#and then also the questionable writing aspect with returning is mind to him
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there's some wider thoughts and commentary to be had on the portrayal of 'madness' in the neath and The Royal Behtlehem Hotel, in ways that I think it is both sympathetic and humanizing of people, while also still falling into portraying it as a joke and making a mockery of things, combined with the question of how this ties into it all with the real world horrific history of the bethlehem hospital and what thats means for it to portray it in such a way
but i dont even know where to start or if its even a topic i can speak on
#plus how that depiction has changed as the time progresses#i think ive talked on this before but i have no memory of it#cuz like i think a lot of folks w mental illness latch onto the manager and the beth for a reason#and i think a lot of it is sympathetic. but thats just from my own view and im not someone who specifically reglarly deals with hallucinati#ns and the like#i also dont think a lot of it is neccesarily.... good? i think the topsy king is a good example of this tbh. a lot of his stuff is portraye#as something to make fun of. but i also think parts of the text and HD are very sympathetic and humanizing to him#and then also the questionable writing aspect with returning is mind to him#yknow?#like i dont think any of it is 'problematic' in its entierty. we know the beth is beloved to me#and i think theres that weird line between magical and mental illness.#i think this is all very similar to the stuff with sheogorath in tes tbh#prophet's fl nonsense#im rambling XD XD#this is something that would be a thesis paper and not a tumblr post
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MOMENTS LIKE THIS. ᥣđ© âąïœĄêȘà§ Ëâ

Varka x gn!reader
VARKA RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS
fluff fluff fluff! reader & varka are married here. tried my best to grasp on his character with the very little info on him and 4 leaked voicelines of his, i hope I did him justice >< ! there's also use of german terms of endearment I hope i used them correctly, do correct me if I am wrong!
NOTE: well! I'm back...? this new genshin lore update has brought me not only back into the game, but back to writing and having fun doing so! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE VARKAS REVEAL !! And alice too?? omg ^^


⥠his love language is physical affection and gift giving
physical affection: after many expeditions, or his month long adventures all Varka wants to do is to find comfort in your embrace. he lovesâ no relishes in any type of touch you give him. more significantly he loves it every time you hold his face, or caress his cheek with the palm of your soft hands that are ever so contrasting to his own. the gentle nature you drown him allows him to feel a little more human, and forget the grandoise position that places him on a pedastal everyday.
don't get him wrong, he loves his position. but he loves being in your care and warmness a little bit more. you keep him grounded, and have made him realize he could experience the same things the other citizens in mondstat do as well. yes he may be gone for far too long, but the fact that you wait and grace him in your love every time he comes back, boosts his confidence and flutters his heart every moment.
⥠gift giving: it comes well expected from a well seasoned adventurer such as him. especially with his long and far away travels, any time he walks past a stall, a merchant, or a shopping district he will always stop and take a peak.
Varka will find little trinkets, handmade toys, or cultural pieces from the other nations that he knows will pique your interest. he'll sit there ponder and excitedly swarm the other knights of favonious that are alongside him with questions of whether they think you'll like the gift or not.
sometimes he will even buy things that remind him of you, such as a cute little animal craft that looks like you. he'd hold onto it dearly on his expeditions, and when he returns he would joyfully explain the story of him aquiring it all while adding flirtatious remarks to how cute and akin you are to the new gift.
â Terms of Endearment
What he calls you: Honey, beautiful, sweetheart, darling â german terms of endearment: schatz (treasure), schatzi (little treasure)
What you call him: Var, honey, big puppy, love, sweetie

"this reminded me of you honey! I saw it while waiting to meet with the pyro archon during my travels, and I just had to get it!"
the tall golden retriever man that you call your husband was excitedly explaining his new little trinket as he handed it over to you. His large muscular build would never mask the imaginary tail that was clearly wagging as his eyes glew in your presence as you admired the new gift.
it was a small little flower pot handmade from the nation of war itself. it was decored in a beautiful pattern of designs that have clearly symbolized so many aspects that made you, you. and despite how small, or how simple this gift was, the fact that he thought of you, took his time despite one of his most important expeditions...he still had you on his mind.
"Var this is...beautiful. This would go greatly with the fresh flowers I recently bought from Donna!" You quickly turned around in the house you both shared, already on the search for said flowers. Varkas calloused hands that had gently rested on both sides of your arms, had now crossed over his chest as he watched you in complete adoration of you admiring your new souvenir. it was moments like these that made him proud, that the time and effortâand absolute suffering of finding the perfect gift for youâhad resulted in the achievement of seeing you smile so sweetly.

when Varka is home he will find every excuse to not go to the knights of favonious headquarters for the first 3 days of his arrival. Which is crucial period of him to resume back to his duties and attend the many handful of meetings that demand of him to debrief his recent expedition along with ensuring headquarters are in order.
he will literally follow you around and whine like a hurt puppy. Varka will sarcastically cry that you have "lost all care for him" while you tell him he should go to headquarters before hes off schedule.
"darling this is unfair! I was on a 2 week expedition and the last thing I wanna do right now is debrief it with 15 other people at 10 o'clock at night, when I just got home and can instead spend my first day back in the arms and beauty of my lovely spouse~" he chases behind you after throwing his long coat over a chair putting his large arms painted in the moments of virtuous brawl on display. he knows that's your greatest weakness, and he will only pull the visual flirt card when he really really needs your attention.
you were finishing up the late dinner you prepared for your puppy husband, however before you could even proceed to walking over and getting utensils, varka is spinning you around and pinning you against the countertop.
"i missed you sweetheart." his playful tone is replaced with one of grace and yearning. his one hand finds itself caressing your cheek as he compels you too look up at his icy blues. his thumb despite a little rough, still feels smooth against your face, its endearing and makes you melt beneath him. it has you wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him just a little closer that your noses touch a slight.
"I missed you too honey. I just didn't want you to forget or miss any important details for that debriefment while you're still fresh out an expedition. you are quite the important man you know?" you tease. a small smile glints your face while you bring a hand out of your embracement to poke him in the nose, which has him giggle in your little antic.
"well i'll have you know this important man you speak of has a very good retainment of memory, despite my age. and I think I have someone far more important that requires my attention." he leans closer, grabbing your hand and encasing it in his large one. the distance is so close you were expecting him to kiss you, only for him to poke you on the nose back with his index from the same hand that held yours.
"you."

Varka is unapologetically in love with you. he will show you off in front of all of mondstat to see. will steal quick kisses, or on your walk back to headquarters he'll kiss the back of your hand with a soft smile in front of all the knights to see.
he completely folds when you run up and hug him when he arrives back from his long journeys. the image of you running past all the citizens, and beelining it straight towards him with the biggest face of joy makes his heart do little jumps. when your in his arms he'll of course pick you up and spin you around with booming laughter, before he settles you down so your feet are on pavement again and he'll give you the most yearnful kiss ever. lips molding into each other with such ease even if he was gone for so long.
the taste, the touch, the smell, and the image of you will forever be imprinted in his mind. he could never have enough of you. his hands have held your face in so much earnest as he kisses you a little more passionately. only then do you pull away out of the embarassment that you realize you were both still in front of many citizens of mondstat.
"god you don't know how much I missed you schatzi."
a smaller, quick kiss on your forehead is placed as you look up at him with so much adoration. the tips of your fingers caress the lasting scars on his face, and rub against the slight stubble he grew while away.
"being gone for 2 months is a crime grand master. leaving me all alone in mondstat with your paperwork while you travel the ins and outs of teyvat?" whenever Varka left mondstat, Jean would take on his responsiblities as always, but you would always be there to aid here to help lessen her load from the demands of being acting grand master. he chuckles lightly at your remark, his arms finding solace around your waist as the wind blows around you both. it mutes the other voices around him, as he looks at you with nothing but love.
"i'm sorry darling duty calls as you know it, and you know how I get distracted on my trave- wait! how about you join me on my expedition to inazuma! I have to quickly stop by anâ"
"Only if you promise not to frolic so much on the boat!"
"Really?!?"
"Yes you big puppy, i'll come with you on this one. it gets a little boring here you know?"
at this point you both began walking your way home, hand in hand as Varka begins to talk about his new encounters from his recent adventures. moments like these, are moments you both live for.

ËËË â
ËËË â © svtcrus 07.24.25 . Please refrain from reposting my works outside of tumblr. Please do not plagiarize / copy, use, or modify my works either.
#I LOVE VARKA#genshin headcanons#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin impact#varka#varka genshin impact#varka x reader#genshin fluff#genshin impact fluff#genshin varka
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seventeen mingyu: in the weeds edition
degrees, outer planets, chart patterns, ascendant complex, asteroids, aspects, upcoming saturn return??? we got it all
dude i'm so mad. i'm so mad!!! as i started writing this i was all, sure i like mingyu, but i'm not wild about mingyu, i mean everyone goes wild for mingyu, i want to spread the love!! okay!! yet here we are.
his chart bewitched and beguiled me. so intriguing! multiplicity! got mommy issues? daddy issues? a healthy attachment style?? mingyu will appeal!! however, monogamy.... probably not gonna be his bag, so keep that one in mind lmao.
29° neptune: it's giving manic pixie dream boy
ok neptune stood out to me right off the bat.
you know when i see a 29° planet i'm always gonna talk about it
neptune aspects 5/9 of his planets, and his ascendant and his MC
neptune co-rules his moon, south node, and his MC 2x (pisces, neptune decan)
a prominent/notable neptune often means people simply love to project the hell onto you, so it's not an uncommon chart situation for idols.
looking at this chart, mingyu can be someone's dream boy no matter what the dream is. he has qualities that can fit into any archetype. you want assertive and competent? he can do that. you want sweet and accommodating? he can do that too. you want clever, you want a himbo, you want funny, you want serious? he can do it all!
-> do being the key word. he does contain multitudes and is genuinely multifaceted (gemini rising, mutable cross) but the neptune factor is also projection. he can play a part, but also people often read into him whatever they want to see.
29 is the anaretic degree, it says PAY ATTENTION TO ME. it's about to pass into the next sign, which adds a few fun layers:
+ skill and proficiency: he's a good actor, fits into social roles easily, has a kind of healing energy for people, very sensitive, idealistic, could have some psychic qualities lowkey or just is very intuitive. don't get too excited!! 29° is not considered a benefic, because what exactly is beneficial about having to finish a project? this is not fun and fancy free 0° just starting shit and doesn't have to worry about finishing it!! finishing stuff sucks so much and this is in capricorn, the pressure is immense!! ->capricorn neptune usually vibes kind of.... self-sacrificial. he might find it a little easy to martyr himself when no one asked him to do all that -> 8th house--well let's amp neptune's needs the fuck up, shall we?? anything in a water house is karmic as shit. also he is intuitive as fuck. walk into a room and he knows how eeeeeeverybody is feeling within 10 seconds. there are a lot of psychic qualities here, and moon conjunct south node can he see ghosts bro??? wouldn't put it past him. + urgency: as neptune is about to leave capricorn, he might feel this desperation to do and acquire as much here as possible. we're gonna see spirituality, merging with others, escapism! there's a sense of need here, the void calls him, he must do it all!!! -> neptune is water, altered states, can't say no -> 8th house is I Feel Too Much I See The Depths I Gotta Crash Out -> capricorn is I Can't Let Go of My Responsibilities Without SEVERE ASSISTANCE -> 29° is SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING... hm. be careful about alcohol, buddy, i'm sensing... binge drinking? + tests: time for final neptune exams! lowkey mingyu might have some addictive tendencies for real. either way he's gonna face some crises around escapism for sure, also probably crises to do with his lack of boundaries, workaholism, and how easily he merges with others.
with neptune in the 8th house, sex addiction or just general promiscuity as escapism is... really not out of the question here i'm not gonna lie. tbh i'd be shocked if his bedpost was not notched all to hell. HOWEVER, it's not at all the stereotypical fuckboy asshole vibe, it's kind of like:
aries sun/venus conjunction in the 11th house: okay fine, a soupçon of fuckboy energy, assertive, probably the kind of flirt who teases you a lot (have u ever met an aries venus who is not playfully mean as a form of flirtation bc i haven't), fun social energy, life of the party, unbearably charming... aaand very much will ghost you. but not in a mean way! however pisces moon/mc, prominent neptune, venus sextile jupiter, moon conjunct sn, lots of other chart aspects tbh: incredibly sweet and earnest, forms genuine connections with people, caring, nurturing as shit, earnestly looks into ur eyes all the time, probably a chronic face toucher however sagittarius 7th house, gemini rising, gemini juno: he's just naturally kind of a roamer romantically! he seeks variety, conversation, connection, experience, adventure, new things. he'd probably be into romance with people from lots of different places, who speak other languages--but again, it's really a one or two night thing. (tbh gemini risings, with that sag 7th house libra 5th house, often um.... .. well they don't settle down easily? tend to have a lot of fun in um social um situations? chart dependent, but it's not unusual (looking at you bang chan))
mingyu might be one night standing 365, but he honestly no bullshit feels a connection with every single person when they're together. he looks upon their time together fondly when he leaves at 3am! and he's not putting on an act here!
like sure he is not staying for breakfast, but he doesn't see that as not... valuing the person, i guess? it's very spiritual vibey, neptunian, ahhh how beautiful, we connected tonight, i'll remember you, our journeys connected for this one beautiful moment, farewell, etc. sagittarius-y too, which makes sense with his 7th house. like it's bullshit in a way but it's not bullshit to him, u know?
man i hope he is good at communication, because this is giving manic pixie dream boy in a huge way. lmaoooo, i can't lie it's kind of fun to me? gemini sun to gemini rising, this is fun!
ok let's add some qualifiers, aspects with less than 2° orb (so they're strong, is what i'm saying)
square libra chiron in the 5th at 29° (0.07°A) yeah so um, that's likely more of the same sort of theme (5th house includes casual romantic relationships), but more neuroses about it. -> on some level he's a little afraid to let people stay--like he's not at all afraid of connection, but he is afraid of sustained connection -> he is also afraid of NOT GETTING ENOUGH ATTENTION!!! (5th house) but he's very cute and earnest about it. he probably feels genuinely upset and remorseful if someone feels led on by him. -> also like, fifth house as childhood, who hurt you mingyu??? who discouraged your artistic expression when u were a kid??? were you discouraged from expressing urself for social conformity reasons?? did u feel shame about breaking the peace and ur need for attention?? man that saturn and SN in the 10th... mars in the 4th... pluto squaring your MC-IC... heal ur inner child mingyu đ
quincunx gemini ascendant (1.57°A) : in one sense mingyu is acting in a genuine way and if people don't get that that's their problem, but at the same time the projections occur, and make him feel like he's not being perceived as his true self :/ is it because people think you're a dom top when you're actually a sub service top... jw -> the quincunx is a thinky thinky aspect--whenever i see it i know the person can analyze that shit (and too much probably, with another strong quincunx between mingyu's mercury and pluto) -> mingyu's Life Journey is about communicating (gemini) and asserting himself (aries), and his neptune issues (escapism, martyring himself, ghosting) come into conflict with that journey
conjunct pallas (0.42°S): ok. well. this is where my head really turned for mingyu, like damn bud he has the Vision. -> amazing natural leader, inspiring, strategic, problem-solver, finds creative solutions out of nowhere. -> sometimes an active neptune can lead to an easily bruised quality (i love her but blackpink jennie (neptune conjunct sun) was like this before her saturn return[in pisces!]). with that pisces moon i had assumed mingyu would get this too but!! he does not. he has a deep, unshakable like... belief? connection with the universe in a way?? he knows he can get through anything; he's incredibly resilient. -> sidebar pallas is at 0° aquarius-- he is smart smart smart, really quick thinker
trine gemini juno in his 12th house (1.5°S): goddamnit this chart keeps getting cuter but not too cute, i'm so mad. he's a natural caretaker and nurturer, especially with this being in a water houses trine. people look at him and are like, immediately ready to confess all their troubles. he's so nurturing!! if you have mommy issues, mingyu could appeal to you! (oh shit is that why this is working on me...? lmao uh oh) -> gemini juno in the 12th, he likes a partner who is clever, communicative, variable, possibly who plays hard to get sometimes, in the 12th he wants to feel like Fated to that person, however likely to have lots of undefined relationships and/or secret relationships and/or issues with partners meaning ill towards him or causing him harm directly or indirectly (not a guarantee, just a possibility)
bucket chart with a 4th house mars handle: go go go! (home? NO! the CLUB! then home :) )
mingyu has a bucket chart pattern--almost all of his planets are in one half of his chart--mostly the upper half (public facing, life is about external situations), but there are two in the lower half--pluto and mars. OHHHH boy, he's got some subconscious brewing down there, baby!! 6th house pluto and virgo mars can u say... anxiety???
notably, mars is our "bucket handle", since it's off by itself. it's gonna flavor the whoooooole pot, and since it's down by the IC in the most private and personal part of the chart, it's like mingyu holds this very close to his chest.
bucket chart patterns usually mean EXTREMES, pushing urself, conflict, all that kind of thing, and mars as the bucket handle??? lmao. life is about ACTION.
however. mars is in virgo in the 4th house and retrograde, this isn't a straightforward fiery direct mars in aries in the first or something. he is very go go go but also there's a lot of fear and restriction in there. also virgo is about SERVICE, so that is key (and: service top energy???)
any planet trying to make a move: so yeah that's my plan, i just need you to sign off, so if you can do that real quick... mars rx: hey :) you gotta learn how to assert yourself in your own individual way that is free from societal pressure :) u won't learn this for a long time so :) hope you enjoy things going wrong :) virgo mars: i have made 8 lists and cross-referenced all of them and then i will make a decision but wait what if i made a mistake, hm let's make another 2 lists, why are you getting impatient there is no point doing something if i do not do it correctly, mars in the 4th house: no yeah that's fine i can um. i can do all that. for sure. no problem. just gotta... cancel all my other plans so i can do everything myself since i'm the ONLY one who can,,,,, so, ,,
-> quincunx 11th house aries venus: (mars trying to throttle venus for impulsive choices because of social pressures YET AGAIN) -> quincunx 11th house aries sun: (following aries sun to parties whispering how have you been of service lately in his ear while he takes another shot) the perfectionism really jumps out in this whole area of the chart, plus the heavy 10th house -> conjunct lilith: oooh boy!! energy, charm, willpower, sexual magnetism, assertive, basically like injecting cautious virgo mars with a bit of scorpio and a bit of aries, ooohHHHH boy. his action and will is based on passion! however, potential to dominate situations and/or make rash emotional decisions (virgo mars hates this) -> conjunct virgo lilith in the 4th house: perfectionism runs rife, also some issues with the family (esp with his mars being in the 4th)--could be family secrets, or he feels beholden to his family all the time, or he didn't feel like he belonged in his family, or something else, but it leads to a certain masking quality for self-protection. -----> especially with this conjunction directly opposed to his 10th house moon--possibly an unhealthy relationship with his mother or another parent-like figure, enmeshment or just a ton of pressure on him (and possibly the reverse, pressure taken off him when it's not necessary). a lot to unravel here for him, lots of generational stuff at play, this is less fun and honestly more red flag-y? but it could also be just another thing to help him be even more empathetic, it really depends on how he deals with it!
mutable cross, mutable planets
rare is the aries sun who vibes like a mutable sign. despite clearly having an aries sun, mingyu has a shitton of mutable energy muddying the waters. very weird for cardinal fire aries!
so mingyu is fire dominant, with water coming a close second. then mutable energy goes crazy.
mingyu's angles are in a mutable square--gemini ascendant, sagittarius descendant, pisces MC, virgo IC.
mingyu's cardinal sun, saturn and venus might feel awkward with like his life direction and shape, in a sense. his mutable placements (his pisces moon, lunar nodes, virgo mars and even his sag pluto which is generational) gel with the way his life moves and may feel more "accessible" to him. it's an interesting combination!
pisces moon in the 10th house -- deeply empathetic, need for emotional contact, softness, but also expects a lot of himself (10th house), it's the highest planet on the chart so it's visible, easily accessible, very public. HUGE sense of responsibility to others.
virgo mars in the 4th house -- precision, energy, highly competent, good at "home" stuff, probably good at DIY and cooking and anything homemaking, also very high expectations of himself, loves to Provide
sag pluto in the 6th house -- pluto in the 6th house is all about Service, which literally was already point 1 and 2 on this list, so this is what is called a "repeated theme" lads! mingyu's soul journey has a huge slice about service to others. pluto in the 6th is all about getting humbled, lmao. he may go through crises or just humiliation in some way, whatever it takes for the soul to get a reality check. this placement can be prone to over-work, distracting themselves from anxiety, that sort of thing. a crisis that may happen often does through the body--illness or injury forcing someone to have to slow down and assess shit.
while we're here, let's look at his MC
in pisces: at work/in the wider world he moves in a sensitive, artistic way, very empathetic, he needs to be able to be creative and to connect with other people in order to feel satisfied professionally neptune decan: all that projection, tho conjunct the royal star fomalhaut: this was super interesting to me--any royal star in close conjunction with someone's chart will bring gifts and success and the opportunity to share a message w the world, but it will also make you go through Trials. mingyu's neptune is already putting him through Trials so like join the club i guess!! -> pros: wisdom, empathy, artistic talent -> cons: intense very visible emotions, aforementioned Trials
let's add some dialogue with the aspects, shall we?
pisces MC: i meet the world with sensitivity and empathy :) if i don't get to do that professionally i feel incomplete :( sextile taurus mercury in the 11th: my talent for communication aligns perfectly with my career :) also i have a nice down-to-earth and sensible vibe :) i love to chill with my friends and like-minded groups of people :) trine chiron: wow i am so wise :) feeling stifled creatively when i was young has made me value what i have now! i can heal others through my artistic expression! square pluto: knock knock pisces MC: no... no don't do it... square pluto: say who's there. never mind i don't care, it's time to force that transformation, baby!! pisces MC: but my escapism? square sag pluto in the 6th: not anymore :) damn look at that, now you have a slight terror around your need to be liked... a deep inability to follow orders you think are stupid... pisces MC: at least i have a cute duality between innocence and wisdom now? square pluto in the 6th: hey u know that deep soul level feeling of lack and internalized guilt that permeates everything? hm what if that could be fixed... with enough power/success/approval from other people pisces MC: but it's ... it's never going to be enough? square pluto: but it's never going to be enough :)
active 9th, 10th, 11th house: Externally Focused, Extrovert Style
(not that people with these placements are all extroverts, it's just the whole picture is screaming SOCIAL BUTTERFLY here)
-jupiter in the 9th: he's live laugh loving, he's listening and learning, he's on a Journey, jupiter's favorite house is the 9th and she can't wait to tell you about her backpacking trip (mingyu loves a backpacking trip) -> jupiter in aquarius: curiosity! interested in new ideas, also thinks he's right all the time -> jupiter sextile sun (exact orb): people like him! he has a talent for literally shining, but also projecting and expanding the vision of the self -> 9th jupiter sextile 11th sun: talent for communicating ideas to groups of people -> jupiter sextile venus: people really like him very much -> jupiter square vertex in gemini: you know that sylvia plath quote about the fig tree? that. so many possibilities! sometimes gets disappointed because he has really high expectations. wants everything all at once! cannot have :(
aries sun in the 11th: SOCIAL!!! also smart. wants to be influential with groups, is already influential with groups, feels he is not influential enough? natural leader tho. -> also super loyal! -> sun conjunct venus (exact): very pretty :) very charming :) very adorable :) gentle :) sweet :) NEEDS TO BE LOVED BY EVERYONE ALL THE TIME OR HE WILL WILT!!! HIS FEELINGS WERE HURT BECAUSE U DIDN'T GIVE HIM ENOUGH ATTENTION!! aries venus in the 11th: flirts by teasing someone, wants to be flirted with by teasing, also would prefer this to happen in public where everyone can observe and he can feel like a special boy (he is a special boy!!) -> insanely huge social circle, CONSTANTLY out, hates being alone, loves the club, loves to flirt with e-v-e-r-y-one. also falls in love with everyone, but for like 30-50 seconds each. -> venus quincunx mars: a little afraid of serious conflict for an aries sun!! asteroid sedna in the 11th: mmm. a little bit of a doormat at times for his friends. will give the shirt off his back, and then all the shirts from his closet, then be like wait :( i have no shirts :( why didn't someone give me their shirts???? why am i always the one giving shirts???? hopefully his aries energy can balance this out. mercury in the 11th: lives to communicate with others. wants to share his thoughts and ideas!! ability to analyze things! -> taurus mercury: when he has made his decision about something, good luck changing his mind lmao it ain't happening -> taurus mercury in the 11th: fixed energy on fixed house energy, unbelievably stubborn, lord with the aries sun as well... ... god bless. i mean i think this combo is fun, but... .... yeah don't try to change his mind ever, just manipulate him into it, it'll be easier for both of you. -> quincunx pluto in the 6th: some anxiety and fear here--does he like overshare when he gets drunk at a party and then regrets it and crashes out a little bit the next day?? very possible. -> sextile MC: lucky! his need to communicate is matched perfectly with his public persona -> taurus sextile pisces MC: he has (a) a talent for communicating in a way that has people emotionally connecting and (b) a certain level of realism and practicality protects him from having the tissue paper boundaries of many pisces MCs
moon in the 10th: have discussed a little, but having the most sensitive intimate moon (pisces) in the most public business boy house can feel weird sometimes, a little bit vulnerable, however he is well-loved -> conjunct SN: SENSITIVE saturn in the 10th: the 10th is saturn's favorite house, it's the house of Getting Real and Growing The Hell Up and Having Expectations That Are Maybe Unrealistic and then Beating Urself Up For Not ACHIEVING ENOUGH... i mean. however saturn is a rude bitch so even when your saturn is a place where he is comfortable, he will still fuck up your shit :/ don't get me wrong i love saturn, but i do not think that mingyu loves saturn? aries and saturn... well. -> aries saturn in the 10th: a whole mess of contradictions. starting and stopping, rushing and waiting, wanting to SHINE and being terrified of shining? -> saturn conjunct sun: was his dad... really strict? bright side, huge amounts of self-discipline, hard worker, reliable, very different flavor of an aries sun. still an aries sun, though, you cannot quash the aries sun. also SKY HIGH expectations of himself.
stay tuned for ur saturn return starting 24 may 2025, mingyu, it's gonna rock your shit up đŹ. ahh lord, look at this!! i'm not even a predictive astrology girlie and i went "uh oh..."
like, his saturn return as our foundational issue, then saturn activating his moon, SN, saturn, sun, venus? pluto activating the 8th the whole time? squaring his mercury? uranus activating the 12th?? nodal reversal?? damn that is... a lot of upheaval and transformation and change, bud. neptune haunting the 10th like "hey... what if all ur future plans... were all wrong? no i do not have an alternative plan for u i'm just here to tell u ur lost :)"
great if he deals with things productively, however It Hurts To Become and all that!!
godspeed, mingyu, at least you bagged another admirer on this day (my dumb ass)
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Happy Father's Day! Have some Alastor is Niffty's Father figure/they're besties headcanons/analysis!
For clarification: I don't see Niffty as kid at all (at most she might have some age regression due to trauma or other reasons) and I don't think you need to view her that way to see Alastor as her surrogate father figure. Adults can have dads and their dads still act parental around their adult sons/daughters.
Now the fun part! The first three are more analysis than headcanons but the others are just for fun:
Alastor might be one of the few people that actually treats Niffty like an adult (albeit, old lore said he sees her as kinda dumb which ain't great but could technically be correct since Vivziepop said Niffty isn't the brightest). Unlike everyone else react to her conversations or actions by either ignoring it, reacting negatively, or not taking it seriously. They all kinda just act like Niffty is either a kid or a feral beast, EXCEPT for Alastor. The dude seems to always go along with her behavior and seems to be the only one that talks to her like he's talking to another adult and I think she appreciates that a lot.
Connected to the last one, Niffty and Alastor the most comfortable around each other because they see each other as equals and feel accepted by the other due to them both being considered crazy and dangerous by everyone else and themselves. Alastor treats Niffty like an adult but also behaves in ways that show he is ok with her not always "acting her age" and is willing to support and guide her if she needs it. In return, Niffty is the only one that seems to understand Alastor well and is a person he feels comfortable being honest and (kinda) vulnerable around. But also...
They definitely also enjoy having someone around that isn't scared of their sadistic and chaotic sides but instead would join them when they want a murder buddy (Alastor joins in with Niffty maniacal laughter fit and genuinely likes her roach crown despite not fully understand her mindset connected to it. And Niffty seems to really enjoy being a supportive audience member/witness to Alastor's violent attacks against people).
Now the head-canons:
They are cooking buddies who have claimed the kitchen as the Radio Demon's territory. They both are probably the "chefs" of the hotel and cook all the meals for everyone. If anyone else tries to enter the kitchen while their cooking they have to deal with Niffty throwing every knife available at their head while Alastor is slowly turning into his demon form and repeatedly telling them to get out. Besides that tho, their cooking time together is weirdly wholesome and tends to have either one of them talking or singing. Though occasionally they just put on some music and enjoy each other's company quietly.
When they are talking to each other it's mostly gossip about the others. Alastor is mostly talking badly about the others like how one talks badly about their coworkers and Niffty is just shipping everyone or talking random nonsense that pops up in her mind. Anyone listening in would be lost but they seem to be on the same wavelength.
Niffty understands Alastor's asexuality and in return he understands her extreme romantic mindset. So they both came up with a compromise when it comes to her wanting to share her bdsm romance stories with him for editing help or when she wants to talk about bad boys with him. She will not talk about any of the sexual aspects in detail and will not ask him to edit the sex scenes (Husk and later Angel become the reluctant editor of those scenes. She writes, unsurprisingly, sex scenes that make even them a bit concerned.) But he will help her with any "torture" advice or questions she asks (Like how long can she strangle a guy without killing him, what is safe-ish alternative to handcuffs, etc) and will give his opinion on if he approves on whether or not one of her crushes/targets is a good option.
Despite most people's belief, I don't think Alastor would be overtly overprotective of Niffty when it comes to her dating life. He would just do it in secret (send his shadow to spy on their first dates, do his version of background checks, send anonymous threatening letters/packages to the guy if he does one thing he doesn't like, etc) and would just wait for the approval from Niffty to kill her boyfriend after she gets tired of them or when they break her heart. Niffty knows about all of this and think it's nice because friends are supposed to protect each other after all (If anyone flirted with Alastor and managed to make him uncomfortable or genuinely annoyed she will quickly return the favor and possibly take away some body parts from the person).
Niffty knows more than most about the people Alastor has had some sort of relationship with. And despite not knowing the Vees remember Vox as "Alastor's Ex". She has called Vox this on multiple occasions and he can't tell if he should be offended or just remind her of his actual name. They've known each other almost as long as they both have known Alastor (They're both canonically from the 50s). They're polite to each other but don't really get along.
Vivziepop once said that Alastor knows about Niffty's story/origins so I think that would mean he knows some of her trauma and why she acts how she acts (hence why he is so understanding towards her), in return he might've shared some cryptic/vague pieces of his past and some of his trauma.
When Alastor looses his temper or having a breakdown (like the one in the finale), I don't think Niffty can or even tries to calm him down, instead she waits for it to pass and then offers her help. To her it's the same as Alastor waiting for her to finish crying instead of forcing her to stop to make her feel better.
Alastor only really accepts help (for his injuries or his mental state) from Niffty if he has to get help from anyone. Niffty accepts help from anybody but nobody usually trusts her to do the same in return, so it means a lot to Niffty that Alastor does.
Besides their status of being "crazed killers" in the hotel, I also think they share a few other things (They both have severe mental health issues like cptsd and controlling issues, both were minorities in a time period that had the mentality of "either conform to the white american standard or never get accepted by society, both probably had to mask because of the two things mentioned before, both have mindsets/morals/views that would be difficult to understand for others, etc).
As you can see I like these two a lot lol. Happy Father's Day!
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Hello again! LOVE op's posts about static moth so so much they are giving me ungodly amounts of serotonin ... It's genuinely been such a joy reading your interpretations of their relationship and what makes them work the way they do. Even with the limited amount of content we have of them I believe you've nailed their respective personalities and behavior patterns spectacularly and every single post has been extremely interesting to go through and to analyze off of!
Regarding the reasons as to why Valentino likes vox as a romantic partner, I also believe part of it has to do with some of Vox's more stalkerish tendencies as well? His (not yet canon but close) Voyeurism, his constant need for control, etc.
This is more of a head canon than anything else, but I do genuinely believe Valentino enjoys the obsessive attention he can get only from Vox as it does wonders to quell his constant sense of emptiness, his subsequent feelings of abandonment, and the anxieties that follow. The fact that he knows Vox enjoys stalking him, (probably) gets off on it and is actively deriving pleasure from simply watching him go about his day may be adding to the thrill and content as well. The thing is, as generally absurd and problematic it is, this behavior seems to bring a sense of security for both Partys involved: Throughout the show during all 4 episodes that feature Valentino's presence, we have yet to see a single scene with him without at least one camera tracking his movements. They are everywhere. They follow him wherever he goes, Vox can follow him wherever he goes whenever he so chooses, even to Vals own personal quarters. They are a massive, glaring red flag and quite frankly would bring a suffocating amount of pressure and sense of captivity to any other person under the same circumstance. But Val never brings this up, so I feel he either doesn't think he's in a favourable condition to complain, or he likes the idea of Vox always having his eyes on him. For me I think it's the latter, and I think for him to act so nonchalant around vox's cameras and his potentially constant, 24/7-hour surveillance, it has to have offered him some form of comfort. It has to have made him feel good, either about himself, about the state of their relationship, or both.
(apologies for the sloppy wording, hope you have a wonderful day!)
Awww, Anon, you are so sweet! Reading your question brought me so much joy <3 I think your perspective is spot on, and I wholeheartedly agree with it. I must admit I initially omitted this aspect of their relationship from my initial response because the question specifically focused on love rather than "sexy and toxic stuff." For me, voyeurism and stalking kink are more closely related to the latter category.

That being said, Val undoubtedly enjoys having Vox's eyes always on him. Being a diva and a performer, he relishes performing for Vox, especially knowing Vox's likes all the deranged shit but desperately tries to hide it underneath his clean façade. So heâs basically like âIâm going to hit this bitch for you, Voxy. As a treat.â recognizing that Vox couldn't do it himself without tarnishing his image. In return, Val receives even more attention and admiration, perpetuating the cycle.
Since you've given me the opportunity to delve into Vox's voyeurism further, I'll add some additional insights (I've been meaning to write a proper post about it for some time now but that rabbit hole is just too deep). It's fundamentally about control, of course, and it's simply a kink. However, kinks are not merely about arousal; they involve complex psychological dynamics. People a lot smarter than me wrote a shit ton of essays about voyeurism, especially since it is a very relevant topic in the visual media era. One sentence about Lacan's interpretation of it grasps really well what I have in mind when I think about Vox:
By appropriating the other as image, the voyeur makes it an object of pleasure*, while remaining uninvolved in the other's intimacy.

Itâs a parasitic relationship. A voyeur gets symbolic control over their object and it gives them the sense of being powerful. And they donât have to offer anything themselves â no effort that is required to gain control in situations with two subjects involved, nor the vulnerability necessary in consensual relationships. They can just freely feed on others without offering anything in exchange.
Without delving too deeply into philosophy, Vox's inability to live authentically stems from his obsession with his image, his guardedness, and his need for control. This sets a lot of limitations about what he can allow himself to personalmy experience. So he derives dopamine from "stealing" others' experiences and emotions, while avoiding the effort and vulnerability required in genuine connections.
*In a broader sense, voyeuristic pleasure isn't necessarily sexual; it can manifest as the thrill some people experience from watching macabre imagery in movies, eavesdropping on neighbors' drama, or even watching overly personal vlogs.
#vox#hazbin hotel#hazbin vox#Valentino#valentino hazbin#voxval#staticmoth#character analysis#headcanon#ask
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my angel â« hwang hyunjin (800+)
(needed) a/n â« omg. so sorry for the inactivity on posting but this month had hit me the hardest - being really busy with life, i couldnât sit down and find time to write so finally i wrote something short and sweet. also im a hyunjin girly rn but enha posts return! also not proof read.
you would believe your boyfriendâs parents if they said angels paid him a visit when he was born and blessed him with the most perfect face youâve ever seen. pure strangers, mainly girls, have a hard time missing him if they walk past him because heâs so beautiful.
hyunjin melts everytime you call him beautiful, insisting on it. itâs habit of hyunjin to deny and kiss you when you say those things but when he took you into his arms and held you so you couldnât move, you knew you were loved.
itâs late at the park and a few couple and friend groups remain on the grass. you wondered if kissing you in public crossed hyunjinâs mind but it seemed everyone was already focused on the sunset.
he smiled before leaning closer into your face and places soft kisses that tickled you. fighting them was pointless but you wanted to only because you knew how pink your cheeks get.
âyou sure youâre not referring to yourself, beautiful?â he hums, smushing his lips onto your pink cheeks. heâs lucky heâs beautiful and youâd never want to ruin his pretty face.
he continues to kiss you as you let it happen.
âjust accept it hyunjin. you are an angel in disguise.â
you feel hyunjinâs kisses come to a stop and you look over to him, wondering where they went.
hyunjinâs eyes were sparkling, looking back and forth from both of your eyes. itâs as if he was making sure you were watching what he was doing - or going to do.
you could trail your gaze across his face to find his pretty mole under his eye or his long lips that were red and plump, but holding eye contact with him felt more intimate then anything else.
his lips curled into a soft smile as he began to speak softly to you.
âare you aware how angelic you look right now? you canât convince me your not an angel standing in front of me.â he says as he lets one of his arms release from behind you to take your hair behind your ear.
itâs unfair he can do that to you, makes your heart flutter as if youâve fallen in love with him all over again.
you look to the side, trying to dismiss his comment.
âyouâre just saying that-â
âyouâre beautiful y/n.â hyunjin takes your face in his hands and raises your head to look up at him. hearing him say that made you feel warm. if hyunjin was always here to let you know you were beautiful, you could be saved from any sadness or pain.
he wonât be able to ignore his beauty either, so you softly remind him again.
âi love you.â
âi love you.â
meeting his lips and adoring the softness of them felt like heaven. every aspect of him reminded of you of heaven. you two held each other close and shared sweet nothings when you two pulled away.
hyunjin rose your hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss to both. you smiled and adored each one.
âso,â he held your hands in front of him and played with them as he trailed. your laugh adorned the moment.
âwhat are our plans for tomorrow?â you question why he wonders of plans for tomorrow, itâs not even night time.
âsince this day is ending.â he answers but it didnât seem to satisfy you completely.
you wonder what the two of you can do. itâs always fun going on dates or simply staying inside and being all cozy but itâs hard to decide.
âdo we need it planned out?â you ask, wrapping your arms around him and fitting your head under his chin.
hyunjin smiles as you do so and shakes his head softly.
âno, not at all.â
you two hold each other in a hug for a moment before you continue you on with plans.
âwell.. i did make one plan.â
hyunjin listens, not daring to break your hug just yet.
âto start calling you my angel.â
hyunjin broke out into the sweetest laugh and you werenât trying to make him laugh. you didnât want it to stop so you smiled as he brought his laugh down. he seemed to have something to say as he cleared his throat.
âokay deal.â you smiled hearing him say that. âbut..â you sometimes dread butâs.
âyou have to let me call you my goddess.â
maybe you would and maybe you would love to kiss him for the rest of the night. you simply shrugged, acting as if that wasnât an issue. hyunjin senses something and squeezed your soft cheeks.
âmy goddess?â
âyou are so lucky iâm in love with you hyunjin!â you raise your voice as you burn up and leave his hug to walk away. like a dog, hyunjin follows behind you and takes your hand in his.
âyes. i am very lucky.â is all he had to say to show his innocence in loving you.
getting to be in love with hyunjin is a chance to live in heaven on earth.
đžàŸàœČ ©vampirehoon
#vampirehđđn#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin x you#hyunjin fluff#hyunjin fanfic#hwang hyujin imagines#hwang hyunjin x reader
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flores amarillas (a devotion of love)
pairing: fili x mexican!reader (kinda?)
summary: after being thrown into Middle Earth randomly, Fili surprises you with an act of love, reminding you of your life back home.
september 21st - when someone gives someone else yellow flowers on this day, it means you have undying loyalty and love for that person and can be used as a symbol wishing to spend the rest of your days with that person.
word count: 2.4K
warnings: none
tags: tooth-rotting fluff; nobody dies/everyone lives!au; modern character in middle earth!au
authorâs note: I am so sorry for being gone for a whole year, oops. here is a fic I wrote in a couple of hours bc I randomly got the urge to write again⊠my hyperfixation of lotr/the hobbit has made itâs return so I hope you guys love Fili as much as I do <3
so when I daydream, obviously I do it by how it pertains to myself and my culture so this technically is a mexican!reader insert since it's a holiday from my culture BUT itâs a cute holiday nonetheless so I wanted to write about it. this will probably be the only specific reader fic I write because I donât want to narrow my broadness bc I try to write for any READER! (ig I also write just fem!reader but I digress)
am I posting this a month after the date? yes, yes I am. but who cares! I still wanted to write this and I think it will help me get out of my slump and make me try to write moreâŠ
for the sake of the fic (and my mind) the dwarves have the same calendar system as us... I can not mentally try to convert when September 21st would be for them lol. anyways, enjoy and ignore any grammar mistakesâĄ
Ëââ§ê°á â à»ê± â§âË
The sound of your footsteps echoed around the grand halls of Erebor, the quiet murmurs and shuffling of all the dwarves doing their jobs filled the air as you walked toward the gates.
Thorin had dismissed Fili of his duties for the day as crown prince, allowing him to skip all his meetings he normally would be in attendance to.
As soon as Fili had gotten the news, he ran to find you so he could make sure to steal you away for the day.Â
So here you currently were, making your way to where Fili was so he could surprise you with whatever he had planned for your date.
Looking back on your life now to what it was back in your world, was bizarre to say the least. Youâve grown accustomed to your new life here in Middle Earth, but it had taken you a bit to adjust to it. Having been fond of the books made you excited to live and breathe the words you had read as a kid in real life.
Finding yourself stumbling around the Shire at the same time when the company had been instructed to meet at Bilboâs house, changed your life for the better.Â
Once Thorin had begrudgingly allowed your presence into the company, you quickly learned how the quest had been a long and exhausting one. Hours and hours of the dwarves grilling you on where you came from, what your world was like, and what you were doing there had your head spinning. Eventually, it turned from weariness to genuine curiosity so you had found yourself on quiet nights around the fire, surrounded by thirteen dwarves, a hobbit, and a wizard telling them about random facts from your world.Â
The company slowly began warming up to you in their own ways, but you grew exceptionally close to the two younger brothers.Â
Many nights with Fili and Kili had you going on and on about your life back home. Kiliâs incessant questions and curiosity allowed you to run your mouth over and over about random aspects of your life and made you grow fond of him immediately. Fili, on the other hand, was a bit quieter, shaking his head at his brotherâs antics and having more thoughtful questions that had you reminiscing on old memories.
Nonetheless, you began to care for them even with the many nights that had you dreading the end of the quest and the final battle that the dwarves found themselves in before reclaiming their homeland.Â
You originally didnât want to get close to any of them, the fact that you already knew their fate and they didn't, ate at you everyday. You kept your distance at first, the anticipatory grief already settling in once you had made eye contact with the brothers that very first day was already too much. And yet, you still found yourself laughing and opening up to them throughout the quest.Â
Especially Fili.Â
His blue eyes captivated your mind, they beckoned you to get closer to him, to ask him questions about his life back home in the Blue Mountains. About his childhood, his hobbies, his likes and dislikes; he made you fall in love with him after your very first conversation.Â
Of course, you couldnât voice that. He was the crown prince, who was currently on a quest to reclaim his motherland.Â
And of course also becauseâŠthe ending.
You werenât sure how your presence in Middle Earth and on the quest would affect the outcome, but if you couldnât change what happened, you wanted to save yourself that grief.Â
And yet, when Fili presented the courting bead he had been creating late at night during the journey, you accepted it wholeheartedly.Â
You were a selfish creature.Â
Thankfully, you did everything in your power to keep everyone alive, after long and anxious nights of sitting by all of the Durinâs beds they all healed from the battle and began their new lives in Erebor.
You began your new life in Erebor as well, with Fili.Â
A voice shouting your name shook you from your thoughts.Â
âAmrĂąlimĂȘ, you look beautiful as ever.â Fili came into view as you processed his comment.
Smiling, you leaned over to kiss him. âThank you, you look wonderful as well.â
Grinning, he took your hand. âCome, I have an amazing day planned for us, ghivashel.â
âĄâ§âË
Your fingers traced the lines on Filiâs hand as the two of you laid in the grass, still recuperating from the spontaneous race up the hill where you currently both laid atop of.
After a bit of silence, Filiâs voice rang in your ear. âDid you have fun, my love?âÂ
Sitting up on your arm, you look over at him. âOf course I did, I always enjoy myself when Iâm with you.â
Fili looks over at you, âFlattery,â he grabs your hand and kisses it, âcareful fair maiden, you may just create an admirer out of me with your words.â
Giggling at your mushy banter, you smile over at him. His golden waves framed his face perfectly in the fading daylight. His eyes crinkling in happiness as he looked over at you made you swoon inside.
Fili stands abruptly, extending his hand out to you. âCome, follow me, I figured we could have a picnic under the stars like old times.âÂ
Fili leads you off to the side into a fenced off area where you knew the few botanist dwarves cultivated their flowers.Â
Once the two of you entered, your eyes were met with a blanket in the middle of the garden with an area of food and desserts displayed along with blankets that the two of you could use for the coming night chill.
âWhen did you do this? You were with me all day?â Your confused face followed Filiâs figure that was walking toward the sitting area.
Fili sends you a cheeky grin. âI may or may not have bribed Kili to do this for me with the guarantee that Iâd cover for him with Uncle so he can sneak off with Tauriel next week.â
Scoffing, you shake your head. âKili will do anything but confront Thorin about being with Tauriel, he needs to just suck it up and tell your Uncle heâs in love with an elf.â
Fili hums in agreement as he guides you further toward the blanket. You situate yourself as you look over the treats that Fili (Kili) had laid out for you.
The two of you quietly begin snacking as you gaze at the sky when Fili breaks the silence. âIâm very lucky to have you, amrĂąlimĂȘ, I thank whatever power that put you in my world because I was able to meet and love you.â
Rolling your eyes, you turn away from Fili, âyou're so sappy.â Glancing at him again you smile, you never will get used to his random confessions of love he does. You don't think the butterflies will ever go away, he constantly makes your heart want to burst out of your chest with how fast it always beats around him.Â
The amount of love you have for Fili has never been like anything youâve experienced. Whenever you think or look at him your heart swells, just being in his presence sends a calming effect through you and yet simultaneously, a tsunami of intense emotion. You've never had any love like it before.
You agreed with what he said, you truly thank whatever power placed you in the Shire when it did.
âI know we donât really see each other often since I'm so busy-â Fili begins.
âFee, I know you have responsibilities, I understand.âÂ
Fili just stares and smiles at you for a second. âI know you do, Mahal, I love you so much.â After a split second he says, âIâll be right back.â
The random shift of tone catches you by surprise eliciting a laugh from you, âWhat?âÂ
âIâll be right back!â He gives no other explanation before running off in a direction leaving you.Â
âOk?â Youâre left confused, but amused at your loverâs antics.
A few minutes pass by before you hear footsteps returning, your head turns in the direction of the sound and you find Filiâs figure holding something behind his back.
âWhat are you hiding,â you giggle, âWhatâs behind your back, Fee?â Leaning over you try to get a glimpse at the mystery behind him.
He doesn't say anything as he bends down to get on his knee so he can be closer at your eye level to your figure reclining on the ground.Â
You look at him expectantly waiting for him to start.
âI wanted to make this a grand gesture, but I was panicking and Kiliâs fed up with me constantly going on and on about this day butâŠâ
Titling your head, you question, âThis day?âÂ
Fili seems to stop his rambling and pulls his arms from behind. âItâs the 21st of September.â
You let out a surprise gasp before sitting up. You had noted on the calendar in your room that it was the 21st but expected nothing from it since you weren't in your own world.
And yet here was Fili, kneeling with yellow flowers held out in front you.Â
Your eyes scan over the array of yellow flowers that were held carefully with white paper in Filiâs hands.
âHow did you-?âÂ
Fili smiles, âDuring the quest, remember?â
Your mind combed through your memories, attempting to recall the conversation.Â
The company had been unknowingly making the journey to Rivendell (under Gandalfâs expense) which had evoked Kiliâs curious side from the exhausting trek. You and the two brothers were walking side by side toward the back, when Kili had posed you with a new question from your life back in your world.
âTells us more about your culture,â Kili nudges you, ânot just your world but you specifically.â
Catching you by surprise, you think quickly for an answer. âHmmâŠwell from where Iâm from, there's a specific day that a person may use to confess how they feel about you.â You're not really sure what compelled you to mention this specific custom, but your mouth opened before your mind could keep up with it.
Kiliâs eyes brightened with your response, so you knew youâd have to unfortunately continue with the train of thought.
âWell, on the 21st of September, if someone gives you yellow flowers, it has meaning. A lot of people from my culture see receiving yellow flowers on this day as being a very important and caring act. Itâs to some, very intimate, because not many express their emotions like this so when a person does, the significance is extraordinary.â Your eyes flick back to the brothers.
Clearing your throat, you looked forward in embarrassment.
Great. Youâve just opened that can of worms out to the two brothers who youâve barely met, as well as whoever else was currently eavesdropping in your conversation.
Not having felt the change in air with you, Kili continued to ask, âHave you been gifted yellow flowers before?â
Still not making eye contact with either of the brothers, you sighed. âNo, I have not.â Clicking your tongue you continued, âI think perhaps itâs because the people who I have dated didnât know about the meaning. I mean, even if they did, I donât think the flowers would mean much because the relationships never worked out.â You shrugged lamely.
Itâs not like youâre admitting all your past relationships were a bust, it just wasn't the type of love that was true. If any of your exes had gifted you yellow flowers, you're not sure if it wouldâve had the type of impact youâve always imagined. All your relationships had their highs, but they also had their lows, hence why they all ended and why none of them had gifted you your yellow flowers.Â
You still had the hopeless romantic thought that The One would come into your life and youâd know if they were The One if they gifted you your flores amarillas like you've dreamed of.Â
âAh, well thatâs interesting!â You looked over as Kili smiled at you, apparently losing interest in the conversation. Glancing at Fili, you noted that he seemingly wasn't paying attention to your entire spiel; thankfully in his own thoughts.
Your mind reels back from the memory. You knew exactly why you didn't remember that because you were embarrassed for the rest of the day because you had gotten emotional during the conversation. While you were already getting close to the brothers, you still were embarrassed that so early on you had opened up about your pathetic love life so much that you blocked it from your mind.
âI thought you werenât listening when I was talking about that to Kili?â You questioned.
âOf course I was listening, every time you spoke I was captivated.â Filiâs smile softens.
Biting your lip in an attempt to stop yourself from grinning, you let him continue.
âWhen you had answered Kili's question with that, it took me by surprise but I found myself enamored by the way you spoke about the custom. So when I heard you speak about your culture, I knew it meant a lot to you not only due to the meaning but because it reminded you of your world.â He reaches a hand toward you, âWhile I am thankful you're here with me, I know that you also were pulled from the world you knew, so by talking about your culture it comforted you.âÂ
Your eyes began to water, God, you truly loved him.Â
âI knew I wanted to incorporate this day in our lives so I thought what better yet than to propose to you with something that reminded you of your culture back home.âÂ
Your eyes widen, âI knew you were my One the moment I set eyes on you. So, will you marry me, amrĂąlimĂȘ? Will you grant me the privilege of spending the rest of your life in your new home with me?âÂ
âOf course Iâll marry you, Fili.â Leaping over you toppled both of your bodies to the ground with your hug.Â
Landing on your sides, Fili pulls away quickly, âDonât crush your flowers!âÂ
âOh, oops, sorry.â You laugh before grabbing and smelling the bouquet, âWhereâd you get these?âÂ
âOh, I got them in Dale this morning,âÂ
âOh my gosh.â
He laughs, âYeah Iâve been writing to a botanist who has a flower shop in town, because I was wanting real yellow flowers for you.âÂ
âFlores amarillas.â
âWhat?â Fili looks at you.
âFlores amarillas, it means yellow flowers in Spanish.â
He smiles at you and slowly repeats, âflores amarillas.â
Giggling, you nodded.
Grinning at Fili, you made a mental note to teach him Spanish.
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Love and Deepspace: Caleb and Bad Writing (Long, LONG Rant)
I might be in the minority here but I'm not liking Caleb at all. (Edit 1: I said the wrong thing here, I do like Caleb. I think he has the potential to be a good character. The hate comes more from how Infold has done his story. Well, the story in general.)
I'm not bothered by the childhood friend thing. So that's not the issue I'm having. I'm just not liking the story. I feel like it was rushed which I know it probably wasn't but it feels that way. And it shows the bad writing of LaDS when it comes to the main storyline.
The way the MC is glossing over some huge red flags and blaring warning signs, it pisses me off. We get a tease of her fighting Caleb's yandere tendencies but she still lets it happen anyway. Infold really wanted to rush the relationship. They sure as hell don't know how to write a slow burn or even a medium burn.
Even Sylus, who has had less story and less everything, had more back and forth with MC than a supposed dead guy. MC hated and was annoyed being tethered to Sylus. Was annoyed when he appeared when she was with friends or with other hunters (conveniently when Xavier is not around).
Back to Caleb: Then there's the fact he is the only LI that wants to baby her in every aspect. The other LIs knew she could kickass and let her. Do they want to protect her? Yes. Do they protect her? Yes. But do they know she could do it on her own if needed? Hell yes. Caleb still thinks of her as the little girl who was afraid of thunderstorms. He constantly thinks of her as the girl who made childhood promises to him. And let's not forget, he drugs her to "keep her safe". He uses his evol to keep her in place. He locks her in her room. That is horrifying. And she glosses over it!!!! Everytime!!!! When she wants to "go out with friends" and he won't let her. He finds ways to keep her there. She doesn't question it.
Do I mind dark romance? No. I read dark romance but at least the FMC doesn't fall for MMC immediately. She thinks shit through. MC on the other hand doesn't bat an eye. Caleb has returned from the dead. Great, be happy. But don't just ignore that he's returned with issues and secrets. We can obviously see that he is not mentally all there. Don't just tell him everything and not be concerned that he's not reacting to shit. She's not really questioning the fact he is still alive. Not a priority, I guess.
She proceeds to tell Caleb everything about the papers that Grandma gave to Zayne (not Caleb btw) to give MC in the time of her passing. MC is not at all concerned about the consequences of doing that. She sees and hears Caleb being involved with the Professor and she still doesn't consider that a huge neon red flag. Instead she does everything in her power to excuse his behavior. What? He even tells her, "You think I have a chip in my brain?" He knows she's worried about it and still manipulates her into moving on from the question. And she does!!!
And then there's Zayne, who is also in Skyhaven, because of course he is, and still she doesn't tell him anything about Caleb even tho he was Caleb's childhood friend too. Or she doesn't go to him to ask for help. She was drugged by Caleb and she doesn't tell Zayne, her doctor. Zayne is literally there for no real reason in the story of Caleb and MC. He was used as a plot device for a different part of the story. How has Zayne not heard of Colonel Caleb? It seems that Caleb is a big deal in Skyhaven. Yet he doesn't know? I feel like Infold isn't going to have these two characters interact at all which would make no sense story wise.
We have these characters existing in one timeline/storyline together and we are supposed to believe they don't know about each other or MAYBE know about each other. Xavier literally lives in the same building as MC. He can enter her apartment at any time. She told him his fingerprint will let him in. She gave him the permission to literally barge in. He's her partner at the HA! And yet!!!! He never sees any of the other LIs come to her apartment? And he's conveniently missing when hunters are involved in the other LIs storylines. It's always another male colleague that she works with. It's getting old and stupid real quick.
The theory of the LIs being each other's antithesis makes no sense when they never acknowledge each other. Xavier/Sylus, Zayne/Caleb, Rafayel/LI6, really falls flat. It can't be they are different timelines or parallel universes when the storyline plainly connects them. In chapter 4, Caleb and Grandma talk about Zayne. They want to invite him over for dinner. And that's not the only time when the story connects the LIs. Zayne goes to check on the guy who has a mermaid skeleton in his living room. Rafayel gave the collector his painting that was slowly killing him. They all know about Onychinus which means they should know who Sylus is. And let's not forget Tara has met Sylus. Does she not mention him in front of Xavier?
I mean, come on. Math is not mathing.
Either Infold is purposely making MC dumb, because let's face it she makes some of the worst decisions, to explain the bad writing or they don't really know how to connect the storylines at all. (Edit 2: MC isn't dumb per say she lacks critical thinking skills sometimes. Maybe that's a better way to put it.)
I don't count the many 4/5 level special cards as a part of the main storyline because if that was the case the girl's evol should be teleportation or multiplication. Cause they all conveniently happen at the same time.
I know all of Caleb's cards aren't out and his storyline isn't complete (most of his cards are from the past) but that doesn't matter right now. It doesn't excuse the rushed feelings MC has in the present. Also in chapter 4, it is implied to us, as viewers, that MC didn't have romantic feelings for Caleb. They treated each other as siblings. (I know they aren't. I'm talking about how MC treated him in chapter 4.) Did Caleb have feelings? Yeah, that was obvious.
I don't know. Time will tell, I guess but so far the main story update has been disappointing for me. I want a VILLAIN romance but, please, do it well. I have the morally grey storyline with Sylus (kinda). Give me a well written Villain love interest. Don't rush it. Give me, present timeline yearning not past. Give me a slow-ish burn. Let MC and Caleb fight. Give me, knife to the throat romance. Don't make MC so gullible and naive. Let her ask other LIs for help when Caleb is stepping out of line. Have her question if he loves or is just obsessed with her.
Viper literally says that Caleb is obsessed with MC not in love with MC. He, a mentally unstable man/robot person, can tell the difference. MC is twiddling her thumbs and pretending not to see it.
Was Caleb in love at one point? I think so however with time it has twisted into obsession. (Edit 3: I'm not saying Caleb doesn't love MC now. I'm saying those feelings have twisted more to obsession. Like maybe whatever the Professor did, did something to his feelings for MC. And I know MC will enable him like MC does with Xavier. MC be freaky that way. That's not a bad thing for a FICTIONAL scenario.)
Also Kevi and Mia?! That storyline pissed me off. She literally sees something is wrong with the twins and does nothing. Mia doesn't give info to anyone because she doesn't trust them. Unfortunately for Mia, she put her trust in MC and that was a mistake because, as mentioned, MC is stupid. MC goes to where Kevi is hiding and doesn't take Zayne?!?!!? Doesn't take Kevi to Zayne immediately even tho he's ill. Why the fuck not?!
Kevi tells her point blank he was afraid of the Fleet and not to be trusted and she doesn't think it's bad when the Fleet got to him? No, because it's okay cause Caleb was involved? He was conveniently found by Caleb? That's not suspicious, that's not weird. Kevi must be okay. But wait, there's more! Mia conveniently dies right after. Neither Zayne or MC does anything beyond mentioning it was a weird coincidence. Not at all suspicious, apparently.
What the actual fuck? (Edit 4: I am aware that more happens than just casually mentioning the situation. I did, in fact, read the story. I just think certain choices leading up to Mia's death and Kevi's forced adoption could have easily been avoided or at least better written.
MC puts her trust in Caleb to do the right thing even tho she knows and acknowledges he's not the same anymore. I don't think I'm wrong for saying that it's a stupid choice story wise. It's obvious Caleb doesn't put his full trust in MC, but MC does. It causes an imbalance. We know MC can be and has been a badass; why diminish that?)
How is anyone not annoyed with the storyline? It makes Caleb a really bad character and LI, it further proves MC is dumb as shit. She's so easily manipulated and so impossibly naive.
No. No one cares because he's the Winter Soldier. Omg if real money is going to be spent on this godforsaken game make it worth it.
I was so excited for Caleb too. It's just sad.
(Edit 5: Because someone mentioned this đ, I'm aware that this is a Reverse Harem. I don't know where I said it wasn't. Besides this rant is based on the MAIN STORYLINE ONLY. NOT THE INDIVIDUAL CARDS.)
Also a random note, I don't like the voice of Jenna. It doesn't fit her at all. Not bashing the VA at all. She has a great voice. It's just not a strong voice for Jenna.
(Reminder: Before someone calls me easily manipulated, please note I was able to piss you off for criticizing a mobile game and a FICTIONAL character. I don't mind having adult discussions about LaDS but be an adult about it. I enjoy different perspectives and I'm not set on my opinions about the game. My mind can change depending on what comes next. It makes discussing/ playing the game more fun. I am allowed to express my opinions and feelings on what is out. If my opinion makes you so angry to the point of name calling, maybe you need to stop playing. A parasocial relationship to pixelated men is not a good thing for your mental health.)
#love and deepspace#lads#lads zayne#lads xavier#lads mc#lads rafayel#lads caleb#lads sylus#lads jenna
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heyy girl i think if u havenât what abt u write a dbf miguel x reader ik i see so many but theyre so gd to read they get me so invested every timeđ€·đœââïž
summary: youâve just come home from college for christmas but thereâs a stranger in your bedroom
a/n: dbf as in dads best friend or dad boy friend? đ iâd do either but for this iâll do dads best friend bc⊠yh. also tysm for the request it means sm đđđ also I guess this is a fic now? Bc I kinda hate one shots bci can never cut down on lore and stuff.
â€ïž
You hadnât realised how easily college had managed to seep its way into every aspect of your life, pulling you away from both your family and social life, until you came home for Christmas.
Everyone looks so different, your mum is more colourful and chirpy, your father is healthier and your brother is surprisingly mature. But what takes you most by surprise is the lack of silence that has taken them by storm. When you had come home for the summer most of your stay had been filled with an uncomfortable but unfortunately familiar silence following you around but now, you canât shut them up.
The entirety of the drive home from the train station is full of chatter, and for once they include you. They seem so genuinely invested about you that you don't even question the randomness of their questions, ranging from the journey home and the local shops that surround your campus.
âI heard that there's one of those pretentious, hipster coffee places nearby,â your dad claims from the driver's seat, not bothering to look around at you.
âVegan?â you offer dryly, unsure of it he knows you work there or not.
âThat's it!â he clicks proudly, resulting in both you and your brother sharing a sigh.
Part of you hopes that itâs because of you; that maybe they realised how much they loved you while you were gone and now feel overjoyed at your return. Thereâs a feeling of doubt floating around in your mind, telling you that this is just a random occurrence, but you push it to the side, wanting to focus on the positive and unrealistic.
***
Your brother helps you lug your suitcase into the house claiming, âItâs the least I can doâ which is surreal coming from someone who hasnât written to you the entirety of your time away. You hand him your antler clifton all the same, glad you didn't have to carry it across the drive as well as up the stairs.
The warmth from the house welcomes you in, the softness of the heated air a stark difference from the harsh bitterness from outside. The sweet smell of cinnamon and gingerbread candles lures you in so soothingly that you don't even notice the extra pair of shoes neatly paired together with the rest by the front door.
âI'll leave it here,â your brother mutters before sliding across the floorboards towards the living room on the heels of his feet- not as mature as you presumed. You smile half-heartedly with a small nod, jealous of how easily he can dismiss himself.
And suddenly youâre alone again, left to your own devices as your parents go start dinner and your brother now yelling into his mic from the living room. It hurts slightly, moments ago they were all over you, so invested in you and your life that you forgot what they're truly like. It's the way it always been and you're a fool for thinking otherwise.
You scold yourself for being so naive as to believe that they'd changed, that they weren't as self-absorbed as they used to be, before pulling yourself away from your sea of negative thoughts.
You stare at your suitcase, bright white light shining on it from the lamp hanging above your head, and decide to leave it there, too tired to carry it upstairs to your room.
The steps creak under your weight as you slouch up the stairs, one hand idly dragging across the chipped bannister. You can't count how many times your dadâs tried to repaint it, how much money he's spent on overpriced glosses and varnishes, how many hours he's spent sanding the thing down.
As you cross the landing, thick carpet dampening the sound of your steps, you the bathroom door left ajar and the soft heat emanating from it. Which is⊠weird because both your parents and your brother are downstairs. But you shrug it off, too fed up to care, and drag yourself over to your bedroom, head drooping downwards with fatigue.
Casually, you push your door open, expecting the room to be empty and your bed freshly made as it often is when you come home for the holidays. Except it isn't.
Soft jazz music hums throughout the room, playing from a speaker you can't quite place, and the smell of an intoxicatingly strong aftershave clings to the air. Your walls are still decorated with the wallpaper you had when you left but it's covered in various posters. Some are boring and presumably scientific based on the array of symbols, whereas others are insanely niche but you don't really put too much effort into trying to understand them- you're too distracted by the man standing in the middle of your room, half naked and dripping with water.
He's tall, intimidatingly so, but the soft dimples that form in his cheeks as he smiles down at you soothe your nerves- slightly.
âHey,â he grins down at you, head now cocked to the side and pats his ear causing water droplets to drip onto your carpeted floor.
You blink at him, completely dumbstruck and unsure of what to do. âWhat the fuck?â you breathe shakily, palms clamming up as your brain desperately flickers between arousal and fear.
The manâs brow furrows at your anxious tone and his smile falters slightly. âI think I should be the one cursing here,â he jests, tone annoyingly light, âyouâve just walked into my room without knocking or anything.â
âYou're room?â you scoff, arms folding across your chest. âYou're the stranger here, not me.â
He grins at your attitude, those dimples presenting themselves again. âIâm offended, has it been that long since you've last seen me?â he questions, large hand splayed across his chest feigning offence.
You pause for a moment and let your gaze scan him for a moment. He looks familiar, dark slicked back hair and mahogany eyes that are simultaneously scrutinizing and sympathetic.
âA la mierda, querida, have you really forgotten me?â he teases.
And then it clicks. You feel so embarrassed now, for not recognising him. Miguel, your dadâs best friend who you haven't seen for years, is finally visiting again.
He does look different now, though. He's still tall and his face is as chiselled as ever, though there are creases in his skin from when he's smiled too often or squinted too hard at the sun, but he's bulked up a considerable amount. His biceps look bigger than your thighs, tensing and relaxing with every slight movement and shining with the shower water in the yellow light of the evening sun. In fact, his entire body is covered in muscles, and what you can see of his lower half is toned, covered in dark tufts of hair, yes, but the curvature of each muscle is still visible.
He clears his throat and you realise that youâve been staring longer than intended, shame burning hot on your neck.
âSorry,â you mutter, âabout not recognising you.â
He shrugs off your apology, which irks you slightly but you push past it, and smile once again. âI look different, old age is catching up on me.â
That's definitely what's different.
> next
#atsv miguel#miguel o'hara#miguel spiderman#miguel spiderverse#spider man 2099#spiderman 2099#miguel x reader#miguel x you#miguel au#dilf miguel#older Miguel
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Hiya! Also checking in to ask about your thoughts on characters with FDs. I am keeping in mind that itâs not your job to educate others, so if me asking this feels like itâs perpetuating that idea, lmk. Iâm mainly sending an ask because you responded to the previous one with gladness about being reached out to.
So, I know villains with FDs are a pretty MASSIVE ânoâ. Full stop. I was wondering what your thoughts were on fans portraying villains from established media who have FDs in their works? (ex. Iâm personally uncomfortable drawing Chipâs post-Chipped Off design because Iâve since learned the ableism his design perpetuates, but I still write his post-Chipped Off self in an apocalypse fanfic I have (and in rps and whatnot), where his FD is never talked about or visibly portrayed, but post-Chipped Off him is still used because the writings take place after that episode. Do you see that as an issue at all?)
Also, side question, and still sort of related, but what are your thoughts on characters with FDs who arenât villains, but implied to be reckless/are reckless or just jerks in general (take Nick Mulligan for example)? Do you think they perpetuate any ableist stereotypes, or is it different since theyâre not a villain and instead a flawed side-character?
Iâd love to hear your thoughts, since youâre apart of the demographic disfiguremisia affects!
thank you for the ask! yeah, it isn't my job to educate people on the basics of this stuff, and i'm glad you're aware of that! i wouldn't worry about it because anything that goes over my boundaries i'll probably just ignore or respond privately lol. i don't feel forced to do anything i don't want to do on this site
i'm also uncomfortable drawing chip's S4 scar, but i love his return in the season otherwise! i think so long as you continue to acknowledge the ableism in his design and avoid it, you're good! you're still allowed to enjoy a character while realizing that some aspects could've been done better :)
oh dang nick mulligan i have some mixed feelings about. he's a really enjoyable and sympathetic character, but in the end he's still a scamming jerk in the end, right? people will still take away bad things about visually disabled people then. big city greens' only FD rep are with chip, viperfang, cogburn, and nick (AFAIK). and 3/4 of those characters are written to go against the protagonists.
maybe if there were more characters with facial differences who weren't a-holes (like. imagine jade with a facial difference! maybe her glasses correct her strabismus or something! that'd be awesome!) then that'd balance it out, and i'd be okay with nick's eyepatch LOL. but when your only facial difference representation is only of bad people, you are not putting us in a good light. y'know?
like, for comparison, imagine if cricket was the only confirmed character with ADHD in the show (which, i think quiet please codes him as that anyway, but i digress). cricket is an awesome, enjoyable character with his own strengths and pitfalls! but having your only ADHD character be an extremely reckless and hyper young boy perpetuates every ADHD stereotype in the book lol. having multiple other characters with ADHD, with different personalities and ways of symptoms presenting, not only breaks that stereotype but actively challenges it!
again sorry if any of this was unorganized. it's actually really nice being able to put down my thoughts for others in a coherent way haha. i hope this helps!!
(edit: i forgot to add this, but i wouldn't get rid of nick's eyepatch like i would with chip's scar! because nick actually has redeeming qualities about him-- wanting to bond with his grandchildren-- and i don't want that representation taken away, questionable as it may be overall. chip just straight up wants to murder the greens and he gains his scar for no reason mid-way through the show, so that i don't consider disability erasure)
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My Muse

Chapter 2: đ°đąđđđĄđđ«đđđ đąđ§ đđĄđČ đ°đšđ«đđŹ
âș Confusion fills the both of you in different forms.
Elliott has met the new farmer, and quickly becomes infatuated. He attempts to keep his focus on his writing-- and fails, over and over, rather becoming a lovesick poet.
Pairing: Elliott x Farmer!Fem!Reader
âș previous chapter masterpost next chapter
The morning doves squawked their song, rising you from your deep slumber. You had an odd dream that night, involving parsnips, letters and some sort of⊠what was it again? You shook your head, deciding to cast the thought away. It left you a little shaken upâ yet you couldnât understand why you dreaded the letters aspect out of all. Sliding the thin blanket away from your body, you put on your slippers. Clack. A sharp sound sounded outside, like a letterbox being closed. You peeked your head through the misted windows, seeing some paper peeking through the hole in the box. Whoever delivered it must have done a terrible job, folding most of the lettersâ giving them dog-eared looks.Â
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Gradually, you finished your morning routine, having brushed your teeth, dressed appropriately for farm-work and steeled yourself for the gruelling hours you were about to endure. Noticing the parsnip seeds on the table at your left, you pocketed them and exited the door. You decided to make a mental list of what you had to do for the day: plant the parsnips, meet the other villagers, check out the deeper parts of the farm, check out your letters and⊠you almost forgot. You took out the seashell in your pocket, looking at the small engravings in it. You had to return this to Elliottâ remember?
Taking your hoe, you began. Heaveâ ho, heaveâ ho.Â
Either breakfast didnât give you enough energy, or you were extremely unathletic. Each time you hoed the ground you felt a small chunk of you being ripped away, leaving you absolutely exhausted at the end of it. To be fair, it wasnât only hoeing you did, but also chopping down the trees that seemed to infestate your farm like pests. Â
Â
You wiped the sweat from your face, breathing heavily. Sowing was much easier, barely taking a swipe to finish all your seeds. Planting parsnips, done. You may have forgotten an important piece of the process, yet you didnât notice yet.
Â
Now for the next job in question would be⊠checking out the letters, right? It was right there on your farm, it wouldnât make sense not to since you were already here. You opened the box, a flurry of paper spewing out. The previous critique of the postman being bad was gone, rather feeling pity for him having hauled all of this so far. Most were from your parents and old friends from Zuzu, congratulating you for moving and wishing you luck. Some with small specks of change and food here and there. Though, a few were from villagers, piquing your interest.
Â
Â
From Robin,
Â
Hey there, Y/N! Iâm the carpenter for this town. We already got introduced when you first got off the bus, but I wanted to remind you about me⊠annnd to encourage you to come to my shop sometime! 50% Off for the first time!
Â
Â
You smiled, switching to the next letter.
Â
Â
Ahoy farmer, me and your grandfather were buds a while ago. Come to the beach and Iâll teach you some tips on how to fish. Itâs the best sustainable way to eat meat here in the valley. Iâll even share some stories about me and your pops when we were young.
Â
Willy.
Â
Â
Each villager had their very own writing styles, though it seemed all of them shared the mutual feeling of wanting to meet you. There was one last letter from someone, marked with a cross on the envelope. The rest of the letters being maps for the village and a small guide.
In scrawly handwriting, it was written:
Â
Â
Your eyes are a prison I never wish to escape from,
Nor accept rescue. You are like the sun;
I wish to for you to shine forevermore,Â
Even if in my mind it will be.
But even the sun does not compare to your beauty,
Even with its light it does not hold a candle to your eyes.
Â
Â
You stared at the words for a few moments. Confused. Surprised. Perplexed. Any of these words wouldnât begin to describe how you felt. The letter wasnât signed, and it seemed like it was crumpled before, being straightened out and folded neatly to send to you. You could see how hard the pen was pressed against the paper, making obvious markings.Â
Â
You blinked slowly, before pocketing the letters, still startled. How were you meant to react? Sure, you felt complimented, but you hadnât even met anyone in town⊠hold up⊠it couldnât be? He did say he was a writer, and this is a poem, but it felt like the coincidence was too great. Surely after only a day of not even âknowingâ each other, he couldnât be enamoured?
Â
The song of the birds softened, letting you listen to your thoughts. There was no way, literally. Only a crazy person would fall so hard so easily⊠thus, you decided to stop thinking about it. Maybe it was someone from Zuzu, having met a few weirdos in your time there. No, it was definitely someone from Zuzu. At least, that's what you managed to convince yourself. Guilt littered your heart, being suspicious of Elliott felt bad. You had just met him.
Â
Okay⊠you needed to get back on track, what was next? Right, you should return the seashell before anything else, since he was on your mind now. It looked important, and for all you know he could be panicking for it.Â
Â
You slipped off your boots coated in mud, and decided to wear the farmer attire for the rest of the day, making your way to the beach. During your trip, you had met a few more faces: namely Haley, Harvey and a small kind grandma called Evelyn. Each personality was a stark contrast to each other: Haley having called your clothes âdirtyâ and âunfashionableâ; Harvey stressing the need for medical care; and Evelyn simply commenting on how âhardworkingâ you looked in your denim overalls. By the time you stepped on the sand, a smile coated your features.
Â
Your eyes noticed a ginger-haired man wafting through the sand, picking up seashells and tossing them after examining them for a brief period. It seemed your doubts were right.
âHey, Elliott!â You waved at him from a distance, though your voice seemed to stop the man in his tracks.
Â
You couldnât have found out already, surely? His thoughts were a sudden wreck, already in a mess due to losing his belonging. He stopped in his tracks, slowly raising his eyes to meet yours. You held a look of utter innocence and obliviousness. His doubts seemed to wash away like seafoam⊠talking of seafoam, his feet were getting wetâ water seeping through his shoe.Â
Â
âY/N,â he said, shakilyâ silently as if admiring you, before clearing his throat and repeating it louder for you to hear: âY/N.âÂ
You walked towards him, palm outstretched with the clam in-hand. He bore a look of amazement, taking it gently from your hand. The man couldnât believe you had found it, and nevertheless, returned it. Elliott worried Vincent or Jas mistook it for a normal shell, yet it seemed as if fate brought you two together.
Â
âWhatâs with all the little drawings carved on it?â You asked, still smiling, happy that he looked so grateful.
âAr⊠UrmâŠâ He stumbled on his words, putting the object in his pocket and closing it tightly. Never again⊠âItâs a gift from Leah, my first friend in Pelican Town. She picked up this shell from the tidepools down there, and painstakingly carved out each drawing by hand. I couldnât bear to lose my lucky charm, thank you, Y/N.â
Â
The absolute show of gratitude almost caught you off guard, Elliott cupping his heart to show his utter appreciation for your attention. â My muse is observant, best not to let my heart take me again and deliver one of those poems lest she figures it outâŠÂ â He sighed, his thoughts bothering him. Why on earth had he trekked out in the early hours of the morning to show you his lovesick work? After he came back, a sense of guilt overtook him like nothing else, yet it was too late.Â
Perhaps he was too forward⊠at least he complimented himself for not signing the letter.
Â
âThatâs so cool! Theyâre so tiny, that mustâve taken a lot of time,â you commented, now staring him directly in the eye. The manâs thoughts were abruptly interrupted, now focusing once on you. His mind ran wild with ideas simply standing by you, all to fuel his novel. He couldnât let such a source of inspiration go. He had written more last night than he had in the past months, even though it was unrelated to the book.
Â
âYes, she actually gives me some art every once or so, in exchange for a sneak peek at my bookâŠâ He trailed off, adding quietly at the end: ânot that I work on it these daysâŠâ The fact you were interested was bewildering to him, barely able to speak such things with others. They all shook him off, so he rather chose to be a listener than a speaker. In fact, his previously honeyed words stopped short at your sight, barely able to hold a conversation now. What have you done to him? You must be a witch, in his eyes, to make him so longing.Â
Â
He could not yet describe this as love, rather a lust to continue his long-lost passion by using you. Thatâs why he felt guilty. All these thoughts crossed his mind a split second before you responded, still joyous and unaware.
Â
âOh! You told me you were a writer, but I didnât know you were writing a bookâŠâ You stopped short, wondering if that sentence made you sound stupid or ignorant to what writers do, âWhatâs it about?â
Â
Elliott took a breath, â compose yourself â, âItâs a secret,â he winked, a smile creeping up his face once more.
Â
âAgh, câmon man. Canât you spill?â You asked, pouting slightly in disappointment. Taking a slight glance at the sky, you remembered your list. And how little time you had to complete it.Â
You went through it again in your head: meet villagers, clean your farmâ you forgot to water your parsnips! You werenât confident that they would die, after all they were seeds, but you werenât going to mess up on your first harvest.Â
Before letting him respond, you started to back away slightly, âElliott, I forgot something important! Justâ tell me about it through the mail or something, okay? Or, Iâll come by later!âÂ
Â
You began jogging on the spot, waiting for a nod of acknowledgment from the man. When received, you began dashing back to the bridge, a fog of sand trailing your steps.Â
Â
Elliott was left there, slightly amused by your sudden disappearance and slightly disheartened. He was about to tell you, yet it seemed there was something more important in your mind. You had only came to give him back his belongings, so why was he so irritated? â Something more important than me? â He couldnât stop thoughts of envy, he had met you so shortly and yet he was thinking like this.Â
Â
Was it the practical human isolation? He hadnât talked to anyone in a week. Or was itâŠ? The ginger-haired man shook his head violently. He gripped his wrist in shame, trailing back to the cabin. The sound of his shoes and stones coming together resonated through his mind, deciding to focus on his environment for now. If he thought about you now, god forbid, he might do the same as last night. His eyes were still heavy and wrist was still tired. Yet, he couldnât stop reciting in his mind, no matter how hard he tried.Â
Â
Shall I compare thee to a summerâs day?
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Blessed Are The Meek 4
Summary: you are trapped in an awkward circumstance with a widowed commander. (Handmaid AU)
Warning:Â this series will contain violence, dystopian aspects, rape and noncon, blood, coercion, sterility, and other dark elements. Please read these warnings and beware.
Character:Â Tommy Shelby
Note: thank you for following along. Iâm sure yall didnât expect to write Tommy again but here we are. Also feedback and comments if you dont mind. Maybe a reblog. đđđđ

Youâre taken inside through a back entry. The guardian walks you through the accommodation, a small walk-up with two narrow floors. He puts the Commanderâs bag beside you before he continues through the front door, locking it behind him as his shadow darkens the iron grate of the window. He takes his post, more keeping out and trespasser than keeping you in.
You grab the bag and lug it up the stairs. There is a single bedroom. You unzip the compact suitcase on the bed and hang the contents in the closet. Not much, a few days at most. You set his toiletries in the attached bathroom and slide the bag under the bed.
Hunger breaks through your passive numb but you ignore the grumble in your stomach. Typically, you only eat what is leftover after serving the Commander. You have heard of marthas losing their tongues and teeth over excessive and unpermitted indulgence.
Your stomach squeezes and roars loudly as you come back to the first floor. You sit on the bench against the wall; wooden and without cushion. You put your head down and lock your back. You will be there a while. Until he returns.
Your eyes droop and you drift into a daze. Something like sleep but not quiet. Youâre weighed down by the fatigue, cocooned in it, but still aware of every creak of the house and subtle shifting of the man outside the door.
The house is dark when you hear the dulled tones of the Commanderâs voice. You sit up stiffly, your lower back on fire as the door opens. There is a reproachful hum before the entryway lights up around Commander Shelby. You brace a hip as you stand, head down, to greet him.
âUnder his eye.â
He says nothing as he peels off his jacket and hangs it on the rack. He kicks his shoes on the mat but does not remove them. He strides past you as you keep still, trying not to fold at the ache nailed into your hip bones.
âI require a bath.â
âYes, Commander,â you answer and turn slowly.
You follow him upstairs, two paces back. Nothing so close as to crowd him. He goes into the bedroom and when you enter, he is already sat on the edge of the bed, sharply untying his shoes, the tips of the laces whipping the leather.
You proceed into the bathroom and stop before the tub. You stare at the white porcelain. You are forlorn for a moment before you recall yourself and twist the faucet on. You put your fingers beneath the flow as you adjust the temperature. There is a longing deep inside of you; the memory of late night baths, the rare escape from your life. A different life. A life thatâs over.
You hear the Commander in the next room and you stand, so quickly you canât help a squeak as you touch your lower back. You quickly tear your hand away as he enters. You put your head down and edge away from the tub.Â
He crosses the floor, his suspenders pushed aside to hand from his trousers, as he unbuttons his grey shirt. You near the door, intent to leave him, nervous of his brazen undressing. He has never done that in front of you before.Â
âBy his eye,â you dismiss yourself as you reach the threshold.
âStay,â he demands.
You want to question him. You want to put up some protest. You shouldnât remain because it is improper. Because it is against the scripture. A martha you may be but in their eyes, a woman stained with the first sin.
You back up, standing with your shoulder to the wall, so he is only a shadow looming at your peripheral. You keep your gaze to the tile and clutch your hands tight. You hear the water stir as he steps into the bath and he lowers himself with a long sigh.
âCommander,â you utter meekly, almost cowering. âI could make teaââ
âLater. Turn the faucet off before this overflows.â
You wince. You steel yourself and pivot awkwardly on your feet. You go to the tub, not looking past its curled feet, and you bend over the rim to turn off the water. The steam wafts up to dampen the front of your smock.
You stand straight, head to one side as you refuse to peek. You cannot imagine the consequence. You realise, it is a test. He is trying to tempt you to do just that. So he has reason to punish you. It cannot be anything else.
âAre you adept with a straight razor?â He asks.
The question surprises you. You nod, unable to muster your voice.Â
âGet it.â
You wait for no other explanation. You got to the brown leather pouch you propped on the counter and unzip it. You pull out the long rectangular case that holds his razor, the small brass cup with a wooden handled brush, and the soap.Â
You add water and lather the soap with the bristle before you approach him. You kneel at the side of the tub as he leans his head back. You spread the foam over his jaw, fighting now to shake. You put the cup down with the brush, slipping the case from your apron pocket and opening it to free the razor.
You unfold the blade and grip the handle tight. You look at the Commander and his exposed throat. Your eyes wander to the wall. A small act of revenge but for what? They would do worse to you.Â
Your hand shakes and you lower your eyes, meeting the Commanderâs gaze with surprise. His lips are slanted.
âDo you know what I would do to you with that razor if you even nick me?â He warns.
âCommander, Iââ
âQuiet.â He leans back again and closes his eyes. He knows you will do your duty, nothing less, nothing more. As always.
#tommy shelby#dark tommy shelby#dark!tommy shelby#tommy shelby x reader#blessed are the meek#au#drabble#series#peaky blinders#handmaid au
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dear critter (wildflowers 2025)
Hi! Iâm burningdarkfire on both AO3 and tumblr.
The prompts below are in order of preference, although of course I would be excited about anything listed (which is why I listed them!). If you want reference points, Iâve written 80+ critrole fics on my main AO3 account that you are welcome to peruse.
I read widely and am hard to shock or dismay. In general, I would prefer for you to write something you are comfortable with than tie yourself into knots trying to fulfill my vision. Confident writing is fun to read!
I am not active in discord servers but you can always reach me on tumblr if you have questions. Here is last yearâs Dear Critter letter if youâd like it for reference.
Details below!
DNWs:
I love reading and writing about trans characters, but I do not want to put the pressure of conforming to my complex preferences onto a gifter. Please avoid any unrequested genderfuckeryâthere are two exceptions that I will detail in the next section.
I do not want any included or implied character backstory for Essek Thelyss that whumps him to explain or excuse his actionsâthis includes abuse from his family members, abuse from members of the Cerberus Assembly, etc. Additionally, I strongly prefer that Essek returns to the Dynasty post-campaign and tries to build a home there.
I do not want sprinklings of other languages in the ficâthis includes snippets of dialogue, recurring jokes, nicknames, pet names, etc. I know it's a canon characteristic for some but I prefer not to read it. It's fine for the narration to indicate that characters are speaking in other languages or if there is a specific purpose to the change in language (e.g., familial titles that don't translate if they are strictly necessary for the world-building).
Likes:
Explicit fic, including both smut and darkfic
Power dynamics, complicated relationships, codependency, devotion, strong platonic bonds, relationships that defy labels, polyamory, having casual sex or sex between people who are not in a romantic relationship, waking up together, laughing together, descriptions of food and other small aspects of domestic life, found family
Stories that explore the role gender plays in characterâthe two exceptions to the above âno genderfuckeryâ are a/b/o and Rule 63
I absolutely adore aromantic Caleb Widogast with my whole heart
C2 and Non-C2 Canon:
I have partially watched M9 Reunited, M9 Echoes of the Solstice, and Campaign 3, and I don't particularly care for any of it as guiding principles for the Campaign 2 characters "post-canon"
I found the Campaign 2 finale disappointing in how it dealt with Trent Ikithon, Astrid, and Eadwulf
I have read some very good fic that takes into account all of the above, so I am open to them as subjects or just given facts (while keeping in mind that fugitive Essek is a strict DNW so "Seth Domade" would need to have an alternate explanation)
I love Caleb's M9 Origins comic deeply, but I definitely consider it extraneous to canon and would be happy to play in a different sandbox
Request #1: Campaign 2 Astrid & Wulf
Astrid Becke & Eadwulf Grieve, Astrid Becke/Eadwulf Grieve
Let's hear it for my sound of the summer! The greatest codependent bonded pair in Schrödinger's relationship! I would love to see situations in which these two come apart or come together. How do they grieve when Bren breaks or how do they react when Caleb comes back into their lives? Do they have compatible philosophies about their role as Volstrucker or have they had to make peace with what the other believes? If they disagree, how do they keep going, knowing that they share something no one else will ever understand? Pre-canon, post-canon, mid-canon; happy and unhappy endings all welcome. I'm curious to see these two at odds when we usually see fanworks of them as a unit/bonded pair, but I also love to hear about them being older than they ever expected to be and surprisingly happy.Â
Request #2: Campaign 2 Blumendrei
Astrid Becke/Eadwulf Grieve/Caleb Widogast
It's my fucking bread and butter and I'll take pretty much anything. Academy days, post-campaign reunion, the most nebulous of timelines or the most obscure of AUs. I'm happy to read about assassination missions, eating lunch and doing homework together, or a modern AU with corporate office jobs. How did their relationship startâhow did it fall apartâhow did they reconnect? It can be nostalgic, happy, or toxic. It's fine if not all the characters involved are queer, as long as they're together. The sky's really the limit here!
Request #3: Campaign 2 Wizard Soups
Astrid Becke/Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss, Astrid Becke/Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Astrid Becke/Essek Thelyss, Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss, Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
A longstanding favourite of mine! They're so similar and yet so differentâI love to imagine how they might fit (or not fit!) with each other. There's a lot of potential post-canon for complicated feelingsâjealousy, nostalgia, missing someone even though they're right there, staking claims on Caleb's past/present/future, budding and re-budding relationships. I don't need Caleb to be present in a fic where he isn't included in the central pairing, but I think his presence or absence is exactly what makes A/E/W contending with each other interesting. I love it when no one knows the answer to "what are we?"Â Divergent canons, such as Volstrucker!Bren, are also totally okay and encouraged. I particularly enjoy explorations of the canon where Astrid kills Trent and/or the existence of the Volstrucker continue under her hand. I think there's a lot of opportunity to explore how A/E/W are much closer to the dirty details of running a nation versus an idealistic Calebâhow might they collaborate or antagonize?Â
Request #4: Campaign 2 Wizard Shenanigans
Astrid Becke/Beauregard Lionett, Astrid Becke/Beauregard Lionett/Yasha Nydoorin, Astrid Becke/Jester Lavorre, Astrid Becke/Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett, Astrid Becke/Marion Lavorre | Ruby of the Sea, Eadwulf Grieve/Fjord Stone, Eadwulf Grieve/Fjord Stone/Caleb Widogast, Fjord Stone/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Fjord Stone/Essek Thelyss, Lucien/Caleb Widogast, Marion Lavorre | Ruby of the Sea/Caleb Widogast
Basically this is my catch-all category for "happy to read more about the wizards"! Again, pretty much anything goesâflirty and fun, serious parallel character studies, "what if" moments in canon that might have turned another way. Non-canonical pairings in the background are okay and even encouraged. My only preference is that Astrid, Wulf, and Caleb remain on good (or just unknown) terms if the fic is focused on them with other partners.
Request #5: Campaign 2 Beau's Boys
Beauregard Lionett/Caleb Widogast, Beauregard Lionett/Fjord Stone
Big fan of people sleeping with their best friends! I think a natural fit for these pairs would be a Polynein situation, but I'm also open to other scenarios: drunken hookups at bachelor parties, "friendly" explorations of each other's bodies, an AU with arranged marriages, etc. Awkwardness and uncertainty about finding a homie hot is welcome, but I'm not really interested in any overwhelming shame or guiltâI want to celebrate the myriad ways it's possible to love!
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okay i need to ask cause im curious, what are your top 5 bruce banner/hulk stories? i have such a hole in my marvel knowledge about them aside from like. cartoons or w/e of him
Oh, this is a pleasant surprise. Thank you for asking.
We'll be quite happy to hear your favorite DC comics in return sometime, so do hit us up.
So, to answer the question. It's on a sliding scale. Hulk is an interesting character because he's the ultimate incarnation of a typical miscommunication fight-to-friends superhero scuffle. His one against Wolverine was the introduction of that character and both Avengers AND Defenders had elements of that in their origins.
Hulk makes for a glue to the Marvel universe because he is always a hero and yet he can always be fighting against other heroes. More often than not he is.
Assume you've checked out our Essay Posts but for us we want to see a story about Hulk explore different aspects of the character. Our favorite authors for him are Peter David, Greg Pak and Al Ewing. We also prefer stories that deal with Bruce's DID.
#1 is and always will be Immortal Hulk. This 50 issue run is so good it briefly outsold Batman. It's horror themed, references the entire lore of the character and is an anti-capitalism anthem. I once saw a shitpost that said that Immortal Hulk is what Mr. Robot would be if the Alderson System decided to just punch capitalism until it stopped. But sincerely it's introspective, it's respectful of DID in a way I've not really seen many other comics get right and Joe says "Trans Rights" (there's also a prominent trans character who resists propaganda/nostalgia based mind control because she's fucking sick of the world telling her what she is supposed to be and she does not look at her childhood as a safe place to retreat to).
#2 Ground Zero by Peter David. This was about the time that PAD was gearing Hulk from the Mantlo era into his soap opera era and in this era he's writing a Gray Hulk who speaks more than the green guy and isn't the hero that everyone would associate with the character. The best part of this arc by far is the depiction of Sam Sterns, The Leader, and why he is a fun and perfect foil for Hulk/Banner. Just a damn good comic. As its its spiritual follow-up a few years later, Countdown.
#3 Joe Fixit/Vegas Arc by Peter David. Right after Ground Zero. Pretty much anything between Joe's introduction in Vegas as an enforcer up until Samson forces the system to merge into a new alter called The Professor. It's soap opera action but it's fun seeing the Hulk/Banner divide from the perspective of Hulk. Usually Banner is the one trying to prevent the transformations and feeling Hulk is ruining his stability and life but here you have Joe living a happy life and Banner being the thing ruining it for him. Made for some interesting stories for a few years. The scene with Betty and Joe laughing together is one of my favorite moments in comic history.
#4 Planet Hulk. Honestly anything in Pak's run is good (I especially liked the Amadeus Cho stuff with Hercules) but Planet Hulk is rightfully held up as the best of the era and gets consistent adaptations (Thor Ragnarok is pretty much Planet Hulk). Hulk being imprisoned by a barbarian race is actually a fairly common story. I can think of 3 times it has happened off the top of my head. He even gets a love interest in 2 of them. But this one is the perfection of that oddly specific formula.
#5 Crossroads. The Bill Mantlo series which pretty much all modern Hulk takes inspiration from knowingly or otherwise. 80s Hulk was a weird time because of the TV show bringing a lot of interest to the character which couldn't translate into the Marvel universe as it stood at the time and that series was able to isolate him out into his little adventures which were fairly isolated and got to be experimental. Also includes the Banner family backstory as well as a symbiotic alien parasite a short while before Spidey had his black suit stuff happen. It's a classic.
Thank you for asking and sincerely ignore everything and just read Immortal Hulk because it's the correct answer.
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The Art of Loving
by Erich Fromm
For many years I have been on the quest for a piece of literature that would describe love to me. As a hopeless romantic, and as a lover of love I can finally say that I have found the closest description of love while relating it to important themes that evoke critical thinking. At first, I had a fair anxiety about finding this book to be nothing but a cliché self-help book that has a rather repetitive fashion and does not present new ideas to the question of "What essentially is love, and how can it be practiced?"
Erich Fromm succeeded in opening my mind up to the importance and the indispensability of self-discipline, of facing the harsh reality of things, and the way present socio-economic structures have affected our views on relationships. He proceeds to define the current human experience as an alienation of Man from his true essence; prioritizing pleasure that not only does not fulfill Man but empties him and leaves him shallow. On page 68, he states "Man's happiness today consists of 'having fun'. Having fun lies in the satisfaction of consuming and 'taking in' commodities, sights, food, drinks, cigarettes, people, lectures, books, movies - all are consumed, swallowed. The world is one great object for our appetite, a big apple, a big bottle, a big breast; we are the sucklers, the eternally expectant ones, the hopeful ones - and the eternally disappointed ones." We can sense bits of Aldous Huxley's Brave New World in that quote as it can be correlated to how society, especially consumer culture, has allowed us to take in pleasures in life that arenât that essential to our 'raison d'ĂȘtre' or meaning to life. Everything has become so accessible, it has been taken for granted. Additionally, capitalist society has turned love into a profitable project rather than a fundamental human and universal experience that neednât be marketed.
The author has also debunked many myths about what a successful marriage can be based on and what it can consist of. "One of the most significant expressions of love, and especially of marriage with this alienated structure, is the idea of the 'team'," he writes. Marriage is an institution that has recently fallen victim to doubt and questioning by society. Is marriage the legitimate manifestation of love? Is it the last reachable goal in people's relationships? Why is it unsuccessful then? Questions with possible answers that Fromm has explored in his 3rd chapter (Love and Its Disintegration in Contemporary Western Society).
Furthermore, the discussion gets stretched to a very interesting and rather crucial point of any conversation or analysis; God's place within the topic of love. In the chapter 'The Theory of Love', Erich Fromm goes into all possible kinds of love, and the part called 'Love of God' is the most intriguing. The author writes about the religious and spiritual aspects of the phenomenon of love. Summoning Taoism, Man's relation to God, and so on. "Thus paradoxical logic leads to the conclusion that the love of God is neither the knowledge of God in thought, nor the thought of one's love of God, but the act of experiencing the oneness with God."
Overall, 'The Art of Loving' has imprinted its ideas and sentences in my brain like tattoos. It gave me incitement to take control over my life and my relationships; to exercise love in its purest form and wish nothing in return, and to practice the art of living as well as the art of loving.
#books and libraries#library#erich fromm#books#love#relationship#philosophy#self development#religion#capitalist society#sociology#psychology#book review#book recommendations#review#classic
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The warmth that explodes into pieces of rage and sadness.
Gender neutral reader, fluff â angst TW/CW: hi. im back and with angst, ofc. sad themes ykwim also i feel like i keep writing tighnari oh well Character(s): Tighnari Word count: 927 Proofread: n/a | And my dear, the tragedy begins, from you. |
He didnât fully understand why he felt this way.
He should, but he doesnât. He doesnât know love. He doesnât know the complicated emotions that create the feeling of love. But he saw you. He met you. You let him feel, experience and learn the feeling of love. The affection that budded through his heart, his clumsy expression of love still heartfelt pouring from his chest, like a flower that bloomedâalike to how flowers would fall during spring in Inazuma. He wished to take you there. To him, you were his new stage of life, a new light, a safe place, and someone to love.
â
To be fully honest, you werenât sure if you wanted to find someone, a partner, to be with in the first place. All you wanted was simple answers to questions you hadâtrivial ones, but also not. You happened to meet him during your little journey to find answers to your highly philosophical questions. Was it his ears that stood out to you? Was it his tail? Was it the beautiful shades of brown and green in harmony in his eyes that pulled you to him? You didnât know. Yet to you, he was the moon in the dark night sky, your sun during the difficult days, someone to confide in.
â
Both of you were happy. It was nice to have someone to share affection withâa beautiful flower that bloomed during the brightest of daysâthe light of love that helped it bloom. Yet people fight. It isnât uncommon. Animals fightâhumans fight, they think, thus they fight. They fight, and they separate, or they return.
â
For the most part, you both would returnâpromises of better communication, proper actions, setting boundaries. But these fights became more common. It wasnât exactly a daily fight per se, yet from the tiniest bit of disagreement would turn to an argument that would last for a week, to a few, to a month.
â
It occurred to him that heâd lose you if he kept running away from his problems, his mistakes. He knows that you do your best to communicate, to apologise. He liked that aspect of yours. To him, it was ironic how he could barely utter a single âIâm sorryâ when he was obviously in the wrongâ it was ironic how he would try to flee from admitting his wrongdoings when he thought that heâd be the best in admitting what he did wrong. Apparently he wasnât. Not when youâtired eyes, a face with an expression so tired and exhaustedâcame up to him with teary, watery eyes, voice shaky and throat hurting from the tears that threatened to cascade down your face, that you felt tired of saying sorry to everything he did wrong. That you were tired, and thought you were the only one that was truly committed to this relationship. He had hugged you, his hand letting go of his book, patting your head and back as the tears fell. Yet he had not uttered a single âsorryâ.
â
You still think that he isnât serious anymore. That he doesnât care. You have barely heard or seen him say or gesture his apology. It makes you wonder if heâs tired. That he needs a break. It also makes you think if youâre the problem. But you know you arenât. His actions give you mixed signals that send you into a spiral, endless, dark, tiring, you couldnât grasp your mind around what he really meant anymore. He promised before time and time again that heâd really admit to his mistakes yet you couldnât see a change one bit except for his disappearances during the middle of the night into his study, reading a book. He pays attention to youâ yet he doesnât do anything to change his actions. His stubbornness still rages on, and youâre tired, exhausted, you canât keep this up anymore. You still love him. You really do, but does he still love you like you do now? His emotions and feelings for you are still warm, a warmth that gives you such happiness. Now, you canât help but think it's a waste of emotions, timeâ your anger grows, with the sadness that grows bigger than the red emotion of rage. Until it shatters.
â
The last he remembers your hug and your hand in his seems like a few years ago. The last he remembers your smile seems more long ago. But itâs only been a few days. Youâd left a note on the bed, âIâm going to travel for a bit. Iâll be back in a few monthsâ. His fears seemed to come true when heâd searched around the house to find most of your belongings gone. Did you lie? You wouldnât normally lie. And he thinks of the past few weeks, and he understands why you really would lie. It pains him to no end with the idea of you leaving him unlike your little noteâs contents. Perhaps he shouldâve been more clear, truthfulâhe resented himself for being a coward behind words of apology. Yet he tries to utter the words again, and it comes to him that he cannot. Itâs difficult, a force that stops him. Why? He wonders. He doesnât know the answer. If only he could teach himself to even uttering a sincere apology, or go through the steady steps with you, perhaps this wouldnât have happened. If he had laid down his stubbornness, this wouldnât have happened. But it did, and he canât go back. All he can do is wait. Wait until you come back, if you do.
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