#and wanting to just do something else
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I think part of my compartmentalising everything is how easy it is for me to slip between ideas like "my relationship with my brother" meaning very little to me and me just being a regular normal person and then when it's kinda a big crushing weight.
like honestly even most of the time "incest" is basically a meaningless word, like when you say snorkel too many times. it's sorta just watever. even for me and not just my host. like I go between caring so much and "normal" in a weird way.
maybe I'm not explaining myself well or i don't understand what i mean myself. it makes sense because I'm just in someone's head (allegedly) but it feels like the switch between me (julie) and me (someone else) is so incredibly stark than me being left behind and abandoned (metaphorically speaking) and forgotten seems almost inevitable once I (someone) "grow out of" all of this and just suddenly choose to stop caring again. like I'm being put back in the toybox and not even kept around for my occasionally salient point about patriarchy.
#I really don't think this makes sense but that's alright i think#It feels so much like this is all just pretend even though it's stuff that's been haunting her forever#and I don't want her to make me stop existing#''getting over it'' isn't even the right word because my feelings are way more complicated than that#but i don't want us all to just lose everything and repress it all again#and this blog is so much of my ability to exist. without it it'd just be my writing and occasionally me using our diary#maybe that's what freaked me out so much earlier today#not even someone else (me) seeing the blog. just that I (we) could so suddenly shift into ''not feeling it''#and wanting to just do something else#sorry this is all brain stuff but thank u for listening if u are#it's funny to call myself some girls siscon headmate but I'm her and this is how she feels. she's the one with the sister issues and stuff#I'm just a manifestation of that or whatever#ugh show me a permanent state of being mum 🙄#whatever lol I'm gonna do something idk what. read manga probably#I'll get back to sisterly bliss later#i was enjoying it a lot
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I LOVE ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS BTW. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR HATE FOR THEM ON MY POST
#textboxes#deltarune#susie deltarune#lancer deltarune#kris dreemurr#ralsei#my art#long post#hi welcome to my secret notes about this textbox adventure!#my developer's commemtary if you will.#i originally drew susiezilla in her light world color palette. but i changed it afterwards because i realized she likes herself better in#the dark world than in the light world. if she were to draw an idealized version of herself it'd be based on her dark world form.#if you pay attention to kris' drawing you'll see that they tried to give it big angel wings. but it's kind of hard to do that when you can'#control yourself.#i named Urisk that to complete the . uhm. quadfecta?#Frisk Urisk Chara Kris. or FUCK for short.#i was going to give urisk angel features because they're so Good. but i realized ralsei probably considers devils to be good rather than#angels. since he exists to banish the angel's heaven and all the heroes have strong devil motifs surrounding them.#i still gave them a halo though bc i still wanted them to seem Good.#i feel like the pacing on this one could have used some improvement#but overall i'm just happy i got it done! i'm very proud of it :]#that's the thing about these textboxes. it's really hard to go back and change previous textboxes#you've just gotta keep on chuggin forward until you reach the end! no looking back!#anyway i hope you enjoyed this one! :3#oh also. i put kris on the opposite side of everyone else to symbolize their isolation from everyone else bc of the soul#okay actually i have more to say. so susie's drawing looks like something hou could actually draw on a paper#meanwhile ralsei's was based on the drawing on his unused manual. which has pure black outlines and perfectly filled colors like it was mad#in ms paint. also i was originally going to include noelle and berdly in this too#berdly's OC was going go be Super Lord Berdly; Mayor of Smartopia#and noelle's OC was going to be really beautiful but really tragic
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was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fаndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.
to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:
kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kabru#kabru already added laios as a discord friend. everyone else in the server can see laios excitedly asking kabru to go with him#what would You even Do in this situation. how would YOU feel?#basically: kabru isnt a laios-hater! hes just in shock bc Thats His Trauma. the key part is kabru still says yes#bc he wants to get to know laios. to understand why laios would be so fascinated by something horrific to him#and ALSO bc even while in shock kabru can still tell laios has unique expertise + knowledge that Could be used for Good#even if kabru doesnt fully trust laios yet (bc kabru just started talking to the guy 2 hours ago. they barely know each other)#kabru also understands that getting to know ppl (esp laios) means having to get to know their passions. even if it triggers his trauma here#but thats too much to fit in this metaphor/analogy. this is NOT an AU! its not supposed to cover everything abt kabru or laios' character!#its a self-contained metaphor written Specifically to be more easily relatable+thus easy to understand for general ppl online#(ie. assumed discord users. hence why i said (a non-specific) 'discord server' and not something specific like 'car repair subreddit')#its for ppl who mightve not fully grasped kabru's character+intentions and think hes being mean/'chaotic'/murderous.#to place ppl in kabru's shoes in an emotionally similar situation thats more possible/grounded in irl experiences and contexts.#and also for the movie punchline#mynn.txt#dm text#crossposting my tweets onto here since my friends suggested so
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Leo learns something about himself 🏳️⚧️
Based roughly on this old post.
Bonus:
[Leo is taking the fact that he was born biologically female simultaneously very well and also not so well but overall he’s mostly coping with the fact that it was Draxum that just essentially gave him the turtle equivalent of ‘The Talk’.]
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#trans leonardo#trans leo#rottmnt headcanons#turtle art tag#rise draxum#happy pride everyone~#if you’re wondering why there’s no backgrounds that’s because my files got messed up so just blankness in the bg sorry#but yeah!#this is forever and always my fav headcanon for Leo it makes too much sense to me#I wanted to make sure I got it done in time for pride haha#I don’t know if it’s obvious by the end but Draxum ran off because he was for once doing something nice for Leo#that being leading him somewhere else not in front of everyone so Leo can process the fact that he was born female in peace haha#(but he also just - wanted to avoid the ensuing awkward Talk as long as he could lol)#“how would Leo NOT know’’ he had an inkling but never thought much of it because he’s a teenage turtle mutant with no access to healthcare#also yeah that’s splinter’s hand at the end there I just KNOW he’d want those pics#also also - Leo here can technically be trans or even intersex in some way too#both is good#making this made me remember why I never do color#at least for comics#it just takes sooo long#but it was fun and worth it for my fave hc#this is like the first time I’ve drawn Draxum and man he’s kinda hard to draw#also their sizes are just 1 2 and 3 because Draxum had a simple system in place for sizing his subjects#(aka I was too lazy to think of anything else to put there)#also dunno if anyone noticed but look at Raph’s paper and look at his baby’s self’s photo
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the moral of the story is not to waste time angsting when you could be drawing Kamui instead
extra shitty art goooooo
#art#ride kamens#the real punchline of course is that he would not want anyone else drawing him#no one else could possibly do him justice (ride)#as evidenced by (gestures to post)#anyway i just needed to draw something stupid with an anime character yelling at me i guess#get that out of my system#you may resume your regular business
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lucanis is a 'I could sit in our quiet kitchen on a grey tuesday afternoon drinking coffee and talking with you about nothing much in particular forever and be the happiest man who ever lived' romantic, not a 'classic tropes and grand gestures' romantic. this is a distinction and conceptual gap I personally feel is crucial to understanding what's going on with him when romanced. for all his almost painful sincerity and clear depth of feeling he's not a very effusive guy by nature, but in the history of time no one has ever, with their whole soul, chest and being, been so genuinely and openly happy to just do laundry and taxes with you.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#lucanis dellamorte#rookanis#rook x lucanis#his enchanting bordering on comical low-keyness in all his dealings and quiet but unflinching devotion is the point!#that is where the joy is stored. To Me. the mutual 'your company could make hell paradise to me' level of just...#*liking* between him and rook gets to me. they're best friends who enjoy doing everything together and also in love.#diversity win two demisexuals living the dream out there and incidentally also sometimes killing dragons together <3#it's less about the butterflies in my stomach excited love more about the calm safe home/best friend kind of love. if you see what I mean#less dramatic and narratively explosive more realistic and soothing and exactly my shit haha#also I think he's autistic and leaning on romance tropes is more like scripting for him (not inauthentic in terms of the feelings#just some 'well as I understand these are the steps to *express* these feelings' not quite spontaneity going on)#but that is very much a personal headcanon and fully vibes-based and no one has to agree with me on it haha#if/when he proposes to rye I don't think he plans it all out or anything he'd just gaze at him in some very mundane everyday situation#and suddenly go '...hey do you want to get married' like he's noting that they're low on onions or something#because he's so utterly enchanted with rook's existence and being anything else seems kind of irrelevant right then#(rye knows him very well and is not particularly taken aback by this. if anything he'd been fretting#over popping the much bigger question of whether lucanis wants to get buried side by side with him lol#(reader... he said yes. and they were gravemates. (oh my god they were gravmates)))
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youtube
The animatic is done!! 💕
#look outside#look outside game#look outside spoilers#art#digital art#fanart#animation#animatic#IM SO HAPPY WITH THIS#especially the ending bits... I drew some of them up to 3 times just to make SURE I got them right#Which my lazy ass almost never bothers with#THE BITS WITH SAM UNSPOOLING ARE MY PRIDE AND JOY#I wanted to make the part where they talk to the Visitor a bit worse actually#Their body being barely held together by this creature who only vaguely understands what a human being is even supposed to look like....#and if they move to fast their body literally lags and uncoils..#I wanted to have them sharply move their head and have them look distressed when their eyes lagged a behind#but oughgh I couldnt get it to look right and I was already dying from how long I spent on it so just pretend that happened and imagine it#Other notes ermmmm. I think I got the order that the astronomers joined a little mixed up. Sorry Beryl and Aurelius.#Also while drawing the DnD scene I imagined Lyle and Masked Thing holding hands now I feel like theres something there but idk what it is#Anyway do with that what you will#Also I remembered that half the reason I gave Sam a cleft pallet was cause I wanted them to keep a recognizable feature when they mutated#so on the last frame one of the breathing holes has a notch in it bcs thats the breathing hole that used to be Sams mouth :3#Idk if thats like. wholesome to anyone else but I like it. Its some remnant left of their humanity that they'll always have#Youtube#eyestrain
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getting real fed up with my peers treating teenagers like shit. how did you forget so fucking quickly what it's like to be them. shame on you.
#this is about people my age getting into internet discourse with teenagers#and calling them stupid and overall belittling them and being a jerk to them#like. literally just block them if they are being a shithead#teenagers are shitheads sometimes#youre not going to change them#they need to grow up on their own#and an adult making fun of them isnt going to help#in fact it is going to hinder the process#if you want to try to help you need to be kind#if theyre not receptive to that and are still being an asshole then it is not worth it#and you need to go do something else with your time#you are a fucking adult
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hey silt verses? I just want to talk
#the silt verses#I'm soooooo!!!!! I'm sooo!!!!!#you can't do this to me silt verses!!!!!! I'm soooo!!!!!#val voice: you didnt want to be this I'm sure that#something something what did you want to be? a ballerina. a milkman.#the promised bride. become something else the trawlerman told her. she was just a girl. just a human with no where to go#all these characters stripped down of all titles and pretenses and forms and shapes. that's all they are. human#sorry i had to make another post about this because i was just talking about this on twitter yesterday#wouldn't it be truly fucking awful if it was just people out here and nothing else
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alternate apocalypse ending or something who the hcrist knows anymore
#mcu#xmen movies#xmen#xmen apocalypse#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#almost posted this to the wrong blog omg i wouldve thrown up#this dumb as hell forgive me chat#unrelated i thought today was sunday but no it's. 4AM saturday THAT MEANS ITS CHERIK POSTING TIME#i thought of binning this like five times but ive convinced myself i like enough of this to keep it#at the very least im making myself chortle at the mini charles in the corner. like yeah that about summarizes it donnit#anyway the reason why we're here. highkey just wanted charles to grab his waist SORRY#and this was the first thing i thought of so. Apocalypse But Erik Directs The Ending jvlkeajl#my god i was gonna say something else but. i forgot#oh wait no i remember hold on. uhhh something something charles shouldve fought harder or whatever erik said in dofp#dofp IS before apocalypse i know this but it applicable. probably. im not gonna think bout it on whats essentially a shitpost#ok im sleeping now bye. ive got more doodles i wanna do but my god im sleepy. or at least i should sleep
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Okay but do you know what really gets me?
There's no one left in-universe who can or will talk about Jaybin as he really was.
Bruce is the founder of the Jaybin Slander Department;
Alfred is no better.
Dick wasn't around much, didn't know him that well.
If Barbara ever interacted with him in his original run, I haven't found it yet.
I mean, he had some interactions with the Teen Titans, but was he really close with any of them?
I suppose Gordon could, assuming he isn't in on the Jason-bashing. I haven't seen it but I could be missing something.
And, well, Jason... somehow, I don't think anyone's asking Jason what he was like as a kid, nor is he really a reliable source. Autobiographical memory is weird.
No one in-universe will ever really talk about this bright, friendly, eager kid, and it's a tragedy.
He was smart and clever and had so much compassion.
He wanted so badly to help people, and he found joy in his work as Robin.
He had a dramatic flair and he was kind of a nerd and he was really funny on occasion.
He was so deeply, fundamentally good, and the fact that somehow his legacy has been twisted into one of anger and recklessness is honestly a crime.
It makes me so desperately sad that there's not a single character who can even start to undo the lasting damage of a four-decade smear campaign against a kid who did nothing to deserve it.
#warrior's thoughts#jason todd#bruce wayne#jaybin#jaybin readthrough#comics#it's all jim starlin's fault btw#the way he writes jason does not align with any of jason's other appearances in contemporary books#every time dc writes something about jason being angry or reckless as a child an angel loses their wings#he has his moments of anger but it's not like he's not justified in those#also he's 12-15; i feel like some anger is normal at that age#and a lot of his seemingly reckless moments were actually calculated; he just didn't lay out the plan for bruce before doing it#jim starlin is the only writer who writes jason the way he does. everyone else seemed to understand that this was a good kid#it's really jarring to go from batman 413 to batman 415 (jay doesn't appear in 414) because of the stark difference in how jay is written#genuine question for mr starlin if you didn't like the character of robin why did you agree to write batman?#i can't be too upset; i really like red hood and it's only because jim starlin hated jason that we got utrh in the first place#but the character assassination of jaybin is just depressing#(btw if you want me to figure out image sources lmk i did not keep track lol)#also i should note that it is implied that dick and jason were actually pretty close#we just don't get to see much of it#so all we have are those implications. same with babs actually - she never appears in the jaybin era#but later comics (and her presence at his funeral) suggest they knew each other
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relax bro no one's taking him from you [id in alt]
lineart below cut
#zukka#zukka fanart#sokka#zuko#zuko fanart#sokka fanart#atla#avatar the last airbender#myart#i imagine this isn't when they're together they just fall asleep like this all the time and everyone else is like 🤨🤨 u sure abt that#i held the wip for a while cause i wanted to do something painterly and different and then just felt like lineart today so. /shrug emoji#i wanna draw more zukka fluff...but all my comic ideas are usually angsty...i will have to think#also finally remembered to take a timelapse
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have you been keeping up with gozyuger? it's just... truly wild to watch
OKAY I'm finally caught up! and...wild is an understatement, huh! getting some real Donbros energy off of this one (in the best of ways though really) (just all kinds of super weird and super fun! 💍) (...also the blue ranger might have murdered a child?) (I mean probably not) (they wouldn't. but.) (what if)
I'm especially fond of Bouquet and Fire Candle, just because they encapsulate the two modes of my brain at any given moment
#art#super sentai#gozyuger#gif warning#gifs that will AVENGE CASSIUS FOR HE WAS THE BEST OF US warning#i was unsure at first based on a lot of the promo stuff but thankfully the show just immediately started throwing sausages around#now we're six episodes in and i'm already like...what can i even say about this. how do you expand upon such (mwah) chef's kiss#i don't know why 'supernaturally youthful-looking elderly man goes incognito as a high school student' is the hot new trope#but oh boy am i glad it is!#he hasn't even had a proper focus episode since his intro and i'm already pushing everyone else out of the way to get at him#(jk jk the others are also great) (hoeru is no. 1 in not knowing what the FUCK is going on at any given point and that's his true power)#god i love sentai#someone at toei said 'okay so our theme this year is rings'#'how do we want to interpret this'#so of course they decided on ALL OF THE POSSIBLE WAYS#we got jewelry! wrestling! random circles everywhere! EXTENSIVE wedding theming for the absolute heck of it!#also inexplicably street fighter WHY NOT#someday i hope to find something i can commit to with even a fraction of the strength as sentai commits to its bits
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Because I have just seen this specific thing for the second time, I would like to say:
If I reblog your art, I do not expect you to reblog (or share!) my fic in return
If I comment on your fic, I do not expect you to comment on (or read!) mine in return
My enjoyment of anyone's work does not come with strings or expectations
My friendship is not a bill that you will have to pay later
That's it!
#the fucking obsession with fandom becoming ~content creation~ has got to stop. this is not a business.#i don't like it when someone acts like i owe them because they complimented my work#and i will never do that to someone else#kindness has to be freely given or it isn't kindness; it's manipulation#this just. makes me feel super gross and it upsets me that it's happened twice#and that both people explicitly stated in their profiles that this is an expectation they have of fandom#you can't form a community by force. that's not how it works.#anyways. rant over. i just want it to be known that i'm not expecting anything from anyone lol#if i talk to you or hang out it's because i want to. i don't want anything from you except you know#kindness and companionship or w/e#bleargh. gonna go play a game or something.#dixeram
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small world
#wanted to do a sort of inverse to small world's original vibe. i want to showcase just how little silver's world has been till now#silver didn't visit the castle. he didn't go to primary school. he lived in the middle of nowhere. i dont think he went out into BV much#so his entire world prior to NRC was roughly 8 people. only diasom and sebek's family. homeschooled KING it makes me emotional#NRC mustve been such a culture shock. so many people from so many places and so much new to experience!!! i love him!!!#i wanted to do like a companion piece of a flat plane and buildings from all over TW to show the rest of the world but not enough energy#these geometric buildings are ANNOYING theyre satisfying as finished sets but i am NOT drawing more of them#i send you all nothing but love. silver sweep. ive been very lucky to experience such kindness in my 2.5 yrs here i cant wait to draw more#rumbling like a car. id like to draw his lab vignette again. its my fav story. i want to draw a beyootiful tapestry-style piece. i . sighs#twst is so ripe for artistic experimentation ive never been so inspired by a piece of media. i want to draw everything for my boy#twst#twst silver#twstファンアート#silver vanrouge#suntails#also something w intentional complimentary colors. shocking ik but i dont think ive done one of those for twst itd be tasty#i have an idea for one w him containing his dream world a lil abstractly. SIGHS. im a silver girlie first and Anything else second#im at the point where i cant see myself drawing twst pieces without him in it. its been almost a year since a non-silver piece#AND I FORGOT I HAVE TO DRAW AT LEAST ONE BDAY PIECE!!! i already have a comp idea for one. shaking like a LEAF
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look at this idiot not aware that his body is warm and his touch comforting everyone point and laugh
#homestuck#hom3stuck#home24uck#home2t4ck#dirk strider#jake english#dirkjake#admin draws#fanart#i got sick of looking for a ref so i doodled this real quick yesterday#ive been in a 'need hug' mood especially after the exam and sleeplessness preceding it#and thinking stuff#so what better way to process all of this than you guessed it. shoving it onto dirk#short tags this time cos im doing something else but i have lots of things i want to make.... its a shame im not feeling it again#if someone wants to give me excuses to talk about them the ask box is open for more than just rqs
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