#ang hirap ha

[hejee]

this artblock is kicking my ass real hard and i have so many wips i wanna finish too 😔

[stellar-headquarters]

so uh, how is my lovelife going? it's not going. i think we are better off as friends, but a part of me wishes we could've gotten somewhere. idk if i'd write a fic on this but uh, elaborations under the cut

basically:

we're going out and it's cute and all. of course i wanna know more about him, so i ask about his family, and he says that he hasn't told them about me

and that's fine, we're not in an explicit bf/gf relationship. but then i learn that i wouldn't be someone his family would approve of because of my ethnicity

and i also have a gut feeling that he wouldn't choose me over his family if it came to that. i also don't want him to have to choose tbh, that's not something anyone would deserve

but ngl that really KILLED my feelings for him. how can i continue to go on dates when in the back of my mind, i know he can't tell his parents. that if we WERE to go out more, he'd have to lie to them.

i mean hanging out as friends, sure, that's fine! we can sneak around idc but as something more... it feels horrible in some way. and that fact alone made my parents wary of being in a relationship with him

tbh losing my feelings isn't heartbreaking. he's still a good friend to have but, god, idk when i'll get this chance again. why do my relationships always end up as "almosts" it's kinda annoying. i just want someone who'll be on the same page as me and they are SO hard to find.

fuck this i'll just keep asking my friends to just set me up with their friends or something. sighhhhhhhhhh

[luvst4rc0r3]

OMG I LOVE UR FANFICS!!

PLZ WRITE MORE SERIES!!

Can you write (if you want) a jinx x f!reader were reader’s first language is not English but another language. And she has a son whose first language is English and he always complains about taking classes. So jinx pulls them out of classes and that makes reader very mad. (basically Gloria from modern family)

It can be any language just ofc not English

TYY IF YOU DO IT

OMG I LOVE THIS REQUEST!!!

I did it in my native language. English is my first but Tagalog (Filipino)is kinda my second asides from Spanish. I can kinda of speak Tagalog just not fluently.

“Lost in translation”

Jinx x F!Reader

WC: 1427

NOTE: established relationship. I did have to use google translate for some words so it might not be grammatically correct.

THIS ALSO MIGHT BE MY LAST FANFIC FOR A COUPLE DAYS BC I HAVE MIDTERMS

“Jinx, what the hell were you thinking?”

You stood in the center of the small apartment, your arms crossed tightly over your chest. Jinx leaned against the counter, her casual stance a stark contrast to the storm brewing inside you.

“I was thinking the kid hates it,” she shot back with a shrug, twirling a wrench in her hand. “Why make him sit through something that makes him miserable?”

Your heart clenched. “He needs to learn it. He needs to—” You hesitated, stumbling over your words as your thoughts tripped over each other, fighting to come out in English. “It’s important for him to know… to understand—”

Jinx rolled her eyes, her tone dismissive. “He’s a kid. He doesn’t need a million things crammed into his head. He’s fine just the way he is.”

“Fine?” you echoed, your voice trembling. “Jinx, it’s not just about school. It’s about him knowing who he is. Who I am. You think it’s easy for me, being stuck in the middle of two languages all the time?”

She frowned, her smirk faltering for the first time. “I didn’t say it was easy—”

“You didn’t even ask me!” you interrupted, the words spilling out before you could stop them. “You just pulled him out without even thinking about what it means!”

Jinx tilted her head, her electric blue eyes narrowing. “He’s my kid too, y’know. I’m not trying to hurt anyone. I just didn’t think it was a big deal.”

Her words hit you like a slap, and suddenly, the English words you’d been clutching at fell away, leaving nothing but raw emotion. Your chest heaved, and before you knew it, tears blurred your vision.

Jinx’s face shifted, the confidence draining from her expression. “Hey, whoa, babe, don’t cry—”

But you couldn’t stop. The frustration and exhaustion, the endless translating in your head, the constant feeling of being misunderstood—it all came pouring out in a language she didn’t understand.

“Ang hirap na hirap na ako, Jinx. Hindi mo naiintindihan. Hindi mo alam kung gaano kasakit na hindi ko masabi nang maayos ang nararamdaman ko.” (I'm in such a difficult situation, Jinx. You don't understand. You don't know how much it hurts that I can't express my feelings properly.)

You covered your face with your hands, your body shaking with sobs. “I just want him to know me,” you managed to choke out, your voice breaking. “I want him to understand me without me having to fight for every word.”

Jinx froze, the wrench clattering to the floor. She stepped closer, unsure and unsteady, like she was walking on glass.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, her voice low and raw with something you didn’t hear from her often—guilt.

You didn’t respond, your tears falling harder. Jinx reached out, her gloved hand hesitating before resting on your knee.

“I thought I was making things better for him. I didn’t think about how it would hurt you.”

You sniffled, shaking your head but still unable to look at her. “It does not just hurt, Jinx,” you whispered, the words coming out shakily. “It’s… I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting with my own head, trying to make everything make sense in English just so I can talk to you, or him, or anyone.”

Jinx’s hand tightened slightly, grounding you, as if to say she was listening.

“I just… I feel like I don’t belong anywhere,” you continued, your voice cracking. “Not here. Not at home. And now, our son… he doesn’t even want to learn the one thing that connects him to where I come from. To me. And you just let him quit. You made the decision like it didn’t matter.”

Your words hung in the air, heavy and raw. Jinx’s usual chaotic energy had vanished; she looked like someone had ripped the ground out from under her.

“I didn’t know,” she said after a moment, her voice soft but steady. “Of course you didn’t. You never think of anyone except yourself” with that you slammed the door to your shared room with her.

—

You stood in the doorway, your bag slung over your shoulder. Your hands shook as you clutched the strap, the heaviness in your chest unbearable. Jinx stood across the room, her wild hair and mismatched clothes somehow looking smaller, like she didn’t know what to do with herself

“Wait,” she said, her voice softer than you’d ever heard it. “You’re leaving?”

You nodded, your throat tightening as tears threatened to spill again. “I just… I need space, Jinx. I need time to think.”

Her brows furrowed, her lips parting like she wanted to argue, but no words came. For once, Jinx didn’t fight. She just stood there, the chaos in her usually vibrant eyes dimmed by something deeper.

“I love you,” you said, your voice breaking, “but I can’t keep doing this if you don’t try to understand. It’s too much.”

The silence in the room was deafening, and when you finally stepped out and closed the door behind you, it felt like your heart was breaking in two.

The days passed slowly. You stayed at a friend’s place, letting the quiet moments give you the space to breathe. But no matter how hard you tried, thoughts of Jinx and your son kept creeping in. The weight of the fight lingered in your chest, heavy and unresolved.

You told yourself you just needed a little more time. That maybe Jinx would realize how important this was—not just to you, but to your family.

And then, three days after you left, you came home.

The apartment was quiet when you walked in, and for a moment, you wondered if she was even there. But then you heard it.

“Kamusta.”(Hello)

You froze, your bag slipping from your shoulder as you turned toward the sound. Jinx stood in the middle of the living room, her hands fidgeting nervously with the hem of her shirt.

“What?” you asked, your heart pounding.

She cleared her throat, her cheeks flushed with a mix of embarrassment and determination. “Kamusta,” she said again, the word clumsy but recognizable. “That means… uh, hello? Right?”

You blinked, stunned. “Y-yeah.”

Her lips twitched into a small, nervous smile. “I’ve been trying,” she said, stumbling over the words. “I… I looked up some stuff. It’s… hard, but I wanna learn. I wanna…”

She trailed off, her electric blue eyes meeting yours with a rare vulnerability. “Ayaw ko… um…” She fumbled for a moment, clearly struggling to remember the phrase. “Ayaw kong… mag-translate ka… araw-araw.” (I don’t…I don’t want you to have to translate everyday)

Your heart clenched at the effort in her voice, the way she fought through every syllable. “I don’t… I don’t want you to have to translate every day. I love you,” she added in English, her voice shaking slightly.

Tears welled in your eyes as you took a step closer. “Jinx…” you smile widely, “now you’re the one who looks like an idiot!”

She chuckles softly but soon returns to her straight face. “I’m serious, okay? I… I’m not good at this, but I’m gonna try. I’ll keep learning. And he’s gonna learn, too. I already talked to him. Told him he’s sticking with it. I don’t care how much he complains—I’ll sit with him if I have to. We’ll both learn.”

You couldn’t stop the tears now, your hand flying to your mouth as you let out a shaky breath.

“I didn’t get it before,” she continued, her voice soft but steady. “But I do now. I don’t want you to feel like you’re doing this alone. Or like we don’t see you—really see you. You shouldn’t have to fight for that.”

She hesitated, then stepped closer, her hands reaching for yours. “I’ll learn Tagalog for you. For us. Because I love you. And I don’t wanna lose you.”

A sob broke free from your chest as you wrapped your arms around her, pulling her close. Her arms tightening around you, and for the first time in days, you felt like you could finally breathe again.

“Salamat,” you whispered through your tears. (Thank you)

Jinx chuckled softly, pressing a kiss to your hair. “Walang anuman. That’s how you say ‘you’re welcome,�� right?”

You laughed, your heart aching in the best way. “Yeah. That’s right.”

Her grin widened, a little of her usual spark returning. “Told ya. I’m a fast learner.”

And in that moment, as the weight in your chest began to lift, you believed her. Together, you’d figure it out.

for once, her chaos felt like home.

TYY whoever requested that!! That was such and interesting requests to write!!

I want food

[jopetkasi]

the new guy was introduced to the family last Sunday.

it went smoothly naman although my family does not believe that we are nothing but friends.

"friends? artista ka?" as I was teased by my brother.

and as usual, my deranged family started to quiz me.

"in fairness sa lahat ng pinakilala mo, guapo to ha" said the sister in law.

"kayo na? nag sex na kayo?" asked the inquisitive tita from hell, Auntie Tessie who we all know gets fucked by her driver.

"saan family association nila sa Binondo? baka relative pa naten yan" asked my dad...

"kelan ang birthday nya? napa kua-dit mo na? baka malas yan di align sa birth sign mo" - mom

"sure ka di mo binayaran yan para maging date mo tonight?" assumes my cousin, mark.

and the cherry on top....

"nag dog style na kayo no? kaya ka hirap maglakad no" jokingly claims by my judgmental brother, the kuya who wants us to call him "judge" kasi judge na sya ng court.

my weird family, peeps.

[poleeeng]

(kung sasabihan nyo akong maarte, please scroll ka na hehe 😉)

di ko pala talaga totoong tanggap na nagbago na yung katawan ko bilang nanay na ako ngayon. akala ko naaccept ko na na part talaga ng post partum ang pag bigat or paglaki ng size compared to what you are noonh before pregnancy. hindi ko pala tanggap, lalo na ngayon na palaki ako nang palaki habang tumatagal. mas payat pa ako nung after manganak e kaysa ngayon na ilang months na after.

because of what im seeing, i am starting to hate my own body.

NO, don’t ever tell me to work out, to exercise, to lessen food intake or what. just don’t. you will never know how tiring every single day is for me as a working mom na on a graveyard shift pa. demanding pa ng work na kailangan araw araw OT nang 2-4hrs a day, so I work forom 7pm to 10/11am. after non, i have to check on my baby. I only sleep 1-2hrs a day. THAT IS CONSTANT. on weekends? I sleep but i cannot sleep na tuloy tuloy kasi pagising gising ang baby. i can sleep on a saturday morning after work? NO. i have to attend to my baby’s needs, i only rest weekend nights.

in short, i never have the luxury of time to rest and much more to take care of myself and exercise. ang hirap na hindi mo magawang alagaan sarili mo after magkababy. Scam yung mga nakikita sa vlogs bg mga celebs, like Kryz Uy who has all the means and luxury to take a break to gather herself. Mayayaman lang talaga may karapatan maalagaan ang sarili nang walang aberya

[bianczsx]

hirap pag sabay sabay need mag stock ng sunscreen, primer, powder at concealer. Huhu HAHAHAHAHA! kasi sabay sabay pa sila naubos. Hahahaha! Grabe, yung naka 3K ako para lang diyan. ang aksaya ko sa Sunscreen i swear.

Ge, aga aga lunes na lunes ganito problema ko ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ayoko na

[aijz]

HAPPY 4TH MONTHSARY, BABY.

hi, baby. happy 4th monthsary po! haha, i’m only posting this now kasi i thought you might’ve forgotten about our monthsary. 😄 i swear, i was really waiting for you last night, hoping that you’d greet me exactly at 12 o'clock. i was honestly so excited and looking forward to it, but it’s okay. i understand, and i’m just happy to still be here with you, kahit minsan hindi pareho ang timing natin. i can’t believe 4 months na pala tayo. feels like just yesterday when we were still getting to know each other, figuring things out, and just starting to build something amazing together. i never imagined we’d be here, but here we are—stronger than ever, kahit may mga ups and downs along the way. and honestly, i don’t mind all the challenges because they’ve only made us stronger. tama? hahaha.

you know, the way i feel about you has only gotten deeper with time. every single day with you just adds to how much i appreciate you. kahit on the days na parang ang hirap, i wouldn’t want to go through this with anyone else. you’re the only one i want to share my time with, my thoughts with, and my heart with. you’re my rest, my peace, my favorite person. you make me feel safe, loved, and understood in ways no one else can. it’s like every moment with you feels like home. nandiyan ka palagi para sa akin, and it means the world. thank you for everything—from your patience, your love, your understanding, even on days when things seem tough. i don’t take it for granted. alam mo ba, just knowing that you’re there makes everything better? there’s no amount of words that can truly express how grateful i am for you, but i’ll try to show you every day how much you mean to me.

i know i’m not always perfect, and there are times when i mess up or when i don’t show you the love you deserve, but i promise, it’s never because i don’t care. i care so much about you. i care about you more than i can even put into words. you’re worth every effort, every sacrifice, every little thing. and i’m just really glad that you’re here, with me, sharing this journey. siguro kung tatanungin man ako kung anong months yung mahirap lagpasan? sasabihin kong yung 3 months talaga hahaha. 😆 you already know why. buti nakayanan natin, kahit na pmahirap. but, enough about that. yk i’m proud of what we’ve built, and i’m excited for what’s ahead sa atin. 4 months may seem like a short time to some, but for me, it feels like a lifetime of memories. and with every passing day, i know we’re building something even stronger, something that’s going to last. you’ve made my life better, and i promise to do everything i can to make yours just as amazing. so, happy 4th monthsary again, baby. let’s keep doing this, together. i love you more than words can express, and i’m looking forward to the many more months (and hopefully years) with you. you’ll always have me, and i’ll always have you. i wouldn’t want it any other way. sana ako pa rin. celebrate natin na magkasama yung christmas, ah? or kahit anong holidays pa ’yan.

[papersparrows]

just some musings:

feeling really sad & questioning myself

i think i just reached the age where i start growing apart with ppl that i thought i'll keep in my life for a long time.

ang alam ko lang talaga, i'm out here minding my own business and trying to survive. trying to do the best i can do. i never even speak ill of anybody kahit pa they are people na kinainisan ko or even people who wronged me. then ppl start revealing who they are habang unaware ako. speaking about me and on my behalf, all behind my back habang ako clueless sa nangyayari. worst, closest friends and family ko pa.

ganon ba talaga? canon event ba to? haha. di ko alam. ang hirap niyang iprocess sobra. siguro kasi before mas bawas pa talaga friends ko and mga ganap ko sa buhay. pero siguro andito ako sa stage na maraming nangyayari, marami akong pinagkakaabalahan. nagugulat na lang talaga ako sa mga nalalaman ko and di ko na alam kung pano ako magrereact. do i do anything about it? who has the time and energy for that? or is that just the course of life and tanggapin ko na lang?

im questioning myself a lot kasi within the past few months, 3rd time na to. una, sa family ako nag detach. i disowned my own siblings na. umabot na kasi sa point na binugbog ako at binabastos na ng sarili kong kapatid habang yung isa naman dinefend siya. after everything i have given them and sacrificed for them. pangalawa, yung isa kong best friend na nangibang kumpanya na only to start shit doon and pry on other people's business tapos sakin isasabit yung issue pag nahuli siya when wala naman akong kinalaman doon haha. i got my vindication from that. proven my innocence and showed all the receipts from my end. but syempre, idc too much about being right. i still feel betrayed. i can act like i don't care about sobrang basura na mga tao like her (and i shouldn't! grabe all the patience and help i have given her since last year) but in reality it really cut me deep. and lastly, galing naman sa childhood best friends ko. since birth na bffs ko. who have betrayed me so many times before and yet i forgave them and always showed up for them and treated them like they're my blood.

ang hirap di mag kwestyon ng sarili kasi syempre di lang isang beses nangyari to recently sa buhay ko. can't help but evaluate myself and my actions and my decisions and lahat lahat and find kung ano yung pagkakamali at pagkukulang ko. lalo na to get this kind of treatment. from the very people i trusted with my life. or am i just naive at ganito lang talaga takbo ng buhay?

im 26 now and im a working professional and i have better things to do w my time and i always treat people best as i could. actually, i treat people better than they usually deserve. and i know the sane and mature thing is to dedma the bullshit that's going on. and im trying. and im doing that and i'll keep doing that. but im also a person and i have feelings and it hurts a lot. especially when ppl speak about me or decide on my character as a person without even giving me the space to speak for myself. syempre if yun yung gusto nilang gawin, so be it.

iba yung sakit when the very same ppl you've loved, defended, helped, showed endless grace for, sacrificed things for, are the same exact people who would easily throw u under the bus.

ewan. ang hirap inavigate ng adult life. people will really walk all over u if they think they're allowed to.

[upismediacenter]

LITERARY: Takipsilim

Trigger warning: Karahasan, dugo

Dalawa lang kami ng nanay ko sa bahay. Wala na si Papa, tapos si Mama naman ay night shift sa trabaho; pumapasok siya ng gabi, alas-siyete, at umuuwi ng madaling araw, alas-tres. Ako naman ay nag-aaral sa ikaanim na grado, at pumapasok ako mula alas-sais ng umaga hanggang alas-dos ng tanghali.

Laging gumigising nang maaga si Mama upang asikasuhin ako. Hatid-sundo niya rin ako sa paaralan. Ramdam ko ang pagod at hirap niya, ngunit sa kabila noon, patuloy pa rin niya akong inaalagaan. Kaya love na love at mataas ang respeto ko kay Mama, eh! Kasi kahit na alam kong pagod at hirap siya sa trabaho lalo na’t mag-isa lang siyang nagpapalaki sakin, hindi niya nakalimutang iparamdam ang aruga at pagmamahal niya sa akin.

Isang araw, pagkauwi ko mula sa eskwelahan ay agad akong lumabas sa aming bakuran upang maglaro ng bola. Nakatira kami sa probinsya kung saan magkakalayo ang mga bahay, at sa likod ng aming bahay ay isang kakahuyan. Habang naglalaro, nang sipain ko ang bola ay lumampas ito sa bakod ng aming bakuran at napunta sa kagubatan. Medyo nag-aalangan akong pumunta doon dahil nakakatakot doon lalo kapag gabi na dahil madilim. Kalaunan ay napagdesisyunan kong pumunta dahil may araw pa naman.

Habang naglalakad, nagulat ako nang may sumulpot sa likod ng malaking puno na batang babae na nakasuot ng pulang shirt at puting shorts. Sa tantiya ko ay kasing edad ko lang siya. Nakangiti niyang iniabot sa akin ang bola.

“Salamat ha! Ano nga pala ang pangalan mo?” tanong ko.

“Ako nga pala si Tanya. Ikaw ba?” tanong niya pabalik.

“Samantha, pero Sam na lang. Saan ka pala nakatira? Diyan lang banda ang bahay namin,” sambit ko, sabay turo sa bahay namin. “Gusto mo pumasok? Ipapakilala kita kay Mama. Pwede tayong maglaro!” nagagalak kong sabi.

“Ay, hindi na. ‘Di rin kasi ako pinapayagan lumampas dito, eh. Medyo malayo pa kasi yung bahay namin. Gusto mo bang maglaro muna tayo dito sa kagubatan?” pag-aaya niya.

Sandali akong nagdalawang-isip at tumingin muna sa bahay, iniisip kung papayag kaya si Mama, ngunit kalaunan ay napagdesisyunan ko rin na sumama. Ang ganda pala sa kakahuyan! Napakarami kong nakitang mga puno at halaman. Ngayon ko lang napahalagahan ito dahil hindi ako masyadong nagpupunta rito.

Habang naglalakad kami, hindi ko maiwasang mamangha sa luntiang tanawin sa paligid. Ang dami palang alam ni Tanya tungkol sa iba’t ibang uri ng mga puno at halaman, at buong galak niyang ibinahagi sa akin ang mga kaalaman niya habang naglalakad kami. Pagkatapos noon ay tumakbo kami sa pagitan ng mga puno at naglaro ng tagu-taguan habang hinahabol ang isa’t isa. Tumakbo kami sa malalambot na damuhan; minsan ay napadausdos kami sa mga dahon na nakakalat sa lupa. May nakita kaming isang puno na may mababang sanga, kaya’t sinubukan naming akyatin ito para abutin ang maliliit na prutas na nakakabit dito. Ngunit agad akong nahulog dahil hindi naman ako marunong umakyat ng puno at unang beses ko itong sinubukan. Natawa naman si Tanya sa akin. 

Nadaanan namin ang isang maliit na tulay na yari sa kahoy habang papalapit kami sa ilog. Masaya kaming nagtawanan habang sinusubukan naming tumawid nang hindi nawawala sa balanse at hindi natutumba. Pagdating namin sa ilog, namangha ako sa ganda nito. Hindi ko alam na may ganito palang kalinaw at kalinis na tubig dito! Sa sobrang saya, agad akong tumalon sa ilog at agad nanginig sa lamig ng tubig. Humagikgik si Tanya, saka tumalon din, at sabay kaming naglaro habang nagtatalsikan ng tubig.

Habang naglalaro at naliligo, nagkwentuhan kami tungkol sa aming mga buhay.

“Malayo-layo pa ang bahay namin, pero ayoko doon eh. Madalas mag-isa lang ako,” kwento ni Tanya, habang unti-unting mababakas ang kalungkutan sa kaniyang mukha. “Pero masaya pala ‘pag may kasama. Sana lagi tayong magkalaro, ha!” Biglang sumaya ang kaniyang tono at lumiwanag ang mukha niya.

“Asan na pala ang mama at papa mo? Yung papa ko maagang nawala eh, bata pa lang ako. Kaya kami lang dalawa ni Mama sa bahay. Ikaw ba?” curious na tanong ko sa kaniya.

“Wala na eh. Tapos, nag-iisang anak lang ako.” Muli na namang bumalik ang malungkot na ekspresyon sa mukha niya.

Hindi na ako nagtanong pa dahil mukhang sensitibo ang paksa para sa kaniya. Naglaro na lang kami hanggang nagpasya na akong magpaalam at umuwi ng bahay dahil dumidilim na. Hanggang alas-singko lang kasi ako pinapayagang lumabas ni Mama. Pagkauwi ko, dali-dali akong naligo at nagpalit ng damit, at saka ay buong galak na ikinuwento sa aking ina ang nangyari.

“Maganda ‘yan, anak, at may nakakalaro ka na maliban sa mga nasa iskul,” masayang sabi niya. Malayo kasi ang eskwelahan ko sa bahay at wala rin akong mga kaklase na nakatira malapit sa amin. Wala rin ako masyadong mga kaedaran sa mga kapitbahay namin, kaya’t tanging sa eskwelahan lang ako nakakalaro kasama ang ibang mga bata.

“Pero hindi ba pwedeng sa bahay na lang kayo maglaro? Para mas ligtas at nakikita ko kayo?” tanong niya.

“Hindi pwede, Mama. Malayo pa raw ho kasi masyado yung bahay niya. Tapos hindi raw siya pinapayagan lumampas sa kagubatan. Tsaka, maganda naman po sa kagubatan! Unti-unti na akong natututo kung paano umakyat ng puno,” sagot ko nang natatawa.

Matapos ang ilang segundong katahimikan, nag-aalangang pumayag si Mama, ngunit may kondisyon. “Basta tandaan mo, anak, ha, ‘wag kang magpapagabi. Dapat nandito ka na bago ako umalis ng bahay papuntang trabaho. Pagkaalis ko, ‘wag kalimutang i-lock ang gate at isara ang mga bintana. Alam mo naman…”

Napailing naman ako dahil binabanggit niya na naman ang kwentong paulit-ulit niyang sinasabi.

“May dumudukot at pumapatay ng mga batang pagala-gala sa labas tuwing gabi. Kung kaya’t mag-iingat ka at huwag lalabas ng gabi. Naaalala mo ba ang mga sabi-sabing may pinatay daw dati dito?”

“Opo, Mama,” tugon ko, natatawa sa isipan dahil alam kong pananakot niya lang ito. ‘Sus, akala niya naman na maniniwala ako agad-agad dahil bata ako.

“Marami ring mga mumu. Malay mo, mumu nga o masamang espiritu yung pumapatay ng mga bata. ‘Yang mga ‘yan, lumalakas at lumalabas sila sa lungga nila tuwing gabi, mula alas-sais. Tandaan mo, hindi lang tayong mga tao ang naninirahan dito,” pananakot niya pa, at tumango-tango na lang ako bilang tugon.

Sa mga sumunod na araw, lagi kaming naglalaro ng bago kong kaibigan. May mga pagkakataon na naliligo rin kami sa ilog. Tuwang-tuwa ako dahil gumagaling na ako sa pag-akyat ng puno at kaya ko nang abutin ang mga prutas!

"Uy, bakit pulang shirt at puting shorts lagi mong suot? Favorite mo ba yan?" pang-aasar kong tanong sa kanya. Totoo, napapaisip talaga ako sa suot niyang iyon—parang kahit kailan kami maglaro, 'yun lang lagi ang kanyang damit.

“Kahit nababasa tayo sa ilog, yan pa rin lagi ang suot mo,” dagdag ko, natatawa.

Napahinto siya sandali at kamot-ulo lang na tumingin sa lupa. "Ah ano kasi eh… mahalaga kasi sa akin ‘tong damit na 'to," sagot niya, parang may iniisip na malalim. Ilang saglit pa, bigla niya akong hinila sa braso at napasigaw na lang, "Tara, habulan tayo!" Hindi ko na natanong pa ang tungkol sa kanyang suot at sinabayan ko na lang siya sa pagtakbo at nakipaglaro.

“Lagi tayong maglalalaro, ha? Dapat lagi tayong magkasama,” sambit sa akin ni Tanya. Nakangiti naman akong tumango sa kaniya at patuloy kaming naglaro.

Puno man ng kaligayahan, kahit kailan, hindi ko nakaligtaang umuwi ng bahay bago sumapit ang dilim. Hindi ko balak na suwayin ang aking ina.

Isang gabi, matapos kong maglaro, umuwi ng bahay, at i-lock ang pinto pagkatapos umalis ni Mama, may biglang kumatok sa pinto. Nagulat ako nang buksan ko ito, at bumungad si Tanya, nakangiti sa akin at may hawak na lampara.

“Umuwi na sina Mama at Papa! Tara, ipapakilala kita sa kanila. Punta tayo sa bahay namin,” sabi niya, sabay hila sa aking braso.

“Teka, teka. Hindi ako pwedeng lumabas nang gabi. Hindi ba pwedeng bukas ng umaga na lang, tutal Sabado naman bukas at walang pasok? Isasama ko rin si Mama,” pagtutol ko, sabay pagbawi sa braso ko.

“Aalis na sila sa umaga. Ngayon lang sila nandito. Sumama ka na, please, minsan lang naman,” pagpupumilit niya. Ayaw ko talaga, pero kalaunan ay pumayag na rin ako kasi mapilit talaga si Tanya. Gusto ko rin naman siyang pagbigyan kasi kaibigan ko siya, kaso may parte sa akin na  nagsisisi dahil sinuway ko si Mama.

“Minsan lang naman ito. For sure, maiintindihan naman ni Mama,” sabi ko sa aking sarili.

Agad kaming nagtungo sa kagubatan. Sobrang dilim, at tanging ang ilaw lang mula sa lampara ang nagbibigay-liwanag sa aming daanan.

“Malapit na ba?” tanong ko, dahil unti-unti na akong nababalot ng takot. Humarap siya sa akin nang hindi nawawala ang ngiti. “Oo, konting tiis na lang.”

Laking gulat ko nang pagdating namin doon, hukay ang nadatnan ko.

“Nasaan ang bahay ninyo? Akala ko ba ipapakilala mo ako sa nanay at tatay mo?”

“Ito na yung bahay namin. Ang lungkot, diba? Lagi lang akong mag-isa at walang kasama. Pwede mo ba akong samahan dito?”

Tumataas na ang balahibo ko at nanginginig ang aking katawan dulot ng pinaghalong lamig ng gabi at takot na nararamdaman. Nakita ko sa gilid nito ang punit-punit na pulang shirt at puting shorts na may bakas ng tuyong dugo. Ngayon, paunti-unting pumapasok sa aking isip at napagtatanto ang sagot sa tanong ko sa kaniya noon na hindi niya tuwirang sinagot at iniwasan lamang.

Lumingon ako sa likod at nakita kong wala na siya roon. Natatarantang lumingon ulit ako sa harap at nagulat nang makita siya roon, ngayon ay duguan at kahindik-hindik ang itsura. Kahit pa man ganoon, hindi nawawala ang ngiti sa kaniyang labi.

“Nangako tayong lagi tayong magkasama, ‘di ba, Sam? Samahan mo na ako rito magpakailanman!”

Nanginginig man ang aking tuhod, dali-dali akong tumakbo pauwi, ngunit bigla akong hinarang ng isang lalaking nakaitim na may dalang balisong. Ngunit may kakaiba sa kaniyang itsura, parang hindi siya tao—wala siyang mata at itim na hukay lamang ang makikita dito. Liban doon ay kulay itim ang kaniyang katawan na tila ba sumasanib sa anino ng gabi. 

“Anong ginagawa mo rito, bata? Dapat ay nasa bahay ka kapag ganito na ang gabi,” sabi niya, malamig at malalim ang boses na nagdadala ng takot sa damdamin. “Nasa teritoryo ka namin. At dahil diyan, hindi ka na makakaalis!”

Sinubukan kong tumakbo ngunit niyakap ako ni Tanya mula sa likod habang nararamdaman ko ang sakit ng tila punyal na tumusok sa aking tagiliran. Nalulunod na ako sa aking dugo, dahan-dahang dumilim ang aking paligid, at naririnig ko na lamang ang masayang tawa ni Tanya at ang mga bulong ng mama ko sa aking isip: “Hindi lang tayong mga tao ang nakatira dito.”

[cherrycorn]

0223025 | 🚨🚨🚨 What a birth day feels like to a diagnosed major depressive disorder since high school. |

I am writing this words around midnight of the most special day of my being. Yes, it is my birthday. I decided to jump into my laptop and write my feelings since I am no longer getting younger. I wanted this day to be something memorable that I will reminisce in the next few years of my life.

Aside from that, I am also waiting for people who would remember that today is the day. Hindi ako kung sino man for people to remember, but I am expecting my people who's close to my heart na sana maalala nila kase ngayon importante na tong araw na 'to para sakin.

Nasabi ko ito dahil, i never wanted to celebrate my birthday, eversince I was in 7th grade. I dont want big parties, I don't want them to remember that it is my birthday, na I would like them to forget me totally.

Pero ngayon, something has changed and gusto ko sana mayroong bumati sa araw na 'to— sana mayroong makaalala.

Baka merong magsabi na ang arte ko pa kase, well I understand but having mdd and having constant breakdown is hard, i couldn't predict or say that I am okay and happy for the sake of the celebration. Sobrang hirap niya as in.

And now I am finally 24 years old, 7 years had passed. I am slowly embracing the beauty of this day for me. Gusto ko na lumabas muli sa kahon na pinagtaguan ko for those long years. I wanted to get my courage and spark back. I wanted to be someone and not just somebody.

I'm wishing for all the graciousness, pain, love, care, strains, and every emotion on to the next chapter of my life—for me to be firm and much stronger.

with cherrycorn,

YASHA

[jiannaeloise]

Trusting Again

It's been a while since I wrote here in the fear of writing something that may come true like forshadowing event that I know eventually will happen.

How do I trust people who have hurt me? I ask myself questions: "Do they have to be worthy? Do they have to be deserving?" I feel that sometimes I need to see some sort of redeeming actions more than words. But sometimes I pray and hope they would just talk to me properly because I get even more hurt by them not talking to me. I don't know if that makes sense. Communication has always been something that I needed. Not that I need to know people's actions 24/7. I just need a heads up. I just need an update of some sort. A response that will assure me that the conversation has already ended. I really appreciate those kinds of things. It just makes me feel that I am not left hanging here looking lost like there's nowhere to go.

How long should I wait when a person says: "I need to step back for a while." Without a word of assurance at all what that "a while" will look like? I'd rather go for the time where I am sure where we had an agreement that we wouldn't talk for a month than the other who said "for a while" without telling me how long it would take...

I really don't know anymore. One thing I Iearned in this life recently is to always stick to the plan and see to it that I will do it no matter what. And right now the plan is to go absolutely cold turkey to the people who have hurt me especially to those who are not accountable.

I feel that sometimes my discernment is weak because I am so forgiving and so considerate. But honestly, there is also a side of me that is not. I cannot afford to be so forgiving and so considerate because I would do my self injustice. It means I still do not love myself enough to know what I am capable of and what I truly deserve which I know is the best.

I know there are still things that I need to achieve in this life that I need to prove but honestly what is there to prove when I am just being the best version of myself each and everyday? I think that's what's more important. To be the best version of myself for God and myself, no one else. Gosh, ang hirap. 😅

Lately, I have been finding meaning in Scriptures, songs, nostalgia, news, and other things that make me human. I found that I've been healing with the things that happened in the past quite well. Like reconnecting with a guy who rejected me a long time ago. He has a girlfriend now and I know my boundaries when it comes to that. But the way I assured him made me feel that it was exactly what he wanted to hear in the moment. I don't know why it felt that. Maybe it's what my soul and heart needed too.

On the other hand, I need to remember that people disrespecting me meant that they too also needed to heal. But it doesn't mean they have the right for me to leave me hanging or judge me without knowing me. It's really when they did things first then when it was me who did it, it wasn't okay anymore. I thought it was a safe space when it wasn't that case apparently. 🤷🏻‍♀️ They committed the heart of the law against murder without actually comitting the act of murder. They killed me, in short...

So I don't know if I should give second chances. When I give chances away, until how many can I take? Could I really take it? Can I really do that to myself? I'm becoming more aware of self-love and self-respect. I am not asking for too much right? I think these things are just the bare minimum? Respect? As well as love? Is love really too much to ask? I don't need a romantic love at all. Just the basic needs of love? I don't know...

I don't want to keep on teaching people how to love me because I feel that I express enough how I want to be loved? Sometimes it matters to me when I feel loved. Sometimes I feel it doesn't matter and I don't give a care. Does that make sense? Probably not. 😔

I think this is the most vulnerable piece I wrote on here. I usually don't write things that bother me but maybe there is power in that too and there is definitely power in writing it down. In this case, typing. I still prefer old school writing. But when I can't reach the pen and paper, this is then just my alternative and just my back up.

Sharing the songs I've been listening to non-stop because I can relate to it:

1. Anything For Love • Dua Lipa

2. Illusion • Dua Lipa

3. End of An Era • Dua Lipa

4. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys • Taylor Swift

5. The Black Dog • Taylor Swift

Go easy on me,

Jcl.

[jammingjaem]

assign opm songs to your moots and answer why in tagalog GO

omg sge, pero pasensya na sa moots ko na kailangan itranslate lahat ng sinabi ko HAHAHA— UPDATE: MY GOD ANG HIRAP😭

okay, starting off strong with my bffie, si ky (@lixizpixi), she is ‘simpleng tulad mo’ by daniel padilla. wagmuna kayong sumigaw kasi si deej yung nasabi ko pero!! pagnalaman niyo naman si ky, talagang sweet na taong to. actually nga, magiging 2 years na namin sa feb YUHH. anyways, kasi nga, simpleng tao lang talaga si ky pero ang saya kong kausapin siya. palagi kami nasa facetime at palagi kami sa text. masaya talagang kausapin si ky, siya talaga yung kanta.

sge so si janani (@jnnul)? i think yung kanta niya… ‘habang buhay’ by zack tabudlo. hindi lang kasi siya na mabait si janani so. ang saya tingin ng vibes at aura niya so i think na yung kanta na ‘to, talagang? pwede HAHA, nawawala yung tagalog ko, my god. anyways. di lang yan, ha. guys, yung work ni janani, yung kanta din pwede sa mga nasulat niya, especially ‘lowkey’, yung jaemin drabble niya. wow guys, di ko lang sinabi yun kasi si jaemin yung bias ko ha? wag niyo ko tignan LMFAOO.

okay so si nini (@hugs2doie) nanay ko yan ah- umumum i think ‘ligaw’ by moonstar88 ft. chito miranda yung bagay na kanta? mabait na tao si nini at parang vibes niya yung kanta especially since yung work niya din nakakasaya. sa totoo lang, palaging naglalaro yung kanta na ‘to pag binabasa ko yung texts niya (only kung nakikinig ako sa spotify). okay ba yun HAHAHA. no pero yung work niya na ‘flirty!classmate!nct dream x reader’ parang bagay sa kanta— or hindi? ewan guys. kakagising ko lang 😭

okay so si titi (@00127am) i thinks, ‘daunted’ by ysabelle cuevas. yung kanta na ‘to at si titi ay yung vibes na nakuha ko when naging mutuals kami. sa theme din niya, parang vibes din ng kanta. yung smaus din niya ang cuuute at yung doyoung smau niya, talagang kanta na ‘to. i mean, di naman sila nagmeet sa party diba pero pagnakikita niyo yung vision ko, sabihin niyo sakin. pag hindi, edi wag na / j.

[woo-shy]

For so long i've felt like i've been chasing after everything and everyone while struggling to breathe and it has come to a point wherein i feel like i'm out of air. No matter how i distance myself from everything and everyone i still find myself running twice as hard and it's even more exhausting. I'm tired of proving myself to myself. I do care about what other people think about me, but most importantly, i care about what i think of myself. Right now, i see myself and i look so small. I wanna be better but im tired of trying to be better. Most times, i feel like i will never be content of who i am.

Baka it's just the time of the month pero siguro nakakapressure lang rin talaga mga nakikita ko sa social media. Most of my friends are reviewing for the upcoming blepp tas ako parang wala man lang plano, ni hindi pa nga ako nakakakuha ng tor ko. Natotoxican na rin talaga ako sa ganitong takbo ng utak ko at alam ko naman na masama talaga mag-compare pero nakakaaning at guilty talaga madalas. Puro ganito na lang ata entry ko dito, nakakapagod na lang rin.

Feeling ko lang rin kasi talaga ang laki nung guilt at fear ko na dumating yung araw na marealize ko na mas masaya ako outside the field i studied. Parang all my hard work will just go down the drain in a snap tapos wala man lang akong napala dun. Wala lang. Ang hirap lang talaga magplano ng future na hindi mo nakikita na mararating mo. Sobrang pessimistic lang din siguro ng outlook ko sa buhay kaya ako ganito at lagi rin akong tinatamaan ng inferiority complex kaya okay na ako sa stagnancy (??) at slump kung yun man ang tawag sa estado ko ngayon. Hahahaha. Super lumaki rin sa competitive environment kaya pagtanda eh ayaw na ng kompetisyon at ng pressure. Hahahaha.

Kailan kaya ako hindi matatakot? Kailan kaya ako magiging ready? Alam ko naman na life is not a race pero syempre gusto ko rin naman kahit makalampas man lang sa starting line pero wala rin talaga akong energy tumakbo atsaka pano kung madapa lang ako?

Next month na lang uli ako magpopost ng ganito para di naman halata na araw-araw ko siyang iniisip. Charot.

[lalakinginvisible]

Got into a fight last night 🤣 ang hirap pala umawat pag magkaibang set of friends yung nag away. Kailangan kalma ka lang at ilagay lang yung tama ng alak sa tiyan. Like fuck, sinapak nung isang tropa ko yung tropa sa ibang set of friends, anong gagawin ko, di naman din ako pwedeng sumapak din kasi nga tropa din. Ang ending may dumating na pulis, tinanong yung kasama kong nasapak if he wants to file a police report pero sabi niya hassle because he has to go back pa sa manila today. So lumipat na lang kami ng ibang bar and called it a night after drinking.

[bianczsx]

21 days straight ako magwowork ha. ang hirap pag finishing na yung project. KSKSKSKSKSK ayoko na ng pera gusto ko nalang pahinga *wow, pero huhu naiiyak ako sa pagod minsan* like, i want rest???? pero may rest day naman kami after netong project before kami ma-transfer. pero 21 days? huhu. ge, OA lang ako pero gagawin ko naman 'yan kasi wala akong choice.

[sassycolorgentlemen]

The Challenges and Moments of Satisfaction of a 21 Weeks Pregnant: A Journey of a Second-Time Mother (A Narrative Report) 

Josie: “Sige, magpabuntis ka! Tingnan ko lang kung respetuhin ka ng anak mo, kapag asin na lang ang inuulam niya at nagpapaka-puta ka na lang para may isasak-sak ka lang sa sikmura niya! Alam mo, nagpapasalamat ako sa diyos at hindi isinilang ang dalawang bata na galing sa isang babae na iresponsable at makasariling tulad mo!”

Carla: “Kung magkaka-anak man ako, sisiguraduhin kong magkasama kami sa hirap at ginahawa! Hindi ko siya ipagpapalit dahil lang sa pera.”

This dialogue is from the most dramatic Filipino film of all time “Anak” (2000) played by Vilma Santos as Josie and Claudine Barreto as Carla, It captures the responsibility, sacrifices, and parental commitment. Josie criticized Carla, saying that she won’t be able to take care of a child properly and that the child might suffer because of it, However, Carla replied, that she will never leave her child no matter how tough the obstacles and challenges she gets. 

Just like the movie, it portrays a real story of a tough and emotional discussion about the struggles of being a parent and the responsibilities that she may face. No matter what really happens in her journey she will never leave her child for the sake of money.

This is the story of a woman who deals with harsh criticism about her ability to be a good mother, while she insists she will do her best to take care of her child despite any challenges in life. It reflects the struggles of being pregnant and worries about what the future might bring.

On September 02, 2024, Monday morning, at 10:30 a.m., a pregnant woman, with their guy waiting for them outside, was gathered at Talomo Health Center for their prenatal check-up. We were already there at 8:30 a.m., since when we went there last week, well you can actually know in the Infancy part, there is only one mother, with her newborn baby, remaining. So we make sure now that we need to go there as early as we can so that we can still meet, and interview a pregnant woman named Angelyn. 

We were guided by the mother of  Mr. Fernandez because her mother is a Barangay Health Worker (BHW) at the said health center for the interview. We patiently waited there for a minute. After the mother sat in front of us, we already conducted the interview, but first, we introduced ourselves, prepared the questions, even informed consent, if it was okay for her to interview, and asked for her personal details. But before that, we make sure that the mother is comfortable in her seat. Since Mr. Ando can’t speak and even understand Bisaya, Mr. Fernandez tries to translate it to make the question understandable and to make the interview engaging. 

Angelyn, a 20-year-old, 21 weeks pregnant, and a second-time mom, currently residing in Davao City, happily shares her stories. As a mother raising a child, she still wants to try for a baby boy the second time.

Carrying and taking care of a baby while still in the womb is not as easy as it seems. Physically, she gains weight (51 kg), which is normal as it supports the growing baby and prepares her body for childbirth. However, she feels anxious about what people, including her live-in partner, might say about her appearance. One of the most challenging physical changes she experiences also is stomach pain. Every time she lies down or sits, her stomach continues to hurt. To manage this, she uses effective oil on her tummy to help reduce the pain with its cooling effect.

In her cognitive studies, she said that she finds it hard to focus on tasks at work and around the house because of her continuous stomach pain. This pain makes it difficult for her to do things efficiently and affects her productivity. Despite her best efforts to manage, she frequently feels overwhelmed and frustrated. To cope with this she has started asking her husband for more help and is more demanding about his support with household chores. She feels that this help is necessary to balance her responsibilities and discomfort. Her struggles to stay focused and her increased need for support have become a significant part of her daily life

In terms of socioemotional, she mentioned that her relationships with family, friends, and her partner have changed significantly. They have become more caring and supportive throughout her pregnancy. Her husband, who had hoped for a boy, was especially happy when they learned the baby’s sex was indeed male. His happiness made him more willing to help with daily tasks. She also said that they support each other by checking if she’s okay, asking about her needs, and finding out what she wants to eat, which made her feel very supported. And also they assist her with tasks she struggles with, especially when her stomach pain is severe. For example, they help by serving her food and water, among other things. These actions have made her feel that she is well-supported.

When it comes to her challenges, one of the most difficult challenges she experiences is first sleep, she is always sleeping. Though it was in her progesterone hormones as a pregnant woman still she wanted to help and do her work as a mother since she has a baby too. But she is always sleeping. And also always dizzy, especially when she was exposed to radiation like cell phones or TV. And also whenever she stands up that is what makes her dizzy. Stress and anxiety in a pregnant woman are normal yet it shouldn't be normal since she is carrying a baby to reduce that issue she just wants to eat especially fruits that can help her to be healthy. 

The most joyful experience she has had during her pregnancy is finding out that she is having a baby boy. Both she and her husband had really hoped for a boy, and learning that their baby’s sex is male has brought them happiness. They feel fulfilled and excited about this new journey. To celebrate, they throw the occasion with a party, just like a birthday celebration. They invited family and friends to join in the joy of learning about their baby boy and shared their happiness with loved ones.

Her story really reflects the ups and downs of her pregnancy, the challenges and happy moments. Through it all, she finds the strength and the support of her loved ones and the celebration of welcoming her baby boy into the world.