#anli rambles

[justiceforjumin]

Saeyoung has never been more relatable honestly.

(In case you're wondering, the footnote is me affirming that I am not, in fact, paraphrasing. That's actually what he says.)

[justiceforjumin]

"I learned somewhere that it's impossible to translate everything 100% accurately because there's a lot of cultural nuance that WILL be lost in translation, which is something that I'm starting to understand after translating a couple things here."

Yes, and this is what's very important to understand when doing translation work. Some languages have expressions or words to refer to a very specific thing that other languages won't. One of the first things we're taught as translators (I study translation in French/Mandarin/English) is that we often have two options : either we translate everything literally/word-for-word at the risk of confusing the target audience, or we take liberties to make it comprehensible and relatable to the target audience while retaining the overall meaning. Either way, the point of translation is to deliver a message over language barriers. It's up to you to decide how you want to do that.

Sometimes, there is just no way to avoid losing things in translation, especially when it comes to culture. One very dumb example of this is the relationship between Redd and Tom Nook from Animal Crossing. In Japanese folklore, tanuki and kitsune are essentially mortal enemies, but a western audience wouldn't understand the reference the developers are making with their backstory. Tanuki is also translated as raccoon to make it more familiar to the west, so we lose even more meaning. An example of this in MysMe that gets lost is what MC is actually saying when she calls any of the boys 'Lovely (Name)'. If you check the Korean version, you realize that MC is using the word oppa to refer to them, but there's no equivalent in English

But there are times where things get lost in translation due to poor choice of words. Many words can be synonyms but don't carry the same nuance. There's a difference between 'unsightly' and 'hideous', and sometimes one word changes the whole meaning of the sentence. That's why translation is a very subjective thing.

Why they translated '엘리자베스 3세가 떠난 시기에 내 곁에 오게 되어서 그렇게 생각하는 건가?' (Do you think so because you came to me at the same time Elizabeth the 3rd left?) to 'well, the use is fairly similar' in Jumin's route, though, THAT is something I absolutely do not understand.

there's no way they changed any of the translations right? i specifically remember a very iconic jumin phone call where he says "you can ask for much more"

They might have! I've seen some speculation that some things were changed around when Cheritz did the big interface update a few years back because apparently quite a few people remember the same details differently to how they currently happen. It is just speculation though, as far as I'm aware.

To elaborate on my tags from earlier, I was specifically talking about this part of the "Are you playing with me?" call on day 8.

Here are these lines in Korean ->

Disclaimer I am by no means fluent in Korean, but I'd say my basic reading comprehension is decent. Sooo if I were to translate this I'd probably do it like this

You can be a little more greedy. No, far more greedy.

You can ask me for so much more. I'm prepared to do anything.

Though I do like the translation "I'm ready to do whatever it takes to satisfy you." That's a good line 👀

It is definitely possible that he says something very similar to "you can ask for much more" elsewhere in the translation (it's on brand for him to repeat that idea after all), but I'm not 100% sure! Super random line for them to change if they did change it.

[sangheilihoes]

To all my wonderful friends, my lovelies

I want to thank you all for the support I had (and continue to have) from y'all. 2024 has easily been one of the worse years of my life but each and every one of you made it just a little better, even if you don't think so. I can only hope that I've been supportive to all of you as well. Im happy and proud to call you my family. Siblings, cousins, mommies, daddies however you want to refer urselfs, I love y'all so much and none of you better not forget that 🔪 💕

@wyyvernn 🖤

@psybrepunk 💙

@ladysaturnsdust 💜

@tbonechessor ❤️

@konnisart 💚

@mocacheezy 💜

@dwarf-vader-of-middle-earth 🧡

@demigoddessqueens 🩷

@heiress-prime 🩵

@o-i-have-too 🤎

@theuniversesguardian 🤍

@callme-mag ❤️

@dairsmuids 💓

@anli-rambles 💝

@wetemplarsnow 💛

@theblueshark 🩵

@alphaminor128 🩶

@especiallyhaytham 💞

@donnaajah 💓

@bloodhaven99 ❣️

@amefuyuu ♥️

@bloodfathers 💟

@cleric-of-crows 💗

@memoriesofafallen 🤎

@konnisart 💘

@shnnn 💌

@hidden-scarlet-whispers ❣️

@lemonbaloni 💛

@2bagelsinatrenchcoat 🧡

@jessijynx123 🤍

@malwarewolf404 🖤

@upwards-descent 💚

@oogelyboogely 🤎

@manicpixiedreamsaren 🩵

@gronnulv 💕

@sweetcocopowder 💞

@mythicalvoid787 🩶

@miss-gms-and-the-rotten-womb 🩷

[dairsmuids]

A Deadly Performance

A Haytham Kenway x Reader smut fic (named for the mission it's set after, because I'm lazy at coming up with titles)

Dedicated to @anli-rambles my beloved, because I love you endlessly, and my life is better for having you in it. (shut up I can be as sappy as I want this is my fic <3) Thank you for being the first person to read this, because your praise actually hyped me up enough to want to post it lol

Tagging: @bloodfathers @sangheilihoes @ladysaturnsdust @amefuyuu @wyyvernn @memoriesofafallen @heiress-prime

Haytham's cape billows behind him as he strolls out of the opera house doors, seemingly unbothered by the cacophony taking place behind him. He walks with his usual air of cold confidence, greeting you with just the briefest hint of a side smile as Holden opens the carriage door to let him in.

"And how was the opera?"

"Rather dull, truth be told," comes Haytham's deliberately-flat response. You can't help but giggle into your palm at that — you know full well, of course, why he'd come here and what he'd done — but Haytham is far too busy inspecting the amulet in his hand to react to, or even notice, your amusement. He seems utterly bewildered by the fruits of his labour as he twirls the unusual item between his fingers.

"Shall we be off, then?" asks Holden.

"Aye, to Fleet and Bride."

"By your command."

As the carriage begins to move off, the hollow sound of the horses' hooves ringing out against the ground, you lean into Haytham's side, to which the Templar finally acknowledges you properly with a soft kiss to the side of your head.

"Missed you," you murmur, "Holden's been beguiling me with tales all evening in your absence."

Haytham just hums a noncommittal response, clearly still distracted by the amulet in his hand. You reach for it curiously, but he moves it away with a playful air as he finally makes eye contact with you.

"So, this is what Master Birch has been foaming at the mouth about," you say, leaning in to take a closer look.

Haytham gives a subtle raise of his eyebrows as his steel-blue eyes find the amulet once more. "His utterly inane preoccupation with this... this... prattle evades any level of understanding I've had of him over the years," he says, and you can tell by the tinge of frustration in his voice that there's something going on there, something deeper than he's letting on, but you don't press the matter. Even if you did, you knew Haytham likely wouldn't wish to speak about it.

Wanting to be a place of solace for his very obvious disgruntlement you reach over to plant a kiss against Haytham's cheek, your lips lingering upon his skin for a moment or two, before placing your hand gently upon his knee, stroking your thumb idly against the clothed skin. Haytham doesn't respond at first, his entire focus still on the amulet, but then you glide your hand all the way up his thigh, squeezing gently as your fingertips brush his crotch, and his body language stiffens up ever so slightly.

"What are you doing, my dear?" he asks, gazing at you now, with an arch of one single perfectly-groomed brow. There's the tiniest hint of a smirk flickering upon his lips.

You flash him a grin. "You just seem a little... tense, is all. I thought perhaps I could help with that."

"Is that so?"

"It is so," you tell him, and you lean in to press your lips against his, his hand trailing up the back of your neck as the two of you begin to kiss in long, slow, perfectly in-sync strokes.

You give his thigh another light squeeze as you pull away from the kiss, tracing your fingertips up and down, glancing downward to notice the way there's now a very obvious bulge at the front of his breeches, "May I be allowed to… help you with that, sir?"

At first you wonder if perhaps Haytham is against the idea of you doing something so wanton to him in a semi-public setting, but his hooded gaze and the way he suddenly leans in for another quick peck on the lips tells you all you need to know. "You may," he replies, and then his warm lips are against the shell of your ear, his voice a harsh growl as he speaks again: "Discreetly, or there'll be trouble."

And so you do as he commands. Haytham's eyes drift closed as your hand slips upwards and into his breeches. A small, restrained groan falls from his parted lips, his fist tightening around the amulet in his palm.

"You're utterly insatiable, you know," comes the Templar's voice, low and raspy, as he opens his eyes to regard you again, his intense gaze fixed upon the side of your face. You swipe your thumb over the head of his cock and he immediately responds, sucking air through his teeth. "Didn't you get enough of me this morning?"

Your thoughts drift back to earlier in the day — Haytham had given you a wake up call in the form of his teeth at your neck and a hand between your legs, before proceeding to take you in bed, on the chair next to the bed, and against the windowsill. A good morning indeed.

"I can never get enough of you, love," you say with a smile, and then you lean in closer, dropping your voice. "Besides, I figured you were deserving of a reward for the job you did this evening. This is a much better reward than any kind Master Birch would give you, hm?"

Haytham breathes out a chuckle at that, though his gaze is clouding over as he does so — clearly too distracted by your touch to fully engage in a conversation. "I should certainly hope Reginald never offers me this kind of reward; I may have to pledge my allegiances elsewhere."

Your chest jolts slightly with the ghost of a laugh as you grasp at the waistband of Haytham's breeches, pulling them down just enough to expose his now fully erect cock to the open air of the carriage, immediately reaching to wrap your hand around him, stroking up and down with just the right amount of speed and pressure. This isn't the first time you've done this to Haytham: you know just how he likes to be touched.

Haytham drops his head back slightly as his chest heaves with heavy breaths, his eyelids fluttering shut, and he reaches for the red cravat around his neck to loosen it slightly.

"You're going to be the death of me, you naughty little thing," he moans, his voice a quiet rumble that barely pierces the air around the two of you.

You hum happily at that, revelling in the velvety warmth of his cock in your palm as his hips thrust upwards, one of his hands scrambling to grasp at the back of the carriage seat while the other still tightly grips onto the amulet. It's clear he's trying his best to control himself, but as you continue to move your hand roughly against him, you can tell that restraint is quickly becoming the furthest thing from his mind.

Haytham presses his hand to his eyes, pushing upwards into his hairline and grabbing lightly, as though he needs to hold on to something, anything. A few rogue strands of dark hair fall loose from his usually-perfect ponytail, framing his slightly reddened face.

"You're a menace," he chokes out as you swipe your thumb over the head of his cock again, the action making a filthy slick sound as you smear his precum up and down the entire length.

Restraint appears to be an entirely forgotten concept to Haytham now as your continued touch sends him hurtling toward the edge, his hips fucking furiously upwards into your hand like nothing else matters in life. He looks a dishevelled, desperate mess, a million miles away from his usual buttoned-up self, and you love that you're the only one who can coax this side out of him.

Haytham's entire body begins to tense up, his thigh muscles tightening until all at once you feel his entire body shudder, a long, guttural moan escaping from between his parted lips. His stormy eyes roll back into his skull as he lets himself fall into climax, his release coating your palm, the abundance of it dripping down your wrist and onto the warm skin of his exposed stomach.

Without missing a beat he reaches his hand into the chest area of his jacket, pulling a handkerchief from the breast pocket of his red waistcoat and offering it to you, which you accept with a soft laugh as you use it to clean up the sticky mess on your hand. “Ever the perfect gentleman,” you say teasingly.

Haytham chuckles as he draws in a deep breath, his demeanour now seeming much more relaxed as he begins to straighten himself up, tucking his softening cock back into the confines of his breeches.

“Let me fix this,” you murmur as you reach for his loosened cravat, untying it before redoing it into a perfectly even bow. His gaze upon you is heated and intense, as though pouncing upon you like a wild animal would be preferable, and as you meet his eyes you can't help the blush that spreads across your cheeks.

“For what it's worth, my darling,” Haytham growls lowly, his warm breath tickling your ear as he leans in close, “I fully intend to repay the favour later.”

[2af-afterdark]

Same anon from before, the MC is also is one of the reasons I quit as well. Eiden from Nu:C is a great one.

I feel like Eiden is the gold standard for 18+ protagonists. He is a fully fleshed out character with a thought out backstory and well developed relationships with the cast. His characterization is consistent, his motivations make sense, and his actions are predictable if you know who he is rather then feeling jerked around by the plot.

I also tend to like the Ikemen protagonists who dont feel as strong as Eiden (since each variation is slightly different depending on the man you are pursuing), but feel well developed according to the route.

I'm still deciding how strong Anli (Noctilucent) is as a character. Most of the cast around him is pretty strong and I feel he can sometimes get washed out because of it. He is a caring person, clever, empathetic. I just wish he seemed like he was enjoying the H scenes a bit more (he often looks like he's confused or surprised during them). Which, I get. He's not like Eiden who is incredibly sexual. Anli starts the game as a virgin who has never had a partner before. Also, he's a submissive. Even when he tops, it's all service top energy.

As for the LADS protagonist... she is a mixed bag for me. Sometimes she feels incredibly clever and other times she is dumb as a bag of rocks. She is hard working. She feels like she changes her character a bit depending on the guy she is with (why did she turn so dumb during Sylus part???) I really need to see these men interact. It feels like they MC is living five separate lives. Hell! Zayne and Caleb were childhood friends! Shouldn't Zayne at least react to anything about Caleb. I actually think the game suffers for not letting the men interact, especially as their plots start to collide.

Sorry. I rambled about all the protagonists I'm currently dealing with and it just made it so much more obvious why Ra-on bucks. Lol

[odysseys-blood]

ok now that ive seen all of xiel's personal story ive come to the conclusion that this game is a bunch of guys who have never really had friends before.

(bit more rambling about it under the cut w/ some spoilers related to several personal stories)

- anli is sorta? exempt from this? but not all the way bc we know he was friends with milles and nolno but he still spent the majority of his time by himself and he does have rye but thats not really the same at all.

- i mentioned xiel above and in all of his 25 years he had ONE person he was close to (his personal butler caleb) and it hadn't even gotten to be a full blown friendship yet considering 1) they met probably only a few years before the current story 2) caleb ended up nearly dying (and is still only barely alive). so overall his friend counter is still a 0.

- delos was pretty popular in zarcove but like. no mention of any close friends. just his little brother and that does NOT count. you can be friends with your siblings ofc (and i know this well considering how i get along w/ my own brother) but like. i see it more as him just being a brother and caretaker from how he acted with denir. so 23 with no friends.

- yve and owyn.... lonely as hell. no friends.

- mishe didn't even get along well with the other children at the orphanage he used to stay in bc he was always getting picked at and then i dont think he really went out after he started staying in the clock tower.

- hyasha and sen: LOL

- heigel's got connections but i dont think that man has friends.

- ok out of the entire roster of main chars the only two i can see having friends are dacatt and cypar. and i have neither of their base ssr's so idk anything about their backstories but i can believe dacatt makes friends easy and is popular. cypar on the other hand i believe he is popular but ALSO i dont think he makes friends as easily or keeps people at arms length. so theres that.

[dairsmuids]

@anli-rambles @ladysaturnsdust

you ever speak to your best friend and it just absolutely centres you. oh yeah none of that shit matters. I love you

[justiceforjumin]

So, I've started working on the translation again (I have a few chats done so far but I want to do a few more before I start posting them) and once again found something they changed in the English version that I wish they'd kept. I made a footnote about it in the actual translation but I still want to share it with y'all in this post.

It's the chat on Day 4 at 11:45AM with Yoosung where they're talking about Seven changing his legal name to Luciel. The English version goes like this :

MC : Yeah, I thought the name Luciel was a bit too cartoonish. Yoosung : Really ? Jumin : Doesn't the name remind you of a character in a fantasy novel ? Yoosung : How would you know that ? Jumin : I do have common sense.

But — you guessed it — that's not what he says in Korean. The Korean version actually translates to :

MC : I did think the name “Luciel” sounded a bit like a character from a comic book. Yoosung : Really ? Jumin : Doesn’t it feel like middle-school syndrome ? I mean, “Luciel”? Yoosung : Hyung;; how do you even know the term “middle-school syndrome”? Jumin : It was in a “Modern Language Dictionary” that Assistant Kang told me to read.

WHY DIDN'T CHERITZ KEEP THIS IN I DON'T UNDERSTAND—

[sangheilihoes]

I had an idea and I got encouragement from my friends 🥴

Haytham discovers fleshlights

Warnings: Sex toys, masturbation, light D/s undertones, dirty talk (?)

Tagging: @bloodhaven99 @wyyvernn @ladysaturnsdust @psybrepunk @konnisart @haytham-loves-chocolate @memoriesofafallen @demigoddessqueens @heiress-prime @anli-rambles @amefuyuu @grandmaster-haytham-kenway @dairsmuids

Don't like, don't read. MDNI

Imagine before leaving for a long trip, you gift Haytham a fleshlight so he can have fun while he’s away. He almost feels guilty, such a lewd toy and to use it while thinking of you, he doesn’t want to degrade you but you insisted he take it, so he did. While on his trip, you sent him a letter, telling him of your day to day life and how much you miss him. When finishes reading it, he notices another two other pages. Written in your handwriting, the second page says:

Before looking at the third page, I want you naked, in bed, with that toy in hand

He immediately felt a pang of arousal shoot through him, his face beginning to burn. He was tempted to peek at the third page but he was a good, obedient boy and instead got up from his chair, walking over to his cabin door to check that it was locked. Once he was satisfied, he began stripping down a little too quickly, almost tripping over his trousers in the process.

His cock was already half hard. The things you could do to him with just a few words or a simple glance never failed to make his head spin. Digging into his personal bag, he found the toy quickly, getting more excited by the second. Now naked with the toy in his hand, he grabbed the letter and sat on the bed, placing his back against the headboard. Making himself comfortable, he gave his cock a couple pumps with his hand, fully hardening. Finally he looked at the third page,

My dearest Haytham, I know you feel hesitant using your gift but I can assure you, I want you to and I want you to ruin it, to pump it full of your seed over and over and over again while thinking of me.

Unable to take his eyes off the words, Haytham took the toy in his hand and lined it up to the tip his cock, picturing you on top of him, eager to ride him. He slipped himself into the toy, gasping at the tightness and little nubs that were inside the toy stimulating him. He continued reading,

Do you want to know a dirty secret of mine, my love? I have my own toy that I use when we’re away from each other. I fuck myself, over and over again, wishing you were there, to hear my moans, to touch me and to feel my cunt around your cock.

A loud moan left his throat before he could stop himself. He bit on his tongue to keep from getting loud again and waking the crew. To think about you using a toy on yourself, watching your pussy get stretched and moaning for him, his cock twitches within the toy.

“Y/N…” Haytham moans out. He wished you were with him, riding him, feeling your walls clench around him, the warmth…

What would you do to me if I was there? Would you beg me to touch you or perhaps you’re tired of waiting and you throw me on the bed, fucking me into the mattress? Would you be gentle to your wife or rough to your whore? Worship your goddess or use your kitten?

He whimpered, his head swimming in thoughts of you. Every scenario playing in his head, each equally intoxicating as the last. He wanted- no, he needed you.

“I yearn for all of you…” He whispered. His hips rutting up into the fleshlight.

I miss all of you, your kisses, hugs, your voice. You’ve done some kind of magic on me, Haytham, I crave all of you, everyday I don’t feel your touch and when I do, I crave you that much more.

“Y/N!” He cried out. He was getting close, that familiar knot in his stomach quickly approaching, yet he continued reading.

Make a mess of that toy, Haytham and then come home to me and tell me how hard you came while moaning my name like a prayer. Make love to me, ruin me, fill me with your seed and then do it all over again

He crumbled, sobbing out your name, he fucked his hand furiously as he came, cum leaking over his hands and into the toy, his entire body shaking. When he came down from his intense high, he looked at the piece of paper again,

Have a good night, my love. I await your return and your touch

Love, forever yours, Y/N

He made a mental note to keep this letter with him for now on. Perhaps his nights won’t be so dull anymore. And the fleshlight can stay too.

[dairsmuids]

got tagged by my dearest @hintatake ♡

rules: shuffle your On Repeat playlist and list the first five songs in a poll, then have your followers choose their favorite.

no pressure tags: @ladysaturnsdust @anli-rambles @acbrainrot @whimsyswastry @bourbonthesecond @sangheilihoes @mentallymaroon and anyone else who wants to do this ♡

[sangheilihoes]

@bloodhaven99 @psybrepunk @ladysaturnsdust @anli-rambles @dairsmuids @wyyvernn @demigoddessqueens

reblog if you have skilled writer friends and you're damn proud of them

[justiceforjumin]

Something about the way Jumin speaks in Korean that I can't really translate into English is the fact that (even when speaking, not just texting) he ends a lot of his sentences with ~군 (pronounced gun, where the 'u' makes a 'oo' sound, if you wanna check for yourself by listening to one of his calls). Without wanting to get too much into boring grammar, this is kind of interesting to me bc you would normally use that verb ending (Korean sentence structure is Subject-Object-Verb) to express surprise upon learning something new. So to me it's like Jumin is discovering everything for the first time and it's both funny and kinda cute, lol. If I were to try to explain what using ~군 as an ending would be in English, it's like Jumin is always starting his sentences with "I see that" or "I realize that".

An example of this would be something like someone saying "눈이 나쁘군" ((I see that) your vision is bad indeed) after a friend tries to read a sign from afar and messes up bc they can't see the letters properly.

Just thought I'd share this for those who follow me and wanted to know what I mean when I say Jumin sounds a lot softer in Korean. This is part of the reason why.

[sangheilihoes]

Good boy~

Warnings: None really just sub!Haytham begging as usual :3

💖 @memoriesofafallen @ladysaturnsdust @bloodhaven99 @psybrepunk @wyyvernn @bookworm-with-coffee @haytham-loves-chocolate @demigoddessqueens @konnisart @heiress-prime @anli-rambles @dairsmuids @grandmaster-haytham-kenway @amefuyuu 💖

It felt like it had been hours since Haytham was stripped naked by you. His hands were tied behind his back and he was placed on the couch.

His back was to your chest, one hand stroking his cock, giving it and his balls plenty of attention, with the other going back and forth from pinching his nipples to massaging his balls, ccasionally raking your nails along his flesh, giving him chills. Your lips traveled anywhere they could, leaving wet kisses and red hickeys covered in dark red lipstick. Haytham had long since fallen into mind numbing pleasure, lewd moans and your name spilling from his lips like a prayer.

“My good boy, being so good for me.” You whispered

“mmhmh…” Was his only response

“Is this what I do to you, my love? Make you speechless? Do I make you yearn for my touch, for my body?” You teasingly asked, knowing he probably couldn’t answer even if he wanted to.

He felt a knot building in his stomach, he was getting close. He started rutting into your hand, anything to push him over that sweet edge. He almost started sobbing when your hand pulled away suddenly.

“You know you’re mine, right?” You asked, holding his face so he could look at you. He didn’t know where your possessive mood came from but he found himself nodding furiously but it wasn’t a satisfying answer.

“I want you to say it, I want you to say you’re mine and I’ll let you cum.” Your hand hovered over his cock.

“I’m yours” He whimpered quietly

“Good start but I want to actually hear it, say it again but louder.” You sounded almost condescending.

“I’m yours, Y/N.” He repeated, this time a little louder

Your hand wrapped around his cock and started stroking but it was too slow, not enough to make him come undone. “Say it again.” You demanded, keeping at a slow pace.

“I’m yours. Y/N, please I can’t, please let me-” You interrupted him

“Louder, Hayth.” You sped up, that knot in his stomach growing bigger and his cock nearly pulsing. He was close to tears at this point.

“P-please, my love! I’m yours, I’ve always been yours!”

"I. Said. Louder!"

"I’M YOURS! I BELONG TO YOU!" He cried out again. The neighbors most definitely heard him that time

“You’re my good boy, such a slut~” You went faster, both hands now working him to orgasm. His head was thrown back, a string of curses, your name and “thank you”s spilling from his lips. It wasn’t long before his seed spilled out, covering your hands and most definitely making a mess of your bed sheets.

“There you go baby, take what you need from me. You did so good.” You cooed, talking him through his euphoric high.

His body trembled and twitched with the overwhelming aftershocks, his orgasm making him see white stars in his vision. You start kissing his face and neck, endless praises coming from you.

He comes down from his high to see you smiling sweetly at him. "My good boy." You coo, his heart flutters. Yes, he is your good boy.

[dairsmuids]

— and i could love you violently, if i let myself

summary: when shepard visits the citadel to investigate volus ambassador din korlack and his possible ties to cerberus, she doesn't expect to find herself confronted with a ghost from her recent past in the process.

pairings: zaeed x femshep, garrus x femshep (mention only)

word count: 2.8k

a/n: for reference: my canon shepard is lucrezia "ezi" shepard, a mostly-renegade vanguard with a spacer background and ruthless service history. ezi had an ongoing fling with zaeed during the events of me2, but as a pair of grumpy idiots who'd rather shoot first than share feelings, they never fully expressed how they felt about each other. so their romance fizzled out, and ezi ended up getting involved with garrus.

ezi is a fury-driven mess of a human, and i adore her.

dedication: my two best friends, anli & lya, who aren't even in this fandom but always make time to listen to my ramblings & encourage me to be more vocal about whatever is on my mind. thank you both for always letting me annoy the shit out of you. i love you ♡

also on ao3 here.

Zaeed Massani emits a rough exhale, shifting his grip on his rifle as he glances down at the pile of mercenary corpses cooling on the apartment’s tiled vinyl floor. Din Korlack, the volus he's spent the last few weeks chasing, cowers in the corner, wheezing anxiously into his breather mask. Not that Zaeed gives two shits about him anymore. His focus has now shifted to the woman walking in through the apartment doorway.

She looks beautiful as ever, he thinks to himself before immediately internally brushing off the too-soft thought. Though he can't deny it's true, she does look good. Lucrezia Shepard — Ezi to her friends — is the stunning yet dangerous force of nature she always was. And yet Zaeed can clearly see there's something else in her stance now. Something heavier. The weight of war, perhaps. The same war that's currently burning half the goddamn galaxy down.

"Shepard," Zaeed greets, the mercenary’s voice tinged with its usual sandpaper quality as he rests his gun casually over his shoulder. "Took your damn time getting here. Glad I wasn't just making an ass out of myself over a hunch."

"Been a while, Zaeed," Shepard murmurs, a surprising level of amity to her tone as the apartment door hisses closed behind her. Bright blue eyes flick over the dead mercs before landing on Zaeed again. A part of her still can't believe that Massani of all people is involved in this. She'd, of course, wondered where he'd gone after she'd returned to Earth, but allying with Cerberus again was not what she expected. "Where's Korlack?"

Zaeed jerks his head towards the volus huddled in the corner, not taking his eyes off Shepard. Goddamn sentimentality, he thinks to himself as his mind betrays him with a flash of a memory: his body covering hers in her bed on the Normandy. "Lucky for our little friend here, he's alive. Guess you could say I had a change of heart." He expels a short grunt sound that's almost a chuckle, as his eyes find the corpses of his fellow mercs once again, giving one of them a slight nudge with his boot. "Undisciplined bastards. That's what I get for signing up at the last minute."

Shepard strides over to Korlack, her black boots splashing in merc blood as she closes the distance. She grabs the volus by the collar of his envirosuit, hauling him to his feet with a sharp tug.

"You should've gone to C-Sec if your life was in danger," the Commander growls firmly, her light blue eyes flashing with a level of unbridled irritation that's pretty much business as usual for her. "I've got questions, and you're going to answer them. And don't even think about lying to me." She shakes him slightly, her grip tightening. "What intel did you give Cerberus?"

Zaeed watches almost nonchalantly as Shepard manhandles the volus, a small smirk playing at the corner of his scarred mouth. Her fire stirs something in him he's struggling to ignore, even if it's hardly the first time he's seen her act in such a manner.

Korlack lets out a surprised wheeze as he's dragged upright. "Information o-on a turian planet's defense system," he explains with a stammer, his small eyes darting nervously between Shepard and Zaeed, "B-but if I tell you which planet they're attacking, Cerberus will know I turned t-t-traitor."

Zaeed rolls his one good eye, crossing his arms over his chest. "You already betrayed your own people, you dumb bastard," he says, his voice a low growl. "Talk, before Shepard starts pulling bits off you to feed to her varren."

Shepard's grip on Korlack's collar immediately tightens, knuckles turning white as she does so. She can feel her practically-nonexistent patience begin to wear thin. She leans in close, her breath hot against the mask of his envirosuit. "We just saved your life," she mutters, her voice low and menacing. "Tell us what planet you've put in danger, or I swear to God, I'll make what Zaeed did to those mercs look like a picnic."

Cool metal meets warm flesh for a brief moment as Shepard’s free hand drifts to the pistol at her hip, the touch a silent but meaningful threat at the volus diplomat. And at that Korlack swallows hard, the combination of the Commander’s iron grip and her threats enough to finally wear him down. "Aethus," he immediately blurts out as he takes in another hiss of a breath. "It's Aethus. Cerberus will attack a colony called Aethus for its shipyards."

Shepard's eyes narrow as the volus spits out the name of the targeted colony, finally giving up the necessary information. At least I can pass this on to Victus and get the colony evacuated, she thinks, mildly relieved, That oughta save a lot of Turian lives.

"That wasn't so hard now, was it," Shepard mutters, releasing Korlack roughly. He crumples to the floor, making another hissing sound as he gasps for air. She watches as the volus stands, readjusting and fixing himself. "Now get out of here. Before I change my mind about sparing you."

Zaeed watches Korlack scramble to his feet and hurry towards the door with mumbled thanks, and the mercenary can't help but feel a twinge of disappointment that it's already all over. A small part of him wanted to see Shepard unleash a bit more of that infamous temper of hers.

As he turns back to Shepard he lowers his rifle, letting the weapon hang loosely at his side. "Took him long enough to spit that out," he remarks, his voice a low rumble. He takes a step closer to her, his heavy boots thudding against the blood-stained floor.

Shepard turns to face Zaeed, her light blue eyes flashing with a mix of relief and lingering anger. She rests her pale hands on her hips, her stance wide and authoritative as she regards him, letting out a small hum of confirmation. "I'll make sure the Primarch gets the information and evacuates the colony. We can't let Cerberus destroy any more innocent lives."

Her eyes flick over towards the mercs’ cooling bodies in the opposite corner of the room, eyebrow quirking upward ever so slightly before her gaze finds Zaeed's once more, the obvious question burning a hole in her brain. "Zaeed, what are you even doing here?" she asks, her tone betraying a combination of confusion and disappointment. Another lingering flicker of a glance toward the corpses. "Who were those people you were with?"

Zaeed's gaze lingers on Shepard's face, taking in the fierce determination practically carved into the sharp lines of her jaw. "Bunch of mercs from Omega," he explains. "Signed on with them when I heard they were making a hit on Cerberus. Didn't realise until it was too late that they were actually making a hit for Cerberus." A short exhale escapes his parted rough lips, a sound that's almost a regretful sigh, though Zaeed typically makes it a point not to harbour too many regrets. "Should've studied the job longer."

Shepard allows a single thin dark eyebrow to lift upward once again, though she doesn't give a verbal response. The alteration of her body language — the folding of her arms across her N7 hoodie-clad chest, the way she shifts her weight from one foot to another as she stares him down — is more than enough to relay her disappointment in his stupidity.

Zaeed can't help but let his gaze drift over her, taking in the changes since he last saw her. The most noticeable difference is her hair, once shoulder-length and now cut in a short cropped style, different from how he remembers her during their time together on the Normandy almost a year ago. If he concentrates hard enough he can almost remember the softness of the strands of her dark locks against his fingertips.

"Fuckin' hell, Ez," he says, his voice a low rumble as he gestures at her head with a quiet huff. "Y’know, I almost didn't recognise you when you first walked in." He smirks, his cheek scar pulling tight.

Shepard's gaze sharpens at Zaeed's comment, but a flicker of amusement sparks in her light blue eyes as the prior disappointment finally starts to dissipate. She reaches up to touch her cropped hair, a small smirk playing at the corner of her mouth. "Can it, you geriatric bastard," she retorts, her voice sharp and dry as her smirk remains firmly plastered on her face. "The upkeep was driving me nuts. Besides, I used to have my hair short like this long before you knew me.”

Zaeed chuckles roughly at her geriatric bastard comment, a sound that rumbles deep in his chest. Hurling insults always was their way of showing familiarity and affection, and he's grateful that hasn't changed, at least. "Reckon I've got more hair on my balls than you've got on your head, you cheeky bitch." He takes another step closer to her, until he's standing just a foot away, close enough to smell the faint scent of her shampoo.

"Relax, sweetheart," he continues as he meets Shepard's expression of amused indignance, his voice lowering to a rumbling murmur between them. "Never said it didn't suit ya." He almost wants to reach out, brush his calloused fingers against the short bristly hairs at the back of her neck, but he thinks better of it.

There's a brief silence between the pair, and Shepard tries to pointedly ignore the knot she suddenly feels in her chest at Zaeed's oh-so-typical bumbling attempt at a compliment. He can smoothly put a bullet between a set of batarian eyes from a few hundred yards, yet handles any kind of flirtation like he's trying to juggle a hot potato. It's ridiculous, and endearing.

"For what it's worth, you look like hell," she remarks as she takes half a step back, her arms still crossed across her chest, the zip of her hoodie digging a little into the side of her arm. It's supposed to be an attempt at humour, but there's also a hint of a bite to it, and Shepard realises then that she hasn't quite shaken off her disappointment in him just yet.

Zaeed gives a huff of amusement, showing himself unfazed by her words. "You always knew how to flatter a man."

Shepard allows the veiled facade of humour to completely drop, then — a mixture of irritation and something like concern flickering in her expression as she regards him. "And you always knew not to get played," she reminds him, "Not like this. Not by a bunch of pisspoor third-rate Cerberus goons who couldn't hit a target if Harbinger himself was hovering right in front of them."

She hadn't heard a word from or about Zaeed in months, and suddenly he shows up tacked onto a Cerberus job, even if he's admittedly not actually with Cerberus. Shepard's sure she could laugh at the irony. Suddenly Kaidan’s reaction to seeing her on Horizon last year makes more sense to her than it ever did before.

To her words Zaeed gives a shrug, but it's a stiff, awkward movement. Truth is, he had been off his game, and he knows that. Knows he's fucked up. But admitting it would be a level of emotional vulnerability that the mercenary veteran doesn't have in him.

"Didn't realise you cared so goddamn much," he manages, his voice a gruff grumble that gives nothing of his inner turmoil away.

His response would probably make Shepard recoil if she was a lesser creature, but she's been too hardened by the past to allow this frustration to seep too deeply into her war-weary bones. She's experienced enough horror to last multiple lifetimes. She's watched friends die in her arms. She's executed enemies without batting an eye, unflinching at their blood splattering across her face. Hell, she's even experienced the touch of death herself. Deliberate apathy from a man she once believed she could love? It pales in comparison. It's a dull ache that barely leaves a mark in the smoking crater of her life story.

She's about to turn on her heel and leave, about to mumble something about having to contact the Primarch — but Zaeed gets the jump on her, slipping his rifle onto his back before he starts to walk away toward the apartment door.

"C-Sec’ll be on their way soon enough," he mutters in his low, gravelly tone, "Won't be too pleased with the mess we've left ‘em, I imagine." The apartment door hisses as it slides open to allow the mercenary to depart.

Shepard stares blankly at Zaeed's back as the distance between them grows. She watches expectantly for him to turn the corner and head out into the hallway — but, in the open doorway, he does something she doesn't expect. He stops. And stands there, for a brief moment that feels like a lifetime.

He doesn't bother to look back, but he wants to. God, does he want to. A slow, measured breath escapes his cracked lips. Once again he doesn't think before he acts, though this time Zaeed's foolish act comes in the form of a question he wishes he'd thought better of. "Vakarian treating you well?"

That very nearly catches Shepard off guard.

Her thoughts momentarily drift to Garrus. Just a few hours ago she'd been standing at the top of the Presidium with the turian, confessing her love for him. Are you ready to be a one-turian kind of woman?, he had asked, his nervousness obvious even as he tried his best to mask it behind his trademark sultry purr.

And she does want that. God knows she does.

But as her eyes travel down the length of Zaeed's armour-clad back, a small part of her can't help but still wonder about the road less travelled.

"He is," comes her straightforward reply. Her response is much less complicated than the mental gymnastics it took her to arrive at it. Her jaw clenches, almost as though the admittance pains her.

Zaeed simply nods, as if that's all he needs to hear. Maybe it is. Maybe it has to be.

He leaves his questioning at that.

"Talk more later, Shepard," he mutters finally, a pathetic attempt to cling onto some sort of nonchalance — a nonchalance that isn't there and that hasn't ever been there when it comes to her, if he's truly honest with himself. "Catch up near the docks, if you like."

Without another word he finally offers mercy on them both by turning the corner and walking away, the apartment door sliding shut behind him. Once it's fully shut, leaving Zaeed standing out in the quiet hallway alone, he lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding, running a hand down his battle-worn face.

It’s better this way, Shepard tells herself once he’s out of sight.

But her body betrays her, as it so often does: shoulders locked tight, fists clenched at her sides, jaw so tight she half-expects her teeth to crack. A slight glow of blue permeates around her as her biotics flare.

And then out of nowhere the memories come fast, almost as though someone has pressed play on a vid in her mind. Some things are so vivid, so painfully clear, they could put Thane’s eidetic memory to shame. Meeting Zaeed on Omega, that first flicker of attraction that gave her pause for the first time in years. Countless missions she fought through with him by her side. Saving his life with a reach of her hand as they'd slid down those toppling platforms in the Collector base. Him saving her life with a reach of his hand as she leapt to the Normandy upon their escape and almost missed the jump. The nights spent tangled together, in her cabin, in his cot on the engineering deck, desperate touches and hushed words neither of them would ever dare repeat in daylight.

And now all she’s left with is his goddamn indifference.

She exhales sharply, but before she can let that frustration settle, another thought strikes her. Garrus.

The difference is staggering. Like night and day, even despite how similar the three of them are in so many ways. From the start, there was no guesswork with Garrus, no hesitation. Even in the early days of their friendship, she'd felt a kinship with him she hadn't felt with another since her Alliance training days.

With Garrus, there’s never been an unknown. No doubt. No question. "You realise this plan has me walking into hell too," he'd joked when he'd joined her on the Collector mission a year ago. And yet he stayed. His loyalty has been absolute, unmatched. And that has always been enough. More than enough.

She can't deny that Zaeed challenges her, makes her feel alive. Garrus does, too. But the difference between the two men is that Garrus also soothes her, grounds her when she feels like she's back floating over Alchera again, tethers her when she feels like she's sinking beneath the weight of the galaxy's expectations. And at a time like this that's not just what she wants: it's what she needs.

She drags in a single deep breath, and the blue glow dissipates as quickly as it came.

It's better this way.

[dairsmuids]

@anli-rambles @ladysaturnsdust @pocketmegan @mentallymaroon fate put us all in different countries but geography will not quell my eternal love for you 😤

always worth it <3

[justiceforjumin]

Hesitating on publishing the next chat because I can't choose whether I go literal or liberal with the translation... literal would be more accurate and prevent misunderstandings but it would lose SO MUCH meaning whereas liberal could cause misunderstandings but retain its overall meaning... the age old translator's dilemma