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dizzydancingdreamer · 4 years ago

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Steve Rogers, The Man On Fire

Hey y'all, as Pride month draws to a close I would like to post this fic. It's been in my drafts for a month and I finally today found the motivation to finish it. This is special to me for many reasons, one of which being that I'm proudly a part of this community. Some of the anger written in is my own. I think a lot of people will resonate with it. I really hope you all enjoy this and happy Pride Month <3

This was based loosely off a headcannon and once I re-find it I will credit!

Synopsis: Steve is freshly thawed, queer, and pissed | A.k.a. Steve's experience in 21st Century America

Characters: Steve Rogers, Mentions of Bucky Barnes, (loosely a Stucky fic but Steve thinks he's dead here)

Warnings: Angst but not bad, Steve Rogers being volatile and chaotic (we love), poorly written accents (I literally read this with an accent in my head), literally a 2k monologue

Word count: 5.1k

Steve Rogers came out of the ice angry.

No— not angry— Steve Rogers came out of the ice fuckin’ furious.

He came out of the ice with his hands curled into two fists, with his jaw clenched so hard his teeth were liable to snap, and with a bone to pick with every damn reporter and historian and too loud opinion on this side of the Brooklyn Bridge.

He came out simmering— no, erupting— like the serum in his blood couldn’t keep his body from hibernation all those years ago but it sure as hell won’t keep him from setting the entirety of New York on fire now. He’ll burn it all down if he has to and rebuild it the way he remembers it— the way Bucky would have remembered it— and at the end of it all no one— not the bigots or deniers or the homophobes that seem to be the only thing that came with him from the forties— will be able to say that Captain America can’t love whoever he wants.

No one will be able to say that Steve Rogers didn’t love James “Bucky” “the man I’ve loved since twelve years old” Barnes with everything he had and then some.

No one.

So he starts with the museums in Washington— because sure it isn’t New York but where else would a relic like himself belong more?

He still has hope when he enters the building. They didn’t make them like this when he was a kid— they had science fairs in the town hall and culture fairs in the backstreets near the docks but never anything this grand. No tall marble pillars or enough stairs to make him wonder if he would have been able to climb to the top when he was half the size he is now. It’s strange. It’s kind of wonderful. Yeah, the Smithsonian museums make Steve Rogers feel small for the first time in a very long time and that gives him hope.

That hope doesn’t last long, though, because soon he’s wandering through the halls, following the signs that say Captain America: The First Avenger— what the hell is an Avenger? Is that what they’re calling soldiers these days? Now he feels small and old.

Turning the corner is like landing on another planet, one devoted entirely to him. His picture is everywhere he looks, his name is in lights, even his damn uniform has been replicated and presented on a little stage and he hates it. The rage is back, sparking at his fingers— he’s a match and lucky for everyone this building is made of stone because if it wasn’t he’s sure it would be reduced to nothing but ash by now.

It only worsens as he begins reading through the plaques and the paragraphs flashing across screens on the walls— he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to that. The more he reads, though, the more he wonders if the stone is really, truly safe from the fire in his blood. He doesn’t think it is.

He surely isn’t at least— he feels like he’s going to explode. This isn’t him— none of this is him. War hero. Martyr. Golden boy. He has to stop reading that plaque— clearly no one did their research. Clearly no one dug up his medical files— or his police records. Brawls at the pub, disorderly conduct behind Mr. De Luca’s sandwich shop, public nudity at the beach that one time— thank you Bucky for the best night of his god damn life. Golden boy— ha.

Golden nobody with the black eye and broken hand is more like it.

For a moment he thinks he’s fine— he thinks it can’t get worse than this. Then he gets to the early life section and for an even longer moment his tongue tastes like gunpowder.

Steven Grant Rogers grew up in the streets of Brooklyn alongside his friend James Buchanan Barnes—

He can’t bring himself to finish the sentence— not when they already got the most important part wrong. Friend. Friend? No, no, no. No! There are a million words in the english language that Steve could use to describe Bucky and ‘friend’ will never be the first one.

How about best friend?

How about partner in crime?

How about soulmate who loved Steve so much that every night for the past forty-eight days since he woke up in an era that Bucky doesn’t exist in he’s cried himself to sleep with the same cherry cola taste of his ‘friend’ on his tongue.

It’s the final straw— Steve loses it.

“Anyone got a marker?”

The museum is quiet before he speaks but when his voice— steadily rising and taking on that New York headiness that his troops used to jazz him about— cuts through the exhibit— his fuckin’ exhibit— it’s silent. It’s dead, almost as dead as Buck— Nobody dares move a muscle as he rips his ball cap off his head and throws it at the statue of himself. Everyone knows who he is— everyone is going to know who he is so help him god.

“I said—” he tries again— “does anyone have a marker?”

It takes a moment for the people around him to pick their jaws up off the floor and he allows them that moment with a smug grin starting to tug on the corners of his lips. Finally— they’re starting to get it.

He’s not a hero; he’s a supernova of every scrawny, queer kid who’s ever gotten beaten to a pulp for kissing who they want.

Maybe then it’s fitting that the marker— when it’s finally produced and placed in his waiting palm— comes from a teenage girl with a shaved head and a blue, pink, and purple denim jacket and a busted lip. She doesn’t say much— only a mumbled here you go— but her eyes say everything that her words don’t. Give em’ hell, Cap. For the first time since waking up he flashes a genuine grin back— yeah, this one’s for you kid.

Steve wastes no time uncapping the sharpie— he’ll look that one up later— and scratching out the error. The blasphemy to his unholy name. It takes him a little longer to decide what to write in its place. There are a million words, sure, but somehow none of them feel right at this moment. None of them are enough. That’s something he’ll have to come to terms with later, though— how much nothing feels like enough anymore without Bucky.

Finally Steve settles on a word and he scribbles it as neatly as he can given the fact that he hasn’t had to write anything in eighty years. When he takes a step back, feeling alive for the first time since waking up, he beckons over the girl with the shaved head and points to the place where he’s taken it upon himself to correct history.

“Hey kid, why don’t you go ahead and read that outloud for everyone here.”

He allows another moment— this time because she deserves the time it takes for her eyes to light up and the smile to stretch across her bruised mouth.

Steve laughs— a rusted, croaky laugh; another first in forever— when her head whips around, facing him as she loudly proclaims: “It says boyfriend. Steve Rogers grew up in the streets of Brooklyn alongside his boyfriend Bucky Barnes!”

“Damn right I did—” he mutters to the kid before taking a step towards the crowd of gaping mouths. “Did you all hear that? Don’t worry if ya’ didn’t— I’ll say it one more time. Boyfriend. Bucky was my boyfriend and if he was here today he would be my husband. If any of you have a problem with that then feel free to take it up with me. I took on half of Brooklyn for that man and I’ll do it again.”

When no one says anything Steve nods, turning to hand the girl back her marker and to thank her— he may be angry but he hasn’t lost all his manners— but when he looks at her she doesn’t look back. Instead she takes the same step forward that he had, one of her hands balled into a tiny, shaking fist at her side and the other wrapped around a cell phone that’s pointed towards the crowd. He doesn’t understand the mechanics but he thinks she’s recording.

“You hear that?” She parrots the super soldier with a wavering but fierce voice. “Captain America likes men! And none of you can deny it!”

This time it’s his mouth that drops, watching as she shakily turns the camera off and spins back around. Before Steve can say anything, though, she’s talking again, this time hastier, and he can’t help but think that she sounds so much like him. All flushed and scrawny and pissed.

“I’m sorry, I’ll delete the recording if you want but, I jus’ know these bigots are gonna’ try and cover everything up and that would be a fuckin’ shame. I don’t know if you know how many kids need to hear this. I did— and I think they should too. Only if you want, of course.”

He doesn’t answer right away— he can’t. It’s like looking at himself at fifteen. Suddenly he’s back again, his feet hanging in the water as his boyfriend paces behind him, asking if he’s ready to have him look at his knuckles yet. He didn’t get that many good punches in— the scrapes are mostly from the pavement— but Buck always worries too much so it doesn’t matter. The protective idiot.

Steve shakes his head, blinking away the sunset lingering behind his eyes. “Bucky woulda’ loved you, kid.”

The next time he loses it— the next time he turns into more flame than man— is after he saves the city he’s been trying to burn down for three months.

It isn’t long after that day in the museum when Nick Fury decides it would be best for everyone if Steve goes back into the field. Of course, no one really asks him what he wants— they pretty much just shove a new suit into his hands and tell him to get training, Captain— but what else is new?

No one really comments on his outburst besides that either. Can you really call it an outburst when you’re just trying to reclaim the parts of you that have been stolen? Sure, the press gets a hold of the story and, true to what the kid had said, tries to twist it into something more digestible, but no one actually addresses it up with Steve. Apparently when someone saves the world as good as he does no one cares that they kiss men.

Or that they don’t wanna’ to actually save the world anymore.

See, in those three months— between the training and training and even more training that Steve Rogers begrudgingly obliges— he has time to catch up on the world. More importantly, he has time to catch up on what the world thinks of him. He scours a plethora of documentaries, scholarly essays, and whole books of information about his time as Captain America. Well— his time as Captain America when it mattered. In all his scouring he learns one thing: everything written about him is wrong.

It’s all so fuckin’ wrong.

Just why the hell would he want to save a world so bent on destroying who he is?

The Smithsonian exhibition was nothing compared to what’s been written in the eighty years he spent in the ice. Better yet, nothing compared to what hasn’t been written about him. They’ve taken an eraser to every part of his life that doesn’t fit with the golden image that they constructed for him. A.k.a. every part that matters. His relationship, his past, every little thing that made him supposedly perfect for the role he was given. Gone. Erskine told him he was a good man— apparently he was the only one who thought so.

Apparently being a good man isn’t good enough.

They only wanted the perfect soldier. Yeah, well, they had one and they fucked him over too. Don’t even get him started on what they did to Bucky— Steve doesn’t want to think about what Winnifred— Winnie for short— Barnes would do if she saw the history books erasing her baby’s Jewish roots. Or his relationship. It wouldn’t be pretty, that’s for damn sure. If ever there was someone more protective than Bucky it would have been his mother. Not that there’s a damn note about her in anything either though.

Maybe that’s the final straw that does him in this time— watching the place that Mrs. Barnes loved more than almost anything else in the world crumble, while also knowing that the world no longer gives a shit about the two people she loved more.

“Mr. Rogers, this is where you grew up, is it not? Is there anything you would like to say about what took place here in your home city today?”

Maybe he pretends not to hear the last part— maybe he really does only hear up until where the reporter asks him if there is anything he wants to say. He’s been around quite his fair share of explosions; it would make sense that his hearing is a little off. Maybe he just doesn’t care anymore, though.

Scratch that— he definitely doesn’t care anymore.

And why the fuck should he? He does have something to say and propriety be damned he’s going to say it.

Steve stares into the crowd of faceless reporters and flashing cameras with a scowl on his grimey face. Around him stand the other Avengers— his ‘team’. The last time he had a team the historians screwed up the history for every single member. Dugan, Morita, Falsworth, Jones, Dernier, Sawyer, Juniper, Pinkerton. Barnes. All of them were brave men with families and sacrifices and all of them were treated like jokes by ‘reporters’ just like the ones in front of him now. He really doubts there’s a difference between old and new journalism.

The only difference is that now he’s here and this time he’s not going to let them write anything but the damn truth.

“It is—” Steve muses, brushing the sweaty hair from his forehead— “I’m surprised you know that though.”

The reporter cocks his head, clearly confused, and it makes the super soldier’s blood boil. “Come again, sir?”

“I said I’m surprised you know where I was born, kid.” This time when he says the word— kid— it’s derogatory. “Ya’ know, considering how you all seem to know nothing about me otherwise.”

Steve almost smiles at the way the crowd tenses. He actually would if it weren’t for the white hot rage coursing through his veins, mingling with the last of the adrenaline leftover in his system. It gives him an extra kick— not that he needs it. Even when he was just a runt from the wrong side of the tracks he needed nothing more than an offhand comment to raise his fists. Fighting to Steve Rogers has always been intoxicating— the aftershocks of winning the battle just makes it more thrilling now.

Who knew, right?

“Sir I asked—” The reporter sputters and Steve simply holds a hand up, silencing him before he can start again.

“Yeah I know what you asked, alright. You want me to talk about the battle here in New York today and how I am more than happy to have risked my life to save it. But I can’t do that, kid. Because I didn’t save it for you. I didn’t save it for any of you.”

Steve feels his team tense— maybe were it any other time he would stop talking. He would just leave it, let the issue go, because Bucky would tell him too. They aren’t worth it, bruiser, he would say, they aren’t worth your blood. Maybe he would listen to his boyfriend because usually he was right. Bucky was always right. So yeah, maybe he would list—

Who is he kidding; he knows he wouldn’t.

Not then and certainly not now— not when Bucky isn’t here to defend himself against everything Steve has been reading about. That’s exactly why he doesn’t stop talking. Someone has to defend him and who better of a person than him? So, yeah, he keeps going, even when he hears footsteps behind him.

“You wanna’ know who I did save it for? James Barnes, that’s who I saved it for! You see, just around that corner there is a bookstore. Rickley Books. That was my boyfriend's favourite bookstore. You know, the man who gave his life to stop a train in Austria from reaching the enemies? Yeah that was him. That train was filled with supplies. Had it reached their headquarters, who knows if we’d be standing here today. If there would be a New York at all. Not that you would know that. But who cares about that dead sergeant from the 107th, right? There’s plenty just like him.”

Steve shrugs nonchalantly— a move he picked up from the very man he’s speaking about— but he spits his words at the reporters with enough venom to cancel out any peace that the action brings. That’s his own move.

He keeps going. “You know who else I saved it for? His mother. Yeah, his mother Winnie Barnes. Wonderful lady. She used to run a soup kitchen a couple blocks from here. Kept the rift raft like myself from going hungry most nights— I was a brawler, you know.”

A couple of reporters in the crowd laugh at that and Steve flinches, his vision tinting red as he cranes his neck, seeking them out.

“Oh you think that’s funny, do you? You think I’m joking? I’m not. You ever been backed into a corner, son? Had people hurl slurs at you that I can’t even repeat today? Ever been beaten up for loving your best friend? No, I bet you haven’t. You weren’t a queer kid in the thirties. That’s hard— that’s borderline impossible actually. I only made it because of people like Winnie Barnes. That woman was a saint but nobody talks about her either.”

Steve has to take a deep breath, clearing the rasp in his voice that rises as he dwells on the woman he called his second mother for so long. She wasn’t just a saint, she was an angel. He can’t cry here though, not now. Not even as his throat begins to tighten.

“Winnie was the type of lady who didn’t let anyone walk over the little people. She used to sit me down and say Stevie you gotta’ fight for what you want because ain’t nobody gonna’ give it to you. She told me that I shouldn’t have to but that there were going to be people who would try to tear me down just for being me. And she was right— just like her son— because that was the era, you know? But now, here in the twenty-first century, you’re all still trying to tear us down.”

A hand lands on his shoulder, small fingers tugging at where his suit has begun to tear. Natasha Romanoff. He meets her gaze quickly, neck craning to stare down the red head, and in the few seconds their eyes meet it’s like Bucky is next to him. Somehow the blue in her irises catches the falling sun just like his used to. Steve can hear the gruff of his voice in the depths of his mind. Back down, bruiser. The sentiment is echoed across Nat’s face.

Steve shakes her hand off him, turning back to the reporters— don’t they know that he can’t?

“You all say you care about me, huh? That I’m a hero? You know nothing about me— you don’t want to. Before I was a soldier I was a kid. A queer kid. I said that already but let me repeat it. Queer. Did you write that down? None of you certainly did before. That’s how I know that you don’t care— because in an age where being queer is infinitely more accepted you still don’t bother to write it down.”

He pauses for another breath, shutting his eyes against the blinking red lights of the cameras. They’re like little demons, always watching his every move. Recording. Everything’s always recorded these days. Will he ever be used to that? Bucky was the technology guy, not him. Not then and not now.

When Steve picks up again— eyes open and shoulders freshly straight— it’s on a new note— a clear note.

“You don’t care about me— you certainly don’t care about the real heroes of the war because if you did you wouldn’t erase our history. Do you know how much it would have meant to Bucky to see our relationship accepted? The man who died for you? How much it would’ve meant to his mother? You can’t just pick which of our stories and our sacrifices are worthy and which aren't.”

He hasn’t spoken this much since he’s woken up, not all at once at least. Maybe he should have, though— maybe if he had then he wouldn’t feel like ripping the heads off everyone in front of him right now. Call it fight or flight. Call it revenge. Hell, call it whatever you’d like because it doesn’t really matter. Either way he feels like a kid again— again— backed into a corner behind the deli with his fists up and his teeth bared.

He feels feral again.

“So now you just want me to save the world like I did— like Bucky did— all those years ago— or maybe jus’ New York— as if that’s any better— and you don’t even bother to write a proper article about me? Hell, I never even asked for an article, let alone a whole exhibit! I’m just a soldier— and before that I was just a kid. If there’s never another article written about me I’ll be grateful. But now that I’m here, standing in front of you, I’ll say this—”

Just as Steve’s voice is cresting into a shout that would no doubt be heard regardless of whether or not the microphones were in front of him, Natasha tries one more time, her fingers slipping between his.

Her voice is a dull buzz compared to his, only reaching his ears by sheer will. “C’mon Stevie— we gotta’ go now.”

Like before he’s stunned but this time instead of seeing Buck— instead of hearing him in his head— he hears Winnie.

You fought good, honey. You fought good for us. You can rest now.

It’s jarring and it’s not lost on him the handful of awkward seconds that it takes for him to respond. That’s just the effect Winnie had on people though— still has, apparently. Steve shakes his head— I know, mama. But I gotta’ finish this fight.

“No, Nat— I’ve got to say this.” Steve mumbles— voice just beginning to waver despite how hard he clenches his jaw— before sneering at the crowd one last time.

“If I ever read an article from any of you that discredits Bucky Barnes, our relationship, or myself just know that I’ll come for you. I’ll come for this city. Don’t you ever forget who I saved it for. James Barnes, Winnie Barnes, and every queer kid who’s ever felt erased because of people like you. The bigots in the forties couldn’t stop me. The Nazis couldn’t stop me. Not even the Atlantic Ocean could stop me. So don’t think for a second that any of you could either. Have a good day.”

With that Captain America turns, marching off the impromptu stage and beginning the trek back to his apartment. He doesn’t bother looking at his team as he passes them— he can imagine their stunned faces well enough on his own. No doubt he’ll be getting another assignment from Fury soon enough to make up for this ‘outburst’ too. Still, he feels a little bit better. There’s an ache in his shoulder, and one under his ribs too, but he still smiles as he passes Rickman and Sons Books. That must mean something good.

The last time Steve Rogers burns he doesn’t burn the way he’s expecting to— he doesn’t vandalize his own name or blow up at a reporter. No, the third time— the final time— that Steve Rogers burns it’s with nostalgia— and with a damn good cup of coffee in his hand.

“I had no idea this place was even here.” The girl across from Steve muses, tiny hands shifting the steaming cup back and forth.

Her name is Ellie, he learned that back at the museum after asking for a copy of the video she took. He barely knew how to use his phone back then, let alone his email— hell, both still confuse him more often than not— but she had been patient. A little awestruck and a little riled up too but he took it in stride— easily. It’s not hard being nice to the spitting image of him.

“I’m glad I’m good for something other than making the news.” Steve chuckles and this time he means it— there’s no malice or ill intent, only humor. “O’Malley’s ‘s been here longer than I have. Looked a little different then—” he takes a moment to let his eyes wander the old coffee shop and it’s new appliances— a moment to feel his age catch up to him— “but I guess I did too.”

Ellie’s laughter joins in there and it’s strange— strange that he hasn’t laughed with another person in seven, almost eight, months; strange that her laughs sound so much like Bucky’s when they were younger; strange that Bucky isn’t here to hear. Here to laugh, too. Because he would have.

He would have called Steve an old man, would have wrapped his arm around his shoulders, would have asked— no, demanded— that Ellie try the plum cobbler. They always made the best cobbler. Bucky always had the best laugh. All grit and breath and him. Steve feels warm just thinking about it.

“Well thanks for letting me in on the secret, I’ll make sure to guard it carefully.” She even has Bucky’s warm sarcasm.

Maybe it’s not so much like looking in a mirror as it is looking at what he wishes he and his boyfriend could have been back then.

“And thanks for letting me interview you—” Ellie continues, setting the cup down but not before nodding at it, her eyes wide— “wow. You weren’t kidding about the joe, huh? Anyway— thanks for scheduling this. I know you’re probably super busy— and that there are more well established people you could have gone to.”

Steve sets his own mug down too— if he hadn’t there’s a possibility it would be more puddle than porcelain. “Well established means nothin’, kid. Not when you don’t have heart. They’re parasites, all of ‘em. The press couldn’t care less about me.”

Ellie nods, lifting the lid of her laptop. It’s a little bit dented and slathered in stickers, not quite the newest model— he would know, he has the newest one and it’s still sitting in his apartment in the box. Yet another testament to how little the people around him truly know him.

“Welcome to the twenty-first century, can I get you a side of classism with that commercialism?”

Now she sounds like Winnie too.

“Say, has anyone ever told you that you’re funny?”

She shrugs, tilting her head, a lopsided grin glued to her face. “Once or twice— I never know if they mean it or if they just want me to shut up. I never do so I guess we’ll never know.”

Steve sputters out another laugh because; “I guess we’re the same then— never give them a moment, kid. That’s the best advice I can give you.” He pauses— again— he supposes it’s going to be a day of pausing— he supposes it’s about time he pauses— before adding, “Bucky would’ve scolded me for saying that.”

Ellie’s fingers, swift and deft over the machine— Steve hadn’t even seen her begin to type— pause too as her smile softens. “What would he have said instead?”

Her question shouldn’t catch off guard— this is why he asked her to meet him; to finally, properly write his story— their story. Still he pauses— Steve’s empty hands feel hot, his shoulders warm; bare— what would he have said? It doesn’t take long to hear his boyfriend’s voice, not there but somehow loud in his ear all the same.

Just relax— they aren’t worth it. It’s too nice out to care about anything but the water— are you coming in or not? Summer doesn’t last forever, you know?

It’s impossible but Steve can feel the sun on his back and on his ears again, like he’s there— like he’s back, sixteen and on fire. Those were the days where everything made him cold. The days where his skin burned no matter the season but especially in August which was when the ocean was warm enough to swim in. It never stopped him from joining Buck— nothing could have stopped him. His cheeks warm, too, at the thought.

Steve blinks, his own smile— perhaps a little lopsided in it’s own right— shaping over his mouth. “He would have told you to relax— and to try the plum cobbler. It’s fantastic.”

With another giggle— and a reiterated comment— has anyone ever told you you’re funny, Steve?— they fall into a conversation, just a kid and a relic, about life. It’s not an easy conversation— but then again those kinds never are. It’s real, though, and unedited. Unfiltered. Just the way Erskine and Winnie and Bucky would have liked it— the only way Steve wants it. It’s not perfect but, hell, Steve has never been perfect.

He’s never wanted to be.

Maybe Steve doesn’t know everything his boyfriend would say— and maybe he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t blow up once or twice after today— but he can confidently say that he gave Brooklyn a run for her money— twice— and lived to tell the tale. He can say then when it mattered, he burned. That he still burns. That he will until he doesn’t— until he’s extinguished.

But, hey, though Summer doesn’t last forever, not even the Atlantic could extinguish the flame that is Steve Rogers.

That’s what he writes— in Sharpie— on the card he writes to Ellie— the one attached to the computer he knows he’ll never use.

#Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes #Stucky #steve x bucky #Queer!steve rogers #Queer!Steve #Queer!Bucky #Queer!Bucky Barnes #Captain America #pride month #Steve angst #steve fluff #Marvel cinematic universe #Mcu #mcu fic #steve fic

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corpsentry · 5 years ago

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behind the taylor swift gundam was in fact another, smaller gundam: a brief inquiry into the events of june 2020

so back in june this year june and i got together and we made this motherfucker of a story with this motherfucker of a thread to keep track of it all. but you already know that! and i’ve already got one foot and three elbows in my grave, so i’ll spare you the long-winded stuff. you wanna know how i wrote 93,035 words in 4 weeks? i’ll tell you how i wrote 93,035 words in 4 weeks-

-by linking you guys to copies of my planning documents because i feel like those words speak louder than any words i can offer in the present day. these are long documents. but they are also historical artifacts. very interesting. very weird. very, uh, full of cussing. so anyway, here’s

BIG DADDY: THE ORIGINAL PLANNING DOCUMENT

for those, like me, who have no motivation left in life to do anything and rely on summaries from others to acquire new knowledge, it all started with a single line.

prince of a fallen kingdom atsumu tries to kill hinata but falls in love with him instead

june, april something, 2020

with that in mind i tested the concept out with a few paragraphs of text, which you can find at the bottom of the Big Daddy document in the graveyard segment, accidentally sold my soul to the image of hinata with epaulettes, and then worked backwards, structuring an entire plot around two images:

a) hinata getting the shit beat out of him, with snark b) hinata and atsumu dancing in an empty ballroom under the stars

if you want a betrayal, you have to have something worth losing. if you want to fall in love with someone you don’t know, you have to meet them. if you have to meet them, there has to be a reason for that meeting, and so somewhere in between atsumu became a sword instructor and hinata the prince with daddy issues. june and i used this method of glancing anxiously over your shoulder to see what you’d missed to fill out the blanks in the story, after which i tacked up a bunch of post-its, typed out the plot, consulted june, typed out the plot again, and then broke the characters down into a bunch of questions, like ‘what do they want?’ and ‘what do they have?’ and ‘what are they afraid of?’

with the plot more or less ironed out, i decided it was time to start writing, and then i decided that i was actually too scared to start writing after all, so instead i set a couple of timers using classroomtimers.com (15-20 minutes long) and i sat down and i wrote about the world that hinata and atsumu inhabited.

each warm-up was 300-500 words long, and for the first few days, i’d write one before getting into writing the story proper. later these evolved into simply picking a scene from the story and launching straight into it, which became useful for opening those scenes later when i got to them organically.

then i got lazy! so i stopped. but these shitty little exercises were really useful for me because, unfettered by plot, convention, or any kind of tradition hovering over my shoulder, i was able to fuck around loosely enough to realize what i wanted this story to be. it was a very contrived kind of trial-and-error, an exploration of the characters, the story, but most importantly, the tone.

RESEARCH, PLANNING, AND VICTORIAN BOUGIE FASHION

this is a loose map of the castle and Important Locations within it, which i drew up at the start so i could keep track of where everything was and how i could get my characters from point A to point B. i wanted the story to have Some kind of internal logic, you know, even if that logic amounted to ‘a compass would function normally in this world whereas kageyama tobio would not’.

99% of my planning and organizing within those five weeks took place in this lovely dotted cat journal which my sister gave me for my birthday and i repurposed into a metaphorical Diary of Suffering while working on juno. i used it for everything from keeping track of narrative threads to clothing consistency checks, but the main purpose was this: each day at about 10 pm i’d crack open the cat book to a fresh page, stamp the date and the day of suffering at the top, and then write down a list of things i wanted to write, address, or fix today. then i’d sit at my laptop and write like a madman until about 7 in the morning. with breaks, of course, for sitting in the bathroom and staring at the wall and sitting in the kitchen and staring at the wall, but mostly i was writing. and complaining about writing. you were there, you probably remember that.

anyway, here are some pages from the cat book.

aside from the fact that my handwriting is complete shit, you can see that i made zero effort for any of this to be presentable. it was mainly a way for me to keep track of my thoughts because i have the attention span of an ikea wardrobe and tend to forget things as soon as i think of them. the lack of structure also mirrored the way that i went about writing juno. while i did proceed, for the most part, in chronological order, i had a lot of weird and useless revelations during lunch, which by this point was happening around 2 am, and in the 5 minutes before the exhaustion finally hit and carried me down to hell. i changed A Lot. again, to understand exactly how much the story evolved from day one onwards, please consult the big daddy document.

in the meantime, here’s something else.

once june sent over hinata and atsumu’s character designs i sat down like the fucking fool i am and spent 2 hours poring over a document about victorian and other fashion movements of the past so i could assign a noun, adjective, and verb to each element of their outfits. i don’t know why i did this. i certainly could have not, but i attempted to make sense of their ‘fits from a logistical perspective and that went into the cat book too. everything went into the cat book. the cat book is a relic of the past now, stuffed with artifacts such as the birth of oikawa tooru, and also his demise.

MEDIUM DADDY: EDITING, PROOFREADING, AND CREEPY MURDER CATS

i finished writing on june 26th, 2020, approximately a month after i’d first started planning, somewhere around may 27th or 28th. at that point i had about 90,000 words’ worth of story and no sanity left whatsoever, so i took a day-long break to stare at a wall and listen to taylor swift’s enchanted on loop.

and then i made a new document, which you can look at using the link above, and i laid out everything i had to do. i’d discovered a fuck ton of plot inconsistencies and general errors while writing and lying awake in bed at 9 a.m., sleepless in seattle, and now that i was free of the demon egging me towards the first finish line, it was time to Deal with them. i speed-scrolled through the draft, which was 200+ pages compressed into one google doc, because i like to tempt god’s wrath, and fixed up all the plot issues over the course of a few days. this was the fun part.

the actual, hard editing was the extremely un-fun part. i reread the entire thing, paragraph by paragraph, line by damn line, from start to finish, paying especially close attention to awkward phrasing, incomplete dialogue, and moments which had fallen flat in my haste to get on to the next one. this was really fucking terrible. i spent more time lying facedown on the floor than actually editing anything, but after a long time (about a week), that, too was done.

SMALL DADDY: TITLES, SUMMARIES, AND GOOD FUCKING BYES

i spent a good eighty days thinking about the title, though hilariously enough we ended up with something that was a blend of our names. june + elmo = juno, which is, all things considered, pretty perfect, but the process of picking the title was Hell, and i Did Not Come Up With The Title until about 2 hours before posting. you can take a look at the haphazard clusterfuck of my title-selecting process in small daddy, which is linked above.

so the title was a last-minute choice. so was the summary. and the chapter divisions. and actually all the songs in the playlist for juno. the day we dropped juno onto planet earth like a newborn baby pitched out of the sky, i spent an hour hunched over my laptop, cutting my 213 page google doc into chapters based on nothing more than a Vibe. two days before that, i also attempted to voice-act the entirety of juno, an affair which ended at the 20,000 word mark with a sore throat and the kind of exhaustion one typically wants to sleep in a coffin for 23 years to get rid of. so in all honesty, i did very little editing, which is why there are definitely minor typos and/or mistakes hanging out somewhere on that chunky ao3 webpage. but whatever.

my attitude by july 5th (was it july 5th? or 4th? somewhere around there) was basically whatever. anything so i could get finish this damn thing, chuck it out of the window, and never see another google doc until the next century. i’ve been asked a few times how exactly i wrote at a rate of roughly 2000-3000 words per day for four weeks straight, and my answer has always been this: i died. what died, you ask? my soul. my spirit. my Will To Live. i’m a creature of fixations, and juno was my fixation for june. will i ever be able to do this again? would i recommend this experience to anyone? is god real? the answer to all of the above is probably no. juno was a fever dream, and so is my cat book. and so are all the lattes i had. and so was my 9 am to 4 pm sleep schedule.

but what we made is real. the research, oikawa tooru, the 4 am conversations in which i was like ‘how the fuck do i end this’ and june was like ‘jade proposal’ (the proposal was her idea. all rise for twitter user atsuhinas. she is the mastermind behind all of the Inch Resting moments in this story; i just flapped a korok leaf in her direction and made sure the air circulation was working properly) are real as fuck, and looking back, there’s a lot i’d change, but i’m lazy. and college is starting. and anyway, i did write 93,035 words in just under five weeks, four if you don’t count the week of Editing Hell, so i think that’s pretty cool.

thank you for reading this to the end, and for following us on our journey through the enigmatic taylor swift gundam fic which quite literally consumed my entire twitter account for the five weeks i spent working on it. retrospectively speaking i really was butt-obsessed so i am frankly incredibly impressed with everyone around me for putting up with a Husk of a Man for a month. thank you for doing that. thank you for indulging my vague tweeting, and our butterfly dns, and for reading 93 thousand words of gay fanfiction set in a high fantasy world with epaulettes and galettes. on behalf of june, once again, we are incredibly grateful for all your support.

if you have any questions about specific aspects of the writing process, or anything you’d like to know in general with reference to JUNO, feel free to drop me an ask through my tumblr inbox, or through my curiouscat over here. i’m aware i didn’t cover everything, but there’s frankly too much to put in a tumblr post without passing away somewhere around the 56% mark, so let me know what’s on your mind, and i’ll try to answer that to the best of my abilities. but anyway, before i go, here are some

TAKEAWAYS

one: don’t try to write 93,000 words in five weeks. seriously don’t fucking do it you will end up jittery and sleep-deprived and you will leave all your friends on read for a month. pace yourself. set realistic goals. you wrote 2k this week? that’s fantastic. you wrote 4k in a day? you absolute motherfucker. i hope you’re taking a long fucking break tomorrow. your story will not run away from you, but if you run too fast, you will get tired, and then you will pass away.

two: you don’t have to know everything about your story before you start writing. in fact if you have a single camera shot of two characters holding hands under a rose garden awning, i think that’s fucking wonderful. if you look at big daddy, you’ll realize that my initial plot draft, and all the ones following that, are not perfectly aligned with the final version of juno. i improvised over half of the scenes in this motherfucker, and to be completely honest, some of the improvised scenes were the best. fucking oikawa tooru was improvised out of nowhere. he only got written in way later, around chapter 8 or something, because i realized i needed a plot device and a source of information to keep the playing table from toppling over. i Sat Down one day and was like ‘okay, it’s time to write oikawa into the introduction. because he matters now. he didn’t matter last week but now he does, and soon he’s going to be the fulcrum of the entire story, because it’s like that with oikawa tooru’. it’s okay to change your mind halfway. it’s okay to go back and rewrite entire scenes or segments. it’s okay to highlight 4 pages of fresh, sentimental writing, and hit delete. writing is a fluid process, and you Will make discoveries as you progress through your story alongside your characters. be understanding of that iterative process. be kind to yourself.

three: You Are That Motherfucker. you, me, your dog, your dog’s friend, your dog’s enemy, all of us are that motherfucker. i never thought i’d be able to write anything longer than the great big map, which was a much simpler, linear story in which the other main character did not appear in the current timeline until like the eighth chapter. juno was different. juno was the motherfucker, and i was scared shitless of it, and to cope with that fear joked constantly while writing that it’d never see the light of day.

but it did. it was a rocky process, and i was awake for 48 hours after posting it because of the sheer adrenalin stuck in my skull, but i got through it. and i wouldn’t have been able to do it without june, who stepped in when i flopped over facedown on the floor and dragged me to my feet like the badass friend she is, and without everyone else in my life, who put up with me talking about The Thing that i couldn’t really talk about, but juno’s up there now. forever, or until the internet collapses and civilization goes extinct. and if the nineteen year old clown with the attention span of an ikea armchair and an a level certificate from hell wrote the 93,000 word long thing, so can you. i mean this completely unironically and with every ounce of genuine emotion i can summon from the cracked asshole of my heart.

writing is hard. writing is scary. writing is an investigation of the world around you and therefore, by extension, yourself, and that kind of honesty is freaky. it’s like going skinny-dipping next to the president’s mansion. who’s going to see you? what if they take a photo? what if you lose your spot at university?

but don’t think about that. our world is overrun with stories the way cereal bowls are full of cereal, but it’s those stories that keep us all sane in the disgusting day-to-day muck of reality, so think about your story. what’s haunting you today? what message do you want to leave printed in font size 666 comic sans across the southern hemisphere of the planet? what will you be tomorrow?

a writer. you’re going to be a motherfucking writer.

#my stuff

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freyayuki · 5 years ago

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Final Fantasy Record Keeper 5th Anniversary Present Relic Draw

The Final Fantasy Record Keeper (#ad) (FFRK) mobile game’s 5th Anniversary has finally begun.

Again, this is another one of those fairly recent old drafts. Since I’m scheduling these posts, by the time this gets published on my blog, FFRK’s 5th anniversary will be long over.

Anyway, as part of the game’s 5th Anniversary celebration, all players get a chance to pull on the Present Relic Draw banner.

5th Anniversary Present Relic Draw Banner Details

you get 1 free draw

you get 11 items from this draw

you’re guaranteed to get at least one 5-star or higher relic (weapons or armor) from this draw

after pulling, you can choose a bonus set of Awakening, Arcane Overstrike, and Legend Materia relics

there are 9 bonus sets to choose from

5th Anniversary Present Relic Draw Banner Pull

I was very disappointed with the results of my pull. I only got one gold item. The rest were worthless trash.

What I got was Raines’s Reprise (XIII), a 5-star rarity, light armor-type relic that gave me Cid Raines’ (from Final Fantasy XIII) Legend Materia Relic, Mouth of the Dead.

I have none of Cid’s Soul Breaks, making this item useless. I don’t even know if I’ve already recruited him or not, but getting this relic isn’t making me want to level him up and add him to my party.

So, yeah, this was a terrible pull. I wish I had gotten at least 1 6-star relic. Sigh. Ah, well. At least, this was a free draw. I’d be even more disappointed if I had to use myhtril and ended up with such crappy relics.

Bonus Relic Sets List

The available relics on the list belong to the following characters:

Terra Branford from Final Fantasy VI

Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy VIII

Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII

Ingus from Final Fantasy III

Shantotto from Final Fantasy XI

Tidus from Final Fantasy X

Cidolfus Orlandeau from Final Fantasy Tactics

Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII

Bartz Klauser from Final Fantasy V

As someone who is pretty new to Final Fantasy Record Keeper, I had none of the relics from any of the sets. When I first heard about the Present Relic Draw and saw which character sets were available, I had made up my mind to choose Cloud’s just because I like him.

But then the fire nation attacked Lucky Relic Draw for Awakening Soul Breaks happened. You could get at least one Awakening from pulling on this banner. I pulled and got exactly 1 Awakening, which turned out to be Cloud’s.

I don’t have his Arcane Overstrike or Legend Materia, but I think I’m better off getting another Awakening as opposed to a dupe, especially because, at the moment, I only have 4 Awakenings and that includes Cloud’s.

In short, I now have no idea which Bonus Relic set to pick. Hopefully, taking a closer look at each of them can help me decide.

Awakening Soul Breaks

From what I’ve seen so far, it seems that all offensive Awakenings deal either physical or magical elemental (for example, fire) and non-elemental damage.

The user is temporarily infused with the power of the elemental damage they just dealt. Elemental infusion is also referred to as en element or attach element. This has the following effects:

the basic attack command becomes the element you’ve been infused with

abilities that are of that element get a +50% damage boost

Soul Breaks that are of that element get a +80% damage boost

damage from that element gets reduced by 20%

They also get what is known as Awoken Mode, the effects of which depends on the character and their Awakening. For example, Genesis Rhapsodos (#ad) (from Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII) gets Awoken Fire Mode. See the pic above and below to see what this does.

Awakenings also increase the character’s Cap Break Level by 1. Cap Break Level is also known as Break Damage Cap, Break Damage Limit, or Overflow. This effect lets characters break the damage cap of 9999. Level 1 means the chara can deal up to 19999 damage.

Terra Branford from Final Fantasy VI

Terra Branford’s (#ad) Awakening deals magical fire and non-elemental damage and infuses her with the power of fire. It grants her Awoken Fire Mode, which gives her unlimited uses of fire abilities. It also lets her “enter Trance” although the game doesn’t specify exactly what this does.

Her Arcane Overstrike deals magical fire damage while her Legend Materia Relic gives her the chance to dualcast offensive fire abilities, which means she’ll sometimes be able to use her moves twice in one turn.

Seems pretty good, right? Plus, I actually like Terra. And yet I hesitate to pick her set. Why? The answer is because of Genesis Rhapsodos from Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII.

Genesis Rhapsodos is currently my absolute, most favorite Final Fantasy character. It was no coincidence that I started playing FFRK during the Ode to a Sundered World Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII event.

That’s the event that introduced him to the game as a playable and recruitable character. I went all in on the banner that featured all of his relics, and, thankfully, managed to get all of his weapons and armor.

Genesis’ main element is fire. I know it’s better to have more characters that cover the same element, especially since there are lots of difficult fights where it’s best to exploit the enemy’s elemental weakness to deal massive amounts of damage.

Besides, Genesis is a physical attacker while Terra is a magical one, so they don’t overlap much. Nevertheless, at the moment, I just don’t feel like picking Terra’s set.

If I get another fire DPS from a free draw or something, then I’m certainly not gonna say no to that, but, actively choosing another fire DPS? Yeah, no. Not gonna do that.

I have no intention of ever replacing Genesis. He’s always been in my party ever since I started playing FFRK and that’s not gonna change anytime soon. In fact, he’s the reason why I’m even playing this game in the first place.

I find myself really enjoying Final Fantasy Record Keeper because I get to use him all the time. I love having Genesis in my party and getting to use all his Soul Breaks and seeing his moves and animations and everything.

I feel that if I get Terra, I wouldn’t be happy at all. I feel that I’d just end up regretting that choice. And I might just end up not using her at all. In short, unfortunately, she’s out of this competition.

Anyway, she’s available in the Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia (DFFOO) mobile game, so I can just get her from there.

Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy VIII

Squall Leonhart’s (#ad) Awakening deals physical ice and non-elemental damage and infuses him with the power of ice. It grants him Awoken Ice Mode, which gives him unlimited uses of ice abilities. It will also “reduce delay of the user’s actions”.

Once the Awoken Mode ends, the Blasting Frost ability will trigger. Again, the game doesn’t say exactly what this is supposed to be, but if I have to hazard a guess, I’d say this is an offensive ice move.

His Arcane Overstrike deals physical ice damage while his Legend Materia Relic lets him begin fights “temporarily infused with the power of ice”.

This also sounds pretty good, huh? Like Terra, I actually like Squall. In fact, he used to be my favorite character in Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia. Unfortunately, he’s been dethroned. In DFFOO, my current fave is Zack Fair from Final Fantasy VII and Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII.

Of course, my actual fave is still Genesis. If he was in DFFOO, he’d dethrone Zack in a flash. Anyway, while Squall isn’t one of my top faves in Dissidia anymore, I do still like him well enough.

And since he’s not competing with my fave Genesis, I have no issues picking his ice set. I could use more relics that deal ice damage. Currently, I only have 2 Soul Breaks that do that, and both happen to belong to Rinoa Heartilly from Final Fantasy VIII.

I have her Chain Soul Break and her Ultra Soul Break. If I pick Squall’s set, I guess the 2 of them can team up and help me demolish enemies that are weak to ice.

Okay, so Squall’s still an option. Let’s check out the next set. Cloud’s is next, but, like I said, he’s out of the competition since I already have his Awakening, and I’d rather get a new one as opposed to a dupe. So let’s move on to Ingus.

Ingus from Final Fantasy III

Ingus’ Awakening deals physical earth and non-elemental damage and infuses him with the power of earth. It also grants “all allies a barrier that reflects a portion of damage taken back at the attacker as earth damage”.

And he gets Awoken Earth Mode, which gives him unlimited uses of earth abilities. His Arcane Overstrike deals physical earth damage while his Legend Materia Relic lets him start fights infused with the power of earth.

The barrier thing seems pretty interesting. I could always use more defensive relics. Also, AFAIK, my only earth relic is Thancred’s Ultra Soul Break, so Ingus’ set could be of use if I need to deal with enemies that are weak to earth.

I don’t really know anything about Ingus (#ad) though. And while defensive relics are welcome, I prefer ones that can heal my party. Damage mitigation is good too, of course, but I’ll also need healing, especially since I have few healing relics at the moment.

If my choice was between just Ingus and Squall, I think I’ll go with Squall because I know him and his set appears to be better than Ingus’. I mean, Ingus’ Awakening seems to be a combination of offense and defense while Squall’s is pure offense.

Right now, I’d say Ingus is still part of the competition, but he’s more of a second option.

Shantotto from Final Fantasy XI

Shantotto’s Awakening - yeah, how ‘bout we just skip this? To be honest, I’m not that fond of Shantotto at all. I find that I don’t care even if her set is super meta and overpowered. I still wouldn’t want to pick it or her anyway. So let’s just move on to the next one on the list.

Tidus from Final Fantasy X

Tidus’ (#ad) Awakening deals ranged physical water and non-elemental attacks and infuses him with the power of water. He gets Awoken Sharpshooter mode, which gives him unlimited uses of Sharpshooter abilities.

Also, every third Sharpshooter ability he uses will trigger Ace Shot, an ability that deals “ranged physical water and non-elemental damage” which can break the damage cap.

His Arcane Overstrike deals ranged physical water damage while his Legend Materia Relic lets him begin the battle infused with the power of water.

Tidus’ set seems pretty interesting, too. And instead of Awoken Water Mode, he gets Awoken Sharpshooter Mode. I’m pretty sure I haven’t made any Sharpshooter-type abilities since I don’t have any relics that require this.

While I like Tidus well enough, I’m not sure about picking his set because I already have Yuffie Kisaragi’s (from Final Fantasy VII) Awakening and Ultra. She deals water damage like Tidus, but her Awakening grants her Awoken Ninja Mode. I created Ninja-type abilities that deal water damage for her.

If I had to choose between Tidus and Ingus, I’m not sure which one to pick. I’m leaning towards Ingus just because I already have Yuffie’s Awakening to cover the water element.

And, anyway, if I had to choose between Tidus and Squall, I think I like Squall better. For now, I’d say Tidus is still part of the competition, but I’ll put him on the same level as Ingus.

Cidolfus Orlandeau from Final Fantasy Tactics

Orlandeau’s Awakening deals physical holy, dark, and non-elemental damage “with a 100% critical hit chance”. Instead of temporary elemental infusion, his critical hit chance is temporarily set to 100%.

He gets Thunder God’s Might though, yet again, the game fails to explain what this is supposed to be. Seriously, what’s up with FFRK not adding descriptions about these important details? So are players expected to search for the info online?

Orlandeau (#ad) also gets Awoken Thunder God Mode, which gives him unlimited uses of Knight and Darkness abilities. His Arcane Overstrike deals physical and holy damage while his Legend Materia Relic gives a chance for Knight and Darkness abilities to trigger twice, a.k.a dualcast.

While Cidolfus deals dark damage too, the game has his set under the holy element. I’m too new to be able to tell if a 100% critical hit chance is better than an elemental infusion. I mean, I know a 100% critical hit chance is good, but wouldn’t it be better to pair that with elemental infusion?

Hmm, I think I’m definitely gonna need more information about Cidolfus and his Soul Breaks. How good is his set, and is it worth it to pick it from the list?

Like Ingus, I know nothing about him. At the moment, it looks like Squall is winning the competition simply because I know him and like him well enough.

Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII

Sephiroth’s (#ad) Awakening deals physical dark and non-elemental damage and infuses him with the power of the dark. It increases his Soul Break gauge by 2. He gets Awoken Darkness Mode, which gives him unlimited uses of Darkness abilities.

His Arcane Overstrike deals physical dark damage while his Legend Materia Relic lets him start fights infused with the power of the dark.

I actually have Sephiroth’s Unique Soul Break (deals ranged physical fire damage and temporarily gives him attach fire) and Super Soul Break (deals dark damage and temporarily gives him en dark). Got these 2 from the Book of Trials free draws.

Currently, I have 2 Ultra Soul Breaks that deal dark damage - Gabranth’s (from Final Fantasy XII) and Exdeath’s (from Final Fantasy V). I also managed to get the free Chain Soul Break (belongs to Vayne Carudas Solidor from Final Fantasy XII) from one of the Chocobo events.

Sephiroth’s dark set seems decent enough, so he’s still in the competition though I’ll need to do more research to see if he’s really good or not. What I think about him is harder to explain or put into words. I mean, I like him, but I also hate him.

I like him enough to chase after his kit in DFFOO. I managed to get all his weapons, and I MLB’d him. But when his Ex became realizable, I didn’t even bother to give him a Book. Right now, he’s still at base Ex, and I basically never use him anymore.

I think he looks pretty enough. And I like that he’s left-handed. That’s really rare in media. But I also think he’s overrated, and I don’t like his personality. Sometimes, I feel like I really hate him and want nothing to do with him.

Like when I got his relics from the Book of Trials draws, I was disappointed. I haven’t used them at all. He’s barely leveled. I don’t know. Like I said, it’s hard to explain. I guess I could write a post about this. But let’s not talk about it now since this post is long enough as it is.

All I can say is I guess I don’t hate him enough to automatically disqualify him from this competition. But if I had a different choice or if someone is better than him, I’ll be going with that.

At the moment, still leaning towards Squall’s set. I guess Sephiroth could be second choice. Sigh. Seriously though, if only I hadn’t gotten Cloud Strife’s (#ad) Awakening, I wouldn’t be having this problem right now.

Then again, while I definitely like Cloud more than Sephiroth (he’s double purple in DFFOO with perfect arts and 2 spheres), there are times when I think Cloud is also overrated. For instance, in this game, he has a Sync Soul Break, currently the best kind of Soul Break. Awakenings are ranked second to Syncs.

But later, I heard that Cloud got a second Sync in the Japanese version of FFRK. When I learned about that, I couldn’t help but feel disappointed and kind of mad. Because there are still lots of other characters that don’t have a Sync yet, like my actual fave.

So I was like, come on, Cloud, are you trying to make me hate you? You already have a Sync. Give other charas a chance too. Isn’t it their turn already? Whoops, didn’t mean to go off on a tangent. Anyway, let’s move on to the last set.

Bartz Klauser from Final Fantasy V

Bartz’s Awakening deals physical fire, water, wind, earth, and non-elemental damage and temporarily increases his fire, water, wind, and earth attack level by 3 instead of giving him elemental infusion.

Every second fire, water, wind, and earth ability that he uses will trigger the Barrage Master ability although, yet again, the game doesn’t explain what this is supposed to be. Maybe it’s yet another fire, water, wind, and earth ability.

Bartz (#ad) also gets Awoken Spellblade Mode, which grants him unlimited uses of Spellblade abilities. His Arcane Overstrike deals physical wind, water, fire, and earth damage while his Legend Materia Relic gives a very small chance for Spellblade abilities to trigger three times.

His set is interesting since it covers multiple elements. I like him just fine, but I’m inclined to dislike him in this game because I feel like he’s competing with my fave.

Yeah, I know he covers multiple elements while Genesis focuses on fire damage. But both are physical attackers. And both use Spellblade-type abilities. I actually created all of the 5-star rarity Spellblade-type abilities for Genesis.

I also got his Snowspell Strike Spellblade ability (6-star rarity). And I used my Rubies to buy the Inferno Assault record so I could create the 6-star rarity Inferno Assault Spellblade ability. I even got Inferno Assault to max rank 5 already since this is currently the best fire ability for my fave.

What I’m saying is if I actually choose Bartz, then he’s all set when it comes to abilities. I’ll just need to hone the rest of them to increase their rank and number of uses.

But the thing is, I don’t want to. It’s silly, but I can’t help feeling like Bartz is trying to upstage my fave. I don’t know why I feel this way. I think I need to think about this some more. For now, Bartz is still part of the competition, but he’s at the bottom of the list.

Remaining Choices

Okay, I’ve narrowed my choices down to the following characters:

Squall for ice

Sephiroth for dark

Tidus for water

Ingus for earth

Orlandeau for holy

Bartz for multi-elemental

Sephiroth and Tidus are tied for second place while Ingus and Orlandeau are tied for third place. Ugh. Still way too many choices. I’ve barely narrowed down the list. I went from 9 to 6. And I still can’t decide which one to pick. Send help!

April 11, 2020 Saturday

It’s now April 11, 2020 Saturday. I only have until April 13 before the Final Fantasy Record Keeper 5th Anniversary Present Relic Draw ends. And yet I still haven’t made my choice. I spent days thinking about my options, but up to now, I still don’t know which one to pick.

Well, at least, I can now remove a few more characters from the list. Tidus is out. As aforementioned, I already have Yuffie’s Awakening and Ultra to help me whenever I need Soul Breaks that deal water damage. I think- well, I hope that I can manage with just her for now.

Orlandeau is also out. I think en element is better, especially if you combine it with critical hit chance. Recently, I was able to get Tyro’s (from Final Fantasy Record Keeper (#ad)) Ultra Soul Break, Arbiter’s Tome. This increases the entire party’s critical hit chance by up to 100%.

I also managed to get the Warrior of Light’s (from Final Fantasy I) Awakening. This gives him Awoken Holy Mode, which is another reason why Cidolfus is out of this competition.

Ingus is also out. I don’t have an Awakening that deals earth damage yet, but Yuffie does get Awoken Ninja Mode with her Awakening. There are Ninja-type abilities that deal earth damage, so I think I’ll just rely on that for now.

I also just got Biggs’ (from Final Fantasy Record Keeper) Ultra Soul Break and that deals earth damage, so, hopefully, that’ll be enough for now. Besides, like I said, I don’t really know anything about Ingus, so I feel no attachment towards him. I think I’ll just end up regretting it if I pick him.

New Remaining Choices

That brings the list down to the following:

Squall for ice

Sephiroth for dark

Bartz for multi-elemental

Argh! This is so freaking hard. Cloud, this is all your fault. If only you hadn’t decided to give me your Awakening from that Lucky Draw, I wouldn’t be having this problem right now. Sigh.

Bartz Klauser from Final Fantasy V

Bartz is the logical choice because his Awakening can hit multiple elements. It’s not like I completely, utterly hate him or something. He’s not a fave or anything, but I like him just fine.

Really, truly, his set is the best choice for a new player like me. That’s the reason why he’s still part of this competition.

However, I can’t seem to bring myself to choose him. It’s dumb and silly, but I still can’t help but feel like he’s trying to upstage my fave. Ah, if only he didn’t use Spellblade-type abilities as well. Sigh.

I’m trying to visualize what it would be like if I had his relics. Am I going to immediately add him to my team? Am I gonna level him up just so I can use him right away? Will I spend the resources to get his Record Spheres and Legend Materia? Am I going to be happy if I have him? Am I even going to use him?

Right now, at the time I’m writing this, the answers to all of the above are no. I mean, if I somehow end up with his stuff, then, sure, he’ll be on my list of charas to level up. But I won’t feel like I need to level him up ASAP.

The logical part of me says to pick him, but my heart says no. I think I’m going to listen to my heart. Maybe this is the wrong choice. Maybe I’m just making things harder for me. I can’t help it though. I feel like I’m just gonna really hate it if I go with Bartz.

Genesis may not have Awoken Spellblade Mode, but he can use all of the Spellblade-type abilities, so he can hit all of the elements that Bartz can. He even has access to Darkness-type abilities, so he can hit the dark element too.

What I’m trying to say is, I’ll make do without Bartz. I have my fave. That’s what matters to me. That’s what makes me happy.

Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy VIII

Okay, that brings us down to 2 - Squall and Sephiroth. Let’s talk about Squall first. Like I said before, I like him well enough. But I don’t know if it’s the best choice to go with his relics. I do already have some Soul Breaks that deal ice damage.

Welp, just took a closer look at Squall and I found out he’s a Spellblade-user too. At least, his set is focused on ice and not fire. He can use other abilities like Celerity and Combat, but Spellblade appears to be his main ability-type.

I’ve actually recruited Squall already. I think this happened when I was going through some of the Final Fantasy VIII Realm Dungeons. He’s at level 1 though. Yeah, I’ve yet to use him in this game.

If I complete his Record Spheres, he’ll be able to get the following Legend Materia:

Heart of the Lion - lets him deal 15% more damage with Spellblade abilities

Legendary SeeD - gives him a 35% chance to dualcast Spellblade abilities

Also looked up the numbers as well as more details for his relics. For his Awakening Soul Break, Fatal Frost:

Cast time is 2.50

Each attack deals 0.60 each, total of 15 physical ice and non-elemental attacks

Get en ice for 25 seconds

Awoken Ice Mode for 15 seconds - unlimited uses of ice abilities and up to 1.3 times damage if you use an ice ability that is rank 5, 100% dualcast

Damage cap +10k for 15 seconds

Fastcast or quickcast (“reduce delay of the user’s actions”) for 15 seconds

Blasting Frost - 10 physical ice and non-elemental attacks with either a 10%, 30%, or 50% critical hit chance depending on if you ended up using 0, 5, or 9 ice abilities while in Awoken Ice Mode; if you ended up using 9 or more ice moves, then Blasting Frost will also trigger an additional physical ice and non-elemental attack that can break the damage cap

For his Arcane Overstrike Soul Break, Blasting Drive:

Cast time is 2.50

Deal 3 physical ice attacks, each with a 24.0 multiplier, capped at 99999

Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII

I’ve been hearing a lot about how good Sephiroth’s kit is when it comes to dealing with enemies who are weak to the dark element, which is one reason why he’s still in this competition.

That, and, as usual, I fluctuate between loathing him with the fury of a thousand burning suns and not minding him at all.

Like Squall, I also ended up recruiting him already though this happened while going through one of the Final Fantasy VII Realm Dungeons. Unlike Squall, he’s actually around level 50+ right now.

I started leveling him up when I got his Unique and Super Soul Breaks then I lost interest and just dropped him (it takes way too freaking long to level up charas in this game; you could use Growth Eggs, but those are limited in quantity if you’re new).

Sephiroth can use the following abilities:

up to 3-star Black Magic

up to 6-star Samurai

up to 6-star Combat

up to 6-star Darkness

On the other hand, Genesis can use the following abilities:

up to 4-star Black Magic

up to 6-star Combat

up to 6-star Darkness

up to 6-star Spellblade

They overlap in everything except Samurai and Spellblade, but I find that I don’t actually mind at all since they deal with different elements. Sephiroth specializes in the dark element while my fave specializes in the fire element.

If I complete Sephiroth’s Record Spheres, he’ll be able to get the following Legend Materia:

Fallen Hero - deal 10% more damage with physical attacks when using a katana

Jenova’s Echo - when his HP falls below 20%, restore 100% of his HP and give him Trance; Trance gives him +50% attack, -50% defense, and hi fastcast (reduce delay of his actions) for 25 seconds; this Legend Materia can only trigger once per battle

Genesis has the following Legend Materia (of course, I’ve already gotten all of his Record Spheres):

Rhapsodic Recitation - increases fire damage dealt by 10%

Project G Creation - when his HP falls below 20%, restore 100% of his HP and give him Trance (Black Flurry Mode); this gives him +30% attack and 50% chance to dualcast fire abilities for 25 seconds; this Legend Materia can only trigger once per battle

I even have his Legend Materia Relic, Fierce Opposition. This lets him deal 20% more damage with physical attacks when he’s using a sword.

So it looks like they have pretty similar Legend Materia. But I should really be comparing Squall and Sephiroth, so let’s get back to that.

Squall’s Heart of the Lion versus Sephiroth’s Fallen Hero. 15% more Spellblade damage versus 10% more damage with physical attacks when using a katana. 15% is higher than 10%, but the difference isn’t that large.

That 15% is for Spellblade abilities only while Sephiroth’s 10% is for any physical ability as long as he’s using a katana. Squall’s lets him deal 5% more damage, but Sephiroth’s is more flexible.

Legendary SeeD versus Jenova’s Echo. This is harder to compare because they’re so different. Squall will always have a 35% chance to dualcast any of his equipped Spellblade-type abilities throughout the battle. But Sephiroth’s Jenova’s Echo can only trigger once per battle, and it will only activate once his HP falls below 20%.

Let’s take a quick look at Elarra’s (from Final Fantasy Record Keeper) Historic Brilliance Legend Materia because it’s basically the same as Squall’s, and I actually have this. Historic Brilliance gives Elarra (#ad) a 35% chance to dualcast White Magic abilities.

In my experience with using Elarra, Historic Brilliance doesn’t always proc. 35% is pretty low. However, when it does proc, it’s absolutely brilliant. Elarra is my secondary healer so when this Legend Materia procs, she ends up using her equipped healing abilities twice in one turn.

I’m guessing this is gonna be the same with Squall except with regards to Spellblade abilities - awesome when it procs, but not something you should rely on.

As for Sephiroth’s Jenova’s Echo, I guess we could look at my fave’s Legend Materia for an idea as to how effective it could be.

The thing is, not only am I gonna be horribly biased (we’re talking about my fave, of course, I think everything about him is absolutely super special awesome), I also have a way to instantly trigger Genesis’ Project G Creation.

I have Genesis’ Glint+, Epic of Creation. This activates instantly and doesn’t require any gauges, so once I use this, he’ll automatically be brought down to 1 HP.

This will then automatically trigger Project G Creation, so he ends up with the effects of both his Glint+ and Legend Materia. Then I follow this up by using his Awakening and just go deal massive amounts of damage to the enemy.

Do I wish I could trigger Project G Creation more than once per battle? Heck, yeah. But, so far, I’ve been able to manage well enough anyway, so I guess it’s fine as it is.

Now back to Sephiroth - this free set of his doesn’t include any Glint or Glint+. I don’t even know if the one he has is similar to my fave’s. In short, I don’t have a way to instantly trigger Jenova’s Echo.

I’d need to rely on the enemy to do that. Not exactly a bad idea. Because this could be a way to heal him back to full health so my healer can focus on the rest of the party who might need more attention.

Well, I wouldn’t call this a deal breaker. After all, Squall’s Legendary SeeD could be unreliable as well based on my experiences with using Elarra. Anyway, let’s take an even closer look at Sephiroth’s relics.

For his Awakening Soul Break, Stigma:

Cast time is 2.50

Each attack deals 0.60 each, total of 15 physical dark and non-elemental attacks

Get en dark for 25 seconds

Awoken Darkness Mode for 15 seconds - unlimited uses of Darkness abilities and up to 1.3 times damage if you use a Darkness ability that is rank 5, 100% dualcast

Damage cap +10k for 15 seconds

Increase his Soul Break gauge by 2

All the numbers are the same as with Squall’s Awakening. The differences are:

Sephiroth is for the dark element while Squall’s is for ice

Squall gets fastcast and Blasting Frost while Sephiroth gets 2 Soul Break gauges

Which is better? 2 gauges or fastcast and Blasting Frost? I don’t know. Blasting Frost is another attack, but with 2 gauges, Sephiroth can activate another Soul Break like his Unique or Super. I could also get some of his other relics that are available in The Record Lab if I spend some Anima Lenses.

Well, I could do the same for Squall, but the point is that Sephiroth (#ad) gets 2 bars right after using his Awakening, so I could follow that up by using another one of his Soul Breaks to deal even more damage right away.

With Squall, I would have to wait until his Awoken Ice Mode ends before being able to use Blasting Frost. On top of that, to get Blasting Frost’s full power, you need to have used 9 ice abilities by the time Awoken Ice Mode ends.

Squall does get quickcast, which should help with that, but I’m still not sure if it’s gonna be possible for me to use 9 abilities before Awoken Ice Mode ends.

Speaking of quickcast, that definitely sounds good, but I do have some ways to make my party move faster. For instance, there’s the Hastega ability. I also have Aeris or Aerith Gainsborough’s Awakening and Ultra Soul Breaks, both of which give the entire party fastcast for physical attacks for 3 turns.

As for Sephiroth’s Arcane Overstrike Soul Break, Setting Sun:

Cast time is 2.50

Deals 20 physical dark attacks, each with an 11.0 multiplier, follow that up with an additional physical dark attack with an 8.0 multiplier capped at 99999

Squall’s has a higher multiplier, but his Arcane only deals 3 hits whereas Sephiroth’s deals 20 +1.

Sephiroth versus Squall Leonhart

At the moment, I’m kinda leaning towards Sephiroth’s set. His seems to be better than Squall’s. He doesn’t use Spellblade abilities, and he doesn’t seem to be competing with my fave or trying to upstage him.

My feelings for him are still complicated though. I mean, I still hate him, but I also still like him. So, yeah, complicated. As complicated as trying to pick my free relics set. We’re finally down to 2 contenders, and I’m still having a hard time choosing.

Seriously, Cloud, this is all your fault. Why couldn’t I have gotten a different Awakening from that draw? Sigh.

So I kept thinking about which one to pick, which one was better, which one do I currently like more, which one will make me happier, which one-

Argh! This is driving me crazy. And time is running out. I need to make a decision, and I need to make it now.

Okay, that’s it. I’m sick of having to think about this. And I really am running out of time. It’s now April 12. Let’s just get this over with now.

So, I ended up going with - Sephiroth.

I can only hope that I don’t end up regretting this decision.

So what about you? Which set did you pick? Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions by leaving a comment below or by reblogging this post.

Notes:

pics are from Amazon.com; links shown above

screenshots are from my Final Fantasy Record Keeper game account

#genesis rhapsodos #final fantasy record keeper #cloud strife #sephiroth #squall leonhart #final fantasy #ffrk #mobile games #gacha games #gacha #games #mobile apps

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