#anyway i was feeling kinda burned out this week so i decided to finish this silly wip

[kazimo]

Getting changed for a mission (pre-dating)

[meganegatari]

how soon is now? | part one

READ THIS FIRST 🇵🇸

teasers: one. two. series masterlist. next part here!!

♡: hallway crush!ellie x uni student!reader

☆: listen, i know this timeline is kind of ridiculous, but i’ve organized it all best as i can! this is the expanded story based on those first little blurbs introducing the au (reads fine on its own though), and this part specifically was originally going to be one huge fic, but i've ultimately decided to split it up and drop the first part now, because i feel like it ends in a convenient enough space where i can make a separation not so jarring. so that means this will have a direct continuation (how soon is now? 2 ? lol this is so stupid-), and that will be posted soon enough once i finish it! but yes that means after so much waiting, it's finally here for y’all. i literally thought up this silly idea right before i passed out on new years, and never expected y’all to love it so much…but i keep my promises, so here. also love the smiths and felt the title sort of fit. i feel like not too much happens but eh anyway, thank you for waiting, thank you for reading, and please enjoy!

♧:4.6k word count

◇:suggestive but not explicit - horny descriptions and tension, however no smut (for now?….BUT DON'T HOLD ME TO THAT.) no descriptions of reader’s physical appearance, no use of “y/n”, slow-burn construction and loooooads of pining, a lot of build up but stay with me, attempts at occasional foreshadowing, smau elements(text messages lmao), savage starlight is a plot point lol, hallwaycrush!ellie is sort of a mix of loser/modern/university au/dorky-ish ellie I DON'T EVEN KNOW. abby is your bestie, girl what else do i put here- this is just kinda plot, plot, and more plot progression about the whole ordeal, and me indulging my obsession with modern!ellie. (lmk if there's anything to be added!)

“Abbyyyyyyyyyy.” 

You rolled around your lifelong best friend’s bed, babbling her ear off while she studied away at her desk, or tried to at least. This situation has been a daily occurrence for weeks at this point.

Laying on your stomach facing away from her, you could hear her scoff in annoyance. “What?” “Please give me some advice..I don't know what I'm even supposed to do. She's driving me up the wall." This crush was the sole thing occupying your poor mind, so naturally, you had to drown your bestie with your troubles as well. That's what friends do. Abby spun around on her chair to face you, with a clearly fed up expression on her face, and leaning forward, resting her elbows on her knees. 

“Well I don’t fucking know man, I’ve already given you my best advice, and that's either introduce yourself, or suffer.” She said coolly. You sat up and groaned. Wasn't there an easier way? One that didn't involve actually taking initiative and doing something? Maybe, hypothetically, you ace a test, and the professor announces it in front of everyone as he emotionally congratulates his star student, and she bounds over, beaming. Then tearfully confesses her love and admiration for you- hold on, where the fuck is this going?

“Oh come on, you know I can’t do that..” You gulped a burning bundle of anxiety down as you replayed the scenarios with your obsession for the thousandth time that day, the mere crumbs you were forced to fixate on until you saw her next, the first sighting that started this whole fiasco,  and shook your head to clear it and listen to what your best friend had to say. She sighed and rubbed her eyes, slamming her textbook shut and making her way over to sit next to you.

“Listen babe, I love you, but you really gotta get ahold of yourself, alright?” She spoke sternly, looking you straight in the eyes to make sure you understood and absorbed every last word she said. “Listen, here's what you're gonna do. when you pass her in the hall, smile, it's simple but it's a classic, okay? And then you listen to the lecturer as normal, right? I have no idea what you nerds do in astrophysics, but that's besides my point. Make sure to pay attention and not stare only at her like a stalker or something, I cannot stress enough how normal you gotta be. But here's where it gets good, you still with me?” 

You're listening to her for sure, and nod vigorously. Crystal clear. She continues, “Okay you said you sit as far as possible from her? Sheesh, why'd you do that? When the class is over I want you to go over to her, and introduce yourself. Catch her on her way out, tap her on the shoulder if you're feeling bold. Ask for some of her contact details, play it cool. Just don't shit yourself, got it? All you gotta do." 

Abby finishes her speech, smirking and looking smug. She's positive she got through to you this time. On the surface you're totally chill, confident even, ready to snatch this ethereal being for yourself, however underneath all that you knew you didn't have an ounce of the courage that was required for this seemingly impossible task. 

Breathing deeply to calm yourself and try to take in her helpful words as best as possible, you give Abby a hug. “Thank you Abs, really. I'll do my best. Oh, but what if I freak out and start stuttering- or what if I trip and fall on her…I can't do this what the hell.” Swarmed with worry, you start doubting yourself yet again. Burying your face in your palms, you feel two strong hands on either side of your upper arms and you look back at Abby, who's really not playing around anymore. 

She was so serious about this it almost scared you. Either she cared about you more than anything, or she wanted to hear the end of these pathetic, lovestruck rambles. You prayed it was the former. 

“Suck it up. You can do this. You've had crushes before haven't you? This should be a piece of cake c’mon, I believe in you. Make sure to keep me updated every step of the way! I need to hear every last detail.” She lightens up at the end and releases you from her grip once she sees you've relaxed. 

Unsurprisingly, your best friend always knew what to say to snap you out of your spirals. Maybe most would disagree with her methods, say she was being rough, but they worked for you. Heart rate returning to a normal pace, you reply genuinely. 

“Okay, okay I got this. Yeah, it'll be fine.” She was getting through to you, this time you felt sure of it. “Good, good. Now will you let me finish this stupid assignment? Then we can watch something or do whatever." Abby chatted as she got up and sat back at her desk, resuming her studious endeavor as she left you with your thoughts. 

Immediately you heard her mutter, “All this and you don't even know her goddamn name…good grief.” For the sake of preserving the peace you chose to graciously ignore that one. She said she wanted some quiet, didn't she? 

Drifting away into a sea of daydreams, your thoughts inevitably returned to being clouded by this cryptic figure. It was like she'd cast a love spell on you. Did she even know who you were? Or did she shoot everyone those insufferably charming looks of hers. Was she even aware of how fucking cool she was? 

Dressed in that deliciously grungy style, you yearned to know what floated behind her greener-than-grass eyes. Her hair looked so smooth and soft, the wispy auburnette strands framing her refined features, intriguing fern tattoo decorating her lean forearm…. You felt your cheeks begin to heat up as a portrait of her materialized in your mind's eye. Nestling into the comfortable atmosphere of your best friend's room, you sunk deeper into your thoughts.

Like Abby had mentioned, it certainly wasn't as if you've never had crushes before, you've certainly had your fair share of them, like most people. But that was a sort of flaky, surface level interest, whether it be for their looks, their little quirks, or ways they treated you. Maybe it has been a while since you'd had a proper crush, but you couldn't recall a time when the infatuation, the pure limerence, had hit you this hard before. You almost felt helpless, just besotted by her.

You simply needed to act on this. Right then and there you steeled yourself, and decided you were going to follow Abby's advice after all, and go after this hallway crush. Worst comes to worst, she turns you down, you get over it eventually, bla bla end of story. It wasn't going to be too complicated, right?

You and Abby had stayed up all night, dusk till dawn, gossiping about things other than your hallway crush, shocking, and you were greatly regretting that decision the very moment it was time to gather your books and get to class.

You really did not feel like stunning everyone around you with a gorgeous outfit today, you were just trying to make it through the day in one piece to be honest with yourself. 

With a pounding headache you threw on some mismatched sweats, and ran out the door to be on time. Your bag felt unreasonably heavy as you made your way down your apartment stairs, and you cursed your past self for choosing a building without an elevator. Sure, exercise is healthy, but it can’t be when you’re feeling like a zombie, and wish for nothing more than a good, long nap.

Luckily the lecture hall was a comfortable distance away from your place, not far enough to make it a pain, but enough so you could get a much needed breath of fresh air. The tiredness had pushed all plans of action you and Abby had discussed the previous night to the back of your head, and you weren't thinking of your crush at all. At least for now. 

Walking slowly with your gaze pointed downward, you eventually made it to the hall. Completely dazed and zoned out, you made a mental note to never pull an all nighter again, gross, who’s idea was that- thump. 

Out of nowhere you're rudely jolted from your silent sulking by colliding with something, or someone? It takes a moment to register what happened, and you quickly look up from staring at the ground to sort the situation out. “Oh my gosh I am so sorry..” 

Profusely apologizing while simultaneously being smacked across the face with the realization of who this was. Her. Your words trail off as you’re suddenly winded, and you feel your blood run cold. You’re transfixed by the intense eye contact, and it feels like time has stopped. Goodness, this is dramatic. 

In the time it takes for you to briefly die and come back to life, the young woman has lowered her chunky headphones so they rest around her neck, Morissey’s vocals faintly floating out of them, and is looking at your stunned state with an indiscernible sneer playing on her face. Was this actually happening? Holy shit you and Abby did not discuss this scenario…you weren’t looking where you were going and had collided with an actual Earth angel. Great.

Still gawking at her like an absolute buffoon, akin to a deer in headlights, she breaks the tension first, with a smooth voice that you would obey virtually any command for. 

“Nah, you’re good.” And a wink. Your heart skipped a beat, or four, when you witnessed her wink at you. Did you imagine it? Was she being suave on purpose or did she have an eyelash in her eye…Was your life a literal rom-com or what? 

“Um..” Your mouth opens and closes in an attempt to form a coherent sentence, but your brain is much too fried to do so because, well, you had just made physical contact with the literal girl of your dreams. And gods did she smell good…while you’re unable to tear your eyes away from hers, she keeps talking as if nothing happened.

“I think the prof had an emergency or fuckin’, I dunno.” She stops to gesture around the two of you at the crowd that had formed in front of the auditorium’s double doors with elegant, ring adorned fingers..holy fuck you needed those inside you right fucking now- WHAT. 

Briskly shoving those thoughts down to the deepest depths of your subconscious back to where they belong, you turned your attention back to her, and put on a brave front. Hyper aware of how searing hot your face felt, her pretty self didn't show a hint of caring that you were making a fool of yourself. They say that any situation is always worse in your head than it was in actuality, well you hoped so. 

“So, what are we supposed to do now?” Clearing your throat you managed a sentence back, hooray. You were doing this. Good job. Although, of course, before the gorgeous nymph before you had a chance to respond with her own assumptions, a substitute lecturer you had never seen before pushes his way through the crowd and unlocks the door while people file in, separating you from her. You felt like Rose, viciously torn away from Jack from Titanic, what a cruel, cruel world this was.

And once again you didn't get to ask her name. Re-slinging her bag with one arm, she looks back at you one final time and throws you a “cya around.” Before disappearing into the auditorium with everyone else. You meekly nod at her and force a lopsided smile, before leaning against the wall to steady yourself after that fiasco in the now empty hallway.

Wasting virtually not a moment of time, you pulled your phone out and began furiously texting Abby with a recount of the events at a speed faster than the speed of light. 

Once that excruciatingly torturous class was over, you applauded yourself for containing the stares in her direction and keeping your eyes fixated on the professor. Whether you actually retained any information, now that was a different story. Picking up your bags and laptop, you stay behind for a moment as everyone else files out, no need to crowd and suffocate amongst the other students, and you had nowhere to be except catch up on your favorite shows and relax all by yourself. 

Filing out the auditorium with everyone else, you see a familiar face pass by you, and vaguely hear Abby’s voice in your head urging you to seize the moment. Now’s your chance, go! And so you gather every little bit of strength you possess to do just that. 

After a couple deep breaths you jog up to her. “Uh, hey.” She turns around and gives you a warm smile, making your legs instantly turn to jelly. You subtly checked her out and took in her outfit, another bulky jacket and lightly distressed jeans. Fingers studded with layered silver rings, and those big ole headphones seemed to be magnetically attached to her, she always had them on her. Note to self: ask for some music recommendations.

She was even hotter up close…with a beautiful galaxy of freckles scattered across her fair skin, you wanted to place a kiss on every single of them. “I, um, never caught your name.” “It's Ellie.” She sticks out her hand for a handshake and you accepted it, you finally had a name to the face you've been pining over so intensely for so long. Abby was going to lose it once you tell her about this. You steady your voice and hide the glee that was likely evident from this interaction going so smoothly, and introduce yourself to her as well.

After some time of idle chit chat and standing there, neither one of you knowing really what to say, Ellie pipes up, facepalming, tsking, and furrowing her brows. “Oh yeah, I don’t mean to spring this on you outta nowhere, but would you wanna study sometime?” She flushes a dusty pink, “I don't know anyone else taking this course and am having kind of a hard time with it...when I chose it, I expected it to be more about space and the planets, and less about numbers and math, my head hurts.”

Her demeanor was making you feel rather comfortable with her, even though the two of you had just formally met a few minutes prior. “I would love to, yeah!” Maybe you were being a little too enthusiastic, but at this point you were operating on pure instinct and not thinking critically of what was coming out of your mouth. “I actually don't have any plans now, or today at all, so if you want to, we can get a head start before the next class?” Well that just slipped out. Go you, blurting things out. 

You had no idea why you'd said that because your place was an absolute mess, clothes strewn everywhere, trash can still full, you'd been too preoccupied with your studies, and well her, to do much about it. To your horror, Ellie exclaims, “Hey, that's perfect! I don't have anything to do right now either, and it would be good to act on it while it's still fresh in my mind, y’know?” Her face morphs into an adorable toothy grin as she taps on her skull comically, you were becoming more obsessed by the second, if that was even possible.

Every little sliver of her personality you got to see under the stoic one you had assumed she had just grasped at your heartstrings. You smiled back at her so hard you almost pulled a muscle in your cheeks, “Awesome! Follow me, then, my dorm isn't far.”

The walk there was mostly fine as the two of you made it to your place, Ellie occasionally making comments about how she hates the class even though she adores outer space and learning about it on her own time, and you were nodding and acting as if you're listening, agreeing with her robotically while she rambled away and you daydreamed about what her lush lips would feel like on yours. You wondered if she was gentle with it, or if she’d kiss you hungrily, devour you like her very last meal….gulp.

Leading her to your place was an automatic task, not much navigation needed, and when the journey was done you had to legitimately stop short for a moment in an attempt to soothe the pounding in your chest. 

The crush that has plagued your mind for ages, who you've just met formally today, was about to be in your room. The two of you were about to be alone. That was totally fine, yeah, she can't be a murderer…..right?

“You good?” She asked sweetly, why did she have to be so nice, “Those stairs were killer, I totally get it, phew.” “Oh for sure, gets me every time.” Covering up your panic smoothly, you unlocked the door and went inside with her. When she walked inside, Ellie took a glance around your room and set herself down at the edge of your bed, immediately making herself comfortable, while you still lingered in the doorway, awkwardly swaying and staring at her, unsure of what to do with yourself. 

Suddenly you had completely forgotten why she was here in the first place. “No way, you read Savage Starlight too???” She spotted the figurine on your desk and snatched it up in her hands to inspect it thoroughly, with a childlike wonder in her eyes. “Wow, this one was a limited edition and it sold out in like an hour, I'm so jealous you got this!! How much you want for it, I'm serious.” She was so excited, and you couldn't believe it. Savage Starlight has always been one of your favorite comics ever, you've loved it since you were a young teen, and now this seemingly perfect human before you, who you're hopelessly obsessed with says she loves it too? Could she get any more flawless, is all you could wonder.

Her happiness because of this little thing you two bonded over was infectious, and some of your nerves slowly began to go away.  Grinning genuinely, you sheepishly said, “I've never met anyone else who likes it, that story has helped me through lots of phases in my life, and Daniela was my gay awakening.” Ellie gaped at you for a beat, making you almost doubt revealing that information.

“No. Fuckin’. Way. Mine too! Her suit was just- damn. And those action scenes in the third volume had my thirteen year old self’s brain just mush for, I don't even know for how long. This is crazy, I can already see we’re gonna get along so well.”

You wanted to talk to her about everything and anything forever, and her glee made you want to squish her, but there was unfortunately work to be done first. “There’s so much we have to discuss, but we gotta get some studying done first if we wanna make it out of this course alive.”

You were sitting at your desk, hunched over the sprawled out textbooks and messy notes, as you drew the graphs and talked to her about the concepts she was struggling with. Your desk was so small and you only had one chair, and you were the one using it, so Ellie was forced to hover over you to see all you were doing.

Focusing solely on the subject before you was proving to be more difficult as studying time went by, because you were a little too aware of the way she had caged you in against the desk to watch, her oversized shirt grazing your upper back. You gripped your pen ever so tightly to minimize any trembling, and kept a steady voice as best you could while explaining it all.

She was so, so close, the tension in the tiny room was palpable, she didn't seem to notice your nervous tremors or the proximity she’d created, and the low murmurs of, “ohhh, mhm, yeah,” as you embarrassingly stammered over your explanations made you flushed and to be frank, needy. You could feel her warmth radiating off of her, could faintly hear her breathing just above you. You didn't dare move a muscle. Was she feeling this too?

At this point you swore the delicious gravelly vibrations from her voice this close to you would be plenty enough to make you cream your pants. The air in the enclosed space was getting hotter and thicker by every passing moment, it took everything you had to keep yourself from losing your mind right now. If you moved back a petty few inches, you’d be pressed flush with her front. What would that be like, you wondered. Oh, no. Your throat felt drier than the desert when you swallowed, the thought of that making you weak.

Since your focus on the work was lapsing, you were beginning to make some little mistakes and blunders, compelling her to take the pen right from your hand and fix them herself. “No, no, this one’s supposed to be like this instead, see? Then you're able to get the right answer which is…” She stretches over you further, you nearly whined, someone save you, and grabs the textbook to review the solution. “Like this, yeah, I was right. Honest mistake though, don’t worry about it.”

You nod your head and make a pathetic murmur of approval, ignoring the fiery tingles spreading all the way up your arm when her hand bumps yours to return the writing utensil, and the blistering coil of want forming in your stomach. This all had to be deliberate, right? She couldn't lack that much spatial awareness, could she? Well, it wasn’t that you minded, she could get as close as she damn wanted to, you'd let her throw you around like a ragdoll even- you were just afraid your heart was going to give out if she kept it up. “Could you show me this work you guys did? Of course the one day I'm late, the prof talks about something new and I miss it.” 

What feels like an eternity later, you hear her groan above you and she returns to her earlier spot on your bed. You can finally breathe properly. Glancing at the clock, your own headache begins to set in. Crap it was late, how time flies. 

“We’ve been studying for so long, it’s getting late.” “Shit, you’re right, I’ve definitely overstayed my welcome. Sorry about that, and hey, thanks for this. I understand it all a lot better now, see you tomorrow.”

She stands up abruptly and ushers herself out of your door in a flash, to which you clumsily stand up, knock your chair over, and hastily run after her, not wanting her to go just yet. “Wait, Ellie!” “What's up, did I forget something?”

She pats her pockets and looks at you with concern. Round puppy dog eyes, and lips in a miniscule pout, so cute. You were in front of her now, but did not process what you actually wanted to say. Just ran after her like the smitten nincompoop you are. Upon feeling your face go hot, you look at the ground to mutter, “Uh- nothing. See you later.” Realistically, what were you planning on saying, or doing?

After stumbling over your words you two finally part ways and you slump down against your door, missing her presence already. You simultaneously wanted to jump around or open your bedside table drawer to release the energy you'd accumulated, and wanted to fall into the deepest sleep of your life to recuperate from the experience. This was just, a lot. You wanted to scream and screech like there's no tomorrow, but did not want to deal with noise complaints from the others living on your floor. Gosh she was so close, she shares your niche interest, your hands touched, albeit accidentally, lo and behold you were in love with her.

Maybe it was early to call it that, but you were going to plan out your future together. Preferably a quaint, peaceful farmhouse, the one you two lovebirds renovated together exactly how you envisioned, where you could ogle her doing the farmwork. Ugh. Cook all her favorite meals, make sweet, sweet love under the moonlight. Take strolls through the flower gardens you two planted, receive her curated bouquets as gifts, you two are going to have such a tender, domestic life. 

You had to mull it over some more, and didn’t dare wish to forget how close she was to you, you were still buzzing from her essence. You were pointlessly pacing around your room now, unable to stop looping the study session's events in your head. The simplicity, the eroticism of the encounter. One-sided or not, you had yet to find out more about her, the impatience was going to take over. The day almost seemed too good to be true, but for now you had to force yourself to relax and think about something other than her. Time to browse Pinterest with striking kitchen ideas for your beautiful future. 

What were you going to say to her the next time you see her? You were eager to know how, or if at all, this new friendship was going to progress. Part of you was dying of impatience, but the rest of you wanted to take it all as slow as possible, savoring every little moment and making the most of it. 

You sighed, this was going to be a long, long, year.

lovely taggies: @amiorca @mostlyhornyandsad @lasting-lover @radioheadfan699 @sophie-thefrog8 @machetegirl109 @ellieschair @aouiaa @wavesgocrash @tangerinngi @elliesbitchvenus @dinaissoprettyoml @rxreaqia @camicocom1a @elliesexual @ellslvr @boobdrug @writing-on-a-bathroom-stall @bready101 @yourelliewillms

.......really hoping this doesn't flop because it isn't smutty, yall wanted more fics that are plot soooo

[jujutsukgojo]

The Baby Project Chapter 8

izuku midoriya x reader

The Baby Project masterlist

Summary: Izuku discovers a lot about you and Noa. tw: angsty, fluff, izuku once again being Papa, izuku and mc being pervy, inside look at the adult heroes. Some of Class A, violence, mc is kinda mean

You grip the edge of the sink and let the water trail down from your face. Izuku’s been by your side since then and strangely, Shouto hasn’t told him what happened between you. It’s been two weeks since you’ve got your points docked and received detention. Snipe hasn't told you how long this will be and if he's taking away your "volunteer work".

The day after Noa went missing, you called and told Yona what happened. Because of the fuckery, both of you decided it was best to keep your job quiet again rather than completely quit.

Your most recognizable and familiar emotions rear their heads as you stare into your bathroom mirror: frustration, anger at the world, and everything that has had anything to do with the flames that burn you. These losses in this battle upon you devastated your pride and dignity. The very thought of the heroes makes you want to scratch their eyes out in retaliation for witnessing one of the most painful things in your life. Again. 

You exit the bathroom and see Izuku and Noa taking a nap in your bed. Noa has recently gotten a hold of washable markers and used Izuku’s face as his canvas. Both boys played hard. The clouds hovered in the sky and bits of rain splattered about today, so they weren't able to roll around in the grass like usual. 

You sit at your desk and begin to write this week's report log.

"To whomever this bitch ass hero is,

You have some nerve, including you Snipe. This month was not good. Noa went on an adventure and everyone got bent out of shape about it. You docked my points because he wandered around. No one got hurt and your ass got to exercise. I helped with your training and this is what I get. Amazing how deadbeats get praise for what they are literally paid for but I turn around for .1 nanoseconds and you get out of pocket.

All of you can drop.

Anyway, I feel bad for Benio. He is a great dad if you haven't noticed and probably haven't. WILLINGLY. He got yelled at by Yaomomo or whatever her trifling ass is. Now, she is “raising” Kobeni. He isn't mad at me but at himself. He shouldn’t be punished. I don’t know why I bother since you and the rest of these silly hoes have never cared. 

Another thing I can report is that Noa is still hitting and has had no bathroom accidents so tell that one dude with the rope to trip and break his neck. Noa still shows a love for cooking! It’s nice that his previous behavior and personality weren’t fully wiped out."

You take a deep breath before you continue to write.

"I have decided to talk to Kaibara with supervision. I won’t leave Noa with him and I will not be alone in the same space as him. Kaibara has shown violent tendencies towards me and Noa, with witnesses present, and I have no guarantee that he won’t hurt Noa even more. This talk will only be me telling him basic things about Noa and getting his signature. Will this satisfy you and save my grade? 

Other than you disrespecting me and my robo-baby, he is having a problem swallowing some things. I have decided to feed him soup and mashed things. It happened suddenly when I made him a sandwich. Is it possible that he didn't chew right? Maybe it just went down rough. That and your dusty ass gave him hives."

-------

Snipe sighs after he finishes reading your report log out loud. The heroes sit at the table in the conference room. Each tries to remain indifferent to what they saw the other day, but it is undeniable. What was supposed to be a simple punishment ended up being something they’ve only seen with victims, not normal students. The baby project was created for a reason. It’s experimental and shows where the future heroes, the next generation, stand with public and private care. Whether it be their own families or those they contact, they must learn compassion and responsibility.

What happened to you only proved that they have lost their way. All Might sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “What exactly did you do?” He wasn’t there at the time. Most of the teachers weren’t. Actually, some of them weren’t even called to search because the kids were found so quickly by the third-year heroes. 

“In summary, the student lost points and she reacted badly,” Aizawa says gruffly.

Snipe scoffs. “Reacted badly? That's the conclusion to your analysis? I’ve seen her react badly, but this was on another level.”

“Her grades are essential to her scholarship. Having Noa revert to two years old would have been a factor.”

Vlad King rubs his face. “It was too far. There definitely needs to be a check on all of the students.”

Nezu nods. “Although I agree that the impact it had on her grade was definitely a factor for her panic, I can’t deny that Snipe is right, too.” He taps his chin and says, “We must check their health. Not just mentally, but physically as well. I want everyone to be evaluated.”

“What about (Y/n)?” Snipe hopes that his colleagues remember what they felt when they saw you in Recovery Girl's office.

“I think it’s only fair that (Y/n)’s grade be mainly restored. However, Noa and Kobeni did go missing, so she has to lose some points." Nezu taps on the table. "I agree, Recovery Girl. It was cruel.” Nezu thought of mercy for you.  

“It’s about time you guys thought of the children.” Her old voice huffs. She smacks the stack of paper on the table. Aizawa looks down at his lap. “We are. Hence why we’re doing this assignment.”

“At the cost of other children? Heroes over civilians?” Snipe’s words echo on the walls and settle into the adults' minds. The reason for the baby project is to prevent and train the heroes on how to be compassionate and raise the next generation with care. To give them a taste of the future. The younger general studies were the perfect candidates in their opinion. It was less risky since they weren't as tainted or exposed as the previous year. However, your reaction revealed something they didn’t expect. Now the question of validity and correction hangs in the air.

Nezu nods. “We’ll keep the assignment and restore her grade-”

Snipe interrupts before Nezu can change the subject. “And a caretaker. I understand that the hero course faces dangers that children can’t be around but my students face challenges too. Look at their grades, their health, all of it. They deserve the same treatment.”

Vlad nods. “I agree.” Aizawa nods and agrees, finally. Nezu puts his hands together and says, “This brings me to Kaibara…”

  Vlad sighs and rubs his face. His heavy hand lands on the dark wood table. Kaibara has been a subject he has tried to handle and avoid at the same time.

-------

“Alright, class, we’ve come to an agreement.” Snipe puts his hands on the podium. “We understand your situation about the caregivers-”

“Inequality. It’s okay, you can say it.” Sakura crosses her arms and with a subtle wave of her finger, you spot Jule trying to discreetly pull out his phone. Snipe doesn’t see what’s going on. 

Snipe’s silent then takes his mask off. “You’re right. It’s not fair hence why we’re giving you guys one. It’ll be during classes of course.”

The class cheers. This is the bare minimum, but it’s a start. A footstep that’ll help tremendously. Alas, it will not be enough.

Ema waves her hand. “When?” 

“How? It’ll be tragic if the caregiver gets blamed just like (Y/n).” Benio’s expression is so deadpan it hurts. 

“Enough. Benio, it won’t be like last time.” Snipe takes a breath and looks directly at you. “I’d like to see you after class.” 

Riko looks at you and sucks in her lips. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know what she’s worried about. She’s worried it has to do with her and if you’ll finally tell the truth. Riko doesn’t need to verbally say it. Her expression speaks for her. Even though you understand, your sympathy can’t fight the resentment from the pain you went through for her, for all of them. To have her sit here and be worried about you being a snitch only rubs salt in the wound. 

If she doesn’t back off, you’re liable to tell. She flinches and her focus goes back to her desk. Good. Your classmates and Izuku have been very supportive and empathetic, you can't help the bitterness, embarrassment, and anger. You were so proud that Noa was three years old and just to have that ripped away from you was brutal. Not to mention that she was supposed to be watching the kids. One day these feelings will subside. Until then, she needs to back the fuck off and remember her place. 

It feels good to have her remember that she owes you. 

-

You stand in front of Snipe. Today, surprisingly, Noa decided to go with Izuku. It’s not like it is a big deal since he’s handed off and there's no struggle like there is with you. 

“I read your log, which was entertaining by the way,” Are you supposed to say thank you? Ever since they did that to Noa, you haven’t said a word in any of your classes. You’ve been called on and asked to speak yet you say nothing. If you do, they’ll use it against you and come at Noa again. 

Snipe sighs and scratches the back of his head. His hat moves as he does it. “Look, we decided what happened was out of line. So, to compensate, we’re turning Noa back to three. However, your grade is still docked a few points because he did go missing. But these are points that can be made up. With you being more advanced than your peers, it won’t take long.”

You say nothing even though this is good news and you were acknowledged as superior to everyone else. As you should be.

He waits and waits for a response. He clears his throat and nods. “Oh, and, um, about your parental situation. Kaibara is still the official father, but we recognize Midoriya being Noa’s stepfather. So, your grade in that regard won’t suffer. We understand the situation better and think it will be best to do it this way without taking away Kaibara’s grade since it needs to be documented.”

Does he expect you to thank him? You want Kaibara out of your life forever. Do the heroes want you to jump for joy because they no longer expect you to include him and have given their blessing for Midoriya? Who isn’t even recognized as his real father, but a stepfather. How are you supposed to be happy about this?

Snipe fiddles with his thumbs. “Alright. That’s what I wanted to tell you. You’re dismissed, (Y/n).” You leave without a look back. From behind is a sigh that lasts until you shut the door.

 It feels so nice to make him and the others miserable. How wonderful it is that it bothers him and the adults that you're angry, silent, and hurt. So much so, that they've acknowledged what they did was wrong. What about everything else? What about the entire project? There's a lot to pay for and this little morsel they gave will not cover it.   -------------

You don't understand why you are nervous about telling Izuku. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t really mean anything. Are you making it a bigger deal than it is? 

He stands in the kitchen with Noa on his hip. Noa sniffs a seasoning that Izuku brings to his nose. The toddler wrinkles his nose and says 'no'. This continues until Izuku finds one he likes then has Noa put it into a saucepan. 

If or when he has kids, they will be so loved. Izuku is always busy and is easily distracted, but when Noa wants the least bit of attention, his papa will stretch himself thin just to be there. Strangely enough, he’s a blessing. Who would have thought that this guy who you saw on a phone screen for two seconds would be Noa’s papa? A good one, too. 

The scene is sweet and domestic. Noa is starting to have very obvious features of Izuku. The more you look at Noa, you can see that he’s grown. The teachers must’ve increased his age already. Taking a deep breath, you walk up to them and ask, “Izuku, can I talk to you for a minute?” He perks up at the sound of your voice. Noa squints his eyes at you. “Mm!”

He still won’t call you mom. You’ve deduced that his ‘mm’ is his version of mom and that he’s doing it on purpose.

“It’ll be a second, bud. I’ll be right back.” He sets Noa down and turns the stove on low. Noa crosses his arms and taps his foot. 

“What’s up?” Izuku looks over your face for a clue. You clear your throat. “Ah, Snipe’s bitch ass told me that Kaibara doesn’t have to be an active participant right now.”

“Hm?”

“I was confused about that too. It means that I don’t have to rely on him for my grades. And that um,” You scratch your cheek. “You can be like, Noa’s stepdad or something? I already put you in my reports-”

“You do?” His eyes shine and his cheek blooms a light shade of pink. It looks pretty on his face. “Yeah. I mean, you’ve done a lot for me and Noa so it’s only right.” He sucks in his lips to hide his obvious smile. 

One of your hands is behind your back while the other plays with your ear. “Anyway, I just wanted to ask if it’s okay. I’m already doing it but I’ll stop if you want me to.”

“Yes.”

“You can say no.”

“Even though you’ve already started?” You frown. “Well, yeah…you can still tell me no.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m flattered that you write about me,” He licks his lips. “What do you write? I mean, I don’t know much about your reports, so I want to know what you say.”

You purse your lips and roll your eyes. “I tell them that you’re a crybaby that Noa peed on and who likes gory porn.” 

The pink on his cheeks spread. “N-no! No, I do not! And he peed on you too!”

“Ha! Not as much as he did you. It was like a fountain. Like, shhh!” You imitate water sounds. He scoffs and crosses his arms, trying to look tough. It's hard to take it seriously when he looks cute. 

“He shhh'ed on you first!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Uh-huh! I remember because you started screaming like a sissy girl.” What kind of insult is that? Clearly, he doesn't do this often. Then, you stop and lean in. “Like a girl from your gory porno movies?”

“(Y/n)!”

You poke his chest. “You are a 'prevert'. That’s worse than a pervert. You probably liked me screaming like those girls in those movies.”

There’s something in you, something a little weird and devious. You get closer to him. The space is almost non-existent and gives him a view of your chest if he looks down. He is red from head to toe and stiff as a board. You smile and poke his face teasingly. Right when you are about to harass him some more, Noa’s little voice sounds from behind you. 

“Porn?” Both you and Izuku, who has darkened eyes, gasp and turn to look at the source. Noa cocks his head to the side. “No, no, no! Don’t say that.”

Noa squints his eyes. “Go back in the kitchen, buddy. I’ll be there in a second.”

You clear your throat and look down. You were so caught up in messing with Izuku that Noa slipped your mind. His hand rubs the back of his neck. Clearly, he’s in the same boat. “I have an idea,” Izuku slowly grins again. The red has calmed down but not by much. At least he's breathing again. “What if we do our own birth certificate? If you want to! It’s up to you!”

Even after all these months, he thinks he has to ask when it concerns Noa. 

“I’d like that.” If it looks cute, you may even frame it.

-

 It’s Noa’s construction paper and has been written in Izuku’s handwriting since it is more legible. He put the words ‘birth certificate’ on the top and the date. There isn’t anything fancy on it other than Noa’s information and your name next to ‘mom’ and Izuku’s name next to ‘papa’.  Underneath both of yours is where Noa’s name will go. “Boy, get in here, we wanna talk to you.”

Noa comes around the counter. “I’m waiting!” For him being so young, he’s very vocal and speaks clearly. It’s amazing, actually. Even if he is putting his hands on his hips impatiently as he taps his foot on the floor. He's clearly got Izuku's personality.

 “Noa, c’mere for a sec.” You take the paper out and point. “Baby boy, this is a birth certificate. It’s how people know who you and your parents are. See? My name is right here.”

“Okay…” He answers slowly. You rub the top of his head. “What’s your name?” You ask.

“Noa.”

“What’s your full name?” Without hesitation, he says so clearly, “Noa Midoriya.”

You write it down on his line. Izuku sniffles when you finish. “Want to sign it too?” Noa bounces and takes the marker with his left hand and swirls it around. Apparently, it’s his signature. 

Izuku twirls him around. You will copy this so you can keep the original. That copy is going right into Snipe’s face and telling him to choke.

----------

After your ceremony and dinner, you decide to pick up the toys that his papa keeps buying him. It’s sweet but a pain to have to help Noa pick up and organize. Right when you bend over to pick up one of Noa’s many toys, he hits your butt. He's been finding it fun to hit nowadays despite your warning.

“Izuku, get your kid before I do. I’ve been trying to be gentle but-”

“I know, I know, my dear. Noa, c’mere.” He pats his lap for Noa to jump onto. “Look, I know you love Mm and don’t mean to hurt her, but you are. You’re hurting people when you do that.”

The kid purses his lips. “Sorry.”

“Are you sorry because you got caught or because you mean it? They are different.”

“Caught.”

“Oh my God…” You whisper. Groaning, you turn to continue your task. The amount of plushies, blocks, his tool kits, and the kitchen supplies he has are more fun than witnessing this.

“Noa, it’s not right to hit Mm. She’s your mom and your friend. You can’t hit her.”

Noa growls. “Yes, I can!” Izuku shakes his head no. “It’s hurting her feelings, Noa. That’s not right.”

Noa takes this in for literally three seconds. He side eyes his dad and says, “No.”

Izuku frowns which is new to Noa. “It's not nice. You are going to stop hitting, Noa Midoriya. Understand?" Izuku's firm voice is just as new to Noa.  

You turn to look and see Noa’s eyes watering. His voice wobbles. “Sorry.”

Izuku holds him close and rubs his toddler's back. “Hitting people is in the past. Now let’s grow.” He kisses Noa's wet cheek. 

Noa gets down and waddles to you. He squeezes you tight and says sorry. The tears and snot on his face are wiped on your pant leg. You didn't get this treatment when you tried to talk to him.

You put your hands on your hips. “Why the hell-”

Noa points his finger at you. “She smack too!” Snitch ass.

“Imma smack you!” 

“(Y/n)!”

-

Noa listens intently to your words of The Greatest Love Story. You’ve read it numerous times, yet he still gets excited. Strangely, Izuku does as well. His green eyes are so vibrant as you read the book.

Izuku has his head on your lap and Noa lays on his papa's chest that he covers a chunk of. If this project continues for a while, Noa may be as big as he is. It is almost impossible to fathom but likely that the heroes will do that. How do you even care for a teenager? You can barely take care of yourself.

“(Y/n),” Izuku murmurs. You stop reading for him to continue. “Thank you for everything.”

“What?” 

“You’ve made me so happy, dearie. I don't know when I smiled so much or even felt this important without the world on my shoulders. I don’t have to fight or die when I’m with you.” He looks away, bashful as always. “I’m…at peace. I’m happy.”

Deep inside, you know it is about Noa. Without him, Izuku wouldn’t give you the time of day. Nevertheless, you’ll take what you can get from him. You will gladly accept and cherish this moment. It's not going to last forever, and you know this. Izuku's new content and relaxed nature with you will end when Noa fades away. Still, you will accept these precious moments anyway, despite the ache it will leave. 

“Since the wars, I’ve felt so guilty. Everyone got dragged into it. Even you. For years I let it eat at me, and I always will,” His eyes meet yours. “Then I saw you.” His finger reaches your cheek to poke it. His eyelids are droopy. He's so close to sleep that he doesn't realize he's saying this out loud.

“Thank you for everything. Thank you for listening.” His hand lowers while yours reaches his curly head and massages it. Your hand goes through his soft, thick strands easily.  Izuku drifts to sleep and into a peaceful dream.   "My pleasure."

--------------

You finish the report happily. It started off rocky but the ending is great. You staple on the copy of Noa’s new birth certificate. Happiness isn’t enough to describe this feeling.

The light of the sun is bright and shines in your room. Around this time, Izuku would Facetime or call. He could be doing anything. Most likely, it’s training since he hasn’t been doing it very often. You still feel guilty when he reassures you that it’s okay. However, he is apparently quirkless and thus needs the extra training that he’s been skimping out on which adds onto your guilt.

“I miss Papa.” Noa’s small voice whispers. His fluffy head peeks out from his blanket.

“And I miss when you used to behave. Think about that.”

He pouts and sniffles. His little feet pad against the wooden floor. You turn in your chair to look at him and spot the blue paper he has in his hand. “You want to give that to him?”

You bounce along to search for Izuku and show him the new cute thing Noa’s done. The little toddler ‘drew’ a big circle and squiggly lines and insisted that they were you, Izuku, and Noa. It will tickle his papa to see that Noa notices the little details and has his own spin on them. 

“Will he like it?” Noa squeezes your hand. “How could he not? This belongs on the fridge of fame!” You pick him up and give him a kiss. It’s amazing that even though he’s three, he is so freaking smart. 

  Just as you open the dorm’s door and stride into the yard, you see Izuku. He is standing with his back turned towards you with his gym outfit on and a towel over his shoulder. Immediately, Noa bounces up and down when he spots his papa. His little hand remains in yours as he tugs on you when he runs.   The two of you are in earshot of the group and what is being debated steals the breath from your lungs.

“Midoriya, she’s leaning on you too much.” The voice sounds bubbly. Not the current tone but it reminds you of bubble gum for some reason. Whoever said this must be normally peppy. You can’t remember her name, but she almost beat Kacchan in the Sports Festival this year. The one Noa didn’t allow you to witness and Izuku still holds the video that you haven’t watched.

“Uraraka’s right. You would’ve aced that test had she not asked for your help all of the time.” That one sounds familiar but you can’t place it. At Izuku's sides are a guy with weird elbows, the bubbly one, and Benio’s baby mama. The familiar voice must be in front of Izuku and his built body covers them. Even though you’re shocked by what’s happening, that doesn’t stop you from admiring his figure.

“There’s nothing wrong with anyone asking for help. And she isn’t asking-”

“Didn’t she ask you to babysit?” A couple of times, maybe?

“Hasn’t she literally brought Noa to you when you were studying when Kaibara’s right there?” When was that?

“I think it’s cool that you’re doing this. It really shows that you are genuinely kind. But Midoriya, don’t feel bad just because of what she’s going through. Kaibara is right there. Let him handle that." The tape guy places his hand on Izuku’s shoulder. His easy-to-draw face shows the concern he apparently has.

Izuku clenches his fists and releases. “You have no idea what you’re talking about-”

You suck in your lips to stop them from wobbling. Noa touches your leg. He tilts his head to the side. They’re right. You’ve been too dependent on him. He has absolutely nothing to do with this and you’ve dragged him into your drama time and time again. 

Noa shakes the paper with the drawing on it. You leave before anyone can hear him, most of all, Midoriya.

“Papa’s gotta see!” The talking stops. You don’t stay to hear or see anything else that’s happening behind you. They’re right and that’s it. You… you are too reliant. Noa did run away and could have gotten hurt. Did he feel pressured to sign the paper? He seemed happy but heroes lie all the time. Just like now, these people have a smile on their faces when they see you but will say these things behind your back.

You stop walking. What the hell are you doing?

You turn back around and stomp towards the group. “So, I push things onto him, yeah?”

The green-haired bastard turns around. His face lights up until he sees the steam coming out of your ears. “Dear-” 

“Hush!” You stomp over to his friends. “Which one? Which one thinks I’m pushing things?” A boy with yellow hair and a lightning bolt stripe on it peeks from around Izuku. Fucking Denki! No wonder it sounded familiar.

You take Noa’s drawing and roll it up. He goes to protest but you slip him under your arm like a football. Without hesitation, you swing his paper at them in various places. Benio’s baby mama is the first to go. The paper swats her in the face then Denki Kaminari is next with several hits. The tape guy gets a jab in the face whereas the pink-cheeked one takes a beating since she has a big fucking mouth. 

Izuku tries to grab the paper from you. In return, you swing it at him. “Dumb,” Smack. “Ass,” Smack. “Mother-”

He picks you up and is careful with Noa. “I dare any of you to say-let me go, stupid! Let me go! I’m not done-”

“Yes, you are.” His tone is harsh and stern; it makes you tense for a moment.

He enters the general studies dormitory with you over his shoulder. He goes up the stairs rather than take the elevator. The people who roam around stare at you. Ema in particular stops chewing her sandwich and watches with wide eyes.

You can’t believe this. “Why are you not saving me-”

Izuku goes up another flight of stairs, completely ignoring everyone. He sets Noa down and searches your back pocket for your room key. He unlocks the door and Noa runs in first towards his art set. 

He puts you down and slams the door. Looking at his frown pisses you off. “You weren’t going to say anything. How many times have they talked shit about me, huh?” He doesn’t respond. Izuku’s chest falls and rises. You get up and go up to him. 

“You suck! God, if you want to leave, then leave!”

“No!” Noa runs to his papa. Ah, shit. 

“Papa’s not going anywhere, buddy. Don’t you worry about that, okay?” Noa squeezes his leg. Izuku kneels down to Noa’s level. “Alright? I’m not leaving.”

“She say-”

“Mm doesn’t understand that I’m not leaving. I’ll tell her.” Noa gives his papa a big kiss. Izuku sets him on his bed. Noa jumps on it. “I won’t be high!”

“Good!” Izuku turns to you. “I’m not leaving."

“You didn’t tell them. If we are such a burden, then the door is always open for you to go. I’m not going to let people think that way of us.” He sighs and comes closer. You end up backing up a few steps and hit the wall. Why's he mad at you? You didn't do anything wrong.

“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. They may be my friends, and I love them dearly, but they are wrong. This is my choice. You have never forced anything on me," His green eyes trail over your face. They soften greatly. "You know, I’m pretty sure they get the hint where you’re concerned. I haven’t seen them look like that in years.”

“And I’ll do it again.” You wanted and needed to release your anger. It's about time you let go. Who knows? Maybe hitting them with paper wasn't the right thing to do. Maybe you needed something heavier.

His hands are pressed on the wall by your sides. “I’m not going. I need you to breathe,” He sighs and leans in. “I’m not leaving, and you are not a burden. I’m happy to be here. I’m happy with you. Let me deal with them, (Y/n).”

 Your arms are crossed and you look down. Noa keeps jumping on the bed while witnessing this. Although Izuku assured that he’d handle it, you can’t scratch out what they said nor can you let go of how he acted like a manic caveman. Both things are uncomfortable and he may not fully understand.

 “What they said-”

“Is wrong. How can you be a burden?" He stops talking and moves his arms away. Izuku rubs the back of his neck. "How can you be a burden when it's fun to be around you? You’re smart, funny, a good person-”

“Izuku?”

“You’re strong and brave, creative and a fighter.” He's counting on his fingers.

“Um-” You've seen his muttering episodes, but this is the first time it's about you and not your quirk. His low voice continues without a hitch. Izuku looks directly into your eyes without shame. He may not realize that he’s verbally saying these things. “You smell good, and dress nice, you let Noa help you get ready which I think is really cute, and-” He freezes completely. His eyes are totally blank. If he was a robot, he’d be considered on the fritz.

 Izuku covers his mouth to quiet the shriek. Because you’re a nice person, you change the subject.

“Look at his picture, Deku.” You mimic that one girl’s voice. What is that pink cheek's name? There is something there that can sense that she's going to be trouble. Not only was she talking mad shit about you, but you didn't like how she looked at her Deku.

You still had a hold on it when he carried you away. You hand him the blue paper. With a grin, he compliments it and agrees that it needs to be on the fridge of fame. “Hear that Noa? It’s going up!”

“Yes!” His little hands snatch it from his papa’s. He runs out the door with the two of you quickly behind. Noa bursts through the kitchen and puts one of the kids’ magnets on his paper. The little cupcake magnet and drawing stand out among the Post-it notes and lists. 

“What’s all this?” Izuku, who has calmed down, touches one of the post-its that is losing its stickiness. You shrug and read it. “My list.”

You haven’t wanted to think about it, honestly. Not that you’re procrastinating, it’s just sad to think about. Everyone has a section of the kitchen. Yeah, it’s normal for everyone to borrow something from others, but it is still embarrassing when you’re the one who is constantly doing it. Throughout the years, you hoped you’d appear as a minimalist or something and not the struggling student that you’ve always been. Now that Izuku is frowning at your list and is opening your things, you are becoming mortified. How did he miss it in the first place? He was right here in the kitchen the other day.

“(Y/n)-”

You point to all the items you have. “Noa isn’t going without, okay? Look, I have food.” Izuku doesn’t say anything. Not one word. The clock dings a new hour.

“(Y/n), I want you to take this,” He digs into his pocket and pulls out his wallet. “And get some groceries. I have to go so you’re going to have to go alone.”

His card is sleek and looks new. There isn't any wear and tear on it at all. “No.” Your response is automatic and made from a prideful will that has been built for years. Humiliation can sink into your flesh and make you hotter than a stove all it wants to, but the defense for your parenting and survival is something that can’t wait. 

“Bunny, please take it-”

“No! I’m not a charity.” You snap.

He frowns as you point to the clock. “You have something to do, right? Noa, give sugars!”

Noa hugs Papa tight. “I’ll see you soon, Bub. And you,” Izuku points to you. “We’ll talk later.”

As he walks out of the dorm reluctantly. You watch as he disappears and wonder if you messed up.     ----------

“Mm! I want something different.” He swishes his spoon that rested in his little white bowl. You sigh and look down at your hands. The soup is one you know by heart and rely on when times are tough. At his age, you were saying the same thing about the tomato soup. You now know what your mother felt during times of struggle. You suck in your lips and try to reason with Noa. “Just one more bite?”

He groans and pouts. He flicks his blue spoon again. “I want Papa.” 

Yeah, this is way too familiar. “Noa, one more bite. Then you can talk to Papa. It’s dinnertime so he may be on his way.” Noa lights up and bounces in his chair. He happily scoops up some of his food and chews the noodles. “Mm, okay!” He extends his arms for the phone. You dial for Izuku and hand Noa the phone. 

The entire time you don’t speak another word. You grab his unfinished food and your empty bowl that you reluctantly ate. In the pot is the soup you grew up with and you too became tired of it. You stir it as you look at its bits of onion and noodles. 

“Mm, here you go! Papa had to leave but he’ll be home, okay?” He kisses your cheek and runs away to the living room. You wipe your hands on your apron. 

You see the soup in the pot again and pour it out. You hang your head low and hit the counter with your hand. Relying on Deku for everything is not an option. You are an independent person who has fought and lived through the rough patches. No way are you going to rely on a partner for a project. What if you become accustomed to it? What if you become reliant on him and lose your way? He’s a nice man who decided that he really likes Noa. Nothing more than that. It’s ridiculous he offered his card in the first place. 

Noa only ate a few bites. You need to get him to eat a little more but what? He’s been so picky lately, that it’s hard to keep up. At least Izuku feeds him well. When he’s with you, he refuses. Damn, your stupid, stupid pride. You take a deep breath and bite your lip. This project is stupid. What purpose does it serve? How is this helping you with anything other than increasing your hatred? Not just for heroes, but everything and everyone? Noa’s feelings about the tiring soup in the sink are too relatable. This project makes you feel so guilty, so inadequate. Is this how your mother felt when raising you? Did Izuku’s mama feel this way, too? Does he share the same feelings as you have right now?

Behind you, a familiar voice calls out. You quickly wipe your face as Noa’s hurried little feet pad across the floor. Speak of the devil, and he’ll appear. Izuku Midoriya stands behind you with Noa in one arm and a pizza in his other hand. The gesture is nice, it’s great. God, do you want to crumble that pizza in his face. 

He sets them both down and grabs Noa a plate. “Here you go, bud. Go sit at the table.”

You remember back in the day, your mother would always say that the crust was her favorite part. Back then, you thought she was weird and didn’t realize that she was lying so you could eat. Looking at this giant pie that’s in front of you, you don’t have to repeat her words. And God, you hate Izuku for it. You’re happy and grateful even when this ball that goes from your stomach to your chest feels like he’s doing it out of spite. He’s not doing it to hurt you, you’re positive of that. He probably already picked it up before Noa called. 

“Hey.” Izuku walks to you tentatively. His eyes scan you for anything out of place. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Dear, please.”

“I’m fine.” You walk past him until his arm sticks out to block you. His hand is spread against the wall to your side. His fingers still have specks of dirt on them and his knuckles are red again. What happened to his suit? He must’ve had a long day.

“Darling, please, what’s wrong?” You shake your head and side eye him. You miss the days where he was a bashful puppy dog. You’re happy that he’s comfortable and doesn’t look constipated all the time, though. “Nothing.”

He furrows his brows. “Did something happen? Did Kaibara mess with you?” 

“No, no. It’s not that. I’ll deal with it on my own. It’s a personal problem.”

“The teachers? My friends? Who did it-”

You stop him. “No one did anything! It’s not that!” He sighs and tilts his head. “Please tell me. I can help.”

You know he can. He has given you the answer but it isn’t the answer you want. You need to stand on your own and here he is saying lean on him, let him carry you. This is new. Brand new and so shiny it hurts. You’re afraid to break it so you begin to hate its temptation to use it. 

His provision won’t last. The project could end at any time. 

“I don’t need you.” He looks struck for a second then recovers quickly. “Is this about the card?”

“No.”

“(Y/n).”

Noa tears into his slice of pizza that he dismembered. The cheese is to the side and has been picked on like a bird’s pecks. “He’s not eating what I can give him.”

“He’s at that stage. It’s normal, (Y/n).” You shake your head. “I mean, I can only give him the same thing over and over. He’s tired of it.”

Izuku hums and grabs a hold of your shoulders. “Well, that only means we’re going to the store.”

“I don’t need-”

“I’m his dad, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So, I have to make sure he eats and if that means filling the fridge up, I’ll do it.” 

There was a time when your mother would have jumped at this kind of offer. The time she was sick of soup and a five dollar pizza was a luxury she only got once in a blue moon. Now, here it is in front of you. It’s shiny like a diamond but temporary. 

“I’ll pay for my own things.” 

“If your friends were to ask you for something, would you give it to them if you had the means?”

“Yeah.” Maybe. Not likely.

“Good. Now eat so we can go.”

-----------------

Noa is hand and hand with the both of you. He swings around and giggles. Izuku looks at you in the corner of his eye. “I don’t mean to trample on your feelings.”

“Which one?"

 He sighs. "I'd like to hear them all, if you don't mind."

 You point at him and answer, "I'm not accustomed to being manhandled or told what to do, first of all." He twirls a green curl. A subtle flush blooms on his face. "Sorry about that. It was wrong of me, wasn't it?"

 "Yes, it was, you deranged caveman. And this," You wave your hand in the air. "I'm not used to it."

“I understand." He licks his lips. "I don't mean to hurt your feelings. I want to do the exact opposite."

Noa doesn't notice the conversation. Or maybe he does and isn't caring. “I appreciate it, I swear, but no one has ever done any of this, y’know? It’s like giving up the reins.”

“You're not-”

“Then I look at him and think I'm failing.” Izuku holds the door open for you. Noa skips the lines on the floor, hopping over them so he can stick to his pattern. Izuku grabs the cart and sticks Noa inside it, much to the toddler’s dislike. “You are not failing.”

Izuku brings out a sheet of paper with your handwriting on it from his pocket. He must’ve taken it when you weren’t looking. Seeing the length, it feels like someone is reading your homework in front of the class and you got every question wrong. 

“Stop comparing yourself to people who have more and realize how far you’ve gotten without the resources they have. Noa is the oldest out of all of them. That alone should tell you that you are,” He puts his hand on your back and rubs circles on it. “An amazing mom. Don’t listen to those thoughts, okay?”

He reaches behind you and pulls All Might fruit snacks from the shelf. You roll your eyes. “That’s not on the list.”

“It is for me.” He looks at the box and murmurs about it being Silver Age All Might. You laugh and he perks up. "There she is."

The three of you continue on through the store, putting things in the cart from the list and then some. You are looking at noodles when you hear Izuku’s excited voice. 

“Hey, look!” Izuku goes to a small section of hero merchandise. “Noa, do you like it?” 

Izuku holds an All Might t-shirt in a slightly bigger size for Noa. Then, much to Izuku’s dismay and surprise, Noa wrinkles his nose and says that he doesn’t like All Might. Not because of the design of the shirt, but because to Noa, All Might wasn’t a good hero. 

You’re going to strangle them both. Here you are with a cart filled with food and your two boys are arguing. Izuku Midoriya, the famed Deku, is arguing with a three-year-old on why All Might is a great hero. 

“Nuh-uh!” Noa shakes his head. You cover your face with your hand. “Yes huh!”

Several people turn to look at the scene. Some look amused and others look at you to separate the two boys. You yank the shirt away and put it into the cart. You pull both of their ears. “Okay, Noa, you can wear the shirt to bed so no one will see it. Izuku, it’s okay if he doesn’t like All Might.” 

“Ow.” 

“Hush. Y’all so embarrassing, oh my God.” Noa sits in the cart which you leave with Izuku. When he opens his mouth, you snap. “Eh! No, it’s done, it’s over, boys!” You walk away shaking your head. Other mothers raise their eyebrows in shock at the two miscreants. 

“Sorry, sorry.” You quickly head to the other aisle. 

Suddenly, you hear two voices not belonging to your boys. They call out Izuku’s hero name. Curious, you peek around the corner to watch. He is stiff as a board when they take pictures with him. You can’t help but smile at his discomfort. 

The guy in the yellow points to Noa. “Oh, it’s one of the U.A. babies!” 

“I thought they were smaller?” The other sport horns on their head and has whiskers.

Shit, shit, shit! You turn into the aisle. Before you can take another step, Izuku’s soft expression towards Noa makes you stop. “Yeah, he’s mine. They grow! He’s already three. Aren’t you?” 

Noa kicks his feet and repeats his age. It’s heartwarming seeing how proud he is of Noa. Alas, there is a deep feeling that this is about to go south soon. As if you manifested it, one of them asks, “So, when’s the big showdown anyway?”

“What?”

They ignore his question and keep talking. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to see at least one hero give a damn. But I still don’t think this project is fair.”

You suppress a smile from their support. “I agree. It doesn’t make sense to me and a lot of us. But I’m happy to be a part of it. I mean, look at him!”

One of the fans bounces and waves at Noa which he returns. “He looks just like you!” Clearly, Noa favors you! Now is not the time to argue about it, though. What you need to do is get Izuku away from them.

“He does look a lot like me, huh?” Izuku’s voice is soft and his eyes match the tone. It’d be a sweet moment if his fans weren’t talking. 

“Doesn’t that mean you spend a lot of time with him? I saw on-”

“Yeah! The class with all the babies talks about it a lot. Leave it to Deku to be a great dad to Noa!” 

Izuku’s bashful face turns into confusion. “Wait, how do you know-”

“From the videos. What are they-I think General Studies are putting an argument together! Isn’t that cool?” 

Izuku’s eyes widen and his mouth parts. The horned one waves their arms. “I-I’m sure not you, though! I mean, look at Noa! Clearly, you’re one of the good ones.”

“As expected! Even though heroes are acting like shit.” They mutter.

Izuku turns his head to you, who is standing at the end of the aisle no doubt looking like a deer in headlights. His fans follow and wave at you. “See! Her, right there.”

You were so stressed out about the project, you forgot that people have eyes and memories. You didn’t expect people to recognize you. If only you could have snuck out of here like a smooth criminal. 

“Good luck with Hawks!”

-----------------

Izuku carries in the groceries all by himself while you handle Noa. He even helps put the stuff away despite it being past curfew to enter the dorms. The three of you barely made it in time. 

“Izuku?” He remains quiet and picks Noa up. He goes to your room, making you follow him. Like the magician he is, Izuku managed to get Noa to sleep just by walking to your room. He changes his son's clothes and tucks him in. 

“He can brush his teeth in the morning.” Noa’s papa whispers. In his hand is the bag with the things Noa threw in there. Some toys, a random hat, and a magazine about pandas he found in the checkout. Izuku takes all of it out and starts to put stuff away. 

“Izuku, please say something.” Izuku straightens up with more of Noa’s things in his hand to put them in the proper place. 

“I need some of his things in my room too.” If it were a different situation, you may have giggled given how fatherly he’s acted today while wearing a t-shirt that hugs him loosely with the word “Dad” on it.

“S-sure. We can do tomorrow since-”

He interrupts you. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

You start to stutter. “B-because I knew you’d be against it since it has to do with your friends and the teachers you adore so much. If you knew that we’re building a case against you guys, you’d’ve been furious!”

He doesn’t say anything but continues to put Noa’s things away in drawers. He then goes to your bed and starts to make it. “Izuku, please. You know I’m right.”

He stops tucking in the comforter and stares at you. “You should’ve told me, (Y/n).”

You shift on your feet and bite your lip. “Izuku, I’m not trying to hurt you. Just the heroes and your friends.”

He sighs and finishes the bed. It’s pristine and so tight you could bounce a quarter on it. “Why can’t you be honest with me?”

“About me going to your boss’s boss and telling him of this travesty? You would have accepted that? Come on, Izuku. You’d’ve hated me. Hell, you’re mad now!”

“I know I’m mad! I’m pissed off. Not just because you’re going to attack my friends and our teachers, but you lied.” He fluffs your pillows and arranges them in proper order.

“Lied?”

“Lying by omission. You didn’t even say anything. Damn it, (Y/n). Why didn’t you trust me? Why aren’t you giving my friends a chance?”

You scoff at his take and his hypocrisy. Does he not remember hiding the caregiver situation? “A chance? They’ve had months of chances and they’ve turned them away. And your dear teachers add to our pain with no remorse. Yes, yes, I didn’t tell you. Yes, I am taking everyone to the hero commission. It's going to hurt. But this is happening. We’re struggling, we’re in pain. Damn it, Deku. How many times do I have to cry in front of you for you to understand what’s really going on?”

He clenches his fists then let's go. You continue your rant relentlessly. “Not to mention that whole caregiver thing you were hiding! Yeah, I still remember that. So, let us not forget who the liar is here.”

"Oh my-" He stops in the middle of his sentence and looks around your room. You roll your eyes and gesture around. "You're running out of things to clean. What's next? The windows? Need some Windex?" 

His eyes go to your window and to your door. He heads to it before he's stopped by your hand. "Okay, no, no, no!" Izuku's nostrils are flared. The deep frown looks like it'll be permanent if he doesn't ease up. He clenches his fists repeatedly then lets go.

“I’m sorry, (Y/n), I’m sorry! I get it. A false hero society, right?” He sighs and plops down on your bed. Izuku rubs his face. “I know, I know. You’re not the first one.”

The confession makes you freeze. He goes on, “What’s happening is wrong. You’re right about that. But why couldn’t you have told me? Trust me? Yes, I messed up several times. Probably more than I’ve made you feel safe, (Y/n).”

He’s hurt you and lied. However, he has made you feel safe before. You aren't taking that from him.

“Because these people are heroes and you look up to them. I couldn’t risk you turning us in when we’re not ready. I’m still afraid you’ll go against me,” You stare into his green eyes. “I’m gunning for all of the heroes. The way you feel the need to fight a villain is the same way I feel. We’ve been wronged time and time again. You can’t see it since it’s not happening to you. Izuku, hon, you’re important to me but this is important too.”

He can keep a secret, just like he did when he knew you were working. But this concerns the people he loves. His steps reach you in no time. He whispers, “It’ll hurt me. But as long as it’s you, then fine.” 

Before, it may have been genuine but now it sounds like he’s reminding himself to set an alarm clock or do homework. After a few beats of silence, you ask, “Are you going to tell?”

Gazing into your eyes, he says, “I’m going to help. Tell me what to do.”

If he’d let you, you’d give him a kiss that’d rival his dream. The one that was from The Greatest Love Story. In the book, it is said that there were only a few legendary kisses. If he would want it, you’d give him another. Not because you’re using him for the cause, but because it’s him. 

“Honestly, I need help with um, insider information,” He raises his brows. “I also need help with school. We all do, actually. You see, this project is messing with us. It’s hard to take care of kids, go to school full time, work, and plan mass destruction.”

You intended for that to be playful, and it fell flat instead.

“I’ll help you. We can study together some more.” He tilts his head. “I have some of my old notes that you guys can use, too.”

You know what he’s doing. Izuku’s trying to distract himself from what’s bothering him. Because of Noa, he’s put himself directly into the line of fire. Metaphorically sacrificing himself. And this happens after he thanked you for being a safe haven. How do you make it better?

“I’ll take Noa more often. We need to bond more anyway.” 

“Are you sure about this?” His green curls move when he nods his head. He hugs you, fitting your face against him. “What’s happening is wrong. It’s not fair to you or anyone else.”

You nod and hug him back since he’s muffled your mouth. He has gotten relaxed with you to where he can talk and touch without turning into a tomato. Izuku doesn't hesitate to call you an affectionate name since the two of you are friends. He feels comfortable enough to argue with you without stuttering. You don't like that but at least he'd tell you what he feels. Right now, you ripped that away from him. 

Suddenly, his pocket vibrates. Izuku hums and brings it out. On it is the name Ochako. He hides the message and sticks it back in his pocket. Before you can bring it up, he hugs you again. 

His shoulders shake and there is a sniffle in your ear. “Izuku, be honest with me. If this is too much, let me know.” You whisper.

In response, Izuku rubs your back in circles. You know that he agrees that the baby project is nonsensical, but the people who you are punishing are his friends and comrades. Heroes need to be put in their place but Izuku's crying. How do you make it less painful? 

  You hug him tighter and place soft kisses on him as wet droplets fall on your shoulder.

-

@xoxoangellll @js-favnanadoongi @imas1mpp @candiiee @moodyhuesworld @dinorawrss @luvrluvrr @bigchungusdrinksspritecranberry @d4n1elll4 @4ishere @lunavixia @shortchubbybibi @jazzywazzy859 @kksmush

if you weren't tagged let me know!

[randomreadingtimewithtsuki]

Idk I thought this idea might be cute:

Rin, Shima and any of the other cram school kids: their crush falls asleep on their shoulder while studying 🥺

🩵😺

Hello!

Thank you for requesting ad forgive for the delay! Ihave been extremily busy at work :c

Anyway! I hope you enjoy what i have to offer, please let me know what you think!

Tsuki's note: Reader is a exorcist here. Also i picked Ryuji. For Shima's i will let you run wild with whatever shennanigans you may think they went through.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rin

You often helped Rin study.

It didn't even need to be close to exam week for you to be with him, studying.

The boy was trying his best!

Doing his homework with you and stuff.

Today you were helping him with some extra work Yukio gave him - according to his little brother, Rin's grade were too bad and he needed extra lessons to fixate the subject.

you had explained it to him a couple of times and was just watching him do the quizzes.

You were exhausted. You had recently come back from a mission, but you insisted on helped Rin.

Yukio only gave two days to finish the regular work + extra, so...

You were peaking over his shoulder to take a look at his answers.

At time you would make him questions to confuse him on purpose - If he truly learned, then he would be able to correct you or question you.

Which he did fairly ok.

As he went on getting the quiz right you started to feel your heavy.

It didn't help he was really warm - like a fuzzy blanket.

You also felt safe, much so people dismay.

You soon fell asleep.

Rin notice your lack of replies as he asked you a question.

He turned his head to see you leaning on his shoulder.

Your cheek were pressed against the side of his arm and you were snoring lightly.

Rin chuckled to himself calling you a silly person for coming to help him even though you were so tired.

He also felt his face burn and reach 5 shades of red. But his stare at you was very kind and loving.

He thought a little bit what he should do - stay still or carry you to his bed?

He finally made his mind that allowing you to rest on his bed would be the best for your back and neck.

Rin gently lifted you on his arms and placed you as carefully as he could on his bed.

You showed signs of being kind of awake, but Rin soon soothed you while covering you with a blanket.

The boy admired you for a moment there then, in jolted , decided to try hard at his work for your sake!

By the time you woke up, Rin was fast asleep on his table, but all of his assignment were done. A bit wet from his drooling but done.

Your turn to place a blanket around him.

And so you went with Kuro to fetch something for you three to eat.

Shima ( Renzo)

You were helping him study to catch up on a pushiment that Yukio gave him - to a write a massive essay about a very rare and specific demon.

The boy could be a massive coward at times and have a terrible grade.

Other times he was oddly brave and clever, go figure.

Renzo was whinnying the whole time about how unfair this was - he wasn't the only involved in the incident, the other boys were there too!

You sighed and hit his head with rolled paper sheet - no use complaining now, what is done, is done.

You were helping read the books to gather info on this demon, but his attention wasn't that great, he often flirted with you.

He eventually complained you were being too cold with him by just giving the books some attention.

So you decided to sit next to him - shoulder touching shoulder.

This made him blush a bit and get his ears red.

The boy still played it cool, kinda of.

Being this close you pointed out things for him to take note about the demon.

It was a lengthy and tiring process.

Finally he had all the notes, just had to write in an essay shape!

While he was at it, Renzo would sometimes chitchat about something with you.

You were leaning your head on the palm of your hand and soon enough your eyes got heavy.

You ended up dozing off and your head slightly leaning on the boy's shoulder.

The sudden tough made him call for you.

No answer. No called again and looking to his side, only find you gently leaning on his shoulder sleeping.

Renzo laughed to himself, he thought you were so so cute for dozing off like that.

He tried to stay still to best of his powers!

Often times he would think about grabbing our other hand - it was in sight and not far.

Just imagining how nice it would be if he could actually hold your hand....

These thoughts made his ears go red and silly appear on his face.

He allowed you to stay there until you woke up.

By the time you did he, once more, tried a picked up line along of " i didn't know you felt THAT safe, maybe i am your knight in shinning armour"

Which you replied by going red, slapping his head and walking away.

Completely worth it, on his eyes. Your cute blushing face was the high point of the day.

Ryuji

Neither of you needed that much help studying.

You met Ryuji in the school's yard.

He said he had to study "in peace" which probably meant he wanted to be alone or away from Rin and Renzo.

You offered to make him some company!

He reluctantly agreed, to your surprise - as long as you stay quiet, that is.

You decided to read a book while he studied on the yard.

At first you were seated next to each other, but then with time you ended up leaning on his shoulder.

Ryuji was surprised by feeling you lean on his him so suddenly, to the point of complaining about it.

You giggled and explained your reasoning.

As a response you got a sigh from him and a red ear, even though you couldn't see it.

The shade of the trees and the breeze made you fall asleep.

At one point Ryuji called out to you, he wanted to stretch a bit.

You didn't reply.

He called again and look at you, only to find you slightly snoring sleeping.

He sighed again and just watched you for a moment.

His face heating up.

The boy finally decided to let you be.

His arm was tingling, but you looked awfully peaceful.

It took him a while to go back to studying - you were so distracting.

When you woke up, Ryuji teased you without taking his eyes out of the book - " hey, you up sleeping beauty?"

the reason why his eyes didn't raise from the book is because his face would burn at the sight of you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading!

I hope you have enjoyed!

[mins-fins]

a day for love !

"so…what are we exactly?" "mortal enemies". "oh".

synopsis: zhong chenle has too much on his hands, with his musical education studies and being apart of the NCT U student body and basketball team, he has no time for any distractions, but then he meets you, cocky, flirtatious, attractive you, core member of the NCT U fencing team. he's immediately put off, taken aback my your self absorbency and sky high confidence, he finds it annoying, how you never take anything seriously. zhong chenle does not like you, he hates the way you always have his face red, how you make his legs feel weak, how you continue to run through his mind even when he's trying to not think about you. you're so annoying, and he's carrying that sentiment to his grave, he swears.

pairing: zhong chenle x male!reader

genre: university au, strangers to lovers, annoyed (chenle) x annoying (reader), fluff, crack/comedy, again no angst, lowkey fast burn(?), pining pining pining, chenle's in denial the whole time 😭, just super unserious, angry love confessions (kinda), many many other idol cameos, ft. na jaemin the instigator (and also kinda lee heeseung)

warnings: swearing, sexual jokes, mentions of sexy time, threats against your life in like a romantic way, mentions of drinking, lots of back and forth between our main leads, chenle being the stubbornest person ever

word count: 15k

notes: heyyyy… heyyyy…😇 so this is another draft from march that i abandoned for a good few months before finally getting up off my ass and finishing it, im not going to lie, it could've been much better writing wise, the thing that carries this work is the dynamic between chenle & reader which was soooo fun to write because i loosely based it off a dynamic between my irl friends 😭😭 this was originally supposed to come out in may at best BUT.. a lot happened, this is a birthday gift for the one and only user junjiie (take a shot everytime i mention jj in a note) the silliest, my bsf ever, and the person who i constantly attack with unsolicited spoilers! i apologize jj 😓 he listened to all my insane rants about this thing and i always have to thank him bc he's always interested!! happy birthday jj i love you sm 😿 again named after a yukika song, i have a pattern

IF CHENLE IS ANYTHING THESE DAYS, IT'S ANNOYED. it's already annoying enough that he's practically been worked to death this week, given no breaks by the student body or his coach, but now jaemin has decided to drag him away from his work to watch some stupid match between people he doesn't know. now, chenle isn't the kind of person who likes working on friday evenings, but this friday is different, because he genuinely has so much to do and has no time for distractions of any sort. just the sight of jaemin barging into his dorm was enough to make him and sigh and roll his eyes. it wasn't just that, but it was also his insistent begging for chenle to accompany him to his friends little competition, a friend he doesn't even know to begin with.

chenle isn't just annoyed, he's pissed off, his head hurts and there are so many people talking around him. he's currently overwhelmed with thoughts because he has an assignment to turn in soon and because he's standing here looking after jaemin's stuff, even more pissed because jaemin said he'd only be gone a few minutes.

it's been ten minutes, and jaemin is nowhere to be seen.

the moment jaemin appears, chenle swears he's going to punch him in the face. he crosses his arms and lets out his fifth exasperated sigh of the entire hour, a displeased look makes itself apparent in his eyes, what even is this anyway? some dumb fencing competition? chenle doesn't care about this, or about jaemin's friend that he hasn't met yet. at this point, chenle doesn't even want to meet this friend, he's frustrated.

and yeah, maybe it's stupid of him to be dumping all of his frustrations on this friend he hasn't met yet, but he's sleep deprived, and he wants a cup of coffee.

standing around and waiting for jaemin has become boring, so chenle has begun to scour his surroundings. the banners above display your usual school spirit words, all of them talking about beating the other school or something, he hears the people above him conversing about the upcoming competition, making bets on which fighter they think is gonna win.

it's enough to make chenle snicker, they're betting on this like it's a boxing match, it's just dudes fencing, it truly cannot be that serious.

"all this shit for some dumb fencing competition?"

"well, what crawled up your ass today?"

chenle startles when you seem to come out of nowhere, but his momentary fear immediately becomes annoyance once again as he notices your tone of voice. what is he getting an attitude for? chenle doesn't like you already.

"nothing, where the hell did you even come from?"

chenle looks you up and down, taking in your features. you have bewitching eyes, they're a beautiful shade of light brown, your tall, much taller than chenle, your hair falls prettily around your face, a pretty butterfly necklace adorns your neck (chenle has no idea why he's staring there), and your wearing a varsity jacket, the letters NCT U printed on the side.

ah, so he's an athlete. somehow, chenle doesn't put two and two together, or maybe he isn't exactly thinking about that, just annoyed by your audacity.

"i was just.. observing" you respond, shoving your hands into your pockets as you let a small hum leave your lips. "what's with the fencing hate? i don't think it's that bad.."

"your probably saying that because you're a fencer yourself".

a snort. "well— you caught me there".

chenle raises an eyebrow, now your tone confuses him. what is this guy getting at? he can't read you, and he doesn't really like it.

"i'm not even supposed to be here, i have work to do, but now i'm here looking after jaemin's stuff while he's doing who knows what because i agreed to come watch him support his friend!"

"well there's no need to yell.."

chenle glares at you, a certain distaste in his eyes he doesn't think he could replicate with anyone else, but you do sound kinda unreasonable, so he takes a deep breath. "yeah, sorry".

"it's alright".

there's a silence. chenle doesn't know what kind of conversation this is, he's not the kind of person to just interact with strangers like this, he usually doesn't like having conversations with strangers, but he doesn't want to stop this conversation..for some reason. you intrigue him, so he begins again.

"NCT U fencing? i didn't know our school had a fencing team.."

"maybe you just aren't around much, we are the stars of the show after all".

your words make chenle scoff, a small raise of his eyebrow accompanying it. he crosses his arms and examines your varsity jacket once more, then narrows his eyes. wow, what a high ego. "stars of the show? isn't that a little cocky of you to say?"

"cocky? tell that to my fifteen medals" you reply, and that gets an eye roll out of chenle. "and those are just college medals" you whisper, leaning closer.

chenle somehow gets frozen in his spot, not moving back, leaving the two of you with your faces almost pressed together. if he wasn't speechless right now, he would've pushed you away, but your breath fanning against his face and your sudden closeness makes him feel dizzy.

he stares, and he stares for a while. he allows for his eyes to roam your face, and they instinctively fall down to your lips, your lips which just look so tempting.

what the fuck? you don't even know the guy chenle! why are you thinking about kissing him?

"wow, you must be quite the impressive fencer, then".

his words are meant to come off as sarcastic, and he stops staring at your lips so that he can gently push you away from him, trying his best to ignore his currently reddening cheeks. "i am! i would even say so myself, not to give myself too much credit or anything.."

"well that is giving yourself too much credit" a small hum escapes your lips at his words, and you allow for yourself to be humored by his words. "what about the rest of your team?"

"your acting like i called them shitty fencers" you easily reply, glancing down at your watch and sighing as you notice the time. "i never said they don't bring anything important to the team, i'm just acknowledging how good of an asset to the team i am, and that's totally fine, nothing wrong with it".

your reasoning makes sense, but chenle doesn't this conversation to stop just yet. "that's just a level of confidence that seems a little unruly".

"there's nothing wrong with being confident" you say, and chenle allows for his shoulders to fall. he can't exactly disagree with that. "i know how good of a fencer i am, and you should be applauding me for that".

"maybe i'll applaud you when i actually see you display such skills".

you snicker at chenle's words, he hates that you look so good, he doesn't even know you, but you've managed to both annoy and sort of make him swoon in one go. "well it's your lucky day, you can cheer me on when i beat my opponent in a few minutes".

ah. chenle thinks back to the school spirit banners that are hanging from the ceiling, he thinks back to jaemin, to the stupid promise he made a good few hours ago, and now he's standing here with some overconfident fencer, some overconfident fencer he would've never met if he didn't give in to jaemin's incessant begging.

"that's nice, you really think your gonna win?"

"i don't think, i know, chenle".

chenle is about to counter your words with another remark, but pauses upon hearing his name escape your lips. how did you even know who he was? he's about to start assuming your a stalker or something. "you know my name?"

"you're apart of the student body, you play basketball, and your constantly in the top ranks , everyone knows who you are".

the words get an uncertain smile out of chenle, but he quickly lets it drop because he doesn't want to be smiling because of you. chenle doesn't care, he'll remain stubborn. "yeah, right, glad you know that".

"alright then, you can cheer me on, chenle, i'll be looking for you in the crowd".

chenle scoffs again, now he's completely done with you. "in your dreams.." he mutters, and while he intends for that to not be heard by you, you catch it anyway, but you allow for chenle to think he's in the clear, deciding to not comment on it.

"wish me luck!"

chenle watches you walk away.

he allows for the questions to immediately run through his mind, what the hell was that? why did he want to chase after you like some desperate little man? why didn't he want the conversation to end?

but then again, you are just so annoying, you're so convinced your going to win. chenle almost wants you to lose just so he could laugh in your face about it, but he also does want to watch you face off your opponent, just for entertainment.

and with no jaemin to be seen anywhere, chenle just groans and cusses at the older in his mind, he is genuinely going to punch jaemin when he sees him.

for now, he'll focus on this dumb competition (and on you, wait— no, NOT YOU! he is not focusing on you at all).

CHENLE HAS A HEADACHE THE NEXT DAY, AND HE MAKES sure to put all the blame on jaemin. what kind of friend is he? dragging him off to go see his friend's dumb competition only for him to disappear for more than half the time than proceed to only show up after the competition was almost over and scream in chenle's ear in the entire time. chenle thinks he should start getting paid for hanging out with jaemin, because he can never tell where the other male is half the time, but he's still getting dragged out to shit like this all the time. when jaemin skips his way into chenle's dorm the next morning, he's met with an immediate glare from the chinese, and he seems to have no idea why chenle is so upset with him. "woah, who pissed in your cereal?"

chenle scoffs, throwing jaemin his sweater and going to get a glass of water. "you did, i have a headache because of you".

jaemin laughs at chenle's annoyance, a taunting smile coming to his face as he makes his way towards the younger, a surge of pride in his chest. "really? what did i do?" it isn't a genuine question, and chenle can tell by the exaggerated pout which graces jaemin's features.

"you made me go to your friends stupid competition, then still decided to drag me around after the competition" chenle grits his teeth as he says those words, and all jaemin does is raise a humorous eyebrow, a small hum escapes his lips as he gets another glare from chenle. "not to mention, your friend is so annoying".

jaemin chuckles, getting a small punch in the shoulder from chenle. "oh, so you met y/n then?"

the name doesn't register in chenle's mind, he never actually got to know your name. "is that his name?" just the thought of you has chenle's stomach turning upside down, and he has no idea why. "he pisses me off, he talks too much".

"aww, he didn't make you swoon?"

"absolutely not" chenle says immediately, he is not going to admit how he felt lightheaded just by the sight of you, how you easily had his face red without having to do anything. "he's so into himself, how do you even hang around a guy like that?"

how do you not fall so in love with a guy like that?

"well he has every right to be! y/n has basically won the school all of their fencing awards, a majority of them anyway, i don't get what the hate is all about.."

chenle clears his throat. "i don't hate him, i'm just commenting on his self absorbency".

"your saying that, but you couldn't take your eyes off him the whole competition".

the accusation is enough to make chenle's cheeks go fiery red, what the fuck? he noticed? he opens his mouth to immediately deny the claim, but all he does is stutter whilst trying to clearly articulate his words. "that's not true".

"but it is! you were fangirling more than his actual fangirls! you couldn't even contain yourself!"

chenle rolls his eyes, a small scoff escaping his lips as he tries to ignore his reddening cheeks. "i was not fangirling, you're crazy".

"am i crazy? or are you just in denial?"

"your projecting onto me".

jaemin just snickers, able to see right through chenle's little denying streak. his red cheeks are a clear indication that you probably did end up flustering him, the latter is just too stubborn to admit such a thing. "uh huh, sure, keep telling yourself that chenle".

chenle scoffs, completely turning away from jaemin as he tries to ignore the heat rising in his cheeks. no he wasn't fangirling over you at all, jaemin is just crazy, jaemin is just making stuff up.

at least, that's what his mind tells him.

"YOUR LATE, ZHONG CHENLE" THE WORDS get a small glare from the addressed boy. a chortle sounds from his fellow student body member, kim jungsu, who is humored at the sight of the usually stoic zhong chenle being pissed off, but then again, such a face has become a norm to the titular zhong. "woah, what happened to you?" chenle only scoffs at the question, an exasperated sigh escaping his lips as he ignores the question from choi beomgyu, who only raises an inquisitive eyebrow. the two older boys exchange glances, watching as chenle begins getting up to his usual things. "jaemin decided to hold me up, again" chenle grits his teeth as he thinks about the stupid shenanigans of the na, rolling his eyes.

"what did he do this time?"

"made me walk around the whole school to find something for him.." chenle mutters, pissed off. "but he kept stopping every few minutes to catch up with his old friends!"

beomgyu startles at the sound of chenle's shout paired with the slam of files onto the table. it's often these days that na jaemin seems to be annoying zhong chenle more than anything, the prospect is hilarious, though, he has to admit.

"did you guys hear? y/n got an perfect score on friday!"

the absentminded comment is one chenle so badly wants to ignore, but just the mention of you is enough to make his stomach begin stirring in a way he can't explain. it's monday, why are people still talking about your stupid friday competition? (chenle knows why people still would be talking about it, you're a very talented fencer, he can't deny that).

"did he?"

"what are you guys even expecting at this point? it's y/n, he's never lost a competition once.."

chenle stays silent as he listens to his fellow peers talk about you, your competition, your winnings, just you you you. chenle hates the way you take over his mind, he's only met you once, only talked to you once, but he can't stop thinking about you.

it's a mix of butterflies and some other unknown creature fluttering around in his stomach.

"chenle! how come you and y/n aren't friends?" beomgyu suddenly chimes in, nudging the other in the shoulder. the younger blinks, puzzled by the abrupt question. "you two would be a good.. pair".

chenle knows what he's implying with the emphasis on the word pair (pair? more like couple..), and just the look on his face is enough to give him away. he ignores the red which dusts his cheeks, something that's been happening much more regularly when chenle starts thinking of you, he hates that it does. "we just.. don't know each other like that".

"you two have talked though haven't you?"

chenle is getting bothered by these constant interrogations, he doesn't want to talk about you, because he's not sure he'll be able to keep his ground, or his face from heating up irregularly. "yeah we talked at the competition.."

"oh you went!? how was it?"

"it was uh.." chenle pauses, trying to figure out the words to describe the competition, he isn't even thinking about the competition, he's thinking about you. he can't stop thinking about you, you've been running around in his mind for the past few days. "yeah uh— what you said, y/n got a perfect score.."

chenle quickly turns away from his peers so that he doesn't have to be faced with their several questions about you, mostly because he doesn't know how many excuses he'll be able to make for his red face. he puts away the files as he listens to everyone else continue conversing about you, how known are you? chenle doesn't think he wants to know.

"that can't be tru— wait y/n! come here!"

chenle's heart drops at just the mention of you, and he hears a confused "what?" escape your lips accompanied by the sound of footsteps. he curses in his mind, how is he supposed to avoid you now?

"what's up?"

chenle turns around as he tries to not look at you, but unfortunately, his eyes have other ideas. they drift off to you immediately, and once he looks at you, he can't look away. you look so casual, but you seem to glow. everyone else in the room has basically become nothing, and only you matter. chenle reprimands himself in his head for having such thoughts, he shouldn't be thinking about you so much, especially with you currently in the room. so, he clears his throat and takes his eyes off you.

"beomgyu said—"

"i didn't say anything! don't put the blame on me! dongyun back me up here!"

chenle blinks as he watches his friends dissolve into a full blown argument, with you standing there awkwardly having no idea what was going on. he is quick to tune out the argument, as he's done several times in the past.

but you don't seem to care about the argument transpiring in front of you, seeing as how you slip away from the shouting guys and go over to chenle. "do they always do that?"

chenle can't ignore you now, so he takes in a sigh and looks over at you, his legs immediately feeling like jelly as he locks eyes with you.

you're beautiful, just as beautiful as you were the first time chenle met you and became absorbed in you as a whole. chenle wants to fall over, but he stands his ground, he remains stubborn, he doesn't want to give you that satisfaction.

finally, after what seems like forever, chenle finds his voice, it took him pathetically long to though. "yeah, they argue about stupid shit all the time, don't worry about them".

you snicker, eyeing the student council members who are continuing to go at each other's necks. choi taeyang rubs his temples, completely irritated by this idiotic argument.

you aren't focusing on that, though, because your eyes immediately go back onto chenle. "we never truly established our relationship.. are we friends?"

chenle finds the words baffling. did you really just ask him that? he scrunches his nose, but he can't exactly tell how he feels about the whole thing. "are you really asking me this now?"

you hum, fiddling with your sweater collar. "well, jaemin told me i should try getting on your good side, apparently we need to get to know each other".

"of course he said that".

chenle grits his teeth, but his irritation is feigned, because you snort and look away, your smile this bright, blinding spectacle that chenle could admire for ages. "if you don't want to it's fine" you say, smile unable to be erased.

"i didn't say that" chenle quickly rebuts, much too eager to make that fact known to you. "we can be friends i just.. don't be as annoying as you are".

you gasp, offended. "you think i'm annoying?"

"your just jaemin's copy and paste really".

"is that supposed to be insulting? i happen to like jaemin".

"well that's obvious".

you scoff, crossing your arms. chenle has to stifle his giggles, because watching you look so defeated is just a little bit amusing to him. he can't help his smile, why the fuck do you look cute right now?

"you're so rude, i like you though".

chenle blinks. well he was not expecting that. maybe he doesn't have you all figured out like he thinks, you're unpredictable, how aggravating. he feels his jaw clench as he stares you down. "is that how you always make friends?"

"no.. you keep avoiding the term, though".

"you keep questioning me".

"i just want to get to know you".

"you can do that when we aren't in the student body room".

you roll your eyes, but it's not serious, because nothing is ever serious with you. "okay then, i'll see you some other time, zhong".

you give chenle one last smile before muttering something intelligible to beomgyu, which draws an incredulous gasp from him. you bid your goodbyes to the rest of the student council before once again smiling and making your way out of the door. "he's so dreamy isn't he?"

taeyang snorts, shaking his head. "totally, but i think he liked chenle best".

chenle's face goes bright red the moment he's put on the spot, and jungsu's little giggles meet his ears. "you— he was just being stupid.."

"ohhh, i see".

"wait, chenle and y/n have thing?"

"we do not!" chenle immediately shouts, but as his voice elevates, his cheeks continue to flare. he isn't convincing enough, seeing as how taeyang snickers at the way he heats up embarrassingly. "we do not have a thing! he's just.. annoying".

"so you don't want to fuck him?"

"no!"

but unfortunately, zhong chenle isn't spared from the teasing of his student body members.

"CAN I ASK YOU A STUPID QUESTION?" IT WOULD BE annoying if not completely a norm by now. good god jisung is lucky he's jisung, chenle can't count how many times he's wanted to just clock him square in the face. maybe he's saved from such a fate, but yangyang surely isn't, and chenle is just gearing up the punch as he hears the liu begin snickering. if kun didn't nag so much he probably would've followed the whispering thoughts that told him to shut yangyang up with his fists, but keeping his composure is important. chenle clicks his tongue, tugging at his sweater and rolling his eyes at jisung's subsequent muttering. "okay but don't be mad!" chenle immediately snaps his head towards the younger, and jisung halts in his movements, yangyang's growing laughter is definitely not helping. "you're already mad!"

"i'm not, idiot" chenle grits his teeth, but he relaxes his shoulder and takes a deep breath. "just ask".

"what the hell is going on with you and y/n?"

chenle immediately scrunches his nose, pausing. now how would jisung know about anything that happened between you two? not that anything did happen between you two! it's just strange how chenle meets you on one friday, has like three interactions with you, and suddenly everyone thinks that he has a crush on you or something.

he doesn't! he really doesn't! why isn't anybody convinced?

"nothing! oh my god why is everyone asking me this?"

yangyang snorts, great, now he's going to add his two cents to the mix. "you look at the guy like he solved all of your problems, you sure you don't even want to kiss him?"

chenle scoffs, quickly flipping off yangyang and rolling his eyes. "no, yangyang i don't want to kiss y/n, and i don't stare at him like.. that, who even implied that to you jisung?"

jisung is just the slightest bit terrified of chenle, seeing as how his facial muscles strain to try and fit a smile. "jaemin hyung.."

"and you know heeseung gossips about everything! he's about to put it on the school paper!"

"lee heeseung isn't apart of the school paper, he runs a barely functional gossip blog".

"gossip gets around quickly".

"you guys are acting like i got caught kissing the guy! i'm not in love with him or anything!"

jisung clearly doesn't believe that, and of course yangyang doesn't believe that, seeing as how he doubles over in laughter at chenle's statement of denial. chenle glares, yangyang isn't as funny as he thinks he is. "it's not funny".

"it really is, your cheeks are so red, how are you not in love with him?"

"i'm just not, how do you guys not believe me?"

"it's a bit obvious".

"your terrible at lying".

chenle gasps, dropping his arms at his sides. gosh, even when he is telling the truth everyone thinks he's lying.

and no he's not secretly lying! he is telling the truth! he has absolutely no feelings for you at all!

"i'm not lying".

"well you can go prove yourself then, your boyfriend is right there".

when chenle snaps his head in the direction jisung pointed, he stills, because there you are. his cheeks flare up at the nickname yangyang gave you, the words he's not my boyfriend rest on the tip of his tongue, but they get stuck in his throat when his eyes land on you.

are you fucking everywhere now? chenle talks to you one time and now you suddenly appear every single time he tries to convince himself that he doesn't harbor any romantic feelings towards you. you have to be some kind of psychic, you're probably reading chenle's mind, just ready to show up when he suddenly gets stuck in denial.

"see? your doing that weird love like stare" the whisper gets him out of his daze, his eyes of admiration quickly becoming eyes of hatred fully directed towards his fellow teammate.

"i am not".

jisung blinks, contemplating his words because of the way chenle glares, so his mouth falls shut. "there's nothing going on there, you guys are just stupid".

for the first time ever, yangyang and jisung do something in unison, snicker. "okay chenle, i'll totally believe that".

you laugh in the far distance, the harmony is beautiful, and chenle has to use all of the self control in his body to not turn his head in your direction. he can already imagine your smile, and he has to fight his own smile, chenle can admit that you're annoying, but he can also admit that you have a very pretty smile.

"your lover boy is over there".

you pause, still giggling behind your hand as you glance over at kim minjeong. "who?" you inquire, wincing at her hard pinch to your shoulder. when you turn your head, you grin at the person you see. "i can't exactly figure out why you say that".

"you seem a little obsessed".

you laugh. a huge, polyphonic laugh that would make the words you're hearing seem like absolute nonsense. "obsessed? i like the guy a normal amount".

"woah.. like?"

"platonic feelings do exist ms. kim" you rebut, arms crossing over your chest as you listen to the mutters of your fellow students. "and besides, he doesn't seem to like me much".

"he looks like he's even in love with you".

"you don't even know what love is, jiung".

if you're being completely honest, you have no idea why you're going to extreme lengths to defend yourself like this. zhong chenle is cute, easily aggravated, your actions piss him off insanely quickly, you can see why people would think you feel something for him, you enjoy admiring his face way too much, you zone out on his features way too much, others might get the wrong idea. "fuck you, anyway, there is no way he isn't in love with you".

"in love? are we in a romcom?"

jiung scoffs, and minjeong pinches the bridge of her nose. "are you stupid or do you just not want to admit it?"

"admit what?"

your feigned innocence gets a groan of unison out of your friends.

and maybe a certain zhong is just admiring you from afar..

IT'S NOT USUAL FOR ZHONG CHENLE TO WAKE UP EARLY, and six am is really a stretch he can't believe ended up happening. after minutes of tossing and turning, he screamed into his pillow and rose from his bed to begin his day. classes start in two hours, but he's not going to be able to get back to sleep. he makes sure he doesn't wake daegal, grabs a basketball, and leaves his dorm to make his way to the school gym. it's something he usually does when he finds himself sleepless, playing basketball can get his mind off of literally anything, so whenever he wakes up in the early hours of the morning and can't get back to sleep, he simply makes his way to the school gym to entertain himself for a few hours. it's usually always empty too, so he doesn't have to worry about being interrupted while he's cranky in the morning.

he hums to himself as he dribbles the ball down the hallway, basking in the silence of the air. sometimes people are too much, he can enjoy being alone on most occasions.

the cool air of the gym hits his face as he continues his dribbling, taking a shot and having it land perfectly in the basket. he whistles, proud, but not surprised. it isn't surprising how good he is anymore.

"nice shot".

the moment chenle hears the voice, he has to bite back his groan. you snicker at the expression you see blossom on his features, and chenle turns towards you, lips pressed together. "nice to know you're so happy to see me".

"it's beginning to get ridiculous how you are everywhere" chenle is quick to bite back, and you shake your head, a laugh threatening to escape your lips.

chenle can't even help his smile. oh fuck you. you're evil. you're the evilest being chenle has ever had to share a space with.

he doesn't want you to leave, though.

"are you saying i'm doing this on purpose?"

"exactly what i think" you laugh, fingers picking at the fabrics of your sweater, and chenle finds himself frowning.

"what are you doing up so early?" he inquires, cutting off your response with a question.

you feign thought, rolling your eyes. "i usually wake up early to stretch, maybe get in some practice, it's sort of like a built in alarm clock".

"you wake up at six in the morning every day?"

"it's torture" you reply, eyes glancing around the practically empty space you two stand in. "but i've gotten used to it, coach is always on my ass about it.."

"ohhh because your his star player?"

there's a hint of sarcasm in that question, and your brows furrow as you watch chenle distracts himself with his basketball. "he's just constantly like that".

"okay, so you aren't doing this on purpose?"

"even if i was, is there anything wrong with me wanting to see you?"

chenle pauses, blinking as he lets the words slowly settle into his brain. if he had absolutely no self control, he would've giggled out loud right in the very moment. why are you so.. you? it's absolutely ridiculous, actually, why do you say things like this? do you have no regard for chenle's heart? you have to know what you're saying.

"what? like you have a crush on me or something?"

"seems you want for that to be the case".

chenle opens his mouth to respond, but it closes the moment he sees your smile. he grits his teeth, it's sickening how easily he's about to fall. who allowed for you to have such a pretty smile? he finds himself grateful to even be witnessing such a thing.

he finds himself flustered at how speechless he is, and he sighs, ignoring his heated cheeks. "you and your weird fantasies".

"whatever you say zhong".

chenle groans, quickly wanting to change the topic. "you wanna play?"

you chuckle at the question, shaking your head almost immediately. "oh no i'm not good at basketball".

"it's not that hard, just dribble and shoot".

you seem to find that idea ridiculous, because you laugh again. "you're definitely going to kick my ass".

"maybe i want to do that" chenle smiles, and you narrow your eyes.

"okay, i see the game your playing".

chenle laughs, and you frown at the corresponding sound. "come on, just once? i'll return the favor, i'll fence with you!"

you seem puzzled by that one. "..do you want to?"

"it can't be that hard".

you bite back another laugh. "you know how to be convincing".

chenle raises an eyebrow. "is that a yes?"

you sigh, rolling your eyes. "fine yes, whatever".

"don't 'whatever' me".

you can barely resist your smile as you watch a hint of irritation settle in his eyes. "come on, let's play".

and maybe chenle smiles a little too wide at that, because he can't stop admiring your smile.

CHENLE TAPS HIS PEN AGAINST THE DESK, LISTENING TO the murmurs of the rest of the student body. it's easy to be quiet when in a room full of noisy, immature men. he barely even remembers where most of their conversations go, it's become much too easy to tune them out. beomgyu must have said something insane, because taeyang is giving him that incredulous glare he can only share with someone like beomgyu. god chenle misses hanbin, he's the only person who can contain such idiots (which is amusing, because all he has to do is clap and they all go silent). "who even agreed to that? did mr. jeong tell you anything?" chenle just barely fights his groan, of course they're arguing about this again. maybe he should just get up and scream, then they would all shut the fuck up.

"i already told you! nayeon said—"

"i didn't ask about nayeon, did i?"

beomgyu sucks his teeth, throwing his hands in the air. "see? this is why no one likes talking to you!"

"i'm just stating the obvious".

"you two have been at it for hours! please just let it go".

honda hitomi leans against her hand, just barely able to fight her own exhaustion. she's about to collapse onto the floor and not get up, but she keeps herself awake for the sake of her own sanity. "what did mr. jeong say about the end of the year fair we planned?"

chenle sighs. "he has not gotten back to me on that one".

"good god it's never going to happen at this point! can i just take down the posters?"

"don't lose hope so quickly!"

"at this rate hope no longer exists! we have to wait weeks for a response from the principal himself! aren't we supposed to be hosting all the cool student events?"

"yeah that's what we have chenle for".

chenle ignores the giggles that reply to those words, much too tired to even care anymore. "i need to make sure donghyuck doesn't traumatize daegal.. you guys have a good day" he grabs his stuff and scrunches his nose, almost unable to stand on his legs considering how long he'd been sat.

"why would you let donghyuck babysit daegal?"

"he's broke so i'm practically forcing him to" chenle swings his bag over his shoulder, smiling at the snickers he receives from his members. "i'll see you all tomorrow, and if any of you see hanbin tell him he better come up with a good excuse for being missing".

it's a threat that again has beomgyu throwing his arms up in the air, even if it wasn't directed towards him specifically. "will do boss!"

"don't call me that" chenle just barely misses the incoming whine choi beomgyu lets out when he finishes the response.

and then chenle exits the student body room, his shoulder slumping accompanied by a silent sigh. he just wants to get home without any distractions, no yelling, no stupid jokes that lead nowhere, no one to imply something idiotic that will make his eye twitch—

"chenle! hey!"

well of course that can't happen.

zhong chenle's life will never be peaceful, and that disturbance comes in the form of na jaemin, running towards him with that abhorrent smile on his face. chenle is already praying in his head, because he knows jaemin is just going to try something insane again. "amazing to see you jaemin".

the guy isn't even breathless, which chenle finds amusing considering he was totally bolting the whole way here. "did you hear?"

"what?"

jaemin looks disappointed, and he crosses his arms. "you didn't read the blog post? pretty much everyone has already".

chenle blinks, no longer interested in pretending to humor whatever it is jaemin is going to show him. "everyone?"

"mostly everyone, don't be surprised if gyu yells in your ears about it soon".

chenle scrunches his nose. sensing his complete obliviousness, jaemin sighs and pulls out his phone, giggling before even turning it on. "you and y/n are the school's couple of the month".

chenle's eye twitches.

"excuse me?"

jaemin nudges him, showing him the phone. chenle doesn't even have to read anything, all he has to do is look at the title.

[THE SCHOOLS FENCING STAR & SHOOTING GUARD ARE IN LOVE: BUT WE ALL KINDA KNEW THAT ALREADY..]

chenle sighs, of course lee heeseung wrote it. he rolls his eyes, massaging his temples. "tell me you don't believe this.."

jaemin giggles, turning his phone off. he laughs for a while, but pauses when he realizes chenle isn't laughing with him. "wait.. you two aren't dating?"

"no jaemin, we aren't".

the information flabbergasts him. "what do you mean you aren't!? i thought you two were doing like the secret thing.. the whole yeah were dating but like not publicly thing!"

chenle simply shrugs, turning on his heel and continuing his walk towards the exit. jaemin almost trips on his feet, following closely behind him. "how many times do i have to tell people this? there is nothing going on between y/n and i!"

"so then what were you two doing in the gym?"

chenle stops, glancing behind him to catch a look at jaemin's face. he narrows his eyes, scratching the fabric of his sweater. "talking, jaemin, like you usually do with people".

"six in the morning and you two are just talking?"

"you take everything out of proportion, i'm not sure you know what 'dating' looks like".

"well i know y/n, though, and i know his expressions, he stares at you with so much love it's sick!"

chenle can't even muster another eye roll, he simply keeps quiet at the words, turning around to look forward. "whatever.."

he stares down at the floor, not allowing for the words to get to his head. if he does than he'll begin thinking about you, and if he envisions your smile he won't be able to bite back his own.

IT'S FUNNY HOW QUICK GOSSIP CAN SPREAD, BECAUSE ALL chenle's been presented with in these past few weeks are rumors and mindless gossip. what kind of grip does lee heeseung have on everyone? how does his wannabe gossip blog really do all of this damage? he can't even begin speaking without someone asking if he's dating you. is this what being your boyfriend would be like? suddenly everyone is invested in his business and he can't even live in peace because everyone assumes you two are dating. he's let out enough sighs these past few weeks, he's beginning to get tired of everyone's constant muttering, he can't even talk without annoying himself, and he hasn't had an actual conversation with you in a good two weeks, which was totally unintentional at first, but it slowly became more.. voluntary.

you two don't talk much, simply give glances to each other in hallways. it's not that chenle is avoiding you! it's just that chenle is definitely avoiding you.

he just sort of needs space, for an unchecked amount of time.

you almost completely consume his mind, and because everyone thinks you two are dating, it's hard to not think about you. maybe it was difficult to get you out of his head before, but it is insanely difficult now. he doesn't escape jaemin's snickers, whispers, or even just mentions of your name, you're practically haunting him.

looking at your face ensures that chenle will probably collapse onto the floor.

so chenle's avoiding you for the peace of his mind. he makes excuses for why he doesn't want to see you every time, a tight lipped smile on his face whenever someone brings you up.

and of course, because of his avoidance, even more rumors swirl. something about you two getting into a random fight, a lovers quarrel the audience are calling it. how annoying.

but he can't avoid you forever, because you literally know everyone, including the people in his close knit friend group. so what is chenle supposed to say? it gets harder to come up with excuses for not wanting to be in the same room as you. jaemin keeps sending him weird looks, asking questions with his eyes, but chenle simply walks away.

you seem to want to talk to him, but you also seem to sense that he needs his space, because you don't just suddenly ambush him to ask why he's suddenly avoiding you like the plague (even if you do really want to).

and chenle keeps that track record pretty solid for a while, he dodges all of the questions, stares, you, it almost becomes easy after a while.

but it doesn't stay the same, because of course it doesn't, you always just.. appear.

"you sure you can make it? we don't wanna bother you if you can't".

mark is always so considerate, chenle doesn't know the last time he met a guy so nice. "yeah, yeah i'll be fine! just text me the time and i will be there".

"on time?"

chenle snaps his head towards donghyuck, glaring. the older simply giggles as the younger flips him off, and he scoffs. "yes on time donghyuck, fuck you".

"see you lele!"

chenle scrunches his nose at the nickname, he would flip donghyuck off again if not for wanting to keep his sanity in tact. he has to have some kind of limit, and when he hears yet another giggle spill from donghyuck's lips, he wishes he had acted on his intrusive thoughts.

chenle has a few hours considering they always like going out late (and they wonder why their always tired in the morning), he can binge all of how i met your mother for the seventieth time, and he can keep daegal company enough that she'll tire herself out.

chenle's hands stay shoved in his pockets, it isn't even that cold, he just has an emotional attachment to this sweater.

but then chenle stops, because he just walked the complete opposite direction of where he was supposed to go. he blinks, mentally cursing at himself.

"what an idiot you are zhong chenle".

"well that's rude to say to yourself".

chenle jumps, but he can't be startled for long, because it's you. after avoiding you for almost two weeks (seriously he was so close!), you had successfully cornered him.

well 'cornered' may not be the right term to use in the context, you smile, as if pleased to see him. "feels like i haven't been here in years.."

you glance around, feigning interest in your surroundings. chenle bites into his inner cheek, suddenly feeling the air become awkward. "did i do something wrong?" you inquire, seeming completely.. normal.

"no" chenle almost whispers, turning around as to not stare at you. he begins walking the right way this time, unconsciously inviting you to follow him, which you clearly sense with how you straighten up and begin walking beside him. "it's not you".

"so you're avoiding me for what reason?"

chenle shrugs, silence overtaking the air between you two. he listens to the small mutters of others as you two walk together, he can ignore it easily considering you're right beside him now, maybe it's because you overtake all of his thoughts. "i don't know.. everyone thinks were dating, it feels kind of weird".

"well i guessed that was the case".

chenle again goes silent, you are much calmer about this than he would've expected. it's just something he isn't used to seeing from you, he knows if he was getting avoided so clearly he probably would've blown up on the person, but that's just him. "aren't you mad?"

"not really, i can see where your coming from".

chenle hums, the air again becoming awkward. "i'm sorry" you don't look at him as he apologizes, but you smile anyway.

"it's alright, we technically aren't.. friends so i'm really not that offended".

chenle pauses, well he totally forgot that one. he's the one who said it himself. oh he is such a fucking idiot, but you don't say it to offend him, you simply state it as a fact. "still, i probably would've blown up on you if it was the other way around".

"oh trust me, other people have done way worse, a little ghosting is nothing".

that finally gets a smile out of chenle, and you seemed to miss that smile, because you mirror his expression. "i didn't mean to worry you, none of it is your fault".

"i wouldn't say i was worried, i was just confused, but you have your reasons".

chenle sighs, stopping as you hold the door for him. so you're basically just walking him back to his dorm now, no words even having to be exchanged. that's funny. he doesn't put all of his focus on that, though, you're directly in front of him right now, he should put all of his focus on that.

"so were good, right? no bad blood?"

chenle glances over at you. "there never was any bad blood, i just got into my own head".

"that's good, you still have to make good on that promise of fencing me".

chenle raises an eyebrow, suddenly feeling his cheeks dust red. "fencing and basketball are vastly different".

"obviously, but you kicked my ass so i should get to kick yours".

"it was a pretty close game, ten to six".

"my point still stands".

chenle hums, just barely biting back his laugh. "okay fine, we'll fence, just go easy on me".

"aww, but then it won't be fun!"

chenle childishly sticks his tongue out at you, immediately met with an offended stare. still, you laugh, giggle even. chenle finds it funny how easily he can make you laugh.

"either that or we won't".

"fine then".

your smile indicates to chenle that you definitely don't plan on completely fulfilling that.

you raise your hands up in mock surrender, and chenle simply shakes his head, completely done with you. he stops in front of his door, rummaging through his pockets looking for his keys.

"thanks for walking me" he says, quite literally unable to shake off the weird feeling in his stomach. "even though you kind of just followed me here.."

"we were talking, i didn't know how to just leave".

i didn't want for you to leave anyway.

but chenle doesn't say that one, simply smiles again. "it's fine, thank you again".

"so what are we exactly?"

chenle blinks, just about to open his door when you ask that question. he thinks about it, thoughts chugging like a train.

"mortal enemies".

you snicker, looking down at the floor. "oh".

chenle hums, hand resting on his doorknob. "yeah, have a good day y/n".

"you too chenle".

CHENLE DIDN'T UNDERESTIMATE YOU WHEN HE CHALLENGED you to a fencing match. you've been a fencer as long as you could stand on your two feet, you mentioned in passing once that you'd been fencing since elementary school, introduced to the sport by your father. chenle doesn't know anything about fencing, he's watched one competition and can barely recollect the memories of what went on because it was at that competition that he met you. it's hard to focus on anything when your around, especially the match he literally challenged you to. he wasn't exactly thinking when he brought it up, just really wanting for you to play basketball with him. he stumbles back, tripping on his own feet and falling back onto the floor.

"wow i suck at this" chenle mutters, back resting against the mat on the ground.

your distinct chuckle meets his ears, and chenle lets out a sigh. "well i didn't say it.."

"oh fuck you, your the fencing expert".

"that's what you get when you compete with an actual fencer" you respond, chenle rests the épée beside his laying figure. "you didn't go down without a fight though, four points!"

"four points to twelve points, you think that's a worthy competition?"

"it's impressive for someone whose fencing for the first time ever right now" you remove your fencing mask properly, getting a good look at him on the floor. "i'm sure you could take jiung in a match".

"oh don't mention your teammates, i can't handle any of this, how do you do it?"

you whistle, dropping the épée onto the floor and extending your hand towards chenle. he takes it, feeling a pain spike as he stands on his two legs. "you liar, you said you were gonna go easy".

you simply smile, feigned innocence behind that wretched sight ('wretched' is the wrong word to describe it, chenle absolutely loves your smile).

"that was me going easy" you reply, squeezing his hand against yours.

that's when chenle is brought back to reality. holy shit you two are holding hands. he stares at the spectacle, blinking dumbly as you again snicker at your own words. he pulls his hand away quickly, ignoring the excessive heat of his face.

"oh then i really suck".

"your better than most people".

chenle hums, being better than most people doesn't really mean anything when going against you. "stop frowning, you did well".

chenle is definitely not frowning, he's not! how would you even know that? "well doesn't mean much in these books".

you shake your head, and chenle doesn't frown (but his lips turn downward). he picks the épée up from the floor, twirling it around. "can't just say i'm not good at this?"

"the reason you aren't good at this is because of your handiwork" you quickly respond, stepping closer to him and wrapping your fingers around chenle's wrist. "you have to angle your hand at ninety degrees, it has to be parallel to your foot.."

chenle blinks as you begin explaining the ways for him to improve his fencing. your rambling, very interested in actually helping him instead of just beating him at your own game again. chenle is quite literally on the verge of a heart attack, everything you're saying has blurred into the background as you get closer, the heat in the room steadily rising.

you continue talking, angling chenle's arm forward and pointing the sword straight. chenle cannot focus on what you're saying because you are so.. beautiful? you look so good in this lighting, it has to be criminal. you unconsciously get up in his personal space and chenle's breath hitches, but you don't notice.

"—and when you lunge your other hand should go down to balance your body weight" you mutter, smile on your face as you glance at chenle, who looks midway through a disassociating scene.

"hey, are you even listening to anything i'm saying?" you nudge chenle with your shoulder. chenle snaps out of his little episode and blinks, leaning away from you as he sees how close you are.

"oh.. uh— well".

you sigh, letting go of chenle's wrist and watching it lean down in just the slightest. "nuh uh, keep it up, ninety degrees".

chenle scoffs, but you raise an eyebrow, and he pauses. who knew you could be like that? chenle is just a little afraid seeing you serious. "you really don't have to help me".

"it's out of courtesy".

chenle narrows his eyes, and you whistle again, removing the fencing gear your wearing. "you aren't going against me again are you?"

"absolutely not" chenle shakes his head, another heavy breath leaving his lips. "you're brutal, i can't keep up".

"i'm sure you could".

"you have too much faith in me".

you hum, slipping your sweater back on and shoving your hands into your pockets. chenle again sighs, walking past you. "you could've at least tried to get eight points on me".

"the only way i'd get eight points on you is if you gave them to me" chenle replies, and you hold the door open for him again, watching as he narrows his eyes at you. "and you'd never let me".

"it's good to be competitive".

"at least you said something true".

you two must have a thing for unconsciously walking together now, much too distracted in conversation to even catch the looks your being given.

"i see you guys have made up!"

you pause, smiling at the sight of your longtime friend, and chenle sighs at the sight of jaemin. "why are you so sad?"

"jaemin brings chaos into my life".

jaemin scrunches his nose, offended. "don't be so quick to say that, i brought y/n into your life!"

"exactly".

now it's your turn to be offended, a gasp drawing from you. "wow i see how it is, chenle, maybe you should just go back to ignoring me then".

"you're so petty".

"oh and you aren't? that is completely unfair!"

jaemin glances between the two of you as you begin your mini argument, the bickering between you two surprisingly entertaining him.

what an interesting lovers quarrel.  

"DON'T BE BORING! LET'S GO TO JINYOUNG'S PARTY!" JAEMIN shouted in his ear as he saw chenle trying his best to drift off to sleep. the younger was very much not on board, he wanted to sleep, he wanted to rest, maybe have a romantic dream about you or whatever. it's not like he had a load of work dumped on him tonight, he just didn't want to go out on his fine evening, and he also doesn't know jinyoung that well. he's not the extent of social butterfly jaemin is, he's sort of afraid of being that awkward friend who just follows his much more known friend around. he just knows jaemin is going to ditch him the moment he finds a cute guy to make out with, and that isn't his ideal kind of night. it didn't matter what he said though, jaemin had somehow convinced him to not sleep in his bed all night.

"this room reeks of drunk breath".

"don't be boring, chenle!" that must be jaemin's only response, because he smiles when chenle frowns. "have some fun" he pushes at his shoulder, but chenle simply sighs.

"i can't wake up with a hangover tomorrow.."

"just a little?"

jaemin puts his best puppy dog eyes on display, pouting with his hands clasped together. chenle immediately leans back against the wall, put off by whatever.. this is. he points, pressing his index finger against jaemin's chest. "if you get wasted i'm leaving you".

"that isn't a threat".

yeah, it really isn't, jeno is jaemin's ride or die, he'd carry the guy up the stairs while he was hanging off his shoulder for pete's sake.

so when jaemin does eventually get wasted, chenle isn't even that surprised when jeno shows up to follow him around and make sure he doesn't kill himself.

jinyoung is nice, a little erratic, chenle finds it amusing how easily he gets offended at heeseung's jokes. he almost socked the guy in the face, but then they looked at each other and began laughing loudly about it, they're much too gone to even realize they're being stupid.

chenle could barely take one sip of those drinks without grimacing, he can't even get tipsy, he might fall over from the taste alone, he isn't going to risk it.

he can't stand being alone for long, though, because he finds himself at beomgyu's side, listening to the choi talk his ear off. he doesn't know many of beomgyu's friends, he's met taehyun once, courtesy of jisung surprisingly, but the other guys are practically ghosts to him. one of them really likes bread though, he's never seen a guy so passionate about wheat.

"i can't believe you think strawberry ice cream is good! it's terrible!"

"it's not! you're a pussy! no wonder you can't eat fruit!"

maybe beomgyu and this bread obsessed guy have arguments like this often, because the words sound so practiced chenle assumes they must rehearse this argument for every time they drink. beomgyu huffs, crossing his arms, and he snaps his head over to chenle. "tell soobin he's wrong".

"is that his name?" when he asks that, soobin waves from behind beomgyu, a wide smile displayed on his face. "i have no say here".

beomgyu pouts. "even outside of school you're boring".

"you're arguing about strawberries!"

and just when chenle is about to join the argument about the ethics of strawberry ice cream, he hears something.

"boo!"

chenle almost jumps out of his seat, startled by the sudden sound. he grits his teeth once he's met with your smiling face, and you giggle, your breath reeking of the disgusting alcohol. "oh hello you".

"hiiiiii did you miss me?" you ask, hands clasped together as you try your best to sit, tripping on your feet. you hiccup; "cause i definitely missed you—" a poke to his cheek, another giggle leaves your lips. "—i can't believe you're reeeeal" your words slur and syllables stick together, you clearly aren't in the right mind at the current moment.

you lean half your body weight against chenle, laughing at something you say in your own head (at least that's what chenle assumes is happening, you're simply laughing for no reason). "did you miss me too?"

you jut out your bottom lip, chenle has to turn his head to stare at you. your cheeks are flushed, eyes are wide, and you have a permanent smile on your face. "it's debatable".

"you take that back!"

chenle can just barely stifle his laugh, you're absolutely ridiculous. you pout again, brain fuzzy. "don't laugh at me.."

"how much have you had to drink?" chenle asks, a finger in your hair. the strands are soft, just like he predicted.

"uhhh nothing really like um.. uh— four?" you hold up four fingers, then burst into laughter at the sight of your own hand.

oh. so you're that drunk, you giggle again, a snort following that sound. your head rests onto chenle's shoulders, and you shake as you giggle.

"four drinks? already".

you hiccup again. "jinyoung said.. um, i actually forgot what he said, but he promised me something! i like promises!"

you snap your fingers, leaning back in your seat and almost falling backwards in the process.

chenle watches, listening to the continuous drunk chatter of beomgyu and soobin. he then sighs, tired. "y/n, come on".

you crack open one eye. "whaaaaat? you don't wanna dance?"

"i think you've had enough, let's not dance right now".

"but we have to" your lips turn downward into a frown, visible sadness in your eyes.

"we can dance at another time".

"oh really?" your eyes shine, as if you're already awaiting the moment you two will dance.

"yeah, let me take you home before you end up passing out on the floor".

chenle wraps an arm around your waist, and you wrap an arm around his, but he's basically carrying you around.

"jaem" chenle calls out, grunting as he lifts you from your place. when jaemin turns around, he looks fine, not like what chenle expected. he's met with an immediate eyebrow raise, as expected of jaemin. "i'm taking y/n home.."

"youuu just wanna see my bedroom" you slur, poking chenle again as you practically fall onto him, no longer controlling any of your movements. "hiiiii jaemin!"

"okay, i see" jaemin looks you two up down, and you're still waving while he judges you. "have fun".

"don't start".

at the sight of chenle's piercing glare, jaemin puts his hands up in surrender. "okay, make sure he doesn't die".

"he might end up killing himself anyway.." chenle mutters under his breath, again lifting you up as he sighs.

"byeeeee jaemin! i love you!"

chenle scrunches his nose, and you continue to wave even when jaemin disappears from view. you lean onto him again, noticing his silence. "don't be mad, i love you too".

he glances. "not mad".

you giggle again, wasted beyond words. "no need to lie to me, you're so obvious".

chenle's cheeks flare up at that. alright you fucking psychic.

WHEN YOU TWO MAKE IT BACK TO YOUR DORM, you collapse onto your couch, bringing your knees to your chest. you weren't as talkative on the way back as chenle thought you would be, the moment you two left jinyoung's door, you simply went silent, the many drinks probably went to your head, you must be exhausted, and for the first time in forever, you two don't really bicker. you simply walk along with him in silence, so there are no words exchanged between you two. when you collapse onto your couch, chenle can just barely keep in his laugh. you let out a heavy breath, groaning. "i hate parties.." you mutter against your cushion, scratching at the fabric of the cushion. chenle turns to stare at you, and you let out a groan of pain(?).

"no you don't".

"no i don't".

you stretch your limbs, then hug your knees against your chest. "chenle?" you call out, eyes closed, and arms circled around yourself.

your voice is barely audible, he doesn't think he's heard you be so silent ever. he hums as his response, and you take in a deep breath before asking yet another question. "can you get me a blanket from my room? it's always cold in here.."

chenle nods even though you can't see. "okay, and which door is yours?" he's afraid of accidentally walking into the wrong room, he's heard your roommate isn't exactly the easiest to get on good terms with.

"the one at the far end of the hall" you stretch the final letter of the word 'hall', your sighs endless.

chenle mutters a small response and turns on his heel to make his way towards your room. he hears you let out another sigh, your fatigue following closely behind him as he opens the door.

when he does enter, instead of immediately doing what you asked, he allows for himself to get engrossed in the scenery of your room. the posters which litter the walls, your many fencing awards, medals, trophies, certificates. the photos on your shelves containing some familiar faces, there's one with you and jaemin that chenle can only assume was from way before university.

oh, so they do go that far back.

your room is adorable, it isn't exactly big, but you mastered how to make due with the space you were given. he glances at your bed, and he grabs a good enough blanket, heading back to the living room.

"you're a blessing zhong chenle" you say when he lays the blanket over you, watching as you let your body relax.

chenle stares, simply watching the way you shuffle against your couch. "it's really no problem, sleep well".

"what?"

chenle snaps his head towards you. "sleep well y/n, i'm leaving".

"you can't leave!" you open your eyes, staring at him incredulously. "what happens if i get attacked while you're gone!?"

chenle deadpans, you cannot be serious right now. "you're not getting attacked while i'm gone, y/n, that makes no sense".

you cross your arms, clearly not as completely sober as chenle thought you were. "i need for someone to stick by me, just until wonjin comes back!"

wonjin. oh, that must be your roommate. "and when is he gonna come back exactly?"

"i don't know" you put your own hand on your forehead, wincing at the heat that you feel. "he's a wild card.. kind of".

chenle sighs, of course you're starting with something again. "i can't stay y/n, i really have to get home".

no. he doesn't. he doesn't have to get home. the only real reason would be daegal, who his brother graciously stole for the weekend. he doesn't live with anyone else, so he isn't exactly going home to anyone. he doesn't know why he said that, he just lied to lie.

"no you don't".

you're correct, but chenle wants to remain stubborn. he sucks his teeth, irritated at the pure truth. "just for a few minutes?" you ask, putting on pleading eyes as you stare at the other standing at the arm of the couch. "please? you don't have to stay for long, just until i sleep".

now how can chenle deny that? he can pretend he isn't in love with you while others are around, he can act like the flirting doesn't affect him in the hallways, he can act like nothing's there in the bright light of the day, but now? now? while you're staring at him with pleading eyes? how could he ever deny you?

"i— fine.." chenle sighs, hands dropping at his sides as he steps closer, sitting down beside you on the couch. he doesn't lie down just yet, he isn't that tired. "now will you sleep?"

you nod quickly. "much better, good night".

you rest your head against your couch, snuggling against the blanket as your hand reaches over to take chenle's, intertwining your fingers together. "thanks for staying with me.. you're a good friend".

chenle keeps silent, but you still aren't asleep, because you snort in response to your own words. "sorry, enemy, we're enemies".

chenle gives a chuckle in response. "yep, mortal enemies".

you give a dismissive wave with your free hand, laughing again. "okay okay, i love you, good night" you let your hand drop and keep your eyes closed as you slowly begin drifting off into a slumber.

chenle again pauses.

you what?

his cheeks flare up, just the small confession distracting him enough, your thumb caresses the back of his palm, and the touch amplifies the red of his cheeks.

you love him.

well that's nice.

THE SUNLIGHT PEAKING IN THROUGH THE NEARBY window earns a small wince from chenle, eyes begging to remain shut as the light shines against his eyelids. he shuffles— or, he tries his best to shuffle with the lack of space he's in, a small groan escaping his lips as he tries to wake himself. he goes through an inward battle of trying to adjust his eyesight whilst also attempting to avoid the direct light of the sun, taking a few moments of squinting until he can finally open his eyes, adjusting to his surroundings as he begins to fight the fatigue in his body. oh he is such a fucking liar. he agreed to just a few minutes right beside you, and he fell asleep, right beside you. he woke up before you, and your soft snores become all he hears in the room. "oh my god" chenle massages his own temples, cursing under his breath.

you're still asleep, just barely awaken from your seemingly good dreams as chenle takes in a deep breath, rubbing the exhaustion from his eyes with one hand.

he stares down at your sleeping figure, your hair too messy, cheeks rosy red, and your other hand still holding his, squeezing. he snickers silently, and you must not have been that deep asleep, because you shuffle against your couch.

chenle lets go of your hand to rummage for his phone, and you let out a small sound of defiance as you feel his fingers slip from yours.

he almost laughs again, watching the way your eyebrows furrow. 09:14 am. wow, he doesn't remember the last time he slept that long.

"good morning.." you mutter, though you keep your eyes closed. chenle narrows his own eyes, amused by the sight. you feel around until you grab his hand again, intertwining your fingers. "i'm tired".

"yeah?"

"..and it all hurts".

chenle sighs, unable to get away from your hand squeezing his. "you have ibuprofen or something?"

"i just need to.." you pause, finally getting up, somehow without letting go of chenle's hand. "like walk around for some hours" you wave your free hand dismissively, and when chenle sends you a look, you clear your throat. "sometimes i can just walk in circles and get rid of a hangover".

chenle scrunches his nose, and you laugh at the face he gives you. "i'm not sure why it works that way either, it just does".

"you're a strange guy".

you hum, running a hand through your tousled hair. you two stay silent for a moment, staring at each other. "so you stayed over, huh?"

chenle again scrunches his nose, his cheeks flaring up. "i didn't mean to fall asleep.." he mutters, stubbornness immediately on display. "i was tired".

"aww, you didn't stay for me?"

"don't make me vomit, y/n".

you stick out your tongue, jumping off the couch and dusting off your clothes. "you gonna stay around or would you like for me to walk you out?"

"let me settle into the morning air first.."

"okay weirdo".

chenle almost scoffs, there's no way you're calling him weird, you're as weird as jaemin. maybe that's why, weird people can't grasp their own weirdness, they see it all as completely normal.

"you don't have a shitty hangover do you?"

you shake the bottle of ibuprofen then grab a bottle of water, taking the medication as if simply programmed to do it. you narrow your eyes, picking up on chenle's staring problem. "you stare a lot, huh?"

chenle snaps out of his dissociative state, realizing you asked him a question. "oh no i'm fine, i didn't even try to drink that shitty alcohol".

you snicker, putting the medication away and walking towards the bathroom. "you're simply a little too uptight".

"uptight? how did anyone drink that?"

you shrug from where you are, your voice echoing from the bathroom. "jinyoung is pretty convincing" chenle hears the sink water start running, assuming that you're brushing your teeth.

"not enough for terrible drinks".

chenle rises from his place, trudging behind you towards the bathroom. he stands in the doorway and watches you, he doesn't know why he's so interested in watching you do even the simplest of things, there's simply something about you that makes the simplest of tasks so compelling to watch.

you again catch his eyes, spitting out your toothpaste. "you definitely have a staring problem".

chenle sighs, how is he even supposed to argue with that? he is quite literally proving to you that he has a staring problem.

he doesn't really have one, though, it's just with you that he can't help but stare.

he can't exactly respond to that one, and a smirk shows on your lips, you've rendered him speechless. "oh.. am i right?"

chenle's scoff is stubborn, his arms folding over his chest, there's tease in your voice that makes red spread across his cheeks. "you aren't, i just constantly need to be around someone.."

what a reasonable lie that you clearly buy! you simply roll your eyes in response, he really just lies like it's nothing. you clasp your hands behind your back, lips turning up. "why do you lie to me so much? do i make you nervous or something?"

and it's not like you step closer, you simply stand there with your hands behind your back, a tormenting smile playing on your lips. you aren't doing anything, but chenle's legs feel weak, you're simply standing and smiling, it's nothing crazy, but you are crazy, what gives you the right to stand and smile like that at chenle?

"don't flatter yourself".

you raise an eyebrow, smile permanent. god you look so kissable right now, maybe chenle should give into his desires and lean in.

but he doesn't, he simply scowls, feigning irritation at your lack of action. "sorry, forgot we're mortal enemies and all".

you whistle, hands shoving into your pockets and walking past chenle. "you want me to walk you out now?"

chenle turns as your shoulder brushes against his, following behind you to the door. "you don't have to".

you open your front door, motioning with your head. "i technically already did!" oh so you're trying to be a smart ass, how funny. chenle's face falls, and your lips turn up as his turn down.

"you're so annoying".

"i'm simply here to entertain" you sing, gently pushing chenle out of your dorm. "have a good day enemy!"

and chenle would've flipped you off if he wasn't distracted by your smile.

CHENLE LETS HIS STUBBORNNESS CARRY THROUGHOUT the week, even while you two see each other, occasionally talking, occasionally staring longingly (that's more on chenle's part, you have such intriguing facial features, and not in a creepy way). he definitely does not have dreams about kissing you, about going on dates, or even about you two being a real couple, that would be ridiculous, zhong chenle does not have a crush, and he especially does not have a crush on you. yes the evidence looks pretty undeniable, his stares linger too much, his eyes linger too much, especially on your lips, he practically itches to hold your hand when you two are in public, the whole "mortal enemies" thing becoming an inside joke for you two. you seem perpetually oblivious to chenle's stares, or maybe you're just acting, it's getting a bit difficult to tell.

the rise in romantic tension doesn't help the rumors that were already up in the air, because the more chenle stares at you like he wants to eat you (in very figurative and literal ways), the more people just make assumptions about what exactly is going on between you two.

to be fair, they die down in whispers, but not in speculation. chenle can't even glance at you without another post popping up on heeseung's (frankly terrible) gossip blog about how he's obsessed.

and maybe there's some truth there (but chenle would never admit that, he can't give lee heeseung credence, he actually likes himself), but no one should ever know that, and hopefully you don't, he knows you don't read all the shit online. you do enjoy completely irritating chenle, though, he doesn't remember the last day he had that wasn't fueled by your annoying rants.

now, it's become mundane for you to be everywhere, and though it's never uttered, chenle really doesn't mind. he finds your presence to be enjoying, you entertain him like no other.

so no matter how much he tries to feign stubbornness, he loves your company. it's amazing how someone so annoying could also be someone so entertaining, and so.. well— beautiful too.

it's strange how easily you two fall into a rhythm of just existing together. chenle feels as if his life would be stranger if you weren't showing up abruptly for another strange conversation to follow.

it does become friendship, yes, but you two never say it. there's a peculiar romantic line there that you guys never bring up, there are too many almost kissing moments that never actually amount to kissing. chenle thinks you must be playing with him, psychologically torturing him. you fucking know, he can see it in your stupid smile.

but he doesn't say anything, not wanting to think he's getting it all wrong. if there's something chenle has learned about you, it's that you're unpredictable, and seeing as how you usually act with your other friends, being super affectionate is naturally your thing.

chenle doesn't want to seem stupid, it would be so embarrassing if the feelings he's spent a good few months trying to ignore turned out to be unrequited.

"is this your idea of a dat— oh my god you have a puppy!?"

your voice pitches up as you catch sight of daegal, cooing at the puppy who barked as she saw you enter. chenle glances at you, your eyes practically shining as you stare at his dog. he barely bites back his smile. "this is daegal, she's my daughter".

you kneel down to get a closer look at the adorable puppy, lips jutted into a pout. "hi daegal! how are you?"

though she's a little hostile at first, she takes one step forward, and you ruffle her hair, earning an excited yelp. you look like your about to burst into tears with how adorable she is, and you cast your eyes at chenle. "she's so cute chenle.."

"are you gonna cry?"

you shake your head, but chenle still isn't convinced. "i love her, i should come here more often!" daegal makes a sound you take as agreement, and you gasp again.

"oh wow, you're already replacing me with my dog?"

"absolutely" daegal jumps into your arm, and you melt into the feeling. you close your eyes, basking in the air of chenle's dormitory. "she likes me more than you do".

chenle narrows his eyes, but he can't even pretend to be pissed, because you simply look so ecstatic, how could he even be mad?

"okay baby, come here" he doesn't even have to move his hand, but daegal leaps out of your arms to circle around chenle. "you can't just steal y/n from me" he teases, carrying her in his arms as he makes his way over to his room.

he hears your overdramatic gasp in the distance, the words certainly surprising. "did i just hear what i think i heard!?"

you're practically hopping as you follow behind chenle towards his room, barely able to contain your own excitement. "oh my god you like me!"

chenle snaps his head towards you, a piercing (yet faked) glare in his eyes. "no dummy, were mortal enemies".

"i heard that~" you sing, turning on your heel to glance around chenle's room. "you just always have that large stephen curry poster on your wall?"

"he's my idol" chenle places daegal on his bed, she immediately curls up beside one of his pillows and settles, relaxing.

"seems like an obsession".

"you don't get stephen curry like i do".

you stare incredulously, a small smile on your face. you place your chin onto chenle's shoulder, watching his once serene expression become one of irritation, his eye twitching. "maybe not, but i definitely get you now".

chenle raises an eyebrow, silently questioning those words in the reflection of his mirror. he blinks, almost afraid to catch your eyes, but he already has, he's staring at your spitting image right now.

you peel yourself on him, a dramatic sigh falling from your lips as you stare, hands on your hips. "how long have you had a crush on me?"

chenle narrows his eyes. "excuse me?"

"come on! give me an honest answer! i won't laugh, i like you too you know, it's honestly kind of cute—"

"y/n".

you pause, chenle knew you were about to begin a ramble, so you shut up, angering him not really being on your list of things to do. you give him the stage to speak his mind, and he deadpans at you. "you are so annoying".

"does that mean you do have a crush on me?"

he stares, fighting the smile that threatens to break on his face. "you are so annoying, it's stupid how i have a crush on you, it's so dumb! you're so annoying but it's also what makes you endearing, and charming, and cute and fuck you!"

and maybe chenle does spit such hurtful words, but he doesn't mean them. his face is unbearably red, cheeks heated to the max, it's embarrassing that he's admitting this to you, now all he has left to do is kill himself and change the trajectory of your life forever.

you stare for a moment, and then you begin laughing, small giggles falling from your lips in such a rapid pace chenle is afraid you'll die.

"you always tell people you like them by shouting?"

"you're so annoying".

"is that your way of saying you love me?" you ask, stepping closer with your hands clasped together. "maybe we should talk about it".

"do you want me to die..?" he mutters, face still incredibly hot. he glares again, but he can't even keep his composure. "i'll take back that confession".

"aww, i like it when you yell at me though".

chenle shoves you backward, yet he smiles anyway. you're so annoying, but maybe there's allurement sprinkled in that he can't exactly ignore. "i fucking hate you.." he mumbles.

you again stare, simply pure adoration in your eyes. you again step closer, fingers grazing his jaw in gentle swipes along the edges. you pause, uncharacteristically silent. "can i kiss you?"

chenle stops. oh! well he didn't expect for this to happen now. he looks up, staring for much too long, thinking for much too long. "i— um, yeah.. yes".

the response fizzles into the air, overtaken by the influx of your cherry flavored chapstick, his bottom lip caught between your teeth as your finger draw shapes into his hip. chenle didn't guess this one, maybe it's because he always bites first, but then again, unpredictability is a thing with you.

your teeth scrape against the plush, pink skin, not rough enough to draw blood, you have courtesy. the action produces just the slightest hint of a whimper from chenle, what a fuel to your ego.

when you two pull away for air, chenle's first move is to avoid eye contact. you giggle at the sight of his cherry red cheeks, your fingers still graze his jaw, slowly turning his head in your direction. "hi".

maybe chenle's smile is too wide, but he's done giving a fuck. he begins fiddling with the zipper of your sweater, trying to distract himself. you again laugh, seemingly amused by his actions. "let's not do this before i take you on a date" you whisper, implications high in the air.

chenle's cheeks again flare up, and much too easily as well. "you think i wanna sleep with you right after we just kissed?"

"people are strange.. and you are people".

"you think i'm moving too quick" chenle pokes your cheek, resisting the urge to place a kiss onto it, maybe not now. you hum happily, intertwining your fingers.

"i didn't say it, let me treat you before sex".

the words are much too honest, but chenle loves honest. it's so stupid, you're so stupid. "what makes you think we're having sex?"

"oh just wait".

chenle frowns, eyebrows furrowing. "that sounds like a threat" he states, scratching behind his ear.

you whistle again, hands behind your back as you laugh. "you've definitely said worse, i'll treat you well".

you hold your hand out again, and chenle takes it without any hesitation, basking in the feeling of your soft hands on his own. "okay, i'm holding you to that, if you fail i'll hang your head on my wall".

you snicker, nudging him. "see? you are worse! it's obvious!"

chenle scowls, but it's so lighthearted that he can't even call it a scoff anymore. "you're so annoying".

you tug at his hand, a small act of defiance. "thank you, enemy".

your fingers slip from chenle's, and he can't fight his smile. you're so annoying, yes, but you're also so pretty.

"CAN YOU STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE YOU WANT to kill me?" if chenle thinks about it, you really are jaemin's twin. jaemin's stare is reminiscent of the ones you share with chenle whenever he glares, arms crossed, nose scrunched. jaemin's lips turn downward into a frown, a frown that directly copies yours, wow, you two are simply carbon copies of each other, no wonder you're such good friends. chenle finds it weird that almost anything can remind him of you now, considering you two have only been dating for two weeks (where did all the time go?), his terrible staring problem hasn't gotten any better anyway, he can stare at you with free reign whenever he wants to. it's too hard to be stubborn when he's so obvious, especially because you could just raise an eyebrow and he'd crumble (only a little though, not all the way).

"how else am i supposed to stare at you?" chenle's eyes hold a certain distaste, and jaemin lets out a loud, overdramatic sigh. "do you always have to ask me stupid questions?"

his hands fall at his sides, an action that chenle judges in it's entirety. "jeno would treat me better than this.."

"go sit with him then".

chenle doesn't have to tell him twice, he stomps his feet like a baby and trudges towards where jeno sits. he can barely stifle his laughter, something about jaemin's stupid way of responding to things is amusing.

chenle might just leave right now, it's not like this is one of the games that one of jaemin's random friends is playing at, this is simply a random volleyball game for a team he doesn't really care about (with no offense to the players).

his hands scratch at the fabric of his pants, he's only here because he decided to give into jaemin's incessant begging. oh screw na jaemin.

"this fucking sucks.."

"is this becoming your thing?"

chenle startles, jumping from his spot with a small squeak. he then relaxes when he sees you, a glare settling in his eyes. "you need to stop doing that" he responds, and you snicker, completely amused. "i didn't think you were coming".

"i was looking for you" you whisper, hands behind your back. "since when is jaemin so convincing to you?"

"he isn't, he's just annoying".

"wonder where i've heard that before" you feign thought, tapping your finger onto your chin. your lips turn up as you catch chenle roll his eyes, he's simply so easy to irritate. "you're so mean to me".

"that's my job".

you gasp, hand placing itself over your heart. "you just stole my cue".

i've unconsciously begun taking up some of your habits too, what the fuck is up with that?

the words aren't said, though. chenle simply reaches over and takes your hand, deciding to not say the obvious. you stare for a moment, then your lips turn up in their usual manner.

"that happens when i spend so much time around you" he tugs you forward by your hand, practically pressing you against him. "i'm picking up your annoying habits".

"is annoying your favorite word?"

"annoying is what you are".

you narrow your eyes, swinging your laced hands back and forth. "but you love me" you sing, much too enamored to even be bothered by his insults.

chenle scoffs, but he doesn't deny, simply squeezes your hand. it's difficult to care about anyone else when you're right here, even the people who send you weird looks (which is strange considering everyone already thought you were dating before you actually were, why is it weird that you two are holding hands?).

he shakes his head. "absolutely not".

you frown, that sick, sad frown that is just much too convincing. there's no reason for you to look so sad so flawlessly, chenle wants to punch you in the face. it's how he'll show his love for you.

the game won't start for a long time, he probably would've died of boredom if you hadn't shown up. "hey you wanna go?"

chenle glances at you. "go where?"

"literally anywhere but here" you state, nudging him with your shoulder. "i won't bore you much, i swear".

chenle sighs, he has no argument for that, he would rather be anywhere but here. "if jaemin texts you, don't answer".

you snicker at that, looking down at the ground. "he's going to think you killed me or something" you mutter, just lightly shuddering at the cold air that hits you both as you exit through the door.

"maybe i will" he responds, his rings would usually clash against your hand if not for the feeling being so mundane. "i have to rip you away from daegal, she's getting too used to you".

"is threatening to kill me your way of showing love?"

chenle stares for a moment, simply basking in everything. your intertwined fingers, the cool evening air, the comfort of it all, maybe chenle isn't exactly all that mad at jaemin, you're right here beside him, talking your ass off, and he laughs, it's all so funny. "sometimes you piss me off".

"i'm hoping you said that with love".

it's gotten much too difficult to successfully act serious around you, you're too funny. "of course i did, stupid".

you raise an eyebrow, an action that makes chenle sigh. you have to know that's his weakness, it's much too easy to get him. "say it, please?"

chenle cannot believe the audacity you have. you greatly piss him off, you bat your eyelashes as you patiently wait for him to confess his love to you.

chenle lets out a loud, exasperated breath. you're so annoying.

"i love you".

your face lights up, cheeks flaring at the confession. you press a kiss to chenle's cheek, enamored.

"i love you too".

[ciar-galyna]

I don’t like uninvited guests…do I need to play exterminator?

}{ Gabrielle has arrived to the Ghost Groom Event!! }{

~~~~~

Voicelines :

🦋 Groovification : Come and burn little ghosts.

👻 Set Home Screen : This was all caused by Grim? Oh he is so getting an earful when this is all over.

🦋 Home Idle 1 : Would it be wise to keep Tractatori at bay? Probably...they're not that hungry anyways.

👻 Home Idle 2 : Marrying a ghost..I wonder what that would be like. I imagine you'd need to be dead for it to work though. If that is the case, we need to save Sophie ASAP.

🦋 Home Idle 3 : I'm not sure how much I like Yeray's plan of swapping places with Sophie...I'll help her however I can, but I don't know if that would solve the problem.

👻 Home, after Login : You know..we could probably just solve this by inviting Malleus and giving him the rundown of the situation, I’m sure he’d be more than happy to help Sophie. Or we get something that can banish ghosts. Either works.

🦋 Home Idle/Groovy : Once everything is finished and dealt with, I will be drowning myself in hot chocolate and taking a day or two to recharge and recover. Crowley can choke on a cactus if he complains to me.

👻 Home Tap 1 : I think I would appreciate this dress more if I wasn't snagged by some crabby maid ghost, insulted, and then forced to wear this instead. "Unsuitable attire" my butt. My dorm outift fit the theme..roughly.

🦋 Home Tap 2 : I think I saw a wedding cake. Can ghosts even eat food?

👻 Home Tap 3 : Why is it when something happens Ramshackle is always involved?

🦋 Home Tap 4 : I might not like the circumstances, but at least the decorations are nice…I don’t have to clean up all of it, do I? Please no, I really don’t have the patience for that this time.

👻 Home Tap 5 : I sometimes wonder if Soren has it easier at the RSA. He doesn’t seem to have an overly exciting life there..*sigh* I like adventures, but this is getting draining. I’d ask if he wants to swap places, but I think it’s a little late for that.

🦋 Home Tap/Groovy : What an interesting turn of events...

👻 Duo Magic : Shall we end this?

~~~~~

Random Bonus Notes! (A.K.A : my ramblings in point form, you don't have to read this.)

I used a wheel to decide what the rarity would be, it was 2/3 too. A great tool for anyone who's feeling indecisive btw. ~

I don't know how some people draw sometimes, but I tried! And honestly I think it turned out pretty good. Also, some of you guys are quick! It took me like a week to draw this lol. ~

Yes she is sitting on a grave/headstone. No I probably didn't shade it correctly (sorry). Yes she is holding a lamppost, it has something fire-like inside though. ~

Am I bit overly ambitious in design and planning? Very much so. And I'm pretty sure that I'm better at backgrounds than anatomy, then again I've never drawn people super often. Speaking of, I'll probably post the dress design, possibly the graveyard, later so you can see what I was using as reference and to see how overboard I am sometimes.

~~~

Some Long-ish Lore Notes!

This is one of my Ramshackle OCs, she is a 2nd Year and the *Housewarden (shocker). ^*I'm not saying Prefect because calling Yeray 'Vice Prefect' sounds a little weird, plus Ramshackle is a little more populated in my version. ~

Mentioned OCs : Yeray | 2nd Year, based on the character Yzma (from Emperor's New Groove), Vice Housewarden, responsible schemer. I might make a card for him...I dunno though. Soren | 2nd Year, from Gabrielle & Tractatori's world too, attending RSA, sunshine incarnate. ~

For anyone wondering about Tractatori, It's kinda hard to explain them, so the gist of it is they're like Venom, only they're a mysterious entity that's almost like the boogeyman where my OC is from. ^*Yes I know the name is weird, it's Latin, and from my research, means 'manipulator'. Take that with a grain of salt though. ~

Well this took me a bit, but thank you thank you for checking this out and thank you to @gl00myb3arz for making this event! I hope you enjoyed. Have a lovely day/night! ~ If you'd like to check out the fanevent more, just check out @gl00myb3arz or the hastag 'GhostGroom!!!'.

[puddingvalkyrie]

Reading massively improved my mental health and I want to talk about it in case it can help others!

Y'all, I think we all need to read more books.

I know I'm an author so I WOULD say that and in fact, I DO say that to children at every opportunity (my dyslexia would be a LOT worse if I hadn't read so much as a kid) but hear me out.

So back in ...March/April I was pretty miserable and it was partly because Norwegian winter will do that to an unprepared foreigner but also because it was the anniversary of The Bad Thing so I felt miserable and alone.

I had no way to really remedy the situation.

But one thing I did do was... Finally crack. See, I'd been DYING to reread my Discworld books, but they are in a different country and I can't afford to go get them or have them sent to me. I have a few paper books here though - I mainly took my fairytale collections, because what did you expect? Actually I guess hardly anyone on Tumblr knows me - Alicia does two things. Vampires. And Fairytales. Didn't bring my vampire encyclopedia, too big and heavy. Anyway.

I have a part time job with an hour on the train each way. I started taking my paper books, my fairytale collections. They were full of short things I could finish easily in a train journey.

Some info. I had managed to sour reading for myself some years previously... I mainly read for research purposes, hardly picking up anything just for the fun of it. PSA: Don't do this. Do not do this. Don't. Do NOT.

And then I reread one of the few paper fiction books I had with me. I enjoy fairytales but they do still fall under 'sort of work' for me. This did not. This was a book I am eagerly awaiting the finale to.

Anyway, I finished it quickly, reading it both on and off the train. You know. For fun. Not just fill time I was stuck somewhere.

Finishing it annoyed me. I wanted more stories. I wanted more than fairytales. And so I cracked. I bought Equal Rites as an ebook. See, I'd previously decided I would not buy anything I already owned in paperback as an ebook because... Well, waste of money, something I don't have enough of. To buy my entire discworld collection in ebook format would cost as much as getting on a plane and bringing my paper ones back.

But just ONE book would be alright, wouldn't it?

So anyway I finished the book.

Of course I'm not going to read just ONE discworld book.

So I carefully ration myself ebooks, making a condition for myself that they are mainly for the train, but I am allowed to read them at home too.

And gradually... The fog lifted. Nothing much has changed besides that I'm reading books regularly again. I still have the same problems that were upsetting me in March. I was also HORRIBLY BURNED OUT until last week. But my mood is MASSIVELY improved. Like, hugely improved. And yeah, yeah, it's summer now, so the weather will have helped also. But I can pinpoint my recovery to when I started reading regularly again. And that is to say that while I was burned out, I wasn't ALSO sad.

So from now on I will be making an effort to keep reading books for fun.

It's kind of crazy that I had stopped for so long. I mean. I write books people are supposed to read for fun. Kinda hypocritical of me to like.. not do that.

I think maybe I have created this problem for myself with many of my hobbies. I tried to make drawing into a business, tried to do too much too fast, and since then I've barely drawn. I love cartoons so I watch them in Norwegian to help me learn - means I was never just relaxing while watching a cartoon for a few years. Recently started just watching cartoons in English/Japanese if I darn well feel like it.

...enough tangent, back to Why Reading Is Good.

Don't quote me on this, I am just scribbling down thoughts I've been meaning to write down for a month, therefore, am too lazy to track down any sources, but I'm pretty sure reading books is actually scientifically proven to help your brain?? I seem to remember reading your hippocampus shrinks if you don't exercise your brain enough and reading long stories does that. And a shrinking hippocampus causes depression?? I don't know anything much about brains and psychology so I must have read that somewhere.

I think a hippocampus is also like... A horse mermaid.

Again, no source, might be thinking of something from Mermaid Melody.

I'mma go read more of my current book now. It's a history book this time.

Yay books!

[the-wip-project]

SloMo WriNo: Q & A

A few questions about how the SloMo WriNo challenge have come in, so here's the answers to a few of the easy ones. (Don't worry, more complicated questions will be getting their own posts!)

When does it start? The official start date is November 1st.

However this challenge is about you finding your own long term writing rhythm. So if there’s some reason why you can’t begin for a week, a month, or even until next year, that’s fine. Feel free to jump in at any time, and even if you feel like you can’t ‘officially’ start your novel just yet, perhaps you can still begin trying out writing in a SloMo way. You may find yourself easing into things anyway!

Is this plan/event supposed to be just for novels?

Definitely not! I’ve had one person express their intention to write a series of novellas, another to do a second draft, and others plan on writing fanfiction. It’s for whatever you want to write but have been struggling with.

Do those min/max brackets apply for everything one would write in the year? Ideally yes! At least when it comes to writing you’re doing for your own self. (Writing for work and school obviously need to get done at whatever pace you’re required to do them!) The goal here is to establish writing as a long term sustainable habit. Now as time goes on you will probably want to tweak your minimum and maximum word counts, as you get more familiar with your own process. Please go ahead and do that, and then keep on writing within that adjusted ideal zone.

I’m kinda burned out. Should I even try to attempt this? That’s a tough one, and really something you need to answer for yourself based on your current situation and emotional state. If you do decide to attempt the challenge, I recommend keeping your goal word counts (at least initally) at a level that feels ‘too easy’ and taking at least two days each week off writing. If it starts feeling like too much, dial it back even further, or take some time off. This challenge will be going on all year, so you can hop in and out whenever you need to. No guilt needed!

Who are you and why are you claiming to be an expert on this stuff anyway? Actually no one has been so mean as to say that, but there’s been a little confusion about who I am and why I’m posting here. My name is Maree, and Barbex (the one who actually runs this blog) was kind enough to help me out with this challenge and let me post on the WIP blog and the WIP discord. (you can find my own blog at mareebrittenford.)

I completed my first novel in 2015, and since then I’ve written 8 novels, as well as assorted shorter stories and a few (okay maybe more than a few) fanfics. I have managed to publish 4 of the novels and a few short stories have made their way into magazines and anthologies. Now I don’t claim to be a great writer, but the one thing I’m confident of is that I’ve become very good at is Finishing My Stuff. (And finishing stuff with ADHD is a very special skill!)

I created this challenge to share all my tips and tricks, and hopefully help other people also Finish Their Stuff.

If you have any other questions about the challenge (or for me personally) you can reblog with comments, send an ask, or hop onto the WIP discord

[ectocs]

The Lumchagg

Feel like I'm cutting it a bit close this week :P

So. The lumchagg. It's a bird, it's purple, it likes aromatic herbs and it sets itself on fire to revive itself into a worm. Honestly this thing grew on me the more I worked on it.

Ideas behind this design below the cut ! Alongside some doodles, rambles, and concepts :)

It starts life as a "worm" -- a featherless, pink squirmy thing with nubs where its limbs will later grow in. The lengthy tail will later be absorbed to facilitate that.. like a lot of metamorphosing (is that the word?) creatures.

The idea at this point is pretty straightforward. Recently got to watch two robin nests grow, which was interesting, and young birds look really... fleshy. Wanted to give it coloring on its throat like the clitellum on a worm (aka the saddle) but I think it's just not distinctive enough. I gave it four eyes for more of a bug feel, though it's so minor I don't think it matters much in the end.

As it grows and gets feathers, the lumchagg's tail shortens -- the wings are the first limb to fully grow, giving it an amphithere-like appearance, though the legs soon follow within the same day the wings finish growth, making the change from worm to bird seem almost instant. All four eyes are open, though body coloration is not "mature."

Not much to say on this stage; it's a bird with fun antennae-like tufts on its head and a fun beak, a vaguely dinosaur feel, and coloration based sorta on a violet-backed starling. It has faint horns/ridges because ... um...... well to be honest I just decided to give it to the thing based on the dinosaur/dragon/etc vibes in the room.

In the adult stage, they will spend most of their long-lived lives as a darker, mostly-solid purple tone. This coloration lasts until the very end of their lives, at which point the lumchagg's wings become pale on the inside, allowing it to concentrate and direct the sun's rays onto flammable material. Through this method, the bird is able to burn and rebirth itself.

Drew the end-of-life stage here setting itself on fire. Don't ask how white/pale wings lets it burn stuff; it comes back to life, it gets privileges the average white goose doesn't get.

Here is a basic idea of the life cycle, hastily slapped together as a visual:

There was quite a bit of thinking to get to this point. Here is the last sketch page I did. Unlike the other doodles I never bothered coloring it in, as I decided to go with this look.

Note the "wyrm" title -- I initially wanted to do a more dragon-y take, with a final form maybe being an amphithere, but decided against it in the end and changed tracks when I couldn't get that to look right. Liked the idea though, so it gets to be a life stage that exists for 0.1 seconds. You can also see the adult pose change!

The butterfly note here comes from some images I was looking at with interesting wing shapes. Never quite got it how I wanted, pivoted to a purely pennant-winged nightjar kind of wing.

Now the thing I had done earlier was some bugs, which I liked, but ultimately just couldn't draw 'em. Bird can be a loose term, after all, and large black swallowtails flying by at fast speeds have had me thinking a small bird flew past me on multiple occasions.

Plus, well, lots of bugs have worm-children. There are literally just worms, of course. But butterflies, beetles, flies, sawflies... all winged (usually) with little squirmy babies.

And the first doodle page was, of course, birds. I must admit, this is my favorite just because I figured out how to draw birds only on this ONE sketch session. That heron is beautiful. But anyway -- I kinda merged ideas together in the end, giving it several traits from both doodled birds.

In my heart, after all these arts, a lumchagg is a kind of weird purple bird of any type lol. Even from the beginning, I wanted that kind of long feather just for looks. Please note the incorrect text describing what I call the "standard-winged purple swampjarhen." It's a hybrid of a grey-headed swamphen (aka a purple swamphen) and a pennant-winged nightjar. Oops! I was looking at them in a tab, I have no idea how I messed up my own damn text.

Here's a pennant next to a standard -- big difference in silly wing feathers!

[swanimagines]

im half asleep right now (staying up late scrolling when i rlly should be sleeping 😅) but i just was overcome with appreciation for your blog and i really want to let you know that your posts always bring a smile to my face. it makes me so happy to see you feeling comfortable enough to return to tumblr!!! (and i also wanna say please dont be too hard on yourself, youre doing amazing things and seriously appreciate your presence on this website so much ((but would also be on your side in a heartbeat if you ever decided to change platforms again, because at the end of the day the only thing that matters is that youre enjoying yourself and are in a space you feel safe in!!)))

i have my own fanfic blog, that i notably made like the day of a new film releasing, so i think within like that first month i got like ~200 requests that i still havent answered all of- my point being that seeinf you persevere through all your requests makes me feel like i have the strength in me too to complete my own. it just makes me feel like im not alone/its okay to be human and go at my own pace

anyway im so sorry if this is rambly or clunky or makes no sense. im typing this with clumsy fingers on mobile tumblr so everythings really janky 😭 so ill just wrap this up before i fall asleep with my phone fallen ontop of my face and just say, thank you. thank you for doing what you do & making me feel less alone

(and, ofcourse, a huge thank you for all the amazing fics youve posted over the years, im still making mt way through your masterlists and every new fic i read brings me so much joy)

sending so many positive vibes your way. i hope life (and people on tumblr) treats you super well, you deserve it!!! 💞💞💞

PHOTO TEXT: "same rambly overtired anon from a second ago- i also just wanted to say your commitment to always returning to writing even when you burn out or take long breaks also really resonates with me. it reminds me that im not some sort of failure just because i cant write all the time, and its like a light at the end of the tunnel reminding me i can always come back no matter how long its been

okay, thats all for real this time!!! im holding myself accountable and saying ill got to sleep as soon as i send this ask 😅😅 (i need energy so i can have a blast writing tomorrow after all!! 😄)"

ANONNNNNN YOU MADE ME SMILE SO WIIIIDE!! It cheered me up a lot, even though I'm very cheery anyway right now because of next week (!!!!), but you made my day even better!

Honestly I still do have fleeting moments when I wonder why did I come back because there are some rude/weird people who pop into my inbox/messages once in a while, but people like you are exactly one reason why I decided to come back to post!!

Just a while ago, someone splatted multiple very long and detailed smut scenarios with extreme kinks to me through IM's and was like "I'm not asking you to write these but what do you think of these ideas?" and when I told them that it makes me really uncomfortable and I can't even finish reading that first message, they were like "oh, ok. But what do you think of them?" and yeah I was pretty creeped out, in the end I had to block that person because it felt like they pressured me to finish reading those.

But overall, the feeling of being here has been healthier than when I left? I'm kinda scared of The Sandman season 2 though 😅 (Last time S1 was one of the culprits that made me leave, people just wouldn't understand why I don't write smut for it when everyone else does, there was a huge beef about it and yeah, browsing through Morpheus tag is still very much smut sooo mmh, S2 scares me + I'm also scared of whether there's going to be the same kind of drama that was with Harry Potter/me writing for Harry Potter when JKR started clowning around, which drove me away and ultimately completely made me lose interest to write for it/return to write for it. I just hope people won't attack us who will continue writing for The Sandman despite what Neil Gaiman has been doing)

But on the other hand, seeing that a lot of people in the community have left because of pressuring/guilt-tripping/toxic people, it may have contributed in how people are more polite, or at least attempting to be more polite? Most people who I've asked to send in their "machine request" again with a hello/please/thank you have done so and usually with an apology too. In 2022, such people either told me to fuck off or alternatively told me to fuck off + blocked me, so this is an improvement and it makes me have hope for the future of this community!

And yeah haha, glad to know there are people who understand the way my to-do list is packed. There have been a few people who requested and pulled their request off when they learned that it won't be coming out next because they've been used to writers who write their request within a week max from after they send it in, and I understand why people find my way confusing, why I just don't close requests. But like SOMEHOW those people who don't see any of the "requests are closed" signs always seem to send me the most amazing requests that hurt to turn down because my requests were closed 😅 So that + because the DRAMA was unbelieveable every time my requests closed, I made a decision to open my request box for good. People request and virtually sign an agreement to wait patiently, but they also have the right to pull their request out if they get tired of waiting and want to send their idea to someone else.

Also I'm proud of myself for having succeeded in keeping up a steady pace of posting for these first few months (currently my active queue is running until April 11, and hopefully beyond that) after being extremely slow for so long and I want to give some credit to supportive people like you for that!

(Also 200 requests during the first month?? 😳 You must be a brilliant writer if so many people found you in such a short time, even if that film is a massive success (which I assume it was)!)

Have a good day, week, year, decade writing sweet nonny and thank you so much for sending this message 💕

[turoce]

Seana's 2023 art highlights

(surprisingly, not a reupload this time!)

January: i drew nothing! we're off to a great start.

February: i drew something! i love Champ even if i haven't drawn anything tf2 related since April. i think it was this piece where i decided to give Champ RED coloring. [link]

also, this is the month i made my second Moldy plush.... i wasn't very happy with this one, though. [link]

March: uhhhh. more of my tf2 ocs but i think those aren't that interesting. just go to my tf2 oc blog @brokenbrainstormbulb if you wanna see them honestly, i have an image limit to keep ffs. that said, this was around the time i got into TC2, so i drew a lot of that kind of stuff... i'm never drawing stuff for it ever again, sorry. [link]

April: look at the cool thing i drew for a fellow tf2 robot fan! now, this is the point in time where i start drawing more because of a certain interest, so look forward to all the art that'll come up here.....

May: wow, this really was my first public piece of Papa Louie art, huh. i was so proud of it when i showed it off on tumblr the first time... i don't like it as much anymore. for one, the office wall color is wrong.... i still can't believe Papa Louie was what got me out of art block, but god, i'm glad it did. i don't think i've drawn this much before, and even though the community's tiny, i'm glad to give back as much as i can. anyways, i said something like "it's so funny that people think they're either super married or divorced as hell" on the same post. i still think that, and it's defos funny as hell, but i've grown a kind of appreciation towards the ship as well. like yeah, you go girls, we love that extra slow burn with so many road bumps on the way! [link]

June: how the hell did i pump this out. this was also like a few days before i had to leave for the airport too... i don't know myself sometimes. i swear i still love Boigashipping! i just... i'm just busy with other ships okkkk [link]

July: i didn't draw anything...? i was in Bali. and i was busy selling adopt designs to draw anything substantial, oopsie! actually, i DID draw the first part of WDB... it's uh, still the only part. i'm sorry!!!! i'm sorry!!!! i swear i have the whole thing outlined!!! can you just give me anons about the story instead so you won't have to wonder what comes next!! [link]

August: TOSI fixation. it had not gone past it's conceptual stage, i must note. i do wish i would do something about it though. [link]

September: the art trade i did with my friend! actually, i was a few weeks late with my part, so it was supposed to be finished by August. oops. i like the textures tbh. my Chuseok drawings.... i need to draw more characters in hanbok, hee hee. [link]

October: (breaths in) ...this is the month i finally gave into the JoGotcha wantings. LOOK. ever since someone put the idea into my brain i couldn't get enough of it, and like,, nobody draws the ship anymore so i had to take matters into my own hands. this is the first ship i'm this obsessed with. i usually leave ship stuff to other people but this time that wasn't enough and i... i had to do SOMETHING, y'know? [link]

Cringetober? who's that? haha;; i stopped feeling like doing the whole list after less than a week. impressive.

November: oh look, Plushy Power League. Quinn didn't win, but i do like the thing i drew as propaganda, so whateves. the first Papa Louie character i ever drew (minus Chuck and Taylor)... did i change how i draw her? uhh. maybe? i'm not too sure. [link]

also look! the keychain drawing... i need to talk about my Gods and Monsters au again at some point. actually, since i last uploaded the image of my keychain, i revised it tons... it's kinda different now, and i defos think it looks better. this is actually the time i finally fixed the stupid display setting thing that was really messing up my coloring! [link 1] [link 2]

December: ...oops! tablet broke. and i got my 3ds back so i just didn't draw that much even after exams were over. didn't stop me from drawing though, and in fact i think i made something pretty neat with my christmas art.... even if it did come one day late. [link]

wow. that's a whole year of stuff... and that's defos a lot! i think i'm really happy with what i drew this year.... i don't know what was in my water the last few years but my art highlights felt really.... miserable? for some reason. i mean, yeah, i didn't do a lot of what i had planned (GOE ANIMATIC IM SORRY) but i can see that i've done just as much with my hands anyways, so like, who cares? plus, i always have next year... that's coming in 3 hours, oh god- so, maybe i won't be too hard on myself for not fulfilling my goals... like, i kinda glossed over it, but i did sell my designs for money, and that's like, really impressive! so many people around me buy and sell their art stuff already, so i guess i didn't really register it as something to be proud of... but doing that shit (making, and marketing) is hard!! so like, it's a wow moment for me!

anyways, i'm tired, i only came back home a few hours ago, and i need to get up again for church in a few hours.... mrphgdjd. lets stop being sentimental, and i'll see you people next year. that's a long way off! hope you don't miss me.

[theoryfan205]

We finished the first how to train your dragon movie. I have no idea if any of my followers are really into the lore or have even watched the movies (watch at least the first one I just watched it and it's fucking good. Dragons my beloved) but you know what? You're getting roya httyd worldbuilding ideas anyway because they're gonna be seen somehow damnit.

Tizemt and her family aren't vikings, I imagine they live simply on the mainland but right by the ocean, it's on the outskirts of a dragons nest but the queen inside is more chill so the dragons don't have much reason to get all angry or raid the local human populations. Despite this when dragons do kinda rear their head the local population still freaks the fuck out, so tizemt took up the mantle as the only dragon fighter in her home.

When dragons get too close for comfort tizemt shows up and fights them off, before there used to be some controversy about her killing them for this, but luckily a few decades ago she has taken to instead relocating them after she tires them out with a beating! The city rejoices at its defender, and because dragons are more tame in comparison to berks situation there isn't a need to train more dragon hunters if that's not a term used for something else in the spin off shows. Tizemt herself lives on an island a bit offshore from the main city, alongside her husband and her daughter.

In reality, when tizemt stopped killing the dragons was around when she got married to nasir, their agreement in this au becomes tizemt hand delivers dragons to her husband who she believes are a threat to her people, and nasir can experiment on the fascinating creatures to his heart's content. I imagine their regular deal of criminals being given to him also still holds true, whatever criminals tizemt deals with will often be taken away by her for nasir to experiment on. Prometheus in this universe experimented heavily on dragons due to their apex predator undiscovered status, most who met them weren't the scientific type after all, so it was a prime opportunity when he discovered them, they're apex predators compared to other species and so they're perfect for his ideas of evolution on humanity. The depths of his experiments with himself are yet to be decided.

Roya is mostly unaware of her father's experiments, his workshop that leads beneath the island is filled with dragons he tests various things on, far enough down that she can't hear the roars but she still longs to go in there, the sound of his tinkering entices her, and she begs constantly to be let in.

One day, a baby scauldron is found on the shores of their home, so tizemt declares she'll take it back home! She doesn't. She brings it back to nasir first, a baby is rare after all, and she has no doubt it'll remember the way back and cause trouble as an adult. Unfortunately it's small and manages to escape, nasir goes out at night to try and find it and roya, believing him to be doing stuff related to his research, follows him. Unfortunately mama scauldron had recently arrived for her baby, alerted by roya she attacks and hits roya square on the back. I imagine roya alerted the mama scauldron by finding the baby one and getting so excited she was found easily, this incident gets roya her burn scar across her back and bedriddens her. Nasir in relation kills the mother scauldron but the baby gets away around when roya loses consciousness. Nasir doesn't focus on the baby dragon because his baby is hurt and so he rushes her home. A few weeks after roya wakes up but is still bedridden he comes in one morning to find the scauldron at her window and roya egging it on to come in, she gives him the puppy dog eyes and when he calls tizemt for backup she is no help. So roya gets a dragon friend during her recovery. He figures the dragon feels bad about her injury and will leave once she's better but it does not, it is a struggle to get her to not take that dragon with her to school.

I read somewhere that the original plan for hiccup in the movies was for berk to become a global powerhouse due to the dragon thing, that they'd go around ensuring dragon safety and freedom for their metals that were made stronger due to the dragons, I don't think this happens in the shows and especially not the movies, but I imagine with hiccups charting thing in at least one of the TV shows so for this au I can say that hiccup and berk discover tizemts home in present day and try to step up friendly relations and fix the dragon fighter thing tizemt has going on. When they first arrive it's not a friendly welcome because the immediate thing focused on is dragons, but the hostility dies down once tizemt sees there's people and she switches up her tune.

Roya's rebellion is sneaking out with her dragon, who's now much bigger and able to be ridden, roya isn't as adept as hiccup is with blacksmithing so she resorts to more unsafe methods of keeping herself saddled to her scauldron, name pending. Nasir gets a heart attack every time but instead she just keeps her escapades secret. Just like her father she does find herself fascinated with dragons and how they work, but unlike him she goes about it differently and more on her own. She'll take her scauldron out and keeps a little notebook of all the things she knows it can do, she doesn't have a dragon encyclopedia like berk did so she goes about creating her own, it's mostly filled with similar information but it was discovered by her own hands with no idea of outside knowledge, girl would love hearing about hiccup and toothless, he gave a dragon a prosthetic?! Tell her more!

In this au I think it'd be one where nasir doesn't die at the start, maybe he dies later on but for the start of her story where the dragon riders get involved it's a roya before her grief and betrayal, far more openly curious and excited about the world, a bit strange and sometimes says the wrong thing but she doesn't care because she has a best friend for life in her dragon. I imagine she'd be ecstatic to find out other people also befriended dragons, laughing at how she knew she was right and she wasn't the only one. Who knows, maybe they find out about this place not because of charting but because roya ventured out farther then usual and she meets the group investigating some missing dragons around these parts, she mentions her mother often fights dragons to make them go away so maybe she knows where they went after she "relocates" them, unintentionally leading them to her parents secret.

[asuiru]

the show im working on has been doing weekly covid tests for everyone where they provide the tests and then everyone can unmask backstage. isn't that great? thats great! yay!

anyways. cut to last saturday. a cast member's out with a positive covid test. i run out and grab a mask. one of the actors presumably gets anxious and studies their theater provided at home covid test kit. checks the expiration date. would you like to guess what the package says. surely not more than 12 months ago.

he comes up to me and asks about it, understandably concerned; i assume this is an honest mistake on the parts of the stage manager and director, and run it up the ladder. oh this is in the middle of a show, by the way, so this is through the headset.

my fellow asm: hey [stage manager] apparently the covid tests are a year expired.

stage manager: yes! [director] told me they are still functional. please tell any actors that if they ask.

i run back to the actor and relay this information, fully aware that it sucks ass: "[stage manager] said [director] said they still work"

i head back to my post and start googling what the expiration date on covid tests means. in the middle of this the actor comes back in and he's found some important information: if this batch of tests' expiration date was extended. it was! for how long you ask? well. 3 months. so instead of 12 months expired they are 9 months expired. great.

i say that probably only the stage manager and director have any say in this and they should probably get a group together to figure out how to confront them about it cuz its kinda extremely shitty of them. i also finish my own research and determine that expiration dates on covid tests signifies when false negatives begin to occur more often because whatevers detecting the covid in there begins to break down.

actors text the stage manager. show ends. i pass the stage manager in probably a stressful call with who i assume is the director. i feel kind of bad for her.

i finish everything up and walk into the prop room to see essentially a stand off between the stage manager and some actors. "you can buy your own covid tests i won't be offended! we provide these for FREE." oh dear.

i smile and nod and go home. that night i decide my opinion is that it wouldve been fine to give the expired tests out if theyd been transparent about it at the start, as both director and stage manager had clearly known about the tests being expired. whatever.

wake up sunday. another positive covid test in the cast. sunday matinee cancelled. ah. i go out and get 8 free tests through insurance and also my flu shot and new covid vaccine. i burn through 2 covid tests. negative. i go to dungeons and dragons.

wake up monday. headaches probably from my shots yesterday. 5 total positive covid tests in the cast; up from 2. director's email: one of the positive cases was detected with the theater's (expired) tests. :) so they still work. :) told you so. bro. take the L. you have a super spreader event at your show.

wake up tuesday. headaches persist. burn through 2 more covid tests because i left the first one in the solution for 30+ minutes and it gave me a positive after being negative at 15 min. second one says im fine. also my period just started which is fucked up. director: thursday and probably friday shows are canceled. no update in the email as to the current number of covid cases. charming. director wants to add two performances next week. its starting to feel like a sinking ship. its been 3 days since i saw anyone in the cast/crew. if i was gonna get covid i wouldve tested positive by now, right? right??? if i feel kinda shitty that's normal first day of period hormones. 2 negative tests in mind, i go to see the touring broadway production of wicked.

wake up wednesday. more accurately, i stay awake all night before wednesday and do a covid test at 6 in the morning in a bout of insomnia induced paranoia. i have covid. incredible. wonderful. i was infectious at wicked and probably also dnd. i email the stage manager. the director's email comes in: fridays show canceled due to an 'abundance of caution'. haha. yeah. an 'abundance'. no mention of how many positive tests are in the cast/crew again. very reassuring. directors email mentions to send the test results to him too so i do that. they both reply to my emails at the exact same time with get well messages despite me having sent them some 4 hours apart. wow. they are in a fucking crisis call arent they.

anyway. i think they are fucked. genuinely cannot imagine any other way for this to go than for the rest of the run to get canceled. its only a week and a half until closing night; if we go by the number of 5 positive tests on monday, and i tested positive on wednesday, we're at least 6; i must assume more people than just me have tested positive since monday, maybe up to approx 10. cast itself cant be larger than like 25-30 people. crew is pretty small, with 6 people here regularly for shows. ~10 people out for at least a week is simply untenable. we are dead in the fucking water.

this sucks because this production of in the heights is genuinely really good. and i genuinely liked the stage manager and director before this whole shitfest. theyve handled this extremely poorly though, so. well.

[ghostinmybrain]

So I haven’t been on here for a while so I decided to give yall a little life update! So if you’ve been here for a little you know I was trying to reach a goal weight before my trip to Germany last month. I didn’t end up making weight and was really upset over it but Germany was super fun and I wasn’t as concerned with cals over there actually. Probably because I was doing a lot more walking haha. Some of the days I was getting close to 3000 total cals burned which was impressive! I’m really short so normally the cals I end up burning in a normal day are lower so it really showed how doing a bunch more walking really affected it. One of the days I even got 26000+ steps!

I didn’t end up ever finishing a meal at a restaurant there, the portion sizes were fairly large, surprisingly. I felt really bad about it because well, I didn’t finish any of my food and at one place I barely ate anything which looking back now it’s like goals but when it happened I was upset because I knew somebody made this, I paid for the whole thing, but I ate none of it.

After I got back I got sick and ended up missing the first week of marching band which I’m really upset about because we have alternates again this year and I really don’t want to be an alternate. I’ve still have a wicked cough tho so the directors can tell that I was actually sick last week and not just trying to get out of band which will hopefully help.

A perk of being sick though is I’ve just been having a bunch of soup which is generally lower is cals so I haven’t been too focused on them. It’s been nice not focusing on what I’m eating all the time but it’s also nice to get back into all of this and really focusing on keeping my cals low. Because in Germany I didn’t see any cals on menus which was nice, but also kinda sucked haha.

Now that I’m eating more than just soup tho I’ve been a lot more focused on my food and the calories. I’m doing my best to keep to only two meals a day max, and hopefully after band camp next week and drill week after that I can work down to only one because I eat dinner much earlier because of band.

All in all, it kinda feels like my ED kinda went to the back burner for a little, and now it’s moving up again to something I really focus on. This seems to be a little trend with me, every past year it gets way worse during marching band but after band has been over for a few months it kinda backs off a bit and I have a harder time keeping up with my goals. It might be because I have less chances to exercise (goal for this year is to exercise more so we’ll do our best to keep it up) and also less real life inspo because there are a lot of really skinny people in band and it makes me want to eat so much less so that way I can beat them.

Anyway, that’s the life update.not much honestly, gonna definitely get back into tracking my calories better and hopefully losing more weight! Thanks for dealing with my ramblings

[keefiswhoiam]

May 23 - 2024 Thursday

11:30pm

5.5/10

Days for awhile now just keep being 'meh'. Even good days are kinda ruined by how meh I feel and how much I'm thinking about things. Thats why I need a break from the thinking.

This morning I made my mirror and sink spotless. I took great care and attention in making sure I wiped down every centimeter of the thing. I also cleaned out and reorganized the cleaning supply cabinet and had to take my trash out. For breakfast I made a jimmy dean sandwich and some cheetos. Also snuck a cookie with my coffee. I didn't feel like streaming at all this morning, I wasn't in a very good mood. But I tried anyways.

On stream I tried warming up with cats but switched to ponies. Then I worked on SZ's commission for about 90 minutes. No one showed up but 57 today and there was little talking. We couldn't watch shows because my internet wouldn't allow it. I ended early so I could go to the store for drinks. On the way there mom told me about the funeral plan for my nephew, I'm going to have to watch the house until next Wednesday. At the store I asked the nice lady if she had a favorite show lately. She said she watches a lot of anime and has been watching this show called Carnival Row I haven't heard of. I told her I've been watching Black Mirror. I kinda crumbled and became too robotic. I wish I had asked what kinds of animes and I wish I told her I've been watching cartoons like She Ra and Moral Orel. Regret is my strongest teacher right now so I'll do better next time.

When I got home I worked the remaining 30 minutes on SZ's commission and finished it. They really liked it and so did the others in their group. Then I watched more of this Star Wars hotel video DS sent me until I decided to roast hotdogs for lunch finally. I split one of the last logs for wood, got my firepit set up, and found a good stick to carve down. I had to thaw the bun and wieners in the microwave and then I toasted it all over the fire. The stick sucked, I had to redo the end multiple times because it kept burning. I didn't cook the hotdogs long enough to get warm inside so I microwaved them to finish. I ate them by the fire with ketchup and that was nice.

When I came in, I did a really weird request and worked on another Tumblr idea afterwards. I worked on this sketch for an hour but still don't think it's quite right so I'm going to redo it for the 3rd time next week. I'm not doing a good job of pumping out 1 idea per week, this drawing is currently going to take 3 weeks. I almost napped on my desk towards the end and did no VRchat world work today.

To chill for the evening I mostly watched some stuff like that star wars video. I tried booting up Minecraft to work on my snowman town more and joined AE and friends in the server VC. I didn't say anything the whole time, I just listened to them play Monster Hunter. When DS was free I left to call her and kept playing. We chilled to some music and then I put on that very long star wars video for both of us. When she went upstairs, I joined BR and seemingly the rest of the entire server in their VC to say hi. They were watching a really funny reaction video.

In bed DS and I did our puzzles and the connections was really stupid today. It was very late for both of us but I stayed up to enjoy the time with her. Its why I'm up late right now. I dont regret staying up but I do regret being in my thoughts too much tonight, especially with no intent of speaking up about it. I would have preferred letting it go for now so I could be an engaged, enjoyable person.

Like I said, this morning kinda sucked. Again I woke up and realized I don't like where things are and it started getting to me. At some point I journaled about a lot and got some other thoughts out. I think I'm getting closer to figuring out how to focus on what I think is important in a very simple way. First of all I knew not to act on how I was feeling because I wasn't in my rightest mind. I think whenever I act like that, I'll tend to be making decisions that work against me or from a place of selfishness. I also knew that to undermine my negative/unhelpful behavior, I can focus on doing my best no matter what I'm doing. Thats how I become proud of myself. It helps focus on whats really important like whats right in front of me. This is especially true of my relationships. Since they involve someone else, normally someone very important to me, I want to do them justice. It helps me become my best me.

[mid-noon]

started writing my delicious fandom smoothie abomination. encountered a Problem (affectionate). I want to include the crew but they're barely present in the book. and I don't know how I should interpret their willingness to stay in the underwater state of the art tin can and not overthrow its captain; is it loyalty or is it manipulation? when asked about how the Nautilus was assembled, Nemo did mention other people - presumably his crew - and said "I set up my workshops on a deserted islet in midocean. There our Nautilus was completed by me and my workmen, in other words, by my gallant companions whom I’ve molded and educated. Then, when the operation was over, we burned every trace of our stay on that islet(..)" . [x] "molded and educated" may have two meanings; he seems to respect his people by referring to them as his "gallant companions", but that might be deceiving. however. i am leaning towards genuine loyalty and devotion to the cause rather than to a person and that's purely because I want to. (also secret third option they all are or used to be a polycule) so that's probably set, although it has only been a few hours since I've started cooking this up so i might change my point of view or just remember some other things about the crew (and a tkluts re-read is probably incoming. it's inevitable at this point, I'm sure. I don't even remember how many times I've read it, which means it's a few reads away from entering my great book pantheon, sharing a golden bookshelf throne with the thief of time by sir terry pratchett. who knows, I might even get a physical copy.)

the second problem that has come up is purely doctor who related and it's about the TARDIS translation matrix - Nemo and his crew communicate in a "secret language", and I don't think we as readers know what language that is, but I'm kinda? assuming? it is an already existing one, and not from the language families of any of the original tkluts MCs (they Didn't Understand). but since the TARDIS is equipped with a both sided translation thingy, my new inserts would be able to understand said secret language (probably - don't come for me, I haven't finished all of doctor who yet and so I might be wrong). and I am too full of ideas for how to deal with that!!! I can't decide!!!!

problem number three is that as a time travel obsessed little guy who loves headcanoning the hell out of their favourite characters to the point they basically become a completely different person I am haunted by the idea of making Nemo a time traveller from the relatively near future (like the 2100s or something?) . that would Kind Of explain how he's gotten such far advanced knowledge - for the book's time - without stripping him of his genius. for a backstory I'm thinking accidentally ending up in the 19th century in around college age - trying and failing to go back - furthering his education in the Past - getting rich - becoming a revolutionary - making plans, arranging and assembling the Nautilus with materials available to him, processing food and cigars and fabric and generating electricity. that would also give him a reason Not To kill the doctor upon seeing them. but ultimately he'd be staying on board of the Nautilus and the rest of the story would continue as it does. as for book time - I'm thinking of putting the TARDIS there not long before - or even after - the Abraham Lincoln was deployed; that would give the dr's story time to unravel and come to an end, and still leave a few weeks for the crew to cool off and go back to their normal routine. going a little more into how I understand Nemo's character, it would also be easier for him to keep Pierre and the others, after he's had a talk with the doctor and made a conscious decision to stay in the xix th century. because maybe he regrets it but now he has a nice french professor to have homoerotic tension with

anyway. if the takes are wrong feel free to tell me to kms

encountered this on the tardis wiki,

(my honest reaction)

but my point is. upon seeing his name on the wiki something came over me. I had a revelation. this battle is too tough for me and I am a very weak soldier. we are making a delicious fandom smoothie; enough fucking around I am landing the TARDIS on the nautilus as we speak. stay tuned for the worst thing you've ever seen.