#anyways never not thinking about them™
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anxiouslowercase · 7 months ago
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canon au eoin-survives-the fall hc ish ???
Just picture Augustin looking at Eoin and paddy (as a pair) and him trying to figure them out and ofc his first thought is paddy is the moon and Eoin is the sun ??? Besides of the straightforward comparison just by looking at them and seeing them behave, there's no denying that paddy seems to shine when he's hit by eoin's light, whenever he is around the man
And that seems all fair and good, but something is not quite right anyway? Because the sun and the moon don't orbit each other the way they do - you could argue they helplessly follow one another, never quite meeting but. Even if unsaid, Augustin would propose there's actually something there, paddy and eoin are meeting (however one wished to interpret that). So the analogy doesn't fully track and he shouldn't even think about it that much bc like. Who cares, right? Except he does, and he keeps looking at them and observing them and he wriggles himself sort of next to them whenever he's allowed to, or between them, and he pays attention but still can't put his finger on it
Until there's a mission with both Irishmen leading different squads and augustin happens to see with his very eyes how Eoin mcgonigal goes absolutely feral when paddy does not show up at rendezvous point with his unit. He doesn't scream but he growls, and he very much still raises his voice, firm and with authority, and it booms through the desert, and Augustin literally sees him get all up on reg fucking seekings' personal space, grab him and rough him up against the nearest surface, yell and demand about paddy in more languages than augustin knew eoin was fluent in
-- until paddy does show up. A bit dirty and with probably some bruises, but very much alive and kicking
And everything in eoin mcgonigal's body comes undone, all pliant and invitingly gentle again - even if he does get on Paddy's case about his recklessness
And that's when Augustin comes to the conclusion that whereas paddy is indeed the moon (lunatic that he is,) Eoin is but the earth - they are constantly orbiting each other, eoin's gravity pulls paddy in at every turn.
But most importantly, Eoin needs Paddy the way the earth needs the moon to control the tides. With them gone, tsunamis would wreak havoc inside Eoin mcgonigal, taking anyone who dares come close in the process.
It's somehow fascinating and, dare he say, somewhat alluring.
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waitineedaname · 2 months ago
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I've finally done what I inevitably do for nearly every fandom i get into: I've made a deranged spreadsheet tracking some linguistic element in a piece of media! this time it's tracking the usage of swears in Scum Villain. if you're curious, here's the full spreadsheet, but I'll write up my findings here
some notes on my methods!
I differentiated between internal and external use. external use is pretty straight forward, that's just dialogue said out loud. for internal use, that's when it's used in the narration. obviously, this is skewed towards Shen Qingqiu as our primary POV character, but occasionally the narration dips its toes into other characters' perspectives, so I kept that in mind and assigned the usage to whoever seemed most relevant in that snippet of narration. also, in the case of the transmigrators, I also counted speech directed at the System as internal because they're less likely to self-censor when talking to the System because no one else can hear them
this was done by searching for specific words and their variants in online copies of the official English translations of all four books. there are a bajillion different swears in the English language, but I tried to focus on the most common/most likely to be used. also, since I was searching for the words manually, there are going to be some that are missed because they're written out abnormally, like lengthening the word for emphasis (eg. fuuuuuuuuuck) or censoring it (eg. b- [BLEEP]). side note, i don't know why the hell SQQ ever censors anything since he seems pretty comfortable thinking some pretty foul things without censoring them, but whatever.
now for the results! data breakdown under the cut
in total, of the swears I searched for, there's 286 swears across all four books. book two is the most vulgar, with 82 swears, and book three is the least, with only 52. book two also has the most variety (14 different words) and book three has the least variety (only 10 different words)
perhaps unsurprisingly, out of these 286 swears, SQQ's internal narration is responsible for 200 of them. his most used swear is "fuck" which appears 106 times in total and 86 times from SQQ (internal) specifically
following SQQ (internal) in the rankings is Shang Qinghua (internal) at 30 in total. his most used swear is "fucking." after that is SQH's external dialogue (14 swears, most used is "fuck") and then SQQ's external dialogue (11 swears, tied between "fuck" and "fucking"). considering how much he swears in his head, I think SQQ is exhibiting a surprising amount of restraint when it comes to swearing out loud!
aside from the transmigrators, the most vulgar side character is, surprisingly, Shen Jiu! he gets two internal uses of "fuck" and two external swears ("shitty" and "damn"). these are all from when he was younger, so perhaps this is a habit he broke when he got older and had to present a particular image as peak lord
the only other side characters who swear are Sha Hualing (internal), Bingge (internal), Linguang-Jun (external), Qiu Jianluo (external), and Ming Fan. all of them only swear once except Ming Fan, who gets two (one internal and one external)
of the 18 swear words I tracked, SQQ used all of them except one. the only person to say "bitch" is Ming Fan, out loud. #MingFanMisogynyMoments
SQQ does, however, have a monopoly on motherfuck/motherfucker/motherfucking, goddammit, dumbass, dick, and pussy. damn dude, you kiss your disciple with that mouth?
pre-transmigration, Shen Yuan swore three times in one forum post, those being "fucking," "damn," and "ass."
most usages of "ass" are for emphatic purposes, like "Relax, my ass!" Both SQQ and SQH really enjoy this construction lol
despite volume two being the most vulgar, it has the least variety of speakers! SQQ is responsible for all but two of those swears, the other two belonging to Sha Hualing and Ming Fan. volume four has the most variety, likely because it just involves a wide variety of characters
and that's my data roundup! go forth and use this as a resource when choosing how to insert swearing into your SVSSS dialogue <3
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djevelbl · 2 months ago
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I made the joke of "somebody get Phoenix fucking Wright hired for Ace. this dumbass cat needs him DESPERATELY" twice more or less in like 2hrs and. y'know what. that's a good idea actually I'm announcing my Ace Attorney and The Realm SMP crossover au--
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theintelligentfool · 10 months ago
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hey! i'm still thinking a lot about the minecraft movie and how much potential there is to take the plot in just about any direction - i understand why it would be impractical at best to try and make a film adaptation of the fallen kingdom saga, but that would probably be my favorite...
all this to say: i would love to see other people's takes on potential plots! i think it's actually kind of a lovely way to capture different people's relationships to the game - so reblog this and add (on the post or in the tags) any ideas you feel strongly about? :0
#me personally if i came up with an original plot rather than Music Video Adaptation#i think it could be about some kids with a minecraft server together (maybe only some of them are already familiar with the game) with#several realworld scenes in live action and !!!ANIMATED!!! scenes taking place on the server (maybe several different styles! to represent#mods or their different playstyles or just a gag about resource packs or whatever! but that's very self indulgent) and the live action#real world scenes would have them Uncovering Mysteries of some sort that tie into Strange Mishaps taking place on their server#magic stuff like the villager npcs coming to life! that sort of thing! :)#something something they have to Save The World by saving their minecraft server from a threat (ender dragon army? herobrine? Corruption™?)#and the epilogue is like... they've defeated the threats and keep playing happily in their server with the npcs (villagers + a pet mob) and#figure out how to transfer them to new worlds so they get to keep doing something new but never have to give up eachother or what they shar#several cameo roles by people like joehills if possible#minecraft#mineblr#minecraft movie#the minecraft movie#...also i think them playing on hypixel or something for a training montage would be really cute#fool.txt#ALSO. ive seen some people suggest stop motion (banger) or MCSM style (banger) or straight up old minecraft music video animations (banger)#but my favorite by far to picture is something that takes more inspiration from the spiderverse movies / the new tmnt movie / mitchells vs#the machines But Squares And With Pixel Textures#i think it would be pretty...#also i want the end poem's themes as a plot point honest to god#maybe it plays over the epilogue?#or during the climax as they Save The Game™#...anyways
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psychopomp-namine · 1 year ago
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I am about to start a neji route (because I feel that I need at least three playthroughs to fully understand neji and his plays, so I can't leave him for last). so my thoughts on this may change, but for the moment, my thesis is that neji and kisa are the same kind of thespian, just in different fonts.
(I am slightly exaggerating kisa'a character here. there are hints and I do think pushing the envelope of what her character could be is part of what makes kisa... kisa. as I'll explain later, for better and worse, kisa is constrained by the conventions of being an otome heroine.)
anyway. in essence. neji turns Other Persons into stories,
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and kisa turns Other Persons into performances,
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while they both simultaneously run away from, avoid, or sacrifice Becoming Persons themselves, for the sake of theater
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or maybe it's the other way around. something something discovery if not recognition of the self through the other... except they're both unreliable narrators so who's to say if the recognition actually takes hold, really. kisa at least is a little bit self aware. neji, on the other hand, deals with realizations of the self through writing, without actually processing them (e.g. ms robin, domina, etc).
I keep thinking about (novel) kisa closing her eyes and feeling like her sense of self would melt away until tsuki centers her and gives her theater as a way to heal from the grief of losing her mother. it happens again during tsuki's univeil performance: kisa curling in on herself and tsuki pulling her back to theater as way to help kisa move forward with her dreams. pretending to be others is more fun than being herself.
and then there is neji (insert spiderman pointing at spiderman meme). but in his case, he would rather play eccentric roles, caricatures, comic relief, than be a Person With Depth on stage. neji is always either a seer of some kind (a fortune teller, a ghost who sees 10 seconds into the future) or a bit character (employee A), or... whatever he initially planned for domina. he is the mechanic behind the stage, but never the lead actor. his vulnerabilities do not need to "stolen" for the story, though others' are fair game.
kisa does not think about gender as it applies to herself in her daily life (mostly) and only sees it through the lens of acting and theater. how does she act mukai vs maiden, charles vs chicchi? the same way that neji does not think about the motifs and characters he writes as a window to himself, but rather as objects to be put on stage. rukiora is based on a younger neji, mary jane is I Am Death: Revisited (mary jane is to takihime as gashadokuro is to jacob), sissia is always meant to be the foil to I Am Death. but neji doeen't really understand that just like how he didn't understand oh rama havenna. sissia (kisa route, jack jeanne ver) is to kisa as domina is to neji.
literally kisa at her most extreme is just theater thoughts 24/7
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kisa "I don't like being me; I'd rather be other people" tachibana 🤝 kokuto "I need to experiment and witness visions I can't create or I'll die" neji: this is a totally sane and Normal way to cope with abandonment and grief 👍
(it is not implied in the game, but since kisa turned to theater to cope with grief as a child, I wonder if the reason she never looks too deeply into tsuki's disappearance is because she's once again using theater as an excuse to conveniently Not Think About It. out of sight, out of mind. tsuki must be doing well, wherever he is, whatever it is he's doing.)
there is also the meta perspective of how kisa in-game inhabits a role where the player can (and is expected to) self-insert. otome dictates that protagonist kisa must be malleable to the player (who can choose to focus on a variety of relationships in her stead), and the plot dictates that actor kisa must be malleable to her stage roles (jack or jeanne, maiden or hero, flower or vessel), and novel kisa dictates that kisa must malleable to pretending to be other people because it's more preferable to being herself.
every thought she has about herself must be tied to acting, somehow. kisa's personhood is defined through stagecraft. she is the maiden, and mukai, and charles, and chicchi, and sissia. she can romance anyone in the school, of the player's choosing. she can be jack, and jeanne, and jack jeanne. don't get me wrong; kisa is her own character and has a strongly defined personality, but the story also demands for her to be malleable. a painting and a blank canvass at the same time.
neji externalizes where kisa internalizes. where kisa Must Perform™ to function and to avoid herself, neji Must Create™ to function and to avoid himself. scriptwriter neji dictates that neji must use everything at his disposal — his memories, his classmates, his obscure knowledge — as inspiration for stories. director neji dictates that he must use everything he knows about his actors — their complexes, their relationships, their weaknesses and strengths — as inspiration for stories. from the cook (mitsuki) needing apricots for a recipe and wanting to harvest honey from a beehive, to mary jane (fumi) being good at sewing and wanting an equal in jacob. suzu and sou fighting and developing a rivalry leads to jire and fugio fighting over chicchi. kai limits himself as a vessel in hasekura, and kai learns to embrace his desires as the priest. from the water/ocean/drowning themes, to rukiora being based on neji's younger self, and her family life and relationship with domina.
every thought neji has must be tied to stories, somehow. neji's personhood is scattered through stagecraft. the more you read his plays and lyrics, the more you get a glimpse of who he is. it is to the point that neji himself doesn't... really see how his stories reflect himself. ms robin being a "random" song the jazz lounge singer sings that hasekura and ando can dance to, oh rama havenna being a so-so throwaway play that neji doesn't understand why it's entertaining. lmao. neji, please.
and this is why when problems arise, neji becomes a demanding director and kisa becomes a chameleon actor with a shaky sense of self (we don't really see this a lot because jack jeanne is not that dark of a story and kisa is still an otome heroine of an uplifting game, but it's a reasonable conclusion if you push hard on the kisa from neji's "good morning" exercise, or kisa going ham on method acting as charles. kinda wish the game explored more of that. I think a very stressed kisa can get lost in method acting, just as a very stressed neji is almost paralyzed by the fear of the death of talent).
idk where I was going with this. just. them. they have the same issues, just in different fonts. and I think that's actually what first attracts neji to kisa. kisa "steals" (to borrow neji's own words) just like him. kisa is a fountain of inspiration, an ever changing muse. and neji provides kisa with an endless amount of prompts and characters for her to inhabit. kisa does like to play pretend a lot. that's why she's in theater!
kisa and neji: Art Imitates Life people stuck in a Life Imitates Art video game
ANYWAY usual disclaimer that I'm jotting down liveblogging thoughts and I know some spoilers to neji's route but I'm only just about to actually start his playthrough so. yeah. this was drafted all the way back in may lol, opinions may change and all that
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nobodybetterlookatme · 5 months ago
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Speaking of lesser known musicals (unless you’re in the community), you a fan of the 25th annual Putnam county spelling bee? I did it in high school, and it’s probably the goofiest musical I’ve ever heard of.
Not a fan of it but I do know about it and now I'm having flashbacks to middle school/early high school 😭😭 we didn't do it but our drama teacher played a couple songs/clips and a few people got assigned a part from it to do and they were Bad At It lmaoooo
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sskk-manifesto · 8 months ago
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ಥ‿ಥ
#God this episode is so so good.#Tachihara sweetie I'm sorry I never talk about you. I swear I love him so so much he's an amazing character. I love his story and conflict–#so much.#This arc is peak bsd writing / meta literature plot. The tearing page moment is insane. The sentiments expressed here are so–#deep and emotional. The theme of the ordinary man. God and the force of human spirit.#Fighting against one's own destiny and finding the reason for own's existence. It's all subjects that are so interesting to reflect over–#and they're elaborated on in such a cool and compelling way. I love Dazai's quote on the strength of humans who–#“are caught in the tempest of contingency and scream‚ run and shed blood” so much. It moves me deeply.#The animation was really neat. A lot of detailed sequences. The wind was animated beautifully. The colors were so pretty and the stained–#glass visuals still go so hard.#Again I love Tachihara's conflict so much!!! I'm so into tachi/gin too... I know it's more of a Tachihara x oc since. Well.#We know little to nothing about Gin. But there's still so much spice to it... What do you MEAN Tachihara stabbed Gin !!!!!!#I'm so into the drama. AND the kind of relationship born from the big brother complex™ they both (may) share. AND the work partners.#AND the hiding their true identities to the other. How could I not love them...#Still believe season 4 should have ended where episode 11 ends but spreading it all in 12 episodes to allow it all better pacing.#I really think this season is great but the pacing really is its weakest point.#Of the sky casino arc they could have made a movie if they wanted to. Or just a cool arc at the start of season 5 that can work too!!#(((and not put ch 84-88 at only ep3. And then animate it grossly. But that's another talk.)))#Anyways 100000/10 what a good episode. This really was peak B/ungou Stray Dogs. And Akutagawa isn't even in it!!!#random rambles#Very hot take but I don't think Lucy should jump off a sky casino for a man. Sorry#My feelings for atsu/lucy are so fluctuating. I could write a whole other tags rant on it.#Actually I will
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hinge · 28 days ago
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Hinge presents an anthology of love stories almost never told. Read more on https://no-ordinary-love.co
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BED!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!
#also I FOUND MY WEIGHTED BLANKET!!!!! IT'S UNDER MY DUVET BUT YK#also yhe pride flag will be repositioned dont worry#going on a bit of a ramble rn but like. ive just found a couple things that have been hiding under the drawers of my old bed#for example i found a cool bandana i thought i lost for like. a year. and now im obsessed with it so prepare to see that maybe#and i also found a snood i had that still fits me even though i even wore it in first school#and the crazy thing is that i dont remember#anything of first school#the only thing i have are school books from yr 4 and that snood#along witg like. old pictures of me#then again they look absolutely nothing like me. like. blonde with really long hair?? nu uh not me (not anymore at least)#i dont remember much of anything now that i think about it#i dont remember what i did last year#i cant even remember what year i came out as trans#i cant remember when i joined tumblr#and when i first made rayan or foster or zuriel or ailean or even the day i made ruaridh#perhaps its my shit sense of time but i have such a horrible memory that first school may have never happened if it werent for the fuzzy and#few things i actually. remembered. though i doubt i remember them correctly#idk if its anything that Happened™ that blocked out my memory or something. i know a certain thing may have since it kinda scarred me (ig??#idk i dont wanna sound overdramatic) but. you know im just a silly guy with a silly memory#anyway sorry for that vent lmao
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beanthebugboi · 8 months ago
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Canon/Headcanon likelihood chart
So I've been thinking about @macdenlover 's "levels of headcanon" chart (about how heavily a HC is influenced by canon), so I decided to make my own scale about how likely a HC is to be true (including different levels of canon) using queer cartoon characters as examples :)
I just spent an hour making this because I was bored. Enjoy. Image description under the cut.
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Inspiration:
ID courtesy of @hatreds-og-imagedescriptions (thank you!!)
[ID: a chart going from 10 to 1, with explanations of the ratings on the left and images of characters with queer flags and descriptions of said characters on the right.
10: "Explicit canon. Clearly stated in the original media." Trans Barney from Dead end Paranormal Park. "Barney says "I'm transgender"".
9: "Implicit canon. Never explicitly stated, but 100% canon in the original media". Nonbinary Raine from The Owl House. "Raine never says "I'm nonbinary," but uses they/them and is never referred to as a man/woman (also, confirmed by Dana)".
8: "Creator confirmation. Never stated in the original media, but confirmed canon by the media's creator". Aroace Lilith from The Owl House. "While never mentioned/implied in TOH, Dana has confirmed that Lilith is aroace".
7: "Heavily implied. Never confirmed, but likely true (either by canon evidence or creator implication)". Genderfluid Nimona from Nimona. ""Aaand now you're a boy" "I am today" (anyway, the whole movie has trans/GNC themes)".
6: "Possibly implied. Hinted at in the original media, but could be explained as something else". Trans Doofenschmirtz from Phineas and Ferb. "Doof COULD be transmasc, or the whole "raised as a girl" thing could just be for the bit".
5: "Fanon. Never confirmed, but generally accepted by the fandom". Aromantic Alastor from Hazbin Hotel. "While only confirmed to be ace, most of the fandom also sees Alastor as aromantic".
4: "HC with evidence. Headcanons supported by a dedicated fan's detective work". Bisexual Mabel from Gravity Falls. "People have noticed bi flag stickers hidden on Mabel's scrapbooks".
3: "Canon neutrality. Could be true, could be false, but overall makes sense and doesn't contradict the original media". Genderqueer Pleakley from Lilo and Stitch. "Maybe Pleakley is genderqueer, maybe he just wanted to crossdress for the mission, who knows? That's why it's a headcanon."
2: "I made it the fuck up. Based on vibes, has absolutely nothing to do with canon". Bisexual Megamind from Megamind. "No evidence, no explanation, he just has Disaster Bi™ vibes".
1: "Um? No? But go off. Directly contradicts canon (but who cares, that's why it's fun)". Trans Stanley Pines from Gravity Falls. "Even though flashback scenes prove Stan is AMAB, some people HC him as transmasc." End of ID.]
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light-wrath-paradise · 3 months ago
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Not me waiting to hear back from absolutely any medical institution at all as if I were Marie Antoinette waiting for the guillotine. Like sure might as well apologise to Sanson on the way (Sanson WAS the one who executed her, right? Or am I getting confused simply because he was an executioner around that time?).
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theladygazingatemptiness · 8 months ago
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#wak#negative /#tag vent /#man.. why is everything so draining#like.. fr it seems like I can't do Anything for an extended amount of time without burning out and wanting to quit#like. when I was little it was my absolute dream to be able to do nothing but draw all day every day but#now as an adult the thought of it stresses me out and makes me sick to my stomach#I used to get so excited about getting commissions but#now every time I see that someone's commissioned me I just dread doing it as if it's something I'm getting graded for in two days#(note that this isn't a slight against people who've commed me by any means. if you've commed me you're a saint)#(but. that's just how I feel and I wish it wasn't)#which is why comms are closed rn and idk when I'm opening them back up#rn I'm doing commission-based editing/proofreading work for a small publishing comp#something that I Also once aspired to do full-time#but.. I'm already kinda getting tired of it? probably bc my current project is 140+ pages that I have to get done in two weeks#like.. it's not Bad and I'm not quitting (I don't have a choice anyway. this is the closest thing I have rn to a consistent-ish job)#but it.. just gets less fun w every manuscript and I hate that#and like... whenever I go out no matter where I am I just want to go back home#I have no 'dream job' anymore. I have no goals. I don't want to go places or do things I just want to be home sleeping#but. as we all know that's not an option in the capitalist hellscape we live in#hell... even if we Didn't live in the hellscape it probably still wouldn't be an option lol#and of course my mom will not hear any of it and just thinks I'm being spoiled and lazy and 'using my aut as an excuse'#and most people including supposed '''''leftists'''' would probably agree with her too#bc 95% of '''"radical communists''''' on here are Adults Aren't Allowed To Exist Outside Of Working And That's How Things Should Be truther#who vocally treat unemployment as a moral failing and as a Bad Person Trait™ inbetween making Capitalism Bad posts#but I'm getting offtopic. Maybe I Am Useless And Lazy And A Leech Or Etc#but what I'm trying to say is I feel like I'm going to be miserable and feel like just a machine no matter what I do#and like I'm never going to have a happy or fulfilling life#and that my only option is to go to sleep never wake up and hope I'm reborn with no mental illnesses or trauma and into a rich family#but.. fat chance.
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hinge · 16 days ago
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Hinge presents an anthology of love stories almost never told. Read more on https://no-ordinary-love.co
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thewriteadviceforwriters · 23 days ago
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🧪 Character Arcs 101: what they are, what they aren’t, and how to make them hurt
by rin t. (resident chaos scribe of thewriteadviceforwriters)
Okay so here’s the thing. You can give me all the pretty pinterest moodboards and soft trauma playlists in the world, but if your character doesn’t change, I will send them back to the factory.
Let’s talk about character arcs. Not vibes. Not tragic backstory flavoring. Actual. Arcs. (It hurts but we’ll get through it together.)
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💡 what a character arc IS:
a transformational journey (keyword: transformation)
the internal response to external pressure (aka plot consequences)
a shift in worldview, behavior, belief, self-concept
the emotional architecture of your story
the reason we care
💥 what a character arc is NOT:
a sad monologue halfway through act 2
a single cool scene where they yell or cry
a moral they magically learn by the end
a “development” label slapped on a flatline
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✨ THE 3 BASIC FLAVORS OF ARC (and how to emotionally damage your characters accordingly):
Positive Arc They start with a flaw, false belief, or fear that limits them. Through the events of the story (and many Ls), they confront that internal lie, grow, and emerge changed. Hurt factor: Drag them through the mud. Make them fight to believe in themselves. Break their trust, make them doubt. Let them earn their ending.
Negative Arc They begin whole(ish) and devolve. They fail to overcome their flaw or false belief. This arc ends in ruin, corruption, or defeat. Hurt factor: Let them almost have a chance. Build hope. Then show how they sabotage it, or how the world takes it anyway. Twist the knife.
Flat/Static Arc They don’t change, but the world around them does. They hold onto a core truth, and it’s their constancy that drives change in others. Think: mentor, revolutionary, or truth-teller type. Hurt factor: Make the world push back. Make their values cost them something. The tension comes from holding steady in chaos.
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🎯 how to build an arc that actually HITS (no ✨soft lessons✨, just internal structure):
Lie they believe: What false thing do they think about themselves or the world? (“I’m unlovable.” “Power = safety.” “I’m only valuable if I’m useful.”)
Want vs. need: What do they think they want? What do they actually need to grow?
Wound/backstory scar: What made them like this? You don’t need a tragic past™ but you do need cause and effect.
Turning point: What moment forces them to question their worldview? What event cracks the surface?
Moment of choice: Do they change? Or not? What decision seals their arc?
🧪 Pro tip: this is not a worksheet. This is scaffolding. The arc lives in the story, not just your doc notes. The lie isn’t revealed in a monologue, it’s felt through consequences, relationships, mistakes.
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🛠️ things to actually do with this:
Write scenes where the character’s flaw messes things up. Like, they lose something. A person. A plan. Their cool. Make the flaw hurt.
Track their beliefs like a timeline. How do they start? What chips away at it? When does the shift stick?
Use relationships as arc mirrors. Who challenges them? Enables them? Forces reflection? Internal change is almost never solo.
Revisit the lie. Circle back to it at least three times in escalating intensity. Reminder > confrontation > transformation.
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🌊 bonus pain level: REVERSE THE ARC
Wanna make it really hurt? Set them up for one arc, and give them the opposite. They think they’re growing into a better person. But actually, they’re losing themselves. They think they’re spiraling. But they’re really healing. Let them be surprised. Let the reader be surprised.
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TL;DR: If your plot is a skeleton, your character arc is the nervous system.
The change is the thing. Don’t just dress it up in trauma. Don’t let your character learn nothing. Make them face themselves. And yeah. Make it hurt a little. (Or a lot. I won’t stop you.)
—rin t. // thewriteadviceforwriters // plotting pain professionally since forever
P.S. I made a free mini eBook about the 5 biggest mistakes writers make in the first 10 pages 👀 you can grab it here for FREE:
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sophiamcdougall · 2 years ago
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You're a reasonably informed person on the internet. You've experienced things like no longer being able to get files off an old storage device, media you've downloaded suddenly going poof, sites and forums with troves full of people's thoughts and ideas vanishing forever. You've heard of cybercrime. You've read articles about lost media. You have at least a basic understanding that digital data is vulnerable, is what I'm saying. I'm guessing that you're also aware that history is, you know... important? And that it's an ongoing study, requiring ... data about how people live? And that it's not just about stanning celebrities that happen to be dead? Congratulations, you are significantly better-informed than the British government! So they're currently like "Oh hai can we destroy all these historical documents pls? To save money? Because we'll digitise them first so it's fine! That'll be easy, cheap and reliable -- right? These wills from the 1850s will totally be fine for another 170 years as a PNG or whatever, yeah? We didn't need to do an impact assesment about this because it's clearly win-win! We'd keep the physical wills of Famous People™ though because Famous People™ actually matter, unlike you plebs. We don't think there are any equalities implications about this, either! Also the only examples of Famous People™ we can think of are all white and rich, only one is a woman and she got famous because of the guy she married. Kisses!"
Yes, this is the same Government that's like "Oh no removing a statue of slave trader is erasing history :(" You have, however, until 23 February 2024 to politely inquire of them what the fuck they are smoking. And they will have to publish a summary of the responses they receive. And it will look kind of bad if the feedback is well-argued, informative and overwhelmingly negative and they go ahead and do it anyway. I currently edit documents including responses to consultations like (but significantly less insane) than this one. Responses do actually matter. I would particularly encourage British people/people based in the UK to do this, but as far as I can see it doesn't say you have to be either. If you are, say, a historian or an archivist, or someone who specialises in digital data do say so and draw on your expertise in your answers. This isn't a question of filling out a form. You have to manually compose an email answering the 12 questions in the consultation paper at the link above. I'll put my own answers under the fold. Note -- I never know if I'm being too rude in these sorts of things. You probably shouldn't be ruder than I have been.
Please do not copy and paste any of this: that would defeat the purpose. This isn't a petition, they need to see a range of individual responses. But it may give you a jumping-off point.
Question 1: Should the current law providing for the inspection of wills be preserved?
Yes. Our ability to understand our shared past is a fundamental aspect of our heritage. It is not possible for any authority to know in advance what future insights they are supporting or impeding by their treatment of material evidence. Safeguarding the historical record for future generations should be considered an extremely important duty.
Question 2: Are there any reforms you would suggest to the current law enabling wills to be inspected?
No.
Question 3: Are there any reasons why the High Court should store original paper will documents on a permanent basis, as opposed to just retaining a digitised copy of that material?
Yes. I am amazed that the recent cyber attack on the British Library, which has effectively paralysed it completely, not been sufficient to answer this question for you.  I also refer you to the fate of the Domesday Project. Digital storage is useful and can help more people access information; however, it is also inherently fragile. Malice, accident, or eventual inevitable obsolescence not merely might occur, but absolutely should be expected. It is ludicrously naive and reflects a truly unpardonable ignorance to assume that information preserved only in digital form is somehow inviolable and safe, or that a physical document once digitised, never need be digitised again..At absolute minimum, it should be understood as certain that at least some of any digital-only archive will eventually be permanently lost. It is not remotely implausible that all of it would be. Preserving the physical documents provides a crucial failsafe. It also allows any errors in reproduction -- also inevitable-- to be, eventually, seen and corrected. Note that maintaining, upgrading and replacing digital infrastructure is not free, easy or reliable. Over the long term, risks to the data concerned can only accumulate.
"Unlike the methods for preserving analog documents that have been honed over millennia, there is no deep precedence to look to regarding the management of digital records. As such, the processing, long-term storage, and distribution potential of archival digital data are highly unresolved issues. [..] the more digital data is migrated, translated, and re-compressed into new formats, the more room there is for information to be lost, be it at the microbit-level of preservation. Any failure to contend with the instability of digital storage mediums, hardware obsolescence, and software obsolescence thus meets a terminal end—the definitive loss of information. The common belief that digital data is safe so long as it is backed up according to the 3-2-1 rule (3 copies on 2 different formats with 1 copy saved off site) belies the fact that it is fundamentally unclear how long digital information can or will remain intact. What is certain is that its unique vulnerabilities do become more pertinent with age."  -- James Boyda, On Loss in the 21st Century: Digital Decay and the Archive, Introduction.
Question 4: Do you agree that after a certain time original paper documents (from 1858 onwards) may be destroyed (other than for famous individuals)? Are there any alternatives, involving the public or private sector, you can suggest to their being destroyed?
Absolutely not. And I would have hoped we were past the "great man" theory of history. Firstly, you do not know which figures will still be considered "famous" in the future and which currently obscure individuals may deserve and eventually receive greater attention. I note that of the three figures you mention here as notable enough to have their wills preserved, all are white, the majority are male (the one woman having achieved fame through marriage) and all were wealthy at the time of their death. Any such approach will certainly cull evidence of the lives of women, people of colour and the poor from the historical record, and send a clear message about whose lives you consider worth remembering.
Secondly, the famous and successsful are only a small part of our history. Understanding the realities that shaped our past and continue to mould our present requires evidence of the lives of so-called "ordinary people"!
Did you even speak to any historians before coming up with this idea?
Entrusting the documents to the private sector would be similarly disastrous. What happens when a private company goes bust or decides that preserving this material is no longer profitable? What reasonable person, confronted with our crumbling privatised water infrastructure, would willingly consign any part of our heritage to a similar fate?
Question 5: Do you agree that there is equivalence between paper and digital copies of wills so that the ECA 2000 can be used?
No. And it raises serious questions about the skill and knowledge base within HMCTS and the government that the very basic concepts of data loss and the digital dark age appear to be unknown to you. I also refer you to the Domesday Project.
Question 6: Are there any other matters directly related to the retention of digital or paper wills that are not covered by the proposed exercise of the powers in the ECA 2000 that you consider are necessary?
Destroying the physical documents will always be an unforgivable dereliction of legal and moral duty.
Question 7: If the Government pursues preserving permanently only a digital copy of a will document, should it seek to reform the primary legislation by introducing a Bill or do so under the ECA 2000?
Destroying the physical documents will always be an unforgivable dereliction of legal and moral duty.
Question 8: If the Government moves to digital only copies of original will documents, what do you think the retention period for the original paper wills should be? Please give reasons and state what you believe the minimum retention period should be and whether you consider the Government’s suggestion of 25 years to be reasonable.
There is no good version of this plan. The physical documents should be preserved.
Question 9: Do you agree with the principle that wills of famous people should be preserved in the original paper form for historic interest?
This question betrays deep ignorance of what "historic interest" actually is. The study of history is not simply glorified celebrity gossip. If anything, the physical wills of currently famous people could be considered more expendable as it is likely that their contents are so widely diffused as to be relatively "safe", whereas the wills of so-called "ordinary people" will, especially in aggregate, provide insights that have not yet been explored.
Question 10: Do you have any initial suggestions on the criteria which should be adopted for identifying famous/historic figures whose original paper will document should be preserved permanently?
Abandon this entire lamentable plan. As previously discussed, you do not and cannot know who will be considered "famous" in the future, and fame is a profoundly flawed criterion of historical significance.
Question 11: Do you agree that the Probate Registries should only permanently retain wills and codicils from the documents submitted in support of a probate application? Please explain, if setting out the case for retention of any other documents.
No, all the documents should be preserved indefinitely.
Question 12: Do you agree that we have correctly identified the range and extent of the equalities impacts under each of these proposals set out in this consultation? Please give reasons and supply evidence of further equalities impacts as appropriate.
No. You appear to have neglected equalities impacts entirely. As discussed, in your drive to prioritise "famous people", your plan will certainly prioritise the white, wealthy and mostly the male, as your "Charles Dickens, Charles Darwin and Princess Diana" examples amply indicate. This plan will create a two-tier system where evidence of the lives of the privileged is carefully preserved while information regarding people of colour, women, the working class and other disadvantaged groups is disproportionately abandoned to digital decay and eventual loss. Current and future historians from, or specialising in the history of minority groups will be especially impoverished by this.  
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sysig · 1 year ago
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It started with a whisper ♥ (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#Crackship#Xigbar#Of all the crackships that I didn't expect I probably wouldn't have expected these two the most lol#I super wasn't expecting to feel So strongly about them this is like multi-tier Big Feelings in varying directions#One - ZEX - obvious (lol) | Two - Xigbar (hehe II hehehe) - I think I mentioned it like maaaybe once over here but I was Huge into KH#Specifically Org XIII specifically-specifically 358/2 it is the only game in the Kingdom Hearts line that I've beaten and probably ever will#Oh no wait that's not true I did play through all of the DS release of Re:Coded but like......does that count lol I think no#I played the intro of Kingdom Hearts II and shut it off after the bit with Roxas and Sora like - the egg scene how do I non-spoilers this#I own it and I will never beat it I am too sad I want only my Nobodies lol <3#Kingdom Hearts had a big influence on me - that and Magic Knight Rayearth are a big explanation as to Why I'm Like This lol#Cough cough casting away the dark parts of your heart only for it to come back and bite you later and also The Gay™ lol#But AnyWay lol - Xigbar!#He wasn't my favourite-favourite - aside from Main Characters that'd probably go to Marluxia - but I still hold him very fondly!!#Definitely doodled him a good bit he's very handsome ♪#And just - ah ♥ An old fave and a new(er) fave interacting and making each other happy and feel nice and play well I just fsalkfdf#As well as that being Max's body! There's something heightening about all these different aspects that was just overwhelming to me haha <3#If it's not already obvious - yes this was the happy cries lol this is the only explanation I have haha#I feel very strongly about Them and Interactions and Feeling Nice and fjdslafsdf#Anyway! This isn't Just them! Just a lot haha ♪#I have started a playlist lol - so far it's just this song - Everybody Talks - but some of the others from SCII playlist fit well too :)#The rest is just ZEX being cute hehe <3 ZEX not understanding what crying is is very interesting to me :3c No VUX equivalent?#Seems like they don't have the same kinds of chemicals like adrenaline et al so I guess a flushing system isn't as necessary! Interesting :D#ZEX fumbliness leading to him being a bit on the back foot is so cute hehe <3 He wants so loudly and openly but actually accomplishing it-#I also really like how he holds himself - all the tension through him to fight against new muscles and bone everything too alien!#I imagine his hands as being very rigid and all the fingers pulled together straight but that could just be how he describes bones hehe#Alien in there <3 Plenty to read into :3c
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feeshu09 · 1 month ago
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What if Shen Yuan gets a petty princess boyfriend because the universe (I) said so.
-wrote a little ficlet about them under the cut ✨-
Shen Yuan's (very confused) POV:
You know, there are days you wake up and think, “Wow, life is weird.” And then there are days you wake up and there's a beautiful, irritated, probably-came-from-a-period-drama man sitting on your couch like he owns the place, glaring at your toaster like it personally offended his ancestors.
Yeah. I’m talking about that kind of day.
It started, as these things always do, with a thunderclap, some suspiciously glittery mist, and the next thing I knew, there was a very angry, very elegant man standing in the middle of my studio apartment. He looked around my humble little man-cave—okay, fine, it was a bit of a pig sty. I wasn't expecting visitors—and sneered so hard I thought his face would stay that way forever.
“This is your abode?” he asked, with the same tone I use when I accidentally step in dog poop.
“Uh,” I said intelligibly. “Yes…?”
He hissed. Hissed. Like a very angry, very pretty feral cat. It was alarming. And a little hot? No, stop that, Shen Yuan. Bad. No petting the murder kitty.
So. A quick summary: the stranger introduced himself—begrudgingly—as Shen Jiu.
A handsome stranger.
And he was in my house.
Living in my apartment.
Breathing my air.
Criticizing my instant ramen choices like he wasn’t literally eating all of them.
“You eat like a beggar,” he said yesterday, sipping tea he made himself after complaining my kettle was ‘barbaric’. “This isn't sustenance. It's punishment.”
Okay. One: accurate. Two: rude.
But we fell into a rhythm after a few weeks, somehow. Like a weird little odd-couple sitcom. Every morning, I’d wake up to Shen Jiu curled in a pile of throw blankets on my futon, looking like a disgruntled Persian cat. He hated the TV but would still watch it with a kind of horrified fascination. He especially hated anime. That was… a problem.
The turning point came when he caught me watching some over the top shonen anime and heard me make a passing comment about the protagonist’s abs.
“You like that?” he asked, voice tight. “You like him?”
“What? No, I—” I laughed, awkward. “It’s just anime—”
He made a sound like someone dropped a piano on his pride and turned off the laptop with a single disdainful poke of a button.
“You’re not allowed to look at other men,” he said, eyes narrowed.
“…What?”
“You heard me,” he said, as if that explained anything and then settled on my lap.
Then he stole my glasses.
He literally plucked them off my face like a bully on the schoolyard and perched them on his own perfectly arched nose.
I stared. Squinted, really. “I’m legally blind.”
“Good,” he snapped. “Then you can’t ogle those fake men anymore. Who draws them like that anyway? It’s obscene.”
“Jiu-ge,” I said gently. “Um… Can I have my glasses back please?”
“For what? To look at other men? I don’t think so.”
Never—and I mean never—has anyone been so furiously jealous of fictional anime boys that they physically robbed me of my glasses. It was almost impressive.
And I let him keep them.
Why? Because the alternative was him going back into Feral Mode™ where he hisses and threatens to set my bookshelf on fire with qi that I still don’t believe exists in this universe.
Besides… I didn’t mind the glasses thing so much when he was situated on my lap like I was his personal throne.
“You’re warm,” he said, nonchalant, like this was normal. Like he didn't came from a completely different reality.
“Cool,” I wheezed, not cool at all.
“You’re flustered,” he added, smug.
I was. But I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of admitting it. Instead, I tried to focus on the dead screen of my laptop, even if everything was blurry.
So now I’m trapped in a never-ending loop of being lowkey bullied by a man with cheekbones sharp enough to commit murder, who eats all my ramen, hoards my glasses, gets jealous of anime characters, and has absolutely no concept of personal space.
And you know what the worst part is?
I think I might like it.
Please send help.
…Or not.
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hinge · 16 days ago
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Hinge presents an anthology of love stories almost never told. Read more on https://no-ordinary-love.co
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dilf-docs · 5 months ago
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Hand To Heart (I'm Gonna Stay Faithful)
bfd!joel miller x younger!reader
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summary: a pregnancy scare makes you realize just how deep you are in this.
warnings: 18+ (minors dni), age gap, smut, p. in v., pregnancy scare, fingering (WE GET IT U LIKE IT), bit of praise kink, humilliation kink, breeding kink (they're stupid and insane acc), dacryphilia, sex thru the looking glass (there's a mirror in reader's dorm), ANGST in capital, they're starting to catch the feels™ ur honor, hurt/comfort, plot thiccens, this people are clearly NOT in a good headspace btw idk we listen read and don't judge.
word count: 4,757 words
side note: everyone calling this joel nasty but thirsting after him too? was going to hold a trial over my citizens but yk... what the hell, sure! i too want nasty bfd!joel to ruin me: he can be my baby daddy who doesn't pay for child support of our 4 kids and we'd make way to bed for our 5th LET'S GO also spam time! but i also happen to write in wattpad, and got a pedro pascal social media fic going on :) it's on spanish tho, but if u speak the language and would like to tune in, u can read it here
part: prev | masterlist | next
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It's a regular Tuesday when his phone rings at ten in the morning.
"Dad"
Joel gets up from his desk in a brash move, immediately picking up his daughter's worried tone. Tommy bursts inside, telling him to calm down, but all Joel can hear is the anxious beat in his chest.
"What's it, babygirl? You okay?" his throat tightens. "Talk to me"
There's silence before she answers, as if she's unsure to continue.
"It's not me" he feels his muscles relaxing, but then Sarah drops the bomb. "It's y/n"
Joel's heart beats with a different type of worry.
"What's wrong with her?" voice firm but emotionless.
It's almost summer again, and he's still seeing you. In a way, you had carved a space for yourself in his cold heart, so naturally, fear settles in. He'd never admit this things out loud, though.
"I don't know, dad" his daughter starts to rush the words out, panic evident on her voice. "She has locked herself in the bathroom and won't stop crying. I-I didn't know who else to call"
"Don't worry" but it sounds like he's trying to convince himself. "M' comin'. S'anyone else in there?"
There's a pause on the line before she answers.
"No"
He thinks of you. He'd seen you cry before, of course, but it'd been over silly childish stuff, like getting sent to bed early or not getting what you wanted for Christmas.
He thinks of you. Images of your pretty face, etched in pain, make his stomach drop. It isn't fair: your face was one destined to be happy for eternity, your smile so contagious Joel would sometimes find himself surrendering to your juvenile joy, his crow feet a little more notorious since you entered his life and carved your space on it by force; a light in the dark.
He just couldn't bear to see a mirror of his dullness on your face. It wasn't right.
"Stay put. I'll be there"
He tries not to think about your eyes drained of life. He tries not to think he's the cause. And then, he hangs.
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As soon as Joel enters your dorm, your perfume is up his nostrils, providing him with a sense of relief he didn't know he needed. It was comforting and familiar, words that used to be hollow now carrying a knowing feeling that stung right on his chest.
"Dad" Sarah calls out, going for a hug. Joel embraces his daughter tightly while caressing her hair. "I'm so glad that you're here. I didn't know what to do"
"Breath in, babygirl. S'alright" he looks at your door, closed. Broken sobs can be heard, and his wounded heart feels like a heavy burden on his chest.
"My class starts in ten" Sarah speaks against the fabric of his flannel, "but I just couldn't leave her like this"
His daughter has a good heart. At least one of them did, anyway.
"Go to your class" he's commanding before he can fully process what he said.
Sarah breaks the hug, looking at him with a look he can't quite place.
"What? But, dad-" she tries to protest, concerned for your wellbeing.
"I'll take care of it. Always do, haven't I?" he sees her hesitation, and afraid of where her doubts would take her, Joel adds a small joke in there. "Y'know those classes ain't free, kid. Go ahead"
"Okay" she gives up. "Just... tell me if anything happens, yes?"
"F'course. Trust me"
"I trust you"
He still remembers when Sarah's kindergarten teacher handed him that drawing: Joel was wearing a cape, and she said his little girl had told everyone in class his dad was a superhero because there was nothing he couldn't do. That same admiration and faith is there in her eyes, even as the small naive kid slips from his fingers and turns into the woman that stands before him. He's not the devil, but the worst father in the world, and that is pretty much the same to him.
When Sarah is out of your dorm, he's trapped inside the small room with your heavy crying on the other side of the door. He looks at the small place, thinking about all the times he's sneaked inside during the night, hiding like a criminal as you wait for him behind the door full of scrapped stickers, ready to capture his lips with an eagerness that gnaws his chest.
Now it's just him and your sobs, his terrified reflection displayed in the mirror in front of your bed, mockingly staring back.
What are you doing? it questions, and Joel, always ready to answer, has suddenly lost the ability to speak.
Forcing himself out of such a pitiful state, he approaches the door, knocking softly.
"Sarah" your hoarse voice speaks up, and just then, he realizes how much he loves hearing your voice, no matter how it sounds. "Don't you have classes to go to? Leave me, please. I promise I'm good, I-"
Joel hears your distress, so he interrupts what looks like the start of a nervous rambling wreck. Huh, doesn't he know you so well?
"Sarah's gone" a beat, "It's me, Joel"
As if you wouldn't recognize that deep voice even if you were deaf.
There's silence before the door flings open, surprising Joel, who takes a step back, barely noticeable to the rest, but obvious to you, who has spent hours admiring him and all his small movements, he who you could draw by memory and built in your head as real as he who was standing before you, his eyes circling with a whirlwind of emotions you can't quite place, yet make your heart race.
Joel takes in the sight of you, deciding it's unfair how good you look, despite your disheveled hair, run mascara and red-rimmed eyes: you are still the prettiest sight he's ever seen, and now he doesn't know what scares him the most.
"You're wearing my shirt" he says out loud his latest discovery. It's all he manages to say: not an are you okay? nor an what's wrong?
No, Joel just happens to be very stupid(ly in love).
"Sarah didn't see me" you hug the fabric that makes your frame look smaller, or maybe it's your tired composture that makes it seem that way, avoiding Joel from enjoying the way his shirt looks on you. "If that's what you wanted to know. Been inside there for hours, already was when she came by"
The fact that you rather explain and assure him of his supposed possible worries instead of sharing your own, makes his stomach tie on a knot. Were you too kind or perhaps selfless? Maybe just stupid(ly in love).
Joel grunts, and you're not sure if it's his way of dissmissing your comment (maybe he thinks you're lying), chastising you in a shallow manner or the fact that you're poorly trying to avoid the elephant in the room. Maybe he thinks you're still a foolish careless child who can't comprehend the weight of whatever it is you're doing by being with your bestfriend's dad behind everyone's back.
"Tell me" he gets closer to you, fingers on your cheeks, but they don't dig the skin, instead, his roughness hiding a surprising tenderness to them. "What happened, y/n?"
The rawness in his voice takes you by surprise. Joel Miller, who seemed a man impossible to waver, now stood before you, wrapped in a gloom that left you at loss for words, something akin to hope planting it's seed on your heart.
"Tell me" he demands, yet his pupils move as unsteady as your heart. There's no power for command in his voice, only what you could allude to helplessness.
Was it because you were putting up walls like he did?
Was it because the consequences of being with you are starting to dawn upon him?
Whatever it is, you don't like it.
"What's wrong?" he's pushing for an answer softly, such a contrasting image to that of him in bed. "Please, talk to me"
Please.
The words slip past his trembling lips, defenses crumbling.
Joel Miller hasn't pleaded since Sarah's mother packed her bags and walked out of their shared home. He promised himself he would never be vulnerable again, never at the feet of a loved one, beggin to be seen.
To be heard. To not be hurt. To be loved.
But here you were, red eyes blown wide at a confession spoken through other words.
Please.
Your chest feels heavy, breath constricted.
"Joel..." you utter his name like a prayer. As something to believe in; something to hold.
He rushes to your side, strong arms caging around you as your labored cries fill the tiny room.
"S'alright" he whispers against your ear, burying his face on your shaking shoulder. "M' right'ere, doll"
Your hold turns more desperate, practically clinging as if your life depended on it.
"Take your time, y/n" your name so soft, you feel like crying more. "I ain't goin' anywhere"
"Promise me" you whimper, holding tightly.
"I won't go" he assures. There it is, the same unwavering strength you know. It's for you, he thinks.
"Joel" you call out again, tone terrified. "I think I'm pregnant"
It takes him at least a minute to speak. Even to breathe.
"...What?"
He feels your erratic pulse against his chest.
"Joel. Look at me"
He doesn't feel your heartbeat anymore. Just then he realizes he's backed down, embrace letting go of yours. Joel takes in your eyes, shimmering with new tears and fears.
"Joel?"
"I'm here" his voice sounds like it belongs to someone else, and the reminder like it's for himself.
"I know" your small voice speaks up, "but, just- please, look at me"
Joel holds your gaze, and it's like your air supply as been cut.
We don't want this.
"Are you sure?" Joel asks cautiously, as if you were a small animal he's afraid to scare.
"No" you breath in. "I bought the test, but I couldn't take it... I was, for the very first time in my life, scared. But there's always a first, isn't it? That's when Sarah found me"
There's always a first. You weren't afraid when he pounced you next to his sleeping daughter, neither when you didn't stop coming and he let you in everytime, and absolutely not when he obscenely ate you out while Sarah was on the phone. No, you were brave―brave enough to stand defiant when his conflicting gaze pierced through you, daring you to be the first to leave this mess and forget about him. But you were brave because you stayed, despite it all.
That had to mean something, right?
"You said you wouldn't leave me" it comes out in a shaky breath; a threat. Your voice seethes with a quiet rage. "You promised, Joel"
Like the word promise was a dagger twisting on his insides, not a sacred oath.
So he forces himself to be that hero Sarah still thinks he is. After all, he promised her he's going to solve this, didn't he?
"I did" he runs a hand through his hair. "Got the test with you?" You slowly nod. "Take it, then. I'll wait here"
You don't move from your spot, chest still moving uneven under your labored breaths.
"When you come out, I'll promise I'll still be here"
He can't promise you more. The world? It's what you deserve but not what he can give; Joel can only give so much.
"Okay" your tone is clipped, and that's all you say before entering the bathroom and closing the door behind you.
The room feels smaller than it is, the small plastic stick feeling heavier in your fingers than it actually is. You hear the clock's tick, Joel's frantic pace and your own irrational beat. It feels like a bomb: ready to explode and destroy everything within it's range.
Time drags like a cigarette, walls closing over your shaking pale frame. Your phone has a timer going on, yet for some reason, it feels an end to your beginning. You hug your body, wishing it was Joel's arms doing so.
But you saw it: fear, hesitation. It was on his eyes, auburn cracking like wood under fire. He was weak, and so were you. All of this... it starts to loose it's meaning. What started as a summer fling now falls upon you like a second skin you can't quite wash off, and it's suffocating as much as the enclosed space where a stupid line could change the rest of your life forever.
Joel outside isn't doing much better. He's aware his walking probably set you on edge, so now he's sat at the small bed that dips under his weight. He takes one deep breath, two―then looses count.
How could he be so careless? For a brief moment, why did he let himself believe it could be?
For God's sake: you were his daughter's friend. He had seen you and Sarah play on his house, laughing on his porch, gossiping on her bedroom. Growing up.
He wanted you, a desire so consuming it sometimes kept him up at night, thoughts confusing with something else. Probably fear, probably acceptance.
Joel is aware you changed his life. You, with your wild spirit and obnoxious laugh. You whom he couldn't tear his gaze away when standing in the same room, a magnetic force making the world around you drawn to you and that dangerous allure you had that made it impossible to resist you. To forget you. To live without you.
He feels dirty. A monster. A wolf with an insatiable hunger, sinking his canine teeth on your soft flesh. He'd drink your blood, to always keep a part of you with him; to be one. Like a lamb sent to the slaughter: but you wanted it. You had placed your head inside his jaw; trusting. As if knowing he could devour you, yet he'd never hurt you. Daring, almost.
Show me you can love me. Take a bite. Take me as yours. Mark me. Ruin me for anyone else. My blood, it belongs to you. This isn't a sacrifice―this is love.
When you exit the bathroom, hand holding the pregnancy test, it's all clear to him.
For a moment even, Joel forgets there's a world outside and sees a small baby: they have your smile, your eyes―and nothing of him, because you're the sun of his moon, the light of his darkness, and that baby is a mirror of you and your beauty. You and your warmth, devoid of his cold and far from where his filth can taint it. They have to look like you, because you are the most beautiful person in the world, and suddenly, the idea one more of you is possible, makes it feel like just you isn't enough.
"It's negative"
For the second time in the day, Joel is rendered speechless. His gaze is trained on the floor, lost in thought. Besides his lack of an answer, whatever he's thinking makes you nervous.
"Joel, are you okay?" you call out.
He swallows the lump on his throat, pose awkward before he moves next to your bed.
"M' fine, baby. C'mere" he sits over it again, motioning with his hand the empty spot next to him. Joel's embrace is warm, like it shields you from the cold harsh truth.
"Are you upset?" you ask over the comfortable silence, the underlying tension stretching like a rubber band.
"No" his answer comes quick, "but I won't lie to ya', doll. Thought for a sec and ol' man like me could give a pretty girl like yourself a baby as beautiful as their mamma"
A treacherous pink dusts your cheeks. Had you lost all your common sense? Seconds ago, your life hung by a fragile thread, and now all your body can think is to go for the same risk again. Fuck it.
"Did you? I thought you were too busy freaking out"
Joel lets out a nervous laugh. "M' a busy man, doll. Learned how to do two things at once"
A fire settles in your stomach when his touch lingers over your soft flat belly, longing.
"Hmm, I see" your fingers move from his hold to his collarbone, as they play with the buttons he hasn't wore.
"Y/n" he warns. You stop for a moment, not because you're unsure, but because when you look up, his eyes don't shine with that glint of danger and hunger that gives you the thrills. Instead, they look at you with a fondness he doesn't seem to even realize―the one that gives you the hope of it all.
"I want this" you speak up, voice confident.
"I don't think that's a good idea, doll. What'ya need is-"
"You" your face gets close to his, cutting his words and breath. Joel's adam's apple bobs, your throbbing pussy going through a Pavlovian response, such action an indicator he's surrendered to you, mouth watering at just the thought. "You said you could do two things at the same time, right? The comfort me in the only way you know"
There's hesitation on his eyes, and while you think it's because he's still hung up on the idea this isn't what you need, Joel's mind is stuck in the fact you think he can only warm your bed but not your heart. It's stupid, indeed. It can't affect him that much. Ashamed, he cuts the space hanging between your lips and traps them in a heated kiss.
"Hmh, Joel" your voice barely audible as Joel's fingers grip on your hair, his sleazy tongue sliding it's way into your mouth until you can feel it in your teeth. "Please..."
He chuckles at your neediness. "Please, what?"
"Please" you whimper, feeling your back heat with droplets of sweat under Joel's shirt, the sticky feeling akin to that starting to pool in between your thighs. "Please, make me feel good"
Joel smiles adoringly, moving your body until your legs are up his shoulders. Sure, his knees covered by his dirty worn-out jeans are ruining your fresh laundry, and his joints may crack here and there, but you don't pay mind to this little things: all you care is how he's kissing your bare thighs, his salt and pepper stubble tickling skin that feels more sensitive than ever; burning almost.
"Gon' touch 'tis pretty pussy 'til you forget y'r name, doll" he breathes out. "Will ya' let me?"
You nod eagerly as he helps you get out of your panties, throwing them somewhere around the room. You smack his arm playfully at his rough manners, but then he's pressing his lips with wet ticklish kisses on your legs and laughter bubbles at the tingles it's causing.
"S-stop, Joel!" you beg, legs shaking. Your giggles are contagious, and soon the foreign feeling lifts the corners of his scowl into a smile, a concept becoming more familiar with time.
"I ain't stopping" his fingers then graze your clit, tauntingly. You whine, as Joel doesn't let up on your clit, his calloused digits coated in your arousal. "'Tis what you asked for, baby. So 'm gonna make you feel good. So good until you can't speak nothin' that ain't my name"
The threat feels like a delicious promise, so you tell him you'll behave.
"I wanna try somethin', doll. Wait" you whine at the loss of his fingers inside of you, and then he's moving your body until he's against the wall and you're on the border of the bed. With your eyes, you follow his line of view. "So needy, ain't ya'? Cockhungry slut. Jus' scared the shit out of me and now you want me inside?" he tsks. "Sick fella"
"Joel..." you breath out, desire pooling into your orbs.
"Wanna see you, doll" you see your reflection in the mirror as Joel lowers his head to whisper on your ear, eliciting goosebumps on your skin. "Want you to see yourself, too. How you'll be beggin' for me"
His middle and ring finger dip between your folds as he continues the minstrations, fingers pumping in and out as they graze your moist cunt. They start to go in circles, and even if it's not exactly next to your bed, you can see the mirror begin to fog, whines condensed in the heavy air.
His shirt clings uncomfortably to your body, but you don't care. In a way, he feels even closer to you, as if he was an extension of yourself.
Joel's body radiates heat on it's own, making the room's temperature skyrocket.
You lean your head back onto the mattress, moaning.
"Need ya' to use that pretty mouth of y'rs, doll. Say it" his fingers linger on the dip of your hips, waiting for an answer with a smirk and daring manner. "Say what ya' want; that's if you can"
It takes you a while to speak up, the slippery sound of Joel's coated fingers the only sound to be heard on your dorm.
"I... I need" you whine through labored pants, "I need you, Joel"
I need you, Joel. It's in the heat of the moment, really, yet on that very instant, he makes a silent vow that hangs unspoken in the air.
"Good girl" he bites your earlobe, making a chill run down your spine.
His fingers fuck into you just how you like it: swirling to explore your inner tight walls.
"Fuck. Love how your pussy takes me, doll. 'S mine, isn't it? Say it, say who this pussy belongs to. Who's the only man allowed to have it"
You close your eyes, but the answer comes clear. "You, Joel. Just you"
You whine, feeling him go harder in a new-found confidence. Your nails dig on his biceps, but he doesn't flich, still busy burying his fingers inside your clit as his mouth continues spilling filthy shit you barely can comprehend, mind starting to go numb.
Normally, Joel would make you cum on his fingers, always making sure to lick it after, claiming it was bad manners to leave to waste. But today, the clock ticking in your wall, he knows he must hurry.
"Eager, eh?" you taunt back, seeing how quickly he's pulling down his underwear, guiding the tip of his cock to your entrance.
Your dripping cunt welcomes his cock, tip teasing your entrance.
"Don't" he seethes.
"Don't?" you laugh. "Don't what, laugh?"
His fingers grab your jaw tightly, forcing you to look behind you.
"Don't stop lookin', doll"
Joel slips the tip of his cock into you, his hands grabbing your waist to steady you. He looks at you through the mirror, seeing your dazed eyes, waiting as you bite your lip.
"That's it, good girl" he praises, purring against your ear. You see his face go down and lick the side of your neck before sinking his teeth in it. "Gonna reward you for'at"
Your mouth falls agape when he fully pushes his cock inside of you, burying himself to the limit in the first thrust. You moan, stretch wet pussy trying to adjust to his girth. He groans, his hips moving back and forth with yours, to meet his thrusts.
"R-right there" you whimper, feeling eyes starting to water. It had been a long day, and with his cock buried deep inside you, you can't think of anything else: just him―like this, for the rest of your life; you don't need more. "Fuck, don't stop"
His thumb rubs across your cheekbone, capturing a tear that had slipped past your foggy mind in a brittle moment of vulnerability, brown eyes flickering with something else. It could be.
We could be.
"Fuck, you cryin' over this cock, doll? What'a fuckin' slut" he laughs incredulously, but there's a hidden fondness to it. "S' that how good 'm makin' you feel?"
You can only moan, his dick harder now, his infatuation with your fucked-out state evident in the way his movements become more hectic.
"Can't even speak? What'a dirty minx inside 'tis sexy little body"
"Mhm" you blabber, tears running hot down your cheeks, landing on the mattress in fat droplets, noticeable through the reflection even. Joel stares back at your puffy eyes, devotion pouring at your glossy gaze, coated in a faint red tint, more pronounced from your earlier cries. Fuck. Never did he think your lambent eyes and sniffle sounds could turn him on this much. Something about him being the cause of it has his head spinning.
"New rule" he growls, "you keep those pretty red eyes lookin' at me when you cum"
You whimper at his words, the powerful aura they carry pushing your orgasm closer to the edge. You feel your tight folds clenching around his cock, hands holding to his back while your nails dig in it. You feel yourself approaching your release, multiple tears escaping down your cheekbone. In an obscene gesture, it isn't his thumb but his tongue what removes the wet stream from your body, feeling the salty drops on his tastebuds.
You were already so worked up, it was a matter of seconds before you could cum at any moment. Your walls clench around his length, and before you can process, Joel pulls your body up, caging your tits until they're pressed against his soft chest. You face the white paint of your wall, and Joel can see your back in the mirror as he's still buried inside of you. You gasp at the change in position, all of the sudden, a painfull delicious sensation flooding your senses.
"You're gonna cum, aren't ya', doll?" Joel's asking, hot breath nestled in your neck.
"Hmh" you barely manage to blurt as he fucks into you harder, your arms clutching onto him. You were being so loud now that you were sure you'd get at least one noise complain, hoping it stays there; if they found out not only had you been fucking, but with a fourty year old man who happpened to be the father of your bestfriend, you'd probably get expelled. "So close..."
"You know?" he whispers, voice fragile over the sound of your pants and worked up breaths. "I was scared, ealier. M' sorry you had to see that" your body trembles, making you close your eyes. "But I need ya' to know, for'a moment, I did think about having a kid with you"
Your forehead drips with sweat, mixing with the sodium of your tears.
"Maybe in 'nother life, huh?"
Your heart feels like it's about to burst when he sloppily kisses you, as to prevent any words come out of your mouth―humilliating or full of regret, avoiding the heart ache of a rejection. Joel, for a moment, lets his heart wander off to territories he shouldn't, thinking of things he should leave to be. Joel digs his hole deeper, but he doesn't care: he just wants to be the best grave in your cementery.
"Maybe" you answer, but it sounds like a possibility, the promise of a foolish mind betraying the guarded hidden hope.
"Fuck, Joel" you bury your face against his soft pecs, your orgasm crashing over you. Your whine comes our rather loud, trying to drown the sound against his body. He doesn't stop holding you on his arms, firm; you'd probably fallen if he didn't.
"Wait for me, doll. 'M close"
"Please" you plead, kissing his jaw. "Need you. Want to feel you, Joel"
Not daddy, but his name. I want you. I need you. Want to feel you; for you to fill me. He groans, rhythm sloppy as he crashes his lips into yours. he should stop, especially after today's events, but God, his traitorous head is filled with images of you, belly round with his child, one carved to be the spitting image of you.
Do it.
You moan inside his mouth when you feel him finish inside of you, thick, your fingers running through his dark greying hair damp with sweat.
"M' right here" he says his words from earlier, and you feel yourself hugging him to keep his body next to yours even as he pulls out.
"I know" you hum, arms around his neck. "Thank you for coming"
"What of both?"
You let out a laugh.
"Jesus, Joel" but your tone is devoid of malice, adquiring that layer to it, just like his own. There's a shift in the air, and if you felt it before, now you know there's no point of return. "You sure are something else"
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credits: divider @kodaswrld / gif @loregifs / dts: @ann-gell; ángel de mi corazón, tkm mucho, gracias por llegar a mi vida ִֶָ. ..𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🪽་༘࿐
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