#anyways or at least that’s my progative because I think we are all here to just rant and ramble and obess and brain rot aren’t we?… <3 <3

[rouge-fauna]

It’s interesting how the issue evolved into about tone policing and vague posting, when really it’s more so that if people think someone is being harmful then that someone should get the right to address that before being bashed. Not to say someone has to openly or directly disagree with people (though I personally think it is likely more productive to), especially when there are people who would react poorly to that and may believe in completely different facts so common ground may not exist. I’m not saying people are wrong for being vague and not saying things to people’s faces. People have a right to an opinion and to run their blog as they please. But I think it becomes problematic when things devolve not just to calling people and their analysis idiotic, but whether people’s parents were abusive and accusing them of a pretty serious offense. Like I said previously, we are always going to talk about people behind their back, and that can sometimes get to the point of insults, that’s part of life. It becomes harmful I think when it’s inciting a mob with torches and pitchforks and saying things that aren’t true or taken out of context to the point of a needless witch hunt.

I think one of the saddest parts of it all to me is that not only did it cause harm to the people involved but to everyone around witnessing it. It didn’t just burn down the accused witch’s house but the fire spread to the surrounding houses filling the whole town with smoke. And it’s sad to me too, because I try to open things up for disagreement and am okay with admitting when I’m wrong (despite my joke about always being right :D). I have tried to make this a safe place no matter the opinion, and on so many more posts than the ones looked at was saying the very opposite. And it’s sad because I would have loved to have an in-depth talk about it addressing the issue and looking further into it. Maybe my diagnosis was wrong, maybe he has a different diagnosis, I would have loved to dive into that. If you think a take or something I said is incorrect, I’m okay with that, come talk to me. Tell and show me why. You think Dream isn’t autistic or staged duo aren’t close or whatever, come prove me wrong or show me your point of view. I’m posting stuff on a public platform to talk about it whether you want to add on, disagree or show a different view, if I didn’t want that I would just tell it to people on the side in private or not do public tags. I’m not posting about lore or analysis or my thoughts on here to be complimented, I’m here to talk about something that I love. And disagreement shouldn’t be something to avoid and turn to nastiness, but something to embrace. If we continue to surround ourselves with people who just agree with us, then we aren’t giving ourselves the space to grow and change. And a mistake or being wrong shouldn’t be something to avoid, you can’t be better unless you know what you’re doing wrong. But neither of those things can be positive or productive unless approached in a respectful manner.

And I think it’s not about hypocrites or the past culture and behavior of the fandom, it’s about growing and doing better. We don’t have to stay in this place of harassment, negativity, and hating on someone or something they said, especially as so many people left the fandom and new people are coming in. It’s not about dwelling on what’s happened in the past, but how can we do better in the future. Just because something happened before doesn’t mean we should just accept it and let it happen again. I get the impression that the newcomers have a different outlook as they more so have the opportunity to watch more povs and don’t have to wait months in between things and there is no new lore and that changes the perspective, and that gives us a great opportunity to try and be better. To change the insult and conflict heavy culture into something new. I think we don’t have to continue being such a divided fandom like it’s been in the past. Let’s take a page out of the finale and break the cycle, dreblr/dsmp tumblr 2. :)

[catboybiologist]

I'm 3.5 months in progesterone. Did it make my boobs grow? Let's look at some data!

So. This data has problems, of course. I've added disclaimers at the bottom. This isn't science, this is personal curiosity.

But anyways.

My HRT progress has been in three distinct stages:

1, sublingual pills, with on and off spiro. Suppressed T, E struggling to get up. Month 0-7

2, Injections, no progesterone. E goes to appropriate levels very quickly and fluctuates within cis female ranges. Month 7-13.

3, all that plus progesterone. Month 13-16 (current).

For the purposes of simplicity, lets look at breast growth only.

Let's take a look at some of those sublingual numbers:

All in freedom units, bc I hate myself.

I mean hey, not bad! There was absolutely some growth and breast bud formation as well. I pretty clearly got to tanner 2 here. But there's an obvious, clear plateau in growth. We can see it graphically as well:

Ignore the blue line, that's different data (waist:hip)

So what broke the plateau? Well.

The blue measurements are taken when I'm on injections and good levels, and the green one is as well (it was my progesterone start date). Apologies for the data jumping around, there were gaps. Also worth noting that I was ~20 pounds lighter on that final measurement.

So after plateauing with sublingual, my E around 100, the only thing that broke through that barrier was dropping spiro, switching to injections, and keeping my E at 200-400.

It is at this point I added progesterone (data in green).

holy FUCK

I genuinely would not have believed it myself if I didn't have pictures, as well as measuring myself now, and also y'know. Lived all of this.

Lets see that graph, shall we?

You can so clearly see the three stages here. The sublingual plateau, the injection bump upwards, and the progesterone fucking moon rocket. The gap in data is when I was backpacking- on injections, no prog. I think the drop in my W:H is also because of the weight I was losing.

Also yes, linear regression is kinda stupid here. I was just curious.

Anyways. I think I might be plateauing again, just based on how my breasts have felt a little less sensitive recently, which is also what happened on my sublingual plateau. But its absolutely wild to see what progesterone (probably) did in such a short time.

So in conclusion:

Yes. Absolutely. And so did injections, and proper levels.

When I encourage people to take an active role in their transition, this is what I mean. Keep track of your levels. If you're plateauing, think about what might be happening. Make sure to coordinate closely with your doctor. Amazing things can happen because of it.

Disclaimers and admissions of data sloppiness below:

This data is sloppy, and rounded to the nearest half inch most of the time. I've also fudged it based on what I reasonably thought was error in retrospect- eg, at one point I thought my underbust had shrunk a tiny bit due to variation in fat and coastal cartilage, but it's all just flickering between 35.5 and 36", so I just put it all at 36 bc that's likely more accurate.

The measurements don't really cleanly correspond to clothing measurements- I've been doing it wrong since the beginning, and kept doing it wrong for consistency. don't infer my cup size based on this lol. This is for internal comparison and trends.

The rounding also makes it more susceptible to "jumping", and there's several instances where a rounded down data point to a rounded up data point makes a more dramatic leap than it would in practice.

And of course, I'm measuring myself, this is one data set, yadda yadda. It's gonna be sloppy.

But yeah. The trends are clear enough that I hope they can be taken as trends at least, even if they're not exact numbers.

[grapenehifics]

Not to tell you about *every* time I hear Solsbury Hill on the radio but…

Can you tell us why you picked it as the title for your fic? I feel there’s more to your reasoning than “grab your things I’ve come to take you home” and I’d love to hear your thoughts [it’s also maybe pretty obvious(?) but I’m really, really shit at 1) song lyrics 2) song meanings and 3) applying them to other contexts 🙈]

My friend, there is almost nothing I would rather talk about than the intersection between Peter Gabriel*, Genesis, Solsbury Hill the place, Solsbury Hill the song, and Solsbury Hill the fic.

(*Peter Gabriel, and all the members of Genesis, are real people, and would probably tell this story very differently. But they're not here to correct me [oh god, at least, I hope not], and this is how I heard the story, and I am going to tell it the way I know it. Apologies to all those living or dead.)

Sometime in the late 1960s a group of British schoolboys formed the prog rock band Genesis, and by the early 1970s they were...maybe not world-famous, but huge by prog rock standards, anyway, with a couple of albums and a tour. The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway came out and it was a big enough deal that they got offered an American tour, too.

They were all still pretty young (they'd started basically in high school) and Peter Gabriel, their lead singer and main songwriter, had recently got married and he and his wife had a baby (this will become relevant in a second). So they go on the American tour and maybe about halfway through Peter turns to his bandmates and is like, "so...I'll finish the tour with you, because I promised I would, but when we get back home I'm quitting the band."

The other guys were stunned, obviously, because this was the moment they'd worked for. They'd already gotten through all the shitty garage band years, which is where most people give up, and now they were at the good part! They were on an international tour! The money was good! Their albums were selling! They had more fans than they'd ever thought they'd have! What on earth would possess someone to want to give all that up?

(The part of this story that is less-charitable to Peter Gabriel is that one of the answers he gave was 'more creative freedom' and his band was like...but you already write all our songs? What possible *more* creative freedom do you think you need?)

It wasn't just the band, though. His managers and the record company and everyone all told him that was a terrible, terrible idea, and there were a sizable contingent of Genesis fans who just refused to follow him to his solo career because they were mad at him for walking out on Genesis, wrecking the band, how dare he be so ungrateful...

(Genesis did fine without him, actually. Phil Collins took over on vocals and they had another couple of albums and some hit songs before going kind of weirdly soft-rock in the 80s.)

Also - and this is an important detail - when he left the band, there was no solo career. He didn't have any songs. I don't think he even had an agent. He was kind of on the outs with the industry for pulling that stunt. He spent the first year after he quit - while Genesis was recording a new album without him - just hanging out at home with his wife and baby daughter.

Eventually he did get back in the studio, and one of the songs on his first solo album was Solsbury Hill, largely regarded to be the most autobiographical of his songs (Solsbury Hill is an actual, physical hill in Somerset, near where he grew up). It's pretty blatantly about quitting Genesis, including being unhappy in the band:

So I went from day to day Though my life was in a rut

I was feeling part of the scenery

And liberty, she pirouette When I think that I am free

and trying to get up the courage to leave even knowing it would almost universally be regarded as a really dumb move and would very possibly end his entire music career even though he was still in his twenties:

My friends would think I was a nut Open doors would soon be shut

But eventually doing it anyway:

To keep in silence I resigned

I walked right out of the machinery

I will show another me

Then he writes about how, even though it was scary and he didn't know what the consequences were going to be, he was glad he did it:

Though my life was in a rut 'Til I thought of what I'd say Which connection I should cut

Today I don't need a replacement I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant

And he personifies all this as a person, or more accurately hearing a voice (while climbing Solsbury Hill, hence the title), and the progression of what the voice tells him mirrors the rest of the lyrics. First it's:

"Son, " he said "Grab your things, I've come to take you home."

and

"Hey, " he said "Grab your things, I've come to take you home."

But the final lines are the singer answering back:

"Hey, " I said "You can keep my things, they've come to take me home."

And not to belabor the metaphor, but that's what I see as the equivalent of the first quarter or so of Solsbury Hill the fic, at least the beginning to the Bakersfield hospital chapters. Peter Gabriel and Anakin both got the exact thing they thought they wanted - a record deal, a tour, money, fame, wealth - and then turned out once they had it, they actually didn't really want it all that much anymore, and the reality of it wasn't worth keeping it.

But also mixed in there is some shame, right, because to everyone else it looks like you have it all. Every kid around the world with a guitar and a garage bands wants what you have. Every kid on their school swim team watching the Olympics on TV wants that. And now you've got it, and you're just...going to hand it back? Say it's not good enough? This thing that feeds your family and lets you see the world? How dare you spit on that!

But all they really want - in both stories - is more time with the people they love. And yes, in both cases, there are ways to fix that - Peter Gabriel could have taken his wife and baby with him on tour, Anakin could have not fired Obi-Wan and taken up with Palpatine - but in the middle of that situation and looking down the barrel of year after year of touring and competition and the toll it takes on your body and your mental health - suddenly the smart play starts looking like turning you back on it, tearing the whole thing down, and starting over. Even if it means living without the money and the fame and the recognition and universal goodwill. Who cares. Keep it all. Keep my things; I don't need them; I just need you.

I'm going home.

[inkofamethyst]

May 7, 2025

Okay, so, yes, I passed. Relieved, exhausted.

I didn't get much sleep the night before. Stayed up late to finalize the presentation plus lots of anxious energy. Wore my navy suit for the first time since I'd been here (and I looked amazing). Got to the room early, got set up, two of the three examiners were on Zoom lol. They asked me to leave before I started my actual defense, and I just texted my turquoise-friend for like five minutes. They invited me back in and were like "so yea you passed but we still do want to hear you talk through the comments" which is crazy and I don't know if I processed it at that moment (I probably did, I think I relaxed a tiny bit), but then I went into the presentation and it was good. Good conversation, I think I managed to articulate myself alright and generally held my own. It felt a lot less stressful than the practice I'd done several days before with just graduate students, actually. Maybe because I was more prepared. We went about fifteen minutes over time, but I got through everything and then passed!

My plan was to go back to my apartment for a quick nap before heading off to my computational biology class, but my postdoc texted me like "hey can you come to the office rq so we can chat about a lab thing" and then I get to the office and she'd thrown a little celebration with our "subgroup" plus my island-friend :D It was soooooo sweet and honestly was a wonder that I didn't cry. There was the cutest cake (tbh the best chocolate cake I'd ever had in my life and that's high praise bc I typically don't even like chocolate cake) and pastries and we just hung out while I decompressed for an hour and a half or so. So, so, so, so incredibly thankful for that gathering, actually.

Went to class and was literally nodding off constantly during lecture which I felt awful about because we had a guest speaker and he seemed so sweet but I just physically could not keep my eyes open. Decided not to go to recitation for the first time this semester. Turns out the TA wasn't able to make it anyway, and I wouldn't have found out until much much later, so I am supremely glad I didn't force myself to stay for hours for no reason (even though I know that all was just luck). Plus we learned of a two-day extension for our problem sets in that class. Score!

I was far too tired to go to the guitar shop that day, so I napped for three hours then randomly started watching AP Bio (which is hilarious) then slept for another several hours.

I went to the guitar shop the next day, bought some picks (I think I'll mostly be doing fingerstyle, but a lot of punk rock/pop punk is picked, I think) and a strap (it's got roses on it!! not sure if I'll need to get a pad for the shoulder though), but they didn't have the exact book I was looking for. There are a few other places I'll check for it (there's a yarn shop near one of them where I may check for some cotton fingering), but I may have to settle for a different option. We'll see, we'll see.

Hung out with my island-friend a lot that following day. She's going through a rough patch socially. I think this program has generally been a rough patch socially for her. She said she thought I was very stable. I think my turquoise-friend thinks much the same. I don't feel particularly stable. I think I carry a lot of nervous energy and that I tend toward insecurity, though I also think knowing that tendency helps me avoid the dark patterns that can lead to spiraling, at least, for the most part. I like to think that writing as an outlet helps. There are triggers that I'm less prepared for though, I think. I'd like to operationalize(?) them.

Admittedly, I've been taking it a little easy these past few days, considering that I have two assignments due Sunday and another due Monday, plus social events toward the end of the week and into the weekend, but ehhhhh. They'll get done.

Today I'm thankful that they're not kicking me out of the program!

Postscript: I just watched this video of this lady who literally spent probably 100 hours total weaving her own fabric to use for a cosplay, and it was probably the most I've ever seen any fiber artist be dedicated to their final product. I've seen historical costumers using period sewing techniques, cosplayers gather together to order specific tartans in bulk for accuracy, insane beadwork and embroidery, but this woman's craft has me awestruck. The result was beautiful, the process intensive. Beyond just weaving: sourcing the threads, learning the terminology, learning the mechanics, dyeing the threads, physically weaving... I grew exhausted just watching it. I've considered learning to weave on smaller looms (because of course I have), but I can't say I'm drawn to that particular craft at such a large scale. But uh, now that I know it's an option...

Post postscript: I hadn't listened through Monaco 2 because I wasn't super impressed by Eternal Strands, but Cocktail Party came on as a recommended song after my thousandth or so playthrough of Towerborne, and it SLAPPED like immediately. And the fact that it was Austin that made me sit up and pay attention like that?? aaaahhh. That man. His mind. Anyway, will have to listen through Monaco 2 I guess. Also? The bass in that song? That one should be fun to transcribe :)

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary298

7/13-14/24

saturday - sunday

productive day...

for everything but the film score!! i am really slacking on that.

before i get to all the stuff i did, i will talk more about the show i went to yesterday w/ a friend of ours. he came and got me, he and his gf, which i really appreciate, they are too kind, he even paid for me at the door... which was also very kind. my gf at least got him back for that.

so we were there for a while before the show, and then the show was a little late to start, it was nice that it was an all ages show, or it's nice that there are all ages shows, but being around teenagers is so strange, they stare, for one, i think maybe less because of my, uhm, i guess we would call it 'condition' (being vague helps me feel vague or something between the cracks (buy basically transfemme (obviously))), so less because of that though it is certainly part of it i imagine, and more because i do not dress the same. like i don't really dress like i'm a scene girl or like in the stupid gigantic pants and giant t shirts or crop tops or whatever. i mostly just dress like myself, annoying + wanting to be cute/sexy, but emphasis on cute i suppose.

anyway, there's that, which feels weird, and then also the fact that they're really not socialized well, and they kinda go hard in pits in ways that make no sense, like grabbing and throwing one another during rather slow and morose music that is mostly just kind of nice but not like, you know, it doesn't make you want to do more than sway in place basically. but they throw and stuff, it's annoying frankly because i'm just standing around and they knock into me and it hurts a little but also like, what am i supposed to do. i guess it's my bad for going to the show in the first place, i had a friend go into the pit and he was like, going hard a bit, and then immediately he ran back out like, they're weak, they're too weak.

anyway, the bands, first up was my friend's band i put their performance on yt. obviously not good video or sound quality but that is #thepoint, so here that is:

you get a view of the venue and the weird little old guy who owns the place. he's a sweet dude, it's nice that he has the shows here, it's sad the kids do not respect the space. i saw like, 3 march through with skateboards for no reason, to the back. i don't know what's up with that. hope they didn't fuck anything up! the old guy reminded me of how side characters in s1 of twin peaks feel. funny and nice, off kilter but basically pleasant...

anyway, we only stuck around for... 2 more bands i'm pretty sure.

second was this group common girl, they were the band the kids tried moshing to. they are fine, basically, shoegaze from portland trying to go in on how screamo is getting big again, they kind of got a little city of caterpillar, post-rock-y post hardcore-y... it's fine music but it doesn't really go fast or hard enough for me to even begin thinking about really dancing to it. so it's in an uncomfortable space, it sounds good recorded but they also sound way too much like narrow head. every band's got those chords right now. it's annoying. too much like, grunge influence. i thought it could not get old. but it gets old quick, actually.

3rd up is twistur... they were also okay but too prog-y, in the midwest emo way where they're all good at their instruments and stuff and it's like, they do some dumb jazzy stuff in between the guy being sad about girls or something. it's okay, it's fine. but the twinkly shit gets on my nerves. they also got gaze-y too, and hard too, there was one quite good song they had that was more of a post-rock thing, lots of space, interesting sense of pace and somehow, despite all the building, not really feeling slow. they're onto something if they stick with that sound, but i don't think that would go over well so much unless they really can make people stop and think, really feel it. i hope they can. both of these bands certainly have a lot of promise in that regard, so i guess basically i hope they keep doing stuff, they're definitely nice dudes trying their best, nothing felt cynical really, which is a good thing, sometimes, or i guess maybe because of the dj scene being where i was around for so long, you get that sense. i guess at their last show i went to, there was some of that, a bit, but most of the people in bands have a dorky thing going on, not in a bad way, it's just very earnest, to be doing that right now i think. that might be part of why it seems like the kids are super feeling that now, which i think is nice, it might lead to a resurgence of interesting guitar / guitar-ish music.

i guess we're sorta getting some of that w/ the whole electroclash thing going on. it doesn't even feel so much like a repeat, the good stuff at least, it feels like a true second wave almost, pretty #swaggy if you ask me!!

anyway, today:

i wrote lyrics for 2 songs!! that's pretty big i m o, cuz tomorrow i can try recording some stuff at least, or practice.

then, i wrote riffs!! on my guitar!! that felt really good, i sat there a while trying to figure out how to play better again, gonna keep on that i think, feels really good to try that, i do miss playing amplified but it's probably for the best i am not, since that would annoy lots of people and i'd just get sad i'm not very good, plus i'd get too focused on finding sounds. it's good i just sit and focus on writing riffs.

also, while doing lyrics, i was singing/practicing my vocals, which felt very good, also, nice to get back to that.

+i cooked and stuff, my gf had a long day, it was eventful but this job will probably make her very exhausted, hopefully i can help on some level w/ that.

i also exported a song, with much difficulty... idk why it was such a pain to figure out. i think i wanna go back in and mess with it a bit but i think there's some issue with some of the plugins, i mean definitely, to cause a crash like that. consistently... sooo fucking annoying!

it does keep crashing, hopefully this becomes normal after i turn my computer on tomorrow... idk what to do other than re-do all the plugins (lollllll) otherwise.

anyway, i have to sleep now, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cassiana-on-dark-side]

Hi 🤩🤩 It’s me ✨ I was 🤐🎸🎅🏻 !

Feel free to keep in touch ☺️

In the meantime here’s a couple of recs for Genesis: I’d start from either Duke (1980) or Selling England By The Pound (1973), depending on wether you want to get into their pop stuff or prog stuff (respectively) first 😊. Omg thank you, you’re so sweet! ☺️ I understand 2025 is shaping up to be quite the rollercoaster for a lot of people, me included, so don’t worry about it: we’ll see what life has in store 😁

Yeah, I’m really sad about it too. I was reading the Silmarillion when my mum ended up in the hospital. Luckily she was fine in the end but it was a quite scary few days and very tiring few weeks. This year I might try to make new memories with it though 💪🏼🤞🏼✨ Yessss I’ve been wanting to start playing DnD so bad too!! My husband is very into it and has been a DM for years with a group of online friends, but I never had the time 😭 I did try a bit on 2023 but then we didn’t have enough players irl. Minecraft is weird, I think if would really benefit from having something like a tutorial within the game itself, but it’s designed so that you either figure stuff out by yourself or ask another player to foster community. The way I did it was just watching let’s plays on YouTube and looking up stuff on the wiki any time I needed something 🤣. But I think my favourite thing about it is that there are many ways to play and you can pretty much set your own goals. You can choose to focus on combat and build good gear, you can turn off hostile mobs entirely and focus on building and farming, you can go explore and try to map everything, you can try to get the ending, you can you can try to gather all the rare items… or just make cakes and biscuits and hang out with your pets 😁.

Anyway, that’s all from me as 🎸🎅🏻. I’m always gonna be happy to hear from you 😊

Grazie di tutto e buon anno! ☺️✨

Ciao!!! 🤩✨

I’m so happy to discover you’re Italian and even a musician – wow! 😍 For me, musicians are like miracle makers. I love music so much, but I don’t understand anything about its theory, and sometimes I feel like I might be “missing something” by only experiencing it through listening.

I’m really relieved to hear your mom is doing well now. I completely understand how certain moments can stay connected to music in our memories. For me, it’s happening with bossa nova: it’s a genre I absolutely adore, but right now it’s hard for me to listen to because it reminds me too much of my dad.

As for DnD, I love it too, but I never manage to play as much as I’d like! 😅 I console myself by reading the Dragonlance books, which were some of the first fantasy novels I ever read and still adore. Recently, I’ve started writing some stories set in a world similar to DnD, and I have so much fun creating new adventures. Oh, and just a few days ago, I got my first Magic deck! I had a blast playing with it – my current strategy is to “put everything you’ve got on the field and hit as hard as you can!” 😂

You’ve also inspired me with your Genesis suggestion! As a New Year’s resolution, I think I’ll try to listen to at least one new album every month – starting with Selling England By The Pound! 🎶

I’d truly love to stay in touch with you! Wishing you a fantastic new year filled with music, adventures, and beautiful moments! 😊✨

Un abbraccio enorme!

[gerogerigaogaigar]

The Pretenders - s/t

No one sounds as dismissively cool as Chryssie Hynde. Somehow the blend of new wave, power pop, and punk manages to be catchy and aggressive. On the first half of the album the lyrics are confident, often sexual sung in a matter of fact way. She wants to fuck, and you'll do, but you're not special baby. By the second half the music calms down a bit and we get a few new wavier tracks. It's a tight little snapshot of the unique change that rock music was going through in 1980.

George Michael - Faith

Whenever I listen to this album I really wanna like it. And I do like it! Sorta. It opens with three extremely strong tracks. Faith and Father Figure are bangers and I Want Your Sex is the nine minute funk jam of my dreams. But I kinda lose interest over the course of the whole thing. It always loses me on side two for some reason and by the time Kissing A Fool starts I really just want it to be over. The good bits are just bursting with sensual vanity though so it's obviously worth a listen. And who knows maybe this one will grow on me if I listen to it a few more times.

Bruce Springsteen - Nebraska

I can't describe this album in any way that would do it justice. Nebraska will pick away at your brain until it unearths an emotional scab that you thought was long healed. Its stripped down lo fi acoustic songs are so personal yet so universal. I think I put on Nebraska hoping that this time it will tell me everything is going to be ok. It never does, but I listen to it anyway. Because at the end of every hard earned day people find some reason to believe.

John Prine - s/t

John Prine is so unassuming at first glance. Oh a few cheeky folksy tunes some sorrowful country ones yes that will fit in nicely with the 70 adult contemporary scene. But it's impossible to really listen without realizing just how biting the cheek is, just how genuinely sorrowful those tunes are. You notice that he isn't just someone cobbling together popular musical styles. That mix of folk rock, country, and Appalachia is so uniquely Prine's. He can turn a phrase with the sophistication of a poet, but without a hint of self satisfaction or irony. And the disarming humor of songs like Illegal Smile or You Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore make the tragic songs like Sam Stone or Six O'Clock News hit even harder. He's unfortunately overlooked everywhere except for on lists like this and in other musicians record collections.

Frank Ocean - Channel Orange

This album is what the entire neo soul genre was building up to. A sorrowful meditation on love, fame, and money with intensely introspective and personal lyrics. Ocean battles with his feelings over some of the most perfect instrumentals ever created. There's a little funkiness here and there, some strings at times, but mostly stark emptiness accentuated by cold synths and distant drums. This production is what makes it all come together. The way that Thinin Bout You is almost acapella pushes the tenderness to it's extreme. The church organ sound on Forrest Gump evokes Motown in a way that is fitting for his ode to his first love. Super rich kids plods along, with a constant thump as it dispassionately reaches its tragic conclusion. Pyramids is a nine minute prog soul epic that describes the diminishing of black women's role in society using Cleopatra as a metaphor. Every song has some particular quirk that makes it perfect while also feeling like a cohesive part of the album. Channel Orange might be the best album of the 2010s. Channel Orange might be my favorite soul record (top 5 at least). This is required listening for all humans and probably some other animals if they're into music.

Jeff Buckley - Grace

Jeff Buckley is primarily known for his cover of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. And the sweeping beauty of that song is just a sampling of what the album Grace has to offer. There is no end to the flowery flourishes, falsetto'd vocals, and fiery guitar that inhabit these songs. Some, like Hallelujah itself stay well within the confines of delicate art rock. But much of the album lulls you into a dreamlike state before crescendoing into soaring electric guitar solos. It's an extremely dramatic album filled with excesses both emotional and musical. Buckley's only fault as an artist is that he died before he could record another album.

[hermitologist]

My Favorite Records of 2022

Hi. I made another list.

First thing’s first. I apologize for the lack of music recommendations and runs on my Instagram this year. Thrice had a pretty busy touring schedule, and with the kids back in school the local virus carousel was BRUTAL. Seemed like we got to sample a new strain of the crud literally every other week. It’d rip its way through the house, we’d send the kids back to school, they’d bring a new batch of snot home a few days later, and it’d start up all over again. Rinse and repeat. It was hard to get out there and run with all that going on. Also: Blame where blame is due ... I got a little lazy when I wasn’t picking up goopy Kleenex or horking up some crud of my own. I”ll be back next year. (Hopefully.)

An-y-waaaaay ... 

I did manage to listen to a lot of new music despite "the circumstances”, and I have compiled all of my favorites for you here. There's a pretty clear cut Top 5 this year based on play counts, but the rest of the list didn’t really make sense to rank because this shit’s really all subjective anyway. I broke the list into categories that made sense to me, at the time, for organization’s sake. Each record has link to the band/label’s Bandcamp or website, so please please PLEASE support the artists you love beyond just streaming their music.

Playlists with a song from each record are below. I know it’s a lot of music. I know it’s all over the place. I know you don’t have time to listen to five-and-a-half hours of music. At the very least, I’d suggest at needle-dropping through the entire thing and earmarking some stuff to check out. That’s how I find a good chunk of this stuff. 

And please let me know what you dug this year and think I should check out!

Hope you all have a safe and happy holiday season. See you next year!

PLAYLISTS

My Favorites of 2022 Playlist (Spotify)

My Favorites of 2022 Playlist (Apple Music)

My Favorites of 2022 Playlist (Tidal)

THE TOP 5

Elder - Innate Passage

No contest here. This is a clear cut #1 for me. Fifty-four minutes of absolutely glorious, wholly transcendental, life-affirming, dreamy/heavy metal-adjacent prog. As a musician, I can tell you firsthand how hard it is to write a long song that doesn’t *feel* long. These fellas routinely crank out high-quality 10-minute-plus jams that you’ll hope never end. Queue this up and take it for a run, a long walk, or a long drive and you’ll see what I mean. It’s magical. And yes, it came out late in the year, but I haven’t been able to stop listening to it or thinking about it since, and I don’t see that changing for a long while.

Meshuggah - Immutable

It’s damn near impossible to find the right words for this band, let alone this record, but this is absolute wizardry, yet again, from the best metal band that has ever existed. Pure face-melting heaviness. They routinely reset the bar for what heavy music can and should be, and Immutable is no exception. It might even be my favorite Meshuggah record ever.

Museum of Light - Horizon

Ultra-heavy, sludgy, dynamic, meditative, push vs. pull, melody vs. dissonance post-rock in the vein of Kowloon Walled City, Shiner, Traindodge, and Torche. The songwriting is so clean and efficient, and the record as a whole is just a gorgeous, perfectly crafted arc. It’s perfect.

Holy Fawn - Dimensional Bleed

The heaviest, prettiest, most infectious batch of post-rock/metal I’ve heard in a long while. Dynamic shifts that are pure catharsis. A band that has the ability to give you euphoric chills one minute, and bring you to tears the next, headbanging all the while. Their first LP blew me away, and I wasn’t sure they could top it, but they totally have.

The Beths - Expert In A Dying Field

This record was an instant pick-me-up this year. A much-needed salve amidst all the stress and anxiety and depression the world can throw your way these days. Twelve preposterously hooky jams, that will put a smile on your face and a bounce in your step (even when the lyrical content dips into darker themes). It totally rules.

15 OTHER RECORDS THAT STAYED IN HEAVY ROTATION (in no order)

PLOSIVS - S/T

Drug Church - HYGIENE

Tvivler - Kilogram

Birds In Row - Gris Klein

gospel - The Loser

Cult of Luna - The Long Road North

Russian Circles - Gnosis

Conjurer - Pathos

Anxious - Green House

SPICE - Viv

PUP - The Unraveling of PUP The Band

The Smile - A Light For Attracting Attention

Pianos Become The Teeth - Drift 

Cloakroom - Dissolution Wave

Stray From The Path - Euthanasia

OTHER RECORDS I ENJOYED (also in no order)

Architects - the classic symptoms of a broken spirit Pedro the Lion - Havasu And So I Watch You From Afar - Jettison Mass Worship - Portal Tombs Rival Consoles - Now Is  Fleshwater - We’re Not Here To Be Loved Abraham - Debris de Mondes Perdus Norna - Star is way way is Eye Dan Mayo - Greenhouse Silvan Strauss - FACING Vein - This World is Going to Ruin You Author & Punisher - Krüller Black Thought/Dangermouse - Cheat Codes Cave In - Heavy Pendulum Square Peg Round Hole - Reservoir  Kendrick Lamar - Mr. Morale and The Big Steppers Pete Rock - Petestrumentals 4 Pet Fox - A Face In Your Life Swami John Reis - Ride the Wild Night Heriot - Profound Morality  Bastions - Majestic Desolation Wake - Thought Form Descent Inclination - Unaltered Perspective Momma - Household Name Hot Water Music - Feel The Void KEN Mode - NULL Animals As Leaders - Parrhesia Mark Giuliana - the sound of listening Meat Wave - Malign Hex Haunted Shores - Void Blessed - Circuitous Celeste - Assassine(s) Louis Cole - Quality Over Opinion Grivo - Omit Wonder Years - The Hum Goes on Forever A Hope For Home - Years Of Silicon Mountaineer - Giving Up The Ghost Norma Jean - Deathrattle Sing for Me Lamb Of God - Omens Psychonaut - Violate Consensus Reality Callous Daoboys - Celebrity Therapist Easy Prey - Unrest 84 Tigers - Time in the Lighthouse  Codespeaker - S/T Colonial Wound - Easy Laugh Thousandaire - Ideal Conditions

THE NEW BOTCH SONG I LISTENED TO LIKE 247 TIMES IN 3 DAYS

Botch - One Twenty Two

10 FAVORITE EPs

Downward - The Brass Tax  Cult Leader/End - Gather & Mourn  Irist - Gloria  Gleemer - Here at All  GoGo Penguin - Between Two Waves Lockstep - Lockstep 2  Portico Quartet - Next Stop  Be Well - Hello Sun  Chamber - Carved In Stone  Waldo’s Gift - Improvisations Vol. 2 

1 RECORD FROM 2019 THAT DIDN’T “CLICK” UNTIL 2022

Car Bomb - Mordial

2 RECORDS THAT DIDN’T COME OUT IN 2022 BUT GOT A LOTTA SPINS

Low - Double Negative Pile - Green and Gray

3 PODCASTS THAT I COULDN’T LIVE WITHOUT

Office Hours - humor, music, pure joy The Distraction - sports and social commentary/humor Effectively Wild - baseball analysis/humor

[vinylspinning]

Rush: Exit ... Stage Left (1981)

Though you wouldn’t necessarily go so far as to set your watch by them (as the saying goes), Canadian legends Rush could always be counted on to meet certain career benchmarks and expectations, both in the studio and on stage.

So, just as they’d revisited the best moments from their first four studio LPs with 1976’s All the World’s a Stage live LP, everyone’s favorite prog-rock power trio celebrated the next four with ‘81’s Exit ... Stage Left, and would later mark the next four with 88’s A Show of Hands.

Fun fact to remind us there is in fact humor in progressive rock: this LP was named after the signature catchphrase of Hanna-Barbera cartoon character Snagglepuss. 

Assembled from over 50 reels of two-inch tape, spanning both the Permanent Waves and Moving Pictures tours, this was not the most authentically “live” album out there, nor did the band members ever profess it to be -- in fact Geddy Lee later expressed some regret that they “fixed” so much in the studio.

But for Rush fans looking for the ultimate souvenir of those tours, or a “greatest hits set with benefits,” Exit ... Stage Left (released 40 years ago!) delivered the goods, and then some -- even satisfying their nerdiest compulsions by referencing each of their previous LPs in the gatefold sleeve.

On to the music!

Top samples of the band’s newfound songwriting economy, such as “The Spirit of Radio,” “Freewill” and “Tom Sawyer,” were efficiently and accurately reproduced, while epic fare like “Jacob’s Ladder” and “Xanadu” were arguably elevated to new heights of preposterous excess -- but we loved every second!

“YYZ” also regaled fans with a must-have Neil Peart drum solo, “Closer to the Heart” and “Broon’s Bane” showcased Alex Lifeson’s acoustic guitar mastery (his prowess on electric needs no additional hype), and “A Passage to Bangkok” and “Beneath, Between & Behind” even gave the older catalog some love.

Finally, there came the (largely) instrumental apotheosis of “La Villa Strangiato” -- a song so difficult the band could hardly perform it in the studio, but worked at it ‘til they nailed it on stage (we presume, anyway), with Geddy ad libbing some Yiddish at the 7:00 mark.

(Come to think of it, and not to go on a tangent, but you can hear Geddy telling jokes in yiddish to his dear old, Auschwitz-surviving mother, in Dave Grohl’s touching and surprisingly entertaining documentary about pop star mothers, From the Cradle to the Stage.)

In sum: if my tone on this blog sounds more like reporting than evangelism, don’t be misled: I really, really like Exit ... Stage Left, but it doesn’t fire up my adrenal glands with the same, visceral energy of a If You Want Blood or a No Sleep ‘til Hammersmith.

Few have ever accused Rush of being “visceral,” but -- by Gum! -- they’ve been everything else one could possibly wish for from one’s rock ‘n’ roll heroes, am I right?

Oh, and fans had no way of knowing this, at the time -- not least because the new decade was already two years old -- but Exit ... Stage Left proved to be Rush’s final adieu to the ‘70s art rock spirit.

Cold, sober, clinical, new wave-influenced works awaited in the ‘80s, and loyal, open-minded followers would just have to keep on rolling with the changes.

p.s. – One last thing: everyone’s seen the Ohio State marching band’s recent tribute to Rush, but I’d be remiss if I failed to include it here.

More Rush: Rush, Fly by Night, Caress of Steel, 2112, All the World’s a Stage, A Farewell to Kings, Hemispheres, Permanent Waves, Moving Pictures, Signals, Grace Under Pressure, Hold Your Fire, Presto, Counterparts, Clockwork Angels.

[success-and-corruption]

Macabre Album Review

DEG's second album! Oh yeah!

Track 1: Deity

This first track is definitely very interesting. It starts with a sleigh bell and then quickly turns into ominous chanting of some sort. Very spooky but also very different from their previous work which shows how versatile these five musicians are. The chanting eventually stops and we're met with heavy guitars and bass with Shinya playing a steady beat and Kyo vocalizing with a woman’s voice eerily making sounds. It sounds like he's gasping for breath (see what I did there)? That section ends and a clean guitar is played for a few seconds before the song goes back to the heavy riff after the chanting but this time Kyo sings in Russian to the tune of Johannes Brahms' "Fifth Hungarian Dance." This song definitely feels very religious to me which I suppose fits because the case for Macabre has prayer (?) beads in it.

I think Deity showcases DEG’s experimental side and sets the foundation for the rest of the album and it shows that DEG took a very different turn and became a bit darker.

Track 2: Myaku

Is this track in 3/4? 4/4? 5/4? 6/4?

Yes to all of the above. In the booklet it's indicated that this song was written by DIR EN GREY so no individual member wrote it specifically but the band definitely had some fun with time signatures in this one. Myaku was released as a single which is a bit different from the album version but I'm not reviewing the single. This song definitely departs from their late 90s VK sound which in my opinion is a good thing as it showed that DEG wanted to become more serious musicians. Plus, this track has one of my favorite basslines but I never got around to learning how to play it. Myaku is a chaotic song but it fits very well with Macabre.

Track 3: Wake/Riyuu

My boy Die does it again. This song is one of my favorites on the album and despite it being written by a guitarist, Toshiya’s bass really drives this track but we can’t forget the soaring guitars in the beginning and in the chorus. Kyo’s vocals are also great. Fantastic rhythm, instruments that all work very well together, and Kyo’s clean vocals? What’s not to like? This song really gets me moving for some reason. Not nearly as chaotic as Myaku, but Wake/Riyuu provides a nice structure and a consistent time signature (4/4) which is good contrast in my opinion. 

Track 4: Egnirys Cimredopyh +) An Injection

Everyone probably knows this by now by  Egnirys Cimredopyh = hypodermic syringe backwards. Despite that, this song isn’t about intravenous drug use. Kyo references a “white powder” a lot in this song and in one part of the song he sings “I started to speak to the wall with my lower half” (of course he sings that in Japanese) so I think this song is about abusing a drug called kakuseizai and... ejaculating onto a wall? To my knowledge cocaine isn’t very popular in Japan and kakuseizai (roughly translated to “stimulant” in English) is a type of methamphetamine that is used to improve pleasure during sex. Anyway as the lyrics progress it’s clear that the person in the song is battling between his good and bad side. They’re aware that their drug use is stripping them of their sanity but can’t stop and eventually gives in and “kills” the good side. In regards to the musicality of the song, again I really like the bassline (probably because I play bass) but the solos in the song, both bass and guitar, are seriously lacking in substance for me. However the rest of the song is fun to move around to i.e. it has a nice rhythm. 

Track 5: Hydra

“I wanna be an anarchist”

“Dead born”

“Sid Vicious, suspicious”

What are those lyrics??? This song is another experimental one with electronic sounds throughout. It’s also fast-paced and has another chant near the end of the song that breaks it up nicely. Lyrically there’s not much I have to say but this song is definitely one of DEG’s most interesting sounding. I’m sorry that I don’t have more to say. 

Track 6: Hotarubi

Hotarubi... what a beautiful song. It was very clearly written by Shinya. This track is, in my opinion, one of DEG’s best ballads but I think it goes on for too long but that’s just a very minor complaint. The strings complement the rest of the instruments and the part from 2:40-3:42 is stunning, with a surprising violin solo and a woman breathily vocalizing. Everything in this song works so well together except for the loud buzzing halfway through and Hotarubi never fails to evoke an emotional response within me. If it weren’t too long for my liking I would listen to it on repeat. At a certain point I just get bored. Also I think this song would be better suited towards the end of the album where the songs become more melodic.

Track 7: 【KR】cube

I’m not sure what【KR】cube means but what a fun song. Toshiya starts it out with that funky bass that we all know and love and then it transforms into a fast-paced song with a very nice rhythm on the guitars and Kyo’s clean vocals come in which is always nice to hear. I like the speed and rhythm of this song as it offers a pleasant difference from Hotarubi which is a very slow song. The chorus is very catchy as well 

Kururi, furari, fuwari, kurari

Kururi, furari, fuwari, kurakurari

and so on. The music video is fun for this one. We love Hitman Die. 

Track 8: Berry

This song is easy to figure out from the beginning dialogue of an English girl apologizing but then promising to blow her parents’ head off like raspberry jam (spoiler: she does at the end of the song). This one has more of a punk vibe and it’s kind of a fun song. What I can say is that I’ve never heard a song that features parents yelling at a child as part of a breakdown. It’s a good song but in my opinion it doesn’t really fit with the Macabre sound.

Track 9: Macabre -Sanagi no Yume wa Ageha no Hane-  

WOW what a song this is. I believe that this eleven minute prog rock masterpiece was the first song I learned on the bass (go big or go home). I love Shinya’s drums in the beginning and as soon as the other instruments come in you just know you’re in for a journey. This song has a great composition with all of the instruments and vocal layers but I suppose I should get into the specifics. The beginning (after the drums) starts with guitars that, in my opinion, portray a certain sadness while the bass drives the the song. Kyo’s voice is great in this one and also portrays that same sadness. After the first two verses clean guitars come in which is a nice contrast from the beginning but this song truly comes alive during the instrumental breakdown where there’s a guitar playing a repeating riff while insects buzz and a church organ plays in the background. It then switches to Kaoru and Die playing the same notes but alternating between electric and acoustic guitars. The breakdown ends with a very beautiful solo and Kyo singing in a higher register and making slurping sounds which makes sense if you follow the lyrics. There’s a bass solo which is always nice to hear. 

I think I’ve written too much about this song so I’m going to go on to...

Track 10: Audrey

What exactly were they trying to accomplish here? Country rock? It doesn’t fit with the album and it doesn’t even fit with DEG’s sound in general. I never listen to this song so I don’t have much to say about it. 

Track 11: Rasetsukoku

This song fits much better with Macabre, but only marginally. It’s definitely more speed metal which at this point in DEG’s music career hasn’t really done. It’s fun to listen to but the composition is quite simple and it tends to be sort of repetitive. I do like the bass in the beginning but the guitars in this song are kind of boring to me.  Maybe I should give it more credit. 

Track 12: Zakuro

I have mixed feelings about this song. It’s very emotional but maybe too emotional. It starts out kind of slow but I like Kaoru and Die’s parts in the beginning because they harmonize very well. I think this song has one of the most beautiful guitar solos they’ve ever written and it conveys the sadness that is the central focus of this song. My problem with it (and it’s a minor one) is that it’s definitely better live. 

Track 13: Taiyou no Ao

Another favorite on this album. Once again there’s a great bassline and while the song itself sounds sort of like a pop song the lyrics are rather sad. The prominent bass complements the guitars and if Shinya wanted a workout routine he could play this song a few times and he would get pretty buff. Can you imagine a buff Shinya? Neither can I. It just seems like his drums never stop for almost the entire song. It’s a nice way to close the album because it contrasts with the very dark-sounding Deity and it leaves me feeling good, albeit a bit sad because of the lyrics.

So that’s it. Can you tell I got a bit tired near the end? All in all I give this album 7/10. It’s a great album but there are some real duds in my opinion but it’s not my least favorite by any stretch. I’ll be reviewing all ten albums so you’ll find out which one I like the least...

As always feel free to comment your thoughts! I would like to connect with my followers a bit more.

[givemeonebreath]

A big, messy Linked Universe playlist

Link for Links

Heavy on the angst, because of who I am as a person. (At the same time, don’t take it too seriously, man.)

Influenced by canon, manga (TP Link is really Going Through It™ ), my personal perceptions, and popular fandom canon.

A pretty wide variety of genres, with a bias towards metal and prog rock.

I kept snippets of lyrics for most songs, also because of who I am as a person. (Some were particularly hard to narrow down to just one verse or chorus.) Those - and a little more rambling - are under the cut if you really want, in the order of the playlist. But. It’s long.

I didn’t initially make this with the intent to share, but hey. Throughout my past year+ of listening, I’ve been haphazardly adding songs to a playlist I very creatively named Links. If something reminded me of them, whether through the music or lyrics or both, I threw it on the playlist, so some songs might seem odd or vague. Some are really on the nose, as subtle as a sledgehammer. (Sky for Sky? Dude. Sorry.) Some are there because of a fitting line or two that stuck in my head. Ultimately, music - like any form of creative expression - can be interpreted in a multitude of ways. 

My listening habits and tastes are erratic, which is why this is one big, jumbled playlist and not separated for different Links. Not to mention if I did that, some (Wild, Legend) would have a lot and some (Wind, Four) would have none, both because of my own familiarity with them, and because of the general themes of the music I tend to listen to. Most songs are a general ‘hero’s spirit reborn’ mood, anyway - those are the first part of the playlist. The second half is more nuanced to specific Links, plus a few Ganon vibes.

1. Deep Purple - April (Koji Kondo, composer of the original Legend of Zelda theme, was into Deep Purple as a kid, and it shows.)

2. Kamelot - Regalis Apertura

3. Au4 - So Just Hang On, Beautiful One (I’ve posted this here before. I can’t hear it without thinking of LU now.) So I slipped in through the gate almost unknown. All my border stamps were late. Seven days old. Cold hand griped my shoulder blade, broke the bone. Bloody nose and turned away, all the way home.

4. FC Kahuna - Hayling Don’t think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here

5. Glass Animals - Youth Boy, when I left you you were young I was gone, but not my love You were clearly meant for more Than a life lost in the war

6. Pain of Salvation - Restless Boy A restless boy in a world too slow A flame born into cinder, ash, and glow I've given everything I gave it all Yet find myself alone

7. Haken - The Endless Knot Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line our cycle starts to fail. Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line we die to live again.   We need a story to believe in. We need a hero to prevail. We need a challenge we can overcome, it takes a tragedy to make us one 

8. Kamelot - Memento Mori (I particularly associate this with Time and Twilight) I am the god in my own history The master of the game I may believe if she would come to me And whisper out my name Sometimes I wonder where the wind has gone If life has ever been Sometimes I wonder how belief alone Can cut me free from sin

9. Katatonia - Fighters Look I told you so We never stop If we said that We'll back it up For sure You know We're fighters

10. Megadeth - This Day We Fight! (I mean, all Links, but particularly Warriors) For this I was chosen, because I fear nothing With confidence I tread through the dead of the night Off to another war-torn, faraway battlefield Wherein lies a demonic enemy horde

11. Moon Tooth - Igneous Well, the spirit took me And this old broken body leapt up and danced Settin’ out Settin' out with all my heroes in a bundle at my back Hawk am I More wings span in my shadow than overcast Yeah, you know what they say Always need something to look up to, ha

12. Samael - Moongate Destiny, tomorrow is today Destiny, without boundaries How many nights will we spend together traveling infinity back and forth and again How many times will we go together questioning eternity about us about our wonders...

13. TOOL- Parabola This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion

14. Lunatic Soul - Blood on the Tightrope No matter how hard you try To shut down your feverish thoughts They hunt you down with no regret Cause you have to fix it all

15. Hybrid - Keep It In The Family

16. Soul Savers - Unbalanced Pieces Gone, now carry on Through violent seasons I call you mother, mother, mother In vain, absent chain The twilight's bleeding And the playing board has two unbalanced pieces

17. Steve Von Till - Valley of the Moon All she gives is a stone facade Like ill-given flowers at a dead man's wake Here we slave for the dreams of another And fight over scraps like wayward dogs

18. Ludovico Einaudi - Experience

19. Lunatic Soul - Summoning Dance Three stones on the right side Three stones on the left My vicious circle of life and death   “Oh you want it” I hear it again “Oh you want it” My burden Curse to break

20. Lunatic Soul - Through Shaded Woods Run through your shaded woods Run through your shaded mind Run through the night Run away Run through the darkness Run

21. Lunatic Soul - Naavie

22. David Bowie - Nature Boy There was a boy A very strange, enchanted boy They say he wandered very far Very far, over land and sea A little shy and sad of eye But very wise was he

23. The Dandy Warhols - Sleep Well, I could sleep forever But it's of her I dream If I could sleep forever I could forget about everything 

24. Au4 - Everyone is Everyone (and Everything is Everything) Tripping and tumbling, Flipping and fumbling. Flowing on the rivers of sadness That have been forever rumbling.   But from dawn until now Of all the paths that I could have gone down Of all the valleys That I could have been flowing through.   In spite of all the chaos And all that has come between us, How is it I still find myself Here with you. 

25. Kingcrow - Everything Goes Your hands again upon the ground Falling rain for hours and hours As you learn the game Time dispels the fog ... Ever been there? Ever felt like prey? Ever thought your mind was feeble? Lot of things that don’t make sense

26. Pain of Salvation - Icon As a child I felt too old And now when I'm grown-up I feel too young A different kind so I've been told Just slightly out of reach and out of time

27. Sophia Loizou - Divine Interference (I got spooky dungeon vibes. Also, the title.)

28. Carpenter Brut - Fab Tool Runnin Gunnin Forward in the phantom shatter so grand Splatter grand, arcanum fuel Wrought iron out of the sky Over me, tells no lie

29. Blue Stahli - Death Will Have to Run All on the open road Where none will ever grow A journey toward the known With countless miles to go

30. Gyroscope - Mistakes & Ladders I am the first? No I can't be the first A continuous nothing, destined for something Tell me who you are and why you trapped me here

31. Queens of the Stone Age - Run, Pig, Run Run, pig, run Here I come

32. Chali 2na & Krafty Kuts - Guard The Fort The swords are drawn and odds are stacked And we clash the impact's a thunderous clap Calm demeanor Even though we are under attack [...my turn to guard the fort ready for combat]

33. The Great Discord - Army of Me (lol)

34. Kongos - Terrified I think I'll start again and change my name You only live once or twice, what a shame Somebody fucked up when designing this game

35. Woodkid - Run Boy Run Run, boy, run! This ride is a journey to Run, boy, run! The secret inside of you Run, boy, run! This race is a prophecy Run, boy, run! And disappear in the trees

36. The Beta Machine - The End A million miles away from you this time I'll do what it takes I'm on my way If lines are in the sand I'll go under If I can make it in time I will bring you back with me

37. Devin Townsend Project - Gump When we last met who was I? I'm sorry we no longer see eye to eye The energy to keep you in while keeping myself out I'm sorry how you'll take this  But I just don't have the patience anymore 

38. Arrested Youth - Riot! I can't get much satisfaction living in this cave It's tough to breathe, I'm in the belly of the beast Can't sleep with all my rage With me and all my generations living in this cage Pick up your guns and tell your sons, tonight we break the cage

39. Led Zeppelin - Friends So anytime somebody needs you Don't let them down, although it grieves you Some day you'll need someone like they do Looking for what you knew

40. Faunts - M4, pt 2 (Wild) Fight your foes you're not alone Holy war is on the phone Asking to please stay on hold Bleeding loss of blood runs cold And I need you to recover   Because I can't make it on my own

41. Faith No More - Ashes to Ashes (Wild) I want them to know it's me, it's on my head I'll point the finger at me, it's on my head Smiling with the mouth of the ocean And I'll wave to you with the arms of the mountain

42. Devin Townsend - Jupiter (Wild) I know you At least I think I do Everything's changed But in the days that are so dark It's wonderful

43. Katatonia - Neon Epitaph (Wild) Shadow of my shadow Cling not to my grief I am long left behind now You are free

44. The Smashing Pumpkins - The Beginning is the End is the Beginning (Wild) Time has stopped before us The sky cannot ignore us No one can separate us For we are all that is left The echo bounces off me The shadow lost beside me There's no more need to pretend Cause now I can begin again 

45. Katatonia - Lacquer (Wild) My voice travelling Soaring bird above your head The house we lived in Ridden with disease ... The levee breaking I can't live to fight once more The road to the grave is straight as an arrow I'm just staying around to sing your song, baby

46. Eskimo Joe - This is Pressure (Wild) There is no romance in suffocation  The walls fall down like your expectations You want to scream  And you want to shout But you've built up steam  And you can't let it out This is pressure 

47. Portugal. The Man - 1000 Years (Wild) We'll wait 1000 years  Until the end of time We'll wait 1000 more Dressed up in gold and white We'll climb the mountain sides  To find what's in the sky We'll dig through mountain sides  To find what's deep inside

48. Au4 - An Ocean’s Measure of Sorrow (Wild) Forgot my name and who I was. Memories of nothing floating up. All of the sorrow we once knew, Colours the ocean's water blue.

49. Band of Skulls - Carnivorous (Twilight) I am corrosive and cohesive Like a chemical bond I'm all together undone I am the broken kingdom I'm just so, so, so  So carnivorous

50. Glass Animals - Flip (Twilight) I wanna go back with a club and attack I wanna take to my guns and break you I gotta make my little foe take his own

51. TV on the Radio - Wolf Like Me (Twilight) My mind has changed my body's frame, but, God, I like it My heart's aflame, my body's strained, but, God, I like it

52. Kamelot - The Spell (Twilight) All my demons cast a spell The souls of dusk rising from the ashes So the book of shadows tell The weak will always obey the master

53. OSI - Radiologue (Legend) I was dreaming I was heading west thirty days faster Had a fever woke up in a sweat bailing out the water  Can't go on Can't go back   Heard your voice coming through the noise wrote it in the radio log Hurt my head, wondering what you said so I threw it overboard  

54. Katatonia - Don’t Tell A Soul (Legend) I have been destroyed by the perfection that is a lie see I'm moving soon see my feet are already on the road and if you know where I’m going don’t tell a soul

55. Haken - The Mind’s Eye (Legend) The shape of things to come are closer than they seem Changing your design every time you disappear I'm planning my escape through portals of your mind Where people seem to drop like flies

56. Pain of Salvation - Species (Legend) Sometimes I hate my fucking species Yet most days I'll do anything to please it  My generation was fooled to pursue our dreams But it is not what it seems You never need what you want And you rarely want what you need

57. Euringer - Do You Kiss Your Mama with That Mouth? (Legend) All my life, misunderstood I'm fuckin' too smart, too smart for my own good The last question, before I go is "Hey motherfucka, do you kiss your mama with that mouth?"  Yes! I kiss your mama with this mouth

58. !!! - Pardon My Freedom (Legend) Like I give a fuck, like I give a shit Like I give a fuck about that shit Like I give a fuck about that motherfucking shit

59. Team Sleep - Ataraxia (Legend) Froze asleep Coma deep I dream I'm out with you Alone at sea

60. Oliver Tank - Embrace (Legend) You're in my dreams The world is torn apart at the seams And I don't wanna leave Wearing my heart on it's sleeve

61. Machine Gun Fellatio - The Girl of My Dreams (Is Giving Me Nightmares) (Legend) The girl of my dreams is giving me nightmares I don't know what it means but she's got multi-coloured hair When she stands in the sand I dream of peaches And I'm not sure what that means either

62. Earl Greyhound - Shotgun (Legend & Hyrule) I am nobody, nobody is who I am I am a traveler on this land And nothing, nothing, nothing in my hands

63. TV on the Radio - Staring at the Sun (Hyrule) You're staring at the sun You're standing in the sea Your mouth is open wide You're trying hard to breathe The water's at your neck There's lightning in your teeth Your body's over me

64. Echo & The Bunnymen - The Killing Moon (Time) Fate Up against your will Through the thick and thin He will wait until You give yourself to him

65. Sufjan Stevens - Sugar (Sky) Don’t break my heart, don’t break my flow now And all this rage has got to go now Let’s take up this lifeline Come on, baby, gimme some sugar Don’t make me wait Don’t make me wait too long Don’t make me sing the sad song Come on, baby, gimme some sugar

66. Obsydians - Ascension (Sky) Rise above the hardships you’ll face I will sign and keep on rising As long as you are giving me your soul and keep me awake Feel like home and spread your light around I will listen and just be there As long as you are giving me your love I’ll give you my soul

67. Sonique - Sky -_-

68. Enter Shikari - The King (Ganon) Watch your back, my friend I'm about to kickstart a cycle Of never ending revenge And this time it's primal, it's tribal

69. Saul Williams - WTF! (Ganon, Hylia) "You've been polluted, uprooted by time You have been muted, computed but I'm A living vessel of the one, of the moon, of the sun" Hey! You ain't as dead as you seem, what the fuck? Hey! But you keep living your lies

70. These New Puritans - We Want War (Ganon/ Dark Link/ any nemesis I guess) Shadows dance back up, it's happening again If you listen carefully you might hear them whisper: "We hold all the secrets, we hold all the words; But they're scrambled and broken so you'll never know" Can't you see them Floating like black ash? Can't you feel them Crawling down your back?

[anothersillyfanblog]

These Days Part Two (Sanders Sides au)

Premise: Virgil is mute (oh and he lives in an attic, he’s always lived there) and life is kinda a tiny bit not right. He starts to realize this, of course, when he gets a secret “forbidden” friend who shares lots of cool (and slightly feral) ideas. There’s a lot more, but that’s the basic thingy. Warnings (some more-so for later parts, but still relevant): potential abuse, emotional abuse, u!Logan, u!Patton.

Part one | Part three

Remus didn’t climb into Virgil’s room every night, passionately declaring “all cops are bastards” and desperately clutching a bag full of Jolly Ranchers (and god knows what else). No. Even he had to be careful sometimes, ensuring Roman or their parents hadn’t noticed he’d left. So on some nights, Virgil sat waiting, watching the clouds pass lazily under the stars, without even a hint of a friend bearing forbidden books from far away lands.

But when he did visit? They’d talk about things Virge would never even dream of asking about- not even from Roman! History (the parts the books left out), geography (how big the world really was), culture (what ‘holidays’ were) and writing (Remus’ favourite topic), to name a few, leaving the bewildered Virgil to digest whatever conversations had just taken place at his own peril.

It was as Virgil had just finished his breakfast, brought to him by Patton as usual, and was about to start working on poetry annotation when he remembered something his strange friend had said.

“What are you reading other people’s words for? You should be out there, making mistakes, kissing boys, eating ass, getting high, overthrowing the government! You know? What most kids whatever your age is are doing!”

Normally Remus would be the kinda guy to encourage reading, but he was always saying things like that. Fortunately, Virgil always quite helpfully pointed out the many, many, many, many, risks in getting behind on his studies. But Remus had a point- as he sometimes did.

Virgil had told his strange secret about the arguing before, explained that it just was, but Remus never really took anything as it ‘just was’. They just shout a lot. He had signed, shrugging. “Yeah, dumbfuck, but what about!” I don’t know, can’t hear them from here, can I? “Well have ya ever put ya ear to the floor?” asked Remus, as if he was querying about the weather. I… I really don’t think I should. A chill had come over his spine. It’s a far better idea to just hide up here in my space. “But you’d still be hiding! It’s perfect!” He had shook his head vigorously at this. There’s this third voice, he’s different. I just don’t think I should listen… “A secret third voice!” Remus whisper-screeched “oh my SHIT you have GOT to listen in some time!”

But the shouting began again today, Logan and Patton’s voices intertwined about some issue… no issue? The same issue? Remus had never pressed Virgil about it in the weeks that followed, that wasn’t like him. But it was like those words had been pressing Virgil closer to the floorboards over the many days and hours… he was always going to do this.

“With modern information the subject is showing unprecedented prog-” he could hear Logan spit out coldly. “Yes! I get it! You want to see how far your pet gets, that’s all this is to you-” Patton cut him off, to be cut off himself. “Falsehood! That is a complete strawman of my perspective and you’re aware of it.” “Well, whatever.” Patton snorted. “There are more important things in this house than your ‘project’- you! Are obsessed.” “Perhaps, but at least I provide more to the house than cooking.” “You know full well I do more than-” “Cease!” The third voice finally made an entrance. “Argue everyday if you must, lord knows I’ve been putting up with it for long enough, but not while we have an audience.”

-

So yeah! I’ve decided, even if I’m writing this for two people (or ultimately myself because I’m very fond of this idea), I’m gonna do it anyway. I’m quite attached to a lot of my ideas, hence why I’m continuing, though any and all feedback is appreciated. 

Taglist: @the-pastel-kitsune @night-luna

[clouds-of-wings]

Hey! I just saw your post about the symphonic metal and folk metal, and thought it was interesting that you mentioned Mongolian folk metal, which I know I've heard but can't remember the band for the life of me. Anyway I come to my point--do you think you could make a list of folk metal bands by country/continent? Or at least list a few of your favorite bands from a few different countries? I'd absolutely love to delve into this genre more but it's difficult to find new stuff. Thanks in advance!

Sure! If you don’t normally listen to folk metal and you’ve recently heard Mongolian folk metal, it was likely The HU, who are HU-gely successful at the moment. I can’t possibly list all folk metal bands, there are just too many - The Metal Archives have a more or less complete list plus you can sort by country - but I’ll list some of my favourite bands from a few countries and link to a song which I find representative of their style.

So here’s my totally subjective list of favourites, followed by some of the “greats” that most people who listen to the genre will know.

Mongolia

Tengger Cavalry - Very innovative band, combined Mongolian folk with American metal influences. Songwriter tragically died this year, which I’m still not totally over, tbh.

Nine Treasures - Fast and melodic, sometimes called the “Mongolian Korpiklaani” (see below)

The HU - The most famous band at the moment thanks to relentless marketing by their label (nothing wrong with that), not very heavy and I don’t really see them as spectacular but they are pleasant to listen to

Hanggai - Just pure coolness 8) They like to change genres sometimes though, not all they make is metal. Their “Horse of Colours” album is a favourite of mine though

Suld - They’re a bit less well-known and more metal than folk but if you like that, give them a try

Yat-Kha - Made Mongolian folk metal (or rock) before it even existed!

Bonus song: Mongolian/Latvian collaboration that’s too cool not to mention, seriously look at it

Sweden (aka the country half the bands I like come from lol)

Utmarken - Great if you like power metal… great in general! Really good lyrics too, some of which I translated here if you’re interested.

Fejd - Experimental, unique, soulful & fascinating, most of their stuff is basically acoustic except for the synths (which are mostly there to mimic drone instruments), but it manages to still sound and feel metal

Månegarm - If you like black metal, this is where I’d start. If you don’t, I’d still recommend them, I don’t even like harsh vocals but still love them, plus their talented vocalist can do great clean vocals too.

Vintersorg - A little prog metal-y, the songwriter is a teacher and mostly sings about science (especially geology) these days. His older & even more folky project is called Otyg.

Falconer - Amazing vocals, plus they sing mostly in English. Strong power metal influences, in fact I don’t know if they should count as folk but I like them so I’ll include them anyway

Hel - From the 90s mostly, I’ve been listening to them a lot this year, clean female vocals and lots of energy

Finland

Korpiklaani - Influenced by the music traditions of the indigenous Sami people of Lapland, famous for their drinking songs but actually sing about myth and history as well. Very famous.

Turisas - Known for their motivational songs (Stand up and fight!), English lyrics and their frontman’s heartfelt words of support for individual fans who are stuggling (oh I’ve heard Stories!)

Wintersun - Death metal influences, honorary folk metal band, one album a decade but totally worth the wait. Go follow the songwriter on social media if you like the music, he’s (intentionally) hilarious. And they even have a small fandom on tumblr!

Ensiferum - Known for creating Wintersun… just kidding! Enduring popularity but I only like their early stuff. Lots of people love them though.

Russia

Arkona - Also a lot of growls & strong black metal influence, plus an actual female songwriter, still rare in folk metal

Kalevala - Arkona’s gentler little sister, clean vocals and lots of happy folk music, pure happiness to listen to!

Some of the most influential bands I didn’t name above:

Týr - from the Faroe Islands, prog influences, old-school, popular and infamous due to various shitstorms controversies

Alestorm - from Britain, overhyped, extremely dumb pirate-themed lyrics, listen at your own risk

Skyclad - from Britain, founders of the genre. Maybe the most eloquent and well-written lyrics in metal (honorary mention to co-founders of the genre Cruachan, which I don’t listen to at all)

Suidakra - from Germany, I don’t listen to them but their singer looks like Severus Snape, which I find noteworthy

Eluveitie - from Switzerland, probably the best-sellers in the genre, I find them pretty boring though, but I like the song I linked

and…

Corvus Corax - Because I feel like I should include at least one German band that I listen to lol. We have a huge scene in Germany but I like almost none of the bands. CC are cool though.

I also have a folk metal tag which seems to have about 140 entries, so I guess I’d recommend everything there :D

[happymetalgirl]

September 2020

As quickly as I caught up, I fell behind, and I’ll explain it all later, but that’s why some of the review blurbs here are really short while others are much longer. I still tried to make the shorter ones as expressive and dense as possible, even though I personally don’t like that approach so much. Anyway, September 2020, still a hellhole.

Faidra - Six Voices Inside

Drawing very obvious influence from Burzum’s Filosofem for the ambient portion of its sound, Faidra’s atmospheric black metal debut manages to marry both the snow-hazy ambience of Norway’s second wave with today’s more full-bodied naturalistic ambient black metal in a ceremony rather respectably elegant for a debut.

7/10

Heathen - Empire of the Blind

One of the more anticipated thrash metal releases of the year, Heathen’s more intensely melodically focused and unbalanced approach only drags their lethargic Testament-sequel brand of melodic thrash down, as Empire of the Blind trades out the genre’s hallmark spitfire aggression for dull guitar leads and uninspired operatic vocal lines that leave only a desire for the former.

5/10

Oceans of Slumber - Oceans of Slumber

A demonstrably competent, but woefully soulless and bloated display of neo-classical prog metal chops, Oceans of Slumber’s self-titled fifth LP is one of many of the genre’s avatars for much of its impressive face-value and numb delivery.

5/10

Corey Taylor - CMFT

We all knew this day would come, the charismatic Slipknot and Stone Sour frontman has finally released a solo album. And you could tell from the rollout with the star-cameo-studded music video for the lead single, “CMFT Must Be Stopped”, that Corey was going to lean in on it. But honestly, for as much natural swagger Corey Taylor can wield and showcases on the track, his straightforward rock songwriting that has graced Stone Sour’s discography is astoundingly weak, and this song’s more exuberant egotistical indulgence amplifies it rather than remedying it. It’s definitely one of the worst singles I’ve heard all year, especially for a project so highly anticipated as this, and there’s really no excuse for it to be this bad. If the general goal of a solo project is to transcribe your creative DNA onto an album as authentically as possible, and if this is an honest portrait of Corey’s creative core, it really just affirms for the many people annoyed by his media omnipresence that his main talent is just being the great big mouth. It should be obvious, but I’m not saying this to disparage in any way his massive contributions to the legendary legacy of Slipknot or even the genuinely important role he’s taken up as metal’s de facto representative press secretary. It’s not unheard of, and probably more normal than the opposite, for group-embedded artists to struggle to get a strong solo venture going. Thankfully, the lead single is the lowest point this album stoops to, but with its generic 80’s hard rock and glam anthems, it frequently gets pretty damn close. And look, I can tell it’s an album that’s supposed to be more about having a good time than any of that other artist DNA shit I brought up earlier, but its only routes there are through cheap imitation of other artists’ styles, and this still wouldn’t be anywhere near my first well of songs to draw from if I were making the most drunken of tailgater playlists.

4/10

Skeletal Remains - The Entombment of Chaos

Relatively new on the wider death metal scene, the Californian four-piece show once again, on their fourth album, why there remains such an appetite for old-school death metal with effective beating sessions and shredding clinics like The Entombment of Chaos.

7/10

Messiah - Fracmont

Originally part of the movement of early intensifying that inched fast, heavy, growly metal closer and closer to, and eventually over, the line that would separate thrash from what would become the vast world of death metal before their lengthy disbandment, Switzerland’s Messiah are fortunate to return to a world still hungry for new and old flavors of death metal with the stylistically and compositionally vintage (if not rusty) but somewhat technologically updated death-thrash of Fracmont, but they will need to do more than just pick up where they left off and acclimate their approach to the modern era if they intend to stick it out in today’s harsher death metal ecosystem.

6/10

Stryper - Even the Devil Believes

The Christian glam metal outfit have really leaned into the power metal glory that their high-soaring brand was always kind of adjacent to over the past few albums, and to their benefit, and despite what their goofy striped outfit look back in the day would have led you to predict, the steadfast veteran Christian rockers have aged far better than most of their 80’s hair metal contemporaries. Nevertheless, the walking oxymorons’ cheesy, on-the-nose, and occasionally preachy lyricism remain a pesky turn-off to both the religion they espouse and the medium they evangelize through. Frontman Michael Sweet took a bit of a misdirected offense from another reviewer who pointed out exactly this about his band’s new album, taking some media time to play the insufferable persecuted god-fearing follower of Jesus that so many Christians so delusionally imagine they are as a majority religious group with more political power than any other. Now with Michael Sweet claiming that his band has it so rough because they’re openly Christian, I say it really comes down to how you present it, and he especially presents it kinda goofy. One of the songs I’ve been getting energized by a lot on my workout playlist is “Devil’s Den” by Impending Doom, an also openly Christian band. And apart from the nasty 8-string groove, the song’s central refrain “slaughter the demons that are clawing on my brother’s back, until my brothers fight back” about support through spiritual struggle against one’s vices is a thrilling lyric that frames that aspect of Christian spirituality in a much more relatable and sympathizable manner. I’m not expecting Stryper to go into gratuitous deathcore brutality to deliver their message, but they can’t be mad about receiving criticism when they haven’t evolved the 9th-grade-reading-level lyricism that was begrudgingly accepted in the 80’s. Sociopolitical stuff and frontman antics aside, Even the Devil Believes is an instrumentally solid, but exceptionally lyrically corny record full of Bible verse quotes and Sunday School rhymes. I’ll highlight the song “Do Unto Others” for beating the odds on this album with its invigorating sing-along power metal melody, but that song is perhaps the sole reason my feelings in this album are more neutral overall instead on negative, while the vast majority of this album is just begging to be instrumental or at least tuned out.

5/10

Mastodon - Medium Rarities

Mastodon really could have just saved the earth-quaking opening single for their next album or released it as a stand-alone single instead of with the other forty minutes of entirely unnecessary of instrumental versions and live cuts among the other worthwhile material to compile for an album like this.

Fallen Torches/10

Ihsahn - Pharos

The now prog-immersed enigmatic Emperor frontman put out a pretty solid EP earlier in the year, but I was still hoping that Ihsahn would come through with a more essential addition to his solo catalog, and even if it’s a small one, his second EP of 2020 is that addition. Pharos is a succinct, five-song display of proggy melodicism much more confident and infectious than the still-respectable Telemark, further bolstering Ihsahn’s prog credibility and proving to anyone skeptical that he was all esoteric experimental bark and no substantive bite that he indeed has the songwriting chops to thrive in the genre.

8/10

Uniform - Shame

The New York duo’s sardonic and noisy industrial metal neither progresses nor regresses on their fourth album, Michael Berdan’s nasty vocal delivery and the backing industrial instrumentation lose steam and effectiveness rather quickly and the numbing experience ends up being over before you know it for the wrong reasons. It has its moments, but they are brief and few in number.

6/10

Cloudkicker - Solitude

Through an eleventh album under the name of his occasionally djenty instrumental prog studio project, Ohio virtuoso Ben Sharp once again flexes his technical and compositional prowess in an entertaining rather than self-congratulatory manner.

7/10

Marilyn Manson - We Are Chaos

This was a bit of a weird one, and it definitely caught me off guard for a few reasons, mostly for how it flows and for my own not hearing the title track previously when it was released as a single. The iconic 90’s boogeyman of the religious right wing in America is on his eleventh album now and (I mentioned it when I reviewed his tenth album, Heaven Upside Down, in 2011) it seems like people are finally accepting that the Antichrist Superstar’s fire-stoking strategy of blasphemous industrial metal last century was something that served its purpose for a time that has now passed. With Manson now on the more mortally introspective side of 50, the more measured rock of the latter portion of his catalog is starting to outsize what so many see as his grotesque golden age, which has seen him dip occasionally into the sounds of his beloved trilogy, but mostly dabbling in glam and indie rock sounds to find a late-career footing to sustain him. And on this album’s collaboration with country outlaw Shooter Jennings, I think the aging provocateur has found a direction that could be promising. Now I say it that way because I don’t think they gave us more than a tantalizing taste of it on this album, but I would love for Manson to further pursue what he and Jennings pull off together at the beginning of We Are Chaos. It took me a little while to warm up to the hammed up spoken word intro and industrial rock body of the opening track, “Red, Black, and Blue”, but I do think it does kick the album off well, albeit deceptively. It’s easy to forget how well Manson can hold himself on a ballad, not just on his meditation on his own aging during “Running to the Edge of the World”, but also on several cuts in his famed trilogy like “Lamb of God”, “Man That You Fear”, and “Coma White”. But after the somewhat tame fire of the intro track, Manson jumps straight into three songs of completely unexpected indie rock balladry that capture his mission to soundtrack every listener’s individual apocalypse at this time. Going through a lot of changes in life myself, I had a bit of unexpected catharsis with these songs that I think I’m going to be unable to dissociate them from with future listening. Unfortunately, Manson doesn’t re-engage ballade mode until “Broken Needle” closes the album, with the middle portion of the album having some good moments of industrial rock swagger, like “Perfume” and “Infinite Darkness”, but also some songs like “Half-Way & One Step Forward” that are just too dry on energy to be worth the time. But overall, I think the brightness in this album’s best spots make it well worth more than just a cursory listen, and I just hope that this album is a turning point for Manson and a step toward finding his groove without the flagrant heresy that built his youth.

7/10

Derek Sherinian - The Phoenix

Meandering through a generic prog rock instrumental wasteland and picking up the occasional morsel from between the dried out cracks of desert floor, The Phoenix is barely even a hearty display of the prog metal skill and street cred we all know the talented keyboardist to have.

5/10

Napalm Death - Throes of Joy in the Jaws of Defeatism

British grindcore legends Napalm Death need no introduction at this point, and with plenty of excitement behind their most lengthily-awaited LP after 2015’s well-respected Apex Predator - Easy Meat (and the sizzling appetizer the Logic Ravaged by Brute Force EP gave us), the band’s fifteenth full-length onslaught of deadly grindcore, Throes of Joy in the Jaws of Defeatism is a satisfactory dose of the band’s usual black-pilled rage against political and societal ills at most, with a few odd, to say the least, stylistic choices to say the least that beg the question of why this took so long.

6/10

Finntroll - Vredesvävd

While its adherence to the band’s boundaries within the niche genre they occupy makes it unlikely to take its established Finnish masterminds to any new heights, Vredesvävd is a professional, yet still fun serving of Finntroll’s black-metal-flavored folk metal brimming with energy and optimism.

6/10

Proscription - Conduit

Another Finnish outfit making their mark on 2020, Proscription still have some important ground to cover in ironing out and more specifically differentiating their blackened death metal sound, but Conduit is hardly a timid debut, providing a solid foundation for the four-piece to build upon.

6/10

Carnation - Where Death Lies

Not the faintest hint of a dreaded sophomore slump can be heard on the Belgians’ unflinching, merciless follow-up to their sizzlingly nasty 2018 debut album, Chapel of Abhorrence. Where Death Lies is as unyielding of a continuation as it gets, and in the best way such a straightforward trajectory can be. Nothing but skin-shredding, means-tested death metal in its most fibrant Floridian Form from front to back, Carnation showcase their skills from groove to solo in another stellar all-around display of force that provides a perhaps necessary reminder to the fans and critics annoyed by its ubiquitousness of the raw power that can come from unadulterated death metal.

8/10

Fit for a King - The Path

Fit for a King deliver perhaps the most convincing pathos yet for their more brightly melodic brand of Architects-like metalcore on their sixth album, putting on an exquisite balancing act that could sway even the most stubbornly cross-armed observer who likes the breakdowns but hates the clean singing.

7/10

Kataklysm - Unconquered

Kataklysm’s 2018 album, Meditations has ironically stuck out to me in retrospect because it was the shortest full-length review I had ever done, simply because there was so little to say about the unmemorable melodeath on that record. The band have definitely bounced back with some potent fire in their belly on the metalcore-infused Unconquered. Boasting more infectious grooves and more crushing breakdowns with a notably greater sense of urgency behind them, it’s still a pretty unambiguous and unambitious record, but it makes a far more convincing case for itself.

7/10

The Ocean Collective - Phanerozoic II: Mesozoic / Cenozoic

After a largely forgettable preceding act from all the way back in 2018, The Ocean Collective Return much more revitalized and sufficiently warmed up for a much more engaging 51 minutes of progressive metal that checks both classical and modern boxes.

7/10

Fires in the Distance - Echoes from Deep November

The debut album from the Connecticut four-piece offers a rather compositionallly directionless and standard take on the death-doom it offers. Even while taking a melodic approach very similar to that of a Khemmis or a Spirit Adrift, the attempted soulful guitar leads come off as aimlessly noodly and unplanned as the structures enclosing them, whose dynamic shifts feel more like repeated defibrillation attempts for unlively songs.

5/10

Darkcluster - Spirit of the Void

The debut album from this Canadian one-man-band studio project makes its intent to fill the sci-fi extreme thrash void that Vektor might not get to return to in the wake of the revealing David DiSanto’s domestic violence toward his girlfriend, and while Darkcluster’s mastermind clearly has the technicality down, the atrocious vocals across the rather lengthy and largely compositionally aimless project greatly hold this album back.

4/10

Swine of Dissent - An Uprising

A safer and more measured, but more successful black-metal-flavored thrash debut record, Swine of Dissent still have some work to do on the compositional floor as well, but with not as many glaring flaws, they have enough to start with and move forward with this type of thrash metal.

5/10

Gazpacho - Fireworker

The artsy Norwegian outfit returns to the more sprawling prog rock that hooked me into their music on Night for their eleventh album, but Fireworker is far from the kind tepid, nostalgic return to normal that a late-stage revisiting of older styles often suggests of other acts. Elevating their already lofty sound and massive scope to new cinematic, choral, orchestral heights with astounding ease, the soulfulness contained within the band’s clinical execution of such a daunting series of tasks makes Fireworker their most accomplished and enrapturing work yet.

9/10

Sumac - May You Be Held

While far from fatal, after the enthrallingly eccentric and humblingly heavy sludge experimentation of 2018’s Love in Shadow, the slightly tempered creativity and muddied production of May You Be Held is a mildly disappointing fourth LP simply for how high its creators have set their own bar. Nevertheless, Sumac continue to impress with a noisy, explosive, yet hypnotic approach to post-metal that thrives in the band’s love to draw outside the lines and with a deluxe box of crayons.

8/10

Obsidian Kingdom - Meat Machine

Priding themselves on their eccentricity, Obsidian Kingdom come through with one of the most stylistically diverse, genuinely experimental, and entirely entertaining sludge albums of the year, if not recent memory. Taking the thunderous sludge of Mastodon and going at it with the mindset of a band like Sumac, the quirky Catalans pack operatic vocals and even Slipknot-sequel passages into the intricate compactor that is Meat Machine, and it’s a feat they can certainly take pride in.

8/10

Deftones - Ohms

Coming from a big fan of both Gore and Koi No Yokan, Deftones’ plunge deeper into the elegant shoegaze of this later stage of their career on Ohms was bungled far too much by a lapse in the critical compositional organization that has allowed their ventures into spacey alternative metal territory to succeed.

5/10

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary4

hi, i did go to melt banana today, and i just got done putting hydrogen peroxide (somehow, just forgot what that was for a few seconds, i guess because i'm so sore all over) on my knees cuz they got bashed on the stage, i was right up front the whole night in the middle.

there's a pic of me my gf took, where i basically was the whole time they were on except i sort of slid farther and farther and right over the duration of the show because of crowd currents but there were 3 other bands, one was a really good local crust duo called swamp brain, bass and drums only, they'd also get really sludgy which was sick, and the third band right before melt banana was another really good grindy hardcore band called life's torment, both of these were local, agata was in the crowd during life's torment's set (awkward thing to say/write). there's not a lot to say about them, i think as far as local bands i've seen around here beyond my friend's band, this is the most absorbed by the music i've been honestly, i didn't mosh or anything during their sets, there wasn't a pit anyways, i don't know how much that disappointed them or disappointed the people in the crowd. i stood there and just absorbed the music, cuz idk how long lived these acts have been/will be, and it's not unlikely that it'll be the case that they can't get much recorded.

during swamp brain i did have a funny thought, about how hipsters, because the drummer kind of was perfectly hipster looking, glasses beard hat, a specific sort of shorts + band shirt thing, love sludge metal. this is the case for myself, it's the kind of metal i tend to like the most, at least, so i wasn't judging the band really but it also felt mean, like i don't know, like i was imagining he didn't have cred. but who has cred. it's all spectacle anymore. cred is dumb mostly.

the 2nd band, as i am, were really baffling, it was like 4 father-aged men kind of just doing their own things each. the singer really wanted to do rap rock so he'd go for it, while the drummer, who had an absolutely huge kit that included windchimes and a triangle on their own weird sort of lovingly crafted stand, tried to drum as prog as possible. the guitarist played, i dunno, he just played i guess, and the bassist was wearing this mortally faded mayhem sleeveless shirt, an unbelievable thing to think about was how he and the guitarist probably played much weirder stuff together and tried to get other guys to join, and it sort of became a weird cock rock disaster. they didn't even seem to know who they were opening for, and also, a huge cluster of old people came up front for that band. really strange stuff, they must have some kind of following. i have no clue about whether or not that's local or not.

we did get a t-shirt, also, i'm excited to wear that. speaking of that yesterday i talked about how i planned/scheduled my getting ready period and a lot of today was spent languishing / waiting on showering/shaving so i could pluck (lol cuz when am i ever going to get laser hair removal) as much hair from my face as possible. and then i showered which was normal and stuff and then i tried to do my hair in a bouffant but i don't think i'm ever going to get my hair in a bouffant and that makes me a little sad or maybe horrifically sad because it would be perfect i think but i'm too dumb to figure it out or my head is just not good for that really. so my hair's got a bunch of spray and hair clay in it and it was big and fucked up, at least. then i tried like 3 outfits on in a kind of rush, the first two were way too pretty/nice and i was kind of cunt about that because i wanted badly to wear them but my gf told me it was a bad idea and i was resistant for whatever reason. i'm really annoying like that and i wish i weren't but being told not no but that's a bad idea is worse than just being told no i think, for me, which is dumb because someone's trying to save your feelings but it just feels worse/ gently condescending i guess. i should be less stupid. i settled on a really fun thing i think, at least, which is more fun cuz i was trying to do a 60s dress w/ a belt in the middle thing but w/ a tshirt and dress layered under. it's at least the thought process that went into that. the trying outfits on kind of sucked because the whole time i was worried about my gf's mom showing up to take us there early so we could eat before the show.

anyways here's the look pre show:

and here's one after the show:

look at how my sweat interacts w/ the hairspray, so grody!

and god my back hurts rn and my shoulders too.

also today i did not wake up early or work on music like i wanted to, which sucks, and i didn't really write and that sucks and makes me feel bad/lazy/whatever, kind of dumb i guess. i feel dumb and worry about feeling dumb and never want to feel dumb always, constantly, i want to get out of my own head so badly a lot but it sucks and i can't, i want to be perfect always too and that's making me crazy right now kind of, it's at the back of my heart, it's inching in and it'll take it over and i'll walk in circles a bunch some day soon but not now, so there's dread that makes it harder to approach all the things i am working on and want to do. i want to cry now talking about this, and lay down and curl up and stuff.

during the show i got so sweaty that my mascara leaked into my eyes and i had to wipe them on my bag but it kept burning and i was crying because of that, and that felt good/interesting, the fact i was suffering and the loudness of everything, in retrospect i'm really happy about experiencing that and all the people shoving me, and the moments where i got to dance in my little spot up front, communing as best i could with the total noise of the band, the only other show like that i've been to was the machine girl show in reno i went to 4-5 years ago. i think this one could have been better, as a show, the crowd experiences were a little different, i think machine girl's crowd felt so extremely positive, a narrow group showed up for that, all weird and mostly gay, in reno which is a miserable place, so the dispersal of energy was kind of total, everyone was aiming at excess and i guess we all met it together. w/ melt banana it was getting there with the band and my friends, but moshing/dancing felt like i had to weaponize myself sort of, to protect from these really dumb people trying to rush to the front and guys who just kind of, i dunno, threw themselves against me/anyone just cuz i guess. one guy was awful in particular because he was grabbing me/anyone who looked like a girl, he started getting his nails involved too i remember, and he'd get really close on my ass too somethimes, and just try and pull you away/push you out because he wanted to be up front so badly. he was some dumbass in a denim jacket, i had to sock him in the ribs at one point because he got too aggressive w/ me and everyone else up front that didn't look tough, i guess. he retaliated (obv) which isn't bruising or anything it seems but like i said he and a bunch of other people made my knees get all fucked and i spent myself so totally i can hardly walk straight. even typing sort of hurts. so you know that this is like a labor of love, i think, right.

anyways, i know it sounds like i really hated the crowd but i didn't, mostly, i just think crowds at these types of shows can get very annoying, and w/r/t weaponizing myself, i wore chelsea boots that have heels and i was jumping up and down and i know i was landing on people's feet. sorry but fuck you kind of, i guess, maybe i was as bad as anyone else, i also feel like that's just how you assert some claim over space i guess. i dunno. all i wanted and what i got was communication w/ the music, it really overpowered me and being made blind because of my makeup sometimes added to that, it felt really honestly religious, and it's silly music, i like that anything/everything can feel like that.

after the show i stumbled to sit in a big couch a little while, and then i had to go piss. when i go piss in public i use the men's room cuz idk what to do so i just go w/ whatever default i've had because since i have a penis i have always figured no one would argue with me, but tonight, after pissing, this bathroom attendant said: you can't be here. and i was washing my hands so i was like: okay. he handed me paper towels and i left. that was really funny. honestly i think i feel basically good about that because i honestly feel like after i dance a lot at a concert and am all sweaty i have to be pretty uggo and like, not fishy anymore. i guess he thought i was, or something.

i'm reminded now, i kept thinking, watching yasuko use her midi control pad thing to play the drums / do fills and things, that she was giving mother. i felt it really deeply, it is a conviction, it's a river that ran through me my whole life and i've found it, in the crust of the earth, people who dig under their houses and find subterranean pools and streams. it's been a long time since i'd really listened to melt banana, they were there since hs for me though, it had the dust of excavation about it, hearing lost parts stinging me so cold was really incredible, a perfectly simple riff just driven so hard it absorbs you into it, or something, that song is an ideal of music.

even her voice, it was faintly there, maybe that's cuz i was so close and the guitars were so loud, which was fine cuz i was wearing earplugs (obv) but seeing her saying things and not hearing added a lot, they were there somewhere, or the effort to communicate and the willingness to get lost in the mess was really perfect, it matched the music, both of them were so happy performing, when i got there i was worried they were both not happy, or something, i dunno. idk why, but agata was wearing his mask and yasuko was sitting at the merch table stonefaced. they seemed genuinely happy onstage though, the whole time i saw agata's eyes smiling.

such a violent joy, i want violent joy always and forever.

we did hang out with my friends after, my friend's gf got super wasted and had to sleep and i talked with my friend about his music, i read him this hilarious thing another friend wrote in his notes app that i read to everyone but i won't read to you probably ever, sorry. it's this insanely goofy rap he wrote, goofy isn't the right word but the right word is really cruel and i feel like i don't want to be cruel right now. i just want to feel like this always, a weight lifted from my back and a soreness in its place, the soreness an etching onto my body of having been somewhere and having done something.

[xellandria]

tw: death

My father died sometime last night.  My mom woke me up at around 4:20 (blaze it?), after she found him, ran around in a panic for a bit (her words), and called 911.  I’d only gone to sleep a couple hours earlier, and neither of us had checked on him until then (he went to bed much earlier than the two of us ever do) so it’s hard to say when it would have happened; we might learn more later, or we might not.  I’m not actually sure how much more information we’ll get—or want, really—when whatever examination happens happens, or if there will be an examination/autopsy/whatever.  All I know about that kind of thing comes from media, and it’s always convenient for media to have an autopsy.

About nine months ago, he was out on a hike and slid down some scree and hurt his back in some way.  Prior to the whole pandemic, he’d been going through all sorts of various treatments and tests to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it, but he’d been in pain for a while.  Supposedly it was at least getting a little better with time—mom says he hadn’t taken his pain meds for the last fifteen days or so—but it was definitely there, and he hadn’t been exercising much (if at all) as a result, and gained a lot of weight from the inactivity.

About a week ago, he started coughing and having trouble breathing, and apparently was having issues sleeping as well.  He called his doctor about it yesterday, and they had him go get tested for Covid.  The results for that won’t be back til Mondayish, but it’s sort of a moot point now, I suppose.  Well, partly moot—if he tested positive, mom and I definitely have to be a lot more nitpicky about our own health.  We’ve not been going out except as absolutely necessary, but I can’t help thinking that we did go to Walmart and Costco on the 16th and while he was wearing a mask of some sort on that trip, his mask procedure was not the best and that was about a week ago.  That’d be a little fast for Covid symptoms I think, but maybe?

I don’t know.  I wasn’t hearing much about it (we’ve been on different tracks for the past week so I haven’t seen much of him) but when we were talking to various relatives about an hour ago, mom seemed to imply that it was a lot of trouble breathing—which makes me ask why he didn’t do something about it if it was really that bad, but that’s not something I can or should ask at this point; I can’t ask him and giving her more to agonize about or regret is absolutely pointless (I still beat myself up on bad days for not being sterner about getting Emmett to a vet when I knew he wasn’t fully right, and he died like five or six years ago at this point; I absolutely do not want to inflict that kind of thing on my mother about her husband, for god’s sake, and I didn’t push harder for my own health and safety when I was having heart issues last year until I finally caved and went to the ER; I could have made that trip a lot sooner too instead of fucking around with my doctor half-ignoring me and limply running tests for six months).

Because it’s just me and mom out here on this coast, we’re probably not going to have a funeral.  Things would probably be different if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic (his sisters might want something, I don’t think we thought to ask), but they can’t come out here and we can’t go over there and neither of us really want to deal with it.  She knew his preferences (at least for disposal—he wanted to be cremated) so we’ve got that under control, at least.

I’m sure it’s partly shock, but I definitely feel guilty as hell that I’m glad that the pandemic is giving us a good excuse to not have a funeral.  Maybe he would have wanted one?  I don’t know.  I know my own preferences (only if my survivors need it for themselves; I don’t believe in ghosts or anything like that, but the idea of death and corpses and such spooks me something awful and funerals and burials and such are obviously the worst for that) and mom was the one who said no when I asked her if she wanted one (though maybe I should ask again when we’re both less shocky).  If the dead do exist beyond death in some capacity, I hope he understands that it’s not that we don’t love him... but that’s a lot of money and time and mental energy for a lot of pomp and circumstance that doesn’t make... well, I was going to say “doesn’t make anybody feel better” but someone must get comfort from that kind of thing, even if I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone who has.

There’s a lot of unknowns right now.  Dad was the one who handled all the household finances and I know he never went over it all with me, and I got the impression that he and mom never got around to it either (though we both mentioned that it was something we’d been thinking about, it’s obviously too late now).  Mom’s worried about the taxes, and what bills are on auto-pay and all that, and it’s going to be a nightmare to go through his computer and phone and make sure all that stuff is handled... but that’s not today’s worry.  I mean, I almost wish it was—it’d give me something to do now that we’re done talking to the EMTs and the police and the people from the funeral home and calling the relatives (and before I work up the nerve to call his old work friend, who is the only other person I can think of that deserves to know), but it’s also not something to walk into with two hours of sleep and a broad-but-vague understanding of how to access the data, but not what to do with it.

I haven’t cried yet, and I feel guilty about that too (though again, I’m putting it down to shock).  Cat death/injury is so triggering to me that I burst into tears nearly at the mention/thought of it, but my own father is gone and I’m just sitting at my computer, typing out a lengthy essay about how I want to consider myself a piece of shit for it, but I know it’s all part of the process, etc. etc.  I remember when my parents woke me up to tell me my maternal grandmother had died, I definitely cried then (and was angry) so I know it’s possible for me to feel things, or was at one point.  I’m sure the depression isn’t helping (and the fact that I think my med dosage may not be good enough anymore).

I’m sort of glad for the pandemic too, for the social distancing and masks that all the strangers that came to our home at 4-6am were wearing because I haven’t taken a shower in a couple days and I am disgusting and unshaved, but hopefully they didn’t notice.  At least they didn’t comment on it in my hearing, so I can maybe hopefully pretend.

Anyway.  I’m currently distracting myself by writing this out, but there’s not much more I want to say at this point.  I’ve posted out of my guild’s raids indefinitely for the moment (it was the first thing I did after I got out of bed while we were waiting for the EMT, and the second was tweet about it; my priorities are so fucked, y’all).  I don’t really know whether I’ll be able to stay on top of D&D—it’s only once a week, it’s a much smaller group of people who are much less likely to make some sort of unthinking or triggering remark (frankly, the idea of listening to my guild leader and some of the non-raiders talk about their jobs as doctors/upcoming medical practitioners is absolutely not what I need in my life right now, and I can’t tell 19+ other people to watch every word that comes out of their mouths or from their fingers above and beyond the guild rules because it might make the baby cry (or tilt her off the face of the earth)... but I can probably get away with asking only four other people to do that) and it’s not like we’re doing much where there might be schedule conflicts.  I’m gonna have to tell them for sure (well, Naha knows cos he follows me on twitter, and Kattii might cos she also follows me but I’m not sure if she keeps up with her timeline, but I don’t think the others do).  I should definitely not isolate myself entirely—I don’t know a lot right now, but I know that’s a real bad idea no matter how depressed I was before this happened—so I may keep the D&D up.

I’m not sure if I should go to the Sunday Jaina runs or not, since I won’t really be part of the prog team and shouldn’t take mounts out of the mouths of people who will actually be around.  I already felt kinda guilty about going to last week’s when I’d posted out of raid for mental health reasons (and had missed the week before’s entirely for same).  I dunno.  I’ve got a day and change to think about that one, and what I want to do with myself.

Oh, and M+ is a thing too isn’t it, fuck me.  I dunno.  If I do Jaina and I do D&D, I should probably at least do the M+ too; it’s only one or two runs a week even if it has been stressful because we’ve been scrambling for a filler every week for a few months now (Intol’s been wrapped up in the whole pandemic thing on his side of life, and none of us have had the time or energy to find a consistent/reliable filler until he’s ready to come back).  At least I have a good excuse to not be the one scrambling for that weekly filler anymore, eh? lol :T  That’s also a small group size so that should be all right.  Jaina will be touchy for the larger group size reason too actually, now that I think about it (although I can probably get away with not being on discord for most of the run).

I dunno.  I’m rambling now, and now I’m also rambling at Naha in DMs so maybe I should stop rambling in at least one location.