#arent you TIRED of sitting around doing nothing

[lesbianfakir]

For anyone who missed when I talked about this, I’m organizing a low stakes mini zine for princess tutu. Soley because our tag is SO EMPTY rn and I want to generate an event in the fandom.

Planning for a tentative release in September so it can be like a fun summer tutu event but I’m workshopping this with a friend who knows more about zines than I do—release date can be pushed back if needed.

Any and all contributors are welcome (since it’ll be a pdf I don’t foresee needing a set page count so anything goes) though I will be checking in with everyone to make sure their pitches are appropriate for the zine (and by that I mean do NOT make me look at the teenagers having hardcore sex pls and thank you)

Finally I wanted to throw this out there:

Feel free to send me your ideas on how to make this a fun event for everyone. Whether that’s gamifying it by like assigning people teams or giving out silly rewards (I desperately want to make an ultimate #fakirgirl badge/sticker for our bravest soldiers) or I don’t know, making themed sections of the zine so we have a part where people say pick a fairytale they like to theme their piece around. We’re in the planning phase so no idea is a bad idea

I just want this to be a fun, collaborative project so we can come together as a fandom and enjoy a show we love

[shaddy-bee]

Why is it all so hard.

[choerrysjubiles]

Baby Fever pt 4

pairing: husband!eunseok x fem!reader

warning: pregnancy symptoms (no throwing up! yuck!), smut! oral, fingering, brief mentions of food and eating

wc: 3.6k

a/n: that pic of eunseok 😵‍💫 anyways! i lied abt not writing a solo fic for today hehehe wrote this asap :]

i also did some research 👩🏻‍🏫 so these depictions of pregnancy arent gonna be perfect, as i've never had a baby, but i do hope its accurate enough while still being enjoyable :D

While you had yet to see any sign of pregnancy, you sure have felt it. You were grateful to not have the horrible morning sickness but the heartburn and water retention weren’t in your favor. You didn’t have to do much to feel the burning sensation in your chest.

Even after eating you could feel that heat return to your chest. Well fed or not, you could hold food down but never escape the tight, burning sensation.

Drinking water or not, you always felt like you were dehydrated. Constantly drinking water and liquids even after gulping down cups of water. Iced, flavored, plain water, even soda or teas. Nothing hydrated you. Your throat always having a faint dryness or your brain telling you “Get a glass.”

But the most interesting sensation was the quickening. Feeling that light flutter inside of you was unique to say the least. Feeling your child move inside you, a small hello to you. You remember exactly where you were: washing your face before getting ready for the day. You felt incredibly tired and needed a slight perk up for your day. Leaning over your sink as you cupped and drenched your face with the cool water.

The fluttering sensation was indescribable. The lightest amount of pressure before two gentle kicks. It easily could’ve been mistaken for your stomach rumbling from hunger or anxiety but you were entirely sure it was your baby.

You kept that small moment to yourself, eventually feeling more of it later that week. It really grounded you, remembering all the stress and worries of hormonal therapy washed away the more you felt these rhythmic beats. It both grounded you as well as sober you, making sure to eat healthy and exercise for the baby. You even began tracking what parts of your baby are being developed.

As soon as the weekend rolled around, feeling yourself relax in your duvet in the Saturday sunlight, you felt it again.

“Eunseok.” You turned to him.

“What’s wrong?” He began sitting up, worried you were in pain.

“I can feel them.” You smiled, wide eyes staring up at him.

“Huh?” Eunseok stared at you, dumbfounded.

He pushed the duvet off and pressed his ear to your stomach, rolling your shirt up to be skin to skin with you. He listened carefully, feeling the faintest flutter against your stomach. A boyish smile plastered his face as he pressed further into your stomach, ear against your shirt as he gently talked to them.

“You’re really in there?” He laughed in disbelief.

Leaning up, Eunseok kissed you, holding your face as he peppered your cheeks and jaw with kisses. Overjoyed with the knowledge of having a baby, really having one.

Pulling away, he smiled at you.

“I didn’t think I’d be this happy.”

“Me neither.” You laughed.

“No, really. I’m so happy, not just about the baby, but with you. You’re-” He paused for a moment, “You’re genuinely the best thing to happen to me and I’m so glad we waited to have a baby. To spend so much time with you and to have something we can both love.”

His eyes grew glossy, same as yours, as you heard every word he spoke.

“I’m glad we waited, too. I’m glad we’re both so excited over this.” You leaned in and wiped one of his tears away.

“I can’t quite find the words I want to say,” Eunseok confesses, “but I’m glad you still understand.”

You leaned in and kissed him.

“Of course.” You comfort him.

He wrapped his arms around you, “You’re gonna be a milf!”

Bursting into laughter, you feel him pull you onto the bed. His grip, soft but strong, keeping you tied into his arms as you relaxed together.

A sweet memory passing by as you stretched awake. Oh yeah, the other symptom: tiredness. God, you’re tired. Sleeping doesn’t even do anything as you’re constantly tired. Tired and need to pee.

Swinging your leg over the edge of the bed, you sat up, careful to not move too fast as you walked towards your bathroom. Walking in, you made sure to hold onto the counter while walking over to the toilet.

Sitting down, you sighed out, feeling a light sway in your head. How were pregnant people supposed to be both dizzy and hyperactive? Why did you want to exercise but also feel the room sway around. Insane.

You walked back to your bed, holding onto the walls and dresser as you waddled over. That felt exhausting. You lie back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling while it felt that the room began to spin. Before you knew it you were slipping into a nap.

Waking up from your impromptu nap, you heard Eunseok walk into the bedroom.

“Welcome home, honey.” You say, groggily sitting up.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, walking over to you.

“Fine, just a little dizzy.”

He pet your head, “It’s not bad, though?”

“No, way better than last week.” You laughed.

He leaned in, kissing your forehead, “That’s good to hear.”

“Oh, this weekend is another check up.”

“Another?”

Eunseok was walking towards your closet, shrugging off his coat as he changed into his home clothes.

“Yeah, they wanna see how large they’ve grown and to see more blood work.”

“They want you in every week.” Eunseok pouted.

“That’s the price of parenthood.”

Eunseok did have a point, even with your doctor letting the time stretch a little farther most doctors want a check up every two or so weeks.

You felt the bed shift as Eunseok sat beside you. Your hand moved to his thigh as his arm wrapped around you, pulling you closer to him. Your hand rested there, letting the two of you relax in each other’s silence. The longer you laid their the more your fingers grew antsy.

While you were more than happy being spoiled by Eunseok, he was so adamant about not wanting to work or stress you out. Carefully planning when you had sex, always so slow, barely pleasuring him. You found yourself needy in the craziest ways.

Your hand slowly massaged along his thigh, feeling him move closer to your ear as he whispered, “What are you doing?”

“I miss you.” You smiled up at him.

“I bet.”

Your hand moved up, going from above his knee to around his inner thigh. His hand covered yours as he tried stopping you.

“Did you not want me to-”

“I’d love it if you jerked me off, but you’re pregnant, honey.”

“And?”

He stayed silent, letting your hand go as you crept higher up. You moved over to kiss Eunseok, him relaxing into the bed as you moved onto his lap. Leaning by his ear.

“Did you not want me to touch you?”

“No, I just don’t want you to overexert yourself.” He kissed your neck.

You leaned your head against his shoulder, letting your hand move to palm his hardening dick. You kissed the exposed skin around his collar as you rubbed his inner thighs and hip bones. Eunseok pulled at his shirt’s neckline, feeling everything beginning to suffocate him.

“Can I?” You ask.

“Can you what?” Eunseok asked back, feeling his cheeks radiate with heat.

“I miss him.” You whisper against his ear, “I miss him in my mouth.”

You swore you hated blowing him a few months ago. Feeling the painful burn in your jaw, trying to not gag on him while his hips buck upwards, feeling the soreness afterwards, forced to swallow a load of cum.

“I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“You’re not gonna.” You laugh.

“Please?” You ask, staring up at Eunseok.

Eunseok thought for a moment, his dick was hard and straining against his underwear but he swore he never wanted you to do any work while pregnant.

“Go ahead.”

You grinned before moving down. Pushing his shirt up while shrugging his sweatpants down. Eunseok kicked his sweats off as you palmed him through his underwear, slowly teasing him before pulling them off.

His dick flung upwards, his red tip beginning to leak as you took him into your hand, slowly jerking him as Eunseok’s head fell back.

“Feel good?” You looked up at him.

“Yeah.” He sighed out.

You leaned down, pressing a kiss to his head before kissing down his underside. Your head fell to your side, hair almost tickling his thigh, as you continued kissing down to his base. You flicked your tongue out, licking along his shaft and balls as Eunseok felt a moan slip out of him.

“Keep going.” He pleaded.

You licked up his dick until you wrapped your lips around his head. His precum hit your tongue and you cherished the taste that you’d been practically banned from. You gave a small suck before lick along his head, feeling yourself groan around his girth before suctioning around him and popping off. You let a string of saliva drip onto his head and down his shaft before massaging it in.

“You taste so good, baby.” You said, seeing his cheeks turn a shade darker.

“I do?” He asked.

“So good.” You gave him another lick, making him shudder. “So good and you’ve kept me from this for so long.”

With his dick a little wetter, you began sucking, bobbing up and down before sinking as far as you could go. Eunseok gripped onto the bedsheets, staring down at you before throwing his head back.

Bobbing up, you took a deep breath before sinking down and sucking tightly around his length. You slowly went up and down before moving your hand to grip and jerk his base.

“Ah.” Eunseok moaned.

You bobbed as much as you could before lifting yourself back up, hand still jerking him as you caught your breath. You leaned down, sucking onto the sensitive skin near his thighs. Moving over you kissed and sucked onto his base while your hand circled around his tip. Your grip tightened before jerking up and down his length.

Reattaching your lips, you continued bobbing as you heard his moans become needier.

“There, there. Fuck, right there.”

You sucked harder around him, slowing and trying to get as close to his base as you could.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum.”

You felt yourself moan at his words, his hips bucking up into your mouth at the vibrations.

“Get off, quick.”

He lifted your head off of his dick before your hand wrapped around his length, squeezing and jerking him before he began cumming. Your tongue licking along his head, letting his cum shoot into your mouth as his orgasm hit him.

You swallowed his cum, forgetting how much you loved this. Your tongue dragged along his head, trying to drink up as much as you could before you had to pull away.

Eunseok breathed heavily, feeling himself slowly come back from his orgasm. His eyes heavy lidded and breath ragged as he pulled you upwards. You leaned in to kiss him, feeling his plush lips melt against yours as he turned you onto your back.

Eunseok kissed down to your chin and neck before descending further. All you could do was relax into the bedding.

Kissing across your stomach and down to your shorts, Eunseok slowly peeling them off and down your legs, lifting and folding one leg to display your pussy for him. He leaned in, kissing along your thighs and pubic bone before licking a broad stripe upwards.

“Eunseok.” You moaned, your hands moving to lace themselves into his hair.

He savored your taste, flicking at your clit before giving another slow, agonizing lick from your entrance to your clit. You felt your hips buck upwards, wanting more from him as he held them down into the mattress.

He gave another slow lick but this time he teased along your entrance, almost trying to push his tongue inside before moving up and closing his lips around your clit. Your back began arching, your fingers gripping onto his hair a little tighter before relaxing and attempting to smooth his hair.

One hand moved away from your hips, slowly trailing down and rubbing your clit while he lapped at the juices dripping out of you.

“Eunseok.”

He traded places, tongue flicking and pressing into your clit while two fingers pushed into your core. Your head pressed into your pillow, your throat felt dry with your sighing and moaning as Eunseok slowly pumped his fingers into you.

“Keep going.” You begged.

Eunseok continued, slow but strong pumps into your core as his tongue lapped and prodded at your clit until he felt with switching again. Fingers rubbing tight circles against your clit while his tongue lapped at your entrance. And before you knew it, he’d switch again.

You slowly felt that hot coil in your core become tighter and tighter, Eunseok paid no mind to your condition, he was practically in heaven while he was between your legs.

“Eunseok, right there.” Your eyes were shut tight, your words between gritted teeth, you were so close you needed just a little more.

He sped up, fingers pumping quickly inside you as his tongue pushed and ground against your clit as your felt that knot bust.

“Ah!” You moaned, feeling yourself freeze in place before slowly relaxing against the bed.

You felt Eunseok pull his fingers out, lapping at your core almost in a frenzy. When he’d had his fill, Eunseok fell back onto his pillow looking over at you.

“Thank you.” You smiled at him.

“Of course, baby.” He smiled, “I’m sorry I’d been neglecting you.”

You laughed lightly, “Not neglecting but you’re just so worried about me doing things.”

You two laid in a comfortable silence for some time, calming down, Eunseok remembered he needed to pick up some things for dinner.

“I’ll cook tonight.” He said.

“You’ve been cooking every night, I’ll be fine. We can even cook together.” You offered, putting your clothing back on.

“Okay.”

After relaxing a bit more, you both walk out to Eunseok’s car. He was insistent these days to drive you everywhere not wanting you to lift a finger during your pregnancy.

Arriving, you both step out. You grabbed a handheld basket as you both began walking around.

“What did we need?” You ask.

“Some veggies, some extra soup broth, oh we’ve been getting low on napkins.”

You nod, both walking towards the vegetable section. You grab at your ingredients, looking at the other veggies and picking up some fruit to have later. You grab at a plastic bag before tying and setting it in your basket.

Looking over, you see Eunseok staring at you, a soft smile on his face as he watches you.

“Are you okay?” You ask.

“Fine, you’re just very pretty.”

You smile as your playfully swat his arm.

Making your way throughout the store, you grab at the items on the list, picking up some extras for around the house and a few new snacks you’ve wanted to try.

Arriving home, you both set your bags onto your kitchen counter. Putting things up while leaving your broths and veggies out. You grabbed at your apron before prepping the veggies.

“Here.” Eunseok stopped you.

Walking behind you, he carefully gathered your hair and tied it into a ponytail before getting a soup pot out.

“Thank you.” You smiled at him.

He kissed your cheek in return.

You gathered the vegetables before rinsing and washing them, grabbing at a cutting board and a knife, you began chopping your veggies while you heard Eunseok begin heating the pot.

You glanced over at him, pouring a bit of oil to sear some beef before adding the soup stock. You walked over to him, dropping in some potatoes and carrots before letting the pot sit.

“Can you believe people have trouble in marriage?”

You chuckle at his question, “It’s so easy.”

“All you have to do is make soup.” He laughs.

“And you, Mr. Song, are quite healthy.”

Eunseok stared in shock at the doctor, “Me?” He pointed to himself.

“Yes.” She smiled, “Pregnancy symptoms are related to the father’s health: healthy men, smooth pregnancies.”

“Thank you.” Eunseok said, wondering if that is something he should be thankful for.

“Thank you,” You said, “I’d hate to be having a rough pregnancy the first go around.”

Your doctor chuckled before going on, “Your bloodwork is good, a little low on iron but ultimately good. Your other tests came back well, no infections or diseases. Your stomach as grown a little, not terribly much but it’s around the usual length.”

“Low iron?” Eunseok asked.

“Yes, add more greens into your diet. Kale, spinach, broccoli. Iron dense veggies are the easiest.” She explained, “Oh, your breast exam came back well, no lumps or changes, do you feel any discharge or swelling?”

“No, not that I’m aware of.”

She nodded, “Good, now we can move onto your favorite part.”

She pulled out the untrasound gel and the wand. You felt yourself sigh in relief, lifting your shirt and laying against the table as she slowly showed your baby. They were quite small, still growing and developing, but you could still see them. You felt yourself smile as you saw them through the little screen.

Eunseok held your hand, his eyes glued to the screen even as you looked over at him.

“Your baby has grown, much easier to see compared to the little bean it was before.”

You laughed, “When are we able to see the sex of the baby?”

“Soon, we might be able to see now but it won’t be 100% accurate.”

You both nodded.

“Did you want to know?”

You turn to Eunseok, “Did we?” You ask.

Eunseok is lost for words, “I don’t know.”

“I’ll give you some time to think on it, we can check next check up if you’d like.”

You both nod as she helps clean you off before discharging you.

As you walk out to Eunseok’s car, your thoughts are stuck repeating that scene. Did you want to know the sex? It really doesn’t matter, they’re still your child regardless of what sex they are.

“Are you alright, y/n?”

You look up from your thoughts, “Yeah, just, uhm.” You collect yourself for a moment. “Did you want to know the sex?”

Eunseok sits back in the driver’s seat, “I don’t know.”

You nod, “I don’t mind but I also don’t really care.”

“Yeah.” Eunseok nods.

“It’d be convenient but it’s not a priority.”

“We can always wait til the birth.” Eunseok grabs your hand.

“Yeah,” You smile, squeezing his hand, “I’d like that.”

The drive was smooth, Eunseok always making sure to take surface streets to limit any amount of stress on you. You’d usual protest against his worries but it had it’s upsides: the view was more scenic with more things to focus on, drives took a little longer so you could listen to more music together, more impromptu stops towards certain shops or sighting restaurants to try later.

As you get home, you saw your neighbors watering their flower beds. As you and Eunseok waved over to them as you walked up to your door, your neighbor called out.

“Y/n, is that a baby bump?”

You felt yourself laughing, “And how could you see that from all the way over there? Our doctor can barely see it from inside her office.”

Your neighbor, Amber, made her way over.

“Well she must not have the baby vision I do, now let me see.”

Amber began inspecting you, seeing the tiniest lump forming from the usual curve of your stomach.

“How far along are you?” She asked.

“About 15 or so weeks, starting our second trimester.”

“Are you excited?” She asked.

“Extremely.” You smiled.

“I’m so sorry, I should leave you two.” She began walking back to her lawn, “But let me know any updates! I can’t wait to meet your baby.”

You laughed as you made your way inside, “We will, every check up!”

You saw her put a hand to her heart smiling.

Closing the door, “Everyone is so obsessed with babies.” Eunseok states.

You lean against the door, “Horribly so.”

“All we are, are some baby making machine.”

“Let’s hope they have this same energy for the baby showers.”

“Showers?”

“Yeah, first is the pregnancy shower, then a baby shower, we can even do a gender reveal.”

Eunseok followed you as you made your way to your living room, “And why so many showers?”

“To be showered with gifts.” You sat down.

“Ah, I understand now.”

“They are gonna make such a stink about me being pregnant and making friends for their kids, the least they could do is give some gifts the way we did for their pregnancies.”

“Didn’t Mandy have 5 showers?”

You nodded, “She had a smaller and larger pregnancy announcement, a baby shower, a gender reveal, and some parties post-birth.”

“And no one thought that was crazy.”

“Oh they did,” You remembered all the comments your friends made about her, “at least other mothers made comments.”

“Imagine if she had twins.”

You began laughing, wide eyed as you pictured the scenes, “Thank god she didn’t.”

You sat down, feeling your energy spent from your doctor’s visit. You leaned over to grab the water bottle from your purse, taking a drink as Eunseok sat beside you.

“We’re gonna need to make a baby registry.” He thinks out loud.

“You think someone can buy a stroller?” You ask.

“Maybe, more likely to buy too many diapers.”

“We’re going to need to take parent classes.” You note.

“We’re gonna have pregnancy friends.” Eunseok pulls you to his chest.

“We might even have hospital friends.”

“And daycare friends.” He lays his head against yours.

“And our baby will make friends and we’ll be friends with even more parents.”

“So many parent friends.” Eunseok chuckles.

“It’d be nice, though.”

“It would.”

[god-syndicate-if]

So this totally doesn’t have anything to do with my irl drama, but how would the ROs react if they saw MC get their feelings crushed by someone they liked?

Eyyy, It's been a while since I answered RO asks like these so I'll do that for now since I'm not able to write at the moment and these are always fun. Also good luck with the heartbreak! Eat some bread and cry!

So this is written by me assuming they're in a crushing stage.

Riley: Kinda avoids you like the plague for a bit. And eventually they'll come around and try to make you feel better by including you in activities and conversations even if its clear you'd rather not. They're not great at comforting sad people. If they didn't have feelings for you then they'd just leave the moment you started crying.

Franco: Arm around you, dresses you up, takes you out to party with him for a long time. Like you guys start at 5pm, and only at 5am when you're exhausted (and probably drunk, if you're into that) does he sit you down and force you to talk about it. It would be a very nice talk, the type you can only have when you're too tired to really explain everything. But he'd get it and by the end you'd feel like you lost a weight in you.

Sigourney: Comfort food and comfort films at home. She will be absolutely furious that someone would hurt you and would be more than willing to absolutely talk shit about them, in fact she'd encourage it.

Dame: Honestly is probably extremely bad at this. They'd be secretly delighted that you'll probably be moving on now. Their attitude towards you in the open won't change much. Honestly the only time they'd actually do something comforting (when they arent in a relationship with you) is if they actually catch you in a vulnerable moment. Either crying, or close to it. They'll stand/sit vaguely next to you and say nothing at all. They are the least equipped to deal with emotions.

Rebel: Does the standard "want me to kill them for you" routine before deciding that what you need is to take your mind off your heartbreak and gladly volunteers themselves to "help" you. Rebel would probably actively make things worse for your emotions, tbh. Not intentionally, I don't think. But they are a bit selfish and this is an opportunity if there ever was one.

Harper: Has seen your heart broken before and knows the steps you need to move on quickly. The type of person to go through your messages with you and basically map out how much of a scumbag the other person was, all while hyping you up of course. They do this same routine over the course of a few days because they know that repetition will make you remember it and internalize it.

[linskywords]

(Hi its me prev anon. Circling back bc this idea has wormed its way inside my head. Sorry for the venti sized rant!)

Toff teaching Will about bondage ("Kibble its way easier than holding him down. Here let me show you.") With the added bonus that having something for Mack to pull against sends him down even quicker. Maybe he shows Will this one knot that tightens when you pull but loosens when you dont (and when Mack finds out Will can literally see the haze in his eyes). Mack has a habit of saying "make me" and Will learns just how fun it is to actually make him do stuff.

Will learns how effective orgasm denial is with Mack. At 18 years old, not being able to get off at least once a day is basically a death sentence (in Mack's mind anyways). Although he definitely needs to be stronger about saying no to Mack. Will would have definitely caved when Mack plastered himself to Will's side, mouthed at his neck, and promised him anything and everything if he would just let Mack grind against him until he came. Thank God Toff was there to yank Mack back by the hair and pin his hips to the wall and say "you'll get nothing until Will decides you deserve it."

Or how he teaches Will how to spank Mack. Its very important, since Mack has a giant ass and likes to act out when he doesnt get enough attention as sure as the sun rises in the east. Will needs to be strategic about this. So Toff takes Mack over his lap (Will is tasked with holding his wrists down while getting a front row seat).

Mack is squirming and kicking his legs (a common problem they have according to Will) but Toff puts a stop to it immediately with three quick swats to Mack's inner thigh and pinches the pink skin until Mack relents.

Toff shows him how to vary his spanks so Mack doesn't know what's coming (the unpredictability also helps sends Mack down). If Will really wants to make an impact, he should focus on the sit spots and upper thighs.

(Will tries his best to take notes and be independent with his domming. But one day when Mack is borderline insufferable and Will just wants to take his nap, he calls Toff in. Mack shows up to optional skate that day with hastily fixed hair and a freshly beaten bottom radiating heat. The guys know by now not to stare or ask questions)

But Toff's biggest point is the aftercare. If the morons are going to mess around, they need to know about aftercare and how to do it well. Plus he can tell Will needs it just as much as Mack. He makes Mack go gather water and protein bars before they do anything. He gives Will recommendations on the best cream to soothe any rope marks and spanked areas.

Even when Toff is demonstrating a spanking on Mack and why bratting will absolutely not be tolerated, he's always directing Will to sit up against the bed so he can deposit a sniveling Mack in his lap. Thankfully Will doesnt need any pointers here. His arms wrap around Mack automatically while he coaxes water at him and he coos sweet nothings at Mack until his cries slow into hiccups and he drifts off.

(Bonus: Toff explaining this all to Cat over dinner one night. Cat makes a joke about the new eye bags Toff seems to have and he replies with "the two rookies are tiring me out." And Cat smirks and says "arent you glad you had a brat like me? Now you can put all that experience to good use")

You know, I think this can stand on its own. :D

[jaidens]

omg wait bradley introducing his gf to his parents (obvs in an au where goosie poo and carol arent dead <33a0 PLS AND TYSM ML <3333333333333333333333333333

there ain't a thing a man can do she'll only love you for you

pairing [s] : bradley bradshaw x reader

warning [s] : nothing!

a/n [s] : dal lives for requesting brad [requests are open!]

“Brad,” You say above the music that plays on the radio. “I’m worried. Who says they'll like me? I mean, these are your parents.”

Bradley looks over to you, hand stopping the tapping movement on your thigh. His Ray-Bans cover his eyes, but you can tell he's looking at you. “Baby, just be yourself. My mom said she's tired of hearing the stories about you, and how ‘wonderful’ you already seem. I promise it will be fine.”

When the large, suburban Bradshaw home comes in your sight, you feel the pit in your stomach start to fill with worry. “Are you ready?” Bradley asks.

You nod and he shuts the engine off and gets out of the car, and you follow slightly after and grab your purse and phone. There are about fifteen cars parked in the driveway and on the edge of the road, as well as in the grass. You knew it was a family reunion, but not this big of a reunion. You connect your hands with Bradley’s and scoot closer to him.

He takes you up the stairs and knocks on the door. There are some small Halloween and fall decorations on the wrap around porch on each pole. You're zoned out on the porch decor when you hear it. “Bradley! Hello honey!” An older woman's voice captures your attention and you give her a large smile.

She has Bradley in her arms before she takes you in. “Oh, you must be Y/N! You are so beautiful. You are just the sweetest! Come inside!” Her hand pushes you both in and you look around at everyone mingling, children running around, and right in the middle of everything stands Nick Bradshaw.

“Here, why don't you come and meet my dumb husband Nick. Now, we have both been dying to meet you. Bradley never seems to shut his mouth about you, I already love you from what he's told me.” Carole is practically dragging you too, and Bradley shrugs his shoulders and follows after his mother.

“Bradley! There's my boy!” A loud obnoxious shout fills your ears. You smile when Nick hugs Bradley in his arms, and shakes him around. He looks almost identical to Bradley, with thinner hair and the fact he was greying. “And you must be?” He turns and lets go of him, and shakes your hand.

“Y/N. I’m Bradley’s girlfriend.” When you say it, he shouts a yell and kicks his feet around. You can't tell how a man in his sixties can somehow do all of this, but you're smiling and laughing.

“Oh! You are one pretty catch! It is really nice to meet you!” Nick puts his arm around Carole and tugs her into his chest. She hits it playfully and lets Nick kiss her.

“Isn’t she just beautiful?”

“Bradley has good taste, just like his father.” Nick jokes and Bradley laughs. The atmosphere is warm and the worries start to disappear. Bradley stays close to you and he interacts with cousins, aunts, uncles, and others.

—

“I told you it would be fine.” Bradley told you later, handing you a water as you flipped through old baby pictures and other pictures from his childhood. He sits down next to you and covers an embarrassing picture with his hand. You look up and smile at him, and he kisses you on the tip of your nose and travels to your lips with soft pecks.

“I know. I've also been invited to brunch with your mom.”

[loser4loserswhok1ll]

Something like dying.

Donnie Darko x Reader.

includes:

reader x character relationship, gender neutral reader, ooc

warnings: angst, mentions of death, mentions of mental illness, deep discussion of dark topics, explicit language

"Dont you dare touch me with that, dude." You backed up as Donnie threatened you with a slug hanging onto the tip of a small stick. He chased you, obviously holding back on getting you to make you a little more on edge. You hopped over the old dirty couch in the middle of the clearing and yelled at Donnie to knock his shit off. "Aw cmon y/n, its just a slug. these things are everywhere even when you dont know it." As he speaks his final word he tosses the stick at you and you tumble out of the way with a small scream. "Darko, im gonna beat your ass." Your eyes lock in on him, like hes a target and youre on the hunt, and you run around the corner of the couch to tackle him onto it. You fall over onto the couch in a mess of limbs and accidentally elbow him right in his ribcage. He lets out a pained grunt and you sit up, hands covering your face, and apologizing. "Its alright, im good." Despite his hand grabbing his rib in pain, he chuckles at your reaction and smiles. "Im sorry, I really didnt mean to actually beat your ass." You climb off of him in a sort of messy manner and reach a hand out to help him up. He takes your hand and instead of getting up, he throws you down onto the floor in front of the couch. You grunt and smack him lightly but lay your head back against the cushion. You guys sit like that for some time. Silent, only listening to the sound of distant neighborhood bustle and your own breaths mixing with the wind.

"Donnie." He looks down at you from his laying position, a brow slightly cocked. "Yeah? What?" You turn a little to face him, an arm now resting on the couch where your head was. "You've been off lately. More than usual. Have you been taking your meds?" A look of genuine concern washes over your features, and Donnie lets out a small half-chuckle half-scoff. "Donnie. Be serious." He looks at you and sighs, looking up the sky and squinting. "They arent doing anything." He mumbles it almost like a toddler. "So you arent taking them at all?" You roll your eyes in disbelief. "No im taking them. But. I dont- I dont know." He rubs his face with his hands and groans. "Nothings going away." He looks at you, a sort of desperate, tired look. "What is it like?" You speak without thinking. He stays silent for a second. "It feels... I dont know whats real. I sometimes think even youre fake and everyones just lying about knowing you so I dont freak out." He lets out a pathetic chuckle at that, but you dont. You stay silent as you watch him. "Its like... You know when you have a dream, and in that dream you wake up from another dream, but youre still dreaming? You never actually woke up?" You nod. "Thats how it feels to live. It feels something like i imagine death feels like. Pin flashes of every life youve lived coming at you at once. It feels like dying. I feel like im dying everyday." You listen intently, silently, painfully. "Something like dying." You murmur under your breath. "Youre not dying yet, Donnie. Not yet." You turn back around and let your head fall back onto the cushion, eyes closed and up to the sky. "I know im not. But its something close."

You sat in silence for some time before Donnie spoke up again. "Do you ever think of how your name would sound with mine?" You turn to him and open your eyes confused. "What do you mean?" He sits up on his elbows to face you, holding eye contact like he usually does. "Y/n Darko. Donnie y/l/n. Have you ever thought of that?" You furrow your brows and let out a breath. "Is this your way of proposing to me, Donnie?" He looks away with a smile and his cheeks glow a growing red. "Its just.. Its just fun to think about. Thats all." You smile and reach up to grab his hand. "Nobodies playing a joke on you Donnie. Im real. Always have been." Your expression turns much more serious and you watch Donnies turn to a sort of desperate but hidden aching struggle. "I know you are. Just doesn't feel like it sometimes." You sit up onto your knees and hold his hand up to your lips, gently kissing his knuckles. "How do i make it feel like im real all the time?" He looks into your eyes, a glimmer of something unrecognizable in them. "Kiss me." The words come out of him without a second thought, and your actions do the same. You lean up and plant a gentle kiss on his terribly chapped lips. He grabs your shoulder and wraps an arm around it, sitting up to get closer to you. You pull away and hold his face. "Im real, Donnie. I always will be, I always have been." He pushes his lips to yours again and grabs your hair, his hand cradling the back of your head. "Youre the closest thing ill get to peace." He whispered against your lips, then holds you tight, tight like youll really dissappear at any second. It feels something like dying, and youre the closest to heaven he'll ever get.

[autohomoneurotic]

After School

ao3 link

“Sloane told me you bought a suit for graduation,” Gray shoots over Miguel’s shoulder. “Pretty badass.”

Sloane slings an arm around you and pulls you closer, plucking the cigarette out of your mouth and taking a drag. “I know, right? He looked so distinguished. Very gentlemanly.” Your heart all but stops in your chest and your smoke almost tumbles out of your mouth when Sloane tries to stick it back in. You brace for Miguel and Gray to give you both a weird look, or question her, or just do anything at all, but they do… absolutely nothing. They just smile and laugh and say they bet she’s right, and the moment passes. Like it was nothing. Which you suppose it was, really.

i got a lot of (for me) new followers because of my loserfication piece, sorry to disappoint but most of the pieces i post are chapters of a novella i'm writing called 'this thing i'm getting over'. it is about two girl ("girl") best friends named virgil and sloane growing up off the coast of washington state during the 2008 recession and realizing both of them wish they were both boys and what they do with that information while they graduate high school and start considering what exactly they want to do with their lives. most chapters are 'porn with plot' ,to use a fanfic term, but i'm moving more into plot heavy chapters, like this one- think of it as 'autohomoerotic literary fiction', to coin a phrase. i hope you'll read it if you like my writing, you can go back to previous chapters on my blog to find the ones with porn if you arent interested in lore, lol. anyway, here you go, sorry to shit up the forcemasc and aap/ahe tags with non-porn, it's more present in the other chapters as at its core it is a story about one friend forcing another friend to accept she wants to be a boy. i just want to get my work out there :]

(for clarity, although these characters are ftm, i use she/her pronouns for them as they aren't out or don't really get what they're feeling at this point in the story, and i find it more cohesive and interesting to refer to them with feminine pronouns to express the dissonance between their social position and clearly transmasculine interiority. when they accept themselves (or when they are having sex, for funsies) it will switch to he/him, i think that makes their transitions more meaningful in narrative context. if you don't like that then don't like don't read or whatever the fujos say)

When your graduating class is ninety people, your commencement tends to be more of an assembly than a ceremony. A ceremony would denote a stadium, seating assignments, maybe some sort of loudspeaker system to reach the parents in the nosebleeds; South Whidbey High School has none of that. You might find that disappointing if you weren’t so grateful for the tradeoff, which is that it takes all of an hour for it to be over.

You are standing on the side of a collapsible stage that was used by the middle school a week earlier for their own graduation ceremony (assembly), fidgeting with your cap in an attempt to make it look less stupid sitting on top of your hair. It is having a hard time staying on, seeing as to how it has to stretch over the thick headband your mother foisted on you before you left. You’re hungry, you’re tired, and you are almost unbearably hot in the itchy polyester gown under the June heat. But, you remind yourself, it is almost over, and soon you will be free. You were with the S’s, accompanied by Ethan Singer and Lainey Stewart, and you breezed past the T’s, the U’s, and the V’s- again, perks of a small class- and now, finally, you are at the W’s. And there is only one last name that starts with a W at South Whidbey High School.

Sloane is trying to catch her eye from where she stands across the platform. She’s leaning out of line, standing on her tiptoes and grinning in a way that borders on menacing as the measured applause for Lainey subsides and your principal clears his throat to read out the next name. You do not smile back, because you know why she is so excited.

Sloane has been planning what stupid thing she should do when she walks for going on three months now. She somehow got it into her head that this was a moment she simply couldn’t waste- ‘you only get to do it once!’ is what she had said, many times, with increasing insistence, and every time you have replied, ‘no, you only have to do it once,’ and then she flicks you on the arm and goes back to discussing what stunt she should pull with Andrew. You know it won’t be anything too crazy, but you also know that when she does it everyone will be looking at you and wondering what more you could have done to stop this.

Your principal barely gets the last syllable in ‘Webster’ out before Sloane is practically skipping across the stage to him, hand holding her cap onto her head. When he goes to shake her hand, she sticks hers out in return- and then takes it away at the last minute, sliding it up past her ear like she’s smoothing her hair. You guess she decided to go the down-low-too-slow route. You bow your head to hide your face behind your hair- and maybe a smile, despite yourself- and listen to the sound of exactly four people laughing. You can tell that it’s just the guys, if not from the sound than from the fact that no one else would find Sloane’s dumb stunts funny enough to dignify them with a reaction. When you look up she’s walking towards where you stand at the back of the line. You can see in her eyes that she is waiting for you to give her permission to be pleased with herself, so you give her your own small smile back as you grab her wrist when she passes by to pull her into line behind you.

“How was that? Did you see?” She’s whispering in your ear, hands on your shoulders as she shifts from foot to foot- Sloane is essentially unable to stand still if it is explicitly asked of her. You shrug her off and shush her, keeping your eyes forward as Alice and Ben Yang are called to walk. You continue ignoring her even as you can feel her start poking the small of your back, reaching behind yourself to grab her finger and trap it so she cuts it out. She’s attempting to take her hand back when the audience starts clapping and you take mercy on her, freeing it so you can put your hands together along with them.

You keep dodging Sloane’s attempts to get your attention for the next few minutes as your principal gives his closing remarks, about how poised and intelligent this class is, how proud he is to have served you for the past for years, that sort of thing, all the while batting her hands off your cap and resuming the blind tug-of-war between you and her finger until this ceremony (assembly) is finally, blessedly over. There’s one last round of applause- which Sloane obnoxiously joins in on, much too loudly- before everyone around you falls out and begins looking for their parents. You know there’s technically supposed to be some kind of recessional, where everyone stately walks off to orchestral music, but no one here is kidding themselves about that being necessary.

At last you turn to Sloane, and before you can say anything she’s already wrapping you in a hug and spinning you around.

“We’re finally free!” She’s saying as she lifts you up, repeating it a few times- “We’re free, we’re free, we’re free!” You wait for her to run out of steam and put you down before you hug her back.

“We’re free,” you repeat back gravely, smoothing the back of her gown and letting go, taking a look around. “Where’s Kim?”

Sloane points over to where her mother is chatting with a couple other parents, face in its characteristic under-impressed look. “Talking to the other hospital people. Where’d your parents run off to?”

“They told me they’d just wait in the car when the ceremony was over.” You parents are not big fans of ‘mingling’. “Is Austin around here somewhere?”

Her face falls a little and she purses her lips to the side. “He couldn’t make it down from Pullman.”

“That’s too bad, I’m sorry.” You know Sloane was excited to see her brother- he rarely comes home anymore, citing gas prices or homework or something or other, and you can tell it gets her a little more every time.

“It’s fine, I honestly expected it.” She takes her cap off, pushing her hair back and squinting up at the sun before looking back at you with another wide grin on her face. “So, how did you like my moves up there?”

You give her a look. “I told you no one would laugh.”

“Andrew laughed! And Nadir and Cameron! Maybe not Scott, he’s no fun. But the rest of you guys did!”

“I didn’t, don’t implicate me in all of that.”

“But you wanted to!” You elect not to respond to that and she huffs a little. “Whatever, you’re no fun either. Let’s go find them, anyway.” She doesn’t wait for a response before she’s dragging you along behind her by your wrist. You try to keep up, pulling up the hem of your gown so you don’t trip, and as you pass by the last of the rows of folding chairs Sloane’s hand finds its way into yours, lacing your fingers together.

You make the rest of your way around the side of the school like that, hand in hand, hers squeezing yours tight and then dropping it as you round the corner and see the guys where you’d agreed to meet after the ceremony (assembly) was over. Cameron spots you both first and beckons you over, cigarette in one hand and stupid chunky butane lighter in the other.

“What took you guys so long?” He hands you each a smoke and steps aside to let you into their huddle.

Sloane takes her zippo out of her pocket and lights your cigarette for you, then her own- she always starts yours first, to the extent that you almost never bring a lighter with you if she’s going to be around. “Just enjoying our first few moments as high school grads. We’re all kind of a big deal.”

“How sweet.” Andrew is sitting criss-cross on the ground, leaning back on his hands. His tie is slung back over one shoulder. “You weren’t apologizing to Larson for punking him?”

“He knows I didn’t mean it like that.” Sloane starts unzipping her gown and pulling it over her head. You always notice the way she takes things off- from the back of the neck, not by grabbing the bottom. You always catch yourself noticing tiny things like this- how she sits with her knees apart, never crossing them, how she keeps her wallet in her front pocket instead of the back. They’re tiny little things that don’t matter, not really, but you notice them all the same. You follow suit and try to mimic the way she grabbed her neckline. “What did you think about Emma’s speech, though?”

“Right? I’ve never heard her talk for longer than, like, two sentences.”

“I think she did really well,” Nadir remarks. “She was always so good in the school plays.”

“Well, that’s the only time she actually talks!” Andrew prods at Nadir’s ankle with a stick. “What do you think, Scott?” He’s being an asshole by asking this- all of you know Scott was quietly hoping he would be voted to be the student speaker.

“She was all right. It kind of meandered at the end.” Of course, this would be his critique- you don’t think you’ve ever heard Scott admit to being miffed in any way.

“Don’t worry, Scott, we know you could have done way better. The best, even. No meandering at all.”

“Don’t start.” Nadir only sounds menially serious as he says it; you all know there’s really no point in saying anything like that to Andrew.

“What about Virgil as salutatorian?” Sloane puts her arm around your shoulders and presses you against her side. “Who knew my best friend was a genius?”

You duck your head down and tuck your hair back behind your ear. “It’s really not that big of a deal, it’s not like there was a lot of competition.”

“Well, yeah, because that’s just how much of a genius you are!”

“Whatever.” You flick your cigarette onto the gravel, crushing it with your shoe. “Are we going to get out of here?”

“I can’t. I’m supposed to take my grandparents to lunch.” Nadir is always the first to have a reason he can’t go to something. It’s never an excuse, really, but it’s something you’ve all come to expect. Cameron- mouth occupied by the filter between his lips- hums and points to him in agreement, so you suppose that makes two of them.

“And my mom agreed to drive some people home since their parents have to get back to their shifts,” Sloane adds. “I told you, remember?”

“Right.” She had. You don’t even know why you asked- obviously, everyone would have things going on after graduation. You’re probably the only one who doesn’t- like mingling, your parents are not big on celebrating. “Well, how about later, then? Is that bonfire still happening?”

Bonfires are the ultimate, multipurpose festivity for young people between the ages of fourteen and twenty one on your part of the island. House parties can be fun- especially if someone with a lot of land throws them- but bonfires just have a certain something to them. The wide open space of the beach, the egalitarian parking situation, the way the police completely ignore any calls to complain about them- they always just seem to work out. So of course your class would cap this year off with one.

Andrew nods, moving down further to prop himself up on his elbows and crossing his ankles. “Yeah, at eight tonight. We’re all supposed to bring stuff, Evan is tired of no one paying him back for beer.”

Sloane scoffs. “Bullshit, he isn’t even the one paying for it, he puts it all on his dad’s credit card.”

“Nevertheless, it’s high time we all step up to contribute,” he replies loftily. “We’re adults now. We need to take some responsibility.”

“Well, you’re the only one with a fake ID, so that’s all you,” Cameron points out. “I can bring some weed, I suppose.”

“I’ll bring some beach towels, there’s never enough of them.” Nadir offers this like he’s being magnanimous, which he is- but he’s also just too closely watched to ever bring anything else.

Sloane pats her bag. “I went to the reservation the other week with my mom to buy smokes, so I can bring plenty of those.”

“What should I bring?” You really don’t know what else there is to add- booze, pot, tobacco and a place to sit seems like it about does it. No one even bothers asking after Scott because you all know he would insist that him driving all of you around is his contribution, and he would be absolutely correct.

Sloane leans over to tousle your hair. “You just bring your wonderful self, Virgil, don’t even worry about it.” Andrew ‘aww’s sarcastically, and Sloane kicks some gravel at him.

Scott slaps his hands on his thighs as he pushes off the wall and starts fishing around in his pocket. “Well, I’ve gotta split. Still need a ride, Drew?” He jingles his keys and Andrew hops to his feet.

“Only if I get to drive!” He reaches for the keys as he says it and Scott holds them up and away from him.

“When have I ever once said yes to that?” He turns back to the rest of you. “Anyone else?”

No one takes up the offer- their parents are already waiting for them at their respective cars, naturally- so you all say your goodbyes, throw your butts in the grass, and go your separate ways.

You and Sloane make your way back to the parking lot, all partitioned out by ticker tape and orange traffic cones, gowns and caps in hand. She’s humming the tune the choir had sang as the beginning of the ceremony (assembly), which was much too dramatic and emotive for the moment that it actually was in your personal opinion. You’re watching her side profile, how you can see her wifebeater peeking out where she’s unbuttoned her dress shirt. She glances sideways at you and looks you up and down, just for a moment, and she stops humming.

“How did your mom feel about the suit?” You guess she saw your mother’s sour expression as you’d stepped out of the car- not that it had been hard to spot. You’d been hiding the thing in your closet since Sloane had picked it out for you at the mall and dodging questions about what dress you’d picked out for the last few months. Needless to say, she had not been very happy with you when you’d walked down the stairs this morning.

“She kind of lost her mind, but it’s fine. There was nothing she could do about it by that point.”

Sloane tuts and reaches up to touch your headband where it sits behind your ear. “What’s with this stupid thing?”

“She told me if I was going to wear it I had to put something on that made me look less like a crossdresser.” You look at her and see she’s biting her lip. “You can laugh, it was funny.”

“Okay, it is, but like, in a fucked up kind of sad way.” She plucks it off your head and puts it through your belt loop. “That’s so dumb, though. It’s not like you could even see it with the hat on.”

“The cap,” you correct her, and Sloane flaps her hand in the way she always does to show she’s ignoring your nitpicking. “But, yeah. I just wanted her to stop talking about it.”

“Well, I think you look great.” For once, she sounds completely sincere. “I mean, look at me. I’m just wearing what Austin wore to his graduation, it barely even fits me.”

“Yeah, but you’ve been wanting to do that for years.” This is true- she’s only ever mentioned it in passing, but you know that’s always been her plan. Three quarters of her closet is already hand-me-downs from her brother, anyway. “And you look good, too. It does fit you, just… you know.” In a different way, is what you want to say, but it feels embarrassing to say out loud for whatever reason, so you don’t.

“True, I do look amazing.” She puts her hand on her hip and struts ahead of you, turning back around to strike a pose. “I’m gonna make my mom take a photo for him.”

“I think my parents are going to outright refuse to take one at this point,” you say drily, and she falls back into step with you.

“Boo.” Sloane bumps her shoulder into yours as you reach the edge of the lot and spot both of your parents leaning against their cars. Her mom, spotting her, starts waving at her and she puts her hand up to acknowledge it. “There she is. I’d better go make sure I get shotgun. She agreed to take, like, five people home.”

“I’m sure she saved it for you.”

“I’m not!” She’s probably right in that respect, you admit- Kim Webster is not a sentimental woman. “Wait a second, though.”

She pulls you into your second Sloane-hug of the morning. Before this winter you had really only experienced a few- despite being friends for so long (or perhaps because of it) you were never very affectionate with each other. But since this past winter you have come to find out that Sloane-hugs have their own, special quality- they’re tight and they’re warm and since she’s ever-so-slightly taller than you, you can lean your head on her shoulder, the way you’re doing now. It’s nice. You’d never initiate one on your own, but you’re always happy when she does. Then you feel her lips on your neck and you jerk back, looking nervously over at where your dad is waiting for you on the passenger side of the car only a dozen yards away. She rolls her eyes at you, but lets you step back all the same.

“Don’t be lame.”

“I’m not being lame.”

“You are, but it’s fine.” She looks back and looks at her mom again, who you can see is already getting into the car and starting it. “Okay, she will genuinely leave without me if I don’t get over there. I’ll text you?”

“Sure, or just come over when you’re home.”

Sloane gives you one last smile, and turns to jog to where her mom is already halfway through pulling out of her spot. You watch for a moment before you look back over to where your own parents are parked. You feel your mood immediately deflate. You can see your mother in the driver’s seat through the windshield, arms crossed. You really do not want to deal with the shit you’re about to get on the drive home.

But what can you do? You knew this would probably be how it went when you let Sloane convince you to buy that suit, you’d accepted it as soon as you’d hung it up in your closet, and you’d embraced it the moment you saw your mother’s face. And, really, how long could she drag out her low-level psychological warfare over it? A few weeks, maybe? You can deal with that. You’ve put up with much more for much less, actually.

So you unthread your headband from your belt loop, you secure it back in your hair, and you set your shoulders square. You get into the car and buckle yourself in. And as you pretend you can’t hear your mom’s passive aggressive sighs, you look out the window at the passing fields and start considering what you’ll wear to the bonfire that you’re sure she will hate just as much.

—

The road down to Double Bluff beach is bumpy. You know this- you’ve ridden it more times than you can count- but it gets you every time, especially when you’re in the back of Scott’s truck. The air is warm, even in the deep blue light of the mid-evening, and you feel it rush past you as you speed down the hill. You’re glad you decided not to go with the sweater you had been eyeing.

In the back with you are Sloane, Nadir and Cameron- Andrew, as always, was selected to sit in the cab, because he is liable to try to stand up in the truckbed if left to his own devices. Nadir has a deathgrip on the lip of the pickup, shrinking down as small as he possibly can so that he is jostled as little as possible, nestled between the duffels he’d packed. Cameron, on the other hand, is sprawled without a care in the world against the back window, backwards baseball hat keeping his long hair out of his face as he grinds up some weed in preparation for the long night ahead of him. As for Sloane- well. You assume that if someone passed by you all in the low light they would assume she was a dog, the way her head and half of her torso are sticking out over the side. She seems to be trying to lean over to talk to Andrew through the window. You decide this has gone on long enough and get a grip on the back of her muscle tee to tug her back into the bounds of the truck.

“Hey, what the hell?” She has to raise her voice to be heard over the crunch of stones under the wheels.

“You’re going to get your head taken off by a branch if you keep doing that.”

“Will not!” Sloane tries to move back to her previous spot, but you keep a hold on her shirt and she gives in, looking at you as if you’re keeping her from running into a theme park. “Ugh, fine. We’re almost there, anyway.”

Sure enough, the truck soon slows to a halt in front of a familiar thatch of blackberry bushes. The headlights cut out as you feel the truck’s engine turn off and Scott and Andrew hop out, still chatting about whatever they had gotten to talking about on the ride over- you think you hear the word ‘baseball’, so possibly bickering about what to listen to on the radio. They come around to open up the back. Nadir is the first to get out- or, more accurately to his sense of urgency, escape- and he goes to grab his bags.

“I’ll never get used to how horribly you drive on these backroads, Scott.” Even Nadir, almost always the kindest and most soft-spoken out of all of you, is unable to contain his disdain for Scott’s driving skills.

“Oh, give him a break. He won’t admit he needs glasses,” Sloane joins in, always happy to have a reason to shit on Scott.

Scott glares at both of them as he shoulders the bags. “Wow, you’re so welcome. I’m glad you guys appreciate me driving you around for free all the time.” He isn’t wrong, there. Scott never asks for gas money, even though you all can tell he is constantly waiting for someone to offer to give him some, which none of you ever do.

“We do, dude, don’t listen to them.” Cameron is hoisting himself out, dragging the packs of beer behind him to sit on the edge of the bed. “Let’s just get going. It’s going to get too dark to see in a second.”

He’s right, so you do- Nadir holding the bags of towels, you and Scott both left to carry two cases of beer each, and Sloane slinging her satchel of whatever the hell she is always carrying over her shoulder. You usually wouldn’t trust yourself to carry anything even slightly heavy this far, as weak as you are- or, more accurately, you wouldn’t need to, since Sloane would usually take them for you- but she has already run up ahead on the trail to engage in some moderate horseplay with Andrew, trying to jump on his back or trip him up, so you are on your own this time. You walk down the hill side by side with your two fellow pack mules, talking about nothing and who you expect to see and who you hope you don’t, until you come up on the edge of the sand. You can hear the sound of your classmates’ voices and you slow up, just a little- you’re realizing now that you’re likely going to be stuck here, on the beach, in the dark, until everyone else is ready to go, which is usually much later than you are. And you’re starting to regret wearing your best sneakers, and suddenly wondering if you actually should have brought that sweater.

Before you can continue this train of thought you feel someone sidle up next to you, and one of the cases you’re carrying begins to become lighter as someone pries it out of your grip.

“Doing good?” It’s Sloane, obviously, and her voice buzzes a little in your ear as she says it.

“Doing well,” You correct automatically. “I’m fine. Just, you know. Getting ready.”

Her hand comes into your field of vision with a Pall Mall in it. “You’re always a little more ready with one of these…” She wiggles it back and forth before sticking it in your mouth and then flips open her zippo to light it, again. You allow her to do this even as you walk, which makes it all a bit harder, but she figures it out and soon you are taking a very content drag of your third favorite cigarette. It’s hard to see anything at all in the dark, at this point- it’s more of a game of feeling around to find your way forward than a leisurely stroll. This is probably why you don’t notice until it’s already happening that her hand is in yours. “And one of these, too.” You can hear the smile in her voice.

“You’re so fucking lame.” But you don’t take your hand away, even as you finally reach the firepit. Sloane is the one who pulls away first, for once, so she can hop over a piece of driftwood and sit down next to- well, you can’t really see who from the back.

“Miguel!” Apparently Sloane can, and she taps him on the shoulder before positioning the case of beer between her legs so she can open it and offer him one. “How’s it going, man?”

“Sloane!” Miguel returns the greeting and gives her an enthusiastic side-hug, taking the can from her. “Doing fine, how about you?”

“Living the dream, you know how it is.” She reaches back to help you step over and sit down next to her before turning back to him. “Is Gray here?”

A girl with magenta hair leans forward to give Sloane a peace-sign around the bottle she’s holding. “Right here.”

“I didn’t see you two at the ceremony, where were you?”

Miguel and Gray look at eachother. “Well,” Miguel starts, “we decided that we didn’t want to contribute to the elitist concept of celebrating academic achievement, considering how many Americans today don’t get the privilege…”

“His alarm didn’t go off and he was supposed to pick me up.” Gray interrupts him and pats his knee as Miguel shoots her a dirty look.

“Whatever, it’s not like they actually give you your diploma there or anything. We didn’t miss much, I assume.” He doesn’t seem all that broken up about it, but he does seem to be searching for any way to change the subject away from this. “Virgil, what’s up with you?”

“Oh, you know.” You can’t really think of anything to say, so you just settle on that. “Nothing much.”

“Sloane told me you bought a suit for graduation,” Gray shoots over Miguel’s shoulder. “Pretty badass.”

Sloane slings an arm around you and pulls you closer, plucking the cigarette out of your mouth and taking a drag. “I know, right? He looked so distinguished. Very gentlemanly.” Your heart all but stops in your chest and your smoke almost tumbles out of your mouth when Sloane tries to stick it back in. You brace for Miguel and Gray to give you both a weird look, or question her, or just do anything at all, but they do… absolutely nothing. They just smile and laugh and say they bet she’s right, and the moment passes. Like it was nothing. Which you suppose it was, really.

You’re trying desperately to hang on to the thread of conversation after whatever that was when another pair of feet approaches from behind, and you’re snapped out of your daze in order to make room for a pair of Jordans to step onto and then down off of the log you’re sitting on. You peer up to see who it is and realize that it’s-

“Alex, hey!” Sloane, again, is the one to greet him, reaching up to give him some sort of handshake that it seems to you she must have come out of the womb knowing, considering how effortlessly she does it. “Your mom really let you out?”

“What my mom doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” He pulls something that looks like a long, thin tube of chapstick out of his pocket and offers it to the group.

“What the hell is that?” Sloane grabs it from him and holds it up to the light to get a better look at it.

“It’s a dab pen. Got it from my cousin.” Alex sounds very smug about this, and he takes it back to show her how to use it, pressing the button you can now see as it lights up and sucking at the top before handing it back to her, smoke coming out of his nose. “Just take a little hit, if you’ve never used one it’ll smack you in the face.”

Sloane does as she’s told, for once, and only coughs a little (bit of a lot) when she holds it back out to him. “What the hell, is that even legal?” Alex laughs and takes it back, clicking it back off. “And don’t you usually quit smoking when you start training for soccer season?”

“No more soccer to train for, remember?” He offers it to Miguel and Gray, who both politely decline, and re-pockets it. “I got my final team photo in the mail last week.”

“Oh. Right.” She looks at him with her head cocked to the side for a second, like she’s processing that fact. “Well, what are you doing now, then?” She turns to the wider group. “As a matter of fact, what’s everybody doing now?”

Alex takes a knee. “I’m gonna be an assistant coach at the middle school.”

“Oh, shit, really? With Coach Weiman?” Miguel leans forward. “I hated him, man.”

“Yeah, it’s… He’s kind of difficult sometimes. But, you know.” You don’t really know- you had started getting excused from gym class when you were in the sixth grade and started taking Spanish instead. “What are you guys doing, though?”

Miguel sets his empty beer can down on the ground and crushes it under his combat boot. “I got into Whitman for fine arts, so I’m heading there in the fall.”

“And I’m working at the gem gallery downtown and probably going to keep playing with our old band, which is just as impressive,” Gray chimes in, taking Miguel’s hand in hers and holding them up to pump their joined fists. “How about you, Sloane?”

“Oh, you know me. Keeping my options open.” She reaches down to grab a drink of her own and cracks it open, gesturing to you with her thumb. “This one’s going to community college, though.”

“Really, that’s great!” Miguel punches you on the arm softly, in that way guys do when they want to congratulate you. “Studying what?”

“Um.” Suddenly all knowledge of what classes you’re going to take have left your mind. “Communications and, like, rhetoric. And stuff.”

“Nice. You’ll actually be able to get a job with that.” He nods sagely. “My parents think I’m the biggest idiot in the world for going to school for an art degree.”

Gray rolls her eyes from behind him and brings his face closer to hers so she can kiss him on the cheek. “I keep telling him, they just don’t see the vision.”

Miguel lets her perch her head on his shoulder as they all continue talking- about college, about jobs, about summer plans and parents and siblings who are moving up a grade- and you feel yourself start to tune out. The fire is getting bigger and the smoke is blowing towards where you’re sitting upwind, and the smell of pot is encroaching from where you can see Cameron and his old woodshop buddies sitting. You feel your head start to swim, and you stand up.

“I’m just- gonna go for a walk. To the shore.”

“You okay?” Sloane pulls on the hem of your shirt, and you glance down to see a concerned look on her face.

“Yeah, it’s just, I just need some air or whatever.”

“Oh, sure. Well, hurry back.”

“I will.” You turn to the rest of Sloane’s friends- because that’s what they are, Sloane’s friends, not yours- and add, “it was good to see you guys, and stuff.”

“It’s always nice to see you, too, Virgil. Have a good walk.” Gray smiles softly at you, chin still sitting on Miguel’s shoulder, and she picks up his hand to wave goodbye.

“We’ll miss you! Don’t fall in!” You’re already walking away as Sloane calls after you, away from the din of people talking and the brightness of the fire and into the new dark of the sand further down the beach.

You stop just short of the edge of the Puget Sound and slip off your sneakers, peeling your socks off one at a time and tucking them into your shoes. You wore your ratty cargo shorts for this express purpose, almost out of habit- you and Sloane used to always do this together when you came to bonfires, though in recent years she’s become more and more busy at these sorts of things. You wade in up to your ankles and lean down to take some water into your hands, splashing it onto your face. Then, from behind you, you hear:

“Virgil?”

You straighten up and turn to see who’s calling for you. At first you assume it must be Sloane, coming to join you in the water- but there are two figures approaching. “Yeah?”

“I knew it was you!” As the two shapes get closer you realize that it’s Christie Bowman and Rachel Collins. “How are you, chick?”

You haven’t really talked to Christie or Rachel since you were in the eighth grade, when you were still taking choir classes at your mother’s request. They’re nice girls- you just didn’t really have a reason to speak to them after you quit.

“I’m okay.” You can see them a bit better, now, wearing almost identical combinations of denim miniskirts and layered camisoles. “Um, how are you guys?”

“Pretty good! I’m so excited school is finally over, doesn’t it always feel like it drags on forever in the last month?” Christie comes to stand in the water next to you, letting it wash over her jewel toned flip flops. Her toes are a bright, neon pink that almost glows in the dark under the waves.

“Totally.” You don’t really know what else to say to that, so you just kind of dig around in the sand with your foot and move the rocks around.

“...Well, congrats on getting salutatorian, that’s amazing! I knew you were smart, but like, not that smart. No offense, sorry, oh my gosh. Was that rude?” Rachel joins in on your casual water-standing in her own slightly gaudy flip flops, and touches your arm with one hand as she apologizes.

You smile a little at that- Rachel was always the first one to say something like that, blurting stuff out and then realizing it came off wrong, full of ‘no offense’s. “You’re good, I know what you mean. And it’s no big deal, honestly. But thank you.” You cast around for a compliment to give in return, and land on, “um, your dresses were both really pretty at graduation. I liked them.”

Christie beams at you. “Thank you so much, we tried to match them. Like how we did for all the dances, you know?”

“Oh, that’s fun- well, that’s really cute, actually.” You mean it, though you’d never realized that was something they did until just now.

They look at each other for a second- not like they’re excluding you, but in that way best friends do when they’re having a silent conversation with their little microexpressions, the way you’re sure you and Sloane must look at each other as well. “Your… headband was really nice!” You have to hold back a little laugh at how obviously Rachel is trying to come up with something nice to say about what you yourself were wearing. You’re used to girls doing this to you- they don’t know how to compliment you the way they compliment each other, so they just choose the girliest thing you have on and point it out. It would be sweeter if it wasn’t so transparent.

“Yeah, thanks.” You kick at the water a little more before switching gears to the next mandatory track of conversation. “Um… so, what are you guys doing now? After high school, I mean.”

Christie grabs Rachel’s hand and rattles it around excitedly. “We’re gonna go to beauty school together!”

“And work at her mom’s nail salon. To pay for it, and, like, practical hours and whatever.”

Your heart swells a little to hear them talk about it so eagerly- you might not know these girls that well anymore, but you genuinely are happy that they found a good plan, and that they’re going to stay together. They’ve always been so close- you don’t know, maybe it just gives you a little hope for, well, your own stuff. Or something like that.

“That’s really solid. I bet you’ll both do great, seriously.”

“Well, girls will always need their hair done, you know?” Christie gasps a little after she says it and claps her hands for a second. “Oh my gosh! Virgil, we could totally do your hair if you wanted, we’ll need to practice on people for tests and all that.”

You automatically reach up to touch your hair- shaggy, unstyled, more than a little choppy. “Oh, thank you. It’s fine, though, Sloane cuts my hair for me.”

The two look at eachother again- you can read what they’re silently saying to each other this time, as clear as day, which is that they could have guessed that even if you didn’t say it.

“Well, if you ever want to try something new, just call one of us. Or, you know, tell your friends and stuff.”

“For sure.” If you can think of literally any female friends you have, you definitely will. Well, you guess you have Sloane, but. You know.

You glance back up the beach- it seems like the crowd has doubled in size since you got here, and you can hear faintly that someone has set up a boombox. You realize you have probably been down here for much longer than Sloane would like- you’re sure if you got service down here you’d be getting a call by now.

“I’d better get back. It was really nice to talk to you guys, though.” You stand there stiffly for a second, deciding on if you should high five them or something, but before you can do anything you’re surrounded by arms and chests and long, soft hair in a group hug.

“Of course! We should hang out this summer, for real.”

“Definitely.” You feel a little pang in your chest because you know that is most likely not going to happen, but it’s a nice thought. You extricate yourself from the Christie and Rachel sandwich and pick your shoes up from where they’re sitting. “I’ll, um, see you guys around, then.”

“Absolutely! We’ll see you!”

You balance the backs of your sneakers on your fingertips and start trekking back up the small incline of the beach, stopping at the edge of the dry sand to dust off your feet and put them back on. Entering once more unto the breach, as you privately choose to think of it, you look around to locate Sloane and see her sitting some feet away on a patch of towels with the rest of the guys. She’s laughing and gesturing like she always does when she’s telling a story. As if she senses your presence, she looks back at you and starts waving wildly- as you get closer, you can see the red patches sitting high on her freckled cheeks.

Sloane yanks you down by the hem of your shorts when you reach her, and you do everything you can not to fall over as you go to sit down.

“What took you so long,” she asks, stretching out the ‘o’ in ‘long’ and leaning the entirety of her body weight on you. “I thought you drowned or something.”

“I was just talking to people for a second.” You brush some sand off of the blanket and wipe your hands on your shirt.

“Virgil’s just mysterious like that, Sloane.” Cameron holds the joint they had evidently been passing around out to her. “She likes going on little secret missions.”

“Well, she should be taking me with her!”

“Sometimes a man has to go it alone,” intones Andrew solemnly. “To find himself. And, you know, shit like that.”

You tamp down the way Andrew even jokingly saying that about you makes you feel and pinch Sloane on the outer thigh. “Yeah, what they said. A man needs privacy. You can’t always know everything about me.”

“You don’t know that.” Sloane reaches into her bag to grab her pack of smokes to offer you, which you gratefully take, before she shoots upright and hits the towel emphatically with both her palms. “Oh! While we’re all here, you know what we should plan?”

“It sounds like you’re going to tell us.” Nadir is sitting on his own, private towel, pointedly free of debris and ash.

“Fishing trip!” She roots around in her bag for a very dirty notepad in preparation for this event coordination, apparently unphased by the fact she has nothing to write with. “When is everyone free?” Scott, Cameron, Andrew and Nadir all look at each other for a second. “What, what are you looking at?”

“Well,” Cameron starts, “we kind of talked about it the other day and realized, you know...”

“None of our schedules are really going to line up this summer.” Scott finishes the thought for him.

“What? That’s impossible, there’s no way we aren’t all home for at least one day.”

“Yes way, dude. I’ll be working construction with my dad for, like, sixty hours a week. Scott’s gonna be in Castle Rock for his internship, Cameron’s taking care of his aunt over town, and Nadir’s going to have to practically run his dad’s store.” Andrew is, as he is wont to be doing when you’re all together, rolling smoke. He passes Sloane a fresh one and pats her hand as she accepts it. “Sorry, we meant to tell you earlier.”

Sloane sticks the cigarette in her mouth and lights it in a particularly moody way. “Well, that fucking sucks.”

You don’t think Sloane- or really any you- had considered what it would mean for all of you to graduate and start splintering off to find what there was to be done with your lives. You suppose you’d just tacitly assumed things would stay the same, if a little more intermittent- but Andrew’s right, you really are going to be all over the place. And even if you all come back to town after the summer is over- for how long? What happens when Nadir and Scott leave for college, and everyone else has to get a job, and you’re commuting for half the days of the week and working part time? What happens when everyone starts moving out? These have been your best friends for, what, a decade, now- you met in second grade and probably haven’t spent more than a week apart since- is it really all just going to be over, just like that?

The air feels just a little heavy. You can tell Sloane feels it, too, from how quiet she’s being. Even Andrew, who almost never falls below a ‘pleasantly content’ on the scale of emotion, looks a little downcast, and you can see Nadir playing with his lip while he looks into the fire. Without thinking you slip your arm around Sloane’s waist and pull her closer to you, imperceptible to the rest of the guys, but enough that you know she can’t not notice.

It’s Scott who breaks the glum energy that’s fallen around all of you. “Can you all stop being so dramatic? I mean, Jesus. We can go ice fishing at Christmas, it’ll be great. We can knock Andrew into the lake again.”

“What the fuck, asshole? Sloane’s mom literally said I could have died!” Andrew throws a handful of tobacco at him and you all fall into peals of childish laughter.

The conversation starts up again, as normal. Who Andrew wants to go home with (and who absolutely will not be taking him). How much piss Cameron is going to have to wash out of his aunt’s bedpan. Whether Nadir will let you all get away with keeping your unofficial tabs at the general store. You draw your legs to your chest and watch your friends laugh and squabble and spar under the glow of the fire. You still haven’t removed your arm from around Sloane’s waist. You feel her hand slowly snake back around yours, and then under and up your shirt. You shiver despite the heat as she starts running her thumb over your side, slowly, so slowly you’re sure unless someone was really looking they would never notice. You inch closer to her, and you let her.

You’re not sure when you’ll be driving back up that bumpy back road, but you hope it isn’t for just a little longer.

—

“Could you possibly be any louder right now?”

You and Sloane are crowded together on her back porch, your backs propping the screen door open as she fiddles with the inner one’s handle. She is slumping into your side, giggling uncontrollably as she jabs her key in the vague direction of the lock.

“I could, but it sounds like you wouldn’t like it if I was.”

“Jesus Christ.” You snatch the keys from her and insert them cleanly, on the first try, as one is supposed to be able to. You push the door open and leave room for her to squeeze past you, making sure not to swing it back too far- you know how Kim is about the mosquito hawks in the summer. “Just get in, your mom is going to flip if you wake her up this late.”

Sloane gives you an absentminded thumbs up as she trails down the hall, and you close the door as quietly as possible behind the both of you. When you enter Sloane’s room you find her flopped facedown on her bed, legs languidly trailing back and forth through the air. You tickle one of her soles as you pass, at which she shrieks- thankfully muffled by her blanket- and lashes out to strike the offending hand. You dodge her, smiling to yourself at your masterful prank.

“Do you have any clean shirts left?” Sloane lets out what sounds like a prolonged and fuzzy ‘no’. “Great.”

You reach into her laundry basket and pull out an assortment of pajamas, and toss some of them over to Sloane where they land on her back before you start undressing. When she feels the clothes settle on top of her she begins, slowly, to flip around and start shimmying out of her jeans.

“There’s going to be sand all over your bed,” you comment, but you don’t do anything to intervene.

“Don’t care.” She pulls off her top and pulls on her new (dirty) clothes- a commemorative turkey shoot tee shirt from 2001, if the text on it is to be trusted- and finally sits up to grab the cup of water on her nightstand. “How did you like the party?”

“It was fine.” You come to sit next to her in your (her) little tie dye number that you know she had to have made at the YMCA summer camp you both used to go to. You watch her chug her water before you add, “I ran into Christie and Rachel when I went down to the water.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“They said they liked my headband.”

Sloane snorts, wiping her mouth off and setting the cup down on the floor. “Oh, I’m sure. Hand me my bag.” You do, and she starts digging around in it, evidently to find her smokes, before tossing it back into a pile of clothes and school papers. She crawls up to where her bed meets the wall and slides her window open, picking up the lighter there and starting her final before-bed cigarette. “Come here.”

You climb onto the bed next to her and take it from her when she offers it out to you; and you both sit like that for a while, passing it back and forth, looking out to where you can see a lone street light shining through the leaves of the tree in her tiny backyard.

“We won’t be seeing a lot of the guys this summer,” you say softly. Sloane huffs a little and shakes her head as she ashes the cigarette out the window.

“I guess not.”

“But we’ll still see each other, right?”

Sloane freezes and looks at you like she’s expecting you to finish some sort of punchline. When you don’t she reaches outside and dashes her smoke out on the outside wall of her house- a disgusting and destructive habit you have begged her to kick- and then, without warning, she lunges straight at you. You yelp and try to push her off, but as you already know from previous experience, she is much stronger than you and there is essentially no point to even trying. You wrassle back and forth for a moment before you let her pin you, your head almost hitting the headboard.

She studies you for a moment from her vantage point above you, before she dips down to put her nose to your neck and bite you, hard, harder than could ever be considered sexy. You hiss a little at the pain and start squirming around again.

“Don’t ask stupid stuff like that just to get attention.” She nips you again, this time on the side of your throat, a little softer, and you laugh as her hair tickles your nose.

“Cut it out! No, Sloane, seriously, cut it out.” When she seems to realize you’re starting to sound more serious, she lets go.

She looks at you for a second longer before she dramatically pulls back her covers and starts getting under them, reaching over to turn off the light. “We’re going to bed now.”

“Now?”

“Yes, right now.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re clearly too tired to be having a real conversation if you’re asking me things like that.” She continues settling down under her comforter.

You follow suit and in a moment you’re all tucked in, both staring up at the ceiling in the cool darkness.

You’re really not sure what to say, now- it’s been a long day, and you feel like there’s a lot to think about, between the two of you. You don’t want to start some big philosophical conversation- it’s much too late for that, and that’s just not how you two are- but it sort of seems like you should at least say something, or anything at all.

“You keep saying you’re ‘keeping your options open’.”

“Yeah, well, that’s because I am.”

“Okay, sure.” You’re silent for another moment before you restart. “But what are you actually going to do, though?”

“I don’t know.” She rolls away from you to face the wall, and you watch her run her finger across the stucco from over her shoulder. “For a while I was thinking about just using what I learned in auto-shop to get a job in Coupeville, honestly.”

“That sounds okay.”

“I could even pretend to be a guy so they’d pay me more.” She says it like it’s a joke, but it really doesn’t sound like one.

You hum a little and don’t say anything- because what even is there to say to that, really?

“Would you come with me?”

“What?”

“Would you come with me, to Coupeville.”

“Um. I don’t know.” You are trying to weigh out how serious Sloane is being about this- when she says things like that it’s hard to tell, sometimes.

She sighs and shifts a little, rolling back over to stare up at the ceiling again. “I know it’s not going to happen, anyway. I’m probably going to have to just get a job at some restaurant downtown so my mom doesn’t kick me out for not paying rent.”

You know how anxious Sloane is about the prospect of paying rent- her mom has been hanging it over her head for months and you know it’s not something they can exactly avoid, but it still clearly occupies Sloane’s mind a lot, even if she usually pretends it doesn’t.

“At least we’ll be able to hang out all the time, right?” You know it’s cold comfort, but it’s really all you have for her right now. Your plans are already set- drive to community college off the island during the week, work at the charity thrift store on the weekends. Save up to move out in the next year or two. You wish there was something more you could offer, but you both know there really isn’t. “We won’t have to stop doing any of the things we like to do, even if all the new stuff sucks.”

“Yeah.” Sloane looks over, a smile flitting across her face. She turns to face you, reaching an arm out to hook you with and bring you closer to her. You comply, threading your arms back around her in return. “You can still stay over, like this.”

“Exactly.”

“As long as my mom doesn’t kick me out.”

“Don’t say that!” You smack her lightly on the shoulder from behind and squeeze her tightly against you, so tight that you can feel her heart beating in her chest. “She wouldn’t do that.”

“I know. But still.”

“And you could always just come stay in my room.”

“Mm, that does sound nice.”

You suck your teeth at the way she says it, but you don’t respond. She doesn’t keep pushing it, this time.

“... I would go to Coupeville with you, I guess.”

“Would you?”

You nod, and hesitate for a moment before continuing, “and we could do it together.”

“Do what?”

“You know what.” You lock eyes with her and try to make sure she does, in fact, know. It seems like she should, at least.

“Yeah.” She does.

Neither of you say anything else; when you look back, you might realize that’s really all that conversation could have been, in that moment. It wasn’t a real idea, not really, but you know that wasn’t why she said it- she wanted to see what you would do, if she did. You hope what you did give her was enough.

You turn over a little, taking her under your arm. You feel her hand come up to press against your chest. Not to push you away- just to let you know she’s there. It scrunches your shirt a little, and then lets go, falling flat against it. You close your eyes and listen to the sound of the bathroom fan from the room over, and the trees outside rustling from where Sloane forgot to close the window- Kim is going to be so pissed in the morning, with all the bugs that are going to get in- and the frogs in the backyard that you can never see but you can always hear.

You fall asleep thinking about what you two are going to do tomorrow; your first weekend where there will be no school to hang out after come Monday.

[snowy-bones]

Looks like you stopped letting others use your kind heart and soul for their own gain. Good on you Snow. 👏 Hope you're doing okay.

teh heh! honestly? i'm really just done chasing after people who dont want to put in the same effort that i have/had constantly given only to be treated like a secondary or back up friend. im not going to continue to give my entire heart and soul only to receive hardly any sort of love and care in return. im tired...so very tired. im not okay, WE are not okay and we are tired of only being talked with when it is convenient for someone. im not going to sit around and wait anymore. im not going to give if nothing is going to be given back. im tired of being forgotten and given the same excuse time and time again. my system is tired. we're tired of being used and abused. we're tired of being treated like toys. its so easy for those to talk with others and yet so easy for us to be forgotten when we arent convenient and relevant. we're tired of being excluded, we're tired of being avoided when we have done nothing wrong. we're tired of being punished for doing absolutely nothing wrong. we're tired of being left in the background and the shadows. we're done. d o n e. those who know whats going on know. and we wont be sharing any info publicly any time soon. we're not making it convenient. if those people wanted to know they would have made the effort. so there is no more running after people that wont let us walk beside them anymore. we're so tired of being the last thought. the only thing we can say right now is that...we are healing... ...good night -The Snowflurry System -Host Snow, Protectors Ash and Thomas

[falconamorcito]

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞

i’m not man enough to be human, but i’m trying to fit in and i’m learning to fake it

i would still devour you, if you let me and i’ll still taste you, after you’re gone

danny x reader fluff 683 words

it's been like this for weeks. he sneaks out in the early evening and comes home late at night. and you're sick and tired of it. if he's cheating you just want the truth. you're tired of being played like a fool.

you curled up on the couch, nodding off but shaking yourself to stay awake. then you hear the front door creak and your eyes shoot open.

you glance at the time. 12:30 am.

he walks in quietly, like he's trying not to wake you up. he thinks you’re in bed already. asleep. it is late after all and usually you are when he comes home this late.

but he nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees you sitting in the dark living room, staring at him, "holy shit! Hey -- cariño i didnt know you were still awake." he frowns and walks over, "arent you tire-"

"where were you." your voice is cutting and harsh.

he winces, "oh -- i was just... y’know out? had some running around to do."

you purse your lips and stand up from the couch. "running around? every wednesday and thursday night? coming home past midnight?" you suck on your teeth, "don't bullshit me, daniel."

he’s stunned, "nena, really. i promise it was nothing-"

"you stand there and promise me that it's nothing but you can't even tell me what you were doing?! if it was nothing, you’d tell me the fucking truth!"

he reaches for you, his heart breaking because it's obvious you're upset.

and not just upset, you're hurt. 

because of him. and he hates that. he hates that he's done something he promised he never would.

you step just out of his reach, "don't-! don't touch me." you take a deep breath, fighting off tears, "if you’re cheating on me just fucking tell me so i can go. so i can stop letting you make a fool out of me." it's bitter and your voice breaks.

"no..." his voice is so soft, a stark contrast to your own, "mami, i- i’m not cheating on you. i would never." he stammers, stepping closer, reaching out again and this time you let him. 

he takes your hands in his, rubbing the backs of them gently, "i was trying to keep it a secret. a surprise." he whispers and lets out a soft sigh, then he lets go of your hands walking over to the backpack you didn't see him put down on his way in.

he comes back with a bundle of cloth in his hands and a notebook, holding it out to you.

you take the notebook first. skeptical as you look at him and then back down at it. flipping it open.

inside is notes. odd measurements. cups, quarts, weight in ounces, "danny, what even is this?"

he flips to a page for you. inside is a taped copy of one of his mom's recipes. it's your favorite. something complicated and tedious to make but so rewarding to eat.

you look back up at him and he offers a smile, pressing the bundle of cloth into your hands.

you take it, opening it to see... an apron? on the chest his name is embroidered in cursive. you run your fingers over it softly. Danny.

"i’m sorry i made you think that i was cheating, mami. i was..." he trails off blushing deep, a little embarrassed as he scratches the back of his head, "i started taking cooking classes. i wanted to surprise you."

you look back up at him, eyes wide and still a little wet.

"you’re always cooking for me. shoo-ing me out of the kitchen because I'm useless at it," he laughs, "but i wanted to do something for you. you deserve it. and i should try and do better."

your heart swells and tears pool in your eyes again but for a different reason. you can't help but sob a little and danny immediately pulls you into his arms.

neither of you says anything. until you finally let out a soft, "i hate you." 

he smiles into your hair, "i love you too.”

[pr3ttym3l]

WRIOlLETTE CONTENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOHOOOO (nsfw fanfic!!!)

as I enter the house, exhausted from work, I sigh. Who knew being a duke would be so fucking tiring? I slowly walk to the kitchen to find my husband cooking something. I softly walk behind him and hug him tight, "Whatcha cooking...?" I ask, my voice hoarse with tiredness. "Dinner..." he replies. There's something about his voice that makes me go absolutely insane, maybe it's how soft it is, or maybe it's just him. "Hmm..." "Rough day?" he asks. I love how affectionate he is, he always worries about me whenever I'm tired or not. "Yes... I need hugs..." He sighs and turns off the stove, grabs my hand, and we walk to our bedroom. He sits on the bed as I tower over him... Gosh, I really need to learn to control my instincts. "C-can you not look at me like that..." "Like what?" he said in a innocent tone, i can feel my pants tightening up as i look at his beautiful skin, i just want to grab him and make him mine forever. "neuvi…" i whisper "you're doing this on purpouse arent you?"…he softly bites his lip and thats when i loose all control i still i had, i pin him down on the bed and kiss him so hard he moans, im pretty sure our neibghours heard him, not that i mind, i softly pull away and look at him, he is so..beautiful… "p-please wrio..be gentle..im only little compared to you after all…~" I couldn't help but kiss his cheek as he said that. "Of course, hun... tell me if it hurts, mkay?" As he nods, I softly remove my pants and shirt, now only in my boxers. I do the same to him, now we are both only in our underwear as we kiss softly.

My fingers trace the delicate curve of his spine, sending shivers down his back. He arches into my touch, a soft moan escaping his lips. The air thickens with anticipation, the scent of desire a palpable force between us. I deepen the kiss, tasting the sweetness of his mouth, exploring every contour with my tongue. He meets my passion with equal fervor, his hands gripping my shoulders, nails digging slightly into my skin.

I break the kiss, breathless, and gaze into his eyes. They are wide with longing, pupils dilated with desire. I can see the trust he places in me, the vulnerability he willingly offers. "Are you sure?" I whisper, my voice husky with emotion. He nods, his eyes never leaving mine. "Please," he breathes.

With a tenderness that belies my earlier intensity, I slowly push him back onto the bed. His underwear is discarded, revealing the soft, pale skin beneath. I trail kisses down his neck, his collarbone, his chest, each touch eliciting a soft whimper. My hands explore his body, learning every curve, every hollow, every secret place. He writhes beneath me, his body trembling with anticipation.

I move lower, my lips tracing a path down his stomach. He gasps as I reach his navel, his hands clenching the sheets. I can feel his pulse quickening beneath my touch. I continue my descent, my breath hot against his skin.

My lips close around him, and he cries out, his body arching off the bed. I savor his taste, his scent, his every reaction. I am in control, but I am also completely lost in the moment, consumed by the intensity of our connection. He is mine, and I am his, and in this moment, nothing else matters.

I continue to pleasure him, my tongue and lips working in harmony to drive him to the brink of ecstasy. He begs me to stop, but I can't, I won't. I want to take him all the way, to show him how much I desire him, how much he means to me.

Finally, he can take no more. He explodes in my mouth, his body convulsing with pleasure. I swallow him whole, savoring every drop. He collapses back onto the bed, gasping for breath, his body slick with sweat.

I look down at him, my heart overflowing with love. He is beautiful, perfect, and he is mine. I climb onto the bed beside him, pulling him close. He snuggles into my arms, his head resting on my chest.

"That was... amazing," he whispers.

"I know," I reply, kissing his forehead. "And we're just getting started."

I roll him over, so that he is on his hands and knees. He looks back at me, his eyes wide with anticipation. I can see the desire burning in his gaze.

I position myself behind him, my cock throbbing with need. I reach out and spread his cheeks, revealing his tight little hole. I lick my lips, savoring the moment.

"Ready?" I ask.

He nods, his breath coming in ragged gasps.

I slowly push inside him, stretching him open. He cries out in pain, but I don't stop. I want to fill him completely, to take him all the way.

Finally, I am all the way inside him, my cock buried deep within his hole. He moans, his body trembling with pleasure. I begin to thrust, slowly at first, then faster and faster.

He meets my rhythm, his body moving in perfect sync with mine. We are one, connected by our desire, our love. I pound into him, harder and harder, until we are both screaming with pleasure.

Finally, I can take no more. I explode inside him, my body convulsing with release. He cries out, his body arching off the bed.

We collapse back onto the bed, gasping for breath, our bodies slick with sweat. I look down at him, my heart overflowing with love.

[dr-drckken]

Day 30: Character Wishlist

1/2. Mike and Sully: I have made this call every year and I don't give a shit I WILL MAKE IT AGAIN! I will make it until someone takes me up on it! Or until two people come together to finally bring THEM together. I am literally staring at the cake toppers of these two fuckers from my nephew's recent birthday. They'd be fun!!! The demon lore is FUN!! There's so much that could be done with the two of them, and they're just sitting there in the vault of untapped potential.

3. Jackson Storm: I can't believe he still hasn't been taken up....the disrespect....to me....personally... look, I know he's an antagonist and I know he doesn't seem to have any good traits within the movie but that was the movie and yOU all are brilliant, talented, creative individuals who could turn him into a dynamic and well rounded character!!! I KNOW IT!!

4. Chick Hicks: Now y'all got me going on a car rampage here!!! But someone sure as shit better get Chick Hicks before I do. Emma already has to deal with me enough as it is, I cannOT get him!!!! I can't!!! And I am being tested by the gods every time another group of Cobra Kai episodes drop because the desire to get a long term rival who will then bring his evil ways of the magick grand prix to swynlake to piss off said long term rival.....you guys gotta take it away from me !!

5. Mater: I can't not mention him if I'm going on my Cars Propaganda rampage. HE IS PRIME REAL ESTATE FOR THIS ROLE PLAY PEOPLE! Small town country man??? like are you joshin me? he could literally be every one of our transplant girl's hallmark dream man. he needs to be here to humble bitches. i'm TIRED of not having him around.

as you can see this is the part of the task where i am going to bully you all into getting the characters i want around 🔫🔫

6. Peter Pan: look, he's basically the only character from the franchise who hasn't been here and while that is soooooooo fucking funny, seeing as he is the TITULAR role, it's getting a bit silly at this point. right? oh good you agree! so yes, where is he? i think with all the fairy politics going on that he would fit right in that bag, but there's also the fae or just an immortal dude or whatever you could possibly imagine!! i am sat and waiting for him so...chop chop.

7. Merpeople: we have lost many good soldiers this year and think we need to repopulate!! i still love the mermaid lore and would love nothing more than to get another but i am full up, you see. so alas. but YOU, you can!!! i know you want to. getting to write a character who cannot expose themself and has to pretend their a mundus while being one of the more marginalized groups of magicks is soooo good. and as someone with a potential hunter in my group, i can offer you good plots!!!!! promise!!!!

8/9/10. Neera, Aldar, and Bruton: these skeletons.....they compel me....look i want a dragon as much as the next person, they dope as hell okay. i get it. I GET IT. and i think they should be here in swynlake. we have mushu and he deserves friends!!! even if these three arent necessarily here for fun, they can have it as a treat! also i am someone who loved the star wars prequels for the politics, okay, fucking sue me!!! and i think getting to add to the lore of our world through this lens of the order of the dragon is saauuurrr cool. ough, someone better get these cuties. like im literally on my knees begging, you dont understand...

[charbored]

It was somehow even worse than yesterday

LONG ASS RANT BELOW

I almost didnt even get to meet my friends (they all go to another class) and at rhe end of the day after school my teacher fuckin yapped to me for 10 minutes about a friend of mine saying I want to change classes. I told her multiple times it was just a joke [even tho its not ive very seriously considered it] and she still continued and she fucking talked with other teachers about it too

Shes so fuckin stupid istg she said like

"When we talk in the class you aLwAyS turn away cLEarLY marking you dont WaNT to talk to them and they all aCcepT it. They are all so kIND and always rEspeCT you"

yeaaah when my entire class shows no interest at all in being with me for 3 crushing years its nothing, when I finally just accept it and find other friends, its suddently my fucking fault. IM pushing THEM away. OFCOURSE YK THATS HOW THAT WORKS SURE 😊😊

Its DEFINITELY not like she was one of the many teachers that had to somehow place me with another group whenever we could choose ourselves because NOONE WOULD EVER CHOOSE ME nooooo its me i chose to be singled out each fucking time we had to do any kind of group activity

Its TOTALLY not like people sighed EVERY. TIME. they had to work with me.

Its not like ive ALWAYS had to stand at the sides, sit alone, quietly.

Its SOOOO my choice yasss gurlie you figured it out wow congrats i didnt even figure that out myself

"i want you to have a bigger circle of ppl you hsng out with 🥺"

Mmm but i dont anytime our friend circle was bigger someone started drama, it split up in smaller groups and i felt so stressed and excluded. This is the absolutely perfect friend group for me to feel comfortable

"what about eArlier, you were working with X, shes nice"

Yeah shes nice. So are 9383 other people yet they arent all my friends. I dont have the energy to make any new friends none of us will go to this school next year anyways and i am completely fine with the friends i have

"Youre a very deEp person"

"yOUrE a DeeP pErsOn" you can just fucking say you mean im quiet and that neither you or anyone in this class knows anything about me i know you mean that

And she said that IN CONTRAST to my friends, implying they arent "deep persons" or wtf she means by that, Theyre the only ppl at school that would ever reach out to me or miss me, the ppl i love with my whole heart and would give my life for.

ALSO she was very much implying they are more energetic/carefree whilst im not at all🙂🙂🙃🙃🙃 dang its not like ive been fucking mentally ill all the time youve known me and am feeling way too fucking exhausted to even get out of bed most of the time, only doing it because ill meet my friends who im so comfortable around that i actually yk CAN be energetic and carefree

That hit me like a fuckin brick cause I KNOW. Its really fucking bothering me because at my core I am VERY energetic, very carefree, very silly and goofy and open and happy. It fucking HURTS to get reminded that I clearly come across as someone who is none of those things because i CANT be all of those things anymore, im so fucking tired all the time, the only people I can trust enough to be that with irl are my friends and im not even fully open around them.

Just gimme a fucking break already bitch

Byeee gang im goin to school again 😔

[gibbearish]

tells my boyfriend im overwhelmed lately bc ive had 0 alone time for almost a full month now bc we have a friend staying with us until we can get set up in the new house and he goes "oh yeah that sucks im sorry :(( but hey soon ill be working till 10 every night just like (roommate) so whenever we both work youll have most of the day to urself!" i go hide in the closet come out to make a drink and he sits in the kitchen and silently watches me make the drink the entire time

[myymi]

if im not too late with the drabbles;

tails has a really bad nightmare about westside (parent abandonment or another traumatic incident) and he goes to his big bro sonic for some emotional support and cuddles

feel free to ignore this if they arent open :)

word count-1369

ao3

--------------------

He’s tired of running.

He’s tired of being chased.

But he doesn’t want to get hurt, so he keeps running despite how out of breath he was.

That is, until a figure steps out in front of him, causing him to skid to a stop.

Their head was a blurry mess, which he assumes is because of the tears in his eyes.

Somewhere in his mind he knows the real reason, but he doesn’t get much chance to think on it when more blurry figures surround him.

The forest scenery he’d been running through started morphing into other things. The village, the beach, other clearings around the island, until everything went black.

Everything but those damn figures.

They approached him, causing him to shrink down. He couldn’t do anything. They were blocking any chance of running, and everyone knows he’s far too weak to fight back.

His breathing quickened even more as he curled into him, biting down sobs as he prayed to some God out there to protect him despite knowing nobody would do anything for him.

He was a deformed freak. Why would someone save him?

One of the figures grabbed him, and then everything disappeared.

He was trapped in an endless void as voices bounced around the air, insults worse than anything you could think of thrown at him from every angle.

He just had to take it.

Covering his ears did nothing to drown it out.

A few voices were more prominent than the others. He recognized them.

How could he not, when they were laughing about how much better their life was now that he was no longer a part of it?

The voices eventually merged into one, the sentence being repeated over and over.

It started as some random one he’d heard years ago, then morphed into those of his ex-family’s. His older brother, mother, hell even his father despite the fact he hadn’t heard his voice since he was one year old.

It didn’t stop changing.

It eventually morphed into his new family.

First, Shadow.

Next, Rouge.

Vector, Cream, Silver, Espio, Charmy.

Amy then Knuckles. Until, finally..

It was Sonic.

“Why would anyone want a freak like you in their family?”

–

Tails’ eyes shot open, breathing uneven and he felt his fur sticking to his skin in the most uncomfortable ways possible due to all the sweat.

His quick breaths slowed as he looked around, recognizing his bedroom.

He was fine.

No one was chasing him.

With a groan, the fox pushed himself into a sitting position. He brought a hand up to rub at his eyes, pausing when he felt the trail of tears on his muzzle.

He swallowed dryly, suddenly feeling very dehydrated. He glanced at his digital clock as he pulled his blanket off to the side, not caring about neatening it. He had to wash it and his sheets anyway because of all the sweat.

3:37 AM.

Tails wiped away his tears as he exited his room, socked feet taking careful steps on instinct to avoid all the creaky planks.

He hated the noise they made. He really needed to fix it.

The kit used the wall for support as he descended down the stairs. He took a deep breath as he made his way to the kitchen.

He stopped in the living room.

Sonic was on his couch, sprawled out in a way that could not be comfortable in any way. Drool spilled from the corner of the hedgehog’s mouth, snores louder than most of the fox’s machinery filled the air.

Tails wanted to roll his eyes at the scene. It wasn’t unusual for Sonic to crash at his place unexpectedly–he did have a key–but did he always have to use the couch? He had a bedroom of his own for this specific reason.

But the fox’s breath felt caught in his throat at the sight of the older, his nightmare flooding his brain full force.

“Why would anyone want a freak like you in their family?”

His ears pressed against his head as new tears piled in the corner of his eyes. He swiped at them, but more immediately took their place.

His breathing started picking up pace and, before he knew it, he was in front of Sonic, his ungloved paw hovering above the hedgehog’s shoulder.

He forced his body to freeze, biting his inner cheek.

Tails is 8 years old now. He shouldn’t be running to his big brother because of a bad dream. He’s old enough to deal with these on his own.

But no matter how hard his mind begs his body to leave the teen be, it’s a losing battle.

His hand makes contact with the hedgehog’s shoulder, shaking it as softly as he can to tell the other he’s not a threat.

“Why would anyone want a freak like you in their family?”

With a grunt, Sonic’s eyes slowly opened as he looked up to see who woke him. Tails immediately regrets it, the teen looks exhausted.

That exhaustion seemed to disappear when Sonic saw the tears welled up in the younger’s eyes.

“You okay?” His voice was groggy, still catching up to the rest of his body being awake. The little fox shook his head as the teen sat up.

“C’mere, kid.” Sonic gave him a sympathetic smile as he opened his arms, inviting the kit to lay on him. Tears finally spilled over as Tails crawled into his hero’s arms.

Sonic shushed the younger, his left hand petting the kit’s head as his right held him close. The kid buried his head into the older’s neck, hiding his tears.

“D’ya have a bad dream, bud?” The teen asked quietly, his head leaning against the fox’s as he gently rocked them.Tails’ head bobbed ever so slightly, hands gripping the hedgehog with a strength you wouldn’t expect an eight year old to possess.

Sonic hummed, letting the kit know he heard him as he continued the slow rocks and gentle pets. He kept it up until the sobs quieted, the death grip on his back easing as the younger pulled away.

The hedgehog frowned at the sight of his brother’s face. It was obvious he had been crying even before waking the teen up, his eyes were too red and his fur was a complete mess.

“Wanna talk?” The older asked, using the hand that was petting the fox to wipe away his tears.

“I-It–” Tails shook his head and leaned into the touch, “It was just.. Bad memories. Westside.” The kit tried not to talk too much, his throat feeling scratchy. He needed some water, but he didn’t want to get up.

“Again?” Sonic frowned. The fox had been having a lot of nightmares about Westside recently.

“I-I know, I’m sorry.” The boy bit his lip, suddenly thinking that this was a terrible idea.

“No, don’t apologize, li’l bro. Not your fault.” The teen pulled the younger into another hug, feeling how much he was shaking.

“Still. I-It’s childish to run to you every time.” Tails grumbled, but he didn’t pull away from the hug. He cuddled into his hero, his namesakes providing them warmth as they curled around.

“Nothin’ wrong with being childish. Or needing help.” Sonic shook his head. He had to break the kit free from that thought process, but he just couldn’t figure out how to do it.

The fox didn’t respond, just closed his eyes as he worked on evening out his breath.

The teen hummed as he moved to lay back down, pulling the cover over the two of them without releasing his hold on his little brother.

“Get some sleep, buddy.” Sonic whispered as he scratched the spot behind Tails’ ears to help ease him. “We can deal with it in the morning.”

The fox nodded as he shifted slightly to be more comfortable, mumbling a quiet goodnight to the older.

The hug paired with the gentle petting made it easy for the kid to fall asleep. He was out within a few seconds.

Sonic sighed, pressing his forehead against the younger’s.

He just wishes there was something he could do to make the nightmares leave his little brother alone.

[talesfromawannabewriter]

@things-arent-what-they-seem66

(sorry again, it’s finals week, so I may be a bit slow at updating)

By the time Ada and Lucifer arrived back to the manor the lovely lady was feeling a little, frisky.

Ada: Hey? I was wondering…if you had any room left for dessert? Because I think you deserve a little treat.

She whispered seductively into his ear as the two made their way upstairs. Their children gone to sleep long ago. Lucifer thought about it, and though he was a bit tired, he would always have room for anything Ada would give him.

Lucifer: Yes.

Ada grinned and with strength he almost forgot she had lifted him into her arms and rushed up the stairs. Which Lucifer was impressed with her still wearing heels and all. As soon as they made it to the bedroom she placed Lucifer on the large soft bed. She turned to quickly shut and lock the door. Not going to take any chances.

As soon as she turned a wolfish grin spread on not just her lips but also on Lucifer’s. As he watched his girlfriend strip from her gown. Even though she was beautiful in it, he much preferred her like this. She made her way over she was soon out of her bra and in nothing but her now soaking wet underwear. Ada: What do you want baby?

Lucifer’s eyes trailed down to her panties and he licked his lips. Ada smirked as she got the message. Pounced right on him and proceeded to sit on his face. With his teeth he managed to lower the panties down and proceeded to eat her out. Ada gasped at the way his wicked tongue explored her cave.

Her thighs clenched around Lucifer’s head squeezing it ever so tightly. Lucifer was in complete bliss as he felt himself slipping into paradise.

Leathery Love

@things-arent-what-they-seem66 here's part one, hope you enjoy

and @lilacwriter07 enjoy your early Christmas present

Lilith: I'm leaving you Lucifer

After twenty years of marriage never did Lucifer ever imagine those words ever being uttered from the love of his life's lips. Especially not on the day of their wedding anniversary.

Lucifer: What?

Was all he could say to Lilith who looked both tired and disappointed with him as she sat at the table with her arms crossed. They were supposed to be eating a meal together, drinking some wine, then watching a movie. They were at home at Lilith's insistence from a few days ago. She said she wanted to spend the evening with just him. No one else was to see what she wished to do.

He just thought she wanted to try something new. Not break his fucking heart in private so no one can see him cry.

Lilith: I said I'm leaving you Lucifer, I want a divorce.

Lucifer felt his heart start to pace as his breathing slowly turned erratic.

Lucifer: But, but, but I, I don't...why Lily

Lilith bristled at the nickname for a moment before answering.

Lilith: Because I no longer wish to be in a relationship where I fell out of love with you years ago. I swore that when Charlie moved out, I would finally bring myself to get out of a place that has only brought me misery.

With that she stood up and headed upstairs. Lucifer was still reeling when about five minutes later she was coming back down with two bags full of her stuff. Her stuff. Lucifer's eyes widened at the sight of them. It meant,

Lucifer: Lilith please, I beg of you don't go! Please! Lilith

He ran to her when she got to the doors. She stared him down as he stood in front of her exit; however, Lucifer could only stare up with tears starting to stream out onto his pale cheeks.

Lucifer: Lilith...please my darling I'm sorry for whatever I did wrong.

Lucifer then proceeded to do something he'd never thought he'd do in his lifetime due to the man's humungous pride and ego.

Beg

He fell on his knees, clasped his hands together, and begged for her to change her mind. Never did Lucifer ever felt so pathetic in his entire existence. He thought that it would get Lilith to at least think about doing something other than divorce. However, the thirty-eight-year-old singer had already made up her mind a long time ago.

Lilith: I'm sorry Lucifer, but I don't think you were ever meant to be mine.

With that she stepped aside, threw open the doors of their large, grand home and walked out. Never to step inside her former home again. All while Lucifer kneeled on the ground in total despair. It was only when he heard a car engine turning on did, he turn around and saw Lilith pull out of the driveway with her purple convertible and proceed to drive away did he close the door behind him to let out the anguish sob that had built up in his throat.

--

(Two months later)

Lucifer felt like his life was slowly falling apart. Ever since Lilith left, she had been sending him papers and been talking through her lawyer to him. Lilith had been one the most shining aspects of his life. In the entirety of their marriage, he devoted to making her happy. Including to working hard to provide for the both of them. So that way she could work on her music career. He bought her anything she wished for; heck he'd buy her the greatest diamond in all the world to make her happy.

In the end he guessed it just wasn't enough. When she sent him the final paperwork to sign off on their divorce completely shut the once proud, strong man down. Lucifer hadn't been out of the house in weeks and had mostly been taking to moping around the house. Or just laying all day in his bed, not sleeping, just staring up the ceiling, wall, or even occasionally the tv in his room that he put on for white noise. He didn't even go to the office.

Which would have been worse if Lucifer wasn't the boss of his toy company. Even if lately, he's been having his brother/partner Mammon and his assistant Moxxine take care of his work for him. Speaking of family, his brothers, sisters, and even daughter had seen how bad his depression had been and wanted to help him. Especially his daughter Charlie, who went to her Uncle Ozzie and begged for her to find a way to make him feel better. Since him and Ozzie have been the closest out of all seven siblings. Oz had an idea, but he didn't know if it would work

Lucifer: A sex dungeon?!

Lucifer sat across from his brother in his living room while in his robe. Oz noticed he also had deep, dark bags underneath his eyes. His hair looked a bit oily, and he appeared to be growing some hair around his muzzle. However, despite his shaggy appearance his body was rigid, his stark blue eyes wide awake as he took in what his brother just suggested.

Ozzie: Hun, please I know this might seem a lot and too soon after...

Lucifer: I don't care about ugh her. Look Oz even if I wasn't hung up over losing my wife, I don't think it would be right to go to fucking prostitutes!

Ozzie: But that's the thing though I really think these girls or boys can help you, Luci!

Lucifer: How!? How in the hell can they help me!?

Ozzie: By helping you get over Lilith. If you're with one those bad guys down, there soon Lilith will be nothing more than a distant memory. Plus, I distinctly remembering you telling me about this one domniatrix porno you kept watching. You kept telling me how you wish you could be Lilith's naughty boy. Well now you can do that! Just you know not with her.

Lucifer: I told you about that. Since when?

Ozzie: Since that time at that barbeque back in July where you got drunk and confessed to me.

Lucifer must've been hard hammered drunk to have told his brother about that. Since usually Lucifer was extremely private when it came to what happened in his bedroom. The blond man opened his mouth to once again reject his brother's offer but then stopped to think about it. It had been so long since he'd been in the warmth of someone's arms in the bed. Even before Lilith left, she had been distant from him for quite some time.

It actually was the reason for Lucifer looking up on those sites in the first place. He knew no love would be with the person he'd be with; he still wanted to forget about his heartbreak. Even if it was for only one night. Taking a breath, he looked straight at his expecting brother and said,

Lucifer: Alright, I'll go.