#back to normal programming now

[updatingranboo]

please redirect all your starkid musical asks to bug @end3rboy as he can’t see them here and he will love to talk more abt it LMAO

[thebugautistic]

HeM AHEHM AHHEM HEM . COUGHS COUGHS CLEARS THROAT . COUGHOUGH HOCHGHCKGHGK HACK . CLEARS THROAT SLICKS HAIR BACK. HI TRIVIA BOT

The buff saga that occurred on my YouTube community posts so far

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

hope you feel better soon!

I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!

[channelslam]

😭😭😭😭😭😭

[neostarz]

Hey yall sorry for not making much art lately, pretty sure my large pile of homework (that I should probably be doing right now) is part of the reason but yeah I haven't been feeling like making actual art lately. Once school's over I'm gonna try to be a little more active again

Now in the meantime I would like to present to you my little doodle of Hermes and Tiresias (featuring that one quote that everyone always draws them in)

[moon13dreams]

I've been having thoughts about SVSSS and why I love and adore it so much. Past the complex characters, the story, the art, the fics, the fandom, and memes, there was something that pulled me in to read it for the first time and then re-read it so many times after that I couldn't quite articulate until I really thought about it.

Deep down, Scum Villain makes me feel... seen.

Luo Binghe speaks to the hurt optimist turned pessimist with fears of abandonment (that I staunchly ignore) and the worshipful, all encompassing love that I desire, but will never see in my partner (not to that degree at least).

Shen Jiu speaks to the bitter, angry, petty pain and spite I harbor from years of disappointment and resentment from those I once trusted and the ironic loyal-to-a-fault tendencies I still have despite it all.

Shen Yuan validates my constant imposter syndrome, fumbling around with the best of intentions, but not really seeing the full picture and just making up things as I go to just survive.

Shang Qinghua speaks to the tired chameleon that I tend to be in real life that seeks refuge behind a pen-name and self-indulgent stories of worlds and lives I would rather live through than my own reality.

I could go on and on, but suffice it to say, Scum Villain makes a lot of the worst, most guilty, ugly, and self-destructive parts of myself feel seen. And it makes all of those broken pieces feel accepted where they wouldn't be anywhere else. Where they never have been before. That no matter how negatively I view myself, there is always the littlest scrap of hope if only I'm open enough to see it.

I love SVSSS. Perhaps one day, I could learn to love these broken pieces of myself, too.

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

One day

One day I hope people realize that Kitsunami already "broke through his programming" back by issue #56 of Idw Sonic

He had an entire mini arc where he dealt with being without Surge for the first time, and in the real world. He met Sonic and his friends directly, tried to work out what his purpose would be without Surge in his life (gave it a shot trying to devote himself to Sonic, seeing him as the next best thing after Surge). And when it was all said and done, he decided after experiencing more that at Surge's side is where he wanted to be.

As of the recent IDW issues, Kit isn't sticking with Surge "because of programming" and "because he just needs for other characters to friend him and turn him into a better person". He is at her side because he wants to be. He protects her and aids her because he cares about her, not just because he's serving the strongest guy in the room. And he's not interacting with others because he's decided not to give a shit about anyone else other than Surge (because from his pov, even the "good guys" are fake. From his pov, everyone is someone trying to lie and manipulate their way into pulling him and Surge to their side)

Kit already has decided what he wants to do with his life. And he decided it on his own. Not because of anyone else's wants or wishes. That's the whole point of his speech at the end of #56.

He's burying whatever his and Surge's past is and moving forward with his conviction to be with Surge because it's what he wants.

[petit-papillion]

Salty Post Warning

Winning after overtaking the leader in WDC standings (who has already won 6 races and will go on to win 9 more this season) three times and driving the last 10 laps with the throttle stuck: 9.6

Winning after overtaking the leader in WDC standings & winner of the previous 9 races when that driver's car had a brake stuck that led to him to retire a lap later, and your competitive team mate was told to hold position behind you, so no one actually challenged you all race: 10

I know these rankings are always controversial, but it also reminded me of just how high people's expectations of Charles are. Better in all 3 FPs than his teammate, qualified P5 but finished P2, fastest lap, and still only 7.8. Max didn't even race and got a 7.2. Make it make sense.

[hebuiltfive]

Little rant and brain dump post re: mental health + anxiety* under the cut bc this is one of my only safe spaces to do this (and I think it'll help to just go blaaaaahhhhh into this data ether.) * will try to tag for triggers but I keep seeing conflicting posts about how to do those sort of tags so I'm sorry if it's wrong

Normal programming will resume after this short break. Going to make that one the tag for all future brain dump posts I think.

This time next week I'll have made another big, scary step towards "getting better" (which is typed liked that because I hate that phrase) but I don't know how I'm going to cope or what I'm going to be like on the other side of it.

I'm hoping I'm just overthinking (as usual) but what if it kinda breaks me? I don't think it would; nothing so far has, so why would this be different? I think it's just the anxiety trying to play mind games, but it's still really exhausting and is sucking up any excitement I might have which isn't fun.

I am still excited for everything that could come with this, and I know that it will be a safe place but... I'm still questioning whether I'm ready. Which is ridiculous - I'll never be "ready". I can't even say "prepared" because I've had 5 weeks (incl. this upcoming week) to get myself mentally psyched up, so I'm definitely that.

The worst thing is I don't even feel like I can properly talk about it because it is so trivial (hence the rant and brain dump post - at least I can get this out of my system). I've written down everything that's making me feel anxious about next weekend, and it does help to visualise the words, but it also helps reinforce the idea that it's all dumb and that I should just get over it. It's been 5 years (of this really bad stint); 10 since I was diagnosed; 15+ since it began being a problem for me.

I'm just tired, at this point. Tired of not being able to just do the things that used to bring me joy without either hating every second because ✨lurking panic✨, or because it kills me off mentally (sometimes physically) for about a week or two afterwards.

I have this little picture of little me by my bed. She's been there since I did therapy 4 years ago. I put her there so I could do some inner child work but now I look at her and just think how badly I'm letting her down. She had such hope and promise for the future and I feel like I fucked it up so badly.

[thenightisland]

me, googling: what is it when you don't feel depressed exactly but you don't feel much of anything else either computer: depression me, googling: no no like. i don't feel sad. but everything frustrates me and i can't focus even on stuff i want to computer: depression + adhd meds not working right me, googling: okay but what about like. the stuff i usually am really into and excited about getting like zero reaction from me? like i cannot feel any of the enthusiasm any of it gave me and nothing i usually enjoy is fun? it just feels like nothing instead? computer: i cannot overstate how much that is literally one of THE textbook symptoms of being depressed me, googling: okay but---

[cosm1nya]

[sob-dylan]

i just got this fucking sick, refurbished bose cd player/radio that got discontinued in 2017 and in just one day it has changed the course of my entire life. i can listen my cds and the radio in my apartment! just like in the days of my youth! my compact discs and and all the radio stations that i love have been liberated from the prison that was my car! they have come home! they have come home!

[discoreptile]

Additional game card art!

[radisyn]

Day 4 of @hot-glenn-holidays-2023 them "Naughty or Nice". idk why the first one wound up so Grinchy but I figured it fit with the theme. I imagine a rock version of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" over it

(also: what are butts anyway?? personally I have never heard of em nor do I apparently know what they look like despite using a photo reference so yes I am aware he is like *ludicrously* caked up but I tire of fiddling with it so here goes lolol)

[suddenrundown]

famously j2 dont even like each other anymore. dan and phil on the other hand

[thenightisland]

i think there should be a secret knock or password speakeasy-style to convey to healthcare people "i am one of you i am not some rando with webmd who thinks antibiotics will treat the flu if i am requesting antibiotics i have already tried all the other measures and have read the clinical practice standards for the condition in question to determine if antibiotics are indicated" anyway a pox upon the temp doctor i dealt with last week who immediately gave me a condescending "it's viralllllll" as i'm reciting all the clinical indicators that it is not in fact viral and all the blessings on my pcp who's known me for twenty years and was like amoxicillin be upon ye!