#backup eclipse literally did nothing to him

[rayofmisfortune]

I swear if they actually end up killing new Eclipse I'm busting down the cardboard wall of their writers room, snatching the script off the table and jotting down my own idea for an arc where Eclipse actually gets a chance at redemption.

STOP OFFING THIS GUY THE SECOND HE STARTS TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF

[idkmanwtfishumanityanymore]

y’all someone needs to ban me from this channel ISTG I just got SO HEATED with someone in a comment section for saying Monty and Puppet are in the right for mocking BloodMoons’ brothers death💀

here’s my comment if y’all were curious. (People who are easily upset/affected by BM’s trauma DO NOT READ FURTHER. I went feral💀🙏)

“You do NOT. want to start this fight. Ahem.”

“FIRST OFF, no one fucking deserves to have a serious loss in their life mocked. I don’t care what they’ve done, if Monty and Puppet want to be any better than BloodMoon, they wouldn’t stoop to his level.”

“SECOND, the murderer part? Have you just COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN that they have a programmed bloodlust they CAN’T GET RID OF? Eclipse programmed them to kill, it’s all they’ve ever known. OF COURSE THEY’RE GOING TO KILL PEOPLE IF IT’S THE ONLY THING THEY KNOW.”

“THIRD, I know you didn’t mention it, but they weren’t “incapable of redemption”, when they were staying with Foxy and FC, (sure they had a bomb in their head, but) they were the most “tame” and calm we’d ever seen. Still snarky and making threats left and right, but they accepted the infinitely-bouncing-chicken and played with it for a while, they mostly just sat in silence when they weren’t being bothered, and if I remember correctly- FC and BloodMoon ended up sparring or something, or it was atleast mentioned that FC wanted to spar with them-“

“FOURTH, EVERYONE THEY’VE EVER TRUSTED, BETRAYED OR HURT THEM. Eclipse, their original creator, already betrayed them by forcing an inescapable Lust for blood on them. Lunar, Lunar was using them to get rid of Eclipse, and inevitably abandoned them. Eclipse AGAIN, not only did he MAKE THEM INTO a backup for himself, and forced his way into their minds, but he also MADE THEM go back to the Pizzaplex when they were perfectly happy on the streets killin’ hobos like TrashMan. KillCode, he claimed to be their father, but did he ever really act like it? Sure he gave them advice and blood, but what else did he do for them? Because from what I remember, it sure wasn’t much. Ruin, Ruin rebuilt them after dying to Sun, and SPECIFICALLY PROGRAMMED them to NEED someone to control them, Ruin claimed to care about them, promised their body had nothing strange about it, but when talking to Solar, BloodMoon was informed of a secret, hidden weak point in their casing, which they VERY MUCH were not happy with. Solar, before they even agreed to help him get back Sun and Moon and defeat Ruin, they had a panic attack because they were afraid they’d be tricked and used again- WHICH HEY GUESS WHAT? IT HAPPENED AGAIN JUST LIKE THEY FEARED, Solar promised them they could go free as long as they didn’t go after the Celestial family, or their friends, which up until Solar said he wanted to KILL THEM, they were listening to! They were back out on the town, killing people like the first time they ran away from someone that claimed could be trusted, (The one before having been Lunar) and they only decided to attack any of the family AFTER Solar said he wanted to kill them. (Not including Lunar, that was before the deal with Solar) Rotaerc/Rodrick, creator in disguise, also just using them as a weapon. StitchWraith, literally threatened to separate them and show them what “True loneliness” felt like or some shit. Monty and Foxy, sure they didn’t TRUST those two, but they were still used. Everyone they’ve ever trusted, has used them, betrayed their trust, or hurt them.”

“SPEAKING OF ECLIPSE AGAIN, WHEN STITCHWRAITH SAID SOMETHING THAT REMINDED THEM OF ECLIPSE, THEY HAD A REACTION I CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS TRAUMATIZED, AT THE THOUGHT OF BEING STUCK WITH SOMEONE LIKE ECLIPSE AGAIN.”

“MAY I ALSO MENTION THAT IN THE EPISODE WITH A REAL BLOOD MOON IN THE SKY, THEY MENTION THAT THEY DON’T LIKE HAVING THIS BLOODLUST? WHEN THEY DON’T CONSUME/SPILL BLOOD, IT’S ALMOST LIKE THE SYMPTOMS OF A SUBSTANCE WITHDRAWAL, WHICH ARE PAINFUL AS HELL.”

“Sorry for the Essay, but I’m 100% willing to go OFF on anyone who just completely disregards that the twins had trauma too. All the villains except maybe Creator, have their own traumas, and I’m sick and tired of everyone ignoring that.”

Y��ALL SOMEONE GET ME AWAY FROM THIS CHANNEL BEFORE I LITERALLY ATTACK SOMEONE AHDHHDHDHFCH /hj

Edit: SCREAMS AND CRIES SUPERSTAR BONGOS REPLIED TO MY COMMENT I COPY-PASTED TO HERE MAKING FUN OF MY AGGRESSION OVER AN OPINION- IDKWHETHER TO LAUGH OR CRY💀🙏

[tsams-is-my-hyperfixation]

FACTS! These bitches need to stop whining over Moon simply not being able to HELP! As much as a therapist as I am (my mom, brothers, friends, and sometimes even people on Tumblr vent to me), it annoys me that the moment people see Moon not helping people, they turn on him and call him a bad brother for not comforting Sun. Bro. Bro. For real just leave him alone!

Like, I'm part Eclipse, Earth, Nexus, Sun, Ruin, and Moon personality wise, and sometimes, I'm just not able to help. There's nothing wrong with that. How are you able to comfort people IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW. Moon is the one who deals with more science and logical stuff rather than magic and emotions. Sure, he was a bit rude for not helping Sun, but how are you able to help someone when they just KILLED somebody. You can't exactly erase that.

People are comparing Moon to Past Nexus, saying that Past Nexus would always comfort Sun and stuff. Well, the people also forget Moon was dead for TWO YEARS. He is unfamiliar with all the ongoing drama, and it's not his fault! He missed 2 years worth of trauma, so of course he lacks the knowledge that Sun went through. But NO, the moment Moon doesn't do anything for Sun, everyone calls him the worst brother ever.

It's honestly unfair that people say Moon is a bad brother for not helping Sun...WHEN THE CELESTIAL FAMILY LITERALLY HATED NEXUS WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT WHO HE WAS IN THE PAST. But NOOOO, that's okay because Nexus turned evil and tried killing Earth, and so he's fine with dyingggg

But everyone glazes pat the fact that Moon, the technological one, the one who's willing to go to other dimensions for good reasons, is BAD because he can't comfort SUN. Everyone is forgetting that Moon has only been around for at least 3-4 months, maybe five, and that he's only just now dealing with the drama.

So answer me this, TSAMS Fandom: Is Moon really a bad person for not comforting Sun, or is it just because your pissed off at him for abusing Sun TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO. Because I can raise a lot of good points.

1): Ruin killing off 5,132 (yes I memorized it) dimensions is acceptable because he 'got rid of the creators', and yes, while I do agree worse things could've happened if he hadn't, he also killed millions upon billions of innocent souls.

2): Eclipse tormenting the celestial family is acceptable because 'hE wEnT tHrOuGh An ReDeMpTiOn ArC aNd GoT bEtTeR' IGNORING THE FACT HE ABUSED AND KILLED LUNAR. AND YES, I KNOW THIS ECLIPSE DIDN'T, BUT I'M TALKING ABOUT THE PAST ONES. I like this current Eclipse.

3): Bloodmoon killing/disassembling Earth is fine because 'He was made to kill it's in his nature' meanwhile when he tried kidnapping Earth again he's the bad guy because y'all love Earth (ya simps 😐)

4): Earth eventually making the therapy sessions about her is fine because 'she needs to vent' when she can just ASK someone if she can vent to them, she doesn't need to make every goddamn therapy session about herself.

5): Lunar killing Eclipse is fine because it's 'payback' for when he killed him. Oh, so we're ignoring the 'Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right' saying now?

6): SUN killing 3 people is okay because it's 'self defense'. Oh? I get by law that it can be ruled out as self defense, but that doesn't excuse the fact that he did it.

Now, think about it. Compared to all of this evidence, is Moon worse or better for not fucking COMFORTING SUN. Like goddamn, just drop it!!! I know I sound biased, and maybe I favor Moon a little bit, but someone who forgives people for their mistakes rather than bring them up as blackmail is better.

@ikamigami @noinoi999 @multifandomcutie13 @silly-a-777 @mrdairyy @ohgodallthefandoms-backup @coffee-the-bat

watching Sams tumblr completely turn on moon simply because he’s emotionally unavailable is so fucking funny to me

like, YouTube comments has more Marcy then tumblr does

and as someone who’s emotionally unavailable (and unstable), I do understand where he is coming from but people think he’s horrible for not being there for his brother and, all I ask is for people to try to put themselves into the character shoes and think, how the fuck can moon help his brother after killing someone?

[bitterkarmaa]

*KICKS DOWN YOUR DOOR*

WHY HELLO THERE I HAVE COME HERE TO DAY TO ANALYSE A CERTAIN PIECE OF YOUR WRITING

Lets begin:

---

Oh, how his mind drags him on, teaching him the steps to a dance he already knows, but loathes all the same.

“KC!”

Eclipse stiffens for the hundredth time today, eyes growing wider the deeper he falls into the memory.

“KC! YOU CAN’T LET THEM DO THIS!!”

His systems begin to overheat, vents coming in quick, short intervals that do nothing to prevent his impending panic.

“IT WASN’T MY FAULT!”

He doesn’t hear the door click softly open, doesn’t hear the footsteps that approach him.

“Let him go.”

A hand reaches out to him, hesitating to touch his shaking shoulder.

“LET HIM GO!”

---

SO THIS. LETS TALK ABOUT THIS.

My first thought? This was the point when Eclipse was being taken away to be decommissioned.

Clearly this happens after the Big Incident (i'm assuming Eclipse was blamed for a child or persons death) and the final two lines (Let him go) were spoken by KC who at the last minute chose to try and reach out to save Eclipse.

NOW THIS RAISES ANOTHER QUESTION - did KC believe also that Eclipse had commited a terrible sin, or was it holding back from interfering because of fear for its own existence? Maybe simply shock? Stuck in a state of processing that didn't quite click until he realised they were taking his son away to be literally killed?

When KC menrions Eclipse being stuck in that room (maybe the same room Eclipse had such panic over in the first fic?) was that room the same one Eclipse had been confined in before being inevitably decomissioned?

ALSO if i'm not mistaken, KC is the reason Eclipse managed to survive right? My guess is he was too late to stop Eclipse's chip from being pulled but he mayhaps did a murder of the humans and somehow managed to recover Eclipse's AI (either via backup or restoration from lingering code that survived)

I HAVE SO MUCH BRAIN WORMS OVER THESE TWO ASHDFS anyways that's my thoughts for now i'm gonna go back to reading your drabbles and fics so i'll be back if i get any more wormys ;D

(Side note: someone should 100% get Eclipse a toy wolf it would be very fun to see how he reacts to that - also did mr howls survive? Imagine if maybe Rays finds it during one of his raids in a storage room/lost and found ashdj or maybe he finds a different plush that is similar! BUT THEN AGAIN maybe KC still has the original somewhere himself? WHO KNOWS!)

DING DING DING WINNER

I’ll answer these to the best of my abilities without spoiling too much :)

Q: Did KC believe Eclipse was at fault for The Incident?

A: For a while, yes. It struggled to find evidence that proved Eclipse innocent, and since it abides mainly by logic it didn’t really have any reason to assume the best of Eclipse, despite being his father.

Q: Was the room KC mentioned the room Eclipse was placed in prior to his decommissioning?

A: Yes. That was the room.

Q: Was KC the reason Eclipse survived?

A: Yes. It made it in time to hold him as his physical body shut down :( he then grabbed the remnants of Eclipse’s chip and scampered away.

Q: Did Mr. Howls survive?

A: YES! Mr. Howls is still intact, if a bit worn. KC has him and makes sure that the fabric doesn’t deteriorate too fast since it’s such a yucky room that it stays in.

I AM SO GLAD MY BRAIN-WORMS ARE CONTAGIOUS <33 they have AT LEAST 60% of my brain rn

Also, if you or anyone else finds other dialogue prompts, or perhaps makes a few, even, feel free to request them with either past or present KC and Eclipse! I will write so much for these two right now istg

[suitofvibraniumarmor]

** Writing Challenge **

I know, I know, my next one isn’t quite wrapped up yet, buttttt this idea came to me when my cousin and I were taking a walk down a ridiculous part of Memory Lane and I got excited. I’m guessing this has been done before at some point -- that’s not stopping me from presenting to you: 

I love fluff. And I wanna see more of it! 

Below the cut you will find some prompts that, in the context of Twilight, are absolutely cringe-worthy. My challenge to you is to take that prompt and make it something we can love. 

Disclaimer: I’m not Twilight-shaming ANYONE. I literally sat and watched all of Eclipse and now want to watch both Breaking Dawns. It’s more about sentiment, and the occasional girly giggle for me, but ... yeah. No judgement here, friends. 

Guidelines, prompts, and tags are below the cut! (Yes, I copied and tweaked from my last writing challenge. I’m being efficient, thank you! :P )

Please read all of the information carefully!

Rules, Guidelines, Important Dates:

Sign-Ups start when this post is live and will go through to December 30, 2020. I will accept two people for each prompt, one prompt per author.

Please send your sign-ups to my ask box so they’re easier to keep track of. I will answer them privately so I’m not flooding anyone’s dash!

In your ask, please include your preferred prompt and a backup option, as well as your pairing (so I don’t take the same pairing for the same prompt). Also, please let me know if you’ll be posting from a URL other than one you’re asking from.

To be included in the challenge masterlist, please post your fic (or the first part, if it’s a series) by Decemeber 31, 2020.

Please include an author’s note tagging me and mentioning the challenge in your fic post; include #BetterThanTwilightWC in the first five tags. If the tag doesn’t work, you may DM the link to me, also. If you decide to write a series, please tag me in the masterlist.

Please give me up to 48 hours to read your fic before checking if I have seen it. If I have not liked it after 48 hours, please DO check. (You know, since we’re all aware of how unreliable tumblr is. And how unreliable my mind can be. Yikes.)

The challenge masterlist will be posted between January 1 and January 4, 2020.

There are no word count limits, but please use the Keep Reading feature if your story goes beyond 500 words. Additionally, if your fic goes beyond 5000 words, please consider splitting it into multiple parts. This is not a requirement, only something to think about.

Yes, this is a FLUFF challenge, so you MUST have fluff as your main genre. You’re more than welcome to include other genres, but you MUST have a happy and/or hopeful ending.

You’re welcome to think outside of the box! Just because I’m talking Twilight and love stories, doesn’t mean there has to be romance! Give me  amazing friendships or strong family bonds or self-love. Or romance! Whatever you’d like. 

You're welcome to change pronouns in the prompt as necessary! Heck, I tweaked a few of ‘em so they’re not Twilight-specific.

For personal reasons, I do not read and will not accept into the challenge (which means I will not reblog or add to the masterlist) stories that include: non-con/dub-con, underage sex, adult-child romantic/sexual relationships, spouse-bashing, child abuse – I could go on, but I think you get the idea. If you’re not sure about something, I’m always happy to answer questions!

Bring on the ships, OC’s, reader pairings – I’m trying to be more open-minded as of late, but I can’t promise that I will read everything. Again, for personal reasons. But I will reblog everything! 

Characters and RPFs from Marvel/MCU are both welcome. 

If you need an extension or need to drop out, please know that I am extremely flexible when it comes to that deadline/due date. In the words of Captain Barbosa, “It’s really more of a guideline.” Just shoot me an ask or a message and we’ll work something out, no worries! 

Prompts: 

1. “I have always loved you, and I will always love you.”  2. “The clouds I can handle. But I can’t fight with an eclipse.”  3. “I know what you are.”  4. “You held out your hand and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing.” 5. “You have a connection with her that I’ll never understand.” 6. “I’m glad she has you.” 7. “It will be like I never existed. I promise.” 8. “I knew who I wanted to be. I wanted to help people. Brings me happiness.” 9. “That will take a while to get used to.” “We have a while.” 10. “What if I’m not the hero? What if I’m the bad guy?” 11. “I’d rather hear your theories.” 12. (sarcastically) “Super. That makes me really happy.” 13. “You’re like my own personal brand of heroin.” 14. “Maybe I shouldn’t be dating such an old man. It’s gross. I should be thoroughly repulsed.” 15. “It’s an extraordinary thing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to and they’ll accept you for what you are.” 16. “I’ve been waiting for what seems like a very long time to get beyond what I am.” 17. “I feel like I can finally begin.” 18. “He’s totally gorgeous, obviously. But apparently nobody here is good enough for him.” 19. “He did say I couldn’t step inside the door. I came in through the window.” 20. “I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth. And I know how to use a gun.” 21. “Now I’m afraid.” “Good.” 22. “I’m not afraid of you. I’m only afraid of losing you.” 23.  “About three things I was absolutely positive ...” 24. “You’re so stubborn.” 25. “Do you know how worried I’ve been?” 26. “I can’t even think about someone hurting you.” 27. “The only thing that can hurt me is you, and I don’t have anything else to be afraid of.” 28. “Don’t antagonize her. She’s the strongest one in the house.” 29. “All right. That’s enough experimenting for one day.” 30. “It never made sense for you to love me.” 31. “I wish there had been someone to vote no for me.” 32. “It’s just a little baby.” 33. “How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?” 34. “I’m not missing another fight!” 35. “No one can hide like me.” 36. “If I asked you to stay in the car, would you?” 37. “I have one condition, if you want me to do it myself.” 38. “I had an adrenaline rush. It’s very common. You can Google it.” 39. “How did you get in here?” “The window.” 40. “I love a happy ending. They are so rare.” 41. “You should put your seatbelt on.” 42. “Can you talk about something else? Distract me so I won’t turn around.” 43. “I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.” 44. “After all the thousand times I’ve told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?” 45. “Maybe that’s why they kicked me out.” 46. “All of my best nights have happened since I met you.” 47. “You know everybody’s staring?” “Not that guy ... no, he just looked.” 48. “She wishes she was that awesome.” 49. “Does he visit often?” “Yeah, all the time.” 50. “Lie ... Lie better.” 51. “I’m Switzerland.” 52. “That should have been our first kiss.” 53. “Would you like to hear my story? It doesn’t have a happy ending -- but which of ours does?” 54. “Another party?” “It’ll be fun.” “Yeah. That’s what you said last time.” 55. “You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. I will always be yours.” 56. “The way he watches you. It’s like he’s willing to leap in front of you and take a bullet or something.” 57. “Kill me! Not him!” 58. “Stay.” “Give me one good reason.” 59. “Yeah, it’s and off day when I don’t get somebody telling me how edible I smell.” 60. “Damn it! You’ll be the death of me, I swear you will.” 61. “If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I’m not afraid of it.” 62. “Do I dazzle you?” 63. “I’m tired of trying to stay away from you.” 64. “Bring on the shackles, I’m your prisoner.” 65. “You are my life now.” 66. “And then we continued blissfully into this small, perfect piece of our forever.” 67. “Nobody’s ever loved someone as much as I love you.” 68. “I don’t know what happened.” “You love him.” 69. “All of sudden it’s not gravity holding you to the planet, it’s her. Nothing else matters. You would do anything, be anything for her.” 70. “You really love her?” 71. “I don’t see the whole point of the rest of the world without her.” 72. “Then I found a promising site ... I waited impatiently for it to load, quickly clicked closed each ad that flashed across the screen. Finally, the screen finished -- simple, white background with black text; academic-looking. Two quotes greeted me on the homepage:” 73. “I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.” 74. “I’ll be fighting for her, too, and I’ll be fighting twice as hard as you will.” 75. “It’s always been him.” 76. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you.” 77. “They’re coming for her.” “They’re not gonna touch her.” 78. “Doesn’t he own a shirt?” 79. “You know, if it weren’t for the fact that we’re enemies and that you’re also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you.” 80. “You have disappeared. Like everything else.” 81. “The absence of him is everywhere I look.” 82. “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.” 83. “Your number was up the first time I met you.” 84. “We all like to drive fast.” 85. “It’s too easy to be myself with you.” 86. “I’ve never given much thought to how I’d die, but dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go.” 87. “Don’t tempt me too far. My patience isn’t that perfect.” 88. “His tone questions my sanity, but it only made me more suspicious. It was like a perfect delivered line by a skilled actor.” 89. “What’s he mad about?” 90. “No measure of time with you will ever be enough.” 91. “I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever.” 92. “We’re gonna be great friends!” 93. “If I had my way, I would spend the majority of my time kissing him.” 94. “Until your heart stops beating.” 95. “I touched the cool miracle of his ski, and I was home.” 96. “Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.” 97. “This isn’t the time to make hard and fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes.” 98. “Leave it to you ... you have to start hanging out with the first weirdos you can find.” 99. “I love him much more than I should, and yet still nowhere near enough.” 100. “I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes.”

Tags for possible interest/signal boosting (if you’re so inclined): 

 @captain-s-rogers​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​​​​​​​​​ @hurricanerin​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @horsesandbandsforlife​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @im-not-an-armrest-im-short​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @captain-rogers-beard​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @shynara51​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @sea040561​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @pinknerdpanda​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @xtina2191​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @jackryanplz​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @beakami​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @heartsaved​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @fullprunerebelstatesman​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @blackwidowismyhomegirl​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @the-murder-strut-murdered-me​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @shield-agent78​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @jennmurawski13​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @okay-maybe-i-like-marvel-too​​​​​​​​​​​​​

[whispedcream]

k so my intro to creative writing class’s prompt this week was fictional breakup so i decided for shits and giggles to write about the cut breakup scene from community college hero book 2 ft my self insert/male!mc x synergy 

mc is kept vague tho so like you could self insert if you want pronouns/hero name are mentioned like once

some things are kept vague for the sake of keeping it two pages long, mostly character names

only differences from canon are that tress doesn’t give the speech at the funeral and nobody shares their names at the end of book 1

tw: book 1 spoiler death mention

-----

Never have I thought that being a superhero, in training, would result in instant trauma. Real life isn’t a comic book after all. It’s just college, it shouldn’t have been that bad. Maybe if past me knew that he’d witness someone literally get blown up. Just maybe, he would have had second thoughts.

I’m still here now though, even after that whole fiasco. The memories are partly vivid. It still feels like a dream. My... friend? Can I even consider her a friend? I never even knew her real name. It feels like I lost someone so close to me regardless. Like a family member you hardly knew.

She ran to me about a threat the children’s hospital received. An anonymous villain somehow planted a bomb inside.

I was like, “We should get the others.”

Origami was like, “There’s no time!”

I listened to her and we drove off. At the very least I managed to send a mass text to our professors. I don’t know if I’d still be alive if it wasn’t for that. The bomb threat ended up being very real. Origami did her thing; turning paper thin, and tried flying the bomb out of the hospital. She didn’t get far. I screamed at her to drop it. Boom. Nothing but confetti.

My fight wasn’t great, but I did manage to hold my ground. Apparently the villain’s power ended up being teleportation of not only herself, but anything within her sight. She called herself the Manipulator. I still think of how she could have just teleported the bomb back into the building and left. She didn’t though.

Once backup arrived, she teleported me out the window. I remember free falling and how generally distraught I was. How boneheaded of me it was to run into something like this. How I should have stopped Origami from rushing off. Luckily, and obviously, I didn’t die. One of my professors has the power of flight. Lucky me.

The Manipulator escaped, but at least the children were safe. Everything after that was a blur until the funeral. Knowing that Origami’s parents couldn’t attend their own daughter's funeral hurt. There wasn’t even a body to bury, just paper. My ‘friends’ were there to support me as I spoke about Origami to the small crowd. Consisting of hospital staff, some families of patients, and the rest of the class. I remember looking at that coffin and feeling nothing but the warmth of my boyfriend’s hand on my own. It felt like I was coming up with a fever.

The semester was cut short a week early; and we were all sent home. I remember my mother running to hug me as soon as I got off the bus. I cried really hard as soon as she held me. Nobody cared enough to bother us, it’s New York City after all. I had a lot of time to think about school over break. Mostly about my relationships with my other classmates. Especially about my boyfriend, Mob. He’s a really great guy. I have zero complaints. We had so many fun study dates with color coded flashcards. Watched some movies in our dorms. I love how he wears glasses over his mask, how dumb it looks. Using his power, absorbing the strength of those around him, he would gently play with the kids at the hospital. Lifting them to the sky so they could pretend to have powers.

Christmas was lonely though. I had no way of contacting him. Imagine not being able to say, “Merry Christmas!” to your own boyfriend. He can’t even meet my mom or tell me happy birthday. I asked my mom for some motherly advice. She told me, “Do what you believe is right.” I don’t know what right is. We don’t even know each other's names. I feel like a fever is overcoming me again. Looking down I see that he’s holding my hand.

“Hey, are you okay?”

I watch the January wind whip around his wild hair without remorse as I bring myself back to the present. Trying to calm myself down I look at my surroundings. We’re at the park, we have class in seventeen minutes, and as of right now we’re safe. My head snaps in his direction too quickly and he flinches in surprise. The feeling of sickness spreads as he tightens his grip on my hand and looks at me with concern. Why does he care so much? Stop caring so much.

“I don’t think this is going to work out.”

Mob swallows hard, but his grip doesn’t slacken. He breathes in while closing his eyes before exhaling. He looks at me and smiles, but it’s so sad. “It’s okay. I get it.” Using his free hand he adjusts his glasses. “Maybe it’s best for the both of us. Considering everything that happened. I’m not mad. I don’t doubt your intentions are good. I never had.” He squeezes my hand one last time before letting go. “No hard feelings.” He moves to flip his parka hood with both hands. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a walk. See you in class Eclipse.”

I watch him go, focusing on the sound of crunching snow. I don’t know if I feel sick or not. My hand, however, feels sweaty.

[narrator-navigator-storyteller]

Chapter One

Super Not-Edited, posting this for you @jailynnsinferno and @itsnotwhoiammomitsjustaphase. Do you love me now?

Read below the cut.

Rolling dice in her hand soothed her anxious mind. The soft clacks, she found, could shoo away doubt and unsure thoughts.

Because a lesson girls in Deidre’s shoes learned when they were young was to never look unsure about anything. Even a stumble in heels, a stutter in words, something as small as these put you directly on the path to an untimely death.

“Men pick up on weakness. You aren’t safe to show any weakness in public.” The advice she was given had saved her life many times.

The men around here didn’t seem interested in finding her weaknesses though. They tried to find curves, to find any more skin showing, to find a voice from the strange girl checking the labels on the doors.

The doors, of course, led to rooms. What Deidre was looking for was meeting room #7; there was no way to find it but with the name.

“Are you lost, miss?” The man was in a suit, he was holding a drink, and he seemed friendly. Then again, all dangerous people seem friendly; it’s part of a facade to get closer to you.

“No, thanks for the concern. Just wandering.” It wasn’t an ideal excuse, but she wanted to shoo him away politely. It seemed all men, not only soldiers, reacted poorly to rejection.

The inquirer seemed to shrug her off, and went to a nearby brightly colored slot machine.

Three restrooms, two storage closets, and Meeting Room #6 later, the label on a dark door showed what Deidre came to a crowded Maine casino for. She thought ahead for what would probably go down.

Found it. Look for Jellyfish Jumble. I’m not waiting.

She almost put on a timer for how long it’d take for backup, but ironically didn’t have time.

Deidre shoved her phone away, puckered her lips, and knocked lightly on the door. It didn’t take long for a man to walk out. “Miss, there is a meeting going on. You’ll have to wait.”

“I know, I’m really sorry, but I’m here for a Mister Thomas Calloway. It’s about his daughter, April.” Was it a dirty lie? Yes. Was it worth it? Entirely.

A deep voice spoke out of the room, “Let her in, Jacob.” Jacob sighed, but did as his boss asked, stepping aside so that Deidre could enter. The people in the room, and seemingly the room itself, were dressed to the nines. It made a quite nice change from the dingy, smoke-ridden air of the casino, which Deidre didn’t remember the exact name of, but she thought it had something to do with fish.

“Is April alright?” The man seemed so concerned. It made sense, she was his daughter after all. But, she’s someone’s daughter too.

“Sorry for interrupting your meeting. Yes, April is fine, she was exhibiting flu-like symptoms so she had to be sent ho…”

“Stop lying, monster.”

Oh, so the contacts didn’t do the magic she thought they did, “I-I’m sorry, what?”

“I said, stop lying. Covering your demon eyes does nothing for the rest of you.”

“Don’t eclipse the lovely sun, my dear.” The speaker’s voice was all too familiar. Deidre instinctively leaned into her backup.

Emilie shot a hard glare at the doorman, a look reeking of “personal business, get out.” He was gone faster than a bullet. Deidre, meanwhile, kept her eyes on everyone else. Her and Em really made a good team.

“You monster, what did you do to April?”

“I haven’t done anything. Unlike you, we don’t stoop low enough to attack our target’s kids. I’m sure she’s at school.”

Em eyes down a girl, who’s hand had reached under her desk, “Do you really wanna start a gunfight? We aren’t here to kill you.”

“Then what are you here for?” A different man asked. He didn’t follow the same rule as Deidre had been taught. His disposition was reeking of anxiety and nervousness. She almost felt bad for him, perhaps that was the act he manufactured.

“Just think of us as seekers of information.” Em eyed the open suitcase, a file with the letters A and N in bold. “How about you give us that suitcase and we go on our merry way, no one dies. “Kay?”

“How about you go back to Hell, where you things belong!” The girl who Em had threatened pulled out a small pistol, something that could be easily concealed in anything pocket-sized.

Within moments, a bullet grazed Deidre’s arm, another following to hit its target. She was knocked to the floor by the force, and forced to stay there by pain.

Around her, the action never ceased. Em ran to disarm the girl with the gun, who kept firing until her gun jammed. Em managed to wrestle her to the ground and snatch it out of her hand. She slammed the girl’s head against the floor so hard that the room expected to hear a crack.

Then, as if that didn’t happen, she stood up, looked the others in the room in the face, and said, simply, “Suitcase please.”

The others parted like the red sea. Deidre didn’t blame them, Emilie managed to walk away from a gunfight with nothing more than a nosebleed.

She grabbed the case, and turned to Deidre. The smallest touch of her arm hurt, like the shot happened again.

“Bathroom. Door to the left, lemme fix you up.” The words were only a whisper, hidden from the others, but her brown eyes showed more concern than would be for anyone else, even allies.

Em helped Deidre to her feet, and handed the suitcase to her uninjured arm. She then stood up with Deidre and glared at the others. “Follow us, and I’ll kill you. I will actually, literally kill you.”

Even Deidre couldn’t tell if she was lying.

She was quickly rushed back into the bustling scene of the Mainan fish casino, with people either too busy or too drunk to care that Deidre was poorly covering a bullet wound. The many bathrooms were all single stall, but Emilie’s flannel under a jacket probably made them less conspicuous to anyone who would notice.

Deidre collapsed about a foot in the room. Lucky for her, Emilie was strong and she was less than five feet tall.

“Do you know how much blood you’ve lost?”

Ah yes, bleeding out, the perfect time to ask questions. “A shit ton.”

“Thanks, dear, that’s really helpful.”

Realizing quickly that questions would be pointless, Em went to orders. Maybe at another time, Deidre would be completely willing to comply. However, Em’s orders were not pleasant, stuff like ‘sit up, and put out your arm’. Regardless, because she would probably kill herself if Em asked nicely, Deidre obeyed every single one.

A dark red, almost like more blood than was already there, formed around her arm. It felt hot, but not in a painful way. It was the kind of hot that is found at an early fall bonfire. Deidre’s mouth almost tasted marshmallows. And just as she got used to it, as always, the red dripped away, leaving her wound looking more like a deep pinprick.

“We need to wash that at home,” Em noted.

“Okay, mom.”

After that, the girls just left. No one stared, or at least, not in suspicion.

“People always stare at pretty girls, Deidre Grim,” Em had said. “It’s just natural.”

And if that’s why people stared at her, maybe she could learn to deal with it.

[husid]

Wednesday Morning Punter - Super Bowl LIII Edition

How have you been the last eight years?

I, like most blog writers am just fine and not at all wallowing in existential doom questioning my own self-worth. But this isn’t about me, this is about you, the beloved readers. So back by the popular demand of no fewer than two people, is a special pre-Super Bowl edition of Wednesday Morning Punter!

Just in time for the final game of the NFL season before real football gets started, today’s issue will tackle a Super Bowl LIII preview, the all important Legacy Stakes, missing prop bets, the unenviable existence of a Patriots atheist living in Boston, and some NFL hodgepodge.

So without further ado, Let’s Punt!

What to Expect When You’re Projecting

What I can guarantee about tonight is that there will be nearly universal disappointment regarding the Super Bowl commercials, Maroon 5 will bring out a halftime show guest singer that will appeal to neither millennials nor baby boomers, and Twitter will have a much needed night focused on something other than Donald Trump, Howard Schultz or AOC.

What I cannot guarantee is just about everything else, starting with the winner of the game. Anecdotal research leads me to believe that most of the experts are picking the Patriots, which is incredible for a team that No One Believes In (more on that later), but it’s by no means a slam-dunk. We know that both teams deserve to be here (Saints fans may disagree, but one call aside, it’s impossible to conclude that both teams aren’t at the very least among the top two teams in their respective conferences). The Pats quickly worked out of an early 1-2 hole to reel off six straight wins and finish at a respectable if somewhat human 11-5, good enough for the AFC’s two-seed. The Rams were even more dominant, busting out of the gate with eight straight wins en route to a 13-3 record and the NFC’s two-seed. Both won their divisional playoff game relatively convincingly before squeezing out dramatic overtime victories in their conference championship games, thanks primarily to resilient offensive play. The two teams didn’t play other this year, but did have five common opponents, including the entire NFC North, and the Chiefs. I don’t put much stock into common opponents as a means of assessing a head-to-head advantage – both because strengths and weaknesses versus one opponent aren’t necessarily transitive, and because the highs and lows every team experiences in a season mean that an opponent one week does not equate to that same opponent on a different week – but for those of you who do, both the Rams and Pats beat the Chiefs in tight regular season games (and the Pats again two weeks ago), and each went 3-1 against NFC North opponents, with the Patriots losing a demoralizing week 3 matchup in Detroit, and the Rams falling in week 14 to Chicago in a defensive showdown.

Frankly, the Patriots are easy to predict. They’re going to show up with a solid game plan, Brady is going to be accurate and minimize mistakes, and the defense will play bend-but-don’t break defense to keep the Pats within striking distance at any point in the game.

The Rams, on the other hand, are a bit more of a wild card, despite being the more consistent team during the regular season. LA only has one offensive star (Todd Gurley), yet finished the year in the top-2 in total scoring and yards per game, and the top-5 in both rushing and passing. But Gurley disappeared two weeks ago (literally and figuratively), starting quarterback Jared Goff is still pretty green, and the Rams D is very much a middle-of-the-road unit.

So what will ultimately decide whether the scrappy Patriots will finally be able to celebrate in Foxborough, or LA pretends like it actually cares about pro football for at least an offseason? My best guess:

• The Gronking of Over-the-Hill House: No one’s worried about his post-game performance tonight at the Gold Club (I know it’s gone, but my knowledge of Georgia strip clubs begins and ends with that fabled establishment), but my confidence in his elite on-field level is not what it once was. Despite his ability to still make a big play, Gronkowski generally looks like a shell of his former self, and my money’s on Sunday being the last day he plays an NFL game. Of course when he’s playing to his ability, he’s one of the most unguardable players in football.

• Aaron Donald Has A Show: Donald was undoubtedly the best defensive player in the NFL this year (an NFL positional record 20.5 sacks for a defensive tackle), but oddly he’s still not quite a household name (the NFL’s refusal to market any defensive player other than JJ Watt could comprise a whole other post).  Fighting through double-teams and keeping Brady on his heels could be the key difference in whether TB12 is able to pick apart the Rams secondary, or is too uncomfortable to get into a consistent rhythm. There’s a good chance the whole country knows his name after tonight.

• From Dusk Till Sean: I can’t remember ever seeing a Sean this hot, and I live less than a mile from Southie. But lost in last week’s questionable victory was the fact that Rams coach Sean McVay was a missed pass interference call away from dealing with an entire offseason full of questions about his game plan. Since we still haven’t heard any indication that Todd Gurley was injured, his benching for most of the NFC Championship game is baffling. Giving your (and arguably the league’s) best player five total touches with a Super Bowl appearance on the line simply doesn’t add up – particularly since Gurley’s backup, CJ Anderson, was no more effective with his 17 touches – and a similar utilization of Gurley on Sunday will make Bill Belichick’s job a lot easier. If the rushing attack remains stymied, will McVay have Goff ready to shoulder the load? McVay is like that cool, mysterious guy who transfers to your high school for sophomore year but no one knows much about him. He might be the man, he might just be a boring introvert, but his parents are gone next weekend and he’s about to throw the first party at his place. Will he have enough booze? Will he invite those weirdos he went to school with last year? Will he freak out when the first Bud Ice (is that still a thing?) spills on the carpet? Will he trust his buddies enough to take care of things while he shows his crush where he practices his guitar? The spotlight is finally on. Be cool, Sean McVay, because high school kids can turn on you fast.

• Master of Run: It’s no secret that Gurley’s production had tailed off a bit, even before last week’s unjustified benching. Gurley has now eclipsed 100 yards rushing just once in his last four games. Maybe last game’s light load was a gift, Todd, but if he starts the Super Bowl rushing like he has since late December, will Gurley be able to do enough through the air to make an impact? Given his overall season, it’s pretty shocking that this is even a reasonable question.

• A Series of Gameplanned Events: Beginning with his plan to take Marshall Faulk out of Super Bowl XXXVI, Belichick has earned his reputation as a master tactician, which shone through in the Patriots next two Super Bowls (both victories). His track record since then has only further solidified his status as the best coach in NFL history, reaching six more Super Bowls and failing to make the playoffs just once since 2002, when Brady was shelved for the season (and Matt Cassel still led New England to an 11-5 record). But he’s just 2-3 in subsequent Super Bowls, and in each of the three losses he was squarely outcoached in at least one major facet of the game: His failure to account for the Giants ferocious pass rush rattled Brady all game in Super Bowl XLII and forced him to play dink-and-dunk football in Super Bowl XLVI, which neutralized his big-play ability. In last year’s Super Bowl, Belichick’s defense couldn’t find an answer for journeyman Nick Foles, and his thoroughly mediocre receiving corps. We’ll never know if BB’s head-scratching decision to bench struggling but proven starting cornerback Malcolm Butler (a legitimate explanation for which we still haven’t received) would have been the difference in the game, but it’s nearly impossible to conclude that Butler would have made the Patriots secondary worse on that day. So the question remains, will Belichick have an effective plan in place to mask his team’s weaknesses (the secondary) and accentuate its strengths (steady rushing attack, relentless short passing game), or will he fall victim to an unforeseen Rams wrinkle, or worse, his own ego?

• Santa Clarita Quiet: When Jeff Fisher went to Jared with the first overall pick in the 2016 draft, there were more than a few skeptics, all of whom seemed vindicated by Goff’s rookie campaign. Since McVay took over as Rams head coach in 2017, however, Goff has been nothing short of a top-tier quarterback, culminating in a 2018 in which he finished with a 101.1 passer rating (8th among qualified QBs), 4,688 passing yard (4th), 8.4 yards per attempt (4th), and 32 touchdowns (6th, though it should be noted that of the quarterbacks with more TDs, none had a top-tier RB for the entire season). But the fact remains that despite how great a season the Rams have had, the media attention thrust on pro football players in Los Angeles has landed somewhere between “Sugarfish No Longer Finds Bluefin Tuna to be Ethically Sourced” and “Ponytailed, Meisner-Reading Papyrus Employee Doesn’t Actually Have Passion for Stationary,” allowing Goff, who has never lived outside of California, to live a relatively pressure-free life. Since the playoffs started, Goff’s numbers have gone down a bit, as can be expected against better competition, and that on the surface isn’t alarming. But he’s about to play the biggest game of his life on the biggest stage in American sports, after two weeks of the most intense media scrutiny he’s ever experienced. Some quarterbacks wilt under that pressure, some excel, and others are simply unaffected (see: Manning, Eli).  We’ll see which bucket Goff falls into.

My Pick: Rams 29 Patriots 27 Confidence level: 2 In the Brady/Belichick era, each of their eight Super Bowl matchups has ended in a one-score game, and most of them have looked a lot more lopsided on paper before kickoff than this one. I picked the Patriots to beat the Eagles last year, refusing to believe that Belichick could lose to someone like Nick Foles in a Super Bowl. But ultimately players play the games and I don’t see a clear improvement in the Patriots defense from the one that gave up 41 points to the Eagles last year. Now they’re playing a much better offense and likely a better quarterback than Foles,  so much like the Chiefs game, the Patriots defense will have their hands full.

On the other side of the ball, the Patriots have Tom Brady, so any argument for why the Pats will win could justifiably end there. His receiving corps, while far from elite, seems to be gelling at the perfect time, and could not have been more clutch than they were against the Chiefs. The Rams defense on the whole won’t strike fear into Pats offensive coordinator Josh McDaniel’s heart, but Aaron Donald will be the toughest individual force he (or anyone in the league) will have to game plan for all season. I think Donald and Ndamukong Suh will be able to minimize rushing success for the Patriots, and will get just enough pressure to force Brady to get the ball out quickly and allow the Rams’ back seven to sit on the short outs and crossing routes that have allowed the Patriots to move the chains all season long.

But ultimately, in a one-score game – which I’m betting this will be – one play can make all the difference, and all the pre-game analysis is worthless. I don’t expect a true shootout, but I do see an offensive battle that ends with the Rams defense getting that one crucial stop down the stretch that the Chiefs failed to get two weeks ago. That said, your guess is as good as mine.

Other Super Bowl Notes and Tidbits

• The Defenders: The Patriots finished seventh in the league in scoring defense, but much of that has to be attributed to the dreadful offenses of the rest of the AFC East. In their six games against the Dolphins, Bills and Jets, the Pats D allowed 6, 7, 13, 33, 12 and 3 points. In four games against top-10 scoring offenses on the other hand, the Patriots gave up 24, 40, 31 and 17 points, to the Colts, Chiefs, Bears and Steelers, plus another 31 to the Chiefs two weeks ago. You’d think this would be a bad omen for New England as it prepares to stop the league’s second-most prolific offense, but despite the gaudy numbers allowed to elite offenses, the Patriots are 4-1 in those games. Essentially, while we can be confident the Rams will put up points, the type of game that would dictate that flow wouldn’t necessarily put the Patriots at a disadvantage.

• Oldzark: “Experience” is always talked about as a factor in determining who wins a big game, but I’m not sure that has a ton of merit, given that players have to be able to win big games to even get to the Super Bowl. Looking at the last ten Super Bowls, eight featured quarterback matchups in which only one starting QB had started a Super Bowl previously. In those matchups, the team with the Super Bowl-experienced quarterback is 4-4. Looking beyond the quarterback, teams that had been to the Super Bowl in the previous five years (an objective number, but one that’s likely to incorporate the team having an experienced, returning corps) are 3-3 when playing teams that had not been to the Super Bowl in that same span. Draw your own conclusions.

• The Vinatieri Method: Both teams should feel very comfortable with their kicking situation going into Sunday. Stephen Gostkowski has established himself as one of the most reliable field goal kickers of his generation, while Greg Zuerlein just KICKED A 57-YARD FIELD GOAL IN OVERTIME TO SEND HIS TEAM TO THE SUPER BOWL. Zuerlein was unfairly robbed of national glory, due to a brutal combination of the refs overshadowing the Rams win, and Joe Buck, as he’s wont to do, delivering the call of an incredible feat in an incredible situation as if he was narrating his wife picking up her first alimony payment before leaving the house for good. “Meredith will attempt to steal my money along with my soul… she has the check, she’s getting into the Tesla of Miles, a 30-something brand ambassador… AND SHE’S GONE! We’ll see you later tonight at the country club gala so as to keep up the appearance that we’re amicable divorcees!” Zuerlein actually sprained his foot at halftime of that game, which is something to be aware of, but given how he kicked in the second half and overtime, it’s not something I’d be too concerned about.

• Big Mouth: I could not be less interested in Media Day or any of the PR shenanigans that go on between the conference championships and the Super Bowl. I get why the NFL does it, and I’m sure journalists appreciate that they get something to write about beyond another position-by-position breakdown, but wake me up when it’s time to clock the national anthem length. That said, it’s worth taking note of all the players who basked in the glow of the media attention, because a good chunk of them will inevitably blame the media for stirring controversy down the road. Like it or not, the media has as much to do with sports being as popular as they are (and player contracts being as big as they are) than the players themselves. If you’re going to use it to your advantage when things are going well, you can’t bitch about the negative coverage when the good times stop rolling.

• Lost in Grace: Living in Boston and not being a Patriots fan sucks. Not because they always win, or because the Celtics and Bruins can be in the midst of playoff runs and the Boston sports media’s top story will still be which flavor Coolatta Gronk is going to be drinking in his upcoming Dunkin’ commercial, but because of all the faux-narratives that the team puts forth and the fans eat up. There was the “Patriot Way” which preached loyalty and selflessness, just to see Belichick ship off beloved stars and community staples like Lawyer Milloy, Richard Seymour and Chandler Jones (side note: I’m not saying these moves didn’t work out or were uncouth, just pointing out the disingenuousness of pretending to view your players as anything other than football players). There was the myth of only valuing team-first players, then signing guys like Corey Dillon, Randy Moss, Aaron Hernandez, Albert Haynesworth, Chad Johnson/Ochocinco, Brandon Meriwether and Josh Gordon. There’s still the idea that the team should never give the media any controversy fuel, while Belichick writes a letter of support to Donald Trump (that he had to know was going to be made public) and Brady displays a MAGA hat in his locker.

And now we’ve reached a new one, and possibly the most infuriating one. I understand that every team, at one point or another uses “no one believed in us” as a rallying cry or source of motivation, and sometimes its true and sometimes its not. But Xerxes and the Persian Empire had a more viable claim to the “no one believed in us” mentality after Thermopylae (read a book) than the Patriots do now. Brady and Belichick have presided over two separate dynasties in consecutive decades (for what it’s worth, I don’t think a team can go ten years between titles and still be considered a single dynasty) and are about as far from being an underdog year-to-year as any team since the 1960s Celtics. My problems with this whole charade are two-fold. First, it’s flat out wrong. Until this year’s AFC Championship game, the Patriots with Brady starting had not been underdogs IN 69 CONSECUTIVE GAMES. The chart below (courtesy of footballperspective.com) reveals as much, with the blue dots indicating regular season games, the red dots indicating playoff games, and the empty dots showing the four games Brady was suspended for to start the 2016 season. 

So not only is the narrative flat-out silly on the surface, it’s based on no evidence whatsoever. Yes, there are a lot of people who like to root against the Patriots, and there are some corny studio analysts looking for attention who will make exaggerated but transparent claims like “the Patriots era is over,” but not a single one of them is surprised that the Pats will be taking the field in Atlanta tonight.

The second part of this argument that really grinds my gears is that among the actual Patriots doubters, the vast majority live in New England. Listening to Boston sports radio all season, you’d think the Pats were flirting with a .500 record, and wondering whether they should just start tanking to move up in the draft. Sports bars around the region were filled with people lamenting Brady’s fall from best quarterback in football to merely top-5, wondering if the defense could stop a good offense in the playoffs, and pondering whether Matt Patricia was really the brains behind the whole operation (that last one is an exaggeration, but only slightly). So in essence, Patriots fans are projecting their team insecurity onto fans of the rest of the league –none of whom actually doubt the Patriots’ ability to win each game– and then criticizing the straw men they’ve created while they themselves doubt their team privately under the cover of a New England winter. It’s madness.

Listen, I get it. Winning is awesome, and it gets less awesome when that’s all that’s expected of you. No one roots for the house at a casino, no one is pulling for the shark in Jaws, and no one outside New England wants the Patriots to win, because they always win. So if you have to convince yourself that you’re not going to win because that makes it more fun when you inevitably do, go for it. But leave the rest of us out of it. Because even when we don’t think you’ll win, we still kind of do think you’ll win. That’s should be a badge of honor, not a knock.

Legacy Stakes

I usually like to do a section about what’s at stake for each team and its players from a legacy perspective. Sadly, this combination of teams doesn’t give me much to write about. The Pats can tie the Steelers for the most Super Bowl wins of all time (six), but Brady and Belichick are already the best quarterback and coach of all time, respectively, so another Super Bowl win pads their stats, as it were, but won’t do much in terms of validation. Sure, if they fall to 5-4 all-time in Super Bowls, it will give a little extra fodder for the people who say they’d rather be 4-0 in Super Bowls  (a la Joe Montana) than 5-4, but those people are woefully misguided anyway, so it’s hardly worth debate.

On the other side you have a team full of young stars, including its coach. Obviously winning a Super Bowl is a form of career validation regardless of when you win it, but no one on the Rams is even close to “can’t win the big one” territory, so the feel-good storyline of the wily old veteran finally winning a ring that we’ve had in years past (Charles Woodson with the Packers, Anquan Boldin with the Ravens, Demarcus Ware with the Broncos, etc.) is noticeably absent this year. The lone obvious exception is Ndamukong Suh, but he’s kind of an asshole, so I don’t think people are rooting hard for that story.

The Prop Bets That Weren’t

For those without a true dog in the fight, the best thing about the Super Bowl, aside from the food (bar food is the best food, don’t @ me), is the betting. Much like Adam Silver and ESPN, the general Super Bowl-watching populace has embraced casual betting more in recent years, leading once-cheeky prop bets like which Gatorade color will be poured on the winning coach or how long the national anthem will last to almost be considered passé.

Sadly, the creativity on prop bets has waned, forcing me to take matters into my own hands.  Place your bets before 6:00 EST (Just kidding…)

Ndamukong Suh Personal Foul Penalties Called (includes declined penalties) O/U .5

Tom Brady Berates An Official After Getting Knocked Over O/U 4.5

Tony Romo Accurately Predicts A Play Call Pre-Snap O/U 8.5

Age of the First Guest Singer to Join Maroon 5 O/U 38.5

Times I Consider Subscribing to the WWE Network During Halftime So I Can Watch Halftime Heat Instead of Maroon 5 O/U 5.5

Shots of Rams Fans Wearing Sunglasses Indoors O/U 326.5

Decibels Jim Nantz’ voice drops during the first CBS promo for the Masters O/U 46.5

References to Sean McVay’s Paid “Hold Me Back” Guy O/U 1.5

Commercials With Thinly Veiled Criticisms of Trump’s Immigration Policies O/U 2.5

Commercials For Movies Starring Dwayne Johnson O/U 3.5

Jim Nantz Refers to Romo as “Partner” O/U 5.5

Rams Fans at LA’s Super Bowl Parade (if applicable) O/U 13.5

Welp, that’s all I got for you today, folks. Next week we’ll have recap of the Super Bowl and its inevitable fallout, some non-football sports thoughts, and a little  TV/Oscars talk. Until then, thanks for reading, and keep punting!

[madpicks]

New Post has been published on https://www.madpicks.com/sports/nfl/hard-knocks-recap-bucs-montell-jordan-sing-along/

‘Hard Knocks’ recap: Bucs have a Montell Jordan sing-along

I’ve seen a few perfect episodes of various television shows in my lifetime. The very first episode of The Walking Dead was gripping. “The Lion and the Rose” was a flawless episode of Game of Thrones, mainly because bye, Joffrey. And Episode 4 of this season of Hard Knocks with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers was perfect, too, for one reason.

It opened with Buccaneers players dancing to Montell Jordan’s “This is How We Do It.”

Chris Baker is sitting on a bench with some little kid, and they’re both singing along. DeSean Jackson is dancing on the practice field. Everyone is having a great time, because as Gerald McCoy points out, it’s impossible to be in a bad mood when that song is on.

And Jameis Winston made up his own lyrics.

“‘If you know what I’m sayin’, Austin Johnson’s gonna be playin’.” Well done, Jameis.

It was a great intro to a great episode. The Bucs finally got to enjoy their new locker room, defensive coordinator Mike Smith said his guys couldn’t stop a marching band, and a bunch of players looked surprised when the cannons fired in Raymond James, even though they do it for every score.

Here are the rest of the best moments of Episode 4.

1. Gerald McCoy is the best thing about this show, period.

Early in the episode, head coach Dirk Koetter tells Gerald McCoy that there’s a little girl dancing in the crowd watching practice. He encourages McCoy to go see if she’ll come dance with him. McCoy, because he is nothing short of a delight in every possible way, does exactly that. And this little kid’s dad was AMPED about it.

I want to be best friends with Gerald McCoy.

https://twitter.com/NFLFilms/status/902714039561629696

He and Chris Baker also did some kung fu, complete with sound effects.

And the episode closes with McCoy watching the Game of Thrones finale. McCoy had the same reaction to the very end as the rest of us.

2. Jameis Winston has a very good dog

This is Tootsie Roll. She’s blurry because she’s having too much fun running around trying to catch a frisbee Winston is throwing for her.

She is a great dog.

3. Doug Martin’s mom is surprised Ryan Fitzpatrick has so many kids

When backup quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick enters the game, his family cheers loudly. And while they’re not quite the Philip Rivers family, Fitzpatrick and his wife do have five kids.

Doug Martin’s mom is a little taken aback by how many of them there are.

“Oh, that’s the Fitzpatrick family,” she says. “That’s a lot of Fitzpatricks.”

4. Rookie talent show time

Poor Mark Duffner. The rookies did a pretty good impression of the Bucs’ linebackers coach, including a big fake belly for believability.

Duffner wasn’t a fan at first.

“Get the flip out of here,” Duffner said. “I’m not buying that belly. That’s for damn sure.”

But when the rookies were done, he had to admit that “it was funnier than shit.”

5. Chris Godwin’s girlfriend roasted his ass

Rookie Chris Godwin, a third-round pick out of Penn State, has played well this preseason and performed in camp. Part of that is due to the fact that his girlfriend, Mariah, is kind of a badass and helps him train. But the best part of this look into the happy couple’s relationship was the moment she unintentionally roasted the hell out of her boyfriend.

The two started dating when they were in college, and her father had been Godwin’s high school coach, so Godwin knew the family. But he’s shy, apparently, and he didn’t make the best impression on Mariah’s mother.

“And he came over and he would just, like, sit at the kitchen table with his headphones on, and my mom was like, ‘This kid sucks. He doesn’t talk to anyone,’” Mariah said.

6. DeSean Jackson turned down more money elsewhere to come and play with Jameis

General manager Jason Licht says Winston is “the best leader I’ve ever been around,” and that Winston was instrumental in bringing DeSean Jackson to Tampa Bay.

Winston had some character concerns coming out of college, which I will not belabor. But Licht said that once the team completed its investigation and vetting process before the draft, and then they drafted, him, he literally cried.

“I closed the door, and I just lost it,” Licht says.

7. Cuts are coming

It’s the worst part of Hard Knocks every season. Fringe players fighting for roster spots will have their NFL dreams crushed to pieces, and it’s happening next week in the finale.

Riley Bullough, LB: Bullough is probably not going to make it, even though the coaching staff loves how competitive he is. Mike Smith pretty much said it out loud this week.

“We can see why Riley’s not gonna — you know,” Smith said.

Cameron Lynch, LB: Lynch might have the dubious distinction of getting cut on Hard Knocks two years in a row. He spent last preseason with the Los Angeles Rams and didn’t make it through their final cuts. He got yelled at this week by Duffner, who said he was on Lynch’s ass because he wanted him to actually make the team.

Jeremy McNichols, RB: The coaching staff likes him and he earned some praise from Koetter for his play on special teams, but he makes rookie mistakes and missed a key block in the game against the Browns. I wouldn’t put money on him making the squad.

Donteea Dye, WR: This guy has great hands and made some big plays even though he was coming off a bone bruise. He’s made an impression on Mike Evans and Winston with his work ethic. Fun fact: He also got confused in last week’s episode about the eclipse, asking if they happen every few years. He was actually thinking of cicadas.

The finale airs next week at 10 p.m. ET on HBO.

[junker-town]

‘Hard Knocks’ recap: Bucs have a Montell Jordan sing-along

Gerald McCoy stole the show repeatedly, as usual.

I’ve seen a few perfect episodes of various television shows in my lifetime. The very first episode of The Walking Dead was gripping. “The Lion and the Rose” was a flawless episode of Game of Thrones, mainly because bye, Joffrey. And Episode 4 of this season of Hard Knocks with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers was perfect, too, for one reason.

It opened with Buccaneers players dancing to Montell Jordan’s “This is How We Do It.”

Chris Baker is sitting on a bench with some little kid, and they’re both singing along. DeSean Jackson is dancing on the practice field. Everyone is having a great time, because as Gerald McCoy points out, it’s impossible to be in a bad mood when that song is on.

And Jameis Winston made up his own lyrics.

“‘If you know what I’m sayin’, Austin Johnson’s gonna be playin’.” Well done, Jameis.

It was a great intro to a great episode. The Bucs finally got to enjoy their new locker room, defensive coordinator Mike Smith said his guys couldn’t stop a marching band, and a bunch of players looked surprised when the cannons fired in Raymond James, even though they do it for every score.

Here are the rest of the best moments of Episode 4.

1. Gerald McCoy is the best thing about this show, period.

Early in the episode, head coach Dirk Koetter tells Gerald McCoy that there’s a little girl dancing in the crowd watching practice. He encourages McCoy to go see if she’ll come dance with him. McCoy, because he is nothing short of a delight in every possible way, does exactly that. And this little kid’s dad was AMPED about it.

I want to be best friends with Gerald McCoy.

Groovin' with @geraldini93 #HardKnocks @TBBuccaneers @HBO http://pic.twitter.com/lkUK4mTPVS

— NFL Films (@NFLFilms) August 30, 2017

He and Chris Baker also did some kung fu, complete with sound effects.

And the episode closes with McCoy watching the Game of Thrones finale. McCoy had the same reaction to the very end as the rest of us.

2. Jameis Winston has a very good dog

This is Tootsie Roll. She’s blurry because she’s having too much fun running around trying to catch a frisbee Winston is throwing for her.

She is a great dog.

3. Doug Martin’s mom is surprised Ryan Fitzpatrick has so many kids

When backup quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick enters the game, his family cheers loudly. And while they’re not quite the Philip Rivers family, Fitzpatrick and his wife do have five kids.

Doug Martin’s mom is a little taken aback by how many of them there are.

“Oh, that’s the Fitzpatrick family,” she says. “That’s a lot of Fitzpatricks.”

4. Rookie talent show time

Poor Mark Duffner. The rookies did a pretty good impression of the Bucs’ linebackers coach, including a big fake belly for believability.

Duffner wasn’t a fan at first.

“Get the flip out of here,” Duffner said. “I’m not buying that belly. That’s for damn sure.”

But when the rookies were done, he had to admit that “it was funnier than shit.”

5. Chris Godwin’s girlfriend roasted his ass

Rookie Chris Godwin, a third-round pick out of Penn State, has played well this preseason and performed in camp. Part of that is due to the fact that his girlfriend, Mariah, is kind of a badass and helps him train. But the best part of this look into the happy couple’s relationship was the moment she unintentionally roasted the hell out of her boyfriend.

The two started dating when they were in college, and her father had been Godwin’s high school coach, so Godwin knew the family. But he’s shy, apparently, and he didn’t make the best impression on Mariah’s mother.

“And he came over and he would just, like, sit at the kitchen table with his headphones on, and my mom was like, ‘This kid sucks. He doesn’t talk to anyone.’” Mariah said.

6. DeSean Jackson turned down more money elsewhere to come and play with Jameis

General manager Jason Licht says Winston is “the best leader I’ve ever been around,” and that Winston was instrumental in bringing DeSean Jackson to Tampa Bay.

Winston had some character concerns coming out of college, which I will not belabor. But Licht said that once the team completed its investigation and vetting process before the draft, and then they drafted, him, he literally cried.

“I closed the door, and I just lost it,” Licht says.

7. Cuts are coming

It’s the worst part of Hard Knocks every season. Fringe players fighting for roster spots will have their NFL dreams crushed to pieces, and it’s happening next week in the finale.

Riley Bullough, LB: Bullough is probably not going to make it, even though the coaching staff loves how competitive he is. Mike Smith pretty much said it out loud this week.

“We can see why Riley’s not gonna — you know,” Smith said.

Cameron Lynch, LB: Lynch might have the dubious distinction of getting cut on Hard Knocks two years in a row. He spent last preseason with the Los Angeles Rams and didn’t make it through their final cuts. He got yelled at this week by Duffner, who said he was on Lynch’s ass because he wanted him to actually make the team.

Jeremy McNichols, RB: The coaching staff likes him and he earned some praise from Koetter for his play on special teams, but he makes rookie mistakes and missed a key block in the game against the Browns. I wouldn’t put money on him making the squad.

Donteea Dye, WR: This guy has great hands and made some big plays even though he was coming off of a bone bruise. He’s made an impression on Mike Evans and Winston with his work ethic. Fun fact: he also got confused in last week’s episode about the eclipse, asking if they happen every few years. He was actually thinking of cicadas.

The finale airs next week at 10 p.m. ET on HBO.