#based and true

[chongoblog]

Me, after forgetting to cut the top off an onion before dicing it: “Aw dammit”

The Gordon Ramsey that lives in my head: “Don’t worry there, this mistake isn’t going to ruin anything. No need to be too hard on yourself”

Me: “Wow, that’s…not what I was expecting”

Gordon: “Of course, you ought to know by now that I don’t shout at cooks just to do so. I do it because the people in hit television show Kitchen Nightmares are putting their services out into the public and claim to be good enough to have the title of head chef. You’re just some guy in your twenties making beef stroganoff for yourself and your roommate. I’m kind of a dick, yeah, but I’m not gonna scream at you for a minor mistake like this”

Me: “Oh….well…thanks”

Gordon: “You’re welcome…cunt…”

[ryanxross]

The Pitt literally has everything. Socially awkward and highly competent autistic coded character. Sarcastic asshole with a heart of gold. Nervous white boy with the saddest eyes you’ve ever seen. Nepo baby child prodigy. Milf with a mysterious past. Noah Wyle. Need I say more

[gremlynn-draws]

💫Cosmic Swallow💫

[artsymeeshee]

Some personalized sweaters for the boy

[egophiliac]

did this as a quick scribble at like 1 AM last night and...immediately lost all motivation to ever clean it up. ( ᐛ ) but I had to draw my son being the fanciest little flower boy who ever threw petals down an aisle. oh my god.

[such-a-daydreamer]

Based on a real thing that happened to me and my sister (me as Stan and my sis as Ford)

She had held my foot up for a while trying really hard to pull me up thinking it was my arm, we laughed about it almost instantly after but it was still scary.

Be beach careful people! Waves can easily pin you against the sand if you don't dive at the right time.

[drgnflyteabox]

Fem!reader x 141

Honestly might be able to to something with the gross stuff I saw at the hardware store I used to work at (except make it hot and 141)

Imagine you're a cashier, the only one with early morning availability so you're there at 5:45am for the 6am start. It's always the worst kinds of contractors there: rude, tired, dirty, leering gazes and sexist comments

You're pretty sick of it, but you get paid a bit more than minimum wage and you're done by 11am so, you take it with a cheery smile and fast service

The 141 contracting company starts spending at your store. So much, in fact, that your manager personally takes you aside to mention just how much they do - nearly a million a year - and how no matter what, your job is to be nice and please them

Well, you can do that. You've dealt with crazy, awful old contractors screaming in your face about lumber prices at 6:30am more than once, heard them talking about your tit's or your ass right in front of you - you can handle it

Until the masked one comes in first and hes huge, dark hoodie and cargo pants hanging low on his hips. He hands you 3k in bills only there are bloodstains on them and he watches you closely the whole time you count them out

It's... not a first, but the look he gives you makes you shiver. Pale eyelashes, tall, intimidating

The second is nicer. Too nice, in fact. He charms you before you're even fully awake, and your shift goes by quickly thinking about that winning smile and the way he'd touched your fingers while he handed you a stack of bills... not to mention those soft brown eyes

The third is... intense, for 8am. He rolls on the balls of his feet, stares at you harder than the masked one. He offers to buy you a hot chocolate at the coffee shop next door and grins like you made a joke when you decline

Their boss is fucking dreamy. Even you have to admit it, trying not to look up at his mustached, frankly porno-esque face. He's huge, as tall as the others but thick, with a little pudge around his belly. He trudges in with thick workboots and a stained t shirt, pays for 24k worth of material with a lazy smile on his face like it's nothing

You might ask head cash to move you to the garden center after all...

[poqu]

birdbath?

[ciapie]

your head spins, mind hazy and mouth hanging open. a bit of drool falls out of your lips, sliding down your cheek and pooling next to you. but that bit is nothing compared to the absolute mess between your thighs

pools of your juices and droplets of spit slide down down your ass, your thighs are soaked in your slick and all you can do…

lay there and take it.

suna’s messy brown locks are peeking out from beneath your thighs as his tongue writes monologues on your clit. his fingers grip the meaty flesh of your ass and he groans into your core.

you’re sobbing, salty tears joining the pool of spit beside your head and gathering in your hair messy hair. suna grins, moving his tongue even faster and you arch your back. your eyes go white, legs shaking and squeezing around him, caging him in as you cum so sweetly on his tongue.

when your orgasm finally subsides, you’re left a panting, moaning mess and suna-

keeps going?

your fucked out and overstimulated mind can hardly handle it, his tongue buries itself deep inside your cunt and you yelp, hands gripping the sheets beside you. sweat rolls down your body and it’s so wet and messy. your eyes roll back in your head, any thought completely vanished from your mind only him.

“yeah pretty girl,” he whispers against you, “cum for me again.”

and you do, mere moments later. raspy moans escaping from your throat as you buck and grind up against his face. your legs shake and his huge hands pin you down by the hips. you’re practically screaming by the time you’ve reached your high and when you come back down you weakly swat his head away making him chuckle.

your eyes slide closed, breath ragged and eager for the respite. the bed shifts, creaking under suna’s weight as he moves. your mind is still whirling and you open your eyes slightly.

he leans above you, his massive cock, rock hard slaps his stomach and he gives you a predatory grin that makes your mouth water.

“not tappin’ out yet are ya baby?”

[violent138]

Jason: "So what--"

Dick: "Shh."

Jason, taking his eyes off the road: "The fuck? Don't shush me."

Dick, gesturing: "Dami's asleep back there, you idiot."

Jason: "No way." *turns head* "Jeez."

Dick: "Case must've tired him out."

Jason: "He looks so innocent and childlike. I almost can't believe it."

Damian, putting his hands over Jason's eyes: "Trust your instincts next time. That was a test."

*car serves wildly, Jason and Dick start screaming*

[needyfreek2]

“this is your fault, you knew this was going to happen.” she says as she holds you down. “you came to sleep in my bed. it’s not my fault.” your big sister covers your mouth. “don’t make too much noise, you’ll wake up mom and dad.” she puts her whole weight on you and grinds on your crotch. “Fuck…”

Aauahajsjsbsjsbsnsajabsjsbsbsjsjba

[brainstirfry]

REACTION SPEED [Heroic: failure] - a single ravioli, damp from the water, still pleasantly steaming, lands with a defeated slap, on the linoleum floor. You see it happen, watch it flip through the air, like an Olympic bronze off the high-dive, or a suicidal veteran of war. you feel yourself shout a "No!", but it is too late. there, the ravioli, impossibly, lays limp. FORSAKEN RAVIOLI - Why, it thinks, why me? For all the time I was grown and processed then crafted and for all the time I have waited for the only purpose which I was made for. To be cast so suddenly, so errantly, into the realm of the beyond? Beyond savior. DRAMA - And here you stand, clad like a captain with your wooden spoon, watching as an honorable soldier, nay, a man, lies without your hand to aid him, on the kitchen floor.

VOLITION - you must act, now! first it must be picked up, then its fate can be decided. COMPOSURE - Its fate is the trash. AUTHORITY - Its fate is the trash. YOU - You pick up the ravioli, it is hot, nearly still boiling, gushing steam and hot pasta blood down your hand. It hurts, but standing here, there is nowhere else for it. PERCEPTION - It looks fine... LOGIC - Don't do this. SHIVERS [Heroic: Success] - Somewhere southeast of here, perhaps hundreds of miles, grain sprouts in a field, rich wheat, and butternut squash, only an acre over. The wind whistles through the fields, running like gleeful children through the tiny, green plants. Some will be eaten by birds, worms, or moles, but some will reach high into the sky, where they will be plucked and ground into pasta dough. You have seen the birthplace of this soldier. It is humble, a beautiful childhood, and so, so long ago. An entire pasta-lifetime, now. FORSAKEN RAVIOLI - I thought I had finally made it. And with my brethren... YOU - You look at the bowl, the rest of the ravioli, steaming in mournful, pyrrhic celebration. My company... EMPATHY - This ravioli could be you. You can't give up on it now. Not because of your own mistake. AUTHORITY - This is not what a dignified man would do. send him off and mourn, perhaps, but do not spend one moment more considering his limp, cooling corpse. DRAMA - Where has your heart gone, O Honorable One? Authority - … EMPATHY - the greatest service you could do for this little soldier, and for all those beyond you that forged him, is to eat him. What else is rightfully to be done? VISUAL CALCULUS - It was on the floor for less than 4.7 whole seconds. ENCYLOPEDIA - most forms of bacterium are able to jump, especially to wet materials, in about 1.2- PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - any residue on your kitchen floor may well be material which was once already in your stomach. CONCEPTUALIZATION - if you think about it, that means you've already kind of eaten the ravioli.

INLAND EMPIRE - From the Floor, Of the Floor, To the Floor. To be, or not to be, one with this eternal cycle? ENDURANCE - Anything the floor could not contain, you could digest. (with VOLITION) We are iron. HALF LIGHT - Bite into its soft, warm flesh. EMPATHY - Give it peace. ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Eat the floor-violi, pasta slut! YOU - weeping, bring the ravioli to your lips, and then, impossibly, with infinite mercy, love, bring it into you. It tastes fantastic. You would have never know it was on the floor at all. You can feel the hum of satisfaction, the glory of it in your lungs, swelling to fill you more than even a pasta-feast could. This is the mercy you wish your God could cast on you, when you fall. KIM KITSURAGI - "Harry,"

[daclium]

Every Ultrakill player have to go through a DECT phase I'm telling you

[egophiliac]

can't believe that skeleman has turned on us, and Halloween Prom is tomorrow.

(what a top-tier UM...we are about to be just totally obliterated in the absolute silliest way. what possible use could this power have outside of bringing us to the brink of utter holiday disaster.)

[pinkedify]

i want to be you