#been busy and really needed to think about how to answer this ww

[anbaisai]

Unrelated to twst but I absolutely adore your art. Your lines are so crisp omgg, do you have any tips on how to keep them clean? :>>

Thank you!!! I put a lot of effort into my lines because I admire a lot of artists with beautiful linework, so I'm really happy to hear that you think so 🥹

Obviously steady practice & time will naturally help you improve, but here are a few tips that I personally found helpful!

Try being more confident & fast with your brush strokes - I find that the more that I slow down and hesitate, the more wobbly my lines end up being and it doesn't retain the same "crisp" feel (unless I set stabilization to high, but then the brush starts lagging so I tend to leave it on the lower side). Try drawing a line really fast then doing the same thing again slowly and comparing them, and do it with lines of varying lengths since it’s likely more apparent with long lines than shorter ones, but I hope that makes sense!

If you work digitally, one thing that can help with the above is zooming out - it might feel easier to draw a line on a smaller-looking canvas because you move your hand less, vs. dragging a line across a really big canvas.

Use your whole arm, not just your wrist - think of it like changing the tool you use depending on the type of line you need to draw. Smaller, shorter ones are ok to use your wrist for, but you’ll likely have a harder time if it’s a long continuous line, in which case try using your elbow or shoulder to help. It’s a bit hard to explain without you trying it out for yourself, but with enough practice it should become muscle memory.

Play around with brushes & brush settings - Yes, I know artists shouldn’t expect a brush to solve all their problems, but it’s no lie that some brushes feel like utter crap in my hands and nothing I draw looks or feels right, whereas other brushes feel like they were meant to be. My guess is that it just really depends on your habits, like your speed, how much pressure you use, etc., that mesh well with some brushes and less with others. I myself seem to enjoy brushes that have less variation with pen pressure, so it’s worth messing around in your brush settings or downloading new ones just to see if they feel any different to use! It won’t be as influential as just practicing your technique, but it’s an extra little thing that could help you.

I haven’t done much of it myself, but doing targeted practice where you just draw lines over and over (like you're just cross-hatching) has been something lots of people recommend for improving linework & hand steadiness, so you can try doing that when you’re bored e.g. doodling in the margins of your notes, on scrap paper, etc.

Hope some of these tips help, and have fun lining! ❤️

[toukenramblings]

can I have child saniwa and shokudaikiri, daihannya, and ookurikara headcanons? sorry, you can tell I have a Complete Bias to the osafune swords and the dategumi ww. thanks! (child saniwa has so much potential though- how did they get into government shenaniganry? why were they picked above all else? they pull this in the live action movie but idk if it's adequately explained in universe. you don't gave to answer these questions, I'm just thinking out loud ww thanks again!!)

~~

REXYYYY HAVE I EVER MENTIONED HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU BECAUSE I DOOOOOOOOOO. anyway pls take my love. Y’all, Rexy does fics as well! I love their mind and they made a lil fic about the child!saniwa headcanons I’ve done before. PLEASEEE give Rexy some love~<3

Shokudaikiri Mitsutada

“I’m Shokudaikiri Mitsutada, I-” “...”

“A little one!”

Micchan is a kind soul, he bends down to the height of the little one - who may be terrified of his eye patch or see him as amazing. He’s a pirate! Yeah sure he’ll be whatever the fuck this little one wants, this is his child now. He treats the little one with such gentleness.

If they ever touch the burnt part of his face, his eye that no longer works - he’ll flinch. He’ll flinch, and maybe this kid will notice? If they pull away, Micchan will apologize. He was just surprised that’s all. But their hands are so small, so pudgy and soft, unlike his own oh so scarred and cracked in places. Maybe he’ll compare his larger hands to them, let them rest it in his palm and marvel at his fingers and how big he is. Maybe the lil one calls his hands beautiful despite the scarring.

Anyway back to the happiness. Micchan cooks for everyone in the citadel but for the little one he makes special care to make their dishes as cute as possible. Their apples are bunnies now, their pancakes are elephants, everything is cute now! But he also sneaks things into their meals that is healthy. Like making their chicken pot pie with vegetables, cut up so small that they won’t notice or something.

Nightmares come to everyone. But to this little one who probably has more than a child should at their age, it’s Micchan to the rescue. Mitsu’s room is found pretty close to theirs and he’s already somewhat of a light sleeper so the minute he here’s a sniffle, he’s awake and there to comfort them.

Will also be found crying as they interact with the rest of the Dategumi. Tsuru he trusts the most around them, going back to the Tsuru and Child Saniwa headcanons I made, Tsuru is rather gentle around the little one. Micchan trusts everyone with the kid but Tsuru just....I don’t know how to say it, he feels for the kid more, I suppose.

One day the lil one draws a picture, holding hands with Micchan and Tsuru - a family picture of them and the Dategumi. Expect Micchan to stuff that picture into an omamori and cry about it every day.

Yes Micchan caves under their pouty face and puppy eyes in the end, but he is rather stern when he wants to be. He keeps them on their toes, in a way. He ensures that they study on time, is always there - basically just a mom.

Yes Shokudaikiri is a busy man but he always makes time to spend with the little one, just to hold them close or just exist.

Head pats. Hugs. Micchan SO AFFECTIONATE. Ruffles their hair, forehead kisses, whatever this kid wants.

Oh Micchan, like Tsuru, is fucking ready to fight the government. Probably will poison their damn food for making this little kid fight.

Daihannya Nagamitsu

“It is quite a pleasure to meet you-”

“...”

“Ah! A young one!”

See, Daihannya, like Mitsu, will bend down to their height and make himself known. He’s a gentleman through and through, with a sweet smile that charms the pants off of them, calling them a nickname from their real name, or whatever title they prefer. They are his master and he will call them whatever they wish!

A mental image that warms my heart is the idea of Daihannya taking the kid away from a stressful day and just...sitting in his lap and painting something. Or just playing with his hands, or finger painting, or writing, or whatever. Daihannya appreciates creativity in all forms, whatever makes the kid happy!

Like Micchan above, if the lil saniwa makes a picture of him and them holding hands and have it like a family photo, Daihannya found framing it, making several copies, shoving it into an omamori, and just showing it off to EVERYONE. He’s that one dad who shoves like 60 pictures of his kid into his wallet and pulls it out like receipts whenever someone asks about his kid.

Daihannya isn’t much of a chef but he will at least try to cook something for them. He is the kinda dude who takes note of whatever the hell they like to eat though and keeps snacks for them hidden in his pockets somewhere.

Despite all this, I think that the above headcanons are for more the Daihannya that gets closer to the lil kid. He does care for them, but is rather distant about it at first. He does care, but is more so along the lines of first getting to know them. He teases and makes them laugh yes, but he doesn’t initiate much physical affection compared to like Tsuru or Azuki or Micchan. He’ll give them a head pat and say, “You did great,” but that’s where it ends.

As time goes on however, Daihannya will warm up to them. It’s rather strange. Yes he leaves out little treats for them outside of their door and whatnot but his smiles become more and more genuine as time goes on. He’ll begin to spend more time with the little one, who he slowly dotes on. Think of it as someone who isn’t against the parental role but slowly grows into it over time.

Anyway Daihannya can and will give the kid piggyback rides if they ask. He isn’t a monster.

He’s rather teasing to the little one in a way? Will be the one adult who holds treats out of their damn reach and chuckles as they jump and try to reach it- NO DON’T CLIMB ON THE SHELVES, HE’S SORRY, HE’LL GIVE IT TO THEM.

Daihannya is a bit lazy at times. So if anything he’ll invite the little one to nappy with him! Sometimes nappys are just what you need mAN.

When Daihannya becomes full parent of this little kid, expect him to casually and snidely threaten the government. “Oh ho, sending a little one out on such a dangerous job like this huh? Naughty naughty...I outta punish you.” what are you kikkou

Oookurikara

“....”

“......”

“........”

Why is there a child here? Why is this child their master? Where is everyone else? Oh God. Mitsutada? Sada??? Tsuru? HELP. Okay but there is no doubt that the kid is a lil bit terrified of Kara. Kara naturally has a rather intimidating aura. He knows how to curb himself around kids, no swearing and all, but he’s a bristly sort of man. He won’t bend down to their level to greet them or anything, maybe just brush past them. He’ll greet them, almost silently.

He isn’t as physically affectionate as Micchan or even Daihannya. He’ll reserve the affection for much more private times. Even then it’ll be sparse! His affection is just a mere head pat and maybe a simple, “You did good.” than anything.

Now, Ookurikara does have a bit of a softspot for kids and animals, he really does care about Taikogane, even if it’s sporadic. He’ll give a soft smile to the lil kid before turning away, denying that he ever did such a thing. It’s rather tsundere like in a way, or more perhaps kuudere?

Like Daihannya, Oourkikara will leave out snacks for them with a note. Compared to Daihannya’s notes which are like: “For you, master~!” and signed with his name, Kara’s little notes are just, “Master’s” and that’s it. Often kept somewhere where he knows the other tantous won’t take them or ‘accidentally’ eat them.

Daihannya will leave snacks at their room, with a knock and a smile, but Kara leaves them snacks with a soft knock and then leaves. He won’t wait for them to thank him.

As time goes on, Kara doesn’t open up per say. He does in his own way. He begins to tolerate the saniwa and their lil self, but more or less as they become more ingrained into his life he’ll notice things a lil bit more. Kara is already pretty damn observant despite how cold he is to people and he knows some things that the little kid likes. Maybe they’ll get a surprise gift after a long hard day?

Ookurikara is not good for comfort. One day this little kid stumbles into his room and he doesn’t know what to do. All he does is listen, rubs their back gently, and just stay there. However awkward it may be. They fall asleep on him and he carries them back to their room, curling them up in a blanket.

If they ask for him to stay, he awkwardly will, holding their tiny little hand. They’re a kid, Sada-chan takes warfare in stride despite the fact he...well, is Sada-chan and has been through is fair share of stride. But this little saniwa? Oh, they don’t deserve this.

When the morning comes, Ookurikara is gone but in his place are a small batch of snacks - their favorite, he knows, he’s seen how they light up when Micchan gives that to them. Did he make it himself? He won’t tell.

Over all, it’s very hard for the little saniwa to get to know Ookurikara, despite his penchant for hiding snacks and candy for them in his pockets. It takes a long time but he’ll warm up to them in the end. He’ll deny it but he’s already taking pot shots at the government officials who allowed this to happen.

[klarolinedrabbles]

What are some of the tvd to fandoms greatest hits so to speak... I was only in it for a short time and then jumped out because I couldn't stand to

Oh, well allow me to be your guide. This will be under a read more because I already know, I’m gonna write a whole essay. Shout out to my ride or die @hellsbellschime.

I don’t think any overtly crazy happened during the good!TVD years. No wait, I’m lying.

The year the spin-off got announced, I believe it was tvguide, that posted an article with like info tidbits for currently airing shows. And one of them, was that Hayley was pregnant with Klaus’ kid. I remember this shit so clearly, man. Everyone was so confused. And then they were like SURPRISE, APRIL FOOLS. Because it was in fact April 1st. So ha-ha we all had a laugh, great. Fastforward to what, late April? Episode 4x20 airs, and it’s exactly what happened???

That whole day btw, the day the backdoor pilot for TO aired was just insanity. I’ll say that about a lot of days in this answer, but that day was really just something else. Like we were delirious, that’s the only way I can explain what happened on here. It was a nightmare but also one of the funniest night’s I’ve ever spent on here. I gotta go back for old time’s sake and reblog some of the shit from that night because we all snapped. And not in the good way. 

The TVD 100th. Now, we knew Joseph was coming back for that episode so they hype was real. Because up until that point, we’d gotten a huge load of nothing in regards to Klaroline. They released a trailer, a short one, that’s still in my favorites folder on youtube to this day. I rewatch it all the time because it’s iconic. And there was literally .002 seconds of Klaroline. It’s Caroline standing and then Klaus says “hello, caroline” and everyone lost their shit so much when it dropped that ‘hello caroline’ trended ww on twitter. 

THE DAY THE NETWORK THAT AIRED TVD IN AUSTRALIA AIRED A PROMO WITH THE KLAROLINE KISS IN 5X11. ICONIC. I literally woke up, logged on at around 11 AM my time, and my dashboard was on fire. It was the BEST. We didn’t know wtf to do, it was amazing. 

Paleyfest. Ohhhh buddy, lemme tell ya. So TVD/TO got chosen to have the CW panel’s at Paleyfest that year. Everyone was on a bit of edge because TO to that point was what, almost done with S1 and Klaroline had been given the mega cold-shoulder despite being the very thing other than the Mikaelson’s that got used to lure people in? After the pregnancy plot from hell, everyone was ready to peace tf out, but we got halted because it was a ‘ohh of course it’s gonna continue’ then they tried to nip Klaroline in the bud with 5x11 and no one was having it. So Paleyfest was where we were gonna get some ANSWERS, DAMMIT. I live on the east coast and the festival was held in the west coast so I wasn’t awake when it was happening. I remember making a post about how ‘going to sleep, and hoping when I woke up the answers were good.’. So I went to sleep, woke up a few hours later like 2-3 AM my time, and checked my blog and the first message I had was ‘don’t wake up stephanie, everything is a mess, stay asleep where everything’s fine’ I—

The gist of that was, they basically set JoMo up to be the bad-cop in shutting down Klaroline. He gave this long answer that made absolutely zero sense. The girl who asked the question about Klaroline, who was like 13 at the time, got called a bully for even asking a question at an event she paid to be at. A mess. And JP was like NO CROSSOVERS, ORGANIC, BLAH BLAH. And Paul was sitting next to her going “why can’t the show’s just intersect”, he was right and he said it. 

I can’t remember if this was S1 or S2, but somebody tweeted something and Carina replied ‘when you’re found dead in your basement with klaroline written on you this is why’ or something like that, that was a ~fun~ night. And then like half an hour later she was like “I’m sorry, I’ll never tweet about Klaroline again just leave me alone” if you’ve ever seen this fandom refer to ourselves as basement dwellers, this night is why. 

NARDUCCI. Can’t forget him. Talk about a man who just didn’t get it. And I don’t mean Klaroline, he just didn’t get anything, nothing in his head has ever clicked, I’m convinced. He used to pick fights on twitter repeatedly. Admitted once that he missed his flight because he was on twitter…arguing with a fan. AND ONE DAY, he decided to just—snap. Went on this hours long tirade against the Klaroline fandom, essentially calling everyone stupid because no one was appreciating the ‘art’ of the show. So when I say it lasted hours, I mean that. Now, you’d think, that he would be done, right? WELL, apparently that wasn’t enough, so the next day, he continued. I remember because I was in this gc on whatsapp, and I remember Erika sending a message to the gc going “omg, Narducci vs KCers round 2″ when I tell you I screamed. The man went on a two-day rampage against this fandom and it was insane. 

S6/S2 of TVD/TO was not a fun time. I can genuinely say it was borderline a chore to come on here during that time. It wasn’t fun, every day someone was in argument with someone from production on twitter. Truly the worst year of the fandom, imo. So S7/S3 rolls around and that’s where shit went nuclear. 

Hillary and I, are minding our own damn business, when someone come’s to us with information regarding the new seasons. This was post-SDCC, so it’s like the lull of September, waiting for the seasons to start in October. And we get approached with information, talkin bout how Caroline’s gonna be pregnant with Alaric’s twins in S7. When I tell you we didn’t know wtf to do. And we had to like wait on confirmation about it but then we found out it was legit and we were pissed. Literally ask us if we wanted to be in the spoiler game, the answer is no tf we did not. And she and I basically spent two days complaining. LIKE UGHHHH WE DON’T WANNA DO THIS, BUT ALSO THIS IS DISGUSTING, WE CAN’T JUST LET THEM SPRING THIS ON EVERYONE, BUT AGHH WHY US. So we chose collectively, as a duo, because das my other half yo, to blab. 

That went over as best as anyone could hope for it to go. Now, flashforward yet again, this time to around late Novemeber/December. I had been sent word that something was going down. TVD/TO lost their Thursday slots and got bumped to Friday’s, so a plan was going on, and they made one. We’d heard that they were rearranging something mid-season because they were gonna make a crossover work, publicly we found out it would be Paul and JoMo that crossover back-to-back. THEN ONE NIGHT—I call it black friday bc  that day was a fucking mess—, a friend of mine was friends with an SCer, I wanna say, and she was hearing word that the crossover did have Klaus and Caroline interact via phone call, but that it was very definitively an ending. Because they spoke about Camille and Stefan, etc, etc. Like a closing of the book type thing. So okay, we were like devastated, everyone on twitter was losing their shit. Everyone was pissed, and @-ing the writers all these crazy, sad things, we were a wreck. Ask Hillary about this night because she, I remember, describes it as ‘logging on and reading what everyone else had and not understanding why tf everyone was mad about it’. It was the first and last time that our roles were reversed, and bless her for it. 

SO WE’RE SITTING THERE, it’s Saturday, and we kept getting more information and we were like…something isn’t right here. So we did a bit of digging, spoke to a few people and waited it out. LO AND BEHOLD, everything we’d heard about the phone call was false. There was a phone call but the CKers and SCers were so mad about what was actually said in it, that a few of em, ring leaders of the feeble minded, made up a version and passed it around their fandoms as legit till it eventually worked it’s way over to us. So we all jumped the gun on fake information, lmfskdnknsks. Rumor has it, you can still hear Hillary yelling ‘I told you so’ at me through our group chat. 

So all was well, I couldn’t tell everyone why not to panic, just that they didn’t need to. Until, this account popped up called tvdspoiler or something on twitter, also saying false information about the phone call. Sending everyone into a panic yet again. I remember this because I was at  kmart with my mom, and the kmart by my house was in a basement so I had no cell service. I was able to send like a couple of messages, and was basically like ‘tell everyone to chill, I’ll clear it up when I get home’ did that in like a couple of hours cause then I had to leave to the midnight showing of the force awakens with my friends. So that day was chaotic, but fun. It was the first time I reached 99+ messages on my inbox, lmao. 

So that all happened like a good while before we actually saw the episode. But cut to a few weeks later. I woke up at 1 AM my time to drink water, was on tumblr trying to go back to sleep. I checked my inbox and there was this bizarre message talking about ‘got some scoop’ and they were like ‘Finn dies in 3x17, Aurora gets put into some weird sleeping spell in 3x18, Camille and Davina die in 3x19, Lucien dies in 3x20′ and I quite literally laughed??? Literally who wouldn’t. Like who tf would ever believe TO had the balls to do all of that when they never killed anyone off. AND, WHO WOULD BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE WOULD JUST STOP BY, SHARE IT AND LEAVE. So I sent a screenshot to Hillary and was like ‘yo did you get this because wtf’. We often got duplicate messages. And we often got messages of people who were pissed about the two previous times we, from the klaroline fandom of all places, had legit info that wound up being true, that they were just waiting for us to fuck up. So we used to get messages of people pretending they were sharing info, and it was just antis trying to make us look stupid. 

SO, Hillary says ‘just answer it because it’s obviously fake’ top ten moments before disaster. I answer it and am like oh haha, and where did that info come from. And they came back like a minute later, saying ‘I have a source’ THEN THEY ELABORATED. They mentioned that Lucien drags Freya and Vincent to Mystic Falls to do this spell with some bullet and etc. So at that point we were like fUCK because that same day we’d found out was in 3x16, which ended with Lucien and this white-oak bullet, having kidnapped Freya. And that’s when we knew, that someone showed up in the middle of the night, spoiled the whole back-half of TO S3—and then left.

The back-half of S3 was so fun??? Every week the info just kept coming true. On the wikia everyone hated me, probably the most anti messages I ever had was during that time, honestly it was great, 10/10 would recommend. 

THEN, at some point in our blog history, Hillary had been getting quite a few messages about PT. And she had this fucking line in one of the messages about Phoebe’s pronunciation with her accent for the show, or lack thereof. And she said “weeches and woves will always have a place in my heart” SO THEM PHOEBE TWEETED IT. THAT EXACT LINE, and we were like was she...? So we shrugged off okay. A few days later, she tweeted “hellsbellschime enough, there’s plenty of other things to watch on tv, I hear mad men’s great.” And I—

THIS WAS ON SOME RANDOM ASS SUNDAY. Like I was lounging around, waiting for the new episode of game of thrones and then WHAM, chaos. AND AS IF THAT WASNT ENOUGH, Leah joined in too. Putting a target on my friends back...about her blog that no one was making them read. You can’t make that shit up. And Jenn actually replied to Phoebe’s tweet and got a reply back, and she was all “you’re right, I’m sorry” and then deleted the original tweet, which I still have a screenshot of btw. And then Leah showed up in Hillary’s inbox with this ridiculous three part ask about how she shouldn’t criticize women in the acting industry because of how hard it is for women in that industry which is true, but it doesn’t make you exempt from criticism??? So not sure where she meant to go with that one.

SO THERE WE HAVE IT, our fandom’s greatest hits. I’m sure I can elaborate and insert more, but I’ve been typing for a good 40 minutes. 

Told ya, I wrote a whole dissertation, lmaooo.

[rijurambles]

Storytime!!

So - I'm into RP, not necessarily on here but I love doing it.

I thought I'd share one of my favorite RPs of all time to you guys. The Secret Grove!! Also known as SG. Still ongoing so if anything big happens then I'll put it here. This one was organized by yours truly, starring my best friends: Ashcan, Minish, Toony, and most recently old friend Bongo!!

This took place in the usual zelda verse, in some made up forest called the Secret Grove. Basically the plot was that everyone got stuck here and now has to work together to get out. Pretty simple, but this ended up being the most fun I've had with a concept in a long time.

Our Characters:

Riju/Me: Twilight (TP Link)

Ashcan: Princess Hilda, Yuga, Zant

Minish: Time (Oot Link) and Navi

Toony: Aqua (Blue Link from Triforce Heroes)

Bongo: Marin (but he hasn't really done anything yet so he's not here)

All relationships here are platonic(except for vague mentions of midlink)!! We're about found family.

OKAY SO-

I start us off with Twilight setting up camp, and he gets found by Windy (WW link,who sadly left the rp, but he was only active for like two months) . More like Twi finds /him/ but whatever. The two team up for a bit, because their only knowledge of this place came from a creepy vague signpost that implied that they might die here.

Meanwhile, Hilda shows up and is very, very confused. Aqua is there also and is so confused that he just - /screams/? This man just straight up yells. He misses his friends, okay? So right now it's nighttime, and Hilda has made a fire, and she happens to be in sight range of Twi and Windy. Twilight decides that they need as much help as they can get, so he proceeds to metal gear solid his way into her camp, pops up from behind a tree and offers vaguely to join them which either confuses Hilda more or pisses her off. I'm still not sure, but this is the moment where these two become rivals. Hilda refuses, but she still kind of sticks around.

I'm not entirely sure if I remember how Aqua joined the gang, but I think he just walked into our camp. So Twi is mostly group leader (much to Hilda's chagrin), starts assigning the gang roles so that they can get a camp running. Aqua goes off to get water, Twilight is in charge of finding food, and Hilda needs sticks for a fire. Also, we get nicknames!! Hilda never tells the group her actual name so Twi called her Dark Duchess one time and the name stuck. To fire back, Hilda called him dark lord. Aqua got called Turquoise Tunic once but gave them a lecture on how his clothes are sky blue and not turquoise.

Hilda ends up finding Time and Navi passed out in the middle of nowhere, and she trusts him because he mentioned that he's friends with Princess Zelda, so she tells Time her actual name. Time is a nice enough guy that he keeps the secret. Meanwhile, Twi places a deku nut trail to find his way back after discovering a decrepit mansion deep within the forest. Sure, it's not food, but it's better shelter than staying out in the wilderness.

The gang regroups. Twilight /swears/ that he recognizes Time but will never admit it. Eventually, just before they leave to go to the mansion, Time and Twilight have a bonding moment where they learn about each other's histories. Twi tells him about the whole Hero's Shade thing, which is a shocker to the younger Time (who has just completed the Spirit Temple), but he promises to make sure to still teach him since it's essential to his journey. This makes Twilight trust Time more than anyone else in the gang.

So everyone heads to the mansion.  Upon arriving and heading to the second floor, Twilight senses a Poe and is forced to go into wolf form to fight it. To the others, it just looks like Wolf Twi mauling air while levitating. Hilda is a little late to the party so she never got to see wolf Twi, and he explains this to the gang.  Aqua is still hecka confused. Hilda also takes off her heels, finally. The room with the Poe is actually a bedroom,  and so Twilight uses his lantern to light the room up a bit. They're all pretty tired. Twi hasn't slept since they got here, and who knows how chaotic his sleep schedule was before this.

After making sure everyone has blankets, Twilight passes flat out onto one of the beds. Everyone is pretty shocked by this since they haven't seen how much of a rough sleeper he is. He keeps mumbling things to himself and rolls around, falling off the bed at some point. Time plays his ocarina to help them sleep. Twilight wakes up in the middle of the night,  heads downstairs to try and clear his mind. 

He explores the mansion,  coming into a hallway with a sort of Darknut. Twilight fights it because  of course he does,  and like hell he's gonna let anyone else get hurt.  A thing about Twi: he will ALWAYS dedicate himself to protecting other people as a defense mechanism after losing a lot of his friends. He succeeds,  but also ends up waking up Hilda. Hilda is cranky because she didn't get her beauty rest or something,  and Twi makes the argument of "Uhm, I just save your life??". The two bicker a bit before Aqua and Time get up.

Deciding to explore the mansion,  the gang stumbles into another room. Twilight gets crushed by a wall master which is /ow/ but manages to cut his way out of it,  killing the thing.  This also leaves him covered in blood and slime and generally ew things,  which makes Hilda panic until Aqua uses the waterfall rod thing to clean him off. They end up finding themselves in the kitchen, where they meet the ghost of a little girl named Clarice. 

You might be thinking, what harm could this little kid possibly do? A lot. A lot is the answer. So basically, Clarice is bound to the mansion and can't leave. All she wants to do is explore the world outside so she can have some playmates. Hilda tries to use her magic to unbind her. This does not work, Hilda messes up the spell, and now Clarice is flying away and Twilight is following her in wolf form. The gang chase Clarice until they get to the top floor; a magnificent ballroom. Twilight goes back to human form and sees who else but Princess Midna, the girl who left the light world for good. Or did she? If she's here, then he thinks that things are going to be alright.

Twilight rushes up to hug Midna, after all, he hasn't seen her in nearly two years. Hilda catches up and sees a different story- Ravio. Holding Lorule's triforce. Not realizing that her triforce has already been restored, Hilda sprints up to go hug Ravio. This causes problems with Twi, who was kind of having a moment there. They start to argue for a bit. Aqua comes in, he sees Blaze (red link from Tfh), the friend that he hasn't seen since he got here. He's of course happy to be there, and also goes up to him.

And then Time comes along. He's the only one who sees the /real/ person. A horrifying monster. And all three of them think that this is someone dear to them. When Time fires an arrow at the corrupted Clarice, as you can expect, PROBLEMS OCCUR. Because you basically just stabbed Midna right in front of Twilight, which by the way, the last time that happened, he nearly had a coronary. Because you basically just stabbed Ravio right in front of Hilda. Because you just stabbed Blaze right in front of Aqua.

All hell breaks loose after that.

Twilight is reasonably pissed and pulls out the ball and chain. Time panics and cast's Nayru's Love to protect himself. Hilda wants to hurt Time first so she tries to trip Twi with magical vines. Twilight doesn't give a crap and runs himself over to Time, getting into a sword fight. After a while of arguing, Time manages to convince Twi that what he saw wasn't the real thing. Meanwhile, while Hilda and Twi are busy trying to give Time hell, Aqua rushes up to try and get Blaze out of the crossfire. Perhaps they could escape together and forget all this. He's about to make a run for it when Twilight comes up and starts telling him what Time said while Time fends off Hilda.

Aqua is SO confused and doesn't know what to do until Twilight says "That's an illusion " and everything starts making sense to Hilda. Lorule's triforce is fine. They don't even need this. Ravio isn't here. This isn't real. Having used up her magic, she falls down and nearly passes out. Time stabs Corrupted Clarice, which also nearly traumatized Aqua.

The fight is over, and everyone is mentally and physically destroyed.

They all recuperate, Hilda finally tells the group her real name and now has intense self doubt, Twi and Time patch themselves up with the help of Aqua. They start sharing stories to pass the time. Hilda talks about the beauty of Lorule, Aqua talks about his adventures with Forest and Blaze, and also sings a song. Twilight takes a deep sigh before finally talking about Midna and the Twilight Realm. Everyone is surprised to hear about all this and he seems genuinely distraught about it.

Everyone is mostly okay until an arc that me and Ash planned happens - a Kargoarc bursts through the window. Aqua had gone down to get their blankets, also. Twilight notices that it's from his Hyrule and gets up to fight, but Hilda is stubborn and wants to help too. Twilight aims a bomb arrow, Hilda uses a fireball.

BOTH miss.

The mansion is on FIRE.

Both of them panic. Hilda just wants to stay here and burn after all the things she's done but even though Twilight hates her he's not leaving her behind to die. They argue again, Time tries to reason with them but their fight escalates until they're both screaming their lungs out at each other. At one point - Twilight just /breaks/ and shifts into the mind of a little kid, which is really all he is, a kid that grew up told fast. He's crying. He asks if Hilda hates him and Hilda is about to scream at him before Time interrupts and knocks her out, having Twilight just carry her out. Time sends Navi to go help Aqua, and now it's a race against time to get out.

Twilight rushes down to the lower level, makes it to the second floor before the fire blocks his exit. He's trapped in a room, and has to make a split second decision to use a bedsheet as a rope to get them down from the window. He ties himself and Hilda together, ties an end to the windowsill, and jumps. It catches them the first time, thank Hylia, but then the sheet catches on fire and Twi is forced to untie themselves before they get burned.

He holds onto Hilda as much as he can, and then they fall.

Twilight hits his shoulder on a rock, shattering it on impact. Ow.

Hilda is mostly unharmed. That's all he needs to know before he passes out.

Time also jumps out of a window, but doesn't get hurt. Aqua finds a door and runs out, shielding Navi before passing out from the smoke.

These guys have been through some shindizzle, and it'll only get worse.

[s-oulpunk]

Vendetta (1/3) - Stenbrough

Summary: All Bill really wants is a shoulder to cry on.  All he really wants is for someone to tell him it’s going to be alright.  Robert has never let him down in that regard.

-

Bill hasn't been the same since his brother's disappearance, and the only man that seems to understand him is Robert "Bob" Gray. It doesn't matter that he's three times his age, Bill craves that understanding. He craves for someone to look him in the eye and tell him that everything's going to be okay. Unfortunately, there's always a price to pay, and Georgie was only the beginning.

TW: Violence, Manipulation, Non-Con, Kidnapping

Notes: This is a lot darker than my other fics, and, basically, I am so sorry.  The non-con stuff isn’t super graphic, but it is there so please be careful.

There are three parts to this fic.  I promise I will post them all, but updates will be slow.  All the chapters are really long and I’m busy with a lot of other things, so it takes me awhile to finish.

Also while this is technically a Stenbrough fanfic, their relationship isn’t the main focus of the fic.  It carries a lot of the plot but, overall, the fic is about Bill’s journey.

Read on AO3

Part One:

The Disappearance Of Georgie Denbrough:

Georgie Denbrough has been missing for half a year when Robert Gray shows up.  He just waltzes into Bill’s life, with a charming smile and sympathetic eyes that tell stories Bill can’t quite understand yet.  If Bill stares into them long enough, he thinks he can start to see pieces of some of those stories.  And they chill him to the bone.

He doesn’t know why.  He doesn’t know what exactly the stories are (and a part of him doesn’t know if he will ever want to), but Bill doesn’t need to know to feel the chill that runs down his back.

Robert Gray’s eyes are haunting.

And yet the rest of him is friendly enough, so Bill tries to not let himself worry over his eyes too much.  Instead he focuses on the warmth of Robert’s hand on his shoulder, on the way he smiles so wide it nearly splits his face in half, on the kind words he utters when Bill comes to him sobbing at odd hours of the day.

His friends don’t see it that way.

They see Robert and they see, to put it plainly, a creep who jumped at the opportunity to spend time with a bunch of fifteen year olds.  And they have no qualms about letting Bill know about their true feelings.

“You’re gonna get fucking murdered, Bill,” Eddie had said a few days after Robert’s first appearance. “You’re gonna get kidnapped and raped and then you’re gonna get murdered, is that what you want?  They’re gonna find your body in the basement of some creepy old house or, or, or deep in the woods or, like, in his bedroom.  And your skin’s gonna be all gross and decaying.  Or, fuck, what if he’s like some crazy cannibal?  They’re gonna find you with chunks of flesh missing and an eyeball in a martini glass and he’ll be making some kind of crazy, fucked up, dinner using your insides - Fuck, Bill!  Is that what you want?”

Bill thinks Eddie has quite the imagination.

All Bill really wants is a shoulder to cry on.  All he really wants is for someone to tell him it’s going to be alright.  Robert has never let him down in that regard.

“He’s a guh-good guy,” Bill had told Eddie. “You jj-juh-just have to give him a chance.”

Eddie had merely scoffed and told Bill he would never, ever let Robert Gray get close enough to do that.

Bill thinks that’s a tad bit unfair, but Eddie refuses to budge.

Sometimes, when Bill looks into Robert’s eyes, he can see why.  But those moments are fleeting.  They’re only a few seconds of gut twisting, vomit inducing anxiety before he remembers who he’s talking to and he’s overrun with unshakeable guilt.

In the weeks since, his friends still haven’t come around.  But they will eventually, Bill’s sure of it.

As of currently, they’re crowded into the clubhouse.  Richie and Eddie are curled up together in the hammock, lost in their own little world.  Bev is smoking by the open trapdoor.  Ben and Mike have combined efforts to put various posters and photos on the walls.  And Bill is sitting in the far corner, softly murmuring his latest story and trying very hard not to think about the fact that Stan is sitting so close he might as well be on his lap.

Stan doesn’t say a word throughout the story.  Instead he listens attentively, like Bill’s thoughts are worth paying attention to.  It makes Bill’s heart melt just a little bit.

When he finishes, he puts the notebook down gently, and turns to stare curiously at Stan. “So?”

“I didn’t like the ending,” is all Stan says.

“That’s ww-wh-what you said about my last one!” Bill exclaims.

“It’s too sad,” Stan says. “Sean never gets to go back home.  All his friends and family are looking for him, and he’s stuck trapped in his own head forever.”

“Robert luh-luh-liked it.”

Stan scoffs loudly. “Do I look like Robert to you?”

This, admittedly, does earn a chuckle from Bill.

“Just because it’s ss-suh-sad doesn’t mean that it’s not good.”

“But Sean deserves to be happy, don’t you think?”

Bill considers this for a moment.  Then, “Nope!” he says, popping the P.

“Why not?” Stan asks, lurching backwards to stare at him incredulously.

“Because I mmm-muh-made him,” Bill says. “And, therefore, I can dd-do whatever I want with him.”

Stan hums softly because, technically, this is true, but, “Why don’t you use your power for good?”

There’s a beat of silence.

“That rr-ruh-rarely happens in real life,” Bill murmurs.

It’s so much sadder than their previous conversation, and much more serious.  Bill almost feels bad saying it.  But it’s true.  People are rarely happy in real life, and if there is someone in the sky looking out for them, they sure as hell aren’t changing their ending to please their friend.  Even if said friend is cute as a button.

“I guess so,” whispers Stan. “But don’t you wish it did?”

“Yeah.” Bill does.  All the time. “Sometimes.”

Stan shuffles closer, tucking his head between Bill’s shoulder and neck.  Bill tries to ignore the heat that sprouts there, spilling through his veins and out to the rest of his body, making him tingly all over.  But he can’t.  As soon as it gets his attention, he’s gone.  The clubhouse disappears, replaced by Stan and the warmth that fills his veins.

“I think you’re gonna be alright,” Stan says. “Whoever’s writing your ending is looking out for you.”

Bill fiddles nervously with the corner of his notebook. “Robert thinks we mmm-muh-might still be able to find jj-juh-juh-Georgie.”

“I...Yeah.  Maybe.”

Stan looks so defeated.  Like he knows Bill won’t listen to whatever he has to say.  Which, in all honesty, he probably wouldn’t.  But that doesn’t make Bill feel any less guilty.

“Are you still looking for him?” Stan asks.  But he knows the answer.

“Yeah,” Bill says. “Robert usually huh-helps me.”

“That’s nice of him.”

“Mhm.  We’re supposed to go ll-luh-look down by the barrens later today.”

“Oh.”

Bill can feel Stan stiffen beside him.  He’s got his legs pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped securely around his knees, and Bill’s sure that, if he were wearing shorts, his fingernails would be digging into his skin, judging by how tightly he’s gripping his knees.

“Robert?” The intrusion, while Bill loves all his friends, is unwelcomed.  These moments with Stan feel intimate.  Special.  Richie doesn’t get to interrupt just because he overhears something he doesn’t like. “You’re still talking to that freak?” He’s swinging slowly in the hammock, a worn out comic in one hand, Eddie wrapped securely in the other.  But he’s not paying attention to either.  Instead he’s got his gaze fixed on Bill, his glasses making his infuriated eyes seem 12x bigger.

Bill rolls his eyes. “He’s not that bad, Rich.”

“Not that bad?” Richie says. “Eds, did you hear that?  Robert’s not that bad!  Not at all!  We better shout this from the rooftops.  Hey, Losers!  Robert’s not that bad!”

“Sh-Sh-Shut up, Richie,” Bill groans.

“We’re just worried,” Bev says.  She flicks some of the cigarette ash onto the ground. “You can’t blame us for that.”

It’s true, he can’t, but, “Yuh-You don’t have anything to be worried about.”

Bev hums softly.  She clearly doesn’t believe him.  It infuriates Bill a little bit, but he wills those emotions away.  These are his friends, of course they would be worried.

Stan must sense another quarrell coming on, he’s got a fifth sense for that kind of stuff, because he gently taps Bill’s knee and murmurs, “Write me another story.”

And who is Bill to argue?

-

Bill doesn’t like the barrens.  He had been so hopeful when he first started searching here, so sure he would find clues.  Subconsciously he had hoped he would find Georgie just sitting there, patiently waiting for his big brother to find him.

But he never did.

And now the barrens represent that failure, that loss.  He doesn't know if he’ll ever be able to step foot in them again without remembering the brother who didn’t come home.  And yet he’s still down here constantly, still searching for possible clues.  He still never finds any.

“This is useless,” Bill hisses. “Hh-huh-he’s not down here.  He’s not-” He sniffs harshly.  He can already feel the tears stinging at his eyes. “This is sss-stuh-stupid.  Dad’s ruh-ruh-right, he’s-” Bill grits his teeth.  He can’t afford to think like that. “We need to look somewhere else.  If he ww-wuh-was here, he’s not anymore.”

Robert glances at him curiously. “Where do you want to look?”

“I-” Bill doesn’t have an answer.  Because he’s looked, quite literally, everywhere.  He’s searched every inch of this god forsaken town, then searched it again, and again, and again.  There’s nowhere else to look. “Maybe he got ll-luh-lost.  In the woods.  Maybe we jj-juh-just have to look harder.”

It’s pathetic, really.

On some level, Bill knows Georgie isn’t in the woods.  He knows he isn’t anywhere.  No seven year old can survive for half a year on their own.  And yet he can’t admit it, even to himself.

“We’ve checked the woods, kid,” Robert says with a heavy sigh.

“But - But -” Oh, nononono, Robert’s giving up on him too.  The one person who didn’t judge him, and now he thinks he’s gone crazy as well.  Not that Bill can really blame him.  Sometimes he wonders about his own sanity. “We haven’t looked that dd-deep.” Bill knows he sounds desperate, but he can’t stop it. “Maybe - Maybe we’ll ff-fuh-find something.” Before Robert can respond, because Bill knows that look in his eye, knows he won’t be getting the answer he wants, he hurriedly adds, “I can do something for you.”

That catches Robert’s attention.  It always does.

He hesitates, and for a moment Bill worries his answer isn’t going to change.  But then he says, “Alright, get in the truck,” and Bill doesn’t think he’s heard a better suggestion in all of his life.

He practically runs to the truck.  Not that it matters.  He still has to wait for Robert to open it, because he has, like, a million locks on the damned thing.

Robert unlocks it with a chuckle, like Bill’s a child who just asked the sugariest cereal at the grocery store.

“Okay,” Bill says, as soon as they’re both seated. “I think we sh-sh-should check past the town limits.  We huh-haven’t looked-”

“Bill.” Robert chuckles again. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Bill’s heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach. “Nn-Nuh-Now?”

Robert looks at him pointedly. “There won’t be time afterwards.”

Which, Bill supposes is true.  Once he starts looking, he doesn’t stop until he can’t see two feet in front of him.  Even then, oftentimes he has to be dragged away.

But he hates this part.  It makes him feel weird, like there’s dirt trapped under his skin that he can’t dig out.  Being able to wait a few more hours would be nice.  Nevertheless, a deal’s a deal.

“Alright,” he murmurs. “Yuh-Yeah, okay.  Just-” Maneuvering himself into the right position is, admittedly, harder than it looks.  The truck is cramped and by the time Bill manages to find a semi-comfortable position, Robert’s already growing impatient.

Bill’s barely managed to get Robert’s belt open before calloused fingers are grasping at his hair, pushing him down, down, down until air has become a precious resource.  Luckily, Bill doesn’t have to do too much work this time.  This happens sometimes, if Robert gets too rowdy too fast.  He’ll take control of Bill’s actions, ignoring if he gags or if his face turns purple, forcing him to go as fast or as slow as he wants.

As much as Bill hates having to work hard at something that is, admittedly, disgusting - not that he’d ever dare say that to Robert’s face - having Robert control him is always so much worse.  Bill’s sure Robert wouldn’t ever hurt him, but it’s clear in moments like these who has the control.  If something went wrong, Bill wouldn’t be able to get away.  He can’t move an inch.

But he shouldn’t be worrying about that.  Because nothing’s going to go wrong.  Besides, Robert’s doing so much for him, this is the least he could do.

It seems to take forever before Robert’s finished.  But once he is, Bill jumps back, cheeks still puffed wide like a hamster.  This is the worst part, he thinks.  And the longer he waits, the worse it is, but he can’t get himself to take that last fucking step.

“Good?” Robert purrs.  Bill nods, even though he wishes the ground would swallow him whole, because what the fuck else is he supposed to do? “You look so pretty like this.” Bill wants to cry.  Which is a stupid fucking reaction.  Who cries after - after - after that? “C’mon.” Robert’s got a hand on his cheek, thumb gently brushing the bone. “I know you can do it.” And, God, Bill just wants him to stop talking.  So he does it.  He swallows as quickly as he can, fighting his instinct to gag it all back up. “Good boy.”

Bill turns quickly, forcing Robert’s hand to slip off his face. “Can ww-wuh-we go nuh-now?” he asks.  He stares straight ahead as Robert starts the car.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t mean anything.  He’s still fine.  He’s still good.  He’s still redeemable.

-

The next day, things are not better.

They didn’t find anything relating to Georgie, the Losers still think Robert’s a creep, and, to make it all worse, Bill’s throat feels like it’s on fire.

“You don’t sound too good, Billy,” Eddie says. “You might be getting sick.”

Bill hums softly.  “Mm-Maybe-” he winces at how rough his voice sounds. “-Maybe I sh-sh-should go home.”

“Just rest here,” Stan suggests. “You can stay in my bed.”

“I - I don’t wanna get you ss-suh-sick.”

Stan shrugs. “It’s fine, I can change the sheets.  I know how to do laundry.” Richie wolf whistles from across the room. “Oh, fuck off!”

“We can make you soup,” Eddie says.  He’s already gathering the ingredients, so Bill supposes there’s no point in arguing.

He drags his feet up to Stan’s room, ignoring the growing pit in his stomach.  He should just tell them the truth.  It’s not that big of a deal, right?

It’s not until he’s curled up in bed that he notices Bev standing in the doorway.

“I know you’re not sick,” she says.

“I am,” Bill insists. “Doctor E-Eddie said suh-so.”

Bev gently shuts the door behind her. “Doctor Eddie’s also never had his throat fucked before.”

Bill winces. “That’s nuh-not what happened.”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” she hisses. “I’m not an idiot.  You have to stop doing this.”

“I’m not doing ah-anything wrong!”

“You protected me from my dad, you think I’m not gonna do the same for you?”

“It’s not th-th-the same.  Wuh-We’re just friends, Bevvy.”

“He is not your friend, William.” Bev regards him warily. “I won’t tell the others.  But I think you should really think about your so-called friendship with Robert.” Bev turns to re-open the door.  At the last minute, she turns back to face Bill. “Stan wants to know if you’re staying over.  Ya know, parents out of town.  Losers sleepover.”

Bill nods. “Pp-Pruh-Probably.”

Bev smiles softly. “Cool.  And think about it, Bill.  Alright?  We really do want to help.”

And then she’s gone, leaving Bill alone with his thoughts.

The worst part of the conversation is that Bill remembers having the same talk with Bev a little less than a year ago.  Their places had been reversed then.  Bill had dragged her away from the prying eyes of the rest of the Losers and begged and begged until she broke.  She told him everything that night.  And he held her through all of it, clutching her to his chest as Beverly Marsh, perhaps the strongest of them all, sobbed into his shoulder.

The memory is still raw, and not one he’s willing to share with anyone.  She told the rest of the Losers the next day, but that night had been something private.  Something that wasn’t meant to be shared.

It had been one of the most terrifying nights of Bill’s life.  Second only to realizing Georgie wasn’t coming home.

The thought almost makes him chase after her, almost makes him tell her everything.

Except it’s not the same.  Because nothing’s wrong.

Robert’s not his father.  Robert’s his friend.  He holds him when he cries, and listens to him when he needs to talk about Georgie again and again and again, and takes him wherever he wants to look for his baby brother, even if he knows they won’t find anything.

He’s sure if he explained that, she would understand.  He didn’t understand either at first.  But, “It’s just like a trade,” Robert had told him. “Remember how I drove you to town limits?  I even bought you lunch afterwards.  I do so much for you.”  Which, admittedly, is true.

It’s not like Robert’s holding him down or ripping his clothes off.  Bill goes willingly, even if he cries afterwards sometimes.  But Robert says that’s normal.

“Knock, knock.” Stan’s standing in the doorway now, a piping hot bowl of chicken noodle soup in his hands. “Eddie’s insistent that this will cure you.”

“Mmm.  Doctor’s oh-orders,” Bill says, making grabby hands at the bowl.

“Doctor’s orders,” Stan repeats, a fond smile on his face.

He closes the door gingerly behind him before crossing to sit on the edge of the bed, soup balanced carefully on his lap.

Bill looks forward to these moments with Stan.  These quiet, intimate moments where it feels like anything is possible.  It’s these moments that make him think maybe this godforsaken town is wrong, and the way he feels about his friend is okay.  It’s these moments that make him think maybe Stan feels it too.

“Are you gg-guh-gonna spoon feed me soup?” Bill asks as he fumbles to sit upright.

Stan just shrugs. “I mean, you’re sick.”

Bill nods gravely. “Deathly ill.”

That makes Stan crack a smile, but he quickly ducks his head in an attempt to hide it from Bill’s prying eyes.  Bill sees it though, and it warms his heart far more than the soup ever could.

“Alright,” Stan murmurs. “Open wide.”

The soup, to put it lightly, is not good.

Out of all the Losers, Mike and Ben are probably the best cooks.  But judging by how anal retentive Eddie is, Bill has no doubt that he refused their help.  He can practically see him, in his head, shooing away his friends as Ben desperately tries to salt the slowly warming broth.

He doesn’t say a word, but Stan must notice the way Bill’s face contorts as he tries to force the soup down because he murmurs a quiet, “Sorry.  Eddie thought adding anything else would take away from its quote unquote healing properties.”

Stan’s always been able to read him like a book.  All the Losers are close, but something’s special about his friendship with Stan.  Bill’s never had to say a word for him to know exactly what he’s thinking.

“Ff-Fuh-Figures,” Bill says.

“He just worries about you,” Stan says.

“He sh-shouldn’t have to. That’s not his jj-juh-job.”

Stan shrugs. “You would do the same for him.”

Bill doesn’t answer, because he knows it’s true.

-

At around 1 in the morning, Bill decides he can’t stay over any longer.

He’s got the bed to himself, on account of him being “sick,” but the rest of the Losers are spread unceremoniously across the floor.  He has to tiptoe over their sleeping bodies, nearly tripping over Mike’s legs, to get to the door.  And, of course, Richie and Eddie are cuddled up directly against it.  He nudges them away with the top of his foot until there’s enough distance for him to slip out, which he does as quickly as possible.

He grabs the phone in the kitchen, which he’s sure is far enough away that it won’t wake the others, and quickly punches in the numbers swimming through his head.

The phone rings once, twice, three times.  Enough that he thinks maybe he won’t pick up.  But right as he’s about to hang up, a quiet voice rumbles through his ear, “Hello?”

“Robert!” he chirps.

“Billy?  What the hell are you doing up at this hour?”

Bill gnaws nervously on his lower lip.  Of course Robert’s asleep, he should’ve remembered that tiny detail.

“Sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t huh-have woken you.”

“It’s alright, kid,” Robert says. “I’m up now.  What do you need?”

“Can you pick me up?” Bill asks, before he can talk himself out of it.

“Sure,” Robert says through a yawn. “You at your house?”

“I’m at mm-muh-my friend’s house,” Bill says. “Hang on, I’ll guh-get you the address.”

Once he’s sure Robert’s going to come, he sets about writing a note for the Losers.  He knows there’s pen and paper back in Stan’s room, but it’s too risky going back there, so he settles for digging through the office until he finds what he needs.

He’s halfway through said note when a soft noise startles him.  He whips around, half expecting to come face to face with a knife-wielding murderer.  But it’s just Stan.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

He’s blinking sleepily, obviously barely staying awake, and his hair is sticking up in all directions.  His pajamas are a little too big on him, which is a sudden change from the Stanley that refuses to wear anything unless it fits just right.  It’s suddenly too difficult to not imagine Stan in one of Bill’s oversized flannels.

It’s all so overwhelming that Bill nearly forgets to respond.

“What’s that?” Stan asks again, gesturing weakly to the pen in Bill’s hand.

“I - Uh - I’m guh-gonna go,” Bill says. “I just - I dd-duh-didn’t want you to freak out in the morning.”

Stan cocks his head curiously, and it’s so cute that Bill nearly calls Robert to tell him he’s changed his mind. “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah,” Bill murmurs. “I’m ss-sorry.  I don’t wanna get you guys sick.”

A more honest man would have told Stan that he’s terrified of facing Bev’s wrath again tomorrow.  But Bill never claimed to be an honest man.

“Is your dad picking you up?” Stan asks.

“I - Um - I called Robert.”

That makes Stan pause. “You gave Robert my address?”

“How else is he gonna puh-pick me up?” It’s a lame argument, but it’s all Bill’s got.

Stan seems to be at a loss for words too, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. “But - But - Why - I don’t want-”

“It’s ff-fuh-fine, Stan,” Bill assures him. “He’s not even gonna come inside.”

“I don’t know if that defines fine,” Stan grumbles.

Robert pulls up less than a minute later.

Bill scrambles to give Stan a hug before rushing outside to meet him.  The summer air keeps most of the cold at bay, but it’s still fairly chilly, so Bill throws himself into the car as quickly as he can.

“Th-Thanks,” Bill says.

“Don’t mention it,” Robert says.  He sounds much more awake now than over the phone. “You alright?”

“Mhm,” Bill says. “Jj-Juh-Just had to get out of there.” It’s then that Bill realizes the street they’re on doesn’t go to his house. “Wh-Where are we going?”

“Back to my place,” Robert says. “Figured we might as well just rest there.  That alright?”

Bill figures that sounds reasonable enough. “Yeah.  Th-That’s alright.”

In all honesty, it is fine.  What’s Bill gonna do at home?  Sit and stare at his ceiling all night and then not talk to his parents the next morning because they don’t care what happens to him?  Sounds fun, but he’ll have to pass.

Bill’s never been to Robert’s apartment before.  It’s smaller than he expected, but nice nonetheless.  It has a cute little kitchen, a big, comfy couch directly across from an old TV, and huge, open windows.  It’s normal.  Almost overwhelmingly normal.

Bill almost wants to call his friends and tell them as much. “He’s not a psychopath,” he would say. “What kind of psychopath lives in a normal apartment?”

Psychopaths live in old, run down, abandoned houses in the middle of nowhere.  Friendly people who are absolutely nothing like Beverly’s father live in normal apartments.

“You have a nuh-nice apartment,” Bill says, politely.

Robert chuckles lowly. “Thank you.”

Then a hand is being placed on the small of Bill’s back and he’s being pushed farther and farther into the apartment until he collapses into the big, comfy couch.  Robert sits next to him, a single casual hand on his shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Bill shrugs. “It’s not a bb-big deal.  They just...They don’t understand.  Ss-Suh-Sometimes it’s hard to be around them.”

It’s not completely true.  They’ve lost people before.  Eddie lost his father.  Mike lost his parents.  Stan lost his grandmother just a month or two ago.

But it’s not the same.  Because none of them were responsible for that loss.

Robert nods and pulls Bill closer to him, tucking him against his side.

“People who haven’t been through what you have, they’ll never understand,” Robert says. “They don’t know what it’s like to lose someone like that.  The bond between siblings is something special, and tearing it apart is one of the most painful things one could do.”

Bill sniffles quietly and shuffles closer to Robert’s side, burying his face in his shoulder. “I muh-muh-miss hh-him.”

“I know,” Robert coos.  A gentle hand cards through Bill’s hair. “I know you do.”

“Duh-Does it even get easier?” Bill asks, voice muffled through the fabric of Robert’s T-Shirt.

Robert sighs heavily. “I’m gonna be honest with you kid, not really.” He chuckles softly at the whine Bill lets out. “I know, I know.  But you learn to live with it.  I miss my brother every day, it’s just a part of my life now.”

Bill twists around to stare up at Robert with wide, starry eyes. “Wh-What was your brother like?”

“Maturin was the sweetest soul I’ve ever known.  He always put others before himself, always made sure everyone else was happy.  He would give up everything if it just meant I would crack a smile.” He offers Bill perhaps the saddest smile he’s ever seen. “The best of us are truly the ones we lose too soon.”

Bill nods mutely.  Georgie was truly the best of the Denbrough family.  He was always willing to help out however he could, even as young as he was, and was always happiest whenever everyone else was happy.  It almost pains Bill to hear someone else described as the “sweetest soul.”

“I’m - I might guh-go to bed,” Bill mutters. “I’m - I’m pp-pruh-pretty tired.”

“Great idea,” Robert says.  As if on cue, he lets out a loud yawn.

“Do you huh-have some blankets I could borrow?”

“Yeah, sure,” Robert says.  He makes a show of walking towards the linen cabinet before stopping and turning back towards Bill. “Ya know, why don’t you just sleep in my bed tonight.”

Bev’s words ring out through Bill’s head.  He forces himself to keep eye contact. “Why?”

Robert shrugs. “I’m tired, you’re tired, and it’ll take awhile to make up the couch.  The bed’s big enough” When Bill still hesitates, he sighs heavily. “Billy, have I ever hurt you before?” Bill shakes his head. “Then what’s the big deal?”

Bill pauses for only a split-second.

“No big deal.”

He follows Robert into the bedroom.

-

The next time Bill sees Stan, it’s just the two of them.

They’re lounging on Bill’s bed, Bill furiously scribbling into a notebook as Stan watches over the top of his book.  It’s peaceful, just being with Stan like this.  Something as simple as his presence has always done wonders for Bill’s nerves.

“What are you writing?” Stan asks.

“Re-writing th-the ending,” Bill says.  His voice is slow and distracted, but Stan doesn’t seem to mind.  He puts down his current book and shuffles closer, peering curiously over Bill’s shoulder.

“The one you let me read at the clubhouse?”

“Mhm.”

Stan lets out a little huff. “How are you torturing poor Sean now?”

Bill finally tears his gaze away from the notebook, instead fixing Stan with an affronted stare.

“I’m nuh-not torturing him!” he insists. “I’m trying to write a hh-happier ending.”

Bill doesn’t know why, but it’s embarrassing to admit.  He feels like he’s just revealed some deep, dark secret.  But Stan’s smiling, grinning almost infectiously wide, so Bill can’t be too hard on himself.  He’s always liked making Stan smile.

“Really?”

He sounds so excited.  Bill thinks it’s kind of dumb.  He’s half tempted to remind him that, hey, Sean isn’t actually real.  He’s just a clump of words on a piece of paper.  But Stan looks so unbelievably happy, Bill can’t possibly take that away from him.

“Jj-Juh-Just for you,” Bill says.

It makes Stan smile softly, like he can’t really believe it. “For me?” Bill nods. “I wrote it ff-for you, I can’t give it an eh-ending you don’t like.”

Stan scrunches up his nose, a key sign that he’s deep in thought.  It’s cute, and it kind of makes Bill want to kiss him.

“I want Sean to kiss Suzie,” he says finally.

Bill groans loudly. “That’s so mm-muh-much extra work!  Now I have to ah-add in a whole romance-”

“What about Jacob?” Stan says the words so quickly that Bill’s almost positive he’d imagined them.  But Stan is red-faced and rigid, and that’s all it takes for Bill to know that the words he heard were very much real. “Would that - Would that be okay?”

Bill blinks slowly.  Would that be okay?  He thinks so.  But how would he explain that to his mother if, God forbid, she ever stumbled upon this story?

“Bill?” Stan sounds so small, and when Bill snaps out of his thoughts he can see a sense of terror in Stan’s eyes that he’s never seen before.

“Yeah,” Bill murmurs. “Yeah, that’d be okay.”

Stan doesn’t say anything as Bill continues to write, but he watches him like a hawk.  It’s like he’s afraid Bill will change his mind the moment he turns his back.  Like he’s scared Bill will retaliate, and that it won’t be unlike the insults Bowers and his goons usually throw at him.  The fact that Stan even thinks that makes Bill hot with shame.

“Sean’s buh-better with Jacob, anyway,” he says, just to quell Stan’s worries.

Stan still doesn’t answer, but he does shuffle a bit closer.

By the time Bill finishes the story, Stan looks like he’s ready to implode.  It’s about five pages longer than it was originally supposed to be, he still needed to add basically a whole other storyline to make the romance work, but Stan still reads it diligently.

“It’s cute,” he says softly, once he’s finished.

“You like it?”

Stan nods. “Better than the old ending.”

That makes Bill beam, because all he ever really wants is Stan’s approval.

“Look,” Stan murmurs, setting the notebook down gently beside him.  He handles it with care, like it’s something worth worrying about. “I’m really sorry I made you do that.  I didn’t - I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“I ww-wuh-wasn’t uncomfortable!” Bill insists. “It was a guh-good idea, it was cute!  I jj-just didn’t know-”

“I’m gay.” And Bill has so many things to say, so many questions, but Stan barrels on before he can get even one of them out. “You probably figured that out, though.  Fuck - I shouldn’t have - I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean - I didn't mean to make things weird.  Really.  Can we just pretend like this never happened?  I’m - I’m sorry.  You can write the Suzie ending.  You can just - just burn that one I guess.  Fuck.  I’m sorry-”

Bill grabs him by the front of his perfectly ironed polo and pulls him closer, closer, closer until their mouths are clashing together.  It’s everything Bill’s been dreaming of.  His lips are soft, softer than Bill could have even imagined, and it fills every dark, broken, crevice that haunts Bill’s heart with a warm, sunshiny feeling.

Bill pulls away to find Stan wide-eyed and pink-faced.  He desperately wants to know what Stan’s thinking, but he’s shocked into a silence that speaks one too many volumes.

“Ss-Suh-Sorry,” Bill mutters.  He forces his hands to unclench from around Stan’s shirt.  The material is still wrinkled, but Bill figures that’s the least of their worries at the moment.  Because, fuck, Stan didn’t mean him. “I sh-shouldn’t have assumed.”

“I mean,” Stan’s fingers lift up to ghost over his lips, “A little warning would’ve been nice.”

Bill’s heart stutters in his chest. “Wh-What’s that muh-mean?”

Stan shakes his head, like he isn’t really sure himself. “You could’ve asked.”

Bill swallows the lump in his throat. “Can I kiss you?”

Rather than answering, Stan lurches forward and presses their lips together in a bruising kiss.  And, fuck, this is even better.  Stan’s got one hand in his hair, the other gripping his shoulder like he’s steadying himself.  The way his lips move against Bill’s leave him lightheaded, and he has to grip Stan’s hips to remind himself that he isn’t, in fact, dreaming.

“Huh-Holy shit,” he says, the words muffled by Stan’s lips.

“Shut up, shut up,” Stan chants.  Bill can feel Stan’s lips fumble against his own as he speaks.  It makes him just a little bit crazy.

Bill does, in fact, shut up.  He drags his hands up to cup Stan’s face, holding his cheeks like he’s precious cargo.  The kiss slows but doesn’t stop, turning into something so sweet it makes Bill’s teeth rot.

He pulls away slowly, because it’s just about the last thing he wants to do, but his lungs are starting to ache.  Seeing Stan with puffy lips and glassy eyes is enough to convince Bill to duck back in for one last peck before pulling away for good.

“You’re beautiful,” Bill blurts out.

“Oh.”

“And I think I’m in love with you.”

“Oh!”

“I think I’ve always been in love with you.  Ever since we were kids.  Ever ss-since you waddled into my life as a cute little preschooler and demanded I use the hand sanitizer before shaking your hand.”

“You were covered in dirt,” Stan says weakly.

Bill laughs.  A real laugh, from deep in his stomach.  He hasn’t laughed like that in a long time.

He tries to go in for another kiss but Stan stops him, a hand clamped tightly over his mouth.

“Wait, wait,” he says. “I need to tell you something.” Bill hums softly against his palm.  Stan’s eyes wander slowly over Bill, taking him all in.  He looks flustered, but Bill doesn’t think he’s stalling.  Taking a mental picture, more like.  Bill understands.  If there’s one moment he never wants to forget, it’s this one.  Then, “I love you too.”

Bill’s spent his entire life trying to perfect the english language.  He’s spent years hunched over a notebook, writing and re-writing and writing and re-writing until he’s gotten it as close to perfect as he possibly could.  But nothing he’ll ever write will even get close to the perfect poetry that just flowed from Stan’s lips.

Bill grabs Stan’s hand between his own, leaving millions of tiny kisses along the palm.

“Please luh-let me kiss you again,” Bill practically begs. “Please, pp-please, please.”

Stan grants his wish, leaping forward to press their lips together again.

Distantly, Bill thinks this is better than breathing.  If there’s one way he wants to die, it’s suffocating with Stanley Uris’ lips against his.

-

Two days later, no one has seen Stanley in a full 24 hours.  A familiar panic has settled in Bill’s stomach.  He’s gone through every other possible scenario in his head, gone through every excuse.  But on some level he knows, Stan met the same fate as Georgie.

The Losers have spent the whole day wandering around town, hoping against hope they’ll find him somewhere.  That it’s all just one, big misunderstanding.  Bill keeps half expecting to see him around every corner, waiting for them with an eye roll and a dry joke that lets them know just know silly they were for thinking he had gone missing.  He’s never there.

They’re all uncharacteristically quiet that day.  Even Richie doesn’t say a word.  He just clings to Eddie’s hand and searches with an uncharacteristic amount of diligence.

Bill wants to fucking scream.

He wants to tell Richie it’s okay to talk, it’s okay to joke, it’s okay to be fucking normal.  Because nothing’s wrong.  Stan’s fine and he’s going to be back any minute.

But, at the end of the day, Bill still finds himself in front of Robert’s door with enough tears to fill the Derry city pool streaming down his face.

“Huh-He’s guh-guh-gone,” Bill sobs.

Robert ushers him inside without another word.  He lets Bill bundle up in his bed, pulling the covers up his chin and burying his face in the pillows.  Somewhere in the back of his mind he recognizes some form of guilt for letting Robert’s pillows get so wet, but that’s the least of his worries at the moment.

“Billy.” Robert kneels by the edge of the bed.  Through blurry eyes, Bill can see his eyebrows furrow in concern. “What happened?” Bill shakes his head.  He can’t.  He can’t say it.  Saying it makes it too real. “C’mon, you can do it.  I know you can.  Tell me what’s wrong.”

“St-Stanley.  He - He’s-” Bill doesn’t get to finish before a fresh wave of tears wash over him.  Fuck.  Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

Robert scoops him up in his arms, cuddling him close to his chest.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs. “You’re going to be okay.  I’m going to make sure you’re okay.”

And Bill can do nothing but believe him.

-

Bill wakes up about an hour later to Robert gently mouthing at his neck, his hand gripping Bill’s hip hard enough to leave bruises.  Bill grumbles softly and tries to roll away, but Robert tugs him back.  He moves the hand on his hip to wrap tightly around Bill’s waist, effectively pinning him against him.

“‘M tt-tired,” Bill whines, voice still sore from crying.

“Had a dream,” Robert mumbles.  His breath against his neck makes Bill’s skin prickle, but not in the same way Stan’s lips had. “A good dream.  Need your help.”

“Ruh-Robert,” Bill huffs.

Not now, he wants to say.  Not after he just got his heart stolen from his body.

“I’ll help you look for Stanley tomorrow,” Robert says.  He’s moved on to mouthing at Bill’s jaw. “I always help you.”

Bill’s resolve crumbles.  How is he supposed to argue with that? “Ff-Fine.”

He reaches down for Robert’s belt, but Robert catches his wrist in one, big hand and pins it above his head.  It has Bill’s heart pounding in his ears and ice filling his veins.

“I have a better idea.”

Bill squirms, hoping it’ll convince Robert to let him go, but all it does is egg him on.  He squeezes his wrists tighter, until Bill has to grit his teeth to stop himself from flinching.

“I’ve nuh-never - Wuh-We’ve never-”

“We can look all day tomorrow.”

“I - I don’t know.”

Robert sighs heavily. “A man will only be so satisfied with blow jobs, Billy.”

And, God, Bill just wants to go home.  He hasn’t wanted to go there in so long but right now it’s the only place he can think of.  He wants to fucking go home.  He wants his mom to hold him and tell him he’s going to be alright.  He wants his dad to hug him tight and promise to keep him safe.

He just wants to be okay.

“All day?” he asks weakly.

Robert nods. “All day.”

“Oh-Okay.”

-

The first thing Stan notices when he wakes up is that he’s cold.

The second thing is that it’s dark.  Too dark to see anything.

The third is that he can’t fucking move.

His hands are behind his back, rope biting into his wrists.  His legs are curled underneath him.  He doesn’t think he could stand if he wanted to (which he does, he really, really does) but his ankles are tied together anyway.  And his back aches from being hunched over for God knows how long.  He tries to sit up straight, but something yanks him back down.

And then he stays there like that for what feels like at least a thousand years.

When a door is finally opened, it’s almost too much to bare.  The light is dim, barely there, but Stan still has to squint to get used to it.

And in the doorway is a man.  A very familiar man, in fact.  A man who knows his exact address after picking up his dumbass friend at 1 in the morning.

“Good morning,” says Robert.

He’s grinning wildly and Stan wants to fucking cry.  He wants to sob until his lungs give out, and then he wants to cry some more.

He can feel the beginning of pinprick tears forming behind his eyes, and he bites the inside of his cheek harshly to stop them from spilling out.  He may be a coward but he’ll be damned if he lets Robert know that.

“Aren’t you going to say hello?” Robert says cheerily.

Stan doesn’t answer.  He’s too focused on other things, like not crying in front of a psycho kidnapper.

“Awe, Stanny, that’s not very polite.”

He crosses the last few steps to ruffle Stan’s hair and Stan fucking breaks.  A sob wrenches its way out of his throat, making his shoulders shake and eyes burn.  Tears dribble pathetically down his cheeks, landing in tiny puddles on the floor.

“I’m suh-sorry,” Stan manages to choke out. “Wh-Wh-Whatever - Whatever I dd-duh-did.  I’m sorry.” He flinches as Robert cards his fingers through his hair, wrenching his head back when his fingers catch on the curls. “Please.”

Stan doesn’t know what he’s begging for, all he knows is that it doesn’t work.  Because Robert fucking laughs, all loud and boisterous, as if Stan’s told him one of Richie’s shitty jokes.

“Oh, Stanny,” he murmurs.  He moves to grasp Stan’s chin with one hand, squeezing his cheeks and pressing dirty nails into his skin. “This wouldn’t have happened if you had just kept your hands off of what’s mine.”

[arcadiahoney]

OTP Question Meme

I was tagged by @bimollymauks​ a little while ago, tysm Kit!!

Posting this on my oc blog, since I still feel goofy talking about them even though I love them so very much.

I have these vampires on the brain. I took out a few questions that didn’t work well for them. Here we go!

DISAGREEMENTS.

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

Both of them, but never shouting or yelling. Just a little louder to emphasize their point.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

Neither. That’s a huge thing to say and neither would ever do that.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

Neither.

Who trashes the house?

Neither would do that.

Do either of them get physical?

NO!!

How often do they argue/disagree?

They butted heads a little on anarch stuff back when they first met, but now they pretty much agree on most things. If they argue now, it tends to be about one of them being reckless (usually Audrey).

Who is the first to apologize?

Could be either. They don’t like to stay mad at each other for long.

FAMILY.

Do they plan on having children/or have children?

They can’t have kids, can’t even adopt being what they are and the life they live. This makes Audrey sad sometimes, since she had wanted them at some point in her life before her embrace. 

If so, how many children do they want/have?

Audrey would have wanted like three.

AFFECTION.

Who likes to cuddle?

Audrey openly loves to cuddle, and though he may not ever admit it, so does Nines.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?

Audrey slightly more so because she’s a pretty handsy person and always loves to be close but Nines often finds himself having to keep from reaching out to her. They settle for more subtle touches. They tried to keep their relationship on the down low in public for a while unless around close friends who already knew (it got out anyway). But when alone? They don’t hold back.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

Audrey would stay like that forever if she could, and he certainly wouldn’t complain, but of course, they have a lot to do.

What is their favorite non-sexual activity?

Taking walks around downtown, fighting something together, just hanging out alone or going to a lookout over the city.

Where is their favorite place to cuddle?

The couch in their apartment.

SLEEPING.

I’m gonna break with the vt/m canon regarding how vampires sleep/torpor, because I can! :))))

Who snores?

Seeing as how they don’t need to breathe, I don’t think they would snore?

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?

They share a bed after Audrey finally convinces him to move into her apartment with her.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

They usually are cozied up in some fashion. It took him a little while to get used to it, because he’s slept alone for so long, but now he loves having someone that close. Someone he trusts that much.

What do they wear to bed?

Audrey wears a tank top and shorts, sometimes a cute matching pj set or a big oversized t shirt and her underwear. He wears pj shorts or boxers and no shirt or a tank top

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

No, they wouldn’t work or need them anyway.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

Both, it just depends on the night.

Who wakes up with bed hair?

These vampires can move in their sleep/torpor in my canon, so they both do. Audrey thinks his ruffled-up bed hair is so cute.

Who wakes up first?

Almost always Nines, because he’s been a vampire far longer and is just more acclimated to the whole vampire sleep thing. Audrey was a late-sleeper as a human, too.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

Sadly, no breakfast in bed for them.

What is their favorite sleeping position?

Audrey likes to lay her head on his chest, and he will wrap an arm around her. Otherwise, cuddled up on their sides.

Do they set an alarm each night?

They don’t technically need them.

Who has nightmares?

Both, Audrey more frequently.

Can a television be found in their bedroom?

Yes, though they rarely use it. They’d rather sit in the living room for that, and Nines doesn’t watch much tv anyway.

Who has ridiculous dreams?

Audrey, which she loves regaling others with.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

Nines, through he swears its unintentional.

Who makes the bed?

They both make their side of the bed. They have to do it as soon as they wake up or it would never be done. As a consequence, many days it stays unmade.

What time is bed time?

Dawn, as soon as that sun starts to rise its lights out for vamps.

Any routines/rituals before bed?

Just the usual, showers, putting on pjs, curling up together and sometimes talking a little.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

Audrey. It takes her a little while to adjust to being awake.

WORK.

Who is the busiest?

Probably Nines, since he has a lot to take care of. But Audrey keeps very busy, too, with her own responsibilities.

Who rakes in the highest income?

I guess Audrey, since she owns half of Confession and Nines doesn’t actually have a paying job. I know he has the Last Round as a haven, but I don’t know if he actually owns it. ?

Are any of them unemployed?

Technically Nines, and pretty much Audrey, too. They dedicate most of their time to the anarchs. How these anarchs raise any money for necessary expenses without some kind of stable income I don’t know. At least the Camarilla+Ventrue have that sorted out!

Who takes the most sick days?

They don’t have to worry about getting sick, but Audrey likes to take some time off from her anarch duties for “fun days.”

What are their jobs?

Nines is the leader of the LA anarchs. Audrey is a prominent member of the anarchs, and also co-owns a club downtown, Confession.

Who sucks up to their boss?

Neither, since they don’t really have a boss. Technically Nines is the boss, but he already doesn’t like people to think of him that way, so he wouldn’t like for others to try and suck up to him.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?

Audrey, but only around 10 mins late at most. She’s always on time for meetings and the like, but a trip into the warrens or something less appealing? Perhaps she will be running a little behind.

Who stresses the most?

Audrey, but only ever after the fact. Some of her impulsive antics do stress him out, though.

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

They both are very dedicated to LA, and wouldn’t imagine doing anything else.

Are they financially stable?

I would guess so. Audrey should make enough with the club to pay her rent, but I wonder if the Camarilla owned the apartment building and had paid for her apartment? If so, now that they are gone, who owns it? I have no idea pfffft

HOME.

Domestic vampires!!!! WW is too cowardly to give us domestic vamps, but I’m not babey!

Who does the washing?

Audrey, since Nines probably doesn’t even know how to work a washing machine.

Who takes out the trash?

He would do this as a trade off.

Who does the ironing?

Either of them, if they needed to iron something, they would just do it. Though Audrey hates ironing.

Who does the cooking?

Neither, since they can’t eat. But Audrey handles making sure they have a supply of blood bags as needed.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

Back when she was human, Audrey was terrible at cooking.

Who is messier?

Nines. He’d be more likely to leave something sitting out because he “needs it later.”

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

Miraculously, they both usually manage not to do this.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

Audrey would be the one to lose her keys, and they’d probably be right in front of her.

Who answers the telephone?

They only have cellphones, but if they had a home phone neither would answer it lol. Audrey is more likely to answer her cellphone, but only if she knows who it is.

Who mows the lawn?

They live in an apartment, so no lawn to mow!

Who does the vacuuming?

Now that’s a funny picture. They both would put it off until it absolutely couldn’t wait any longer. Then Audrey would suggest they flip a coin or something similar for it.

Who does the groceries?

Audrey would shop for necessities on her own most of the time, but would drag him along at every available opportunity. She likes doing human things, and all the better if she’s doing them with him :(

Who takes the longest to shower?

Audrey. 

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?

Audrey, for sure. Always gotta make sure she looks cute even if she’s about to go into the sewers :/

MISCELLANEOUS.

Is money a problem?

They certainly aren’t rolling in it, but I think they’d have enough for what they needed. And they are both happy with that.

How many cars do they own?

He has his motorcycle, Audrey has some sort of transportation eventually, since she gets tired of taking a cab. Maybe a small car, but she only uses it for longer distances.

What’s their song?

Currently its Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse

Do they live in the city or in the country?

They live in downtown Los Angeles.

Do they own their home or do they rent?

They rent (?) that apartment, I assume. Boy, now this is going to bother me not knowing ajsklsks

(me trying to figure out these vampires’ finances is like that meme of charlie from iasi/p at this point)

Do they enjoy their surroundings?

As much as someone can enjoy living in LA. But really they do love it, for all its faults. LA is home.

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

For Nines, whatever anarch business he needs to attend to. For Audrey, her own anarch duties, shopping, and checking in on other anarchs like Isaac.

Where did they first meet?

Technically the night in the Nocturne Theatre downtown when Audrey was supposed to be executed alongside her sire. First time face to face was after Nines saved her from the Sabbat.

Who spends the most money when out shopping?

Audrey.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?

Audrey, but its usually something like a new sword or something silly like a cat shirt or a mood ring. Nines isn’t the type show off anything, but he wouldn’t mind if someone happened to admire his motorcycle.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

Both are pretty stable on their feet, but neither would find it funny per say. It would just be like, “you alright?”

Who’s terrified of bugs?

Audrey is not a fan, but doesn’t like killing them. Nines tries to point out to her that you know, she’s a vampire and its just a little bug, but she won’t have any part of it.

Who kills the spiders around the house?

Audrey convinces a slightly exasperated Nines to take spiders outside. 

Do they have any fears for their future?

Both of them have similar fears. Namely, that they will not be able to defend LA if someone tries to take it from the anarchs again. That’s always a very real fear. Also, they both fear losing each other, because they know that’s a possibility with the life they lead.

Their favorite place?

The (werewolf-free) overlook they go to for some peace and quiet, as well as the roof of the Last Round.

Who pays the bills?

Audrey would handle it.

Who’s the tallest?

Nines (I headcanon him at like 5′10 ish maybe???, Audrey is 5′5)

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

Audrey. She never gets any complaints.

Who wanders around in their underwear?

Both would.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

Audrey.

What do they tease each other about?

Audrey definitely teases him about his age and his cool guy routine from when they first interacted. He teases her about her aim.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

She doesn’t cringe, but does try and get him to change up his fashion sense. He still dresses like its 1949 for goodness’ sake. He doesn’t even question the sometimes wacky things she wears anymore. He’s just used to it by now.

Who crushed first?

Probably Audrey, but not for too much longer. They didn’t start crushing for real until after the events of the game.

Any alcohol or substance related problems?

No.

Who swears the most?

Nines. Audrey doesn't swear that much, but when she does, you know she means business.

if anyone read all of this rambling I am so sorry askskjajskal but you have all of my <3<3<3s forever 

[stusbunker]

WW - S06 E04 Weekend At Bobby's 😘

(Weird Wednesdays are brought to by bastardizing the wiki)

One year ago and shortly after trapping Lucifer and Michael in Lucifer's Cage, Bobby summons Crowley and demands the return of his soul. Crowley refuses and smugly quotes his contract, which states that he only has to "make best efforts" to give Bobby his soul back. He agrees to give Bobby ten years of life, but that is all. Bobby then reveals he has trapped Crowley in a devil's trap made with black light paint, but Crowley threatens him with his hellhound until Bobby releases him.

Bobby’s junkyard dog, Rumsfeld, who everyone forgot about, perks up at the sound of a new friend and Crowley relents and summons Juliet for a playdate. The dogs run the perimeter of the salvage yard and the owner’s discuss training and stories of when they were pups. Bobby brings out some glasses and Crowley falls for the holy water in his scotch. Eventually, they laugh it off.

In the present day, Sam and Dean are in Wisconsin (namely Kenosha, where my husband was born) on the trail of a monster that cracks open the bodies of its victims. It leaves a large black claw in the chest cavity of the latest victim, and they call Bobby for help. Even though Bobby says that he's busy. And Sam always has wifi. Bobby steps up and spends hours researching, going so far as to break into a University library to find a book that he needs. I mean, they’re his kids, who else would he go to jail for?

And we wonder why he was the one with all the drunk and disorderlies...

It's early morning the next day when he calls Dean to tell him that they're hunting a lamia. Usually only in Greece, a lamia "juices hearts and chugs the blood." Which Sam quickly jots down, because that could be the next step in his smoothie fixation. Bobby tells them it can be killed by a silver knife blessed by a priest. What kind of priest? Who knows, who cares. Probably an acolyte of Apollo or some shit. But, they can do their own research now, moochers.

After he's off the phone, Bobby goes down to his basement, where he has a crossroads demon tied up and caught in a devil's trap. He wants to know Crowley's true name - the name he had as a human before he died and became a demon in Hell - so he tortures the demon by using a blowtorch to singe its bones. Finally, she admits that Crowley, who is now the King of Hell, was a Scottish man named Fergus MacLeod in life. The other demons call him "Lucky the Leprechaun" behind his back.

Which just goes to prove that demons are stupid and unofficially most Scots and Irish end up in heaven, because there is no way it was that funny of a joke.

Once Bobby has the information he needs, he burns the demon's bones, killing it and its host. And no one is really surprised, we are only allowed to worry about vessels when it’s a recurring character.

After killing the demon, Bobby answers phones and backs up other hunters posing as various law enforcement officials until Rufus knocks on his door. Rufus has the police on his tail and needs Bobby's help burying the body of a Snorlax, a monster usually only seen in Japan. They bury the body on Bobby's property and Rufus leaves just before Sheriff Jody Mills shows up with an FBI agent, Agent Adams. Agent Adams is looking for Rufus.

And as exhausting as this episode is, it just shows what Bobby Singer’s life really is like. It wasn’t a single week of annoyance, it was always like that. He’s a goddamn saint in a cantankerous facade. Bobby is a fucking hero.

Dean calls while the FBI agent is there and asks for help killing the lamia because they couldn't kill it with a silver knife blessed by a priest. Bobby tells him to find salt and rosemary and "blend the herbs, saute over a high heat, and cook well," and hangs up when Dean finishes his audition for Cutthroat Kitchen and flambes the lamia. Agent Adams is persistent, and Sheriff Jody Mills tries to distract him, but Adams finds the spot where the Snorlax was buried. Fortunately, there is no longer any evidence of a crime because the damn thing is gone. Unfortunately, Rufus didn't stab it enough times to kill it, and it has been feeding on single white gamers while they sleep.

Rufus and Bobby deserved a fucking spin off for this episode alone. Jesus these two were perfect.

While Bobby was interrogating the crossroads demon, Marcy Ward rang his doorbell with a homemade peach cobbler. She has been his neighbor for six months now, and seems to be interested in him romantically, asking him over for dinner and a movie and then, when he seemed hesitant, asking him to come over and take a look at her wood chipper, which has broken down. When he learns that the Snorlax might be after her, he breaks down her door with a shotgun, scaring her, but drawing out the Snorlax, which had been waiting in her bedroom to kill her. Her playstation still paused to the final boss.

When the Snorlax is killed in Marcy's (obviously functioning) wood chipper, she is covered in blood. Bobby still tries to salvage a relationship with her, but she turns him down. He never was as cavalier as he wanted to be and victims are rarely as grateful as they are in fanfic.

Rufus thanks Bobby for helping him with the pokemon, and tells him what his contacts in Scotland have learned about Fergus MacLeod, aka Crowley. Crowley had a son named Gavin MacLeod, whose signet ring is now on display in a maritime museum in Andover, Massachusetts. Rufus is already there willing to steal the ring for Bobby. Because, that’s what friends do. And no matter how annoying or argumentative they are, both of those ornery bastards listen when the other is talking or dealing with their own problems.

Dean calls to talk about Sam and how he's changed in the past year, Dean can’t stand his new manscaping regimen especially, but when Bobby puts Dean on hold to talk to Rufus (who is fleeing law enforcement after stealing the ring), Dean accuses him of being selfish.

I have seen people go off on Bobby for this rant and I just want you all to know, FUCK OFF. Bobby had every right to say what he did in this episode. We all knew Sam was “WRONG”, Dean should have picked a different way to unload on Bobby about it.

Bobby asks for Sam and he yells at the brothers over speakerphone, calling them "whiny, self-absorbed, sons-of-bitches" that he does everything for without a word of thanks. He reminds them Crowley still has his soul and tells them to "sack up" and help him for once. Sam says all Bobby had to do was ask. While Dean pouts in the corner because he didn’t want to talk TO SAM about SAM. He wanted to gossip.

As a favor to Bobby, Sheriff Mills extradites Rufus and allows him to "escape custody" so that Rufus can deliver the signet ring to Bobby. You just gonna gloss over how he got it to South Dakota safely? Really? That level of dedication is just overlooked these days.

Bobby uses the ring to summon Gavin's ghost, and they "have a chat." He then summons Crowley, who arrives and discovers he is trapped in another devil's trap. Which, why isn’t he always at this point? Summon him constantly gents, it’s like a round of musical Crowley. No? Too much? Eh, what do you know.

Crowley repeats his position that he won't give Bobby his soul, but Bobby counters by revealing his son Gavin's ghost. Fergus, aka Crowley, and Gavin hated each other so Gavin is useless as a bargaining chip, but he gave Bobby all the information he wanted about Crowley, including where his bowling shoes were buried. Which I don’t think Gavin would have known, but that’s just more confusing shit for a later episode where we time travel to find the real Gavin and not just a bitter old spirit.

Bobby hands Crowley the phone so that he can talk to Dean, who tells him that he and Sam are standing over Crowley's comical size sevens in Scotland. Bobby makes Crowley an offer: his beloved shoes in exchange for Bobby's soul, and Crowley agrees. Bobby makes sure that he will still have the use of his legs before releasing him from the devil's trap, with a pat on the ass for good measure.

Crowley appears in Scotland moments later, where Sam and Dean are still standing over his supposed grave. Dean threatens to burn the lucky bowling shoes anyway, but Sam tells him to stand down, saying "a deal's a deal." Crowley picks up his personalized bag and disappears, and Bobby thanks Sam and Dean for flying to Scotland and helping him get his soul back.

Dean was on a plane for 8 hours? Sam must have given him that good shit, because aint no other way that was happening....

[anbaisai]

Finally had time to sit down and write, but honestly there’s not much to be said other than thank you to everyone who wrote a message on my tree! I really enjoyed reading every single message and screenshotting to save them into a folder for when I need a lil boost ww (including one from Mr. Viper himself above that got a laugh out of me, thanks Jamil really appreciate you thinking I’m cool)

Some sappiness under the cut:

I never expected to receive this much support for my silly yume/oc ship content when I began posting, and I really don’t have the words to express how grateful I am. I’ve met many wonderful people through this fandom, and also just had lots of fun in general making art. I mean it when I say I genuinely never had this much motivation and inspiration to create for any fandom (or original content) in the past. There was a long, long period in my life during which trying to find even a crumb of motivation to draw felt impossible. There was always some reason that I couldn’t - be it school/life being too busy, feeling too tired, having other stuff to do first, etc. I thought I’d never rediscover my love and passion for art, until I finally pushed myself to design my Yuu for real (instead of just thinking about it) and then everything just snowballed from there. (For context, I began playing TWST in 2020 and, despite being very much in love with it, only began drawing anything for it this year.)

I have such a massive list of ideas that I still want to draw (plus several asks that I want to answer that I just haven’t had the time to yet), so I’m certainly going to be kept busy for a while. After previously making every excuse possible for not drawing, I’ve learned that yeah, once you really love something you will squeeze time out for it no matter how hard things get, because it kills you not to. All those times when I wondered when I’d ever be able to draw as much as my favourite artists now feel like a distant relic of the past, and I have Twisted Wonderland (especially Jamil) and this community to thank for it. If anyone reading this is going through something similar, I promise it gets better - you will need to put in the effort to make it start, but you will get there.

There’s also my past experiences of being in fandoms that, well, did not welcome yume/self-shipping type content. If I so much as thought of creating any, the fear of being ridiculed would make me back away from the idea immediately. I’m glad to see that sentiment seems to be no longer the norm, but also the TWST fandom has been one of the most supportive of yume content I’ve ever seen. To everyone wanting to participate but has been hesitating, you absolutely should! My only regret is not starting sooner, seriously. In a sense I feel like I'm fulfilling a childhood dream of mine, and all of my past hesitation and anxiety just dissipated once... as cringe as it sounds - once love took over. So go pour your love and passion into that character you adore, they deserve it.

Anyways, wishing everyone a happy holidays and happy new year! Here’s to another year of enjoying TWST and creating for the things we love ❤

[themyskira]

One of the things that’s so irritating to me about G. Willow Wilson’s run is that she’s actually taking the story in directions I really want it to go, picking up on plot threads ignored since the end of Rucka’s run, bringing back the mythology and resolving (finally!) Diana’s inability to return home with a development that enables the Amazons and Themyscira to be a recurring part of Wondy’s ongoing story again… and yet somehow she’s doing it in the blandest, most uninteresting way imaginable.

A lot of it isn’t technically bad. She’s not pulling any James Robinsons here. But there’s no emotional punch, no surprise, no heart to it. At the end of the day, she’s just moving pieces around a board.

As an example of this, let’s talk about her writing of Veronica Cale.

Veronica sees love as a weakness. When you open your heart to others, you give them power over you, hanging only to trust and blind hope that they won’t use that power to hurt you, to betray you, to destroy you. When you allow yourself to love, you make yourself vulnerable. You cultivate avenues by which your enemies can attack and manipulate you.

Veronica: Wonder Woman’s been here all of six months and she’s lecturing us about how we need to love one another. That through love we respect each other. That we will appreciate one another and this beautiful, precious world of ours. Adrianna: So it’s naive, maybe, but-- Veronica: It’s not naive, it’s a lie. Love has never solved a problem, Adrianna... all it does is create them.

And this was her mindset before the only two people in the world she’d let into her heart were stolen from her by a pair of sadistic gods seeking to use her to get to Wonder Woman.

Years of tucking an empty-faced, inanimate child into bed each night while her daughter’s soul screamed from the prison of the fear-gods’ gemstone. Years of being forced to scurry at Phobos and Deimos’ bidding as they held Izzy’s life in their hands. It sends her down a very dark road, one that leads ultimately to her ruin and that of everyone around her.

Veronica will not be controlled again, and so she works systematically to control everyone and everything around her. Every person and every resource is a potential tool in her cause, and she’s willing to hurt, kill, torture, manipulate, exploit, curse or destroy anybody if it gets her a single step closer to rescuing her daughter. 

All of this comes to a head at the end of Rucka’s run.  Due in part to Veronica’s own actions, her daughter is lost to her forever. Safe but unable to leave Themyscira, Izzy must remain with the Amazons -- to be raised by the people of the woman Veronica loathes most in the world.

Sick with grief and self-loathing, she lashes out at the only other person who cares - Adrianna, the AI patterned after her lost friend. She rejects that friendship, denies Adrianna’s personhood and dismisses her as a tool, seeding the beginnings of a rift.

She’s attacked by a murderous Cheetah, symbolic in that moment of everything she’s burned and broken and corrupted in her fruitless quest, only to be rescued at the last by none other than Diana.

Which leads to this heartbreaking exchange:

Veronica: We’re never going to be friends. You understand that. Diana: I understand we could have been. I understand that you see weakness in the places where I find strength. And I understand something more. Veronica: Do you? Diana: That you will always be alone, Doctor Cale.

And that’s where we leave her, alone amid the rubble of her life.

As significant as she is to Diana’s Rebirth story, it’s no surprise that the writers who followed Rucka (James Robinson, G. Willow Wilson) wanted to return to her. Unfortunately, neither of them seem to have known quite what to do with her beyond ‘Veronica is rich and powerful and hates Wondy’.

To be fair to them, this would be a challenge for any writer. Rucka created this version of Veronica with a very defined character arc, from the kidnapping of her daughter that begins her descent into villainy, to her tragic ruin which sees her daughter put forever beyond her reach. For ten years her sole motivation has been saving Izzy no matter what the cost, and now that’s gone. What is there left for her? Where does she go from here?

And the easiest answer is, well, she still hates Wonder Woman and blames her for what was done to Izzy, so I guess she’ll just make it her new mission to fuck with Diana by creating new metahuman villains to run rampant or launching a campaign to destroy Wondy’s reputation.

Robinson goes the former route, in the process reducing Veronica to a sadistic mad scientist, throwing monsters at Diana and conducting experiments on her foes simply because she likes hurting them.

“She tried to kill me, did you know that? Came close, too. I swore then that she’d be my property again, if I ever got the chance. So yes. Thank you, Adrianna... let the hunt begin.”

Wilson opts for the latter, and on its face this route has more promise. The celebratory news coverage of Wonder Woman and her (infantile, lecturing, false) mission rankled Veronica even before she became ensnared in Diana’s orbit. Being surrounded by it now, all this fawning over the woman Veronica believes ruined her life? That must burn her. It’s not hard to imagine her launching a covert campaign to show the public the ‘true’ face of Wonder Woman.

The problem here is that such a story has been done, and done very effectively, in Rucka’s first run on Wonder Woman, where he first introduced Veronica Cale. If you want to avoid simply retreading old ground, you’re going to need something more, a new angle.

Wilson has one, but it’s not good.

For context, Wilson’s run begins in Ares’ Themysciran prison, now also home to Grail. In amongst the other weapons littering their cell, Grail idly picks out a sword named Godkiller. Ares (who, apropos of nothing, has decided to stage prison break so that he can live a reformed life as a Noble and Just god of mass slaughter, wtf Willow) demands that Grail use it to kill him.

For reasons that, nearly twenty issues later, still have yet to be satisfactorily explained, Ares dies and is immediately resurrected, resulting in a “cosmic paradox” (?!) that tears Themyscira, Olympus and all their connected realms asunder (?!?!), spitting confused divinities and mythical beings out into the mundane world.

Veronica, observing the appearance of these gods, immediately begins investigating and comes to the bewildering conclusion that Themyscira is gone and therefore Izzy is dead.

This immediately makes no sense. Veronica spent ten years doing everything she could to get Izzy back, in the face of impossible odds. The scientific analysis may be pointing to Themyscira’s collapse, but that’s purely theoretical — and all around her, as gods and monsters materialise from nowhere, Veronica is being presented with evidence that she’s closer to Izzy than ever before. You can’t tell me that this woman, with her single-minded purpose, would give her daughter up for dead before she’d seen a body.

But okay. She thinks Izzy is dead. She’s hurting and she wants Diana to hurt, too. So she decides she’s going to tear apart Diana’s reputation.

By sending the goddess Nemesis to blow up a city street, waiting for Diana to show up and fight her, then storm in with cameras declaring loudly that “Wonder Woman attacked my employee in the course of her job protecting Cale Enterprises from superhuman threats” and then proceeding to file a massive lawsuit against her.

“Let the record show that Wonder Woman attacked my employee in the course of her job protecting Cale Enterprises from superhuman threats. If superheroes want to work, they must do business like everyone else. Register. Pay taxes. Otherwise, it stands to reason that they risk running afoul of the law.”

This is… so far from Veronica’s MO it’s not funny. She’s a meticulous planner, operating from the shadows, never showing her hand before she’s well and ready. Diana was clashing with Veronica’s people for years before she had the slightest idea who they were working for or what they were trying to get from her. She wouldn’t needlessly expose herself to media scrutiny with a stunt like this — not when she could far more effectively demolish Diana’s reputation from a distance with a team of PR operatives, some high-level media and political connections, and an AI ally capable of getting in almost anywhere.

But it turns out Veronica is kind of being controlled by Nemesis, who’s stoking her grudge against Diana (because, in an outrageous bit of mythology fail we don’t even have time to get into, Wilson thinks Nemesis is the goddess of… nemeses), so maybe we can explain away her brash incompetence as her not being in her right mind.

That doesn’t explain why, upon Diana’s breaking the spell, Veronica immediately bursts into tears and starts babbling, “I just want her to be safe— I can’t stop thinking about it— about her being alone and scared and not understanding what was happening—” And sobbing into Diana’s shoulder, she agrees to drop the lawsuit if Diana will search for Izzy.

“I--” [sobbing] “--I just want her to be safe-- I can’t stop thinking about it-- about her being alone and scared and not understanding what was happening--”

Remember, two of the very first things we learned about Veronica: she believes love is a weakness that her enemies will exploit, and she does not fucking trust Wonder Woman. She’s spent a long time cultivating a stony facade to hide her vulnerabilities. She’s not going to let that drop for Diana, not easily. She’s certainly not going to trust to Wonder Woman, the person she blames for Izzy’s loss, the task of recovering her daughter.

But that’s exactly what she does.

So then we get to WW #76. Diana has found Themyscira again, but before she can get caught up with her family, Diana wants to get Izzy back to her own family.

So naturally she LEAVES IZZY ON THE ISLAND and flies off on her own to pick up Veronica and bring her back.

“A reunion that is within my power to grant… yet it means bringing my enemy to the shores of my homeland.”

NO IT DOESN’T YOU ARE MAKING THIS NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED FOR THE SAKE OF MELODRAMA

So Diana drops into Veronica’s house all, ‘hey, I found your daughter, she’s in the place you hate most in the world, so I thought I’d bring you to her rather than make this easy on you’.

And Veronica, rather than saying, ‘if you found her, why didn’t you bring her with you?’ or ‘why should I trust you?’ or ‘what’s the catch?’… drops her gun and dissolves into a weepy emotional puddle. VERONICA.

Veronica: [wiping away tears] You’re s-still my enemy when all this is over. Diana: You’re still my enemy now. Come. No more tears. There’s a young woman anxious to see you.

Where Robinson erased Veronica’s love and desperation to rescue her daughter in favour of a simplistic villainous portrayal, we see Wilson doing the exact reverse -- erasing Veronica’s viciousness in favour of a simplistic portrayal of a forlorn mother who thinks only of her baby.

And again, NONE OF THIS IS NECESSARY, YOU COULD HAVE JUST BROUGHT IZZY HERE.

Bad characterisation and hacky dramatic devices aside, what makes this story thread particularly bad is that it effects a significant change both in Veronica’s individual arc and in Diana’s relationship with Veronica without actually adding anything to either. There’s no conflict, no complication, no trade-off, no character growth. It’s a half-arsed quick fix, removing an obstacle without any effort or repercussions, which is flat-out bad writing.

And what sucks is it didn’t have to be this way.

Consider this: What if, instead of instantly giving up her daughter for dead, Veronica immediately gets to work hunting for a stable path through the cracks in the worlds? And what if this time, rather than her efforts being a threat to Themyscira and the mortal world, they’re the key to Diana finding her way home and saving Themyscira?

In this scenario, Themyscira is not under attack from within (i.e. the civil war resulting from Grail’s overthrow of Hippolyta), but from without. Evil spirits and mythical monsters have been spilling out of the Underworld through the cracks in reality and the Amazons are engaged in a desperate fight to subdue them and stabilise their world before it becomes subsumed into Hades’ realm. (You could do some cool stuff with the topography of the Underworld beginning to bleed into Themyscira - the flaming river Phlegethon slicing through the landscape, the city strangled by poppies and asphodel.)

The path that Veronica locates leads through the Underworld, so instead of a wacky journey through the ~wild world of Hippolyta’s imagination~ we get an awesome katabasis story! One way or another, Diana and Veronica’s paths converge in the Underworld and they end up unwilling allies, relying on one another to fight their way through.

This unlikely team-up also gives us the opportunity to examine the characters’ conflicting worldviews and unresolved issues with each other. Greek mythology is full of daimones, personified concepts (e.g. grief, rage, nightmares), which provides some great opportunities to bring personal insecurities to the surface and make literal characters’ battles with their fears.

So they make it out of the Underworld and into Themyscira. They find their way to the Amazons’ stronghold, where Veronica is finally able to embrace Izzy. It’s an emotional reunion, but one fraught with uncomfortable edges. Veronica’s spent ten years on a very dark road. She’s committed monstrous acts, ruined lives, doomed souls in her quest to get her daughter back. If Izzy knew the woman her mother had become, it would terrify her.

And as the Underworld encroaches, threatening to swallow whole these women who welcomed Izzy in as family, Veronica’s faced with a choice: save herself and her daughter, while breaking Izzy’s heart — or be the hero Izzy still believes her to be and stand with her enemies to save Themyscira.

With Veronica’s help, they triumph. But the new status quo brings new challenges - maybe Themyscira is pulled into the earthly realm. Maybe the walls between dimensions, while stabilised, remain porous, riddled with cracks through which gods and monsters can escape and wreak havoc. And of course, Ares is now loose in the world, unchained, along with Phobos and Deimos, whose actions brought so much misery on Veronica and her loved ones — and who, now that they’re free, have some scores to settle.

And so, while Veronica is able to bring closure to one awful chapter, returning home with her daughter, she emerges with a new resolve: to monitor, control and — if need be — destroy these gods that now lurk in the world. Because she’ll let the worlds burn before she lets them touch a single hair on Izzy’s head ever again.

Godwatch is back online.

But nah, what we get instead is a trite little reunion that ties everything up in a neat bow for Veronica, with no sacrifices required on her part and no consequences for her terrible actions, because it’s easier to portray her simplistically as a bereft mother than to remember that, HEY SHE’S ALSO MURDERED A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE.

[theonyxpath]

According to Eddy Izzard, that’s the literal translation of JFK’s famous quote as he entered Berlin during the cold war. I don’t know if Mighty Matt McElroy or Matthew “The Gentleman Gamer” Dawkins issued a similar proclamation as they entered the city for last weekend’s PAX convention, but there they were anyway.

Now, it’s a Paradox Entertainment convention so it was really focused mostly on their electronic games – but Onyx Path was there representing the happy land of Tabletop Role-Playing Games. And from what the dynamic duo reported back, it was a fantastic chance to talk with all sorts of gamers – many of whom were unfamiliar with Onyx Path and/or TTRPGs.

What was really gratifying for our team was just how positive and friendly the attendees were. You never know, going to a new city or country for a con, just how the reception will be. Well, from what they said, it was fantastic! They were able to talk about our upcoming games, both V5 and upcoming White Wolf projects, and also there was a lot of interest in our other, non-WW game lines!

For those folks who did know about us, we had some sneak previews of upcoming V5 projects – some from the V5 Chicago By Night KS, and also the text from V5 Cults of the Blood Gods. So, a lot of excitement there! There was also a lot of interest from the Paradox/White Wolf team for us to run a Kickstarter for V5 Cults of the Blood Gods. Which is always nice to hear from the folks who are licensing you their properties!

In case it sounds like our crew were just there to hang out in our booth and chat, they also had the responsibility of representing Onyx Path in many meetings where the future of V5 and all the WW IPs was discussed. Again, this was an extremely positive experience for our duo, with just tons of ideas and possible projects coming out of those discussions!

Of course, being business meetings, there wasn’t anything I can share with you here, but I can say that the refocusing of White Wolf last year has seemed to have really altered how they are proceeding, and has borne fruit in a lot of new licensed projects folks are going to enjoy.

Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition art by Brian LeBlanc

To switch gears slightly, but not totally as I did mention Kickstarters up above, we finished up the Deviant: The Renegades Kickstarter last week! Again, huge kudos to Eric Zawadzki for his nigh-constant efforts to answer everybody’s questions in the comments as the KS ran. He was indefatigable!

We’re pretty happy with how it turned out, and big thanks to all of your who backed and spread the word about this one! We hoped that running the Creature Collection at the same time wouldn’t collide our audiences too much, and it looks like both KSs ran just fine and without overwhelming potential backers.

We’re going to try to avoid running two KSs of similar size and that might have too large of an overlap of audiences, but we have so many cool projects and settings that folks want to see Kickstarted that they’ve been backing up until now. Now, we’re going to try and use our two KS accounts to give both us and all of you the flexibility to put a project on Kickstarter as we need to and when it makes sense to.

We have, as many folks have pointed our previously, an embarrassment of riches when it comes to our projects, which really starts with the large number of game lines we are always working on.

VtR 2e Spilled Blood art by Andrea Payne

Of course, that goes all the way back to when Onyx Path first started with the WW licenses. We didn’t just get the licenses to one of the WoD lines or CofD lines, we took on the responsibility of shepherding all the existing lines and on bringing forth new ones if that what was needed.

Plus, we brought over other WW game lines, and one of those (cough, Trinity Continuum, cough) had multiple lines within it as well. We took, and still take, those responsibilities seriously as we know that every line has dedicated, long-term, fans that truly love it.

It is a real juggling act, and we’ve tried to provide every game line, every setting, with a new project and the spotlight at least once, regardless of the number of fans, over these past 7-8 years. And the flip side is that we are actually a business, we need projects that sell more than what it cost to make them – if only so everybody we work with keeps being able to afford to keep on making TTRPGs.

So those projects that sell well get follow-up projects, and those are usually within a single line, and so that line gets more focus. Which is one of reasons I’ve pushed for cross-line projects like the Night Horrors books, the Dark Eras books, or even the Contagion Chronicle, for Chronicles of Darkness (our biggest umbrella line).

Helnau’s Guide to Wasteland Beasties art by Michele Giorgi

Which is why our brochure this year, which is days away from going to press, is set up to talk about each setting, each game line, rather than trying to push for particular projects within the lines. We’ll do that with con-specific flyers at the conventions we’re attending, and news on all our social media sites, but we’re going to have the brochure there as a primer on just which game lines we’re doing right now.

We think that we’re at the point where we need that info out there where folks can reference it and compare and contrast our:

Many Worlds, One Path!

BLURBS!

Kickstarter!

Coming soon!: Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition!

Onyx Path Media!

This Friday’s Onyx Pathcast features a deep dive into our new game Legendlore with developer Steffie de Vaan, Dixie, and Matthew! Come find out about this very different fantasy RPG!

As Matthew has only just got back from a rather hazard-strewn trip from Berlin, our media update for this week is brief but punchy! So there’s only the events Matthew’s poor addled brain could pull together this week – but we’ll be back with our usual full run-down next week!

Character Creation Month continues this weekend as Meghan Fitzgerald takes us through character creation for Scion, over on the Onyx Path Twitch channel!

Plus, we again have a full week’s worth of fantastic gaming, so if you’re unsure about how any of our games run, please check out footage on the channel and interact with the people playing!

I’m going to link both here in case you’re not following / subscribed to them. www.twitch.tv/theonyxpath & www/youtube.com/user/theonyxpath

It really helps us to have subscribers on our Twitch channel, and you can do so for free and catch premieres as they go up if you have an Amazon Prime account. Just type Twitch Amazon Prime into Google and you’ll be shown how to subscribe for free.

Remember, if you miss any content on our Twitch channel, some of it finds its way to our YouTube channel here: www.youtube.com/user/theonyxpath Don’t forget though, that some of that content is Twitch exclusive or belongs to the Storytellers running their games, so don’t miss out and remember to follow us!

Meanwhile, our fans keep creating excellent content for us, not limited to:

Occultists Anonymous continues with their fantastic Mage: The Awakening game:

Episode 53: Everyone Dies With safe passage into Tucume promised by the local Qero Shaman, the cabal prepares with spells and Songbird makes a deal with Supernal Being. https://youtu.be/52hYTlw8RpE

Drop Matthew a message via the contact button on matthewdawkins.com if you have actual plays, reviews, or game overviews you want us to profile on the blog!

Please check any of these out and let us know if you find or produce any actual plays of our games!

Electronic Gaming!

As we find ways to enable our community to more easily play our games, the Onyx Dice Rolling App is live! Our dev team has been doing updates since we launched based on the excellent use-case comments by our community, and this thing is awesome! (Seriously, you need to roll 100 dice for Exalted? This app has you covered.)

On Amazon and Barnes & Noble!

You can now read our fiction from the comfort and convenience of your Kindle (from Amazon) and Nook (from Barnes & Noble).

If you enjoy these or any other of our books, please help us by writing reviews on the site of the sales venue from which you bought it. Reviews really, really help us get folks interested in our amazing fiction!

Our selection includes these latest fiction books:

Our Sales Partners!

We’re working with Studio2 to get Pugmire and Monarchies of Mau out into stores, as well as to individuals through their online store. You can pick up the traditionally printed main book, the screen, and the official Pugmire dice through our friends there! https://studio2publishing.com/search?q=pugmire

We’ve added Prince’s Gambit to our Studio2 catalog: https://studio2publishing.com/products/prince-s-gambit-card-game

Now, we’ve added Changeling: The Lost 2nd Edition products to Studio2‘s store! See them here: https://studio2publishing.com/collections/all-products/changeling-the-lost

Scarred Lands (Pathfinder) books are also on sale at Studio2, and they have the 5e version, supplements, and dice as well!: https://studio2publishing.com/collections/scarred-lands

Scion 2e books and other products are available now at Studio2: https://studio2publishing.com/blogs/new-releases/scion-second-edition-book-one-origin-now-available-at-your-local-retailer-or-online

Looking for our Deluxe or Prestige Edition books? Try this link! http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Onyx-Path-Publishing/

And you can order Pugmire, Monarchies of Mau, Cavaliers of Mars, and Changeling: The Lost 2e at the same link! And NOW Scion Origin and Scion Hero are available to order!

As always, you can find most of Onyx Path’s titles at DriveThruRPG.com!

The big Halloween Sale on DriveThruRPG and Storytellers Vault continues until Halloween.

Most of our Chronicles of Darkness PDFs will be on sale on both sites, plus there will be some Halloween Treats (i.e. free PDFs) hidden around the sites.

On Sale This Week!

This Wednesday, you can get a jump on the end of the world with the Dystopia Rising: Evolution Jumpstart: Trouble On The Steel Pier PDF and physical book PoD on DriveThruRPG.com! Everything you need to start playing DR:E – a setting, adventure, and characters – with a basic Storypath rules-set!

Conventions!

GameHoleCon: October 31st – November 3rd PAX Unplugged: December 6th – 8th 2020: Midwinter: January 9th – 12th

And now, the new project status updates!

DEVELOPMENT STATUS FROM EDDY WEBB (projects in bold have changed status since last week):

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep)

Exalted Essay Collection (Exalted)

Exigents (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Many-Faced Strangers – Lunars Companion (Exalted 3rd Edition)

N!ternational Wrestling Entertainment (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Creating in the Realms of Pugmire (Realms of Pugmire)

Contagion Chronicle Ready-Made Characters (Chronicles of Darkness)

Trinity Continuum: Adventure! core (Trinity Continuum: Adventure!)

Redlines

Tales of Aquatic Terror (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Kith and Kin (Changeling: The Lost 2e)

Crucible of Legends (Exalted 3rd Edition)

M20 Victorian Mage (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Dragon-Blooded Novella #2 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Contagion Chronicle Jumpstart (Chronicles of Darkness)

Second Draft

Across the Eight Directions (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Wraith20 Fiction Anthology (Wraith: The Oblivion 20th Anniversary Edition)

Contagion Chronicle: Global Outbreaks (Chronicles of Darkness)

Player’s Guide to the Contagion Chronicle (Chronicles of Darkness)

Development

Heirs to the Shogunate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

City of the Towered Tombs (Cavaliers of Mars)

TC: Aberrant Reference Screen (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Titanomachy (Scion 2nd Edition)

Trinity Continuum Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum Core)

Monsters of the Deep (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

One Foot in the Grave Jumpstart (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2e)

Lunars Novella (Rosenberg) (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Scion: Demigod (Scion 2nd Edition)

Pirates of Pugmire KS-Added Adventure (Realms of Pugmire)

Manuscript Approval

Scion: Dragon (Scion 2nd Edition)

Terra Firma (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Yugman’s Guide to Ghelspad (Scarred Lands)

Masks of the Mythos (Scion 2nd Edition)

Post-Approval Development

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant core (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

Scion LARP Rules (Scion)

M20 The Technocracy Reloaded (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition core rulebook (Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition)

Editing

Lunars: Fangs at the Gate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Hunter: The Vigil 2e core (Hunter: The Vigil 2nd Edition)

Let the Streets Run Red (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Geist 2e Fiction Anthology (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2nd Edition)

Dragon-Blooded Novella #1 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Scion Companion: Mysteries of the World (Scion 2nd Edition)

Cults of the Blood Gods (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Legendlore core book (Legendlore)

WoD Ghost Hunters (World of Darkness)

Mythical Denizens (Creatures of the World Bestiary) (Scion 2nd Edition)

Vigil Watch (Scarred Lands)

Post-Editing Development

Chicago Folio/Dossier (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

TC: Aeon Ready-Made Characters (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Night Horrors: Nameless and Accursed (Mage: the Awakening Second Edition)

City of the Towered Tombs (Cavaliers of Mars)

Oak, Ash, and Thorn: Changeling: The Lost 2nd Companion (Changeling: The Lost 2nd)

W20 Shattered Dreams Gift Cards (Werewolf: The Apocalypse 20th)

TC: Aeon Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Tales of Good Dogs – Pugmire Fiction Anthology (Pugmire)

Indexing

Dystopia Rising: Evolution core (Dystopia Rising: Evolution)

ART DIRECTION FROM MIKE CHANEY!

In Art Direction

Contagion Chronicle – Sent out contracts.

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant

Hunter: The Vigil 2e – Sam on the fulls.

Ex3 Lunars – Contracted.

TCfBtS!: Heroic Land Dwellers

Night Horrors: Nameless and Accursed – Notes out to artists.

Ex3 Monthly Stuff

Trinity RMCs – Sketches in. Got interactive sheets from Gone in.

Cults of the Blood God (KS) – Mark is almost done, Denmark is done, and Amy is done.

Chicago Folio – Got stuff from Denmark and Mirko in… so far so good.

Mummy 2 (KS) – First half of Sam’s fulls are in and at WW for approval. Working on graphics in the morning.

City of the Towered Tombs – Contracted.

Let the Streets Run Red – Right after Chi Folio art is in.

CtL Oak Ash and Thorn – Sent breakdown for artnotes to Meghan.

Scion Mythical Denizens – Andrea is gonna do the portraits… waiting to hear back from Marco.

Deviant – Need art notes for the rest of the book.

Trinity Continuum Aeon Jumpstart – Going through it to see what we need.

In Layout

They Came from Beneath the Sea! – Template created… system chapter done.

Trinity Continuum Aeon: Distant Worlds

VtR Spilled Blood – In progress.

Geist 2e Screen – Need notes from developer, still.

Pirates of Pugmire

Proofing

C20 Cup of Dreams – At WW approval.

M20 Book of the Fallen – Josh finishing cover.

DR:E Threat Guide – Helnau’s Guide to Wasteland Beasties – PDF going out to backers.

Memento Mori – Layout proofing as art comes in.

Dark Eras 2 – In proofing

At Press

Trinity Core Screen – At Studio2 – shipping to backers.

TC Aeon Screen – At Studio2 – shipping to backers.

Trinity: In Media Res – PoD proofs coming.

Trinity Core – At Studio2 – shipping to backers.

Trinity Aeon – At Studio2 – shipping to backers.

V5: Chicago – Printing.

Aeon Aexpansion – Waiting to order PoD proofs.

DR:E Jumpstart – PDF and PoD versions on Sale this Wednesday.

W20 Art Book – PoD proof ordered.

Geist 2e (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2nd Edition) – Getting print files ready.

DRE Screen – Getting print files prepped.

Today’s Reason to Celebrate!

Today is another five year anniversary! This time for Merely Marvelous Meredith’s time working with DriveThruRPG and helping us keep our PDFing and PoDing straight ovuh dere! DTRPG’s Customer Service are the unheralded saviors of many a small game company, and Mere’s ability to find solutions for non-tech people who just want to get their project online with the least amount of hassle – all with a smile in her emails – is a huge part of their success story. Congrats, Mere!

[getting-rid-of-anniex]

An (Un)Healthy Check up

This is me, probably about 6 / 7 years old...?...(looks like I’m busy burying a vampire I’ve just staked?)...what I would give to let that little girl know that she really is enough, and to never let the world get her down so much so that she questions herself.

Fast forward 31 years and I’m now on a quest to try and get back to being as much like that carefree child. The most stressful thing I had to think about then, was whether I would get some sweets at the weekend and if Barbie and Ken would like the salon I’d made for them out of toilet rolls and a load of old boxes.

The unfortunate thing about ‘LIFE’ is that - ‘LIFE HAPPENS’(!) and the person you become is built up of many moments and experiences. In my case, my moments and experiences ended up helping to construct someone lacking confidence and overflowing with anxiety. I started dieting from about the age of 15 (and since then the weight only went up!) Friendships became toxic and I ended up having to build myself a new peer group. I developed a pattern of using food and drink to both celebrate and commiserate. I overindulged on happy days, sad days, sunny days, rainy days; to plaster over a stressful situation, and gee myself up when I needed some dutch courage. My health took a battering, developing asthma, bad knees (at one point the doctor did say I had arthritis...later on rescinding this?!?), IBS and depression. I’ve gone through stages of going totally bonkers with exercise, from running every day, to not at all and just lying on the sofa eating crisps. I tried so many times to follow weight loss programs - if only I’d saved that money instead. After repeatedly falling off the wagon I’d restart another program with so much excitement, only for the hard work to start and the realisation that this wouldn’t be a walk in the park, to hit. I’d throw in the towel and unhappily stuff my face (self sabotage anyone?) My stomach was in a constant mess resulting in time off work (and increased time in the loo!). I tried gluten free, but again after a month or two of symptoms easing and feeling good I’d then decide it wasn’t as bad as originally thought and devour everything in sight, only to go shooting right back to the beginning. As well as feeling like crap because my stomach was in agony, I’d also be mentally berating myself for not being able to stick to anything AGAIN. Why didn’t I have the ability to stick to anything? Especially when all the things I was doing, I was doing in the hope of helping myself?

Appointment no.1

After realising finally just how much I was hurting myself, and how much I was struggling, and after crying on the shoulders of some very amazing friends and family (I really hope you guys know who you are) I decided to see the doctor. To help with my IBS, anxiety and stress (which was a bowlful of Catch-22 IBS related loveliness!!!) I was prescribed anti depressants. Whilst these helped initially, they didn’t touch my inner demons. Self destructive patterns were repeated and the only thing I learnt, was how better to hide things from others.

This must stop!

Back in 2018 my body finally had had enough. After feeling like utter shite for months on end, monitoring over the course of a few weeks how my heart would start racing (just sitting at my desk) and having increasing episodes of hot flushes, I knew I needed to get in contact with the doctor. This time I really wanted to do something...and I was scared. The ball got moving though earlier  than I’d planned.

Sitting at work my heart suddenly started to race. (There were no harsh words/emails, up-coming meetings/reviews, and I hadn’t eaten a heavy or spicy meal, there wasn’t anything in fact that could explain why this was happening). It felt as though I was having a panic attack (although never having had one, I couldn’t say for sure?). Luckily I was able to get an appointment with the doctor (another one) later that same day. I feel forever grateful to have been given an appointment with this particular doctor. For the first time ever I felt listened to, rather than just hurried along with the explanation for everything being the bog (pun intended) standard ‘gluten intolerance’. This went so much deeper. I was booked in for blood tests (and stool samples - yuck!)  to check for any intolerances (also checking for Crohn’s and Celiac disease)/vitamin deficiencies, given leaflets on the FODMAP diet (although I do feel like this isn’t the full answer for my stomach issues, it definitely helped to fully monitor what foods were triggering my IBS symptoms). We also had a bloody good talk. I didn’t feel like I was just another foot through the door and that the clock was being watched; I really could have hugged my Doc. I left feeling so positive (for most probably the first time in years). Even if we couldn’t rule everything out straight away (there would be a lot of trial and error in the up-coming months), it felt as though someone was on my side and wanted to help. Someone had finally just sat and listened (I’m not including friends and family in that comment - believe me, they definitely have done more than their share of hand holding and listening. This just meant so much, having someone from the health profession listen rather than assume.)

Blood test results

Well the results came in: B12 deficient and lacking folic acid. (I did have to have a further round of blood tests to rule out Pernicious Anemia, but this came back negative.) I also had to provide a ‘sample’, but the only embarrassing part about this was the idiot monkey behind the reception desk deciding that she needed to shout out across the waiting room that my little tube contained pooh (ground please swallow me up!!!)

Diet

B12 and folic acid were tackled with supplement vitamins and a controlled diet (at the time I was going through the FODMAP diet - which was so hard to navigate. So in the mean time I’ve knocked that on the head, but have tried to limit certain foods and just be more mindful about what I am putting into my body - for example I don’t eat apples as they really don’t like my stomach, I have to be careful how much beetroot/coffee/chickpeas, nuts and chocolate I have and I do try to limit bread/pasta. I was put on a list to speak to a dietician....I’m still waiting to see them!)

I have also rejoined WW online (but if being truthful, I’m still struggling with this. It’s still that bit too easy for me to not track all foods). It’s definitely a work in progress. The recipes are fantastic - I just need to be more honest with it if it’s going to work. One positive with this app though is that it has helped learning to track my weight only once a week (I used to have a day ritual of weighing myself).

I’ve cut right back on alcohol (to be another post soon, as this is a whole other story in itself). I’m already feeling the benefits, and some of them in unexpected ways - my skin has never felt/looked clearer (and from someone who is obsessed with studying the wrinkles on her forehead, this has been a fantastic bonus).

Fitness

I’ve downloaded some fitness apps to try and increase the amount of exercise I do (sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day does not help with general fitness!)

ZR5K: I’m currently doing a 5K training app (learning to run whilst escaping from Zombies - I’ve not used this app when it’s dark, I think it would unnerve me too much).

Race at your pace*: I’ve signed up for ‘Race at your pace’ (it was only £10 (medal only option)...and I get a medal at the end - as long as I complete my target of 25 miles run through out January). This has been a real motivator - I love the idea of getting a medal at the end of the month. This has also been mega easy to implement - I just track at the same time as escaping Zombies! *£10 for a medal - more if you want a Race at your pace top. **mile target is set by yourself and you can complete it by either running/walking or swimming for that particular month. MapMyRun: I currently use this as well, to track where I’m going and how long it’s taking me. It’s been a brilliant tool for monitoring average pace, and I’m hoping as the months role by to see this improving. Yoga: I’m also starting to implement some yoga into my daily routine too. I find that as well as it helping to stretch and loosen my muscles after a run (very slow shuffle), it also helps me to unwind and switch off.

Mindfulness

Breathe: I have downloaded a relaxation and meditation app. As with all the apps I’m currently using, I’ve gone for the free option so with this particular one, I don’t get the longer/more specific meditations, but there are still a great range to select from. They have been really helpful unwinding before bed. I just need to get into a better routine of using this daily.

Supportive networks

The hubby, friends and family have all been invaluable to me getting to where I am now. My husband is an amazing man (also a pain in the arse, but hey - I’ll forgive him that) and I absolutely cherish all he does in order to help me on my journey to being a better, happier human being! I cannot stress enough, how you need people around you who (may not have the answers but) will listen - without judgement. I feel so incredibly lucky to have the people around me who I know I can talk to, cry on and ask opinions of. I’ve been incredibly honest with my boss. Luckily he is someone who I know I can talk to and he’s been very understanding. After worrying about time off work due to sickness (stress/IBS/depression issues etc) I opened up completely about everything - food, health (mental and physical)....and I’ve even asked if I can set my health goals as part of my personal development target at work. (Being proactive about helping myself can surely only have a positive impact on my work/life balance. A happier/healthier worker will have a better attitude at work and (I’m hoping) a more productive output???)

Other ‘things’

I’ve also tried to absorb anything and everything that is supportive, positive that will help shore up my personal goals on my journey to self improvement.

I’ve downloaded healthy living podcasts, listened to audio books on being alcohol free and been reading ‘self help’ books - such as ‘The Happiness Equation’.

So this is me - minus the fringe and wondering if I should have curled my hair (see, I’m still a stress head). I’m not 100% healthy or happy but I’m trying my hardest to get there. I’ve got a lot of things to figure out but this time I’m willing to try. I may not be a little six year old happily sitting on the beach, but I’m determined to approach life with that same open and curious mindset...and vampires beware, I’ll still stake and bury you, no questions asked if you try to bite!

______________________________________

That’s all for now folks.

Along the way Annie X came on the scene. I’ll explain my relationship with her in the next ‘session’.

Thanks, be kind to each other and I’ll see you next time R (and Annie X) x

[abbythetankswife]

Strong, Independent Female characters which I admire

Today I was asked to choose fictional people in pop culture I admire, why I admire them and how they would represent society (not verbatim) I gave about 6 females which I admire. I was then asked to narrow it down to just three. My list, which comprised of:

Wonder Woman

Captain Marvel

Lara Croft

Black Widow

Holtzmann

Hermione Granger

Luna Lovegood

I chose these because I like smart, independent types. The ones that are intelligent, independent, might be strong, not just mentally, but physically as well, who is seen as equal, sometimes better (like Lara Croft) than their male counterparts, who don't take any shit, who fight for what they believe in, (like Wonder Woman, Captain Marvel, Black Widow) who don't back down, who are loyal, trustworthy, reliable, friendly, professional (like Morgan and Aubrey; The Spy Who Dumped Me) and don't have to have a relationship to be successful... Who are successful on their own merits - their own achievements, their own standings, who fight hard and prove people wrong (like The Ghostbusters) time and time again.

Those superheroes (with superpowers or not) are what appeals to me; not just their looks (bonus) but their intelligence and their outstanding behaviour and the way they throw stereotypes to the ground and fight for rights and adversity.

So I narrowed it down and was presented with 4 questions, which I've tried my best to answer. It has been a while since I saw the films the first two are from, so this is from memory... Also, these opinions are my own and may or may not include canons; if they don't, please don't come at me because "you're wrong, that's not true" this is my interpretation of the characters.

The questions, as previously mentioned, which I needed to answer:

1. Define who they are. What makes them the person they are? What are their motivations?

2. If they were real, what need would they fulfill in society? How would they really benefit mankind?

3. What groups do they represent in real society (autism, LGBT, women...etc)?

4. What real life lessons can people learn from them? How can real people emulate those fictional characters to benefit society?

I have chosen three women to focus on for being strong role models and I am drawn to these three women.

Wonder Woman, also known as Dianna, is a lovely goddess from the planet Themyscira. There are no men on the planet, which means that they have to learn to be strong because women need to be strong.

WW is determined to be a good example by helping others who need it the most. She is determined to save people and do it without the help of anyone - including men (Steve Trevor in particular)

She is motivated because she is a princess and wants to prove she is fit for the role, and not just by birth default. I would say that WW is bisexual, as she lives on a planet with only women, but when she meets Steve, she experiences that side of herself. She is also a Hufflepuff, because she is caring to all and wants the best for everyone.

In real life, she would fulfil the role of peacekeeper and provide others with the ability to fight against wars and inequality and bad behaviour. She'd stop the war and get Trump out of office, and fix Brexit.

WW can teach people the need to stand up for themselves - women need to trust in their own abilities and fight for equal right, equal pay and everyone should fight for peace.

Hermione Granger is a Muggle-born witch who attends Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry. She is a Gryffindor because she is loyal and courageous. She is loyal to her best friends Harry and Ron, but she is courageous because she helps them in their adventures, but she remains headstrong. Hermione is also bookish and wonderfully smart.

I would say that Hermione is asexual - she did kiss Harry, but it was a good luck thing, and although she danced with Viktor Krum, she has always been more interested in books than men; she does kiss Ron, but they've known each other for so long, they're more like siblings, so that kissed was forced and only given as a celebration of life over death.

Hermione, is very much High Functioning Autistic; she doesn't have sensory difficulties, as far as I can tell, but she does have other traits, such as the need to be right and social difficulties, she seems not to fit in with others, except for Harry and Ron; even being called a 'Mudblood' for being a Muggle-born and I think she has been called annoying in the books, just cos she's different. She is buried in her books and can rattle off information like nobody's business. The fact that she considers expulsion worse than death, means that she is obsessed with trying to do right and has to know everything - she has a Time Turner to attend multiple classes, meaning that she is a polymath. She struggles in social situations (but always tries) She only breaks the rules in her 5th year and explains that it feels good... Same as punching Draco because she had had enough of his belittlment, but she doesn't like hurting others.

In real life, Hermione would be a Humanitarian and she would learn everything there is to know about it to ensure that she does the best she can to help others understand what a Humanitarian is and how she can help others with things like equality and human rights.

People can use their knowledge for good and Hermione shows that being intelligent pays off, but there must be some give and take because otherwise you might become so wrapped up in your own head, that you don't have time for others. Loyalty is a huge factor in life and it pays to be trustworthy too.

And finally, I come to a character which I relate the most with - but that's not the only reason I chose her. I chose Jillian Holtzmann for a number of reasons.

I chose Holtzmann because she is intelligent and is fascinated in science things. She doesn't care that she's the odd one out, she revels in the fact. She only has three close friends, but better to have 3 close friends than 33 acquaintances. She doesn't get all social situations, but she tries to be in the conversation... Accidentally, she is sometimes the centre of attention, and yet, despite this, she knows when she needs to be quiet. She praised the girls when trapping the ghost, insofar as to tell Patty she needs to try harder, but she wants them all to do well, and she is so happy with the fact that they caught their first ghost, that she loudly announced "We put a ghost in a boooooox!" which indicates that she is entertained by the smallest of things.

Patty saved her life 3 times and she was grateful, but I know, if Erin was in the portal, she'd be in their saving her, a heartbeat; after all, that's her crush.

She's the mad scientist type - eccentric, wild, uncontrollable like a wildfire, but once she's found something of interest she hyperfocuses and gets the job done. She needs her friends for support but she doesn't need a relationship and almost mocks Erin for flirting with Kevin, comparing him to "a big ol' robot"

We know a lot more about Holtzy's sexuality and ability - she is a lesbian High Functioning Autistic with ADHD; those traits tend to go hand-in-hand. However, it appears that, despite Holtzy's high level of independence, and functioning in the real world, with little to no help, there are some sensory issues which she faces, which could adversely affect her abilities and processing skills.

We'll start with the most obvious one: the glasses. She has 4 pairs of yellow-coloured eye wear. She has her bottle-cap glasses, which are 1920s welding goggles, then she has more protective rounded welding goggles, circa 80s, and she has the big, almost pilot, almost Steampunk goggles, with loupes (double magnifying glasses) and these are the most practical of the lot. And finally, she has a pair, which are almost sunglasses, which she legit only wears for the Battle of Times Square. She needs them, especially her bottle-caps, for every day wear, due to her light sensitivity. (There is a highly interesting article, here, which explains the Autistic-ness of Holtzmann)

Whenever Patty yells, or Kevin hits the gong, she winds her neck in and pulls a face; she doesn't cover her ears like a neurotypical would, but it is evident that it is too loud. And in the Aldridge Manor, you can see the pain on her face from the APx-H shift.

Her impassioned speech, whilst heartfelt, contained physics metaphors - something which makes more sense to her, and it was very much without eye contact; something which can be uncomfortable for us Autistics, it doesn't mean we're not listening! She also seems to wear only comfy, almost loose-fitting clothing to allow for movement and comfort, with no scratchy labels. She chews her straw, sits with her feet up, or on the edge of her seat, spins on her stool and licks her guns; self-stimulatory behaviour.

Holtzmann, in real life, would obviously be a Nuclear Engineer, but we'd have to keep an eye on her so that she doesn't do any dodgy dealings and inadvertently get lead astray and into making weapons for the wrong side... Either that, or she'd go back to teaching Physics at a University.

Holtzmann is a mix of all 4 Hogwarts Houses, but the main 2 traits she has stem from Hufflepuff (her creativity and hyperfocus) and Ravenclaw (her intelligence - IQ of 163 - her multiple degrees and PhD and the fact that she is also a polymath, like Hermione - I think they'd be very good friends!)

Holtzmann would teach us about humility, courage, perseverance and finding the best of a situation and of course, the joy in the little things.

All 3 of these share similar thoughts and attributes - they're all loyal, friendly and work hard to achieve what they want. They don't need romantic relationships to survive and in fact, due to their independent nature, they would probably do better without them. They would teach others to be independent and to follow their heart, not comprising their own sense of justice or understanding of the world to conform to others. They would teach about human rights, actively focusing on diversity and equality; making sure that, as women, we don't strive for second best and that we work towards a better future, by providing opportunities and tools for the younger generation; in particular, females. All three, therefore, are excellent role models and are all unique, but also highly similar in the way they think and present themselves.

I hope this makes sense, answers the questions enough (I know they won't be answered fully as my brain capacity is limited today; infoxication and all that - and yes 'infoxication' is a real word... Click it to discover what it means!)

And I hope there are others, who may have similar thoughts to myself; I know I can't please everyone, but even if you disagree, I hope you like my writing style... Apparently, it's rather eloquent!

Also, I am sorry for the length of this post, and that, in actual fact, it is my only text post, which isn't just and agreement on someone else's post which I have reblogged.

I suppose tags would be helpful too.

#wonderwoman #strongwomen #independentwomen #fiction #jillianholtzmann #hermionegranger #charactersiadmire #marvel #dc #harrypotter #ghostbusters #thespywhodumpedme #laracroft

[thelawyerthatwaspromised]

The lawyer that was promised : that post of yours where you argue that Jon's "using" Daenerys to get her North was really good. I hated reading it because I'm Jonaerys all the way, but it was really well thought and I had to ponder for a while before I could answer. Still, I came up with a few things: I wouldn't say Dany is being "evil" in that cave. I think she "believe' Jon in the sense that she believe there's "something" North of the Wall; she just doesn't really get how serious it is. Not

@tatticstudio55 I’ll paste the rest of your ask here because it’s really very reasonable and warrants a response:

The lawyer that was promised : that post of yours where you argue that Jon’s “using” Daenerys to get her North was really good. I hated reading it because I’m Jonaerys all the way, but it was really well thought and I had to ponder for a while before I could answer. Still, I came up with a few things:

I wouldn’t say Dany is being “evil” in that cave. I think she “believe’ Jon in the sense that she believe there’s “something” North of the Wall; she just doesn’t really get how serious it is. Not to mention there’s still a wall between them and the WW (at that point, at least). As she say to him herself in ep 6, “If we hadn’t gone I wouldn’t have seen it. You have to see it to know”. There’s believing, and then there’s knowing. So, evil? I don’t know. I’d say “naive”. If Dany truly understood the threat, she’d be willing to fight in the North with or without Jon’s allegiance; or else, as Jon puts it, she’d be left with a graveyard to rule. It’s a lot easier for Cersei to wash her hands of the WW matter : she’s (likely) right when saying that if dragons and 3 armies can’t beat the Night King, it’s not her contribution that will tip the scale.

Now about Jon : as you said, he’s a smart fellow. He certainly understand that if Dany really wants the North, she’ll take it with or without him bending the knee. In the first episode of season 7, he can afford to ignore Cersei’s warning because the North might still stand a chance against her. But the North wouldn’t stand a chance against dragons, and neither does Cersei, which means that, as far as Jon knows, he’ll eventually be “asked” to bend the knee to Daenerys Targaryen one way or another. Essentially, Jon’s taking advantage of the fact that Dany won’t downright burn him alive for not kneeling to her, to try shoving into her head that the WW threat is real and urgent. I think it was you who pointed that, had he knelt right away, he’d be forced to enter Dany’s war against Cersei when there’s clearly no time for that - excellent point. My guess is, Jon probably accepted the fact that he’ll have to kneel to Dany one day; he’s just buying time and waiting (hoping) for her to switch her priorities before, so that the northerners, as you pointed out, won’t be dragged into a war that’s basically a waste of very precious time and resources. In his mind, bargaining for the North’s independence is out of the table. And that might explain his “sight’ at the end of ep 6, after Dany left his bedside. "What about those who swore allegiance to you” basically means Dany WAS considering giving the North his independence. Hearing her say that, Jon was probably like “shit, if only I had knew”. He kept it a secret from Davos, but then again, Dany kept it a secret from Tyrion, too, so I’m not sure what to make of that.

About the excursion North of the Wall : one thing people seem to forget is that Dany’s not the only one who has to be concerned with Cersei. I can see only one reason why the Lannister wouldn’t attack the North in season 7, and that is, they already have their hands full with Dany. Get Dany out of the picture and the North is in big shit. So the armistice Dany wants so much could definitely benefit Jon as well - more than Dany, actually, since Dany, if really necessary, could wipe out Cersei’s threat much quicker and easier than Jon. You said Jon had no reason to trust Cersei, but consider that he had MUCH less interaction (direct or otherwise) with her than with his other siblings. (Sansa points that out to him in the first episode) : he spend most of his time dealing with problems at the wall, north of the wall, or with the Bolton, not with Cersei’s sh**t.  Dany might want an armistice more, but the one who needs it most right now is Jon, not her. While Dany might be involuntarily “shielding” the North from Cersei at the moment, Westeros isn’t a straight line and the Lannister could find a way to invade the North while the northerners are busy dealing with the WW. On top of that, someone already pointed out that Jon wasn’t only bringing the wight to Cersei, he was bringing it to Kingslanding : just because Cersei is a whacko doesn’t mean everyone in KL is. If Jaime can abandon Cersei, anyone can.  So to say that the expedition North of the Wall was solely to get Dany North is a bit extreme, in my opinion. Although I agree that the Dany factor was definitely part of it.

Lastly, just a few things you said:

Ep 3 : “you better get to work, Jon Snow.” I don’t think Dany was “rushing” Jon to work, it was more about avoiding a question she didn’t know what to answer to.

Ep 7 : Dany didn’t say she wouldn’t go North if Cersei didn’t agree to an armistice. She said Viserion would have died for nothing (which is true). Also, when she’s saying “I can’t forget what I saw North of the Wall. And I can’t pretend that Cersei won’t take back half the country the moment I march North”, she only means that she’s in a no win situation. If anything, it sounds more like she’s saying she’ll go North anyway, while knowing very well that things with Cersei will turn to shit.

True, Jon doesn’t talk much about Dany. Then again, he didn’t talk much about Ygritte either. Nor about Arya or Sansa. Or Bran, or whatever. He doesn’t seem like much of a talker when it comes to things that matter to him on a more personal level.

In conclusion : objectively, Jon doesn’t have any particular reason to “resent” Dany, and bending the knee to her was, in his mind, an inevitability anyway. Brownies points if they’re on good terms.The loot train attack in ep 4 and the dragons vs WW in ep 6 made it clear that the WW represent a much bigger threat to Dany (regarding everything, including her claim to the throne) than the Lannister. Dany knows it, Jon knows it, and I’d say Jon knows that Dany knows it. At this point, an armistice with Cersei would’ve been convenient, but not absolutely necessary for Dany to fight the WW in the North, so all to say… nan, I don’t think Jon’s taking advantage of her affection for him.

You nearly had me convinced, though.

P.S Sorry for the grammar mistakes. English isn’t my first language XD

I am impressed with your comfort with English considering it’s not your first language! 

First, the good news: There’s plenty of time for you to reconsider and come fully onto our side! Haha

Forgive me if I don’t address every single point. I’m throwing this together over a lunch break. Now, onto your ask/response!

[ Dany in the cave being “evil” or “naive” ]

I largely agree with MOST of what you said here. The difference with my post was that the show DID indicate that she believed Jon. Maybe she doesn’t fully understand…but she shows some measure of understanding that there was a huge war with these supernatural ice beings thousands of years ago and now they are back. At the very least - she seems to believe Jon that they exist and clearly knows he has a significant fear of these creatures and she uses that as bargaining leverage. 

The difference between Jon and Dany is pronounced: to be an ally with Jon, he pretty much just requires that you be “living” because his mission is one that transcends traditional politics. To be an ally with Dany, you must swear fealty, even after she displays a partial belief that the world is facing an existential threat. It’s a bad look basically no matter what.

[ The armistice was necessary for Jon; not just for Daenerys ] 

I’ve heard this argument a few times and I simply find that this requires a lot more leaps in logic than my conclusion (that Jon Snow is on the wight hunt to secure the ceasefire strictly for Dany’s benefit). 

The reason I think my conclusion is far more likely is that it’s completely supported by Jon Snow himself. Not once does he bring up trying to secure a ceasefire with Cersei. Multiple times he makes the point that the wars for the Iron Throne don’t matter. 

He says while on the wight hunt that the only way Dany will fight for the North is if he bends the knee…which would seem to indicate that Jon doesn’t find think successfully completing the wight hunt will get Dany to come North. 

You are correct that there might be the indirect benefit of getting Jaime on board but this would point only to basically a lucky side effect because that’s certainly not what Dany had in mind for the ceasefire. 

[ Dany indicated she would go North but just expressed she was in a no-win situation ]

I just can’t get on board with that read of the situation. Essentially, you’re saying she would be going North with Jon without a ceasefire which is exactly the thing that Jon had been asking of her for the entirety of S7. If you believe she’s saying she’ll go North but feels it’s a no-win situation (and think she’s right) then you would also have to believe that she has more wisdom about the situation than Jon, since Jon had asked her multiple times to come North without caring whether there was a ceasefire. 

Further, if Jon sees no value in a ceasefire in the first place (and he’s shown that it’s not on his radar beyond thinking it might help secure Dany’s commitment to go North) because Cersei is completely untrustworthy…it’s hard to argue that Dany was right about any of this because we already know Cersei has betrayed the agreement.

[ Jon doesn’t talk about Dany but he doesn’t really ever talk about anything he cares about ]

It’s certainly true that Jon doesn’t routinely wax poetic but the idea that he never talks about what’s meaningful to him isn’t actually true - he just rarely has much opportunity. Jon’s arc has been almost constantly centered on his having to tirelessly pursue hugely significant objectives. Often while having to also make friends with former enemies and watching former friends turn into enemies.

There just hasn’t been much opportunity for leisurely talk. However, in those rare moments we HAVE gotten a glimpse of what Jon Snow cares about.

Before reuniting with Sansa, he was able to share those things with Sam. He talked about Ygritte (in hilariously unpoetic fashion), he talked about growing up with Robb…basically Sam was his outlet for personal discussions. With Ygritte he talked at length about Winterfell and Northern (”Southern” to Ygritte / “Northern” to Jon) culture and he was even fairly open discussing their physically intimate moments, even if it still was with his trademark reserve.

Then with Sansa, they spoke so openly about their past, their family, their shared goals. When on Dragonstone (and with LF) Jon keeps his calm and shows absolutely nothing personal except for when Sansa is brought up as a topic. With LF, it causes the most vicious reaction we see from Jon in all of S7. With Tyrion, a passing joke from an old friend triggers a thousand mile stare and causes Tyrion to immediately try to smooth over the exchange. With Theon, Sansa became the only reason a visibly emotional Jon decided not to kill a man with his bare hands. Sansa is the cause of Jon’s fury towards other men, and otalso the soothing balm to his aggression. 

I’ve seen it claimed (not by you) that Jon doesn’t really think much of anything of Sansa and they only bicker and that he’s relieved to go. Given how canonically vicious Jon can get in defending any perceived transgression against her name - and how emotionally calming she is in his mind (think of how suddenly she snaps him out of pummeling Ramsay and how she stands as the only reason he doesn’t kill Theon immediately upon reuniting with him) that idea that Sansa is not tremendously important to Jon just holds no water.

More to the point of your ask, in moments where Jon is not “hyper-mission-focused” he talks about Sansa, Winterfell, and his family. In moments that could easily have been used to show his personal affections for Daenerys, we never get that from him. If telling a love story, it’s absolutely imperative to have those moments with other characters. The absence of those moments has to be met with at least some feeling of ambiguity about Jon’s state of mind.

[ Your conclusion that Jon isn’t taking advantage of Dany’s affections ] 

I think the question of whether Dany prioritizes fighting the Night King or Cersei will be definitively answered in S8. My view is that it’s easy to use Dany going North as definitive evidence that she understands the big picture now…but that’s overlooking the fact that she was foolish to trust Cersei’s agreement as a matter of principle, she refused to forget about Cersei despite Jon’s wishes, and we KNOW that Cersei has already betrayed the deal.

The ceasefire plot’s purpose (IMO) was to postpone Dany’s inevitable and character-defining choice between seeing through the war with the Night King or abandoning the mission to seek revenge on Cersei. It’s hard for me to find any other purpose for showing Dany wrestling with the idea of pausing her invasion to face an existential threat. When a show places a character in her position of wanting two different things, it’s GOING to make her make a choice. Her choice will centered on this question: Is she willing to sacrifice her pursuit of revenge and power for the purpose of achieving a more significant goal when she hears that Cersei has betrayed the ceasefire?

For Dany, this will be her character-defining choice. The reason I see her making the wrong choice is that she’s already headed North with Jon with her ceasefire - and if she chooses “correctly” then nothing changes. From a storytelling perspective, that robs the significance of the choice of having any narrative impact. The only way she can go is the route that will impact the story, which is her abandoning the right choice for the choice that reveals what she really wants.

[the-firebird69]

15°45'58.7"N 121°34'20.0"E

15°45'58.7"N 121°34'20.0"E

And we missed a few things but most of it's in. Some reason he fell asleep trying to put his phone in there not sure why she says he was sleeping moved his phone he was amazed. And this looks like some sort of chipper and here too I don't want to put a chipper on there sometimes it sticks we do that still sticks so Chip it

Thor Freya

That's why they're there they've got a notice of similar behavior the island was shaking people are moving around businesses were disappearing on to the island but off. On things people taking pictures all over the place of stuff strange strange things strange people taking tons of pictures why we don't know he does and huge imports of buildings so they had all that in the Philippines in the early stages they call it so they went out there armed since he's really and the Philippines called and said we need you to get out of here thinking it may have been China on look Chinese nope they can't tell half of Manila is gone and the other half is just about to go up we just about have it and we get a phone call from someone we have to put it on hold it was just so and so is coming that was commander Colonel Kurtz was coming in upper River with a good size horse several Mount alien troops and that's away from Manila to see what's out there they have recon photos that they can't leave it looks like there's a whole bunch of buildings all of them manufacturing all of them from the mainland of China so hard to get anything done here Uriel and Goddess Wife say, they're damn trees everywhere and these people stick to trees like nothing they wear stuff that is the same color and sit there all night long go from tree to tree they did tunnels everywhere if you would want to tunnel somewhere you can hire them they'll have it in in minutes 100 ft long second tunneling machine so efficient and a lot of trouble with them very pervasive invasive is Chinese they are cookie compared to even Jason not cases lots of cannibalism had to put down a lot of them. They look at him with on his eyes in their eyes because he's swearing it all these people they've always looked up to let's see how he does it though what the heck are you doing pal like your garth does a little. Today they burst out laughing I saw him sitting there with a knife saying stuff and two completely ignoring him and him saying Jesus Christ she gets a f*** out of the way stuff like that then one of their mouths comes this later on today out of one of the two who the hell does he think he is holding a knife at her back you start talking all sudden kurtz said no, you won't let me see this what is it to you and why would it be any of my fault it's an answer since hypothetically said you were there encouraging him and stuff and then all of a sudden you start laughing this is the s*** we've been listening to you these idiots falling around they can all these dumb noises doesn't sound like he usually sound it says laughing and saying okay so I can get rid of you if you can bja or just another one. Who says about the off he's real vehement ww said you're done bja lol vkerhim out if the vehicle at speed Tommy f left him.

He got up and he was kneeling on the highway in a semi ran right over him and he's deader than hell deserve it he said right before you got smacked and he's saying no I didn't oh after I said it and pow right into him and his road Pizza flying out in a couple seconds people drive real fast but 90-100 minimum. I guess the barrio and the Bronx and the many other vehicles like that can keep up and he says only one per country so China has one and it's one of their areas and districts it's really poor oh my God really he wasn't in the middle. So the edge of the country but it was a poor area the named it that and tons of people bought it huge numbers. And didn't Huau, sounds like a Hyundai. Battleship the movie is underway tonight and tomorrow it starts I saw the shield up tells people want to know what it is it works how it works and corky the game I need to be right on top of it even while the Bronx tale is going on

Appreciate the help but really your white people are getting carried away said they're not my white people at all they're not my kind as you know I said yes when I called that cuz you send them there more or less to have all sorts of fun with us he can see my factories in that pictures we don't want that this is maybe you should take the pictures away so I'm starting to do that and all these people are starting to wonder what's going on why are these factories moving to the island and who's out there who the hell would move factories to the ighlands. I'll send this is the people get displaced and the factors move there and nobody says they're doing it that makes sense people do that for years so they know who to go after

Uriel and Goddess Wife

[kizardofkoz]

Muscle

It was a little over a year ago and we were visiting with our best friends over Labor Day weekend. I was still in my first year of new baby, knee deep in first-year-baby-love and my all too familiar struggle of *bouncing back* (which has Never been my actual experience. It’s more like a slow rolling on the ground mixed with some crying, disgust, guilt, disgust at my guilt and guilty about my disgust, very slow muscle gain and trying to figure out how many WW points are in the scones I just made - because friends, I make a mean scone) and I was just feeling so irritated with where I was compared to where I wanted to be. Our friends looked so lean, healthy, toned -and I? 

I was jealous. 

I felt soft and annoyed. While I was grateful that I carried a baby for the fourth time, I was So. Over. Losing. *The Baby Weight*.

They said the only real change they had made in their lifestyle was that they had been running. (They also only have half as many children and are in a different life stage with their ages, but we’re focusing on the health portion here.)

And so.

I began running. 

100% it was born out of a competitive desire to look and feel better and become a runner. But I actually found a part of me that I lost during quarantine, and the several year pattern of having and raising baby boys. 

I would leave my house for 30-60 minutes, put on a podcast that scared me (it was early fall when this love affair really began to take hold and I would listen to Spooked! - holy crap, it is absolutely terrifying. So I would throw in some true crime, just to shake up my amygdala) and as the weather started to cool and leaves started to turn, I found my alone time, running the streets of my neighborhood. 

And it was good. 

Necessary. 

Healing.

_______________________________________________________________________

I have had an interesting relationship with running and fitness my entire life. Exercise, up until this past year probably, was usually a punishment. A method to burn off the calories that I so painfully counted and tried to delete one way or another. (For several years -junior year of high school through sophomore year of college- that would involve sticking a finger down my throat, which is not a unique story for a teenage, American girl, yet it still feels quite vulnerable as I have never publicly mentioned it, like on this blog that has hundreds of thousands of followers. ;) I grew up sitting on a piano bench. I was never a super athletic kid (and was often told that) and things like running, and sports and physical coordination seemed like another realm that I would never know. So I would admire all of the athletic kids that looked so sinewy and strong and natural, and I would feel embarrassed and frustrated that God gave me the body that I had. I was grateful for my artsy, musical abilities, but in this culture, as a young woman especially, there is no greater skill or attribute, then to be small, smooth, and beautiful. 

I am still trying to figure out how to undo parts of this thinking. 

Stretched skin, years of confidence building, therapy and relearning that food is actually really delicious (who knew!) has helped tremendously. I wish I could hug younger me. 

But she had to learn this on her own. 

In her own way. 

In her own time.

So at this time, as a matured 37 year old, I went into running differently. I would leave my house and find new paths that had more gradual hills because you don’t realize how hilly your neighborhood is until you try to run. Or ride a bike. Or in my case, walk a bike up a hill.

But I would also allow myself to slow down. To walk. For the first time in my life I listened to my body, and if she was tired, I walked. If she couldn’t breathe, I slowed down to catch my breath. And it changed everything. I built strength and avoided injury. I looked forward to my next run because I wasn’t too sore, and because once I had quit using running as a method of torture it actually started to become quite rewarding.  My soul needed the exercise as much as my muscles.

Minus all of the true crime and ghost stories, it was kind of like prayer at times. Or some really bizarre, spooky therapy.

_______________________________________________________________________

Three weeks ago I had the absolute honor and life blessing of being able to attend a women’s retreat in Estes Park, CO. I flew there early on a Thursday morning to meet up with 20 women who I had never met to reconnect with a God that I was missing dearly and to find myself again.

Oh my gosh. 

I can’t even explain the exact magic of that weekend and I actually won’t give away too  many details because part of the retreats’ (there are two: a mens ones and they just began a women’s one last year) magic is the slight, secret-society-ish-ness of it, so a previous group won’t ruin the experience for those that follow. 

But I felt so taken care of and loved. I have not had the time and space to release and let go the way I was able to. In years. Every meal was prepared and cleaned by a woman named Jess. Every activity was thoughtfully planned yet not overbooked. I didn’t have to make a decision, make  breakfast or make a to-do list. My nervous system settled and my brain was clearer than I feel it has been in my adult life.

And my heart. 

I didn’t realize how lethargic I had become in my own faith. Of course I love God and Jesus and my faith is the most important thing to me, but was I actively doing anything to strengthen and encourage it? Negative. 

And this is where muscle comes in. 

I have been running and conditioning my body over the past year to run miles, to handle hills, build my stamina and improve my pace. I have put in the work and time and my body is stronger. Muscle memory.

In Estes, I feel like I just went through a spiritual bootcamp. I received a megadose injection of peace, love, refinement, depth, stillness and Jesus. I can either keep going and try to maintain and strengthen this muscle, or I can become apathetic, put it off for tomorrow, make excuses that were never meant to be excuses and just not prioritize this thing that I claim is the most important thing to me.

Guys. (And gals!)

I did it.

I’m doing it.

I am actually carving out time each day (mostly) and I am keeping a prayer journal and reading from a devotional (I go between Shauna Neiquest’s “Savor”  - thank you Meredith Hopping and Sarah Young’s “Jesus Calling”, thank you Mom), and I am Reading My Bible. (I’m a Message girl, which should not be surprising at all. The Poetry and FEELINGS!) And I am actually WANTING to read the bible. Like, I am finding it interesting and I actually kind of look forward to reading it the next day because I want to know what happens and not “I am reading this because I am Supposed to and because I have promised God since I was a child that I would read the whole thing and there’s no time like at age 37 to make good on a promise to Jehovah that I made as a 6 year old. That makes sense.”

I say all of these words NOT TO BRAG AT ALL BECAUSE NO NOPE NOPE NO NO, but to hopefully encourage others out there. (PS, I’m reading 1 Kings - if you’re Trump, that would be “One Kings”, I’m also praying for compassion and less judgment from myself. And that was the most compassionate way I could say that.:) I realized that just like with exercise, I often felt that if I didn’t have enough time to really sit down and read chapters of the bible, or have 10-15 minutes for a deep, thoughtful prayer, then it wasn’t worth giving God any time at all. I was being a perfectionist with my faith life and refused to not partake if it couldn’t be what I thought it would be. Or should be. 

And I don’t really think God, in the end, gives a shit. 

I think God wants any and all. God will take a 10 second, or 3 minutes or half hour long prayer. As long as it is authentic and humble and vulnerable because I think that is what God works with best and how we can refine and mature the most. I also think intentional longer prayers that include time to pause and listen (especially with the terrifying, faith building fear of But what if God doesn’t answer).  God and I have always chatted throughout the day, but overall, I realized that I was getting in my own way with some twisted perfectionism, when all God wants is my truest, most imperfect self.

Along with this, I have also been much more gentle with myself. I skipped a day the other day. (And yesterday!) And this is okay. I wasn’t able to get it in and instead of shaming myself and feeling guilty, negative and embarrassed, I gave myself love. I let myself  walk instead of run because there are busy days and hills and we aren’t made to run and dominate every single one of them every single time. 

 It is also important to note that I spent much of this weekend eating chips and birthday cake as it was our eldest’s first sleepover party. I stepped on the scale this morning and it was 2-3 pounds higher than it normally is. And you know what? I am actually okay. I am probably the most okay I have ever been in this situation and I am absolutely floored and comforted that I know God sees me and knows what I need. I know that in time I will get back to where I was, not with punishment but with mindfulness. And to stop eating the cake (it was so good though). And maybe ease off of the chips. 

And to joyfully run.

God’s grace is so wild, and beautiful, and abundant. 

I think I grew up with a bit of a childish, lopsided idea of God. I don’t know if it was my education, my church, my family or my own absorption and interpretation, but for a very, very long time I knew God was loving, but I also knew God was wrathful, jealous, vengeful and judgmental. After years of growth and exposing myself to other theologies, biblical philosophies, and finding my own spiritual and path, I have rediscovered Jesus and God in a whole new way. I have been reminded of, or relearned, God’s tenderness. 

God’s Gentleness. 

God’s Compassion. 

And I truly think if we could remember these qualities first, and also use these qualities first as Christians - to one another, to ourselves, and to *gasp* non-Christians - the world would literally be a different place.

So. 

I am going to continue building these muscles. I have worked really, really hard to get to where I am physically and I am really, really proud of it. I can run and keep up with my children, I have no idea what I could bench or deadlift but I can pick up our enormous <99% 1 year old multiple times each day and I feel like that in and of itself could be a really popular WOD. “The Kepler”: pick up 35 pounds 50 times and run across the house between each set of five. Then halfway through you change the laundry over as fast as you can and at the very end you realize you forgot to push start on the dryer. 

Repeat as necessary.

And I am going to continue building my spiritual muscle. This looks like prayer time, bible reading, (I even installed a wall light so I can read in this special spot because we know that special spots are really important to Jesus.) and prioritizing this priority to me. 

And this also looks like tenderness. 

Gentleness. 

Compassion. 

Because even God knows we need a sabbath and sometimes the body just needs to rest. 

The soul, too. 

And I am learning to be gentle with myself. To love me and give grace to me even when I skip a day. 

At least spiritually. 

Because physically, I am still doing “The Kepler” daily. 

Even more exhausting because my warm-up is “The Wyndsor”.

The charcuterie board that puts all other charcuterie boards to shame. Jess, a pilates instructor with a gift of hospitality, healthy cooking and presentation made us the most beautiful meals. And coffee. And wine. And pop corn. And fudge. I miss Jess.

I know what you’re thinking - *Now I see why they have 4 boys!* BECAUSE I LOOK SO DAMN GOOD IN OVERALLS!!

Just 20 something of my new dearest friends. I can’t wait to see them again next fall. So I can start crying every six sentences and zen out in all of God’s natural beauty coming through the landscape, the carved out time and the stories each of these women are carrying. Ready to drink around a fire with all of you again. I will try to stay up later this time. Maybe. (Who have I become??!) #Revel2021

[wolfwhiteflowers]

speculating on the future of new TWD

I haven’t really thought of what’s next after Carl’s death ..or s9. I’m like in denial or actually I just want to see how s8B goes first, and then decide and wonder. (winter hiatus ugh so much to wonder and go crazy) I guess most people are doing that or they quit now. Well I did some thinking anyways, since I keep seeing people asking ‘what about comic-Carl’s arcs?’ and not what’s the premise now?-well maybe they are asking that. 

I also speculate on other characters and my ships. my head is going crazy.

*comic spoilers! *tv spoilers!

- check out my tag #*twd s8 spoilers or #*twd for more of my thoughts.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

 Anyways, so I just think anyone can take (after the time-jump) comic-Carl’s multiple plots, and the show goes like as usual-adapting and some remixing from the comics. The show have done it already with comic-Andrea(one of the big characters). So, Daryl, Enid,Henry, Judith could take some comic-Carl’s plots??? 

There’s that premise of the show, ‘father and son’ thing and seeing ‘son becoming a leader’. If the show really wants to keep continuing that same premise of ‘father and son’, then it’s like Rick and Judith playing that way, and some other arcs. I kinda wonder about Henry(kingdomer) and Carol as the mother and son trope thing. It could be Rick as father and Henry as the son/future leader and they both be that way back and forth in the story. But, that seems confusing, outdated, and well he’s not Carl. 

So, I’m hoping ep 9, the writers will say what’s the new premise or something that would make sense of when looking back at TWD as a whole. Merging both premises. (I know people have different reasons for watching. Some don’t care of the premise or casual watchers, or don’t care to look at the big picture but just to keep going forward in the story.) Um, I’m hoping to see Carl telling his dad to thank him for raising him and ... Oh I’ve seen some quotes from Riggs saying that Rick will follow Carl’s lead, his hopes. I think Rick will honor Carl. So, then the premise is changed and explained. I hope it makes sense and done right ..to me in ep 9 and on. Also, it reinforce that TWD show is always about Rick and will always be. Not like the comics, where it will be about Carl’s story. If the writers didn’t explain the new premise well and not makes sense for me, maybe I would lose interest in the show or so. I probably lose more trust on the writers (which is bad thing to feel that way). Idk just my opinion and I liked that they showed Carl as a hero in ep 8. There’s no right answer to it. (ofc also want the show to end it on the writer’s terms and not unexpectedly cancelled etc.)

The death of Carl really changes the story and really diverted from the comic’s story. Like Idk even know what Carol, Daryl, Tara, and Morgan and others will do. Even Enid too. It’s harder to speculate now. These characters that are not from the comics or living longer than the comic counterpart. There’s now more options that one of those characters could take comic-Carl’s plot and stuff. This also give opportunities for the writers to do original stories too like before but now more than usual. (Grady hosp., the scavengers, oceanside?)

-Caryl. Thinking of the worst, I really hope Daryl doesn’t take comic-Carl’s part of meeting (adult) Lydia and starting that relationship. That’s would suck and it’s not the same in the comics as in that it’s comic-Carl’s first love. What about Enid, who is Carl’s first gf and adapting from comic-Sophia. It’s all confusing. So far, imo, Lydia isn’t that important in that plot. It’s the part of introducing the Whisperers and learning about them ..from Lydia. So TWD could not make her a love interest or just have someone who informs us and the team family. So, I hope they don’t pair Daryl with Lydia. I’m hoping for Caryl to happen soon or canon off screen after the time-jump. This Caryl thing is hard. I love this pairing, still feel that they’re still Caryl~. But I really don’t know what’s next based on the comics and we wait a long time and nothing more happens with their relationship. I want confirmation of what they are. idk maybe they be canon at the end of the series sigh.

-Speculating on Daryl, I can kinda see him being like comic-Dwight like what they did in s7. I kinda see some plots from comic-Carl (wanting to kill Negan), ..comic-Michonne ..in the way of leaving Rick/ASZ. I don’t know.

-I really don’t know what’s next for Carol. I do think the writers are foreshadowing Ezekiel’s death. So, if she starts a romance with him, it’s sad because he’s gonna die anyways and she’ll be sad again. Based on the foreshadowing, I think Ezekiel will die in s9. She’s been following comic-Michonne. But, oh boy since Carl died, I feel that changes Carol and Michonne’s arcs. Well, with speculating on the comics that the writers adapt and remix from. I know tv writers can change it up anytime. It kinda makes me think Michonne will go back to comic-Michonne’s plots.

-I’m kinda thinking of Richonne and I’m like OMG there’s so much heavy stories potential for Richonne. It’s not just Richonne but also just Rick and just Michonne. We already saw some glimpse of Michonne’s PTSD, losing two sons, moment when she slaughtered the savior guy.  So, I think Richonne will live till the end of the show. Richonne are like the leading characters of the show. “Rick’s show” But it’s like close to being “Richonne’s show” because they’re both are honoring Carl’s hopes. They’re Carl’s parents. This is so different from the comics. Comic-Rick and Andrea didn’t deal with this situation during AOW. So, whatever Richonne will do in s8B will be original. And in s9, I think will be still original or their dynamic really is different than comic-R&A.

 -I also think the writers thought ”to kill off Carl or Michonne die based on comic-Andrea”, and they chose Michonne to live. Or, other TV/business reasons. I think that is based on comic-Andrea.  I would really hate if Rick will lose Carl and Michonne after the Whisperer War.

 IF, the show lasts that long and writers thought Rick needed to have something in common with Negan-losing a wife(I think). I don’t like this idea. I read the comics and I still don’t know what’s the point of comic-Andrea’s death yet. Losing Carl already impacted Rick, so losing Michonne later on..just makes it’s so hard on Rick. Is comic-Andrea’s death is to kill off comic-Rick later on? But he’s not losing his mind and he still has comic-Carl and Mikey(kinda adopted son) right now. So, I think Carl is based on comic-Andrea’s death and that it also starts up Negan’s redemption and I think that the writers wanted to do that early in AOW and not WW. So, no need to kill Michonne, imo. The writers said they’re bridging the gap or hole for why Rick wants Negan to live in prison cell (Carl’s hope) and not be killed off. I guess I’m also saying that I think the writers are thinking that comic-Andrea’s death relates to Negan’s redemption. (in the comics, I think Negan’s redemption was done well, imo. I hope tv version can show it well too.*maggie) I guess I’m also saying that Negan is big character too in the story. He is in the comics and that’s how it is...so if anyone hates Negan..stop watching it then, I guess. Negan is like one of the main characters and impacts the story a lot during this time in the show and still is in the comics. Idk it depends on how long the show lasts and what the writers will do, but I think Negan is gonna be important in the story. So I guess writers thought killing Carl will start up the new premise of the show and set up the redemption arc for Negan, and Michonne lives on.

So there’s a lot of changes and it’s all up in the air. It just depends if I still trust the writers or still the show. I do think s8B and s9 & on is gonna be like a new show.  “Rick’s show” 

Here’s an article to read of the show and AL.