#been in my drafts for a while finally remembered to clean it up and post

[pencap]

they warned me that i cannot want you. mother told me wanting you would get me hurt. father told me wanting you would get me scarred. you told me wanting you would get me killed.

foolish heart, do you think i do not know? i have known from the moment that i laid eyes upon you and the devouring void in my chest woke up and named itself wanting and stretched and stretched and never stopped stretching that you would be the death of me.

foolish heart, i am not afraid.

it was always going to get me killed, this life of mine this life of yours this life of ours. and if you are going to be the death of me ( you are, you are, you are ) i would rather die for wanting you than die for hating you. i would rather die for the hope of having you than die for the fear of having you.

be my sun, my winds, my ocean and i will make myself icarus and i will find my joy in your blinding light and i will find my freedom in your touch and i will find my death in your waiting arms.

and you can melt me down like a candle under the flame or you can cast me about like a leaf in the skies or you can swallow me whole like a memory.

i will still be yours and wanting and wanting and wanting.

[3amwritings]

The Priest's Favorite Sinner

Pairing: Priest!Jeong Yunho x Reader

Genre: Smut, 18+ Minors DNI!

Word Count: 2.7k words

Summary: The Priest has his favorite sinner, his favorite forbidden fruit.

Warnings: Smut, Blowjobs, Religious guilt, Religious Imagery, Unprotected sex, riding, Gender Neutral reader (I try), Exhibitionism, Reader degrades Yunho and he's super into it, Kinda proofread? , Yunho is a freak freak

A/N: I finally posted something to this acc (admin 🥥 here), I had this bitch sitting in my drafts for months so I decided to clean it up to post >.< I hope you enjoy it! It's my first ever fic like this and any feedback is appreciated ^0^

...To be honest, Yunho does not remember where this perverted fixation on you had started. You’re nothing more than a filthy sinner, someone that Yunho should have stayed away from, from the very moment he laid eyes on you. But you were too enticing for him. Maybe this had started when you accidentally caught him jerking off to a photo of you in his office. Or maybe it started when you had lured him into the confession booth, with those seductive eyes.

Well, whatever it was that started all this… now Yunho can’t get enough of you.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." Yunho gasps out, his voice slightly strained, his hands gripping the handles of the confession booth desperately. His grip was so tight, that his knuckles were turning white.

Here you were, between his legs as he sat in the confession booth, his cock deep down your throat. He gasps out and whimpers at how fucking good you feel, your warm mouth taking in all of him. It feels like pure bliss, his heavy cock twitching against your warm tongue.

…This is not what a priest does. A lingering sense of guilt rests in his stomach, a pit chewing at him. nYunho was aware that what he was doing was wrong. If by some miracle he wasn’t damned, this was certainly the nail in the coffin.

Each quickie or blowjob you give, in the confession booth or his office, only lures him in deeper, hook and sinker. You're like a drug to him, and he's addicted…

But Yunho can’t lie and say he doesn’t feel a bit of shame. The never-ending guilt and shame of doing these sinful things in a place considered Holy. What type of priest is he? What type of priest has he become?

… A dirty fucking one, that’s for sure. He’s so addicted to you and your body, trying to find the next wild or bizarre thing to do that puts them at a high risk of being caught…

His cock twitches even more at the idea, another moan slipping his pretty, plush lips. God, you’re so fucking good at being a slut for him.

But suddenly, Yunho was snapped out of thoughts, at the sound of the door to the other side of the confession booth opening, and the shuffling of clothing. Yunho's eyes widened, his face flushing red. What the fuck? Didn’t he put up a sign he would not be hosting confessions today? Had he forgotten?

The logical thing to do was pull you off his cock and take the confession. That’s what a good priest who had not fallen into temptation would do. However… The idea that he has to listen to someone repent their sins to their priest, all while getting his cock sucked and staying quiet is so hot to him... Yunho really was a pervert, wasn't he?

He quietly mutters another apology under his breath, as his hand tightens its grip on your hair, guiding you to keep a steady place as you blow him. Who was the apology for? Not even Yunho knows.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." A man speaks softly, the strain in his voice obvious. He had been crying prior, and in a heartbroken manner, came to Yunho to help find some peace. Your eyes are glued on Yunho, who clears his throat, preparing to reply.

He lets out another low groan, his hips instinctively bucking towards your eager mouth. His fingers tighten around your hair, guiding your movements.

…How is he supposed to care about someone else's sins when all he can think about is how much he wants to bend you over right now? 

You quite truly are the forbidden fruit.

"Go on, my child" Yunho finally begins, his voice shaky and filled with lustful need. God help him, but it feels so wrong yet oh-so-right at the same time.

The other person on the other side didn't hear how Yunho sounded different, probably too grief-stricken to notice or care. He begins to talk, occasionally stopping to hiccup or sob. Yunho was trying to focus on this story, his mind split between processing this man’s story and relishing the warm sensation of your mouth enveloping his cock.

For just a moment, Yunho feels guilty about what he is doing while this poor man repents his sins.

But you don’t.

Carefully, while locking eyes with him, you slowly took more of Yunho’s cock deeper into your mouth, deepthroating him. His eyes widened as he watched you, biting his lip so hard he could taste crimson metallic blood. It oozes out of the wound and threatens to spill down his chin.

You took him all in, the tip of your nose pressed against his skin, the sight so erotic Yunho wished he could be like this forever. Your sweet, plush lips around his cock…

Fuck, you’re going to be the death of him.

"What...what sins have you committed?" Yunho manages to choke out, his words barely coherent as he struggles to maintain control. His body tenses up, muscles clenching as he fights against the overwhelming urge to cum. Did this man already tell Yunho about his sins? He’s not even paying attention at this point.

Thankfully, the man hadn’t told Yunho his sins, and he did just that. Yunho can hear the man’s voice trembling, as he voices the sins he committed, that led him to this very confession booth. Yunho couldn’t help but roll his eyes. The sins he mentioned were not worthy of showing up here, not even in the slightest.

His grip on your hair tightens further, pulling you closer until there's no space left between your lips and his body. He starts thrusting shallowly, using your mouth like his own personal sex toy. "Tell me everything," he commands breathlessly, his voice low and husky with desire. "Don't leave anything out..."

Is he stalling? Is Yunho hoping that the man’s tragic story takes up enough time for Yunho to finally climax? Not even he knows.

What he should have done was just bless him and forgive his sins already… Well, that could only happen if he wasn’t such a pervert. The idea that this random man finds out is hotter than any fantasty Yunho could come up with.

*"...and that's why I'm here," the voice from outside continues, sounding broken-hearted and remorseful.

But Yunho can hardly concentrate on the man’s words. Every fiber of his being screams for release, begging him to let go and surrender himself fully to pleasure. A soft whimper escapes him as you constrict your throat even more- such a simple action sends shockwaves through his body. 

"Well..." His mind was too fuzzy to come up with a specific answer. His brain scurried to find a simple basic answer, one to satisfy this man so he could get the hell out faster. He finally responds after what felt like ages with, "It seems that your penance will involve many prayers and hours spent kneeling before God." How ironic.

With those words hanging heavy in the air, Yunho gives one final push into your welcoming mouth. A soft shuddered sigh leaves his lips, his head tilted forward, as his locks of black hair stick to his forehead, littered with beads of sweat.

You slightly cough as he grips your hair tighter and holds your head down, as he releases hot cum down your throat. It overflows, some of it escaping the corners of your mouth, mixed with some of your saliva, dripping down the base of his cock, and down his balls. It most definitely ruined his robes, but to be honest, Yunho couldn't care less.

"Oh, thank you, Father." The grief-stricken man thanks Yunho multiple times, his voice full of joy and relief. He wasn’t even aware of what had been happening next door. The newly repented man leaves the confession booth, leaving Yunho and you alone here.

As you were finally pulled off his softening cock, you couldn’t help but softly cough out, having managed to swallow all that Yunho had given you. “...You’re a fucking pervert, you know.” You couldn’t help but gasp out, trying to catch your breath.

Yunho couldn’t help but narrow his eyes at you. You’re correct, but why must you be so vulgar about it? “A pervert? Is that what you think of me?” He softly mused, his hand letting go of your hair, his hands almost instinctively petting it, to smooth it out. For a moment, Yunho had to admire how divine you looked in the dim lighting of the confession booth.

“You seemed super fucking turned on about the idea someone could have discovered us…” You commented in a very curt, straightforward manner. “...That's something only a pervert would get off to.” A sly smile forms on your face as Yunho's face slightly flushes red. Again, you might be right, but why so blunt about it?

He swallows as he watches you strip your clothes off in a nonchalant manner, his cock somehow hardening yet again. You and your cursed spell.

"...You're right," Yunho finally admitted softly, his hands reaching for your bare hips, feeling the soft flesh underneath his fingertips. He gives a possessive squeeze, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as his mind runs crazy with lust and desire. He pulls you in more, having you straddle Yunho.  "I am a pervert. And you're the reason why."

His hands roam and touch every part of you he can, committing it to memory. He can never get enough of your body. He’s utterly hooked.

"I can't help myself around you. You drive me crazy..." Yunho’s voice is deep and sensual, as he pulls you in even closer to him. His lips then began to press kisses all over your bare chest. You couldn’t help but let out a shuddered sigh, your head tilted back in pure bliss.

…All his life, Jeong Yunho had devoted himself to the name of Christ and God. It feels with each feverish kiss he presses on your delicate skin, more and more of his sanity slips away. The delicate braid of his faith in his religion, unraveled string by string. You were the one he wanted to spend and dedicate the rest of his life worshipping. 

To prove his point, Yunho captures your nipple between his teeth, biting down just hard enough to elicit a gasp from your parted lips. "Mmm, but I bet you love it, just as much as I do." He murmured in a husky manner, his eyes looking up at you. A crazed look of insanity, lust, and devotion was swirling in those brown eyes of him, signifying that this priest was long gone.

You couldn’t help but nod, little moans slipping past your lips with each kiss, each hickey, and each bite Yunho leaves on you, marking you in a way only a sinner could.

“Oh, yes I do, Father.” You moan out, peering down and snickering to yourself as Yunho’s ears slightly flush red. You can’t get enough of teasing him.

His cock eagerly twitches against your needy hole, and you lifted your hips up just enough, positioning yourself to be a bit more comfortable.

Knees planted on either side of Yunho’s beefy thighs, one hand on the handle of the confession booth and the other on Yunho’s shoulder, you lazily roll your hips over the sensitive tip, watching the priest under you shudder.

“Don’t tease me like that.” Yunho desperately hisses between his teeth, his hands firmly gripping your hips. Once his tip was kissing against your hole, Yunho couldn’t help but let out a trembling moan once you finally sank down on him.

A sweet moan leaves your lips as his big cock stretches you out, your velvety walls pulsing and eagerly milking him, his tip pressed right against that sweet spot deep in you. “Oh yes, Father-” You moaned out, as you began to roll your hips, bouncing on Yunho’s cock.

Deep moans leave Yunho’s lips, he’s absolutely mesmerized by you. You look so angelic riding him, so ethereal. Liquid pleasure courses through Yunho's veins, but he doesn’t even have time to relish in it.

In the midst of his pleasure-filled haze, Yunho’s ears pick up once again on the confession booth door next to him opening. What the fuck?!

Suddenly, without thinking, Yunho puts his hand to your mouth and shoves his fingers in. His fingers press against your tongue, causing you to slightly cough, any noises afterward muffled. On the other side, it’s an older woman’s voice. “Father forgive me, for I have sinned.”

His heart beats out of his chest, that same thrill he got from earlier coursing through his veins. The thrill of potentially being caught is too addicting for Yunho to just give up. As his free hand gently guides you to keep bouncing on his cock, he clears his throat, and he speaks. “What seems to be troubling you, my child? Speak freely.” 

His mind is melting. Yunho’s eyes are fixated on your form, the way you bounce on his aching cock, the way you look taking his fingers in your mouth, the way your spit drools down your chin. He’s trying to focus on the lady next to him. He really is. You’re just too distracting. You just simply feel too good, wrapped around his cock.

With sniffles, the woman next to him began to confess her sins in a soft, repentant voice, which only made Yunho roll his eyes again. This was once again petty bullshit that did not require to be forgiven.

His eyes rolled to the back of his head as you then began to grind your hips for more pleasure, and by accident, a soft moan left his lips. Your eyes narrow in delight as Yunho’s eyes widen in horror, his hand squeezing your hip so hard there would surely be bruises by tomorrow.

“F-Father are you okay?” The woman on the other asks in a concerned manner. She has no idea. She has no clue what is happening next to her.

“Apologies, my child…” Yunho stammers out slightly, trying to compose himself to respond. “...I slept wrong on my neck last night. Just had some pain.”

Really? Neck pain? Is that the best he can do? Yunho could feel your tongue move as you giggled underneath his fingers, and he shot you a glare to behave yourself.

The woman clears her throat, before continuing her tale. “Please Father, what should I do?”

That’s a great question. What should she do?

Yunho grits his teeth as he begins to thrust his hips upwards, his cock hitting that spot that makes you see stars. A knot forms quickly in your abdomen, signaling that you aren’t gonna last long. As your tongue decides to swirl around his long fingers, Yunho’s eyes roll to the back of his head, his own orgasm approaching quickly. His eyes clenched shut as he fights to maintain control, even an ounce of sanity.

“Forgiveness can be found through prayer and penance, my child," Yunho finally manages to say, his voice strained and husky. “Now repeat after me: 'I am truly sorry for my sins...'”

As the woman in the booth next to him begins to recite the phrase, Yunho's thrusts become more erratic, desperately chasing that sweet forbidden release. He's teetering on the edge, the sweet taste of Nirvana is just right on the tip of his tongue.

Your eyes roll back to the back of your head as you came, your juices coating and making a mess on Yunho’s thighs. If Yunho’s fingers were not in your mouth, your moans would have been so loud right now.

Yunho shudders at the sight of your orgasm that he can’t hold back anymore, pulling your hips down on his cock as he came, shooting streams of  cum into your sweet hole.

He lets out a low shaky exhale, as the lady in the booth next to him thanks Father Yunho, leaving in a hurry.

The only sound that could be heard is the soft ragged breathing that came from you and Yunho, trying to catch your breaths from such an experience.

“...Told ya that you were a pervert.” You grinned slightly, as you slowly lifted yourself off his softening cock, some of his cum slightly leaking out.

Yunho, who’s still trying to catch his breath, narrows his eyes but chooses not to comment on it. After all, you were correct.

[mvltisstuff]

aaa i’m sorry glad your requests are back!! i was wondering if you could do a one-shot for buck where he visits reader (established relationship pls) in the hospital but every time he smiles or says something flirty the heart monitor picks up so he just teases her for it <33

thank you!!!!!!

i think he knows - e.b

summary: request

evan buckley x reader

gif creds

a/n: this gif makes me wanna scream and cry and die and roll over in my grave… anyway hi!!! i know this is late but i remembered this from my drafts and it’s so cute. hope this person still wants to read :))

ever since her surgery, y/n has been forced to rot in the hospital bed. at least until buck gets out of work. every single day, he would come to visit her.

when she first had to go in for the operation, nothing was certain. the medicine she’d have to take, how many bandages would be wrapped around her leg, but one thing was the same.

buck was in the chair next to her every chance he could be. he knew it was something to bring her stability when all of hers was on the brink of collapse. he brought her food, flowers, clothes from home, everything she could’ve ever needed was brought to her, all from him.

it was his post-shift routine. he would shower, change, and drive over to the hospital she was at. he would come full of stories, and he would tell her all about what she was missing. he hated seeing her in that bed, but if it helped her get better, it was all worth it.

it was almost funny to buck, whenever he would go over and visit. it was like they were never dating. it was like high school, when you go a certain way in the halls to see your crush, and your chest gets tight and face hot.

today, he was particularly excited to see her. he got his haircut for the first time in a while, and she adored when he had a fresh cut. he styled it her favorite way before heading over.

he held a to-go box from y/n’s favorite, and had a bag with some clean sleep clothes for her. he scurried through the halls and finally found her room. he knocked lightly on the side as the door was already open.

he peered in to see her, her head slowly tilting to the side with her eyes tired. the office reruns were one of the only noises in the room, besides the steady beeping of her heart monitor.

“hey, beautiful,” buck says cheerfully, waiting for her to look into his eyes too. she perked up at the sound of his voice.

“hi, buck,” her voice was low but clear, and she blinked a few times before focusing on him again. it seemed all energy was brought back to her as she looked at him. she looking him in the face, and then onto his hair and back into his eyes. buck felt the same warm feeling he always did when she looked at him. the color in her eyes shined ten times brighter when she was with him.

the longer she looked at him, she didn’t physically feel anything, but as he moved closer, the more excited she got. she had just wanted him next to her all day, and his hands finally graced her own and cupped her cheeks.

he planted his soft lips onto hers, tasting like the sugary popsicles they give her. he pulled away to sit down next to her, and she just smiled so brightly at him, the same way she always does whenever they pull from the kiss.

it always left them in a trance, such a trance that they didn’t notice the beeping speeding up on her monitor.

“oh, honey,” the nurse murmured, walking in to check on her. “you didn’t tell me when he was coming, gave us a good scare on this floor.”

“what?”

“miss y/n, you are so head over heels for him, whenever he walks in you just about go into arrest.”

y/n’s cheeks blush bright red, looking embarrassed at the nurse. “well you don’t have to say that in front of my crush.”

“i’m your boyfriend?” buck says, confused but also humored.

“you’re still both, apparently.” the nurse retorts, rehooking one of y/n’s tubes back on. when she walks out, she rubs her face with her eyes.

“i would be lying if i said i didn’t notice the beeping.” buck whispers.

“what?” y/n laughs. “what beeping?”

“whenever i walk in, you get all excited and start beeping like crazy.”

“not true.”

“is too! just say you love me,” buck says, leaning in closer.

“fine, i love you.” y/n grins back at him before kissing him again, and her heart rate still doesn’t go down.

[sweetenerobert]

toy story

8.1k | action figure!joel miller x male reader

summary: contemplating throwing out your favorite toy, he comes to life and makes your last night before you leave for college memorable

warnings: MDNI 18+, agalmatophilia, strong language, slight possessive joel, childhood friends to lovers (if you squint) no mention of age besides reader leaving for college, l-word drops, pet names (mostly doll and baby), spanking, dirty talking joel, no description of reader, but joel lifts you (1), oral (m!giving/m!receiving) rimming, spit as lube, unprotected p in a, creampie,

inspired by this post , also huge thanks to @strang3lov3 new tattoo for this fucking idea, i love you so much and thank you for letting me rant to you about this idea that been in my drafts for FUCKING MONTHS

thanks to @minispidey for beta, love you <333

dividers by @saradika-graphics

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I’VE MISSED YOU GUYS!! SOOO MUCH!!

Moonlight piercing through the cotton curtains of your childhood bedroom, dust dancing through the luminescent shards from your window. Two boxes stacked on each other in the corner of your room, your closet’s life ripped away from the clothes once hung in the small confined space. 

Wiping the sweat that littered your forehead as you huffed a breath, you lay down on the small circular rug that riddled the floor, staring at the ceiling light. You were getting ready to leave for college, and packing up your life seemed more stressful than lifting weights off your shoulders. 

Constant choices about what to throw away or bring with you kept swimming in your brain, and overthinking two simple decisions kept making your head spin, mostly ending with you sitting silently thinking about your answer. This wasn’t one of those situations; you had just finished packing and felt like you deserved a break.

Alone in your childhood home while your parents had picked up late shifts and your siblings were out, the silence was deafening, but you preferred the quiet. It gave you time to process everything. Seeing the stars tapped onto your ceiling made you smirk as you glanced around your bare room.

Eyes catching an object underneath the bed, you turned your body to understand the object better. It was your old lumberjack action figure when you were a kid; it must’ve fallen off the shelf over your window. You don’t remember if it came with a name or you made it up, but you called him Joel. 

That name stuck with you until now, even when you were a kid, when you introduced Joel to your friends as they commented on it. Being a “weird name,” you didn’t care; you loved the name. 

Attempting to grab him from the bed, you realize that it would be easier to grab Joel from your bed. You were quickly climbing up on your bed and scrambling to the side, quickly sliding your hand down the crack of the wall and your bed. Tips of your fingers grazing the fake axe on the back of the action figure, biting your lip as your nail pulls the toy closer towards the wall, retracting your head a few feet up as you see it closer to the wall.

The action figure is in your grasp, sliding your knuckles up on the cold wall while your palm touches the cotton sheets wrapped around your mattress. The toy is now in your hand, and you notice how it’s looked the same after all the years. A couple of tiny patches of color are missing from his plastic hair, and his face and plastic beard stay the same. Joel’s clothes are dusty, balls of lint cover his pants and shirt, and his boots are dustier than anything. You quickly blow a puff of air, trying to clean him off the best you can.

“Hey, Joel. How ya been?’ 

Did I use to talk to this thing? Man, I was a weird kid. 

Joel was your therapist before you even knew what therapy was — telling him about how you finally could spell Wednesday without misspelling it, How you passed each spelling/vocabulary test, and how the boys at school were bullying you. Joel always listened to you; he was your toy, and he didn’t care as long as he was there to protect you – metaphorically.

Loving Joel was easy—he was your first crush—but trying to explain that to a toy was difficult. Bringing Joel with you to live in your college dorm seemed like a hard decision. Glancing at the tiny trash can next to your bed, you glance back at Joel and discard him in the trash bin. 

Wiping your hands on your pants, you looked at the bags and boxes that had cluttered the corner of your room and huffed a breath in annoyance as you decided it would be wise to have your life packed away downstairs.

It didn’t take you long to realize how much you hated your fucking stairs. You were leaning on the top of the stairs – on the handrail, catching your breath. Your bedroom was in your field of view; you would’ve crawled into your room if your knees hadn’t creaked with each movement. 

One of the main things you wouldn’t miss about your house would be the stairs that killed you slowly with each trip up and down the wooden stairwell. 

Slowly getting up from the floor, your feet trudged towards your bedroom door. You were pushing the gateway of your bedroom, earning a creak from its hinges. Your eyes glanced down towards the dark chocolate wood floor with each step into your room. “Finally, I’m ready to lay down in my –” You started to pick your head up, glancing at the figure sitting on your night, playing with a pink eraser he must’ve found in the trash bin.

“– bed.”

"Doll, what's up with you throwin' me away?"

W-what? That one question kept flying around in your head. Not, who is this? Not, what is happening? Just a simple question: What kept spinning around your head?

In the back of your mind, you knew who it was sitting in front of you. It wasn’t a dream, not your imagination; it was real life. Your action figure — your lumberjack, Joel in the flesh? 

He looked real, too real. His hair's curls looked fluffy, and his skin's wrinkles looked defined. His clothes looked like he’d gotten them from a store, with wrinkles littering his shirt and jeans and his boots rubbing against the wood. Your childhood toy was in front of you, alive and in the flesh.

“Too stunned to speak, doll?” 

Shaking your head from the thoughts swimming around you, you look at the male before you. “What?”

“Got my answer. Can’t believe I rendered my doll speechless.”

Joel’s build shocked you as he stood up from his position; his shoulders were broad, his biceps bulging from his flannel – you knew he rolled his sleeves up. Vein’s threatening to burst from his arms and hands. Your former action figure who walked in front of you felt menacing, like his aura made you cower in fear, but instead of fear, it was astonishment. That something you wished for years ago finally came true.

“How is this possible? How are you real?” You quivered. 

“The better question better be, “Why would I throw out such a precious toy?”

“Huh?”

“C’mon, doll, y’think I’m stupid or somethin’; I knew y’threw me out. Half m’foot was in the trash can when I started growing.” 

The answer was plain and simple: you didn’t want to bring him with you to college or leave him to give to someone else, so you thought just about getting rid of him would be. Clearly, Joel’s surprise appearance made things more complicated than they should. “I didn’t throw you out,” You quickly spat out. “You fell in there by accident.”

Joel’s tall figure stood tall in front of you, his once plastic hand – now turned flesh and genuine, his thumb slowly tracing your bottom lip. Your body was shuddering against his touch. “Y’know your body betrays you, sweetheart.”

“Just be honest; it doesn't hurt me, jus’ your pride.”

“J-Joel, listen —”

“Ah, now you know I exist; you were treating me like some hallucination,” Joel announced, backing up, sticking his thumb in the waistband of his jeans. 

“You’re aware that this could very well be a hallucination,” You shrugged.

“Slap yourself, then.” 

“Huh?” 

“Slap. Yourself. In. The face. Then.” Joel enunciated. 

“N-No! I’m not going to do that!” You exclaimed. 

“Okay, fine, then. You’ll never know if this is a hallucination then.” 

Groaning, you quickly connected your palm against your cheek, the skin on your palm and face stink earning a wince that you suck from your teeth.”Happy, now?”

“Blessed. I’m pretty sure you have many questions, which aren’t important, because we need to figger out why you threw me out?”

“I told you, I didn’t–”

“Doll, I’m not stupid. I saw you put me in there, now don’t bullshit me.”

The skin on your palm and cheek had been itchy to the point you wanted to scratch your palm and face simultaneously, resulting in you rubbing your knuckles on your face. But you didn’t even want to answer Joel—your childhood toy. Hurting your friend's feelings was something you never wanted to do; imagine how Joel would feel knowing the boy who had played with him since he was a kid didn’t want to take him to college with him.

But it was something that you had to say, something that you would dread telling anyone you love.

Deciding to rip the band-aid faster than slow, you take a breath, look at Joel’s once painted-on brown eyes, and see a soul behind his real-like eyes. “I didn’t want to take you to college with me, and giving you away seemed way too hard even to think about. So I threw you away.”

Joel looked shocked by your confession. He thought he was ready to hear what you had to say, but Joel wasn’t; he was more perplexed than anything. Moving from where he stood before you, he stumbles on the mattress and sits down to collect his thoughts. Joel’s head hangs as you sit down next to him. It was reminiscent of when you were younger and would watch movies in your living room, having Joel sit next to you while you imagined him laughing or getting mad at a character like you were.

For once, the silence in the room was deafening, and you didn’t like it; you didn’t know what Joel would say, which terrified you.

“Joel? Are you okay?”

Joel nodded. “Yeah,” He snuffled. “Was just thinkin’ bout somethin’.”

“What was it?’

“Joel, when I’m older, I’m taking you everywhere with me, no matter what. You're going to be with me during college, and even when I get the big boy job like my daddy does, you’ll always be there.”

The action figure you played with your whole childhood quoted what you told him in those peak years of being a kid and had nothing to worry about.

“I said that, I'm guessing?”

Joel nods. “You were always a happy kid, no matter what happened, always smiling.” You chuckle at Joel’s statement. It made a smile appear as you remembered that he was always there with you. But, you had to face the fact that you weren't a kid anymore; those promises you made to a toy — a mere plaything- weren't something you thought about as a hormonal teenager. 

Shaking your head, you snap your head at Joel. “Joel, I was a kid back then. I didn't know that growing up would be so different than what I thought.”

“I- I can't be that same kid again. I wish I could trust me, I wish I could, but I can't.”

“It’s a shame,” Joel starts. “I would’ve loved t’see you grow up.”

“I mean, you technically did, right?”

Joel chuckles, “Yeah. Yeah, I did.” 

The cicadas appeared to disrupt the silence in the room when you didn't know what to say to Joel. You hated breaking your best friend’s heart, but being honest was something Joel wanted other than being lied to. “Do you want a hug?” 

“I would love that,” Joel’s southern drawl appeared as you wrapped your arms around Joel, and his arms wrapped you around in a bear hug. 

Hugging Joel felt weird but right – a seemingly impossible wish you fulfilled. You begged to be able to hug Joel, have him hold you in his arms, and melt together, being safe in each other’s arms. “M’gonna miss ya when you’re gone,” Joel grumbles against your head. As you hugged Joel, questions began to swim in your mind as you squeezed his waist; it felt like you were hugging an actual human. The way his body resisted against the tight hold on him, his body felt warm against yours. 

“Okay, wait a second,” you announce, releasing yourself from Joel’s grip and standing before him.

“What’s wrong?” Joel asks, resting one hand on his knee and his forearm on the other knee. You watch at the skin around his wrist, and the watch starts to bend as if he were human.

Questions were floating in your head; you didn’t know where to start, but you took a deep breath and opened your mouth to speak. “How did this happen? How are you walking like this?” 

“I’ve always done it, just done it when everyone isn’t home.”

Perplexity rode your face as Joel’s answer made you think about more questions you wanted to spit out. “So, you’ve always been able to walk around and be so human-like?”

“Yeppers.”

“So, you heard everything?”

Joel nods.

“Everything?” 

“If you’re referring to the times I’ve heard and seen you jerk off and get fucked in here, then yes, everything,” Joel mocked. 

Heat rose to your face. Joel had seen everything, the most vulnerable parts of your body. Things that you wouldn’t admit to if your family asked about it.  “Even when–” 

“Not when you were a kid, I’gave you your privacy. Scout’s honor.”

“But, you’re not a scout but a lumberjack.” 

Joel shrugs. “You’re point?”

“My point is–” You exhale a breath as a hand slides down your face. “If ya wonderin’ of anythin’ sex-related–” Joel interjected.

One question swam around your mind in that topic Joel mentioned. “Can you fuck?” You question, crossing your arms. Joel’s chuckle sent chills picking at your “tough-guy” demeanor. That nervous feeling rose, making you worried about his answer. “If I tell you the truth, will you mind?”

Reflexically shaking your head, you waited for Joel’s answer. “Yes, doll. I can.” Without thinking, you asked Joel. “How?” Joel answered by pointing at you. “You’ve done some pretty interesting things, doll.” 

Moving your head as you eye roll at the “man” before you. “I’m scared to ask, but–”

“You’re interested if I had fucked anythin’?” 

“Honestly? Yeah.” You don’t know how to feel about Joel’s confession. On the one hand, you were intrigued by what Joel had done; on the other hand, it made you feel like you were stepping into a zone you weren’t comfortable with entering. “Wow, my old toy, fucking other toys? I’m guessing.” 

Joel chuckles. “Y’know your sister’s Barbie doll? Fucked her, Ken watched.”

A grimace appeared on your face as Joel's sudden statement made you feel like the cold rushed in from your bedroom. “Wow,” you started. “Wait, Barbie and Ken can become real, like you?” Joel nodded at your answer.

“Huh, well. You learn something new every day.” 

“Blame yourself, doll. I learned everything from you.”

Confusion rode your face, trying to act innocent like you had no reason behind Joel’s actions. “What do you mean?” You shrug.

Joel stands up, his hands draped by the stitched pockets of his jeans, his boots slowly connecting with the hardwood floors, causing you to walk backward at your leisurely pace. You and Joel were working in tandem—with each step he took, you took a step back. You felt slightly intimidated. In the back of your head, you never thought you would feel unnerved by a toy—a toy you never would’ve expected to come to life. 

That rush of cold flew through your back when you connected with the side of your closet, bringing your hands to the wall; that cold sensation connected with your hand. Joel’s looming figure had been present before you, his hand outstretched beside your head. Joel slowly moves his head toward your head; you feel his warm breath against you, causing your spine to chill — mentally blaming the wall. 

“C’mon, doll. You know exactly what I mean.” Joel’s voice made your breath hitch as you felt his mustache tickle against your neck. “I know what you want, your likes, know what you like to be called,” You feel Joel’s realistic fingers on your chin as he picks your head up to look into his eyes; you watch as he backs up from your ear. 

His soft but calloused hand was on your chin, slowly dragging his hand against the fabric of your shirt as you watched the wrinkles in your shirt flatten under the path his hand was sliding down your torso. You watched as the wrinkles disappeared, only to reaper after Joel’s hand moved from its position. Joel’s hand was slow but not too slow, like a snail’s pace, slow to the point where you felt each goosebump underneath his hand — under your shirt.

Joel’s hand had stopped on your waist, while his other hand was above your head as he leaned closer to your eyes. Bracing for the impact of Joel’s lips on yours, you close your eyes. 

The feeling of plump, soft lips against yours sent shivers traveling down your spine as you felt the grip on your waist was getting tighter — rougher. Your hands travel from the wall into Joel’s soft curls. You wanted Joel in the moment; you craved him — yearned for him. Memories of you dreaming of kissing Joel had finally come true; you didn't expect the kiss to feel so passionate, an end-of-the-world kiss — one that stopped the world from spinning.

The feeling of silk had flown through your fingers as you contorted your hands with Joel’s hair. Joel’s hands slid from your waist onto your ass — squeezing lightly, you gasped against his lips. 

Your heart skipping a beat seemed impossible, but Joel’s kisses begged to differ. Your hands slipped from Joel’s hair onto his face, and you felt his defined jawline and patchy beard; you felt soft but coarse underneath your palms, which was something you couldn’t imagine. Reminiscent of when your fingertips would travel against the painted beard, always wondering what it looked/felt like, at this moment, you can. 

Joel’s big hands leave an imprint on your ass; slowly, his hands start sliding down toward your inner thigh, bending his back closer to you so the connection of your lips doesn't break. “Jump,” Joel grumbles against your lips. You push your feet off the ground as Joel’s strength lifts you, chuckling against his lips, wrapping your legs around Joel’s waist; you feel his hands under your thighs, gripping into you with passion; you think his nails may leave crescent moons into your skin. 

Cold drywall leaves your back as Joel slowly turns you both around so your bed can face your back. With each step, your and Joel’s noses keep bumping into each other as your faces keep moving side to side from your passionate kiss. Joel’s mouth leaves yours as his lips trail down your jawline, lightly sucking. Your hands return to Joel's hair as his lips end on your neck.  

Lips on your neck, sucking, biting, Joel marking you with his lips, your moans kept escaping your lips as your fingers flowed through Joel’s hair like water. “Y’like that, baby?” Joel growled. You hiss through your teeth before answering. “Fuck, yes. I love it, Joel.”

Quickly turning his body, Joel sits on the edge of your bed. Your knees indent your mattress as you feel sitting down. His lips return to yours as Joel wraps his arms against the midsection of your back, melting your bodies together. Your hands make their way from Joel’s head onto his broad shoulders. Thinking the flannel was warming his skin, you wanted to get rid of it. 

Backing slightly away, you slip your hands down his hardened chest; you start to fumble with the first button. Quickly unbuttoning the first one, you were on your way to the next one; Joel took notice of your hands and broke the kiss to look at what you were doing. “What are ya doing, doll?”

“Trying to get this flannel off you,” You grumble, popping the second button off. 

“Lemme help.” 

Joel moves his arms from your waist onto his flannel, smiling at you as you watch him pop the buttons out the loops. You watch as your childhood crush takes off his flannel and throws it over your shoulder, chest hair littering his chest. You slowly bring your hand onto his chest—above where his heart should be — but you don't feel a bump vibrate against your hand. You remember that Joel isn't human, which somewhat shatters your heart. 

Joel notices your saddened eyes; he places his hand over yours and looks deep into your eyes, his brown eyes piercing into your soul. “J’so ya know, I may not have a heart, but my love f’you is more important than anything else in this goddamn world. You're one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.”

“I don't want to live in a world where I don't see your smile every day; it's a reminder t’myself that no matter what, my love for you is the most real thing for me.”

You smirk at Joel’s confession, quickly smashing your lips against his. The tears brimming your tear ducts, trickling down from your eyes, wiping your eyes as you back up and look at Joel. “You are such a softie, you know that?”

“Only for you, sweetheart.” Joel quickly pushed his lips against yours, wrapping his arms around your midsection and moving your arms around his neck. 

Feeling Joel’s smile against your lips, you're quickly surprised when you feel Joel stand up and, in one motion, spin you both around so your back is on your mattress. You can’t help but smile gleefully as he backs up from you — sliding your shirt up and planting kisses trailing from your chest to your navel. His thick fingers grab the waistband of your pants as he slides them down. “Lift your hips, doll.” You do as Joel commands; he slides your pants off your thighs and throws them in the corner where your hamper used to reside, leaving your underwear on, your cock hard and covered by your underwear. 

“Look a’that, y’hard f’me already, doll?” You chuckle at Joel; you gasp as you feel his lips press the tip of your hard-covered cock. With each kiss brought against the tip and the shaft of your cock, it feels like heaven to you, bringing you absolute bliss against your skin. You get your foot against Joel’s shoulder as your other one hangs off the edge of the bed, arching your back in pleasure as Joel’s mouth moves down your thigh. 

Joel looks up at you and smiles as he kisses your leg. Noticing the wet spot appears on your underwear. Pre-cum slowly escaping the slit of your cock. “Let’s get these underwear off you.” You didn't need Joel to tell you to lift your hips reflectively. You lifted your pelvis, and he slid the underwear off you. Your hard throbbing cock slaps against your navel, a line of pre-cum connects with your stomach. “God, you’re s’fuckin’ perfect, baby.” 

Standing up from his position, he softly presses his lips against yours, bringing his hand into the bend of your knee, his other hand holding the side of your face. Joel’s tongue licked your bottom lip, awaiting your mouth to open. Slightly parting your lips, Joel slips his tongue into your mouth, causing you to smile at Joel’s eagerness. 

“How do you feel?” Joel questions against your lips.

“Fan-fuckin-tastic.” You answer, bearing your teeth. “How about I make you feel even fuckin’ better.” Joel’s question came out as a statement, causing you to question his meaning. Without warning, Joel backs up from your face and laps his tongue on the shaft of your cock, making a moan escape from your mouth, sliding his tongue slowly up the head of your cock, moans escaping your mouth. “F-fuck, Joel,” You breathe. 

“Y’like that, baby?” 

You breathe out an answer as Joel starts playing the slit of your cock with his tongue. “Yes.” 

“Makin’ sure that you deserve somethin’. You’re too precious to be mistreated.”

Joel must've heard all the times you would complain to your best friend about how one guy seemed great but lacked something when it came to sex. Joel was showing what you’ve been craving for a guy to reciprocate when you pleasured them, but he wasn't expecting anything back; he was just glad to pleasure his boy first. 

Wrapping his mouth slowly around the tip of your cock, Joel slowly goes down the shaft of your length, causing you to moan and white knuckle your sheets as you throw your head back — arching your back and snapping your eyes shut in pleasure. 

His pace was slow but patient. Joel wanted to make you feel something you rarely experienced — over the moon. Wrapping his hands around the shaft of your cock, his fingers would let go for a moment before wrapping.

Dragging your fingers into Joel’s curls, you slowly push his head down, hoping he could speed up. “Fuck, Joel. Can you go faster, please?”

“I can do ya one better, doll.”

As Joel’s mouth felt warm around your cock, he started to go faster as you gasped in pleasure; you felt Joel’s hand slide from your thigh as he slowly began to tease your hole. The skin of your taint felt sensitive with each stroke of Joel’s finger teasing you; each swipe, each light prodding made your body shiver in anticipation. Your cock has never been in overdrive as much as this — Joel was slowly rising you towards your peak. Your cock twitches in Joel’s mouth showing the throbbing pain that was threatening to shoot out. 

Slowly and agonizing, Joel slides his mouth off your cock, swallowing his spit; Joel wipes the reminder off his lips with the back of his hand, glances at you, and chuckles as Joel strokes your cock. “Y’close, doll?”

“Yes,” You whimper. “So fuckin’ close. It hurts so much. Can I cum yet, Joel?”

A chuckle left his throat, a sly smirk appearing on his face as he stared at you. Joel stops pumping your cock — landing on your stomach, precum leaking from the slit. “Not yet, doll. We haven't had our fun yet.”

Lifting your legs, Joel slides his head down deeper in between your thighs. He laps his tongue against your aching hole; a shaky moan escapes your lips as you hold your legs up so Joel can get better access to your hole. His hands are planted on your inner thighs as he keeps his tongue against your taint. 

Joel’s tongue felt like magic against you, showing you things you’ve never felt before — things you’ve only imagined happening. His tongue sliding up and down, in and out of your hole, made you want to cum by how much Joel was treating you. 

His plump lips planting kisses against your taint made your toes curl — the bones could pop out, your nails digging into the skin of your thighs, your moans escaping from you with each movement of Joel’s lips and tongue was giving you pleasure. 

That sensation of something feeling pushed inside you came rushing in as you let go of one of your thighs, gripped the sheets below you, and threatened to rip them up. You look down at Joel, looking up at you with a smirk on his face; you notice what is being pushed inside you; Joel’s thick middle finger has taken a turn to please you. 

“Y’like that, don’t you, baby?”

“Mhmm,” You whimper, throwing your head back, closing your eyes, and biting your lip. 

“I told ya, I know what you like, basically what you’ve been yearnin’ for.” 

“But, you gotta let me know if it’s too much for you, baby. I can't read minds yet.”

“It’s it too much?” Joel questioned.

You shake your head to deny Joel’s question. “It’s just right, it’s so fuckin’ right,” You grit your teeth. 

Sliding another finger in, Joel’s pace had gone faster. You knew Joel was trying to test your limit; you never knew your limit; you were glad to try to figure it out with someone you trusted. 

“Look at that; your hole wraps around m’fingers; it keeps sucking me in no matter how hard I try to pull out.”

Sudden movements from your hips as you kept raising your hips and bringing them back down. Gritting your teeth, tiny whimpers left through your teeth. Pleasure flowed through your entire body — a new goal you never knew you could reach.

Joel would never admit this, but him being the reason whimpers were leaving your mouth, you squirming because of his fingers and mouth, he was fucking over the moon to be the first person ever to make you feel this way. 

“J-Joel?” You breathed.

“Yeah, doll?”

“Can I please suck your cock?” 

Joel was conflicted by your question; all he wanted to do was make you feel good, he wasn’t expecting anything in return, but he wanted to know what that perfect mouth of yours felt around his cock. 

Slipping his fingers outside your hole, aching for more, Joel smirks at you and opens his mouth to speak. “Yes, you can, doll.” As you sit up, you notice the length that resided in his jeans; your eyes almost pop from their sockets from what you have just seen. You’d never seen anything that big in porn, yes, but never in real life. 

Noticing your astonishment, Joel looked at his jeans and then back up at you. “Is this size good enough, sweetheart?” You nod your head. Sliding your back against the mattress, you slid so your knees hit the wood below you. Watching the eagerness flood Joel’s eyes made you feel that excitement swimming in your stomach. The button of his jeans popped above you, and hearing the zipper going down, you watched as Joel’s cock popped out from its restraints.

Joel’s throbbing cock bounced in front of you, precum leaking from the slit of Joel’s cock. In your eyes, Joel’s cock looked more realistic than plastic. You wouldn’t lie; you were a curious kid; you had removed Joel’s clothes before and only noticed a blob on where his dick was now. The veins traveled up the shaft of his cock, stopping at the mushroom tip of his cock. The happy trail from Joel’s tummy showed up his pubic hair that rested above the shaft of his cock. Your mouth went dry in anticipation. It was the first you had seen a dick this big and thick before and so close to your face. 

“You alright, doll?”

Shooting your eyes up at Joel, you can tell a bit of worry on his face. “Yeah, I-I’m fine. Just never seen a dick this big before,” You admitted. Bending down so his face is in front of you, softly placing his hand against your cheek in reassurance. “We can take it slow if you want to.” You nodded at Joel’s words as he planted his lips against your forehead and stood straight. Dragging Joel’s jeans down as your knuckles brushed up against the hair on Joel’s thighs, gravity stopping Joel’s jeans when they stop at his ankles, your hand wraps the shaft of his cock. You slowly wrap your lips around the tip of Joel’s cock, and you hear him exhale in pleasure. 

Slowly pushing your head down the shaft of Joel’s cock, lips wrapped tight, you feel the veins trace the skin of your lips as the head of Joel’s cock press into the back of your throat. A groan of pleasure escapes Joel’s lips as you back your head up. You push your head forward and back leisurely, and you can tell the pace makes Joel go crazy. His member in your mouth kept throbbing against the roof of your mouth. Suddenly, your pace went a little faster; you looked up and noticed Joel’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, his hands were in tight fists, his knuckles threatening to pop out from his hand. The taste of salt fell upon your tongue as you backed your head up from Joel’s cock. A line of spit mixed with precum connecting from your mouth to the tip of Joel’s cock was made apparent, eventually dropping onto the ground below you as you wrapped your hand around Joel’s cock and started pumping his shaft.

The moans escaping Joel’s lips were music to your ears as your moans were to Joel. “Fuck, baby. Y’so good at that. Those boys are so fuckin’ stupid.” His southern drawl causes summersaults in your stomach. Sliding your mouth back onto Joel’s cock, a deep moan escapes his lips as your lips were at a quick pace, your hands planted on Joel’s thighs, the hair on his thighs pressed up against your hand as the tip of Joel’s cock kept hitting the back of your throat.

Moans, grunts, whines, and whimpers were all escaping from Joel’s lips, his hands holding onto your head as his hips humped into your head, his cock pressing deeper – causing you to gag a couple of times. Your nose kept poking into where Joel’s pubic hair rested; the scent was intoxicating, causing your cock to leak with precum below you. 

Suddenly, Joel held your head – your throat grasping around his cock, causing you to gag more. Slobber escaping your mouth as with each inhale through your nose – resting on Joel’s hairy patch made it impossible to exhale without gagging. Your palms were getting sweaty against Joel’s meaty thighs, the hair on his legs feeling nonexistent against your slippery hands.

His hands slide your head back, and lines of spit connect from his cock to your top and bottom lips. Deep inhales and exhales leave your body as you watch Joel slightly shudder. His cock glistened in your spit, throbbing. Sweat littered Joel’s hairy chest and forehead; you swallowed the spit in the back of your throat from your excessive breathing. Your forehead felt heavy with sweat as you looked up at Joel; he slid his hand up his forehead, pushing the curls that had stuck to his forehead. “Fuck, sorry, baby. Y’mouth is so fuckin’ addictin’.” 

“Don’t think I’m finished with you yet, Joel,” You spoke, disregarding his apology. Quickly eager to show Joel what you meant, you pick up his cock and slide your tongue on the underside of Joel’s shaft. Lapping your tongue against his veins, you could hear Joel praise you from above. “So fuckin’ perfect, who wouldn’t want to treat you right?”

Bringing your tongue slowly down to make Joel squirm, you feel his body Joel a little bit as you are still holding his cock in your hand; you place your mouth around his ball sack and lightly suck on one of them. “OH, FUCK!” Joel groaned. Joel’s body felt like jelly – incapable of holding himself up; Joel hadn’t felt this level of pleasure before, from anything he’s ever fucked before. “You like that, baby?” You asked. “Yes,” Joel gritted his teeth. “God, I love it s’much.” Backing your mouth up, you stroke Joel’s cock and watch Joel hold his head back and moans escaping his lips. Bending down, Joel places his hands between the fold of your armpits and picks you up from your knees. 

Planting his lips against yours, the kiss you shared between the two of you felt hungry, Lips mashing against each other, teeth clashing against each other. Joel’s arms holding you tightly against his torso. Joel was fucking starving for you as his lips were latching against your cheeks, jawline, against the skin of your neck. That feeling of Joel’s teeth against your neck made you know Joel was marking you as his. Your nails drag against Joel’s soft curls as you enjoy Joel’s mouth, bringing his head up back against your lips. Sweat from Joel’s chest was seeping through your shirt. You wanted to take it off to feel Joel’s skin against yours. Backing your head away from Joel’s, his head following suit as he watches you attempt to take your shirt off.

Holding the hem of your shirt, Joel helps you slide your shirt off your head, wrapping your arms around Joel’s neck, him wrapping his arms against your lower back. The warmth of each other’s bodies radiated against each other. Your cocks rubbed against each other; the warmth you both shared was hot enough to blow the roof off your bedroom. This experience felt surreal, like a dream you didn’t want to wake up from. 

Backing his head away from your lips, you notice a look of dominance in Joel’s eyes, which darken as he opens his mouth to speak. “Get on that bed, so I can fuck you the way you, a good boy like you should be fucked.”

“But, what if I’ve been a bad boy?” You tease. 

Leaning his head toward your ear. “Then I’ll have to punish you.”

“Get on that fuckin’ bed,” Joel commanded. You listened to Joel, letting your arms go from around his neck, your knees bent on the bed, as you pushed yourself to land your head where your pillow rested, your back collided with the soft cloud-like material. You watched Joel climb on the bed, stopping as he was positioned right between your legs. “Put your leg on my shoulder.”

Compiling to what Joel commanded, your ankle rested on Joel’s broad shoulder. A line of spit leaves Joel’s mouth and connects to the tip of his cock, rubbing the spit to lube up his cock. Slowly leaning over you, one next to your head, fingers spread apart. Joel moves his hand from the tip to his shaft as he starts to tease you – making you shudder in anticipation. 

Moving his cock to poke your hole makes you yearn for him every slight push into you. Hisses escaped your gritted teeth as you craved to feel good. “Joel, can you please fuck me?”

“Nuh uh, bad boys don’t get to beg,” Joel grinned.

Joel had let go of his length and placed his other hand next to the other side of your head. His hips were grinding into you, making you gasp and make your spine chill. Joel’s cock kept rubbing up against your sensitive tip, making you physically shudder and making your cock feel like it was about to burst. “I can tell how much you love this. M’cock grinding up against yours before I get you pregnant.” Your breath hitched as Joel’s voice made you want him more – you’ve never wanted anyone this bad before. 

“Joel, please. I need you.”

“How bad do you need me, sweetheart?” Joel growled into your ear. 

“So fuckin’ much, it's unbearable.”

“Well then, are you going to be my good boy?’

Nodding your head, you shut your eyes and licked your lips in anticipation. You notice that your ankle comes off Joel’s shoulder and collides with the mattress. You feel his lips press against yours briefly as you open your eyes and see Joel’s brown orbs looking into yours before he opens his mouth to speak. “Well, I can’t keep my good boy waitin’.” Looking in between your bodies, Joel adjusts his cock; you feel it press into you for a split second. He looks back up to you, “You ready, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, I am,” You answer. 

Joel slowly pushes in, and you feel the tip agonizingly stretch you out. Your moans rattle the walls next to you both. “Does it hurt, baby?” You shake your head, denying Joel’s question. His shaft is halfway in before he pulls out fast. You gasp before breathing heavily. “Damn, baby. Y’so fuckin’ tight,” Joel commented. Once again, Joel slides his cock into you, making your moans more intense than before. Halfway in, Joel rocks his hips back and forth slowly into you. Your eyes snapped shut intensely, straining your eyelids. The pain was starting to feel good, too good.

“Is this okay, baby?”

Opening your eyes, you notice the concern in Joel’s eyes. He looked so sweet, caring, and compassionate; you’ve always seen him like that growing up. “Yes, Joel. It’s okay,” You smile. Leaning down to kiss you, Joel’s hips still rocking into your hole, moans exiting your mouth and entering Joel’s. Feeling Joel slowly stretch you out felt indescribable; it felt good, but you did want Joel to go faster. “Joel,” You moan against Joel’s mouth. “Yes, baby?” 

Joel backs up to hear you properly. Before you could get a word out to Joel, one push further in, and you feel the base of Joel’s cock clap into you, which echoes throughout the room. Joel realizes what this means; a sly grin appears on Joel’s lips. “Hold that thought, doll,” Joel commanded.

His pace was faster and rougher. Claps rang throughout the room with each thrust, like an audience applauding at the end of a play. Your hands gripped the sheets or ran your hand down Joel’s back while Joel had his hand on the headboard. It felt like Joel had read your mind at that moment, knowing that you wanted more and that he would give it to you. “I can tell y’wanted this before you even said it, baby. Could hear ya screamin’ at me to fuck you harder.’

“Y’wanted this, didn’t ya?” Joel grunted. 

“God, yes, Joel. I’ve wanted something like this for so long, begging for it. This feels fucking amazing.”

“I’can say the same about this boy pussy of yours, grippin’ onto me so tight, it doesn’t want to let go, and I don’t think I want it to.” You bring your hands up to Joel’s back and dig your nails into his sleek skin; an exhale leaves Joel’s mouth as the pain settles in, but it subsides. 

“Mark me, baby. Make me yours.” 

Your nails drag down Joel’s back until you reach the small of Joel’s back. Joel bows his head, grabs your chin, and smashes his lips against yours, but his thrusts stop. You don’t feel anything warm inside you, so you know he didn’t cum. Wrapping your arms around his neck, Joel lifts you for a second so you can get up from the sheets below you. Noticing Joel starts to lay himself down, you quickly move your hands on the mattress to keep yourself from crashing into Joel. You still feel Joel’s cock inside you as his hips start to lift up and down. 

That time when you complained about only being in one position with a guy, Joel did hear you and was giving you something you wanted. 

“Sorry for the sudden stop, wanted to fuck you more.”

Backing your head up, you watched as Joel bore his teeth and started to fuck you senselessly. Wrapping his arms tight around your lower back. Your nails dug into the soft material under your sweaty palms; you could feel the fibers begin to tear a bit. “You like this, don’t ya, baby? Being fucked like the sluts I’ve seen you watch on your phone.”

“Craving to be them, wanting someone to fuck you till you can’t feel your legs no more, huh?”

“Yes.” You whined. 

“Wantin’ someone as strong and big as those guys you watch to be able to fill your sweet, tight, boy pussy with hot cum.”

Nodding your head. “Mhmm.”

“Well, I’m here. I’m gonna satisfy your needs, your aches, your cravings for you to be filled with cum. If anyone else tries. I’ll gladly show them who can treat you better and fuck you in front of them, understood, baby.”

“Mhmm.” 

Joel’s hand connects with your ass, a hard smack against it; a cry leaves your mouth. “I need a fuckin’ yes, boy.”

“Yes, Joel, yes.” You whined.

You felt something move from inside you. You see, Joel looks to wear your cock, but he’s looking in between you both. “You feel my cock twitchin’ inside you, doll? You want me to cum inside you?”  “Yes,” You quickly answer and nod. “You’re leakin’ all over my stomach, baby; you wanna cum too?” 

You whimper out an answer. “Then, I better give my boy what he wants.”

Joel slides his cock out of you and lays you on your stomach as he comes up from behind you and slowly teases you. You feel his cock glide between the bends of your ass cheeks, feelings his balls press into them. “Damn, your ass is achin’ f’me right now. I will give you what you deserve, boy.” 

That feeling of being stretched out came back as you rested your forehead on the bed. Joel’s hands dug into your skin; each push of his length made your moans push out of you more. It was like your body was in heat — Joel’s heat. He was an animal in heat when it came to you. Nodding your head, you felt Joel’s hand on your throat and his lips against your ear — his mustache tickling it. “I’m so –thrust–  close to – cummin’ inside this tight ass of yours, baby. Do you want my cum to swim inside you?”

“Yes, Joel. I fuckin’ do.” 

“Then let me give you what you deserve.” Backing his head up, Joel dug into your skin like he was kneading dough; his thrusts were rough, almost splitting you in half. You could feel his cock throb inside you as you felt your shaft pulsating. You knew you were about to cum. “Fuck, I can’t get enough of you, baby. I don’t wanna stop after I cum in you.” “Joel, I’m so close. Keep going.”

“Fuck,” Joel growled. “I love it when you beg like that.”

His pace was going faster, and it felt the tip of your cock felt like it was going to explode with your cum. “Fuck, Joel. I’m gonna cum.” 

“Fuck, baby. Me too.’

“Here it comes,” Joel gritted his teeth. 

With one final push, you feel your cum shoot out onto the sheets below you, and you also feel Joel’s cum swim inside you. Light breaths are escaping both of you as you feel Joel slide his cock out of you; a squelching sound is heard as Joel’s cock finally dislodges from your hole. A sigh of relief exits Joel’s mouth as he connects his back to the bed. Turning your neck, you see Joel — soft cock against his stomach as you see his chest dip and rise from the breaths he’s taking.

Picking yourself up from your position, you lay down next to Joel, your head resting on his sweaty, hairy chest. Joel’s arm wraps around you as he pulls you closer to him. 

“So, was that everything you’ve ever wanted?” Joel questioned. 

Nodding your head against his chest. “Yeah, and better than what I could imagine.”

Joel chuckles at your statement, and you join him. Once the laughter dies down, a realization hits him like a bag of bricks. “Y’know, for a moment, I forgot that you’re running off to college without me. Followin’ those dreams and gettin’ your degree.”

“Joel,” You start.

“Havin’ a life, a career, findin’ someone who will love you as much as I do.”

“Joel,” You repeat. 

“Havin’ kids of your own, playin’ with their own action figures or dolls, and I’ll be at the bottom of some —”

“JOEL.” 

Joel jumped at your sudden outburst; he was looking at you instead of the ceiling. He saw you staring at him; he felt frightened but safe simultaneously. You suddenly straddle his lap, his hands on your waist, molding his hands onto you. “You’re coming with me to college.” 

“W-what?” Joel smiled. “When did you come to that decision?” 

“When you gave the most beautiful profession of love when I was on your lap, it made me realize something.” Joel awaited your realization, but he couldn’t lie; you sitting naked on his lap like that, faces inches away from each other, he was starting to get horny again. “I know you can never be real, but that’s okay; it sucks that we won’t grow old together, but you’ll always be there for me, and if I do meet someone, you’ll always be the first person I’ve ever loved, Joel.”

A smile appeared on Joel’s face; you couldn’t tell if sweat or a tear was falling from Joel’s eye when he quickly rolled you on your back and was inches away from you. His smell was intoxicating; the sweat mixed with lust made your cock twitch like crazy. “You’re such a softie, y’know that?” Joel quoted. 

“Only for you, sweetheart,” You quoted. 

“Now, how do you feel about one more round?” Joel questioned. 

“Well, everyone will be out for a while.”

“Should I take my time?”

“Joel, fuckin’ show me a good time.” 

“Okay, my good boy, lemme show you a good time,” Joel states, kissing your lips. Feeling the love from Joel’s kisses, you realize you didn’t need anyone to love you as much as Joel did, and you were fine with that. You didn’t care that he wasn’t real; he felt he was real to you, and that’s all you need.

[opiopal]

(I found this old draft from like, early December! I remember it was a practice at writing dialogue and a bit of angst? I just remember sitting in an art class and typing it out lol, But I decided to clean it up a bit and post! Since I haven’t been posting often and I have about 60 drafts lined up, lowkey I can’t tell if it’s any good or not, since idk if my skills have grown since my wattpad days. I would’ve fully rewritten it, but I knew it would’ve been a pain so I just spell checked and replaced a few sentences.)

•

•

(First scene takes place before lesson 16, second scene is during lesson 16. Also this is just a thing I thought of a while ago)

•CW: description of blood and dead body at the end.•

Mc has been staring at him for a while, hugging onto one of their pillows tightly, completely lost in thought. Mammon had brought them an extra cup of noddles, they had both just gotten back from RAD a while ago so they were reasonably hungry, and he apparently made two “by mistake” and just didn’t wanna waste it.(Mc thought it was a dumb excuse, but didn’t want to mention it and just accepted the food.) Though Mc had finished theirs a while ago, mammon was taking his sweet time, awkwardly staring down at the floor and occasionally flicking his eyes over at the human sitting no less then four feet away from him. It doesn’t cross their mind that he may be acting so awkward due to the fact that they have just been staring at him for the last ten minutes, but how could they really tell? Ever since they had made a pact with him, he’d been so awkward that it made levi look like an extrovert. As the seconds go by he wonders if he should question them, maybe there’s something wrong with them?? Why else would they be staring?? Or maybe there’s something on his face? Is his hair a mess? Is his shirt wrinkled? Why in the three realms won’t they just look away???

“do you like me?”

as they finally break the silence mammon chokes a bit, he coughs as his cheeks almost immediately get red,

“H-wh- I- What?!” “do you like me?” They asked it so casually, as if they were asking him if it were going to rain soon.

“O-of course I don’t!”

“then why do you hang around me?”

“because I HAVE to!”

“even at home?”

“yes!”

“how come?” They set their pillow to the side as they stare at him, he stammers

“I- well- because.. it’s… dangerous for you to be alone!”

Mc tilts their head slightly and furrows their brows, ”do you think your brothers would be a danger to me? Am I not safe here?”

“NO! I mean- uhm- obviously you’re safe here, I just.. you know I need to watch you!”

“but if I’m safe.. then why would you need to?”

“well-“ he pauses, his face somehow gets redder,

Mc smiles and scoots closer to him,

“you wanna know what I think?”

he side eyes them as they slowly start to smile,

“I think we’re friends,”

“PFFTT WHAAAT! NO! No. No we aren’t.”

“I think we are!”

“No” ”yes,” ”no-“ ”yes!” ”no!”

“Then I’ll ask again, How come you hang out with me?”

“I-“ as he pauses again to try and think of an excuse that wouldn’t cause anxiety or worry, he doesn’t want them to believe his brothers would hurt them- but he doesn’t want them to know the painfully obvious truth!!!! mc grins and wraps their arms around one of his,

“we’re frriendss~” they say in a sing songy voice, pressing their cheek against his shoulder. at this point he was so flushed you’d assume someone had came in and slathered red paint all other his face.

a bit of frustration creeps in as he yanks his arm from their grasp, and pulls them in for a tight hug as he avoids eye contact with them. If he can’t deny it, he might as well own it.. right??

“Well. I guess you WOULD want to be friends with the great mammon! It’s only natural!!”

a little surprised, mc giggles and wraps their arms around his torso in return,

“oh yeah, that’s totally it.”

“A- hey! Don’t be gettin all sarcastic!”

They turn their head to look up at him, at this point nearly laying in his lap. They stop giggling for a moment to smile at his face red face, they didn’t really mean to tease him, but he didn’t seem to be taking it to harshly. though still they apologize,

“I’m sorry, you’re right. Though you are a pretty good friend.”

“… really?”

his response surprises the both of them for a second, honestly he didn’t mean to say it, that was just an inside thought that managed to sneak out. He adjusts his arm to support the back of their head as he stares down at them.

“yeah, of course, I think you’re amazing mammon… and you’re doing a fantastic job… keeping me safe, that is.”

• •

That moment almost immediately enters his mind as he stares down at them, pulling their body closer into his chest as their blood slowly begins to soak his arms and lap.

he wasn’t doing a fantastic job. He didn’t. He hasn’t. Why would he let this happen? HOW could he let this happen? He’s holding his human, his mc, as his youngest brother laughs.

He can’t look away, his mind re-memorizing their face, their eyes looked straight ahead with no sign of life, unblinking. He cups their face, shaking them gently, wanting them to do something, anything. To laugh at him being so worried, to make a comment about all the commotion, to mumble something about Lucifer, to blink, to BREATHE, To do ANYTHING. he could feel their warmth fading away, they were so cold. They didn’t deserve to be cold.

His brain was so clouded that he hardly took notice of the door being opened and his brothers arguing coming to a stop, his head finally jerking up when someone spoke their name.

[steamberrystudio]

2024 wrap-up and 2025 plans

It's been a really weird year for me and the last few months have been particularly challenging - so much so that I can't really remember much of the start of the year. There's been a lot that has happened and yet it feels like almost nothing has happened.

With a personal move in the works at the moment, and lots of lists and packing and cleaning, the last couple of weeks have felt like a blur of limbo as well.

But rather than just complaining let's jump into the wrap up and plans for 2025.

2024 Progress Wrap up

When looking back over a year of visual novel development, it can be really easy to forget progress and victories because it all smears together into an indistinct timeline.

You know stuff happened but you lose sight of the details of that stuff.

Even while writing this last night, I forgot that A Faerie's Tale was something completed and released this year. I remembered it just now while doing a final proofread of this post.

Development is such a long and repetitive process that you forget all the individual steps it took to get where you are. When I look back over 2024, I admit I feel like I somehow didn't do that much...that time slipped away while I did very little actual work.  

And of course, that isn't true. (Or is it?? Self-doubt assures me that I didn't do anything noteworthy this year.)

When Stars Collide

At the start of 2024, When Stars Collide sat at 485,000 words. I was finishing up editing Asher's route but had portions of the other routes to draft. The UI was still the old design, most of the backgrounds were incomplete and none of the additional features like the flowcharts and affinity meters were set up.  

I wanted to release an updated demo and the more new people told me they were playing the demo, the more I died inside because it was not at all reflective of the project any more. But I was missing critical backgrounds that I actually got only a few weeks before Episode 1 went to beta.

The point is that back at the start of 2024 the game was still very unfinished but I had big plans. My goal was originally to start releasing episodes in June of 2024 but editing and coding just took so much longer than expected that it just wasn't possible.

From a writing perspective, I learned that drafting and editing a game in this overlapping route style was hard. It was just genuinely so much more difficult than the separate route structure I'm used to. It really requires different processes and styles of planning than what I've done in the past. The burden of meticulously matching a timeline of events across 6 routes simultaneously is really tricky with the way I write and form the choices in my games.  

You kind of have to either never refer back to anything that happens within a choice scenario or you have to remember and track a lot of variables and conversations and events. Additionally, writing one plot line from multiple relationship perspectives is actually quite tricky. Things have to align in very specific ways but you also kind of want to make sure that each play through is interesting. You don't want the conversations within the LI-specific content to be identical but they have to be similar enough you can manage the difference with a few key variables.  

I honestly found it a really exhausting way to write. There's so much less complexity and so much more freedom when you are writing separate routes. And for that reason, the writing took a lot longer than I am used to.

One day I want to write up all my thoughts on route structure in visual novels but I haven't had time yet.

Ultimately I drafted about 172,000 words this year. The total word count of the game before I coded it was around 657,000 words - plus an additional 8-10k or so of bonus content. Of course, that shrinks when I code it but that was the total uncoded word count. So that is quite a jump from the 485,000 words I started with this year.  

I always say that working on VNs really skews your view of what "a lot" of words is. To me, as weird as it is to say, 180k doesn't feel like that much writing, which is silly because it's like writing two YA novels.   

But between the end of the Kickstarter for Gilded Shadows and the end of that year, I think I wrote about 250,000 words. That's 70,000 more words but in less time. I think it just shows how much more difficult writing WSC has been due to the structure of the routes.  

I remember having a conversation with someone once where she told me that writing a game like Gilded Shadows is *definitely* harder and more work than writing a game like When Stars Collide. GS has multiple plots and a lot more words. In WSC, the routes share a plot, they share scenes and content, there's only one plot line and there are far fewer words.  

I think it really underestimates the simplicity buff and the freedom buff that you get from having a single separate route in its own space time where you don't have to care as heavily about continuity across routes or a shared timeline of events or all of this other stuff that was such a burden to me when writing overlapping routes.  

I maintain that I'm really glad I wrote When Stars Collide the way I did. I learned so much about game structure and choices and all this mechanical stuff about how visual novels work that I'd never really had to think about for. It was really, really enlightening.  

But I will never do this game structure again. Lemme just say that.  

Drafting aside, I had to also edit all that writing which was its own special layer of hell.  

And then the art. The art has been enjoyable. I really love this game's aesthetic and the character designs. And the characters. I really enjoy them all so much. They are the most adorable crew of nerdy gremlins out there.  

But the art has had is own challenges. I've done about 20 CGs for the game so far and a lot of them are easy enough but the colour slider MC is definitely a bit of a challenge for the CGs. With GS where I recoloured by hand, there were times that I had to slightly tweak Morgan's default colours to look good in CGs. For instance, one of her skin tones looked quite odd next to Magnus, who is very pink. And I had to just slightly tweak that skin tone in his CGs so they looked okay together side by side. It was easy to test that sort of thing before the CG even got into the game.

But I colour Wil in greyscale and I don't see them in colour until I test. And each colour available on the slider is represented by a number. And there are essentially 100 of them. So testing all of those isn't really viable. I do test multiple skin tones from my saves. But in some ways it's more cumbersome to make sure all of that looks good.  

Wil also has 8 hairstyles…in two colours (which are recoloured manually because a couple of the hairstyles just don't really looks as good recoloured automatically (it's my art, not the dynamic colour slider tool).  

It's a lot of work. Hair 5 usually puts my hand out of commission for the rest of the day (so I save it for last. Ha ha). I don't regret it and again, it's something I wanted to to do as an experiment. I knew that 5 hairstyles was probably manageable and 8 was definitely pushing and I was right so no hard lessons really learned there.  It's sometimes valuable experience to push yourself right to that line and really see where the division between "feasible" and "too much" really is. Because then it's no longer hypothetical. You know where the line is.  

A lot of how WSC is set up was me testing if the line was where I thought it was.

Beyond the art, I also got all the other new features set up and experimented with a few things I hadn't been planning on. Many of those features had the core elements set up and coded by wonderful programmer friends and colleagues (Feniks and Windchimes and Jeneara) but I still had to implement all those things in the code to make them function as part of the game.  

Which, for things like the flowcharts - is time consuming. Flowcharts are like that.  

The flowcharts in WSC use a different method than the ones in GS. It's a brand new tool and I'm still learning how to use it but there are also some kinks that rear their heads (not those kind, you guys! The annoying kind that break the game!)  

I think the feature most people are most excited about would be the save screen. It's quite popular. Ha ha.  

With all of that stuff done, I was able to finally….*finally* release the official version of Episode 1 to Patreon and on Itch.  

And I released Episode 2 (minus two CGs that have been delayed by an abrupt move to a new place and me just not having time to draw right now) to Patrons in early access. (and the Itch version should go out mid-January. I hope).

So the point is…that is actually a fair amount of work that has taken place this year. And a lot of challenges that have been met and overcome.

A Faerie's Tale

Another thing I did this year was finish and release A Faerie's Tale as part of Amare Fest and with a team of friends to help out.

AFT is a concept I've had since about 2020 (prior to WSC actually). It was based on a dream I had as was always meant to be a cute little side project. But it kind of fell by the wayside in favour of my larger projects.

Being able to get it released was definitely fun. Jen and I definitely want to go back to it and release Lachan's route though - it was something we didn't have time for previously and it would be nice to get it truly complete.

Thornewood

And while I haven't specifically mentioned it anywhere outside of my server and Patreon...

The truth is...

I've secretly been planning my next project. But not really all that secretly since I have mentioned it a few times.

I've been torn, for a while, on two projects I'd like to tackle. One is called The Crown Wheel and the other is called (tentatively) Thornewood. I still go back and forth over which one I really want to do next. 

Crown Wheel is the one I *really* want to get out there. It's another story that's close to my heart with some ancient characters of mine that I really love and would love to throw out there for other people to enjoy. But…

Thornewood is a bit more solid a project when it comes to planning and plot. Crown Wheel is a little more nebulous in terms of where the story would go. I'm getting side tracked…I'll get into this more in my 2025 plans.

I have not been working on any other project regularly or in any truly significant way. I've really been working on outlines and character profiles more than anything and I typically do it late at night when I can't sleep but can't draw any more because I'm resting for the day and while I just don't want to be working on WSC because I worked on it all day.

I think I have about 13000 words of outline. I did a rough summary of each route and have been trying to expand those and detail them out a little bit more. So technically that is work I've done this year too.

2024 still somehow feels like a weird year for development. I can't articulate why but it definitely was an odd year for sure.

So What are my 2025 Plans?

That's really the big question at this point. What is in store for Steamberry Studio?

First and foremost, the plan is to get When Stars Collide fully released. This isn't as straightforward as it seems though. With the writing complete, I'm focused on the coding and art, but...

Coding expressions is currently a bit tedious because there have been a ton of group scenes in this game so far. This is because it is somewhat of a 'closed set' so when you are not 1x1 with a love interest…you tend to be with a group. This will diminish in upcoming chapters as the plot kicks off more and you also get longer scenes with the love interests. But unfortunately it does come back in the last few chapters.  

But for now I'm looking forward to heading into parts of the game that are more 1x1 or at least smaller groups at a time.  

Additionally the CG situation has been somewhat up in the air for me. I was originally planning to do CGs in every chapter but I wasn't sure if that would a) be sustainable for me and b) make sense.  

I suspected that there would be chapters coming up where there just weren't necessarily any good CG moments. So the "CGs in every chapter" thing was always going to be a bit squishy.   

I know, for instance, that chapter 6 probably won't have any because there aren't any good moments for it to be honest?  

Anyway. I am thinking that I may take a less formulaic approach to CGs and focus on making sure there are CGs in every episode if not every chapter. Maybe chapters 5, 8, 10...and then...Idk. One or two of the ending chapters. 

Even if it's just four of the remaining chapters, that's still 24 more illustrations for the game. Which I feel like is a very reasonable amount considering there are already about 20. 

Another thing I'm really going back and forth on is the nature of episodes moving forward.

Do I want to continue with 2 chapters per episode or do I want to drop to 1 chapter per episode? I battle myself on this all the time. It's such a hard call for me.

One challenge with moving into single chapter episodes is that I just feel the episodes would be less satisfying with only one chapter. Realistically the chapters aren't that small - even the short ones are more than 30,000 words each. That's...half a YA novel.

But, again, *realistically* when we reduce that to a play time, it's not that much.

People consume unvoiced visual novels at a rate of about 250 words per minute. That means 15,000 words per hour.

So 30k is just two hours of content. When you start dividing this up between "main plot" and "LI route content", you start whittling away at how much content *per character* there is. If there are 20,000 words of "LI content" - yeah, that's more than half the chapter. But that gets divided by 6 characters. And that means 13 minutes of playable content *including all the choices* for each character which isn't a lot. And most people are not going to play through every choice option.

Which means people could be getting through the unique content for their favourite character in less than 10 minutes.

By combining chapters, that means we get episodes that are 70,000 words or 90,000 words. It boosts the amount of content per character by a significant amount and that is really what I'm looking at when I consider episode layout. 

I try to think about what is going to make for the most satisfying episode for players. The drawback of 2 chapters per episode is that it's…a lot. It's a lot of expressions. It's a lot of flowchart work.  

It just takes more time.

Regardless of whether it's just 1 chapter at a time or whether it's 2 chapters at a time, I really want to move forward with steady releases and get the game fully released to players in 2025. That is obviously my primary focus going forward.   

The story is finished. It's burning a hole in my laptop. (Not really). But I want to get it released.

Having the story already written but delivering it in smaller bites to players is doing a lot to save my drawing hand from inevitable doom but it's so hard for me mentally. I know the things coming up in future episodes and I'm so keen to release it and see reactions and talk to people about it. And it's just so difficult to not be able to do that as fast as I want.

I'm trying to be patient and I hope all of you are willing to be patient with me.

In other work…

I will likely continue to plan out my next game on the side, though I don't intend to start working on it or writing it until WSC completes. It's too hard to manage two projects like that - at least for me - most of the time.

When it comes to Thornewood (the most likely contender for 'next project'), it is a 'dark fantasy' in that the setting is gritty and grimy fantasy with an underlying darkness in the world. It's not really a dark romance though.

I always view dark fantasy as including settings where the darkness comes from outside the main character interactions. The setting is dark and the stories have danger and darkness....

But dark romance is when the relationships themselves are also dark. And I feel like I don't really write dark romance. I don't write perfect relationships either but I wouldn't describe them as 'dark' by any stretch.

Either way I'm looking forward to working on something more overtly fantasy again.

I've been dabbling in science fiction for a long time now (since 2019 - that's when I started Gilded Shadows!!) and I've been wanting to move back into fantasy settings for a while now.  

Even just working on the profiles and outlines and world building for fantasy projects, it feels like the Fae and the magic are calling me back home. So I'm really eager to wrap up WSC and bury myself in a more fantasy themed setting again.

But I have a long journey to get to that point.

There's a lot to do in 2025 and I still have a lot of stories to tell.

I hope you will all be here with me for the journey.

[nishisun]

2. How you met him & how he broke your heart.

A/N: THIS WHOLE CHAPTER IS A FLASHBACK! OKAY OKAY SO, YES, THIS IS AN SMAU, BUT ITS GONNA HAVE MORE WRITTEN PARTS 😁

NOTE (2024): this was made over 4+ years ago when i was a beginner writer so the writing is pretty much horrible. but im feel nostalgic and this has been sitting for the drafts for years that i thought, why not post? anways pls enjoy my very mediocre attempt at writing. there’s multiple parts so ill post until there are none anymore

flashback.

On December 21, your parents told you that they were separating. Your father claimed he fell out of love with your mother and already had a family in the US. You were devastated, to say the least. But mostly, you were confused. How could he? How could he do this to you, your sister, and your mother? They seemed so happy together. They never argued, well, not in front of you and your sister at least. They were the perfect couple. You looked up to them. You wanted to have what they had with your future significant other, and now your parents were telling you that they are separating because your father fell out of love?

pitiful.

Your father said he was leaving to go to the states in 6 months. Out of anger, your mother decided it was best to move, without leaving a trace of your father. She called this a clean slate. Moving meant you had to transfer schools. You were a third year, who was now going to be attending Itachiyama Institute, while your younger sister who was still in junior high was attending Okojo Middle School. Still, you couldn’t believe it. Your own father, the person you looked up to the most, was abandoning you, your mother, and your sister. Why weren’t you guys good enough for him? How come it’s so easy for him to leave? It just wasn’t fair.

What is love? Well, there are many ways to interpret the word “love”. When we love someone we experience positive thoughts and experiences with them bur we also experience a deep sense of care and commitment towards that person. Love means to be deeply committed and connected to someone or something. The feeling of love should be mutual with you and your significant other.

You loved Sakusa Kiyoomi. He was your first love.

You remembered the day you met. It was your first day at Itachiyama Institute  and your previous school was Nekoma High. You were the manager for Nekoma’s volleyball team, which meant that you’d go with them to practice camps, games, and you’d stay after school hours to help out, which was why you were so close to Kenma and Kuroo. You met Kenma and Kuroo when you were a first year, you and Kenma were in the same class and you volunteered to be a manager for the volleyball team, which resulted to you becoming bestfriends with Kenma and Kuroo. You both were now finally third years, Kenma was captain of the team after Kuroo left and Kuroo couldn’t have been more proud. At first, Kenma didn’t want to be the captain because he claimed it was “too much work”, but once you and the other team members forced convinced him to try it out, he ended up loving it.

Your first day at Itachiyama was okay, you didn’t talk much, or really make new friends. It was the same old, you’d introduce yourself in front of the class, then they’d greet you and ask you questions on how your previous school was or why you moved. At lunch, you sat outside, alone, until you saw two boys walk in front of you. One was wearing a mask and the other was smiling and waved at you.

“Hello! My name is Komori Motoya and this is my cousin. We have class together, right?” he said as he brought his right arm out, offering to shake yours.

“Oh, um yes, we do! Hi Komori, my name is L/N Y/N.” you said, shaking his hand. Once you both let go you looked at Komori’s cousin who was standing next to him, but was slightly behind him.

“You must be Sakusa Kiyoomi, right?” you said walking towards him. He didn’t say anything, he just nodded while his hands were placed in his pockets.

“Uh, how did you know that?” Komori asked as he chuckled, scratching the back of his head.

“Well, I know your name too. I’ve seen you and your team play! You guys are really good.” you explained, Komori shook his head in excitement.

“Oh, really? Are you into volleyball? Do you play?” He asked.

“Well, I’m not really good at it. I used to play in junior high, but I stopped once I got into high school. I love watching the games though! I was the team manager at my previous school.”

“Really? That’s amazing! Our team is looking for a team manager! You should really apply, i’m pretty sure the coach would be happy.” Komori said.

“Oh! Well, that’s great! I’ll check definitely come visit tomorrow after school.” You said as you started to pack your things because lunch was ending soon.

“That’s great y/n!” he said, “Well, we’ll see you around in class.”

“Yeah, bye!” You waved at the two and they waved back.

“Everyone, gather around! Meet the new addition to the managers for the team! The coach said.

“My name is L/N Y/N! I’m new here and I just transferred from Nekoma High!” you said, bowing your head. Some of the teammates were whispering once they heard you mention Nekoma. “I’m hoping to get to know you all better! I’ve seen you guys play before and it’s an honor to be working with you all! you said.

“she talks a lot.” Sakusa thinks, having a bored look on his face and makes a mental note of this.

“Trust me y/n, the pleasure is ours!” the coach chuckles.

You suddenly realize how the gym is full of boys who are basically towering over you and awkwardly laugh back, followed by an awkward silence. You then remembered about the homemade granola you had made for the team, which you had been carrying this whole time.

“Oh! I almost forgot! I made some homemade granola bars to show my gratitude towards you all.” You started to pass the bars out to each team member as they thanked you and praised you for how good the bars tasted. You were making your way to give a bar to the last person who hasn’t received it yet, which was Sakusa Kiyoomi.

He was taller than his other teammates, wearing a mask and it almost seemed as if he was giving you a look of disgust, judging by the way his face was scrunched up. He looked intimidating, but you didn’t want to judge someone off of their looks, so you walked up to him and tried to start a conversation with him.

“Hello, Sakusa! I just wanted to thank you and Komori for coming up to me yesterday. It meant a lot considering the fact that I was new and i’m not very good at making friends-“

“You talk a lot.” Sakusa interrupted, his cousin heard him since he wasn’t that far away from you both and quickly walked up to him.

“Sakusa! It wouldn’t hurt you to be nice and not so upfront all the time!” his cousin said.

“I’m kidding!” sakusa says to his cousin, shaking his head and chuckles, then turns back to you.

“I’m kidding,” He repeats once again, “Sorry that I wasn’t really talking yesterday. I’m not good with people either.” He says and you both laugh. “I’m pretty sure you’re the person i’m supposed to be showing the school around to tomorrow.”

“Oh, yeah. You don’t really have to if it’s going to-“

“You really do tend to ramble a lot.” he interrupts once again. He won’t tell you, but he finds it cute how flustered you get, you seem so innocent.

“Sorry, it’s a bad habit of mine.” you scratched the back of your head and laughed a bit.

“All right everyone, Time to pack up!” the coach said, getting up from the bench.

“See you tomorrow?” Sakusa says.

“Yep!”

“Bye Y/N!” Komori says as he waved at you. You waved back and started to pack things up and went home.

1 and a half years later.

“Omi, have you seen my shampoo? I left it here at your place and I checked the bathroom and it wasn’t there anymore.” you said as you walked out of his bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel.

“No babe,” Sakusa says, “Just use mine. It isn’t that big of a deal. We can buy you your shampoo once you finish taking a shower if it’s bothering you this much.”

“It’s fine. I was just checking to see if you saw it, it isn’t that big of a deal.” you assured him with a smile.

“Maybe I should join you in the shower?” Sakusa suggested, “saves more water.”

“You’re too much.” you laughed, “let’s go shower!”

You and Sakusa finally graduated high school and decided to take a year break before attending college to spend time together since Sakusa wasn’t planning on going to college. You guys didn’t live together, He had an apartment of his own that was near your house and you’d stay there most of the time. Which meant, more sex.

Of course, it took sakusa some time to be comfortable to have sex with you, but he trusted you a lot. he knew you were clean and you took proper care of yourself

not staying abstinent from sex is something you regret, but are happy that you forgot to take the pill that one day. If you had, you still would’ve been with Sakusa. But since you didn’t, you ended up pregnant and gave birth to the person that makes you the happiest, your daughter.

You remember taking the pregnancy test, your heart dropped.

“fuck. i’m fucked.” you muttered.

Your hands were shaking as you held the pregnancy test, which said “positive” and your fingers were slowly becoming more cold by each passing seconds and your anxiety was getting the best of you.

what is sakusa gonna say? he already said he didn’t want kids. what was your mother going to say? Oh, your mother was going to kill you. Sakusa isn’t gonna like this at all. Maybe he will? Maybe he’ll tell you everything is okay and that he’ll be with you every step of the way. Should you tell Komori to tell him? No. Sakusa won’t believe him and it’ll result in him asking you anyways. Kenma! text Kenma. Then text Akira. They’ll know what to do. Wait! you need to make sure you’re 100% pregnant. This is only one test. there’s no way you’re pregnant.

So you took 2 more test. All of them were positive.

“shitt.” you took a deep breath in and closed your eyes. Tears were threatening to spill and the once appetite you once had was now gone. You were in Sakusa’s apartment bathroom, he had gone to go pick up the food you had ordered for the movie night you and him were planning to have.

You quickly got out of the bathroom and made your way to your phone to call Kenma and tell him. By now you were sobbing.

“Y/n, are you 100% sure you’re pregnant?” he said in a firm voice. He too was trying not to panic.

“Y-yes! I’ve taken like th- three test now!” you said, you were breaking down and it was hard for you to even speak clearly. “Kiyoomi i-is not going to be happy at all. I only missed one day of not t-taking the pill.”

“Y/n, i’m going to need you to breathe for me. You may not believe me now, but everything will be okay. You have to tell him. He will still love you. Isn’t it his baby?” he asked, this annoyed you. Why did he even ask that? obviously it was his. Kenma didn’t mean any harm when he asked you, but you took it to offense.

“O-obviously kozume. Why would you even ask that?” you were pacing around in the living room, trying to calm yourself down. “Kenma he’s here. He just texted me he’s outside and he’s-he’s coming. I’m scared, i don’t know how to handle this.”

“Y/n, please breathe. Everything is going to be okay please calm down, okay? You got this. If you want me to come over I can. Do you still want me to stay on the line?” he asked.

“N-no, I’m fine. Thank you Kenma. I’m gonna hang up now.”

“You’re welcome y/n. I love you.” he said, a smile resting on his face.

“love you too.”

you quickly went back to the bathroom to throw the pregnancy test away and hid it further in the trash so Sakusa wouldn’t find it. You quickly washed your face, so it would look like you weren’t crying and if he asked you why your eyes were so red you’d just say soap got in your eyes. Right when you finished washing your face, Sakusa entered the place, immediately heading to the kitchen sink to wash his hands.

“Hey,” he said grabbing the soap next to him and rubbing it with his hands.

“Hey.” you said softly, placing one hand on your opposite arm and walking towards him to embrace him.

“Happy anniversary, I love you so much.” He said, hugging you and burying his head in the crook of your neck. 

“I love you more, Kiyoomi.” you said. He pulled away and stared at your face in mischief and then squinted. 

“You don’t usually call me Kiyoomi unless you’re upset or worried about something. What’s up?”

Shit.

It was a bad habit of yours. When something was bothering you, or when you were upset, you’d usually call Sakusa, Kiyoomi. Usually you’d call him by his nickname, which was Omi.

“It’s nothing, Omi. I’m hungry! Let’s eat!” you say as you tried to hug him again, but he doesn’t budge.

“y/n, come on, i know you.” he says softly, as you both stood in the kitchen. He stares at you for a little longer, tucking the strands of your hair behind your ear, easing your tenseness so you could feel comfortable enough to talk to him and then cupped your cheek. “Talk to me- wait, have you been crying?”

Ugh.

you’re crying again. you’re crying really hard. Sakusa starts to panic at the random burst of tears that are falling at a rapid pace and pulls you in for a tight hug, not caring that you haven’t washed your hands yet.

“hey, hey, y/n shh, it’s okay.” Sakusa says, stroking your hair softly. “baby, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong, please.”

You sob on his chest, he slightly cringes at the thought of your tears wetting his shirt, but he doesnt mention it.

“N-no, I cant. You’ll hate me.” you say, burying your face in his chest. Sakusa lets out a sigh of confusion and continues to stoke your hair.

“I’m pretty sure there’s nothing you could do that would make me hate you y/n. I love you, dummy.” he chuckled, you laughed as well and let go of him and wiped your tears. You took a deep breath and then let a out a forced laugh and then faced Sakusa.

“Okay,” You said letting out a sigh, “I’m,”

“you’re?”

“Never mind, I cant do this.” you walked away from him and ran to the bathroom and locked yourself there and started breaking down. Sakusa was quick to follow you, but you locked the door. You were confusing the hell out of him. He thought you were trying to break up with him.

You couldn’t tell him. Not when he had already told you he didn’t want kids. Did you even want kids? Aborting the baby was not an option. Knowing the type of person you are, you’d probably feel too guilty and you didn’t need that guilt following you for the rest of your life.

“Y/n, I understand you may need space right now. Whenever you’re ready please talk to me, I love you.”

Why was he so good to you?

About 30 minutes later, you finally come out from the bathroom and you see Sakusa scrolling through his phone. The food he had ordered was still on the table, probably cold by now.

“Hey,” you said walking up to him and sitting next to him on the couch.

“Hey,” he smiled, “you ready to talk to me now?”

“uh, yeah.” you took a deep breath, and Sakusa patiently waited for you to speak up.

“So, you know how I’m on birth control?” you asked, he cocked his head and furrowed his brows, wondering what birth control had to do with what was bothering you.

“yes..”

“Oh, okay.” you said, you took another deep breath in, then out, then you closed your eyes because you felt tears rushing down again.

“Y/n,” sakusa says softly, You rest your head on his chest once again, and he continues to softly rub your back. “Y/n, you’re scaring me. Are you breaking up with me?”

“No!” you say as you lift your head up to face him. You cup his cheek gently and give him a soft smile. “no, i’m not baby.” You put your hand down and faced forward, while sakusa was staring at you from your side. Sakusa gives a sigh of relief.

“I’m pregnant.” you blurted out.

“what?” he heard you, he just didn’t know if he heard it right.

“Kiyoomi, i’m pregnant. it’s yours.” you’re facing him now, but he looks away. He lets go of the hand that was once holding yours and faces forward.

“Omi, please say something.” you say, you started to get worried and you felt a weird sensation in your stomach as if you were about to throw up.

“Are you sure y/n? Is this some type of prank because if it is-“

“no, it’s not a prank. i’ve taken three test and they were all positive, kiyoomi. i’m pregnant.”

“holy shit.” is all he mutters, he places both of his hands together and they land on his face and the face he was currently making was unreadable. You couldn’t tell if he was mad or upset, but he certainly didn’t seem happy one bit.

“is that seriously all you’re gonna say?” you scoff, he doesn’t look at you, he’s still facing forward.

“take another test,”

“what?”

“take another test,” he repeats, now getting up from the couch and pacing up and down the living room. “you need to take another test.”

“i already told you, i took three and they were all positive-“

“just take another test y/n, damn it!” your eyes widen at his sudden burst of anger, he’s staring at you, boring his eyes onto you and then he quickly looks away and takes a steady breath in. “i need to see this for myself, just take another test, okay?”

you scoff.

you wipe of the tears on your face and you walk to the bathroom rather quickly, sakusa following not far along.

you open another one of the test that you haven’t used yet without saying a word to sakusa, he’s leaning on the bathroom door with the same bored expression he usually has on his face.

once you’ve finished, you wait a few minutes for the test to see it’s results.

positive.

“are you satisfied? or do i need to take another test?” you mutter, sakusa looks at the test that is now placed on this sink, crossing his arms.

“we can’t keep this baby-“

“what? what are you talking about?” you interrupt him. Is he being serious? He doesn’t have a say on what whether you keep the baby or not.

“y/n, think about it!” he explains, walking closer to you, “we’re 18, and i have a career that i’m working hard on and you have college-“

“are you being serious right now, kiyoomi?” you raise your voice and back away from him with a hurt expression on your face.

“Y/n, it wouldn’t be smart to keep this baby. We can’t be parents right now. I’m not ready to be a dad yet,” he’s not raising his voice because he’s trying his hardest to avoid an argument. “I cant- i can’t do this.”

“w-what?” you feel tears forming again. What can’t he do? What is he trying to say? “Kiyoomi, look, I know this is a lot. Trust me it’s a lot for me too! But i’m keeping this baby. It’s our responsibility since we weren’t responsible enough.”

He scoffs at this and shakes his head “we? we weren’t responsible? last time i checked, you were the one who didn’t do your part. all you had to do was take one damn pill. is it seriously that hard?”

He can’t seriously be blaming you right now.

“I’m sorry y/n, but i seriously can’t be a dad. We already said that we’re not having kids. They’re messy, annoying and not to mention, they cause too much stress. You have to abort the baby-“

“I don’t have to do shit,” you interrupt once again, you were crying, you were so upset. This was so unlike kiyoomi. you felt nauseous, and it wasn’t the baby. “And i never said i didn’t want kids, we never even agreed on that, you just said you didn’t want them. What happened to you? Yeah, we’re young, but i’m willing to make that sacrifice. All you’re worried about is your stupid volleyball career. I told you i’m keeping this baby and if you aren’t okay with that, then maybe we should break up!” You were yelling, too caught up in the moment to realize what you had just said, it was a lot for Sakusa to process. It’s only normal that he’d be suprised but it doesn’t mean he had to put all the blame on you. You were already aware it was partly your fault, and now you were willing to own up for your mistakes. Why wasn’t he? He looked at you in shock, then walked back and forth and you kept your eyes on him wondering what he would say next.

“you think so?”

“There’s no point in being together if you don’t want to be in this baby’s life, Kiyoomi. You know this.”

“So what, you’re just gonna let go of what we have that easily?” he asked, everything he was saying was getting on your fucking nerves.

“You think it’s easy, Kiyoomi?” you let out a humorless laugh, “You think it’s easy for me to let you go? You are literally my the love of my fucking life. The first person who made me have butterflies in my stomach when all you’d do is just stare at me. Now that a baby is on the way things are obviously going to be changing and i need to put this baby first before everything and you’re obviously not willing to do that and It hurts- it fucking hurts that you didn’t even assure me that everything was going to be alright. That you’d still love me and be right by my side even though Ive decided that i am keeping the baby. I had to call kenma right before you came and even he said you’d assure me, but you didn’t. I’m not even upset at you for being suprised, but there are better ways to react Kiyoomi, especially in situations like this. You saying you’re not ready to be a dad is okay, but the fact that you aren’t willing to make the sacrifice hurts. So don’t say it’s easy for me when you’re the one that’s letting go.”

By the time you finished speaking, you were choking on your own sobs and you could barely even speak clearly. Sakusa looked like he was on the verge of tears, but he probably didn’t want to cry in front of you. He didn’t say anything either or make eye contact with you either. He just headed to the kitchen and started cleaning out any leftovers that were too old in the fridge. You aren’t even suprised. You see, Sakusa doesn’t like opening up to people. The thought of being so vulnerable and opening up like what you had just did scared Kiyoomi. He wanted to be the one that would cheer you up when something was bothering you but when it came to him, he’d keep his emotions or how he was feeling to himself. It was a bad habit of his but you still loved him and understood that it would take some time. Yes, it does hurt that he didn’t say anything after you literally opened up, but maybe this was how it was supposed to end.

You looked at him with such disbelief. You scoffed and then wore your jacket and shoes and left.

He didn’t chase after you, it’s not like you would listen anyways. All he did was say that he wasn’t ready to be a parent and how you should abort the baby. Did he think you were ready? Because you weren’t. But you were willing to make a sacrifice for this baby of yours. There’s no point in forcing him to become a father if that’s clearly not what he wants. That’s fine though, you know you’d have other people support you, even if it meant that Sakusa wouldn’t be supporting you anymore.

“Goodbye, Kiyoomi.”

[natimiles]

I need you to see me for what I have become (Rafayel x OC)

Words: 2577

Tags: blood; acceptance; comfort; cuddles; Rafayel is confused but Mina loves him very much; he comes home covered in blood :)

Notes: after making me suffer (and suffering from my angst writings), my fishie husband decided to come home! I promised him and friends that I’d write him something happy if he came home, so here we are! I finished this exactly on the day this turned 4 months old on my drafts (I finished this a few days ago, but I’m only posting now). It might not be the fluffiest thing in the world, but the idea brings me a lot of joy and he gets all the cuddles he deserves :)

I wrote this with my self insert OC Mina. I don’t have a profile for her (yet), then know that she’s not MC. She has the bond and different lives with Rafayel (and only him), but she’s not a Hunter, she’s a psychologist.

When she finishes her tasks for the day earlier than expected, Mina stands in the middle of her living room for a good minute, unsure of what to do next. She knows Rafayel also has a few things to take care of, and if she goes to his place, she might be alone for who knows how long, but still, the idea of surprising him when he gets back sounds nice. So, in less than thirty minutes, she’s ready and out the door.

She doesn’t remember ever going to Rafayel’s house without him being there before; it’s quiet in a way she’s not used to. Normally, there’s the sound of his brushes sliding across the canvas when he’s deeply focused, his soft voice humming some random tune as he paints, or even his dramatic scenes when inspiration refuses to come. The silence now feels eerie, and a shiver runs down her spine. She shakes her head, then closes and locks the door behind her.

Even if he didn’t go into detail about what he had to do today, she knows he always gets a little annoyed when he has to spend the whole day out. So, she wants to cheer him up. Her first thought is to bake something he likes while she waits for his return, and she heads to the kitchen. She navigates the room as if she’s in her own, already used to the place and knowing exactly where to find everything. She’s relieved that he has all the ingredients available and doesn’t waste time getting started.

Mina is just finishing cleaning up the mess she made when she hears the front door unlocking and the quiet sound of footsteps entering the house. Her face lights up, thinking Rafayel is finally home, and just in time! She rushes to the living room to meet him, but she doesn’t even have time to say a word before fully processing the scene in front of her.

Her boyfriend is there, in all his beauty… and covered in blood.

The sight stops her in her tracks.

Her eyes aren’t as wide as his. Rafayel had sensed her presence in the house when he was unlocking the door, but there were so many things spinning in his head that he didn’t really process it until he heard a quiet gasp and found himself face to face with a stunned Mina. His hands, which had been reaching for his bloodstained blazer to take it off, drop numbly to his sides.

His worst nightmare is coming true and there’s no way to undo it.

He can’t play clueless. He can’t pretend this isn’t happening. He can’t run. She’s just seen him in a way she never has before, and he’s convinced that’s all it’ll take for her to run from him.

Why wouldn’t she?

She now knows that her adorable, sweet, cute boyfriend isn’t what she thought he was. He’s not as fragile and helpless as he pretends to be, and now that she’s seen this side of him, she’s going to leave. She’s probably scared of him now, of seeing him come home covered in blood like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

Why wouldn’t she?

Mina will turn around and run at any moment now. He knows it. He should push her away before she has the chance, but for the first time, he realizes he’s paralyzed. Rafayel clenches his fists tightly, trying to stop the shaking, his nails digging painfully into his palms.

There’s a deafening sound — his heart pounding so loudly in his ears that he can’t hear anything else. He sees her mouth moving quickly, but he can’t make out the words. Probably breaking up with him, to find someone better. Someone who doesn’t keep secrets. Someone who doesn’t come home drenched in the blood of his enemies.

So, why isn’t she running already? Why is she still here?

“Rafayel?” she calls out again, her voice frantic. She’s trying hard to contain her anxiety and stay calm until she can fully understand what’s happening. It would be a lot more helpful if he answered or moved. Her frown deepens as she lets out a shaky sigh and rushes toward him. “Rafayel? Can you hear me?” Her golden eyes, still wide with concern, scan his face. “I asked you if this blood is yours. Are you hurt?”

She waits for a moment, but when there’s no answer, she reaches for him, her hands trembling. The moment her fingers touch his blazer, Rafayel snaps out of his trance and takes a few steps back, her hand falling away from him. Her brows furrow, and a silence settles between them for a few seconds that feel like hours. His eyes are wide. He doesn’t know why he reacted like that, but he’s sure he’s only made things worse, if that’s even possible.

Mina closes her eyes and takes a deep breath to calm herself. Her heart is hammering inside her ribcage, and to be quite honest, she wants to scream and cry. But she can’t. Not until she’s sure her boyfriend isn’t injured. Not until he stops looking at her like she’s about to vanish. Not until he also calms down and his hands stop shaking beside him. When she opens her eyes again, she doesn’t meet his gaze; he’s now staring at his feet, and she can see his chest rising and falling erratically. He looks like he’s having a panic attack, and she knows she needs to be more delicate — but also assertive — in how she handles the situation.

“Rafayel… Honey…” she calls him softly, fighting to keep her voice from cracking. “I’ll move closer to you, okay?” He doesn’t respond, so she takes one tentative step forward and looks at him, noticing he doesn’t move away. “I’ll touch you now. I need to remove your blazer.”

Again, he doesn’t answer. Slowly, her shaky hand reaches out to him and touches the lapel of his blazer, moving it to get a better look at one of the bloodstains there. She feels his body tremble under her touch, but he doesn’t pull away again, and she takes that as a positive sign.

“Is this your blood? Are you hurt?” she asks again, looking into his lowered face. Even though she’s shorter than him, it’s hard to see his expressions, with his bangs covering his face.

Rafayel shakes his head without looking at her; he doesn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes. But when he hears a soft sigh and feels her fingers wrap around his clothes more firmly, he frowns and can’t help but snap his head up to look at her.

She isn’t mad.

She isn’t terrified.

She isn’t disgusted.

She isn’t running away.

She is… relieved…?

He can see her eyes softening and what looks like relief spreading across her face. Her lips are even curling a little, in what seems like a… smile…?

Rafayel is beyond confused. 

He frowns deeper, staring at her, his mouth opening and closing a few times. He literally looks like a fish out of water right now. She tugs his blazer off, and without even thinking, he moves his arms to help, but his gaze stays fixed on her face.

He must be hallucinating. That’s the only explanation.

“We should clean you up. Let’s get you to the bathroom,” she says, reaching for his hand before he can think about pulling away. Her fingers easily intertwine with his as she turns to guide him through his own house. As if it’s normal, as if he doesn’t have faint bloodstains on his hands, as if she’s accepting this. He stops dead in his tracks after a few steps, causing her to halt and turn back to him, confused. “Rafayel?”

“Why…?” His voice is weak, but in the silent house, it’s enough for her to hear.

“Huh? Oh, I assumed you’d want to take a shower to clean yourself… Is that not what you want?” She tilts her head to the side, her eyes widening slightly, as if she’s the one doing something wrong. As if she could ever do anything wrong.

Rafayel shakes his head again, more forcefully this time, his eyes squeezed shut. “That’s not… that’s not it. That’s not… Why are you still here?”

His words might sound rude, but she understands what he means. She can read between the lines and see the way his eyes frantically scan her face, searching for an answer. She smiles softly, and his lips press into a straight line. Mina reaches for his other hand, squeezing both in reassurance as she looks straight into his bi-colored eyes — she doesn’t want him to have any doubts.

“I promised you: I love you, no matter what you become. And I meant it.”

His eyes widen slightly, and his hands tremble in her grip. She can almost see the way his brain is trying to process what she said, disbelieving that it could be true. She takes a step forward into his personal space, her breath tickling his jaw as she looks up into his face. The reaction is instant, even in a moment like this; his cheeks and ears turn a light pink in a matter of seconds.

“But…” he starts and trails off, his voice fading away. His mouth stays open for a few seconds as he tries hard to find the words to say but fails.

“What? Would you prefer it to be a lie?” she raises a questioning eyebrow.

“No, of course not!” He shakes his head, his hands squeezing hers.

“Then accept it, Rafayel Qi. I love you, every single part of you. Even the ones you might not be ready to talk about yet. You hear me?”

Really, when he thinks he can’t love her more than he already does, she surprises him. He doesn’t think he can say anything now; he has too many feelings and isn’t sure he can organize his thoughts enough to speak properly, so he just takes a deep breath and nods.

“Great.” She smiles, as lovingly as always, in a way that makes his heart skip a beat. “Now, to the shower.”

She gives his hand one last reassuring squeeze and proceeds to walk down the hallway to his bathroom. She helps him take off his clothes and toss them into a corner, and even though they’ve done this a lot of times before, there’s something much more intimate this time that makes his chest warm and gives him a sense of being fully complete.

Mina guides him into the shower, and before he even thinks about asking if she’ll join him, she’s already undressing to go in with him. She turns on the hot water and stands in front of him, facing him with that adorable and calm expression.

The water takes on that faint bloody color as it goes down the drain, and Rafayel has half a mind to flinch away and tell her not to taint her beautiful hands. But the way she looks at him, the way her golden eyes scan him meticulously for any sign that he’s hurt, makes the artist feel exposed and loved in a way he’d never experienced before.

He watches her face for any minuscule reaction of disgust or fear — but he never finds them. Not a single part of her face expresses any sort of negative feeling. If anything, she’s still a little worried, but he can tell it’s because she’s afraid he might be hiding an injury somewhere.

“Lean down a little for me, please,” she asks, her hands pulling him down by the shoulders, and he can’t help the low laugh that escapes through his nose as he watches her struggle to reach his hair.

His heart beats so fast, so loud, and so hard inside his chest that Rafayel thinks he might die — and he would die happily right now. Being accepted by his beloved bride goes beyond anything he’s ever dreamed of. Having her delicate fingers wash the blood of his enemies — their enemies — off of him… he has half a mind to pinch himself for a reality check, because it still feels like he’s dreaming. But the way her warm touch cleans him, the way her delicate fingers massage his scalp as she spreads the shampoo through his lavender-colored locks… he knows now that this isn’t a dream. Her touch, her warmth, her love… he can feel it all.

This is reality, and one of the best and happiest moments of his life.

“I can rinse, cutie,” he says softly when he notices her on her tiptoes, still trying to help him. “Thank you.”

She smiles and nods, taking advantage of the moment to wash herself while he finishes with his hair. He sees her and decides to reach out to help her too. A loving smile spreads across his face when she sighs and relaxes under his fingertips, and he doesn’t fight the urge to circle his arms around her body, embracing her tightly. His face nuzzles her neck and shoulder, and he leaves gentle kisses that make her giggle.

When they leave the shower, they dry themselves, but neither of them care much about drying their hair. Putting on some comfy clothes, they walk to the artist’s king-sized bed and lie down together, cuddling under the covers. Mina drapes her body over Rafayel, her leg over his waist, her arm over his chest while her hand fiddles with his wet locks. There’s a comfortable silence, the sound of the sea outside the only thing enveloping their moment, and she closes her eyes, relaxed, until she hears his soft voice.

“I’m sorry I ruined your evening and scared you.”

Mina lifts her head just enough to look him in the eyes. “Well, I was a little scared, but because I thought it was your blood and you were hurt. But you didn’t ruin anything.” She says, and he opens his mouth to retort, but she cuts him off. “You did not. There’s nada you could ever ruin for me. And you don’t want to try to tell me otherwise!” She softly glares at him in a joking way, her finger poking his cheek.

He softly laughs through his nose, his arms bringing her closer, if that’s even possible. “Alright, alright! I will accept what my cutie says.”

“Good,” she smiles triumphantly and leans down, placing a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. “Because your cutie loves you very much, and she only speaks the truth. I know there’s a reason for this, and I understand if you don’t want to talk about it. I can wait until you’re ready.”

“No, we can talk about it. I absolutely want to talk about it with you,” he says, bringing his hand to her face and caressing her. “I want to tell you everything. Can we just rest a little bit first?”

“Of course, my love,” she places another soft kiss, fully on his lips this time. “Close your eyes and let’s nap. And I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Rafayel holds her back with one hand and her leg over his body with the other, keeping her as close as possible. His nose nuzzles the top of her head, breathing in her scent mingled with his from his soap and shampoo, and with a relaxed sigh, he lets his eyes close.

Taglist: @william-rex @candiedcoffeedrops @valkyyriia @drachonia @m00nchildwrites @keithtopia @aquagirl1978 @dollielament @fang-and-feather @specters0rd @sh0jun @yamarireads @just-a-dodo

Masterlists If you wanna be added to my taglist, please fill this form.

[lorkai]

*･゜ﾟ Three reasons to love him

*･゜A/N: This has been seating on my drafts for some time now and maybe it's just me being me, but I don't like how this turned out. But if I don't post this now then I'II probably never will tbh. Enjoy! @sweetbydarkness

"I don't understand how you can love someone like that," Epel said, leaning over the bed and pretending to vomit on the impeccably clean floor of his room. The topic of dating always reminded him of your poor taste in men, in his own words.

The boy tried to make a grimace, but the black mask that Vil had applied to his face a few minutes ago prevented him from expressing what he felt. He resorted to waving his hands frantically to release the contained anger within his small body. "This mask bothers my face, and he forces me to do this every day. It's ridiculous, he's ridiculous, and you're ridiculous too. Everyone is ridiculous!"

You pretended to be offended, rolled your eyes, and pushed him away with your foot. But Epel was used to dodging Rook's cunning attacks and dodged at the last second to the other side of the bed, smiling like a true idiot once he was out of your reach.

"Oh, the great wisdom of humanity, if you had kept your mouth shut during the selection, Vil would never have looked in your direction and decided to 'torture' you, abominable cave creature," you reminded him with a laugh.

The boy pretended not to hear you as he scrolled through posts on Magicam carelessly, holding back from scratching his own face and ruining the mask Vil had applied to him. There was no way he would go through that torture twice in the same night.

Finally, he looked up at you again, letting out a tedious sigh, wondering how you could love someone as strict as Schoenheit.

Epel couldn't even remember how it happened. All he knew was that he woke up one day and realized a special sparkle existed in your eyes and a smile on your lips every time the blond was nearby or when you heard his voice, or when someone mentioned his name. Love was a beautiful feeling, as his grandmother had told him so many times, and yet, he rolled his eyes trying to find a single good quality for someone to love his dorm leader.

In his perspective, his dorm leader was just a cruel tyrant. Schoenheit was always talking about beauty and effort, but Epel didn't care about any of that. The boy had more important concerns in mind.

Anyway, he hoped that you two would start dating soon so that he would have more free time to jump in mud puddles and challenge Savanaclaw students to a fight — or that's what he liked to think, as he preferred to forget that Rook would keep an eye on him.

"Aren't you going to confess?" He suddenly asked.

And you felt the wave of shame rise on your face as you remembered all the plans you had created and shared with him, seeking a second opinion. One idea was more cliché than the other, and after a while pondering more ideas, you convinced yourself that it was better to simply express your feelings to him face to face. Nothing was better than a sincere confession, in your opinion. That's what you had decided, yet you hadn't mustered the courage to confess to him.

And how could you? He was almost a god, and that look in his beautiful eyes could intimidate anyone. Beautiful lilac eyes that made you smile every time he looked in your direction.

"Aren't you writing a letter? Did you give up on it?" He laughed bitterly. He endured hours of suffering and torture listening to the silly content you were writing. Epel felt a vein pulsating on his forehead at the fact that you had chickened out, and your expression didn't help at all.

"Well, I finally don't have to hear oh perfect Vil, oh gentle Vil again. For the love of the seven, I wanted to eat lava and die if you read those lines to me again!" He laughed loudly.

You looked at him and narrowed your eyes as if that would make him explode. In your mind, he was exploding into a thousand pieces, but you took a deep breath and rolled your eyes again.

Epel was even worse than you when he had a crush. He talked about his beloved for hours on end with a silly smile on his face, but he also didn't have much courage to confess, and when he tried, he started shouting and blushing.

"I could list a thousand reasons why Vil Schoenheit is perfect!" You confidently murmured aloud. A foolish smile once again spreading across your face as your friend looked disapproving.

He waved his hand as if to shoo away an annoying fly and laughed condescendingly, prolonging his laughter to irritate you a little more. "I doubt it!" Crossing his arms, Epel looked at you challengingly. "Tell me at least three reasons why you love him."

"What an outrage!" You naturally mimicked Sebek's way of speaking as you decisively looked back at your friend. "How dare you question Your Excellency in this way? But very well, I suppose I can entertain you for now, ungracious human. Feel grateful to be able to hear the qualities of my good lord."

Heat rose on your face as you let your mind wander through your memories and shared moments with Vil. A nervous laugh escaped your lips as you imagined Vil's beautiful and intimidating eyes staring at you, a smug smile growing on his lips as he heard everything you would say about him.

And clearing your throat, you began to speak in an almost timid tone but gaining your usual confidence as you spoke.

"Well… You see, I love the fact that Vil is very diligent and responsible. He literally created a specific skincare routine for each student in his dorm, thinking about even those who have some type of condition or allergy. That takes dedication and a great attention to details, he takes good care of his underclassmen, you gotta give him that." You said, taking a few seconds to continue.

You thought about all the moments you witnessed someone running up to Vil to tell him about what they had achieved with the help and advice he offered, and how his eyes softened with genuine joy because of it. With Vil, it was always about the little things.

He was happy if someone had fixed their posture, spoken in public without stuttering, or tried his products even with a busy routine. And he always showed it.

Perfection begins with small steps, you remember him telling you one day, as he helped with your eyeliner.

"I understand it can be uncomfortable to be approached by him suddenly and have a bunch of products thrown into your arms while he says you need to change this or that, but it's his way of showing he cares, Epel." You laughed, recalling just hours ago when the lilac-haired boy sought refuge in your dorm.

And how later he was approached by a certain hunter and the queen barging into the Ramshackle and how he was dragged all the way through to Pomefiore. And you were brought along to keep Epel company during his routine. Your face heating again as you remembered Vil's soft fingers touching your face and the focused look on his face.

"Maybe you'll understand in a few years." Epel rolled his eyes at your remark. You were not that much older than him.

The boy wrinkled his nose, furrowed his brow, and looked away behind you as if he found the ceiling more interesting than the subject you were talking about. Epel decided to be a child and ignore you again, not that you cared.

"Well, if he didn't care about you or the other students, he wouldn't spend so much time working on things that could help all of you." You concluded, looking at your nails with interest instead of focusing on the sounds of Epel's disgusted reactions.

He leaned back, resting against his plush pillows, muttering something under his breath that you couldn't quite understand. More relaxed, he made a hand gesture for you to finish this torture soon.

"Two more reasons to go." He reminded you unintentionally.

You chuckled. "He's passionate about what he does." You let out an almost dreamy sigh. "Passionate about his work, either be his modeling or acting job, or making potions. Or doing anything really, even when doing the most mundane of the things he just has this focused look on his face that is so inspiring. And everytime I look at him I feel capable of doing many things, of exceeding everything I put my mind into. Do it makes sense?"

You paused, thinking about everything he had inspired you to do, even if he wasn't aware of it. Vil was a huge source of bright light shining endlessly, never allowing the darkness to get too close, he started to brighten your days every time he was around you and you were grateful to him for that.

You were grateful for every tip, for every smile and hug exchanged, for every joke and story shared, for him being there when you needed him. Maybe deep down he knew about your feelings too, preferring not to comment anything about it so as not to embarrass you since you weren't subtle about how you felt. And why should you? Love was a beautiful feeling, but so confusing and agitated.

It was love that you felt when you opened the windows and saw a pink sky announcing the beginning of another day, another day that you could see and hear him, his voice, his little humming, leaving extremely happy for whatever the day thrown your way. It was love you felt when you saw him acting, chills running down your back when a cold, calculating expression took over his face like a mask. If he had to be a villain, it must be a sin to be so beautiful acting like that.

"Earth to Yuu!" Epel's voice took you out of your thoughts, spread out on his bed and completely relaxed in his presence, he was playing something on his cell phone. "Last reason?"

You smiled. It was so obvious what the ultimate reason was after everything you'd been through here. "Because he's true to himself, even with all the criticism and nasty comments he receives daily, he's strong and I'm very proud of him. Do you think he would think that was weird if I told him? I mean, I see how he tries hard even if not everyone can see it and I wanted to say that what he does is enough. I wanted to say he's the best."

Epel held back a giggle, the same characteristic giggle he had when he was up for no good. You stared at him, not understanding why he looked so smug, not understanding why his giggles evolved into a loud laughter.

"I must say, Liebling, I'm glad to hear all this." A new voice joined the conversation and you cold tell that there was a smile on Vil's face from the way he sound.

He sounds so proud, so happy that someone appreciated everything he did.

Your soul seemed to have left your body at that very moment, slowly turning back to see Rook and Vil standing in the doorway. A quick wave of recognition passed through you, Epel knew they had been behind you this whole time! That was why he was looking back before!

You clasp your hands together, wanting nothing more than to grab a pillow and use it to beat Epel until it bursts. Fortunately, you resisted this urge, feeling your heart beat faster in your chest with each step Vil took towards you and Epel must have sensed your murderous tendencies, preferring to get away from you before you attacked him.

His smile, as you predicted, was beautiful on his lips and he seemed overjoyed to hear such genuine compliments, even though he was used to it. All the anxiety and fear of rejection you felt before seemed to melt away as soon as you held eye contact, nothing else existing but you and him. And Epel who eventually made gagging noises as the seconds passed and Rook who recited poetry about the obvious love that existed and was reciprocal between you and Vil.

"How much did you hear?" You decide to ask, deciding that you would declare yourself here and now, without caring about anything else. He was here, he was listening to you. There would be no better opportunity than this.

And Vil smiled that cocky smile that made millions of butterflies dance in your stomach, holding your chin between his fingers carefully. "I've heard enough, Liebling." He's close now, his lips brushing your sensitive ear. "Do you want to talk about it once your skin care is finished?"

You nod, feeling the force of a thousand suns shining over your head, over your skin. You feel warm, but it's not as uncomfortable as it seems, on the contrary, you feel a thread of hope growing in your chest, Vil's fingers making you smile as he carefully pulls the black mask off your face.

Being cared for and loved by him felt incredibly good. And you sighed when those expressive lilac eyes kept you captivated by his attention, feeling the cold cream being spread over your skin.

Rook and Epel's voices were like your own white noise, sounding so soft in the background like a song that you don't pay attention to the lyrics. Vil gently held your hand when everything was finished and you followed him without asking, letting him take you to his room so you could talk.

At least, at the end of the night, you had managed to tell him about all the other reasons that made you love him so deeply.

[bomberqueen17]

ow

lol so. i'm at home after the farm season right. i have so much writing i have been wanting to do, and i have succeeded at doing some of it! i had a brief "ah chicken season is over" hiatus before The Dread Deturkening, and spent that whole thing writing frantically, hence the solarpunk tall ships idea which is still in progress btw-- I did finally start a for real draft version to solicit feedback and now I realize a bunch of people's tumblr handles is not a great way to actually connect so i need to figure out how to do that-- which is beside the point of this post--

anyway. now that it's For Real Hiatus From Farm Season I'm trying to actually get my life in order and not succeeding very well.

Dude's company laid off a bunch of his team and therefore shut down the local office, so he, being the last man standing, had to go in and clear the space out. As part of that, his former desk is sitting in our garage, and I'm trying to clear out space for it in the basement. The basement is a black hole of fuckery because one year ago, some of you may remember, we had our kitchen remodeled, and we had contracted to do it in February but they called us the last week of November and said can we do it now instead, which sure but it meant I had to haul seventeen years' worth of stuff out of the kitchen into Literally Anywhere Else and then they needed me to clear out part of the basement erroneously believing they were putting in a new support pillar, which they weren't, but then they needed me to clear out a path to the back wall of the basement because the electricians needed to install a whole new panel there, so like, ok cool but it just meant a lot of things got haphazardly hauled from one corner of the basement to another in tremendous hurry with no time for keeping track of what's what. So that's a disaster and now's the time to fix it.

I have also been hauling some of it to the attic. I had been using the desk in the spare room for sewing on the days when Dude was working from his office. Since those days no longer happen, I have no access to those machines now, which are stacked in a corner. The basement is now too crowded for me to resume using the little space I'd carved out down there, so I have put some sewing stuff into the attic, which isn't insulated and is rather drafty now. But anyway. I'm rearranging a lot of things and can't make progress on any projects while that's happening.

I got a ton of reorganizing done on Monday evening in the basement (having spent the whole morning hauling shit out of dude's former office, which is now surrendered and locked and all set), and yet more Tuesday, and was hoping to finish it yesterday but Tuesday evening I fucked up my back, it felt all crunchy, and I was really worried until I woke up Wednesday in just torrents of gore, which I realized is my new perimenopausal normal-- I've started to realize that menstruation does fucky shit to all my connective tissues, so I shouldn't actually worry about my lower back destroying itself if it's also Cramp Time. So I spent yesterday absolutely immobile, dosed up on ibuprofen and just like that scene out of the Shining except wrapped in blankets and drinking herbal tea.

I also spent much of yesterday just. Unconscious? Which was weird. I don't know why I'm so fatigued but at least I'm sleeping.

(I also cleaned the oven. Do not recommend, especially not when one's lower back is doing mysterious rice krispie impressions.)

So today I was hoping to get back to work but I do feel like I've been beaten with sticks. Maybe instead I will finish working out how to get people who've expressed interest in beta-reading into a google doc.

A not so hilarious side note is that if I do not have a desk to sit at I have trouble organizing my thoughts?? IDK it's very weird but there are several tasks I need to do where I'll need to have my laptop and a sheet of paper in front of me I think, and my brain is like "illegal unless At Desk" and that's tough shit since I don't have a desk. I had started noticing it over the summer in the cabin where I also don't have a desk. How do I organize my thoughts if I can't Sit At A Desk to do it????? One would think I'd figure it out since i've spent most of my life without a desk of my very own, but. Not so far!!! Not currently.

Also a major thing my brain is Not Allowing me to do is finish preparing for Christmas. I'm not seeing family for Christmas, for the like tenth year in a row because every year we arrange to do it together my older sister fucking flakes out, and this year it was the off year but she flaked out of thanksgiving instead-- i'm not saying she doesn't flake out for good reasons, one of her kids was real sick and i'm not mad, but the fact remains, we're not seeing that bit of the family and she's not letting us make any contingency plans, so my brain is like Fine No Christmas Then and won't let me figure out what to get people for gifts and it is actually a problem because some of those people are kids and are expecting me to figure it out anyway.

argh.

my beloved godfather, my Type A mom's little underachieving alcoholic gay probably ADHD depressed college dropout brother, never was good at christmas presents for us kids either, and still managed to hold it together better than I am despite being in a relationship with a man who wouldn't allow him to tell us nieces about him and so he just showed up to all our family events and was my uncle's "friend" and we all figured it out anyway so there was no point hiding it from us but ugh they still did and i remember us at some point in the 90s, all us sisters sitting together ranging in age from high school down to elementary school and my older sister being like "we all know they're gay right" and us all being like "yeah why can't we just say it" and the oldest sister looking at me, who even then everybody knew was the gay one, and i was like "man i don't know" and we all just solemnly agreed to not mention it...

anyway

he did better than this but he died of lung cancer in '08 so I can't ask him how he managed it. (what i have in my favor is that my dad's side of the family gave me asthma so i never could have taken up smoking, so at least that won't kill me.)

He never got an ADHD diagnosis tho so I can't find out what meds he took. Well, he took whiskey, we know that. It didn't work though. and he wasn't really a loser, i've met so many people who knew and loved him now that i'm an adult and sometimes go around in the city where he lived. even now so many people remember him so fondly. and he bragged about us, his nieces, all the time, all these people know who i am as soon as i mention him. boy i miss him!!!

this is the miracle of the ADHD brain I was fretting about house cleaning and now i'm grieving my long-dead uncle, who of course I knew mostly through the lens of my mother who literally never understood him in the slightest.

[sarah-sandwich-writes]

WIP Acrostic Tag Game

I was tagged by @sheps-shepherd and of course took a week to do it and then went completely overboard and completed it for two of my wips. Sorry not sorry!

The first is OG fantasy and it's what I was working on this morning. Of Woolen Hollow:

W - When we arrive back at our little campsite, Ham's tail thumps the earth but he doesn't look away from the herd as they wander nearby, searching the pine-needle strewn dirt for grass and weeds to mow down into nothing.

A - A creak outside his door is his only warning before the doorknob turns.

N - No apologies necessary because they have a cause greater than personal pleasure and it takes precedence over everything else.

D - "Did you think you were different just because you go around in that silly costume?”

E - "Everyone thought I was losing my touch, but I got you in the end you little puke."

R - Run, run, run. Pros: If he screws this up, he’ll finally find out where the city’s missing population is. Cons: If he screws this up, he’ll be one of them.

And this is from Iron Impostor/Hometown Hero, my Harley-centric fic where parkner doesn't happen. I realized after finishing this for oWH that it was only fair to repay parkner with... the closest I've got right now which is Harley lol Also the rough draft for this is DONE I just need to edit it up and start posting but I've been hella burnt out so it just hasn't happened. Soon? Hopefully?

W - “We’re scavengers livin’ on crumbs! You think you’re all hot shit because you get to steal and think it makes you heroes. Well I just think you’re shit!” And with that he hawks a wad of spit onto Harley’s boot.

A - Abbie swallows thickly. "He was holding them off so we could get away."

N - "No, I just…" [Peter] takes in Harley like he's something new. Or unexpected. "I didn't think you'd come back once you had them."

It stings even though it shouldn't. He's given Peter no reason to think anything different. He had to have his arm twisted into every moment of heroism before, so why would this one be any different? "The plan hasn't changed," Harley says eventually. "Two idiots in, four idiots out. I was short an idiot."

D - "Don't stop fighting, but please, let me go."

He holds his wrists out to the nearest agent. "My name is Harley Keener. I think you're lookin' for me."

E - "Enough," [Mama] says. There's no heat in it this time. No bite. She sounds sad. She sits up but doesn't look him in the eye as she takes his hand in both of hers. "Please, baby, you're not hearing me."

R - Rag over his finger, [Harley] traces the ring around the extinguished light in the center of the chest plate. Then he flicks his rag clean. "[Tony] didn't say much—I think he knew how jealous I was—but he mentioned you a few times when he remembered to call. High schooler, like me. Projects you were working on. How fucking fast you picked things up. How frustrating it was that you didn't see your potential as clearly as he did." Harley's upper lip peels into a bitter smile. "I hated you for being there while I was stuck here."

Tagging: @shipskicksandgiggles @writer-or-whatever @wildswrites and anyone else who wants to play! Your word is HEIST. Good luck!

[starstruckkittensweets]

chapter two

Fandom: My Hero Academia Pairing: Dabi x Reader Words: 5.6k

A/N: Anon in my inbox, this chapter is for you! I've had this in my drafts for a while now, so I cleaned it up and edited it so I could post it ASAP. I hope you enjoy! Please heed the warnings both below and in the main masterlist!

Warnings: 18+ only (minors DNI), Reader is referred to with she/her pronouns, explicit language, mentions of arson, mentions of violence, stalking, breaking and entering, Reader is followed and nearly attacked by a stranger (nothing happens, heavily implied though), murder, brief descriptions of a corpse (it's Dabi's fault), Dabi is kind of an asshole towards Reader in his descriptions of her but that's to be expected I guess

“Kerosene and Butterflies” Masterlist

Your house used to be an akiya, one of the many abandoned homes in the rural parts of Japan. Upon graduating and moving out, you were able to snag a nice one for an affordable price, with a few investments in repairs here and there. And while your family wasn’t a hundred percent on board with the idea of you living so far away from the rest of them, they didn’t really stop you because, well, it all came out of your pocket. Why stop something if you’re not the one footing the bill, right?

It’s quiet, calm, and comes with some gorgeous scenery, especially in the fall season. Only a fifteen-minute walk to the nearest town, seven if you power walk. It’s the dream house you’ve always envisioned yourself living in when you finally grew up and moved out of your parents’ home.

But now you’re starting to see the downsides of living in such a secluded home: far away from the rest of civilization, not a single soul in sight. A perfect location for any wandering criminals looking for an easy break-in.

You haven’t slept much these last few nights. The little note is in your desk drawer, stuffed between two books and covered up with a towel. Part of you wanted to throw it out, to stuff it down the shredder, to burn it and toss the ashes somewhere in the forest—but eventually you caved and decided to keep it. Maybe hand it over to the police as evidence if any more were left behind.

But it’s been the only one for about a week or so. And since then, you’ve triple checked each lock on every door and window in this house, even scoped out the entire place from outside to make sure there weren’t any crevices or secret entrances anyone could use against you. And just as a precaution, you keep your old softball bat right next to your bed, brushing your fingers over the handle every night before you go to sleep.

Not like it’ll do much against an attacker, you barely have any arm strength to begin with. Still, it gives you something to cling onto.

And now the moon is high in the sky, and you still have to get ready for work tomorrow. Part of you wonders if you should stay in a hotel for a couple nights in the city, but you decide against it. You have to save up for bills anyway, there’s not enough cash between weekly grocery shopping and student loans to splurge on a hotel getaway. Besides, it’s not like anyone can get into this house anymore; you’ve latched both locks on the front door and shoved a bookcase in front of the kitchen window. The curtains are shut and the lights are off. No one’s getting in here now.

You wish you could remember anything about that night—anything unusual, like missing items or unusual scents. But you’d been so tired from your shift that you’d thought nothing of it, completely oblivious until you found that little note tucked away in your notebook.

The little black notebook you’re cradling against your chest, an uncapped pen trembling between your fingers.

Someone was in your house. Someone had found this book—had leafed through it and read your little entries. All the embarrassing words and thoughts that plagued your mind in the dead of night, and sometimes during the day, about a certain black-haired villain. Someone who had left a taunting note about it, leaving you rattled for days on end.

Oh god, I can’t believe someone saw all those notes and entries—they must think I’m a total weirdo! I thought no one could find it and read it, that’s why I kept writing—but oh my god what’s going to happen now? What if they come back and try looking through it again? What if—

Calm down, it’s okay, what’s the worst that could happen? So what if they read all your embarrassing writing? It’s not like they’re going to go to the police and tell them you have the hots for a villain. You’re not gonna get arrested for something like that.

You grit your teeth at the thought. You do not have the hots for him.

Go figure, you’re more hung up over the fact that someone’s read what you’ve written in your little diary rather than them actually breaking into your own fucking house.

Maybe you really are screwed up in the head.

As quickly as you can, you change into your pajamas and finish your nightly routine. You tuck yourself into bed, surrounded by the trio of plushies next to your pillow. As sad as it sounds, they give you a sense of comfort you haven’t felt since before you left home to come live here.

Maybe it was just a one-time thing. Maybe it was just some lowlife who thought he could scare you. Maybe he’s far away from this place by now, looking for another house to break into. Besides, it’s not like he took much, right? He’s probably traveling light in order not to get caught. He’s not gonna come back anytime soon.

It’s true, only a few snacks and candy bars from the counter were taken that night. You realized the next morning, after staying up the entire night holding the note in your hands. Not enough to put a dent in your food supply for the week, but enough for you to notice its absence.

If it happens again, you could always contact the police. Maybe they could get a hero or two to patrol the area, to make sure he’s really gone. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Sure enough, the thought’s enough to send you to sleep, with a hand curled around the handle of the softball bat, and another wrapped around the little stuffed toys on your bed.

“I have some terrible news…the pocky I was planning on sending you mysteriously disappeared.”  

“Shocker.” The sound of Fay’s laughter crackles over the phone’s speaker. Part of you wants to laugh along with her, but the growing pit in your stomach tells you it’s not a good idea just yet. “Did your brother come over and steal it again?”

“No…actually, his is gone, too.”

“Wait, seriously? What happened to it? Because I know you suddenly didn’t get a craving for pocky in the middle of the night.”

You shrug your shoulders, even though you know she can’t see you. Even if she’s miles away overseas, just talking to her again makes you feel a little bit safer. Like nothing can hurt you if she’s on the phone with you.

No scary people lurking outside your home tonight.

“I…I think someone broke in and stole it.”

“What?!” It’s hard not to flinch at her shrill yelp. Why did you put her on speakerphone again? “Someone broke into your house?! Are you okay? They didn’t take anything valuable, did they? No money or electronics? You still have all your personal stuff, right?”

“Yeah, Fay, don’t worry about it. Everything’s in order. Looks like they just helped themselves to that stash of candy I was saving for you guys. But…that’s all they took.”

Fuck, even when you say it out loud it sounds ridiculous. What kind of thief breaks into someone’s secluded house just to steal a fistful of candy? Not a very smart one, if they ignored the whole gaming system you have set up in the living room. You could easily make a few hundred bucks off of that…so why didn’t they think to take it when they had the chance?

Fay hums on the other end of the line; you can just picture her tapping her finger against her chin, lost in thought as she stares into space. “…That’s weird. And you’re sure they didn’t take anything else?”

“Positive.” You checked each room twice, then triple checked them just to be safe. Everything’s in order, aside from the supply of candy in the kitchen. “But…it happened about a week ago. Nothing else since then, so…I’m guessing that’s a good sign?”

“Well, did you call the police at least? Or put in a report? Maybe you can have a couple heroes scope out the place if you’re nervous.”

“Yeah, I thought about that too… If it happens again I’ll let them know. But honestly I think it was just a one-time thing. It’s been pretty quiet since it happened, anyway.”

You don’t even bother telling her about the note; you know if you do, she’ll be screaming in your ear about how dangerous it is over here, that you should just move back home to be with the rest of your family and friends. Safe and sound, where they can keep a close eye on you.

Not like there aren’t villains and lowlife criminals where she lives, but still… You can kinda see her point. Nothing like this had ever happened back when you lived with your family.

Besides, telling her about the note will only lead to telling her about the journal—about Dabi, and you’re never going to go there with her. You trust each other with a lot, but this is a secret you’re willing to take to your grave.

Nice way of putting it, but whatever.

Can you even imagine how fucking awkward that would be? Yeah, I ran into one of Japan’s most wanted villains at my job and now I’m fucking obsessed with him. I can’t stop thinking about him and honestly he’s the reason I started writing in that old journal again. Oh, and whoever broke into my house also found that journal and read through all those stupid little entries I wrote about him. And they left me a little note taunting me about it. Fucking amazing, right?

She already knows you’re weird, but admitting something like that to her would guarantee her checking you into some kind of hospital. Or back home with your family. Honestly at this point, you don’t know which one would be worse.

Thankfully she drops the subject; you can tell the time difference is getting to her (it’s almost her bedtime, and the day’s just beginning for me). But talking with her always puts you in a good mood, and when you say your goodbyes and hang up, your chest already feels a thousand times lighter. If you have one regret upon moving overseas, it’s not being able to bring Fay along for the ride.

But now the house is quieter without her voice echoing through the rooms. Today’s housecleaning day, and thankfully it’s nice enough outside to have the windows open. The fresh air always makes you feel better. And besides, it’s broad daylight—what kind of thief would try to break in now?

So you change into an old shirt and pair of shorts, push open the windows, and set to work. First comes the laundry—you’re lucky enough to have a working washing machine and dryer in the powder room downstairs. Once the first load of clothes is shoved into the washer, you head upstairs with a bucket of rags in one hand and a mop in another.

The first casualty is your bedroom; you’ll work your way downstairs and clean as much as you can, until the smell of lemon makes your stomach twist.

The hours tick by slowly, and eventually you lose yourself in your housework, humming along to the thousands of songs on shuffle blasting through your headphones. Sweep the floor, mop the floor, polish the windows—oh, don’t forget to switch the laundry. One load down, two more to go.

And it’s…nice. Not that you enjoy doing housework, but it’s almost relaxing to keep your hands busy with something else for a change. Keeps your mind off other things, lets you focus on the gorgeous weather outside and the fact that it’s you day off from work. Sometimes it’s nice to just enjoy the simple things like that.

Don’t even mention the events of last week. All that’s over with now, gone with the wind. And thank goodness for that.

The sun is nearly gone by the time you finish, and you’re fucking exhausted. But at least the laundry’s done and folded, the upstairs is spotless (save for the storage room, that’s a project for another day), and the entire house has a faint lemon scent to it. Not overpowering, but just enough to remind you of home.

Still, even with how tired you are, the last thing you wanna do is dirty up the kitchen and make yourself some dinner. Maybe you should treat yourself to that cute little ramen shop in town…

The more you think about it, the more enticing the idea sounds. Your stomach is already growling, but you manage to change into a fresh pair of clothes and fix up your hair a bit before heading out the door. Heavy lanyard hanging from your wrist as you lock up and head into town.

Just a quick bite to eat, and then it’s bedtime. In and out, twenty minutes’ adventure. What could go wrong?

He didn’t expect to see her out and about this early in the day.

Granted it’s nearly half past nine, a dark veil over the streets of the city. But it still makes Dabi stop in his tracks, huddle further into the alleyway when he sees her sitting at the counter of a ramen shop. Eagerly slurping up noodles from the bowl in front of her, scrolling aimlessly through her phone. Completely unaware of her surroundings.

As per usual, the little idiot.

Well, he can’t be too mean to her; she has been a bit skittish the last week or so. Probably found his note in that little book of hers, and now she’s more careful about wandering too far from her little house in the woods. She hasn’t left it much other than to go to work, and unknown to her, he’s only a few steps away from that downtrodden path. Making sure she gets home safe.

At least, that’s what a hero would think, and he’s the furthest thing from one. Nah, he just doesn’t want anything to happen to that little stash of food she’s got in the kitchen. Thanks to her generosity the League was able to fill their bellies for a few nights. Only downside is that Toga is consistently begging him to get more of those candy bars, maybe even some more pocky. She seemed to like that the most.

He’s just thankful she hasn’t decided to follow him out here. No telling what the little psycho will do if she sees the cute owner of that tiny house.

…Cute?

He grimaces at the word. Not even close. Just fascinating to him. He wants to know what’s going on in that stupid little head of hers—how much of it is filled with air and empty space if she has the balls to go and write little love letters to a villain like him.

He’s been to her house three times since then; two for recon (making sure no one else is scoping out the area), and one to explore that huge master bedroom of hers. She’d been at work, not scheduled to come home until hours later, so he made himself comfy at her desk and flipped through her little journal.

She’s got a bad habit of writing about him. Not any other villains, not even any heroes. The only name scrawled down in those pages is Dabi.

He hadn’t seen her up close since that first night at the store; and now she’s just ten feet away from him, chowing down on some ramen like she hasn’t eaten all week.

Bet she’s eaten more than any of us have, if her loaded kitchen’s anything to go by. The thought makes his stomach twist and his fists tighten at his sides.

But he has to keep his distance—for now, at least. Don’t wanna scare her off just yet.

Dabi pulls his hood up and over his head, careful not to make any sudden noise from the alleyway. She’s sitting there with two other guys, all three of them too engrossed in their meals to pay attention to each other. Looks like she won’t be leaving anytime soon, so he might as well get comfy.

Not like he has much to do tonight anyways. He’s been hanging out here since the sun went down, waiting for a possible new addition to the League. But he hasn’t shown his face yet, and Dabi’s waited long enough. Can’t waste time on nobodies not committed to the cause.

Of course now he’s got a reason to stick around a bit longer—one that’s slurping up noodles so loud he’s surprised she hasn’t woken the entire neighborhood.

He lights a cigarette, careful to shield the spark of blue from any prying eyes. Only a few people roam the streets this late at night, eager to get home and tuck themselves in bed for the night. A tipsy couple getting a little too handsy on their way to their hotel room. A group of teens chattering away like they’re the only ones in the world. Far too many businessmen checking their watches, probably planning on apologizing to their wives for not making it home on time.

All of them walk by him, too lost in their own troubles to notice a villain lurking a little too close to the streets. Guess nothing’s unusual about a guy leaning in an alleyway for a quick smoke.

He glances back up at the girl, just in time to see her finish off the bowl of ramen. She bids farewell to the owner, and from the smiles they give each other, it’s safe to say they have a bit of history together. He barely has time to sneak further into the shadows of the alleyway before she’s walking past him, that damn lanyard nearly hitting him in the knee.

She’s on the move now. He stomps out his cigarette and shoves his hands in his pockets. Wonder where she’ll head off to next?

She doesn’t veer off towards the path that’ll take her home. Instead she keeps walking aimlessly through the streets, drinking in the bright lights of the city, not even caring if someone nearly walks right into her. It’s getting harder to stick to the shadows, but at least the people around us give him enough cover. She hasn’t seemed to notice him following her.

Not yet, at least. And when she does…

It’s hard not to smile at the thought.

She’s lost in her own little world, admiring the sights like a fucking tourist. Like she doesn’t live in this damn city—oh that’s right, she doesn’t. She’s living out in those woods, secluded and tucked away in the shadows. Part of him wonders if she hates it, living on her own like that. If she was forced to or had nowhere else to go but an old cottage with a sunken roof and a coat of moss.

Must be so lonely in that big house, with no one to keep you company.

Eh, not that it matters to me anyway. She’s just a way to pass the time. To keep his hands busy until he gets bored of her. Or she gets bored of him.

Wonder if she’s written any love notes for me lately?

Suddenly she bumps into a random person in the crowd ahead; she shakes her head and offers an awkward smile, a thousand apologies spilling from her pretty lips. And then she’s off again, lost in the sea of city folk.

The man doesn’t move, frozen still on the edge of the sidewalk. The bastard’s a bit grimy, with an unkempt beard and bloodshot eyes. Apparently someone doesn’t care a whole lot about appearances.

Not that Dabi has much room to talk, looking like the patchwork freak he is.

But then the stranger glances over his shoulder, eyes searching deep into the crowd…and something stirs in the pit of Dabi’s chest. Something hot and sharp that sends alarm bells ringing through his head.

What the fuck is his problem?

The man’s shoulders stiffen, jaw clenching tightly—and suddenly he’s walking straight into the crowd, his eyes trained on her back.

And she’s none the wiser, poor, stupid little girl.

Dabi doesn't know what kicks him into gear; what has his feet moving on their own, every step sending a jolt of adrenaline rushing through his body. Once or twice he actually shoves someone out of the way, earning a couple dirty looks—or averted eyes, if they’re smart. But he doesn’t pay them any mind; all he can think about is getting to her before he does.

What the fuck has gotten into him? Since when does her safety and well-being concern him?

He should turn around. Pretend he didn’t see anything and walk the fuck away. Maybe head back to the shitty excuse the League calls a base, it’s a pretty boring night anyway.

Turn around. She’s not worth it.

Not worth it, not fucking worth it.

Like he hasn’t heard those words before.

She’s blissfully unaware of the audience she has, as she follows the familiar path towards the forest that’ll take her home. The stranger is close behind, footsteps too loud and clumsy. She’ll know she’s being followed the minute he hits the dirt.

Dabi has to be quick. While she’s occupied with heading home, he picks up the pace and meets the stranger halfway. Curling one arm around his shoulders, slapping a hand over his mouth to stifle his screams, as he yanks him into the nearest alley. His other hand lifts up to the stranger’s face, a spark of blue coming to life at his fingertips.

“Not really in the mood to play tonight,” his voice drawls out, making sure to keep his back turned to the forest, “so if you start running now I promise not to hunt you down.”

He’s not worth his time; just some lowly trash who thought he could score big tonight. And Dabi can see it in his face, with the way he glares up at him, stringy hair hanging in his face, mouth curled into a sneer…

Wait, is he smiling at me?

“Didn’t think you were following me,” he sputters out once he moves his scarred hand from his face. “I thought you wanted to meet up near that ramen place?”

Dabi’s hand freezes in the air. This is the guy he’s been waiting for? He shoves him to his feet, stuffing his hands in his pocket.

“You’re late.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” The man runs a hand through his greasy hair; Dabi barely manages to hide his grimace. “Something came up, and then I ran into…”

His gaze darts towards the trees, his tongue dragging along his lips. Dabi takes a step forward, the sound of his heavy boots echoing through the alley. The man clears his throat before meeting his eyes once more. Credit to him, he doesn’t flinch away when he sees Dabi’s face head-on.

Probably can’t see the severity of his scars in this light.

“Hey, you didn’t happen to see a girl come by this way, did you?”

“Stay away from her.”

The man’s face falls, and Dabi swears he can see his body tremble just a bit. “Oh, is she yours? Lucky man! Gotta say, pretty little thing like that shouldn’t be walking around in the dark… Quite a few dangerous fuckers out there wouldn’t mind getting their hands on a woman like that.”

Dabi can feel his blood boiling with every word that leaves the man’s lips. It’s not like he hasn’t come across men like this before; he has, and every single time they’ve left him with a twisting stomach and a burning throat. Eager to hunt down the weak, to prey on them till there’s nothing left—but when they’re confronted about it, they turn the other cheek and play that sweet innocent smile. Quite a few heroes do it to keep order in the public eye, so it’s no surprise a common citizen would stoop so low to save their skin.

But it’s the way he keeps staring at the trees, like he’s hoping she comes back out into the dim streetlight, that makes Dabi’s hands curl into fists inside his pockets. Call it a gut feeling, but something tells him he’s not worthy enough of being admitted into the League. Like hell is this bastard going anywhere near Toga if that’s how he looks at a girl.

Breaks my fucking heart.

But he can’t kill him yet. Gotta give him a chance to prove himself before anything else happens. Something about false hope, makes it a little more fun in the end. Even though he already knows the verdict on the matter.

“Let’s just get this over with.”

The sound of glass shattering jolts you out of your slumber. Your eyes snap open, your heart lurches in your throat—and when you hear the creak of the stairs, you almost scream right then and there.

Almost.

You have barely a minute to think. Mind still frazzled with sleep, fingers still numb and head splitting with a throbbing ache. You completely forget the bat resting beside your bed and drop to your knees. Thank god you never put anything under here.

You crawl underneath the bed and slap both hands over your mouth. Your phone is resting on the bedside table, you didn’t even think to grab it. All you can think about are the impending footsteps—and the fact they come to a stop right outside your door.

Oh my fucking god, why didn’t I ever put a proper bed skirt in when I moved in here?! At least then I could be better hidden, anyone can see me if they’re looking hard enough! It’s so dark in here, but I’m almost positive anyone can see me—

Someone raps their knuckles on the door. It takes every bit of strength in your body not to squeak at the noise.

They’re outside. Oh god, they’re right outside the fucking door, shit—

Another knock. You squeeze your eyes shut, teeth sinking into the skin of your palm.

Then, silence.

You don’t know how much time passes. Seconds, hours, it all blends together. Your face hurts from being scrunched up for so long, but the minute you relax your muscles you think you hear a noise—and you clench your eyes shut all over again.

There’s someone in my house. They must’ve broke through one of the windows downstairs, but how? I thought I had them all blocked off and shut!

Is it the same person who came to my house before? The same one that left me a note? Or is it someone completely different?

What’s stopping them from busting down the door and killing me right here and now? Why are they just standing out there like a fucking creep?

Eventually, the footsteps can be heard again. But there’s a creak on the staircase, a telltale sign the intruder’s retreating for now. Something heavy falls somewhere downstairs, probably one of the bookcases against the windows, the sound rumbling throughout the entire house. Your nails sink into the skin of your cheeks; part of you wonders if the intruder is tearing up your home in hopes you’ll come out to investigate the noise.

No fucking way. Your ass is staying right here, glued to the floor beneath this bed.

But then it suddenly stops, and it’s quiet again. Only for a moment, before you hear the sound of glass being kicked around, of the door downstairs opening with a harsh swing.

You don’t find the courage to breathe until you hear the door shut with a heavy slam, the walls rattling all around you.

Still, you wait a few more minutes before moving from your spot. As quietly as possible, wincing every time the floorboards squeak beneath your weight. Keeping your eyes on the door ahead, you reach up and feel around the bedside table for your phone—finally finding it and glancing at the time.

Four thirty-six in the morning. Half an hour before sunrise.

I think I’m going to be sick.

So you wait it out. Hunched beneath your bed with your phone in one hand and your bat in the other. Until sunlight streams through the curtains, bathing the room in a warm orange glow. Only then do you swallow your fear and open the door with a trembling hand.

There’s…nothing outside in the hallway. Just the usual wooden floor you’ve come to know over the last couple of years. The same one that’s always a pain to wash on housecleaning day.

The sun is your best friend, filling the house with a gorgeous golden aura. Shining through every window, nearly blinding you as you slowly make your way down the stairs. You don’t know what sick part of your brain makes you think you’re safe in the sunlight; for all you know, the intruder is still lurking outside your home, waiting for you to let your guard down.

Maybe it’s the same part of your brain that thinks you’re okay as long as you have the covers pulled up over your head at night. Yeah, that’s gotta be it.

At first glance, the entire downstairs seems normal. The front door remains shut, like it was never opened in the first place. The bookshelf is still in front of the large window in the kitchen where you left it. It’s the one in the living room that’s been shattered completely, shards of glass sprinkled on the floor, glimmering in the morning sun. A soft breeze flutters through the living room; you wrap your arms around yourself and turn away, already thinking about how much it’ll cost to get that fixed.

And then you see it—resting right there on the kitchen table, in the midst of all your shopping lists, bill payments, and letters to your family and friends back home.

A single rose with gorgeous red petals, its stem plucked of any dangerous thorns. Something that definitely wasn’t there last night when you went to bed.

Your hand is trembling as you reach out to grab it. There’s nothing else, just a lone flower with blood red petals—and the lingering scent of smoke and ash.

But something else on the table catches your eye. A piece of crumpled paper, clearly ripped from the notepad you keep on the kitchen counter for lists and reminders throughout the day. You’re shaking so hard you can barely get a grip on it, nearly tearing it in half when you try to open it up.

Sorry about the mess out back, doll. He won’t be bothering you anytime soon. Hope you can forgive me if I scared you.

You know it the second you see it: the handwriting is the same exact kind as the note from your journal. The same messy scrawl, the same swirl on the tail of the y, the same pet name doll.

Doll, doll—shit, it’s the same guy from before!

Wait a minute…what does he mean, ‘the mess out back’?

The longer you stay there, the stronger the scent of smoke gets. At first it was just a whiff, but now it’s hitting you square in the face, so strong you have to lift your sleeve over your nose.

Where is it coming from?

But you know the answer even before your feet begin to move. As slowly as you can, you start to walk towards the broken window. Trying to ignore the churn in your stomach as the smell of smoke gets stronger and stronger.

The early morning sun spills over the trees, creeping up the deck that stretches around the perimeter of the house. Broken glass glitters across the floor, twinkling like diamonds; your hands are trembling as you reach the railing of the deck, leaning over to peek around the corner—

The smell hits you almost instantly, even before your eyes land on it. Something large and charred and smoking horribly, reminding you of all the barbeque picnics your family would have over the summer. But it’s a gruesome smell, far too pungent to be a piece of food or part of a tree.

And too fucking big to be an animal.

Fuck, fuck, fuck it’s a human, it’s gotta be a human, holy fucking shit is that someone’s corpse out there on my lawn—

Someone screams in the distance—no, that’s just you, and you realize a little too late as you slap both hands over your mouth. You can’t tear your eyes away from the scene—your eyes nearly popping out of your skull when you make out a few bits of ragged fabric and the shape of a hand, scorched down to the bone.

The rose falls to the floor as you bolt back up the stairs, nearly tripping over your own feet at least twice, and slamming your bedroom door shut behind you. Locking it tight and crawling back into bed, throwing as many blankets over your head as you can. Keeping your bat close and holding your phone against your chest.

It takes a solid five minutes before you can punch in any numbers, your voice dying in your throat with every word you speak.

It’s okay, the police are on their way. Maybe they’ll bring a hero or two to help them out—it’s alright, everything will be fine once they show up.

Your head is spinning like crazy (it’s too early in the morning for this shit). The break-in, the corpse, the note, the rose—what the fuck does it all mean? Somehow it’s all connected, there’s no fucking way all of this could be just a series of coincidences, but you know you’re still missing the bigger picture.

Who’s following you around, leaving you little notes and shit, and why did they leave a burning corpse outside your door like that? Hard to believe it, but you’re actually looking forward to going to work tonight. Anything to get you out of this house for a bit.

[stvaltiel]

4, 17 and 29 :3

hiii cali 🤠🫶🏽

4.) a story idea you haven’t written yet

- there's SO many if we're being real but lately ive been thinking about ashe and sejuani having a kind-of-but-not-really secret relationship where they sneak off to see each other every few months and it's somehow more and less than they want

17.) talk about your writing and editing process

- uhhh i start off with whatever idea is calling to me in the moment and i just freeball it lmao. i write out of order, i'll research as i go if i need to. i almost never outline and if i do, it's just bullet point sentence fragments so i know what i wanna say without getting too caught up in the details. i keep a big doc with outtakes and headcanons and notes for each fic bc you never know what's gonna be useful. i hate editing tbh so all i really do is skim the work once im done and clean up any little spelling/grammar mistakes, make sure everything reads the way i want it to and then i post it! the whole process takes maybe 30 mins max and my first draft is almost always the final draft

29.) how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

- pretty easy! most of my titles are song lyrics and i usually have one in mind while im writing. really the hardest part is remembering where it came from bc im shit at remembering titles lmao

shoot me a number!

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Domestic Established Relationship Masterlist

Links last checked: May 6th, 2025

2009, 2012, 2019, 2022 (ao3) - OliveTheHobbit

Summary: “Most people have like yearly photo books, we have this weird ass videos” - Daniel Howell, some bloopers from phil is not on fire 10.

Some of the memories they gathered along the way got fresh in their minds at the moment they decided to buy a photo album.

In celebration to Dan and Phil’s 10th anniversary.

A Day in the Life of Dan and Phil in Quarantine! (ao3) - silentdescant

Summary: Phil posts a Day in the Life video of a typical day in quarantine.

Baby Names - doomedhowell

Summary: Dan and Phil arguing over baby names, very domestic.

blankets, coffees and afternoon naps (ao3) - zsunsetz

Summary: Blankets, coffee and afternoon naps have become the new normal.

Coming Clean and Kisses on Screen (ao3) - hygge

Summary: Dan and Phil are finally ready to make the news of their marriage and their new family public.

Dan and Phil and DOG (ao3) - nivi_chip

Summary: It’s Phil’s birthday, and Dan gets him a gift that’s long overdue

dan buys a skirt (ao3) - baroquen

Summary: Dan is thinking about buying a skirt. Phil thinks this is a very good idea.

Doing Nothing Often Leads To The Very Best Of Something (ao3) - kae_karo

Summary: based on this (x) and a lil imagine i wrote (x) and expanded on so thanks to the lovely anon who originally sent "that pic phil posted of dan for his bday i think where dan is making a funny face and theres a nearly empty wine bottle in the background hhhhh that makes my demon heart drop" and to the lovely anon who asked for more!

Forever Home (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Phil’s wanted a dog for as long as he can remember, and now that he and Dan are moving into their new house, it’s the perfect opportunity. But there’s just one problem: Phil’s allergic to dogs.

Home For Good (ao3) - hygge

Summary: Phil gets drafted for World War III. Dan and their daughter, Emily, try to maintain a normal life while Phil is away.

Let's Be Alone Together (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: There are times when Dan and Phil feel so much like a married couple, that they forget they aren’t actually married. However, neither one of them are complaining about it. (Also known as the most domestic and fluffy fic I’ve ever written).

Look what I made the birthday boy (ao3) - phandemigods

Summary: Dan made a super sweet video for Phil's 30th birthday and they decide to post it. It's just a pile of domestic fluff

Noted (ao3) - whisksandplungers

Summary: Dan liked to leave romantic notes for Phil. Most of the time, Phil loved them. And sometimes, Phil would be left staring at the note, absolutely clueless.

Share A Bed, Share A Life (ao3) - JenCollins, WordsAblaze

Summary: Having a child is a stressful, time-consuming, argument-inducing process but, naturally, Dan and Phil ride the ups and downs together, ending up just fine. Fulfilling prompts 'age changes' and 'sharing a bed' for the phandom fic fests, enjoy!

Sugar Rush (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Phil shouldn’t have had so much sugar before bed, now he’s a hyper little shit and Dan really just wants to sleep.

the stupid sushi bubble bath fic (ao3) - itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualweeb)

Summary: dip and pip cuddle and eat sushi and take a bubble bath like the nerds they are.

They Were Forever (ao3) - developerdaniel

Summary: While keeping everything soft and sweet their kiss quickly grew into more as Dan's hands slid their way up Phil's loose tee, pushing it up while his explored his lover's soft skin. Phil let out a gentle gasp into the younger's mouth at the feeling. Dan's touches were soft, feather light, enough to send a shiver up Phil's spine and raise goosebumps where Dan's hands had once been. ~ aka the fic where dan and phil have a casual night at home that ends with them passionately making love

Today Is For Us (ao3) - CaibrynM

Summary: Dan and Phil take a day for themselves in between the tour ending, planning for their premiere in Brazil and the upcoming Christmas Holidays. Lots of Fluff and a little smut.

Told You So (ao3) - flymetomanchester

Summary: Neither really care about the holiday. but when they move in together Phil can’t help but care about thanksgiving. It has to be perfect. Nothing can go wrong right?

Worth the Wait (ao3) - JudeAraya

Summary: It's pretty hard to stay mad at Phil, even when he's forgotten date night.

[thesymphonytrue]

Hiiii! You know I love your longer fics—the Ghosts and Echoes series and your wing au fic! And I was wondering how you stay motivated to work on longer fics. And come up with manageable plots that are still interesting to read. (Sincerely someone working on a longer project while also experiencing writers block 😅)

HIIII!!! 🥰 thanks for the ask, @ascreamintothevoid-blog <3 <3 <3

Aw thank you so much!! I had fun writing them!! And your comments kept me going when I hit roadblocks, honestly!! 😅

MOTIVATION: oh man motivation for longer fics....well...I'd say with my first long fic, Ghosts, I kind of kept into it blindly and then had to finish it, it was my first fic I'd posted for the White Collar fandom and while I had about 50% of it finished, if I hadn't gotten such encouraging comments, I don't think I would have ever finished it. The comments gave me such motivation, because people were reading my story and liking it and I was just....thrilled 😭🥹 On that vein, maybe I crave human interaction or feedback on my stories too much, but with all of the long fics I have written, I have started posting them when I'm about 50-80% finished writing it....then the reader feedback helps me get to the final sprint to the end. so...THANK YOU to anyone who has commented on my longer fics, it really helps with motivation! 🥹

The other two, I definitely had to do more "scheduled writing" to finish them---I made a goal of writing a chapter per week while simultaneously editing a previous chapter. It was a reasonable goal at the time and helped me through the slumps of not being "inspired"---I just would sit down and word vomit into my draft and then clean it up later 😂 Long fics feel like a marathon. They are fun, but exhausting!

PLOT DEVELOPMENT: Okay, so plot. LOL. I struggled with this, because, ya know, fanfic is so often inspired by just ~vibes~ 😂 Let me take the wingfic AU as an example for how I developed the plot, so there will be spoilers for that below if you haven't read it:

Normally my fics start with a vibe-like inspiration and then I kind of weave the plot around that. With longer fics, I figure out my climax of the story, and then scatter the characters and make their individual trails to get there. If that makes sense?

So let's take Neal in the wingfic for example. His climax in this story is after having searched for belonging, he finally finds his "family." That was the basic goal. Then, I had certain moments I wanted in the plot: the wing sacrifices, for example, so I placed those moments in the plot. THEN, I connected those moments. The connecting of the moments is the hardest for me lol. ( I do outline in detail long fics in a journal and draft several outlines before settling on one. )

Then, after I have my main characters plots developed, I start weaving in the villains and side characters. In this fic, I had never planned on developing Peter's father, John, until I started writing----then all of a sudden his story just appeared in my head and had to be told. So I had to adjust my original plot, but his story made the plot much richer, so perhaps he was meant to be there all along. It's weird. But most of the time plots like that just...it's like the characters actually tell me their story in my mind and I'm just listening to them.

and hrmmm making them manageable and interesting? Well, to me they don't seem riveting because I know the whole story. LOL. I have to remember that the reader is only seeing what I have shown them so far, so they likely will find it more exciting than I will writing it. I keep it manageable by limiting the characters and character POVs...and...by not getting into macro plots (like social justice for Flyers like I wanted to, but it was just too much for me to handle).

OKAYYY long answer but I hope that helps!! Thank you so much for the ask!! I actually have been struggling with lack of motivation/writer's block lately (seriously, my mind is EMPTTTYYYY for fics rn 😭) and this helped me remember how fun it is to write and makes me want to get back to it.

Also good luck on your longer project!! you can do it. Just baby steps and small chunks at a time---that's how I stayed at it, a tiny bit of writing per day, and when you need a break, take a break! the inspiration will flood into your brain when it's ready 😎

[sinnaea]

"Lesson Learned" part 2?

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who read my latest Wesker/Reader fic on AO3 and left very wonderful comments. It really does mean the world to me that it was enjoyed by so many of you, so thank you! I've even received some DMs regarding the ending and the possibility of a part 2. And after much thought, I've decided yes!

The fic was always intended to be a one-shot and this original blog post was actually an explanation why I wanted to keep it that way while also sharing ideas IF the story were to continue. Ideas started flowing and I eventually just wrote an outline for the continuation.

So, here is the first page draft of "Lesson Learned: Further Testing." (If you haven't read the original fic, the link is provided below. Otherwise, keep reading and enjoy.)

Lesson Learned: Further Testing

The warmth of the sun’s rays breaking through the heavy curtains woke you from your slumber. Your eyes felt weighty and you couldn’t remember the last time you didn’t rise to an alarm clock. But you did remember where you laid; Master Wesker’s bed. Your heart started to thump as you silently inhaled, excited to greet him. Mindful of your master’s presence, you carefully outstretched your limbs and turned to face him. However, the space next to you was empty.

You sat up quick and your eyes scanned the bedchamber. The fireplace was lightly crackling meaning it had been lit not too long ago. And, to your surprise, the floor was clear of the porcelain pieces of the shattered vase and your torn clothes from the night before. The room had been tidied. Worried the master might have cleaned the room himself, you hopped off the bed and began to make the sheets before he would return.

Suddenly, the door to the bathroom opened. You quickly turned toward the sound and found Master Wesker standing in the doorway. He looked relaxed and content as he stood in his black lounge pants and with a single hand towel draped over his shoulder. Steam and the smell of body wash emanated from the bathroom. It was refreshing.

Tense yet happy to see your master, you slightly bowed to him. “Good morning, Master,” you greeted with blushing cheeks.

He approached you with a smile. He placed a gentle finger underneath your chin and tilted your head up to him. “Good morning, dearheart,” he said soothingly. “How do you feel? Are you hurt anywhere?”

Hurt. The lesson he had given you the night before did make your body feel sore as you began to notice. But, to be completely honest with yourself, you never felt better just to be given the privilege.

“Let me check you,” Wesker said. He gently turned you around and placed a hand on your back, prompting you to bend over slightly. He lifted the bottom of the button-up shirt you were wearing over your bare rear and examined. “My poor dear,” he said and lightly swiped his hand over your welts. “Come.”

The master led you to the bathroom where you found the tub filled with inviting steaming water. He pulled the shirt down and off your body, held your hand as you shyly stepped into the soothing warmth. His large hands ran all over your skin, washing you. Caressing you. Making sure you were clean and well taken care of.

He was making you hot all over again. It wasn’t just the water. A small moan escaped your lungs and you held back the urge to kiss him. Wesker chuckled softly at your reactions and finally planted a light kiss on your temple. And you just melted.

Clothes were even picked out for you by the master. He buttoned you up in a white dress shirt and tucked it snugly into a black skirt. Making you look sleek and perfect to his liking. In return, as Wesker dressed himself, you helped him with his tie. His usual blue icicles were soft and kind as he carefully observed you. His gaze no longer felt heavy upon you and you were certain he saw you as something more.