#both to have my own space and also to be able to reliably drive to work

[softlyforged]

stuck in a spiral of being unemployed and needing a job and not having a car for broadening my options and without a job I don't have insurance so I can't afford therapy or meds and my agoraphobia has gotten worse without meds or therapy and is making it even more difficult to find a job

[newtonsheffield]

Loving the tattoo/flower shop atory! Do Kate and Anthony ever talk about him getting rid of his bike when they have neddy? I know youve written that he gets into a minor wreck at one point. Does that make them discuss about what happens when they have kids?

I don’t think they really need to have a conversation about it. I think Anthony still has his bike but it’s not really practical with a baby. He’s already had one accident and that scared them both a little but also… you can’t attach a baby seat to the back of a motorcycle. And he needs to be able to be there for his partner and child as much as possible. If something happens and Kate needs him to pick up the baby he wants to be able to step up. Barely a week goes by after Kate discovers she’s pregnant before Anthony’s loitering at the door of her father’s garage nervously.

“Anthony,” Tharman called out as he appeared, wiping his hands on a rag. “Everything alright, Mate? Kate’s okay, you’re okay?”

“Yeah, yes.” Anthony stuck his hand out for the other man to shake. “We’re um… we’re great.”

Anthony swallowed, sure the older man could see the news they’d yet to share written all over his face.

“Bike’s okay?”

“Yeah, runs great but that’s actually ah.. why I’m here. I’m looking to get a car. Um… it’s.. hard trying to… borrow one whenever I need to drive the littles around and I was just wondering if you could give me a bit of advice on what’s reliable and that sort of thing.”

“ ‘Course I can.” Tharman smiled warmly, clapping him on the shoulder. “I was just about to break for lunch. Let’s figure out what you’re after.”

He avoided Kate’s father’s expressions when Anthony wondered aloud about space for car seats and cleared his throat, “Just… planning for the future I guess.”

It’s Friday night by the time he takes his plan to Kate, his chin resting on her shoulder. “Wanna come look at cars with me tomorrow?”

Kate’s brow furrowed. “Are you looking at cars?”

“Well, as cute as it would be to see it in a sidecar; I can’t take the baby on the bike, Babe.”

Kate chuckled, “Yeah, I guess not. But I have a car.”

“I just…” Anthony cleared his throat, “I just want to be a good partner. I want you to be able to rely on me and I think… the bike just doesn’t fit my life anymore. It’s not as practical.”

“I can rely on you.” Kate said firmly. “You know I’m not worried about you being a Dad, right? You know I’m excited to do this with you. Only you.”

Anthony held her tightly, “I’m excited to do this with you too. I do need a car though.”

Kate sighed, kissing him gently, “What are we looking for then?”

“Your Dad and I have agreed I’m interested in a Volvo.”

Kate let out a laugh, “Oh, Honey. Cool motorbike riding tattooist to Volvo owning dad to be in under a year. I’m sorry.”

Anthony clicked his tongue, “Get me a pair of Birkenstocks. Happy to be here.”

[typenull]

youre the first person i thought of to ask but do you know what options there are for image hosting.. what do you do for your site?

aww shucks really? im flattered LOL… there’s quite a few options you have when it comes to image hosting. it depends on what you’re using them for though. i’m assuming based on what you asked here that you’re asking for a personal site and not file storage in general.

the most reliable option in terms of image hosting will always be uploading them to your own site assuming you’re using a static host like neocities or nekoweb. this is what i do for my website. as a nekoweb supporter i have 20gb of storage so as of right now this isn’t an issue for me, but may be depending on what you’re trying to host. i always recommend resizing large images like those taken on phones or large canvases unless you intend them to be viewed in full resolution - both for storage size, and for ease of viewing/bandwidth usage. i feel like a traitor to the gif format for even saying this but, if you have a lot of gifs you’re looking to host, i recommend converting them to webp or apng since they take up considerably less space and generally work much better than gif, which is becoming antiquated.

i tend to avoid using external hosts if i don’t have to because the idea that they could go down at any moment makes me nervous. things like google drive have limited space and it alongside imgur have recently mass deleted old anonymous uploads, breaking lots of things in the process. it just makes me nervous. however, if you do still need an external host for images, or files in general, these are the ones i know of and/or use:

1. catbox: probably the most common file host you’ll see due to it’s ease of access, and the one i usually use if i need to. also has a temporary file storage alternative at litterbox which i find useful for sending large files over discord and stuff like that. disadvantages are that your files aren’t linked to an account and so you won’t be able to manage them easily. it’s most useful for when you only need to host a few things without managing tons of files.

2. file garden: this one is new to me, but i’ve found it useful in the limited time i’ve had with it. linked to an account and you can sort and organize your files. this would probably be more useful for personal site storage than catbox. it’s similar to both google drive and dropbox, but without being run by a large company that runs the risk of exploding your files from inactivity or something.

3. imgur: as a last resort, i still see people use imgur quite often. i used it extremely often when i was younger. i don’t personally anymore because they recently mass deleted older anonymous uploads and it’s shaken my trust with them generally, so i tend to use catbox now. but imgur is large and not user funded like the other 2 options, so i figured i’d bring it up.

always keep backups of files that you’re hosting externally in case you need to reupload them!

things to avoid:

1. discord. they recently-ish announced that their file hosting will become temporary. you shouldn’t be using it for file hosting anyway considering it isn’t made for it, but i still see people do this from time to time

2. don’t use neocities/etc as a second drive: only upload things you want to use for your site. these site hosts are not made for sole file storage, and it would put unnecessary strain on them to do that. i saw people recommending neocities as a discord file hoard alternative and i vehemently disagree with the notion.

i hope my rambling was helpful if not way too wordy lol. thanks for the ask and feel free to ask about anything else/follow up!

[jcmarchi]

Applying risk and reliability analysis across industries

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/applying-risk-and-reliability-analysis-across-industries/

Applying risk and reliability analysis across industries

On Feb. 1, 2003, the space shuttle Columbia disintegrated as it returned to Earth, killing all seven astronauts on board. The tragic incident compelled NASA to amp up their risk safety assessments and protocols. They knew whom to call: Curtis Smith PhD ’02, who is now the KEPCO Professor of the Practice of Nuclear Science and Engineering at MIT.

The nuclear community has always been a leader in probabilistic risk analysis and Smith’s work in risk-related research had made him an established expert in the field. When NASA came knocking, Smith had been working for the Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC) at the Idaho National Laboratory (INL). He pivoted quickly. For the next decade, Smith worked with NASA’s Office of Safety and Mission Assurance supporting their increased use of risk analysis. It was a software tool that Smith helped develop, SAPHIRE, that NASA would adopt to bolster its own risk analysis program.

At MIT, Smith’s focus is on both sides of system operation: risk and reliability. A research project he has proposed involves evaluating the reliability of 3D-printed components and parts for nuclear reactors.

Growing up in Idaho

MIT is a distance from where Smith grew up on the Shoshone-Bannock Native American reservation in Fort Hall, Idaho. His father worked at a chemical manufacturing plant, while his mother and grandmother operated a small restaurant on the reservation.

Southeast Idaho had a significant population of migrant workers and Smith grew up with a diverse group of friends, mostly Native American and Hispanic. “It was a largely positive time and set a worldview for me in many wonderful ways,” Smith remembers. When he was a junior in high school, the family moved to Pingree, Idaho, a small town of barely 500. Smith attended Snake River High, a regional school, and remembered the deep impact his teachers had. “I learned a lot in grade school and had great teachers, so my love for education probably started there. I tried to emulate my teachers,” Smith says.

Smith went to Idaho State University in Pocatello for college, a 45-minute drive from his family. Drawn to science, he decided he wanted to study a subject that would benefit humanity the most: nuclear engineering. Fortunately, Idaho State has a strong nuclear engineering program. Smith completed a master’s degree in the same field at ISU while working for the Federal Bureau of Investigation in the security department during the swing shift — 5 p.m. to 1 a.m. — at the FBI offices in Pocatello. “It was a perfect job while attending grad school,” Smith says.

His KEPCO Professor of the Practice appointment is the second stint for Smith at MIT: He completed his PhD in the Department of Nuclear Science and Engineering (NSE) under the advisement of Professor George Apostolakis in 2002.

A career in risk analysis and management

After a doctorate at MIT, Smith returned to Idaho, conducting research in risk analysis for the NRC. He also taught technical courses and developed risk analysis software. “We did a whole host of work that supported the current fleet of nuclear reactors that we have,” Smith says.

He was 10 years into his career at INL when NASA recruited him, leaning on his expertise in risk analysis to translate it into space missions. “I didn’t really have a background in aerospace, but I was able to bring all the engineering I knew, conducting risk analysis for nuclear missions. It was really exciting and I learned a lot about aerospace,” Smith says.

Risk analysis uses statistics and data to answer complex questions involving safety. Among his projects: analyzing the risk involved in a Mars rover mission with a radioisotope-generated power source for the rover. Even if the necessary plutonium is encased in really strong material, calculations for risk have to factor in all eventualities, including the rocket blowing up.

When the Fukushima incident happened in 2011, the Department of Energy (DoE) was more supportive of safety and risk analysis research. Smith found himself in the center of the action again, supporting large DoE research programs. He then moved to become the director of the Nuclear Safety and Regulatory Research Division at the INL. Smith found he loved the role, mentoring and nurturing the careers of a diverse set of scientists. “It turned out to be much more rewarding than I had expected,” Smith says. Under his leadership, the division grew from 45 to almost 90 research staff and won multiple national awards.

Return to MIT

MIT NSE came calling in 2022, looking to fill the position of professor of the practice, an offer Smith couldn’t refuse. The department was looking to bulk up its risk and reliability offerings and Smith made a great fit. The DoE division he had been supervising had grown wings enough for Smith to seek out something new.

“Just getting back to Boston is exciting,” Smith says. The last go-around involved bringing the family to the city and included a lot of sleepless nights. Smith’s wife, Jacquie, is also excited about being closer to the New England fan base. The couple has invested in season tickets for the Patriots and look to attend as many sporting events as possible.

Smith is most excited about adding to the risk and reliability offerings at MIT at a time when the subject has become especially important for nuclear power. “I’m grateful for the opportunity to bring my knowledge and expertise from the last 30 years to the field,” he says. Being a professor of the practice of NSE carries with it a responsibility to unite theory and practice, something Smith is especially good at. “We always have to answer the question of, ‘How do I take the research and make that practical,’ especially for something important like nuclear power, because we need much more of these ideas in industry,” he says.

He is particularly excited about developing the next generation of nuclear scientists. “Having the ability to do this at a place like MIT is especially fulfilling and something I have been desiring my whole career,” Smith says.

[jodilin65]

Written late last night…

I was woken up by thunder for the second time and it’s not even June yet! Doesn’t look like I’m gonna get much sleep on Sunday either. I have a bad feeling it’s going to be a bad storm season. This is getting to be too much like the old place only there it was traffic waking me up. When I got up at 8:00 in the morning to use the bathroom I noticed it was pretty dark out. I’d only been asleep for 3 or 4 hours. I got back in bed and right after I fell asleep - boom! No storm was even predicted so most of the time they don’t know shit. It took me a couple of hours to get back to sleep and even though I slept well for 5 or 6 more hours and got a good sleep score, I was exhausted. My body just can’t handle broken-up sleep anymore. As tired as I was, we ran out to Walgreens for treats. I managed to do some cooking for us too but that’s about it.

So Tom and I talked about moving to a “quieter” climate that wasn’t expensive like Cali or overly cold, and I talked to Becky in New Mexico since quieter usually means drier. I told her everything we like and don’t like about Florida. She lives in a tiny rural town near Las Cruces and about 40 miles north of Mexico. El Paso is an hour away where they have every specialist in the world, she says, and of course Las Cruces is closer. They’re only about 15 minutes away from stores and stuff like that, so it wouldn’t be anything like Maricopa or up on the mountain in Oregon.

She gave me a link to a realtor that helped her and her husband Kevin find their place. She’s got a 1660-square-foot manufactured home but I don’t see us being able to afford anything as big as what we used to have. It would probably have to be a dumpy old single-wide around the size of this place but to own both the house and the land and have someone around I know and have breathing space around us and not have to drive an hour to get to civilization might be a sweet deal. I don’t know her as well as I knew Aly but I know her well enough to say that she’s smart, reliable, and trustworthy. I would trust Becky alone in a room with my purse, the same as I would Andy or Jessie. Ah, Jessie. If we move, she’ll be disappointed but maybe we could shoot over and see her before we go. I just have to hope I can get up the energy to do all this!

She says the healthcare system there is good and the cost of living there is low. It’s quiet, easy living, she also says. It’s a liberal state and she says nobody cares about anyone’s “position” in life or shoves their religion down people’s throats and no one is interested in robbery.

Just an occasional LifeStar helicopter overhead, some barking when the javelinas are out, and a train that goes through the area. Boom car stereos are rare, there are no motorcycles close by, or anything extreme. She said outside they can hear donkeys and horses. I wouldn’t mind that or the train as long as the train didn’t shake the place or was louder than the sound machines I sleep with. That’s not the impression I get, though.

January until mid-February is cold, she said, which is how it is here. June, July and August are scorchers. The monsoon season is June 15 to Sept 30. I remember the monsoon seasons when we lived in Arizona. Those storms woke me up too but not nearly as much as the storms here do and the storm season here is a lot longer than monsoon season there.

No sonic booms but they do see “weird shit” in the sky. White Sands Missile Range is 40 minutes away and they do aircraft testing, but they don’t hear it.

They have trash and mail service so we wouldn’t have to get a PO Box like we did in Maricopa or burn our trash.

I told her that I don’t regret coming here and experiencing what it’s like to live here just like I don’t regret Oregon and California despite the rough times we had there, and I do like that it’s warmer here more than it’s not. But when you struggle with fatigue and you have two sleep disorders and you throw these kick-ass storms on me, it’s really throwing fuel on the fire.

Although I would expect some barking and maybe even some projects on some of the neighboring properties, I would love to be able to go to bed during the daytime not worrying about what neighbors 50 ft away or less might be up to that day.

I told her about the crazy drivers here and that the people in general aren’t very friendly.

If we ever do move it’s not going to be tomorrow or the next day. It might take a year or two. We’ve only got so much money to work with.

My only other concern would be its effect on my TMJ. It’s almost as high in elevation as K-Falls and that could make it worse, though I’d be willing to take a chance. I think the extreme cold affected it more than elevation.

I won’t miss this carpet but I’ll miss having furniture like this. The living room chairs may not be the greatest but it’s still nice having a complete household set of furniture. I’ll miss the bedroom set, the couch, and the kitchen set the most. I don’t see how we could take it with us but we’d eventually get new stuff.

Again, every place has its pros and cons. I just prefer to avoid those with major cons. Stealing my sleep is a big no-no. I’ll miss the warmer weather but the thought of moving back out west and adding another state to the list excites me a bit.

Another thing I wouldn’t miss is the mowers. No problem when I’m awake but when I’m asleep… there’s that stress of wondering and worrying if they’re going to wake me up or not. It’s especially stressful when I have appointments looming which is pretty much most of the time. I still don’t see us ever being able to afford to move but I’m definitely thinking about it and the idea kind of appeals to me. If we did move I’m going to wish I still had Galileo if we do move because they can be my doctors anywhere. Rhonda can’t.

Written today…

No storms disrupted my sleep last time around but next time around I’m not going to be so lucky. If that’s the case that will be three times in less than two weeks. However, there’s no way we can move. If we ever can it will be years from now so I might as well enjoy the many good aspects of Florida. At least the storm season isn’t year-round. The heavy traffic at the old place was. Also, this place may be small but it’s not a dump.

Becky gave me her address and I checked her place out in a VR app. I could see her dog sitting on the porch but I couldn’t see her sitting next to it because the railing was in the way. The area reminds me of Maricopa. Some well-kept homes but trashy in general. There are a lot of Mexicans there and even though it’s not politically correct of me to say so despite how true it is since it’s not what people want to hear, they’re not exactly big on neatness. I’ve lived with them enough to know this and it’s something I’ve seen with my own eyes.

Anyway, I think barking would be a definite problem there. She’s at the end of a culdesac and there isn’t much beyond it but that would be an issue no doubt if you were surrounded by homes. Becky treats her dog as a pet and part of the family because that’s what you typically do being from the East but in the West, most of them aren’t allowed indoors and the neighbors are the ones who have to deal with it.

I’ve been lucky tonight and last night. No helicopters and very few planes. The night before last I heard more helicopters than I usually hear in a month.

The cramping in the upper right stomach is still noticeable and earlier I had mild nausea. Thinking about what I’ve been eating lately, Tom and I suspect it’s because I don’t have a gallbladder. They did warn me that if I ate too many greasy foods, that could aggravate it, and I made us burgers earlier. Time to keep track of what I eat. I gotta be careful with chips too, because after having Tostitos a while back, I was nauseous. The Cheetos I got yesterday also made me nauseous. So the fucking gallbastard is still giving me shit from beyond the grave.

He’s given up vegetarianism because he says he feels better if he has some meat. He just hasn’t gone back to hot dogs which I guess is a good thing. I don’t know that he was necessarily eating healthier when he was avoiding meat because everything he ate was processed except for potatoes.

I’ve been wanting to see the Vicky White movie and the Lifetime people were kind enough to put it on LMN. I emailed them about a week ago and said I knew it was on the original channel and wondered when it would be on LMN. They said they would pass the word along that I wanted to see it and there it was when I logged in today! So I’ve got that to enjoy along with a suspense movie on Netflix. It’s a great movie so far even though it doesn’t have any dialogue. It’s called Monster.

I’m also watching the Ashley Madison docuseries. When the creators talk about why they created such a service I can’t help but think they’re so wrong but so right at the same time. Unless you agree to an open marriage up front, cheating is definitely wrong. No doubt about it. However, they’re totally correct whether we like it or not when they say that love and sex are two different things and no one’s attracted to the same person all their lives. You can love the hell out of someone and be totally devoted to them in your heart and your mind but as human nature has shown, you’re going to be attracted to different people throughout your life. Especially if you’re under 50, LOL.

I have decent energy today even though I did get up at one point thinking it was already Sunday and told Tom we forgot to do the laundry yesterday. When he reminded me it was Saturday and he was just waiting for me to get up, I told him to go ahead and do it because I didn’t expect to get back to sleep even though I got back into bed. Just beyond the back bedroom wall is the storeroom where the washer and dryer are and for some reason, this washer makes a loud bang when it changes cycles. However, I not only did fall back asleep but I never heard a thing either.

I’m scrambling to get as much done as I can today because I know I’m not going to have energy tomorrow. Not if the forecast is correct. So we changed Tinkerbella’s cage, I did some cooking, I folded the laundry after he washed it, I changed sheets, and I’ll run the dishwasher in a little while. So, typical household stuff.

Gotta hit the road tonight because I don’t expect to have the energy to do it tomorrow. I went through Silver Creek, NY and now I’m in Irving.

After I fell back asleep which didn’t take too long thanks to my comfortable bed, I had a lot of dreams. There was a dream about “Nervous” and him not liking me trying to dump him. I kept trying to push him out of an apartment I had but he kept opening the door and screaming at me. Finally, after slamming the door on him three times, he stayed away. A sense of loneliness and isolation then came over me but I knew I did the right thing.

Then I was in a large apartment building somewhere and I knew Tom in this dream. The old lady above us died and I was more bummed out about it for fear of what we may end up with above us since she had been so quiet than I was sad for her.

Then it was back to not knowing Tom. My parents were alive and I was at some kind of hotel. Outdoors, I watched these flying buses that would take off and land in the parking lot. When I went back into the building, I realized my purse was missing and I was relieved when I finally found it somewhere. However, it had been emptied out completely. A sense of panic came over me when I realized I didn’t have my parents’ number memorized to contact them because I always tapped their name when calling them without paying attention to the number. Then they suddenly appeared and I went running to my mother in tears like a child all over again telling her the contents of my purse had been stolen.

[salmonid-ink]

Let’s talk about Salmonid intelligence!

There seems to be a wide misconception that Salmonids aren’t intelligent, or at the very least, aren’t as smart as Octolings or Inklings. This idea couldn’t be farther from the truth! And because I’m the Resident Salmonid Fanatic™ it’s my job to talk about this. 

In hopes to make people consider and think of Salmonids in a better light, and NOT as pets, I’m going to do my best to pull evidence from in-game, as well as interviews, that imply or outright confirm that Salmonids are sapient, much like our beloved Octolings and Inklings. 

To start, I’d like to touch on their interactions with other creatures, namely their trade deal with the Octarians. It’s hard to argue for Salmonids not being intelligent when you consider the confirmed fact that they actively trade with other creatures to benefit the both of them.

They exchange their useful Power Eggs (and perhaps vegetables and fruits) to the Octarians for mechanical blueprints, weapons, and machine parts (and potentially tentacle cuts for food). We can wager this trade deal has been going on for a long time, as the Salmonids are fitted to the gills with machinery, and you can make the argument that the Octomaw was inspired by Maws!

While the Salmonids could easily take these blueprints and make the machines exactly as the Octarians planned them, these fish take it one step beyond and put their own twist on things! With their intellect, they’ve customized traditional weapons to suit them better, and the examples can be seen in just about every boss you encounter. 

Ink Storm + Brella -> Drizzler

Sting Ray -> Stinger

Ink Jet + Tenta Missiles -> Flyfish

Splash Wall -> Steel Eel

Baller/Splashdown   -> Steelhead

Shielded Octotrooper + Roller  -> Scrapper

Octocopter -> Chinook

Flooder -> Griller

Octo Seeker -> Mothership

Additionally, they are INSANELY resourceful, able to use any scrap of metal or machinery to make their contraptions, and make them decently reliable. Not to mention the fact that Scrappers are able to repair their cars! On the fly! All while under fire! That takes dedication AND smarts!!

Not to mention the fact that Smallfry, who could very well be babies (and I will argue that they are, as there is no benefit to stunting the growth of ANY creature), are able to pilot Flyfish. They were raised just right in the best environment, and now they’re super smart!

Also, Salmonids are crazy creative, with how they’ve incorporated their cookware into their weaponry. They take their aesthetic to the next level, man.

Next, lest talk about their homes!

It’s vastly clear that they have their own society. At the very least, we can take a glimpse of it with their houses. The Lost Outpost (known as the Colony at Sea in Japan) is a great example of this!

While these houses look like they were cobbled together with recycled parts, which falls in line with Salmonid resourcefulness, they are clearly stable living spaces that were built by he Salmonids themselves with ocean living and fishing in mind. 

Additionally, towards the back of the stage, we can see another house with a city on the horizon. While this is purely speculation, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to believe that this city is Salmonid-owned. The areas you go to are claimed to be restricted ocean zones, and given that you’re so far out that you need a house-sized radio dish just to communicate, it’s hard to believe that the city would be owned by anyone else. 

I think these city-based homes would be owned by Salmonids that work with machinery, such as repairmen and mechanics. This could also include artisans! Farmers would obviously live in more rural areas, where they can plant and grow their crops. 

We can also glean a similar idea from the Spawning Grounds (called the Salmonid Dam in many other languages): 

I will argue until the day I die that the dam found in the Spawning Grounds, as well as the adjacent city, belongs to the Salmonids, as evidence by its proximity to the stage, the green water pouring from the dam, and the very clear Salmonid mark on it.

Whether this city was built by them, or it’s one they took ahold of and built upon during one of their past migrations is yet to be determined, seeing my speculations are even true. Either way, it’s clear that the Salmonids are capable of building structures and homes with ease!

If we talk about their homes, even if this is much more on the speculative end, we’ve also GOT to talk about the factory we can see at Marooner’s Bay:

Again, given the proximity to Salmonid territory, as well as the various Salmonid-themed items around the stage, we can speculate that these factories are Salmonid owned, and perhaps where they work on many of their machines and devices.

Things such as Scrapper Cars, Steel Eels, Flyfish jets, Grillers, and Motherships could be constructed here, or this place could be used for processing water or chemicals! It’s a rather vague factory, so again, this is all theoretical. I haven’t a clue what they do here. 

Next let’s talk about their art. The existence of art alone should be enough of an indicator that they have minds to think and feel with! Especially when their designs are as intricate as these:

The most of these can be seen around the Lost Outpost and Spawning Grounds, but every single stage has a few of these markings floating around. I don’t currently have many in-stage caps on hand, but if you take the time to look around, you’ll find a few on the ground and walls!

While a lot of these are very clearly graffiti markings, the intricate designs may have some meaning. While we haven’t a clue what exactly they mean, or what they represent, I think they’re extremely fascinating, and give us a peek into what culture Salmonids have. 

They’re likely made with stencils, but all the same, they were designed carefully, and must hold SOME significance.

I have a theory that these designs are primarily to mark specific territories. Perhaps certain marks mean different schools and families! Or some of them could be warnings, such as to indicate Grizz activity (such as with the bear icon, which appears in a few stages). 

I believe in part, these are a form of expression, ESPECIALLY if they indicate schools. There are so many unique fish-shaped designs, it’d be cool to see how these correlate to individual groups!

They could also be a visual indicator for Inklings and Cephalopods that, yes, this is Salmonid territory, so you’d best stay away! Because while it’d be easy for a Salmonid to tell what area belongs to who by smell alone, Inklings certainly don’t have that luxury!

At any rate, I’d love to see what personal art looks like for Salmonids. What kind of crafts do they make? What sort of things do they love to paint? We don’t really know, and we can only speculate...

One thing we know for certain is that Salmonids appreciate music. It even seems as though they’re inspired by it, given the descriptions that the Salmon Run songs have.

I feel like this is worth stating, even if their existence is fairly common knowledge: ω-3. A band. That plays complex instruments. And does all their own mixing. 

Pretty freakin’ smart, I must say!

Additionally, each of the members have VASTLY different styles. The Cellist is stern and stubborn, and won’t accept anything but the best, be it in passion or in radical works. The timpanist is soulful, passionate, and is straight to the point. The DJ is reckless and disrespectful, yet puts forth his best effort.

All three of them are so unalike to one another in style and personality. They may not even get along that well, but at the end of the day, they value working together SO MUCH that they make amazing, unique, and great-sounding songs that stir and inspire their people. 

It’d be amazing to see what other types of music that Salmonids like, because this can’t be the only kind. However the style of  ω-3 certainly goes hand-in-hand with the chaotic, resourceful, and determined nature of the Salmonids. 

We should also touch up on the fact that Salmonids are stated to have tradition. Aside from their 70-year migration, they’re also stated to pass cookware from generation to generation in Sunken Scroll #19.

"Salmonids are known to keep their weapons in tip-top shape. The frying pans they wield have often been passed down from generation to generation. You can see the unwavering pride of these fierce warriors in their (somewhat crazed) eyes."

I like to think that they also pass things like recipes and other tools down to their offspring and kin. Family and schools on the whole appear to be very important to them, which ties directly into their drive to work together as a unit, rather than separately as a makeshift team.

For some conventional evidence, look at this one bit from the Merry Fishmas piece, posted by official Splatoon sources: 

I LOVE this image, and there are so many tiny details that you can make out in this. Such as these two:

THEY ARE PLAYING CARDS, and this ain’t no dogs playing poker bit, either! It looks like the other one is losing really bad... Or going into a food coma. One way or another, the other Salmonid is trying to check up on them, haha. Or maybe they’re trying to sneak a peek at the other’s cards? Who knows! That sly grin tells a story.

Also, there’s this Goldie, who is fishing:

These are all pretty human-like characteristics, which makes me think, all the more, that they’re on par with Inklings intelligence wise. I REALLY want to see more interactions like this someday, it fills my heart with delight and joy.

Phew.. Well, thank you so much for sticking with me through this whole thing. I hope this helps people get more perspective on Salmonids, and what little we know about their community and culture. 

[jingabitch]

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell - final

SUMMARY: when you were ten, taehyung adopted you and gave you a home. now that you’re eighteen, the sudden change in your scent perplexes and confounds him.

PAIRING: wolf hybrid!tae x human!reader (all bts members are hybrids)

WARNINGS: talk of ownership (reader is tae’s pet human) | daddy long legs syndrome | angst | suicide attempt | smut (finally!) | heat sex | unhealthy relationships

WORD COUNT: 20.5k (lmfao)

RATING: explicit

A/N: yay this massive fic is finally done!! when i first started this i thought it would be like a 15k oneshot and now it’s a g i a n t. thank you to everyone who read this, left lovely comments and feedback, and cheered me on! not quite sure what i’m going to work on next, but nevertheless I hope to have your support for future projects too. :)

also, shoutout to my wonderful betas @knjkitten and @xoxrinaxox for going over this for me! yall are the greatest 💕

btw the last part of this isn’t betaed because google docs sucks and doesn’t sync reliably most of the time lmao. i’ll work on finding a better solution but in the meantime i hope there aren’t glaring mistakes. 

series index

“The only recorded cases where a hybrid was able to move on from an imprint… is when the object of the imprint passed away.”

When the object of the imprint passed away.

You blinked at Namjoon in shock, unsure how to react. You certainly hadn’t been expecting such an extreme solution, and you hesitated audibly.

“Not that I’m suggesting that, of course,” he hastily reassured you. You nodded slowly, your mind still playing catch up. “We’ll figure out another way to manage it, all right? Don’t do anything crazy.”

“Okay.” You agreed, nodding robotically. It felt like your mind had short-circuited when he said that. You didn’t want to die. After all that had happened to you, you just wanted to live normally, safe and secure in your home.

Still, you couldn’t stop thinking about what Namjoon had said. Spring turned to summer, and then to fall, and it almost seemed as though you could forget about it entirely. Things were going well at home – you and Taehyung had settled into a new routine that was, if not ideal, comfortable enough, and you thought that he was coping fairly well with the imprint.

Now that everything was out in the open, it felt like an oppressive air had been lifted from the apartment. You understood now why Taehyung had done that to you, and while you still weren’t thrilled, at least you knew why. He was relentless in his attempts to show you his remorse, too, doting over you almost obsessively.

Gradually, you eased up around him, too. He was always respectful of your need for space. After the first night where you stayed in his room, you’d returned to your own room to think about how you wanted to proceed. All his cards were on the table now, and it was only fair that you figure yourself out. You still weren’t really comfortable being as close to him physically as you’d been before, and you were definitely leery of any sexual contact, both because of your traumatic experiences on the street as well as because of what Taehyung had done.

He handled your attempts to put more distance between the two of you with grace. You didn’t quite know whether he’d hoped to pick up where you’d left off, but you weren’t ready or willing to do that, and he didn’t push. That wasn’t to say that you weren’t acutely aware of the way his eyes would follow you around sometimes, almost predatorily, making the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Sometimes you could hear him sigh when you went into your own bedroom at night instead of his.

Still, he never made a move, and you understood probably better than anyone else that having an urge and acting on it were two different things. He couldn’t help the way he looked at you, wanted you, but he held it in as best he could to avoid making you uncomfortable. You saw, and you appreciated his effort. Even though he probably didn’t see it, you were trying too, to move past everything that had happened.

For Taehyung, though, this was like purgatory. Having you so close, just out of reach, unable to touch you, was driving him insane. It hadn’t been so bad at first, because his wolf could sense the sour notes of your fear and reacted accordingly, wanting to provide for you and comfort you. It was difficult maintaining his distance even then, of course, since his instincts demanded that he wrap himself around you to keep you warm and protect you from any threats. His wolf had never been the smartest, of course, failing to realize that it was Taehyung who was the threat.

As you started to ease up around him, though, was when the trouble truly began. When you looked at him and smiled, or didn’t flinch away when he accidentally touched you… every sign that you were finally starting to let your guard down around him, no matter how insignificant it seemed, was a win for Taehyung. He celebrated internally every time he noted a milestone, charting your progress silently. The unpleasant scent of your discomfort was slowly replaced by your natural, happy, fruity scent, the one his wolf found so alluring. Which, of course, meant that he was having a hard time keeping his instincts at bay.

If this was what the rest of his life was going to be like, it was going to be torture. He could handle it, though. He was determined to, for your sake – he would grit his teeth and bear anything you threw at him. He would not, under any circumstances, let his imprint ruin his relationship with you more than it already had.

---------------------------

Last year, when you were still happy and carefree, you’d noticed immediately when Taehyung went into pre-heat. It had been clear as day to you when you were attuned to him and paying attention – the increased neediness, the voracious appetite, how moody he had been. You’d broken up so many silly arguments between him and the boys, picked purely because Taehyung was in a bad mood.

This year, however, was different. Even though you’d started getting better with time, and Taehyung’s conscientious, careful treatment of you, it was clear you were still affected by your time on the streets. You sometimes avoided Taehyung’s gaze, ate as quickly as you could because you still remembered what it was like to be hungry, and slipped away from the table as soon as you were done with your meal. It was still difficult for you to sit quietly with Taehyung, since it required a level of comfort with him that you hadn’t managed to get back.

Even when you were with him, you were hunched over on yourself, cautious, trying not to do or say anything to anger him. Even though he’d explained why he’d kicked you out and took pains to assure you that it would never happen again, you couldn’t forget the memory of him grabbing your arm and dragging you out of his apartment, throwing you out like garbage. It made sitting with him a far more difficult and uncomfortable endeavor than it had been in the past.

When Taehyung started going into preheat, the boys were on tour, which meant you were too. It was an East Asian tour – a short one, just six weeks, kind of a warm up before the global tour that was going to start next spring. The tour had been, to say the least, stressful. Before, they’d been great fun. Who wouldn’t love the opportunity to travel around the world, getting to eat different things and be spoiled by the boys and their entire crew? While everyone had to work, your life had basically been one giant vacation.

Now, though, things were different. As awkward as you felt around Taehyung, you’d had to act normally in front of all the cameras that were perennially trained on you. That meant giggling, smiling, cuddling up to all the boys, especially Taehyung, and never letting your guard down. Because of the boys’ social media presence, even the hotel rooms weren’t always safe, and it had been exhausting.

Taehyung was equally stressed out, trying to act nonchalant in front of the cameras when you clung onto him and plopped yourself into his lap for cuddles every day the way you used to. He quickly became an expert at shifting you around to avoid making you uncomfortable when his body reacted instinctively, and on not overreacting to your proximity. No stiffening (ha), no sharp inhales, or wide eyes, or anything else that would tip off the fans, who were basically detectives.

Knowing his heat was coming didn’t make dealing with the symptoms of it as it approached easier. This was already shaping up to be the worst heat he’d ever had, and it hadn’t even started yet. His increased sensitivity to scent made it all the more difficult to pretend like he wasn’t affected by you, and as the tour dragged on (and his preheat symptoms intensified) he could also see you withdrawing, the stress of pretending like everything okay evidently too much for you.

When the tour finally ended and you were back at your apartment, you immediately made a beeline for your bedroom and shut the door after you, desperate for time to yourself after spending weeks on end surrounded by the boys. Humans didn’t get their own hotel rooms, after all. It just wasn’t in the budget.

You’d think that spending so much time basically glued to his side would have made it easy for you to realise that he was going into heat, but that wasn’t the case at all. The more time you spent without a break with him and everyone in the crew having to keep up the act, the more it took out of you, until you were barely able to take in anything from being so stressed out all the time. Being so occupied with controlling your own reactions to being so close to Taehyung meant that all your attention was focused on yourself, instead of on your surroundings, and the fact that he was acting weird barely blipped on your radar.

Taehyung looked sadly at the closed door separating the two of you and sighed. Even though things had slowly started to improve, you were still clearly holding yourself away from him, and as much as he understood why and wanted to respect your need for space, his impending heat was making things difficult, bringing his animal side to the forefront and making it harder for him to resist his impulses.

As embarrassing as it was, he steeled himself to have an awkward conversation with you about it tomorrow morning. It was, somewhat surprisingly, the first time he’d ever had to tell you that he was going into heat. In the earlier years that you’d been his pet, all the boys had worked together to keep you from being too exposed to that aspect of their unique biology, and the only difference you noted during his heat was that Taehyung spent a lot of time shut in his own room while the other boys took turns playing with you.

Later on, you figured out fairly quickly what was up, and cottoned on to the symptoms that his heat was approaching easily. By the time you were fifteen, you had established a comfortable pattern and he’d never had to explain to you in words that his heat was coming – you just always knew, based on how differently he acted and the time of year.

It was almost tempting to go back to the way they’d dealt with his heats when you were a child – pawning you off onto his brothers and struggling through it alone without having to have an overly intimate conversation was probably the last painful option. In light of last year’s disastrous heat, though, he figured it was only fair that he let you know what was going on.

He scrubbed his hands down his face with a groan. Why had things gotten so complicated? All he’d wanted had been some companionship, and now there was this huge problem staring the both of you in the face that no one had asked for. Not for the first time since finding out about the imprint, he wished that he hadn’t been born a hybrid.

-----------------------------------

You woke up in the morning in your own bed, relieved to be back in your own space after having to share a hotel room with Taehyung for six weeks straight. You hadn’t shared his bedroom since that night, months ago, when he told you everything, and he never pushed, a fact for which you were grateful.

Still, morning meant you had to get up and prepare breakfast, since Taehyung was all but useless until noon. Feeling rejuvenated from the best night of sleep you’d had in weeks, you pushed the covers away and headed for the bathroom. You’d established a new morning routine with Taehyung now that you weren’t sleeping in the same room anymore, that gave you a little more space in the mornings. You’d use the bathroom and prepare breakfast while he got ready, then he’d eat while you got ready.

Today, however, was different. You’d placed his breakfast on the counter and were going back to your room to get your clothes when Taehyung cleared his throat.

You stopped short right as you were about to round the counter and leave the kitchen, your eyes darting towards Taehyung. Had he made that noise on purpose or was he doing that stupid sleepy grunting thing he did when he didn’t feel like getting up?

He stared back at you, and you couldn’t read the expression in his eyes. Damn. So he’d made the noise on purpose then to get your attention, then.

“Y/n, I have to tell you something.”

That sounded serious. You moved back to where you were so that you were standing directly across the counter from him. “What is it?” you asked curiously.

Cue some more awkward throat-clearing and avoiding eye contact.

“Uhhh… you know it’s autumn now, right?” Taehyung started.

You raised your brow. “Uh, yes…?” Did he just want to talk to you about the weather? That seemed very unlike him, especially this early in the morning.

“So… winter is coming soon?”

“Yes… that is what autumn usually means.” You didn’t mean to get snippy with him, but his wishy-washy attitude was starting to grate on your nerves.

“Right, so, um… I’m going into heat…?” Taehyung mumbled his words directly into his plate, his shoulders hunched over as he cringed, not quite daring to look up and see your expression.

Your mind was racing, panic threatening to overwhelm you when you remembered what had happened during his last heat. You’d almost lost control then and let him have his way with you, and it was what had started this whole thing anyway. As you were freaking out, your heart rate picked up rapidly, and Taehyung could hear it even if he wasn’t looking at you.

“Hey, whoa, what’s happening?” Taehyung asked, holding his hands out placatingly. You took a deep breath and refocused on him.

“Are you okay?” his brow furrowed as he watched an array of emotions cross your face in quick succession.

“Yeah,” you said, though your voice was a little choked. “I’m fine. What do you want to do about your heat?” you asked, trying to calm your racing heart. Wild panic was definitely not the best way to go here.

Still eyeing you suspiciously, Taehyung told you, “Well, I’m sure Suga-hyung wouldn’t mind it if you stayed with him for a week or so…”

The suggestion was so unexpected that it completely wiped out your distress, replacing it with shock instead. You gaped at him, unable to find the words to ask him the question you wanted to ask.

Thankfully, despite everything that had happened between you Taehyung was still fairly good at reading you, and he hurried to reassure you. “Oh, don’t worry about all of that,” he said, referring to the imprint and the fact that during his last heat he’d basically gone feral for you. “I’m sure it won’t be too bad.”

You could see on his face though that even he didn’t believe his own words. Even though you appreciated his attempt to smile and muscle through it for you, you couldn’t help but remember how miserable and out of it he’d been during his last heat when you refused him, and your heart squeezed at the thought of him going through it again.

Seeing your clear doubt, Taehyung smiled at you, though it was a little strained and didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I- I’m not,” you immediately denied, your voice shaky and unconvincing.

“Okay,” Taehyung accepted easily, not believing you for a second. “Go get ready.”

You hesitated then. “Actually… I think I might stay home today.”

“Oh… okay,” Taehyung said, this time slightly dejectedly.

“I just started a new book,” you offered, a lame excuse to try and spare his feelings. He nodded, acknowledging your effort, but it was clear the conversation was over.

“Well… have a good day at work then,” you said, before escaping back into your room.

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As much as you wished you could say you’d taken on the role of martyr quickly and decisively, the truth couldn’t be any more different. It took days of agonizing over the decision, days in which you stayed mostly alone in your room, pacing up and down despite Taehyung’s repeated pleas from right outside your door to come out and tell him what was bothering you.

You ignored him, knowing there was no way you could tell him. You didn’t know if Namjoon had told Taehyung about the rather radical solution that he’d found to the imprint, but you didn’t want to hear anything Taehyung said about it. The best case scenario would be that he told you insincerely that he didn’t want you to do anything rash, that he could live with it, even though you could see in his eyes and every fiber of his being that he just wanted to be free of the imprint. The worst-case scenario… you shuddered to think about it.

No, this was a decision you had to make alone.

On the one hand, you really didn’t want to die. After everything you’d already been through, why did you have to make the ultimate sacrifice for Taehyung? The injustice made you want to scream in anger at the sky, roll around and pound your fists against the ground. You’d never asked for any of this. All you’d ever wanted was to be a good pet, to love and be loved by your owner.

Then again – Taehyung hadn’t asked for any of it either. He’d gone into all of this with the same hopes as you, just wanting companionship and a cute pet. Instead he’d gotten arguably the short end of the stick, far more affected by the imprint than you were. After all he’d given you over the past nine years, was this the best way you could pay him back? By setting him free?

Even if you stayed alive, what kind of life would this be? Stuck in this uncomfortable situation without any way out, living indefinitely with Taehyung? It was torture for the both of you. Even though he tried to hide it, to show you a brave, unaffected face, and never made you feel bad about anything, you knew he was suffering. You could feel the way his eyes sometimes followed you around hungrily, even if he himself was unaware of the way he was looking at you. During the tour, whenever you’d glomp him in front of the cameras to play the role of an adoring pet human, you could feel him stiffen ever so slightly and hold his breath to avoid inhaling your scent. Was this really the way you wanted to spend the rest of your life, pretending to be a devoted and adorable pet when neither of you enjoyed it?

You’d never felt so trapped before. There were no other options for you – you were too old to be adopted again since everyone wanted babies, and in any case, you were sure Taehyung wouldn’t let you go. Having you somewhere in the world but away from him would be torturous for him given the nature of the imprint, and even in your darkest moments, when you resented him and wanted him to suffer the way you had and were continuing to, you wouldn’t wish that on him.

Why were your only options staying put or death? The unfairness of it all, the feeling that you’d been wronged by the universe, twisted your insides. You wanted to cry, but you’d cried so much over the past few days that your eyes hurt and you didn’t think you had any more tears in you.

The worst part was that you knew this was difficult for Taehyung too. He’d barely left the apartment in the days since his announcement, when he came back from the studio on the first day and found you in your room. Despite your best attempts to cry quietly, his keen hybrid ears picked up the sounds of your muffled sobs and sniffles and he’d been camped outside your bedroom door ever since, begging you to let him in, to tell him what was going on and let him help you.

His heartfelt pleas tore at your heart, and you found yourself sitting on the ground with your back against the door to be close to him even though you needed to be alone, in the same position you’d found yourself in almost a year ago – Taehyung begging to be let in, and you in tears as you refused, for his own good. The irony was not lost on you.

Ultimately, though, you knew the choice had always been clear. Between setting the both of you free and staying trapped in this purgatory, you’d always choose the former.

It didn’t make going through with it any easier, though. Even though you knew rationally that this was the best option, your instincts urged you to cling to life. You could always go back to the streets, hitch a ride out of Seoul and try to eke out an existence by yourself in the countryside. You knew how to grow fruits and vegetables from living with Taehyung’s parents, and you wouldn’t starve. As you lay in bed on what you’d decided would be the last night of your life, you allowed yourself the comfort of dreaming about what such a life might be like. One where you didn’t need to worry about where your next meal was going to come from, or pleasing someone else, where you could live independently, just you and your little garden.

You fell into a restless sleep that night, the tears you’d thought you didn’t have any more streaking your face.

-----------------------------------

When you opened your bedroom door the next morning, Taehyung, who’d been leaning against the door while he slept, fell backwards into your room. He jolted awake before he hit the floor and managed to catch himself, leaving you impressed, as always, with his superior hybrid reflexes.

“Good morning,” you murmured as he blinked up at you sluggishly.

“Y/n…” he said softly, his mind still foggy from sleep. “Good morning,” he replied reflexively.

“Did you stay out here all night?” you asked, squatting to bring your face closer to his.

He cleared his throat and nodded, and your heart squeezed from how cute he was when he’d just woken up. You wished you’d gotten to see more of it, and maybe in a different world, you’d have gotten a shot at a happy ending. Thinking about it too much kind of made you want to cry, so you started to stand up to go brush your teeth.

Quick as a dart, his hand snaked out to capture yours, and you looked down at him in surprise. He rarely initiated physical contact anymore, after learning about your trauma, but since he was still half-asleep, old habits came back to the surface. “What is it, Taehyung-oppa?” you asked, kneeling back down.

“I have to go to the studio today,” he rasped in his deep, early morning voice. You suppressed a shiver – as difficult as you found it to be around him sometimes, your body had never forgotten the initial attraction you’d had towards him a year ago, and when he was sleepy and pliant like this he almost seemed like a different person from the cruel man who’d forced you onto the streets.

“Okay,” you accepted easily. In truth, you didn’t understand why he was telling you this – you knew he had to go in. They were already preparing for the world tour next spring, and you were surprised that he’d spent the last two days camped outside your bedroom door when he should really be at work with the rest of the boys. “I’ll go get your breakfast ready,” you said, looking pointedly down at your hand still enveloped in his. He needed to let go if you were going to help him get ready.

“Wait,” he said, blinking the last of the sleep out of his eyes. Yesterday Namjoon had called him to ream him out for not turning up for practice for two days in a row, and even though he’d been understanding about the whole situation with you, knowing that Taehyung was always worried about you now, he’d still told Taehyung in no uncertain terms that he couldn’t just shirk his responsibilities to his bandmates and fans like he’d been doing for the past few days. Taehyung had wanted to stay home with you because you were so clearly upset about something, but he’d been neglecting his duties at work long enough.

“I- I know you’re upset about something,” Taehyung began haltingly. He didn’t know exactly what it was, since you’d refused to tell him, but since it had started right after he told you about his heat, he could pretty much guess that it was related to that. Approaching it, however, was difficult since he didn’t know how to go about it tactfully, especially in the mornings, since it took so damn long for him to get his act together. He really should have written this down last night.

“Y/n…” He stopped, swallowed, then started again. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

That caught your attention, and you froze, staring at him with wide eyes.

“I know you hate this imprint,” he choked out, and the words felt like sand leaving his mouth because of how difficult it was to express thoughts that went so directly against his instincts. “I don’t like it either, and I promise you that I’ll never force you to do anything you don’t want to do, okay? You’re safe here.” Even though he meant well and was trying to reassure you, his admission that he didn’t want the imprint either made you all the more certain of your decision.

“I understand,” you said, reaching out to pet his ears soothingly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay,” he accepted. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Promise. Even if it’s about the imprint.” His gaze searched yours imploringly, like he didn’t quite know how to reassure you of his sincerity.

“I know,” you agreed. You really didn’t agree with that, but you’d say anything to get that hangdog expression off his face.

He stared at you for a couple more seconds, then let you go with a nod. “All right, then,” he said, looking slightly embarrassed as you fled to the bathroom.

You blinked back tears as you made his breakfast for the last time, feeling Taehyung’s gaze boring into the back of your head from where he sat at the counter waiting for you to finish. He was still worried about you, you knew, though he wouldn’t pry anymore since you’d shut him down. You both loved and hated him for that.

When you set his plate down in front of him, you tried not to look at him because you were barely keeping it together as it was. Then you realized that this was probably the last time you would have the opportunity to and swung your gaze from the countertop to his face, taking it all in greedily.

Taehyung was still looking at you, and when you looked back, your eyes met, which you were completely unprepared for. Your jaw dropped slightly in surprise as he stared intently at you, and in that moment, you felt stripped bare for him, like he was looking effortlessly into your soul. It was too much for you, and you averted your gaze out of embarrassment, hating how vulnerable he could make you feel. Before, you hadn’t minded it, had thought it was a sign of your affection and trust for each other, but after your security in this home had been stripped away, it just scared you.

“Do you want to come with me to the studio today?” Taehyung asked. He was still watching you with that unsettling, piercing gaze, and you shook your head without looking back at him.

“Are you sure, Y/n-ie?” Something was off, Taehyung could feel it, and his instincts were ordering him to keep you by his side. Imprinting wasn’t magic, but it meant he was always hyper-attuned to you. With his hybrid senses, he could hear the erratic beating of your heart, smell the salt of the tears you tried so hard to keep at bay, see the distress written clearly across your face. There was clearly something bothering you, and it killed him to know that he was the cause of it and that he’d ruined the trust between the two of you so much that you were too afraid to talk to him about it. He’d always been there for you, and the fact that you weren’t letting him in now cut him up inside.

“Yeah,” you said, forcing a smile as you looked back at him.

His brow furrowed in concern. “Okay, I’ll call Namjoon and tell him that I can’t come in today either then.” He reached for his phone, sitting next to his plate on the counter.

“What? No,” you protested, snatching the phone before he could grab it. “You need to go to work; I know Namjoon-oppa will be mad if you skip again.”

Taehyung’s frown deepened. “I don’t want to leave you alone when you’re like this,” he objected.

“Tae-oppa, I’m fine. Please just go to work,” you begged, using the old nickname you had for him for good measure. You hadn’t called him that since before he kicked you out, and you could see him softening in front of you.

“Are you sure?” he asked, leaning forward slightly to get a better look at you – not that he needed it, with his enhanced wolf vision.

“Yeah.” You nodded, smiling tremulously at him.

“Okay. I’ll see you when I get home then.” Taehyung got up and got ready to leave, and you followed him to the front door. As he was putting his coat on, you sidled up to him and wrapped your arms around him in a hug, the first one you’d voluntarily given him since he’d found you at Hangang Park.

“What’s all this?” he asked, bemused, even as his arms wrapped around you. His wolf just couldn’t resist, and you were so cute, nuzzling into the hollow between his collarbones like you were scenting him. Humming with pleasure, he dropped his head to the top of yours, sniffing your hair.

“Nothing,” you said, your voice slightly muffled. You pulled back a little so you could look up at him, and for a second, your faces were so close that he could have just dipped his head slightly to kiss you. The temptation was overwhelming, especially since you’d initiated the hug, but Taehyung held it together – just barely. You squeezed him a little tighter and it took everything in him to stay still, praying that you wouldn’t notice the erection starting to form in his pants.

Obviously, you did notice it, since it was pressed into your belly, but you graciously ignored it, knowing that he couldn’t help it. Knowledge of your impending mortality made such things seem less significant, anyway.

When you finally released him and took a step back, he blinked for a moment, slightly bereft. Without your warmth pressed against him he felt a little cold, even though he knew it was ridiculous. Still, he had to leave, so he brushed your hair behind your shoulder fondly and asked, “Are you sure you’ll be okay at home?” one last time.

“Yes,” you stressed, pushing him gently out the door. “I’ll be fine, I promise, Tae-oppa.” He still looked a little dubious, but you’d distracted him by calling him that again, and he left with a small smile on his face.

With the door firmly shut behind Taehyung, you leaned against it and sank onto the ground. Just getting him out of the house had been exhausting, and you didn’t know if you actually had the strength to end your own life. Your breath shuddered out of your lungs and you tipped your head back against the door.

Even though you were now alone, you were afraid to give in to your emotions because you didn’t know if you would have the courage to go through with it if you let the fear take over. Instead, you mechanically got on with your morning routine, washing the dishes and tidying up. You avoided the bathroom because you knew what was there.

Since Taehyung had been having trouble sleeping without you in his bed, he’d gotten a prescription for sleeping pills which he kept in the bathroom cabinet. He didn’t use them all the time, you knew, just the nights that were particularly bad. If you thought hard enough, it would be easy to connect the times when he couldn’t sleep to your ovulation cycle, but you were determined to ignore that.

It wasn’t until hours later that you opened the bathroom cabinet and found the pills. You reached into the cabinet, your hands trembling, and closed your fingers around the small bottle. Your legs wouldn’t work properly when you went back to your room and shut the door, and it felt like every muscle in your body was already stiff.

Looking down at the bottle in your palm, you bit your lip to prevent tears from leaking out again. You rolled the container back and forth a little, looking at the sticker with Taehyung’s name on it. The recommended dose was half a pill to one.

Breathing out heavily, you steeled yourself to open the bottle, but you couldn’t do it. With a sigh, you placed it down on your bedside table, staring at it. The little orange bottle with a white cap sat innocently where you’d left it, like it was mocking you.

-----------------------------

Something had been off all day, Taehyung could feel it. Obviously, there was no supernatural aspect to the imprint, but he’d been living with you for almost ten years now, and you weren’t as good at hiding your emotions as you thought you were. Worrying about you consumed almost all of his focus, and he was a complete mess during dance practice – even Namjoon was doing better than he was.

After the third time Hoseok had stopped practice to yell at him, Namjoon intervened, taking Taehyung aside to talk to him in the hallway.

“Tae, what’s been going on with you recently? You skip out on practice for two days, and now it’s like you’re not even here when you are.”

Taehyung shrugged, averting eye contact. He was ashamed of how he was acting, because he knew it was stressing his brothers out too when they were already freaking out over the comeback tour, but he just couldn’t get you out of his mind. “I’m sorry, hyung. Y/n’s been acting a little strange recently, and I’m just worried about leaving her alone,” he explained.

Namjoon’s expression softened. “Do you need to talk about it?” he offered.

“I don’t know. She’s been acting a little strange since the tour ended, and after I told her that my heat is coming up…” he blushed. Hybrids weren’t shy when talking about their heats – it was a normal bodily function for them, after all – but since Taehyung had the imprint, any mention of the heat implied that he couldn’t stop thinking about the way his pet human smelled and tasted. Even though he was coming to accept that the imprint, and by extension, his desires, were not his fault, it was still awkward and embarrassing for him to talk about it. He hadn’t told anyone about it other than you, so only Namjoon knew.

“Yeah? What’s been going on? Maybe she’s just stressed out about it,” Namjoon tried to reassure his brother. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know…” Taehyung pursed his lips in thought. “She spent the last couple of days locked up in her room and I kept hearing her crying. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, though.”

Namjoon was starting to get a sinking feeling in his stomach. Was this related to the conversation he’d had with you so many months ago?

“And she was really weird today, too. You know she gave me a hug?” Try as he might, Taehyung couldn’t stop the dreamy note from entering his voice. As uncharacteristic as it had been for you, he’d missed your physical affection so much that he couldn’t bring himself to complain about it.

“That sounds nice. Why are you worried then?” Namjoon prompted.

“I don’t know. She just seemed really upset even though she was trying to hide it.” Taehyung frowned. “I even offered to stay home again to keep her company, but she basically forced me to leave the house.”

His jaw tightening, Namjoon’s mind raced. “You should go back to check on her if you’re worried,” he told Taehyung.

“What? But practice and everything, I can’t just abandon you guys-” he protested.

“Please, as if you’re helping us out in your current state.” Namjoon rolled his eyes. “Go, I’ll cover for you with the others.”

“Okay. Thank you, hyung,” he said gratefully before running down the hall to the elevator.

------------------------------------

You picked up the bottle again, shaking it a little and hearing the noise as the pills rattled against the container. “Okay, now or never,” you psyched yourself up with a deep breath. Of course, you’d rather it be never, but you pushed that thought out of your mind. This was for Taehyung, you reminded yourself.

The bottle cap had a child lock on it, which was truly ridiculous when you stopped to think about it, because adult humans were definitely more able to open a stupid bottle cap than a hybrid child was. If they were going to restrict access to prescription medication, a human-proof lock would be better.

Then again, you mused sardonically, most humans were smart enough to know not to break into medicine cabinets and eat whatever they saw, so it was probably seen as redundant.

Opening the bottle easily, you turned it over and emptied the contents into your hand. You dropped the bottle onto the covers next to where you were sitting and reached for the glass of water you’d prepared on your nightstand. Your hand trembled so much, though, that you had to work extra hard to get a good grip on the glass, and even then, you spilled a bit on the bed.

Slowly, you unclenched your hand and stared at the pills. Closing your eyes, you tossed them all into your mouth, then brought the glass of water to your lips. Come on, you thought to yourself. It would all be over soon – all the suffering that you’d experienced in the last year. Just a couple of minutes, and you would slip into blissful sleep. No more nightmares, no more trauma…

Now that you’d decided on this path, the knowledge that you wouldn’t need to continue living such a painful existence was almost a relief to you. Finally, you tipped the glass a little so water filled your mouth and swallowed. You finished the water before setting the glass back on the bedside table, then stretched out so you were lying on your side, facing the door.

Although it was too soon to feel the effects of the sleeping pills, you felt an incredible wave of peace wash over you, and you closed your eyes. Soon, all of this would be over. You’d be free, setting down all your burdens.

Right before you faded out of consciousness, you vaguely registered your phone vibrating against the bedside table, but your eyelids were too heavy to lift, and it felt impossible to raise your hand to pick it up to see who was calling.

----------------------------------------

The sense of dread and discomfort Taehyung felt brewing in the pit of his stomach only intensified as he drove back home, and by the time he parked his car, the unease bordered on panic. He’d been attempting to call you the whole time, but you hadn’t picked up, which was strange for you – you’d not been far from your phone ever since you’d gotten your first. It was just lucky that he hadn’t been pulled over or gotten into an accident from how poorly he’d been driving, his gaze constantly flicking from the road to his phone.

He raced up to his apartment as quickly as possible, bursting through the door like a madman. Every second felt like life or death, and he’d almost broken the elevator buttons from pressing on it so hard so many times. “Y/n?” he called, his voice echoing through the apartment the moment he stepped through the door.

There was no response to break the ominous silence, only the deafening sound of his heart pounding in his ears. Kicking off his shoes, Taehyung walked quickly through the corridor, peeking into the kitchen and living room as he passed them to make sure you weren’t in either of those rooms.

“Y/n?” he called again, his voice starting to sound slightly manic. He hoped more than anything that you would appear from around the corner and laugh at him for getting so worked up over nothing, but there was no sound or movement. Your bedroom door was shut, so he knew you hadn’t left the apartment, because you never shut it after you.

Stopping in front of your room, he knocked on the door. “Y/n, are you there? Can you let me in, please?”

Silence.

“Y/n?” He knocked again, a little more insistently.

When there was still no response, he opened the door hesitantly and peeked in. “Y/n?” When he saw you lying on your bed, he relaxed for a moment, thinking that you were just taking a nap. In fact, you looked so peaceful like that, with all the lines in your face from that tense expression you always wore around him smoothed out.

He stepped into the room and realized only then that something was wrong. You were breathing too slowly, and your heart rate was sluggish. Looking closer, he saw the empty pill bottle lying on its side next to you and his panic rocketed through the roof.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed, rushing to you. “Y/n? Y/n!” he tried to shake you awake, to no avail.

“Shit,” he hissed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to prop you up. Your head lolled listlessly. “Y/n, please,” he begged, tears pricking at his eyes that he tried to blink away. He had to keep it together, or you wouldn’t make it.

Setting you back down on the bed, he called the ambulance hotline. The moment he heard the click that meant someone had picked up, he started explaining what had happened, the words spilling out of him in his urgency. “My human, she’s swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills, I don’t know what to do, I—” His voice broke on a sob.

“Sir? Please remain calm. I’ll send an ambulance; can you provide your address?” The person manning the hotline’s soothing voice helped Taehyung, and he took a deep breath as he told her the address.

“An ambulance will be there ASAP. In the meantime, it would be helpful if you could induce vomiting to start removing the drug from her system.”

Taehyung tossed his phone onto the covers and pushed his sleeves past his elbows. “Induce vomiting…” he muttered to himself, his hands hovering uncertainly over your face. “Uhhh…”

Gingerly, he slid one hand under your neck to hold your head off the mattress slightly and winced as he stuck two fingers in your mouth, gently probing at the opening of your throat. No response.

“Fuck, come on…” he said, voice strained as he pushed a little harder and felt you gag. Encouraged, he did it again, and it felt like your whole body convulsed as you started throwing up.

“Gross,” he cried, unable to retract his hand fast enough. He tilted your head so you didn’t choke on your own vomit, and it fell onto the floor instead. He wrinkled his nose – the smell was awful, especially to his enhanced hybrid senses – but he could see the pills lying among the mess, and he sagged in relief, bracing his arms against the bed on either side of your prone form as he bowed his head, his forehead just barely touching your stomach.

And then the paramedics arrived, and everything was a blur of motion that Taehyung could barely keep up with. You were lifted onto a stretcher and someone was wiping off his hand, then he was following the paramedics out while answering their questions about you. Turns out, he didn’t know a lot about what you’d been doing before you decided to do this.

On the way to the hospital, he sat in the ambulance clutching your hand, hovering anxiously above you and watching your face for any sign of discomfort or pain. There was none, of course. You were still out cold, but watching you made him feel useful, and reassured him that you were still breathing and okay. His wolf was frantic, and it was difficult to keep his baser instincts under wraps when his control was so frayed by his emotional state, but he had to, for your sake.

It became almost a mantra for him during the traumatic hours when they wheeled you off into the hospital, pumped your stomach and gave you other drugs to get the sleeping pills out of your system. He reminded himself sternly that he could not give in to his animal instincts, rip into the doctors and nurses who were causing you pain and growl at everyone to leave you the fuck alone. It had been easier staying in control of his animal side when there was a task at hand that he needed to focus on to help you, but now that there was nothing to do but sit around, he felt like he was going crazy, the two sides of his psyche at war with each other.

He sat in the corridor right outside the room you were in, listening to the sounds coming from within: the beeping, the yelling from the doctor and nurses as they tried to save your life, and worst of all, the revolting sounds that came with you having your stomach pumped. You regained consciousness briefly during that time, and your cries of distress and pain were agonizing to listen to. Unaware that there was nothing he could do, his wolf side snarled and begged for him to help, to snatch you away from the people who were torturing you. He bowed his head, sat on his hands and cried along with you.

It wasn’t until you were safely in your own room in the hospital, cleaned up and asleep in your bed with an IV drip in, that Taehyung could finally relax, knowing you would be all right. He texted Namjoon to tell him what had happened, then just sat with you, waiting for you to wake up.

---------------------------------------

The room was dark, you noted sluggishly. The door was open, and some light spilled in from the hallway, but the ceiling was barely lit with a dim yellow. It was kind of soothing, you thought as your eyes slid shut again. Everything felt heavy and ached, so you didn’t bother trying to move. It was easier to just go back to sleep.

The next time you woke up, the room was bright again, and when you tried to lift your hand to your face to block out the light, you found that you couldn’t. This was concerning until you turned to see Taehyung, slumped on the bed with his cheek resting against your hand.

You wriggled your fingers a little, just to check that you still could, and the motion woke him up. He blinked slowly, his vision blurry for a second, until he realized where he was and jolted upright. It was probably the fastest you’d ever seen him wake up, and you wanted to make a dig at his expense about it, but when you tried to speak, you realized how dry your throat was.

“Water,” you croaked, and Taehyung leapt to do your bidding, bringing you a paper cup filled with water. You reached out to take the cup from him, but he refused to hand it over, helping you sit up with one arm while feeding you the water with the other. When the cool liquid touched your lips, you sucked it down eagerly, unaware until that moment how very thirsty you actually were.

“Slowly,” Taehyung cautioned. Ignoring him, you drained the cup and asked for more.

When you’d had three whole cups of water, he helped you find the remote control for the bed so that you could sit up comfortably. The blanket pooled around your hips and Taehyung continued fussing over you, making sure you were comfortable.

“I’m fine, oppa,” you said, batting his hands away gently. He looked up at you, his face so close to yours, and the anguish you saw in his eyes took your breath away. “Oppa… are you okay?” you asked, cradling his face with your hand. You swept your thumb across his cheek as his eyes closed. He was supposed to be okay… that was the whole point.

“I should be asking you that question,” he forced out, his voice thick with emotion as he sat back down heavily. “Y/n… why did you do it?”

Swallowing hard, you looked away from him and refused to say anything.

“Y/n, please…” he begged. “I want to help you. That’s all I want.” He leaned forward, trying to meet your eyes, but you slid your gaze away again. “If you won’t talk to me, will you talk to a psychologist or a therapist?”

Your eyes widened in panic and you turned back to face him so fast he thought he might have heard your neck crack. “I can’t talk to anyone else about this!” you cried out. “You know we can’t tell anyone about the… the…” As you realized what you’d almost blurted out, you clammed up, clutching at your blanket in distress as you lowered your gaze.

“Is this… about the imprint?” Taehyung asked, his voice shaky now. You didn’t reply, but the damage was already done. “Y/n, I’m sorry,” he said quietly, his voice choked. He sniffled and blinked away tears. “I know this has been difficult and unfair for you,” he continued. “If you want to leave me, you only have to ask, okay?”

Fuck. This had never been the plan. Now he thought there was something wrong with you and wanted to get rid of you. Of course he did – who wanted a defective pet who tried to commit suicide? “You want me to go?” you asked in a small voice. “Where- where would I go?”

“Will you be happier if you leave? I just want you to be happy, baby. You can go live with my parents, or I’ll get you your own apartment somewhere, or if you want--” He gulped. “I can see if anyone else wants to adopt you. You’re so cute and pretty, I’m sure lots of hybrids want to adopt a human like you.” The words felt like ground glass, but he was sincere in his offer. If it would help you, he would give you up entirely, despite the personal cost to him. Even saying the words had his wolf going crazy, begging and whining for you to stay, but he remained resolute, refusing to give voice to his feelings. This was about you, and it would remain about you.

Would you be happier if you left? Honestly, you didn’t know. You looked up at him and bit your lip thoughtfully. The imprint had been difficult for you to deal with, yes, and he’d ruined your trust in him by kicking you out. But he’d been trying to make up for it ever since, and it had been about eight months of him reining in his instincts and being patient and kind. You were more than aware that his insomnia was caused by you, and it probably wasn’t the only problem that you were causing in his life, yet he’d never made you feel bad.

And—most importantly, he’d saved you. You were sitting in this hospital bed, well and alive, because of him, and he was still trying to help you. Would you ever find somebody who cared about you as much as Taehyung? Who else would go to the same lengths to make sure that you were safe and happy?

Even now, you could see how difficult it was for him to make you that offer. Taehyung was notoriously bad at hiding his feelings, after all, especially from someone as familiar with him as you were, but even without seeing his distress from his body language, you knew that it wouldn’t be easy for him if you left his life. Yet he’d offered, and he was being sincere about it.

Taehyung was one in a million, and you’d lucked out by having him as your owner. He’d been exemplary other than his one slip, and as awful as that had been, you could sort of understand why he’d done it. Besides, hadn’t he made up for it?

Before you knew it, you were shaking your head. Slowly at first, then increasingly vehemently. You didn’t want to leave him, you realized now. Yes, things had been difficult recently, but he’d done his best to make up for it, was truly remorseful about his mistake, and you could feel how much he cared for you with everything he did. For the most part, you really liked being his pet, and you would miss him if you left.

“I don’t want to leave,” you said in a small voice.

Taehyung sagged in relief. “Okay, baby,” he said, reaching out to stroke your hair. “We’ll figure it out, okay? Trust me. I’ll never let anything bad happen to you ever again.”

His promise made you feel like everything was going to be all right, because you knew Taehyung would move heaven and earth for you.

------------------------------

When you were discharged from the hospital a few days later, Taehyung was right there to pick you up, wheeling you out in your wheelchair – despite your protests that you could walk, thank you very much – and attempting to help you into the car. Although you slapped his hands away and got into the car unaided, you couldn’t stop the small smile that stole across your face at how eager he was to coddle you.

Taehyung had barely left your side during the time you’d been in the hospital, and they’d given him special permission to stay past visiting hours because he was your owner. He’d only gone home to shower and change, and to bring you some proper clothes to change into when you were discharged. Your near-death experience had changed your entire outlook on the situation you were in, and you were more open with him now than you’d been in the past months, ever since he rescued you from the streets. Taehyung, for his part, reveled in your new, easier relationship with him, smiling so much at you that you wondered how his cheeks didn’t ache.

You were glad to be home, honestly. Hospital food sucked and you craved the comfort of being back in familiar surroundings. Taehyung looked over at you after pressing the button for the elevator, and you smiled back at him. “You doing okay?” he asked, just to be sure. He’d been doing that a lot over the past couple of days – asking after you periodically, like he just had to make sure that you were still okay.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you told him, squeezing his arm. You knew it had scared him when you suddenly – or so it seemed to him – decided to take your own life, with very little warning. Since you didn’t have any plans to tell him why you’d done it, not being willing to throw Namjoon under the bus when you knew he’d meant well, you’d made up your mind to reassure him that you didn’t have any plans to try again. You were quite happy being among the living.

When Taehyung opened the front door and let you in, you about leapt out of your skin when you saw the other boys standing in the entrance. “Y/n-ie!” Jimin cried, rushing to give you a hug. Confused, you stood still and let him rub his cheek against your temple, staring with wide eyes at the boys over his shoulder.

“Guys, what are you doing here?” Taehyung grumped, trying to sound irritated but not entirely succeeding.

Hoseok shrugged. “We wanted to come welcome Y/n back,” he explained. “We brought lots of food, too.”

“Aww, thank you guys,” you giggled.

It was easy to not overthink when you were with all seven of the boys. They were rowdy and noisy, as always, yelling at each other and hamming it up to make you laugh. You didn’t need to do much to feel comfortable with them, sliding into old, familiar patterns of interaction as you sat at the table and ate the food they’d brought, giggling at their antics.

Even Taehyung seemed to relax around them, losing the tension you’d seen him carry in his shoulders and the lines around his mouth. As he smiled and laughed with Jungkook and Jimin, you couldn’t help but feel warm inside. This was what you had chosen, and you were happy with your decision.

None of the boys mentioned why you’d been in the hospital to begin with, not wanting to make you uncomfortable, but from the way Namjoon kept staring at you, you knew Taehyung had definitely told at least him. You tried your best to avoid his gaze, feeling awkward, but you could feel his eyes drilling holes into the back of your head.

After lunch, you excused yourself to use the restroom while the others started clearing up. As you were washing your hands, you stared into the mirror as the memory of what had transpired the last time you were in this room happened. Right behind the mirror was the cabinet, and you couldn’t help but recall reaching in to grab the bottle of pills.

Shaken, you quickly dried off your hands and exited the room – only to run into Namjoon, who was leaning against the wall by the bathroom door.

“Oppa,” you greeted him, making to skirt around him and return to the living room, where the rest of the boys had migrated.

“Y/n,” he said urgently, and you looked up at him, surprised. You’d thought he just wanted to use the bathroom too, but apparently you were wrong.

“What is it, oppa?” you asked politely, not wanting to make a scene.

“Y/n, I’m sorry,” he apologized, looking down shamefully.

Your eyes widened. This hadn’t really been what you were expecting. “What for?” you asked cautiously.

“For suggesting that you should… you know,” he gestured at you with his hands, unable to say the words.

“Oh… don’t be sorry. You didn’t force me or anything,” you said, patting his arm.

“Still, I shouldn’t have told you about it,” he persisted. “That was wrong of me, I realise now. It’s not your responsibility to break the imprint.”

“Oppa…” you sighed. “It’s really not your fault, okay? I was the one who made the decision, and I was the one who asked you for the information. I know you were just trying to help.”

He raised his anguished gaze to meet yours, and you were surprised by how truly miserable he looked. This whole time, you’d thought that he only tolerated you, that he resented you because of what you’d done to Taehyung. His attitude towards you had shifted so drastically after finding out about the imprint that you’d gotten whiplash, and it was a huge part of why you ultimately accepted that the imprint was mostly your fault. Seeing him so cut up about your suicide attempt was jarring, to say the least.

“No, it was wrong of me,” he insisted. “I’m so sorry, Y/n. I realise now that it isn’t your fault all of this happened, and I should have known better than to tell you when you were still recovering from your traumatic experience.”

“What did you tell her?” Taehyung’s voice cut rudely into the discussion you were having with Namjoon, and you both whipped around, eyes wide. It would have been almost comical if Taehyung hadn’t been so furious.

“Taehyung-ah—”

“Tae-oppa—”

Both of you tried to placate Taehyung, but he wasn’t having it. “What. Did. You. Tell. Her?” he asked, louder and more forcefully this time.

You wanted to facepalm. You’d been so careful about not letting it slip to Taehyung, trying to prevent this very situation from happening, and he’d caught you at the earliest possible moment.

“Tae-oppa, please—” You ran towards him, grabbing his shirt with your hands and trying to stop him from advancing on Namjoon. “It was nothing, please just let it go,” you begged.

When he looked down tenderly at you, brushing his thumb over your cheek in a manner that was very reminiscent of the way you’d done the same to him in the hospital, you relaxed a little, thinking he was going to do as you asked. Then he looked up at Namjoon over your head, and you sighed. Oh well, you thought. It would have been too easy if you’d been able to defuse the situation just like that.

Namjoon, for his part, wasn’t doing anything to defend himself, standing with his head bowed and hands clasped in front of him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly, knowing that Taehyung would be able to hear him anyway.

It didn’t help. Taehyung pushed you out of the way gently and you stared, wide-eyed, as he stalked towards the taller hybrid. Namjoon could probably defend himself if he wanted to, but he didn’t bother, letting Taehyung deck him so hard he fell onto the ground. Unsatisfied, Taehyung straddled him and continued hitting him repeatedly, so hard you could see Namjoon’s eye already swelling shut as blood spattered on the ground.

“Stop, stop!” you screamed, throwing yourself onto your knees behind the and wrapping your arms around Taehyung’s waist. “Stop, please…” you started sobbing, burying your face in his back. The violence reminded you of being out on the streets, watching the various gang fights between the humans that would take place on a near-daily basis.

The commotion had the other boys rushing to see what was going on, gathering in the hallway as they gawked at the scene in front of them. Hoseok was the first one to snap out of it, running forward to haul Taehyung off Namjoon. The fox hybrid wasn’t strong enough to control the incensed wolf, but Jin and Jungkook quickly stepped in to help, and together they managed to separate the two.

Jimin darted forward to fuss over Namjoon, helping him up while Taehyung strained against his brothers and continued yelling and swearing.

“Tae-oppa, please,” you begged, wrapping your arms around his waist. “Please stop.”

The proximity to you seemed to help, as he relaxed slightly in your hold. “You’d better go,” you said to Namjoon, and he nodded. The rest of the boys filed out with him, leaving you alone with your owner.

“Tae-oppa, are you okay?” you asked worriedly once the door closed behind the others. You pulled away from him and grabbed his hands, examining them to make sure he hadn’t hurt himself.

“Is that why you did it?” he asked. He didn’t sound like himself, and you looked up at him with concern. His bangs hung over his eyes, which were still sparking with rage. He’d never seemed more like an animal than in that moment, and this was including the last time he’d been in heat.

“Taehyung-oppa…” You didn’t know what to say.

“Is it?!” he raised his voice, and you jumped in fright. Your nerves were already shot to hell from the bathroom and then the confrontation with Namjoon, and you broke down in tears.

“I’m sorry,” you blubbered between sobs. “He said it was the only way to break the imprint, and then you said you didn’t want it, and I thought—”

“Hey, hey.” Your distress snapped Taehyung out of his anger, and he immediately turned his attention to comforting you. “I wasn’t blaming you, please don’t cry,” he said, his tone a lot softer now as he rubbed his hands up and down your arms. “You don’t need to apologize, ever, okay? It was my fault for being thoughtless,” he said, ducking a little so he could look you in the eye when you were stubbornly looking downward.

“I don’t ever want you to think that the imprint is a problem for you to solve, okay? It’s not your fault, and I should never have made you think that you had any obligation to seek out a solution, especially one like that.” The strength and conviction with which he spoke the words made it difficult to do anything other than nod, and you finally felt the weight you’d been carrying on your shoulders ever since Namjoon told you about what he thought was the only way to break the bond.

“And I’m sorry for yelling.” He sighed as you hugged him, wrapping his own arms around you and stroking your hair as you sobbed into his shirtfront. “Next time, if you have any problems, I don’t want you to think you have to hide them from me, okay? Even if they’re about us.” He might have imprinted on you, but he was still your owner and he was still responsible for you. He’d been paying for his slip-up for almost a year now, and he was determined to be more mindful from now on. The image of your body, looking so small and fragile, in your bed still haunted him.

------------------------------------

Being back in your room was difficult, you realized once you’d washed up and gotten ready for bed. Even getting into bed made you think of your suicide attempt, and there was also that ugly stain on the carpet from where you’d thrown up. Taehyung had tried to clean it, but he hadn’t been able to get the stain out, and looking at it bothered you.

There was no way you’d be able to fall asleep in the room, so you hesitantly walked over to Taehyung’s intending to bunk in with him. However, the moment you reached the door, you chickened out and paused with your fist raised. Would it be okay if you slept with him tonight? Taehyung would never say no, but you knew it would probably be difficult for him to get any rest with you in his bed. The last time you’d slept in the same room with him had been the night he found out about your experience on the street, and you still remembered waking up to his hard-on pressing into your back.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, you thought. You could always stay on the couch tonight, you decided and turned to do just that. Before you could take a step, however, the bedroom door opened behind you and you turned back around to see Taehyung standing in front of you wearing just pajama pants.

“H-hey,” you said awkwardly.

“Do you want to come in?” he asked. You didn’t ask how he knew you were there – of course he heard you coming down the hall. You bit your lip uncertainly, but sleeping with him did sound like a much better option than the couch, so you said yes and scurried into his room, climbing back into your side of the bed and burrowing under the sheets.

“Are you all right?” Taehyung asked as he got back into bed.

You hummed noncommittally. “I guess,” you said cagily, and he turned onto his side to look at you more fully. The intimacy of this position made your heart race, and you weren’t sure if it was discomfort or something else. His quirked brow was all it took to make you come clean. “Being in my room reminds me of… you know,” you mumbled, feeling guilty for some reason.

“It’s okay,” Taehyung soothed, though he didn’t initiate any physical contact. “You can stay here tonight, and tomorrow we can go stay with my parents for a while, okay? Would you like that?”

Your eyes lit up at the prospect. “We can visit Yeontan?” you asked, your voice lilting with delight.

“Of course we can,” Taehyung said, smiling at you. Your affection for the little dog knew no bounds, and he really should have done this sooner, he realized as he watched you snuggle more deeply into the sheets and shut your eyes. You were asleep within minutes, which he envied, knowing it would probably be a sleepless night for him.

Thankfully, he was wrong, although he thought maybe it would have been better if he’d stayed awake when he woke up and realized that he was wrapped around you again. He was really working on remembering to limit physical contact with you, but it was difficult not to give in to habit (and his wolf instincts) when you seemed more open and comfortable around him than you had in months. Your brush with death had really changed your attitude towards him, it seemed, and though he didn’t really understand why, he was just pleased that you didn’t seem to shy away from his touch as much anymore.

Carefully disentangling himself from you, he slipped out of bed with his phone in his hand and hobbled awkwardly towards the bathroom. Sharing a bed with his imprint was hard (pun intended). Sitting on the edge of the bathtub, he called his parents to ask if it was okay if the two of you stayed with them for a little while. They were more than pleased to have you.

The next call he made was considerably harder. Since he wasn’t exactly on talking terms with Namjoon, he called Hoseok to let him know that he would be taking a couple of weeks off to spend time with you and his family. He felt bad about it, and apologized repeatedly, but right now he had to make you his priority.

Hoseok was understanding enough, explaining that he too thought it was best if Taehyung and Namjoon didn’t see each other for a little bit. They were already going to have to push promotions back by a couple of weeks because Namjoon’s face was messed up, so it would be fine if he skipped practice.

When he hung up the phone, he took a moment to bury his face in his hands. God, everything was a mess, but at least you were healthy and seemed to be in high spirits. Shaken up by your near brush with death, sure, but overall doing way better than expected. Thank God for small blessings, he supposed. And big blessings too, like that he’d decided to come home early and found you before it was too late.

You woke up to an empty bed, but that didn’t really faze you. When you peeked out the bedroom door, you saw the bathroom door was closed, and figured Taehyung was in there. Shrugging, you skipped over to your room to start packing. You couldn’t be more excited about going back to Geochang and seeing Yeontan and Kai and everyone else.

---------------------------------------

Being back on the farm was great, you thought. Yeontan came running up to the car as soon as it pulled up in front of the house, and you leapt out to pick up your furry little friend. “I missed you so much,” you cooed, rubbing your face in his fur as he wriggled around excitedly, trying to lick your face. Taehyung’s parents came out to greet you, hugging their son and then you. Yeontan was now panting happily from his perch in your arms, and you cuddled him as Taehyung brought your bags in.

Distractions abounded on the farm, and you kept yourself well-entertained with Taehyung’s siblings, nephews and nieces, and hanging out with your old friends. It made it easy to avoid thinking about everything that had transpired, and every night when it was time for bed, you were so exhausted that you weren’t able to lie there thinking and worrying, falling asleep almost immediately.

Taehyung was enjoying the break too. He loved the city and his work, but being back in the countryside, with the clean air and the family he rarely got to see was a welcome respite. He spent his days mostly in the house, hanging out with his family while you ran around doing whatever. It was nice to see you happy again, he thought one afternoon as you took a nap on the couch, snuggled up with Yeontan. He was still a baby, but he was getting on in age and wasn’t as spry as he once was, something you didn’t mind as you carried him around so he wouldn’t strain his little joints walking.

Still, you could only distract yourself for so long before everything caught up with you, and you found yourself huddled in a shed late one morning crying over everything you’d lost. As healing as being on the farm was, it reminded you of the last time you’d lived here, while Taehyung had been serving in the military. It had been so much easier, everything uncomplicated and simple. You hadn’t had to battle these complicated feelings for Taehyung, knowing that he was struggling with his own turmoil – you’d just been secure in the fact that he loved you the way he should love a pet.

Yeontan, concerned, propped his front paws on your knees and tried to lick your tears away, but you just pulled him close as you continued to sob. Why had everything become so difficult? What had you done to deserve all of this?

As you were having your little breakdown, Taehyung was looking for you. It was almost lunchtime, which you were never late for because you loved his mom’s cooking, so he got concerned when you didn’t pop up with Yeontan in tow. It seemed like the dog liked you better than everyone else, including Taehyung himself, which didn’t seem fair, but he’d gotten over sulking about it when he saw how happy you two made each other.

“Mom, have you seen Y/n? She’s usually never late for lunch, I’m getting worried,” Taehyung finally asked after checking every room in the house and the spots around the farm he thought she’d be.

“Oh, try looking in that old shed on the far corner of the orchard, sweetie,” his mother replied carelessly, plating up the dishes. “She likes to hang out there for quiet time; thinks we don’t know about it.”

With that helpful tip, Taehyung jogged through the orchard to the shed in question, knowing he’d hit the jackpot even before opening the door because of the sound of your sobs coming through the door.

“Y/n?” he called, knocking on the door. “You in there?”

Sniffling, you hastily tried to wipe away your tears with the sleeve of your shirt. “Yeah,” you called out.

“Hey,” he greeted you as he walked in, coming to take a seat next to you. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” you said, looking down at your hands, half-covered by your oversized sleeves. Only your fingers peeked out, making you look smaller and more vulnerable than usual.

“Come on,” Taehyung coaxed, knocking his shoulder into yours gently. “You know you can trust me with anything, right? I’ll always support you.”

You clenched your hands into fists, hiding them in your sleeves. Yeontan hopped from your lap to Taehyung’s, and you felt the loss of his warm little body immediately, curling closer into Taehyung in response.

“It’s just… it’s a lot,” you said vaguely, unsure of how to put your thoughts into words.

Thankfully, Taehyung understood without you needing to say anything. “I’m sure it is,” he empathized quietly. His giant frame radiated heat that you soaked up eagerly. As a human, you weren’t quite as resistant to the cold as he was. “If you want to talk about it, though, I’m always here for you, okay? It can be now or any time.”

“I know.” You nodded. Taehyung had definitely demonstrated his commitment to you. Whether it was because he was a responsible pet owner or because of the imprint you weren’t sure, but you knew now that there was no stronger force on this earth than Taehyung’s determination to keep you safe.

It was that sense of security that had you opening up to him. Resting your head on his shoulder, you started speaking. “Being here just reminded me of a simpler time, is all.”

“I get that,” Taehyung said quietly, leaning his head against yours. “Being here reminds me of my childhood too.” He ignored the way his heart seemed to skip at your proximity, determined to be there for you. You’d always enjoyed physical comfort in the past, and it wasn’t anything more than that. What kind of owner would he be if he couldn’t even cuddle his pet?

He looked down at Yeontan, sitting on his lap and panting up at him happily. That’s right, he tried to convince himself. You were just like Yeontan. Pesky imprint aside, he shouldn’t see or treat you any differently.

Thankfully, you didn’t notice any of his inner turmoil since you were so absorbed in your own thoughts. Looping your arm around his, you continued speaking, feeling like now that the dam had been broken the words were spilling out of you almost too fast, without any control. “I know none of this is your fault – well, except for kicking me out, that most definitely was—” Taehyung nodded, accepting your censure with grace, “—but it just feels like a lot of pressure, you know?”

Taehyung stiffened. “If I’ve ever made you feel obligated to do anything—” he began, but you cut him off, shaking your head.

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Your brow furrowed as you thought about the best way to phrase it. “It’s just that…” you paused to think for a moment, before continuing. “Knowing how much you’re struggling makes me feel like I should be doing more to help you,” you explained.

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to, really, you shouldn’t worry about this at all,” he stressed, and meant it.

“That’s not how caring about someone works, Tae-oppa,” you countered. “Besides, isn’t your heat coming up soon? If we don’t go back soon you’re going to have to go through it here and it’ll be super awkward and—” You stopped when Taehyung abruptly lifted his head off yours and stared down at you.

“What is it?” you asked, looking up at him. He looked like he’d seen a ghost. “Oppa? You okay?”

“My heat,” he murmured. “I forgot about that.”

Your face scrunched up in confusion. “You forgot? How is that even possible?” The symptoms of his preheat were so disruptive that all his daily activities were affected by them.

“I don’t know, the symptoms just… disappeared.”

Blinking at him, you tried to put the pieces together. “Okaaaay…” you said slowly. “When did this happen?” If there was a problem with his health, you had to go back to Seoul ASAP so he could see a doctor. You’d never heard of this happening before, although granted, you’d never been seeking this information out.

“Uhh, I remember eating way more than usual for breakfast the morning that you, uh…” he paused awkwardly, then continued, skipping over any mention of your suicide attempt altogether. “Then you were in the hospital and I was so worried I was barely eating, so I guess it was then?”

You frowned. That didn’t make sense – his heat cycle had never been disrupted by stress before. Even when there’d been deaths in his family his heat had still passed without incident. Yet it had to be that, since the timing lined up so perfectly.

Taehyung’s lips pressed together to avoid smiling at how cute you were when you were deep in thought, trying to figure the puzzle out. “Come on,” he said, standing up and dusting his pants off. “It’s lunchtime.”

“Oh, okay,” you said quietly, jolted out of your train of thought, as you let him help you up. By the time you got back to the house, lunch was almost over and as you exclaimed your disappointment over your favourite stew being gone, you forgot entirely about the strange mystery of Taehyung’s heat.

--------------------------------------

Being back in Geochang meant hanging out with Kai again. Your reunion with your ex-boyfriend was something you’d been looking forward to since Taehyung even floated the idea of going back to visit his parents. You hadn’t broken up because you were incompatible in any way, of course, but because it was just impossible to be together, since your life was with Taehyung’s in Seoul, and Kai’s family was very happy living in the countryside.

Still, when you went to visit him, his owners just let you into the house, telling you that Kai was upstairs in his room. After thanking them politely, you ran up to his bedroom, bursting in and jumping on his bed, where he was still sleeping.

“Kai! Wake up, you lazy sack!” you giggled as you shook him awake.

He batted you away irritably. “I haven’t seen you in over a year and you’re still just as annoying as ever,” he grumbled, but since he glomped you while he was saying it, you ignored his annoying whining.

You bullied him into going to brush his teeth and sat on the edge of the bathtub watching him as he did so. He was just as handsome as ever, if not more so, but somehow you didn’t feel any attraction towards him. Was it because of the time you’d spent on the streets? Oh God, what if you didn’t like men anymore? Or sex in general? That would be a real tragedy, you thought, pressing your lips together.

Despite your confusion about Kai, the two of you still had a good time together, riding bikes around the countryside the way you used to. It was cold now, since it was winter, but you didn’t let that stop the two of you, even though you were both freezing with red drippy noses. Eventually you ended up in the community greenhouse, setting up a picnic in a cozy corner and shucking your coats. Being with Kai was easy and familiar, and you found yourself slipping into a younger state of mind, feeling lighter and happier. Still no lust, though.

Kai, on the other hand, seemed to have no such compunction – you felt his hand sliding along your lower back, clearly trying to get under your shirt, and you bit back a smile. Even if you didn’t reciprocate, there was something so therapeutic about the predictability of your ex-boyfriend trying to hit on you after all the chaos in your life over the past year.

“Kai,” you rebuked, brushing his hand away from you.

“No?” he asked, pouting at you.

Instead of answering verbally, you just shook your head with a smile.

“Okay,” he accepted, lying back. “I had my doubts anyway.”

“Yeah?” You turned onto your stomach and lay down next to him, propping yourself up with your elbows so you could look down at him easily. “How come?”

He shrugged. “Your whole vibe just seems different,” he said vaguely. “Can you move over a little, please? The sun is getting in my eyes.”

You rolled your eyes but acquiesced so that your shadow blocked out the sun. “What do you mean by that, though?”

“You seem… quieter, and your eyes are different. Like you’re keeping secrets, or you have a burden.”

Well, that much was certainly true, you thought as you hummed in acknowledgement.

“You’re still hot, though,” was his conclusion. You rolled your eyes as you laughed. Kai would be Kai, you supposed.

“Don’t worry, everything’s going to work out,” he said unexpectedly, and you looked at him with wide eyes. He’d always been perceptive, so you shouldn’t have been surprised though. He just smiled sweetly at you in response, and your heart squeezed with affection for him.

“Kai,” you sighed, snuggling close to him and resting your head on his chest. His arm came up around you, and it was nice and secure and warm. Still, you couldn’t shake the thought that Taehyung gave warmer hugs and was altogether better at making you feel like nothing in this world could touch you.

The both of you fell asleep in the greenhouse and only woke up when the sun was starting to set. Kai dropped you off at your place, just like old times, and you smiled fondly at his departing figure on his bicycle before turning around to enter the house.

You almost tripped over Taehyung on your way back into the house.

“Where were you all day?” he demanded.

“Jeez, oppa!” you screamed, pressing your hand over your pounding heart. “I was hanging out with Kai today, don’t worry,” you said dismissively, walking into the house. “Mom, I’m home!” you called out, unwinding your scarf and shucking your coat.

Taehyung came in after you, right on your heels. “You smell just like him,” he grumbled.

“Yeah, we fell asleep after lunch,” you explained with a shrug. This wasn’t necessarily uncommon behavior – even when you were just hanging around the house, you often napped in the afternoon.

His face still looked like a thundercloud, though. “What’s wrong, Taehyung-oppa?” you asked, your brow starting to furrow in concern. Had you missed something important today?

“Nothing,” he sulked. “You just really smell like him,” he repeated.

“All right,” you accepted, though you gave him another strange look before going to the dining room.

Jealousy was inappropriate and ridiculous, Taehyung reminded himself sternly as he ran his hands through his hair. He glanced towards the dining room where you’d gone, and tugged on the fluffy strands hard, hoping the pain would help him ground himself. You’d done nothing wrong and didn’t deserve this weird attitude from him.

Still, he had to admit that he absolutely hated having to smell another man’s scent on you, especially because Kai was human. He knew that you hadn’t done anything with Kai, but still, even if you had, who could blame you? Certainly not his mother, who was asking you about your day with your fellow human.

He needed to get a grip, he decided as he went to rejoin his family. This silly possessiveness over you was because of the imprint. He’d promised you that the imprint wasn’t going to be a problem because he could control it, and he intended to keep that promise.

Although, he thought as he looked over at you again, helping his mother set the table, these days he wasn’t quite sure where he ended and the imprint began.

-------------------------------------------

By the time you headed back to Seoul with Taehyung two weeks later, your relationship with him was much stronger, and you were happier than you’d been since before his last heat. Being in Geochang was like magic for you, the change in your surroundings making it so much easier to talk to Taehyung about all the doubts and insecurities that you’d been battling with for the past year. You’d even confessed your long-held guilt about taking advantage of him during his last heat, which he’d been horrified by.

Taehyung was driving, and he thought you were asleep in the front seat, so you took the opportunity to open your eyes just a crack to peek at him. He looked so good today, his large hands handling the steering wheel with ease, and you never felt safer than you did with him at the wheel.

“Tae-oppa?” you asked hesitantly as he got into the other side of the bed.

He hummed in acknowledgement, letting you know he was listening.

“About your heat…”

At that, he turned around to face you more fully, showing that you had his full attention.

“Can you go through your heat with another woman?”

“Uhhh…” Taehyung blinked at you. The question had come out of nowhere, and it took him a few seconds to digest it. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “It’s not like there’s a manual for the imprint. It was thought to be obsolete technology, remember?”

You scooched further down into the sheets as you contemplated your response. “So what happened during your last heat… will it happen again?” It was kind of embarrassing talking about this, but you needed to be prepared. You weren’t going to end up in the same position as last year, caught off guard and unable to protect Taehyung from himself and you.

Unbeknownst to you, Taehyung was thinking the same thing. “It won’t,” he rushed to reassure you. “Now that I know what’s going to happen, we can make preparations, okay? You’ll stay with Yoongi or one of the others during my heat. You don’t have to worry that I’ll, uh…” He didn’t want to use the word ‘attack’, but that was what came to mind. “Anyway, yeah,” he concluded lamely.

“But you’ll be miserable, won’t you?” you asked, your eyes filled with concern.

“You don’t have to worry about that, sweetie,” he reassured you. “I can handle myself.”

“But I already feel bad about what I let happen last year,” you protested. “Are you sure you can’t go through your heat with someone else?”

His nose wrinkled in distaste at the mere thought of another woman, but he was more focused on what you’d accidentally let slip. “What do you mean what you let happen?” he asked.

Oops. You hadn’t really meant to say that. “You know,” you equivocated, gesturing helplessly with your hands. “You were clearly indisposed,” you tiptoed around it delicately, “and I should have known better than to reciprocate.” God, this was embarrassing. Your hands itched to bring the duvet up over your head.

“Y/n… what are you talking about?” Taehyung, completely flummoxed, had nothing else to say.

Okay, screw this. You burrowed further under the sheets, hiding your head under the covers. You were officially leaving this conversation.

“Y/n, what happened wasn’t your fault at all,” Taehyung said strongly, patting the head-shaped lump under the covers. “I basically attacked you like an animal, and you were the one who stopped it from getting out of hand. Thank you for that, by the way.”

Your head popped back out. “’Thank you’?” you echoed disbelievingly.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have wanted anything to happen, especially when we hadn’t talked about it before. You took charge when I wasn’t able to control myself, and I know it was difficult for you.”

Your eyes started to sting, and you willed your tears away. The relief of knowing, after all this time, that he didn’t blame you and you didn’t need to keep carrying this burden silently was overwhelming, making your throat close. You couldn’t have said anything in response to him, and Taehyung didn’t push you, just smiling down at you before he turned over and went to sleep, leaving you with your own emotions.

You’d thought about that night almost obsessively since, and you were replaying the events that had occurred in your mind again. Ever since then, you couldn’t stop the way your heart sped up a little when Taehyung was around, and you didn’t quite know what to make of it. He just made you feel so safe and cherished, and he’d so easily helped you set down all the emotional baggage you’d been accumulating for the past year. Was it gratitude or was it something more?

You opened your eyes fully and blinked at Taehyung, and he took his eyes off the road for just a second to smile at you. “Did you have a good nap?” he asked, returning his gaze to the front.

“Yeah,” you replied, smiling back at him. It was true – ever since you’d told him everything, you’d been sleeping so much easier. You still had occasional nightmares about your time on the streets, but Taehyung was always there when you woke up to comfort you, and you were starting to move past it.

“That’s good,” he said, the sincerity radiating off him.

Yeah, you thought to yourself. It was good.

---------------------------------

The return of his preheat symptoms didn’t particularly surprise Taehyung, but it definitely complicated things a little. Now that you were less distracted by everything and getting the space you needed from being home, without cameras constantly trained on you, you noticed almost immediately, increasing the amount of groceries you bought and making other small adjustments to make it easier for him.

These days you accompanied him to the studio more often than not, and somewhat ironically, it was Namjoon who was the most grateful to see you there. Even though you still seemed a little uncomfortable around him, refusing to make eye contact and getting jumpy whenever he walked past your chair or came too close, you were also careful to keep an eye on Taehyung, intervening whenever it looked like Taehyung was getting too hostile. Without your presence, he was sure that the comeback prep would have fallen apart ages ago. It wasn’t the first time you’d mediated fights between the boys, but Taehyung had never been so angry for so long before.

As Taehyung stormed out of the studio where they were practicing the choreography, citing his frustration with Namjoon’s inability to get the dance moves right as the reason he needed a break, you winced as you stood up and bowed deeply to the others in apology. “His preheat is making him irritable,” you explained. “I’m so sorry, I’ll talk to him after his heat passes and he’s more level-headed.”

The others made various noises of assent and/or irritation, but they all accepted that Taehyung’s behavior was just going to get more irrational until his heat was over. As hybrids themselves, they were more than familiar with the havoc that the heat wreaked on their emotions.

Turning, you ran after Taehyung, finally finding him in the empty recording booth. He was seated on the couch, his elbows propped on his thighs and his face buried in his hands. When he heard you come in, he didn’t even react.

“Hey,” you said softly, coming to sit next to him. “You doing okay there?”

“No,” Taehyung grumped. “And you probably shouldn’t sit this close to me, either.” Your scent had been distracting him all day, and the sexual frustration added to his existing anger towards Namjoon. He probably shouldn’t have snapped, but he was still so angry at the older man for meddling.

Ignoring him, you rubbed his back soothingly. You’d gotten a lot better about physical contact, and while he was grateful that you seemed to be moving past your trauma quite well, it really wasn’t helping. One consequence of the delayed heat seemed to be that the heat symptoms were coming on a lot faster and more intense, and he didn’t really trust himself around you anymore. Even your comforting touch was making heat coil in his belly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you suggested.

“I’m just mad at Namjoon-hyung, that’s all,” Taehyung explained sulkily. “I don’t know why you aren’t more upset with him. He literally told you to kill yourself.”

“Okay, first of all, no he didn’t,” you said firmly. “He just said that was the only way he’d found to break the imprint, and he told me explicitly not to do it.” You might not be pleased with Namjoon for what he’d said to you when you were in a fragile state, but still, you didn’t want Taehyung to get the wrong idea. Namjoon had meant well, after all, and besides, Taehyung still had to work with him, and they were brothers.

“Secondly, I was the one who sought him out and asked him. And you know he’s just looking out for you. You weren’t happy about the imprint either and he thought he was being helpful.”

“I guess,” Taehyung grunted. He hated how much sense you were making. He still wanted to be angry with Namjoon, especially since it was giving him another outlet for all the nervous, pent-up energy he had inside him.

“Besides, he gave you information when you asked for it, right? It would have been unfair for him to not tell me when I asked too.” Seeing him start to cave, you snuggled closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “I’m not saying you have to forgive him or anything. You’re allowed to feel how you want to feel. Just be a little more patient with him, okay? He was just trying to look out for you, and he made a mistake. It happens to all of us.”

With your scent in his head and your body pressed up against his, Taehyung lost all sense of reason as he turned his head, caught your chin in his hand, and kissed you. His lips were soft as they moved against yours, but you were completely frozen, your mind blanking at the unexpected kiss. It was only when Taehyung brought his other hand up to cradle your face as he started to deepen the kiss that you regained your senses, pushing him away by his shoulders.

You stared at each other for a second, neither of you sure of what to say. You were sure the shock was written across your face clearly, while Taehyung just looked slightly confused, his eyes still heavy-lidded. Then you could see the awareness trickle back into Taehyung’s gaze and his ears started turning red.

“Fuck!” he exploded, standing up. “Fuck, Y/n, I’m so sorry, I—” For a second longer, he just stood there, then he made an abrupt turn and ran out of the room.

Damn. You ran your fingers over your lower lip thoughtfully. You hadn’t been kissed for a long time – the Big Bang boys hadn’t been big on that – and it seemed you’d missed it. There’d been some initial anxiety when he kissed you, and your mind had short-circuited for a second, but right before you pushed him away… you’d started to enjoy it, just a little.

Huh.

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“Hey, Y/n?” Taehyung said suddenly, breaking the silence that the two of you had been stuck in since leaving the studio. That had been one of the most awkward car rides you’d ever experienced, but every time you wanted to say something, you looked over at Taehyung and his troubled frown stopped you. He really was awful at hiding his feelings.

You looked up from your dinner, happy that he was finally talking to you again. “Yeah?”

“Maybe it would be a good idea for you to go stay with Yoongi until my heat is over,” Taehyung said, fiddling with his stew and refusing to look up at you. He’d been castigating himself about what he’d allowed to happen ever since he left you behind in the recording booth, and feeling lower and lower the more he thought about it. This was the only way to make sure you were safe from him, he figured. He’d promised to protect you, and that included from himself.

You frowned. “But your heat isn’t here yet, is it?”

Some awkward throat-clearing and foot-shuffling later, he admitted, “It’s coming on really strong this time, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry about earlier, but I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again if you stay here.”

Here it was. You swallowed and put down your chopsticks, lining them up with your thumb on the edge to buy some time. You’d been thinking about this ever since he left, and you weren’t quite sure whether this was the right decision to make, but you wanted to anyway. Taehyung had been there for you every step of the way, not just throughout this whole year-long nightmare, but before that too, and remembering how amazing he’d been throughout it all, even though it had to have hurt him to know how much trouble you were having because of him made something flutter in your tummy.

“I don’t want to go.” Now that the words were out in the open, you looked up through your lashes, sneaking a peek at Taehyung’s reaction. Would he be happy? Excited? Turned on? The anticipation made your stomach clench.

“Y/n…” Taehyung sounded slightly irritated now, and that wasn’t what you’d been hoping for. “Thank you for your trust in my restraint, but please go. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want,” he begged.

“Maybe… I do want it,” you suggested. Your voice was barely a whisper and the words had come out so fast a normal human would never have been able to make it out, but you knew Taehyung would have no problem with that.

As he gaped helplessly at you, you felt a thrill of satisfaction. There it was, the reaction you’d been hoping for. “A-are you sure?” he asked, and you felt a pang of fondness for him. He was always doing his best to look out for you, even at his own expense. If anything, it made you more certain of your decision.

“I’m sure, Tae-oppa.” Then you realized that he might not be willing to do this with a human and quickly backtracked. “I mean, only if you want to too! If you don’t want to be with a human—”

“No,” Taehyung interrupted. “I do, I…” Emotion seemed to overwhelm him for a second, before he composed himself. “Do you know what you’re agreeing to?” he asked, just to be sure. He didn’t think he would be able to restrain himself if you were here with him during his heat.

You smiled at him and reached across the table to scratch his ears. “I do,” you told him with a soft smile, as his eyes closed in enjoyment. He’d always enjoyed this, you thought fondly, and he was so handsome like this, with his features relaxed. He’d spent a lot of time frowning in the past year.

“Thank you,” he whispered, and when he opened his eyes, you saw such profound gratefulness shining in them. You wondered if he saw the same thing in your gaze.

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Now that he had permission, it was like a switch had flipped in Taehyung. He insisted on helping you do the dishes that night, which was usual, but he decided that he absolutely had to stand shoulder to shoulder with you in front of the sink, helping you rinse the dishes and place them on the drying rack after you’d scrubbed them with dishwashing liquid. When you were done, he stood behind you as you rinsed your hands off and wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his nose in your hair.

When you went to bed with him, he snuggled up to you like he used to before everything happened, dragging his nose across the pulse point in your neck to scent you as he wrapped himself around you. It didn’t take you long to realise just how restrained he’d been in terms of physical contact, letting you initiate more often than not and only touching you casually and fleetingly when he did reach out to you.

Still, you could tell that he was holding himself back, not wanting to overwhelm you with the sheer extent of his heat-driven desire for you. In the mornings, though you could feel his boner pressing into your ass, he just rolled away when he woke up without you saying anything. Neither of you quite talked about the inevitability of his approaching heat and what it meant that you’d agreed to spend it with him, but the tension between you was thick enough to cut with a knife. Taehyung still tried his best to be respectful of your need for distance, though, keeping all physical contact – well, if not platonic, at least affectionate more than overtly sexual.

You could tell it was taking a toll on him, though, and now that you were aware and looking out for the signs, you wondered how it was that you’d been so oblivious last year when he’d been struggling through his preheat. You had to stop going to the studio with him because he was having a hard time focusing on anything when you were around and would often just stare at you instead, which had earned him a few questioning looks from the other boys.

Now that you’d agreed to spend his heat with him, Taehyung’s wolf was finally satisfied after over a year of being in conflict with his rational side, and it felt indescribably good, like puzzle pieces falling into place. He hadn’t even realized how agonizing it had been to hold himself apart from you, like trying to tear the two halves of his psyche apart. His wolf reveled in every touch, every flirtatious look and smile that you sent his way, puffing up proudly every time he saw you. It was a little embarrassing, since Taehyung knew that it was ridiculous to feel that way, but he couldn’t help it. Now that he didn’t have to fight the imprint, it settled into place in his chest warmly, making him feel like he could take on the world. For the first time in years, he actually found himself looking forward to his heat.

As his heat drew ever closer, Taehyung, ruled by his baser instincts, allowed himself to indulge in you. Casual cuddling on the couch while watching TV turned into lazy makeout sessions, which inevitably ended with him lying on top of you, your tongues sliding against each other lewdly while he tried his best not to grind against you. More than once, he’d had to excuse himself abruptly while you lay, dazed and flushed, on the couch, trying to recover and feeling bereft from the loss of his warmth.

This time, Taehyung was well-prepared for his heat, taking time off instead of going to work like a fool like he had last year, so when he woke up one morning and felt the familiar full-body ache that meant his heat was coming, he didn’t have to do anything but pull you closer to him. He knew you were awake from the sharp intake of breath you’d taken when you felt his erection rubbing against your ass, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel all that embarrassed about the way he was basically grinding against you.

“Y/n…” he groaned, his hands sliding up your shirt greedily to feel you up.

“Tae-oppa,” you gasped, and he made a noise low in his throat in response. He liked that, he decided. In his heat-addled state, he wasn’t capable of much complex thought, but he was definitely more than capable of making you scream his name.

However, your priorities were very different from Taehyung’s. As you gradually gained consciousness to Taehyung manhandling you, it occurred to you how nasty your breath was – and how bad his was as well, probably. Knowing that you might not have a chance to brush your teeth for hours if you let him start now, you tried your best to wriggle away from him to get to the bathroom.

“No,” he whined against your neck. “What are you doing?”

“I wanna brush my teeth,” you complained. Thankfully, his heat had just started and he hadn’t lost all sense of reason yet, so he let you go, though he was sulky when you turned back to look at him.

“Come on,” you coaxed with your hand out for him to take, rolling your eyes at his pouty expression. He looked just like a child that had had his favourite toy taken away. Still, he was pliant and obedient, and you even managed to convince him to brush his own teeth too.

“Do you want breakfast?” you asked as Taehyung was rinsing his mouth out. The bathroom door was open, and you were leaning against the wall right outside the door. He wasn’t very vocal this morning, but then he usually wasn’t a morning person anyway, so you didn’t think too much of it.

At your question, his entire demeanor changed. “No,” he growled. “I don’t want fucking breakfast.” He took the couple of steps to you, his long legs eating up the distance, then he was on you, pushing you back into the wall as his mouth descended on yours.

You’d been kissed like this only once before, a year ago during Taehyung’s last heat. He was ravenous, one hand cupping your cheek as his other gripped your hip urgently, sliding around your back to press you closer to him. As his tongue slid against your bottom lip, you let out a small moan as heat rushed through your lower belly. The sound only spurred him to deepen the kiss further. All those makeout sessions on the couch had nothing on this.

Taehyung’s urgency was contagious, and you hooked your fingers in his pajama pants to pull his hips closer to you, reveling in the feel of his erection prodding at your belly. He started grinding it against you, detaching his lips from yours to pant. “Fuck,” he gasped, shuddering. “You smell so fucking good.” Then his lips were back on yours again, his hand diving into your pants.

As much as you were enjoying this, you didn’t particularly want to be fucked against a wall, at least not for your first time. (You decided to put a pin in it to revisit later.) “Tae-oppa,” you gasped as his fingers ghosted over your clit through your panties. “We should go back to the bedroom.”

He pulled back, clearly displeased with the idea of any more delays, but couldn’t fault your logic, so he lifted you off the ground and carried you back to his room. The casual display of strength was more arousing than you could have imagined, and you felt the wetness slipping out of you as you wrapped your legs around his waist.

“Fuck,” Taehyung said again, gripping you more tightly. He couldn’t get back to the bed fast enough now, and one hand slid down to your ass to hold you close to him as he sped up.

Unwilling to part from you for even a second, he fell with you onto the bed, almost crushing you beneath his weight as he kissed you again, a filthy mess of lips and tongues that made both of you moan. He separated from you for just long enough to pull your camisole over your head, although you definitely heard it rip – not that you were overly concerned about it, however, when he was sliding his big hands over your body to grope your tits.

In retaliation, you stuck your hand down his pants. He wasn’t wearing underwear, which was very typical of him, and you smiled against his lips as you wrapped your hand around his dick and he shuddered in response. It felt so good to finally have a cock in your hand again, all warm and hard and throbbing.

Bracing his knees on the bed on either side of your hips, Taehyung lifted himself off you to tug your remaining clothes off, taking your panties and sweatpants in one fell swoop. You continued jerking him off almost lazily, looking up at him with half-lidded eyes.

With you now naked, the scent of your arousal permeated the air, driving Taehyung crazy. He had to have more of it, and it was that thought that guided him to shift so that he was between your legs, pushing them further apart to reveal your soft, wet pussy, all shiny from how turned on you were. It made his mouth water and his cock throb between his legs.

“Shit,” he breathed quietly, his eyes completely fixated on what lay between your legs. His unabashed scrutiny was starting to make you feel a little self-conscious, and you started to bring your legs together, but he stopped you with his hands on your inner thighs and a warning look.

“Tae-oppa,” you whined, throwing an arm over your eyes to hide. “Stop staring.”

“Okay,” he agreed absently. It wasn’t a difficult promise to make, he thought as he lowered his head. There was so much more he wanted to do to you.

The first swipe of his tongue across your slit had you shivering. “Fuck, you taste so good,” he groaned before he dove back in with gusto, using broad strokes of his tongue to scoop up all the juices leaking from you before circling your clit. He teased you with light, kittenish licks that you honestly wouldn’t have expected from someone clearly so wrecked, and he moaned like you were doing him a favour by letting him eat you out.

It was all too easy for him to build you up to the brink of orgasm, his heightened senses allowing him to take note of every sigh, whimper and moan that you emitted as he found all your best spots. With his fingers in you rubbing against your g-spot and his lips suckling on your clit, it wasn’t long before you were lifting your hips off the bed, thrashing as you came ever closer to the edge.

“Please, Tae, pleasepleaseplease—” you moaned, cutting yourself off with a choked cry as you felt the tension in your lower belly snap beautifully. You clenched hard on his fingers as you came, your slick dripping out of you and down his hand. When the waves of pleasure buffeting your entire system stopped, you opened your eyes and blinked at him lazily with a small smile.

Taehyung, on the other hand, stared down at you with intense bedroom eyes as he lifted his hand – the one that just been inside you – to his mouth and cleaned your juices off with his tongue, keeping eye contact the entire time. You couldn’t help but feel a frisson of arousal snake through your core again at the clear intent in his gaze.

“Tae…” you held your arms out for him invitingly, and he groaned as he bent to kiss you, one hand planted into the mattress next to your head for balance while he worked his way out of his pajama pants with the other. Too impatient to take them off fully, he left them bunched around his knees as he shuffled closer to you, stroking his erection with his hand.

“’m gonna fuck you now,” he mumbled against your lips as he lined the tip of his cock up with your folds. You held your breath in anticipation – despite everything that had happened, including your brief dalliance earlier this year, the two of you had never actually done this before. You found yourself tensing up as he started pushing his way into you, making him groan at the increased tightness and friction.

“Relax for me, love,” he mumbled, his breath washing against your temple. You whimpered, locking your arms and legs around him and clinging on for dear life. Slowly, biting your lip, you concentrated on doing what he said, and he huffed in pleasure as he sank further into you. You were wet enough that even though you were tight around him, it didn’t really burn, the stretch and fullness teetering on the edge between pleasure and pain.

“Good girl, such a good girl for me,” Taehyung praised, stopping to kiss you. Compared to what you were currently in the midst of, this kiss was gentle and chaste, intended to comfort you. It was somewhat surprising – based on what he’d told you and what you’d observed, you’d expected him to be out of control, unable to focus on anything other than his own pleasure. This considerate, gentle side of Taehyung wasn’t one you’d expected to see until the initial wave had subsided and he could think more coherently.

That wasn’t to say, of course, that you didn’t notice the strain this slow pace was taking on him – he was sucking marks almost viciously into your neck, his teeth catching on your skin almost threateningly, and his whole frame was wound so tight that he was almost trembling. You felt the tension in his shoulders and back, and you stroked his side soothingly, although from the way the muscles under your hand jumped, he didn’t appreciate the meaning behind the gesture.

When he finally bottomed out, you let out the breath you’d been holding as he groaned, holding himself painfully still. He could feel every ripple as you clenched and fidgeted under him, trying to get used to having him inside of you, and it was sorely testing his control. “Y/n, please,” he finally groaned. “Please stay still.”

Instead of doing as he said, you clenched as hard as you could around him, delighting in the shaky groan he let out as he dropped his head, his forehead brushing against your collarbone. “Fuck,” he huffed, reaching down to hook his arms behind your thighs and draping your legs over his shoulders. “I tried to be nice,” he grumbled as he pulled his hips back.

“Fuck being nice,” you purred as you hooked your arms around his neck, one hand finding its way into his hair.

That was the last straw, and all the impressive control Taehyung had been showing up till now shattered spectacularly as he started a brisk pace with his hips, folding you almost in half with his frame. You really didn’t have any clue just how much he was holding back until he stopped, but you couldn’t bring yourself to regret it as he plowed into you with everything he had.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he huffed, his breath making the baby hairs by your temple flutter. The bedsprings were creaking and the headboard thumping against the wall, but neither of you could bring yourself to care. All of Taehyung’s energy was being channeled into fucking you as hard and as fast as he could, his mind solely focused on the race to the finish. He was going to fill you up so good, you’d be dripping with his cum for days, finally getting those vile human men’s scent out of you…

The thought was endlessly titillating to him, and when he looked down to where you were joined, putting a visual image to the filthy thoughts swirling in his head, he bared his teeth in a snarl. The sight of his cock splitting you in half, shiny from your juices was almost too much for him, but he couldn’t look away.

Taehyung had never looked more like an animal than he did right now, completely focused on fucking your brains out, but instead of being afraid, his fucked out expression sent a shiver through you – the good kind, of course. You wanted to cum with him, but in his current state, he wasn’t focusing on your pleasure, so you snuck a hand between your joined bodies to rub at your clit.

As close as he was to orgasm, the sight of you pleasuring yourself filled him with irrational fury. His wolf howled, demanding that he take care of his mate, and completely under its sway now, he batted your hand away with a growl. “You’re mine,” he snapped as he took over, rubbing your clit with the rough pad of his thumb.

“Cum with me,” he groaned into your ear before he kissed you. He was too far gone to do it properly, of course, basically just pressing his open mouth against yours in a filthy imitation of a kiss, but he still managed to retain the presence of mind to tilt his hips slightly to adjust the angle with which he was pounding into you so that he could brush against your g-spot. The increased stimulation made you wail as you tried your best to move with him despite your limited leverage.

“Fuck, Taehyung,” you huffed, trying to warn him as your hips jerked slightly, pressing your clit harder against his thumb to get that little bit more that you needed to cum. And then it was happening, your mind blanking out as you squeezed his cock tightly, clenching rhythmically as you worked through the waves of your orgasm.

As he heard and felt you cum around him, Taehyung groaned like he was dying and redoubled his efforts, his hips now basically a blur with how fast and hard he was thrusting into you. “Fuck, Y/n, yes,” he groaned breathlessly as he finally came, pushing himself as deep as he could and grinding against you for that extra bit of friction to make his orgasm last just a little longer.

When it was over, he slumped down over your body, letting go of your legs so that you could wriggle them out from under him to wrap them around his hips, a far more comfortable position for you. He felt boneless, so utterly satisfied that he would never need anything again, although he knew that was definitely not true. In about ten minutes, he’d be ready to go again.

For now, though, he was happy to just fuss over you, nuzzling into your cheek and brushing your sweaty, matted hair away from your face. “You’re so pretty,” he sighed blissfully, bracing himself over you with his elbows as he leaned down to kiss you. The urgency was temporarily gone now, and he traded soft, slow kisses with you, feeling so happy his heart could burst.

“I love you,” he blurted out unintentionally, and your eyes widened in surprise. He didn’t know where it had come from either, but now that it was out there, he realized that he meant it. No one had ever made him feel so good – not just physically, of course, but so at peace with the world. When he was with you, everything felt so right, so perfect, like you’d been made for him and he’d been made for you. If that wasn’t love, what was?

You raised your hand to cup his face, brushing your thumb across his lips. The way he looked at you, searching, hopeful, made your heart clench. Taehyung always made you feel so safe, so protected, like nothing could ever touch you. Being with him felt like being free from the difficulties of life that lay outside his bubble of protection. If that wasn’t love, what was?

Smiling back at him, you told him, “I love you too.”

[dinosaurtsukki]

haikyuu!! zombie apocalypse AU

anon: hi! how do you think haikyuu pairs would react/response in a zombie apocalypse?

this ask sure takes me back because i had SUCH a zombie phase when i was 12. i literally bought that ‘zombie survival guide’ book by max brooks and walking dead was my fave but AHHH I’M SO EXCITED FOR THIS ASK. also this eventually becomes more angsty as it goes on

Hinata and Kageyama: 

hinata would probably be the first to believe in the news on TV but they’ll both be freaking out a lot when they first encounter an actual zombie 

luckily they’re both really good at running so they just run for their lives before they consider hiding somewhere

they probably pass by a convenience store to stock up on ‘necessary supplies’, that being meat buns and milk 

between the two of them, it would be kageyama who’d keep more of a level head. he devises a whole system for them when it comes to finding hideouts and taking watches at night

as much as possible, they wouldn’t want to directly engage with and fight zombies and choose to outrun them. mostly because hinata would still grapple with the fact that the zombies are still humans

they’d definitely try to find a group to stick around and travel with because they believe in safety in numbers. also they just know they’ll go crazy by themselves

hinata, who hasn’t dealt with the whole zombie apocalypse so far, would feel much better in a group. he’d take on the role of taking care of fellow kids. also, his speed and quick reflexes make him a good scout when they have to do supply runs

kageyama would definitely try to hone his skills with using weapons so that he could be one of the fighters that the group can count on. most of the time he’s doing target practice 

if they’re in a good group, i can see their survival chances being quite good but without, they’d probably suffer from emotional damage by themselves

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi:

neither of them would be able to believe their eyes after hearing the news and they’d both be too shocked to act when a zombie horde starts attacking their town

tsukishima would be the one to act first and yell at yamaguchi to run away with him 

both of them would try to find a strategic place to hide. if they’re in school, probably thought of hiding in the kitchens because it has weapons and food

they both like to play it extremely safe so they wouldn’t dare leave that hiding spot until either supplies have run low or they’re chased out 

yamaguchi is generally quite hospitable to other survivors, especially if he knows that they’re fellow students but tsukishima is way more suspicious

luckily, tsukishima’s wary nature has saved them from being entangled in group conflicts or other people who would try to sabotage them

the only thing is that none of them are very good at combat or doing supply runs so they do have to rely on being in a group

tsukishima would be quickly known for having really good strategies to minimize casualties when they do have to do supply runs or raid a building to turn into a hide-out

yamaguchi would take it upon himself to learn first-aid so that he could be more useful to the group and he becomes invaluable to them in the long-run

between the two of them, yamaguchi would be more hopeful about humanity’s survival and them trying to find a cure or a way to eradicate the zombies

tsukishima would just only grow pessimistic as the years go by, not just from the ongoing zombie apocalypse but because of how he’s seen people lose their humanity

Daichi and Sugawara: 

they’re shocked at first but fairly quick to react. they’re able to grab the attention of people around them and start a plan of escape in the event that they’re both in a building when it happens

daichi would be quick to take somewhat of a leadership role but he wouldn’t hesitate to put himself out there to direct counter-attacks. because of this, people would easily see him as a very reliable person 

sugawara is also quite skilled at coming up with solutions whenever they’re in a predicament. if they end up in a hideout, he’s in charge of laying traps for any zombies that might come in

both of them do have the potential of becoming leaders in a group of people

their main aim would be to have a section of the city full of survivors that would also be self-sustainable and of course fortified from the outside world

their only fault probably would be that they’re too forgiving and have trouble making hard decisions

in the event that only one group of people would be saved between two, daichi and sugawara would try to save both but that does cost them

they also have a tendency to make things seem okay when it’s not okay to prevent mass hysteria

but that does mean they’ll be hiding things from their own group. but one thing they have promised is to tell everything to each other

Oikawa and Iwaizumi:

ngl they’ll both be really freaked out in the face of a horde of zombies unless iwaizumi would quickly pull oikawa off to the side so they could hide somewhere 

i can imagine iwaizumi hammering nails into a baseball bat and expertly using it as his weapon 

oikawa is quite crafty and cautious when it comes to interacting with fellow survivors because the only person he can trust at this point is iwa-chan

he ends up prioritizing their survival above all else and has once or twice tricked or backstabbed another survivor just to get weapons or basic necessities

iwa isn’t a fan of it at first but after realizing that it could happen to them, he becomes more open to oikawa’s way of doing things

most of what they do is break into houses and stay there for the night before leaving and going someplace else the next day. they know its not wise to stay in one place

they also don’t really trust other people enough to be in a group. they already have each other so why take that risk?

they do like to look for alcohol when breaking into new houses and after making sure they’re safe, they’ll definitely spend the night drink

neither of them particularly like the way they live and it’s things like these that they look forward to 

both oikawa and iwaizumi would like to try and settle down at some point. hopefully in a cabin to themselves in the woods where they can live a life that’s as normal as it can get

Ushijima and Tendou: 

tendou,,, wouldn't be that surprised cause i feel like he watches a great deal of zombie films and just thinks that it will happen at some point

when ushijima sees that his friend just knows what to do, he doesn't hesitate in following him

they immediately arm themselves with whatever makeshift weapons they can find

tendou already knows to aim directly for the head and to use the zombie's slow speed to their advantage

its only after they're able to take a rest in a hidden place away from people and zombies that it hits them -- this is going to be their life from now on

they'll try to look for their friends if they can and form a group together. the only people they could actually trust are their teammates

both ushi and tendou would have really good combat skills though

ushijima has enough strength to wield almost any kind of melee weapon, even something like an axe. although his prefered one is a crowbar

crowbars are great zombie apocalypse melee weapons though because ideal weight + pointy end + functional

tendou is great at using handguns (he makes sure to always have a silencer on hand). knows how to conserve ammo too

ushijima would definitely try to look for an ideal place to live (like, a farm). he isn't a fan of having to constantly roam around

tendou is quite fond of scouting missions and being able to explore what’s left of the human race and structures. his goal is to make a map of the area around their hide-out for other people to use 

Kuroo and Kenma: 

ngl kenma thought that he had been gaming too much and now the zombie survival game he was obsessed with had come to life

and kuroo’s just like ‘are those??? zombies????’ 

it takes a while for them to snap out of it and realize that such a thing is now happening and they need to escape or hide

kenma’s survival instincts tell them to divert from crowds because crowds are bigger targets and spread infection easily

he’s very strategic about this and opts that their best chance for survival would be to gather resources and hole up inside an apartment with the doors barricaded

since they live in a city, it’s hard for them to move around because it’s so overpopulated

kuroo knows that they’ll have to leave at some point so he trains himself physically, even making makeshift weapons too (hello crowbar and probably a hammer)

kenma spends his days watching from a window, observing how the city population quickly gets infected and falls to ruin but tries to concentrate on routes for getting out

finally, they pack up what supplies they have and make their way down and hijack one of the cars left behind to drive out of the city

both of them know that they have a better chance of surviving in a group but they’re both still wary. whenever they sense that something’s off in their group, they’ll leave without a second thought

kuroo and kenma are the ones who miss the ‘old world’ more than anyone else and they always get a bit sentimental when they break into houses

kenma has a tendency to look around for handheld game consoles and batteries. his most prized possession is a gameboy that he only plays for one minute a week. sometimes he just holds it for comfort

kuroo likes visiting high school gyms, despite their danger. whenever he comes across one, he’ll mindlessly do some serves and spikes with any balls that are left

Bokuto and Akaashi:

when the zombie apocalypse happens, initially they put their trust that the military would be able to save them and that it won’t last for so long

they spent most of their time being in a makeshift military base camp, not knowing what’s happened in the outside world around them until their living space was infiltrated by what it was trying to keep out

akaashi was quick to pack up their things and run, dragging a shell-shocked bokuto with him

with the two of them alone for the first time, their sanity does crumble a bit until a pack of survivors from the same camp find them

neither of them can survive without a group, mostly for mental stability reasons

but when they’re with a group, they are sure to put in their own work

despite his physical prowess, bokuto still has reservations with killing zombies because part of him still sees them as people who unfortunately ended up turned

he prefers roles related to building or strengthening their hideout like reinforcing walls and fortresses

akaashi has this desire to make things feel as normal as possible. he likes tinkering with machines and his main goal is to be able to set up a sustainable source for electricity

they have different reactions to how the world has changed. bokuto hates venturing out of the hideout and seeing the city that he’s known for so long being greatly different.

akaashi, on the other hand, is more accepting of how the world has changed, thinking that it must have been bound to happen

Osamu and Atsumu: 

the two of them have watched enough zombie movies to figure out was going on and instantly know what to do

they’re quite quick to snap into action and grab any weapons they can use nearest to them and just make a run for it

they both have different priorities -- atsumu being better weapons and osamu collecting resources like food and medicine -- but they’re quick to sort them out

both of them are also the solo drifter type of people. they travel in the same car, even having the foresight to steal gas from abandoned cars or stations at the roadside

the zombie apocalypse does bring out a savagery in atsumu and osamu. they’re skilled with killing zombies alright. in fact, almost too skilled

the killing desensitizes them to violence and they end up adapting a more ‘survival is the fittest’ mindset

they do have different skills when it comes to combat. osamu prefers using a gun and is quite handy at it. atsumu feels more comfortable with using melee weapons

when put into the situation where they have to kill a fellow human being for their own benefit, they won’t hesitate to do so

sometimes, the twins do reminisce about how their lives used to be and the dreams they once had

atsumu raises his hands and pretends to set a ball when he’s alone and osamu sometimes laughs to himself whenever they raid a grocery store

there’s a savagery in how they kill zombies because of this because that’s how they take out their anger on the things that robbed them of the life they should have had

***********************************************

taglist (still open to anyone who wants in!): @montys-chaos​ @miyumtwins​ @strawberriimilkshake​ @pocubo​ @sugawara-sweetheart @akaashisbabydoll @laure-chan​ @therainroguefanfiction​ @atetiffdoesart @stephdaninja @oikaw-ugh​ @charliefredb​ @dramaqueenweeb1469 @tremblinghearts @applepienation @doodleniella @haikyuu-my-love @waitforitillwritemywayout @kattykurr @tpwkatsumu​ 

[sodone-withlife]

i know who i am

summary: really, he never saw himself ever willingly letting anyone in on his broken past, but here he was, sitting in across from Waipo in the tiny cramped office at the back of the shop and nervously sweating about what he was about to tell her

read it on ao3: chapter 1 is the original version with Mandarin, chapter 2 has everything translated into English

the movie really hit me hard as an ABC, and I really wanted to write something for it. even though she barely had any screentime, I loved Waipo—she reminds me of so many of my relatives—so I decided to make her be one of the most important people in Shangqi’s life, and it turned into this wonderful mess (i had to stop writing this for a bit because I literally made myself cry). there is mandarin in this, it's kind of intended to be a physical manifestation of how my bilingual brain works (i did put the English-only version first, the original version with Mandarin is under that one but the formatting for it one is better on ao3, so i suggest reading it from there). apologies for my shitty mandarin; I have mediocre language skills, but I'm still so excited to be able to incorporate it in my writing. in regards to the character's names: I only know for certain the Chinese characters used for Shangqi and Wenwu, but for Xialing, I'm going to go with what it apparently was in the hong kong release (夏灵, with 灵灵 as the nickname)

English Translation:

“Waipo, do you have a bit of time?” Shangqi stood in front of Katy’s grandma, fidgeting nervously as fluent Mandarin rolled off of his tongue with an ease he's never felt in any other part of his life. “I want to talk to you about something."

She pinned him with a knowing stare. “Does it have anything to do with the trip you and Katy went on this past week?" she asked, Not waiting for his answer, she got up from the shop register and beckoned him into the back office. Feeling oddly like the first time he came into the store years ago as a teen—when he first met Katy’s family who had since taken him under their wing—he followed her into the familiar, cramped space.

He wasn’t exactly sure what within him prompted this interaction. He had come to San Francisco for a normal life, to get as far away from his father’s reaches as he could and to outrun the blood that stained his footsteps.

Never did Shangqi imagine that he would end up claiming the ancient rings that now sat in a heavy-duty (thanks to Xialing, with whom he now keeps in regular contact because of the promise they made to each other before he left the compound because he already left her behind once, and he’s never doing it again damn, my baby sister is running the Ten Rings now, and she’s trying to turn it into something better) and a very well-disguised (thanks to the sorcerers in the New York Sanctum and holy shit he’s in contact with famous superheroes now) back in his mess of a studio apartment.

Never did he imagine letting anyone in on his broken past, and even though his hand had been forced when it came to telling Katy, here he was going to the second person who truly saw something in him when he first started his new life and planning to tell them everything.

(Okay, fine, Shangqi wasn’t actually planning on letting anyone else in on it after telling Waipo, not even the rest of Katy’s family, but he really didn’t want them to be so involved yet—he still had no idea what he himself was doing and he wants to preserve what normalcy he can.)

(Also, he’s been reliably informed that anyone close to a public figure is bound to be targeted for attacks—which he figured out when the mercenaries attacked on the bus because yes, Lingling, he does have brain cells thank you very much.)

“Little Dragon, what’s on your mind?”

Little Dragon.

He started at the nickname, the one originally given to him by his mother. Somehow, it had completely slipped his mind that Waipo also called him that, starting a few weeks after he first met the Chen family. He barely kept it together, the long-unused nickname dredging up memories he had thought left him forever.

You have the heart of a dragon, she had declared firmly when he asked her why she decided on that particular nickname.

(That was exactly what his mother had told him right before she died, and yet he stood by, hidden behind a door, and did nothing while the men beat and killed her, the heart of the family.)

(He would carry the guilt with him for a lifetime.)

It was a while before he could bring himself to visit the family again—there were a lot of awkward excuses before Katy reluctantly backed off—and it took even longer for him to get somewhat used to the name again, but he eventually started seeing it as a gift with each faint impression of happier days that he got every time Waipo called him that.

Old, weathered hands gently covered his own, which were shaking and clammy with nervousness. Shangqi wondered how Waipo would react to the darker side of the lost boy she had basically adopted all those years ago, wondered if the legends of Ta-Lo and the Great Protector were known outside of the rather insular communities that continued to tell the stories, wondered if she had heard about his father through the stories that were passed down for thousands of years, from generation to generation…

(It can’t be wrong to miss him, can it? Even with the years of hell Wenwu had put him through, he was still his father. Shangqi still faintly remembered the man his father had been when his mother was still alive, the happy times they shared as a normal family…)

(But those times were long gone, ripped from their grasp by the past Wenwu wanted so badly to leave behind. Grief had shattered the whole family, and it ultimately led to the children fighting the father who had been driven to near madness in his denial, in his quest to put his broken family back together again.)

Mom, I miss you so much.

(And now Wenwu is dead, just like his beloved wife.)

(But just as she died to protect her children, he did the same. Now, his children are reunited and in contact again, getting ever closer despite living as far apart as they did, and he was reunited with his love in the afterlife.)

Finally, he straightened his posture and took a deep breath, looking directly at Waipo, who he’d come to view as the grandmother he never had.

“Waipo, have you heard of the legend of the Ten Rings?”

And Shangqi told her everything.

He told her everything and more,

She listened.

She listened as he described the legends behind the Ten Rings, Ta-Lo, and the Great Protector; his father’s history; his own history, from witnessing his mother’s death to ripping open the throat of the man who killed her when he was barely a teen, from leaving Lingling behind to seeing her again in the fight club she built from the ground up, from returning to the compound after a decade away in San Francisco to the battle in Ta-Lo…

Finally, he fell silent and stared at his hands but it wasn’t long before Waipo moved, slowly standing up with one hand on her cane. He made to help stabilize her but was quickly waved off with a stern look. He sank back into the chair and felt her move behind him. The shaky weight of her hands on his shoulders as she gently pressed down and straightened his posture was familiar, even after years of not having his posture deliberately—so gently—fixed like that every time he saw Waipo.

“You are the legacy of all who came before you, but you are your own person.” she finally said gently, and the tension in his shoulders slowly loosened under her familiar touch. “You decide your own fate.”

~~~

That night, Shangqi knelt before the altar he had in his apartment, the only part that was carefully maintained in all the years he had lived there. But now, two smiling faces stared back at him, a joy reflected in their eyes that he knew would disappear in less than ten years after the photo was taken.

Am I still your pride and joy? Lingling grew up, but I didn’t even take care of her like I should have.

I swear to you, I will never abandon her again

Even as his life got even more unbelievable as the years went by, the altar and his copy of his parent’s wedding photo would remain a constant. He and Lingling dove deeper into their family history—of the Ten Rings, of Ta-Lo, of both the good and bad—and both worked to carry on their parents’ legacy.

(With all of the proper discretion agreements and threats when needed, of course.)

Lingling is dating my best friend now, and they’re so happy together. Mom, I know you would have loved Katy. Dad, I know you didn’t like her much, but she really is a wonderful person.

Life went on.

There were the good days, when he went out with others and could almost feel normal, and there were the bad days, when phantoms pains plagued him and he woke up from a restless sleep expecting to see bruises mottling his body like they did so often when he was younger.

(Also, he was considered a superhero now and holy shit that’s still insane, even years after he first got in contact with the Avengers and the sorcerers in New York. Now he was going all over the West Coast, to help the locals take care of whichever crazy supervillain decided to wreak havoc that day.)

Dad, I hope you find this story as funny as I did: I helped a group of American superheroes yesterday. They’ve never been to San Francisco before and were extremely unfamiliar with the roads, especially Lombard Street. They spent half an hour trying to drive down the street, but I ended up driving them down myself.

(San Francisco was still home, and he had found a life there with all his friends and Xialing whenever she visited. He had a job now, too, at the local youth center teaching martial arts and self-defense, teaching and guiding the youth in a way he wishes his father had with him.)

People came into his life; some stayed, some left, and some even got together.

Mom, Dad, Lingling and Katy are getting married today and everyone is so excited for them. I’m taking over the Ten Ring within a month so Lingling can take a break. She’s led the organization for so long, it’s my responsibility now. I hope I can live up to her standards, she’s done really well. She’ll be back in a few years, but even after, I’m going to be much more involved to lessen Lingling’s workload.

Shangqi walked the path knowing who came before him and who was still with him.

Most importantly, he walked the path knowing who he was—demons, flaws, strengths, and all.

Mom, Dad, don’t worry. I’ll take care of them.

I hope you’re happy together in the afterlife.

~~~

Don’t be afraid, Shang-Chi, for you have heart of a dragon and the power of the Ten Rings.

We will always be with you and Xialing.

Original Version w/Mandarin

“外婆，您有没有一点儿时间？” 尚气 stood in front of Katy’s grandma, fidgeting nervously. “我想告诉您一些事情。”

She pinned him with a knowing stare. “是不是跟你和瑞雯这前个星期去的旅行有关？” Not waiting for his answer, she got up from the shop register and beckoned him into the back office. Feeling oddly like the first time he came into the store years ago as a teen—when he first met Katy’s family who had since taken him under their wing—he followed her into the familiar, cramped space.

He wasn’t exactly sure what within him prompted this interaction. He had come to San Francisco for a normal life, to get as far away from his father’s reaches as he could and to outrun the blood that stained his footsteps.

Never did 尚气 imagine that he would end up claiming the ancient rings that now sat in a heavy-duty (thanks to 夏灵, with whom he now keeps in regular contact because of the promise they made to each other before he left the compound because he already left her behind once, and he’s never doing it again and damn, my baby sister is running the Ten Rings now, and she’s trying to turn it into something better) and a very well-disguised (thanks to the sorcerers in the New York Sanctum and holy shit he’s in contact with famous superheroes now) back in his mess of a studio apartment.

Never did he imagine letting anyone in on his broken past, and even though his hand had been forced when it came to telling Katy, here he was going to the second person who truly saw something in him when he first started his new life and planning to tell them everything.

(Okay, fine, 尚气 wasn’t actually planning on letting anyone else in on it after telling 外婆, not even the rest of Katy’s family, but he really didn’t want them to be so involved yet—he still had no idea what he himself was doing and he wants to preserve what normalcy he can.)

(Also, he’s been reliably informed that anyone close to a public figure is bound to be targeted for attacks—which he figured out when the mercenaries attacked on the bus because yes, 灵灵, he does have brain cells thank you very much.)

“小龙，你有什么心事儿？”

Little Dragon.

He started at the nickname, the one originally given to him by his mother. Somehow, it had completely slipped his mind that 外婆 also called him that, starting a few weeks after he first met the Chen family. He barely kept it together, the long-unused nickname dredging up memories he had thought left him forever.

你有神龙之心 ，she had declared firmly when he asked her why she decided on that particular nickname. You have the heart of a dragon.

(That was exactly what his mother had told him right before she died, and yet he stood by, hidden behind a door, and did nothing while the men beat and killed her, the heart of the family.)

(He would carry the guilt with him for a lifetime.)

It was a while before he could bring himself to visit the family again—there were a lot of awkward excuses before Katy reluctantly backed off—and it took even longer for him to get somewhat used to the name again, but he eventually started seeing it as a gift with each faint impression of happier days that he got every time 外婆 called him that.

Old, weathered hands gently covered his own, which were shaking and clammy with nervousness. 尚气 wondered how 外婆 would react to the darker side of the lost boy she had basically adopted all those years ago, wondered if the legends of Ta-Lo and the Great Protector were known outside of the rather insular communities that continued to tell the stories, wondered if she had heard about his father through the stories that were passed down for thousands of years, from generation to generation…

(It can’t be wrong to miss him, can it? Even with the years of hell 文武 had put him through, he was still his father. 尚气 still faintly remembered the man his father had been when his mother was still alive, the happy times they shared as a normal family…)

(But those times were long gone, ripped from their grasp by the past 文武 wanted so badly to leave behind. Grief had shattered whole family, and it ultimately led to the children fighting the father who had been driven to near madness in his denial, in his quest to put his broken family back together again.)

妈妈，我太想你了。

(And now 文武 is dead, just like his beloved wife.)

(But just as she died to protect her children, he did the same. Now, his children are reunited and in contact again, getting ever closer despite living as far apart as they did, and he was reunited with his love in the afterlife.)

Finally, he straightened his posture and took a deep breath, looking directly at 外婆, who he’d come to view as the grandmother he never had.

“外婆，您听说过 ‘十环’ 的传说吗？”

And 尚气 told her everything.

He told her everything and more,

She listened.

She listened as he described the legends behind the Ten Rings, Ta-Lo, and the Great Protector; his father’s history; his own history, from witnessing his mother’s death to ripping open the throat of the man who killed her when he was barely a teen, from leaving 灵灵 behind to seeing her again in the fight club she built from the ground up, from returning to the compound after a decade away in San Francisco to the battle in Ta-Lo…

Finally, he fell silent and stared at his hands but it wasn’t long before 外婆 moved, slowly standing up with one hand on her cane. He made to help stabilize her but was quickly waved off with a stern look. He sank back into the chair and felt her move behind him. The shaky weight of her hands on his shoulders as she gently pressed down and straightened his posture was familiar, even after years of not having his posture deliberately—so gently—fixed like that every time he saw 外婆.

“你是所有在你之前的人的遗产，但你是你自己的人，” she finally said，“你决定你自己的命运。”

You are the legacy of all who came before you, but you are your own person. You decide your own fate.

~~~

That night, 尚气 knelt before the altar he had in his apartment, the only part that was carefully maintained in all the years he had lived there. But now, two smiling faces stared back at him, a joy reflected in their eyes that he knew would disappear in less than ten years after the photo was taken.

我还是你的骄傲吗？灵灵长大了，但我也没好好照顾她。

我向你发誓，我再也不会抛弃她。

Even as his life got even more unbelievable as the years went by, the altar and his copy of his parent’s wedding photo would remain a constant. He and 灵灵 dove deeper into their family history—of the Ten Rings, of Ta-Lo, of both the good and bad—and both worked to carry on their family’s legacy.

(With all of the proper discretion agreements and threats when needed, of course.)

灵灵跟我朋友最近开始谈恋爱，他们俩可开心了。妈，如果你还在我们身边，我保证你会喜欢她。爸，我知道你一开始不太喜欢她，但她确实是一位精彩的人。

Life went on.

There were the good days, when he went out with others and could almost feel normal, and there were the bad days, when phantoms pains plagued him and he woke up from a restless sleep expecting to see bruises mottling his body like they did so often when he was younger.

(Also, he was considered a superhero now and holy shit that’s still insane, even years after he first got in contact with the Avengers and the sorcerers in New York. Now he was going all over the West Coast, to help the locals take care of whichever crazy supervillain decided to wreak havoc that day.)

爸爸，我希望你跟我一样觉得这个故事很好笑：我昨天帮了一组美国超级英雄开车。那是他们第一次来旧京山，对道路非常陌生—尤其是 Lombard Street。他们开也开不好，花了半个小时慢慢的开下去。最终，我把他们的车开下去的。

(San Francisco was still home, and he had found a life there with all his friends and 夏灵 whenever she visited. He had a job now, too, at the local youth center teaching martial arts and self-defense, teaching and guiding the youth in a way he wishes his father had with him.)

People came into his life; some stayed, some left, and some even got together.

妈，爸，灵灵她今天会跟我最好的朋友结婚，我们都很兴奋。我一个月之内开始接管十环的业务，让灵灵休息休息。她干了多少年了，现在是我的责任。我希望我能辜负她，她管的非常棒，帮了许多人。她几年后会回来继续当领导，但我好像在领导方面发挥更大的作用。

He walked the path knowing who came before him and who was still with him.

Most importantly, he walked the path knowing who he was—demons, flaws, strengths, and all.

妈，爸，你们放心吧，我会照顾他们。

我希望你们俩来世都幸福。

~~~

尚气，你别怕，你有神龙之心，十环的力量。

我们永远会在你和灵灵的身边。

[browniefox]

The One with the Motorcycle

@wrightfamilyweek day 4 - Free day! Which I took to mean 'shove my headcanon here'. At first I wanted to do something with Ryuunosuke, but I still haven't finished tgaa so uhhhh sorry my boy. Also, you can find this on AO3 here.

In which Trucy and Phoenix decide they need to find a more reliable method of getting around. Luckily, Phoenix already has a vehicle registered under his name.

oOo

“Does this mean that when I turn sixteen, I’ll get a motorcycle license?”

Trucy skips alongside her Daddy as they walk through the aisles of the storage facility. They pass locked garage after garage. Trucy has always known that her Daddy had somewhere he stores a bunch of stuff that doesn’t fit in the office, the stuff he used to keep in his apartment back when he had one, but this is her first time coming along with him.

There’s been a lot leading up to this. Now that Trucy’s getting a little older, there’s more things she wants to do, or go to, and Daddy seems to be getting a little busier too. He’s started going down to the library more often, and having some kind of meetings for lunch, and getting calls by people Trucy doesn’t know. They’re both getting busy, and buses and taxis only get them so far. Daddy had declared, in an almost resigned-sounding voice after they missed a bus and had to wait underneath the bus stop in the pouring rain for another thirty minutes, that perhaps it was time to find a more reliable method to get around.

“Dessie says she’s running a little late, but she’ll be here soon.” Trucy is in charge of the phone while Daddy frets over the pieces of paper in his hands, crinkling the edges up in his nervous hands.

Daddy doesn’t reply to this either, just keeps walking forward. Trucy frowns to herself. Daddy’s been kind of weird about this whole thing. From getting the Learner’s Permit, to the practice drives and lessons with Desiree, to his final test, but now if anything he seems at his most awkward and strange as they approach the storage unit.

They final come to a stop, and Daddy pulls up the metal door.

If old case files in the office were little glimpses into who Daddy was before Trucy knew him, this place was an in-color photograph.

There’s cardboard boxes with ‘sketchbooks’ scrawled on the front. There’s a dead plant in the corner. There’s a stack of picture frames, an old couch shoved into a corner, and a small wood table with rings from the ghosts of old drinks, a few splashes of paint marring the surface. There’s some art supplies shoved off in a corner that Trucy immediately goes over to, and piles of books Trucy hasn’t read before, and Trucy wants nothing more than to stay here all day and look through everything and anything in sight.

In the middle of the storage unit, however, is what they’ve come here for.

It’s a lilac-colored motorcycle. There’s an unhealthy-layer of dust on it - there’s a layer of dust on everything in the room - and Daddy brushes his hand over the seat and handles, sending a plume of the dust into the air. He starts sneezing and coughing over it and Trucy laughs a little at that. She stops in a moment, though, because of the almost-grim look on Daddy’s face as he stares at the bike.

They’ve been building up to this for months, in reality. Trucy realizes this now, that everything up to this point has been to get this motorcycle out of the garage and back onto the streets, because it was a vehicle Daddy already owns, and he wouldn’t have to go through the hassle nor money involved in getting a new one. But it’s also all conflicted with Daddy’s attempts to distance himself from the past.

Daddy wants to move forward in life, she gets that, but it makes Trucy sad anyway to see how nervous and resigned he’d looked about so much as calling the Delites for help. Like doing that much is losing something.

“So this is Aunt Mia’s bike?” Trucy asks, going over to it as well. She doesn’t know anything about things like this, but it looks like it’s in okay condition. It’s certainly not as shiny as Desiree’s, but it’s not bad.

“Yeah, it’s been a while. Sorry I haven’t by.” He says, and she can tell he’s not talking to her. His eyes are fixed on the bike like sometimes he’ll stare at Charley for what seems like hours on end; it’s never for that long, but it feels like it might be at times. He tilts her head to Trucy and explains, “I used to come by and try to keep it clean and stuff, but things have gotten… complicated. I’m sure Mia’s upset I haven’t done more to maintain this since she’s been gone.”

Ah, it’s one of the days where he’s talking about Aunt Mia in the present tense. It’s hard to tell if that’s ever a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe it’s just A Thing he does sometimes. Even after four years, there’s still so much Trucy hasn’t figured out about her daddy. Sometimes, he talks about Aunt Mia as the dead person she is, gone and out of this world, a deceased but loved person, just like Trucy’s mommy was talked about. Other days, though, it’s like he expects Aunt Mia to walk through the door any minute.

“Alright, well, let’s see what we can do before Desiree gets here.”

Daddy’s temporary license, the edges of which are almost torn up by his worrying hands, is set aside on top of the sketchbook box and he grabs a towel from one of the other boxes, setting to work on a more thorough dusting. Trucy searches through Daddy’s phone for the list of what to check for that Desiree had texted him and passes it over to Daddy.

Trucy picks a stool out from the mess of things and rifles through the sketchbook box, finding one and flipping through it. There’s mostly little doodles and the like on the pages, or realistic portraits of faces Trucy doesn’t recognize. She wonders if, were Daddy not so determined to distance himself from the past, she’d know any of them. There is a picture of Miles, and she knows him, so she smiles at that picture and lightly brushes her hand over the pencil markings. Miles looks really angry in the picture, and scribbled right next to him is ‘I’ll save you’.

And Daddy did.

“Alright, let’s see what we have to work with today!”

Desiree announces herself, carrying her own box of tools

“Thought you might not show up for a moment.” Daddy jokes, but it’s one of his hollow-sounding jokes. Desiree laughs anyway.

“Oh please, I’ve been waiting to get a look at this beast for myself ever since you told me about it!” Desiree says and starts going over the bike. She talks about oil and gas and spark plugs and batteries, looking over everything and digging through her stuff and checking things. She says they’re going to need a new battery, and definitely replace just about all of the fluids. Luckily, Desiree is well-capable of doing all of that, she assures them, and they’d be able to get it up and moving enough to get it to her shop where she could do some of the rougher things to do.

“How much do I owe you?” Daddy asks, and Desiree waves her hand.

“We can discuss that later, let’s focus on getting this beauty out of this dusty-old place and back here she belongs, huh?”

Desiree has said that every time, so far, that Daddy asks about price. Trucy can see that it means Desiree doesn’t really want to make Daddy pay for any of it, but it seems to put Daddy more and more on edge every time Desiree says it. He’s waiting for something bad to happen, and his tension over it bleeds into Trucy, even though she’s not worried. Desiree is a nice lady who likes to chat to Trucy and can talk a mile a minute about motorcycles. When she’s not talking about them, she’s talking about her husband, Ron

They walk the bike out of the storage facility, Desiree filling the space with chatter about what the make and model of Aunt Mia’s motorcycle is, and the pluses and minuses of it, and how it’s lucky that it already has a backseat for Trucy. Daddy says that he used to ride with Aunt Mia sometimes, eyes trained on the bike still, as if he expected it to fall apart at a moment’s notice.

Desiree’s red-hot bike is parked out front and she tells them to meet her at her shop. She’ll be able to finish up there, where the rest of her supplies is.

“Don’t worry, she should be able to get you there just fine. And anyway, you can tell me if anything starts sounding worrying!” Desiree says as she climbs onto her bike. It’s been what Daddy has been practicing on, what Daddy even passed his driving test on just yesterday, and the rumble of it had just started to become familiar. Trucy feels like she’s going to miss it, but she’s excited to see how Aunt Mia’s bike works out.

Desiree peels out and leaves Daddy and Trucy standing on the side of the road, Daddy regarding Aunt Mia’s bike like it’s a python that’s going to bite them.

“... maybe this was a bad idea.” Daddy says five months too late.

“You worry too much! C’mon, Dessie’s waiting for us!” Trucy hops next to him, excited to get on the bike. Daddy sighs, turning his helmet over and over in his hands. Trucy has her own, bought a couple months ago, but she hasn’t been allowed on a bike yet. ‘Not until I get my official license’, Daddy had insisted. Now is the time, though.

“But what if something happens? What if I crash, and you get hurt?” He says. Trucy feels a ripple of shock run through her and she looks at Daddy’s face. His expression is grim and an open wound of his emotion. Of worry and fear, “What if I crash and I ruin her bike? What if-”

“Daddy, you’re being dumb” Trucy informs him. Daddy looks at her, and she can already see him starting to close off again, but she steals the last few moments of honesty she can, desperately, “Daddy you can do this, okay? We’re going to be okay. Even if we have to go five miles an hour to get there.”

“I think I’m actually worse at driving slow.” Daddy grumbles. Trucy grabs his hands.

“Then we’ll go really fast. We aren’t giving up on this just because you’re scared.”

Daddy sighs and then ruffles her hair.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. It’d be stupid to give up right now. It doesn’t matter how long it’s going to take.”

They put their helmets on and climb onto the bike. They both hold their breaths when the engine first starts, and then it roars to life. It’s different than Desiree’s although exactly how, Trucy isn’t sure. She wraps her arms around her daddy’s stomach as they get going, keeping her eyes open. She isn’t scared, she can’t be. She needs to seem sure and trusting over this, for his sake, for their sake, so that they can make it through here together.

Things don’t change a lot with Daddy. They’ve lived in the same place for all this time, and Daddy’s worked at the same bar, and Trucy’s worked at the same bar, and they have the same routines day to week to month to year. This is new, this is change, but it’s a good thing.

They roar down the streets for the first time, Daddy is shaking, Trucy can feel it with how tightly she’s holding onto him. The air roars past them, chillingly-cold.

He did this for me, Trucy thinks, and then, no, he did this for us. For family, so that we can keep moving forwards .

If they had stood still, they would’ve been alright with buses and taxis and rides from friends. But they are moving forward in life, they need the ability to do more, be more independent, further their own things.

And help, here they had help, from Desiree, and from the thoughtfulness of Aunt Mia to leave Phoenix to her bike, and Ron had told Trucy before that Phoenix had helped them (Trucy had already known this, she’s read that case and every other case what feels like a thousand times over, her illicit self-read bedtime stories) and that they’d been wanting to do something for the man ever since they heard about The Disbarment.

It’s sort of funny, how independence and getting help seemed to go hand-in-hand.

Trucy and her Daddy roar down the streets, and her grip loosens as she gets more comfortable, and Daddy stops shaking so badly as he gets into his groove, because he’s done this before and has been training and practicing, and he knows how to ride a bike now, and Desiree has taught him how to maintain it, and now, now they are going towards a new normal, a new schedule, a second half of the darkest time of their lives (of course, Trucy doesn’t know this, and neither does her daddy, and now it seems like the shadows is simply where they will always be living) and they prepare to meet it together.

[flannel-cladpika]

Avengers x Teen reader

The reader is a brilliant engineer, that makes (grade A+) battle armor & weapons. The Vulture and the reader works together by selling these illegal armor & weapons. (The Vulture even gives the reader profit because the reader lives alone) The reader learns at school (The R is the quiet/loner kid) about Vulture getting arrested and they soon decide to leave New York and disappear. They grab all their money and leave to Tennessee to start a new life. The ending could be the reader starting a new life

Sorry for the delay! Here it is!

Avengers x GN! Teen Reader

You weren’t always like this. 

You had a family once. Loving parents, 2 siblings that were annoying but still kind and sweet. A nice house on the outskirts of New York City. You had the perfect life.

Until the world started ending due to an psychotic AI wanting control of the world.

You’d been out getting groceries while your parents were taking your siblings into the city to pick up some take out for dinner and maybe get something from the Cheesecake Factory.

You’d gotten home earlier than them, which was to be expected.

That’s when you saw the news.

There was an invasion of robots descending on the city. You heard screams in the background of the newscaster. You hurriedly picked up your phone and called your parents. It took three rings until one of them finally answered.

“(Y/n)! Are you alright?” you heard from the other line.

“Yeah, I’m fine, but where are you guys?! Tell me you’re headed home, ple-”

“Sweetie, I’m sorry...I love you...We all love you...No, no, no! God, no! PLEASE!! N-” and with that, the line went dead.

Later, when bodies were being identified, you found out that your family wasn’t among the survivors. That was the day you lost everything.

Timeskip~ 2 years later

You’d thrown yourself into your passion of engineering and tinkering, and worked like your life depended on it. You’d managed to make a name for yourself on the dark web and black market for being a fantastic engineer of unusual illegal weapons, like gloves that could shoot focused high-intensity soundwaves, causing an opponent’s ears to be in extreme pain and bleed, even causing horrible hearing loss.

You’d managed to make enough money from work to put yourself through school and even get yourself an apartment, though it wasn’t exactly the nicest place. But hey, you just needed a place to crash, keep all your equipment, and hide your money. A shady, rundown place was perfect. 

Through your work, you’d met some people. One of those being Adrian Toomes, aka, “The Vulture”. The guy had found out about you through a client of yours, and had apparently liked your products. He’d called you up on one of your  phones (you had several cells, to as to not be tracked), and asked for your help on a project of his. You’d heard of him, and knew he was a reliable guy in the underworld, so you agreed to meet him and see what you could do. Afterall, this guy had connections, which were invaluable in this business.

Turned out, the two of you worked really well together. He didn’t look down on you because of your age or treat you like a little kid. At the same time, he gave you space to work and listened to you. After a few more collaborations, you asked to move your tools into his warehouse, as your apartment wasn’t such a good workspace. He smiled and agreed. 

Adrian, or as you liked to call him “Vultch” was good to you. He would happen to bring extra food in his meals and offer you some. He’d even gotten you a new power drill for Christmas. He knew you were an orphan, and knew you lived on your own, but never pushed for details, which you were grateful for. He was like a father-figure, or at least a caring uncle.

When you met his daughter at school, you actually didn’t know who she was at first. Their last name was the same, but you figured that was probably just a coincidence. As a quiet kid who liked books and formulas more than most people, you didn’t really pay the popular pretty girl much mind.

That was, until you both were grouped together for a partner project. She offered to drive you over to her house after school, which you quietly agreed to.

You two started talking on the way there, and you realized that Liz was actually incredibly intelligent and not at all like the stereotypical popular kid. By the time you reached the Toomes residence, you guys were making horrible math puns.

“Well, we’re here! My mom and dad should be home, but don’t let them scare you. They’re overly affectionate and embarrassing, like every other parent. Come on!”

Liz opened the front door, her mother coming down the stairs with laundry immediately greeting you both. 

“Lizzie! You’re home! And who is this sweetie?” The woman asked her daughter.

“Mom! This is (Y/n). They’re my partner for a class project.”

You slowly raised your hand for a shake. “Hello, Mrs. Toomes. It’s nice to meet you.”

She smiled and shook your hand. “Nice to meet you too, sweetie.”

Suddenly, a voice came from the kitchen. A very familiar voice...

“Honey? Is that Lizzie?” 

Your eyes widened when you saw Liz’s dad come out from the kitchen, bowl of chips in hand.

When the Vulture’s eyes landed on you, he looked like a deer in the headlights for a moment, before shaking it off.

You knew better than to say anything about what you did for a living, and knew that other people in the business had lives outside of arms deals and engineering illegal weapons. You just never thought that Adrian would be Liz’s dad.

You shook your head lightly and stuck out your hand. “Hello Mr. Toomes. I’m (Y/n). Liz and I were partnered for a school project, so I hope you don’t mind my staying here to work on it.”

Adrian lightly smiled and shook your hand firmly. “Good to meet you (Y/n). As long as you two don’t cause any explosions or fires, your welcome to come on in.”

That was the start of an odd but fun relationship with the Toomes family.

Timeskip~

God, you hated superheroes. One minute, you were working with Vultch’s team on a new upgrade to the suit, and the next, you’re hearing of his arrest and trial. You went to the trial to say goodbye to him, holding back the tears. He gave you a warning to run. You promised you would soon.

At school, you hugged Liz goodbye, heartbroken, as she was like a sister to you.

You saw your friend Peter talking to her as she left. You wondered what he said to make her look even sadder.

You packed up what few belongings you had. Adrian had asked you to blow up the warehouse, so that your fingerprints wouldn’t be found. You did as asked via remote from 1/2 mile away.

You took out all the money that you kept underneath a loose floorboard and stuffed it in a backpack, covering the cash with your clothes and personal items.

You bought a ticket for a train heading out of the city, and from there, a bus that was headed towards Florida. You planned to get off in Tennessee so that no one who follow you.

That night, as you waited for the train to come, you heard your name being called. You looked around, the station nearly devoid of other people except one guy with air-pods in and a lady on a phone call

“(Y/n)! (Y/N)! WAIT!” 

You then turned around, seeing Peter running towards you. What the Hell was he doing here?

“Peter, what ar-”

“I know.”

You froze. What?

“What do you mean? What are you talking about Pete?”

“I know you worked with Toomes on creating illegal weapons. I know that you knew who he was.”

You tried acting dumb. “What? Peter, you know me. I w-”

He stared at you with a serious expression that you’d never seen on him.

“You’re right. I do know you. I know you’re a genius with mechanical and electrical engineering. I know you live alone in an apartment that you pay for, which no highschooler could make enough to do, especially if they went to our school, which has a high tuition. You’ve also never talked about your job. I’m not an idiot (Y/n). You have 2 choices, either turn yourself in, or come with me and we can see about putting your skills towards helping others.”

You sighed as you walked towards your friend. “That’s the thing about you Peter. You’ve never been an idiot. I liked that about you. If only you had been just a little less observant.” You said as you heard the train coming

You hugged Peter, making sure you were out of sight from any cameras. He was about to return the gesture, when you stuck a needle into his arm. 

“Wai-”

You whispered, “I’m truly sorry Petey, but I don’t think either of those options is for me. This stuff will wear off in about an hour. I’ll call Ned to come pick you up. I really am sorry, Peter. Goodbye. Maybe someday, we’ll see each other again.”

With that, you slung Peter’s arm over your shoulder, making it look like you were helping a drunk friend. You placed him on a bench before calling Ned, saying Peter passed out from a fight and was at the train station.

You boarded the train with your backpack and sighed as the train slowly started  moving. You looked behind you at Peter’s slumping body on the bench and at the New York City skyline. 

Man were you going to miss this place.

Maybe one day, when it was safe again, you’d be able to come back...

THE END

A/N: Hey! If you made it this far, THANK YOU for reading! 

[popculturebuffet]

Patreon Membership Drive: Turbo Championship Hyper Fighting Edition!

Hello all you happy people! For those wondering “who the hell is this.” I”m Jake Mattingly. I review animation and comics here on this tumblr 5 times a week, and love doing so. I do so by recapping an episode of an animated show or a volume of a comic piece by piece, how detailed depends on the work and how condensed it needs to be, analyzing the episode and sometimes throwing in some jokes because i’m a silly weirdo and tis my nature. 

 So far i’ve been able to scrape by with the help of my patreon’s kev and emma, with Kev suplimenting that iwth various comissions (I.e. paying me to review a specific episode of a show much like someone would comissoin). But I don’t want to place my entire finacial future in the hands of two people so last month I lauched my patreon membership, trying to get people to join my patreon to releive some of the pressure on them. And not a person signed on during the first month. 

But I realize a large part of that is I simply didn’t advertise propertly, not really explaning what it is I do, what they get, or throwing in any extra incentives for signing up apart from “If so many people pledge to my patreon i’ll do X review” Which is still the main thrust of my campaign but I realized I need MORE than that to give you all proper money for your buck, especailly with Tumblr trying to monteize in the most half assed way possible making people presumibly more wary of spending money on me. 

So for this promo i’m going into what it is I review exactly, how to sign up for my patreon and how any of that works, what you get out of it, and various juicy stretch goals i’m hoping ya’ll can help me reach so

WHAT IS IT YOU DO EXACTLY?

As I mentioned above I review animation and comics, more animation than comics. My meat and potatoes are Disney Duck works, primarily the 2017 reboot and the Don Rosa and Carl Barks comics. For the former i’ve done retrospectives on Lena’s arc, the Della storyline from season 2 and ALL the Season 2 storylines, the last one currently in progress. I intend to review the entire series, the lackluster tie in comics, and the this duckburg life podcast, though the last one has some strings attached we’ll get to under my goals.  I”ve also been reviewing various Carl Barks first apperances and most importantly doing a complete retrospective on Don Rosa’s masterwork the Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck. 

I also review certain shows week to week, almost entirely Disney as aside from the True Colors Debacle they have the most reliable schedule and announce release dates farther in advance than Cartoon Network and Nick which just sorta pop up announce things. I covered all of season 3 of Ducktales and season 2 of amphibia (With season 3 coverage coming in october) and i’m currently reviewing Owl House every week till that hiatus hits. 

Finally i’m currently looking at all the Tom Luictor episodes of star vs the forces of evil tracking both Tom’s character arc and the show’s steady decline straight into the dumps. 

Comics wise i’m more sporadic but in addition to duck comics stuff, I’ve also been doing a retrospective on the Scott Pilgrim franchise: all 6 volumes of the comic, those reviews avaliable now and in two weeks from this post, just in time for  the video game and movie anniversaries to finish things up. I recently started another one for the comic book Transformers: More Than Meets the Eye, I intend to finish one I did for New X-Men, and I have a few in my mind’s eye I want to do soon on John Ostrandre’s Suicide Squad run, Justice League International, and Mega Man that i’m going to do pilots for to see if anyone’s interested. 

Finally recently i’ve started doing quick thoughts, quick reviews on recent stuff from trailers to full on movies I don’t have to cover normally. 

So What Is Your Patreon?

Patreon is a site where creators can get paid for work and can put up exclusive content and what not. You pledge anywhere from a dollar a month, and become one of my patrons and help me do this blog for a living. I genuinely love writing about media, analyzing it and making weird jokes, and this lets me do that as my job and my passion. I simply don’t want to put finacing that on the backs of only two people. 

So What’s In It For Me?

Unlike Tumblr itself I feel my supporters deserve to get the most bang for their buck. As such Patreon Membership starts at JUST ONE DOLLAR. That’s right for a dollar a month, 12 bucks a year so the price of a movie, you get access to my occasoinal exclusive reviews, exclusive poles once I get more than two members so that’s actually sensical to do to vote on reviews, and to pick a theatrical short when i review a bunch of them for character birthdays or holidays or just cause. 

In addition to these though i’ve decided to sweeten the pot. ON SIGN UP ANY PATREON OF ANY TIER GETS ONE FREE REVIEW OF ANY SINGLE EPISODE OF TELEVISION OR ISSUE OF A COMIC BOOK. That’s right for just one buck, you get a review of your choice. Whatever you want. You want to force me to watch something you hate so someone else can bitch about it for you? Go on about an episode yo ulove? shine a light on something obscure? Well i’m your man and for ONE BUCK A MONTH, you can get that. Whatever you want put on my schedule as soon as I have room and your payment’s gone through. 

And if you want me to review stuff on a more regular basis, five bucks a month gets you a review a month, same permaiters as above along with said free review. I will PERSONALLY make sure there’s a space on the schedule every month for your patreon review and review whatever you want no matter how good, bad or stuppid. 

But that’s not ALL. 

STRETCH GOALS:

To explain these better than what I did next time: My stretch goals are goals on my patreon: if I hit a certain number of Patreons I will review (Insert Thing Here) And these are meaty projects too: full season reviews, retrospectives and what have you and something’s unlocked with each person who signs up, adjusted from orignally basing it on price. So your dollar a month not only gets you your own review, but also will get my solemn vow to review a bunch of other thigns, and the more people who sign up the more thigns I’ll add to my plate. Not only that but just for this pledge drive i’m adding a bunch of super neat drive exclusvie stretch goals that will VANISH AT THE END OF AUGUST. dosen’t mean I won’t EVER do these reviews, but it does mean i’ll probably sit on them a bit. 

TLDR: You singing up gets me to guarantee to review some extra stuff. 

SO WHAT ARE THE GOALS. 

I”m glad you asked. Each one is based on a person joining, so 

REGULAR PATREON GOALS THAT AREN’T GOING TO EXPIRE BUT ARE STILL PRETTY NEAT:

One goal for each new patreon so

1 New Patreon: Starting off light but still juicy, I will review the complete season one of Amphibia across two posts. I’ve already rewatched the season recently, so all someone has to do is sign up and i’ll get on it in septmeber in time for season 3! And that’s not the only show as i’ll also review BOTH seasons of the birdtastic show after my own heart Tuca and Bertie! 

2 New Patrons: This one’s a big lighter but you still get some neat things: for my scottaholics in the audience I will review the rest of Brian Lee O’Malley’s works so far: Lost at Sea (his first graphic novel) Seconds (his first post scott work) and Snotgirl (his first ongoing and first work he didn’t draw himself), which follow a girl trying to reclaim her soul/cat, an immature restrauntieur who discovers reality changing muschrooms, and an influencer who might of done a murder. For those who don’t really like Scott Pilgrim i’ll review a buch of paramount plus shows first seasons: Kamp Korral, the rugrats rugboot and iCarly. So if any of that sounds good get on the bus won’t you?

3 New Patrons: My juicest one and one that stands alone: I will review the complete first season of the Owl House across two posts. Every episode, every bit of lumity progressoin, every bit of foreshadowing in hindsight, all for you, all if three people join my patron. So if you want more bisexual magic, step up. 

4 New Patrons: Duck Goals Woo-Ooo! This one unlocks a review from Duck Master Carl Barks EVERY MONTH. Not only that I will be taking suggestoins from my patrons , meaning you can help decide which ones I do! And while tha’ts plenty i’m jucing this one up as getting me this far also nets a review of This Duckburg Like, the interquel podcast that’s given us our last ducktales content for what will likely be an eternity. 

5 New Patrons: Gravity Falls Retrospective! I”m not only talking both season of Alex Hirsch’s era defining masterpice, but also the side materials I have acess to: the shorts, Journal #3, and the lost legends tie in comic. I”d throw legend of the gnome gemulets in there two if I had a working 2ds or 3ds bu tas it stands this is what I got. 

6 New Patrons: Avatarverse Retrospective. No not James Cameron the Bravest Pioneer’s movie he wants to turn into a franchise despite NO ONE wanting this please stop James, we’re begging you. Of course i’m talking about Avatar the Last Airbender, the epic franchise that’s blowing up in size. This will include all three books of Avatar: The Last Airbender, All Four Books of the Legend of Korra, and all the juicy side stuff I can cover: the sequel comics for both series, the kioshi novels and the eye gougingly bad M Night Shamlyn Movie. Yes I really will   myself to that. I have not till now i’m happy that way but I will sufer for you. Speaking of suffering:

7 New Patrons: It’s a crapstravaganza!  If i’ve made it this far I clearly have enough fan support that I can fly into the eye of the crapstorm so i’m going to review some of the worst things I can think of:  * Chuck Austen’s X-Men the run that dared to ask the tough questions your coke addleed uncle you don’t let see your kids would like “What if Angel could cure AIDS with his blood and had sex with a minor while her parents watched?” “What if a rouge relgious sect tried to make Nightcrawler pope and then desingrate people with commuiion wafers in a scheme that makes no sense?” and “What if an x-man made a plant horny?”  * America: The comic that has the infamous and oft used by me line to compare it to other bad lines “What in the holy menstration are you doing here”. And it’s still not the most bonkers thing int his somehow 12 ISSUE SERIES tha twastes one of marvels best creations.  * The Prince: Aka that series HBO what farted out onto the service with no intention of renewal after realizing “Holy shit we greenlit this what is wrong with us” which is basically family guy but with the royal family. I’d say it was a somehow worse family guy but Famiily Guy once had an episode that was about 22 minutes of transphobic punchlines so as long as there isn’t an episode of that your good.  * Mordecai is a Bastard Man: Aka that arc of Regular Show that took a ship I really liked, Mordecai and CJ, and then destoryed it with cheating, attempted murder and saxophone.  *Star Vs Final Arc: Aka a look at how a once great show descended into a mess with unfinished plot lines, wasted characters and a finale so terrible it’s only topped by “Kids this is the story of how I really want you to say it’s okay to bang aunt robin” 8 New Patrons: Infinity Train, all four books and any finale movie if it happens. (Please let it happen) All aboard! 9 New Patrons: Two juicy disney retrospectives! The Incredibles (both movies and both comics series) and Darkwing Duck (Both the Boom! and Joe Books runs) Let’s get incredibly dangerous! 10 New Patrons: My highest tier for now and i’ts anothe rdouble feature and two big projects. If you get me this far, you’ve earned em: A She Ra and the Pricesses of Power Retrospective and a Bojack Horseman retrospective. The two greatest things Netflix has made back to back for life. 

And THAT’S NOT ALL... as I said I have some special stretch goals JUST FOR THIS PLEDGE DRIVE. 

SPECIAL DRIVE SPECIFIC GOALS BABY!:

These are a simple five extra projects for hitting the goals within the rest of the drive FROM AUGUST 1ST TO AUGUST 31ST. I will not add these to the regular goals for a full year if you do not reach them, so one buck helps you unlock projects that otherwise might not happen for YEARS. Like the other goals their measured by patrons but ONLY for this month sooooo

1 New Patron: Quack Pack series review! the most hated Disney Afternoon show in one big two part review. God help me. 2 New Patrons: Rise of the TMNT Retrospective: Both seasons, a movie and regular coverage on the offchance a third season hopefully gets greenlit.  3 New Patrons: Peanuts and Garfield Specials retrospective!: Retrospectives for the technicolor years long world of Peanuts specials and the shorte rlived but still neat garfield specails. All the specials plus all the animated movies for both!  4 New Patrons: Craig of the Creek-AThon: Rewatching season one and watching BOTH seasons i’ve missed since then with full reviews as well as reviews of each bomb of episodes as their released on teh app from here on out!  5 New Patrons: Steven Universe Retrospective! All 5 seasons, The Movie, Future, the comics, graphic novels and games. EVERY. THING. 

So if ANY of this sounds enticing 

STOP BY MY PATREON RIGHT HERE IN THIS LINK, SIGN UP TODAY, HELP ME GET PAID DOING WHAT I LOVE AND GET REVIEWS FOR EVERYBODY. YOU WON’T REGRET IT AND YOU’LL BE MAKING MY LIFE BETTER. 

And even if you can’t support it feedback on the goals, reblogs to get the word out and general words of encouragment are appricated so join me as I try to get at least one extra dollar a month in the span of this month. PITTER PATTER, let’s get at er!

[yeojaa]

didn’t know me.

pairing.  jhs x reader.  rating.  general!  we are family friendly.  tags.  this is just... cute.  there’s a bit of swearing, teasing, mentions of beer, etc. but nothing bad.  wc.  2k.  beta reader.  my beloved @hobi-gif​ and my wofe @periminkle​!  💖

You’ve always been one to take the things you want, pursuing them with a ferocity your mother calls intense.  You have no qualms about decorum or bashfulness.  To you, if you’re not the first - you’re the last. 

You’d done it all your life.  First, in kindergarten, when you’d taken the orange blocks because they were your favourite colour.  Then, in high school when you’d tried out for three varsity teams and made it onto all of them.  More recently, at work, where you’d demanded (read:  gently requested) a raise after you’d consistently been covering for your less-than-reliable manager. 

If you wanted something, you went for it.  There was seldom anything that could stop you - including your soft-spoken best friend. 

“I’m gonna do it.” 

It being asking the cute guy waiting in line for his number.  It being embarrassing your poor best friend who’s got her face hidden behind your shoulder, soft blonde bangs brushing your cheek as she shakes her head in a poor attempt to deter you. 

“Don’t make it weird,”  she whispers into the collar of your coat, denim rough against your neck. 

“You’re the one making it weird!”  The hiss is quiet, gentle.  More coaxing than reprimand or displeasure.  This is a usual occurrence for the two of you. 

Whereas you were relentless, unrepentant - rays of sunlight on the hottest day of summer - she was the softest breeze, barely a ruffle of leaves.  You complemented and completed each other and had for the better part of your lives.  Exactly why you’d opted to take this trip with her and only her;  she was the one person who didn’t drive you absolutely insane after a certain number of days together.  She filled all the empty spaces of your puzzle, rather than smothered you with her own shape. 

Still, you sometimes had disagreements.  Now was one of those times. 

“What if he doesn’t speak English?”  

She’s being far too realistic, of course, in her patented Ivy way.  You have to admit - she has a point.  The likelihood of this random stranger even understanding you is slim but you figure it doesn’t hurt to ask.  When in Rome Okinawa, right? 

“Then I’ll use Google translate,”  you retort around a mouthful of laughter, the sound buzzing around your teeth.  You’d think they’d stung her by how Ivy recoils, grimacing at you in the same instance you advance a step.  “Wish me luck!”

She doesn’t.  You don’t care.  

A hand reaches out, two fingers poised. 

And then he - the cute fellow customer with jet black hair and expensive sneakers on - faces you, but not because you’ve spoken.  He turns because his companion has caught his attention, jerking his platinum blond head toward you.  At least, you think it’s blond.  You really can’t tell with how his bucket hat is pulled so low over his ears, the bottom half of his face obscured by a plain black mask. 

The words die on your tongue, suddenly stolen by the sheer beauty of cute guy’s face.  He’s disarmingly handsome, with high cheekbones and a perfectly upturned nose.  His mouth splits - heart-shaped around bright white teeth - and you can’t help the little tumble your heart takes when he smiles.  It brushes itself off before falling all over again, nearly launching itself out of your chest and at his feet. 

“Hi?”  There’s something lyrical about his voice, like summertime and riding in the car with the windows down.  It’s also accented - peculiar in a way that’s strangely familiar.  You can’t quite place it. 

“Hi!”  You all but chirp, probably with the dumbest look on your face.  You hope your smile offsets it.  “Could I have your number?” 

Sunshine - because that’s his nickname for now and it feels terribly fitting - blinks at you, head tilting in a way you can only describe as adorable. 

“My number?”  It’s an echo, in less of a what the fuck way and more of a did-I-hear-you-right way. 

You nod once, twice, a hopeful laugh rolling off your tongue.  It slots into the spaces between you and settles, strangely nervous.  You’re not used to the anxiety that’s thrumming through your veins and causing a ruckus in your ears. 

There’s just something about him. 

“Yeah, your number?”  As if to illustrate your point better, you raise your phone and wave it about, tapping against the back of your fluorescent pink case.  “To text you?”

Realisation dawns, passing in pretty rays over his face.  “Oh!”  For a moment, he seems ready to give it, every inch of his expression wide open. 

Then, all at once, it falls - blinds dropping across a window.  He seems deep in thought, his gaze jumping to the blond that’s now made himself comfortable at a table a few feet away, back hunched and attention focused solely on the screen of his Samsung.  Your stare follows, traipsing the narrow ridge of the other’s shoulders before swivelling back to the ball of light before you.  

God, you can’t get over how good looking he is.  It’s almost hard to look at him, yet somehow harder to look away. 

“You want… my number?”  

“If that’s okay,”  you murmur, with your most disarming smile.  You know it’s a solid effort - you’ve won parents and bosses over with it.  Three years of braces had done you good.

He’s seemingly stuck, torn between giving into the strange girl in front of him and something else you have no idea about.  You can practically feel Ivy burning a hole into the back of your skull with each moment that passes.  She’s definitely going to hold this against you for at least an hour. 

“I can have yours?”  A sleek iPhone - no case, to your horror - is fished out of his pocket and offered to you.  You can’t help but admire his hands, the way his knuckles wrap around the slim device.  “I’ll take your, um, number?” 

It’s not what you’d expected.  Truthfully, a part of you wonders whether this means he’ll take it and never use it.  You hope not.  

“Sure,” you agree readily, nodding with a delight that feels a little much for a chance meeting in a random mochi donut shop.  You try not to dwell on it as you enter your contact details, passing the phone back over with two hands. “Don’t forget to use it!”  It’s meant to be flirtatious, friendly without being too forward.  You’re unsure if it’s lost on him.  You think it might be by how he beams at you, offering nothing in return. 

“Gaja.”  

The interruption breaks the stillness between you, spoken so quietly you almost miss it.  It comes low and swift from the blond that’s joined Sunshine’s side, stealing his attention from you.  You try to hide your disappointment, though it’s quickly replaced by wide-eyed wonder. 

You don’t mean to stare - you probably look like a fish out of water - but realisation brings with it unflattering expressions.  It’s a simple fact of life.  

“Kamsahamnida.”  Your Korean is rusty - clearly without practice and uncomfortable on your tongue. For not the first time, you wish you’d been more receptive to your parents’ insistence that you learn.  

Surprise flips across Sunshine’s face, thrusting his eyebrows to disappear behind his fringe.  Then he grins, so big and unreserved that it really is blinding - like staring directly into the sky on a day without clouds.  He looks on the edge of speaking - as if all the words are balanced right behind his teeth, ready to spill out with the same abandon as his joy - before Blondie repeats himself, this time with more urgency.

You’re holding them up.  Oh god. 

With a swiftness usually reserved for the volleyball court, you sidestep, nearly knocking a lurking best friend over in your haste.  Your head is bowed - a decidedly strange gesture for you - and you glance up through a curtain of swept bangs and thick lashes.  “Mianhaeyo.”  You want to say more but you’re fumbling, trying to find the words you’ve never taken the time to properly study.  “I… um...”  

There’s a hand in yours, squeezing in reassurance. Or maybe frustration.  It isn’t always easy to tell with Ivy.

“It was nice to meet you” is what you settle on. 

“You too,”  Sunshine returns, far too kindly, with that same brilliant smile that has your jaw aching with the intensity of your own.  He’s all but ushered out the door, though he turns at the last minute to wave - a sweet thing that makes you laugh.  “I will call!”

Waiting isn’t something you do well.  As evidenced by your go-getter attitude, your patience tends to run thin.  You want things and you want them now - but it seems that isn’t in your cards.  Shit hand, you think.

So you sit and you wait and well, you’re not really sitting and waiting.  You’re still living your life and enjoying your vacation.  You’ve been to the beach - there’s a neat underground tower Ivy had dragged you to that had you gaping at the fish swimming by at eye level - and you’ve had probably too much taco rice than is strictly speaking necessary.

But you haven’t been able to get him out of your head and it’s driving you more than a little crazy on the third day that you haven’t heard from him.

“Are you listening to me?”  It’s Ivy, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed with two intricately woven bracelets held aloft.  They’re both pretty and hardly discernible in their differences.  One’s blue and the other is… a slightly darker shade of blue?

“Huh?”  Your thoughts are a million miles away, focused solely on the memory of a certain Sunshine boy.  

“Which one!”  She’s exasperated, flailing her wrists just enough that one trinket whacks you right between the eyes.  Okay, so you deserved that.

You’re rubbing at the red mark, turning away in the same instant you speak.  “That one.”  

“That one?” 

“The one on the right!”

She grumbles something that sounds awfully like I hate you but you’re too busy checking your phone to really call her on it.  No new messages, save for the three group chats you’re in that absolutely refuse to shut up.  You don’t count those.

“A watched pot never boils,”  she hums from somewhere behind you, before lapsing into stilted Japanese with the kindly old woman behind the counter. 

You know she’s right but that doesn’t change a thing.  You check your phone twelve more times between exiting the small jewellery shop and stepping into the karaoke bar.  It’s not really that often, you tell yourself.  Most millennials sit on their phones for hours!  You’re a step above, truly.

Until Airi’s husband is grilling you, poking fun at the fact that you can’t seem to tear yourself away from the device in your hands.

“Don’t forget you’re out,”  he teases around the rim of his beer, arm slung comfortably across his wife’s shoulders.  “Live in the moment, y’know?”  

If you weren’t so close - if they weren’t hosting you at their apartment for this leg of your trip - you’d probably ignore him.  As it stands, he’s like an annoying older brother and receives a swift kick to his shin.  You grin just as he grimaces, nearly spilling his glass of Sapporo all over his front.

“Hey— you brat!”

“Takes one to know one,”  you retort, tongue out and mischief wrapped into every syllable.  “Don’t know how you’re married.  Didn’t think kids were allowed to.”  

Across from you, Airi stifles a snicker and the rest of your group breaks into laughter.  You’re in the middle of throwing middle fingers at Sunny when a hand clasps your forearm with an aggression you can’t ignore. 

Ivy’s staring at you with eyes the size of saucers, mouth curled into a perfectly shaped ‘O’.  A part of you wants to shove a limp fry into it - until you follow the line of her arm, the length of her finger. 

Because on the screen - serenading your ragtag group of friends in the terrible voice of Airi’s little brother - is cute-guy-from-donuts.  Sunshine. 

What the hell?

tag list.  @neverthefirstchoice​​​​ @youwannabelostandnotbefound​​​​

[spaceskam]

Him. (the werewolf au)

warning: mild sexual content, guns, hunting, daddy issues

ao3

Alex Manes did not get along with other human beings. It was a simple fact.

He'd known he was different from a very young age because of this one little fact. It meant he got in fights at school. It meant he didn't listen. It meant he was deliberately rude. He didn't mean to come off so horrible, but he learned it was the only way to get people to leave him alone. If he was an asshole and perceived dangerous, they’d leave him alone.

Another one of those little things he did as a kid to make him unapproachable was spend his free time in the woods, usually with his grandmother who lived in a cabin deep in the trees. While normally, in any other place, that wouldn’t be a problem. Maybe that’d make him a person to bully, but here it just made him that much more of an obvious outcast that people didn’t even want to associate with negatively.

According to the hunters' legend, the wolves that populated the woods outside of Roswell weren’t quite... normal. They were larger than normal, more violent, more deadly. They were the wolves, yes, but also not. Whispers were spread from generation to generation about how everyone should be wary of people they didn’t know well enough; you never knew who wasn’t quite who they claimed to be. Alex thought it was funny to play right into that idea.

His grandmother, before she’d died, had been the only sane one. She’d learned to fend for herself, growing her own food and hunting deer and using every part of the animal to avoid going into town. She was completely self sufficient where she lived in the middle of the woods and not once had she ever had a negative encounter with those supposedly vicious wolves. She was more reliable than the hunters and their tall tales, Alex deduced, and had been living in her old cabin since he was 16.

It wasn’t that easy, though. His father was still the leader of the group of hunters that ran the town and made it their mission to go out into the woods once a month and try to kill one of those wolves. They usually succeeded. It was a carnal, horrific act that was meant to be applauded, parading these dead animals around after they’d killed them and insisting that they were in some way human and not caring. Alex hated it.

And yet he was still a Manes man. His brothers still came to him for deer meat and kept him up to date on town gossip. His father still stopped by and made it clear that people spoke negatively about him and that he should join the hunt. After all, he was skilled gunman, he’d be good at it. But Alex denied.

On the few occasions that he did go into town–whether it be for things like soap or just simply a man to warm his bed for the night–people stared. The Manes boy who went wrong, the Manes boy who was one of them, the Manes boy who had somehow made it to the age of 26 without caving under his father’s iron rule. He’d be lying if he said that didn’t make him feel powerful.

“Don’t you get lonely?” Forrest asked. He was nice and he was cute and he didn’t judge Alex, always being open to make the drive into the woods for a lengthy fuck in front of the fire. Alex wouldn’t even mind seeing him more than once every two weeks if he didn’t do things like ask that.

“No,” Alex said, shaking his head. He was in Forrest’s lap, both of them bare and comfortable being that way. Another benefit of living in the woods was that, as long as the hunt wasn’t happening, there was a very slim chance anyone would stop by without a warning. They could do whatever they wanted.

“I would,” he admitted, “If I lived out here, I would.”

“Good thing you don’t live out here then,” Alex said. Forrest wrinkled up his nose before giving a playful laugh, reaching a hand up to comb Alex’s long hair behind his ear. He couldn’t actually remember the last time he cut it, but it didn’t matter because it pissed off his dad and for that reason alone he would never cut it again.

“You ever think about moving back into town?” he wondered, craning his neck as Alex moved down to kiss his neck. He slowly kissed his way to his ear, taking it between his teeth gently.

“I’d rather put my dick in a blender,” Alex said as seductively as he could. He felt Forrest physically recoil at the thought, a groan coming from him as he leaned away. Alex smiled.

“Why do you say shit like that? Jesus,” Forrest breathed, shaking his head. Alex just grinned at him until he grinned right back. “I hate you.”

“Yeah, I believe that so much,” Alex said sarcastically, rolling his hips forward to get a little bit of a reaction from him. It worked far too easily. “Round two?”

“You expect me to say no to that?”

“No, I really don’t.”

Forrest left around two in the morning, needing a little coercion to make him realize staying over night wasn’t an option. Telling him he planned to be up early to do yoga didn’t work, but telling him he’d be forcing him to wake up at 5AM to join if he didn’t leave definitely did.

He didn’t really understand Forrest’s desire to be around him. Sure, he was probably the only person Alex had found since his grandmother that he could tolerate for more than thirty minutes, but that didn’t mean he wanted him around always. He liked space, he liked being alone. His brothers asked often when he would settle down and Forrest occasionally liked to see if he wanted something more, but apparently ‘I don’t want to’ wasn’t a valid answer. Apparently, it wasn’t right to enjoy being on your own.

Sometimes, on days that weren’t great, he’d consider it, though. He felt like this now, yes, but would he always? Wouldn’t he want someone eventually? And, when that time came, wouldn’t it be nice to have Forrest around, someone who he already knew he could tolerate? But then he remembered that’s just what society told him to feel.

If he found someone worth altering his life for, it wouldn’t be a question. He’d know it.

Bright and early the next morning, Gregory Manes, the middle Manes boy, showed up at the door with iced coffee. He was the least pushy of Alex’s brothers and was the only one who, while still going hunting every month, hadn’t killed any wolves. That was the only reason Alex tolerated his early morning visits.

“Wasn’t Flint supposed to come?” Alex asked, sipping the coffee as he led the way to the side door. It entered straight into the not-quite-outside room that Alex used to do all the fun stuff like skinning and packaging.

“Yeah, but I wanted to come talk to you,” Greg said. Alex raised an eyebrow as he opened the freezer, desensitized to the smell of blood and meat that filled the room as he continued to drink his coffee while simultaneously pulling out package deer meat to put in a bag. For a town full of hunters, they never seemed to be able to get any deer of their own.

“Why?”

“You need to steer clear of that Long boy. Or at least tell him to stop acting like you two are an item,” Greg said. Alex furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Since when had he ever taken being told what to do well? “I’m not judging you or trying to tell you what to do. I’m just saying he’s starting to outcast himself by association and he seems too nice to suffer like that.”

“He shouldn’t be telling anyone that we’re together anyway,” Alex said, slamming the freezer door shut, “We aren’t and he knows that.”

“Okay, well make sure he knows that. Mrs. Sibley, the lady who runs the coffee shop, refused him service this morning and I have to assume it’s because word is getting around that you two are together.”

That took Alex off guard as he looked at him with wide eyes. Even he had never been refused service. Maybe that was the fear, but still. 

“Seriously? Jesus, why do any of you stay in that town?”

“It’s not that easy to just get out.”

“For him it would be. He’s smart and friendly, he’d be able to get out easily,” Alex explained. Greg sighed.

“I don’t know, that’s not my call to make. All I’m sayin’ is he’s gonna suffer if something doesn’t change,” he said. Alex nodded and decided to be nice about it. He knew Forrest wouldn’t listen to him if he told him to stop, but it wouldn’t hurt Alex to distance himself from him for his own good. He didn’t need him like that.

“Okay.”

“Also,” Greg sighed, “I need you to drive into town later and pick up Isobel from work because I have to get ready for the hunt tonight.”

Alex froze and looked over at him, carefully pulling the coffee away from his lips. Greg was giving him that pleading little smile and Alex hated him for it. This is why he didn’t socialize. They did shit like this.

“So this is a bribery coffee?” he asked. Greg rolled his eyes.

“Please? Your the only guy that I trust around her anyway.”

“Then maybe get her to ask one of her friends? You know, women so she doesn’t have to be picked up from work by some guy she’s met once?” Alex explained. 

Greg gave him that look like he should know that wasn’t an option. Which, granted, it sort of wasn’t. All the women in the town usually got together on the night of the hunt to cook for all the men when they got back. It was all very sexist if Alex was concerned. But, still, Isobel already got judged because she wasn’t from around there. If she asked someone to go out of their way on the night of the hunt, it could make it worse.

“Fine,” he groaned, “But you owe me. That’s like a two hour round trip just to pick up your girlfriend.”

“I’ll pay for your gas and I’ll make sure dad doesn’t come around here for three months,” Greg offered. Alex eyed him.

“Deal.”

-

Alex spent his day compiling fire wood, checking his garden, and making sure the fence around his cabin was secure. His one rule was that, during hunts, if any of the fuckers even tried to enter or shoot around his property, he’d shoot them. They listened, but you could never be too cautious.

He combed and braided his hair before he left, even bothering to get dressed in something that wasn’t dirty. As much as he didn’t care to impress anyone, he also wasn’t too keen on alienating a girl who was already alienated enough. 

She was quiet when he picked her up from her work, saying her thanks and nothing more. He dropped her off and immediately started heading back home. The sun was starting to go down and he knew that as soon as it go dark, idiots would be in the woods. He was trying to avoid getting his tires blown by boys who got spooked by every little sound and mistook his truck for a wolf.

He was none too lucky though, navigating that dirt road that he specifically carved out for his truck as the siren rang throughout the town to signify the beginning of the hunt. He rolled his eyes and kept an eye out for people that were in the woods hunting, not really eager to hit anyone despite the fact that he could hear just how gun crazy they were. 

But then something dark was laying in the middle of the path. Alex slowed to a stop and turned on his brights. He felt all the air leave his lungs as he realized it was a wolf. Big as ever, but not in pieces every other time he’d seen one. Instead, this one was wounded and looking in the lights with scared eyes. 

Against all better judgement, Alex climbed out of his truck and slowly started walking towards it. It was hurt, but it wasn’t dead. Maybe he could help and then he could feel just a little bit better knowing he wasn’t as bad as the rest of his family.

“It’s okay,” he said softly, as he neared the animal. It’s fur was thick and a dark brown, eyes almost too human as they stared him down His stomach swooped in fear, but kept his hands where the animal could see and took slow steps. “I’m not gonna hurt you. I just wanna help, okay?”

The wolf whined, but didn’t bark or growl. Alex tried to remember all the tales of how vicious these creatures were and wondered if maybe, just maybe, they were only vicious because they were treated with venom first.

“Let’s see where you’re hurt, okay?” Alex cooed as he got close, crouching slowly. He held eye contact and slowly reached to pet the wolf’s head, promising that he wasn’t a threat. It didn’t bite his hand off, so that was a plus.

It only took a few seconds to see that there was a bullet graze in it’s front leg which was probably why it was in the middle of a path instead of hiding somewhere. However, it looked like something he could feasibly patch up. Alex frowned as he tried to figure out how the hell he was going to get the animal back to his cabin. Sure, he was strong, but strong enough to pick up a whole ass wolf?

A gunshot rang through the air and the wolf startled, whining and fearful. Alex had never felt so much compassion for anything in his entire life. Never had he ever felt as bad for a human as he did for this wolf. Which is probably what led him to deciding to carry it.

“Give me one second, okay? I’m gonna help. If you wanna bite my arm off, that’s cool too,” Alex said before running back to his truck. He dropped the tailgate and grabbed a blanket from the back seat before heading back to the wolf. “I got you.”

He laid out the blanket as fast as he could and, will a lot of struggling, he managed to get the wolf on it. He didn’t question why it was trusting him so much, he just went with it. His grandmother did always say he had an open soul. He always thought that was bullshit, but maybe he was just open to a different species.

He dragged the blanket with the wolf on it all the way to the back of the truck and winced when another shot echoed through the air. Alex said a few cursed under his breath before looking down at the wolf that was staring up at him, putting it’s life in his hands so willingly.

“This is probably gonna hurt, okay? I’m sorry,” he warned.

Alex gathered the ends of the blanket and wrapped them around his hands, trying to think of it as picking up a heavy log instead of a living being as he lifted it and tried to throw it in the back of the truck as gently as possible. That didn’t stop the pained yap the wolf made when it hit the bed of the truck and Alex instantly gave it another pet.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “Stay put, okay? It’s gonna be okay.”

He closed the tailgate and quickly got back into his truck, driving the rest of the way feeling like he had stepped into a different side of reality. This is why he didn’t go out during hunts. Now he had a stupid wolf to take care of.

When he got to his cabin, he moved fast to get the wolf from the bed of the truck and inside. It’d be safe there as long as no one actually saw him taking it in there. Alex had zero faith in his father to respect his privacy if there was a wolf involved.

“Alright, it’s okay,” Alex cooed, repeating himself over and over as he carefully got the wolf onto the ground. It was a lot easier to do that than it’d been to lift it, so that he was thankful for. 

He dragged the wolf on the blanket all the way through the front door and locked it behind him, letting out a huff of relief. He stood there for a moment to catch his breath as the wolf stared up at him, 

“You trust me, right?” Alex asked rhetorically, but the wolf rolled onto his side and gave him unbridled access to tend to the wound on his leg. Alex tilted his head to the side. “Oh, you really trust me. Guess I gotta make it worth your while, huh? Gimme one second.”

Alex flicked on the lights in the kitchen, not giving a shit if it obscured the men hunting. He was the one that rigged up the generator and he was going to use it regardless. He started searching for his first aid kit, a rag, and then got two separate bowls to fill with water (well water, he couldn’t take credit for that, that was his grandmother’s doing). 

He brought everything back to the wolf and sat on the ground beside him, opening the first aid kid.

“Here’s water if you need it,” Alex said, putting one of the bowls by the wolf’s head, “This might hurt a little... I say to an animal who literally can’t understand me.”

The wolf a soft huff of acknowledgement, ears flicking. Alex smiled and shook his head, scooting a little closer. He tried to be gentle as he looked at the wolf’s bleeding leg, dipping the rag into the other bowl of water to use to wipe it clean.

“It’s just a graze,” he murmured in confirmation, “Took a chunk of flesh, but I think it’s superficial. You’ll be okay.”

Still, he got a little gauze pad and wet it with hydrogen peroxide before cleaning it with that. The wolf let out another whine and Alex gave mindless words of encouragement, trying to move as quickly as possible. After that, he got neosporin and dabbed that over it as well before wrapping it up. He hoped it would be enough. He decided he’d just keep a close eye on it to make sure he would be okay. 

“You can stay here until you feel better,” Alex promised, petting the wolf’s stomach gently. He watched him lap up a bit of water before laying his head back down. “You look tired.”

Tired sounded nicer than in pain because surely that’s what he really felt. Nonetheless, Alex pet him a few more times before getting up to put the first aid kid away and discard the bloody rag and bloody water bowl.

The wolf stayed right there by the entrance of the kitchen on the blanket, watching Alex as he got up to make some semblance of dinner. He hummed to himself and to the wolf as gunshots continued. He didn’t want him to be scared.

He made himself deer sausage and a potato, keeping it plain and simple. On another plate, he put a slab or raw deer meat and went back to sitting on the floor.

“I don’t know if you’re hungry, but here,” Alex said as he placed the plate beside him. The wolf eyed him, but Alex kept to himself as he ate his own food. It seemed to be enough and he eventually started taking small, delicate bites. Alex grinned. “Not very wolf-like.”

The wolf gave a superficial growl and Alex smiled even wider.

They ate in silence for the most part, gunshots dying down as it got darker. Usually, by 10, the wolves were either in hiding or dead and the men retreated back into town. Alex stayed with his wolf until the siren signified the hunt was over at 11PM. 

“Okay, well, I’m gonna go get ready for bed,” Alex told him after cleaning their dishes and double checking the lock on the door, “I’ll leave your water there.”

Alex headed into his room after that, grabbing a pair of sweats, an old sweater, and fresh boxers before he stripped down. He could take a shower in the morning. 

Right as he dropped his pants to the ground, he heard uneven tapping against the wood floors. He looked over his shoulder to see the wolf in all his wounded glory limping his way to be near him.

“Excuse you,” Alex said, feigning modesty. The wolf just gave another soft whine and Alex shook his head with a laugh, pulling on his clean clothes. When he looked back again, the wolf had gotten onto the left side of his bed. “Oh, so now you can walk and jump? You really did just want me to carry you.” Another whine. “Kidding.”

Alex climbed into bed, careful to be mindful of his wounded bed partner. He wasn’t actually used to sharing a bed to actually sleep, but this felt like a valid exception to the rule. He pet the wolf beside him a few times and scratched behind his ear.

“Goodnight.”

-

The next few days went by with ease.

They’d get up early, eat breakfast, tend to the garden, eat lunch, hunt deer, get firewood, eat dinner, go to sleep, repeat. The wolf followed Alex around as much as he could and he got stronger each day. By the third day, he wasn’t even limping anymore.

“I have never seen something heal this fast,” Alex marveled as he cleaned up the wound that was now just a scratch after dinner, “That’s insane.”

He stood once he was done and headed into the kitchen to wash his hands again. It was strange. This was the first time since his grandmother died that he didn’t get annoyed by the constant companionship. Hell, even when she was around, he’d go get lost in the woods for a few hours to be in his own mind. But there was something comforting about having another being that didn’t talk back. There was no annoyance about him, just a presence to remind him that he wasn’t completely alone.

Alex was halfway through putting his hair in a bun when someone knocked on the door. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and the wolf stood in attention. No one had told him they were stopping by.

Still, he made his way to the door with the wolf hot on his heels.

“Go,” he whispered to him, shooing him away, “Go in there.”

It took a few seconds of staring him down, but eventually the wolf went into the living room. Alex closed his eyes and let out a heavy breath, hoping that Greg had kept his word and it wasn’t his father. If his dad found out he was harboring a wolf, well, they had bigger problems.

Alex opened the door and saw Forrest, the man smiling hesitantly.

“Um, hey,” Alex said, “What are you doing here?”

“You didn’t return any of my texts,” he said, “I was kinda worried.”

“You shouldn’t be, you know I don’t look at that thing,” Alex said. Forrest nodded, looking around as if trying to find a reason to stay. “Look, my brother told me about people acting rude towards you because of me. I think it’s best if we stopped.”

Forrest looked taken aback. “They’re rude because I’m gay.”

Alex gave a small smile and shook his head. “No. Well, maybe a little, but Mrs. Sibley wouldn’t refuse service to someone because they’re gay. Not saying she’s the most welcoming person in the world, but she takes her money very seriously. It’s because you’ve mentioned me to people.”

He bowed his head for a moment, thinking about it. Alex expected him to leave, but instead he just looked back up at him and shrugged.

“Fuck ‘em.”

“No,” Alex said, “No, I’m not about to be responsible for you.”

“Then I’ll say we broke up.”

“We aren’t dating.”

“Yeah, but clearly they think we are,” Forrest said, shaking his head, “Look, I don’t give a shit what we are. You’re the only guy in this town that is both not straight and not conformed to this town’s bullshit agenda. Can’t I fuck at least one person that isn’t a Republican?”

Alex snorted a laugh and felt himself caving. He did like having Forrest at his beck and call for the same reason that Forrest clearly liked having him. They were two of the only sane people.

“Fine,” Alex said, looking him up and down, “But you still came back here awfully soon.”

“What can I say? The hunt always makes me hate everyone around there a little more,” Forrest explain. Alex took that as a perfectly valid answer.

He pulled Forrest into his house and into a kiss, slamming the door behind him. Forrest grinned easily, wrapping his arms around his torso and pulling him in tight. Alex could feel how toned he was through his shirt which, honestly, he loved. Alex did yoga and lifted heavy shit, but he wasn’t all sculpted with abs and stuff. Forrest, on the other hand, was.

Their make-out was interrupted by a loud bark. Forrest nearly jumped out of his skin and Alex instantly looked over his shoulder to where the wolf was all but glaring at them.

He was growling low as he slowly stalked forward. Alex couldn’t be fucked to find it intimidating.

“Really? Relax,” Alex told the wolf. He just growled right back. Forrest hid behind him shamelessly.

“Since when did you get a fucking dog?” he asked. Alex didn’t really have an answer, so he just shrugged and then walked closer. He knelt down in front of the wolf despite his anger and looked him in his all too human eyes.

“Go to bed,” he said. The wolf’s angry demeanor dropped in favor of something close to a pout, a mournful whine coming from him. “Go.”

He slowly walked away, head bowed and tail all but tucked between his legs. Alex huffed and stood back up, turning to Forrest who seemed very confused still.

“What the hell was that?” he asked. Alex just shrugged and walked closer. He didn’t want to explain himself and he wasn’t about to. Forrest didn’t question him as he pulled him back into a kiss and started pulling him to the couch.

Alex tried, he really did, but it was hard to enjoy having sex when there was a wolf dramatically walking through the house and whining for attention. They got as far as Alex being shirtless and on his back on the couch and Forrest kissing down his chest to go down on him when they had to stop because the fucking wolf was just watching them like a disappointed parent who whined louder and louder by the second.

“Go to bed!” Alex told him. He just laid down on the floor right there as if that’s what Alex meant. “Oh my God,” he groaned, throwing his head back. Forrest chuckled against his stomach before sitting up.

“This is what you get for getting a dog.”

“Well, if I knew getting cock-blocked was a side effect of a pet, then I’d never have signed up.”

Forrest gave a small laugh and they both sat up, accepting that there was no way to continue without feeling awkward as hell. The wolf seemed awfully proud of himself.

“Why did you get a dog, anyway? I thought you said you weren’t lonely,” Forrest said.

“I’m not. And I didn’t really want him. I found him and he was hurt, so I’m letting him stay until he’s healed,” Alex explained. Forrest gave a teasing smile.

“You helped something in need? Aw, who knew you had it in you.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Alex laughed, reclining back against the couch, “I guess you can go now since we’re clearly not allowed to do anything.”

“Seriously?” Forrest asked. Alex just raised an eyebrow. He sighed, but clearly wasn’t too shocked. He probably would’ve been more shocked if Alex actually condoned in letting him stick around if they weren’t going to hook up. “Alright then.”

Alex walked him back to the door and they shared a kiss before Alex locked up after him. He glared at the wolf when he walked back into the living room, shaking his head.

“Can’t believe I’m just letting you tell me what to do in my own home,” Alex scolded as he dropped back on the couch. The wolf got up and came over, jumping up onto the couch and licked at his face. Alex tried to lean away, but the slobbery kisses kept on. “Haha, very funny.”

The licks stopped, but the wolf laid heavily on him. Alex just accepted it and relaxed into the couch, stroking his soft fur. Was it bad if he didn’t mind this over sleeping with Forrest? 

“Lets go to bed, I guess,” Alex sighed eventually, giving him one last scratch before they both got down from the couch.

It felt standard now to walk to his bedroom and change and get comfortable in bed with a huge ass wolf. He’d only been doing it for a few nights and yet it was like he couldn’t remember not being this way. He was almost sad at the prospect of sleeping alone again.

“You’re almost all healed,” Alex whispered into the darkness but he trusted the wolf understood every word. He stared at him with conviction like he always did and Alex no longer assumed he didn’t hear him. He did. “Are you gonna run off tomorrow?”

The wolf blinked once and then shifted closer, nudging his nose against Alex’s chin and laying his head on his chest. Alex huffed a laugh and shamelessly buried his face in his fur. 

“I’ll take that as I’ll at least see you around.”

-

Alex woke up the next morning, not to fur, but to skin.

When he opened his eyes, he was face to face with a man. Alex immediately jumped up and scrambled out of bed, his heart thudding in his chest. The man in his bed sat up, unabashedly naked as he sat criss-cross and blinked up at Alex. He tilted his head to the side in that distinctly animalistic way that made Alex’s heart stop.

“What the fuck?” Alex asked, raking his hands through his hair as he tried to make sense of this, “What the fuck?”

“I’m all healed now, see?” the man said, pointing to the faintest little scar on his arm. Alex’s mouth went dry at the confirmation. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck.

“I-what? Oh my God, cover up, I can’t fucking think,” Alex said and the man just smiled at him, doing as he said. He had curly hair that almost reached his shoulders and stubble dotting his cheeks along with a hairy chest. His shoulders were broad and so was his smile, his skin tan in a way that complimented his muscles. He was hot. But he wasn’t fucking human. “I’m so confused.”

“Why?” he asked. Alex scoffed, eyes nearly bulging out of his head.

“What do you mean why? I went to sleep with a wolf in my bed and woke up to a fucking man,” Alex pointed out. He blinked innocently, those eyes identical to the ones he’d seen in the wolf. It was only more confirmation.

“You like men.”

“And I liked your smartass comments better when I couldn’t hear them,” he said. Again he just blinked and tilted his head. Alex rubbed his hands over his face. “I just... I know the legend, but... really? Is this really a thing? What the fuck?”

“I... I don’t know what you want me to say,” he said. Alex took a deep breath, trying to focus on his thoughts so he could ask the right questions. When he did, though, they came out all at once.

“How do you speak English so well? Why did you wait so long to show me that you’re human? Why did you show me at all? Are you human? What’s your name? How old are you? What the fuck?” Alex rambled. The not-wolf stared at him with wide, overwhelmed eyes. “Fuck.”

“I... I...” he stuttered out, furrowing his eyebrows, “You usually say less words.”

“Yeah, well, I usually don’t get confirmation of fucking mythical creatures,” Alex snapped. The not-wolf’s face slowly got more and more concerned, not longer any trace of that big smile. In fact, he looked scared. Alex sighed and rubbed his hands over his face again. He’d told that wolf four days ago that he was safe here and he meant it. Even if that meant he had just quickly adjust to this. “I’m sorry for freaking out. Look, just... I’ll lend you some clothes and then you can explain everything to me while we make breakfast. Okay?”

“Okay,” he agreed, nodding his head as he stood to his feet with complete disregard of his nudity. He stumbled a little as he did so, catching himself on the wall and laughing a little. “These feet are weird.”

“Yeah,” Alex breathed, looking away and hoping he had clothes that would fit him. He picked out the baggiest sweater and baggiest pair of sweats he owned, turning to give the pair to him. He took them with welcome hands.

Alex watched as he fumbled with them, sitting the sweats on the bed as he decided to focus on the sweater first. He twisted it and unfolded it, flipping it around in his hands a few times before finding the large opening at the bottom. He looked up at Alex for confirmation that he was doing it right. All it told Alex was that he was basically dealing with a fresh goddamn human.

He stuck his hands inside, stretching and moving wildly as he tried to make it work. Alex smiled at the childish nature of it and moved forward, helping him get his arms through the sleeves and his head through the collar. He flashed a smile when they made eye contact. 

“Can you get the pants or do you need help with that too?”

“I got it. You did it so many times.”

“Great, glad to know I could teach you something,” Alex huffed, shaking his head with a little laugh. Still, the not-wolf had to sit on the bed and focus harder than normal to get his legs through the pants. “Does your hand-eye coordination improve the longer you’re human or am I going to have to teach you how to function?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Like, do you get better at doing things?”

“Oh. Yes.”

“Got it.”

They made their way into the kitchen and the not-wolf stood too close to him, lingering over his shoulder as if his wolf boundaries were still acceptable in human form. They weren’t though, not really, and Alex shoved him away.

“Give me space,” he instructed. He agreed, moving a few feet away before eventually deciding to sit on the floor by his water bowl that was probably not helpful anymore. “Now, give me answers.”

Within the 15 minutes it took to cook eggs and deer sausage, Alex got the run down of all things mythical. He learned that it was extremely difficult to shift when they were hurt, meaning he couldn’t have let Alex know earlier if he tried (but they healed faster in wolf form anyway so it was pointless). He also learned that he spent most of his time as a wolf, but usually became human during hunts because his elders had taught him that was what he should do. That was how his English had gotten as good as it had.

“Wait, so why were you a wolf during this last hunt? What happened?” Alex asked. He shifted awkwardly, pulling on the sleeves of the sweater as he tried to find his words.

“Days are different out there, it’s hard to know exactly when the hunt will be. Usually, my sister comes to get me and gives me a place to go, but this time she didn’t. I-I don’t know why,” he said. Alex furrowed his eyebrows as he looked over at him.

“Your sister?”

“Yes. She spends most of her time human, she doesn’t like being outside like that.”

“Because of the hunt?”

“No,” he said, but then he paused for a moment, “Yes. I don’t know. It’s strange. She wants to be normal, so she goes. I like being that.”

“I get it,” Alex said easily. He dispersed the food onto two plates and walked over to him, sitting down on the floor with him. He handed him the plate and a fork, but he simply put the fork on the ground and used his hands. “So, do you have a name? Or do you spend so much time as a wolf that you don’t have one?”

“No, I have one,” he said, picking up a small section of scrambled egg with all five of his fingers. Alex smiled as he shoved it in his mouth in the messiest way possible. “It’s Michael.”

“Michael,” Alex repeated, “I’m Alex.”

“Alex,” he said, nodding his head as he shoved more egg into his mouth, “I never had this food, Alex, it’s good.”

“Yeah, you’re welcome.”

They ate in silence for a little while longer, Alex finding amusement in watching him make a mess and then eventually having to show him how to wash his hands. Instead of a morning workout or going immediately to his garden, they sat down on the couch to talk more. Michael sat too close, too eager to lay on him like he did when he was a wolf.

“Okay, you can’t do that,” Alex told him, pushing him away until they were firmly on other sides of the couch, “I don’t like that.”

“Like what?”

“The whole unnecessary touch thing.”

“That man that was here before did that,” Michael pointed out. Alex opened his mouth to explain, but then he realized that Michael had caused that whole scene and knew exactly what he was doing.

“Yeah, and you ran him off. Why would you do that?” Alex asked. Michael had no shame as he looked at him.

“Not fair.”

“What’s not fair?”

“He got all the petting and he was only here for a few minutes. I got none for that whole time,” Michael explained like it was obvious. Alex scoffed, but couldn’t help but laugh.

“You aren’t entitled to my attention, you know that right? I can pet whoever I want,” Alex said. Michael just shrugged, twisting to sit with his back against the arm of the couch and his legs criss-cross again. “But I was trying to have a sex and I think you knew that.”

Michael gave a guilty smile.

“What the fuck?” Alex said, giving another little laugh, “You’re such an ass.”

Michael laughed, so open and free that Alex nearly felt guilty for being cynical. But, still, this wasn’t a completely understood situation.

“So, what’s the plan? ‘Cause you can’t stay with me forever,” Alex told him. Michael pulled his leg up, resting his chin on his knee and giving him those sad puppy eyes that worked just as well as they did when he was an actual dog. “Oh no, you’re not guilting me into letting you stay here.”

“But I’m hurt.”

“You said it yourself, you’re all healed,” Alex pointed out. Slowly, that bottom lip popped out in a pout and Alex had to fight a smile. 

“But we’re friends.”

“Friends don’t cock-block each other.”

Still, that pout was still there. Alex shook his head, trying to hide his laugh before he got up. He was just going to have to think about this more. He felt bad just throwing him back out when he knew that his family was trigger happy, but he didn’t like the idea of having a whole ass person in his house. Maybe they could compromise. 

“Look, I’m gonna go take a shower, can I trust you to stay put?” Alex asked. Michael nodded. “Good.”

The rest of the day somehow carried on like normal. Michael sat on the bed like he always did to watch Alex braid his hair, staring like it was the most interesting thing in the world. They went to work on the garden together, this time with Michael working on his hand-eye coordination by trying to help. It was the same as they went to cut fire wood. Turns out there was a bonus to having someone around with werewolf strength--the dude could basically carry a whole ass tree.

For some reason, Alex didn’t hate it. He didn’t hate having him tag along and he didn’t hate having to explain things to him. He felt more patient than ever and that in itself was wild. He didn’t like people. But, then again, Michael wasn’t quite people.

“You need to go take a shower,” Alex told him that night. Michael just stared at him like he’d lost his mind. “Don’t look at me like that. If you’re gonna stay in human form, you have to act like one.”

With a little bit of persuasion, Alex showed him how the shower worked and what soap to use on his hair and what soap to use on his body. Alex waited outside of the bathroom for about five minutes until a large crash happened and not-so-manly whining followed it.

“What did you do?” Alex asked.

“My eyes,” Michael whined. Alex sighed and asked for permission to help him. It was granted without hesitation.

He walked into the tiny bathroom and pulled back the shower curtain, seeing him holding his palms to his eyes and yet barely any soap in his hair. Alex grabbed a rag and peeled his hands away from his eyes, holding his chin as he dabbed over his closed eyes.

“Now blink a lot,” Alex told him. He did as he was told for about a solid minute until it didn’t hurt as bad.

Alex decided to stay and showed him how to wash his hair, massaging his scalp and smiling at the way he seemed to purr at the sensation. He helped him rinse it out before deciding he could wash his body on his own. He left him with a warning that he needed to be completely dry with the towel before he came out. The instructions worked well enough despite Alex ending up drying his hair for him.

“So, I don’t know if you plan to stay human, but if you do, we can go to a thrift shop and get you some clothes of your own,” Alex offered as he gave him another pair of clothing. He would have to do laundry soon which was always a pain in the ass.

“I’d like to stay human for a little while,” Michael said, putting on the sweater with a little less trouble this time. 

“I thought you said you liked being a wolf.”

“Yes,” Michael said, “But I like being with you.”

Alex ignored the way his stomach clenched and he just made his way towards the bedside table, grabbing his brush before undoing his braid. He didn’t mind Michael, but the fact that he didn’t mind him was scary. It was scarier to know that Michael wanted to stay human to be around him. What exactly did that mean? Nothing, right? They hadn’t known each other long enough to be more than nothing.

The bed creaked as Michael crawled onto it and Alex eyed him.

“What are you doing? You’re sleeping on the couch,” Alex said. Michael made a wounded noise, looking up to him like Alex had just told him his dog died. “I told you. If you’re human, you have to act like it. Humans don’t share beds with strangers.”

Michael didn’t move, looking up at Alex like he was genuinely, deeply hurt by the idea that, not only could they not share a bed, but that he was a stranger. Alex held up his end for a total of thirty seconds before he caved. What the hell was this wolf-man doing to him? Since when was he this fucking nice?

“Fine,” Alex groaned. Michael instantly fell into bed and curled into the blankets, smiling all proud of himself. Alex shook his head, finishing brushing his hair before he climbed into bed too. 

Like the night before, only much different, Michael nuzzled his face under Alex’s chin. He snuggled close like that was okay and shifting and itching as he tried to get comfortable in not only his new skin, but new clothes. Alex thought about pointing out that unnecessary touching thing again, but he smelled good and he wasn’t actually that bothered. He didn’t instigate it by touching him more, but he definitely didn’t push him away.

“Alex?” he whispered, voice soft like it was a secret.

“What?” Alex whispered right back.

Michael didn’t give a verbal response, simply pressed in closer and pulled the blanket up to Alex’s chin which meant it was basically over his head. It had Alex wondering if he got cold without all the extra fur. Regardless, he still didn’t touch him.

But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like it.

-

A week went by and it turns out living with a half-man, half-wolf wasn’t that bad.

Michael was actually quiet for the most part and he adjusted to human-living quite well. He picked up on how to make coffee very fast. He took showers regularly and wore clothes and helped in the garden. He was an effective hunting partner and wasn’t grossed out by the process of skinning the deer. He was still working on the boundaries part, but, hey, he was trying and Alex appreciated it. It had to be confusing to rationalize that it was okay to touch while they were in bed, but not when they weren’t unless he was a wolf.

It was all easy until they had to go into town to get him clothes and to refill gas cans.

“I don’t like stores.”

“Neither do I.”

“I hate them.”

“So do I.”

“Then why did we go?”

Alex sighed and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He hated going into public, he always had, and after moving into the woods, he hated it more. He hated talking to people and he hated the way the town looked at him and he hated having to perform social niceties that, to him, didn’t feel very nice. However, he hadn’t quite acknowledged that Michael had been even more isolated from it all. 

They’d been in the thrift store for a total of about thirty minutes and just barely made it to that point. People were staring and whispering and avoiding them like the plague, judging them openly. Alex was used to that. Michael, on the other hand, was not and he nearly had a breakdown in the middle of the store after four people deliberately speed-walked away from him and one lady loudly asked her friend why they thought it was okay to come during peak business hours. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around people not liking him on principal and it made him uncomfortable and, well, a wolf never really had to learn to contain emotions. So Alex sent him to the truck while he paid.

When he got to the truck, Michael was curled in a ball with his hands clasped over the back of his head.

“Look, I’m sorry, I should’ve warned you,” Alex said softly. He knew that the people who chose to be around him suffered consequences with the exception of his brothers and his father. And even then the only reason they didn’t was because they ran the fucking town. Alex was an outlier and everyone suspected he was one of them and that his father had sent him to the woods for that reason. The worst part was that Michael actually was.

“Can we go home now?” he asked, voice small as he stayed in the ball. Guilt filled Alex’s system and, for the first time since he was human, he reached out and initiated touch. He stroked his hair and then squeezed his shoulder, trying to comfort him.

“One more stop, but you can stay in the car for that, is that okay?”

Michael nodded.

Alex drove to the gas station while keeping one hand on Michael, hoping that that would be stabilizing enough. He left Michael in the car with a soft ‘I’ll be right back’ and went to go pay for his gas. He grabbed a coffee and sour candy while he was inside, deciding to give Michael some sort of prize for surviving a day amongst the humans of Roswell along with something to ground him, before heading to the counter.

“$50 on pump 7?” the cashier said without even looking up at him. Alex appreciated her lack of conversation mixed with the lack of judgement. She had the same distaste towards him as she did everyone else and she always had. Which is why this was the only gas station he went to.

“Yeah,” Alex answered, fishing out his wallet. There was something slightly annoying that all of his money still technically came from his father and brothers. Sure, they were buying meat off him for not only themselves, but for the big dinners on the night of the hunt, so it wasn’t like it was a handout. But still.

“Alex?” a familiar voice asked. Alex looked up to see his brother, Greg, walking inside. “Hey, I was just on my way out to your place.”

Alex gave a small shrug as he turned to him, coffee and candy in hand. He would never admit that he was a little scared that, if Greg saw Michael, he would know. They’d all been taught from a young age to question anyone who wasn’t from around there and, even if they were, to keep watch of all their differences. Greg was a little different and had been dating a girl who wasn’t from around there, but it still made him wary to let him follow him back to the truck.

“Need meat? Or just need a little brotherly companionship?” Alex asked. Greg huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes.

“Meat,” he said, “I told you, I’d keep dad from comin’ around there. I keep my word.”

“Right,” Alex sighed. He was thankful that he didn’t have to see his father, but, fuck, he didn’t want him meeting Michael. Not one bit. Especially not when Michael was having a bad time. He would like all of his brothers to not see him be nice to anyone. 

“Isobel’s with me,” Greg told him and then eyed him for a moment before looking towards the cashier and then looking back, “And I also noticed there’s a guy in your truck.” So much for keeping that to himself.

“Yeah,” Alex said simply, shrugging his shoulder. He could play it off.

“Moved on from Forrest already?”

“You’re the one who told me to leave him be,” Alex pointed out though he didn’t say that he’d sort of forgotten about Forrest over the last week. He’d sort of been distracted.

“Yeah, I did,” Greg said, nodding slowly. This was certifiably one of the weirdest conversations they’d ever had. That was saying something. “You usually don’t listen.”

“What can I say? We both have a thing for strangers, don’t we?” Alex said. Greg huffed a small laugh.

“I’ll see you at your cabin in a bit,” he said, clasping a hand on his shoulder as he walked past him.

Alex went to his truck, opening the driver’s seat and prodding Michael in his thigh with his middle finger. He peeked up at him through his curls and over his knees, eyes wide and cautious and obscenely gorgeous. Alex held out the coffee and the candy.

“Eat that, it’ll help you feel better,” Alex instructed. Michael nodded and grabbed the items with slightly shaky hands. 

As frustrating as it was to see Michael so distraught over a few rude people, there was also something fascinatingly pure about it. Hell, there was something fascinatingly pure about nearly everything this non-quite-man did. It had Alex’s mind filling with new questions each day. Was he born this way or had he been changed? Was he raised as a wolf? Was he given the option? Had he been in these woods with Alex their entire lives and somehow never crossed paths? 

Alex filled the gas cans in the back of his truck as quickly as possible, climbing back in once he was done and heading home. He was exhausted already and it was hardly noon. He rightfully blamed Michael.

“You good now?” he asked after they’d been shrouded by the trees on the path to the cabin for a good fifteen minutes. Michael had lifted his head entirely, sucking on the sour candy that made him make disgusted faces, but he kept on because Alex had told him to. He’d follow it up by taking sips of the coffee that caused an even more distressed face from the clashing tastes, but he persisted nonetheless. “‘Cause my brother is coming over and I need you to feel like a real person.”

“I am real,” Michael answered.

“Yeah, you can’t talk like that.”

“I…” Michael started, but he stopped himself and shifted, “Alright.”

When they pulled up to the cabin, Michael grabbed the bag of clothes they’d gotten, his trash, and went to help with the gas cans. Alex rationalized that that was a big reason why he didn’t mind having Michael around. He pulled his weight.

“Do you feel better?” Alex asked as they got settled in the outside area, filling a bag with frozen deer meat for Greg.

“Yes,” Michael said, but his eyes were still a little distanced. It only took a few seconds before he added, “But do you mind if I shift?”

Alex blinked in surprise, but he quickly shoved that away. “Yeah, of course, do whatever you need.”

Michael nodded and started heading inside to go do just that. Alex almost stopped him to wait until after Greg got here and left, but he figured he could say he dropped him off before coming home. Alex did have a lot of questions, more pooling in his mind that he supposed he could wait until he wanted to shift back. Maybe them healing faster in wolf form applied to emotional wounds as well.

A few minutes later, someone‒Greg‒knocked on the door. Alex brought the bag of deer meat into the house with him as he went to go open the door. Michael was nowhere to be seen.

“Oh, you really want me to leave as soon as I got here, don’t you?” Greg asked as Alex immediately handed the bag to him. He shrugged a dismissive shoulder. “You remember Isobel, right?”

Alex looked over towards the tall blonde that stood behind him. Her makeup was faint and her hair was down and her clothes were plain. It almost made Alex feel bad. When Greg had first met her, he’d excitedly showed Alex pictures of her since he was the only one he could go to about a girl who was from out of town. She looked lively and always dressed to the nines in every picture, regardless of how mundane the situation. That town had successfully forced her to conform. 

“Yeah,” Alex said, “I picked her up from work that day.”

“Yeah, I know, but you’re, well, Alex,” Greg said. He didn’t need to elaborate for Alex to get what he meant by that.

They barely had a second of silence pass between them before Isobel’s face suddenly lit up, looking much more like those pictures. Alex looked behind him at that and saw that Michael, fully wolfed-up, had made himself known. Alex stepped to the side and she took that as her invitation to go pet him.

Except it seemed a little more than that. Isobel dropped to her knees and Michael immediately jumped all over her, licking her face as she hugged him and pet him. Alex couldn’t help but feel extremely confused by that.

Clearly, so was Greg because he felt the need to say, “She really likes dogs.”

“I see that,” Alex noted. The two of them sat there on the ground even as Michael calmed down, just hugging each other. For a moment, Alex recalled Michael saying his sister much preferred living as a human. Was it possible that she… No. No, that’d be crazy.

“When, uh, when did you get a dog?” Greg asked, a little too much emphasis on the word ‘dog’. Alex licked his lips as he watched the two of them. Isobel seemed to be whispered into Michael’s fur, slowly but surely convincing him that maybe she was that sister he spoke about.

“He was hurt, took ‘em in,” Alex explained. Greg just nodded in a kind of stilted way. Alex looked between Isobel and Greg a few times, slowly but surely milling things over in his mind. Did Greg know? Was he also just harbouring one of them?

Oh, what would Daddy Manes say if he knew what his boys were up to?

“Iz,” Greg said after a moment, clearing his throat, “We gotta get back for dinner with my dad.”

Isobel looked over at him with sort of a neutral expression before she nodded. She kissed Michael’s fur and scratched behind his ear and he gave a little whine when she pulled away. Alex stared at her pretty intently as she stood back up and looked at him. She gave him a small smile.

“He’s a very nice dog,” Isobel said. Alex nodded.

“Yeah,” he agreed. They stared at each other for a while, longer than what Alex was taught was socially acceptable. Neither of them cared.

Greg cleared his throat.

“We’ll see you later, Alex,” Greg said, giving him a goodbye nod. Isobel reached for his hand and he took it, leading the way as they headed to his truck. Alex closed the door behind them and turned to the wolf that seemed to continue to take over his life.

“Was that your sister?” Alex asked him. Michael just stared up at him, his animalistic features making it difficult to receive confirmation. “Okay. Lunch?”

Michael stayed close, disregarding the boundaries they’d established when he was in human form. Honestly, Alex didn’t really mind. It was strange, but he was infinitely more comfortable with the wolf version of him snuggling up to his side, laying at his feet, rubbing up against him for pets than he was with the human man that breathed too heavy and still put his clothes on backwards.

After lunch, with not much to do, Alex laid on the couch and grabbed a book. Michael, in all his fluffy glory, sprawled across him. He got through maybe a chapter before the not-quite-wolf captured his attention. It was easy to just wrap his arms around him and hide his face in his fur. It was easy to focus on his steady breathing and the way he cuddled close despite his lack of human grip. Which, honestly, was what made it easy. People left and judged and spoke. Animals… There seemed to be an unspoken dedication that Alex could appreciate.

He could remember the last time he took a nap in the middle of the day before that.

-

Forrest: heard you got a new man. Feel like I shouldn't be surprised.

Alex rolled his eyes, throwing his phone back on the bed and grabbed his brush. Michael watched him with those intense eyes like always and still said nothing. Alex got to work braiding his hair.

It had taken a few days, but eventually Michael was ready to be human again. Alex woke up that morning with him snoring and naked, body cold from the lack of fur and basically burying himself into Alex to chase heat. It was clingy and annoying and so fucking hot that Alex wanted to kick him out. But he didn’t.

“More buzzing,” Michael noted as Forrest texted him again.

“Ignore it.”

“Okay.”

Alex pulled the braid over his shoulder to finish it, noticing it had reached his nipples now. A childish thought of how he could finally be a mermaid passed through his brain and he couldn’t help but smile. It was weird to think of how many years he’d wanted to be anything but himself and now he happened to befriend someone who had that choice.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Alex asked as he thought about it, turning to Michael who was eager to give an answer, “Were you always like this? Like, able to shift? Or is, like, the legend a thing and you can be turned?”

Michael paused for a moment, thinking relatively hard as he tried to find the right words. Alex let him as he tied off the end of the braid. He sat back on the bed and Michael, the king of needing physical touch, made sure their thighs were touching. Alex didn’t mind.

“Both is true. I was born like this. My parents were both this,” Michael said, “But they died. Or left. Or something. I’m not sure.”

“What do you mean you’re not sure?”

Michael shrugged. “I don’t remember. They were gone when I was a baby. I was by myself a lot.” 

Alex felt an uncharacteristic pang of empathy and he reached out, rubbing his arm slightly.

“I’m sorry to hear that. That must’ve been scary.”

“A little. I got good at hiding during hunts and stuff and a few people fed me when they didn’t realize I was a wolf because I was small. But one of the elders, Aliya, she found me and took care of me. She taught me to go human during hunts for safety. She died too,” Michael said. He seemed very flippant about that word, like so many people he’d loved died. And most of them were probably at the hand of Alex’s family. Wasn’t that just horrifying?

“What about your sister‒that’s Isobel, right?” Alex clarified. Michael stared at him for a minute, almost like he was scared to confirm it. Alex just squeezed his bicep in comfort. (It was obscenely muscular and almost ruined the mood, but Alex was adult enough to cover that up.)

“She… Don’t tell her I said so,” Michael said quickly. Alex nodded. “Yes. But she isn’t my real sister, we just…”

“Take care of each other?” Alex filled in. Michael nodded in agreement. It had Alex wondering a little bit what had stopped her from going to get him on the night of the hunt. Maybe it had to do with Greg, but even that felt weird. The whole thing was weird. “I get that.”

“Humans can become like us, though,” Michael said, changing the subject. Alex didn’t mind. Whatever was going on with her really wasn’t his business. “We can bite right here.” Michael reached up and pressed his fingers to Alex’s neck.

“Just right there?”

“Yes, I think,” he said, nodding, “But it’s scary. You can die if it’s wrong.”

“Have you ever done it?” Alex asked, his hand moving from his arm to tuck a few loose curls behind his ear. Michael kept that intense look. 

“No, never,” he insisted, “I don’t think it’s good.”

“Not even if I asked?” Alex said. Michael’s eyes seemed to widen just a little bit more, trying to register his words as Alex continued to fiddle with the ends of his hair. He wasn’t quite sure what he was doing. “Kidding.”

Michael swallowed harshly and stared, leaning a bit closer. Alex wasn’t sure if he should move or not. But Michael didn’t cross any boundaries‒or, not really‒and instead did that thing he did when he wasn’t human. He nudged his nose into Alex’s cheek and then buried his face in the crook of his neck.

Alex leaned back against the pillows and moved his hand to the back of his head, letting him lay there for a moment. Michael had gotten dressed more for a desire to be warm than a desire to be clothed, so Alex wasn’t surprised when he moved his hand up and put it over Alex’s collarbone. His fingers slipped beneath his shirt. Alex still had no desire to push him away.

“Did you ever think about being human and moving into the town?” Alex asked, gently scratching his nails against his scalp.

“When Izzy did. I didn’t wanna be alone,” he whispered. 

“What stopped you?”

“I found Max,” Michael said. That was the first time he ever mentioned someone named Max. Alex didn’t know what to say to that, so he just kept scratching his head and waited. “He’s my brother.”

“Where’s he?”

“I got hurt,” Michael told him, voice softer than before. Alex wrapped his other arm around him. “I’m not sure where he is. We got split up and you found me, so he’s probably out there.”

“Do you miss him?” Michael nodded. It was the first time that Alex considered that Michael might actually leave for real. Why was that so much scarier than him staying? “Do you want to go back into the woods?”

“I want to find him,” Michael said instead, “So he knows I’m okay.”

Alex dragged his thumb over Michael’s jaw, staring up at where the wall met the ceiling. His great grandfather on his mother’s side had built this little cabin back in the late 40s when the Manes had changed the status quo from killing wolves for protection to killing wolves for glory, moving out into the woods to make a statement that it wasn’t dangerous. His great grandma and his grandma had lived in the town for awhile after that, though, and his grandma only moved out here after she’d had two kids and her husband died. 

Alex’s mother had been raised in this tiny cabin with her brother and her mother, fully living off the land like it should’ve been. To this day, he still never understood how exactly his mother met his father and why she liked him enough to have four children with him. It felt like a disconnect. Why would she choose that over this?

But it didn’t matter. This cabin, small and quaint as it was, was a statement of rebellion and family and change. Who would Alex be if he tried to make Michael stay? Even if he wanted him to?

“You can go, if you want.”

Michael sucked in a deep breath and nuzzled in a little closer. 

“And I could come back?”

“Always.”

They fell silent like they usually did, soft touches still being given. They didn’t really need to discuss the logistics. He would probably leave and he would probably come back. Alex had been alone for a long time before‒he liked being alone‒it wasn’t some dramatic thing. This was just a wolf person he’d housed for the last three weeks. It wouldn’t be a drastic change.

It was only when Michael tilted his head and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck that Alex realized he was beyond fucked.

-

“Stop talking.”

“Then you talk. C’mon, tell me how good I‒”

Alex coved Forrest’s mouth with his hand, chasing his release with each thrust of his hips and trying to get the man under him to stop fucking ruining it. 

It was perhaps Alex’s own fault, though. Michael had left to go find his brother four days prior and Alex, for the first time ever, felt lonely. It was weird sleeping alone and it was weird gardening alone and it was weird eating alone. He missed the annoying heavy breathing and the too much touching. Staring at the unused pile of clothes felt like they were taunting him. So he called Forrest up. It was dumb of Alex to think it was a valid replacement.

The man was still a little burned by Alex “moving on” and felt the need to show that by attempting to be bossy. It had Alex wondering how he even dealt with him in the first place. He liked the silence that came with living with a literal wolf much more than the ramblings of a man who claimed to be an animal in bed.

“Fuck,” Alex grunted as he finished, catching his breath for a second before pulling out and rolling onto the other side of the couch. Forrest seemed to be silenced by his own climax which, honestly, was a blessing.

A blessing that didn’t last nearly long enough.

“So, why’d you call? New guy not doing it for you?” Forrest asked. Alex rolled his eyes and groaned, wanting for him to just shut the fuck up for a few minutes. Forrest kicked his leg to get him to answer. 

“Why do you care? I made it clear we aren’t a thing,” Alex said.

“Yeah, but I at least deserve to know who else you’re fucking for my own safety. Like, when’s the last time you’ve been tested?”

“I’m not fucking anyone else,” Alex huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “And I got tested, like, last month. Which, again, haven’t fucked anyone else.”

“Well, then who’s that guy everyone saw you with? You know shit spreads fast in that town when it involves a Manes,” Forrest told him. Alex closed his eyes. “You’re known whether you want to be or not.”

“Oh my God, will you fuck off?” Alex asked, pushing himself to his feet, “It’s none of your business, nor is it anyone else’s. I’m out here for a reason.”

“Which I still don’t get. You’re a Manes, your family runs this town. Why aren’t you basking in that?” Forrest asked. Alex walked to the kitchen and grabbed a towel, wiping himself down and trying not to be irritated.

“Why would I want to? I fucking hate it,” Alex said, “The only reason I hooked up with you in the first place was because I thought you got that.”

“And I do, on some level. I don’t wanna be associated with my family either. But the difference is my family is a bunch of annoying bigots, your family runs a town.”

“A town full of idiotic, cold-hearted people who thrive off the glory of murdering innocent animals for generations,” Alex scoffed, “And you think I want that tacked onto my name?”

“No one fucks with you because of your name, Alex.”

“No, no one fucks with me because they think I’m some fucking creature of the night.”

“And you do nothing to dispute that, by the way.”

“Because I don’t give a shit! Let them think what they want.”

“Sometimes I think your dad was right,” Forrest said, his words making Alex freeze in place. He looked up slowly, seeing Forrest just standing there completely naked and with none of the charm that Michael’s nudity had. The power those words held, the ‘your dad was right’, hit Alex square in the chest. He hated it.

“What did you just say to me?” Alex asked. Forrest shifted under his gaze, his angry stance swaying just a little bit with the fear that came with being stared down by a man with the last name Manes. Alex felt he was the least scary of them all, but that didn’t mean he didn’t know what he was capable of. 

“After I first met you, your dad cornered me and told me to tell him if there was anything sketchy about you and he’d make sure I was safe in town. And there is something sketchy about you. This, this whole isolation thing and your weird indiviuality complex is fucking weird. You do know humans are social creatures, right? We’re supposed to feel more comfort being close, not being separated. Sometimes I think maybe you really are what the rumors say,” Forrest said. 

“So you were hooking up with me because my father told you to?” Alex clarified slowly, his body filling with anger and something akin to betrayal. It wasn’t like he’d ever really put anything into a relationship with Forrest, but, fuck, he did think they were at least friends on some level.

“No,” Forrest said quickly, shaking his head, “No, that was my choice. He just… took advantage of that. But still.”

“No, what the fuck have you told my dad?” Alex scoffed.

“I told him you self isolate and that’s probably a mental issue,” Forrest said, having the audacity to sound like he cared, “That isn’t normal, Alex.”

“Fuck you,” he said, shaking his head, “Seriously, fuck you. Why would I want to be normal? Why can’t I just do what I want? Why the fuck do you buy into bullshit standards that are set for us? You even said it yourself, everyone in that fucking town conforms to the same bullshit ideology. Why are you buying it?”

“I like you, Alex,” Forrest said softly, “But I’m worried about you. So’s your dad.”

“Oh my God,” Alex breathed, a small hysterical bout of laughter raking through his system. He felt so stupid. So stupid for thinking that someone else, someone human, would get it. “Get out.”

“Alex‒”

“No, get out. You don’t know shit about my dad if you think he’s worried about me. Get the fuck out of my house.”

It took a few minutes too long, but eventually Forrest was gone and Alex was left with more regrets than ever. How the hell did he let someone into his space? He’d known for his entire life that humans were shitty and thrived off their stupid hive-mind. Why did he think Forrest was any different? Was it the blue hair? The fact that he was intrigued by Alex’s way of life until he realized how in depth it was? Why?

 He missed Michael.

-

Gregory Manes showed up unannounced early one morning, no coffee in hand.

“I’ve come to expect coffee from you and now I’m disappointed,” Alex said flatly. 

“I know that you know,” Greg responded instead, voice a little on edge. It was how Alex noticed the way he was fidgeting. “But the hunt’s tonight and Isobel’s out there and you know the woods better than anyone else. Help me.”

Alex had to blink a few times to fully process what he was asking. He figured that Isobel had probably gone to fetch Michael before the hunt. He wanted to reassure him, to tell him they’d probably be fine, but Michael had been shot last time. And, honestly, he was a little eager to see him again. 

“Okay.”

Greg waited for him to get dressed and braid his hair. They filled their water bottles and stuffed a bag with two blankets in case they shifted and needed cover. Then they headed out into the woods to find their respective objects of affection. It was strange that they had this thing in common and both of them seemed very determined not to elaborate. Alex had no idea what Greg knew, Greg had no idea what Alex knew, and they were both aware of how dangerous it could be to share information. So they didn’t.

Alex didn’t really know where the wolves went when they were out and about. He rarely saw them and, when he did, they kept their distance. He never felt the need to bother them before. They shared space, it was free reign. That meant he really had no idea where the hell he was going. 

It was the definition of wandering. Neither of them spoke or tried to call out for the wolves they wanted to protect, deciding to keep it to themselves. Truly, it was more for Greg’s safety than Alex’s. If all the wolves were like Michael and Isobel, that meant they knew exactly who the Manes were. Alex didn’t hunt them, but Greg did. Maybe he didn’t shoot, but he was there. It had Alex wondering if Isobel suffered any judging from other wolves for being with him.

They walked for hours, going deeper into the woods than even Alex really hadn’t gone since he was an angry 13 year old who ran out of school and into the woods. His father had assembled a search party after six hours of him being gone only for his grandmother to find him in a clearing, eating berries she’d taught him were safe.

They reached that same clearing around noon after a solid five hours of walking and decided to take a small break.

“Dad’s gonna kill us when he finds out,” Greg sighed as they sat down on a log. Alex shook his head.

“Why are you going to tell him?” 

“Didn’t say I was. He’s just… Dad. He knows,” Greg said. He had a point. The worst part about his father was that he was one of the smartest men Alex had ever met. He had a military background and was a born leader who had studied human psychology to only boost that more. He could read body language too well. The idea that Greg even brought Isobel over to his house for dinner felt like bringing her into a trap.

“Why do you let Isobel around him?” Alex asked. Greg huffed a laugh.

“I tried not to. Even, even before I found out about all this. I didn’t want her influenced by him,” Greg said, giving a stupid little laugh, “But she has been, so…”

“Does she spend enough time out here? I think it makes a difference,” Alex said, keeping his words as vague as possible. He knew Michael handled things by shifting. It wasn’t even like he was trying to run away from the problems, it seemed to be more about things making more sense in the mind of a wolf. 

“I don’t think so,” Greg admitted softly. Alex nodded. He wasn’t very good with words and he didn’t know how he was supposed to comfort him in that moment. Was he supposed to say it gets better? That it’d be fine? That she wasn’t out here because she was mad at him? Because he didn’t know any of that.

“If you wanna, like… spend more time out at the cabin… It was your grandma’s too,” Alex said as if that was helpful. And it seemed to be because Greg smiled.

Maybe it would’ve been more heartwarming if a low growl didn’t come from behind them.

They both looked over to see a wolf, bigger than Michael, growling at them with his head bowed and eyes narrowed. It was a similar tactic to the one Michael had used in an attempt to run off Forrest, but this time Alex actually did find it intimidating. This wolf seemed out for blood.

The two of them jumped off the log as the wolf took a step closer.

“It’s okay,” Alex said softly, holding out his hands to show that he wasn’t a threat, “It’s okay, we’re not going to hurt you.”

It was stupid of him to think what worked with Michael would work with this wolf. Alex caught the moment the wolf lunged and immediately pushed his brother out of the way. Before the wolf could get to him though, another one tackled it out of the way.

Alex and Greg both fell to the ground as they watched the two fight with wide eyes. It was jarring and confusing and Alex only got more horrified when he realized one of them was Michael. But it wasn’t like they could do anything. They just had to wait.

Eventually, Isobel, barefoot in human form, appeared. Her hair was a mess and her clothes were thrown on like she’d shifted in the woods beside some hidden stash of clothes. She whistled loudly, efficiently breaking the two wolves up.

“Thanks,” Greg told her. She simply walked over and held her hand out to him, helping him to his feet. 

Before Alex could get to his, Michael came to him and instantly started to greet him with licks and nuzzles. Alex shamelessly accepted them, scratching behind his ears.

“Hi,” he said softly and Michael damn near purred in response. God, he missed him.

“We need to get out of the woods, they’re going to prepare for the hunt soon,” Isobel said sternly. It was more words than Alex had ever heard her actually speak and he sort of understood why. There was a comforting, yet commanding lilt to her voice. It was impossible not to obey.

“We can go to my cabin,” Alex offered despite the fact that part of him actively hated the idea of packing his house with that many bodies. However, he could suffer one night with it.

Besides, he could close the door and only focus on Michael being back in his bed.

“Let’s go.”

- 

“I’m sorry for almost attacking you. I’ve never seen any Manes that weren’t a threat.”

“It’s alright.”

Alex didn’t say anything. He just let Greg accept the apology from Max and Max could just take the fact he let him in his house as enough of a compromise.

It was dark by the time they all got settled in the cabin and all in human form. Michael and Max had to shift back and Alex witnessed it for the first time. It looked ungodly painful and, according to the looks on their faces, it was. Their bodies were morphing in different ways and contorting unlike anything Alex had ever seen. But then they’d both stretched, bones cracking, and they were fine.

Michael put on his clothes, but Max was a little harder. He was taller and broader than Michael and Alex and it wasn’t like Greg had clothes in his truck. He had to just settle for pants that didn’t quite reach his ankles and a jacket.

“Coffee?” Michael whispered, his breath hot against the back of Alex’s neck. He was hovering and touchy, but Alex honestly didn’t mind. He had a bad taste in his mouth after the night before and he’d sort of missed the way he wanted to be close.

“It’s night time,” Alex pointed out. Michael hummed and pressed a kiss to his neck. Logically, Alex knew that meant nothing. Michael was a fucking wolf, he didn’t know what constituted as romantic and platonic affection. But, still, it was getting difficult to make sense of it.

But, then again, his brother was sleeping with a wolf, so it must be okay.

“Coffee,” Michael repeated. Alex huffed a laugh.

“Fine.”

They made coffee and joined the other three in the room. Max had sat on the floor and Isobel had chosen to sit in Greg’s lap on the couch. Alex took the other end of the couch and Michael placed himself at his feet. The siren signalling the beginning of the hunt rang through the air and it didn’t go unnoticed how all the wolves in the room got stiff with discomfort.

“It’s okay, they know not to come close,” Alex promised, hand mindlessly rubbing Michael’s shoulder as he sipped his coffee. 

“Dad’s gonna fucking kill me for skipping,” Greg noted.

“Kill him first,” Max suggested. Alex snorted and nodded in agreement. 

“I wish it was that easy. I don’t even know how to fix any of this at this point. How do we change a whole town’s mindset? Like, no matter what, they’ll be scared and they’ll want the hunt to continue,” Greg complained, making it a little too serious. No one really had a response because he was right. People have tried to make statements before, but they all got virtually shunned out of the town. 

“Well, it doesn’t help that they’re right,” Alex said. That got the wolves attention, but he wasn’t going to back down. “They’re scared of creatures that aren’t quite human, aren’t quite wolf. And they exist. Maybe it’s not the same way they think, but they do. And because of the hunt, the wolves are defensive. Like, Max wanting to attack us. That’s because of what the humans did first. There’s a lot more to stop before we just say no more hunting.”

“How many wolves are even left out there, do you know?” Greg asked. Isobel didn’t answer which made sense since she was in the woods the least.

“Not many,” Michael said.

“A lot left decades ago,” Max chimed in, “Like, at least eight different packs left decades ago. Most of the ones that were left were just stubborn. But, now, with the way things have been going, most of us that are still out there are alone or run in packs of two. Makes it hard to keep a head count.”

“But there are other places? Like, you won’t go extinct or anything?” Greg clarified. Isobel huffed a laugh and shook her head.

They sat up and talked through all the gunshots, trying to provide a distraction. Alex kept his hands on Michael the whole time and Michael did the same. It made it hard to focus entirely, but he did his best. 

Alex, deciding to be nice, offered to let them stay for the night. Greg and Isobel could take the couch and Max seemed content to take the floor. They just all agreed that they would find a better hide out in the morning. Then Alex and Michael went to bed.

Alex changed out of his day clothes into his night ones, deciding that he could force himself and Michael into the shower in the morning. He just wanted to get back into bed with him and maybe steal a more efficient night’s sleep. Maybe. Spending so long touching all casually had him feeling sort of restless. Still, Alex took out his braid and shook his hair out before heading to the bed that Michael had already made himself at home in.

“Can I ask you something?” Alex asked as they stared at each other in the darkness. Michael nodded like he always did. “Why’d you trust me so easily that night of the last hunt? Like Max said he could smell that we were Manes. Why’d you trust me?”

Michael furrowed his eyebrows like he was confused by the question. Alex just waited until he realized he actually wanted an answer.

“I’ve seen you, Alex,” he said simply. It was Alex’s turn to be confused. “I’ve seen you for years. We share space, we always have.”

“So, what, you just trusted me based on watching me?”

“The one who lived here before you fed me when I was small,” Michael explained, “If she trusts you, I trust you.”

Alex let out a heavy breath at that little revelation. He remembered Michael saying that he’d been fed by humans, but he hadn’t quite put it together that it was his grandmother. But, if she had, she had known full well he was a wolf no matter his size. Suddenly, her insistence that they were calm creatures made sense. She fucking fed them. She took care of them.

She took care of him.

“I’m sorry, should I not have said that?” Michael asked.

“I want to kiss you,” Alex said, all those pent up feelings from missing him and wanting him and touching him rushing to the surface. Michael didn’t give him a verbal response.

Instead, he moved forward and placed a soft little kiss on his lips. Alex felt like his whole world shifted into place at that moment. That’s what it was supposed to feel like. Not like getting a fix, but like he was finally fitting somewhere. He’d never felt so welcome and in a good way. There was no hiding. He was wanted because he was him.

Alex exhaled slowly as Michael ended the kiss, still sort of hovering a centimeter away. It really wasn’t enough. 

He dove back in to continue the kiss, making it a little deeper and deliberate than the one that preceded it. Michael laughed as Alex rolled him onto his back, placing himself firmly between his thighs and sliding his tongue past his lips. Michael held him close, kissing back just as feverishly and seeming to enjoy the closeness. Alex wondered if this is what he’d been chasing this whole time.

He didn’t want to stop. He never wanted to stop.

And, with Michael so eager, he didn’t see why he would ever have to.

-

Alex Manes was never one to sleep in, but apparently having sex with a not-quite-man could knock you out for hours.

He woke up to someone knocking on his bedroom door and, as much as he wanted to tell them to go away, he couldn’t. He gently pushed Michael off of him since he’d decided to lay on top of him all night and grabbed his pants off the floor, putting them on before he opened it. It would’ve been all nice and fun if he didn’t open it to his brother looking like a deer caught in headlights.

“Dad’s here,” he said. Alex suddenly felt a lot more awake.

“What?”

“Our father is here,” Greg said, voice hushed as he leaned a bit closer, “And we’re casually harbouring three fucking wolves.”

“Right. Just… right,” Alex said, looking around as he tried to stop feeling so fucking shaken up. He’d spent so many years no giving a shit what his father wanted anymore, but put a hot, naked wolf-man in his bed and suddenly he was fourteen and trying to explain how the first season of Queer as Folk got stashed under his pillow. “Um, let me get dressed. Stall him?”

“Hurry.”

Alex closed the door behind him and Michael lifted his head at the commotion. His curls were an absolute mess and his face was soft, everything about him making it hard to deny when he reached out towards him. Literally all Alex wanted to do was crawl back into bed with him.

Instead, he said, “Get up.”

Michael whined in protest, but Alex was just quickly throwing on clothes and tying his hair back in a bun as he tried to get him to put clothes on. He sat up in slow motion, a pout on his sweet mouth as he tried to listen. Alex grabbed his jaw, kissing him hard and quick in hopes that it would wake him up a bit more. It did, but he seemed to want to use that energy to pull him back into bed.

“No, look, get up, my dad’s here. Put clothes on, okay? Actually, you know what? Stay in here, don’t leave the room, okay?” Alex said. Michael fed off his fear and gave him a concerned look, nodding his head. “Okay.”

Alex pulled on his shoes and left the room, trying to act normal.

His father stood in the doorway of the cabin, face irritated as he spotted Alex over Greg’s shoulder. He was unsure of where Isobel and Max had gone, but he hoped they were somewhere safe. It felt weird to actually care about two people he hardly knew, but he knew Michael cared about them and that was pretty much all that mattered.

“Either of you care to explain to me what’s going on here?” he asked. Greg and Alex didn’t fork over an answer, but nor did they look at each other for one. They knew their father. They weren’t going to show any sign of guilt.

“Just hanging out with my brother,” Greg said.

“And you skipped the hunt for it? Do you know how bad that looks on me? It’s already bad enough that we have Alex hiding out in the woods and then parading around town with strange men all the time. Do neither of you have any ounce of respect for our family name?” he demanded. Alex searched for his confidence as he gave a cocky smile, hoping that it came off as genuine.

“Not really,” he said. Jesse shook his head in disgust.

“For God’s sake, Alex, you’ve really made it your mission to be a disgrace,” Jesse said. No matter how many walls he built up, that still hit him in his chest. He didn’t show it.

“Don’t talk to him like that,” Greg snapped.

“Don’t,” Alex said, shaking his head, “Not worth it.”

Jesse huffed a laugh, shaking his head. “I guess I should blame myself for this. I tried so hard to instill comradery in all four of you. Somehow it split into two groups, equally as hard to manage.”

“What do you need, Dad? I’m going hunting tomorrow, so maybe come back in a few days if you need deer,” Alex said. He shook his head.

“No, I had questions about that new friend of yours,” Jesse said, eying Alex. He tried his best not to react. “Forrest told me you had a dog and then you didn’t.”

“I had a dog for, like, two days. It was just one that was hurt and I patched up. He’s gone now,” Alex said, though he couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed. Then again, he knew his father was manipulative as hell. He was pretty sure Forrest had no idea of what his father might take from that little bit of information.

“And that man you were seen with. Where is he from?” Jesse prodded. Alex rolled his eyes.

“Seriously, Dad? You do get that the whole werewolf thing isn’t real, right? It’s a myth,” Alex said. Jesse didn’t buy it. Alex didn’t actually expect him to, but it was worth a shot.

“Both of you are playing with fire,” he said, looking between the two of them, “If I find out what I think I know is true… Both of you will suffer the consequences, do you hear me?”

And Alex heard him loud and clear. It was a simple threat. Stop or I’ll make you stop.

“Okay,” Alex said, “Goodbye.”

He slammed the door shut and locked it, both of them still unable to breathe properly until his truck was gone. It was nerve wracking.

“Alex,” Greg whispered, “I think we’ve dug ourselves into a hole we can’t get out of.”

Alex swallowed harshly and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm down. It was clear that the only alternative to stop or I’ll make you stop was to just leave. He either had to get rid of the wolves or get rid of the town.

And wasn’t that fucked. And, yet, it was simple.”

“I know a way out.”

-

“I feel bad.”

“Don’t.”

“I do.”

Alex held Michael from behind, pressing kisses to the back of his shoulder in an attempt to give him some kind of comfort. After Greg and Alex had talked for a while, they brought up the prospect of leaving the town to the wolves. They’d said it themselves, most of them left. Maybe it was time they did too.

“Maybe we could just go, just me and Izzy and Max. This is your home,” Michael said. Alex sighed and his chest ached at that. He didn’t really want to leave this cabin. It was his and had been passed down for generations. But now that he had confirmation of the beasts he’d been warned about his entire life, it didn’t seem right to stay.

Besides, what was this cabin standing for if not to inspire rebellion?

“I know that sounds like a good idea, but my dad knows we’re hiding something. Even if you leave, we’ve got a target on us,” Alex explained. It was, sadly, the complete truth.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” Michael whispered, that guilt so evident in his voice. Alex shook his head and craned his head over his shoulder to steal a kiss. Michael tried his best to reciprocate, but Alex knew he was hurting and it made it hard. “It’s all my fault.”

“No, it’s my dad’s fault for thinking genocide is a fun bonding activity,” Alex pointed out, “Besides, I promised I‘d keep you safe, right? Let me do that for you.”

Michael sniffled and nodded reluctantly. 

After speaking for the entire day after his father left, the plan was to pack everything up over the next two days and then get the fuck out of town. There was a tiny, woodsy tourist town a coupe states over that sounded appealing. They’d stay in a hotel for a few days until they found work and another cabin in the woods, hopefully one a little bigger so Alex could still keep his space. It would all work out. Probably.

It was funny to think that simply a month prior he never would’ve considered uprooting himself for someone else. But he guess he always did say that, when he found that person who was worth it, he’d know.

And he did know.

"Hey, look at me," Alex coerced and he opened his pretty eyes, "This isn't just because of you. This is right and wrong. He's wrong." 

"Yeah," Michael breathed, "Okay." 

"Let's get up and have breakfast and then we can start packing," Alex told him.

Michael was better once he got up and had Isobel and Max to talk to. He seemed to be reminded that their decision wasn't only about him. They both seemed to understand that, if their siblings hadn't been so directly involved, then maybe they would've decided against leaving. But it wasn't about their own safety, it was about the safety of the ones they loved.

Still, Alex itched for alone time and itched for things to go back to the way they were those three weeks where it was just him and Michael. It was calm and they fit. Now, though, Alex just had to deal with adjusting to socializing until he could find a new place to isolate.

He could do it. He did it for the first 16 years of his life.

Alex cooked for them, admittedly feeling a bit odd at Michael's lack of hovering. They'd only hooked up for the first time two nights ago, but Alex already felt more comfortable with him at his side when he was human. It had Alex wondering just how much of that was the wolf in him that made him addictive.

"I called a buddy of mine from out of town," Greg told him, hair slightly toussled from Isobel's hands more than it was sleep, "He said he could get us a job as farm hands out there for a little while. You think you can handle that?"

Alex nodded despite that being the last thing he wanted to do.

"We're looking for land too, right?" Alex clarified. He could take a little bit of working and living in close quarters, but he knew he'd be right back to being a pissy teenager if it was kept up too long. He needed to be alone.

"Yeah. How much do you have saved up? I was gonna go transfer my bank account so dad can't track us," he explained. Alex shrugged. 

"Few thousand. It's all in cash," he answered. Greg nodded as he absorbed that information.

"Okay. I'll see what I can do. It might take a little while to get self-sufficient," Greg said, "Property taxes 'n all."

The more Alex thought about it, the more he felt uncomfortable. He knew leaving was the right thing, he did. But he'd finally gotten to a good place.

"How about this," Alex said, "Once we get a cabin, I stay there and start a garden and hunt. You and Isobel can work since you like being around people." Greg gave him a stupid, older brother look. "Don't. I'll pull my weight and I'll work for awhile, but I can't do that forever or we're all fucked and you know it."

"Yes, but you're used to feeding yourself and maybe Michael. This is stepping up to five people."

"You seem to forget I fed the whole town every hunt. And Max prefers being a wolf, so he can feed himself," Alex pointed out. Greg sighed and nodded.

"I'll try to make it work, okay?" 

"Good."

Alex finished up and made all five plates, dispersing them. Michael took that as his opportunity to hover again and Alex loved it. He stood behind him, nuzzling his nose into Alex's jaw and giving his neck kissed in between bites. He felt so shameless and that was a wonderful feeling.

After they are, Greg, Isobel, and Max left to go pack up things from his house and deal with his bank account. It finally left Alex and Michael alone and Alex felt like he could finish fucking breathe again.

"I'm gonna miss this," Alex admitted as they walked into his bedroom, "Being alone with you all the time."

The plan was to pack, but Michael wrapped his arms around him and dragged him towards the bed. He didn't fight him, instead he just laughed and complied. Except it didn't turn into anything sexy. Michael picked up his brush and took it upon himself to brush Alex's hair before braiding it. Apparently all that intense watching wasn't mindless.

He tied the braid off and tugged him back a bit, pressing a kiss to his jaw. Alex turned into it, sealing the kiss easily. How had he gone all his life without those kisses?

“And you’re sure you won’t hate us for making you leave?” Michael clarified mid-kiss. Alex breathed him in.

“No. You’re just finally giving me an excuse to get away from my dad,” he admitted. Michael nodded and pulled him in for another kiss that quickly escalated into more.

Within the next two days, they found themselves all packed up and ready to go start anew. Alex’s heart broke a little knowing that he was leaving his cabin, but he told himself over and over that it was for the best. It was the only way to get away from his dad and all the shitty connotations that came with that town.

He was going to get away. He was going to breathe again.

He was finally free.

[oceanlix]

You’re Mine, All Mine

Pairing: Winwin x female Reader

Genre: Fluff, Smut

Word count: 2091

Soft puffs of air escaped his nose as he slept beside you, his hair falling across his face in an unfairly pretty way. Nobody looked good sleeping, but there he was, defying all the laws of nature like always. You didn’t want to disturb him; you knew he was exhausted from working late the previous night. But your fingers were on autopilot as they reached across the bed and landed on his cheek, feather-light. “Mmm,” Sicheng murmured, eyes still closed as he stretched his arms like a cat might. He propped his head up with one hand and finally looked at you with his dark brown eyes, as your fingers moved from his cheek into his hair. “Morning.”

Some days you couldn’t believe that your life was really yours. The process of getting to where you were had been so long and difficult at times, like an endless tunnel. But you were nothing else if not persistent, making it through all your daily struggles by sheer determination. It had paid off in the end.

You were now a manager in your company, working with a great team of people and making a decent amount of money that could pay for the necessary medical care that your aging father needed. You had a good core friendship group that cared for you and didn’t get involved in petty drama. You had a decent apartment to live in and a reliable car to drive; there was nothing left these days to cause you any kind of stress...except for maybe one thing. And his name was Sicheng.

It was a warm Saturday afternoon, the sun peeking in through the curtains in your bedroom. Rays washed softly across the bed, splaying across the bare back of the man beside you and creating the most perfect image. You almost wanted to grab your camera and capture it, but you wanted to keep the sight to yourself just a little bit more. There was nothing wrong with being selfish once in a while, you thought.

Soft puffs of air escaped his nose as he slept beside you, his hair falling across his face in an unfairly pretty way. Nobody looked good sleeping, but there he was, defying all the laws of nature like always. You didn’t want to disturb him; you knew he was exhausted from working late the previous night. But your fingers were on autopilot as they reached across the bed and landed on his cheek, feather-light.

“Mmm,” Sicheng murmured, eyes still closed as he stretched his arms like a cat might. He propped his head up with one hand and finally looked at you with his dark brown eyes, as your fingers moved from his cheek into his hair. “Morning.”

There was not a single doubt that you were in love with the man before you. You knew it like you knew your own name, but every time you met his eyes, the rush of emotions always took you by surprise. You would do anything he asked without question.

But he was also the one point of tension in your life. You could never get a proper read on him; he was so good at hiding his emotions that even your intuition was of no use to you. Did he love you too, as desperately and overwhelmingly as you did? Were you just filling a space beside him? Sometimes you thought you might know, but then he would turn around and do something to make you confused again. The worst part of it was that you knew his behavior wasn’t intentionally malicious; it was just how he was.

You were drawn out of your thoughts by the feeling of his lips pressing against your shoulder, his eyes gazing up at you. “What are you thinking about so intensely?” he asked against your skin, voice still raspy with sleep.

Honestly, you weren’t going to bring it up. You were both tired from a long work week and you didn’t want to break the spell of the weekend before it even got to start. But Sicheng’s gaze was so unusually open, the words just fell out of your mouth before you could even think to stop them.

“I can never tell with you,” you began, sucking your bottom lip between your teeth. His expression remained unchanged, but you could feel the question lingering in the air. “How do you feel about me? About us…this?”

It took a minute, but Sicheng slowly sat up, the blanket falling down around his waist and allowing the sun to touch even more of his skin. He gestured for you to sit up as well, maneuvering you into his lap when you did. One of his hands came up to cup your face, his other hand pulling you close until your forehead was touching his.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you have to ask, but I am,” he murmured, his thumb sweeping across your cheek slowly as he scanned your face with his eyes. “But I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love you with every bone in my body, Y/N.”

When he pressed his lips to yours, it felt like the sun was shining just for the two of you. Your whole body thrummed, singing a song of Yes, yes, this is the person I love, the end of my red string. It seemed stupid now that you could ever doubt Sicheng’s feelings for you, not when they were like a wave crashing over your heart.

Before you knew it, his hand had slipped down your back, under the blanket and between your legs. Your hips lifted up and your lips disconnected from his, a soft whine escaping from your throat. His other hand left your face and moved down to your hip to hold you while he crooked his fingers inside of you, drawing out more of your soft moans. Sicheng began to nip at your neck, moving down towards your collarbone with little scrapes of his teeth.

“Let me show you how much I truly love you,” he murmured, the pads of his fingers rubbing oh so slowly against your walls. His tongue lapped at the little marks he’d left as he made the rest of his way down to your breasts. “I won’t ever make you doubt me again.”

He took your left breast into his mouth, other hand coming up to roll your right nipple between his fingertips. All the while, he worked you over with his fingers so slowly you thought you might end up burning to the ground. It wasn’t fair how coordinated he was, how together he seemed while taking you apart like this.

Your own hands which had been gripping onto his hair until now had begun to move, one trailing down his chest and the other reaching for his cock. Sicheng barely reacted as you stroked him once, then twice, before he grabbed your wrist and pulled your hand away.

“This is all about me showing my love for you,” he said, curling his fingers inside you just enough to make your vision start to swim. You forgot what you had been trying to do, instead choosing to wrap your arms around his shoulders and bury your face against his neck.

You thought you might cry as his fingers suddenly left your warm center, a truly pathetic whimper escaping your lips as your hips tried to chase him. But you barely had a moment to be upset before his hands were gripping your hips and guiding you down onto his cock. It was almost too slow, but you could feel every vein against your walls, every subtle twitch when Sicheng almost lost control of himself. It felt like ages until he bottomed out, and then he was just still, holding you against him like you were the most precious thing on earth. And to him, that’s certainly what you were.

With one hand splayed against your lower back to hold you up, he began to slowly thrust up into your heat. It wasn’t a surprise that Sicheng liked to go slow; he had always loved to watch you fall apart whenever he slept with you, to see your facial expressions and hear your sounds. But it felt different; you could feel his heart through everything he was doing to you now. And it made you feel stupid for ever having doubted him, since it was becoming clear how much he really loved you with each passing minute.

You felt too helpless to do much else besides bite down on his shoulder, hugging him tighter. He forced his hand in between you once more, fingers beginning to rub over your clit while he slowly ground his hips up. His pace never changed, but you could feel yourself unraveling just the same, your moans getting louder and louder.

“That’s it, just like that,” he murmured, kissing the hollow of your throat. “How could I ever love anyone else when you’re so good for me? Taking my cock so well, making such pretty sounds...I don’t need anything else but this.”

His words were bringing you closer and closer to the edge, and now you were struggling to hold yourself up in his lap. His hands moved and gripped your ass as he helped pull your hips down to meet his, still at the extremely slow pace he’d begun with. How he could control himself, you would never be able to tell.

“Sicheng…” you moaned, hands twisting in his hair helplessly. He leaned up and took your earlobe between his teeth, one hand coming around to your front to cup your breast. You briefly met his eyes, and his gaze was so smoldering that it tipped you right over the edge. Crying out, you collapsed against him, letting him thrust up into you as you rode out your high.

Sicheng laid you down against the pillows, though you protested weakly. “What about you?” you asked, gesturing to his still hard cock. He shook his head, laying down next to you and propping his head up with his hand so he could see your face.

“I told you this was all about you,” he said.

“But I want to help,” you whined softly, reaching out and wrapping your hand around the base. He looked like he was going to protest for a moment, but then you flicked your thumb over the head and his eyes fell shut with a sigh.

“Only because I love you so much that I’d let you do anything to me,” he said. You giggled a little; of course he would say that as you’re jerking him off. But you knew what he meant anyway.

The sun was higher in the sky now and peeking through the window more. Sicheng had shifted back against the headboard, the crisp, white sheets surrounding him and making him look like an angel with the way the rays fell across his pale skin. It almost felt like you were at the altar of a church, making an offering to a god. You would worship this man any day of the week.

You were returning the favor by keeping the speed slow, your hand dragging up and down the shaft of his cock at a leisurely pace. But the difference was that you could barely keep your own composure. With the layer of sweat building on his chest and the way his eyes fell shut while his head lolled back against the pillows, warmth pooled between your thighs once again. You were amazed you got a few more strokes in before you couldn’t resist any more, your lips sinking down around the tip of his cock.

Sicheng’s eyes snapped open and he looked down at you hazily, his hand running through your hair before he thumbed across your lower lip, stretching it further around his dick. “You’re unreal,” he panted. He was losing his composure, you could see it. You sucked harder and cupped his balls in your hand, too impatient to keep at the slow pace any longer. You wanted to see him fall apart, and judging by the hitch in his breath, it wouldn’t be long now until you got your wish.

You pulled your lips off his dick and began mouthing at his abs, your hand wrapping tightly around the shaft as you jerked him quickly. Your eyes glanced up at his face as his breathing got more and more broken sounding, a grin forming on your face as you flicked your thumb over the head once again. His body spasmed slightly and warm, white fluid spilled over your hand, your strokes slowing down while he rode out his orgasm. When his eyes fluttered open and he looked down at you with a smile, you released him and crawled up next to him.

“Sicheng, I love you,” you told him, laying your hand over his heart. “More than anything.”

He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled the blanket over your hips, pressing his lips to your forehead sweetly. “I love you too, Y/N. Hopefully you believe me now?”

“Yes,” you sighed, letting your eyes fall shut as sleep raced towards you once more. “I do.”

[thermie]

For the meme! Norwegian Angelica, Pincushion, Pink, Primrose, Sunflower

Heyo! :)) Thanks for asking, and so many! I like sunflowers! And don't recognize any other flowers here! :D Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

Hmm, it's hard to be concise as I've had a complicated relationship with her to say the least. But I'm sort of trying to reach out intermittently (once in a couple months hah) again so that's something. But my mother is someone very in touch with nature and animals, she grew up in the countryside and is still very much a country girl as she now keeps goats, ducks, chickens, turkeys etc. She has told me that she has no need for antidepressants because she can just go to the forest, for example, which, well, shows both her medicine-hate and nature-love hah. She used to be very hardworking - she almost got a PhD in chemistry like my father but three kids and the house and a business was a bit too much to also write a thesis. Because of this and other things, she's.... currently I'd best describe her as horribly burnt out and depressed and self-depreciative. But she is easy to talk to, she will carry the conversation and she will tell her side eagerly and at least listen to yours - she both is probably lonely and has this need to be always presentable and talk to her family a bit like we're business partners she needs to convince which I used to hate, and she will tell you about how horrible she has it at the drop of the hat. When in a room with others, she will most often stay silent and listen, however, she used to say that she liked to just listen when me and siblings would talk. She has her own, mostly non-explicit ways of showing she cares, and you know, hey I managed to write a p alright summary that wasn't just unprocessed anger, yay for me. Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

Mm, I assume this deals with physical pain. I've been quite lucky thus far and have no chronic pains except the normal millenial achy knees sometimes. Since I already mentioned above that I grew up in a pretty anti-medicine household, I didn't use an ibumetin or paracetamol for anything not mirstamā kaite (dying sickness) until I was like... 19. So I just kinda, uh, waited it out I guess? Which is largely still the mode of action for me nowadays, though now I usually take ibumetin, that's about it. I always thought I deal with pain p well and have a high tolerance and I definitely am quite good at pushing myself through it when needed but really I'd rather I didn't have to feel that toothache while having to focus on the paper or smth. I actually had pretty strong period cramps a week or so ago that I usually don't get and then I just... took one ibumetin, finished off the research paper, took another ibumetin because holy shit, complained to friends, played assassins creed until the pain faded a bit and got back to studying :D Also re: mental pain, well, I've had 2 years of therapy to sort of help with that, and I find the thing that works most reliably to me is the schema therapy caring parent/vulnerable child thing, I just sorta. Listen to the pain and hear it and then console it. Be your own parent 2kforever.

Pink: Where is home?

Here!

It's quite a cozy flat in an... hm, middle class neighborhood, the owner never shows up and we just pay the rent in his debit card, he's chill with us paying it late and when our stove sort of implodes he comes and buys a new one! I also live with sis which is p great, since, as my therapist pointed out, we've been negotiating how to live in each other's spaces literally since birth so we know how to co-exist (I like my space perhaps more than others - I don't particularly enjoy having friends over and I like that we have sort of come to an arrangement of kitchen is talk space and our rooms are less so). I used to think I didn't get attached to places but now with potential talks of moving that didn't end up anywhere I got so afraid of losing this sense of stability, a place to jump from that I didn't have as solid before. It's my gremlin cave and yes there's mold growing in places that we're too lazy/tired to try to deal with, and sometimes we play chicken about who will cave and wash the dishes or take out the trash, but hey, it's my gremlin cave.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

Hah, I've actually been on and off daydreaming about winning a million euros in lottery (a pal's gotta dream, alright :D). And then the scenario goes a bit like buy a house with a garden that me and sis and poosssibly my friends would live in, get a car and driving license, travel a bit, stop working at my current job and just vibe for a bit before either moving to the deep countryside and being a farmer or working in businesses as an anthropologist for sense of accomplishement. In the 99.99% case I do not win the lottery, however, I think working in a place where I can both excercise my brain and feel smart and appreciated about doing it would be great, I'm lowkey considering working as an anthropologist if I can wrangle a vacancy in some place. I think I'd like to either continue my slow, slow ventures into writing, or, since I've realized I'm pretty fucking amazing at realizing other's mistakes instead of my own and giving constructive criticism :D go into editing work. But who knows. I mostly want to get enough money to have a bit of property and a garden and be able to sometimes travel, and then a nice job is a luxury. Still sometimes thinking of moving just deep deep into the countryside and buying chickens. But I won't really make much money that way alas. Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without? Mm, well the obvious basics of a roof over my head and food in my tummy tum tum, but besides that, I'd probably say my friends. Be weird old people together. Even if I do move or somehow lose my current friends, I still want to make connections with close friends bc well I find them neat. I don't make a great lonely person.