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sunnykeysmash · 2 years ago

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the structure, the "explosion", change and authenticity: a dissection of season 15

As usual I'm prefacing this post by saying these are my personal ramblings about always sunny meta so if you don't like to see that, then please move along.

When season 15 ended, I didn't end up analyzing it because my fixation had ended as well, so that's what I wanna do here, but in order to do that I have to touch on some themes that were heavily relevant in previous seasons but especially season 14.

I also want to properly explain why I've been calling season 14 "the last classic season of sunny", and why I think of season 15 as "a transitional season".

It seems weird, but I wanna start by talking about the season 13 episode, The Gang Escapes.

I've done a quick rewatch of s14 and 15 and the more I did that, the more I started to see Escapes like the predecessor for a lot of it.

So, in it, the gang is playing a game of escape rooms. They are trapped inside of Mac and Dennis' apartment, with only Dee knowing how to get out having done it before. Despite this, she is locked out, and is unable to help them. The boys separate and wrestle for a pair of heartshaped lock and key, and in the end, when they finally settle on how to open it, they discover that inside it says "And so the game begins".

The lock contains a ton of instructions on what to do next, but the gang quickly realizes they have run out of time and are unable to do them all, only for Dee to take the fall allowing them to win albeit in an unconventional way.

This episode reads to me like a cautionary tale on the fate of sunny.

Spending so much time on deciding how to do something or whether they should at all, that when they finally do it, they don't have the time to properly explore the choices they've made. As an example, this comes back with the concept of the seeds. In general, this is always touched upon whenever "imminent death" is explored, because it doesn't allow them more time to continue. This is often paired with a need to "go crazy/explode" by the end.

As a result, feeling constrained inside something and needing to get out before it's too late.

I'll elaborate more on all of this as we walk through s14/15, all the ways in which these themes come back, but for now I want to say that to me, this is likely how RCG has felt writing sunny sometimes: feeling too constrained/boxed inside the way they have always written it, that didn't allow them to branch out and explore the stuff they really wanted to "until the end", which in a way made them feel like sunny itself was the problem and made them consider ending it (aka cutting the head because the hair is a lie) to explore the stuff that interested them, rather than just... doing it while they have time, and being more loose with writing it in general (like how Gus said, the bible is a guidepost, interpretations can change over time).

As such, Escapes is an incomplete view on the situation, a negative one, it shows us what would happen if nothing gave in. Which isn't what happened in the end, but it's still important to keep in mind to read the rest of it.

This is, to me, why they even asked for four seasons in the first place. To have the time to properly explore all the things they wanted to touch on, with their new plan.

I'm gonna try to dissect every episode singularly (the ones I think are relevant anyway) and point out the connection in themes and what I think it all means. I tried to stay brief, believe me.

All in all, some of the themes I've found are as follows: the structure, death/catastrophe, running out of time/losing something (even disappointing an audience), change, and choices. They all apply to writing sunny.

Season 14

This season brings back a lot of stuff from past sunny. It seems s16 will do the same, but back when s14 was just airing, I remember this felt odd to me. Chokes is a direct continuation of dines out (with it being charlie and frank's anniversary dinner) and also calls back to mac's mom burns her house down and dennis system (with the whole poisoning someone so they can depend on you and nursing them back to health etc), poppins comes back, jackie denardo comes back (storm of the century, which also references bryan o' bryen), thundergun comes back, dee day (which is a continuation to mac day), global warming references Spies like US (the fish factory dudes), the waiter comes back... and so on. It felt like they were honoring the past.

But the reason why I consider it the last season of classic sunny, is because it's the one before change strikes. Many episodes seem to place us in front of an inescapable choice that leads to disaster. Some don't even offer a choice, just speak of imminent death.

The Gang Gets Romantic

Breaking this episode down, it's important because it introduces the whole concept of the "structure". A guideline, if you will, that the characters can either follow or stray away from. Throughout the two seasons we will see it redefined constantly, so it's important to understand what it is.

We are given two mirroring plotlines making use of this (romcom) structure. Frank and Charlie follow it pretty closely, and in the end they are rewarded with a romcom-y ending. Mac and Dennis stray from it, because they don't realize that the tropes are applying to the two of them, and in the end, their plans fail. This is actually counter to most other examples of structure that will be written later, and it shows us something important, which is that the structure can work if applied correctly and when appropriate.

So is the structure good or bad? Should it be followed? And what is it?

To me, the structure is a guide. It can aid you find what works on average, but it shouldn't lock you in. Exactly like structure in writing.

But it doesn't matter how you call it: the structure, the algorithm, god's plan, the bible, the base, the four walls encasing you, tradition; it's about something that gives you a foundation, but that you can branch out of, if needed. If your feelings tell you you should.

Multiple episodes will come to grips with this concept. Trying to run from it entirely, or embrace it to the point of almost doing things they don't want.

This is RCG's own struggle with understanding how to write sunny, and what sunny even is, hence why the main theme of season 15 is identity. How much can you stray from your core structure and still be yourself? How much before you don't even like where you're going? What defines you?

And in fact, a crucial theme in TGGR is falling back in love with something.

Pushing it away at first because you think you can get better than that or because you're bored of it, only in its absence to realize that it was already the perfect match. This is the charlie+frank/alexi+nikki plot (we'll be back in one year... covid aside, this is about the show returning and not ending), but it reflects season 15 in general (when you love someone, you can't bear to leave them behind).

Finally, "you think they're gonna give us a bad review?", hinting at the fear of how others will react.

Thundergun 4: Maximum Cool

The gang is selected to judge the sequel of a franchise they are big fans of. However, upon discovering the many changes applied to it (they're rebooting the franchise), they are disappointed and angered. In the end, Dee comes up with the plan that forces the franchise to go back to its roots, and the gang still doesn't support it.

So, how does this fit into our themes?

We have a franchise that has changed to the point of upsetting its fans.

We also have Dee once again being the key role in the story by coming up with the successful plan.

We have talk of a powerful formula that could destroy millions of lives in the wrong hands.

We have change seen as scary and upsetting, and we have talk of "rebooting the franchise".

Most importantly:

"Sometimes, in order to save something, you have to destroy something. And I think I know what we have to do to save Thunder Gun."

"Destroy it?"

This will plateau with Big Mo with its fake ending, but it speaks to the larger theme of considering ending sunny to get to the stuff they want to explore, only to realize they can explore it better if they start now and give themselves more time and just stay looser with the structure.

This is a talk they actually had with Larry David (who will be referenced as Larry Takashi later, creator of Fun Zone laser tag).

"McElhenney continued, “He (Larry David) said, ‘Don’t be an idiot. Never stop. Just keep doing it. One, because it’s the greatest job you could ever want and two, because if you do a final episode they’ll just destroy you for it.’”"

Around the same time, another article came out where Glenn mentioned wanting to follow Curb Your Enthusiasm's model.

"So with all these other projects, like last year, I'm sure you've talked now and again about ending the show for good." G: "We talked about it. At a certain point, we might look at this and go “Yeah, we did it and it's time to move on,” and all that kind of stuff. But I think at the same time the way I see it, we're more like a band than a show now, where we all go off into our side projects, but like, this is the band, and if we feel like putting out another album, we'll put out another album. At this point, it doesn't really make sense to end the show in any official capacity. It's possible that moving forward we move to sort of like a Curb Your Enthusiasm model if we can get away with it. Larry David actually pulled Rob aside at some kind of a function and told him "One piece of advice I'll give you guys: Don't ever end the show. Just don't end it!” I think he figured that out after Seinfeld. I think he was really burned out. But with Curb he knows he might want to come back to it years down the line."

Keep in mind, when these two articles came out, season 15 had not even been written yet. Despite this, me and others started speculating that A. the seasons would return whenever instead of each year; B. each season would follow a story arc.

Seasons got shorter (and point A may still happen), and season 15 ended up following a story arc.

Finally, Dennis once again places us in front of a choice by saying "give me dong, or give me death", implying those are the only two options the franchise has.

Dee Day

There is a choice that has to be made by vote, and the gang is trying to sway the results. In the end Dee hatches a successful plan that just so happens to have the same outcome wanted by the gang in the first place.

We start with them stretching (irony not lost on me 😭) to stay loose because they're preparing for the plan.

"Can we just start?"

"No, we can't just start, okay? Preparation is the key to victory."

Reminds me of Chokes:

"Yeah, but can we just, like, play already?"

"No, we can't just play, Charlie. We can't just play."

"Are you insane?! We can't just play!"

Again getting lost on the how, on preparation, instead of starting. Arguing instead of opening the lock.

Additionally, it's said that Dee wants to do a whole retrospective of her characters. It fits with what S15 has done so far.

Still, we are shown Dee pulling the strings even when it comes to directing the characters.

"And like all great plays, this one is going to have a happy ending."

The Gang Chokes

Frank almost chokes to death during their dinner. Charlie admits he almost let him die because he was mad at him for "interrupting him". At the same time, Mac is taking all his cues to act from Dennis, even in drastic situations, instead of showing that he can make his own decisions, which is what Dennis really wants.

"I would've stepped in, but, of course, I was taking my cues from you." "Why?" "Well, you didn't tell me whether I should save him or not." "But why?" "I mean, why do I still have to tell you what to do?" "And why is it up to me to decide whether or not you're going to save a man's life?"

Being able to make your own decisions depending on what you want to do, instead of always following someone else's directions, regardless of what the outcome is...

"So you were still gonna rely on a decision that somebody else made, only, this time, you were potentially gonna kill a man?"

Dee also starts living on the edge of life and death because it gives her a thrill, but ultimately experiences true death and realizes there is nothing on the other side.

Frank goes to live with someone else (the waiter), but in the end realizes Charlie was already perfect for him. Once again, breaking out and almost ending things only to see all he already had in the end, because Charlie apologizes to him.

And Mac learns to make his own decisions instead of depending on others. Like the structure meta.

The Gang Texts

The bananas thing with the gorilla.

"I sit there, eat a banana real slow, and he comes up to the glass, and he's banging on the glass like the dumb ape he is."

"It will bang its hands bloody trying to get the banana."

"How is that funny?"

"It's funny 'cause he can't get the banana."

Just like the seeds in s15, it's about writing, or rather questioning the way they have written things in the past. Frank insists withholding the wanted thing is hilarious, and Charlie questions it.

Like in Still in Ireland:

"Oh. I should eat it again. Then it would be funny 'cause I didn't learn my lesson."

"No, that wouldn't be funny. It'd just be kind of dumb, you know."

Deriving humor from the characters never learning their lesson, being beaten down by the narrative, never getting what they want. Which is a key component of the classic sunny structure. The meta is questioning it, probably because there's many things RCG wants to do that would go against this. Just like the Shelley arc in s15, after all.

In the end, the characters are allowed to understand each other, looking each other in the eyes as the circle of life plays.

The Gang Solves Global Warming

Talk of an imminent crisis. People are gonna revolt soon (like the audience for Thundergun), and the bar (which has often been used as meta to represent the show) doesn't have enough resources to accomodate everyone.

"We didn't have enough to accommodate the people that were here before, and now it seems like we've doubled in size and we just don't have enough."

"Where is your God now?"

"He will reveal himself at some point."

"Oh. Well, is he gonna do it before all these people revolt and destroy the place?"

"I don't know, Frank. I don't question God's will. If he wants to destroy the Earth, that's on him. I support it!"

Could refer to both RCG's burnout as well as not having enough time. Either way, it leads to disaster.

Mac talks about God's plan, something that is predetermined and thus cannot be changed.

"Guys, we don't really have to worry about global warming, because... yes, is the Earth getting unbearably hot? Of course it is. But it's all a part of God's plan. Look, if God wants to roast us like turkeys, there's got to be a good reason for it."

Mac acknowledges that the plan that is locked in is leading to a horrible unbearable outcome, but still insists there's nothing they can do to change that ending.

"See? It's all a part of his divine plan, Dennis. And that's locked in, so we're good."

"Okay, so all we have to do is nothing?"

"No. No, because... we have free will, Dennis, which means that we have to take the necessary steps to make sure that that plan comes to fruition."

"Which is predetermined."

"Yes."

"But it doesn't matter what we do if it's all predetermined. You see how your argument... doesn't make any sense?"

Just like the structure, this plan doesn't allow the characters to change anything, and it only leads to eventual doom. Or imminent death.

Paddy's Has a Jumper

There is a man who wants to end his own life on the roof of Paddy's, and the gang uses an algorithm to try to determine whether they should do something about it.

So there is a threat of imminent death, and through the algorithm (like the structure), they have to decide how to proceed, only the algorithm eventually leads them down a path they are not fully comfortable with, pushing Bryan off of the roof.

The episode starts with them watching an episode of a show on TV, and being surprised by a twist (a marriage proposal... thinking of dennis' shell that can only be broken by marriage... anyways). The algorithm decided they would like this show, but we learn at the end that they didn't (once again, the audience revolting, whether it be thundergun fans or patrons at the bar).

At the same time, it's repeated that this algorithm takes the emotions out of decisions:

"So, guys, I think I have a way that we can solve this argument without human emotion mucking it all up."

"I don't need your opinions. Okay? 'Cause based on the analytical conclusions that we draw here, we're gonna be able to come up with a mathematically-accurate, non-emotional answer to all of our questions. Okay? We just need to think like a computer."

"Well, it still feels a little weird, but feelings are irrelevant in the face of facts. Is that what I'm hearing? The feelings... feelings just get in the way."

I remember when this episode aired, people interpreted Cricket getting the casaba melon in the end as David Hornsby writing the finale of the season, Big Mo. The casaba representing the show, plus the talk of "helping Bryan die" and "crashing the casaba melon" with him catching it sounded a lot like "ending sunny", which plays both into Big Mo tricking us into thinking sunny was ending, and later acting like the finale to classic sunny. One last season following the old structure before RCG allows themselves to change things up in way that could be risky in fan reception.

This whole episode, with the discussion on Bryan, the egg, and the casaba, reads like RCG deciding on what to do with the show. Do we end it? Do we change it? What makes the most sense vs what do we want to do?

"And then we could be known as a suicide bar, and that's no good." "I don't want to be that." "Yeah, kind of grim." "I'd probably take my business elsewhere." "You don't have business." "What, uh, what if you lean into that, though?" "Like, you don't make it grim, but you make it playful."

This decision they keep hinting at could shift the tone of the show forever, and potentially "drive away business".

So they want to try to decide on it by sticking to what works mathematically, in this case the algorithm, however... it doesn't reflect their feelings.

"Uh, yeah, I know, but mathematically we were supposed to kill a man today."

"Maybe that's, like, part of the problem of, like, taking the humanity out of decisions."

"Perhaps the science just isn't there yet."

When it comes to exploring the canon of sunny, there is a lot that, if the normal sunny structure were to be used, would never be explored in an emotionally satisfying way, which is what RCG ultimately wants to do. I remember when Mac Finds His Pride first came out, Rob kept insisting "the characters change, but they don't evolve", and when faced with so much criticism about the episode not feeling like sunny, he answered that "he decides what feels like sunny, because he's the writer".

I quote:

"What was the reaction like to your epic dance number in the season 13 finale?

MCELHENNEY: It was both negative and positive, which is one of those things we talked about. It’s great to surprise people and have them not have any idea what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. I have people saying, “Oh my God, I love this, it’s one of the best things you’ve ever done,” and then I have other people saying, “You’ve destroyed my show, you’ve ruined it.” And I’m like, “Great!” That’s exactly what we should be doing on the show, is we should be destroying somebody’s idea of what Sunny is on a regular basis. OLSON: It was kind of weird just how many people would just blatantly comment on his body and to me, and we were like, “What would happen if they were commenting on my body to you? Like, ‘Ahh, Kaitlin’s chest…’” MCELHENNEY: A lot of people didn’t like it. Because a lot of people felt like it didn’t fit into the lexicon of what the show is. And I can’t say that they’re wrong, but the difference is that I get to dictate what the lexicon is and they don’t, and that’s a part of the experience."

This episode is also where a lot of explosion talk happens, with Mac and Dennis mentioning they crave it, and the way they want to reach it is by destroying the casaba melon (which as we've established represents sunny).

In the end, it's discovered it's where Frank hides his weed ("I don't think you have to hide it, man"), and Frank reveals it's also "full of loads".

A Woman's Right To Chop

An episode fully about choices and their perceived life altering consequences. Dennis and the rest of the boys want to control what other women decide to do with their hair, Dee defends their right to do it. There's talk of tradition and "upsetting the natural balance of things". The tradition thing will be brought up again in the finale of s15.

I wonder if Poppins could also be considered a metaphor for the show itself. Very old, but full of potential new life that, if let out, could kill them.

Either way:

(Talking of Keri Russell) "Millions of adoring fans, hit television show, you know, and then she went and did this." "Shocking, isn't it? With this one tragic decision, Keri Russell alienated all of her fans, she got her show canceled, and man, she was never heard of ever again."

Frank's talk about cutting all of his hair and losing it forever due to this drastic decision also fits. Burping from his backed up valve due to missing what he lost, the hair that never grew back ("And you're not just giving up being at the top of the leaderboard at some, you know, laser-amusement-themed park, man, you're talking about giving up everything. Everything. Everything we built. Everything we worked so hard for.").

Waiting for Big Mo

And we're finally at the finale for season 14. This episode was structured to trick the audience into thinking the series was ending with its walking out. Not only that, but it's a key episode for meta interpretation of these two seasons.

"Time to end the game" echoes Escapes' "And so the game begins". Because it references the same thing, the game being the show itself.

This is reinforced by the gang saying "it feels like they've been playing it forever", "they never win anything" and that "they get to go crazy at the end of it".

But if the game is sunny, what is the base they're trying to defend? That is the structure.

"Just guard the base, man."

"Kind of sick and tired of guarding the base. What if we go out there, run around? I want to go out there and have some fun, man."

"We gotta guard the base. That's what we always do, and that's what we figured out works a long time ago. Plus, we're waiting for Big Mo."

Dennis is desperate to hold the base and protect it because it's what they've always done, and because Big Mo is threatening to take their place on the leaderboard.

If they were to go out, run around and explore, they would go down the leaderboard, and that is exactly what happens.

"Oh, Charlie, you got to get out there with us. It's so fun. We're finding all kinds of corners of this place that we've never explored before."

"Yeah, I'd love to, I really would, but we're actually... we're losing right now."

An article from season 13 times about "Mac Finds His Pride" reads:

“Some of the uncharted waters, if you want to call them that, were genuine emotion,” Day said on a 2018 Television Critics Association panel. “Once we stumbled on the episode becoming more about Frank being more tolerant and accepting something, we thought, well, this is something we haven’t really done. Our characters rarely change or learn.”

To me, this dissatisfaction is something they felt for a while, and the first time they started really having fun with it again was when they decided to have Mac come out, in Hero or hate crime specifically. That is, because until then, the characters being incapable of change was part of the structure of the show. Something that allowed no wiggle room. But the audience making themselves heard after Goes to hell came out showed them it didn't have to be that way, necessarily.

It didn't come without struggle though, this interview from TheWrap reads:

GLENN HOWERTON: "He’s out (Mac). It’s definitely a big deal for us. I never thought we would do that. … I was against it at first, and the reason I was against it was his character has always been an opportunity to satirize a particular attitude, that still sadly exists, that there’s something wrong with being gay. And I think that it was important to me at least to maintain that level of social satire which is such a big part of the show to me: taking an attitude, taking a point of view that exists in our society, and giving it to one of our characters and sort of blowing it out of proportion. Watching the inevitable outcome of the most extreme version of that point of view. That’s always been my M.O. in terms of the writing of the characters. And to me there was always such a darkly comical and sad element to having this character continue to deny his own sexuality because of the societal pressures that he put on himself… that he had internalized. So I never wanted him to come out of the closet because I thought that to me is… showing just how deep that mentality goes. And despite all the evidence and despite all the support of his friends, the man will still continue to deny his sexual orientation. But then I got to a point where I realized, I’m holding too hard and fast to that rule. And I think we have made plenty of jokes in that arena. We’ve satirized that to death. What sort of possibilities does it open up when that character finally does come out of the closet? Which is why we decided to have him come out once and for all."

Mac coming out forced RCG to reassess to which level the characters were in fact allowed to change.

This article from 2019 has him saying:

“we wanted to make sure that even though the characters might change, they don’t evolve. We wanted to make sure that he (Mac) doesn’t become a better person or a sweeter person or more endearing person or a nicer person. We felt like we wanted to still keep the tone. So I would say, in all the right ways, things remain exactly the same.”

And the amount of change the show as a whole was allowed was something they've grappled since, and something I'm pretty sure caused Dennis Double Life (I mean, Dennis being mindnumbingly bored at how everything stays exactly the same - like his own apartment - but running away at the possibility of change, with the RPG "on the table"...).

Anyway, during the whole episode, the others keep wanting to quit the game for good, because the way Dennis is making them play is miserable, and they'll only be allowed to have fun at the end.

"I actually got an idea. Like, what if you guys don't play the game up in the air ducts this time, but you go down on the floor? Where everyone's having all the fun?"

"They look like they're having so much fun playing laser ta..."

"Will you shut up?! This isn't about having fun. Okay? This is about staying alive and winning."

Dennis (in true double life fashion from him...) places this dilemma like an impossible choice: either you stay alive, miserable, and win, OR you have fun and eventually Big Mo (imminent death) gets you, and you're forgotten. He doesn't see the answer in the middle, which Charlie is quick to point out: playing the game AND having fun with it, not caring how it affects "how well they're doing".

Eventually Dennis learns about what really happened to Larry Takashi (aka Larry David), and the whole gang, for a moment, agrees to "end the game", aka end the show. This was obviously a fake show ending, finishing with them saying "they're never going anywhere". But why is that? Because instead of guarding the base, they decided to play by their own rules.

As such, Big Mo still acts like a show finale, to what Sunny was prior to this decision.

This brings us to...

Season 15

Introduced with the trailer description as "new era, same egos",

Predictably, this season ends up "breaking the bounds" of philly, to travel all the way to Ireland. As Big Mo had announced, they "went out to explore"... but literally.

What happens next is the natural first step of exploration, aka reassessing your own identity.

Season 15 isn't the "franchise rebooted" just yet, it is experimentation. Experimenting with how far they can push things, getting comfortable with the new structure (of a season arc, and otherwise).

With an end comes a new beginning, and a question, what is sunny now?

So, the theme of identity touches every single character on its own, each with their personalized arc that ends with the character coming out changed in some way. This is why to me season 15 is transitional. The show, the characters, are finding new footing. This is especially true for Dennis, whose character has been intrinsically linked to sunny meta for a while now, but I can't fully get into that here (or I would derail the section. I get into it later a bit. also I have gotten into it before tho, though the post is slightly old so some parts may not hold up).

Some characters attempt to cling to their roots, others run from it.

All in all, this season challenges each character on one fragment that always defined their identity, and has them come out of it with a new understanding.

As a matter of fact, this is, to me, the first season where all the characters are actually allowed to develop.

Trying to keep to the point before we get into each episode, here is the arc that each character goes through:

MAC: At first, he is compartmentalizing his own identity. Depending on what he feels is the dominant one, he feels he has to act accordingly, and every single decision is dictated by this. He places great importance on his irish roots, when all of a sudden, this belief is challenged when it is "discovered" that he's "actually dutch". This sends Mac into a spiral, trying to determine what really defines him now that his roots are out of the question. He can't reconcile the fact that different aspects can coexist in a singe person, hyperfocusing on one at a time. Until it's revealed in the finale that he is in fact irish, and Dennis and Charlie tricked him. ("So you thought you'd just unravel my entire identity?" "Nothing's unraveled! We didn't unravel anything! You're still you! You've always been you!"). So what does Mac gain from this arc? Another shamrock tattoo... no, I'm kidding, he gains security in his own identity outside of outside validation. For a moment he experienced what it was like to have everything you thought you knew about yourself be shattered, and what it gave him was an awareness that you're still you even in the face of change, and a determination to stand his ground. All in all, to me, his character is the one who actually changed the least (makes it counterproductive that I'd talk about him first...), which is why season 15 throws him for a loop. RCG already had him where they wanted as far as development goes at the start, due to the fact he was allowed to develop in past seasons as well, so what they did instead was bring him back to a previous point, reawakening his insecurity in his identity. He thought he knew pretty well who he was, until he didn't. And then he's sure again. What this did was have him see that it really didn't matter in the end, he was always him. Another thing this arc did was set him free from his dad's shadow for a moment, as he got another last name. That's because, as the gelled back hair would remind you, he's always looked up to and wanted to prove himself to his father. As MFHP marks the climactic point of Mac trying desperately to have his dad understand his identity, and failing, Jumper shows us that he still thinks of his name in a positive light or at least tries to defend it still ("My dad's name is an homage."), like he's still in denial. In a way, by assigning him the Vandross last name for a while, he was allowed to cut ties with his own name and exist as someone else, only to come to the conclusion that nothing really changed about himself, and he shouldn't stress about identity so much.

DENNIS: In many ways, Dennis' arc is the foil to Mac's. Unlike Mac, Dennis doesn't want to hear a single thing about identity. He doesn't think it should play a role in the decisions you make at all, in fact he thinks no action you take can ever define your identity, and you are whatever the hell you say you are, regardless of where your heart's taking you. Now, on some level, his argument may appear reasonable, or at least more grounded than Mac's. It's true, "Identity doesn't have to factor into absolutely every decision you make.", and you do have power over how you define yourself at the end of the day. Dennis being Dennis, however, we all know the extreme to which he's taking this. He is drowning in denial. Refusing to accept reality at every turn. He doesn't have covid, he's just allergic to sheep wool, and the castle looks great, it's not decrepit. So, Dennis starts the arc with one main ambition: have an authentic experience. He's obsessed with things being true, being tampered with. This is also a season theme, in general (the burning of the shredded documents for example), which again plays into how Dennis meta is almost always show meta as well, but I digress. He forces himself to do things the european way, effectively running away from his roots entirely. The opposite of Mac. Throughout the season however, things escalate. He gets worse, and he starts doing things the old way regardless (like driving the wrong, but right for him in philly, side of the road). It reads like he's trying to negate his actual authentic nature, while being driven insane by the perception of others doing this as well. He wants things to feel authentic, he just can't figure out how, because he can't see as he's blinded by all the denial that's literally almost killing him (you could say he's been trying to pull the wool over our eyes...). It's hard to define in this arc which exact aspect of his identity is challenged, because it's all of them. As the finale states, his whole "essence" is broken, his back, you know, the structural foundation of every person, ("You've always said that your back has the symmetry of the Vitruvian man, and it's the foundation of your structural essence.") the structure of the show, the structure of Dennis. This is another way in which it is a foil to Mac, as he is already secure and open about who he is exactly, while Dennis denies all of it. They're like opposite extremes for how to tackle the structure, and the answer of course lies in the middle. (wink. see I told you it's impossible to write impartial sunny meta, because macden is intrinsic to it... anyway). By the end of his arc however! Dennis has admitted to himself that he had covid. Almost dying from sheer denial gave him enough of a scare to cut that out, if you will, and I can't tell you what the new Dennis will be like or what he has gained besides the lack (or decrease) of denial, because his change is the most fundamental. He will probably be further redefined in season 16. All his identity was impacted.

DEE: This one's easy, what is something that has always defined Dee's identity, to everyone and herself? (Clip Show: "Dee, are you a successful actress?" "Oh, I could have been." "Dee, be serious! Yes or no?" "No.") Since always, she has wanted to be an actress. Finally, she gets the once in a lifetime opportunity to be just that. Earlier in the season, it is hinted especially with her acting classes that what he really wants is to have power and control. This of course echoes what we've seen of her in season 14 (and prior), she comes up with the plans, pulls the strings, prefers to be the director. However, what does an actor do? Follow orders and directions. Previously, she fell into this role due to her search for validation. This is shown with her literally begging the director to have a role. Her arc shifts her character from looking for others' directions, permission and validation to gaining agency (which even echoes thundergun 4! "So, you... you want the female characters to have less agency?") by crushing the possibility of her becoming an actor, her last chance, all the while showing her how miserable it truly is to have to follow everyone else's lead. Anyway, now that the actor fragment of her identity is put to rest, she is free to redefine herself and take charge. Additionally, Sinks in a Bog may have also started a thread to redefine the way she sees female allyship, in fact I think it was the central theme of the episode for her. Thinking back to Making Paddy's Great Again, she was willing to get rid of a perfectly fine new gang member in favor of Dennis, just because she was a woman which made her feel threatened. In Thundergun 4, similarly, she feels threatened by the new female character, and wants other women to be below her, is always in competition with them. Bog puts her in a situation of need where only the Waitress, another woman, can help her. In the end, she lets the Waitress sink in order to get out, but the episode still forces Dee to face a situation in which women working together is the only viable way to get out of trouble. I don't think this specific arc is finished yet for her, but I wanted to mention it still.

FRANK: Another easy one. Thanks to MFHP and the discussion surrounding it by RCG, we know that the role of Frank in the gang is that of surrogate father. However, just because we the audience know, does not mean he does. Frank as a character dismisses responsibilities such as "being a dad". He may show the occasional tender affection towards Charlie, but those moments are far in-between, and when asked if he's Charlie father, he has run from it in the past. We, like him probably, always assumed in the end that he was indeed Charlie's biological dad, despite the lack of test. Season 15, of course, puts a wrench in all of this. This is the fragment of Frank's identity that gets challenged, his fatherhood. Not just to Charlie, but to Dennis as well, which he ends up treating as a "rebound son" and bonding with while he is separated from Charlie. Frank has always kept people at a distance, and almost losing Charlie reminds him to treasure what you have, otherwise you run the risk of losing it. By the end of the season he's almost flipped, in that he is willing to show Charlie that he is "useful", to make himself worthy of being in his life, instead of expecting it. What he gained, in my opinion, is feeling comfortable with the idea of being a father. Actually wanting it. Finally stepping into the role of "the gang's surrogate dad" that has been preannounced ever since MFHP. So that's how his identity was impacted. Not saying he's gonna become dad of the year, just that he's now open to seeing of himself as a dad at all.

CHARLIE: He is the protagonist of the season, the one that gets to have the big emotional beat of the finale, and as such I've left him for last here, because there's more to chew on. Charlie isn't setting out to do anything when he arrives in Ireland. He's pretty content in how things are and who he is, he's just along for the ride... or so he thinks. By finding out the existence of his actual biological dad and meeting him, he is confronted with a whole world of... everything he's ever wanted. Suddenly, what he had before doesn't cut it anymore. He wasn't looking for this, but as he stumbles on it, he realizes quickly that it's everything he's been missing out on his whole life. He wants to start fresh with his dad, wants to learn more about his roots, he is ready to abandon the life he thought he was content in, because he sees how incomplete it actually was. Only... that's not how life works. You cannot alter the past. You can only impact the future. ("The first time round is a bitter pill, but the second chance is better still") He cannot make up for all the lost time and chances, because his dad dies. ("You weren't there! And I needed you! I needed you there. You were supposed to carry me!") The finale says it best: "I'm glad you're dead. Now I don't have to spend the rest of my life waiting for you to pick me up." Charlie, like Dee, is allowed to move on from a fragment of his identity that was weighting him down. He's allowed to let go of his need to know who his real dad is, and is rewarded with the knowledge that he does have people who care for him despite everything. His identity is thus also redefined: he's no longer waiting to know who his "real" dad is, because he knows what makes family real.

In a way, this is the "Big Mo" we'd been waiting for. Despite the apparent negative outcome of the trip overall, the team underwent successful arcs that ended with them all together in the bar, deciding to go back up there on that mountain and help Charlie finish the job ("No hesitation, no surrender, no man left behind!"). Just like a sports team getting "in the zone" and starting a winning streak by working together really well.

So, lets get into the episodes.

2020: A Year in Review

Talk of wanting to set off fireworks in the bar to celebrate.

Obviously, this refers to how sunny passed the record as longest running sitcom with its fifteenth season, but let's also look at the dialogue:

"What if we let off some fireworks in here, huh?"

"Fireworks in the bar?"

"It's never been done before. Right? That could be kind of good, right?"

"You'll burn the place to the ground."

The kind of explosion Charlie wants to set off because "it's never been done before" (echoing Big Mo... exploring new things) could potentially destroy the bar... which, as always, is a metaphor for the show.

The evergreen bar = show metaphor doesn't stop here however.

The gang is expecting a "huge potential investor" and they're gonna try to ask him for a loan for Paddy's pub.

In the past year they've asked for, and gotten, plenty of them for their own little side ventures/failing businesses, and now they want one for their main thing, the bar.

He's not there to give out PPP loans though, what the guy is actually there to do is collect on the ones already given.

Here's how I interpret this. Think of every season a show is given, as a small loan of a set number of episodes that they will then use to tell their story.

Throughout the years, sunny has been given plenty of these, and rarely has it used them to explore a lot of canon, because of the structure of the show that didn't really allow for it.

This is the same sentiment as Escapes, the fear of not being allowed more time, more seasons, to actually do all the stuff they want to do, that they were saving for "the end".

Because as the man hears all the ways in which they have wasted the previous given loans, he obviously doesn't give them another one for their actual main business venture.

So, Mac and Dennis decide to get involved with the election, and as such their loan is for tactical gear, but they end up getting sidetracked entirely, running their own separate poll where people get to vote, while also getting back to their initial thing of singing together.

"Now, the labeling... in hindsight, was a bit obtuse and created a great deal of confusion."

"It kind of backed up the whole system."

"Right. Yeah, there was a whole kerfuffle... I don't know if you remember this... about, like, what votes were supposed to be counted and what votes aren't gonna be counted. And are these legitimate votes, are these not legitimate votes? What's this, what's that? I mean, we put our boxes all over the damn place. So, you know, we created a mess."

This ep also has the whole running out of materials thing that Global Warming did for when Charlie and Dee are making masks and it's hard to meet the demand.

"Um, so, hey, listen, um, listen, we really do believe that with a major cash infusion, we could turn this bar into something..."

"No, no, no."

"...even more successful than it already..."

Thankfully, as we've covered, they managed to get four seasons, I'd say that's a pretty big loan that can only be justified if you have some sort of plan... to "turn this show into something even more successful than it already is".

Or perhaps just to do something so altering that it's potentially show ending, without the fear of getting cancelled immediately.

The Gang Makes Lethal Weapon 7

As this episode has the gang directing a set, it's easy for some elements to mirror the making of sunny, as that's the intended thing in the first place. (stuff like "We could make this more of an art house film. I'm open to it.", whereas in Thundergun 4, their role was that of the audience, which is why there Mac goes "I hope they don't show us some boring art house movie.").

There's talk of a big bang, "I'm sick of getting jerked around, I'm ready to explode".

They start to redefine who the "villain" of the story actually is, something that will also come up later in Mac's discussions about God with Gus. The concept of a vengeful God set out to send a catastrophe to smite and punish them. Like Global Warming. An imminent death, in this case in the form of a tidal wave, an act of God.

I think it's interesting how throughout these seasons, this talk of a "big event", an explosion, is both talked of as a huge catastrophe, yet something that is deeply craved.

Reminds me of Chop, again:

"They're clearly bored and lonely and needing to do something extreme in order to make themselves feel special." "Take this one for example. You don't get a monkey cut like that unless you're broken inside."

A chop, an action that's so drastic it could potentially destroy everything they've built...

"Out of the smoldering ashes, however, I pieced together a cautionary tale. An exploration, not of what is gained by learning, but of what is lost by staying ignorant."

They can't change the past (the first time round is a bitter pill), but they can embrace the future (the second chance is better still), taking what feels like "smoldering ashes" and exploring the lost potential that staying ignorant left them with. In the case of season 15, Charlie couldn't stay with his father and all he was left with was the missed chances ("You weren't there! And I needed you! I needed you there. You were supposed to carry me!"), but in the midst of this, Frank learned the importance of his role as a father (and then we find new seeds to sow, to grow our love we didn't know).

The Gang Buys A Roller Rink

As always, the bar = show metaphor makes a reappearance.

This one is packed, but to summarize, this as well is about falling back in love with something. Or rather... the first half of it. The falling out.

Imagine you've been with something your whole life, you start forgetting why you kept choosing it to stay in your life (reminds me of dennis being asked by he lives with mac in clip show...), you slowly grow bored of it as you realize that it has never changed. You've kept it exactly the same.

You think that means something has to change, something has to give.

You fantasize about how different things could be... that's the roller rink. The roller rink serves the same purpose as them going to Ireland... going as far away from their base as possible, because of this need for change.

Except...

"Don't it always seem to go That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone? They paved paradise and put up a parking lot"

Once again, the implication being that they stuck with it for so long for a reason. The show, that is. Or the bar.

But that's not all this episode talks about to me.

Because it shows the gang acting very uncharacteristically, especially in regards to Dee.

"You know, Dennis looks like Jerry Seinfeld."

"Thanks, man. Yeah, that's kind of what I was going for."

"I don't like how mean they are to each other on that show."

"Aw, Sweet Dee. So pure of heart. You know?"

"Hey, when you going to Hollywood, Dee?"

"Tomorrow. Yeah, this is my last night in Philly. I'm actually super nervous."

"Oh, you got nothing to be nervous about."

"No, you're gonna do great out there, sis. They're gonna love you. You just have so much natural charisma, and you're so funny."

"Such a good-hearted person. Guys, thank you so much for not making fun of the size of her feet. They're very big."

"Oh, no, dude. I would never make fun of her physical attributes."

"Look at her go, man."

"Yeah, she's really flying, huh? Imagine if she didn't have to slow down for her friends."

"She doesn't have to. No, no, no. I... When she asked me to tighten her skates, I secretly loosened them, you know, 'cause real friends don't slow each other down, right? They help them soar."

These are all very "unsunny" moments typically ("I need their aggression at a ten"), especially in the context of the episode where we're meant to read the roller rink stuff kind of as anti-sunny... but something sticks out to me, and it's the last example I brought up.

Normally, it wouldn't fit the sunny structure, and yet we know that's not true, or at least... not anymore. Not always. They did come back for Charlie in the finale.

This is also lampshaded in Goes to Ireland:

"That's exactly what we did."

"Because we wanted to be supportive."

"No, you didn't!"

"Because we are always there for each other."

"No, we're not!"

"Right, guys?"

"In good times and in bad."

It's possible that's one way in which the previous structure didn't allow RCG to do what they really wanted to. Because the gang is not supposed to be there for each other normally, we know this, and yet it's been happening more and more in recent seasons.

Anyway, by having the roller rink part feel so unlike sunny, I think it's yet again addressing this fear that changing too much could lead them to... that. To straying too far away from what they had, only to find out it was already perfect.

Not to mention, they only get into this discussion at all because they just found out the roller rink is closing down.

"I mean, you know, doesn't quite have the same pageantry as a roller rink, but, uh..."

"Well, there's a palpable sadness in here."

This concept of pageantry coming back from A year in review.

"This guy's a huge potential investor. He could give Paddy's tons of money."

"I know, we need pageantry. We need, uh..."

So in a way, its closing down reminds the gang of all the lost potential, of their initial dreams, reminds them of all the things they said they'd do with the place.

This concept of potential... is something that I feel comes up a lot too. Whether it's the potential of new life with the puppies and the seeds, or something more abstract like them looking at Paddy's ("But that said, I mean, you know, it's got potential. It doesn't have to be this, right? We could gut this place, make it totally our own, right?").

The Gang Replaces Dee With A Monkey

Sigh. This one starts really on the nose.

"No. No, no. This can't be happening. I-I-I'm too young. No, why are you doing this? I don't want to change. I don't want to change. Oh, God, it's hot. It's always so goddamn hot. Someone's got to crack a door or a window. Oh, God, no. It's all happening too fast. I had plans, and they were perfect plans. This is just all too soon!"

We start the episode with, again, change, that is leading to losing something, running out of time.

Anyway, talk about wanting to go out, to experiment, and yet again the gang talking about where to go and trying to decide looks a lot like how a decision would be made inside a writer's room. Down to the use of a whiteboard, actually.

Now, about the monkey.

"See? Great, huh?"

"No. No, not great. Ridiculous. You think a monkey can run a bar?"

"Run a bar?"

"It would be great if we could hire more monkeys to do our job for us while we're gone. Like, a team of monkeys who run the bar, you know what I mean?"

"I do have to admit, though, it-it is a little disappointing to, um, discover that a team of primates could do our jobs for us, but..."

To me it sounds like the over reliance on a predetermined system, when writing, often lead to a feeling that RCG's own input wasn't as needed to make decisions, because they already know what works. To the point that a monkey could do their job. In a way, like the algorithm.

"And, uh, everybody write down a destination on the napkin, and then we'll put that destination in this bowl right here, I'll pick one out, and that way not one of us decides ...but we let fate take over. What do you guys think about that plan?"

They are... once again, in the position of having to take a decision. Like Escapes, getting lost in the specifics because they can't agree on them.

Unlike the previous examples however, this is suggesting the complete opposite approach to using a structure.

And it continues:

"You know what, guys? I'm having a lot of fun here. Uh, but I do want to figure this out, so, new plan. All right, here's what we're gonna do. Instead of writing down places, why don't we write down key words? Or phrases, you know? Let's go with our instincts, you know? Whatever we want to feel, whatever we want to experience on the vacation, okay? And then we'll put it up on a board. We'll look at it all together and then maybe the destination will just reveal itself to us."

Like the anti-algorithm, which took emotions out of the equation, this method instead prioritizes them in decisions. And much like Dee Day, the boys took the complicated route, Dee took the simpler one, but they all ended up on the same outcome. Ireland.

Another thing that season 15 introduces...

"You're just being honest about how you feel."

The theme of feelings is now accompanied by that of honesty, of authenticity.

"You're making me realize something here. Maybe this doesn't have to be a scam. What I mean is, [...] I can control you. I can make you feel however I want you to feel, which will help you be a better actor. [...] Oh, that's real power. Way more power than just acting, and I think that's what it was probably all about for me, you know? I just... I was searching for a sense of control."

And of control. People often do something drastic to look for a sense of control.

"And if we can't stop them from making stupid and selfish choices, then we need to give them a place to go to be stupid and selfish." (Chop)

The experimentation, the exploration of feelings, that's what they really wanted.

"You weren't looking for the gay thing. But it gave you a sense of something bigger than yourself."

Something that makes writing sunny exciting... the ability to make us feel whatever they want. By embracing feelings.

But what has authenticity got to do with all this? Well, whatever it is that they're planning to do, something drastic and potentially catastrophic, I think there was genuine fear that it wouldn't be authentic to the show. That it would stray too far.

Think once again of the algorithm.

First, they had to decide if it was something feasible... Something they can actually pull off (Could he?). Then, they had to decide if it was something that would actually happen, within the show (Would he?). And finally, they had to decide if they actually wanted to go through with it (Should we?).

This method was supposed to determine if something fits the canon of sunny, and thus is allowed to be written in.

For this specific thing that seems to trip them up (rolling my eyes because I'm trying to be unbiased here but... come on. well either way, it works for many decisions, like charlie's father, for example), perhaps they kept getting stuck in each of those points of the algorithm, putting it off season after season, without realizing their feelings on the matter, regarding what they really want to do.

The fear of causing sunny's death by going too far (perhaps jumping the shark) started to turn into the desire to end sunny to get to the good stuff that lies at the end quicker... until realization hit. Why end it at all? Why not just... risk it?

So... Ireland.

The Ireland Arc

I think, for the sake of my own convenience, I will treat the Ireland episodes as one big section, because I can't address them separately.

"What did you want me to do, Dee? Did you want me to rent a big obnoxious American truck like that one over there? That's exactly what we're trying to get away from. Okay, you know, the tiny car, that's all part of the charm of-of Europe. You know, like driving on the left-hand side of the road. Dangerous for Americans like you. But, you know, it's authentic and that's what I want, that's what I'm going for. An authentic Irish..."

Dennis is looking for an authentic irish experience. This, to him, includes driving a tiny car, something that's actually clearly causing discomfort to everyone. This will repeat a lot. What he's actually doing, is straying further from his true american nature.

Learning, eventually, to fall back in love with it by the end, because "We are America, sweetheart! And we carry our country with us wherever we go. Because we love her! And when you love someone, you can't bear to leave 'em behind!". I think this phrase, in particular, shows the ultimate acceptance that the gang loves each other, and it's therefore not inauthentic to sunny that they would be there for each other sometimes. It is, in fact, part of its identity. And it always has been.

Anyway, in The Gang Goes To Ireland, eventually we arrive to a cat who has died because it got stuck inside the room of Frank Fluids' headquarters.

Frank is here however to get his hands on some documents, that he needs to shred in order to cover up a lot of evidence for past events.

At the same time, Dee arrives and Dennis reveals having experience "covering up blunt force trauma", so he helps her out by redistributing the blood on her forehead.

So, they are all examples of what can happen if you let structure control you. You can end up occulting the truth in the process. Covering up the past, "repressing" the blood... letting something that's otherwise glaring go unchecked and actively hiding it. And in fact, Dennis can't smell the dead cat.

Something has gone obviously wrong by getting stuck in the room (Escapes...), and everyone else can instantly smell it except for him, because the covid prevented him from sensing the authentic smell.

To extend this though... it prevented him from seeing reality as a whole. That's why he started hallucinating, why he complained about wool, because he couldn't accept reality. And by being unable to accept reality, he couldn't experience it around him. Couldn't sense the smell of the cat, of the hair...

Still, we see s15 change things up with the canon that they probably wouldn't have done before. Charlie being able to read gaelic, for one.

"I'm gonna kill myself, Frank." "He's not really gonna do it, dude, he's just being dramatic." "Do it, bitch!" "Yeah, do it, bitch." "I'm not really gonna do it. It's just a cry for help."

Paralleling Jumper, and thus the whole "wanting to end the show just to be able to go crazy with it". Chop too...

Another thing from Chop that returns here... when Mac thought "Poppins" was sleepy and tried to jumpstart their system with the air horn. Same concept as here with the stew.

"This stew is really doing it for me now."

"Well, yeah, 'cause you're using it as food, instead of using it as a reviving mechanism."

The problem being expressed here, is that it was never about the show not being fun to do anymore per se (comparing it, for example, to a dead body you have to carry up a mountain), but rather that there was a lot of potential stuck inside that was unaccounted for. In the case of "Poppins", all the puppies. The dog was pregnant, not sleepy. In the case of the stew, they were using it to throw it in people's faces or wake them up from having passed out, and not... as food.

Anyway, the gang meets up at Patty's, yet again showing that despite being all the way in Ireland, deep down they miss home, since they picked basically the irish copy of Paddy's to hang in.

Finally, in The Gang's Still in Ireland, we're introduced to the castle.

To me... the castle represents sunny (unsurprisingly, since I'm analyzing the meta about writing sunny).

"Dee, I haven't even begun to do half the things I want to do with this castle. Now you're asking me to leave?"

Dennis insists the castle is perfect, despite the fact it's falling apart.

"Whoa. This place has a dark past. Murder, betrayal, beheadings."

"Well, you know, it's a castle, Dee. You know, people were going crazy in castles all the time. And beheading people... that was just their way of solving problems back then, you know."

Reminds me of Mac's comments towards Paddy's at the end of roller rink, palpable sadness and all that, also Big Mo with the whole "getting to go crazy" at the end. The boldened part makes me think of the old structure. The old structure dictated all the darkness and didn't allow space for exploring something in a genuine way. The old structure demands the use of the murder hole.

Dennis follows the castle's instructions, which drive him further into denial and to act unlike himsels, almost possessed. He hides behinds the painting, which to me symbolizes subtext ("I think there's another man in this room."), but in the end falls out, which follows the meta of the seeds as well, in the sense that Frank is able to get them out of his throat.

About the seeds.

"The first time round is a bitter pill

But the second chance is better still

And then we find new seeds to sow

To grow our love we didn't know"

You could think of the new era as a second chance. But perhaps it applies to the characters as well. Perhaps this plays into God being merciful (more on this later).

The point being, there was a lot of unexplored potential, of lost chances, and by embracing that instead of getting bogged down, they'll be able to build something new. Even if they have to destroy some things for it (Thundergun 4), like the established canon, or the set rules. To fall back in love with the show, by embracing the emotional side of it.

Charlie's reaction to Frank getting the seed out could mimic the audience. Getting a seed unstuck doesn't guarantee that everyone will be onboard.

"I found you, seed. Look at it. I coughed it out."

"Yeah. Gross. Yeah."

"Oh. I thought you'd be happy for me."

Frank proposes he should swallow it back because it would be funny, because that was the old way of doing things and making jokes. The gang never learning as per the structure stopped them from delving deeper. But they don't care about audience reaction anymore ("we'll jam it down their throats till they enjoy it!" "we'll force them to like it!").

"Walking this path is a serious commitment. One that requires considerable training."

"Oh, Father, look, I've been S'ing and F'ing my way through life for far too long. I think it's time that I started sucking down the words of the Bible. And instead of looking for pieces of ass, I'd just look for peace."

"Well, your language leaves a bit to be desired, but your heart's in the right place."

Mac finds the same lesson in his time in the church.

"Many of the stories in the Bible are metaphors. Parables with lessons. Look, you're looking at this all wrong. The Bible is a guidepost. Interpretations can change over time. And so can the Church. Our God, the God we teach here, is a merciful God."

So if RCG is the God in question, then the message is one of mercy ("I'm gonna save you. Unlike you, I'm not a psychopath." "And like all great plays, this one is going to have a happy ending."), unlike the God in Global Warming and Lethal Weapon 7, a vengeful God that punishes its disciples ("to smite me for the urges that He gave me when I made the original sin of being born" ...kinda poetic, because RCG as God created them and made them act as they do, for the sole purpose of punishing them, having been created for this, and they don't really have a say in it).

Most shows also have what's called a "bible", although I remember RCG saying sunny doesn't, but it does have a canon and a structure, a set way that things work and have been done, and what's being argued here is that it should act more as a guide to follow when needed...

"You have urges that, traditionally, the Church has been very clear about. Well... I have those urges, too. [...] It's not uncommon. There's nothing wrong with it. It's who He made us. But our path, this path, is very clear. We must never act on those urges."

...And discarded when not needed. In Mac's case, him being gay, following this teaching from the bible would obviously be wrong.

Also, in general, we hear a lot of bell ringing in this season, both in the context of death (when the corpse is revealed, for example), but also whenever a scene with the church starts. Bells are usually rung only in funerals and weddings, so I thought that was another neat point to the overall themes.

Same goes for them using the song "Can't fight this feeling", that's all about... well, if you've read the lyrics you know. It's all about following your feelings...

The finale also places great importance on tradition, they have to carry the corpse that way because... that's the way things have always been done, that's tradition, that's the structure. But they don't end up carrying it, using a truck instead. Fulfilling the tradition and "sending him off with some dignity" but their own way, making things easier for themselves.

Death also keeps being a looming presence, in this case because of the curse of the banshee. It is said that when you see a banshee, "the end is near". And then death does hit, with Shelley. However, it wasn't the curse that did it, it was covid. The curse wasn't real.

But the corpse tells me something else, too.

"The poor guy's dying from a banshee curse, and now he's got to deal with COVID on top of everything else?"

The corpse is the show. This is important, because there is no death they have to fear. It is already dead. They've been trying to "jumpstart the system", with stew, with the air horn, but nothing they can do to the show can kill it more than how dead it already feels. The act of writing it the old way feeling like carrying a corpse up a mountain, an act so arduous each gang member keeps leaving, and the ones that stay ask for a break all the time.

This calls to mind the time Glenn actually left, and the part where Dennis trips and lets go seems to hint at this as well.

"Could it be maybe the banshee curse? Does it have something to do...?"

"Were you not carrying it?"

"Not carr... What are you talking about, man? Not carrying it? Yeah, I was carrying it."

"Why did it get lighter?"

"Oh, my God. It looks like he was dragging his feet back here."

"Were you hanging on it?"

"No!"

"He must have tripped and lost his grip, and that's how he fell."

"Oh, goddamn it! You were taking a ride? You weren't even holding it."

Seems to be mentioning the fact that Glenn didn't write any episode for season 13 after coming back.

When Mac stops carrying the corpse, the gang mentions that it feels like he was carrying a lot of weight, which to me refers to the most recent arcs being heavily Mac centric with his coming out, probably being the most exciting thing to write about, and thus "carrying" the corpse.

"Um, can I suggest something? What if we burn the body and carry the ashes up the hill?"

"Uh, guys, can I suggest something else? Uh, what if we, uh...? Now bear with me here. What if we chop the body up? Come on. And we carry it in pieces, right?"

"Look, this isn't working, okay? Look, you don't want to burn the guy? Fine. Personally, I don't understand it, but there are other solutions to this problem, okay? Let's just chop the body up. It's already mangled."

Dennis, despite initially insisting he "thinks it's awesome" to carry the body up the mountain, quickly starts getting fed up and trying to find alternative solutions. This probably reflects the reason why the seasons got shorter. A sentiment of burnout that they probably all felt.

The role of Dennis is crucial in this, and it cannot be overlooked. The moment his back is mentioned, especially as it's called his "structural essence", he's inevitably tied to the meta of the show as a whole because of the structure, meaning that breaking the show structure hinges on breaking Dennis' structure. This isn't the only moment this is implied, far from.

A few examples in quick succession, many of which I've already explored in my old post in more depth, some that will be new because they're from S15 (do allow me the freedom to bring into the discussion the concept of "love", that gets brought up a lot, and ties with the "embracing your feelings" I've dissected plenty already):

Dennis entering and exiting the structure in Gets Romantic ("So I'm still your leading man?"). Likewise, there's a lot of recasting talk in Lethal Weapon 7 and later with Dee in S15. Mirrors him leaving for ND as well.

Dennis being paralleled to Thundergun (he finds out he has a son, and in the end he "dies", / "So, this is the midpoint twist." "What is?" "Um, ThunderGun finding out he has a son." "He has a son?" "Yes." "But how is this the twist? I mean, because he's got a kid? I mean, he's probably got a thousand kids, all the raw-dog loads he drops." / "I say give me dong or give me death." / "You weren't looking for the gay thing. But it gave you a sense of something bigger than yourself.")

Dennis being forced by Dee to remove his make up in Dee Day ("Buddy, makeup or not, you are the Golden God. It's all about what's in here." / "Today of all days, and now I'm being forced to listen to her feelings? I won't do it. And who cares about her feelings anyway? Nobody, that's who. What about my feelings? Now, that's interesting, okay?" / "This man is clearly a monster, and he will be punished accordingly.")

Dennis wanting Mac to make his own decisions instead of looking at him for answers ("Well, you didn't tell me whether I should save him or not." "But why? I mean, why do I still have to tell you what to do? [...] And why is it up to me to decide whether or not you're going to save a man's life?"), being upset that Mac wouldn't just jump in to save him. Dennis being worried about his own mortality.

Dennis being paralleled to the Jumper, with the algorithm centering on what they should do with him. Also being the one insisting emotions be kept out of it, yet constantly acting emotional. The casaba, arguably, since Dennis is the Jumper, and the casaba was meant to represent it... ("I don't think you have to hide it, man").

The salon in Chop being called <3 or death, Dennis trying to stop others from making choices reads like him regretting North Dakota ("They're clearly bored and lonely and needing to do something extreme in order to make themselves feel special"), plus the obsession with hair mirroring that in S15, insisting that cutting the hair doesn't follow tradition (structure). Dennis being paralleled to Poppins ("My dog came back!" "How the hell is that dog still alive?" "Yeah, Mac, why don't you just put that poor thing out of its misery?" "Put him down? What, are you crazy? This is my dog, Dee. I love him.") both for having kids he doesn't take care of, and for leaving and coming back.

Dennis being at the center of Big Mo, insisting they keep guarding the base because doing otherwise would lead to death, and then also being the one to say that it's time to end the game. The entire revelation that brings us to the new era started by S15 hinges on Dennis' turning point, deciding not to guard the base (the structure! ...his structure?) anymore.

"They leave but they all come back." is the credits backwards message to season 14. Parallels Dennis leaving for ND.

Dennis having covid parallels Frank's dialogue about Barbara and thus Dee's dialogue for the role she's trying for ("Overnight, she became completely irrational with the hot flashes and the mood swings and the paranoia. That was the worst. Always accusing me of having affairs.").

Dennis' obsession with things being authentic while he himself is so in denial it almost causes him to die. The castle as his facade/identity, telling him what to do, the banquet of humiliation being about punishing a dad for abandoning his child, like Dennis did ("You wine and dine the man while also pointing out all of his character flaws, and then you lure him over to the castle's murder hole." "I'm not gonna kill him or anything, but it's got to be hot enough to be annoying as sh¡t, right? You know what I mean? Yeah. Burn him. Uh, he's gonna get burned. But, I mean, Charlie's got to see him lose his cool, so we can expose him as the child-abandoning monster that he really is.")

The recent seasons have kept laying down implications regarding Dennis in particular. We all remember the Range Rover ("I got to tell you, guys, that Range Rover, that was... that was like a part of me. You know, I considered it part of my identity, really." from New Wheels) being blown up by Mac with the RPG. Without getting into the specifics of what it may be (draw your conclusions, I'll draw mine), something about Dennis' identity is being... concealed, like with make up. Been tampered with, like the hair. Covered up, like Frank's shred-and-spread. Basically, it stands to reason that his back is the one that breaks in the finale, because we may get to explore that, his identity. (And because he feels like he's being left behind by the gang...? Remember tends bar... and thundergun too, its whole motto is no man left behind and yet he dies, which goes completely against that!)

"All right, you know what, guy? Here's what I'm feeling. Forget this dude. He was a deadbeat, right? Can we just go home?"

Season/ritual finished, they return home to their roots, with a newfound love for it.

Not letting the corpse (show) get between them (RCG).

"And we carry our country with us wherever we go! Because we love her! And when you love someone, you can't bear to leave 'em behind!"

So what does this mean for season 16?

The main analysis is done.

It was my goal inside this post to speculate as little as possible, so that hopefully the meta discussed would hold up regardless. This small footnote is for me to go crazy at the end, if you will.

If you were to ask me... season 16 is the aftermath of change. Wanting to go back to the way things were, back to your roots... but you've all changed. It's you (the gang) who's different. No matter where they are now.

"It's the end of the Vitruvian era! It's over! Goddamn! Goddamn! My essence has... been ruined by tiny cars, castle beds and... Goddamn. I hate this godforsaken country!"

So, if you were to see the "falling back in love with something" as an arc, this to me may be the moment in the story where you start to realize what you've missed out on, and what you miss that you already had. Paddy's may be the same, but the gang isn't. Least of all, Dennis.

"Love I get so lost sometimes Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart When I want to run away I drive off in my car But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are All my instincts, they return The grand facade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside"

Because when you love someone, you can't bear...

I wonder if we'll ever get to see the RPG fired, that's clearly the type of explosion they crave, isn't it? Sometimes in order to save something you have to destroy it...

"Dear Anna, our time apart only makes my heart grow fonder." (oh like inflation?)

I don't know. I think Dennis, like the show (since their meta aligns), will try to embrace taking decisions based on feelings rather than being cold and calculative. And I think the gang will find that very weird, and may think he's got his bell rung or it's a cry for help or "he's probably faking it".

I also think we will be introduced to the concept of a new structure. That may be the DENNIS system reworked (or just realizing how appalling the old one is, underlining how that structure doesn't work for them anymore), or it may be some method Dennis is using to try to improve his mental health (it would make sense in meta... trying ways to get better... and failing too, like the trip to ireland being a disaster, but still teaching them something along the way), "What's the first word that comes to your mind to describe us?", something like that. Attempting to redefine what was previously established in a new way that works better, that adapts to their current needs.

So we will have gone from... classic (s14), exploration and change (s15), redefining (s16).

Of course, I don't think the exploration and change is finished either. The scene with Frank and Charlie finding a bathroom (which btw... also reminds me of my spec script...) still recalls Big Mo ("We're finding all kinds of corners of this place that we've never explored before."). I think all seasons moving forward will bring up past stuff they never got into before, to some extent. They have a lot of seeds to wade through, after all. They're not running out of those any time soon. Maybe that's what the scene refers too, believability? Might be why there's all those lamps (I didn't discover this... someone smarter than me did). After all this is something they never had to battle before from the comfort of their structure, but now that they're changing things, how much can they do before it's not believable?

I'm not even gonna get into the gang gets cursed without a synopsis, there's too much at stake for me to get wrong... some thoughts were the curse of the banshee, the curse from gets trapped (indiana jones reference... also referenced in s15... ark of the covenant... the crate... "In the bible, there are passages that explain that if a man touches the ark or looks inside it when it is opened, he will die." ...hm! fascinating), the god hole... I won't. I can't. The post is already way too long.

So... this is the end.

Thank you for reading all the way to here, you're insane for doing that, but I deeply appreciate it. Leave some tags if you wants, this took me 5 days to write and I also lost some edits at the end which was like three hours of work... woof.

And please feel free to add your own thoughts and considerations about this meta, despite how long this post ended up being I'm sure I've only scratched the surface of it, especially because I had to disregard almost everything prior to s14 for the sake of staying brief (I KNOW RIGHT?), and I'm sure there's dialogue I didn't include or multiple interpretations that escaped me. It happens, this show is hefty with them. But I hope you enjoyed. Thanks.

#iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #always sunny #s16 spoilers #season 15 #season 14 #meta #analysis #macdennis #(even tho it's not really)#dennis reynolds #mac mcdonald #charlie kelly #dee reynolds #frank reynolds #again sorry for no readmore... this is like do u like the color of the sky post but for sunny. I APOLOGIZE #im so nervous to post this i hope it doesn't implode #THANK U OOMF OHHHH THE READ MORE OK OK THANKU IVE PUT IT!!!! SORRY EVERYONE #long post

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jonsa101 · 4 years ago

Text

Yes, There’s Only 14 Episodes in Season 3 But Sharpwin is On Track and Progressing How They’re Supposed To.

There has been so much talk about this season’s writing and the lack of Sharpwin scenes that I thought I would just address everything in this post.

First, the writing this season is NOT BAD! In my honest opinion I actually think this season has some of the best writing in the series. Compared to season two, the writing is head and shoulders above what we got last year. More than ever before we are diving into these characters stories, seeing friendships form, getting a better look into their home life and seeing secondary characters shine! This is a good thing! These were the things that were so desperately needed in season 2 but we didn’t see this play out. I’ve said this before in my infamous season 2 rant and I’ll say it again, a show can’t solely depend on a ship! It has to have great storytelling and good character development for all of it’s main characters. This is what New Amsterdam failed to do in season two and they’re now making it up for it in season 3. The only area I would say the storyline suffered was the Cassian, Helen and Max “love triangle.” There was definitely more intent with that plot before the pandemic. Cassian was not only supposed to be a catalyst for Jealous Max and Sharpwin but he was also supposed to come in and challenge the way Max did things. Cassian’s whole thing was self care first=great patient care which was the complete opposite of Max and the two of them were supposed to clash. Obviously this completely changed due to the pandemic. You can’t have a storyline about a doctor prioritizing himself first for “better patient care”in the midst of thousands of doctors globally throwing themselves on the frontlines and even loosing their lives to COVID-19. It would have been a terrible look to have that storyline so they clearly scrapped it! What we saw was probably them trying to salvage whatever was left from the original plot while they still had Daniel Dae Kim in the limited amount of episodes for season 3.

Apart from that, I think the writers are doing a fantastic job in terms of character development this season. Arguably I would say that Iggy probably has the best storyline so far and that’s incredible for his character. Tyler Labine is acting his ass off and Iggy’s scenes with Lauren, Vijay and Martin were top tier!!! We are finally getting a Max and Reynolds bromance that was teased in season one but literally know where to be found in season two! It’s great seeing them bond on screen and I hope we get more moments with these two. We’re also seeing Reynold’s “life plan” blow up in his face and we finally have some closure with Bloom. They kept us in limbo for so long! We didn’t know if him and Bloom were truly over but now we finally know. Also, it seems like he and Evie are officially done as well and he might have a new love interest on the horizon. For Lauren, she’s clearly seems to be having a coming out story which is something I didn’t see coming at all. I’m really curious how they’re going to play this out for her and can’t wait to see it unfold. Last but not least, for Max and Helen they are both going through massive character development phases which leads me to my second point.

I love a good Max and Helen scene as much as the next person. To me they’re the ultimate ship and I want to see them thrive and flourish but just because we don’t see Max and Helen interact doesn’t mean that the show isn’t properly developing or investing in their relationship!!!!!!!!The relationship between Max and Helen is so nuanced that their relationship doesn’t hang in the balance because they don’t have more witty, flirtatious, or emotional dialogue. Don’t get me wrong, I adore those moments. Those scenes between them make us the passionate sharwpin shippers we are. At the same time though, we have to truly take a look at why the state of their relationship is where its at now and why from a narrative perspective their current interactions make sense. In order to do this, we have to take a look at where Max and Helen left off last year.

At the end of season 2, Max made a move on Helen and almost kissed her in her office. After this moment occurred he never addressed it and at the time he was still dating Alice. There’s no doubt in my mind that this was the catalyst for why Helen started dating Cassian in the first place. She had practically laid her feelings out there and told Max he was the reason she gave up half of her department. After this revelation and the massive, intimate moment he initiated in her office, he didn’t even have the decency to address it. He swept it under the rug and wanted to keep the same relationship that he had with her like nothing ever happened. Even though Helen was aware about Alice, we now know from season 3 that Helen felt a type away that Max never “officially” told Helen that he was dating her. This is IMPORTANT!!! Max and Helen did not end on a high note in season 2. In fact, the very last scenes we see of season 2 is Helen blowing off Max to go on a date with Cassian and Max breaking off things with Alice. I know this wasn’t intentional due to the season being cut short but it definitely contributes to where they are now.

Fast forward a year later, and not only do we still have a massive almost kissed elephant in the room between Max and Helen but also the trauma of being on the frontlines of a pandemic and going through the biggest social justice movement the world has seen. This is something I’ve said many times over but I’m not sure the fandom recognizes how much these events have permanently altered these characters and changed the dynamics of this show. COVID-19 changed everything. The Black Live Matter Movement for the first time grabbed the attention of the world and changed everything too! Max and Helen are in the process of trying to heal and rebuild their lives the best they can as individuals after such a tumultuous year. At the same time, they are acutely aware of the feelings they have for each other and the UST between them and are carrying the weight of that as well. Naturally guys, the combination of all this is going to change most dynamics in a relationship. Things are awkward and distant because Max and Helen are awkward and distant!! They have a lot of shit that they’re going through as individuals and subconsciously as a “couple.” They are clearly not in a healthy place to be as vulnerable as they once were to each other. And how can they be when their feelings have literally been eating at them for over year?! It’s hard to ignore that and try to force yourself to go back to the way things were. Especially when their feelings have “technically” been out in the open since the end of season 2. They both know what it is! They were steps away from unleashing years of built up sexual tension between them and they went on with their lives like it never even happened. Max walking in on her and Cassian kissing in HER OFFICE and subsequently having that convo with Helen was not for shits and giggles. It triggered the BEAST of his feelings that he had fought so hard to suppress. There is no doubt in my mind that when he saw them in her office kissing, he was having some serious dejavu to their almost kissing affair last year. He‘s in love with her and she’s in love with him but this what happens when you continuously try and run away from those feelings and let it fester instead of trying to deal with it head on. The dynamic were seeing between them now is a result of their unresolved issues and it absolutely plays into Sharpwin’s story. It doesn’t take away from it. It makes sense for where they are NOW!

If we look at season three holistically, you’ll realize that a momentum for something significant happening for Sharpwin has been set through the acting and writing. I got to give it to Ryan Eggold. He has that fire and desire, Mr. Darcy type level acting down to a tee so far. It is so satisfying seeing Max so overcome with his feelings that you can tangibly see it in his body language and hear it in his voice. We have seen Max taken aback by Helen before but we have NEVER seen him like this. I keep on saying it but this is different guys. Something has shifted and it seems like Max is on the verge of exploding. His feeling are burning hot right underneath the surface and it’s a beautiful thing to behold. Last night’s episode was ripe with this type of content and Ryan was in his acting bag! It wasn’t an overtly “Sharpwin” episode but the writing and the acting is so clever and methodical, it will have you thinking otherwise. At the beginning of season 3 Max told Helen that he wants to build something better for Luna and something better for her. Was last night not a beautiful reflection of that? One question asking Max if he has ever loved a black woman put him in the shoes of his patient’s husband and had Max advocating for his wife like he would advocate for Helen if it was her! If that’s not fucking romantic I don’t know what it is and if the alarm bells aren’t going off that there is something deeper at play here with a huge payoff around the corner I don’t know what to tell you! Another moment that sticks out to me like a sore thumb is when Helen was telling Cassian that her brother died. I wrote about this in a previous meta of mind but Helen at her most vulnerable telling Cassian that she feels like she’s running out of time is SO SIGNIFICANT guys!!! It’s not only tell us that she fears that she’s missing out on the windows of opportunities for the wants and needs in her life but it literally sets the pacing of how quickly Sharpwin is going to progress. It is the beautiful freudian slip that tells us exactly where things are headed for these two. To me this is equivalent to Max telling Helen “I love my doctor” and “what if I want you?” in season 1. This episode had no interaction between Max and Helen but it was a MASSIVE Sharpwin indicator through and through! These are just a couple of examples but even their respective journeys in parenting is so Sharpwin driven. So in all I’m not mad in the direction the show has taken to showcase their relationship this season because Sharpwin is deeply interwoven in the storyline this year even if it’s not overtly obvious through emotional dialogue/ interactions.

Also, one thing you have to realize is this, season three is wrapping up a lot of loose ends from season 2 and when it comes to Max and Helen these two points will be/ have to be addressed in the next six episodes.

The Almost Kiss

Whether or Not They Want To Be Together

The showrunners know without a shadow of doubt that the resolution for these two points is owed! If Sharpwin is talking about their almost kiss, there is no way that they aren’t talking about what they mean to each other and what their future looks like together. Both solutions literally go hand in hand and I promise you they are not delaying the resolution for that till season 4. It’s not happening fam. We will see this play out within the next six episodes. So in hindsight, more Sharpwin interaction are on the horizon.

When I was making predictions about this season I wasn’t aware that this season would only be 14 episodes. I’m sad that season 3 is so short but that still doesn’t change my mind for where I think the story is going. Call me crazy but I’m sticking to my guns. There is something about how Ryan is portraying Max that is signaling something huge. Also I just trust the context clues that i believe the show is giving. I trust it! Anyway y’all! If you have any sharpwin question just DM here or message me on Twitter! my username is @oyindaodewale.

Love you guys! ❤️

#sharpwin #new amsterdam #max goodwin #helen sharpe #max x helen #sharpwin meta #new amsterdam meta

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seeingteacupsindragons · 4 years ago

Note

79+96 william and louis

79. Anger Born of Worry

96. Scars

I have gotten “Scars” so many times now that I don’t even need to look it up again. “Anger Born of Worry” is getting there.

Can I just say I cannot imagine William getting angry at Louis? I have difficulty imagining him getting angry at any of his loved ones, but Louis? Louis???

(I genuinely think Sherlock would be the mostly likely to anger him because they just provoke each other in ways no one else can, but I still dunno if I think William getting actually mad at Sherlock for much is likely. William is a viciously angry, hateful person, but it’s laser-focused)

Louis, however, gets mad about anything and everything.

This is sad, because I would like literally anyone to remember Louis also has scars and for me to be able to talk about them, but no, because William could not muster anger at his precious baby brother no matter how worried he was and Louis would be worried-angry if snowflakes fell on William’s precious head.

That said, we see his reaction, sort of, to Liam’s arm-scars when they’re fresh. He bandages them up for Liam, and doesn’t...really react a whole lot obviously on the page. There’s probably a lot of reasons for that, but--this was not a request for meta, and that’s apparently all I’m doing so far.

But anyway, it wouldn’t be set when they’re kids.

Maybe when they’re teenagers or something, something happened where William’s arms were visible and it could easily be explained to whoever saw that them that it was from the fire, but those are not burn scars. And there are people who would know.

And so William has to keep them carefully hidden, even in the dead of summer when maybe short sleeves and no jacket would be preferable. And Louis would be so worried, the fire so fresh, that he would explode at the idea of someone uncovering what they had done, can’t William be more careful?

William would be nonplussed, but soothe and comfort his brother, and no one would ever see his arms again.

[Send me more of these things I won’t ever write]

#Yuukoku no Moriarty #Moriarty the Patriot #William James Moriarty #Louis James Moriarty

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curioussubjects · 5 years ago

Text

So I did a season 15 rewatch and wanted to do a thought experiment

I know I often mention that the meta the corner of fandom I’m in has multiple points of entry, but I don’t think I ever just dumped plain text as a thought experiment before. Obviously, the parts of the text I decided to dump here are picked through a specific meta lens as well as being only a facet of the SPN text itself, since I only have the words and none of the complex visual language the show employs from set dressing to editing to acting -- and that’s a ton of info I’m omitting, I know, but generally speaking all text gets reduced to the writing even in the mytharc of the show itself, so it feels appropriate to use words on a page to do this. That said, this is just a start, and any analysis of SPN needs to take into account the full scope of the text beyond the words (with the one exception of a soundtrack pick in 15.10 because it’s too good to pass up).

Anyway, I started writing this as a simple “here look at this selection of very cursed quotations let’s cry” sort of self-indulgent thing, but then I thought, well, what if we could all take a pause from fandom stuff and finale anxiety in order to sit a little with one of the textual building block? What if we could even put a pin, for just a second, to the greater nuances and more involved abstraction about the text and think in bare bone terms?

Of course, I have a reading here, but through the quotations I picked notice the repetition of themes, of words themselves. What is there? What is it telling us? Regardless of our personal wants and wishlists, whatever our feelings about what is and what should or shouldn’t be. And if we pluck these words and put them back in their context, what is the story trying to tell us? On its face, without any editorializing about what we think could happen maybe because we’ve all been burned by tv shows before. Or even do we really think the text seems so clumsy and lost and incompetent as some seem to think it is?

Again, this collection is just on facet of the text. Think of it as a spring board, rock number 1.

15.01

We were just rats in a maze. Sure, we could go left. Sure, we could go right. But we were still in the damn maze. Just makes you think, if all of it... you know, everything that we've done... What did it even mean?

It meant a lot. We still saved people.

When we win this, God's gone. Hm. There's no one to screw with us. There's no more maze. It's just us. And we're free.

We got work to do.

15.02

Chuck is all-knowing. He knew the truth, he... he just kept it to himself.

Even if we didn't know that all of the challenges that we face were born of Chuck's machinations, how would we describe it all? We'd call it "life". Because that's precisely what life is. It's an obstacle course, and maybe Chuck designed the obstacles, but we ran our own race. We made our own moves.

I'll tell you what we do know. Nothing about our lives is real. Everything that we've lost, everything that we are is because of Chuck.

You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.

I'm done, Chuck. I've changed. I've adapted. I've... I've become the better me. And you? You are still the same... petulant, narcissistic. So... I'm leaving you here.

15.03

No, we’re gonna end this, Sam. Like you said. We’re gonna be free.

And I'm here, and you're here, and everything we need to end this right is in our hands.

But will you let the world die, let your brother die, just so I can live?

I've tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don't want to hear it.

Jack's dead. Chuck's gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it's time for me to move on.

15.04

Wow. So you’re still, um… [...] Uh, obsessed with my work.

You mean my work.

So instead of reading your stories, I kept writing my own. [...] Where the guys didn’t have to hunt monsters all the time. They just sit around and do laundry and talk, you know? I mean, that’s what people like the most, anyway.

… this is just an ending.

I can do anything. I’m a writer.

We are finally free to… move on, you know?

I don’t know. Uh… I-I don’t know if I can move on. You know, I-I-I… I can’t forget about any of them. Dean, I still think about Jessica. I… I can’t just let that go.

15.06

Yeah. If I stay, nothing changes. It's time for me to get back in the game.

15.07

What would I do without you? Hmm? What would I do without my best friend?!

Angela was raptured, and I was left behind.

but... but best friends don't just up and leave without saying goodbye.

Listen to yourself. "We're owed." "We deserve." Come on, man. You're not God. Hell, God's not even God.

Then you fix it. You don't walk away. You fight for it.

15.08

No one hands you anything, darlin'. I took it.

Then one day, you die, you go to hell, they make you queen, and you can't make it right. So fix it!

Doing what we do, we've had to get used to losing people. Probably too used to it. With Adam, we said goodbye because we thought we had to. We were wrong.

Since when do we get what we deserve?

15.09

You just refused to hear it.

Maybe if you didn't just up and leave us.

I left, but you didn't stop me.

No, the Dean I know... the Dean who raised me -- he'd never give up, no matter how bad things got.

Well, he does. He will. This is the truth, Sam. This is what comes next.

I hope you can hear me... that wherever you are, it's not too late. I should've stopped you. You're my best friend, but I just let you go.

Okay, Cas, I need to say something.

You don't have to say it. I heard your prayer.

When we beat you, I will make it better!

But there's still so much about the fabric of the universe that you don't know... that you can't know. 'Cause you're only humans. But I'm God.

I wish you'd stay.

I wish I could. After what happened, I don't know what's real anymore.

I know that was real.

If we can't kill him or trap him...

... Well, then we find another way.

15.10

You know, go out young and pretty. But now I've got a great wife, great kids. I guess...sometimes things work out.

Yeah, sometimes. Good, man. You deserve it.

~Let's be outrageous / Let's misbehave~

You know, I always thought I could be a good dancer if I wanted to be.

15.11

Beach read? Lady, I’m Tolstoy.

God created the world, but you know who created us gods? You did. You humans. Sort of.

How dare you not recognize his beneficence?

Our bad. Not his

I learned from my brother.

What is with you and these losers? They’re nothing! They don’t matter.

They matter to us.

Heroes. Like the old days. And, uh, she gave me a message. She said, “Don’t play his game. Make him play yours.”

Every day I wanted to come home, but… I couldn’t.

Billie kept him hidden in the Empty until Chuck went off world.

15.12

In the beginning, it was just me and sis. And it was fine. But I wasn’t satisfied. So I made more. I created the world.

So, I… I kept creating. I made… other worlds.

Those other toys, they don’t… they don’t… spark joy. But Sam and Dean… the real Sam and Dean… they do. They challenge me… they disappoint me… they surprise me.

They’re… the ones.

You know, Kelly just had faith that Jack would be good for the world, and I felt it, too. I knew it. And then, when everything went wrong, and God took him from us… I was lost in a way I’ve never been before. Because I knew the story wasn’t over. I knew Jack wasn’t done. And I was right.

What sounds good to me is Jack fulfilling his destiny.

I thought I could leave her behind, but… she haunts me.

Her world looked peaceful. This place is… cold. I don’t understand it. I don’t know how to move through it. So, I just find empty spaces, and I hide. This world doesn’t want me. And I’m done with it.

We can fix this. You can help us. Please? Please.

Feels good. Disobeying cosmic entities, doing the, uh… dumb, right thing? Feels like we’re back.

I don’t belong in your world. You do. Go.

When I was a reaper, I believed in the rules. But then you killed me. And when I became Death, I inherited Death’s knowledge… and Death’s library. And in Death’s library, everyone has a book. Even God.

After God made the world, he couldn’t stop. He wanted more. But he needed to create a perfect harmony… a Swiss watch, so this world could keep tick, tick, ticking in his absence. He had no choice but to build himself into the framework. It’s his only weakness.

You and your brother have work to do. This is your destiny. You are the messengers of God’s destruction.

15.13

Then there's no God, there's no Darkness. Nothing out of balance. World saved.

Okay, yeah, but then who takes over? Uh, Jack?

Probably not.

I used to feel things. In my bones. It was glorious, and sometimes unbearable. But I felt them. Now, I understand joy or sadness, but... I know those things aren't in me.

So it's possible he could work through this. One day, he may explode and let it all out and breathe deeply and move on.

A place... a thing... Whatever you want to call it, it's powerful.

Why do they call this place the Empty? This place is full. It's full of sorrow and despair playing over and over again, of angels and demons dreaming about their regrets. Forever.

Funny thing about her plan, though... she didn't say anything about needing you.

Maybe it's a key. It's a passage in Enochian. It says, um, loosely translated, "In order to be in the Occultum, the Occultum must be in you."

This is the Garden. Man's beginning.

His prize creations, until he banished them and all of mankind from the perfection of the Garden. And he hid it away.

Who are you, really? Who are you meant to be?

That's the crossroads of divinity and humanity.

Please. Just please forgive me.

#supernatural #spn #spn meta #spn meta fodder #destiel #spn spec #ish

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adhd-wifi · 5 years ago

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Jiang Cheng’s Deepest Personal Struggles

I spent more time on the title than I did the actual post.

Note: Wei WuXian is also very present in this meta, because Jiang Cheng’s entire story and development is so heavily tied to him that you literally cannot separate Wei Ying from him. And I thought Lan Zhan was bad.

Personally, I find Jiang Cheng’s traumas and internalized issues so much more interesting than his siblings’. Wei WuXian’s issues were much more dramatic and intense, but not uncommon in fiction, while Jiang YanLi’s issues were not explored in canon. With Jiang Cheng, we see so much of his development and how it is mostly negative in nature. However, even though Jiang Cheng’s development is negative more than positive, it’s very interesting to see how it affected him and how he does maintain his old personality even despite what he’s been through, which makes him the most realistic character out of the three siblings in my opinion.

In other words, I fucking love Jiang Cheng as a character so fucking much even though there are times in which I would gladly throw a book in his face and if you tell me he’s a badly written character I will break into your home at 4am on a Tuesday night and rearrange all your furniture before stealing all your spoons and leave a 27-page essay on why you’re wrong in their place.

(I won’t actually do that. I’m lazy. But not lazy enough to not write this long ass post I guess.)

So Jiang Cheng’s issues are extremely obvious to us, the audience, even more than WWX’s, despite WWX being the POV character. (This is probably due to WWX being a bit of an unreliable narrator, ignoring his own problems for JC’s sake, but we’ll get to that in another WWX post.)

We know the main problem is how he was raised, with JFM and YZY as parents. Between the two, we see that JFM’s neglect and favouritism towards WWX was actually much more impactful and damaging to him than anything from YZY. JC wanted his father’s approval and love, and while YZY berated him for being worse than WWX, JC at least felt like his mother cared about him in some way. YZY’s abuse was still extremely damaging of course, and she definitely contributed to JC’s problems by constantly yelling about how JFM cared more about WWX in front of JC. Still, the main problem was this: JC felt like he wasn’t loved by his own father, and then felt like his mother spent more time being angry at WWX than caring for him.

WWX and JYL also weren’t as there for him as they maybe should’ve. Yes, they actively showed more love and support to JC than their parents did, but the problem between the siblings is that WWX and JYL were unable to give JC what he specifically needed, and also JC lacked the communication skills to tell them what he needed. Of course, this is none of their faults. The three of them were raised under the same abusive parents and all had their own ways of coping with their traumas, as I’ve mentioned in my previous posts (WWX version, JYL version). Something both WWX and JYL had in common despite their difference in character and responses was that they tended to internalize things and smooth out the conflict present in their family, but while JC did also internalize things, this coping response didn’t work for him as it did with his siblings (well, it’s not that great, but they don’t struggle with it the way JC does). When you realize that both WWX and JYL are more reflective of JFM’s nature, but JC is closer to YZY instead, it makes sense. Like his mother, JC is someone who needs to vent and get his emotions out, but he doesn’t get that chance. Or rather, he FEELS like he can’t, because no one else does except YZY, and YZY isn’t exactly a prime example of healthy venting (Pls Madam Yu your children are crying.) It’s hard to talk about JC without bringing up how he compares to others, especially WWX, since that is the core of his problems and insecurities in the first place. So let’s talk about that.

JC’s competitive nature is mostly the result of his abusive home, but also because he’s the youngest sibling. Youngest siblings in general tend to be taken less seriously than their older siblings and thus often end up with the need to prove themselves more. This, combined with his parents’ lousy parenting, just made a recipe for a self-esteem disaster that blames others over himself. In WWX’s case, his self-esteem problems are “I’m the burden, I’m to blame”. In JC’s case, the problems are “They keep comparing me to others, I’m not as good as they are”. So, with JFM seeming like he doesn’t love JC (at least not as much as WWX), and YZY always berating him for not being as good as WWX, it’s really hard to fault JC for having an inherent idea of “WWX is to blame for his suffering”.

Despite this, JC had also actively spent his life fighting this idea of his. He loved WWX and very rarely let his jealously show at all. Even during the time WWX had been recovering from fighting the XuanWu, and JC was angry and frustrated at his parents fighting in front of them all again, and voiced his concerns about how his father didn’t like him or his mother, leading to WWX comforting him and making the promise he would eventually break (along with my heart but it’s okay I didn’t need it anyway ;-;). This is after JC walked from Qishan all the way back to Lotus Pier without stopping, desperate to save WWX as fast as possible. With his inherent idea of blaming WWX for his problems, on top of not being recognized for such a valiant effort for his brother, JC was in the perfect position to take it out on WWX. But he never actually said it was WWX’s fault, even though we knew he believed it at the time. Yes, he blatantly told WWX that he was upset about his efforts being ignored, but JC’s wording at the time didn’t contain a single line of actual blame towards WWX. (WWX probably heard it different, but those are his problems, not JC’s.) Considering JC is someone who doesn’t think about his words when he’s angry or frustrated, it says a lot about just how much he tries NOT to blame WWX, because he still truly, genuinely loved his brother. As children, JYL told WWX that JC was secretly very happy to have a new companion, even though WWX was the reason for his dogs being taken away. And then we see baby JC crying about being unable to find WWX when he tells him to go away. Yes, there’s probably some fear of punishment from JFM, but if that was the only thing he feared, baby JC didn’t have to promise to chase dogs away to protect WWX for the rest of their lives together. JC loved WWX just as much as WWX loved him, he just has a very, very different love language from his brother.

And then...the fall of Lotus Pier happened. And all of that came crashing down, burning away along with their home. JC finally blamed WWX for what had happened, years and years of pent-up, painstakingly internalized jealously and blame exploding at once. Because no matter what WWX did before, no matter how much trouble WWX caused before, it never cost them THIS much. WWX coming into their lives had never been any REAL trouble, and JC had been able to forgive everything else, because he loved WWX, and because WWX kept him from being lonely. But now his parents, who he desperately wanted the love from, were gone. His home was gone. WWX kept him from running in and taking revenge. WWX was the only person there when he let his emotions take over, and WWX happened to be someone he could blame. So what else could JC do but blame him?

“If WWX hadn’t saved Lan WangJi, if WWX hadn’t provoked Wen Chao, if WWX hadn’t won the archery competition, if WWX hadn’t come into their lives...”

JC’s default response to grief and trauma is anger fused with bargaining. He finds blame in someone or something and focuses on the “What-Ifs”, because that’s what he was raised on. That’s just what he was used to, because JC could never vent like he needed to. WWX and JYL, his only real sources of comfort, never truly listened when he did actually say something. WWX would tell him “You’re better than you think”, while JYL would tell him “That’s how things are, but don’t worry”. While these were said and done out of good intentions, JC’s needs are never really met or even fully acknowledged. No one addresses or even really listens to what causes the problems, often knowing the cause but almost blatantly refusing to really talk about it. Again, this isn’t their fault. Both older siblings had their own coping mechanisms that clashed with JC’s, and their entire family have CLEARLY never been taught proper communication skills, so no one really knew how to communicate in the way they needed to. However, it’s still true that this affected JC the most, given his character. He NEEDED someone to listen to him, he NEEDED the validation that his feelings and person mattered, but he never got it.

And yet...the sad thing about this was that JC himself clearly gave up on trying ti get it himself after Lotus Pier was gone. He let his emotions rule him, seeking revenge against the Wens with every intention of slaughtering them as they did his family during the Sunshot Campaign. We see his loss of morality and hypocrisy when he shows how he was perfectly willing to let WWX, as the Yiling Patriarch, stay by his side as long as he was the enemy of the Wens despite how much he used to be against WWX using resentful energy. We see the innocent child who had only wanted the love and approval of his family become a vengeful man burdened with trauma and the responsibilities of a Sect Leader at too young an age during a time of war.

JC was clearly traumatized by Lotus Pier, and to me, it seemed that he had manifested a fear of seeing his home fall a second time. We see this especially in his passiveness towards the other sects when he was put on the spot during the times WWX “caused trouble” as the Yiling Patriarch, and how much more reactive and unstable he was when talking to WWX before WWX decided to leave the sect. JC had been desperate to keep things stable, safe, that he was willing to abandon the debt he owed towards Wen Qing and Wen Ning. He didn’t want to make enemies of the other sects, because his family and old home were gone. When WWX brought up JFM’s teachings, JC was obviously really affected by it, and I think that’s why he accepted WWX’s duel right then.

One thing I would like to say is this: At this point in their relationship, WWX absolutely wronged JC. Yes, it’s fully understandable why WWX did so, with his horrible misplaced guilt and unwillingness to drag JC into his choices any longer. But JC didn’t deserve this. He reacted badly to WWX after Lotus Pier, but we know for a fact that he was overwhelmed with grief and pain when he did, but despite how much he’d changed, it’s obvious that JC still loved WWX (still should’ve apologised tho). JC didn’t need to try and protect WWX, but he did. Some might argue that he did it for JYL’s sake or to keep power, but I doubt that. If that was the case, he wouldn’t have argued with WWX the way he did, screaming “I won’t be able to protect you!” if he only wanted WWX around for power or for JYL. JC did try, but WWX didn’t. WWX saw their relationship as a debt he owed to JFM and the Sect, and with the transfer of the golden core, he saw that debt repaid. Not once, however, did WWX truly consider JC’s feelings about it, too caught up in his own guilt and thus deciding what he thought was best for his brother. Again, it’s understandable, given what he’s been through. But after the war, WWX was definitely the main reason they fall apart, not JC. Not the mention the whole golden core transfer itself. WWX made the decision for JC, then refused to tell him and let his little brother abuse him as YZY did until they finally separated, WWX willingly breaking the promise he made to JC himself. WWX didn’t even try to reconnect, using the excuse of “the Wens needing him more”. Can you imagine how that must have felt for JC? He didn’t know what WWX did for him, so to him, he could only see his brother abandoning him for almost no reason. WWX was his closest companion his whole life, as well as the person who shaped him the most throughout his childhood. His life and character were dependant on WWX, both positively and negatively. WWX could live without JC, but JC couldn’t live without WWX, and he knew that.

When JYL died, the trauma of Lotus Pier returned, and once again, JC was consumed by grief. So he did the exact same thing he did back then: Blame WWX. And this time, he no longer had a good reason to give WWX leniency. After all, WWX pushed him away. WWX didn’t care about him. WWX chose the Wens, strangers, over him. WWX neglected him just as his own father did. JC’s complicated feelings towards his beloved brother had finally morphed into hatred, and WWX had let it happen. So WWX died, and JC no longer had a physical target to blame. But he needed something, someone, to blame, because that’s how he copes. It’s unhealthy, it’s damaging, it’s cruel, but it’s his coping mechanism. It’s the only way he knows how to deal with things because he never had a single chance to learn to cope in any other way. Thus, he hunted demonic cultivators and tortured them, but his hatred could never be resolved because he would never be able to receive the closure he desperately needed.

Then WWX came back, and JC learned about the golden core transfer.

If you’ve ever had someone sacrificing their time for you without needing to, for example a friend staying up for three days straight to finish a birthday present on time while on a busy and hectic schedule, you’d probably know the momentary guilt of “OMG you didn’t have to do that!” while being grateful to them. Now imagine that guilt times almost 20 years of hating the person who did something so selfless for you while also knowing you mistreated them for a portion of that time. JC was absolutely devastated to know what WWX did for him, because what the hell, the man he hated and blamed, the man who pushed him away and abandoned him for a bunch of strangers from a sect that destroyed their first home, did something that was essentially cultivator’s suicide? For his sake? Because he actually cared for JC despite everything he did? But also, with WWX’s core instead of his own, didn’t it also mean that he was still Not-As-Good as WWX, because he never truly achieved anything great without WWX’s help in some way? The main, EXACT, cause of his insecurities and problems in the first place? Bruh I can’t blame him for having an existential crisis here. I really can’t.

At GuanYin Temple (admittedly I’m basing this off CQL cuz I haven’t gotten there in any other adaption so I don’t know if this scene actually took place there or not), when JC shouted at WWX for everything, JC was finally given a chance to properly vent and finally have someone listen. Yes, WWX being shouted at isn’t favourable, but honestly, I think WWX truly deserved it from JC here. JC was finally able to say things against WWX to WWX’s face, and most importantly, have the last person he grew up with that he used to truly love and treasure tell him his feelings were valid. But even with this, I still find it fully believable and probably even narratively better that JC and WWX never fully resolved their relationship (as much as I want them too, for my heart’s sake) by the end of the story. Because even knowing what WWX did for him, honestly, how on earth could JC trust him again? JC was too hurt for too long, and besides, they were incompatible in the first place. WWX and JC’s personalities and coping mechanisms and all that simply clashed with each other too much for them to go back to being brothers like they used to be. But at least there’s now closure between the two, and Jiang Cheng might be able to finally move on from the past he’s trapped in.

Like I said in the beginning, I find Jiang Cheng the most interesting as a CHARACTER out of the Yunmeng Siblings, and I haven’t even finished what I wanted to talk about with him. Gonna do a post next time about his relationships with others aside from WWX, specifically with Jin Ling probably. Also I don’t actually think Jiang Cheng was neurodivergent to begin with, but that’s also another post all on its own. Anyways I hope y’all survived this long ass post LMAO.

#jiang cheng #jiang wanyin #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #the untamed #chen qing ling #cql #my hcs #my posts #my ramblings #my metas #mental health metas

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himbo-buckley · 5 years ago

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Sex, Intimacy and Buddie (better known as I have a lot of feelings about this show, some of which are related to the before mentioned topics) - Part 4

Ciao, ragazzi,

i bims, die Kriz and I will be your tourguide today. (Yes, we’re on first name basis now, congratulations, kid, ya’ll earned it!)

Okay, so I rewrote this intro like 5 times by now. 3B has been so hard on me in a way that the rest hasn’t been. While I was writing 3A I had so many thoughts and ideas and conclusions from the get go, my main worry was to fit it all in and to make it coherent. And it took me a while to get there with 3B - but don’t worry, my friends, I did not disappoint and it is just as long as part 3, despite Tim Minear personally coming to my home and vibe checking me for saying he had daddy issues. Which is fair, tbh. Sorry bro, I’ll stop calling you out like that. (No, I won’t.)

Also if you need a „quick“ refresher of what happened so far or you just forgot, here are:

part one - part two - part three

And also, the usual spiel:

This meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics

I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney voice* we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something

This Meta will so far have FIVE parts now. The original plan was to do three, one for each Season, and have it organised by episode so you could technically follow along (which is still true), but due to personal reasons, also known as *feelings*, Season 3 had exploded disproportionately and for readability reasons I have split it in three parts - there is part 3 which ends with the Christmas Episode, part 4 which spans what aired of 3B so far and the final part 5 which will include the final and my conclusion, if by then I am able to form thoughts again / still

Alright you guys, drumrolls please: part 4 (also called „*butterfly meme* Is this growth?“)

Episode 3.11:

I wanna be honest with ya’ll, Season 3B is sort of a mixed bag for me, because while yes, all the episodes have been great viewed separately, they just feel so … separate from each other, and with 3A having so many episode-spanning arks, it’s a bit of a letdown to return to the standalone episode format. Especially because it makes the whole two steps forward one step back thing so much more apparent as it feels like what happens in one episode has no consequence for the next. It felt a little like they burned through too much in 3A already and didn’t know where to go from there. Which is also true for me, so maybe I should stop judging.

Anyways, I’ll stop bringing the house down now.

Let’s continue with: Don’t you just love stan-ing two adorable, complicated badass firefighters? Yeah, me too.

Also, I wanna see the Doc again. Tim, can we? He could be friends with Frank? We could see them have tea and talk about those dumbasses at the firehouse? (And also legs, since, you know, Frank only has one?)

And also the bank guy, Harrison was fun. (This whole episode was.)

And I know it has nothing to do with Eddie or Buck or Intimacy or Sex (okay a little with those) but I do wanna point you to that damn meatball scene, because it’s so chaotic? First, why are all the ingredients laid out on the table but Maddie is making balls already only to then cover them in water? Look, I’m basically vegan (haha, how long do you think I’ve waited to shoehorn this in here) and haven’t cooked meat since I was … fourteen, probably? And even to me that just seemed wrong! Not to mention AFTER touching raw meat, Maddie only cleans her hands with a towel before opening the door? You used to be a nurse, Madeleine / Maddison! (Do we know her full name? I feel like we don’t.)

One thing I really love about 3B (so far) is how happy and settled my main man Edmundo Diaz is. It’s in the eyes, you guys! I don’t know if it’s a Ryan thing or a deliberate acting choice but whatever it is it translates well (haha, well, yeah, we’ll talk about that one later) into his character and it really makes you feel like Eddie is so much better. Like for all the analysis of Eddie I’ve been doing, I didn’t notice how much colder he grew since the beginning of Season 2 until this episode came and suckerpunched me with the warmth in his eyes. Good god, proceed with caution! Oliver could call me right now and say „Look, Buddie isn’t real, I just keep getting lost in Ryan’s eyes.“ and I wouldn’t even be mad, I’d just be like „How’d you get this number?“. (It was Tim, wasn’t it? Damn it, we talked about this, mate! I wanna meet his cat, not him!)

The episode doesn’t hold a lot of relevance in terms of this meta (aside from some parallels I’ll talk about in a moment) but I still want to discuss it a little bit because it means a lot to me. I just love Howard „Chimney“ Han with all my heart.

I wanna say something controversial now because we’re 500 words in and I feel like I haven’t made you regret reading my rambling yet, so here is controversial thought of the day #1: All these fucking characters are grey as fuck except Howie. Howie is good to the bone. He is the goodest boy. He is so gentle and sweet and non malicious and yes, I am including Evan in my list of grey characters because he pulled some SHIT! Okay, a little bit of shit. Things have been *implied*! (I don’t even know anymore. Maybe he’s just off-white or something.)

And what’s the worst my best friend Howard „Chimney“ Han has done on this show? Lied to his girlfriend a buncha times so she likes him better? I lie all the time. I just lied to my mother 5 minutes ago (Yes, Mom, I’m working on my thesis.)! And Howie just lied to make someone like him better. That’s not bad, that’s horrible self esteem!

Which brings me to another thing I wanna say because thank you, Jennifer Love Hewitt. If anyone from the cast gets to call me, it’s you, because you clearly had your thinking pants on when you took one look at Chimney and said: I want that one! You a real one and I will name check you on my way to heaven - not, that they’ll let me in, but the thought counts?

Now, lets talk about those parallels I mentioned before:

The Hans vs. the Buckleys.

Now, we still don’t know a lot about Mr. and Mrs. Buckley and what exactly made them bad parents (though I’m firmly team a little neglectful but not abusive) but we know a lot about Mr. Han.

One thing of the bat I wanna mention is that this episode confirms that Maddie at least had a hand in raising Buck - which doesn’t actually have to mean too much, because based on JLHs age, her relationship with Dough and the way their sibling relationship is played it’s safe to assume that Maddie is supposed to be between 5-10 years older than Buck (assuming she started nursing school after High School at around 18 / 19, which I think takes 4 years in the US? And she was an ER nurse for 8 years, making her AT LEAST 30 in Season 2, but considering how she emphasised that Buck noticed something was wrong with Dough even as a teenager and she met Dough at 19, I’m gonna assume Buck was younger then 16 because Dough won’t have shown his abusive tendencies right of the bat, so probably about 12 / 13, making Maddie like 6 years older than him? And since we DO have a definite age for Evan, Maddie is probably around 33 in Season 2 (which also works because they wanted to put her and Eddie in a relationship and Ryan Guzman is in his early 30 as well). And look, as the youngest child of two people I would call more than adequate parents I can tell you: older siblings always have a hand in raising you, especially when the age difference exceeds 4 years. One of my sisters is 5 years older than me and I was more scared of telling her about having a bad grade than I was of my parents, so…

Anyways, back to what is actually happening in the episode and how it both parallels and contrasts the Buckleys and Hans.

Like Maddie and Howie are the older siblings and Buck and Albert are the younger siblings, yet Buck and Howie are paralleled as are Maddie and Albert. Also, Howie resents his brother for the relationship he assumes Albert has with their father, but Maddie recognises that Buck probably had similar experiences growing up as she did. Of course one could argue that Howie and Albert never had a relationship before while Buck and Maddie grew up together, but look, Maddie was in an abusive relationship for quite a while and hadn’t been in contact with her brother for 3 years prior to Season 2 but it’s safe to assume they didn’t have too close of a relationship before that either, or the Buck we know would have gone to Maddie to investigate and find out why she dipped. So…

(Despite all of this, Maddie knew she could come to her brother for help in Season 2 meaning one, our boy is such a good boy always and the Buckleys can’t be all bad if Maddie knows she can count on her brother, meaning she didn’t think her parents screwed him up too much in the time since she moved out and gradually left his life. Just another thought.)

I also love how her firm believe in the strength and meaning of familial relationships triggers a shift in Howie. Please keep this in mind for when we discuss 3.16 in a few minutes, friends.

Also that kitchen scene has all my heart. They really said kitchens are a Buddie thing now, didn’t they? (Also from a non shipper perspective, Maddie and Buck are just the sweetest and for a TV show actually fairly realistic siblings. At least if I compare them to my siblings and I.)

Also in terms of the actually topic of my meta’s: this is our first indicator that Eddie considers the 118 his family. And we have another moment of Chimney seeking reassurance / being open with Eddie. I love that they have a friendship like that. (He was so excited about meeting Chimneys brother as well. A little bit puppy and like another reason why Evan and him are friends. (As if we need more)) Also love that Eddie is secure enough to voice these feelings!

(Eddie really does seem so healed in this episode? So open? And happy? Damn, Frank, you know your shit! My man had some growth.)

Now, for some sidenotes to round off this episode, because I have some and I wanna share them:

On the Buckley parents, I think the episode wants to imply that they had plans for Buck? Maybe career wise? Because in the pool scene he says something along the lines of: „Sometimes you have to put / get a little distance“ and since it’s been implied that Buck is also from Pennsylvania or somewhere close by, we can assume that he was talking about himself here. Like he moved all the way across the continent.

I’m also just gonna throw out a prediction for Season 4: since Nia is only a foster child and like 2 years old, it’s safe to assume that she has been only recently taken in. While I do not know the US-Foster system, I do have some knowledge about the German system, so I’ll just predict that either one or both of the birth parents try to get their child back.

Or they just sort of forget about all of this by Season 4.

And I really really really dislike the cancer storyline and how the show is handling it, at least in this episode, specifically in regards to May, who in my opinion, has been both written and treated by the show as someone younger than 18 here, only for the show to then turn around and go all: wow, such an adult, look how wise she is. So awesome. Like nah, son! 3A has shown that she is much maturer than she was treated in this episode.

And Eddie finally got to say „seen this before“ again. I feel like he says that a lot. Should I start a counter for that too or do ya’ll just wanna think about him naked for a bit? (I know, you guys, I know! Should I befriend someone who can make me a bunch of gifs of shirtless Eddie I can pepper in every time we get to heavy around here?)

Episode 3.12:

Ah, yes, „Fools“! The one episode I have to say I can not look at without wearing my shipper goggles. So be warned.

Which is why I’m gonna start with the elephant in the room: Ana Flores.

Now, I’ve seen (and maybe liked / reblogged / queued / drafted (Idk anymore, I’m up to 600 posts in my drafts, 300 in my queue and like 300 liked / reblogged already)) an interview with Ryan Guzman where he talks about Ana and how he isn’t sure yet wether they are heading for romance and how it needs someone incredibly badass to get through Eddie’s defences, because Eddie is barely over his wife’s death and yeah, that! Look, if you’re here, I’m gonna assume you have read the other three parts of this „meta“ and therefore know that I am a proud member of the Shannon Diaz - defense squad and will fight anyone who says a bad word about her. And you will also know that I attribute most of the stupid things Eddie did in 3A to the fact that Shannon died. So there. All caught up.

Now, as for Ana Flores herself (and I’m writing this after 3.16, so who knows what happens next): She might be in Season 4 (I think the interview said something about it or she tweeted something) but I don’t think it has been confirmed yet? So considering what Ryan said they probably won’t end up in a relationship by the end of Season 3 (again, please remember when I am writing this).

I’m not gonna comment on the actress aside from saying, damn, I wish that were me! Other than that? I don’t really care about actors unless I think they are hot and then it’s more of a: uiiii, me like-y. (Madeleine Patch, call me!)

As for the actual scenes, well, I have mixed feelings.

On the one hand side, as I’ve said before, I work with children and the idea of dating the father of one of my babies is just plain wrong to me. So there is that. Morally speaking that storyline would be trash. (And very OOC for Mr. „My son needs to be protected above all“)

Then of course there is what’s actually happening between them which, one, from the get go she seems to not reciprocate Eddie’s advances (he keeps telling her to call him Eddie, she keeps calling him Mr. Diaz). Also that whole speech about horses? Yeah, I know you’re an english teacher but ähm, what? (Put it on the list, Tim, I need answers!)

To sum it up (and explain why I brought up Shannon aside from how much I like her), I don’t think it’s headed for a romance quite yet? They may be playing the slowburn game, but I think it was more like Ali in Season 2. Because as @greyhello pointed out to me in Part 2, Ali might have been there to show us that Buck was ready for a commited relationship and it had never been Abby that made him like that, just as Ana is here to tell us: hey, Eddie is finally accepting his wife’s death and maybe, possibly, some time in the near future, ready to date again. Probably. We’ll see.

Aside from that, I actually think a little crush could be something healthy and healing for Mr. control issues. But, again, we’ll see.

So, elephant addressed. Now let’s move on.

Sidenote: I feel like the parent-teacher conference made Eddie really regret so many of his life decisions. Someone needs to tell Buck so he can make a million puns from here on out and drive Eddie crazy.

(Sidenote: Carla said „big blue eyes“! You know who has big blue eyes? Ah, now I’m just clowning.)

Now this episode returns to the Season 2 formula of giving Eddie and Buck similar storylines:

Because while Eddie meets someone he could potentially be interested it, Buck is also made aware of his single status and the fact that he hasn’t dated in a while.

I do think Buck’s stance in this episode was both curious and familiar. Familiar because it reminded me a lot of Eddie in 2.04 and I think, just like Eddie did before Shannon came back, right then Buck is closing himself off from making connections, be they physical or emotional, because he got hurt too much.

Which is why I call it curious. Because I can not decide wether I consider his behaviour growth or a step back. In Eddie it would definitely be a step back, but in Buck who had been so willing to take any chance for physical intimacy just for the sake of a connection in Season 1 to now at least seem somewhat settled in himself and comfortable with what he has does feel a little like growth? (Then again 3.16 shows us he is just scared of getting hurt again, so probably just covering up is depression.)

Also, again with the kitchen! That puts us at five (?) scenes of Buddie talking about each other or with each other in a kitchen setting (six, if you count 3.03). Now I’m probably clowning myself real hard right now, but whatever!

But I do wanna point out how comfortable Eddie and Buck are discussing Eddie’s parenting struggles, which just shows how much he trusts him.

Now I know, I myself have made a textpost about Eddie discussing his parenting struggles with literally anyone, but ya’ll know I was kidding, right? It isn’t actually true. In canon he talks with exactly 5 people about Christopher:

They are Christopher’s therapist in „Triggers“, Carla, Hen, Lena … and Buck.

Now, here comes something interesting: For Carla and therapist, it is literally their job to help Eddie with his parenting struggles, but all the other scenes? Connected to Buck. Yeah. That.

Look, the Hen scene in the Christmas episode literally involves Buck and as I’ve said both Eddie’s and Buck’s reaction here heavily implied that Eddie has had a conversation with Buck about his fight with Chris before telling Hen all about it.

As for Lena, again, she is *literally* there as a substitute for Buck. She uses his locker. Her name is taped over his - and that is actually such a nice visual, that I wanna talk about it real quick, because I’ve seen it called disrespectful a few times and I don’t agree.

One, the fact that they left the „B“: funny af, someone from set dressing is probably laughing themselves silly about this and is allowed to call me now; also a constant reminder who’s locker and place she is actually occupying. Also how she can never really fully replace him, she can’t cover the hole he left fully, he is always there, lurking.

Two, the fact that it is tape: tape is slightly see through. It is temporary and easily removed. Tape is just a quick, momentary fix. Tape can be taken off / away without effort.

So to sum it up: There’s no one he trusts more with his son.

Which is also why Buck is there at the end: because Buck is who Eddie trusts. Buck is who Eddie goes to when he’s struggling as a father. Buck is who Eddie wants by his side cheering Chris on. I mean, they are literally pushing him together while Carla films (stands on the sidelines, ready to help as needed, but not fully a part of their family unit).

So, to go back to the elephant in the room? Right now I’m not at all worried about Ana Flores.

On another note it’s also one of the last real Buddie scenes we got in 3B so far and while I do understand that there just wasn’t any storyline for them to do such a scene organically, I am very worried about what it could mean. Because I still remember when Teen Wolf stopped putting Tyler H and Dylan in scenes together because people kept screaming queerbaiting.

I don’t want that to happen here. I love Buddie and what it could represent but I’ve also written too much about their respective characters AND their connection by now to disregard how meaningful they ALREADY are and how important even as a platonic pairing they are. Because they make each other so much better and proof that straight man can have deep connection with each other and how two flawed people can help each other heal in a way that I don’t think any other relationship in this show shows.

Back to the episode, though. The ark between Christopher and Eddie here is truly beautiful and I love the way we see Eddie growing as a parent. And I think the show wrote those scenes so well and they felt truly natural and were incredibly important, both for Eddie and Christopher.

I do think, as much as I love Christopher always being Eddie’s number one priority, no matter who Eddie ends up dating (yes, even if he dates Buck) we need to see a bit of a shift here. (Also, just in general, because Christopher will grow up, even if he’ll never be as independent as a fully abled bodied child might someday be.)

Eddie needs to learn to let go of control and of Christopher a bit. Look, a partner will never come before Christopher for Eddie (unless Chris is like in his 40s and has moved out and is living his own life. And even then it’ll be close.) but in order for anyone to ever fit into his life he needs to make a little space at the top and that includes taking away a bit from Christopher.

(Also just selfcare reasons, you guys, parents need to learn that it’s okay to sometimes think about themselves! And we already saw Eddie break once cause it became too much, how easy do you think that can happen again?)

Sidenote: We all know Buck built that, right? He’s been shown again and again to have some mechanical / maschinary (?) understanding plus fairly interesting problem solving skills.

Episode 3.13:

I love the locker room scene. Firstly, it’s a definite reminder that these three have bonded a lot and it’s such a sweet familial scene.

Also Eddie’s advice: yet another hint that he’s healing from Shannon’s death.

Compare it 3.08 and the conversation Bobby had with Eddie. There are no definite callbacks or anything like it, but it is very very very obvious that Eddie is talking about his dead wife here. Who he told he loves her in her last moments. So there.

Now, as for the healing part, could you imagine 3A!Eddie saying something like that to anyone?

Even in 3.03 or 3.06 with Buck, the person he lets himself be the most vulnerable with, there are still always terms and conditions with his words.

He trust no one more with his son, which, okay, is what the scene was about and what has the highest priority in his life but still, his trust isn’t bound to himself, it’s bound to his son, not to himself, not something he has in general for Buck, but something he has for Buck in regards to his son - that Eddie trusts Buck with himself is only ever implied.

He forgives him - „also what it means to be a part of a team“. Eddie sort of impersonalises his forgiveness here, he doesn’t forgive him because he’s Buck and he’s Eddie, he forgives him because they are part of the same team.

With Eddie there is always a wall.

But here in the locker room there isn’t. It’s just: if you love her, tell her, cause you might not get another chance - Eddie certainly doesn’t have another chance to tell Shannon.

And okay, you might say, isn’t that kind of a condition as well? Saying ‚I love you‘ because tomorrow isn’t promised? And sure, it kind of is. But Eddie’s also basically saying: once upon a time I told my wife, who art now in heaven, that I loved her as she was dying and then I got real mad at her and the world after because she left me and she was planning to leave me anyways and now I’m here and I’m over that and I’m just glad I got to tell her ‚I love her‘ one last time. I’m no longer angry.

Growth, you guys.

Episode 3.14:

I feel like the writers read some of ya’ll’s Buddie fanfiction, realised how it mischaracterised the relationship between Buck and Chimney gets and said: not on my watch!

In other words: If Eddie and Buck are different sides of the same coin, Buck and Chimney are the same sides of different coins. They share so many traits and experiences!

Now, this episode. Man, you guys, it really has me stumped. Part of me thinks it doesn’t have relevance and part of me keeps going back because it thinks it does?

Oh man, you guys, I’m lost. I don’t know.

All right, executive decision: no relevance, just another drop on the breakdown-stone that is 3.16.

Someone please tell my man’s boy they need him!

Episode 3.15:

Fun fact to start ya’ll off: this was only the second episode I watched somewhat live being a little new to town and the first I saw without spoiling myself on tumblr. So it has a special place in my heart any way you look at it.

(But then again this episode also involves several of my nightmares: drowning! being below earth! Being in small enclosed spaces! Being buried alive! Huge amounts of mud that will not leave your clothes and fingernails for the next six hundred years!)

Also, uhm, did I say „Fools“ was the *one* episode I could not look at without shipper goggles? So I’m contradicting myself. It happens. Move on. (Yeah, or repress it and join a fight club! Also name check me with your therapist, please! We may have breakdowns but we do them healthy around here!)

Because these fuckers went off! Whew! I’m serious, after watching the episode I sent a clip of that scene to my roommate and asked to rate how platonic this was. Which she did not. Because she doesn’t know math, apparently. - My point is, she sees it and she doesn’t know the show.

In other news this episode convinced me Oliver is pulling an Andrew Robinson (and yes, I know he said it was in the script but then Andy also followed the script, so…).

Sidenote: Eddie is the oldest, right? Damn, for some reason I thought he was the middle child. He has big middle child energy.

(Also why they namedrop Galveston like that? I googled it an it’s just a town? Why, Tim, why?) (At this point he is just torturing me, I know it. This feels personal.)

Anyways, this episode, you guys! I have thoughts! (And they are very hard to put in order so please excuse any jumping around at this point.)

The birthscene is great and can we just for a moment think about 25 year old Eddie hugging his mother in law so very lovingly? He’s so happy here. So soft. (Also I’m about to turn 25? I would not be able to deal with being married right now either?)

And yes, this episode confirms that Eddie has killed people, and while I know it was selfdefense, I just, it’s very weird to me because these characters have become so real to me, so to see one of them kill without a care is kinda off-putting. (This is why I will always consider Eddie grey and why I can never consider Buck white - because he had been planning on joining the Seals meaning he had to consider the possibility of killing and has probably learned to kill (Do you think that’s why he’s so non aggressive? because he knows he could take everyone down?))

I’m just gonna come out and say it: anyone who says Eddie isn’t impulsive has not watched this show. In fact I’d even say he is more impulsive than Buck.

Yes, Buck will do weird and dumb shit on a whim because the thought just crossed his mind and it sounds good and he doesn’t think about the consequences, but just does it. (I could make a case that our boy has ADHD but this is not what this meta is about)

But Eddie? Eddie is impulsive in his reactions. Everytime he is in distress (emotional not physical) he stops thinking about consequences and just starts reacting. Especially if it’s about a child!

Shannon is pregnant - lets sign up for the army.

Our child has a developmental disorder - lets stay in the army.

My parents want to take away my child - lets move halfway across the country.

(Not allowed to talk to your best friend? - lets go streetfighting.)

Eddie probably thinks these things through to a point and he mostly has a plan, but he is so reactionary. He is like a raw nerve and that’s what makes him impulsive.

It’s why, instead of letting them pull him out enough until he can radio, Eddie cuts the fucking line. Because this is a child, this could be Christopher and Eddie needs to be enough to save him.

(Are you crying yet?)

I’m not gonna talk about Afghanistan except to say: ah, Eddie. My man, you are enough! Always!

(But maybe that was his guilt over killing talking? Maybe he does feel bad?)

Also why did the woman emphasis ‚Staff Sergeant‘ like that? Was that an indicator that Eddie got promoted?

Also Eddie the fucking boy scout / alter boy / goody goody two shoes trying to get up because of a superior office despite lying in a hospital bed (and not even having been cleaned from his blood yet, urgh that’s gotta itch!)

Sidenote: in light of 3.16: do you think Eddie still talks to Mills, Binder, Norwahl and what all their names are or do you think that would be too hard for him? I’m leaning toward not talking but I really liked Mills (she reminded me of Buck and Lena, tbh.)

And now, for our regular scheduled program: Shannon and Eddie.

First of all I loved all of it. I loved that we could really understand why Shannon left. I love how much they clashed but still had those little moments of recognition.

And look: The juice box scene was very rough. Eddie is likely currently suffering from PTSD, definitely having a culture shock and here is his wife who is barely holding on as well and she just wants to leave, she can’t deal anymore and both of them are so desperate and wow, just wow. Kudos Ryan and kudos Devin Kelley, I’m sad we won’t see you again, but I do hope I’ll see you somewhere else one of these days!

I’ve talked about their relationship a lot already, so I’m not sure if I have any fresh takes but I will remind you of a few you already know:

Eddie is not in love with Shannon after Afghanistan (haven’t decided yet if he was in love with her in the birth scene)

Shannon *needed* Eddie to open up to her just as much as she needed to be open with her

Eddie was not able to be emotionally intimate with his wife

they cared about each other very very much and I do think they tried

they are family (remember what I said in part 2 about Eddie talking to the 118 about Shannon? This here proof that he definitely defended her actions at some point to them as well)

Shannon was in an impossible situation with her mother and a special needs child and likely burned out and just … she needed someone to have her back, which Eddie couldn’t because he himself was suffering from PTSD at that point

I’m still mad as fuck, they killed her off! If they give Eddie any other endgame romance that isn’t Buddie without like two seasons buildup after killing off HIS WIFE I will riot!

Which brings me to Eddie and his parents which was rough, you guys!

Look, as someone who worked with children I can see where his parents are coming from in that scene but also wow, just wow.

How cold and insensitive and fuck, no wonder someone is repressed as shit, that was horrifying and I really can’t talk about this more than to say this hurts and also explains too much about Eddie. (Can we have the locker room three bonding about having horrible parents in Season 4, please, Tim? And can Buck come too? We could do it at the loft?)

As for his conversation with Christopher, obviously it was cute as fuck and also I love how he began the conversation talking to his child like every adult male I have ever met talking to a kid about something he knows will go over it’s head („It’s like we’re talking about completely different people.“). (Okay, maybe not just adult males. Maybe we all talk like that around children sometimes. I know I do.)

I really liked how they reinforced once again that Eddie wasn’t a natural at being a dad (compare how he holds his son to season 1 Buck who most definitely knows how to handle a child (And now I’m wondering if him being good at it was always planned or a „Oliver did a great job the first time we had him interact with a child so we decided to make it a trait“-thing. Damn you, Tim, for making me think so much!)) but became good at it because he was willing to learn and he cared! Dads of the world (also Moms, we aren’t all super duper either) take note!

That being said the conversation also left a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth because, one, it felt a little petulant of Eddie to turn around and leave for LA, the way it was presented here and two, Christopher at that point didn’t understand yet what Eddie was actually asking him about and it felt a bit like manipulation. Please everyone, do not consider a conversation like that consent from a child. Any adult can get a child that age to say anything they want because children just want to be liked (It’s why when children are involved in criminal proceedings it’s so hard to interview them because children follow every suggestion because they think this is what the adults want them to say.).

Now, let’s talk about puppy!boy for a second!

In 1.05 Buck tells Abby: „no one is good when it’s personal“ - well guess what buddy boys, this one is very personal for one Evan ‚Buck’ Buckley, thank you very much, that boy is losing it.

Okay, let’s compare it to the episode before and then two episodes later:

Now, obviously the situation with Maddie was a little different. Mainly because this was a hostage situation and he realised (because Seal training, remember?) that there wasn’t a lot he could do to help her right then but then again … neither was there in Season 2 when Maddie was in danger and he still acted far more frantic in the car with Athena than he did here? Like the only stupid thing he did was drive a little dangerously this time?

And of course, two episodes later we see Bobby react when Athena is in danger and while we don’t see him be frantic we do see him get ready to kill someone, so, yeah!  It could of course be inconsistent writing or deliberate to keep the attention and worry more on the people in the call centre but since they haven’t pulled anything like that before I’m leaning more into my clowning.

I mean, we also have to consider that Buck was Eddie’s lifeline here, he was supposed to be the one to get him out, so he feels extra responsible but then again we have Hen make this comment about having two cut lines, which of course says that Hen thinks that one: whatever reason Eddie had to cut his line will definitely be considered a just as valid reason by Buck to cut his line but also: BUCK WOULD DECIDE TO DIE DOWN THERE WITH EDDIE. Sorry for the yelling, but no, I do not think Buck acted out of character in 3.14.

(Which is very irresponsible, you guys. You are fathers! What happens to Christopher when ya’ll die in a well somewhere in fictional California? I can not live in fictional California! I will not be taking care of your child, Buddie! Figure it out yourself! No. We are done here! This conversation is over!)

(Okay, not quite, because I actually don’t think that would be realistic! More realistic: Buck giving Eddie his harness so he can get pulled out first and then dying down there alone.)

Like I’ve said in the at the beginning: Oliver might be pulling an Andrew Robinson. It might have just been the way they thought Buck would act if he lost Eddie while being responsible. It might have been fever making him delirious (which, btw, kudos! Because you can hear how sore his throat was and omg, that shirt hurt!)

Never mind I found the heavy focus on Buck in an episode about Eddie fairly curious - which is why now it’s video-talk time!

First: I will not bear Shannon slander around here! Yes, she was in way less scenes than Buck, but the actress also was never a main character, so ya’ll need to remember there are like 2 scenes of them as a family. And they probably didn’t have the time, money and energy to film some just for a montage - especially considering that the three of them have hardly been a family together, because first Eddie was gone and then Shannon, so…

But yes, we do have to admit that Buck was in most scenes, and yes, we do have to consider the implications of this which are: Buck is definitely a vital member of the Diaz family and when Eddie says: I’m always gonna come home to my family, this now includes Buck and I hope we see him tell him that at one point in the final cause I need him to!

And then of course there is also the radio scene in the beginning (which lead to one of my proudest tumblr-moments to date in form of this post!) which did ease us into the concept of Bucky-boy being a member of the Diaz family! So it is canon now?!

One thing I wanna point out about the school scene in the end in regards to this is that little boy’s question. Sure they used it as transition to calling Christopher his good luck charm but, uhm, why did they have Buck ask about it in the beginning then? Why have this sort of unnecessary callback to the beginning of the episode unless they want us to remember Buck?

Something to ponder for the next week, I think.

Also the episode sort of reinforced my believe that we don’t really have to worry about Ana Flores. Sure, this scene was also a chance for Eddie to redeem himself in front of a teacher he screamed at just a few weeks prior but the only interaction they had was her asking that question at the end and Eddie hardly looked at her.

(Also, if they really wanted to reinforce Eddie being interested in her, they could have had Carla make a dig about it in the beginning, even with Christopher there, but they didn’t, which to me confirms that they don’t really know what to do with her yet.)

At least Ryan was finally taking his shirt off again, I know that’s like catnip for ya’ll.

Episode 3.16:

One thing that really confuses me is how many people seem to think this episode points out only how important romantic relationship are and I don’t see that?

I mean, I see that it’s one of the points that is being made but I don’t think it’s the only possible reading of this episode.

To me it was about connection and family more than anything.

It begins actually with Eddie (the person most connected to Buck) being the first person to decline Buck’s invite, not in favour of spending time with a romantic partner, but because he has a prior commitment with his son! (And several other people, including, but not limited to, at least 2 other nine year olds. For Eddies sake I hope less than 5 or that Carla is around because he is a single father and children unionise by nature.)

And it continues with Buck by forming a connection to Red and then bonding with Maddie.

And can I just say, before we delve more into all of this, how proud I am of Evan „Buck“ Buckley after this episode? Just look at him!

This is Buck at his lowest, lower even than during the lawsuit, because back then he had something to fight against, which he doesn’t have here. Because he can’t stop other people from leaving him (that is the whole point of the episode after all) and what does he do? Instead of going full on Buck 1.0 and just finding the nearest interested person to form a meaningless physical connection with to substitute for the lacking emotional intimacy he craves so much, he goes to a bar alone and befriends an old man. And spends the rest of the episode bonding with him. And bonding with his sister. And addressing his issues, both with his sister and his family. That is huge!

(Which is why I’ve decided him not wanting to date? Symptom of his deeper issues, yes, but also a sign of growth.)

And I’ve seen some people on my dash talk about how, compared to most other 911 episodes, this episode has a fairly bleak ending, which one I agree with, two think is actually a theme with Buck centric episodes, but three don’t actually mind / think is a bad thing? It’s fairly realistic after all.

To get personal one second: I remember being a very idealistic 20-year old intern working in the foster system five years ago and my mentor, who was less than 10 years older than me but fairly badass teaching me something that technically is a well known proverb but that I, a idealistic 20-year old, had not actually understood until I worked there and saw it myself: manchmal muss man den Karren an die Wand fahren - translation: sometimes you have to let the trolley drive into the wall, which means sometimes you have to let things play out till it’s natural end before you can help. Or to use an english proverb: Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom.

And this is what I’m thinking - no, hoping - is happening here. Because, look, you don’t just solve like 20 or more years of abandonment issues in one episode and considering what a big part of Buck’s character from the moment we met him they have been, that would have been unsatisfying to watch anyways! What we need right now, in terms of Buck’s storyline is catharsis. A cleansing. Buck needs to get to his worst (which I think he did or he will, once he talks to Abby) before he can begin to get better, can begin to heal, can begin to learn that he is not alone. And that is not a bad thing!

And yes, I know our boy is suffering and we along with him because we all love Evan Buckley to death but sometimes you gotta let things break so you can fix them instead of just putting tapes over the holes you see (haha, see what I did there?).

As for the episode, here we go:

I wanna start with something else real quick which is Hen’s subplot which I found important. Because they addressed that hey, she went through a trauma not to long ago as well and maybe she is not as okay with it as we thought?

Also it shows Bobby’s double standard again, but then I think he would have reacted differently if the guy had died and it was evident Hen realised she should never pull a stunt like that again. And maybe I’m giving Bobby a bit to much credit right now. Urgh.

I do wanna say, while Chimney seemed fine at the end with what went down we did see his reaction in the next episode and honestly he is mad, it’s just that Hen is his best friend and Chimney lives on the principle of forgive and forget so there.

Now I do really like the rope rescue scene because it was badass and also because Eddie seems so done in the beginning and Bobby just looks at him like: well, he’s not doing it alone and he’s probably not gonna cut his rope!

(Also notice how Eddie cut his rope willingly but Buck’s was cut for him? What does that mean? - For reals, I may see the connection but I can’t yet make out the meaning.)

But I did appreciate Hen’s comments about them being their best guys a lot! I kind of want an episode like they used to do on Star Trek were they focus on background characters and give us the way everyone probably sees Buddie as some kind of superhuman supermen who pull the craziest stunts and somehow make it! And now, let’s get into Evan!

First of, I now Cindy was meant as a parallel to Abby but I also think to Ali because Abby didn’t leave because she couldn’t handle the fear but Ali did. So there, a sort of Ali Martin mention! Thanks for listening, Tim.

But of course with everything else Cindy is quite the parallel to Abby from the way she just left and Red never really got closure, just like Buck.

What is interesting though is that Red, different to Buck, doesn’t want closure. He wants to remember the good times and imagine what could have been. (This could of course be due to the fact that his life is about to end.)

Buck on the other hand side really craves closure, and look, I know when we first learned she is definitely coming back I was really unhappy about that, but since then we learned they run into each other which makes it fine to me. Because I thought we’d have another instance of Buck running after Abby for validation and I did not want that. But he’s not actually running after her, it’s just a coincidence so I’m happy for him getting a chance to have closure, finally.

And this is were I think the episode proofs that it’s not about romantic love as the only way to be fulfilled, first because after talking about Abby Buck asks „Do you think I’m lonely?“ which is not about romance at all (had they wanted to make it about love it would have been: „Do you think I’ll find love again?“ or something). Also the conclusion of this episode is Maddie telling Buck he is different to Red because he has her (and in general those scenes between them, yes, they were also about Abby because she was another person Buck has been left by but just like they mention a best friend in terms of people Maddie left behind it is not about the romantic aspect, it is about people he loves in general), because he has a sister and she won’t leave him again - so there, familial love! The pinky swear! The importance of family. (see 3.11)

Also had it really been about love you know what would have happened since then? We’d have seen Buck calling Abby! Maddie would have said something about Buck still being young and having time to meet someone! Instead Abby and Buck run into each other by accident and Maddie makes a pinky swear to never leave again, so yeah, I just think sometimes we need to wait for how stuff plays out before we judge.

Now of course I wanna mention the pool scene as well.

Firstly, I know we already traced a lot of what Buck says at the end back to Eddie and the grocery store but did ya’ll here Chimney say: „Seems like your making this about yourself“ and Bobby implying the same thing, so yeah, I wonder if it was them quoting Eddie or if this is what everyone is supposed to be thinking or if it was just a setup for the breakdown at the end.

Also let’s talk about Eddie real quick here, because I found it really weird that they didn’t reference his platoon from Afghanistan here? Like they could have easily have him say „I’m not in the army anymore but I still talk to my old platoon.“, especially since we MET them one episode before. So either they didn’t think of that, they wanted to reinforce the fear Buck has or Eddie may just be as lonely as Buck?

(Guess which way I’m leaning?)

(Look, children are great but they are no substitute for friends and adult conversation, just saying!)

But I love how hard Mr. Stoic and emotionally unavailable tries to reassure Buck, tries to be there for him. And also did ya’ll notice how, once Eddie speaks for the first time Buck’s focus never strays from him. Hen and Chimney and Bobby talk as well but it seems as if Buck never looked away from Eddie. (Which, definitely get that, he looked good here.) Also how Buck stresses the “That better not happen to us“ - man, what conversation could he be referencing? Man, I wish I had memorised this show by now so I could tell you about two scenes that happened in 3A between Buddie where the topic of us was emphasised a lot but alas I don’t and I can’t.

What the pool scene also proofs once more is that the 118 just like an actual family has a lot of communication issues because Hen and Chimney not being in contact with Tommy or so is a completely different situation but because of their bad communication they don’t realise that this is something they need to explain to Buck because they think this is about Red.

Bobby doesn’t get it either tbh.

But we all know who does, look, I said it about 3.03 and I’ll say it now: Eddie knows Buck. Eddie understands Buck. And Eddie is on the path of realising that Buck needs him to say the actual words and not just let his actions speak! And my my if all of this pays off I will be one happy camper! (Hums Rihanna “We found love in a hopeless place”)

On a sidenote I hate that Red pegged Buck as a hothead because he really really isn’t! He’s just excitable and sometimes struggles with expressing himself and that frustrates him!

Also I never noticed the apartment had an outside area? did we know this? There is a grill?

Also really would love to see Gigi / Dana Strattford again, I liked her, she’s pretty! (But not like to date one of my guys, Tim, kay?)

(Also whats Officer Williams up to these days? Asking for … a friend?)

And to round this episode up: Oliver still looked so sick at times and they put a lot more makeup on him than they normally do? Usually you can see the slight scaring on his face but this episode you couldn’t but you could see the tears / snot mixing with all the makeup when he was crying and honestly, not his best look! (He still makes it work, though! Just saying, I miss 1.02 / 3.02 / 3.03 Buck, I know these episodes hurt but visually they are peak!)

Episode 3.17:

Was that episode amazing? Yes.

Am I still cackling about Oliver Stark having too much leg? Yes.

Did I love the Frank mention with all my heart? Yes.

Was Michael’s meet cute in an elevator less gay than any Buddie scene we got so far specifically any in 2.01 also known as their meet-ugly? That was a rhetorical question, you guys.

As for that comment I wouldn’t put too much stock into it. I mean, if you’re a single guy and you get invited out to fifth wheel at a double date with your sister and her boyfriend and his best friend and her wife, no matter how close you are, you will feel awkward so of course you invite the other single guy who happens to be your best friend who happens to be part of the friendgroup AND the team you’re working with making this a definite team/family/work - outing.

That being said: it took me 23h to come up with a reasonable explanation for this comment and I did scream at my laptop and pause the episode after it was made and I have been thinking “Buddie” confirmed about 100 times since then!

Also, they just spent a shit ton of time together, right? Like, if Buck’s there than so is Eddie and if Eddie is there than so is Buck and I’m clowning and not calm anymore!

Maybe “Buck invites Eddie” can be our always?

In other news this episode has absolutely no relevance for anything, but I love it deeply.

And we made it you guys! It was slower going but it worked!

Thank you to everyone who read so far and thank you to everyone who has been liking and reblogging and commenting! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express how much this means to me!

(Also please keep doing that! I too am an excitable puppy looking for validation!)

Now, to tag:

@angelcamael, @greyhello, @ipleiade, @the-family-we-choose-118 @chimbuckleys @sevensoulmates

#buddie meta #buck meta #eddie meta #911 meta #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #911 #911 fox #season 3 #textpost #mine #meta #buck #my meta

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cloudbatcave · 5 years ago

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Cloud Plays White: Finale

This is a long one, folks, since I realized I had a bit in my notes I had forgotten about and only found after I posted this, lol, so I have now edited it in.

when we last left off I was criticizing Alder for being useless in apprehending Ghetsis and Iris for not just taking me to Drayden’s house herself when it is Right Fucking There.

So I’m still futzing around Opelucid here.

“No way, without pokemon, I’ll be lonely and sad! …but am I just using my pokemon, then?”

wow, seems there’s some brain cells there after all. you keep exercising those, brah.

I run into a guy who thinks that it’s okay for team plasma to take pokemon from weak trainers, even though he considers himself one and feels bad for the people they rob.

There’s another dude in the same room who used to be part of team plasma but left because it was weird for him that everyone thought the same way.

See, I appreciate this part of the game’s writing - I wish there was more stuff like this, people who are conflicted and their viewpoints being front and center instead of the simplistic garbage we’re fed by Iris and Alder and company.

Though there’s an absolute nut job who says that despite the years he’s trained with his pokemon he’ll let it go if it makes it a perfect being and I am just not even gonna unpack all the lunacy there.

There’s a kid who thinks that just because N has the legendary pokemon, he must be the hero.

I am very concerned about everyone in Unova being so gullible.

“Your Scrafty looks like it can try a little harder.”

WELL FUCK YOU TOO RANDOM LADY??? LAD DOES HIS BEST AND I WILL NOT HAVE HIM SLANDERED THIS WAY

I finally go to Drayden’s and get told how the original dragon performed mitosis and now we have two dragons and also they once destroyed the region with fire and lightning but it’s chill.

“People may hurt pokemon even more by imposing their selfish thoughts on them. But no matter what, Pokemon and people believe in each other, need each other, and will continue to live together…”

Drayden is smarter and more nuanced than like, anyone else, why is he not a main character.

Iris chips in about how much she can’t forgive Plasma and Drayden mentions they don’t know how to wake up Zekrom.

Well, to be fair, I’d be very surprised if they did.

Off to the gym, this’ll be interesting since I have no ice or dragon moves on my team.

I get through the trainers okay, now time to fight Daffodil.

Her Haxorus was a bit tricky but nothing I couldn’t handle, and when I walk out Juniper shows up.

And somehow she knows how to resurrect Zekrom. Cool!

She blahs about how it’ll wake up when it deems someone worthy and talks about how much I’ve changed and shows me to the gate where the route to the pokemon league is.

“Chirae? Do you regret setting out on your pokemon journey?”

UH.

MAYBE?

mmm, that’s not fair to my pokemon though - nigh everyone around me may be looney tunes or incompetent, but they’ve been good pals.

So I hit “no” after all.

and she gives me a master ball. dope.

I make it to the gates of victory road and I honestly really like the bit where each section of them is themed after the badges! That’s a nice touch, I think that was only also done in the FRLG remakes if I recall correctly. It makes it feel a lot more ceremonious and important.

Ah here come my two idiots.

Bianca asks Cheren to smile and he’d probably implode if he did. He finally isn’t an asshole though, good for him.

The bug badge guard tells me to “fight valiantly like an insect” which is funny but I guess does make sense. Ants can fuck some stuff up, man.

Honestly I want to be a badge gate guard, seems like a fun job.

Also, I caught an excadrill in a raid the day I wrote this, and caught an excadrill in this game. Their pokedex entry includes this gem:

“Their tunnels can be destructive to subway systems”

Given the battle subway exists in this game, their insurance payments must be obscene. Imagine getting your match interrupted by a giant mole with metal fists that doesn’t give a fuck.

I named her Beans. She looks like a Beans.

I also caught a Deino. The Irate Pokémon that can’t see and tackles people to learn about its surroundings. I feel a kinship with this creature.

I named him Mezzo for laughs.

And I managed to get myself back to the beginning of victory road. Good job, cloud.

Okay I think I’ve found the right path, found a new dude to beat up which is a good sign. Apparently he’s lost too.

Love when a trainer switches out to a Pokémon mine doesn’t have a type advantage against and it gets wiped in two hits anyway. Death is inevitable.

“I’ve thought about what I can do to help my Pokémon win and I finally figured out the answer!”

Is it git gud?

Flame charge raises my speed, opponent’s klang uses automotize to prove it can do that too, dies because it’s too busy trying to go fast.

Then I get nailed by a flare blitz. Darmanitan is toxic to gen 5 nuzlocke runs, I swear. Especially since I have no one on my hodgepodge team resistant to fire. At least my unfezant is faster.

“Read what your opponent wants to do. Your opponent is human and may change plans from moment to moment. Be careful!”

There’s some meta joke to be made there but I’m not thinking of anything witty. Something something AI having a point even if not in this context.

Back to the beginning again but I think I know what I need to do now.

I looked at a walkthrough to check, tho, lmfao. Was tired of climbing up there only to fall down the wrong spot.

“There’s an item at the bottom! Do you want to slide all the way down?”

You’re the devil talking and you tempt me but I will ignore your silver tongue for now.

So I’m at the league and I thought Cheran would pop out of the bushes before I got here. That’s weird. I could swear he fights me one last time before I challenge the elite four.

NO CHERAN. OKAY. WHAT. IS MY GAME GLITCHED??

I guess not! Huh.

All right then. Time to try and see if I can win with my very unbalanced team.

Lmfao yeah my first attempt against the ghost trainer crashed and burned. Literally, thanks to her Chandelure. Very glad I saved on the outside. TIME TO GO TRAIN MORE.

No Marty, you may not learn wild charge, this is a no recoil moves household, self harm is bad.

Some grinding later, I am ready to try again.

Shauntal gave me a little trouble but was much more manageable. Grimsley was easy, only his Krookodile gave me issues.

I really like the elite four battle areas in this gen, I do admit. Very aesthetic.

Ah shit I know that Musharna is coming.

Never mind, that pink and purple snoozeball went down easy. I didn’t have a single Pokémon faint.

Unless Marshal breaks the trend the fights have actually gotten easier as I went.

He actually was a bit tricky, gave me a good show.

Hello endless stairs, hello N and Alder, hello giant random castle that just explodes out of the ground somehow.

“What has just appeared is team plasma’s castle”

Thanks mate, never would’ve figured that out without you. Why do you need a castle.

Oh wow, the gym leaders finally decided to be useful and fight the sages for me instead of letting extremists wander around unchecked.

Thanks y’all! Trying not being pointless more often!

“Ignoring team plasma...that would be a terrible thing for us gym leaders to do.”

You all already did that, Elena. I watched as Clay and Iris let these assholes go. We could have avoided this whole plot if literally any of you had done more earlier.

So the game says the castle was built by the Pokémon team plasma took but how the fuck did they like...work underground...you know what I’m not gonna even think about it too hard because it makes no sense and I know that. I must make my peace.

I also like how the castle is nonsensical and yet there’s a line of dialogue about how they’ll liberate the Pokémon in PCs too for their Master Plan(TM), which is surprisingly thoughtful. This game is so inconsistent with how much sense its lore makes. It’ll come up with something clever and then wear its underwear on its head the next minute.

“Will you go the Pokémon league?”

Hey what - WHY DID YOU TELEPORT ME HOW CAN YOU DO THAT. DO YOU HAVE AN ABRA OR WHAT

THAT WAS RANDOM

Well at least there’s someone there to randomly teleport me back too.

WHEEEEEE

Hi Reshiram, convenient how that mini fire tornado you made didn’t burn me or N.

Hi Zekrom, convenient how your lightning didn’t hurt us either, you’re a considerate chap

Aight, let’s see if I can catch this bastard

...I did and it only took me like five balls. Okay then.

N gave me a good fight, so there’s that.

Love how Ghetsis’s bouffalant kills itself via recoil from its own move and my scrafty’s rocky helmet.

He gave me a good fight too though.

I do like the ending, despite my issues with how the game presents its message. N is a great character and I appreciate what Nintendo was trying to do with the game’s plot, they just...didn’t really delve into it like they should have.

I’m glad I replayed it. I still have my issues with gen 5 but I see a lot more of its positives now.

We’ll see if I do any post-game content, I have gotten kind of attached to my grump-ass trainersona and his weird team.

#Chirae the mistrustful teen and his pokemon #cloud plays white

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mx-jinxous · 6 years ago

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No problem kid, it’s what heroes do

Day 2: Role Reversal

When the particle accelerator exploded the city went to hell, people all around had been injured and Mick was a first responder firefighter. He’d been assigned to so many different people that had been injured, but the most remembered was Barry Allen. The kid had been electrocuted by a bolt of lightning and survived, though what Mick heard he went through hell and back. Now Mick was busy fighting against the meta’s after he himself had developed abilities from his exposure to dark matter. He wasn’t the only one, his friend, Leonard, and Len’s sister both developed powers. Mick could spontaneously make things combust, while the siblings could freeze things in gold and ice. Together they made there own group of heroes, facing off against threats to their city and their existence. The current threat is in a form of two speedsters, Reverse Flash and Kid Flash, his lackey, for better terms. They were a huge thorn in the heroes’ side, they had yet been able to defeat them, coming back with more injuries then they’d like to admit. But there was something Mick noticed about Kid Flash, he didn’t seem happy with his boss, in fact, he seemed terrified of him. He tried to push it off as they faced again, again, and again, and he’d been able to do it perfectly until it came crashing down one night. Mick had been closing up Saint’s and Sinner’s, Len and Lisa had left for the night, leaving Mick alone. He’d plan to go upstairs to his apartment after locking up and finish writing the latest chapter of Uncaged Desire, his book that his publisher was waiting eagerly to read after some of his previous work.

His plans were shattered however when a breeze hit him in the face, lightning lighting up the bar, Mick flenching at the brightness. When he was able to see after the lightning disappeared he was greeted by a red, leather-clad villain. Mick waited, expecting the lackys boss to show up, mind running crazy how they had discovered Mick’s identity, and most likely Lisa’s and Len’s as well. “We’re closed!” Mick growled in a rough, scratchy voice, acting like he didn’t know the speedster.

“Please, I need help.”

“You’re not going to find it here Flash Jr. You and your boss are nothin’ but trouble and I don’t need that.” Mick growled, still standing behind the bar, washcloth in hand on the bar top.

“Please, I need help hiding from him.” The speedster said, holding his right arm, Mick noting the damaged leather.

“You’re not putting me or my business in danger kid beat it.”

“Please!” He screamed, Kid Flash walking towards the bar, stopping halfway. “Please. I know I don’t give you any reason to give me the time of day, but I know you protect people Heatwave.” The speedster said, Mick, catching his the tears and fear in the masked face. Mick just stared at the speedster, not giving him any sign of letting up to help or trust him. Huffing the speedster peeled back his mask, Mick being met with the scarred up face of a familiar young man. “You may not remember me, I know I wouldn’t, Mr. Rory, but I need help.”

“I remember you kid. What the hell are you doing Barry? I saved your life and this is how you repay me, by hurting others.”

“I didn’t want to do it, Mr. Rory. I’ll explain everything if you can hide me from Eobard, please don’t send me back to him.” Barry broke down, tears pouring down his face. Mick sighed, looking at Barry as he walked across the bar. He passed the speedster, to the door, and locking it before walking back to the speedster.

“Come on Red, let's go upstairs. You’re walking in front.” Mick grumbled, Barry, looking over his shoulder and nodding, holding his arm once again. When they made it upstairs to the apartment Barry looked around while Mick locked the door. He didn’t say anything, just left Barry standing in the middle of the living room. Mick ducked into his bedroom, coming back out with a t-shirt and a first aid kit, throwing the former at Barry. The speedster caught it with his good hand, looking up at the older man. Change and then I’ll treat your arm.”

“D-do you have any pants?” Barry mumbled, face flushing.

“You seriously think I’ll judge your underwear,” Mick grumbled, flopping down on the couch.

“T-that’s not the issue...um, I don’t have any on,” Barry said quietly, Mick grumbling.

“Bottom drawer of my dresser. Don’t mess with anything.” Mick grumbled, laying his head back on the couch. Nodding Barry flashed into the bedroom, giving Mick a second of peace before he was back in the t-shirt and a pair of red plaid pants. “Come on, let’s get those wounds wrapped up.” Barry did as told, sitting beside Mick as he opened the first aid kit, Barry holding his arm up. “So you like going commando under the suit?” Mick said, Barry, going bright red.

“Actually Eobard makes me go out without any on. He gets hot and bothered knowing that he’s the only one that knows.” Barry said as Mick turned Barry’s forearm and looking over the burns.

“Is he the one that did this?” Mick said, applying burn ointment to the wound. Barry nodded, shaking.

“He said it was punishment for fucking up a mission, but it’s because I didn’t want to have sex with him again, then we started arguing, I wanted out. I don’t enjoy hurting people, I didn’t want this life. So he branded me in a way I won’t heal from.” Barry said, fingers ghosting over a burn on the right side of his face. Mick looked up, noticing the burned cheek. Wrapping Barry’s arm Mick tended to his cheeks.

“What happened kid. You were a CSI, you were on the right side.”

“When I got my speed Eobard hunted me down, threatened me until I said I’d join him. I thought I’d be safe, but then he started making me have sex. That’s why I came to you because you and your friends are the only worthy opponents to Eobard. Please don’t take me back.” Barry said, tears running down his cheek as Mick placed a bandage over the burn. Cleaning his hand Mick wiped some tears from Barry’s eye.

“Red, you have my promise I’ll keep him away from you. Even if I have to risk my life trying.” Smiling Barry leaned over, pulling Mick into a hug.

“Thank you, Mr. Rory. I know I don’t deserve your help.”

“Everyone deserves help kid. Now, do you want to watch TV? I’ve got to make dinner.” Mick asked as Barry pulled away.

“C-can I help?” Barry asked, eye begging him.

“If you really want to Red,” Mick said, Barry, smiling at him. That’s how they ended up eating together, watching TV, and before long Barry was curled up on the couch. Mick covered him with a blanket and placed a pillow under his head. It was quiet, aside from Mick’s typewriter clicking, for the next hour, Barry asleep on the couch. When Barry sat up and stretched Mick kept his eyes on the typewriter, the younger man turned around on the couch.

“Mr. Rory, what are you doing?”

“Call me Mick kid. I’m finishing my latest chapter.”

“Latest chapter?” Barry asked, standing with the blanket wrapped around him, walking over to Mick at the desk.

“I have a life outside of work and volunteer work,” Mick said, Barry, trying to see why he was writing.

“Can I read it?” Barry asked, Mick, pausing to look up at him.

“I only let three people in the world read my work.”

“Please?” Barry asked with those begging eyes. That matched with the messy hair was too cute on the kid.

“Fine, just be careful they’re my only copy,” Mick said, pointing to a folder. Smiling Barry picked the file, sitting down on the couch, speed reading his way through it. “Barry, it’s best to read slow to enjoy it.”

“I’ve already read it five times, I think it’s a beautiful story so far,” Barry said, flipping the pages repeatedly. “Is Garima going to get out of prison? She didn’t even get to confess to Buck.” Barry said as Mick stood, stretching.

“If I spoiled it, you wouldn’t read it,” Mick grumble, walking over to Barry, taking the pages from the speedster. “Back to bed kid. You want the couch or the bed?” Mick offered, Barry’s eyes going wide at him.

“No, I-I’m good with the couch.” Barry blushed, proving his point by throwing his blankets over his head as he laid down.

“Alright kid, we’ll talk in the morning,” Mick grumbled, hitting the light switch.

Once he hit the mattress Mick was out cold, only waking when the sunlight blinded him through his eyelids. Groaning he looked over to avoid the light, eyes cracking to look across the bed at the time, but was met with messy, chestnut brown hair, his eyes dragging down. He was greeted by the peaceful, pink tinted cheeks of Barry, Mick taking a moment to stare at the speedster. He was about to nod off again when it hit him that Barry was in his bed, Mick shooting up. “Kid! Why are you in my bed?” Barry groaned, looking up at Mick with a tired pout.

“I saw Eobard’s lightning through the city last night so I curled up next to you,” Barry said, Mick, rolling his eyes.

“I’m going to take a shower, some friends are coming over soon to help you.”

“The Snart siblings?” Barry asked, looking up at Mick with curious eyes.

“How’d you find out who we were?’

“I followed you, tracked you down, discovered who you were after seeing you maskless. I was even in the bar a few weeks ago, tried and failed to flirt with you. You kind of just blew me off and gave me a drink.” Barry smirked, sitting up.

“Take a shower kid, I’ll treat your burns after.”

“Do you have any clothes? Everything I have is Eobard’s.” Barry said, looking at the t-shirt from last night that hung from Barry’s body like a baggy top.

“Yeah, anything in the bottom drawer of my dresser is too small for me, you can wear those,” Mick said, pointing to the dresser as he pushed himself out of bed.

“I’ve got to call Snart, you take your time Allen,” Mick grumbled, walking from the room, shutting the door.

“Thanks, Mick...for everything?” Barry said before Mick had shut the door all the way, Mick peeking in to see Barry still sitting on the bed.

“No problem kid, it’s what heroes do.”

#baweek2019

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years ago

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I was wondering if you could pls describe (or show me some tags if its easier) the traits of some writers of spn..? I usually hear "X writer usually writes more sam" or "this strucutre is usual in X's episodes" but I've never been able to pick on those; the only ones I've been able to pick up are bucklmming and its beacuse they are somehow instantly bad :/ ps. u dont have to like explain EVERY single writer or anything, just general things that you know or notice in their respective episodes

Hiya :D

Yeah, it’s a thing that’s really, like, aside from Buckleming being bad and coming with a warning notice that we’re all helpless, please don’t burn the fandom down after their episodes, it’s not really more than nerdy interest that means anything about knowing who the writers are, so in that sense you have the toolkit you need to function :P

Buuut from my very very deeply nerdy and writery observations through what is now more than a decade (eep) of watching this bloody thing…

The show starts with a Generic Tone, and most of the original writers have this tone. This is in NO WAY a bad thing, but of all the writers, you have to really delve to connect common themes in their episodes, and for many of the writers who didn’t endure out of seasons 1-5, we don’t really have a clear profile on their habits, for reasons I’ll get to.

We can see Sera Gamble’s fingerprints a bit more because we get 2 seasons of her as a showrunner, but by and large as one of the original writers, she really sets the tone so her writing IS Supernatural, as much as Kripke or John Shiban or Raelle Tucker or Cathryn Humphries and whoever else wrote multiple episodes seasons 1-5. They have things they might like but dropping into a random early episode doesn’t give much away because they had a much tighter playbook.

1x13 shows this because despite serious, painful hindsight of all the things they do wrong that we recognise NOW from seasons of their nonsense, Buckleming wrote far more to the brief than they ever do these days; the difference in style has to be almost entirely attributed to being a first season and close creative control and enforced use of a playbook that disguised a ton of their worst habits which go unchecked these days, and @justanotheridijiton has dug up evidence of them cheerfully commenting on writing in such a way into deep history >.> Despite it being technically their best episode, they were fired and given a 6 year writing ban until Kripke left. So I’m guessing it was fairly obvious they had these problems regardless.

Of all these writers in the early seasons, Edlund pops up in season 2, and he is a wild card with a personality, and he does not write ~generic SPN~ and never did: it’s always Edlund SPN and it gels perfectly with the slightly less technicolour SPN, frequently breaking the format and creating the modern version of SPN… If he does comic it’s Bad Day at Black Rock and if he does deep it’s On The Head Of A Pin, and if you look at what he wrote, very very few of his episodes are duds, because he has a brain swirling deep with interesting and bizarre nonsense. He’s also the biggest Cas stan ever.

Jeremy Carver pre-Carver era helped, which I think is why he gets to be part of Carver Edlund - we have 3 and a half years of his showrunning to know what fascinated him, so I’ll just say, in his very first episode in season 3, he alludes to Cain and Abel for the first time. He’s very big on narrative structure being used in fascinating ways, and his episodes are all very technically accomplished, but the downfall was that by the end he was writing narrative symbolism as a sort of withered husk of his former self with no emotion whatsoever, just hitting storytelling marks. 11x01 is the single most depressing episode to me in terms of “this is the man who wrote Mystery Spot and Changing Channels”

Fortunately, and I’m skipping over a ton of writers to tell this story, but could go back and talk about more of the interesting ones in between, if you watch 11x01 and 11x02 back to back, they work perfectly as a single episode and it’s like after the break all the life and emotion and intrigue is breathed back into the show in a rush of colour and character. Now, Dabb is one of the OG writers in my standards, in the sense that he and Loflin showed up in season 4, and to this day Dabb’s writing to me still shows a touch of writing within the original SPN playbook as a writer who CAN write alongside Kripke, Gamble, etc, and chameleon into the background as not writing Dabbnatural, but writing Supernatural. To me this is a part of his strength when it comes to story and why he and originally Loflin shot up the ranks in Gamble era to the point where they wrote 7x23, and from there Dabb always wrote the second, middle and last episode in a second-in-command writer role, which, now we hit season 14, means that’s half the length of the show he’s been clearly estimated as one of the powerhouses.

Because he had a co-writer for 4 years, originally you might think that it’s hard to tell what he is and isn’t writing, but he and Loflin split up, I hope just to ease empty seats in the writer room, and we get 2 Loflin episodes which betray a few of his weaknesses when it comes to story/structure/pace, but reveal he was the quippier, funnier, more manic one of the two. Like, I’d say Plucky’s (my no joke favourite episode) is probably something where he would have steered it more than Dabb :P But Dabb meanwhile, writing alone, writes 8x08 which is also funny but in a very sublime way based on situation and framing etc which makes us laugh without breaking up the story for quips so much as coming from character, such as “it’s a shortened version of my name”, “stop smelling the dead guy, Cas,” and ALL the uses of cartoon effects as part of the embedded storytelling. It’s like his resume for considering what he can do as a solo writer and he blows it out of the water.

Dabb is very good at characters who might have brief one off appearances, like, even within a scene, but still have a bunch of unique personality, as well as excellent handling of the main characters, and he can write some killer speeches and emotional pleas and stuff. He’s also absolutely filled with callbacks and repeats and narrative loops, and he started this on a smaller level, either to his own episodes, or dutifully doing his job to foreshadow and build the mytharc, but in Dabb era, this has turned into absolutely exploding the show’s callbacks into a weird fractal of meanings, which I think works wonderfully for supporting a 14 year old show on its own legs, because each callback and loop goes in a different, often wild direction, but still at the same time has an emotional continuity and truth to the story based on the story predecessors. The fact he writes like this is of no surprise to meta writers who’ve been keeping tabs on him far longer than I have. In fact, a combination of all Dabb’s strengths put to work versus his One Weakness, his kryptonite, is a terrible story of Lizzy’s hubris of not paying attention to the show and a hard learned lesson :P

After 10x21 I was utterly bereft and hated the show for what it had done, but I was gonna keep watching, as sarcastically and eye-rollingly as I could, and 10x22 started to deliver in spades. Dean drove ALL THE WAY down south and back, somehow missing Cas tailing him (without a car, we later learned) and all while Sam was on an urgent timeline to get things done before Dean got back… driving an hour back and forth in the immediate vicinity of the Bunker. The last times we see Sam are Urgent Driving Montages to get there in time while he’s basically coming from up the street, and meanwhile, Dean and Cas have logged like 20 hours of driving plus farting around murdering people, and I was GLEEFULLY tearing this episode to SHREDS for its car continuity, like, HOWLING with laughter.

Anyway I took a break to get some tea and came back ready to eye-roll through the end of the episode, hit play, and walked smack into the DeanCas confrontation and dramatic speeches about everyone you love could be dead, except me, and accidentally got so tense and enraptured that I spilled an entire mug of scalding tea down my front when Dean attacked Cas and I jumped out of my skin and screamed and then yelled again because OH YEAH I WAS HOLDING TEA, and from that day on I have A: loathed Dabb for his car continuity and B: always kept my eye on that fucker and when it’s his episode and what he’s up to… Once burned etc…

Dabb’s squad are awesome though. Obviously excluding buckleming, and I think with all the bingos and complaining you know what to look for in their episodes :D

Berens has been around since season 9, which makes him a veteran in remaining writers terms, just because Carver era had an en masse leaving when contracts were up (no hard feelings, just bad timing and Berens had been newer than all of them at one point :P) Berens is another writer I think can occasionally dip into pretending to be generic SPN on some mytharc episodes but he’s just obviously not been around in ye olde days, and joined in the time when, through Gamble era and then Carver in spades, the MotW writers in particular really fell into a new style of writing the show that I absolutely adore, which is where the individual episodes rather than mytharc stuff were increasingly left to the writers to do whatever they wanted with, and become more and more writing style and structure etc as standalone canvasses for your own skills, personality, etc. Because you CAN’T keep writing the same SPN episode over and over and over, and if one of the season 1 writers came back and wrote a season of season 1 style episodes, they’d be stiflingly boring, in tone and range, compared to what we have now. To keep people interested after so long, quirkiness and the ideas that an individual writer brings to the table as THEMSELVES, becomes increasingly the only way forward to keep the show fresh. Season 4 onwards began to have more of this, and Edlund had been doing it since his first episode anyway, but to me season 6 has very specific feeling tones for the episodes, while season 7 and Robbie Thompson’s arrival in particular start to set the tone for allowing the writers to be adventurous, and to me season 7 is the shift to the style of season we had from then onwards.

I think Berens episodes feel quite muted and cleverly restrained, but really really intelligent behind that. He’s written some incredible episodes that turn the season on the head while being standalones, and his run of 14th episode being where things were knocked out of the park but on a small stage, like, conflicts in a storage unit, barn, submarine, the BMoL hq and an abandoned hotel, all have devastating and dramatic emotional consequences while still somehow seeming understated and natural, quiet, almost, in the sense of what they turn on - looks and small agreements and emotional revelations etc. He doesn’t do fun and loud and flashy very often, and he delves very serious themes of suicide and depression, so I read his episodes and quiet, powerful, and very very pointed and driven and well-constructed to get to that point. His back and forth between scenes for dramatic irony is one of the biggest features I enjoy and identify, and that was an overall theme in season 13, on a much bigger level. 13x21 and Sam’s death, and, well, the whole thing really, was a wonderful example of the tension he can hold you in this way. Also: proof he CAN have fun but only when it’s super gay :P

I think Meredith Glynn gels really well with his writing, to the point where they co-wrote an episode within her first year on the show and then she took over the 14th episode slot for the first time since Berens got to the show and wrote an excellent episode that you could have told me was one of his and I’d have believed you, since it was structurally very very similar to any of his episode 14s which I have legit started seeing as a subgenre of the show in my own weird brain sorting way :P She has a great deal more fun though. She accidentally made the Worst Timed Episode Ever In The History Of Anything with 12x05 and I think got off on the wrong foot with fandom, but since then every episode has been an improvement on the last, and she’s had some absolutely wild rides, with 13x08 being I think her masterpiece overall, though Gog and Magog are funnier as an individual set piece :P

Her writing is playful and fun and shows a deep care for the character histories and how they affect them - 12x11 is hard to believe is someone’s 2nd episode if you don’t think the new writers did their homework, because she absolutely guts Dean, and throws in a Rowena backstory freebie along with, AND handles Sam handling Dean with perfect ups and downs and brotherly affection and horror etc. I also think her Gabriel episode is the best Gabriel episode ever, for him as a character, and in terms of fun, the unholy combination of her writing and Speight directing and acting and also acting was utterly unbelievable. 10/10 would use as the episode to drag friends back to the show if they only saw seasons 1-5... It’s not even comparable with her other episodes, because she seriously levelled up as a writer while doing it. I can’t wait to see what she is up to next season :D

Davy Perez is like the dark side of the coin of Glynn, where he is fun but dark as fuck, and 13x11 has the best example of that with his cheery music-playing serial killers, but it’s an attitude he’s had all along. He does his best with Buckleming characters they do their worst with, so he singlehandedly made me think things for Crowley weren’t going to be as bad as they were in season 12 with 12x12/15 and he absolutely was the only person to give Ketch and Asmodeus anything resembling an interesting dynamic in 13x17. 12x12 was an absolute masterpiece of non-linear writing, which requires a good brain to do and then he made it funny AND all while ripping off tarantino but in SPN and not making it corny and writing Cas and Crowley’s most dramatic love confessions… 12x04 was my personal reassurance that Dabb era was going to care about Sam again after Carver neglected to deal with his shit for 4 years while dumping on him in the narrative, and Davy betrays the old Gamble sam girl traits of doing stuff like tying him up and telling us in the same breath his heart is worth 100x its weight in gold :P

His episodes are wacky and fun in a way that draws blood and makes you seriously fear for the characters, even ones you think are fine and can’t possibly die in that episode, and his darkness frequently takes what looks like it could have been a Buckleming brief and makes you care about the characters they’ve been mauling all season in their own mis-applied love of writing the villains. You NEED someone who loves writing the villains, and Davy has a real relish to it that doesn’t woobify or jerk off to their evilness, it just makes them raw and scary to the point where you might actually believe Asmodeus is threatening for half a second, or that Crowley could win season 12, or to sell us on Ketch having a glimmer of a soul.

As for Yockey… I don’t know where Dabb found him but thank GOODNESS he did because sometimes you just need to take a random gay playwright with minimal TV experience, throw them into your writers room, and say, here, go nuts. Yockey has written like half a SPN episode and multiple literal excellent stage plays that are somehow on screen with our characters, which got to the point where in 13x19 I wrote like 40k episode notes while openly weeping because my Literature degree was being yanked so hard :P His nonsense often has multiple amazing side characters, like, sometimes a LOT of amazing side characters, and he knows how to make them all work. He literally has rude mechanicals like in 13x19 and the poor drunk angel. Shakespearean tropes. If you’re ever watching a SPN episode and it’s like why is this person writing for us and not a world famous literary darling? then it’s probably a Yockey episode. I am still struggling with how to handle it, and describe what’s going on, and all I can think is of 12x10 where an article about it literally was like, here is every single episode Cas has ever been in, and how this episode pulled on it and turned it into magic gold. Like, now 4x16 and 6x20 are the straw that Yockey turns to gold. I am too emotionally compromised to write something coherent and non-fangirlish about Yockey because he’s like, #writergoals in a totally bananas set the bar as high as the moon kind of way. He’s got that rare once in a generation talent and dammit I think he counts as my generation, so there goes my chance to be that person :P

And he’s writing for fucking Supernatural.

#Asks

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ayearofpike · 7 years ago

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Magic Fire

Pocket Books, 1999 226 pages, 18 chapters + epilogue ISBN 0-671-02057-9 LOC: CPB Box no. 1726 vol. 8 OCLC: 41501833 Released June 1, 1999 (per Amazon; pretty sure B&N has a typo)

It takes pressure and friction to make a spark. Mark Charm has plenty of both, egged along by the mysterious and lovely new girl at school pushing him for more than he expected in a relationship, and not helped by the death of his mother. Of course, for most people this doesn’t manifest in an actual fire, to say nothing of one that engulfs a major metropolis. And as Mark starts to realize that he has more control over the spark and the flame than he knew, he also learns how he might be under control himself.

We’ve talked about misleading back copy before, but this one goes in so many directions after we meet the characters that there’s just no way it could nail it down. Still, to my mind, it doesn’t even come close. Sure, Mark is a pyromaniac, but he’s burning things to relieve tension in his own mind, not “just ‘cause.” And before I get too far ahead, I’ll just say that there’s more going on than what is in Mark’s own head.

This book marks a MAJOR turn for Pike in terms of thematic content. Like, maybe he noticed just how much of his writing was starting to follow the same patterns and tropes, and realized that it was time to do something completely different. The meditation guided through understandings of Eastern religion is still there, but: no powerful blood, no time travel, no genetic memories, no saviors of light, no burial in one’s own grave, not even ONE fourth-dimensional space lizard. Two books from the end of his contract, he’s finally giving us an entirely new story.

And it’s kind of a choppy one. I mentioned how it jumps all over the place, and we’ll get there in the recap. This was another book that I didn’t remember, that has a tight binding that indicates maybe I only read it once. (Although you may note the bite mark in the corner ... at the very least a dog, probably the puppy my parents got not long after this book came out, was interested in it.) As such, I started to get annoyed about not following the narrative and why it was making so many unexpected and unforeshadowed turns. But slowly, as I read, I started to remember the twist. It’s a big one (but maybe not so big if you were up on sci-fi in 1999) and it does a lot to justify why this narrative arc has so many loop-de-loops, some of which flatly don’t make any sense.

The story takes place in an alternate near-future Los Angeles, which isn’t really specified but we get senses of being out of time through the character’s words and actions. Mark is in a theater watching the new girl, Jessa Welling, star in a play about a witch. She’s such a good actress and such a good fit for the role that Mark starts to wonder if she wrote the play. But that’s not the only reason he hopes to get to know her better. In fact, he’s here at the play’s closing performance to try to talk to her. And he does, and she’s receptive, but he kind of flubs it and leaves too soon. He does want to go see his mom, though, who is sick in the hospital with cancer. And these two events, back to back, create this tension that he has to relieve somehow.

So he fills up a gas can and burns down a house. One that’s under construction — Mark is always very careful to avoid hurting people when he sets fires. He’s been doing it for a while now, as his mother gets worse and he feels his life spiraling out of control. Maybe it’s ironic, or maybe there’s some deeper psychology at play, because his dad was a firefighter who was killed in action when he was ten. But this time Mark lights the fire in the upstairs master bedroom, and realizes as it spreads quickly that he has to get out, only maybe he won’t. But he does ... weirdly, it’s almost like the fire moves out of his way so he can.

Jessa catches up with him at school the next day, while he’s eating a turkey sandwich. (Oh yeah, I forgot that’s a Pike pattern, all the turkey sandwiches.) She’s smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer — ON CAMPUS — so it shouldn’t surprise him that she wants him to ditch school with her and go to the beach. It also shouldn’t surprise him that she has a harder drug to share with him. The drug, MAZE, is a psychoactive hallucinogen similar to LSD. Mark knows this, but doesn’t remember at first until Jessa reminds him. The gap in his memory bothers him, but not enough to not smoke it. Then he starts seeing aliens harvesting brains from humans and putting them in tanks of blue liquid on his TV, but the TV is off. He also has the overwhelming feeling that the world is not what it seems, and that Jessa knows a lot more than she’s letting on, and that she should just be forthcoming and honest with it. She cries and tells him that all she wants is him, and that she wants to tell him her story while she has him.

Mark wakes up in the middle of the night, and Jessa is gone, and he doesn’t remember anything they said or did after climbing into bed, least of all her story. What he does remember is that he hasn’t talked to his mom at all during the day, and so he figures he’ll drop in on the hospital and check on her while she’s sleeping. Only she’s not in her room — the nurse baldly and candidly and pitilessly tells him that Mrs. Charm died that evening. And if seeing her labor to sleep the night before was hard, it’s even worse that she died and Mark wasn’t with her. So now he has to burn something big. And what’s bigger than a city?

He’s thought it out. He knows where to steal a gas truck, where to drive it to cause the most damage, how to get the fire going. But he doesn’t have his lighter with him, weirdly. So he steals a bike and rides it home, where Jessa is waiting on the steps. And she knows he lights fires, and she wants to help him with this one. What happened to not hurting people? Well, if there’s one thing Jessa has said without fail since they started talking, it’s that it’s not possible for either of them or anyone else to get hurt through their actions. How can she know this? We’ll get there.

They drench the bushes along the side of an access road that surrounds his neighborhood, but when he lights the gas at one end the fire stops before it runs the whole trail. He races to the break and lights the next section, but then there’s another break a farther distance away, and now the fire at the first part is threatening the fumes of the empty tanker truck. The pressure is building, though, to keep the fire going, and as he thinks it the fire jumps the gap and races down the whole road. He doesn’t get back to the truck in time to stop it exploding, though. Jessa is thrown clear, but her legs are badly burned and she can’t walk. So now Mark has to carry her out of this neighborhood, which is literally SURROUNDED by fire. He finds a drainage tunnel in a valley and they hide out in it, but she can’t crawl and he can’t carry her and it heats up and they pass out, figuring they’re goners.

But they’re not! Mark wakes up in a fancy penthouse apartment, with windows facing his area of destruction. Jessa is beside him in bed, and they’ve both been cleaned up and bandaged. Before he has too much time to think about it, a man in black walks in and says he’s saved them, for the reason that Mark has power over fire and he needs his help. To prove his power, the man in black pulls out a tube of cream and heals Mark’s burns instantly, saying that he’ll do the same for Jessa once they work for him. So they ride out to the desert, to this nondescript compound two hours from anywhere, where Mark can start to hone his ability.

What do they need Mark to do? Well, apparently there’s been an alien invasion, and the aliens hide among us and are manipulating us, and his fire can burn out their computers and put a stop to it. How can he do it from the desert? Well, the computer is closer than he thinks, everyone says, but also he’ll be able to do it psychically from a distance. He just has to think of the thing he wants to burn and it’ll burn. But how can he think of something he doesn’t know and has never seen? Well, it turns out — as Mark seems to see ahead into the meta-narrative and feels like all of this was already written, like everyone, even he, knew the fire would work because it was so prescribed — that Jessa knew who he was, that she coaxed him into feeling his power, and that she’s now using her own pain to help the Man in Black manipulate Mark. Because she’s been recruited to the cause already, and her power is that not only can she see into somewhere else but that she can take people along with her. And that’s how they’re going to see the computer so Mark can destroy it.

Still, she beseeches, just because she works for this shadowy organization doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love Mark. She tells him a little more about the invasion: apparently it happened ten years ago (or maybe two; she slips a little bit, making Mark think she’s still lying) and the aliens are more all-seeing than anyone could know. And as they get into the alien center to see where they need to be, it becomes clear just how much. The alien center, you see, is a vast complex of blue tanks full of human brains. Our brains. Mark’s brain, in particular, which bobs up next to him and he just knows it’s his. It’s what he saw on MAZE, made painfully real. And this is what Jessa meant in it not being possible for them to get hurt: they have no bodies to hurt and no environment to hurt them.

I talked about Pike predating The Matrix before, with his roof-running helicopter-stealing Last Vampire. By the time this book was released, the movie had been out a couple months, but to my memory it would still take a few more before we really started to appreciate what it had done for sci-fi storytelling. The idea of reality taking place inside our brains certainly wasn’t new, but it’s interesting that these two stories would take such a similar approach to it. Mark quickly learns that yes, by human perception the invasion was ten years ago, but the aliens probably froze us before returning to their planet some 420 light-years away. Now, in what’s probably closer to the 26th century ECE (Earth Common Era) than the 21st, what we know as Earth is what it likely would have continued as if we had corporeality and were still on the planet, but in a simulation that is more controllable by the aliens — who, by the way, planted primitive versions of themselves on various planets to see and study how they might grow and evolve in such an environment. Yes: they are us and we are them.

So if Mark kills the computer, he’s basically killing human society. He is disabling the mechanism by which these billions of brains continue to function as people. Does he have that right? The Man in Black (or should I just start calling him Morpheus?) argues that it’s a responsibility: that we should save our race from being manipulated by these higher aliens because no matter what we might think or feel, our lives are not our own. Jessa agrees, but she also has a plan to overtake the bodies of the two computer techs minding the simulation, so that she and Mark won’t go down with the ship, and they can stay together. There aren’t a whole lot of options, she says — to which Mark responds that it’s kind of like being trapped in a maze.

It takes a little more convincing that I’m glossing over, but Mark eventually agrees to this plan. Jessa’s psychic ability allows her to force the tech’s souls out of their bodies so she and Mark can jump in, and then instead of disabling the computer he uses his fire to boil the tanks, making sure that no brains survive and the aliens can’t keep the experiment going. There’s a brief inquiry, but nobody believes that either of these two highly-placed scientists would have ruined their experiment on purpose, so they’re sent home.

Mark and Jessa do inherit the latent memories of the bodies they occupy, so they know that they’re a couple with a young child. But neither of them really seems to know what that means until she gets home from school. Mark is surprised by the depth of his love for the kid, and taken aback at how Jessa apparently has none. In fact, she immediately starts planning to book a spaceship and fly BACK to Earth, WITHOUT the child, so that they can be free and alone together. It’s going to involve hijacking a powerful science vessel and remote-burning the brains of all the crew to get home, but Jessa is insistent. Mark eventually convinces her that they need to bring the child because otherwise it’ll be suspicious, and another 420 years of extended hibernation later they land on the island that used to be Los Angeles.

It’s not habitable without the tech from the ship, but Jessa wants to make it so, to get to a point where they don’t need “alien” help as soon as possible. In fact, she often goes into the wilderness, where the animals have taken over and become more populous, without any high-tech way to defend herself or call for help. It’s on one of these trips that their daughter dies, slipping and falling into the ocean and being dashed against a concrete pillar by a huge wave. Of course Mark wasn’t with them, so he didn’t see it. But now he’s starting to see more than she wanted him to ... more than he should, even. He sees that everything he’s seen so far has only been what she wanted him to see, even in the desert and on the alien planet and in the spaceships. And how could that be unless she had constructed the very existence around them? And if all of this is a construct, how is it possible to be happy? Is that what Jessa meant the whole time about not getting hurt?

She knows. She acknowledges. But she won’t leave with him.

And suddenly Mark is waking up in a dingy clinic in Mexico in 2010, with wires coming out of his head and his younger sister warning him not to come back too quickly. The clinic, it turns out, is called MAZE: Mental Alteration Zeitgeist Expansion. It’s a technology that allows you to bypass your senses and have information sent directly to your brain, to escape reality and live in a simulation of your mind’s own making. Jessa has been under for a year, and she’s slowly dying, and Mark went into her simulation to try to get her out. Only she wouldn’t come: she would rather die in her fantasy than survive in reality.

So everything we’ve read, this whole story, was constructed by Jessa for the inside of Mark’s brain based on what she already knew about him — not just the narrative arc, but the mother dying (even though his mom is fine), the pyromania and pyrokinesis (because he liked watching fires), the love for a child (that resembles his sister), all of it. Only here in the epilogue do we get Mark’s actual brain bemoaning Jessa’s end and wondering why it was so critical that he not have anyone but her ... but also questioning his own reality a little bit.

And the Matrix goes deeper. I hadn’t seen it at the time I read this — but I HAD read Grant Naylor’s Better Than Life, which posited a similar technology and built the narrative in a similar way, so I wasn’t totally blown away by the twist ending. If I hadn’t read that one, though, I probably would have been super pissed here. Talk about your St. Elsewhere ending, the “it was all a dream” completely wiping out all that came before. Sure, it’s justified once you get there, but Pike doesn’t give quite enough time and description to show how MAZE might be desirable, or ESPECIALLY what it was about Jessa, what happened to her, that made her want to escape into her own mind. And he could have: he teases at her story early on, but it never comes back. Like, this is top-five among his longest YA books, and he only gives five pages (if that) to “here’s what actually happened,” and it’s ALL MARK. (Die Softly, the longest, gives a lot more credence to what the villain thought and where she was coming from in the end.) He's acknowledged the end is rushed, too ... I wonder if we can chalk that up to more publisher politics.

There’s some contextual homework to do to really understand and appreciate Magic Fire. I’m not mad at this book — in fact, it’s quite admirable that Pike wove so many layers into the story of how-deep-does-the-simulation-go in a YA book. Still, this was 1999, and we were already starting to see the effect Harry Potter had on youth literature. There was room to go even deeper and explore more about this climate, context, and rationale that put Mark and Jessa into such a tenuous situation. If Pike had done that, maybe he’d have been able to keep up his presence as an author. But maybe he couldn’t, or maybe he just didn’t want to.

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thiskindofshootingstar · 7 years ago

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Offered First - One-Shot

Hey guys, I did a super short, but angsty (because I have learned I can’t write anything else) post-s5 one-shot of Octavia and Clarke. Pretty simple premise, inspired by my meta on Octavia and the Elements (which you can read here but it’s super long and not necessary for the fic), it’s basically just about Clarke being the first one to reach out and offer Octavia a second chance.

You can read it on ao3 or below the cut.

This landing wasn’t nearly as free and uproarious as the first one she had experienced. Everyone was much more cautious, looking around in awe, but keeping close together. After all, this wasn’t a group of juvenile delinquents that had never seen trees before. Even the grounders, who she would’ve expected to be a bit more flabbergasted at the soaring city buildings, seemed more scared than excited.

They’re remembering the City of Light. The thought hit Clarke hard. She would have to help with that—they didn’t want another grounder exploding a building to get rid of the evil tech.

Everyone filed out of the Eligius and was welcomed by the new world’s existing inhabitants, albeit a bit warily. That seemed to be everyone. Clarke turned back to the mayor who was talking about where they would set everyone up for the time being. Movement at the Eligius caught her eye.

Octavia stepped out of the shadow of the ship. The breeze puffed at her face and hair softly, like an old friend. Octavia closed her eyes and inhaled deep. For a brief moment, she looked more at peace than Clarke had ever seen her, but it vanished as soon as she opened her eyes. Octavia stepped off of the ramp hesitantly, a marked contrast to her jumping down as “the first person on the ground in 100 years.” Instead of joining the group, she slipped off to the side, heading for a spot away from all the people that had crowned her blodreina before deposing her in favor of another Commander.

“She’s been lost for so long,” Madi was beside her, looking at Octavia as she went. Madi looked up at Clarke gently. “She could use some help finding herself again.”

Clarke pressed her lips together in a stern line.

“She threatened to kill you, Madi.”

“She knelt to me. She supported me in the battle. She saved your mom and Kane, even after he betrayed her. She was going to die so Bellamy, Gaia, and Indra could escape after they tried to overthrow her.” Madi stated simply. She looked up at Clarke, a bit challenging this time. “She bore it alone for six years. She’s forgiven everyone… but she can’t forgive herself.” Madi smiled a bit to soften the sting. “Sounds like someone I know.”

Clarke looked at Madi, but knew that that last line was coming from someone else.

“Forgiving yourself is easier when someone else offers it first.” Madi watched Clarke for a moment longer, before turning and walking off with the others. Clarke let out a shaky breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding in.

***

Octavia followed the sound of bubbling water, but in the middle of a neighborhood, it was a fountain she found instead of a river. The double sunlight glinted off the trickling water fiercely, making it look as if it was lit from within. There was no one around, the inhabitants of the town having gone out to see the new visitors from space, so Octavia sat down, finally free from the hostile or pitying looks that followed her everywhere on the Eligius ship. Not long ago, she would’ve been angry, would’ve snapped at everyone who glared or scoffed or shook their head. But all her anger was gone, burned up with the earth they left behind.

A shoe scuffed on the ground behind her. Octavia closed her eyes. Apparently this spot wasn’t removed enough. Hopefully they would just pass by, leave her be.

Instead, she heard the intruder come closer, until they sat down a few feet away from her. It was Clarke.

“You’re not going to swim in this one are you? Though I expect there’s no worms in it.” Clarke’s words were light but they sounded forced, tense. Octavia didn’t respond and Clarke looked down at her lap.

“You don’t have to worry. I’m not gonna kill anyone,” Octavia tried to be sardonic, but it just came out sad. Clarke sighed.

“I’m not worried about that,” Clarke said. Octavia finally looked over at her, brow raised. Clarke rolled her eyes. “Okay, maybe it crossed my mind once or twice. But that’s not why I came.”

She didn’t continue, and Octavia didn’t question her further. Clarke was clearly struggling with this, but finally managed to get the words out.

“I know what you did. In the bunker. During the Dark Year.”

There it was. Octavia looked down at her lap, her hair falling like curtains to block her face from Clarke.

“I know why you did it.” Clarke continued, softer. “I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. And…” Clarke hesitated and took in a deep breath. “I’m sorry you had to bear it alone.”

Octavia had to fight so hard to control the raking sob that threatened to come out at those words. She maintained her outward composure, but the words absolutely floored her.

“Listen, if you need—” Clarke stopped herself abruptly. It took her a moment before she continued. “I know what it’s like to be forced to do something so terrible you can hardly live with yourself. It seems impossible to forgive yourself, but—“

“Have you forgiven yourself?” Octavia interrupted, turning to her. “For Mount Weather? Tondc? Finn?” It came out too harsh. Clarke gasped a bit. It seemed she had been fighting to hold herself together too.

Clarke raised her face to meet Octavia’s eyes.

“Some of it.” Clarke nodded. “Most of it. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to truly forgive myself entirely. But I’ve made peace with my decisions.” Clarke titled her head a bit. “It’s hard to forgive yourself. But if it makes it any easier, I forgive you.”

“I don’t deserve forgiveness,” Octavia replied.

“Maybe not. But forgiveness isn’t something you deserve, it’s something given.”

Octavia didn’t respond, and Clarke didn’t say anything else after. She stayed for a while, the two women sitting in a silence heavy with emotion from past burdens, but then she got up and left Octavia to her thoughts and the water trickling in the fountain and falling from her cheeks.

#the 100 fanfiction #the 100 #octavia blake #clarke griffin #fanfic #my writing #this has been sitting in my docs folder gathering dust for months so I figured I shouldactually post it #I would love to hear anyone's thoughts on it

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renaroo · 8 years ago

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The Things That Wait (1/4)

Disclaimer: Red vs Blue and related characters are the property of Rooster Teeth. Warnings: CHARACTER DEATH, Language, Canon-typical violence, Psychological manipulation and trauma Rating: T Synopsis: [Reverse Big Bang Entry] Tucker opens an unexpected email that ends up sending himself and all of the Reds and Blues toward a collision course with the unexpected and the completely deadly. In doing so, they face a beast familiar to many of them -- the Meta -- whose single minded efforts to complete himself with what remains of the Project Freelancer AIs could spell the death for more than a few of them..

A/N: AT LAST! My entry for the Reverse Big Bang held by @rvbficwars in collaboration with my sister from another mister, always lovely and enjoyable beyond compare @theeffar who made me SO pleased by giving me an excuse to create a real Horror Story for an RvB fic -- the one genre I’ve really wanted to try out in RvB but have so far -- until right now -- not had the opportunity for!

The Reverse Big Bang was a blast and working with Effar is, as always, a blast. So very much thank you to the other mods of the blog for running such a smooth, tight ship and for working with me in all my silliness and the confusion of the last few weeks as I tried to straighten out my evolving situation.

The final wordcount for this chapter is 5454 exactly, and the overall wordcount for this four-part fic should be 24k! So YAY! I hope it’s as enjoyable to read as it was to write!

Starting at Zero

One thing they neglected to tell Tucker about being promoted and reassigned was just how fucking boring it was going to be. Which one wouldn’t have thought because, for one, he was having to work with the exact aliens that had been trying to wipe out the entirety of the human race for the whole Great War. That, alone, should have been full of excitement.

But fighting aliens was a lot less dangerous than being worshipped by them, and as much as Tucker’s self-proclaimed ego might have determined otherwise, he was not enjoying the constant drooling of four-jawed creatures who were constantly trying to touch his kid.

Which was weird and creepy.

The other thing they hadn’t told him about his assignment was that he was not the only one to be sent on it. That, as it turned out, happened to be one of the nicer surprises. What with Donut not being the least likable person on the planet. Even for a Red.

Not that Reds and Blues were real.

Maybe that was why they assigned him to the stupid desert in the middle of nowhere. The fact that he could not pretend that Reds and Blues were still a thing, even when Caboose and Church didn’t act like Tucker had more than proven his point.

Somewhat paranoid, Tucker wondered if that had put him on some kind of blacklist. Which didn’t make sense — they promoted him to Private First Class and gave him a cushy job that was basically hanging out with his kid and babysitting some touring diplomats. Even if it had meant all but freakin’ dehydrating in the desert, that was a lot better off than most of the crew from Blood Gulch had been.

He thought. Maybe.

Tucker wasn’t really good with details at the moment.

Especially when he was sitting by his sleeping son, boredly playing solitaire through his HUD, and wondering idly if their alien tourists would get bored of the sand covered pyramids yet so they could move on to a different, better part of the planet.

Like one where actual women were stationed.

After all, last he saw Kaikaina she was still in Blood Gulch and making him pay ransom for the nudes she took of his tramp stamp. And lat he saw Tex…

Well, last he saw of Tex, the closest thing he had to a non-guy friend, she had gone evil, kidnapped his son, and blown up a ship to disappear forever.

Tucker’s life was fucking weird.

He was mulling over the details, and some fleeting thoughts of his career, when the solitaire matte before his eyes suddenly exploded into a flash of white that too him off guard.

The surprise of it made him jump, which only served as an annoyance later when he was left with the realization that it was just a new email alert popping up over his helmet’s HUD.

“Ugh, that’s fucking annoying,” he decided before checking on the email anyway.

While he didn’t exactly have any expectations for what the email was going to pertain to, nothing could have surprised Tucker more than the answer he got. His debit card’s automatic payments had been declined.

“What the hell,” Tucker said out loud, straightening up and glaring at the email before attempting to open his military payroll.

His small utterances had been enough to cause Junior to roll over and sleepily yawn, his rows of teeth clattering together as he did so. The little alien child was looking at Tucker a little bit expectantly.

“Sorry, bud, just go back to sleep,” Tucker tried to assure his kid only for his body to go rigid at the next alert he received. Account not found. “What the…”

Junior woke up even more, sitting up in his bed and chattering nonsense alien blabber at Tucker that he couldn’t be bothered to translate. He then leaned in, looking even more concerned.

“Hold on a sec, kiddo,” Tucker all but ordered before looking over from their bunks to Donut’s bunks. “Hey! Psst! Donut! Donut, wake up! There’s something up with our accounts! Money’s not getting transferred or some bullshit! Do you know how much debt I’ve got riding on being paid off by automatic payments? I’ll give you a preview: it’s fucking staggering!”

With a yawn and stretch, Donut turned in his bunk and looked across the way at Tucker and Junior. The desert had done nothing to diminish his much self-care Donut did, so him turning to look their way required removing his sleeping mask and Tucker and Junior both acclimating to the fact that Donut’s face was covered in some disgusting black mask.

“Tucker, why’re you still awake?” he yawned. “Aren’t we going hiking to the tallest temple tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’m so excited that I can’t sleep,” Tucker replied flatly. “Put on your helmet and check your military account. It’s saying I’m not in the system anymore!”

“How’re you supposed to get paid?” Donut asked, reaching over and grabbing his own helmet.

“That’s the problem!” Tucker groaned in return.

“Okay, okay, calm down,” Donut replied, putting his helmet on, clicking it into place as quickly as he could. The moment everything was aligned, Tucker could see the lights to Donut’s helmet come on and his visor light up. It was kind of like plugging into the Matrix. But being allowed to keep your eyebrows. “What am I looking for again?”

“Account log in,” Tucker answered. “I’m not showing up at all!”

“Huh,” Donut answered without elaboration.

Groaning, Tucker grabbed the sides of his helmet. “Yours too? Maybe it’s just the system’s down?”

“Oh, no, I logged in automatically,” Donut said with a casual flip of his wrist. “I just have more money than I realized. Sc-a-whooore!”

Annoyed, Tucker narrowed his eyes. “Wow, congrats. That’s really fucking comforting.”

“Why? You need a loan?” Donut asked, folding his fingers together.

“No! I was being sarcastic. Like… dude! What the fuck’s going on? Why can’t I find my account?” Tucker asked just before another flash of white crossed his HUD, that time making him yelp and fall back out of his chair.

Donut and Junior both looked at him without moving even an inch to check on him.

“You know, you really should unplug from your helmet more often,” Donut said with a shrug. “Having technology hardwired to your brain twenty-four seven can’t be all that good for you. Or else we would have just all gone Ghost in the Shell ages ago.”

“Gone Matrix, dude,” Tucker corrected. “And I’m fine, it’s just my email alert caught me by surprise.”

“If you say so,” Donut sang, already beginning to take his helmet back off. “That must be whatever troubleshooter was wrong with your stuff. You know how tech is! Sometimes it makes you get in from behind and earn it!”

“No, Donut, I don’t know what that means,” Tucker scoffed, opening the email. “Huh, that’s weird. What the fuck’s going on? It’s all encrypted and shit. Like. it’s a whole page of numbers and bullshit! That’s not going to help me pay my debt off to sassysluts dot com!”

“You pay for porn?” Donut asked in mild concern. “I had no idea being straight was so hard. I just go to Harry Potter sites—“

“I don’t pay for it, I just… sometimes click download when I shouldn’t,” Tucker answered. “It’s asking me to download. I’m totally clicking it because, unlike porn, it’s my email. And viruses never come from emails.”

“I don’t know, Tucker, downloading an unknown email to a helmet connected to your brain seems like a real bad idea,” Donut tried to argue, but of course Tucker had already accepted anyway.

Junior was clicking his jaws in concern and in general looking disturbed.

“Oh my god it’s saying it’s only two percent downloaded,” Tucker whined. “What’ve I done!?”

“You let a stranger in through your backdoor and know you’re going to wake up with regrets in the morning,” Donut responded.

“Okay, you’re no help,” Tucker began to snap when he felt it.

It started with another white flash before his eyes, something that finally didn’t make him jump the way the others before it had, but unsettled him into silence all the same. He was anticipating for the flash to fade back and allow him to move on with his conversation or, at the very least, his download when a harsh chill moved its way down his spine.

The same implants which allowed Tucker to have access to his HUD were beginning to burn, like a computer on overdrive, Like they were running too much, too fast, and the skin around it was burning. He wanted to reach back toward it to yank the metal from his flesh but he couldn’t move. Something was stopping the impulse, like an electric jolt overriding his nerves and sparking in the back of his mind in reverse.

He let out a cry of surprise and stomach churning horror at the sensation. It hurt. It fucking hurt and he was more surprised by the development than anyone.

Vaguely, he could hear his name being called and blarghed nearby him but things were turning inward on him very fast and with a lot of power.

All he knew is it all goddamn hurt and he couldn’t make it stop.

His HUD flashed something other than white for a second, though his brain could hardly process it through the shock and pain. It only really made sense to him later. Ten percent.

His neck, the base of his skull, was scalding and he was sure he was yelling, but he couldn’t hear. It was all white.

Before it said twenty percent he was unconscious entirely.

There were a lot of ways the dream usually started. A few things were the same — the familiar surroundings of his quarters in Blood Gulch, the humidity of an unending arid, summer day, and the complaining. The complaining was probably the most constant of the constants.

After all, you didn’t really spend the better part of five years with someone and not have their quirks imprinted on the front of your skull. Visible every time you closed your eyes.

It was a mark of either torture or a genuine friendship. And it was only someone like Church who could have made the two nigh indistinguishable.

Usually that voice was joined by another — his own, Caboose’s, Tex’s. Less common, the Reds would be there, joining in with the blanket complaints. Tucker liked to think it was a sign that he at the very least had enough self respect to limit his dreams to Blue Base, but it wasn’t always true.

In fact, it was infrequently true enough that hearing Donut interject in the middle of Church’s usual string of complaints was actually not even all that shocking.

“Wow, I can’t believe that just like that, you’d insert into another man like that! I think usually you’d err on the side of caution and at least give them some preparation!”

“What the fuck do you want from me, dude? I panicked! I was haunting a fucking email. It was about as quick thinking as I could get. Plus, you know Tucker. What are the chances he’d open an email titled Warning, Fucking Ghost Inside, Prepare to Have Your Shit Wrecked!”

“I mean, it sounds like the title of a porno.”

There was a thoughtful pause.

“Okay, fair enough. Tucker’s the one jackass that would open anything remotely pornographic. You know, he’s had his identity stolen, like, twelve times! Just since I’ve known him!”

“Is that a lot?”

“Yeah, Donut! It’s a fucking lot! Though, honestly, maybe it wasn’t stolen and he’s just lying as an excuse for why my credit had to be used every time we ordered something for the goddamn base. Between him and Tex, it’s amazing that I didn’t die sooner just to get out of paying interest.”

There was a cooing noise, closer to Tucker’s face that suddenly sprung the marine from drifting between consciousness to full alert. A fatherly instinct that told him that as much as nothing seemed unusual about Church whining and Donut being… himself, he would never ever have a dream where he let Church around Junior without full supervision.

“Dude!” Tucker gasped, jolting awake and sitting up only to partially collapse backwards when the dizziness pounded him, face first.

There were still spots in his vision as Donut fell back, being caught by Donut almost tenderly.

“Hey! Slow down there! You’ve had a lot put in you while you’re out!” Donut said soothingly, if not nonsensically.

Beside him, leaning in close over Tucker’s other shoulder, Junior was fine and visibly unhurt. Concern, though, was racking the young alien’s face as he looked over Tucker worriedly. His jowls clattered together in a series of noises that probably should have been easier for Tucker to decipher, but with his headache and the general confusion of the moment, were just about meaningless.

“I… I thought I was hearing Church…” Tucker babbled confusedly, reaching up to rub at his eyes only to awkwardly discover his helmet was on. Something that he probably should have figured out with his HUD activated, but in his defense he also hadn’t had any idea what else was going on in the moment. “That was… man, that was weird as fuck. Desert’s getting to me.”

“Uh… I don’t know about that…” Donut half sang as he gently guided Tucker back to leaning against a wall.

Tucker began to sober up rather quickly at that, looking directly at Donut with surprise. “Wait! Church is here? I was really hearing him? Holy shit! Where is he? Why hasn’t he ever wrote me back! Dude, you better not be telling me he was going on adventures without me. I would be so pissed — oh fuck. Did he bring Caboose? Fucking bet he brought Caboose. Ugh. Never mind. I need you to grab one of those stupid big rocks the aliens worship and use it to knock me out before Caboose gets here.”

Donut hesitated, as if he was considering the offer, when the moment was interrupted by that familiar, angry voice.

“Hey, jackass! I didn’t bring anyone but myself! And that was already hard as hell, so if you’re not dying or anything I’d like to take a rest or something,” Church snapped at Tucker.

Ah, just like old times.

“Dude! Church! Did you hear what I was asking? Do you have any answers? Do you want to yell them at me? Can I video tape it so I have something to yell at me when you decide to completely fuck off the face of the planet again?” Tucker asked, whipping his head back and forth. The action was causing the pressure behind his eyes to build and the dizziness to only intensify, but Tucker didn’t care. It was worth it to see his friend again.

Of course, it was a little disheartening to not be rewarded with seeing Church.

“Calm down, your vitals are jumping all over the fucking place,” Church snapped.

Tucker squinted. “Vitals?”

“Yeah, I’m haunting your armor. Which fucking sucks, by the way. Why’s your chest piece a size too small?”

“Right!? I’ve been trying to tell people that for ages but no one believes me about how much it chaffs my nipples!” Tucker yelled. “My superior officer always…. told me to shut up and to put matters into my own hands…”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Shut up. And if it bothers you, put matters into your own hands—“ Church began to say only to stop short and hum. “Huh. Okay. I get it.”

“Yeah, plus I definitely took that advice, and that’s why I made my special rock,” Tucker informed him. “But it never helped with the nipple stuff.”

“Gross,” Church replied flatly.

“You had a rock, too!?” Donut cried out excitedly.

“GROSS!” Church repeated. “Okay, seriously, we’re derailing from the actually important shit. Which is getting you guys going while I take a momentary snooze.”

“Going where? Why the hell would we be going anywhere for you?” Tucker asked. “I can’t even see you, dude! It’s making it super confusing to talk to you! And what the fuck is this shit about you hiding in my armor!?”

“What? No! I’m not hiding in your armor, I’m haunting it!” Church snapped.

“I don’t know, Church! It sounded a lot like hiding from the asshole rather than embracing it to me,” Donut corrected, folding his arms. “And trust me, I should know!”

“What!?” Church and Tucker yelled in unison.

“The asshole you were telling me about.” Donut clarified.

“Ah, gotcha,” Church responded. “Okay, that makes sense.”

Hairs prickling on the back of his neck, Tucker raised up his hands over his head. “What the fuck are you doing in my armor!?”

“Oh, calm down. You’re so insecure,” Church snapped. “I’m haunting your armor. And it’s not because I’m hiding from that asshole fucker Agent Washington.”

Tucker reached for his helmet achingly. “Agent what? Okay, seriously, Church, I can’t concentrate on the bullshit you’re saying if I can’t see you. It’s weirding me out! You sound so fucking close and it’s just creepy that I can’t see you!”

“Jesus, Tucker, have you never talked on a cellphone before? Fucksake,” Church groaned.

Without much more hesitation, however, the former Blue leader presented himself. Or what Tucker could only assume was Church presenting himself. It looked like Church, but in his supposed ghost form — glowing white and transparent. Still in his regular armor and with a sniper rifle.

And also super fucking small, floating just a few feet in front of Tucker’s shoulder, like a pirate’s parrot waiting to perch.

“Happy? Better be because I’m fucking exhausted after emailing myself here and explaining everything to Donut already,” Church snapped. “And making myself visible for the most sensitive guy on the planet is only draining me more!”

“Hey, ladies love the sensitivity,” Tucker corrected him.

“Do they? I know I do,” Donut added unnecessarily.

Junior tilted his head and gave a signature Bow Chicka Honk Honk.

Tucker, having spent more than enough time in the desert with him, just gave Donut a frustrated glance and shrugged his hands at him expectantly. “Dude, what’ve I said before?”

“You say a lot of things to me, Tucker, but I usually forget them after Tequila O’Clock, and so do you,” Donut reminded him.

“I leave you for a year and you’ve completely canoodled with the enemy,” Church stated flatly to Tucker.

“You mean colluded, and I didn’t collude with anyone!” Tucker argued.

“I know what I said and now you’re just changing subjects,” Church said pointedly.

“Why’re you haunting my armor and why are you hiding from this Agent Asshole?” Tucker asked somewhat seriously.

“I just told you I’m exhausted from haunting that email. Why can’t you ask Donut? He has the four-one-one,” Church argued.

“Uh, because I want to be able to take it seriously and not have… embellishments,” Tucker said, eyeing Donut a bit, though the Red seemed far from offended.

“Ugh, forget it,” Church groaned. “Long story short, there was a whole lot of bullshit that went down, Agent-Fucking-Washington got me and Caboose together again. We went looking for Tex. Didn’t find shit. And then Washington decided to blow up some dead bodies before telling me that Tex and I aren’t ghosts but we’re computer AIs from this Project Freelancer bullshittery!”

Tucker blinked. “Yeah, checks out,” he said flatly. “Wait, is this guy just an asshole because he pointed out the obvious?”

“It’s not obvious because it’s not true! I’m a ghost and so is Tex, and this entire goddamn planet is the worst kind of purgatory imaginable,” Church huffed angrily.

“Ghosts that get downloaded into armor to haunt them, sure,” Tucker rolled his eyes.

“Don’t fuck with me now, dude, I’m high strung and tired so I need to—“

“Reboot?” Tucker snickered.

“Tucker. I’m telling you, dude, don’t fuck with me right now. I just got exploded-dead by Washington already. I don’t need any additional bullshit,” Church hissed.

“Is that why you’re tired and think he’s an asshole?” Tucker asked, a note of concern in his voice despite his best efforts to suppress it.

“Oh! This is where it gets really interesting,” Donut informed Tucker. He looked like he would have been right at home snacking on some popcorn at that moment.

“No, he’s an asshole because he’s an asshole,” Church affirmed. “And I’m tired because in order to email myself to you before shit went down, I had to use that bastard Wyoming’s time-thingy to send me back before I died and, like, thirty minutes before you, coincidentally enough, sent out a distress signal to the building we were exploding.”

“Wait… you went back in time?” Tucker asked, baffled. “I’m about to send out an emergency signal!? And what’s this bullshit about you exploding a building? Do you need us to go, like, stop that?”

Church let out an annoyed sigh. “Oh my god, you’re really not accepting the fact that I’m tired and Donut has all the info you need.”

“I’ve been with Donut for, like, eighteen months, dude. You’re my best least-hated friend and I’ve not talked to you once since all this shit went down.” He paused for a moment before frowning at Church’s image. “I’ve missed you.”

“Awesome,” Church replied flatly. “Noted. Prepare to miss me even more on your guys’ way to Valhalla.”

“Valhalla?” Tucker asked curiously. “Is that where the explosion is? Wait! Where’s Caboose? Do we need to save him? I’m proficient at saving Churches, but that’s got a, like, fifty percent less chance of happening if Caboose is around!”

“TUCKER! Let me sleep, goddamn!” Church screeched. “Turning off. Sneak yourself and Donut out of here and start toward Valhalla already before shit goes down.”

“Wait!” Tucker cried out only for Church to disappear with an audible click.

He looked at the vacant space where Church had been but as hard as Tucker looked, Church didn’t pop back into existence.

Being at least somewhat aware of his father’s distress, Junior let out another worried noise before crawling into Tucker’s lap. It was a small gesture, but it at least gave Tucker reason to reach out and gently take hold of his son. That hold developed into Tucker protectively picking up the young alien messiah as he knew they were, for better or worse, about to race out into unknown circumstances.

“I don’t know what I hate more,” Tucker lamented. “How much he randomly disappears on me, or how much he’ll just pop back up and ruin a decent goodbye.”

Donut’s head tilted curiously. “Was that a decent goodbye?”

“Dude, how long have you known Church?” Tucker asked seriously.

“Fair enough!” Donut responded in a rather chipper tone.

Annoyed, Tucker pursed his lips and looked Donut’s way. “You realize he really is a computer program, right? Like. That’s the only way anything has made sense since Blood Gulch.”

The Red hummed and tapped a finger on the chin of his helmet. “Well, it would fill in some holes. But I think it’d leave some others gaping wide open! Just desperate to be filled!”

“Yeah, but it’s better than everyone having fucking ghosts but only Church and Tex bother to do anything with them,” Tucker pointed out. “You don’t see fucking Crunchbite around, bitching about how to raise Junior! If he was, I’d fucking ghostbust him!”

“I think Sarge had a ghost, though, maybe,” Donut continued.

“Donut, you’re thinking too hard about it,” Tucker decided. “Church is totally an AI. Someone could only be programmed to be that annoying.”

“So Sarge is programmed too…” Donut gasped. “Tucker! How many people do we know who are just computers?”

“Uh… Lopez… Sheila…” Tucker began listing.

“It’s spreading!” Donut yelled out.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Tucker grunted, shifting Junior in his arms before pushing up to his feet. “Are you coming or not?”

“Oh, I’m always ready to come,” Donut replied before spryly leaping to his feet in one smooth motion. “But should we tell the aliens? I mean… we are representing the Peace Corps. And we are taking Space Jesus with us.”

“Hey! Don’t inflate his ego,” Tucker warned, petting Junior’s head to the child’s annoyance. “I told you, Donut, we Tuckers have naturally inflated egos that make us fucking masters at dishing out what the people want, but also stupid dangerous to flatter. With a much bigger ego, we could take over worlds with charisma alone.”

Donut brought a hand to his chin thoughtfully. “Hm, I would like to see evidence of this.”

“Can’t, too dangerous,” Tucker shrugged in response. “Which, by the way, is also why we’re not telling these alien assholes we’re leaving. Church said that he went back in time because I sent a distress signal from here. Which means we were distressed.”

“Makes sense,” Donut nodded.

“And what’s more distressing than getting turned on by a bunch of conservative nut jobs who want to treat an underaged kid like he’s some kind of holy, reverent shit? These guys are totally going to try to kill us!” Tucker decided.

“It must be the one named Clark,” Donut gasped, pounding a fist into his right hand. “I knew not to trust someone named Clark! Who’s ever been a good guy named Clark!?”

“Superman,” Tucker said without hesitation. “Wait, why Clark?”

“Because Church said your emergency mentioned CT, obviously short for the evil known as Clark!” Donut announced.

Tucker merely stared back at the Red. “Donut, if you know that, then you also knew why I was even suggesting we leave without a note! In fact, you know more shit than I do if Church was telling the truth! We’re just wasting time here!”

“I think we’ve been super productive, actually,” Donut said, folding his arms. “I really wasn’t sold on our motivations until you laid everything out there for me like this. Now I’m totally with this new vision. Not exactly my creative decision, but I like it.”

“Okay, forget it, I like flying by the seat of my pants so let’s just head to this Valhalla place and figure out things from there,” Tucker decided.

“Oh! And while we’re on our way, I’ll fill you in on what Church didn’t mention to you!” Donut replied enthusiastically as he followed Tucker toward the vehicles for their camp.

“He’s dead again, this Agent Washington’s an asshole, Church wants us in a place that I swore was something those Thor movies made up but apparently not,” Tucker listed off. “See? Totally got it.”

“Uh, you’ve got the boring relevant stuff,” Donut argued, jumping into the driver’s seat. “He didn’t even start to tell you what Red Team did on their adventure before exploding the building!”

“Red Team was there? Jesus, how the fuck did that not make it to the summary?” Tucker asked, setting Junior in the seat between them and buckling him in.

“Eh. I’d say narrator’s bias,” Donut answered.

He started up the Warthog they were in and before the aliens could even stir awake at their camp, Donut was flooring it and they were bounding out of the desert. It was just Tucker’s hope beyond hope that along with the Red Team shenanigans, Church managed to also tell Donut how to get to the near mythical Valhalla.

Valhalla, as it turned out, was far enough away from the desert temple that an entire body of water and some grassy knolls were along the way before they even got close.

Whether it was sleep or recharging, Church kept true to his word and was a non-presence for the vast majority of the trip. It kept Tucker’s headaches and confusion at bay, but didn’t remove the consistent, low hum from the back of his mind throughout the trip. It really was less and less like any haunting Tucker had ever been aware of and more like some kind of computer virus to his whole body.

Though, when he mentioned the analysis out loud to Donut, he was assured that it made absolutely no sense as an analogy.

Donut’s own biases, however, were just as self evident.

“And that’s why I absolutely cannot believe that Church just left out everything that Sarge, Grif, and Simmons did during the whole adventure! You could really make an argument that they were the whole catalyst for so much of what happened!” Donut argued, driving them through the grassy planes, seemingly oblivious to even the idea that there could have been some sort of pathway or road for them to take instead.

Junior was curled up in Tucker’s lap, trying to sleep despite the off roading unease, so big by then that he was half out of Tucker’s lap entirely.

“Well, I wouldn’t say that it was totally necessary to know everything they did alongside Church, Caboose, and Washington, but it did help make some sense out of all the random elements that came into play,” Tucker agreed.

Looking dissatisfied with the compromise, Donut sniffed and tilted his chin up and away from Tucker. “No appreciation for storytelling,” he surmised.

“Guess not,” Tucker shrugged. He then looked ahead to the direction Donut was guiding them toward. He shifted uncomfortably. “Man. I thought after all that time stuck at that boring temple, seeing some green and life again would be a huge relief but… it’s just kinda unsettling to keep driving through more and more wilderness, y’know?”

“Nope, have no idea what you mean,” Donut shrugged.

“It’s like… at the end of this, are we just going to find some cabin in the woods we have to stay at. Like idiots? And then we do something that unleashes some unholy terror on us? And we’re picked off one by one?”

Donut tilted his head. “Huh. That wouldn’t take too long. There’s only four of us. Three if you and Church count as the same person! Do unholy terrors go after ghosts? I’m not sure. I was never really that religious.”

“Fuck if I know. I one time told a girl dressed up like the Virgin Mary that I’d fill her with some Holy Spirits, and next thing I know middle school Tucker isn’t allowed in any church in all of Detroit!” Tucker deadpanned. It wasn’t the zinger he was hoping for, mostly because Junior was asleep and unavailable for their patented trademark, but also because barely a breath had left his lungs before he was looking ahead and faced with a rather shocking sign laid out before them. He raised up slightly in his seat before settling down again to not disturb Junior. “Whoa! Look how fucking tall that is — holy shit! Are these bases?”

“Yup! Looks like we got to Valhalla — just like Church described, just less destruction. Guess he exaggerated on that part,” Donut said cheerfully just before they pulled over another hill and saw the long stretch of grassland between the two bases. Then, suddenly, they were met with several crashed helicopters, vehicles, and scorching fires around each. Also, in the distance, a familiar wrecked ship could be seen. “Whoops! I stand corrected! My bad,” Donut added.

“Yeah, this isn’t much better than my idea bout the cabin,” Tucker said flatly. He looked around just once before a bright white light flickered on over his shoulder, drawing both his and Donut’s attention toward it. He raised his brows expectantly. “Well, well. Look who joined the world of the living. Finally. Good sleep, Church?”

“Yeah, I’m back to one hundred percent, you could say,” Church replied candidly.

Tucker leaned toward Donut and stage whispered, “Like a battery…”

“Hey, I can hear that, jackass!” he snapped. “Forget that, though, tell me what you guys did about the people who surrounded you.”

“What people?” Donut asked.

No sooner had the exchange completed than the distinct sound of multiple guns clicking to lock their triggers could be heard just behind them.

Church flinched. “Ohhhh.”

Stiffly, Donut and Tucker both glanced to each other and then slowly raised their hands.

“Church,” Tucker said in annoyance, “ghost or computer — doesn’t matter. You’re, like, the worst wingman.”

“Ever. Of all time,” Church added.

“What?” Donut asked.

“How the hell did I give you details about every little thing that happened, and didn’t remember to explain that?” Church asked with annoyance of his own. But it was far from something Tucker could concentrate on.

The real concern, for the moment at least, was figuring out how to get themselves out of the current disaster. And, hopefully, to find out exactly what the hell was going on.

#writing #rvb fic #RvB: The Things That Wait #Lavernius Tucker #Leonard L Church #Franklin Delano Donut #Alpha Church #Tucker Junior

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