#but I am devoting so much ram to running the be normal script
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unfortunately, to make up for being so funny, smart, hot, and queer, I am also deeply mentally ill
#nbd just thinking about how I enjoy things more if the other person doesn't care if I enjoy it#specifically sex like when people care about you they need you to have a good time for them to have a good time#but I am devoting so much ram to running the be normal script#that I don't have space to ALSO run 'perform enjoyment' AND 'experience enjoyment'#and like it's hard to say that to people who love you because they don't want you to pretend#but its like sorry man I am so far at the bottom of my list of mental priorities#and eventually you just avoid the thing entirely to spare yourself the mental calculus required to experience it#what was I saying#the point is I need no one to look at me when I'm experiencing a sensation
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