#but I'd need them both in jobs where they are accessible without need for specific plot points

[sorryitsmyfirstdayonearth]

Totally just in theory, but if I ever were to write a Sam and/or Dean x reader small town AU, what would he the boy's jobs?*

*I picture older Sam and Dean for this

[bspeaks]

Please let us hear some more group smut thoughts

im on my knees

glad you're already on your knees because that's probably where the boys are gonna want you at some point.

i honestly just think they would love to keep you as their own personal toy, "band property" if you will. lets say you're touring with them. you tell people you help sell merch but its a big fat lie. you can't even assist at the merch table because you're typically put to work in different ways in the time frame surrounding bad omens set.

so yeah they basically just use you whenever they please while they're on the road. i'd say you spend about 40% of your time being used by all of them at once, 40% being passed around, and 20% sitting looking pretty for them.

things switch up a lot, and nothing's super consistent except for the pre-show ritual. the guys all swear up and down that this ritual is the sole reason they perform so well each night, but you feel like you've seen them do just fine without it...

anyway the ritual consists of you performing a few simple tasks that help each band member prepare to get on stage:

first, you're sat on noahs lap. his cock is buried inside you and his hands are all over you. having full access to your body like this helps to make him feel powerful enough to get on stage and give his all.

at the same time, folio is standing in front of you holding your head in place so he can fuck your mouth. he says cumming down your throat is the perfect way to relax his mind and his muscles so that he can get into a good flow once hes sat behind his drum kit.

continuing the trend of multitasking here, you also have nicky and jolly on either side of you, your hands wrapped around each of their dicks trying to get them off. it amuses them both to see you struggle to maintain steady strokes with your hands while you're distracted by the two men filling you from both ends. you always manage to do such a good job, though, eventually making both of them cover each of your cheeks in their cum. they say it helps clear their minds so that they can lock in on stage.

after folio, nicky, and jolly all finish, noah finally grips your hips and fucks up into you. hes so mean about it, you're already so exhausted from getting the other boys off but he doesn't care. he fucks you as hard as possible and doesn't stop until you're a complete mess. he needs to see you cry, he needs to hear you scream, he needs to watch you fall apart under his control so that he feels strong enough to control the crowd too. and he needs it before every single show, no exceptions.

-this is just the little au ive created in my head... let me know if you wanna hear about different scenarios or specific pairings, this was fun to write

[mrhaitch]

HIHI Mr. Haitch! I’ve only got one question for you today and if it’s too personal please feel free to just say no and like not answer but it’s something that’s been on my mind for a while. For some context my father and his siblings all show very obvious signs of ADHD whether it’s inattentive or hyperactive. I have shown very large signs and in the past my teachers have all had to give me more structure and had to work with me more because of my behaviour. Here is where it’s weird. My mom doesn’t believe that I’m struggling. I’ve tried to bring it up multiple times and she either brushes it off or will outright say that I’m fine and that she’s “fixed me”. Now that I’m in uni and doing stuff on my own I’ve been struggling with staying on task and time management is hard since I don’t have someone there to support me. But even though I’m an adult yadda yadda, it feels wrong to get tested without them knowing. So here’s my question: How do you manage any ADHD or Autism (if any) or mental health things in general? Or how should I go about trying to ask my parents?

sorry about the kinda word vomit and depressing stuff. I just really needed to get this off my chest and I don’t think my friends will understand this one

As I've said before, my brain isn't completely healthy/typical but I've never reached a satisfying answer as to how or why so the only advice I can give is going to be quite broad.

If you're concerned you may have autism or ADHD and are struggling to cope, then I'd suggest trying to get assessed and accessing support. A lot of universities have a wealth of materials and resources to provide support, so it's a case of finding out how to access that support.

For time management and focus, a few things: figure out what your best time of day is (morning, evening) and use that for getting stuff done. In my case I found I was at my most creative and productive in the morning, from around 8 to 11. Between lunch and dinner I'm pretty useless so that time is for passive or administrative tasks, with plenty of breaks or I'll start zoning out. Taking regular breaks in general (say every 25 minutes or so) can do wonders for your overall level of focus, even if it's to get up from your desk and walk around for 2 minutes.

As for how to talk to parents or your siblings, especially if you think they have similar struggles, is just to ask them. A lot of things for me clicked into place when I had a frank chat with my dad a little while ago, which I think started when I said "do you ever find that..." and I listed a few symptoms (the ones I was happy to talk about anyway). He was more than happy to confirm that he had the same experiences, and pointed out some of the things he does to function.

For example, both of us have a tendency where if we're static for a prolonged period, or stuck with a repetitive task in silence, we begin to fixate and obsess over personal problems. Once while painting the bathroom my dad convinced himself (in the space of two hours) that he was going to be fired from his job the very next morning. He copes with these compulsions and obsessive tendencies by keeping music playing or switching the radio on - external noise helps keep his mind quiet. I now do the same, often listening to podcasts or music while doing my marking.

I'm sorry I can't be more specific or offer you a resolution here, a lot of this is highly individual.

[amorficzna]

user experience research in (large) games

Ok I saw user testing catching strays in the tags of another post so I figured, since I've worked as a user experience researcher in larger game studios that I'd give a bit more context on what we actually do - since we seem to catch strays both from random people and from the studios themselves.

1. UXR does not inherently change ideas or parts of a game.

That is not our job. We're not designers! There is, in fact, huge debate about whether UXR should be giving designers any suggestions at all because we're not as close to the project as they are. But I've found it really comes down to the UXR's familiarity with the project as well as their relationship with the development team on if they will take or want suggestions to begin with. Many times, we're showing off results to them where players are finding snags in their play experience, and it's really up to them to find better solutions for how to make the experience smoother.

Additionally, UXR is a mediator between the game development team and players. It's important to capture player experience and insights, but it is also very important to stay in line with the game's vision. You have a weird and fucked up game? UXR is not meant to bring any feedback about how the game is too weird or fucked up to the game team. Because that aligns with the game's visions and goals.

2. UXR is there to make niche parts of the game approachable to all players.

Everyone always talks about making more gritty, edgy, or weird games. Which I 100% agree with. But the rub comes from if players can even access these parts of your game at all. Then you get a bunch of questions. Why can't players use this ability? Is it because it's not useful? Is it because they don't know they have it? Is it because they know they have it but they don't know when they can use or how to use it?

These are generally the kind of questions we're asking players as they work through a game. Without a lot of this work, a lot of this would go under the radar because, unsurprisingly, when you work on a game for a long time, you tend to forget that new players may not know to press U in order to access their character ability sheet, which may also not be properly explained in the tutorial, which may lead to them never being able to access it.

This is especially important for accessibility. Great, you chose a brand new random control scheme. Can you change that control scheme? If you can, can you adapt it enough to be accessible for all players that may need aids to play videogames? If yes, can they access the control options easily to even get to them in the first place?

3. UXR is not there to gather the opinions of players.

At least in my experience (and I'm talking about big studios here) UXR is not, in fact, there to capture the opinions of players and make sure characters are more likeable, etc. We can do that kind of research if the team specifically asks it of us, but generally, if it is not literally breaking the player's experience when they work through the game, it is not important enough for us to bring to the team because they have enough other shit to deal with.

If you're seeing that kind of reaction from collected data, either UXR is not filtering the results and thus production or leadership is looking at it going "yeah ok let's change that" putting the work on the developers/teams, or its from the consumer insights side of things who is looking at general user trends, user reactions, market reactions, etc.

So yes, while we look at trends in data, a lot of the time I was tasked to ask questions like "what was confusing for you" and then I would aggregate that to see where players were struggling with understanding a game.

If there are specific attributes of a game being tested, such as a new champion in Apex for example, then you'd probably want players experienced with the game coming in and testing it to make sure it 'feels right' and balanced, and that they especially don't have issues with it to make sure players can actually play around with all the cool, new, weird, fun stuff you wanted to put in the game in the first place.

There are other parts of UXR like expert reviews (ask me why I don't like them and think they're not useful!) but that's a whole nother pack of worms.

Anyway, that's a little rundown of how UXR can help with games. There's so many issues with it and politics within the industry - for example, if a UXR does a study and finds that players are really not having a good time with a game set to release soon, the development team is going to have consequences. So how high up can those results go? Additionally, if a study finds that players are doing well with a game, and it releases and it bombs, that leads to a whole other mess of shit. Which is why I hate strategic work tbh - it becomes so corporatized and more about future sales output and less about the game itself.

However, that is a cog in a much larger machine of issues within the games industry. And UXR itself is trying to get our work down to make games accessible to all.

[bitter---wing]

the funny thing is that i started this job at maybe 16 hours a week max, then it somehow ramped up to 40 and more in the last few months and while i do appreciate making a little more than rent and necessities, it gets tiring ( ´_ゝ`) ♡ i'm probably going to try and get some writing done to expense some mental energy, at least on something that isn't work related

time's weird that way, so are memories. there'd be moments where i'd recall a hyper specific moment in my life and all the feelings in that moment just hit in full force for no reason. there are feelings i'm desperate to feel again, although without the shitty memories attached to them, but no such luck so far

right now i'd like to go to london and copenhagen to visit friends — i feel like most of my travel aspirations and plans involve friends lol ♡ i just want to experience their corner of the world, see what they see and just spend time. not a place i've never been to but i do want to go back to vietnam to see family, maybe get depressed over how much my hometown's changed lmao

what about you and what do you like doing when you travel? i just wander and eat

you have no idea how relieving it is to hear that LOL ♡♡♡ i've wanted to talk to you for a while, through previous accounts, but i thought i'd be a bother. i'm living here forever btw

you can do it, i believe in you! ♡♡♡

waaaaa felt on the hours, that's how my last job went and why I had to switch :( having money is nice but having no energy for anything else at all is not nice!! I hope u can scrape together some creative energies ⚡⚡ write write write!

ooooooooo London and Copenhagen both sound good. have u ever been to Europe? I'm assuming you live in a similar time zone to me (North America) based on the timing of your asks! we seem to be awake at the same times hehe. I live in central timezone in the US.

Do u miss vietnam? ((Take me with u!!! solely bc with all my digestive issues, vietnamese food has never yet betrayed me 💜💜💜))

I'm the same on travelling lol I used to travel around by greyhound bus with no goals, just to see different cities etc. I need to find more accessible ways to experience that again. It's so nice to just travel and Vibe... (and eat tasty foods)

hehe feel free to live here forever I'm clinically unbothered and ily <333

[victorluvsalice]

-->Fortunately, that was the end of Chore Time, and so we could get onto the meat of the playsession – namely, the Love Day dates! Alice went and asked Victor on the first date while Smiler headed upstairs to play some video games, and, naturally, I sent them to...

The Steampunk Cafe by patnactt3, which I'd set up earlier on the Pebble Burrow lot in Oasis Springs! :D Yeah, my original thought was to send them to South Square Coffee in Windenburg, but while looking through my Library to see if I had any better lots than the original cafe, I spotted the Steampunk Cafe sitting there, realized I'd never actually used said lot despite thinking it looked really cool, and headed over to Oasis Springs to plop it down (since it looked like the original creator built it there as per the preview pictures). It seemed a pretty neat place, to my delight -- with a central cafe, some outdoor activities (mainly chess and the steampunk rocket pad), and a whole hidden underground lab area. It just needed a little tweaking to be perfect – first, by replacing the toilets and the computers downstairs with more Victorian/steampunky versions (specifically, the toilets with the pull-chain ones from Vampires, and the computers with the typewriter ones from Cottage Living), and second, by adding a couple more things to do – like putting a small telescope up on the roof to go with the big observatory there, and sticking in a little splash pad area in the back for when it gets hot. :) I thought it would be ideal for Victor and Alice's date, and indeed, when they first got there, everything seemed to be going well -- I had them change into more appropriate clothes for the weather/situation, started them off with a few flirts, then sent them inside to talk to the barista and order some food – namely, a cannoli for Victor and a cup of mocha coffee for Alice.

-->Which is where I started running into problems. First off, the barista (who wasn’t very good at her job, as you can see by the coffee grounds spraying everywhere) kept acting like she couldn’t get to Victor and Alice for some reason, and put Victor’s plate down randomly on another table, which was already occupied. Second off, when I hopped into build mode to move the plate to a table that Katrina Caliente wasn’t sitting at, I discovered that the decorative woodworks that the creator had placed on the tables were all too big to ALLOW plates on them. Only the dragon table was actually accessible to Sims wanting to, you know, EAT. I tried to find something else to display them on, but the biggest spikiest one didn’t fit on a lot of the various displays, so I ended up just deleting them to make room. I then put the cannoli on another table and sent Victor over there to wait as Alice tried to get her coffee –

Aaaand another wandering townie came over, picked up the plate, and took it for herself. Before Victor could even take a bite. sigh This game, I swear...

-->Well, at least Victor and Alice could more than afford to redo their orders! I had them both order again and sit down at the recently-vacated-by-Katrina table nearest the counter – once again, the barista acted like she couldn’t get to them, but with them being closer, at least she put down the stuff where they were actually SITTING! I had Victor promptly start eating his cannoli this time as the plate was put in front of him, listening to Alice tell him a story and sharing some deep conversations with her, along with a bit of flirting. Alice eventually got her coffee, and the socialization train continued – though not without random townies trying to join in the conversation, as always. *grumble* Including the one who stole Victor’s original order! The nerve... I also saw Alice get blown a kiss at one point, but I wasn’t sure if Victor had done it or one of the other townies...I figured it HAD to be Victor because I was pretty sure I’d disallowed autonomous flirting in my game -- right? O.o

[toolboxwidgetuk]

Neat and Accessible: A Guide to organize sockets

Introduction

Hey fellow builders and construction enthusiasts! As a seasoned contractor in sustainable construction, I've learned that keeping your sockets organized isn't just a matter of tidiness – it's about efficiency and safety on the job site. In this guide, I'll share some practical tips and personal anecdotes to help you master the art of organize sockets.

The Benefits of Socket Organization

Let's kick things off by discussing why having an organized socket collection is a game-changer in construction work.

Time-saving advantages for on-site tasks

Picture this: you're on a tight deadline, and you need a specific socket size to complete a crucial task. With a well-organized socket set, you'll find it in seconds, keeping your workflow smooth and efficient.

Reduced waste and environmental impact through organization

Being in the sustainable construction field, I'm always looking for ways to minimize waste. By keeping sockets organized, you avoid duplicate purchases and ensure they're well-maintained, which extends their lifespan.

Enhanced safety and reduced risk of accidents

A cluttered toolbox can be a hazard waiting to happen. I've had my fair share of close calls, and it was a wake-up call to invest time in proper organization. Knowing where each socket is placed reduces the risk of accidents, keeping both you and your team safe.

Evaluating Your Socket Storage Needs

Now, let's get practical. Before you go hunting for socket organizers, take a moment to assess your socket collection and the challenges you face on-site.

Assessing the variety and quantity of sockets

When I first started out, I underestimated just how many different sizes and types of sockets I'd accumulate. It's essential to take stock and plan your organization accordingly.

Identifying specific organizational challenges faced on construction sites

Whether it's a dusty environment or limited workspace, each job site presents unique challenges. Consider factors like portability and ease of access when choosing a socket organizer.

Sustainable Material Choices for Socket Storage

Being in the sustainable construction field, I'm always on the lookout for eco-friendly solutions. When it comes to socket organizers, there are some fantastic options out there.

Introduction to eco-friendly materials suitable for socket organizers

Bamboo, recycled plastics, and metal alloys are excellent choices for sustainable socket organizers. They're durable, environmentally friendly, and readily available.

Benefits of using recycled and reclaimed materials

I've personally seen the difference using recycled materials can make. Not only do they reduce the demand for new resources, but they also add character to your toolbox.

Evaluating durability and longevity for sustainable options

Sustainability isn't just about materials; it's also about longevity. Look for organizers that can stand the test of time, so you won't have to replace them frequently.

Top Socket Organization Solutions

Alright, let's get down to the fun part – exploring the best socket organizer options. These solutions have proven to be game-changers for me and my team.

Modular socket trays for customized organization

One of my personal favorites, modular trays allow you to arrange your sockets in a way that makes sense to you. It's like creating a custom puzzle that fits perfectly in your toolbox.

Magnetic socket holders for easy access and visibility

Magnetic holders have been a game-changer for me. Not only do they keep everything in plain sight, but they also prevent sockets from rolling around and getting lost in the depths of the toolbox.

Portable socket cases with dedicated compartments

When I'm on the move, a well-organized socket case is a lifesaver. Look for options with dedicated compartments for sockets, so you can grab what you need without rummaging through a jumble of tools.

Wall-mounted socket organizers for space efficiency

If you're short on space, consider utilizing vertical storage. Wall-mounted systems keep your sockets accessible while freeing up valuable workspace.

DIY vs. Ready-made Socket Organizers

Now, you might be wondering whether to go the DIY route or opt for off-the-shelf solutions. Both have their merits, and it ultimately depends on your preferences and specific needs.

Pros and cons of creating custom socket organizers

DIY organizers allow for complete customization, but they do require some time and effort. If you enjoy crafting or have unique organizational needs, this might be the perfect option for you.

Recommended DIY solutions for sustainable construction specialists

For the crafty builders out there, consider repurposing materials from your construction projects to create unique and sustainable organizers. It's a great way to showcase your skills while staying organized.

Advantages of off-the-shelf socket organizers for convenience and accessibility

Off-the-shelf organizers are a convenient solution, especially if you're looking for a quick and hassle-free fix. There are plenty of sustainable options available, so you can still align with your eco-friendly values.

Maintaining an Organized Socket Collection for Long-term Sustainability

Once you've got your organizer in place, it's important to maintain it for the long haul. A little upkeep goes a long way in ensuring your sockets stay in top-notch condition.

Implementing a routine for cleaning and organizing sockets

Set aside some time regularly to clean and reorganize your sockets. It's a small investment that pays off in the long run.

Reassessing and adjusting socket storage solutions as tool collections grow

As your tool collection expands, you might need to tweak your organization system. Don't be afraid to adapt and evolve as needed.

Promoting a culture of organization and sustainability within the team

Encourage your team members to prioritize organization. Share tips and tricks, and lead by example. A well-organized team is a more efficient and sustainable team.

Case Studies: Sustainable Contractors and Their Organized Sockets

Let's take a look at some real-life examples of successful sustainable construction projects. These contractors have mastered the art of socket organization, and their stories offer valuable insights.

Real-life examples of successful sustainable construction projects

I had the privilege of working alongside some incredibly talented contractors who prioritize sustainability. Their projects serve as inspiring examples of what can be achieved with the right tools and organization.

Insights into how organized socket storage contributed to project success

In each case study, you'll see how organized socket storage played a pivotal role in the project's success. It's not just about the sockets themselves, but how efficiently they're utilized.

Lessons learned and key takeaways from each case study

We'll wrap up each case study with key takeaways and lessons learned. These insights can be applied to your own projects, helping you achieve similar levels of success.

Conclusion

There you have it, folks! Organizing your sockets isn't just about tidying up your toolbox—it's about streamlining your workflow, reducing waste, and promoting safety. Whether you opt for off-the-shelf solutions or get crafty with DIY organizers, the goal is to make your job easier and more sustainable.

[autumnslance]

Hi Lyn. I came up with an idea for an alt with a potentially rp friendly backstory. But after nine years of playing XIV on my main, I’m hesitant about investing in playing through again, and am considering relegating them to anamnesis/glamourer and fic/blog. But then I feel that defeats the purpose. Any thoughts or advice?

It's going to depend on what your goal is; public in game RP, or Fanfic/Gpose and RP ends up mostly in social media.

If it's specifically a public in game roleplay character, you'll want to have access to where RP is happening. In that case, you might want to either invest the time in replay, or the money in boosts.

If it's been years since playing through MSQ, it honestly may be worthwhile to replay the story; the exp gain has been smoothed out considerably, the ARR story tightened up, and there's all sorts of things one forgets when doing it piecemeal over many years, not to mention the benefit of knowing where things are going so seeing the clues and plotlines play out.

You'll also get the various items and accesses without having to rely on mods. If you buy the boosts, you get all the items and accesses (just be aware, story and job boosts are entirely separate!).

The thing about Anam is it's only visible on your own client side; mods depends on if folks have the same ones installed.

If the character is specifically a Fanfic/Gpose character, then the Anam and fic writing won't make replay an issue; you can choose to go through it or not as needed, and use your main for looking up lore or gameplay bits.

Personally, I'm glad I replayed through everything on 2 of my alts (Iyna got a boost to Stormblood but she's #4.5, as I'd already played ARR 4 times and the rest 3). Replaying after a few years made me recall important things both large and small I had forgotten. I had better appreciation of some characters and their roles, and was better able to pick out some plotlines unfolding and how they interacted. I remembered how and why I'd fallen in love with the game's story and characters in the first place, and why I wanted to write and roleplay and generally just create in said world.

I also think it's a good idea in general to refresh oneself on the canon lore, even if one intends to write non-compliant/AU; a lot of plots and characters get fuzzy over time thanks to memes, fanon, others' fanfic and RP, etc.

So in the end, it depends on what the goal is: public RP (so easier access and resources to all the places folks have events and plots), fanfic/gpose only, and then if you do want the alt caught up, whether or not the time or the money is a bigger investment, and how much of the story do you want to resharpen in your mind to set your character and their lore in the world.

[bearpillowmonster]

Metroid: Sammy Returns Review

Believe it or not, I have the amiibos for this game, I got them the morning they released, the Metroid is even my chapstick holder. So I guess I can finally see what those do...oh wait, you need a specific reader or the "NEW" 3DS or 2DS XL...dang, I just have my sister's vanilla. (30$ for a reader!) I'll tell you what though, I haven't played 3DS in a long time so maybe I forgot how to hold it but it digs into my palm.

I'd even go as far as to say that this is a darn good sequel. I mentioned how accessible ZM seemed but this one might even be a little more so, that doesn't mean it's easier or anything, heck no, but it shows you the ropes subtly and encourages you in such a way that makes you feel rewarded. Even without some of the new features and coat of paint, the original seems like it did a similar job.

We'll start with some quality of life stuff.

The shooting was already great in Zero Mission but it's boosted just that extra amount by the laser and gyro. Rather than looking to see what can be broken or looking for ways to get into places, there's a scan pulse which shows you, both on the map and in-game, there's even a meter to recharge it by defeating enemies. It's not as if you just click it every step of the way though, it's not Prime, it's just when you feel lost or stuck. You can see the frozen enemies slowly melt versus blinking. You can also put pins on the map.

The melee is introduced here and I think it could use a little work because I could be right next to an enemy, using the button and she swings but no damage is dealt, so it's unfortunately only used as a counter. I'll admit that I tried the Dread demo and it's the same way (because I'm a timing baby and parrying isn't my forte) but I've gotten better and I'm glad it's even there at all. There are also a lot more abilities that I've personally seen in the later games but originated here, as early as the Gameboy classic version too.

It gives you checkpoints so if you die, you can go back to either the room before you died or wherever you were last safe but it's not a save state, it's just for if you die to a boss or something, so once you beat the boss, you're good, you don't have to beat it again, even if you die right after. The orbs you collect (health or scanning) are attracted to you but the game seems less forgiving with damage because I can get hit once and be down over half a tank, as you move through the suits, it starts to get better but enemies also become tougher. Ball bombs status: About the same as ZM but there are items that can act as a replacement so it isn't needed as much.

I do have a complaint though. So there are some parts where either an enemy or wallfire is immediately in the next room (no door) and there's no way to tell therefore, no reaction time and can prove to be a fatal mistake. Maybe that's part of the challenge but it can be hard to tell whether one of the wallfires is on or not when you're in the next room! Especially when you're transitioning from ball to full form. It's rare but it still happens. Also, there are times where the framerate will drop because the screen is so busy and you move so quickly but it's nothing gamebreaking, I just got done playing KH1 on PS2 again and I think I had worse dips in Hollow Bastion than this game if that's a point of reference for you.

Even with reoccurring bosses, I felt like it was justified because they gave variety and whenever you faced the next one, you were usually stronger and learned its patterns already so you can feel how much more powerful and more experienced you've gotten as a player, which in a way is reflective of what Metroid games do as a whole. By the end, you feel like a powerhouse. There's even a part reminiscent of the Mother Brain level where you have to beat all the Metroids and they actually stay defeated as long as you clear that room so no having to restart the whole level again.

This was the game that I started on Christmas, the one I rung in the new year with, just before midnight I got the Varia suit. This game is fun and I felt like I could just play it because it's handheld so I could play casually and or seriously if I wanted. I felt that with the other games as well but this is the first one I played on a proper DS. Pretty sure I spent more time with this than ZM, a whopping 13 hours because I wasn't rushing. So no, I didn't get any of the babes but it's just a picture anyway, maybe one day I'll replay it so I can get the green haired version...or even the fusion one! A great 4/5

(not my image)

[raleighliving]

Raleigh Apartment Culture

So I'm of the mind that Raleigh is a great place to live. It has my favorite things, my favorite people, and I'm too broke to move anywhere else.

Raleigh works for me, but I recognize it doesn't work for everyone. Some people had less than ideal childhoods and wanna escape the state ASAP, some just want to live closer to their dream jobs or have new opportunities. That's all fine, but what if this describes where you are now?

What if, for the sake of argument, you're outside of NC and wanna move in? Moving is expensive, time-consuming, and risky at the best of times; so you wanna make sure that wherever you're landing is at least as good as where you started 90% of the time

"But RL," I hear you say, "you make Raleigh sound like an idyllic dreamscape populated with parks and a diverse kumbayah of peoples living in harmony"

I do talk about Raleigh in a positive light but, like a life saving medicine flavored like ass, sometimes you have to take the good with the bad.

So before you spend thousands of dollars on moving vans, boxes, and grits; here's a crash course on what it's like living in a Raleigh apartment, coming from someone whose majority of Raleigh Living (heh) has been in apartments.

First off, location. Any realtor will tell you that location is 80% of the sale to sound profound, and as anyone who has lived in the middle of ass-backward nowhere can tell you: It sucks having to drive 30 minutes to go anywhere.

Good news: With the Raleigh Beltline and connecting roads, there are very few places in Raleigh where your trip will last longer than thirty minutes one-way. Bad News: where you set down still matters because cutting down on travel is important for car and mental health.

North Raleigh is different from south Raleigh is different from northwest Raleigh, and the locals aren't the only difference you'll find between locations. Each segment of Raleigh has something to offer, with easier access to some attractions than others and neighboring cities for when you need something outside the RDU area.

Using downtown as the center of our wheel, people generally divide Raleigh into North and South Raleigh (with distinction given for NW, SE, NE, etc when needed). N.Raleigh is considered generally more upscale, a slice of suburban living interspersed with plenty of shopping centers for families and the moderately wealthy; but it's boring as all hell.

Want some fun? Excitement in the evenings and a more traditional urban experience with bars, night clubs, strip clubs, and more? South Raleigh is your best bet, at the cost of being the "sketchy" side of Raleigh. That kind of place where you'll see a bunch of auto shops that look abandoned but haven't been closed in the past 5 years and there's at least one customer from time to time.

Of course, this is a lot of generalizing but you'll find that it's still mostly accurate. The main exception in this is Capital Blvd, a highway cutting across north and south Raleigh on the eastern half of the city; a high crime corridor that's undergoing some changes in the northern half that have (somewhat) reduced crime but most people will still associate that area with the majority of Raleigh's crime and debauchery.

More importantly, is the distinction Raleigh citizens put on inside the beltline versus outside the beltline. The I-440 and 540 highways that wrap around Downtown form the mythical beltline, and to a degree what you have access to. Inside the beltline is the majority of workplaces, stores, and shopping centers; while outside you'll still have these things just to a more... dispersed extent.

North Raleigh actually kinda exemplifies this perfectly. Living inside the beltline, you have access to places like North Hills, Crabtree Valley mall, and Triangle Town Center. Live outside the beltline, like I currently am, and you're looking at 10 to 15 minutes to the nearest sheetz for that late night double hot dog fix.

So for point one: How important is it that you're near things? The majority of apartments and rental properties are in or around the belt-line, but if you want to save some cash on rent checks the cheaper properties are gonna extend your trips a bit.

Next, what can you expect in terms of neighbors? Does Raleigh have a hip party scene full of teens renting cheap apartments and blasting trap music at 3AM?

Depends on where you live

I swear not every point is going to be this, but there's an important distinction this time that affects the type of people your complex will likely have surrounding you; are you in North or South Raleigh?

North Raleigh has a ton of pre-schools, k-12 public schools (Leesville, Hillburn, Lead Mine, just to name a few), and office complexes that make up the job market. As a result the majority of apartment renters in north Raleigh tend to be families with a few small kids or so.

As a result, living off of Glenwood North and Edwards Mill I never had any noise problems from neighbors, the worst being kids playing outside at 3PM sounding like they were being murdered (which apparently is a common thing and I apologize to any neighbors I frightened with ghastly shrieks).

What I did have a problem with, however, was the typical Karen's you hear people complain about online. Renting a property now, we have access to our neighborhood's NextDoor page and it's hilarious sometimes to go on and read the comments, but living at a certain property we had a sort of mini-Facebook for residents

That thing was always full of either people who were moving out looking to sell their furniture or people passive-aggressively challenging each other/the apartment managers with comments about things happening around the complex.

Once I logged in to see one man accuse another, without ever actually accusing someone specific ("I know who did it and they should be ashamed" type post) of putting glass beer bottles under the tires of his truck to try and puncture them. Everyone acts civil in public, but then online they'll stir the pot harder than a chef with a hand mixer.

South Raleigh, you have the schools like Shaw University, Meredith, and NCSU; so the people renting down there are typically college kids. You'll see more apartments that cater towards them like University Village or University Woods, but sometimes these places will cater to both college kids and working adults

Avoid these places like the plague, because despite sometimes having a lower cost to live there the neighbors and their shenanigans will drive you up the wall (unless you're the type to join in, then go wild).

I've had friends stay at places like University Village and The Proper (formerly The Vie, formerly Wolf Creek) who've shared horror stories. 3AM parties ending in property damage or vomit in inconvenient places, drug deals not even trying to be subtle, and maintenance workers doing nothing because regardless of the apartment conditions; no school's gonna pull their contract with them unless news articles start getting written.

http://www.technicianonline.com/news/article_898ddf34-82f5-11e7-b3d8-07059d248619.html

https://www.wral.com/vie-at-raleigh-residents-finally-able-to-move-into-clean-units/16887833/

http://www.technicianonline.com/news/article_ea8ed7aa-a092-11e8-a2af-e70af36566d0.html

Otherwise, south Raleigh apartments are largely like north Raleigh apartments; except the crime rate tends to be a little higher and you'll run into more singles and people working full time.

Otherwise, Raleigh apartment culture is like apartment culture anywhere else in the country. You have a mix of apartments catering to those just looking to live versus more ostentatious luxury apartments with fancy pools, exercise facilities, and tech packages to draw people in.

If you're renting in Raleigh, however, do try to get a roommate or two if you can manage. Even with a decent job paying 800+ on a one bedroom one bath apartment can be exhausting at best, but with even one other person that can functionally halve your expenses

So if you're a young professional, or a student, or even if you have a small family, I can safely recommend renting in Raleigh. There's plenty of places that'll accommodate you, and cater towards your needs.

But what about everyone else? Are there people who shouldn't rent in Raleigh?

No

But there are groups who I'd seriously ask to consider their other choices before picking Raleigh as a destination for their new home.

For instance, are you a member of the LGBT community? A trans or non-binary individual? Well then, first off, I want you to know that you're loved and valid. I'm accepting of who you are and appreciate everyone's right to identify how they choose, but I'm not everyone.

Raleigh's bluer than other parts of North Carolina, as I've stated in other blog write-ups, but it's still part of North Carolina unfortunately and as a result, you'll face some challenges.

I doubt anyone's gonna burn a cross in your yard or knock over your mailbox, but Raleigh doesn't offer LGBT protections for housing, jobs, or credit/lending discriminations according to the Movement Advancement Project's website.

We have support organizations for LGBT and NB individuals, plenty of high schools and colleges have Gay-Straight Alliance clubs, and there are numerous businesses downtown that cater specifically to those individuals... but we're also the state that got into a lot of hot water because of a stupid bathroom bill, and our politicians are trying to pass anti-trans sports legislation (because they now magically care about the integrity of womens sports).

By that measure, but to a lesser extent, if you fall outside the Liberal/Conservative political spectrum then be prepared to have no one to discuss your politics with outside of a few sparse networks like the DSA.

Additionally, if you don't have someone to room with or a significant other to split costs with; you may want to try searching somewhere a little cheaper.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Raleigh housing prices aren't terrible for a major metropolitan city, but we're not the best prices in the world.

You can get prices on apartments and rentals lower than say, California or New York. However, compared to other parts of NC like Greensboro or Garner; rentals are still a bit much.

On average, a Raleigh apartment can run you about $900 for a single bedroom and a single bathroom. You can find cheaper, but often times there's some risk associated (Crime levels, quality of the room, quality of the property manager, etc.) Looking for a two bedroom? Then your average price is gonna jump up to around $1,200, and this is all before utilities and cable come into play.

It's true a lot of companies around here will pay more than the $7.25 minimum wage, but most low-skilled jobs will pay around 10-11 an hour.

I guess though, that's kind of an obvious statement. "Don't live in Raleigh if you can't afford to live in Raleigh."

I might expand on these thoughts at a later time, but hopefully for now I've given you some food for thought; or at the very least an entertaining read for a few minutes.

I love my city, and I love the friends I've made in it, but the sad truth is that nowhere is perfect for everyone; leastways Raleigh. If Raleigh sounds like the kind of place you'd like to live in, at least take a day trip to come visit and see how things go that way. Visit some stores, meet some locals, and form an opinion off of more than travel blogs and youtube videos.

[jace-the-writer-guy]

A dream game of mine

These are the ideas I often come up with for a dream game, and it just combines so many elements from different things I've played or watched videos of into one huge and crazy thing that would be amazing to see and play. It's pretty much a pipe dream in this lifetime of mine but I can't help but imagine it. So without anymore stalling, here's all my ramblings about it.

I would just really love a game like Skyrim is, but just... more. Like Skyrim has a bunch of the adventure/exploration elements I love in a game, but I didn't think it had enough diversity in scenery and it all felt cold because of the part of the world it was set in.

I would love a game that was like Elder Scrolls Online in size with all the different provinces you can go to with all that land to explore between the snowy areas, desert areas, and forest/jungle areas and all the settlements that would be scattered throughout. And all the scenery in that game was beautiful to me. And along with that, add the crafting/blacksmithing stuff from ESO too, because that was the main thing I did when I played the game. I created everything I used from different swords and armor.

And speaking of swords and armor, I'd love the game to have what ESO does, which was have there be different styles of weapons and armor you can craft after you read the plans or whatever for it. Like a steel sword can be one style, or you can craft it in another style but it would have the same stats, just a different look. Same with armor too. Or a greatsword could be more on the skinny side, or you could make it be a massive weapon like what the Buster Sword is.

Whatever weapons you favorite will be visible on your character and you can choose where you want something specifically placed. For example, a Ranger could have their bow across their chest and back and their quiver of arrows at their back either behind either shoulder or at their waist, or on their thigh while they have a dagger on one hip and a sword on the other. You can't have too many weapons on your body though. There would be a weapon wheel you can bring up that lets you choose between what weapons you have favorited.

The weapons and armor would be highly customizable too. Like with armor, you could mix and match different pieces or furs to make something unique to you, and for weapons you could add different accessories to them like jeweled hilts or carved bow shafts.

As for the exploration, I think it would be a phenomenal thing to focus on in a fantasy game. With so many environments like what I mentioned above with forests to snowy areas, there can be some absolute magic to be discovered like beautiful lakes or ponds, or something like my Heaven's Clearing area I created in my RWBY AU. Mountainous areas with waterfalls cascading down the rocks? Giant trees in a gorgeously lush forest with a treehouse village? A snowy village deep within the mountains? An ancient and run down fortress in a canyon with only one small valley to access it? Sprawling cave systems in the mountains? Tropical beaches? A beautiful oasis hidden in the middle of a vast desert? Explore and you can find stuff like this and more.

Examples of the sights you could see. I don't know the artists sadly. I found these all on Reddit at r/imaginarylandscapes)

And if and when you find this stuff? Build there if you want! It could be like Fallout 76 with the C.A.M.P. thing, but you have such an extreme amount of freedom to build kind of like in Minecraft, and have the building be like a mix between Minecraft, 7 Days to Die, and Ark. Build what you want from a nice, cozy little cabin in the woods, or a big estate on the mountainside with the waterfalls going under the house. Make it as big and as grand, or as small and as cozy as you want it to be with loads of decoration stuff you can build, and with different variations to the decorations. Different styles of beds, candles, wardrobes, chests, doors, windows, whatever. Just give unmatched variety. And of course for all of them, you would have to go out and find the materials, like for a simple cabin you would have to go out and either buy the lumber, or cut it down yourself. Or if you want to just dig into the side of a hill or mountain and mold your home from there, you absolutely can, given you have the equipment to dig it all out. Or you could just be a nomad and camp around anywhere you wanted while you travel and not be held down to one place.

Character customization would let you be able to make the character you want for a fantasy game like this is in my imagination. Loads of different hairstyles, body types, eye/hair/skin colors, customize your height to be the size of a Goliath (in D&D) or a gnome and so on. Pick from a variety of races from human, different races of elves, dwarves, halflings gnomes, goliaths, orcs and tabaxis', mix races, and more. And in game, you can really pick any type of clothing/armor style you want from even more choices. And along with that, you can of course pick different classes for your character to be from a fighter/warrior, to a ranger, to a magic user, to a bard, or whatever. You pick your skills from a huge list of stuff for each class and you go around and do what you want to do as that character. And like with Dragon's Dogma (one of my favorite games), you can change your class instead of being tied into one class at really any point in the game that you felt like. And you can multiclass too and combine any two classes you want to try.

Magic in the game would be more... magical. Like you start out with basic spells if you're one of the magic using classes with sorcerers getting a bit more, but it all starts out as just looking very dull. And when you train and level up your magical abilities and find new spells out of the huge selection of them in the game, the magic gets more and more bright, vivid, colorful, vibrant, and flashy too so you can actually see the results of all the levels you poured into your magic.

It wouldn't just be exploration though, considering weapons, armor, and magic would be in the game. There would be so many different jobs and ways to make gold to choose from, and there would be multiple long running quests you could accept that would be like something from D&D. And a thing for that is that the game can either be single player and you can pick a party of NPCs to join you through your adventures, or you could switch it over to multiplayer and invite a few of your friends in to explore the world together or do these quests and split the rewards from both the journey itself and the reward for completing the quests. The questscan have different styles, like serious ones and some where there can be some fun, like a Borderlands mission.

And as something in between these quests, you could have different jobs you can choose from like I mentioned. You can start your own mine or lumber yard to sell ores, precious gems, or wood to anyone (NPC or player) that wants/needs it. You can do guard duty for someone, you could scout an area out for any dangers for someone wanting to build a house or for military, or chart out unknown parts of the world and draw a map of it (provided you take a cartography skill) and sell them to people. You could even just be a simple hunter and hunt game to provide meat and pelts for yourself and for trade. Or be a bard and make some music between more somber songs or uplifting ones, or ones where you just tell the tales of events that have happened in the game. And for that, the game would have a huge score of music. And there would be bounty hunting quests as well, and sometimes they can lead into something more.

You have the choice between if you want to be a combat focused character or a trader/craftsman focused character or something along those lines. In single player, you could hire an NPC bodyguard and they would be extremely competent (unlike the referees in WWE games :p) in battles in order to protect you. Or in multiplayer, your friends could provide your protection while you create trade routes or gather materials, or explore the world for treasures. And it could be the other way around with you being the bodyguard and your friend being the one you're protecting too.

Choose your own backstory from a huge list of options. You could have a backstory as a simple farmer, a guard, a soldier, a trader, a blacksmith, a mercenary, or a craftsman to name a few. Each backstory comes with a specific set of gear depending on the backstory and an area of the world you start out with and in. Like a mercenary would start with light armor and a battle axe, having just completed a job in the colder regions so you would have fur cloaks and armor or you could have just completed a job in a more tropical spot of the world.

And romance too! You could have your character romance any NPC in the game no matter if they're male or female, unless they're already married. Or if you want to do a bit more, romance them both! Start a family with them, and hire bodyguards to protect them while you're out adventuring, if your spouse doesn't have any combat skills of course. Or hire bodyguards anyway to secure your childrens' safety.

See a dog you want to adopt? Adopt it! Same with cats or any other animal you might see up for adoption or for sale from somewhere. Each province have different kinds of pets you can get, so traveling the world for your perfect hunting/travel buddy or housemate may be something to do. And you can name your pet too. Or you could even capture and tame a wolf or tiger or something in the wild too if you wanted. Also, you can pet your pets. Give them attention!

For travel, you could either carry the bare essentials on your character and just walk either alone or with a companion by your side, or you could save your gold for a horse or go tame a wild one to ride through the world. And on top of that, you can buy different types of wagons to carry all the things you need to set up a larger camp for yourself or for your companions. Larger wagons mean the need for an extra horse. And you can also buy or craft accessories for your horse and wagons, like different saddles or canopies respectively.

And also for travel across the seas, you can either pay for passage on a ship or save up gold to buy your own and hire your own crew to go on voyages. Along with that, one thing you could do is become a pirate if you chose to in case you didn't want to just spend your days on land, or become a trade vessel to transport goods from place to place, or you could even just have it become a passenger ship and take gold to take people across the sea. Search for buried treasure and pillage other ships as a pirate, or discover an island to claim for yourself and your friends.

One thing that would be in the game would be hunting, from small game all the way up to dragons. The hunting is something I enjoy so much in Red Dead Online that I would love to see it in a game like this with so many animals and creatures. Of course there would be stuff like boars, deer, bears, and animals like that but there would also be fantasy creatures to try to hunt, and the biggest, baddest, most difficult, and most rewarding would be dragons if you chose to hunt them. But you could just stick to hunting normal animals too, because that can be very rewarding in its own way like with what I said before about hunting. And of course, you could go fishing at one of the many rivers, streams, ponds, or lakes in the game too.

There would be two separate modes you could do between a more casual experience or something more hardcore. The casual mode would be that you don't have to worry about eating, drinking, sleeping, or worrying about temperature to survive while the survival mode would include all those things, plus the need to watch out for poisons, venom, or diseases or anything like that so players can enjoy the game how they want to enjoy it.

One thing about the game is that there is single player and multiplayer of course, but the multiplayer would have private servers and public ones for if you only wanted to play with friends, or if you wanted to take it online and interact with a bunch of other players. And on top of that, there would be separate servers for players who only want to have a peaceful time with other players where they can't attack each other at all, and servers where PvP is fully on for the players that want the danger of dealing with other players that want to take them out so there aren't those types of people in the same servers. Choose your server, choose your experience.

Another thing that would be a part of the game is full, unrestricted mod support. Create mods for the game to craft it into something truly special either with different weapons, armors, spells, quests, races, or anything. Download any mod you want at your discretion, no matter what it is. And the mod support would span all platforms the game is on with absolutely no restrictions regardless of platform or the content of the mods.

To make the game even more special, you can create a new character at any time you want, and your previous character will still be wondering the world while you're starting anew. And if you end up finding your other character, you can form a team with them and easily switch back and forth between the two. That would make it possible to create your own adventuring party rather than hire NPCs or relying on your friends. Or, you can just have your characters be completely separate. And if you wanted to, you could possibly romance your own characters if you can't find the right NPC in the huge world.

The hud would be something very simple, with a health and energy/mana meter, a mini map, and radar. Each thing here can be toggled on or off so you could just have your health and energy/mana showing while turning off the radar and map, or you could have it all be turned off to have nothing on your screen for a more immersive experience. You can switch between third and first person to increase that even more.

Basically what I want is some huge fantasy exploration/adventure/action/RPG, something so huge with so many things to do that it has such an immense amount of playability and replayability. Something set in an hugely detailed and gorgeous world with multiple large provinces/climates/biomes. It would take an insane amount of time to try to explore every little part of the world, along with completing all the quests. And there would never really be a shortage of quests because they would keep being added every once in a while to the game through free updates, along with the ones added through mods.

That's all I have to share about this huge, crazy, borderline impossible dream game of mine right now. I might add more to it if/when I think of more. I hope you all enjoyed the read if you decided to read it. I'd love to hear what you guys think, and I'd love to hear your own ideas if you have them.

[popatochisssp]

heyo, i don't know if you've been asked this before, but i'm super curious about your headcanons about the Judge role in the Swap 'verses!! I recall some ask replies where you mentioned Sky being a Judge, and before that I'd pretty much only ever seen interpretations with the swapped Papyri being the Judges of their respective universes. Is it something universal for all of your Sanses? If so, are their Papyri still the final bosses of geno runs (if applicable in your headcanon)?

I haven’t been asked before, thank you for the opportunity! :D

Judgeship is another trait I set as a Sans-specific thing, so none of my Papyri are judges!

However…neither are all the Sanses! >;3

Only three of the five have ever held the position of judge: Sans, Sky, and Slate. Jasper and Mal have no idea what a Judge is because they’re from ‘fell universes. 

I headcanon the Judge role as a sort of Chosen One type of thing that not even the Judge himself has a say in. I think I put it best in a scene in FGTC, so here’s an excerpt from it:

It happens once in a generation, some monster with the requisite skills—perceptive, impartial, patient—is chosen to become The Judge. Anyone trying to pass through the judgment hall, to reach the throne room and the king, must first have their sins seen, weighed, judged.

I also headcanon it as a bit of a ‘he who is without sin’ type of deal, as in somebody who’s gained LV or EXP cannot hold the power of the office. Otherwise that would be profoundly unfair and hypocritical to anyone facing Judgment, having any kind of decision passed about them by someone who’s guilty of the same crimes they’re being Judged for.

(I referenced that in FGTC, too, if there’s anyone following me that hasn’t read that fic, I would strongly encourage it, there’s a lot of good stuff in there! I’m about as biased as it’s possible to be, but still! XD)

So! The Judge doesn’t even exist in Underfell or Swapfell. Monsters have just become too violent for anyone to have the capacity to be Chosen. Maybe it’ll make a resurgence post-surfacing, when monsters integrate with human society and have to become non-violent. Nobody but the oldest of monsters, like Asgore or maybe Gerson would even be able to recognize it at that point.

Now, Horrortale had a Judge– Slate– but he had to kill humans and even though it was to help his entire race survive and escape the Underground, EXP is EXP and he lost the ability.

So there’s currently only two active Judges, and that’s Sans and Sky! They have access to the KR ability but more importantly, they can Check someone without pulling them into an Encounter, seeing their stats, soul color, and relevant pieces of information about them: in short, everything they would need to be able to pass a Judgment. 

They both take their office pretty seriously and almost never use their ability outside of when they’re Called to, in defense of their monarch. If a situation is really serious, though, and it might help them or their loved ones to Know something about a stranger, well… I don’t think either would think it too egregious a crime to take a peek.

As for the ending of a No Mercy run, I think it’d still be the Sanses who would give you a run for your money around the same time, whether they were the Judge or not. 

Maybe they hoped somebody else would do the job of killing you for them, or maybe they just needed some time to process the devastating loss of their brother before they could be up and raring to take their revenge, but either way, before you face their monarch is their last shot at you themselves and they wouldn’t dare lose that chance after w h a t  y o u  d i d…

[hybrid-lion]

*lights cigarette and sips tea like Kermit the frog while wearing green*

File under: wyldling stuff

OR

 "You do not want to sell me death sticks… You want to text me and have me do your dishes and sleep on the floor and make art with you.*

 ~Obi Wan

  So let's see…

 I'm about 2 months in now to this foray, it's actually genuinely nice out today despite the cloud cover (I grew up in NE so I enjoy grayish days all the same); I live for both sunny days and can be happy in the rain, but prefer not sleeping in the elements considering what I'm working with (as romantic of an idea it seems).

  This is very much well known of me—

 Oof that hibiscus tea hits just right though..

 That hibiscus tea though..

 Let's see, was able to consolidate the backpack we're still rocking with the 60 ltr. bag and thanks to the organization and efforts of giving people that showed up for us at St. Paul's here  in the community I was able to get a couple things (A ground pad that I might not actually need ((  I might be able to give that to somebody and pay that forward, got a sleeping bag, etc), some utilities. You know how that goes.

 The past two months have been working with the land, cleaning up around town, reaffirming my lessons and send eof value of my self, holding people accountable and choosing where I place my time and energy.

 The folks who organize the cold weather shelter on South Main deserve all the praise, as well as the folx down at the Friendly Kitchen for coming in clutch with regular warm meals. I've dropped some weight out here that I was hoping to keep on walking around but am strong like a taxidermied pachyderm again.

 I've mostly been aiming to get out of the state shortly in the coming days and hit the road again which is my goal. I'm excited to extend myself to apply to different environmental jobs as well as bring my best to the table and good opportunities as they present themselves to me.

I genuinely believe people can choose to stop and take the time to start good processes. I'm aware of what I know and my journey and if you would, some of the ideations of that destiny and would believe others will seize their own alongside me, and choose to avoid standing in my way but with me as well in love and defiance of apathy or inaction, which is why I'm such a vocal proponent of my beliefs. 

 I'm practicing not having to be so vocal so that there is a more contingent balance right now and my energy and efforts are understandably valued as they are similar in weight and goals as other like minded folks.

I've been working out, practicing meditations and forms, and just getting back into the swing of things. My aims and aspirations are clear and I know that my intentions are good as ever.

 

 Where am I is I am currently posted over on one of my favorite benches; don't really know exactly what the day has but I'm looking forward to it—

  I have a heart song that I want to sing when I can sing it for folks without being pressured to do so.

  In my heart the possibilities I have in mind are made reality, and Im quite resolved in handling things as I am capable best and positively fof what the day could bring us jn our best interests and designs.

 

   I've reached out to a couple folks from my past life if you would.

   I am hoping and anticipating that somebody decides to hit me back, as that would be super helpful in not being out. I would ideally find a dry floor to crash on and pull my weight in turn like that Orphans song would echo the sentiment of.

  I'm going to be in the area for a little while and it'd be really reaffirming to catch up on some folks if they chose to and if they decided— 

I forgot I have Honey and Oat granola bars too.. I have snacks. 

This is great.

— as I was  if they decided to do so and it was in their best interest as well—  Genuinely just my best for mine and me these days and forward.

With my comprehension of oneness and many forms of practicality in reality I'll probably check in to different circles and with others when it's appropriate for me without inviting in tons of unneeded chaos in a negative fashion and moreso in Lightness.

Idk if anyone ever thinks of the lightness of chaos, or as I prefer to put it, 

  "I loathe constructive dis-order as I choose to see it…"

 Planned for a lot of adventures in the immediate future that I want to pan out mostly specifically pertaining to artwork as well as hopefully I have my eyes on the horizon, working with the land as well as maybe doing some tending and traveling.

 I would be way better off having somebody with me rather than just solo dolo, physically present.

 I got to feed the birds this morning which was super jovial and fun and I've been doing that frequently with meditations on giving and receiving and just for the sake of it.

I just I picture myself atm unwilling to play the proverbial hermit/ 

I actually still love people and socializing on my best days.

 

Going to be heading up either Northern New England or maybe down to the coastline.

 I would like to see the ocean again.

 I was thinking about that the other day which it occurs to me. 

Honestly even though I've spent time by the water  a lot it occurs to me that I never really like had like an avid passion for hanging out or like experiencing the ocean that much as a young adult or as a kid growing up it wasn't out of like fear it wasn't out of animosity…

(although sharks and things in the depths are very scary you know like stare into as the saying goes into the void the void stares)

 Back like there's probably things down there you wouldn't want to be poking.

 Same could be said for a lot of things but you know also you know when you go into something with the right mentality you have to bear in mind you know your mentality— like usually attracts like if you can bear that in mind. So again absolutely l o a t h e me some constructive dis order 🖤💜❤️💜

   Some of my life teachers or guides or a few out me into these and I in turn should fly over there when able and give them a big ol cup of hibiscus tea and mindful of how greatly I value their and my lessons and blessings in turn.

   So yeah we're excited to see what the Day brings might be breaking for camp I do have to like my cigarette again apparently even though I'm trying to quit and will be putting it shortly

 

You only know what you know and where the day is going to take you as you can plan to have and you always hit some small bumps on the road.

 I'm only expecting the best from myself and others these days which is really good applying my lessons as I see fit and not getting caught up on other people's interests from me and spending my time wisely.

 

Speaking of I do need to go to my old house over alcohol and procure some things I have that planned out with a peace officer and I'm just not going to be letting that situation weigh me down. 

 I'm not going to be associating with my prior abusers from my birth family that can't show up for love.

  I'm literally going for some tools and CM and perhaps my yoga mat, which would be more it'd be easier to carry them to the sleeping mat and it'll be able to use it for yoga.

Stretching in the morning, which has again become very very important to me being out and about all the time and just thinking about it now it's like I want to work on my hamstrings but I'm not going to do that atm.

 I'm still going to be procuring microphone when I have the resources available, more mobile gear than anything but still quality gear so I can get the podcast going in the meantime we're just doing logs and poetry and writing and patching and selling and things that make me happy little enjoy enjoyable pastimes like journaling.

 I've been trying to get back to people as well have met some real ones out here that I would take with me if I was precisely able to, specifically some of the older guys from the shelter and kitchen, a couple of the sisters around my age, a few of my bunkmates and some other seasoned folks who seem like good souls, again focusing on tending to reality of my situation and minding my own.

 Very much back to myself as capable as I've grown,  when I'm able to despite the obstacles that have been conquered as well as the obstacles that have been accomplished and already overcome. 

One door closes, another door opens and there's a time and place to address these kinds of things. Sargeant comes to my house like don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things like— luckily I'm wearing antiperspirant.

  Clean as a whistle over here surprisingly enough even though I can't remember the last time I showered.

 Which is hilarious even though yesterday was Saturday and I should have.

  I should have showered then,

  but I've just been  mobile and like give myself punk baths here and there like the sink bath. Anybody who's ever been at like at like a camp or a conference knows very much about the same bath or a punk bath if you would whatever you want to call it without being too to non PC. 

 Going now I'm going to hit back a couple folks see if anybody will let me stash my pack with them for a little bit while I go over to my prior abusers house just so I don't have like a 60 l plus bag on my back all the way over there and yeah just expecting the best for myself in the immediate future and hopefully people will come along for the ride it'll be super fun lots of good s*** be wild wild times.

    If y'all like my prior content or want to see more of my future content you can just get at me digitally most accessible for me right now when I have my phone charged until I can procure some more gear.

  You  can always contact me if you have to light if you want to like WebEx or zoom/ video chat as well as long as it's appropriate timing and I'd let you know but yeah you know if anybody wants to reach out to me feel free you know you again it would be nice to re–meet some folks. 

you can look at supporting me or helping me get through this tumultuous time and then I turn I can always of course give back to the community to pull my own weight if you would both literally and proverbial as well as see fit you know what would work best for those involved in the meantime I'm probably just going to eat some granola bars and figure out where to put this backpack because it is lofty the luggage is lofty but manageable and I'm keeping it I also really want to go pick up my echeveria from the house I don't know if I can but something's telling me just carry the echeveria around with me even though it's like not exactly it's not exactly portable right now but how like how perfect would it be if I just have my echeveria like on my head or like on the in the back of my pack like like I don't know like I remember I remember being out in SF and seeing folks with like their cats or like their dogs and their rats just hanging out with them on their shoulder and I'm like I'll just take my complex houseplants with me.

   I can effectively do for myself today looks like the sun's coming out peeking out from behind the clouds a little bit and even if it doesn't it's still out there somewhere which is super lovely and yeah other than that many blessings and you know make your day serve you to your utmost potential as only you yourself would know.

You want to get at me or if you want to support my at the time even like the smallest bean of grain–

 You can hit the cow like button

 you can toss a coin to your shifty cat friend 

or you can hit me up on ko-fi so I can then turn by you a coffee however they pronounce that.

 I know the value of my content and I'm going to be putting that on lock or at least some of the more special personal things for folks who want to subscribe to that kind of stuff that'll be done.

 

  IG is still going to be getting regular updates along with my personal snap when I'm able to and in the position too and other than that yeah all y'all have a beautiful beautiful week ahead of you.

~D

@hybrid_lion on IG

 campsite.bio/hybrid_lion

http://liondaydreams.com/

Also if I was meandering through and stopped to say hai and catch up I might be kind of ragged but clean up nice

Working on this one as well...

[ashenpages]

This reply from @hedgehog-moss really helped me over the last few days.

I've been following her blog for maybe a year, and her posts always bring me joy (especially the stories about her animals, because I grew up in the country with unruly horses, a garden of my own, a backyard of woods to get lost in, and neighbors with chickens, cows, pigs, and llamas).

I work in book publishing, specifically book production, specifically comics. I took the position I have because no matter what I tried I couldn't get anyone to consider me seriously for an editorial position. I was fully qualified for my current position, and it was a foot in the door where I would get to be in the same room as editors and designers and the artists and writers who came by the office before great big conventions. It gave me a way in to the world I'd been trying to access for years.

But then the pandemic happened, and I was relegated to working from home.

My job isn't anything exciting when you break it down to its components. It's basically a lot of paperwork and math. My two superiors get to do more exciting things, but without being in the same physical space as them, I was often left out of those meetings, and I never got to see or meet with editors or designers anymore.

The social space that I used to occupy was gone. All of the things that had brought me joy about the job were gone. And then our production ramped up. While I issued maybe 20 print orders per week during a busy week in the pre-pandemic times, we suddenly needed mass amounts of reprints. I now issue about 30 print orders per week on the regular. The number of potential acquisitions also increased. My job expanded largely in a very short amount of time, with no additional support.

What's more, a coworker was promoted and became my boss during all of this. I'm not sure they gave her any training, because she's made a right mess of it. There was no guidance, and when I asked for it, I was given answers that guided me to believe I was doing my job well enough. My big boss, however, the boss of my boss, did not feel this way, and now I'm constantly on the ropes when it comes to her. Despite a meeting two months ago where we sorted things out and my boss admitted she hadn't been giving me the guidance I needed and that she would do that from now on, I'm still on the big boss's shit list for some reason.

But @hedgehog-moss's post reminded me...

I don't actually have to stay at this job if it isn't making me happy? Just because I finally got a foot in the door in regards to the career I wanted doesn't mean that I can't find it somewhere else, DOING something else.

And even if I choose to stay, letting my anxiety destroy all of my time off because I'm not working on my own personal projects (many of which happen to be books, like the example she mentions) or doing yoga or reading my mountain of books is just a horrible way to lead my life.

Trying to "make the best possible use of my time" might seem like looking out for myself (insert critique of capitalism and US working conditions and the length of 40 hour work weeks), but it works against me when all I want to do after work is take a nap or I feel like reading instead of writing or I turn yoga into a something I need to do to stay in shape instead of a practice I do to help myself be comfortable in both my mind and my body.

Reading Hedgehog's post just reminded me that it's important to frame things you're doing for yourself as just that: something you're doing for yourself because you want to and it makes you happy.

I really appreciate her example of writing a book, because writing is very important to me, and I have a lot of different stories I want to set down before I inevitably die.

But, as she says, it's about doing it because I feel it brings value and joy to me. Not because I'm scared I won't have enough time or because I "have" to or I'm not a real writer or something.

Fanfiction is a comforting escape. My original short stories and novels are stories I wish I had been able to find when I was in my teens and early 20's. Making them makes me happy, and that's why I should do it.

Coming to my keyboard when it's doing anything else is doing myself and my story telling a dishonor.

These last two days have been much happier for me because instead of asking myself "what should I be doing with this time?", I've managed to ask myself "what do I want to do with this time."

Anyway, all that to say: thank you, Mademoiselle Hedgehog. Your post really helped me.

mademoiselle hedgehog, what are your thoughts on ambition? it seems like such a harsh cutthroat drive, but at the same time, shouldn't we all have something that pushes us to be our best selves? is it possible to find a soft and gentle ambition within ourselves, like a slowly rising tide?

Thank you for this very interesting ask! I’d never really reflected on this, but my gut feeling is that ambition has done more ill than good in the world. If I were sitting my high school philosophy exam and drew this topic, my opening quote would be Minerva from the opera Daphné "How you torment yourselves, ambitious mortals—desperate and frantic—enemies of leisure, enemies of yourselves." But I like your water imagery—maybe you naturally have tides carrying you towards higher goals while I am stagnant water—the word stagnant comes from stagnum, a pond, I don’t mind it. Maybe some people are seas and enjoy tidal rising while others are ponds and enjoy pondering.

If I had to visualise a soft and gentle ambition I wouldn't picture a slow tide rising towards something greater but rather wavelets, setting small projects for myself that don’t disrupt too much (or for too long) the at-rest state that I am content with. (If I were not content with my at-rest state, then yes, a stronger, 'tidal' ambition would help change this situation, but even then I would tend to perceive this ambition as a necessary evil...) One such project could be learning a new language, which possibly fits your definition of a gentler kind of ambition ‘within ourselves’—but I don't know if I would see this as striving to be my best self. Am I a better version of myself if I spend my free time learning a language rather than doing a stagnant activity that doesn't rise towards a goal (like watching my animals live their lives, which makes me happy)?

If someone has an ambitious goal, say, writing a book, that they feel will bring something of value to themselves and/or the world at large, and the idle activities that take time away from this goal are of comparatively less value to them (or inherently less joyful or healthy—insert critique of smartphones here) then I would say ambition is a positive force that helps them better their life and their self. But I deeply value idleness and fruitless pursuits, I think they often bring us great joy and do no harm, and trying to infuse them with more ambition in the name of self-improvement can ruin them (like trying to master a hobby in order to monetise it).

At heart I am wary of ambition—of the way it is lauded as 'striving to be your best self' even when it brings us less joy, and is more detrimental to our health and the health of the world than being content with our current self and enjoying pondlike activities—idleness, contemplation, amateur unproductive hobbies. "Doing nothing is here intended as a positive proposal"—I just went in my idleness tag to fish out this Ruth Levitas quote—"Politicians may declare that ‘we need to do more and we need to do it faster’. The opposite is true. We need to do less, and we need to do it more slowly. Doing a lot more nothing, including sleeping, would reduce resource consumption, lower stress levels and enable social relations more conducive to dignity and grace…"

[queerascat]

Hi! I just found out about your blog, and I'd like to ask you something. I'm part of the LGBT community, and next year I'm going to study a Japanese Philology at the university. Would you mind telling me some basic LGBT vocabulary in Japanese? Just so I can understand and talk a bit about it, please ♡ (I'm a trans boy, and pansexual btw :3)

oh also! (sorry i forgot to write it in the other ask) Do you know anything about getting hormones (testosterone, in my case) in Japan? Is it easy? Just in case, because I’d like to have a job/live there in a future, at least for some time

hi. :) sorry for taking so long to get to your asks.

regarding LGBT terminology in Japanese, it’s a little hard to answer that question because it’s so broad…. so instead, i’m going to really keep it basic and i’m going to cheat by directing you to others’ stuff.

this site has a very basic list of terminology… in fact it’s a bit too basic and leaves out some important information, imho. for example, while there is a bit of caution here and there about using certain words that are considered derogatory, it neglects to mention that many lesbians consider レズ (”rezu”) to be derogatory and such that word should not be used. stick to the commonly used ビアン (”bian”) or レズビアン (”rezubian”) instead. also, オネエ (”onee”) has a similar (but still different) trajectory as a derogatory word as is explained under オカマ (”okama”) and while you will probably hear people say it both offline and on TV, i very much recommend that you don’t. same goes for the far less commonly used equivalent for trans men, オナベ (”onabe”); don’t use it. better to just say FtM (very commonly used in Japan) or トランス男性 (”toransu dansei”) / トランスジェンダーの男性 (”toransujendaa no dansei”) for ‘trans man’. also note that “pansexual” is パンセクシャル (”pansekusharu”) or 全性愛者 (”zenseiaisha”).

will also throw out there that you may find other relevant or useful terminology / information about being LGBT in Japan on my new page #LGBTQIA in Japan.

as for getting HRT (more specifically T) in Japan, if you’d be starting it in Japan rather than continuing a current prescription and / or if you’d be pursuing it with “F” as your legal gender marker, it’s not as easy to get it in Japan as it is in some countries, but it is still obtainable. how hard it’ll be for you to get it very much depends on where in Japan you live– countryside, small town vs major city, for example. there are also two different paths to getting HRT that will very much effect how easy or difficult it is to get T.

option 1: the legal, “official” way

in Japan, you cannot legally receive HRT without being diagnosed with GID (Gender Identity Disorder). to be diagnosed with GID, you have to go to 6 months of therapy with a licensed psychotherapist– the vast majority of which do not speak English and have a very conservative mindset when it comes to gender and gender roles that they often expect trans people to fulfill in order to “really” be trans…. there are certainly good therapists out there, but finding one who also speaks English and has the certification necessary to actually ‘diagnose’ you can be hard even in a big city like Tokyo. once you get the diagnosis, however, you then pay a largish sum of money for an official document that you can then take to a Gender Clinic or other medical facility to have blood tests done and get T administered as a shot usually every two weeks by a professional. patches are unavailable and i’ve heard that they will not let you administer the shot yourself, so if you live far from a clinic that has T you’ll have to travel to get it.

option 2: the illegal, but easier way

all of the above– the need for a GID diagnosis, having to travel to get injections, etc– still apply, but there are a few clinics (usually found in major cities) that will give you HRT based solely on consent. they will give you a document (probably entirely in Japanese) to sign, releasing them of responsibility should something bad happen, and they will maybe, maybe not do a blood test before giving you the injection of T. as said above, it is illegal for them to do it this way and they are still flirting with the law by doing so, but on the plus side clinics that do operate in this way usually do so because they are aware of how fucked up Japan’s GID requirement is and are more aware of practices in trans healthcare outside of Japan. i’ve also found that such clinics are more likely to be accepting of non-binary / Xジェンダー and other trans people who do not necessarily fulfill traditional gender roles.

most foreigners that i know opt for option 2 for various reasons, not the least of which being that option 1 isn’t even really an accessible option if you don’t speak Japanese reasonably well. ah, and i should mention that no insurance, national or private, will cover HRT (either estrogen or T), although insurance will often cover therapy sessions.

anyway, sorry for the tl;dr response, but i hope that some of this is helpful. if you (or anyone else) have other questions, feel free to ask and / or check out #LGBTQIA in Japan.

edit: forgot to mention option 3!