#but coming up with a motivation that feels right is kinda difficult lol

[mbat]

wait why was no one going to tell me that nightmare rarity, something ive only heard vaguely of over the years since i keep neglecting to read the comics, wasnt corrupted by some internal pain, but instead the comic claims that nightmare moon is actually a parasitic type creature that took her over and that nightmare moon is a seperate entity from luna entirely. or at least according to the wiki

i kinda... hate that. thats not canon to me actually

[myouicieloz]

Hi! I just found your blog and I’m looking forward to your works. Could I request a Seulgi angst fic; where you and Seulgi have been in a happy, loving, fulfilling, committed relationship for the past 3 years, but one day when she came back from practice with the girls you two got into a heated argument about how she’s always canceling dates with you because work related things come up that she “can’t miss” and she ends up bringing up something that you had confided in Her about awhile ago and uses it against you; to which she immediately regrets and tries to take back and can you take it from there? Thank you! I look forward to it:)

Missing you

Kang Seulgi x reader

Warnings: toxic!relationship, angst (dw it’s all good now)

Word count: 3.7k

Notes: hi!! sorry for taking long <3. I kind of struggled to think of a motive of them arguing bc it kept getting too dark (as in they wouldn’t be able to get past this lol) and I kinda wanted a happy ending. I hope this is to your liking!! Kisses mwah mwah.

Your gaze flew to the clock for the 30th time in a spam of five minutes, making you sigh in defeat. Seulgi had promised you she’d meet you at your favorite restaurant for dinner, as a way to make up to you for being so busy over the past weeks. Yet there you were, sitting alone with a glass of bitter wine for over two whole hours before you finally gave up and went home, realizing she wouldn’t come. Again.

Babe <3

Hey baby, rehearsals are going up until late since we still have so much to work on

I won’t make it to dinner. Sorry.

Next week, though? I’ll make it up to you. I promise.

I love you

You got into your apartment just as her message lit up your phone. You threw it over the sofa, preparing yourself a long bath to try to relax. You took a deep breath before entering the warm water, the bubbles and the silence easing your tensed muscles. You tried not to think about your girlfriend or your relationship, knowing it’d only make you even more upset, but your thoughts didn’t seem to let you rest.

You and Seulgi loved each other, you knew that much. You’ve never loved her any less in those three years you’ve been dating, but it pained you to see how much you’ve drifted apart lately. You felt like you were the only one trying to spend time with her, and it wasn’t like you weren’t busy yourself: being an intern in one of Seoul’s top hospitals while studying for residency was tiring and difficult, specially since you’ve always been a bit behind your colleagues, having to push yourself harder than the most to simply be at their level. Still, you always made sure to make some time for Seulgi. Why couldn’t she do the same? Were you not important to her?

Those thoughts made you sigh, your body immersed in the water until it went limp and the water grew cold. Part of you wished you could be somewhat more imposing: demand more from her, confront the woman over your issues, telling her how you felt. You couldn’t, though. You were too weak for that. Which was the reason you dragged yourself to bed, rolling over to set your alarm on your phone before allowing your body to be dragged by sleep.

It’s ok.

Next time, then

Gnight love

Seulgi’s reply came hours later, although you were fast asleep.

Sweet dreams, dearest.

-

To say you were having a bad day was a euphemism. Your preceptor had given you the biggest, shittiest lecture over nothing (so what if you couldn’t get the stupid procedure done at the very first try? He had no right to scream at you to get out of the OR like that, let alone yell at your face for over half an hour about how dumb and unprepared you were, compared to others. Preposterous piece of crap). You nearly fell down the stairs on your way to lunch and, to make it better, your umbrella broke, making you run all the way home after being dropped at the bus stop to try to get less soaked. It didn’t work, and you entered your place with chattering teeth and the feeling of the wind carved deep in your bones. Your body was trembling so much from the cold and the stress, you dropped your keys twice before you managed to open the door, finally sighing in relief.

That relief, however, ended just as you spotted your girlfriend’s silhouette leave your kitchen and enter your living room, smiling as if she hadn’t fucked up hard by leading you on for so long.

“Jesus baby, you’re soaked.” She frowned, giving you a peck on the lips. Your body went rigid at her touch, exhausted from everything, which made Seulgi confused. She was finally able to make some time and come see you, so why weren’t you happy?

You simply murmured something along the lines of hello and so nice to see you, before hurrying to your room to get rid of the wet clothes that clung to your body. You took the hottest shower of your life, trying to wash all the discomfort away, which didn’t work in the slightest.

You loved Seulgi so much it hurt, but the last thing you wanted for the day was to see her. You felt drained, your body ached, and you so desperately wanted to hide under your sheets and cry yourself to sleep. You didn’t want to talk about your day—about anything, specially not to her. It’d demand too much energy to explain what was going on with you over the past few weeks, since you never seemed to properly talk to each other, anymore. You had no energy for that.

And you’ve always sucked at communicating, anyway.

You forced yourself to leave your room, dragging your feet in tiredness, and found Seulgi setting up the table for two. You sat down, still silent, and watched as she put some Tteokbokki for herself.

“I’ve already eaten at the hospital.” You told her, returning her stare with a shrug. Seulgi sighed at your pettiness; perhaps you did get mad at her for canceling on you on the prior week, unlike you’d told her. And the week before that. And-

Ok. She might deserve a bit of your cold shoulder. But you simply had to understand her: she was working so hard with the girls to prepare for their comeback, and there were still many things to be adjusted. Their expected date was approaching, and you’ve always been so comprehensive. Sure, she knew you often masked your feelings or simply dismissed them to try to please others, but she’d asked you about it so many times. If something was making you uncomfortable, you’d sure tell her. Right?

“So,” She grunted, adjusting herself in the chair. “How was your day?”

“It was fine, thanks.”

“Okay.” Seulgi murmured, not touching her food either. She was beginning to get irritated at your distance now. Sure, she knew being a doctor was exhausting and time-consuming, but it wasn’t like she wasn’t having one hell of a week, either. Her fingers twitched under the table, and she no longer stood the awkward silence between you. Rolling her eyes, she added, “Are you just going to be a bitch all night? Because I got here straight from practice, I’m tired as fuck and the last thing I want is for you t—“

“What are you doing here, then, Seulgi?” You interrupted her, feeling the anger rise on yourself too. “Don’t you have rehearsals and recordings to be too busy with? Or should I just be so fucking grateful that my girlfriend decided to grace me with her company? Am I not paying enough attention to your liking?” You usually tried your best to not be rude to others, keeping your sarcastic thoughts to yourself, but your sudden anger flared up and forged a cloud over your mind, making it hard to see clearly through it. “Should we call the others, then? The girls you spend all fucking day with?”

Seulgi rose from the table, her face heating up at your words and suggestions. You played low at that, you both knew it, but now you’ve gotten her way too pissed to think about consequences.

“What the fuck, Yn? What’s gotten into you?” She screams, leaning forward so you two were face to face, “I know it was not ideal at all to skip our dinner.” Multiple ones, you both knew it, but neither pointed it out loud. “But you know I can’t miss work. Please understand.”

Seulgi was just so mad and frustrated. Her times with you were always stress-relieving to her, but lately all you’ve been doing is either argue about minor stuff or simply not talk at all. It was taking a toll on her when it shouldn’t, not with her comeback so close and her stress levels already escalating. It wasn’t good for you either, with your crazy work routines and weekly exams at the hospital. She knew that.

But you couldn’t seem to make it work.

“What’s gotten into me?” You stood up yourself, too, towering over her. Since you were always so sweet and patient, Seulgi would often forget how much taller you were— in fact, it was one of the things she first noticed when you first met; it had gotten her attention instantly. She hated it now, though— how small it made her feel. “What’s gotten into me is that it seems like I don’t even have a fucking girlfriend anymore! You ignore me all the time like I’m just some friend and not someone who matters! I don’t even know what you’re doing half of the time, with God knows who.” You threw your hands in the air, exasperated.

Her expression turned into a scowl, and she rolled her eyes, palms curling into fists to shake the urge of grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking your insecurities away. Seulgi hated when you implied such things. You were the love of her life, and she’d never, never cheat on you, no matter how distant you were. But you were (deeply) insecure, and she knew that. She was also so, so enraged and stressed.

“Jesus, why are you always so fucking dramatic?” she was quick to snap back, defensive. “Acting like I’m going to leave you for the first person I see in the stree…” Seulgi’s words died on her mouth, immediately realizing the power of her words, making both of you gasp. She tried to reach out to you, but you pushed your chair roughly to get away from her.

Your body went rigid, countless memories of you crying to her flagged your mind. You’ve confessed to her many times about how much it bothered you to not have her around as much. You missed her deeply, and even though you trusted her completely, your mind was always playing tricks on you — not only about her, but with everything: how you weren’t enough at University, always behind your friends in grades; not interesting enough to make long last friendships, as you often saw in big groups of friends; not pretty or talented enough for your girlfriend, who was constantly around so many amazing people. That’s just how your mind worked 24/7; constantly wondering.

And now, Seulgi made sure to tell you just how much she hasn't forgotten any of that. Any of the things that made you deeply insecure.

“Get out.” You told her, hugging yourself to hide the urge of running straight to her arms.

Seulgi took a step forward, but it only made you back away twice as much. “Baby, I’m so sorry… listen, I—“

“I said get out!” You screamed this time, the tears you were fighting so hard to contain rolling freely on your face.

All the sensations you were suppressing all week erupted, boiling over your surface as you brushed past the hallway to try to get to your room, to the bathroom, anywhere small were you could be confined and finally let it all go. You were straight up sobbing now, your body hot from moving roughly alongside your heavy breathing. You were so sick of everyhting. Work, your friends, her. Her words hurt, and all you wanted was to disappear. You didn’t quite feel your body as the tears clouded your eyes, and suddenly very light, delicate hands were lifting you up —you now realized you’d simply sunk in the middle of the hallway, hugging your knees as strong as you could— and guiding you to your bedroom. Seulgi helped you to get under the covers as she lay down beside you, careful to not overwhelm you even more. When the older woman saw you’d settled down a bit, she opened her arms, making you cling onto her immediately. You knew you shouldn’t, but it was so comforting, and you loved her so much… You’d allow yourself just that, only for a few moments.

“I-I don’t want to do this anymore.” you muttered against her neck, wetting her shirt with your tears. “I’m so tired, Seulgi. I can’t.”

You felt her tense before you for brief seconds before her soothing touches went on, kissing your forehead ever so gently— almost as if you were made of glass. You certainly felt like it, at the moment. Like you were a glass full of cracks, threatening to shatter.

“Shh, it’s ok.” She cooed, running her hands under your shirt to draw small circles on your bare back, as she knew it soothed you and made you sleep almost instantly. “You’re too tired right now. Sleep, ok? I’ll be here when you wake up, then we’ll talk.”

You didn’t like the idea of talking things out with Seulgi. It would be too tiring, and maybe, just maybe… you were postponing it for so long because you feared what the outcome would be.

You were too afraid to lose her. So you’d rather leave things as they were, no matter how broken and uncomfortable they might be.

Your eyes, however, were already closing on their own, the warmth of her body making it so easy to just give in and rest.

“Okay.” You whispered, hugging her closer. “Tomorrow.”

You fell into a sleep without dreams soon enough.

-

The first thing you noticed when you woke up was how messy the right side of the bed— Seulgi’s side was. You’d missed the wrinkled sheets and how it always looked like a hurricane had passed over your bed whenever she came over, from how much she moved in her sleep. It made you smile to yourself as you got up, bare feet on the ground, while you hesitantly looked around for her, too scared to call her name out loud and find her gone.

It wouldn’t be the first time she broke a promise, after all.

You’d forgotten how much all the little things with her made you happy.

“…Hello?” You asked— secretly relieved, at the sight of your girlfriend kneeling on the ground, little wrinkles adorning her face as she tried hard to shove too many clothes on your washing machine.

She looked up, startled by the sound of your voice, but quickly smiled. “Hi. Did you have a good sleep?” Seulgi sounded genuinely concerned, making you curse yourself silently for worrying her.

Are you ok? She wanted to ask you. Seeing you so distressed had gotten her so guilty and concerned. She hated to see you like this, and it killed her to know she was to blame. I care.

“Yeah, I did, thanks.” You shrugged it off, standing awkwardly at her sides. “You don’t have to do my laundry, you know.”

“Well, someone has to.” Seulgi scoffed, rolling her eyes as she finally managed to close the machine’s door, even if with a bit of an effort.

You opened your mouth, faking being offended while bringing your hands to your heart. “I was going to do it, okay? On…”

“Saturday.” You both finished, together. Saturdays were laundry day for you, though you rarely followed your schedule through. It made you smile, to know she remembered it, and you said nothing, trying to not break the nice moment you were having.

“So, do you want to have lunch? We can go out, if you’d like.” Seulgi suggested, her tone careful as she fidgeted the hem of her big sweatshirt.

You simply stared at her, confused. Lunch? Had you really slept for that long?

“You slept for 13 hours, babe.” She clarified, looking at your confused face, making you quickly check your phone to confim the truth: it was, indeed, nearly lunchtime.

You’ve never been so grateful to be on your day off as much as you did now, or else you would’ve sure missed your pre-rounds at the hospital.

“Oh, ok.” You answered, a bit ashamed for dozing out for so long. “Let’s have lunch, then.” You realized she must’ve been skipping work, too; which was why you added, frowning. “Don’t you have to be in the company? It’s ok if you do. I can wait until nigh—“

“Don’t worry about it.” Your girlfriend clarified, motioning for you to get ready. “Let’s just have lunch, ok?”

You took a deep breath, knowing what she meant; it was urgent for the two of you to sit, talk and solve things. Giving in, you followed her, changing from your pajamas and fixing your hair as she grabbed some of your clothes (that were too big on her, as always. she loved it.) to go out.

“Ok.”

-

You played with your hands, sitting in front of Seulgi at a local restaurant near your house as you waited for your food to come. The cozy atmosphere didn’t do much to easy your discomfort, and you tried hard to not bite your (already deeply bitten) nails off. Seulgi’s eyes were trained on you, making you feel as if hundreds of tiny needles were piercing your skin through her gaze. To your surprise, not once had she checked her phone, unlike all the times you’ve been together over the last few months. Instead, her sole attention was on you, like you dreamed of so many times in those last weeks.

Now, however, her current focus only makes you want to throw up, from the nerves of the situation.

“You haven’t been taking care of yourself.” She expressed, as a matter of fact. It was true, but her accusation made you defensive, eyes snapping to her as you took a deep breath.

You were tired of arguing, and this was one of your favorite places: you’d rather not cause a scene. “Seulgi.”

“Am I lying?” Your piercing gaze was enough for her to roll her eyes, hands up to show you she wasn’t looking for a fight either. “Ok, let’s not go there.” Her tone dropped an octave, “I just worry, ok? You seem to be having it pretty tough.”

She wasn’t pressuring you to say anything before the two of you actually discussed your issues— you knew it as much. It as just hard for you to express yourself, now even more to do so without crying. And you didn’t want to cry in front of her.

“This rotation has been tough, like I already knew it would be.” You told her, refusing to meet Seulgi’s eyes. “It’s ok, though. It’s nearly over, now. Things will get better, then.”

You’d talked about it before your rounds started, Seulgi remembered. Flashes of you, worried, flashed through her mind, with herself assuring you she’d be by your side to help you on each step of your journey.

The memory made her want to throw up, too.

“Look at me, baby.” You heard her say, yet you still refused to meet her eyes. Instead, you felt her hands holding yours, her touch firm. “Yn, look at me.”

You closed your eyes to prepare yourself for whatever was about to come, a few quiet moments amidst the storm of both of your minds. When you opened them, she was ready to welcome you. “I’m sorry, ok? I truly am so, so sorry for those last couple of weeks— hell, these couple of months. I’m such an idiot for leading you on like that and for not treating you like you deserve it. I love you, God, I fucking love you more than anything in this world, Yn, and I can’t stand the thought of losing you.” Her grip went tighter, but you didn’t care. You could only listen to her words. “I promise I’ll do better, to show you how much you matter to me. I’ll be here for you, just like you’ve always been, for me.” She murmured, taking your hands to your lips as she kissed them gently.

Little droplets of tears still threatened to fall from your eyes as your voice faltered, a bulge forming in your throat. You loved Seulgi and needed her like the air you breathed, and sure missed her every second of the day, when you weren’t together. But her distance had hurt you, deeply.

She was crying, too. You realized you’ve actually never seen her cry, in the 3 years you’ve been dating.

“Your distance really hurt.” You managed to voice it to her, between hiccups. “I-I felt like I was doing something wrong all the time.”

“You weren’t. You’d never, baby.” She reassured you, running her hands through your hair to get it out of your wet face. “It was my fault. You’re mine and I’m yours, ok? We’ll start over, and I’ll show you how much you matter to me. I won’t fuck up our relationship anymore.” She looked at you timidly, adding, “And I’m sorry for what I said yesterday, too. It was not my place to use something you confined at a moment like that. I was such a huge bitch.”

“It’s ok.” You muttered, though still hurt.

“No it’s not.” She exclaimed, serious. “It was horrible, and I’m deeply sorry for that. It’s not going to happen again. Ever.”

Instead of answering, you lunged forward, kissing her urgently— fuck the restaurant and etiquette. Seulgi kissed you with equal fervor, savoring your taste. God, she’d missed you so much.

“I love you.” You told her, smiling as you ended the kiss, leaning on the chair. She pouted, but opened a big smile as she saw yours. “And I don’t want us to end. We’ve been through so much. I want to be by your side, with anything that comes.”

“I love you more, Yn. We’ll be together, always. Nothing will fuck us up anymore. No rehearsals, recordings… nothing.” Her hands brushed your lips as she stared at your face, enamored, before adding. “Now tell me about everything I’ve missed. And I mean everything. Don’t save your words.”

You laughed at her, nodding as you quietly started from the beginning: you’ve told her every bit she missed, and Seulgi told everything about herself, too. You ate your food with content, exchanging every single moment with her until hours had passed, and you’ve decided to return home.

And as you walked in the park together, the windy breeze calmed your soul, and with your love by your side, you felt much, much better.

As it should always be.

[ju-vondy]

Jason's past info reveal on EP. Five X My own thoughts...

After playing the latest episode of MCL New Gen I had to do this post because when Jason told us about his father I almost fell of my chair screaming "OMG I WAS RIGHT???!!!!!" For those who didn't play the episode 5 yet: 🚨⚠️spoilers 🚨⚠️

So... I had this feeling that Beemoov was going to introduce a family drama for Jason, particularly involving his father, to justify his poor behavior, ya know? Like...: the typical story where the teenager loses his father, faces family problems and ends up becoming bitter and tough because of it. The whole "family is a mess" narrative LOL (I honestly hate that concept of "You can heal she/he" thing that usually come together with this kinda plot, that's why even though I made a difficult past for Jason in my fic, he secretly goes into therapy often... so Candy won't need to worry about being a damn "healer" for him 😂)

In fact, I even considered killing his father when Jason was a teenager in my fanfic because I was so sure his dad was dead. But then I thought, "No... Beemoov wouldn't use that cliché of the man who lost his father too soon and had to take on family responsibilities at 18, right? What a drama!"

So, today I'm here to justify the plot I thought about to you: I didn't kill off Jason's father in my fanfic because in my mind it would be too obvious and cliché. Instead, I wanted to explore a different angle that still included family issues and could add depth into Jason's character. But then... I realized that my own story also ended up being quite dramatic LMAO 🤣😅🤐

The way I created Jason's family tragedy, I know it got intense, and sometimes I feel like such a villain for it (~crying in author language~). For a kid, it must be very though waking up from an accident and listening "So... Your father is in a coma. We don't know if he'll wake up or no. He can live but he can also die suddenly, be prepared." And then you wake up everyday hoping your father will wake up but he didn't and you get nothing instead of a fake hope that the next day will be different... You are unsure if he's going to live or die. You didn't lost the person, but you lost its presence, voice, bad jokes, caring, etc. However, you still don't want to lose hope. So, for Jason kid it was like "I'll do my best everyday so when papa wakes up he'll be proud of me :D"

I decided to put Jason's father (I named him as Gregory) through a coma when Jason was a kid for two main reasons: 1) Give Jason a motivation and 2) don't make him deal with "taking care family matters out of the blue" once he was too young.

> That leads to his uncle (named Viktor) accompanying Jason's growth and teaching him everything about the family business, being a leader and etc. Of course Viktor had an aggressive method once Jason father's part of the family is crap and cruel (as I shared on this post).

Despite growing up with his uncle filling his head with nonsense about love being a weakness and such things, young Jason didn't want to be bitter and iced-heart like that. (Yep, he was a hectic kid but that doesn't mean he was evil, he just liked to have fun messing around.) He remembered his father being kind and gentle, almost as if he wanted to break the tough mold of the family. But later Jason faced many disappointments because, being from a wealthy family, (BTW, I got kinda sad when Jason said they were not rich in the EP 5, but now that's done and I don't regret describing his family the way I did once we didn't have any information hehehe) many people around them were fake. He also suffered bullying for being skinny, so... All of those bad things led him to think around the age of 16-17: "Well, there's no other way. When I'm not at home I'll have to put on this mask that my uncle taught me so others won't walk all over me."

However, internally Jason still held hope that Gregory would wake up someday and... Within his good heart, there was the desire of wanting to make his dad proud ~if he woke up~ Jason had as a kid > it still remained there in his mind, so he gave his best effort in everything they put he to do back that time. But at a certain point there was so much pressure on the poor boy that he ended up having a breakdown. 'Do this' 'Don't do that' 'Be perfect' 'Get good grades' 'Blah blah blah'... At the age of 18-19 Jason found himself having like those "I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" moments of life LOL 🤣 He never really liked everything the Mendal stood for, anyway. He always found it a drag to attend luxury dinners, close deals and pretend to be someone he wasn't… Jason ended up becoming a rebellious young-adult despite being studious and dedicated to his goals.

And then things got worse when Jason was near his 20-21 years old: his father sadly woke up in a minimally conscious state. (So: today his father is not dead, but he's not "living" as well. You know? When someone is awake but can't talk, move, etc. sometimes the person can exhibit limited and inconsistent responses to external stimuli, but that's all.) I think that was the "breaking point". Jason got deeply disappointed: He felt like everything he had done in his entire life was for nothing. As a result, the dark-haired began to exhibit dysfunctional behavior, skipping work at the family company, arriving late etc, etc. Viktor took advantage of this moment of weakness and convinced the board/the general council that Jason became irresponsible, went off the rail and therefore was unfit for any leadership position and would never be good enough to take the vice president or president's company role. That made our hated beloved protagonist really angry, it felt like a big betrayal for him. Following that, in a fit of impulsivity, Jason had those moments of "'Fuck you guys. I don't need you idiots. My family sucks and I'll prove them that I can make it on my own without using my father's name.' And that's why he resigned from his position and began working on something else, which would later culminate in the founding of Goldreamz. (Fortunately, this was the moment he decided to start seeing a therapist again, for our sake's.)

Well... I gave you too many spoilers of the fic already, so, basically: Jason’s past sucks and his journey in my point of view is intertwined with themes of redemption, ambition, growing and a desire to protect those he cares about besides his own heart ~which he chooses to not open up with random people. He's not an asshole/jerk, but he decides consciously to behave as if he is one because a bunch of internal reasons. (His therapist is still trying to work on that btw 👀) Jason only shows his truly self when he with his mom, brother, close friends and some of his mother's relatives. (And hopefully, near Candy... As time goes by and they fall for each other) Selective behavior, ya know? It is common for people undergoing therapy to selectively share their true feelings and thoughts with a trusted inner circle, while emotionally protecting themselves from others. Besides, we must remember that therapy is a long and sometimes non-linear process: Jason may resist complete changes, preferring to maintain a protective behavior while slowly working on his internal issues. Jason does not intend to change it, actually. He's happy with only the people he cares about knowing who he truly is... He's like: "bitch, I don't care" about the others. 😅😆

With all of that said: I can’t wait to delve deeper into Jason's motivations in my upcoming chapters, exploring the intricate web of personal and professional stakes that drive Jason’s actions. 🤭 Stay tuned for more revelations and twists 🤪

If you’ve been following my fanfic, let me know your thoughts on Jason’s development and how you think his backstory ties into the larger narrative. And if you’re just catching up on the game itself (MCL New Gen), what do you think of the latest episode? Let’s discuss!

If you're not following my fanfic, I recommend you read this post first 😅 Thank you all for supporting my work and crazy ideas 💖

[solradguy]

hi! can you tell your whole process for learning japanese on your own? where did you start? what resources did you utilise? how did you find and manage your time and maintain discipline? also, how long did it take you to reach fluency?

I am sooooo far from fluent hahaha I'm stumbling through this language Gromit-style

Ok, so, circa 2014 I was studying Norwegian because I really wanted to learn a secondary language (thx American school system...) and I really liked the cadence/feel of Norwegian. That was my entire reason for studying it, I just liked how it sounded lol. But by 2016 I'd learned enough of it from Duolingo that it was time to move on to more difficult study materials.

Which I could not find for the life of me.

I got frustrated and decided it'd probably be best to pick up another language. Japanese was the one I saw the most since a lot of my favorite artists are Japanese, some of my best inking supplies come from Japan (with Japanese packaging), and there used to be a really good local Japanese restaurant too (RIP). Duolingo had just launched an absolutely shit Japanese course that motivated me to look for better practice materials.

I think I started practicing the kana through just writing them a whole bunch before finding out about Tofugu's hiragana and katakana mnemonics-based study articles. From there I did the three free levels offered by Wanikani. Wanikani is awesome, I learned a lot through that program and wish the full version one-time purchase was more affordable... It's worth it, I'm just broke haha

After a while I lost interest in studying Japanese because it's so difficult/time consuming and tried out reconstructed Classical Latin (HARD!), Norwegian again, and just barely dipped my toes into Esperanto. About a year before I got into Guilty Gear (2020), I picked up Japanese again by refreshing my progress on Wanikani. The Duolingo course still sucked but it had gotten a tiny bit better with its kana study tool, though I dropped it again before long. What helped the most this time were books. I tried out these:

Genki - Not bad. I liked how it broke down parts of grammar. However, it's definitely written for a classroom setting. The topics/vocabulary were all school themed and, on top of feeling like I was missing vital information by self-studying, it just got boring.

Tae Kim's Guide to Learning Japanese - This has a physical version but I read it through the free app/website. Much more advanced than Genki, but made for self-study and as a grammatical reference tool. It went a bit over my head and was too fast-paced, I learn kinda slow... Now that I'm much better at Japanese, I should try it again.

Japanese From Zero - My favorite of the books I tried. Goes slower, made more for self-study, and has some free supplemental materials on their website.

While Japanese From Zero was working great, I was losing interest again because my brain CRAVES variety. Straight up translating stories has helped me more than anything else. Japanese Short Stories for Beginners by LingoMastery was a good investment alongside Barron’s Japanese Grammar by Carl and Nobuo Akiyama and Japanese Verbs & Essentials of Grammar by Rita L. Lampkin to help with grammar concepts Japanese Short Stories doesn't expand on enough. IMABI (website) is also a very good grammar reference guide. It can be a bit dry, but I like that. It doesn't waste time and is very direct.

Lingodeer has been invaluable too. The free version is smartphone app only, but that's fine since I usually study right before bed anyway. It has a 5 minute quiz that's just snappy enough to refresh my knowledge without being so long that my brain gets bored of the repetition. The lesson modules also do a really great job at explaining grammatical concepts. There are some other study tools, like specific ones for practicing grammar and vocabulary, that I like.

Then in 2021 I got into Guilty Gear. Boy, did I get into Guilty Gear. Translating GG books has helped me more than all of these other materials combined (except the Tofugu kana articles). HIGHLY recommend going a little crazy for a piece of Japanese media if you wanna learn the language.

I can't speak it for shit though, to be honest lmao. But I set out learning it to read things so that's fine; there are very, very, few Japanese speakers where I live anyway. What I mean by this is that I don't have any materials to suggest for learning how to speak it or to improve listening comprehension, sorry...

If I'm not currently working on a translation project (which counts as studying!!), I try to do at least one of these forms of practice each day:

10-15 minutes of Lingodeer

Do Anki flashcards until I get bored. There's a deck that's all 60 levels of Wanikani, though Wanikani itself is still better.

Practice kana stroke order for the ones I still sometimes struggle with （ツ、シ、ン、ソ......）and at least 5 kanji

Read something in Japanese. Lately this's been Japanese-English Translation: An Advanced Guide by Judy Wakabayashi

There's a page on my Neocities with some study tools but it needs updated with a few things I've since found that work better:

[wildernessuntothemselves]

I was on team Beomgyu until the 6th chapter and ik that all the characters have their own flaws and have to work through it but I started feeling bad for the oc lol. Especially when she referred to her future with Yeonjun as 'unstable' and her relationship with Beomgyu like 'a sun that never rises', these lines hit me and made me think "oh maybe both of them aren't the ones for her". Yeonjun has only been a 'sweetheart' to her so far but never showed his true intentions even for a bit imo, so it's a bit difficult to trust him yk? And she clearly seems insecure whenever she's with Yeonjun since he's kind of a Playboy, this could become a big problem in the relationship if they get together, she might also find him suspicious for no reason or Yeonjun could assume that she cheated on him with Beomgyu (which could actually happen if the feelings between them both are left unresolved). Whereas Beomgyu and oc seem to have had a great chemistry but this little conflict makes them drift apart and the future for them seems hopeless. She's only getting with Yeonjun so she can get over this idiot, but she's an idiot too since she's not making a clear move on him. But it's understandable since there are factors to be considered, still this relationship COULD work out but bc of their recent interactions ig it'll take a lot of effort lol. If she really HAS to end up with one of them, I'm guessing the scenario has to be REALLY specific and I'm excited to know how it turns out. So far I think I shouldn't jump to conclusions yet since it's kinda just the beginning but this is my opinion lol, even tho Beomgyu's emotions were shown a lot in this chapter, still I felt bad for the OC for the first time pfft- but I'm still a sucker for my Gyu so ofc I love that man, Anyways this is my observations~ I guess I could keep adding but I'll stop here. Love you More, take good care of yourself~💝

i wouldn't say he hasn't shown his true intentions. why are we assuming he has ulterior motives? what if he just likes the girl?

but them having jealousy issues with oc thinking he's a playboy and him worrying about gyu will be explored in the coming chapter so you're right abou that.

ahhh i don't know guys you keep saying it will be so hard for her to end up with either and it has to be something really complex and i'm sitting here like 👁️👄👁️ the answer is really very simple and now i feel nervous that you guys won't like the ending because you're expecting something bigger than what i have planned 😂

[lotusmi]

i got a weird void story to share😭😭

so last night i wanted to shift to one of my DRs (didnt even intend to tap into the void at first) and just started doing my own thing. i just started breathing in and out for like 2-3 mins, then after that i started counting from 1 to 100. as soon as i was done counting my dumb ass thought “hey, why not tap into the void instead?” and i started saying void affs as in “i am void” “i am pure consciousness” AND AS SOON AS I STARTED SAYING THEM WEIRD STUFF STARTED HAPPENING RIGHT AWAY. I’ll try to explain it as clearly as i can because i still am a bit confused myself😭 the darkness in front of my eyes got even darker? like it became pitch black. my whole body went completely numbed, i could feel my face still but i couldn’t feel the rest of my body. i started hearing this ringing sound in my left ear??? or beach waves idk either one of them. and my heart started beating so fricking fast that i felt like it was gonna come out of my chest and that scared me and made it difficult to breath. but i guess i either got too scared or excited (or both) because then the whole feeling went away😭 i felt myself in my bed again and the pitch black became “normal”. for the next 30 mins i was contemplating what just happened and decided to try it again. did the whole thing again and as soon i started saying the affs again my whole body went numb and the pitch black came back, although this time it was only for a few seconds and then went away again. so yeah, not sure whatever that was but it kinda motivated me lol. but i think i’ll just stick manifesting waking up into it casually because that shit was scary😭😭😭😭

You should keep persisting since you were about to enter!!!!

[neonsbian]

hi vinnie <3 since you’re like my resident writing oomf i gotta ask: do you have any tips on motivating & inspiring yourself to write and get through a writer’s block? seeing you post about your writing is so inspiring but i’ve been struggling for months now rip </3

hmmm tbh i dont rlly have a good answer for you other than teach yourself self-discipline. ive been writing for almost a decade (crazy to think abt lol) and in that time ive basically had to teach myself to commit to writing.

writing is just like any other artform, it's a skill that you build gradually by practicing consistently. the best way to do this is to come up with a goal in your mind and actually work towards this. i don't mean like, deciding you want to write a novel and just writing right away (though that does work for some people) but building steps to slowly achieve that goal.

let's say you want to write a novel. great! the first thing i would do is find time in my schedule to write. a lot of people assume that means sitting down for hours at a time and just typing away but finding time to do that in todays society isnt easy and personally, it's more effective for me to find gaps and short moments to just write for a bit. for me, the most writing gets done when im constrained for time. and you don't have to do it all at once! you can write a little bit at different points of the day too.

i also plan what im going to write before i write it. this doesn't mean i outline necessarily (i don't do that until the second draft) but before writing a scene, ill have a vague idea of what i want to happen in that scene. sometimes it changes as im writing but i never go into writing without a vague idea of what's going to happen.

i think setting a daily goal for yourself is really important. i know writing everyday seems kinda daunting, especially if you didnt do that before but like i said, writing is a skill you build gradually by practicing consistently and you have to be consistent. your daily goal can be a certain page count, word count, or chapter count. whatever works for you. i personally don't rlly like using quantifiable units as my daily goal bc that makes me like check the word count obsessively and prefer to use story markers as my goal instead. basically, i decide before writing i want to reach a certain point in the story by the end of the day. sometimes im in over my head and have to adjust, but it's more useful to think abt it that way for me.

also, if you're just starting out, i would make my daily goal relatively simple and easy to achieve. if word count is how you're counting it, then i'd set it to like 500 words. you might feel frustrated with how slow your progress is but it's more effective to slowly build a story than to write a huge chunk in a short amount of time and then never touch it again. and even if the progress is slow, at least progress is happening!

i know a lot of people have said this but you're also gonna have to allow yourself to write badly. i feel like this something that's difficult to implement into your mindset but it's essential to teach yourself this or else you'll never get anything done. shitty writing doesn't mean you're a shitty writer, it just means that your writing needs more work and the only way to achieve that is by working on it consistently.

i also personally think it's helpful to read the writing processes of other writers and try doing them yourself. lauren groff, for example, writes her entire second draft from memory which sounded absolutely insane to me but i tried it for one of my short stories. that method didn't really work for me but from her method helped me improve my own system. basically for scenes that were in the first draft but were going to be changed pretty drastically, i don't open my first draft at all and just write the scene. every writer's process is different and what works for one writer isn't always going to work for you, but it's still worth a shot to try it and one way or another, it'll help you understand yourself as a writer better.

to me, writing is self-discipline as much as it's art and building a system that works for you is going to take some time but it's necessary to achieve what you're hoping to achieve.

this ended up being longer than i expected but tldr: set a goal, do it everyday 👍

[n7punk]

We’re stl here! She ra fans are still here!! YOUR fans are still here and not going anywhere! I think a lot of fans are just horny and give more engagement for rated E stuff lol. Also I (personally) try not to bombard my fav writers when I can tell they have shit going on irl- and I know you have dealt with a lot of sickness/pain lately so I dont want to be annoying! Could be the case for others. But we are here :)

aw i do appreciate it <3 ive been having such issues this year it has shaped.... literally everything, from irl stuff to slowing down my writing and also making interacting hard not just with yall but with my friends and family. sometimes messages stress me because i know i cant answer them (especially when i really want to), but i also like talking to you guys a lot its just very difficult at times. ive been having an extended episode for like three weeks now so thats. fun and easy. but! honestly its good to hear that and it is very kind of you <3 rn im on the border where im a little incomprehensible but feeling good enough to kinda ramble.

i feel like i keep mentioning the fandom "shrinking" but honestly i usually bring it up because i know it discourages new people who want to start making art or w/e for catradora and feel like "they missed their chance" but like yeah, youre exactly right, we're still here! if you're interested in catradora, you WILL find other people who still are and we're glad to have you (two cakes, etc).

i don't think the catradora fandom is small by any means, or even shrinking fast, it is just a fact that we used to be very high on the list of top ships, and now we're number 38 - still a big number despite the difference (ive never been in a fandom that ranked before im sure). which is why i brought it up for locked fics now seeing more "engagement" loss than before and part of my motivation to keep working on my stories comes from you guys! because im adhd and struggle with motivation/staying on task lol, so if i cant do something quickly (which hasnt been possible for like a year, you might noticed some of my "long fics" this year are shorter than years previous, though thats also story differences. look at SaD, which i thought would be short, and, well....), hearing other people be invested in it helps to stir up my own investment and keep me going so that was the reason it was a con i had to weigh despite generally focusing on what i like to write/read (side adhd tangent, i love how i started in my fics being like "well i could write adora as adhd or autistic but i worry about my outside perspective" and even worrying about how i do autistic representation to now knowing full well im both and gaining a deeper understanding of my life from it /end). i do think the lock will be very temporary (most likely because the damage is done, but hopefully because of some improvement/we find something new)

i did not mean to harp more on that and i think this will be the last time i mention it im just very rambling right now. anyway this message was sweet and i appreciate you <3

[valkavavaart]

16 & 18

16. What’s the most daunting part of your process? Ex, planning, sketching, lineart, rendering etc

getting started is difficult but... COLOURING AND RENDERING... I DREAD IT SO MUCH....

18. Do you have any larger projects you’d like to pursue? Like comics, shortfilm, a series etc?

i have chronic "i start 5 billion projects at a time" disorder in which i keep picking up and putting things down. but comics and games are my biggest passions;

i have a few comics scripted / planned out and i've even like. (puts my head in my hands) sketched 25 chapters of a comic that i really really really wanna make but i'm not sure if/when it'll come to fruition yk.

in terms of games i wanna make an rpg maker game or a visual novel really bad! i planned out and made sprites for this one big project but i kinda started thinking it's a bit much so i have a second, smaller project to work on in the meantime just while ii get a feel for How i want to do things i guess. i don't talk about them anywhere because i, again, have chronic "i start 5 billion projects at a time" disorder and don't want people to comment on that or acknowledge when i drop them LOL. anyway anyway i have... i have two little rpg projects in the works... who knows when i'll power through them but playing other rpg maker games (recently it's been fear&hunger and pocket mirror, a match made in... heaven????) make me way more motivated to make my own smaller, simpler games.

i'd love to do art for games *lays on the floor, deceased*... and i love using rpg maker tbh it's really fun to me, but my visual novel dreams are in the dirt right now because i am too stupid to learn renpy... my final message, goodbye...

[onlyswan]

Hiii Art!! How have you been and how's your work/studies whatever it is that you do. Good? Eh? Well mine's kinda on a dry and wet mode rn lol.

Mind if I rant here?

I have 2wk worth of exams coming up and I have no motivation to study. I honestly regret taking up the course im studying for. I mainly took it up because its lucrative and helpful in today's economy. But honestly I should have just pursued 14yo Lyfie's dream to become a nurse. It wouldve been so much more rewarding🥲🥲🥲.

Anyways despite that im just praying my gpa doesnt go down the drain, and im gulity right now because i wasted the whole day doing nothimg even though i told myself to go study. I couldnt do it. I just......well i knew what i was doing was bad but everytime i looked at my notes i felt as if i knew them all, and in the end achieved nothing. Sigh i hate myself for how repetitve this unhealthy cycle has become. Parental pressure isnt helping either. I try ranting and they say its just momentary tiredness and it would go away soon and then further guilt me into wasting time :((((.

Wow that became long. Im so sorry for litterally trauma dumping on you, especially if tou had a long day. It would be the last thing you'd wanna worry about 😂😂😂

Anyways i wanted to ask you about your writing, both as a fellow fic author and as loyal reader of yours. What inspires you to write?

(I.e set time aside to write your fics and even feel motivated to open up that document? I have so many plot bunnies, headcanons and fic ideas, but no matter how enticing, everytime i try opening up my google docs, that burst of excited energy saps away. Urgh its so frustrating!!😠)

And for your fics, we had possible teases of engagement btwn jk and oc and even f2l hopelessly pining jk and oc. So i was wondering will we ever get a confession scene 👀👀👀?

I rmbr when jk ssid somewhr in an interview where he would love to lift his partner up and kiss them and my mind went str to the in which couple lol knowing your writing and since its jk its gonna be so cute cheesy and gonna involve tears 😇.

Funny enough i also know that both oc and jk are heavy on respecting e/o be it space or privacy, and when i heard Twice MISAMO's Do Not Touch song which was about consent and it was potryaed beautifully compared to art masterpeices, it got me thinking about their initial stages of skin ship or how they got comfortable around e/o physically or even their first time. Idk im just so invested in this universe lol 😭😂

Hmmm, but thats it for now. I'll reach out to you soon!!! :D

-Lyf

hiii lyf <3 work is draining and some customers are rude but my co-workers are fun to be with so it’s alright 🥲 uni also started this week and it’s nerve wracking but also soooo exciting !! i’m just gonna need some time to adjust to this new life + schedule 😬

i’m so sorry to hear that beloved :( i’m sure with the given the circumstances that you chose what you thought would be best for you at that time and i think it’s important that you recognize that too !! 🫂 and yesyes studying is so freaking difficult especially when you don’t feel motivated >:( for me personally time management has been pretty helpful. i love schedules ^^ sometimes i do house chores first to get my brain into work mode too and i give myself little rewards during break times (which are sooo important) or after studying hehe like snacks or screen time !! please look after yourself and your health. 🥺

dw i’m mostly fine with you guys ranting about stuff like school !! because same !! but i’m just putting it out there that when it’s abt triggering stuff i have to restrain myself 🥲 i don’t reply to those because it really affects me badly mentally too :(

hmmm when it comes to inspiration to write 🤔 like i said i do love schedules hehe i open a draft every night before bed + in my notes i also save words/phrases/scenarios that pop in my mind throughout the day but couldn’t write yet :D but i don’t really get to write everyday bcs i’m too tired or nothing just comes out. sometimes i only write one sentence or one paragraph then pass out lol. on a good day i finish one scene and maybe start writing the next too !! a jungkook weverse live will always 100% give me a big rush of motivation tho 🤭

and i doooo want to explore the earlier stages of oc and jungkook’s relationship 🥹🥹🥹 i have many many plans !! but i just want them to be perfect so it might take me a while </3 this is still a long journey if y’all are up for it hehe thank you so much for being invested in our little iw universe !! 🥰 it truly means the world to me that i get to enjoy my passion like this :") ilysm lyf 🫂

[willowser]

plotting a fic can be so fun and actually feel so good once you've connected everything but writing it ??? another story all together.

how od you sit down to write i am suffering

oh my honey-dear, if that is not the age old question !! 😭

i think the physical act of writing is the hardest part of the process. which sounds a bit silly when you say it, because — it's literally just sitting down and writing the words out !! but i think shaping an idea for a fic has a lot to do with that, because by the time you've thought over your plot points and developed your characters and figured out your twists and filled in the holes — your idea has, in a way, been perfected. by the time you sit down to write, you are usually at a stage where the idea has undergone change after change, edit after edit, kinda like drafts. but when you sit down to type the words out — that's your first draft of the physical, told story, and it's never how we imagined this final, sculpted vision.

i think that's where a lot of the joy of pantsing comes in, at least for me, because i'm discovering it all as i'm writing it, and so there is no disconnect between the first draft of my idea and the last draft because there is only the one draft. the problem that i often find here though is that i hate re-writing LOL it's a huge motivation killer for me, and the only way to find plot holes or conflict in the writing when pantsing is to actually write it — so then when you find the issue, you have to backtrack. AH BUT ANYWAY.

i think that typing the words isn't the hard part, in the literal sense, it's accepting what you've written. because you can type whatever, easy, into the keyboard, but allowing yourself to accept that it isn't perfect is hard. if i write a sentence two or three times and i can't get it right I WANNA QUIT, but at the same time, editing is my favorite part of the process ?? so you'd think i'd be okay with moving on, knowing i can come back later, but IDK. IDK WHY I'M LIKE THIS.

something i'm really going to work on this year is to just let myself have a shitty first draft. and a second and a third, until i find the words i want to say. and i think giving yourself the grace to do it ugly and then fix it up later is really, really difficult, and that's why writing can be so hard sometimes, because we want to do our best ofc !! but a first draft is better than no draft, i think, because then it can be molded and shaped into exactly what you want it to be 💕✨️

[m1ckeyb3rry]

No way that’s actually so cool…. that mindset is actually just really impressive to me because if I was not as interested in something I feel like instead I’d just be less motivated to make it a masterpiece! You COOKED for your event fr I got converted via your event and works generally into liking or even just appreciating some characters more (I’m ngl I think white butterfly was one of my favs too something about the story was just so >>>>> started my conversion to Hiorism and my spiral into your masterlists I live for fwtkac saga though for obv reasons LMAO)

Bro I was literally reading through your work like SHE TOOK THE ASSIGNMENT SERIOUSLY??? STOP BC THE SOCCER PLAYER EGO AND RELIGIOUS TRAUMA IGAGURI??? Goodbye those plots cook I CANNOT see igaguri pulling someone….omg imagine bestie Noel??? Stop that dynamic would be too funny. Also! About neutrality you’re doing like. Too good of a job. It’s been awhile but as I mentioned before I found peregrine a looong time ago and then came back to it but besides that I think cherry tree was one of the other first works of yours I read? This was all before I put the pieces together that you wrote everything LMAO but I enjoyed both sm and I definitely couldn’t tell you didn’t like Rin as much LOL

LITERALLY the worst is when I have to write something like an essay or report on spot like ok get ready for an entire evolution of my thoughts then because we are not ending where we started LMAO

There’s SOOO many possibilities please BLLK managers I’m begging you to take this marketing opportunity…please….Ive seen some series make some not great business decisions imo so please don’t be one of them!! We NEED ego origin story at some point or another like…you also can’t just drop that symbolism in his volume cover and now elaborate anything

FR honestly I think we just have to wait for s2 hype kinda like jjk…I don’t expect it to be the same degree but something similar because it’s reaaallly popular in Japan right now and even Asia in general sooooo

PLEASE KARASU DESERVES ONE TOO!! With all the Karasu we’ve seen lately there’s gotta be some awakening/evolution coming soon…

UHHSHEHSH I think it is my app…I tried looking at other profiles and some work and some don’t….??? I can’t find a specific trend but idk I’ll do the usually on off delete app or something shshshgsshhs but THANK YOUUU that would be much appreciated!!! Sorry for having to go through you to ask LOL

**this is so random but ok so I type out all my asks in a separate note so I don’t accidentally lose everything if I close tumblr but I have no idea how to do strikethrough here so I usually wait to do it on tumblr so I put quotation marks to remind myself but I forgot to go back and do that for my last ask I mean to strikethrough itoshi hate but now it’s just sitting as quotation marks SHSGGSSH in my mind ik it’s not a big deal but it doesn’t capture the same vibe ugh….anyways just thought I should mention that cause it also looks weird just as it is now oops

-Karasu anon

THANK YOUUU there’s def times when a character is hard for me…for some reason i have the MOST trouble writing isagi??? idek why he’s a relatively simple character but i just cannot get into a mindset where i can write for him which is crazy 😭 the most i could do is have him be a side love interest i think (like a pi inumaki and tullia variant) but it’s crazy because he’s so popular and also just such a random character to find difficult to write for 😓

from just a writing standpoint white butterfly and the instrument are my favs!! from an enjoyment standpoint though fwtkac is the winner it was just so fun LMAOO…the way i still have a couple of requests left from that event is insane though 😭💔 i thought i’d be done by now tbh 😩 actually ykw if karasu’s version of bfb didn’t end up so long i bet i WOULD be done already!! but i’m in sooo deep now 😋 i can’t wait to finish and post it AHH it’s taking me a bit but i am determined i will get it out soon!!

HAHAHA IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE…pls soccer player ego who slowly drives away everyone he loves by going insane over his failure to be a striker + sarcastic deadpan bestie noa who does his best to comfort you but lowkey can’t would be an insanely fun combo!! and omg pls i can’t imagine igaguri pulling either 😰 it would be such a majestic heartbreaking fic and then you’d be reminded that it’s abt IGAGURI of all people and it’s just like WHY 😭 like a reverse crack fic HDKDJSJ

OKAY YAYYY i’m glad that it doesn’t come through!! especially with a request event i don’t want to make anyone sad by hating on their favs/doing a shitty job when they came to me and asked me to write for them yk?? ofc there’s a difference in word count and all (cherry tree being like 6k words roughly vs fwtkac being…well. you know.) but not in quality!! at least that’s the goal 😄

KANESHIRO KEEPS DROPPING THREADS ABT RANDOM STUFF AND THEN NOT ELABORATING!! like anri?? ego and noa?? whatever happened to sae?? WILDCARD?? i actually don’t mind bllk’s pacing tbh (it’s torturous when chapters are releasing but super good on reread imo) but there’s so many questions i needddd answered ASAP ✅ GET ME ON THE EXEC BOARD JUST TO APPROVE THESE SPIN-OFFS FR

i agree it’s rlly popular in asia and it’s also in a good spot because it’s kind of a blend of a typical battle shounen and sports anime (like jjk and haikyuu [never watched hq but i generally know of it]) so it can attract a diverse audience…once the battle shounen girlies give it a chance it’ll become sooo much more popular!! ik initially i was hesitant because i’m not hugely into sports so i thought it’d be boring but it’s rlly different and i obviously ended up loving it!! so hoping more people try it out and end up in that same spiral

THERE’S NO WAY WE’RE NOT GETTING SMTH he’s been featured heavily in epinagi AND keeps making cameos ik my man has GOT to be cooking because no way he’s going to end the game doing nothing…personally still holding onto the hope that he shidou and zantetsu link up to break their formation free from kunigami as that could get karasu some bonuses in terms of his offer as well as putting the focus on shidou and kunigami who are two SUPER unexplored characters that have a very shared/intertwined backstory which could then be elaborated upon!! but we shall see…atm the game is very rin kaiser isagi focused so who knows

HAHAH NEVER FEAR!! she gave me pinterest links but ngl one of them wasn’t working sooo i used one to go to the artist’s page on twitter/x/wtvr it’s called and found the art she mentioned!! here’s the link…it actually is really majestic although unfortunately i cannot read the little notes written on it 😩

LMAOOO omg don’t worry the quotation marks still got the message across fine!! and that makes sm sense bruh tumblr is so unreliable at times 😰

[myinnerocean]

Hi Jo,

Here we go. Some time has gone by and with that also some things have changed.

I managed to get used to this place in some way, which means I'm not totally stressed out all the time and everywhere. I got in touch with some people which means when I go outside for cigs I know everyone who's there too and it's kind of company. That's a good thing, it's not only strangers anymore.

I can't do all of the things I should do, like I don't go swimming or go to the gym here but that's okay.

I've got a different problem now and I'm struggling with that.

After 3 weeks being here my therapist talked to me about what she is perceiving and what her impression is of me. And it seems that I show the same problem here as at home with my therapist. It's that I can't open up fully. That doesn't mean I have to talk about all 100% of me and I know that. I actually knew very well what she told me what the problem is because I feel it too. I also feel it with my home therapist and they are both right lol. I will try to explain but it's pretty difficult.

I do can talk about all topics. Right before a session I always feel enough relaxed and motivated and willing at my heart do the therapy work thing lel. . Sometimes I already have a topic in my I head I wanna bring up.But as soon as I enter this talk situation I already have a strong sense of stress. It just happens and I don't know why. Suddenly all those good feelings are gone. I go in kinda protector mode. My body makes it seem like there's an attack coming. I'm sweating, hearts pumping and the whole conversation feels like a fight. And idk why the fuck. At first I thought I just need a lot of time to trust, but I've been there for a year and it didn't change. Like I can talk about everything but when it comes fo the thoughts and feelings behind the things I talk about, all the big questions of why and how my mind thinks about it, I just can't tell. The questions get in my head but they don't really. As more good and right a question goes as distanced my answers go. And I can't do a thing about it. Once I get home and think about the sessions and questions suddenly my mind clears up and only then I feel like the question really gets to me and In my head I get a much more right and honest answer. And I always just wish I could go back and say it then. So now my therapist noticed this pattern and everything she said was right. In totally it means that If I keep sticking by that pattern, i won't make progress. Which is the point I'm at therapy at home. Because I am not getting 100% into it. And ofc the big question is finding out what causes this stress. Why am I holding back? What is the specific fear? What is it, that I'm worried about, if I stop holding back. Those are the questions I got asked, which I ofc also got asked back then at home. Bc that's how the therapist work right, identifying the problem and then you can work on it, but I don't the fuck know. I tell them I trust them. I tell them that I know its okay to say all the things I want, to share all the things and I know that nothing will happen here. But I obviously don't because otherwise I would do it, right ?

Ugh idk i feel like for outer ppl if seems not like a big deal. Like the advice I hear is 'give yourself time/ there's nothing to be scared of / everybody feels weird talking with a stranger about everything inside ur head" but I feel like in my case it just goes much deeper and I need more than more time or just more trust.

So that convo made me the fuck sad and very angry about myself. I just keep thing 'I hate myself' a hundred times. Because after all this time and many happenings I took so many steps to finally get rid of all this dark shit. And now it's really myself who's is holding me back. Who say no to the help all These nice ppl Here are offering me. My therapist asked what we can change or do different so that I feel more at ease and all I can think about it is to say nothing. Because there's nothing wrong there. I like her, she's kind and there isn't a single thing she does that makes me uncomfortable.

So that's what's in my mind now. Thinking about how my mind works, where the switch is to make talking about my inside does not feel like a death sentence, as if the worst that could happen. Because otherwise this time here was wasted and nothing will ever change. Since that convo my depression raised loool so i just feel down and mainly hopeless.

Now it's weekend and as always I just hope time goes by fast because weekends are just empty days here. And I just hope the next sessions comes soon and I will give everything to not hold back. But idk man, idk idk idk.

[ask-alphabetboyluvr]

i know you mentioned not being offended, but you seemed pretty offended by the end of it 😂

my question was answered in the first few paras where you mentioned your real life doesn't resonate w what the plot of the book is, so i'm glad my question was answered

as for the rest of it, oof

like i don't remember saying that you shouldn't write something that deviates from my preferences, nor did i say i want the two in otte to have a happy ending and live happily ever after, my question was simply why write something that puts you through emotional hurt bc you know that would make it difficult for you to complete when people could potentially end up wanting more, which again, was answered, idk where you got the 'cookie cutter' ending idea from, because again, i never said anything about that, also bc otte doesn't even have an ending to begin with lmao

i never asked you to not write a fic that doesn't fit my standards nor was it an attempt at that bc i'm an avid reader of angst and would love an angsty ending if there's going to be one at all, all i was wondering about a complete book

half of your reply wasn't even what i was looking for?? it was simply unprovoked and hurt me a little because i try to put forth my question as respectfully as possible nor would i encourage you to stop writing bc i like your fics, i could expect a lil niceness too right? or does that irk you too 😂😭??

the hashtags apart from the first few paras were rude for no reason, especially when i made it clear i wasn't tting to be offensive and it never was my intention

thanks for answering i guess

also, another question, is there a posting schedule for the 'slut war' book? or would it be like bd?

i was annoyed, not offended!! and i've also slept on it so am a lot more chill about it now. you caught me at a bad time and that's on me, so I'm sorry for being a bit defensive with it all. if i'd have waited until this morning to answer it then yeah, you probably would have gotten a different answer.

that being said, tonally, your ask came across a bit rude to me--it questioned my motives in a way that I didn't really get, and made me feel like i was a bit stupid for publishing in the first place. it might just be your typical way of typing, but it's the kinda way i type when I'm fighting with someone lol, so it had my back up!! especially that final little lmao!!

you've also gotta bear in mind that I don't really have much of a presence on tumblr and that the otte was published 9 months ago, when my presence was even smaller. i really didn't/dont have reader expectations. it felt like you were calling me ingenuine and that's a shitty thing to be made to feel like!! especially when I've always been very open/honest with you guys about things!!

the story to me is done. it was never intended to be a fic!! or to have a resolution!! that's what I meant by people wanting a cookie cutter ending--you wanted something different to what was written. the ending is the ending.

i think i always strive to be kind, and I definitely wasn't trying to be unkind--but I'm also not a doormat and I do have feelings too, so even if you didn't intend for it to come across rudely, it kinda did and I responded accordingly.

the last thing i want is to leave a bitter taste in peoples mouths, though, so hopefully we can chalk this up to a misunderstanding/bad timing/me being a little reactive.

as for slut war--yes, it will be like bd!! I'm trying to commit to having the first 5 or 6 chapters ready for upload by the time bd is done so that we can have a steady couple of weeks of updates as we get into the story. it'll be shorter--a little over standard novel length, probably around 140k!

[jaderimehardt]

I am back with another ramble-y blog post! I've been posting a lot these the past few days, haven't I? I disappear indefinitely, and then pop back up as actively as ever. Strange, right? 🤔

So, earlier I officially announced my Etsy is up and running, woo! 🥳 I got most things done for it, like my website, social media posts, headers, banners, icons, etc. Only thing I'm missing is making dividers. I'm kinda lagging behind on making those... (I'll get to it 🫠 my brain feels like mush atm. I need a break.)

Thing is, my idea of a "break" is ~go to Youtube to watch videos, and absorb information~ which is technically "not a break".

I'll do this for probably 2-3 hours, depending on how "drained" I feel. I do come out feeling like I've learned a lot though! (But my brain isn't getting a rest, lol 😅)

Let me share just one video from someone new I found (that I totally subscribed to). I really like his videos and I'll be watching a lot more of them in the future. He has a great sense of humor and his vids are very helpful.

I watched a couple of his color theory vids as well because the last time I can remember studying color theory-anything was years ago.

It doesn't hurt to brush up on those things. Like, I forgot about the triadic color scheme. I don't know why that one specifically 🤔. The others I was like "Oh yeah! For sure remember those." but my brain was like "Triad? That went poof somewhere along the way, derp." 🙃

It's possible I've been passively applying it all this time without realizing it but I'd have to go back through my art and look 🤷🏻‍♀️

And then mix some of his information with tips and tricks from another person I recently found (and linked a couple days ago). I'll link another vid I found today from her that I really liked.

The last vid from her would work great on watercolor paper that's weighted/heavy enough to take in solvents (from a couple posts ago). But this method, I feel is great for paper that is too lightweight where you cant.

All this is to say, I'm finding a lot of motivation from these videos I'm watching- and tips and tricks, and learning new skills and methods.

I can't wait to try a lot of these things. I did buy some new pencils and erasers but I do have a lot of this stuff already (I believe I mentioned this in a previous post).

Valentine's Day is coming up and so is one of my favorite anime character's birthdays. I've been trying to formulate poses and ideas of what to draw but I'm coming up with a total blank, lol. It's increasingly difficult when I've drawn him for the past 3 years. I can't do the same thing over and over 😅

Time to think of something and to actually draw something is just getting shorter and shorter 😖 Valentine's day is not that far away~

[agriffin95]

Been a While: Update

Hey guys,

It's me again. been kinda a struggle as of late just trying to adult lol. work isn't doing great I won't go into names or say where I work tho.Too much drama. Lots of just lumping my fiancé and I together, we are two separate people.Yes we're engaged.Yes we used to work together. However co workers would constantly call one of us and if one of us wouldn't answer they would go to the other. as soon as we started dating it felt like both of us were treated differently as well. idk it could be just my perception of it all but my fiancé ended up leaving and the drama continued and things just haven't been the best.I also got suspended for attendance a few time due to kinda just everything (overworked, stress, just loss of motivation)  My sister isn't great. she's having stomach issues and we're not sure what it is yet. that ways on me a lot which is why I called out one day and right away the day after I got suspended for it. we don't see each other as much since were adults but as her big brother I worry bout her. I text her to make sure she's ok and when she comes to my parents house I check in on her. financially I'm kinda screwed rn tho which just adds more stress. I'm kinda in this in between phase of trying to look for a new job and start fresh.Its just something I need to do for myself. I made amazing friends and met my fiancé where I was but being friends with your higher ups in the department is biter sweet. We have good times but it's difficult to juggle work and personal life like that on top of other things going on in life. I could go on but I just wanted to put it all out there.I finally just need to make changes that I've been putting off and causing me to stress out and become depressed leading to habits like drinking, minor hoarding and not being smart about the important things. Im just so happy I have my fiancé to support me and a family to support me was well. sometimes I am ashamed that I'm 27, deff a mess, no full time job even though I've tried and I'm still in my parents house for now but soon after I go through my stuff ill be able to make the move and get my shit together. I know I'm “still young” but I feel like I should be further in life than I am and I've been making a lot of the same mistakes and I need to get out of this cycle.��

I don't know if anyone will read this, frankly I don't care either way I just wanted to type it out and get it all off my chest. something to look back on to help me in the long run. all in all I'm working on myself and I'm trying to look on the bright side and I'm ready to be a better me. 

-A   4/8/23