#but if all else fails no one has any right to shame you for modding the game to be easier. games should be fun first and foremost

[lordgeneralsix]

people struggling w kcd need to forget how every other rpg works you will save yourself the frustration by expecting it to be easy

[your-turn-to-role]

Hello there! i saw someone else doing this and i thought it was a fun and cool idea so: Headcanon Saturday (or sunday if its sunday for you): share a favorite headcanon (or lots of headcanons), big or small, if you feel like it! Your blog is very cool and I love seeing your thoughts whenever they pop up on my dash! keep doing what you do :D

it is in fact sunday for me! (or, it was when you sent this, it's wednesday now bc i had an assignment i had to do and uh, nz just went back into major lockdown so that’s fun)

but thank you so much!

and honestly this question had me stumped for a bit, because, in theory i have some, right? but, one, i'm less of a theory fan and more of a collector fan, i can put together minuscule details from all over the show to get a big picture of a character, but i rarely have headcanons that aren't based in some show evidence or other

and when i do have some, they either end up in a meta post im writing, or in a specific tag (like my cr nd headcanons i'll link a bit further down), or in a fic that i will write half of and never post bc i am chronically terrible at finishing things 😂

that said! i have scoured through fic ideas and discord server messages, so here have a few

fave headcanon that's not mine

disabled essek. like, thank you fandom for this one, it's incredibly dear to my heart, i consider it canon, nothing can convince me otherwise, it is going in all my fics, just.... comfort character

sometimes a character can be a neutral evil criminal and a disability icon okay

fave identity headcanon

see this tag for my various "why cr characters are neurodivergent" essays, also, fjord and jester are arospec thank you good day

a couple ones just based on dnd mechanics that i enjoy

- gilmore is a couple levels self taught in wizard

(he at the very least would have magic initiate if you were to build him like a pc bc he has identify, which is not a sorcerer spell, but... something about how he loves magic and was very determined to stand out but also something happened to him with the whole runechild thing that makes him scared to admit he is one so obviously he wouldn't flaunt that power, also the way he's kinda self deprecating whenever he has to admit he doesn't know wizard stuff, yeah, he definitely tried to teach himself magic the non sorcerer way)

- percy has a pristine organisation system for every room he owns and if you mess it up he can no longer find anything

this one is based off of two things. 1) percy is canonically a very neat and tidy person. after the feast with the briarwoods he goes home, wrecks his room trying to vent his feelings, and then barricades himself in his workshop. when vox machina find his room the next morning matt notes that percy's room is never messy like this. also, just in how he talks to grog when grog's snooping in his workshop, percy definitely knows the precise location of every tool in there. also he's just a precise person in general.

2) taliesin's weakness in rolling good for percy is investigation checks. he fails them almost every time. he has a decent int mod, but the dice just decided no investigation checks for you! (also, i haven't gone back to confirm this, so i may be wrong, but i'm pretty sure one of the few good investigation checks he makes is in whitestone castle). strict organisation system. he is absolutely useless without it 😂

aaaand, fave angsty headcanon (bc it's me, there was gonna be one)

the blumendrei didn't leave their hometown for days after they killed their parents. like. okay i've had a fic i've been lowkey writing for ages about these guys (yes i have like 40 cr fics in some form of wip status, no none are finished, this is how i exist), in the aftermath of that, bc i love them and i have a lot of thoughts about it

(also, not that i can prove it bc the fic was never posted but i kinda predicted the, cold stone tower overnight thing, which had me feeling A Way when that became canon!)

but anyway what this is based on is like... there's an idea in the fandom that trent directly ordered them to kill their parents but he really didn't. like obviously he put every step in place, but when caleb's telling that story, trent barely even comes up. he talks about how he found out his parents were traitors and how he "knew what he had to do"

so honestly, given everything we know about how trent engineers situations, it makes the most sense to me that the blumendrei, didn't want trent to know about this at all

like they believed the lie that their parents genuinely were traitors, so if you find out that horrifying secret, in the environment they'd been in for the past two years? that's shameful, horrifically so. why would they tell trent about that if they could avoid it? why risk getting branded the same, you've been told up to this point you're special, and you'd kill to keep that title. why on earth would you admit that your bloodline is tainted like that?

no, they would have tried to cover it up, as long as they could. which, is exactly what trent would want bc that again puts them on the back foot, but like... yeah, i fully believe they waited it out for a couple of days before going to trent until they were sure they couldn't wait any longer for bren to get better without drawing even more suspicion. and, since their cover story is they were supposed to be visiting their parents anyway, maybe they didn't go all that far

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #128: Tamamo no Mae (Lancer)

If you live in the northern hemisphere: With daylight saving’s finally behind us and the world once more starting to warm up, we turn our thoughts to summer, with plenty of beach-themed servants to tide us over until summer 4 starts proper. 

If you live in the southern hemisphere: As Summer winds its way to a close and fall shuffles in once more, let’s take a moment to remember all the good times we had this... er, last summer. With the help of some classic summer servants, this’ll be easy!

Today we’re building Tamamo Shark, a.k.a. Tamamo no Mae (Lancer)! This foxy gal has traded in all her magical prowess for a bikini and an elegant parasol, but she’s still a force to be reckoned with!

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: Summer Lovin’, had me a blast!

Race and Background

We’ve done this one already, so I’ll speed through it. As a Tabaxi Courtier, you get +2 Dexterity; +1 Charisma; Darkvision; the ability to double your movement for a turn with Feline Agility; Cat’s Claws for some slashing damage with unarmed attacks; and proficiency with Perception, Stealth, Insight, and Persuasion. 

Ability Scores

Here’s where things get interesting. Your highest scores are Wisdom followed by Dexterity. When you hit the beach, you’re all about grace That means socially and physically. After that is Charisma- you have a lot of people who’d like to touch fluffy tail. After that is Constitution, followed by Strength. You’re still kind of a caster, but this origin’s all about letting loose a bit. Finally, dump Intelligence. You’re not dumb, you’re just not here to think. Save it for Fall.

Class Levels

1. Monk 1: Don’t expect all the summer servants to have Unarmored Defense, giving you an AC of 10 plus your dexterity and wisdom modifiers while you’re wearing a bikini. There’s only so many ways you can fit that into a build, some of them are gonna have to put on some clothes eventually. That being said, monk works for you, for reasons that’ll be apparent in a bit.

You also get Martial Arts, allowing you to make an unarmed attack as a bonus action after attacking with a monk weapon as your action. You can also use dexterity instead of strength when making attacks, and your monk attacks deal a minimum of 1d4 damage, scaling based on your monk level.

You also get proficiency in Strength and Dexterity saves, as well as two monk skills; Acrobatics for parasol skills, and Religion for Being a God.

2. Fighter 1: We’ll go back to monk in a bit for your signature move, but first we should head over to fighter to mod up your umbrella. For the sake of attacks, I’m calling your parasol a spear, but you can also use the Interception fighting style to pop that bad boy open and block some damage, using your reaction to block 1d10+ your proficiency bonus on an attack against you or someone else within 5′. You also get a Second Wind to heal as a bonus action. A bit underpowered compared to your usual kit, but we’re not aiming for heals here.

3. Monk 2: Second level monks get a number of Ki points per short rest equal to their monk level, which they can currently spend to Dash, Disengage, Dodge, or make two unarmed attacks as a bonus action. You also get Unarmored Movement, giving you an extra 10 feet of movement to work with each turn, which also increases as you level up. Turns out a bikini’s easier to move in than those kimonos you like to wear.

4. Monk 3: By channeling your mana from spells into your body, you unlock the Way of the Open Hand, allowing you to align your strikes with your foes’... ki... to produce one of several effects. Your Open Hand Technique allows you to add these effects to your flurry of blows attacks. Either: force a dexterity save or be knocked prone, force a strength save or push them 15′ away, or make them unable to make reactions for a round. It’s okay I wouldn’t be able to react for six seconds either.

You can also Deflect Missiles, allowing you to block incoming ranged damage, and with a perfect block you can even bounce it back to sender!

5. Monk 4: We’re keeping it simple with your Ability Score improvements this time. Bump up your Wisdom for a stronger AC, more mystique, and stronger fancy fighting techniques. You can also use Slow Fall, which doesn’t feel like it’d be very useful on a beach, but you never know. There’s trenches in them thar seas. Finally, you get Quickened Healing to heal as an action by spending some ki points. Again, less healing than normal, but you’re on vacation! You’re not going to work that hard.

6. Monk 5: Fifth level monks get an Extra Attack each attack action, and they can turn those attacks into Stunning Strikes by using ki points. The target then has to pass a Constitution save, or be stunned for a round. Stunned creatures automatically fail strength and dexterity saves, opening them up for your open hand technique, and all attacks made against them are at advantage. Also, they probably won’t be having children afterwards. That’s not in the player’s handbook, but it’s true.

7. Fighter 2: We’ve got your noble phantasm down, so now we can go back to multiclassing for style points. Second level fighters get an Action Surge once per short rest, giving them an extra action in a single turn. You’d be surprised how much you can squeeze into a summer day.

8. Fighter 3: You’re all about grace, and there’s no martial archetype that’s more graceful than the Samurai! You can activate your Fighting Spirit as a bonus action, giving you advantage on all of your attacks for that turn three times per long rest. You also get some temporary HP to help out with the not dying thing. On top of that, you also get History proficiency. You literally lived through plenty of historical events, I’m sure you remember them.

9. Fighter 4: For some more blessings of the fox god, use this ASI to grab the Lucky feat. This gives you three luck points per long rest that can be cashed in for an additional d20 roll for an attack roll, saving throw, or ability check involving you. You can choose either the normal result of the roll, or your lucky roll.

10. Fighter 5: To make up for how powerful that last level was, this one gives you literally nothing. Extra attacks don’t stack.

11. Fighter 6: Another ASI already? Bump up your Wisdom for a better AC and stronger stunning strikes.

12. Fighter 7: At seventh level, you’re an Elegant Courtier, letting you add your wisdom modifier to persuasion rolls, and you become proficient in wisdom saves. We aren’t spending any ASIs to improve your fluffy tails, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t the center of attention.

13. Fighter 8: Your last fighter level gives you yet another ASI. Max out your Wisdom and start on your Dexterity. Turns out monks are pretty predictable.

14. Monk 6: Oh yeah that’s right, you’re a monk! This level gives you Ki-Empowered Strikes, making your unarmed attacks magical against resistances. You also gain a Wholeness of Body, spending an action to heal yourself for three times your monk level once per long rest.

15. Monk 7: Seventh level monks know Evasion, meaning you take half damage from failed dexterity saves and no damage from successes. You also gain a Stillness of Mind that lets you end a charming or frightening effect as an action. Freaking out ain’t gucci.

16. Monk 8: Eighth level monks get another ASI, bringing your Dexterity one step closer to perfection.

17. Monk 9: At ninth level, you get an Unarmored Movement Improvement, allowing you to run up walls and over water. You still go into the water if you end your turn there though, so swimming’s still an option.

18. Monk 10: Your Purity of (beach) Body makes you immune to disease and poison. It’s a shame you couldn’t extend this to master, it might’ve helped.

19. Monk 11: Your Tranquility makes you much harder to hit, giving you the effect of a Sanctuary spell after each long rest that lasts until your next long rest, or until you attack or cast a spell on an enemy. Creatures attacking you must make a wisdom save against your monk DC (8 + wisdom modifier + proficiency) or redirect the attack.

20. Monk 12: You get one last ASI for you capstone, so grab the Piercer feat. This rounds out your Dexterity, and once per turn you can re-roll a die of piercing damage. Also, when you score a critical hit, you can add an extra die to the damage. It’s not particularly useful, but it’s better than leaving one completely useless skill point lying around.

Pros:

If your enemies want to hit you, they’ll have to get past 20 AC, your parasol, probably a dodge, your evasion, your luck, and your tranquility. That is to say, you’re pretty hard to hit.

With maxed out wisdom and the ability to shove advantage on your attacks, your stunning strikes can be a serious issue for your enemies. Who needs a boss fight when you can just slap an immobile target for a bit?

You come pre-packaged with plenty of self-healing. Hitting you in the first place is annoying, but hitting you enough to make up for your heals is demoralizing.

Cons:

You don’t have a lot of HP, meaning someone who can reliably break through your defenses might make short work of you.

Playing to character means you only have your fists, your feet, and your umbrella. You might have noticed none of those are ranged attacks. Javelins and bows are always an option, of course, but playing strictly to character will be a problem.

Most of you levels are monk, which means you don’t get many attacks to use with your Fighting Spirit. It’s almost like we took the subclass purely to make you super elegant, and everything else was a side effect or something.

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

Tw: mention of suicidal thoughts

Do you have any tips on how to get through the stress of the beginning of school for people who suffer with chronic issues? This is my last first week of school and i can't handle it. I suffer with intense depression and anxiety, and even though I'm medicated I'm finding myself drifting further and further to my metaphorical edge. I don't know why school is triggering it so badly but i feel like I cannot physically survive school if it keeps going on like this. It's hard to wake up in the morning and all I can see is the negative opportunities in between classes. I know I can call crisis lines, but I'm like this constantly and no one can even fix it. One doctor even suggested this would just be my life now, even as this has been my life for several years.

hi anon, i'm really sorry to hear you're struggling so much. i was in a super similar situation my last year of high school (i was diagnosed with depression at 12 years old, and while i've been medicated and recognize i'm a lot better on my meds than i am off of them, i still struggle with it pretty bad), so i know just how difficult it is to push through, and i'm very proud of you for reaching out.

i wanna start off by saying: there's absolutely no shame in dropping out or taking a bit longer to graduate if you decide it's just too much right now. while i was able to push my way through my last year, i recognize that the main reason i did so was because i felt i had no other choice: my parents told me repeatedly that they wouldn't accept anything else. if you are able to, taking some time off of school until you feel more stable is always an option.

if you don't want to take a break or are unable to, i do have some tips for you - but i'm gonna break them up to make it easier to read.

talk to your teachers. there is absolutely no need to tell them everything, or even go into details - but, a lot of the time, when you tell a teacher you're struggling and need a bit more time on an assignment or a bit of help, they're glad to do so. some teachers won't be as nice, but most teachers (in my experience) genuinely don't want their students to fail. its absolutely terrifying to go to a teacher and say you're doing bad mentally, but i think - especially considering the pandemic - a lot of teachers will be understanding.

keep some headphones on you. if you find you tend to work better while listening to your own music, or that you get overwhelmed during passing time (or any other time that class might get loud), you can keep some earbuds on you so you can plug them in during these times. if you need them during class, i recommend talking to your teacher first; most teachers don't like seeing headphones while they're teaching, but in my experience, they don't mind as much if you're getting time to work on something.

if you find you simply can't stand how crowded the halls are during passing time, try to hang back for a little bit to see if the hallways clear at all. this isn't an option if your school is large and your classes are on complete opposite sides of the school, but it is something to keep in mind! if you have too much school to cover inbetween classes, however, i recommend getting your speedwalk down and figuring out routes to your classes that might be less crowded.

some days, all you can do is just... show up. and that's okay! i had days where i showed up to class, copied whatever was put on the board, and that was about it. i still managed to graduate on time, because i was able to look back at notes whenever i needed them. on those days, i didn't really force myself to work on homework unless it was a super important project; i kinda just.. went home and checked out. sometimes it's better to give you time to recharge rather than doing every single piece of homework every day.

try to limit classes to just the things you need in order to graduate, or things you enjoy doing. my senior year, i had about 4-5 classes each semester out of 8 blocks. everything i took that year was required in order to graduate, or things i genuinely enjoyed doing. the ability to not overload my class schedule was extremely important for me; i had several free periods where i could do homework, catch up on lost sleep, or spend time in the art room to get some extra work in on my projects there. while having a full class schedule might look good to your teachers or school, its important to do only what you can handle. however, i know this isn't necessarily reasonable for everyone; i had packed my schedule full of classes in my first 3 years of high school, so i only had a few prerequisites left to take, while some of my friends had less wiggle room.

i know this is a lot, but i wanted to make sure i gave you a lot of things to help you get through the day. i really hope i was able to help at all, and i wish you the best of luck, anon. 💗

- mod berry

[destiellifemark]

FAQs

What is this thing?

Choose the tropiest, cheesiest, most horrible Lifetime-esque made-for-TV-movie and make it Destiel. It doesn’t have to be related to any holiday, or a Lifetime movie, but it does have to be a “holiday” or winter-themed direct-to-TV/streaming movie. Feel free to tweak the tone or plot details, just make sure the premise is the same.

Here is our original introduction post for a quick overview.

So it doesn’t have to be about Christmas?

Your fic does not have to be Christmas themed: you can take any movie, even if it’s originally about Christmas, and make your fic secular winter, New Years, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Yule, or solstice themed. Or any winter holiday or event beyond that.

May I sign up as both author and artist? 

Absolutely! And yes, you may totes illustrate your own fic!

What am I expected to produce?

Authors: at least a 3,000-word original work.

Artists: at least one piece of work.

What’s the schedule for this thing?

Sign-ups: Sep 1-30

Check-in: Nov 13

Final draft due: Nov 27

Promos to follow

Open posting: Dec 21-24

Do authors and artists have to work together if they chose the same movie?

Nope! This is an open challenge, so you’re not required to work with a partner, nor will we be assigning you partners. It is up to the author and the artist to decide if they wish to collaborate. We do ask that you let the mods know if you’re collabing, though!

Is there a Discord chat? 

Yes! We have a Discord Chat that will grow along with the challenge. Once you’re registered, you will receive an email with confirmation of registration as well as a link to the chat, so come on and join us there to yell about writing, arting, and all the struggles therein! If you are unfamiliar with Discord and/or need help signing up or using the chat rooms, please contact the mods and we’ll support you.

How can I get to know participating artists/authors better to find someone who wants to collaborate? 

You can also come and join us on Discord! Your welcome email will include a Discord link. 

What is open posting? 

Unlike traditional Bangs, participants will not be assigned a specific date on which you must post. Instead, there will be a window of two weeks during which you may post your creation. You are not bound to a specific date so long as you post any time during the posting window. Please note that you may not serialize your fic during the open-posting time; while you can choose your own posting date, you must upload the fic/art in its entirety in the interest of keeping it fair for all participants.

What happens if I can’t post within the posting period? 

Since this is open posting, we are open to negotiation! Please get in touch with the mods, we’re here to work something out with you!

Do I have to be an LJ/Tumblr/Pillowfort/Discord/AO3/DW/Wattpad member to do the challenge? 

Anyone registered will be able to make claims and you’re free to post your work wherever you want to. We do ask that you cross-post to our AO3 collection, so that we can make sure it’s easily accessible to everyone. This goes for both fic and art, particularly with how unstable Tumblr hosting has been lately. If you do not have an AO3 account and would like an invite, email us, the mods have a few to spare.

Do I need to use a beta reader? 

Although we strongly encourage the use of a beta reader (seriously, even the best of authors need them and they can be of tremendous value!), it is not required. If you need help finding a beta, we can facilitate that, so get in touch with us by email or on Discord.

How will fic promotion work? How will banner creation work? 

Promos are going to be one of two ways: either you can create your own banner and promo and send it to destiellifemark@gmail.com OR you can ask us to do it for you. More information about what’s needed for promos will come later. 

Are there consequences if I sign up but fail to post? 

Not right at this moment, but if you violate the rules of the Discord server, harass other participants, kink shame, ship shame, or otherwise act like an asshole, you will be permanently banned from participating in the Destiel LifeMark Bangs.

My favorite movie got claimed by someone else! What can I do? 

If you are an artist and a writer has chosen the same movie as you, or vice-versa, you could approach them to see if they’d be interested in collaborating! Otherwise, you are free to do your own thing. Duplicates are allowed during the same year. But the next year, that movie can’t be claimed!

Where did this idea come from? 

We were chatting in the ProfoundBond server one night and Pingnova says “Destiel bang specifically for hallmark/lifetime Christmas films. so awful and cheesy but now gay and Dean and Cas so I can stomach them.” Wargurl was like, yes this is brilliant, and off we went.

I blame all of this on you, Ping. 

Questions or Concerns? 

Email us at destiellifemark@google.com or ping the Mod role in Discord for help!

[eisiramdeus]

FOR  WEEKS  ON  END  THE  MC  HAD  BEEN  PLAGUED with  pointed  fingers  and unneeded  retribution –  they’d  had  their  own  fill  of BODY  BAGS  in  and  out  of  the  club  house,  had  SHED  more  blood  than their  President  could  remember. But  that  of INNOCENTS  had  never  been  his  wont  –  not  for  a  millennia, and  that  hadn’t  changed  with  this  new  age.  Yet  it  was  EASY  to  place  blame  upon  the  rugged  outsiders,  who  lived  on  the  EDGE  of  society  and  dabbled  in  the  dark  dealings  of  VIOLENCE.  Modi was  many  things,  but  he  had  never  been  a  LIAR.  Especially  when  it  came  to  honing RESPONSIBILITY  for  his  antics, for  the  lives  lost  beneath  his  watch.  And  these random,  bloodless  murders  ??  They  WEREN’T  his  doing  –  and  there  was  only  one  man  he  TRUSTED  enough  to  call,  so  the  problem could  be  dealt  with.

Though  he  APPEARED  alone,  there  were  several  pairs  of  claws that  lingered  within  the  darkness,  ready  to  strike  should  their  LORD  come  into  any  trouble  on  his  travels.  He HUNG  BACK as  the  presence  of  the  sheriff  lingered  within  the  home  –  since  he  was already  being  blamed,  it  wouldn’t  be  WISE  to  linger  in  the  company  of  those  who  wished  to  lock  him  up  AGAIN,  now  would  it  ??  But  DEFIANCE  had  ever  been  embedded into  his  psyche  as  the  Fury,  and  he  purposely  crosses  paths  with  the  very  man  in  QUESTION  as  he  saunters  up  the  driveway  –  eye  contact  made  and  lasting  until  Modi  disappears  into  the  THRESHOLD  of  the  home.  A  sigh  rattles  through  the bone - cage  of  his  chest  at  the  sight,  roach  of  his  own  JOINT  tossed  out  through  the  broken  glass

❝  Then  ya  better  tell  me –  but  i’ve  got  my  OWN  ideas,  ❞  there  were  few  creatures  that  would  leave  their  prey  DRY  and  parched  as  this  (  and  he  and  his  own  were  hardly  among  them  ).  ❝  Think  these  little  shits’re  gettin’  BOLD,  and  the  boundaries  of MY  TERRITORY  clearly  aren’t  being  respected  anymore, ❞  that  in  and  of  ITSELF  was reason  alone  for  confrontation.  But  the  added  INSULT  of  blame  being  placed  upon  his  MC  was  ENOUGH  to  ignite  the  smoldering  flame  of  agitation within  his  core.  Icy,  celeste  hues  flicker  from  the  body,  toward  Alexander.  And  he  ALLOWS  a  subtle  simper  to  TUG  at  the  edges  of  his  lips,  ❝  been  better –  can’t  escape  the  throes  of  BATTLE no  matter how  hard  I  try, ❞  time  had  changed  NOTHING  ( but  that  had  always  been  his  wyrd,  hadn’t  it  ??  blood  and  battle  were  all  he  would  ever  know  ).  The  offered  hand  is  TAKEN  and  clasped  against  his  own,  and  he  makes no  attempt  to  conceal  his  claws.  ❝  Thanks  for  COMIN’,  can’t  bring  my  whole  crew  into  this.  But  CLEARLY  it  needs  to  be  dealt  with.  How’ve  YOU  been  ??  ❞

✯ DON’T GET HIM WRONG NOW, THIS IS FAR FROM A     BLOODLESS MURDER. LOTS OF BLOOD, ACTUALLY,     CAN SENSE THE TRACE AMOUNTS OF IRON ON HIS     CLOTHES, SKIN, CARPET, WALS [...] IT IS JUST A     VERY THOROUGH CLEAN UP JOB. THOUGH NOT     THOROUGH ENOUGH. Something about being too     professional in the way you clean. LETS THEM KNOW     WHO YOU ARE. EVERY MASTER WITH AN AMATEUR     AT HEART. REMEMBER TO MISS EVERY NOW AND THEN     LEST THEY THINK EVERY SHOT WITH CERTAINTY IS     FROM THE BARREL OF YOUR GUN. Surely, I killed the man     in nineteen sixty three. MUST HAVE BEEN ME.

If nothing else, Modi, happy to be the one and only man for the job. Always am. That is unfortunate. ❝IT’S MY TERRITORY already now, is it? Dallas n’ Forth Worth can only seat so many Kings these days.❞ A jesting remark as they shake, hand to hand, claw to... whatever is gracefully analogous. Lion’s fangs? Eagle’s talons? I am unsure. Don’t mind it, there are more pressing implications—FOR ONE, the ease at which they do this. No effort to conceal his claws, even in the presence of other people, the sheriff, for one, who moves aside and gathers his thoughts amongst his crew, who will inevitably hit their heads on an infinite series of dead ends trying to untie this one. Nothing leaves a man so high and dry like a vampiress. Poor bastard probably thought he would score, too; invited her in through the front door. Now that is unfortunate. Yet your secret and your claws are safe with me, and amongst us, these hands fit for a king, at ease. The cigar blows out the draft in the window, he cuts into the citizen’s trashcan, a little crude for the scene but surely, he’s got work to do now. Time to stash the toys away  back into his shirt’s front pocket and perform God’s work with his hands. FOR WHEN THEY ARE IDLE, THE DEVIL FINDS WORK FOR THEM. In this case, though, it seems Modi found work for them.

❝Yeah, I hear ya. Not the kind a’ MURDER ya solve with a whole crew anyways. The, uh—❞ he points to the shattered window with his eyes, a slight tilt of the eyebrow toward it. ❝MISSUS out the window 'ere? Not a fan of crowds. But fer two gentlemen with a lot o’ meat on their bones an’ full o’ blood in... well, also their meat? Sure she’ll make the exception. Three’s the lucky number, am I right?❞ EMPUSAS, vile vampiresses, shape-shifting beasts and seducers of men ( too close to home? ) made her first move tonight. That we know of. At least the one that’s been brought to Modi’s attention, and thus, to Alexander’s attention. In any case, this is your end, madame. ❝The irony of it all, though, Mod? The missus is a vampiress. Ten to one it’s one o’ Hekate’s. It’s just that season o’ year they come out o’ hell like this. But I don’t think she even knows yer name; really just looking for her fifteen minutes o’ fun every October. Puttin’ the blame on yer pack o’ boys? That’s just what the folk want to see. Good news is, ain’t no frame job ‘gainst ya. Bad news is, this ain’t the last you’ll get the blame thrown ‘round, buddy.❞ A CHUCKLE AND A FIRM PAT on Modi’s shoulders, lighthearted grin, shaking his head. You’ll live. Sucks to be the center of the wrong kind of attention, though? Deep breath, detective hat’s off, case solved, exterminator’s hat on. The cooler part of the job. Identifying the nature of the beast to the trained, old private eye was the easy part. Now it is fun.

❝Wait on me awhile, will ya? Just gotta... wrap this up with the ol’ sheriff an’ the whole county, else they’re gonna be at it all damn night an’ start graspin’ at every straw.❞ IT’S ALMOST CHILDISHLY CUTE, like a father watches his son fail to ride a bike. If you know, you know, if you don’t, you scrape your knee until you get it right. In this case, you won’t. He leaves Modi’s company for a minute to hit heads with the increasingly desperate Sheriff as he hears the midnight News channel vans already pulling up outside the crime scene. What will he tell them? The vacuum cleaner killer strikes again? Victim, male, 27, claw marks at the carotid, bled dry? In the distant conversation, he seems to yell at the federal agent but that’s hardly Alexander’s problem. A tip of the hat to the men working the midnight shift, and his work here is done. BACK AT MODI’S SIDE, he adjusts his jacket, grin of excitement on his face. This one’s on the house, Modi; been too long since he’s had a hunt that requires a bit of planning rather than just a one-two that punctures the beast’s lungs with his trident. ❝Think ya can point us to the nearest sleazy bar in town? Somewhere a pretty girl might find herself an easy score. That easy score; that’s you, partner.❞ That’s his plan. Draw her out. Let the vampiress lead you someplace only we know, eye to eye, cheek to cheek, one thing leads to another and then [...] just kidding. Just bait the demoness out to the nearest dark corner of the world and remove the nuisance. But St. Alexander cannot wait to see his reaction to the plan. ❝Has to be ya. She’d know my face if she saw it. Real shame, right, bein’ the revered monarch? Otherwise I’d totally do it. Sure you’ll do mighty fine, Mod.❞

[imagine-your-kh]

✬ I’m Back ! ✬

Oh gosh, it took way more time than what I expected, I’m sorry.

Okay, I have a few things to say, so let’s dive in... !

It will be open this Sunday ! Please check the Rules before sending any !

I will try to use a countdown that will be linked in the post to show how much time is left... ! This will be a test to see how it goes, you’re free to tell me if you like this idea or not... !

I will try a few things, slowly, so if it doesn’t please you, don’t be scared to speak out... !

Like I said before, I will try a countdown system for the MatchUp when it’s open. For now I’m hesitating between 24 hours of open MatchUp or more; we’ll see Sunday. I don’t know if it will stay or not, if I won’t need to close the MatchUp before the end of the countdown or something, depending how the test goes... !

I will try a few things for the design of the blog : changing the Pages of the Global HC (relationship and nsfw), some pictures, the divider, ... I want changes. So don’t be surprise if you notice a few things here and there in the following month(s) ! Again, don’t be scared to give your opinion.

I remembered there was a Chrome extension to change the y/n by your name. I always tried to avoid these ‘code’ because it break the flow of the text to me, but are you interested by more “y/n” to play with Chrome’s add-ons ? I wanted to try the html code to make it possible on my blog (without add-on), but it’s annoying to me to add it in my post everytime and breaking the formatting (that the new design of Tumblr make me upset already). If you know a Firefox version of it, please tell me... !

Long story short : I got little problem after little problem after my huge surgery in August. Next week there will be the (normally) last fix...

On the top of that, we learned that my mother has leukemia. She’s actually on the hospital. She got better and better now, but there were some bad time.

Now if you want the long story, it’s under the cut

It ended that she was waking up late, came in the sofa waiting for the energy to kick in and... It didn’t. She was sleeping all day long in the sofa or in her bed. 

My father and I insisted for her to see a doctor, but she hates it, tries to avoid medicines, and she had a very very strong contradictory mind.

She did, the doctor taking blood.

Leukemia.

Since then, she’s at the hospital.

My father and I were left alone in the house and let me tell you a few (shameful) things :

- My mom was taking care of the house mostly on her own. I was helping her here and there, but not much because she wasn’t pleased how I was doing it, the result, “I can do it” or as kindness to give me peace. With the fact she has a very strong contradictory mind, she also become very aggressive when we insist. I grew up with her, my fear of conflict probably came from this, but in any case I never insisted because I didn’t wanted to fight for something so trivial and using energy for a fight I would never win in the end. So what happened when my mom goes to the hospital? I became the housewife. In a house that isn’t organized in my way (fun fact : it’s organized “where I found place” word my mother) and that I can’t reorganized like I want because my mother will come back, of course. But there weren’t just about that, she was also taking care of the papers. The food. The first weeks my father and I were just running everywhere to know where the papers were, what we needed to take care of (my mother knew when she needed to sent papers and wasn’t telling to us so we got a few surprises for example) and the freaking food. I’m ashamed that we ended to throw food away because we were trying to cook what we had, but a few elements were supposed to make a (complicated for us) meal or that we thought we were out of and it wasn’t. This running in circle for weeks was stressful and I ended to do the most. And guess what? I ended at the hospital because I had pushed my limits and got a infection on the result of my surgery. At that time, I had a few request in Queue but I just hadn’t time to write one to add in the Queue. It was stressful to see the number approaching zero but I couldn’t write. When I finally got time in the end of the day I wanted to relax.

- My mother was the mediator between my father and I. Left alone in a stressful situation where I was thinking “I can do it, I can try, let me do it, I’m right” and where he was thinking “you can’t do it, don’t try because you’ll fail, I’m right” it was inevitable that at some point we ended to scream at each other. My father is really affected by my mother’s situation. I had more than one depression in my life. I couldn’t have one right now. I became the support of my father, reassuring him, trying to stay positive, I couldn’t have a depression. I just couldn’t. It’s hard to fight ourselves and supporting someone else at the same time. I could have tried to see the “psychologist” of the hospital, but I have the bad habit to keep everything inside.

-Next to all of this, I was trying to resurrect my Discord Server. I’m not a leader, I try to make everyone happy even if I know it’s impossible, I still tried. Trying to please everyone displease everyone and I was open to make just a little change, not enough. We were something like 30 persons on it, a “fight” happened before between me and the Mods (long story that could be resumed as : lack of communication and I panicked), I asked who wanted to join the Mods to be sure that they were motivated, I reworked the Server.. I won’t enter in the detail of what it was because I don’t want to enter again in the debate, but a few people weren’t happy about a situation. I tried to mediate but the persons wanted just it to be gone from their view so left the Server, and I didn’t wanted to get rid of it because I wasn’t seeing the wrong of it. In the end of the journey, it was 1a.m in my timezone when a friend that was on the Server and left because of it wanted to talk about it with me and it ended in a fight because their anger grew more and more that I wasn’t understanding how wrong it was (supposed to be). When they started to use capital, very upset, it clicked in my mind that this situation was stressful, making me sick and anxious... For a Sever that was already dying. And I couldn’t afford at that time with my mother to have a drop of mood. So I chose my IRL life and abandoned the Server in a rush, something that was in my mind since the first “fight”. It took me a full month to lose all the habits I got from a year to be on the Server. I miss to see all the OCs, all the news and ideas of my friends and people. I miss to not just drop a fanart in it, knowing it will please people without having to come in private and be scared to bother. I don’t miss to be glued on my phone every minute to be sure that nothing wrong was happening on the Server and be on charge. Be a leader isn’t for me.

I just couldn’t bring myself to write for the blog. When I had time, I just wanted to relax and doing nothing. For a long time I didn’t even draw. I love seeing your reactions, reading your ideas, interacting with you, but English isn’t my first language. I’m learning with this blog. I check less and less my translator, but this is still more difficult for me to write a request than what @lucky0stars​ can do. I’m also a procrastinator, I never was so productive before, but it’s because I’m “forcing” myself to focus. When everything is alright, I still end sometime to slap myself because “dude, you need to write your request. Do at least one”. So you can imagine that in the situation where I’m right now... It just blocked.

So I announced the break, without knowing when it will be done.

A few things happened (like my mother who had a few weeks in an artificial coma) that you don’t need to know, but it seem to calm down. I’m slowly coming back.

I’m here now.

[campfireescapist]

Escapism in video games I play

Animal Crossing: When people think about video games and Escapism, Animal Crossing is probably the first thing to cross your mind. The same obviously goes for me, which is why it’s at the very top of the list, even when these aren’t really in a specific order. The first time I played Animal Crossing I was in first grade playing on the gamecube. My avatar I named after a friend and had accidently made it a boy, but I loved it regardless. When I was little there wasn’t a time I wasn’t playing the game or talking to the villagers. It was something that seemed natural, at times I still remember laying on my cousins large bed (she lived with us at the time) and playing while the sun illuminated the screen through the blinds. I can only look back on those times fondly, and honestly miss the carefreeness of my childhood where as I grew and my insomnia grew worse I could play until well past three in the morning. Tom Nook kept me busy, Rolf even with his gruffness never failed to make me smile, and K.K’s songs where something I watched with a floaty an oddly melancholy feeling, likely because I knew eventually the song would end and I’d have to wait another week to see that white dog again. In the real world I still scoff at the thought of community because it always seemed like everyone at school or just people in general promised their affection and support but were incredibly quick to contradict that promise, it always felt like the saying, guilty before proven innocent, and when playing Animal Crossing I didn’t feel that. Sure at times the villagers were grumpy but I never took it to heart. My gameplay always seemed to be few and far inbetween, but there was never a moment I didn’t feel absolutely despair when the villagers cried about how long I’ve been gone. It only made sense because it's hard for me to recall pure moments of happiness in my life but can recall many many times I’ve smiled widely hearing the nonsense gibberish of the villagers and asking them how their day went. Lately I’ve engrossed myself in trying to complete the fossils in the museum, a slightly tedious task but it was a task nonetheless that I know I needed with my real life constantly pummeling with a lack of purpose. The collecting, fishing, catching, and payments were all little accomplishments in themselves and they continue to be, and I hear often it’s those things that bring those with depression to the game because taking care of their village is something they actually want to do. It’s an effort in its own right and a commitment that doesn’t feel like a chore. Commitment is often a struggle on my behalf, and at times as I grew older when my life was hectic and I tried to play, that feeling of tediousness did nag me but I’ve heard before with Animal Crossing, the experience is highly affected by your mood. With the new Animal Crossing coming out, I know I’ll be playing on days when the world is too much or when my mind needs to fixate on something. The game has always been exceptionally good at being something you can play not just with your full attention, but also when you simply need something to zone out to. It’s made easy with the soft tones and minute details that make your town not just a place but a home. A home that you recount in your dreams, a home that makes you feel homesick when you’re not playing. Animal Crossing gives you an experience, an experience they were actually first to give in all of gaming. They let you build a life, a better life then you have, or just a life you wished you could live without overwhelming responsibility and harmful people. It gives you a second chance when no one else does making it the perfect and ideal game to escape to.

Minecraft: To be able to escape I believe, at least from my own experience, one must have a strong or vivid imagination. A game about building is and was something of a creative release. I play minecraft more than any other game I think I’ve ever played, not only because I could be mindless but I could begin a narrative in my head, acting it out with my character. Something I need to do often as my head always seems to need a constant stream of something, and building a life and home where I’d need not only to gather materials but fight monsters. It becomes an expected but still surprising world, where there's really no end. You can walk a thousand miles and still be finding new shapes and structures that leave you with a sense of wonderment. It’s a game that offers two different ways of playing making it ideal for whatever mood you’re in, peaceful or hardcore. There’s never a bad time to play, and there’s never a way you’re doing it wrong. The main reason minecraft calls to me though, is it’s multiplayer option and the mods. I started playing Minecraft because I first saw many people on youtube playing and I wanted those experiences for myself. I’d ended up downloading that multiplayer for minecraft app and played with so many people, one person who I’m still in contact (even when we shouldn’t but that’s a different story) but the memories where always fond. Nowadays I still play survival mode with my friend back home. I’ve just moved away and my best friend is now states away and we’ve been using Minecraft as a way to bond, and I’m grateful we did because even if I’m just looking at her avatar it still feels like we’re together. When it comes to mods, we both value the new experience and immerse ourselves further into the world we get to make together. The same feeling is also accomplished on single player. But regardless of mods or how many people are playing, Minecraft is an immersive fulfilling experience that only gets dry when you run out of creativity, or used just a little too much for the time being. It’s a game for everyone that is hard not to come back too.

Animal Jam: This is an online game I discovered on a lonely summer, with Club Penguin there was a hole of online games for people to talk with and do missions gone. Animal Jam made up for that with features and experiences that Club Penguin itself lacked. You can be a number of animals with customizable patterns, it also has a lot to offer even without a membership. You can make art and hang it in your home, add friends and talk freely. (It’s still a kids website, but currently they have a new game called Feral coming out for older audiences so you can have more adult conversations on there.) Seasonal tasks appear and role playing with other members is a common occurrence. If you want a free roam game where you can be yourself in a friendly world, that’s sponsored by Animal Planet. A special thing about this website/game though, what also makes it an easy escape is the learning features. There’s videos and facts about animals everywhere, even a live camera in the ocean you can watch! Maybe it’s just me but watching cute little geckos and fish swim are a pretty good distraction while filling your brain!

Pokemon: Pokemon is a game about bonding and trusting the bonds you make along your journey. Unlike the games I’ve listed before, Pokemon is not only a free roaming game but also Story oriented. It’s a clear path to follow that’s enthralling, everytime I play I normally beat the game in exactly twenty four hours. The characters are so finely written that you grow attached easily, as if they were real, they become your friends the same way your pokemon do. On the top of my head I can say my teams from each game I’ve played. You grow and bond, you get concerned when your pokemon takes a hit. It’s a world you wish was real with it’s magical creatures making life easier. In the real world we have pets, but in Pokemon you have a creature who will fight for you, play with you, they look to you and promise you they will hold on, will hold back tears to make you happy. I think getting to love something that grows to love you back pulls at your heart strings and makes the experience more personal than you expect. Even when the stories are over, there’s something extra, always something to do, and it’s hard to put down. It’s a journey that never ends in a world so well thought out, you know it’s home by the end of the game.

Poptropica: Another story oriented game that strays from others by being purely straight forward. You have to follow along, you have to figure out what comes next to further the story along or no progress will be made. I’ve heard and experienced, some people take longer, or have a little trouble getting into a mindset that they can flow too. Poptropica very quickly sets the tone by starting the story and urging you along, urging you to explore to find the next step, and if not the game lets you stew by basically pausing all action. The islands vary in difficulties, meaning you can choose something easy or hard depending on how long you want to be at what you’re doing, and there's multiple islands, meaning multiple stories you can find yourself living. You’ve probably played this game before and hold it in fond memories. Coming back to it may also be a welcome blast to the past, that can lead you down to hopefully good memories you can lose yourself too.

ABZU: One of the most colorful and beautiful games to ever exist. This game is story oriented and still a free roaming game, with a unique twist. Besides the stunning music, the games otherwise silent, wordless. There’s a concoction of colors and animals to swim with that paint an underwater world that puts the outerworld to shame. It’s serene and peaceful, constantly leaving you with a sense of curiosity and suspense for what’s to come next. Describing how much of an outlet this game is, is actually quite baffling, you can just as easily watch the game and feel positively blessed, but there’s no better feeling than maneuvering your character through the water and perching on a rock to meditate while flipping through the types of fish surrounding you. The visuals absolutely bewitch you, stealing your attention making it hard to look away.

Games are an amazing escape, and I’m sorry if this list is a little redundant but that’s a given. I’ll add more to the list another time, but feel free to let me know what games you escape to and why!

Also, this is just my own personal experience so it may differ from others, but if it helps or if you agree I’d be happy to talk about it.

[imagine-a-killingharmony]

S/O bursting in to sing ‘All Star’ + V3 Boys

How would the V3 boys react to their s/o bursting into the room with All Star by Smash Mouth playing loudly?

(Edit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_jWHffIx5E

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, cuz’ I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed-!

This entire post? Amazing. Magnificent. I swear to god. Totally, not just memes.

Uh-Huh. This is the face of a truther, a person telling the complete and total truth. I wouldn’t lie to you!

-Mod Shuichi

Kiibo

Kiibo had currently just gotten maintenance so the two of you could finally hang out together! That’s what he expected for the two of you to do anyway, he wasn’t expecting any kind of devious plot.

You said you would come over to his place, and he had been looking at his systems very refreshed with how this exchange had went down...!

Then you came waltzing in, no not waltzing... it was much more than that, you had kicked down the door singing.

“sOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME.”

Kiibo was immensely frightened, he let out a loud gasp-scream before falling from where he was sitting and somehow managing to hit his head by banging against the floor.

That had caused you to scream back at him and rush towards his side, your actions had consequences.

Kiibo laid WASTED ™ for a minute and a half, his final words about how he forgave you... and then how you must teach him that song you went all the effort through to ‘seranade’ to him.

“It’s... my final request...”

“Kiibo you... just banged your head against the floor, you aren’t going to d-“

“My final request.”

“Okay then.”

You sat at your boyfriend’s side a mental note to never do that again, never again.

Well at least for as long as you can remember.

Shuichi Saihara

Shuichi Saihara? Jumpscares literally being the death of him? Why it’s more likely than you first thought!

But not likely enough, he was just reading one of his favorite novels as he waited for you to come back downstairs.

And you did.

“some.... BODY ONCE-!”

A song that he’s sworn come out from Kokichi Ouma’s mouth at least once or twice, yes he was surprised but he looked at you with more of a curious expression than anything...

You had to sing the entire song out in front of him, by the end of it he clapped at you with the most tiny smile, that adorable tiny smile that made people weep. “That was lovely... I got to hear your performance all for myself...”

“... E-Eh? Oh... uh... y-yeah I guess!”

After that day bursting into the room with random acts of music had become more daily.

Ryoma Hoshi

Ryoma has a complete poker face, nothing can or has broken it before unless you count those rare moments that you had gotten him to flash a grin or embarrassed him enough for him to let out at least one flushed reply.

And recently he was becoming more social with everybody else, which was a miracle in your eyes it didn’t matter much to him. Or so he says.

He was just eating breakfast, he hadn’t honestly expected this kind of thing from you, at least not during breakfast.

By ‘this kind of thing’, you know I mean the door bursting down with a simple shove and your voice singing an oddly familiar song from his stay in America.

”S O M E B O D Y ONCE-“

Do you know the best part of all of this? He was stifling a laugh, yes you randomly bursting in to musical dance to introduce yourself had gotten him to stifle a laugh.

Very proud of yourself at the end of it you walked to his side offering a playful smirk.

“Heeeeey~? If singing really weird songs gets you to flash a grin I can do it some more after this.”

He covered his mouth sheepishly looking away for a second or so, before sighing.

“Guess you could, uh... it’d be nice to... hear yer’ singin’ voice again, I guess.

That small declaration had caused your heart to do loops, and you immediately hugged him declaring to the world- about you have the most adorable damn boyfriend EVER.

His nonconsistent stuttering with him asking you to let go at first was absolutely priceless, moments which you wouldn’t trade for the world.

Kaito Momota

Did you underestimate Kaito Momota? Really? Foolish mortal... he loves and supports you, with all his damn heart!

Kaito was just in the middle of studying for some stupid test he already understood- ‘well enough’, so any distraction was perfect.

So when you came in with the promise of snacks, and you truly were just there to kick down the door and sing to him...

He would applaud you throughout it, you fool. You absolute fool.

“That’s the light of my life! You go babe! Yer’ doin’ absolutely damn great, I loooooove yooou!”

“Really yer’ singing is astronomical! Really just stellar! You got this!”

By the first line of dialogue it had become awkward for you, the tables had turned, the ‘no you!’ had been dealt, and you hadn’t even had a reverse card to play at him.

How come you didn’t think this through? How could you just didn’t think this through...?

You naive fool.

You... have never felt this level of pure shame before, Kaito came up to you whistling with a handful full of compliments for your singing-voice, mostly star-themed , before kissing you- straight on the lips.

“You should sing more! Heh, I’m the luckiest guy in the universe to have you walk into my galaxy...”

Damn those space-themed pick-up lines!

Mission failed. We’ll get em’ next time.

Rantaro Amami

He wanted a sandwich, that’s it. You offered sandwiches at your place so he went since he had nothing better to do, and he truly loved hanging around with the light of his life...

...

..

.

He was eating that sandwich when you came in, after breaking down your own door for some ungodly reason. It was a good sandwich.

“sooooOOOMEBOOODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME.”

He dropped the sandwich, an accomplishment for the books was managing to surprise Rantaro Amami.

But really how could anyone not be surprised by that? Even then he kept a rather composed look on his face throughout the song, by the end of it he even clapped.

“... Aha... if... your going to sing for me, can you do it with asking me first?” He pointed at the newly-murdered sandwich which lay forgotten on the floor, it looked like a good sandwich.

“... Oh! Oh sorry, hadn’t even noticed! I’ll try to make sure the next time I sing it doesn’t include sandwich murder.”

“That’s all I ask.”

He smiles at you accepting the apology, he picks himself up to make the two of you lunch! Why... what an interesting day today is.

Gonta Gokuhara

Gonta doesn’t understand why you had called him saying to prepare for you to come into his room with... an oddly Kokichi-esque smile on your face, but Gonta has trusted you! What had he not to trust?

He was currently in front of the door, he left it open so you would have an easy time to walk in, of course.

Although... things got really confusing for Gonta when the door opened with a loud [SMACK] and you began to... say strange words to him?

“SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME-!”

“... S/O? Who told you the world was going to roll you, what does that mean? Gonta’s very confused!”

“E-Eh? Wait what?”

You stopped in your tracks, taking off some oddly fashionable sunglasses off your face for this very occasion. “Gonta I’m singing, I... nobody actually said that to me.”

“Oh! Why... Why are you suddenly singing?”

“...”

“Because...? Um... well, wait let me think of why... uh...”

“... I wanted to be spontaneous? I didn’t think we’d... stop... well... aaah...”

“...”

“Oh! Okay! You can continue, Gonta doesn’t mind.”

...

You... sang the song with a sheepish tone stuttering here and there, sometimes getting quieter as a mouse, how could anyone sing without embarrassment after that interaction after the first line of the song...?

Kokichi Ouma

Never. Ever. Sing this song in front of him, ever again. Take mental note of it, write it down, engrain it into your arm as a damn tattoo.

Just never, ever again.

You had planned to make up for the time he ran into your bedroom, after lock picking it just to sing to you. You had to get a new lock, every damn TIME.

So you had planned your revenge, while a better revenge be forcing him to pay you back for all the locks that he had used, you had planned to sing to HIM for once after breaking his door down.

...

And you did, with a loud smack reverberating across the room he seemed to be sitting in a chair turned away from you, why he didn’t react right away remaining a mystery.

So you kept going. “some...BODY ONCE TOLD ME-“

“The world was gonna roll me... I ain’t the toughest tool in the shed!” A voice other than Kokichi’s greeted you...

Nani?! You felt yourself stop, as Kokichi spun his chair around to greet you a grin wider than you had ever seen before vibrant on his features.

“... You...” You froze in horror.

He held a laptop with many stickers slapped across it right in his grubby little hands, Youtube was opened up and the video was playing in the backround, ‘All Stars’ he had predicted this but... how?! “S/O... you thought we were playing checkers did you?”

“We’re playing a game of chess, or as in just don’t keep a calendar with all your evil plans marked on it babe.”

“N... No...! NOOOO!” You lay defeated, your plan went to waste.

Kokichi’s bubbly laughter and ‘All Star’ in the distance to remind you of your failures.

While that doesn’t... actually sound bad, what was bad is the fact he actually made you pay for the broken lock he owned.

Korekiyo Shinguuji

Korekiyo Shinguuji... finds all parts of humanity from the biggest parts to the smallest parts of culture to be incredible, remarkable infact!

And he’s put a great deal of study into music as well, as most of it can be rekinded to most modern craft nowadays.

While he was putting research into more folklore he had recently discovered, you said you would be: ‘coming by UwU’ while he didn’t understand why you added the UwU something had felt unordinarily shifty.

His suspicions were confirmed when you slammed the door open by shoving into it, earning a shocked gasp from Korekiyo before you actually broke out into musical song.

[You likely know how the first line of the song goes by now, at this point right? You gotta.]

When your finished your surprised to see your boyfriend... well not really, he’s questioning why you broke down the door.

“S/O... had you wanted to sing, did you truly have to do it so unexpectably?”

And more importantly why you sang... ahem, this is completely taken from the wiki: “All Star" a song by American rock band Smash Mouth. It was released on May 4, 1999, as the second single from their album Astro Lounge and it is one of the group's most successful songs, peaking at No. 4 on the Billboard Hot 100.”

Interesting facts of the day! He’s glad you didn’t break down his lock...

...

Yeah, he’s probably the only one who would actually mind if you came running in singing to him. Humanity is an odd yet fascinating thing...

[bilobasblogs]

What I’ve Accomplished and Learned in 2019

My fear of making this post and, in turn, solidifying my entire year’s-worth of lessons has brought a slight feel of malaise into the back of my mind; something I’d think of for a moment then try to forget about because of how exposing and ‘final’ it may feel. It made me feel a bit sick thinking about. Maybe because I felt like.. I had something to live up to? A certain criteria to meet? Maybe so.

All that being said, I’ve somehow, by the grace of God, motivated myself enough to write this in full. As the title implies, this is a (somewhat) cohesive list of what I’ve both accomplished and learned in this last year, 2019. I’m not sure if I will do this every year or not, but eventually I did realize it’s something I have to do for myself, and for my journey of self-evaluation. That's why I gave in. So without further ado, let’s move on to the first on my list. :’)

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

1. Removing myself from a toxic situation: A storytime.

Let me elaborate on that a little, so you’re not so lost.. Anyways! Back in 2017, I struggled a lot with depression and thoughts of self-hatred, even suicide. My home life has never been great, but at that point I had lost all my IRL friends and was alone. To make a long story short, I turned to Instagram as a home for my friendless self. I joined fandoms and posted regularly, but it led to me making friends with very manipulative and toxic people. And it wasn’t healthy. I would talk to them everyday, all the time. Eventually, everything came to a grand finale when my closest friend accused me of hacking/stealing his account that I apparently ‘had the password to’. (I had an old password. It was changed so I could no longer use the old one) He blasted me all over his account with a decent following, calling me names, and getting his friends to DM me messages of physical-appearance shaming. Top it all off with a “Go rot in hell or whateva” message from him, and I basically lost everything I thought I loved. I made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t end up in that situation ever again. I promised to focus on me, myself, and my mental health ONLY, in 2019. And I’d say I accomplished that. I’m proud of myself for that.

I was originally going to put this in the “things I’ve learned” category, but because of how big a deal this was, it had to be delved into a little deeper. And it ends with a big accomplishment; the restoration of my sense of self-worth and ability to appreciate myself. I’d call that a win!

2. Finally getting that new computer I needed.

Okay, not much of an accomplishment.. But I added it on this list because of how long I’ve actually had my previous computer. Probably for more than 5 years, if I’m being honest. It was an old, rusty, 32-bit disaster running Windows 7. The main motivation for me getting a computer was not actually how slow or glitchy it was, but it was because I bought Sonic Adventure 2 on Steam and couldn’t play it on my PC. I was pissed so convinced my parents to help me get a new one. Now I bask in all my Chao World Extended mod glory!

3. Concert tickets get!

Shortly after getting my new computer at the beginning of the year, my favorite artist and songwriter, Marina, returned to the music industry after a 3-4 year hiatus. As soon as a supporting tour was announced, I knew I had to get those damn tickets. It had been too long since the last tour, there was no way I was passing this one up! So after months of begging my dad, he FINALLY ordered them and we attended, not just any concert, but my FIRST live show ever. Forever grateful for that experience... for the most part. Eh, I’ll get back to that story later. On to the next!

4. Not one, but TWO dental surgeries!

Yes, it’s true. I actually got my braces on this year (my teeth were abysmal, to say the least...) and had to get two separate dental surgeries to remove my teeth. One for wisdom teeth, one for my back molars. This was to make room for my teeth separating and straightening out. It was hell. But not because of the recovery process, but because of how anxious I was while I was getting put out for the surgery. They kept trying to get me to fall asleep and I kept on talking! I was actually scared as the world went black, but before I knew it, I was lying in my bed at home in severe pain. Ahh, good times.

5. Self-expression and my venture into deviantART..

I’ve saved this one for last, as I feel it’s the thing that benefited me the most this year. I’ve taken the time to figure out what makes me feel creatively realized as a person. What makes me happy? What makes me feel good after I’m completely finished? I’ve learned that two things check those boxes: Drawing and writing. Even more specifically, songwriting.

I always had known from my earliest years that I wanted to be an artist. I clearly had the passion and was willing to always learn and grow. I never cried over ‘failing’ as a child, I always just wanted to do better. I think that quality pays off for me in the long run, because in January this year, I created my deviantART account. I was in need of something to fulfill me after the loss of my friends, and it seemed that making a DA was the the right thing. It combined social and artistic aspects, which was perfect for me. Now I have a fantastic, small little following on a profile where I just draw fun NiGHTS, Sonic, and Crash Bandicoot doodles. I’m really happy now.

LESSONS I’VE LEARNED:

1. Never let somebody tell me my character, unless I know them extremely well and vice versa. I know myself well enough, and shouldn’t think differently of myself just because somebody else does.

2. Along those same lines, always listen to my gut. Never let a whisper here or a quip there influence me when I have a deep gut feeling about something.

3. An error and a mistake are not the same things. An error is when I fall down, which all humans do because we’re imperfect creatures. A mistake is when I choose not to get up and learn from the error as a lesson. A lesson will also be repeated again and again until it is learned and I decide to pull myself off the ground and continue going.

4. True forgiveness does not mean “I accept what you caused to occur”, it is saying “I accept that it has happened, and I’m letting go of the past I thought I wanted. And I am willing to move and do something with what I learned.”

5. There are two different ways to say sorry. First, is when you say sorry but actually mean “please forget whatever I just did”. The second is genuine and is when you say sorry and mean “I apologize for the wrong that I did, and am willing to learn and move on from it.”

6. I cannot shut myself down in front of people. I can’t shut people out. If I do that, I lose out on a precious time that could be spent with other amazing people. Sometimes it can seem like investing will lead to heartbreak, but it won’t always be like that. I have to invest, but I won’t invest in more than I can afford to lose.

7. Sometimes it’s better to let myself be wrong and learn than to try to be correct and refuse to grow.

Alrighty! That’s all I could think of for this very long, personal post. I know I don’t talk about my personal life too much on social media, so I wanted to make this end-of-year recap for myself so I don’t forget the lessons I’ve learned along my journey. If you got something out of this.. yay! I’ve sorta accomplished my goal! I also understand if this was boring as hell to read. But it’s special to me and I don’t want to forget 2019. David of the future will thank me later.

Anyway.. here’s to an even better and more fantastic 2020! Goodbye 2010s, I forever love you. The majority of my life has happened in the 2010s, and I’ve made so many memories in this decade. From the growth and blooming of the internet and memes, to more real/raw things like personal self-growth. I’ve gained a lot and lost a lot, but in the end I’m thankful for it all. I hope everyone’s holiday season was amazing and I wish you a great upcoming New Years into the next decade! Talk to you next time, loves.

much love, bilobasideya 💜

[fandom-wars-imagine-blog]

To the mod RU who needs something to be inspired >w> about fnaf 2, the toy animatronics reacting to a child in a wheelchair. Do they interact with them the same way as they interact with other kids?

{ Oh, golly!It’s the first FNAF ask I write and I hope I won’t fail you, my amazing and more expert colleague çAç

Btw, this ask is very cute ~

~ Mod Ru ~ }

🐻 TOY FREDDY 🐻

He has never seen a kid like you. You appear very different from all the other children that usually visit his pizzeria. Kids usually jump, run, dance and move like crazy but you don’t do any of these things. You are always seated on that chair, observing the other kids having fun.

Why don’t you want have fun with the others? It’s your birthday and you should be the one to have the funniest fun ever. 

I doubt the animatronics know what “disability” means. They can’t even imagine some human can have motor impairment but they can guess since humans are made of flesh and they are very delicate. Even humans can be “defective” sometimes.

He thinks you just don’t like dancing, he can understand since he’s not programmed to dance and he’s very clumsy and so he decides to keep you company since his job is to entertain his guests.

He tells you some jokes to make you comfortable or if you want to swing. Isn’t boring stay all the time like this, seated on a chair? He’s lazy sometimes but it’s a little too much.

His jokes and his way to speak amuse you and then you explain to him that you actually can’t walk, since you are paralyzed and you have never walked in your life. 

Actually, it’s been a while since you don’t see some new faces because your over-protective parents always keep you locked up at home because they are afraid you can get hurt and so you’re very happy now you can meet all these new people.

Human parents are really weird sometimes, he thinks, and somehow he admires you because despite your hard situation, you keep smiling and laughing like everything is all right and it’s very laudable. He also likes seeing the positive things of life and don’t get too sad when bad things happen and so he does his best to cheer you up and make this day more special possible.

It’s still your birthday and it’s a shame don’t benefit of this moment of freedom and so he accompanies you on the stage and the two of you can sing some songs together. 

Yes, you can still sing, can’t you?

.

🐤 TOY CHICA 🐤

She’s also very surprised of your appearance but not that much. For her you are only a child seated on a chair, nothing special.

She smiles, acting very politely and she serves pizza to you and your friends like she always does. 

Then, when she notices you’re not having fun with your friends and they seem ignoring you since they play all alone and you are still seated on the chair, she’s confused and so she asks why you are not with them.

You explain that you are unable to walk and this wheelchair is like your “legs” but you still have fun seeing the others happy but you have just accepted your condition and you have no reason to be sad anymore.

Are you defective? Can’t somebody repair you? She asks herself why your parents or someone else don’t do something or maybe they can put on you some new legs. She’s used to be repaired when she’s damaged.

With a melancholic smile, you say that you cannot be repaired and you’ll live like a defective human forever. There’s no solution at your problem. 

Somehow, she’s sad for you and she offers you a cupcake, there’s no other way to find our lost happiness than eating a delicious cupcake and you’re agreed with this philosophy since you love cupcakes a lot, too.

.

🐰 TOY BONNIE 🐰

It seems you like a lot the guitarist bunny, he’s the one who plays “happy birthday to you”, and you just find his performance super great. 

He’s very glad you appreciate his music and he’s willing to concede you an encore since you’re such a gentle guest.

By the way, he does not realize your condition and when he asks you to follow him on the stage so the two of you can sing together, he’s very confused by the way you move. You stay on that chair, holding its wheels and it brings you around. It’s pretty weird.

You are the one who explains to him your physical condition since he appears very perplexed, and then he understands you are a normal child but you’re unable to walk and it’s very awful.

Actually, he does not need his legs to play his guitar and so you can still find something that can make you happy. You don’t walk but it’s not very important. There are so many other things you can do like playing a musical instrument, drawing, singing or cooking. Wow, they seem all very funny hobbies!

Thanks to his words, you don’t feel so unlucky anymore and you can still have fun in your life. 

Then, if you really want a pair of legs, you should take two of the animatronics’ legs, they can implant them to you, and so you’ll become a bionic child.

It’s pretty weird and kind of creepy having some animatronics parts implanted on your body but you actually find this thing funny and you already see yourself walking and running through the city with your new robotic legs. That’s amazing!

[dangan-ronpa-imagines]

Could we have all the ways the DR3 kids act at parties?

I wish I can drink

Legally ~ Mod Eri

Kokichi Ouma: Y’all know damn well this man putting some laxative or alcohol in these fruit punch bowls y’know the one’s from the 90′s where you pour it in your cup with a fucking spoon and he will stay sober doing it. He laughs at everyone’s drunken stupor, will record anyone who is dumb enough to trust him in their presence. That one kid where you don’t know where his invite came from except now he’s suggesting trashing the principal’s office and you’re kinda like

A’ight

Shuichi Saihara: The type to desperately find his group of friends as soon as physically possible. Will have a shot here and there, but only because everyone around him seems to be doing it, so fuck it. Only at his worst of nights will he drink excessively, and someone has to put a stop to it right now immediately because he will drink himself to a coma. Does not condone any of Kokichi Ouma’s behavior and will certainly try to stop it. Good luck.

Kaede Akamatsu: Will not drink, and expects that everyone else will do the same… and when they don’t she begs them to drink less. Everyone will find some way to have a conversation with her because she is such a social butterfly, even if she doesn’t mean to be. Understands the fruit punch bowl is spiked, understands that everyone else knows, and then enjoys the rest of the night knowing she doesn’t have school tomorrow. Constantly walking around to find something to do.

Rantaro Amami: He’s like Ramona Flowers except when you do strike up a conversation with him, he accepts it and continues the discussion. Sits at some couch in the middle of the entertainment, popcorn in hand, watching Miu and Angie play beer pong in the name of Atua. Will partake in a shot or two, but other than that, he remains sober throughout the entire party. Will try, and fail, to stop Kokichi in the event that this party becomes too wild. Will invite girls upstairs to do their nails.

Miu Iruma: The LIFE of the party, and she damn well knows it. Miu can outdrink everyone in her class, and considers it her mission to become absolutely shitfaced drunk at the end of the night. If possible, she will find someone to sleep with if they’re so willing. Starts every single game of Truth or Dare, Never Have I Ever, Spin The Bottle, etc… she breaks hearts yet mends them at the same time. She isn’t innocent about any of those group activities either, and particularly singles out people like K1-BO or Gonta.

I dare ya’ to kiss him! Fuck him! I don’t care, just go in the closet!

Tsumugi Shirogane: Has to be the best dressed at this party or else it was a waste of her time. She is one to have no clue about the fruit punch bowl, the spoon brushing against the tip of her red solo cup without a clue in the world as to what its doing to her. Becomes hilariously touchy by the end of the night, and throws away all the shame or embarrassment she ever had. That being said, if she is lucky enough to be at a party where she’s comfortable and in her area, she finds a small group of people and tends to stick with them for the rest of the night. Perhaps they can go upstairs and study, without the music distracting them…

Korekiyo Shinguji: Literally no one invited him but he’s here anyway. Hi, nice to meet you I fucked my sister Remains oddly quiet throughout the ordeal, choosing to only witness the disaster that follows when Miu bares her chest for her classmates to see or when Tenko’s fist meets a guy’s face upon unwanted advances… forms of entertainment, he supposes. He brings up voodoo or some shit like that to some classmate that tagged along for the ride, and somehow only candles are lighting up the house and there’s a seance happening. Everyone’s already drunk, might as well

This is where people like Shuichi or Kaede promptly flee.

Maki Harukawa: No one talk to her or else they face the consequences. Doesn’t want to be here in the first place except Kaito promised it would be fun except… she’s not having fun. Her arms are crossed as she sits in the corner and eyes the punch bowl, and she makes up some stupid joke about what is it called when people wait to have a cup of juice? A punch line and it’s so dumb she wants to actually, physically punch someone for it. She does seem to be more at ease when someone she likes begins a conversation with her, but tries to find any possible way to leave or reach somewhere more quiet.

K1-BO: Would also rather be anywhere else but here, but appreciates the sentiment of having able to study the behavior of his classmates and friends in such a situation. Perhaps, he thinks, he will be able to understand the life of a teenager this way. Partakes in the occasional drink that he cannot understand a buzz to, and hops into an occasional game of Never Have I Ever where… he takes one sip from his beverage. Everyone around him is babbling and cursing and he has to attempt desperately to stay sane in a party where everyone lacks shame or understanding of their behavior in public. Spends the rest of it running away from Miu

Kaito Momota: A man who can outdrink Miu, although he only does it if he has to. He is also a social butterfly, but he will make sure people like Maki are comfortable if need be; he is also a prime player in all drinking games, and refuses to leave the party without having fun. If he decides that parties are not his thing, not a problem; the blur and muffle of different genres behind his ear allow such beautiful stargazing. Those are the days where he can’t help but remain absolutely, positively sober… just so he can enjoy a life dwindling before him.

Himiko Yumeno: QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT RIGHT HERE. People not used to her talent will go batshit crazy for her magic tricks; she would pull a bunny out of her hat in front of a group of people, and no one would notice that obvious trick she pulled because everyone present doesn’t even know how to walk in a straight line. Has her own table of Dungeons and Dragons that nerds and jocks alike flock to, simply because no one seems to want to do anything but drink and see what happens. Everyone wants to be her friend afterward, especially after she just PULLED OUT THEIR CARD WHAT THE FUCK HOW DID SHE KNOW

Angie Yonaga: Angie Yonaga drinks for fun. In the name of Atua, she relies on her entertainment through the strength and will of her God and… plays an insane game of beer pong. Her hands seem to be adept on something other than art, to their surprise, but people are shook when she downs the drink swishing around in her cup like its nothing. Secretly tries to lure people in the realm of Atua and his greatness, and has no problem luring anyone she likes to bed. If Atua allows it, then who is she to deny?

Gonta Gokuhara: This isn’t what he signed up for. Someone promised him bugs… yet, now he feels as if his feet don’t meet the ground. His vision is swaying as the people chatter around him, downing red solo cups and stuffing food in their mouths. Before that, he is a naive gentlemen who attempts to get to know everyone at this party. He actively chooses not to partake in such games; as much as he wants to understand them and play, Miu is clutching at her chest and Angie’s public display of affection is getting a bit too much… so no. When he is drunk, you best believe he’s crashing at this place because there is no way he can last long in the wild with his consciousness not fully there.

Tenko Chabashira: Will make a party 100% more interesting if she sees a guy and they decide to get too close to her. Not only is it entertaining to everyone around her to see someone get beat up, but to see some guy get got? That’s why you go to parties, kiddies. Other than that, she will follow Himiko around and assist her on her magical tricks, even resting her chin on her shoulder as her best friend succeeds in her position as Dungeon Master I watched Stranger Things I got this Doesn’t drink that often unless there is only girls around, as she doesn’t trust men enough to let herself go around.

Now whoever spiked that punch bowl…

Kirumi Tojo: Does not understand for the life of her why these kids partake in such acts. However, she swoops down and picks up a beer can, a bottle… throwing it into the garbage. Sighs as she snatches a shot glass from one of her classmates. Her palm meets her face as she watches yet another one of her friends embarrass themselves around a group of people, with not a single care in the world as to what’s going to happen to them. That being said, certain acts of violence are entertaining to her… that brings about a chuckle. If you’re lucky enough to have Kirumi at your party, don’t let her go,,, make her stay long after the party ends

So she can do what you can’t: clean and make sure the school doesn’t hear about this.

Ryoma Hoshi: You forget he’s even there but it’s cool because he killed people and that’s kind of rad. Is a silent drinker, meaning that he prefers not to show off his tendency to stay sober after a certain amount of drinks. Chills in some corner with people like Maki except refuses to make any eye contact or begin any conversation… so then why are you here? Anyway, he must have gotten an invite from a close friend because he watches what goes down and there’s a small grin on his face because his classmates are so damn interesting and pure in their own ways. He wishes that he could get used to something like this.

[heartslogos]

seas who could sing so deep and strong [11]

Judge’s vision blurs around the edges and the hum of the Orbiter is a sound that’s in his bones, his his skull - the sound of space is a solid and tangible presence in his ears.

He forces his eyes to focus in on the screen in front of him. He’s close to something, he knows.

Whispers trail down the back of his neck, ghosts from a time Judge forcibly left behind. He wishes it could leave him.

The ambient sounds of the Orbiter and all the things it must do to keep him alive, to keep him healthy and able, are familiar and routine.

Judge focuses on the bright light of the surveillance footage that he’s been looking over. There are pieces missing here, to finding out what it is that’s got the Corpus so riled up. There’s going to be an auction soon - and the only thing that could get those old men so excited and sanguine is Orokin technology.

The question is - is it a warframe? Is it a tenno?

Is it something worse?

“Judge?” Kore’s voice rasps out. He turns around, neck stiff and looks at Kore.

Midas is curled up with her in her sleeping bag, the snoring Kubrow is lying on his back, paws flung up and soft little puppy snores coming from his mouth. Judge grins a little.

Kore lifts her head up, her short cropped pink hair messed up in a dozen different directions - her normally flat bangs have lifted off her face to reveal the full almost circle of green-blue Void scars.

Her multi-colored eyes are squinted at him, “Did you even sleep? What time is it?”

“Dunno,” Judge says, turning to look in the direction of the navigation panel and the large windows at the controls. Then he realizes that it wouldn’t help much.

The orbiter is in orbit. Time is measured in shadows and rotations.

“Judge, go to sleep,” Kore yawns, a jaw-cracking thing that makes Judge smile, a little regretful that she even woke up.

Kore’d just gotten back from two back-to-back two hour surveillance drops, and then a four hour patrol of Uranus.

She’d boarded his ship, threw down her sleeping bag, and went immediately into it, zipping the thing all the way up to her chin before Midas started to whine and paw and nudge at her head until she let him in. Valencia had trotted in after a few minutes later, dragging another blanket in her powerful jaws, half tossing it down on the floor next to Kore, sitting on it and turning around in a complex series of motions to tuck herself in.

Judge doesn’t remember when the last time he stood up was.

“I’m close to a break through, Kore,” Judge says, “Do you think I could get into this Corpus auction?”

“You’ve got hair,” Kore groans, “There aren’t any Corpus with hair, Judge. They’re hairless rodents.”

“Shit,” Judge presses his thumb to the corner of his lip, “Wait - what if I wore a helmet?”

“You’re brown,” Kore stresses, “The Corpus are so white that fresh snow looks dirty. And you’re too short. Even the withered husks that are the Corpus rich aren’t as scrawny as Tenno are.”

Judge turns around to tease that at least he’s still taller than her but Kore’s eyes are looking directly at him.

His heart abruptly stutters in his chest.

Kore’s eyes are violet and magenta.

That’s not Kore.

That is not Kore -

It smiles at him, winking. “Something wrong, partner?”

Judge gasps, legs lurching - but collapsing immediately underneath him again as he tries to backpedal away. His legs are useless and numb as the thing that’s pretending to be Kore sits up, sliding out of the sleeping bag - smiling -

His heart pounds in his chest and he feels the build up in his hands and arms and chest before he can even think it -

A blast of magenta void energy bursts out of him. Judge skids back on the floor, back hitting against his mod station and the thing that is Kore raises its arms, yelping as it crashes into the corner of his Orbiter behind the Sentinel charging station.

The thing that has Kore’s face crumples and Judge scrambles to stand.

This is a dream. It must be a dream. Isn’t it a dream?

Kore’s eyes were magenta - Kore’s eyes are yellow-green-pink, just like his are magenta-pink-purple. Kore’s eyes are not the color of his Void energy. Kore’s eyes are the colors of spring, Earth made new.

Judge tries to stand but his legs refuse to work. Is this a dream? Is this the result of staying sitting down for so long, or is this something else -

Loud barking and Judge turns - another blast of energy erupts out of him as he holds his hands up to his face.

The hulking body of dream-Valencia crashes into his foundry, tumbling onto the control panel and view-pane.

Another dark figure in the corner of his vision, Judge turns, hands held up and he hears the whispers of the Void growing louder and louder -

He bites his lip but - but does he feel it? In this moment he can’t tell if he’s biting his lip and the room spins as he tries and fails to stand.

The sound of space, the sound of the Orbiter - the dull drone of machines and electricity fills his ears like cotton.

Midas’ yaps sound so far away.

Judge turns, and the thing that was Kore is gone and there is nothing in the sleeping bag and fear and panic rise in him, building and swelling and undulating and -

“Judge!”

He turns and it is the thing that is Kore and it throws something at his face -

He coughs, surprised as he inhales something that feels hot and warm and he blinks, startled, looking into spring eyes, Kore’s face is pale and blanched and she looks so small without her transference suit, so small and bright against the dark interior of his orbiter.

He breathes in, surprised and starts to cough and wheeze. It burns. It’s hot - and -

“Judge, you’re awake,” Kore’s voice, closer. He wipes at his eyes, shoulders heaving - “Judge, you’re awake. It’s me. It’s me. It’s Kore.”

Judge vomits.

Kore’s hand is on his back, then, the back of his neck, pushing his head down as he struggles to breathe.

Midas sounds closer, now and when Judge’s vision clears he’s sitting back against his mod station, knees drawn up to his chest.

The Kubrow pup immediately runs up to him and squeezes into his arms, yapping confusedly. His grippy little paws snag into Judge’s shirt as the puppy plasters himself to Judge’s chest. Judge’s arms go around the pup automatically and he looks at Valencia who’s watching him, wary and crouched low to the ground.

“Kore,” he wheezes, turning to her. Her eyes are right. Those are the right eyes. “What - ?”

“Red flavor,” Kore says, holding up the empty canister.

“Red?”

“You can’t taste in transference,” Kore says, “Because our frames don’t have mouths. And you can’t taste in regular dreams, either.”

She sets the canister down and goes back to her sleeping bag, picking up Valencia’s blanket and she starts to clean up Judge’s sick.

His ears burn with shame and regret. He moves to help her but she shakes her head.

“I - I’m sorry - I “ Judge tries to find the words.

“You couldn’t tell,” She says, nodding, “I know. It’s gotten worse, hasn’t it?”

Judge says nothing.

“Since Harrow,” She says.

Judge closes his eyes, “Midas please stop licking my face, that isn’t for you.”

The puppy whines as Judge pushes the pup’s face away from his.

“I put water next to you,” Kore says, “While you were out of it.”

Judge reaches down blindly, until he feels the familiar not-quite solidity of a water packet. He opens it eagerly.

“It’s Rell,” Judge says, head hitting back against the mod station behind him. “I keep - I just keep thinking about him, Kore.”

Kore doesn’t say anything but he knows she’s listening.

“What if I turn out like that? Kore - what if I knew him? What if I could have saved him?”

“I’m sure you would have tried,” Kore replies.

Judge startles a little when he feels something large and warm brush against him. He opens his eyes and Valencia’s blunt nose is nudging his leg, golden eyes wary but concerned.

“Sorry,” He says, tentatively holding his hand out to her. Valencia nudges his hand softly, then turns around and curls her massive bulk against his side. He slowly leans against her, palm pressed against her large back, feeling her heat through his skin, and the feeling of her breathing.

“Kore, what if we could have helped Rell? Do you - do you remember him? I should remember him. Why didn’t I help?”

“You might not have been there at that moment,” Kore says, tossing the soiled blanket to the side, sitting across the Orbiter from him. “You can’t help that. It’s over, now. He’s dead. And it’s what’s best. We couldn’t have done anything to change that. We were cruel, Judge. We were cruel on that ship. We were children and we didn’t realize we were becoming something else.”

“Not all of us,” Judge protests.

“No,” Kore concedes, “I knew what I was becoming. But I was cruel, Judge. I was untouchable, you said it yourself.”

“I told you, I didn’t mean it like that - “

“Judge, I have always been looking out for myself and only myself,” Kore cuts in, “I don’t remember Rell. I barely remember you. I know what I should have done. I know what would have been morally right. But I also know that I would have done nothing to help him, or to hurt him. And that is cruelty, too.”

“That’s not true,” Judge protests.

Her eyes soften, minutely, “Judge. The only person I try to do things for is you. No one else.”

This is true, Judge mentally concedes. But it does not make Kore a bad person.

“Judge, you’re awake. You aren’t like Rell. You aren’t responsible for what happened to Rell,” Kore continues.

Judge and Kore sit in silence for a while. Judge trying to piece himself together, Kore waiting.

“Let me see your head,” Judge says. Kore doesn’t move, he beckons at her. “I know I hit you hard. I can see the dent I made in the ship.”

“It’s just a bump, Judge,” Kore says, slowly moving over to him, “I got my shield up in time.”

“In front of you, not behind,” Judge says, “Let me see it, Kore.”

Kore obligingly lets him inspect her head, and the back of her shoulders. Bruises, they’re going to be deep and painful, but he can’t see anything else.

“I’m sorry,” Judge repeats, this time to her.

“It’s fine. I’ve had worse.”

“It really isn’t fine,” Judge replies. “Kore - what - what do you dream of?”

Kore’s eyes are deep and bright. He can feel her trying to see if he wants her to lie or not.

“Ballas,” Kore answers, voice soft, “I dream about Ballas. And flowers.”

Judge closes his eyes and Kore drags her sleeping bag over to him, sticking her legs into it as she leans her head against his shoulder.

Judge’s hand finds hers and he feels the hum of her Void energy against his.

He closes his eyes.

The Void whispers.

[zesusowzen]

Part two.

These things are fairly normal when you're learning about autism, and are not shameful. They may, in the long run, lead to self-doubt when you realize you can't tell who you are from all the stuff you're now saying and doing because you want to be sure you're really autistic. This can be a vicious cycle: First you doubt yourself, then you do something autistic-seeming, then you wonder if you were acting, then you doubt yourself, then you act, then you wonder if you were acting, and so forth. This doubt does tend to settle after awhile, and so does the acting. In fact, they often settle at the same time, when you become more comfortable with yourself and with the idea that you are autistic.

Perseverating on autistic traits, as many do immediately after discovering autism, can also temporarily amplify them. If they are negative autistic traits, you might want to find another perseveration. Focusing entirely on a few traits isn't always a great thing to do long-term (and it can also create a sort of "autism hypochondria"), although if done in the context of the rest of you it can be a good route to self-understanding eventually. You are not likely to understand your relation to autism with any degree of completeness until after you have thought about these things for awhile, though. This knowledge requires time to observe and adjust to it. There is no need to rush it.

There can also be a good deal of emotional turmoil when you learn you are autistic, and that can affect you the way most strong emotions do. This may stem from things related to the diagnosis, or even feelings of guilt or shame for perseverating on autism, being autistic, or doing things in order to be more "acceptable" as an autistic person. There can be a lot of fear that you aren't autistic, or that you are autistic. The emotional turmoil can take awhile to pass, but it does seem to pass for most people.

It is likely that as you become more comfortable, you will look more stereotypically autistic in the ways that you are actually autistic, and less stereotypically autistic in the ways that were results of stress or other factors described above. There are many myths about us being passed around. Many of those myths originated from one autistic person overgeneralizing about themself, or outside observers making unwarranted assumptions. It is important to remember that no autistic person on the planet fits every stereotype of autism.

Looking for a lost self

Many autistic people who have pretended to be normal for a long time, who have undergone extensive behavior modification, or have read any of the literature by the many autistics who have done so, might decide that there was a "real self" that stagnated inside of them while all of the acting or behavior mod stuff happened. This might cause people to, in various ways, go looking for that real self.

This may involve trying to remember the way the "real self" behaved, and trying to dig back through time to find out when the "real self" went into hiding. If a person remembers their "real self" as behaving a certain way, for instance stimming on colored Christmas lights, they might start stimming on colored Christmas lights again in an attempt to act like their "real self". But since it is out of context, it often becomes just another act, and things get convoluted.

The following is something I wrote to someone who was dealing with this, that may apply to others as well. I have modified it a bit for increased clarity.

First off, because many autistic people take things literally, a search for a literal "old self" will not work. It leads into a really convoluted and inevitably dead-ending mental maze that is probably best avoided (it's exitable, but it's not exactly fun or useful to spend time in any more than a pretence is). You have changed over time, and any person that you were before you started pretending to be NT has gotten older.

The good thing, though, is that (since it's actually impossible), you've never actually gone away. Most likely, you've spent a lot of energy and most of your thought in dealing with the demands of looking normal. There was a person doing that, even if others influenced your actions — you.

What would probably help in a situation like this is to get away from the demands of that pretence, and to stop the pretence whenever you see it happening. Not beat yourself up about it or something, just decide it's not something you want to be doing. Do something else, instead — something that doesn't require a social facade. Start noticing how you feel. Start paying attention to how you react to things, what you seem to like, and what you seem to dislike. These are signals that, if you're pretending to be someone else, you've probably had a lot of practice at ignoring, so this takes time. Start noticing reactions in your body and stuff. You may not know what they mean at first, but after awhile (sometimes a long while) you should be able to pick out patterns. This can be scary, and none of this is a remotely trivial or easy undertaking, but it can also be worthwhile.

If you have responsibilities that require a facade, this can be harder to do. Make time when you don't have these responsibilities, and schedule a lot of time doing nothing at first. (Autistic people often need that time to even process information, so you may find that doing nothing a good deal of the time helps you think better and rely less on facades.) Or find something repetitive but non-facade-requiring to do, if sitting around isn't your thing. The critical thing there is to do something apart from the responsibilities that require an NT-facade, and start noticing the difference between the facade and the rest of the time.

You'll probably make mistakes, and you'll probably change over time, and you may find all of this scary. You may decide that an idea you had about yourself doesn't work anymore. You could have been mistaken, or you could have changed. Either one of those is pretty standard for being a person.

So it's actually not that you have to look for an old self, and dig into your past to find one -- what you likely need to do is stop moving so fast to keep up a pretence, that you can't see who you are right now. Because one thing that's guaranteed, even if I haven't managed to outline a good method of seeing it (I don't know you), and even if whichever method there is isn't a particularly easy one, is that you're there.

That may not be the exact route to dealing with the sense that you've lost yourself, but the bottom line is still that you have to exist or there would be nobody looking for you.

Loss of alone time or breaks

Some autistic people, especially but not limited to those who try not to look autistic in public, need a lot of time alone in order to do what comes naturally — stimming, talking to themselves, and other such things. A lot of us also need breaks from the overload of being around people or functioning in environments designed for non-autistic people. We need these things the way people need sleep in order to function.

We might lose the opportunity for these breaks for a number of reasons. Some so-called therapies for autism or other things emphasize not allowing people to take breaks, or not allowing people to "isolate" or "withdraw". Sometimes it is a change from a school or work environment in which we can get away with running off to the bathroom frequently, to one in which we cannot. Sometimes it is moving in with a roommate or getting into some other situation that requires more frequent contact with people or other overloading situations.

If a person doesn't get enough sleep, they start falling asleep sitting up. If a person does not get enough breaks, the breaks start trying to happen whether the person is alone or not. As the person gets more overloaded, they may do the things that they would normally only do alone, or they may shut down in ways that give them a "break" without having to physically leave the room. All of these things can lead to a person looking "more autistic".

Natural part of autistic development

For autistic people, it is normal to develop in an order that perplexes anyone who is used to the way non-autistic people develop. It may be that some of the normal patterns of development for autism involve things that look like loss of skills at different stages of life, or fluctuation in abilities of various kinds. This may not require any external or internal agent interfering; it may just be the way things are for some people. Just as non-autistic people go through specific developmental phases, there may be a whole different trajectory for some autistic people, that looks like it goes backwards in spots only in comparison to the non-autistic norm. It is hard to say, though, whether anyone will ever learn either way.

Overprotection

When other people are controlling your life, making all of your decisions for you, and keeping you "safe" from any possible failure, it's possible to either lose or fail to develop skills for doing various things yourself.

I have seen this used as an argument against services for autistic people, the argument being that they coddle us and make us dependent. I do not believe this to be the case — too little help can be a very negative thing as well. The distinction I made when I was applying for services was this: "I want to be helped, but not helped into a corner." What constitutes help and what constitutes being helped into a corner can differ from person to person and change over time, but when help starts to turn into control, that's a warning sign. When a person is never allowed to fail or take risks — both of which can be essential for learning — that is another warning sign.

Violence is a not-uncommon reaction to the frustration of being smothered by the "care" of others, yet it is often labeled regression and summarily dismissed as having no knowable cause.

People Nearby

[Added 13 May, 2005]

Autistic people can be sensitive in various ways to the presence of people:

Becoming more able to do certain things when people are present.

Becoming less able to do certain things when people are present.

Becoming more able to do certain things when certain specific kinds of people are present.

Becoming less able to do certain things when certain specific kinds of people are present.

Changes in the amount or kind of people around can mean changes in abilities. There are some kinds of people where, immediately upon meeting them, I am incapable of using language. There are other kinds of people who seem to make language easier. This is true even if they are strangers.

Physical health

This goes along with basic physical needs. Sick people don't function all that well either, and with a more limited amount of energy, you're going to need to use more autistic-looking strategies for dealing with the world, because you won't have the energy to use more complex strategies. You also may not be able to tolerate as much input before shutdown occurs. I had an untreated gallbladder problem that probably lasted for several years, and in the last month before my surgery (by which point my gallbladder had long since produced two large stones and shut off) I could barely tolerate any stimuli before becoming incapable of communication or responsiveness. Many things that cause physical pain, even if you don't consciously feel the pain, can do this.

If you have any chronic health or chronic pain condition, expect it to have a long-term impact. When you've got less energy available to spend on thinking, perceiving, and reacting, then often the things you're least skilled at are likely to become even more difficult, sometimes spectacularly so.

Religion

This topic has been so thoroughly abused and exploited I am wary of mentioning it. But for the sake of completeness, people who are dealing or grappling intensely with issues of religion, faith, or conversion, whether positive or negative in nature, may show more, fewer, or simply different autistic or autistic-like traits than they had in the past. This is not necessarily a good thing, and it is not necessarily a bad thing. If you need help dealing with these issues and are part of a religious community in which you feel comfortable talking to someone, you may want to talk to that person. You could also talk to your deity, if you believe in one. Be cautious about discussing these issues publicly, as there are unscrupulous or misguided people both inside and outside the autism community, who look harmless or inviting but could play to your ego or attempt to abuse, confuse, or exploit you in the name of religion or spirituality. Likewise, there are many books out there that are little more than compelling garbage.

Self-consciousness

Some people, when they realize they have a trait, become very self-conscious to the point where somehow it enhances the trait in question. Some people may also perseverate on autistic traits, and sometimes focusing on them makes them more pronounced. (In other people, focusing on them and self-consciousness cause them to avoid them, but it can work both ways.)

Self-injury

This, like catatonia, is more a description of a kind of behavior than the cause of behavior, but some people refer to increased self-injury when they talk about looking more autistic.

I think most self-injury is not autism, although it can be related to aspects of being autistic (such as sensory differences), living as an autistic (such as the abuse many of us are subjected to), or things that often go along with being autistic (such as Tourette's syndrome, compulsions like scab-picking or trichotillomania, and tics). Some autistic people also self-injure when they are trying to accomplish a difficult task. Lucy Blackman talks about biting her hand when she wanted to come up with words. Some autistic people also do things that technically are self-injurious but that don't feel self-injurious. You might like the texture in your mouth of biting your skin, but not feel the pain on your skin. Self-injury can be a reaction to stress, or to any of the things that cause self-injury in non-autistic people. There is a myth going around that autistic people who self-injure do it "just because they're autistic", but many autistic people report self-injuring for all the same reasons everyone else does.

[mikemortgage]

Fallout 76 review: Buggier than a wet Saskatchewan summer

Score: 4.0/10  Platform: Xbox One (reviewed), PlayStation 4, Windows PC Developer: Bethesda Game Studios Publisher: Bethesda Softworks Release Date: November 14, 2018 ESRB: M

Fallout 76 is quickly becoming a cautionary tale in how not to make games.

In an attempt to capitalize on the growing popularity of online and cooperative play, Bethesda Game Studios opted to make the latest entry in its long-running and very popular series of post-nuclear apocalypse games an online multiplayer experience. “Fallout with friends” is what people were calling it (including me). This sparked instant hatred among fans who love dedicated single-player games and saw the move to online play as a betrayal. These players were never going to enjoy Fallout 76, no matter how it turned out — an early warning sign that the game was headed for trouble.

But the problem with Fallout 76 isn’t that there are other people in the world with you as you play. Servers limit the number of players in each instance of the game’s huge world — four times that of any previous Fallout — to just 16, and as a result I’ve rarely run across anyone else while playing. When I have stumbled upon someone else they’ve almost always behaved well, by which I mean we simply ignore each other (I’m just as uninterested in Fallout multiplayer as it seems most other players are). Worries that I would be relentlessly attacked by other players, or that they would relentlessly destroy any camps I built have proven for naught. The handful of times I have seen antagonizing players in my world — they’re handily marked on the map with a big red WANTED symbol, meaning that they’ve attacked another player — I’ve simply blocked them so they couldn’t see where I was.

Granted, online play does introduce some issues not present in solo games, such as the inability to play without an Internet connection, to pause the action, or to do nifty things like slow down time during combat. These are bummers, sure, but not deal breakers.

The real problem with Fallout 76 — and one that will prove an absolute deal breaker for many — is that it is buggier at launch than any other game I’ve ever played.

Fallout 76 is shaping up to be Fallout with friends

He said, she said: Pokemon: Let's Go, Pikachu!

Hitman 2 review: When more of the same isn't so bad

I’ve encountered missions that I couldn’t complete because of a key object being glitched. I’ve fallen through the world’s floor into empty space. I’ve had the game freeze and kick me out countless times. I’ve seen all location and objective markers disappear from my map, making it impossible to do anything. The brown bag containing all of my loot where I last died has been rendered invisible, impossible to collect even when I’m right on top of it. Holotapes often won’t play when I pick them up. Recently repaired weapons sometimes become broken again for no reason. My action point meter sometimes remains full even when I’m running or encumbered (at least this last one is a help rather than a hindrance).

I could keep going, but you probably get the picture. Fallout 76 feels like a game months or more away from being ready to launch to the public. It’s not even properly optimized for performance. Hiccups where enemies freeze and then jump a few metres closer or to the left or right are commonplace — this despite looking like a five-year-old game not even close to being on the same graphical level as open-world contemporaries such as Red Dead Redemption 2 and Assassin’s Creed Odyssey.

All of this said, it does feel like Fallout. Don’t let the game’s more hyperbolic detractors convince you otherwise. It’s not like Bethesda’s other online experiment, The Elder Scrolls Online, which feels almost nothing like the single-player Elder Scrolls games. Everything from collecting resources and crafting gear to using and upgrading power armour to jamming around on your Pip-Boy — the series’ iconic wrist-mounted computer — will be instantly recognizable to returning players. Even movement and combat feel pretty much the same as in past games.

What’s more, the artists have maintained the franchise’s always appealing retro-futuristic visual style. And most locations are loaded with discoverable lore that provides further insights into the series’ fascinating alternate history world, in which just a few key collective cultural decisions in the 20th century sent America down a different path than the one we know today. Expect familiar plot threads exploring massive corporate corruption, exploited workers and consumers, and a blind faith in the promise of technology even greater than that which we feel today. Finding and following these stories — presented primarily through computer logs, handwritten notes, and audio recordings — is one of the highlights of the game.

But even this typically robust part of the Fallout experience isn’t as strong as it has been in the past, likely due to Bethesda choosing not to include any human non-player characters in the world. This was done so that if you see another human in the world, you’ll know it’s being controlled by a player. But the upshot is that there are none of the towns, lone survivors, or enclaves that add so much flavour to other Fallout games. It makes for a big, empty, lonely, and almost uniformly hostile world in which virtually everything you run across — supermutants, ghouls, robots, crazed semi-humans known as the scorched — is trying to kill you.

If you’re wondering why there are no humans in West Virginia — an area of the United States spared a direct atomic blast, according to Fallout history — that’s explained as the story progresses. We run across plenty of places where humans lived after the war, and some seemingly emptied of survivors not all that long ago. Finding out what happened to them is a primary part of the tale that unravels as you progress. The forensic investigation is interesting at times, but it’s not as fascinating as the living human-driven stories of other games in the series.

More’s the shame, given this game’s promising milieu. It takes place just 25 years after the war, making it the earliest entry in the Fallout chronology. Plus, the bunker from which players emerge is the famed Vault 76, long known to be the only one of Vault-Tec’s scores of bunkers designed to function as a legitimate nuclear shelter meant to preserve humanity without any hidden psychological experiments performed on its population. There was an opportunity here to grow the Fallout fiction in powerful new ways, but Bethesda’s self-imposed narrative constraints result in too many stalls and false starts.

There is something about Fallout 76 that is keeping me coming back, albeit not nearly as enthusiastically as I’d have hoped. The fresh lore is definitely part of it — like many, I harbour a dark fascination with Fallout’s dystopian universe, and I’m always keen to eat up more of it — but I also enjoy the franchise’s simpler pleasures, such as discovering whatever might be over the next ridge, scrounging for supplies, and crafting new gear and mods. I just like surviving in the wasteland.

I can’t recommend Fallout 76 to more than a handful of people. A niche few will still be drawn to it, perhaps out of curiosity, a completionist’s need to devour all things Fallout, or, like me, a morbid desire to simulate life after the end of the world. For everyone else, hold onto the hope that Bethesda learns a lesson from this failed experiment.

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[wishingfornever]

11/14/17 – No Contact:  Lingering Embers

I’m having a hard time sleeping.  Last night and the night before, I couldn’t sleep.  I was too angry.  A total lapse of how I used to feel.  I let Dennis and Esther get away with a lot.  I was nice to them. I don’t think I will be here on out.  I know how to piss off both. I’m not entirely convinced I should, however.  I’m hesitating. Maybe that’s why I’m so angry.

They deserve it.  I know they do, I’m just not sure how I’d feel to deal out my own justice.  Nothing, of course, would be illegal.  But, of course, I’m not sure I want to.  That’s life.

I woke up at 11:30 today.  My alarm was at 8.  Not a good thing.  I was in bed at 1, let’s say 1:30.  That’d basically mean I was in bed for 10 hours.  Not asleep, just in bed.  Then, I ended up taking a nap today. I’m naturally a night person.  I’ve always been shamed for it.  I HATE waking up early and if I was caught not asleep, I was yelled at for it.  Thus, I’ve spent most of my life in bed.  Doing nothing.  Not getting the sleep I need. That’s a lot of wasted time.  Doing nothing.  All because I need to be up early.  Well, now I’m sleeping in AND I wasted most of my day. Instead of feigning sleep, I could be writing.  I could be doing other things.  I could be more productive if I didn’t have to wake up early for most of my life. Mind you, I had to wake up at 6 in the morning JUST TO FUCKING GET TO SCHOOL.  My father, in his infinite brilliance, thought it’d be a good idea to get a house in the middle of nowhere.  However, my sister and I basically were too far away from anything to do anything.  She misses out on social cues, as do I. Basically, our only non-family contacts were old men and their fragile egos.  I hate the elderly.  They’re such entitled dicks. “Oh, but they’ve done so much in their lives!” No, shut the fuck up.  One of our neighbors was a schizophrenic who spent time in an insane asylum and the other tells massive, bullshit lies.  Of course, the schizo died years ago and the massive, bullshit liar admitted to his lies recently.  They didn’t fight in World War II against Hitler.  No. Really, they’re just as fragile and delicate as we are.  If they deserve my respect for that then everyone does. My father’s father was a draft dodger during World War II.  I’m fairly certain I mentioned this.  The elderly are just as cowardly. The only difference between the young and the old is that the old demand respect for being old.  That’s it. My dad… I’ve been angry at him, too.  There was a lot that went wrong between he and I.  I looked up to him.  I tried to emulate him.  I had no heroes because he said I had no heroes.  He has literally said that.  “The problem with your generation is that you have no heroes.”  I’ve heard that so much and I believed him. I’m just bitter today.  -,- I’ll try to keep writing more.  I’ve been super lax in my updates, I guess.  Not a lot is happening right now. Oh, I tried applying for a job and then they told me, “No.”  That sucked.  Not a lot of luck for me atm.  Life.

It’s towards the end of the official day.  I was surprised to see Dennis streaming.  If I had to guess, Esther encouraged him to stream if he really wanted.  Why not, after all?  No voice, just him playing League of Legends.  How unusual.  He isn’t playing with Jer or Shane.  I doubt he’s playing with Esther, either.  She might make an account to play with him. Honestly, this bodes well.  It means he’s wasting his time.  I’d know, I do that all the time. He currently has 5 subs.  Two people are watching.  Don’t know who the other is.  He’s winning.  Always was pretty good at league. You know, I bet you Esther is with her mother right now.  Or Dennis is ignoring her.  Stream ended after about 20 minutes. I came in at 17.  He hasn’t gamed since she moved in.  Now that he has… well, I suspect karma will catch up with him.  He also streamed 30 minutes of Destiny 2.  What is this?  He got a new game. I think I can hear Esther talk in the Destiny 2 video. Only for a second, however.  Heard him say, “How about now.” Yeah, I’m certain she’s encouraging him to push his goals.  This will be him trying to make up an excuse to not get a job.  “I always wanted to stream” I’m sure he said.  She said go for it because she’s a supportive person.  Even if she thought he’d fail, she’d keep it to herself.  I know Dennis is playing because his characters are hideous.  Not on purpose. Female, blonde, pigtails.  Loli-esque.  Has a mod that let’s you play as a child in Fallout 3 and New Vegas.  His character, so I never judged him.  But a blonde haired Sudanese child soldier in a post-nuclear DC area?  Yeah, a bit much. That’s me, though.  I don’t like breaking lore.  If a game is close to breaking lore or if it seems out of place, I’ll change it with few exceptions.  This extends to in-game things, too.  Like how Caesar’s legion wore sports equipment and were supposed to be super Roman.  Thing is, the Romans adapted.  So, I have a mod that gave them more guns. Hrm… Alright, finished watching it.  Two streams of two different games within an hour.  He’s starting off if I had to guess.  Getting a feel for it, getting acquainted, and getting ready for something more.  Esther is with him, I know that for a fact so she’s totally supporting and helping him.  The thing is, to be a SUPER GREAT YOUTUBE GAMING CHANNEL, you’re constantly buying new games and new DLC’s.  You need a day job to support that. Thus, Esther must be making money again.  However, her income won’t be ANYWHERE near enough to make up for what he wants to do AND buy pot.  So, they’re probably going to smoke less pot.  Something else is that because Daniel’s car is with him in LA.

Actually, I don’t know.  But I can find out.  If he car pooled with his friend, then they’ll have a car and they’ll be more free.  If not, then they’re out of luck.  The only other cars they can use would be Dennis’s sister’s or Beto’s (her boyfriend and baby-daddy).  And even then, both of them work and won’t be available. So, if I had to guess based on Daniel’s location and Dennis’s situation before I left, Esther won’t be getting her GED and Dennis won’t be trying to get a job.  That means the apartment Esther was hoping for?  Probably won’t be able to afford for a few years.  Sucks for them.  I guess even more reason to not target either of them.  Or target them more.  Idk, we’ll see how I feel later. As I was writing that, I scrolled through Facebook and saw a post talking about how suicidal people aren’t necessarily holding a gun to their heads.  It goes on about certain things, emphasizing how suicidal just don’t care about living anymore.  “A lot of times, it means not putting any effort into living.” Yeah… I get it.  That was most of my life, described in a single sentence.  That’s how most of my misfortunes came to me.  I just… didn’t care.  I gained weight because I didn’t care.  My mentality was, “Well, I’ll probably kill myself this December anyways, so why not?” Not sure if I mentioned this, but Ariel was a bit skeptical that I actually cared for Esther.  Said it didn’t sound like I loved her.  I’m sure I did.  If I didn’t love her then it wouldn’t have hurt so much. Of course, I’m skeptical with most things.  Love fades.  Always does.  Give it a few years. Still.  I do legitimately care about her.  She’s just an idiot sometimes.  Let her, though.  She can’t do much more against me, so she’s only hurting herself. I actually almost called Ariel “Esther” earlier today.  Christ…  Two syllables, end with the same syllable.