#but like it freaked me out so bad i havent had something like that since i was like 9. i prefer my academic fears nightmares instead LOL

[bmpmp3]

when i finally finish this essay its gonna be like i dropped the training weights im gonna be unstoppable. im gonna be unstoppable.

[darlingdaisyfarm]

r you still open for requests? if so and if you havent done this, stan twins taking care of reader on their period? im on my period rn and i lowkey am craving for it,, /nf!!

❥ Stan & Ford taking care of you on your period headcanons <3

a/n: oh anon this one's for you and for everyone dealing with the struggle right now <333 may ur cramps be mild 🙏

STANLEY

★ “what do you mean you feel like garbage?? you were fine an hour ago! what happened?? who do I have to fight??” and when you explain, he just. OH. THAT.

★ “okay, okay, don’t freak out, but,” he digs around in some closet and pulls out a very old hot water bottle. “this thing got me through some rough winters. i hope this will, uh. . . stop the angry uterus thing.”

★ if anyone (Soos, Dipper, some poor clueless tourist) makes a dumb joke about “mood swings,” Stan will protect you. “oh, you think that’s funny? let’s see how funny it is when I lock you in the Mystery Shack bathroom for a week with no toilet paper!”

★ will not let you lift a finger. so worried about your state he physically shoves you back down if you try to do anything. “nope. nope, nuh-uh, baby, don’t even think about it.”

★ if you're dying from pain and nothing helps, he just holds you close while dramatically saying “oh sweetheart, if only nature was FAIR, it’d be me bleeding instead! why this world is so unfair????”

★ of course he buys you snacks. SO MANY SNACKS. he heard somewhere that chocolate helps, so now he’s bought four different brands of cheap chocolate bars from the gas station

“uh, i got these. one of ‘em’s gotta be the magic one, right?”

★ “old man Mcgucket says bark tea fixes everything. should we. . . should we try bark tea?”

★ once Stanley pulled out a beer and immediately regretted it. “. . . wait, no, that’s for me.”

★ ofc he cooks for you. he’s a big believer that food fixes all things, even if he doesn’t understand the science of it. makes you the heartiest, greasiest, most filling meal he can. you might not even want it but it’s the intent. it's the love. (and if you actually ask for something? he’ll make it with no hesitation)

★ you look even slightly like you’re in pain?? immediate concern. hunched over? “alright, that’s it, you’re going on the couch.” he literally herds you over with his hands on your shoulders, forces you to get comfortable. “c'mon, c'mon, up ya go. feet up. blanket on. there ya go.”

★ lovingly teases you when you cry over dumb stuff, but only a little. “you're cryin’ over a commercial? sweetie, c’mon.” wipes your tears anyway. kisses your forehead after.

★ grocery store trip. Stanley standing in the feminine hygiene aisle, he calls you from the store like, “baby, what the hell is ultra-thin? why are there WINGS on these? you gonna fly away or somethin’? :(”

★ i have a feeling he'll get the wrong ones. Stan comes home proud of himself only for you to be like Stan these are panty liners. he’s FLABBERGASTED. “they were in the same aisle!! they had the same stupid pink packaging!!”

★ eventually, he settles into his caretaking mode, ruffles your hair, makes bad jokes to make you laugh even when you feel awful. if you get emotional from the hormones he panics a little but ultimately just lets you cry on his shoulder and pats your back

★ mutters “alright, where’s it hurt, lemme at it.” then massages your lower back, rubs your stomach clumsily but gently. Stan is determined to physically get rid of your pain somehow even if that’s not how it works

★ makes you rest by putting on a movie and forcing you to stay put. he picks the weirdest mix of old action flicks, crime shows and one sappy romance he swears he doesn’t like. (he totally does.)

★ if you’re in pain he's gonna fix it. but since he can’t punch your uterus, he does the next best thing. distracts the hell outta you. "alright, sweetheart, what’s it gonna be? poker? tall tales? let's watch duck detective?���

you giggle. “Stan, just cuddle me.”

“oh, yeah, you got it, c’mere.” immediately pulls you onto his lap, wrapping his big arms around you, rocking his most precious thing in the world.

★ if you're up at 2 AM, restless from cramps, Stan notices immediately “owwh, doll, let’s getcha comfy.” guides you to the couch, sets you up with a blanket, turns on some quiet late-night TV. he stays up with you, spending sleepless night taking care of you. he sits there, rubbing your back, making sure you’re okay

in some hours more though, he falls asleep next to you, head leaning against yours

STANFORD

★ HE KNOWS BEFORE YOU DO. this man has studied interdimensional quantum phenomena. you think he hasn’t mapped out your cycle like a scientist mapping the tides???? PLEASE

“sweetheart, shouldn’t you be starting your period soon?”

“what? no?? I feel fine“ and twenty minutes later, you’re in pain

“ah. as I suspected.” Ford says

★ literally tracks it like a researcher. has a whole-ass journal with little notes. estimates symptoms, cravings, moods. he says it's because “I want to be prepared for you”.

you catch him writing in it one day. “Ford, what is that?”

he looks guilty and awkward. “a. . . documentation of your menstrual cycle?”

you take it, open it and your eyes widen. it got a whole-ass formula for predicting your moods

“wtf Ford, you made a menstrual algorithm??”

he rubs the back of his neck. “well, i wanted to ensure that i could be fully prepared for any and all symptoms—“

you’re just staring at the notes, not even listening to him. “did you seriously track that I crave sour candy more than chocolate???”

Ford pushes up his glasses. “i prefer to call it an empirical observation, yes.” next thing you do is kiss him senseless, because this nerd is the most devoted man on the planet

★ i assure you, he's already stocked up. you go to grab something and oh . . . heating pad? already plugged in. pain meds? already out on the counter. ur favorite snacks? somehow already bought. tea? brewing

★ of course! of course you'll get his lectures about periods. “did you know that menstrual cramps are caused by the uterus contracting due to prostaglandins? i read a fascinating study on ways to mitigate the pain—“ but let me tell you, he’s rambling because he’s nervous about you hurting. also because he thinks knowledge = comfort

★ his gentle hands, always. adjusting your blanket. rubbing slow circles into your back. fingertips ghosting over your forehead to check if you’re feverish

★ absolutely 100%, without a doubt, Ford takes notes on what helps you. if you ever say something like “ugh, this tea actually helps a lot” he writes that down. if you offhandedly mention “i think dark chocolate makes it better” he’s buying you ten bars of it next time.

★ he tries to keep you distracted. puts on old sci-fi movies and nerds out over them. reads aloud from a book if you want because he knows you love his voice

“did I ever tell you about the time I discovered a species that only reproduces once every ten years?” he just TALKS to you. calmly. thoughtfully. lets his voice carry you away from the pain.

★ he will stay up with you if you can’t sleep. even if he’s exhausted, even if he has research to do. if you’re in pain, he’s right there. “sleep, darling. I’ll stay up for a while. you need to rest.” strokes your hair until you do and presses a kiss to your temple when you finally drift off.

★ Ford can’t stand inefficiency. the first time he hears you complain about normal period products, he rubbed his chin, thinking. you’re uncomfortable??? with a problem that science could potentially solve???

“hmph. there must be a better way.” he disappears into his lab for hours.

★ what he makes depends on what you complain about! hate pads? “ah. they’re inefficient, bulky and uncomfortable. yes, darling, I see the flaws.”

hate tampons? “too absorbent, prone to leaking at unpredictable rates. . . fascinating, but flawed.”

cramps?? “prostaglandin-induced muscle contractions. I can work with this!”

no problem is too small. he listens to every complaint

★ “i will revolutionise menstruation, darling!” you're so proud of him. Ford is proud of himself too

★ normally, he treats you like his equal, his partner, his greatest love. but when you’re sick ohh he secretly loves having an excuse to baby you. he brings you tea and tests the temperature on his wrist before handing it over. he fluffs your pillows, tucks you in way too snug. if you groan in pain, he’s immediately alert. “what is it? what do you need? tell me, dearest, I’ll get it.”

i can't believe i wrote an entire fic from Ford's pov journaling reader's cycle, im going insane

[sacklerscumrag]

Metalhead Next Door

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Notes: hello :) i got the sudden urge to write for eddie munson today for some reason lol

i'm apologizing in advance for how bad it probably is. please keep in mind that i havent written anything in a long time, let alone for eddie

but if you do read it for whatever reason, thank you i love you im giving you a big kiss rn <3

Warnings: neighbors to lovers, jealous!reader, pining, oral sex (f receiving)

Word Count: 1.4K

A loud rumble from a run-down truck rang outside your trailer window, jolting you from sleep. The book you abandoned some hours ago slid off your chest as you sat on the bed to peek outside. Snow continued to fall and hardened on the window sill from earlier that morning, each flake a silent whisper against the palm of your hand as you held it out in the icy air. Metal music blared through the familiar window across from yours, drawing your attention toward the warm glow coming from inside. An overpowering scent of weed lingered between the two trailers—something you'd found comfort in within the last couple of months of living next door to the Munsons. Of course, you'd heard the rumors where Eddie was concerned, and you'd have to be blind not to see how people treated him around here. Everyone ignored him, wrote him off as a freak while telling the tale of the long-haired devil-worshiping drug dealer to anyone who would listen. But after almost a year of living next to Eddie, you realized that couldn't be further from the truth.

The first night, Eddie crept up on your front porch when you weren't looking, making himself comfortable on the wooden staircase, offering whatever joint he was nursing—all leather jacket and wild hair with a grin that could warm you to your core if you let yourself admire him for a little too long. Since then, you'd meet Eddie outside once everyone had gone to bed and let his wild D&D stories carry you through the night. The world around you seemed to soften around Eddie, swallowed up by the relentless comfort of his presence. Even when he was gone, one last tiny blaze of warmth and light continuously flickered in your chest for him.

The night air was crisp, making you cling to your blanket that much tighter as you curled up in bed. You nearly jumped when you heard a thump against your bedroom window, a snowball crumbling as another landed against the window pane.

"You're not gonna make me wait out here until I freeze, are you?" Eddie's voice trickled in from outside, making you smile before quickly opening the window and letting him climb in. "It's fucking freezing out there. Hey, sweetheart." Your heart warmed at the nickname as he brushed past you, flopped down on your mattress, and picked up your abandoned book. His hair looked like he'd run his hand through it far too many times today; the snow still crunched as he crossed one boot over another as scattered icicles clung to his jacket's leather and denim patches.

"Well, it's no D&D book, but-." Eddie teased before you cut him off by snatching the book, placing it on your bedside table, and settling beside him. He smirked, clearly pleased with himself for getting to you so quickly.

"So what's new with you, Munson?" You said as you sank next to him, sneaking glances whenever he wasn't looking.

"Same shit, different day. I learned a new Metallica song last week, gonna play it at our gig."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I'll play it for you sometime." You smiled at that. "Oh shit, I was supposed to call Dustin." Eddie dramatically sat up on your bed and sighed.

"Dustin? Was it important?"

"Yeah, sort of; he's been trying to set me up with this girl. Or was it Steve setting me up? All I know is I went out with her last week, and now I gotta be at Family Video tomorrow at 6 to pick out a movie for whatever the fuck a double date movie night is." Your heart sank. Eddie was being set up; he was dating someone. And it wasn't you. Figures. He would never see you as more than a friend; all you ever did was hang out and talk about D&D; he could do that with any of his other friends. This shouldn't surprise you, but that didn't make it sting any less than it did.

"Hey, you okay?" Eddie noticed your silence amidst his rambling. You were seemingly lost in your thoughts as you toyed with your fingers. Something had shifted; your warm presence from just a minute ago felt frigid and distant.

"Yeah." You wiped the tears welling in your eyes and stood from the bed, suddenly needing to put as much distance between you as possible. "Just tired, I'm just gonna go to bed." The mere thought of Eddie snuggling up on a couch with some girl made your chest feel like it would cave in any second. You quickly turned toward your window to open it, unable to face him without fear of bursting into tears.

"Sweetheart, if I did something to piss you off, I'm sorry."

"You didn't just please…I want to go to bed." Your tone was firmer than Eddie had ever heard from you. He should go, head out through the window, and call it a night. But he couldn't. "Please." Your voice slightly cracked, and with it, a piece of Eddie's heart at the realization. When you managed to turn around, his chest was inches from your face, tenderness filling those big, brown, beautiful eyes darting back at you. His ring-clad hand cupped your cheek, skimming over your skin delicately like you would break under his touch.

Before you knew it, your mouth was on his. Your arms around his neck; he tasted like cigarettes and mint from the gum he anxiously chewed before you came in. It was intoxicating. Chills spread across your skin when his hands slid across your waist, pressing you closer to him. It didn't take long for Eddie's need for you to become apparent with feverish hands pushing you back until the desk bumped against your ass; Eddie tapped your thigh to signal you to sit on the hard surface, standing in between your legs and trailing his lips down to your neck and chest. Your hands tangled in his curls, breathing in as much of him as possible before he pulled away slightly.

"Eddie." You paused, studying his face for a moment; face flushed, hair tussled, and lips swollen and pink from your own; he was perfect. "I'm sorry. I should've told you how I felt, I-. Eddie's lips interrupted you with a searing but brief kiss as he spoke against your lips.

"Don't you dare apologize. I've been waiting so fucking long for this." A smile spread across your face, and relief flooded your chest. You tugged on his vest to draw him back to your lips as his hands began to knead your thighs, core clenching at the feeling. Whimpers escaped you from just his lips on your skin. His mouth worked its way along your neck, lifting your shirt and continuing to work his way down until he was kneeling before you.

"Can I?" You nodded as Eddie's ring-clad fingers hooked onto your shorts, pulling them off and discarding them on the floor along with your underwear. He hooked one leg over his shoulder and kissed the delicate skin of your inner thigh. "God, you have no idea how bad I've needed to taste you." Your breath hitched when you felt his tongue begin expertly working along your folds, then back toward your clit. It wasn't long before he slipped a finger inside you, then another. The chill of his rings pressing on your most sensitive spots as he plunged them in and out of you had you arching your back and squeezing your thighs tighter around Eddie. Your chest heaved; every whimper and moan that escaped was like music to his ears. Eddie consumed you like a man starved; it was like the more pleasure he drew from you, the more he wanted. He couldn't get enough. He teased your clit between his lips and began to suck hard. Eddie's movements were relentless. Your eyes screwed shut, and your core tightened until it snapped. Eddie's hand dug into the flesh of your hips to hold you in place as you squirmed against him until you were practically pushing him away. He could see the blissed look on your face as he stood and wrapped your legs around his waist, carrying you over to bed. Once you were settled, Eddie stepped toward the still-open window.

"Don't go," you whispered; a pang of fear hit you. Eddie smirked to himself before shutting the window securely, throwing his jacket on your nightstand, and crawling in beside you.

"Don't worry, sweetheart." He placed a kiss on your forehead. "I'm not going anywhere."

[xylatox]

closest moots and why? (: - ask game

hello! i didnt expect to see this in my inbox and apologies for answering a day late ;;. I am naturally very introverted and super shy so I don't talk to much of my moots as often as Id like! Anways!!

@just-nc-tea

Patty my wife hehe, I would say i talk to her pretty often. I love her with my entire heart shes genuinely such a sweet person and she brightens my day so much. I really do appreciate her :( and I love her work so damn much. I had the pleasure of getting google doc privileges the last 2 fics of her decelis academy - the hockey diaries series and it was such a blessing!!

2. @yunverie

I love her sososo much, every conversation I had with her is so enjoyable. I always feel super happy talking to her especially since we have the same taste in anime and it was sososo fun to have someone else feel the same way about a piece of media

3. @dawngyu

Raya my darling :(( I started reading her work back in January and I've been here since and shes such a sweetheart oh my god. Like??? I wish i could just protect her from all the evil people in the world, she makes my heart so soft i swear

4. @gyu-tori

Rei :))) shes such a sweetheart and I just love her and her work so much. She really is a darling and I would love people to see that. I wish to protect her from the world too

I think thats all the moots ive talked to pretty consistanly outside of tumblr. Again, I really do have a hard time socializing. Now I just want to say something about other moots I love and appreciate but dont talk to as often as I'd like.

@faeyun

I was a fan of her work from her old blog and moved over and god, shes literally so cool to me?? I would love to see inside how her brain works because her work is so good. I hope to interact with her more since shes such a sweet person （*＾-＾*）

2. @hyukascampfire

Got to reading her work last year and let me tell you, my life has never been the same since I read TSFAWC. Ashlynn is literally the coolest person ever and probably was one of the first people along with @faeyun that i interacted with on Tumblr that kind of encouraged me to be more vocal with my thoughts here and i havent regretted it

3. @jakesimfromstatefarm

hehe addie my name twin. Yall I lover her so bad but i literally suck at interacting (which im fixing rn) but shes literally the coolest person ever? I love her fics so much too like shes such a fun person and I feel like her fics have a part of her

4. @bambiihee

Bree :((( another moot i wish i talked to more but im shy as hell. In my mind shes like the coolest person ever and her work gets to me so good (for freaks only). But really! shes such a sweetheart

5. @pagelets

my girl lets :((((( I really wish we talked more but anytime I do interact with her its literally the sweetest moment ever. I really do appreciate her words.

6. @heesmiles

Rain :3 ive only started reading and interacting with her and her work recently and my God shes amazing? She feels so bright to me that it actually warms my heart how sweet of a person she is. I really only hope life gives her the best.

7. @chwesun

Shes, so. fucking. cool. Lexi gives such big sister vibes to me. Like, i dont have any siblings but i feel like Lexi is the type of person to talk me through anything I ask her and give me the hard advice people may not want to give? shes so sweet as well :((

8. @izzyy-stuff

Another darling I don't interact with often but shes so sweet :((( she always says the kindest of words it actually really makes me happy

And thats it! Sorry it was longer than expected but I really did not want to leave anyone out :) They are literally some of the sweetest people ive had the pleasure of interacting with on this little side of the internet and it really does make me happy to do so. I really on wish the best for every single one of them.

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

i'd love to hear about manmaru metadede !!! i heard it's really Gay but no one ever details it. not a lot of it is translated too, as far as i know, but i really like it.. any excuse to talk about something you like is good too

NO YEA not a lot is translated and the manga itself is already more niche compared to like, mopupupu so its not too well known. translation efforts have really started picking up the past year though (shoutout to @/kirby-manga-translated they do great work). if it needed to be restated for new followers since i havent tl'd in a while, i know a decent amount of japanese so i read them on my own :)c

shoutout to my guy @/rosakikoza as well for giving me his scans hehe. the majority of images below are his or taken from his scans. the rest are mine

*deep breath* the tangent. im gonna need to put this under a cut dont mind me 😍😍😍 did i say 3 paragraphs? i meant 20. like 20 paragraphs

meta knight is absolutely pathetic and incredibly down bad for dedede this manga. its adorable. multiple people ive talked to or seen have come to the conclusion it seems like he has a huge crush on him. a quick brief for those who dont know but this mangas meta is admittedly Veryyyyy different from how you'd expect a meta knight to be. uncharacteristically friendly and cheerful and. pathetic is really the best word for it. hes kinda a loser. incredibly protective of dedede, he switches between two modes of fussing over him quite a bit and semi-often going into incredible rage bloodlust modes over protecting him or his image (youll see a good amount of jp fanwork depict this version of him as a yandere for that reason)

theres also been more than one occasion where meta knight tries to commit seppuku upon accidently doing something he sees as unforgivable towards his king (its in the chapter i just screenshotted above too, another time he broke dededes clock and freaked out about it). i-. dont consider this a cute ship thing for the record im just stating it to emphasize the extent of metas obsession towards dedede this manga. the mans got Problems...

apart from that, also quite differing from most interpretations of both of them, both of them seem to genuinely really like spending time around each other all the time. it comes off as casually domestic and is very cute...

regardless of my attempts to brief it, i dont feel like im explaining this very well so lemme just show you a frankly ridiculous amount of reasons for why i keep feeling like this mangaka ships metadede

-fake kiss: self explanatory

-fake proposal: also self explanatory

mk: Will you marry me!?

ddd: Yes!

context for this scene is that theyre rehearsing for a play, but actually its later revealed that meta knight is playing the princess while dedede is playing the male protag so im not exactly sure it makes sense that hes the one proposing here. my speculation is that to make the proposal seem legit for the gag they Had to use meta LMAO but thats just my take

also to be noted, right after kirby hears the proposal he immediately runs off and tries to tell everyone the news before ddd+mk stop him and explain that its fake. hes not thrown off or weirded out at the idea that they could be getting married in the slightest. kirby says gay rights Real i love him sm

-this one is from what i call the memory loss chapter:

dedede loses his memories from getting hit in the head too hard. the gang figures out that beating dedede up or otherwise causing him injury causes him to regain some of them back though, to which kirby attempts to harm him with increasingly violent means, much to meta knights horror. mk spends the entire chapter trying to protect dedede from him, and it doesnt work obviously, but after a particularly hard hit dedede remembers everyone again... except for meta knight. to which meta knight gets upset about and lets kirby lay into dedede for real. you see where people get the yandere personality from now right. i dont recall this trait coming out too often but ill talk more about it later

-the whole chapter thats a cinderella retelling with dedede and meta knight. also also self explanatory COME ON LOOK AT THIS ONE. LOOK AT IT.

mk: Y…You're…

ddd: Wow, he's so beautiful!! It's like I'm dreaming…!

-theres the mangaka chapter which is a more recent one

the gang makes manga for dedede. meta knight's manga is about how cool, brave, and heroic dedede is. mysteriously enough however the only thing hes good at is drawing dededes face and nothing else. the implications of this one drive me absolutely insane. is it supposed to imply that meta knight stares at his face all day?? admires his appearance??? he looks at him so much he basically has his face memorized????? HUH???????? theres no heterosexual explanation for this. acting like a teenager with a crush out here got damn

=various images im sharing out of context because they r cute

head pats. holding hands and reaching the goal together. peak.

KNIGHT DRESSUP FOR THE KNIGHT. AHAAHGH

ddd: Hoho, pretty spiffy don'cha think?

mk: Ohh!? It suits you!!

fellas is it gay to shout "OHH! META KNIGHT!!" with a dopey grin on your face upon being saved like a damsel in distress

sometimes meta knight acts domestic as fuck too. his copy abilities as he states are: cook! clean!! and sleep!!!

regarding my thoughts on their dynamic in this series overall, i think theyre absolutely adorable. meta knight emits dog energy in this one. eager golden retriever towards dedede, though dedede has his sweet moments towards meta knight too. (viewing it with a shipping lens just for this post ofc) while meta is the more active crusher, some of the stuff above seems to imply that dedede has feelings in return as well :') they just get along really well too its great. theres a different chapter where they perform as a comedy duo. theyve done plays in multiple chapters. its my hc for these versions of them that they love doing performances of all kinds together and do a lot of rehearsals and writing in their free time...

and the yandere stuff i feel like i should address as well. i try not to take some aspects Too seriously because its to be expected things are over emphasized for the sake of the joke with gag mangas. but oh man the man definitely has problems. he needs therapy. i tried to be transparent in listing those aspects as well so people can make their own conclusions on it But theres one more thing id like to mention regarding that

meta knights personality has been shifting to be different from what i listed, as of the most recent volume. my beloved forgotten land arc... a first for this series in that, while the chapters still retain their gag humor and dont take themselves that seriously, its a serialized story that mostly follows along with the game plot that lasts nearly the whole volume (as opposed to other game arcs in this manga being episodic stories, using the games as their theme rather than a full on setting). with the more serious tone of the serialized story, theres a frankly startling hint of character development i never wouldve expected from a gag manga at the end of it

kirby gets ko'd the first round of the meta knight cup so meta knight joins the meta knight cup instead. turns out when he does that the final boss of the cup is dedede. meta knight Really doesnt want to hurt dedede and so dedede promptly kicks his ass without a second thought and wins the tournament. while the crowd cheers for dedede's victory, meta and dedede have a small talk where dedede tells him he doesnt need to fuss so much about hurting him/him getting hurt. presumably this is supposed to mark the end of meta knights intense overprotectiveness because (its never been clear-cut due to the nature of the manga previously, so its a lil hard to say) dededes shown he can handle himself, or like, isnt some fragile thing. i really hope itll stick around because i think its a great addition to both of their characters. the meta-knights have also been appearing way more frequently as of very recent chapters (ones that havent been compiled into a volume yet) which seem to also hint to meta knight getting more independence to his character from dedede's loyal servant. im very excited to see where it goes :D

and like, last last disclaimer if anyone needed it; even tho i love metadede and i like to see things through ship glasses sometimes i absolutely try my best to keep my biases out of my translations. putting out accurate translations means a lot to me! this entire post is me purposely putting the ship glasses on so please dont take it as "omg metadede is canon in this manga". you know way back when i was the only active translator for this manga someone tweeted at the mangaka on twitter mentioning that there were english translations around and he replied to that person. didnt respond to the fan translation thing specifically but the fact that he could know who i am definitely kinda terrifies me. if anyone goes around saying that his manga is the metadede manga because of me and he even has the slightest sliver of a chance of seeing that i will kill yall fr LOL

[cherriesnkisses]

I heard your being our big sister so i just wanted to ask for some advice

This is kind of vulnerable and long so i apologize lol

So like ever since I was like 14 (im 18 now so like for four years now) i have had this thing where I have a feeling like something bad is going on. My body's always alert like something bad is going to happen to me any second. I think i might've killed my nervous system by now because GIRL im always so scared for no reason and i don't know why??

Especially at night I cant fall asleep because im so scared that ive done something so incredibly bad that someones out to get me. I always stay up late so tomorrow comes later ( i know that doesn't make sense but bare with me) with cold sweat, my heart feeling its being squeezed, the feeling of needing to throw up. And I only fall asleep after literately overthinking EVERYTHING that has ever happened to me.

Some nights if im exhausted I just sleep straight away, but like I take a while to sleep so like almost everyday is like this. It stresses me out SO BAD i can barely breathe and sometimes I'll cry from the overestimation because I just want to sleep but my thoughts are so loud omg.

Its been like this for 4 years but its gotten bad a couple months ago. I HAVENT GOT A WELL NIGHTS REST SINCE SEPTEMBER. I actually dont know who to ask for help on how to stop this.

And ALSO, I get nightmares so frequently like as frequent as normal dreams. Idk if that means anything but I thought i'd share.

So basically what im asking is if you have any tips on how to stop feeling like youre going to be killed every second of the day.

THANK YOU BOO

this sounds like a mix of adhd and anxiety. i have adhd and at night sometimes i get racing thoughts, when i’m having too many thoughts at one time so i can’t process any of them and i freak out because of it then cant sleep. i also get really vivid nightmares for weeks on end every couple of months.

i’ll be brutally honest, i take an edible (legally) to calm myself down LMAO but i know that’s not accessible to everyone. melatonin has also helped me (but sometimes i get weird dreams cause of it) but i wouldn’t do that every night because you’ll build a tolerance.

are you possibly in therapy and have mentioned this before? i have a friend who used to experience similar things and she got on anxiety medication, and hasn’t experienced that in awhile now.

[avatarkurukdefender]

Adhd is still adhding so lets talk about A Literal Team Avatar instead of writing it :3

Aang is NOT gonna have a good time. In fact to quote Sans he's in for a BAD TIME

So you know in the Yangchen books how her past lives would frequently possess her body at the absolute WORST TIMES for example, the past life that had really really really bad claustrophobia possessing her when she was in a tight claustrophobic space and making her freak out? Yeah that. You know how none of the avatars after Yangchen never seemed to deal with this? Well I headcanon that the reason why was because Yangchen actively BLOCKED the previous incarnations for pulling that same awful shit with every avatar after her.

So what do you think is gonna happen when Yangchen has been removed from the avatar cycle (and teenified) and is no longer to keep the others from fighting over Aang like a chew toy?

:3

Lets see how badly this can fuck with the poor twelve year old boy

(aka a bunch of random headcanons I came up with for the avatars we only have names and even a few of the nameless ones)

Szeto first of all had BAD sleep paralysis. Like almost every night, hallucination fo something just standing over him (or in some cases full on trying to strangle him) and he cant move or even speak levels of bad. Also had severe hemophobia (fear of blood) and would literally faint at the sight of blood (hehehehe)

Next is Salai who had severe thalassophobia (fear of the ocean/ fear of deep bodies of water) like he would get full on panic attacks every single time he had to cross the ocean. Even worse since I headcanon that he drowned in a a severe storm while sailing on the ocean. And considering the fact that the gaang presumably spends a few weeks on a BOAT on the OCEAN to get from the Northern Water Tribe to General Fong's base...yeah thats gonna be a really bad time for Aang.

Avatar Gun, aka the one that possessed Yangchen to go on a rant about how humanity is selfish and uncaring, how they expect you to pull of a hundred miracles and then get mad you didnt do a hundred and one, yeah...they're gonna be a fun one (also they are nonbinary now because they were never said to be male or female and the wiki used they them pronouns for them so bite me) aside from...that they also absolutely HATED crowds, like avoided them at all costs unless absolutely necessary, otherwise would be sweating and shaking the entire time until they could leave. (Which means Omashu, Ba Sing Se, literally any crowded town or city is gonna be absolute HELL for our favorite little airbender)

Ok now for the ones without names (I have two of those so far)

This armless firebender who someone on tiktok named Avatar Kazza (I dont remember who named her that though)

Oh boy :3

So you know how General Fong pulled Katara under the ground to trigger the avatar state in Aang? Well the same thing happened to her partner. Only difference is that her partner wasn't pulled back out. Oh no. Her partner was pulled underground and CRUSHED to death. (When Kaaza bent them back out, there was nothing but blood, broken pulverized bones and completely crushed organs...) Yeah its gonna be a lot bloodier than in canon (None of General Fong's soldiers will die Im not gonna traumatize Aang THAT badly, but they will be maimed very badly.)

Next is this pretty avatar

I think someone on tiktok named her Avatar Imiq but dont quote me on that

She's the avatar that was absolutely terrified of the Spirit World, to the point that it caused Yangchen's sister Jetsun to get kidnapped by spirits when they went there (because you know the spirits get hostile when you're afraid and guess who decided to pop in at the worst moment?) Luckily this one isnt going to cause too much trouble since I dont think Aang actually goes to the spirit in books two and three unless you count Wan Shi Tong's Library (though Aang is not gonna have a good time when Avatar Imiq starts freaking out because of Wan Shi Tong) but I havent rewatched the show in awhile so I could be wrong

Also you know the avatar that had claustrophobia? That was Wan. With the exception of his tree house Wan absolutely hated small tight spaces. And that is something he was going to make everyone's problem (just like how every avatar inherited Wan's iconic crooked avatar smile, every avatar also inherited some claustrophobia, some worse than others. Unfortunately thats now gonna be Aang's problem)

I just keep coming up with these and thinking "What would suck/be the most inconvenient for Aang to have in this moment" and then assigning that to one of the past lives

(Also here's something funny, you know the air nomad avatar behind Kuruk? They actually used him TWICE in the TLOK image of all the past lives. He's also the second one behind Szeto on the left side)

[achoshistor]

crisis core reuinion

im actually crashing out this month so but i made two concrete decisions: firstly, to finish my bottle of red polish, and secondly, to get through the ccr story. #1 is not going very well but im glad to say i did #2!

infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess

im gonna start off by saying that I forgot what happened before so im gonna recap (mostly to myself)

firstly me and angeal go to wutai and i just beat up a bunch of wutai soldiers (zack = me) and also saw yuffie

i kind of forgot what happens here but angeal dissapears and then i forgot some more but we meet aerith and also uhh genesis crashes out and becomes evil

banora (i beat the shit out of angeal)

angeal wolf & beautiful queen aerith

at some point we have a beach scene where hes (zack =/ me) shirtless for somereason ??? and also he beats up monsters with an umbrella

me (zack = me) and cloud and tseng make out lowkey and also go to evil cold area with stealth section and levikron (RIP SONON) i couldnt finish so i just brute forced it and then angeal beats the shit out of me and then like something else happens (i KILLED him)

evil things happen at junon

i leave behind beautiful queen aerith because duty calls also tseng is watching from behind a wall (that man is married to his job)

we go to nibelheim and the scene in kalm happens all over again except im zack and not cloud and then sephiroths crash out happens and then he burns down the whole village (??) its literally fine afterwards so whats going on here anyways

we leave eventually and go to gongaga

cissnei also lazard and also hollander

we get to not mideel (banora) and i finish half of the side dungeon cause i assume its part of the main game but its not so i fight those evil mako thingys and get the materia and beat the shit out of genesis (side note zack is such a nice guy wow like he cares about genesis all throughout)

genesis talks a bunch more about loveless (IM SICK OF IT)

genesis does NOT die (it freaked me out so bad when he started talking again) and also everyone else died and then weiss and nero take genesis and we never ever see him again

we go to midgar except the army finds us first so erm.....

i (zack) (is it actually zach?) ascend to heaven with angeal

cloud crashes out (i do NOT blame him for anything)

i lowkey had to watch the t2s nutshell video to supplement this and honestly i kind of miss it bro AI voices just dont have the same charm

moral of the story: do not work for amazon

i think its really interesting how zach and cloud parallel each other LITERALLY like from the train scene to falling into the church; this def gave a different perspective on zachs final stand in contrast to remake (i havent finished the original & have no plans to bc its too hard) but (please put rebirth 50% off next sale square enix) i wonder if theyre gonna make more use of this; like since zack surrvives that means cloud's crash out likely isnt gonna happen in the first place which leads to a lot more happening if he doesn't crash out—I mean like there isnt gonna be the weird love "triangle" (its just tifa/aerith by remake tbh) its just gonna be beautful queen aerith and zack which therefore means one date doesnt happen to the ever unreceptive cloud (i read somewhere that cloud and zack were gonna become a merc team but idk how true that is)

i think on the topic of nero and weiss... i dont know really. all i know is that the both of them also crashed out (i dont care about nero because he killed sonon) which tbh was also pretty valid. i dont like how we don't know where the three of them are (3rd bro = genesis) like hes not even mentioned in intergrade but hes so intergral to zack's arc its so weird & i dont think they mention him at all in rebirth either. its like how in totk they wipe out all mention of the beasts; I also don't have a good grasp of what happens in DoC (genesis and weiss MAKE OUT)

we seek it thus, and take it to the sky

&speaking of divine beasts i didnt really understand what happened with the goddess and genesis but evidently she just recognized his soldier will or whatever and made him go back but before that when he turns into whatever did he not turn into a WEAPON? and that thing in the underground as well (the not emerald weapon) which i suppose suggest the guy is like anti sephiroth (protect the planet) (he sacrificed himself as per act v)

ummm idk what else let me think... i highkey almost started crying at the boss battles cause i was so done lol

i wonder if the grey stuff coming out of cloud and seph in the scene where cloud kills him was a form of the whisper stuff we see in remake rather than just a censor? after all, its not cloud's time to die & technically sephiroth lives... im not so sure since they show blood clearly in vii & intergrade as well as zack's final stand but here they're just gray dust...??

angeal was soooo fine too bad he died

& speaking of that... it doesn't really mean anything in the long run but angeal, genesis, and sephiroth are huge compared to zach. like yes i understand cloud is pretty small in stature for the average man, but zach's around 6'2 (maybe 180ish cm if youre European) meaning theyre around 6'8 or so (i dont even know what that would be in cm). does that suggest that jenova gillian gensis whatever cells make you bigger than average or is it just them....

i looked up zack's parents since i got lost and left gongaga & we evidently see them in rebirth. fourth result is a reddit theory that his parents ARE cloud and tifa (we will maybe inspect once there is a good sale) which his mother looks nothing like tifa lol. his dad does look shockingly like cloud if he didn't have mako in him—which regarding the mako in cloud i still don't understand why he couldn't make it into soldier when he survived mako poisoning twice and clearly has the skillset for the sword AND the gun. honestly the trust is that thanks to chapters like 8-13 of the remake i think endgame will be beautiful queen aerith x tifa (PLEASE LET ME GET WITH VINCENT VALENTINE PLEASE PLEASE PLEAS). also interesting that we STILL don't know cissnei's real name which means shes gotta tell it to zach at some point in part 3...

i know there was more i wanted to say so let me think some more so I dont have to make a half baked part two

okay so yuffie knows zach. cant really take this anywhere but i think that aerith probably saw zach within cloud (what kind of name is cloud anyways?? do u guys think its secretly been claude (from claudia) but they decided that sounded even stupider) which is probably why she offered that one date to him. i dont think shes in love with him or anything at all, rather the remnants of zach within him which leads me to do we think that yuffie can tell too? like she had to have known SOMETHING about cloud's backstory but idk if thats ever touched upon (sales would go up if the game wasnt $70 and PS exclusive 😭😢🤬)

i have to comment on their makeup LOL. almost everyone in this game is giving #BADDIE while they lowkey just give meow meow meow uncanny valley in the remake... also hollander is lowkey jacked. (????). genesis really is just evil gackt LOLLL i feel so normal and accepted when i see that this series has things like florence and the machine in it because i feel like there's less of a stigma associated with it in contrast to something like zelda

honestly as a conclusion (?) this series is really sad but also super weird and freaky. rude and reno are REAL freaks & theres probably more (whimper audio) will i play ever crisis? once i can bear to play another gacha.

okay double conclusion. everyone in this game crashes out for valid reason & geothermal energy is secretly evil.

i hope u guys liked me messing around with the colors. thats how i felt every time genesis came onto screen with his loveless monologuing. i will use it more productivley next time. infinite is the gift of the goddess... thanmks for coming to my EVIL ted talk

ironic how the first tumblr post i saw was thirsting over sephiroth (i could not understand because i was a youth). everything really does come full circle...

[tirasamu]

Whomst from KNY made it to the list?

im so full of love for this show flamey :( i ran to shonen jump immediately and read the manga too !!!! under the cut bc manga spoilers !!

MY NO. 1 IS GIYUU 🤍🤍 my darling boy i knew he’d be the one as soon as i saw him and the further along i got the more i adored him, i just want to cradle him in my hands so gently. ive needed to love on him ever since the “im…not disliked by people” scene but then the story behind his haori just solidified it T^T his heart is SO big i want to spoil him w kisses. THESE PANELS my god !!!! im so happy he got at least somewhat of a happy ending :( he deserves the entire world and more

mitsuri !! i love when they let badass girls still be ultra girly !! the way she moved like a magical girl during fights !! besides her being the biggest cutie pie ever her and obanai absolutely destroyed me :< i wasnt ready to see them both die in each other’s arms like that. ive always been so weak for the ‘in another life’ trope but ive never thought of it in this kind of way where ur both dying and promising u’ll be together if ur given another chance. i feel like after everything else that panel was the one that finally broke my heart into a million pieces

douma because of course that little freak is here, i LOVE him !! i just wanted more of him :< i want to sit in his lap and kiss him all over and maybe clean up his eyebrows a little bit….another one in my long list of evil men who i like to imagine would only be soft for me :< i fear i would join his cult if given the opportunity but i like to think he’d say im too pretty to eat 🙂‍↕️ all that being said seeing shinobu get her revenge and kill him was so satisfying, i cant lie i was cheering !! i was giggling that even in purgatory he was still trying to flirt w somebody HFJDDJ he’s such a loser but thats my type !!!

and ofc i saved the best for last….muzan 🙂‍↕️ PHEW. u conditioned me from the start flamey i didnt stand a chance. he had no business being so fine and oh my gosh ?? the scene w daki ?? I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO STOP THINKING AB IT SINCE I SAW IT he had me blushing into my laptop (づ៸៸៸◟) i wanted to jump thru the screen !! i love how bitchy and grumpy he is always, i want to bother him w affection in the same way i want to bother fyodor hehe >:) also his little runway walk down to ubuyashiki was so funny

but his character was probably the most interesting to me…by the end i felt rlly bad for him, hes tragic in a way i didnt expect him to be (was ab to type ‘ykwim?’ but ofc mrs kibutsuji herself knows !! 🙂‍↕️) i know it could come across like he just wanted to be invincible but the thought of him being so sick as a human, then he becomes a demon and still cant live life normally just tugged at me. and then his last line being ‘dont leave me here’ ughh the desperation !! it hurts my heart T^T

reading / watching this series while grieving made it hit so much harder than i think it would’ve otherwise for me….it meant so much that after every death a past loved one greeted them to bring them to the other side, no matter how many times it happened i just wanted to bawl my eyes out (ㅠ﹏ㅠ) its def something im going to be thinking ab for a long time and going back to over and over again

[equarretedddd]

AOTD SPOILERS!

| | |

i have a very strong theory that Dick is actually alive and just hiding somewhere (perhaps it has something to do with the Tribunal or some stuff), bcs his "death scene" does not inspire confidence, it is strange and incomprehensible. also, his look at everyone else during this scene seems to say: "i know something more than you that you dont need to know" or something like that.

i have an idea for post-AOTD situation (maybe its so fanon and not very canonical in terms of characters but i just thought about it for a long time). suddenly, along with Charles or someone else from the work team (or the group finds him by itself i havent come up with the whole thing yet), Dick appears right next to all the other members of the band. while everyone else quickly runs up to him to talk to him and catch the shock of the fact that he is real and in perfect order (or relatively).

except Murderface, who just can stared at Dick for several agonizing seconds and ran away from the others in confusion to some secluded corner, because there is no strength and desire to demonstrate how he is mentally break down from insane shock and horror.

im sure that Dick’s death would have had a terrible effect on all of them, but Murderface is special in this, bcs we all understand that he has a completely different attitude towards him (besides he had disturbing visions with Dick which could increase all this feelings). this reaction would be somewhat similar to the reaction when a person suddenly meets/finds a long-lost pet or smthng, like you feel terrible guilt all this time of uncertainty and when fate comforts you with this find, you are completely overwhelmed with mixed feelings.

imagine if Dick is suddenly found alive, MF would have felt a corrosive anger bcs of the feeling of being in gaslight for a long time, he would feel cheated and broken, but at the same time… relief and secret happiness that everything is fine with him, since the relationship with this person is gradually destroying all the established Murderface’s models self-expression.

its was something like: "you freak it would be better if you were lying dead i would have pulled you out of the ground myself i felt so bad without you i missed you so much."

just listen… maybe im goin crazy and making it up, but the constant analysis of the series and everything else just doesnt give me any other attitude to it. in theory, this blond man can easily make one of the most aggressive character of the entire series break down by his very existence and give an impetus to completely break the previous form of behavior.

[chososcamgirl]

HEY SIGMA IYA 😈😈 LOADS OF YAPS TODAY.. 

I DIDNT FIND MY AIRPODSSS (ARGHHHHH) SO ILL PROB JUST BUY NEW ONES WHEN I GET THE CHANCE TO 😔😩 HEARD THERES A NEW ONE COMING OUT SOON SO I MIGHT GET THOSE SINCE THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE CHEAPER ARFHRHHRRBRBRBRBR MY ENGLISH TEACHER IS ACTUALLY AN OP.. ITS SUNDAY NIGHT AND I HAVE EASY CLASSES TMRW SO THANK THE LORD FOR ANSWERING MY PRAYERS BC IF I HAD ENGLISH TMRW I WOULDD OF STARTED TWEAKKKKINGGGGHH 🙏🙏🙏 I HAVENT DONE ANY OF HER HW YET AND IK IF I CAME EMPTY HANDED SHES GONNA JUMPPP MY ASS 

OH MY GYATTERS.. I WAS LITERALLY BLASTING MITSKI AND BEING A LONE WOLF TODAY (ovulating 😔) AND THEN I SAW THAT TOU WOULD KILL OFF TOGE IN MY HONOR IF I DIED.. RHATS HOW I KNOWWWWW I HAD TO LOCKKK INN BECAUSE I WILL NOT LET HIM DIE 👿🔥‼️💔💔 ARGHHH IM ACRUALLY FEINING FOR HIM SOOOO BADDD IM LOCKING IN SOOO HARD BECAUSE OF YOU IYA‼️‼️ MY MOOD SWINGS WERE SOOONOT SKIBIDI TODAY BECAUSE TELL ME WHY I WENT FROM A LONE WOLF TO AN ALPHA IN HEAT UGHHH I HATE OVULATING BUT I JUST GOTTA POWER THRU ‼️😔 

I ACTUALLY CANT GO TO THIS UNSIGMA SCHOOL ANYMORE SOMEONE GET ME OUTTTTT BUT LIKE I CANT DROP OUT SINCE I GOTTA LOCK IN AND MAKE BANK YKYK?? VRO IM JUST GOING THROUGH IT TODAY 😣😣 BUT UR UPDATE LITERALLY HEALED ME LIKE ILYSM IYA STOP MATCHING MY FREAK SO WELL ARBHFNRNR EVERY TIME I CLICK ON YOUR PROFILE MY LEGS START WUIVERINGGGG UGHHHHEHEHHRRHJREBRNBRBE IM NOT USUALLY THIS 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 OVULATION IS DOINGGGG SHITTT TO MEEE ARGHHHHH 

THE FACT YOU SAVED MY ASK FOR LAST INCASE U HAD A BAD DAY!?? AUGHBRHRBRBR ITS ALL OVER THE SCREEENNNN CLEAN UP AISLE MY PANTS‼️😩😈 (I HAD AN IMAGE PREPPED FOR THIS BUT IT DIDNT GO THRU.. SO IF YOU SEE THIS ASK 2 TIMES IT JUST MEANS THAT THE FIRST ONE WENT THRU BUT I REPOSTED THIS ONE JUST INCASE)

IM PST SO UR LIKE.. A DAY AHEAD OF ME WHICH IS SO SKIBIDI CUS THAT TECHNICALLY MEANS I GET EARLY ACCESS TO SJAP (FRIDAYS AND SATURDAYS) not really.. BUT ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.. ANYWAYS ILYSM IYA SIGMA GNN *gives you (and toge 😈) a big wet kiss*

HI ALPHA!! 🐺🐺

NAURR💔💔 don’t worry you’ll find them.. i believe in you.. OR YES GET THE NEW ONES! think of it as an early christmas present… GIRL DO THE HW😭 but trust if she still remains an opp i will handle her.. i don’t know how.. but i will…

LMFAO THE OVULATION PART IS SO REAL😭 i think mitski is a just top tier artist i love her sm. i used to listen to her 24/7 CONSTANTLY in 2021 like omg why i was listening to circle when i was 14 🤨 (i was depressed basically) ALSO YES I WILL KILL OFF TOGE SO YOU CANG DIE OTHERWISE THE MASSES WILL KILL ME😓😓 LMFAOO ok i have to stop making him a lowkey love interest just in case i do write a toge or yuji spin off 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ periods SUCK don’t worry girl we must grind through the pain💔💔 also i feel like toge would tweet something stupid like “just found out what periods are.. women are so strong❤️” OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT HELP. I BELIEVE IN YOU!! keep it up and keep grinding at school ily alpha <3

LMFAO OH MY GOD PLEASE 😭 BOT THE FONT. yes ur asks make my day :33 MY REACTION TO THE THIRD PART OF UR ASK ARE IN A MIX RN IM WEAK. (don’t worry i imagine all alpha wolf images are what u would send to me if u could <3) OKAY PST TIME🔥🔥 EARLY ACCESS FR🔥🔥 that IS skibidi… ILY ALPHA PLS NEVER DIE OR STOP THESE <333 *smooches*

[misc-obeyme]

Corpse Party is a lot of things. (Apologies for the ramble in advance)

A game (the best is Blood Covered, no argument can win there. Book of Shadows is decent and Blood Drive everyone despises it. We dont talk about 2U. We also have Rebuilt which is a remake of the og since we cannot experience the og due to how old it is. I cant wait for the new game thats coming tho)

A manga (which some has the purpose of source material for both 2U and Blood Drive, but some manga adaptations are, uh... not good. Do not look up Musume. Just- for your sanity, do not.)

An anime (most people's introductions to Corpse Party and the only way to consume it without getting too much into the franchise. It doesnt touch too much of the game's long lore.)

Two live actions (Cant say much because I havent watched it, but heard its not good as it takes the anime as source instead of the game and has less time. For context, the anime takes a 10 hour game and makes it into a 2 hour ova while the first live action uses an hour and a half. Dont know much about the second one.)

Also, for more context, there's more than one ghost children (main villain called Sachiko) trying to kill you. If you look at them in the eye in the games, you get wrong ends, which are like the equivalents of game over. Unless they're calmed down/appeased by bringing something they lost (spoilers, their tongues), you can interact with them normally.

But while enraged, they uh... kinda... dragged one of the protags at really fast speed. And she uh. Crashed into a wall. And became a mushy pile of a lot of organs. You actually see the pile in the first chapter, but dont know who it was until the second chapter. That's how violent they are. So yeah, uh. Do not recommend Belphie using corpses to sleep.

alsdflkasdfkj OH WOW.

Here I thought we were dealing with malevolent ghosts and not-living corpses lol. I was kinda imagining the corpses like the ones in Bloodborne where they're all like ragdoll mechanics or whatever and just sorta flop around. I just think Belphie would be like ah something soft okay good night.

But yeah if we're dealing with sentient corpses that can slam you into walls so hard you become mush, then someone had better keep Belphie away!

Oh man, I had no idea there was so much content! I can't decide if I'm fascinated by how unhinged it sounds or kind of wary... maybe a bit of both?

I usually like horror/ghost type stuff when it comes to video games and anime, but not so much live action situations. It's like it's too real or something and then I get all freaked out about it. Me and scary movies are generally not a good combo. I cannot begin to tell you how bad The Sixth Sense messed me up lol.

I might have to check out the anime, though. It certainly sounds interesting! And then I can check it out without committing myself to the games of which there seems to be multiple.

Thank you for the thorough explanation! My curiosity is piqued!

[climaxbattles]

vent dont read (unless the curiousity consumes you i guess. if you know me personally it might suck)

i havent been able to leave the house since may and it seems like every day i get worse and worse

i just cant deal with anything i dont know why

i dont go outside, i cant be alone, i cant even eat too fast/slow or i just like completely freak out

i started therapy and this is the first time ive ever been hopeful about interacting with a therapist but i still kind of dread it every week. im not even sure its helping like maybe shorter sessions would be better but i use so much energy just getting through the day i cant communicate until its too late

i dont even understand what made this happen my only guess is that one of the medications i tried really messed me up (or i have a brain tumor or thyroid problem or something) because a few of them had really really terrible side effects and i almost had to go back to the hospital for the 3rd time in a year, but i dont get why im not getting better when i dont do anything and im not on those meds anymore.

and if it is physical i cant leave the house without panicking like. i dont know how else i would go anywhere to get it checked out unless it got so bad i had to call an ambulance again so they could lie me down and give me oxygen and turn all the lights off and hold my hand again but that also was like very traumatic so im afraid i would just completely break

my friend is over visiting and i havent seen her in forever bc she moved 4 hours away and i cant even bring myself to hang out with her because she brought her boyfriend and i already have problems talking to anyone but her even though i fucking live with her family and leech off them. so im just hiding in my room

i dont really talk to anyone much anymore and i dont even know if its Because i want to be left alone or if its something making me lonely/im upset about. it also kind of seems like people r moving on from me but that could be like entirely self inflicted bc one on one conversation terrified me even before and now i like have panic attacks if a breathe wrong let alone attempt something thats always scared me

i think like some of them maybe also have a seperate discord server i wasnt invited to. this happened literally months ago where i accidentally found out and its not really my business i guess. and i dont even rly know if its true or even used anymore

it just feels bad because i lost a friend of like 7 years and a friend i really related to but didnt know long because i took their side in multiple arguments and i dont regret the 2nd one but the first one kind of still sucks. the people i lost had a lot of their own problems that made them unpleasant but idk. the first person was kind of always open to talking to me even though we r both fucked up and wouldnt ignore me even when i sometimes would bc of my own problems

and then if there Is a second server thats kind of why the second person lost their shit. so its like Maybe they were right in a small way (they were completely fucked though they would like suicidebait randomly and ive never had any other friend do that so its still for the best i think)

it seems like i keep losing or pushing away good friends kind of. or maybe im bad at all friends idk. ive never enjoyed socializing so it seems like my fault probably

i honestly just wish i could get on food stamps and/or disability on top of medicaid but i think people are still insisting i can go back to the way i was before. idk if thats possible. i just want to be able to stop taking As much Directly from other people and maybe like. buy legos or a 3d printer or something. i dont have much to do in the house 24/7 and my computer is getting old. and i think the internet is making this all worse but thats like my only activity

im so tired

[personification-of-darkness]

i got told by a friend one time that it didnt matter if it took till i was 30 or even past that if i got to a place where i can do stuff as needed and not have to worry about all these things getting in the way and then some time later i get kicked out because i wasnt getting better fast enough to leave on my own.

i just. i get it. okay. i just. i do. thats what no one seems to understand. i do understand. okay i know you cant just do nothing and be okay and the fact that i dont have to worry about money for food since im not paying for rent here is just. i understand how lucky i am for all this. its not. a choice. to be like this. i have messed up and just done nothing in situations where i knew i needed to do sonething and had thought it through and jyst. didnt do the whole thing. and i still have no idea why because i wanted to i knew itd be bad if i didnt. i could do the thing considering i did part of it. but i just. didnt.

i cant. imagine continuing to live as something other than a punishment. thats all its been for years. why would someone willingly choose to get more resilient and able to handle and do more just to continue on when all that means is theres more pain. and everyones always talked like its so good to continue on but just. and i just. i dont want to survive through anything! okay i dont want to get in some freak car accident and drag myself for 12 hours with broken legs! i dont want to survive through anything! i dont want to have some unbreakable will to continue to live! and this sounds a lot like depression or whatever but its different from that it is i dont want to survive purely to suffer.i want to live. i want to have nice things. i want to not be afraid to go to sleep. i want tk be able to think about what ill do in the day without thinking about how every second time is passing and everything im doing is a waste. i want my default state to be resting and calm and peace not rocks grinding against eachother in my mind. i want my minds default state to not be spikes and shearing wind and darkness and cold.

i have never had any kind of calm peace ever. theres always been something going on my whole life and . i cannot believe in something j havent seen. i have never experienced wellness. so i cant believe it can exist for me. because i have no reason to believe it can happen. so continuing on into the future forever more is like telling someone youll put them in a prison cell where every five minutes they get jabbed by a spear. it sucks. and its horrible. and i want it to stop. i want to be something more than some sacrifical lamb thats just having its blood harvested forever.

its just. yes. there is the depression blah blah whatever. but theres also the clear mindedness that i get sometimes and it asks at what point is a life better off ended. and i dont know. i just. i wish i didnt have all this so i could actually rationally without feeling like a panicked animal in a trap wether its worth it to continue or not. to be able to genuinely calmly look at everything and decide that yes right now if everything stays relatively like this then itd be okay to go on for however long it may continue. i think once i can do that then ill know im okay

[coridallasmultipass]

Shit week tw mold

Im fucking screaming

I bought expensive ass lions mane to fry (ive only done this once before but it was so good) i bought expensive ass gluten free flour for this since i had to throw my old bags of flour out last summer (weevils attacked bc my mom isnt intolerant to regular wheat flour)

And now im like, okay, suck it up, youve got an injured back but we bought this fancy mushroom on wednesday and now we need to cook it (today is saturday, that's almost 4 days in my home fridge)

And i get everything set up, im about to spice the flour for breading and im like, wait. Check that the mushroom isnt totally gross (i could see it was drying out a little thru the carton slots, but i didnt look inside yet. Wouldve been fine if it was dry since i was frying it to dryness anyway)

And its got fucking mold. None of it is safe to eat, even if thats only a little mold.

Now i gotta put the flour back in the bag and cook an egg for lunch, since i cant put it back in the shell lmao

God why does this always happen to me, no matter what i do all my food goes bad before i can eat it. Ive been eating such low-effort foods for a while because i do not have the spoons to cook, and my back has been bad for a month (and went out on sunday).

This shit was expensive too. Mushrooms and flour were like $10 each. I just wanted something nice and fresh for a change, but apparently thats too much to ask when ur chronically physically and mentally ill

I dont even have another vegetable or anything to fry. Maybe a potato but that sounds gross to bread lmao. Ill just have an egg sandwich i guess!! Ugh.

On top of that its hard to eat fresh food when i cant close my teeth together. I liked getting watercress for sandwiches, but i cant bite it with my front teeth. I miss eating carrots with hummus but it hurts to eat hard vegetables because of the fibromyalgia around my teeth. Other vegetables take a lot of prep or have the same stringy quality i cant eat. Havent been able to bite things in half in a while because my teeth dont meet together in the front. Its already hard enough to try and eat sandwiches. This shit is just humiliating. Ughhhh.

I already have such bad anxiety about throwing food away, probably due to being forced to sit at the table and eat all my food as a kid. Im literally so fucking tempted to just cut the mold off rn. But im also scared of mold lmao. I have like aerophobia (fear of breathing in anything, not planes which is incorrect). I love mushrooms but spores freak me out. Ive forced myself to eat around mold before and it was really traumatizing and i dont like grapes anymore because of it (just anticipating the burst of moldy greenness every time i eat one bluhh)

I hate this so much lmao.

Someone needs to make a fridge that doesnt spoil food.

I need to stop buying fresh stuff. Its just a waste of money when i cant get to it in time. I really wish it didnt go bad so fast.

Hopefully when my teeth and jaw get fixed i can eat more fresh food

[wandering-doves]

16.04.2024

i asked a guy i've been interacting with on tumblr for like the last 8 months, if he wanted my number and boy do i regret it [but not for the reasons you may think]

so, as i mentioned we've been getting to know each other and messaging for like 8 months. i remember the first time he messaged me... it was completely random. he'd liked a couple of posts/reblogs and followed me before reaching out and sending a simple greeting. i was naturally very suspicious as it had been years since anyone had messaged me on tumblr and since it was so out of the blue, i was very cagey and cold. he persevered another 2 days before caging up himself when i asked for his name. then he dropped off for about a month. when he returned again, it was to apologise for clamming up. i told him not to worry as he was entitled to his privacy. and then he did something that really surprised me. he gave me his name and a little snippet of his story. he told me that he was feeling lonely and wanting to make friends and that he was going to try chatting to people on here again and sort of freaked out. i let him know that i understood, as i was also being cagey. once we both were on the same page, things were okay. we would checking in every now and then, ask basic getting to know you questions and chat about our day. i got more and more comfortable with the idea of him as a friend and opened myself up to him little by little. sometimes i would reach out to him and not receive a message back for months, bc he would take breaks from tumblr [i'm assuming for his mental health, which is understandable]. he would reply when he next came online and we would chat more. he ended up seeing what i looked like through my side blog and began complimenting me on my looks. occasionally, he would ask a sexual question and i would answer it as honestly as i could. [normally, i wouldn't tolerate that shit, but i was starting to like him.] his line of questioning got more personal as time went on and it felt like maybe we were connecting. so as the months progressed, naturally, i thought maybe i wasn't delusional and that he liked me for me [i sent him a full body pic and it was received relatively well, i think] so i thought that maybe he would be interested in continuing this outside of the confines of this website and decided to work up the courage to ask him if he wanted my number. this is where it goes wrong. he meets my question with a question and i start to think that this is already a bad start and maybe i misread the situation. am i wrong for thinking that a man who's called me pretty and cute and hot would want my number? am i? well apparently, because he never ended up saying yes. this felt as good as rejection and immediately the walls came up and i started being short with him. I even wrote "i'll take that as a no then" to which he replied some bullshit like "i twasn't a no at all" and all i could think was "yeah but it wasn't a yes either", which is as good as imo. he wanted an explanation for why i wanted this bc he always assumed he was bugging me [which btw is another thing i want to touch on. in the past, he has mentioned feeling like he bugs me quite often and i thought i'd been doing enough to let him know that that was simply not the case but ofc that was his reasoning this time too] and i explained that i liked talking to him and wanted to respect the time he takes off from tumblr bc ik it can be disruptive and it was met with an "im sorry if..." and that shit makes my blood boil so i havent responded back to him. it's been over 24 hours since he replied to me. i spent that afternoon absolutely bawling my eyes out. then i spent the evening upset too. i was having big feelings, for sure and couldn't deal with them. i feel maybe i was too harsh but he was too.

anyway, i've been listening to sad music and crying abt anything and everything lmao...