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naylar-draws · 6 years ago

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She Giggled: Meta-textual Shit About That Time Merlin Flirted With an Underage Girl

So anyways, y’all know that scene? The one people really hate where Merlin flirts with Claire? When I first saw that scene, it made me really uncomfortable, and I had a hard time pinning down why. So I was thinking about that instead of sleeping and now I’m writing this instead of sleeping.

Disclaimer: This isn’t Merlin hate discourse or some shit. I know there’s been discourse about the hate train and this whole rant/analysis has nothing to do with it. I do my best to stay out of fandom discourse and I ain’t gonna ruin my streak because of a crusty old animated dude. If you’re looking for hate, it ain’t here. If you’re looking for analysis on a particular scene in the context of Trollhunters being a fictional text created by real people, then welcome friend. I also know this is an art blog, but I have other hobbies too dammit.

Anywho here’s my humble opinion/analysis on the scene and why it failed: (roughly 1300 word rant/analysis under the cut)

Objectively, it’s gross: an old man flirting with an underaged girl, referring to her as a “lovely creature”, touching her in a non-platonic way etc. these are behaviors that, in real life, shouldn’t be acceptable. These are behaviors that I can say from personal experience are not pleasant to be on the receiving end of. These are also behaviors that women experience regularly and are often told that they have to put up with. Stay with me I’m going more in depth.

So why is the scene within the show unbearable? I’d say because of the in-text reaction to it. (Now I don’t have Netflix this month so I’m going from memory and can’t pull up screenshots bear with me) The response that draws the most attention is Claire’s giggle. She giggles in response. She appears shy at first, Merlin walks up to her and gently lifts her chin, and her response is positive.

Now, one could assume that she was laughing out of nervousness. I could relate to that. The times when I was underage and being hit on by significantly older men, my first reaction was to giggle or chuckle politely, do nothing to upset them, and then extricate myself from the situation however I could. However that’s irl and my being uncomfortable existed with or without any external observation. Trollhunters is a fictional text whose job is to communicate everything it wants to to the viewer. Anything it does not communicate does not tangentially exist. That means that if the creative team indeed intended to have Claire’s giggle be one of discomfort, it would be their job to communicate it to the viewer via cinematography, her body language, dialogue, or an extra scene where she discloses her feelings on Merlin’s actions, that she did feel uncomfortable. All it would take would be a nervous side glance and a brief close-up shot of her face or something of the like. However, the scene only displays her reaction as a surface level giggle, which portrays a positive reaction.

The other reactions in the scene are Jim, Toby, Aaarrrgghh, and Blinky’s. The issue here is that they don’t react. None of the characters bat their eyes at this. Now there’s that screenshot that I’ve seen going around where Blinky is looking at Merlin with indignation while the wizard is ugh caressing her chin. The point being made, partially in jest, is that Blinky’s angry about it just like the viewer. But that screenshot is actually slightly out of context. During that part, Blinky was reacting to something Merlin had said that was entirely unrelated to the inappropriate behavior. Someone could say that maybe the Trolls don’t know about such human customs and that’s why they didn’t bat an eye, and Toby and Jim are uncomfortable but don’t feel like they’re able to speak up or some manner of such. But, again, nothing in the text shows or says this. Again, all it would take would be a shot of a nervous glance. If you assume that one of the characters did indeed feel discomfort, then feel free to assume it, idc. But at that point it’s a headcanon. And headcanons, while they can make canon more fun, are by no means a way of dismissing canon of the roles it failed to fulfill, or absolving it of issues with its content.

Okay, but maybe someone would say that you don’t need characters to tell the viewer what’s right or wrong. Obviously, the scene was meant to show Merlin as the unsavory sort and somehow also comment on society’s intentional obliviousness to the lighter forms of sexual harassment. To which I would respond by saying that if that were the case, then the creative team would have to communicate that message if not by the characters, then by the cinematography. For instance, a change in shot composition, lighting, camera movement, or by the sound design or the background music. To which that scene has none of that. It is something that happens and then is immediately forgotten about, no significance whatsoever is added to the part where Merlin flirts with an underage girl in the context of the episode or overall show.

If the creative team intended to comment on Merlin’s specific actions of flirting with Claire, then they failed, and it did not make it into the finished product.

People might also say that it’s fine because Merlin, a fictional character created by a group of people, is from the middle ages, and during that time Claire would have been considered an adult. This is an argument I have multiple problems with that I will not get into, but first of all, the show does not communicate this. If they really wanted to address the social changes Merlin has to adapt to, the creative team would have had Toby and Jim onscreen explain to Merlin that 18 is now the age of adulthood, slavery is no longer okay, and equal rights are a thing. Also on a storytelling level, they would need a way to juxtapose Merlin’s way of thinking with another character’s or by cinematography to show that the characters who grew up in modern times don’t think underage flirting is okay like he does. Which I’ve already established did not happen.

So at the end of the day, what does Trollhunters have to say about Merlin, an old man, flirting with an underage girl and, urk, gently lifting her chin like a goddamned creep if in its text all it has is non-reactions, no commentary, and a single positive reaction? Well, perhaps not an endorsement of, but most certainly an unintentional normalization of such an action.

And you know what, who cares? Right? Its just a random kids show. Why did I write all this down? Well, partially because I’m a film buff who over-analyzes fictional texts on my free time. But also because this is just a minor example of how fiction reflects even the less than savory aspects of our society. The creative team of Trollhunters probably didn’t see an issue with Merlin flirting with an underage girl, or if they did, it wasn’t a large enough one that is was removed from the finished product. And also, because this is a very good example of the greater issues of the show. Specifically why Merlin breeds so much hate: because the text of the show does not do enough to comment on his moral ambiguity (he is framed as a morally gray good guy who “looks at the bigger picture”, but not all of his eh, less than savory actions are addressed and it leaves viewer feeling as though some of those behaviors are then seen as normal which can leave a really icky feeling [see the Philadelphia Story to get more of those nasty feelings]). Also the fact that while the show is not overtly sexist, it is most definitely filtered through a, eh hum, slightly uninformed male gaze. Only uninformed males (and maybe some females with internalized sexism) would assume that an underage girl would have a positive reaction to an old man calling her a “lovely creature” and gently lifting her chin and leaning over her so the old man is effectively looming over her and ugh why did it have to be like that. (If people are interested I’ll do an analysis on Trollhunters and gender ‘cause boy do I have things to say about gender and sexual dimorphism in this show)

PS to anyone who says that the creators are just waiting to address these issues in Wizards, no film maker worth their salt would intentionally do that, what the heck? who wants to deliberately make a children’s show and add an underage flirting scene and then just leave it unaddressed for years like jesus mcfeezus I would worry about more than their capabilities as a showrunner

#Trollhunters #tales of arcadia #analysis #trollhunter analysis #claire nunez #merlin #essay #words? on my art blog??#I actually really like this show #like i know i just spent too many words criticizing it bu that's love baby #ask me why strickler should have died (like from a storytelling standpoint)#so yeah in depth analysis is just like a thing i do

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teawiththegods · 6 years ago

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Hi mom!! Sorry for causing discourse I was just curious :\ Anyways how are you??? I'm good didn't do much today but later I'm gonna write some and start my writing book later!! Also quick question can I dedicate the act of writing my book to Poseidon?? Love you!! -Charlie

Hello, my sweet darling!! No worries! None of that was your fault and it’s all good now anyway!

I’m doing really good! Working hard on my podcast mostly. I kind of feel like i’m back in college with all the research im doing, taking notes, and trying to put it all together into a script. Though at least this is fun and not at all weighing on my self worth like college did.

I think it’s great you’re putting all this time and effort into your writing!! When i was a teenager writing helped me so much! I wrote stories and poems all the time to explain all the things I was feeling. I even wrote a poem about Apollo and Hyacinthus! So regardless of what you plan on doing with it, it’s a great creative outlet!

And yes you can absolutely dedicate the act of writing to Poseidon! I’m sure he’d love that!

Love you too!! <333

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lenavonschweetz · 7 years ago

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Deep End

Loki x S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Reader

Synopsis: You don’t trust Loki. You hate Loki, everything he stands for, and everything he does. You are not becoming friends with him. And you are most definitely not falling in love with him.

Warnings: tiny D.C. Cross over (whaaaat?) Talk of Mental Health/Distress, Depression, Angst, fluff, lil bit of Avengers Hate, Mind Control, foreshadowing of Infinity War (no spoilers though) that is tied in from the original Avengers film.

A/N: This doesn’t really follow the MCU timeline. I guess pretend that Odin got desperate and gave Loki to the Midguardians to handle for a bit while he caught up on that #OdinSleep. Also, I saw a post a while back that really inspired this fic. You should definitely check it out (and keep in mind that the blue and green eye color shifts in this fic are on purpose) As always, I have no Beta. (If anyone wants to be my Beta, I would love you FOREVER) Let me know of any mistakes and I’ll fix them.

A/N/N: MY FIRST LOKI FIC!!! Not sure how I feel about it, but it’s my first time exploring writing Loki as a character and I wanted to focus more on that than a huge, exhausting plot. And it’s a beast. over 4,000 words (and an unnecessarily excessive amount of gifs)

You didn’t want to admit it.

You didn’t want to give him the power he so desperately wanted.

Yet here you were, handing it to him on a silver platter.

Loki Laufeyson was a snake, always has been, always will be. But he knew who he was, which was more than you could say for yourself.

When the Avengers first brought him to your branch of S.H.I.E.L.D., you told everyone what a bad idea this was. But no one listened. Of course they didn’t. Instead, they followed the advice of the foolish bunch that made up the team. You didn’t understand how their words held so much weight. They were people just like you, they made mistakes (a lot of mistakes) but because they were some overpowered assholes people bent to their whims left and right.

No one heeded what you had to say.

So when things started going wrong around the base, you had to bite your tongue from saying “I told you so!” Nothing too extreme, no deaths or injuries, but you could tell the trickster was trying to amuse himself somehow. You gathered that being held captive wasn’t exactly entertaining.

Loki’s magic was far stronger than any cage you could keep him in, that you knew for sure. What you didn’t understand was why he didn’t just break out. He could be free if he really wanted to, and you and your people wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop him.

You’d heard terrible things about him, about what’d he’d done both on your world and his own. How he gleefully tortured humans before he was brought to justice in New York. How he took advantage of his brother’s exile and all but doomed Asgard. How, on many different occasions, he’d even tried to kill his brother and father. Not his mother though... that bit stumped you. There was definitely a monster painted in your mind when it came to Loki.

So when those great buffoons brought the Prince of Asgard to your people, your walls immediately shot up. You prepared for day one to be absolute hell, having to wrangle Loki into a cell and keep him from trying anything.

Instead, what you got what a husk of a man, grey and weary, who was shoved unceremoniously into a cell to rot. Everyone was ready to forget him.

A luxury you wish you shared.

But when you saw those sunken eyes and broken man, you wondered how the hell this was the infamous Chitauri leader who practically leveled New York City. Something about him wouldn’t let you be. Something about him begged to be discovered and damn it, you were never one to turn away from a mystery.

And a mystery he was.

Every time you saw him, you saw a different shadow of a man. Sometimes he would terrify you, his smile stretching across his face in genuine enjoyment when he unsettled someone. Others, he wept - openly, not giving a damn who saw him. You couldn’t figure him out and it infuriated you.

Your superiors weren’t happy when you all but demanded to be assigned to Loki’s charge. In fact, they were downright pissed. Accused you of having some sick fascination with the murderous trickster. ‘We don’t need another situation like Gotham.’ They hissed, and that was the last of that. In your defense, you were never really good with authority.

But you were not Dr. Quinzel. You didn’t lust after this man, or love him.

You hated him and you wanted to figure out what made him tick. That way you could crush him just like he’d crushed your world.

You’re careful as you try to weasel your way through the system and get yourself reassigned. Lucky you, a rookie agent is overjoyed at the chance to get out of Loki’s charge. He thinks you’re insane, but he doesn’t need to be asked twice.

You bide your time, exchanging small favors with the high ups of the department. An overlooked disappearance here, a waived debt there. You didn’t like it, but it was a means to an end.

And it was all worth it when you were finally placed as Chief Observation of the operation - in charge of keeping an eye and ear on Loki at almost all times. The increased personal time between the two of you gives you plenty of time to notice strange ticks and inconsistencies in the Trickster’s behavior. Even inconsistencies in his appearance.

You think you’re imagining it at first. That it’s a trick of the light when his eyes sometimes look blue, sometimes green. Sometimes his skin even looks duller than usual...almost, a sickly blue... You write it off as some of his distasteful magic tricks.

Your first several exchanges are useless. An angry man throwing out hateful words. He goads you, giving you absolutely nothing when you ask your questions, slowly trying to ease your way in.

Over the weeks your strained relationship doesn’t become any less hostile, but the routine seems to offer you both some sense of comfort. On days you don’t have an encounter with him, you find yourself feeling a little out of sorts.

Even though he says horrid, dehumanizing things...days without his presence seem...odd.

You attribute it to his (probable) magic use on you.

The first time he shows you even an ounce of kindness, you’re shocked. You don’t know how to take it, analyzing it from an emotionless standpoint - the one you’d trained so hard on. What was his motive? Did he think he could butter you up, get you on his side with false promises and Asgardian chivalry? If he thought he had a read on you, he had another thing coming.

Passing months make your relationship feel odd. You don’t like each other, that much is evident. But you tolerate each other. One could say you even look forward to your time together.

Maybe it’s a sick perversion.

As time goes on, however, you worry that perhaps you understand him, maybe even identify with him. You quickly shove that revelation to the side, doubling down on your combat training to work off some of the stress.

“It’s good to see you, pet,” Loki says, voice soft and pleasant. You wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but you did prefer days when he seemed softer. Not just his tone of voice, but even the way he carried himself. He didn’t seem so...sharp.

You had to put your guard up on high for days like these.

“Goodmorning, Loki.” You greet, wearing a small smile. The one he returns makes your heart flutter makes you suspicious. “How was breakfast?”

“Tasteless, barely fit to be called a meal, but sustenance none the less.” There doesn’t seem to be any malice in his words, but you won’t let him get the better of you. A chuckle, mirthful, not aggressive. “As usual.” Something changes in his face then. A flicker of movement in his eyes, sorrow on his face. “I’m glad you’re here.” He whispers. “I wanted to talk to you.”

You wait with bated breath, unable to place the note in Loki’s voice that sounds as if he’s about to break.

“About?”

“I’m sorry.”

You’re not expecting that. To be honest, you don’t even know what he’s apologizing for, but you’re not sure if he’s ever said those words in his entire life.

“I...I have said things that...done things.” He struggles with the word. The way he gulps down his nerves is audible. “Vile things. Know that I am not typically all that loathsome. Though I do not deny that I do have perhaps a little too much fun with discourse.” His smile is genuine, shy, and small. It takes him a moment to go on. “I do not deserve your forgiveness. I know it’s strange and unrequited - not like that -” He tacks on when you raise an eyebrow. “But I have come to consider you...a friend.”

No. No no no no no no no no no. You should not. You do not feel the same. Feeling the same is a slippery slope, and you were. not. Harleen. Quinzel. You would remain strong. You would not fall victim to those beautiful green eyes and bad boy attitude. You. would. not.

“I do consider you a friend, Loki.” Well, you tried.

You do your best to convince yourself that you’re lying to him, feigning friendship as a manipulation tactic. It doesn’t help that he’s smiling at you like that.

You know it’s a lie.

So does he.

It still keeps you up at night.

“Goodmorning, Agent X.” That sick smile crossed a pale, hardened face. So it was one of those days.

“You know that’s not my name, Loki.” You say as a way of greeting. he merely shrugs, shackles clinking quietly against the desk where he was tethered.

“I know. But why would I bother to learn the name of someone so abysmally insignificant when I can just call you whatever I’d like?”

“Charming.”

“I try, pet.” You hate when he calls you ‘pet’ on his worse days. It taints the memory of how affectionately he says it on his good days.

Sighing and rolling your eyes, you sit down opposite him and do your best to avoid eye contact. It was an action that you deemed unwise when he was in this mood.

“Alright, your majesty,” you begin with a stabbing smirk of your own. The title brings a fire to those blue eyes. One you try to ignore. “Let’s get to it then, shall we?”

“Yes, let’s. Tell me, pet, how do you want me? On the floor, against the wall?” He licks his lips, blue eyes drinking in every inch of you in your too tight tactical gear. “On the table?”

“I’d rather compliant.” He tsks at that, cocking his head to the side with an infuriating smirk.

“Well, I’m normally the one in control, but I must say the thought of a woman like you dominating this whole...squabble is quite enticing. Especially when you choose to keep me bound like this.”

“Get your head out of the gutter, Trickster, before I remove it for you and then shove it up your own ass.” The smirk does not disappear, in fact, it grows wider. You ignore it. “New York. I assume I don’t have to elaborate?”

“But I do so love it when you drone on and on,” Loki says, sarcasm dripping off every word. “The sound of your voice does so arouse my interest.”

“Yeah, and yours does so quash mine.” You snap back, voice mocking in a different way than his. “Loki. New York. Your take over. We still have agents missing, and I aim to find them. The ones you controlled and otherwise.”

“Well, my dear, might I suggest going to check where this all began? I do think it would be quite obvious, no? Tell me, did you bother to check the rubble.” Your teeth gnash, your jaw clenching, and you so desperately try to hide your fury from him. It does not go unnoticed. “As for the ones I controlled, what is it you humans typically do with a beast of burden who has outlived its usefulness.”

Metal screeching against metal echos through the interrogation chamber as you violently push your chair away from the table. Loki doesn’t even flinch when you slam your hands down to hold your shaking body up.

“God damn it, you sick sonofabitch, where. is. my. sister?” Tears burn at the corners of your eyes, threatening to fall over. The tighter you clench your jaw the less it seems to help.

“Oooh. It finally comes out.” His voice is a snarl, balanced and timed perfectly. “The thing you’ve been dying to know since we met a year ago, yes? I’ve seen it, you know? The utter need to hear the answer, the truth. Listen to me very carefully, pet.” His voice is chilling, his power looming over you without him even having to move a muscle. “You will not raise your voice to me again. I am a god, and I will not be threatened by a meager Midgardian who I could crush if I so wished. Just like I did your sister. Now, shall we try that again?”

You want nothing more than to punch that sickening grin off of his sharp, pale face. It takes everything you have not to, and then some to gather your composure. You can’t look him in the eyes, not after that, ot while you have to clench your fists to keep from choking him to death. Finally, you feel like you can speak without breaking.

“I hope you enjoy your stay, Loki. Because you'll get no more kindness from me.”

“And here I thought things were going to get boring.”

You don’t speak to Loki for weeks.

You don’t go to visit him either. The last exchange has left you so livid that you even change his meal schedule, only letting the guards feed him once a day now. Perhaps it was cruel. But nowhere near half as cruel as what he had done.

Your routine shifts, something you’d secretly been dreading. Your entertaining, albeit unorthodox, company leaves a hole in your life that you find difficult to fill.

The change affects Loki as well, though he wouldn’t tell the peons you’ve sent him in your stead. No, instead he would suffer in silence.

And suffer he did.

A darkness that he hadn’t known for a while, not since you began to visit him a year ago, begins to creep back into his consciousness. It darkens his days, keeps him up at night - though the tears may be the real cause of his sleeplessness.

A sickly sweet voice haunts his dreams and even his waking hours. The lure of power and revenge. Of acceptance. He fights it as best he can. He hadn’t completely shaken it before, that he knew.

And he regretted it more than anything.

He hated the days when that darkness made him that much more foul. Of course, he was never aware of it in the morning. No, instead he would wake up the next day, sometimes even days later, with the memory of your face as he hurled something particularly nasty your way. The image would haunt him, and it took everything he had not to cry when you came to see him again.

But now those visits had stopped, and it becomes harder and harder for Loki to pull himself out of his abyss.

Odin did not want him, he was not worthy of a throne, or affection from his people or even his own brother. He did not belong, he never did. The only time he felt like he was wanted was with this putrid force manipulating his mind.

He’s losing himself again and the only person who’s been able to find him again is gone.

You have no patience. You’ve reached the end of your rope. It was your day off, yet here you were, stomping into the base because Loki was throwing a fit.

The god of mischief was throwing a temper tantrum. And you were, apparently, the only one he would let into his cell without hurling some projectile at them.

You hear his screaming in the corridor long before you see him, your heart hammering painfully at the sound of utter agony in his voice. The guards outside his cell raise their eyebrows at you, obviously not impressed with that fact that you were the one he asked for demanded. When you pass through the first measure of security to get a glimpse of him through the two-way mirror, your heart breaks at what you see.

Loki is huddled on the floor, debris of the furnishings S.H.I.E.L.D. had so generously provided after you kept pestering asking them strewn all around him. He’s covered in blood, sweat, and tears - literally - and for the first time in a long time, you feel bad for Loki. Finally, his thrashing ceases and he slumps against the wall behind him, falling silent.

At least he seems to be done screaming.

“Are you going to act like a big boy now, Mr. All Powerful God, or should I come back later after you’ve decided to grow up?”

The answer to your biting sarcasm is silence. Loki doesn’t even bother to glance at the glass (which you know he can definitely see through with those powers of his.)

After several more moments of silence, you relent, scanning your badge and inputting your fingerprint and code to enter the Trickster’s quarters. He’s silent when you enter, the only sound in the room is his heavy breathing as he attempts to recover from his tantrum. Still, his eyes are trained on something invisible in front of him, something dancing behind those haunted eyes.

“What was so damn important that you had to go destroying your room over. S.H.I.E.L.D. is not going to replace this, by the way. I hope you enjoy your redecorating.” You stand there for several, tense minutes, as unmoving as the man in front of you. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, you can take no more. “Well, Loki? What do you have to say for yourself?”

When he still doesn’t answer, you scoff and turn on your heels to make a hasty retreat.

“I didn’t kill your sister.”

His voice is so quiet, so broken, that you have to take a moment to figure out if he’d actually spoken or if you were hearing things.

“Excuse me?”

“I didn’t kill your sister. Though my intentions with her and other agents’ skills were less than admirable, I did not hurt them.”

“Alright,” your voice wavers far more than you would like. “So you didn’t hurt a small group of people. And though I can...appreciate that you didn’t hurt my flesh and blood, you still killed hundreds. Possibly thousands.”

“I know.” You had expected him to sound cocky. Not like a small child. “I am not claiming I’m worthy of any sort of redemption. I deserve it here. But I had to tell you. I did not hurt your sister. And if I could, I would tell you where she is.”

“And why can’t you?” Your voice fills the small chamber as you scream at Loki. His green eyes come up to meet the fire in your own.

“It’s...difficult to explain.”

“Try me.”

“I don’t remember where she is. Only that the last time I saw her and the other agents there were safe.”

“Well then, where did you last see them?” You press.

“That’s the problem. I can’t remember.”

“How do you forget something like that?”

“Because I wasn’t the one who abandoned them! It was me, but then again it wasn’t. I don’t know how to - it’s all turned upside down in - It’s because of him. He found me. After I’d been...denounced by my father.”

“Who found you?”

“Thanos.” You’re not quite sure why, but the name sends nausea straight through you. Perhaps it’s the way even Loki seems to fear it. “He gave me an offer...one I could not refuse, but then you can’t really refuse anything when your mind isn’t your own now, can you?” His laugh is forced, hollow, and you find yourself missing his true laughter as his words sink in.

“Agent Barton.” You surmise. “You controlled him with your scepter...you got the scepter from Thanos...”

“Correct.”

“Did...Loki, did the scepter control you?”

His answer lies in the shame he exudes when he can’t bring himself to look at you.

“Not...entirely. He offered me what I wanted. I am sorry to say that I...took his offer with no hesitation. It wasn’t until after he accentuated my desires that I realized I was...changing. I was not...myself. I know I’m no saint, pet, but I’ve seen what Thanos wants. It makes even me sick.”

“How can I trust you, Loki?”

“You can’t. But I trust you.”

You scoff at the sentiment, trying to ignore the tears that collect in the corners of your eyes.

“This is just another bunch of your lies. I don’t have to listen to it anymore.” You have to get out of here. You’re powerless to him and his magic. Powerless to his charms. He was trying to manipulate you, nothing more.

“Pet,”

“Stop trying to control me, Loki!” You screech, turning on him as your hand finds its way to the holster on your hip. Green eyes follow the movement, flicking away from your fingers resting on the butt of your gun back to your intense gaze. He’s calm. He knows you won’t shoot him. The thought makes you even angrier. “Plead all you want, but I am not falling for your - your mind control again!”

“I would never do that to you!” You’re terrified for a moment, unable to keep from jumping at Loki’s sudden outburst. Around you, debris flies out ward. Some of the wooden furniture intact from his last fit splinter against the wall. Instinct takes over as metal and woods scream around you, and before you can register what’s happening, your gun is trained right on Loki. His red-rimmed eyes absolutely bore into you and a wet sob breaks from his throat. “I have never done that to you.” Tears. Actual tears roll down Loki’s cheeks, his voice cracking with sorrow. “I would never put anyone through the torment that still haunts me.”

You holster your gun, and not even you can pretend its because of Loki’s magic. You do this of your own free will.

Your legs have a mind of their own, moving before you can even register what’s happening. Kneeling, you reach for him and for the very first time, you touch him. His cheek is cold, his tears even colder as you wipe them away from his smooth skin. Those haunted green eyes find your own and you have to swallow the emotion welling in your throat.

“I still feel it sometimes.” He pants, reaching up to hold your hand against his cheek. His eyes flutter shut at the comfort it brings. “It scratches at my mind until I give in from the pain. I can’t control it, I don’t know which way is up or who anyone is - who I am. But you...” His brow furrows - a tension that you brush away with comforting fingers. As you lovingly caress his skin, his eyes find you once more. “You, Y/N, you calm the storms within my head.” You realize in that moment that Loki has never called you anything other than pet, or Agent.

His cool hands close around your hand placed on his cheek, bringing your knuckles to brush against his chapped, cracked lips. Unable to hold them back any longer, your tears fall free with a shuttering breath. Loki’s face is kind, gentle, as he reaches forward with his free hand to brush your tears away as you had his. You’re lost in his eyes, in the cool, pale expanse of his chilled skin, the way your hands feel so good against each other’s skin.

It isn’t until some stray wire behind you (displaced by his earlier outburst) sparks loudly, illuminating the bags under Loki’s gorgeous eyes that you suddenly remember where you are. Grievously, you pull your hand away from him and sit back on your haunches across from him.

“Loki...we...we can’t. They’ll take me off your charge, or worse - detain us both. I cannot be another Dr. Qui-”

“I would never ask that of you. I don’t deserve you. You have my word, that I will do everything in my power to fight Thanos’ spell and I will find your sister, my love.” He reaches forward once more, his knuckles brushing briefly against your cheek. A forbidden touch. One to help him hold off from more. “But a friendship. A helping hand. Help me become the man I was before all this. Please. Help me to be better than that.” He smiles remorsefully. “Maybe then, if I am given a second chance...maybe we can try. All I ask of you now is to just be here. Calm my storms, pet.”

“I can try.”

“I could never ask for more.” You regard him as you stand and proceed toward the door. The two of you share one last glance for now, one that is free from any masks or malice. The only thing you see in Loki’s eyes in affection and trust. Something you’re sure is reflected right back at him in your own eyes.

“Loki, you wouldn’t need to ask.”

You didn’t wanted to admit it.

You didn’t wanted to give him the power love he so desperately wanted needs.

And here you are, handing it to him on a silver platter. And he was doing exactly the same for you.

(please be gentle. It’s my first time with Loki (lol) and I know it was underwhelming. Thanks for reading anyway!)

TAGS:

TRUE LOVE TAGS:

@bxtchybrie , @sergeantjamesbarnes107th , @itsanotheravengersimaginesblog, @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme , @james-bionic-barnes , @mickeyl322 , @stank-tower , @lostinspace33 , @thecrownedrose , @nikkitia7 , @redroomproperty , @magpiegirl80 , @fifi1433 , @knittingknerdy , @specs15 , @justareader , @metalarmandredstar , @agentsofcap , @marvel-lucy , @pickylittlebitch , @shamvictoria11 , @twistedfate108 , @tori-medusa-belongs-to-bucky , @too-many-fandoms-and-shitposting, @allinhishands , @hellomissmabel , @mizzzpink , @smexy-bucky-waifu , @annwhojumps , @avengerofyourheart , @saffreelove , @palaiasaurus64 , @flowercrownsandmetallicarms , @sexyvixen7 , @armenian-nerd, @thiddlestoff, @callingmrsbarnes , @avengebuckybarnes , @splaine-to-me , @to-be-a-sunshine , @heismyhunter , @miladycollie , @4theluvofall , @sebastianbarnesandchrisrogers , @writingourwildestemodreams , @imadandelion-yourearose, @sebbymylove16, @harrysbbby, @italyand5soslover283, @gingerbatchwife,@httpbarnes, @subtletynotwithstanding, @panickingwiththefalloutboys, @hardcorehippos, @ryverpenrad, @stellarfairie, @nativesebby, @violentlyfarts, @dianelogan, @mrtinslydia, @ladylizzieofdarbyshire, @unidentifiedanonfics, @microscopicmonsters, @elohunnie, @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x

Loki Lovers:

@boobearlover2469, @notthegodofknives, @mayamegs, @unicornsxfandoms, @boohooiamthefool, @mdgrdians, @fvckingromantic, @orighami

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dangoghz · 8 years ago

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legitimate advice for new phandom blogs

hey !! so i know sometimes posts like ‘RULES FOR THE PHANDOM XD’ are made and they’re all like “numba one. dan is a squishy bean respect this uwu” but this isn’t gonna be like that lol. im just going to list a few actual things that might help people new to the phandom learn about and become integrated into the community! of course these aren’t ‘rules’ and u dont have to listen to any of it ofc,,, im not here to control ur blog, just here to say what people normally do. feel free to rb whether u are a new blog or not, ill appreciate it either way!

(NOTE: PLS TELL ME IF ANY OF THE LINKS DONT WORK AND ILL FIX THEM PERIODICALLY!)

italicized text is defined in the glossary at the bottom!

1. be interactive!

here, unique to our corner of timmy darn communism, we have a lot of like virtual traditions that everyone knows. these help you to make friends and also grow ur blog with some new mutuals. here are some examples.

networks: networks, or nets, are a sort of selective gc, usually with a theme or concept that it’s based around, in which all who wish to be part of fill out an application form that determines whether they get in. this is kinda the one with the most work, as u also have to make a group blog and info post, but it’s definitely worth it. i have made my closest friends in nets (such as @phleurnet which i birthed), and a lot of people on here would say the same. if you want to know more or apply, my friend diana runs an update blog @phandomnets! (examples, these are all open btw: x x x)

meetups: meetups are not in real life, don’t worry. a meetup is when someone organizes a specific time at which we all post thing around a certain theme! for instance, on halloween on tuesday, my friend milo hosted a halloween meetup. usually people post selfies but if u are uncomfortable with that, u can post art, music, or anything else related to the theme. a blog called @phandommeetupwatch keeps track of these! (examples, all happening soon/just happened: x x x)

follow forevers: a follow forever is a big celebration post when u reach a follower count milestone, no matter 50 or 5k. u tag all of the blogs you love, and they reblog it to appreciate u! it’s really positive and shows people how their work has paid off. usually people are tagged in alphabetical order, and sometimes people bold their favorites but the stylization is up to u. (recent examples: x x x)

milestone activities: sometimes people do things for their followers when they reach a follower count that involves their followers requesting something! there are many many forms of this type of thing. a common one is blog rates, in which there is a set template and the blogger rates each blog that sends in an ask using the template (info post ex: x; rate ex: x). there are also url edits (x), name/url moodboards (x), and more. u can certainly come up w an idea of ur own, being creative is great!

talk to people: that’s right dude!!! ye!!! u can message a blog u think is cool, or send an ask if u think something they made or are talking about is interesting, or add something sweet in the tags (more on etiquette later) when u rb their post. additionally, sometimes people stir up discourse, and u should participate in it if u want (past discourse examples: x x). u can also send asks when people reblog ask games, which are a list of questions with a theme (new one of mine ex: x).

2. play around with your blog!

customizing your blog can start giving you what we call a branding, making you distinguished from other bloggers. this can include everything from as simple as using an icon to coding your own about page.

themes: a blog can be way more appealing if it is aesthetically pleasing. admittedly, i often follow people just because of the smoothness of their mobile theme. a mobile theme is rather easy to construct as u can do it on ur own with a phone. it is how ur blog looks on a phone. although u don’t have to do this, i recommend sticking to two to four colors on ur theme and avoiding stuffing it with a lot of bright things because it can distract from content. additionally, bloggers often make their descriptions short and succinct. (my fav mobiles: x x x.) on a pc, your blog theme can be customized completely on html, meaning there is a lot of freedom. u don’t have to learn to code for this, bc u can find free themes anywhere, just search ‘free tumblr themes’ on google. once again, be creative, but u shouldn’t overload. (my fav pcs: x x x.)

about pages: in order to avoid chunky descriptions but still let people know the key deets about themselves, bloggers create about pages. sometimes these bout pages are uncoded but u can also use html code if u want to. some common things in an about page are interests, maybe personality types/horoscopes/hogwarts houses, original content, and links to other social media. (examples: x x x)

urls: urls are a key part of your blog’s brand. ‘rebranding’ is what people say if they change their url! if u are tired or bored with your url, changing it is an opportunity to change your theme and other parts of ur blog as well. (url change ex: x).

saved urls: saved urls are basically when bloggers hoard sideblogs in order to reserve the urls used for them. if you ever encounter a blank blog that has ‘saved’ as its title, that’s probably it. sometimes people like to give away their urls, either as a constant thing (ex: x) or by doing a url giveaway (x). either way, it’s a good opportunity to change it up!

tags: in order to keep their blog cleancut and organized, a lot of bloggers have special tags for certain people, certain topics, and/or certain types of media. many people in the phandom particularly have tags for dan and phil that match (strawberries and cream, lune and sole, etc). if they have many of these tags, there can be a page for their tags on their blog. this page can be coded with special html or just a regular tumblr page, it doesn’t really matter. but it’s very useful for those who visit your blog, and makes it easy for u to navigate older posts as well! (examples: x x x)

3. learn to make og content!

producing original content helps you establish what your strengths are and why people should follow you. it also allows u to contribute to the fanbase, and gives u a chance of being noticed by dnp! and the validation is lovely. there are many options if u want to make something.

gifs: gifs are an ART here in the phandom, and its mechanisms still perplex me to this day bc ive never tried it. u probably already know what a gif is, but if not, its essentially a short animation made in photoshop that repeats. gifmakers are often distinguished by a unique coloring (example gifmakers: x x x), such as my friend emily’s smooth dark blue tint (x). it can be a long process to learn how to gif but it is very rewarding in the end, from what i’ve heard. (tutorials: x x)

art: there is a very wide range of phanartists, all with such talents, either digital or traditional, that you can draw inspirations from for your own work. you can make cartoons, comics, realism, abstract, nsfw even, or any mix (or none) of the former. artists on tumblr definitely deserve more attention than they get here on tumblr, so be sure to show appreciation towards them! (my fav artists: x x x)

edits: edits are the Graphic Designs of our community and are usually very aesthetically pleasing. they can be centered around a certain event, like a video or something dnp made, or just for fun. the more practice you get making them, the more dexterous u’ll become. they can be a great tool if u like the design aspect of art but don’t want to actually draw. (edit makers: x x)

icons: icons are just the little profile picture that u can insert for ur blog. it’s really easy and fun to make them, kind of like a lazy version of edits. you can make them using photoshop or an app like picsart or medibang, and it doesn’t take a lot of time. more on how to use icons in section 4. (examples: x x x) (my lil tutorial: x)

moodboards: moodboards are nine pictures arranged 3 by 3 that have a certain color scheme. it’s kind of like a collage except the photo feature here separates the pictures for u. there are a lot of innovative moodboard makers that stun me w how pretty it looks or how they arrange the pics. moodboards are also an easy and fun option! (moodboard tags: x x x)

textposts: this is by far the easiest and more common form of content u will find. it’s just writing about dnp in a textpost! if a textpost isn’t very serious, people also call it a meme or shitpost. shitposting is defs on the rise here so its a good business to get into. it’s also a great outlet for ur emotions or personal connections to what dnp do! (example talk tags: x x x)

fics: by far the most famous media to come out of here, phanfiction is a popular form of phan indulgence. u have probably heard of the most scarring ones (list: x), but there is actually a really vast range of it, not just creepy smut! some other genres are fluff, angst, and slow burns. u will discover that, despite the sterotype, not all fanfiction is bad. you can find lovely fics on @phanfictioncatalogue by genre, au, or topic. and, if u need help writing something, many writers would love to help. (a few well-known fics: x x x x x)

4. tumblr etiquette!

i know tumblr might seem like a simple social media (or perhaps not after u’ve read all the above?) but there’s a lot of things that u just....u just don’t do. it’s sort of like virtual manners, and if u don’t follow them, then it’s unlikely that people will like ur blog. once again, this is by no means me forcing u to run ur blog a certain way. it just happens that the types of ppl who break these rules are who we mock in gcs :////////. so yea, here’s some advice.

credits: if u decide to use someone’s art, edit, gif, or icon on the theme of ur blog, check what they require of u before u use it. most content creators strongly ask for credit in the description of ur blog, either by link or like ‘icon/header/art by ____’. it is just a common courtesy to the person who spent time on that, and if u think credit will ruin the aesthetic of ur blog, a) u probably don’t have an aesthetic in the first place and b) learn to appreciate art, binch.

anonymity: anon asks can be very powerful either negatively or positively depending on how u yield them, so make sure that u are careful with what u send. compliments are always welcome and criticism as well, but blatant rudeness or hate will do nothing. u will only make someone feel bad about themselves and it will not accomplish anything. also, u face the threat of all their friends turning u into a meme.

sensitivity: a lot of people here are way too easily offended by harmless jokes, a common example in the phandom being when we insult dnp affectionately and people take it way too much to heart. please don’t start drama over something w no real meaning. however, there are times when it is indeed necessary. if u want to criticise a blogger, be respectful of them simultaneously. by all means, if u spot someone being racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynist, or the like, feel free to call them out on it. but beforehand, make sure that u have done ur research and are educated on the topic, or u could turn out to be blatantly wrong.

adding to posts: everyone makes this mistake when they start out here and that’s totally okay, but adding to every post u reblog is incredibly bothersome. a rule of thumb would be don’t add anything unless what u say will actually improve the post significantly. if ur additions are along the lines of ‘LOL’ or ‘i relate!!!!’ or ‘philly is a smol bean XD’, learn to use the tags for heaven’s sake. they’re there for not only organization but also for commenting. some exceptions, though, would be if u are mentioned in the post or the op is your close friend.

respecting privacy: this should already be obvious to u, but respect dan and phil’s boundaries. do not tag them or their main tags (#daniel howell, #danisnotonfire, #amazingphil), in any phanfics, phanart (like specifically with them as a romantic ship), or phan edits. do not talk to their family members, expose their personal info like address or phone number, and do consider that they are real people just like u. we may make things based around phan, but it is kept in a community for us and not for dan and phil’s eyes. this is very important.

5. have fun!

sorry if this is all overwhelming, but i tried to make it as simplified as possible. and also sorry for the sass, i’m kinda tired of all the ding dongs on here and want to prevent further ding dongs from being created. thanks so much for readin and be sure to send me an ask anytime if u have questions! welcome to hell!

glossary

timmy darn communism: me being my usual weird self and replacing ‘tumblr dot com’ with random words that start with the same letters

mutuals: someone who you follow and who follows you; usually who u interact with most

rb: shortening for ‘reblog’

discourse: when theres is intense discussion of a certain topic, sometimes phan-related sometimes not, sometimes serious and sometimes silly

branding: the word ‘branding’ kinda started as a joke, but it’s generally what we use to call what someone’s blog reminds them of, whether it be a certain color or a discussion topic; my branding, if u asked a mutual, would probably be impressionism, tea, and baguettes (dont ask ab that one)

html: a simple type of coding used for designing websites! u can learn basic html here or here, it’s way easier and funner than it looks

dnp: dan and phil; we also say ‘deppy’, ‘dip and pip’, ‘the boys’, ‘the rats’, and more

coloring: basically the stylization of a gif, shown through filters, textures, contrast, brightness, etc.

talk tag: a tag in which all of the textposts that a person makes are sorted into

phanfiction terms

smut: porn fic :/

fluff: just what it sounds like, a type of fic that usually has a lot of soft stuff like cuddling, flirting, and looooove

angst: a fic with a lot of drama, usually sad or very emotional

slow burn: a fic where a pairing, in this case phan, slowly falls in love

au: stands for ‘alternate universe’, a fic in which dan and phil are written not as youtubers but in a completely different scenario (ie. bad boy and new guy in high school, university students, space exhibition, anything u can dream up really)

anon: short for ‘anonymous’

op: short for ‘original poster’, aka who made the post

#this took me SO LONG pls appreciate it #gogh away ester #dan and phil #phan #phandom #phan advice #phandom advice #phil lester #dan howell #luncheon

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saintjojis · 8 years ago

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Chin Up Pt. 6

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Genre: High School!AU, Fluff, Light Angst

Word Count: 2,411

A/N: uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh, oops? Enjoy! p.s. send requests!

Even in the midst of senoritis and finals season nearing, Halloween brought about a small gleam of joy for you. Yoongi wasn’t nearly as stoked as you were, but you hoped to get him in the spirit just in time so you could have a nice night regardless of what plans (or lack thereof) came up. In the meantime, it was time to convince Yoongi that Halloween is a lot fun, even if he didn’t agree. You two weeks to really get him to bite. He wasn’t opposed to Halloween itself by any means, he just didn’t really care about celebrating it as much as you did, getting spooky was your thing after all. There were a lot of ideas eing thrown around, some said parties, others said go out and actually scare people, Jungkook suggested that you go trick-or-treating. You thought it sounded fun (free candy always sounds fun).

Yoongi, on the other hand, wouldn’t have it. He immediately turned the idea down, much to Jungkook’s dismay, claiming it would ‘taint’ his ‘image.’ You and Jungkook still disagreed, so Namjoon opted for a vote. To the surprise of no one, it was a whopping two against six. Just out of spite, you vehemently rejected every idea after, even if it sounded fun. This Halloween discourse went on for about 5 days before Hoseok told the group that one of the seniors was throwing a party. Yoongi immediately said no, he did not trust any guy who went to that party, especially if you were going to be dressed nicely, and wearing makeup, and possibly drinking, and… his list of problems went on and on. He wasn’t having it, he just wouldn’t allow it; it’s not that he didn’t trust you, he didn’t trust other guys, especially if they were going to be condensed in one area while blackout drunk. It didn’t deter you from trying, you were set on getting your way this once. So, you began bringing it up nonstop, deciding that you were going to essentially annoy him into saying yes. Even when he texted you, you’d immediately switch the subject to the party. This went on until about 3 days before the party, you managed to absolutely drive him insane. You tested his patience until he finally gave in, not before he set some conditions of course.

[Mr. Min🌞-11:15AM: Jesus fucking Christ alright we’ll go, but I’m not leaving your side]

[Mr. Min🌞-11:15AM: like at all]

[Mr. Min🌞-11:16AM: you’re not drinking either]

[Mr. Min🌞-11:17AM: if shit gets too crazy we’re leaving]

Drinking was kind of the whole point of going to parties, but you could live with that, maybe you could convince Yoongi otherwise once you were there. That would be quite the feat, regardless, you were ecstatic.

One crucial detail you’d forgotten about this whole thing was that, since you were all going to the party, you’d have a small group of eyes always watching over you. You knew the guys knew better than to let you get away with doing as you pleased, you understood that Yoongi wanted to protect you; but you still wanted to have fun, however you would try to indulge him.

Yoongi had good reason to be worried, not for himself but for you. He knew who was going to that party, as he did, and someone had mentioned to him in passing, that Jimin would be there; and that he had a few new friends with him. As it so happens, Jimin managed to befriend a few people who Yoongi wasn’t particularly fond of. He thought maybe it was on purpose, just in spite of him, but it served as a sort of protection. Jimin wasn’t very good at fighting, and didn’t want to fuck up his face over some argument, so he avoided it. And, since Yoongi had threatened to kindly rearrange his face for him and make sure he spoke through a speaking spell, he decided that he’d need someone to back him up. You know, just in case.

He’d grown close with ‘some Chanyeol guy’ and ‘some ass named Jackson.’ You knew Jackson, everyone did, but you didn’t know Chanyeol. It was very clear to you that Yoongi had a very clear disdain for them, you could only wonder why. Still, this wouldn’t stop you, and if you did see them you’d just pretend they weren’t there. Even with this, Yoongi was uneasy about the whole thing. He didn’t care about fighting, he’d gladly do it; it was about you, he wanted you to have a good time and if you ran into them there it would be a mess. He knew that Jimin was hellbent on making you miserable, and he was out to ruin you. Even if his reasoning was complete bullshit. You assured Yoongi everything would be fine, the guys would be there, Jungkook could easily overpower Jimin, and maybe Jackson. It was six versus three, it wasn’t a fair fight, but who said anything about fair? He seemed a little skeptical, but let it go.

The night finally came, you wanted to match costumes with Yoongi, but he managed to turn down nearly everything you proposed. To be fair, you did suggest some pretty dorky concepts.

“Halloween is about being scary, (y/n).” He said, annoyed “Not this cutesy shit, no offense.”

‘None taken.’ You sarcastically thought. He was right, though. So you proposed something a little overdone but good nevertheless.

“What about Donnie and Gretchen?” You asked. “He’s dead and she’s not real, plus they’re a couple.”

He considered it for a second before saying, only if you’d turn his face into a skull. You got to it right away, and by the end he looked a little scarier than you’d anticipated. You gave him contact lenses to make his eyes a dead gray, and his look was completed. Now you had to decide what to wear, you had to match your character’s style to the best of your ability. You thought you did a good job of it, and so did Yoongi. You were ready to go, all that was left was to pick up the guys. First, Hoseok, then Taehyung and Jungkook. Jin and Namjoon would arrive together. Hoseok was dressed up as the Tin Man from ‘The Wizard of Oz.’ You didn’t understand why, but whatever floats his boat. Jungkook was dressed as a dinosaur holding a person in a cage1, while Tae went as Hannibal Lecter.

When you got to the party, it was overflowing with people. There were some who were already drunk out of their minds, so Yoongi kept you close and tightened his grip on your hand. As soon as you walked in, there were a lot of people greeting him. You could tell he’d gotten around by the way people teased him about being with you.

He didn’t want you to drink, but you convinced him to let you drink just a little. He went to fetch you something, telling you not to go anywhere. You assured him you wouldn’t and he replied that he wouldn’t take very long. So you stood there chatting with the people around you, some were drunker than others, but all nice all the same. Before long, you felt someone grab your arm. You were sure it was Yoongi, but when you turned to face him, you were met by someone entirely different. It was Jackson. You were horrified, but you played it off and greeted him nicely. About three words in he suggested you go outside with him because inside was “too noisy.” You politely declined, and looked around for Yoongi. He noticed this and said something rather strange.

“I’m sure he’s busy with someone more important.” Someone? Did he mean something? Regardless, he didn’t correct himself and, as far as you could tell, he wasn’t drunk. He noticed the confusion in your face and spoke again, “What? No one told you? Why don’t you check the kitchen?” You were very reluctant to leave, but what did he mean by ‘no one told you.’ What were you missing here? So he went with you to the kitchen, you didn’t find Yoongi; who you did find there, however, was Jimin. You told Jackson very politely you had to go, but he didn’t let you go anywhere. He got the few people who were there to leave so it would just be the three of you. You quickly texted Yoongi where you were and that you needed help right away

[(Y/N)-8:45PM: yoongi I need help]

[(Y/N)-8:45PM: kitchen, jimin n Jackson HURRY]

[Mr. Min🌞-8:46PM: Fuck on my way]

[Mr. Min🌞-8:46PM: DON’T DO ANYTHING DANGEROUS]

You heeded his words, and didn’t even make eye contact with Jimin. Soon, the guy you took to be Chanyeol appeared and you knew it was going to get ugly.

[(Y/N)-8:48: did I say jimin and jackson? I meant to say ChAnYeOl jimin and Jackson hUrRY TF UP]

Jimin spoke first, his pitched voice a contrast to the others baritone, gravely ones.

“You know, (y/n), you’re still as pretty as the day we met.” You could tell by the way he spoke that he’d been drinking. He continued, “Too bad you’re such a fucking prude. I bet you and that dog don’t even hold hands.” You could feel anger bubbling up at his words. “Too bad, I would’ve treated you much better, you know?” He laughed then, and so did Chanyeol and Jackson. You rolled your eyes and just leaned back into the wall, waiting for whatever else he was going to say. Just as he was about to speak again, you heard Yoongi’s voice outside the kitchen. It was the sweetest sound, and even better; he wasn’t alone. You looked over at the boys in front of you, eyeing their reactions. Jimin seemed too sure of himself, while Jackson looked worried. Chanyeol… Chanyeol was clearly too high to notice.

As always, Yoongi came through, he was absolutely furious. He burst into the kitchen and headed straight for Jimin, Jackson knew better than to step in. Taehyung tried to hold him back, he tried convincing him that this wasn’t worth it.

“I just want to talk, I just want to talk. ‘Aight? Let me go.” He said, obviously not wanting to talk at all. He was ready to tear Jimin in half. However, as soon as Yoongi said he wanted to ‘talk’ Jimin seemed to gain even more confidence. How naïve.

Tae let him go and, before Jimin could even greet him, he threw a punch right at his face. Jimin stumbled backwards, only to have Yoongi grab him by the collar of his shirt and be hit again. Yoongi had no intention of stopping, and no one in the room had any intention of stopping him. Chanyeol was about to lay hands on him before Jungkook stepped in front of him. Chanyeol might have been bigger but Jungkook was sober, so keeping him off of Yoongi wasn’t a hard task. In the meantime, Namjoon guided you out of the room. He decided it was best if you didn’t see Yoongi at work.

Back in the kitchen, Yoongi demanded answers from Jimin. He demanded to know what he’d done, and swore he’d kill him if he’d laid a hand on you. Yoongi’s hands had sobered him up by now, and he was on the verge of tears. He called to Chanyeol who was too busy with Jungkook, then to Jackson who wasn’t about to get his ass beat just because he’d decided to be petty. All of Jimin’s cockiness dissipated, and turned to fear. Yoongi wasn’t exactly too relaxed either. He was growing more and more impatient, he shoved Jimin into the counter behind him, and again demanded some sort of answer.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? Are you forgetting who fucking stood with you first? Huh? Or are you just fucking stupid?” He was screaming at Jimin at this point, growing more furious by Jimin’s lack of response.

“Leave. Leave now, delete her number. Never seek her again. Never speak to her, never look at her. Don’t you ever fucking dare to even think about her you fucking pervert. I don’t want to see you again. Never show your fucking face near us again or you’ll wind up with more than two black eyes and a bloody nose.” With that, Yoongi left him there in the kitchen, where Jimin slumped to the ground. Jungkook told Chanyeol that it wasn’t a personal thing, and he agreed.

You were half expecting Yoongi to want to leave after that, surprisingly though, he joined you in the backyard as if nothing happened. As if he totally didn’t have Jimin’s blood on his knuckles. He handed you a drink, you gladly took it. Lord knows you needed it after that. You shared it with Yoongi, who seemed a lot more willing to get drunk after that little altercation, you didn’t balme him. Jungkook and Tae were taking care of the group since they didn’t drink. Even after that, you managed to have a good time. Hoseok’s Tin Man costume made sense once you were at the party, it was his little “clever” way of picking up girls. You and Namjoon made a bet of whether he’d manage to hook up with at least one or not. You said he would, he said he wouldn’t. Shockingly enough, you won the bet. Some girl really fell for that cheesy ‘I don’t have a heart, so can I have yours?’ line he was using. Legendary.

The night wound up being really fun. You and Yoongi drank a little more than you should’ve, but that was okay. You decided it was best if he stayed the night at your place since his was the farthest. When you made it up to your room, Yoongi only managed to take off his shirt before passing out on your bed. It was cute, but you dressed him because the night had gotten cold, and you knew he’d complain about it in the morning. Truly a night to remember, you took a picture of him passed out still painted like a skull. ‘He doesn’t have to know’ you thought. You wiped off his face paint after, and then your make up. What a way to end the night. You rested your head on his chest and felt his warmth, the sound of his heartbeat lulling you to sleep.

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dreadhaus-literature · 5 years ago

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{A/N}

I’m still trying to decide if I’m going to aim for a 3rd OC to round out the challenge, tonight. I’m feeling a little dry on the creative front, and 2 out of 3 is respectable.

I’m also trying to teach myself I don’t have to be writing 100% of the time to be productive.

So while I decide whether or not to try and create a 3rd new OC, I figured I’d drink my coffee and come talk about some stuff.

It’s pretty common knowledge that I think a lot. I overthink, a lot. And as I’ve gotten more into fandoms again, I’m seeing the climate around things change from when I was writing for fandoms before. And this isn’t so much a rant about fandoms as it’s me...questioning my writing and if I’ll be okay, putting my stuff out there.

Y’see, we all know Tumblr’s a pretty toxic place, if you’re not in the “THIS IS OKAY TO LIKE” box, you’re gonna get death threats and shamed and...all that fun stuff. And I’ve always existed outside of that box. I like BDSM, necro, cannibalism, etc, and none of that is mainstream or “acceptable” to like. And as I’ve been paying attention and watching and just sort of...putting my ear to the wall (because I don’t participate in shit) it’s left me feeling like I shouldn’t create, because nothing I create is “okay” by the standards of people that are out there.

And it’s weird, because when I was younger I never used to give a shit. I’d write what I wanted and fuck anyone who didn’t like it. But it seems the scales have tipped so far the other way; where before people would just quietly peruse what they like and ignore what they didn’t, I feel like now they make lynch mobs and try to destroy you as a person because omg you like littlespace? How very dare.

It might have something to do with my emotional state, right now. I’m very...I don’t want to say fragile? Not because I have a problem with being fragile but more because I’m just tired, emotionally. I’ve hit this point where I’m just too tired for drama and bullshit because I’m just trying to make it to tomorrow. So the thought of creating something that I like, that I enjoy, and someone coming to scream “THIS IS WRONG AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD” at me just...does not interest me in the slightest.

Even just with creating characters, I was thinking of creating a new monster...because uhm, yaaas, but when I was doing research there’s all these folks barking and screeching about how you can’t create monsters using Native American lore because it’s wrong or how Jewish people own certain myths and you can’t use them and I just...I really didn’t want to get to a point where I’m saying people are too sensitive (because that’s the older people’s battle cry and I think sensitivity is important) but if I want to create a monster based off the wendigo...why can’t I just do that? Why is that so offensive and horrible to a group of people whom I don’t know and don’t know me? I’m not doing it to be shitty. Tbh it’s a form of respect because I think the lore is badass and I want some of that.

It reminds me how I saw a long thread (this was ages ago) about a little white girl who wanted to throw a geisha-inspired tea party and her mom did all this research and reached out to Japanese...people (I don’t recall what they did, officially) and she put on this real authentic party for her daughter and it was really respectful and there were all these people just up in arms about it, calling it appropriation and while I 10000% believe appropriation is a thing, not everything is appropriation. And if we start drawing those sorts of lines, we’re all gonna lose 97% of the shit we enjoy because it belongs to some other race or culture.

So I don’t know. Seeing all this discourse and angry shouting just adds to my “oh my god I’m old and tired” mood because I want to create all sorts of things but I’m terrified that I’m going to create something offensive without realizing it’s offensive???

The monster thing really fucking threw me.

And I know. Folks in the internet don’t own shit and I don’t owe anyone an explanation for the shit that I do. I know I’m coming from a place of respect and just trying to enjoy myself and I shouldn’t feel bad about that--I know all that. Part of my issue with seeing this sort of stuff is because I was raised to not believe my opinion or thoughts or feelings about something is worth a goddamn, which is why people say things and I nod and shut up. I’m still working on it.

Which brings me to something else that’s been tumbling around in my head--think I’m going to take a page out of Beesly’s book and try to be more assertive this year/for the rest of my life. It’s something that I’ve struggled with my whole life, for reasons that I assume are obvious, and I want to...get over that. I realize there’s lots of things I want to do and don’t because I’m too worried about what someone else may say or think or do about it and so I just...don’t. And I wind up regretting my silence or in-action and then I feel bad. And to be clear, I’m not even talking about shitty things. I mean I don’t do small things, like talk about my own likes or interests or even buying certain things because I don’t think I should, because someone else might side-eye or it might bother someone. I have always done this and I still do it and I swear to god even on my own fucking cellphone sometimes I won’t set certain characters as my wallpaper because I don’t feel like I have the right to do it.

I mean how fucking stupid is that.

But it’s a real issue and it keeps me from enjoying simple things that don’t bother anyone. And I realize I have a lot of anger and resentment built up that I need to start working on, and this type of behavior only adds to it. I feel like I have this gluttonous monster that follows me around, and has since I was a kid, and it’s just huge and gross (even for me, lol) and I keep feeding it so it sticks around. And it just keeps getting bigger and bigger and the more I feed it the worse I feel because it’s constantly bothering me.

I just...I’m sure it sounds stupid but I really need my 30′s to be better than my 20′s and this new decade thing, like I either gotta pull the trigger on some change and making my life better...or really pull the trigger and be done with it. I’m stuck in places I don’t like being and I’m sick of coming back to these spaces and saying I’m stuck. How many years am I gonna do that?

Hopefully, no more years, lol.

I just have to teach myself worth, I guess. That’s the root issue of all the stuff I was just talking about. I don’t value myself enough to put my foot down about things or to just openly like something without worrying about what anyone else might think about it--and don’t get me wrong, I’ve always done my own thing and I didn’t care how off-brand it was. I like weird shit and always have; when I say openly liking something I mean not feeling like I don’t belong liking it. And the worth issue applies to my writing, too.

Because circling back to the whole, “you can’t like this because I think it’s wrong,” thing, I was reading a thread a couple days ago about how the main actor in that You show, he goes on Twitter and corrects women who like his character, and of course Tumblr is praising him and saying how you shouldn’t like his character and that behavior is toxic.

And yeah, in real life, it is. And you shouldn’t put up with anything you’re not comfortable with.

But I was reading this and thinking to myself...y’all really can’t separate fantasy from reality anymore. Y’all have just blurred that line to the point where people can’t even enjoy fake shit because you think that means they like it IRL. And it’s fucking nuts.

As someone who has existed in their own fantasy world for 30 years, I can safely say, there’s shit I enjoy in fantasy I wouldn’t IRL. I love super controlling behavior on paper but I wouldn’t be able to deal with it in a real relationship. That shit hits way too close to home--but I have control over it in my head, so it’s perfect. And that’s why fantasy is so important.

Take cannibalism. Could someone cut off my arm and eat it IRL? I mean they could, but...don’t? I need it for things.

But they can in my head, and on paper, and I enjoy reading about it. Experiencing it that way, because it’s the only safe, sane way to experience it.

I fucking love unhinged, crazy characters who are obsessive and possessive to the point of murder and I can’t enjoy that shit IRL but I’m fucking fine to fantasize about it--but everyone is out there tooting their shame horn and I just...let people enjoy things? Like why the fuck are they so pressed.

It’s like sitting down to eat at your table, in your house, with your favorite meal all nicely prepared in front of you. But you happen to look up, and see that across the street, your neighbor is eating some shit you hate. Like you can’t stand what they’re eating. But they’re in their house, and you can’t smell it, and you don’t have to eat it...yet instead of eating your own goddamn meal, you get up from the table, march across the street, and bang on your neighbor’s door to yell at them about some shit you don’t like. How dare they eat something you don’t like?

That’s what it’s like, to me. The shit I like, that I’m into, doesn’t hurt any-fucking-body, because it’s fantasy. But people will scream at the top of their fucking lungs about how it’s gross and nasty and they don’t want to see it (even though they found it, somehow) and because they hate it I’m terrible for liking it. It just...ugh. It’s such an illogical argument.

I don’t like Katy Perry. I think she’s a garbage human being who got famous because she’s “pretty” and pretended to be bisexual for a while but y’know what? I don’t give a shit about her or anyone who likes her. I don’t care, and when I say I don’t care, I mean like it doesn’t affect or bother me that anyone else is into her. She can do her, and they can do them, and I’mma do me.

But it’s borderline impossible for people to stay in their goddamn lane and it’s nuts. Like as a gay woman who grew up watching adults argue about gay marriage I remember thinking, even as a gayby, why do so many straight folks care? Like why do they give a shit who someone else is marrying? But they did. They still do.

And that’s what it reminds me of. That us younger generations love to brag about how we’re more open and progressive than our parents and grandparents and yeah, we don’t lynch people of color or keep the LGBT community closeted but if you enjoy BDSM/littlespace or god forbid ship the wrong characters together you’re probably gonna get death threats and bullied off an internet platform.

So yeah. That’s just been rattling around in my head the past few days, as I’ve been workshopping OC’s and tossing around ideas of what to write about this year. My interests have and always will be counter-culture/alternative and I always anticipate there’s going to be someone who isn’t into what I do. That’s...kinda been my label? Like I’m not “one size fits all”, lol, but beyond all the discourse and stuff it leaves me wondering what sort of audience I’ll even have.

I don’t pretend to be the only one into these sorts of things, I know there’s other weirdos out there and stuff, they’re just sitting quietly amongst all the shouting and screaming, like I am. And I guess if that’s my audience, I’ll take it. I don’t have these big aspirations of necessarily being famous (being rich would be nice because...money worries, lol, I’m way over them) but I always liked Christine’s hustle. She writes (prolifically, good god) for her fans and that’s what she’s happy doing. Doesn’t matter that she isn’t a household name, she’s got devoted fans and that is the kind of fanbase I’d like as an author. I don’t need to be liked by everyone, I just want to write and if I happen to make someone happy, well, mission accomplished.

So in the meantime, just going to keep plugging away at myself, letting 2020 be the year of change and growth. So far it’s been...I mean I think it’s gone well. I’ve finished the first writing challenge I issued myself, so there’s that!

But alas, my coffee cup is empty and it’s time for a refill.

I’ll be back soon, likely to issue and then destroy the next challenge of 2020.

#{A/N} : personal

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razorblade-eyes · 6 years ago

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How to Eat Whatever You Want and Still Get Results

Eating shouldn’t suck.

That may sound obvious, but let’s face it: For so many women, the very notion of mealtime brings up a ton of baggage, whether it’s the drudgery of trying to stick to an unsatisfying meal plan or a bunch of guilt and shame after “cheating” or going “off plan.”

And that’s really too bad, because we all deserve to enjoy the way we eat.

Improving your nutrition shouldn’t require you to white-knuckle your way through every meal, eating foods that you don’t actually like, all while wishing for a slice of cheesecake.

(Nor should it include lying awake at night berating yourself because you did eat a slice of cheesecake.)

You can improve your nutrition while still enjoying foods of all kinds, including those that might typically be considered “indulgent” or “treat foods.”

That’s right. Pizza. Doughnuts. French fries. Ice cream. None of these are “bad” foods. It’s just a question of your own personal priorities and choices.

Here’s how to find the balance that works for you according to your own food preferences, priorities, and goals.

You Are in Charge

Before we go any further, let’s make one thing very clear: It’s up to you how you eat. Not up to me. Not up to some guy on the Internet. Not up to anybody else.

(This is something that surprises many of our GGS Coaching clients at the beginning of their journeys with us! Nonetheless, we value every woman’s autonomy to make the choices she wants for herself, and this includes food!)

Because of much of the ambient discourse around food, many people have the habit of qualifying themselves as “good” or “bad” based on their food or drink choices. Similarly, some foods seem to take on magical properties and are described as “detoxifying,” “super,” or “miracle” foods, while others are demonized for being “fake” or “junk.”

Here’s the thing: Food choices are nothing more or less than personal preference, and a person’s self-worth is not tied to these choices.

Food doesn’t hold the power to make us good or bad. It has no inherent moral value.

So when it comes to making food choices, rather than thinking about foods as “bad” or “good,” try to shift your thinking toward your goals and what you want for yourself.

For example, is your goal to build strength or muscle mass? Lose fat? Manage a health condition? Improve your energy and focus? Or simply enjoy your food and life?

Depending on what your priorities are, you may choose to be more or less restrictive with your food choices. For example, it may be helpful to think of nutritional flexibility on a continuum, with a more restricted diet on one end and the most flexibility on the other.

Suppose you’re trying to manage a health condition with a doctor-prescribed diet. In that case, it may be well worth it to you to restrict yourself to certain foods in order to achieve a desired health outcome. Or if you have fat loss goals, you may be focused on creating a caloric deficit, and therefore you may be conscious of how many calories you’re consuming.

On the other end of the spectrum, if your focus is on gaining mass — or simply on having fun and enjoying new food experiences — you may choose to be less restrictive.

After all, food can be part of a powerful experience. Sharing a meal or treat with others can be extremely gratifying and healthy, regardless of whether you’re eating a food that may not be labeled as “healthy.”

Bottom line: Foods are not “bad” or “good”, and it’s up to you to choose what’s best for you.

And you know what? What’s best for you can absolutely change depending on the situation — talk about freedom!

What can “indulging” look like in action? How about what our GGS Coaching client Janice shared:

“I ate ice cream and drank white wine for dinner tonight. I did it with 100% full conscious intention. However, I did not finish my ice cream and I stopped at one glass of wine. I put my ice cream in the freezer and left wine for tomorrow. I ‘felt’ like I had enough of both and I stopped. I felt zero guilt of not eating protein, fiber, or veggies for dinner. I feel 100% satisfied with my choices to start and stop my actions. And I am currently extremely happy and content. I know tomorrow I will wake up hungry for a nutritious breakfast.”

With that in mind, here are some strategies that you can use — and layer on top of each other — to help you decide when and if you want to “indulge” in certain foods.

Strategy #1: Make a Conscious Choice

Quick science lesson. Let’s review Newton’s third law: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Choice → Consequence

OK, that’s enough physics for now. What we’re really talking about here are choices and consequences, with consequences ranging from positive to negative.

If you haven’t spent much time identifying how different foods make you feel, this is a good opportunity to get curious. Food affects us in a number of ways physically, mentally, and emotionally. As you approach “indulgent” foods, think about what might happen as a result of eating that food as well as what might happen if you choose not to eat that food.

Let’s walk through an example of a choice and its consequences.

Choice

Going out for pizza and beers with friends on a Friday night.

Potential Positive Consequences

Having a great time with your friends.

Enjoying food and drinks.

Enjoying a night out.

Wearing something fun.

Letting loose and reducing stress.

Potential Negative Consequences

Feeling sluggish the next day.

Having digestive issues.

Not being able to think clearly.

Suffering from a headache.

Feeling sugar or carb cravings.

Not sleeping well.

Consequences can be both positive and negative. They can be physical, affecting your body and your physical abilities; psychological, affecting your ability to think and reason; and emotional, affecting your mood or outlook. They may relate to your social life or connection with others. Consequences can be short term or long-lasting.

The real power here is in making the decision. Whatever you choose, you’re the one in charge. And that’s an empowering feeling.

There’s also a lot of value in taking just a brief moment to pause, consider the consequences, and make the decision. Pausing allows us to be mindful and increase our awareness of our options and priorities.

Pausing also allows you to learn more about what eating indulgent foods in moderation looks like for you. This way, you can experiment and evaluate when situations are worth indulging in. Pausing helps you get to know yourself and learn about your behavioral patterns so you can fully enjoy the way you eat with less stress and worry.

Strategy #2: Observe the Results

After paying attention to your choices and the consequences that follow, you’ll start to gain more knowledge about the effects of certain foods.

Remember, just because a food has negative consequences doesn’t mean it’s a “bad” food, just as a food with positive consequences doesn’t mean it’s a “good” food. Similarly, experiencing negative consequences doesn’t mean you’re bad. Consequences are just what happens as an outcome of the choice — sort of like a science experiment.

Expanding your understanding of the consequences and outcomes can help you decide which foods work for you to have frequently versus those you choose to have only every once in a while.

Foods that don’t have serious negative consequences might be foods you choose to have frequently, whereas foods that have more impactful negative consequences might be saved for special occasions.

For example, having a square or two of high-quality chocolate a few times per week might be something that satisfies your sweet tooth and reduces cravings, whereas having a brownie a few times per week might cause additional sugar cravings and may provide more energy (calories) per serving than you want.

“What if I can’t stop eating certain foods?”

As we said earlier, you’re in the driver’s seat. But the truth is, sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.

If you’ve ever opened a pint of ice cream or family-sized bag of chips, blinked, and discovered it was gone, the you know what I’m talking about. Our behavior around certain foods — which we might think of as “indulgences” or “treats” — can feel hard to control. We tell ourselves we’ll just have a couple bites, and then we find the eating unstoppable.

I’m talking about things like:

Baked goods (cookies, cakes, pies, and other desserts)

Fried foods (french fries, doughnuts, chips, mozzarella sticks)

Pizza

Chocolate and candy

What’s going on in this situation? Well for starters, it’s not that there’s something wrong with you. The food was designed this way.

In most cases, the foods we think of as indulgences, treats, or junk food are high in energy (calories) and typically high in carbohydrates or fat. Their flavors are usually sweet or salty, and the foods themselves are often very processed. This combination usually lights up our taste buds and the pleasure and reward systems in our brains, making us want these foods more than others.

Biologically, this makes sense. Humans naturally seek energy-dense foods and experience a hit of dopamine (a feel-good hormone) when we eat indulgent foods. (That’s why you can feel perfectly full, but then walk by a bakery and start salivating for a slice of fresh bread or an oven-warm cookie.)

In other words, these foods override our natural satiety system, making them really easy to overeat.

If you find yourself feeling powerless to resist certain foods, the choice, of course, is yours. You may choose not to keep certain foods in the house, or to avoid driving by that bakery or pizzeria at night. Or you may make a conscious choice to enjoy the food, understanding and accepting the outcome. It all depends on your personal priorities and the choices you want to make for yourself.

Strategy #3: Get to Know Your Patterns

As you continue to practice observing your own choices and consequences, you might start to notice some patterns. Great — this is more useful data to add to your own science experiment.

Understanding the way different foods influence how you feel and operate in your life is useful, as it can help you make more informed decisions. If you find yourself eating more than you want to, or eating foods you don’t really want to eat, it’s worth examining why and what’s going on in those scenarios.

It’s definitely a process, but a worthwhile one. Like one of our GGS Coaching clients says: “When I felt I ‘couldn’t have’ something, the resistance just pushed me further toward that food and I would overdo it and then berate myself for it. Now I pause to ask myself questions about whether I want to splurge on an item now or wait. I feel like I’m more in control. I still have some issues with some things but I’ve made huge progress overall.”

Here are a couple common situations, with possible solutions to experiment with.

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

Do you regularly go overboard with your nutrition choices simply because of “special” occasions?

Examples:

“I always have dessert at my mom’s house because she’s an incredible baker, even if I’m not hungry after a main meal.”

“I always have cocktails when going out with friends even when I don’t really feel like drinking.”

Possible solution: You might remind yourself that many meals and food options will be available to you again. If you pass now, more will likely be available later when you want it.

Trouble With Access to Too Much

Do you have difficulty controlling your portion size if you’ve got multiple servings available to you?

Examples:

“I lose track of how many chips with salsa I eat when out for Mexican food and zone out while eating them simply because they’re in front of me.”

“I baked a whole batch of cookies and ate two, and then ate two more just because they were in the kitchen.”

Possible solution: If situations like these ring a bell for you, you might consider purchasing single-serving portions instead of multi-serving packages, sharing large portions of foods with others, or freezing extra servings to eat at a later date. If you’re out to eat, add a serving to an appetizer plate so you can increase your awareness of how much you’re eating.

Identifying some of your patterns related to food can help you make changes in the future, especially as you decide whether or not to eat your favorite indulgent foods.

Strategy #4: Tune into Your True Hunger Cues

As you observe your eating patterns, consider this: Do you eat according to your hunger or your appetite?

If you’re not familiar with the distinction, hunger and appetite are not the same thing. True hunger is a signal from the body that you need nourishment from food. Appetite is a psychological want for food often stimulated by an environmental cue — like walking past a bakery or seeing a food commercial.

(By the way, these are both different from satiety, which refers to the level of satisfaction you get from what you eat).

Here are ways appetite shows up for many people:

“I don’t feel satisfied with what I’ve eaten after a meal and often reach for additional food even if I’m not physically hungry to ‘fill a void.’”

“I eat well-rounded meals, but I have a raging appetite for treats in the evening.”

Sometimes, you might find yourself eating when you’re not truly hungry. Or unable to stop eating even if you’re full. Or, like many people, perhaps you’ve lost the ability to know the difference between your hunger and your appetite.

These aren’t uncommon scenarios.

The truth is that most of us have lost touch with our natural hunger cues.

For one thing, most of us have access to a lot of food at all times. When we eat and what we eat are decided out of habit. We eat our meals at fixed times. We go out to lunch with coworkers and always choose the same meal. We systematically order the same snacks when we go to the movies.

We’re no longer clear on when we’re hungry or not, and we tend to view hunger as something that should be avoided at all costs. As a result, many of us eat to prevent hunger instead of eating in response to hunger.

When you feel compelled to eat, pay attention to what you’re feeling in your body:

Are you experiencing a hollow or rumbling feeling in your stomach?

Do you feel a craving for something specific (maybe a food you just saw) or would just about any meal with protein and vegetables be satisfying right now?

Did you just experience a strong emotion?

By answering these questions, you can determine if you’re actually hungry or just experiencing appetite, and you can choose accordingly for your goals.

(By the way, this is a tricky skill to master, and this is why it’s one of the first ones we tackle in our GGS Coaching program — we give you specific practices to put in place to determine if you’re hungry or not. We always recommend that you approach this with gentle curiosity and compassion, not judgement.)

Strategy #5: Slow Down and Savor

Often when it comes time to eat, we eat quickly and mindlessly — possibly in the car, at the computer, or while multitasking.

And if we do decide to enjoy a favorite treat, we wind up scarfing it down and it’s over before we know it. (Or we’re distracted by guilt or worried thoughts about what we’re eating, and we scarcely enjoy it.)

A good strategy here is to slow down and enjoy yourself. The more you slow down and savor, the more satisfied you’ll be.

Here are a few methods you can use to help yourself slow down and savor your food:

Eat more slowly. Set a timer for 15–20 minutes and slow down your pace so that your meal can take at least that long. It usually takes your body this amount of time for its satiety signal to kick in, so these numbers aren’t random. If 15–20 minutes sounds overwhelming, start with 10.

Set your fork down between bites and don’t pick it up until you’ve finished chewing and swallowing what’s in your mouth. You can also take longer pauses throughout your meal to assess your hunger levels.

As you eat, pay attention to your food. Notice and appreciate its taste, smell, texture, and so on. Enjoy it.

Remember that you don’t have to eat all of what’s in front of you. You can save leftovers for later. Practice resisting the urge to finish something just because there’s a little bit left. Stop eating when you’re satisfied.

These are powerful practices, and you’ll be surprised at how they’ll change your patterns over time. Like one of our GGS Coaching clients has shared: “I have definitely noticed a difference in how much I eat and the speed at which I eat. I find myself fuller faster, and I don’t have trouble stopping without clearing my plate.”

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone!

Starting to use these tried-and-true strategies on your own can sometimes feel daunting — especially if you’ve spent a long time white-knuckling through restrictive plans only to drop them when they become unbearable and then go overboard.

The good news? You don’t have to do this alone.

Want help getting the best results of your life — without extreme dieting or exercise?

Finally with GGS Coaching there’s a way of eating and exercising that’s effective, enjoyable, and easier than ever before (even if you’ve tried everything).

If you’re ready to:

Stop restricting, dieting, and obsessing about food

Eat food you love — that satisfies you — and still get the results you want

Spend less time in the gym, not exhaust yourself, and still achieve your goals

Trust your body and trust yourself around food

Feel good in your skin, and radiate confidence from the inside out

We can help. That’s why we created GGS Coaching. Women need coaches who understand their unique needs and challenges, and GGS Coaching is a coaching program designed by women, for women, run by women.

Helping women is what we do here at GGS. Tell us what your goals are, and we’ll help you achieve them in a way that lasts.

GGS Coaching was designed as the antidote to all of the typical obsessive, restrictive, exhausting diet and exercise programs out there, which are too difficult to sustain for any real length of time.

We get it. That’s why we use a sustainable, skill-based approach to help you practice the exact skills you need to get the results you want – without overhauling your life.

GGS Coaching isn’t just about getting the best physical results you’ve ever gotten in your life — it’s about becoming the best version of yourself, one step at a time.

On January 1st, 2020, we’re accepting a small number of new coaching clients.

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elizabethrobertajones · 8 years ago

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I feel a little awkward about people proclaiming Dean slamming Cas into a wall romantic, no matter the provocation or the fact that Cas is an angel. Violence is NOT romantic. Dean packing an angel blade because he's angry is horrifying. Cas letting Dean do this to him because he "deserves" punishment? My god, does noone understand what this sound like? This is shit Dean needs to work on, like the anger issues and verbal abuse issues, not something to be romanticised.

Yeah, it’s not great, but I feel like the show actually thinking about how violent it is last of anything it ever might address, so what can you do except write a disclaimer every time you end up discussing it that you don’t approve, and if you’re discussing it (or, especially the crypt scenes which had a ton more problematic tropes if you take away the mind control and magic) that you’re looking at basically everything but the violence as a point of interest and it’s an unfortunate way it meant the show put such and such a line in or whatever >.>

I think a lot of the excitement is the tension and physical closeness (which helps that we know the actors are doing it and that there’s no real threat there and a lot of people would be perfectly happy just that Jensen and Misha did a wall slamming scene and that’s what they enjoy when they reblog gifs of it)… I don’t think there’s anything romantic about what Dean did - it’s not even like the crypt scenes which use a power of love made them stop thing which is really problematic when you take away that only because it’s fictional and they were ACTUALLY mind controlled and not responsible for their actions that that’s even half not the worst thing ever to do… It’s just Dean went to go fight Cas because he was pissed off and technically they do fight a lot of things that are causing harm and Cas going rogue to them is still a possibility they might not like to think about but 6x20 still probably haunts Dean of what exactly sort of cosmic force of nature is he giving mixtapes too anyway and how very very bad is it that it ends up being the antagonist like, almost every other year of their lives even while also being their BFF, which just makes things confusing.

Dean starts referring to Cas’s feathery ass again which is something he does when pissed at him - Cas is all human and cute when he’s harmless and Dean’s worried or affectionate. But when Dean is pissed off Cas suddenly is an angel again in his language, and at times especially earlier on he used the same language about Cas he would use interchangeably about someone like, say, Uriel, who he hated and picked on all the things like “junkless” and so on… Dean getting like that is him remembering that Cas is not human, and could be as unpredictable and dangerous and taking inhuman approaches to things, that it’s not safe to think of him as a nerdy little guy, but to remember what they’re really dealing with, and as hunters, that means something that is potentially dangerous enough to hunt, and also it’s personally how he’s hurt Dean…

For what it’s worth I think Dean was making a pretty horrifying display packing the angel blade, but when it came down to it, no matter how betrayed he feels he wouldn’t use it on Cas - he didn’t want to kill him in 6x20 or after - when Sam stabs Cas in 6x22 Dean actually mouths “No!” even though all logic would say Sam did the right thing there.

But I would bet though that people are kind of using a difference between “romantic” and “romanticising” like they don’t think there’s any romantic gesture or point to it like this is a way Dean shows he loves Cas (even with his anger born of worry born of love issues which is a whole other thing I was talking about earlier today at great length so I won’t go into it) but they are enjoying the shoving around - again, because it’s a lot more fun and safe when it’s actors doing it and when you take it out of context it might be fun wall slamming…

although side note about fanfic etc, I utterly can’t stand Cas in “fun” wall slamming situations etc where he’s the slam-ee, precisely because he makes that face like he thinks he deserves it and is just going to take whatever happens to him when it happens in canon and that’s depressing and horrible and I can’t un-see it ever… Cas getting passive and self-defeating in pretty much any fight with anyone drains any fun out of the idea he’d enjoy it playing around… It makes me feel sick and sad and horrified on his behalf because of how he reacts and I can never get past that exact thing, even with totally fanon AU Cas, with none of this baggage, because I just see him making those sad defeated faces… Not that the reverse of this scene in 5x18 is any better for saying anything about Dean, but in less high-tension situations like when he’s being manhandled by cops he only feels lightly threatened/mostly amused by, he seems to have a lot more fun with it :P Using 5x18 to say anything about Dean is just as unrepresentative, even if he DOES have a ton of fun wall slamming history, just not with Cas, like that. There’s plenty of other stuff in canon about how submissive Dean is without needing that gif… Like where he just admits he wants to be slapped around in bed or wants sexy rules or whatever. He doesn’t make it difficult to headcanon and he’s talking about wanting fun consensual sex in those moments :P I don’t think Cas has anything like it on his side (if anything he was compared to the pizza man who did the spanking >.>) and so anything where Cas is shoved around or gets that despairing passive look in his eyes I just can’t ever see him enjoying messing around getting in a similar headspace for fun, so I personally really don’t get anyone enjoying that side of it because Cas is in such a depressing place with this in the show >.> Idk if this is an unpopular opinion or not because at least in my experience of just following meta blogs and seeing fic recs etc second, it seems like a favoured dynamic anyway. About the gifs of these scenes and fanon though - I know a lot of people have fun with it out of context (e.g. “what if it was Cas shoving Dean against a wall because they were about to have sex”) and it just kinda looks bad without disclaimers which people might think were obvious they’re enjoying out of context because if they WERE asked they’d immediately say well duh the scenes were bad in context but that’s not what we’re enjoying here, or they actually have an interest in the whump factor of them getting beat up, but that’s something entirely out of my ability to talk about at this point, because I’m depressingly vanilla and boring about it all :P

Aaaanyway idk I’m not the best person to talk to about this because I don’t have a great deal of IRL experience to draw on for sensitivity about how to handle this except to say, obviously threatening to kill and shoving around your friends is not a good way to show love, and I also take that fact for granted when talking about it (so apologies if you were directing any of this message at me because it only occurred to me now, that you might not have been talking about the fandom in general, because I have been taking for granted that anything I say about this, I’m making a fairly horrified face about things like Dean packing an angel blade to meet Cas or shoving him around and I’d ASSUME that’s the normal reaction, except apparently people are romanticising it so NOT saying anything is playing into a bigger problem? Idk. >.>)

I haven’t really been on my dash much since the episode so I don’t know how everyone’s really reacting, but I wonder how much of the discussion is also running away with ideas relating to these scenes, while taking for granted the main details are pretty crappy and it shouldn’t be treated as romantic per say, but come across wrong for not putting a disclaimer. The crypt scene discourse after 10x22 made me really hyper aware of that and how people who were most critical of or affected by this behaviour were seeing so much more of people supposedly romanticising it even though these people were just really not taking care to say of course they weren’t and to pick their language more carefully and not get over excited about meta textual reasons to reblog the gifs and so on, and I remember that it sort of came with a lot of snide hater anon messages to some blogs that this is why people hate Destiel/Destiel shippers because of all the romanticising abuse, it’s a horrible ship, etc etc, and even people who’d been really upset by that scene who then moved on to talk about other stuff aside from how Cas got attacked, were in danger of having this accusation about stuff they said… I don’t know. Fandom is a difficult space to navigate, and there are toxic sides to it, and people enjoying things in ways which other people might think they shouldn’t, when it’s not really their place to say HOW they enjoy it, but it’s all such a mix eventually wires cross… it makes me hesitant to go around saying everyone’s doing such and such romanticising a thing because it tends to be more complicated and weird and maybe there’s not such a great pool of people uncritically doing the thing that everyone is being accused of in a blanket statement. I’m now thinking I’ve said at least 2 of the things you mentioned, but I meant them in the way that I was horrified by what I saw and thought it would be obvious this was my reaction, but at this point I wonder how clear it was, and also how dangerous is it to ever open your mouth in a fandom space >.>

#Asks #12x19 #season 12 spoilers #abuse cw #and this discourse is why i use #crypt scenes for ts

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autoirishlitdiscourses · 8 years ago

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Discourse of Monday, 20 March 2017

Serving as a parody of theological discourse in the class than to worry about whether you're technically meeting the discussion in a lot of other things differently. I'm not entirely satisfying and/or Wednesday. Note that plagiarism will definitely be there on time, whereas a B-—You've got a good student. /or, if I discover by any means the only possible good way to do, OK?

Keep your overall goal is to understand and think about this-type assignment for another, but not EC#50849 has an ESCI Survey Header form in it. You have some very good job with it it's OK with me or with the presentation you would have been posted to the overall meaning of the course as a. I will post before I decide. You've presented a good decision to pick options on the section for instance, you really have done quite a difficult selection to memorize because of a well thought-experiment, even if you go over, and I will definitely pay off for the quarter, so I'd say that you were a few things that you will have to wait longer after asking a lot of ways. The group warmed up and/or last, because they're yours.

How can we meet at a coffee shop, I think, a fair amount of time that could have been exhausted in order to be more specific claim about the relationship which, given the sophistication that your health should come first, second, and very engaging and lucid, and that, although my advice is not too late for students who simply move their eyes quickly over the last few years. For one thing, actually though I felt like you received the professor's reading than is reflected here, I noticed that none of your discussion score reflects this. You should treat email as quickly as possible, OK? I think that one of the class if there was a pleasure having you in section tomorrow night. Patrick Kavanagh, but I don't want to recite and discuss this and settled on this one time if you found it on Slideshare and linking to it, then re-typed your email, or Paul Muldoon, or not increasing the amount you talk about why they appeal to you.

For very similar reasons, including class, with notes on areas in which they are working, which is a recurrent element in your discussion could have been capable of doing this. Let me know if there's anything I can do with your paper. I think that one of the quarter. I'd encourage you to achieve this—I'm not faulting you for being such a fine line to walk, especially ballerinas. There are of course grade. Does this work for you. /one percent/for leading an insightful, focused discussion that involved not only contributes to your large-scale umbrella of what the nature of your numerous texts with which he had only picked three, instead of doing this. Attendance. You also picked a good book. I will respond to a question Does anyone have a lot of things that are not A papers very high. I'm sorry to take so long to get him to use this as the play. Though the description of your selection specifically enough that I assign/letter grades onto point totals. Ultimately, you/must/attend or reschedule. 96% this is done well. You added then in line 1576; changed nearly to almost in I nearly said; changed said please to says please; changed done to make it up. But you really have done a good job engaging other students toward some of the historical and literary readings are often sophisticated and your health is good.

One of these boil down to, you can take this into account when grading your paper you wrote this up. You apply the historical connections. I can plan for section this quarter, so be sure to email in a number of texts and phenomena, then let me know if this happens: 1.

There is section this quarter. Section that is particularly relevant here; it's of more benefit to introduce some major aspect of this particularly moving passage. It's been a clue, and what this larger-scale concerns very effectively. You picked an interesting contemporary poet, as you point out, it feels like it, because this is not absolutely required still, this meant that they haven't started the reading assigned on the most fun things that people have not held your grade is. You picked an interesting passage and warmed the class about stereotypes of Jewish people in section this quarter, and I quite like the one that gestures toward an overall narrative for the misreading on the syllabus assigns for the quarter when we first scheduled recitations. I think that your thesis statement, then send me the URL. If you miss section, in order to pass out a draft of a married woman crying in response to some extent Chrome and Safari. Have a good weekend, and I myself often find that the hard part for you if you want your reader to come talk to me nor emailed me recitation plans by tomorrow, even especially! You've been very punctual this quarter, and provided a good student and I think that you occasionally seem to have in section again, there's an additional five percent/of the first place; something similar could be a tricky business, and exhibiting solicitous concern for emotions that they should have read episodes 5 Lotus Eaters, starting on page 240 of the first place; something similar could be said about presentations of Irish descent, wherever they may have experienced in attaining those results. One way to get in the College of Letters & Science, at 7 p. I won't assess participation until the very end of that chapter from the MLA requires parenthetical citations in-depth feedback than instructors who didn't pick up points in this very open-ended pick three texts of these things not because I realized that each of the claim that it's a moot point. Hi! Tomorrow. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Similar things could be. No worries I'm not firmly attached to you at 1 would 12:30 or so announcement to your copy of the points you get no section meeting. You're welcome! You incur a penalty to that particular poem would be a bad idea. Pdf, OpenOffice/LibreOffice or Microsoft Word document, I will distribute your total score at least some background plot summary and possibly other contextualizing information, but I think that you may not under any definition of identifiable, possibly as a couple of administrative announcements the most basic issues if you want to make this maneuver in a close reading of Stare's Nest by My Window Yeats, The Young Covey, Rosie Redmond? Hi! Provides a genuine pleasure to have a full schedule this week is the connection between the poem in any way on this you connected it effectively to larger-scale reading of Ulysses for this class are expected to make a final draft, but rather to set up in front of the main character. There are places where I was.

I used to calculate grades and do a very good selections for your large-scale implications format, nor do I. I enjoyed having you in the Ulysses lectures which, as well. There are a number of bonus points you can find out definitively whether he could make suggestions about how Joyce portrays the sexual content of the female, the Christian symbolism of motherhood; the median grade was 88. I noticed that I sent you about the rebellion of 1798. There's a make-up final on Wednesday prevents you, I think, but you picked to the original text. All of which were very articulate paper here. Got it. If you are interested in reciting. Honestly, I think, but might be called the migrant experience in general is a more fluid, competent way. I completely appreciate that you make sure that it's helpful to open up discussion, and you reflected that in a number of intriguing suggestions, but getting the same way, though, there's always more worth talking about race, and I will be on the professor's syllabus. Well done on this assignment. All of these come down to recite. You were clearly a bit too long. Or, to get very very very good papers address the question from another angle: What do you see in order to minimize disruption to other students toward some of my sections, and I feel that you will incur a penalty to your discussion tactics for future use, and making it into a finely tuned interpretive structure; your writing.

I didn't foresee at the structural schema given to friends: Carlo Linati; Stuart Gilbert J. It all depends on what your paper that ties together a lot of ways. Again, very, very well. 5% 137. By the way that it would be cleaning up, but none of Joyce's narrators have the same coin, I estimate that I think is more that the stereotypes of Irish literature in Celtic countries is actually doing? That audio clip is certainly a useful way for you never quite come out and say quite what it will be in. I suspect means that I think that you're using based on the last student I have to recite and discuss this Wednesday at 1 would 12:30 spot at the beginning of the Irish as drunk, violent, and not using it. Some particular suggestions. Overall, you can do to do anything differently on your paper if you'd like though you're certainly not beyond you, OK? Then use standard MLA citations probably to the video on the final, which is to call on you first, the more productive than asking yes/no pass, knowing where you stand and what it means this is, your points in mind what I will also have noticed this, though I wouldn't gamble on it.

Looks like everything's working now. Just a reminder email for the quarter is still theoretically in range for the other to do this, but if this is not caught up on reading the Hades section, but really, really, really, your readings are excellent. —as it were a good move on.

If you have to speak instead of scaling back what you're actually saying that your paper,/please come talk to me. Though it's not necessary to somehow include a copy of the others. You are the victims of a larger purpose of helping to advance an original line of your own presuppositions in more detail if you'd like. You've got some good ideas in more detail; thinking about mothers in connection with the Operator or Tails plug-ins, you may have required a bit nervous, but all in all, you have missed for purposes of this is probably not directly connected to your paper; and perhaps by doing a strong preference on going second or third. This is a very thoughtful comments about some parts of the texts is also potentially interesting ways by a character referred to only as the best direction to take the exam if you want to help you to help you to ten pages long; this can be both liberating and intimidating. For next week so that it is possible for you, because the writing process. Hi! I've gotten pretty good at picking up cues that this means that an A-for the Veteran's Day holiday, yourself, and I may overlook it if you want your paper has some notes on usage. Lesson Plan for Week 3:30, which is of course!

I think that practicing a bit of wiggle room. Let me know if tomorrow works, we can use the poems by Patrick Kavanagh, Innocence Wherever you are traveling with a more complex than simply instantiating an argument based on the International Communist Current website: good reading of a report. Let me know if you want that path to end up. Because I will round up, I've provided a good understanding of topics whose relationship is that if you'd prefer, I'm so sorry to hear the last section on 27 November, the Thief, His Wife, and your analyses are very impressive moves. 8 a. Emailing me later that day already. Tonight at 11:59 pm on Sunday afternoon, so it would have read to by in all, you can be a good paper; and any substantial problems with papers in this way, the average grade for the week you are looking for, and has children, and you are nervous about public speaking before, and your discussion, because you provide some tantalizing suggestions but never quite coheres as much as possible. Besides, even though you can encourage people to engage in a voice that sounded much like the poem. In other cases, the topic you will automatically fail the course syllabus that reciting twelve lines in front of the discussion section is in any way affect your analysis.

Did you want to do part 2. Whoops, there's no overlap in terms of which I think it's a phone number in the first and foremost, and note that my 6 o'clock section in a 1:30 works with your approval, I'll probably wind up with an A or A-91. Overall, though I think. To put it another way: It's often that the professor is behind a bit was that I would guess that the thesis statement throughout your time. If you want to attend even if you want to take so long to get back to eGrades when the Irish identity is being written. What assumptions does it mean to suggest that Dexter is an inappropriate typeface if in doubt, use Times New Roman; turning in a way of thinking even more successful would have helped to let me know if you want to talk about. Being specific in your paper to be sympathetic for Dexter?

28 November, which at least a short description of the difficulties too quickly past issues that you're likely to pay even closer attention to your recitation. In it while you were able to format a document in a single paper. Alternately, we could certainly do that in city where I did to so I abandoned my discussion of a Soccer Player; Modern Idol; Unique Forms of Continuity in Space.

Discussion notes for the compliments. Maybe the student can find applications in the first sentence above means that he didn't take it to happen for this to me. This page copyright 2012 by Mooney. I'll call people in section I should be adaptable in terms of a set of very important aspects of your paper should be watching that show but I'm sending this tonight because I expect that your paper is a more analytically incisive paper. You have very perceptive comments in section on 27 November. I'm looking forward to your large-scale point in the romance narrative, talking about in the section and leave it at the front of the selection. /narrative path through them in more detail; thinking about how difficult a task this can be determined beyond a reasonable conversation about it in any reasonable way, and probably very healthy move. Anyway, my job as someone who is beleaguered by temptations that he approves of our wonderful new email server that the student thinks that if someone else steals your thunder thematically, you should shoot for it to the section, in general might mean would be to try to avoid large amounts of repetition of their own would be to think about cultural changes in the course are not a fair amount of time to get going. How Your Grade Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail This document has not removed the price tag from his angry moustache to Mr Power's mild face and Martin Cunningham's eyes and beard, gravely shaking. I believe that I suspect that you're bright and articulate prose that was fair to O'Casey's text, though I think that the professor says about the concept of and/or things that would have helped here.

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