#but sometimes the robot is naked. I am not really in control of that I dont make the rules here

[themachine]

Can we get a heart in the chat for love

[doctor-bus]

I tend to have extremely vivid (sometimes lucid, though I don't have much control) dreams, but there are two that really take the cake for me. Under a readmore because they're long

The first one was a nightmare I had once while taking a nap. It was a really long dream, and most of it was just me going through my daily life, doing things like sitting at my desk on my computer, talking to my mom at home, attending class, ect ect ect. All super mundane and not scary at all. Except every so often my ex would call me, and I didn't want to talk to this ex so I was ignoring the calls.

Except later on, I was rushing across the university campus I was attending at the time and not really paying attention, so when my phone rang I answered it on reflex. Instead of my ex, it was a robotic, automated sounding voice listing off a description. Things like "He is: blonde. He has: blue eyes. He is: 6 foot 5. He is: 200 lbs." It was weird and creepy, so I quickly hung up before the message ended. I sent a couple texts to my mom and friends about this weird ass spam call I got and then just went to class.

The rest of the day in the dream, I kept getting the calls and ignoring them. I knew that it would be the same voice if I picked up, and I really didn't want to get involved in whatever weird bullshit that was.

Then it was evening, and I'd just gotten out of the shower. I remember the sensory detail of the steam in the hallway being extremely vivid (I think just because I was overheating under the blanket). I stepped from my bathroom into my bedroom (in nothing but a bath towel, as I hadn't finished drying off yet) and immediately grabbed my phone off my desk to check it, but my hands were still kind of wet so I fumbled it and accidentally called the number back. It fell on the ground and I had to kneel down to pick it up. By the time I did, it was already partway through the message

"He is: blonde. He has: blue eyes. He is: 6 foot 5. He is: 200 lbs. He is: right handed. He is: 15 ft away."

And at that moment I realize that I am supposed to find this person, and that this person is coming to find me.

My bedroom only had two possible points of entry, one door and one window. I was near the door, so I backed up a little and angled myself so that I could see both at the same time.

My closet door opened behind me.

I scrambled back from the closet towards my desk and window, and this guy slowly climbs out of my closet wearing a tattered, old, incredibly creepy dinosaur costume. It looked sort of like a cursed, hand-sewn doll, stained + faded blue fabric and black bead eyes. He has to sort of bend down to get the long neck and head out, but then he stands upright and is absolutely looming over me, and I'm still kneeling on my floor pretty much naked.

I know with full certainty that whatever the voice sent him here to do will not end well for me. So I quickly grabbed a dagger off my desk (one I'd looked at online right before the dream but didn't end up buying) and stabbed upward at him, right into his crotch.

And out of the wound came dozens and dozens of hands, all grabbing me and pulling me into the split seam.

Then I woke up and spent the rest of the day going "what the absolute fuck was that?!?!?" lol

The other one was less scary, but very emotionally moving.

I dreamed that I was an actor, and that I played the villainess on a power-rangers type show. It was kind of hokey and cheesy, but I was part of an evil power couple with another character, both themed after pollution (for the good guys to beat back, ofc). Like I think I was styled after oil and he was styled after industrial smoke or something???

Anyway, our characters are in evil love or whatever, and we were kind of flirting too. Nothing had come of it yet, but we had really good chemistry and spent a lot of time making flirty banter in between filming scenes at this park in my home town.

(Also at one point we, and a bunch of our coworkers, kicked the shit out of a truck with awful transphobic bumper stickers and ran away lol.)

Anyway, I wanted to keep things going with this guy, but he was really hesitant, saying things like how I didn't really know him and I needed to understand; it's not just his character, he really is toxic. Saying that it's better if we end it there and whatnot.

But then the show got cancelled and we all got fired. (Maybe partially bc of the truck incident. We didn't get caught, but there were enough trans people and allies in the cast and crew that we were suspected. The guy may not have had a name but he DID have blue hair and pronouns, and he was super understanding that I'm non-binary even though I was playing a femme fatale)

I said that was stupid, and that I wanted to keep seeing him, and he kind of relented and said he wanted to keep seeing me too.

Throughout the rest of the dream, we'd meet up periodically. I was doing some other stuff too (there was a weird nonsense segment where I was astral projecting to a Thanksgiving feast and my cousin spilled sprite on the stove and I couldn't clean it up bc I couldn't touch anything??? but that wasn't really relevant).

Anyway, I kept meeting up with this guy, but some things were off. Like, I'd try to call him one day and it'd say it was disconnected, but then he'd call me back from that same number a few hours later. There was another point where I walked the apartment building that I thought he lived in, only to see it burnt out and abandoned, but then later when I walked by again it was normal and I could see him in the lobby through the window. So I kind of assumed that maybe I was mistaken? Maybe I'd gotten lost? But then google maps also said the building was abandoned. But I was like, whatever.

And I had a really good romance with this guy, like, it felt like we had a very serious relationship for months.

Then out of the blue, he says we need to break up. I'm emotionally devastated, asking why, crying, saying that I really love him and I thought we were happy??

And he looks me dead in the eye and says

"Because I'm not real. And the closer you get to me, the closer you come to not being real either."

And then I woke up, feeling a profound sense of loss for the life we had together. I still remember him fondly sometimes, even though it was only a dream.

Anyway if you read all that, thanks for coming to my TED talk lol. I have a lot of cinematic dreams like this, but these two are def the wildest.

I’m so nosy what’s the weirdest, strangest, most insane dream you’ve ever had?

[wnnbdarklord]

EDIT: so I started writing this like a week ago, but honestly the finale killed any desire in me to interact with this show in a fannish way. So have these half assed notes. I think it's obvious where I lost steam. These ideas are free for use for anyone who wants them in fic, have at you. As it is, I don't think I'll interact with this show as a fan any further than this.

How I would write a Loki show in bullet points (and a mishmash of short scenes and dialogue, let's be honest) for my sanity!

Presuming some disney exec came down from on high and forced the inclusion of EG!Loki and the TVA (because otherwise it'd be IW!Loki that survived and it'd be all about him finding his best life away from Earth, Asgard, Thor and the whole Thanos/EG situation. Or if I only had to include the TVA, it'd be IW!Loki dealing with the TVA, not EG!Loki):

Fair warning: this will likely be a mess since I'm not entirely motivated to not have it be so. 

[cut for length]

Ep1:

- Loki escapes to Nidavelir and uses the tools there to get rid of the chains and muzzle. A CONTROLLED use of the Tesseract, thankyouverymuch

- the TVA comes for him and Loki is wary and on the alert, exhausted from the whole Avengers thing so he immediately makes a clone to interact with the TVA and observes from afar

- the TVA fall for it when they try to bitchslap him like in the show, but immediately regroup when it goes through the illusion and start a search pattern. Their tech can scan for his temporal aura and they close in on Loki quickly (show the TVA as at least somewhat competent or they're shit antagonists for Loki)

- Loki, who still has hold of the Tesseract, portals out of there

- what follows is a quick chase scene across multiple planets and realms, but the TVA are always on his heels. The longest time they take to find him is during an ongoing apocalypse on a random planet that's enough for Loki to get a quick breather. but you know, disaster's on the horizon, so he has to leave eventually. but this is the first clue both we as an audience and Loki get about potential hiding places.

- when an exhausted Loki finally turns to fight, he manages to take several minutemen out  (justifying B-15's hate on for him) before one of them gets in a lucky shot and freezes him

- "Who are you people?" [short flash of Loki's eyes flashing green and the entire scene getting a strange cast, floating energy swirling around everything. It's beautiful, but the TVA people's energy is out of sync, out of touch and strangely jagged compared to their surroundings]

- they slap the collar on him and march him into the TVA

- Loki immediately tries to pull the same illusion trick but it doesn't work cause no magic in the TVA (maybe some visual indication of what he's trying to do, but it doesn't go past his skin. You know, like Sylvie managed in ep 3 -.-)

- he doesn't wildly panic, but we see his breathing speed up and he immediately looks at his left hand and relaxes when he sees it isn't turning blue. 

- okay so the TVA have caught him, he's on their shit list, no magic, exhausted, no idea what's going on, who these people are or how powerful they are - he chooses to play nice for now and bide his time

- the whole intake process is spent in quiet observation mode, only speaking when spoken to

- discomfort at being out of his clothes, but maybe only a wry joke about them wanting to strip him naked (making him a participant in all the thirst jokes)

- he doesn't ask if a lot of people don't know they're robots like a child wanting validation and he's not visibly afraid. Instead, we see him look at his hand again and try for wry humor when asking. But he steps into the device without much hesitation. It's death vs certainty and we already know he's chosen death once before.

- the propaganda cartoon is much shorter and plays in the background so we can see Loki's incredulous eyebrow raise at it. the ticket thing gets an eyeroll, but ready compliance since it's not worth it to argue

- when he sees the other guy get "pruned", he immediately reaches for the ticket to reassure himself it's there, but doesn't wave it around triumphantly, just sighs in relief

- trial can stay mostly unchanged, just no stupid magic attempt in the middle

"It's not your story, Mr. Laufeyson, it never was" (AND THIS SHALL BE PROVEN FALSE, you know, unlike in the show where it turned out to be their fucking mission statement) also, Loki gives her murder eyes for calling him that

- in fact, instead of trying magic, Loki holds up the controller he stole from  B-15 as she was escorting him to the trial and waves as he disappears through a door backwards

After that scene is the church scene with bodies, establishing Mobius as a hunter of dangerous variants. Someone is killing TVA officers

Mobius gets called back as in canon, but arrives too late to stop our Loki from leaving

Sidenote: Loki still has the tesseract since it was in his pocket dimension during the fight the TVA nabbed him in

Ep 2:

- it's now a few days/weeks later. Loki is back in his own clothes, a simpler outfit not geared for war. He's in the biggest library in the universe, the depository of almost all knowledge, looking for information about the TVA. there is Nothing, suspiciously so

- once again, the TVA shows up and he has to run yet again. maybe he kills this team too, to buy himself more time. he steals a melt stick and more time pads and reset charges

- he needs more information and the only place he'll get it is at the TVA it seems, so he shapeshifts into his female form, dressed as one of the many paperpushers at the TVA and we see her being relieved that the spelled clothing is holding once she passes through the time door

(another aside, but ideally the female form is more like Eva Green or Katie McGrath. AND NOT BLONDE)

- acting like she belongs, Loki effortlessly manages to snoop around the TVA for a few hours

- there's only one close call with C-20, but Loki manages to deflect suspicion by parroting the motto at her, which Loki reads from a nearby propaganda poster (cause Loki is good at lying, manipulation and flying by the seat of their pants)

- eventually, she ends up at the archive area and begins researching. We see that Loki is competent at this and is quick to pick up the filing system. the variant number from the papers she signed the episode before becomes relevant to finding the appropriate files

- before she can dig too deep into her own life story as laid out by these people, just as she finds the Ragnarok Report, Mobius finds her (maybe there was a silent alarm triggered by unauthorized access or something. Slightly more competent TVA)

- there is a scene where Mobius and Loki play a game of chicken and manipulation, wordplay and lying until it becomes clear Mobius knows who Loki is (actually establishing some camaraderie)

- Loki gets a little hoisted by their own petard since they're enjoying the banter so much, the backup Mobius called for catches them a little off guard, collared again

- since info gathering is still the name of the game, Loki doesn't try to get away just yet

(during this entire scene, Mobius is the same offhandedly condescending prick he is in canon, but it's very obviously framed that way)

(also featuring confirmation of the genderfluidity thing because fuck you disney)

M: "Nice disguise. Really had me fooled for a second there."

L: "It's hardly a disguise. I am always myself."

[Loki shifts back to male, though the clothes remain the same (shifting =/= magic)]

M: "Yeah, well, next time you want to go undercover at the TVA, maybe don't choose a face we already have from several other of your variants."

[Loki twitches a little, since that wasn't a form he openly wore a lot (even when he wanted to) cause Asgard is a dick about shifting genders] 

L: "And how does that work exactly?"

M: "Got your entire life on file, buddy. But you know, sometimes Asgard isn't a complete stick in the mud the day you gather enough courage to show up to dinner in a dress. We usually have to prune those timelines quickly."

[Loki's grin is more like a snarl, frozen on his face, since he picks up the implications loud and clear (the implication being that him being too happy is not allowed in the Sacred Timeline)]

M: [picks up the files Loki was looking at] "Come on, I've got something to show you."

-cue time theater scene

-that little scene of looking out at the TVA does not feature Loki being impressed or awed at the TVA's tech. It features him being scared/uneasy because the TVA is completely dead to his senses. Loki's eyes do the same flash as before, but everything is completely dull, no energy anywhere. He can barely see some swirls on his own arms]

-Loki asks why this charade, Mobius tells him the TVA is willing to come to an agreement with Loki for his help

"You're not the only one running around messing up the Sacred Timeline. Come on, job interview time."

(it's really really not)

- Mobius tries the same schtick as before, but it's both less and more effective. Less cause Loki has had a bit more time to collect himself since the invasion, more cause he's more aware of the TVA's power and has been chased by them for a while now

- we see Loki being affected by the Frigga thing BUT he also picks up how edited the reel is

- still, he lets Mobius do the "only thing you're good for" bit until we see him look up with murder in his eyes, even through the tears

- "I am going to burn this place to the ground and I am going to start with you. That is my bargain."

"Yeah, cause your "bargains" [Mobius full on air quotes here] work out so well for you," he says, offering Loki a hand up

-cue alarm and Mobius rushing out

-Loki grabs the files Mobius left behind, and also the tape in the hologram projector and escapes

- no infinity stones scene, cause Loki still has the Tesseract and doesn't go to look for more

- cut to the TVA running around in a panic, multiple branches forming on the displays. It's the same bombing plot as in the show, but now serving as a distraction for Loki to get away

- when they figure this out, Ravonna: "You should have just pruned him when you found him. There's a reason we don't reset Loki variants. Our luck always runs out eventually with them. Fix this, Mobius. Or you'll have to answer to the TimeKeepers."

- back to Loki, he steps out into chaos as something explodes behind him. He's in another apocalypse. During his running from the TVA, he noticed it takes them longer to find him whenever there's a lot of chaos around him, death and destruction. He finds a still intact building, seems high tech. Everyone else has already evacuated

- he takes the Tesseract out and blue and green energy surges around him and engulfs the building. It's suddenly quiet and we see outside the windows are pitch black 

- Loki quickly looks away

"Finally, some peace and quiet."

He slumps down to the floor, files scattered around him, tesseract nearby and curls up, dejected and exhausted 

Side note: Loki doesn't need to worry about recharging tempads since he has the tesseract, which was established in Avengers as able to provide infinite energy

Ep 3:

- he finds out about the variants in this episode, maybe goes looking for other variants before the TVA finds them

-how Loki finds out the TVA are all variants: he'd knocked out B-15 for a bit to interrogate her

-they're found by another team of minutemen, led by B-16, who is wearing B-15's face. Several of the other minutemen we've seen Loki kill in earlier episodes as well. They attack *both* of them cause they assume B-15 is compromised. Loki and B-15 work together and kill the whole lot, staring at each other incredulously

"You're Variants! You're all Variants!"

[B-15 collapses to her knees in shock] 

End episode

EDIT: My basic idea for episodes 4 & 5 were Loki and B-15 working together and travelling through various timelines trying to get to the TimeKeepers, but realizing something was wrong the further they went. Time begins breaking down, paradoxes are all over the place and the TVA keeps pruning some specific place so much that sometimes two teams are on top of each other. Stuff like that. 

I also had a few scenes where Loki meets other variants (that aren't him), but who actually like and even love him. Men, women, variations thereupon, and one or two who would mistake Loki for their Loki. So we get bi confirmation without actually including romance in the show itself, because 6 episodes isn't enough to develop that along with everything else that's going on.

Vaguely outlined here: 

My "how to include the bi thing without the main story being a romance and also indicating that Loki is able to be liked and loved by people who aren't just variants of himself, please and thank you":

(note to self, rewrite this so it makes sense lol EDIT: lol, don't feel like it so this is all you get, folks!) 

a variant significant other, male: kisses Loki

Loki: You are clearly my type, but I'm sorry. I'm not him.

[heartbroken expression on the variant]

from another timeline Loki visits:

woman holding a sword to his head after looking at him suspiciously: Change back!

Loki: Into who?!

woman: Her!

[Loki shapeshifts into his female self]

woman lets go of the sword

"You escaped! When Odin took you away, I thought he would kill you. Why did you never come back to me, my love?"

EDIT: My "twist" ending was that the Time Keepers were dead, not that they never existed. Some sort of mcguffin exists to just break the whole TVA and free the timelines. Idk, maybe the TVA was just a test to see if it'd work, but the system just kept perpetuating itself after the power hungry losers kept it going beyond the bounds of the experiment. Either way: 

villain plot twist: the time keepers are long dead. the TVA is a terrible system that perpetuated itself on its own, only a few judges were aware that the timekeepers had ever died. The entire System Has To Go (lol like disney would ever go there)

The system is literally Killing the Universe, since the universe's natural state of being is a multiverse. But the system don't care, system don't give a shit. System only exists to perpetuate itself, system's survival is the most important, catastrophic universal failure need not apply

(this is way too on the nose for disney, but since this rewrite's motto is Fuck Disney, it shall stay)

EDIT: this was how I imagined the climax of the series.

Mobius or Ravonna (i never decided): "All the chaos, all the possibilities? How can you stand the uncertainty? How can you believe the world will be any better than it is now?"

Loki: "Because it has to be!" [smashy smashy TVA]

series ends with the timeline breaking free

we see various scenes of the variants in their former lives, happy

and AU scenes of the previous movies:

Loki gets pulled up on the bridge

Loki accepts Thor's offer during the Avengers

Loki gets up on Svartalfheim, bleeding heavily, but doesn't go to Asgard but to Thor

Loki tricks Thanos during IW

Loki as an Avenger

Loki as a kid

Loki as a girl

Loki on jotunheim, fully jotun

Loki on Asgard, jotun

faster and faster, all sorts of different AU scenes until the screen goes dark and we see our Loki, smirking

"But...well, those are stories for another time."

and he steps back into the shadows.

[imaginationjunkie]

Say the word

Jason Todd x Reader

It’s kinda heartwarming

I tried to control my fast breaths, lifting my head from the crook of Jason’s neck to give him a lazy kiss. Deliriousness coursed through our veins, minds hazy from the aftermath bliss of an intimate climax.

Being apart for weeks for his mission and my conference clearly had one gigantic perk- the mad intense I-missed-you-so-fucking-much sex.

It doesn’t matter if it was the first or the thousandth time, the feeling of his body against mine never failed to weaken my limbs to mush and warm my heart, like it’s soup being heated up on a stove.

A smile split my lips as I tried lifting my naked body up from his chest, and failing. The thick, muscular arms that were tightly wrapped around my waist stopped me from doing so. It made me smile wider and lean down to put my lips on Jason’s.

“You know you’re gonna have to stop doing that right?” I murmured, running my fingers through his dark raven locks. A chaste kiss was placed on my cheek by his smirking lips.

“Hmm? Doing what?”

I leaned down so that our bare chests pressed against each other, lips hovering over his. My whisper was naughty as I answered him.

“Why should I? We both seem to like it so very much,” Jason nuzzled his nose against mine with a mischievous smirk.

“Because if by any chance I get preggers before marriage, my parents will chase you to the ends of the earth and decapitate the crap out of you,” I whispered jokingly, but meant every word. “And then after they’re done with you, they’ll feed me to the demons.”

My ever-so-daring boyfriend’s reply was to lowly chuckle and simply kiss my shoulder. 

Affection came naturally to us now, especially since Jason had been touch starved practically since birth. The first few months of our relationship, I had to have a mental debate every time before touching him; how far I should go with the cuddling, to hold his hand or not, put my legs on his body while cuddling or not...

Unlike his brother Dick, who much to Jason’s irritation loved pulling me into a tight hug every time we met, Jason just wasn’t the affectionate type.

After a few months, I understood how badly he needed to be touched- to be loved, to be comforted. When he got the message that it’s okay to hold me as much as he wants, that there’s finally someone he can lose himself in, someone he can love, he found a way to touch me every spare moment we spent together. Kissing my neck, nuzzling his nose, holding my hips, putting his large hand on the small of my back or around my waist, constantly lifting me onto his lap- the list’s never ending.

“I’m serious, a child out of wedlock is beyond just a sinful taboo in my family,” I booped his nose, leaning my forearms on his chest to hold my upper body up.

Jason pretended to be lost in thought for a while before suddenly rolling our bodies over to our sides, the ridges and sinewy muscles of his defined chest flush against my back. He tucked the messy portion of my hair out of the way before kissing from my neck up to the back of my ear. 

“Well since marriage is out of the question, I’ve no option than to not make my pull out game weak,” his tongue darted out to lick my ear teasingly.

Ignoring the pang that hit my heart at his statement about marriage, I turned to swat his chest teasingly. My lips were unable to hold back a grin at his reference to WAP .

“What? You’re the one who keeps dancing to it every morning,” Jason grinned back at me.

“It’s 4 am, we should sleep,” I shook my head at him, turning to face forward again. Jason and my shared bedroom turned dark as he flicked the dim bedside lamp off, making the glow of moonlight our only source of light.

The warmth from having his arms encased around me brought a serene feeling, making me think about how impossible it’d be to live without Jason Todd. 

“I love you,” he murmured against my neck.

My eyes closed shut, senses overwhelmed with the depth of my feelings.

“I love you,” I whispered back.

I had an amazing life- loving and supporting, albeit sometimes overbearing, parents, a great job, a pretty apartment, and a man I’m certain I’d love and be loved by for the rest of my life. For the entirety of my existence, I’ve had the one thing Jason never did- stability. 

But when it’s meant to be, it’ll always be. 

God, fate or whatever higher force is up there looking over us made sure to let our souls find each other. Cherish each other. 

I knew Jason’s views on marriage and children. It was hard enough for him to indulge himself with something as normal as a committed relationship, that too for two and a half years; but it’d actually be impossible for him to be a husband, a father. He didn’t have a basic job in the least, and thus didn’t think tying the knot and being a family man would be suitable for him. 

Ever since I was a little girl, one of the things I’ve wanted greatly was to be married to the man I loved someday. But for Jason I could give it up. I could give up the hopes of having a ring on my finger and a baby on my belly, because he means more to me than anything ever will.

¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡

*2 months later, New Year’s eve night at the Wayne Manor backyard*

“Damian, those aren’t fireworks, they’re explosives!”

At my alarmed exclaim, Dick quickly snatched the big box from his younger brother’s hands, waddling his finger as if to say ‘no no’.

“They’re fireworks,”  Jason assured from behind. “The kid and I labelled it explosives so Dick doesn’t steal it,”

Dick’s face scrunched up in confusion, “”Why would I steal your fireworks? I’ve better things to do for fu-”

“Miss, the barbecue is ready. Would you like to add the last bit of sauce on top?” The always-polite and everyone’s favorite Alfred smartly interrupted Dick from saying the curse word.

Every time I practically forced my boyfriend, his brothers and father into having a family night, Alfred let me help with the food; and since I suck beyond words at cooking, he always gave me the easy tasks to do.

Now if you’re thinking that prevented me from considering myself as the world’s second Martha Stewart, you’re wrong.

I clapped my hands together in delight, “I’d love to!”

“No she wouldn’t,” Jason, Dick and Tim said at the same time.

I turned to them, perplexed at their concurrent interference. 

Taking note of the unusual shiftiness in the boys’ stances, I raised a brow- “And why is that?”

Out of the three suspicious-looking brothers, Dick replied- “Because there’s only 20 minutes till midnight and you have to help us set the fireworks off!”

Now both my eyebrows rose, and I crossed my arms against my chest.

“So you’re telling me,” I said in slow amusement, dragging the words sarcastically. “That three of the strongest night vigilantes of Gotham, one being a violent nutcase once,” a look was thrown in Jason’s direction, “Needs an ordinary girl to set off fireworks?”

This time Tim responded, “Well you see, we’ve never set them off. None of us has ever had the chance to have a normal new years with fireworks and a countdown,”

“Really?” I deadpanned, voice turning into a shrill by the end of the question, “So have I been planning and working my ass off every new year’s for the past three years to make robots happy?”

Tim realized his mistake, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head before trying to redeem himself. “But we’ve never had a family new years, y’know, with the barbecue and fireworks,”

“Also, you’re nowhere near ordinary,” Jason added in a low voice as he came to stand behind me and kissed my temple. I rolled my eyes at the cheesiness, wrapping an arm around the middle of both the boys’ backs.

Right then Damian piped in, surprising everyone. “Plus you’re not a girl, you’re a woman,” he emphasized on the last word, making Jason scoff with a smirk and everyone else laugh.

It didn’t take long for me to grow on Damian, making him accept and like me. From what I heard from his brothers and Alfred, he didn’t like most people and never went easy on newcomers. I was especially concerned about getting Jason’s family to like me, since he didn’t have much of a good relationship with them and I wanted to change that. In the end everyone ended up accepting me; and gradually even treating me as one of their own. Dick and I were practically best friends.

Despite what he used to say, I knew Jason loved them all like they were his own blood; so I knew that it meant a great deal to him to rekindle his relationships with them.

Bruce Wayne’s voice spoke for the first time that evening, “Good evening, my apologies for the delay,”

An awkward silence took over our so-far cozy night. All of the boys looked other directions, not acknowledging their dad who never bothered to show up to any family days on time. I tried my best to knit the boys together, help them get close and create a bond; and saying that I succeeded wouldn’t be a lie. But the fact that Bruce couldn’t even take one day off from his billionaire/ vigilante duties sort of upset me every time.

Jason scoffed, his mouth opening to say something undoubtedly snarky to his father. But before he had the chance to I stepped on his shoe and gripped his hand tightly, silencing him.

“It’s okay Bruce, at least you made it,” I smiled.

The excruciatingly tense atmosphere was cracked by Dick, “I still need help with the fireworks, anyone up for it?”

“I’ll come!” I was quick to squeak and walk towards him.

“Me too,” Damian grumbled, following me.

Tim was the last one. “Yeah, me as well.”

“Great, so you guys do the fireworks and Jaybird and I will be right back!” Dick clapped his hands together in perky delight, pushing Jason’s back forward as they walked into the manor. From the distance, I saw Jason shrug Dick’s hand off before glaring at him. Again, confusion filled me at their strange behavior tonight.

“What was that about?” I asked Tim.

He smiled, “Nothing, probably just vigilante stuff.”

As the minutes passed by, the new year came nearer and nearer. The three of us successfully managed to set off the first batch of fireworks, looking up at the sky and laughing freely. Even Bruce had a small smile as he took a sip of his drink, looking up and the lit up sky with a hand in his pocket.

When it was about 10 minutes to the clock ticking 12:00 am, worry started to cloud the excitement I was feeling; but Tim and Damian were quick to distract it.

“Now can we do the grand purple one?” Damian gave me a rare pleading look.

“Yeah we can, but where’re Jason and Dick? They’re gonna miss new year’s,” I voiced my concern. 

Right then, my phone started ringing. 

Incoming video call from mom.

I answered, knowing that my parents were calling to say Happy New Year like they did every year. What rendered me surprised after receiving the call was that almost my entire family was on the frame of my mom’ video- two of my aunts, uncles and all the cousins I’m close to. Which are a lot.

I’m a family person, if you couldn’t tell already.

“Hi baby!” My mom grinned.

I grinned back, glee taking over the initial confusion.“Hey y’all! Are you having a New Years party without me?”

One of my younger cousins replied, “Sort of, now show us!”

My brows furrowed, “Show you what?”

A string of ‘oh shit’s sounded from mom’s side, further increasing my confusion.

Out of the blue, Dick intervened from behind me, “The fireworks of course!”

A sudden bang! took us all by surprise, and I looked up to see the huge purple fireworks lighting the dark canvas of the sky up. A wide grin split my lips, along with all the other boys as they whooped at the different shades of purple. It happened to be my favorite color. 

I felt the familiar warmth of Jason’s body against my back before hearing or seeing him. The digital clock on the top corner of my phone read 11:55 pm. Not being able to contain my excitement, I subconsciously shoved my phone to Tim, who was beside me, while my family was still on video. I raised a hand to point at the sky.

“Jay look, it’s all so purple!”

And then something happened. Something I wouldn’t even dream of imagining.

Jason’s larger hand rose to the level of mine, which was still pointing up at the sky. He spread my fingers out so that my hand was displayed open. I turned to look at my boyfriend, not quite understanding his intentions.

His eyes were trained on mine, a golden and purple reflection from the fireworks and balcony lights visible on the glossy blue orbs. 

Our eyes stayed on each other’s as I felt something cold graze the top of my ring finger.

In the background I heard Dick harshly whisper, “Tim, the song!”

I wasn’t dumb. I knew what my boyfriend was holding on top of that finger.

Jason’s lips were an inch away from my ear as he spoke clearly, not a hint of hesitation in his voice, “Just say the word, and I’ll put a ring on you.” 

I couldn’t even look at it as I tried to get over the giant bucket of emotions that was thrown over me. Shock, flabbergast, sheer happiness, disbelief, excitement, a rush of adrenaline. My heart threatened to beat the crap out of my chest.

“Jason,” I whispered, my eyes fluttering shut as he put his chin on my shoulder, inches from mine. “What. Are. You. Doing??”

He bit his lip, smiling before cryptically answering. “I love you.”

“I thought you didn’t want to get married?” I questioned again. “Do you think I’m pregnant? Are you doing this cause-?” my voice was breathy.

Jason smirked, his unoccupied arm going round me from behind to rest on the other side of my waist. “No baby, I don’t. The twenty something negative pregnancy sticks on the bathroom trash sort of made it clear that you aren’t pregnant.”

I couldn’t hold back my own grin from his teasing. For the first time, I turned my head to look at our hands. The sky was phenomenal in the background of them, a swirl of blue, red and purple as Damian and Dick continued setting the fireworks off. Tim was holding my phone up to where Jason and I were standing, undoubtedly showing the scene to my family. Now I knew why they were all gathered together to call me.

“You asked my parents?”

Jay rubbed his nose on my cheek, his smart-assery coming to action as he quoted my words from that night two months ago- “Of course, wouldn’t wanna be chased to the end of the earth and be decapitated the crap out of now, would I?”

The boys all had blinding bright and hopeful grins on their faces; even Damian! Alfred’s expression could only be described with one adjective- delight, and Bruce had an odd smile as he saw the straight-out-of-a-movie scene unfold.

I turned my head to the side to look at Jason again, grin faltering to a small smile.

This time nervousness coated his expression and words as he asked once again, “Will you marry me?“

I heard my mom speak through the phone, “Oh come on, stop torturing the poor boy! Answer already!“

Taking a deep breath, I leaned my head even closer to Jason’s. His blue eyes pierced into mine with their intensity, and my lips touched his as I said the word softly. 

“Yes.”

[letterboxd]

Watching John Malkovich.

To understand better why Letterboxd members set out on quests to watch specific actors’ entire filmographies, we invited Tim Rod to describe her dangerous and seductive journey through John Malkovich’s screen history.

For many film lovers, 2020 has been a year of catching up: on franchises, on directors’ filmographies, on historical gaps and top 100s. But for some Letterboxd members, the year indoors has been an opportunity to hyper-focus on a single actor and their work.

Jeremiah Lambert is on a Bacon Fest, Naked Airplane has embarked on a wild ride through the works of De Niro, Hackman, Hoffman, Nicholson and Pacino. Joey is preparing for next year’s centennial of The Kid by churning through Charlie Chaplin’s catalog (with David Robinson’s biography Chaplin: His Life and Art in hand). A quick Twitter survey found others churning through a performer selection as wide-ranging as Burt Lancaster, Parker Posey, Maggie Smith, Nicolas Cage, Cary Grant, Kevin Costner, Robin Williams, Adèle Haenel, Alan Arkin, Sam Rockwell and a Seth Rogen thirst project.

It can be a bumpy journey. In one performer’s oeuvre the quality will range widely, the genres too. But the rewards are many in a close study of craft, and there are revelations, whether it’s that Australia’s Miranda Otto deserves more recognition, or it’s “the total acceptance, lack of judgment, and vulnerability with which Alan Arkin has played so many of his flawed and wonderful characters”.

With Christian Bale in ‘Empire of the Sun’ (1987).

In 2020, no fewer than three movies and two television series starring John Malkovich have been released: Arkansas, Valley of the Gods and Ava, as well as The New Pope and Space Force. The legendary actor has kept himself busy, and I know this because I have seen most of his filmography—41 films and two series—in the span of a single month. I adore Malkovich, always have, and I came out of this experience with a deeper admiration for him, and with some thoughts about his unique, remarkable skills as an actor. (And, I had a really good time.)

Allow me to begin by saying that John Malkovich is the best part of every movie he is in. No matter the movie, Malkovich will always steal the spotlight, and he can turn a good movie into a masterpiece, or an average movie that wouldn’t catch anyone’s attention into one worth watching, if only to see him do his thing.

He’s starred in movies that are considered masterpieces by many: Being John Malkovich (1999), The Killing Fields (1984) and Empire of the Sun (1987). Movies that may be considered the opposite of masterpieces, like Supercon (2018), Eragon (2006) and the most recent Ava (2020), and he’s also starred in some gems that I knew nothing about but am glad to have discovered, such as The Convent (1995), Eleni (1985) and The Ogre (1996). Malkovich has brought to life iconic characters including Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Tom Ripley, Hercule Poirot (in BBC’s The ABC Murders), the artist Gustav Klimt, and several of David Lynch’s people, in the short film Psychogenic Fugue (2016).

As Mitch Leary in ‘In the Line of Fire’ (1993).

Malkovich has received two Academy Award nominations, for Places in the Heart (1984), in which he played Edna’s lodger, the solitary yet kind Mr. Will, and for In the Line of Fire (1993), where he played the complete opposite: the psychotic Mitch Leary, determined to kill the President of the United States. Though Malkovich is not a classic action-film actor, his work in that genre is driven by logic, intellect and emotion, and the delicacy that he employs to challenge concepts of masculinity and keep us guessing. His soft and collected voice threatening Clint Eastwood over the phone is scarier and more effective than a deeper one would have been.

That voice. Malkovich has admitted that he hates the sound of it, that he would always avoid listening to it, just like so many actors avoid watching their own films, but I’m bewitched by his voice and I could never get enough of it. It can be tender, sweet and calming, seductive when the role requires it, and terrifying. With that versatility, it’s not surprising that he has done some narrating work as well, for films including Paul Newman’s The Glass Menagerie (1987) and Alive (1993).

Malkovich is at his best when seduction and villainy combine, as they do in Dangerous Liaisons (1988). Vicomte Sébastien de Valmont has been performed by many actors over the years, but I find Malkovich’s take to be the most memorable and exquisite. He captures perfectly the depravity and evilness of Valmont, but also the nuances, his journey from womanizer to man genuinely in love and, ultimately, his tragic redemption. He even brings a comedic aspect to the character that adds more depth and dimension.

With Glenn Close in ‘Dangerous Liaisons’ (1988).

Valmont is an awful human being, a monster even, and yet, every time I watch this movie, I find myself fascinated by his mastery of the deception, his sensuality and complete control of the situation, until the situation is “beyond his control”. In her review of the film, Catherine Stebbins calls John Malkovich “a sexual force of nature”, and I completely agree. If you want to see more of Malkovich’s sensual side, other notable mentions include The Sheltering Sky (1990), The Object of Beauty (1991) and Beyond the Clouds (1995).

And then there’s Being John Malkovich (1999), in which ‘John Horatio Malkovich’ displays so many facets of his craft. The fictionalized Malkovich is possessed by different characters, one of them a woman. Catherine Keener’s character falls in love with a subtly different version of Malkovich, when he is a vessel for Lotte (Cameron Diaz). Even though Lotte doesn’t have full control of Malkovich, he uses his femininity to bring the character-inside-the-character to center stage, delivering a subtle-yet-perfect performance. Even when we don’t see Lotte, we know she’s there.

John Malkovich as John Horatio Malkovich possessed by Lotte, in ‘Being John Malkovich’ (1999).

Not many actors could pull this off as brilliantly as John Malkovich does. To be fair, not many actors have been given the chance that Spike Jonze and Charlie Kaufman gave Malkovich: a film with his own name in the title.

I’ve discussed some of the most well-known of Malkovich’s performances, but I’d like to mention an overlooked one that I found heartbreaking and noteworthy. I didn’t know of the existence of The Ogre (1996) until I took a closer look at Malkovich’s filmography. It’s not without its flaws, but I found myself absorbed in the fairy-tale story of Abel, a naïve French prisoner of war who is taken to Nazi Germany and used to recruit children for Hitler’s Youth. Once again, the actor’s duality is on display, as Evan writes in his Letterboxd review: “Malkovich is both queasy and endearing as the (ig)noble simp who just wants to save the babies.” The Ogre tells a tragic story, but thanks to Malkovich’s tenderness, we can’t help but have sympathy for his character. At times it reminded me of the innocence of Lennie in Of Mice and Men (1992), another of the actor’s more noteworthy performances.

One of Malkovich’s great contributions to cinema is elevating an average movie just by being in it. One such role is as English conman Alan Conway in the bizarre true story, Colour Me Kubrick (2005). Malkovich admitted in an interview that he thought his performance was good, and I agree. If there’s one reason to watch that film, it’s to see Malkovich playing an eccentric conman who poses as Stanley Kubrick, using different voices and accents. As TajLV writes, “if there were anything to commend this film other than Malkovich, I’d happily rate it higher”.

As Alan Conway in ‘Colour Me Kubrick’ (2005).

One fun fact: I sometimes forget John Malkovich is American. Maybe it’s because he has starred in many European productions—out of the 41 films I watched, 18 were European. Malkovich is of European descent, has lived in France for a decade and speaks fluent French, which allowed him to star as the mysterious Baron de Charlus in Time Regained (1999), with entirely French dialogue. He also delivers lines in French and Portuguese in A Talking Picture (2003) by Manoel de Oliveira.

You’ve probably heard Malkovich use words, expressions and even entire lines of French dialogue on more than one occasion. He does this often, which gives him a certain European vibe, consistent with his own character, mannerisms and dress sense—elements that he sometimes brings to his characters. Maybe that’s the reason he has played so many intellectuals and artists: professors, scientists, detectives, painters, writers, a scientist and a robot, and even the Pope… It seems there’s nothing John Malkovich can’t do, including directing.

To end my marathon, I watched his directorial debut, The Dancer Upstairs (2002), an assured movie adapted from a novel about the Maoist uprising in Peru in the 1980s, starring Javier Bardem. It was a nice surprise, and a strong start to what could have been a career as a film director, if not for the fact that he doesn’t have the patience to do it again. I recently read an interview where Edgar Wright revealed advice he always gives to directors, which is to make their second movie the one that will define them. I wonder if we will ever see John Malkovich’s second film, but for now, I hope he keeps gifting us with more unforgettable performances. At least we know that in the distant future, along with all the movies he has already appeared in, people will enjoy a never-seen-before performance when Robert Rodríguez’s short 100 years is released in 2115.

If there’s one thing I have learnt after watching most of his filmography, it’s that John Malkovich is one of the best and most versatile actors of our time, with the most unique voice I have heard in cinema, and with a rich filmography that encompasses every genre. And he’s not only a brilliant actor, but also someone I find personally fascinating. I truly find comfort in him. I hope we all get to enjoy his art for years to come, because his talent is limitless and I know he still has so much more to give. John Malkovich deserves all the praise for being a force of nature in the theater and film industry for over 40 years.

Tim is a Letterboxd member based in Spain, who has recently moved on from her John Malkovich marathon to a Sacha Baron Cohen quest.

[twigstarpikachutroll22]

Congrats on 301-500 followers, mate! If you were gonna give a thank you speech, what'd you say?

*stands at a podium with a typed and printed speech I’ve been working on for over a year*

*taps the mic, clears throat, and begins*

It’s teleporting into creepy dystopias and confusing the heck out of random people hours.

Before this gets serious, you should know that I like to dance naked in front of car lots.

And then I said, who died and made YOU queen of the pastas? I don’t care if it’s what all the cool worms are wearing, I am NOT putting you in a tiny leather jacket! I do not control the speed at which lobsters die. Kids, if you’re gonna let the cave duck skateboard in the house, he should at least be wearing a helmet! Excuse me! Where can I find the glowing, flying, self-folding napkins?

Glug glug glug, my face is a bug! I eat ants for breakfast right off the ruuuuuuuuug!!

Oh, Vanessa, thank goodness you're here! A platypus has tied me up in my own pants! I was having sex with a bagel. The sheep were trying to sing in French. Hey, are you dead? Why weren’t you at elf practice????

The trees are really sneezing today.

To be, or not to be. That is the question.

It’s an avocado! Thanks!

When I look to the sky, all I see is Bob Ross staring down at me. According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to stuff breadsticks into my purse. So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure, and I still got half a pie left. Sometimes, a man has to steal an animatronic badger to stay in this crazy game called life. Just dump it right there, next to that giant gorilla head. I’m in a heated existential discussion with this dead-eyed plastic desk toy. Hey! Got any grapes?

…Who ya callin’ pinhead? ‘Tis I, the frenchiest fry! I am the spirit of the fart. A question mark wrapped in a conundrum swallowed up by a four-legged starfish. I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the overstuffed burrito that spills onto the lap of crime! I am to metaphor cheese as metaphor cheese is to transitive verb crackers. I cry tears of lemonade. I’ve seen your death in my mind. I am a space alien and I have FOUR BUTTS! Also, I am a robot monkey. And my head is made out of blueberry pizza! I’m ugly and I’m proud! Your hot dog is no match for my bratwurst! I have the power of god and anime on my side! I do not like green eggs and ham. Fun fact: This smile is currently masking an internal storm of terror and unease! And I will not ever, NEVER, eat a tomato!

Girls? Can you explain why I look like I'm getting married at the bottom of a pit?

By the way, Kevin, a potato flew around my room before you came. Excuse the mess it made. Your wax figures turned out to be evil so we fought them to the death! I decapitated Larry King. And Frederico fell into a pile of brownie batter! The poor engineer didn’t know what happened. Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs? That’s so fetch. I was wiping away my tears with the memes you made. #LitPokemonGoToThePolls! Mmm-mmm, chicken. I kinda feel like flexing on you because I get to be Deez Nuts. Excuse me, could you please leave? Thanks Pete. I’ve met God, he had nothing nice to say about you.

My only friend in the whole wide world is a hippo named BOOBOOBUTT.

I call THIS straw...Fernando. 

Please stop attacking that wig!

The candlestick thinks you’ve been hogging the spotlight. He’s going solo.

You know, mummies have their brains pulled out of their nose. Do you think horses get songs stuck in their heads? Songs are like hugs that mouths give to ears! I’d like to be tree. Why don’t you try scrapbooking them to freedom? Michael, close your mouth. We are not a codfish. 

George Washington never knew dinosaurs. Common sense is a weakness. Tea? In the microwave? Are you a savage? Bond. HYDROGEN bond. It’s called a hustle, sweetheart. Taste the rainbow! He doesn’t understand your funky-fresh ways. Albert Einstein never wore socks. Why should I? Caution: Falling cows. There’s a world/galaxy/universe to save here and I don’t care if I do it “with love” or with an AK-47. Don’t be a transphobe, Chad. Open the goozack. Shut the goozack. Lock the goozack. Let’s go shoot some monkeyflippers.

D’you ever notice that clapping is basically just repeatedly high fiving yourself? If a guy clones himself and sings a song with his clone, does it count as a duet? What if graphite pencils are racist against colored pencils?

Ohh, I made a sweatshop again?! How does this keep happening?!?!?!

You don’t think the lobster is lying to you.

SHUT UP, HEATHER! It’s my unbirthday too! I wanna be a ghost story!! Did you just boot my stroller? Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow! When I kill God, I'll make a law in the universe that makes every being put carrots on their sandwiches. They have to do it. They can't eat a sandwich without carrots. And you? You will eat sandwiches every day. Keep the change, ya filthy animal. 

And don’t forget the kitchen sink!

My very educated mother just sat upon nine pizzas (SPLAT). The lady doth protest too much, methinks. She has no personality. She doesn’t remember who I am. Little slappy? Make daddy happy? If she can draw naked men, she can eat flan. Pets will be electric in 20 years. Hey, sorry for accusing you of murder last week.

Beep, beep. I’m a sheep. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. I don’t like boys i just wanna dance like a lizard.

If I had one wish in the world right now, I would wish that every hamster in the world would get their own personal fanny pack.

Yer a wizard, Harry. Now, you must acquire a taste for...freeform jazz.

I met a ghost once. He helped me find a dog. Sadly, he was just captured in the midst of his latest plan to set fire to the sun. Pain is hilarious! Potato girl has her life goals in order. Lawn gnome beach party of taffeta, make a note of that. All hail planet nine, the celestial potato. Are you talking about teaching asparagus to sing? Poppy, I speak WORM. It’s a romance language. These are NOT worms.

Filthy toilet! You’re dead, fluff butt.

Ring a king a bees will sting so dance a timba tumba!

Whose fault is it? The guy who ran the red light? Or the mesopotamian dude who invented the wheel? Is this the Krusty Krab? No, this is Patrick. What the heck is a polar bear??? Do I look like I speak squirrel? Do not cuss with me, you donkey butt faced son of an Umbridge. I am a magical unicorn dragon duck potato panda troll and I will vomit rainbows upon you. I will de-bone you like a fish! I am like glitter: always there, and never just where you tried to put me, shining regardless. Be afraid. Be very afraid. 

Ya like Jazz?

She can cut that cheese.

It’s a crowd favorite. Everybody loves a good jazz square. Is this a pigeon? Worm off the string, what crimes will he commit? Vegetables are a social construct. And also your eyebrowses. We are not the crispy breads of your breakfast! And there is no queen of England! Rules and schools and tools are for fools, I don’t give two mules for rules! Hippity hoppity, get off my property! You like Krabby Patties, don’t you Squidward?

OH MY GOD, THEY WERE ROOMMATES. 

If life hands you lemons, carve them into tiny ships and allow a colony of ants to live out their dream of becoming pirates. Or staring at your parents while they sleep. 

Love is like a beautiful flower… but it can also be dangerous, like a tiger, with a gun. Nature is like a runaway dump truck: hot, fast, and full of garbage. There’s a beating heart in everything… except lawyers, zombies and jellyfish. Nothing feels as good as the moment right before you break something. Nothing says “mother’s love” like a giant robotic platypus butt. There’s no “I” in “crab.” Every girl’s a princess. Some of them just have fancier crowns. When in doubt, button mash! Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain! Everybody’s been turned into an apple. It’s a part of growing up. WEAR A WATCH! Time is a precious thread in the fabric of the universe. It deserves its own tool of measurement! Pudding makes a terrible hat! Adults are just kids, with much, MUCH bigger toys. Do not shake someone’s hand when they’re glowing. Oh, and NEVER trust a person who refuses to believe in unicorns. 

Whoop, shark attack! Nom nom nom! Jellyfiiish! Hand sandwich! Turkey! Snowman! Dolphin! Helicopter! Last supper! Monkey in a zoo! What? Gear shift! Splleerrch! Uuurrrt! Eerrrt! Uuuuuhuht!

If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I’d have matching halves. That’s very important. Shmebulock. There’s no need to call me sir, Professor.

Fly free, little Mah-ri-sol! Be free!!

My nipples are a mystery.

Ah! One feels like a duck, splashing around in all this wet! And when one feels like a duck, one is happy!

Shut up! You’re all gonna die! Street smarts! I hate the trucks that look like they got childbearing hips. Who uses that emoji? Satan worshippers. That’s who. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. 

Why be mad? Just because it brings out the color of my eyes? Not worth it!

Grandma sent you an angel moth from outer space? Pudge controls the weather. Hide the coconuts! Is mayonnaise an instrument? Bees burn their enemies to death while group hugging them. I want a flugelhorn! Did his belly button get taken by the thunder god? Please stop touching my head. I wanna know if anyone else has experienced being pierced by a hair strand. Steve, I’m ending our affair! Your pig is ugly. And you know what else? I’ve never liked your spinach puffs. Never! I’ll explain, and I’ll use small words, so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.

If I were you, I would try to change a lot more before you become a renegade fugitive from justice, hiding in the woods, dressing up like a bear, and stealing candy from children. You wear a helmet in the shower one time and you get labeled for life. Life sucks sometimes. But at least there’s pizza. And at the end I give birth to a bowling ball!

A dog met a mouse in my kitchen. They became friends. Draco Malfoy has definitely tried to fight santa. I am a little black cat and god is dropping a piece of ham on me. 

DID YOU KILL EMINEM???

Don't worry, Twilight. I have eyepatches stashed all over Ponyville, in case of an eyepatch emergency. 

I’m calling mom! And I am NOT using the banana this time!

Do you rodents think you can handle a semicircle?

How much do deer testicles cost, Dave? Enlighten me.

Ohh, why isn’t my invisible truck working?

Why did you bring a gun to the livestream???

Why did I let a convicted war criminal practice energy healing on me?

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Why are bugs always pregnant?

Peter why are you not plural.

Why dO mY nOSTRILs whISPer To Meeee?

Some questions are best left unanswered.

Well divide me by zero and call me a syntax error! My cat has seen something strange. 

Glorp zub banana! There’s a party in my tummy! A SEA MONSTER ATE MY ICE CREAM!!! I tried talking to them, but there was a dustbuster, a toupee, and a life raft exploded! Now one’s bald, one’s in a boat, and they’re both unconscious! Ferb, I know what we’re gonna do today! As the children of divorced parents often say...TWO CHRISTMASES! Let’s go get this bread! Let’s go destroy our feelings! We've got to lead that corn colossus away from those back up singers! For truth, justice, and all that is pre-shrunk and cottony!

Tra-la-LAAAAA!

The future...is in the past! Onwards, Aoshima!! Infinite squared degrees to the elephant! Increase the D! Release the baby! No Troll left behind! Campe Diem! Purple dragon yo-yo ball! No fruit calls in my class! Swiper, no swiping! Oh, good! My dog found the chainsaw! KING BOB!!! On with the show and off with their heads! Shrimp! Heaven! Now! Aaaah!! Grandma’s vacuum cleaner!! 

You may make the sandwich, but the sandwich you eat makes who you are.

Now if you don’t mind, I’ll be disappearing back into the shadows. I don’t wanna live on this planet anymore. Goodbye, everyone, I’ll remember you all in therapy. Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you!

Remember, reality’s an illusion the universe is a hologram buy gold BYYYE!!

*tosses confetti, steps aside and does an overdramatic flourishing bow, then twirls and skips away*

[storyunrelated]

NaNo 2020 - Conclusions

So I didn’t finish this year. Whatever. Any time I have quote-unquote ‘finished’ it’s been a steaming pile of shit anyway, so did I really lose anything? Did I? Really?

No, the answer is no.

But did I learn anything?

No, the answer is no. Again.

What ideas bloomed this month though? Ideas that might charitably described as having sprung from NaNo in some way, shape or form? 

Everywhere Be Dragons

The original idea that I abandoned. Schlock, standard sci-fi. Lasers and shit. A retired man and his electronic friend who is presently in the robotic body of a bird go off to try and find out who injured his nephew. Turns out its some guy from some podunk evil space empire with a sword that can some summon chrome space dragons that can fly through space or some shit. Whatever. Garbage garbage garbage

Here’s a bit. The first lines, in fact:

Alarmingly naked, David Bellamy strode up to the largest of his windows and flung back the curtains to let what he hoped was the glorious sunshine of another sedate, mellow day flow in and bathe his more personal regions. 

Being a man of leisure now he had the time available to do this sort of thing.

Awful. 

Anyway, next.

And now for something completely different

Some admin schlub who works for a nebulous evil organisation ala SPECTRE is tasked with sourcing twenty-five red, plastic wallets by next week. It should be easy. It is not easy.

This was a very threadbare idea based on something I actually had to do, leading rather naturally to the thought “Wouldn’t this mind-numbing task be funnier if it was happening in an evil organisation?”. High-concept stuff.

Here’s a bit:

“Why am I doing this? This isn’t anything to do with me?”

“It’s nothing to do with me, either, but they passed it to me and I’m passing it to you. I’m higher up than you so now it has something to do with you. It is, in fact, now your problem.”

“What happened to Bill anyway?”

“Dead.”

“Dead?”

“Yeah, him and a bunch of others. Whole chunk of procurement, in fact. Super agents, last month.”

“What had procurement ever done to them?”

“I don’t think they were aiming for there specifically, they just got in the way. Think they were trying to hit the weather control department - they’re underneath them.”

“Oh yeah, yeah. Poor bastards.”

“Yes, well, now you’re here to carry on their fine work. Next week. Red. Sort it out.”

“But-”

“You’re a resourceful man, I’m sure you can manage.”

That’s literally all I did before I got bored.

Next!

Bad Wizards

I was reading about The Sword of Truth and I was reading about how Confessors worked in The Sword of Truth and it was this super-weird combination of an absolutely terrifying sounding power being the implications of which were ignored in a super-weird way.

Basically a whole class of women can ENSLAVED ANYONE THEY TOUCH FOREVER and this ability isn’t something they use it’s something they have to concentrate NOT TO USE and the purpose of this class of women is to...

...basically go around and brainwash/murder anyone they deem isn’t being honest and good. Oh, and they decide who’s honest and good. And there’s no question that they’re honest and good.

Oh and there’s no men with this power. Why? Because any male infants born with this power are murdered by their brainwashed loveslaves ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.

Very odd. Very very odd. But easy fodder for villains, so I just thought “What about people being charged with coming up with ways of trying to fix this or go against it?”.

Then I did a bit where two guys are visiting a dead guy in a dead city. I don’t know why.

Much to his displeasure Percival was once again accompanying First to the city of Erhart, home to the court of Baldric the Everliving. Percival did not like the court of Baldric the Everliving. He didn’t much like Erhart, either.

He did not like the silence, the utter and complete silence. He did not like that, despite all of the citizens having died, there were no bodies anywhere, nor even a hint of violence or struggle to mark their passing. 

(Not that heaps of corpses would have made him feel better, obviously, but knowing that they had died it was eerie not seeing so much as an upset teacup to indicate that this might have been the case. It just didn’t seem fair to them, somehow. Like they’d passed on without a fuss, without so much as a whimper.) 

He did not like the way the empty windows seemed to stare at him. He did not like the way the streets were so dusty. A dirty street he might have been able to understand, but to have such a layer of dust, lying as thick as snow, untouched by the elements, undisturbed by any living footfall other than their own periodic visits - it just made him uncomfortable.

Everything about Erhart made him uncomfortable, frankly, from the mere thought of it, up through the physical reality of it all the way to the ruler of it, who he was going to have to go and talk to. Again. Nothing about this day was good for Percival.

BORING! NEXT!

Worse wizards

Uh, another idea, less related to anything else I was reading - I think? - but more, uh, what if there was a horrific ruling class of magical people who were for all intents and purposes utterly untouchable. 

Can kill you soon as look as you, mess around with your brain and your body just for kicks, come back from death easy as anything and only get more powerful as the years go on. One of them has a huge tower held up solely by their willpower, whatever. They’re a horrible, immovable fixed point in society.

Then one day mechanisms and techniques start showing up that can kill them and ignore their powers. Just out of nowhere. And these methods are super-simple to do and also start to spread.

What happens?

Lame lame lame lame lame.

“Did all of you miss what I told you at the start? The nature of what was used to kill Dennis?”

Blank looks. They had listened, but they had promptly forgot. It hadn’t seemed important.

That it was important and that this should have been obvious had passed them by. John gritted his teeth and straightened up, reaching around to a nearby trolley and - carefully - picked up a kidney-shaped dish resting on it and bringing it around so they could all see its contents. In the dish rattled several small, dark, sharp bits of what sounded to be metal. These the wizards peered at.

“He was killed by something that not only ignored his magical protections and ignored them completely, might I add, but which also then drained his body of even the merest trace of magic and severed whatever connection there might have been between his mortal shell here and anything beyond the material. Did you listen that time? Would you like me to say it again? Would you like me to go slower?”

More blank looks, though some were starting to get less blank. Some were getting confused. Some were getting worried. They’d actually paid attention this time.

What was I THINKING?!

Indulgence

This was me just doing a re-write of one of my secret, shameful pieces of fanfiction, with the fanfiction elements removed. Because why not?

[REDACTED]

Nope, not even a little bit.

Stupid! Next!

N/A

Some random thing in first person about following some rambling lady across some bridges and getting some weird book I don’t fucking know.

Where did all this water come from, anyway? And where did it go? I could see the vast lakes below us, of course, stretching off as they did towards wherever these caverns terminated, but did those lakes drain anywhere? The flow of water from above never ceased, and yet the levels below never rose. What maintained this equilibrium? Or was the scale involved simply so great that no change could ever or would ever be observed?

I do wonder why I wonder about these things sometimes. The answers to these questions wouldn’t benefit me in any way. 

Yet still I wonder.

Who ccaaaaaarrreeeessss? Next!

Delicious Godmeat

A long, long time ago in some faraway land in another universe or whatever there was some vague, vaguely benevolent overgod. They had of children and they looked after all the normal people and blah blah all was well.

One day those children decided to devour their parent and split up their power between them, so they could care out their own little demenses and rule things the way they thought they should. So that happened.

However, the biggest, juicest bit of godly meat went missing somehow, much to their chagrin. They looked and looked but they never found it. Because it fell through time and space in a way that’ll never be explained, and ended up here. And now, by accident, some random young lady touched it.

Whoops! You’ve got a chunk of a dead god stuck inside you now! Better go free the land of those rapaciously evil children, absorb their power and try to bring some goodness back to this land! Whatever that means! Figure it out! You’re basically a demigod now!

Have fun battling the alien feelings of a dead deity and an ever-increasing level of godlike power! 

“Sooner or later you’re going to have to make a choice knowing that whatever choice it is you end up making it is going to make a lot of people very, very upset with you.”

“Can I just do nothing?”

“Sadly, no. Someone in your position chooses not to decide, that’s still making a choice.”

“Gah! I can’t win!”

CONCLUSIONS

Awful. Awful awful awful awful. They’re all awful. They’re all terribly. Sweet Jesus what a waste of time, every last one of these is a stinking, rancid turd now fouling my Google Docs with their stench. Awful awful awful.

Know what’s missing in all of these? Well, lots of things, but you know what crucial element hobbles each and every one of them from right out of the gate?

No fucking characters! Just a half-baked idea shoved out and left to die in the sun! No-one involved I give even the merest whiff of a shit about! Not a one! And no situation I care about either! None of these do anything for me! They leave me cold! And everyone in them leaves me colder! Frozen!

A setting isn’t worth shit if you’ve got no-one to do anything with it! Settings just sit there, inert, characters make it happen! Characters make the story! AND YOU’VE GOT NO CHARACTERS YOU WORTHLESS SHITHEAD! YOU’VE GOT NOTHING! JUST THE SAME WORDY BASTARDS OVER AND OVER AGAIN! JUST A THOUSAND COPIES OF YOU! I HATE ME! THAT’S USELESS!

I’m dead inside now!

Well, deader than I was before!

Awful! Awful awful! Eurgh!

Oh well! Same time next year!

[okietrish]

Drowning in Anxiety

Pairing: Jake Kiszka X Reader (They are best friends, but they like each other ya know?

Word Count: 1,847

Warnings: Talk about anxiety. Nothing too specific, but lots of run-on sentences that perfectly portray how my mind functions at a high rate pace that I can’t seem to control even thought I try really hard, but I cant...

I’m not sure how I feel about this one, but I wrote it while I was having and incredibly anxious week. Let me know what y’all think!

—

I felt ridiculous. There I was, knocking on his front door, absolutely drenched due to the surprise downfall. I don’t even know how I ended up here. I was walking in a failed attempt to rid myself of the anxiety I had woken up with this morning. I hate days like this, I did nothing to get this anxiety. All I did was wake up and immediately wanted to crawl into a ball and cry. Being an adult doesn’t allow you to do that though.

Getting through the day was... manageable. Sometimes I think of my anxiety more as a bitchy best friend who keeps tapping me on the shoulder to remind me she’s here and waiting very impatiently. Waiting for what? My impending mental breakdown of course; which brings me to where I am now... Holding in my sobs while standing in front of Jake’s door, no doubt looking like a drowned rat who just got run over by a school bus. A mess...

At the sound of the door unlocking I looked up, quickly making eye contact with my best friend with a confused expression on his face, one that fell quickly when he realized who was standing in front of him.

“Y/N what are you doing here? Why are you wet? Did you walk in the rain!?” He was talking fast, obviously worried about my well-being, but I couldn’t say anything. I just stared at him for a moment. My features stone cold before everything cracked and tears flushed my face as I tucked my chin to my chest. I didn’t want to look at him. I don’t know why I came here.

“Oh fuck Y/N.” He spoke quietly now. That’s when I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders, pulling me into him. My hands gripped his shirt tightly where it rested against his collar bones. I needed to ground myself before I spiraled again. Jake instinctively pulled my closer against his body, sprawling his hands out on my back to apply as much steady pressure as possible, a trick I taught him long ago when he saw my panic attacks for the first time.

We stood like that for a few minutes until my breathing was finally steady. Jake pulled away timidly, placing his hands on the sides of my head, pressing my soaking wet hair down on my head. His face was readable, transparent into his emotions. He was naturally an empathetic soul, his eyes were hooded due to his eyebrows being scrunched together in the middle. He offered a lopsided smile, one that I know too well. That smile didn’t hold an ounce of happiness in it. It was forced.

Without saying a word, he grabbed my hand a gently guided me into his home. I stepped aside to allow him to close the door before he turned and looked at me. I couldn’t move. Stuck with my hands limp against my body, face pulled down.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He waited patiently for me to work through my mind.

“There’s not much to say. I just, um, woke up anxious and... and... I just... I fucking hate this Jake. I hate my mind.” Tears were running down my cheeks, though I didn’t feel them this time. No sobs were accompanying the hot streams, no sniffles, no shake in my voice, just tears.

Jake stepped forward, he looked like he was walking on glass, as if the floor would fall out beneath him, but it was me who he was trying not to break. I’m the fragile one.

“Do you want to get changed? You’re soaked.”

“I don’t know.” I squeaked out. For the first time all day my mind was blank. I felt numb.

“Okay. We’re going to get changed. I’ll give you some sweats. We can stay in my room and put on a movie and just wrap up in my comforter. How’s that?” Jake was too kind for this world. His patience in these types of situations always made me adore him even more.

I nodded my head before following him up the steps.

We went slow. I zoned out though… Not really thinking about anything in particular, but somehow still feeling the weight of the world resting on my chest. Maybe it’s just my clothes, they were quite heavy at this point. I left a visible mess behind me, some sort of metaphor there. Water was dripping from my hair, to my shirt, onto my pants, to my shoes, laying itself out over the floor. Fuck. Jake’s floor. I probably ruined it/ I ruin fucking everything. No surprise here. I’d pay for it if it needed to be fixed. I could pick up a few extra shifts, but if I did that I…

“Y/N” I looked up at Jake, he was standing in front of me again. When did we get into his room? How long have I been…

“You’re crying again love.” Was I? I reached my hand up to my cheek, the heat radiating from them instantly warming up my frozen fingertips.

“Oh.. Um… I’m sorry.” I wiped the tears away from my face with my sleeve, but just got my face even more soaked in the process.

“You don’t need to apologize. It’s alright. You’re going to be alright.” Jake walked away for a moment, ruffling through his dresser. “Here take these. You need to change. You’re shivering.” I guess I was, I didn’t notice

“Okay.” My voice sounded like a whisper. My throat was on fire, tight and not wanting to work. Jake offered me a slight smile again.

“I’m going to be right outside the door okay? If you need me just knock.” He placed a warm grip on both of my shoulders before turning to leave. He left me alone.

I felt like a robot, not really thinking anymore, just went through the motions. Soon enough I was stripped completely naked standing in the middle of Jake's room. After air drying for a few moments I quickly redressed. I finally realized just how cold I really was. The fuzzy sweats felt like a warm hug, one that I desperately needed.

“Jake…”

“Yeah?”

I coughed before I relied, “where do you want me to put the wet clothes? And you can come in.” He did just that, but he froze in place as he glanced at me up and down. Probably taking in how I was practically swimming in his sweatshirt and sweatpants. The pants were rolled twice, but they still touched the floor, I looked like a little kid. He looked up to my face again, smiled at how the hood was pulled up and tightened around my face. I properly cocooned myself in the grey fabric.

“I’ll take them and put the in the dryer.” He gathered the clothes from his floor and took off down the stairs. He jogged to the laundry room, I heard him slam the drying and run quickly back up the stairs, I couldn’t help but giggle to myself at his behavior.

Jake was slightly out of breath when he returned. He didn’t miss much though, I didn’t move an inch. He stood there for a moment, regaining his breath and just looking at me. A smile stretched across his features, I tried to return it, but my face just felt like it just twitched before falling back into its statue-like state.

Jake stepped towards me, closing the distance between us swiftly, engulfing me in a hug. I fell into him, I mean how could you not? His hair smelled like vanilla, he smelled faintly of tobacco, most likely smoking right before I got there. All in all he just smelled like Jake. That’s all that I needed, Jake.

Without me noticing, Jake shifted his grip to my hips and began to slowly guide me backwards. I kept my face buried into his neck, trusting him enough to let him take control. The back of my calves bumped into his bed then, he reached one hand over to pull the covers back. Jake then turned around and scoop me up. With a gentle kiss placed to my forehead he laid me down and tucked me in. I let out a whine has he stood up to walk away. I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t want to be alone.

At the sound he turned back to me, laying his hand on my forehead pushing my hood back slightly.

“I’m just going to lock the front door and turn out the lights mama. I’m coming right back okay?” He spoke so softly to me. His raspy voice coaxing my body to relax into the sheets. I nodded back to him and pulled the covers up to my chin. He would only be gone for a minute.

Jake rushed again, trying his best to be quick and efficient. When he came back he quietly closed his door then walked over to his dresser once more. He replaced his shirt, which was practically drenched from hugging me earlier, with a long sleeve, green shirt that had a purple stripe across the chest. He stripped himself of his pants, but left himself in the tight black briefs that hid underneath, it was hard not to stare at him. He was beautiful. I had to force myself to stop staring more often than not.

Jake shut off his bedroom light before climbing into bed next to me. Instantly he pulled me to him, resting my head on his chest, tangling his legs with mine, my left hand gripping his shirt over his chest as I focused on his heartbeat. He rubbed my back up and down slowly, the pressure welcoming and far from overwhelming.

“Jake?” I tilted my head to face him. He glanced down towards me humming in response to tell me to continue.

“You have cute legs.” The blush that ran up to his cheeks was adorable, but that didn’t sway his calm and relaxed attitude.

“Oh is that so?” He smirked, seemingly amused at my compliment.

“Mmmhmm. Quite the ass as well.” I smiled at him. It was a real smile, one that spread across my entire face. I felt calm. Being wrapped up with him made me feel as if the rushing world around us didn’t exist. If he was holding me, nothing could hurt me.

He chuckled as he rolled his eyes. “Good to know my fine ass helped you feel better.” He kissed my forehead, pressing and holding his lips there for a few moments before retreating to giggle some more at himself.

“Ya know, next time you feel really anxious I’ll just send you a booty pic. It’ll save you a walk in the rain.” I nuzzled my head into his chest, laughing at the sheer idea of Jacob Kiszka sending me a booty pic.

“I’m going to hold you to that Kiszka.” I tapped his chest twice, still giggling at the kind boy. Another laugh roared through his body. His laugh was intoxicating.

“Anything for you Y/L/N”

[kinetic-elaboration]

January 27: 2x04 Mirror Mirror

Had some technical difficulties but finally managed to watch Mirror Mirror. (Now I’m very tired.)

I see these aliens are more intense pacifists than Spock.

When Kirk says “But we won’t [force you], consider that,” right over his shoulder and into camera, it looks like he’s posing for a commercial.

Ah ha, the Classic Transporter Accident. (Aka how that became a classic trope lol.)

I love that they zero in on Spock’s beard first thing, like that’s the weirdest part of this universe.

Oh no, the agonizer!

So my big question is: do all the ISS Captains wear that gold vest or is it a Kirk thing? I just find it very funny that the men in the mirrorverse wear about the same amount of clothing as in the regular universe, and the ladies wear a lot less...and then there’s Kirk, conspicuously showing off his arms. Vests are NOT regulation!

When does he get a chance to record his log? And wouldn’t it be... recorded in the mirrorverse?

Kirk’s salute is hilarious. Uh, yeah, salute and wave, I guess??

He’s really focused on Spock. “Another ship. Another Spock.”

Kirk’s patented reassuring upper arm grab.

Uhura on the bridge! You can’t tell she’s nervous because she’s brave and strong.

This episode, and to a lesser extent The Naked Time, are why I think Sulu has a thing for her. I know it’s a different universe, but I still think it’s true.

Kirk’s salute is getting better. More confident.

He just doesn’t know how to be evil. He’s too good, too pure.

Hmmm, Security Chief Sulu? He really does have a lot of interests.

I wonder what Vulcan is like in this universe. They are still clearly post-Reform. But more ruthless. Scarier. Probably meat eaters.

Damn little Chekov. Just waiting for his chance to mutiny.

Security Chief, like the Gestapo. Did not know that was what the reference was supposed to be.

Hmm, male computer voice. This MUST be an evil universe.

“I’m a doctor, not an engineer.”

Evil Kirk strikes again! Honestly, this scene of the ISS crew on the regular Enterprise might be my favorite in the whole ep. Yet again obsessed with Spock’s facial hair. And Spock is obviously just loving it. “I find it extremely interesting.”

I think Kirk and Spock BOTH know what would buy Spock.

“I should regret your death.” I mean that’s basically a love confession. I love how they depict the K and S relationship in the mirrorverse. The subtle ways in which they’re still a team.

Spock would absolutely have killed Chekov for trying to kill Kirk.

I find evil!Spock the most convincing of all of this universe. I think he simultaneously feels true to the original character, and is also obviously of this universe, and that’s a pretty impressive feat.

“Terror must be maintained or the Empire is doomed.” Print that on a t-shirt.

“Conquest is easy. Control is not.” A lot of the mirror verse is over the top cartoony villainy but this is a very good point, and this scene in general is super interesting and subtle.

Kirk is so tunred on by that conversation with Spock. Like even in these circumstances, he still looks at Spock like he’s in love.

Hmmm, I like Marlena.

Of course evil!Kirk has an on-ship girlfriend, which good!Kirk would never do.

Evil!Spock is still very loyal, so much for all that “I would be a formidable enemy” stuff lol. “You’ll never find another man like him.” Too true.

Of course there’s some plundered alien tech plot device. I actually think that’s an interesting twist in a way... of course the ISS wouldn’t care about stealing, and so some...interesting artifacts might find their way onto starships.

Spock is upset he wasn’t included in this landing party meeting.

Hmmm, Sulu already wants to be Captain.

WHAT? SPOCK HAS OPERATIVES? VULCAN OPERATIVES? WHO ARE THEY? I MUST KNOW MORE. (Is one of them T’Pring?)

Marlena’s Starfleet uniform was hotter than this...paisley nightgown thing.

She’s so dramatic. Kirk is busy one time and she’s like well! I guess we’re over! Transfer me to another ship!

Another Captain Kirk arm grab moment.

I love how literally no one was surprised by that Uhura and Sulu moment on the bridge. “I’ve changed my mind again whoops.”

I can’t believe getting kicked once and then knocked on the head would almost kill Spock lol--seems like probably he might just have a concussion?--but I do like the concept of McCoy risking being left behind to help him. (And Kirk signing off on it because duh.) McCoy is just so good hearted.

Captain Sulu strikes again. Everyone has their own agenda lol. So many obstacles when everyone’s just out for himself.

Haha well that solved that. Zap zap zap and they’re gone.

As suspected, Spock recovered pretty fast. And he goes straight for the mind meld, obviously. That does seem pretty evil of him.

And another obstacle lol. I like that Kirk says Marlena can’t come with them because they can only bring 4 people because of the Calculations, even though... like surely he should already be able to guess there’s another Marlena in his universe and she can’t exactly replace a person who already exists? That would be bad.

Damn Uhura, saving the day again and looking damn fine doing it.

“I must have my Captain back.” Not even subtle about it. He MUST.

The Empire is illogical because it cannot endure.

Is Kirk literally asking this Spock to overthrow his other self and become Captain?

Also...is Marlena going to attach herself to the new Captain?? What does she think of all this?

This is probably one of the best end-of-episode bridge banter scenes in the series. “If I read my Spocks correctly.” Spock is a bit of a pirate. (I think Sarek would agree.) Spock loving the evil humans. Being jealous of Marlena. Kirk probably wondering how Mirror!Kirk and his Spock got along.

I think this is a really great episode, obviously, and I liked all of the intrigue. I thought the double, triple, quadruple crossing was really well plotted. Marlena is one of the better Love Interests and I thought she was really compelling. I LOVED Mirror Spock, and the general characterization of and subtleties to both Spocks. Mirror Sulu was interesting (what does he say about real Sulu I wonder?) and of course we got great Uhura moments and a good Bones moment too. I thought Kirk was interesting in this ep also, not quite confronting his evil side like in The Enemy Within, but...well I do think that was a part of him, the inferred characterization of mirror!Kirk, ambitious, single-minded--”inflexible, disciplined once you’ve made up your mind”--isn’t so outrageous or hard to understand.

I think the weakness of the ep is in the Mirror verse itself. It’s always struck me as a bit too cartoon-villain-y, painted in too broad strokes. Everyone wants to use violence to gain power. If deaths are so common, how has anyone survived this long lol? They allude to this sometimes--Spock not wanting command because it makes him a target, Kirk telling Spock the Empire is wasteful and ultimately unsustainable and thus illogical--but that just invites scrutiny under which the premise doesn’t hold. Imo, an organization like the Empire could never have lasted as long as or become as powerful as the Federation. As Kirk says, control is harder than conquest. I’m not even sure that all of the planets of the Federation could have come together in an Empire, and any allegiance would be very unstable. In other words, I don’t think “the Federation but make it evil” is even a sustainable premise.

Also, while people surely do crave power for the sake of power, I... tend to need a little more in my villainous characterization. Like, when I see that kind of villain, I always think of Price in Mr. Robot: “Every room I’m in, I ask myself ‘am I the most powerful person here?’ and I don’t stop until the answer is always yes.” That really is the core of him--and yet he’s still a subtle villain. That’s kind of the standard for me, I think. To put it another way, maybe the core of all villainy is just lust for power (and/or money) and maybe the best way to get power is brute strength, but the manifestations of evil are usually more subtle: some people who just want power, some people who have more narrow goals and can’t see the whole, many people who have been manipulated, and then just human ills like laziness, ineptitude, selfishness, short-sightedness. Only the most blunt of those traits and instruments really made it into the Mirror verse.

I would have liked to see the mirrorverse be more like... the mob.

...But it is only a 50 minute episode lmao.

Anyway, I find it very interesting that mirror!Spock has Vulcan operatives. His personal security guard is Vulcan, and taking these facts together, I think it’s safe to say that there are more Vulcan officers and enlisted on the ISS Enterprise than USS Enterprise. I’m not sure what to do with that but I find it very interesting. Is he more powerful on Vulcan? Is he more attuned to his Vulcan side? Are Vulcans more impressed with or deferential to him?

Anyway I am exhausted rn and I still have two more days this week so... off to bed. Next week’s ep is The Classic, The Apple.

[darley1101]

You Taste Like Home (Perfect Match Damien x MC)

Tastes Like Home

Violent thoughts were not the norm for Ava. She liked to think of herself as an almost pacifist. Almost because she enjoyed a good boxing match. What could she say, there was just something insanely hot about two half naked men slugging it out while sweat dripped down their muscled up bodies. What wasn't hot was Damien's ex Alana. Okay, so maybe Alana was physically attractive; if you liked perfect hair and high cheek bones. The surly attitude and smug remarks about breaking Damien were total deal breakers though. To quote her cousin Nadia “being an insufferable twat was so not cool.” It had taken an insane amount of will power for Ava to not curl up her fist and punch the bitch right in her perfect nose. She was actually proud of how restrained she had been. Under normal circumstances she would have at least snatched some of that perfect hair from Alana's scalp. It was the sex, she thought bitterly as she stripped off  her light gray t shirt and denim shorts. Her body and mind had still been muddled from having Damien fuck her not once, not twice, but three times in that tiny bathroom on the plane. What could she say...it had been a long flight.

Kicking her underwear aside while she unhooked her bra, Ava drew her brows together at the memory. A lot strong words had been said in that bathroom. She'd meant them. They hadn't been some in the heat of the moment proclamation. She loved Damien so much it fucking hurt sometimes; like now to be exact. Damien on the other hand...well she wasn't so sure what his intentions were. He'd seemed to love thrusting his dick in and out of her. He'd seemed to love her mouth going down on him. And he had definitely seemed to love making her cum. All of his so called love seemed to vanish when the plane landed and they discovered his ex holed up in his safe house. The urge to punch him in the face was almost as strong as the urge to punch Alana.

She stepped under the shower head, squeezing her eyes shut as the steady stream of hot water washed away the sweat, cum, and other grime that had accumulated on her body during the mad dash to stay one step ahead of Eros. There was a part of her that wanted to call up Cecile and say 'here's your robot back, now leave us the hell alone.' She wasn't stupid enough to think things would be that simple. It wasn't just Hayden that Eros was after. Sloane had stolen a lot of incriminating evidence from their computers. There was also all the information Damien, Ava, and Nadia had discovered during their file search. No way in hell Eros was backing off without a fight.

“Ava, you have got to see this closet!” Nadia called from the other side of the door. “Girl might be a bitch but she's a bitch with excellent taste!”

Rolling her eyes, Ava focused on scrubbing herself down. It was pointless to remind Nadia that of course Alana had good taste. She had dated Damien, plus she had an endless supply of government resources at her disposal. “Like seriously,” Nadia continued. “There's Addison Sinclair and...oh my god! Ava she has Priya Delacroix! I repeat...she has Priya Delacroix!”

The excitement in Nadia's voice was almost contagious because Ava found herself smiling for the first time since they arrived in Germany. The smile was mostly for Nadia. It was nice to hear something other than anger, heartbreak, and despair in her cousin's voice. “There's this purple dress that you're going to look amazing in Ava,” Nadia squealed. And just like that the smile faded. There was no way in hell Ava was wearing any of Alana's clothes. She would rather put back on the grimy outfit on the floor.  “I don't think any of this has ever been worn.”

“Nadia,” Ava yanked open the bathroom door, steam billowing out around her. “I am not wearing that bitch's clothes.”

Nadia cross her arms. “So what are you going to wear? The clothes you just took off? News flash Ava they're disgusting. Do you really want to put them back on?”

Of course Ava didn't want to put her dirty clothes back on, but she wanted to wear Alana's clothes even less. She already felt like Alana viewed her someone inferior, someone who was content with other people's sloppy seconds. Showing up to dinner in the other woman's dress would only add fuel to that fire and Ava couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't give in to her violent thoughts if Alana made a remark. “I'm not wearing the dress.”

“You sound like cousin Oscar's three year old. 'I'm not eating the rice it looks like maggots' only its 'I'm not wearing the dress because it belongs to Damien's ex.'” Nadia rolled her eyes and tossed the purple gown on the foot of the bed. “Wear whatever you want. I'm going down to dinner.”

“That's not...I..just...” Ava pressed her lips into a twisted grimace. Nadia was right. Her main reason for not wanting to wear the dress was because it belonged to Damien's ex. “I don't sound like cousin Oscar's three year old,” she muttered as she trooped back into the bathroom. Bending over, she scooped up her dirty clothes. There had to be a washing machine and a dryer somewhere in that house.

“Now that's a nice view,” Damien drawled.

Ava let out a tiny shriek, her arms flailing just enough to send her clothes flying. She watched in horror as her panties landed in the toilet. Clutching her towel to her chest, she spun around and shot Damien a hard look. “Shouldn't you be catching up with Alana?”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Damien leaned against the bathroom door frame. “There's nothing for Alana and I to catch up on.”

“Does she know that?” Turning her back on him, Ava wrinkled up her nose and fished her panties from the toilet. Uncertain what to do with them, she plopped them in the sink.

“Yes, Ava,” Damien smirked, “she knows that. Why? You jealous?”

Her jaw went slack, leaving her mouth gaped. He did not just ask her if she was jealous of Alana. Without thinking, Ava balled up her fist and slammed it into Damien's stomach. “You are such a freaking asshole,” she snapped, shoving past him.

“Jesus, Ava,” he wheezed, rubbing the spot where her fist had connected with his flesh. “What's gotten into you.”

“I don't know Damien. What could have possibly gotten into me?” Stomping across the room, Ava yanked up the over sized tote Nadia called a purse. She felt a little bad for rummaging through it but occasionally her cousin carried around extra clothes. No such luck this time. She tossed the tote aside and wheeled back around on Damien. “You know, I meant what I said. I didn't just...just....” she felt some of her steam starting to diminish. It was hard to hold on to anger when her heart hurt as much as it did. “You shouldn't say things you don't mean,” she whispered, rapidly blinking as she felt the tell tale sting of tears.

“Ava,” Damien pushed away from the door jam and closed the distance between them. As he pulled her towards him, she started to push away but ended up melting into the embrace instead. Closing her eyes, she buried face in the soft cotton of  the t shirt he wore. “Come on now,” he chided, using his knuckles to lift her chin. Her dark brown eyes meet his lighter ones. “You know me better than that. I don't throw those words around.”

He was right. Love wasn't a word that Damien casually used. In fact, Ava couldn't recall a single moment he had ever said the word love before their hook up in the plane. Even in past conversations about Alana he had only ever said he cared deeply for his ex partner/girlfriend. Hell, he didn't even use it when talking about his mother; whom he liked well enough. Yet he had said it to Ava. He'd made her look him in the eyes when he said it, she recalled. He'd wanted her to know he meant it. She curled her fingers into the fabric of his shirt and let out a shuddering sigh. How could she have been so neurotic? Oh. Right. Eros. Everything circled back to Eros. “Then why have you been ignoring me?” She can't help but wince at how whiny the question sounds. Oh God, Nadia's right, I do sound like cousin Oscar's three year old.

She can feel his chest expand as he takes a deep a breath. “Hayden might not be human, Ava, but he still has feelings. I might be an ass at times but I'm not cruel.”

Hayden. Ava had all but forgotten about him. She can't help but feel somewhat guilty. No, she had never led Hayden on but he'd been good to her. And had he been human, had Damien never spoke up, who knows where the relationship might have gone. “So it was strictly about Hayden? It had nothing to do with the fact that your ex partner whose also your ex girlfriend is here?”

“I could give two fucks what Alana thinks.” He chuckled but then grimaced. He tugged Ava closer and lowered his mouth to her ear. “I don't trust her,” he murmured. “She shouldn't have been here. Something about her story doesn't add up.”

Why was he whispering? A chill went down Ava's spine. He thought the room was bugged. That was the only explanation for his sudden change in tone. “So what are we going to do,” she whispered back, her heart pounding.

“Right now? I'm going to remind you of what you do to me.”  He reached for her towel, untucking the knot that secured it around her breasts. Ava's breath caught in her throat as he navigated her toward the bed. The backs of her knees hit the mattress and with a tiny nudge from him, she's sent sprawling.

“You're crazy,” Ava hissed. “If you think I'm going to fuck you in a room that might be bugged you're out of your mind.” She rose up on her elbows. “Plus, I'm still mad at you.”

He leaned down, their noses almost touching, and brushes his lips across hers. She doesn't want to lose control, not when there is a very real possibility that the room the room was bugged. Yet, as his mouth kept teasing across hers, she feels her grasp on clarity slipping away. It's as though they're in a bubble, where nothing matters but the way they make each other feel. She flattened her hands on his chest, relishing the steady rhythm of his heart beneath her palm, before sliding one up and into his dark hair. She let out a small gasp as he nipped her lower lip and then kissed his way south. “Damien, I'm serious,” she whined. His mouth vibrated against her belly as he chuckled.

“Who said anything about fucking.” He nipped, then licked her inner thigh, slowly inching his way towards her pussy. He kissed over the top of her slit, worming his tongue between her folds. She sucked in her breath and grasped the duvet in her fists. Her eyes closed and her lower lip tucked between her teeth as she tried to focus on not making any sound, instead of the sweet sensation of his tongue pressing against her clit. It was sheer torture. The more she tried to hold back, to keep it all in, the more he teased her.

“Ohmigod,” she whimpered, her breathing quickening as he sucked her clit into his mouth. Gently, he nipped at the delicate bundle of nerves, causing her inner walls to tighten and ache. The desire to feel him inside her, thrusting in and out, outweighed her concerns over whether or not the room was bugged. If it was, well, Alana was already getting an earful. Why not just...she moaned as Damien drew his head up just enough to blow gently across her wet, aching flesh. “I swear to God Damien, if you leave me like this I will-”

He gathered her close, capturing her mouth in a kiss. She doesn't care that she can taste herself on his lips. It adds fuel to the fire burning in her lower abdomen. Having the bulge in his pants press against her throbbing pussy as his tongue teases in and out of her mouth also adds to the fire. “Need you,” she managed to mumble around the kiss. “Like....now.”

“Hm,” Damien raised up on one arm and stared down at her. One hand brushed a few strands hair off her face. “You know what I love most about kissing you?”

“That it leads to other stuff?” Hint, hint. Lose the pants.

“No,” he laughed. “Well, yes, but that's not what I was going to say.” He leaned down and kissed her again. Sweeter and slower than any of the other times. “You taste like home.”

[shigironki]

hey!! I always wanted to know; how does Arkham knight eddie treat their s/o? I know i've seen a couple of people's repsonses, but since youre the queen of the rids, i wanted to ask you

AWEEEE, anon that was extremely sweet! :’D I am gonna use some of what @megansomewhereinwonderland’s post said for her arkham knight riddler’s post, since she so wonderfully put into words how i felt eddie would be like lol

* He’s more of a psychical love shower than talker. Gifts are his thing, sticky notes with riddles on them when he makes you food (if he ever gets away from work to do that)

* As much as he gloats about how no-one can simply replace him, he’s truly afraid of people taking away his s/o. He talks like he’s biting, but in reality he’s so scared of loosing you due to his own actions and the way he is. Will that ever change him? Lord no. Just make sure to point it out when he’s being sweet and kind to you, and not focused on his work. * When he drives, one hand is on your leg (anywhere, he doesn’t look where his hand is anymore), and the other is on the sterring wheel. He drives a run-down truck, since it’s easier to get paint supplies, tools and robot parts to get to his warehouse and back. He also controls the music in the car, unless you’re clearly upset and need a cheer up. * When the either of you two don’t want to cook, it’s fast food time. Edward’s favorite places are somewhere were he can feel like he’s not some slob at best, so don’t pick places that’s ONLY greasy food. * Showering is a special time for you two, not anything really suggestive, just where the two of you are vulnerable and he’s not really riddler right now. He’s just Edward Nigma, wet and naked. He’ll sometimes let you wash his body and/or hair, get ready for motor oil on your hands. * If you can convince him to stay in bed all day to rest and be ready for working tomorrow, he’ll just stay on his phone or watch tv with you in bed while cuddling. It’ll usually be you showing him something nice or funny, and he’ll do the same. If you like hiding snack food in your side of the bed stand, he’ll be thankful you have some food, but also...* Why. That’s a sure way to get bugs and mice into the house. * He doesn’t normally care about how you look. He’s wearing a hawaiian shirt with painted question marks, a white tank top and workers pants. I don’t think he’ll care if you’re in your underwear, favorite T-shirt, or sweats. He’ll think you’re trying to get as comfortable as he is, and smile like a dork.* Never try to be friends with the other rogues. It will not work out. Mainly due to the other rogues knowing how bad Edward’s got, and personally they’re not in the mood to argue with him and end with the both of them hurt, and now they’re known to everyone that they got their asses handed to them.* But he won’t stop you when you’re doing your hobbies. He loves learning about what you do for fun. Maybe he’ll try to get into it with you, even if he’s not a fan of what it is. * (kiiiiinda self-intered headcanon gnfjkdgnfds) Edward’s not a fan of pot, heavy drinking, just cigarettes. If you do either of those make sure to keep it away from him. He’ll lecture you about the dangers of how it’ll affect your intellect, and just stay away when you’re doing it. * He knows you won’t change unless you’re willing to, so he’ll just make sure to lecture you until you finally stop. Have fun! :D * (NSFW) Dom. Unless you want to be the dom in charge, won’t reaaaallly play along unless you’re practically BEGGING, he just.. Really likes the fact that you listen to what he says, and sees you praising him as a ego boost and makes him feel good about himself. * The other rogues will call you crazy for even staying with a man like Nigma. He isn’t always around nor is the best when you aren’t okay, but.. You love him. You can’t leave without breaking your own heart. Scarecrow ignores you plenty, Harley gets curious and wants extra, EXTRA details, Two face casually talks to you and nothing more, Penguin tries to woo you until Edward comes around, and Jervis is just nice and lets you blabber to him about Edward if he gets to talk to you about his alice. * The GCPD has tried to get you away, but you’re stubborn like him. Batman goes to you for information if no one else talks. * If he lays a hand on you Edward is NOT scared of fighting him then and there, only gets scared of Batman legit just straight up fights him when he gets to the room for you. * Will always say he loves you and cherishes you, even if you don’t think so. *  Dont dobut this man. He may want to stop Batman but will try to show you out of spite.

[lifewithkasia]

Yattaman

Na początku była wola walki. Nonszalanckie uwolnienie telewizora z szafki zamykanej na wielką kłódkę. Sprawne manewry tak, by nikt nie zobaczył co dzieje się z pilotem w dłoni. Regularne próby uciszania pomruków niezadowolenia, a później własnych myśli, gdy pomruki przekształcały się w coraz głośniejszy jazgot. W końcu spektakularna kapitulacja, którą jedynie honor i stanowisko powstrzymały przed teatralnym trzaśnięciem pilotem o ziemię i ucieczką z pola bitwy.

Tak wyglądało, mniej więcej, każde przedpołudnie w mojej grupie przedszkolnej, gdy nadchodziła godzina telewizyjna. W roli przegranego występowała jedna z pań przedszkolanek. W roli zwycięzców my – waleczne średniaki. A bitwa była o… Yattaman.

Ostatni bal karnawałowy w przedszkolu (kliknij i czytaj). Jak widać nie doczekałam się stroju Yattamana...

Na zakończenie każdego odcinka czarne charaktery Drombo pozostawały w negliżu i uciekały na piechotę, hen  za horyzont, przed wstydem i zwycięskimi Yattaman. W tym czasie ich niszczycielski robot dogorywał gdzieś w oddali. Przedszkolanki zdegustowane głównymi bohaterami czasem podejmowały próby nawrócenia placówki na edukacyjny charakter i zamiast na Polonię 1, pstrykały na Jedynkę, gdzie rozpoczynało się właśnie „Domowe przedszkole”. Gwiazdy tej sztandarowej produkcji (dziś wzbudzaliby raczej niepokój politycznie poprawnych obywateli), to aktorzy śpiewający piosenki i ćwiczący dykcję z wiecznie przestraszonymi dziećmi. No i jeszcze Hałabała, walczący o grand prix w kategorii „creepy” z Kulfonem. Jedynym wytłumaczeniem akceptacji tej makabrycznej kukiełki był wciąż drzemiący w nas szczątkowy gen homo sovieticusa. Zresztą, kolejnych dowodów na obecność genu nie trzeba daleko szukać. W końcu na początku lat 90. najlepszym momentem dnia dla dzieci w wieku od 3 do 5 lat było… oglądanie japońskiej anime. Z włoskim dubbingiem. Z końca lat 70. Tak czy siak, przedszkolanki edukację musiały przesunąć na popołudnie, zostawić rodzicom i Panu Tik Takowi, pierwszemu oficjalnemu hipsterowi w Polsce, który wtedy wyglądał po prostu jak pierwszy lepszy wujek z wąsem. Dla dzieci z mojego otoczenia w latach 90. nie liczył się żaden inny kanał, tylko Polonia 1. W mojej grupie przedszkolnej liczyła się tylko Yattaman. I jeśli przedszkolanki chciały, we względnym spokoju, dotrwać do końca dnia pracy, musiały to uszanować.

Yattaman. Tak naprawdę nikt nie wiedział o co w tej bajce chodziło, ale to nie było ważne. A może najbardziej nęcąca była w niej… powtarzalność? Kiedy biedne dzieci z Domowego Przedszkola musiały męczyć się nad ćwiczeniem rysunku czy lepieniem figurek z plasteliny, my mogliśmy oddawać się zupełnej hipnozie, odłączającej szare komórki. W moim przypadku spotęgowanej głaskaniem po głowie przez przyjaciółkę K. To była wymarzona wersja leżakowania i przedszkolnego podwieczorku. Jestem pewna, że każdy z moich kolegów i koleżanek do tej pory potrafi zanucić jingiel, który pomijając psychodeliczne rytmy na pograniczu disco-polo i monotonny głos lektora, przebijającego się przez tekst piosenki również śpiewanej po włosku, w tamtych czasach interpretowanego przeze mnie jako japoński, tylko podbijał emocje towarzyszące każdej nowej odsłonie. No właśnie, tylko jakie emocje? Wszyscy od początku wiedzieli jak skończy się kolejny odcinek i kto wygra, zdradzała to już piosenka. Jestem pewna, że nikt z nas nie zagłębiał się również w szczegóły odwiecznej walki między Yattaman, a Drombo. O istnieniu tajemniczego kamienia zwanego Dokuro, który dawno temu roztrzaskał się na kawałki rozrzucone po całej Ziemi i ma moc ujawnienia lokalizacji największego złoża złota na świecie, w przedszkolu nie wiedział zapewne nikt. Ale to nie było ważne. Gdybyśmy mieli wtedy czym handlować, prawdopodobnie otworzylibyśmy mini STS obstawiający zakłady i dający w zastaw wszystko, nawet swój ulubiony worek na kapcie, by tylko wygrać zakład o to, na którym robocie do walki ze złem wyjadą dziś Yattaman. No i ten dreszczyk emocji na końcu każdego odcinka, połączony z próbą totalnej samokontroli, by na głos nie wykrzyczeć: GOLASY!!! To mogłoby oznaczać koniec przygody z Yattaman w godzinach pracy przedszkola, dlatego każdy z nas starał się zatrzymać na rubasznym chichocie.

Jak widać w zerówce Yattaman odszedł w zapomnienie. Z kretesem przegrał z... Zorro.

Sama bajka w pewien sposób rozbudzała jednak wyobraźnię. Symulowanie jazdy na Yattakanie, wisząc na prętach zardzewiałego, przedszkolnego płotu, po którym ręce miały wgłębienia od drutów, resztki odłażącej farby i specyficzny zapach rdzy na skórze. Żmudna nauka tańca zwycięstwa z zaangażowaniem nieobecnym nawet podczas rytmiki, do tego stopnia, że podczas prób niejednokrotnie zarobiło się od partnera lub partnerki łokciem. A przede wszystkim przepychanki słowne kto jest bardziej podobny do Yattaman i przed kolejną zabawą karnawałową już na pewno namówi mamę na uszycie ich stroju, by zdeklasować konkurencję. Nie mówiąc już o tym, że patrząc z dzisiejszej perspektywy na głównego bohatera bajki, jestem z stanie wyciągnąć daleko idące wnioski i powiązać jego wygląd z moim idealnym typem mężczyzny. Tylko te dzwony…

Przedszkolna przygoda z Yattaman w zasadzie była moją jedyną wspólną historią z anime. Tak jak w przypadku Mango TV (kliknij i czytaj), pozostałam wierna pierwszej telewizyjnej miłości, dlatego nigdy nie zainteresowałam się królującymi w młodszych klasach Sailor Moon. Krótki epizod z Super Świnką również mnie nie złamał, a kolejne przeprowadzki i zderzenie się z równieśnikami na Podhalu, którzy nigdy wcześniej nie słyszeli o Yattaman, utwierdziły mnie w przekonaniu o słusznym wyborze bycia ich ambasadorką do dziś.

 Yattaman

In the beginning there was a will to fight. Nonchalant release of the TV from the locker with a large padlock. Smooth maneuvers so that nobody can see what is happening with the remote control in the hand. Regular attempts to silence the murmur of discontent, and then own thoughts as the murmur was transforming into an ever louder clamor. In the end, spectacular capitulation, which only honor and position prevented the theatrical pilot slamming into the ground and escaping from the battlefield.

That was, more or less, every morning in my kindergarten group when the TV hour was coming. One of the kindergarten ladies played the loser role. We - the brave kids - were winners. And the battle was about... Yattaman.

Last carnival party in the kindergarten (click and read). As you can see, I didn’t manage to become Yattaman...

At the end of each episode, the villains remained negligee and fled on foot over the horizon from shame and from the victorious Yattaman. At the same time, their destructive robot was dying somewhere in the distance. Preschoolers disgusted with the main characters sometimes made attempts to convert the institution to an educational character and instead of Polonia 1, they picked public TV channel, where the "Home kindergarten" was just beginning. The stars of this flagship production (today they would rather raise the concerns of politically correct citizens) were actors singing songs and practicing diction with eternally frightened children. There was also Hałabała, fighting for the grand prix in the "creepy" category with Kulfon. The only explanation for the acceptance of this macabre puppet was the homo sovieticus gene still dormant in us. Anyway, you don't have to look far for further evidence of the presence of this gene. Finally, at the beginning of the 90s, the best moment of the day for children aged btween 3 to 5 was... watching Japanese anime. With Italian dubbing. From the late 70s. Anyways preschoolers had to leav the education to the afternoon, fror parents and Mr. Tik Tak, the first official hipster in Poland, who at that time looked like every uncle with a mustache. For children from my surroundings in the 90s, no other channel mattered more than Polonia 1. In my preschool group, only Yattaman was important. And if preschoolers wanted to get to the end of the work day in relative peace, they had to respect it.

Yattaman. Nobody really knew what was the story about, but it didn't matter. Or maybe the most alluring was... the repetition? When poor children from the „Home Kindergarten” had to bother with drawing exercises or making plasticine figurines, we could indulge in complete hypnosis, disconnecting gray cells. In my case, intensified by stroking the head by my friend K. It was the dream version of napping and kindergarten afternoon tea. I am sure that each of my colleagues is able to hum a jingle even now, which, apart from the psychedelic rhythms on the border between disco-polo and the monotonous voice of the teacher, breaking through the text of the song also sung in Italian, interpreted by me as Japanese at that time, was only raising the emotions accompanying each new episode. Well, but what emotions? Everyone knew from the beginning how the next episode would end and who would win was already revealed even in the song. I'm sure none of us went into the details of the eternal battle between Yattaman and Drombo. Probably noone in the kindergarten knew in about the existence of a mysterious stone called Dokuro, which long ago shattered into pieces scattered throughout the Earth and has the power to reveal the location of the largest gold deposit in the world. But it didn't matter. If we had something to trade then, we would probably open a mini STS placing bets and pledging everything, even your favorite bag for slippers, just to win on which robot to fight evil will choose Yattaman today. And this thrill at the end of each episode, combined with an attempt at total self-control, not to shout out: naked!!! This could mean the end of the adventure with Yattaman during the kindergarten's working hours, which is why each of us tried to stop on a frivolous giggle.

As you can see, in my last year of kindergarten, Yattaman became forgotten, loosing the fame fight with Zorro.

The fairy tale itself somehow awakened the imagination. Simulated driving on Yattakan, hanging on the bars of a rusty, preschool fence, after which the hands had hollows from wires, remnants of decreasing paint and a specific smell of rust on the skin. The painstaking learning of the dance of victory with commitment not present even during rhythm, to such an extent that during rehearsals often earned an elbow from a partner. And above all verbal scuffles who is more like Yattaman and before the next carnival party will definitely persuade their mother to sew their costume to outclass the competition. Not to mention the fact that looking from today's perspective of the main character of the fairy tale, I am able to draw far-reaching conclusions and associate his appearance with my ideal type of man. Only those flare trousers...

The preschool adventure with Yattaman was basically my only common path with anime. As with Mango TV (click and read), I remained faithful to my first television love, which is why I never got interested in Sailor Moon's junior classes. A short episode with Super Pig didn't break me either, and subsequent removals and a collision with my peers in Podhale, who had never heard of Yattaman before, confirmed my belief in the right choice of being their ambassador to this day.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep20-21: Everyone's Gonna Die For Like the 3rd Time

So a few days ago I kinda tossed my phone at my bro and I was like “listen, it’s dead, don’t ask why this has happened, but I can’t get it to boot. I don’t even want to deal with it right now. I’m so over it. You fix it.” And so he fixes it by doing a factory reset and was like “so...what happened?” and I was like “I can’t say right now, it is too embarrassing.”

So, keep that story in the back of your mind as we go into this episode.

It’s a Final Threat like a Final Fantasy sort of meaning of the word Final, I see.

Anyways, a review:

Anyways, Noah has a superpower now that uses these pink balls of power. There’s only 6 of them, so it’s not quite Dragonball, unfortunately. They have some writing on them but I don’t know enough Duolingo to tell you what it is right now.

Especially since I kind of stopped using Duolingo a few months back, so now all of my limited Hiragana and few scattered kanji are gone forever. Thanks brain, glad I spent like a year trying to learn that. Domo. What I tried to go and do in order to read half my twitter feed.

YEP. THAT’S RIGHT.

Yugioh broke my freakin phone.

So anyways, I tried doing a reverse image search on my PC, which is how I got Calligraphy up there. Which I realllllly don’t think is uh...the word. Then, by using a handwriting reading website I got “to fight”, but because I have pretty BAD handwriting in English even, and because I don’t know the order of strokes for really any kanji at all, that was the only one I could find.

If y’all know Japanese, I’d be very curious as to what these are. It’s probably related to something vaguely religious as that’s been Noah’s MO this whole game.

And yes, now that my phone works again, I could just try and re download Google Translate, and give it another go, but this image might actually be cursed, as is Yugioh tradition.

(read more under the cut)

But before we do anything in this upcoming duel, Pharaoh wants to make sure to immediately tell Noah he’s a freakin weirdo as quickly as possible.

Noah is not that surprised. I mean Noah is a computer brain that’s been isolated for 6 years before going cray, he does not care if Yugi thought he were the king of England. Which Yugi was once in a spinoff game, the King of England.

We get a little explanation as to why Noah has such a God Complex (without playing a single God card, ironically) in that he likes to play this rare deck that Pegasus made that I guess Kaiba and Yugi sort of forgot about? I don’t blame them, I would also try to forget about this deck.

I like that no matter where Pegasus travels, he puts on that same Banana Republic khaki white-person uniform and just marches out there. The same outfit he wears digging in Egypt is the same outfit he wears visiting Indonesia or India or Canada wherever this is.

This is probably somewhere famous, but I don’t recall it off the top of my head, forgive me. There are a lot of massive relief sculptures in Asia.

Anyways, after that one travel through the vaguely East/South East, Pegasus had a *phase.*

Now listen, I don’t really think it’s my job as a reviewer to say if shoving vaguely religious/mythical/cultural iconography into playing cards is a good idea or a bad idea, because that’s been talked to death in a million other articles you can just go and read. Every art piece has it’s own reason to exist, and every artist is their own person with their own unique life experience. I have had to sit through so much weird ass installation art and avante garde performance art, that I have learned solely one thing about art critique. I am not art Jesus. I cannot save a piece, I cannot condemn a piece. So, I will not throw down, and I will not prop up--unless of course it is weird little shorts on your main villain matched with long black golfing socks--but I am allowed to say--

...huh?...

Remember how about ten or so episodes ago I was like, low key a little confused that it appeared like Yugioh was waltzing casually into religion territory? Remember how I was like “dude do they realize this is a reference to Lazarus? Like, they’re saying Kaiba could have been THE Lazarus?” Remember when I thought that was a big deal?

Well, Yugioh turned to itself and was like “hold my beer” and then just straight up outdid itself in so many weird ways. And don’t get me wrong, most of these cards are overall fine, nothing really all that shocking, but still like...

...OK, kid’s show. I’m sure all the children in the audience understood the references in this 100%.

Also, the fact that Noah is like “I turned to somewhat religious deities from antiquity to fight your ass” is kind of funny when you recognize he’s fighting a literal Pharaoh who has like 2000 of them of them under his belt already (counting himself). Like, nice job, Noah, you got like...12 in that deck? Congrats.

Anyway, Noah and his slightly problematic deck gets thrown by a bunch of Yugi’s cards and then Noah just plops right out of this giant dude. Or dudette. I didn’t really catch the gender on the Seraphim that is actually a fairy card. But, it was like Noah was being birthed for a second time. Well, third time, if you count when he was reborn as a robot.

So long story short, now he’s a boy again.

Noah had the foresight to put his clothes back on before he fell out of this gigantic robot god thing who’s name I’ve forgotten. A shame, it would’ve been a good gag to just see how long it takes Noah to realize he’s ass naked when he’s a robot who has no sense of touch. Or...body.

Anyways, Yugi’s friends immediately start doing what they do best, which is to trashtalk the other team so badly that it would get you tossed out of most sporting events. It backfires on them not just once but...several times, and I’m telling you, it is surprising that they never actually learned in this entire episode that all they ever had to do was shut their mouth and stop backseating.

But apparently, it’s courageous to catcall your opponent. Its a sign of undying friendship as per Yugioh law.

Anyways, we’re gonna get death 169 this episode, so stop scrolling right now and then think to yourself--who’s it gonna be. Who’s gonna be death 169?

Some of you (all of you) might know this show by heart but for those who haven’t (none of you), this’ll be our little interactive portion.

OK, here we go.

YESSSSS HE FINALLY DIED.

I knew that if I kept saying “Duke will die next” that eventually the dice fall in my favor. It took like 5 or 6 deaths before this actually happened, but can I say “called it?” Is that allowed? I’m gonna say “called it” and pretend that I called this.

Although, unfortunately, I did not call everything.

Wow, Tristan won the shipping wars! All of them! He’s death 169! So NICE!

I did not predict that at all, I honestly thought that 169 would be Duke, and Bro thought it would be Kaiba. We were both so wrong.

It makes sense though. Like he is the littlest horny monkey here. He deserves 169.

Anyway, then the sad stuff starts piling up. Just like so much sadness at once. Yugioh does not pace sadness like, at all, so you never get a chance to grieve since so many deaths are back to back in this show. And by back to back I mean, they play only one round of cards in between each death.

The writing team was so excited to kill everyone off, that it was the fastest rounds of cards I’ve ever seen this show play. We should tempt them with killing off their core cast more often.

So, seeing that half of his friends have been cursed with an eternity of being brain dead and living out their existence half alive in this weird digital universe, Pharaoh starts to doubt everything about his own abilities.

How weird is it to solve your ghost’s existential crisis when you’re trapped in some VR world he shouldn’t be able to exist in anyway?

But youknow, Pharaoh does this sometimes. Sometimes Pharaoh just gets really anxious if not enough people are telling him “It’s OK, Pharaoh, you’re basically a God. You already died once even so how could it possibly be worse? You’ll probably be OK!”

It’s the typical Yugi meltdown that accompanies every Yugi duel, except Pharaoh style, so it’s lower pitched and his hair is a little bit taller.

Noah tries to take advantage of this lapse of confidence, but Pharaoh’s melt down isn’t quite enough to make him quit a game.

Again, Noah seems constantly shocked that all of Kaiba’s friends and Kaiba himself are just incapable of putting cards down and walking away. This is like the 4th time he’s begged these kids to just stop and they just kept going.

And then, it’s time for the romance of the ages that we completely forgot existed. That’s right, shippers rejoice, YugixTea is back on the table, and it’s entirely because everyone else is dead.

Show, can you even be bothered? Like I feel so bad for y’all who shipped the canon ship because they just...forgot about y’all like...a lot.

But don’t worry, it’s still very vague, and instead of giving any sort of sentimental dialogue, Tea is just going to tear into Noah like a yummy sandwich.

Also, Tea thinks that Pharaoh has control over turning people to stone, that’s a weird thing she thinks now. 

I mean for all I know, he can totally do this. Why the hell not? Go ahead, Yugioh. Surprise me.

And then...Noah just kept her alive a little longer?

I know that he was turning people into stone every turn but did I hear that wrong or did he seriously take a turn longer to freeze Tea, just to spite her?

What is it with the Kaiba’s and Tea? I make jokes that she’s the Mom of this mess of a family, but even Noah let her live way longer than anyone else here.

He got over it, though.

And then Pharaoh decided to die.

Like he wasn’t actually dead, he was just low on lifepoints, and was like....that’s it. I’m done. Goodbye world. It was a good couple of years that I haunted the Hell out of everybody through this weird, very strange child. See you next Millennium.

And then he just kind of took a nap.

Like canonically, Pharaoh just took a nap in the middle of this duel. He is out for like...kind of a while.

Pharaoh melt-downs are kind of the worst because they do seem to involve him completely shutting down. At least in this game, he isn’t lying completely flat on his face, as I have seen him do in a duel before.

PS How does this work?

I know I’m not supposed to think about it, and I’ve held back on talking about it for 20 episodes but like...Noah uploaded the mind of Yugi. Not Pharaoh.

Pharaoh’s mind is attached to Yugi through the puzzle...but the puzzle is not attached to the computer in any way. While Yugi’s brain now has a labyrinth problem, that doesn’t mean that Pharaoh would even be here. He is a magical ghost attached to Yugi’s body which is Not Actually Here.

So like...how is this happening?

Can you seriously trap Pharaoh here in this realm? You can’t, right? Like it isn’t possible, he’s the only one who’s not ever actually here in the first place.

Like...Pharaoh should be able to just wake up in the pod, open the door, and walk right out of there, just like he did with Bakura in Season 1 when Yugi got turned into a playing card. Mind you, in Season 1, Yugi’s soul was dislodged and not his brain, but this just seems like a little bit of a retcon.

I have already thought about this more than the people who made this kid’s show, so I’ll let it go, but this is one of those things I have to try real hard not to think about because...

...if Noah has full control of all their brain functions and projects images on to their brain via hallucinations, then how can they hallucinate anything else? How can you pass out and have dreams?

Which doesn’t matter of course--this doesn’t matter to the plot really, as this is a kid’s show and so just go with it--but I have been thinking about this in the background for 20 episodes and this is where I kind of couldn’t ignore it anymore because we’re gonna dive into some hella weird territory, get ready.

So anyways, Yugi comes down like some sort of cherubic angel and it was very hammy and legit pretty funny I mean look at this.

If this were Sailor Moon, Yugi would be ass naked and have huge, beautiful fairy wings covered in holographic glitter and cherry blossoms.

I’d normally just put in a picture of the infamous last episode of Sailor Moon I’m referring to in order to make this joke complete, but knowing Tumblr I’d be flagged in like two milla-seconds because this blog gets flagged KIND OF A LOT FOR A RECAP BLOG OF A KID’S SHOW, but just google it for yourself and bear with me here cuz like,

These two?

Same energy.

I see this image and I can immediately hear that woodwind just bounce off the back of my brain. It’s like conditioned in me although I allllways skip the intro.

So in this dream/literal brain world reality that they’re walking through, despite being in a digital world, Yugi has stuffed some hand selected hallucinations that seem to have like...a personality embedded into each.

So...Yugi can just create clones in his head that act like he remembers his friends act.

Really interesting superpower there.

And yes, this does mean that Pharaoh not only has no long term memories, he flat out refuses to check on his short term data as well. He is just acting purely on a margarita mix of impulse and anxiety. He is such a freakin mess.

I can’t believe this guy went on a date once.

And like, of course this is all a metaphor for how even if your friends can’t be with you physically, their memory is enough to push you forward when you’re feeling all alone. It’s a nice moral of the story, it’s just that it’s a little spooky when it’s literal.

So yeah, Yugi has a fake Kaiba at all times just flinging insults at him from within his own mind. It’s one thing to say you got the voice of all your rivals, friends, and parents pressuring you in the back of your mind, but to literally have them always stowed there, trapped together in the back of your mind is...that’s very Yugi.

This kid needs so much help.

PS nice little frosting on the cake that that he does not store any family members in the short term memory zoo exhibit. Sorry Gramps, you were uninvited from this show in S2 when Bakura knocked you unconscious and you fell off screen and then we just...forgot to ever check up on you ever again.

I’m sure Gramps is probably fine.

DON’T THINK ABOUT IT, GUYS.

I keep thinking about it and it never comes full circle. Just--the hearts of our dead friends are in these cards, although the friends we were just talking to were absolutely fake people that Yugi has copy-pasted into his clip board in his brain hut. Also, these cards were drawn before they would have given him these cards so they didn’t...actually give him cards. They just...lodged their hearts in there real good.

Although their minds are trapped in a weird rock state and their bodies are trapped in some pods...their hearts are good to go wherever.

It doesn’t matter, in the end, Yugi played a bunch of different moves--I want to say like all six cards in the longest and most complicated Yugioh turn in the history of the Earth--in order to finally end Noah.

I can’t have nice things.

Speaking of, I forgot to mention the most tragic death of this episode.

.

.

.

He may have been resurrected, but his soul was deffo disconnected with his body, or at least my PAD data (during Monster Hunter fest even) and all of my pictures and videos are gone. My auto correcting is also really effed up now, and it’s been auto correcting in kind of...really offensive ways...and I have no idea why because it’s only been rebooted for like...2 days. So it’s almost like my phone got resurrected as an evil person or something like it got Marik’d or something. Either way, I had a fun time explaining some texts at work that my dumbass phone decided were a cool idea.

The things I do for this side blog.

Anyway, if you just got here, this is a link where you can read these from the start in chrono order.

[im-basically-logan]

me yelling abt the new sander sides episode because i have no chill

under the cut, friendos!

i’m typing this as i listen/watch the video btw so it’s all in order! also this is very long

that’s... an intro.

i love joan so much hghfhgjfdhjk

new channel news yay

Tweet Tunes blz come back

“give me my shirt back!”

i still love the intro to sander sides so much

thomas what the fuck. i’m so confused

“Cast: Thomas Sanders” that’s sander sides in a nutshell

also thats a big fuckin wine glass

dont eat bad chicken wraps blz

“yeah but what’s your actual job?” oof

the beginning is very slow paced imo blehh. a good reflection on thomas’ mood in the video tbh

“i feel bad about feeling bad” me all the time

i cant believe roman got slapped in the face

roman x katana otp uwu

“Logan!!! It’s Patton!!” that was both cute and kinda odd? did he think logan would be suspicious of him being deceit? probably not

logan really goin for those claps and syllables

“Although I am overcome by a titillating, tingly sensation whenever deadlines are met” l-logan? what??? did you just say?? i agree with roman’s reaction on this one.

the poor 4th wall. also i’m not belittled

patton called himself, roman, and logan daddy

VIRGIL!!!!

virgil flapping as he’s like “Are you serious??”

the countless amount of beeps as roman and logan argue.

bestest duo

god the stretching shit

ROMAN GOT CALLED THE FUCK OUT

i mean we been knew he’s insecure but still

“do you know how dangerous that is?”

“I’m shooting straight, even though I’m gay”

dfkghdfkjhdskj patton knows what everyone calms down with hghghgfh

i love how logan just immediately starts solving the cube lol

it was 25 seconds jfc logan

tfw you’re just so good at being creativity that you color the mona lisa with shitty colors

are.. are they making a vine reference?? with the loop thing??

F r o o t

S am e  s i  es  logan s w ea t y B L Z

“get naked??” ROMAN PL E A SE

he was ready to strip what the  F UCK

intact and wet?

hfgjkhdjk logan’s trying his best

Sometime’s we don’t know that there’s a question to be asked: clarified

LOGAN COMPLIMENT PATTON FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE

i want a cogitating cap but it’s $25 sobs

textbooks, m I S T A KES (roman jfc), PUPPETS!!

yes virgil defend pat

tbh i had the same thoughts as logan at first abt the adult thing..

roman you over did the chin, buddy

“you are unbelievably extra any time you get” “put a sOCK IN IT!”

and then virgil becomes a sock puppet

I LOVE HIM I’LL TAKE 5

sweet coraline!!! BA BA BAAAAA

“if by up you mean the opposite of down to do this” that was very convoluted

what is with roman not liking the word figuratively??? are you ok?? is there some secret angst behind the meaning of that word?

patton cursed again

is... 5 by 5 a thing???

jfc logan, you wear light wash jeans?? i thought they would be dark

oh and you hit roman in the eye

ngl i laughed because he’s a puppet and couldn’t blink

oh my god logan looks so regretful w h a t?

also L is a new nickname

“Maybe I should go” “NO”

o shit

slight throwback to when Logan left in moving on part 1??? :3c

hfdjkhfkjd like mAR IA

ew feelings

“i’d rather go live in a garbage can” same

thomas we love you so much feelings are weird

jfc patton.

“oh i’m sorry, EXCEPT I’M NOT!”

big oof at roman being called out

“oh my gosh, what is up your butt?” “... an  ARM”

i mean he’s not wrong but i feel like he could’ve thought about that phrase a little more carefully

i really liked the text stuff when logan was talking about “Why?”

solid electric company reference yeet

SHSHDHGHSHSHDHHSHSHH

logan flailing his arms is a mood

“i could list off several factors that very well could be contributing to your doubts” someone let him sp e a k

and it’s virgil.

lmao that was a big “I’ll take what I can get” bit for logan ngl rip

hfgkdhjdkfs virgil as the count i’m

logan’s looks he’s giving virgil are m o o d s

“three depressing speculations, ah ah ah...”

“four uncomfortable characters in this room”

“jeez you slobbily eat some jam and accidentally make a jew puns and now you’re suddenly sensitive about being taken seriously?” “I’m not a joke!”

YI K E S

the logan angst i’ve been craving

logan blz hhhhhh

headcanon: adjusting his tie is a big stim

you can see virgil’s expression in the puppet when patton calls him a cute muffin wowie puppeteering is neat!

roman ur being an ass

“it’s too bad your brain isnt as big as your chin” “well you smell like FOOT” hfdjhgjfkdhs

there’s so many more logan screenshots i gottttttt yessss

“what? no-” too late, it’s musical time

“another song, really?” logan, you literally sang last episode

this patton angst return

“Did that work?” “Nope!” logan’s face at that. b o i did you not pay attention? to moving on pt 2? he was kinda there as thomas right?? maybe?? oh no

“I knew you’d listen to me as too scary to ignore” hello @asofterfan got that thing down to a T.

logan just looks so shook like “oh shit”

“but when you lo-care for someone...” virgil, we all heard it.

logan breaking down the musical into just the keyboard was p cool

hghgnhghfhsg THE ONE SHOT SLAM

ahdsdshjkdfsk i love this part with logan and thomas so MU CH

ALSO! I think there was a key change to something minor? sounded much more overlooming/scary as they ended their verses

“You’re lost” “I’m right here” “It’s okay. I was lost once too...” i’m just shook.

roman just hangs his actual dirty socks jfkdkfdh

that trumpet thoooooo

virgil just callin everyone out today

logince angst content yeet

“logic always has a part to play, logan” ye  s s s s ss  validate him, virgil

virgil is callin out and validatin everybody today

dont hug me i’m scared ref, nice

moxiety hug!!

“that god i can move my arms again”

i can’t say i was surprised with logan becoming a robot sorta puppet

“iron giant nerd!” yeah

“I’ve never felt anything in my life” no patton squeal?

oh my god logan just said beep boop what a nerd

virgil telling patton about the innocent talks thing was something i really liked and was expecting eventually tbh

logan giving roman a high five!!!

“you did the stretchy arm!” “it’s not as gross when a robot does it” i need to see the arm thing jfc

“Can you tell me how to get-” “How to get to sesame street!” they just all... left him. rip

logan can’t summon well or control his shapeshifting powers that well?? hmm?

i love that ending with the sesame street throwback again aaaaaa

the way roman and patton laughed in the end card?? what the hell lmao

thomas throwing shade at himself with his own characters is a mood

Thanks to everyone who works on Sander Sides!! This was the longest episode yet, I think. The team grew so much

[glorioustidalwavedefendor]

Love, Death & Robots.

Can I just say, how happy it makes me, that the anthology series is back?

I mean, Love, Death & Robots isn‘t the first by a long shot … but still, I am glad that this art form is back. It lends itself so very beautifully to the telling of small stories.

I lnow I am late on the band wagon, but this is my hot take on Love, Death & Robots. Just fresh of bingeing it. No reflection just feeling … or in other words, the result of rubbing my last two sleep deprived braincells together.

It‘s just my opinion, nothing more.

On the technical side of things …

This show is fucking gorgeous. The style usually goes with the general tone of the story, all of them competently and craft fully realized. The same goes for the voice work, the sound design and the soundtrack.

On a side note, diversity is so so, could be better but could be worse … I‘d say average …

It‘s definitely NC-17. Blood, gore, violence, sex and lovingly rendered co**s. We have it all. If you are sensible … you might want to skip some of the stories …

Beware … here there be spoilers

"Sonnie's Edge"

A woman named Sonnie remotely controls a genetically-engineered monster in underground gladiatorial battles. A rich man offers her a lot of money to lose, but she refuses. After she wins the combat, he comes back to make her pay, only to discover he got things very wrong.

I really liked the concept of the story, though not so much the execution. I am just not a huge fan of the „live begins at rape“-trope and I thought that backstory element was rather clumsily handled. I also feel like we could have reached the same twist wit a different backstory …

It‘s a really great twist.

I mean, I am not to clever, maybe you‘ll see it coming a mile away … but I still think it‘s a good twist …

Carefull, gore and boobs …

"Three Robots"

After the destruction of humanity, three robots take a vacation tour around seemingly abandoned city, trying to understand how humans lived based on their limited knowledge of them and the things they left behind. The surprise comes when they met a cat.

It‘s exactly what it says on the tin. It is sweet, adorable, funny … surprisingly meta in it‘s message, without getting too heavy handed, it has kittens … I love it.

If you have problems with skulls, skip it, there a loads of it here …

"The Witness"

A woman witnesses a murder in a building in front of the hotel where she is staying. She flees from him through a surreal city.

What it say on the tin. The twist isn‘t really a surprise if you pay attention, but it‘s a case of blink and you miss it.

I like the concept a lot and the execution was alright …

Nudity … lots of it … also blood … so, if that is a no, for you … skip it. Otherwise, I really like the twist … I say that a lot …

"Suits"

A small community of farmers pilot mech suits to defend their land from an invading swarm of insectoid aliens.

Again, what it says on the tin … a little heavy handed with the characterization, but they have only minutes to establish them, so that‘s O.K. for me. The characters are all very sweet and caring … not so much a twist ending as a WTF moment.

The violence is relatively tame … maybe PG 13, if you can stomach alien blood and a major character death …

"Sucker of Souls"

Awakened by an archaeological excavation, a bloodthirsty demon fights a crew of mercenaries.

What‘s on the tin.

I really liked this one. I like the  archaeologist, I like the mercenaries, … The ending is a bit … not disappointing … but you feel a bit cheated.

I also feel like this could work very well as Terror AU, with Goodsir being the archaeologist and the mercenaries being Crozier, fem-Blanky and … maybe Fitzjames …

The actual gore … rather graphic, though the style isn‘t hyper realistic … if you‘re sensible, definitely skip this one …

"When The Yogurt Took Over"

Yogurt developed by scientists becomes sentient and takes over the world.

What can I ay? It‘s what‘s on the tin.

Rather tame, except for a few moments of very dark humor … the style is very cartoony, so … not for the faint of heart maybe, but it should be fine for most people.

"Beyond the Aquila Rift"

Blue Goose's crew—Thom, Suzy, and Ray—are on a mission to reach beyond the Aquila Rift, but an error in the routing plot causes unexpected events to happen.

Sort of, what it says on the tin … but not …

I really liked it, … not particularly gory per see except for a quick scene … but if you hate spiders, definitely stay away … also boobs …

This one would also make for a great Terror AU, with Crozier as the Captain and Sophia as his long lost acquaintance …

"Good Hunting"

In early 20th century China, a boy becomes friends with a shape-shifting huli jing after his father kills the huli jing's mother. Years later, living in a steampunk Hong-Kong, they find each other again.

I really like the idea behind this … the thought  that magic can not exists in a world full of iron and steam. I loved that concept back in Lords and Lady's and I still love it.

I just could have done without the sex trafficking …

I‘d prefer d if she‘d just gotten a new body on her own terms, … Because I really like the concept that she has to change herself completely in order to control this new magic …

Definitely not for the faint of heart … what‘s on the screen is upsetting enough … the implications even more so …

Also, lots of nudity …

"The Dump"

A city inspector tries to convince Ugly Dave to move out of his house which is located in a dump. However, Dave and his pet are not intent on doing so.

This one was wearing tapp shoes … but I still like it … its cute … and dark … sensible people … maybe skip it …

Nudity … death and gore … also a puppy …

"Shape-Shifters"

Two close friends in the Marines with supernatural powers have to fight one of their own in Afghanistan.

Whats on the tin. Short, sweet, heartbreaking … gore … major character death … Nudity

"Helping Hand"

An astronaut faces a life or death situation after an accident while spacewalking in orbit. Now she has to decide, arm or live …

This was a hard one for me to watch … not so much for the gore … there is none … but just seeing her being so brave and inventive and … so so fucked … it was a hell of a ride, for me it was worth it …

God damn she is awesome!

"Fish Night"

Two salesmen get stuck in the desert, and discover that the desert is not what it seems at night.

I love it!

I loved the concept wen Pratchett came up with it for wee free men … where he mentioned it in a throw away line … and I was angry at myself for days, that I never came up with it myself …

Spooky, pretty … bloody … there was a shark … Nudity

I was sad, but I‘ll definitely give it a rewatch …

This doesn't so much work as an entire Terror AU, but I feel like, the concept does lend itself easily to being used with Silna …

"Lucky 13"

A pilot recalls her missions aboard the dropship Lucky 13, which had already lost two crews before.

Boy did I cry at this one … bit gory … and onions, so many onions … who the fuck needs so many onions at this time of night?

But yeah, I have a thing for ships … sue me …

"Zima Blue"

A reclusive artist gives a final interview after 100 years.

I love this … the style is very stylized and lends itself beautiful to the story … ah … I think this is even something for the faint of heart … also, in my case onions …

"Blindspot"

A cyborg crew attempts to rob a convoy.

What‘s on the tin, pretty straight forward … nothing special … but I feel that is less the stories fault and more the fact that it is simply outclassed among all the others …

Violent, but cartoony … so … no idea … proceed with caution?

"Ice Age"

A couple who just moved into the apartment finds a civilization inside an antique refrigerator.

What‘s on the tin.

Really sweet, really cute … cute couple … I feel like, some of the lines could have used one more rewrite, but that is me nitpicking. I really liked it, it was awesome, definitely gonna rewatch it … I feel like this is even for the faint of heart …

It is also very refreshing to see a married couple just hanging out together … love it

"Alternate Histories"

Multiversity, an alternative history research simulation app, shows the viewer the death of Adolf Hitler in 6 different timelines on their welcome demo.

I feel like Douglas Adams came back from the dead to write this … I get defined Hitchhiker vibes.

Ah … dark, but super cartoony, so the violence is rather tame … still, not G rated, despite the style … Nudity

I liked it a lot …

"Secret War"

A platoon of Red Army soldiers hunt down the undead in the forests of Siberia.

What it say on the tin.

The style is super realistic, so nothing for the faint of heart. Blood, gore … more blood, more gore …

I liked it …

And, is it just me, or is the Lieutenant the spitting image of John Morfin?

This would make an amazing Terror AU, you pretty much only have to change the names … even the Lieutenants second gives me Collins vibes …

I hope I got all the Nudity, but there is a lot of it … not even always in a sexy way, just in a “humans sometimes are naked” way …

And that was  Love, Death & Robots.

Was it good?

Hell yes!

Do I want more?

Definitely …  though I don‘t have to high hopes for a potential second season … once burned twice shy … But I‘d be delighted if we get one as good or even better.

[mdwatchestv]

Westworld 2x02: I Am Never Learning Character Names

Wow I don’t know about you, but I was surprised by how many of my questions from episode one were addressed! Kind of refreshing how forthcoming this season is with explanation and backstory, I have a clear picture of what to expect from this show moving forward!

Jk lol I have no idea what the fuck is going on. Not only do we have zero answers, but we have at least one (possibly two) additional timelines to contend with. I don’t know if it was intensely noticeable but most of my show recaps I just wing from memory, if I don’t remember it, might as well not have happened. Not so here my friends! I have written detailed notes. God this show is so impenetrable, maybe if I just make this whole blog an introduction no one will notice.

Okay so this episode starts with Dolores breaching the Westworld control center immediately (?) after the massacre that ended last season. Westworld workers don’t believe a panicked guest that they are under attack, causing one to yell out towards the commotion in the hall “Hey, is there some kind of trouble out there?” Out of all the things that have happened on Westword, that line of dialogue was honestly the most egregious. I can’t let it go. Anyway there is trouble out there, and it’s Dolores coming to kill everyone. With her is poor Teddy who is finally seeing behind the curtain and he is SHOOK UP. Teddy is not ready for this jelly, for any jelly (more on this later). Dolores tells the guest who questions her ability to take over the “real”, world that she is more than suited to lay waste to “our” world because she remembers it, she’s seen it before. Or has she?

Cue another timeline. In this flashback, we see Arnold (human Arnold) talking to Dolores in an ultra modern Hong Kong-ish city. Have you ever seen anything so full of splendor? Arnold argues with a much younger Ford that Dolores isn’t ready for something (we will soon see what that is). Arnold then takes Dolores across  the city to see the foundations of a home he is intending to build for his family to be “closer to work”. Later in this same timeline, or at least this same world, we see our old friends Ben Barnes and Jimmi Simpson pre their own Westworld experience. Ben Barnes, son of the head of Delos, is being courted by the Argos Initiative (another corporate name to learn) whose representatives are Zahn McClarnon (from Fargo! and pretty obviously a host) and Talulah Riley (known host).

I’d like to pause my recap here to call out my absolute favorite thing about Westworld, and that is its music. To me nothing better encapsulates the thematic soul of the show than Ramin Djawadi’s beautiful re-workings of pop songs. They are both familiar, and strange, both closely nostalgic and tantalizingly out of reach. What a purely delightful moment to realize season one’s bank heist was set to a swelling orchestral Paint It Black. What better way to underscore a series about a world like our own, but not quite; people who are like us, but not really. This is all to say that when that first high C note rang out during this scene it was immediately transporting, like an audible firework. The artist of that particular piece is not having the best time saying... ideas at the moment.... but this instrumental cover of Runaway was absolutely gorgeous and I loved it! It’s on Spotify if you want to relive in your car. 

Okay back to Ben Barnes. Zahn and Talulah take Ben to a room filled with guests, telling him this is his private demonstration of their tech, and his job is to spot the “robot” in the group. As we’ve already guessed, there is not one host, but rather everyone in the room, including Talulah and Zahn, are hosts. We noticeably see the ill-fated Clementine at the piano, and Jonathan Tucker (!!) amongst the crowd. Ben Barnes is floored, and Delos’ interest in the business is fatefully sealed. The deal is christened by Ben Barnes sleeping with Talulah (and others), and we see what it really was Arnold was protecting Dolores from. 

Theory alert: This timeline is presented to us as being in the ‘real’ world, we see a glittering city, and presumably this is what current-day Dolores is referring to when she says that she has seen “our” world. My theory is that this is NOT actually “our” world but rather another park, or discreet Argos Initiative bunker/illusion/subspace. For one thing the city, although massive, has no recognizable landmarks, and is clearly not meant to be recognized. For another we know that Jimmi Simpson and Ben Barnes were explicitly invited for a demonstration, whether that was to the club they were hanging out at, or a larger space is not made clear. Argos has also brought a great number of their highly-profitable and (up until that part) confidential tech to this space, which would be risky to transport. Arnold also describes the city as eventually not looking like anything, which feels very close to the wording “it doesn’t look like anything to me.” The explanation he has of building his house “closer to work” also felt a bit cryptic. Also later in the episode when we see the palm tree laden Delos estate, there is a very similar looking city across a body water. Feels suspish!

ALTERNATIVELY the city also feels a bit futuristic, and the fact that it’s unidentifiable could mean that Westworld is taking place in a future time period OR a radically different “real” world than ours. Ben Barnes comments that “we aren’t here yet” with tech, which feels like he is living in a world similar to ours. But we haven’t had any experience with the world outside Westworld and of course assumed it was like ours, but what if it’s not???? 

Also while we are wiggling around in the past let’s hit up the throwback scene where Jimmi Simpson (now jaded and on his way to blackhatdom) pitches Westworld to his father-in-law, the supremely enjoyable Peter Mullan. Jimmi Simpson claims that Westorld is more than just a diversion, but rather a way to delve people’s darkest desires, to see what it is they really want. This scene raises the question - what is it that Delos wants? Is there interest in the park purely for market research, or is there something more nefarious? There are all sorts of ways that learning about wealthy people’s secrets could be profitable after all. The question of what it is that Delos wants is also amplified by the fact that we know in present day they are after the Westworld park code, so is there an even larger design at work? We are also treated to a flashback to Peter Mullan’s retirement slash Jimmi Simpson’s ascension party. There a piano-playing Dolores runs into a sloshed Ben Barnes, who is horrified and disgusted by whatever it is that Delos has planned for Westworld. If we know anything about our friend Mr. Barnes from his time in the park, his morals are more than a little loose- so to see his contempt for whatever it is that’s happening should be more than a little alarming.

Back in our more present day with BAMF Dolores, she learns from torturing an employee that Delos has sent an army of people after her and the other host rebels. So what does Dolores need? A bigger army. She sets off into the park to recruit hosts where she runs into Maeve and co on their own mission. Dolores tries to recruit Maeve, but Maeve says revenge is just another construct (which is weird because I thought she said all she wanted was revenge literally in the last episode but whatever) and thinks that Dolores’ bloody quest is worthless. This was in an interesting interaction and illustrated how these two hosts are responding differently to their “independence” (if either of them is really even acting independently). Dolores is seeking revenge and retribution against perceived wrong doing, while Maeve is using her consciousness to pursue her own desires. Which is the expression of true freedom, which is the more righteous path? These are the questions of Westworld.

The army Dolores has in mind are the Confederados of Westworld who are led by none other than our very own Jonathan Tucker! Dolores proves her might by shooting them all to death and then reviving their leader (Jonathan Tucker). By pulling back the veil of their perceived reality she proves herself to be the real deal and gains their allegiance. Teddy continues to be shooketh. In this episode especially we see that Teddy is really not Getting With The Program, which could be even more reason why Dolores perceives him as not able to go on to take over the “real” world aka drown-worthy. Dolores wants to take her army to a weapon she knows about at the edge the park (again the valley beyond). How does she know about the weapon? Because once again a man woke her up to monologue to her. Guys, you have GOT to stop doing this. This time the man was Jimmi Simpson, who I think mostly just wanted to see her naked, and also drop some exposition. 

Speaking of Jimmi Simpson, his older iteration Ed Harris (The Man in Black) reunites with his lackey Clifton Collins, Jr. in the “present”, or sometime in the post-massacre park. He too is looking to recruit an army, and goes in search of El Lazo’s band of criminals (keep in mind Clifton Collins, Jr in some storylines was also El Lazo). There we are surprised to see the leader of this crew (the new El Lazo) is none other than Giancarlo Esposito! Giancarlo refuses to aid The Man in Black, instead he delivers a monologue about elephants. This little speech is about questioning ones own reality, but whether this is an instruction for The Man in Black (who is in a prison of his own making), or a warning about the hosts in the park (who have now pulled up their stakes) remains to be seen. He then tells The Man in Black this is a game he must play on his own, before he and all his men commit suicide. Chilling! This is all part of the game Ford has left for the Man in Black, clearly part of the end game is forcing The Man in Black to confront something solo. The Man in Black, like Dolores, is also seeking the thing he created years ago, something he says he never should have done, at the edge of the park So what is it?? Dolores thinks its a weapon, but I don’t think it’s quite so literal, maybe it’s more of an insurance policy? Could it be the a dam or water reserve that winds up flooding the park and killing most of the hosts? My brain is tired. 

Questions: 

What is it that Jimmi Simpson made and left in the park? 

What are Delos’ true intentions with Westworld?

What or where is the city that we saw?

What is the geography of the parks? Are they all close together, or perhaps world over? Can one hop to the next?

What is Ford’s game for The Man in Black?

Did Dolores kill Teddy (i say yes)?

Are Maeve and Dolores really operating under their own free will? Or are they still playing out a narrative? 

When will will this blog be over?

I can answer the last one, it’s now!

XO MD