#but then i remember how the online spaces have been the past few years and its like...mm....yeah...maybe not...

[blackypng]

SIIIGHH im always a bit anxious to post my mioshun literally anywhere but I'm also surprised by the lack of fan content there are of them so I guess I should contribute in some way or another, so here's some sketches that I've done of them! UHH and thats it! i love harueto a lot gahh

[muniimyg]

𐙚₊˚⊹ bbydaddy!yoongi (3) ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹

series m.list // taglist

//

it’s been almost three weeks since you last saw him. 

so, when you walk into the clinic, flushed cheeks and tucked-in hair and all—yoongi’s first thought catches him off guard. 

oh, i missed you. 

your absence crept into him slowly over the past few weeks. it filled in all the small gaps of his days with a quiet ache he had never noticed until now. it’s weird to say the least. 

when you spot him, a small and hesitant smile tugs at the corner of your mouth. yoongi smiles back, fuller than you expected. it’s still a casual smile but his eyes tell all. 

"hey," you say, voice soft as you approach him.

your fingers nervously fidgeting with the strap of your bag. he notices and reaches over to take your bag. 

you let him. 

"hey."

he tries to sound professional, though he knows he’s already failing. his voice is laced with excitement and nervousness. "let’s head to an exam room, yeah?"

then, he gestures down the hallway, and you follow.

as you two walk, you clear your throat. 

“where is everyone?”

“nam joon and jin have an online doctor's conference so they’re in jin’s office. hobi has a patient, jimin’s his nurse, and taehyung’s on his lunch break.” yoongi answers you like he reviewed for this. 

“and jungkook?”

yoongi blinks at you before placing his hand on your lower back and guiding you through the 3rd door to the left. 

is it bad he wants to be dismissive? is it bad that he’s a little annoyed you’re asking about jungkook while literally in the midst of finding out if you’re pregnant with his child?

doesn’t matter.

yoongi is mature. he answers you patiently—only really annoying himself.

“he’s my rn. told him my patient requested a private exam so he’s on a break too.” 

the room’s quiet when you two step inside. just the soft hum of the vent and the door shutting fills the silence. yoongi helps you sit on the exam bed. you don’t say anything, letting the crinkling paper under you shift as you settle in. yoongi gathers his supplies, his eyes darting toward you between movements.

“so... how’ve you been?” he asks, rolling up his sleeves. 

it feels like such a weak question. like it’s too small for all the things yoongi actually wants to say (because it is).

“fine. a little... tired, i guess?” you forces a tiny laugh. “and you? how’s work been? the space is really well done. i think the last time i saw it was during the final renovation process.”

“it’s nice, isn’t it?” yoongi states pridefully. 

“aren’t you into interior design? i’m gonna guess you controlled the overall aesthetic.” 

yoongi chuckles at you lightly. “we decorated a gingerbread house together once 2 years ago and you can never let that little discovery go, huh?” 

you stick your tongue out at him and swing your feet. “you’re pretty obvious with things you like.”

yoongi stares at you, eyebrows lifting in quiet surprise. 

you’re pretty obvious with things you like. 

your words hang in the air, sinking into him with a weight he hadn’t expected—he hadn’t prepared for.  he tries to play it off, mouth twitching into a half-smile, but he can feel his face warming.

there’s a small silence, and he can feel his heart picking up speed. his brain racing through all the ways he’s been maybe—not-so-subtle.

the way he leans a little closer when you talk.

how he remembers every little thing you mention— stupid things like how you prefer your coffee bitter. 

it hits him all at once.

he’s not fooling anyone. 

but for some reason; he hopes to fool you. even if it’s just a little while longer. as complicated as it sounds, he isn’t sure how much more risk he can put your friendship at. 

his throat tightens, and he clears it.

“...guess i am,” he murmurs, unable to hide the quiet honesty in his voice.

you stay quiet.

a little unsure if your friendship always had these silent gaps in between or if it’s because of the tension between you two right now. you attempt once more. 

“so… work?”

“work? oh… it’s the same, mostly.” he shrugs, tying a tourniquet around your arm. his fingers brush your skin for just a second longer than necessary. “though it’s nice to have an interesting case now and then,” he teases, his lips quirking up just slightly. 

“oh, so i’m interesting now?” you tease, trying for lightness. although, your voice shakes a little.

you hope he doesn’t notice. 

he does. 

“well... always have been, if i’m honest,” yoongi snickers. “blood test first and then we’ll do a urine sample. i can have the blood test result by tomorrow.”

“okay,” you say as you shut your eyes.

yoongi then slips a needle into your vein with practiced ease. once you feel the pinch, you flutter your eyes open. 

they meet yoongi’s and for a fleeting moment—he feels his chest tighten. 

as the vial fills with blood, yoongi realizes this is the closest you two have been in weeks. 

there’s something unspoken about it but very understood when he reaches for your free hand and squeezes it. you gulp and offer him a small smile. 

when it’s over, yoongi gently places a bandage on your arm. his fingers brush your skin again, lingering just a (another) second too long before he steps back.

"all done," he says softly, but he knows they’re only just beginning. “ready to pee in a cup?”

“more than ever.” 

with that, he laughs and takes your hand. yoongi helps you down and reaches for the sample cup. his arms wrap around your waist ever so gently as he guides you out of the exam room and into the washroom. 

yoongi waits for you outside the washroom door.

yoongi watches you pace, the linoleum tiles squeaking under your sneakers. 

"it only takes a few minutes," he says, tapping the test strip on the countertop, trying to sound as calm as he can. you’re nodding, but your hands are twisting the hem of your shirt. 

the clock ticks away the longest three minutes of your lives.

yoongi's eyes dart between the test and the silent tension builds up between you and him. when he glances at you, you’re staring at the counter. 

like you’re bracing yourself. 

like you already know. 

then, the lines appear. 

yoongi’s throat tightens, fingers hovering over the little strip with too much gravity for its size. his throat feels dry and suddenly he’s all out of words. he’s speechless as the results speak for themselves. 

but then, he can feel your eyes on him—waiting, hopeful, and terrified all at once.

“___,” yoongi breathes. “it’s positive.”

a moment passes.

"oh my god,” you choke. “hyemi is gonna lose her shit."

yoongi drives you home. 

he takes the rest of the day off actually. he excuses himself and lets jungkook know something came up. no one catches you two leaving the clinic together. 

now, here you two are. 

sitting in his car, parked outside your family home. the weight of the news hangs in the air. it’s not heavy—but it’s not exactly light. it’s… different. it’s more good than bad—actually, it’s not bad at all.

both of you sit there, still processing the reality of it all. 

“i want whatever you want,” yoongi finally says, breaking the stillness. his gaze is focused on you, sincere and adoring. 

you nod, accepting his words. 

“this is what i want,” you say simply. though your voice trembles with a mix of excitement and disbelief—you mean it. “look, i know my baby fever is batshit crazy and the whole time we fucked i was literally such a freak, but this—this is so precious, you know? new life. are you fucking—oops, sorry baby—” you pat your stomach.

“yoongi, this is ours.”

you shift something in yoongi. 

his heart flutters at the word. 

ours. 

it plunges his heart and engraves itself; ours. 

there is no other way to act or feel. 

the thought of being a dad feels surreal. it’s like something out of a dream. he’s always wanted to have a family.

okay, fine.

is the status of their relationship ideal? no. but the reality of a baby, their baby, makes his heart race.

and so what if he isn’t prepared? so what if this wasn’t what he expected? so what if a first date would’ve been a better idea? the questions flood his mind, but they quickly fade as he looks at the way you look at him. 

hopeful. 

excited. 

scared shitless. 

joyous. 

the joy on your face igniting something deep within him. 

he wants this too. 

even if it feels overwhelming. even if it isn’t ideal. even if it means navigating through a literal lifetime with you from here on out.

yoongi’s gaze softens.

“we’re doing this... together. this is ours.”

“together,” you echo, a wide grin spreading across your face. your eyes tear up from all the emotions and the rushing feeling of relief. with soft tone, you murmur; “ours.”

you two look at each other, unable to read one another. all you know is that this isn’t as scary as you thought it’d be. yoongi’s eyes are kind and the way he reaches to squeeze your upper thigh makes you feel safe.

“you know what? i’ll be the first to say it,” yoongi laughs. “congratulations, mama.” 

your eyes widen and you burst into laughter. 

your laugh fills his car, bright and full of life. you can’t help but to lean in and wrap your arms around him. you hold him tight. he holds you tighter. 

when you pull away, you two lock eyes. 

the air feels thick with anticipation. yoongi’s heart races as his eyes shift from yours to your lips then back to you. you’re looking at him with an expression mixed of excitement and vulnerability. he can’t help but admire the way the light catches in your gaze.

time seems to slow as you two hold each other’s stare. both of you are caught in the moment.

for a heartbeat, it’s just you and yoongi.

two people on the brink of something new and beautiful. yoongi leans in a fraction, drawn by an invisible thread, while you tilts your head slightly. your lips part and the urge to close the distance grows stronger. 

but you blink. 

and yoongi hesitates. 

the tension cuts. 

you pull away first and sit back. yoongi clears his throat and does a double take. then, he thinks; fuck it. 

he leans over and unbuckles your seatbelt. 

“should i walk you to your door—”

“no, no,” you insist. “yes, i’m pregnant with your child… but we don’t have to act like—”

“act like what?” yoongi huffs. “am i not allowed to care for you?”

you shrug. 

"___, you're literally carrying my child—"

“you know what? i’ll be in touch regarding child support,” you tease, a mischievous glint in her eyes. with that, you open the car door and step out. 

yoongi rolls his eyes. 

“you’re ridiculous,” he replies, shaking his head but unable to suppress the smile spreading across his face. then, he unbuckles his seatbelt and jogs around the car. he shuts the car door for you. 

you give him a look. 

he mimics it. 

then, you scrunch your nose and accept what’s happening.

yoongi walks beside you, fingertips lingering and all. he tells you that he’ll let you know what the blood work says tomorrow. he tells you to let him know if you need anything and not to worry about anything health related as, in his words; “no discussion needed. i got it.”

all you do is nod and try your best to stop your heart from fluttering so much.

[silencesscreams]

i can see you

james potter x best friends sister!reader (smut)

summary: james develops a strange feeling for sirius’ sister (reader) when she comes to london once her job required her to move. he first off thought she was a shitty person, an awful one with an awfully pretty face. so when sirius offers for her to stay in their loft until she finds an apartment, he decides he’s going to make her want to get out of there as fast as possible, until he wants her to stay more than anything in this whole world.

a/n: omg im so sorry this took so long, i tried my best w this one. also, english isn’t my first language so sorry for any mistakes. inspired by i can see you - taylor swift

warnings: mdni. smut with plot, afab!reader, use of she/her pronouns in reference to reader, use of y/n (I AM SORRY), afab!reader, being shorter than james, muggle & modern day!au, chef!peter, ships included (dorlene, marylily, wolfstar), swearing, cuddling, mentions of alcohol and drinking, a lot of physical touch, kind of public??, kissing, praise, v soft dom!james, fingering, oral (m receiving), light choking, size kink??, penetration, unprotected (don’t do this please), overstimulation

for the past two years, you started to have weekly calls with your brother, to update him on your life and know what’s happening on his.

you got transferred to london because of your job, you couldn’t find any apartments online and you were supposed to move the other week, being really desperate you told him about it, hoping he knew a real estate agent or something like that, but you were incredibly caught by surprise with his answer.

“thats such nonsense, you should just stay in my empty room until you find another place.” sirius said, his phone on speaker as he made a sandwich in the kitchen. james eyed him with a confused look on his face, but sirius decided to ignore it.

“really?” you ask, hopeful, you really could take a break from looking for apartments.

“of course. i mean, remus has practically moved into my room, so we just need to take some stuff of his out, but yeah, its no big deal.” james couldn’t help but look at him like he was crazy, remus’ room was right next to his, hell, remus’ room had a bathroom adjoined to his. james was starting to feel faint.

as soon as sirius got off the phone with you, he started blabbing.

“what the fuck, sirius?!” james said loudly, sirius sighed, putting his sandwich harshly on the plate.

“what now? i’m really just trying to eat here”

“your sister? really?” he looked like he was about to faint.

“she’ll pitch in on the rent, don’t worry about that” your brother tried to get him calm.

“oh please, i dont care about that! you know how i feel about sharing spaces” he was getting stressed, he couldn’t help it. “and you know how i feel about your family, i have been telling you to be more careful these past years but you don’t listen at all!”

it really had to be remus’s room? couldn’t peter just switch rooms and lend her his instead?

“she’s not like my parents, and neither is regulus, they didn’t do anything” sirius paused, “do your best friend a favor, will you?” and he knew he was going to.

“she’s not messy or nosy or anything like that, right?” james asked, giving into it fully.

“please, shes a cleaning freak, she’s worse than my mother” he paused. “that’s an exaggeration but she’s not messy at all, i swear. you wont even notice she’s around.” james doubted that, but he knew how much sirius missed his siblings, and he knew how fond sirius was of you.

james swore to himself he was going to get you to leave either way, he didn’t want you there and he didn’t care if he had to pay more rent because of it. he didn’t like you, he never did. even in school, before the whole sirius moving out thing, he felt weird around you. and he remembered that feeling very well, even if it was many years before, he didn’t feel like he could forget.

-

your moving truck arrived at the building a few hours before you, but when you got there, sirius had already arranged your furniture, which did make you a bit emotional. he had even bought a toothbrush, carefully arranging it in the right side of the cabinet, the side that pointed towards the door of the bathroom that led to your room.

the boys came to pick you up at the train station, you recognized them from sirius’ social media. they were everywhere.

you were extremely confused on why all of them had come and pick you up, you were hoping to see your brother standing awkwardly, instead he was there with all of his roommates. you felt like you were a teenage girl again, trying to talk to your brother during lunch, but his friends were always around.

you recognized remus from the photos he sent you, and peter was always on the background of your calls with him baking something.

and then there was james.

james potter. you didn’t know how to feel about him anymore. when your brother first introduced you, you found him attractive, but then you hated him.

when your brother ran away to his home you couldn’t help but hate him.

sure, your house wasn’t the best place in the world, but he took away your older brother, how were you supposed to feel?

as time passed you started to tolerate his presence. now you really don’t care about him, but he sure looked better than he usually did many years before.

-

you felt like you could kill him.

after living with james for a month you found him obnoxious, rude, annoying and a few other things you were too lazy to mention.

but the thing you hated the most was how invasive he could be.

you barged into his room, he was laying there, crumbs all over his red shirt.

"you should learn how to knock" he rolled his eyes when he said it, your brows furrowed.

"you ate my brownies." you had baked a few because it was bring your kid to work day and you were in charge of the snacks.

“they were really good, i thought peter made them” james paused. “he runs a restaurant downtown, you know, he’s always baking and-“

“i’m gonna have to make a whole new batch. you ate like ten of them.” you were about to get a really bad headache depending on his answer.

“i told you, they were really good.”

if you were in a cartoon you would’ve turned red and there would be smoke coming out of your nostrils and your ears. you had no comment.

you hated when he did that, just compliment you so you couldn’t really hate him that much anymore.

he used your shampoo, but it smelled really nice.

he ate your leftovers, but you really know how to order chinese food.

he even wore one of your biggest shirts you bought when you were in college because you were too lazy to buy pajamas and suddenly that shirt was really nice, because, sure, james potter actually listened to avril lavigne.

he shrunk one of your favorite sundresses, you almost cried that day and he never even apologized.

the list went on and on, and somehow, every compliment of his sounded like he was taunting you, making fun of you right in front of your face and all you could ever do was thank him.

maybe that’s just how you were, polite no matter what. but you sure didn’t want to be polite to james that day.

“no, you don’t get to do that” you felt like you were being crazy.

“what do you mean?” he chuckled. he so did not chuckle.

“you don’t get to compliment me! that doesn’t bring my brownies back!” the word brownie sure sounded stupid in that moment.

“i’ll bake more for you, but they’ll suck, you know that” he actually sat on the bed to argue, how kind of him.

“the kids will probably die if they eat your brownies.”

“you’re feeding children? where do you even work?” he looked so confused and you kept getting angrier.

“do i really look like the kind of person who would eat a hundred billion thousand brownies? god, james, why can’t you just not touch my shit?”

“that’s not even a real number and there were a lot of them! i thought it wouldn’t make a difference!”

“it wouldn’t, if you had eaten one or two, but you ate half of them!”

“oh please, lets put it to a maximum of 25%, alright?” you felt like you were going absolutely insane. he was probably going to get you in a mental hospital and you’d be walking around, looking half dead, murmuring ‘brownies brownies brownies, i want my brownies back’.

you decided to just give up, slamming the door the hardest you could while heading out.

-

as halloween came around, the bickering with james stopped, you didn’t quite know if it was because of the season or you just got used to each other, but you didn’t mind it much. he could be very exhausting when upset, and you were sure you could too.

you loved fall, maybe it was that you were in a great mood. pumpkin flavored stuff, candles and everything else included.

on the day before halloween, you woke up early, you had to go apartment hunting and once you got back you would try and help peter make deserts. even though your ghost shaped cookies look like very sick jellyfish, you wanted to help. it was the most you could do, you weren’t paying rent, sirius wouldn’t let you. and they were going to throw a party on the next day so you wanted to help them get everything settled.

when you got home you were so incredibly tired, you had spent all day out and it was already 9pm. you had to walk so much you felt like you were your feet would fall off because they were used more on that day than they were your entire life. you were more upset you didn’t get to help with the food though, the pain didn’t really matter that much compared to that.

you just wanted to lay on your bed, put your feet up and-

giggles.

there were giggles coming from your room.

and then you remembered it, the neighbors, a few girls that went to the same school as you and were very good friends with your brother were staying over. a big slumber party of some sort, you and james were sleeping in the living room, because, of course, the four girls formed two couples and they would sleep together separately. no actual bed for you tonight! you really liked them though, so you couldn’t complain.

you knocked on the door to your own room and marlene opened it, cheeks flushed, and you could see dorcas on your bed, doing something on her phone.

“hi, lene” you decided to call her that because sirius called her that, it was cute. “sorry for bothering you both, i just wanted to get my pillow, my blanket and change real quick”

“oh sure, come in” she opened the door and you went straight for the drawer under the bed, grabbing a light green heavy one, you usually used that on winter but it was a cold night and you didn’t really want to bother them by taking your usual one from off the bed.

you never changed clothes so fast, tossing them in the laundry bin along with a shit ton of james’ shirts that were on his side of the sink.

“thank you, have a nice night”

you sighed while going to the living room, to find james sitting on the armchair, shirtless and wearing sweatpants, drinking a beer and watching that 70s show (again). you decided to ignore how good he looked and just get some rest because you really didn’t want go think about james in that moment, or ever as a matter of fact.

you lay down on the couch and throw the blanket over your head.

“you know what bums me out about this show?” james says abruptly, like you would really like to know. you grunt, waiting for his answer. “they really didn’t know when to stop it, its only good until what? season-“

“james, im really tired, i just wanna get some rest, please” you get out from under the covers to say that, so he ignores it fully.

“how did apartment hunting go?” he asks, pausing the episode and asking alexa to turn on some playlist with songs a sad dad would listen to.

“shitty, theres not one good place up for rent in this city, its actually sick”

“yeah, thats tough” he pauses for a brief moment “come here” he said, patting his knee. was he asking you to sit on his lap? was he going fucking crazy?

“i’m sorry, what?” you were so confused, since when was he like that to you?

“get up, sit here with me a little.” were you dreaming? was this one of those weird wet dreams you had in high school?

“james, i’m really tired, my back hurts and i really want to lay-“

“i’ll give you a massage, it’s whatever” he answered, a sad puppy look on his face.

you gave in. you walked over to him and sat on the arm of the chair, but he pulled you onto his lap.

“i need to be close to you, if i’m not it’s really awkward and uncomfortable.” some song you didn’t know was playing.

it was slow and sounded old, you didn’t recognize it.

“james come on, im really tired.” you say, smiling though, you didn’t know why he was doing this. he must’ve had an awfully good day.

“just for a bit.” why were his hands on your waist? why were you nervous. you nodded, you felt that if you opened your mouth to speak, nothing would come out.

you could feel his breathing on your neck, his hands roaming your waist as he lead them up to your shoulders.

his hands were on the low of your back, under your shirt. that was certainly new, and that was really not a massage, but you weren’t complaining.

you looked back at him, wide eyed, what was he doing?

once you turned your face to look at him, you couldn’t look away anymore.

maybe it was how nice he looked in the paused lighting of the tv, maybe it was how warm he felt, when the weather was so chilly recently, whatever it was, it hooked you.

he was looking straight into your eyes and you felt so open to him, it was weird to see him like this.

you felt like you were back in school being head over heels for your brother's best friend.

you heard keys jingling outside, so you stepped away, leaving him sat by himself wondering what he did wrong. sirius opened the door abruptly, scaring james, who looked at him confused.

“sorry, mate, the door was … hey! is that my instrumental playlist?” james turned a bit pink.

“yeah, I was just...” he looked at you. “forget it.” he turned it off. you were pretending to be unbothered, looking at something on your phone.

you couldn’t quite wrap your mind around what had just happened.

you unfolded the sofa into a bed, getting comfortable on the right side, but then you felt his eyes back on you as sirius went into his own room.

“oh, sorry. do you want the couch? i can sleep on the chair, i don’t really-“

“we can share. don’t worry about it.” you nod at his comment. what had gotten into him? he turned off the lights, leaving the tv on. you were trying to calm down, sleeping in the same place as him, being nervous about it was so silly, but, still, you could feel your heartbeat.

“you wanna pick something?” he interrupted your thoughts, you didn’t want to watch anything. you wanted it to be over as soon as possible.

“no, you can just go back to your thing, i don’t mind it.” you answered. he laid down by your side.

fuck.

you were going to share the damn blanket.

he unpaused the tv, putting the remote on the right arm of the couch, that was your side. his arm went over you, he wrapped his arm around your waist once he went back to his side, though half of it was empty.

was he trying to spoon you? you could feel yourself getting nervous, your body starting to feel hot.

you (stupidly) decided to test his actual intentions with that, turning to your side to see if he’d pull you in, he quickly did.

you could have died right there.

he had never even hugged you before, was he really horny or something? and so you felt it.

‘oh my god.’ you thought to yourself repeatedly.

you felt his hand on your waist, pulling you closer to him, which was basically impossible with your ass already glued to his crotch.

you ended up sleeping like that, waking up in the morning to the ‘are you still watching?’ screen.

the day was fine, and you found out you and James had a lot in common, you ended up talking the entire evening, he spent the whole party next to you.

you slept in separate rooms at night, but you still spent a while with him in his room talking about all sorts of things. you never imagined how you and james could be alike. you never imagined how he could be so sweet, funny and nice.

after the fall holidays you and james became closer and closer, when labor day came up you realized how much you liked him and when thanksgiving came around, you realized how you might actually be falling for him.

he didn’t help with that at all. he was always touching you, you even ended up cuddling when you would watch some awful movie in his room.

you never really got if he liked you as a friend or he wanted something more, until christmas.

you carefully placed your gifts under the tree on christmas eve, so in the morning when you saw a little box with your name on it, you were incredibly excited.

everyone was sat on the living room floor, opening gifts. in the little box was an envelope and it was from all of the guys. there was something written in the paper inside but you didn’t want to read it at the moment.

“thanks” you smiled, but you didn’t quite know what it meant.

“we all talked and we want you to put your name on the lease.” sirius said quickly, looking at you anxiously.

“like, actually?” you ask, starting to feel extremely happy because you loved living with them.

“yeah” remus answered, smiling.

“thanks, i really appreciate it.” you couldn’t stop smiling, it felt great to know they wanted you there. james, who was sitting next to you, gave you a one arm hug and a kiss on the forehead.

“so you’re gonna let me pay rent now?” you ask to your brother, smiling.

“i guess so.” he replied. you knew he was happy too. “gonna get you an actual gift though”

they were planning a big christmas party, they invited some people from work, the girls and some other people you didn’t really know, so you were expecting to spend the night with james. you went all out, put on your favorite red dress which was short but still fancy for the event.

once you were ready, half of the party was already there, including all of james’ coworkers and friends. you sat next to him on the couch, they were all there all talking about something from his work you didn’t really understand.

they were all dressed up too, but what shocked you the most was that james was wearing a suit, sure, his necktie was already loose and the buttons on his shirt too, but he looked amazing.

“can i stay with you for the rest of the night? i don’t really know anyone here.” you whispered into his ear, nervous about the answer.

“sure” he nodded. “hey, henry” he called for his coworker that was sitting on the arm of ouch.

“yeah?” the guy answered.

“this is y/n, the friend i was telling you about the other day.” james gestures to you. you can’t help but smile awkwardly and wonder what he said about you.

“oh, hi! pleasure to meet you.” he got up from his chair and shook your hand, smiling at james and nodding. what did that mean?

“pleasure to meet you too.” you smile at him.

“i’m just gonna get some drinks, i’ll ill be right back. do you want something?” james asked you.

“just a soda.” he gets up and heads to the kitchen.

“so, tell me, how are your brownies?” henry jokes, you look at him confused.

“good, i guess, but thats a biased opinion.” you answer, curious on how he knew about your brownies.

“you know, james talks about you all the time.” he comments, you were sure he already had a few drinks.

“really? what does he say?”

“when you first moved in he hated you, you know? he always said it was fun to make you mad and all. but since october he’s been so nice when he talks about you, i personally think he fancies you, but i wouldn’t know. i don’t think he’d tell me if he did, specially because you’re his friends sister and all.” he was rambling but you really enjoyed the part he said about james seeing you as more than a friend, you enjoyed it so much you didn’t even pay attention to what he said after that.

“i doubt it, we just turned into good friends, that’s all.”

“nah, i think he wants to make you into something else.” henry might’ve just made your entire night with that phrase. you couldn’t hide your smile anymore.

“here’s your soda, a beer for you, henry” james handed the drinks and took a sip of his coke. you sat next to him, holding your soda in both of your hands, looking down at it nervously. “did something happen?” he asked you.

“no, just thinking ‘bout something” you answer, looking into his eyes now. he smiles, wrapping his arm around your waist. that makes you so flustered, you feel your entire body getting warmer and that’s just the start of it.

for the rest of the night, he stayed by your side. his hand resting on your waist, thigh, around your shoulders, wherever he wanted them. you could feel your heart beating in your chest for most of the time. he had never done that before, not in public and surely not like that, not in a sexual manner, at least that’s how you identified it, because one thing was a friendly touch, the other was what he was doing.

he made you feel needy, aching for more - he was making you want him.

did he notice? did he ever even perceive how he made you feel? how could he not?

goosebumps covered you once he grazed your thigh for the first time out of five, the fifth was when he finally let his hand stay put there.

it made you feel crazy, it really did.

you didn’t know if he meant it as you took it, but you really hoped he did.

the party was still going around 1am, james had disappeared and you were left sitting on the couch, waiting for him to come back.

you couldn’t stop thinking about him and it made you feel kind of silly. you were a bit disappointed that nothing happened but you sort of expected it. you knew nothing would actually occur, but still, it made you a bit sad. maybe the touch lead you on, but it-

you looked at your phone once it vibrated and you felt the absolute need to scream because of how excited the text made you, but you didn’t.

‘James: come to my room once you read this, please.’

you didn’t think much of it, though you would’ve come if he just asked you to like he normally did.

you finished your drink and knocked on his door. he opened it but didn’t look at you, his eyes were focused on your knees, he looked nervous.he was still wearing his pants and the dress shirt, except it was unbuttoned. shit.

“y/n?” he was looking at you now.

fuck.

“yeah?”

“you look really good tonight.”

“i clean up nice sometimes.” you smile.

“oh please, you always look good” he turned a bit pink once he said it. “and thats a really nice dress” his voice was low when he said it, was he actually hitting on you?

“thank you” you whispered, you couldn’t help but feel anxious as his body got closer to yours.

“you know, i’ve been thinking about something for a while now” he says. you could feel your stomach start to twist and turn because you were so anxious on what he was doing next. you hummed, making sure he would continue what he was saying, but he didn’t.

he just kissed you like it was the easiest thing in the world. he pulled you into his room and closed the door, locking it quickly.

the feeling of his lips on yours was something you craved for a while now, you needed it so much you started to wonder if it was normal for you to need something this much.

you couldn’t stop once it started. his hands were on your hips and you tugged onto his hair desperately.

kissing him is redefining the whole concept of kissing to you, and probably ruining every other sexual experience you could have for the rest of your life.

he pushed you into the door, his hands now on your ass.

“shit” he let out quickly as he stopped kissing you so roughly and started giving you quick pecks. “you have no idea how long i wanted to do this.” you hummed. “you’re so fucking hot, it makes me crazy.” the praise was making your stomach twist again, a wet spot being formed between your legs.

he carried you with your legs around his body and took you to his bed. the same bed you have used to lay down to watch movies, to just gossip or discuss things, to do whatever.

he sat down and kept you on his lap, straddling him, but you needed more. as he kissed you roughly and messily you would casually rock your hips, causing friction. after you did that a few times he laid you down on the bed, telling you to stop being such a tease, he got on top of you, supporting himself with his knees, one of them between your legs, causing friction and making you more aroused.

when he started playing with the strings that held the dress together, you knew you were done for, so you let him undo the bow, kissing your neck. he was messy, sometimes he would bite and it would send bolts of electricity down your spine.

“james…” you let out as he bit you again.

“tell me” he said, trailing his kisses down to your clavicle. “can i take this off too?” he asked, playing with your bra. you nodded but he didn’t move an inch.

“i need to hear you say it. can i take this off?” he was such a fucking tease, it made you go crazy. he loved to hear your voice, he knew you wanted him to take it off, he just liked to hear you say it.

“yes, please” you struggled to hold in a moan once he started sucking on your neck.

“thank you” he answered, looking back to the hickey he gave you. “hmm, that’s gonna leave a mark, sorry baby” baby? he had never called you that, you hummed as he took off his collared shirt and then proceeded to take off your bra . he groaned at the sight of you, which drove you mad. his growing bulge was exposed.

he was big.

you immediately regretted every single time you had made a small dick joke (sure, there were only 2 times but they did happen).

he was on his knees, towering over you.

“you’re so pretty”, he leaned down to kiss you again, this time more eager than ever. his right hand cupped your jaw as his left one roamed your body, making you ache for more and more. “i really wanna touch you” he whispered and went back to kissing you, his left hand now between your thighs, waiting for permission to move.

“please” you whisper, stopping the kiss briefly. he kept on kissing you as he stimulated you through the fabric of your underwear, but that didn't happen for long, especially because of how wet it was, he needed to touch you, he couldn't help himself. the dress was so hiked up it looked like a shirt, but instead of helping you take it off, he pulled it down a bit, so he had access to your chest. he immediately started kissing around your left tit, making you go absolutely insane. and that combined with the sudden touch to your clit? yeah, you were getting fucked up that night.

he was better than anyone had ever been to you. sucking in your nipple and fingering you slowly, he was making you go crazy, needing him more.

he stopped sucking on your nipple and went back to your neck, his hand not stopping at all. the right one went to cover your mouth as you moaned.

“be quiet, hm? want everyone to listen? don’t wanna stuff that pretty mouth of yours too” his non dominant hand went to your neck, choking you lightly as his other one fucked into you. you were so close to cumming, with his thumb stimulating your clit as his other fingers went in and out of you, he knew that you were close, specially with the way your pussy was tightening around him. “so fucking tight, aren’t you? can’t imagine how you’re gonna feel around my cock” he stopped and took his fingers out, making you whine, missing the feeling of him.

“jameees” you moan, finding the courage in you to pull him in, giving him a kiss.

“take it off”

“what?” you’re confused.

“the dress, i really wanna fuck you in it but i don’t wanna ruin it.” he lets out. “take it off” he sounded like he was ordering you, and you loved it so much, you wanted to give something back to him.

“i will, but can i suck you off first?” you ask, looking at him doe eyed, and how could he say no?

“you really want to?” he asks, furrowed brows, you nod, quickly getting on your knees as he unbuckles his belt, throwing it on the carpet. he got up and pulled his pants down, staying just in his boxers, he climbed back into bed with you, kissing you sweetly.

you were on your knees in front of him, pulling his cock out of his underwear, stroking it lightly then kissing the tip. you take him in your mouth, using your hands to stroke what couldn’t fit, which, frankly, was about a bigger portion of it. he was the biggest you ever had.

“fuck” he groaned at the movements you were making, using his left hand to get strands of hair out of your face, as his right one supported him on the bed. he was trying not to thrust into your mouth but you were making it so hard. “your mouth was made for me, baby” he whispered, looking into your eyes. his free hand went to your neck, choking you just a bit, as your head bobbed up and down, taking as much as possible.

“so good, your mouth feels so goddamn good honey” he groaned as he finished the sentence and you used your non dominant hand to cup his balls. he was moaning a bit and it was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen or heard, though you were sure you would see hotter things that same night. he started thrusting lightly, he couldn’t help himself, specially with how good your mouth made him feel.

“stop” he ordered you, and so you did, a pop sound being made as you stopped sucking and looked up at him.

“did i do something wrong?” you ask, brows furrowed. his hand hasn’t left your neck, and so he pulls you in by it. his tongue went straight in your mouth, he needed to taste him on your lips.

“i wanna fuck you” he said, looking into your eyes, waiting for any kind of response.

“yes. please do” you quickly say, kissing him quickly.

“the dress” he remembers and you quickly take it off, not stopping the staring for a second.

“want you down on all fours” he says, getting on his knees. you do as he commands, getting in an arch position as he’s on his knees behind you. he can see that you still haven’t taken off your underwear, he bites on your ass cheek and then pulls it down with his teeth.

“you don’t mind if i keep this, don’t you?” he asks, helping you take it off fully. “it’s already ruined”

“it’s yours” you look back at him, he’s smirking like the devil. he throws your underwear into his bedside drawer.

“gotta keep it safe” he whispers. you can feel his bulge through his boxers as he leans in to kiss your neck, you whine, needing him more.

“patience, i’m gonna give it to you, sweetheart” his right hand gave your ass a smack. “up” he said, signaling for you to arch your back even more. as you do so, he groans, pressing his covered member against your wet cunt.

“you’re so pretty like this, all for me?” he asked, using his hand to play with your clit.

“y-yes, all yours” you said, trying not to whine mid sentence.

“good girl. mine” he gave your shoulder a quick peck. “gonna put it in now, okay? tell me if you wanna stop” he took his dick from out of his boxers and pumped it a few times. you could’ve fainted once you felt his tip lined up to your entrance.

he went in slowly, he was way to big for you. every time you thought he was done, there would still be more of him left.

“jaaames” you would whine

“just a bit left; don’t worry, princess” once he was fully inside of you, you felt amazing, like you were in heaven. “you’re so fucking tight, ‘feels so good” he said, trying to to groan, his voice was raspy.

if took a few thrusts for you to get used to his size, but as soon as he picked up a pace, you were a mess. you couldn’t hold in your sounds, the way he was stimulating your clit was absolutely killing you.

“be fucking quiet” he demanded with a groan, “you want everyone to know who you belong to, huh?” he didn’t stop, he just went quicker as a matter of fact.

“fuck!” you squealed as he pinched your clit, his thrusts began to be more rough, you couldn’t even focus. you’re eyes kept rolling back, your mind was fully blank and the only thing that was coming out of your mouth in that moment was a mixture of james, fuck, shit and a few other curse words.

you were in ecstasy.

“you like this, don’t you?” he was grunting lowly in between every few thrusts. you were so close, you felt your high coming to you, the way he was fucking you was not helping with you trying to hold it.

“james ohmygod james, im gonna cum” you say, trying not to stumble over your words.

“ask nicely and i’ll let you” he said, stopping the stimulation on your clit and thrusting harder. he was close too, the way your tight pussy would clench around him was making him go insane.

“please let me cum, james. need it so bad” you blurted out in between whining and moaning. he grins and goes back to stimulating you.

“good girl, do it” he went faster and didn’t stop playing with your clit. your eyes rolled back and you let it go.

your walls clench tight around him, he didn’t stop as you made a mess all over his dick.

as you finished, his thrusts only got harder, you were feeling so overstimulated and you felt like he was close too.

“fuck, sweetheart. gonna cum inside you, that’s alright?” you moaned in answer.

his hips stuttered and you felt his cock twitch spilled inside of you, his juices mixing with yours.

he made sure he got rid of every single drop.

your legs were shaking as he pulled out and tucked himself back into his underwear, you collapsed on the bed and he laid down next to you.

“wanna go back to the party?” he jokes, looking into your eyes.

“shut up” you reply, looking at the ceiling of his room.

“gonna clean you up, okay?” james assured you as he threw you a shirt of his that was under the bed. you put it on but pulled him closer to you.

“okay, but just stay with me for a while if that’s alright.” you asked.

“always” he pressed a kiss onto your forehead and you knew that this was not going to be a one time thing.

[paper-mario-wiki]

Hey I know your clown days are behind you and everything, but I'm still curious if you've got any opinions on The Amazing Digital Circus?

same thing everyone else does i suppose, that its fun and well made.

to be additive to the discussion instead of just saying positive stuff you've already heard, i'll levy a little critique against it, bearing in mind that i do so with positive, constructive intent.

i feel as though in recent times we've been oversaturated with stories and media with too grand a focus on the characters instead of interesting concepts. i think that the character design in the amazing digital circus is colorful and neat, but in the past 3 years how many "it's cutesy looking, but it's actually about existential terror and the cute characters go through trauma, oh no!" gimmicks have you seen in stories? personally ive seen quite a few.

i feel as though creatives are pushed too much to make a marketable face first and foremost, because lingering eyes are in high demand for artwork online these days. if someone is going to move on quick, which is going to be the case with the majority of people, it's much more likely that someone will find it easier to remember a cool design for a character instead of an entire unique sequence of events. that means story-driven things are either made to be more shallow to give more space for character moments, or have a much smaller chance for having their work succeed.

i do not think this is indicative of some mass decline in creative originality, or even the fault of the creatives who make the work. like i said, i thought it was a lot of fun and gave it a small positive review on twitter a few days ago. Gooseworx, as well as the rest of the team who made it, clearly cared for this project. what im talking about is a symptom of the larger issue that is the black-box algorithms that have desolated social networks, and create bad media consumption habits in people. though i wont lie to you and say i havent grown to resent the symptom too.

so to answer your question more succinctly, i dont really think of it that much at all. ive seen this one already.

[artsekey]

I really hate how ads have taken over the internet. On one hand, I know that hosting a website costs money, right? And ad revenue is one of the simplest ways for free-to-use websites to cover their operating costs.

My question is-- and I would genuinely love an answer-- is this ever going to stop? Tumblr ran for a long time without ads. So did Youtube. I know that the cost of hosting so much media has gone up, but there are a lot of users on these websites that make the content that drives people to use the service that don't see any of the money generated by this revenue. On Youtube, there's at least a way for creators to make some money from what they do. For most, it isn't much, but the opportunity is there. On Tumblr, well... the ability to convert the visibility of my blog into any financial gain practically nonexistent, though they did at one point promise that users would be able to make money from ads run on their blogs (whatever happened to that, Staff?).

"You can pay to avoid seeing ads!" Tumblr says, as if the views on my main blog alone over the past few years have not generated more than enough ad revenue to cover the price they're asking me to pay, the person who is actively making content that brings eyes to their ads.

I'm not mad at Tumblr for hosting ads. I get that it has to happen because it's the easiest way to keep the site free, and honestly, I imagine Tumblr's staunch opposition to monetization has been a real obstacle for the team building Tumblr. But at the same time, it feels like yet another small concession in the usability of the site. I'm tired of ads that auto-play with blaring audio while I'm scrolling. I'm tired of adds that, if I touch them while trying to scroll past them, take me to an external site. Outside of tumblr, I'm tired of looking for information online only to get a webpage that's 95% ads and otherwise illegible. Hell, I recently got an ad on Discord. Was it unobtrusive? Maybe. But it was there, for the first time, and I know that won't be the end.

I know the first reply I'm going to get on this is "use adblock", and yes, that's a solution, but think about how much the landscape for media has changed in just ten years.

Popular forums are basically gone outside of reddit.

Youtube, without Red, is ad hell. You can't watch more than 3-4 minutes of video without getting sent to marketing hell.

Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter-- it's terrible. I firmly believe they've manufactured a worse experience through the implementation of ads to convince you to buy into their premium services.

Just Check out this video of Penguinz0 trying to watch a video on a third-party site.

There's discussion of putting ads into video games.

Remember when games didn't include micro-transactions? Blizzard is charging $70 for one mythic skin. You could almost buy Overwatch 1 twice-over at that price-point.

Influencers make a living by making their lives into advertisements.

Youtube has retaliated against users using ad-block on non-chrome browsers by artificially inflating the load times of it's videos.

What can we do about this? I imagine companies see it as an infinite money hack; users can't stop companies from hosting ads, and the action they could take to voice their displeasure-- leaving the site, using other competitive services-- has been all but obliterated thanks to the homogeneity of popular social media outlets. If someone is truly so incensed about ads, well-- it isn't like they have to engage with them, right? They can enroll in a cheap, auto-renewing service to get rid of ads entirely. Well, wait, the price of premium might just have to go up. Don't worry, it's auto-renewing! You won't even notice it. Oh, no, it's got to go up again, you won't even notice it.

There's no incentive for them to cap this behavior, and no way for us as users to pressure them to do so. We create these spaces; we fill them with color, art, activism, community, and the companies that ride on the tailcoat of the spaces we create tell us to give them more. What comes next?

[capricornsicle]

I've kind of been getting back into teen wolf recently and I've been noticing more than I used to just how anti Scott a bunch of people are. like, why?! what did he ever do to you?! people will include every other character including fucking Peter and they'll still exclude Scott or hate on him for no reason. idk it's just crazy to me

what did he ever do to you?!

Main character, own show, not white.

Long answer:

I've also taken a break from Teen Wolf fandom (and Tumblr) for a while, and it's really cemented in my mind just how much of Scott hate and Scott dislike and how much of the obsession with other characters instead by way of stripping them of their canon personalities and actions and confidently stating that they are actually the Scott McCall of the story in every way is just repackaged racism.

Honeslty, I got into Teen Wolf after reading some Sterek fic I was recommended. For someone with no knowledge of the show past maybe a couple episodes I'd seen years ago, I thought it was pretty good. Then I started watching the show and started being active on Tumblr, and despite being brown myself and being fairly used to fandom racism already, I saw so much about how Scott was naïve and dumb that I started believing it. The vast majority of the fandom space being dominated by Sterek content which already often relies on dropping Scott from main character to at best a supporting character and at worst an antagonist to a romance and by content that did include Scott painting him as an idiot, coupled with not having finished the show yet and not getting to see just how much Scott grows up and some of his best moments where you realize how smart and strong he is, had me putting some embarrassingly wrong takes out there on the internet.

I have since changed my tune. 2 consecutive years of anonymous (purely on a technicality, because we all know who it is) hate mail specifically orchestrated to alienate me from fans who do like Scott (primarily by outright lying about users like @princeescaluswords, @liliaeth, and @spikeface, if you remember that series of asks I apologize for my lack of critical reasoning skills at the time) and to brute force argue in the worst faith possible until I accepted their outlandish statements as logical bases for a debate will do that to a person. Also, I finished the show. I'm curious how many people active in fandom have never actually seen past season 3b or season 4, since so much of Scott hate is centered around the events of season 5 and so many people say egregiously wrong things about those events as fact to prove that Scott is a bad friend or a bad leader or what have you.

This fandom is an interesting place. The entire environment is so steeped in anti-Scott sentiment that was created by, like, 5 specific people who are for some reason treated as logical and reasonable actors and respected in fandom, and in deeply delusional fanon that has become a fandom unto itself in the years it's had to brew. Sterek remains popular because it's an easy story to like for a lot of people who spend a lot of time online and in fandom spaces: a (white) guy who's kind of a loser, feels physically and socially powerless, but is creative and snarky and uses the powers of sarcasm and quirkiness to draw the attention of a more powerful, more experienced, more confident, rock-hard-abs (white) man who's hopelessly enamored despite being entirely unattainable in real life. So the Sterek fandom remains active, and inhabits the husk of the thing that used to be the Teen Wolf fandom before the Teen Wolf fans got tired of being pushed out of their own space and went on to other fandoms that are better house-trained. Or a few of us still linger and stubbornly remain in the fandom of things we like, even though a lot of great TV shows and movies and books and games have godawful and deeply toxic and racist fandom spaces.

Racism in the Teen Wolf fandom is like learning what the Wilhelm Scream is. Once you can recognize it you suddenly realize it's everywhere. The fandom relies on passing around the same deeply racist interpretations of events and is fueled by the same hate to keep itself alive. Sterek becomes less interesting when you're not fighting fans of the actual show to prove it exists, or fighting the main character who's in the way of the interpretation of Stiles as the mother of the ensemble cast because he's obviously so much smarter and wiser than them and Derek as the primary love interest and the authoritarian but loving father. Realistically Scott would probably be surprised if Stiles and Derek started dating, but he'd be supportive of his friends. He wasn't happy with Allison dating Isaac, but he was supportive of their relationship because it was making people he cared about happy. There's no version of events where he wouldn't be completely supportive of his best friend being in a relationship with someone who he's come to see as part of his family. Especially when that someone is a person who he's helped to become a better one and right the wrongs he's done, even against Scott himself.

Scott is a bastion of kindness and forgiveness and a prime example of how treating people like they're people, even when they're bad people, is the distinction between a person and a monster. But that's not as inspiring for people who see themselves as Stiles and find Derek attractive as seeing him as an obstacle, especially when the fandom is an echo chamber of Scott's apparent wrongdoings against them and their relationship that are all just words to cover up a vicious jealousy that Scott is the main character because the path to being the better person isn't proving you're better than everyone else, it's by knowing that you are just as human as everyone else and recognizing that treating people like they are capable of being good is a wildly successful method of bettering them. But that's hard, and nihilism and snark are easy.

Scott hate is just racism. I've been wrong before, in fact most things I've learned have come from being wrong about them first, and I'd be delighted to be wrong about this, but it's been a long wait to find the Teen Wolf fan who hates Scott for a reason that is true and unrelated to him not being white. Fortunately being racist isn't an incurable disease. It's something that can be unlearned and something that people can practice recognizing and walking away from. Maybe part of me coming back to this blog and this fandom after a relaxing hiatus is my continued belief, especially in the face of recent world events, that people can change. In my years of being in this fandom, I've seen a lot of bullshit, a lot of racism, a lot of racist bullshit, and some of the most purposefully bigoted people I've ever encountered. They know who they are. But I've also seen enough people change their minds about Scott and breathe fresh life into the very small Teen Wolf part of the Teen Wolf fandom that sometimes it's a pretty fun place to be in. Racism can be unlearned. On a fandom level and on a much larger scale.

And I really like Scott. I think deliberately choosing kindness when you're surrounded by violence and compliance is admirable, and I think popular culture could use more role models like that. The fact that he looks like me when still in 2025 so few of the heroes do is an added bonus.

[the-offside-rule]

Jude Bellingham (Real Madrid) - Moving

Requested: yes

Prompt: Moving in with Jude Bellingham (this came at a good time cuz my fyp is FULL of Jude)

Warnings: cutesy shtuff

"Jesus, whys there so much books?" Jude asked as he unpacked a third black box filled to the brim with various schoolbooks. "University. I don't think I need to explain further." Y/n replied as she stacked the books onto the newly constructed shelf. "Yeah, but why so many? I thought everything was online nowadays."

Jude couldn't hide his excitement as he helped Y/n move into their new place in Madrid. The air was filled with a mix of anticipation and laughter, creating an atmosphere of warmth and joy. Jude grinned as he lifted another box, "You sure you want all these books in our room, babe?" Y/n chuckled and took a few, placing them on the Shelf above their bed. "Absolutely! They're part of the charm. Plus, they'll have a good view from the shelf." AsAs they unpacked, memories unfolded. Y/n held up an old photo, "Look at us here! Can't believe it's been that long." Y/n stumbled upon another photo of them in the Camp Nou. Their first holiday as a couple. "Remember that trip to Barcelona? Our first adventure together." It was....ironic how he ended up going to the rival team but that was a funny story to tell in the future. She grinned, handing it to her boyfriend. Jude chuckled. "Yeah, and now we're making a new chapter right here in Madrid. Who would've thought?"

They set up a cozy reading nook, and Y/n teased. "Imagine the adventures we'll have in this little corner." She winked. "Behave. I won't bother you when you're there. I'll wait until you get out." Jude said, undoing another box. "We both know you're impatient." She smiled. "You're awfully rude, you know." He muttered. "You love me really Jude."

Amidst the unpacking chaos, they found a quirky souvenir from a past vacation. Y/n held up a miniature flamenco dancer. "We got this in Barcelona too, didn't we? Jesus, I nearly forgot all of these." She turned to see Jude holding a cinema ticket and a receipt. "What's this?" He asked. "Remember our first date to the cinema? I kept the ticket." Jude nodded. "Ah yeah. How could I forget? I spilled popcorn and pretended it was intentional, just to hold your hand." Jude chuckled. "You were quite the romantic back then." Jude held her closely and smiled down to her, just centimeters from her face. "I still am, especially when it comes to you."

"You still know how to make me blush." Jude chuckled. "You'd swear we were married for like 50 years with how you're going on." Jude laughed. "Oh but I love these little tokens. It reminds me of how we got here." She said, holding the ticket in her own hand now. "Our own little museum of love." He joked. "Oh shut up." They shared a playful laugh, turning mundane tasks into moments they'd remember forever.

In between assembling furniture, Y/n looked at Jude with a mischievous grin. "Remember when we tried to build that IKEA shelf? It took us hours!" Jude shook his head. "I still blame the instructions. They're like a secret code only IKEA employees understand." Jude said trying to connect the leg to the new desk. "Or the Swedish." They both burst into laughter, turning the furniture assembly into a lighthearted competition.

While setting up Y/n's study space, Jude couldn't help but express his pride. "You're going to nail uni, Y/n. I'll be right here cheering you on." Y/n playfully tapped his nose. "We cam be eachother's cheerleaders. Go team us!" She smiled. "But I haven't exactly been the best cheerleader, have I?" Jude said. "It's understandable." Y/n replied. "I don't think it is. It would have been understandable for you to not come to my games and support me but you still did. But it's my turn now and I promise I'm going to cheer you on louder than anyone else." Y/n reached out her hand and he took it, interlocking their fingers and kissing them. "I am so happy you're finally here." He whispered.

They shared a sweet moment, realizing that every challenge they faced only brought them closer together. "Come on, last box." Y/n said, handing the heavy box to Jude. He obviously underestimated how heavy it was because he nearly dropped it. "Don't you deadlift at training?" Y/n teased. "Come here you!" She giggled as she ran from Jude around the house, further delaying them actually finishing up the moving process.

As the day unfolded and the furniture set up, the items and memorabilia all set in their place, the couple sat by the pool with the fireplace ablaze, sipping on coffee, and enjoying the peace and quiet of eachother's company. "This is home now, isn't it?" Y/n said, leaning into Jude. He nodded. "Our safe haven. Here's to new beginnings, love." They clinked their coffee mugs, sealing the promise of countless more memories Madrid, in what would now be known as their home.

The day ended with laughter echoing through the halls, love lingering in the air, and the anticipation of countless tomorrows in a city that now held not just their dreams but their shared adventures and cherished moments.

[cocoatonedcurls]

become an academic weapon 📚🔫✨

hi all !!

with my GCSEs this year, and only a few weeks before back to school, I decided to really lock in yesterday 🫣

so I thought I'd take all the info I've come across while scrolling through studytok and put it into a little post for everyone looking to improve in their studies (& for my benefit as well 🙈)

motivation

this is probably the biggest factor when it comes to locking into your studies, motivation can quite literally make or break your academic achievements (😦)

so, its very important you motivate yourself, and moreover, stay motivated 😭

i've made it sound daunting but motivating yourself is lowkey easier than you think, here's a few ways to do it:

picturing yourself in 10 years, where all your studying and hard work has paid off - you can't be that person without doing the work that they did 😬

you can also do the opposite of the above - imagine how disappointed you'll be if you didn't work as hard as you could have and failed

"revenge studying" - the most toxic yet probably the most widely effective technique - working hard so you can beat than the people who are better than you

make studying aesthetic - create pinterest boards, look at quotes and tiktoks, make success your greatest desire

make it an addiction - if you're bored? study. had a bad day? nothing like setting yourself up for the best future. having a great day? go make it better by making yourself smarter.

get a motivational study app - i LOVE 'Study Bunny' I've been using it for two days now and it genuinely motivates me to be more productive to keep my bunny happy 🙃

resources

obviously, you need some help where you can get it despite all the controversies surrounding studying and the use of the internet, there are some amazing online resources you can use that will actively help you 📚

Quizlet/Anki - both of these flashcard platforms are incredibly useful - Quizlet is a fun platform and you can search for flashcards made by other people - Anki, in my opinion, is better than Quizlet for memorising, and you can import flashcards from Quizlet.

Mindnote - A mindmap making software online, a user-friendly interface + is quick and easy to make them - Great for visual learners

YouTube - the teachers on YouTube are incredibly helpful and can explain any topics you're confused about very quickly and very thoroughly

Spark Notes - great for English literature, with in-depth analysis of your texts and modern translations

Physics & Maths Tutor - free past papers and topic questions for core subjects and a few others, great for active recall

Study Bunny/Flora - helps keep track of your progress and keeps you motivated, I recommend Study Bunny because I can see how much work I've done of each subject and tick off things on my checklist

these are just a few out of many other resources so go do some of your own research, especially if there are websites that help with a specific subject

techniques

different study techniques work best for different people, no technique is a one-size-fits-all, some people are visual learners, others perform best by memorising & etc.

active recall - the only one-size-fits-all method - is a cognitive function that you carry out to remember things in tests, so practising this is a must -> the best way to do this is by completing topic questions and past papers using minimal amounts of notes. basically just testing yourself before the actual test

Spaced-out revision - one of the best ways to make sure things stick in your mind, revise a topic/subject and revisit it every few days, eg. 1, 3, 5, 9, 15, 30; and by the 30-day mark it should be stuck in your mind because your brain believes its something that you need to know in the long run and stores it in your long term memory

Flashcards - great to memorise content for the test, especially subjects that are tested with orals

Scribble method - scribbling on a piece of paper while revising the content in any form, reading, listening, etc. helps your brain store the information you're consuming more effectively

Feynman method - basically just explaining the topic you're revising to someone, this helps you develop your understanding and catches out any areas you're unsure about to revise later

making mindmaps - this is great for visual learners, especially if you use different colours for each section of the map so that you can associate each concept with each colour and recall them easily

again, those are just a few that come to mind. do your own research and find out what works best for you 😇

while studying

knowing how to study effectively is also a crucial aspect of success (obviously) 🤭

here are a few tips:

don't listen to music with lyrics, instead you can listen to lofi tracks, cafe/library asmr, brown noise, jazz music (my favourite)

set yourself a study slot, like 2 hours every day at a specific time & set a focus filter on your phone for the duration of your study time

make an aesthetic/cute study space so you can enjoy your time in that space and it doesn't feel like a chore

get a whiteboard to make learning more interactive & fun

light a specific candle whenever you're studying so your brain knows to associate the scent with working

have regular breaks eg. every half hour for 5-10 mins

reward yourself afterwards, so you associate studying with a good experience

consistency is key, the more you study the easier & more fun it becomes 🙃 the more you study the more you are likely to succeed and fulfil your dreams ✨

remember though, academics is not everyone's thing:

"you cannot judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree"

everyone is good at something, and it doesn't make anyone lesser or greater 🫶

if you try your best, that is all that matters 🫠

- li 🌘

[didalexiabreakupwitholgaisback]

I saw some discourse on Twitter about how some players who didn’t get minutes in the game were sulking / not having a good attitude during the celebrations and that it was disrespectful to the team because they should be celebrating regardless. Thoughts ?

okay, first and foremost, football is a team sport, it's not about any individual player. we win as a team and we lose as a team. but culers are being so nasty and dramatic online, as if keira and ingrid haven't been major parts of our champions league victories over the past few years. 🙄

yes, i agree that titles are team accomplishments and should be celebrated by the team collectively. regardless of whether they played 90 minutes or helped in training, it's all cumulative and to me, each player counts towards achieving these titles.

having said that, there's way too much complaining and overanalysis of body language going on in the fandom. ingrid and keira are not exactly mapi or kika levels of exuberance, even on a good day 😅 so to call them sulking or having a bad attitude is a stretch, in my opinion.

honestly, keira is and always has been a complete professional for barça. when it comes to lifting the trophy, we see the younger players goofing around with it and we forget the weight that it carries to do a trophy lift and that's something keira declined to do in the moment, which is understandable given that she didn't play all that much. remember when alexia was injured, she would often pass along cup lifting duties to the other captains, who played in the finals.

and ultimately, i look to the example of alexia, who all throughout last season, when she was being experimented in different positions at the beginning of the season until her supplemental knee surgery through to the finals at bilbao, always put the team first when it came to titles. but she also gave space to those who won the finals to exhibit their euphoria and not overshadow the celebration. 🙏

personally, i think fans are being super dramatic. i can probably count on one hand the number of times walsh and engen have been "euphoric" in their celebrations. the most i've ever seen ingrid celebrate was after the champions league final and even that was pretty tame. not everyone celebrates in the same way 😂

there are all too many culers who are ready to turn on any single player after any perceived "grievance." and let's not forget all the shit people said about alexia before her renovation last season and the analysis of her "sad" faces during those matches.

either way, the "long faces" did not diminish or cause any harm to the rest of the team as some of these commentators are claiming because there was plenty of euphoric celebrations yesterday. so no, people need to chill out and stop hating on players for any rhyme or reason! ��

pere is under immense pressure and finally got the first win under his belt. and he has to be reading all the criticism online and from other parties, so i don't blame him that he's so happy. 🥳

people are weirdly critical of pere for doing some of the exact same things that his predecessors did. but i think because it affects their favourite player this time around, then suddenly he's the devil. i don't see it as so black and white 🤷‍♀️

[the-badger-mole]

Worst Cooks in the Nation

It was strange having a school rivalry somehow spin out of control and become fodder for a reality competition series, but that is exactly where Katara and Zuko now found themselves. After culinary school, they had gone on to become big names-Katara with her globally popular online cooking show and Zuko with his first restaurant earning three stars in it's opening year. They were prepared to never see each other again after graduation, but someone-Katara suspected her friend and Probending promoter Toph, while Zuko smelled his uncle's interference- had gotten into the ear of the executive of the food and travel network who had approached Katara to syndicate her cooking show. She had somehow gotten word of the intense rivalry between Chefs Katara and Zuko- along with some video that neither of them had known existed- and it had given her a brilliant idea.

The woman talked fast, and neither Katara nor Zuko knew how, but by the end of the meeting, they had agreed to two seasons of Worst Cooks in the Nation. The regret set in immediately.

"So..." Katara said, as they walked through the parking lot towards her car.

"Yeah..." Zuko agreed. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Who even took those videos in the first place?"

"Probably Chan," Katara said scowling. "That guy would mind any business that wasn't his own."

"I remember," Zuko's face twisted into something like a grimace. "Still, who records an onion chopping contest?" Katara stopped walking and looked up at Zuko incredulously.

"Chan!" She rolled her eyes. Zuko gave a weak chuckle.

"I guess he's the one who filmed you dumping that salad dressing on my head," he said. "Or that time I let your stone lobsters loose."

"Yeah, why was that guy so obsessed with filming us?" Katara made a face. Zuko shuddered and shrugged. This was new, he mused. Just having a regular, if slightly awkward conversation with Katara.

It had been years-five of them to be exact- since they had seen each other face to face. The bitter rivalry they'd let simmer through 4 years of culinary school had at the end boiled over in a frothy mess. They hadn't spoken a word of the mess they'd made at the end. The small bit of awkwardness between them was a nice surprise, all things considered.

"We're going to keep this competition friendly, right?" Katara asked. She looked up at Zuko with her wide, earnest eyes, tugging at her lip with her teeth. Zuko drew his hands behind his back and clasped them together tightly.

"We're almost thirty," he said. "I think we're past food fights and insults...right?"

"Right!" Katara agreed with alacrity. They walked along in silence for a while, passing row after row of cars.

"What about... that other thing?" Katara asked. She didn't meet Zuko's eye this time. She kept her gaze firmly on the ground a few feet ahead of them.

"The...other thing?" Zuko was grateful for the dim lighting of the parking lot. He could feel the back of his neck heat up.

"You know...we never talked about it, but..." Katara glanced up at him from the corner of her eye. Zuko was glad that she was walking on his left. The scar on his face would make the spectacular blush on his face less noticeable at least.

"We rarely talked about anything," Zuko said with what he hoped was believable nonchalance. "It was shouting matches or silent treatment with us."

"Then why did you kiss me?" Katara asked. Zuko froze midstep. He swallowed once, twice. Three times before he could form words.

"If I recall, you kissed me first," Zuko said. Katara's head snapped up, all the shyness was gone. She scowled at him.

"No," she said. "You definitely kissed me. I remember you were all up in my space, and I was against the counter at my work station and then you leaned in and kissed me." Zuko remembered that almost the same way, only in his recollection, Katara had leaned up to close the space between them. Then his arms had gone around her waist and hers had wound around his neck.

"I remember you holding onto me," he said quietly. "And pulling me back in when I tried to pull away."

"Are you saying I forced you?" Katara demanded. Zuko smirked at that. He could see the flush on her dusky cheeks, and realized maybe the red on his own face wasn't as unnoticeable as he'd hoped.

"No," he said. "I don't remember kissing you first, but I remember wanting to." Katara's eyes went wide, and her blush got hotter.

"Oh," was all she said. Zuko took a breath, shut his eyes.

"It was a long time ago," he told her.

"Yeah," Katara looked down at the ground. "I-I guess it was. I'm not even sure why I brought it up. It's just...if we're going to be working together, we should be on the same page, right?"

"Right," Zuko agreed.

"So...we're doing this?" Katara asked. "Reality TV competitions can get ugly."

"I promise, we'll keep it clean," Zuko said. "No food fighting. No below the belt insults. No...doing anything unfair."

"Smack talking's still allowed?" A half smile tugged at Katara's mouth, and Zuko resisted the urge to catch it with his own. There would be no doubts who would be the initiator here.

"I insist on it," he said. "I can admit it now, but your smack talk is pretty funny. It'll make for good TV." Katara's half smile grew into a full blown grin.

"Alright," she said. "Let's give them a show."

Based on the Bot Plot AU I wrote in Part 1

[chalkrevelations]

There are things I say to my partner in the privacy of our living room when I’m blowing off steam that I would never in my life say to friends or other family members or bosses or work colleagues or fellow community members. I do this not because I’m two-faced but because I’m human. I get frustrated, but I’m also a grownup who realizes that my frustrations and fears in that moment are not the entirety of who I am. I have a right to express them, but I do not have the right to inflict them on the people who would be hurt by them. That’s why those conversations happen in private, in a safe space of trust, where my relationship allows me to show my partner parts of me that aren’t perfect and allows my partner to show me that I don’t have to be perfect in order to deserve to be cared about. I get support through my petty moments until I can be a better person.

This latest attack on Build is a horrifying violation of privacy and trust that leaves me feeling literally nauseated. I once again reiterate that I don’t trust third-hand amateur fan translation to be accurate and contextual, particularly given the provenance of the material, but Build himself is apparently distressed enough by at least some part of the material to make a public apology. So, that being out there, I will say: This was a private matter that should have stayed private, out of respect for everyone involved. Whatever was actually said is nobody’s business except Build’s and now, unfortunately, any named individuals who this was inflicted on and who may have been hurt by it. Which, rest assured, was the intention - to hurt not only Build with this, but also, particularly, Apo and Bible, both of whom Poi has shown her dislike of and ill-will toward in the past. I suspect some people also don’t know how abuse works, and it shows, given that what was purportedly said is a reflection of Poi’s own views back at her.

Whatever the context, I see that purity cancel culture still insists on freezing people in amber in their worst moments - without recognition of any capacity for change or growth - as long as it provides ammunition for a smug, gleeful Particicution. You’re stuck on some unkind things Build supposedly said more than a year ago? Let me tell you what I’ll remember for the rest of my life: The small, broken sound of Build’s voice just a few months ago as he tried to protect Bible and Bible’s career from a sociopath, in a telephone call that he felt he needed to secretly record as evidence of how he was being manipulated and abused.

Meanwhile, I see that swathes of KP fandom continue to be complicit in Poi’s campaign of public and dehumanizing abuse of him, which now includes not only borderline revenge porn, but separating him from his friends and isolating him. This is what abuse looks like. It’s happening in front of your eyes. Do you even care? Do you actually, legitimately care about abuse, or is it just a tool for you to use to win petty shipwars and make yourself feel righteous? Because here it is. Take a good look. This is a textbook play. And if you’re participating in reposting those screenshots of private conversations and mocking Build’s relationships and spreading vituperative language about him and acting like he deserves to have his life and career destroyed, you’re enabling an abuser. You are aiding and abetting her, as the very scenario she threatened him with - in order to maintain access to him, to keep him under control and compliant - continues to get spun out. YOU are a bully and a hypocrite and an abuser, helping to prove that the most dangerous time for an abuse victim is when they leave.

But I guess some victims do have to be perfect, huh?

.

(ETA: 7/18/23, 1520 - This post is being linked on Twitter by @cherryluminary with my permission. I'm not over there, but I increasingly feel like it's important to name what's happened, and continues to happen, to Build online as what it is - abuse. Similar to to my last post that breached containment, I'm going to ask people to remember that the behavior of Build's fans reflects on him - however fair that may or may not be - and should remain above reproach. I understand being angry - I'm angry, and at more people than I've discussed publicly, at this point. But if I find out you've been descending anywhere near the level of the ugly little sociopath in my inbox who openly admitted they want Build to kill himself, I'll block you.)

[penny00dreadful]

Somebody To Love - Part 3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 AO3

Looks like we're going the direction of two parts here = one chapter on AO3 so consider this your sneaky peek for chapter two! 😘

Eddie was not spiralling.

He was not.

He had not fallen into a complete self-destructive hole after his world was rocked by the sudden and out of nowhere realisation that Steve Harrington… Steve fucking Harrington, his employee, his best friend, his babysitter, his god-damn saving grace, his… his everything… was in love with him?

It hadn't...

It couldn't...

He refused to believe it.

So what if he had called the guy from the video shoot yesterday. 

So what if he had taken him back to his home and done exactly what he had planned to do to him last night, for hours.

It wasn’t like he was trying to prove anything to himself.

It wasn’t like all of these god-damn feelings, that had cropped up in the wake of that realisation, were fucking drowning him and he needed to do something about them. To make them go away, to fuck them out and all but destroy the body underneath him to make himself believe that all of this was just some crossed wires or misinterpretation or him seeing things where there wasn’t anything to be seen.

Because there couldn’t be anything.

There couldn’t be.

But Eddie was forced to recon with the fact that maybe he had been running again when he woke up the next morning and looked over to find that bruised and tender expanse of skin stretched across the back of that guy from the video shoot and fuck, he couldn’t even remember his name.

Eddie had made a rule for himself some years ago after a particularly harrowing experience to never ever sleep with someone who seemed just a little bit too eager to have him specifically again. 

And Jesus H. Christ had this guy been eager. 

It wasn’t unusual, people clamouring to get into his pants. But there was a difference in between them and the type that this guy was.

Something just a little unsettling in hindsight about how badly he wanted Eddie to mark him up. To put bruises and bite marks and handprints on him, like it was some kind of trophy to parade around. 

Look at me! Look at all these marks I got a rockstar to put into my skin!

Like, everything had been consensual on both ends, of course it had. No matter how deep Eddie would go, he would never lose himself like that. 

But it still left a bad taste in his mouth in the light of day. Like Eddie could’ve carved his name into the guys forehead and he would have said thank you. Like it would be something for him to post online or scream from the rooftops about like a badge of honour that never ended well.

Eddie slid out of his bed, being thankful not for the first time that the obscene amount of money he had now allowed him the space and budget to buy a bed big enough to fit at least four grown men easily.

And it had, a few times in the past. 

Shit.

Maybe he wasn’t as in control of everything as he’d always thought he was. Had he ever been? Had he ever had a proper handle on the amount of sex or drugs or alcohol he’d subjected his body and mind to?

Deep down he knew the answer to that. He’d known the answer to that for a very long time, he’d just never wanted to admit it to himself. 

Not before now.

He'd never had a handle on it.

Because Steve had had a handle on it for him. 

Steve had always been the one keeping him at a relatively safe level, ever since he’d come into his life all those years ago. Ever since the first time he’d had to stick his fingers down Eddie’s throat and ride with him to the hospital to get his stomach pumped. 

He’d never been allowed to get to that level again.

Jesus H. Christ Eddie was just one walking giant fucking red flag, wasn’t he? What the hell did Steve see in him?

He felt like he was walking downstairs with a cartoon cloud hanging over his head.

Eddie didn’t stop at the kitchen, just continuing on down to the basement, reaching out for his guitar like a lifeline. He curled up on the couch and picked out nonsense on the strings, letting whatever music came out of him compliment his sour mood.

Eddie didn’t know how long he stayed down there, but eventually his mood started to lift. Music was always a bit of a gift for him like that. It always managed to make him feel better.

It was only when he caught sight of a melting bright pink frappuccino sitting on the coffee table that he started to panic.

Because that meant that Steve was here. 

Of course Steve was here, Steve was always here, taking care of him and cleaning up his messes.

He realised then why he’d felt so comfortable leaving that guy alone in his house, alone in his bedroom while he hid underground like a worm.

Because he’d done it so many times before.

Because he’d always left it up to Steve to show the guys the door while Eddie fucked off to do whatever it was he decided he was doing that day, oftentimes exactly what he was doing now, brooding in his basement studio with his guitar.

He didn’t know what it was this time around but he couldn’t shake the feeling that if Steve came face to face with the guy upstairs it would be disastrous. Something would happen, something would go wrong.

Except he did know why it was different this time, of course he did. Because this time was the first time he was fully aware of Steve’s potential feelings for him and what it must do to him every time he had to go kick Eddie’s latest conquest out of the house.

He shot to his feet but only made it halfway up the stairs before the sound of the front door slamming shut echoed around the house and he froze in place.

Another creak came from up above and he shot back into action, running up the remaining steps like a bat out of hell and barrelling straight into the man himself.

“Jesus.” Steve had both of his hands on Eddie’s arms to steady him, he looked as put together as he always did but there was something about his posture that was off. He was a little too stiff, his eyes were slightly red and his face had a slight flush to it. 

He looked like he’d been crying.

Or trying desperately not to.

“What happened?” Eddie clutched back at the lapels of Steve's suit jacket in a panic and Steve himself looked momentarily bewildered at Eddie's desperation before he tried to brush it off.

“Sent the guy home,” he shrugged, “the usual.”

“Something happened, tell me.” Eddie couldn't explain it, he felt like something was slipping through his fingers and he was powerless to stop it.

Steve shook his head. “Nothing happened, Eds.”

“No, no. Something happened, Stevie. What was it? Did the guy say something to you or-”

Steve’s face shuttered, that infuriating blank mask was put back into place.

Eddie dug his fingers in. “What did he say?”

“It’s- he didn’t say anything.”

“No, Stevie, sweetheart, tell me please. Please.”

“Eddie.” Steve’s voice was firm and unwavering. He let go of Eddie’s arms and prised himself out of his grip. “Drop it, alright? It’s nothing for you to worry about. He’s left. It’s done.”

Opportunity gone, that was the only thing cycling through Eddie’s head at that moment. He’d missed something, let something pass him by but he didn’t know what.

Steve wouldn’t be argued with, when he didn’t want to talk about something the guy was a fortress and no amount of needling would get it out of him.

“Okay.” He almost whispered as Steve turned, walking further into the house without a backwards glance.

Eddie didn’t follow him, he couldn’t. If Steve wanted space to deal with whatever the fuck happened, he’d give him space. Though he did have half a mind to call up that guy and find out just what the fuck he had done to make Steve react like that.

Steve had never been outwardly riled up by anyone Eddie had slept with before, he'd always been polite smiles and gentle but firm demeanour unless whoever it was decided they could boss him around too.

Then the smile turned cutting and he became more firm than gentle but he never got upset.

Nearly the whole day had passed before he saw Steve again, hidden away somewhere in his giant house, which was very unusual for the both of them. When Eddie wasn’t touring or writing or doing whatever else he needed to do for work he and Steve were inseparable. They hung out constantly, Steve practically lived in Eddie’s biggest guest room during those times.

But when he did see Steve again, it was with a cold pit of dread settling in his stomach. Because Steve was dressed casual. Like he wasn't at work anymore. Like he was... like he was leaving.

“I think I need a vacation.” His tone was light, but forced. Like he was trying to convince the two of them it would just be a simple jaunty outing and everything was fine.

Right.

A vacation.

Right.

Steve wasn’t leaving forever. He was just taking a break.

Eddie could handle that.

He could.

Steve deserved it after all. He’d been running around after Eddie for so long, always so dedicated, always so…

He deserved a vacation. He really, honestly, truly did.

“How-” Eddie cleared his throat and wrapped his arms around himself. “How long will you be gone?”

Steve looked at him with something close to relief that Eddie wasn’t putting up a fight with him. Maybe, just maybe there was a thread of sadness underneath it all but it was so difficult to see.

“A couple of weeks. Maybe a month. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll know until I get there.”

“Oh, one of those vacations, huh?” He laughed. Or attempted to. It was pathetically flat.

“Yeah. One of those.” Steve stepped forward and enveloped Eddie in a hug, warm and solid and soft and all encompassing, like he always was. “I’m… I’m gonna try to switch off, I think. So I’ll probably be out of contact for most of it.” Eddie nodded against Steve’s neck and squeezed him around the middle as tight as he could.

He wasn’t leaving forever, he was going to come back.

He was going to come back and everything would be fine and it would all work out. 

“Where-?” Eddie shook his head. Steve wanted to get away and Eddie didn’t need to know where he was going. It would be fine. Everything would be fine. “Never mind.”

“I’ve already got my replacements lined up. They’ll be here in the morning. You’ll like them. Promise.”

Eddie pulled his head back, still comfortably settled in Steve’s arms but able to see his face now.

Close enough to kiss.

Eddie wanted to kiss.

“More than one?” He said instead.

"You're a handful." Steve smiled, a familiar, easy, mean thing. “I’ve left them a list.”

“A list?” Eddie huffed, wedging his arms in between the two of them so he could cross them over his chest before burrowing his head back into Steve’s neck. “You’ve left them a list like I’m some pedigree dog.”

“You are a pedigree dog.” Steve lifted his arm and patted him on the head, like he was petting him, like a dog, the bitch.

“I’ll miss you.” It was muffled and barely audible to Eddie’s own ears but Steve still heard it.

Of course he did.

Steve’s hand gentled, sliding to cup the back of his head. “I’ll miss you too.”

A car beeped outside and Steve finally let go, stepping back out of Eddie’s space.

Steve was leaving.

Steve was leaving now and Eddie wasn't doing anything about it. Was there anything he could do to make him stay? Anything he could do that wouldn't break the two of them?

With one hand on the front door Steve turned to look back at him. “See you in a few weeks, Eds.”

Eddie had to swallow down the golf ball in his throat and try to ignore the cavernous ache in his heart that had just sprung up to be able to respond but somehow he managed. “I’ll be waiting.”

With a small smile and two light pats on the doorframe, Steve was gone.

Eddie stood there with his arms clenched tightly around himself in his big empty rockstar foyer, in his big empty rockstar house long after the car had pulled away, long after the automatic sensor of the porch light switched off, long enough to feel the ache in his knees, his hips, his back from standing so still for so long. 

He trudged upstairs still in a haze, bypassing his bedroom and heading straight into the biggest guest room of the house.

It was always kept pristine.

Eddie had worried initially that Steve had felt unwelcome here when he’d first started using the room but then he slowly came to realise that that’s just who Steve was.

Neat and tidy.

In nearly everything he did.

Eddie slid under the covers and burrowed his head in deep, deep into the pillow that smelled of hairspray and amber cologne.

He swallowed around that fucking golf ball that was only getting higher, threatening to spill over as he pulled out his phone and dialled.

“Twinkie!” Her bright voice came through despite the late hour.

“Chrissy.” Eddie gasped out her name as his sob finally broke free, shocking himself at just how harsh it was.

“Where are you? What’s wrong? Do I need to call Steve?”

He hiccupped in a breath. “No, don’t call him. He's... I’m at home-”

“Okay, I’m on my way, honey.”

She stayed on the phone the whole drive over, they didn’t talk. He just quietly wept over the line until it went dead when her footsteps could be heard coming down the hall.

Chrissy crawled under the covers next to him without a word, just pulled him into her chest and let him cry.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 AO3

@lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @child-of-cthulhu @sweetwaterangel @anaibis @katytheinspiredworkaholic @littlewildflowerkitten

[marimayscarlett]

hi! :) since fans have gotten richard and paul those paulchard flags, banners, pieces of fabric (you know what i mean) during the boat ride a few shows ago, i'm a bit cautious about people taking things a little ... further than they have been before

in my understanding, in fandom spaces, it's mostly agreed upon to keep shipping stuff in those fandom spaces and away from the band members/real life. i say mostly, because people that go overboard are everywhere, and we don't know what kind of stuff the band has been exposed to in the past during meet and greets, signing sessions and so on. on the other hand, i'm not really on instagram, so i don't know what has been going on over there. nevertheless, i've read something about a past girlfriend of richard having been harassed on insta around 2019 when richard and paul first started kissing after ausländer – don't know if i remember that one correctly, though. and with paul being in a long-term relationship, i feel a bit weird about people bringing the shipping name up close to them; or maybe that's just me? i was wondering about how the behavior of one fan might encourage another ones behavior encouraging someone else even further, and so on. though i'm fully aware that everyone is responsible for their own actions. am i taking things too seriously? the band has had years of experience with fans and popularity after all, and i can imagine them being careful with, for example, searching certain things up online

i was curious about your point of view on all this :)

Hey,

Thank you for your detailed message, which I find really balanced and thoughtful! It's an interesting topic, and I've often thought about it, as well as the Paulchard ship itself. I might ramble a bit, sorry.

First of all, I have to admit that I was a bit taken aback when I saw the footage with the flags, as this was the first time a direct contact about this to the band was made. It felt like a fourth wall was being broken - kind of hard to describe. I'm convinced that both of them have some concept of what Paulchard or shipping in general is - Richard had fanfiction/slash explained to him in this interview once and seemed quite neutral, almost positive, about it. Additionally, they both display a clear affection for each other outwardly, so it shouldn't be surprising that specific shipping structures develop from that. I think the dynamic between Paul and Richard is so interesting and attractive to many because a lot has happened in their history. Close collaboration and friendship from the start (x), intense disagreements, fundamentally different personality traits, fiery tempers, strong opinions (x), and yet they seem to have found their way back to each other on a personal level, thanks in part to external mediation (for example by Schneider). They appear to be an emotional support for each other on tour; I get the impression Richard needs this closeness or expressed affection, and Paul seems to have a sense of what his counterpart needs and shows Richard his appreciation, whether on stage or backstage. It's just lovely to see how they've developed over the decades. Their relationship has such a strong humanity with a wide range of emotions, and coupled with the displayed tenderness, it's just very good shipping material, objectively speaking.

I had a feeling that there would be some kind of confrontation about the topic at some point, especially since 2019. I'm glad it was such a 'tame' approach, a sweet flag with a drawing and a heart (even though a drawing of the two without the 'Paulchard forever' would have sufficed). Still, I think this step is enough, and there shouldn't be more actions like this. Rubbing it in their faces more would be unnecessary and unneeded. This is where common sense should kick in. The fact is that Paul and Richard are not together; regarding their sexuality, it's not my place to make definitive statements, but Paul has been with Arielle for ages, and Richard has had numerous longer and shorter relationships with women. So, comments on IG, whether on family members', partners', or Paul and Richard's accounts, are absolutely inappropriate, disrespectful, and detached from reality. We mustn't forget that these are real people with real relationships and feelings, and we really don't need to rub it in their faces. I think shipping in fandom circles is fine, but there must be respect for the individuals in direct interactions, and family members should definitely be kept out of it.

As I said, I found the flag cute and sweet, but more doesn't need to happen imo. I'm also a bit worried that this might inspire others to do something that is too much, which I hope won't happen. In conclusion, I must commend both Richard and Paul for how they handled the situation. Both were mildly interested and took the flag without making a big deal out of it.

Thank you to @m---e---l for gathering some thoughts about this ask and discussing this with me 🤍

[lrgcarter]

Okay,

I've often posted links to my fiction, but I haven't ever written a post explaining what I write. I've always figured "meh, if people read it they read it. If not, then not. Whatevs."

But today the prose is coming tough, so I'm writing this explanation as a free writing/shake it all loose kind of thing.

So, imagine a seventeen year old in the very early 2000s. Tony Blair is prime minister. 9/11 happened less than 12 months ago. It is not currently common for people to have their own internet connection. You use one of the computers scattered randomly around college if you want to ask jeves to look for things online. But he probably won't find anything, because the internet doesn't have much on it yet. Strange times.

And I'm thinking "I enjoy creating shit!"

This creativity came in many forms. Writing lyrics with my friend who knew how to play Every Instrument. Making comics. Writing stories.

And being as I am 17, I am aware that I know jack shit about the world. I also know that I'm trying to figure it out, and it's hard, but day by day I'm getting there, you know?

I'm also starting to see how experimental books can be. I've read Robert Rankin, who like to put poems between each chapter. I'm reading Moby Dick, which swaps between traditional prose and script format and has one chapter that's just a limerick. (Edit: It might not strictly be a limerick. Tiny poem. Whatever, word nerd.) I've discovered Edward Gory, who does so much in so little space and who I could probably ramble on about for ever.

So, I'm particularly focusing on developing my own prose.

And all of these things come together. And I start putting together things to make a children's book.

Why a children's book? Because I'm a teenager who has yet to drown his earlier memories. I can remember what children want. Or at least what I wanted as a child. And the children's material of the time did not seem to be catering for Past Me (Edit: Oh, except for Captain Underpants! I discovered that while revising for my GCSEs. Add that to the inspiration pile).

So, I start sticking together everything I like into one big messy world.

I don't even know the style I'm going for yet. At one point I was going to do the whole thing in the style of Edward Gory. You know, because at that point I was pumping his stuff into my veins.

And then I go to uni, and my friend Chris takes me to the uni writing group, and they seem to like my stuff. Which is nice and encouraging. And so I keep writing from there.

Fast forward 20 years.

The world has changed. A lot. And in some other ways, not at all.

My work has not been published. No worries. I understand. I've had some very nice rejection letters. I'm painfully aware of its flaws.

Also, the world changing, and me doubling my age, means that what I want to write has changed.

My old stories are about a kid trying to work out what the world is all about. I had this idea that there is enough strange and fantastical shit in the world that you don't need to go through a wardrobe or whatever to find a fantasy land. My original aim was to write an exaggerated version of the real world with any differences being because it was "just a few years in the future, after a load of stuff has changed."

But since then the world has changed. And some of the stuff in my stories is now redundant. And plenty of it has been done better by others in the meantime. And I'm now working on new stuff that better reflects where I currently am as a person and as a writer.

But at the start of the ongoing pandemic I made myself a website. And I needed content. So I dusted off the first few old stories and threw them online. Where you can read them!

And at some point I'll dust off the next in the series. Book 3 needs a lot of work though, which is why it isn't already there. That story is set in a school and remembering that part of my childhood opened up waaay too many mind doors. So while the first stories have been through 20 years of drafting and refinement, book 3 is basically still in its first draft format. Which is a shame, because I'm really happy with book 4 and want to put that out one day. So if none of the rest of the series ever sees the light of day, I will get book 3 revised and put 3 and 4 on my site.

One day.

In the mean time, please check out my stories if you would like to see some metaphorical pictures of me as an embarrassing youth.

[tomato-bird-art]

SF ZINEFEST 2024! Some pictures from the San Francisco Zinefest last week! I had a wonderful time, and it was SUPER busy! thanks everyone who swung by to pick up prints and zines from me, I really appreciate it. It was really heartening to see people enjoy my art and remember me from over the years—I’ve had a very busy year and not as much time to “be an artist” as I’d like, so it was very invigorating to be around other queer artists again in a dedicated and enthusiastic space. When online a lot, you tend to forget how it is to be around art in person, and this was a great reminder of it—also every year, I’m always excited to see the beautiful outfits and fashion of the attendees! Someday I’ll dress up more special, but alas it’s just work and apron for me XD

I also finally got to meet longtime mutual and incredible artist @megamoth in person, and got a copy of their Devilman zine series here I contributed to some years ago! Here’s a pic with a cool itabag as well.

This year, I debuted a few new works:

“Fujo X-Ray Visions”

is a collection of personal comics from the past year I’ve been posting here and on Patreon, mostly about trying to balance life as a cartoonist and as someone pursuing some new career experiences in the healthcare field. Like “Voids and Visions” before it, there’s a bunch of personal stuff and angsting along with regular goofiness.

It’s available now both as a physical zine, as well as a digital download!

“If All The World Were Mine!”

My collection of artwork and comics I’ve done for my medieval rpf side account, @angevinyaoiz over the past couple years. It’s a mix of some serious historical illustrations, goofy cartoons, and nsfw works. It’s probably one of the most “niche” things I’ve ever made or gotten into as of late, but I’m happy for the audience who has appreciated my work over the past several months. It’s available currently as a physical zine purchase on storenvy, and I’m planning on making an expanded digital zine version available later—fill out this form to be notified!

“Best Yaoi Movies of 20th Century Hollywood”

In this collaborative project I did with my friend @titilvating, in the style of classic cut and paste, copied zines, we offer our takes on 19 movies made before the year 2000. Many are acclaimed classics; some are underrated gems.  We made this zine to both introduce folks to the richness possibilities of classic movies; whether longtime cinephiles familiar with queer subtexts,  or young fujos looking for more material to sink their yaoifangs into.  Our sample size caters to our personal tastes rather than “good representation” and reflects a fraction what’s out there, with a focus on western US/European media, but hopefully can serve as a fun introduction and celebration. Old movies are a lotta fun, who would’ve thought?

It’s available now as a free digital download, but contact me if you’re interested in a physical edition as well!”

Other Works:

My print version of “The Sons of God” was very well received! I realized sometimes giving little titles to print pieces make for great conversation starters, and I got to chat a lot about my inspirations for the respective pieces. Grab a physical print here!

Ending Thoughts

Overall, I’m glad I got to meet lots of people this year and also pick up lots of zines! I didn’t have a chance to really browse this time around since it was so busy, but I got to trade a lot with folks and also pick up some cool zines and stickers myself.

For those who’d like to keep up with what I’m doing, follow me here, on Patreon, either as a member or free-follower, since I tend to post my sketches/WIPs there first. For me now, it’s back to the grind of school and also continuing creative projects. I have a lot of stuff I dream of doing, and it’s always a challenge to balance that with what needs to get done. If I learned anything from this event, it’s how valuable it is to connect with people in the real world art space (Something I always learn and forget like every few months.)…also, always bring water and snacks—can never be TOO prepared!

Wishing you all a good autumn,

-Allie

[protect-daniel-james]

Would love to hear your thoughts about Bramley-Moore Dock!

Oh, what an ask! Where do I even begin?

(I dedicated a big part of my master's thesis to it, and I still know shit about it, lmao). I was in Liverpool three times - in October 2022, April 2023, and finally in September 2024, and every time I went to see it (the first two trips were "part of my research", so I say).

Disclaimer at first: I love Liverpool. I love the city, I love the vibe, I love the accent, I love the humor - I know it's the stereotype but I genuinely think there is some truth in it, having a laugh because what else can you do. "Supposedly universal Scouse qualities as resilience, cheery buoyancy in the face of adversity, and the ubiquitous good sense of humour" ; "micro-culture of truculent defiance, collective solidarity and fatalist humour” - I love all of it. Or maybe I'm just in awe of port cities (coming from a landlocked country) and I love people calling you "luv". So, I will never be fully objective when it comes to this.

Anyway! Back to Bramley-Moore Dock! I, in general, love old stadiums, stadiums that have been built in ancient times, because of the things I write about in the enfermo Unai stories - the history, the heritage, the place the old stadium has in the folklore, and the role it plays in the memories of the supporters. I highly recommend the two books - or, rather, one book and one thesis - that changed my life and made me a stadium fucker (not literally), and that I use a lot for stuff in building Unai's World of Wonder & Fútbol:

Frank, S., Steets, S. (eds.) (2010). Stadium Worlds: Football, Space, and the Built Environment. Routledge.

Thomas, F. E. (2018). The visual culture of football – heritage and nostalgia in ground moves. [University of Central Lancashire, Preston, United Kingdom].

I could copy and paste all the literature I gathered for my research lmao. But these two volumes I really remember fondly and come back to for a quick skim when writing about Unai.

Well, during my visits to Liverpool, I saw the stadium "coming to life". And, I will be honest, at first, I hated the idea of a club moving to a new place. Obviously, as a latent West Ham fan, I have had my share of (online) experience of fans moaning about "the soulless bowl" of London Stadium, and the neverending longing for the Boleyn Ground spirit and atmosphere. BUT - I think the difference in Liverpool is the placement of the new stadium.

(left: April 2023, right: September 2024)

I think the dock was/is a genius idea, especially once the waterfront is fully regenerated and the actual "promenade" reaches all the way from the city center to the stadium. Honestly, as things stand now, the stadium is in a very "wasteland-like" area, and I feel like the current bus routes only rarely pass anywhere near it? (I walked there every time from the city center and back lmao). There's basically nothing to see around as you walk down Regent Road. I'm curious to see how it will look at the beginning of the new season - and a few years from now on. (In a few years’ time, hopefully, it will be possible to evaluate whether 'marching down the Regent Road' will retain some of the qualities and values associated with the practice of 'marching down the Goodison Road'.)

Tl;dr I started off as a new stadium hater. But when the move is inevitable - there should be a place of significance in the city used for the new stadium. I would hate it - and I understand why there was an uproar about those plans - if Everton had moved to Kirkby when they had the chance. Like, fuck no. The club is woven in the fabric of the city, and it should be proudly kept in it. The Fans' Led Review called for football clubs to be classed (or at least considered) as heritage, and many of them have long been treated as tourist attractions in their cities - so their placement in the city should be in line with that.

Also, since I fell in love with Liverpool, I genuinely think the Albert Docks look cool and offer so much and is in general such a great blueprint for the use of the other docks of Liverpool. So if Bramley-Moore Dock can be anything like that, I will be happy.

And it seems like the reaction of the actual Everton fans - whose opinion matters much more than mine over here - has been positive this week (I get it that with Moyes at the wheel now, everything is sunshine and flowers but I think the response has been very positive because of the location for a long time). From what I've seen, it looks really cool. I'll definitely check it out when I'm in Liverpool.

I'll end this lovely stadium fuckery with a quote from the podcast Royal Blue:

“You couldn’t have dreamt it better. If I was to interview 100 000 Everton fans across the world where would they love their brand new stadium, I guess 99 % of them would say Liverpool city centre, on the docks, on the waterfront, shining like a beacon to the rest of the world. You can’t ask for more than that. And I think that’s what they’ve got, that’s what they deserve. They’ve been patient for twenty odd years with no trophies, watching their neighbors with everything in sight – this is their reward for patience and support, and I think they deserve it.”