#but yea this blog is basically what the title says let's see when i can continue archiving the most gorgeous well dressed human

[klingerfashionarchive]

season 1 episode 4

[itrithenbartist]

I love you headcanons for sunny day jack. I was wondering if you have headcanons for Joseph Cullman too? You don't have to if you don't want to, but thanks for reading this!

yesssssss i would absolutely love to do this. sorry it took a second, i'm recovering atp. but yea!!

THIS IS 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI OR YOU'LL BE BLOCKED AND ANY AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED TOO

with that out of the way, enjoy <3 gn as possible

-Joseph.......loves praising mc???? but like also in a degrading way than the way jack would. think more towards 'you're such a good sl*t' etc etc

-loves public s*x...there's no way you can look at the man and say he doesn't. of course doesn't want to get into trouble with the law or terrify children, but think of it as a game. see how many times mc can nut on his fingers. before the two of them have to finish this...elsewhere

-loves to tease, doesn't matter about what, just to see mc flush and try to hide is just so appealing to him. even more so when they're going at it in the bedroom and watching mc fall apart with his c*ck and his voice??? mmmm he'll take that everyday

-loves pet names. mc calls him something like "my love" or "baby" or "honey" don't ask him why his first response is to get excited...he's such a lonely man.

-if you want to try things in the bedroom? he doesn't care. mc wants to call him different names/titles? 100% is on board. when him and mc figure out the best title? oh man he's gonna use it against mc everrrrrryday.

-just like last post, he's absolutely for sloppy toppy. he can't get enough of it. tho it's more like an appetizer than like him actually wanting to finish, mc other holes are his main dish he wants in all the time.

-instead of praising when mc tops? filthy talker. goading mc to go harder/faster with whatever equipment they got (bought or organic is fine, he's not picky). even will ride mc to get the results he wants. he's not no pillow princess

-doesn't really sub, more like less domineering than anything else. doesn't mean to? but will laugh in mc's face if they suggest being in charge.

-shouldn't tell him how much you love any part of his body...especially his c*ck....he's gonna be an unstoppable force of nature and it's so sexy scary seeing how he uses this to his advantage

-love's bondage, especiallyyyy on mc. seeing them wrapped in whatever rope/silk? hard, matter of minutes. so turned on

-size different? esp if mc is shorter than him? he's in heaven. he loves that mc gotta crane their neck to him to do anything

softer hc's i think i got all the major k*nks i can think of.

-loves being little spoon. like don't get him wrong he loves dominating mc, and caring........but sometimes he wants to be held??? wouldn't flat out ask for it, but if mc does it on their own? joseph's smitten.

-since he's not rich/doesn't make a lot of money...his idea of love and showing affection is just mostly spending quality time. oh mc gotta do grocery shopping? he's with them. doing basic tasks? follows like a an obedient puppy.

-loves soft touches. when mc just randomly touches him? cups his face? strokes his hair? trace his back? it's a wrap. he's literally gonna be so smitten and soft for mc

-never had someone care about him. so when mc see's he's struggling? and helps give him a 'self care day'? he doesn't know how to react. genuinely stuck between wanting to cry and rejecting the idea of it. fully accepts it after awhile. it's his favorite thing to do with mc

-loves when mc plays with his hair, likes brushing it? and just being so gentle? (actually figuring out that 2-in-1 isn't actually good) and takes the time to let mc take care of his hair. it's so soft and nice now.

-can only cook the essentials...........like eggs and ramen. if mc can cook better than him? well he's been sold for everything else, but this is just a bonus.

-doesn't really speak. genuinely loves hearing mc talk about their day/in general because he thinks their voice is so lovely.

-wants to take care of mc no matter what. mc is the first person to care for him, he wants to make sure they're taken care of.

personally this is a little adhd snippet? i personally hc him that has adhd

-he's weird? he can maintain eye contact, but if you're talking to him, he's walking while listening. so he can actually Listen

-was always shit on for having hyperfixations, esp as a kid...mc makes it safe for him to explore himself and his childhood.

-cannot watch anything without subtitles. it's like...without the subtitles he can't understand shit

-can get really good at something in a matter of days then just dip....because it doesn't stimulate his brain as much as it did

enough adhd content, also it's MY hc because i have audhd, skip over it if you don't want to read it

-joseph loves all shapes mc would be in....just really really loves fat mc. like he loves tummy.

[goalkepa]

after taking a very short break from tumblr😂 I’m back!

ummm how to start. I feel needed to explain why I chose to take a break from this place which I’m pretty obsessed with, obviously haha. If anyone is interesting, you can keep reading this because I probably will rant a lot.

so, since griezmann announced his departure, I suffered from a huge depression, probably the biggest one which I’ve never faced before. I don’t know why I was like this. I literally forgot how to smile, crying suddenly whenever I thought about him, putting a sad expression on my face which I feel sorry for my friends because they have to see me like this every day but they couldn’t do anything for me. A bit dramatic I know, that’s what my sis described about me (but she is also the one that give me the advice so🤷🏻‍♀️) Fortunately, there are people on this site help me get through this shit, one of the biggest shit ever in my life, listen to me talking with nonsense, sharing their views with me and show me the love I need the most at this moment. So, first of all, I just wanna say thank you, for all those sweet messages, words and support. I definitely will not get that positive me back without what you have done for me.

Second, I want to talk about this shit, about griezmann leaving Atletico after spending five years at this club. At first, I was extremely mad and disappointed. As a fan of Atletico Madrid, I felt betrayed. I couldn’t accept that he really chose to leave us when we already lost enough players. I didn’t expect him to be a person who only thought about himself. That’s what I thought at the beginning. After reading enough articles, comments, messages, having a lot of discussion with different kinds of people, I got another aspect of views, which help me get over it, and also, forgive him and choose to support him again.

If I stand in the position of atleti’s fan, his decision will never be acceptable because I believe none of the fans will be happy to see our own player leaving, only if you already hate him. But if I stand in his position, everything will be different. Does he have the right to ask for leaving? absolutely. Transfer is too common in every kind of sports. Of course it will be great for a footballer to be a club legend, but players actually don’t have the obligation to do that. Will the time he decided to leave really matter? No because honestly there won’t be a right time for him to leave because atleti will always need him in this current squad, and that’s also one of the reasons why the fans turned out so radical due to the fact that we have relied on him for the past five years. But the thing is, griezmann is not irreplaceable. Just like cholo said, we lost Kun, Torres, Mandzu and a lot of amazing players, but we will always find another one, or to say, we will always create another great footballer, because that’s what defines us, and we should be proud of that in my view. Does going to barca make him look like a traitor? If he doesn’t talk shit about his former clubs, he will never be a traitor for me. He always shows his biggest respect against real sociedad. He carries them in his heart, and that’s what I think he will do to Atletico Madrid. Tho he will probably never wear our jersey again, and maybe doesn’t deserve to wear it again, but he will always keep this color in his heart, at least it is what he does to real sociedad. What he did last summer was extremely disrespectful and ridiculous to both Barca’s and Atleti’s fans, and that’s one of the reasons why I don’t get his decision to leave us. But after all, it’s his decision. Didier said that when the players made their decisions, it’s because they believe in it. So, as his fan, I should believe in him too. It really hurts so much when atleti announced the new kit and I thought of that he will never have chance to wear it again, but I shouldn’t forget that he has given his all in the past five years. He and atleti have grown up together, so maybe it really is time to let him chase for what he wants in his career. Yes, to win titles, to win trophies, that’s what every player wants honestly, and I shouldn’t expect him to stay with us forever while he still has ambition. we will need a lot of times to rebuild everything and that definitely won’t help him fulfill his dream. He is not young anymore. If there are clubs out there want him, it’s his chance and in my view, he should go for it.

Many many people think he stayed for the money. Whatever I guess. For me, I always believe he stayed because he had friends here (while most of them left too), he felt the love and the sense of belonging at this club, he believed he could help atleti win UCL or Liga. but after five years, people still don’t give a fuck about us. And now we will face the process of rebuild, his buyout clause will help us buy new quality players, his leaving will help us reach the balance of wages. Maybe he knows his leaving could make a difference in a good way? We will never find out but these facts indeed change my minds from regarding this as a bad thing to a good thing. It’s a chance, for both the club and antoine.

But still, all these things I said will not rationalize anything. It’s just my personal views, and the reasons why I want to keep supporting him. It’s not an easy decision for him to make honestly. Going to a club with totally different styles while the dressing room and the fans both don’t want him? Sounds pretty bad tbh but that’s why he needs the support from TeamGrizi. And I really cannot quit supporting him at this moment, at least it is what I experienced for the past few days. Life is too hard to hate him, maybe my deepest mind still knows that there are more reasons to love him instead of hating him. And now I know it too.

So, yea, basically this is all I wanted to say. Also, I wanted to shout out to a person who called me fake fan of griezmann based on my reaction last week. Honestly, I want to thank you for that. it made me think twice about the whole situation. And eventually I have changed my mind. So, if you’re expecting me to leave him, I have to say sorry, because this blog will still support him, maybe now and always.

[bryanfaganlaw]

Moving on from divorce means tying on loose ends and looking towards the future

If you have need a best suitable service your Child Law experience, Moving on from divorce means tying on loose ends and looking towards the future with the great process!

Family Law Attorneys Houston: When you have at long last attended mediation for final orders or have withstood a trial for the same purpose, you probably feel a sense of relief. You may even be asking yourself if this is really it- the end of your divorce. While in some ways it is the biggest hurdle to clear in completing your divorce, your case is not actually done and over with at this stage. While you have the shell of what your Final Decree of Divorce will look like, it is not a done deal quite yet. Let’s examine this in some detail at the outset of today’s blog post.

On a basic level, your judge will need to get a written version of the final orders in your case for him or her to review and sign. If that is never submitted to your judge then your case will eventually be dismissed. In some counties like Harris they will either get your order in relatively quick succession or your case will be dismissed. If you live in a less populous county the judge may have the time and space to keep your case on the active docket. Be aware of this and work with your attorney to make sure an order is being prepared by either your attorney or your spouse’s attorney.

Following the submittal of an order that bears your, your spouse’s and the attorney’s signatures a judge will still have to review and approve of the order. If the judge does not approve of the order he or she will let your attorneys know and the order will need to be revised before he or she will sign off. Even after the order is signed by all parties and the judge you will need to ensure all costs fees, costs and ancillary documents have been submitted. Your attorney should know what is required in the country that has jurisdiction over your case, but it is not a bad idea to go to the clerk’s website to verify for yourself so that you know what to expect.

Once your final order has been submitted to the judge, signed and entered by the clerk you should request a copy of the judgment to keep handy for yourself. Nowadays most counties have electronic versions online that you can access for free and review. Printing a version online usually leaves you with a document that has an “unofficial copy” watermark across each page or something similar. If you are looking for a nice, presentable copy for your records you will need to ask the clerk for a certified or non certified copy.

Telling various people and entities that you are divorced

Houston Family Law Lawyers: A copy of your final decree of divorce is important to get because your work is just beginning once your divorce has concluded. You will need to take your copy of the decree and notify your employer first and foremost. Your tax status will likely change as a result of your divorce and you should submit new tax documents showing the exemptions you will be claiming now that you are a single person. Calculate this number as closely as you can so you don’t end up paying too much or too little in your federal income taxes.

Many people move shortly after their divorce for a whole host of reasons. If you are counted among this group you should fill out a forwarding address form and submit that to the post office.

Changing your name after your divorce

As a result of your divorce you may have requested and been granted a name change. This name change being granted by a judge will not automatically change your name on important documents and in the records of our government. You will need to contact the Social Security Administration so that a new social security card can be issued to you. Your employer will need to update your name in the records of your company as well as in a 401(k), life insurance and other areas of importance. Do you have a mortgage, credit cards or other loans active? These folks will need to know your new name as well. Oh yea- driver’s licenses and passports need to be updated as well. It is tedious work to do all of this, but from my experience if you do not do so immediately following your divorce you will likely find yourself putting it off for an extended period of time.

Organize your life as best you can once your divorce is done and over with

Family Law Lawyer Houston: Did it feel like your life was a bit helter-skelter during your divorce? I think that’s normal and would probably be a little odd if you did not feel this way. After all, your life was flipped around on its head for a period of a few months while you and your spouse worked to dislodge one another from your respective lives. Your support system and life partner ceased to be and you are now left to build your life back up as a single person. This is not an easy transition and one that cannot be overstated in how difficult it must be for you.

With all of that said, once your divorce decree has been signed by the judge and entered into the record of your case it is your job to understand the orders and see to it that they are followed. It is not the job of your attorney, your judge or the opposing attorney to police you and your ex-spouse and your interactions with one another. Trust me when I say that while an attorney will give it their all for you while your case is active, once your case is done we will move on to the next person that needs our help. It’s just the way of the world in that regard. Point being- take it upon yourself to learn about your divorce decree and what your responsibilities are under it.

I should note, however, that if your divorce decree requires your attorney to take some action in regard to a QDRO, for example, after your divorce decree is entered then he or she absolutely needs to do so. Their responsibility to you is not done until all of the requirements under that decree are met as far as what is ordered for him or her to do on your behalf. You can help him or her to do so by contacting their office and getting status updates. There should not be much that is required of him or her but you can help and keep your attorney accountable.

You can read through the document and make a list for yourself as to what you need to do (and the order you need to do those things in) in order to be compliant. Both you and your spouse will have responsibilities under the order. If you want to be a true overachiever you can make a separate checklist for your ex-spouse so that you are aware of what his/her responsibilities are and when those responsibilities need to be completed by.

Make a separate file in your home or on a computer/cloud platform to keep issues related to your home, your finances, your children, etc. all independent and organized. If titles to your vehicle and home need to be transferred into your name make note of that. Work with your ex-spouse to get these issues out of the way early. Keep track of communication with him or her. Email does this automatically for you so instead of phone calls or texts do it via electronic mail. This will help you in the event that an enforcement suit needs to be filed later should your spouse not live up to their end of the agreement.

More advice on closing out and moving on from a divorce will be posted in our blog tomorrow

Kingwood Divorce Attorney: Thank you for your interest in today’s blog post topic. We hope that you will return tomorrow to read more about post-divorce life. If you have questions about anything you’ve read please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan, PLLC. We offer free of charge consultations with one of our licensed family law attorneys six days a week ... Continue Reading

[woozi]

twt being no.1 on updates, true that <3

not jaebeom speaking abt the mark, hui, btob youngjae fight on youngk's radio show at the time i was typing away abt temper 😭 dhdjdkkdks it's so funny whenever these guys meet someone has to mention abt it and then everyone starts talking. it's like that one story in your friend group you all just can't let go of and some might be like ' how long are you gonna talk abt it?' & next thing you know they're also talking about it at some other time djdjsksk. (but also not him saying he hugged mk to stop him 😔🥺 this was new info to me) i get what you're trying to say hdjdke <33.

oh no alexa pls play you can't sit with us by sunmi. sorry jaebs you are not allowed in our club anymore </3 dhdjdk. RIGHT?? need some silly things to hang on to, to make life interesting jdjdkdkd. naur <///3 i love yugs' smile and laugh sm. i like calling him, chan and seungkwan(even tho sometimes this one makes me want to fight him) ' babu ' (it's a cute term of endearment in my language djjdd idk how to describe it in eng it's something btwn bub and cutie but tbh comparing it to these two makes it a lil bland djdjdk also i feel like sharing this will give away my identity bc i use these a lot in tags 😭😭 also idk if you got the notif but i accidentally liked & then unliked last ask jdjdkd) anyway all 3 of them make me very happy 🥺.

im starting to l*ve u and ur taste too 😿💗. i'll be honest i don't know which bsides have choreo from old albums ( i only know of current ones bc i was there during cbs djdjk 😭) unless someone tells me abt it, i haven't seen it yet but that's what i'm gonna do after sending this. also samee i dont wanna get my hopes up but since jus2 are basically from same agency i am also looking forward to them being in one track in future.

gotsvt chef's kiss 💖. i think ppl just start naming songs they personally dislike, flop these days djjdke. maybe it's just younger ones or just those who listen to title tracks only. there used to be this one song i listened to, of jamie, it was also a feature can't remember name of it, but other than that i haven't listened to her discography much :3. tasteee it's a banger! on the rocks makes me want to miss my non existent s/o djekdkdl. the lyrics </3 the vibe </3. i think drive you home comes close to it for me. after on the rocks that's another one i love with capital L.

dhdjkdjdek that's okay i tend to repeat same phrases too, and trueeeee live performances hit differently.

it's funny how you say i'm keeping up w g7 bc i have no idea where jackson is or what he is doing and until his 2nd bday live i thought mark was in china but then got to know he was in hawaii 😭 i've given up on keeping track what they're doing off stage/irl unless i get update via ig stories through them. keeping up what their releases is still somewhat easy so i'm just doing that. ( i had no idea jaebs was gonna be on eric nam interview but finally today i got the chance to watch it 🥺💚) also!! yes i had didn't know what or how bam's agency is like but everything abt bam's cb i was content with and loved it, i'm impressed.

omg you're chan's age??? i'm a 97 kid :3 and yeah same that's what i thought too, couldn't really find any answer as to why he wasn't :/.

also no worries abt playlist jdjddk i'll slowly start listening to their discography here and there. BUT ALSO i saw there is slchld on the playlist you linked, I LOVE THEIR SONGS OMG. NO IDEA WHO THEY ARE BUT I LOVE LOVE LISTENING TO THEIR SONGS, yerin baek too!! after woozi's cover i started listening to some of her songs <333 also kehlani 💖 i love her voice. thank you for sending in just that too <3

also did you notice seungkwan's ball which got stuck om roof, is still there in same place in 4th ep of in the soop djsjskslsl 😭 i found that so funny for some reason. no one bothered to bring it down.

i hope this week is being kinder to you since last weekend was one rough (else i'm fighting it), stay hydrated <3 yza 💗 goodluck w uni - 🪂

WAIT HE DID????????????? I DIDNT GET TO WATCH THE THING THATS SO FUNNY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

literally how many times have they talked abt this... AND EXACTLY FDJKFJDKFD it's the predebut fight bond for me <3 ok but i can see jaebs hugging mark so he won't beat the living shit out of the other boys that is So Him 😭

YOU LISTEN TO SUNMI... EVERYDAY U GET SEXIER.. WHAT THE HEAL.. it's like that w astrology to me too KJKJDFKJFDKJ i would also fight seungkwan no hesitation tbh it'd end up w me headlocking him im just so sure of it <3 OHHH I THINK IM FAMILIAR W UR NATIVE LANGUAGE THEN??? filo???? im not so sure though fdkjfdjkf and no u don't have to worry abt that i don't check my notifs anymore JKFKJJKDFKJ i just check mentions replies and asks <3 i know i'm missing a lot by doing so but it just takes up too much time for me now :/ and i will pretend to not know even though i have def seen those tags KJFKJDJKFDKJFD

dw i don't know most of them either KJFJKJFDD i just come across things!! i don't even know A Lot of things abt the groups i liked ever since i came back from my kpop hiatus jkfdkjdf i dont feel like i need to know Everything anymore just to like things lol 😭 im hanging on to this frail hope... jus2.. BLEASE....

ik :/ and there's no reasonable.. idk guideline anymore for "successful" songs which is also weird to me.. i think thats bc of streaming and shit :/ JAMIE IS SOOOO GOOOD!! i knew her from her reality competition days and when she eventually debuted in 15&. jype fucking sucks though she could've been v big now :/ the vocal chords on that woman.. incredible. <3 JDSKJDSJ WITH A CAPITAL L!!!! jacks' latest songs are always abt heartache what is he going thru 😭 how did u feel abt LMLY?

i know like.. only 13 words max nowadays so 😭

i think jacks is just always busy so we both cant keep up with him 😭 AND MARK IS IN HAWAII?????????? I THOUGHT HE WAS IN LA WTF 😭 i actually am not keeping up w them as much as i used to i just still have a lot of g7 moots and i follow update blogs so JKFJKDKJFD i still love the boys sm though it's just that im becoming a svtpoppie now 😭😭😭

yes i am <3 he's just a few months older than me!! ALSO WAIT we're the same age as g7 and svt's maknae lines 👁️👄👁️

HELL YEA!!!!!!!!!!!! i actually don't know who they are either i just listen to them too fdjkfjkkjfd lately spotify's doing most of the work for me <3 ALSO U KNOW ABT JIHOON'S COVER... UR SO- ok we're besties 4 life now <3 CAN I JUST SAY... WHAT THE HELL IS UP W JIHOON.. DOING IT IN THE ORIGINAL KEY.. HE HAD NO BUSINESS SHOWING OFF LIKE THAT OK UR TALENTED N IM A LITTLE IN L*VE W U WE GET IT 😭😭😭

AND NO DFKJFDKJJKFDFDKJDF WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY TO ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HOW DID U EVEN NOTICE!!! NOW IM GONNA HAVE TO LOOK FOR CLIPS OF IT JKFDFJKDFD 😭 they're truly relaxing they cant even be bothered lmaoooo

looks like it'll be much better!! i'm kind of excited for uni ngl <3 i hope everything's well w u as well and that all ur endeavors are bussin <3 u stay hydrated too and get lots of sleep!! <3

[chckpeas]

Entry 14. Starting with a bang v2.0(20)

Written and posted on the night of the 3rd of January 2020. Decided to, once again, bring back some life to this blog. I believe I already affirmed the fact that I only write on here when I need to take shit off my chest. So, it’s officially 2020 and somehow I can’t help to feel like I’m almost exactly in the same place I was last year only more mature and uglier but yea. New Year's Eve was probably one of the best nights/parties I’ve been to. I was high on molly but it wasn’t as ‘intense’ as it usually was -- probably because there was only a month between the last experience. I met a lot of cool people and when I did dance it was fucking good. Though, the weirdest thing ever happened. The guy from the last entry, who has appeared in many others, happened to be at Paradigm as well. This was weird for several reasons:        a. He doesn’t live here anymore       b. He doesn’t even like techno, he actually hates it       c. He doesn’t do mind-altering drugs       d. What the fuck??????

Anyways, I decided not to bring up the whole ‘do-you-maybe-have-a-girlfriend’ conversation because I honestly did not even know what to say and I did not want to ruin my own night. So, we were having quite an interesting conversation and after my friends had left, this girl sat next to you and asked us if we met at Paradigm and if we were a couple. I guess this made me feel a lil unconformable but since I was on drugs I like did not notice. You then like brought up how it felt as if I immediately closed a book on our potential friendship when we had dinner. I said how I felt similar, lol. Then you like talked about our friendship or whatever and then I believe there was like a moment and for some reason we almost kissed but I like then awkwardly laughed and like pulled my head away. That was probably a good idea because then your friends like walked by including *that one friend*.  We talked some more and then you leaned in again and smiled and I was like why are you smiling and then I guess we/I kissed you. And ye. I remember quite intensely like making out on the couch. The girl and her friend left, another couple came to sit next to you and I guess we scared them off too lmfao. I mean you were like kissing my neck and shit. Then my festival friend, Martijn, walked by and he was looking awkward. I decided to join Martijn and go dancing, I dragged you with me. Bumped into a lot of ex-committee members and some other medicine peeps which was fun but felt a lil weird about K not like mixing but whatever. We also bumped into K’s friend who is now in my year as well. Then, on the dance floor we like ‘couple-danced’ so I wasn’t like techno dancing but yea whatever, we made out some more. After that, we separated ways cuz we had to do some things. Later we met up again at the benches where my friends were. You like tried to take me home w -- oh yea I forgot that I accidentally lied about having my own place, yes accidentally -- but I wanted to stay. As a means of goodbye, we again made out and it was nice. C did cross my mind a few times, but I guess more about him (or not) another entry. I realised that i definitely do not like you anymore, not even slightly romantically, and that it was almost funny that I made like a playlist for you and all that haha -- this entry may sound like it but I just really had a good experience.  Anyhow, I might as well’ve gone home with you because after that I like didn’t do shit so, I mean it would’ve been cool to experience what it was like to have sex whilst being on molly. Then again, the morning after was hell. We decided to like meet up the next day (or yea basically on the same day). I went to bed at 8 am and woke up at 3 pm feeling relatively like shit but it could’ve been worse. Eventually, we met up at a supermarket near my house and cooked curry which was nice as usual. Because the house was so fucking cold we went to my room and layed underneath the covers. Once we were warm enough you decided to eat my coochie, still underneath the covers, and then we had sex, nice. It was nice and good, I don’t really think during it. I just remember seeing the colour purple when closing my eyes and when I was on top that I was still a bottom and that I finally understood what like ‘bottom’ and ‘top’ energy is lmao. Then halfway, my dog walked into my room hahaha, we didn’t give a shit. When we were done we both fell asleep and napped. Once we had awoken we watched Rick and Morty which was pretty funny I have to say. As I was still turned on I decided to subtly initiate shit again haha. So I like started to stroke your arm in a certain way and then I could like hear your breathing pattern change and you started to like stroke me back. You paused the show and then *bam* shit started again. I really like the fact that I know which parts of your body I can kiss and touch and turn you on. Besides the fact that you smell so fucking good, it turns me on when you’re turned on lmao. The second round started off a lil painful I got to say, the angle wasn’t quite right but once it was it was fucking a-ma-zing. Besides the fact that the romantic chemistry was gone, I think it qualifies as a contender for one of the best sex sessions we had. Pillow talk was nice and then we slept together like we always do. Maybe I shall visit you when I happen to be in the area. So yea, once again I started the year (but also now the decade) with a bang. Though, this time with, I guess, a ‘toxic’ person. Not sure how I really feel about it, I mean I don’t think that I regret it and I’m kinda just letting it slide all over me. I decided that from now on I’m not gonna let things have a power over me in which they can heavily affect/hurt me. I am just gonna look at it in an objective way: I had a good start of the decade by having amazing sex with a guy I have a history with and who is relatively nice but shady. Still doesn’t take away that I had a good time. Just want to end this long ass post that I put a lame ass ‘word’ -- well actually, a number -- joke in the title. I’m lame.

[hyuncakes]

hi i was not sure if i should send this to your main or this but since this blog is more wanna one related tag could your mutuals as points in "if kpop positions were accurate" this is the post = seokjinandtonic. tumblr. com/post/164651220236/if-kpop-positions-were-accurate i have been following both of you on your main and here and i like you to know i am a fan and your graphics inspire me

YOU ARE SOOOOO CUTE OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LIKING OUR GRAPHICS!! And saying that we inspire you ;___; that’s so so sweet of you I literally screamed. You deserve the worlddddddd!!! This seems fun so let’s get to it!! ^^ Lillian and I are gonna combine our answers lol so if you’re tagged and are like “lool this girl isn’t even following me though???” it’s prob the other person~ :^)

the hyung you thought was a maknae

tbh I thought Ying was my age but it turned out she was 95 line!!! @ Ying I also tagged you for something else below c:

the unofficial visual

@woojiniel and @perkwoojin are so so so pretty?? Idk but these were the first two I thought of!! They have such soft, sweet visuals and I think usually in groups the official visuals are the ones with the “stronger” visuals? But once you get into the group more you start to notice that one member who’s like so so cute that you can’t believe they’re not officially labelled as a visual. 

the “not my bias, but is my bias”

Ummm probably @hwangminyeo! She’s like the member of the group that you first notice because of her visuals, and then you’re like semi-interested in that member and half keeping an eye on that member while you settle on a bias. And then once you get into the group more you find out that not only is she a visual but she also has such a cute personality? Like she’s more shy and dorky than you originally anticipated and then you fall for her double charms. (But you still gotta stay loyal to your bias lol)

the workout-aholic who basically lives in the gym and boy does it show

I’m putting Abby @hwangminyeo under here to because idk if she goes to the gym often or not but body goals 😭😭😭😭

the walking, living, breathing meme

@seonnho This is the one image I have of Jennie tbh… just one big meme (a cute one at that)!!! She makes the best textposts on her SVT blog. I love her sense of humor it’s just so…. relatable LOL. Is it because she’s a Seungkwan stan that she’s like this? It’s proven that Boo stans are the memest. I feel like she hasn’t made that many meme-y posts on here (or maybe I missed them :(( in which case I suck) but once she does 👀 Anyway I’ve talked to you like twice but I still love you c’:

I looked at the positions list before looking at Bonnie’s answers and thought Jennie would be perfect for this one and guess what… Bonnie’s already listed her LMAOOO PERFECT - Lillian

the one everyone has called “daddy” at some point

aaah no one I can think of because Daniel isn’t mutuals with us…… LOOOOL OMFG JUST KIDDDDDING (Lillian be like 😷😣🙏) Why did I even answer this one it’s so weird kfldjglkfdjgklfd

😷😣🙏 - Lillian

the ship that’s a hundred percent real and they know it

Is this even a question… @hwangminyeo and @minhwangs are the power couple!!! You always see them professing their love to each other on your dash LOL Romeong and Daliette are feeling threatened.

the short one that everyone is highkey afraid of

@minhwangs Sarah is a cutie but everyone knows that if you mess with her friends she’ll let you have it. She won’t hesitate to lash out at you if you dare insult the things and people she holds dear. So while she isn’t scary, she’s someone you don’t want to mess with once her protective side kicks in! But honestly it’s really sweet how even though she doesn’t let harsh words directed toward her bother her, she stands up for people ;___; She’s selfless that way!

the one that takes every opportunity possible to be extra as hell aka the variety king

@emperorhwangs Rui without a doubt is one of the funniest people here on Tumblr!! I love her sense of humor and even when she says the most random things like “a stick of rat deodorant” I just die laughing. I was contemplating between putting her for “the walking, living breathing meme” but I settled with this one because I associate her with Ong a lot! And we all know he’s the variety king so~ The captions in her gifs are the funniest and most extra ever, even the way she talks is super extra and funny.

the motherly one that takes care of the rest of their members and occasionally reprimands

@2hyeons Ying is more of an older sister type than the mom but she still gives off that caring vibe. She seems like the kind of sibling who barely talks to you because she’s stuck in her room all day doing work but she’ll also be there for you when you need it the most. Lowkey the kind of older sister who will call your cheating significant other over the phone just to scream at them and rat them out for hurting her little sibling loool. She’s more of an older sibling because while she takes care of you, she makes you want to take care of her too and cook her meals and check up on her once in a while to make sure she’s still sane c’:

@luminous-point Reni gives off such motherly vibes without even trying to idk why?? Not only because she’s 95 line! But she’s like your sweet hardworking mother (working hard doing translations 👍👍👍) who you always think of fondly whenever she appears on your dash. She always expresses her true feelings and stands up for what’s right, which is really difficult to do and as a result super admirable. She always has a very mature standpoint about things and avoids unnecessary drama. I feel like the dynamic is that we’re all little ducklings and she’s the mom!! But mom has to take care of herself too!!!

@p-arkwoojin and @minsbugi I put Jem & Kenia in this category because they’d make sure all the members are equally loved!! They both have huge hearts and no matter how many members make up their group(s), they’d take care of each and every one! - Lillian

the 4D member that looks cute in a sexy comeback, and sexy in a cute one

@hahasunqwoons! I think the ‘4D’ title really suits Summer even though she may not seem like it at first. But once she opens up to you, you’ll know what I mean looooool. She’s not 4D in the really wild sense but more of a lowkey kind of 4D (like Vernon!). Also I think she would fit both concepts! But she unintentionally shows reverse charms like in her Never dance cover (if you haven’t watched it yet, go watch it please. you won’t be disappointed), the song is more serious but she gives off a somewhat cute vibe! I think she could rock IOI’s Very Very Very as welllll :^) (future cover idea?)

the member who doesn’t have to worry about gravity bc they basically just flip everywhere

can’t think of anyone? :OOO

the extremely under appreciated one

ummm @kiminguy??? @guanlliver??? @lovebugi??? @wanhyun??? (Mutuals on here and our SVT blogs squad!! LOOL) I love all of them and their graphics to death I will literally make a blog and reblog all of their creations 50 million times like they deserve. Of course they all have such cute personalities dlkgjfdkj but I’ll spare you from my rambling and focus on their beautiful works~ Naomi has such soft, pastel graphics (pastels are one of my fave things in the universe) and she was one of my first favorite graphic makers in the Seventeen fandom back in the day. I followed her first and then when she followed me back I was SOOOO HAPPY OMG BC ONE OF MY FAVES NOTICED ME. Next we have Yasmin and although we haven’t talked much I really adore her graphics because they’re really unique! She uses vibrant colors and dark colors so well (a thing I’d like to learn how to do hehehe) AND also pastel graphics with vibrant coloring… a jack of all trades tbh. Next, there’s Jaymee, who I’ve been mutuals with forever on our SVT blogs but I never really got a chance to talk to until recently! (And she’s the sweetest…my one and only fan….LOOOL). Once again she works with both dark colors and pastel colors very well! Her edits and graphics have a minimalistic approach to them which I admire so so much because I always cram stuff onto a canvas and get bothered when there’s empty space in my graphics. Last but not least there’s IMA!!! My self-proclaimed little sister c’: I’ve known her for most of her time in the Seventeen tumblr community and I love seeing how her works changed over this period of time. But her works always have that special charm and uniqueness that you know right away that it’s her work! No one could imitate her style and pull it off! Inimitable seventeen carat hehe Ima always has a special place in my heart. I love her coloring style, I love her graphics style, I love her. But yea as you can tell I have much love for graphic makers and more especially underrated graphic makers! Graphic makers are a blessing to each and every fandom. Thank you.

also @tokkimingi​ like we’ve never talked before but Ale’s gifs and edits are soooo high quality and have the prettiest coloring and they deserve so so so so many more notes??? Like the Ren gifset I just reblogged….this is the kind of content that should receive 1k notes okay AAAAAH @ Ale, Lillian and I love your creations so much and you’re basically the go-to blog for NU’EST related gifs and stuff AAAAH 💕💕 

I AGREE WITH ALL OF THE ABOVE HOLY MOLY - Lillian

the one that finds pleasure in other members’ demise

I’m sure this goes on a lot when people tag each other in their bias wrecker posts cough when I send Bonnie black-haired Suga pics but I see @minhwangs​ and @hwangminyeo​ tagging each other in Daniel stuff sometimes and it’s so funny loool. I know you guys are Minhyun-biased but Daniel!!!!! - Lillian

[jungsdaily]

What if we were better then? When we were wrong?

The title of this post is the actual title of a single. It belongs to an independent band that you might not even know who they are but I knew. I may belong to a small group of fans that knew this band did exist. The single itself actually doesn’t represent the title, the lyric is redundant and doesn’t really tell what it means. Simply, it doesn’t have any correlation at all.

But it means something for me since I listen to this song because I knew someone from the band and guess what, he owns special place in my heart.

I originally not attracted to him at the first sight, our meeting was plain. Unlike the other guys I have told you here. I clearly remember that day, the first day of me starting internship in London. I thought this guy was the staff and I acted really polite until I found out he was also an internship student. Nothing special from him. He basically shut all day long, he barely said a single word.

Then like what I did to everyone I knew, I gathered information. I asked him few questions relating schools, parents, job, nothing special (again). I got enough information but I guess something is still missing. He didn’t disclose who really was but my gut told me that he is not ordinary. I started to develop a curiosity and I have to tell you that I’m good with stalking or deducting somebody’s background based on available information.

It was odd when he started his internship in the middle of the month, unlike me who has to start at the beginning of the month (and my other friend). It was weirder when he worked under the Chief not the manager, once again unlike me. Deducting from those facts, I thought his parents have some influence or power in the institution. But I didn’t look for his background that much then since my mind was to busy occupied by everything that went wrong that time.

Until someday, it was only me and him in the room. It was only both of us for two days and we started having conversation. Not the general one but more specific.

He started to ask me what I’m doing. And I answered either I worked on a task or write a blog. And I started to ask him what is his favourite music or movie.

“So tell me what’s your favourite music?”

“60s rock I guess,” and I listed the band I knew from that era because I also like rock music from old times.

“Beatles?”

“No. I don’t listen to them and they are not rock.”

“Guns n Roses? Metallica?”

“They came from 1980s.”

“Rainbow? Dream Theatre? Nirvana?”

“Nirvana is popular in 1990s.”

“Led Zeppelin?”

“Yes, I listen to some of their songs. Well I guess the artists that I listen to, you barely know it.”

“I guess so. Then, what kind of movie that you usually watch?”

“It depends on my mood. Basically I watch everything according to what mood I’m on.”

“No favourite?”

“Depends, I told you. But I like some kind of mind blowing movies like Stanley Kubrick’s, Scorsese, David Fincher.”

Here we go, finally I found the common ground. Then we talked a lot about movies.

Next day, we had another conversation and for the first time I involved in an argument with him. At first I told him that I’ve been to lots of places in UK and only Nottingham left. I said that I want to go to Nottingham where he studied.

“There’s nothing there. Why bother?”

“Are you sure? I mean there must be something.”

“I swear there’s nothing. You know that most of place that you’ve been before has similar layout? That’s how it is. City centre then surrounded by residential place, nothing else.”

“I agree with that but still it’s different. Like when you go to Europe, they may have similar ‘template’ I would say but the vibe is different, the people are different.”

“No, they are not. Compared to Indonesia, there’s no distinct differences.”

“I agree but can’t you feel? Londoners and people from Oxford are different.”

“Can you tell me how is it different?”

“I just feel it.”

“They are not. I don’t feel that way, neither do my friends. They think just like me. You are the only person who said that UK and Europe are different.”

“Because they are. Have you been around?”

“I have. And I see nothing, they’re all the same. You see if you come from Jakarta then go to Bandung, you’ll feel something else. Either it’s the people, the city, or the food. Same things go when you visit Bali or Semarang or Solo. See, Indonesian are distinct and that’s why I like it more.”

“I don’t know if it’s just me but I sense the unique vibe on each city. Yes they are all might look the same here but the people. Like in London, I’ve never been discriminated or something, they are all nice.”

“Have you been into villages? Those people are damn racist.”

“Really?”

“Yep, I’ve experienced once. Perhaps you need to go deeper and further.”

“Well, probably. But never once in my life I encountered such discrimination. Most people are nice to me, they are helpful. Even in London, that’s why I’m wondering why my friends keep telling me that London is bad.”

“When do you usually go? Day or night?”

“Both.”

“You are such a positive person. But it’s still the same.”

“Okay, I’ll just go with your opinion.”

Since that day I think I have different point of view towards him. I thought he’s unreachable person to talk to. Turns out he’s a nice person to build a conversation with. However I doubt my feelings, I ignore it. I didn’t think he’s special, he just what he is.

The only thing that hold me back to get attracted perhaps his smoking habit. I don’t like smoker and it’s my preference. For me smoking is not good for health and why bother poisoning one self slowly like that? Moreover smoking is dangerous for other people too. Instead of smoking tobacco why don’t you just smoke weed?

Well for me weed is better tho.

One day I asked him to join me and my friends to have lunch. And it made me sad that he wasn’t really satisfied with the place I recommend. No hard feelings, I told my self. He might just has his own preferences. Later on, we bumped to each other without me realised it. He touched my shoulder when I walked past through him, that was when I was busy talking with the guy who occupied my mind all the time. Later on I realised, he was there and I ignored him.

Suddenly I realised that it was too quick for me to let him go. Yes, it’s almost the time he finished his internship meanwhile I was still there continuing another month.

Two days before his last internship, there was an event organised by the institution we were working on. Nothing special occurred that day until we were told to get off. However he and my friend didn’t want to come home early. It was basically his idea. “What if we just hang out?” And yea we hung out.

We have no idea where to go because there’s no cafe or restaurant nearby and I was skint without quids. So we stopped by Leon. My friend looked for a table for us meanwhile I decided to order first and here he is, he ordered with me. Like you can order it later by yourself or with my friend but he chose to stand by me and looked at the menu displayed above.

“So what’s your recommendation?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never been here before. I saw Titus ate the burger or something few days ago and it looked delicious,” I hesitated.

“I see. What are you going to order?”

“I will just go with latte since I’m poor.”

“Okay.”

Things went awkward and I saved myself by ordering the latte and he ordered a burger. I just realised it today, he made a move and I wasted it. What a fool!

Or perhaps I just misinterpreted it today?

Later on we were gathering in the table and we discussed some things. Things that happened during the event, our future, what will we do next? To be honest, he barely engaged into the conversation, it was only me and my friend that speaking and he was just observing. Finishing meal, we decided not to stay longer but walk around Westminster. We went to Vauxhall bridge, they took some pictures, then we walked through south bank until we reach London bridge, the Parliament, and we stopped by the Westminster’s Pier. We sat on a bench across the Scotland Yard. For the first time I realised, Scotland Yard lies close to Westminster station, facing Thames River and the London Eye.

We sat, they smoked, I recorded the London Eye’s light followed by music thumping by the river.

“Send me the video, please,” Titus asked me. Then he asked me too, “I want the video too,” he said.

“But I don’t have your number.”

“Here,” he gave me his number. After I sent the video to them, I talked about the number. Like it means nothing once we go back because they will have different number. They are using UK’s number so It will be changed eventually once they return for good to Indonesia.

Titus told me not to worry because the Whatsapp feature will change the number automatically or something. In fact, my close friend’s number cannot be changed automatically.

Therefore I think I’ve missed my chance a lot.

Later when they finished smoking, we walked to the station. The time tells us to come home. It’s been a long evening we had and long conversation. Me and Titus head to same direction, actually. We could take a tube from Westminster station meanwhile he had to head to other direction. Somehow me and Titus managed to drag him go to Westminster station.

Without a clue and it was my mistake actually, he went with me taking Jubilee line instead of District line which was faster for him to stop by Embankment and change to Northern Line. Titus went off first, it was only me and him. We talked about our Europe Trip and once again I feel connected. Like we have been to similar places and he was so happy when he told me about his Europe Trip experience last summer, just like I did. I still remember the tone and his face when he shared his story with me, the excitement and the similar experience we had.

So he followed me to Jubilee line platform and I asked him where he lives, how he get to the place and et cetera. I gathered enough information once again but not enough to really understand him.

Once we step onto the train, we stood side by side. He was so tall that I have to look above, beside him I felt so small. So small and crumpled. It was awkward honestly, I didn’t feel comfortable because it was our first time stand so close like that. Then we managed to continue our conversation. Perhaps that was when I started to develop a feeling for him?

After two stations or three he went off and we said goodbye, I waved my hand.

We met again later on his last day internship, he was wearing batik. Nothing special that day, we don’t have assignments. I barely felt any sadness because he will be gone. In the evening, the sadness kicked in.

They shook the staffs’ hand to say goodbye and I followed them until we got stuck in front of the elevator meeting our supervisor. As usual the supervisor threw jokes especially for him. The supervisor acted as matchmaker, he kept saying a name and he didn’t seem comfortable with that. I was throwing the same joke, “Just say ‘Amin’ who knows the future?” I said to him. He didn’t say a word.

“Who knows that you’ll get married with that woman,” I continue. Then he said,”You won’t be invited then.”

There he goes. At a moment I was frozen and he shot me right. I think that’s where it all started, I like him.

My brain tried so hard to process what did he mean but I ignored it once again because I just didn’t want to get hyped by a simple meaningless word. Then I remember the day when we attended the event, the day before we headed to eat in Leon. He got the same joke and I said, “Why are you so plain about this?”

and he said, “I need to reply this message,” without looking at me. He stared on his phone. Then nothing goes beyond that.

That evening, the last day. When we took picture together, the sadness kicked in. I was regretting the time I had whilst he was there, never once I asked him to go out. I was regretting the time when I had the opportunity to gather as much information as I could but I didn’t do it.

After we met the staff and got lectured, we took off. Once again it was only me and him in the library and I would like to say goodbye one last time. I encouraged my self to ask him out, “Can we have dinner tonight?” He said he couldn’t because he already had a plan. And there’s no more after that because he has to stay with the Chief.

I wasted my opportunity.

“We forgot to take picture.”

“We did.”

“Only us three,” he said. He wanted to take picture only us three without the staff.

“That’s fine, there will be next time,” I said. Until today, there’s no next time for us.

For the last time, I didn’t want to miss my chance again. He asked me for a direction to go to his friend’s place and I was willingly help him. I accompanied him taking the tube and showed direction, I hope he got to his friend’s place safely. And that was the last time we met. “Turns out you’re such a nice friend to talk to. I thought you were a quiet person.”

“I am a quiet person,” he said.

Then there’s no conversation between us again. No rendezvous afterwards. And I just hang my feelings right there.

Even to text him “How are you?” I don’t have the guts.

There are lots of things I want to say to him like, “How’s your band? Are you making a new song? I will wait for it.”

or

“How’s your life has been going?”

Will it be too much for me to expect him meet me? Or it was just my delusions that he actually gave me opportunities while we were in London? To think about it again, I missed a lot because I was too focused on the other guy. I regret it now.

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: Midseason Thoughts

Happy New Year! The Buffalo Sabres game against the Florida Panthers tomorrow will be their 41st game. By my calculation that’s the halfway point of the season and I think my math skills are at least good enough for basic division. This landmark of the season had me thinking we ought to take a look at the season as whole here when we’re about halfway certain what it’s going to end up looking like. Yea, perhaps we can be a little more than halfway certain with our predictions at this point but just let me show off my basic math skills, ok? I initially started thinking about the grand scheme of things about this season back after the Sabres met the Leafs the first time at the start of December. True rivalry games like that always get me thinking. There is a lot more to digest about this season based on the first half than my most optimistic self would’ve thought in September. I remember predicting the Sabres would have a winning record in October like I was going out on a limb. The expectations clearly changed this season, early on two: like the first twenty odd something games it became clear the corner had finally been turned. There’s a lot to that and I will dive into some of the minutia of that in later thoughts but perhaps it’s wiser first to reflect. Before I started New Look Sabres I wrote hockey articles on and off for different outlets and even freelance like this. I have no writing degrees so my thoughts were encapsulated in slick declarative titles: 2013-2014 was the Dawn of the Tank, 2014-2015 was the War of the Tanks, 2015-2016 was the New Guard Rising, 2016-2017 was the lost season and 2017-2018 was… *shutters* … the trash season. Jack Eichel’s rookie year had its optimism as you can see but the seasons to follow showed the things wrong with the team needed fixing. Certainly not all those problems are fixed but what might this season be called? I feel that the first half of this season has already given us a pretty solid idea…

…2018-2019 is the Reclamation. The season the Sabres reclaimed not only relevance but the mantle of the minimum level of quality Sabres teams have had over the last forty nine years. Moreover, the Buffalo Sabres as a club reclaimed their fans: not just the diehards who look at draft rankings in January, the casual fans and the ones who just don’t want to be miserable watching hockey. The runner up name was the Found Money Season. That’s where my first thought starts. This team has turned a corner; they’re a playoff contender now. At least they acted like it in the first half. Expectations should remain there. Make the playoffs, please oh please make the playoffs; divisional or a more likely wildcard, just make it. Anything that happens beyond that is a gift; found money if you will. If the Sabres win a game there: excellent if they win a round, fantastic! If they get swept, okay whatever. I want to say this now not just to get ahead of crazy March and April sound bites but to remind us all not to sell the farm. The playoff race, the playoffs themselves and everything that comes before is a learning experience more than anything else. I would say some young guys on this team don’t know what the Stanley Cup playoffs are like but really it’s true with every member of the Sabres core including Jeff Skinner. Pominville is really your only guy who’s not a former Blue who can tell you about that. Bank points through the second half, make the playoffs and from there on out its whatever this season. No expectation past game 82 except learn. Learn what it means to be in the playoffs and play like it. The second half will be decisive if not for playoff positioning than simple team building. Not the roster building GMs do, no: Build Buffalo Sabres hockey. Learn it, and then teach us what it’s like. Playoffs are just proof of competitiveness, that’s all the Sabres need to prioritize right now on that front: growth in competitiveness.

They’ve found some kind of groove already this season but in the second half the Sabres need to lock down their style, their game, their groove and put it to the test in the playoffs against whoever they face. It seems cruel to use this phrase sometimes as a Sabres fan knowing what we’ve been through but we’re still in a building year. I am not going to be offended if Jason Botterill goes out and acquires a small piece or two but it better not be expensive and it better not be a rental. Reward these guys with a weapon that will be here a little while. Rental players you get for a playoff run or a season and a half rarely make the huge difference you want them to make. Reinforce the defense or shore up secondary scoring if you make a move. That’s how you’ll reward a Sabres team that turned it around this season. The Playoff window is just opening, the Stanley Cup window has not opened yet. Don’t buy a lot by selling futures when our focus is experience and growth as a team. So yes, reward them for what they’ve done with a cheaper move but don’t make the move that will be seen as demanding a deep run at the Cup. That rewarding the group is important in its own way. Maybe, although cheap wouldn’t be the word I use to describe it, that reward is signing Jeff Skinner since he wants to stay? Hmm.

My second thought I already touched on a little bit: it’s consistency. This Buffalo Sabres team is remarkably streaky and that’s fine when there’s enough wins in there to make it work but that’s not a habit of Stanley Cup teams. Consistently winning, or being damn close to it, requires not just one line action like we saw almost exclusively in December, but secondary scoring and a defensive core that contributes as well. Some of that you develop and call up in house but maybe, once again at a good price, you bring in a piece for the parts here that are not producing at all. My third point is a discussion of goaltending. The Carter Hutton-Linus Ullmark tandem has been top ten in this league in goals against and save percentage. Given where each of those guys is in their careers you expect a drop off at some point. That drop off has not come yet and any strategizing for it seems a little moot right now. That said, it would be good if Ullmark good get more starts in the second half. An 8-1-3 record in his 13 starts is safe enough a bet to trust him. Trust in him will build confidence and if he is the goalie of the future in Buffalo, which I truly believe he is, he needs that. Yea, he got pulled before the third in that one game, he’ll have his mistakes like any goalie does but I could not feel happier about the Sabres situation in net right now.

My fourth point: SIGN JEFF SKINNER! LOL, no that’s important but it’s not actually a midseason thought. No, I want to talk more generally about the season now; where we’ve been and where we’re going. The beginning of the season can really be thought of us as before and after Jeff Skinner got put on Eichel’s wing. After that 5-1 rout on the road against San Jose Phil Housley took a blender to the lineup and got some good results. Four wins came in the next eight games and then the next major phase of the Sabres season happened when everyone kicked into over gear and the ten game win streak hit. For three weeks the Sabres felt invincible beating teams like Tampa, Winnipeg and San Jose pulling in every Western New York Hockey fan that had since gotten tired of Sabres sorrows. The five game skid that followed the win streak wasn’t as bad as it felt and the wins came back although Buffalo is still in a post-win streak hangover from a standings perspective barely playing .500 hockey since the big one. From here on out the road map to the playoffs is simpler than seven years outside the playoffs might lead you to believe, at least until the end of January. It’s banking points, particularly in Western Canada before the bye week late in January, before suiting up for a stretch run in February and March that only sees two breaks of more than two days. The back half will be a crucible after the bye week and there will be teams, even ones not names Boston, Montreal or the Islanders, who will give you fits and make you work for that playoff berth we’ve all been dying for.

This blog is going to change a little bit in the second half of the season as well. Hopefully it won’t be a crucible to get through but I am making myself think harder for my comedic bits starting now. Instead of the burn book for all our reasons to hate divisional rivals in those games, each game against an Eastern Conference opponent will feature a bit on what facing them in the first round of the playoffs would mean. This will be understandably silly against some opponents like Ottawa and New Jersey but it should be fun. Some programming notes: seasons for this blog will revolve around the post season. The blog season ends when the Sabres are eliminated from contention for Lord Stanley’s Cup whether that be March *shutters* or early May. The blog season will formally end with a 2018-2019 Season retrospective followed by a break before the draft that may or may not see some kind of “Playoffs according to the Sabres” and or another Schedule breakdown depending on when that releases. If you care enough about the blog to read through that then thank you, I wish you had cared enough to drop me a comment or two going into this but I’m not bitter: it’s a super chill hockey blog, I don’t expect my writing here to attract deep thought. That said, deep thoughts appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. I want to signal boost the opinion that if the Sabres do not make the playoffs in 2019 then Phil Housley’s job should be at stake. A collapse great enough to ruin the 11 point lead on a playoff spot they had in November is already well in progress. Lots of hockey left but there’s the objective.

[aliceellablog]

Can’t really think of a title for this one... awks...

Hello blog readery people :) So it’s Saturday afternoon and I’m not gonna lie I’m in a bit of a weird mood, kind of an in-between mood… am I happy? Meh… am I sad? Meh… I don’t even know anymore…. I can tell you one thing though, I have been SO EMOSH!!! - I am in the process of coming off my antidepressants which I’ve been on for 14 years and it’s naaaaat been easy. I’ve cried freakin’ rivers, ok, probably puddles- but hey theres a lot of water in a puddle!! - and I have also laughed like, a lot. It’s like I can feel everything so much deeper than before, and I’m still not sure if I am doing the ‘right’ thing or not…. it’s like, do I keep taking a chemical that affects my brain and dulls all my feelings a bit and makes it harder to cry... or do I FEEL everything but maybe get some of the highs back too?!?! Time will tell eh!!

So my last two weeks has been pretty good I guess :) Can’t complain too much… although I’m sure that’s basically what I’m about to do! ;) I’ve had a few great writing sessions beginning of the week including one with Reece who is mega awesome!! We wrote and recorded a topline for a proper coooool song- thing is, we were both so sure we nailed it, and it’s a song I’ve had stuck in my head ever since and feel it’s SO strong, but we didn’t get the bloody cut did we!!! :( 

It’s such a shit industry, where you just constantly do your best work and put hours and days and weeks (sometimes years!) into songs and send them off to usually not even get a response, or to get a ‘no’, and then you’ve just gotta pick yourself right back up and do it over again, and again until one day (please for the love of god) you get a yes! And even then I’ve had ‘yes’s back which then haven’t actually happened…. It’s cool though I’m sure we will use what we wrote on another song but it’s just that constant rejection that makes you doubt if you’re any good or if you should bother again- but of course I do! I have to! Even when it’s a ‘no’ I love writing songs more than anything and am pretty damn determined!!!!

Mid week I had a few meetings with some people I have been potentially thinking of working with - I think they went pretty well, but again I am never quite sure wether to mention my health or just cross that bridge if and when…. I usually just see what the vibe is and on this occasion the guy I met with actually told me all about his health issues so I went for it! You never know who is suffering what and we seemed to bond over this so that was good!

I had a few admin days and days of resting but then had a mega awesome night on the Thursday! A good friend of mine who works in publishing invited me down to ‘Fekky’s album listening party- he is a well known rapper signed to Universal & Island Records and it was an industry event so I had to go!!! I had all the usual worries… will there be a queue to get in, will there be anywhere to sit, what if I feel too ill and have to go home bla bla bla, but all worked out SO well!! I got a bus all the way there (massive win for me legs!!) and then the night went without a hitch. I met so many great industry people and got lots of email addresses!!! I have of course done all me follow up emails and really hope something comes of it! It was also great to meet Fekky and hear the album- not totally the kind of music I am ‘into’ but genuinely really enjoyed it :) And great to catch up with Ben too! GOOD PEOPLES!!

The next day was a rest day and then in the evening it was one of my best friend Katie’s birthday dinner. I felt so shite. I’d almost cancelled a few times but pulled it together and was sure I could get through it, but for me it basically sucked balls. I’d been in tears because I’d felt so unwell all day and on the way there but was not going to turn up crying at someone elses birthday thang!! (Even I wouldn’t do that ;)  So I got there and I smiled. I really tried to smile lots, but when people asked me how I was I had to change the subject as I literally couldn’t talk about anything to do with me without bursting into tears. MAJOR AWKWARD. 

My best friends who I live with were all there and all I wanted to do was tell them how gutted I was feeling and collapse in a heap on the floor and cry my eyes out - and I really do mean gutted- heartbroken- I get into this place of utter despair quite quickly, as though my life is completely over and not worth living and that I just can’t do it anymore, and like no-one understands. I think it was brought on because I’d had such a great night the night before and made all these great contacts and then had woken up feeling so ill that I was in bed / on the sofa all day, and so it was like, what’s the point of me even going to that event and networking if I can’t even really function the day after - how am I meant to live the lifestyle of a singer / songwriter when I have to rest all the bloody time - ok so just writing that sentence has made me well up….  I just can’t put into words how much I want to be well enough to follow my dream and work at it every day. I know I should be grateful that I managed to go to that event in the first place…. But it’s just not enough. Ugh, anyway… I got through the dinner part of it but then had to leave. They were drinking and having fun and it was like being on a diet sat with ALL the cakes in-front of you. 

I could’t sit and watch them- I’m sure this sounds so bitter- ofcourse I am so glad that Katie had a lovely birthday and of course I want my friends to all be happy but I obviously have major jealousy issues!!! So I said my goodbyes and they were all very sweet to me and I left. As soon as I got out of the door I phoned my poor mum and sobbed down the phone. I could hardly breathe I had been holding it in for so long! I had a complete crying panic attack at kings cross station but luckily mumma bear was on the end of the phone to make everything that little bit better. I spoke to her and my wonderful step dad for about half an hour and they kind of got me to just focus on one thing at a time, like getting home, getting to bed, and what I had to do the next day…. Which just so happened to be a gig day- probably also why I felt so panicked about everything!!

The next day was like I say, gig day- The only money I have coming in at the moment is function gigs, so weddings, birthday parties, cooperate events etc and I really do love them….. but never really feel well enough to enjoy them!! However, this one went pretty well! I took my lil’ gigging stool with me as my legs just get too painful if I stand up on stage the whole time. And what with a mix of determination and adrenaline I got through the gig. 

Then the Sunday was spent in bed all day - I couldn’t even get out of bed to pee until about 4pm…which probably aint good for ya!! Sorry…. TMI!!! But I was SHATTERED… so ordered takeaway and did utter nothing all day :) - At least I felt like I’d done something to deserve this rest though :)

The next week was again a mixture of resting days and meetings, oh and a Crohns flare up I think…. I know I only really talk about my M.E. on here, but I guess I should try and be a bit more open about my Crohns… my bowels certainly are ;) (see what I did there) hahaha… but Yea, I’m not gonna go into too much detail don’t worry… but last week really did have a fair few ‘moments’ where I really fucking hated my silly silly body and what very random situations it had gotten me into….. I had a little op a few months ago and am getting all the results etc next week when I see my Crohns specialist… so fingers and legs crossed she can help!! I’m sure I’ll let ya know ;)

Then I went home to Sussex these last few days to see my cat, mum and stepdad (in that order!! Haha - JOKING) and go to the dreaded dentist!! Ahhhh!!! - it actually went ok but I do have to have a filling (woi oi) in a few weeks so I will be bloody terrified then!!  Is ANYONE ok about going to the dentist? Please do tell me…..nah didn’t’t think so!!

Right… I’m gonna go and paint flamingos on my nails now - as you do! Oh I haven’t mentioned it yet- tomorrow is our yearly house party so I am sooooo looking forward to it! I am praying to the M.E. gods that I am well enough to enjoy it at least for a bit!! So I’ll tell you all the #clubtropicana (party theme) goss next time!! Let’s see if I can get away with having one drink!! Maybe even two! Ah!

- Please do feel free to get in touch if you want to- I will reply ASAP and LOVE hearing from you guys! You are all wonderful and having this support network means a lot :) We can get through all these shitty times together right?? Right!! ;) xxx Mwa xxx

[i-smile-so-i-must-be-fine]

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? i don’t have a specific amount of songs i listen to more than others they’re usually on shuffle 

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? either Demi Lovato or Margot Robbie

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. don’t have a book close to where i’m sat

4: What do you think about most? my girl.. but it also varies on my mood 

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? was a personal text so not saying 

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? i sleep in a t-shirt and underwear 

7: What’s your strangest talent? don’t consider it a talent but i have very flexible fingers 

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? no

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? can’t even remember 

11: Do you have any strange phobias? no 

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? i used to stick stones up my nose so they would bleed so i could get out of class as they made my nose bleed 

13: What’s your religion? atheist 

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? either going get buses and trains to see my girl.. walking the dog.. going to the shop.. or smoking 

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? don’t really have a favourite 

17: What was the last lie you told? “i’m fine” is the main one i use 

18: Do you believe in karma? sometimes 

19: What does your URL mean? that people believe a smile and thinks your fine 

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? weakness - not been able to say no to my girl  strength - loyal  

21: Who is your celebrity crush? Demi Lovato and Margot Robbie 

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? no 

23: How do you vent your anger? i get snappy.. and then take it out on my self when i’m alone 

24: Do you have a collection of anything? key rings 

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? depends who its to 

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? meh i’m not happy with my self in general 

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? i hate the sound of people biting their nails  love - dunno theirs quite a few things 

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? what if that one thing didn’t happen 

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? ghosts yea.. aliens i’m not really sure about 

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. right arm - my phone and ipod  left arm - can of coke, lamp, tv remotes, my pills, a snow globe, my ipad 

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? my air freshener 

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? dunno tbh 

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? west 

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Braiden Barrie 

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? not quote figured it out 

36: Define Art. art is whatever your feeling and it can be interperated in many different ways 

37: Do you believe in luck? kinda ish 

38: What’s the weather like right now? sunny 

39: What time is it? 7pm 

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? no currently not able to.. but when i was able to do driving lessons i tried to crash into a tree and also drove over a roundabout 

41: What was the last book you read? the last one i actually completed was rose and rosie oversharing.. can’t remember the title of the book that i’ve read a bit of but don’t currently have the concentration to finish 

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? yea 

43: Do you have any nicknames? a few 

44: What was the last film you saw? annabelle comes home 

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? broken shoulder (got hit by a car).. and i’ve also torn all the ligaments in my ankle.. i still get the pain from the both to this day since i didn’t follow doctors order and let them heal properly 

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? no i hate them 

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? not that i can think of 

48: What’s your sexual orientation? lesbian 

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? story of my entire school life 

50: Do you believe in magic? kinda 

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? yea 

52: What is your astrological sign? virgo 

53: Do you save money or spend it? both 

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? a pack of cigarettes 

55: Love or lust? love 

56: In a relationship? absolutely 

57: How many relationships have you had? a few

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no 

59: Where were you yesterday? took my child to the park 

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? theres a perfume box thats pink a few steps away from me 

61: Are you wearing socks right now? yea 

62: What’s your favourite animal? tiger 

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? i have no idea.. but i’m lucky i’ve found the person that does 

64: Where is your best friend? my girl is my best friend so she’s currently in hospital 

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

66: What is your heritage? not really sure 

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? on facetime 

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? no idea 

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? maybe 

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? maybe 

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? save the dog.. and explain to the boss what happened and hope i wouldn’t get fired 

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? A - i’m not really sure if i would tell anyone as i wouldn’t want to try save me  B - spend it with the people i love the most  C - i’d be afraid of leaving my kid behind (5 year old) and also my girl 

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. there is no love without trust 

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Stitches - shawn mendes  lucky to know you - Braiden Barrie 

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 5808

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? trust, loyalty, communication, commitment, respect, be able to have serious conversations and be able to joke around with them 

77: How can I win your heart? already taken so you can’t 

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? to an extent 

79: What is the best decision you have made in your life so far? keeping my child - despite how much i hate his sperm donor  getting with my girl 

80: What size shoes do you wear? depends on the brand  adidas - 6 (even though i’ve just had to re order some in a bigger size) Nike - 7  Vans - 6  Converse - 6  and i have superdry boots but not sure on the size 

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? finally fucking dead 

82: What is your favourite word? don’t have one 

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. beats 

84: What is a saying you say a lot? don’t really have one 

85: What’s the last song you listened to? celine dion - dance with my father 

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? red, blue, black 

87: What is your current desktop picture? the quote “love is louder than the pressure to be perfect” 

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? if i could do it to three people then.. my kids sperm donor, his cunt of a wife, and my girls ex 

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i hate telling people how i’m really feeling 

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? let them do what they gonna do 

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? invisibility 

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? difficult to choose between 2.. so the first one would be making sure my ex wasn’t in theatre whilst having a c-section and having my mum with me  and the second one meeting my girl for the first time and not been scared to ask her out in person or kiss her bye 

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? what my ex did 

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Demi Lovato 

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Greece

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? not that i’m aware of 

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? yea 

98: Ever been on a plane? a few times 

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? sort your shit out 

[the-dyslexic-blogger]

Me Myself and i....Oh and the rest. 13/06/20

There are multiple of me. 

So the title might confuse some no one still really knows about this condition but I have DID or Dissociative identity disorder I have four alternative personalities which all represent a part of my life its hard having DID especially when one of your alters is a two-year-old.

There are some trigger warnings towards self-harm suicidal mentions eating disorder mentions, with a side of abuse mentions ooh and also sprinkle of sexual assault. WOOHOO, that sounds like a fun one a walk in the park.. .ohh there might be ducks...ill get some bread...

Having DID is weird when you can zone out, and one of your alters can take control over everything you do and say you can zone out in the kitchen and zone back in and you could have destroyed a whole city and blew the world up and be butt naked in front of thousands of people (that was a good afternoon).

I am joking for disclaimer usage.

But there you go I said it I have DID. I haven't wanted to admit it, but I have currently four alternative personalities so five people in me head 

I will talk about the alters and what they represent I will talk about them and use images that my friend drew of them he is the only one that knows.

I have Stripe, Blue, Cody and Eliza they all live in my head and like… (SENTENCE BEGAN DRUNK, MAYBE FINISH LATER?)

Stripe

He represents my depression and suicidal thoughts. He will very often take over and cut me. It's horrible I can be doing a normal thing and then boom he takes over he is a lot like me, but he looks like a demon his red glowing eyes are staring at me right now I wish he'd fuck off. He and Eliza are both bad alters that try to hurt and kill me multiple times. Stripe has taken over and gone on walkies and self-harmed he talks to me most the day lingering over my shoulder telling me I'm better off dead and he is the reason for all of my impulses. It's hard having DID I've said that thousands of times now but it is, okay? I hate it. I wish I never had it. He makes a good impression of me. He's a demon who can fly.

One time he took overtook one of my knives and cut my arm, my friend walked in and stopped it, he tried to walk away from it like nothing had happened. Still, he didn't get away with it as my friend took it away and hugged me until I retook control he's been a part of me for years now I don't remember exactly when I developed my DID, but I think it must have been since I was about 16 so there you go. Four years.

A lot of the time his high pitched squeal penetrates my ears with his whispers of 'you're not good enough' and 'your friends hate you' his claws dig deeper onto my shoulder and grips me harder every time I don't listen to him, and all I'm left with is the shadow of the sheer guilt taking over my whole life.

He looks like a demon he has a stripe all down the middle of his body, and his eyes sometimes glow in the night he says a lot of stuff things he knows will hurt me. He has horns on his head and is constantly trying to get me to cut myself and convince me that I need to feel the relief and pain while the blade kisses my skin and slices my wrists up. He stops me doing things I enjoy like, for example, musical theatre there was this person there who was a snake. He always said she's going to do it again you're going to be sexually assaulted again if you go outside.

I asked what the person that knows about this and what they said it is like when Stripe takes over:

"When Stripe takes over, it's very creepy. I can look in the eyes of my best friend, someone I love, and it's not them in that head. It's someone… something else. Stripe usually tries to pretend to be Dino, but he never expresses any emotion except hate, which is how I know its not my Dino in there. He never says stuff like "love you" or even "I'm alright". He's a dickhead basically."

Eliza

She's a lot like Stripe, but she represents my eating disorders she also doesn't like it when I'm happy she's around a lot when my eating disorders are present she's a skinny demon her ribs are present like she wants me to be she dislikes people who like me and she doesn't think I deserve my friends or my food she's not a good alter and she works with Stripe they work closely together and try to take me down, so I drown in a massive wave of depression and suicide unable to breathe under the weight of living and the weight of my shitty past. So again, all I want to feel is the sweet relief of the pain that they make me think I deserve.

Eliza only recently came back as taking over, so the person does not know anything about her really has never experienced her first hand.

I realized at this point of the blog that I can't add pictures to blogger or tumbler so funnn I'll add my YouTube channel where I will post pictures of them there.

Another update as I'm editing I will upload it when I have a chance.

Cody

He is the protector of my alters he comes out to protect me he's kind caring he took over when terrible events happened in my life he represents my creative side he is also my anxiety the part of me that feels anxious. He doesn't do what Stripe does and make me anxious, but he is forced to feel anxious. He takes over a lot when I'm doing coding or feel very anxious that it's overwhelming. He's friendly and looks after my other alter a lot Blue who is two.

He has only recently come back he was a part of my life in college but when Stripe came in Stripe killed a lot of my alters, and he was the only one left hence why I fell into a deep depression at that point, and Cody went.

Cody enjoys coding drawing music I gave up drawing as I believed I was shit I still do but oh well when Cody takes over that doesn't matter so drawing it is then. He takes over when he feels I'm in pain mentally, or in danger from myself, he cares a lot about me and others.

Cody is again a demon but a nice one, of course, he always is listening to music or drawing or wrestling a two year old oops. Still, he has made friends with a lot of my friends without them knowing his voice is slightly different to mine. He is anxious but very chill at the same time he has never hurt me or anyone he took over when the most traumatizing events have happened to me to save the wrath of the trauma train crashing as there was an overwhelming amount of trauma. Hence, he took some of the wrath for me to save destruction. So in a way, me and Cody share the same trauma, and we can relate even though he's in my head.

It's quite funny sometimes I forget people cannot see them so ill say to my friend 'hey look over there at one of my alters, and they have to remind me that he's not really well to them but are in my head they feel so real.

Here is what my friend said about Cody…….

"Cody is a really cool friend. When we are texting, he usually lets me know if it's him, and in-person he has a slightly different, more chilled-out voice than Dino, even when he is anxious. He also has a cool necklace on a leather cord that Dino never wears, but Cody likes to put on when he takes over. He always calls me "bro" and he's just a really nice wholesome guy, a lot like Dino to be fair, but they're very clearly different people."

                              Blue

Okay so here we go blue is a two year a lot alter shes hyperactive and energetic she is called blue because when she first started to emerge, I used to just laugh and be unable to talk or anything so being a computer nerd, I named her blue after the Blue screen of death every ICT students nightmare…*shivers*

So yeah that's how she got her name, and oh yea did I mention she can set things on fire… well yeah, she can she sets Stripe on fire a lot shes scared of him, but sometimes she gets the courage and will not hesitate to set him on fire…and her attention span oh looks a tree where was  I forgot? Oh yeah, attention span she doesn't have one. I think she's incapable of having one she is very close to my friend and also Cody my other alter I talked about him above unless you lazy bugger have skipped down to this bit then you don't know but find out read above.

But yeah that's blue.

Here is what my friend said about Blue….

"Blue is ADHD as in she is the personification of ADHD. She's a really cute little two-year-old, but she doesn't have any concept of consequences for her actions, and no impulse control so she can be tricky to manage, especially when she's excited. We recently got her a pacifier to suck on and she always tries to get it as soon as she's in control. She's also obsessed with balls, so we got her a big, yellow bouncy ball too. Me and Dino spent hours building a fort once, which Blue managed to completely demolish in about five seconds. Her response was to say "oops" laugh her ass off, and then giggle "bye-bye" with a massive, very proud grin, and collapse, leaving Dino to wake up and be very, very confused about what the fuck was going on. As difficult as she can be to manage (she's a two-year-old with the strength of a twenty-year-old, it's a fight to keep her from tearing the building apart) she is a really, wholesome, and adorable little kid. I love Blue very, very much, and she actually calls me "Dada" which is pretty cute."

So there you go my alters. Welcome to my brain there are five people in my head including me it gets crowded sometimes and annoying when you're trying to rest, and all you can hear is a two year a lot screaming ball every 5 seconds, but they are apart of me, and I would not change them for the world well maybe stipe and Eliza but at the same time they make me who I am today they are me in my head they are my personality.

DID is a strange mental illness to have its strange to have five people in my head anytime another could emerge I used to have more but Stripe killed them I had Rosie and mae. Rosie was like blue and mae was like Cody, but they aren't there anymore who knows they might be hiding like Cody did I kind of hope so I miss mae she was based off of a character out of a night in the woods I do miss her but oh well.

So there you go another blog of reasons I should be institutionalized  because I am a danger to myself and could kill myself at any given moment.

Disclaimer that's a kinda joke…… mostly ……90%......... Nah……….99%... #Mentally unstable...fun.

Stay strong you bootiful bean.

Love you 

Dino the Dyslexic Blogger xxx

 Some helpline as usual for DID

Nhs https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/dissociative-disorders/

This morning (I know I know but it looks helpful… don’t judge me) https://www.itv.com/thismorning/dissociative-disorders-helplines

Mind- https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/dissociation-and-dissociative-disorders/dissociative-disorders/

Survivors network https://survivorsnetwork.org.uk/resource/dissociative-identity-disorder-d-i-d/

[akokosblog-blog]

We need your views on "What I learnt From Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich" on Akoko's Blog. Pls Comment below, Like and Share.

What I learnt From Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich

Think And Grow Rich is a 1937 self-development book by American, Napoleon Hill but was suggested by Andrew  Carnegie who was a very wealthy business magnate. The book which was published in 1970 sold over 100 million copies by 2015 and it is still ranked one of the top ten best-selling books about success roughly about 70 years after.

Why is the book so valuable? The book is claimed to be the result of more than twenty years of research of people who have been very wealthy. Napoleon Hill studied these men and developed principles that can easily be followed if you want to attain as much wealth as these men.  If you have not read it, then you should. But before you do, let’s discuss what I personally learned from the book:

Think And Grow Rich which has 238 pages is an easy read which interviews almost 500 wealthy men in history: John. D. Rockafella, Henry Ford, J.P Morgan, Thomas Edison; the list is plenty sha!

Desire:

The first chapter which is titled ‘Desire’ easily makes the reader realize that the starting point to accomplish anything of importance is desire. Without first having a desire, man would not be active.  I mean, if you do not have a desire to eat, I doubt you would leave your house as early as 5 am, get into Lagos traffic that is if care is not taken you may grow white hair in, and then tolerate an annoying and insensitive boss, would you? I seriously doubt.

However, the book does not speak of desire on the surface level. That is, it is not mere wishing but a burning, intense desire.

Faith:

After having this burning desire, you must, however, believe that the subject of your desire is attainable. I was in a business seminar one time when the speaker who had traveled to Dubai and met the King who had supervised the building of a seaport in a desert, had said that there is nothing the mind can hold that the eyes cannot.

This part is very important and the author attributes present conditions, whether successful or unsuccessful, to how much faith we possess in our desires.

Autosuggestion:

This is not a principle in itself but a manner of strengthening the faith we have in both our abilities to attain our object of desires and our desires themselves. It includes constantly telling ourselves positive things. However, it is more specific. Assuming one desire is to become a medical doctor, by constantly suggesting to himself that he would become a doctor soon, the desire suddenly becomes realizable and not so unattainable. This particularly makes sense and it may be basic psychology:

Growing up, we realize that we believe what most people say about us. We believe them so much that they form our core personalities. If somebody we love and respect tells us we are ugly constantly, we then feel ugly and then become ugly. If they tell us we are beautiful on the other hand, we feel beautiful and then become beautiful. What is the difference between other people telling us things and we telling ourselves, Think And Grow Rich makes it clear?

Specialized Knowledge:

I call this practical knowledge. We go to school, especially secondary school, to gain general knowledge. The only importance of general knowledge is to point us in the direction of practical or specialized knowledge. Tertiary Institutions are meant to give this type of knowledge but we live in Nigeria so…

Specialized knowledge involves practical problem-solving skills: how to fix a leaking pipe, how to make a TV work and blah blah blah. However, it goes deeper than this. It involves bringing all our experiences; the hurt, the pain, the moment of happiness, and putting them into a very useful process that helps us become valuable to our society. Makes sense? For instance, how does a musician put all of his experience into telling his story with his music? How does an artist make his/her audience see his experiences through his art? How does a technician solve technical problems so that his personality exhumes from his endeavors? Yea that is the point exactly.

General knowledge is not designed to make anyone successful or rich. It only makes you understand your environment. This is the main reason why first-class holders in Nigeria still end up broke; not necessarily because the Government is dysfunctional; because in Universities in Nigeria, we still deal with general knowledge. Remember #lazynigerianyouths.

Imagination:

Think And Grow Rich helped me understand that my desires are formed in the mind with the help of my emotions. However, we need to develop these desires. Desires are the ‘what’, we would need the ‘how’! The author makes us realize that this is the main purpose of our imaginations. We can easily use our imaginations to solve problems if we know how to develop it for that purpose. Again, this is not mere wishing, but imagining for the main purpose of bringing into reality. By creating visual pictures of the things we yearn to attain, we would consciously or unconsciously build our reality around the images our mind holds. This is why I hold this to be a truth:

Our desires are mostly vague and it is difficult to express them without attaching them to images. When we constantly create images around our desires, we find that we are more inspired. And when we are inspired we see ourselves pursuing these images and trying to make them into reality. Here is a real-life example:  Beyonce recently headlined Coachella, a long time music festival in the US. It was such a huge success that the management of Coachella dubbed the festival s ‘Beychella’. In the event, Beyonce announced to an over-250,000 audience that she was supposed to have had this performance last year but she could not. This is because she was pregnant with her twins, Rumi and Carter Junior. However, she announced that that did not stop her determination. She could not headline the show, but she could dream of how she wanted the show to be. She did this for a year, and according to reports, when she was fit enough to perform, employed a 100-team of dancers. She also rehearsed 11 hours a day. Do you see how our imaginations can inspire us into creating the realities we always dream of?

We can use our imagination in two ways, according to the book: re-arranging existing concepts and ideas in ways that they form new ones, and to create something out of nothing.

Conclusions

So, Guys, these are the lessons I learned from Napoleon Hills’ best-seller, Think And Grow Rich. Funny, these are not all to learn from the book. The author still wrote about decision-making, organized planning, building confidence, and mastering the mind. The book is a practical guide to attaining your dreams, and if you love self-improvement, then this book is a must-have. Read it and also share your lessons with us.

Thanks and Ciao!!

[fultas01]

Hellllo Reader,

Hi Mom, I’m still alive! Today we are talking about the long trek towards the end of the school year. I have talked a little bit about what teaching has been like for me. So this blog post is going to talk a little bit about what teaching has been like for me, as well as what I have been up to in Moldova for the last few months, when teaching English has been my main focus.

You may be looking at the title of this blog post and wonder where it comes from. What does a second semester have to do with an 80s movie? Well, sometimes I felt like each of the characters throughout this semester, and I would love for my life to be directed like a John Hughes film. I can say that I felt I like all of these characters, from my stern efforts to make sure students paid attention and that no one used their cellphones in my class, to being perceived as a princess because of where I’m from. I have felt misunderstood like everyone of the characters, and I have had dance parties too. I might expand on these feelings throughout this blog post, so I’ll leave this here and get into the actual post.

After Christmas break (and my travels to Budapest, Prague, and Brasov) I returned to school, ready to begin the send half of the school year. I began this semester a little more wary than I had been at the beginning of the year, but still ready to get knee-deep in changing things, and improving my students’ English. However, with the second semester came a bunch of new commitments. The first of which came at the end of January (maybe a week or so after I school had just begun again), where I had a week long engagement in Chisinau to learn about Project Development. I went on this trip with a partner from my school, and we came back super excited about the projects that we were considering for our school. With this little break it was a little hard for me to be aware of what my students were doing in our classes. I had basically taken off a month, so getting back in the swing of things was harder than expected.

Along with that, I began preparing for different events that would take place for me in February and ended up spend 3 out of 4 weekends in Chisinau. Which, is not my village, in fact it is very far from my village. So, for most of my Fridays and Sundays I spent time on rutieres going between the two places that I spend my time. I thankfully did not have classes on Fridays, giving me the opportunity to check-in with my school to see if I could help with anything before heading to Chisinau to work on these different projects. Along with this time spent working on projects I also worked with my teachers to try and come up with new things to do with the students and keep them interested in English as the year continued. We began trying different media types (bringing in music, and short videos) as well as powerpoints, changing the policy for our tests, and creating different test forms to discourage cheating (did it work? kind of…)

February was a blur to me. I began working on a project with my school to renovate the library (which later changed to creating a kind of student center for students to prepare for lessons in). I also began talking with my English teachers to see if they wanted to do a grant to buy more English language resources. Outside of these projects, I also had work with two of the Volunteer committees that I’m a part of (I am on the Volunteer Information Committee or VIC, and I am working with the GLOW camp and clubs of Moldova). Both committees had activities that they needed to do in this month. Sooooo, I was busy thinking about extra-curricular activities and can’t remember what I taught (or if I taught) the entire month.

One of the things I remember fondly about February from school was the Valentine’s day school festival. Where students prepared dances, skits, poems, and other fun things for us to watch that day after lessons. Then they were able to have a school dance to celebrate the day. I spent that time hanging out with one of my partner teachers and talking about some of the differences between American celebrations and Moldovan celebrations of Valentine’s day and Drago-bete (I misspelled this, because I only ever say dragobete, I never write it).

After the craziness that was February came March. Another busy month during the weekends, as I was working with other people and putting different projects together. However, I was able to focus on teaching more in March. This focus showed me that students really are the same everywhere. My students were ready for the end of winter, and they were ready for another break from school. While some of my younger grades were flourishing (my second graders learned ‘Happy Birthday’ which was adorable), my middle schoolers were dropping like flys. Out sick, skipping class, and if they were in class they weren’t paying a whole lot of attention, this has been the month of March and beyond with my middle schoolers.

Not to say that they are all this way, however, there is definitely a majority of my students who shut down in the second half of the year. And this shut down is what made me feel like the Breakfast club. As I was teaching the younger grades I felt cool and welcomed, but with my middle schoolers I oscillated between acting like the mean principal and the absent parents from that movie. Some days I worked really hard to get their attention either through bribery or through a tough stance, while other days I just said that it wasn’t worth the fight. (Not very teacher-like attitude, but I know many a teacher who just have to wash their hands of a certain day and move on. It happens).

In this second half of the school year also came sickness. Sickness for me, for my host family, and for my school. Many students would be absent at different intervals and the same could be said about many of the teachers who either fell ill themselves or had to stay home with a sick kid. And as you can imagine, dear reader, that this puts stress on a school. And Moldova is not like the US where we can call in a substitute teacher to cover a class. No, when a teacher is sick or missing, other teachers are pulled to cover those classes. And that meant that for me, I ended up teaching alone more often than I would have liked. It was an easy choice to pull one of my partner teachers to teach a different class, while I would continue an English lesson by myself. It would mean that very little would be lost in either class. Unfortunately, many of my students took this to mean a free period for them and I had to fight to get things done. Some classes were better than others, but for the most part, I don’t think I ever got better at teaching these kids alone. I think I have a better understanding of what I would do if I have to teach alone in the next school year, but I still would really prefer not to.

A celebration in March that I attended was. International women’s day. This wasn’t a celebration at the school, since the school was closed for the day. Instead this was a celebration put on at the Casa de Cultura (translates to the House of Culture, these are in almost every village, and in every raion and city). This celebration had dancing, singing, and lots of flowers given to the women that had come. While after a couple hours of sitting in uncomfortable seats and listening to singing and poems in Romanian I was exhausted, it was still a very sweet thing. I had to explain that in the US International Women’s day isn’t really celebrated. So, points to Moldova for making every woman feel important and celebrating an international holiday better than Americans. America, take notes.

April, oh April. We had another break in the month of April, this one was a week long break for Easter, and the week before the break, one of my classes just didn’t show up. We talked to their class master (home-room teacher), but nothing really came of it. And that class’ attendance stayed low to non-existent for the remainder of the school year. While this frustrated me, it became obvious that most of the students did not plan on continuing on studying English, so they thought why bother? As a volunteer, I had no power over this, and just started bring a book or something to occupy my time with during this class. I would sit in the classroom and try to talk with anyone if they did attend class.

Also during April my projects fell through, it was a problem with communication. I hardly ever saw my partner on our projects, and I had very little confidence in my abilities to communicate in Romanian. If I could avoid speaking it for a day, I would. This lack of communication brought along some problems between me and the staff. Leading me to feel more like John Bender from the Breakfast club, arguing with the principal and making things worse by not being cooperative. Oops. Looking back on it, I realize that I needed to speak up and let people know what was going on, but I just didn’t fix it for a long time (and I honestly still am not sure if I have successfully bridged these gaps in communication, though I think I am doing better).

Weirdly, in April there was a late snow storm, which the volunteers dubbed: Snow-pocalypse 2017. This storm came through at the tail end of our Easter break, making traveling in Moldova dangerous. Me and a couple friends flew into Moldova at the end of our vacations to find the city basically at a standstill. The cab drivers from the airport were charging 4 times their normal price, none of the buses were going in the city, power lines where down, and it was generally just a mess. Walking around the city the days following reminded me of what cities and towns look like after a tornado. It was crazy.

After Easter break we came back to school, knowing that we were in the final stretch of school. The kids and teachers could feel the summer holidays coming. And, just as you would imagine, that made teaching a bit harder. Along with the end of the school year came end of the year testing, and the stress to make sure we covered everything in the book. In May this came to a head and I don’t think I taught my regular week schedule the entire month. There would be times when I wouldn’t see a certain class for a week or two because of testing, and once they came back, they were done. They thought that since they wrote their finals that everything else was extra, and it didn’t really matter. And I have to kind of agree with them there. They took their final exam and the last two weeks of school grades were being tabulated, so no new information was coming out. I spent the month doing year round ups and overseeing tests. And neither were particularly fun. I can say that they were rather helpful in pointing out where weaknesses were in each of my grades (an example, we spent a week with my 2nd graders going over the alphabet again because they couldn’t remember how we pronounce it in English. Which means that when I said “c” my students thought I was saying an ‘s’ because that is how ‘s’ is pronounced in Romanian. Or the difference between “e” and “i,” since English “e” sounds like “i” in Romanian).

  Throughout all of this, I also began to teach an English club on Wednesdays at my local library. This was a fun little exercise that quickly gained popularity with my 4th graders, then died again as students stopped coming. It was a weird phenomenon where I started the club with like 5 students, it grew to 20+ students in a small room, then dwindled to less than 10 again, before I had to pause the club because of end of the year preparations.  As some one who had never had an English club it was weird and difficult for me to prepare for these events, so I generally grabbed little things that I thought we could practice and use (like greetings, numbers, colors, etc).

Also on the club side, I began working with another volunteer in the nearby Raion center, I would occasionally come to see him and help with his club at his school (even helping to teach a group of kids how to throw an American football), and we helped at a Romanian school on the other side of town. I think I went to each of these clubs twice during the second semester, but both were good times (though I did get sick at the second meeting at the Romanian school). I worked well with this volunteer and we made some plans to continue working together in the upcoming months. We talked about working with certain students in the community as tutors of English (however we have only been able to meet once). These clubs and students are things that I want to continue either this summer or in the next school year.

The lasts weeks of school saw all the teachers working diligently on compiling grades (which has to be all done by hand here in Moldova, so I have never been so happy and grateful for electronic grade books as I was when I saw my partners working on those). While teachers were working on these I would attempt to talk or review with some of the students. The key word in that last sentence being ‘try.’ I think we were all pretty done with everything by late May.

Outside of school, in March, April, and May, I was preparing for my parents to come and visit. So I was some what distracted along with my students. After lessons, I would begin looking at different things and different places for us to go on vacation and making a plan. I had to talk to my director in Romanian about this trip and make sure that they were okay with me taking the two weeks out of school to travel with them across Europe.

My work with the two other groups began really heating up again in May and April as well. GLOW was fundraising all semester (and we unfortunately did not meet our goals, and we are now doing our best to cut costs to make sure everything still works). GLOW also began really planning out the camp and communication was coming and going fast and furiously. We had a counselor training in mid-June and then camp would be two weeks after that. On the other hand, VIC was preparing for the new group of volunteers to come in. We worked on creating the new website, we thought of ideas of gifts for the new volunteers, and began planning for the Launch Event, which will take place in July. With all of these things going on, this semester seemed both the be a blur and to inch by so slowly I thought I was going to die.

The school year ended with a last bell ceremony on May 31st. The day began with everyone coming to school at the normal 8:30 time, but instead of going to the classroom, I met my partner in the teachers lounge as we waited for everything to be set up. Around 9 am we went outside, ready for everything to begin, but after another 15-20 minutes of waiting my partner and I walked to a nearby store to have coffee and breakfast then return to the school for the festival. Things finally really began around 10 am and took about 90 minutes to two hours to complete. During the ceremony many awards were handed out, and a few poems were shared. The graduating class was recognized as well as some of the amazing teachers that I work with. Then, as the last part of the ceremony, the graduating class walked around the group of students ringing the last bells of the school year (America, it’s a really cool idea and thing to see!). After that, the students were told to go back inside the building so that their Dirigentie (home-room teachers) could talk to them if need be before they go home for the summer. As students were leaving they gave flowers to their teachers. So even though my partner and I don’t have a home-room class we were gifted with flowers at the end of the year to show appreciation of our work (which might have made me tear up, but I’m not saying for sure!).

With the school year over, the teachers had a meeting about the end of year business, which I had to stay at, unfortunately. Do I remember what went on in that meeting? Nope. I was just trying to look like I was paying some attention. We finally left afternoon, and I left school to grab my bag and go to Chisinau to pick my parents up from the airport! But I’ll talk more about that in another blog post.

  Well, I think that covers mostly everything from the end of the school year for me. I know there are stories that I didn’t tell, but I just wanted to talk broadly about what I did this school year. If I think of anything else I’ll add it to another post, and if you want me to talk about anything that I haven’t addressed yet, please let me know!

  Until next time,

Angela ❤

Second Semester: Aka. The Breakfast Club Hellllo Reader, Hi Mom, I'm still alive! Today we are talking about the long trek towards the end of the school year.