#but. it's hard to make a genuine post abt it without it feeling kind of. disingenuous?

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

hmm what? oh yes obviously the violence and brutality serves an important thematic purpose. of course. ( <- thought it was hot)

[meat-huge-pain-endless]

yeah yeah yeah i know that i need to do the good thing even if its the hard thing but god dammit sometimes it’s rlly fucking hard!!!!

[sundaycentric]

JING YUAN AND NEUV!!!!!

(I too am down horrendous for them)

(seperate) neuvillette & jing yuan x reader

content ★ headcanons, NOT PROOF READ!!, sfw, fluff

note ★ SO REAL!! i love them both sm its unreal.. anyways im just going to do some basic headcanons and drabbles bc im abt to go to a dance and i need something quick to post.. other requesters i am working on your stuff!!

NEUVILLETTE ★

He has no idea what it's like to be in a relationship. He has no experience whatsoever, besides for the in occasional movies Lady Furina will force him to watch with her.

Neuvillette isn't that dumb to take the movies as reality, though. So, he ends up just being a mess.

Before you start dating, Neuvillette will try to his best to hide his feelings. He often times pushes you away, but the sky darkens not soon after. He feels torn.

Neuvillette doesn't even understand his own emotions. He can barely process what he feels, let alone name it. He's confused and worried. He thinks it's love, but what if he isn't? He's never felt love to know what it's like.

It'd take some time for him to start working through his feelings. However, he still keeps his distance. He tries not to make it obvious he is avoiding you, but someone sees through him easily.

It doesn't take long for Lady Furina to find out what's happening, especially considering how observant she is to drama. She'll pester Neuvillette about it a bit, laughing at his reactions. Neuvillette tries to appear indifferent, but the sky's definitely different from what it was before.

For all her teasing, Lady Furina does genuinely care about Neuvillette (and you). She will offer some advice to Neuvillette, even though her experience in romance is just as limited as his. At least Lady Furina can work out her emotions, though.

Gradually, Neuvillette accepts your presence and allows him to take pleasure in it. A month ago, he was doing everything to stay out of your way, but now is he practically near you every time he can be.

He tries not to talk to you too much, though. He gets flustered. Although you might not be able to see it on his face, you might notice the sky becoming brighter—way brighter than normal when you talk to him.

He will never confess first. Well, unless he felt like he had to to avoid loosing you. Other that that scenario, though, he will keep quiet until you say something

Once you do say something and confess your feelings to him, Neuvillette will be so happy. His face might be a little smile, but there is no rain for entire week and lot's of people are getting sunburnt..

He will try his best to keep you happy. Neuvillette is very big on communication since he doesn't always understand what you feel. He does try though.

Neuvillette still doesn't talk much about himself. Instead, he prefers to listen to you. Even the small, mundane things you did during your day put a smile on his face.

Overall, he is very kind and considerate. Maybe even too much. He's scared of hurting you or pushing you away because of how he is. That hasn't happened yet, though. :)

JING YUAN ★

He definitely knows what he is doing. He's had some experience in the past, both watching and doing. Although, it is different when it comes to you.

Jing Yuan took interest in you. He was curious. Why? He doesn't know himself. He just likes you presence. You remind him of his finches, maybe even lion sometimes.

He learns as much as he can about you without being seen as creepy. He'll pay attention attention to you at events or when he is in public. When he catches you staring at him, he feels warm.

Eventually, he begins to come up to you. Jing Yuan prefers to take things slow, and really wants to come up with some sort of strategy to win your heart. It's a bit hard, though. He doesn't want to manipulate you, you aren't his enemy.

Jing Yuan tries to keep things in his control, both so he can spend as much time with you possible and just because he likes it. He will pay for your lunches, buy you things you like, pay for your trips. Jing Yuan has enough money, and he is willing to spend it all if you ask for it.

He'll slowly try to become closer with you. He doesn't want to push you away. After all, Jing Yuan has all the time in the world to wait for you. He only hopes you'll actually go to him.

Jing Yuan seems more unfocused at work now. He is usually not paying attention anyways (as he is sleeping), but it's becoming a bit worse now. Lady Fu catches on quick and reprimands him.

Jing Yuan, in his tired state, tries to excuse himself before Lady Fu gets angrier. He ends up slipping and saying your name. The two of them stare at each other before Fu Xuan starts scolding him again.

Fu Xuan is mad at Jing Yuan, yes, but she cannot deny that she cares about Jing Yuan. So, she might peek into the future to see if the two of you are together. She refuses to tell Jing Yuan what she sees, but she smiles as soon as he leaves.

Jing Yuan may be first to confess. He is fine with either. In the case that he confesses, he'll laugh at the way your face lights up. If you confess first, he'll find it funny how you seem a bit unsure of yourself.

He will reassure you with a kiss on the cheek before telling you that he loves you. Jing Yuan will hug you tightly while he sleeps and take care of anything you need.

He is like a teddy bear. :)

He is attentive, and he always knows what you're feeling. He might tease you sometimes, but he is ultimately very sweet and protective over you.

Yanqing definitely looks up to you as another parental figure. Good luck with that.

Overall, very nice to sleep on. He'll take care of everything he can for you and treat you like a precious gem.

[milfygerard]

hello bestie you are my resident taylor swift moot so i thought you’d be a good person to answer: i’m like 40% a swiftie and i know Some of the lore around the gaylor theories but not all. is there some kind of masterpost or blog you can link me to where i can like Gain Knowledge abt it i just really feel like wasting my time on that today

hi ok. God.

Most of the comprehensive ones are either lost to the annals of tumblr or fucking historical documents at this point

the two biggest non-tumblr starting points (though a few of them are still built on a few tumblr links) are the iconic reputation is about karlie kloss powerpoint and the abandoned-in-2019 blog kaylorevidence which are great looks at of-its-time gaylor culture opinions and in jokes as well as having a pretty comprehensive swiftgron timeline, though lots of things have changed w context and time. A big problem w post-2019 kaylor is that widely agreed upon timelines split massively between LSKs and more general gaylor fandom who just like think shes gay/bi or like her music in a lesbian fashion which makes it way harder to keep track of (though i did find this extremely long post-folkmore kaylor update from before midnights was announced) and makes it harder to divide like actual interesting or relevant stuff from babygating or person-who-knows-a-person-who-knows-taylor-wears-someting-with-flowers-on-it type of stuff. @/throwbackgaylor is a good example of having a very uneven mix of both of these things that can be hard to sort through but is probably a good resource for backsearching. If anyone knows how to find the old 2018 kaylor masterlists (of which there were a TON

I know @that-curly-haired-lesbian used to do queer readings and reinterpretations of her songs that I used to scroll thru and ashley norton did a pretty comprehensive breakdown of the taytaysbeard clusterfuck from a non gaylor perspective which as someone who was in the thick of that in high school I thought was pretty respectful and well done even if its kind of unbearable to watch and remember. If you want to see the state of LSK now ttb is still active at @/spade-riddles I believe but that person is a genuine certified weirdo and i dont really recommend it. penelope and priscilla are gay twins also is a good source of at its time gaylor culture and in-jokes (warning for being probably dated I havent watched any of these in a Long time)

if anyone else has masterposts or resources of Gaylors Past pls add on! I feel like so much is lost in social media based communities like this one and it can be hard to illustrate a time in online fandom without a broad spread of examples and stories and pre 2020 gaylor was such a specific moment in time!

[fxggotclown]

tumblr tutorial (for my friend)

preemptively: if anyone sees this post other than my friend, this is just based on how i use tumblr. ive found that most tumblr tutorials ive seen either focus too much on OP's opinions or are genuinely kind of useless bc OP forgot why tumblr is hard to use for new users. also it is very long bc i got really autistic abt this sorry if it sucks . im sorry andrew 😭

dashboard settings

in dashboard setting you will find lots of features that i have turned off bc i dont like them. there is one setting here that is very important to have on though and that is TIMESTAMPS!! for some reason they arent turned on automatically but they can add a lot of context to posts.  i honestly dont remember what settings are on automatically and what ones aren't but most of them are just personal preference. these are the ones i have on and off. there are also themes! i think most people just use dark mode but im partial to goth rave. the rest of the settings are just personal preference. i dont like having based on your likes on bc i dont really use the like feature pretty much ever (more on this later.) these are what i have them set to.

content you see

in account settings you can mute tags or post content. when you mute a tag/word posts with whatever you've muted won't show up in searches. on your dashboard it will show that someone reblogged a post that has [thing you muted]. example:

this can be used to avoid seeing any posts abt a show your friend is really obsessed w rn but you hate, avoid having to scroll past one million x reader fanfics just to look at posts abt a character you like the character tag, to warn you before opening a post that there might be pictures or mention of something you might be sensitive to, for filtering mature or explicit content when you're scrolling in public, or the oft overlooked muting a blog name so if that blog is in the post you already know. both features have their limitations, in order for muting tags to work the post has to actually be tagged w that tag. 

also on that note, even if people reblog a post and dont tag it, if the original poster added the tag then it will be filtered. as an extension of this if you are tagging posts for the sake of everyone that uses tumblr please do not censor your tags (3v1L instead of evil or gr!m@ce instead of grimace.) it defeats the purpose of them because unless someone is muting every possible way you could potentially censor a tag then it's not going to get filtered.

directly underneath those settings you can enable or disable seeing mature content and/or blurring it. tumblr likes to flag random posts as mature content so i have mature content on and blurring off. users can also manually set content labels on their own posts, so it's not always tumblr being stupid.

xkit

if you're using tumblr on desktop it is quite useful to get the extension/addon xkit (rewritten.) i recommend going through the settings and seeing what you might find useful but the main one's i use are mutual checker, quick tags, vanilla audio/video, and no recommended. mutual checker puts a little symbol next to your mutuals on the dashboard, i forget who is and isn't my mutual otherwise and you have to manually check your followers list if you want to check without this. quick tags lets you set up tag bundles, but also automatically adds an original post tag when you make a post and an ask tag to asks once you set them up. i also have a tag "bundle" that's just my queue tag if i dont feel like typing it out. vanilla audio/video makes audio and video posts use the native controls. i really fucking hate the tumblr default video controls on desktop so this is one that i forget is necessary for me until i dont have it on. no recommended just removes recommended posts, communities, and blogs. i found these to generally not be something i cared abt seeing and often showed me stuff i actively disliked so i turned them off. 

queue

speaking of queue tags…. the queue is one of my favorite tumblr features. instead of reblogging a post immediately you can chuck it in the queue and it'll come out at some point in the future. not everyone uses queues and you definitely don't have to but i think it's fun. a lot of people, myself included, will tag queued posts so that it is obvious it was queued. you don't HAVE to do this but it is kind of like the opposite of liking someone's instagram post from three years ago if that makes sense . there is a culture of making cute queue tags… mine is queue wanted a hit like you wanted a hit by lcd soundsystem as an example ^_^ . 

you can adjust all these settings . i believe it defaults to 2 times a day. you can only add up to 1000 posts to your queue so if you're getting near the top you might want to up the post rate. also if you go to the tumblr labs tab in settings there is a feature called fast queue that i find quite useful, it's on both desktop and mobile. there's other things in tumblr labs so you can check it out but that's the only one i care abt.

search

to put it simply; the tumblr search function is dogshit. i honestly try to avoid using it bc it is pretty much useless unless you know very specific things abt the post . which is why tags are very important !! looking up the exact text in a post will not necessarily bring it up in a search but a tag will always come up. a lot of people use tags to organize their blogs so they can reliably find posts they've made or reblogged later. you can use either the search function on someone's blog (it's a magnifying glass below their bio) or go to their blog archive. [blog url].tumblr.com/archive . i pretty regularly look at my own archive to find posts ive reblogged. you can filter by tag, if you add /tagged/[tag] you can look up whatever tag you want, not just the options given. as well as the post type and month. 

blog settings

if you go to settings and then click on (one of) your blog(s) you can adjust that blog's settings. here you can edit your profile like on other social media but you can also enable custom themes, which let you edit the html of your blog. this only applies when it's [blog name].tumblr.com but is cool nonetheless. there are a lot of free to use and customizable themes if you look for them . you can enable or disable people being able to see your likes or who you follow, i dont remember if this is on automatically but you should probably disable it. you can change what tags are featured when someone uses the search function on your blog. if you dont add tags then it will default to your most used tags. you can choose who can reply to ALL your posts and who can mention you. you can manually change who can reply to individual posts of yours as well, didnt even realise you could do it blog wide until writing this. you can choose whether people can "blaze" your posts. this is uhm.. tumblr's version of sponsored posts but if you have it enabled then anyone can choose to blaze your posts. the idea of this is terrifying to me so i have it turned off. you can opt in or out of getting asks as well as whether you get anonymous asks. people sending asks on anon are unable to send media but you can choose whether people that are off anon can send media. i dont really know how submissions work because i pretty much only see them used by gimmick blogs. ive never been sent a submission. im sorry 😭😭. choose who can send you messages, choose whether your posts embed in links, remove your blog from searches, or third party sharing. this also where you can see who you've blocked

blocking

blocking on tumblr is sometimes really weird. honestly a lot of the nitty gritty eludes me but if you block a blog they wont be able to go to your blog. it does not mean you don't see posts that were made by or include blocked blogs on your dashboard. they can see your posts on their dashboard but can't reblog them (i dont know if this only applies if you're the original poster or if it extends to if you add to a post.) if a blocked blog replies to a post it will say a blocked account made a reply and you won't be able to see the reply or what blog it is. if you really dont want to see any posts w a certain blog in them you can use the mute post content feature as previously mentioned. also blocks are specific to each blog. i can see why this is the case but you can't just set it so that all your blogs block the same accounts which is kind of stupid. i only block from my main blog but i also only have one side blog. idk how other ppl w more side blogs navigate through this. 

bots

jumping off of that i will bring up that tumblr has a general bot problem that comes and goes. there are lots of ways to go abt avoiding them but it's likely that you're still going to get followed by some. the easiest way to deal w them is to just block. you should also report them but when you report a blog there's two main options. these are report for mature content or for spam. when it's a porn bot a lot of ppl think they should report for mature content but that actually just makes their blog get flagged and will not get the blog banned. so you need to mark them as spam !! if you just made an account your profile isn't customized and your blog is empty. you dont have to customize your blog or reblog posts but the people you follow are significantly more likely to block and/or report you because to them you look the same as a bot. there has been drama about this but you can do whatever you want, just dont get upset if you get blocked by people. 

dashboard vs for you vs your tags

the dashboard has been referenced many times in this post already but the dashboard (dash) is the following tab. it is all the posts and reblogs from the blogs you follow in chronological order. you can also choose for posts from tags you follow to show up intermittently but that's optional. the for you tab is tumblr's version of an algorithmically curated feed. most people dont use it but if your account is new and you dont follow many blogs it can be useful for finding more blogs to follow. the your tags tab is just a feed made exclusively of posts in the tags you follow. also bc this is probably a good spot to put this, communities exist. i dont use them and i dont understand the purpose of them. posts made to them dont show up on dashboards and you can react to them i think. tumblr tv also exists, it is tumblr's version of an algorithmically curated infinite scrolling video feed like all the examples i can give of this. i dont think that tumblr is set up for this to be ideal but if you really want to just watch videos and want to do it on tumblr then it's there (only on mobile.)

likes vs tags vs replies vs reblog additions

these have been a source of drama in some ways and also where i usually stop reading in "tumblr tutorials" because the OP starts stating their opinions as facts. i will do my best to explain in a way that is actually informational w how i understand them. other people definitely interpret them differently but im the one writing this and not them so :3

liking posts does have a purpose, it puts the post you liked in your likes tab! but because tumblr is (for most users) not based around algorithms likes dont directly "help" the OP like liking posts on other social media does. i dont personally bother with liking posts unless i dont want to reblog for whatever reason but want the OP to know that i read the post (like a mutual's vent post for example.) also this may not happen when you like posts a lot but there's always a thing telling me to turn post notifications on when i like someone's post which is extremely annoying to me and more reason for me to not like posts lol.

tags outside of for blog organization or visibility are often used by people to quietly talk about the post's content . the only people that will see the tags are the OP, people that follow you, and people that scroll through the tags on a post. tags also dont get added to the post so unless someone screenshots them and adds them then you're safe from getting a bunch of notifications. sometimes people "talk" in tags and will reference the previous reblog. in order to look at a previous reblog you go to the top of the post where it shows who reblogged it and click the three dots on the right and click view previous reblog to see what they're talking abt . you can also scroll through all the tags if you click the notes button and go to the reblogs tab. sometimes people (me) will make a post and add a lot of stuff to the tags instead of the actual post. there are lots of reasons one might do this and im not explaining myself.

replies do not necessitate reblogging a post, but are more easily seen by a lot more people. i personally only really use them when i want to talk directly to the OP . they're fun to look through though !!

reblog additions are added to a post and if someone reblogs that addition then it is forever out of your hands unless every person that reblogged it deletes it off of their blogs. this is scary to me so i basically never do this. i dont know what else to say about them 😭😭

[kae-karo]

fic roundup 2024

PHEW it's been a year !!! i've posted a whopping 70 fics?? across 31 different ships for blue lock,,,,,which is kind of insane lmao i think that's the most ships i've ever written for???? in a SINGLE year???

anyway without further ado, my fave fic i posted in each month!

jan - the mall au !!! (x) a smorgasbord of ryusae, hiorin, kaisagi, kurobachisagi, and kunigiri, where everyone works at The Mall !!! i had a blast with the sdse especially, they are always so dear to my heart

feb - this mcd sae / past ryusae / ryurin getting together fic (x) that i just. i really tore my soul out a little writing this one (in a good way) and i love them sosososo much

mar - age gap rnis (x) god the only thing i love more than rin despising isagi and wanting to destroy him is when he's so downbad for isagi it makes him look stupid !!!!

apr - tabiori with my beloved dom sadist hiori (x) iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou i mean look i love karasu too but this hiori is sososo good to me dfkljjkldsf

may - naturally, the kiis fic i wrote after we got kaiser's backstory (x) i just love making him vulnerable i love isagi tolerating it in the most isagi way !!!! they make me ILL!!!!

jun - the first fic in the wedding au !!! (x) ryusae my beloveds !!!! i brainrotted over this au for so long and i rly loved writing sae's jealousy and possessiveness it's such a good look on him

jul - hands down the saesagi angel fic (x) this fic consumed my entire being while i was writing it. i reread it probably dozens of times before i posted. spiritual successor to KNOCK.ME.OUT in terms of the way it holds a piece of my heart

aug - this is hard bc rpw BUT it's gotta be the inspection and lubrication of seacocks (x) bc between the first fic and that one my ryukara brainrot rly set in hard. i may or may not be working on another part to this au lmao

sept - ough HAS to be the rnseis !!!! (x) another i could reread a billion times, i really feel like i cooked with this one. got rin having confused feelings abt sae, dom isagi, plenty of smut, and rnse tentative reconciliation. banger after banger tbh

oct - IT'S A TIE i refuse to decide so soft karasae summer vacation (x) AND horny not-technically-gay-sex gay sex rinsae cannibalism (x) which i adored both of for very different reasons lmao

nov - a doozy of a month with lots of prompt fics BUT i still have to love my dairy farmer kaiser kiis fic (x) above all. what can i say, i love making kaiser insufferably vulnerable around isagi and making isagi insanely determined to. be around him.

dec - i swore i wasn't gonna write this til i was done with the mall au but somehow it snuck up on me anyway so i wrote an entire 'stuck in an airport' fic (x) with some fun rarepairs (ryukara, otoya/chigiri/sendou, kunibarou, raiku) plus kaisagi which isn't remotely rare lmao

honorable mentions + other stats + future plans below the cut!!

phew so a solid 70 fics, 31 different ships, over 500k words, 67k hits and 7k kudos

kudos-wise, y'alls faves were all to myself (x), it's rotten work, especially to me, especially if it's you (x), the thought of you is wrapped around my neck (i'm choking) (x), my favorite poison (x), and up in the air (x) !! so predominantly kaisagi fans this year lmao

honorable mention fics:

touch tank (x) my beloved ryusae and one of my earliest trans sae (or trans anyone bllk) fics and also just. the idea of insecure sae is so dear to my heart !!!!!

all i want to be, all i ever want to be (x) some very soft and slightly fraught kaisae, returning to my roots lmao. genuinely tho i really liked writing this one in particular, just....soft

card carrying member of the fuck isagi yoichi club (x) kira/kaiser i had a VISION okay !!!!! thank u to pwc for having kira as one of the only early-game characters and making me think abt him again lmao

it's rotten work, especially to me, especially if it's you (x) i always love kaisagi but i ESPECIALLY love soft kaisagi, i love kaiser out of his element and leaning on isagi, i love isagi so deeply obsessed with kaiser that he can't help but fall for him

if you can't beat 'em (x) which i wrote and posted BEFORE ACTUAL KAISAGI TEAMUP and i still think them crushing noa would've been fun but i suppose this is fine too lmaoooo

thank u all for joining me in 2024 and there will certainly be more to come in 2025! <3

since u have made it this far, some things i'll hopefully be doing in 2025:

kaiser/nanase! i didn't get it finished in time for kaiser's bday but i still want to write it!!

more karasae AND more ryukara! karasu quickly becoming a fave so hopefully yall enjoy him too lmao

shidou ryuusei's guide to transing your gender and homoing your sexual !!!!

mall au part 2!!!!

more saesagi. i am too downbad for them lmao

something hopefully for sdsern week !!!! i have one idea i might roll with we shall see

oviposition it has to happen it's been too long i'm finding reasons to put it into like every fic i'm working on lmao i need to get the brainworms out lmao

maybe if i'm very brave i will also be working on my original story!!

[pearl-likes-pi]

i honestly dont know hoe to say this, but you really had a hand in shaping my brai chemistry while i was growing up, no kidding. i remember when i was 13 or so and whenever you posted a pearl rap career chapter it would unironicaly make my day (specially when you dropped the peridot chapter i had a stomach infection or smth, so that video and the last one out of beach city episode were on replay for me for a few days). its really weird seeing that rebecca managed to make a safe space for lgbt folks (it was really hard for me to accept myself as gay, it seems really simple nowadays but back then it was so discomforting to even thinm about it so su and its fandom, and by some extent, your vids, helped me externalize some feelings or queernes i guess, do you remeber when someone said your video editing was raw and masculine? lol). anyways, its wild to think i was in 5th grade when i first watched laser light canon and now im finishing my journalism course in college and seeing how this show raised me in some way and helped me to be aware of my own mental health i only have good memories, thankfully, and its really sad to see that it ended, but i honestly wouldnt have had it any other way. its kind of a long rant but id like to thank you, mackenzie, your videos made me laugh a lot when i was a teen and they still make me now. this show was truly a gift, it made us connect to something bigger and magical. this was kind of a long rant since ive kinda forgotten that su existed and remined that it existed because of some dreams lol. i remembered back then when i was super anxious about the cluster episode, i remeber checking your tumblr everyday and seeing fanon content. i really dont know how to express myself since english is not my first language and i tend to ramble on a lot on my native one, but id like to say youve made me smile a lot, it was so cool seeing you present the su podcast and being an intern at CN. i honestly wish you the best.

Dude it means so much to hear that my lil shitposts have had an impact on people!!!! I completely understand where youre coming from re: SU's impact on your life (and acceptance of queer identity) and feel the same way!!! im so grateful for this show and everything it represents. in a world without Steven Universe my current life would be completely unrecognizable. like genuinely I dont think any single aspect of my life would be the way it is without SU. which is nuts but it's true!!!

I love engaging with this community and it gave me a lot of support when I was at a place in my life where I felt pretty isolated. I'm kind of rambling now too but this seriously has been sitting in my inbox for a bit now and I just knew i needed to respond and say thank you for sharing. <3

ALSO LMAO I FORGOT ABT THE RAW AND MASCULINE COMMENT THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME HAHA

[yinyuedijun]

Miss Mao i am starving with these crumbs of brainrot MC lore, I must confess I am more hyped abt her than literally any of the canon cast, I fear.. so I must ask, do you have anything planned (to write) for the other relationships that are kinda sorta teased in the Shin fics? Like Gaku and Sei 👉👈 I would just love to see her interacting w/ them because the dynamics are SO interesting to me !!

Like maybe AU's where the main focus is a different pairing (RIP Shin, you were too good for all of us, but move over for gege Gaku) or where things went differently and lead MC to end up with someone else? I love seeing the discussions and expansion on them in your asks 😩 (especially the Gaku ones) but have any plot bunnies reached the serious consideration/WIP stage ? 😶

And I truly don't mean to sound ungrateful for all your current writing!! It's always a phenomenal read, the writing style, the characterisation, the insanely endearing MC's who genuinely, truly always carve out their own special places in my heart because holy shit I have NEVER seen another author so good with creating such utterly unique leading characters ESPECIALLY ones that are typically meant to be a self-insert and thus can be extremely hard to characterise without compromising immersion given the audience they generally cater to. You've created such a captivating niche on your blog because of your characterisations specifically, the way you convey their sentiments through the narration and the dialogues. It's SO special to me, and I would really like you to know that, because I see all the time and effort and genuine passion you put into your writing!! Thank you for making your blog somewhere I can always find enjoyment and catharsis. I loved discovering you, and I'll love discovering whatever you do next! ❤️‍🔥💖

💫

HI ANONNN wow thank you so much for saying such kind words 😭😭😭 I think my approach of writing heavily developed MCs is not the most popular LOL so it makes me very happy to hear that you actually enjoy that about my fics! 🥺💓 all my MCs are my babygirls so it makes me super giddy when people want to know more about their lore!

for this specific mc, I don't think I could write about her time with sei because it would give me insane psychic damage DGLSHKFSJD. but I do have a WIP about her childhood at the orphanage. I've been struggling with the voice and plot though - I can't think of a way to make it romantic, and I'm not sure that anyone would want to read a fic about the psychological landscape of orphaned children being raised to become weapons 😭😭😭 but it was basically going to give context on why gaku behaves like a guard dog for the mc, why the mc trusts him so much, why she feels a very painful attachment to kei that she finds difficult to disregard, etc.

I also am ashamed to admit that if I DO ever end up dropping anything for gaku/tumblrina... in all honesty it would most likely be porn about them getting together post-shin. because that's easiest to write and I have no brain cells SFKSHLDJSSJ. I think it would be somewhat comedic (tumblrina freaking out at the sudden pseudocest but then shrugging it off when she feels the size of gaku's dick), but it would also be kind of sad (she cannot bring herself to kiss gaku for the longest time and he doesn't understand why that makes his chest physically ache) and it would also be super horny (she is not surviving that dick I am being so serious). I cannot promise anything but I can always answer questions if u have any 😭

thank you so much for the feedback & questions!!!! MWAH MWAH

[the-pea-and-the-sun]

Ummm two of your favorite sitcoms I should check out

& what’s a card game that would be fun to get into. Or how do you play blackjack/count cards

MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE its genuinely so good an super foundational to post 2000s sitcoms it kinda shook up the established sitcom format w some unconventional directing and also by portraying a low-class family where most sitcoms up to that point portrayed upper-middle class families. its also um. funny. one of the few shows where i feel like im really fond of every main character

THE NANNY childhood favorite of mine very classic comforting sitcom I LOVE FRAN DRESCHERR shes amazing.

UM HONESTLY. I KINDA ONLY KNOW ABT BLACKJACK but i hear baccarat is fun for ppl who like skill based card games.. also u can do tarot readings w regular card decks which i think is very cool 👍

ILL TELL U HOW TO COUNT CARDS im so glad ppl r reading my abt me page AND I LOVE TALKING ABT IT ITS ACTUALLY VERY COOL OK SO

BASICALLY rules 4 black jack are easy. ur ignoring colors and shapes on ur cards (this isnt easy i know..) those are all numbers now. the ones that have numbers on them r the number they are and the ace is either 1 or 11 depending on which is better for u (or the dealer) and all the other cards without numbers (king queen jack) are 10. ur goal is to get a higher number than the dealer without going over 21. u and the dealer both start with two cards and u can only see one of the dealers cards and u make ur decisions based on that. dealer has the advantage (except when they dont. ill explain this later) because since the dealer doesnt do anything until u bust or stand it makes it so that ur at risk of busting first (since u cant bust with just two cards). u can hit (ask for another card) or stand (no more cards im all done) or u can double (ask for another card AND double ur bet bcz ur so sure this next card is gonna be a good one) AND u can also split if both ur cards are the same. then u have two hands, which means u can bust on one and keep playing on the other. also sometimes u can get a natural blackjack. this is awesome and important but u dont do anything to make it happen exactly it just happens when u get an ace and a 10 as ur first two cards and then u get a 3:2 payout 👍

OK SO THATS JUST REGULAR BLACKJACK most ppl when playing regular blackjack are just following their heart when they make choices so their odds are dogshit but for every hand u have and card the dealer has there's actually a right answer. heres a link to a chart with all the right answers. memorizing this is called basic strategy 👍 and its actually a lot harder than actually counting cards but counting cards is useless without it. there are some cool little lines and phrases that make memorizing it easier. it isnt terribly hard though i think, they still make some middle schoolers memorize the periodic table and this is basically just like. three of those. ppl who play blackjack for funzies regularly are looking at absolutely trash odds like a lot of the time only slightly better than a slot machine but if ur playing with perfect basic strategy ur odds go up to abt 49.5 percent. but ur STILL losing more than ur winning so thats where actual card counting comes in. so theres more than one card counting method but the one i know is hi-lo where u just keep a "running count" of ur current odds for winning by looking at the cards that are coming out of the deck (its actually a shoe, bcz its more than one deck) and using that to determine what kind of cards are left. 10 and ace decrease the count by 1, 6 and below increase the count by one, and 7 8 and 9 dont change the count. a high number means theres more good cards in the deck (because more bad cards have already been dealt) and a low number means theres more bad cards in the deck bcz the good cards have already been dealt. there are some variants to basic strategy based on the current count (and also based on a few rule variants and shoe size) but basically. higher count = bet more. lower count = get outta there. if ur playing w more ppl at ur table ur seeing more cards per turn an ur count will be more accurate 👍whats pretty interesting is that the thing thats giving u the advantage over the dealer despite the dealer not being able to bust before you is that you get 3:2 on natural blackjacks. so ur basically relying on the fact that youll just win automatically sometimes to have ur advantage over the dealer and are just mitigating loses the rest of the time when this doesnt happen.

SO THATS IT its actually not super hard u could probably get pretty good at it in just a few months or even weeks. the only thing is that when ur using basic strategy perfectly and counting cards perfectly ur odds only go up to 50.5 percent which. GREAT ur beating the house and playing for long enough should eventually mean more money over time but ur still only averaging more money over time. and just like how ppl working with dogshit odds occasionally win big, u working with slightly better than 50/50 odds can occasionally lose big and a lot. also if ur betting small, ur winning small. so in order to really make a worthwhile profit playing blackjack u kinda already have to have a lotta money. like if ur making $100 worth of bets an hour ur only averaging abt a dollar profit per hour. to be averaging (not making. AVERAGING) california minimum wage you'd have to be betting like $1600 an hour. so it isnt quite the get rich quick scheme that a lotta people think it is but it IS pretty fun and is kind of the only part of gambling i enjoy. probability is cool 👍

[grayintogreen]

really enjoyed your post abt essek and redemption because i feel like a lot of people in this fandom (and fandom in general) equate redemption with softness. shadowgast shippers especially like to grind away at essek’s razor sharp edges to make him smooth and palatable, when in reality he’s a bitch and a hater and a bastard too. he’s capable of softness, yes, and he’s fought hard for that softness, but being soft does not come naturally to him. there is no cozy cottage without an eighth level gravity fissure.

Hello!! I’m a huge devotee to redemption arcs, but I feel like most people (including creators) equate redemption arcs with a character “becoming good” and this isn’t generally the case because good is subjective for starters and, for another, every bad guy is a person who had a reason to become that way and choosing to switch sides doesn’t magically make those reasons go away. They are going to have that baggage still and some might want to keep it to fuel them in better endeavors.

I’ve been really exhausted by “fanon Essek” and the woobiefication of him by making him a cute little arcane nerdery house husband. Seeing him again in canon and seeing Matt committed to his sharp edges proves that Matt 100% understands that just because you can be soft doesn’t mean you aren’t willing to bite. Essek and Caleb are both kinda murdery and they are not so good and wholesome and domestic that they can’t burn a swath through their enemies.

It’s genuinely proof of how a lot of fandom CANNOT handle flaws of any kind. They’re either are a trash person who never gets their flaws called out (spoiler not every flaw NEEDS to be held up and examined narratively sometimes they’re just going to be a cunt forever and you have to see if you can live with that) or the flaws are smoothed over or justified. People are COMPLEX. People who used to be able to justify doing horrible things doubly so.

Tl;Dr thank you. I’m so glad Matt has never backed down from Essek being the guy who said he’d help Caleb break time if he wanted to do it.

[nereidprinc3ss]

so um, you’ve probably have been asked this many times but how do you start writing fanfic without cringing at yourself? i already feel silly for reading it. i noticed you have gained recognition outside of tumblr which i believe to be an achievement but i can’t allow myself to go through that.

i work in the finance sector at a big american firm, i can’t have my coworkers knowing i’m writing fanfic. i already get teased for watching disney animated films (which it’s not that bad) how do you deal with this? ik you’re still at college and ofc, this doesn’t mean you’re stupid but i bet you know what i mean? do you have some advice on this?

⚠️me not shutting the fuck up and getting way too personal below the cut

honestly at first i DID cringe at myself. i cringed so much that after posting my first fic in like november i dont think i posted again til january because i was writing and would just get so humiliated despite being alone and no one knowing who i was or what i was doing LOL but honestly the way i got over that was just to do it more because i truly love writing and why would i let feeling “cringe” stop me from doing something i love and that makes me happy? that would be so heartbreaking, life is hard enough, we deserve to do things we love and are passionate about without judging ourselves so harshly

as for not letting other people know well yeah i just don’t tell my friends or anyone ik in real life that i write fanfic lol, they know i love to write and they know im obsessed with spencer reid but that’s as much as i’ve told them! i know it’s a thing that maybe most people would consider “weird” but as someone who has a crushing fear of intimacy this is kinda my outlet lmfao. and it made me feel really insecure and weird at first but then i realized like… i try to be kind and caring and thoughtful, i have a lot of good qualities and the fact that i write fanfic doesn’t actually detract from any of them. it also helped for me to accept the reason why i write fanfic which is (and we’re abt to get real personal) i’m deeply afraid of intimacy of any kind and always have been so writing fiction abt the stuff i’m too scared to do isn’t a bad thing. there are a lot of people who wouldn’t understand it but they don’t have the same experiences as me and i don’t need them to understand it because i know that they never could. like they don’t understand what it’s like to so terrified of being known by another person that you obsess over the hottest guy in your school district for six months bc you want the validation of him liking you back and you do everything in your power to make him like you and then when he actually does reciprocate you immediately start icing him out to the point where he says hi at a party and you ignore him to his face cause you’re so afraid of men😂😂😂😂😂 they don’t get those vibes!!!

anyway basically you just have to remember that you’re doing it for you and it actually doesn’t mean something is WRONG with you if you enjoy writing and the safety and control that fiction offers you. it just means you’re one of billions of people living an entirely unique experience, just like anyone else, and honestly i think it makes you interesting. having hobbies and passions is rlly sexy and cool, regardless of what they are, and you deserve to do stuff you like doing. if anyone else is giving you shit abt it it’s probably because they genuinely don’t understand what it’s like to have interests and that makes me feel bad for them lol

[the-kr8tor]

Isn't it crazy how much your work can inspire people?? I mean Katy, not to inflate your ego or anything but the platform you've created is so amazing. It's what I aspire to be/do in my own work. So thank you. I look forward to every post and conversation. You just make writing look so fun. Like you genuinely enjoy what you do and work hard at progressing in your stories. It makes me feel less inclined to focus on making things perfect and being my own writer. I hope you realize how much we as your followers appreciate you as a person. Have a great night or morning, I honestly don't know 😂.

💜💜

This is so 😭😭😭 I woke up in a bad mood and a headache, after reading your kind message I just thought: hey, maybe I'll be okay. So thank you so much ❤️ I really appreciate this you have no idea. Love u ❤️

Also, too late, you've already inflated my ego 😂 now I'm climbing mt Everest bc of u 🤣

I'm honoured, truly. Makes me cry every time someone takes the time to create something that my work has inspired ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I love the little fandom circle I've created, literally a dream come true for someone who used to just wallow in my own world without talking to anyone abt the stories in my head. This blog is the result of all those daydreams that I couldn't put on paper back then, and it has been incredibly wonderful to have an amazing platform and people who key smash with me every time I post. I also look forward to every interaction and my day isn't complete without talking to everyone. I love writing so much!! It never fails to make my day better by just typing up a few words that always end up in hundreds, it's very satisfying and I just hope I continue to do so until I croak lol

I agree, trying to make things perfect was a hurdle to get over (that i still struggle with sometimes) but once I did it was very refreshing and writing became more fun! And I hope you find that 'fun' with people who are ready to key smash with you too ❤️❤️❤️

Have a great day, my love!!! (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

[kasumingo]

People who are like, get medicated, get therapy, get help, as if its the easiest most effective thing ever boggle the mind. Like i know they cannot know unless theyve been in the system for any length of time but theres so much to unpack here. Theres LAYERS

Theres the fact that everyone should be aware of by now, that its often expensive and inaccessible to many as well, but thats entry level shit. It goes deeper.

The fields of psychology and ESPECIALY psychiatry are steeped in stigma and dogma and straight up bad info. Everything is depression until proven otherwise. Gender stigma is very very real with autism and ad(h)d and so is actual genuine oppression that can come with those diagnoses and anything "more serious". God help you if youre diagnosed with or suspect cluster A or B personality disorders or ANY psychotic ones. I dont have firsthand experience but ive heard enough to know that often those with ASPD and schizoaffective/schizophrenic get treated as subhuman. Not to mention how severe antipsychotics are as medication, theres good reasons people often dont take theirs.

But even if youve got one of the "easy" disorders, guess what? "Success" is still not guaranteed. Figuring out medication and dosage can be a long and exhausting process, a lot of them have significant drawbacks and restrictions.

And cognitive behavioral therapy can also have negative effects! Especially if ur misdiagnosed! Or do it while youre still in survival mode! Or have alexythimia like myself! Its not an one size fits all cure.

People are so ready to condescend to the mentally ill and say stuff like "get therapy" as if its the holy grail of mental care without a trace of irony. People lapse treatment and lick their own wounds the best they can for so many reasons, A LOT OF THEM RELATING TO HOW SHIT AND INEFFECTIVE THERAPY CAN BE, and instead of that being the focus the talk about it is so often boiled down to them being lazy or incapable of taking care of themselves.

I know this couldve been its own post but honestly with you posting abt it i feel better giving this here directly. It got kind of ranty but just, people who use "get therapy" as the ultimate gotcha BOIL MY BLOOD.

People think that therapist, psychologists, psychiatrist and similar are these unquestioned authorities that always have your best interest in mind and have the answer for anything.

While the truth is that the psych field is filled with incompetent bigots either entering the field for the power trip or having an incredible biased and misguided point of view at best.

I don't personally have the experience with BPD or ASPD myself either, but it's not hard to imagine how they treat individuals they don't even consider people… that the majority of society don't consider ones either and doesn't care what happens to them.

AND YES GOD IT'S INFURIATING.

Especially since in many cases it doesn't come from genuine care, but as a dismissal and denial that many people ARE broken, weird, strange, peculiar, different but they do NOT need fixing, CAN'T be fixed and certainly don't owe strangers recovery.

Modern attitudes I'm seeing in online spaces are only setting mental health of the societies back years if not decades and leads to mental health of all involved unnecessarily dipping even further, only adding to what's happening in the world as a whole lately.

It's frustrating and I only can hope that my yelling in the void brings someone peace or makes rethinking the attitudes they've been carrying up until this point.

[j2zara]

for the ask game!! 📚 💭 👖

Sorry these took all day i've been out and Tired as hell but thank u!

📚 Do you read your own fic?

I try to not feel embarrassed that the answer is yeah bc like I think if other ppl reread their own work it would make sense!!!! Like I would not judge at all and honestly co-sign rereading ur own shit. I literally tell ppl that the reason I write is bc like. It’s basically the chance to craft your own perfectly tailored special interest to share with others. So like. Why wouldn’t I like it? (And this was especially true when I was trying to write original stuff which is why it’s so frustrating I never finish anything. But also a little true now too. This whole weird cloneverse was the product of my dumb thought experiment “what if the clones were people who had the capacity to be just as tragic as Jace). It’s got everything I like in it. I try to tell myself anyway. In practice it’s like. Argh.I kinda go through periods where I like. And this is usually after I JUST posted. Wanna do other things but end up distracting myself by rereading the thing I just made over and over. And then I forget it exists and often in my mind it’s like. Oh I don’t wanna read that i think bc I have residual feelings of like. Idk embarrassment I guess? Like I convince myself it’s old and probably bad but sometimes when I’m glancing at old things I write for. Refresher purposes (usually on cloneverse lol) I end up getting suckered back into rereading it like oh hey is this actually. Good?

Anything older I mostly haven’t looked at in a while bc idk. I’m very hard on my old self. I did reread my Reddie sky high au thing and went. Hm this is actually fun I like this. Most of my IT stuff is like. Ok I think? This is kinda related but I JUST got a comment on a talent swap I wrote for DR and I literally haven’t updated the thing since 2018 and I feel so bad for abandoning it but. Part of it is bc I think if I were to come back to it I would wanna redo some of the old chapters and I feel so pained looking at the early chapters. I keep telling myself I’ll get to it. My Mukuro and Hiro proxy sibling agenda deserves it, they deserve to be best friends so bad, I’m sad I abandoned them. 

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

This is such a funny question bc I’m such a goddamn blabbermouth so I feel pretty confident that I’ve already posted so much cringe abt the headcanons for cloneverse. Like. Technically J3’s personality started as a headcanon in that i was like “oh, Porter was flirting with J3 the entire time he was falling in love with J2”. 99% of the time if i feel compelled to say it i will just say it? Actually you know what? I just thought of one that might be kinda schmaltzy and i feel bad for not saying its a 100% certainty but in my heart Ankarna grants all the clones some form of true life but it would probably be some fucked genie deal where its like there’s a reincarnation au or something. Like they have to find each other again or something. Very Hadestown Orphydice anybody got a match coded. Genuinely b/c J4 wishes she was never Of Jace she gets what she wants and its like good/bad. Bc i can never stop putting the clones in the torment nexus I don’t know if that’s completely stupid

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

I try so hard to be a planner bc I’m so frustrated by my pantser process. Like. Idk i tend to just ride momentum but without foresight you end up going in directions that can be kinda formless and completely wrong and idk. I have such hard time finishing things b/c of this i think. But when I try to plan I’m also so bad at it i don’t think I’ve ever finished a real and true outline before I start. I want to be the kind of person that has clean outlines but. Idk. So by default I guess I’m a plantser bc I do have docs full of notes but my notes are always super messy and like. Idk what I’m doing evolves so much while I work that half the time the notes end up not even accurate to what I’m aiming for. Worst of both worlds life

[dandyshucks]

rambling about Guz under the cut hsdhgjkl, CW for abuse and (c)ptsd talk as well as discussion of racism

i've hesitated to say anything about his trauma-caused aggression and anger because i fear it'll be misconstrued by ppl (<- tags on that other post that i'm going off of bc i wanna ramble abt it)

he's not Scary or Violent or Mean. i mean maybe other ppl might view him that way, he might come across that way if you don't know him well, but like.... its trauma. if you were physically abused as a child... yeah. youre gonna come out of that with issues that won't be pretty. you're not going to be the Perfect Victim. you are going to have symptoms and reactions and whatnot that are ugly and difficult and upsetting and hard-to-be-around sometimes.

I am really aware and cautious of the stereotype where many men of colour (mainly black men, but this also includes indigenous men and some other men of colour) are portrayed as being Big and Aggressive, so I have avoided getting anywhere near that, especially since I made the decision to change Guz's skintone in my portrayal of him (which I'm not going to get into, at least rn, but that decision was carefully thought out as well for me). So I always get a bit worried that IF I show any of that side of his trauma, it is going to come off the wrong way.

When I look at him being angry and aggressive in any way, I'm coming at it from the perspective of "this is a man who was a child who was abused and beaten, and he's grown up being taught he needs to Fight, that he needs to be scary in order to be safe, and he is very afraid in a way that translates to anger because that's the way he learned to deal with that emotion." And then we (Guz and co) figure out how to work with that, how to start unravelling all the trauma that's packed into that behaviour, how to start unlearning those reactions and begin working on new ways of Being. He's got a safe environment now, where the people he's around genuinely care about him, where he doesn't have to scare the people around him in order to be respected and safe. Plumes and the squad love him, and Junebug loves him, and he doesn't want to hurt any of them. He also doesn't want to continue that cycle of abuse, doesn't want the grunts or anyone else to feel afraid of him like he was afraid of his dad, nor does he want any of the grunts to feel like they have to be aggressive to be safe in the world.

I'm also aware of the fact that I have white skin even if I am indigenous lol, and the little white-skinned partner appearing to be the "uwu soft niceys" one in the relationship with the big "aggressive" man with brown skin is uhhhh a really fucking awful look! really fucked up! And it's not something I'm interested in presenting to the world, even if it's just in this small circle of the internet. That's a really fucked up dynamic to be putting out there without context lmao.

Anyways, so even if Guz has that shit going on, I'm very careful with how I present it and aware of how it might come across, and if I ever step over any lines, people are more than welcome to holler at me and let me know I've fucked up!

Currently, I figure he was working on shit for a while before my self-insert came along (this is not a case of "i will fix you all by myself" because again... my white skin makes it look like white saviorism, plus I do not think thats a very interesting dynamic for me personally anyways lol, you gotta be putting in a bit of work yourself for me to stick around very long and help you out), and then Junebug showing up was just another motivational force to keep working on his shit. Guz has a good group of people around him and Junebug is just kind of a bonus in the situation. He'd be putting in the work either way, but they're just a little extra boost for him.

I think he’ll always have a bit of a tendency to react with the fight instinct rather than flight or freeze in situations where he is genuinely terrified and doesn’t have time to think through a reaction, but all of the rest of it improves. It’s amazing what a person can change about the way their brain is wired with enough time and effort and support!

[l-tora-l-archived]

HELLO CUTIE WHATS UR MAIN BLOG, SHARE PLS XOXO

HIIII sorry for taking like ten centuries to respond to this but like tbh ;; Im quitting tumblr I think. (ALSO UNI PLS IGNORE THIS LOL ITS MAINLY FOR EVERYONE ELSE CAUSE I ALR TOLD YOU ID POST THIS HAHA😭🙏)

Mega explanation under the cut talking abt some of the trashy behaviour I've had to experience on this forsaken app over the years, but mostly how I feel about it so yeah if you don't care that's alr hope everyone has a good life, cause as I said I quit.

I deleted the new blog I ended up making bc this environment has never really been welcoming to me and I can 100% say that tumblr has actively made my experiences with practically everything irl AND online worse than any fruitful goodness it has or could ever bring. From putting my everything into relationships including comfort, support and psychological + therapeutic sessions for people even over ten yrs older than me (at times older) without even getting a single kind thought back, to the genuine rudeness of some people, to the (excuse my language) but half assed and crude responses I receive ... honestly the list is endless.

One thing I'm trying to get better at is to notice when my presence is clearly not wanted and act accordingly. It's just saddening that the one place where it's encouraged to be your true "nerdy" self, as the catchphrase of this site is, I am not allowed to be just that. I really do wonder what part of me is so incredibly intolerable or forgettable, that I am expected to practically grovel for even ten minutes of people's time - and that's with the closest people I know, forget abt ten minutes for regular conversation I can't even get ten minutes from the people I stood with through thick and thin with, even though I myself struggle really hard to be there and yet always am.

From now on I'll just say that no I will definitely not come back, I will also not use this account and if I ever DO come back it would probably just be a call out thread on SOME people who deserve jail time more than silly time on tumblr dot come /hj (but not rlly hj hahejdsj this is so srs and continues to impact my life after almost 2 years ... but ugh what.ever.😀👍). But I'm also a coward ngl so like that would never happen !

I would say "oh btw I have this account you can keep in touch on ! :>" but truthfully, I am so let down by how uninteractive, uncaring and exclusionary everyone is no matter how hard I try to do the best I can to treat others how I'd love to be treated, and how I basically am sweating to keep convos going, bc in truth I don't think anyone rlly likes me enough here or anywhere really to even want to talk to me in general, so I'll spare you all that. The proof is literally in the fact that I've amassed a sizeable following which I am shocked with, yet despite it all I feel so lonely bc nobody even bothers with me at all whilst ppl who just start out get 50 best friends in such a short time frame. I see I am not everyone's cup of tea.

I once thought maybe just maybe I could have a good time online just how everyone suggests that online is better than irl and it is a reprieve for some. Looks like I am eternally unlucky bc how is online on par or perhaps even worse than irl for me ? And make no mistake irl is atrocious to me too.

I do not mean this to be passive aggressive but I just want to communicate my thoughts. If I was being passive aggressive that'd imply that I knew that everyone here was capable of treating me as I wanted, as I have consistently treated my "friends" on here, as a reciprocated effort. But as this thread suggests, that was and can never be a reality for me.

TLDR // not coming back bc :

People genuinely don't care or don't put in any effort at all

Bullies (mean ppl way at the beginning of my account) + I am let down how everyone let TWO whole adults get away with being weird to a then minor (me) right in front of your faces

Very traumatised and uncomfortable being on this app to the point I can barely even socialise at all from the precipitating impacts.

Hope everyone has a good life.