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just-liaa-01 · 2 years ago

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Has the Covid-19 pandemic changed the public perception of gaming?

People, I won’t trust you if you said you don’t know what gaming is or even what game is. Even my 3 years old cousin plays games. But, anyway as you might have already know, game is an activity that one engages in for amusement or fun, it could also be called as a sport which would involves your skills, knowledge, and a bit of luck, where you attempt to win against an opponent or solve a challenge while sticking to set rules. In today’s world, there are tons of exciting and fun games created. It comes in many different genre for example, narrative, adventure, action, puzzle, shooters (FPS and TPS), real-time strategy (RTS) and even horror games if you are brave enough to play one.

Okay, you might be curious, am I actually into games?

Well, my answer is YES! You could say that I’m a hardcore gamer. I used to play for 8 hours straight with my team members. As you can see from the screenshot above, yes I’m flexing my M4 Glacier right there. That’s know as Player Underground Battle Ground (PUBG Mobile). Most of my ranking achieved during the pandemic era where I have so much extra free time being lock in home all day. I usually sleep around 7 am to 12 pm pulling an all-nighter to fighting for a higher ranking. To an extent my body aren’t feeling well due to lack of rest and inconsistence sleep schedule. But do I learn from it? Haha, you wish, I’m still a night owl even now.

But trust me, when you’re in the gaming community or you’re playing game, you’ll find a new you and new friends who would surprisingly click even if its your first time meeting them.

What is the public perspective towards gaming now?

A game is an activity or sport in which the object is to overcome an opponent or solve a riddle while following a set of preset rules. Usually, this takes talent, knowledge, or chance. This demonstrates that it can assist you in solving problems better in addition to helping you pass the time when you're bored. Like television programs, music, or physical activity, games can help some people cope with what’s happening in their daily life.

Based on my research, to offer these gamers a voice and to learn more about how games have affected their daily life, Qutee, a data-driven platform, conducted a survey. In their 2018 study, 4,500 polls were cast, 835 people were polled, 95% of whom were between the ages of 18 and 34. Discussion subjects included community, stress, friends, fun, issues, and the positive effects of gaming on society. According to the polls, 89% of respondents think gaming is good for society, 44% think that increased emotional health is the main advantage, and 93% disagree with the media's representation of video games and violence. (Show - Let the show begin, 2022).

So you might be curios on how did gaming actually change the societal perspective? It seemed to have happened so smoothly and easily. Technology had already contributed to the rise in gaming, but celebrities elevated the genre. In 2018, Drake broke the record for the most concurrent viewers on a Twitch stream by playing Fortnite alongside Ninja. Similar to how kids copy their parents' or guardians' actions, we frequently use role models and well-known celebrities as examples of how we should act in social situations. Video games become popular in modern society because of celebrities and other influential people.

Gaming has gradually gained acceptance in the society over the years. It is now considered as one of the careers that one could pursue. But this takes a lot of dedication, patience, trainings, and also talent to become a professional gamer. This is not a career for everyone, even if gaming is your passion. As a matter of fact, professional gaming, or Esports, has grown to be a major industry with an estimated $1.5 billion in income by 2023. This is astonishing considering that, before the outbreak, people criticized professional gamers. (Singh, 2021).

This acceptance and improvement is what we love to see.

That being said, if you had the chance, would you pursue a career in gaming?

Thanks for reading, Anyeong my friends. See you!!

Reference

Singh, A. (2021). How to Become a Successful Professional Gamer? – UoPeople. University of the People https://www.uopeople.edu/blog/how-to-become-a-professional-gamer/#:~:text=Professional%20gaming%2C%20also%20called%20Esports,career%20isn't%20for%20everyone.

Show - Let the show begin. (2022). Show - How Society’s Views On Gaming Are Changing. https://www.show.gg/how-society-views-gaming/#:~:text=The%20polls%20showed%20that%2089,to%20video%20games%20is%20unjustified.

#week 10 #mda20009 #gaming #video games

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writingwithcolor · 4 years ago

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Rebellion in Ojibwe Society: Considerations for Pre-Contact Indigenous Peoples

@raconteuse3 asked:

Hi! I'm writing a fantasy story with an Ojibwe-like culture, and I'm wondering what rebellion/counter culture would look like in a tribal culture pre-contact? One of my characters has a rebellious spirit, but I keep writing her in a very ... American-teenage-rebellion way, which I know isn't a phase of life in all cultures. To rephrase in snarky terms, "what were Ojibwe punks up to 500 years ago?" I haven't been able to find any helpful information, so I thought I'd ask here! Thank you!

Traditional disclaimer: not raised under traditional parenting techniques, not from that nation, this is primarily pointing out structural differences in Indigenous society vs Western from a reconnecting person.

Teenagerhood as we know it is modern

When it comes to the concept of rebellion, there is one very important thing to keep in mind: how recent and privileged the concept of “teenagerhood is a sheltered time you figure yourself out” is. In a lot of traditional societies, you started helping doing the adult work in childhood alongside your parents. By teenage years you were a pretty valued member of the community, and were beginning to work on adult honours, were looking to get married, etc.

Pre-contact parenting traditions exists in modern day, too. You can absolutely look at very modern, very connected Indigenous societies and notice the way they structure work and parenting is different. Parenting traditions are going under a huge revival as communities heal from residential schools, and these traditional techniques are being preserved.

So what is she even rebelling against? She’d be in a world where she’d be granted a lot of autonomy, be able to do basically everything an adult could by this point, and would have been guided by people working alongside her. The traditional avenues of rebellion like “you don’t know what it’s like to grow up now” and “I’m not a kid stop treating me like one” are harder to rely on.

It’s really primarily an industrialization invention to have teen years be the “in between” years we know them as today. In modern times, teenage years are considered the years you focus on your education to eventually get started as an adult in your 20s, once you have a job that is in a separate institution to your family.

In non-industrial societies where the primary work available is what keeps the community running, and extra time is spent creating beauty (art, stories, music), or advancing our understanding of the world (medicine, scientific experiments). There is far less need for a period of being sheltered where all you do is educate yourself in order to be an adult; I’d assume the primary structures of teenage years would be based around helping teach emotional regulation.

A note: the average hunter-gatherer, according to anthropologists, only “does work” (to survive) about 20 hours a week. There would be plenty of time to do fun things in society.

And I’m sure somebody in the notes will mention it: yes, the fact that the average age was closer to 60-70 instead of 80-90 like we have in industrial society is part of it. But elders could and did live into their 80s pre-contact, so the point is less salient than you’d think.

Environmental controls didn’t exist

The other important thing to keep in mind is: there was only so much rebellion you could do before you ended up dead from the natural world.

Elders were those who had survived and whose wisdom you could use to help everyone’s survival. Counsel and collective leadership were often prized, along with young experience. Humility was often taught as a virtue because pride went out and got you killed, and greed would render the land uninhabitable.

So really, the likelihood of having her be rebellious in any way we’d recognize is slim to none. Traditional Indigenous parenting techniques are worlds different than American parenting techniques, and anthropologist after anthropologist has noted that kids in Indigenous societies—when those societies don’t have massive traumas that come from, say, residential schools and parents never being able to learn Indigenous practices—are way more well adjusted than Western teenagers.

If you’re dead set on having her be rebellious in some way: my biggest suggestion would be to read ethnographies of the Ojibwe that described their cultural practices and see if there were any social norms discussed around teenage rebellion; you could get lucky and find a gem of rebellion actively described, or you might have to read through a bunch and piece together a cultural context from them.

But you need to do this research anyway, so look for particularly thick and comprehensive tomes. As I said, this can be found in modern day, so you’re not super limited by time period. If you really want to focus on “as it was”, you’ll be looking for writings between 1850 and 1930.

(I’ve read one ethnography that mentioned an avenue of rebellion among the Omaha, written in 1911. It described how arranged marriages for teenage girls were common, but if the girl could get her chosen husband’s family to treat her as his wife, then the father couldn’t force her to marry the guy he chose. But that relies on a patriarchal society, even if the idea of a patriarchal society would have looked different at the time)

Look for things published by universities; those will have the best academic rigour. I’m not super well versed in the modern anthropology programs because my education stopped right before I got to that point, but an edu with a heavy involvement in the tribe will be the best.

Historically your best sources, or at least a place to look for sources, are those who had close connections with the tribe and lived there for extended periods of time, or even better had tribal co-writers. An example of the former would be Margaret Mead, who wrote Coming of Age in American Samoa, and she kind of single handedly brought breastfeeding back to American society. Her work is highly debated, but the Samoans she worked with loved her; she lived with them for most of her life, from her 20s to retirement. An example of the latter is Alice Fletcher, who co-wrote The Omaha Tribe with Francis La Flesche.

Ojibwe, please comment: What does “rebellion” look like to you?

~ Mod Lesya

#Asks #ojibwe #fantasy #parenting #parents #rebellion #native american #Teenagers #worldbuilding #family #Family Life

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krakenartificer · 4 years ago

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When I got my ADHD diagnosis, I looked at the questions on the screening form and thought, "If this result comes back positive, then I'm definitely not the only person in my family who has it." Questions like

"Have difficulty finishing one activity before starting another one" and

"I finish others' sentences before they can finish it themselves" and

"have trouble staying on one topic when talking"

...I thought were just weird quirks of my family, but no. When I got my results, I contacted my cousin, and she contacted her sisters and mother, and .. .. yeah. Basically everyone in my dad's side of the family is ADHD.

Now there are some problems with that, obviously, (getting family reunions to stick to a schedule is lol no) but there are some really fantastic perks. For one thing, no one in that family minds if I interrupt them while they're talking ... everyone's happy to keep 3 conversations going at the same time .... and no one minds if you fidget constantly.

But the best perk -- at least that I've found so far -- is that all of our parents have coping mechanisms, and passed them on to us. When I found myself unable to handle tasks with more than one step, my father didn't say "WTF are you talking about? It's easy! Just do the thing! Stop being lazy!" No, he could relate completely, and he sat down and taught me how to handle that.

So today, I'm going to pass on to you the coping mechanism my dad taught me for handling the "cannot put tasks in order / cannot get started / forget what I'm doing" problem. You'll need to adjust it for your own needs and your own struggles, but hopefully it'll be helpful in setting up your own process.

I'm going to walk through it with a big project I'm doing at work, just to have a concrete example. That will make some of the discussion specific to computer programming and technical writing, but I do the same thing for all my projects, so hopefully it'll be generalizable.

So to set the stage:

I was supposed to modify this piece of code -- we'll call it "Rosetta" -- to make it handle call data as well as what it was already doing. I did that.... but we now need the code to be able to handle calls (if that's wanted) but also to be able to handle NOT having calls (if THAT'S wanted).

Which is just .... ugh. So much. SOOOOOOOO much.

So. Break it down.

Step one is to get some recording mechanism - pen and paper, whiteboard, blank computer document, whatever

(Technically, this is a different coping strategy, so we'll just take a quick detour: WRITE THINGS DOWN. Your brain is shit at remembering things, and anyway you've already got limits on your working memory; why would you choose to tie up some of that limited resource in something that could be accomplished with literal stone-age technology? Don't even try to remember things. WRITE THEM DOWN.)

I like sticky notes: they're readily available in all offices, they're pretty cheap, and (most importantly) they can be rearranged if it turns out that I forgot a step or put the steps in the wrong order (which, like, let's be honest, I am definitely going to do). But they kill trees and create unnecessary methane emissions, so I've recently switched over to using virtual sticky notes. That's the format I'm going to use for this example, but you can use anything that meets your purposes.

So, you've got something to write with, you're ready to start.

The first question is: what are you trying to accomplish here? What would "done" look like? What is our goal?

I need to end up with a version of Rosetta that will make the correct results if you don't want calls, and will also make the correct results if you do.

The goal here is that you end up with a statement that you can definitively say (a) Yes this is what I wanted or (b)No this is not right because _______

In this case, in order to do that, I'll need to define "correct results" for both call- and non-call versions. But if I have that nailed down, then this statement meets that criterion: I'll be able to say "Yes, this is what I wanted: see, it makes the correct result for calls, and it makes the correct result for not-calls". Or else I'll be able to say, "No, this is wrong: see, it makes the correct result for calls, but on not-calls it does X and we wanted Y."

I have a clear, definitive standard about what I need to do and whether or not I've done it.

But there was a prerequisite there: I need to define "correct results".

So that goes on a sticky note: Create test that will compare my results to existing call!Rosetta-results and to existing not-call!Rosetta-results.

[ID: Two blue boxes, one on top of the other. The top one says in white text "Create test to compare my results to call!results" The bottom one says "Create test to compare my results to not-call!results"] OK. So now we know what we want. The second question is: what do we need to do in order to get that? Here's where the sticky-note recording system really shines, because you don't have to answer this question sequentially. You just start writing down every single thing that is not the way you want it to end up.

I need it to remove commas in the python script, not the bash script

I need to delete the first part of the get_runs() function, which doesn't do anything

I need to delete the rest of the parameters passed to build_query_script() function, because runs encompasses all the others

while we're on that subject, runs doesn't even need the group_variable, so let's pull that out of the parameter document

we also have a dmf defined, which the bash script demands but doesn't use; let's change that demand

since we're changing the structure of the parameter document, we don't need to pull new metrics for each run, so let's move that outside of the runs() loop and only run once

right now the parameter document is ALMOST but not quite "one row per template". Make it so it's actually one row per template.

among other things, that's going to require making it possible for a template to be followed by nothing at all, since it's the assumption that a template will have a metrics block after it that makes it not quite one row per template. So make it possible to publish a template with a null block

the other thing that's weirdly hard-coded is the definition of what a block looks like. Would it make more sense to separate that out into an input file, like the parameters document? On the one hand, that would make it much more flexible; on the other hand, that's another piece that can break. Don't know. Put a question mark on it.

etc

Here's what it looks like at the end of this step:

[ID: A black and white background showing many boxes in two different shades of blue, all with white text. Some of the boxes are overlapping each other.]

As you can see, at this phase you don't need to worry about any of the following:

ordering the tasks. Just stick 'em right on top of each other for now

how you're going to do any of this. Right now we just need to know what, not how

sticking to only one project. As I was working on this, it occurred to me that this whole process would have been a heck of a lot easier if someone had just made a user manual for this, and since I have to go through all the code line-by-line anyway, I might as well write up the documentation while I'm at it. (To help out future-me, if nothing else.) So I put those tasks on another color of sticky note.

making notes that make any ***ing sense to anyone else. This process is for you, and only you need to understand what you're talking about it. Phrase it in ways that make sense to your brain, and to hell with anyone else.

on that topic, also don't worry about making steps that are "too small" or "too dumb" to write down. This is for you. If "save document" feels like a step to you, then write it down.

You also don't need to get every single step involved in the project right now. Get as many as you can, to be sure, but the process is designed on the assumption that you ARE going to forget important steps, and is designed to handle that.

When you can't think of any more steps, then the third question is: what order does it make sense to do these in? Are there any steps that would be easier if you did another step first? Are there any that literally cannot be done unless another step is complete?

This is also a good place to group steps if they fit together nicely. When I used physical sticky notes, I used two different sizes; digitally I can of course make them whatever size I want.

So I have several documentation steps that (a) do need to be written to make sense to other people and (b) I really need to know what's going on before I can do that. I could write them now, but if I did, I'd just end up re-writing them based on things that change as I'm coding. So we'll move those to the end:

[ID: Three dark blue boxes with white text. They read "Create step-by-step instructions for creating your own metric agg", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a metric", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a query."]

These parts, though -- if I had all the variable structures written down, I could look at them while I'm coding. Then I won't have to keep scrolling back and forth in the code, trying to remember if it's an array or a dictionary while also trying to remember what part of the code I was working on. Brilliant. Move that to the front.

[ID: Seven dark blue boxes with white text, three large, four small. The first one is large and says "Write up explanation of how Rosetta works." The second one is large and says "Document structure of all variables." Attached to that one are four smaller boxes that say "All_blocks", "Runs", "metric", "New_block". The third large one says "Document what qb_parameters.csv contains"]

Also, while I'm at it, I should get the list of variables I need to document -- then I won't have to keep scrolling to find them. Make those sub-steps.

I definitely keep needing to look up what's in the parameters document, so I should write that down, too. For the user manual I also should write down what's in the metric document, but I don't need that for myself, so I can send that to the end.

[ID: The same three dark blue boxes from two screenshots ago (create step-by-step instructions for metric agg, modifying a metric, and modifying a query), now with another dark blue box in front of them with white text that says "Document what granular_metrics.tsv contains."]

These five are all small steps, and are all related in that they don't actually (hopefully) change the functionality of the code; they're just stuff left over from prior versions of this code. So we can lump them all together.

[ID: Five light blue boxes with white text that say "Delete first part of get_runs()", "Have build_query_script only receive the "run" parameter" "Delete dmf" "Move metrics=get_metrics() outside build_all_blocks (all the way up to the top level?" "Delete group_variable from qp_parameters"]

My brain likes this better, so that I can keep track of fewer "main steps", but that's just a peculiarity of me -- you should lump and split however you prefer to make this process easier for you.

[ID: The same five boxes from the prior screenshot, now all made smaller and attached to a larger box that says "Remove Legacy Code"]

Keep going, step by step, sticky by sticky, until you've got them in order. If -- while you're doing this -- you remember another thing you need to do, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile; you don't have to stop what you're doing to deal with it, because it's written down and it's on the pile and it will get processed; you can just keep working on the thing you're on right now.

[ID: All the same boxes from the first screenshot, now in a neat row. Some of the original boxes have been grouped together. The ones that were said to be at the beginning of the process are on the left and the ones that were said to be at the end are on the right.]

Step four: for the love of all that's holy, SAVE THIS LIST.

Write it on your cubicle whiteboard where it won't be erased

write it on a piece of paper and tape it to the office wall

send an email to yourself

take a picture with your phone

I don't care but save it.

When I used physical sticky notes, I kept them all on the hood of my cubicle's shelf. Now, as you can see, I use Powerpoint, which is irritating af but does allow me to keep everything in a single document, which I can write down the path of.

[ID: White text on a black background says "open ~/Documents/Rosetta\ Modifications\ and \Documentation.pptx" The next line says "Notes in Rocketbook pg 10-12, 16" The next line says "Turn that into documentation that can be used for making modifications."]

And now (finally) you can answer the question "How would I even get started on that?" You look at the first thing on the list, and you treat it as its own project. You can hyperfocus on this step and completely forget about everything else this project requires, because everything you need to remember for the rest of it is written down.

If, as you're working a step, you think of something else you need to do for the big project, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile. Don't even worry about trying to order it or identify sub-steps; as long as it's not blocking the thing you need to work on right now, you don't have to care. Just stick that bugger anywhere at all on the list, and go back to what you were doing. When you un-hyperfocus and come back to look at your list, there'll be a big sticky note stuck sideways across all the rest of the steps, and you'll remember to file and order it then.

Other benefits of this system

1) The first question really helps with unclear directions from your boss. You can take whatever they told you to do, and translate it into a requirement that is clearly either met or not-met, and then run it back by the boss.

If they say, "No, no, we want ______" then phew! You just saved a huge miscommunication and weeks of wasted work! What a good employee you are! What an excellent team player with strong communication skills!

If they say "Yes, that's what I want," then you know -- for sure -- what it is you're trying to accomplish. Your anxiety is reduced, and your boss thinks you're super-conscientious.

(And if your boss is a jerk who likes to move the goalposts and blame it on their subordinates, then have this conversation over email, so you can show it to their boss or to HR should it become necessary.)

2) Having this project map means that when you spend an hour staring at the requirements and trying to figure out how to get started (which, let's be honest, you were definitely going to do anyway) ... When your boss/coworker comes by and says, "How's it going?" Instead of having to say "I haven't even started 😞" You can say, "Pretty well! I've got all the steps mapped out and am getting ready to start on implementation!" and show them your list, and they think you're very organized and meticulous. 3) Sometimes, especially in corporate jobs, you and your coworkers will run into a problem that's too big for even Neurotypicals to hold all in their heads. At that point, the NTs will be completely lost -- they've never had to develop a way to handle projects they can't just look at and know how to get started. So then you pipe up in the meeting and say, "OK, well, what exactly are we trying to accomplish?" and everybody at the conference table looks at you like you're a goddamned genius and you don't have to tell them that you use this exact same process to remember how to make a sandwich 😅

4) Having this project map makes it so much easier to stop work and then start it up again later, but this post is already really really really long, so I'm going to address that in a separate (really really long) post.

#adhd #adhd life #tips #semi-solicited advice #gpoy #your mileage may vary #long post #very long post #sorry I wish I wrote more concisely too

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c-is-for-circinate · 4 years ago

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Thinking today about viruses, allergies, oppression, and anti culture.

(under a cut because WHOOOPS this got long)

Racism is a virus. Homophobia, transphobia, sexism, antisemitism, ableism, etc etc etc, they are all viruses--a topic that many of us have learned a great deal about in the past year. They are ideas, yes, not literal physical diseases, but the analogy holds up. They are infectious, and often spread from person to person without anyone involved realizing they have it. They can sit latent for years, never showing up because the carrier never finds themselves in a situation where the issue comes up, only to flare up and take over when you least expect it. And they mutate, just like the flu, just like the common cold; they put on a new jacket every year and slide in undetected yet again, slip past our internal sensors and bury themselves in our brains until we go in and deal with them as best as we can.

One more thing we've learned about viruses this year is how we can fight them. The viruses of oppression are a little different because they tend to hurt the people around their carriers even more than the people they've infected (although let's talk about internalized anything-ism sometime), but in a lot of ways the attack is the same. You treat the symptoms even when you don't know how to cure the disease: we invest in respirators, antiviral treatments, hospitals; we create and sponsor programs to help those who've been hurt by various oppressions, we uplift our neighbors, we try to keep people safe from violences both big and small. You work to stop the spread: we wear our goddamn masks, we stay home when we can; we train ourselves not to say racist shit that might foster a culture of hate, we stop that guy in our office from making rape jokes, we make slurs unacceptable. You pay attention to your immune system: we seek medical attention when we experience symptoms, we get COVID tests, we talk to our doctors before the symptoms get deadly; we protest and we pay attention to the people who do, we take them seriously when they tell us that something is wrong.

You vaccinate. We train ourselves and our immune systems to recognize the thing that infects us, the thing that we fear. We try to teach our children about history, bit by little bit, on fragments of dead violence the same way we train our bodies on dead virus shells, so that someday they'll recognize the live disease when they see it. We learn about slavery and Jim Crow and the Holocaust. We tell kids bedtime stories about why hitting and bullying is bad, before we ever start teaching them the specific shapes that violence so often takes. As we get older, as we get stronger, we learn about the living stuff, all the new forms that same old virus has mutated into; we educate ourselves, we listen, we read. Just like vaccines, of course, there are anti-vaxxers and denialists shouting about how racism and sexism are already dead and they don't need any propoganda besides Fox News. Hell, just like anti-maskers, there are plenty of people screaming about how political correctness is ruining the world and they demand their right to spread their virus to anyone they can. Often these are the same people.

But we try. And make no mistake, we all of us are already infected, and just like a real virus, once you've caught it once it probably won't ever go away again--but we can prepare, and we can try to lessen the severity of our cases, and we can support our immune systems of activists and protesters and our own internal sense of this is wrong, and we can work, bit by bit, if not towards eradication (not yet, not in this world, but maybe someday in another), then at least towards control.

And then there's allergies.

An allergy is what happens when a human body's own immune system freaks out over an enemy that wasn't particularly harmful in the first place. All our immune defenses--those precious immune defenses, which work so hard to protect us against all those viral, deadly ideas--go screaming into high gear. All of that fear and fury and attack power gets brought to bear all at once, against a bit of pollen or bee venom or cat dander or peanuts, and your body is left itchy and runny-nosed and gasping--sometimes literally--as it tries to keep up. Allergies are miserable. Sometimes they're life-threatening. And the biggest danger isn't the foreign agent that triggers the allergic reaction; it's the immune system trying to fight it in the first place.

Which, yes, brings us to anti culture--but not JUST anti culture. It's a good example, a little internet-centric microcosm of the same force that drives progressives to tear bloody shreds out of moderate liberal politicians. Hell, it's the same force that enables both TERFs and the Capitol rioters. It's a combination of an immune system that points in the wrong direction, flagging the wrong thing as bad, terrifying, danger, NO, and a freaked-out response that can manifest as anything from mildly irritating to absolutely deadly.

To be clear, I am not by any means equating the scale or even the source of these things, any more than hayfever is the same as anaphylactic shock. Likewise, the sources are different. Sometimes, a disease can infect an immune system and point it in the wrong direction. (Terror of the other is the absolute cornerstone of white nationalism, and when that terror gets triggered by a harmless environmental condition like, god forbid, other people asking for rights, the allergy response can be deadly.) Other times, it's the other way around. Our internal immune systems, so well trained to protect ourselves and those around us from the insidious viral ravages of prejudice and oppression, start seeing traces of it everywhere.

And they freak out. And we suffer for it.

We talk a lot of well-deserved shit about TERFs, but it's useful to remember how much their nastiness feels to them like activism. Their immune system, trained and primed and sensitized over years of exposure to misogyny and sexism, catches the tiniest whiff of something that might seem at some point to have possibly been taken for male, and freaks out, because why is that trying to get into our system. Never mind that they're wrong. An immune system that flips out over penicillin is wrong, too. It's still trying to help, and it's still doing more harm than good trying it.

So bringing this back around to anti culture, which was absolutely where I started thinking about all of this this morning: anti culture, the terror of porn and the attempt by antis to protect themselves an other people from sexual content, is an immune response. It is a trained immune response, in people who have been taught and re-taught again and again that rape culture is a dangerous insidious virus that should be fought at all costs. And, right, there's more than a bit of 'the sexism virus infected this immune system and reprogrammed it to fight itself' involved here, but look, we are all of us infected with all of the viruses at least a little bit everywhere. If we tried to direct our immune systems to rip every last shred of -ism out of every last bit of us, we'd rip ourselves apart. Which is exactly the problem.

Porn, in and of itself, is natural. As natural as environmental pollen, and living near dogs and cats, and eating wheat or nuts or citrus fruit. It's even healthy, for a whole host of reasons that belong in another essay. And citric acid and nut-based proteins and whole grains are nutritious, and pets are physically and psychologically helpful, and being exposed to lots of different environmental substances as a child can actually help train your immune system in the first place. Porn can help us figure out what we like. It can help us figure out what we don't like. And while the processes that create it are sometimes unethical and awful, we don't condemn all dogs because puppy mills and dogfighting rings exist, even if we do have dog allergies.

What we see in anti culture is often a good-faith attempt on the part of antis to attack and subdue an environmental trigger that they read as dangerous. It's a panic attack over something that is by nature harmless or mildly harmful, blown out of proportion by the very instincts that are supposed to keep us safe. It's the response of an immune system that's been taught over years and years, by everyone from parents to school systems to the activists they look up to, that negative stimulus is to be feared, avoided, and fought. Of COURSE they're going to freak out.

And of course, early exposure to controlled amounts of allergens can help prevent later allergies from developing. Of course when kids are raised with abstinence-only education, sheltered from the very concept of sex, they're going to grow up allergic to it. (Of course they're going to try to protect other kids from the same, like worried mothers who refuse to let peanuts or wheat products or dirt near their precious babies, whose kids grow up with a whole suite of allergic triggers because their bodies never learned what was okay in the first place.) And no, that doesn't mean we hand pornography to ten-year-olds any more than we should give raw honey to an infant--but of course if our culture refuses to introduce kids to the fact that sex and desire and the inside of their own brain can be messy and silly and kinky and downright weird, we're going to have a higher rate of allergic reaction to the entire concept in adults.

I wish I had a better answer for what to do with understanding that this is what's going through so many people's brains. The best I have is a prescription for allergy-sufferers, who probably haven't read this far through this wordspew of an essay in the first place--but we all get a little hayfever once in a while, and we all sometimes run into content that makes us angry. So some thoughts on how to deal with metaphorical allergic reactions, inspired by the ways we deal with literal ones?

First: we recognize that what is happening is an allergy. The thing we're reacting to might be gross, or irritating, or even unpleasant, but the danger is not and never has been the thing itself. Whether it's triggering a response because of its similarity to an actively dangerous pathogen, or our immune system just doesn't like it, our aversion to one kind of story or another universally says more about us than about it. Luckily, we have a lot more control over our social responses than our biological ones!!! If vocal activism is our sociocultural immune system firing itself up to fight an infection that may or may not exist, then we get to tell our metaphorical white blood cells to stand down. We get to decide.

Second: we get some space. The funny thing about allergies is, while early exposure to allergens can help prevent them, re-exposing yourself to dangerous allergens after you've already developed a reaction to them can make them worse. Anaphylaxis is always more likely after someone's experienced it the first time. Repeated exposure to triggers, whether biological or psychological, can make the effects worse. So stop exposing yourself.

If something makes your throat itch every time you eat it, stop eating it. If something makes you mad every time you read it, stop reading it. Obviously this can be easier said than done in a world that's a lot worse about warning labels on stories than ingredients labels on foods, but that's why fic tags exist. And: sometimes, the croissant is delicious enough that we decide we're willing to suffer through the way the almonds make us feel, just this once. Sometimes the ship or the characterization or, hell, those other kinks that we really like are tasty enough that we'll put up with the trope we hate. We're allowed to do that. But we do it knowing there will be consequences, and we don't blame the baker when they hit.

We also don't have to blame ourselves. It sucks to be allergic to shellfish when all your friends are raving about the new seafood place. But that's not our fault any more than it's theirs.

Third: sometimes, if we need one, we go to the doctor. Or a therapist. Yes, really.

Not because there's anything really wrong with an aversion or even mild breakouts of hives, annoyance, and bitching in your friends' DMs--but it sure isn't pleasant, and sometimes your doctor might have a better solution than 'avoid it and take a Benadryl' that makes you feel a little better in the long run. And sometimes, it's not a mild breakout. Sometimes it's the kind of story that lingers with you for days, makes your skin crawl; sometimes your throat swells up and it gets hard to breathe. Sometimes we get angry enough about something we've read that we can't stand down our immune system, don't want to stop ourselves from writing that angry comment, that tumblr post, that abuse report to the mods for something that didn't actually break any rules. And that's dangerous, because when our immune response can flare out of control like that, we don't always know where and when it will happen next, and the risk of what we'll do if it happens gets way, way higher.

Sometimes it really is worth getting a second opinion. Sometimes you need somebody to tell you, "actually, it is not normal to get tingly and sweaty every time you eat potatoes." There are ways to train your brain and leash your white blood cells that I sure as heck am not expert enough to address. There are, it turns out, ways to feel better. There are ways to mitigate the damage your own well-meaning defense mechanisms might do to yourself or other people along the way.

And: we can take a deep breath when someone with an allergy to something we've baked, something we've written, something we like, is lashing out trying to protect themselves and everyone around them from something they've registered as a threat. Of course they're wrong. Yes, we told them there were tree nuts in the brownies ahead of time; yes, they chose to eat them anyway. But it can be worth reminding them and ourselves that there's a difference between "this thing is toxic" and "this harmless thing has driven my own system into a defensive response that sure makes it feel like I've been poisoned." And it can be worth reminding ourselves as well as them that sometimes, that difference can be really hard to spot.

#driveby meta attack #I guess #whoops I essay'ed #this was not meant to get this long #welp #anti discourse day

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swanlake1998 · 4 years ago

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Article: Moving Over: A Powerhouse of Black Dance Is Retiring (Mostly)

Date: September 2, 2021

By: Charmaine Patricia Warren

Joan Myers Brown, the founder of Philadanco, is stepping back if not quite away from her duties. She still goes to the office every day.

Rushing to our Zoom interview from an in-person audition at the Philadanco studios, Joan Myers Brown opened the conversation by making me laugh. She asked for a reminder of what we were doing and then said, “What an honor, you want to talk about me — only thing I usually talk about is Philadanco.”

Myers Brown is the keeper of all things Black dance, and Philadanco (or, the Philadelphia Dance Company) is the troupe she founded in 1970. Now, after more than 50 years, she’s “moving over,” as she calls it, stepping back but not quite stepping away from the daily work of running the company.

At 89 (she turns 90 on Christmas Day), she is full of energy, and her memory is impeccable. Given the floor, she will share her love of dance, especially Black dance, for which she has been a champion and an institution builder.

True to her Philadelphia roots, in 1960 she founded the Philadelphia School of Dance Arts, for African American children; then Philadanco in 1970; in 1988, the International Conference of Black Dance Companies; and then in 1991, the International Association of Blacks in Dance (I.A.B.D.), which supports the Black dance community through gatherings, presentations, education and career guidance.

Of course, none of this existed when Myers Brown started studying ballet at 7 with Essie Marie Dorsey, whose school catered to Black children. (Dorsey, who passed for Spanish, had studied ballet with whites.) At 17, in the segregated 1940s, Myers Brown got the bug to become a ballerina from a white teacher, Virginia Lingenfelder, and was the first and only Black student in Lingenfelder’s ballet club.

Later, she studied at the Ballet Guild, where she was again the only Black student, and was spotted there by the British choreographer Antony Tudor, who invited her to take his class. “He was coming from England, so he didn’t have that American prejudice stuff,” Myers Brown said. “He taught me like I was the same as the others and not like an intruder.”

She never became a professional ballerina. “Other than Janet Collins, Blacks were not hired at that time,” she said, referring to the first African American prima ballerina with the Metropolitan Opera. But because of Tudor, Myers Brown performed in a community production of Michel Fokine’s “Les Sylphides” with the Ballet Guild and the Philadelphia Orchestra. At 19, Tudor encouraged her to move to New York; instead, she commuted to study with the dancer and anthropologist Katherine Dunham. “I would’ve been afraid to go to New York and live alone,” Myers Brown said.

She became a successful revue dancer and seized every opportunity to take class on her travels. “I read every book on ballet and dance, and then I chose to teach because I didn’t get the opportunities I wanted,” she said. “That’s when I started my school and tried to teach what I remembered.”

The Black dance community reveres her, and the world has been noticing. She was the subject of a 2011 book, “Joan Myers Brown and the Audacious Hope of the Black Ballerina,” by Brenda Dixon Gottschild. And in 2012, President Obama presented her with the National Medal of the Arts.

I met Myers Brown, or Aunt Joan as she is known to those close to her, when we were both instructors at Howard University in the early 1990s. Like me, those who’ve walked alongside her know that she is a powerful force, a leader who has set the tone for Black dance organizations to follow. And though Myers Brown is stepping back from her role at Philadanco, make no mistake: She still goes to the office, and is very involved.

When talking to Myers Brown, you bring your best because her presence demands it. She is always dressed to the nines, but her elegance is balanced by her lack of pretension and her quick, sometimes sharp, tongue.

“You didn’t ask me any questions,” she said near the end of our talk. I did, but they flowed organically because Aunt Joan made it so easy.

Below are edited excerpts from our conversation.

Charmaine Patricia Warren: So, what made you decide it was time to step away?

Joan Myers Brown: Guess, just guess! I’ll be 90 years old. I have four dance companies, two dance schools and six grandkids. I’ve been working 15-hour days for 50 years, plus my school will be 60. I’ve given enough of my life to this, but I don’t own it.

Charmaine Patricia Warren: What do you mean you don’t own it?

Joan Myers Brown: Founder’s syndrome. After a while, the founder don’t mean anything because the company and organization have outgrown them.

Charmaine Patricia Warren: How are you feeling about moving over, as you call it?

Joan Myers Brown: I’ve settled on moving over, and I appointed Kim Bears-Bailey as artistic director. Now I have to let her know it’s OK to do what she thinks and let her make mistakes. But I need a managing director, someone who is committed to moving something other than their own aesthetic forward.

Charmaine Patricia Warren: Kim was first at Philadanco, in 1981, as a dancer. Did she make an impression on you back then?

Joan Myers Brown: She did. She was one of those girls that I don’t think ballet companies would have liked. You know how they do us when we are Black and we just don’t look the part. She wanted it, and was willing to put forth the work, and I said, “Why don’t you audition for Ailey?” She said, “Everything I need is here.”

Charmaine Patricia Warren: Was there a search for an artistic director?

Joan Myers Brown: Not artistic, managing. I’ve had three white girls come into my organization with all the qualifications, but there was a sensitivity chip about Blackness missing. They have to think differently about how they treat Black people and know what we need. When I was looking for a development director, I hired a company of three ladies.

Charmaine Patricia Warren: Are they Black?

Joan Myers Brown: No. White. I had to school them.

Charmaine Patricia Warren: Does Kim run the school also?

Joan Myers Brown: Well, the school is not part of the company. The first 10 years the company was housed in the school, but when we purchased the building, we reversed the roles. The school pays rent to the company. I kept the school for profit so I would be guaranteed an income as a single parent.

You know, the String Theory School wants to build a new location, a charter school, and call it the Joan Myers Brown School of the Arts.

Charmaine Patricia Warren: Wait, they’re naming a school after you?

Joan Myers Brown: Yes, and they want me to develop a curriculum, so I put Ali [Willingham, artistic director of Danco3] there because he teaches the way I like people to teach — know the craft, break down the movement, demand growth and not show off. Our youth are caught up in getting the applause and not learning the craft, so when I find the ones that really want to learn, they have someplace for classes and performing opportunities.

Charmaine Patricia Warren: The Black Lives Matter movement isn’t new to you, is it?

Joan Myers Brown: I experienced that in 1962, 1988 and 1995. Every time white folks in charge throw money out there and say, “Y’all got to help Black people,” they help us, but when the money’s gone, they’re gone. Have you noticed how every ad in Dance Magazine has a Black person? It’s like they are saying, “Look, I got one!”

Charmaine Patricia Warren: Did you envision I.A.B.D. conferences as a home base for the Black dance community?

Joan Myers Brown: You know, the first few conferences we were a mess, but we were happy to be together. Cleo [Parker Robinson] is from Denver; Jeraldyne [Blunden] was Dayton; Lula [Washington], Los Angeles; and Ann [Williams], from Dallas. And each time we learned something about our own organizations, about others doing the same thing, and how we can help each other. Mikki Shepard pulled us together, and people said we set the plate for DanceUSA. I was on the board of DanceUSA then. I said, “I got to get away from here and start my own thing because this ain’t helping Black people at all.”

The younger members want to ignore the things we learned, and their opinions are valid, but I say experience teaches you something. I.A.B.D. was a gathering to bring us together and share stuff, now it’s a full-fledged service organization.

Charmaine Patricia Warren: Do you miss the early gatherings?

Joan Myers Brown: It wasn’t like, “Girl, you got to come,” but more like, “let’s be together.” And when Jeraldyne died, we were a mess. Debbie [Blunden-Diggs] is stepping up to the plate now.

Charmaine Patricia Warren: The Philadanco family is huge, isn’t it?

Joan Myers Brown: We have a saying: You “gon” — without the “e” — but you’ll be back. A girl from my summer program told her mom, “I want to go back to Philadelphia because they give the training I need.” And her mother said, “I used to be in Philadanco 25 years ago, I’m going back with you.” She moved back, and I put her in charge of my minis.

I’ll give you another example: My first company was football players. I had no big boys in the school, saw them playing at my old high school and asked them to be in a show. They were more interested in the girls at first and refused to wear tights. I couldn’t pay them, but the Negro Trade Union Leadership Council was paying Black boys to learn trades. I told them to go in the morning, learn the trade, get that check, and then come for class at night, and they caught the bug. One of the boys owns a company and does my renovations now.

Everybody can’t teach or choreograph; I encourage all of my dancers to have a second career so that when you stop dancing you can do something else.

Charmaine Patricia Warren: What do you wish for?

Joan Myers Brown: Well, I’m wishing that people would understand that I need to shore up this organization. So, if I drop dead, the organization won’t be saying, “Aunt Joan ain’t here, what are we going to do?” I want them to say, “Do this, and take care of that.”

Charmaine Patricia Warren: You always have a Plan B, so what is it?

Joan Myers Brown: I like living alone. I like being single. I had three husbands, I’m fine. My Plan B is to do nothing, but I realized that people pay me to talk so I might do some more of that.

Charmaine Patricia Warren: Did I forget anything?

Joan Myers Brown: No. Well, yes, I do what I do because it needs to be done. And I believe in helping people that need help, and if they don’t pay back, it’s OK. The last thing I can say is that being Black in America is being Black in America, and it ain’t easy.

#joan myers brown #article #the ny times #ballet

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saultrunner48-theicebreakers · 4 years ago

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BLOG NUMBER 4: The Struggles of a Senior White American Man

In loving memory of Anna Bitterman, known to the kids as Grandma Anna, who succumbed to COVID-19 in March 2020. We miss you, but your warm presence encourages us still.

Four nights have passed since I read James Baldwin’s 1979 speech at University of California, Berkeley. His words yet burn in my ears and sear at my soul. The concepts flowing from his now still lips are in repeat mode within my consciousness. I feel ignorant. I sense a course adjustment in my essay.

Two statements from Baldwin’s address have affected the direction of my research. The first, “Every white person in this country – I don’t care what he or she says – knows one thing … they know they would not like to be black here.” The second, “… we find ourselves up against a vast machinery of racism which infects the country’s entire system of education.”

(James Baldwin at his estate in Southern France, Phot published in Semana, September 12, 2021, https://www.semana.com/periodismo-cultural---revista-arcadia/articulo/james-baldwin-escritor-negro-estadounidense-treinta-anos-tras-su-muerte/67273/)

Those two sentences alone bast away at the foundations of my essay on the Path to Shine® efforts with school children but, more significantly, question the assumptions and very motivations for my involvement in this educational program. Do I, as a white person, have blinders that hinder my effectiveness serving the children, 85 percent of whom are people of color. Am I, essentially, a collaborator in my interactions and cooperative plans with a public school system that is unintentionally destined to fail students of color? These questions haunt me – I am powerless to ignore them.

In the early 1970s as an Air Force sergeant, I had in my crew a young white airman who grew up in poverty in Eastern Arkansas. A great mechanic, he will be identified simply as Eddie. Eddie loved to drink – drink led him to tales of his scrappy town and the black neighborhood of his childhood. The Motown sound of the time set his memories back to adults who had helped him and contemporaries who had befriended, almost all African American. One night, listening to the Four Tops and others, a stewed Eddie began to cry, “Saaarrg, why do ya think God made me white? I hate being white ... I always wanted to be black!” I was baffled; however, I eventually recalled the Eddie’s military pals were seldom white. He felt trapped by his race.

(Photo courtesy of USAF)

The fact that I was baffled by Eddie’s confession was and is a telling window into the soul of a person who, fundamentally, judged his heart free of bias. I was not!

Obviously, a brief essay on the subject of “The Ice Breaker” cannot and should not resolve these two questions in their impact on my Path to Shine® efforts: the posing of these questions may need suffice. However, my essay approach now includes two factors that, in the long run, will feed on each other: how has my service to elementary school children impacted their lives and, perhaps more crucially, how has this service and the children themselves impacted my life?

The demographics of Path to Shine® student participants include 56 percent African American, 33 percent Hispanic, and the minority balance are of Caucasian origin. Since these statistics do not represent the demographic breakdowns of the communities our programs serve (some, such as Dunwoody, Georgia, are affluent and predominantly white communities), intellectual curiosity begs questions of the whys. Why do the school systems, teachers, and parents appear incapable of guiding floundering students to the goal of high school education? Why does our population of students differ significantly from the ethnic and economic backgrounds of the communities we serve? My research goal is to uncover contributing factors without firm conclusions.

A YouTube® video exists that engages a diverse group of high school students in the prospect of winning $100 in a foot race. However, before the race begins the “coach” gives each student a two-paces-forward advantage for each question answered “yes”. Each question is based solely on economic and family background with no regard for individual capabilities. For example, two-pace-forward increments are rewarded when parents are still married, if a father figure lives at home, if participants never worried about getting a meal, if the student went to a private school, and so forth. The result was that the “starting lines” differed for nearly each student: the kids with the greatest number of “yes” answers were far ahead of the “no’s”, through no efforts of their own. Incidentally, white students in the group found themselves, in general, ahead although the race had not begun.

youtube

In his highly influential blog on American education (The Edvocate), Dr. Matthew Lynch claims that multiple of reasons exist why our education systems fail some students. His reasoning includes several factors that also influence the kids who participate in our Path to Shine® programs, including limited parental involvement (parental apathy, single parent, or multiple job parent homes), insufficient school resources, lowered expectations for certain racial and economic backgrounds among educators, and an inability to achieve education equity among all demographic groups. Given that Dr. Lynch’s pronouncements were established nearly forty years following Baldwin’s 1979 speech, one wonders if the same speech could be addressed to a contemporary audience with similar accuracy.

(https://www.theedadvocate.org/10-reasons-the-u-s-education-system-is-failing/)

While my heart breaks in the hearing of Baldwin’s words, my intellect suggests that a degree of progress may have been achieved since 1979: are white folks like me less likely to hold the lot of black folks in a less pitiable perspective, and is the American education system still harboring the “vast machinery of racism”?

I am in the process of interviewing five persons who have committed goodly portions of their time to improving the prospects of children whose backgrounds represent known learning disadvantages: Rev. Leslie-Ann Drake, the founder and current executive director for Path to Shine®, a parent-family school liaison for a Fulton County, Georgia elementary school, a former instructor for a local preparatory academy who recently resigned to accept a teaching role in the Fulton County School System, an Episcopal priest who sponsored a Path to Shine® program through her church, and my spouse, Donald, who has also offered three years of dedication to local elementary school kids. My questions have changed to a degree because of James Baldwin’s perspectives.

(Photo of College Park Mayor Bianca Motley Broom by Michael Isham)

My goal is to illustrate that the learning process for those who guide the “ice breaker” across the treachery of a frozen path is as meaningful for them as it is for the children they serve.

#Youtube

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daisychvins · 4 years ago

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｡･ﾟﾟ･ — introduction.

introducing ... violet’s demise ! aka grayson aka her big brother she’s been wiring money to stay away in europe <33333

name: grayson swag money jeon age: 22 turning 23 (don’t ask me about his sign that’s for liza to figure out someday <3) gender: cis male; he/him hometown: baltimore, maryland sexuality: bisexual & biromantic

listen i was feeling rlly committed to completing his stats but i’m already over it so don’t ask dont tell xx anYWAYS let’s get on to the juicy stuff hehe

i tend to ramble a lot so this intro is gonna be probably a mixture of paragraphs and bullet points and everything in between but let’s start simple. also i rlly wanna emphasize a massive DRUGS TW bc his character largely revolves around his interest in and addiction to drugs

blackmails

grayson is claiming that he's been in a rehab program for the last year and is now completely sober and reformed when he really was just using the money to party and travel throughout europe.

without his parents paying to support him now, he's had to start dealing to make ends meet and keep up appearances. it’s mostly coke, but he dabbles in harder substances depending on what his connections can get him.

grayson dabbles with calligraphy and was notorious for forging excuse notes and parent signatures all throughout high school and even now sells forgeries for a quick buck. the most notable of these was xavi’s letter of recommendation that helped him get into yale.

background

grayson is violet’s older brother!!1 yes, that’s right, THE big brother who’s been out of the country getting LIT (and by lit i mean he’s been traveling europe on a series of solo trips w his parents’ money and doin lots of recreational drugs)

i haven’t fully fleshed out the dynamic he has w his parents but just know it’s ,, bad ASDHFJNK basically the jeons treated their children like accessories and expected them to be their little trophies and grayson just was not having that as a kid!!! so he acted out a lot and obviously got himself into a pretty bad scene (thank u goosie) and is basically the bane of his parents existence at this point <3 yet they still try to appease him to keep him under control but that’s for the family task to work out hehehehe

despite hating his parents, he adores both of his siblings. before the drug use started, he was always a big nurturer and would have done anything for either of them......now he wouldn’t be caught dead praising violet but he loves her in secret from afar HSJDFKG

yeah basically he met goose when he was around 15 i think????? and got introduced to drugs around 16 or 17 i wanna say and by the time he graduated high school he was just....a much different person than the soft big brother he used to be. his parents sent him off to europe pretty much as soon as he turned 18 under the guise of going to school internationally, but grayson obviously knew the truth and understood that he was being sent away so he wouldn’t be his parents problem anymore.

he basically spent the last four years galavanting europe and just....trying to enjoy it???? but it’s hard to enjoy an extended vacation when u have no family or friends on ur side anymore </3 he basically used the money to stay in hostels and worked odd jobs here and there to stay afloat and keep supplied w the...special goods....but yeah lots of drugs, alcohol, sex, and recklessness but he DID learn a couple languages??? or at least enough to get through some pretty basic conversations in most european countries so <3 guess it’s all okay then!!!!

anyways idk what else to put here that u won’t just find out in the family task so uhhhhhh idk lmk if u need anything else i guess

present/personality

so now grayson is just vibing at yale obviously ummm he actually got super into writing after high school, especially poetry. he used to carry journals full of just random prose about his addiction and his deepest thoughts, as well as probably some lighter stuff about his love escapades or maybe goose idk...basically he used poetry as an outlet and it allowed him to really ground himself and find his place in the world even if it didnt include who he thought it would SO with that being said, grayson got into yale due to a poetry competition he was a part of. he saw some big fancy competition being advertised and on a whim decided to submit some poem about his struggles with addiction and losing his family (a v raw piece that he didn’t expect to ever see the light of day) and he actually ended up winning! it caught yale’s attention and they invited him to apply and, knowing how much it would probably disturb his little sister, grayson very smugly applied and was pretty stoked to see he got in

because that poem gained such publicity, it was assumed that he was a survivor of addiction and was writing from a sober perspective. he didn’t want to correct anyone, so he just went with it and has basically crafted this story about his massive success and has become an advocate for addiction treatment and rehabilitation. of course, none of the companies that sponsor him or the events that host him as a motivational speaker know that he’s snorting lines in the bathroom beforehand or dealing to half the elites, but that’s between grayson, god, and the blackmailer !

basically grayson showed back up because of violet’s blackmail being exposed. he was off in europe, unable to defend himself, and with a massive vendetta against his family so he decided what better way to reenter society than by publicly outing himself as a martyr <3333 his plan is basically to bash the family name to fulfill whatever angsty coming of age arc he has in store for him to make up for the pain of being sent away .... really angsty yeah </3 rip grayson

anyways yeah he’s a total fake. he’s been using his status as a martyr to his advantage a lot, the best example being his recruitment into the elites. he guilted them into accepting him by discussing the PR benefits of recruiting a member that struggles with addiction and how supporting addiction treatment and second chances would be such a good look for them. like he basically threatened to publicly expose them for denying him due to his troubled past and accuse them of being exclusionary so they said boop ! ur in. now the elites are proud advocates for second chances <3333

i would describe grayson as fearless, overconfident, infamous due to his condition being exposed recently, a little gloomy, he’s kind of just got this chip on his shoulder and feels like he has something to prove....he’s gotta be better than his parents, gotta stick it to them and to violet and to everyone who doubts him. he’s a grumpy guy with a massive vendetta and a need for some kind of justice. he just doesn’t know what that is yet. despite all of the bad, however, he’s genuinely a pretty good guy. he’s really goofy and a genuine person, pretty friendly with literally everyone until they give him a reason not to be. basically, unless you are a member of the jeon family he probably likes you or is at least cordial to you (unless we plot differently ofc but u know). he’s just a big lovable dummy with some sweet drug connects and a knack for poetry. he also knows calligraphy but that’s beside the point .

idk if this is enough to describe him but yeah if u have any questions just let me know hehe

this is probably gonna make things hard but considering violet was just exposed i think that he’s pretty new to yale ???? like probably just transferred in/started this spring semester rather than being here for the entire year/a prolonged amount of time so most of our plots will likely have to be newer/center on him first showing up OR we can establish their connections from pre-europe which is also fine w me....idk i didnt rlly think this timeline through so let’s just plot and see what happens aghbfjnd anyways i included some connection ideas to help us all just in case

wanted connections

i’d say he’s the honorary dealer of the elites aghbdfjn so literally anyone who needs a plug could be a potential connection. we can obviously tweak this and customize it to each character <3

maybe someone who met grayson in europe. they could have travelled together for an extended period of time or even just a brief encounter. he was over there for four years, so the possibilities are endless.

building off the last one, this same connection could work with a romantic interest. maybe they were romantically involved for a time in europe and fell out of touch or maybe grayson/your muse just left in the middle of the night and they never saw each other again until now and maybe there’s some unresolved feelings/one-sided longing or need for closure. it could also be that they just hooked up whenever this person was in the area and that was that, no strings attached.

maybe someone who genuinely believes that grayson is actually sober and really admires his strength and idk maybe they’re struggling w their own issues and seek advice from him or maybe they just make it harder for him to actually do his thing bc they’re constantly around and it’s not like they can catch him strung out and acting up

someone in the literature department or with a background in english or writing. someone he could read poetry to, or share his favorite lines with. someone who’s taken the same professors and can tell him who to watch out for or what to expect. idk i just want him to have someone to share his passions with. maybe a little crush is forming? maybe they’re just friends who share a love of fiction? idk i’m open to literally anything

he’s sort of a motivational speaker now bc he advocates for rehabilitation resources and stuff so like maybe ur muse saw him give a presentation or participate in some kind of seminar and they called bullshit on him after the show bc they were like,,, bro i literally saw u partying w max and avery last weekend what the fuck are u on about and now they could potentially hold that blackmail over his head hehe......

exes plots are always fun we love angst in this house

fuck it let’s bring another family member BHJFNGKM no but grayson rlly is a nurturing guy and like....definitely develops unhealthy attachments to cope w his loss of family so he’d love all the sibling-like bonds he can get to kinda numb the pain of “””””losing””””” violet

if none of these interest you i’m literally so down for anything pls just let me know and i’m happy to brainstorm always <333333

thank u for reading this....smooch .

#anyways this is just under 1900 words whoops #stream of consciousness wins again #intro #literally dont even have my tags sorted yet dont talk to me .

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uncloseted · 5 years ago

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do you think if i go running daily or at least 4 times a week that i’ll lose weight even if i don’t count calories and eat just three meals a day? it sounds dumb but my parents are super controlling and don’t want to let me lose weight or count calories bc they say i don’t know anything about nutrition and i’ll just make myself sick. i want to lose weight bc i’m overweight so it’s not even like an eating disorder i just want to get in better shape /:

So there are a couple of things here. The first thing I would strongly encourage is to make sure that your current weight is 1) actually overweight, and 2) a cause for concern. When you’re a teenager (as I imagine you are), weight loss is only really advised if you’re significantly overweight and it poses a risk to your health. Because you’re still growing and going through puberty, your body is going to change a lot. You need those extra calories to make sure your body has the energy it needs to grow. If your doctor hasn’t brought up losing weight in your last appointment with them, I would try not to worry about it too much right now.

That said, I think it’s important to understand how weight loss works so you can avoid dangerous weight loss programs and products, so I’ll go into it a little bit here. Weight loss is really just a math equation (if calories eaten is less than the calories you burn, you gain weight. If the calories eaten is equal to calories burned, you maintain). One pound of weight loss is around a 3500 calorie deficit. From there, typically what you’ll want to do is estimate how many calories your body burns a day, based on your height, weight, and level of activity (that’s called your TDEE). If you eat fewer calories than your TDEE, you’ll lose weight. You can do that by either reducing the number of calories you eat, or by upping your TDEE through exercise.

The difficulty with exercise as a weight loss method is that it’s much easier to eat 300 calories than it is to run off 300 calories. If you’re running about a 10 minute mile and you exercise for 30 minutes, for example, you’ll burn around 300 calories (depending somewhat on your height, weight, age, and level of fitness). For reference, a grande Starbucks Caramel Macchiato is around 250 calorie and a Big Mac is 563 calories. So it can be difficult (but not impossible) to lose weight with exercise alone and without knowing how much you’re eating on a given day. That said, exercise will help you get into better shape. Regardless of your weight, exercise can help increase your heart health, reduce your risk of certain cancers, help your body manage blood sugar and insulin levels, boost your energy, strengthen your muscles and bones, help you sleep better, and improve your mood. Doing some exercise most days of the week is a great idea, even if it’s just walking outside for 30 minutes.

I would recommend trying to get into the habit of exercising regularly before you start worrying about losing weight using exercise as a tool. It can be tempting to set goals for ourselves that are big- “I’m going to exercise for an hour a day, five days a week”- but then if we can’t consistently live up to those goals, it’s discouraging and we’re less likely to attempt them in the future. Try to set an exercise goal that’s SMART(ER):

SMART(ER) goals are ones that are:

Specific (simple, sensible, significant).

If your goal isn’t specific, you won’t be able to focus your efforts or feel motivated to achieve it.

Try to answer: what do I want to accomplish? Why is this goal important? Who is involved? Where is it located? Which resources or limits are involved?

Measurable (meaningful, motivating).

Having measurable goals is important because it allows you to track your progress and stay motivated by seeing how far you’ve come.

A measurable goal should be one that answers “how much”, “how many” and “how will I know when it’s accomplished”?

Achievable (agreed, attainable).

Your goal needs to be realistic in order for you to stay motivated and be successful. If you’re aiming too high, you’ll become demotivated quickly because it doesn’t feel like you’re making progress.

An achievable goal requires you to ask “how can I accomplish this goal” and “how realistic is this goal based on other constraints?”

Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based).

Relevant goals are ones that matter to you. Make sure that these goals are ones that are important to you, not ones that you think you should be pursuing.

A relevant goal is one that can answer “yes” to the following questions: “does this seem worthwhile?”, “is this the right time?”, “does this match my other efforts/needs?”, “is it applicable in my current socio-economic environment?”

Time bound (time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, timely, time-sensitive).

Every goal needs a target date so that you have a deadline you can focus on and work toward.

A time sensitive goal is one that answers “when?”, “what can I do six months from now?”, “what can I do six weeks from now?”, and “what can I do today?”

Evaluate

Every day, evaluate how you’re doing on your goals. Long term goals can be easily ignored if they’re not evaluated every day, and if you don’t evaluate how you’re doing on your goals regularly, you might miss the things that are preventing you from achieving them.

Readjust

If you find that your approach isn’t working, you may need to readjust your goals. Maybe the goal isn’t as relevant to you as you thought it would be, or it’s not as realistic as you expected, or your timeline is too short. Identify which part of your SMARTER goal is tripping you up and readjust it.

Planning your goals out this way, exercise related or not, will increase the likelihood that you’ll keep up with them and successfully achieve what you want to achieve.

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sumeshi-t · 5 years ago

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✨ self-ship tag game ✨

PART 2 | IwaLee (here you go, discord)

sorry if it's corny/cheesy LMAO my brain empty i can't think of anything to make for iwa's birthday i'm such a dumbass. was also supposed to draw an nsfw-ish thing for this but ya girl is feelin’ out of it lately sjhfalhj

How we met:

okay let’s just say i’m smart enough to land myself a scholarship in socal since i’m taking physical therapy anyway

i feel like... we would meet in the library LMAO what asian nerds

maybe i’d end up bothering him with the way i’m murmuring anatomy stuff and talking to myself when studying

so he overhears me struggling to remember that one word and he’s gonna fucking answer for me like okay sorry bud i’m stupid

jk i won’t react like that i’d just be like, “yes!” and turn to look at whoever it was who answered and say thank you because i’m so immersed in my own bubble of “knowledge” and big brain

when i notice that he’s actually cute i’d be fucking red in the ears out of embarrassment when he tells me to tone my voice down lmao so i apologize for being a bother :(

actually says, “don’t mind” damnit his english do be cute. just two asian kids far from home with accents

it’s awkward, but i’d steal glances at what he’s studying. would probably get caught after a looong while, but it’s bc i’ll be blanking off, brain tired

“do you have anything you want to ask?” he’ll be dropping his pen over his notes leaning back and stretching, bending his neck, rolling his shoulders while waiting for my answer

“omg i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to stare.” then i ask what his program is just bc he could be in one of my classes and i didnt know

anyway, turns out our schedules were pretty similar, we live in the same area/dorm, so like there’s always a chance for us to meet somehow

we wouldn’t give numbers to eo on that same day; like give it about two weeks of constantly bumping into eo before that happens

watch me share my highlighters with him, exchanging notes, passing some snacks beneath the table like its weed or sumn

from lib meetings to getting lunch together to being invited to watch his games (in freshman year i’d still go because i’d be less busier)

i would definitely use the honorifics on him, from “iwaizumi-san” gradually to “iwa-kun”; he won't admit that he likes it because it's a little piece of home

would convince to practice palpation with him because his body is a perfect example–

"wh-why don't you ask someone from your class?"

"i'm not that close with—are you blushing? omg you are!"

somehow i joke around, "i won't touch your dick," then i'd laugh at his reaction.

anyway, in return for using his body as a model, i have to sit through a godzilla marathon with him

the first time he sees me breakdown from the stress he's kinda flustered at first; but he's seen similar things with oikawa so he has a faint idea what to do. damn his hugs feel so warm, so safe

i'm quicker to open up to him, once i got comfortable; and reassurance that if he needed someone to talk to i'll also be there

basically a slow burn best friends to lovers kinda thing

ngl i'd be crushing on him by the time we're entering second year maybe? but because we're friends i always throw the thought away because i don't wanna ruin what we have

but da heart wants what it wants

it would take: the teasing of his buddies back at japan after seeing him post ig pics of us together (it was me who did it, i grabbed his phone); and, my own set of friends getting annoyed at me for always being in denial—all these just for us to finally come into terms with what we feel for eo

"i have something to tell you," we'll say to eo before we enter the lib ksksksk

"oh, you go first-" "no, you-"

it's awkward but i'll be the first to confess and he's 👁👁

"you... what?" "smh don't make me say it again, iwa. does this mean we're not friends anymore?"

"yeah"

"oh..."

"because i like you too. you... wanna go out with me?"

First date x type of dates:

study dates are automatically a thing for sure; we've upgraded from lib to cafe dates

since we're like, friends before this, potential stuff for first dates are already crossed out since we've kinda done them already???

so this issue was raised and his mind said, "then let's redo everything,"

the first thing we did outside campus was go on a foodtrip. because i was craving filo food, and he was craving jap food. and then i have this kinda habit that when i get to eat something delicious, i silently squeal or hum in my seat he finds that cute

the "first date" doesn't really have to be grand because we're like... close friends with feelings. so we don't have to try hard to please each other. everything just feels natural when we're together

anyway, we try out the food we didn't have before. he still prefers sinigang over adobo. he's still kinda amazed where i put all the food after eating a bowl of ramen that's good for two

he's gonna take a pic of me in that excited face i make when the food is placed before me and make it his wallpaper (homescreen) secretly

after that, we're just walking, me telling him about something i watched or nerd talk, then he slips his hand against mine, holding it and pulling me closer that it makes me shut up–so he laughs

"that's all it takes to get you quiet, babe?"

"w-what? also... did you just call me babe? because i didn't think i'd like it,"

"i know something you'll like," he stops walking, then, with his free hand he cups my face and pulls in for a kith kith 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

i am blushing when i tell him, "that your first kiss?"

"y-yeah, why?"

"same"

we were already walking and he swoops in for a quick peck again, "then that's the second,"

he says that with a little frown on his face, cheeks also flushed and ugh soft!lee—i lean my head against his arm because i'm too short to put it above his shoulder. but anyway i tell him, "didn't think you had it in you to be this soft for me,"

"sh-shut up"

it doesn't seem romantic because ✨it doesn't have to be when we're already happy✨

While we’re dating:

he saves all the selfies i send him; whether it's the meme-ish ones or just me feelin' good about myself he's got them saved

notebooks getting interchanged kskskss it's terrible because one minute i'm reading my notes about pharma, then i flip a page and i see stuff about sports science like–???

tho what makes it cute is that he has tiny scribbles on corners in hiragana or maybe kanji and some random zigzag lines over some words–a sign that he fell asleep with a pen in his hand

i have lots of caps (that are majority of my dad's but i like them all so i brought sum) and he just... gets one from behind my door (it's the same energy as the hoodies thing)

and i 🥺 bc he actually looks good in caps like??? sir that's illegal

ok but walks in the beach at sunset

also surfer!iwa???? mhhhh yes yes living the dream honestly

ofc volleyball is involved, he's kinda pleased i can play decently. it's either the gym or vb

he would force me to go to the gym smh "you're a PT aren't you? shouldn't you be moving around too?" i'm gonna grumble but the sight of his er, toned body before during and after exercising is the best reward

actually its a win-win, he likes how my butt is outlined by my jog pants and how for him, i still look good even if i'm sweaty all over

hehe we'd end up getting horny by the time we reach the dorms–you know the rest and afterwards:

"so, you'll go to the gym more often now?"

"if it ends up like this, i wouldn't mind,"

we teach eo our mother language! but only on our spare time. omg imagine him telling me "mahal na mahal kita"??? i'm??? or when he's chatting with oikawa (especially that one time he sent a selfie of him and ushijima) he uses tagalog swear words if he just wants to mess with his best friend

vidcalls with each other's fam—i mean, for my parents they know we've been always close, and like, it will be my grandma/dad who'd ask him, "when will you court my granddaughter/daughter?"

he got so nervous, he stuttered, "i'm... i'm courting her already,"

anyway they approve of him because he is smart^TM and a good man 🥺 because they know he has ambitions in life the same way that i do have my own goals i wanna achieve

meanwhile me, i'm gonna be so nervous trying to speak to his fam, but they're all so sweet so i tell him afterwards, "so that's where you get the softies,"

anyway since this is college we're talking about, every passing year, we both become busy, especially when internships come around

but when he can, he'll fetch me from the hospital with comfort food because he knows it's been a rough day and he wants to make sure i'm taking care of myself 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 lowkey i try to do the same for him because he deserves it; but he says it's okay and that i should be preserving my energy for my studies 😭

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bffhreprise · 5 years ago

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Entry 349

Stepping out of my car, I wasn’t prepared to find James standing nearby. When did he get here? Shouldn’t he be inside, waiting for me while I finish mentally preparing? With over an hour drive, I had successfully hyped myself up and then delved into worrying. James wasn’t close enough for me to see his arrival with my ability.

“Hi, Maple! Glad to have you here. I'm James Michael Somerset III.” he told me as I approached, reaching out to shake my hand.

Hand… great. I always hated this part of meeting people. They always wanted our hands to meet without knowing what would be the consequences. I really, really hope my potential boss hadn’t just left the restroom.

Firming my resolve, I took his hand and shook it, saying, “Pleased to…” Nothing. I wasn’t seeing anything at all from him. “meet you.” I quickly finished, not wanting to be weird before I was hired. My own clothes gave me a constant reminder of everything that had happened within about ten feet of them, including James standing here next to me, but touching him gave me zilch.

“Mind touring the yard as we talk?” asked James, smiling at me.

I realized that I was still holding his hand, and quickly released it. “Uh… no. Not at all.” I told him, hoping I hadn’t already weirded him out.

“What about my company attracted your interest?” he inquired, walking by my side down a broad sidewalk leading us along the side of the insanely large mansion

I purposefully took a couple breaths before answering. James had us walking at a pace barely slow enough for me to keep pace, but he didn’t really seem to be in a rush. Adventurers that don’t keep their head on task often made careless mistakes. There was treasure to be had, so I was going to do this right. “I first heard about your company through a friend of my mother, Melissa Robertson. She hired someone named... Emma, I think.” I explained, glancing at him questioningly in hopes that I had the name right. When he nodded, I continued saying, “Emma really impressed her and mentioned the business has a wonderful educational program as well.”

“Yes, we have a deal with the Institute of Autodidacticism to provide a fine education in whatever fields interest you.” he agreed. Then he pointed to large gardens—just visible now that we had turned the first corner—and said, “We also employ an incredible chef for those who reside here. Marco’s cooking is absolutely incredible. Emma ensures that he receives the best produce all year round. In addition to being an active best friend, she's the groundskeeper.”

“Wow. Is everyone that busy?” I questioned, certain that maintaining such large gardens in addition to the vast amount of land had to be a full-time job by itself.

James smiled in amusement, probably used to people being awed by his home. “Emma makes keeping the grounds in order look easy, but no one is busier than they want, despite how Brandon might complain. Iris Storm, for example, works part-time and still lives with her parents. Everyone else just submits what hours they'd like to work, and the schedule is made based off their availability and the availability of work suited to them that week.” he explained, sounding like he had given this explanation numerous times already.

Was I just blending in to a normal routine for him, simply one more applicant? “That sounds amazing. How do the benefits work then?” I questioned, wanting to sound like I wouldn’t jump at an opportunity to work here without knowing what I was getting into. If I failed to make an impression, there was no hope at landing this job. Reaching out to any of the plants in the garden was tempting, and not just because they looked absolutely perfect. I could probably get a glimpse of Emma at work here to see if she actually was enjoying herself.

“If you work here, your medical needs are fully covered.” he told me, snapping my mind back into focus on him. “There are also paid vacations, such as an upcoming trip to France. You'll be quite welcome if you join us. I'll make sure you can get a passport in time if one's needed.”

“What!? Really!?” I asked, unable to comprehend how a new hire would get to join in on a company trip.

Nodding, he turned to look at me—probably amused that I had stopped in my tracks—and said, “Of course. Retirement packages are based off what you earn over your time with us, but I assure you they're quite lucrative. You also will have access to all training utilities here. Past the bend and far off to the left is an employee gym.” He gestured in what had to be the direction of the gym. “There is also a large pond we like to use for swimming if you prefer swimming outdoors. If you enjoy video games, you'll have access to all games from Global Princess Entertainment.”

Access to all of Aaliyah’s games would be incredible, but I forced myself not to focus on that part, returning to something else he had said. “Sorry, but can we go back a minute?” I asked hopefully, continuing when he waited. “The medical benefits. Were you saying you cover insurance entirely?”

“No. We provide complete medical services that are better than you'll find in general hospitals.” he replied, watching my reaction.

“But… how does that even work? I mean… say I was on a job, got injured, and was rushed to a hospital… how would I get help?” I questioned, knowing I probably came across as a crazy lady at this point but unable to help it.

“We'd cover any medical fees and get our own people involved as soon as possible.” he replied, casually turning and continuing onward. “Everything is spelled out in the employee contract, but teams of lawyers can get lost in that thing.”

“Got any of those on hand for employees?” I asked as a joke.

“Yes, actually. My secretary covers most legal matters and might as well be a team.” he told me nonchalantly.

“Sorry.” I told him, having stopped again. I forced myself to move again as I said, “My dad's not going to believe this.” Dad had been skeptical of applying here in the first place with the business being so new, but benefits like this sounded amazing.

“Both of your parents will be welcome to see the place if you do decide to join us. We just like a little forewarning is all. Marco is rather particular about having food prepared just right for everyone.” he explained, a hint of amusement coming through when he mentioned Marco. “How do you feel about magic?”

“What?” I asked just before tripping over my own two feet.

He caught me by the arm and easily helped me regain my footing. Then he said, “Some might say that looking into the past of whatever one touches is magical. How do you feel about it?”

“I… umm…” I started unable to speak any more coherently than my thoughts. James knew… he KNEW! How!?

“Watch.” he ordered as he pointed ahead of us.

A thick mist formed in the air, spelling out “Magic is real.” in the air. Then the mist erupted into flames, erasing the previous words and forming “and you have it.” instead. Water appeared from nowhere, attacking the fire and creating an audible sizzling as the fire was quenched. Reshaping and freezing into place, the water asked “How do you feel about magic?”

My mind couldn’t wrap around what I had just witnessed. This was magic! Wanting to reassure myself that I was awake, I purposefully used my ability to replay what James had done in my mind. There were no subtle invocations or whispered words that I saw. Even pointing seemed to be more for my benefit than necessary for a spell. Was this real? I desperately wished the spell—possibly spells—had been closer to us.

“You know what I can do?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes.” he told me, his eyes piercing through me as if he was watching my thoughts.

“How?” I forced myself to ask, despite being uncertain that I’d really want the answer. James was rich and could use magic. Was there a limit to what he could do to get answers?

His smile seemed reassuring as he said, “The background checks we run are far more detailed than most. I know how crazy that sounds, but it's true. You'll find many things are different here, such as most of us using magic. Some of your potential coworkers can transform their bodies. One needs the blood of others to survive. Two people living here are impossible for most to kill. Work for me, and your world will seem to change as you learn more about others who, like you, possess superhuman abilities.”

“But…” I started, looking down to my hands. There was no visual clue to what I did, and I was certain I hadn’t told anyone. How could a background check tell him about my ability? Yet, he had blocked it.

“Here. Touch this.” he ordered, taking off his watch and handing it to me.

Grabbing the watch with a bit of trepidation, I watched its history. Time flowed backward in my mind, revealing me everything that had happened in a small sphere around this watch. Everyone was smiling whenever they were around James. He laughed with them, played games with them, and did an impressive amount of work between everything. Oddly, he’d leave the watch on his desk for a while each day. Of course, he took the watch off periodically to do other things as well.

There was a girl with pink skin and brilliant blue hair appearing regularly. Focusing on those visions, I was stunned to find out that she was his daughter. James had a pink daughter with the most amazing eyes. How? When? I knew he had gotten married only recently. He doted on her, reprimanded her, and gave her countless hugs, often with her begging for one thing or another. They obviously loved one another. I was a little surprised to see that the watch was only a week old, but one week was enough.

“Your friends love being around you.” I acknowledged, very doubtful that any group could maintain such perfect acts for an entire week. “I want to work here.” I decisively stated.

“Excellent. You're hired.” he replied with a smile that made my heart miss a beat. “I'll show you the rest of the grounds, and then we can head inside to introduce you to everyone who's home. Welcome to Best Friend For Hire!”

#Best Friend For Hire Reprise #Best #Friend #For #Hire #Reprise #Jovial Times #Jovial #Times #Fantasy #Fiction #Story

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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883

1. What kind of textures do you enjoy most in your food? Crunchy, crispy, soft, hard, grainy, slimy, etc? I love chewing on any meal that involves rice. Born and raised with it, can’t feel full without it. I’ll give a special mention to slimy too, because I love seafood.

2. Do you keep up any seasonal decorations outside of their season? No. My mom removes our Christmas decor by late January, which is when Christmas season ends here. We don’t decorate for other holidays.

3. Can you remember the most awkward situation you've ever been in? What happened? Ugh god. Any time I’m left alone with Gab’s dad is bound to be awkward because he’s very quiet and stoic and I tend to be a vibrant, cheery people-pleaser and nothing I do will muster more than two words out of him...but our most awkward moment has to be when I was at their place and he had to leave to run some errands. I stood up and walked over to give him a hug, but for some reason the floor was slippery and I started to do the world’s clumsiest and longest stumble. As an instinct, I held on to his arm and shirt so that I wouldn’t fall flat on my face. It was terrible and nothing I could’ve done or said would’ve saved that situation. EUGH I’m wincing right now lmao

4. Can you remember the most scary situation you've ever been in? What happened? [trigger warning] Would have to be the time when my grandfather got too drunk off his ass that he physically assaulted one of my cousins, then a toddler. My aunt (cousin’s mom) is a little on the delicate and petite side and couldn’t do anything to confront my grandpa, who went on his rage for like 10, 15 minutes. Certainly felt like forever. Nothing has traumatized me more and that’s saying a lot, considering it’s been 13 years and I’ve been through tons of shitty situations.

5. Do you do anything unusual to help you concentrate? It’s not very weird but I did install an extension on my browser that would let me list certain sites (usually social media) I’d want blocked whenever I have work. I suppose not everyone has that kind of program so it kinda counts as unusual.

6. Do you ever wonder what your parents were like as children/teenagers? With my dad, yes. My mom tells me enough stories. I know her family hit a rough patch when she was a teenager and they had to sell a bunch of their stuff, including a grand piano. She went from living a comfortable life to having to skip meals in college because she only had enough money for her daily commute.

7. Do you think suicide is ever "okay?" Groan, this is so triggering. I’m not elaborating on this, soz.

8. Would you rather a close family member/close friend/significant other die of suicide or murder? Why is this? “>> I think having to deal with a murder investigation would be terribly messy and intrusive, and would add more trauma on top of what I’m already dealing with.” < All of this. You don’t always get closure with murders, too. And I would hate that.

9. In your opinion, what is the worst thing someone could ever do? Raping an infant is definitely up there for me.

10. In your opinion, what is the best thing someone could ever do? Be a positive change or impact in someone’s life. Idk, I’m easy to please.

11. Do you think about any fellow xangans outside of xanga? I’ll change the context of this question to Tumblr so I can answer it. And yes I do, sometimes. Not in a creepy way or anything; it usually happens when I encounter something in real life that I know another survey-taker likes.

12. What military installation is the closest to you? Fort Bonifacio.

13. Do you still open your windows during winter? We don’t get winter but yeah, December is the best time to leave the windows open throughout the night. It’s also a great time to be able to save on electricity haha

14. How cold is too cold? How hot is too hot? I’ve lived in a tropical country all my life so I’m a big-ass wimp when it comes to the cold, even though I love it more. I start shivering at around 23ºC. Too hot is anything reaching the 40s.

15. Would you rather lose both legs or both arms? Why? Legs. I use my hands a lot more, so it would be slightly more difficult if I suddenly had to move about without them.

16. If you committed a crime that landed you in prison for the rest of your life, but were given the option to receive the death sentence instead, which would you choose? Why? Death. I get to have the infamous ~last meal~. Lol in all seriousness though, I’d pick it because it would be a quick release for me, I guess. It’s a big reason why I’m not a fan of death penalty...it’s too easy an escape for criminals who deserve a lot worse.

17. Is there any specific album you can listen to in its entirety and enjoy every single song? After Laughter - Paramore

18. Would you rather be a famous movie star, television star, or musician? I don’t have talents that would make me succeed in any of these fields...I guess it’d be fun to be a movie star though.

19. If you are not religious, have you ever eaten dinner with a group of people that were and said grace before eating? How was this for you? If you are religious and say grace before dinner, have you ever eaten dinner with a group of people that weren't and didn't say grace before eating? How was this for you? Yes. I’m from a Catholic family, so we pray before every meal. I do a sign of the cross but barely, just so my mom sees I move my hands when we start the prayer; but I haven’t recited grace since I told myself I was going to be atheist.

20. Do you think an evil Santa or an evil Easter Bunny would make a better villain in a horror movie? I’d go with Evil Santa mostly because I have no attachment to the Easter Bunny whatsoever, and because it’d be hilarious to see a man with reindeer be mean.

21. Did you ever think any fictional story-book character was creepy as a child? Do you still think any of them are creepy? Yes. That girl who wears a ribbon around her neck still gives me the fucking creeps.

22. Would you rather wear nothing but white or nothing but black? Is there any color you'd actually want to wear head-to-toe? Black. I’ve done that many times, so it wouldn’t feel weird.

23. What physical/mental health problems run in your family? Do you have any of the same problems? I’m almost certain there are underlying issues on my mom’s side but seeing as none of us have ever gotten ourselves checked (and most of them don’t believe in mental health problems anyway) I doubt I’ll ever find out what exactly’s wrong.

24. What is your mental and physical health like right now? They are both doing surprisingly well considering how long I’ve had to stay home and how much everything has turned upside down. I’ve only had two bad breakdown in four months and I’ve since recovered from that nasty fever I got, so I can’t complain.

25. If you found a suitcase (with no information about the owner) with a million dollars inside of it , would you turn it into the police or keep it? Be honest. ;] “>> See, a million dollars is an exorbitant sum. There is no way I could just casually make off with a missing million and not suffer repercussions. It's just too much goddamn money, and in this particular scenario, it's highly likely that it's a trap of some sort (whether set for me, or set for someone else and my dumb ass just happened to stumble across it). I'm not dumb enough to try it.

Neither would I necessarily want to turn it in, because that might cause me to get involved in something I didn't want or need to be involved in. The most logical course of action for me would be to leave it the fuck alone.” < Yeup.

26. Would you rather gaze at the stars or clouds? Stars. The fact that they’re so much farther away makes them more fascinating to me.

27. Are they any foods you used to enjoy but no longer like? Are there any foods you used to dislike but now enjoy? There’s a certain brand of frozen sisig that I used to looooove and would have multiple servings of every time I had it. But I had it one too many times and now I can’t even stand the smell of it. On the other hand, I hated chicken curry as a kid, but I can’t get enough of it now.

28. Do you feel much older or younger than you are? Why? Neither. I just feel 22.

29. Did you get along with kids that were older or younger than you? I mostly got along with kids of the same age. I found younger kids too rowdy and being around older kids always felt intimidating.

30. Do you know any magic tricks? Nopes.

31. How much would life suck for you if you had a wheat allergy? A lot.

32. Are you able to watch gory scenes in movies? Why or why not? For sure. I always want to see how far FX artists can go; and if used correctly, gory scenes can be super integral to the movie. Midsommar is a really good example.

33. Do you constantly check the time? Does time seem to move quickly or slowly for you? Not anymore. I used to check it a lot while I was still in school. Sigh, I miss that life so much. Anyway, time definitely felt slower during the first few weeks of the lockdown, but now that I’m used to it days just fly by. I can hardly believe we’re nearly in the middle of July. So much of this year has been wasted. It’s miserable.

34. Would you rather live in a nice house in a bad location, or a less-than-nice house in a great location? I’m taking the great location. I don’t know if I can last living in a shady area, no matter how beautiful my house is.

35. Have you ever been a witness to a horrible crime? What happened? Domestic violence is the worst thing I can think of. I enumerated one of them in one of the earlier questions, but I witnessed several other cases as a kid.

#survey #surveys

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the-demi-jedi · 5 years ago

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Hello there! I want to share a story I’ve written for a local short story contest. The topic was “The Last Day on Earth”. I’d love to have some feedback from y’all, so if you could spare twenty minutes, it would be great!

Title: The Last Day Word count: 4200 (appx. six pages) Genre: Thriller, romance, mystery Trigger warning: None that I know of. If you notice something, please let me know! Summary: Dan’s life seems to be perfect with his loving wife, well-paid job and a peaceful home. However, his ideal world has been upset by a message from an unknown sender. Who is the person who seems to be threatening him? And is Dan himself the person he believes he is?

The story is a translation from Czech to English, some errors are possible probable :)

Continue reading below!

I know that not many people say this, but I really love my life.

It's already getting dark outside and I finally see my home in the distance. With a smile on my lips, I start to stride towards it faster than I already do. Today was one of the days where I had to visit my workplace personally, as I usually work from home. The genetic lottery rewarded me with a talent for learning languages, including those used for programming, so I make my living as a translator and a programmer. Since I work in two fields, I always have a commission to work on and I can't complain about money - it's enough for me to live comfortably and to the fullest.

I open the wicket in our fence and walk through the garden, beautiful and manicured thanks to my wife's almost motherly care. I approach the main door. As always, I'm greeted by a wooden plate with Dan & Anna engraved on it - it is also a result of my spouse's creative outburst. I know she feels the happiest when she has an opportunity to create something.

I unlock the door and walk in. As soon as I hang my coat on the hanger, Anna is already rushing towards me, standing on the tips of her toes and greeting me with a gentle kiss.

At first glance, Anna is a slight, a bit plain girl. Her dark hair, contrasting with her fair skin, reach her waist. Her big, gray eyes are further magnified by the eyeglasses she's wearing. Yes, we are both adults. But every time she smiles at me with her trademark shy smile, I have butterflies in my stomach like an infatuated teenager.

"I missed you," she says, grabs my hand and leads me towards the kitchen, now filled with some exotic smell. Anna's creativity is undeniable even when she's cooking - and she's always overjoyed like a child when I find her meals tasty.

Even now, her face hardly contains excitement when I wolf down her creation. We talk through the rest of the evening. I usually talk about my work, she enthusiastically introduces me to her new project - a new painting in progress, a short story she started writing yesterday... all while wearing a sweater she knitted herself.

Her bright mind just never stops - and that's one of the many reasons I love her so much. I've dated two girls before her, but with Anna, I feel a true connection for the first time. A hopeless romantic would talk about soulmates. And they would be right. Our personalities complete each other, but we have common hobbies and hopes for the future.

Anna is twenty-four. I met her when she was nineteen and I've spent the most beautiful years of my life with her. We traveled around the world before we finally settled in a nice town in Canada. We are planning to get a dog and then, when the time is right, a child.

We watch a movie after dinner. We don't have the usual disputes of a married couple, like "I want an action splatter while she insists on a rom-com" - we always agree on some nice sci-fi or fantastical movie. After the opening music, Anna grabs my hand and moves it on her head. I smile - it's our own little game. I hold her close to me and start to stroke her hair. Soon, she starts to purr like a content kitten.

As I walk towards the bedroom after the movie ends, I check the calendar on my phone. By presenting and submitting it to the client, I have finished a project I've been working on for a long time - good thing the client paid me accordingly. Satisfied with a job well done, I cross the project off my schedule.

The deadline for my next project, a dull translation of legal documents in Korean, is in three months, so I can feel free to forget about it for a few days. Maybe I could take Anna somewhere tomorrow, perhaps for a dinner out.

Or maybe I could forget about the work for a week and take her for a trip to the mountains. A few days in a cozy, romantic cabin? Why not. I could always catch up with the commission later.

"You're up to something, right?" Anna, dressed in a nightgown, smiles at me with her eyebrows raised. "I know that thoughtful face very well!"

"Maybe I am, maybe I am not," I reply.

"Tell me!" she squeals and attacks me with the full force of her one hundred and fifty-five centimeters. She knocks me down on the bed and we both burst into laughter. Despite the torture techniques she uses on me (tickling, for example), I don't break. It will be a surprise.

An hour and half later, I fall asleep; Anna's quiet breath creates a pleasant ambiance. I'm looking forward to the upcoming days. No work; no Korean symbols and no Cyrillic to translate. Just me and my beloved.

I really do love my life.

...

When I wake up the next day, Anna is already in the kitchen, conjuring up the breakfast. She has always been an early bird. I hear her soft, high-pitched voice singing as she cooks. She's far from a perfect singer, but to me, she sounds like a perfect symphony.

When walking into the bathroom, I can't avoid looking in the mirror. I always wonder how did I manage to charm her so much she was willing to marry me even though I look like a typical computer nerd: skinny, not too tall, with a goatee and a hipster-style haircut. The people mostly guess I'm that kind of bachelor who dwells in his man-cave situated in my mother's basement.

Well, it's not that Anna and I don't have a gaming cave. When she's gaming and going through a tough part, she can be really noisy and only pieces of chocolate placed into her mouth can stop the foul words she sometimes uses. I am that type of calm, level-headed gamer.

Before I set the course towards the kitchen and my wife, I check my phone. My lockscreen wallpaper is, of course, my photo with Anna. The picture was taken at the ComicCon - I'm wearing a costume of Lord Revan and she's my Bastila Shan. I didn't have to push her into that. In fact, the costumes were her idea.

A notification is covering a part of the photo: 1 new message.

I roll my eyes. If it is a new client, I can forget about the trip to the mountains right away.

My annoyed face changes to surprised once I notice the sender's ID is set as Private number. And then, after reading the message, I feel only fear and confusion.

This is your last day. Prepare for the departure.

What the hell is this supposed to mean?

The timestamp tells me the message came at three in the morning.

Is this a threat? Am I the next victim of a serial killer with a wicked sense of humor? I stop and think. I have no enemies, if I don't count Anna's parents - it's no surprise they imagined their daughter's future spouse as a banker or a successful entrepreneur. However, after they found out I can take good care of their girl, they warmed up a little.

I hyperventilate. I read those two damned sentences over and over again.

"Dan! The pancakes la Francé are done!" I hear Anna chirping in the kitchen.

"Just a minute!" I reply with muffled nervosity in my voice.

Should I tell her about the message? I don't know. We promised each other we won't hide any secrets. But she would go crazy if I told her. She's an alarmist prone to panicking. I can vividly imagine her screaming into the phone while calling the police, hugging me and hysterically wailing about not wanting to lose me.

Maybe I should involve the police. It's not a direct threat, but how else can I interpret it? Wait. Maybe I've just forgotten a commission and the client is reminding me. However, it wouldn't explain the "departure". Moreover, I meticulously note every new commission I receive. Anna, who is a chaotic, often mocks me for being too organized to the point my schedule is crafted minute-by-minute.

Well, I can't solve it here and now. I sigh and go to Anna.

Naturally, I have lost my appetite, so I have to endure the pain in Anna's eyes when I just nibble at the food.

"You don't like it?" she peeps. "I tried so hard..."

Yeah, do it. Make my situation even harder. "It's delicious," I assure her. I try to come up with something that could excuse me acting strange for the next twenty-four hours. "It's just... one of my clients who often employs me has problems with his business and it's likely he'll go bankrupt. I'd lose a part of the money I make and we'd have to tighten our belts until I find someone else."

She examines me with her eyes. She can tell when I'm making things up. Then she decides to just smile at me. Perhaps she decided to trust me - or decided she doesn't want to know the truth for now.

"Come on, Dan, you know it's not about money," she says. "We have some savings and after all... the best things are free," she winks at me.

I return her the smile and swallow the rest of the pancakes.

...

I spend the rest of the afternoon thinking. It's not as easy as usual. Anna just flutters around me like a hummingbird and constantly asks me to do something with her. I'm just a step away from snapping at her, but I've never raised my voice at her before and I'm determined not to start now.

In the end, I decide it would be the best to stick to the plan I came up with yesterday.

I lock myself in my workroom and scour the internet for two hours or so, looking for cabins in the mountains I could rent. I smile. Someone's going after me? I'll simply run away. And if I can turn the escape into a vacation with Anna, the better.

The offers repeatedly let me know that I should have booked something sooner. As I start to get frustrated, an offer peeks at me - it's a cozy, well-furnished cabin about a hundred kilometers away from here. The couple who had it booked canceled at the last minute.

I immediately book the cabin and make the payment. Then I leave the workroom. I find Anna in the living room, with a drawing tablet in her hand. I put on a big smile and tell her the news.

As I have expected, joyful squealing and hugging follows. "Adventure!" Anna cheers as she sprints up the stairs into the bedroom where she packs her things. She's clapping her hands like a little girl.

I also pack my stuff; unlike Anna, I only take what I find necessary. It's fascinating how different, yet the same we are. I'm so happy to have her. I have to survive the night so I can be here for her throughout the upcoming days, months, years.

As soon as we finish packing, I cram our luggage (as I've expected, Anna has packed about three times as much as I did) into the trunk of our Mercedes and then we hit the road.

The car radio is playing and Anna joyfully sings along every song she knows. Despite her questionable qualities as a singer, she cheers me up and I allow myself to get carried away. As Anna, Jon and I scream the lyrics of an evergreen Bon Jovi song at the top of our lungs, I even forget about the anonymous message.

I guess it's some kind of mistake after all. The message was intended for someone else. I amuse myself by imagining some low-ranking gangster having trouble with his Don, trying to blame his failure on a message that wasn't delivered. Finally, I feel like myself again.

...

Snow comes with rising altitude. When we finally reach the place where the cabin is supposed to be, all the trees around us are snow-covered. I see the excitement in Anna's bright eyes. And seeing this is worth all the trouble. I guess I was sent to Earth just to make this girl happy.

We park the car right next to the cabin, grab our luggage and step inside. I have to admit it really is cozy. The furniture smells of wood. There is a huge fireplace; Anna immediately lights it up. The warm light and the heat from the fire soon fill the room. For a solid while, we just sit in front of the fireplace, close to each other.

The stress is slowly fading away. I guess I really only needed to unwind a little.

As we settle in the cabin, Anna insists on building snowmen outside. Without hesitation, I join the childish fun. We do funny things with our snowmen, both proper and improper things, and we laugh so hard we can't breathe. We go back inside once Anna's cheeks are red due to freezing temperatures.

When I look at the grandfather clock standing in the corner, the smile freezes on my lips. Five in the afternoon. I have ten hours left.

Oh come on, Dan... you told yourself to let it go. It was a mistake.

Anna prepares a kettle of hot chocolate. Neither of us drinks alcohol and this is a perfect alternative for mulled wine. With Anna around, I don't have to restrain my inner child. Neither does she. We don't have to pretend to be something we're not around each other.

We enjoy the rest of the evening and then hit the bed. A huge window allows us to see outside, where the moonlight glimmers on the snow both on the trees and on the ground.

Anna is huddled close to me, but I'm more and more nervous as the night goes on.

"What's wrong with you?" she asks me suddenly.

"Nothing," I reply.

"Stop lying to me!" I hear traces of anger in her voice, possibly for the first time. "I know how you are when you're okay - and also when you're not okay. And right now, you're nowhere close to the laid-back Dan!"

I look at the clock. Midnight. Three hours left.

With an exasperated sigh, I show her the message.

Anna gasps in shock. "Why... why didn't you tell me sooner?" her voice immediately rises into a panicked falsetto. You should have called the police! Do something! Oh God, Dan... who could have sent this to you?"

"And this is exactly why I decided not to tell you. You'd be a bundle of nerves for the entire day. It's most probably just a mistake or a prank, you know, sending threats to a random number. I'm sure nothing will happen." I kiss her forehead and Anna calms down a little, even though I still hear her muffled sobs.

"I'll stay awake," she whispers. "If someone comes for you... I'll protect you."

I pull the girl closer to me and start to stroke her hair. "I won't allow anyone to hurt you. And in case anything happened to me, I want you to know I love you more than my own life. You know that, right?"

She nods.

...

The minutes pass. Two in the morning. Every sound I hear startles me.

Is my last day about to end?

At 2:46, I see a movement behind the window. I shush Anna and listen carefully. It seems someone is lurking around our cabin.

Strangely, I don't feel fear, just an urge to square up with the bastard who ruined my precious moments with Anna. I slip out of the bed, dress into my jacket and boots I left next to the bed, just in case, and grab a fire poker I found by the fireplace.

It won't be much useful if the intruder has a firearm. But it gives both me and Anna at least some sense of security. "Stay close to me," I whisper and hand the girl her coat.

I keep an eye on the part of the forest visible behind the window. Nothing. I have the poker in one hand, the other hand is squeezed by Anna. Then I see it - a flash of blue light, similar to a flashlight. So they are illuminating their way. Fine.

"We have to get to the car," I tell Anna. "Someone has followed us here."

The girl nods and tightens her grip on my hand.

As quiet as possible, I open the door and step outside. The pajama pants don't protect me from the cold much. I look around, trying to spot the intruder's flashlight again. I actually catch one more blue flash, but I'm not sure where did it come from.

"Quickly, quickly!” I mutter through clenched teeth, dragging mortified Anna towards the car. I keep expecting a gunshot that would end my last day on Earth.

The blue light appears again. I press the "unlock" button on my car keys. The red headlights of the Mercedes beam into the night, as if they wanted to battle the blue glow. The gunshots will come now. The author of the message will either try to damage our tires or simply gun me down before I reach the car.

I don't care. As long as Anna is safe.

I open the driver's door and literally throw Anna into the car. I did it. Even if I died now, Anna would make it - she doesn't have a driving license, but she has some knowledge about how to operate a car. She would be able to get away.

"GET IN!" she shrieks as she scrambles to the passenger's seat. Illuminated by the blue light, I try to cram myself into the car. I expect pain. The blood throbs in my ears to the rhythm of Anna's sobs.

I thrust the key into the ignition. The car comes alive. The clock on the dashboard tell me it's 2:58. Two more minutes and I'll survive my last day.

The blue light now engulfs the whole vehicle. I look around, trying to figure out where is it coming from. To my shock, I realize the light source has to be above the car. The position of shadows clearly points to that.

"Dan... what is it? What is it?!” Anna screams. “For God's sake, GO!”

I try. However... I feel something strange is happening to me. As if the connection between my body and my mind was fading away. I am trying to rev up the car, but at the same time, I feel like someone else is doing it. Thoughts fill my head - thoughts that are seemingly not mine. Bizarre images and memories.

Only one thing still binds me to this reality. Anna's tear-drenched face. She calls my name, but I can't hear it right. She shakes me. Tries to start the car herself.

2:59:56

"I love you," I manage to whisper.

2:59:58

The blue light is separating my body and soul.

3:00:00

"DAN!" Anna's shriek is the last thing I hear before my mind gets sucked into the void.

...

I wake up. However, I have no idea where I am. Or who I am.

The memories of Anna mix up with brand new perceptions. A room full of computer screens and holographic projections that seem so alien and unreal, but eerily familiar at the same time.

"Inhale, exhale, my friend," I hear a voice behind me. They're speaking a language I shouldn't be even able to pronounce - yet I still understand it perfectly. "You've done a good job."

"I've done a job...?" I mutter in that strange language.

My vision is becoming clearer. I'm sitting on some weird chair. Then, the speaker shows himself. I flinch. He's not human. But wait... neither am I. I'm the same as him. I know him. We're friends.

Slowly, the memories of what I've done start coming back to me.

The friend removes a faintly glowing, crystalline helmet from my head and offers me his hand. I accept it, leave the chair and make a few steps. The computer lab now makes more sense to me. I know how to operate it. However, a part of my mind is still with Anna.

"Take your time," the friend smiles after he notices my confused expression. "Living as a human for thirty-two years, from birth to adulthood... that must be pretty demanding, right?"

"You have no idea," I say. Thirty-two years. A few minutes ago, it would seem like a long time to me. Now I perceive it as a moment, an insignificant stretch of time. I remember how it's like to measure time in millennia and eons.

Despite that, those insignificant thirty-two years changed something in me.

I shuffle towards a window. I am high above the ground. It's dark, it must be the nighttime. I see a city below me - strange, surreal buildings illuminated by sterile, bluish light. When I look up at the sky, I see glowing, shattered pieces of space objects and iridescent clouds of a nearby nebula.

Finally, I see my enclave again. Even though I was gone just for a spell, it seems like an eternity to me.

I catch myself still thinking in the human language. I try to find a word describing what am I, but it's not as easy, considering the humans' limited vocabulary.

An alien? No, that's not it. I guess the term interdimensional being is the closest to the truth. We have almost nothing in common with humans, and yet, we're almost the same.

The friend approaches one of the computers. "You have done well. So much data in just thirty-two years. Now we know enough about their world to finally commence the harvest."

The last missing pieces of my memory hit the right spots.

The harvest.

Anna.

"No, you can't do that!" I shove the friend away from the computer. "Stop the harvest! Please! Anna is there... I can't just leave her there! Stop it!”

The friend laughs and lays his hand on my shoulder. "And here we go - the post-extraction hysteria. Sooner or later, it affects all the Pathfinders. Just keep calm. You'll be alright. However, you had to be pretty hard-wired in that world since the message we transmit a day before extraction didn't make you remember who you are."

A Pathfinder. Yes, this is what I am. An individual whose mind is implanted into a being from a different world to live a life of the said being, gathering as much information about their world as possible throughout a single lifetime. The data are then analyzed to prepare an optimal strategy of the harvest. At the same time, the mind of the Pathfinder is returned into their original body through a dimensional rift.

Blue light...

"You can't do that," I feebly try one more time. "Stop it."

"The humans are low on the stairs of evolution," the friend tries to calm me down. "They live for seventy, eighty years. Just a blink of an eye. And if we commence the harvest, our world will be able to sustain for several more centuries." He shrugs. "I know that we're the ones responsible for this and now we have to sacrifice other worlds to save ours. But it is how it is. The strong prey on the weak."

I stare out of the window, watching the harvesting machines getting prepared on a vast plain nearby. Giant, nightmarish machines. Ozone layer siphons. Water pumps. Solar panels. Oxygen extractors. And more. There seems to be an infinite number of them.

I know what happens when they fulfill their purpose. The world that witnesses their rampage is fated to die. It becomes a lifeless wasteland just for the sake of making our world survive for a few more centuries.

I clench my fists. Even though the human life is already fading away from my memory, one thing still lingers there - Anna. What is she doing now. I can do nothing to save her. In a moment, the machines will enter her world through a dimensional rift and steal everything life-giving.

Anna knows nothing. Maybe it's better that way. Right now, she's probably mourning Dan's apparent death. She will soon realize how petty this problem is.

Yes, humans are primitive. They only live for seventy years, they only have five basic senses and they didn't advance much as a species. But I still can't stop thinking about the hidden gems of the humankind. I've spent just a few years with her, but still, I won't forget her.

Maybe in a few eons.

The blue light of a dimensional rift starts to glow above the harvest machines. It will take roughly a day until it's stable enough to allow transport.

One day.

I think about how is Anna, and the rest of the humankind, going to spend the last day on Earth.

...

The end!

If you liked the story, you can comment, share or >donate< if you have some spare change ^^ If you didn’t, feel free to come to my ask box and ask me to never write again... too bad, because I will anyway :)

#writing #my writing #writers #writeblr #short story #romance #mystery

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years ago

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Survey #263

laptop is still broken, nvm. :’)

Do you have a favorite song by The Cure? "Sweet Soul Sister." (': Are there things you've never told for fear that others would judge you? Yep. Can sex ever be casual? I personally don't support it, but ultimately, so long it's consensual, protected, and both parties understand what's going on, you do you. Would you like to go on television to receive a make-over? Not on TV, no. It'd be awesome to see myself after a professional makeup, but I ain't going on TV to show my ugly face. What will no one ever see you do? Smoking. Are you quick to anger? Rarely. Are you slow to forgive? Not really. Usually. What do you need help with? Being an adult, lmao. Do you take the easy way out of things? More often than I'd like... What is your favorite fabric to wear? *shrugs* I don't pay attention to the fabric I wear, really. Do you still make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? C'mon dude, you've got to! I don't believe in wishes increasing your odds of anything, but it's a must anyway! Do you look for four leaf clovers? Just casually when I'm walking or sitting outside. What are you the guardian of? My pets! Are you for or against censoring child pornography? I've seen many stupid questions in surveys. But this is the absolute dumbest. What the fuck is wrong with you. Are naked child images in paintings more acceptable than photographs of naked children? GENERALLY, yes, but it really depends on the artistic portrayal. None should be sexualized. Now that we can create such lifelike digital images, do you think it should be allowed for digital child pornography to exist (as in there were no children involved in the porn, it is all digitally made, the kids aren't real, they just look real)? Absofuckinglutely not. The concept is absolutely repulsive. Enough with these fucking questions. Do you like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy better? Wheel of Fortune, ig. Jeopardy is pretty boring to me. What is your favorite tarot deck? I don’t know enough about tarots to comment. How do you feel about Wicca and Paganism? IT'S SUPER SUPER INTERESTING AND COOL AND I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT IT!!!! I relate most to Neo-Paganism anyway, so I obviously don't mind them. Wicca especially is a very, very misconstrued religion that has just been horribly abused by the media. Do you believe that people who practise the above religions are able to accomplish magic? No, I don't. If you were given the opportunity to lead a creative writing program for a small group of students in a high school with a low budget in generally poor neighborhood, would you do it? No, but only because I could never been a teacher. Sounds fun otherwise. Should high school cafeterias stop serving twinkies and other fatty foods? BIIIIITCH whose HS sells Twinkies????? I need to know?????? Anyway, no, but I believe there must be mostly actually nutritional options. Let kids have the chance to have a little snack during a boring 'ole school day. What band is so romantic that anyone who listens to them must be romantic at heart? BOY Josh Groban. Have your gods and idols let you down? The Christian god did. What do you waste? Whew... time... time. When was the last time that you were neither going to school or working for a month or more? Currently. Ugh. What is your light at the end of the tunnel? The potential of a beautiful future. Speaking of the light, is the light that people see when they die the random firing of electrons or is it something more? Good question. I lean towards it being a natural phenomenon as everything shuts down, BUT I find the reincarnation/birth canal theory to be quite interesting. I don't really believe it, but hey, who the hell am I to decide if it is or not. If you were going to have a mural painted in your bed room what would you want it to be of? A scene of meerkats probably. Is sex more about fulfilling a need or giving yourself? Giving yourself. Do you like your belly? FUCK NO. Do you think more or act more? Think, sadly. Should there be a mandatory retirement age? Of course not. You work all you want boo. What's the craziest thing you've ever done on impulse that worked out well? This is gonna sound... very bad, but my suicide attempt. It made things abundantly clear I needed serious help. It led to my partial hospitalization program. Do you have any exercise tapes or DVDs? No but OH MY GOD this made me remember my lil sister used to a Barbie one that we followed lmaoooo. Does the sound of crickets bother you? No, I quite enjoy it actually. Is the sound of a fan on at night soothing? Yessss. How do you feel you will likely die? I really don't know, but probably cancer-related. Recent events have made it abundantly clear it does in fact run in our family, and genetic testing because of Mom's cancer revealed that at least through her, my sisters and I are susceptible to pancreatic, breast, and ovarian cancer. Once this virus passes over, we're all getting tested for free to get an understanding of what hell Dad gave us lmao. Have you ever been slapped in the face? No. How about punched? Yeesh, no. That was something unique about you as a child? I was CRAZY about dinos for the average little girl. Have you ever come up with a memorable quote? Not really. What is something interesting about where you live? The town is like, really, really old. Downtown looks right out of an old movie. Were you breastfed as a baby? Yeah. If you’ve lost your virginity, what was your first time like? I don't remember it because it didn't really register what we were doing was sex. I still don't know today if you could call it sex since it was really dry humping through thin clothes, but it sounds close enough. What do you think about masturbation? You do you boo. Is it sometimes better than the real thing? I don't think so, though I only had a brief episode where I did it when I was put on a new birth control that made my hormones like so, so far beyond control. I stopped that shit sooo fast. I got almost nothing out of it, honestly. Intimacy is a two-person job for me. Who do you think about most? Jason, whether I want to or not. Favorite way to pamper yourself? Go to bed early lol. What's your most expensive piece of clothing? I don't have a clue. I don't really have expensive stuff. What was your last big achievement? Ugh... I'm not the person to ask. I haven't made any big ones even semi-recently. Have you ever had a "false alarm" moment, what was it about? Oh sure. The first time that comes to mind was when I thought Venus was dying once when she had a series of horrible coughing/gagging fits a long time ago. We took her to the vet with the risk of a respiratory infection, but she was clear, thankfully. I think she had early signs, though. Do you know how to ride a bike? Ye. If you were in the hospital who are the two people you'd want by your side? Mom of course, and it'd be nice if Sara was there if she was at all capable of that, but I'm fine w/ just Mom. If you could ever take a street sign, what sign do you want? Well, I wouldn't, but probably "stop" bc that applies to a lot in my life, lmao. Have you ever not returned something you borrowed and if so what was it? I don't think so? When you pack your lunch, what's your favorite packed lunch? Usually just a good 'ole pb&j. :') What was the one most important thing you learned from your parents? Take care of your goddamn relationship. Talk shit out instead of yelling. Work together. Never neglect the reason you're with each other. Have you done something you worry could come back to haunt you, what? No, because I don't believe in karma. If you had to build a small ark, what 7 animals would you save? Those with the biggest ecological impact, like bees and spiders, for example. I wouldn't be very happy with all my choices while all other animals perished, but you've gotta think of what comes next. Out of just selfishness I'd obviously have to spare a spot for meerkats, aha. They'd help with the bug control, though! I don't know about the other four, though; I'd have to think real hard on 'em. What is something your parents love that you actually love too? Classic rock and metal. Has anyone ever said "I love you" and you couldn't say it back? I firmly remember this is how I ended that childish shit with Joel. He said it and I couldn't. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. What's been the hardest loss you've had to take? Jason. What emotion is your least favorite and the one you are not in touch with? Fear, of course. No one likes being afraid. I'm not all that in touch with greed at all. Do you think facial moles or freckles are cute? I don’t mind 'em. Sometimes they're super-duper cute. Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I don't trust strangers for shit. If you're searching for a relationship, where is your go-to place to look? I don't really "look" anywhere. What book have you read multiple times? I lost count of how many times I've read Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari. Granted, in subsequent reads, I would skip over the HUGE tangent chunks that were entirely unrelated to meerkats. I seriously remember one long-ass section was like a goddamn essay on why smaller animals tend to have unnaturally large testicles like I don't fucking care talk about Flower again. I think I only decided to read it in full two times, but maybe not even that. Do you keep a budget? I don't have the income to do so. Have you ever test driven a car you knew you weren't going to buy? No, never test-drove anything. What do you have a hard time visualizing? There's a number of things, but this one thing is weird shit: I can't picture my old therapist. Even when I saw her every month, I could almost NEVER visualize her in my head. She's a fucking cryptid or something, paranormal shenanigans is going on here. She's the only person I know where I have that problem. What makes you feel uncomfortable in group settings? I worry I'll make myself look stupid in front of everyone. What was your worst date ever? I don't feel like I've really had a bad one. I've had one that did nooooot go according to plan and I know the average girl would've been annoyed, but I'm actually an understanding human being who found the adventure fun in the end. Basically a flat tire, a sketchy tire place, and a lot of walking happened lmao. Tyler felt fucking awful, felt bad for him. Have you ever gotten in a bidding war on Ebay, if so for what item? HAHA yeah, though it was technically Mom, but she had me keep an eye on it. I remember Parasite Eve took some battling to get. I think maybe a Legend of Spyro game, too? Are you supportive of your friends even if you don't agree with them? So long it's not literally insane or stupid, usually. It really does depend. What did you think was stupid until you tried it? Hm. I'm not sure. What subject do you and your parents never see eye to eye on? Religion. I keep most of my beliefs to myself now. Where do you see yourself in 1 year's time? Honestly, I don't want to ponder and picture this. What is your favorite type of seafood? I only like shrimp. What triggers your inner shopaholic? HA, do tattoos count? See cool ones, and then I'm planning (more than only always...) tons of new ones I want and will just be DYING (ALSO more than always lakdjfwe) to go to the parlor. What public figure do you disagree with the most? I really can't say considering I'm just not educated enough here. What is your opinion on rats as pets? They are absolutely wonderful! Smart, sweet, and very clean despite their stigma. I've had quite a few. What is something you're afraid to try? Sky diving, the Tower of Terror ride. ;___; That kinda stuff. What song makes you dance uncontrollably? None. Do you like nachos, if so what topping is a MUST have? Cheese is all I really need for nachos. Do you have any subscriptions? Yes, to Adobe Creative Cloud. Which is better, Mario or Sonic? Mario games are cute, Sonic's make me cringe - I've watched enough Game Grumps to know lmao. I hate hate hate cringe culture, like let people enjoy whatever, but I absolutely cannot stop my cringe reaction to some shit. I don't judge the people that enjoy whatever it is, though. THAT pisses me off. Who is the most creative person you know? I've known Sara and Connie much too long to not say them. They have such vast imaginations. Besides a pickle, what is your favorite thing pickled? I've actually never tried anything pickled, I think... no wait. Aren't jalapenos? Well there, jalapenos. What did you do for your 21st birthday? If not, 21 what are your plans? I had my normal therapy sessions in the mental hospital lmfao. It's unfortunate, but I do have fond memories of the day. Everyone was so damn sweet, and the friend I made there even got in touch with one of the lunch ladies, who literally went to go buy me a slice of cake. She and the other employees in the kitchen brought it out at dinner, and everyone sang happy birthday. I think I remember tearing up just because it was so goddamn sweet, but also bittersweet in that I was in a fucking mental institution for my BIGGEST birthday. When I got out, Colleen bought me a red velvet cake to "make up for it," ha ha. I miss her every now and then alsdkjf;wae. Are you a role model for anyone in your life? Oh, I doubt it. Do you think you need to slow down and enjoy life more? I don't need to go any fucking slower in my life. Can you impersonate anyone famous? I don't believe so. Never really tried anyone. What is your favorite salty snack? Spicy Cheetos mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden for sit-down, Sonic for fast food. Have you ever been in a play for school? In elementary school. I never had a big roll, though. Do you wish you had more friends? Very much. What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? Aunt Lydia. Which famous author would you like to meet? I'm not particularly interested in any. Which artist would you like to meet? Hey hey hey. Mark's brother is a comic artist. Meet him, one step closer to meeting God Himself. (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง Which singer would you like to meet? OZZY sobs What celebrity do you have a crush on? Anyone who's even heard about a hint of my Markiplier obsession knows I would fuck him into oblivion. When you were in middle school, were you in love with someone you never talked to? No, I didn't romantically love anyone. Do you believe that there is an unseen spirit realm? I do. Martini, margarita, or sangria? YO STOP I'm weak with these things. I can't pick. Do you feel you are extremely gifted but no one appreciates you? No. I honestly feel like people have more faith in what I'm capable of than deserved. What Lisa Frank character is your favourite? The angel cat, probably. Or tiger. Do you know how to use Braille? No. When you use stairs, do you usually hold the rail? Currently, I have to because of my muscle atrophy. I need help to stay steady. Have you ever worn a veil? No. Have you ever planted a tree? We actually did plant an apple tree in our front yard at my childhood home. Never grew much. Have you ever made anything with clay? A number of things from art classes. Has today been a good day? No, honestly. Have you ever fed a horse hay? Yes. Are you more likely to text "Okay", "OK" or just "K"? "'Okay.' The other two are restricted for when I am in a mood and want someone to know I am in a mood." <<<< HA HA SAME. Do you like the taste of lime? Sure. Have you ever seen a mime (in real life)? Not to my recollection. Have you ever seen a deer (in real life)? Plenty of times; whitetails are common here. Right now, what can you hear? "Game Over" by Falling In Reverse. Have you ever seen a bear (in real life)? In the zoo, yes. I think there's a possibility I have in the wild, but only from a distance? Have you ever eaten glue? No. Do you tend to buy clothes used or new? New. If you have Netflix, how many items are in your queue? N/A

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