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mostlysignssomeportents · 10 months ago

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MIT libraries are thriving without Elsevier

I'm coming to BURNING MAN! On TUESDAY (Aug 27) at 1PM, I'm giving a talk called "DISENSHITTIFY OR DIE!" at PALENQUE NORTE (7&E). On WEDNESDAY (Aug 28) at NOON, I'm doing a "Talking Caterpillar" Q&A at LIMINAL LABS (830&C).

Once you learn about the "collective action problem," you start seeing it everywhere. Democrats – including elected officials – all wanted Biden to step down, but none of them wanted to be the first one to take a firm stand, so for months, his campaign limped on: a collective action problem.

Patent trolls use bullshit patents to shake down small businesses, demanding "license fees" that are high, but much lower than the cost of challenging the patent and getting it revoked. Collectively, it would be much cheaper for all the victims to band together and hire a fancy law firm to invalidate the patent, but individually, it makes sense for them all to pay. A collective action problem:

https://locusmag.com/2013/11/cory-doctorow-collective-action/

Musicians get royally screwed by Spotify. Collectively, it would make sense for all of them to boycott the platform, which would bring it to its knees and either make it pay more or put it out of business. Individually, any musician who pulls out of Spotify disappears from the horizon of most music fans, so they all hang in – a collective action problem:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/21/off-the-menu/#universally-loathed

Same goes for the businesses that get fucked out of 30% of their app revenues by Apple and Google's mobile business. Without all those apps, Apple and Google wouldn't have a business, but any single app that pulls out commits commercial suicide, so they all hang in there, paying a 30% vig:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/15/private-law/#thirty-percent-vig

That's also the case with Amazon sellers, who get rooked for 45-51 cents out of every dollar in platform junk fees, and whose prize for succeeding despite this is to have their product cloned by Amazon, which underprices them because it doesn't have to pay a 51% rake on every sale. Without third-party sellers there'd be no Amazon, but it's impossible to get millions of sellers to all pull out at once, so the Bezos crime family scoops up half of the ecommerce economy in bullshit fees:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/06/attention-rents/#consumer-welfare-queens

This is why one definition of "corruption" is a system with "concentrated gains and diffuse losses." The company that dumps toxic waste in your water supply reaps all the profits of externalizing its waste disposal costs. The people it poisons each bear a fraction of the cost of being poisoned. The environmental criminal has a fat warchest of ill-gotten gains to use to bribe officials and pay fancy lawyers to defend it in court. Its victims are each struggling with the health effects of the crimes, and even without that, they can't possibly match the polluter's resources. Eventually, the polluter spends enough money to convince the Supreme Court to overturn "Chevron deference" and makes it effectively impossible to win the right to clean water and air (or a planet that's not on fire):

https://www.cfr.org/expert-brief/us-supreme-courts-chevron-deference-ruling-will-disrupt-climate-policy

Any time you encounter a shitty, outrageous racket that's stable over long timescales, chances are you're looking at a collective action problem. Certainly, that's the underlying pathology that preserves the scholarly publishing scam, which is one of the most grotesque, wasteful, disgusting frauds in our modern world (and that's saying something, because the field is crowded with many contenders).

Here's how the scholarly publishing scam works: academics do original scholarly research, funded by a mix of private grants, public funding, funding from their universities and other institutions, and private funds. These academics write up their funding and send it to a scholarly journal, usually one that's owned by a small number of firms that formed a scholarly publishing cartel by buying all the smaller publishers in a string of anticompetitive acquisitions. Then, other scholars review the submission, for free. More unpaid scholars do the work of editing the paper. The paper's author is sent a non-negotiable contract that requires them to permanently assign their copyright to the journal, again, for free. Finally, the paper is published, and the institution that paid the researcher to do the original research has to pay again – sometimes tens of thousands of dollars per year! – for the journal in which it appears.

The academic publishing cartel insists that the millions it extracts from academic institutions and the billions it reaps in profit are all in service to serving as neutral, rigorous gatekeepers who ensure that only the best scholarship makes it into print. This is flatly untrue. The "editorial process" the academic publishers take credit for is virtually nonexistent: almost everything they publish is virtually unchanged from the final submission format. They're not even typesetting the paper:

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00799-018-0234-1

The vetting process for peer-review is a joke. Literally: an Australian academic managed to get his dog appointed to the editorial boards of seven journals:

https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/olivia-doll-predatory-journals

Far from guarding scientific publishing from scams and nonsense, the major journal publishers have stood up entire divisions devoted to pay-to-publish junk science. Elsevier – the largest scholarly publisher – operated a business unit that offered to publish fake journals full of unreveiwed "advertorial" papers written by pharma companies, packaged to look like a real journal:

https://web.archive.org/web/20090504075453/http://blog.bioethics.net/2009/05/merck-makes-phony-peerreview-journal/

Naturally, academics and their institutions hate this system. Not only is it purely parasitic on their labor, it also serves as a massive brake on scholarly progress, by excluding independent researchers, academics at small institutions, and scholars living in the global south from accessing the work of their peers. The publishers enforce this exclusion without mercy or proportion. Take Diego Gomez, a Colombian Masters candidate who faced eight years in prison for accessing a single paywalled academic paper:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2014/07/colombian-student-faces-prison-charges-sharing-academic-article-online

And of course, there's Aaron Swartz, the young activist and Harvard-affiliated computer scientist who was hounded to death after he accessed – but did not publish – papers from MIT's JSTOR library. Aaron had permission to access these papers, but JSTOR, MIT, and the prosecutors Stephen Heymann and Carmen Ortiz argued that because he used a small computer program to access the papers (rather than clicking on each link by hand) he had committed 13 felonies. They threatened him with more than 30 years in prison, and drew out the proceedings until Aaron was out of funds. Aaron hanged himself in 2013:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaron_Swartz

Academics know all this terrible stuff is going on, but they are trapped in a collective action problem. For an academic to advance in their field, they have to publish, and they have to get their work cited. Academics all try to publish in the big prestige journals – which also come with the highest price-tag for their institutions – because those are the journals other academics read, which means that getting published is top journal increases the likelihood that another academic will find and cite your work.

If academics could all agree to prioritize other journals for reading, then they could also prioritize other journals for submissions. If they could all prioritize other journals for submissions, they could all prioritize other journals for reading. Instead, they all hold one another hostage, through a wicked collective action problem that holds back science, starves their institutions of funding, and puts their colleagues at risk of imprisonment.

Despite this structural barrier, academics have fought tirelessly to escape the event horizon of scholarly publishing's monopoly black hole. They avidly supported "open access" publishers (most notably PLoS), and while these publishers carved out pockets for free-to-access, high quality work, the scholarly publishing cartel struck back with package deals that bundled their predatory "open access" journals in with their traditional journals. Academics had to pay twice for these journals: first, their institutions paid for the package that included them, then the scholars had to pay open access submission fees meant to cover the costs of editing, formatting, etc – all that stuff that basically doesn't exist.

Academics started putting "preprints" of their work on the web, and for a while, it looked like the big preprint archive sites could mount a credible challenge to the scholarly publishing cartel. So the cartel members bought the preprint sites, as when Elsevier bought out SSRN:

https://www.techdirt.com/2016/05/17/disappointing-elsevier-buys-open-access-academic-pre-publisher-ssrn/

Academics were elated in 2011, when Alexandra Elbakyan founded Sci-Hub, a shadow library that aims to make the entire corpus of scholarly work available without barrier, fear or favor:

https://sci-hub.ru/alexandra

Sci-Hub neutralized much of the collective action trap: once an article was available on Sci-Hub, it became much easier for other scholars to locate and cite, which reduced the case for paying for, or publishing in, the cartel's journals:

https://arxiv.org/pdf/2006.14979

The scholarly publishing cartel fought back viciously, suing Elbakyan and Sci-Hub for tens of millions of dollars. Elsevier targeted prepress sites like academia.edu with copyright threats, ordering them to remove scholarly papers that linked to Sci-Hub:

https://svpow.com/2013/12/06/elsevier-is-taking-down-papers-from-academia-edu/

This was extremely (if darkly) funny, because Elsevier's own publications are full of citations to Sci-Hub:

https://eve.gd/2019/08/03/elsevier-threatens-others-for-linking-to-sci-hub-but-does-it-itself/

Meanwhile, scholars kept the pressure up. Tens of thousands of scholars pledged to stop submitting their work to Elsevier:

http://thecostofknowledge.com/

Academics at the very tops of their fields publicly resigned from the editorial board of leading Elsevier journals, and published editorials calling the Elsevier model unethical:

https://www.theguardian.com/science/blog/2012/may/16/system-profit-access-research

And the New Scientist called the racket "indefensible," decrying the it as an industry that made restricting access to knowledge "more profitable than oil":

https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg24032052-900-time-to-break-academic-publishings-stranglehold-on-research/

But the real progress came when academics convinced their institutions, rather than one another, to do something about these predator publishers. First came funders, private and public, who announced that they would only fund open access work:

https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-018-06178-7

Winning over major funders cleared the way for open access advocates worked both the supply-side and the buy-side. In 2019, the entire University of California system announced it would be cutting all of its Elsevier subscriptions:

https://www.science.org/content/article/university-california-boycotts-publishing-giant-elsevier-over-journal-costs-and-open

Emboldened by the UC system's principled action, MIT followed suit in 2020, announcing that it would no longer send $2m every year to Elsevier:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/06/12/digital-feudalism/#nerdfight

It's been four years since MIT's decision to boycott Elsevier, and things are going great. The open access consortium SPARC just published a stocktaking of MIT libraries without Elsevier:

https://sparcopen.org/our-work/big-deal-knowledge-base/unbundling-profiles/mit-libraries/

How are MIT's academics getting by without Elsevier in the stacks? Just fine. If someone at MIT needs access to an Elsevier paper, they can usually access it by asking the researchers to email it to them, or by downloading it from the researcher's site or a prepress archive. When that fails, there's interlibrary loan, whereby other libraries will send articles to MIT's libraries within a day or two. For more pressing needs, the library buys access to individual papers through an on-demand service.

This is how things were predicted to go. The libraries used their own circulation data and the webservice Unsub to figure out what they were likely to lose by dropping Elsevier – it wasn't much!

https://unsub.org/

The MIT story shows how to break a collective action problem – through collective action! Individual scholarly boycotts did little to hurt Elsevier. Large-scale organized boycotts raised awareness, but Elsevier trundled on. Sci-Hub scared the shit out of Elsevier and raised awareness even further, but Elsevier had untold millions to spend on a campaign of legal terror against Sci-Hub and Elbakyan. But all of that, combined with high-profile defections, made it impossible for the big institutions to ignore the issue, and the funders joined the fight. Once the funders were on-side, the academic institutions could be dragged into the fight, too.

Now, Elsevier – and the cartel – is in serious danger. Automated tools – like the Authors Alliance termination of transfer tool – lets academics get the copyright to their papers back from the big journals so they can make them open access:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/09/26/take-it-back/

Unimaginably vast indices of all scholarly publishing serve as important adjuncts to direct access shadow libraries like Sci-Hub:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/10/28/clintons-ghost/#cornucopia-concordance

Collective action problems are never easy to solve, but they're impossible to address through atomized, individual action. It's only when we act as a collective that we can defeat the corruption – the concentrated gains and diffuse losses – that allow greedy, unscrupulous corporations to steal from us, wreck our lives and even imprison us.

Community voting for SXSW is live! If you wanna hear RIDA QADRI and me talk about how GIG WORKERS can DISENSHITTIFY their jobs with INTEROPERABILITY, VOTE FOR THIS ONE!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/16/the-public-sphere/#not-the-elsevier

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honeyscara · 4 months ago

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❝not a joke ❞ — Shoyo Hinata

-haikyu{manga spoilers}

Synopsis: childhood besties to lovers, hinata is finally back from Brazil and things take a turn when he's back.

C/w: fem! reader x timeskip!hinata, no smut in this part but it's suggestive

~4.2k words, this is part 1 { part 2 here}

You fidgeted with the hem of your sweater as you stood near the arrival gates, your heart pounding in anticipation. It had been two years since you last saw Hinata. Two years since he had left for Brazil, chasing his dream. You had kept in touch—video calls, texts, the occasional voice note—but nothing could compare to seeing him in person again.

Then, finally, you spotted him.

The moment he stepped through the gates, your breath hitched.

This wasn’t the same scrawny, hyperactive boy who used to race you to the convenience store or challenge you to impromptu volleyball matches at the park. No, this Hinata was different. He stood taller, broader, his frame filled out with muscle in a way that made your stomach flip. His tanned skin, sharp jawline, and confident stride made it clear—Brazil had changed him.And damn, he looked good.

Your legs moved before your brain could catch up. "sho!"

His head snapped up, and the second his eyes landed on you, his entire face lit up. "___!"

In an instant, you crashed into him, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as his strong ones curled around your waist. He lifted you off the ground effortlessly, spinning you once before setting you down, his laughter ringing in your ears.

"You're real," you mumbled into his shoulder, squeezing him tight. "You're actually here."

Hinata pulled back just enough to look at you, his wide grin never faltering. "Of course I’m here! Did you think I was some clone?" He laughed, the sound warm and familiar, and you felt a lump form in your throat.

You smacked his arm playfully. "Shut up, you know what I mean."

Hinata chuckled, his grip on you tightening for a moment before he finally pulled back just enough to look at you. His bright eyes searched your face, as if making sure you were real too.

"And you haven’t changed at all!" he teased, ruffling your hair like he used to, though there was something softer in the way he did it now—more affectionate than playful.

You swatted his hand away with a pout. "Speak for yourself! What happened to the little tangerine I used to know?"

Hinata grinned, flexing his arm exaggeratedly. "Turns out playing beach volleyball in the sun every day does wonders!"

You rolled your eyes, but your smile gave you away. "Yeah, yeah, whatever, big shot. Let’s go—your mom’s been texting me every five minutes asking if you’re here yet."

His eyes widened. "Oh, crap. She’s gonna kill me if I don’t call her right now."

With a laugh, you grabbed his wrist and started dragging him toward the exit. The warmth of his skin against yours sent a jolt through you, a reminder that he was really back. No more time differences, no more lagging video calls. Just him. Here. Now.

As you walked side by side, Hinata glanced at you, a small smile playing on his lips. "I missed you."

Your steps faltered slightly before you caught yourself. The words were simple, but the way he said them—soft, sincere—made your heart stutter.

You swallowed, pushing away the sudden rush of emotions. "Yeah, me too, Sho."

The next day came quicker than you expected, and as you got ready, a strange mix of excitement and nervousness settled in your chest. It shouldn’t have felt like a big deal—you were just taking Hinata out for the meal you’d promised. But something about it felt… different. Maybe it was because you weren’t kids anymore. You had both grown, matured, changed. And though Hinata was still his usual energetic self, there was a newfound confidence in him that made your stomach flip.

You smoothed down the floral dress you’d picked out—simple, cute, just short enough to feel a little daring but not too revealing. With one last look in the mirror, you grabbed your bag just as the doorbell rang.

Taking a deep breath, you opened the door.

And Hinata froze.

His brain seemed to short-circuit for a second as he took you in, eyes widening slightly before he quickly cleared his throat.

"You…" He blinked rapidly, trying to shake off whatever had just come over him. "You look—uh—wow."

You raised an amused brow. "Wow?"

A faint flush crept up his tanned cheeks as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean—you look really nice! Like, really, really nice."

Your lips curled into a teasing smile. "Thanks, Sho."

And just like that, his usual grin returned, though his heart still hammered in his chest as he stepped aside for you. What the hell was that? You’d always been pretty, but for some reason, tonight, seeing you like this, it felt like his heart might actually leap out of his chest.

The restaurant you picked was a cozy little spot, nothing too fancy but perfect for catching up. The two of you settled into a booth, ordering your food while slipping easily into conversation. Hinata had endless stories about Brazil—the intense training, the beautiful beaches, the culture, the food. His eyes practically sparkled as he talked, his excitement infectious.

At some point, between bites of your meal, the topic of dating came up.

"So," you leaned back, stirring your drink with your straw. "Did you see any hot girls in Brazil? You know, sitting on the benches watching you play?"

Hinata smirked, eyes glinting with mischief. "Oh yeah, plenty."

You hadn’t expected your stomach to twist at his response, but it did. You forced a laugh, taking a sip of your drink to mask the unexpected pang of disappointment. "Wow, look at you. Living the dream, huh?"

He grinned but didn’t say anything right away, just watching you with a knowing look. Then, after a beat, he leaned forward on his elbows. "I was just teasing, you know."

You blinked. "Huh?"

Hinata chuckled, shaking his head. "You looked kinda sad for a second."

You quickly waved him off. "Pfft, no way. I was just surprised, that’s all."

He didn’t seem convinced, but he let it slide. Instead, he tilted his head, curiosity dancing in his expression. "What about you? Did you like anyone while I was gone?"

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. "Please. No guys would go for me."

Hinata frowned. "What? That’s not true."

You gave a half-hearted shrug. "It’s fine, really. I mean, I guess I just wasn’t anyone’s type. Maybe I should start carrying a sign that says desperate and available might speed up the process." You laughed at your own joke, but Hinata didn’t.

Instead, his brows furrowed, and he leaned in just slightly, voice softer now. "You know, if any guy didn’t see how amazing you are, that’s their loss."

Your breath hitched, your fingers tightening around your glass.

He said it so naturally, like it was just a fact. Like it wasn’t something that made your heart stutter in your chest.

For a moment, you couldn’t speak. The way Hinata looked at you—earnest, unwavering—made your usual ability to deflect and joke disappear. You swallowed, breaking eye contact as you toyed with the rim of your glass.

"Well," you said, forcing a chuckle to lighten the mood, "good thing I have you to boost my ego."

Hinata huffed, shaking his head. "I’m serious." His voice was firmer this time. "You’re funny, kind, and you’ve always been there for me. I don’t get why some guy hasn’t already swept you off your feet."

Your heart pounded against your ribs. He said it so casually, like it was obvious. Like it wasn’t making your chest tighten in a way that felt dangerous.

You tried to brush it off with another laugh. "Guess I’m just too intimidating."

Hinata snorted. "Yeah, right." Then, after a beat, he grinned. "Maybe guys just think they don’t have a chance with you."

That caught you off guard. "What?"

He shrugged, leaning back in his seat. "I mean, think about it. You’re cool, you’re cute—maybe they’re just scared to confess."

Your breath hitched. Did he just—?

Before you could even process it, Hinata stretched his arms over his head, completely unaware of the effect his words had on you. "Anyway! Doesn’t matter. If they’re too dumb to see how great you are, then they don’t deserve you."

You stared at him, something fluttering in your chest. He was still the same Hinata—loud, a little clueless, always brimming with energy. But sometimes, just sometimes, he said things that made you wonder if maybe he saw you differently than he used to. And maybe… maybe you were starting to see him differently too.

As the two of you stepped out of the restaurant, a sudden downpour greeted you. The once-clear sky had turned dark, raindrops pelting down hard against the pavement.

"Ah, crap," you muttered, pulling your arms close to yourself as a chilly breeze followed. "I didn’t check the weather."

Hinata groaned, rubbing the back of his head. "Me neither." He glanced around before perking up. "hey, my place is closer. No one’s home either so you can stay over...maybe?"

You stared at him for a second before smirking. "Hinata Shoyo, are you trying to get me alone?"

Hinata choked. "Wha—?! No! I didn’t mean it like that!" He flailed his arms, face heating up. "It’s just—y-you always used to come over when we were kids, right? It’d be like a sleepover! But, uh, not in a weird way! Just—y'know—so you don’t have to walk home in the rain!"

You stared at him, amused by how fast he was unraveling.

He cleared his throat, still clearly flustered. "I-I have a spare pair of clothes you can borrow! So you don’t get sick!"

You bit back a smile, watching him trip over his words. "Relax, I’m just joking with you."

His shoulders slumped with relief. "Don’t do that to me," he whined.

You laughed, nudging his arm. "Alright, alright. Let’s go before we get completely drenched."

Hinata huffed, pulling his hoodie up. But as the two of you started jogging toward his place, you couldn’t help but feel that same strange flutter in your chest from earlier. Because as silly and panicked as he got… he still wanted to take care of you.

By the time you reached Hinata’s place, you were both soaked. Your dress clung uncomfortably to your skin, and Hinata’s hoodie was drenched, his damp hair sticking to his forehead.

"Okay, yeah, this was a terrible idea," he admitted between breaths, shaking out his arms like a wet dog.

You laughed, hugging yourself for warmth. "I told you we should’ve just called a cab."

"Where’s the fun in that?" He grinned before stepping aside to let you in.

You walked through the hallway, the familiar scent of Hinata’s home wrapping around you like a nostalgic hug. It felt like stepping into the past, except… everything felt different now.

His bedroom door was slightly ajar, and you peeked inside.

It was almost exactly how you remembered it—volleyball posters, random clothes on the chair, and his bed a little messy but still welcoming. The only real difference was the trophies and medals on his shelf, a testament to how far he’d come.

As you stepped inside, your fingers ran over the edge of his desk, your mind lost in memories of all the times you had spent in this room, whether it was watching dumb videos, challenging each other to games, or just lying on the floor talking about your dreams.

Then—

"Boo!"

"AH!" You jumped, spinning around just as Hinata burst into laughter, clutching his stomach.

"Hinata, you idiot!" You smacked his arm, but he barely flinched, too busy laughing at your reaction."Sorry, sorry! I couldn’t resist!" He grinned, holding out a towel and some dry clothes—a worn T-shirt and a pair of shorts. "Here, you can change into these."

You grabbed them, still glaring. "I should make you suffer for that scare."

Hinata smirked. "Oh no, are you gonna steal my bed and make me sleep on the floor?"

"Tempting," you muttered, looking down at the clothes. His T-shirt looked big—big enough that it would probably hang loosely over you. "Guess I’ll be swimming in these."

Hinata chuckled. "Better than staying in that wet dress."

You rolled your eyes but didn’t argue, making your way to the bathroom. The second you shut the door, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.

This felt… weird. Not in a bad way, but in a way that made your heart race a little too fast. You’d stayed over at Hinata’s plenty of times as kids, but this was different. You weren’t kids anymore.

As you changed in the bathroom, you realized with a sigh that your bra was just as drenched as your dress. There was no way you were putting it back on as it clung uncomfortably to your skin, cold and heavy with rain. You hesitated for a second before deciding to go without it, pulling on Hinata’s oversized t-shirt instead. The fabric was soft, slightly worn, and it smelled like him—fresh laundry mixed with something undeniably Hinata.You ran your fingers through your hair, trying to make yourself look somewhat presentable before stepping out.

When you stepped out, Hinata glanced up from where he was towel-drying his hair, and just like before, he froze. His brain short-circuited.

At first, he had just been prepared to tease you about how his clothes practically swallowed you whole. But then his gaze caught on the way the loose fabric draped over you, how it shifted with your movements, and...oh

You weren’t wearing a bra. The way the thin material did absolutely nothing to hide the erect peaks poking out from underneath, and the soft swell beneath it.

Hinata’s face went up in flames.

Oh. Oh.

He ripped his gaze away so fast he almost gave himself whiplash, suddenly finding the most fascinating spot on the floor to stare at. Don't look, don't look, don't look—

But it was too late. That single glance was already burned into his brain, and no amount of panicked mental screaming was going to erase it.

"N-nothing!" His voice cracked, and he gripped the towel in his hands like it was a lifeline. "You just—uh—you look comfortable!"

You smirked, completely oblivious to the absolute war happening in his head. "What, jealous that I pull off your clothes better than you do?"

Hinata let out the most unconvincing laugh of his life. "Y-yeah! I mean, no! No way!" He could feel his ears burning, and he desperately tried to focus on literally anything else. "S-so, uh, movie?"

You stretched your arms over your head with a yawn, completely unaware of how his eyes almost flickered down again before he clenched his jaw and forced himself to stare straight ahead.

"Yeah, sure," you said, flopping onto the couch beside him.

Hinata grabbed the remote, fingers fumbling as he picked the first thing that appeared on the screen. He had no idea what he just put on. It could’ve been a horror movie, a documentary, or a three-hour-long ad, and he wouldn’t have noticed.Because no matter how hard he tried, he could not stop thinking about the fact that you—his best friend—were sitting next to him, wearing his clothes, and making his heart race in a way that felt far too dangerous.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, Hinata—still reeling from his internal meltdown—mindlessly pressed play on whatever movie popped up first. Big mistake.

Because barely fifteen minutes in, the screen suddenly shifted to a scene that made both of you freeze.

Heavy breathing. Slow, lingering touches. Clothes slipping off way too easily.

Oh. Oh.

You choked on your own spit. "Hinata—"

Hinata, already red as a tomato, practically threw the remote in his panic, scrambling to grab it again. "I—I DIDN’T KNOW! I JUST CLICKED SOMETHING!"

You clapped a hand over your mouth, trying not to burst into nervous laughter. "Oh my god."

Hinata, on the other hand, looked like he was fighting for his life. He was stiff as a board, eyes darting anywhere but the screen. "I’ve never watched this with you before!" he blurted out, as if that somehow made this less mortifying.

You raised an eyebrow. "So, you’ve watched this alone?"

Hinata nearly died on the spot. "THAT'S NOT—!" He smacked the remote until the screen finally blessedly went black. Silence.

Then you lost it, bursting into laughter while Hinata groaned, burying his face in his hands. "This is the worst."

Still giggling, you leaned back against the couch, wiping a tear from your eye. "Oh my god, Sho, that was so bad."

Hinata groaned again, dragging his hands down his face. "I swear on volleyball, I didn’t mean to put that on."

You smirked, nudging his arm. "So you have watched that kinda stuff alone, huh?"

"STOP," he whined, throwing his head back dramatically. "I’m already suffering."

You couldn’t help but laugh at how flustered he was, cheeks still red, ears burning. You’d never seen him react like this before—it was… oddly cute.

After a moment, Hinata huffed, crossing his arms. "You didn’t exactly change the channel either, y'know."

Your face heated up. "HEY! I was shocked! I wasn’t expecting to see—" You clamped your mouth shut, shaking your head rapidly. "Nope. Not finishing that sentence."

Hinata snorted, finally cracking a grin. "Yeah, let’s just pretend that never happened."

You nodded. "Agreed. Now, please pick something safe. Like, a cartoon. Or a volleyball match. Something that won’t make us want to die."

Hinata grabbed the remote again, determined. "On it. No more accidental… that."

But as he scrolled through the options, a single, dangerous thought crossed his mind...Why was it so easy to picture watching something like that with you… and not just as a joke?

As Hinata scrolled through the movie options, his mind was still stuck on what had just happened. The sheer embarrassment of it. The way you had looked at him, teasing but also—maybe—just a little flustered too.

And then there was the part that was really messing with his head… the part where, for just a split second, he’d wondered what it would be like if—

Nope. Nope. Absolutely not going there.

But then, you stretched beside him, adjusting the oversized shirt you were wearing—his shirt—and the movement drew his eyes right to where the fabric clung to you. His throat went dry.

And as if the universe wanted to make things worse, you turned to him, tilting your head. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah!" His voice cracked, and he quickly looked away, staring so hard at the TV that he was surprised it didn’t catch fire.

You raised an eyebrow, smirking. "You sure? You’re looking kinda nervous."

"N-no! I’m fine! Totally fine!" He forced a laugh, but the way his knee was bouncing gave him away completely.

You leaned in a little, resting your chin on your hand as you studied him. "Hmmm… is it ‘cause of that scene?" Hinata froze.

A slow, knowing smile spread across your lips. "Oh my god," you whispered, eyes twinkling with mischief. "Are you still thinking about it?"

"I—*NO!" he practically yelled, face burning hotter than the sun. "Why would I—?!"

You let out a low hum, clearly enjoying his reaction way too much. "I mean, I get it… it was a lot," you mused, voice just a bit too playful. "Not really something we’ve ever watched together before, huh?"

Hinata swallowed hard. "Nope! Definitely not!"

You traced random patterns on the couch, pretending to be lost in thought. "Kinda makes you wonder, though…"

His brain screeched to a halt. "*Wonder what?!*"

You grinned, leaning in a little closer, your voice dropping just enough to make his heart stutter. "What it’d be like to watch something like that… on purpose."

Hinata nearly died on the spot. His whole body tensed, his mind scrambling to process your words, but all he could come up with was pure, unfiltered panic.

"WHAT?!" His voice shot up so high it cracked, and he practically threw himself back against the couch as if that would somehow put distance between him and the very questionable situation unfolding.

You bit your lip, clearly enjoying every second of his meltdown. "What?" you teased, tilting your head. "Just saying…curiosity is normal, right?"

Hinata's brain was short-circuiting. His hands clenched into fists on his lap, his ears so hot they could probably fry an egg. "Curiosity—?!" He gulped, shaking his head furiously. "Nope! Nope! I refuse to be a part of whatever weird mind game this is!"

You just laughed, plopping back against the couch. "Relax, Sho. I’m just joking with you."

But that did not make him relax.

In fact, if anything, the damage was already done. Because now, no matter how hard he tried, his brain was not letting go of the thought. Watching something like that with you.On purpose. Or worse...you and him doing— no. Absolutely not.

Hinata swallowed thickly, shifting uncomfortably. He was so screwed.

You shifted closer, resting your chin on his shoulder, pretending like you weren’t feeling the heat creeping up your own neck. "Shoooo," you dragged out his name, voice laced with amusement. "Why are you so red?"

Hinata tensed like a live wire, jaw clenched, hands gripping his knees like they were the only things keeping him grounded. "I—I'm not!"

You let out a small hum, eyes flickering to the way his ears were practically glowing. "Liar," you whispered, your breath brushing against his skin. He jolted, his whole body stiffening like you’d electrocuted him.

You smirked. "Ohhh, you’re totally flustered!"

"No, I’m not!" Hinata shot back, turning to face you—big mistake. Because now, your faces were *way* closer than he expected, and for a split second, neither of you moved.

Your heart pounded. His eyes flickered down—to your lips, to the slight curve of your smirk—before snapping back up to meet your gaze.

Dangerous. Very dangerous.

And you did what any reasonable person would do when faced with this much tension. You attacked. Your fingers darted out, finding that one ticklish spot on his side, the one you knew would break him.

"AH—HEY!" Hinata practically yelped, twisting away, but you were relentless. You pushed forward, giggling as you dug your fingers into his ribs, his stomach, anywhere you could reach.

"Admit it!" you laughed. "You’re so flustered!"

"*N-nohoho—!*" Hinata was losing it, squirming as uncontrollable laughter bubbled out of him. "Stohop! It tickles"

"Never!"

He tried to escape, but you were quick, dodging his weak attempts to grab your hands. He was laughing too hard, his strength betraying him.

Then, suddenly—

Hinata snapped.

With a burst of energy, he lunged forward, grabbing your wrists and flipping the whole situation on you.

You let out a surprised gasp as your back hit the couch, Hinata looming over you, pinning your wrists above your head. His breathing was heavy, his hair slightly disheveled from all the movement.

And that wasn’t even the worst part.Your shirt had ridden up way more than either of you had realized in the chaos, exposing the smooth skin of your stomach, the subtle dip of your waist. His hands were still pinning yours above your head, but his eyes—traitorous, stupid eyes—lingered a second too long.

Too long to be normal. Too long to be ignored.

And you noticed.You sucked in a sharp breath, your chest rising and falling a little too quickly. "Shoyo…"

Wow...this took a while and it's not complete. Second part coming soon which is gonna be smut so mdni!

#haikyuu #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyu #haikyu hinata #hinata shoyo #haikyuu shoyo #hq #hq x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #hq hinata #hinata shoyo x reader #honeyscara works

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yourlocalcryptidbee · 1 year ago

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⭐NSFW Alphabet with Lucifer Morningstar

Good old NSFW Alphabet with our favourite duck man. Grab some snacks and a beverage, get comfy and enjoy <3

Template can be found here

~1.4k words

GN! Reader, mentions of makeup Want the SFW one? Find it here!

Content Warning: NSFW, not proof read

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He’s attentive to your needs. The literal king of aftercare, whatever you want he can provide. A bath? You got it. Cuddles? A snack? A walk in the garden? Hell, more sex? You got it!

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes his tongue, plain and simple. The power he has over you with it is his favourite thing. Watching how you squirm just because of this one part of him, he’s ready to blow a load just thinking about it! You on the other hand, oh he’s tied between your thighs and your chest. The way your legs shake just that little bit when he’s doing something right? Or the way your chest HEAVES after you cum? It’s too good!

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Would eat your cum breakfast, lunch and dinner if given the chance. And trust, he’s tried to do that on multiple occasions. You stop him, saying something about having a “balanced diet” whatever that means…

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Lucifer fantasizes about you riding him during a meeting. He’s caught himself thinking about you sitting on his lap, while he’s on the throne, bouncing up and down restlessly like your soul depends on it. He’ll sit and envision what everyone else’s reaction would be, although he isn’t the biggest fan of sharing so maybe this will have to stay a fantasy…until he can learn to hold that many clones of himself that is (;

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

This man has been around since before the creation of humanity, over 10,000 years! At least 8,000 of those years having sex with either Lilith or Eve. So yes, Lucifer knows what he’s doing, and he knows he knows that he’s good at it. It’s named ‘The devil’s tango’ for a reason ya’ll.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Spooning or really anything where all of him is pressed into all of you. He just wants to hold you, whatever position that may be. He may be sexy but he is still damaged, and this is vulnerable. Just let him lay all his lovin on you ok?

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Depends heavily on the foreplay, but on average he’ll start a lil goofy and turn more serious as the act goes on. But always be ready for a wayward joke here and there. Sometimes it’s just too good to pass up! (just like how having sex with you is too good to pass up)

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He’s kept himself surprisingly well-groomed after his seven-year isolation. It’s trim and orderly the first time you see it, though it doesn’t matter that much because it’s such a pale blonde, that it’s basically invisible.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

My God, this man is bursting at the seams with love for you. His heart swells so much that it starts to hurt when he thinks about how he gets to participate in such a vulnerable and personal thing like sex with you. The most hated being in creation and you willing run into his trap, arms open and ready to envelop him in pleasure. Even if you can’t see it in his face or his words during the moment, he is always just so thankful that you could love him like this.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

At least once a day. He can’t help himself, plus he doesn’t have much going on most days sooo why not? No one’s stopping him, well you might but that's just cause you would rather help him than let him do it on his own.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

It is Lucifer, he’s got the words ‘corruption kink’ written on his goddamn head. (attached to the neck or the shaft, dealer’s choice) Like dirty talk is a lot of ‘What would your Father Even think of you now? On your knees for me? Hm? Darling, I can’t hear you~’. They want him to be the antichrist? Fine. Spread your legs and give him until the sun rises and he’ll show just how cruel he can be.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

His Throne, it’s the one place where he knows that no other person could even sit, let alone have sex on. This is the Sin of Pride, of course, his favourite place is centred around his power.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

When you call him yours, my king, my love, my slut. The little choice in wording that shows that you understand just how much of his heart you own, and that is all of it by the way.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

While you’ve never done this because you understand, it turns him off real quick if you bring up his past love, Lilith. They’ve been divorced for years and he’s moved on but still, it rubs him the wrong way if you were to ask if ‘Lilith could fuck you like this, if she could love you like this or make you moan the way I do?’ Just No.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

10s 10s 10s all across the board!

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Again, depends on the foreplay but also how his depression is. If he is slipping into or is in another episode than its all sweet nothings, slow and romantic. If not than he’s more willing to go as fast as your body can handle.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Lucifer rathers to not have quickies but it happens. To him, it feels like he can’t make sure that you’re both getting what you want and he’d rather sell his soul to Alastor than leave you unsatisfied because of a goddamn time constraint.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He may be skeptical but he’ll try it. You got to try to know if you’ll like it. Plus you got quite the funny story from failed attempts at some things but that's part of the fun aint it?

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He’s the Devil from the Bible! Lucifer is quite literally otherworldly, his stamina doesn’t run out, it’s allllllll on how long you hold on for, baby.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Not the biggest fan of toys but if your adamant, he’ll give them a go again. Although ropes will always be on the table for him (;

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

A constant tease! All day, every day honey. He thrives when teasing you but as soon as the tables turn he is melting like that! That being said, he’s learnt to be careful with how much he teases you, least he want a repeat of that day at that gala, and seeing as Ozzie still makes fun of him for it, he’d rather not.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

His bedroom is soundproof. That’s explanation enough.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He loves it when you leave markings on him, scratches, bites, hickeys or d) all of the above. Don’t get him started on when your lipstick stains his face or clothes. Minimum 30% of all of his shirts have a crisp kiss mark on the collar and Lucifer wouldn’t have it any other way.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Matches the rest of him pretty well, on the thin side as well as a blinding white colour while hitting a comfortable 7.8 inches. He knows exactly how to use it too. No wonder Lilith felt like That Bitch.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Need it being said? His sex drives rivals that of Angel Dust. Don’t start something you can’t finish.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If the two of you aren’t cuddling then he doesn’t fall asleep until it’s almost sunrise. If you do snuggle up on him then it’s lights out real quick. That mix of sex, your shampoo and your body against his is his ultimate melatonin.

#hazbin lucifer x reader #lucifer morningstar x reader #hazbin hotel #lucifer hazbin x reader #lucifer x reader #lucifer x you #lucifer morningstar #lucifer magne

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flowersforzoe11 · 9 months ago

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my top 5 NoContext Alex Rider moments in no order: (off the top of my head bc i haven't read this series since like 2019)

the time he declined his clone's facebook friend request because the vibes were off (he didnt even remember who julius was)

when he as wondering why damain cray was insane and he immediately assumed porn

when he gave a pitbull 6 sleeping pills cut inside of a steak (his entire escape plan hinged on this working) (this somehow worked)

when he and the K unit guys went on that nasty hike and they were being dicks and he was so Fed Up that he just threw a book of matches at them and left

when Alex and Ash met the disguises lady and Alex was cool with a) showing her his gunshot scar b) stripping in front of her and c) almost drowning himself in a bathtub to dye his skin, but the second she suggested wearing shoes that were half a size too small he drew his fucking line in the sand

#alex rider #alex rider books #alex rider series #anthony horowitz #ash #damian cray #jack starbright #julius grief #unhinged #out of context

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youpier · 1 year ago

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Could I maybe request a nsfw alphabet for Naruto and Sasuke. <33

Nsfw alphabet ft. Naruto & Sasuke!

A/n: thanks for being my first ask! ♡ sorry if it's a bit short, this is my first time with nsfw 😭🩷

Naruto Uzumaki -

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex): He tries his best! He's super full of energy, and sometimes forget you're tired after sex. Let him know what you need and he's got it for you! His favorite part of aftercare is probably holding you and talking.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): His favorite part of himself is probably his hands! Whether in a sexual context or not, he loves touching you. His favorite part of you is your face, he loves looking at the expressions you make!

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person): He loves finishing on your face, or in your mouth!

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): He REALLY wants to fuck you with his shadow clones.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?): Moderately? He's had a couple partners since becoming more popular in the village. He has to be told what you like!

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying.): He's often all over you at random times, he likes going at it against the wall.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc): He's very silly, it's in his nature!

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.): Naruto doesn't shave. He's not a fan. His hair is just a bit darker than the ones on his head!

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…): Naruto can be intimate, but oftentimes can't be serious. That doesn't mean he doesn't find it romantic, he just likes cracking jokes and giggling throughout sex!

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon): He masturbates a lot, even with a partner. Very very easily worked up.

K = Kink (one of their kinks): Praise 100%, he lives for your affection and compliments.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do): On the wall or over a counter... Often too impatient to make it to bed.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going): Praising him about nearly anything! He's immediately all over you.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): Naruto refuses to degrade, he'd feel too guilty afterwards.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc): Prefers to receive, but is never opposed to giving!

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.): Fast! He's naturally very hyper, and sometimes will need to be told to slow down.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.): Loves them! He gets to set a fast pace and get things done before having to head out on a mission, go out, etc.!

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.): He'll experiment if you want to! He's plenty happy with his sex life as it is, but would try most things at least once if asked.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…): Lots of stamina! He lasts pretty long and can go for multiple rounds without needing a break (please...tell him if you need a second).

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?): Not really, he doesn't see a need for them. He doesn't mind you having any, but won't go out of his way to use them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): Huge tease! Even if it's stupid icha icha paradise quotes it's his mission to fluster you. Once he discovers edging it's definitely his favorite thing.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make): Surprisingly I don't think he'd be very loud, talkative sure. But he's more likely to groan and grunt quietly.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice): He goes way, way rougher on you if he feels shown up my Sasuke.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words): about 5.5 inches, but pretty thick. Veiny.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?): Incredibly high, he's almost always down for anything.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): Doesn't fall asleep for a while, but tries to once you're asleep.

Sasuke Uchiha -

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex): So attentive! Constantly asking if you're alright and if he can get anything for you. Has water and a cloth on standby for you!

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): He likes his eyes most. Not only as a pride thing but because whenever you compliment them it fills him with so much joy. He says he loves every part of you equally, but I think he's an ass guy in (not so) secret.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person): He's absolutely without question into breeding. Restoring the clan and all of that.. If you ask him not to of course he'll comply but other wise he'll ask to finish inside.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): He may or may not steal some of your clothes to bring with him on travels, and jerk off while smelling them.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?): I'd say he's pretty experienced, many women find him wildly attractive.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual): Missionary, he loves looking into your eyes!

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc): He's very serious. Naruto's exact opposite, he sometimes makes a sarcastic remark but otherwise he's not one for jokes.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.): He trims and sometimes shaves, both hair colors are the same!

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…): Very very romantic! He wants to make it special for you most of the time, even if you've been together long.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon): Not too often actually. Only if he really really misses you! Otherwise, it's incredibly rare.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks): Breeding, obviously. He loses his control at the thought of you having his children.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do): 100% the bed, he's normally going out of his way to take things to the bedroom if you both aren't there already.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going): Talks about wanting kids, and smelling you. If you have a perfume you often wear or shampoo you use he's buying you more the moment you run out.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): He hates the idea of causing you any pain, even light slaps make him feel awful.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc): He prefers to give! He's okay dying if it's between your thighs. Sometimes you'd have to pry him off of you after he starts, Sasuke is a determined man.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.): Sasuke is slow and sensual, he may speed up towards the end but is more into the intimate aspect of sex.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.): Absolutely not a fan. Maybe if he's in a rush and especially worked up, but even then he wouldn't feel as satisfied.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.): He's okay trying what you want! He doesn't have many specific things he'd like to try. Maybe temperature play. Not risky at all.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…): Pretty high stamina, a lot like Naruto! Lasts pretty long and for a good amount of rounds.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?): Is out too much to use toys, really. He likes using vibrators on you when he's home, though!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): He's wrapped around your finger, if you want something he won't deny you.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make): He's a lot more vocal when he's close, otherwise it's an occasional grunt (sometimes you wonder if he's even enjoying it... He is.)

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice): I think he's blunt about what he wants. He's likely to straight up tell you, "I want to have sex". Pretty honest guy!

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words): About 7 inches, not very thick. Upward curve.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?): I don't actually think it's very high! He likes it, yeah, but his libido is a bit below average. He doesn't mind whenever you want, though. You often may have to take initiative.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): Not very quickly. He holds you until you're asleep but stays up thinking or looking at you before he finally closes his eyes.

#naruto x reader #sasuke x reader #naruto smut #naruto uzumaki x reader #naruto headcanons #x reader #sasuke headcanons #request #im so nervous posting this lol

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sgiandubh · 9 months ago

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Anon rebelde.

Detecto un nerviosismo muy revelador en Mordor. La finalización del rodaje abre un escenario nuevo acerca de las posibles interacciones de Sam y Cait fuera de esa burbuja de trabajo, ya sabes, solo es fan service por lo tanto nuevo tablero de juego con unas fichas que se pueden mover, hasta cierto punto porque no olvidemos que queda todo lo relacionado con la 8 y última temporada, libremente. Y hay una cosa que me intriga acerca de los planes futuros de Cait. Mordor da por hecho que va a permanecer en UK ya que esa casa que compró va a ser su residencia habitual pero las ultimas noticias de hace ya tiempo era que esa residencia estaba inhabitable y me pregunto si ese factor ya está resuelto. Por supuesto dejo en tus manos actualizar esta duda.

Dear (returning) Anon Rebelde,

Lamento mucho la respuesta tardía a tu mensaje. Como siempre, el otoño parece ser esa época del año en la que las cosas se aceleran, por algún motivo aún oscuro, hasta ese agradable paroxismo navideño. Pero, sin más dilación, traduzcamos primero lo que me enviaste:

'I'm sensing a very revealing nervousness in Mordor. The end of filming opens a new scenario regarding the possible interactions between Sam and Cait outside of that work bubble (you know, it's just fan service), and so we've got a new game board with pieces that can be moved, to a certain point, because let's not forget that everything related to the 8th and final season still remains open. And there is one thing that intrigues me about Cait's future plans. Mordor assumes that she will remain in the UK since that house she bought will be her habitual residence, but the latest news from some time ago was that that residence was uninhabitable and I wonder if that factor has already been resolved. Of course, I leave it up to you to update this doubt.'

I don't think we need to comment more on the nervousness (you're elegant, I would rather call it hysteria) across the street. If these people are so damn RIGHT about everything, how come they seem to have completely blown a fuse, five minutes after their well-oiled, mean routine came to a brutal stop? Smooth operators (remember? LOL for an entire geological age) they are not, and never were; still, it's a thing to behold, just seeing the amount of clones trying to step into my backyard. You'd never make me believe that an entire battalion of newbies suddenly follow me, with empty pages and a whole list of shipper contacts to boot. And then we have those Anons, whose dull, morose perseverance is only matched by their obsessive cruelty. Anons who, mind you, are pretty much transparent in their style, punctuation and stylistic mannerisms - all of these always betray them, and yet they keep going on and on and on. Pretty mental, if you ask me.

The dubious advantage of answering late is that now we know C was eventually (and predictably) spotted in London, at an intimate dinner hosted by Jessica McCormack, a jewelry creator and Zoë Kravitz, Lenny's daughter and an actress in her own right. No family vacay in the sun with McGill and as soon out of Scotland as S - their pundits are worthless. We could logically assume a hefty part of her life will be spent in London, where all the glitz and the glam and the networking are, rather than in rainy and industrious Glasgow. And I cannot help but wonder what do all these people make of their own relationships, and the immediate vision I have is one of a very monotonous life, eons away from all that glamorous gypsiness. Which is quite alright, if you ask me. What is ridiculous, however, is to naively assume that everyone makes the same choices as them.

But you asked me about that house and I think it's time to share with you what I can share at the moment. For obvious reasons, I have obliterated the address and kept from the single document I am about to quote (there are several more in my possession) only the essential parts. The researcher I was, once upon a time, cringes at the thought. But it's better to be safe than sorry: encouraging stalking is certainly not a responsibility I am willing to take, even if the new address is known by all the factions of this fandom and even if the documents are public, therefore usable.

For context purposes, let's just remind that C's new "residence" is a high profile carriage house built in 1841 (featuring a wine cellar!), that one can see even on Wikipedia and in all the architectural guides of the city.

As such, it is protected by the national legislation and local regulation on heritage - the Scottish competent authority being Historic Environment Scotland (https://www.historicenvironment.scot/). They have a three-tiered listing system, with more or less flexible protection criteria and regulations. C's house is an A listed property ('outstanding example of a particular period, style or building type'):

It is a criminal offence to make any alterations to an A listed building without prior proper consent, on top of all the other planning permissions applications:

Any update or repair must, therefore, be vetted by the local city council, after a rather lengthy procedure of public consultation, where anyone (NGOs, but also private persons) can send comments. Quick aside, here: why would someone as private as C buy such a prominent property, situated on top of an elevation, nonetheless? I have my own idea about it, which is easy to guess, I suppose.

The house was bought in December 2022, for a hefty amount exceeding 2 millions GBP, way above its asking price of 1.6 million GBP:

Permission for further alterations was duly sought, several times. I will just mention one of those applications, which I could almost find comical (but no, I don't, really). Let's see where this takes us.

It took the new owners almost four months to submit the first application to the City Council. You'd say the architect's office was probably busy: fair enough. But then, this lackadaisical rhythm carried on, almost as if no prior strategy to address existing problems of the property and/or maximize the profit of a very expensive acquisition had ever existed. Almost as if one of the owners, or both of them didn't really GAF about the whole affair - and it is true and readily available online, that all the applications have been managed by ahem... The Manager himself or his appointed agents. C seemingly had nothing to do with the entire process: a bit curious, don't you think?

The second application (and the one I am going to talk about, here and now) was sent for consideration in July 2023, almost seven months after the sale was concluded. Curiously still, it aimed to widen the driveway entrance and make substantial changes to the entrance of the property. Discretion be damned, of course - how odd, huh?

It was flatly refused in September 2023 by the City Council, pending three objections from a neighbor and two national and local heritage protection charities/NGOs (Architectural Heritage Society of Scotland and Friends of Glasgow West):

With a bit of patience, you can read all the documents - they are not that hard to find, after all. I will not comment further upon them, as I find the above clear and enlightening enough. There is, however, one detail that definitely made me smile, remembering what brought me here first:

This, to be exact: 'the paving of the driveway (...) could lead to potential surface water/rainfall discharge onto the public footway and carriageway'.

As compared to this (remember? LOL):

[Remember: https://www.tumblr.com/sgiandubh/720483288334090240/it-all-starts-with-a-smoke-alarm]

There seems to be something odd going on between McGill and water damage. Carelessness, perhaps? I wouldn't dare presume.

Anyways. The entire permission tango with the City Council ended early March 2024. Since then, radio silence. The Taj Mahal stands empty, with not a sign of busy kerfuffle, as far as we know. I am well aware that the owners have three more years to go until the permission would be useless and they'd have to reapply again, but given the nature of the other planned updates (vacuum glazing, anyone?), I would doubt it is okay to wait until March 2027.

I hope this answered your question and I am once more grateful for your patience, Anon Rebelde.

#anon #fandom #shitshow #legal

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saiintvalentiine · 4 months ago

Text

hello. this is a messy execution of this post where i mused about the nature of c!Wifies and the fourth wall. im havin fun wit it. its not cleanly edited so sorry for any errors! might expand on the idea some time....... also mild spoilers for the maze by professor biggy. enjoy! divider

Word count: 866

It happens again. He's himself, then he's split, then melded, then himself again. It happens sometimes. It just does.

This time, his hands feel wrong. He flexes them over and over. The calluses are layered on top of each other, like two patterns that don't match and have been poorly stitched together.

“Dude, what’s wrong with you?”

“Don't ask that,” Wifies mutters, a knee jerk reaction. “They're listening.”

“What are you talking about?”

It's like a shock. Wifies's whole body jerks and he looks up and it's Parrot above him, Parrot who's giving him a suspicious look.

Parrot. Not—

“Sorry,” Wifies says, though the word tastes stale in his mouth. “Am I on the floor?”

“Yeah,” Parrot drawls, crouching down so they're closer to being eye to eye. “You sat down.”

“I had a dizzy spell,” Wifies says. The lie is fresh, breezy, god, who is he—

It's times like these where he wonders if it would've been better to have never known, to have remained unaware while scuttling through bedrock mazes. To have remained a fragment and not become the fractal.

Parrot presses a hand to Wifies's forehead, frowning at him like he's being stubborn. He cups Wifies's chin and tilts his head up, eye to critical eye.

“You’re not warm but your pupils are blown,” Parrot says. “You said you feel dizzy?”

“Yeah. I have dizzy spells or onset vertigo sometimes. Not too often, but sometimes.”

“You haven't had one in the time I've known you.”

“It's not that common. I used to have them more, but I got better.”

That's an understatement. As the other clones died, their stories coming to a close, Wifies would feel their fractal return to him. It was non-stop returns for weeks after the original Wifies was killed, and he was stuck in bed with a head that felt like it weighed a hundred pounds and a body that kept crying out for pains that didn't exist anymore. As the world ran out of clones, he was finally able to begin living.

Death to survive. Maybe that's a trend with the fractals. Maybe that’s what he’s meant to represent.

“Dude,” Parrot hisses, grabbing his face with both hands. “Your pupils just shrank so fast.”

“I'm fine,” Wifies insists, pressing his strange-wrong-sewn hands into Parrot's shoulders and pushing him back. “This is normal when I'm bouncing back from a spell. I promise.”

“I don't know if I believe you,” Parrot says, pushing himself closer. “You look sick.”

“Parrot,” Wifies says, fingers curling into Parrot's sleeves. “Seriously. Stop. Stop it.”

“You're worrying me.”

To get a taste of what you've never had is a blissful thing. He misses it. He had it. He doesn't have it here. He tries to bite his tongue, but a quiet part of himself has been made brave and now—

“Get off of me,” Wifies grits out, pulling his shield from his inventory and using it to knock Parrot back.

Parrot falls into a roll and Wifies feels bad for a split second until the dizziness returns. This is— someone just— Wifies gasps and falls back, sky spinning above his head. In the rooms. Someone in one of the rooms. A sand trap. Two in a row is cruel. Why would He write it like this? He tries to breathe through the feel of grit that isn't there and Parrot is yelling-not-yelling in that way he does when he's trying to show his feelings in a stupidly stoic way instead of just being honest with himself.

Lord.

“You're making it worse!” Wifies yells at him, blindly waving his shield at where he thinks Parrot is. “You're making this worse, stop it.”

“You didn't need to give me a shiner,” Parrot grumbles, making his way to stand over Wifies. He can see where the edge of the shield hit the corner of Parrot's eye, a bloom of red that threatens to grow darker and darker.“Would you have stopped otherwise?”

Parrot says nothing. He wouldn't.

“Your pupils are huge again, by the way,” Parrot says instead.

“I just want to get through this peacefully, Parrot. I've done this a bunch,” he sighs, blinking slowly at the wavering image of Parrot. “Go get yourself a healing pot for your eye.”

“When did you get so strong?” Parrot mutters, but rises anyway.

In his absence, Wifies drops his shield and forces his muscles to relax. Without Parrot around, his mind clears to the memories.

“Fuck,” he says, and rubs his eyes until his face stings all over. “Fuck, fuck.”

Chuck. He hopes Chuck got away. He was being honest when he said that even if he died, he wanted them to survive. It surprised him how badly he meant it. He wanted Chuck to live.

He can't think about Chuck for too long. Lingering on a fragment isn't hard, or painful, or even something he dislikes doing, but this one—

He sits up. The vertigo is there but he doesn't care. He thinks about a clone stuck in a room too far away from spawn to be saved. Somehow, that hurts less.

There are no funerals for tools. He knows that. It's easier that way.

He stands up.

#saiintly apocrypha #saiintly hymn #MCYT fanfiction #MCYTblr #wifies #parrotx2 #MCYT

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blkgirl-writing · 2 years ago

Note

I love your touch starved Gale so much 😭❤️ honestly it's so tender and yum haha

Do you have an A-Z/Alphabet NSFW thing for Gale??? 🙏

I do now!!! I totally forgot abut Alphabet stuff, if ya'll want one for every character let me know, I'm working on Astarion right now!

Gale Dekarios NSFW alphabet (x reader)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Gale is kind and caring, he will always make sure you get what you need before he really relaxes. Sex isn't over for him until you're taken care of, aftercare is a part of the sexual experience to him.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Creampie every time, though after eating you out he has stopped to cum on your thighs.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Not that much of a secret since anyone who looked at his underwear knows, it's self jerk off underwear. Honestly I think he's used them during battle when you look extra hot. Trying really hard not to show that he's pleasuring himself.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Gale is fairly experenced, having a few mortal hookups/relationships and obviously a long fling with Mystra that left him a bit sexually traumatized (and generally very traumatized). He's had enough sex to know what he wants but still open to try new things.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Side fucking is his favorite for sure, it's easy to get away with while camping with the others as well. Also plowing you from behind while you lay on your stomach is a favorite, as he can kiss your neck or hold down your waist.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Very serious. Once he gets in that mood there's no getting him out of it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He's trimmed for your pleasure, otherwise he'd definitely just forget.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Gale is a great mix of romantic, passionate, and filthy. Everything does hand in hand very well, he can absolutely run a train through you in astral protections with gangbanging you with literally just clones of himself, but he will still whisper sweet and romantic things, still check if you need to stop or if anything is too much.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Gale cry jerks like all the time lmao. Guilty masturbation is something he has mastered. Thinking about you before you get sexually involved? he will feel guilty.

How he jerks off is two different ways. The only way he can really cum is by grinding on something, his hand, the bed, his enchanted underwear, etc... But he doesn't need to cum. So he also jerks off with his hand behind the rocks near the beach in act 1s camp.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

This is gonna be a hear-me-out kind of situation.

Semi public sex kink. in front of windows, on balconies, middle of the forrest, etc.

lil bit of a jealousy thing, leaves hickies on your neck to show that ya'll fuck good.

he wouldn't do anything to harm you, so anything thats too 'harsh" is a no no for Gale.

thigh fucking kink?

sweaty kink?? cause battling? that whole speech was one of the most sexually charged things I have read.

lil bit of a breeding kink, not with actually getting pregnant, but definitely the deep creampies and keeping his cum in you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Gale cannot WAIT to fuck you in every single inch of his tower. Whenever he pictures fucking you, he pictures you in his home. It's kinda romantic.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Honestly, any glance at you will get him going. Like an instant hard on. If he looks at you too long, boner. if he looks at your thighs or butt? Boner. Slightly low cut top? Boner. Battling? Boner.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He would never do anything to hurt you, the most he'd do is wax play.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Giving. This man GIVES. He fucks to serve. He wants your pleasure, he doesn't cum til you do, no matter what. If that means he won't cum, then he won't cum. If he could spend all day between your legs he would.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Sensual but fast and hard. This man pounds.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He hadn't ever been able to not last a while before you, now, he can actually do quickies, which infatuates him for a while so you have a lot of quickies for a time. But usually everything lasts an hour or so.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Gale is down to try just about anything you'd want, but he definitely already knows what he likes most.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Shockingly he can go for awhile. He will need to just lay for a while because he definitely isn't made for long sessions, he just ignores his knee and back pain for you until he absolutely can't.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

We all know he will, can, and has used magic hand during sex. Does copies of him count as toys as well?

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Gale isn't one to tease much. Verbally, sometimes, yes, telling you how hot you are, how good you look, etc, while having no time to slip away to fuck.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

I feel like Mystra wanted him silent, so he's working on getting more vocal during sex. But he doesn't moan loudly, sometimes whimpers or gasps.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Gale absolutely reads smut. We know this kinda from his diagram books basically, but I think he has a whole bookshelf dedicated to smut. His favorite being wlw.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Said this before but honestly? I watched something and that dick that was shown just screamed Gale to me, so I'm revising my HC and saying Gale is 7 inches, girthy, and curved upwards and slightly to the left, it absolutely fucks. Like tied with best dick of the group, tied with Wyll and his ribbed cock.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Gales sex drive is very dependant on you. If he's thinking about you or around you? very high. On his own? slightly above average.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends. After a long fuck, literally instantly after he checks to see if you need anything. after astral fucking he feels energized, after a quickie he feels a bit tired but fine overall.

@shyminnie07 @makers-breath @claryvoyantfray @black-sapphic @fapqueen

(Consider supporting me on Ko-fi)

#x reader #fanfiction #smut #gale of waterdeep #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate gale #gale x reader #gale dekarios #bg3 gale #gale x tav #gale of waterdeep x reader #gale of waterdeep x tav #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #baldurs gate tav #bg3 tav #balders gate 3 #baldurs gate #tav

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hellsitegenetics · 1 year ago

Note

hey do you think you could like, kin assign me a sea creature i need it for something. thinks. i've seen like a bunch of sea things pop up so idk maybe thirty percent chance it goes in the water. if not uhhhh...i'll put it in the water anyway. you cannot stop me. thank you!! :]

String identified: t c , ag a a cat t tg. t. ' a c a tg a tt ct cac t g t at. t …' t t t at aa. cat t . ta !! :]

Closest match: Xenopus tropicalis clone ISB1-375F6, complete sequence Common name: Western clawed frog

(image source)

#tumblr genetics #genetics #asks #requests #sent to me #frogs #western clawed frog

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pplatonic · 6 months ago

Text

hey tptm-ers. the speech on the ??? page felt like just a bit too much to request of in hellsitegenetic's askbox out of nowhere so i did it myself, count this as an archive of the text i guess

Despite everything, I don't believe you. you can't understand how I feel or what I've been through. Maybe life just isn't for some people, and I'm one of those people.

Stop. Stop talking for once in your life and listen. You think you’re the exception? You think you’re special? That you are, somehow, the only person in human history to escape the bounds of being a social animal? You don’t think that’s conceited? Unreasonable?

You engage in wishful thinking for the diminished soul. You’re acting out fantasies of emotional masochism. You’re self-fulfilling the prophecy. Nobody is asking this of you but you. Nobody else is slobbering over your grief, your pain, your misery, but you. It’s unbecoming of you. Do you know what you look like from the outside, when you ask to be unloved? To let go of everything good? Because you sure as hell don’t look like the person you think you are. Your frugality is selfish, your lack of connection to the real world a cry for help in itself. The people willing to love you, to want you, to cherish you; they watch you do this.

We are no different from deer traveling in groups, fish latching onto bigger fish, egrets removing ticks from the skin of cattle for food. Yes, even in this age, you cannot fight the natural need to be loved, to prosper.

If you want to kill yourself, I can’t stop you. You have control over your own future, your own body, mind, and soul. Do whatever you please. But if you’re going to keep living, please, for your own sake, stop fucking living like this. You don’t have much time. You know this. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life devoted to loneliness, kneeling at the altar of your suffering?

Talk to your doctor about this. Find a local group that caters to your interests. Make a friend. Whatever you do, do something to prove to yourself that you’re still here. Every interaction has meaning if you let it. Everyone is connected. You can still do your part, you know. It’s not too late. Love is everywhere. It’s in the organs that keep you alive, in the synapses communicating these words to your brain, in the ache of hunger in your stomach, in the purple and yellow and green of a bruise healing, in the sound of blood rushing when you cover your ears. It’s all within you, asking to be shown, to be appreciated. It’s time you started listening. Please. If you listen to anything in your fucking life, please, I’m begging you, let it be this.

String identified:

t tg, . ca t ta at tg. a t t, a t.

t. t tag a t. t t t? t ca? Tat a, , t a t t ca g a c a aa? t t ta cct? a?

gag tg t. actg t ata ta ac. g t c. ag t t. g g, a, , t. t cg. at t t, a t? T t g tg g? eca a t t t a. gat , ac cct t t a a c t. T g t , t at , t c ; t atc t.

a t tag g, atcg t gg , gt g tc t catt . t ag, cat t t ata t , t .

at t , cat t. a ct t, , a. at a. t gg t g, a, a, t cg g t. t a c t. t. a at t t t t t , g at t ata g?

Ta t c at t. a ca g tat cat t tt. a a . at , t t t tat t. tact a ag t t. cct. ca t at, . t t t at. . t ga tat a, t a ccatg t t a, t ac g tac, t a a g a ag, t g c a. t a t , ag t , t acat. t t tat tg. a. t t atg cg , a, ggg , t t t .

Closest match: "Zebrafish DNA sequence from clone CH211-247J24 in linkage group 21, complete sequence"

It is a zebrafish / Danio rerio :)

#tptm #the post traumatic manifesto #weevildoing

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echantedtoon · 1 year ago

Text

Quite A Handful Ch2 Urami And Zohakutan

(Warnings for possible mentions of violence, death, cannibalism, usual kny content, etc.

I decided to include the last two clones too since I wrote for the main clones and Hantengu. I'll include Zohakutan but his interactions with Wife Y/n are STRICTLY PLATONIC!!

Hey everyone. I just wanted to thank everyone who read this far and liked my story enough to read it to it's end. I had a lot of fun writing it and it makes me happy knowing some people loved it enough to read it fully. If you liked this consider checking out my other works. Thanks to everyone for reading this, faving it, or leaving a nice comment. And thank you to Koyoharu Gotouge for creating such wonderful characters and giving me the opportunity to make this wonderful story.)

@hawnkoii

@hantengus-fuckass-clones

@hantenguclonesimp-minuszoha

The darkness of night was always dangerous to those whom did not heed the warnings of the monsters whom lurked within the abyss and shadows.

The woman knew that more than anyone else very well. Often finding herself confined within it's hold. Innocence ensnared like a bird within it's cage. Singing it's innocent melodies despite being condemned to be surrounded by cold iron bars. Forever ongoing. Swirling, swirling around

The sun sank beneath the horizon to make way for his sister the moon to take her rightful place upon her throne of darkness surrounded by her army men of stars and comets. 'Cone out!' She cried out to her dark children that hid from the light. 'My brother and his infernal light is gone. Once more come out to greet your mother and wreck discord upon thine earth. Have your fun dancing in my gentle glow and bask in the darkness that I reign upon as I watch over you.' The monsters woul answer their mother's cries. Dancing. Reigning havoc over the darkness. Bringing entropy to every household they manage to invade.

A fire warmed up the skin as your lazy eyes watched the dancing flames in the pit. The flickering lights casted dancing shadows the lonely still walls. They frolicked in tune with their own rythme in their own universe. However the warmth of the fire kept your body warm and toasted from the cold outside. No doubt crawling with monsters and demons of the abyss walking forth towards you with every step they took. In tune with every breath you took. But you didn't mind. Infact within the darkness the maiden embraced their outstretched embrace.

Step. Step. Step.

Closer and closer.

Breaths of sins clawed their way from a maw that swallowed more innocent lives than the mind cared to remember. Smiling at a wicked whom remembered or a sinful coppery taste that it could still taste on the malicious tongue. Running the muscle along fangs sharp and destined to rip flesh from mere bond. However the sins of that life would be forgotten in exchange for the comfort of innocence that the night allowed him to have once every moon. Footsteps soft yet loud enough to echo through the darkness and approaching the house with remaining light. Light that offered warmth and comfort but not protection.

F/c eyes opened slightly and turned. A door normally provided comfort and protection was no match for the class that ensnared it and pushed it open allowing the night and shadows to spill inside. The sinful, wicked face was delighted to see the one of innocent happiness smiling back to her.

"Hi, Honey!," you greeted brightly from where you were currently cutting a raw cow steak into smaller pieces for your dinner while a giant pot of rice was bubbling in the fireplace behind your smiling face. "You're home late. How was work tonight?" You beamed expecting your husband to crawl in by himself and maybe a few of his clones to come in but you were stunned by who instead walked in through the doorway. "Oh no. What happened?"

It wasn't your husband that waltzed in through the doorway. Uh..Well technically it WAS but it just wasn't the part of him that you were expecting to see tonight. A giant lumbering figure ducked down having to bend at the knees just to get in. The exact copy of your husband if your husband was taller than even a large man and if he was angry instead of scared all the time. The large scowling demon had to lean over even when he was inside because he was so tall. A much smaller figure walked in right behind him looking just as angry. He was young but only in appearance. You knew his looks were deceiving and the other looked so unusual because-

They were both clones. Extensions of your husband.

But these clones weren't really common. In fact you barely if ever saw them in the entire time you've been married to your husband. Resentment and Hatred weren't really two emotions that really bubbled to the surface too often.

"None of your business, Woman!"

You leaned back taken by surprise by the harsh tone from the larger man before the other looked at him with a harder scowl to his face.

"Shut your mouth, you overgrown mules ass!" He hissed back which made the other hiss back. "You will not utter a fucking sentence like that towards her again less I rip your tongue out through your throat!"

"Boys, don't fight." You gently lowered the cleaver until it laid upon the cutting board. Although you were secretly happy to know that you'd be defended by some part of your husband. "I only ask because usually it's not the two of you I see. Oh no. Did something bad happen?"

"Nothing we couldn't handle."

"Those dammed Haishira! That's what!" Urami threw up his hands almost hard enough to punch holes into your ceiling. "If Zohakutan had just done his dam job in the first place then I wouldn't have to be bothered with this!"

Zohakutan fully turned to him now snapping his scowl up! "I WAS THE ONE THAT KILLED THE DAMMED HAISHIRA !! All you've done was run away like a dog- No! A BITCH WITH YOUR TAIL BETWEEN YOUR LEGS YOU GIANT WALKING JACKASS!!"

"OH YOU FUCKING BRAT!! THAT'S LARGE TALK CONSIDERING YOU COULDN'T KILL HIM THE FIRST TIME!!"

You looked back and forth between the two as they shouted at one another. Now you know why they didn't come out too often. Sigh.

"I DID KILL HIM YOU WALKING SACK OF SHI-!!"

"SEKIDO AND THE OTHERS DIDN'T!!"

"IM NOT THEM!!"

"IT TAKES THE FOUR OF THEM TO MAKE YOU SO YOU STILL FAILED!!"

"THAT DOESN'T COUNT!!"

"YES IT DOES!!"

"NO IT DOESN'T!"

"BOYS!!" You're shout echoed throughout the home.

"WHAT!?""WHAT?!

Both of them snapped to your tired stare. A sigh left your mouth before your hand just grabbed the cleaver again and steadied the next chunk of meat.

"Why don't you both just come sit down for dinner? I have raw steak cutlets for you and rice for me." The cleaver made another loud THUNK sound as it collided with the wooden cutting block and slicing a thick chunk of beef in two.

Both instantly looked interested."Raw steak?"

You nodded. "I've been working all day slaving away to clean your house and make you dinner and all I get in return is the both of you arguing like children!" A scowl was thrown their way before you pointed the cleaver at them point, not in a threatening way but to just show a point of your current work. "Now BOTH of you shut up and go sit down before I rip Hantengu out of Urami's heart and feed him all of this instead!"

The two didn't say or do anything at this until they both shot each other the harshest scowls and walked into the kitchen making you sigh in relief. You thought you heard Urami mumble some kind of cursing under his breath but at least they stopped fighting..for now.

It was quite a handful having so many husbands.

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socra-time · 8 months ago

Text

Naruto Episode Comments, Ep. 41-50

Ep 41:

-puppetry has gotta be one of my favorite ninja techniques so far ngl

-also Kankuro gives me bitchy theater kid vibes ngl. We stan

-again, Sakura has a far more compelling relationship with Ino than she does with fuckass Sasuke

-��goddamnit do I ship Sakura and Ino

-the way Gai says Kakashi’s name is so funny to me, he’s like “kaKAshi”

Ep 42:

-I think it’s funny that Lee just drifted over to hang out with Kakashi and Naruto

-ngl Ino losing her hold on Sakura was COMPLETE bullshit, Ino absolutely should have won that match

-ngl I’m really annoyed by the results of this match

-but anyways Gai and Lee cheering for Tenten was wholesome. Team Gai supremacy

Ep 43:

-okay Temari’s voice isn’t as bad as I initially thought it was

-rip Tenten, I get that they have to set up the threat of the Sand Siblings but Tenten deserved a little more of a fair fight rather than just being fodder for Temari to take down

-but also holy shit Temari’s takedown was fucking brutal

-Lee I fucking love you

-I also kinda love Ino now

-Naruto istg you better not beat up Kiba’s dog

Ep 44:

-not the first time I’ve noticed them but I like Kiba’s fangs

-I don’t really like Kiba’s voice

-if I was Naruto I would have forfeited the match immediately, I’m not gonna fucking fight a puppy

-ah yes the greatest jutsu of all, Furry jutsu

-Naruto kinda wasted his shot by biting Kiba while disguised as Akamaru, he should have tried to do more damage and punch Kiba in the face or something

-I love how everyone was commenting on how Naruto’s jutsu usage was more impressive than they thought and meanwhile Neji’s just like “I can’t believe he bit his opponent”

-why isn’t everyone just taking food pills during this exam if they’re so useful

-Kiba honey I hate to break it to you but you are not, in fact, the main character of Naruto

-respectfully both Naruto and Kiba should never be Hokage, it should OBVIOUSLY be Lee

Ep 45:

-NOOOO AKAMARU BBY

-I’m not gonna lie I don’t really believe Naruto has the chakra control and intelligence at this point in the series to pull off the trick he does with the double transformation jutsu

-I find it both amusing and annoying that Kiba (and also Shikamaru and Choji) calls Naruto “kid”. Like y’all are the same age lmao

- yeah no same as Ino, Kiba kindaaaa should have won. I’m more okay with this outcome than the Ino-Sakura result because Naruto’s the MC so he’s obviously going to win, but that fart was utter bullshit

-also I get that Kiba probably would have wrecked the clones with his human drill shit but why didn’t Naruto just try spamming shadow clones from the beginning

Ep 46:

-Team 8’s dynamic intrigues me. I want to see more of them

-why was ANYONE surprised that Hinata and Neji are related. Like were their eyes not a dead fucking giveaway???

-Kurenai is so mother

-anyways fuck Hinata’s dad

-between this match and the Sakura-Ino match, why did no one tell Naruto to not interrupt the matches

-okay so this confirms that Team 8 is the Konoha team that I would LEAST want to fight, purely because my options are (a) getting my chakra devoured by a swarm of bugs, (b) getting mauled by the human equivalent of Drill Run, or (c) suffering organ failure. Yeah no I’d rather get punched or stabbed by the other teams, thank you very much

Ep 47:

-with his level of precision and the Byakugan, Neji should quit the whole ninja thing and go be a doctor

-oh Naruto you sweet oblivious child

-I am absolutely not sold on Naruto and Hinata as a ship yet btw

-ngl if I was the proctor I would have yelled at Naruto to shut up and stop interrupting the matches

-Lee and Gai continue to be the best duo in this entire fucking show

Ep 48:

-I’ve heard that Gaara vs Lee is amazing, so I’m going in with high expectations

-Gaara is so fucking small next to his siblings

-Lee is so goddamn cute. I love my son

-you know you’re terrifying when SHINO is afraid of you

-Lee is so happy that he gets to go apeshit lmao

-the moment when the leg weights drop was amazing

-also it’s the first time we see Gaara look surprised and off-guard, which really hammers home just how insane Lee is

-I’ve seen it before but the effect of Gaara’s face cracking is so cool

-also it’s funny that Kankuro has fully just joined the Konoha peanut gallery for this match

Ep 49:

-welp Gaara’s gone completely off the rails

-Lee is officially my favorite character rn and it’s not even close

-if Lee can only do taijutsu, how did he pass the academy test and become a genin? I mean maybe it was a Naruto type of situation where other shit happened, but he wouldn’t have been able to pass the test normally, right?

-Leeeeee my silly badass son I love you so much. Peak character of all time

-again, the way Gai says “kaKAshi” cracks me up

-so like is Gai not gonna get in trouble with the ninja government for teaching Lee forbidden jutsus? Like Lee is very blatantly using the Primary Lotus and Hidden Lotus in a government-run exam and it’s pretty obvious who would have taught him those

Ep 50:

-holy shit Lee is fully just going Super Saiyan

-even Neji is shook by Lee lmao

-NOOOO LEE

-Gai stepping in and the background music and noises cutting out was such a good moment

-Gai is legit Lee’s dad and I’m so here for it

-Lee has Naruto solidly beaten for the title of “most tenacious motherfucker in the show”

-that moment with Gai hugging Lee’s unconscious body was so good, my heartttttt 😭

-the medic telling Gai that Lee will never fight again would be much more heartbreaking if I didn’t know that he’s literally fine later on

-the strings instrumental that plays after Lee’s defeat is so good

#naruto #socra’s naruto liveblog

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sulumuns-dootah · 1 year ago

Text

NSFW Alphabet - Beelzebub

⟡ Masterlist ⟡

‎‧₊˚✧ 18+ Minors Do Not Interact‎ ✧˚₊‧

༺☆༻

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

None, unless you're someone very special to him. Beel's the type to nut and bolt. Though, if by some miracle you manage to dominate him, expect him to demand every type of aftercare under the sun.

༺☆༻

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On him it's thighs in cannon. I also imagine he loves his piercings, more specifically the tongue one. On a partner, I'd say piercings too as well as their armpits and tits(or ass – whichever you have more of).

༺☆༻

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

His shit tastes * good *. Also definitely has some aphrodisiac effects. I HC it looks like an icing and this bastard loves to offer you some pastry with his “icing” on top without telling you it's not actually the normal kind of icing.

༺☆༻

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Not really a secret, more like something you'd expect him to do, and he actually does it, but doesn't have the need to mention it: He fucks with his clones/doubles. He's hot and they're hot, so why not? Just don't ask me how they work out who's gonna be on top.

༺☆༻

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He's the most experienced out of all the kings. Even more than Asmodeus. There's only so many ways you can relax while being on the run from your kingly duties.

༺☆༻

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He loves to eat and be eaten so it's 69 for sure. Also I can imagine him loving having you bent over the counter while he's cooking.

༺☆༻

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? Etc.)

More cocky than goofy, but definitely would crack a few jokes if he's not that desperate to cum. If he's teasing you, he'll definitely be sporting his signature smirk.

༺☆༻

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? Etc.)

This man doesn't grow hair unless he wants to so he's as hairless down there as he wants. If he did however want some hair, I imagine it would be a bit darker than his hair.

༺☆༻

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Mostly cocky unless you've teased him for a bit too long, then he'll start degrading you. On the other hand, if you get him to sub, he'll be praising you like there's no tomorrow

༺☆༻

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Who needs to jack off when you're the most attractive demon in all Hell? There's always a time and a place for a quickie with this demon. Beel doesn't jack off, unless you count fucking your clone as masturbation.

༺☆༻

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Aside from the obvious cannon one, I feel like he would be into cum eating and aphrodisiacs. Beel's also someone who might get into love cannibalism. Plus, I kinda hate to say it, but he is into feeding.(No hate if you're into that yourself, just not my thing)

༺☆༻

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere and anytime. Let's be honest, this lovable bastard is a walking aphrodisiac and when he's horny, he doesn't care.

༺☆༻

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

When you smell nice, obviously, or if you cook something that smells good. Also, he's probably into seeing you workout since you're sweating.

༺☆༻

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Put you in a harms way. Sure, you two can play rough, but only as long as Beel is still in controll. The last thign he want to happen is getting you seriously injured.

༺☆༻

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

This man doesn't care. With him it's 24/7 open buffet with the option to eat or be eaten.

༺☆༻

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? Etc.)

For him there's two modes: rough and fast, when he's really horny, and slow and teasing, for when you're the needy one.

༺☆༻

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Being on the go, it's almost a requirement. Staying too long in one place is a risk for being attacked or worse – cought by Bael and dragged back to Abyssos. So most of his encounters are short, rough and to the point.

༺☆༻

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? Etc.)

Only those that he can control, like I already mentioned. It's also important to remind him of your limits though. Just because something is in his eyes low risk, doesn't mean it's the same for humans.

༺☆༻

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

This juicy ass packs a lot of stamina from all that running around he does. How long he lasts entirely depends on how long he wants to. If he's in a teasing mood, he can go for hours without actually finishing either one of you off while still maintaining the same speed.

༺☆༻

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

If you introduce them, he'll be down. He himself doesn't do toys though. All he needs are his hands, tongue, horn and clones. Actually, you could technically count the clones(?)

༺☆༻

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

This bitch is a tease and a half. Bully him a bit too much and rest assured, you'll be woken up in the middle of the night by him eating you out and don't expect to have him be merciful on you.

༺☆༻

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Ooh the way this man talks. Someone call Astaroth that he's not the one with the hot voice. If you have the Attacker card and have been to secret club with him, you know what I mean. I do have a tiny little clip actually posted here (watch out for the Trixie Mattel jumpscare)

༺☆༻

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He's slept with Bael few times when they were young. Afterall Bael is supposed to realistically portray Beel or no? Why not teach him hot to fuck like Beel too?

༺☆༻

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

If you have the Erolabs version, there is an option in secret club to take a look, but I kinda disagree with it. Our chaotic piercing king has a frenum ladder at least and you can't convince me otherwise. The 666 tattoo is nice, but Beel strikes me more as a piercing freak than tattoos.

༺☆༻

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

This man literally tried to fuck us while dying. This man is ready to go anytime. Someone call Asmo, because Beel has him beat in all fronts.

༺☆༻

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

No time to sleep for this one. Gotta go fast before someone catches up to him. If you're lucky he'll stay with you until you fall asleep, but he's gotta go and maybe see you some other time.

#what in hell is bad #what in “hell” is bad?#whb beelzebub #whb smut

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pencildragons · 1 year ago

Text

1 like and i'll explain my entire gar restructure headcanon (part 1)

THANKS TESSA ILYYYYYYY

okay so as i'm sure you've seen everyone and their mother in this fandom say, 1.2 million soldiers for an INTERGALACTIC WAR is nowhere near enough. i mean, look at the top ten largest armies in the world this year.

by canon explanation, the GAR is smaller than the standing army of a country with 23 million people living in it. you know how many people live on coruscant? three trillion (and that number should be way way way higher to match the population density we're shown, but let's not get into that.) so, because that is stupid, i've gone the route of what someone suggested on wookiepedia one time: that a unit refers to a standard group of soldiers.

It is also possible that Lama Su did not intend the term "unit" to refer to an individual soldier. If a "unit" referred to a battalion of 576 troopers (as Lama Su spoke of later in Obi-Wan's visit), then 200,000 of these would render 115,200,000 clones and the 1,000,000 others spoken of as 576,000,000. This grand total of 691,200,000 would be far more suitable for the core of a galactic army. A "unit" being a 2,304-clone regiment, the largest military division classified as a unit instead of a formation, would amount to 2,764,800,000 clones. Furthermore, if a "unit" refers to a legion, the closest formation in size to a real-life British division of 15,000 men, the 1,200,000 units would have more than 18,000,000,000 clones, a truly "grand" army, suitable for defeating the huge numbers of droids under the Confederacy.

this scared me, because 18 billion people created purely for the purpose of serving in an army kind of broke my brain, so i settled for a nice round 1 billion, which is tbh way too low, so i Will also include the numbers for an army of 18 billion.

Structure of systems army if GAR = 1 billion (numbers, units, and clone+jedi officers) (if you use these in your fic or art, please credit my tumblr)

at this point i cant remember what is and isn't canon, because i created this two years ago. however, i'm pretty sure i invented most of it using vaguely equivalent military terms, because canon is Stupid.

Squad: 15 soldiers corporal

Patrol: 75 soldiers (5 squads) sergeant (5 corporals, 1 sergeant)

Echelon: 375 soldiers (5 patrols) sergeant-major (25 corporals, 5 sergeants, 1 sergeant-major)

Platoon: 5 625 soldiers (15 echelons) lieutenant (375 corporals, 25 sergeants, 15 sergeant-majors, 1 lieutenant)

Company: 28 125 soldiers (5 platoons) captain (also a rank awarded to high ranking medics/chief medical officers) (1 875 corporals, 125 sergeants, 75 sergeant-majors, 5 lieutenants, 1 captain)

Battalion: 84 375 soldiers (3 companies) major (5 625 corporals, 375 sergeants, 225 sergeant-majors, 15 lieutenants, 3 captains, 1 major)

Regiment: 337 500 soldiers (4 battalions) colonel (end of promotion that CTs can reach, beginning of CC ranks) (22 500 corporals, 1 500 sergeants, 900 sergeant majors, 60 lieutenants, 12 captains, 4 majors, 1 colonel) Rank 1 general (Knights)

Legion (this is what i headcanon most of the 'battalions' in tcw to be, e.g., 501st, 212th): 1 350 000 soldiers (4 regiments) clone commander AND/OR jedi commander (Padawans, e.g., Ahsoka) (90 000 corporals, 6000 sergeants, 3600 sergeant-majors, 240 lieutenants, 48 captains, 16 majors, 4 colonels) Rank-2 general (Knights or Knights with Padawans, e.g., Anakin) (4 Rank-1 Generals, 1 Rank-2 General)

Corps: 5 400 000 soldiers (4 legions) Brigadier commander (e.g., Bly [in my hc]) (360 000 corporals, 24 000 sergeants, 14 400 sergeant-majors, 840 lieutenants, 192 captains, 64 majors, 16 colonels, 4 commanders, 1 brigadier commander) Rank-3 general* (very militaristically-competent Knights (e.g., Aayla Secura) on the verge of Mastery and militaristically-competent Masters) (16 Rank-1 generals, 4 Rank-2 generals, 1 Rank-3 general)

Sector army: 43 200 000 soldiers (8 corps) Senior commander (e.g., Gree) (2 880 000 corporals, 1 920 000 sergeants, 115 200 sergeant-majors, 6 720 lieutenants, 1 536 captains, 512 majors, 128 colonels, 64 commanders, 8 brigadier commanders, 1 senior commander) Senior general* (very experienced + competent Masters, e.g., Luminara Unduli) (128 Rank-1 Generals, 32 Rank-2 Generals, 8 Rank-3 Generals, 1 Senior general)

Systems army: 86 400 000 soldiers (2 sector armies) Marshal commander (e.g., Cody) (5 760 000 corporals, 3 840 000 sergeants, 230 400 sergeant-majors, 13 440 lieutenants, 3 072 captains, 1 024 majors, 256 colonels, 128 commanders, 16 brigadier commanders, 2 senior commanders, 1 marshal commander) High general (all members of the High Council/Council of 12, e.g., Obi-Wan, Mace, Yoda, Adi Gallia, etc) (356 Rank-1 Generals, 64 Rank-2 generals, 16 Rank-3 generals, 2 senior generals, 1 high general)

GAR: 1 036 800 000 soldiers (12 system armies) 69 120 000 corporals, 46 080 000 sergeants, 2 764 800 sm, 161 280 lt, 36 888 cpt, 12 288 maj, 3 072 colonels, 1 536 commanders, 192 brigadier commanders, 24 senior commanders, 12 marshal commanders) 4 272 Rank-1 Generals, 768 Rank-2 Generals, 192 Rank-3 Generals, 24 Senior Generals, 12 High Generals (total of 5 268 Jedi, not counting all those who act in Combat Service Support Roles)

up next in this series: GAR figures if there were 18 billion clone soldiers, and then after that ranks + branches. reblogs very much appreciated!!!!!!

*note: if a Jedi more superior than a Rank-1 General has a Padawan (e.g., Senior General/Master Luminara Unduli w/ Padawan-Commander Barriss Offee), then the Senior General will also be given direct personal command of a Legion, and will also operate as a Rank-1 General or, in most circumstances, share capacity with a Rank-1 General. i headcanon that because of this in the war, Padawans with two masters (their actual Master if this is more superior than a Rank-1 general, and their Rank-1 General master who they by necessity spend a lot of time with) become VERY common

#sw meta #star wars #star wars meta #star wars headcanon #GAR #grand army of the republic #the clone wars #tcw #obi-wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #adi gallia #mace windu #yoda #commander gree #commander bly #ahsoka tano #prequel trilogy #words of wyrm #long post

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