#c. adam smith

[ancmalous]

open to: f / femme nb, 21+ muse: adam smith. 24. he/him. heterosexual. mechanical engineering student. (revamp muse) connection/plot: adam and your muse (or her/their friend) live in a house share near college. he's only really around for house parties, but otherwise sticks to himself. his usual company includes random people walking in with broken electronics for him to fix (his side hustle). just so happens today your muse's phone is busted.

adam  barely  moved  an  inch  once  the  knock  echoed  off  his  door.  he  knew  her  by  her  step,  even  if  that  step  usually  walked  right  past  him.  "what  you  want?"  his  brows  rose  at  the  frame  near  barely-opened  door,  his  words  not  rude  just...tired,  high.  he'd  gestured  for  her  to  come  in,  offered  what  was  left  of  his  joint  as  his  focus  shifted  on  the  messed  up  phone.  "i'm  guessin'  you  already  tried  the  church  but  they  were  all  out  of  miracles?"  he  could  fix  it.  maybe.  good  way  to  finally  get  his  number  in  there  too.  "how'd  you  fuck  it  up  anyway?"

[ancmalous]

"why  you  so  tough  on  me  man?"  it  would  have  been  funny,  except  imani  had  free  reign  over  judging  his  love  life  and  poor  decisions,  whereas  he  had  to  fear  decapitation  offering  even  a  speck  of  opinion  in  return.  adam  didn't  really  know  what  to  say,  he  was  nowhere  near  high  enough  to  be  getting  into  all  the  many  reasons  him  and  vee  were  a  bad  fucking  idea.  "i  wasn't."  but  he  was,  wondering  that  is,  and  it  felt  good  to  know.  so  good  he  could  hardly  contain  a  smirk  that  suddenly  fought  its  way  into  his  expression.  "i  ain't  askin'  her  out  'cause  she's  got  a  life  and  shit.  she's...out  there,  changing  the  world  or  whatever  and  i'm  just...shit,  i'm  just  some  dude  y'know?"  that  was  part  of  it,  maybe,  part  he  was  willing  to  share  anyway.  willing  to  accept.  "i  got  midterms  coming  up,  three  jobs...i'm  fuckin'  tired  as  fuck,  i  ain't  got  the  time  for  all  this  extra  foolin'  'round."  frankly  it  was  beyond  him  anyone  had  time  for  relationships.  best  he  could  do  was  a  quickie  and  a  sweet  lie. what  came  next  was  a  tsunami  of  information  he  was  not  entirely  ready  for.  so  he  took  another  toke  off  his  joint,  punched  at  the  tip  of  his  nose  before  looking  back  her  way.  "damn,  imma  need  a  second."  he  said,  taking  in  a  quiet  breath,  smoking  some  more.  "so  he  talks  up  other  girls,  but  's  cool  'cause  facebook  says  he's  got  a  girl?  no,  that's  --  that's  fine  an'  all  except,  ain't  nobody  below  fifty  on  facebook  no  more."  with  that  out  of  the  way,  he  had  to  address  the  more  pressing  matter.  "happy  people  don't  got  thoughts  'bout  other  people  'mani,  shit..."  this  man  had  her  fucked  up.  "not  like  that."  he  rubbed  the  back  of  his  neck,  nervously  again.  "crush  down  the  hall?"

"adam, cut the shit!" imani picked up on everything, and not because she wanted to. her friend group was ALL over the place at the moment ⸻ especially vee. imani was on her way out to meet up with vonte and kel to discuss ideas the upcoming rally when she noticed the way vee and adam were staring at each other to the point where her presence wasn't noticeable... and she was used to doing that to her friends when it came to bryson, but clearly that wasn't the case here. "why don't you just ask her out already? i mean she's single, in case you were wondering." she knew vee would cuss her out for sharing that intel with him, but something had to give and layla wasn't around to play matchmaker. "you know, i often ask myself why you'd want to live with a bunch of girls, other than the fact that you're trying to save on rent, but now it all makes sense."

when the ball was back in her court, she was blank-faced, trying to play off the fact that maybe she sometimes wondered what her life would be like had she finally let the dead weight ( aka bryson ) go. she was in fact being kept by minimal effort, because she dropped everything for him when he called or showed up, which is something her own parents would've given her a lecture about, or forced to her to transfer because. "sure, he has other girls he talks to in the locker room, but his facebook profile clearly says taken." it says taken but it doesn't specify who he's referring to as the S/O in his life. "i have a crush down the hall, but i never act on 'em because i'm faithful to my man... you and vee could clearly act on whatever this unspoken thing is between y'all, but you're being a pussy lil' bitch, sorry not sorry... look, me having thoughts about cheating on bryson is nowhere as good as you and vee finally hooking up, or at least going on a date." did she just confess that she had thoughts about cheating on him? so much for being loyal. circling back to the angela davis comment. "forget i said anything about that... and yes, i did just compare myself... is that a problem?"

[letthefairyinyoufly]

“You're reading me.” [002]

[hellkitepriest]

divorce — scratch your metal

[ruleof3bobby]

HUSTLE (2022) Grade: C-

Nothing special at all. Char's we've seen before. Predictable. No good basketball scenes. Lame.

[sheilajsn]

Series, Series, Series - 2025 update

Si ustedes llevan algún tiempo en Nuestro Rincón de Lectura, ya deben saber que yo tengo un problema empezando a leer series que luego se quedan sin terminar. Hace algunos año, después de darme cuenta de que tenía una cantidad absurda de series empezadas, yo empecé un proyecto de terminar series que había tenido olvidadas, algunas por años. Y, poco a poco, me he dado a la tarea de terminar esas…

[davidbrussat]

Newport Cottages: 1835-1890

Cover illustration of Cannon Hill (ca. 1850), on the west side of Bellevue Avenue, built by a family from Boston. Photo by Aaron Usher III. This excellent volume is the second describing the splendid dwellings of the summer colony of the City by the Sea, by architectural historian Michael C. Kathrens. It is subtitled “1835-1885: The Summer Villas Before the Vanderbilt Era.” His first volume…

[denimbex1986]

'The Snapshot: In Netflix’s Ripley, Andrew Scott is Thomas Ripley, a sociopathic grifter living in New York in the early 1960s who is hired by a wealthy man to travel to Rome and bring the man’s son home to America. This begins a journey of deceit, fraud and murder.

(The limited series premiered April 4 on Netflix, and all episodes are now streaming)

The Performance: Criminals are fun to play. They’re inherently bad, and being bad is fun. That’s why some actors revel in playing villains because they get to take these bad characters — bad as in lacking moral fortitude, not in substance — and make them somehow sympathetic. The best villains, after all, believe that they’re right. Take the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s Thanos. He was a genocidal maniac, but in his heart, he only wanted peace. Mass murder and the deaths of quadrillions of living beings were just a necessary side effect.

Thomas Ripley, however, has no such lofty ambitions, he’s just a low-level con man out for himself, preferably with as little effort as possible. The hero, or rather anti-hero, of a series of famous novels by Patricia Highsmith, Ripley has been adapted before, most memorably by Anthony Minghella in the 1999 film The Talented Mr. Ripley. In that version, Matt Damon played the role to moderate acclaim. The issue was that he was overshadowed by the man playing the ill-fated Dickie Greenleaf, Jude Law, who scored an Oscar nomination for his efforts.

There’s no chance of that happening this time around.

In the latest screen version, Netflix has given us an eight-episode limited series from writer-director Steven Zaillian, who won an Oscar for writing Schindler’s List. The title role is played by Irish thespian Andrew Scott, who just about explodes off the screen in a remarkable turn that is alternately seductive and menacing, and so powerful that, no matter who else is in the frame, you can’t take your eyes off him.

The mistake a lot of actors make when playing a sociopath is to tip their hand too early. Giving clues as to their intentions and inherent evil. Scott avoids this by keeping a very cool veneer, even as he’s plotting how he’s going to get where and what he needs. There’s no wink at the audience, no self-conscious smirk to clue us into what he’s got going on. Instead, he gives us a man who appears to be the essence of calm. He is serene. He is a glassy pond at sunrise, without the slightest ripple, until he is ready.

That moment comes at the end of the first episode, when he finally shows us some semblance of his true self, in a chilling moment that sets up the rest of the story. No spoilers here, but suffice it to say, it’s much more menacing than seductive, although there is plenty of the latter in store.

Scott is a brilliant actor who has played his share of villains, but what makes his Ripley so much more interesting than, say, Damon’s, is how relatable he makes the criminal feel. There’s a quiet desperation to him at the story’s beginnings, but not an overwhelming one. Scott acts so much with his eyes that we both empathize with him and wonder what’s going on behind them. They may be the windows to the soul, but Scott wields them instead as mirrors, and that paradoxically serves to draw us in further.

One doesn’t have to love villains to love particular villains. We can pick and choose, based on who the villain is or, even better, how that villain is portrayed. James Bond fans have their favorite versions of Blofeld, for instance, and Batman fans have their favorite Joker. Take some time to sit down with Andrew Scott. He’ll likely become your favorite Ripley.

The Career: Andrew Scott had already been a working actor for more than a decade when he showed up in the BBC’s monumental 2010 version of Sherlock, which made Benedict Cumberbatch an international star. He appeared in both Saving Private Ryan and Band of Brothers, for instance, and played Colonel William Smith in four episodes of HBO’s John Adams opposite Paul Giamatti. He was in lots of British TV shows and some short films, and he was someone who had something special.

It was his turn as the villainous Moriarty in those Sherlock episodes that took him to the next level. Suddenly, this was a guy who could play a sociopath with charm and wit, adding to the considerable deviousness and menace that would show up again in several nasty roles, of course, most recently Netflix’s Ripley. In the immediate aftermath of Sherlock came Daniel Craig’s fourth outing as James Bond, Spectre, in which Scott was the traitorous C, leader of the British domestic secret service and ally of Christoph Waltz’s Blofeld.

But of course, Scott is far more than that, which he proved in the 2019 second season of Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s seminal Amazon series Fleabag, in which he showed up as a Catholic priest who falls in love with Waller-Bridge’s title character. Scott’s priest was sexy and charming and romantic and made it clear that there was more to this actor than just villains. That was hammered home yet again in 2023, with his leading turn in All of Us Strangers, as a screenwriter who gets a mysterious new way to heal from losing his parents 30 years before. Scott is heartbreaking in the movie, offering a hopeful sadness that is somehow never off-putting. On the contrary, it only serves to make the audience feel for him even more.

The point is, you can’t pin down Andrew Scott. He’s as versatile as they come, and now we get eight episodes of seeing that versatility in action. It’s not just Mister Ripley who’s talented.'

[nicknotes2]

Anthony Lorca by Adrian C. Martin

Adam Smith's Adorable camouflage-print Trunks with a beige waistband are now back in stock. These striking boxers are perfect for everyday wear and any occasion! Check them out: https://menandunderwear.com/shop/underwear/adam-smith-adorable-trunks-camouflage

[naughtyneganjdm]

Love's Second Chance: A Holiday Reunion - Chapter 17

Summary: Negan gets a visit from Y/N after the fight he had with Joel and she has him make a very emotional promise to her. Joel opens up to his brother about something he kept locked away for many years.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Negan Smith, Tommy Miller, Lucille Smith, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60501985/chapters/157173025 Warnings: Swearing, Severe Angst, Smut, talks about someone wanting to hurt themselves, a character has memories about what it felt to experience both abuse and homophobia from their parent, mental trauma from a character, etc.

Notes: This chapter I just edited and finished at 430 in the morning. I'm trying to keep up with schedules, but I know I'm falling behind and I'm doing my best! This chapter has someone talking about their past and the homophobia they had to face when they were younger. Especially in terms of their family. It is emotional and it could trigger some if they have ever been in this situation. I just want to put it out there.

Overwhelmed would be an understatement for Negan right now. After everything that happened today, it was really hard to focus on one thing. Dropping his head back against the couch, Negan reached up to cover his eyes releasing a stressed exhale. He was trying to focus on anything other than the throbbing that he was feeling in his knee right now. After all the injuries that Negan had experienced from playing baseball, he knew what it felt like when he was severely injured. This was not that kind of pain, but it certainly did fucking hurt. And it hurt bad. But it was the kind of ache that he would get when he overworked his knee. Not so much the pain of a horrible injury.

To help with the pain, there was a bag of ice wrapped around his knee while he was laid stretched out on the couch. Even with his eyes closed it felt like the room was spinning around him. It was probably from a mixture of the pain along with the adrenaline that was fueling through him. There was a dull ache in his fists along with his face since he had gotten into a fight with Joel even though he tried so very hard to not let it happen.

Disappointment was flooding through his veins as well. For so long he did pretty well with handling Joel, but tonight Joel went too far and made him snap. And that was bad because Y/N was right. Joel was drunk and he had no filtering system. Fighting with Joel while he was drunk made no sense, but once Joel started spouting off about Lucille, he couldn’t contain himself.

A faint knocking drew him to drag his palms down over his face. Turning his head toward the door, Negan sighed loudly when there was a second knock alerting him that he wasn’t making up the sound in his head. Lifting his head up from the couch, Negan wondered if his knee could make the trip to the door or if it was even worth it. Forcing himself up, he pushed up onto his hands and it probably took him way too long to get up from the couch. Setting down the bag of ice, he limped over toward the door and reached for the handle. Bracing most of his weight on his good leg, Negan felt his heart sink when he opened the door to see Y/N standing before him.

“What were you thinking running off on me?” she blurt out with Negan shamefully lowering his head to avoid looking at her. Clinging to the doorknob, Negan swallowed down hard and felt a chill running through his veins. “You were hurt. I don’t even know how you got home without getting in an accident and hurting yourself further.”

“I was ashamed and figured you wouldn’t want to be around me,” Negan confessed, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. There was a lot that was said today and thrown out on the table for her to deal with, so he didn’t even know where to start with things. “There was a lot thrown at you and…”

“Do you not want me here?” she interrupted Negan having his sad hazel eyes connecting with hers. Slouching, Negan bit down on his bottom lip and could see that she was worried about him. “I can leave if you don’t want me.”

“You know that I want you here,” Negan claimed, his long eyelashes fluttering. Nodding toward the inside of his rental home she waited for Negan to step aside and allow her into the house. Closing the door behind her, Negan rubbed at the back of his neck with the incredible amount of tension that was building up inside of him.

“Why would you think I wouldn’t want to be around you?” she wondered, noticing the bag of ice that was sitting on the couch. Turning on her heel, she looked to Negan expectantly wanting some kind of answer from him but he was at a loss of words.  

“There are plenty of reasons,” he stated, taking a few steps closer to her limping as he did it. “I should have never attacked Joel. I tried so hard to keep it together, but I didn’t. He was drunk and he didn’t have a filtering system. It was wrong for me to attack him. And Joel isn’t wrong Y/N. I’m a horrible person. I did terrible things…”

“I’m surprised you held it together as long as you did,” she suggested, stepping forward to reach for Negan’s hands. Holding them, she felt them trembling with her caressing over the backs of them with her thumbs. Right now the number one thing he was feeling was shocked. Especially since her caress was so kind and gentle. More than anything he thought she would be mad at him. “And I don’t care.”

“You don’t care?” he stammered, confusion flooding his features. He wasn’t too entirely sure what she was pertaining to when she said that.

“I don’t care what you used to be,” she whispered, closing the distance between the two of them. Palming in over the side of Negan’s face had him letting out a tremoring breath, his eyes coming to a slow close. Leaning into the warmth of her touch, Negan’s bottom lip was slightly trembling while she comforted him. “I don’t care what you used to be like. All I care about is who you are now. How you treat me, how you treat my children.”

“I’m not good enough for you. I know he’s right about that,” Negan confessed, his eyes still closed with him cuddling his face in against the warmth of her palm. “I realized too late the mistakes I was making in life. I should have been a good husband the whole time, but I let things get to me. I wasn’t a good man for a very long time.”

“I don’t doubt that you loved your wife. I see it in the way you talk about her,” she hushed him, lifting her other hand to cup his face in her hands tenderly. By the time he opened his eyes, she could see that tears were burning at them. “One thing you’ve never been able to do is lie to me Negan Smith. I can see right through you and when you talk about her, I see pure love. I can see the pain in your eyes when you talk about her. I know how you took off time from work to take care of her. You still wear your wedding rings on your body Negan. You fucked up, you did. But I don’t think for a second that you didn’t love her.”

A sob fell from Negan’s lips and she urged him to lower down so she could press a lingering kiss over his forehead, “I don’t doubt that by the end of her life, Lucille knew how sorry you were. She knew how much you loved her and how much she loved you.”

Leading him over toward the couch, she got him to sit down and then lowered in beside him. Sweeping her fingers over his jawline, she allowed him to rest his head against her shoulder. Brushing her fingers through Negan’s thick hair, she hushed him when he started to cry.

“It’s okay,” she comforted him, wrapping him up in her arms allowing him a moment to go through that pain that had been pent up inside of him for so long. “I know that you miss Lucille and I can’t imagine what it’s like losing someone you love that much the way that you did. But please. Promise me that no matter what happens in the future…don’t hurt yourself. Keep fighting for me…for Lucille…”

Lifting his head from her shoulder, Negan’s reddened over eyes looked miserable. Placing another kiss over his forehead, she let it linger before frowning, “I need you here. I want you in my life. So no matter what, if things ever get hard or you need to find strength, please call me. Talk to me. Open up to me. Because a universe without Negan Smith is not somewhere I want to be.”

“Yes ma’am,” Negan muttered with a firm nod, his chest aching with an incredible amount of guilt that he was feeling. Only a handful of people had known about him trying to kill himself in the past, but never having the strength to do it. Now Y/N and Joel were added to that list.

“Promise me,” she pled with him, her own eyes tearing over with the thought of what Negan admitted to both her and Joel. Hell, she knew Negan was depressed and upset about losing Lucille, but she never pictured that Negan was the kind of person that would try to kill himself. Especially since Negan seemed like the type to be high on life, never wanting to lose a moment. “Promise me that you will never try to kill yourself again. Because that would break me. It would break my heart forever and I would never forgive you for it. Because I love you. Do you understand me?”

Nodding his head, Negan had a hard time forming words, but she forced him to look at her and he released a broken breath.

“I promise,” Negan exhaled, his body trembling with her sweeping his tears away. With how emotional she was getting over all of this, it broke his heart to see. But with how emotional she was about it, he knew that she genuinely cared for him. “I know I shouldn’t be crying. I shouldn’t be having a breakdown…”

“I’d be worried about you if you weren’t,” she declared, sliding in closer to him to caress over the length of his back toward his shoulders. “You’re broken. You loved someone so deeply and you lost them. You have to talk about it. You have to feel…”

“Joel talks about how he missed out on so much, but he’s wrong. Stardom only made me worse,” Negan insisted, his fingers reaching up to curl around her wrist to caress over her pulse point with his thumb. “I would have given anything to have the life that he had with you and the children. We tried so hard to have children and we were always fighting about it. What he mentioned with me not being able to have children, it might be true. I might be broken completely…I was never brave enough to find out. She wanted me to, but…” 

“If you can’t, there is nothing wrong with that Negan,” she insisted with her eyebrows furrowing and her head shaking slowly. Even the idea that Negan could possibly not be capable of having children was tearing him apart. But it wasn’t something that she thought he should be focusing on since there was already so much on his mind about things. “That doesn’t make you broken. And for all you know there is nothing wrong with you. Lucille was sick. And you don’t know for how long. It could have been a combination of things.”

“You shouldn’t be being nice or empathetic to my situation,” Negan suggested with a firm shake of his head, his jaw flexing with discomfort. After what Joel broke to her, he figured that she would never want to speak or talk to him again. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Don’t you think you’ve punished yourself enough?” she inquired with Negan’s expression growing sadder. When something like suicide was a topic of discussion, it wasn’t something you should blow off and with how emotional Negan was, she was happy that she came to him tonight. “Lucille asked you to live life for her and you promised that you would. Do you think she wanted you to continue to hurt yourself over the things you did wrong?”

“No,” Negan answered honestly, his bottom lip trembling further while she stroked over his face. There were a lot of discussions that the two of them had about the subject. Lucille was always angry with him for being so emotional. Begging him to promise to continue on with his life. To make something with the time he had left. Because she couldn’t. So if someone could, she wanted Negan to. Especially since she loved him.

“Then don’t do it,” she was doing her best to pull him from what it was that actually broke Negan tonight. “Focus on the good times you had. The moments you got to share together before she passed away. Because those are the moments that mattered. I know it hurts. More than anything you want to hug her, touch her and tell her that you love her, but she hears you Negan. Talk to her. Because she is and will always be with you.”

Placing her hand in over the center of his chest had his cries growing harder. Shakily his hand covered hers and squeezed it tightly in his grasp, “It’s so hard because we can’t hold them anymore, but they never really leave us. They are always there. She’s part of you and she always will be.”

Slouching forward, Negan’s forehead rest against hers with her stroking over the back of his neck, over his scalp and through his hair in a soothing manner, “You see so much darkness in yourself Negan and I see so much potential. So much love.”

“You always saw the best in me when no one else did,” Negan reminded her, palming his hands up and over her arms. “I think the other people were right about me. You just saw hints of something that weren’t really there.”

“No, I don’t believe that,” she whispered, refusing to allow him to sink into the thought that he was a terrible person. “Yeah, you’re a smart ass and you probably deserve to get punched sometimes, but everyone does. I’ve seen the things you do for the people you care about. You have a big heart when you allow yourself to show it. I’ve seen it many times since you came back to town. It’s there. And it shines bright.”

“I don’t know what I would have done if we didn’t run into each other again,” Negan admitted, swallowing down, turning in to press a loving kiss against the center of her palm. “I love you, so fucking much.”

“And I love you,” she whispered, enjoying the warmth of him before her. It ate away at her hearing Negan break down like he had when they were all together. Those words continued to play in her head like a broken record. The idea of Negan killing himself was a horrible nightmare for her. One she never wanted to face. “I always have and I always will.”

“I’m so sorry I let what Joel did break us apart,” Negan stammered, his breathing uneven with her tenderly caressing at the side of his neck and over his face. “I knew you had a crush on him. I should have understood. I was just so young and selfish. “

“I think you’re defining me right now,” she rolled her eyes at the idea that he was the bad one in the situation. There were a lot of things that she could say about Negan, but in the past he was the biggest victim in this whole situation. “The only person that wasn’t in the wrong in that situation was you. I wish you would have told me what was going on with Joel, but…”

“But you loved him so much,” Negan spoke up before she could finish her sentence getting her to look at him fully. “If you thought there was any question about the purity of your relationship, I knew it would break your heart. That’s why I never told you. You would question everything. And you shouldn’t have. Because he looked at you with so much love whenever I saw the two of you after that night. It’s why I never did anything. It may have broken me, but it made two people that I cared about happy. Two people that deserved happiness very much. I don’t question that Joel loved you.”

“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” she admitted in terms of Joel and the things that he told her. “I feel like there is so much that I don’t know about Joel. Things that he was never honest with me about. Unlike you, I can’t tell when he’s being honest or lying to me.”

“I think Joel deserves the same opportunity that I do,” Negan explained with a loud swallow. Something in her eyes showed that she didn’t understand. “You forgave me for my past. You mention the man that I am now…Joel is right I was a worse husband than he ever was. I’m just innocent when it comes to you because I wasn’t the one that hurt you. If you can get over that part of me, you should realize that he can be different too.”

“The man devastates you and gets you angry enough to start a physical fight with him, yet you’re still defending him,” she noted, surprised that Negan would go to bat for Joel even after everything that happened. Then again, that was something that Negan seemed to be doing longer than she ever even realized.

“Because he’s broken,” Negan replied with a frown. Hearing that took her breath away. “He’s at the stage I was when I first lost Lucille. He’s hitting all the stages at once. Regret. Pain. Anger. Disbelief. Fury. Rage. They are eating away at him and he’s just lost it because he loves you, but he doesn’t know how to show it. I’m not lying to you when I tell you that I think Joel regrets everything that he did. I think if he could go back in time and stop it from happening, he would. I don’t want to lead you on and make you believe that he’s this terrible piece of shit. Because he’s not. He did shitty things, but I do fucking believe that he loves you. And that he’s a good man. Just a man that had a lot of bad shit happen in his life, so he’s bad with his feelings and his emotions.”

With a deep inhale, Negan looked down and shook his head, “I know you love him too. I can see it in the way that the two of you look at one another. And if you want to be with Joel, I don’t want to hold you back. I feel like you are experiencing guilt because you don’t want to let me down, but I love you. So fucking much that if Joel makes you happy, if Joel is where you feel whole—I love you enough to let you go.”

“I don’t want you to let me go,” she was quick to respond, hushing him when she brought him in closer to her. “I can’t lose you from my life again Negan. You have brought back a joy that I never thought would be there again. You awakened that thing inside of me that I thought was long gone. Whether we’re together or not, I need you.”

“And I need you,” Negan agreed with her nuzzling his nose in against hers in a tender moment. Cherishing the warmth of her near, Negan still felt an ache at the center of his chest. “But I don’t want Joel suffering either.”

“Nor do I,” she acknowledged knowing that there was so much love in her heart for her ex-husband still. That wasn’t something that she could hide. Joel still held part of her heart in his hand and that would never leave her. “But if making Joel feel better is kicking you out of my life, I can’t do that. I’m probably not a good person and I acknowledge that because I love the both of you. Very much.”

Meeting her stare, Negan exhaled loudly with her getting up from the couch. Turning when she applied pressure at his shoulders, Negan sat the right way on the couch. Sighing, he bit down on his bottom lip when she caressed in over the center of his chest to get him to relax. Lowering down to her knees before him, she started to caress over Negan’s hurt leg eliciting a pained sound to fall from him. Grabbing the bag of ice, she placed it over his knee with one hand while the other continued to caress over his thigh.

“I love Joel. Nothing will change that. I’m smart enough to admit that,” she confessed, her breathing growing louder with the way that Negan was looking at her behind heavy eyelids. “But I know how I feel about you. I love you so much. No one makes me feel the way that you do. Poor, happy, sad, rich…I don’t care. You mean so much to me and I can’t throw you out of my life.”

“Y/N,” he exhaled loudly with her getting up further on her knees. Setting the ice aside, she started to undo his belt. Unhooking it and pulling it apart had Negan’s breathing growing more uneven. With her fingers undoing his pants and opening them, Negan lowered his hands and grabbed her wrists to stop her. “Don’t.”

“It’s okay,” she hushed him, urging his hands onto the couch beside him. Tugging at the material of his pants, she pulled the dark slacks from his body. Setting them aside, she took her time to caress over his thighs. It had him inhaling sharply when she lowered down over his knees to sweep over them and down to his calves. Slightly turning toward his hurt leg, she started massaging at his flesh. When her fingers swept over the scars that were over his knee area, she lowered forward to press loving kisses over his flesh. “You are so beautiful. Inside and out.”

Caressing his fingers over the back of her neck, Negan grasped at her hair and let out a pleased sound with her touching him. For a while she gave his leg a massage, working to get him to relax with it aching. Truthfully? She was one of the only people that he would trust near his leg like that.

Placing a final kiss over his knee had chills running down his spine. Getting up carefully from the ground, she took her jacket off as she kicked out of her boots. There was something that he should have said, but he couldn’t form words when she took her time to pull her sweater from her body. Once she had the material at her side, she dropped it next to where she had set his pants down.

Adjusting his positioning on the couch, Negan’s lips parted and he was ready to tell her that she didn’t need to do this. But as she started to shimmy out of her pants, it had a lump growing at the center of his throat. Almost immediately, he became breathless. His heart hammered in his chest with her reaching around herself to unhook her bra allowing the material to fall. The first sight of her bare breasts had him nervously licking his lips. Even though they had been together many times at this point, she still took his breath away. When she pushed her fingers into her panties to get them down her legs, he could feel his heart skip a beat.

Carefully lowering down to her knees over him had his hands settling in over her hips with his rough fingertips caressing over her flesh. Staring up at her in awe, Negan wondered if he truly deserved her at all.

“I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you,” she apologized bringing their lips together in a passionate, unhurried sweep. Caressing at the back of her thighs, Negan kissed her back. Chills were running up and down his spine.

“No, don’t,” Negan silenced her, his eyelids heavy with desire for the woman before him. “If anything, I should be the one that is sorry. Joel was right. I should have never abandoned you and your family. I should have been here all along helping you. I loved you so much and I let something like that ruin our relationship that we had our whole life.”

“This is one time you can’t take credit,” she whispered, sliding further in over his lap having Negan tip his head back to keep his eyes hooked with hers. “I let my crush on Joel persuade me to be a certain way and I wasn’t thinking.”

“You really do deserve better than me,” Negan admitted with a frown, his rough palms caressing up over her back toward her shoulders. “I’m a broken mess and I don’t deserve the love and support that you give me.”

“I think we’re all a little broken,” she thought aloud, her fingers caressing at Negan’s scalp with her left arm hooking loosely around Negan’s shoulders. “But there is no one that makes me feel better than you do. I think you realize the person you were and you’re trying your best to make things better. For everyone.”

“I think I’m fucking up Joel,” Negan countered with a firm shake of his head, letting out a sigh. Watching her hands palm down in over the center of his chest toward his abdomen, Negan bit down on his bottom lip when she reached the bottom of the black henley that he was wearing. Raising his arms, Negan allowed her to tug the material up his body and drop it on the floor with the rest of their clothing.

“You’ve been trying to help Joel,” she corrected him with a shake of her head, her fingers teasing through the dark curls of hair over Negan’s torso. “I see it. What you did at that bar, the way you handle him. I think you’ve done a really good job.”

“We fought tonight,” he reminded her, exhaling loudly with the way her lips hovered over his. “I could have done better.”

“Joel isn’t used to my heart not belonging one hundred percent to him,” she recognized, sliding her hands up over the sides of Negan’s neck toward his face to cup it lovingly in her palms. “You were the one that kept trying to keep the truth from me. You don’t have any ulterior motives. You care about me. You care about him. You treat our children good. I like the man that you became. I like the man that you are with me.”

“I want to be the best version of myself for you,” Negan announced, his voice growing raspier when he felt her reach for the material of his black boxer briefs. Lifting his hips up, he helped her work the material down his body. Wiggling his legs, he grunted with her pushing firmly at the material working to get it to his knees. Lowering back onto the couch, Negan kicked at the material getting it to his ankles. Allowing her back in over him, he cherished the warmth of her body wrapping him up in her arms. Nuzzling his nose at the side of her neck, Negan’s hand caressed over the lengths of her back with her peppering kisses at his freckle covered shoulders.

“You are,” she assured him, pressing a faint kiss over his ear having him suck in a sharp breath. “I have no doubts when I’m with you. I know how I feel when we’re together.”

Grabbing a hold of his right arm, she led his hand toward the center of her chest allowing him to place it over her heart. Stroking her fingers at the back of his hand, she could tell just by the way that he looked at her that everything he felt was pure.

“You make me happy. I haven’t been happy in a very long time,” she told him the truth, loving the way that his eyes stared out at her. Lifting his hand up, she pressed a loving kiss over the center of it. “When I’m with you, I feel a warmth…love…”

“But I’m putting you in a hard place because I know you love Joel,” Negan commented, his other hand reaching up to trace over her features. “If I wasn’t here to mess things up, you could have everything you wanted with Joel.”

“I’m not sure Joel would be acting the way that he is if you weren’t here,” she sighed loudly, stroking her fingers through Negan’s short beard that covered his face. “You weren’t here for four years with us being divorced. So in a way, I guess you bring out both the best and the worst of Joel. I could whine that I’m in a horrible position, but I have two men that I love very much in my life right now. People can only hope to have one.”

“But what if you decide that you want to be with the other man?” Negan inquired, sucking in a sharp breath when she dropped one of her hands to curl her fingers loosely around his manhood. Tracing over his shaft had Negan’s neck flexing with his lips parting. Fluttering his eyelashes, Negan kept his eyes hooked with hers while she caressed over his length.

“Who am I with right now?” she questioned, her lips hovering in over his. Breathing both loud and uneven, Negan pressed in closer to kiss her but she kept him from kissing her. Smirking, her eyebrow arched and she was waiting for an answer. “Where am I?”

“With me,” Negan responded, dragging his bottom lip in over hers humming out with the sensations she was drawing out from inside of him.

“I could have been with either one of you right now, and you’re the one I chose to come to,” she pointed out, lifting her hips enough to lead his body toward hers. There was something in the way that his eyes hooked with hers that took her breath away. Accepting him into her body, she carefully lowered herself over him moaning with him in unison. Getting comfortable, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders pressing their bodies closer together.

“What if Joel forces you to choose?” Negan stammered, his lips hovering just over hers. Tensing up beneath her, Negan found his body easily reacting to the warmth of her surrounding him without them moving.

“Let’s not worry about that right now,” she whispered, caressing her fingers through his hair at the back of his neck. Having him fully inside of her stagnant ached, but she liked the way that it felt. “I just want to spend my time with you. Be with you. We missed out on so much time together. I don’t want to miss a moment of it.”

“I question if Joel was right,” Negan winced when she lazily rolled her hips upward, taking her time in bringing them back down over him. Every movement was slow, drawn out, and was focusing on their connection. “Maybe the only way for us to truly be happy was to separate us during those years. We would have been hurting both Joel and Lucille. There is something between the two of us that is so strong. I don’t doubt that the two of us would have done something that we regretted if we were still around one another.”

Resting her forehead against his, she cried out at the way that Negan touched her while she moved over him. So much focus and care went into the way that he was with her, “Maybe that makes us bad people.”

“Joel can say whatever he wants to defend his thought process, but that’s not how things worked themselves out,” she silenced Negan, finally bringing their lips together to give him a passionate kiss that had him cupping her face in his hands. Moving ever so slightly back had their lips still brushing against each other’s while she spoke. “So we can talk about the maybes all day long, but that’s not how things were. So we’re not bad people for loving one another.”

“Now that I have you in my life, I can’t lose you,” Negan asserted, his palm sliding up over the center of her chest toward her neck. Curling his fingers around the side of her neck, his thumb traced over her jawline until hovering over her bottom lip. It had her kissing at his flesh and he smiled. “You mean more to me than you will ever know.”

“I feel the same way about you,” she promised, cuddling her head into his touch starting to rock her hips a little harder over his. Their breathing matched each other’s, growing louder with her movements. “I never want you to doubt the man that you are. I think Lucille would be proud of the man that you are now.”

“She’d kill me if she saw what I was doing right now,” he snickered, lifting enough to pepper kisses over her jawline. “I feel like she’d rather me be pining over her still, not falling head over heels in love with someone else.”

“I think you’re doing both,” she whimpered, her hips rolling firmer over his length having Negan moan out. Keeping them close had the warmth of his breath twisting with hers. This moment wasn’t about sex. It was about connecting. Showing how much they cared for each other.

Firmly wrapping his arm around her waist, Negan rolled her onto her back on the couch. Yelping out, her back arched and it was followed by a laugh with the confused expression that Negan was giving her, “The ice! The ice! It’s cold.”

“Oh,” Negan snorted, reaching behind her to dig out the bag of ice that was there. They both were laughing with Negan dropping his head against her chest. Setting the ice on the ground, he felt her kissing at the top of his head and he sighed loudly.

“A bag of ice up my ass sure did add a new sensation,” she teased him, tugging at his hair enough to bring his lips back to hers so they could kiss. Adjusting his body enough, he made sure to take the pressure off his hurt knee before he started to roll his hips up against hers. Locking his eyes with hers, Negan didn’t want to let go of this moment.

“Promise me that we will have each other for the rest of our lives,” Negan begged of her, his fingertips tracing over her jawline. Their bodies moved together in unison with her bouncing up with every thrust. “In whatever way possible.”

“You don’t have to beg me to promise,” she assured him, peppering kisses over his lips with him pausing his movements over her to give her his full attention. “We both know what it’s like not having each other in our lives. It hurts too much. We’ll always have each other from here on out.”

That was all he needed to hear. Now that he knew what it was like to be happy again and to feel loved after being lonely for two years, Negan knew that he couldn’t lose this.

Their love making session was slow, drawn out and by the time they were done, they were laid stretched out together on the couch. Her thigh was wrapped around his waist, her head resting on his chest with her drawing shapes over his abdomen.

“You don’t think I’m trying to steal Joel’s life, do you?” Negan still found himself considering the things that Joel had lashed out at him for today.

“Negan,” she frowned, her fingertips tracing over the tattoo that was over his pectoral muscle. “Don’t let that eat away at you. Joel is just jealous because people really like you. And it’s hard for him to get people to like him. The children still very much love their dad. They have just happily accepted you into their lives too.”

“I just don’t want…” Negan started only to yelp when he felt the sensation of something cold over his nipple. Arching his back up, he lifted his head to see that she had grabbed one of the ice cubes that was mostly melted from the bag that he set aside earlier. “Jesus!”

“It was the quickest way to get your mind focused on something else,” she was highly amused with herself, replacing the cold sensation with warmth by kissing over his nipple. Circling her tongue over his nipple, she snickered against his flesh with him moaning out. Running a line over the center of Negan’s abdomen down toward his belly button had him sucking in a sharp breath. Looking up at him, she shook her head and bit down on her bottom lip. “Joel was drunk. The worst thoughts that Joel has come out of his mouth when he’s drunk. I think you’re right about what you said with Joel. He’s having a hard time coming to terms with what happened between you and him. His brain is hooked on me, but his body wants both you and me.”

“I think he’s worried about what people will think about him if they find out we…” Negan considered the words that he should be using to describe what he did with Joel. “Fucked?”

“Joel hasn’t been comfortable with himself since he was eighteen years old,” she alerted Negan with a long sigh, dropping the ice cube back on top of the bag she pulled it out of. “Give it time. Everything will work itself out. I promise you that.”

“I should be the one promising you that,” Negan noted, his fingertips tracing over her back doing his best to comfort her. “You’re the one being placed in the middle of me and Joel…”

“Poor me. Stuck between two incredibly good-looking men who both love me,” she caused Negan to snort and laugh with her bluntness. “I’m more worried about you and Joel. Allow me that. Because I’m fine. I’ll be fine and I don’t doubt that. Right now, I’m in the arms of the man that I want to be with and I’m perfectly happy with that.” 

----

“You can stop babysitting me,” Joel glanced over at Tommy who was falling asleep at the other end of the couch. After they came home, Peter went to bed almost immediately because he was exhausted. Elizabeth and Tommy stayed up with Joel, both of them visibly worried about him. Pretty quickly Elizabeth had picked up on the fact that Joel had gotten into a fight but he refused to tell her with who. That wasn’t something he was about to bring his daughter into. So instead she stayed up with both him and Tommy for as long as she could. And when she started falling asleep, Joel carried her upstairs to bed. Tommy made him promise to come back downstairs, but Joel didn’t get it. It had been hours since he put Elizabeth to bed, yet Tommy was still holding true to staying with Joel. There was a bag of ice that Joel had placed on his knuckles on his right hand and with his left hand he was holding ice to his nose. In the few good hits that Negan had got on Joel, he had managed to hit Joel in the nose and there was a cut over the bridge of it. “I’m not going to do anything stupid.”

“I don’t know,” Tommy’s eyes grew wide with him trying to wake himself up. Sliding into a better position to focus on the screen, Tommy was still wary about leaving Joel alone. “I don’t trust you alone with yourself right now.”

“You really think I would kill myself and let my children have to deal with that for the rest of their lives?” Joel snapped getting a certain look from Tommy that told him he did think that Joel was capable of hurting himself. “I might be selfish in your opinion, but I’d never do that to Ellie and Peter.”

“I’ve heard the way you talk when you’re upset,” Tommy reminded Joel, turning on the couch to face Joel to give him his full attention. This was why Tommy wouldn’t leave his side. He was worried that Joel would hurt himself. “You’ve threatened it before. Not so long ago either.”

“I wouldn’t do it,” Joel stressed, throwing his hand that was holding the icepack to his nose up in the air to silence Tommy from even talking about it any further. “It was a stupid thing to say and I should have never said it.”

“People don’t always make the best decisions when they are drunk. Emotions get high, their feelings get enhanced and they do…stupid things,” Tommy waved his hand about in the air suggesting that Joel was a perfect example for that. “I don’t think you would have done a lot of things that you did tonight if you were sober.”

“Noted,” Joel scoffed, lowering down on the couch, spreading his thighs further apart so he could get comfortable.

“I’m not trying to be rude Joel, but you say one thing and then you act another,” Tommy recognized how things were with his older brother right now. It was confusing trying to understand what Joel was doing with his life. “Here we are talking about Y/N and how you don’t want to upset her. How you want her happy. Then you are running off on her and attacking her boyfriend.”

“It’s complicated,” Joel suggested with a frown, dropping his head back against the couch out of frustration. What happened tonight was not something that he wanted to explain to people or even go into detail with. Tommy was trying, but Joel was attempting to keep things locked up.

“Everything is complicated with you,” Tommy blurt out with a frown, stroking his fingers through his long hair. “I love you big brother, but you’re emotional because you are jealous.”

Most days, Joel would have fought back. Swore he wasn’t jealous, but deep down? He knew that he was. And there was a strong sense of confusion that filled his veins too.

“Jealousy, anger, alcohol…” Tommy listed off the things he knew were going on with Joel right now, “they make you do stupid things.”

“I get it, I’m stupid,” Joel grumbled under his breath, rolling his eyes back to a close. That was a word that Tommy had focused on pretty heavily at this point. “You don’t have to keep reminding me of it.”

“I know it’s hard to hear considering,” Tommy reasoned with Joel knowing that he had offended his brother with that word. There were just a lot of decisions that Joel was making lately that Tommy didn’t agree with or understand. “Can I ask you something?”

“If I said no, it wouldn’t stop you,” Joel pointed out, his head dropping to the side with his eyes slowly opening. “So why bother asking?”

“I’m trying to be polite,” Tommy said with a tip of his head, his dark eyes gazing over his brother. “If you really do feel the way you say you do about Y/N then why does the idea of being together with all three of you bother you so much?”

“Really?” Joel grunted eliciting a dramatic shrug from Tommy. By the expression on Tommy’s face, he was genuinely curious. “Would you be okay if Maria told you that she was in love with another man and she wanted to be with him, but also be with you on the side?”

“If I was desperate enough and that was the only option, I’d take it,” Tommy surprised Joel with his answer. It didn’t seem to bother Tommy that much. “I love Maria. I know it was fast, I know that you would disapprove, but I love her a lot. So if that was the only way to have her in my life, I would deal.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Joel commented, his brown eyes unsure of the way that Tommy responded to his question.

“Beggers can’t be choosers Joel. You’re lucky enough that she still loves you,” Tommy snorted, his hands rubbing out over his own thighs in a stressed manner. Out of the corner of his eye, he could tell that Joel was glaring at him, but he didn’t care. “The things you did to her? Most people don’t come back from that. And you only recently broke up with Tess. Yet, you are expecting her to give up the one person who makes her feel good about herself to give you another chance? After how many? You’re lucky that she wants to be with you in any way.”

“Thanks for the support little brother,” Joel snarled, his eyes rolling when he dropped his head back against the couch in frustration again.

“I’m just pointing out the obvious,” Tommy defended himself with a yawn. Right now he was fighting falling asleep off, but it was hard. “If you love her, I think you’d want her to be the happiest version of herself. Right? So if she’s the happiest with both of you…?”

“What would people think?” Joel stressed, his nose wrinkling and that sent a rush of pain up to his forehead. Cussing out, he lifted the ice pack back to his nose to place it where it hurt the most. That was a thought he had been worried about from the start. What the world would think about the three of them being together in some kind of relationship.

“When have you ever cared what people thought?” Tommy was confused by the comment considering Joel always hated people as it was. There was never a moment where Tommy even thought for a second that Joel would care about what others thought about him. “You’ve never been the type to care what people thought of you. They told you that you were too young to be my primary caregiver, but you did it anyways. When people told you that Y/N’s parents were right, the two of you should get an abortion, you told them to fuck off.”

Going to say something, Joel scoffed when he realized that his brother was right, “And if people said things, do you really think it would be out of judgement or jealousy? Most people would love to be in a poly relationship with two people. Especially someone like Negan. Most straight men would happily bend over for Negan.”

Glaring over at Tommy had Tommy shrugging dramatically and making an awkward expression, “I’m just saying Joel, they would. They would brag about it too. So I don’t think you have anything to worry about. People might judge, but they would secretly be thinking how fucking lucky you were.”

“What makes you think I bent over for Negan?” Joel questioned with venom in his tone and it had Tommy’s face twisting with an array of emotions. Of all the things, that was what Joel was focused on and it seemed to put Tommy in a hard place.

An uncomfortable smile donned Tommy’s face and threw his hands up in the air once more, “Originally? I didn’t think you did, but your response to it tells me otherwise.”

A rush of warmth flooded into Joel’s face. Biting down on his lip, Joel kept himself from saying what he really wanted to, forcing himself to look away from Tommy. It embarrassed him to know that Tommy knew what had happened between him and Negan. That wasn’t something he wanted people to know.

“I didn’t think it was that kind of threesome, but I support it,” Tommy threw it out there, taking a moment to consider his next thought. “I’m not gonna judge you for being in a relationship with two people that might make you happy. You haven’t been happy in a long time Joel. If another man makes you happy? And if you sleep with him like that? I support it. Because I know you love Y/N. And something tells me that you like Negan more than you give up too. And if people give you shit for it? I’ll break their face.”

Again, Joel was quiet. It was hard being open with Tommy over…this. That was everything that someone in his position would want to hear from someone they loved. He just didn’t know if he wanted his little brother looking at him like that.

“So…” Tommy finally broke the moment of silence that surrounded them. Clearing his throat, Tommy adjusted his body on the couch and looked to Joel. “How was it?”

“How was what?” Joel scoffed, the line at the bridge of his nose growing deeper.

“Y’know,” Tommy nodded his head about trying to hint to Joel what he was talking about. When Joel realized that he was asking about the sex between him and Negan, Joel scowled and forced himself to look away from Tommy..

“I’m not doing this,” Joel was quick to respond and it had Tommy snickering. Warmth flooded into Joel’s face with his brother now asking him details about the sex that happened with Negan. “It’s not funny Tommy.”

“I don’t think it’s funny,” Tommy swore, placing his hand in over the center of his chest. “I guarantee every man in this town would be jealous. All the women too.”

“So you’d sleep with Negan?” Joel retorted having Tommy groan in disgust. Tommy shook his head and it made Joel angrier. “See, you’re a liar.”

“He’s like my brother you moron,” Tommy realized they were talking too loudly and he lowered his voice. “You, Y/N and Negan were my family growing up. People told me all the time that I should have stolen Y/N out from under you when you got divorced, but I can’t look at her like that. She adopted me Joel. You and her are the closest things I have to parents. And Negan was always like a big brother. So no, I couldn’t sleep with Negan because that would be like sleeping with you.”

Growling out, Joel set aside the ice pack and dropped his head forward into his hands, “Stop overthinking things Joel. You’re sabotaging yourself and your own happiness because you’re suddenly worrying about what other people might think of you?”

“Tommy…” Joel’s voice sounded irritated with it vibrating against his hands.

“Look at me,” Tommy called out to Joel, reaching out to shove at Joel’s shoulder when he didn’t. Another shove had Joel lifting his head in anger. “Do you love Y/N?”

“Yes,” Joel was quick to answer.

“Really love her? Or are you only feeling these things because of Negan?” Tommy brought up the thing that so many others had already done.

“Really love her,” Joel was disgusted that his own brother would question his motives. “I made a mistake when I divorced her Tommy. Why do you think Tess left me?”

“I thought that was a mutual thing,” Tommy commented, his brown eyes confused with his brother’s response about his ex-girlfriend. “You said that she wanted more from you than you were willing to give.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Joel scoffed, pointing toward Tommy who tipped his head to the side like a confused puppy dog. “Toward the end of my marriage with Y/N, I wasn’t very affectionate. It was something that always upset her. She wanted to cuddle. She wanted to hear how much I loved her. Instead I slept on the edge of the bed, the opposite side away from her, I wasn’t touchy feely…”

“Right…” Tommy was waiting for the explanation with Joel rambling.

“I couldn’t be loving and emotional, when I wasn’t that way with Y/N,” Joel expressed how he felt, remembering what he was feeling when he was dating someone else. “And I guess I was always comparing her to Y/N. Using our relationship as an example of how things should be. I liked Tess, but I never loved Tess. She put up with it for as long as she could, but I couldn’t give her what she wanted in a relationship because I was always so hooked on Y/N.”

“Then why did you leave her?” Tommy stressed the question that was always on everyone’s mind. Why would he be stupid enough to leave Y/N when he was still so visibly in love with her?

“I don’t know,” Joel had no really good answer for that. And that infuriated Tommy with his response. “I don’t know Tommy! I could blame my mental health. It was poor. And I think that’s really what it was, but it was still me making a really stupid fucking decision little brother. And I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea in the first place because it never was.”

Tommy was considering everything that Joel was saying, but he was quiet because it was obvious this whole thing was complicated like it had been stressed many times before, “I guess my brain thought I needed time to discover that she was what I wanted all along.”

“Well your brain took its sweet ass time,” Tommy replied back with a disgusted breath at his brother’s confession. Joel didn’t disagree with him. Especially now that they were in such a strange position that had Joel questioning everything. “How many women did you sleep with after you got divorced?”

That was not something that Joel expected Tommy to ask of him. And when he did? Joel got angry. That wasn’t even something that he thought they should be talking about.

“Don’t make me answer that,” Joel begged of his brother, rolling his eyes that Tommy would even go there.

“How many other women have you slept with other than Y/N?” Tommy continued to push having Joel’s jaw flexing. Here he was going to be stubborn and not answer his brother. “Is it so many that you don’t know or are you afraid that I will tell her? Because I’m your fucking brother and you should be able to tell me these things. We should be able to talk to each other about this stuff.”

“There are two answers to your question,” Joel resented the fact that Tommy was going to this. Especially since he didn’t know what it had to do with what they were talking about in the first place. “I slept with a few people before I ever got with Y/N. You know that she wasn’t my first, right? I was her first, but with me...a lot of girls wanted to hook up with me when I was younger.”

“I assumed that. You were popular, girls were falling at your feet,” Tommy recalled what it was like when Joel was in high school. “And it’s not like I couldn’t hear shit because my room was right next to yours. So while mom and dad were sleeping, I knew that you were sneaking people into your room.”

“Yeah, well your dad wouldn’t have had as much of a problem with it as you might think,” Joel swallowed down hard, his eyes gazing over at Tommy from where he was seated on the couch. It was hard to admit this to his brother when he let out a tremoring breath. “Our father is the one that got me the condoms. And he sure as hell didn’t have a problem with me sleeping around. In fact, he urged me to do it.”

“What?” Tommy snapped at Joel realizing that this was headed in a direction that he wasn’t expecting. “Joel, why would dad do that? You know that he just about ripped my head off when he found that magazine I was keeping in my room.”

“Because…” Joel paused, biting down on his bottom lip and looking toward the stairs. “Do you promise not to look at me differently if I tell you something?”

“What?” Tommy scoffed, sitting forward on the couch when he gazed over Joel. “Did you kill someone or something? Because I always thought you had it in you to do it.”

“Tommy, shut up,” Joel couldn’t help but laugh that his brother was being so ridiculous in the moment. “Please just give me a moment to say this, okay? I reckon you’ll never look at me the same again after I tell you. Because I…I hate myself for it too.”

“Okay?” Tommy didn’t know how to respond, he just listened and kept quiet like Joel asked him too.

“When I was younger, I thought I was hot shit. People really liked me. And girls were throwing themselves at me. The first time I had sex, it was awful. I mean, terrible,” Joel stressed, biting down on his bottom lip and he hit his knee. “I didn’t know if it was me or the girl because I really didn’t like her that much. I just did it because I’m a guy. There were a lot of hot girls that wanted to sleep with me and I didn’t turn them down. Some experiences were better than others. But? I uh…there was always one person I really liked.”

“Y/N?” Tommy spoke up, his head shaking about with Joel sucking in a sharp breath of air. Joel’s eyes grew damp when he looked to Tommy with a shake of his head.

“I didn’t start having feelings for her until this one day I was in class, but let me get to something else first,” Joel hushed his brother, lifting his hand up to silence Tommy so that way he couldn’t stop himself from continuing his story. “Tommy, I always liked Negan. And not just in the way that you like a friend. I crushed on girls that were like in the magazines and what not, but when I was around Negan? I just kinda felt things that I knew I shouldn’t be feeling. He’d come over to hang out and we’d watch things that we shouldn’t have been watching when no one was home. And at first, we’d just do things to ourselves. I just thought it was something that guys did together. But throughout time, we started touching each other. And this one time, dad came home early for something. He walked in on me and Negan doing that together and he…he beat the shit outta me Tommy. Calling me a fa…you know. He was so ashamed of me.”

“How did I not know about this?” Tommy asked, clearly horrified from what he was learning about the past.

“No one knew. The only people that knew were me and him. Not even mom knew. He called me that word, threw Negan out of the house and then he kicked my ass. Wanted to beat it outta me. Told me he wasn’t going to have a queer living in his house. Said I had to get my shit together because if he found me doing that again he would throw me out and take everything away from me,” Joel informed his brother, his voice breaking when he forced himself to look away from Tommy. “We came up with some stupid story about me being attacked by another kid from an opposing school so he didn’t get in trouble. The only reason Negan found out about it is because he was there when dad showed up. When I came to school looking like I did? He immediately knew. So now the only people in the world that ever knew were me, Negan, dad and you. It’s not that I was gay, I had feelings for other women throughout my life, I just…I really liked Negan. I think I knew pretty young that I had feelings for both men and women. Or Negan and women. I don’t know. Because there isn’t another guy that I’ve felt like that toward, but I don’t know if that’s because it’s how it is or because our dad beat it out of me.”

“You should have told me,” Tommy looked upset to hear that Joel went through that and Joel shrugged his shoulders. Joel was emotional about the past and it was devastating Tommy to think that Joel went through that alone. “I remember how upset mom was about the way you looked. Wanting to call the police, but dad wouldn’t let her.”

“Because he was the one that did it,” Joel released something that sounded like a whimper even though he didn’t want it to be like that. “That’s how I knew that Y/N was the love of my life. Because when I kissed her? When I slept with her. I felt something for her that I had never felt for anyone. Not even Negan. I slept with a handful of people to try to prove I wasn’t what dad thought I was, but it wasn’t until her where everything in the world felt right.”

Pausing to think about everything, Joel nervously rubbed at the back of his neck and shrugged, “You know when I was dating Tess, that I cheated on her with Y/N, right?” Joel brought up what was true to his little brother, catching the way that Tommy’s eyebrows bounced up. “We never stopped sleeping with each other Tommy. We may have been divorced, but we were never apart more than a month or two. So I didn’t completely just give up on her those four years.”

“I don’t know if that makes things worse or better Joel,” Tommy was honest with Joel about how he felt with things toward the whole Tess and Y/N situation. “She probably thought the whole time it was a sign that you still wanted to be with her, but then you never did come back. No wonder she thinks it’s because of Negan that you want to be with her.”

“I had problems,” Joel defended himself, his hand raising to place over the center of his chest. “You know just as well as me Tommy that we’re soulmates.”

“But I think Negan is her soulmate too,” Tommy was honest with Joel and for the first time he actually saw disappointment in Joel’s eyes. “Is that so wrong? Maybe…just maybe he’s your soulmate too.”

“I’m nothing compared to him,” Joel declared, his head lowering with his confession. “I have no chance if that’s really the case.”

“Yet, they both have been more than willing to include you in things,” Tommy reminded Joel, sliding in closer to his brother to give him a firm nudge. “Maybe start thinking about the positives in things. You can be alone, or you can have something which is better than nothing. And with what you just told me…? I think that’s more than enough reason to prove that this whole poly relationship thing is a great idea. After what you went through? Dad isn’t here anymore. I am. And I support you. I support you loving both of them.”

“But what about the children?” Joel’s breathing was broken and it had Tommy sucking in a sharp breath of air, his finger shakily pushing into his dark hair.

“I don’t think they’d care. They love all three of you. I think they’d be okay with it. As long as you don’t act like it’s a weird thing, I think they would accept you as you are,” Tommy stressed to his brother what he believed was true and honest. “They are good kids Joel. You raised them to be accepting of people. You never taught them to be any other way. It’d be a lot easier having the three of you together than having you separated. Let them show you that Joel.”  

“She learned the truth Tommy with what I had done,” Joel admitted to his little brother, turning to look at him with a saddened expression. “Why Negan really stopped interacting with me and her. What I did to Negan. Why I really slept with her the first time.”

“Does that matter anymore?” Tommy responded in a way that wasn’t what Joel was expecting. “Yeah, you got with her to be a douchebag, but you fell in love with her. The two of you were together sixteen years before you got divorced. Your feelings weren’t fake those sixteen years. I think she knows better than to assume that it was all just to fuck with Negan. Negan left when you were eighteen. You could have dropped it, but you didn’t because you love her.”

“I have fucked things up so much little brother,” Joel realized, dragging his hands down over the sides of his face. “I don’t even know how to fix things.”

“Try,” Tommy said one word, but the emphasis on it obviously meant something to Tommy. “Just try. That’s all that matters. Trying.”

Giving a nod, Joel didn’t know how he would even approach trying, but it wasn’t bad advice. Standing up from the couch, Joel went into the kitchen to put back the ice packs and returned to step before Tommy, “I’m going to go up to my room. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Are you sure?” Tommy blurt out getting Joel to look back at him over his shoulder. “I don’t want to wake up to something bad Joel.”

“I promise, I’m just going to my room to rest,” Joel swore, giving Tommy a firm nod moving toward the stairs until Tommy called out to him.

“You could have told me Joel because I would have loved you no matter what,” Tommy promised Joel, swallowing down the lump in his throat that wouldn’t go away after Joel explained to him what happened with their father. “Unlike dad, I think you have the right to be happy. And you are always gonna be my hero big brother. You were more my father than he ever was. You weren’t broken because you were attracted to both Negan and Y/N. And I look up to you even more now cus’ you were able to tell me. I love you Joel. I’m sorry you had to go through all that alone.”

Moving to the stairs, Tommy could hear the sounds of Joel’s breathing. It was broken and he was upset, turning Joel to face him, Tommy wrapped his brother up in his arms and gave him a strong, lingering hug that had Joel finally returning the hug after a few minutes.

“I think a lot of what you are going through is dad’s fault,” Tommy whispered, patting Joel at the center of the back. “You were never allowed to be you. But stop letting dad be your inside voice Joel. You’re good enough. Stop forcing yourself to be miserable. You deserve to be happy. And this is your chance.”

Swallowing down hard, Joel pulled back and away from Tommy. Patting the side of Joel’s face, Tommy gave his brother a reassuring nod, staying at the bottom of the steps when Joel started to head up toward his bedroom.

Once inside of his room, Joel kicked the door shut with the heel of his foot. A tremoring breath escaped Joel’s throat with him bringing his hands up to his face to cover it. For so long Joel had held that in and to finally tell someone had him shaking. Talking about his past had him feeling things and feeling them very strongly.

Looking to his laptop, Joel saw that it was opened and he bit down firmly on his bottom lip. This whole thing had Joel thinking about what he had done tonight to both Negan and Y/N. And then Lucille popped into his mind. Never had he really been open with anyone about the secret friendship that he had with Negan’s wife. They used to talk all the time, but when Joel separated from Y/N, they really didn’t talk as much as they used to.

Logging into his e-mail, Joel typed her name into the search bar bringing up all their messages that they shared together. Often back then they would send each other messages, videos, voice recordings and he had all of them saved.

It had been so long since he really thought about Lucille. After divorcing Y/N he got distracted. Noticing how many unread e-mails he had from her truly made him realize that. Guilt started to build up inside of him considering how quickly he abandoned that relationship once he was no longer with Y/N.

Opening a few of the messages, Joel realized most of them were just her writing him to ask how he was doing. But the final one? It was a video that he never even bothered to look at. Swallowing down hard, he opened the message and waited for the video to download. Shifting in his seat, Joel rest his elbows on the desk and bit down on his bottom lip when it started to play.

“Hey there stranger,” Lucille’s weak voice drew a labored breath from his lips. In the video she was wearing a purple wig that was shoulder length instead of having her naturally blonde hair. Leaning further back in the chair, Joel bit down on his bottom lip. It was obvious by the way her eyes looked that she was tired and weak. There was always a glow and an energy to Lucille when they spoke, but that wasn’t there. “It’s been a long time since we’ve talked and I thought I would send you this. What do you think about the area back here?”

Moving out of the way of the camera, she focused on the room that she seemed to be in, “Negan insisted that we have our own little space so we can spend all of our time together.”

Sliding back into the frame, Lucille gave what looked like to be a happy smile causing an ache at Joel’s chest, “I think he knows I don’t have much time left. He’s having a hard time with it. I’ve pretty much accepted it at this point. I’m ready. I’m too tired to fight.”

A broken breath fell from Joel’s throat, an overwhelming overflow of guilt eating away at him that he never seen this or even responded to her. And he knew that she had been dead for years now. They were friends and he did the one thing that he accused Negan of doing with Y/N and him. Abandoned her.

“We have our own little couple cave here. It’s the most doting he’s ever been. I made him go out to get me ice cream while I made this video for you. He never wants to leave my side anymore. I had to beg him to do it,” Lucille stated with another long sigh, her head shaking as she spoke. “I’m worried about him. He’s not sleeping. I think he’s scared that if he sleeps, I’m going to die and he won’t be with me.”

There were tears burning at Lucille’s eyes as she spoke, “I’m just worried about him in general. He’s not strong enough for this. I don’t know what he’s going to do when I die. I don’t think he’s going to be able to handle it.”

There was a long silence and Joel could see tears sliding down her face when she shrugged, “I need you to do something for me. I think we were wrong in keeping all of us separated. More than anything when I’m gone, I think Negan is going to need friends. People to keep him from drowning. I think he needs you and Y/N. People who really know him. So when you find out that I die, please find a way to get in contact with him Joel. I’ve appreciated this friendship that the two of us have had and I hope you can do this for me.”

Stopping the video, Joel lowered his head and let out a trembling breath. Why did he never open the fucking e-mail? Why did he avoid her after he had broken up with Y/N all those years ago? Trying to gather himself, Joel pushed forward and hit the play button to start the video back up again.

“I miss talking to you,” she declared with a nervous laugh, shrugging her shoulders as she spoke to the camera. “I wanted to give you some advice Joel. Take it or leave it from a dying woman with nothing but a small amount of time. I know that you want more in life. That you felt cheated for the things that happened to you, but I think you need to reconsider your divorce to Y/N. I was really upset with my life for a long time too, but I realized something. I loved Negan. Through and through. I always knew there was a good man deep down inside of him and he’s really proven that the last year or so. He’s the man I always knew him to be. The only thing I regret is never being able to have a family. Joel, you have the one thing I always wanted. The one thing I always longed for.”

It took a minute for Lucille to gather herself, biting down on her bottom lip with her tears sliding down her face. Wiping at them with the back of her hand, Lucille sniffled and shook her head, “A family Joel. A family that loves you endlessly. Hear it from someone who has what you would consider everything. I have everything, but when I die, I’ll have nothing to be remembered by. You had someone that loved you, children who think the world of you. I have Negan. And he’ll be the only person to keep my memory alive. And he’ll be alone. Trust me when I tell you Joel, the everything you long for…you already have it. Nothing beats love. Not money, not fame…love. Because at the end of your life you truly realize who it is you want to have with you. And I realize now that it was Negan for me.”

The sound of a door opening was heard and Lucille was looking off the screen. At the corner of the screen Joel watched Negan walking over toward the back table to set down a few bags, “I’m sorry for taking so long. I had to go to two stores just to get these. I bought you a few just in case you keep having cravings.”

Pointing her finger back toward the corner of the room in the video, Lucille smiled and whispered faintly, “Goodbye Joel. Thank you for everything.”

“What was that?” a younger Negan turned on his heel to face her with her glancing back over her shoulder. “Who are you talking to?”

“No one,” Lucille stammered before ending the video.

It had Joel sliding further down in his chair feeling the ache growing at the center of his chest. Now, not only did he regret what he had done with Y/N, he realized that he also made a huge mistake in ignoring Lucille and her messages. It made Joel wonder how long after that video Lucille passed away.

Her last message was her telling him that his family was the most important thing. And now that she was gone and it was years later, Joel realized that she was right.

Sliding in closer to the desk, Joel went through a few folders until stopping on one that he wanted. Clicking open the video, Joel focused on the lower quality video smiling when he saw Y/N holding onto a young Peter sitting by the Christmas tree come into focus.

“Look at all those presents,” Joel’s voice was younger and he turned the camera toward him to show that Elizabeth was in his arms cuddling her head in against his shoulder. This was when they were still so happy and Joel didn’t doubt his life. “It looks like Santa was very good to the both of you this year.”

Pressing a quick kiss over a younger Elizabeth’s head, Joel turned the camera back to Y/N and Peter. Peter was clapping his hands together and reached for a present to inspect it, “I wonder what you did this year to be so good.”

“We’re just good always daddy,” Elizabeth’s younger voice was heard with her being set down and running to sit by the other two next to the tree. “You know that.”

“Yes you are,” Y/N wrapped her arms around both the children hugging them close. “You both are the best. And we love you very much.”

“Daddy, come on. Come here,” Peter called out moving his hands in a dramatic motion. A rumble of a laugh from the other side of the camera fell from Joel’s throat. A moment later Joel was setting up the camera so it would frame the whole family. He walked into the frame and dropped down on the ground next to Y/N. Peppering her with kisses had her smiling and Joel truly wondered where he went wrong. What was it that made him question the love he had for his family? He had the perfect life and now he was left realizing he should have never doubted that.

----

Tags: @chainsawsangel @fancypeacepersona @violent-darkness @negansbestie @elegantfanficluv

@sanctuaryforthelost @dead-of-niight @dilfsandmartinis @jennydehavilland

[rmstitanics]

* FAMOUS INDIVIDUALS WITH YOUR MOON SIGN.

If you’re looking for suggestions on which authors and music artists to check out next, look to your moon sign! In Western astrology, the moon is said to represent your subconscious mind, emotions, and inner personality, so it is widely believed that we tend to relate to media by artists who share our moon sign.

♈️ ARIES MOON

WRITERS:

Gore Vidal

George R. R. Martin

Nicholas Sparks

Rick Riordan

Jennifer Lynn Barnes

Christopher Paolini

MUSICIANS:

P!nk

Whitney Houston

Céline Dion

Selena Gomez

Rihanna

Tupac

♉️ TAURUS MOON

WRITERS:

Jodi Picoult

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Hans Christian Anderson

Clive Barker

George Bernard Shaw

Aldous Huxley

MUSICIANS:

Pharrell Williams

Kelly Clarkson

Bob Dylan

Demi Lovato

Christina Aguilera

Pitbull

♊️ GEMINI MOON

WRITERS:

C. S. Lewis

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Orson Scott Card

Franz Kafka

Margaret Mitchell

R.A. Salvatore

T. S. Elliot

MUSICIANS:

Ella Fitzgerald

Florence Welch

Art Garfunkel

Billy Idol

Sia

Tina Turner

♋️ CANCER MOON

WRITERS:

George Orwell

Liu Cixin

Brandon Sanderson

Cassandra Clare

Diana Gabaldon

Lois Lowry

MUSICIANS:

Tchaikovsky

Taylor Swift

Kurt Cobain

Halsey

Aretha Franklin

Janis Joplin

♌️ LEO MOON

Oscar Wilde

Holly Black

Geraldine Brooks

James Dashner

Jack London

Ta Nehisi Coates

MUSICIANS:

Lana Del Ray

Paul McCartney

Queen Latifah

Niall Horan

Bruno Mars

David Bowie

♍️ VIRGO MOON

WRITERS:

Leo Tolstoy

John Grisham

Claudia Gray

Isabel Allende

Xiran Jay Zhao

Douglas Adams

MUSICIANS:

Dolly Parton

Nicki Manaj

Madonna

Lorde

Bo Burnham

Lizzo

♎️ LIBRA MOON

WRITERS:

Jane Austen

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Sylvia Plath

William Shakespeare

Maya Angelou

R.F. Kuang

MUSICIANS:

Ariana Grande

Charli XCX

Bruce Springsteen

Jay-Z

Harry Styles

Fergie

♏️ SCORPIO MOON

WRITERS:

Veronica Roth

Edith Wharton

V.E. Schwab

Harper Lee

Keira Cass

Meg Cabot

MUSICIANS:

Lady Gaga

Tyler the Creator

Cyndi Lauper

Beyoncé

Bob Marley

The Weeknd

♐️ SAGITTARIUS MOON

WRITERS:

Stephen King

Victor Hugo

Marie Lu

Suzanne Collins

Samantha Shannon

Adam Silvera

MUSICIANS

Hozier

Freddie Mercury

Adele

Ludwig Van Beethoven

Chappell Roan

John Legend

♑️ CAPRICORN MOON

WRITERS:

Sarah J. Maas

J.M. Barrie

Jeff Shaara

Joyce Carol Oates

Stephanie Meyer

Angie Thomas

MUSICIANS:

Frédéric Chopin

Neil Diamond

Jon Bon Jovi

Lin-Manuel Miranda

Stevie Nicks

Donna Summer

♒️ AQUARIUS MOON

WRITERS:

Margaret Atwood

Leigh Bardugo

Louisa May Alcott

Seth Grahame-Smith

Anthony Horowitz

S.E. Hinton

MUSICIANS:

Cody Simpson

Marilyn Monroe

Britney Spears

Billie Eilish

Tim McGraw

Carrie Underwood

♓️ PISCES MOON

WRITERS:

Toni Morrison

Edgar Allen Poe

Malcolm Gladwell

Lisa McMann

Alice Oseman

Philippa Gregory

MUSICIANS:

Kenny Chesney

Elvis Presley

Frank Sinatra

Prince

Kendrick Lamar

Sabrina Carpenter

[medium-observation]

February Release!

Schmigadoon! - Broadway Center Stage

February 6, 2025 - Medium Observation

Video

Cast:

Alex Brightman (Josh Skinner), Sara Chase (Melissa Gimble), Isabelle McCalla (Emma Tate), Javier Muñoz (Doc Lopez), McKenzie Kurtz (Betsy McDonough), Ryan Vasquez (Danny Bailey), Brad Oscar (Mayor Aloysius Menlove), Ann Harada (Florence Menlove), Kevin Del Aguila (Reverend Layton/Leprechaun), Emily Skinner (Mildred Layton), Ayaan Diop (Carson Tate), Angel Reda (Countess Gabrielle Von Blerkom/Ensemble), Richard Riaz Yoder (Harvey the Innkeeper/Ensemble), Nathan Lucrezio (Farmer McDonough/Ensemble), Jess LeProtto (Pete/Ensemble), Phillip Attmore (Freddy/Ensemble), Brandon Block (Buford Riggs/Ensemble), Holly Ann Butler (Helen Pritt/Ensemble), Max Clayton (Larry the Fireman/Ensemble), Kimberly Immanuel (Zaneeta/Ensemble), Eloise Kropp (Nancy/Ensemble), Lauralyn McClelland (Ruth O’Reilly/Ensemble), Shina Ann Morris (Norma Nelson/Ensemble)

Master Notes:

Near perfect video of this AMAZING show. There is some washout in wideshots but that's really the only issue with this video aside from some shakiness and readjusting throughout.

NFT Date: August 1st, 2025

Screenshots:https://flic.kr/s/aHBqjC1KET

Video is $20

Les Misérables - Sixth US National Tour

January 18, 2025 (Matinee) - Medium Observation

Video 

Cast:

Nick Cartell (Jean Valjean), Nick Rehberger (Javert), Lindsay Heather Pearce (Fantine), Delaney Guyer (Cosette), Jake David Smith (Marius), Mya Rena Hunter (Éponine), Matt Crowle (Thénardier), Christian Mark Gibbs (Enjolras), Victoria Huston-Elem (Madame Thénardier), Jack Jewkes (Gavroche), Kyle Adams (Grantaire), Daniel Gerard Bittner (Feuilly), Danny Martin (Courfeyrac), Andrew Marks Maughan (Combeferre), J.T. Wood (Joly), Steve Czarnecki (Factory Foreman/Brujon), David Andino (Bamatabois/Babet), Jonathan Young (Jean Prouvaire), Jeremiah Alsop (Montparnasse), David T. Walker (Claquesous), David T. Walker (The Bishop of Digne), Colin Anderson (Lesgles), Paige McNamara (Factory Girl), Ashley Alexandra (Old Woman), Emily Fink (Wigmaker), Emerson Mae Chan (Young Eponine), Greta Schaefer (Little Cosette) 

Master Notes:

Excellent Video from the orchestra. Shot between heads but very beautfiul zooms. Wideshots can have a head or two but they usually never take away. Some washout, shakiness and readjusting throughout.

NFT Date: August 1st, 2025

Screenshots:https://flic.kr/s/aHBqjBYUhZ

Video is $20

The Great Gatsby - Broadway

February 7, 2025 - Medium Observation

Video

Cast:

Ryan McCartan (Jay Gatsby), Traci Elaine Lee (u/s Daisy Buchanan), Noah J. Ricketts (Nick Carraway), Samantha Pauly (Jordan Baker), Tess Soltau (u/s Myrtle Wilson), Terrence Mann (Meyer Wolfsheim), John Zdrojeski (Tom Buchanan), Charlie Pollock (George Wilson), Dan Rosales (Mr. McKee/Bystander #2), Dariana Mullen (Gilda Gray), Kayla Pecchioni (Mrs. McKee), Carissa Gaughran (Catherine), Samantha Pollino (u/s Bystander #1), Justin Keats (Cop)

Master Notes:

Decent capture of this show. Whenever Terry Mann is on stage it's a fancam. The first 20 minutes are completely blindly filmed so i defaulted to wideshotting most of it. Due to usher activity a lot of the show is shot this way, whenever he left i could zoom and such, second big issue with this video is the obstruction. The people in front of me never stopped moving and they kept getting into my shot constantly so there is a lot of obstruction that i try my absolute best to avoid.Some washout, shakiness and readjusting throughout.

NFT Date: August 1st, 2025

Screenshots:https://flic.kr/s/aHBqjC1PXh

Video is $15

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - First US National Tour

January 28, 2025 - Medium Observation

Video

Cast:

John Skelley (Harry Potter), Emmet Smith (Albus Severus Potter), Aidan Close (Scorpius Malfoy), David Ables (e/c Ron Weasley), Ebony Blake (Hermione Granger), Trish Lindström (Ginny Potter), Benjamin Thys (Draco Malfoy), Naiya Vanessa McCalla (Rose Granger-Weasley), Julia Nightingale (Delphi Diggory), Timmy Thompson (Craig Bowker Jr.), Mackenzie Lesser-Roy (Moaning Myrtle/Lily Potter Sr.), Ayla Stackhouse (u/s Polly Chapman), Larry Yando (Severus Snape/Amos Diggory/Albus Dumbledore), Evan Maltby (s/w Lord Voldemort), Chadd Alexander (u/s Sorting Hat), David Fine (Yann Fredericks), Alexis Gordon (Madam Hooch), Katherine Leask (Dolores Umbridge/Professor McGonagall), Maren Searle (Trolley Witch), Caleb Hafen (Cedric Diggory/James Potter Sr.), Zach Norton (Karl Jenkins/Viktor Krum), Rene Thornton Jr. (Station Master), Torsten Johnson (Professor Mazoni), Paul Thornley (Voice of Ludo Bagman), Chris Jarman (Voice of Phone Box)

Master Notes:

Excellent Video of this tour! Due to how far i was alongside the darkness of the show it can become grainy at points. Some washout, shakiness and readjusting throughout. All sales from this video will be donated to Mermaids UK.

NFT Date: August 1st, 2025

Screenshots:https://flic.kr/s/aHBqjBZSdU

Video is $20

The Bedwetter - Arena Stage

February 5, 2025 - Medium Observation

Video

Cast:

Aria Kane (Sarah), Shoshana Bean (Beth Ann), Darren Goldstein (Donald), Liz Larsen(Nana), Ashley Blanchet (Miss New Hampshire), Alina Santos (Ally), Alysha Umprhess (Mrs. Dembo), Avery Harris (Laura), Rick Crom (Dr. Riley), Emerson Holt Lacayo (Abby), Elin Joy Seiler (Amy)

Master Notes: Excellent video of this shows first preview! There are 2 show stops but i’ve cut them down to about 10-15 seconds each. Some washout, shakiness and readjusting throughout. 

NFT Date: August 1st, 2025

Screenshots:https://flic.kr/s/aHBqjC1KE2

Video is $20

Six - Second US National Tour (Boleyn)

January 8, 2025 - Medium Observation

Video

Cast:

Chani Maisonet (Catherine of Aragon), Gaby Albo (Anne Boleyn), Kelly Denice Taylor (Jane Seymour), Danielle Mendoza (Anna of Cleves), Alize Cruz (Katherine Howard), Tasia Jungbauer (Catherine Parr)

Master Notes:

Fantastic Video of the new tour cast! Due to my seat sometimes it can be a tad grainy but other than that great video. Some washout, shakiness and readjusting throughout.

NFT Date: February 6th, 2026

Screenshots:https://flic.kr/s/aHBqjBXFgm

Video is $20

Hadestown - First US National Tour

March 14, 2024 - Medium Observation

Video

Cast:

John Krause (t/r Orpheus), Amaya Braganza (Eurydice), Matthew Patrick Quinn (Hades), Lana Gordon (Persephone), Will Mann (Hermes), KC Dela Cruz (u/s Fate), Hannah Schreer (Fate), Marla Louissaint (Fate), Sevon Askew (Worker), Jamal Lee Harris (Worker), Cate Hayman (Worker), Quiana Onrae'l Holmes (Worker), Daniel Tracht (Worker)

Notes:

Excellent Video of John Krause’s first performance back on the tour! There is a show stop during way down hadestown which causes them to restart the song when they come back on stage.Some washout, shakiness and readjusting throughout.

NFT Date: August 1st, 2025

Screenshots:https://flic.kr/s/aHBqjBiyw4

Video is $20

To Purchase any of these videos please fill out this form

[letthefairyinyoufly]

“You're reading me.” [003]

[soft-pine]

rabbit dean zine!

cn: animal death.

i think the printed version looks slightly nicer than the digital scan (and if for some reason anyone wants a printed version, i have extras i can mail lol).

dedicated to @deangloriam <3

citations under the cut:

Supernatural 12.11 - Regarding Dean

The Rabbit Box - Joseph Pintauro

Hunting Rabbits and Hares: Chapters on Coursing, Trapping and Cooking - Anon

Supernatural 1.15 - The Benders

Blue Lily, Lily Blue - Maggie Stiefvater

Runaway Bunny - Margaret Wise Brown & Clement Hurd

Penetrate - Ezra Furman

Supernatural 4.01 - Lazarus Rising

Watership Down - Richard Adams

Supernatural 3.16 - No Rest for the Wicked

Jackrabbit - San Fermin

Small Game Hunting - Abby Badach Doyle

How to Explain Pictures to a Dead Hare - Joseph Beuys

Sax Rohmer #1 - The Mountain Goats

Rabbits for Food, Fur And Profit - C. H. Williams

Supernatural 3.03 - Bad Day at Black Rock

The Velveteen Rabbit -  Margery Williams

Supernatural 3.09 - Malleus Maleficarum

Bugs Bunny - What’s Opera Doc 

Hobby Farmer's Handbook to Raising Rabbits for Meat - Candace Darnforth

…well, better than the alternative - Will Wood

Supernatural 15.10 - The Heroes’ Journey

Rabbit Will Run - Iron & Wine

Hunting Rabbits and Hares: The Complete Guide to North America’s Favorite Small Game - Richard P. Smith

Supernatural 14.14 - Oroborus (Draft)

Supernatural 1.20 - Dead Man’s Blood

Supernatural 2.14 - Born Under a Bad Sign

Raising Rabbits for Meat  - Eric Rapp & Callene Rapp

Supernatural 4.16 - On the Head of a Pin

Rabbits and hares in art - Wikipedia

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane - Kate DiCamillo

The Rabbit - New and Selected Poems: Volume One - Mary Oliver

[thoughtfulfoxllama]

The Holy Ghost

In Mormon Theology, the Holy Ghost is a vital principle. Joseph Smith taught that Baptism without Confirmation is useless, and at Confirmation, we receive the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is given to guide us throughout our lives, and is the source of Revelation. The Holy Ghost, despite not having a body, is considered a god, and will eventually receive a resurrected body

But, despite the essentiality of the Holy Ghost in Mormon Theology, we know next to little about it. Above is nearly all our information we know for sure. However, in the past two centuries of Mormonism's existence, there have been a few theories. But, before we can get to them, we need to understand the History

The History

In the Scriptural Record, we read that the Holy Ghost fell upon Adam when he performed sacrifices. We don't hear much about the Holy Ghost in the Old Testament (mainly about the blessings of having his Spirit, mainly as a collective and not individually) We next see the Spirit at the Baptism of Christ, when the Sign of the Dove is made manifest at the Baptism of Christ. Christ also prophecied that the Holy Ghost would come to his followers, a promise fulfilled at the Shavuot Festival after his Resurrection

In Abrahamic Faiths, the views of the Holy Ghost varried Jewish Rabbis in the Talmud said the Holy Ghost was not separate, but rather God acting in a specific role, as the spirit that inspired the Prophets of the Tanakh. The Word for Spirit in Hebrew is "Ruach," meaning breath, so the Holy Ghost is the Word of God (seen in the first instance, which roughly translated says "The Breath of God broods over the Chaos"). Some figures also connect the Holy Ghost to the Shekinah (who is viewed as the Divine Aspect of God in Jewish Thought and dwelled in the Temple until it fell. Although others say the Shekinah is God acting in a different role) In Gnostic Christianity, the Holy Ghost was Barbello. Barbello was the First Emination of God, the Supreme Feminine Principal, as ruled the realm Christ came from In Nicean Christianity, the Holy Ghost is the source of Spiritual Gifts and inspires the testimony of Christ. The Spirit is the Converter, the Comforter, the Advocate, and the Intercessor. Some Branches call it God's Vital Force (we act through our Spirits, so everything God does is through the Spirit), but this is not necessarily mainstream though In some Hadiths (Islamic Oral Traditions), the Holy Ghost is associated with the Archangel Gabriel. Whether they accept it or not, Muslims don't see the Holy Ghost as God, but a righteous servant who communicates with Humanity on his behalf

In the Restoration, the Holy Ghost recieves some interesting character development As early as 1830, Joseph Smith said that Baptism without Confirmation was useless, as it doesn't bestow the Holy Ghost In the Lectures on Faith, Joseph said that the Godhead was composed of only 2 Individuals, God the Father & Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit (not Holy Ghost. That comes up later) was the shared mind of these two In 1843, Joseph was in Ramus, Illinois. Here he said that a person cannot have the "personage of the Holy Ghost in his heart." He also received D&C 130 here, which is where he said the Holy Ghost is a personage of spirit (but the original draft included not being able to have the personage of the Holy Ghost in our hearts). This implies that, like in the Old Testament passages, the Spirit dwells with us as a People The King Follet Discourse led to a massive push in new ideas coming into the Church (the Adam-God Theory of Brigham being the most notable), but I have not been able to find much about the Holy Ghost in this era, aside from speculation that it's maybe Joseph Smith (but that was from Heber C Kimball, who I have thoughts about...) However, BH Roberts presented an interesting theory: The Holy Ghost & Holy Spirit are two different individuals. The Holy Ghost is the Member of the Godhead, and the Holy Spirit is the Light of Christ, the Sea of Intelligences we all came from, and is the Shared Mind of the Gods. As intriguing as this theory is, the Holy Ghost is technically never used in Scripture, it's always the Holy Spirit (in the Tanakh, it's the Ruach HaKodesh, or the Breath of God. In the New Testament, it's the Pneuma, which is just the Greek Word for Breath/Spirit). So either there is no Holy Ghost (and that means D&C 130 is wrong), or it's a more nuanced concept Today, the Common Belief doesn't go beyond the Holy Ghost is Unborn, and Male

Theories

Now, let's get to the Fun Bit, the Theories

-The Church's Theory: We don't know. We know absolutely nothing about the identity of the Holy Ghost

-Adam/Eve: As Joseph Smith said, creation began with a covenant between the Creator, Redeemer, and Testator. This is possibly represented in the Temple Endowment, with Elohim, Jehovah, and Michael falling into these roles (as Brigham Young suggested in his infamous 1852 Speech, where he also said Adam was Heavenly Father... Somehow). Admittedly, this was my theory for a while (it's the only way Adam-God makes even a bit of sense), but with Adam receiving the Holy Ghost in the Book of Moses, that seems unlikely. But, it's interesting the Line of Authority goes Heavenly Father -> Christ -> Adam (Michael) -> Noah (Gabriel). Even if Gabriel is the Holy Ghost, like some Islamic Hadiths hold, why is Adam above the Holy Ghost

-Joseph Smith: Popular in Fundamentalist Circles, partly for Multiple Probation Theory, and partly for Adam-God (if Adam is the Creator & Christ is the Redeemer, then Joseph is the Testator). This was shared through the Church, by members such as Heber C Kimball, but was contradicted by other Apostles (Orson Pratt called out members who taught that very thing as early as 1845). It contradicts D&C 130 (Joseph wasn't a personage of Spirit when he wrote it...) But it is popular because Lorin Wooley (who is pretty wacky IMO) stated it when he talked about the 1888 Revelation, and it was furthered by Joseph Musser. Rulon Allred went on to say some confusing stuff, but the gist of it is that Joseph Smith wasn't the Holy Ghost, who is infinite beyond comprehension, but is a representation of it. He also brought the idea of Gods in the Mortal World & Gods in the Spiritual World, and Michael (who is Heavenly Father in the Mortal World according to him) is the Holy Ghost in the Spiritual World

-Unborn: The Holy Ghost has never been embodied, and will probably be the last person born on the earth

-Calling: This theory states that it is a calling to be a Holy Ghost and that there are many (but, like how Christ was acting in the Name of the Father, these ministering spirits are all under the title of "Holy Ghost"). Like the Joseph Smith theory, the Presiding Holy Ghost might be the Dispensation Head

-Jesus' Wife: The Idea that Jesus's wife is the Holy Ghost is certainly a compelling one, as it would play with Contrasts (Resurrected vs Dead, Male vs Female, etc). But given the Pentacost, it seems unlikely that it is his wife or the Virgin Mary (another concept I've heard, but it doesn't explain Simeon's Testimony or Anna's Prophecy)

-We are all the Holy Ghost: Perhaps the most controversial on this list is the idea that the Holy Ghost isn't anyone outside of us. If we take BH Roberts's theory as true, then we all began as a part of the Light of Christ and were split off to become individuals. So, Confirmation, in this theory, is the Spirit of the Person awakening to their Divine Nature and becoming a Holy Ghost. Every inspiration we receive is not an outside source speaking to us but our deepest nature (and as the Light of Christ is the Shared Mind of the Gods, anything we feel is being told to us from God can still come from him because, as I said, it is a shared mind) In addition, we all covenant to "Stand as a Witness of God in all times, in all things, in all places." So, that would make us all Testators. And it fits with the Adam is the Holy Ghost Theory, as Adam means Mankind, and in the Temple, we are told to see ourselves as Adam (so if Adam is the Holy Ghost, and we're all Adam, we're all Holy Ghosts)

Conclusion

Ultimately, I don't think we'll ever really know, not until the resurrection at least. But it is fun to think about, to speculate on

[dweemeister]

Whenever you feel alone, just remember that those kings will always be there to guide you. And so will I.

Born to a turbulent family on a Mississippi farm, James Earl Jones passed away today. He was ninety-three years old. Abandoned by his parents as a child and raised by a racist grandmother (although he later reconciled with his actor father and performed alongside him as an adult), the trauma of his childhood developed into a stutter that followed him through his primary school years – sometimes, his stutter was so debilitating, he could not speak at all. In high school, Jones found in an English teacher someone who found in him a talent for written expression, and encouraged him to write and recite poetry in class. He overcame his stutter by graduation, although the effects of it carried over for the remainder of his life.

Jones' most accomplished roles may have been on the Broadway stage, where he won three Tonys (twice winning Best Actor in a Play for originating the lead roles in 1969's The Great White Hope by Howard Sackler and 1987's Fences by August Wilson) and was considered one of the best Shakespearean actors of his time.

But his contributions to cinema left an impact on audiences, too. Jones received an Honorary Academy Award alongside makeup artist Dick Smith (1972's The Godfather, 1984's Amadeus) in 2011. From the end of Hollywood's Golden Age to the dawn of the summer Hollywood blockbuster in the 1970s to the present, Jones' presence – and his basso profundo voice – could scarcely be ignored. Though he could not sing like Paul Robeson nor had the looks of Sidney Poitier, his presence and command put him in league of both of his acting predecessors.

Ten of the films James Earl Jones appeared in, whether in-person or voice acting, follow (left-right, descending):

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) – directed by Stanley Kubrick; also starring Peter Sellers, George C. Scott, Sterling Hayden, Keenan Wynn, and Slim Pickens

The Great White Hope (1970) – directed by Martin Ritt; also starring Jane Alexander, Chester Morris, Hal Holbrook Beah Richards, and Moses Gunn

Star Wars saga (1977-2019; A New Hope pictured) – multiple directors, as the voice of Darth Vader, also starring Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Peter Cushing, Alec Guinness, Billy Dee Williams, Anthony Daniels, David Prowse, Kenny Baker, Peter Mayhew, and Frank Oz

Claudine (1974) – directed by John Berry; also starring Diahann Carroll, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, and Tamu Blackwell

Conan the Barbarian (1982) – directed by John Milius; also starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sandahl Bergman, Ben Davidson, Cassandra Gaviola, Gerry Lopez, Mako, Valerie Quennessen, William Smith, and Max von Sydow

Coming to America series (1988 and 2021; original pictured) – multiple directors; also starring Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall, John Amos, Madge Sinclair, Shari Headley, Jermaine Fowler, Leslie Jones, Tracy Morgan, and KiKi Layne

The Hunt for Red October (1990) – directed by John McTiernan; also starring Sean Connery, Alec Baldwin, Scott Glenn, and Sam Neill

The Sandlot (1993) – directed by David Mickey Evans; also staring Tom Guiry, Mike Vitar, Patrick Renna, Chauncey Leopardi, Marty York, Brandon Adams, Grant Gelt, Shane Obedzinski, Victor DiMattia, Denis Leary, and Karen Allen

The Lion King (1994) – directed by Roger Allers and Rob Minkoff, as the voice of Mufasa; also starring Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Matthew Broderick, Jeremy Irons, Moira Kelly, Niketa Calame, Ernie Sabella, Nathan Lane, and Robert Guillaume, Rowan Atkinson, Whoopi Goldberg, Cheech Marin, Jim Cummings, and Madge Sinclair

Field of Dreams (1989) – directed by Phil Alden Robinson; also starring Kevin Costner, Amy Madigan, Ray Liotta, and Burt Lancaster