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gizmocrate-werecrow · 11 months ago

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Mystery monster theatre 3000: Human nature (part one)

(yeah there’s a title now! It’ll still be tagged mst3k monster au though, collab with @classicrocker2000)

Even though the episode recording had started, there was a missing cast member. Joel Robinson, castaway, vampire and father walked into Cambot’s view as Tom was on the table wearing a newsboy's cap and holding up a missing poster with Crow’s face on it.

“Now, where are you, Crow? Crow? Croooow? Where are you?” Joel called out. He noticed Cambot and took a deep breath.

“Hi, welcome to the satellite of love. I’m Joel Robinson, and over there is Tom Servo. You see, Crow has gone missing, and we’re looking all over for him. Crow! Oh great Peabody and Sherman are calling.” Joel said, pressing the mads button.

Down in Deep Thirteen, Crow had a gag in his voice pin and was tied to a chair, around Crow’s neck was a cream coloured scarf that Joel recognised as his own. Crow struggled against his bonds that were being tied by TV’s Frank, who then picked up the chair and placed Crow into a cylinder device with an antenna attached to it at the top

“There’s Crow!“ Tom said. Joel on the other hand was fuming, silently mouthing words that he would never say aloud to his robots or on camera.

Forrester walked into frame, holding a controller that Joel assumed was connected to the device. The mad scientist then looked up with some mock surprise. “Hello boobie, we had to borrow your robot for this one invention, I hope you don’t mind.” Forrester said with some sarcasm to it.

Joel didn’t say anything, instead he cleared his voice, trying to keep the anger down.

“I will go first just this once, as a vampire the hardest part of feeding on a person is that when you bite down on a neck, it can get a bit messy. What I have here today is a device that will make feeding a lot easier. Since I don’t have a human body, this blood sausage will make a good substitute for the demonstration.” Joel said, raising up the syringe attached to a small vacuum cleaning bag. He jabbed the syringe into the sausage and pulled the plunger. Tom looked aside to Cambot with some concern.

In mere moments, the sausage was drained of all of its blood.

“What do you think sirs?”

In Deep 13, Dr Forrester and Tv’s Frank looked at each other in shock. The silence was only broken by Crow’s struggles against his bonds.

“In all my time, there has never been an invention that you made that I wish I invented. That is so diabolically evil.” Dr Forrester said in shock.

“What do you mean it’s evil? It’s just an easier way to suck blood out of someone and wait… I haven’t fed yet.”

Dr Forrester slapped TV’s Frank at the back of the head. He then smiled.

“My invention today is a teleporter that will make your deliveries much much better. Behold the teleporter that can only teleport inorganic matter.”

“That seems kind of nice? What is the catch? Why can’t you send organic things?” Joel said.

Dr Forrester smiled wickedly.

“Ever seen The Fly robinson?”

Joel nodded.

“So that means…” Joel started.

“Food still has to be delivered naturally.” TV’s Frank piped in. He snacted the teleportation device’s controller out of Forrester’s hands and touched a few buttons, the cylinder closed while Crow struggled against his bonds. Steam hissed out from the cylinder and the lights flickered rapidly before conking out. Crow appeared on the SOL, he stood around woozily before Joel took the gag out.

“J-Joel, I don’t feel so good, can I sit out this movie?” Crow said. Crow walked off and off to his room. He groaned and moaned and opened his room door, tossing the beige scarf to the floor.

Crow fell into his bed which was stiff as a board and would be uncomfortable for humans but he was no man.

He was a robot.

Then the pain began.

—

Tom and Joel finished the episode with defeated looks. With one man down, the film was a tiny bit harder to get through. Joel laid down on the floor and Tom hovered over to Crow’s room, knocked on the door with his dome and waited.

“Don’t come in Tom! I’m hideous!” Crow said.

“Not listening! I’m coming in!” Tom said in a sing-song voice that he usually did in the movies. He nudged the door open and looked around. Tom looked at the bed which looked kind of Crow shaped.

The blankets moved a bit, and instead of Crow, it was a kid who looked around 15 years old. He had dirty blond hair and looked like Joel a little bit, but the differences were there such as wide golden eyes and a slight gap in his teeth.

“L-l-look away please…I’m hideous.”

“Crow?! Is that you?!” Tom yelled. He swiveled over to Crow and stared at him. “You’re all fleshy and human!”

Crow hid under the blankets again. “I can’t let anyone see me like this! Please!”

“O-Okay, umm…do you want me to get Joel? Maybe GPC?”

Crow nodded. He curled up underneath the blankets. In all his time being alive Tom had never seen Crow like that, he was always snarky and confident, but this seemed the exact opposite. He was just a kid.

Tom swiveled out. Leaving Crow to take in his new self.

First of all, his arms worked. Well that was a given since he was a human now. He also had hair that curled slightly at the ends. If Crow had to give a strike against his new situation, it was that he could probably no longer be blown up and walk it off. He’d just be dead. Existential dread quickly set in and Crow whimpered. He really was a human now…

“Now Tom, you really must be pulling my legs if you’re claiming Crow is human.” Crow could hear Joel outside his room.

“I saw it with my own eyes!” Tom protested as the door opened. Crow buried himself deeper into the blankets. Even though he was used to being naked before, right now he just felt…he couldn’t understand. What was it called? Embarrassment?

A blast of cold air hit Crow’s face as Joel lifted the blanket slightly.

“….hey Joel,” Crow solemnly said. “Can you get me something to wear?”

Joel dropped the blanket back over Crow’s face as he tried to process what he’d just seen. He saw a human face instead of Crow’s. Whatever the mads did, they did the impossible.

Joel wasted no time in running back to his room for a spare jumpsuit. He took out a brown jumpsuit that brought him back to when Dr. Edheart was still around and Tom had his first voice. It wasn’t much, but he was sure it would fit Crow. How did the Mads even manage it?! They’d changed Crow’s entire molecular and anatomical makeup!

For now though, Joel tried to suppress his rage. Crow needed him. Save that rage for the mads.

In a flash, he ran back to Crow’s room. He opened the door and tossed the jumpsuit in.

“What’s gonna happen to Crow?” Tom asked as Joel shut the door.

“He’s going to have to adjust until we can fix this.” Joel said, storming to the front of the ship after scooping up Tom.

Even though he didn’t really want to call, Joel touched the call mads button. He wanted answers. Now. He saw his bosses sitting down and eating dinner as if they haven’t commited something as dire as using one of his robots as a test subject for an invention.

“Excuse me, Sirs? What did you do to Crow? He’s a human.”

“So what? The teleportation experiment was a success!” Dr Forrester proudly said.

“Experiment! Is that what you care about?!”Joel bellowed.

Joel could see Dr Forrester and TV’s Frank look shocked,he couldn’t remember a time when he really yelled at them. It was always polite to treat your superiors nicely, even if one of them did shoot you into space with no intention of getting you down.

But this? This was something else.

They’d hurt one of his bots.

The gloves were off.

“Cambot? Can you stop recording please?” Joel said with a hint of anger. The bot obliged, it’s red dot turning off.

“What did we do wrong? We just borrowed one of your robots for a bit.” TV’s Frank said.

Joel clenched his fist. Gosh darn it he almost wanted to punch him! Tv’s Frank knew what he did wrong! They both knew what they did! Playing dumb wasn't going to get them far!

“You two know exactly what you did! He’s completely scared out of his wits because of it!” Joel seethed.

“Well umm you see there might’ve been some human DNA in the teleporter.” Dr Forrester nervously said.

“You mean he got mixed with human DNA? How is that even possible when he didn’t have any human DNA to begin with?!”

“Joel?” Crow asked. The jumpsuit was big enough on Crow that the sleeves hid his hands. He was wearing a cream coloured scarf that he knitted as a Christmas gift for Joel. His golden eyes staring up at Joel. He bounced up and down impatiently and had an impatient pout.

“Look what you did to him. Besides, wouldn't people start asking questions if there’s suddenly two humans on the SOL?” Joel said, gesturing to Crow.

“Ehh I was hoping he’d look more like me…” Forrester muttered. He quickly went quiet once Joel glared at him.

“Fine, we’ll fix it, but you have to go through another movie. Mark my words Robinson, it will be a doozy. Apparently, we can’t air the Son of Godzilla episode due to ‘rights’,” Dr. Forrester said.

“We can handle whatever you throw at us,” Joel said, his eyes narrowing. “We’ve survived slime people and mad monsters, rock climbing and sidehacking, pod people and Ator. We have survived it all.”

“Yeah! Bring it on!” Crow said before covering his mouth and slinking out of the picture in embarrassment, his cheeks burning red.

TV’s Frank whispered in Dr Forrester’s ear. A sinister smirk crawled onto both of their faces.

“Frank, that is the perfect bit of schlock to break them with. Ta ta Joel.”

Then the screen flickered off.

Great

Now, where did Crow go off to again?

—

Crow looked in the mirror and touched his reflection, he was going to get used to this huh?

If Crow had to be honest, he looks great! The gold eyes really make it pop!

But now he was of flesh and bone. He had to… Crow tensed up at the sound of the door opening, he wanted to bury himself into the covers again because of how hideous he was, he dug himself under the blankets and waited for the words. What was this? Why did he think one moment he was hot shit and the next the most terrifying thing to walk this satellite? Crow shuddered as footsteps approached his bed.

“I knew I would find you in here.”

Crow poked his head back out of the blankets to see Joel.

“H-hey J-J-joel..sorry…”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about. You’ve got us.”

“...Even though I’m all fleshy and gross now?”

“Crow, the mads are working on a way to make you a robot again,” Joel said.

“Do you think they can actually do it?

“I’m sure they can Crow. Besides, if TV’s Frank can come back every time he’s killed, I’m sure Dr. Forrester can make you a robot again. Until then, I will have to teach you things such as brushing teeth and hair.” Joel smiled.

Crow shook at the thought of trying out human stuff. He watched Joel do human things before and that didn’t look appealing.

“Do I really have to learn, I’ll be back to normal soon.”

”It might take a week, it might take a month, i want to be sure you don't mess up until that day comes.”

Crow somehow felt reassured by that, he wanted to say a snarky comment like his programming dictated but wait, he wasn’t a robot anymore, he was a human, humans don’t have programming that gave them impeccable comedic timing or what not. Oh no.

What if he never became a robot again? What were these thoughts?! He didn’t like this! He didn’t want to be a human forever.

Crow could feels something wellup on his face, he raised his hand to touch the wetness that formed on his face.

Tears.

(Yeah it’s pretty big, like dear god that’s a lot)

#fanfic #mst3k #crow t robot #tom servo #joel robinson #Tv’s frank #mst3k monster au #dr forrester

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