#cassie is terrified of commitment i think

[khaleesiie]

slender fingers tighten around the edge of the table as markus speaks, her mind races, but she forces herself to focus on his words. she'd have to check on cal later, makes a mental note to do so after dinner. " do we know that ? it's not that simple, markus, " the blonde points out with a shake of her head. " derek's her husband, they were married for years. " she'd been at their wedding, witnessed the love they once shared, the way derek had looked at cal like she was the only person in the world. that love, no matter how imperfect it was, had always been real. " she deserves to be happy, though. and if nate's who makes her happy, then yeah, but it's her choice. " she reminds him, glancing down at her hands for a second.

shoulders rise into a shrug at the question, "apparently." at least thats what he'd been told. "they'd just left her with him when i ran into our gate guard." his relationship with cassie might have been short lived, but the man couldn't help but thank his lucky stars that he hadn't been put into the situation that the others now were facing. "hasn't gotten back yet. what a little gift for him to come back to after being stuck out in this weather," the man scoffs harshly. "just as a forewarning, i'm throwing myself behind supporting cal's relationship with nathan. i'm sure her ex was a decent enough guy, but that relationships in the past. you and i both know that she's better of with nate."

[heavcnslyre]

chapter one - j.f. ( masterlist )

GORGEOUS.

“ocean blue eyes looking in mine,

i feel like i might sink and drown and die”

the air outside was cold, which was shocking for a mid-june morning. you were awake early, as you often were since you preferred to be productive in the mornings, but today it was for a different reason. you had barely slept all night. this morning, you were returning to susannah’s beach house in cousins. you looked forward to this day every year, and it was always just as special every time it came around.

“you all ready?” a voice breaks your silence as laurel peaks her head out the front door, watching you sit on the porch swing. you smile at her.

“definitely,” you say. “coffee on the counter, did you see it?”

she walks over to you and gives you a kiss on the forehead. “i did. thank you. now get your bag in the car, we’ll leave in twenty.”

“can i drive?” you ask, following her inside. she shakes her head.

“already told steven he could.”

as she says it, steven comes down the stairs and ruffles your hair as he walks past you. “sorry!”

“no you’re not,” you grumble, turning away to grab your bags. you had just gotten your license less than a month ago but steven has had his for months, so he usually got first dibs on driving. you usually didn’t mind, but the drive to cousins was special to you, and you would have loved to be able to make the drive yourself. not driving, you thought, would at least give you more time to prepare. although, you would have appreciated the distraction. this year felt different. you felt different. you weren’t really sure if it was a good different or not.

part of you was terrified, for some reason. most summers, you went to cousins completely disconnected from the world back at home. cousins was it’s own world, in your mind. the people, the house, the entire atmosphere, it was magical. it absolutely transported you, and you let it. this year, you had a connection to back home. your boyfriend, peter. you and him started dating two months ago after your best friend cassie introduced you to him, and things have been incredible ever since. if you were honest, you had never really committed to a guy before him, but it seemed to be working out well so far. the reason why you were terrified, you figured, was because this trip to cousins could change that. jeremiah fisher could change that.

you had talked to plenty of guys, even dated a few for a couple weeks or so, but as soon as jeremiah fisher comes around, you lose sight of everything — and everyone — around you. he somehow has that effect on you, and he has your whole life. but you do really like peter, so you told yourself you wouldn’t ruin something good for yourself again, just because you’ve always been waiting for jeremiah. you’ve made a fool of yourself enough over the years, attempting to get closer to him as he flirts with everyone in the world, that you know it was time to change something.

you just hope that you’ll be able to stick to it.

“(y/n),” you’re woken up by your sister belly poking your side, “(y/n), you’re drooling on me.”

you groggily open your eyes and stretch, moving away from her, “sorry bells.”

“s’kay,” she yawns. “we’re almost there, anyways. and your phones been blowing up. all from peter,” she says the last part teasingly, pushing your phone towards you. you laugh as you unlock your phone, seeing that she was right, and peter had texted you seven times.

peter: good morning!!

peter: sorry ik you’ve probably been up for hours

peter: omg and youre probably almost to the beach already

peter: miss u already

peter: there’s a party tomorrow night i was thinking about going to if that’s okay with you

peter: cassie’s gonna be there and stuff and you know i’ll be thinking about you forever so you’d have nothing to worry about

peter: just let me know if you’re comfortable with it okay?

you: oh my peter

you: you don’t need my permission to go have fun!!! of course you can go to the party :)

you: just text me and keep me updated okay? and make sure there’s a DD

peter: of course. you’re the best!

you: 🤍🤍

you smile at your phone and as soon you look back up, you were entering cousins. you didn’t realize how long you had slept for, but as soon as you saw the sign, your heart skipped a beat. you were back. you were back, and everything was good, including your lovely boyfriend back home. this summer was going to be perfect, you just knew it. your fears from this morning were fading and you decided that no matter what happens, you’re going to be okay. you’re going to have a great summer.

“did susannah get a new car?” steven asks as he pulls the car into the driveway of the house. laurel nods, a small smile forming on her face as the house comes into few. the same smile was present on everyone’s faces in the car. this place was so special to all of you.

“yeah, she gets bored with her cars easily,” laurel finally says, a hint of distaste in her voice. “she just likes to change things often.”

steven was barely listening and was halfway out of the car by the time laurel was done talking. his eyes were set on susannah, who was standing at the doorway, watching your car pull in. she looked as beautiful and radiant as ever, and even more so, especially since it was obvious that she was healthier now than she was last summer. her hair got longer and the glow on her face was back, lighting up her eyes and giving her the most approachable demeanor possible. she was perfect.

you get out of the car shortly after steven, and follow him up the steps to hug susannah tightly. she rubs your back as she hugs you. “oh sweet (y/n), you beautiful girl. i’m so happy to see you.”

“i’ve missed you so much,” you say back, and she gives you another squeeze before letting you go and hugging laurel. you look down by the car at steven, who was now talking to jeremiah, who had his back to you. your breath caught in your throat when you saw him, but you shook it off. that was not what this was going to be. he was one of your best friends, your family. that was all. that didn’t stop your heart rate from speeding up the second that he turned around and your eyes met his beautiful, bright blue ones. his face softened as soon as he saw you, but his smile remained just as wide. you move towards him and he watches you, his eyes never leaving yours as you approach him.

“(y/n),” he says, looking you up and down and grinning. “you look different.”

you knit your eyebrows and look down at yourself. “good different?”

jeremiah laughs. “always good.”

you giggle and wrap your arms around his neck and he pulls you into a close hug. you take in his scent, a mix of saltwater and his vanilla cologne, the one that conrad and steven have always made fun of him for. they always say it makes him smell too girly. you have always thought he smelled perfect.

“i have so much to tell you,” jeremiah says as you pull away from the hug. “this summer is going to be amazing!”

“i can’t wait,” you grin. the two of you always spent the first night sitting on the beach after dinner, talking all night. he would fill you in on his school year, and you would fill him in on yours. it usually ended with both of you in the ocean and sandy, but it was always one of your favorite traditions.

as you turn away from jeremiah, belly rushes out of the car and pulls him into a hug and he spins her around. your eyes catch on conrad, who had just rounded the corner of the house, and was staring at them. he meets your eye and smiles sheepishly, knowing that you had caught him. you smile and go pull him into a tight hug. “hey connie.”

“hey (y/n). it’s good to see you,” he says. as you pull apart, his eyes are caught on belly again, who is staring at him this time, too. you smile at the sight and push conrad towards her gently. the corner of his mouth slightly turns up and he walks to her as you walk back over to jeremiah and steven, who were giggling to themselves. when jeremiah sees you walking towards them, he waves you over quickly.

“belly flop time,” he says, a wide grin on his face. you laugh.

“yes!” the three of you walk towards conrad and belly, who were laughing with each other, seemingly in their own world.

“hey, i don’t know about you guys but…” steven pretends to check his nonexistent watch on his wrist. “i think it’s time…for a…belly flop!”

belly squeals as the boys grab her, conrad carrying her by her armpits and the other two grabbing her feet. you giggle and lead the way, opening the gate to the pool and letting them pass through. you and the boys count down from three and they throw belly in the water. you all laugh as she flails around, her clothes completely soaked. your smile fades as the boys turn to you, mischievous smiles on their faces. “no.”

“it’s not fair to only throw belly in there, is it?” steven says innocently. you shake your head and attempt to run away, but before you can, jeremiah has his arms wrapped around your waist and lifts you effortlessly in the air. steven and conrad help him and grab your legs, counting down from three just like they did with belly. she dove out of the way as the boys throw you into the water. luckily, the water was warm, and while the feeling of your wet clothes was uncomfortable on your skin, the water was quite refreshing. belly giggles as you swim towards her and pull her into a hug, but in the hug, you whisper in her ear. “let’s get back at them?”

she nods as if she read your mind, and when you pull apart and begin to approach the edge, she’s suddenly struggling. “wait, wait guys, my ankle.”

“what’s wrong belly?” conrad asks. she continues struggling in staying afloat.

“i…i hurt my ankle i think. i cant walk on it,” she reaches her arm out to conrad. “help me out.”

he reaches out, and as their hands connect she pulls him into the water and the other boys burst out in laughter, jeremiah doubling over in laughter with his hands on his knees. taking advantage of this moment, you grab his hands and pull him into the water too, completely catching him off guard as he falls into the water next to you. now steven is standing on the edge, struggling to breathe from laughing so hard. “no way they got both of you!”

jeremiah flips his hair out of his face and looks up at steven. “c’mon steven, waters nice! you don’t wanna be left out, do you?”

steven shakes his head, still laughing. “i think i’ll survive being left out today. these shoes were expensive.”

“lame!” jeremiah calls out as steven walks towards the house, his laughter still echoing in the air. jeremiah turns his attention to you and swims over to you, grabbing your waist and spinning you around. “i’ll get you back for pulling me in here.”

you laugh. “sure you will. c’mon, let’s go dry off for dinner.”

he hops out of the side of the pool and offers an arm to help you out. he pulls you out of the pool with ease. “race you upstairs?”

“that sounds dangerous,” you say. “wet feet on tile and hardwood floor? with your clumsiness?”

he mocks offense. “you think i’m clumsy? ridiculous.”

“jere, you tripped over a penny on the beach last summer,” you say. “and i don’t think we’ve had a summer here where we haven’t had to bring you to the e.r. from some injury.”

“the sand is trippy!” he claims. “and i just live an adventurous lifestyle. which is why i’m totally beating you upstairs.”

“better catch me first!” you say and immediately take off sprinting, up the stairs to the porch and through the sliding glass doors, which you attempt to close in front of jeremiah, who caught up with you quickly. carefully, you run through the house but the slippery floors really did make it difficult. soon, you’re halfway up the stairs and jeremiah is right behind you, laughing. “you’re such a cheater!”

“i’m just smarter than you!” you yell as you approach your bedroom, which was right next to his. he shakes his head.

“no way. just a cheater,” he grins at you one more time as he enters his bedroom, closing the door behind him. you walk into yours as well, your head spinning from the first thirty minutes you had spent here. jeremiah made everything around you feel insignificant and you felt like you were floating when he touched you. and for the first time in your life, you hated the feeling. you were with peter now. you had to focus on peter, not jeremiah.

it was hard to do that when you were spending the next two months living with him, your rooms right next to each other, and the walls thin enough that you could hear everything in each others rooms. whenever he played music, you heard every word. every conversation, every ounce of laughter, every time either of you cried. it was good, having a close connection to him, but you knew it was just going to make things so much harder.

[wikitpowers]

things i want to happen in twp:

lots (and i mean lots) of carstairs-gray-herondale family time moments - give me family walks, picnics, parent-teacher nights, family cookie baking, jessa training their kiddos

ty to be the first kiss initiator (+ angry, passionate kiss!!!!!!)

DRU TO BE THE BIGGEST MF BADASS (i wanna see this woman fucking up some demons, talking back to teachers at the academy, making ash's life h e l l before they admit their feelings)

lucifer to be fucking terrifying and the best villain

dru finding out about ash keeping the drawing of her all these years (we love a simp)

tessa and jem helping kit w/ his powers!!!

ash and kit as besties (like they have bff friendship bracelets)

kit asking julian for his blessing of kitty (because i think that would be fucking adoroble and jules would be so happy for his brother im)

TO SEE THULE!KIT (if he sacrifices himself, i will literally bawl)

ty to give kit a blackthorn heirloom to show his commitment

MANY scenes in faerie (it’s such a cool location!)

to have sebastian come back from the dead as green-eyed jonathan and for him to protect ash, clary and jace like a maniac

CLACE WEDDING AND TMI (AND TDA) COUPLES CRUMBS

THAIS AND ANUSH AND JAIME POVS (i'm begging, cassie) + rio, mumbai & mexico city institutes showed!

jace and kit relationship development with jace being the cool big bro (i also need to see jace ruffling kit's hair don't ask why)

ty's classical music playlist to be revealed...

insane enemies-to-lovers vibes from morgenthorn (and i mean insane)

herongraystairs reunion to not be too painful please *tears in my eyes* (but ik it will be)

[corvuscorona]

The best thing about birthdays, all the time but ESPECIALLY in adulthood, is the opportunity they give you to really commit to a Themed Celebration of some kind.

I'm in adulthood + it was my birthday recently, and also, about 6 months before that birthday, @2000sanimeop & I were driven permanently insane by Stranger of Paradise, so obviously the only reasonable course of action was to invent an Astos-themed cocktail, learn to make edible crystals (for cake decorations), make burgers with squid-ink brioche buns, accidentally find a real recipe for a joke "what if tater tots were cube-shaped" idea we had at like 11:00 at night one time, and completely, fully go to town, all weekend, on manifesting The Jackstos Meal physically in our home.

(Art by @2000sanimeop)

Please allow me to sell you on the KING OF THE DARK ELVES.

First & most importantly, it tastes fucking amazing. Having chosen ingredients based mostly on wishes + vibes, I wasn't sure what to expect, exactly, but between the berry flavor of the cassis, the orange in the curaçao, & whatever arcane bullshit is going on with the indigo gin, the final product tastes impressively like bubbly sangria.

Secondly: one (1) of these things is enough, which feels appropriate, somehow. An Astos cocktail should be powerous, I think, & this POTION of a drink fits the bill.

It's elegant. It's over-the-top. There is so much alcohol in it. I cannot recommend the KING OF THE DARK ELVES enough.

If you can't find Astos-themed cocktail picks, homemade is fine.

[ Gold North Star Charm ] ☆ [ gold jump rings, any ] ☆ [ Circle Top Cocktail Picks ]

Now, about the crystals.

They're strawberry-flavored! We used this recipe for kohakutō, which uses just sugar, water, agar agar [1], food coloring, and flavor extract (plus citric acid, if you feel like it).

[1] Ignore what it says about having to use the one specific brand of agar agar. What they mean is that this recipe is written for agar agar with no included sugar; if there's sugar in the brand that's most available to you, just do math about it! (Sorry. It will work, though.)

It took a couple of hours to cut the crystal shapes, but it was enjoyable, meditative work, and the candy itself doesn't take long to make at all. We got strawberry flavoring specifically for candy-making, which came in very very cute small tiny bottles, at Michael's.

(The Birthday Soul Burst Cheesecake was orange-flavored, and also purple. This gave it an effect not unlike those skittles where the colors don't "match" the flavors, or a mystery flavor airhead, or some other Trick Food. It was awesome. Look at this thing!!)

But, hey, now that we know everything about the crystals...

Are those cubes?

(Yes.) There is a real, existing recipe, on our real internet, for cubes made out of grated russet potatoes. I made them. It was pretty easy, but if I had to do it again, I'd start earlier in the day (the "freeze the slab of cooked potato shreds before cutting it into cube shapes" step, while not strictly necessary, would have made it easier to get clean lines), and I'd probably try replacing the potato starch with a slurry of potato starch and water. I've used the slurry method for sweet potato fries in the past, and it gives them a really nice, crispy coating.

( I would, however, stick to my guns as far as "refusing to deep-fry them" goes. Nobody should have to deep-fry anything on their birthday. Also, I was correct to add some dried thyme and parsley while I was initially cooking the shreds. )

(Art by @2000sanimeop)

Overall, the Cubes were a good first attempt, and made an appropriate side to eat with the Burger of Darkness [2]. The little glass cauldron of terrifying red slop, to the left of the plate in the photo above, is of course Jack's Chaos Sauce [3].

[2] A normal burger, except that the bun was made with squid ink. My household is split 50/50 on whether this made it taste weird or not, but it LOOKED fantastic. Incidentally, if you're like me 1 calendar year ago & think burgers might be kind of a pain in the ass to cook indoors, check out this method from smittenkitchen. (The Burger of Darkness is topped with Colby-Jack (lol) cheese, dijon mustard, and the pickled red onions on this page, also smittenkitchen.) [3] I know what you're thinking. "What could that possibly fucking mean?" Well, it means that I combined mayonnaise, white vinegar, and S&B crunchy garlic topping, which are all 3 of the ingredients for a dipping sauce I have made in the past for also sweet potato fries, and then I added red food coloring until it looked scary and bad. It tasted perfectly acceptable, but dealt psychic damage to everyone present. I recommend trying this. For fun.

The skull-shaped cocktail picks, I bought on a whim well before I knew what I was ever going to do with them. I like to think that this was fate, speaking to me via deeply mysterious channels, as usual.

They now live with the Astos picks, in my cupboard, where I can easily reach them anytime I feel like it, which I hope will be often & for every possible reason.

🥳 💀 ✨

[walker-extended-universe]

I'm worried about Cordi and that scene with him and Auggie broke my heart

I was begging Stella to go to 'Duke' Dad before she or Auggie gets hurt

I'm starting to slightly warm up to Luna (I still don't trust)

I'm really terrified for the kids

Also my Nemo plushie was giving me puppy eyes while I was watching the episode

I'm worried about him too </3 I'm glad he's started being honest with himself but I think James is going to force him to take a break and that might be for the best

Stella needs to go to Dad about this. There's an active threat now and if she doesn't get that necklace, the whole family is at risk. I respect how much investigating she's done already but it's just too dangerous at this point.

I have a lot of questions about Luna too. It's nice that he's so committed to Cassie already but it does make me worry about his lifespan a bit.

I'm worried for everyone ;-;

Awwwwww

Speaking of puppy eyes, I love how Cordell folded when August said "Please" about the photography assignment. Like father like son.

[star-going-supernova]

I'm not sure if he's out of the picture in that way, but Cassie definitely implies that he he's gone missing for whatever reason. This is just from what I remember, so i may be wrong though 😂.

Vanessa has always struck me as the type of person to adopt as an older sibling but usually people adopt as parents so that's where my head was at with that, but i definitely agree that she just doesn't exactly vibe with the title of mom. She's more along the lines of cool older sister who has definitely committed to drinking at least 5 cups of coffee every day.

But she always gives off that vibe anyway.

On a different note, ghost kids au!

Ness has at one point had to stop people, usually teenagers, from breaking into the Plex to use a Ouija board. She usually scares the shit out of them by making noises in the tunnels so that they echo and has perfected a very terrifying shriek that she uses when she really has had it with them.

The ducklings think it's hilarious and dayshift always ends up hearing about the Plex being haunted by the end of the week. Nobody stays if they aren't the nightshift because they're terrified of the idea of what happens after dark. Also because Ness is intimidating and the last person to try ended up dipping because the ducklings got grumpy.

Vanessa leaning into the hauntings and shrieking at trespassers to scare them off is amazing! Of course the ducklings think it's hilarious, maybe they even give her tips and stuff, lol.

I also really like the general idea that if you don't leave after someone pretends to haunt you, then you get for-real haunted by actual ghosts, askjdhkflsd

[lycankeyy]

Since I'm following the fnaf sun and moon tags I've been seeing some discussion of Sun's characterization in HW2 and while im a lurker I HAVE been sitting on thoughts on the DCA since SB dropped so I might as well put down my two cents (also spoilers for the secret ending)

It's been my opinion since literally SB came out that one of the primary effects of the "virus", should it exist, is that it exaggerates negative personality traits. It's honestly been rly fun seeing people also come to this conclusion over the past 24 hours LMAO. While I think it's primary focus was to corrupt the animatronics' security protocols so they would attack people on sight, the personality altering was an added side effect. (Added note: this is also my explanation for why Sun isn't aggressive in SB, Sun's security protocol is Moon)

So while Roxy's low self-esteem has turned into her being so obsessed with attention she'll kill you if you don't Stare at her, Monty's rocker attitude has devolved into constant destructive rage, and Chica's obsession with food has gotten so bad she's now attacking people over it, I believe we're finally seeing more of how Sun was affected. I don't think he wasn't affected in SB - the way he grabs you and refuses to let you go anywhere, the fact that he can't even handle a small mess when he literally works at a daycare. It was subtle but there was some corruption there.

I think HW2 elaborates on this. Again we see his fixation on not letting you move, his hatred of messes (to the point of threatening or actually committing violence this time and destroying the art you make when its clear from his living spaces that he usually keeps art made in the daycare). He also gets very angry at you for taking a while to do things or getting things wrong. He actively discourages creativity. While this could be laughed off as Fazbear Ent being shitty per usual, we know that Sun actually was good at his current job at some point, so this is probably further alteration. I also think this minigame takes place some time before SB given how casually he threatens to set Moon on you if you annoy him enough LMAO. Clearly still a little freaked out by him but not enough to be completely terrified of transforming.

I also think worth noting is the probability that we're playing as an adult, specifically a technician (whether it be Vanessa or Cassie's dad). If Vanny has been tinkering with Moon for a while by that point (given the secret ending, it makes it clear that their relationship is one where Moon is Vanny's sentient tool to be used), I think Sun has very good reason to be sassy and passive-aggressive with technicians at this point, considering its heavily implied Moon hasn't always been the way he is now and also less-heavily implied that Sun enjoyed his other half's company at one point.

Long story short I think the virus (should it exist) is exaggerating Sun's traits of perfectionism and being controlling, likely leftovers from when he was a stage animatronic. And with or without that explanation, his behavior also makes sense if you assume he doesn't like technicians or adults in general.

But thats just a theory a personal interpretation theory like comment suscribe 👍

[liaromancewriter]

Cassie and Ethan’s Love Story

I often find people reach out to me about things I reference in different fics to see if they are connected. So thought I'd compile a resource guide for everyone.

Most of Cassie and Ethan’s story matches OPH Book 1, but it’s after that where I started to tweak and diverge based on what made more sense for me and the story I wanted to tell.

I also changed the background setting regarding Edenbrook’s fate since the original was implausible. Here’s why for Second Year and the setting for Third Year onward for all my stories (Cassie/Ethan and Maxenna).

Even though I tend to write one shot fics, text and pic fics, and mostly out of order depending on inspiration, all of my stories are connected and take place in the same universe/world that I’ve built for these characters. When it’s exception (like an ask), I’ll clearly mention it.

While I’ve linked to some (okay, most) of my fics, the main Masterlist is organized chronologically.

Both of them were smitten from the first moment, but neither was ready to admit to it. See First Impressions, First Day Jitters and Happiness Is…

Cassie starts to develop a serious crush around the time of the Roomies’ House Party (see Neurochemical Responses) and Ethan is in the same boat as Miami gets closer. See Out of Control.

Cassie knew Ethan was The One after Miami (we all know what happened there), but like canon, he was determined to keep his distance even though it hurt both of them. See Words We Never Say and A Week to Forget.

The diamond scenes from chapters 15 and 17 in Book 1 take place as canon and they’re both reluctant to let go once the night is over. See Operation Fight Back and Never Let Go. This is where I diverge.

One week after, Cassie reaches out to Ethan, and they agree to enter into a secret relationship. But given what happened with the ethics trial, he doesn’t want her to be censured again. So, they report to Naveen, who becomes her direct supervisor, and to HR. See Waiting for Dr. Ramsey.

Ethan does go to the Amazon in the last few weeks of her intern year, but he doesn’t run off without a word. They discuss it first and remain committed to each other throughout (but are miserable apart) and after his return. See Come Back to Me and Strictly Professional.

They are very circumspect at Edenbrook, but the Roomies know there’s a Mystery Man because she spends all her free time with him. Sienna eventually guesses that it’s Ethan but keeps their secret. Cassie originally doesn’t tell Max either (which is huge for her since she tells him everything) but does let him into the secret club when he visits Boston during the summer. See Spill the Tea, Date Night – Part 2 and Part 2 of Three Seasons With You from Maxenna’s story.

Cassie knows she’s in love with Ethan and isn’t afraid to tell him. He’s terrified to love anyone because of what happened in his childhood. It’s around this time that Louise reaches out to Alan Ramsey wanting to see Ethan. After a day of soul searching, he realizes that he is in love with her too. And the ILY happens. See Me Before You.

They both agree that being secret isn’t right for them and they want their family and close friends to know. They bring the Roomies & Hanger Ons into the secret club in Sunday Brunch and Ethan meets the Valentines in the mini-series Weekend in Newport.

From this moment on, they are completely together but remain circumspect in their professional lives. Neither is the kind to really kiss and tell, but still people do notice. However, no one can prove anything or get confirmation. See references to this in Forevermore.

The Falling Into Dust series covers the period after the poison attack. By this time, Ethan and Cassie have officially been in a relationship for about six months.

According to Cassie, their relationship began in Miami (see Paper Anniversary), but for Ethan it began after ethics trial. They both agree to disagree, but that conversation leads Cassie to realize that people still think they have a chance with Ethan (he has a lot of admirers) because they’re too discrete. 

What originally started as a joke (see Operation Cupcake) spirals out of control so that he makes a very public declaration in Rumor Has It. This is equivalent to the Hopeful Hearts Gala moment in canon.

By the end of second year, their relationship is very much out in the open. But as neither is the type to engage in PDA while at work (Donahue’s is perfectly acceptable though), none of their colleagues seem to want to stoke the gossip machine when they see them together. See Kiss Me Better.

As of now, Throwback Thursday is the first fic to kick off Cassie’s third and final year of residency. It’s safe to say, there is no more hiding or ambiguity. They are together as a couple as far as everyone is concerned.

Side Note: I haven’t written as much for third year, but I do have ideas that I want to develop, so that part of my masterlist will be filled over time.

For the Diagnostics Team, Tobias Carrick joins in the Third Year after the amalgamation / merger of Edenbrook and Mass Kenmore under one parent company. See Surrender. Baz stays on the team, but splits his time between the research lab and Diagnostics. 

Harper Emery does not join the team as she’s a neurosurgeon and her skills don’t apply to diagnostics.

Unlike canon, Ethan does help her with the Boards (see Best Laid Plans and Study Session) and they do have a conversation about what happens once her residency ends. See Crossing The Bridge.

I stayed somewhat true to canon here in that Naveen chooses to retire because he’s ready to do so (not because of the lawsuit) and taps Ethan as his replacement. She accepts the Head of Diagnostics position. Brief reference to this is in Part 2 of the Maxenna fic, Love Story.

Cassie knows Ethan will be a good Chief of Medicine and shows him how he could make a difference in patient care and physician training (two things he’s passionate about). See first part of Cassie’s Memory Book to see how he adjusts and makes the role work for him.

The first fic after she completes her residency and becomes an attending is Staycation.

I know leadership transitions can take time, so they don’t officially start their roles until October 1 (three months later). All stories from this point onward feature Cassie and Ethan in their new roles. See Epilogue, Masquerade, Old Habits.

Side Note: I’m still filling out this section of my masterlist as there’s more to tell about their lives at this stage.

They get engaged in late spring (May-ish) of 2022 and the proposal was true to who they are. I wrote The Grape Escape before OPH had the Head of Diagnostics/Chief of Medicine plot, so the story doesn’t explicitly reference it. But just pretend that it exists until I go back and add it in.

They get married within a couple of months of getting engaged as neither wanted to wait. Sienna and Cassie’s mom are champion organizers and got the crazy kids hitched in record time. Their wedding takes place at her family’s estate in Newport on July 15, 2022. See I Do…

Bonus fact: Cassie is 31 (turning 32 on October 5) and Ethan is 39 (turning 40 on July 30) at the time of their wedding. Cassie turned 28 during her intern year (she started med school late), so their age difference is 8 years. More on Ethan’s 40th in Two Birthdays.

They have twin girls almost four years after getting married. Cassie’s first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, and it broke their heart, so they didn’t actively try again. See Come Undone.  

For more on their children, see Two Become Four, Time of Our Lives, Doctor Daddy and the second part of Cassie’s Memory Book. On the second page, top left corner is a note that they wrote to their first child and tied to a balloon they released in the air when they were ready to say good-bye.

The Ramsey Twins have Ethan’s dark hair and Cassie’s green eyes (dominant genes at play). In personality, Sophie is like Cassie and is into ballet like her mom. Eloise though is the troublemaker and very much like her father in terms of being extremely smart but feels underestimated by adults/teachers.

Ethan and Cassie often get called into parent-teacher meetings because of it. I reference it briefly on page 2 of Cassie’s Memory Book as part of Cassie’s To-Do List.

Cassie got involved in medical advocacy initiatives, serving as an advisor to State legislative committees as well as a Select Committee of Congress on how to make healthcare more affordable. She also served on the board of the American Medical Women’s Association. 

Her book, First Things First, was published in January 2025 and it brought a lot of attention to her and the Diagnostics team. She was reluctant to use her last name initially but realized that it can help her affect change faster and open more doors. References to this can be found in A Valentine Holiday, Bygones, and Come Undone. 

Here’s a headcanon about how Cassie led the Diagnostics Team to great heights.

After 10 years as Head of Diagnostics and Chief of Medicine, Cassie and Ethan leave Edenbrook to start their own non-profit medical foundation, Hopeful Hearts, to continue Naveen’s legacy to help those with nowhere else to go. See on page 2 of Cassie’s Memory Book.

Not to harp on the Memory Book, but it does include their future relationship and all that happens. It can be hard to read though, so if you would like to see an individual section or graphic, just send an ask.

Ps. If you want to see what their life is like right now (present time in fourth year), then Cassie’s Week in the Life is a good board to view.

[aria-i-adagio]

Fandom: Dragon Age

Ship: Dorian x m!Trevelyan

Rating: T

read on A03 or below

(title from REM, 'Imitation of Life')

Meanwhile, in Haven.

Rhys has a list of sights he does not want to see as he’s dying. At the top (and a recent addition) are hurlocks - those are some ugly motherfuckers, and he suspects that they enjoy making death hurt. Most varieties of demons; although, perhaps a desire demon might not be too bad. Granted, he doesn’t know if the illusions they cast last up to the point of death, or if those are only good while being possessed. That might change the calculus a bit. One of the red lyrium crystal monsters the Templars were turning themselves into. A bear. He definitely does not want to see a bear while he’s dying.

As final sights go, the implosion of the Breach as the thing in his hand stitches the Veil back together isn’t a bad one. The outer edges turn magenta, then blue-violet. The cooler colors rush to the center, swirl together, drawing inward until there’s just a speck of black, more liquid than the darkest night. Then bright, morning sunlight pulses like a heartbeat from that center.

Rhys lets go of the breath he was holding. He thinks it worked, thinks the Breach is closed. It feels powerful enough - a wave of magic like fire and lightning pouring through him, in and out, like breathing in harsh, herbal smoke that messes with his head and makes the world swim, and at least, in his case, despite many promises to the contrary never makes him as sleepy as it just makes him keyed up and in want a good fuck.

The shockwave following the pulse of white light picks him up off his feet and sends him hurtling through the air and slamming him like a ragdoll into rocks and ice around Haven.

Still, the light is damned pretty. Until it fades.

He hears Dorian's voice through the ringing in his ears. “Rhys! Thank the Maker.”

Rhys hopes that he isn’t dead because if he is that implies that Dorian is dead too, and that would rather sad. The world needs Dorian smiling and making catty jokes. There’s been too much melancholy and death over the past few months. Rhys is getting tired of all the omens of doom and gloom.

There’s another little gap in time before his head recovers enough to remember how to open his eyes. When he does, Cassandra’s upside-down face greets him. Dorian's would have been a prettier sight, but there's something comfortingly familiar about seeing Cassie first thing after realizing that - despite there being every reason for him to be - he is not, in fact, dead.

Rhys's vision still spins, and his left arm feels like it’s burning from the inside out. Yes, he’s been here before. Best just to let go, disconnect from it, float a little bit. “Are you going to yell at me again?”

“What?” Cassie’s dark brows pull low over her eyes. “No!”

“Too bad. You’re kinda attractive when you look like you’re about to commit murder.”

“Herald!”

Cassie sounds scandalized. Rhys manages a grin. Not that scandalizing Cassie actually takes that much effort. Makes her easy to tease. Something to distract him from how much he’s hurting at the moment because pretending that the waves of pain radiating from his arm are the ocean doesn’t actually work very well. Maybe it’s because he hasn’t been in the ocean since he was a small child. The memory of floating in warm waves until they send you tumbling into rough sand isn’t fresh enough.

“Keep talking like that, Lucky, and you might yet manage to die tonight.”

“Hey, Varric.” Rhys tries to lift his head and the bastard offspring of fire and electricity shoots from his shoulder to neck and then down his spine. The muscles in his back spasm and his head hits the ground beneath him, blacking out his vision for another moment and sending the ringing in his ears a pitch higher. “Did it work?” he asks groggily.

“You did good, kid.”

“So it -”

“The Breach is sealed, Rhys.” Solas’s calm voice is reassuring to hear. “Try not to move, this will hurt more before it hurts less.”

“That story -” He means to say ‘again,’ but Cassandra grabs his shoulders very firmly and maybe he shouldn't waste breath on quips.

“Dorian, be ready.” Solas does something, and that something rips the fire out of his left arm, which is - as promised - worse than just letting it settle in like some magical, fatal addition to the marrow.

“Motherfucking, son of a bitch, what in the name of Andraste's flaming arse -”

“Language.” Cassie lets go of his shoulders and reprimands him with a light cuff on the side of his head. “Oh let the kid blaspheme a bit, Seeker. He's earned it.”

Rhys sits up and rubs his hand. Above him, the sky is still marked by a line of bright green, but it’s a seam in the darkness, not a whirling, pulsating storm. His arm doesn't hurt now, but there's the same fuzzy numb wrongness in his wrist and palm that he's gotten used to over the past few months. That's on a good day.

Solas arches his eyebrows and looks amused. “You know I do very little in the name of Andraste's arse, flaming or not.”

“Whatever your reason -” Rhys experimentally stretches out his left arm and reaches across his chest to rub his shoulder. It’s still aching, but just the banal ache of falling a bit too hard. “Thank you."

Nearby Dorian finishes casting with an elegant - and probably unnecessary - flourish of his elegant hands. One of the trees beside the Chantry behind to glow with the green of a Veil Rift, then warming to a color closer to chartreuse.

“What is that?”

“You absorbed a lot of energy while closing the Breach. I siphoned off what I could at the time. But still, far more than a human body is supposed can contain and remain alive.”

“Right.” Movement of energy had been his theory for some time. Massive amounts of magic were required to open or close a rift in the Veil, and something had to serve as a conduit. Whatever happened at the Conclave had left him as that conduit, but each time he felt the power come closer to burning through the bonds that held him together, made him human. Which was precisely why there was a stack of farewell letters sitting on the desk in Rhys's quarters. He hadn’t expected to live through whatever it took to close the Breach.

“Dorian and I pulled off some of what remained and redirected it. It's a rather beautiful effect, albeit transient.”

The tree turns to a brilliant brilliant gold and then quivers and collapses into a pile of shimmering dust. Rhys swallows hard. Not expecting to live isn’t quite the same as getting a glimpse of how you would have died. Or maybe a human body was messier than a tree. Typically were less graceful than plants. “I see.”

“Right then. Let's get you freshened up and then get some liquor in you.” Dorian grabs his forearms and hauls him to his feet. Face to face with the other mage, Rhys feels transparent. Like a plane of glass that can't hide fears and flaws. It's terrifying. Electrifying. “Everyone else has already started the party.”

Even nearly nose to nose with Dorian, Rhys still can't tame the small voice in the back of his head that says he's reading Dorian all wrong, that the man is just friendly, that there's certainly no way someone so beautiful and refined would be interested in a mudlark.

He hopes that voice is just being stupid.

Dorian slips him a flask of brandy as they walk away. Rhys flips the cap off and sips gratefully from it. His legs feel loose, off-balance, like he’s drunk already, and he suspects he would be staggering but for Dorian’s arm around his waist. The linen undergarments beneath his leather coat and woolen sweater are soaked with sweat and chilly even beneath the layers; he’s content enough to let Dorian drag him to the small cabin he’d been given. Really, actually, it is too much for a single person, much bigger than the room he had at Ostwick. And frankly, far too cold with only a single person’s body heat in the space at night.

He stumbles past the partition to the room in the back, trying to decide if he’d rather fall face-first onto the bed, or dig out a new base layer and go enjoy the party he can hear the rest of the Inquisition beginning outside. Leliana and Josephine will probably show up if he chooses the latter and drag him back out with a lecture on keeping up appearances and rallying the people. They might even be right.

Maker, he hopes his part in all this is over. Let Cassandra and Leliana continue trying to remake all of Thedas. He just wants to go home. If he has a home to go to.

“Oh look at this!” Dorian exclaims from the front. “Antivan red. And a halfway decent vintage. You’ve been holding out on me, Rhys.”

“Talk to Josie.” Rhys undoes the buttons down the front of his coat. Too many buttons, especially with hands that are stiff from the cold and shaking from an overdose of magic. He tosses it over the foot of the bed and takes off his sweater. He’s rather fond of the sweater actually, it’s nice and warm and the good kind of scratchy. The kind that kept you in the present place and time. “She’s not lying about her family connections.”

“Not sure she likes me. Yet. She’ll come around.”

“I’m sure she will.” Rhys smiles a little and cautiously - sometimes he has to recalibrate just how much magic to use after closing a Rift - casts a spell to melt the ice on the pitcher of water. Closing the Breach hadn’t done anything to improve Haven’s climate. Maker, why do people choose to live here? He splashes still chilly water over his face and leans his hands against the table, trying not to yawn so hard that his jaw cracks off.

His linen shirt is soaked to his skin; he has to virtually peel it off. It gets tossed to the floor, something that can be dealt with later and by someone else. He soaks a bit of toweling at rubs it over his chest and shoulders, glancing behind him, at least somewhat hoping that Dorian is surreptitiously peering around the partition.

He isn't. He’s turned away from the opening in the partition - polite, Rhys supposes - holding the stack of letters in his hands and shuffling through them. “Rhys. What are these?”

“Just... I need to burn those. They were just in case, well, you know, this wasn't exactly the guaranteed outcome.” He didn’t even know if half the people he had addressed them to were still alive, much less where to find them, but he assumed that Leliana would be able to figure that out if she needed to.

“How late were you up writing them?”

All night. “A while.”

“You were sitting here last night, by yourself, writing these because you thought you might die - Rhys, why didn't you say anything? You didn't have to sit in here drinking and contemplating death alone.”

“I thought the chance closing the Breach would kill was generally understood.” Just the kind of thing that no one talks about in polite society. Rhys combs his fingers through his hair and tries to put it into something akin to order and not just hanging unattractively lank around his face. Kind. Dorian might have a vicious tongue in his head, but he’s also kind when he wants to be. “Open the bottle if you want. If I was saving it for a special occasion, I think this qualifies.”

Rhys sits on the edge of the bed and undoes the buckles down the sides of his boots, tugging them off and rolling down the first of three pairs of socks. The other two are tucked under his trousers. Clean socks will be nice. He gets his trousers off - tight leather is really annoying. Decent armor. A good look on him too - even he can recognize that. But annoying to get on and off.

He finishes washing up quickly and dresses again, listening as Dorian pops the cork out of the bottle and the sound of wine being poured. Hopefully, it’s a decent vintage. He’d hate to disappoint.

Dorian is sitting in one of the chairs with his feet propped up on the desk. Rhys does it all the time himself; it’s a bizarrely satisfying act of delayed rebellion against the librarians who scolded him for doing the same thing in the Circle. The letters have been set aside in a much tidier stack than the one in which he had left them. He pulls the second chair out from the desk, sits down, and picks up the wine glass that Dorian isn’t twirling in his elegant hands.

Dorian stops him as he raises the glass to his lips. “Don’t drink it yet, silly. A red needs to breathe.”

“Right. Yes. Anyway, thanks. For saving my life back there. What is that, like the fiftieth time.”

Dorian raises his eyebrows, smiling over the cup in his hand. “Bad form to let someone die. Especially someone you rather -”

Bells begin clanging outside, interrupting whatever Dorian was about to say. He swings his feet from the desk to the floor and sets the cup violently down on the table. “Oh, Andraste’s quaking quim, what now?”

Rhys grins. “You’re getting as bad as a Ferelden.” Even if the bells are unlikely to signify anything good, he can enjoy a little humor.

“Worse, I think.” Dorian throws back the cup of wine as he gets up from the table, and Rhys follows suit. Yes. It is a more than decent vintage even without enough time to breathe, and he grabs the bottle as Dorian pushes the door open because whatever is about to happen will probably merit alcohol. Cullen is standing outside, still in full armor and fur and with the grim expression that Haven seems to have frozen on his features.

“We’re under attack. Grab your staves. Meet me at the gate.”

“Void take it.” Dorian takes the bottle from him and drinks. “Come on, Rhys. Looks like fate hasn’t given up fucking with us yet.”

Well, fuck.

[grandwretch]

Marco would commit a genocide. I'm not sure how, and I'm not sure which one, but there's so many alien species in that series just ripe for Marco's clear line to decimate. It's a universe on the brink of extinction and I can see Marco and Rachel (and Ax?) speeding it along.

Jake and Garrus would be best bros. Rachel would also love Garrus, because they love to beat people up together, but I feel Garrus and Jake have a lot of the same energy sometimes. Garrus would be the only person to really appreciate Jake's jokes. I feel this in my soul.

Cassie is a hard one because there's not really a lot of animals in space. I think she'd get along with older Asari, but be weirded out by some of their cultural norms. Honestly, depending on how long they were there, I think she might shift from zoology to xenobiology, just because the amount of alien species are so so vast and also there have been like a million cases of biological warfare resulting in generations-long symptoms and viruses. I think she would feel compelled to fix it. Yup, Cassie goes to alien med school.

Rachel would find herself adopted by a very nice krogan couple. She's their weird, smooth child, but she has the heart of a krogan, and they love her very much. She gets a battle suit of her very own in bear morph, and they teeth her how to shoot a gun with her claws. It's terrifying.

Ax would be convinced he's the one meant for diplomacy, here, since he's also an alien, but he would cause 500 inter-galaxy disputes and then almost die of an allergic reaction because he ate a weird fruit that Andalite/human bodies aren't able to process.

What if the Animorphs were transplanted into the world of mass effect?

I haven't played. Mass Effect and Animorphs fans, anyone wanna weigh in?

[pastpatientlywaitingforimagines]

Nebula | Spencer Reid x Reader Platonic

WC: 2701

A/N: When I first wrote Galaxy I intended for it to be a oneshot, but I can’t get enough of the dynamic between Spencer and Reader. This is part 3 to Galaxy and Supernova, though you don’t really have to read them to understand what’s going on.

GALAXY MASTERLIST

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR 12x13 (Spencer), mentions of drug use

For the first time since you joined the Bureau, you didn’t want to go. It was selfish, but you didn’t want to go because you didn’t think you could handle seeing him. Nonetheless, you knew if roles were reversed he wouldn’t hesitate to be there for you so you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps and stepped onto the jet anyways.

The rest of the team knew it wasn’t going to be easy for you. It wasn’t easy for them either, but there was a cosmic connection between you and Doctor Spencer Reid that they all knew made this exponentially more difficult for you.

Emily didn’t complain when you stayed impossibly close to her on the jet, eyes cast downward in silence while you listened to them strategize. Rossi kept providing you snacks to eat while on the flight to Mexico, compassionately reminding you that you needed it to keep your strength up whenever there was a lull in conversation. Luke kept careful eyes on your tells, ready to step in if you showed any increased signs of anxiety. He wasn’t as good at noticing them as Spencer was, having worked with you for significantly less time, but the Army veteran had picked up on your lingering military traumas early on in his employment with the team and had been there for you especially when Spencer took time off to care for his mom.

They needed you, and more importantly Spencer needed you, so they were going to do everything they could to keep you in one piece until they could figure out what had happened in Mexico.

Emily took charge when you stepped into the police precinct, commandeering the officers in a way only Emily Prentiss could. You followed Luke to the holding cell, and that’s when you saw him.

Spencer’s eyes slowly met yours and you could immediately tell something was off. Luke started talking to him, and you watched as Spencer struggled to remember your colleague. You were too scared to ask Spencer if he remembered you. Seeing your best friend so out of it terrified you. Spencer Reid was the sharpest person you knew, this dishevelment was uncharacteristic and you felt yourself having a hard time believing the man on the other side of the bars was your favorite doctor.

Luke’s phone ringing pulled you back into the present. You weren’t going to be of any help to anyone, especially Spencer, if you were catatonic. Instead of standing safely on the shore, you had to let yourself get caught in the riptide and pulled into this mess.

“Spencer,” you spoke for the first time since Emily had broke the news to the group of you that morning. You could tell the drugs were making it hard for him to focus, “Spencer, listen to me.”

“(y/n),” he rasped. He remembered you.

“Hey, I trust you,” even in his inebriated state, you both felt the weight of your words.

“(y/n),” he repeated. You knew he understood. When Luke came back he had some revelations from Garcia and the rest of the team back in Quantico. Even though Spencer denied wanting company while the other agents went to check out the motel and the whereabouts of Nadie Ramos, you stayed with him.

You sat on the floor with your back against the wall, watching your best friend carefully. The concrete wasn’t comfortable by any means, but you were not going to let anything else harm the man who was so close yet so far away. You received a lot of strange looks from the passing officers, but you didn’t move. Even when your phone rang, you stayed put.

“JJ,” you answered quietly, watching Spencer’s even breathing as he slept on the bench in the cell.

“How are you holding up?

“I’m… not, but I can deal with it later. Spencer is our priority right now,” you weren’t sure if you were reminding her or yourself.

“How is he?”

“Sleeping for now, hopefully sobering up. This is gut-wrenching. He told me about what happened with Tobias Hankel… I can’t even imagine what it was like for him then. How is Diana?”

“She’s stable, I checked in with her earlier. Cassie’s taking good care of her, you don’t have to worry.”

“Will you keep checking in with her until I get back and let me know if anything changes? Whatever he was doing down here has to do with her, I just need to figure out what it was. I wish he would have told me,” you gritted your teeth.

“That was going to be my next question. You didn’t know about any of this?”

“I knew he was traveling to talk to doctors. He’s been doing it for a few months now, I would spend extra time with Diana while he was gone. I always asked about his trips, nothing he told me ever raised a red flag, though. It was always ‘Met with this doctor, talked about that clinical trial, got this new medication to try.’ I should have known…”

“I’ve been saying the same thing. I don’t know how I missed it, or why he wouldn’t tell us,” you could hear the desperation in her voice.

“We’re going to figure it out. We have to figure it out. We’re getting him out of here,” you told her. You weren’t sure how convinced JJ was at your words but she accepted them anyways, bidding you goodbye when Garcia pulled her into some new information on their end of the case.

“Who was that?” you almost missed the gravely words from Spencer’s mouth when you took the phone away from your ear.

“It was JJ,” you told him.

“Are you going to ask me more questions? I still can’t… can’t remember.” Your heart broke.

“I’m not here to ask you questions, Spence. I’m here to make sure you’re safe.”

“Because you trust me.”

“Because I trust you,” you repeated. He was quiet again until the sun came up, and Emily, Rossi and Luke returned from the motel. Emily pulled you to the side when they showed up, though you wouldn’t let her take you anywhere where you couldn’t have eyes on Spencer.

“That motel room was a mess,” she told you honestly. You had spoken with her on the phone earlier, so you knew most of the finer details.

“It doesn’t look good for him, does it?”

“On the surface, no. The Mexican authorities have everything they need to lock him up, but if we can find something that proves Scratch is framing him we’ll have a better chance.”

You crossed your arms and shifted your weight, mind reeling with possibilities.

When Inspector Casteneda let you into the holding cell shortly after, you planted yourself at Spencer’s side and did not move. Just being in closer proximity to the doctor helped you feel better. Your friendship had never been very touchy-feely, you and Spencer both having reasons that you preferred to limit your physical contact, so the comfort that you found was merely by presence. You always had a clearer head when Spencer was close by, and this was no exception.

You kept your mouth shut while the other agents and Casteneda discussed Spencer’s tox screen and the possibilities of a cognitive interview. When Casteneda pulled out the vials, you watched the first glimpse of memory cross your friend’s face. You tensed, waiting to step in if you needed to.

“Whatever’s in those vials, I was giving it to my mom. That’s the only thing I’m sure of.”

“You can use any of the rooms down the hall,” Casteneda pointed before leaving your little group of agents alone.

“I don’t think a cognitive is a good idea,” you finally spoke, stepping in front of Spencer defensively to stop him from following Emily.

“Why not?” she turned back to you. You were acutely aware of Rossi and Luke watching the exchange.

You glanced over your shoulder at Spencer, who was gazing at you with red-rimmed eyes.

“Your head isn’t clear enough yet.”

“I can still try,” he piped up from behind you. Emily raised her eyebrows, questioning how far you were going to fight this.

“I don’t want him accidentally implicating himself while there are still drugs in his system that could structure false memories.”

“With all the time he’s missing, that might happen anyways. This cognitive could give us some important information, just as much as it might give us false. We don’t have a lot of time, (y/n),” Emily was firm.

From a profiling standpoint, she was right. Any time was precious time, and Spencer had definitely come down enough to form more coherent thoughts. Your role in this case was not that of a profiler, though. It was like you had told Spencer a few hours prior, you were there to make sure he was safe, that whoever did this to him didn’t come back, and that he didn’t go to prison. You trusted that he didn’t commit the crimes he was facing, and you weren’t going to let him being doped up change that.

“I trust you,” Spencer spoke again, blinking slowly. You looked at Emily pointedly, “but I want to do the cognitive.”

“Spencer,” you pleaded. Letting your emotions come into play wouldn’t work with Emily but there was a chance you could get through with them to Spencer. You stared at each other intensely, none of your other colleagues daring to say a word.

Choosing to do a cognitive was something a coherent, clearheaded Spencer would do, you reasoned. As much as you still believed in your gut that he wasn’t ready, you trusted him.

“Let me do the interview,” you tried.

“No,” every agent in the room spoke at the same time, even Spencer. That was how you found yourself sitting on the floor again, this time outside of the room Emily was interviewing Spencer in.

Luke and Rossi came to stand protectively next to you. You knew they were keeping something from you, but you didn’t dare ask what. You were too busy staring down the man guarding the door. Screw international relations, you were ready to start a war with the entire country of Mexico for their wrongful arrest of Spencer.

Luke exchanged a few words in Spanish with the guard, before nudging you with his foot.

“What?”

“Take a breath, (y/n). He just asked me if you bite. If looks could kill you’d have murdered everyone in this precinct already.”

“Even if I did, they’d probably arrest Spencer and blame him for it,” you grumbled. Before either of the men could say anything, Emily stepped out of the interview room. She spoke quickly to the guard, who went inside. You were on your feet as soon as Emily shut the door. Luke grabbed your elbow as Emily told you about the cognitive, though you didn’t understand why until he spoke.

“They just charged Reid with the murder of Nadie Ramos.”

You thought your knees were going to give out. You would have been back on the floor if Luke hadn’t had a firm grip on your arm. Emily spoke some more, but your entire focus was on the door in front of you. Slowly it opened, the guard escorting Spencer back to the holding cell.

“I’m going with him,” you said, tearing your arm away from Luke and pushing past the other agents. Inspector Casteneda tried to stop you from entering the holding cell, but you put your foot down.

“I’ve been around more killers with him than I have with you. If he tries to kill me, so be it, maybe you’ll actually have something to charge him for,” you stepped past the man and plunked down on a bench facing Spencer.

“Is my mom ok?”

“Yeah, JJ’s keeping tabs on her. She’s safe. How’s your head?”

“Getting clearer, I think.”

“Good,” you whispered, settling into silence.

Emily didn’t look fazed when she saw you sitting in the cell with Spencer. She had Matt and Clara with her, and between them and Garcia you were somehow able to establish concurrent jurisdiction over Spencer’s case. Still, you had to watch them handcuff your best friend and start walking him away while Emily was on the phone. Finally she hung up.

“They’re taking it to their brass. Go get him,” she looked at you and Luke. You raced after him, letting Luke do the talking once you caught up to the officers. Saving Spencer from going to a maximum security prison was the highest priority right now, your beef with the Mexican police wouldn’t do you any good in remedying that.

Things moved quickly once Emily had made the proper phone calls, but you didn’t feel yourself start to relax until you were seated safely next to Spencer on the jet couch.

He reached over, taking your hand in his own and moving his fingers up to your wrist, starting to fidget with the bracelet you always wore.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” his voice was soft, meant only for you.

“I wish you had, Spence. I really do, but there’s nothing we can do to change that now. We just have to fight until we figure out what’s going on,” you leaned closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder, “I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help down there.”

“I’m on my way home, aren’t I?”

“No thanks to me. If I had acted how I wanted, we’d both be on our way to El Diablo right now,” you joked half-heartedly.

“You’re the only person I’d want to go to jail with,” he joked back.

“I don’t know, your odds might be better if you picked Prentiss. She got beat up by a cult leader for you, that’s hardcore.”

“She also faked her own death, who’s to say she wouldn’t do it again as an escape plan? You wouldn’t leave me,” while this kind of banter was normal for the two of you, it felt weird discussing theoretical jail when prison was a very real possibility for the man sitting next to you.

“I won’t leave you. Ever. No matter what, you’re stuck with me,” you reminded him.

“Even if I’m in prison for the rest of my life?”

“You’re not going to be in prison for the rest of your life,” you grumbled, “but even if you were, I wouldn’t miss a visiting day. You can’t get rid of me that easily, Spence.”

“I know,” he whispered, “how do you think this is going to end?”

“Best case, we get a tip-top legal team and you’re acquitted before there’s even speculation of you going to prison,” your confidence was evident.

“And worst case?”

“I don’t want to think about that.”

“I want to know, (y/n). I trust you,” he wasn’t going to let you off the hook that easily.

You sighed, “you were framed for everything illegal that happened in Mexico. I have no doubts about that, never had, never will. Worst case, we can’t prove it and you serve a full sentence because of it.”

“You will prove it though.”

“If anyone can do it, it’s us. Honestly, I think it’ll fall somewhere in the middle. Even with the best of the best legal team, there’s still a lot of uncertainty about what happened. It might take time to put all of the pieces together.”

“I appreciate your honesty,” Spencer’s voice dropped even quieter, “everyone else is walking on eggshells around me.”

“To be fair, you were pretty heavily drugged when we first got down there. And the jeans? It was like looking at a stranger, you weren’t yourself.”

“You don’t like the jeans?” you could tell he was teasing to try to lighten the mood.

“I really don’t. The first thing I’m doing when we get back home is finding you some Pretty Boy pants.”

“Of all of the priorities you could have,” he laughed.

“You’re the only you we’ve got, Spencer. Prison, drugs, Mexico, Alzheimer’s, I’m not letting anything take quintessential you away from us, even if it means getting you a new pair of pants.”

GALAXY MASTERLIST

[buggeredson]

also dropping this: do bad things to me / do bad things to you (both or whichever you're feeling tbh!)

new meme collection who dis?

Oh darling—no one can ruin you like I can. Promise. Because truthfully (and this is just between the two of us), although I very easily could do unspeakable things to leave you screaming my name, if I got my hands on you my way, I’d mark you up in all the ways you’re terrified to admit you want. Martyrdom, masochism—it all bleeds together after a while if it bleeds at all, doesn’t it? But I want you to remember me, buddy boy. I want to be the only thought behind those baby blues from the moment we come together to the moment we part. No more WINCHESTERS, no more HEAVEN, no more HELL, just CROWLEY and the things he makes you feel even though you shouldn’t.

So giving. It’s about time someone else did that but for you. I could take you apart atom by atom if that’s the game you wanted to play, but I know you better. So. No cuffs. No ropes. No seals. Not even a chain or two. No restraints—no way to bluff or pretend you don’t want this. Just you being a good little pet and lying still for me as I devour every inch of you, inside and out. We can save the kinky stuff for later (and believe me, luv, no one’s catalogue of filth comes anywhere near the depths of my carnal depravity), the first time we really do this is going to be nothing short of sublimely human. Tracing your scars with my tongue. Touching you as I just breathe for a moment in your ear, remind you whose bed you’ve fallen into. I can edge you for hours—and I will. I want every spare centimeter of you committed to my memory before we get anywhere NEAR the climax of our little tryst. I want you to cum from my tongue and mouth and hands alone. You ever been rimmed before, Cassie? I’ll leaving you seeing stars even if you have. I’m going to etch my lowly little name into every crevice of your grace and then I’m going to work you over two or three more times to make sure the engraving sticks. I’m going to leave you a mess—and the worst part, darling, is that I’m not going to leave you. You’ll have to decide on your own to go back to those putrid, pathetic excuses for failed heroes, and you’ll have to live with the thought every time you see me thereafter not only of our sweltering night of shared passion…but of the fact that the door’s open and you only need to walk in. How many times do you think you’ll really be in and out? I give you four, maybe five, before I weasel myself the rest of the way in and force you to face your own miserable abuse. And what then? Back to the Impala, the Bunker, the Boys?

I think not.

But by all means, stop me if I’m wrong.

-

As for reversing the positions, angel mine, allow me to be perfectly candid: just getting you in my bed is victory enough to keep me high for months on end. Call me a hopeless romantic, perhaps; one of my notably few fatal flaws.

(And even so, Crowley can imagine the positions reversed, albeit with far more theatrics: relinquishing anything doesn’t come easily to him, let alone control. But those piercing blue eyes softened for him, prayerful tongue laving over his body, hot whispered praise pouring over his weak, almost trivial protestations; it’s a fantasy he’ll never cop to, but one that really tops the charts when the usual images of hard usage aren’t quite cutting it. A facsimile of love imperfectly writ between one who can no longer feel it and one who perhaps never will, a certain poetry he can’t deny. It’s a beautiful ache where it sits too low in the center-left of his chest.)

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 11.5

What Does a Moth Sound Like?

A half-elf conwoman (and the moth tasked with keeping her out of trouble) travel the Jewel in search of, uh, whatever a fashionable accessory is pointing them at. [Campaign log]

Last time: the party returned to Barley to deal with a few loose ends while their hired muscle dealt with the biggest, scaliest loose end. Between that session and the next, we had a brief mini-session to wrap up one of said ends we'd left unwrapped- what exactly is up with the Kanthalga family?

(Also included: a conversational omake between Looseleaf and Saelhen, pictured courtesy of @drazelic, Looseleaf's player.)

After their encounter with Kensa, Oyobi tries to talk the party into going to the tower and helping the Deathseekers kill the dragon. Her brilliant plan of "stab it in the brain before it can cast any spells" has some flaws, though, and they patiently explain the plan's many flaws and strike a blow against Oyobi's sense of invincibility.

They also ask Malath a few questions, trying to get to the bottom of her odd discomfort with the idea of the dragon as a culprit and the presence of Deathseekers.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "When we spoke before, you asked us whether the dragon was green. I regret that I still cannot answer, as I have not seen it, or heard any news on the topic from the deathseekers. But you seemed... concerned that it might be a green dragon. Is there any reason that such a dragon might pose a particular threat to your town?" Benedict I. (GM): "Mmm. I don't know if you've heard, but... going on thirty years ago, there was a town to the east called Grain." "It was attacked by a green dragon, and the elders... as the dragon had words with them, they had to be remanded to the custody of their gods." Looseleaf: Oooh, that is harsh. Benedict I. (GM): "In the ensuing chaos, the miscreants who now inhabit Wheat set fire to the town and fled further east." "The survivors of the disaster fled west, and established Barley here." "If that same dragon still has its sights on our people, we could be in grave danger." "We refused to submit once, and it very nearly destroyed us."

As far as they can tell from their questioning, Malath isn't hiding any dark secret- she's just sort of a control freak, who's nervous that her control over the people might slip. Plus she's worried that if the dragon is provoked and comes to town, she- as the current elder in charge- might suffer the same fate as Grain's elders.

Saelhen... isn't satisfied with this. Something seems wrong about Malath Kanthalga- Thalath wouldn't try to enlist their help rescuing Kensa for no reason. She takes the party to the general store, in hopes of catching Kensa on her nightly delivery.

Kensa arrives as expected, but when she sees Saelhen there, she makes her delivery and tries to leave, rather than sit at the loom as is her custom. She seems afraid of Saelhen.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...I don't intend to keep you from your work. Though I did have a question I wanted to ask you, dear. If you'll permit me one." Kensa Kanthalga: "...A question?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Of a sensitive nature, possibly. Something vouchsafed to me by... someone you might know." Kensa Kanthalga: She looks less afraid and more confused, now. And after thinking a moment... "...oh." She actually looks a little angry, now. "That makes sense." "He sent you, didn't he?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: Okay, the conclusions she's reached here... may or may not be correct! "Under what I am starting to think may have been false pretenses." Kensa Kanthalga: "What did he tell you? Did he say I was being brainwashed?" "I don't need to be rescued from my duty by someone who abandoned his!" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "More a very general concern for your person than anything --" Ah, there's the word that raises her hackles, duty.

Having somewhat misread the situation, Saelhen is unpleasantly surprised to find that Kensa seems just as devoted to the teachings of Diamode as Malath is, and has no interest in fleeing. She seems contemptuous of her older brother on the basis that, uh...

Well, the Goddess of Family, who's all about having kids and living a very prescribed sort of life path inside strict gender roles, is- as might be unsurprising- a bit of a homophobe. The party never met Thalath's boyfriend (who works the night shift at Wheatley Inn- they never stayed the night there), but there are several reasons why the place isn't popular with the locals.

Saelhen is caught kind of flat-footed here- she can tell something's still not quite right, but she doesn't have the kind of cultural context to unravel this level of baggage.

Luckily, she brought along an ersatz cleric of Diamode, and so... Orluthe is able to spot the missing piece of the puzzle.

Orluthe Chokorov: Orluthe, in the back, has been looking increasingly uncomfortable. So far, he's had his stole and cap stowed away, so as not to be recognized as a cleric of Diamode. He's now taking them out and putting them on. "Hey, um, miss?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: Saelhen... legitimately forgot he had those. Kensa Kanthalga: Kensa turns and notices him- possibly for the first time. "Oh, ah- Mr., um..." Orluthe Chokorov: "Chokorov," he says. "I'm..." He holds up a hand, and points at a tiny circular scar around his pinky finger. "You have one of these, right?" Kensa Kanthalga: Kensa looks down at her hand, and you can see- yes, she has a matching scar. Saelhen du Fishercrown: Well. That's novel information about Orluthe. Religion check to... I mean, we know the finger-cutting thing. I guess a "what does this mean, it's not like these two have disowned anyone" check. 13 - RELIGION (2) Benedict I. (GM): With a 13, you know that only a parent needs to cut off their finger- but you're not sure what happens with sibling relationships. This might be something related- like you don't have to cut your finger off all the way? Some sort of signifier that the connection has been severed, though you don't know the finer doctrinal points. Orluthe Chokorov: "My older sister," he says. "Four years ago. We all had to get the mark." Kensa Kanthalga: "Wait, but..." Orluthe Chokorov: "You didn't want that to happen to you, too, right?" "You can't stand up to a power like that. You'd never win, right? If I tried to defend my sister, my parents would have two missing fingers." "You have to pretend, right?" Kensa Kanthalga: "Why... no, it's... I really...!" Orluthe Chokorov: "Feels that way, doesn't it? For a long time." Kensa Kanthalga: Kensa looks terrified- like for the first time, someone's seen right through her. Orluthe Chokorov:"It's not a betrayal of your family- of your duty- to... have love." "There's nothing in Diamode's teachings about the mark, you know? Neither of us had to take it." Saelhen du Fishercrown: ...well. That's a... new consideration. Kensa Kanthalga: Kensa's on the verge of tears, looking like she's about to bolt. "N-no, I- I really... want to... I have to..." Saelhen du Fishercrown: Saelhen is right back to Steal This Child Town. "...wait, do you seriously mean that the finger-cutting thing came after the scripture?" Orluthe Chokorov: Orluthe nods. "I mean, the finger-cutting is... it's a punishment. You're not supposed to disown your children. It's not like you can do it and then you lose the finger and then you're all square and it's fine." "And when parents scar their kids' fingers to make them share in a punishment for a sin they didn't commit... Diamode doesn't want that." "I should know," he says, gesturing to his vestments. Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...well. Thank you, Orluthe." Saelhen's face is hard. "I was previously under the impression that I had misunderstood a culture which is strange to me." "But now it sounds as if... I haven't, quite." Kensa Kanthalga: Kensa's makeup is starting to run. "What... what do you know? I- I wanted to... if I could've... I couldn't..." "What do you want with me?!" "I had to, okay? I have to!"

Orluthe having successfully exposed Kensa's fear and dissatisfaction with the situation, Saelhen proceeds to talk her around to trying to leave. It's pretty touch-and-go for a little bit, but Kensa's mind is made up when the party mentions that they're going to be passing through Corolos. Apparently, there's something there she really cares a lot about...?

So they're going to need a few days for Kensa to prepare to, uh, run away with a bunch of strangers. That's- this is technically kidnapping, right? This isn't something you should do in real life? This is kind of bad? Hm. Well.

-

Anyway, they've got some downtime here in Barley while the Deathseekers do their work and Kensa prepares to leave. And- well, later in the campaign, there was a flashback to this time period, so I'm going to cover that scene here.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: So: days in the past (but not many)... It's Cassie Zeishus's inn, and Saelhen is brushing up on her card tricks; she's let herself get rusty, just a bit, ever since she left... Well, since she got to Oyashio, anyway. She's cutting a borrowed deck at one of the inn's tables, downstairs, flicking cards from hand to hand, then up her giant poofy sleeves. Where's Looseleaf? Looseleaf: Probably sitting around outside, doing her whole 'fix-things-up' gimmick! After the early burst of things-to-fix, though, business has dried up a little. There's just not that many broken things left to fix that people need help with after a while! Saelhen du Fishercrown: Saelhen is... bored, she decides, for a reason. She can't evaluate how impressive her card tricks/cheating techniques are without a proper audience! She knows how they work already! So she leans out the door. "How goes the repair work?" Looseleaf: "It isnnnnn't," Looseleaf says back. "I think that there's not much repair work left in Barley at all!" "I've done too good a job and my business has dried up. This is why you never peddle perfect cures, innit." Abruptly, she gets up from the carpet she'd gotten Orluthe to roll out for her- the one from Lumiere's tower. "Boooored." She rolls it up. "I demand entertainment."

Saelhen decides to entertain Looseleaf by performing a card trick... and proceeds to roll a natural 1 on her sleight of hand check. She completely fucks it up, and Looseleaf- who had to be convinced to put money on the wager- earns herself a silver piece.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...I lost the card." "So I'm going to have to replace that for Cassie. On account of her deck being a card short." "Your card, specifically." Looseleaf: "Hhhhokay." "Wow, you're actually serious, aren't you." "I thought this was still part of the bit, but, if you're serious, you know the card's on the underside of your shoe, right?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "I just want to reassure you that I'm good at this, Looseleaf --" Looseleaf: "I thought you'd stepped on it because, y'know, part of the trick." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "No, I already checked there --" Saelhen finds the Hierophant stuck to her instep. There's a beat. Then she blushes furiously, in what looks like actual mortification. "Oh damn it." "I haven't done that since I was sixteen, what the hell..." Looseleaf: Looseleaf laughs. It doesn't sound like her usual laugh, and you can only tell it's a laugh because she's bowled over laughing. The actual sound of the laughter sounds like- trilling chirps with a hint of vibration, a distinctly insectile sound. "Oh gods," she says while somehow still laughing simultaneously, "that was- I'm so sorry about how much I'm laughing, Saelhen-" She's still moth-laughing. "Please understand that your status is no way diminished in my eyes and you are still every bit as much of the cool conwoman you always were in my eyes- oh my gods I'm going to die laughing."

Saelhen, intrigued, attempts to use her preternatural skill at impressions to try and copy the laughter, which Looseleaf finds freaky-deaky.

Looseleaf: "Yeah, if you really want to imitate mothspeech what you actually need are the standard instruments. Your throats are not cut out for the kinds of vibes we naturally talk with." "No offense- your throats are perfectly nice, I mean." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "I'm aware my throat is lovely." "What do you mean, standard instruments? Some kind of... pipe, or flute, or something?" Looseleaf: "The Standard Instruments," she says, this time with an intonation so that Saelhen can tell it's words with Capitalized Letters, "are... sort of like a flute, yeah, except instead of working like a woodwind it's more like, a bunch of little flutes with flaps of springy metal at the end, so when you blow through the flute the flaps vibrate and you get a sound that's way closer to the range of sounds we make, and it doesn't hurt your throat nearly as much. The Standard Instruments for imitation mothspeech." "Alternatively, if you knew spirit magic, we could have just taken you to the Archive of the Ever-Living Voice, but that's not really an option..." Saelhen du Fishercrown: Saelhen attempts to imagine this. "So, ten harmonicas glued together." Looseleaf: "Yeah pretty much." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...that last comment sounded alarmingly practical, in its concerns, Looseleaf." "Are you proposing to teach me, here?" Looseleaf: "How dare you imply that I would ever let slip the magical secrets of my people to an outsider who knows nothing of our ways or our culture why I am absolutely offended and ha ha I'm just messing around." "If you want to learn mothspeech," Looseleaf hesitates for a moment. "...Well, we should get started by trying to put together, as you put it, ten harmonicas!" "...Does this town have harmonicas?" Benedict I. (GM): This town totally has harmonicas.

So it looks like Looseleaf is going to be teaching Saelhen the language of the mothfolk!

Looseleaf hesitates, though. "...You know, learning mothspeech is- well, it's not likely to be useful, you know?" "There's, like, no chance you're ever going to get to really put it into use with anybody other than me." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...it is a bit obscure, isn't it?" Saelhen looks contemplative for a moment... then cracks a grin. "Which means that absolutely no one will know when I insult them." "Beyond their range of hearing, even! Oh that'll be such an easy way to blow off steam, dear, I love it."

After a shopping trip to assemble the device that substitutes for having moth mouthparts, they have a nice time bonding over linguistics. Building the thing is tricky, but... Saelhen gets a good roll!

Looseleaf:"...Y'know, trying to reverse-engineer an instrument just from how you saw it once is... more difficult than I thought it would be." Saelhen du Fishercrown: Saelhen expertly pulls two pieces together. "This and this, yes?" Looseleaf: "Yeah, make sure you leave extra length on the tubes- I don't know exactly how long they have to be so we might have to cut them down a little to fit... The day continues. Looseleaf teaches Saelhen a whole plethora of fun insults in mothspeech. Things like, "You must have had a hole in your cocoon while you were pupating, because your brain clearly leaked out during your metamorphosis." "Remind me what instar you are again?" And, her favorite of all, a surprisingly terse noun that apparently translates to "immature child who sticks two feathers on their forehead and thinks that means they have the antennae of an adult."

Saelhen manages to nail the pronunciation pretty quickly, and adds Mothfolk to her list of languages.

The conversation turns to Elvish (Looseleaf is shocked to learn that Oyobi has been being rude this entire time!), and Saelhen's upbringing in Kanzentokai.

Looseleaf is shocked by Saelhen's quick mastery of the language- and of Tabaxi, and Halfling, which are apparently languages she speaks.

Eventually, Looseleaf decides to make a wager with Saelhen. The stakes: if Looseleaf can fool Saelhen with a card trick of her own, Saelhen has to teach her Thieves' Cant. If she loses, she'll have to tell Saelhen how she did the trick- a standard "is this your card" situation.

Saelhen gets a 21, and Looseleaf then has to explain that she was able to track the card via... spirit-linking. Which she then has to explain she's been doing to the bracer.

Looseleaf: "I'm trying to use this as a, uh, lighthearted segue, to confess to the fact that I've soooorta actually had a tracking magic thing set on you, like, since we met." "I'm hoping that's not, un- discomforting for you, since you said, you liked the whole suspicion thing I had?" "But, yeah, uh, I was totally suspicious of you the whole time, and my first response to seeing someone I pegged as a conwoman trying to con the university out of a magic item was, to, put a tracker on the magic item." "Which is that bracer. I know the position of that bracer, at all times, as long as it's within ten miles of me; further than that, and I know the direction it is relative to me." "I'm coming clean because- well, I guess, we're friends now actually, and you should know about the fact that I'm technically tracking your movements. And also because I want to give you the option to tell me to fuck off with that shit, if you want to." "I think that keeping the tracker's still a good idea, on a practical level, though, because of the, uh, use-case, where, a scary badguy chops your arm off to take the bracer, like that way we could still get your arm back and get the bracer back and I'm also rambling because I'm nervous that this is the end of our friendship aha." Saelhen du Fishercrown: Saelhen has gone very still. Like the hackles-up bristling from earlier, except... a lot less movement. "......" Looseleaf: "Look, if you want me to turn it off I'll turn it off!" Saelhen du Fishercrown: And then she very deliberately settles back into motion, with barely even a little bit of shaking hands! Deep deep breath. "...you make a good point. "About the, bracer tracking." "I am..." "Fine, with it." Looseleaf: "Iiii am not convinced you are fine. You seem like you are in fact very emotionally distraught about it," Looseleaf says with caution. "I could... put a tracker on something that's not the bracer, for you to hold, of your own volition?" "Really, at this point, I'm less scared of you running off with the bracer, and more scared of something happening to you because of the bracer." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...with a condition." "Which is that you do not tell anyone that you can track things, or, if you have to reveal your hand, that you don't tell anyone that you can find me." Looseleaf: "...You don't want to be found, by... something or someone that wants to find you?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "In general, no." "...I'll tie something around the bracer. Or place a coin between my skin and its surface, or something. You can track that." Looseleaf: "Okay. I'll try my best to not tell anybody about my ability to find you. Except unless I have very good reason to believe that, I dunno, a dragon has abducted you and if I don't find help for you then you're dead, or something like that. Is that fine?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "That would be fine, thank you. And I forgive you for... the initial... situation."

It seems... Saelhen really doesn't want to be found, by someone. I wonder who?

Still, the two of them manage to talk the issue over like adults, and grow closer as friends- so that means everything is probably fine, there's no secrets anymore, and absolutely nothing else is going to go wrong in the town of Barley.

NEXT TIME: END OF DAYS!!! HOMICIDAL INTENT!!! THE SINISTER MACHINATIONS OF THE SHADOW-MAYOR OF WHEAT!!!

[youngjustusorbust]

Day two: Fairy tale/fantasy

I chose East of the Sun, West of the moon, but only actually finished the first half of it. Ill post that now but ill try to finish up the rest before the end of yjweek

Ao3

@youngjusticefanweek

~~~~

The last thing she expects when the dragon Draper sets her down is to be faced with three more animals, two of whom Cissie couldn't name if her life depended on it. And the way they're looking at her, it just might. 

One of them, a large golden cat-like animal looks unimpressed. The other, a golden bipedal thing that had a pouch in front and two long ears like a rabbit (mmm rabbit, Cissie's belly growls to remind her that she still hasn't eaten. Not since killing that wolf, that wolf that happened to be property of a dragon, hence why she was here. A life for a life, a fair trade. Not like her mother couldn't wait to get rid of her). Fluttering between them is a sparrow. The sparrow drops onto the big cat's head and says, in a voice too human to make Cissie at ease: "so, you're the new one?"

Cissie blinks at the bird. She shouldn't be surprised, not really. She's been forced into indenture to a dragon, why wouldn't his house guests speak? 

The bird leans towards the cat. "Maybe she can't speak?" It asks. 

"I can speak!" Cissie says, a little affronted. The bird flutters, like Cissie startled it. 

"Oh! Sorry!"

"Ignore him," the man-sized brown rabbit says. "Bart doesn't see new people very often."

"Bart?" The bird certainly has a human name.

"Yeah!" Bart crows--or, well, sparrows. "This is Kon," Bart says pecking at the cat it rides on who harumphs, "and that's Cassie." He points to the rabbit-thing. "We're going to be your new friends!" 

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Bart," Kon, apparently, says. He shakes his fur and Bart flutters off, only to land between Cassie's ears. "We don't even know if she's staying."

Cissie frowns at the animals. "Why wouldn't I be staying? I'm indentured."

If the looks could kill, the rabbit-thing certainly would have murdered the cat. "No reason, he's just grumpy. Come on, I'll show you to your room."

~~~

Clearly Cissie doesn't know anything about the world outside of her small town because if someone had asked her before she'd accidently indebted herself to a dragon where dragons lived, she would not have said 'a palace of ice,' but, here she is. In a palace of ice. 

Cassie knows where she's going and as they walk she gives Cissie a low-key tour. "Dining hall is through there, library through there, me and the boys sleep down that hall. And you're down here."

"Can I ask you a question?" Cissie asks hesitantly. 

Bart the sparrow turns around to face her. "You just did!" He chirps. 

"Sure," Cassie says, ignoring him. 

"What am I supposed to... do here?" 

Cassie slows down to hop by Cissie's side. "Mainly cleaning and hunting." At Cissie's expression, Cassie adds, "you do hunt, right?"

Well, that was what got her into this mess. Cissie's mother refused to hunt or work at all, practically, so Cissie did most of it. Then when she'd killed a wolf for what was going to be tonight's (maybe last night's, she wasn't sure what time it was) dinner, she hadn't even walked through the door, dragging the animal carcass behind her when Dragon Draper desended from the sky and told her mother in no uncertain terms that as punishment for killing an animal of a dragon she must work off her penance. With a healthy sack of gold, Cissie's mother practically threw her out of the house (even Bonnie King-Jones knew there was only so much you could bleed a dragon before they made you wish you hadn't). 

So yes, Cissie can hunt, but that doesn't mean she likes to. Then again, she isn't going to make that distinction to a very scary looking animal larger than she is. "I hunt," she says. 

"Good, there's no need to cook since all of us who take our meat, take it raw. Though you'll probably want to cook for yourself, I suppose." Cassie uses her oddly shaped hands to open Cissie's door. "You can put your stuff down here. Anything I can get you? We've all already eaten, so after you're done just head to sleep, and tomorrow we'll stsrt you on your chores."

Cissie blinks at the room. Unlike the rest of the castle, which seems to glow with a pearlesent light, her room is dark. It contains one wardrobe and a large canopied bed, too big for one person. Beside one side is a small table and an unlit candle in a holder. 

Cissie's belly growls and she remembers how hungry she is. "Something small to eat if you could."

"Sure thing, be back in a bit." Cassie hops out of the room and leaves Cissie to unpack. 

Cissie doesn't have much: just whatever furs she could find and stuff into a knapsack. She didn't even bring her bow and arrow (didn't really think she'd need it, hoped, maybe, that working for a dragon meant that she didn't have to hunt for food anymore). She'll have to borrow from Dragon Draper if he wants her to hunt. Huh, what a funny thought, borrowing weapons from a dragon. Cissie shakes her head a laughs to herself. 

The bed is soft, but way too big for one person. A breeze blows through the room and Cissie shivers. She's exhausted from the strangeness of today, and cold. She climbs under the covers and is half-asleep when Cassie comes back with her food sans Bart. 

"Thank you," Cissie says. 

Cassie shifts on her feet. "You're welcome."

"Aren't you cold?" Cissie asks between mouthfuls. 

Cassie shakes her head. "No, I'm-" she stops, as if she wants to say something but doesn't. She shakes her elongated head resolutely and says, "no, I'm not cold."

Cissie shrugs. These animals are weird. "What kind of animal are you anyway?" she asks. Then she flushes at how rude that sounded. "What I mean to say is, I've never seen an animal like you before."

"I'm not from here," Cassie explains, vaguely gesturing with her small hands to the ice palace. "I'm some somewhere down south. We're called kangaroos."

Kang-gah-roos. Cissie tries the word out on her mouth. "And what's Kon? I get that Bart's a sparrow." 

"Kon's also from down south, but not as far. He's a lion." Cissie tries that new word out on her tongue too and decides to commit both to memory. 

She finishes with her food quickly and Cassie takes back the plate. 

"Sleep well," Cassie says, and Cissie's so tired that she doesn't notice the dip as someone sits in her bed, once its so dark that no one could see anything if they wanted to. She doesn't feel the warmth of his back against hers, nor does she even wake until the ice palace around her glows with morning light, and her vistor is gone. She notices the sheets though, rumpled on the side of the bed she didn't sleep on, and she notices the way the mattress is still warm there. But she can't imagine why. 

~~~

The next morning she joins the animals in the dining room, even Dragon Draper is there, sitting at the head of his table but he says nothing all breakfast. 

Bart and Kon chat with her amiacably, clearly Kon's hesitance yesterday regular. They're excitable but nice, and Cassie spends most of the meal rolling her eyes at them. 

When Draper finally does speak, his voice is deep and stony. The other three fall silent. "I hope you've been informed of your duties."

Cassie glares at Draper but he doesn't seem to notice. 

"I, um, Cassie said that I had to hunt for you. I didn't being my bow."

Draper blinks his big ruby eyes at her as he deliberates. Draper is about ten feet tall--larger than Cassie's six feet--with a large black body with green accents and golden teeth. He's pretty terrifying, especially when he's silent like this.

Finally he says, "I have weapons you can use. Kon can show you where. Cassie and I must be heading out."

"Already?" Cassie asks. 

"Aw!" Bart whines. 

"How long will you be gone?" Cissie asks, already preparing for how many animals she'll have to hunt for lunch and dinner. Both Kon and Draper are carnivores, but Cassie and Bart seem to be okay with plants. Where they find the green in the middle of winter, Cissie has no idea.

"We'll return for supper," he says. He rises off of his hunches and hobbles past Cissie. "Let's head out." 

Cassie grumbles something that Cissie can't hear and hops after him. 

"Stuck up," Kon says. 

Cissie frowns. "Would it kill him to be nice?"

"Maybe," Bart says. He fluffs his feathers and takes flight. "Come on, I'll show you."

~~~

Cissie hunts down an elk, a moose, and a fawn, and splits them preportionally between Kon and Draper. 

She spends the rest of the day cleaning. Draper and Cassie come back to the palace so late that it's almost pitch black in Cissie's room when she finally falls into bed. 

She's tired, but she's still awake when she feels the other side of her bed dip. Someone was getting into her bed. 

Fear climbs into her throat. But the person just settles--they're smaller than her or curled up. Within seconds she can tell they're asleep by their heavy breathing. 

They don't try anything, and messing around was what got Cissie into this situation. So she closes her eyes, and drifts off to sleep, her toes warmed by their body-heat, so she can't really complain. 

In the morning the person is gone by the time Cissie wakes, all that's left of them is the residual heat of their body and the rumbled sheets. 

She asks Cassie about it at breakfast. "Is there someone else in this palace?" Because the person who climbed into her bed certainly wasn't any of the animals--ignoring size and just relying on smell. 

Cassie frowns as much as a kangaroo can frown and shakes her head. "No. Just the four-well, five of us. Why?"

Had she imagined it? Maybe she was just lonely. 

Cissie shook her head. "Never-mind."

"Careful out here in the cold!" Bart warns, settling on the top of her head. "It plays tricks on you humans." 

"Ignore him, he's superstitious," Kon says. 

A superstitious bird, Cissie is starting to wonder what else can possibly surprise her at this point. 

Draper continues to be stand-offish and cold towards her. The irony doesn't escape her. Cassie openly reprimands him for it and from the way Kon and Draper speak to one another, Cissie gets the feeling that they aren't exactly the best of friends. At least not in the way Bart is with both of them. 

Bart is by far the friendliest. He follows Cissie around and chirps to her as she cleans. He's forbidden to go hunting with her anymore though because he keeps scaring off the prey.

When Cissie returns to bed that night though, so did her mysterious visitor once the pitch had settled in. Cissie's glad for the extra warmth against the cold night, but now she's more sure than ever that the person on the other side of the bed from her is a human. And since Cassie seems positive that there are no other people, much less no other humans in the palace other than the five of them, Cissie isn't sure yet what she wants to do about it. 

Perhaps they are someone homeless? Who stay the castle as shelter during the horrible winter blizzards and night? But then why sleep in the bed with Cissie, surely they know as much as she does that they shared the bed with another? 

"You okay?" Bart asks as Cissie on her third full day with in the ice palace. 

"Fine." Her mysterious bedmate was annoying her though. "Bart?" She asks. 

"Yeah?"

"Why can you talk?" 

Bart shoots into the air, flitting around her head. "Whatdoyamean?"

"Well, normal animals can't talk," at least, sparrows can't. Cissie isn't sure about lions and kangaroos. "So why can you?"

Bart bursts into nervous laughter. Then stops, says, "I think Kon's calling me, ohyes! NowIhavetogo! Byeee Cissieee!" And flies away. 

Cissie knows something is wrong. Bart is trying, for some reason, to lie to her. He isn't good at it at all. 

~~~

Night four of Cassie's mysterious visitor comes. She tries to stay awake for them, as long as she can but she must eventually drift off to sleep because it isn't until she wakes up in the middle of the night that she notices them. 

They're still except for the rise and fall of their chest. Cissie hesitantly presses a hand to them. Definitely human. They don't awaken. 

She suddenly remembers the lamp by her bed, but she has no way to light it, and it's too cold to go looking. 

The person in her bed is an intrusion, but she doesn't want to get up, and it isn't as if she has anything to... worry about. Not like they try anything while they sleep. And the bed is definitely large enough for two. 

Cissie snuggles back into her bed but vows to find out the next night. 

~~~

Cissie is dusting in the library when something catches her eye: Spells for the Curious.

Cissie pulls it from the shelf and paws through it. She's so entranced that she doesn't notice Draper mosey up to her. He peeks over her shoulder and snaps: "Put that down!"

Cissie drops the book, jumping out of his grasp. "Sorry!" She cries. 

Draper narrows his ruby eyes at her. She feels a little like she's been put on a pedastal and surveyed. "What are you doing looking at magic anyway?" He asks suspiciously. 

Cissie scowls at him, clutching the duster tightly. "I wasn't. The book just looked interesting."

"Well, don't. The magic books in here aren't playthings. They're dangerous."

"Why do you have books anyway?" Cissie asks. "It's not like you can use them, you're a dragon. You don't have fingers."

Draper blinks at her for a moment before saying: "fingers?"

"Yes! No fingers! Therefore, you can't turn pages! In fact, the only one of you who seems remotely able to turn pages is Cassie, and she never comes down here!"

Draper blinks at her again. "My ability to turn pages is of no concern of yours."

But idea are sprouting in Cissie's head, questions that have been born into the back of her mind and have simmered unbeknownst to her until now, suddenly boiling. "And what about the others things?" She cries. 

"Other...?"

"This entire castle! What happened to your last humans? Who was your cleaner before me? This place was pretty clean, and what, you're going to tell me that your wolves keep getting killed and you keep indenturing humans? 'Cuz, I'll believe that. Or why do you even own wolves, or should I say wolf because I haven't seen any others since I've arrived! Every other animal here seems to be intelligent and can speak my language!

"How come there are so many empty rooms? Where is your bedroom and how come I never clean it? What about how this palace seems to be built for humans! You and Cassie duck into every room you come into! Where did Cassie and Kon come from anyway? I've never seen nor heard of lions nor kangaroos until now!" Finally exhausted, Cissie stops, heaving in angry breaths. 

Draper waits patiently, as if he expects her to continue, but at least for now she's done. She motions to him so, realizing as she waves that this is the most she's spoken to him since he came to take her away half a week ago. 

But Draper doesn't have anything to say. He just stares at her with those glittering deep red eyes until Bart flies right into him. 

"Oh! Thereyouare!"

Draper fumbles and turns slightly. "Hi, Bart."

"There's an issue with the-"

Draper makes a growling noise in his voice. Bart frowns and flutters around his head.

"What?" He asks. 

Draper looks pointedly at Cissie, who's fists are on her hips. 

Bart blanches, well, as much as a bird can. "Oh! Cissie! Hi! Ididn'tseeyou!"

"Hi, Bart. What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Bart says. 

"It's a friend of mine," Draper mutters. "Should we go?"

"Kon and Cassie are waiting for you outside. I was voted to stay behind." And if Cissie isn't mistaken, she's sure that he's a little put out. She's not sure if she should be offended or not. 

But that friend of his must be where Draper's been going most days. "Will you be back for dinner?" Cissie asks. She'd killed enough for everyone, but if they're leaving now... 

Draper falters. "Actually, Bart-"

"What?" Bart asks. 

"You go. I'll stay here with... our... guest." 

Servant, Cissie grumbles in her head. 

"But-!"

"Bart," Draper says in a way that clearly says: I won't talk about this in front of Cissie, but you know why you have to do what I say. 

Bart pouts, or as much as a bird can pout, and says "fine," before flying away. 

"So, just us tonight, huh?" Cissie asks, trying not to sound as nervous as she felt. 

"Yes," Draper says. He stomps away, and says over his shoulder, "I'll see you at dinner." 

Cissie doesn't realize until he's gone that she has more questions now than she had before. 

~~~

Draper is clearly in a bad mood. He stays in a bad mood all day, and snaps at Cissie when she tries to ask him more questions. 

She's so absorbed in questions and angry at Draper that she doesn't even think about her nighttime visitor until the morning, when she sees the hole they left in the sheets. 

Cassie, Kon, and Bart return the next morning, all glum. 

"Where were you?" Cissie asks Cassie as she cleans. 

Cassie glances over her shoulder at Draper who scowls and gives Cissie a half-shrug. "Visiting a friend." For some reason, Cissie doesn't really believe her. 

But she does remember her bedtime visitor. Tonight, she brings a match and flint to bed. She climbs in, and when her visitor joins, she pretends to be asleep. 

Then, when they're finally settled in her bed and their breathing has settled into a sleep-rhythm, Cissie strikes the match and lights the candle. 

Cissie's dark room alights. Cissie gently pulls down the blanket, and there, back towards her, is a boy. He has sickly pale skin, and deep dark spots under his eyes. He wears a black sleeping ensamble. He must be her age, but he's certainly smaller than her. Raven black hair falls into his face. 

"Ah!" Cissie cries as a drop of wax falls from the candle onto her finger. 

"Gah!" The boy beneath her yelps. He opens his eyes, as blue as the ice palace around them, and glances down to where another drop of melted wax fell onto him. 

He blinks up at her. "Cissie?" He asks. 

Cissie recognizes that voice. 

"Oh, come on," Not-So-Much-A-Dragon Draper hisses under his breath, "and I only had one night left!"

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

All right, more writing advice has occurred to me, as promised, so here it is.

Writing Advice #2: Find a scene you like in a story you enjoy and dissect it.

I say a scene you like, not a scene you love, because honestly you’re probably never going to enjoy the scene again by the time you’re done.  BUT.

Find a good scene in a good book, and list as many observations about the scene as you possibly can.  Figure out: what does that scene accomplish?  How does it follow on from past scenes?  How does it set up future scenes?  What does it do for the characters and/or plot?  Most importantly, how did the author make it do that?  Do it in a macro level, for plot and character and theme.  Do it on a micro level, for individual word choices.

I’ll use an example from #22: The Solution, because this is me and I never shut up about Animorphs.  And I’m gonna do just a macro-level breakdown, to see how that scene fits within the book to understand why I like it so much.

One of my favorite scenes from #22 involves the entire extended Berenson family crowding into a hospital room to witness the “miraculous” “recovery” of “Saddler” — really David using Saddler’s DNA to sneak into Saddler’s family — before Jake and Rachel, the only two Berensons in the know, step out into the hallway.  In classic Berenson style they deal with their feelings by shouting and nearly coming to blows... but they gradually open up to each other about the fact that they’re both feeling scared and helpless right now.  They actually hug, the only time we ever see Jake and Rachel show that much affection, and resolve to handle this David-Saddler situation together.  The Hallway Scene (as Cates and I call it) is p. 107 - 113 in #22, most of Chapter 21.

So how does Applegate set that scene up?

First of all, we get exposition on the Saddler situation.  It comes up twice earlier in the book — once in the form of Naomi giving Rachel an update while Rachel staggers off to bed after fighting David all night, once in the form of Jordan seeking Rachel’s big-sister comfort about the situation in a conversation Rachel later realizes David overheard.  Both of those moments mean it makes sense when Rachel’s struggle against David gets interrupted by her mom bringing her to the hospital to visit an injured cousin.  That moment with Jordan also sets up David’s decision to kill and replace Saddler, while on the surface being a tough-but-sweet moment between sisters.  So the reader understands the Saddler situation pretty well, and thus it’s equipped to drive the plot.  We also don’t need exposition about it during The Hallway Scene, and can thus focus on just the characters there.

Second, we get Jake and Rachel’s dynamic.  The book opens with Rachel going into a rage and promising to murder David when she discovers Jake lying on the floor of the mall.  Through the planning and execution of the Hulk Smash the team does on the G8 summit, we see that Jake and Rachel work together seamlessly during emergencies — and that they fall into bickering once the emergency ends.  Later, we get Rachel’s first attempt to confront Jake about his willingness to use her as a weapon against David as they’re on Jake’s front porch, only to have Jake cut Rachel off with a reminder that Tom is inside the house.  All of these scenes build up the tension between Jake and Rachel but allow it no release until The Hallway Scene.

Third, we get the mood.  Rachel misses her first night of sleep in the opening sequence, when Ax gets her out of bed and she ends up hunting David clear until dawn.  Rachel misses her second night of sleep when the Animorphs resort to a smash ‘n’ burn on the G8 summit.  Rachel misses her ability to catch up on sleep when Jordan comes into her room, and then David reveals he’s been in her room as well for an unknown amount of time.  Not only has she been without rest for the past three days, she’s been unable to relax anywhere: David might be in her house, David might be in her school, David might be in Cassie’s barn, David might be Marco, David might be crawling on her skin.  Rachel and Jake’s confrontation is dangerously close to being public — they’re in a hallway of a hospital — but they’re exhausted and have nowhere else to go.

Fourth, the book sets up the contrast between appearance and reality within the Berenson family.  Obviously the whole series is about how appearances are misleading, but this book has several moments with Rachel reflecting on her mall-rat past self and realizing that that girl is a killer now.  There’s also the moment where she says “[Jake] was sitting there, looking like any other kid stuck in any other boring minivan.  If you saw him walk down the street you might think, Oh, there’s a nice-looking guy... /But then, I guess that’s true of everyone.  You can never be sure whether the pretty blond lugging a pair of bulging Express bags through the mall is just another sweet, ditzy, harmless mall rat.  /Or me.”  Rachel is conscious that the Berenson family is simultaneously the most “nice-looking” (white, upper-class, close, mostly nuclear) and in some ways the messiest family even on their whole team of messy families.

Their very closeness is what makes Tom’s yeerk so capable of hurting Jake and Steve — as Tobias points out in #31, any yeerk in his family could just tell his guardians to fuck off and that’d be the end of it.  Their very closeness is what enables Jake to trust Rachel up to the point of asking her to commit murder, and what enables Rachel to trust Jake up to the point of committing murder on his say-so.  But it’s not until The Hallway Scene that we see Rachel’s understanding of “appearances are deceiving, especially in this family” and her understanding of “I’m a lot more scared of myself than anyone realizes” coalesce onto the epiphany of “oh wait, Jake feels the same way I do.”

So how does that scene set up the rest of the book?

This breakdown’s a little simpler, because this scene is 75% of the way through the book and 95% of the way through the trilogy.

First, it takes away a lot of David’s power, because being vulnerable with each other allows Rachel and Jake bring the team dynamic back in line.  All of a sudden David’s attempts to sow discord — calling Rachel a monster, gloating about killing Tobias, pretending to be Marco — shift from being terrifying and heartbreaking to being... there.  Rachel has all the power in that scene in the Taco Bell, even though David continues to think that he has the power, and part of the reason that’s true is that she has her team at her back now.

Second, it sets up the resolution.  The Hallway Scene allows Jake and Rachel to confront their own brutality, and to a certain extent they choose to embrace that brutality because they see no other way out of the situation.  Thus Jake green-lights Cassie’s plan to trap David as a rat, and Rachel does the dirty work of executing that plan.

Third, it prepares several other moments of uniquely brutal vulnerability between these two later on in the series.  Jake morphs howler for the first time while cradled between Rachel’s grizzly-bear paws, because she’s the one he trusts to kill him instantly if he can’t control the morph (#26).  Rachel spends the entirety of #37 denying that she got a civilian killed until the moment she can finally talk to Jake about it, and Jake all-but confesses to having done the same.  Jake can’t bring himself to ask Rachel directly to kill Tom in a suicide mission, but Rachel understands what he’s saying all the same, and makes him agree in exchange not to blame himself for their deaths (#53).

Fourth, it shifts the mood away from the kids feeling more and more trapped in their ever-shrinking corner, toward the kids realizing they’ve all got each other in that corner.  David’s fate is a terrible secret binding the team together, and it’s the reason that these six never really trust anyone but each other ever again in the series.  Jake’s scared of himself, Rachel’s scared of herself, but at least from here on out they can be scared together.

Why’s The Hallway Scene so impactful?

Contrast, mostly.  For instance, Applegate could’ve written a scene where Rachel reacts to finding out that Michelle’s and the other vets’ intervention kept Jake alive long enough for him to demorph and survive David’s attack.  There could’ve even been a scene with Rachel hugging Jake in a thank-god-you’re-alive way, processing the earlier emotion of having found him dying on the floor of the mall.  However, if we had gotten that moment, then it wouldn’t be nearly as surprising or as bittersweet when Jake and Rachel hug in the hospital hallway.  In canon, we get told-not-shown about the aftermath of Jake being rescued, and Rachel just assumes that neither she nor Jake needs a hug after all that because they’re Built Berenson Tough and must be fine.

Another hypothetical: Applegate could’ve set that same scene somewhere safe for them to talk freely, like the clock tower or another location David doesn’t know.  Or she could’ve set the scene somewhere completely unsafe, like Saddler’s hospital room where both Tom and David are within earshot.  However, setting it somewhere completely safe would raise the possibility that Jake and Rachel morph and attempt to do real violence to each other.  The scene wouldn’t work as well if they had quite that much freedom of expression, and quite that little urgency about talking things out right now.  Setting it somewhere unsafe might have interesting implications if they’re forced to use doublespeak the whole time (as we see them doing on the phone) but wouldn’t allow them enough space to be as emotionally vulnerable as we see them being in canon.  Forcing them to have the appearance of a normal conversation from a distance, while also allowing them to say what they will without fear of eavesdroppers, gives us exactly the right balance of tension.

How’d Applegate to it?

Not in the first draft, I guarantee you.  Attempting to fit a scene that well into a book that doesn’t yet fully exist is quite simply impossible.  Maybe there was a scene where Rachel gave Jake a thank-god-you’re-not-dead hug after Michelle fixed him, and it got taken out later.  Maybe the Saddler situation was originally explained as Rachel was already on her way to the hospital, and the exposition got deliberately moved to an earlier and less-tense moment in the plot.  Point being, it took writing and rewriting and rerewriting to get the book to fit together that well, and the same is true of any book that flows well in its entirety.

My other guess about what went on behind the scenes: lots of prewriting.  Lots of outlining the whole series, lots of “what would Rachel do?”, lots of research on elephants and rats and dolphins and eagles.

All of that is work.  All of that is a pain.  All of that is returning to a project even after the glow of initial excitement is gone.  All of that is fighting the urge to scream and yeet the draft after getting criticism.  But books don’t function if you don’t put that much work into them.

[its-oat-freaking-meal]

Planning to start tonight when I’m done with work stuff, but first I’m going to write down basic memories I have of the characters without looking stuff up or clarifying if I’m right: 

Jake, The Leader: Ax calls him “Prince Jake.” All these kids were going through some shit, but he was often the one who had to make the call on tough moral decisions. Had way too many feelings for just one (1) heart. A lot of what I remember about him besides his Heavy Burden Of Being The Leader stuff involved his brother Tom. Everything with Jake and Tom was sad and tense and some very good stuff if I recall. Also, that book where he temporarily got a Yerk in his head was one of my favorites. 

Marco, The Funny One: Source of so much terrible 90s humor. Honestly even as a kid I remember thinking his jokes were kind of cheesy a lot, but he did deliver a line that made me laugh so hard that it stuck in my head for over 20 years and is the title of this blog. He nearly quit early on after a really traumatic experience, (which stuck with me too. I can still remember the image of him crying in the shower after ): ) but came back when he learned his mom was a controller. Joined Jake in the “doin’ it for our family” boat. Honestly I think he used humor to cover his anger a lot. 

Cassie, The Sensitive One: Loves animals. I think her family does wildlife rescue or something? I remember there always being wounded animals around her that she was lovingly tending to. Also sometimes think that she was fighting more for them than the human race, which is valid. Is into biology and zoology and stuff, is also frequently the group’s hookup for access to exotic animals. I think the ethical dilemmas they dealt with were particularly heavy for her? There was one book (another of my favorites) where she got in an argument about the ethics of subjugating one species to help your own and turned into a butterfly as a compromise. Iconic.

Rachel, The Badass Fighter, Except It’s About The Horrors Of War So The Badass Fighter Is A More Complicated Figure, But Also She’s Still A Fucking Kid Give Her A Break: The others called her “Xena, Warrior Princess” (which I assume means she’s gay) I remember this because, if memory serves, they mention it in every single goddamned book. She was pretty and popular and into sports if I recall. Strong queen bee energy. I remember she was frequently accused of enjoying the fight a little too much, which, tfw you’re like 14 or something and your friends keep commenting on your thirst for battle.

Ax, The SPACE FRIEND!!: Little brother of the space prince that gave the others their powers, cannot fucking handle having a mouth and a sense of taste. Lots of good “alien fish out of water” and “alien trying and failing to act like a normal human” moments with this guy. Is kind of a snob at first but comes around, can’t help that his head is full of Andalite propaganda. Fun alien shenanigans aside, a lot of his story has to do with slowly and painfully realizing how much of Andalite society kind of sucks, while also coming to appreciate humanity and develop a friendship with the others. Lives in the woods with Tobias, where they bond over being the best two characters.

Tobias, The Sensitive One 2.0 This One’s A Hawk: TOBIAS!!!! Did I fall in love with characters who have an ambivalent/ relationship with their own humanity because of Tobias, or did my love for this trope make me love him? Either way, Tobias is awesome. Starts out as a Troubled Teen from Circumstances, then immediately got stuck in his hawk morph. A lot of “I don’t even know if I’m a human anymore, what is humanity anyway” stuff. Eventually acquires his own DNA via time travel, and after that there’s the knowledge that he could always change back and live as a normal kid without having to eat mice or commit war crimes, but he chooses to stay. Probably a combination of wanting to help the others and not being 100% sure being a Troubled Teen from Circumstances is better than being a feral hawk. A good listener, too. I remember him playing the group therapist a lot, probably because he has a lot of time to think.

Some particularly memorable stories that come to mind when thinking back:

The One Where Jake Gets Yerked And They Stuff Him In The Shed For A Week

The One Where Ax Eats All The Cinnamon Buns

The One Where Ants Cause Great Trauma

The One Where Rachel Is Allergic To A Crocodile And Goes On TV

The One Where War Crimes Are Contemplated With Maple Flavored Oatmeal

The One Where Shitty All Seeing Aliens Show Them The Future And It Really Really Sucks

The One Where Sharks Get Smart

The One Where There’s A Yerk Chat Room

The One Where Cassie Turns Into A Caterpillar Because She STICKS TO HER PRINCIPLES

The One Where Tobias Learns The Shocking Truth Of His Birth But Forgets How To Look Surprised

The One Where Tobias Almost Gets Eaten By A Fucking Raccoon And It’s The Most Terrifying Thing I Ever Read

The One Where Another Kid Joins And Is Just A Real Shit So They Make Him A Rat And It’s Morally Uncomfortable

The Andalite Chronicles: Where Elfangor Gets Freaked Out By Shoes, Drinks Dr. Pepper and Sees A Man That’s All Pimple Because There Wasn’t Enough Body Horror In This Series Already