#cause my activity levels are never able to be tracked

[kirby-the-gorb]

a couple people coincidentally reblogged my rare disease day post from [last year] so. here's how that's been going. (some of this is repeat info if you click the link)

I have mast cell activation syndrome (or MCAS), an immune disorder in which my signaling cells are way too jumpy and can trigger all kinds of symptoms (up to and including anaphylaxis) in response to seemingly harmless stimuli. this is distinct from allergies as whether or not I react to a trigger can change from day to day based on how many other triggers are present, and the chemical mediators released cover a broader spectrum than just the IgE release in a classical allergic reaction. plus oftentimes symptoms are a mix of episodic and chronic, rather than being acute episodes like allergies.

triggers can be commonly understood things like certain food ingredients or scent chemicals, but can also include things like hormone fluctuations, physical or mental exertion, and the sun. I have reacted to ginger, laundry detergent, and a natural gas furnace, for example. I also do a lot worse in summer because it is both sunny and warm, and I always have to be very careful how much energy I use up or I might trigger anaphylaxis.

it's common for people with MCAS to have some level of symptoms all their life, that go unnoticed or dismissed until some precipitating event causes a substantial downturn in their condition. for me it was mono, but other infections (especially covid) and significant stressful events have also been anecdotally reported to precipitate downturns if I recall correctly, or simply being uncontrolled enough for long enough can also snowball.

diagnostic criteria for MCAS were first proposed in 2010, so the true rarity is still very up in the air. (personally I believe a lot of common wastebin diagnoses (ibd, fibro, cfs/me, etc) should be scrutinized very carefully as potential "specialty silos" of MCAS, especially given how often they tend to travel together.)

firstline treatments for MCAS include cheap medications available over the counter like loratadine, aspirin, and famotidine. my condition has become severe enough that I'm currently on third-line treatment (omalizumab injections), which does finally seem to be getting me somewhere. (this is, of course, in addition to still taking all of the first- and second-line treatments. I take 24 units of 13 medications in a given day, it's a lot to keep track of. to the point where I'm not actually sure I've counted it correctly :v then there's my monthly injections and my emergency medications on top of that.)

(those injections btw? can cost thousands of dollars even with insurance. thankfully I'm able to use the company's assistance program, so I don't pay anything out of pocket. for that one.)

being sick is never fun, but if you have a disease perceived as rare it introduces a ton of new complications. (which get even more complicated when the disease is legit super rare!) it took me a long time to figure out what was wrong with me, and I had to do it almost entirely by myself, because doctors simply don't have the knowledge. they're not taught to look for it and there's no simple reliable test. but by yammering about it, it might make someone else's slog a tiny bit shorter <3

[inchidentally]

“Of course, we want to go out and beat each other every weekend, but we're never going to cross that line that's going to cause damage that can't be repaired."

this line messes with my brain chemistry so hard, cause they've both talked about wanting to become world champions with mclaren and they know things are going to get heated at some point, but it's the resolute they have in wanting to maintain the relationship they currently have that makes them so special to me

they've been asked by the media if they see a nico and lewis type situation forming and they've just said we'll have to see, but i like to believe internally they've both talked and come to the same conclusion- we're not gonna end up like the others, we're not gonna end up at point where we stop talking to each other or can't even say the other's name

it's all so aksdhkjhkjg

honestly it's so telling the way they've just started joking that they're gonna recreate 2007 etc that they're both so tired of the Lewis/Nico comparisons

as someone who l o v e s the drama of br0cedes and and even loved getting the lore posts about Esteban and Pierre it is wiiiiild how landoscar keep getting classed with these legacy unique angst ships. now ! carland0 would've been the closest recent example that would've end up like them bc the recipe for those big dramatic fall outs is that the two drivers form a big friendship and bond that involves a childhood bond. Carlos literally raised Lando the rest of the way and would call him a moody teenager and 'you need to mature' and roughhouse with him like a little kid etc. those are the relationships where they just don't bother thinking about what competing might do and convince themselves they'll be fine. and bam then the first battle happens and all that innocent trusting friendship collides with real life racing for wins and championships and it flips over into hurt feelings, angry words and not even attempts like the fix-it golf dates of 2022 working.

and Lando's battles with Max last season got close to that level of we've been friends and rivals since childhood and now we're clawing past eo for wins - but they weren't teammates so they could still get past even the bitterest on track moments and remain friends. and Carlos said that he and Lando are better off not teammates bc their on track rivalry can be easier and less complicated.

but Lando and Oscar didn't push or force any kind of bond or friendship at all and focused their early relationship entirely on this new open-door policy between the garages (except for during races ofc) and discovered they want the same things from the car and have always had their separate little debriefs even back when they spent minimal time together - and since end of 2023 they've talked about battling each other for championships and not wanting to ruin their relationship and not wanting to let the team down by prioritizing the WDC over the team's hard work.

so that's why I say yea we're fully gonna see contact, probably crashes (hopefully not too many and not too bad) and periods where they don't talk etc. but unlike teammates who are in denial or who just assume they'll be fine, none of this is going to take them by surprise. they're never just assuming they'll be okay, they're actively talking about how to deal with it when they have to make those split second decisions and it makes the difference between one getting the championship over the other. and even if they weren't, they've got the whole of fandom and the media telling them this fallout WILL happen and asking them to answer for fights that haven't even happened yet aslfgasjfgsal

and I totally agree anon, it's one of the things I think that makes them so compelling is the open honestly they have about all of this. that we've been able to watch them slowly become closer while they've also been openly navigating how them being "the strongest" !! teammate pairing and hoping to be one of the longest lived pairings is what's propelled themselves and McLaren back to the front after decades languishing BUT also brings with it the most crucial and fiercest battles being between each other.

we got no PR dates or content to smooth over Hungary or Monza. nobody made them fake anything for the sake of fans and McLaren isn't even as invested in landoscar as a pairing as they are still with carland0 salfgslajfgljsa. and ignoring the usual staged content on DTS, we got the authenticity of Lando's reaction to Hungary as well as Oscar not putting a PR front when asked if he'd be okay with being number 2. but none of it was over the top or melodramatic. they never swing wildly from fan-forward friendship to unhinged angry media pen quotes.

they never feel like they're playing catch up at all and there's this level of maturity and mutual agreement and discussion that is getting completely missed by media and most of fandom simply bc everyone can't wait for the drama to finally pay off big.

but fr the thing that makes them unique is how long and how mutually they've been preparing for this and how honest they're allowing themselves to be with each other and with the media/fans. it's one thing for teammates to talk up not wanting to fall out which is the usual line that's taken. but I love that Lando and Oscar are admitting that all they can do is hope to do right by the team and stay on the same page as much as possible. it's not about pretending that everything will all work itself out just fine, it's them wanting to to establish how they'll react to things get truly difficult.

[yuri-is-online]

Reading the Room at a 5th Grade Level: MC's Curse and Taiga's Memory Issues???

Hi. My name is Yuri and I am an idiot. You see, when I downloaded Tokyo Debunker and I saw what happened to the MC I was confused. "Why did everything go red?" I asked myself. "It's like we were in another dimension!" I unhelpfully said at some point probably. Well I finally googled the name of the station the MC said "was not her usual stop" and guess what? I should have done that way fucking sooner because it's related to a Japanese urban legend, much like Takeru in Episode 2. And helps me with what I noticed yesterday while I was re-reading the Hotarubi episode.

This post contains spoilers for Hotarubi's Episode, viewer discretion is advised.

When the MC is contacted by the spirit who allegedly curses her she is riding the train home from a concert. She receives a text message from someone with a spider lily profile picture, in English their user name is "Mina." Before we are confronted by Mina, the conductor announces that the train's next stop is Kisaragi Station, a station that dear reader, does not exist. It's also extremely famous! But I am not smart or up to date on horror things so I didn't know (⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄) so sorry if this is all stuff you guys already knew.

Kisaragi Station

The original post about Kisaragi station was, as best I can tell, made on a site called 2chan, which is a Japanese anonymous forum. I was able to find a post about it on r/nosleep from 2019 which claims that people started posting about it on reddit in 2010, and another post on Quora translating a thread that was posted to twitter. There are a few common themes to the urban legend, but there are three I find particularly relevant to our situation.

The station is believed to be on the border of our world and the "other world." It is possible to leave the station, we will get into how in a moment, but attempting to leave it by following the train tracks will get you killed. Especially if you attempt to cross through the train tunnel, that will take you across the point of no return. The original post describes hearing the sound of drums and bells, similar to a Japanese festival, that get louder the closer you get to the tunnel. Accepting rides from people in the vicinity of the station will also kill you. Cell service is active in the area, but you aren't able to find location information and people will not be able to find you. The anomaly on the train we see isn't tied to Kisaragi Station as far as I can tell, and I have been combing through various yokai to see if I can find anything like it but so far I haven't had much luck.

Back to how to leave the station, you have to light something on fire. Specifically something that causes smoke. Paper seems to be the most common suggestion. It's a small detail, but since the game starts with us seeing the school on fire I thought it was an interesting thing to note.

I added Taiga into the title of the post as in the translated twitter thread, the concept of memory loss the longer you stay in Kisaragi is brought up. We never actually see Taiga leave the station, and the MC only leaves it because Haku does something with his artifact. In Episode 5 Haku says he was not using his stigma to put the children's spirits to rest, implying that spiritual energy adn stigmas are different powers he can use. I am going to propose something kind of crazy at the end of this entire post about Haku, but for now just dealing with the facts presented in game he specifically says he "cordoned off" the area. Does he mean that he took the train to Kisaragi station? Or was MC always going there? And if he was the one responsible for doing that then uh. How did Taiga leave the station and get back to Darkwick? Was he trapped there and did he wander around for a long time, doing permanent damage to his memory in the process? Or am I over thinking this and he lost track of the anomaly and lit something on fire so he could leave. I like the idea of him lighting the station on fire and the ghosts asking him to leave, but that's probably not what happened lol

Red

When the train reaches Kisaragi Station in game, the color pallet swaps to red. Much like it does in Episode 5 when MC receives a certain visitor:

We learn later on that this is Zenji, and that Zenji is dead. MC seems to be reacting to his presence and I would like to think that the color choice is deliberate. If we go back to Episode 2, Takeru only has light amounts of red shading around him in his comic panels, when he kills the streamer and when Alan beats the shit out of him are two that immediately come to mind. Interacting with him does not turn the world red like interacting with Zenji or Kisaragi Station does, further strengthening Leo's conclusion about him being a Talupa and not a ghost as this red tint seems to be used for when MC is interacting with the spirit world. Which I am once again asking, how did Taiga get home from Kisaragi Station? Did he carjack a Taxi ghost?

This raises some questions about the anomaly that cursed MC. Is it a ghost and is it something unique to Japan? And if neither of those things are true then why was Haku there? I can think of two reasons for him to be there: the first is if he is there to keep an eye on Taiga for Cornelius/the Institute because Sinostra is on probation but they need him (he was specifically assigned this mission because of how aggressive he is) or it was meant to be a Hotarubi mission because it fit their criteria but Haku couldn't handle it so they arranged for Taiga to come along with him. That last thing is sort of countered by Haku saying that he doesn't think Hotarubi would be able to help with the MC's curse, but he could be lying about that I suppose.

Anyway who wants to hear my really stupid out there reason for why Haku is there-

The Part of the Show Where I do a line of coke Cope

So hear me out, what if Haku's stigma is time travel. So in this post on the subreddit donsaadali suggested that the powers you pick from in the personality test are powers the ring could give MC. I had the thought before that maybe it was a list of stigmas that the various characters had completely forgetting about the time travel line. But it does sort of fit with my line of thinking: make people follow my orders? That's Jin. Elemental powers? Towa. The others: extreme luck, never having to sleep, shapeshifting, and gravity control aren't ones that we have concrete information about but I am tempted to say that "extreme luck" could be Taiga, as turning things into ammo struck me as a quality of his artifact and not his stigma but I'm not really convinced of that. Anyway, if Haku can time travel, he could go back in time, pick up MC, and bring her back to Darkwick even if that's not what happened in the first place and Taiga was the one who brought her back the first time! But why he would do that is lost on me. Well not completely lost, I do think he wants to "help" her but with what and why is not something I have a theory on just yet.

To be clear, that was just me spitballing. I do not really think that Haku's stigma is time travel, there isn't enough evidence for me to think that. I do think that if there is a timeloop going on he is probably aware of it, but again. I don't know why.

Sources

Translated original post (x)

The above post also has a youtube video linked at the top if you want an audio version of the post and some other train related stories

Translated Twitter thread (x)

Shitty r/nosleep post (x)

[idyllphile]

🫐3 and 6 for nacho!

throw this character at any other character of your choice to bounce off each other as outsider pov to each other— regardless of timeline or logistics (crossovers allowed if you're interesting about it). why this combination? what insights would they have on each other?

this might be an obvious answer, but I really think it'd be really interesting to get Nacho and Kim's perspectives of each other! they're both complex people in sort of similar ways, but moving in opposite directions; Kim is breaking bad, while Nacho is trying to break good

I think Nacho would see through Kim's sharp and competent professional attitude and recognize that she's laying down the tracks for her own train wreck. he'd have a little sympathy for her resentment towards her bosses - he definitely gets it - but as we know, Nacho is not a vengeful person and actively dislikes the kind of reckless and emotional behavior that revenge-seeking causes. he would respect her intelligence, her persuasive abilities, and her guts, though. if he'd heard about how she defused the situation with Lalo (or especially if he'd been there to see it) he would've been seriously impressed

as for Kim's perspective on Nacho... I have to admit, I'm not as attuned to her character as I am to his, but I believe she would be able to tell he's an honorable person at his core, despite the things he does. I think she would see the similarities between them; they're both ambitious, they both have complicated relationships with their parents (though for opposite reasons), and they're both more morally flexible than they'd really like to be. if Nacho were ever her client, he'd be one of the ones she truly believed deserved the second chance she was fighting to get him

weave a web of dynamics through the cast for this character: which dynamics are you most interested in? both canonically and through extrapolation/speculation— which dynamics are the richest to you, and why?

the characters whose dynamics with Nacho interest me the most (in no particular order) are Mike, Lalo, Gus, Tuco, and Jimmy! I'll be quick about explaining them all:

Mike - I love the unrealized pseudo-father/son thing Mike and Nacho had; they clearly respected each other from the get-go, and trust came very quickly on Nacho's end. they really could've been Crime Dad and Crime Son if it weren't for that meddling Gustavo Fring (or, to take a different angle, they could've had insanely weird psychosexual tension and fucked crazy)

Lalo - I'm a lacho shipper lol. a big one. there was some surface-level attraction on Lalo's side from their first scene, in my opinion, and the fact that Lalo eventually decides he trusts Nacho enough to bring him to his hacienda and present him to Don Eladio for promotion (kind of come-home-and-meet-the-parents, honestly) says a lot!

Gus - I wish I knew who first described Gus as having a 'Frollo-Esmeralda' type deal for Nacho, because that literally describes them perfectly in a ship context lmao. non-shippy, I've seen it said that Gus hates Nacho because (in addition to him having worked for the Salamancas) he sees himself in him; a young man too ambitious for his own good who brings his loved one into danger because of his choice to be a criminal. I agree, and with resentment stemming from something as deep as that, it would be really interesting to see their dynamic in an even slightly less hostile context, such as Gus not having Nacho killed and keeping him on through to BrBa, and the two of them becoming familiar just through repeated interaction

Tuco - doomed best friends... I wish so much that we could've gotten anything about their relationship before Tuco got into the product and went nuts. aside from, you know, a story about an earlier time he got into the product and went nuts. they started out with genuine love for each other!! never forget that!! and if you also ship them (like I do), it's exactly as tragic and painful but you can think about them having sex as well :)

Jimmy - come on, it's funny and cute how Jimmy is literally the only person who we ever see make Nacho genuinely smile (aside from his father)! their dynamic in the early days of the show was taken from us too soon, RIP scared Jimmy and Nacho messing with him for kicks </3

also Victor but that's all in my head lol so I won’t get into it here

[hunterthecharmer]

Unexpected - Part 5

Summary: You work for an events company and end up being assigned as a talent handler for a 2 week long convention. Your co-worker ends up assigned to Glen Powell, but you catch his eye. Can you remain professional and keep him from knowing you're actually a pretty big fan of his?

To catch up, here is my MASTERLIST

Days have passed with the convention, with all the handlers speeding to and from all of the trailers on property to get the talent to all their events. You and Savannah had barely been able to catch up with each other and before you know it, you’re waking up on the last week of the con. It had been a great weekend, Dylan dividing his time through almost all the events offered each day. You were going to miss the banter with him and his easy going attitude.

The feedback from all the attendees was also starting to pour in, your email inbox full of them each day from Anne. It was getting you excited for the next event, which got you wondering if you’d be able to be a part of it again. You tuck it into the back of your mind, wanting to bring it up to your boss once you are back at the office.

You slip into the shower to get ready for the day, throwing on some jeans, a white flowy blouse and some sneakers before jumping on your golf cart to meet the other handlers before an event that day- everyone needed to grab and set up the materials needed for a sip and paint going on that day, that all of the talent were invited to. “Savannah! Hey, wait up!” You call after her, and you watch as she stops in her tracks, face lighting up at the sight of you.

“There you are, stranger! Get over here,” she pulls you in for a hug. “I don’t care what our guys need, you and I are not going to leave each other’s sides today!” You giggle at her playful seriousness, tugging on her elbow to grab the boxes inside the warehouse. 

“I actually have a lot to tell you.” You say discreetly to her, once no one else is within earshot. Everyone is scattered around the lawn building the easels for today’s activity, setting out all the brushes and paint colors nearby. Savannah bites her lip in excitement, “Spill!”

You tell her all about your rainy night at Glen’s cabin, and how you haven’t spoken to him much since last week. Savannah is quiet for a moment, processing all you’ve said. “Look, the friend in me wants to scream to everyone here that you kissed your celebrity crush but, the coworker in me wants to smack you back to reality. What were you-” You cut her off, “I get it, I get it! I know it was risky, okay? But it isn’t like I came onto him. You know I would never do something like that. I tried to leave, but he was a gentleman to let me wait out the storm..” Your voice trails off, your mood suddenly deflating. Savannah frowns. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. Glen’s one of the nicest guys I have ever met, but we don’t know if he’s a player or not. Same goes for Dylan, and everyone else here! I hope you get where I’m coming from.” She searches your face for a response, but when you remain silent, continuing to busy yourself with setting up, she offers a wink and a nudge. “But enough with the pessimism. Was he a good kisser or what?” 

You meet her eyes again, smiling wide. “The best!”

--- Savannah’s POV---

Savannah drives up to Glen’s cabin, debating whether or not her idea was a good one or not. She really cared about you, and celebrity or not, you deserved to know if he thought of you as a one nighter or actually had some type of real feelings. Once he’s on the cart, he instantly begins chatting her up, just like usual, but Savannah is quiet. “Earth to Savannah. Are you even on this planet right now?” Glen’s chuckle breaks her out of her daze, causing her to swerve the cart into the grass, pushing the break to bring them to a stop. “Glen, I’m gonna level with you here, but I need you to be honest,alright? Off the record.” She questions, eyes narrowing at him.

Glen nods, “Yeah, sure off the record. What’s going on?” he asks, clearly confused.

Savannah takes a deep breath, “When I was sick, my coworker took over your schedule and everything, right?” 

Glen nods, “Right.” 

She continues, “And the night your dad got sent to the hospital, you were communicated with about that in a timely manner, right?”

Glen’s eyebrows stitch together, unsure where she’s headed with this. “Yeah…”

“So, you didn’t read it online or anything, right? I just need to be sure, because I have a thread of texts regarding that night and I just don’t want it to seem like I didn’t do my job. Yes I was sick, but..if this were to be an issue I could lose my job!” Savannah fakes her reasoning for the question, trying to see if Glen will expand on how he found out, or even give more details.

Instead, he just shrugs. “No, you don’t have anything to worry about. Your coworker let me know immediately, hell she even drove through the storm to come and tell me since I didn’t hear my mom or sister’s phone calls. Trust me, you’re good.” He smiles at her, and Savannah feels her heart sink a little bit. “Okay, good. So she came to tell you the news, and that was it? She showed you all the communication from your assistant and stuff,right?” She presses a final time, hoping he’ll crack.

“Yep, she told me everything. She waited for the storm to ease up a bit and then went back to her cabin.” He replies cooly, before reaching into his back pocket for his phone to turn off his ringer, mindlessly reading his new notifications. Savannah concedes, putting the cart back into drive and returning to the path toward the event.

 “Wait, did someone say something about her leaving my cabin so late? I wouldn’t want her to get in trouble for relaying the message to me. I know it wouldn’t look good for her job either.” Glen speaks up, and is looking at Savannah now, a hint of alarm in his voice. “Oh! No, no, I don’t think anybody saw her. At least, I haven’t heard anything.” She quickly replies, still mythed that he didn’t mention the kiss. Guess she had her answer.

-------

“Here’s your paint colors, and if you need a refill on your drink  just give me a wave or something.” You pat Dylan on the back, and he grins. “Thank you, bartender. This should be a good time! I promise you this is going to look like a toddler’s masterpiece when I’m through with it.” You both laugh, your eyes landing on a certain someone as they stride across the grass, drink in hand and Savannah hot on his heels. You turn your attention back to Dylan just as the instructor turns on their microphone. “If I could get everyone’s attention, please! Helloooooo Tennessee!”

You wave goodbye to Dylan as you both giggle, the loud noise of the mic startling just about everyone on the lawn. Savannah weaves through the crowd to grab your hand, pulling you over to the chairs for the handlers. You brush past Glen, his eyes briefly meeting yours with a small smile on his lips. You return one to him before Savannah tugs you into a chair. 

“I will be your art instructor for today, just want to go over a few housekeeping items.. Your materials have been all laid out for you by the lovely Ignite Team, so let’s give a round of applause for all their hard work; they’ve been out here since 7am this morning to make this space ready for you all.” Everyone applauds your team, and everyone waves to the talent on the lawn, everyone grinning from ear to ear. 

“Now, the special brushes with the finer tips will be up at the front, as well as texturing tools, glitter…” the instructor continues on before switching the music on and letting everyone get started. 

You turn to Savannah, “Who do you think will paint the best mountaintop?”

She smiles weakly at you, “Oh, I don’t know. Probably one of the girls…hey, want to run to the bathroom with me? Cassandra, can you keep an eye on our boys for us while we run to the restroom real quick?”

Cassandra agrees, the two of you quietly sneaking away to the restrooms down the hill.

“What’s up, everything okay?’ You question her as soon as you close the door.

Savannah swallows before placing a hand on both sides of your shoulders. “Don’t freak out on me, but I kinda sorta asked Glen about the night you guys kissed, and don’t worry I didn’t bring that up, I just acted like I was scared of losing my job over being sick to see if he’d mention anything about you.”

Your jaw drops open, heart rate quickening as you realize that whatever she is about to tell you is going to dictate your mood for the rest of the day. “And?” you ask slowly.

“He didn’t bring it up. He was concerned someone had maybe asked around or mentioned the fact that you left his cabin at such a strange hour, but…that was it. He didn’t blush or stutter or anything. It’s like nothing happened between the two of you at all.”

She shrugs before disappearing into a stall. “I actually did need to go, sorry!”

You slump against the wall, unsure of how to feel. Maybe he was just protecting the interaction? Or, it meant absolutely nothing to him and you just so happened to be at the right place at the right time. His observation rings in your ears, “I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.”

Except this time, it doesn’t make your heart swell, it kind of gives you an icky feeling. What if he didn’t mean it in a sincere way, but an assuming, cocky sort of way? What if he was just fishing to boost his ego? After all, you’d like to think you had been discreet and professional this entire time when it came to interacting with him, longing glances from afar or not.

Suddenly feeling nauseous, you step out from the bathrooms to get some air, the sun shining through the gazebo overtop the building. Savannah soon appears next to you, slinging her arm over your shoulders as you both head back up the hill. “I promise I was just trying to look out for you, alright? We don’t need a replay of last year with Jeremy-” “Fair enough!” You let a laugh escape you, shaking your head. “Jeremy and Glen are not even close to being on the same level, Savannah. But I get what you’re trying to say and I love you for it.” She rolls her eyes. “The feeling of disappointment would be the same.” She states, squeezing your shoulder as you take your seats. 

Everyone is watching the talent paint- some struggling, some just chit chatting while barely getting anything accomplished on their canvas, and others seemed to be thoroughly concentrated on following the instructor.

A sudden wave atop the heads in the crowd catches your eye, and you grin to see it’s Dylan trying to get your attention. You bounce over to him, taking in his progress. “Wow, not too shabby! Are you having fun?” He smiles at you from behind his black Ray Bans. “Hell yeah! Thanks for the support, I really need it for the next section. Would you mind getting me another drink please?” You take his empty cup away from him, “Sure thing! Be right back.” 

You carefully maneuver through the easels, being sure not to knock over anyone’s stuff. Handing the cup to the bartender, you wait for them to make Dylan a new drink. You look out into the crowd to try and find Glen, and when your eyes land on him your cheeks heat immediately. He’s chatting up another guest, her dark hair thrown back in a fit of laughter at whatever he’s saying. They’re both leaning over their easels to talk, and you are suddenly reminded that you are very much not a gorgeous, rich celebrity model at this convention, but simply a girl from LA who is here to work. You make your way across the grass to Dylan, breezing past Glen and the mystery girl who has his attention to try and hear what they’re talking about. All you can catch is her mentioning New York City and Glen’s response is muffled by all the chatter happening around them. You drop off his drink and return to your table, Savannah shooting you a knowing look. “Want me to go over there? He probably needs a refill too.” You sigh, hands in your lap fidgeting with the fray on your jeans. “It’s fine, I’m fine. Really.”

In a huff only noticeable to you, she stands and makes a beeline for Glen. Her appearance stops their conversation, Glen putting his hands up in a gesture that he’s all set on needing another drink. Savannah completely ignores the girl as she walks back to your table. You raise an eyebrow at her. “I’m getting friend vibes. Seriously, she’s wearing a studded leather jacket with heeled boots while Glen’s wearing jeans and a hoodie.” You roll your eyes with a laugh. “So? He probably likes her style. Can we just drop it, please?”

Savannah nods and changes the subject. 

Another half hour passes by, and the event is almost over. Everyone’s moving to the final details of their project, the lawn mostly quiet as everyone locks in. You decide to stretch your legs and find some interesting tools for Dylan to use, making your way over to him when a hand grabs your elbow. “Hey, could I borrow one of those?” you are jolted out of focus, head snapping behind you to see a grinning Glen Powell. “Sorry, no can do. These are for Dylan, but I think I saw Savannah at the table, just flag her down so she can grab one for you.” You smile curtly at him before wiggling out of his grasp and fast walking over to Dylan without ever looking back.

The event finally comes to an end, all of the staff swarming onto the lawn to clean up the mess. The guests disperse to the event hall to eat dinner, some milling about the property to chat. 

You toss a heap of paint brushes into your trash bag, a familiar voice reappearing behind you. “Need a hand with that?” You spin around to see Glen bent over to grab some paint covered sponges, and you gasp. “No! Glen, you’re not supposed to be cleaning anything up. You go enjoy the live music in the hall!” You open the trash bag wider for Glen to successfully dunk them in, a hand running through his fluffy hair. You liked seeing it without any styling creme in it.

“Back to being professional, huh?” He squints at you as the sun shines on his face. You sigh, head leaning to the side. “I work here, remember?” You offer a small, playful smile to him as you shake the lanyard hanging around your neck, and his expression softens. “I just thought that, well..you know..” He steps closer to you, voice lowering to a whisper. It takes everything in you to step backwards from him, his cologne wafting over you. He looked and smelled so good. “You thought what? Honestly, never mind. It was late, we were both exhausted--” Glen interrupts you softly, “I was there.” 

He places his hands on his hips as he stares at you, and you glance around at the other staff members cleaning up, a few of them taking notice of the two of you conversing.

“Anyway, it won’t happen again. How’s your dad doing? Is he home yet?” You ask, before continuing to collect the trash from the ground. Glen sighs before shrugging it off. “Uh, yeah..yeah he’s home. He’s gonna be just fine, thanks for asking.” He pauses for a moment as he watches you continue to clean. “What did you mean by --” 

“Glen! Hey, Glen! Time to head out, you have a conference call in ten minutes!”

Savannah’s voice rings out from across the lawn, and you are grateful. You look up at Glen, a sad smile on your lips. “I’m really happy to hear that about your dad. Really. Now, go! Don’t be late for that call. Good luck!” You shoo him off, and he nods in agreement, a look of uncertainty crossing his features before he turns away to jog over toward the golf cart. 

That evening is the first of many campfires that week, s’mores and hot chocolate the only two items on the menu. You change into leggings and a sweater before jumping back onto your golf cart to pick up Dylan one last time for the day. 

You wait out front for him for five minutes before calling his phone, and when he doesn’t pick up you start to worry. 

“Dylan? Are you ready?” You knock loudly on his cabin door, trying to peer in through the tiny window of the door. Suddenly it swings open, a very pale Dylan O’Brien standing before you, his body weight leaning on the doorframe. “Please stop yelling.” He groans, shoving his palm into his right eyelid.

You stifle a giggle, taking in his sweatpants and hoodie that cling to his body, hair a mess. “You don’t look so good buddy.” You rub his arm.

Dylan grimaces as he nods, “I think I had a few too many drinks at the event. Needless to say I need to sit the campfire out, hope that’s okay.”

“Of course, rest up! Do you need anything?”

You offer, but Dylan shakes his head. “Just go have fun, I’m going to go to bed early tonight.” He shoots you the weakest little wave before closing the door.

The debate with yourself on whether or not you should go to the fire tonight lasted about 10 seconds, the desire to see Glen winning you over. As soon as you park, you spot Savannah and join her group that’s huddled amongst one of the many firepits.

“You made it! No Dylan? Here, have a s’more!”

Savannah welcomes you, motioning toward the empty chair next to her. You greet everyone else and happily accept the dessert, savoring the gooey marshmallow and chocolate combo after the long day you’d had.

“He turned in early for the night. Isn’t it gorgeous out here?” Admiring the stars above you, the others agree. 

You slowly direct your gaze from the fire in front of you to the other pits, eyes quickly finding Glen’s chair. He’s amongst a mix of men and women, but he’s so far away that you aren’t able to make out if any of them are the one from earlier or not. 

A few hours pass before some of the talent begin approaching the staff to turn in for the night, Glen being one of them. You recognize his voice approaching in the distance, stomach knotting as you brace yourself to see who he’s walking with.

The tension in your shoulders dissipates when he stands next to Savannah’s chair, a male figure departing in the other direction. “Ready to roll?” He grins down at her, his green eyes landing on you for a few seconds. You want to get out of your chair and kiss him again, the flames illuminating his features. His charcoal crew neck and joggers make him look so cuddly and warm. You wonder what it’d be like to snuggle up with him.

Savannah’s voice snaps you out of your daze. “You bet! I actually need to fill the cart up with gas though, and there’s a pretty long line. Would you mind taking Glen back tonight?” She looks between the two of you, and you nod quickly as you stand, “No problem at all.”

He gestures toward the carts allowing you to lead the way, “After you.”

 You shoot your friend a look from over your shoulder, mouthing ‘thank you’ to her as you fall into step with Glen. 

The cicadas and crackling fires fill the air, a cool breeze sending a shiver down your spine as you drive down the dirt path. 

“How was your day?” You ask him, desperate to have a non-awkward golf cart ride.

“It was awesome, I really enjoyed that painting class. Even though it’s not worthy of hanging in my house, I don’t think I did too bad of a job.” He laughs to himself as he picks at some fuzz on his sweatpants. You force a small hum in response, eyes fixed on the path ahead. 

“Are we cool?” Glen speaks again, this time his entire body turning to face you in his seat, one arm extended up to hang onto the top of the cart.

As you peer over at him, the moonlight illuminates the small smile tugging at his lips. If it weren’t so dark out, you might have thought you detected some concern in his expression. 

You nudge him softly, “Of course, why wouldn’t we be?”

“Well we kissed a few nights ago and ever since then I feel like we haven’t gotten to talk at all.”

You feel chill bumps rise on your arms at his statement. Did you really expect the kiss to never come up again? Maybe, but ever since you saw him getting cozy with the mystery girl from earlier your opinion had changed.

“Are you blaming me for that?” You feel him tense at the bite in your tone, his head cocking to the side. His eyes still fixated on you, he reaches over you and presses a foot to the brake abruptly, your bodies lurching forward as he turns the key to switch the cart off. 

“Woah,hey! I’m not blaming you for anything.”

You scoff at his words, eyes rolling at his stopping of the cart. He seems to forget that you’re still on the clock, and very much not alone out here. A few carts pass by, the both of you offering polite waves to them. A moment passes and you remain silent, fearful of eavesdroppers.

Turning the key quickly you press down hard on the gas pedal toward Glen’s cabin.

Once there, you cross your arms over your chest. “Goodnight Glen.”

Running a hand through his hair he slides off the golf cart, the only noise between you the gravel beneath his feet as he rounds the front of the cart to crouch at the steering wheel. He places a hand on your knee, shaking it playfully. “Look at me.”

His tone is earnest and you allow your eyes to lose themselves in his. 

“It was leather jacket girl, wasn't it?” he chuckles in the dark, eyebrow cocked in amusement.

“So you did notice?” You mumble, face on fire. He stands and outstretches both hands to you, and you oblige without another thought.

Glen places a hand on the small of your back to lead you up the stairs first, your mind swimming in wonder of what’s about to happen. 

“Yo, Powell! Turning in so soon?”

The two of you freeze, Glen’s grip tightening on the bannister. Out of instinct, you drop on all fours. He mouths for you to go inside, slipping his key card into your palm. You nod quietly, crawling across the porch toward his front door.

Glen turns around, backing up the staircase to try and hide your body. 

“Yeah man! I have an early call time in the morning. Why, what am I going to miss out on?”

The man laughs, “Your loss! We’re about to start an intense game of charades in my cabin. All good though, see you tomorrow!”

You eavesdrop from the window, giggling as Glen appears through the front door. “That was close!”

He nods as he locks the door behind him, closing the curtains. “Don’t worry, he didn’t see a thing.”

And just like that,you’re standing inches away from him in his living room again - alone.

“Fun fact for ya, I actually think leather jackets are tacky. Especially ones with studs all over them. They’re spikey and they hurt.” Glen feigns a serious face, his tone humorous.

“You’re ridiculous.” You grin wide at him as you throw both arms around his neck, tugging him even closer to you. Your confidence surprises you once again, but in this moment you’d do anything to feel his lips on yours again. He was undeniably attractive 24/7 but even more so right now as he makes you laugh. He had seen you. He knew you were jealous and yet he tried to talk to you at the event. You felt even worse for being rude to him earlier.

His arms wind around your waist as he presses his forehead to yours. 

“While you were jumping to conclusions, I was admiring you look out for Dylan and everyone else around you. Watching you do your job and keep the place organized.”

Eyes shining at him as you learn that he’d been observing you, he leans in to kiss you. You relax into his grip, fisting your hands into the soft material of his crewneck.

“We’re cool now.” you say before kissing the tip of his nose. He hums in response as he kisses you one more time. 

You talk with him for a good while about his schedule the next few days as well as other projects he’s slated to begin next year for work. He asks about your job back in California and you talk a bit about how you and Savannah got so close. 

When the two of you start to yawn, you stand to your feet from his sofa and he groans. 

“Don’t leave me!” He teases, tugging on your arm. You back away slowly, palms raised as you bite your lip. “It’s time.”

He kisses you, whispering a ‘no’ against your lips. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

You blush under his gaze and wave your phone at him. “Text me! We’ll figure it out.”

Accepting your answer, he unlocks the door and swings it open for you. 

“Goodnight pretty girl.” 

His compliment causes you to turn back to face him from the porch, his body leaning against the doorframe, hands in his pockets. He looks so handsome it feels like a dream.

You blow him a kiss before quietly sliding onto the golf cart to drive back to your room.

[beelearnsfinnish]

✩ language learning goals for the new year ✩

i've never been a person who sets goals when january comes around, mainly cause I never stick to them and if I could avoid the failing, why setting them, but there's couple of points that have been on my mind that i wanna start doing with the new year, so i thought i would list them here!

studying goals in general:

Tracking the time I spend studying languages. Don't think I'll track the time for my regular studies, but I do wanna go back to keeping track of the time I spend with Finnish. I started doing this when I had just started learning it but I stoped when I had the big slump (aka started working and studying same time) but I wanna go back to it with the new year! Think it'll keep me accountable and give me some good info. Last time I used Toggle Tracker and I really liked it, so will give it another try.

Weekly recaps. In the same line of wanting to track my studies and keeping myself accountable, I'd like to start making weekly recaps on here not just about finnish but about all my studies and life in general. I tend to only post when I have a productive day, but a recap at the end of the week will be a way to both post more consistently and look back at what worked and what didn't.

Create a little daily routine and stick with it. I'm pretty proud of how consistent I've been lately with the radio listening and vlog watching, but there's other little activities I wanna be able to do daily but I never remember/have the energy to do so (apps like drops, clozemaster, vocab with anki...). Want to find the exact formula of enough to make me feel productive but also enough that doesn't feel like a burden and that I want to do even after a long day.

Mix up my inmerssion. Similar as this previous one, I've been sticking to radio and youtube vlogs, which is great, but I'd love to get some more variety. Maybe work with some lyrics, try to read easy children stories, watch shows even with subtitles, the daily yle uutiset selkosuomeksi...

specific Finnish goals:

I'm still not very sure about this part. Everyone says to set small and archievable goals when it comes to language learning, and I feel like my only goal with finnish has been "get as good as i possibly can with the time and energy i have available" I obviously would love to be able to get to a conversational level even if its very basic topics etcetc, but I feel like I wouldn't know how to set specific goals, and that because I have loads of other stuff going on it would maybe put unnecessary pressure on me. At the same time, sometimes I just lazy around cause I don't have a set goal to get to.

I'll think about it for a couple days more before the new year, any tip in this topic is more than welcome! :)

[woodsfae]

B5 S04E07 Epiphanies previous episode - table of contents

The denizens of B5 have an aerial show to go along with their party over the Vorlon-Shadows proxy war being over. On episode seven! I have only vague theories about anything they might get up to by the end of the season. 

John Sheridan watches the party and has heavy thoughts till he sees Delenn and is immediately turns his mood around. Cute. 

Bester!! Is back! Thrilling. I have my fingers crossed for him to acctually achieve his telepathic society on some secret colony. 

It's awfully obnoxious that he's taking orders to dismantle B5 instead of off stealing all of PsiCorps. The threat of the great powers may be over, but Earth's government is still its own biggest threat. 

Bester wants to know why they don't just do a military takeover. Minister says...we tried and failed. Gotta do this blackops style. 

I now have high expectations for shenanigans, but I hope it's a multi-episode arc rather than wrapping up in this episode. Bester vs B5 could be a great seasonal arc. 

On Centaur they need to pick a new Emperor, but putting off the decision for awhile. By appointing a Regent for the Emperor, which is the guy Londo is telling all this to. 

Huh, Londo's skipping out to B5 now. I did not expect him to dump all the homeworld issues on a patsy and flee, but that very much in character for him. Dealing with problems is not Londo's strong suit. Unlike causing problems. 

G'Kar has phanton itch in his missing eye. Oh how I hate how he can never catch a break. Dr Franklin wants to try to adapt a human prosthetic for G'Kar so he can have partial vision back. And the medical update also serves as exposition for Dr Frankin to remind the audience that G'Kar was offered rule of Narn and turned it down. 

Garibaldi struggles with not remembering, then his sleeper routine activates! badadada! Bester-level shenanigans engage. Huh, and he resigns. 

There's a Disney planet. That tracks. But, interesting gambit. Demoralize the senior staff by having his secretly implanted trigger be disillusionment in the conflict and want a chance of pace that's more peaceful. 

Does this mean Chief of Security Zack Allen? Please no. ugh. If this happens, I will try to be sanguine with it, but whyyyy. 

I mean I don't believe Garibaldi is leaving leaving, but I would prefer more Garibaldi than Zack Allen.  Who is checking Londo back into B5. 

Bester and his jackbooted thugs have arrived. And his banter remains delightful. They're always on point with his script and he's such a good antagonist. It's funny but I almost think of his as fae....he allows himself to be trapped by logic battles and legal snarls, he's very precise with his wording in a way that feels a bit otherworldly, and he's threatening as shit. ergo, fae. Just him though, the rest of PsiCorps doesn't strike me as fae at all, very mundanely human. 

Garibaldi is very happy to see Garibaldi. Garibaldi says he is sorry G'Kar had to go through a lot of shit. G'Kar says no, thanks to Garibaldi for being his friend so much that he risked getting, and got captured. And in his captivity was able to help save his people. Garibaldi says o.O what.

Another mirrored arc with Londo, who curses the narrative and denies anyone's ability to choose. G'Kar thanks the narrative and chooses to see the best of the current circumstances.

Yeah, Zack Allen's Security boss now. The news announced that Earthforce has banned all travel to and from B5. Big moves. 

Zack goes to get Lyta and we see she's starting to replace the belongs that not-Kosh forced her to get rid of.  

Apparently Lyta has been shunned by basically everyone on B5...and it's because no one quite trusts her due to the time she spent in close proximity to the Vorlons. But Zack Allen offers to help her unpack her new stuff. They gotta stop making him be so considerate or I'll stop being irritated by him. 

G'Kar casually threatens Londo. I'd want to disappear Londo so bad in his shoes. 

Bester is difficult because it's in his nature, while also being very helpfully informative. lol. 

Bester wants to go loot Higher Beings tech from Z'ha'dum and see if they can use it to free the Shadows-wired-in telepaths, including Bester's forbidden lady love. And has quite an uncontrolled telepathic spasm of visions! Lyta? Susan? Something he did to himself or PsiCorps did to him?? 

Bester tells them that Earthforce sent armed patrols to maintain a B5 blockade, and a second force to destroy the first force and frame B5 for the hostilities. That's ice fucking cold. 

I notice Garibaldi may have resigned but he's still in what look like pretty spacious officer's quarters. Zac is hanging out and trying to persuade Garibaldi not to resign. 

omfg. Garibaldi says mistakes are a part of life and in fact, he took on Zack Allen even though he had a terrible record. And says he's the best second Garibaldi ever had. Um.!!! He totally told them out to Earthforce sprang at the first and every opportunity, and only felt a little bad about most of it till he switched sides at the literal last second. They can't make me forget that with a few episodes of him being considerate and intelligent. They gotta put in more effort for him to win me over. 

Sheridan and Delenn being cute again on one of the White Stars, heading to Z'Ha'Dum. Sheridan says he wants a little chill and Delenn says lol, you love nothing more than a problem. And if you had to spend ten seconds relaxing on a beach your head would explode. 

He thinks her deducing that is hot. It is. 

Ivanova gets to go out on a space battle in the little fighters! Good for her, she almost never gets to go flying! She and the B5 fighters save the sacrificial force and establish some cred as nonaggressors. 

Bester admits respect for Lyta, but tries to convince her to share what has given her an increase in telepathic ability. The Corps is mother, the corps is father. Lyta turns him down and he immediately jumps to threatening blackmail. How very Bester. He isn't so much an iron fist in a velvet glove, more like a ceramic-coated frying pan on a long handle. 

Z'Ha'Dum blows up. No high level tech upgrades from that angle. Bester has a regretful heart-to-heart with his beloved's stasis chamber. He really acts the shit out of it. "I'd do it again." shivers! And he blames B5 for not having her back and swears his personal animosity for B5! That's a little bit of a leap, but I suppose the next most logical person to blame is himself and he can't afford to take that onto his cracked shell of a psyche. (affectionate)

Sheridan also comes to visit Lyta, really thoroughly ending her long drought in visitors. Bummer that it isn't positive - he thinks she set off the Shadows' self-destruct of Z'Ha'Dum! Sheridan is interestingly not angry about it. Just acknowledges that she must be very powerful and skilled. And wonders why. Lyta gives several answers as hypotheticals, ranging from buried command triggers to personal grudge. 

Ah, and now Sheridan's mad comes out. If she does anything audacious like that without orders again, he chucks her straight into PsiCorps' custody. pain of death threat, basically! Be good or face being effectively murdered through mindwipes or controls. 

Really, PsiCorps is such an existential threat I find it to be overly harsh. Threat of general exile from B5, sure. But PsiCorps is a really brutal threat for Lyta as a rogue telepath in possession of secrets of power boosts. More ice cold choices made by people in authority! 

Epiphanies this episode is called...but bearing down on cold ruthlessness is rather a depressing epiphany to give the main players in the human political scene.

And the Centauri Regent has a...vision? And/or a growth? It's unclear. 

Much to think on, much to try to start to fit together into plausible theories! This has definitely been a highly expository episode but it was still well done and managed to be engaging while also doing a lot of telling-not-showing.

Onwards!

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I've seen kpop idols release so many bad songs, but never seen any kpop idol get so much hate like Jimin does.

Fine, don't like the song move on. Something is really wrong with those kpop stans. The insults, the name calling, the rap3 jokes on him, wish of death... All over a song?

And jk solos, Tae solos and Tkkrs joining them as well, for what? Over a ship.

When will people learn to ignore him if they don't like him or his music?

This is harassment to such an extreme level. And then they'll preach about mental health when kpop idols go into depression and end their lives.

The fact that we should even have this conversation shows you how absurd the situation is.

99% of us that are part of any kpop fandom are not music critics. We don't have a column anywhere and it's not part of our assignments to necessarily keep up with every artist and it's definitely not necessary to have to share our views from a critical perspective. That doesn't mean we shouldn't have conversations, including in cases in which our taste doesn't align with a song/album or if we have arguments as to why a release is not good or on someone's career. We can even just share our very subjective opinion if we don't like a song. The fact that such normal acts have been transformed within kpop and turned into abhorrent behavior is a massive problem.

Just to give you an example for the sake of the argument. I paid just a tiny bit of attention to the unit album Jeonghan and some group member were putting out. I just really liked the photos. I'm also not a Seventeen active listener. A few days later after the main track release, I remembered it and checked it out. The music video was fine, but at a first listen, the song didn't do much to me. It didn't stand out. I watched it until the end and then it was out of my mind immediately. Never said anything to anyone, until now. It was not for me, I'm not a fan that closely follows their music career and I'm not a music critic. So I minded my own business, without any difficulty and without being a bitch on the internet or call them names because I didn't like a song. It also did nothing to change my opinion of Jeonghan. Which to be honest, it mostly revolves around me thinking he's pretty.

I listen to k-pop. I've actually been listening to a lot more girl groups. I have that Magnetic song in my playlist. Do I listen to it because I think it's a masterpiece? No, I listened because it's an ok song that sounds like any other 5th gen kpop song and I'm still not bothered by it. It's in the background during my working hours.

Like I've said in a post from a few days ago, nothing Jimin does will be considered enough and it seems impossible to treat him like any other kpop idol out there. The standard is impossible simply because the expectations are illogical. It's considered a problem if he's not more like other idols, it's a problem cause he released a light song, but it was also a problem when he released SMFP2. You'd think that song was the major offense in kpop for 2023.

So, as much as this is close to the cliche line of "unstan if you don't like", at this point I really think that those who are not able to be decent people, should simply move on and focus on the music they like.

[chounaifu]

I’m really glad that those asks I sent out are being well-received. There’s still a few more that I need to write up, but, I’m pacing myself. :’)

Thoughts about my own current state beneath the cut, since my therapist always encourages me to open up to the people in my space. Some of it can be potentially triggering, so, please do not open if the discussion of trauma, stalking and abuse is harmful to you:

I’ve been vocal about the horrifying, traumatic stuff that caused me to leave the RPC in 2017, to a few of you before. Without going into deep detail, between the years of 2017-2021, I was trapped in an extremely, extremely abusive relationship with a member of the RPC who is no longer here, thank fuck. Because of my poor coping skills and extremely fragile mental health at the time, he managed to keep me in a social isolation until I finally left him in 2021. And I mean true social isolation; I wasn’t allowed to talk to anybody but him. (I literally had to lie and pretend like I was having internet troubles if I even wanted to open up another chat box on Discord to talk to somebody, because he would literally point out the amount of minutes it took for me to respond to him.) He tracked my location in real time with GPS. He controlled what I ate when we spent time together irl. He forced me to quit one of my jobs before, because he wasn’t pleased with how busy I was. Any free time I had, had to be given to him. I had no identity, no autonomy, no sense of self.

Since I left him in 2021, I’ve been in a long process of learning how to be a human being again, how to exist around multiple people, and how to monitor my energy levels. It’s been hard, and, there’s a lot of times where I have to learn that I am adapting to an entirely new way of life. I used to be able to write a lot of thread replies, ask replies, and drabbles in a short period of time, but, my brain just does not do that anymore. And it makes me sad, but, I know that my RP partners understand my situation.

I cannot emphasis how much going from *one* person to— well, a lot of good friends has been good for me, but also a difficult experience in itself, because I’m still fighting with my own hypersensitivity and paranoia.

Choosing to come back here was one of the scariest decisions I have ever made. And, even though I don’t vocalize it, I actively fight trauma responses every single time I open Tumblr— not because anybody is doing anything to me, but because the experience I went through was so deep.

That’s why I’ve been trying to take a minute to sit down, and send some nice words to everybody. You never know what somebody is going through. *Nobody* knew what I was going through, because I hid it so well— because I was forced to. We’re all human beings, on this rock, and we all chose to sit here and write, whether because it is a coping mechanism, something we’re passionate about, or because it’s simply fun. And I think that’s really, really beautiful.

I don’t think I’m ever going to be the same, energetic Rex that I once was. And I wish I could be. But that is okay.

So, for the people who welcomed me back, and remembered me: thank you for accepting my return, and accepting my apology.

And for the people who didn’t know me, who have become my friend lately: thank you for giving me a chance.

I’ve lost a lot of people, both friends and family, in the past decade or so. Nobody can fill those gaps, but, you guys make me feel a lot less lonely. Believe it or not, I don’t have many friends irl, and I really don’t know what I would be doing with myself right now if I hadn’t chosen to come back to Tumblr.

I wish there was more I could do to help uplift everybody who has been having a difficult time lately, I really, really do. But, at the end of the day, I cannot; what I can do, is point out that there’s at least *one* person out there who wants to see the best happen for you.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I just want to be a good person, despite of the horrible things I was called by my abuser, and I hope I am doing that.

[zeldahime]

here i am 2 months later still thinking about the Final 15 and i really don't think aziraphale could have done anything but go with the metatron.

whether he thinks it was an offer or a threat or a trap. whether he thinks he really can change heaven or not. whether he was trying to make crowley come with and really stepped in it, or whether he was doing his best to keep crowley safe by making him an offer he must refuse.

aziraphale couldn't do anything else because he's a protector. he wraps himself in softness and fragility and manners to blunt his edges but he is, at core, a solid weight.

this is the angel who was, ultimately, ready to kill an 11-year-old boy to save the world, if that's what it took. he didn't want to. he never wanted to be a soldier, to hurt people, but he would have.

he can make a difference. even if he has no real power over Policy Decisions, he can make a difference for low-level angels like Muriel, stuck at their desks for millennia with nobody to talk to, bring them some socialization, some comfort. he can play incompetent and muck things up, mitigate and delay. he can talk to that very bright young man from Nazareth, maybe, and remind him of the things he loved on Earth. and, in the end, if it comes to it.

there's always a flaming sword.

aziraphale can't say no for the same reason i wouldn't be able to say no if the superintendent of my high school rocked up tomorrow and offered to make me principal. it might be an inherently unsafe place i fucked out of the second i had the chance to, but it's also my home and if i was so much as an after-school activity coordinator i would be in a position to help and protect the kids who are stuck there now.

to say no would be against everything in my moral being, even if i knew it was a trap.

and for aziraphale it's so much worse than high school. it's family, it's church. it's 6 millennia of obligation. it's 10 million angels just like him, like Jimbriel, like Muriel who never got the same opportunities he did.

in intro to philosophy classes, people learn about the trolley problem, a utilitarian thought experiment first posed by Phillipa Foot in the 60s. people joke about it, purposefully misunderstand it, but it comes down to this:

is it more moral to allow greater misfortune by inaction, or to take action and cause lesser misfortune by your own hand?

aziraphale has always dithered and worried and been soft and anxious for as long as he can. but when it comes down to it, when he has the power to do so he will choose action. he was ready to kill adam young to save the world. he lied to the heavenly host to save job's children. he gave away his flaming sword rather than allow adam and eve to be eaten by lions. it visibly pains him when he can't, during the great flood and the passion of jesus.

aziraphale, he pulls the lever. he can't do otherwise.

he has no other choice than to go to heaven. he pulls the lever. the trolley changes track.

and then the real show begins.

[authorjoeypaul]

SPOONIE WRITER: WORKING ON BAD DAYS I've always been a big proponent for not pushing yourself to breaking point, to taking breaks when you need them, to making sure you don't fall into that trap of thinking you have to earn your rest days. I fully believe in that, and yet I still get asked sometimes why I work on days when I have pain, or more fatigue. I've tried to explain that part of my conditions and disability is that these are symptoms that never go away, but for some people, they don't really get that, and I thought that today I would touch on why I work on what other people see as 'bad' days. For those new to me, I've been an indie author for almost 20 years. I'm 43 and chronically ill and disabled with a fair few conditions, two of which are Fibromylagia and M.E. These are, usually, the big ones that impact my ability to work both a conventional job and sometimes when I'm writing too. I try to work when I can, but my work day is, at most 3 hours. The rest of the time, I'm in bed resting, napping, medicating, or just trying to have some kind of function.  I know that the thought of being in constant severe pain can be a little hard for some people to imagine, or process, but if I didn't work when I had pain, I would never work. I would never get anything done. The point I'm making is not to tout myself as better or that anyone else with my conditions should be doing the same, but to just make it clear that what a healthy person would consider a bad day, I see as normal.  Before you jump in with how inspirational I am, remember that I've been sick for over half my life. I have lived with this pain in varying degrees the majority of my life. My lungs have been bad all of my life. My mobility has been impacted for over 25 years. I've been in a wheelchair for about the same amount of time, full time for the past 15 or so. Again, this is not about making out how super amazing I am, but to point out one thing that a lot of people forget, you do adapt. Everyone does it. Whether it's adapting to a new house or a new job, or a new sleep schedule, we all adapt, and the same can be said for those of us with chronic conditions. While not everyone can adapt to the same level, I've been able to do so, and I've also found ways, cheat codes if you will, in my years of being an author. I've known how much I can push myself, and trust me I've also gone too far and paid for it, which is why I'm so big on people having down time. I know how much I can manage, and because I track my time, I know how long a certain task will usually take me. I've got all this lived experience that I'm able to tell when and how I'll be able to get things done, and also when I won't. There are times when I have to take time off, unplanned time off. Recently I've been going through the process of diagnosing a possible new condition, and that has caused hospital stays and time at home when things are just not good. I've taken that time off because I'm not someone who is going to work no matter what. All that does is make a mess of my body, my health, and it also produces work that I have to go back and fix in a big way. So even though I normally have at least two days off each month, some months it's more because of health blips. And that's okay. I didn't have to earn them, I needed them and I took them. Too much of the time, with hustle culture and all that goes with that, people are expected to turn up to work and do whatever they can to push through. That's not healthy, it's not sustainable, and it's actively harmful to the people involved. So what do I think about working on bad days? No, rest, take the time you need, and take care of you. Anyone saying otherwise does not have your best interests at heart. Take care of you, you are important and need rest. Any questions? Lemme know in the comments! 

Follow Joey to be kept up to date with the latest news regarding Joey and her books.    

[theasylumchild]

Had my first double digit mileage run today since my marathon in November. Really proud that I was able to hit 10 miles and even more impressed that my heart rate was about 20 bpm lower than most runs, showing I was focused on keeping my pace low so I could keep my mileage up.

Cousins bought me a Strava Pro account for Christmas and I’ve been using it. Not sure what’s part of the pro and what’s free, but they have a fitness score and it shows that mine has gone down 40% since the marathon. I can see how this is going to cause issues with my mental health.

For example, it only started tracking my fitness score in July after I got my garmin watch, but didn’t track any of my runs for the 5 months prior that I had been training. There’s no way I’m at a fitness score of 0 if I had already run two half marathons and was running 3-5 times a week depending on the month.

Additionally, my score peaked at 104 the day of the marathon, and has been mostly going down since then, with its steepest declined the week after the marathon that I didn’t run at all. You shouldn’t be training the week after your first marathon!!! That’s not good for your body!!!! Realistically, my fitness level is not going down because I’m taking a week off to rest my body after the most extreme physical activity I’ve ever done and one most people will never actually do.

I’m going to have to be very intentional on making sure my focus is on increasing my mileage, increasing my pace, getting stronger and feeling better in my own body, not on a damn fitness score going up or my weight going down.

[thistleandthorn-rpg]

Congrats April with your audition for Ryan Li! Please check out this page here for a reminder on what to do next, and send us his blog within 48 hours. Welcome back!!

OOC INFORMATION:

Name/Alias: April Preferred pronoun: she/her  Age: old Timezone/Country: CST RP Experience: lots Activity Level: 5-7

IC INFORMATION:

Name: Ryan Li Designation: Switch Age: 25 Birthdate: June 24, 1998 Faceclaim: Derek Luh Orientation: Bisexual Kinks: Sensation Play, Pain Play, Bondage, Breath Play, Impact Play, Body Worship Anti-Kinks: Scat, Degradation, Age Play, Pet Play

Key Points: 

Resourceful

Friendly but guarded

Distrustful of authority but won’t openly defy it

Self-conscience about academic ability/performance

BIO:

While Ryan knew that happy and successful claims obviously existed, growing up with a front row seat to his parents’ toxic and abusive claim caused him to view the whole system as a way to force people to stay trapped in horrible situations. Even though neither of his parents physically abused him, they were always more focused on making each other miserable to pay any attention to him. The neglect caused him to miss a lot of school as a child, which in turn caused his dyslexia to go undiagnosed for much longer than normal. By the time he finally understood what was ‘wrong’ with him, he was already way behind other kids his age and had convinced himself that his problem was that he was just too stupid to learn anything. When he turned 16, Ryan decided to drop out of high school and preferred to couch surf, with the occasional bout of living on the streets of Cleveland, over spending another second in his childhood home. 

  Even though the government would like people to think they are in control of everything, it was impossible for them to keep track of everyone. Ryan found out quickly that if you managed to stay on the outskirts of society, you could basically become invisible to most of the world. However, even if you wanted to stay hidden, you still needed food and water, which meant that you also needed money. Since Ryan wasn’t able to get a normal job, he had to resort to illegal means of acquiring it. While he wasn’t necessarily proud of it, he did what he had to do to survive and at least tried to make sure not to physically harm anyone. For several years, this method worked for him until he was finally arrested for theft. Fortunately, he was caught with only a few hundred dollars of stolen property on him and since it was his first time being caught, they only charged him with a misdemeanor. Unfortunately, getting caught meant that he was now back under the watchful eyes of the authority. To avoid any jail time, Ryan made a deal to finally receive his designation and attend an institution. While there were several schools in Cleveland that he could have gone to, it was decided for him to attend the one at Lima since his mother had some family in the area, and it distanced him from his friends that were deemed to be a bad influence. While he wasn’t excited in any way to be forced to finally find a claim, he was hopeful that he could at the very least find one that wasn’t as toxic as his parents. 

  BIO QUESTIONS:

  What are your feelings about the mark you have received? 

Even though I don’t really enjoy the thought of being forced into any kind of role, I think being a Switch is the best outcome I could have received. I’m honestly not sure which side I lean towards more, so at least it feels like I have a bit more control over my life then if I received the Dominant or submissive role. 

  How do your feelings on the system compare to your parents’ feelings on it?

I mean… I’m never going to be thrilled about a system that forces people into roles and relationships. However, there’s nothing much that I can do since I’m not going to change the world or anything. Sadly, it’s pretty much a ‘can’t beat them, then I sadly have to join them’ situation. My parents are miserable together and have always been that way as long as I can remember, so I’m going to assume that they aren’t big fans of the system either. 

  Where do you see yourself after you graduate? 

Well, it’s pretty much either I’m in a claim or I’m a slave. Out of those two options, obviously I’d choose the claim and can only hope that I won’t end up stuck in a miserable relationship for the rest of my life. As for a career, beats the fuck out of me. I don’t even have a high school diploma, so I’m obviously not going to be anything that requires any kind of education.  

  How do you feel about authority?

I think it’s pretty clear with my prior answers how I feel about it, but just in case you couldn’t tell, I’m not a fan. I think people should be able to control their own lives, but that’s not the world that we live in. Since that’s the case, I just plan to keep my head down and hopefully not cause any waves. 

[luckystardust]

how to improve the quality of your life

Daily confidence affirmations

this sounds corny, but it works in getting rid of most negative self talk. I recommended to do it in the shower, and as you’re washing yourself imagine all the bad thoughts flowing with the water and falling into the drain.

If you’re insecure, your logical side might kill you. If you hate your looks but tell yourself “I’m so beautiful,” you might follow that with a “how?” You can actually use this to your benefit. Answer your question in your head. “I’m so beautiful because no matter how much I go through I still push forward, I never bring others down, my hair looks silky when I wake up, stray cats approach me..” any reason you want. Try to switch it up

Invest in a gym membership

If you’re physically able, I recommended weightlifting. It builds confidence, strength, and can also aid in mobility.

Some gyms come with a sauna or steam room. Definitely utilize these as they can improve your skin quality and overall wellbeing.

Track your water intake

Water reminder apps aren’t enough. I’ve tried them before and have the time I’ll ignore the alert. I recommend the Waterllama app. You’ll have to pay a few $$ for this feature, but you can log in drinks besides water to see how hydrated you are. The free version of the app calculates how much water you need based on temperature, level of activity, and your weight. Hydration is important, yet most people are dehydrated.

read

this may seem like a no-brainer, but people often misunderstand how reading can bring you peace/help you grow.

Reading fiction allows you to escape from reality. It’s perfect for when you want to relax and become sucked into a story. I recommend the vegetarian by Han kang (please look into cws before reading!) and Heaven by Meiko Kawakami. Finding prose you can connect with will give your life meaning.

Reading nonfiction can give you lots of insight on history, sociology, and/or any topic you can think of. You can easily improve the quality of your life by choosing a topic or two of interest and reading many books on the subject. You’ll feel fulfilled and intelligent after educating yourself. I’m currently reading the R*pe of Nanking by Iris Chang. I will make a list in the future of random topics you can research when you’re bored.

Self help books. Honestly these are iffy. I believe self help books tend to focus on the individual, but I believe that growth comes by interactions with others and fostering good connections. If you agree with this, you’ll love Bell Hooks. Although she focuses on feminist theory, her books can be used for personal growth (for all genders). I also recommend “the highly sensitive person” by Elaine Aron. Try to read these types of books by people with a PDH. I don’t know, I guess I just trust them more..

Invest in good hygiene

Skincare: no one needs a 10 step skincare routine, but I highly recommend 3 things. When you wake up, apply sunscreen. At night, wash your face and then moisturize. My skin used to be filled with bumps and cysts, but now I get compliments. I used witch Hazel and African black soap to clear my skin back in the day, but right now I use Korean products (with the exception of my Japanese shisedo sunscreen). It’s important to understand your skin type before you jump on trends because you might accidentally make your skin worse. If you want an honest review of a product, always check Reddit.

For hair care, as someone with almost straight hair , I recommend washing every 2-3 days. If you do it everyday you’re bound to dry out your scalp and cause breakage. Try to use fragrance free products. Learn how to make hair masks at home - I massage olive oil and an egg into my hair and wash it 30 minutes later. Indian haircare is honesty so great. I recommend Amla oil for all hair types. Just massage into your scalp and then add it to the rest of your hair, braid it up and go to sleep. Also, use a silk bonnet at night. I recommend buying them from Etsy for better quality and so you can support Black businesses. AVOID HEATED PRODUCTS AND TRYYYYY TO LIMIT DYING YOUR HAIR

And lastly, body care. I don’t have much to say except that African black soap is your best friend and always put on lotion. Always. Nivea + almond oil is a great combo.

Get a library card

Watch more video essays

Go on walks daily

People watch

Go to cat cafes

Limit your screen time

Fix your posture

Do breathing exercises

Do mobility stretches every morning

[pale-opal]

I did not see this coming, but I am not complaining. I fully support this. Let's get into it:

First of all, I am so happy that you're cool with me and Sneaky hijacking your post (lol). I didn't think you would mind, but I was also curious about how you would react outside of that.

Marty being isekai'd to save the lives of everyone she cares about has so much potential. Most people would probably take the easy route and try to prevent the Elf Wars by focusing on keeping Zero from being sealed up, but not Marty. She's going to do this right. She's snatching everyone up and improving their lives, not just making sure they survive.

The Hunters would totally be after the pirates after Marty commits two kidnappings (technically it's only one, but they don't know that). Maybe Colonel would lead the efforts to get them back, since Repliforce doesn't exist yet? He'd probably be concerned about their wellbeing. Hence the alliance - while he respects X and Zero's decision to stay onboard the ship, he'd absolutely want to make it obvious that they can come back whenever they want (they never do). He could also take out Sigma when the pirates are too busy living their best lives. I think he and most of Repliforce (including Iris and General) would be survive the events of X4 (they could even team up with the pirates to clear their names, since Repliforce was also labelled maverick for some debatable reasons.

The X-Hunters would be absolutely SCREWED. Since the pirates wouldn't really get involved in X1, the X-Hunters would be more concerned about resurrecting Sigma for reasons other than revenge. They never get the chance. They make the mistake of talking about their plans near the pirates, and Marty is just like "Yeah, no. Not on my watch." She knows what bringing Sigma back to life led to. The man needs to stay dead. So the X-Hunters get pulverized. Them's the breaks.

Doppler or Gate would probably be the ones to end up bringing Sigma back, though (let the crazy scientists be crazy scientists of their own volition, Capcom. Sigma can't run everything all the time), much to Marty's dismay. But then she figures that if X and Zero could take him out in the original timeline, then things would go much smoother now. X5 would be much less traumatic (nobody dies except Sigma! Hooray!)

I like the idea of the crew becoming a mix of random people who just need a second chance! I think X would have something to do with that. He'd definitely come to extend a hand to anyone willing to take it, now that he's in an environment that allows him to do so.

Also, I agree with X having a bunch of hobbies that he can work on when he isn't a diplomat. Maybe he'd have pet sea snails? Have a bunch of plants? Take up scrapbooking? Let X be domestic, gosh darn it!

Zero would be the best bodyguard. Nobody is getting hurt on his watch. He would probably break up any fights that took place (not that there would be many - nobody would want to run the risk of ticking him off, after all).

Axl would absolutely do random, little things that would cause Saturday-morning cartoon levels of silliness ("Hey rookie, wanna test out the new cannons?"). Nobody gets hurt, but everyone does learn a lesson and ends up having a good laugh.

Vile would probably be alive either the events of X3, assuming he still needs to be rebuilt. Maybe he has something to do with Red Alert being able to track the pirates down after they recruit Axl (imagine Red Alert with a boat??? Like, they get Splash Warfly's battleship and start going after them, but the problem is that Warlfy is the only one who knows anything about boats. At least one person falls overboard at some point), and he continues to be a menace afterwards. So Zero, Marty, and the rest of the crew would eventually come to the conclusion that they need to take this guy down. Doing so leads to them finding out about Lumine, who could be the antagonist of the whole thing, maybe (he keeps actively trying to discourage Marty from altering the timeline, but he never shows his face until X8 because he is a coward)? After finding out that this little lavender-haired loser has been behind the problems that they have, Marty, Zero, and Axl all look at him and think: "Yeah. We can take him." Cut to him being kicked on the ground. He doesn't get to insert the mystery gem into Axl's head. They make sure he's too dead to pull a fast one like that. Marty brings moondust home for X.

And once the alternate version of Command Mission takes place and all of The Horrors have successfully been stopped, Marty and X get married and live the rest of the rest of their days out at sea with their found family in peace, potentially featuring the Guardians as their children.

MartyX but Marty is trying to undoom X from his tragic narrative.

To embrace the wonders of freedom without the burdens of destiny. Break free from the shackles of fate and cast away your thorned crown!

I want Marty to take X away and let him enjoy life!! Be a pirate!! Let’s go to the sea together!

Well technically they have the fight but he can be a diplomat and see the world in a different angle! Se different points of views human and reploids views! The law isn’t the only answer!

I love the idea of the chosen one character to break free from their destiny and choose their own path! Especially the rebel character being the one to show them that there’s another way!!!

[starrspice]

Hi there

Hey hello everyone.

I have not been super active lately (I’ve been kinda busy and life’s been a little crazy) BUT

I won’t leave you entirely empty handed. You guys voted for an OC ramble so Here you go!!!!

Because OMG I’m feral and they’re all I think about! There’s a LOT of info because I love them, and want to ramble so if you’re interested there’s more below the cut

SO let’s start with the main 4 I’ve had in my brain since I was like. 15

Meet the U.F.O.S.

What’s U.F.O.S. Stand for? Universal Freelance Operation Specialists ofc. They’re mercenaries! Got a job you need done? They do it no matter what star system or how dirty the job!

The team themselves are considered high level fugitives by the intergalactic administration (but that doesn't stop them from causing more chaos) and without even knowing they actually kick started the rebellion against the administration! Some people call them heroes while others call them criminals.

As for the actual members of the team:

◇Zai is always looking to get into trouble. He's the wild of the group and despite his cheery demeanor he's actually quite unpredicatble. He was rescued from an underground intergalactic fighting ring (similar to underground dog fighting rings) and most of those violent tendencies carried on with him. He was also outfitted with painful upgrades and augmentations intended to improve his battle abilities. He often avoids physical contact with people he doesn't know well but is rather touchy feely with the rest of the crew (especially Ango who he loves to pester). He's still relatively fresh from the underground fighting scene and still battles with night terrors and violent tendencies as a result

♧Ango is a techy guy who's last nerve is hanging by a thread. He's the brains of the operation and honestly is tired of always being the smartest one in the room. Despite being great with tech he doesn't really know how to deal with emotions well. Growing up emotions were never really rewarded in his family so he struggles to embrace things that involve feelings. He's the straight man and tries to keep things on track even though he often gets carried away himself. Defensive, prideful, and grumpy He's the perfect target for Zai's incessant pestering. He isn't afraid to get his hands dirty and values hard work above all else.He's on the intergalactic administration's top 10 most wanted list due his dangerous skill with tech and a rumored hacking fiasco that caused an uproar in the administration. His body is soft and stretchy like an earth slug but minus the slime so he's able to slip through small spaces with ease.

♡Gidget is a care taker/ accompanying android originally built to guard and take care of a rich aristocrats daughter. She was intended to be upgraded to an older looking model when the girl she cared for grew too old for a doll like companion. Eventually taking on the role of a personal nanny/bodyguard.However, Under a new intergalactic ruling AI as advanced as hers were dubbed sentient and were no longer allowed to be used as free labor. Not wanting to have to pay Gidget (or treat her like a person) she was cast out with the trash. After a few years of scraping by and repairing herself with scraps and spare parts she was taken in by Captain Mars and repaired by Ango before joining the U.F.O.S. Despite her small and cute stature she is actually equipped with borderline illegal high grade defense weaponry and combat programs and acts as the muscle of the group! Her toy like design makes most people mistake her for a child companion bot to which she angrily corrects that she is an unowned sentient AI. She struggles a lot with her self image, solely due to the fact her hardware doesnt match her software. Forever stuck looking like a child's toy and underestimated. Eventually in a failed mission Gidget gets damaged beyond repair. Luckily Ango is able to save her personality and memory chips and transplants them into a new body made custom for her. The Team missed her terribly for the few months it took to rebuild her.

♤A notorious Phantom thief and criminal Mastermind, Mars has been avoiding capture for years and has become a master at all kinds of things. She's bold, head strong, confident, and a jack of all trades. She's the one who formed the U.F.O.S. and is the heart of them all that keeps the team together and everything running like a well oiled machine She gets tired of Ango and Zai's antics (so she says) but adores her team. Their health, and happiness is her top priority. She considers the team to be her own family and treats them as such. With a powerful force of fire and dragon like features She's a force to be feared and a sight to behold. Her only known injury being the scar over her left eye and her tattered left ear. It's this very same scar that left her having a hard time trusting others, being very selective about who she lets close to her. Her past before she broke out of prison and formed the U.F.O.S. is shrouded in mystery. All anyone really knows is that she has a sister back on her home planet and that they don't get along well.

I've had the idea for the U.F.O.S. Webcomic for forever but i always had trouble nailing down a few plot points. The one thing thats never changed is the bond of the team being the main focus of the whole thing. A group of misfits who fit together, and who care about eachother more than anything else in the universe.

NEXT UP

Cybil and Sophie!!!!

☆Cybil Calaway

Cybil is a Half Siren, and lead singer and guitarist to a garage band in her home town (Here in the reference sheet provided she's 19). Unlike Sophie who attends the local private academy, Cybil attends the local highschool and has a reputation akin to the cliche "Bad girl" But the truth of the matter is Cybil is unapologetically herself, which a lot of locals consider to be rude or brash. She's a little blunt and sarcastic but has a big heart and cares deeply for those close to her. She's extremely passionate about music and writes all the song her band preforms. And despite her punk rock appearance, she's actually quite kind and often helps the members of her community wherever she can! She also helps her older siblings and her father at his grocery store.She has a total of 7 siblings, 2 of which have already moved out for college. One of her siblings is her twin sister Pheobe, who tragically dies in a car accident when they were 26. Cybil and Sophie broke up when they moved to different parts of the country but Cybil often remembers Sophie as one of her first great loves and the one that got away. After getting a degree in Musical composition Cybil wound up becoming the manager of her younger sister Aubrey's pop rock band and lead the band to great success! She and Aubrey both took a couple of years off from touring with the band to grieve Pheobe (and for Cybil to adjust to now taking care of Pheobe's daughter, Allison)

♡Sophie Delavigne is A rich werewolf girl who's a bit of a goody two shoes (She's 18 in the reference sheet).Except when she's with Cybil.

Despite being the poster child for a perfect, preppy, rich daughter, Sophie actually struggles a lot with identity issues. Having done whatever her family wanted of her growing up, now in her senior year of highschool she's in a panic trying to figure out who she is and what she wants to pursue in college. Upon meeting Cybil she slowly begins to find herself and enjoys the person she is when they're together. With Cybil's help Sophie realizes she wants to become a writer and possibly run her own publishing company!

Sophie has always had a friendly rivalry with her older sister Solene, and during their college years they competed to try and be named the next head of the family. Somewhere along the line Sophie gave up the competition to instead focus on her studies and personal goals, which is what lead to her sister taking over her father's company. After college Sophie slowly worked her way up the ladder. She was extremely upset when her father bought out the company she worked for (and she believes any future promotions will be her father's doing).

In my original idea for the webcomic they met in their senior year in highschool only to break up when they move to different colleges and then reconnect about 9 years later

And there you have it there's my oc info ramble for you

Feel free to ask me ANY questions im more than happy to ramble about them any time!! These are my main ocs but ive got plenty more