#cg edward teach

[sleepy-watcher]

Behold, my classification au fic!

got a bit of a funky dynamic here, Ed doesn't really participate in classification "culture", he's a flip who regressed on his own and hasn't really tried to find a regressor to look after. meanwhile, Stede has built much of his life around being a caregiver, but he doesn't feel like his classification 100% fits (of course, he's trying to ignore this).

I know classification aus are for everyone (they honestly rarely for me!) but I'm trying to make this one feel unique, so even if you're not sure, maybe give it a read anyway?

[pinkprincesspalace]

Meli’s agere alphabet (cg edition)

Spencer Reid!

This isn’t centered around any specific part of the series— any Spencer era should make sense :) HOWEVER it is autistic!Spencer bcs I said so

A - activities [what is their favorite activity (or activities) to do with you?]

He loves reading to you or playing with education based toys! He obviously lets you play with mostly whatever you want if it’s safe, but he’s the type of cg to ask you “can you count how many this is?” Or “what color is this one?”

B - baby talk [Do they like to talk in a baby voice when interacting?]

His voice is definitely a lot gentler and a little slower, but he probably wouldn’t have an excessive baby voice :)

C - cuddling [Do they like to cuddle with their regressor?]

YES! He’s a cuddly guy, gentle touches remind him you’re okay and you’re not like hurt or anything yk!

D - dress up [Will they play dress up? what would be their favorite outfit?

He might do it every once in a while! He’ll let you pick from his closet and make fun outfits for him so that he can make sure he doesn’t get dressed in something that’s scratchy or uncomfortable for him, but you still get to have fun! He WILL let you paint his nails and do his hair, though :)

E - entertainment [What is their favorite movie, show, or book to watch/read with their regressor?|

He’ll read you pretty much anything you want, and watch anything you want too! He doesn’t have a lot of preference but he does like the soft colors of Whinnie the Pooh books.

Allow me to project here by saying he LOVES reading The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane to you because it reminds you to be grateful for what you have.

F - forgiveness [How forgiving are they when their regressor makes mistakes? How fast do they forgive?]

He will forgive very easily, but makes sure to teach you the proper way to apologize and try to make things better! Very “it’s okay, I understand, but do you remember how you can make things a little better?”

G - gentle [How gentle are they with their regressor?]

SOOOO gentle, especially at first! He was really afraid of being too rough, but after a while he’ll like be a little rougher like picking you up and bouncing you around :)

H - hugs [Do they like to hug?]

He’s a big hugger if it’s not super public! He wouldn’t want to upset you, but sometimes when he’s out and about with you it gets a little overwhelming and hugs are a lot— he still gives them though! Just lets you know how he’s feeling!

I - imaginary [How imaginative are they?]

This was definitely something he tried to work on— sometimes his logic gets in the way. You’re definitely the one taking the lead on imaginative play, but if you aren’t imaginative either, he gets along fine ofc!

J- jokes [Do they like to joke around?]

He doesn’t really understand a lot of jokes, but he tries every once in a while to cheer you up in a bad day :)

K - kisses [Do they like to give (platonic) kissies?Where is their favorite spot to kiss?]

Probably just the head and hands (after they’ve been washed of course)! But trust he will be RUSHING to give boo boo kisses

L - lullaby [Do they sing lullabies to their regressor? What is their favorite one?]

He doesn’t think he’s that good at singing and he finds it a little awkward, so he’ll only do it if you’re really struggling to sleep.

M - morning [How do they spend mornings with their regressor? (when regressed)

He either makes fun shaped pancakes or a regular bowl of cereal! It really just depends on how you’re feeling! He’ll let you sleep in for soooo long, too, but not after 11:30, that’s when he gets you up :)

N - night [How do they spend nights with their regressor? (when regressed)]

Hot cocoa or milk, a reading session, and tucking every single one of your stuffies in under your blanket :)

O - overprotective [Are they more overprotective, underprotective, or somewhere in the middle?]

Somewhere in the middle, but definitely leaning toward protective!

P - petnames [What are their favorite petnames to use for their regressor? (ex: darling, sweetheart, little one)]

He mixes between a lot of them! Mostly uses whatever you like the most, but sometimes he catches himself calling you Crash :)

Q - quality time [How much time do they usually spend with their regressor? Do they live with them or visit?]

He only visits and invites you over, but very often! As much as he loves spending time with you, his own personal space and areas is very very important to him. He needs his own spaces to recharge :)

R - regression [Do they age regress as well?]

He might, but if he does it’s very rare

S - snacks [What snacks do they feed their regressor?]

Lots of little fruits and veggies if he can get you to eat them! Pretzel sticks are calling to me idk why, but I really feel like those are his vibe

T - tea party [Do they enjoy playing tea party? Will they play with the toys and/or stuffies as well?]

Absolutely! He will make an effort to really get into with you, and if you want he’ll make real tea for your set too! He would definitely splurge for a nice tea set, not really thinking about how breakable it was. (You only play with it when you’re big enough to not be afraid to drop it, and he bought a new plastic one that you could actually use)

U - understand [How well do they understand their regressors needs and emotions?]

Very well!! Sometimes he knows what’s happening better than you do! All his degrees definitely help— it’s his job after all!

V - visit [What are some of their favorite places to visit with their regressor?]

He’s more of an introverted cg, but if you’re REALLY itching to go somewhere he will take you on a less busy day. One place he always feels safe taking you is the BAU, though!

W - warmth [Do they provide physical warmth to their regressor, such as giving blankets or cuddling? Do they make their regressor feel warm and secure, mentally?]

Both! (He has a hoard of quilts and fun blankets for you, and he even has two of them stashed in his office at work!)

X - (e)xtra [Additional headcanons?]

He’s always the quickest to wipe food off your face or remind you to wash your hands. He tries very hard to make sure he lets you be, but sometimes his germ issue gets the better of him :) all your toys are always sanitized and squeaky clean!

JJ is his holy grail for advice when his education and books on kids don’t help him. People are complex, and sometimes everything can’t be solved with what knowledge he has! She was his savior when you were having a bad week and had a few tantrums :(

Y - yummy [What are their favorite meals to make for their regressor? Are they good at cooking and/ or baking?]

He’s sort of okay at cooking, but he doesn’t really branch out beyond his usual recipes. He has a big cookbook that was his moms, and uses that selectively even if he has it memorized

He makes a good amount of pasta, soup, and he also occasionally makes some of those soft pretzels!

Z - ZzZ [Do they take naps with their regressor?What are some sleep habits of theirs?]

He will mostly read while you nap, but he falls asleep, too, sometimes :)

[berriesnursery]

Cg! Grace and Cg! Johnnie hcs

Johnnie was nervous at first to introduce grace to his little

Grace turned out to LOVE the idea of taking care of a little

Everytime Johnnie comes over with his little grace and them always play with hir cats

Grace totally cuddles their little while Johnnie sings them to sleep

Big on storytimes with them both

They would take turns and make different vouces having so much fun

Grace got their little a lot of plushies and dolls!

Grace tries to teach Johnnie how to cook for their little

Movie nights ft. Rapunzel, Nightmare before Christmas, frozen and edward scissorhands

Honestly just the sweetest cgs you could want

Lots of laughs and giggles

Authors note: Yay berry is active again, send requests bbys💗

[tasteofdeathao3]

Ed's morning starts when he hears hushed murmurs from the other side of the bedroom door.

"Are you ready to give Baba your presents, sweetheart?"

"Dada." He hears Izzy say firmly, he can practically hear the pout in his voice.

"Oh, is he Dada today?" Stede whispers. "Well go on, do you remember what to say when we go inside?"

Ed rolls back over when he hears the door latch go, keeping as still as possible so Izzy won't suspect he was already awake. He hears the hesitant patter of feet against the carpet and the barely there murmurs from Stede as Izzy no doubt keeps stopping in the middle of the room.

Something pokes his shoulder, and Ed fakes an impressive yawn as he rolls over to meet Izzy, wide eyes and nibbling on his bottom lip.

"Hi."

Ed laughs at Izzy's bluntness. "Hi, bubs."

Izzy looks between Ed and Stede, seemingly lost.

"What do we say, darling?" Stede mouths at Izzy over and over until Izzy's memory catches up with him.

"Oh! Oh!" Izzy suddenly jumps, clambering up onto the bed and squashing Ed in the process.

"Dada." He says firmly, his hands resting on Ed's shoulders.

"That's me!" Ed replies.

"Father's Day."

"Happy," Stede interjects

"Happy Father's Day." Izzy says again, looking very proud of himself from above Ed.

"Oh my goodness!" Ed exclaims, grinning wider when his reaction makes Izzy giggle. "Thank you so much, Izzy-pie!"

Izzy giggles more at the name, sitting back on Ed's legs, and Stede takes the change to set a small number of wrapped presents on Ed's tummy and hands one to Izzy.

"Are you ready to give Dada your card, little one?"

"Yes." Izzy whispers, and thrusts the folded piece of card in his hands against Ed's face.

"Oh- jeez," Ed gets the card far enough from his face to read and smiles. "Thank you, bug." He says, making out the messy uncoordinated handwriting that spells out 'I love you' over the top of several very colourful crayon drawings.

"I'm so happy, little buddy." Ed tells him, setting the card delicately on the bedside table. "I'm gonna keep it forever, birdy."

Izzy lays on top of Ed to give him a proper squeeze, squashing all the presents between them, and Ed squeezes him right back.

[kitty-cuddle-time]

tiny Stede would adore Jake and the neverland pirates

[downupthebayleaf]

chapter 10 posted :) sorry to everyone for the wait

[strawberrysteeth]

Big Izzy: *will literally get stabbed and will just keep on doing his job*

Little Izzy: *gets a paper cut and will cry for an hour and go find Ed and Stede so he can get kisses and hugs to make it all better*

[deathleadsarc]

     I’ve got a new little project I’m working on... at least the outline, after this ‘House project’ and her full-body is done!

So I’ve been reading quite a few visual novels recently and the CG’s caught my attention recently... Sometimes while I do threads, when significant moments or when sweet or interesting moments happen in her threads from my partner or even from myself, I always picture a REALLY cool CG to go along with that scene. 

So I thought to myself that I would attempt to recreate them!!

her own personal story goes without saying - her brother Edward teaching her alchemy, the aftermath of her ‘hand attack’, Ishval as a whole,  finding and raising Poe BUT ALSO

Her Fight with Atlas that happened like 2 years ago, very significant for her. Atlas telling her he’s in love with her under the stars, just regular adorable scenes with the two of them we haven’t even threaded yet.

The imagery of Chrissy killing a man while Solf watches her, her saving him from getting eaten during the Promised Day, going on dates and getting to hear him call her Paramore for the first time... also many more things we haven’t threaded yet...

Easy teaching her how to swim, how to accept friendship, hugging her, learning how to hold a sheep...

drinking with Roy, him pulling things out of her hair

her looking at Ed’s automail...

Lust showing her affection - 

Literally SO MUCH with Nina

So many more things!!

[our-flag-means-death-ao3feed]

Sorting Things Out

by mothmerchant

Slowly, Stede is trying to get better at being around others when he’s like this. It’s easier on small days, where he can ease himself into a group rather than feel like the odd one out.

That’s what he’s trying now. Many of the others have gathered in a circle, each with a plushie in hand, with plans to play some sort of game with them all. Stede has seen the elaborate stories they create, deeply engaged in their games of pretend. He thinks he’d quite like joining in on that sort of thing.

OR

The crew likes to play on small days. Stede doesn't quite get it.

Words: 2671, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 5 of Small Days

Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Stede Bonnet, Blackbeard | Edward Teach

Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet

Additional Tags: Age Regression/De-Aging, Autistic Stede Bonnet, a look into how autism affects regression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Author Projecting onto Stede Bonnet, Blackbeard | Edward Teach Loves Stede Bonnet, Ed being THE best cg Stede could ever hope for, Age Regressor Stede Bonnet, Age Regression Caregiver Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Soft Blackbeard | Edward Teach

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/41619081

[vocalfriespod]

Transcript 10: Down in the Holler

MEGAN: Welcome to the Vocal Fries Podcast, the podcast about linguistic discrimination.

CARRIE: I’m Carrie Gillon

MEGAN: And I’m Megan Figueroa. We have one housekeeping item: another email. It’s our third email. We’re just gonna keep counting. That’s how exciting that is. And it’s from the Ivory Coast. “Hello Carrie and Megan, I was listening to your Freaky Friday episode today and you gave a shout out to the Ivory Coast. So I figured I’d say “hi” and introduce myself as your listener in the Ivory Coast.” Wait. We have more than one, right?

CARRIE: Unless she’s downloading 50 copies of each episode or something, yeah, no, she’s not the only one.

MEGAN: To each their own. If that’s what she’s doing. Back to the email. “You probably looked at your stats and thought ‘huh, that’s weird’.”

CARRIE: Yeah, I did! That’s why I said it!

MEGAN: Yeah. That’s what Carrie did. Ok. “Anyways, I’ve listened to all but your most recent episode now, and I really enjoy them. I found out about you through Lingthusiasm.” Thank you, Lingthusiasm!

CARRIE: Thank you!

MEGAN: “And I’m really glad you have a show about this topic since it’s once I’m passionate about too. Although I usually come at it from a different angle. I’m an English teacher and teacher trainer and linguicism - the term I usually use for linguistic discrimination, although I usually have to include a gloss, since it’s unfortunately not in common use yet - is one of the areas I’m passionate about. Especially how it intersects with race and gender. Within TESOL, Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages, there are a lot of linguistic discrimination issues that come up, both in the discrimination that English learners face, but also in hiring practices that favor native speakers over non-native English speaking teachers. If you’re looking for new areas to cover for future episodes, the linguicism faced by language learners and language teachers and the role that native speakerism plays in perpetuating standard language ideology seems very much connected to the type of things you talk about on the show. Earlier this year, I actually wrote an article about this. If you’re interested, it’s online here.” And we’ll link to it. “Anyways, I thought I’d say “hi” and let you know I appreciate what you’re doing and enjoying listening from here in the Ivory Coast.” Thank you very much, Riah!

CARRIE: I like how she adds the pronunciation for us.

MEGAN: Yes, like rye bread, I love it.

CARRIE: I love it too. Thank you so much for that.

MEGAN: Yeah, I have to do that with my dog. My dog’s name is Rilo [rye-lo]. But it’s spelled like “real-o”.

CARRIE: Yeah. It could be pronounced either way.

MEGAN: Especially if you’re a Spanish speaker, right? Cuz there’s no ‘I’ sound in Spanish.

CARRIE: Or basically any other European language.

MEGAN: True.

CARRIE: English is the odd one out.

MEGAN: Always.

CARRIE: I also want to point out that Riah’s suggestion was also given to me by one of my former students, Edward. So this is clearly a topic that needs to be discussed. And it’s not just about native vs. non-native, it’s also about which varieties are acceptable and which are not. So you could be, say, an English speaker from India and that would not be the kind of dialect that schools would want probably.

MEGAN: Right.

CARRIE: So: yeah! I do think we should talk about it. It’s on the list!

MEGAN: Isn’t the British accent favorable?

CARRIE: English, North American.

MEGAN: Oh it is?

CARRIE: It depends on the school, depends on location, but there definitely - a lot of schools want American or Canadian teachers over some other varieties.

MEGAN: Well this is definitely something we should talk about, since _I_ have a lot of questions about it. I’m sure other people do too! Cuz I think from Twitter, from what I can tell, we do have a lot of TESOL English teacher-type listeners.

CARRIE: Yeah.

MEGAN: Very exciting. Alright!

CARRIE: And today we’re gonna talk about Appalachian /æpəlɑʧn̩/ or Appalachian /æpəleɪʧn̩/ English and we’re gonna ask our guest how it’s actually pronounced.

MEGAN: Yes. He’s from Appalaycha-lahcha.

CARRIE: This kind of reminds me also of Copenhaygen-hahgen /koʊpn̩heɪgn̩hɑgn̩/ [CG: Copenhagen]. Apparently, everybody pronounces it incorrectly. The way that they mock us for pronouncing it incorrectly is saying Copenhaygen-hahgen /koʊpn̩heɪgn̩hɑgn̩/.

MEGAN: Ohhhh. That’s fun. It’s also like - thinking about Arizona - if you say Prescott /pɹɛskət/ vs. Press-cott /pɹɛskɑt/.

CARRIE: Yes.

MEGAN: If someone says Press-cott /pɹɛskɑt/, you’re like, “oh, where are you from? It’s not Arizona.”

CARRIE: Speaking of that, there was an episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend where there was supposed to be a character from Prescott, and he pronounced it like Press-cott /pɹɛskɑt/!

MEGAN: No.

CARRIE: And I was like, “nope! Nope.”

MEGAN: See. Ya gotta get an Arizonan in the room. That’s what that means.

CARRIE: Yeah. Or even just ask.

MEGAN: Yeah!

CARRIE: If it’s just one word, one name, you don’t have to have someone in the room.

MEGAN: That’s true.

CARRIE: But maybe you should make sure that you really know how to pronounce the place names. Cuz place names are the most variable, I would say.

MEGAN: Yes. Don’t think that the easy obvious spelling is actually how you pronounce it. Cuz Prescott is like pretty obvio- it looks like “Scott”. I got you. Alright. I’m going to introduce our guest. Dr. Paul Reed is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Communicative Disorders at the University of Alabama. He researches phonetics and sociophonetics, sociolinguistics, speech perception and language processing and other aspects of Southern and Appalachian /æpəlɑʧn̩/ or Appalachian /æpəleɪʧn̩/ Englishes. We want to ask you, Paul, how do you say that?

PAUL: For us, it’s always Appalachian /æpəlɑʧn̩/.

MEGAN: It’s always Appalachian /æpəlɑʧn̩/.

PAUL: Yeah. Now granted, if you go a little further north, if you go past West Virginia, then you may get some /leʃn̩/ and stuff like that, but it’s a bit of those that - so, growing up, the reason it’s always /lɑʧn̩/ for us - so, during the war on poverty, the Appalachian Volunteers, the AVs, they came into our region and they wanted to help. And so this was usually college students, but they also came with a bit of a “we know how to fix you”. And so a lot of them had /leʃə/. So growing up, it was always a marker of an outsider, usually with a particular view of our region that said /leʃə/. So it’s kinda one of those shibboleths for certain areas of the region, especially in southern Appalachia, where it’s a little bit more - it’s more rural and the poverty was more widespread. It didn’t get so much of the effects of the war on poverty until much later.

MEGAN: Ok so.  Appa-lachia /æpəlɑʧə/.

PAUL: Yes.

MEGAN: Ok.

PAUL: We won’t kick you out or anything.

MEGAN: No, I mean I know. I’m sure it’s - I just do not want to signal that I think any less of anyone. But we’re so grateful for you to be talking with us today.

CARRIE: Yeah, thank you.

MEGAN: Thank you for being here.

PAUL: I’m thrilled to be here, thank you so much.

MEGAN: First off, I can put the two together and figure out what it is, but tell us what sociophonetics is.

PAUL: Sure. Sociophonetics is a branch of sociolinguistics. Sociolinguistics is looking at the intersection of language and social groupings, or language and society. Sociophonetics takes that and it brings it down to a phonetic level. It looks at how different groups of people, people with different identities, people from different areas, how they phonetically manipulate their production. Something as finely grained as how do your vowels change, the slight differences in consonant articulations, and things like that. It’s sort of this same kind of idea, but it’s done in a phonetic level. The only thing that makes it a little harder is - so, sometimes we want to exercise as much control over the stimuli or the recording as someone in a phonetics lab. But we also want the most natural speech possible. You try to use as much control as possible, in a way to - but at the same time, trying to get as natural. You try to move someone to the quietest room in their house, preferably with lots of curtains and carpets, and get away from things like fridges and air conditioners and stuff like that. And you might come up, and you hope for the best. I did have one recording - it’s funny, it’s a 94-year-old participant and she was great. But she was on an oxygen machine. We talked for a long time, but certain things I couldn’t do with her recording because - obviously I can’t ask her to turn that off. But I was able to use the qualitative stuff. It was one of those where I was like, “aw! So close!”

MEGAN: Isn’t it that the problem - well, I mean, not a problem - just like something to overcome a bit for all sociolinguists? The natural vs. are they - what is it called? speaker - when you’re there with them?

PAUL: Observer effect.

MEGAN: Yes. Yes, that.

PAUL: Yeah. That’s sort of an issue for everyone, but if someone - you could just unobtrusively set a recorder down, and people can forget about it. If you’ve miked them up and even if you - some people even put a mic connected to with the little over the ear thing, it’s harder to get them to forget about that, because they’re literally connected to. Although, the one thing - so, in my work, I was able to go back home. I was sitting across from people that knew me, that knew my parents, knew my grandparents. There was a bit of time where people just sort of forgot. Because they were sitting with someone they knew. They were sitting with Little Paul Reed, which, if you guys have ever seen me, that’s kinda a funny misnomer, cuz I’m about 6’8”. So it’s sort of - it’s kinda funny. Cuz everyone from my hometown calls me that, because my dad is Paul too, and he was Big Paul and I’m Little Paul. Even though I haven’t really been little for 20 years.

MEGAN: I’m guessing he’s shorter than you, too, at this point.

PAUL: Yes. He was about 6’4”.

MEGAN: Ok!

PAUL: So he was big, he just didn’t wind up as big as his son did.

CARRIE: You’re like Little John.

PAUL: Exactly. Exactly, yes.

MEGAN: So then would you say then that you speak Appalachian English?

PAUL: Yes. Yeah, I would say that I’m definitely a native speaker.

MEGAN: Ok.

CARRIE: One of the questions I have is: what are the boundaries for Appalachia vs. the rest of the South? And connected to that also is how is the language different from this region vs. the rest?

PAUL: That’s a great question. It’s always one of those that - so there’s the official designation of Appalachia, which is set forth by the Appalachia Regional Commission, a division of the federal government. There’s 410 counties over 13 states, stretching literally from about Jackson, Mississippi all the way up into western New York. People hear that and they’re like, “that’s huge!” But of course when most people think Appalachia, they don’t think all the way from Mississippi to New York. They think usually about - and we call it the core region. The whole state of West Virginia, southwest Virginia, eastern Kentucky, east Tennessee, western North Carolina, and a little bit, a smidge of the other states connecting. Northeast Alabama, north Georgia, maybe a little cut of South Carolina. That’s the core region and where people - that’s where the features are, there are more of them, that’s sort of the core region where people inside and outside the region would say, “that’s definitely Appalachia”. And as far as what differentiates it from the rest of the South, it’s really, honestly, most times, a quantitative rather than qualitative difference. Things like the Southern Vowel Shift, where you have the monophthongization of /i/. So in words like “price”, “pry” and “prize”, you’ll have monophthongization in all of those contexts at a much higher rate than in other areas. In large parts of the South, you’ll only get it in prevoiced and open syllables, so “prize”, “pry”. But in Appalachia, you’ll also get it in prevoiceless conditions, so “price”. And you’ll have it approaching categorical. There’s a lot of individual variation, which is what my work looked at. So that’s one of the features. But also, you have a few grammatical structures that occur more often or in more contexts. Things like double modals. That’s combinations like “might could” and “might should” “may can”.

MEGAN: Love that.

PAUL: You have those all over. “Might could” is pretty widespread. You get that from almost to Arizona all the way to-

MEGAN: I have it yeah.

PAUL: Yeah, all the way to the East Coast. But in Appalachia you have more of them in more conditions. I personally have “might could” “might can” “may can” “may could” “might should” “may should” “will can” “used to could” “used to would” “should oughta” “oughta should” “might should oughta”. And then I can also make questions. Things where - and this is where some of the work I’ve done starts to tease apart the difference between the core area and the periphery. When you make a question, usually you’ll take the second modal and move it. It’ll be like, “mmmm… should you might do this?” That’s the sort of typical way. Some people are just like, “no. That’s terrible. What are you doing, you’ve just butchered the language.” That’s sort of one of the things - being able to - all of the different combinations in a lot of different contexts. In more of them. And able to do things like form questions. Or where you put the negation, cuz you can say “might not should” or “might should not”. “Might couldn’t.” So how much contraction you allow and where you allow the negation to appear is sort of one of the features that starts to distinguish the region. Along with, of course, a lot of lexical items. This is where it gets fun. Because it’s a region with a lot creativity. People do a lot of things that aren’t necessarily completely unusual, but it’s very creative. I remember growing up, people would say things like, “man, he’s he workingest man I ever saw.” And you’ve basically added a superlative to “working”, which is interesting. And of course people can immediately parse what you mean. But it’s not necessarily something you’re gonna produce. And some other lexical items, there’s all sorts of terms for things. I was teaching this a couple of weeks ago to my students. Most of them are from the South, cuz we’re at the University of Alabama. Lot of people are from the South. One of my students is from northeast Alabama. In Appalachia. She said, “Dr. Reed, do you know all the words for ‘moonshine’?” I know some of them. So we started comparing the words we have for “moonshine”. So of course you’ve got “shine”, “moonshine”. This is my personal favorite: “Oh Be Joyful”.

CARRIE: That is great. I’ve never heard that before.

PAUL: So people will say, “you got any Oh Be Joyful?” That’s another one. One other - and this one I didn’t even realize until I was in graduate school. That not everyone uses this. It’s called the “alternative one”. It’s very common to say something like, “yeah, you know, we should probably do that Monday or Tuesday one.” In the sense of “one or the other”, but you put both options and then “one” after it and the interlocutor would understand “oh, you’re giving me a choice here.” But not everybody does that. I remember saying that to a friend of mine and got this blank look of “I don’t think I know what you mean.” There are some features that are not necessarily unique but they’re quantitatively different. There are some that are probably on the border of being qualitatively different, but it’s kinda hard to say because the borders are definitely sort of fuzzy. And the closer you get to the core, that core area that I was talking about, people will have more of them and in more contexts.

MEGAN: So then would you say that non-linguists, or people just listening to a Southern American English speaker and then an Appalachian English speaker, would they be able to tell the difference? Or you have to be more of a trained ear.

PAUL: You can tell the difference, but what you often get is somebody’ll say, “you sound REALLY Southern.” Or “you sound REALLY country.” Or for whatever reason people will also think you’re from Texas. So you get, “are you from Texas?” No. We Tennesseans, we saved Texas. The only reason that they’re - we saved them. When I lived in Texas, I made sure I brought that up as much as possible. Which was probably a faux pas, but it’s alright.

MEGAN: Ok. So their dialect is gonna be different from yours.

PAUL: There’s some - in east Texas, cuz there were a lot of people from the mid-South that went to Texas. East Texas, in and around Houston and a little further north, there were a lot of Tennesseans and eastern Kentuckians and those that went. So there are some similarities. It’s not completely off the wall, but it’s definitely something that’s shifted and morphed, cuz we’re talking about the 1830s and 1840s. There’s been a lot of change. But people will say things like, “you sound REALLY Southern.” That’s usually what you get. It’s not necessarily that they don’t recognize - they recognize there’s a difference, but they don’t really know what that difference is. Sometimes within the South, you may get the “country”. Somebody sounds really country. And that’s what you get a lot. Because in the South as a whole, there’s a big urban/rural divide. A lot of the cities have really grown in the last 50 years. The distinction between urban/rural has grown. You get a lot of that, “you sound really country, are you from the sticks?” or “Are you from the boonies?” That kind of stuff. There’s some notion that it’s not necessarily associated with urban areas. Very rarely does somebody say, “are you from Appalachia?” Usually you’ll get “are you country?” In a lot of people’s minds, it’s kind of the same thing.

CARRIE: Also, mountain folk, right?

PAUL: Yes. You’ll get some mountain folk, but that’s usually from people very close to the region that live and they’ve been able to see that distinction. Even though, for example, where I went to college in Knoxville, Tennessee is considered part of Appalachia, very close by, people would know that “oh you’re from the mountains.” Knoxville’s in the valley, and within Appalachia, the valley and mountain or valley and ridge distinction is pretty salient. As Appalachia was settled, people settled in the valleys first. That was where there was better land, and you had people of a certain means, you could get some land in the bottom land along the rivers and valleys. If you came a little bit later, or if you didn’t have as many resources, you had to get higher and higher, cuz the land was cheaper. And so there’s a distinction. Even to this day, there’s a little bit between the valley and the ridge. My wife is from they valley and she’s not - we grew up maybe 50-60 miles apart. Not very far. But there are certain things that I say that she doesn’t say. Certain idioms and sayings, and sometimes the way that we say things is a little distinct. Which is kinda funny, cuz again, we’re both from east Tennessee, we’re not from that far apart. But there’s definitely some distinctions.

CARRIE: Cool!

PAUL: I mean like anywhere, anywhere has distinctions. But in people’s minds, people are like, “oh, you’re both from east Tennessee, you’re both gonna sound the same.” No, not really.

MEGAN: Do you think people are picking up on the phonology, the lexical items, what is it that they’re picking up on when they say “are you from the boonies?” What is it that they’re picking up on?

PAUL: I think, the times it’s happened to me, it’s usually been a combination. When I’ve said something with my phonology, but it’s a saying or a grammatical structure that they’re not familiar with. Another time when I was in college, one of my teammates, he was - I played basketball - so he needed a ride to the airport. And I said, “sure man, I don’t care at all to take you.” He’s like, “ok, I’ll go with somebody else.” I’m like, “why would you do that? I just told you I’d take you.” “No you didn’t, you said you don’t care to take me.” And I said, “exactly. I don’t care at all. I’d love to take you.” He just gave me this blank look, that doesn’t compute, man. It was one of those - we had sort of a misunderstanding. I thought, with my intonation and facial expression, that he knew that I was gonna take him. Things like that. That’s when he was like, “you country people.” Which was a joke. My teammates would call me the mountain man, or Paul Bunyan. That’s sort of part of that, is it’s literally a joke. But there was something like that. I think a combination of the phonology and something that took a minute, there was a little bit of a miscommunication.

CARRIE: Yeah, I would have interpreted it the same way he did.

MEGAN: Yeah, me too.

PAUL: So if someone is from Appalachia, potentially other parts of the South, “I don’t care to” is not always negative. Especially with a “I don’t care to take you at all!”

CARRIE: That’s interesting. One of the things - one of the reasons we wanted to talk to you is because - whatshisname - JD Vance was back in the news.

PAUL: Yes.

CARRIE: Do you have any feelings towards his work?

PAUL: I have lots of feelings about JD Vance. Some of them will probably need to be edited slightly. No, I'm just kidding.

CARRIE: You can swear if you want. We swear on this.

MEGAN: We have an explicit rating.

PAUL: JD Vance is, he’s full of what makes the grass grow green in lots of ways. Because the main thing is is that if his autobiography were his own story, the story of a child from a broken home that got access to education, had some people that mentored him, and made good. He was able to attend some fine colleges and he did well for himself. If that were his book, then it would be great. But the fact that first and foremost, a 30 year old is writing an autobiography - and not an autobiography. He’s writing an elegy for an entire region. And a region, he didn’t grow up in. He’s from Ohio. He grew up in Ohio. He spent summers and he spent time back in Kentucky, but he did not grow up in the region. And trying to put his experiences, and the experiences of his mother, with all of her demons and all of her issues, as somehow indicative of an entire region - even if you’re looking at just the core region, you’re talking about 6 states. Millions of people. And basically saying, “hey, this is what they’re all like. They’re all fighting, and they’re all violent, and they’re all drug addicts.” That part is infuriating. Because that is the same trope that’s been going on for 150 years. In the period after the civil war, there was this kind of literature called Local Color. It was journalists from urban areas, like Baltimore and DC and other places, and they wanted to write about interesting places around the country. And because Appalachia wasn’t that far away, they would go, and they would seek out the people who were the most different. And so of course, it’s looking at people who were impoverished, people that were barely scraping by. They would write stories about them. And those stories would be very the same thing, how some people make good, some people are able to escape. But it’s the culture of poverty, it’s the culture of deprivation, it’s the culture of this. And that’s painting this brush. And even though people just up the holler from them are completely different, their reality is completely different, they paint everyone with the same brush. Some of these stories sold like wildfire. Because they were in Harper’s, they were in the Atlantic, and other things, so these magazines that we still have to this day, but they sold. It’s literally the exact same trope of it wasn’t drugs, it wasn’t opioids back then, but it was the moonshiners, and the impoverishment. Because they were Scotch-Irish, they liked to fight, cuz they were all clannish. And it’s stuff of just like - this is like a zombie trope. We just need to slay it and let it die. But it just won’t. That’s my biggest issue. Again, his story is incredible. What he faced and the way he was able to overcome it was very inspiring. But when you try to say that the way that you grew up is the way that everyone grows up and the demons that your parents, and his mother faced, are the same demons that everyone faces, that’s where it gets annoying. And then also the fact that he footnoted his own autobiography. You don’t footnote an autobiography. You’re not pointing out research when it’s about your own life. That’s the thing that’s irritating. And then the fact that he’s somehow become the voice of the region. And there are scholars that have been working in the region and are from the region that have been writing for 50 years, people like Dwight Billings at Kentucky, and people like Anita Puckett at Virginia Tech, Mimi Pickering at Appalshop. There’s just so many people that have written and told a story and a nuanced story and a complicated and complex story. But that doesn’t sell as much. And it’s - no one likes to hear “hey, it’s so difficult because you’ve got extractive industries, you’ve got poverty, you’ve got rampant capitalism.” And then you’ve got other things that - frankly the fact that JD Vance has become our voice just pisses most of us off. In a way that is - so I’m a member of the Appalachian Studies Association and I think he’s been invited at least twice now and has yet to appear. I don’t know if it’s just that he - if it’s one of those - he just can’t fit it into his busy schedule. Strangely enough he’s still able to be on other networks and stuff. But anyway. JD Vance is - he’s not - he’s irritating.

MEGAN: These tropes that he’s reinforcing, it wasn’t just - they were persisting before him. If feels just kinda like - he’s bringing it into a national spotlight even more. Is that true?

PAUL: Yeah.

MEGEAN: Ok.

CARRIE: And it’s keeping it - it’s still perpetuating now. Everyone goes and interviews all these Trump supporters from the particular region and it’s all the same kind of - or at least intersecting tropes. It just keeps happening.

PAUL: Yes.

MEGAN: Right.

PAUL: And again, people in certain parts of Appalachia, their lives haven’t changed in 50 years. They’re worse off than their grandparents were. Or on par. Because of stagnant wages and with the decline of coal and the decline of timbering and things like that, certain industries are dying. And it IS sad. But at the same time, that’s not everybody. Some of the stories and the way that they’re written are so patronizing. That’s the thing that’s irritating. It’s like, “oh, we’re gonna go find some of the towns in West Virginia that have been decimated.” Because once the coalmines closed, people had to leave. If they didn’t have a way to make any more income. So they did leave. So some of these towns are hurting, and hurting badly. But, that’s not everybody. You don't see anyone rolling into Knoxville or to Chattanooga or to Asheville or to Lexington or other places that are thriving - Greenville, South Carolina, which is technically part - those cities are doing very well. And not just the cities, their suburbs, and you don’t get the stories from there of the successes that are going on. Or the thriving small towns that are making a difference. That’s the story that’s not told. And that part is sad and frustrating, because the region has been exploited for 300 years, particularly the last 150 years, and so much of its wealth and its beauty have left because of absentee ownership and other things that - it was almost - some writers have described it as an internal colony. Because so many of the resources were taken away and the riches produced weren’t reinvested back in the region. And there’s lots of reasons for that. The natural resources were taken but the people were not - they didn’t reap the benefits of that.

MEGAN: So do you think that that’s the biggest stereotype or misconception about people from the region is the impoverished kind of trope that’s -

PAUL: I think so. Normally - there’s kinda two big tropes. They’re sort of flip sides of each other, but you’ve got the degenerate hillbilly, poor, no shoes, no teeth. Shiftless, lazy. All of those. Then you also, on the flip side, sometimes when you say “Appalachia” people think tradition, it’s almost a positive thing, like “ooh, it’s pretty, traditional values” in some ways. So you get - sometimes there is some positive thing. They are obviously outweighed by the negative, but you can get this yin and this yang or this Janus idea of two sides. But if you were ever to google search “Appalachia”, and look at the images, for every 10 hillbillies there’s one “ooh, look how pretty”. Or you get these obviously all of the caricatures and stereotypes. So I think that that’s - the impoverished and the hillbilly, kinda go hand in hand. You do get some positive things, and those are - even in Vance’s book, he talked about the family togetherness and the independence. Some of those, even though as is portrayed in his book are negative, you can pull positive things from that. I guess I should - my small caveat, it’s not all negative in his book. Just mostly.

CARRIE: One of the words that you used in that discussion was “holler” which I definitely associate with Appalachia.

PAUL: Yes! Yes! I think it can be called a “hollow”, but if you say “hollow”, no one knows what you’re talking about. So it’s a “holler”. And it’s a - I don’t exactly know the strict definition of what a “holler” is. I can point some out to you but I don’t know.

CARRIE: I always interpret them as small valleys. But maybe I’m wrong.

PAUL: It’s a small, long valley that - usually there’s one way in but there’s land that’s arable and useable and people can live close or far. And usually as you’re going in, you’re going up too. So if you’re deep in a holler, you’re probably moving up the ridge.

CARRIE: Oh! That’s interesting.

MEGAN: It’s good that that was cleared up because I heard it and I was like “I don’t know what’s happening!”

CARRIE: The first time I ever heard the word was in - not Longmire. What’s that tv show about the federal agent. From Kentucky? Right? Tennessee?

PAUL: Justified?

CARRIE: Justified! The first time I ever heard that word, I think, was Justified. And I had to look it up.

PAUL: Yup. Now Justified is actually decent. I will say that’s a show that I can watch and reasonably enjoy. Obviously some of the bad guys are so over the top and it’s almost like, really? But for the most part it’s a reasonable display of the region. It’s obviously not perfect, but it’s pretty good. As far as-

MEGAN: What about the dialect?

PAUL: It’s decent. They did get a lot of extras from the region itself and so a lot of those are fairly good. Obviously, some of the stars aren’t necessarily from the region, so theirs is - most of the time, any time you get an actor and try to teach them, certain things’ll be really good. And then other things will be “meh”. It’s oftentimes like - the Southern accent just as a whole is hard, just because there’s a lot of nuance there. A really good version is Jude Law in Cold Mountain. A really terrible version is Jake Gyllenhaal in October Sky. I almost had to stop watching the movie. I’m like, “this is terrible.” Oh man. It was - he was giving it a decent try, but it’s like man. As linguists, we gotta do some more work. We gotta some work. Cuz it was not good. Not good at all.

CARRIE: What do you think people are judging when they judge you or other Appalachian speakers for their dialect?

PAUL: I think it’s two things. Obviously, first and foremost, you’re - we’re all raised in this culture, we’re all presented with these stereotypes, we’re presented with these ideas - because not everyone has experience with the region. And so just like most human things, we try to categorize. Based on what we’ve been told. If you are inundated with this idea of hillbilly and poor and backwards and Trump country to the nth degree, with a little sprinkling of very pretty and traditional and things like that. Which, some of those are even reinforced. I think that’s what we do, the same way that those of us who grew up in the region that may not have had any experience with New York or Boston or the Midwest, what do you have to default to, what have we absorbed from our culture. Some of that is positive about certain areas and some of it is also negative. Sadly for Appalachia, a lot of it is negative. We’re inundated with a lot of negativity, sprinkled with some positivity. But that’s what we default to cuz that’s the only thing we have. And of course we like black and white answers. We like good or not so good. But when something is complex and nuanced and there’s lots of gray and not just black and white that’s what people - so for example, people hear me sometimes, and they hear that I’m a PhD and I wear my shoes and I have my teeth, there’s some cognitive dissonance there, like, “what happened? Wait a minute, you’re not a blatant racist, or misogynist, or things like that. What do we do with that? And you’re not poor.” Not that I’m rich, but “you’re not dirt poor, living on a dirt floor.” It’s weird. I was on an athletic visit to New York City, and I was there and one of the guys was like, “hey man, so you’re from Tennessee!” And it was like, “yeah.” And he looked at me and said, “do you guys have phones there?”

CARRIE: HA!

PAUL: And I just kinda look at him and I said, “nope! We got two cans and a big long string.” But it was - granted, this is a guy that grew up in - I think he may have been from the Bronx - he had no notion. So the only thing that he had was the caricatures. And so he asked somebody literally in the year 2000 if they had phones. Which is obviously an absurd question. But it’s indicative of what did he - I was the first person from Tennessee that he knew that he had met. So what is he gonna do? He’s gonna default to what he’s been presented. And sadly that picture from a lot of pop culture and the cultural milieu is negative, and so that’s what he did. And of course back then I didn’t have any notion of how to answer this so I also proceeded to insult him about New York and thoity-thoid street and things like that. Again that was my first trip to New York so I had to default to my stereotypes too. That’s not my proudest moment, but that's just being transparent.

CARRIE: Well sometimes when you’re put in these situations, you just don't know how to respond.

PAUL: Exactly.

CARRIE: I wouldn’t have known.

PAUL: I was 17 so I really didn’t have a lot of world experience in how to navigate something like that. Although I will say I do have one funny story about a guy, a good friend of mine. He’s probably the smartest guy I know. He’s an agricultural engineer and he’s basically figured out ways for us to feed to the whole world, this is what he does. We were at this McDonald’s, we were on a trip and we were coming back from Saint Louis. I don’t really remember where we were. But we weren’t very close to home. My friend has a pretty pronounced Appalachian accent. He just lets it fly cuz that’s who he is and that’s who he wants to be. He ordered his food. And this guy behind him starts laughing. Then my friend turns around and says, “can I help you?” And the guy said, “what rock did you crawl out from under?”

CARRIE: Oh my god.

PAUL: And my buddy - he’s so funny, he’s so quick with this - I don’t know how - but he’s like, “let me ask you something. Do you know what an algorithm is?” And the guy’s like, “uh, no.” He said, “can you tell me what a derivative is?” And he’s like, “no.” He said, “I didn’t think so.” He said, “just cuz my mouth move slow, doesn’t mean my mind does. But apparently yours does.” And then he walked off. And it was kinda like - that was-

CARRIE: Wow.

PAUL: Terrible and amazing at the same time. Both really insulted and then I’m like, “dude, that’s like the best comeback I’ve ever heard and how did you think of that?” And he just walks with his tray and sits down. He’s like, “*sigh* we get all kinds.” And it was funny cuz he was not really upset after that, and I was like, “wow.” But what did that guy - what was his stereotype. It was, if you hear someone talking like that, they’re from so far country, so deep in the country that they live under a rock. That’s what he defaulted to. It was a really just eye opening - it’s kinda like - I wanted to be his yes man but I didn’t really know what to say so I’m like, “YEAH.”

CARRIE: TAKE THAT.

PAUL: That’s my friend!

CARRIE: Yeah. One of the things that I hear a lot is that people from the South and Appalachia, they talk lazy.

PAUL: Oh yes.

CARRIE: Can you explain why it’s not lazy.

PAUL: So it’s not lazy because no native speaker speaks lazily. It’s just sort of like that’s - it’s funny because what it is is typically Southern vowels - there’s this thing called the Southern drawl and what happens is some vowels get lengthened and they change a little bit over the articulation. So you get something like, “fri-end” /fɹeɛnd/. So what happens, is where most places would be “friend” /fɹɛnd/, that middle vowel stays roughly the same as you say it. But in the South it’ll change over time. Even though the speaking rate isn’t any different, you get the perception of more or longer because it’s changing over time. So when people get that, they’re like, “oh they talk slower.” And you get the rationale, because it’s hot. Because it’s humid. No one wants to move fast. But at the same time, when something is done slower you think, “why are they doing it slower?” They’re just not as fast or they have ability but they’re choosing not to. Typically, usually, stems from that. There’ve been some studies that look at speaking rate at various places and everyone speaks roughly, on the average, roughly the same speed. There are obviously fast speakers in the South and there are slow speakers in the South, same as there are fast speakers in the Midwest and there are slow speakers in the Midwest. Because of that perception, particularly the vowels, that usually - and then also the same thing, the canonical, the caricature, the monophthonization of “I”. That also gives you the percept of being longer, even though it’s the same amount of time, it gives you the percept of being longer for the opposite reason: you’re expecting it to change and it doesn’t. So you’re like, “oh, that person just isn’t raising their tongue because they are choosing not to because they’re lazy or it’s hot or humid or something.” I think that’s probably where it stems from.

CARRIE: Thank you. I agree. It’s just good to have a phonetician actually explain it, rather than me.

PAUL: You can always say, “you know, everyone speaks roughly the same rate. There are faster and slower people. But on the average, everyone’s roughly the same.” Cuz we’re still understandable, no one’s lazy. It’s not like it takes that much effort to move your tongue. We just have a different system.

CARRIE: Yeah. Thank you. Alright do we have any other questions, Megan?

MEGAN: I don’t think so. Do you have any last words or anything that you would really wish our listeners - which, I mean, we have listeners on the Ivory Coast, so.

PAUL: Yeah!

MEGAN: Anything you would want them to know about the region or about the dialect?

PAUL: Sure. It’s a region that is - it’s very complex. It’s one of those that are - there are some of the greatest people. There are some traditions that are still maintained. There’s a lot of complexity. It’s a region that’s very beautiful. I am completely biased in that assessment, but I’m ok with that. It’s beautiful, the people are some of the finest people you could meet. The language is - it’s creative, it’s playful. It’s a way that people have connections to their roots. Because of the idioms, some of the stories. The Jack Tales. The creativity of the language evokes an earlier time. Even though it’s a completely modern instantiation of the language, it does have some evocative features of an earlier time. But it is - it’s awesome. It’s glorious. Please come. See it. Meet people, shake their hands, hear their stories. Make your own opinion. Don’t listen to everyone in the media. Make your own opinion.

CARRIE: Can I ask you what a Jack story is?

PAUL: Oh so a Jack Tale. Like Jack and the Beanstalk.

CARRIE: Oh.

PAUL: Where it’s about Jack and normally Jack is little scamp. He gets into mischief and finds his way - usually through his own intuition, finds his way out. That’s the most famous version of Jack and the Beanstalk. But there are all of these Jack Tales that everyone hears growing up. Every holler and pocket and region has their own variations on the Jack Tales. That’s one of the other stereotypes, is that Appalachians are storytellers. Which, that one is pretty true. I know lots of people and they can tell some really good stories. I guess we’ll accept that one. It’s tales about Jack. He usually gets in some kind of trouble and figures his way out. There’s mixes of magic and fantasy and stuff. But some of them are also very down to earth. He’s supposed to go do something and decides not to and how is he gonna make it up to his parents. Some things like that. Some thing that can be magic beans that grow up to this giant thing in the sky to he went to the swimming hole rather than doing his chores, something like that.

CARRIE: That’s cool. Ok, thank you so much!

PAUL: Thank you all very much. This was great.

MEGAN: Thank you so so much.

CARRIE: Yeah, this was really great.

MEGAN: It was. I learned everything. Cuz again I had lived in Arizona my entire life. So I have not been to Appalachia.

PAUL: Well you are more than welcome to-

MEGAN: I look forward to it.

PAUL: We can send you an Appalachian card, so that way you’re accepted as one of our own.

MEGAN: Yes! Well I say Appalachia /æpəlɑʧə/.

PAUL: Yes. You are in. You’re in.

MEGAN: Yes.

CARRIE: I have been to Nashville, at least.

PAUL: There you go. Nice. Nice.

CARRIE: It was really nice!

PAUL: Go get some hot chicken.

CARRIE: I didn’t eat any hot chicken. I did buy some hot chicken spice though, so I can make it on my non-chicken food.

PAUL: Oh there you go. There you go.

MEGAN: We always end our show with our tagline, which is: Don’t be an asshole! Because that is the message - if you haven’t heard it.

CARRIE: Yeah. Do not be an asshole!

PAUL: Right!

MEGAN: Thank you so much.

PAUL: Thanks guys.

CARRIE: Thanks again.

PAUL: You’re welcome, thank you.

MEGAN: Bye

CARRIE: K, bye!

MUSIC: O' be joyful Is that what you're brewing Does your daddy know that's what you're doing His little girl's got a reputation out for ruin She was givin' them the country away

Machete in the tree stub, hound dog on the chain Wooden-legged woman playin' a banjo in the rain. Can't recall the tune but the song's always the same "Jesus give me strength"

But babe, it's alright I'm gonna wrap you up tonight, Carry you out right on time

CARRIE: The Vocal Fries Podcast is produced by Chris Ayers for Halftone Audio. Theme music by Nick Granum. You can find us on Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @vocalfriespod. You can email us at vocalfriespod@gmail.com.

[sleepy-watcher]

little Stede's primary vocal stim is just repeating Ed's name, which Ed thinks is very cute but he was a little confused by it at first, and he sometimes has trouble knowing when Stede wants his attention and when he's just saying his name because he feels like it.

Ed thinks it's especially cute when Stede repeats his name as a happy stim :]

[guardmesherlock-rowan]

💜Masterpost💜

I’ll try my best to keep this updated.

Archive of Our own account here. | KOFI

(does not contain all below)

Dear MC Project

Passing Notes with Him Blog event

CG Masterlist

Music OST

Review Masterlist

Character Cards:

Sherlock Holmes | John Watson | James Moriarty | Mycroft Holmes | Jack Stillman | Sebastian Moran | Jeremy Cassel | Hercule Poirot | Arthur Hastings | George Lestrade | Mikah Hudson | Henry Jekyll | Edward Hyde | ‘Irene’ | Jane Marple

Please see under the cut for Headcanons and Fanfictions (of various lengths)

Headcanons

Ages

Birthdays

Breaking the 4th Wall  

Childhoods

Dogs / Cats

Fathers

Favorite Disney Movies

Flirtatious Male Fan/Stalker

George

Gift Giving

Guys caught kissing another woman

Hogwarts

In Bed NSFW

Kidnapped MC MIA for 2 days

Killing in Self Defense

Live Action Cast (incomplete)

MC Dying

MC Showing interest in another guy

MC wakes up as a child

Mimicry

Mini Valentines

Mini Sick / Continued 

Moriarty’s Crew react to each others abductions

Pets

Pregnancy

Robotic’s School MC -mini  

Russell Connor

Sleeping

Superpowers

Swimsuit reactions  

Teachers

Theme Songs

Tutoring MC

Voices

Weddings (w/ Jack’s)

Zombie Apocalypse

Fanfiction

George/MC - “I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

Henry - birthday 2021

Jack/MC - “Be together” 221B Academy

Jack/MC - “Falling in love again” & “Deserve better”

Jack/MC - Fluff 14, Angst 7

Jack/MC - Getting Caught in the Act

Jack/MC - Holiday fluffy oneshot

Jack/MC - Kiss 25

Jack/MC - “Have you lost your damn mind?!”

Jack/MC -  “Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while…”

Jack/MC - Meet Again

Jack/MC - teaching something new

Jack/MC This One’s Mine Pt. 1

Jack - London Fog: Escape

Jack/MC - Sweet Affections ‘Love bite’

Jack/MC - “You can’t die, please don’t die”

James/MC - Cinnabon Latte: Stormy Day

James/MC - Hope we don’t get caught kiss

James/MC - “I trusted you”

James/MC - “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

James/MC - Kiss 3 & 8

James/MC - Kiss 10 & 25

James/MC - MC disappears on him

James/MC - Redo Jack’s almost kidnapped but James’s GF

James/MC - Sweet Affectionate Moments 7

James/MC - Turtle Mocha: Long distance relationship

James/MC - Yandere/Stalker/Possessive

James/MC - “You saved me”

Jeremy/MC -“I can’t believe you talked me into this.”  

Jeremy/MC - Insomnia

Jeremy/MC - Zebra Mocha: Unusual Gift 

John/MC - Can’t Sleep

John/MC - Hurt in the Woods

Mikah/MC - Mikah’s Help

Mycroft/MC - Arguments

Mycroft/MC - Chubby Mycroft

Mycroft/MC - Different Languages

Mycroft/MC - “I’m pregnant.”

Mycroft/MC - Kiss 18 & 8

Mycroft/MC - Kiss 21

Mycroft/MC - Sweet Affectionate Moments 5 & 21

Mycroft/MC - Sweet Affectionate Moments 16

Mycroft/MC - “You lied to Me!”

Mycroft &/ MC - Breaking Hearts

Mycroft/MC - Yandere 1

Sebastian/MC - Cinnabon Latter: Stormy Day

Sebastian/MC - Kiss 11

Sebastian/MC - Kiss 25

Sebastian/MC - “Jealous?” & “Don’t do that again!”

Sebastian/MC - To Bed

Sherlock/MC - Blueberry Cobbler Cocoa: Karaoke

Sherlock/MC - Honeyspice Latte: Meeting the Parents

Sherlock/MC - “I’ve seen the way you look at me”  

Sherlock/MC - Kiss 6 & 10

Sherlock/MC - London Fog: Escape

Sherlock/MC - request of sass and fluff

Sherlock & Mycroft - Family Christmas

MC Saves the Day  

NSFW

George/MC Together for the first time 

Sebastian/MC Frustrated Sebastian

Prompt Lists

Kisses (25 options)

Swinging at the Cafe themes (11 options)

Dialogue list 1 (50 options)

Dialogue list 2 (100 options)

Sweet Affectionate Moments (32 options)

Model Conversation

01 - poptarts

02 - trust your readers

03 - nap

04 - cats

05 - A threat

06 - flooding

07 - John is not impressed with my choice in cuddle buddies

08 - super supportive James

09 - James “write”

10 - George

11 - Mycroft Advice

12 - Disappointed John

13 - Cabin Prep, part 2

14 - Go. To. Bed.

15 - celebrating

16 - James, Birthday

17 - April Birthdays

Shameless - Mycroft Support

19 - Samhain

Aggie Christie

Introduction

221B Academy - broken leg

Foiled Kidnapping

2020 Valentine - Agatha & Jack

2020 Valentine - Agatha & Jeremy

[tasteofdeathao3]

ficlet in reference to this old post of mine regarding Izzy being an absoutely feral iPad kid

It’s late when Ed is disturbed by a heavy thump from down the hall. 

It had been an early morning and a late night - they’d promised to take Izzy to the farmers markets (which he’d barely enjoyed after slipping about 15 minutes after they arrived) and then had a long work event for Stede’s work (Izzy was old enough to decide he wanted to stay home alone without a babysitter, on the condition he called them the second he felt any smaller). 

Suffice to say, Ed is fucking tired. 

He rolls over onto his pillow, eyes finally slipping shut, and then the door goes. 

He can hear Stede puttering about with the broken dishwasher downstairs, so he knows it isn’t him, but Izzy was sent to bed an hour ago so the chance of him having had a nightmare was a lot higher. 

With a barely concealed groan he rolls over, swiping at his eyes. “You okay, baby?” 

When he finally gets a good look at him, Ed’s stomach drops. Izzy is pale, skin awash with a gaunt white colour and his eyes stretched wide open. His hair is mussed and sticking up in all directions. His knees and hands are trembling and his chest is rising and falling at such an impressive rate that Ed is surprised he hasn’t passed out yet. 

“Izzy,” He murmurs, tossing off the duvet and stepping out into the cool bedroom air. “What’s wrong?” 

Ed knows Izzy gets nightmares. Things haven't always been… great. Ed gets them often enough, but that stress and fear is always lessened by tucking himself into Stede’s side. Izzy's are less frequent, but he knows they’re far worse than any of Ed’s. 

It’s only been a few months since Izzy moved in full time, but even Ed knows he should've had a nightmare by now, so why wasn't he coming around? 

Izzy doesn't move when addressed. His hands are bound tight in the thin fabric of his onesie, but that doesn't stop them from trembling like mad. He swallows thickly, eyes darting around the room at incredible speed. 

“Hey, baby,” Ed coos as he takes cool and calm steps towards Izzy. “Wanna tell me what happened?”

Izzy shakes his head. His lip is being bit so hard that Ed worries it might just begin to bleed. 

“Can I touch you?” When Izzy nods, Ed sets his hands on his shoulders and slides them down until Izzy’s hands are stopped from trembled in his grasp. “Did you have a nightmare?” He asks softly. 

Izzy shakes his head again. 

Ed frowns. That’s unusual. Izzy doesn’t freak out over nothing. 

“What’s got you so scared, little swallow?” 

Izzy, when grown, is very hard to get any sort of reaction out of. He has an impeccable poker face, and knows all of his own tells well enough to keep them hidden. Tiny Izzy? Not so much. 

The way Izzy’s eyes flit to the ground is practically an admission of guilt in itself. Ed sighs. 

“Did you do something?”

Izzy hesitates, then shakes his head. He seems to consider it again before he nods rapidly instead. 

“You did?” Izzy nods faster. “What did you do?” 

Izzy’s watery eyes look up to meet his own and Ed frowns. 

“Did you break something?” 

Izzy shakes his head - inwardly, Ed is relieved. He doesn’t feel like sweeping up the remains of another light fitting when he’s this tired. 

“Did you hurt yourself?”  Thankfully, Izzy shakes his head again. 

Ed sighs. “Can you tell me what you’ve done?” 

Izzy shakes his head like Ed’s suggested something appalling. “Angry.” He whispers, barely opening his lips. 

Ed holds back a deep groan. “I won’t be angry, I promise.” Izzy’s eyes are shiny with tears and an innate sense of distrust. “I just need to know what happened, okay? Because it’s my job to take care of you.”

“Don’t hit.” Izzy’s eyes are large and shiny, his lip wobbling and his nose already running.

“Oh, oh, baby, I will never hit you. You know that. My job is to look after you, and if I hurt you then I’m not taking care of you, am I?”

Izzy hiccups as a new wave of tears tumble down his cheeks, and Ed coos softly, pulling Izzy into his arms. 

Ed knows Izzy well, probably better than anyone else they’ve ever met. If someone were to ask him the rule Izzy breaks most often (and seems to enjoy doing it), it would be Tablet Time. Ed rolls his eyes. He knows for a fact that neither he or Stede had checked that the iPad in its hot pink shatterproof case had been put back in it’s charging dock, and neither had set a lock on it to prevent Izzy using it for the several hours they were out. 

“Does this have something to do with your iPad?” Izzy stays carefully still in his arms, neither nodding nor shaking his head. That’s enough of an answer of Ed. 

“Did you watch something scary?” Izzy nods meekly into his shirt. “Why would you watch something scary right before bed, birdy?”

Izzy shakes his head. “D-didn’t know.” He hiccups, gulping down big breaths of air. 

“Ohh, you thought it was something safe, didn’t you?” Izzy wails into Ed’s chest, nodding. A part of Ed does feel quite bad for Izzy, even if he did bring this on himself. 

“Do you wanna show Baba the video?”

Izzy whines. 

“Just so I can see what happened, okay? Maybe I can make it better.” 

Izzy shakes his head again, fists tightening in Ed’s shirt. He really is quite upset, so Ed does what he must and hikes Izzy up into the air and pads back down the hallway. Izzy fights him the entire time, wriggling around above the ground, but Ed keeps him still with promises of no punishment to come and a steady pat on his lower back. 

“Where’s your iPad, Iz?” Ed asks. ‘

Izzy shakes his head and Ed sighs again. “I’m not going to take it from you, you’re not getting grounded, I just want to see what you saw.” 

Izzy groans but he does finally point - under the bed. 

“What were you doing under the bed?” Ed sighs, setting Izzy gently on the floor and diving between the very thin gap between Izzy’s bed and the floor. He hadn’t minded when Stede chose a low to the ground option for Izzy - for him it was either as high off the ground and possible or as close to it when it came to being small - but Ed is already sick of this bed. How did Izzy even get underneath this? He has half a mind to make Stede buy one that’s flush to the floor.

He manages  to grab the thing by the case’s handle, kicked all the way into the far corner under the bed. 

“How didn’t you get stuck under there?” Ed gasps upon pulling himself out, but instead of the little giggle he’d been aiming for, Izzy frowns and rubs at his head. 

Ed’s face falls. “Did you hit your head?” Izzy nods as his eyes flood all over again, bottom lip wobbling like mad. “Oh, my poor little swallow, come here.” He pulls Izzy back into his lap and smoothes over his hair, pressing a litter of soft kisses over the crown of his head. “Do you need an ice pack?” 

Izzy shakes his head no, but Ed gives him a few more kisses anyway.

Once he gets the tablet and finally gets it open (they would have to change the passcode yet again) he tucks Izzy’s head under his chin and pets his hair, still damp from his bedtime shower. 

The video looks pretty inconspicuous, just a collection of ‘best moments’ from some colourful cartoon that Ed can’t remember the name of for the life of him, but as he scrolls along he finds what he’s been looking for. It’s scary, he’ll admit it, enough to make him jump were he not trying to console Izzy already. Some very realistic looking zombie ghost thing that talks in a very low and spooky voice about a curse and something about visiting under the bed every night at 3 am… He rolls his eyes at the special effects, but holds Izzy even tighter when he stiffens at the sound of the voice. 

“That’s a scary video, isn’t it?” Ed whispers into Izzy’s ear, setting the ipad down and rocking him side to side. He’ll block the channel in the morning, but for now he needs to focus on Izzy. 

Izzy whimpers into his collarbone and wriggles even further onto Ed’s lap. 

“Lucky for you,” Ed grins, “I know how to fix it.” 

He scoops Izzy back up again - no easy feat without his knee brace - and ferries him downstairs, striding into the kitchen and hurrying to set him down before his arms give out. 

“Can you watch him for a second?” He asks Stede, who’s still half buried inside the leaking dishwasher. “I need to take a call.” 

Stede pokes his head out of the dishwasher, glancing at Izzy up on the counter before eyeing Ed curiously. “What’s he doing up?” 

“Saw another jumpscare.” He says, watching fondly as Stede rolls his eyes.

“Taking a call!” He exclaims, reaching for the landline on the wall - never used aside from the occasional telemarketer - and pressing a random selection of buttons. 

“Hello, Mister Buttons?” He says loudly, watching out of the corner of his eye as Izzy perks up at the name. 

“Yes, yes, I’m just calling about a curse!” He nods, leaving gaps between his sentences  as if someone is speaking between them. “It’s Izzy, Izzy’s been cursed!” 

“Uh huh. Yes. Oh, yes. No. I can definitely do that. And it only takes one try?” He glances back over to Izzy, listening intently. “Well thank you, Mister Buttons, for helping me with breaking the curse, thank you!” He hangs the phone back on its rest and turns around to face Izzy. 

“Good news!” He exclaims, reaching across to play with Izzy’s soft, unstyled hair. “I know how to break the curse!” 

Stede gives Ed another confused look. “What curse?” 

Ed brushes him off with a look that means later, and hugs Izzy close to his chest. “The way to break the curse,” He whispers conspiratorially  into Izzy’s ear, “Is to cuddle up close with your special teddy and come to bed with me and Mama.” 

Izzy gives him a funny look. 

“I promise. I wouldn’t lie to you about something as important as this.” Ed squeezes Izzy tight against his chest. “Being with people that love you very much will keep you safe, yeah? And Buttons said being with people that love you will make everything okay, alright?” 

Somewhat reluctantly, Izzy lets Ed step back and Ed takes the opportunity to nudge Stede. “You heard the man,” He says, “Time for bed. It’s our duty.” 

Stede grumbles - he had wanted to fix the dishwasher, even if everyone in the house knew he was incapable, but he stands anyway and makes his way over to Izzy. 

“Poor precious darling,” He coos, petting Izzy’s hair. “Come, my love, time for bed.” 

Ed lets Stede carry Izzy; he’s perfectly capable of doing it himself, but Stede somehow maintains an impressive amount of strength that allows him to hold Izzy in his arms for upwards of twenty minutes without a single strained muscle. Instead, he ducks into Izzy’s room and digs around the messy bedding for his teddy, a worn but thoroughly loved stuffed whale. 

When he returns to his and Stede’s room, Stede is already laying Izzy out in the middle of their bed. “You must’ve gotten such a fright, little sweetheart,” He coos, kissing Izzy’s forehead. “Are you wet?” 

Izzy shakes his head and Stede leaves it at that, quickly tugging off his very damp formal clothes and replacing it with one of his expensive pyjama sets. 

Ed climbs in and wriggles until he’s right up against Izzy, wrapping his arms tight around his shoulders. “Look who I brought!” He whispers, tucking the whale into Izzy’s arms. Izzy gasps softly and holds the little whale close, pressing his face into it’s plush belly. 

“Thank you.” He mumbles, muffled by the soft toy. 

“It’s okay, bub.” he says softly. “Time for sleep now, okay, little man?” 

Izzy nods, eyes fluttering closed as Stede slips into bed behind him and cuddles him up close. 

Ed sighs into Izzy’s hair, utterly exhausted. It’s sure to be a late morning for all of them, but that’s fine. All will be right in the morning.

[kitty-cuddle-time]

I think it secretly warms Stede’s heart when regressed!Ed throws a tantrum. Of course he’s not happy, he’s never happy when his baby is so upset, but the fact that kiddo Ed feels safe enough to “”act out”” around Stede practically makes him tear up. The importance of that isn’t lost on him.

[downupthebayleaf]

Chapter 9 of All in Time out!

[strawberrysteeth]

I NEED MORE AGE REGRESSION OFMD CONTENT IT'S SO GOOD GIBME LIL IZZY