#complete with existential dread

[senblades]

Distortions, and ways to see the world

[thegalaxyinapaperbag2]

I'm a loner of a lover, I'm a lover of my ways. So if you're here to take me back, there ain't nothing left to save.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I already proposed Rule #34 and Talk by Hozier as Colorkiller songs time to take it a step further with Stalker’s Tango

[venomouslilith]

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[icewindandboringhorror]

Recent life photos

[bichitosdecolores]

i was making a silly post about the book i’m reading and it got out of control. long text down there

i’m a genetics at heart and i really like to do that annoying science thing where i try to find a logical explanation to everything. yet i was reading my book (about genes) and the author got to a part where he discusses the genetic link of gender identity and identity in general and for some reason i dont like it? i mean, i agree. everything is genetically determined (or influenced). and it makes lot of sense right? the cascade of molecular signals orchestrated by genes is so large and complex we barely begin to understand it. so it makes sense to think that a change in some part of that chain may cause my genetically female genes to fail to signal binary biological femaleness causing me to not have the identity or physiology of a female. but the thought of it makes me feel weird?.

i have always been really curious about the biochemistry and genetics of transgender people but i have never actually made any research on it partially because i feel scared that by finding any “true” biological reason behind my identity it will be less valid or something.

genetics are so weird because they are us and they are everything. they are inescapable and all controlling (almost? kinda), yet they are so abstract and we are so limited by our ability to visualize and understand them that we end up having to talk about them in political, moral amd cultural terms. like gender and identity and illness or disability or violence. but those things are so marked by our interaction with our environment and our need to categorize things that we end up taking a lot of unrelated meaning with them when we try to understand something so uninterested in us like genes and anatomy. it’s weird. but it’s not like we can do much to help it can we. am i making any sense now? i love genetics but god they are a difficult area to understand in not science terms. and the history of genetics is so so messy and complicated and cruel at times. and we haven’t even started to play with genes yet. i’m happy gene therapy and transgenics and crisp technology are so regulated. i don’t know how much longer we can week ignoring them for though.

[cherryberrygirrl]

DECLAN MCKENNA IS SO AMAZING WHY DID I EVER STOP LISTENING TO HIM

[coffeeworldsasaki]

Gotta be honest the more I play dragon age the less I remember why I liked bg3

[thesecondface]

off for an R training course today in statistics and sampling. base level expectations of assumed knowledge is that "you know some R" as "the course will not be of benefit to complete beginners". took me four hours to download R yesterday... safe to say I will be disappointing and dismaying the good people of notts with my unlearned incompetence. guess we'll see if I learn me a thing or two despite my newness to this language.

[kaizokuseb]

it's weird what some people find scary. like i absolutely love horror stories, but i only find them truly scary when they're unexplained. it seems so obvious to me that nothing is scarier than the shadow you can't quite make out in the dark. once you turn on the light, it's just a jacket draped over a chair.

the fear comes from asking the darkness, "who's there?" and feeling deep in your bones that something has heard you, something is watching, but it's not answering. you know it's there, you can sense it, it's a flash on the edge of your vision or a sound you can't quite place or a breath on the back of your neck. something is here. it hears you. it sees you. and you're stumbling in the dark, never knowing if you're running toward it or away.

i swear this feels like saying "the sky is blue" but i'm becoming slowly convinced that there are people in the world who find monster movies actually scary

[definitely-not-an-alb]

Continuing my Inkheart reread in lieu of sleep (shaking my first at insomnia), I can't deny a massive motivation here is to think about smashing Staubfinger and Mollymauk together like little adventure figurines. However! I also think it would be very funny if Jester and Maggie were to meet.

[leofrith]

purchasing a little treat to chase away the suicidal ideation 💖

[illbeoutofthewoods]

GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEFOLK

WHO WANTS TO CRY WITH ME TONIGHT

[asiananeurysm]

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[senadimell]

3.2 When looking for friends, seek out friends that are both older and younger than you. Bonus points if your older friends are a few decades older than you. Between the two sets of friends, you can get much-needed perspective. It is also good to have different kinds of friends; it is good to have people you would call for a casual fun night, and they may not be the same people you pour your heart out to, and that's okay! Find the right people, and realize that no one person can fill all roles.

6.2 I would consider fulfillment from different angles. I think that the fulfillment I can find alone is different than the kind that comes from giving back in some form or fashion, and it can be easy to lean too hard into the one form that comes more naturally.

7. Find a thing you can do with your hands or body. Gardening, whittling, knitting, something. Time does feel better if you have something to show for it.

Existential despair is so common in a person's twenties, I think, because up until that point, we've had a pretty clear road map for what's expected of us and we haven't had much reason to question that map. There are still a few milestones outlined for us (start a career, get married, make babies) but more and more young people are entering the post-school world and realizing:

A) that career thing just isn't happening like they said it would

B) I'm not ready to get married/I don't want to get married/marriage isn't the sort of life-altering event that it used to be

C) I'm not ready to make babies/I don't want a baby/I can't afford to raise children right now (see point A)

And in the absence of these milestones to shoot for (which one could argue weren't the promise of fulfillment they claimed to be in the first place), what we're left with is this aimless abyss of "the rest of our lives" sprawling out ahead of us with no indication of how it will go or what we should be doing to shape it. Young people start their first jobs, find they hate them, and think to themselves, "Is this it? Am I just supposed to do this job until I'm too old to do it or die first?"

Which is, yeah, really fucking depressing!! So here's my best attempt at an alternate roadmap for young people that don't vibe with the old model. Please feel free to add in your own suggestions!

Learn how you work and what you want out of a job. Unless you've been in a job-specific training program that gives you hands-on experience, your first jobs should be experiments. Learn how a full-time job feels for you, what elements are more or less difficult. Different workplaces have different cultures and expectations - what do you need out of a job environment? Do you need to find fulfillment in your job or is it enough for it to pay the bills and leave you time to find outside fulfillment? Do you want to climb a corporate ladder or are you content to hunker down as long as your bills get paid? This period of experimentation is exhausting and may feel like it's consuming your whole life.

Learn how to make time for things outside of work. Adapting to a full-time work environment often leaves you feeling so drained that you can't do anything but go home and collapse on the couch every day. That's fine - for a little while. But it can also become a habit. You need to learn how to do things after work or you'll go crazy. Go to a trivia night. Start an exercise schedule. Take a class in your community. Find volunteer work. Join a band. You will find that putting more things into your day makes you feel like you have more time, not less.

Find a community. Making friends as an adult can feel impossible. Where do you find these mysterious friends everyone seems to have?? This goes along with #2, though. As you start regularly attending the same activities, you will find that repeat interactions with the same people turn into friendships or at least friendly acquaintances. Say yes to invitations. Get involved in your local community. Strive to be connected enough to bump into people at the grocery store.

Unlearn bad lessons. We all internalize some messed up things when we're growing up. As you start off your adult life, that's the time to actively work at unpacking the things you've brought with you from childhood and deciding which things are helping you and which things are harming you. This might mean therapy or joining a spiritual group or reading new things or just making special time to be in your own head.

Learn the lessons you missed. In this, I mostly mean practical things. "Adulting." Areas of your day-to-day practical life that are causing you extreme stress are probably related to a knowledge or experience gap. Do you hate cooking and cleaning or were you not taught how to do it properly? Are you afraid of making medical appointments or is it just something new you're not used to? Does money make you queasy or do you need to learn how to make a budget?

Find something fulfilling. This can be your job. It can be volunteer work. It can be faith. It can be a hobby. It can be creating things. It can be challenging yourself physically. It can be activism. It can be going for walks in nature. Everyone finds fulfillment in different places. If you're not finding it where you are, look somewhere else.

[greyedian]

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