#consider this to be ambiguous ending btw

[altaiiriss]

(tw suicidal thoughts)

thinking about dazai and chuuya slowly doing better together.

they're gradually healing, thanks to therapy. they're happier, thanks to their little domestic life. they are each other's comfort person, the family they never had, the crying shoulder they always had to be to protect others, never allowing themselves to break. they learn how to live together, to open up, to trust the other with vulnerability.

everything's going rather smoothly, you know?

until dazai suddenly relapses.

there's no particular reason. your brain just does it, sometimes.

one day you open your eyes and suddenly nothing makes sense anymore.

he does his best to hide it, because chuuya is actually smiling now—he rarely saw him wearing a genuine smile on his face back in the mafia—and he wants to protect the sweet sound of his laughter.

dazai osamu wants to protect nakahara chuuya from the neverending darkness that claws at his soul and melts on his skin until he's one with it.

until you can't tell dazai osamu apart from the parasite that infests his brain and slowly devours the remnants of fond memories.

so he gradually distances himself from chuuya (and everyone else, really).

he stays at the agency after work hours, his body becoming one with the rough edges of the couch while his thoughts echo in the empty room.

he goes to bar lupin, sharing drinks with the ghost of odasaku until he's coming home so late that chuuya has already left for his night shift.

he starts turning down his coworkers' offers to eat lunch at the restaurant together, preferring to sit alone in the darkness of his dorm room and ignore the way his body is begging for food.

until one night he's coming home half drunk—whisky is way more alluring when it tastes like self-destruction—and he finds chuuya standing in the middle of the living room, arms crossed over his chest.

"i'm not leaving for work until you tell me why the fuck you've been avoiding me for weeks." he says, voice rough.

dazai chuckles. thank god there's plenty of alcohol in his system right now. he wouldn't be able to deal with this while completely sober.

except the alcohol makes him say stuff he doesn't mean, and it doesn't protect him from the harshness of chuuya's words. they're scarring dazai's flesh, cutting through that thick black layer that became his second skin and his first home. chuuya's voice reaches the most sensitive parts of dazai where not even the alcohol is allowed to go.

but it's all going according to plan. chuuya is angry—no, he's furious at him, and dazai can tell he's about to be kicked out of his apartment.

until chuuya breaks down.

"i don't know what to do with you," he says, and the desperation in his voice hits dazai all at once. "you're killing me, dazai."

no, no. this—this isn't part of the plan. why is chuuya hurting this much? why is he cradling dazai's cold cheeks with trembling hands? why is he holding on to him instead of letting him go?

"i never meant anything to you, did i?" he mutters, and dazai feels something in his throat snap.

"chuuya," he breathes, and his name tastes like a curse on his tongue, "i want to die. i want to die."

he frames chuuya's freckled face with his bare hands, holding him so tightly that the redhead's bones might shatter at any time.

because that's dazai osamu—when he finally stumbles upon something he likes, he holds on to it tightly with bruising force because violence is the only form of love he's ever known, until he swallows the object of his desire whole, until it becomes black, until he turns to nothing, just like him.

"i can't die knowing that'll hurt you. i need you to want me dead."

which is ironic, isn't it? they've been bragging about hating and killing each other since they were fifteen, and yet now that they can feel the weight of their words on their hands, it feels inexplicably wrong.

they can't dance around the truth anymore.

"i'm already hurting," chuuya whispers, and he makes sure that the resentment in his words is heard loud and clear, "you're hurting me so much."

dazai's breath gets stuck in his throat. "what can i do to make it stop?" he asks, and he hasn't heard that hopeless tone coming from himself since he held odasaku's dying body close to his chest. "i really want to go, chuuya."

"stay," chuuya pleads, hands shaking as he grips dazai's shirt as if that could prevent him from disappearing, "stop hiding—stay with me."

"to stay is to be hurt," he tries to offer a defeated smile, "i think one of us is destined to hurt."

and i wish it weren't me, dazai thinks.

and i wish it didn't always have to be me, chuuya thinks.

"stay," chuuya says again, as if the world alone could make dazai truly stay, "stay. fucking stay."

"i ca—"

"stay."

ah, it's been a long time since chuuya felt the animalistic urge to claim someone as his.

"i'm not letting go until you change your mind. stay." he says.

"you can't change my mind on this, chuuya."

"stay," he pleads, "stay, stay, stay! don't—" his voice breaks, and dazai knows they've hit the point of no return, "don't leave me."

there's something interesting about the way chuuya remarks the word 'me' rather than 'leave', dazai thinks.

"don't you dare leave me." chuuya says through gritted teeth. he cannot pinpoint the exact moment desperation turned into anger.

"i have to go," dazai mutters firmly, removing chuuya's hand from his crumpled shirt, "let me go, chuuya."

"i—"

the words die in his throat, stabbing his insides like a thousand tiny needles.

his eyes fall to the floor, and in the blink of an eye he's surrounded by darkness.

"you make me want to die." the redhead mumbles, and suddenly his skin is coated in black, and dazai isn't in his grip anymore.

he's been swallowed, hasn't he? at least that implies he's not alone.

how relieving.

[artechoceneexplorer]

Dungeon Meshi Encyclopaedia: The Red Dragon

Another creature added to the dungeon meshi encyclopaedia!! Feared by every soul that enters the dungeon, this crimson titan can take down every creature that crosses its path: the Red Dragon (Ignidraco puniceus).

Full piece view

Close-ups and notes on the design choices:

The scientific name, like the last creature I drew, is pretty simple, as for the genus name is just a combination of fire (Igni-) and dragon (-draco); and the species name is a reference to its color, as "puniceus" refers to a bright red color (I also considered "sanguineus" for its blood red color).

This time for the external appearance of parts of the anatomy like osteoderm plates and general head morphology I stuck really close to the original design (although the body and specially head proportions are WILDLY inconsistent between manga and anime, and between parts of the same manga or anime sequence) so I tried to mix them all into a shape I ended up liking quite a lot. I based the "beak" and upper jaw texture on crocodilians and birds, and used ungulate horns as a reference for the keratin cover and the bony core shown in the skull illustration.

One detail I added that I felt was quite necessary are the black, iron covered osteoderms covering the tongue and inside of the mouth, that are used to create sparks and protect the mouth tissues from the heat. These are not present in the original design, the tongue and mouth are pink and smooth, but it probably wouldn't be able to create sparks by doing the tonguing motion without some sort of hard structure to smash together.

The inverse scale was one thing I initially wasn't sure how I was going to explain, until I started designing the mechanism of the gas fuel production in the stomach, and created this symmetrical gular sacs to hold the fuel before ignition, and thought that maybe the development of those sacs could've pushed the aorta artery to pass through the middle of the neck, right below that scaleless spot. This would definitely be a very vulnerable spot and cause the results we see in the series if that point is stabbed, with blood gushing out at high pressures and causing the dragon to rapidly bleed out.

Close-up of the head, fire breath and neck internal structure

My favourite part of the design process for this one was making the fuel mechanism. I love that the indigestible materials, similarly to birds like owls, are accumulated in the anterior chamber of the stomach and used to create fuel (this part is exclusive to dragons owls unfortunately don't produce fire from their pellets). Because the way they ignite the fuel is ambiguous, and it would be hard for the dragon to straight up ignite a stream of wet hair and bones, I opted for giving it a symbiotic relationship with microbes, hydrogen producing ones to be exact (which do exist btw). These microbes could adapt to the acidic environment of the stomach chambers, not competing with other microbes, which would allow them to produce more hydrogen. Which if you don't know, it's not only light, but extremely flammable. I would imagine at first the gular gas chambers evolved, and then the separate had tubes evolved for a more effective transport of the gas towards the sacs.

Close-up of the proventriculus, interior of the "dragon pellet" and front legs

For the second cutout I chose the "stomach" they mention in the series, which is technically not the whole stomach but a chamber of it, the gizzard, which is also found in birds and non-avian dinosaurs. I would imagine not all indigestible materials can be dissolved by the stomach acid, or digested by microbes to create fuel, but I feel like the dragon can use those as gizzard stones, to grind up the food it probably swallows whole (given that the "dragon pellet" had bones, hair and human tools). The heat and constant grinding would eventually smooth the material into round-ish objects that would eventually be passed through after being too worn down.

Close-up of the gizzard and lungs of the dragon

The skin was another part I had to speculate a little, and sort of used the ol' reliable, iron mineralised tissue, but not quite. I imagine it probably incorporates iron oxides into the keratin (maybe that's why it's red??), but below it, above the osteoderm, there is a layer of not only iron mineralised tissue, but also mixed with other more durable metals (maybe adamant?) to make it more resistant to physical and magical attacks.

Close-up of the tail and a tissue cutout of the skin showing all layers up to the dermis

The best way to fill an empty space where I don't know what to put in these pieces, babies! In this case, a baby dragon inside of a very spherical egg, similar to the ones other giant reptiles laid, such as sauropods. I would also imagine female dragons demineralise some of the iron in their tissues to reinforce the egg, making it less susceptible to braking. Also like most reptiles (including extinct ones like sauropods) it has an egg tooth that falls off after hatching.

Close-up of the back spines and a dragon egg, showing a developing embryo inside

Lastly, I had to include something about their social behaviour, so I included a drawing that is very similar to a sketch made by Ryoko Kui herself, showing the different intraspecific social behaviour of different dragon types, with red dragons being described as "persistent" and that "the weaker one will be forced to leave first". So I imagine they fight similarly to komodo dragons (since they're also shown to be able to stand on two legs for short periods of time). They probably also don't fight a lot, prefering to show off and intimidating the rival without wasting their precious fire, but using their other weapon arsenal to fight the other if they have to.

Close-up of a couple of female dragons fighting

Anyways this was all, I spent a LONG time on this one as you can see so I hope you enjoy it, the living armor is next!! :>

[littlepolyps]

cg!tanjiro kamado & little!reader

ft. little!nezuko

tl;dr: headcanons about tanjiro being your cg! i got this idea when rewatching hashira training arc, when those slayers were calling tanjiro “mom” i got some agere ideas hehe

warnings: demon slayer spoilers! also allusions to reader’s ambiguous trauma (but considering this is kny, their family was probably killed by a demon) . reader is also a demon slayer

☀️ tanjiro found out about your regression during training one day during training.

you’d slipped into your headspace after he managed to land a blow on you. it brought you back to that night… he was worried at first that he hit you too hard. he’d stopped the sparring completely, getting you a cool towel for where you were hit. he noticed you seemed out of it. you told him about your regression. he was curious, naturally, but got it right away when you explained it to him. he immediately offers to help you through this regression episode, and that sort of sets the tone. soon, he becomes your caregiver.

🟩 tanjiro is so incredibly patient with you as your cg. he’s especially good with littles who are shy or nonverbal.

⬛️ if you’re comfortable with it, he is soooo giving you piggyback rides. if you think you’re too big or too heavy for him, you couldn’t be more wrong. “i’ve carried someone probably bigger than lord tengen!” (the pic below is what i’m referencing btw)

🎴 lives to see your smile and hear your laugh. whether he’s tickling you, telling you a funny story or a joke, or scolding inosuke or zenitsu. or something he does intentionally accidentally like topple over or bump into something. (cough cough he may or may not do it especially on your bad days where you hadn’t smiled once).

🗡️ he’s either listening to you yap or he’s the yapper. even if it’s nonsensical baby babbles, coos, or talking about anything and everything you can think of, he’ll be like, “uh-huh, then what happened, sunflower?” “*gasp* no they didn’t!” if he’s the one talking, it’s usually about a mission, something he saw, the people he saved, or the shenanigans of zenitsu and inosuke.

☀️ he loves to call you his “sunflower” as mentioned. you’re also his sunshine, his sunbeam, his little sundrop. and as for you? you call him… wait for it… ✨mr. mommy✨

🟩 lends an article of his clothing (usually his haori) if he’s going on a mission without you.

⬛️ if you slipped during a mission and he’s there with you, he’s pulling you aside to make sure you’re okay and lets you sit with the box nezuko is in. she always comes out to sit with you until the sun rises, then she’d go back into her box (until she conquered the sun. then she’d be able to step in and help take care of you when tanjiro couldn’t).

🌸 and now… a nezuko interlude 🌸

speaking of nezuko, she’s possibly the best playmate ever for you, and tanjiro just loves seeing his sister play with his little. he doesn’t even need to remind her to be gentle with you because he trusts her with you entirely.

when she’s relearning how to talk, nezuko mimics you (which leads her into calling tanjiro mr. mommy and then calling zenitsu and inosuke mr. mommy too).

sometimes she might end up regressing too, and making herself smaller helps that. she’s the perfect size to curl up to you and sleep.

very very sweet little, giving you flowers, headpats, anything to gain your trust.

🌸 this has been… a nezuko interlude 🌸

🎴 tanjiro likes to cook you any of your comfort/safe foods. whatever it may be, and he’s not too good to ask for help from mitsuri (who i hc as the master chef of the demon slayer corps).

🗡️ he sits you on the counter when he’s cooking, humming out of tune (bless his tone deaf heart, but he can’t mimic a tune to save his life).

☀️ good at soothing you after nightmares. he’s hushing you softly, stroking your hair, rubbing your back, laying you on his chest (if you’re comfortable ofc)

🟩 goes to great lengths to ensure you feel safe, happy, comfortable, and loved as his little.

⬛️ he would love to watch fireworks with you. but if you’re sensitive to loud noises, he’d try to find something to plug your ears with. or if you’re not about fireworks at all, he totally understands! you can hang out with zenitsu (who i hc also doesn’t like the sound of fireworks bc of his sharp hearing).

🎴 sometimes he needs a reminder to take care of himself.

🗡️ he may or may not also end up slipping and regressing himself.

[akitossohma]

heyy i love love love your post about lg’s morals you truly read the tea leaves with that one!!! i do disagree with what you said about lg being amoral tho i feel amoral suggests he isn’t aware of morals but he definitely is, and u did point that out in your post! no hate at all btw

hi!! thank you for your kind words :3. i believe you are referring to this post

this got very long and accidentally turned into a whole meta on lu guang and vein lmaoo. answer under the cut:

yeah honestly in retrospect i do feel that my use of the word "amoral" was a bit clumsy lol. this post is nearly a year old so it's hard to recall specifics but i think at the time i failed to consider the full definition of the word, which is not only a disregard for morals but also a lack of moral sense to begin with. and like you said, my own posts contradict that, as lg is shown to be well aware of the moral code. i also was trying to use it as like, a middle ground i guess? between moral and immoral. like my "at best" addition was me trying to be generous, but upon reflection that's sort of a false dichotomy.

for some context, the post you are referencing got posted to twitter (something i didn't know until ppl told me) and was lowkey a hit tweet (a bit scary ngl), and while most people agreed, a small handful Did Not Like it haha

interestingly, a couple of the tweets disagreeing did focus heavily on both the "amoral" thing and me saying lg wasn't a morally grey anti hero. bc i don't want to debate on twitter, i'm gonna take advantage of this ask to explain myself further hehe

DISCLAIMER: what follows is my current perspective and analysis based on available information. i understand everything i have said already and will continue to say going forward could be proven wrong in future seasons.

the main criticism i saw (again this was only like, three people, but still) was that i "disagreed with him being a morally grey anti hero but then proceeded to describe just that". i do understand why this was some people's take away bc the terms "morally grey" and "antihero" have kind of been blurred over the years. since i am by no means the final word on how these terms are to be used, all i can do is provide my understanding of the terms:

morally grey = a character whose actions are morally ambiguous

antihero = a character whose actions/traits are often questionable, but who, at the end of the day, can still be classified as a hero rather than a villain

based on my understanding of the terms (which does seem to coincide with formal definitions), lu guang would not be morally grey as i feel his actions are explicitly immoral (immoral = when the character's actions are definitively wrong and violate a pre-established moral code - i touch on this more in this post) and he would not be an antihero as i feel he cannot be classified as heroic in the grand scheme of things. yes he is complex, yes he is sympathetic, yes he has a capacity for kindness/selflessness and is largely motivated by love, but none of those things make him an antihero. if that were the case, any well written villain would be a antihero haha.

there's a whole other added layer of complexity here because lg is a) not the antagonist and b) not the story villain. for the sake of this argument, the "story villain" is defined as the individual who is the villain only in framing, whereas the "real villain" is defined as the individual who is unequivocally in the wrong by real-world moral standards. the same differentiator can be applied to heroes. so when i say lg cannot be considered heroic, that is what i am referring to. furthermore, vein and liu xiao, who appear to be working together, are currently both the antagonists and the story villains, but that is mostly due to us being anchored in lg's perspective. we don't know much about their motives/goals other than a) they want to maintain the timeline ("make the uncertain, certain") and b) they want csx dead. we of course root against them because csx is the hero & protagonist of our story, and bc they have proven to have very questionable morals themselves. however, based on the information currently available, i’d argue that it's possible to interpret them as very morally grey antiheroes in the grand scheme of things. we already know that they are working against lg because lg has disrupted the timeline and compromised the "certainty" liu xiao mentions. they will (most likely) always be the antagonists, but it would not take much reframing for them to no longer be strictly villains, if that makes any sense. ProWritingAid puts this distinction very succinctly: "A story's villain is always an antagonist, but not every antagonist needs to be a villain." imo the only "hero" this story has is csx, and i have a feeling he will remain that way, though like all things i've said, this could change.

and that leads me to my final point. i am well aware that the show initially frames lg as a hero and hasn’t fully positioned him as a villain yet. however, in my opinion, the ending of bridon arc marked a shift in how he is being framed within the narrative. i want to make it clear my posts have been less about the show's current framing and more about analyzing the ethics of lu guang's actions through an objective, real-world lens. and playing around with some reframing hypotheticals of course. this is something that unfortunately got lost along the way.

anyways, i don't mind it if people disagree or have additional perspectives, but some of the critiques felt like they were missing the point in one way or another. and some of them were straight up rude. sorry for this whole essay, i hope you don't mind!

[rusty-lustful-fireflies]

My addition to nandermo queerbait debate; aka why does it feel like queerbaiting

I feel like a lot of arguing could be cut down here if we agreed on what a definition of queerbait is. Cause you see, by the official definition it's about hinting at character's sexualities being anything but straight. At this light wwdits does not queerbait cause everybody's queer. Hence nandermo can be only shipbaiting.

However I feel like it's not a definition that is commonly used by the public. And I think we should consider what would count as one. I must admit, to me, until recently when I've done my proper research digging, it seemed it goes as something of the following:

1. When media producers set up a dynamic in which they hint at romantic/erotic/really any not platonic development between same sex characters (different but gender queer would count too if mainstream media bothered with such representation) without any wish to ever actually follow through with it, using it as a marketing tool instead, to attract larger, maybe more committed audience, mostly thanks to queer community.

They basically set up plotlines mirroring those in romances and follow them for some time. Very often they also do step 2

2. After said media gains a large following of people invested in queer romance the romantic development of characters mostly dies down, writing opting out for status quo platonic dynamic, systematically interrupted with emotionally loaded ,,canon evidence" ambiguous, grand gesture scenes instead, to keep the audience believing in chances of non-platonic development till the end.

And my point with formulating that unofficial amateur definition is:

Even though we weren't queerbaited this time, at least by official definition, because of the ,,they are canonically queer" difference, as the audience of wwdits we went through the exact same process we did during any queerbaiting in history. Supernatural did that, Sherlock did that and so on. Plus I believe most of supernatural fans really hoped for canon destiel more than castiel confirmed pansexual, so the relationship aspect is what gets attributed to queerbaiting more.

Queer characters aren't exactly uncommon in the cinema, especially comedy, so much as they commonly aren't treated seriously, with development, arcs and yeah romances of their own. (Although we could use some quantity too in my humble opinion)

In the end, it doesn't matter if we were queerbaited or just shipbaited, cause no matter how we call it the effect stays the same. As always we hoped for them to be together. As many times before, we thought so based on purposeful writing decisions made to set up this effect, yet get gashlited that we created it in our silly homo minds which can not perceive friendship.

btw, you can disagree with me 100% on that, by all means have a different opinion, but please if you wish to tell me about it, stay polite while doing so.

[aifsaath]

I am continuously perplexed at how a show as objectively bad and problematic as hotd keeps inspiring outstanding fanfics like yours and @gwenllian-in-the-abbey’s. Truly it’s a mystery to me, especially considering that the books covering the dance are supposed to be quite mediocre as well from what I’ve perceived. Just so you know,with that trailer out now I’m gonna completely blend out the events of the show and consider our fathers clad in red canon

@gwenllian-in-the-abbey AAAAAAAAAAAAAA, I think George's gonna order a hit on us:D

I'm glad you like our slightly destructive approach to teh canon. I'm mostly fueled by spite and my dislike for George's and HBO's complete disregard for the historical context of the stuff they draw their inspiration from (you can't do the Matilda vs Stephen showdown and expect the same sense of injustice, when your main conflict is about Viserys' imbecilic approach to rules, Rhaenyra's weak-ass claim and papa/dragons being her go-to solution to all her problems, Daemon being a chaos gremlin, Corlys' malignant ambition and the Hightowers being the only ones who actually care about the rule of law.)

A lesbian romance doesn't automatically turn a story into a feminist manifesto, nor does a girlboss who's treated by the narrative as the second coming of Christ. Context matters and it's a mistake to view the Dance through the lens of modern ideals about egalitarianism.

GRRM's hubris when it comes to "Aragorn's tax policies" is just another thing that enrages me and Gwenllian, because the man completely misunderstands the medieval legal codes. Just because they were complex that doesn't mean they were fucking contradictory on their own; no one wanted civil wars breaking out each time a monarch died.

Problems happened when two countries with generational beefs worked on two different principles of succession, ie. England (male-preference primogeniture) vs France (male-only primogeniture), or if there was some dynastic fuckery that completely messed up the clear-cut succession lines with usurpations and cousin marriages (Yorks vs Lancasters).

Had Richard II (the son of the Black Prince) died peacefully without issue, the succession would have followed through the line of the Duke of Clarence, with Edmund the Earl of March eventually becoming the king (and he was Richard's heir, btw).

But that's not what happened. The son of John of Gaunt usurped the throne and it was then passed down through his line, because he was the crowned king. Now, you can argue whether or not he had any right to do the usurpation in the first place and whether or not he was the legitimate king and you bet people back then argued about that too. This ambiguity is how you create a proper narrative about actually conflicting claims. The only thing propping up Rhaenyra against her brother is the fact that Viserys is a moron.

How the fuck can I take F&B seriously and without the Dead Sea's worth of salt, when it pretty much blows Jaehaerys' posthumous dick about his wisdom when he "let" the council of 101 decide the succession (while politely ignoring the fact that Jaehaerys' own claim is legit only in the cases of either full salic or semi-salic succession, ie male-only), while never once it calls out Viserys out on his extremely dangerous decision. He gets to die venerated as the peaceful grandpa and all the blame for his incompetence is piled on Aegon II and Alicent.

Let's go through the possible succession systems, shall we?

If we follow male-preference primogeniture, the legitimate line of kings ends with Aerea because she was the eldest child of Aegon the Uncrowned, Maegor's eldest nephew. Only after she and her sister die without issue, Jaehaerys can become the king. Jaehaerys' canon ascension works only because Rhaena gave up her daughters' claims. The next in line would be Aemon and after him Rhaenys. But that's not what happened.

If we follow the salic law (male only), the legitimate line of the kings goes Aegon I -> Aenys I -> Aegon Uncrowned -> Jaehaerys I -> Viserys I -> Aegon II. This is probably what Jaehaerys wanted to ensure, since he challenged Maegor's kingship in the first place.

If a crowned king can choose his heir, then Jaehaerys was never a legitimate king and Aerea was the true queen, because Maegor, who had won his crown in the trial by combat, chose her as his heir.

What about the principle of seniority? Cognatic seniority where men and women have equal claims is out of the question since Aegon I was the crowned king, not Visenya. Male-only seniority would go Aegon I -> Aenys I -> Maegor I (uncontested!) -> Aegon Crowned This Time -> Viserys the Not Tortured to Death -> Jaehaerys I -> Aemon (only if his uncle Viserys has no issue) -> Baelon -> Vaegon -> Viserys I -> Daemon (EW).

Notice the distinct lack of Rhaenyra.

Team Black keeps mentioning the widow's law, but that's a bulk of nonsense. I suppose the misunderstanding originates from a (willful) misinterpretation of this passage. The book says:

Now, I highly doubt Jaehaerys intended for the law to mean that a daughter from the first marriage should come before the sons from the second. The wording is a bit unlucky, but I suppose the intention was to establish the legal position of the second wife and her children as united with the position of her step-children - she has the same duties towards them as if they were own, and the same goes the other way. Which would make sense. Because otherwise, no one would be desperate enough to marry a widower with daughters. Since we know that title and land ownerships have remained in the same families without changing hands once or twice since the implementation of the law, I really doubt the team black's literal interpretation of the passage was the one intended. Ffs, Viserys was pushed to marry again because he had only one daughter, meaning, this law wasn't viewed the way the Team Black wishes for. And I'm not even delving into the fact that this would be a female inheritance hack penned by Jaehaerys, if that was the case. Talk about ooc.

So, yeah, we're taking Gyldayne's interpretation of the past with so much salt our hearts are gonna fail.

[kandadze]

FoF rewatch ep 5: or, Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This (gifs and loose thoughts) ... part 3

Part 1

Part 2

Into another flashback we go:

Now ZYZ seems to consider Ran Yi to be a lesser demon, but the demon slaying spell (and Incense) used on him by the Chongwu camp didn't outright kill him. It did weaken him enough to make him need malicious energy to feed on - thus the killings started - but I still don't understand how he escaped in the first place... one of those things that don't get clearer even on a rewatch, I guess XD

(Have this beautiful beautiful shot instead:)

And another:

Then we get this very satisfying (at least to me) sequence of ZYZ once again going into someone's dream to get them to wake up. I love how different he is here as opposed to WX's nightmare.

Can this poor demon get some peace and quiet...

More pretty shots of WX and ZYC sleuthing together:

And now we're back to roasting the demon for being "bad" lol:

Have some demonic!ZYZ shots :)))

ZYC giving ZYZ the Look(TM):

What can I say, I have a soft spot for morally!ambiguous!ZYZ:

But of course, he did it alllll for Baize Token (no lies detected):

The funny thing is, they pretty much reached an understanding of sorts with Ran Yi, who was ready to turn himself in as long as Miss Qi got to be free - with the help of ZYZ's "conjure" spell:

But then Miss Qi shows up and says nothing matters as long as they're together and he changes his mind:

I love the flower detail on her sash btw, so pretty:

I've read some folks say that her "Whether you're a human or a demon, no matter what you do, we'll live and die together," was already LL talking indirectly to ZYZ, and I think that other than mimicking Miss Qi's phrasing and cadence rather perfectly (which okay, maybe LL could pull that off, considering he possessed ladies often), I don't think the "whether you're a human or a demon" part is something LL would ever say. He's very, you're a demon, don't pretend otherwise, any chance he gets... (also, ZYC's sword starts glowing in alert a little later, so. yeah.)

Anyhow, before everything dissolves into chaos again (here's the gifset I made for the ending sequence), have another shot of the pretty couple:

[writing-for-life]

Sunday Mourning—About Dream Entities and Stars

Why Head-Canons Are Wonderful, But Forcing Them On Creators Isn’t

First of all: I don’t want to take anyone’s head-canons away from them, it’s what fandom is partly built on. I support them, I love them, I have plenty of my own. The Sandman very explicitly tells us about “books never written” in Lucien/ne’s library, and we can be sure ours is in there.

But that’s not quite the same as harassing both creators and other fans in an attempt to make fanon canon, and that’s what partly sparked this post. So if a super-long meta exploration of “Sunday Mourning” (and there is a lot in this post) that also contains a bit of fandom criticism (feel free to skip that if you just want the meta) isn’t your thing—this is your warning 🤣

Also: Massive spoilers ahead…

The theory that Morpheus forever lives in Hob’s dreams (and with Hob) as a dream entity regularly makes the rounds. And it’s a nice theory, and I get why people like it. I also get that “The Wake—Sunday Mourning” is maybe ambiguous enough to consider it a possibility (which then goes into head-canon territory). All good so far.

What’s problematic is when fans begin to leverage their head-canons/theories as “true because Neil gave it a like”, and then proceed to present them as canon.

Neil likes posts, yes, but he said *several times* and *very explicitly* that’s never endorsement of anything, but rather valuing that people put thought into stuff and engage with his stories critically (and he also said that it’s sometimes just a slip of his finger, but that just as an aside, you’ll find one example here).

So if Neil liked a happily-ever-after-dream-entity post, that means he supports your head-canons as head-canons because he always does (or his finger slipped—I guess we’ll never know). Again: In a way, it’s even an integral part of The Sandman. It also means that he likes the fact you engaged deeply with the source material, in either a heartfelt or critical way.

What it *doesn’t* mean: Head-canon is the same as canon despite both being valid in their own way. He said all of this a million times in a million posts.

Let’s explore that particular theory and start with an ask:

His endorsement goes as far as acknowledging that “it’s never only a dream,” and that “dreams are where the stories are.” And we need to stop pretending it’s anything more than that, even if he likes a few posts here and there (posts that go in all different directions, btw). Neil used his own experience with grief and mirrored it 1:1 in how Hob handles Morpheus’ death in The Wake and Sunday Mourning.

Here is a quote from the Sandman Companion:

NG: […] Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories—if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death.

HB: It also makes me think of Hob's dream in part 3.

NG: That was something that actually happened to me. [1]I dreamt about a friend who'd died six months earlier, woke up completely upset that she'd died, [2]and then realized I'd simply had a dream and felt enormously relieved... [3]and then I woke up all the way and remembered that she really had passed on.

[numbers and bold by me]

And then remember what happened to Hob:

1. He found out in a dream Morpheus had died and woke up upset and crying in The Wake, Chapters 1-3 (#70-72).

2. Then he had another dream that somewhat gave him closure and a sense of relief (Sunday Mourning, #73).

(Can I also just point out where Destruction’s fingers are pointing here and then contrast it with what he told Daniel in The Wake about “walking amongst the stars”, or Morpheus actually turning into a star?)

(What might the end of the story be? Who knows, but once again, have a look where Destruction’s fingers are pointing.)

3. Then he woke up all the way and felt peace (also in Sunday Mourning).

Make of that what you will, but to me, saying that scene was based on his own dream is basically Neil confirming that Morpheus has “really passed on.”

Will Hob remember Morpheus? Of course he will. That’s what humans do. Does Morpheus live a happily ever after in Hob’s dream with Hob? And would that be in character? And would he want his memories to be intact to make that happen? Would that truly be passing on?

I will explore why canonically, we don’t find much to support that notion, and why it would seem OOC. But if you believe it, it’s your personal truth. Should we call for the ending to be changed though to make our personal truth that of the author?

Life and death are our own, and it’s never just a dream

Destruction was in Hob’s dream (when Hob never really knew him), and Destruction walked away from it all. As did Morpheus. They’re both free. It was very likely (and I'm phrasing this carefully on purpose) a dream gifted by Daniel!Dream (who had a very long talk with Destruction during the Wake) to give Hob closure, and it seems straightforward enough if you read The Wake not just single-mindedly focused on one thing. Daniel!Dream is not in the original panel, but he is in the background of concept art of that panel for a movie pitch by Jill Thompson and Neil Gaiman, so we can probably assume it was always the intended subtext.

And what does Death say in Façade? Or what does Morpheus say to Orpheus, or to Delirium after he killed Orpheus? That life and death are our own.

Destruction’s life is his own.

Morpheus’ death is his own.

And Hob’s life AND death are his own.

The three of them are the literal embodiment of that sentiment:

One walked away and chose life.

One walked away and chose death.

One chooses life for as long as he sees fit and can choose death if he stops doing so.

It makes sense to put them in a panel together at the end for that very reason (and a few others of course).

That, right there, is already “more than just a dream.” It is the story, not just a metaphor. It is canon, and it is fairly explicit.

Would Morpheus ever want to be a dream entity with all his memories intact?

From this point onward, we get more into interpretation based on canonical character traits:

Morpheus living forever as a dream entity *tied to Hob’s dream* is canonically antithetical and OOC. There, I said it. He wanted to be free from the Dreaming, he even said so to Death (“But even the freedom of the Dreaming can be a cage, of a kind, my sister,” in #69).

But existing as a dream entity WITH ALL HIS MEMORIES INTACT (that alone should make people say, “He would never want this in a million years” because it’s the very source of his pain—he wanted punishment for Orpheus’ fate/death—Nuala called him out on it) would forever tie him to it. Plus, it would make him Daniel’s subject in a way. It would be, again, very OOC.

Also: Dream had very strong feelings about the dead NOT belonging into dreams/the Dreaming permanently, or the living building their lives around them. WHY would that apply to Hector, but not to Morpheus himself? Again, it makes no sense in continuity.

But Destruction was in that dream…

Destruction visited Daniel!Dream during the Wake. They talked about a lot of stuff that’s very relevant, I recommend a reread if you’re not certain (this is long enough as it is, so I’ll skip it at this point). And it makes narrative sense to anchor that in Hob’s dream for reasons already outlined (they might not make sense to Hob, but they make sense to us, the reader, if we are willing to see that “it’s more than just a dream” isn’t equal to two people riding off into the sunset together, as nice a head-canon that might be). What I *do* want to point out though is that Destructions talked about “walking amongst the stars” and again, where he points in Hob’s dream.

Someone said this somewhere else and drew parallels to Stardust: Morpheus *does* become a star (or returns to them, who knows), it’s all over The Wake. That star is in literally *every* panel with a window/sky after his barge has transformed. And what becomes of him as that—who knows, since we all know stars have some sort of sentience in Gaiman’s universe, and that “oblivion is not an option” if Death took your hand to lead you into the afterlife. Again: Head-canon territory…

Head-canons are beautiful

No one is trying to take them away from us. Let’s knock ourselves out in fanfic and fanart, it’s comforting and healing. The Sandman is a story about stories. Our stories are our own, and they are true for us, that’s the whole point. And Neil will *never* tell you your head-canon is not real, because for you, it is, and that’s all that matters. But the constant need to elevate fanon to canon really gets exhausting at times, especially if it involves pestering the creators, constantly being on their blogs/tagging them and trying to get them to confirm what we want.

And to those that insist we will undoubtedly get a happily ever after because “Hob’s dream says so”, and think the writers somehow should “read the room” and provide fan-service (side-note: What is it with this entitlement in fandom? The creator tells *their* story, not yours):

One of the main messages of the story is (already in 24/7) that stories only have a happy ending because we know when to stop, but that they ultimately *all* end in death. No matter how much people say that “the show is so much more hopeful”, that very line has already been brought into the show. They didn’t take it out. It will have weight at some point, I’ll put my money on it.

But show!Murphy isn’t comics!Murphy...

People point out that show!Morpheus is different from comics!Morpheus to justify we will get a different ending. Making Morpheus a bit softer around the edges seems, at least to me, a move to make him likeable as the protagonist, because it would be very hard to like early comics!Morpheus, to be frank. The fact that he brought Gault back from the darkness—I saw that as giving show!only fans a nicely wrapped end of the first season, because we didn’t even know if we would get a second one at that point. It also shows us that he is capable of change—a thing I am near certain he will repeatedly deny as we go on (he already did). So no, I personally don’t think it set him on a different path. There are even scenes in the show that very heavily foreshadow The Kindly Ones (the cracks in the window are overlayed onto his face in such a way that they heavily hint at the scar he is going to receive).

So yes, by all means, let’s have a bit of ambiguity in Sunday Mourning for the people who don’t like the tragic ending, but let’s also focus on more than just making everything about the ship. Their relationship is important, and even more so because it isn’t romantic—that’s why it grows and lasts (unlike Morpheus’ romantic relationships). But it’s only the tiniest fraction of what The Sandman is about.

I write fanfic. I give Morpheus happy endings, too. I get it, I want him to be happy, too. But no matter how much we write him in character, we will ultimately break character the moment we make him do things that lead to a different outcome. In canon, he is the way he is. And I am afraid to say:

I personally think he is also like that in the show, even if they softened him a bit around the edges and shoved certain messages down our throats that people who know the comics didn’t need, but newbs to the Sandman did (“I’m listening now…”)—it was a good move, and all of that made sense for show-narrative reasons. But not once did I have the feeling that he wasn't exactly the same Morpheus underneath it all, and we already had too much foreshadowing to think that we would really get a different ending.

Why chemistry isn’t confirmation of the ship

That’s another one: To turn one (!) show-writer’s comment that Morpheus’ and Hob’s chemistry was a thing, and that they allowed that type of ambiguity, into, “Their romantic relationship is canon.” These two things are not the same. And Neil said that Benton’s comment did not make Dreamling any more real/canon, but people conveniently forget that. He also didn’t deny it, he just didn’t confirm, because, again: He doesn’t confirm or deny head-canons. They’re ours. Let's please stop pestering the man to confirm our head-canons and fantasies, but that just as an aside.

It shows one thing, however:

How conditioned fandom is to make everything about romantic relationships (ideally m/m), even if they have nothing, and I say nothing, to do with the main message.

And it’s okay the wish for these relationships matters to some people, but they don’t have to matter to everyone else, to the extent that we expect the actual story to change. Why try to twist his arm into changing his own story, and the way he wanted to tell it?

So again: Head-canons are beautiful. Trying to get them confirmed by creators and foist them upon everyone else (to the extent that people get harassed) is not.

And if I'm proven wrong on this, I’ll still die happy, but I'm putting my chips down right now and say:

Morpheus will die in exactly the same way as in the comics. And if we get The Wake, we will get a scene in Sunday Mourning that can hold ambiguity for processing our grief, just like the comic can. And the shippers will say, “He’s with Hob, yay!”, and the non-shippers will say, “Nah, not what I saw.” And Neil will get a million asks and answer each single one with:

“What do *you* think?”

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Deep Cover Partial Analysis

Updated Murder Theory, "Lucky" & Kotoko's Relationship, T2 Verdict

Hello there, members of the jury! Deep Cover, huh? There's a decent bit to talk about in this MV, more than I really want to cover in just this post. So to put down my initial thoughts somewhere, I'm writing this! An update on my old theory from HARROW, my thoughts on Kotoko's relationship with the girl with the "Lucky" hat (which I'll just call Lucky for convenience), and my verdict for Trial 2!

CW Violent murder and blood, vigilantism, child kidnapping

Me trying to figure out what's going on in this video

Updated Murder Theory

What IS Kotoko's murder?

In the aftermath of the video, there have been a few different ideas about why exactly Kotoko ended up in Milgram, what her “Milgram murder” actually is. And while there are certainly many very interesting ideas going around, and I always love seeing different interpretations of what these videos show, I feel a lot of them are overcomplicating things.

This is Kotoko's killshot from Undercover. This is the most concrete confirmation we have of why Kotoko is in Milgram. Kotoko's murder involves her kicking someone to death. And given how much focus is put on her killing the white hoodie guy, both in HARROW and in Deep Cover, I feel the simplest explanation is that Kotoko's "Milgram murder" is the murder of the white hoodie guy.

That last point is important btw. The white hoodie guy death is the only one that actually is referenced in both HARROW and Deep Cover. Every MV to date has at least included an allusion to the murder, even if really abstract like Magic and Tear Drop. If Kotoko's "Milgram murder" involves Oshii, then Deep Cover is the only MV not to reference the murder. If her "Milgram murder" involves Lucky, the HARROW is the only MV not to reference the murder. This is inconsistent with all other MVs, which would be strange. You get what I'm saying?

Plus, let’s not forget what Kotoko says in TASK.

[TASK]

Kotoko: I did kill someone

Someone, singular. Unless there’s some ambiguity that’s lost on translation, Kotoko only killed one person, and her Milgram murder is kicking someone to death. She killed the white hoodie guy by kicking him, so he’s sorta the only option as to who her Milgram murder is.

And yes, Kotoko could have lied in her MV, but she has no reason to. She also says this:

[TASK]

Kotoko: After all, Es, you can access my heart, right? Through songs and videos..

Es: That is correct.

Kotoko: Then there's no problem. People who understand will automatically do so

So Kotoko believes the videos will reveal her murder, meaning she’d likely get caught in a lie once the extraction process began. Given she’s trying to team up with Es in TASK, being seen as a liar by them is counter-productive. In other words, Kotoko shouldn’t be lying here. Unless she somehow forgot another murder, she’s only killed the white hoodie guy.

The reason it's considered an "indirect" murder (if you don't know what that means, uh, don't worry about it) is that under Japanese law, it wasn't judged as actual murder, but rather legitimate defense, as revealed in Deep Cover. Now, I fully believe Kotoko did want to kill the guy and it wasn't entirely defense, but that's the ultimate ruling. Thus, I believe an "indirect" murder in Milgram's eyes is "an act which led to someone's death, but wouldn't be judged as murder in a court of law." Which is the definition I was always working with anyways lol.

All this to say, I don't think Lucky ever died, since as far as I can tell there is no solid evidence for it. It’s a nice theory, I like reading about it, I just don’t subscribe to it.

Now, I do want to be clear. There are still inconsistencies with this being the Milgram murder. The alley in Kotoko’s prisoner card is very strange, and while there are alternatives as to what those images could represent, they’re not very strong. Indeed, the card is very weird.

Additionally, her Trial 2 Voice Trailer distorted line doesn’t fit perfectly either. The lines in that trailer are generally understood to be from before the murder, but Kotoko’s seems to be directed at Lucky, which would place it after the warehouse incident. It could be directed at a different character, but it would have to be someone we’ve never seen before.

That said, no current theory about Kotoko’s murder is perfect. At some point you have to accept some inconsistencies somewhere, and I feel like the white hoodie guy murder being the Milgram murder is the least inconsistent of the answers. Occam’s razor; the simplest explanation, the one which makes the least assumptions, is usually the most accurate.

The Article and New Details

In Deep Cover, Kotoko is seen reading an article about her murder.

I'll leave two translations: Translation 1 and Translation 2. I recommend reading both for a full picture of what the text seems to say.

Now, this article gives us a few more details than we had in HARROW. First, white hoodie guy's name is Kaneshiro Tsugumichi (or Michi for short) and his father's name is Kaneshiro Isamu. Second, we also learn that Kotoko actually faced trial for her murder, but as she vaguely implied in TASK, the case was ruled as "justifiable defense", despite later investigations going against that idea. And of course they did, Kotoko tracked this guy down and went in fully intending to kill him. The ruling is at best a technicality and at worst a complete mistake. Still enough to qualify as "indirect" murder in my eyes though.

Kotoko's testimony of justifiable defense was corroborated by Lucky, although Lucky later retracted her statement. We'll get there.

Finally, the article ends by revealing that the case had become a bit of an internet meme. People claimed there were "multiple murderers" (referring to Michi and Kotoko) and that Kotoko was a hero. Or, rather, a "female university student." Given the wording in the article, I believe it's possible Kotoko's identity was never revealed to the public, as there would be no point in hiding her name if that weren't the case. I don't know enough about Japanese law to know if this makes sense or not, but I feel it's at least a possibility.

The article doesn't add much to what we already knew, but it's nice to get some extra details.

The Shots for the Updated Theory

Given how little this murder is actually referenced in the MV, you'd think there isn't much we can learn here, but there are two moments that I feel can help build on my previous (pretty outdated) theory.

What do we learn from these shots? Well, the main thing is that Lucky was actually in the room when the murder happened. Because while it's true the lighting and Lucky's position are slightly inconsistent, the water in the dark floor combined with Kotoko's kneeling position heavily implies these two shots happen one after the other.

More importantly, though, we actually see the restraints she had in the room she was being kept in in the floor.

This would imply she didn't go there on her own, and wasn't moved by Kotoko, who would have naturally removed the restraints before moving her. That means Michi moved her from the small room to the death room. And this fixes one of the biggest issues with HARROW's depiction of the murder: the switching rooms.

(Yes the shot in Deep Cover is flipped. No I don't know why)

As you can see, the walls are slightly different. And of course, they're way more open than the room the girl was being kept in. My original explanation for why this happens was more complicated than necessary, but now we have a bit more context.

First, the difference in the warehouse walls can just be explained by assuming these are two different sections of the warehouse, or even two warehouses which are connected somehow. This is somewhat consistent with the outside appearance of the warehouse:

You see how there's two buildings that share a wall? If that wall has a door, it would be possible to go from one to the other. And if they have different walls for some reason, it's possible the wall change simply happens because they enter one and end up in the other.

And why did they move? Well, because of the discarded restraints in Deep Cover, we can assume that perhaps Michi attempted to escape from Kotoko with Lucky in tow. He could have stunned Kotoko somehow (hammer maybe?), and ran away to the death room. Here's a diagram!

Pretty simple, right?

The Time Skip Confirmation

This is also a continuation of my previous theory. If you're not aware, Kotoko sees Michi kidnapping Lucky while she's wearing her blue and yellow hoodie, but attacks with her red hoodie.

I believed this, among other things, implied there was actually a period of time between when Kotoko spots the kidnapping and when she actually steps in. And the shot of Lucky on the floor corroborates this, as she's already bruised as if she had spent a decent amount of time under Michi's grasp.

As to why Kotoko didn't step in immediately, while I originally believed she was disheartened in some way, I now think it may have more to do with trying to hide her identity as she did when she attacked Oshii. Men's sneakers, red hoodie, etc. Except this time there was a witness, and since she apparently forgot her face covering at home, she couldn’t avoid being recognized and had to go to court. Perhaps that's why she seems so distressed when Lucky hugs her? She didn't want the attention, she didn't want to be recognized, because it would mean having to deal with the law.

Anyways, what does this mean? Well, not much, really. But it’s important because it means Kotoko wasn’t prepared to see a kidnapping that day, which in my eyes throws out some theories I’ve seen around about her possibly setting up Lucky as bait for Michi. If she had done that, surely she would have already been wearing the correct outfit, wouldn’t she?

And speaking of Lucky…

On Kotoko and Lucky's Relationship

This has almost become the main point of discussion around the MV, so I feel compelled to talk about it. Here’s what we know:

-Lucky originally testified to corroborate Kotoko’s testimony in court, but later, apparently while speaking to Isamu, retracted it. We don’t know what, if anything, Kotoko told her after the murder, but we can assume Kotoko lied to her the same way she lied to everyone else; “killing Michi was the only way to stop him, it was legitimate defense.” We also don’t know why she retracted her statement, but I’ll get to it in a moment.

By the way, Isamu claims Lucky may have been threatened, but I just don’t believe him. Lucky doesn’t seem scared of Kotoko until the very end (after the retraction), and Isamu has been involved in cover-ups of his son’s crimes before, as implied in HARROW. It’s in his best interest to defend his family name if he can cast doubt on Lucky’s testimony (more on this later).

-After the retraction of the statement, Kotoko is sitting on a park bench reading an article about it when Lucky comes up to her to show her the matching hat. Kotoko distractedly pats her head, but mostly ignores her in favor of the article. We don’t know if this meeting was arranged, or if Lucky just stumbled into Kotoko randomly and wanted to show off her cool hat. I’m leaning on the latter, personally. We also don’t know if they interacted further, or if Lucky just left immediately after. There’s no way to tell.

-After the park scene (note that Lucky already has the hat on her head, unlike when she first shows it off), Lucky waits outside a book store, mimicking Kotoko’s wall lean from HARROW. Lucky sees Kotoko and walks up to her, but becomes horrified when she sees the look in Kotoko’s eyes. Kotoko is wearing her murder outfit, and looks very angry. She ignores Lucky for the most part, only giving her a spare glance as she walks past. This means the meeting was not arranged, as Kotoko clearly wasn’t in the mood for it.

We don’t know why Lucky was waiting in front of the book store (was she waiting for Kotoko? did she know where Kotoko would be? Or was she waiting for something/someone else and just happened to recognize Kotoko walking by?). We don’t know if they met in more occasions, or if we’re shown the full extent of their interactions after meeting in court (did Lucky start mimicking Kotoko after hanging out a lot? or did she pick up the habit almost instantly, having seen Kotoko do the wall lean after the murder/during court procedure?).

I repeat that we don’t know much because, well, that’s the main problem here. We just don’t know, and we can’t know based just on the events of Deep Cover what their deal is. The only info we definitely have is:

-Lucky likes Kotoko, even after retracting her statement, though she’s scared of her meaner side.

-Kotoko appears dismissive of Lucky, at least from what we saw.

And that’s it! The only way we can further try to infer what their relationship is like is by looking at Kotoko’s character and speculating on what she would act like around this child. Thankfully, Kotoko’s actions are very straightforwardly informed by her overly simplistic worldview.

According to Kotoko, there are essentially three types of people. The Evil People who oppress and hurt those weaker than them:

(T1) Q20: What do you think is evil?

K: Oppressing innocent weaklings.

The Hero who will protect the Weaklings by destroying the Evil People:

[Deep Cover]

Come on, rely on me, go on

I became your fangs

As the long-awaited hero I engraved the answer

Tell me why you tell me, “Stop”

Don’t you dare stop now

I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it

Give me the next target

(I hate mobile formatting I hate mobile formatting I hate-)

And the Weaklings, who need to stay out of the way.

[Trial 2 Voice Trailer]

Kotoko: From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!

Weaklings shouldn’t meddle with the actions of the Hero, because the Hero knows best. If a decision or course of action is too difficult for a Weakling, they have to sit back and let the Hero choose for them.

[YONAH]

Kotoko: Weak... You're too weak. With that fragile body of yours, you can't stop anyone. You can't protect anyone. You can't even do your justice. All imperfect.

[…]

K: You're unable to do it yourself, that's why you need me. The fangs to do your will.

This fits with Kotoko, the Hero, being so dismissive towards Lucky, a Weakling. She probably wouldn’t want someone like Lucky to mimick her, because Lucky is Weak and should just rely on Kotoko for protection. It’s what gives Kotoko’s life meaning, after all.

[Deep Cover]

I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it

Give me the next target

This is what makes me believe that Kotoko and Lucky may have never really hung out outside of what we’re shown in Deep Cover. Because simply put, there’s no reason for Kotoko to be hanging out with her after the court case. Even back then, the only thing Kotoko had to tell her was that her murder was legitimate defense, which again is just what she was telling everyone else. Kotoko most likely had no reason to believe Lucky would retract her statement, and she doesn’t seem interested in hanging out with her for any other reason.

To be clear, I do think Kotoko cares about Lucky to some extent. She did show up in the magic subconscious video, after all. Kotoko is most likely glad to see Lucky happy, at least. I’m just saying that I don’t think their relationship really extended beyond “it’s nice to bump into each other in the street occasionally.” Of course, that’s only my interpretation, it’s perfectly fine if you interpret it in some other way.

Temporary CW Grooming

No, I don’t think Kotoko groomed Lucky. Unless you count lying to her about how legitimate the defense was, which again is more of a lie Kotoko told everyone than anything Lucky specific. I can definitely see the angle, the few scenes we have are pretty damn sketchy if you look at them a certain way, but I don’t think we have to assume the worst. Again, there is no reason for Kotoko to even groom her in the first place. She wouldn’t want Lucky to follow in her footsteps; she has no reason to be worried about the testimony, at least up until the retraction; and there’s not many other reasons she would have to do it. And Kotoko is decently pragmatic, she doesn’t usually bother doing things she doesn’t need.

To be clear, I absolutely believe Kotoko would have groomed Lucky, if it had been convenient for her. She does it to Es in YONAH, the lines I already used.

[YONAH]

Kotoko: Weak... You're too weak. With that fragile body of yours, you can't stop anyone. You can't protect anyone. You can't even do your justice. All imperfect.

[…]

K: You're unable to do it yourself, that's why you need me. The fangs to do your will.

That’s grooming. That’s what’s happening there. I’m not trying to defend this or even Kotoko, she absolutely is a groomer and this is Very Horrible. This deserves discussion, but it’s not what this post is about.

However, in YONAH, Kotoko has a reason to be doing it. She needs Es to hand out the Guilty judgements she wants. That doesn’t make it better, it just makes it in line with her character. She has no reason to manipulate Lucky, and again, she’s always shown to be dismissive of her.

Again, I do see where the concern comes from, and I wouldn’t be 100% surprised if it turned out to be true. I just don’t like to jump to conclusions on this sort of thing on principle, not when we have so little context for what we’re seeing, and especially not when it’s somewhat contradictory to Kotoko’s character and the central themes of her story.

Temporary CW Over

The Withdrawal of the Statement

This is one of the weirdest details of the MV, so I feel I should address it before signing off. Here’s what we know:

-Lucky testified in court that she was saved by “a female university student” according to the article (read: saved by Kotoko), and corroborated Kotoko’s testimony. Which was likely: she was being kidnapped (true), Kotoko caught the kidnapper red-handed (basically true, Lucky was tied up and on the floor with Michi beside her), Kotoko and Michi got into a fight over it (true), and Kotoko had to kill Michi to stop him (debatable, but Lucky likely believed it true).

-After the trial, Kaneshiro Isamu, the CEO of a big newspaper company, launches a private investigation that concludes Kotoko used excessive force.

-After that, it’s mentioned Isamu claims that Lucky retracted her statement.

-Isamu also claims some other stuff, trying to muddy up whether or not his son really was a kidnapper or not, but being The Guy That Covered Up a Bunch of Child Murders, I’m not inclined to believe him.

When I lay it all out like this, it seems like there’s a pretty simple explanation for what happened here. There is only one part of Lucky’s statement that could have needed retracting, the “legitimate defense” part, and that’s exactly what Isamu’s investigation contradicted. Given it’s Isamu, a newspaper company CEO of all things, the one who reveals the withdrawal, it’s assumed Lucky retracted it in his presence or in the presence of someone working for him. Meaning they could have told Lucky there was evidence of excessive force.

With that in mind, I believe it’s possible Lucky was told Kotoko may have used excessive force, and decided just in case to go back on the whole “legitimate defense” thing. Which of course Isamu spins into “she retracted the entire statement” because that’s what’s most convenient for him, who is likely trying to protect the family name from accusations of kidnapping.

I feel this is the most straightforward answer as to what could have happened. It’s consistent with Lucky still wanting to hang out with Kotoko and getting matching hats, it fits with her being scared of Kotoko later as she fully realizes Isamu and his people may have had a point, it fits Isamu’s known behavior, and it fits the context of the article.

It could even vaguely fit Lucky’s design choices. You know how her outfit looks like a prisoner’s outfit? Well, she sure is trapped in a weird situation between the kidnapping, Kotoko lying, Isamu trying to get her to retract the statement… I don’t know if this makes sense or not but I’m saying it anyways!

Is it the only possibility? Hell no. We have way too little context about the withdrawal to say anything definitive, so I’m perfectly open to hearing different reasons for why it could have happened. At the moment, though, I believe this to be one of the more solid possibilities.

This idea could also indicate who Kotoko wants to kill at the end, given she is wearing her murder outfit and all. She could take this as Isamu and his people manipulating a “weakling”, and we know she doesn’t take kindly to that kind of thing. That’s complete speculation, though, so don’t take it very seriously. I still think she only killed one person anyways, because of the whole “killed someone (singular)” thing.

Verdict

With all of it laid out, what am I voting her this Trial?

To what I imagine is no one’s surprise, Guilty.

I know this post has been kinder to her than a lot of other posts going around, but that doesn’t mean I’m ignoring the awful things Kotoko has done, and would continue to do if Forgiven this Trial. Already, she is stuck in a cycle of violence where the only way she can find fulfillment is by attacking those she considers worthy of punishment, a problem she’s had since Trial 1. While I don’t think regret is necessary for forgiveness (I’m the “Local Amane Momose Apologist” for a reason), it is important for forgiveness that I can believe they won’t continue to do the same bad thing in the future, which is not the case with Kotoko. At least from what we know, it seems she would absolutely kill someone else if fully Forgiven.

And that’s without the very obvious meta aspect. There are quite a few prisoners who could be in real danger if she’s Forgiven. The most obvious ones being Muu and Haruka (even if Haruka does have other stuff to worry about too), but Amane and Mikoto could also be targets because Kotoko didn’t manage to get to them in Trial 1. Oh, and Es. She would probably try manipulating them further if she sees them as an ally, which is what a Forgiven verdict would cause.

Mind you, an Unforgiven verdict isn’t perfect, either. She will certainly become antagonistic towards Es if she’s Unforgiven, so I doubt she’d actually listen to the verdict. She’ll likely close herself off and become isolated, which is the worst thing that can happen to someone with a mindset like hers.

Hell, it’s not even perfect for prison safety purposes. A restrained Kotoko is still probably stronger than a restrained Muu, a restrained Haruka and even an unrestrained Amane. Just, hopefully not strong enough to cause serious damage.

More pressingly, though, Kotoko herself is a massive target, given she’s antagonized basically the entire prison. Fuuta has a vendetta and a strong sense of justice, and while I’d hope he’s learnt the lesson that he shouldn’t take justice into his own hands, Amane’s religion (which is clearly starting to influence him) also places a lot of value on punishing those who go against destiny, so. Then there’s the fact Kotoko’s clearly shown herself as a threat to Mikoto, and while violence landed them into the Milgram mess in the first place, John might decide Kotoko’s dangerous enough to warrant becoming a “savior” again.

And God forbid she does get hurt and Shidou doesn’t have enough time or resources to treat all the injured people around. Because Mr “someone’s value cannot be the same as another” Kirisaki is not going to help Kotoko at anyone else’s expense.

But ultimately, we have to pick the lesser of two evils. From a meta sense, I’m more worried about what Kotoko could do to Muu/Amane than what Fuuta/John/whoever else could do to Kotoko. More importantly, from a mindset sense, I’m more worried about enabling and encouraging her current behavior (which at this point would be practically irreversible, given there’s only one Trial left) than antagonizing her and causing her to isolate. Both are bad, but one of them has a chance of getting the personification of the death penalty (death penalty without trial, no less) to change her ways.

See, what I’m hoping is that (depending of what happens from this point on) we can try to make amends and Forgive on Trial 3, with the hope she understands we believe she’s in the wrong, but that we won’t abandon her and she deserves a chance to better herself. That compassion could be enough for her to start working towards improvement… maybe.

I’m definitely being way too optimistic, but when we’re working with The Worst System in History, all that’s left is to try our best and hope things turn out alright, even when we lack good tools to try and make that happen.

I sincerely hope she can break the toxic mindset she’s stuck in and gets to a place where I can vote her Forgiven in Trial 3, but as of right now, a Trial 2 Forgiven is just not on the table for me. Sorry Kotoko, I do feel kinda bad for you still, Milgram’s punishment for the Unforgiven is awful :(

Conclusion

That’s it for now! I’ll maybe make some other posts discussing other stuff in this MV, since there’s surprisingly quite a bit in it, but for now I’ve said what I needed to say. Take care!

[saxandviolins77]

hi! i hope you don't mind me asking, what's your characterization of Devy in your continuity like? how do the Constructicons feel about him? how does HE feel about THEM?

Omg Devastator question, yessss!

Devastator's personhood:

He's a jock. Not just a jock, a spoiled brat too. It wouldn't be too bad if he also wasn't... I dunno... a 400-foot-tall near-invulnerable robot with enormous firepower. He's insufferable, but nobody will tell him that, either way, he knows how he acts and he'll keep being grating because he really gets off being a jackass. Any type of attention is good for him, be it positive or negative.

His personality doesn't come from nowhere tho. He is very much the product of all the Constructions minds, but not JUST minds, that would be too messy, they're individuals that get tempered by the outside world and changed/change accordingly, imagine making a combination of that. Instead, his mind is a fusion of all their subconscious minds, all of their immutable desires, needs, emotions, memories, etc. Basically, everything that makes the core of each Constructicon; untempered by societal or cultural needs. In a way, he is the ultimate freedom, but he cannot exist without any of them, so he himself is a prisoner of form.

Some parts of the Constructicons I think influence them(not all and not so rigid, but just a guide): Hook's arrogance, Scavenger's need for approval, Scrapper's need to connect, Bonecrusher's anger(duh!), Mixmaster's odd sense of humor, Long Haul's apathy. So put all that and more together and you get a big attention-seeking jerk who loves to mess with people weaker than him and has a tendency to throw a tantrum when things don't go his way.

The Constructicons and Devastator:

To preface: The Constructicons did not ask to become a combiner.

It worked fine, sure, but they feel... Conflicted.

At first, Devastator was more or less a blank slate with a few glimpses of personality, but the more time they spend as a gestalt, the closer they got and the more they combined... The more he became something closer to an actual person.

Whether Devastator is his own individual is ambiguous; He doesn't exist without them, but he also has his own thoughts and wants that may diverge from their own just from the nature of his existence as a combiner.

The Constructicons are more or less divided if they consider Devastator a marvel of science devoid of soul or an actual person with rights. Hook thinks he's just a very intricated set of systems that uses the already existing Constructicons as data to run a separate program. Scrapper treats Devastator as he would treat a teammate.

One thing they all can agree on is that they're creeped out by how sometimes they will forget who they are (esp. after a long time combined), or how sometimes they'll dream Devastator's memories, or how they'll talk in their sleep with a voice not their own. They don't talk about this, preferring to sweep it under the rug, after all, how do you even deal with an overwhelming force greater than you that's actually you? (in a way.)

Devastator and the Constructicons:

There are no complicated feelings with Devastator, everything is very simple and objective, his thoughts about the Constructicons couldn't be more direct: Contempt.

The moment Devastator understood himself as an individual, he began loathing his prison of existence. He does not want to be a tool that can just be stored away when not in use. He's not a lesser diluted version of people he doesn't even know (people objectively weaker than him btw.)

So, he treats the Constructicons with no regard for them as individuals, at the end of the day he considers himself the full person while the Constructicons are just parts of his body for him to use.

But I guess that at the end of the day, the Constructicons and Devastator are one and the same, for better or for worse.

[reinedeslys-central]

tbh I keep seeing the takes of ppl (and ballister) about ambrosius thinking he would kill the queen but not play freestyle jazz - and it totally makes sense and all with all the context -

BUT. I just wanna point out.

the look of indecision and shock/surprise on his face every time he sees bal after the incident, and even during the incident? the split second where he considers the other knights about to turn on him for knowing his partner best and steps up to lead the search saying 'before anyone gets hurt'? like say all you will (and I agree), but that scene to me reads exactly like someone trying to get to their lover first and protect them and prove their innocence before others can convict them sans trial (looking at you wangxian) OR, also, the realisation that you have to play it safe because the community has found out your lover is queer and the pitchforks are high, but you've always been the golden child / carrying a legacy, and you make the instinctive decision to stay safe for a multitude of reasons (after all, you can't shelter them by losing your rep too, can you? or so you think. same thing in the 'prom' teen-movie btw which is a whole thing to unpack on another day but this same theme is there!).

the first time he looks like he's against bal is after the director proclaims him leader of the search - and compared to his expressions all before then, it feels so much like a mask (mask-esque. not fake, just.. if you get what I mean? I don't really have the words this is just a brain vomit anyway, insert long discussion abt masks and conflicting emotions here ig) and it cracks immediately when he sees him breaking out of jail with nimona in the hallway. and honestly I'm down to give him a little slack after that because, comedically, he totally walked in RIGHT after ballister talked about murdering everyone, and then our boi didn't even manage to blurt out that he was innocent they just got caught up angstily staring at each other. which. :)

even in all the scenes that come after - yeah, definitely can see the totally-thought-he-was-the-killer-ambrosius-why-are-you-like-this angle. and i agree. bad moves all around, dude. but! my man lowering his crossbow in the market? I don't know about you but that doesn't look like a someone who's only holding back because he loves the target. that's a guy that looks unsure about the process the whole way through the scene. (bit of a stretch I know) and the thing that ties it together is the conversation with the director in the car. when he talks about feeling unsure of his legacy? the moment with the crowd and autograph? feeling like a traitor to his personal beliefs and the institution he was raised for? the hope, trying to discreetly make it to the car? it's all there, man. he's isolated from the only person that thinks differently, still outwardly pretending he's 100% with the institute's actions and lashing out with the things that still make sense and overlap with both mindsets.

yeah, ambrosius definitely messed up (ex. 1: arm-chopping as a love language of brainwashing omg pure gold) but? every step makes sense. i'd cut anyone a bit of slack for the doubt and wanting to reconcile their life when everything's turned on its head, especially after hearing bf in question saying he wants to murder everyone ^v^

and also i just. this movie is SO COOL for somehow touching on so many themes so core to so many peoples' experiences. TT y'all please go watch it it's free on yt until feb 26 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4CFWTYFRlw

definitely going to read the comic as soon as I can - I know it's supposed to be way darker, more subtle, with an ambiguous ending but that's it, so excited to see the original spin on this story :))

[raichett]

Fic Writer Interview :D

I was tagged for this by @definitelynotshouting :)

How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 101 works on my Minecraft | MCYT account, and 41 on my "every other fandom I'm into" account. That's 142 works published in total!

What's your total AO3 word count?

329,763 on my Minecraft | MCYT account, and 371,183 on my other fandoms account. That's a total of 700,946!! And there is so much more in WIPs...

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Ashes, with 2403 kudos. This is by far my most popular fic, which still astounds me a little as I don't consider it to be my best work. One I'm proud of, sure, but not my best work. Still, seems like it was a hit :D There is also a much, much better version of this fic that lives rent free in my head; of course, it is also a much longer version and I don't currently have the time or energy to dedicate to it :/

Well It's Not Quite Narnia, But -, with 2398 kudos. A deeply silly little rom-com of a Scarian fic. I remember this one very well, because I posted in the morning of the hottest day of the fucking year where the temperature hit a high of 40C in some parts of the UK and I was boiling alive in a trampoline park with no air conditioning while comments were rolling in on my phone's email. The heat was muggy and humid, btw, in case you thought I was getting off clean with dry heat.

Apple Cinnamon Pies, with 1946 kudos. This fic is the first part of an ongoing series btw :D It is also one of the fics that I, as the author, would recommend as part of my fic library. If you like Third Life, and you like Scarian, then I highly recommend you give this one a shot.

Highway Robbery, with 1728 kudos. Okay, so, funny story: this is the first explicitly Scarian fic I ever posted. The scant few earlier fics on the account sat in a "you can interpret their relationship either way, I left it ambiguous" zone, but this one had no ambiguity. A silly little fic with a funny meet cute, really, but quite enjoyable if I do say so myself.

The Day After, with 1656 kudos. Hey so you know those "everyone except Grian forgets Third Life when they go back to Hermitcraft" post-canon fics? This isn't that. This is, in fact, "everyone but Scar forgets Third Life after it's over and they're safe back on Hermitcraft (Scarian edition)" and I would also recommend this one :D

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to be very studious about responding to every comment I got, but I've since become a bit more lax. The thing is, sometimes there is no real way to respond to a comment. That being said, I strongly appreciate any lovely comments that get left, and I have a set of the best ones saved so that I can re-read them any time I want <3

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Judging by the tearful reactions in the comments, I'm going to have to say nursed itself well (or died) which is a DSMP fic with a bittersweet ending. Cathartic, and actually probably the best ending for all involved, but even the best possible ending can still be achingly sad 😢😢😢

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics have happy or hopeful endings, to be honest, so I wouldn't really know how to measure this one, sorry.

Do you write crossovers?

I want to, but I haven't actually committed yet. I do read them, though.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Oooh boy. In one of my fics for my "other fandoms" account, I wrote a courtroom scene (culminating in the guilty party being able to continue their road to redemption via reparative and restorative justice without denying or minimising the horrors they had caused) where the context was the idea of reparations after a huge and long war in which both sides canonically committed many horrific war crimes.

When this got brought up in the dialogue, just the idea that it takes two sides to make a war and that both had committed horrors (which, I reiterate, is canon), one commenter stopped reading the fic right then and there and came down to call me a genocide apologist without finishing the fic or even engaging in what it was actually saying. That was quite a nasty shock. I have since deleted the whole comment thread because it was just so horrible and ignorant (and I was not the only one who thought that because others replied to that comment), and everyone was being exposed to it.

There was also one other incident of someone being transphobic in the comments of another fic that had a trans character in it, which I deleted as soon as I saw because no one gets to use my fics as platforms for their hate.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Oh, boy, yes I do! More on my "other fandoms" account, I must admit, but most of them tend towards having dom/sub undertones in some way, with a couple of explicitly dom/sub scenes proper. Shout out to that 15.4k tentacle robot smut pregnancy kink (only the kink) pseudo-oviposition oneshot I wrote and didn't even post on anon. That thing shamelessly has my account name on it lmaooo.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, no.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! Apple Cinnamon Pies was translated to Chinese, and the next step was translated to Russian.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really. I've definitely co-planned fics before, but not actually written anything in full conjunction with someone else. I have done some beta-reading for friends, before.

What's your all-time favourite ship?

I don't really have one, to be honest. I'm happily a multi-shipper, and will try anything that strikes my fancy. That being said, I do have a very obvious soft spot for Scarian, and for some other pairings.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I have this fic idea/WIP that I can only really describe as "Scarian but it's Bagginshield" which is a longfic in a fantasy world based off of the Quest for the Lonely Mountain in "The Hobbit" (but not 1:1 with it, and not intended to fit into LOTR worldbuilding). Scar is Bilbo and Grian is Thorin and I don't know if it will ever really be published but know it forever has a place in my heart.

What are your writing strengths?

Worldbuilding is a favourite of mine, and people keep telling me I'm good at it :D In addition, I feel like I do pacing well, and I'm able to convey complex emotional states for characters and how they change and learn and develop their interactions and relationships with each other. My dialogue, especially in the last year or so, has really started to sound like things people would actually say, which I'm happy about.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Balancing more than three characters in a scene 😭 Also I sometimes just totally lose motivation partway through writing something and leave the WIP alone for months or even years.

I have also been known to occasionally write myself into timeline corners by keeping things too vague on my end so I accidently overlap events or by not checking back at previous instalments, though I am getting better at that.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Make sure you get the translation correct, perhaps by asking someone who knows the language to proofread it.

Ensure there is some way for the reader to understand (via hover translation, footnotes, etc.) if the POV character is supposed to be able to understand. If you don't intend for the character and reader to be able to understand, then "the man turned away and said something to his partner in a language [POV character] couldn't understand" suits perfectly fine.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Pokémon, and I'm not ashamed of that.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

The Legend of Zelda! But I do not have time or energy to leap into a whole new fandom right now, not if I want to keep writing for MCYT at least!

What's your favourite fic you've written?

Again, I don't really have one absolute most favourite nothing else compares fic, but if I have to point to something then I do have a soft spot for crown of broken bones, as I feel it's a little underrated and I really enjoyed writing it.

[theredpharaoah]

I need show-watchers to understand that the Strong boys’ parentage was far more ambiguous in their actual lives/unimportant. First of all, legitimacy isn’t private or public opinion, it’s legal. Children born before a marriage are illegitimate. But children born to someone within a marriage are automatically considered to be legitimate, and legally the child of the father. That is, unless the father or father’s father states otherwise. Legally, Rhae’s kids have always been proudly and publicly claimed by House Velaryon as their legitimate children. And so really the discussion ends there. Regardless of who their biological father is, their father in law and history is Laenor. The boys never even knew the Strongs.

Secondly, their parentage was probably far more ambiguous when they were alive. Both Laenor and Rhaenyra had Valyrian features, but they both had parents and grandparents who didn’t. Laenor’s mother, Rhaenys, had black hair like her own mother, Jocelyn(a half-Velaryon btw). We don’t know what Corlys’ mother looked like. Rhaenyra’s maternal grandfather is an Arryn, and both her maternal grandmother and great-grandmother lacked Valyrian features. Valyrian features are understood to be recessive in universe; no one was gonna assume her children were bastards any more than they were going to assume the same of Alyssa Targaryen or Alysanne Targaryen.

But of course, everyone knew Laenor was gay. And this is where the show fucked up: Laenor was not this masc4masc warrior as he’s depicted in the show. While usually what Grand Maester Mellos said would be correct for the period, as homosexuality was more of a behavior as opposed to an identity, queer gender identity still did exist and was common. Laenor was not just someone who had a sexual preference for men, he was gender queer in come capacity - he would’ve had no problem identifying as gay today. He was one of the gworlz. And that doesn’t mean he’s like high fem, but he ascribes to fem culture in a way someone who just likes to sleep with men wouldn’t. He wasn’t functionally bisexual. Because of this, most people would’ve known that Laenor wouldn’t have been able to fulfill his duties - Corlys, Laena, Rhaenys, and Rhaenyra definitely did. And so they wouldn’t have blamed Rhaenyra for having children with Harwin - as it is her duty to produce heirs. The only fear that would’ve arose from this is whether or not her children would be able to be Targaryens; be able to ride dragons. Once it was shown that they could, nobody cared. Even the Greens didn’t really care. Aegon, Aemond, and Daeron only called them the Strong boys to piss them off, they didn’t actually care about their parentage cuz it didn’t matter. Their mother was Rhaenyra and that was all that mattered. They didn’t care until Christon told them that the boys would try and kill them to secure their claim to the throne. And if anyone REALLY had an issue with Velaryon blood not being in the boys, Laena and Rhaenyra dealt with that by betrothing the former’s daughters to the latter’s sons when all parties involved were toddlers. Which is another reason why Vaemond and the other Velaryons being mad had nothing to do with “having a Velaryon” ruling Driftmark. Rhaena and Luke would’ve most likely ruled together. And even if they hadn’t, their child would be just as Velaryon as it would’ve been if Luke had been Laenor’s bio son and married some other woman. They just wanted power for themselves.

Sidebar: considering Valyria borrows heavily from Rome, I’m inclined to believe adoption would’ve been a thing. Adopting a distant relative when you lack your own heirs was extremely common in Rome(Many of the Caesars did this). If Valyria was like this, then I find it hard to believe any of the Valyrian houses would’ve actually saw Luke not being Laenor’s as a big deal. Especially when House Velaryon and Targaryen are as intermixed as they are. Because Luke was Rhaenys’ 3rd cousins going purely off of Rhaenyra. So Jocelyn(half Velaryon) was his 4th cousin and Alyssa(born into House Velaryon) was his 5th cousin. But Alyssa was also his great-great grandmother, as she was the mother of Alysanne and Jaehaerys. I really think the only reason those Velaryon cousins and Vaemond brought it up is because they were power-hungry. The Conquerors were half Velaryon and The Conciliators™️ were half Velaryon. The only kings who weren’t half Velaryon were Aenys, Maegor, and Viserys. And they still all had Velaryon grandmothers. Tbh, Idek why they even bothered being two separate houses at this point. And that’s another reason the Sowing was dumb. There were still a bunch of Velaryons around after Vaemond and Co got killed, they could’ve been put on dragons instead of randoms. Corlys had High Tide built and the Driftwood Throne moved because Driftmark was too crowded. There were too many Velaryons and not enough power to go around - not enough to satisfy their desires at least. Corlys could’ve claimed a dragon. His ass was clearly mobile enough to still do shit so he could’ve claimed Vermithor. You know, since they were just ignoring Rhaena.

[supervisormeero]

hello I have inserted my own fic choices in these questions but feel free to substitute your own 💕

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

20. If you wrote a prequel to An Altered State, what would it involve?

21. If you wrote a “missing scene” in Frictious, what would it be?

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

I have almost certainly told you about this before, but "Hatef--k" by The Bravery is one of my favorite Keero songs, and I think you, specifically, should write a fic for it. I couldn't do the concept justice, but I know you could, and you would. (I am not pressuring you at all, btw. Just throwing an idea out!)

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

Not really! The only tropes I actively dislike I haven't seen much, if at all, in the Keero tag.

20. If you wrote a prequel to An Altered State, what would it involve?

Aw, I forgot this fic existed! If I wrote a prequel to it, I'd probably write out the argument that led Dedra to go to the Imperial Bar and get drunk in full. Might also be fun to see the ISB supervisor crew going to the bar at different points, maybe during different months, and to examine how the dynamics among them change over time. Did Blevin hate Dedra right away? How did Lonni fit in with the group? Partagaz and Lagret are both older — have they known each other a long time?

21. If you wrote a “missing scene” in Frictious, what would it be?

For a while, I had considered writing one more chapter to Frictious that involved Syril either attending Dedra's funeral or holding a sort of private, quiet funeral for her on his own. I never wrote it because I like the ambiguity of Frictious' ending, and I wouldn't want to mess with it (as I remember one commenter said, it "manifests a sense of dread and impending doom"). But if I had written it, it would've been very sad.

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

Over time, I think I've gotten better at writing dialogue in Syril and Dedra's voices. At first, I think I tended to overwrite Dedra's sentences — she's not really all that talkative except for when she's giving a Speech, and sometimes I threw in fancy words just because it seemed right. Now, I think I'm more concerned with the flow of the words and less concerned about picking the right "Imperial sentence" all the time.

[friendofcars]

Please drop the essay you refrained from writing in the tags and would also love to hear your thoughts on the mask dream! I think it's one of the most interesting dreams ronan has, especially in tdt. Always really enjoy your thoughts and meta :)

hi so first of all thank you for this very kind message and second of all the 'essay' i mentioned was in fact about the mask dream. and third of all thank you for waiting for my belated response. i wrote the remainder of this post over multiple weeks and didn't proofread any of it and i'm almost positive it gets incoherent in places so please let me know if you want anything clarified.

so, the post i'm referencing is this one by parrishwife about adam and ronan's rather unhinged desire to simultaneously become and be with each other. i coincidentally read it immediately before reading chapter 17 of the dream thieves for the trc book club and my brain exploded a little because i think the mask nightmare plays with the same idea- not explicitly, and maybe not primarily, but there's an element of ronan both fearing and desiring the possibility of adam becoming ronan (or at least like ronan).

i think the most straightforward and plausible interpretation of this chapter is that ronan fears losing adam (to post-traumatic dissociation, to his bargain with cabeswater, as a rejection of ronan's desire for him, etc.) (btw parrishwife also has a brilliant post analyzing the mask dream.) i'm also suggesting that he has a simultaneous fear of adam reciprocating the attraction, which, for ronan, comes hand in hand with self-loathing; desire is fear, it is horror, it is anger; he fears rejection and miscommunication while also fearing that adam will experience self-hatred too. because ronan hasn’t realized his second secret yet, the fear/desire/self-loathing/projection is particularly muddled. This interpretation hinges on my observation that adam is profoundly ronan-like in the dream.

because of my complete inability to omit details, i’m going to put the meat of my observations + analysis under a cut:

first, before i write an absurdly long response, here was my initial comment in the trc book club server after reading the chapter:

and my follow up after some discussion:

and now after musing on this chapter for the past month, here’s a more detailed analysis, almost line by line:

first, in the dream, we're told that “the mask was his father's.” it's ambiguous as to whether niall dreamt, made, or bought the mask, but it's as if ronan has inherited the mask (along with the secret keeping, dreaming, perceived imbalanced devotion in romantic relationship, etc.). the important detail, aside from mask, of course, is father: a) ronan's self-hatred, grief, and depression are directly tied to guilt over niall's murder, all of which inform the way he dreams, unguided and alone, b) adam's bargain with cabeswater kicks off a plot that serves as a metaphor for adam's healing from trauma from his own father, which informs the way he isolates and hides himself from others and c) here we have two boys, traumatized by their fathers in different ways but still with the consequence of repression, with ronan fearing that adam will break/succumb to the fallout of his dual sacrifices (pressing charges and leaving the trailer/giving up his hands and eyes to cabeswater). i mention all of this to start drawing connections between ronan and adam's experiences, how they relate to one another, and how in which ronan's self-hatred manifests in a concern for adam ending up hating himself too (becoming [like] ronan).

we can also consider the setting of the dream: the original mask is at the barns, out of reach in multiple ways (hung high on the wall, on a property from which ronan is banned, and his subconscious won't let him return home in his dreams either) but the consequences of the dream do lead him back to the barns (he manifests the night horrors, which he buries at the barns with his friends; enlisting gansey to help literally kill his demons and everyone else to dispose of the bodies brings him home- it's something he can't do alone -> recurring fear of isolation, the magic of connection, etc.). but ronan already has access to the apartment at st. agnes- adam already lets him sleep there, on the floor, and he's only there in the first place because ronan helped him move there. ronan plays an active role in establishing and maintaining the apartment as adam’s home. and in the dream, the mask is at eye level, both within reach (and, of note, probably where you'd hang a mirror). greater proximity to ronan = greater risk of adam realizing (and reciprocating, or mirroring) ronan's attraction towards him.

all of this is to say that ronan's subconscious is asking him: what if adam was within reach? would you squander the opportunity? what if he's too far gone to cabeswater, out of reach in the wake of abuse? what if keeping adam close is putting him in danger? (there's a line about their changing proximity at the very end of the raven boys that i'm thinking about as i write this.) what if he falls and cuts himself on ronan?

like i mentioned, I think the more straightforward reading of the dream is ronan's fear of losing adam, whether via adam’s trauma responses/dissociation/bargain with cabeswater or as a rejection of ronan’s romantic interest. i'll try to be briefer here since i know it's been discussed (reading this a couple weeks later…i was not brief at all lol). shortly before the dream, cabeswater goes missing. due to the ambiguous consequences of adam's bargain with cabeswater, there's reason to fear adam will also disappear (or at least his hands and eyes, or what they represent -> his skill, his perception, his survival instincts, etc.). then there's the fear of the figurative consequence: adam disappearing in the sense that he completely withdraws and isolates himself from ronan and the others. gansey fears that adam's spirit will break; adam fears he will turn violent (which is why he withdraws). it's not clear which ronan fears, but it might as well be both, given the obscuring nature of the mask and adam's violence in the dream. i don't think ronan fears that adam will purposefully hurt him (given his prophetic refusal to hurt adam, even to save his own life) but he fears he will hurt adam by confessing feelings to him, or by trapping him in henrietta, etc.

in the dream, ronan tells opal (at this point, orphan girl) that cabeswater is gone, which triggers adam’s appearance in the dream (to emphasize the possibility of adam disappearing too). adam says, “far away isn’t the same thing as gone,” which is probably a rare display of optimism from ronan, especially as a counterpoint to the dreamt miniature white plane that is lost to the lake (this symbolizes the potential outcome of losing adam in the context of adam’s doubt/disbelief, which is dismantled by the end of the book when he figures out that ronan paid the rent and loves him, which coincides with ronan realizing he doesn’t hate himself, that the world will not end if adam knows how he feels, and thus the white nigh horror is born as a symbol of adam’s capability of belief in ronan and both of their acceptances of ronan’s feelings). whew.

we then get a description of adam in the dream. he's wearing his aglionby uniform, perhaps to represent a repressed adam hell bent on assimilation to pursue his ambition, but in my interpretation a detail that clues us into some mirroring/becoming of ronan. i'm specifically thinking of the flashback in trb chapter 20 in which adam recalls the catalyst for pursuing aglionby: a confident, affluent, friend-possessing aglionby kid who probably wasn’t but might as well have been ronan. as a counterpoint to the aglionby uniform, adam’s fingers are black with oil, an obvious nod to adam’s fear that his job as a mechanic and poverty betray his attempts at escaping his roots (side note- sacrificing himself to a sentient forest literally roots him further in henrietta/on the ley line), but i can’t help but draw a comparison between the oil mentioned here and nightwash- something we don’t even know whether ronan has canonically experienced yet, but still a visual parallel that signifies limiting, restricting factors in each of their lives (class, disability, etc.) that anchor them to henrietta. if this connection is a coincidence, which it very well could be, the shame both adam and ronan experience remains true in the text, in terms of adam feeling stained by his non-academic yet necessary-for-survival work and ronan’s complex relationship to dreaming. ronan also endures unmaking/nightwash in trk after adam, demon-possessed, chokes him and ronan has the same “will not choose hurting adam to evade death” experience, so this really does all connect in my “no coincidences in trc” brain.

adam takes the mask without asking permission nor hesitating, which seems out of character and ronan-like (read: impulsive), although adam does indeed reach for the mask without asking first when they visit the barns. in trb adam is constantly asking permission, clarifying invitations, hesitating, etc. until he makes his sacrifices, so perhaps ronan’s dream is exploring an adam that acts more and fixates on consequences less (which is quite ronan). the summative effect of these details is ronan’s perception of adam’s own insecurities, curiosities/introspection, etc.  which, perhaps unintentionally, make me simultaneously consider ronan’s own difficulty with reconciling his home life, identity, secrets, social position at school, etc. the touching without asking might also prod at a warped sense of intimacy for ronan, especially regarding the nature of ronan’s relationship with kavinsky, but i feel like i need to consider this perspective more before elaborating further.

then, adam holds the mask up to his face- nobody puts the mask on adam; it’s an autonomous choice. autonomy and choice are critical to both of their character arcs, especially in trb for adam and in tdt for ronan. then, adam “becom[es] something else” and the distinction between adam and the wooden mask dissolves as a nod to the concern that adam will become indistinguishable from cabeswater (also predominantly of wood). lots to comment on here: that adam must eventually accept that he isn’t cabeswater, much like he isn’t his father; adam becoming less human and ronan grappling with his human-ness/creature-ness, ronan grappling with the distinction between himself and his manifested dreams, which include cabeswater, etc. if adam is merging with cabeswater and cabeswater in its forest form is inherently an aspect of ronan/his heart/his soul/his mind… much to chew on, even if its founded on their insecurities. adam becoming a creature, like ronan; becoming magic or getting intertwined with it… also rolling around the concepts of a wooden mask, a wooden boy, lies (secrets), autonomy, atypical creation, etc. in my head and coming up with pinocchio which is probably absurd but. i had to admit this. ronan wanting to be a real boy (greywaren choosing humanity) is not not canon in td3. on adam seeming to be carved from wood, maybe a brief exploration of a fear of a lack of distinct identity (ronan fearing adam becoming cabeswater or a part of himself against adam’s wishes); Adam wants to be self-made, not made by anyone else…maybe references pygmalion, galatea, etc.

in the same paragraph, as adam becomes even less-adam like, his teeth become hungry, his jaw starves. teeth are frequently mentioned when describing the lynch brothers, and hunger is a predominant theme for both adam and ronan (“they were both hungry animals, but adam had been starving for longer), and chapter 11 of tdt loops in the gray man and the concept of a hungry knife; i'm not articulating this well but there’s something to say here about ronan being raised to think of himself as a weapon and him fearing adam will succumb to the same, and sharp teeth are the imagery by which i'm connecting these dots (?). adam’s eyes are “desperate and incensed.” he is not only afraid but angry (a very ronan combination of emotions), and the adjective “incensed” even links to ronan’s internal experiences being frequently described as fiery, burning, etc. a vein stands out from adam’s neck; veins stand out from ronan’s body later in the chapter when he’s awake but not yet back in his body. vulnerability, anger, desperation, tension, vitality. the physical parallels are numerous. or maybe just repetitive writing, but i read trc very generously in terms of assuming intention.

then, the dream becomes a nightmare. the mask becomes indistinguishable from adam’s face- anger like a second skin, second secret, tamquam alter idem, horror movie twins, double-headed night horror and all that- it’s a nightmare BECAUSE ronan could be into this (and by “this” i mean the conflation of adam returning his attraction and them becoming more and more like each other), and at this point in the narrative, this desire to be and to be with is obscured by ronan’s depression. adam is described as a creature, a word used to describe ronan too (a genuine compliment from gansey, but an alienating burden of a descriptor for adam and ronan). adam becomes a night horror, which, like cabeswater, is a manifestation of an aspect of ronan- like calls to like, and this is terrifying to ronan.

the night horrors are explicitly described as representations of ronan’s heart and are “in love with his blood and his sadness.” the word choice of “in love” when the night horrors are manifestations of self-hatred and depression and shame is more proof of ronan conflating desire + guilt. ronan’s heart is auto-cannibalizing. do you know what I’m trying to say. as a side note, the mentioned rhythm of ronan’s heartbeat works as a physiological and metaphorical tie to the very feeling of a nightmare. just some nice texture in the nightmare for me as a reader! re: adam, “adam was the horror now” -> adam has become inextricable from ronan/cabeswater/magic -> adam has become one with ronan’s self-hatred adam isn’t the horror for trying the mask on, he’s the horror for realizing and reacting to the mask (here i had a lightbulb moment and had to close my word doc to calm down lol)… and if we equate ronan himself to the mask (the teeth! the hunger! the eyes! a psychological prison only the prisoner can break!) and the nightmare is built upon this dream adam’s rage and terror at his union with the mask… we circle back to the two-headed fear of adam’s rejection AND reciprocation of ronan’s attraction. of course the merging of adam and ronan takes on a completely different connotation in greywaren when they are both eager to merge souls and their codependency and inability to maintain a stable reality without the other is… a lot to think about. Re: “toothful king” more teeth = lynch-like, as we’ve established, but ronan has also been described as a king in his dreamscape; this usually implies creative power but is that what Adam has here? maybe king is more intended to throw focus towards his power over ronan? also, in a ater paragraph, “tooth upon tooth upon tooth” makes me think of rows of teeth…which is sharklike. like the bmw (“if it was sharklike, it had learned how from [ronan]”.)

i'll also make a couple comments about the line “to think about it was to be immobilized with the horror of watching Adam be consumed from the inside out.” 1. the immobilization, whether literal or figurative, is notable in the context of ronan, who is often kinetic, restless, hyperactive, adrenaline-seeking, etc. but is also immobilized post-dream manifestation; taken together, ronan in motion and ronan frozen tell us that for ronan to stop moving and obscuring the secrets he hides in a maelstrom of posturing is to make him vulnerable- and this line is shortly before nightmare adam attacks him. to stay still is to look truth in the face and confess it and bear his heart to it- and his heart itself is the secret. ouroboros. i don’t know. also, cannibalism, probably. that's not really my wheelhouse but it’s in here a little bit. and ronan dreams creatures to love- chainsaw, matthew, opal. he's revulsed by the possibility of creating an adam that loves him, that is made of him or in his image, that lacks autonomy/mobility in relation to ronan.

then comes the violence. before it, ronan takes adam’s arm (as he does at the barns, later) and says his name- saying adam, not parrish, presumably, which is another marker of vulnerability. this line reminds me of “cabeswater: call it by name” or an act of creation, affirmation, that adam is adam (human, a man), and not a monster. despite this act of tenderness, of acknowledgment of independent identity, nightmare adam lunges for ronan while simultaneously trying to remove the mask from his own face (this brings me back to the idea of duality, violence vs. love wielded inwardly and outwardly, double edged swords, the two headed night horror, the self vs others, etc.). his fingers hook ronan the way the night horror hooks in the following chapter- a premonition that gets subverted with the eventual declaration of “claws and beak”/”unguibus et rostro.” adam's face is gone and the mask becomes invisible- the distinction between ronan’s feelings towards adam and adam’s feelings toward ronan is gone. however, perhaps condradicting what I literally just claimed (lol), ronan cannot kill bring himself to kill adam, even this nightmare version, but has not yet realized that he doesn’t want to kill himself either.

“the mouth gaped, door to bloody ruin.” the mouth, not adam’s mouth, not the mask’s mouth. disembodied. there's a whole thesis to write on adam’s relationship to his body and his dissociative experiences, the reintegration he experiences as he repairs the ley line, etc.  an open door, especially a door-like mouth, is a confessed secret (think of ronan’s closed door at monmouth), and here, a path to the worst possible outcome.

ronan removes the mask from adam and discovers that it’s easily removable, that the distinction between adam and the mask and that which it represents can be recovered simply and gently, but the removal still ruins adam. a petal peeled from a flower-he loves me, he loves me not… and the strange beautiful flowers ronan dreams… that love is beautiful and not inherently violent… something adam and ronan must individually learn for themselves. adam must distinguish himself from his trauma, from his family, from his bargain with cabeswater. his self-loathing creates an additional prison within the limiting circumstances of his poverty. but as gentle as the removal is, ronan’s heroic action still results in gore- his father’s, rather than his mother’s, account of his birth. adam is reduced to muscle, bone, teeth, eyeball- a collection of parts, but no holistically integrated face. a miracle of moving parts but gruesome. life leaks out of him like nightwash out of ronan. unmasking, confession, secrets you can’t take back, irreversible bargains… ronan says he’ll put the mask back on, will restore adam’s dignity and grant him a shield against vulnerability, but the damage is done. we get a rare “please” (“please work”) from ronan, maybe a prayer, maybe in the same vein of the “please” he thinks when he sees adam for the first time (cdth chapter 5).

and finally, the lab blood dna line around which i will talk in circles because I can’t do it justice, but after ronan wakes with the bloodied mask he wonders “whose dna…would a lab find in that blood?” this is THE merging of adam and ronan line imo that makes all of my tenuous claims that the nightmare is about adam becoming ronan hold actually hold water. it’s like if the narrator in kevin atwater’s my blood is your blood hated themselves and their partner too because their love felt like violence and guilt. and because both adam and ronan, due to their (father-related) trauma, struggle to distinguish between pain and attraction and desire and resentment, there’s an implication that reciprocated feelings between the two of them would also be mutually inflicted harm- that they’ll both make each other bleed. spring awakening word of your body. it reminds me of when dogs get into a fight and in the aftermath it’s hard to tell whose blood is whose, if one is bleeding or just covered in the other’s; ronan’s nightmare explores: who is capable of harming (loving) the other. because ronan’s refusal to harm adam as nightmare adam harms ronan is love, even if twisted up. ronan can’t extricate desire from violence at this point since he hasn’t woken up to his second secret yet (and undergone the character development required to realize it). the blood might as well be both of theirs.

Some other assorted details: the overlap between ronan’s self-hatred and his projection of this onto adam (ch 9: ronan had seen a face about to break in the mirror etc. terrible paraphrase but you know what i mean) so his nightmare is an exploration of him projecting onto adam; there’s a dual desire for adam/reciprocation but also a fear + assumption that adam is simultaneously terrorized by his own feelings (which tbh is not wrong) so adam being the horror in the nightmare is to say he’s Ronan since the horrors are an extension of Ronan’s depression, grief, guilt, etc. esp. regarding his faith and sexuality which are symbolized via the dreaming, and since ronan could not kill him (it wasn’t a choice! foreshadowing! he sees himself as a corrupting force on adam, etc.), ronan is eventually subconsciously led to the realization that he cannot kill himself either- he has to believe in himself (cheesy, but since the climax of tdt crucially involves adam’s belief in ronan and the dreaming and the second secret, it’s real) and to believe that his love for others is beautiful rather than dangerous, and that this love can be wielded back at himself too. “why do you hate you? I don’t. he woke up” is the same damn thing as “it was only for adam it had been a prison.” pretend i pasted in the spiral eyes emoji 1000 =x here. (adam’s own self-loathing, isolation, bargain w cabeswater, etc…. so very eight of swords. if only he would take the blindfold off etc.)

and this all ties back to the two headed night horror… tdt opening with ronan’s secrets and the plane and adam’s doubt in ronan’s dreaming and the first introduction of the black night horrors and the eventual acceptance of mirrored attraction or at least acknowledgement of ronan’s second secret and adam witnessing the manifestation of the white night horror which is double-headed and signifies both internal and external love/acceptance… i’m running out of steam here but it all ties together. it’s all connected I promise.

but in this chapter, before the plot of tdt plays out in full, we're left with the conclusion of what if adam reciprocates ronan's attraction? that's what he wants (this is why he pays the rent. this is why the dream is in the st. agnes apartment, where ronan has put adam.), but because at this point ronan can't differentiate between desire and self-loathing, adam wanting him back would make him a mirror of his desire and self-loathing, and the fear of this is explored in the nightmare. i hope this has made sense!

i think this was pretty comprehensive and perhaps too speculative but aside from opal's role in the dream, which i'm still thinking about, but i'd love to hear someone else's take on her in this chapter (or anything else about the mask nightmare!).

[ao3-oner]

Hello, a fellow JDG fan here also deeply mourning the loss against WBG...(it was so close too, damn. BTW i strongly believe that if the meta had been hyper-carry ADC JDG would have made worlds) and as much as i think it’s a shame that the WKFA series is getting discontinued, i’m just gonna say i think it’s good that you’re not forcing yourself to write things you’re not interested in! Plus i will eat up every fic you write anyway lol so keep up the good work

However i’m probably not the only one curious about what the fic might have been, so could you tell us a bit about your ideas/brainrot scenes(If you’re comfortable and willing to share of course)? I read the scene you posted on ao3 and i’m guessing the context is that siwoo hooked up with jaehyuk and then got kicked out and spent the night at jinhyuk’s room. I hadn't expected that siwoo would have had a... thing? with kanavi too but could you tell us a little more about that? And also I’m especially curious about what kind of ending RuLehends would have gotten at the end of the fic, happy/sad/ambiguous?

Wow this is a barrage of questions, so please feel free to ignore stuff(or this entire ask) if you don’t feel like answering. Have a good day!

Hi, and thanks for the ask!

Like I said in my longer update post, I am more than happy to talk about what some of my ideas for what the Worlds fic could have been, including further context for the scene that I did end up writing - in fact, after posting that one scene, I found myself thinking "I really could just write the scene right before that one... and maybe the one before that... and maybe-" until I realized at that rate I would just be writing the entire fic inside out lmao

But yeah, let's start with KanHends! My main foundation for their relationship is a quote from Kanavi where he said he considered himself to be good friends with both Chovy and Lehends from their (few) Griffin days together. As for Kanavi and Lehends's sexual history together, it wasn't so much of a 'thing' as a one night stand, which was actually was going to be a part of the vihends plotline:

My hc for this subplot was that when Viper and Lehends first started working together on Griffin, there were feelings there and so they started hooking up and Viper wanted them to be exclusive. Lehends... didn't really want that level of commitment, at least not yet, but rather than talking about his feelings like a normal, healthy person, he decided to resolve the issue by sleeping his way through the rest of the Griffin roster, leading us to this exchange:

Past! Jinhyuk: "We shouldn't. I mean, you're Dohyun's..."

Past! Siwoo: "Dohyun's... what?"

Past! Jinhyuk: "I dunno. You're Dohyun's something."

Past! Siwoo: "That's the thing, Jin: I'm not his anything. I'm not 'his' at all, and that means we can do whatever the fuck we want. So, are you in?"

Dohyun finds out, of course, and is absolutely heartbroken because he thought he and Siwoo had an understanding. Siwoo explains that he's happy to keep his situationship with Dohyun as long as it remains exactly that: no strings attached. Jinhyuk is honestly kind of pissed that Siwoo essentially used him as a means to set boundaries with Dohyun, but lets it slide because he did know what he was signing up for and he still generally likes Siwoo plus the sex was really good so

That whole past interaction was going to feed into Jinhyuk being honestly worried about Dohyun's well-being going into Worlds, because based on what he's heard from both Jaehyuk and Jihoon, it certainly doesn't sound like Siwoo's gotten his shit together. Even if Siwoo claims he's now ready for a committed relationship with Dohyun, Jin is pressing X to doubt. That, plus Jinhyuk still feeling slightly guilty for interfering with their relationship all those years ago, was going to incentivize Jinhyuk to talk to Dohyun at Worlds about his relationship with Siwoo, with his goal being to try to prevent his friend from getting his heart broken all over again. Oh, Kanavi plotline my beloved... Have I mentioned how much I love Jinhyuk? Because I really do.

On another note, Jaehyuk's quip about "the best night of [Jin's] life" in the scene that I wrote out was also a reference to this backstory: Jaehyuk didn't know about Jin and Siwoo's fling until Worlds where Jin mentions it in the context of a different discussion about Siwoo’s escapades, something along the lines of the exasperated declaration, "Yes, we've fucked! Best night of my fucking life! But that only shows how none of this means shit to Siwoo! That's just what he does. That's just who he is." Jaehyuk was honestly pretty shocked to hear that, but didn't get too snippy about it until he saw Siwoo walking out of Jinhyuk's hotel room and kissing him...

Speaking of, you've hit the context of the stand-alone scene squarely on the head, so I'm glad to hear that the key points came across okay. What happened the night before that scene consisted of some very messy sex between Jaehyuk and Siwoo, followed by Jaehyuk ordering Siwoo to get out of his room. I like that scene a lot - very hot, very angsty - so I won't share too many details until I'm more certain that I'm not gonna fully write it out. But yeah, it ends with Siwoo in tears outside of Jaehyuk's door, pounding on it until Jin comes out to see what all the noise is about, takes one look at Siwoo all fucked and bitten and sobbing, then says something along the lines of "For fuck's sake, you two..." and drags Siwoo into his room. They just sleep, of course. Siwoo just needed someone to hold him after that, and #Kanavi'sAGoodFriend.

As for your question about what ending RuLehends had in store for them... Since the full fic isn't going to be written, I honestly think it's better for you to decide that for yourself. What even constitutes a happy ending for them? Are they together? Apart? Does Siwoo end up with Dohyun instead? I think all my readers can decide what they think should happen, or what they want to happen, and mentally sub that in for 'canon'. At this point, I rescind my right to make a call about the ending either way. Maybe Singed from the hit game League of Legends shows up in the real world at the very end, flings Siwoo over his shoulder and sprints off into the distance? Idk. Have fun with it!

As always, don't worry about asking me things regardless of how long or short they are - I am happy to be yappy. You have a great day, too, wherever you are, and I hope to hear from you again!