#content: meta

[lizzybeth1986]

Nadia Park: The Moral Epicenter of "Perfect Match"

Nadia has, in some ways, been a polarizing figure amongst Perfect Match stans ever since the series debuted back in 2018. A lot of us loved her spunk, spark, humour and optimism, but there were just as many who found her "annoying", looked down on her for "ditching the group" in Book 2, and dubbed her love for Steve as a " crazy obsession". Of course, there is very little that is accurate about such descriptions and there would be very little chance some in the fandom would view her this way if she were a white woman - and besides, such views entirely miss the point on why Perfect Match needed a character like Nadia.

Nadia starts out as the only member of the MC's (canonically large) family that we see, and the Park cousins often see themselves as a unit, who do most things together and look out for each other.

Her attempts to find true love through Eros, and her recommendation of their services to the MC, is what kickstarts the story, and the series itself ends with the cousins reflecting together on their experiences. She is also an artist, and seeing her beau Steve describe her work as "indescribable" is our first indicator of the Matches' most obvious flaw: that they can't interpret meaning from, or attribute emotion to, the abstract.

But over and above all else - Nadia is the eternal optimist. While in the abstract, her thoughts may seem quite morbid, at heart she is someone who believes the best of the people she meets and tends to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. This is in stark contrast to Damien, who is known for his extreme skepticism.

There are different ways Nadia's optimism is viewed throughout the story. By Damien, by the MC, by the people around her - both those who love her and those who grow to love her. Sometimes as an optimism so extreme as to be borderline ridiculous, sometimes as naïveté. But the value of the perspective she brings can only be understood when you look at the theme that is so central to the series.

What Does It Mean To Be A Person?

Simply put, Perfect Match is first and foremost about personhood, identity, and what it means to be human. It starts out with the possible premise of whether androids are human enough. Both the characters in the book as well as many readers in the fandom initially viewed the Matches as inferior to the "actual human beings" in the series, when it was running. But PM managed to turn such an idea on its head. Even now, the narrative has a deft way of making us ask questions about what personhood and senitence could mean.

Shortly after the MC discovers the truth about Hayden (PM1 Ch10), Sloane says the following about the idea of Hayden being "a machine": We are all machines...Your nervous system works on electrical impulses, and your emotions are regulated by chemicals in your brain. It's just that you're a machine of blood and bone, and s/he's a machine of metal and plastic.

More specifically, the core theme of PM is about how personhood doesn't emerge merely from being creatures of blood, bone and brain; how there is a lot more nuance to the concept of humanity than just that, or just emotions, or just free will. It asks us to explore what being human means to us, what it means to have a soul of one's own. It questions the logic of feeling superior to any sentient being who isn't built exactly like us.

Hayden Young - the MC's Perfect Match - is the character that embodies this core idea, with their questions, their conflicts, and their desire to know more about themselves and their world. The fact that they evolve far beyond their programming challenges the simplistic notion that they are not "person enough", that they can be more easily controlled than humans. Their true beginning as a character begins from the moment they ask "How do you open your mouth and tell someone you don't feel real?" and keeps evolving from that point.

Other Matches show elements of this internal conflict too, though not to the extent Hayden does; Steve chooses to embrace the identity Eros has given him rather than challenge it, Dames' personality stops him from attacking the MC even when Cecile overrides his programming. Harley's mission takes a backseat when they fall in love with Cecile, who is ironically the more inhuman person in that dynamic.

Keegan has their own doubts about Rowan and Cecile, and attempts to find out - through their discussion with the MC - whether the outside world is really worth trusting. All the Matches are programmed a certain way, to achieve certain goals. Yet, each of these Matches find their own ways to exercise their independence.

How does the human end of this fare? That is a question that has varying answers throughout the book, across different characters.

Thematically, Rowan and Cecile perhaps inhabit the bottom-most tier of this hierarchy. They are the villains of the series, and their defeat is the high point of the story. Their villainy manifests in two ways: first, in the way they treat the Matches, their "children" (using and abusing them, discarding them whenever convenient, gaslighting the ones who have only them to turn to, violating every possible boundary to get what they want), and second, in the way they treat other human beings.

They celebrate the pain of other people (Khaan, Damien, the guard Hayden hurts at the SF HQ) when it suits their aims (The Siren Project, mapping the human soul).

Rowan and Cecile are the direct antithesis to the idea that humans could be "superior". They are proof that a person could physically be a "human" yet completely lack humanity.

You also have characters like Damien and Alana. People who are human, people who do possess some compassion and empathy, yet allow their cynicism to justify words and acts of casual cruelty, and engage in dehumanizing the Matches. They prefer to save their empathy only for those they like.

Damien calls Hayden "nuts and bolts, computer for a brain" in a dialogue option (PM1 Ch10), and insists on throwing Hayden and Sloane back into the clutches of Eros, even though they have literally just saved the group. Alana herself actually betrays the entire group to Eros with little to no remorse, and is shown often speaking of the Matches in dehumanizing terms.

(last two screenshots are from the Jazmine Cadena YouTube channel, and only show up if you didn't save Steve in Book 1)

While some may claim that Damien and Alana's suspicions and behaviour are understandable, and the narrative itself doesn't exactly require them to apologise for their behaviour...the harm that their language and beliefs generate lasts beyond those stray moments. For instance, Hayden themselves later confirms how much they dread being viewed as an object and the level of discrimination they will face, once they reveal who they are at Winona's talk show:

Eventually, Damien and Alana are required to change their mind to an extent at least. Once they're deeply involved in exposing Eros, there are less occurances of them using dehumanizing language. They are required to at least work with both people and androids whose views differ from theirs, and tone down the hostility, to achieve their goals.

Damien's story starts with him being a man who is forever suspicious and warning his friends about the relationships they choose to be in. As the story progresses, he learns to open up more, trust his allies more, and eventually even attempts to gently talk Keegan out of killing Cecile just to save them. While he never apologizes to Hayden and Sloane - the people he had harmed - for his earlier behaviour, he still manages to look out for them.

Alana's story begins with her desire to not be tied down yet still have some sort of home base to return to, as well as deep-seated insecurities about her own worth as a partner and friend. While it isn't fully known how much she changes with regards to her attitude towards the Matches, she does take a step back in her jibes and insults, co-operating with the ones who are clear allies, and following the law when it comes to Sirens like Harley.

Sloane and Khaan navigate their relationships with the Matches very differently, having played significant roles in creating and shaping them. Sloane, in particular, believes in the rights of the Matches, and is one of their most passionate defenders. She literally quits her job and betrays her company to save Hayden, and is disgusted by Eros' abusive practices towards the Matches. Khaan is fascinated with the growth the Matches have shown since he'd left Eros five years ago, and tries his best to ensure that Rowan and Cecile cannot make assassins out of them.

However, even with all these good intentions, even Sloane and Khaan cannot fully escape some of their own deep-seated biases as human beings. In PM2 Ch 6, Sloane and Khaan speak of Hayden's many skills as if they're a science project, and when the MC adopts UWU, Sloane repeatedly compares Hayden to them. Both times, Hayden voices their discomfort, which is goes mostly ignored.

After an entire day of grappling with different issues - including Sloane and Khaan leaning into technical-speak when talking about them - Hayden calls them out on the damaging impact of their words:

As with Damien and Alana, Khaan and Sloane aren't exactly required to apologize for this either, or even view the way they speak of Hayden as a problem. But the group as a whole doesn't repeat this behaviour again, especially once the battle with Eros is really on and they learn more and more about the other Matches. Eventually, as CEOs, the two can demand for the investors to stall the Match program and replace it with a rehabilitation program for the remaining Matches. When the MC shows an interest in rehabilitating Harley, Sloane confesses that she, too, finds that the best option. If we do not win Keegan's trust, it is Sloane and Khaan's plans to help the Matches, that makes them reach out.

The MC

Where does the MC fit in all this? That depends on the player. The MC begins by viewing Hayden and Sloane with suspicion (PM1 Ch 10), and rightfully so. Both they and Nadia were the ones directly affected - as clients who were duped and later targeted by the company (who - at this point - Sloane represents).

No matter which choices one goes for when they first question Sloane, the MC begins by viewing Hayden as a con artist who betrayed them. Once Sloane explains Hayden's plight to them, the MC has the option of either viewing them with empathy and compassion (like Sloane does), or with a distinct lack of either (as Damien and later Alana do). They can also choose to either trust Sloane, or demand she earn back the trust she'd lost.

As the series progresses, the MC becomes friendlier and nicer to the two by default, and advocates for the group to rescue Hayden at the Arctic HQ. By Book 2, whether we have saved Steve or not, the MC cares about both Hayden and Steve as an integral part of their group, by default.

Dames does mention, in PM2 Ch1, that the MC's response to learning his identity was different from everyone else's. "You sat next to me and asked me if I was okay [...] you didnt treat me like...whatever I am". By default, the MC is respected and trusted in the group for their compassion by default.

With the appearance of Keegan in PM2 Ch12, the MC is truly faced with the question of how they view the Matches in general. Not just the ones they are friends with/in love with - but the ones they have seen only in passing, the ones they have never met...the ones they have never built any sort of relationship with. The narrative treats this scene as a turning point for the MC - their response to Keegan dictates whether Keegan's flawed worldview (fed by Eros) will change. It dictates how they will act in the series finale - leaving Cecile to the authorities rather than killing her themself all boils down to whether they trust the MC enough to accept their sound advice.

Emphasizing the rights of every Match allows Keegan to learn to trust the outside world; admitting the MC only gives a damn about the Matches they know personally only confirms Keegan's biases. Even if you're a player who is vehemently anti-robot and would like to refer to the "Match" characters in the story as objects...the narrative itself encourages you to think otherwise, or to at least pretend to do so to save your own skin. It is, eventually, the MC who is credited with encouraging certain Matches (like Dames and Keegan) to trust more human beings and hope for a better future.

But How is Nadia the Moral Center of This Book?

So far, we've spoken about the different approaches the other characters (esp the LIs) take to the question of the Matches. We have the skepticism of Damien, Alana's prejudices, and the tendency to be careless with one's language in Khaan and Sloane. In the middle of all this, the MC is allowed to choose which view they align with more (unless it's Rowan and Cecile's). So where does Nadia fit in here?

To understand this, we must go back to the role Rowan and Cecile have to play in the story. As mentioned earlier, they are the villains that the group is meant to ultimately defeat. There is nothing particularly redeemable about them, even in playthroughs where the MC can turn on the charm and flirt with Cecile. Both of them are arrogant, power-hungry, and consistently look down on both Matches and other humans alike.

They also completely, and consistently, lack empathy. No matter who is harmed in the wake of their deranged experiments. We are shown, time and again, a Rowan and Cecile whose victims are left bleeding, hurt, and traumatized - and never given even basic medical attention (eg. Cecile celebrates the advancement of the Siren Project when a Match breaks Khaan's arm, and again when Hayden hurts the human Eros guard at the SF HQ... instead of actually calling for a medic to treat them). In fact, the more pain they inflict, the happier Rowan and Cecile feel.

You cannot find a more direct contrast to this mindset than Nadia's. Not only is she someone with an inherently nurturant personality, someone who protects the people she loves - she is also incredibly empathetic. Very often in the story (especially Book 1) we find her constantly regulating the group's emotional responses. When they seem morose and pessimistic, she demands for them to enjoy the moment. (Some good examples of these are the screenshots below and when she forces everyone out of their "sulky pity party" post the humiliation on Winona's show):

But when the group tries (unconvincingly) to maintain a sense of calm in an abnormal situation, Nadia is emphatic on being honest about the gravity of what's happening:

She also has a keen sense of intuition. When Steve goes missing, with a harsh note indicating that he is leaving her, Nadia is insistent that the real situation can't be as simple. She even formulates an "evidence board" to convince the MC and Damien that they should investigate his disappearance further:

The most obvious conclusion the Park cousins can draw, is that Steve wasn't who Nadia thought he was and had unceremoniously dumped her. But it is Nadia who takes the initiative to look back further on the experiences she has had so far with him, and understand that something doesn't quite add up. It is her insistence that gets Damien and the MC to search further and find Gary, that makes Eros have to recall the model, that eventually gives Steve and Nadia a second chance as a couple (either at Arctic HQ if you save him, or in Tokyo if you don't). The fandom often called this Nadia's "weird obsession", but a desire to not want to give up on others is a trait entirely unique to her and isn't just restricted to Steve.

Nadia is also unapologetic about how she feels or how deep those feelings go - nor does she take half-measures when it comes to protecting Steve. Especially once Eros demands for Hayden and Steve to be given to them (or, in the story where one doesn't save Steve at the Arctic HQ - where the group manages to take Steve with them in Tokyo), she looks out for Steve and makes more efforts to understand his needs. Her brief departure from the group (after funding most of their travel and staying expenses) is both an attempt to return to her job and to allow Steve the space to embrace the identity that Eros gave him. She ensures that he isn't too deeply involved in the fighting and investigating that the rest of the group does. She also understands that while the group can still operate pretty well without her, Steve still needs her support more, to rebuild his own life.

Both Nadia and Steve bear scars from what Eros did to them in Book 1, and - depending on when Steve is saved from Eros - seek to navigate their relationship differently from how they did in the beginning. You will notice that in PM1 (esp Chs 3-5), their relationship progresses at a rate that alarms everyone (including Eros, who note that it is going "ahead of timeline"). By Ch 3 they have moved in together, and by Cedar Rest, Nadia drops heavy hints about being interested in marriage.

Nadia learns and grows from this experience. Once she reunites with Steve, she doesn't take initiative herself to pop the question, instead allowing Steve to determine the pace he is more comfortable with for their relationship. If he was part of the group at the end of PM1, the relationship proceeds at a much more relaxed pace in the second book, culminating in a wedding proposal from him in the finale (he also seems hopeful about the prospect mid-book, responding to a speculation that they may get married in PM2 Ch 7 with "never say never"). If not, they have to rebuild that relationship from scratch.

In a lot of ways, the experience of losing Steve and then understanding who he truly is, makes her not only protective of him but also determined not to repeat what could be past mistakes ("rushing" the relationship, asking questions for which Steve may not necessarily have the answers).

At no point in the story does Nadia ever judge Steve, either before she knows the truth or after Sloane confesses. She senses deeper issues when he leaves, and is reluctant to hate on him as a person even after she confronts Gary. Once she discovers the truth from Sloane, she wastes no time in viewing him as a victim of this situation (which he is!).

On its own, this is great. But what perhaps makes Nadia unique from the other (esp human) characters, is that her empathy isn't restricted to those she is directly attached to, and she doesn't wait to have a deeper connection with Match before wholeheartedly supporting their rights and defending them.

The MC can choose to say similar things and act in a similar manner. But if the player has them respond otherwise, it is Nadia who consistently argues for treating the Matches like the sentient beings...for the persons...that they are. It is Nadia who consistently believes they are worthy of respect and deserve their rights. Anf It is Nadia who is, by default, the most powerful counterpoint to the twisted beliefs of Rowan and Cecile.

Even before Sloane can properly explain Hayden's predicament to a suspicious MC, it is Nadia who realizes that Hayden (and by extension Steve) is innocent. It is Nadia who stands up for Hayden against Damien and Alana, and agrees first to support them. Among the entire group, she is the one who most consistently calls out her friends when they dehumanize and objectify a Match. Even Steve, the Match she loves, is expected to understand this and lend his support to fellow Matches. If he does seem to falter in doing so, she doesn't hesitate to remind him.

This is an approach that most of the group, and most of the "good" characters in the story, follow by the end of the book - but it is clearly Nadia who follows it first, and exemplifies this respect and sensitivity for all sentient beings best.

If Rowan and Cecile are utterly devoid of empathy and humanity, Nadia is the one who is full to the brim with it.

The MC can be credited with changing their minds if they insist that every Match deserves the same respect, the same rights as any human being. But it is Nadia who - in every way, and in almost every scene she is a part of - truly embodies this principle.

At a very important turning point in PM2, Keegan can ask the MC why they care so much about the Matches, why they put themselves at risk for them. The narrative indicates to us that our response changes the way Keegan (who later becomes a powerful union leader for the surviving Matches in the series finale) views not only us but humans as a race. And if the MC treats them with respect and compassion, it allows them to break out of Eros' brainwashing and gaslighting and accept a newer perspective on the world.

--

Tagging @nadiaparkappreciationweek and @sazanes for NPAD!

[dcxdpdabbles]

DC x DP fanfic Idea: Gotham Gossip

Meta-human rights are a touchy topic in Gotham. While the city is known for Batman's view on them, it's also known for Bruce Wayne's viewpoint.

The Dark Knight did not welcome Metas, while the Light Knight worked tirelessly to employ charities and programs to support Metas. Both men- if Batman was a man- influenced Gotham so intensely that their viewpoints became the face of the public.

Even people outside of Gothman learned what "Are you a Dark pawn or a Light pawn?" meant when it was spoken about during national debates.

Really, it was no surprise that Batman and Wayne got caught up in a rather explosive public argument over the subject. Or rather, Wayne yelled at Batman during a hostage situation when his party boat got taken by a group of masked men.

Thankfully, Batman was able to save everyone on board, and although he didn't stick around to argue with Wayne, it was noted that Batman seemed intrigued by a few of Wayne's passionate rants. A few reporters were excited to point out there may be a chance of growth within the vigilante, but it was overshadowed by gossip rags that used this incident to make up a wild rumor of Wayne being a bitter ex with Batman.

This rumor runs for months, with various people posting online proof of a relationship. It sparks debate and anger, with other people responding by fact-checking and countering the "proof." Eventually, the argument moves away from Meta-human rights and falls into celebrity gossip, which has Wayne steaming.

People ignore his passionate activism to better the lives of Metas, only watching his speeches, marches, protests, and donations to various charities to gain new proof of his nonexistent romance that may or may have been in his early twenties when he mysteriously vanished to see the world.

That's when the video comes out.

A young teenager wrote a song parody of what was happening. A soft acoustic guitar accompanied his short words, accusing the masses of caring more about a wealthy man's pants being on or not than the lives of his people.

This young teenager is Danny Fenton, a known meta from a small town in Illinois. This quickly turned into people attacking the boy, who released another song using the hateful comments as new lyrics.

Wayne reposts one of his sons, claiming it a masterpiece, which is when one fan notices the similarities between the two. She makes a post talking about how Wayne and Fenton could be father and son as a joke, expecting people to take it seriously.

Overnight, the internet finds out that Fenton was, in fact, adopted into his current family after being surrendered at a fire station anonymously. More and more people started to notice the similar features between the rich man and the small-town singer until a video of Fenton using his powers was leaked.

Fenton's power is invisibility. This resembles another well-known Gotham dweller who can appear and disappear through the city's shadows. It's not long before Fenton is being called the love child of Batman and Wayne.

It leads to so much media attention and harassment aimed towards Fenton that Wayne steps in. He offers to take a paternity test to finally put the rumors to rest and let the young boy vanish from the limelight (should he stop writing songs).

The only problem?

The test is positive. Wayne is Fenton's biological son. The whole nation loses their minds when it's leaked by a very regrettable intern at the clinic where the test was done. (To be fair, the intern's email was hacked, so when she scanned the papers for herself, they were able to steal them)

Worse, Joker thinks it would be hilarious to kidnap Wayne's newly discovered son and, on live TV, give him another paternity test against Batman. The clown is laughing hysterically while his men prepare the results, only to become more gleeful when it's a match again.

Fenton is the son of both the Dark Knight and the Light Knight. It matters little that Batman's DNA is slightly messed up, as various people already suspected him of not being human.

This just proves Fenton is not a meta-human but rather half-human and whatever the hell Batman is. Joker is having a ball reading out the results, proclaiming he would help Fenton meet his biological grandparents with his one guarantee.

His words are cut off when Fetnon- unknown to the viewing public- escapes his bonds and swings an axe from the emergency fire station inside the aged wearhouse at Joker's neck. The clown collapses to the ground dead, the boy bathed in his blood, and the half-finished joke is cut off by the sound of choking blood etching across every screen in Gotham.

The remaining goons and Fenton stare at each other in stun silence while one is brave enough to rasp. "But Batman doesn't kill."

"Do I look like my absent father to you? Besides, Joker venom is a war crime. I'm within my rights, and if I'm not, I would have killed him again anyway."

Fenton quickly outshines his fathers in the public's eye because no matter where one stood on the Meta Rights, everyone stood on the "Kill the Joker" debate.

[fantastic-nonsense]

"Inej is the main lead of the Six of Crows ensemble cast" I say into the mic. the crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame.

"She's right!" I hear someone say. I look to the crowd. there in the 5th row stands Leigh Bardugo and her marketing team themselves.

[peoplegettingreallymadatghosts]

[empty-movement]

Forget Streaming, Return to Winamp

I hear some of you are getting a little tired of the streaming service gauntlet! Did you know you can play mp3s with Winamp 5.6x, a very old program that plays songs perfectly fine from your PC, where your songs should be? (Newer versions add bullshit, you can decide whether you want that, but you don't.)

Did you know I made several really fucking good Utena Winamp skins? That aren't even on the website anymore because I broke the Multimedia section trying to make it easier to update in 2009? They might even be older than you, dear reader. I show my work hunting through my own website for shit I just forgot was there in a thread on Something Eternal, but if you just want the sauce:

Pictured in the order I made them, the first four are AT LEAST as old as April 2002. The last three were made in 2006 and 2007. All of them are in this 2mb ZIP, a comically small file for content I spent a small fortune hosting back when 2mb was a fucking massive amount of data, lmaaaao.

Enjoy! <3

Edit: Multiple people actually having these reblogging within ten minutes is fucking incredible because they've been off the site for over a decade, man we're really all still fucking here huh

[its-not-nothing]

I'll admit that during s7 and even 8A for a second there I was afraid that Buck and Eddie were acting a bit too much like platonic best friends (with all the goofing around and unseriousness, while the serious scenes usually focused on their other love interests) and it wasn't the right direction to get to canon buddie... But then 8x08 happened and from then on suddenly their scenes were filled with angst and awkwardness and SO much romantic tension!! And for the first time in a while they were directly about them, about their relationship. It was loud. I still can't believe it happened. Honestly, call me a clown if you want but it was the best thing they could've done to set the stage for s9 canon buddie. After this, no way anyone can say that buddie would "feel forced". We've passed the point of no return, now we can get to the good stuff!!

[knightmareross]

*drops here*

[galahadwilder]

I think the brilliance of Ricky September is not just to show that Lindy Pepper-Bean has no empathy. Ricky September’s role in “Dot and Bubble” isn’t just to die, or to show that not everyone in their society is terrible.

Ricky September is the Doctor.

He’s a handsome, flamboyant weirdo who drops out of the sky to save the female lead who is a stranger to him because he’s noticed she’s in trouble.

He’s confident, more confident than makes any sense for his situation; he’s observant, investigating and picking apart the actions of the mantraps the way the Doctor would. He knows history better than anyone around him (though for different reasons than the Doctor would). He’s clever enough to hack a computer that Lindy had just failed to even turn on—sonic screwdriver much?—and then immediately, well. What’s rule #1? The Doctor lies.

The subsequent scene of him trying to open the door? He’s completely undaunted by the unnecessarily complicated code, just fascinated, as he gets down to business. The scene is practically straight out of “42,” the one with the living star and the complicated locks, and he and the Doctor both have the same reaction to the puzzle.

Like the Doctor, Ricky disdains the vapid and self-obsessed society he is part of (though Gallifrey and Finetime are very different), and he grabs the first chance he can to find a companion and run the hell away. He uses a fake name, and his real name is such a terrible secret that its revealing has disastrous consequences.

Hell, watch the mannerisms. He and Gatwa even move their hands the same when they’re in “performance mode.”

In short, Ricky breaks every single standard set by Finetime the exact way the Doctor does, and what does Lindy do? She idolizes him. She treats him like he’s an unparalleled genius, the greatest moment of her life.

If we leave aside the murder for the moment, Ricky’s purpose isn’t just to say, “look how sociopathic Lindy and the rest of Finetime is.” Ricky is there to say, “this is how Finetime would’ve treated the Doctor if he were white.”

[fire-on-fuel]

the most important distinction between boba fett and jango fett is that jango fett grew up on a farm and then in a traveling mandalorian merc clan and boba fett grew up in a city sized lab and then juvie and then every gutter in the galaxy from here to nar shaddaa

[luckthebard]

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about storytelling vs. gameplay in Actual Play and finally had some solid thoughts coalesce around it when looking at Worlds Beyond Number and Thresher.

Thoughts after the cut:

This is going to be a hot take but I think, increasingly, Worlds Beyond Number is not an Actual Play but a collaborative audio novel/drama. While the margins between those things might seem on some level semantic, I think they’re really key for thinking about how Actual Play is different from other kinds of storytelling media. WBN was originally conceived of and advertised as “like the games you run in your living room” but as it has gone on the podcast has moved so far away from that that it is no longer delivering on that original conceit. This does not mean it is bad! I think WBN is actually succeeding more on a storytelling level as it sheds more of its obvious gameplay. But it’s gotten to a point where the game mechanics are either edited out and therefore not central to what is heard by the audience, or incidental to the story being told, which is driven far more by Brennan as the main worldbuilding storyteller than by game mechanics or player action. When a supposed Actual Play has a key narrative episode that finishes with almost 10 minutes of story narrated solely by the GM with no gameplay rolls or mechanics mentioned, of an epic, hugely narratively important combat, in my mind gameplay has taken enough of a backseat to the storytelling process that the podcast is no longer an Actual Play.

And I think we’ve seen an evolution over time of a lot of Actual Plays de-centering game mechanics or the conceit of gameplay in favor of more crafted narrative beats, to both the benefit and detriment of the stories themselves. In Critical Role for example, C1 and C2 in many ways felt more like a D&D game than C3, if only because of the presence of incidental, seemingly narratively insignificant combat moments. As late as late C2 with the Mighty Nein in Aeor, the players were rolling random encounters that had no relation to the larger endgame plot. This led some viewers to complain about pacing, but made other Actual Play enjoyers happy to the extent it showcased game mechanics and allowed character moments to emerge from the combat mechanics themselves, the core gameplay element of D&D. Contrast that to C3, which very early in the episode count did away with “meaningless” incidental combat and pushed forward with a very clear endgame narrative. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that fan engagement with mechanics really fell off in C3, with less meta about what spell or feat choices meant for character development. Similarly, the sunsetting of the CritRoleStats project, while certainly because founders were just busy and had put years into it already and were ready to move on, also was at least somewhat influenced by having less to work with as gameplay mechanics were emphasized less and less at the table in C3.

If you were to look at a lot of the more professional and academic study and critique of Actual Play, you might be convinced that a move away from centering gameplay and above table mechanics discussions was universally good for the medium, as an emphasis on storytelling over gaming would make it more universally accessible. I would posit though that at least some of this comes from the loudest, most professionally credentialed commentators on Actual Play coming from literature backgrounds, and therefore valuing storytelling and narrative over gaming for audience appeal. But I think that misses the gaming audience of Actual Play, who are less and less catered to as the medium becomes more mainstream.

There’s often not a lot of understanding of the appeal of gaming itself as an object of, especially curative, fan obsession, even as sports fandom exists as a huge example of the wide appeal. I am, pretty loudly, a baseball fan as well as a ttrpg and Actual Play fan. In many ways, these things hold similar appeal to me. I am interested in thinking about the game mechanics and action economy of certain character builds and how they fit into party composition in the same way I might obsess over a pitcher’s ERA and arsenal, as well as what his role is in the starting pitcher rotation or the bullpen. I find the prospect of a matchup between, say, Shohei Ohtani and Zack Wheeler appealing in the same way I’m excited about a mechanically strong D&D party fighting a Beholder. Gaming has long been interesting to people not only as something to participate in, but something to study and analyze. Win scenarios, optimal builds, and gameplay tactics are engaging to viewers as well as players. And I think, increasingly, Actual Play productions either forget this or, if the prevalence of editing gameplay out of edited AP is any indication, do not think the gameplay itself is of value or interest to the audience. Published Actual Play scholarship, in my opinion, continues to make this mistake as well. This has led to an increase of productions which are labeled as Actual Play and ostensibly have a gameplay component but are so far removed from watching/listening to people play a game that it is hard to argue that they are still Actual Play.

Which brings me to Thresher. Thresher was brilliant at threading that needle between production, radio drama vibes, and centered and narratively driving gameplay. I am someone who often complains about Actual Play production and editing doing Too Much but I actually loved the costumes and some of the editing gimmicks on Thresher because all of the storytelling and narrative was still so clearly grounded in the gameplay mechanics. Uses of drive mechanics and character abilities were clearly defined even as the audience could hold their breath in a tense horror atmosphere. Mechanics like Turn the Tide and Jasper’s move as the GM to allow the players to pass him secret notes were fantastic ideas to center player choice in crafting the narrative, and let the players surprise each other, leading to big and exciting moments a the table. The storytelling was enhanced by Abubakar’s above table exclamation of “what the fuck is this??” at the end, because it wasn’t just about the story that had unfolded but that his fellow players had surprised both him and the GM by using their game mechanic options to change the direction of the narrative and the condition of the story. I would love for more Actual Play to remember the value of the audience seeing that or being in on the extra-narrative elements of gameplay that shape story. Not all Actual Play needs to be the same, but I think we’ve lost something in the medium as a whole recently with a shift away from visible mechanics and toward streamlined, almost audio drama style story that just happens to have scaffolding from a tabletop roleplaying game.

[smollkittykat]

Don't mind me I'm just thinking about when Bullseye attacked the police precinct and almost killed Foggy and when Bullseye threw something at Foggys face and that son of a bitch did not even flinch because he knew that Matt would protect him.

Matt catches whatever it was fucking inches from his face and Foggy Nelson doesn't even have the gall to even look at Matt. He's not surprised, he's not bewildered.

He looks like the owner of a trained attack dog and they both know that Matt is about to pounce.

[zarnzarn]

i see all these comments talking about this after the new episode, but. i would like to state for the record that stolitz isn't. toxic.

first off, the concept of a toxic and a healthy relationship are such... vague terms. when you're online, drenched in language and tight moral boundaries, trying to put a nuanced story like helluva boss's into boxes is easy to attempt and impossible to do.

a toxic relationship is one where one or both parties is maliciously affecting the other. I'm talking fetid, nasty, rude interactions where there is more hurt than love. they're unhappy more often than not when they're with their partner, there's no respect or give from the other side.

stolitz is nothing like that.

Stolas actively cares about Blitz and actually has no fear or hesitation in ADMITTING IT OUT LOUD TO OZZIE. he has been calling, texting, commenting, laughing and finding ways to spend time with Blitz. he's throwing everything he has to the wind, finding the courage to move forward with the divorce, putting everything he has into trying to keep him. he's been alone in a palace since he was born, on medication, with such less people dear to him that he remembered the circus boy who spent a day with him DECADES ago- so when blitz comes into his life and brings back in laughter and color and sex, he's holding on with everything he's got.

and blitz does care!!! he cares a LOT, the whole series we see him falling in love with stolas through SHOW NOT TELL (his expressions, his choices, his fear, his lashing out) and utterly unable to process that stolas cares about him too when talking to fizz; almost a desperate kind of denial-

cause yknow. the first time he tried to confess something to someone he really liked, he accidentally killed half the people he knew and ruined the lives of the rest?

thats gonna leave just a teensy impact on the will to express your emotions in the future, methinks.

even before that, he clearly felt like on some level that he was unworthy and he's said twice that he despises himself for the accident even though it wasn't actually his fault. being self aware doesn't stop the emotions from emotioning.

he keeps insisting its only sex so urgently to anyone who doesn't ask because he can't even imagine it being anything else. he's both disappointed and relieved when he repeats that stolas sees him as a novelty, because what else can it be?

(there's a whole other spiel of how brave both Stolas and Blitz have to be to say it out loud even when asmodeus can't afford to, considering how publically and completely beaten down both were at the club.)

(there's also another whole spiel about how frustrating it has been for ME to see all these comments over time with such bad takes based on like,, 20 min worth of info of a show that takes months to release an ep. like godDAMN have some patience?? let the story UNFOLD MAYBE? IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE AN EXPLANATION WHY WOULD YOU CRITICIZE THINGS THAT ARENT EVEN FINISHED ESPECIALLY AN INDIE ANIMATION- i digress)

mind you, this has NOTHING to do with abuse. an abusive relationship is one where one is actively harming the other with full awareness. Stella is an abuser and their marriage is abusive.

and stolitz isn't that; it isn't even unhealthy or toxic. it's a consensual, transactional fuckbuddy relationship that slid into something more for both of them.

but!!!!! one of the main reasons for the problems that everyone looks over is-

they're in a BDSM relationship.

I can't possibly delve into dynamics without making this a 10k research paper BUT even though we've gotten only hints and costumes and dialogue- they're very clearly and undeniably in a BDSM contract. Behind the scenes of this crazy show is a whole different story, of these two delving into the most hardcore kinks out there- knifeplay, painplay, bondage.

if you've gotten into the community, if you've read a couple dozen particularly good fics by authors who know what they're talking about, hell; even if your only experience is fifty shades or 365 or whatever- you gotta know that BDSM scenes are crazy fucking emotionally heavy. there's so much that has gone down between them during their full moons that helluva can't get into!!

but you know how in so many of these popular medias and fics, the dom in the relationship is also like,, the billionaire/mafia heir/prince, etc, the one with financial and physical power? this isnt that. it has been very clearly stated that stolas is subbing, blitz is domming.

now take a moment and think about how much that fucks up the dynamics.

in stolas' eyes, blitz is a confident, dangerous individual who's an old friend and cherished memory of his, who he's trusted wholly with his safety during sex and he's lucky to have; and he has been in an abusive arranged marriage for the past eighteen Years, he's probably not going to be pushing his luck with his dom that much in the first place. plus, blitz is never cowed by him during their conversations- think back to the first phone call right after he stole the book, completely unafraid.

and for blitz, it's someone trusting him again- but it's also a royal- a blue blood who's nearly untouchable and so much more powerful- who couldn't possibly like a piece of shit like him, apart from the sex he gets out of it. he only flirts once he gets some sort of cue from Stolas; he's desperately trying to view this as only a Goetia trying to get his rocks off, despite all the evidence to the contrary, because anything else is unfathomable to him, no matter how clearly Stolas shows it, because of the ptsd.

both of them thinks the other has the power. both of them aren't expecting the other to keep shut if something's bothering them.

and there's so much conflicting messages from the other too!

stolas calls him a plaything when trying to intimidate the humans; stolas cups his face gently and asks if he's alright

blitz asks him on a date and tells him to get better soon; blitz yells that it's only sex and doesn't reply to his messages

ya see?

bring it to fizzozzie for a second now; even though they do look all good on surface, you can still see fizz's trauma and doubt in all their interactions, they're still forced to keep the relationship secret. do you see his face when Ozzie says in hyperbole that he's never leaving the house again, or when someone accuses him of being a pampered house pet or when he got sexualized in the 7th ep? whatever happened in the interim between the accident with mammon, it fucked him UP. even though oz seems to be well aware of this when he tells him not to apologise and in their general interactions, fizz still visibly has trouble separating plaything/commodity from healthy relationship.

shout the fuck out to Ozzie btw, man knows whats UP. rooting for these two so much omg.

i forgot where I was going with this point, I'll edit it when i remember. but yeah! lovely fucking relationship, but damn what angst filled issues.

anyway, to sum up- stolitz is not a toxic relationship. the relationship is stuck sludging through misunderstandings and careless microaggressions and trauma responses, but it's not unhealthy or toxic because of the simple reason that most of the current hurt comes from... a misunderstanding. stolas didn't realise blitz would need reassurance about what they were and blitz didn't see stolas as someone who could get hurt.

unecessarily calling it toxic, even online, is more impactful than people think too. almost all spindlehorse ARE on all social medias; so MANY YouTube animators i know have found jobs there; they see your words, especially since a lot don't tag posts with "anti hb" correctly to keep them out of the main tag. there are Very few queer medias made BY queer people that haven't gone through heavy corporate revisions- helluva boss is practically a historical landmark in its success. it's very very very fucking easy to forget that not ten years ago some of the only queer videos on YouTube were butter lover (one kiss at the end post credits), dirty paws and welcome to hell (subtext).

the amount of "critical talk" helluva boss gets for what it is is very unprecedented. it's a beautiful show. can't wait for the next episode.

[peoplegettingreallymadatghosts]

I gotta say I read this post in a Madagascar Penguin sort of voice

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Dean's nothing about our lives is real speech? When he says "everything we are is because of chuck"? He was speaking privately & directly to Castiel when he said that.

Not to Sam. Not everything I am. Everything we are. Dean was having a full on crisis.

"You asked, 'What about all of this is real?' We are." Dean didn't know how right Cas was.

Like no baybee. It'll take 15 episodes, but god himself will tell you Cas defied him and his plan to love you, actually.

[nekropsii]

Meat!Roxy was crazy because the evidence for Roxy being Transfeminine - not Trans generally, Transfeminine SPECIFICALLY - has been there since her introduction. And the reading of her being Transfeminine has been enhancing her character since… You know, her introduction.

Roxy being a Trans Girl has been one of the most widely accepted Transfem headcanons I’ve ever seen. It was very difficult to deny it, and even harder to deny the power that a Transfeminine reading for both Kanaya and Roxy gave to the scene where Roxy gives her the Matriorb she took so much time and effort to steal from Nothingness.

The ability to be a mother handed to someone grieving their literal biological inability to have it… It’s powerful. It’s even more powerful if this is someone who knows where that pain is coming from intimately, and the alleviation of that dysphoria brings nothing but better things to the world at such a large scale. From one Trans Girl to another - here is the ability to be a mother, and to use that motherhood to help bring your entire race back from extinction. With the Transfem reading, this scene has brought me to actual tears. It enhances it so much.

So, like, what was the point of all that they did in the Meat Route? It wasn’t for greater character development, most everyone agrees it only did bad things for Roxy’s character. Spite? Is that it?

[glazedcroissant]

they have been living in my head rent free, so I had to draw some doodles to get them out. @post-it-notes7 you have contaminated me with them, lol /pos