#continuing to be alive and in a writing rut

[carbonfiction]

Jackson sunsets

Just a little first time joel miller blurb in an attempt to get me back into writing. been hit big time with writers block and a bunch of other stuff lately but i crave this man (and his damn brother) carnally. Lmk what you think <33 ps im working on asks slowly but surely! Love seeing what you guys share w me!

Masterlist- Warnings?: hints at thigh/lap grinding, kissing, cheeky neck smooch- just soft slightly suggestive stuff. Honestly super fuckin tame for me lmaooo

The chair rocks gently with weight, joel first and you perched into his lap. His fixed up guitar propped against the railing from earlier use. Hours spent teaching you cords he could remember, throaty hums filling the air as you'd began picking the movements up.

Its nice, you think, to spend time with Joel like this. Quiet, unhurried, moments that serve as a reminder you're both still alive. Still together, despite it all. The wo of you now watching the world go by as the sun sets. The chill of the season changing begining to creep into your bones.

Another cool breeze making you shiver slightly as it combines with the careful brush of joels lips on your neck as he nuzzles in slightly. The brush of his peppered facial hair tickling as he smirks against the soft skin.

But then, and you're so very sure Joels doing this on purpose, he bounces his leg. Careful and calculated as it rocks you forward, the seam of your sweats knotching so deliciously at your center. Again.

He's been at it for far too long, offering those intermittent little jolts, guiding you along the meat of his lap. You can feel the slick glide of your cunt against the fabric of your panties with each shift. Building, sparking need growing like hunger in your belly.

"S' the matter?" he eventually murmers quietly. He sounds smug more than concerned, like he knows the exact way he's been torturing you the last half hour at least- And he does, perhaps more than you care to register.

Yet you swallow, putting in the effort to keep your voice steady. An attempt at nonchalance. "Nothin, M' fine, why?"

You feel hot, too hot, considering the light flurries of snow that begin to coat the surrounding trees.

"You sure it aint nothin peach?" he continues, a brow raised while a large rough hand squeezes at your waist. His voice wavers just a little too amused for it not to be purposeful. "Cause you're breathin pretty heavy, pulse is thrummin n' those cheeks are gettin so warm i can feel em from here. Gettin cold?"

He shifts you again as he pulls you deeper into his arms under the guise of warmth. Jostling you forward a little deeper until you rut against both the curve of his plaid covered stomach and the chubbed crotch of his own denims. The evidence of his own arousal and the barley there friction making your eyes flutter, throat choked on a muted groan. "You're s-such an asshole"

"Yeah.." Joel huffs, head nodding slow in honest agreement. His chapped lips quirked as he nips then soothes the spot below your ear. "but I'd bet it feels real good dont it.. sounded like it, gaspin all pretty like that"

He doesnt give you a moment to respond, to catch your breath or even think, let alone nod. Joels voice dropping into a deep drawl as his lips instead meet yours. Pillowy flesh melding, enjoying the taste of him, the tang of the whiskey he drank earlier still clinging. His tongue slowly making its way across your lower lip for one last drag before he pulls sway just enough to speak. "How bout we head inside 'n see what other sounds i can get you makin.. That soundin like a plan sugar?"

[mostly-marvel-musings]

Don’t catch feelings

A/N: For @elixirfromthestars ‘s Writing Challenge Thank you for hosting the best writing challenges 💛 Leave a heart, comment or reblog if you enjoyed reading!

Pairing: Tony Stark x F! Reader

Warning: 18+ smut, angst. This ain’t a healthy relationship folks. This Tony isn’t your sweet, adorable, loveable Tony.

Prompts used: 🍫 ✩｡⋆⸜ "They warned me about you, I should have listened."

🏛...✩ I am never going to be over you. — Scandal

Tony Stark Masterlist

Don’t catch feelings. He’s a notorious heartbreaker & he won’t be the one who would end up getting hurt once it’s all over.

This was a mantra that was on loop in your mind, constantly, a warning that the rational part of your brain issued religiously. One that heart chose to ignore, time and time again.

He was everything you could ever want, and yet everything you could never have. Someone capable of giving you the world and capable of completely destroying it too.

That was the kind of power Tony Stark had.

You were merely a distraction, a seat filler for someone who’d left him a broken shell of a man. A place you were content being in, for some time. Until you caught feelings.

Feelings for a man who was so far lost in his genius mind, he seemed unable to find his way out. The Avengers had been at the crossroads, the Sokovia Accords broke the team, sides were chosen. Pepper Potts had left him & that just seemed like the straw that broke the camel’s back.

The forlorn genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist had found somewhat of a temporary solace in you. And you were there for him. In every way you could be.

“You're trembling. Is it the anticipation or just me?" His words broke you out of your reverie as your body instantly reacted to his touch, skin alive with goosepimples as his fingers trailed down your bare back.

You weren’t facing him in bed, you couldn’t when your mind was running a mile a minute. You hated the fact that a simple touch could make your body react in such a way. It belonged to Tony. You belonged to Tony.

Which is why when he tugged your shoulder to make you lay on your back, you did, and dutifully spread your legs when he crawled between them.

“You're mine tonight. Don't even think about leaving." He murmured, lips against your stomach as if reading your racing mind.

His touch was tender as his fingers danced along your soft and warm skin, lips trailing along a well-rehearsed path as your eyes closed and you surrendered yourself to his ministrations once again.

Paying attention to your pert breasts, he tweaked your nipples till they hardened into buds, your breaths now coming out as shallow huffs. You knew he was ready to go again by the way you felt his rapidly stirring cock that sat against his thigh, occasionally brushing with the inside of your thigh.

Fingers finding his short hair, you tugged on them firmly as Tony kissed his way up your neck, sucking on your skin, marking it as his. His cock leaked precum against your leg as he continued, his hips rutted subtly.

“Tony, please..” you breathed, already drunk on him as your arousal gathered between your legs, desire unfurling deep within your belly.

"I know exactly what you want, and I'm going to give it to you." He smirked, snaking a hand between your bodies to cup your sex.

You let out a gasp as his finger intruded your slick channel, another one joining in as soon as he got the reaction he’d hoped for. Your hips moved on their own accord as Tony continued to pleasure you.

Broken or not, Tony was a generous lover. He paid attention to your needs and wasn’t shy about asking for his.

And yet you wanted more. Your heart yearned for more than just a random fuck despite knowing you wouldn’t. It wasn’t too hard to fall for Tony Stark, in fact, it was probably the easiest thing you had ever done. A bright future with the man seemed like a distant dream and yet you continued to fantasise on.

Bringing yourself back to reality again, you found Tony’s mouth hovering over your clit, his fingers still working their way to your orgasm. Eyes darkened with lust, his tongue peeked out for a taste of you.

“You taste so sweet, Y/N.”

You could only moan in response, the assault bringing you closer to the edge as your walls fluttered around him, desperate for more.

You came hard against mouth, crying out his name like a prayer while your heart pounded against your chest.

In that blurry haze, you barely registered him rolling on a condom over his length and settling between your legs once more, claiming your mouth in a searing kiss.

“Want me to fuck you, baby?” His hoarse breath was hot against your ear as he parted your legs further, lining up his cock to your entrance, teasing and waiting for you to beg.

Nodding, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer in hopes that he’d give you what you both checked into this expensive hotel for.

Taking pity on you, Tony slipped into your wet heat, letting out a grunt of satisfaction as your bodies connected.

He began moving, head dropped against your shoulder, his pubic bone brushed against your clit with every move. You felt your second orgasm building gradually but he pulled out of you abruptly, flipping you over so you were on your stomach.

Tony then wasted no time in taking what he needed. Slipping into you once again, he snapped his hips against yours in urgency, fingers digging into your skin deep enough to leave marks. This felt different, something that leaned more towards pain than pleasure. Gripping the sheets beneath you, you cried into the pillow, your voice muffled against the fabric.

You weren’t unaware about this sudden flip, it happened more often than not these days. You felt used, an outlet meant for his pleasure alone and yet you allowed this to continue. Because you were addicted. Addicted to the pleasure and pain. Addicted to Tony Stark.

His grunts filled the room as you felt him twitch inside, knowing he wouldn’t last longer now. Tears sprung to your eyes as his cock speared into you, you wanted nothing more than to get out of there to save yourself from breaking.

Tony came with a loud moan, emptying his seed inside the condom as his hips stilled, his forehead resting against your shoulder as caught his breath.

“This has to stop.” He breathed, making your heart stop for a moment. His words didn’t match his actions as he was still holding you close, still connected.

“What do you mean?” You were too afraid to hear the answer.

“I can’t do this anymore, Y/N. I’m not what you want, trust me.”

If only he knew how wrong he was.

“I know you, Y/N. I know that you…I know.” He couldn’t bring himself to say the words. He was well aware of your feelings.

“Tony, I—”

“Don’t say it. Please. You shouldn’t.”

You scrambled away after he pulled out and went to clean himself, gathering your clothes to get the hell out of there as quick as you could.

“They warned me about you. I should’ve listened.” Your tears burned against your cheek now, and you did nothing to hide them, wanting Tony to see the heartbreak he’d caused.

He saw it all, and did nothing to stop you. The part of you that fell in love with this man secretly hoped he would stop you, fight for you and say it’d all be okay.

“I’m never going to be over you.” You whispered right before walking out of the door, slamming it shut behind you, leaving Tony Stark for good.

[a-d-nox]

retrograde transits: venus rx edition

just as a reminder this retrograde is an opportunity to refine your true wants and needs, clear out old baggage (romantic and physical if you are a maximalist like i talk about in my retrograde post a while ago), and embrace authentic love and self-worth. venus retrograde helps you slow down and redefine what truly sparks joy (marie kondo moment lol).

as quick run down - other general and common experiences during this time: delays in you love life and in relationships, insecurity / struggles with self-worth (get those affirmations going), aesthetic changes, and/or social discomfort (again don't be afraid to set a "marker" for yourself during this time).

note: every retrograde brings up different lessons/challenges based on the planet, the sign (i will cover this next week), and the house. this is a general post that can be applied to any venus retrograde.

paid reading options: astrology menu & cartomancy menu

enjoy my work? help me continue creating by tipping on ko-fi or paypal. your support keeps the magic alive!

1h

you might feel disconnected from your self - dysmorphia is common during this time. you might doubt your beauty and general attractiveness - you may compare yourself to others or generally struggle with self-worth. you might experiment with a different look (whatever you don't cut your hair) but still feel dissatisfied. people may feel they see you less because withdrawal is common.

2h

time to do a check in on your values and self-esteem. prompt - is your self-worth based on external validation? do you equate love with material wealth / what you receive from others? you may face financial insecurity - such as regretting past purchases - especially if your spending is often due to "retail therapy". you might feel dissatisfied with what you have. this could be due to your aesthetic not matching who you are anymore.

3h

you may have increased difficulty expressing love or you may feel generally misunderstood in conversations (please don't text your ex). which might cause you to withdraw socially - small talk / social interaction will likely feel exhausting. you might see a shift in how you speak, write, or even the way you carry yourself. social awkwardness occur - which will make group settings / gatherings feel unnatural and/or uncomfortable.

4h

time to reflect on your childhood and how your family dynamics shaped your approach to love. prompt - do you feel safe when expressing affection/feelings? were you taught that love is conditional? you may feel emotionally distant or disconnected from family members, especially if you are noticing old wounds. you may feel a strong desire to change your home environment - this could be redecorating, decluttering, or even finding a new space...

5h

your relationships may feel uncertain or even unfulfilling. past romantic partners or unrequited lovers may resurface, which will force you to confront unresolved emotions. you may experience a loss of joy in your favorite creative activities - you may feel blocked, uninspired, and/or "in a rut".

6h

your self-care routine or style may seem as though they aren't “working” anymore. work relationships may feel uncomfortable - perhaps you'll notice hidden tensions or feel unappreciated. you might be re-thinking diets (please talk with your doctor before doing anything rash), fitness routines, and/or self-care habits. you may need to slow down and focus on internal self-worth rather than external appearances.

7h

major relationship evaluations. if you're single, you might be reflecting on past lovers or why certain relationships didn’t work. if you are in a relationship, there could be a sense of distance or uncertainty. you may feel misunderstood or unappreciated by your partner, or be questioning if they truly align with what you value. if you have trust issues, this transit might test and exposes your insecurities and fears about love.

8h

past traumas may re-surface, thereby forcing you to confront deep-seated fears about intimacy and vulnerability. prompt - do you trust your partner emotionally and physically? money issues may arise, particularly in shared resources (shared resources might not be easily separated)...

9h

you might end up questioning what you believe about love and beauty. you could notice where societal expectations have influenced your own desires. you might feel the urge to step back and re-evaluate your goals before moving forward in relationships.

10h

you could feel unrecognized in your career or start questioning whether your professional path aligns with what you value. it could be time to re-evaluate you public image. prompt - do you present yourself authentically, or do feel you've been wearing a mask to fit societal expectations? your love life and career could clash during this time - perhaps your work obligations cause you to neglect a relationship.

11h

you might feel out of place in social groups/events - it's time to realize that certain friendships may no longer align with your values (it's okay to grow apart). social functions and obligations may feel overwhelming or cause you to feel disconnected from others. you could also end up questioning your long-term goals. prompt - are you chasing goals based on external validation, or do they truly make you feel fulfilled?

12h

this transit will likely drag out long buried emotions. could be feeling unseen, unloved, and/or disconnected from relationships. pay attention to your dreams for subconscious messages that may highlight unresolved wounds. it is time to let go of self-sabotaging relationship patterns and embracing self-love.

have ideas for new content? please use my “suggest a post topic” button!

return to nox's guide to metaphysics

return to the masterlist of transits

© a-d-nox 2025 all rights reserved

[yoonia]

🖋️ I'm not sure if you ever made any plans on continuing The Forsaken, but if it's possible, may I request a snippet of Taehyung finding y/n and getting to know that she is having a baby? I'm also curious to know why or how Taehyung was stuck in that cave, so maybe you can give us some clues about it and why he wanted to keep y/n with him in the cave?

Happy birthday, Dia. You are an amazing writer. I love how you always make your stories and characters come alive. keep writing and please keep being you 💜

Thank you for loving Siren Tae!

You know, I've thought about continuing the story from time to time and tried to think of an idea for it, but nothing ever worked. That's why it remains what it is now. Maybe because I never planned it to continue in the first place? Not sure. But your questions have sparks my inspiration that not only have I made a moodboard for this, the ficlet that I planned out for this simply grew into its own fic hahaha

So thank you for sparking my inspiration back to life just when I felt stuck in a rut. Here's your moodboard as my gift, while the accompanying fic will be posted separately and linked below 💜

— 𝕿𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖘 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕾𝖊𝖆 — “You were here when she was born, weren’t you?” you ask him, “I felt you.”  You did. The night your baby was born, you felt intense fear washing over you. Yet for some reason, you could almost hear him, serenading a tune from the open sea until you found your courage, and the sense of calmness came over you until she was born into the world.  With an amused smile on his face, Taehyung nods. “I came at her call. She was singing for me right before she came into the world.”  Your eyes grow wide. “She…sang?”  Again, he nods. “But I heard nothing,” you murmur with a wonder. His gaze softens as he recalls that night. “She needed me. She wanted to let me know that she was arriving,” he says, telling you a tale of your child’s birth from his point of view. “It was your magic that saved me, freed me from the curse which bound me to the cave, but it was her magic that gave me the power to find you both across the sea.”  Tears form in your eyes as you picture him finding the strength to swim across the ocean just to find you, all because of the baby’s magic pulling him all the way here.  "I have always been singing to her since she came to the world, just like I have been singing for you since the day you left.”  Tears continue to fall as you look back on those nights when you kept hearing those humming tunes. His voice.  — original: The Forsaken by @yoonia

Thank you again for joining the event and for sending this in, love! And thank you for being here through my writing journey 💜 as my final gift, here's a song to accompany this lovely piece:

𝖙𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖎��𝖍𝖙 𝖋𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖆𝖉𝖊: dia's birthday bash 2024 ⇝ closed!

[illicien]

What drew you to winterbaron as a ship? What kind of content do you read? Is it different from the kind of content you write? Would you like to rec a few winterbaron works? My friend is into the ship and I'm trying to see if it's something I might like but all the fics they've recked me are kind of the same in tone so I'm looking for others opinions for some variety.

Hmm! I've sort of answered some of this in the past so sorry to my moots getting this rehash.

A friend of mine dragged me into WinterBaron (kicking and screaming!!!) rather simply, actually, though what kept me here was the more grand implications of her simple origins. I'm kind of a sucker for a true power bottom, and fanart my friend kept sending me implied the fandom saw Zemo as such, and I was at least a little bit intrigued there. Enough to take a deeper look, at least.

The better discovery wasn't that the fandom had decided he was a power bottom, but that there was a strong push and pull of power in their dynamic. Bucky has all the physical power between them, it's a big thing, he's strong as hell. On the other hand, Zemo is just a guy, and yet despite that Bucky should logically have all the power between them, Zemo's intelligence and knowledge tend to leave him with an edge. That continues to be the fascinating concept about Zemo to me, but that's a different matter.

So for me, it's the manipulation, the push and pull of power, it's Bucky trying to break free of being the Winter Soldier and Zemo trying to decide if Bucky's just like every other super soldier. But it's also about understanding that Zemo knows Bucky in ways most people alive don't. He knows and understands Bucky's history as the Winter Soldier both through his research, and as a man who did horrific things on behalf of his country. And that thought can sometimes lead to softer moments of understanding, I think, that can be enjoyable in fic.

As for content I read vs write: I generally gravitate towards dark fic with these two, though there's plenty of really good stuff that isn't. There are some excellent explorations of kink in the fandom for them which is refreshing. I don't really write them as dark as I read them, since I enjoy writing the power dynamics more than the overt manipulation, but if you're looking for more tonal variety I'm sure I can make some recommendations! (Under the cut!)

** Please make sure you read all of the tags thoroughly. What I enjoy in fiction may not be to your taste, and I respect that, but the best I can do is to link to the site with the tags. 💜

Recs (under 20k words)

Just A Little More by @six-demon-bag epitomizes a lot of what I've said above, and if I didn't start out with it on the list here I'd be doing myself a disservice for how often I reread this.

Bucky goes into a painful rut and Zemo seizes the opportunity to sink newer, more subtle hooks into him.

Breathless by @zsparz is one I like to return to whenever I'm looking to feel sad but don't have a lot of time to read. I can't explain why this one hits me so hard but holy smokes does it make me weepy. Sparz is great at making me cry, though, so like - anyway.

The water kept rising. Bucky could hold his breath a long time underwater, and he remembered vividly how he’d acquired that knowledge. Sam might find him in time.

But Zemo would be long dead by then.

Past Indiscretions by @sagegarnish makes me laugh, genuinely. The whole idea of it brings me a lot of joy, and the execution is delightful.

Bucky and Zemo are trapped in 1941.

Unfortunately Bucky's past self is the only one who might know where the missing Pym Particles are that they need to get home.

When young!Bucky pulls Zemo into an alley, Bucky is forced to watch as a drunken forgotten night from his past becomes a lot clearer.

Recs (20k+ words)

That Which You Fear by @spintwinwb is a trilogy that starts off feeling like an AU and turns into something really fascinating imo. Lots of extra goodies here for comics fans, too.

Instead of freeing the people of Westview, Wanda pushed out across multiverses to get her brother back, and the entire world was caught in the crossfire. Cast in a new, peaceful life in upstate New York in a world with mutants, no Avengers, and no HYDRA, Bucky Barnes struggles to reconcile memories and dreams that no longer make sense with what he thinks he knows about himself.

One Two Many by @six-demon-bag is sweet and fun and complicated, and I really did try not to double-up on authors here but agh. What am I supposed to do??

Bucky and Zemo meet on an anonymous dating app and find a deep connection in each other. In the meantime, they grow closer in person without realizing they’re falling in love online too.

Too Good To Be True by AnadoraBlack is really one of those fics where the tropes are used so well, imo. A very enjoyable read.

Bucky wakes up with no recollection of where he is, how he found himself there, and what the heck is going on. There's also a ring on his finger, and time lost. What the living FUCK?!

The Original Sin by @zsparz because I might as well completely fail at the "only one per author" in spectacular fashion. This sits here because it sits on a very peculiar line between canon and AU and just... like I said. Sparz makes me cry. This isn't a departure from that fact.

Bucky and Zemo keep meeting over the course of several lifetimes. Zemo remembers everything. Bucky doesn’t, but there’s an eerie impression of familiarity he can’t shake — an old pain he can’t explain, with roots too deep for him to reach.

AU Recs

Removing Bucky and Zemo from the context of their complicated history in the MCU can highlight different aspects of their characters that are really interesting to explore, as someone who finds their unique characters quite interesting as well, though I also know it isn't for everyone. Neither of these recs are short so if you don't mind an AU, set some time aside for these ones.

It Started Out With a Curse by Thorny is a fun AU I never really expected to find in this fandom. I personally have a history of writing in fantasy settings so this one has a special place in my heart.

What happens when the King and Queen of a human kingdom slight a powerful fae Lord known only as "The Baron"?

Enter a world of FairyTale/Fantasy Shenanigans as Prince James navigates his deadly curse and his confusing feelings for one (seemingly) cold and untouchable fae Lord. Meanwhile, something sinister is afoot trying to gouge a rift between the feywilds and the human kingdoms...

A Gentleman and a Scholar by EternalBeta is a no powers exploration of their dynamic that's... Beautiful. It also tackles a lot of things about kink that it feels like most fic and stories generally seem to ignore. There's also an amazing sequel series.

(this series doesn't have an easy summary available so I uh... I'll give it a go here: college student Bucky has a thing for his professor, and a whole series of bad decisions behind him. The trouble is, Bucky is impatient, and Professor Zemo doesn't fuck students. So Bucky better hurry up and graduate.)

Many of the writers above have at least a few WinterBaron fics, and I do highly recommend checking out their collections. Sparz and Six-Demon in particular have some really widely varied concepts and stories they tackle, and if you're curious at all I'd also recommend checking out Sholio who has some excellent Sam/Bucky/Zemo fics! I didn't toss recs here because they weren't the heart of the ask, but I gobbled those up easily for some very sweet treaties.

[anastasiabowe]

Hiii! Hope you had a very warm and quiet Christmas! Coming back, I think I have to thank you on behalf of every member in knb's Fandom for keeping it alive, so thank you🙏. My request is if you could possibly do something, whatever you feel like doing, about a bratty/ sub Kise with a fem reader that just knows how to treat him? From pegging to bandage, whatever is more comfortable! Thank youuu and happy new year ❤️

𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗡𝗘𝗘𝗗 — Kise tested every last bit of patience you had today, but don’t worry, bad behavior doesn’t go unnoticed.

note: I literally have NEVER wrote anything like this so if it’s bad, oh well! But, thank you so much anon! You helped me push myself into writing something new, and I’m proud of it! Love youu!

Content warnings: swearing, bondage, pegging, mommy kink, dom reader, anal, hand job, pussy eating, face sitting, praise kink, anything else ofc!

“Kise.” Your warning tone sent a shiver down his spine. He was arched over, hands tied behind his back and you were sitting behind him cupping his dick and smacked his ass as he tried to rut into your hand.

“S-sorry!” He cried out at the pain, and you rubbed the growing red mark.

“Just quit moving.” He wanted to move so bad, wanted to push himself in your cock, trench his hole to its limit, but you were taking your sweet time.

You went from cupping his dick to squeezing its base, and Kise nearly lost his balance at the glorious pressure.

You pinch his thigh, obviously he could t control that convulse, but he still shouldn’t be moving so much.

You grab your strap and tighten the rope so it fit snug and secure around your curves. Muses heard the fabric rub against each other as you tightened the straps. He wanted to fuck himself in you, but again, he can’t.

After many minutes of Oreo before hand, you deemed him ready for the world shattering fuck he was about to receive.

You grab the base of your cock, and bring it up to his hole. You slowly pushed it in, making him ass squeeze and try to push the toy out, no matter how many times you try this. You grab kise’s hand to comfort him, and you continued to push in. Eventually you pushed all the way in, and Kise whimpered in slight discomfort m, luckily not pain.

“How are you feeling?” You rubbed his lower back, and he flipped his head towards you.

“Good! So good!” He wiggled his butt. You smiled, and grabbed both of his cheeks and press them, so you could get a better view.

You pulled out slightly and slowly pushed in until you found a good rhythm.

“Hah-hah-hah-hah.” Kise panted as you kept prodding his prostrate with the toy.

“Mmm, yeah? Feels good?” You grabbed his hips, and fucked him onto your cock.

“Y-yes, mommy!” He was pushing himself onto your cock, and you felt your high coming, despite any foreplay for you. Seeing Kise at your fingertips did something to you.

“W-who makes you feel like this?” You asked him, he moaned and his voice quivered.

“Y-y-you, mom-mommy!”

“Whose asshole is this?”

“Y-yours!”

You praised him for his response, all good boys deserve to hear good things!

You leaned over a bit on Kise, and grabbed his dick.

You quickly pumped his dick, causing him to let out chocked noises from the sudden double pleasure.

“Cum for me.” You commanded.

Kise nodded his head continuously as he came over your hand and bed sheets.

“C-cumming!” He announced as he kept coming and coming.

Hearing his whimpers and cries form overstimulation sent you to your end as well.

“G-good boy! M-mommy’s coming!” You slowed your thrusts, and slowly pulled out the toy from his ass. You quickly flip him over, and sit I. His face, hand still on his dick.

He instantly started slurping up your cunt, sending you officially over the end.

“Good boy, good boy, good boy!” You repeatedly praised him as you came all over his face.

He didn’t stop until you pulled yourself off of him. You soon untied him, and got him cleaned up, you quickly put a towel over the area he came on, and laid with him as he came down from the intense pleasure he just endured.

“Did so good for me.” You softly praised once more. Kise hugged your waist even tighter and giggled a little,

“I-I know.”

[sturnioz]

hi baby

please don’t apologise or feel guilty for feeling like you’re losing interest in the triplets. i feel like a lot of us especially at the moment with the lack of content (this is no hate to the triplets, i know they’ve just got back off tour and travelling etc) feel the same way. i kinda felt the same back in feb / march time, i got hyper fixated on something else and stopped watching the triplets content for a few weeks but because i’d built an au up over months i felt an intense pressure mentally to keep forcing myself to write because i loved writing and also because i knew people were waiting for me to continue writing but if i can offer any advice (which is what personally helped me) was to step back completely from writing for a little while because taking that step back from it made me start to miss it, i still answered asks when i felt like it to keep the au going but taking that pressure off of myself to write prompts / longer works worked wonders 😌 i in no way at all want to tell you what to do (i’m rubbish with wording so i hope this doesn’t come across that way at all) i just want to offer some advice for when i was in a similar rut.

put yourself first always and do what feels best for YOU!!! this is your blog at the end of the day!!! hopefully the triplets’ content will pick back up soon and you’ll get that spark back for them and if you don’t get it back, that’s totally okay too.

sending you all the love in the world always and i hope you feel better angel girl 🤍

yeah ofc, no hate towards the triplets at all. i've mentioned i'll always have love for them in some way, but the lack of content and slowly not being entertained by them anymore is such a sickly feeling. but i will be honest, my interest started fading just a bit before the tour started and i mainly blamed it on my mental health which isn't really the best, but i think cos i had no distractions cos unfortunately the triplets weren't doing as much as they did, it started fading a lot faster.

i really do like your advice, and i may take a step back from writing (or at least write when i feel like writing instead of forcing myself too which, honestly, i've been doing these past few weeks). i'll probably still answer asks regarding the au to still keep it alive in my thoughts cos i truly do mean it when i say it love the au.

but thank you soooo so so so much for your kind words and your advice my sweet angel. i'm hoping the triplets content will pick up too so i can bring that spark back.. i love you, thank you <3

[captain039]

PART 6 Predator grounds (Cooper Howard)

Alpha!Cooper Howard (pre-war)x omega!reader

Alpha!Cooper Howard (The Ghoul) x omega!reader

Warnings: AOB dynamics, vault tech things, forced heats/ruts, eventual smut, age gap, angst? Experiments, needles, drugs, talks of pregnancy, first times, anxiety attacks, anxiety, forced claiming, mentions of rape, plus size reader, fat shaming.

Me to me: Finish the story’s you’re writing! 😡

Me to me also: oh look new idea 😘

Fricken roller coaster 👌🏻

Previous part <-

It’s strange. Coming back to the world, one you thought you knew the one you grew in. This, this wasn’t it.

Nora stared with you, the browns, yellows and little green. The rusted ruined cars, building and ship cargo. The overly hot sun.

“Come on, I used to live down there in Sanctuary hills” she whispers and you just nod following her down the path. There’s skeletons by the gate and you hold your breath as you go past before letting it go. You follow the woman through the shrub and into the nuke ruined homestead. She talks with a Mr.Handy while you’re staring at the world you can see past the broken stone wall. Your minds blank yet over running and you reach out for Nora instinctively. She stops talking as does the robot and she holds your hand following your gaze. The beta lets you hold her hand before you’re searching the ruined houses for anything you guess. After it’s clear this place has been ransacked the Mr. Handy robot, or Codsworth points you in the direction to the next city.

You follow Nora silently she’s got the gun and knows how to use it, you’ve got scared omega running through your veins right now. You rub the mating bite on your neck, gods you wonder if he’s alive, if they froze him again or he got out. You hope he didn’t get out as you pass what you think is a dead dog in the middle of the road. You almost gag seeing its insides and quickly avoid it while looking away. You continue down the road seeing a red rocket station and a bark making you and Nora jump. You frown as she aims her gun but what comes running from the garage doesn’t look like what was on the road. The dog wags his tail, tongue out happily as he sniffs you both intently before barking.

“Ok boy?” Nora asks kneel to pet him before looking around.

“No owner?” She asks glancing to you and you shrug.

“Good boy” she mutters petting the dog one last time before checking the station. It’s empty besides some medical items that look very out of date. The dog follows you the whole time sniffing around before your on the road again. You take in the broken buildings, broken road and weird smells, it’s been like this since the bombs dropped and you’ve been hiding away underground, forced for some breeding program when there were already people up here?

You hug your middle keeping your eyes on the ground before you hear shots.

“Stay here, hide in that building!” Nora says quickly urging you into the rundown store.

You hear more shooting and shouting, your spot in the dusty smelly closet is horrid but it keeps you from out there.

You don’t know how much times pass, but the shooting stops, the shouting stops too. You don’t leave your spot though. You hear your name called though and peek out the door and see Nora, you sigh in relief and head out hugging her quickly without thought. She’s panting slightly and sweaty but you don’t care.

“Sorry” you say letting go and she just smiles saying it’s alright.

“I found friendly people” she says and you nod following her. You meet with some survivors, Preston alpha, Mama Murphy beta, Sturges another alpha and two betas a man and woman who seem intent on arguing more than giving their names.

“Oh you’re not from around here” Mama Murphy says looking at you and you gulp a little.

“No, no you’re far from home, far from your mate” she hums and you frown a little.

“Hm I’m getting the sense he’s changed” she says frowning and your heart skips a beat despite not believing the woman.

“Mama Murphy come on” Preston sighs.

“Oh shush” she waves the man off.

Your group heads back to sanctuary hills. You stick close to Nora the whole way. You help her clean out her old house, keeping what’s useful like the old table, couch and mattress. Nora sets up the mattress outside trying to dust it off the best she can while you sit on the surprisingly stable old chair, head in your hands.

There’s a scattering that wakes him damned rad roaches thinking he’s an easy meal. He barely looks to blow the thing to pieces before sighing and getting comfortable again. It’s morning before he can sleep again and his clicks his tongue before moving. This bounty he’s been chasing enjoys running too much and he’s getting sick of it. One Charlie James, stole something from some high and mighty, he didn’t care, didn’t matter as long as he was getting paid. He needed the caps fast, he’s been running low on viles for a while now and the coughs started to hurt more.

He finds the rat bastard hiding in a shopping mall, holed up like a little rat with his trinkets. The man doesn’t get a chance to speak before there’s a hole in his chest and his heads coming off with a few saws. Cooper grunts as he raids the little hide out before he’s heading back to the small town to get his bounty. He wonders how he got this far, roaming America, his first instinct was to stay around Los Angelas see if he could find his ex wife and daughter so he could find you. Hell there hasn’t been a day in the last 200 years he doesn’t miss you, his body aches every time he thinks about you, about that bite he left on you, about how you’d react if you saw him. After they took you away he went haywire, feral as the doctor said, he was teeth and claws before he got turned into this. Now he was truely feral, well not in the ghoul sense feral. Heading back into town with a head strapped to his thigh made most people look away or dart inside while he went to the towns mayor. He got paid, left a head lighter and headed to the closest drug dealer he could find. While hes waiting he hears about sanctuary hills, about how a Vaultie is running it with her little mated omega that ain’t even hers. Running it with the minutemen apparently. He shrugs it off at first but what makes him clench his fist though is their description, laughing about how the omega was ‘fat’ then the exact description of your hair, your face then your name leaves their mouth… He snatches his viles throws caps at the man, shoots the bastard laughing about you in the leg and barges out the door ignoring the pissed off yelling. He’s storming through the town before he looks to a map to find Sanctuary hills He’s got a five days trip to get there.

It’s been four months since you got here, three months to watch people build and grow this place into something of a community, guess Mama Murphys got one thing right about this place. You’re tending to the plants, Nora’s out helping another settlement and you’re left in charge seeing as Preston would happily stand by and guard rather than lead and leave it in your very incapable hands. Hell Struges would be better at this, Marcy could easily bark around orders, you just want to curl up in your bed. It’s been hard, really hard, you’ve sworn and yelled at Nora more than once and you felt like an absolute shitty friend but she would smile, give you a hug before heading out. Preston tries to offer his comfort in his weird way, Sturges makes sure to not cross your path when you’re in a mood and Marcy fights back and poor Jun looks like he’s about to cry if you slightly raise your voice at him. You’ve avoided all other settlers like the plague and thankfully they only introduced themselves and moved on. Nora was the real hero, saviour, mayor of the town, she ran this place like she knew how to run a government. You bonded with her, your mind and body designated her as your person and she didn’t mind. She had that motherness about her, strong but kind. Though you missed your mate, Cooper, you hear people saying how you’re lucky you hadn’t followed his path into death, or how you hadn’t been plagued by sickness or him being gone. It made your hope spark that he was alive, frozen like you somewhere. It’s hard with limited medical access out here despite the clinic, your heats come, people’s smells feel like an attack every time, you have a nest you made, Sturges yelling over construction makes you want to tuck talk and run. It wasn’t like this before, you could live your life, with suppressants and scent blockers. You were heading down to the clinic, made after the ruined house was removed by the bridge when you see a figure across the bridge. You think it’s Nora or a settler at first but the way he’s standing has your neck hairs standing up. You signal the guard standing by the clinic having a small chat and she’s up instantly heading to the gate. Despite the gate open and this place being friendly with most, sometimes raiders or other hot headed people think they can take on a community. You’re weary as the stranger approaches the gate and the guard Kayla simply nods and he’s let in. Not a raider then thankfully.

You go into the clinic smiling at Jun before your body tenses, a scent invaded you and your mind reels back to Cooper. It feels like a bullet, quick hitting and build up flaring. You turn seeing the stranger, he’s hidden under his cowboy hat and cowboys outfit. Your body shakes at the familiarity of the outfit, the scent that hits your nose when a soft breeze comes. You can’t speak or say anything as he just stands there. Your mate bite seems to flare up in response knowing who gave it to you is here. What lands a killing blow though is that he walks away, walks down the road heading into the guns and ammo store. You let out a noise sounding like some strangled cat crying and take the extra long route back to Nora’s house where you slam your door shut and hide under your blanket.

[destiny-in-the-universe]

Renegades: RC9GN Infection AU

TW // FLASHING LIGHTS GIF

Good timezone, my lovelies~

So- if anyone remembers my infection AU for RC9GN, I decided to write a little more for that verse! Fair warning: this one might be a little more intense, please be advised before I continue.

Now if anyone remembers the first post I did, the infection comes from an advanced form of the power from the Sorcerer's pearls- once an individual becomes fully infected, they're permanently stuck as stanked monsters and will infect others through contact (saliva for instance- upon being bitten). The story begins when the Ninja is facing off a stanked victim, only to realize they're not turning back and everything gets gradually worse from there.

Pre-Lore Information // Reader Discretion Advised

As mentioned from the original post, the Ninja - Randy Cunningham - was facing off a stanked victim; to his horror however, the stank was not leaving- the victim themself was growing more and more agitated. If anything, it was like dealing with a feral animal, something rabid and certainly not-human. Norrisville High School erupted into chaos. What were they meant to do when even their protector couldn't do anything about it?

Though, it all fell apart from there-

In an attempt to flee from the stanked monster victim, the Ninja was injured; left weaked, he and Howard Weinerman were forced to flee, leaving the city temporarily defenseless. There was nothing to be done.

With the Ninja missing, Norrisville was left to their own devices.

Randy was weak, injured- he hadn't been able to protect them. Leaving Howard to care for him, they eventually ran into Julian which led to an untimely alliance; the trio didn't have a choice but to lay low in an effort to come up with a plan.

Unfortunately for them, nothing would ever be the same again.

TW // Implied/Referenced Gore

Norrisville was slowly becoming overrun with the monsters- they hadn't ever seen anything like this before, and the Ninja was gone; had he been killed? Was there no hope left for them anymore?

The monsters were rabid- like wild creatures lost in their own minds, unable to return to their normal selves. Their eyes were red; pupils looking almost scratched, tainted. Like beasts. A green substance would drip from their maw- a sickly neon green and their body disheveled more. They were quick, almost guided by scent above all else.

Seeing little choice, survivors attempted to flee. They took refuge in secluded areas but others? Well, they dared to fight; believing they couldn't stand by doing nothing else, they armed themselves and decided to take on the monsters, no matter who it was. (they just weren't human anymore)

The boys - Howard, Julian, and Randy - found a cabin; at least then, it would give Randy the time to rest and recover before facing the damage left behind. Norrisville was akin to a wasteland now, and nowhere was safe. Not really.

(They were completely cut off- there was no way to contact anyone. All they had to do was survive)

The guilt was beginning to eat Randy alive- he was stressed and tense, and he began avoiding the nomicon. He couldn't deal with the fact he wasn't able to stop it. He was the Ninja, so then why- why had this happened?

Howard was frustrated, attempting to keep firm that the Ninja would help them.

Julian could only watch, offering support from the sidelines. He hoped it would be enough, but as their resources began getting smaller- they knew a choice would have to be made.

Either they stayed there, as if there was anything left to save- or they had to fight.

Though as it turned out, they weren't the only ones stuck in a rut.

Some ways ahead, the girls - Heidi, Debbie, and Theresa - were seeking refuge in the remains of the school. Debbie was certain if Heidi could simply broadcast a message, eventually someone would come get them. There were monsters. Once their classmates, and now they were something else- and even adults fell victim to the stank.

Unfortunately, their communication was almost entirely cut off.

(No one seemed to be coming)

They were on their own. Debbie took charge as the leader and Heidi was hoping from some news to reach about Howard- even with being siblings, she needed to know he was safe, alive. Theresa, of course, maintained the hope that the Ninja would come.

Even when Debbie attempted to tell her that it was possible this was entirely out of the Ninja's control.

They were completely doomed.

Or so it would seem.

Tag System

renegades au / rc9gn infection au - main tag

renegade fowlham - ship tag for the infection au

[ladyohdeath]

rant incoming under the cut, because i don't have a diary or a therapist and i don't know how to open up to people irl.

i am really struggling with going back to work because it feels, irrationally, like failure.

when i started film school -- over 10 years ago now -- i had so many chances. i had so much work i was ready to do, and i was down in the city, i was ready to move forward. but i was scared. i didn't move out of my mom's house because i let her hold on me get tighter. i let her rely on me. i got a full time job to pay her bills and to try and fund my dreams. i fell into the worst mental and physical health i've ever been in. for the next ten years, i worked every single day, and in 2020 i got diagnosed with pcos and other illnesses that made me so sick.

this year i got really bad. my job got so bad that i almost had a heart attack, i had to be rushed to the hospital. i was fainting almost every day from stress. my mental health was so bad that i would have a meltdown every day. it was so goddamn bad. and throughout all of that, my career was totally gone. i didn't have anymore connections. i stopped going on film sets. i became forgotten

then i got laid off, and i thought to myself, this is my chance. i can write, i can get to work, i can try and get back in. but god i have spent the past 9 months trying to deal with myself again. trying to figure out how to be alive. trying to catch up on a decade of burn out and letting my body recover.

and i've been writing yeah but nothing is fully complete. i haven't had the chance, the skill, nor the money to pursue the mentorships i wanted to pursue. now it's november, my unemployment is about to run out, and i got a job interview at a job that'll pay well, but i feel myself failing

my biggest fear in life is working a 9-5, becoming like my mother, and working for no money, having kids and dying without being happy. i don't have a college degree because i went to film school. i put all my cards into film and then i stopped doing it. every time i take a new 9-5 job i feel myself falling into my biggest fears. i don't want that for my life. but i feel like i'm in a rut and can't get out

all i can do now is continue to write, work for money, and attend as many networking things as i can on the side. maybe, if i'm lucky, 2025 is my year and i will finally get back on set. maybe i can do it. breaking into this industry is not easy, especially not after a ten year break. and i know it'll be ten times harder to do it with a 9-5 job but... i have no choice. i have to pay the bills

idk. i'm just disheartened. and i have so many regrets in life already and i'm not even 30 yet. i wish i could go back in time and tell younger me to take risks, to leave home, to chase my dreams and not fall victim to my mental health. but i never did and now i'm going to have to fucking claw my way back like a feral cat. and i don't know if my claws are sharp enough anymore.

[macawritesupdates]

Writing Update 10/5/2024

I'm alive! Just I have been doing more art of late which means not as much writing time! Working on two zine art pieces and trying to finish art I owed for something I forgot about 8'3

Also catch up on Ink event for an art server. Got to do that. BUT progress on writing is being made! <3

JJK LONG-FIC UPDATES

CAREFUL WHAT YOU JOKE ABOUT: EDITING NEW CHAPTER AND IT SHOULD BE OUT TODAY! The outline reworks are more or less done other than seeing how many chapters it takes to reach a conclusion I'm happy with. Chapter count is most likely going to change!

BROKEN IN THE WAYS NO ONE SEES: Next chapter is in the works and is full of fluff like promised <3 Can't wait to share it!

WHEN YOU GET TWO GRANDSONS: Next chapter is nearly done so working to finish that up and then edit and post. Get ready to get some Wasuke character lore! hehe!

SPOUSE WANTED: Next chapter is coming along and again, hoping to finish it soon to post up! Going to be one readers have been anticipating!

CULTURALLY INAPPROPRIATE: The sequel to Historically Inaccurate! Continuing Yuuji and Sukuna's journey figuring themselves out while throwing in meeting other vessels and the Culling Games...what could go wrong.

LESSONS IN ACCIDENTAL SEDUCTION: Next chapter in slow progress! Just a lot of moving pieces to handle as we skip to the twins now being older and being Sukuna's assistants in chaos lol

THE YUUJI FILES: Working on the outline for the next chapter...the long-time fans still sticking it out are going to scream when this chapter drops hehe! WHO'S A GOOD BOY: Slowly poking at it. Need to rework some things to get it where I want. MIRRORED LIVES: Need to rework this story and get it more on its own two legs. It was half-baked and parts of its went to other stories in terms of plot so...gotta really get its own identity down.

LONGFIC UPDATES: MY HERO ACADAMIA

JEALOUSY IS NOT A GOOD FRIEND: Good progress for the next chapter! Hoping to get it out this weekend

UNSUNG HEROES: Want to write it SHO bad! AHhh! Need to make time to work on it…

A RUT TIME OF IT: On the backburner for now c:

ONE -SHOTS

Pull Me Along if I Can’t Move Forward: Deku/Bakugo fic that is so slowly being written....

Heatwaves and Curses Don't Mix Slow boat to being done....

Once Upon a Blob: Sukuna, now Blobkuna, has a plan to get his body back and it involves the old fairy tale cliche of love's true kiss. Chaos ensures.

And That's When I knew It (Might change the title though!): A silly Uraraka/Kirishima one-shot where something horribly embarrassing happens and feelings are had (and spice XD)

Rituals of Ascension: ABO in the Heian era involving bitching and just pwp ….

FICS TO COME

Exploration: ABO Modern Sukuita fic on the slow boat to being written

Unnamed: Kugikuna fic because I'm in a mood to write something for em…

We Wretched Few: Fleshing out the idea and preparing it for pre-producting

Law Meets Disorder: Slowing down on it as I work to get it mapped out properly, but it is in the works for pre-production!

The Dragon Story: I am worldbuilding so much for this one…debating if I might try to manga page draw it? We'll see…

[eriexplosion]

I appreciate your theories a lot, and will continue to think highly of them (and your veey thoughtful writeups) even if it turn out the writers aren't bringing Tech back. I'm still smarting over how tactless/backhanded it felt to give us a canonically autistic character and then kill him lmao. Unsatisfying for both in-universe/narrative *and* irl reasons.

Yeah, it definitely does smart and I think that the fact that we've been through this game endlessly is part of what makes it so easy to fall into despair ruts on the chances of bringing him back. So I try to pull back from what's external and look at the show itself to figure out where it's going - and to me it's all looking like it's going in a direction that needs Tech alive. (Especially since the longer you go without revealing a character's identity while still focusing on them, the bigger the payoff of revealing needs to be.)

Hopefully we're right though! If not I'll still be here writing up thoughts just in a more unpacking way. It's still exciting to be in the home stretch, and there's a ton that's been fantastic about this season, so hopefully they pull it all together now that we're at the end.

[i-am-thornqueen]

Hello im back can you tell me about festivals or celebrations or any other special times the magic folk in your au have? Maybe some we havent seen yet or some that are specific to certain folks? Are there any favorites the main characters may have? Ive been thinking about this for months, your world feels so alive that whenever I have a holiday I wonder if your magic folk have something like it too.

You know just how to get me going on a tangent, don't you? I could write a dissertation, but I'll try to contain myself.

Below the cut, if you please.

Not to make things too complicated, but depending on your species and where you are in the world, magical folks can have hundreds of different practices.

For example, werebeasts. Since they're all post-human, their yearly holiday celebrations tend to continue to follow the human holidays of the place they are from. If they are trying to fit in with their local magical community, they'll try assimilating with local practices. They do have to play a bit of a balancing act with assimilating, though. If too many werebeasts gather in the same place when ambient magic is at its peak, it can drive them out of their skins. Post-humans can get weird around too much magic. They can end up aggressive, fighting each other until they manage to burn the energy out.

Werebeasts only have two... "holidays" (if you could call them that) which are uniquely their own, although its debatable if they actually "celebrate" these times or if they are driven by instinct to participate against their will. Spring Madness is when the the animal spirit of a werebeast comes out of its winter torpor and drives its host mad with fresh energy that unfortunately tends to boil over into animal lust. The height of the madness generally falls around the same time as Beltane in the Spring, and is usually exacerbated by magical creatures around them going into various forms of heat. Their second "holiday", so to speak, is more of a drawn-out affair through the weeks that make up the autumn harvest. It's a werebeast's true rut, when they're instinctively driven to find and impress a partner to spend the winter with them (and hopefully partner for longer than that). You could loosely call it a gift-giving holiday, sort of. Whoever their chosen partner is will be receiving all manner of gifts and attention until they either accept or reject the werebeast's efforts.

Witches celebrate on a seasonal calendar reflective of where they're from. Witches from Europe and certain populations of the witch diaspora in the Americas follow the Wheel of the Year, with roughly eight sabbaths. Some regional variation happens, as one does not expect a German witch to celebrate with the same traditions as a Spanish witch. Fae and many magical creatures of European descent also follow the Wheel of the Year. Witches from other populations, such as those native to the Americas or from the African continent and other such regions of the world practice their own seasonal holidays.

There are also unofficial holidays, similarly in the vein of Tumblr celebrating the Ides of March every year as a joke that's slowly turning sincere. At the midpoint of summer, many young fairies like to celebrate Puck and Bottom night as a way of paying tribute to William Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. They'll gather in the woods with anyone else whose game and collectively lure humans into the dark to drink and party with them. By dawn, most participants are too drunk to say 'happy puck and bottom night' so it generally comes out as 'happy fuck the bottom night'... which is not not an inaccurate description of the night's debacles.

The magical world is endless in its variations. They're all sorts of holidays and festivals to be had when you have people as unique and diverse as magical folk. :P

[toyamafu-writings]

"Let's go for sure. Should I try my best?" "If it continues like this... Ah, let's keep going like this, until the end."

hi there, i'm zerro. welcome to toyamafu-writings. as i head into my college(-esque) years, my life has become a lot more stressful. as a writer, too, i struggle to keep moving forwards, often stuck in ruts for months at a time. additionally, there's not a lot of toyamafu content out there. i made this blog to kill three birds with one stone: write toyamafu to keep my sanity and writing alive.

this account will post a collection of four short drabbles, each a word of the day. if you're curious, i get them from @wittywords, dictionary.com, merriam-webster.com, and wikitionary.com. i hope to write all four every day before midnight, but as i mentioned, my schedule can be very busy---most likely, you'll only be getting them the day after even if i write them on-time. please hold me accountable to this journey.

if you're interested, join me on my journey. this is a secondary blog, so forgive me for being unable to join you on yours. my asks are open to all sorts of questions (not just necessarily writing-related ones, which writing requests are open), but if you'd rather, come find me on my main @pharaohbean, where i'm much less serious. also, on ao3, where i hope to cross-post these.

thanks for reading, hope to see you again soon.

[skyrimbookquest]

Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it?

Yeah, let's talk about that.

Firstly, let's dispel any concerns of Book Quest suddenly coming to an abrupt end. No. There is still a drive to continue the story and play the game. I very much enjoy doing this and I want to see it reach its conclusion. So don't worry, more is coming.

Now... as for why there was such a long, and unexpected hiatus? Simple!

Depression. A number of things happened that impacted my drive to do anything or work on any projects. Losing my job, finding a shitty job that frayed my nerves to the absolute limit, and then subsequently losing that job as well hasn't exactly been helping the good ol' mental health.

While I've been trying to dig myself out of this rut, it has been incredibly difficult, and frankly, I've been doing a shit job.

So! What's gonna happen moving forward? Well to reiterate, there will be more. It may be slower coming out, but I will keep writing, I will keep playing. But I want to make sure that when I do get back to it, I enjoy it. So rather than a daily, or even weekly schedule, new posts will come out in the timeframe of 'when they come out.'

Y'all can tell when I put out absolute slop, and I don't want to insult you by half-assing it. On top of that, I have to put my health first.

In summary, Hi, I'm still alive. more is coming, life's just kicking my ass.

[thetruthbetween]

Wrote this almost a year ago (February) on discord and started thinking about it today so figured I'd post it. This isn't really a fic, it's more like a description of a fic. One day I'd like to truly write it, but since that hasn't happened yet, I figure I might as well post my ramblings instead of continuing to sit on 'em so as to not spoil anything LOL

s13 AU, Mary/Mary selfcest (canon Mary and apocalypse AU Mary), omegaverse

*

So throwback to that time SPN made #AlphaMary an official show hashtag and put out a Women of SPN calendar with pics and motivational comments and hers was "be your own alpha" and anyway, now I'm planning out a fic where AU Mary Campbell was still alive when Mary went to the AU and Mary Campbell is an alpha and Mary Winchester is an omega and Mary is her own alpha

Mary Campbell is also a lot more… outwardly queer LOL Like she's kinda butch? But like as a defense mechanism to keep people away. Be rough and rude and nobody gets too close. So like her hair's short (cuz long hair's a bitch in an apocalypse) and grey and she's got frown lines, and she's a good person and all, but she's just kinda mean about it. And Mary Winchester, of course, much softer, much nicer. Less trauma (which is saying something considering she burned to death but y'know. It's Supernatural LOL), or at least different trauma. She doesn't have that level of old trauma that Mary Campbell does.

Thinking about apocalypse AU alpha!Mary and standard canon omega!Mary selfcest again. Where Mary knows about the cupid mark and got hers removed, and Mary Campbell is all angsty over losing John like 45 years ago, so Mary tells her about the cupid mark and she's pissed because angels are murdering all the humans they can and that's bad enough, but this was personal and it effectively ruined her life. So Jack removes her cupid mark, and suddenly she's like, unblocked. Like she can suddenly feel again. The crippling emotional pain is gone. She smiles like for the first time that she can remember.

And like, I already had this headcanon that alpha!Mary called omega!Mary "sunshine" kinda mockingly, cuz she's so much happier of a person. (Specifically she and Bobby were having a drink and watching omega!Mary talking to a few people, laughing and joking around, and Bobby asked alpha!Mary what she thought of her, and she was like "<wry smile, slight eyeroll> she's a ray of fuckin' sunshine" and just started calling her that, cuz it was weird to call her Mary and it hurt to call her Winchester, so she starts calling her Sunshine. Then after the cupid mark is removed, calling her that actually becomes sincere, because she brought light back into her life.

Interestingly, after getting the mark removed, alpha!Mary starts noticing people's scents more. Like, she'd smell them before, but they didn't appeal to her. She'd go into rut, but couldn't be bothered to seek out an omega. (It was a function of the mark to cloud her pheromone receptors, because John was a beta and the angels couldn't have this alpha who was supposed to carry the vessels for the apocalypse get distracted by a nice-smelling omega.) But now that the mark's removed, there's so many omegas and they all smell so good. And it weirds her out, so she avoids them -- except omega!Mary. She smells good, too, but alpha!Mary doesn't really think to avoid her because 1) they're the same person, so it doesn't even occur to her that she could find her attractive, and 2) she wants to know more about her, to know what her life would've been like, if she'd taken the demon deal, what the world would've been like if she'd taken the deal.

So they pair up on patrols, they bunk together, eat together. It basically turns into A Thing around camp, if you're looking for Mary, just keep an eye out for Mary. And one day they're getting ready to sleep, and it's gotten a little colder, so they huddle up a little, and alpha!Mary makes this off-handed comment like "y'know, you really do smell good. It's distracting as hell sometimes" and omega!Mary is just like "oh thank god, I thought it was just me, but you smell good, too. Nice to know I would've been a nice-smelling alpha if the angels hadn't changed my dynamic" (oh yeah, part of the headcanon is that it was literally just the difference between alpha and omega that made Mary take the deal -- since she passed it up as an alpha, the angels changed her to omega in the main timeline, and that's why she took it)

And they're a little shy and like, "is this weird? it feels like it should be weird, but it doesn't actually feel weird" and they start scenting each other a little. Just like as a soothing/calming thing. At first it's just at night, when they're doing to sleep. But then one day there's an attack, and they fight off the angels and all that, but they get separated during the fight, and afterward, when they find each other again, they scent each other. (There's a few people from the camp like "uh wut?" at them about it, but they don't notice)

The nights get colder, they're snuggled closer. And man, when you're touch-starved after 44 years pining for a dead man you didn't know you never actually loved, not allowing anyone to get close… those snuggles feel awful good. And even for omega!Mary, y'know, she's only like a year and a half out from a decade of sleeping next to someone. It's nice, it's comforting, to have arms wrapped around her again as she sleeps, to wake up in the cold morning air all nice and toasty from the body along her back and if there's a morning erection against her ass, well, she's used to that, too, and neither of them mention it, although they both blushed like crazy the first time it happened

One morning, omega!Mary wakes up to find alpha!Mary looking at her intently, then she starts lightly tracing over her features. Says something like "I don't think I ever looked like you. I've been an angry mess since I was 18. Pretty sure I already had scowl lines when I was 30" And omega!Mary smiles up at her and says something cheesy like "you've still got time to make some smile lines" and alpha!Mary says something cheesier like "it's easier to smile with you around" and maybe they realize that they're basically flirting, that these are words and tones best used with mates or potential mates. And the moment draws out, a guitar string pulled tight, waiting to be plucked, and they don't know if the sound it makes will be in tune or not. And then alpha!Mary blinks, and omega!Mary rolls away and they get up and pretend nothing happened.

Later they're on patrol, and they keep sneaking looks at each other, keep remembering being a teenager in love -- not with John, they're remembering someone else, with soft hands and softer lips and the waxy taste of pink lipstick. They break for lunch, rations carried with them, and eat in silence. When they're done, as they're getting up from the rock or stump or log they'd found to sit on, omega!Mary steps close and scents alpha!Mary. She's done that before, it's no big deal. Except this time it's not just the tip of her nose brushing up the bare neck, her lips graze, too. Not a kiss, just a touch, a hint. Open lips pulling in the taste of alpha on the air. She pulls back, their eyes meet.

And it's not unbridled passion. One would think it would be, right? When everything's built up to the breaking point, when they tip past the boundaries. But it's not. It's alpha!Mary gently cradling omega!Mary's face in her callused hands. It's a soft brush of lips together, slow and light, but not tentative. How could she be tentative when she's so sure? It's a melting of their bodies together, candles in the sun. One became two becomes one.

After the kiss, after several kisses, of varying degrees of passion, alpha!Mary presses her face against omega!Mary's neck, nips sharp-edged teeth against the faded scar John's beta teeth had ripped into Mary's scent gland. And omega!Mary tilts her head, supplicating, says "please, Alpha" and it's the first time she's called her alpha, the first time they've really even acknowledged their dynamics beyond "weird that we're different" and who could possibly resist that? A beautiful omega who's never had an alpha, who's never truly been mated, offering herself as a mate.

They're mated before they even have sex. Hell, with the lack of privacy in camp, they don't really expect to be able to have sex, at least not until heat or rut forces the issue. (They want to, tho. And when they wrap up together for warmth in their little nook, their scents turn aroused, their hands wander for the first time, and alpha!Mary kisses her new mate into silence before sucking the slick from her fingers)

Sam and Dean show up, and isn't that a bitch and a mindfuck to explain to them.

When everyone's back at the bunker, suddenly there's privacy, Mary has her own room, and just in time, too, because she's starting to feel rather warm, and her scent is starting to deepen, to sweeten, the other alphas starting to look at her, making her alpha rather grumpy. So they retreat to the room and lock the door and don't come out for days. Omega!Mary goes through her first heat with an alpha. Alpha!Mary is triggered into rut by a mate's heat for the first time.

And the two that became one becomes three.

*

And, because I'm fairly certain that I'm not gonna end up using this bit if/when I ever do get around to truly writing this, here, have the only lines I've actually written, cuz I like them a lot even tho I don't think they'd end up fitting LOL

She was dead for 33 years; they're 33 years apart in age. But it doesn't matter, because Mary Campbell is someone Mary Winchester never knew, and something about her slithers down her spine to curl between her thighs.

It should be like looking into a mirror, but Mary Campbell is nothing like her with her grey hair cut short and permanent frown lines carved into her face, a far cry from Mary Winchester's blonde curls that dance around her shoulders, the hint of smile lines just beginning at the corners of her eyes and mouth.