#dc source

[everwalldigan]

Bruce: who are you? A new crime lord?

Jason: *takes off his helmet*

Bruce: *squints suspiciously* a new crime lord who looks like a grown up version of my dead son?

Jason: *sighs in annoyance and forces a bright smile*

Bruce: JASON THE NEW CRIME LORD???

[batfamgalore]

*Dick crashes out while on patrol and beats someone within an inch of their life*

Bruce: Dick might be a little bit fragile after last night, so let’s try to be sensitive.

Jason: Oh, believe me- I am going to be nothing but nice to Dick from now on. If he snaps and goes on a rampage, who do you think he’s coming for first?

Bruce: He’s not going on a rampage.

Tim: I bet he’d let me live. He likes me.

Damian: I’m just gonna say it. I never trusted him.

[demonicsuffrage]

Tim, abruptly standing up in shock: Wait, I just realised that Damian will graduate highschool in 2032

Damian, rasing a brow: Yes, ofcourse? As I am currently in fourth grad-

Jason, spitting out water: What the fuck? 2032?

Steph, pointing accusingly: That's not a real graduation year you made that up!

Dick: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little

Duke, with his head in his hands: Does anyone else feel both their feet in the grave? I graduated this year!

Dick: Feet? More like my entire body, I finished high school years ago!

Cass: Guys I think Bruce is crying

[bruciemilf]

Bruce: I know it’s hard, but you must remain forgiving and merciful, Jason.

Tim, who had to watch Bruce skin a man alive like a piece of salmon with a batarang for saying something rude about his then deceased son, throw him in the back of the Batmobile, and drive him to the hospital just to beat him up again:

[oceanview15]

Bruce: I haven't seen any of the boys for fifteen minutes now.

*Outside a nearby window, a car without a driver inside, and only the top of Damian’s head visible in the backseat, is seen rolling down a driveway. With Dick, Jason, Tim, and Duke running after it in a panic.*

*Bruce doesn't look outside at all.*

Bruce: That probably means they're getting into trouble.

[red-replacement]

just remembered this tiktok

—

tim: hey, which do you think? red dress or black dress for tonight?

kon: oh i don't know, you'll look beautiful in whatever you decide

tim: thank you, but im actually having a hard tim deciding and i was hoping you could pick

kon: either way you're gonna be the prettiest one at the gala babe, i love you so much

tim: okay no- i love you too and i know you think im beautiful and this isn't a test. i just, which dress would you perfer to see me in tonight?

kon: i prefer you just the way you are

tim, stepping out of his room: oh my god- HEY JASON! red dress or black dress!?

jason, from otherside of the manor: black. red makes you look like a bitch

tim: thank you!

jason: no problem!

[thesecretdcblog]

Bruce, texting: Call me

Tim, texting back: Give me a couple minutes I can't find my phone

Bruce: Oh, okay

Tim:

Bruce:

Tim:

Bruce: You're a terrible child. You're killing me, Tim. You're killing your father.

[holy-incorrectquotes-batman]

Bruce, walking into the Batcave: Why does it look like a tornado came through here? Jason: You know that trick people play on dogs? That one when you pretend to throw a ball but actually keep it in your hand and watch as the dog chases after nothing? Bruce: Yeah? Jason: Steph did that to Dick.

[t00thpasteface]

who let this man adopt a child

[writerswho]

Damian: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.

Tim: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Jon.

Damian, pointing his hot glue gun towards Tim: You’re on thin fucking ice.

[thebat-musicman]

Jason, talking about his siblings: We’ve got

Jason, about Dick: Daddy issues

about Tim: Daddy issues

about Duke: Chaos junkie

about Cass: Mommy issues

about Steph: More daddy issues

about Damian: Obnoxious asshole issues

Jason: And Babs!

Jason: …Babs seems kind of weirdly self-actualized actually

[livsoulsecrets]

Dick: Bruce just insisted Tim and I remember a code word in case we’re ever confronted by his clone or a cyborg doppelgänger and we’re not sure which is the real him and which is the imposter.

Dick: Some families have a fire escape plan, but not us.

[batfamgalore]

*Dick is pretending to get along with Talia for Damian’s sake and Talia hugs him*

*whispering*

Talia: This is nice.

Dick: I will throw you in jail for the rest of your life. And I can do that. So do not test me.

Talia: Okay. I still liked the hug even though you used it to threaten me.

Dick: Yeah, well, I kind of liked threatening you, so.

[demonicsuffrage]

Somehow, in the far future, Tim's canonical age finally moves past 17, and his siblings take him out for his 21st birthday

Dick, placing some vodka shots in front of him: Time for your first drink! I can't believe you've already grown so much!

Jason: Drink those slowly, alright? Do you need us to dilute them or-

Tim, already downing the shots in under three seconds flat: Can i have more

Jason:

Dick:

Cass, covering Damian's eyes:

Tim: uh I mean ooh! It burns! It's...so bitter haha

[bruciemilf]

Bruce: Anyway, I better get this one home. See you, Superman.

Jason, a 6’4 anti hero crime fighting machine who threw down with Batman multiple times, sleepy as fuck: No! No no no no

Bruce, carrying him like a toddler: Yes ~

[redsray]

i love the idea of the batfam wearing each other's merch cause like. i know they'd be petty about it. usually they'd wear their siblings merch in (kinda) equal rotations, but they'd change it up depending on sibling squabbles or sibling favours. Tim, walking into the kitchen in a Red Hood shirt: Dick: TIM!? Tim: what Dick: it's Tuesday. you always wear Nightwing merch on Tuesdays. Tim: oh. Tim: you stole my last granola bar, last week. Steph, looking for something in Jason's room: JASON WHY DO YOU HAVE EVERYONE'S MERCH BUT MINE?! Jason, peeking into the room: i have your merch. in the trash. Steph: WHY Jason: you hit me with a blue shell in mario kart last game night. i'm never forgiving you. Damian, sporting a full-on Red Robin hoodie: Tim: woah. what brought this on? you usually only exclusively wear Batman or Nightwing merch Damian: you helped me take that splinter out of Alfred's paw yesterday. Richard on the other hand has recently messed up my painting palette. Dick, from the other room: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! Damian: he'll get over it. Cass, wearing Nightwing merch for the 5th day in a row: Jason: goddamn. what did Dickie do to get in your good graces like this? Cass, smiling: he made me a flower crown Jason: ... that's it? Cass: it was a very nice flower crown. Dick, buying seven Signal shirts: One for everyone. Duke, behind him: Dick, you really don't-- Dick: shhhh, sunshine. everyone will love your new merch. (they all wore exclusively Signal merch for a week straight) Bruce isn't allowed to change up his rotation or not wear someone's merch because he immediately gets accused of playing favourites. He'd rather keep some of his sanity, thank you.