#death when it happens bc we will be dead! so its fine. try to calm down.“

[the-trans-dragon]

Genuine question for people who don't have DID:

When you have an emotion you can't handle at the moment, and you need it to go away, *what* do you do with it? Where does it go??

[uwuwriting]

Shirakumo x fem!reader

Request: Hold my fucking goggles bc we gettin angsty. Shirakumo angst. His gf get pregnant bc they're horny teens and she finds out after his death. Just how she deals with his death and the baby. Hehehhehehehe. I'm killing you Evie admit it. And congrats on 100 followers 💎💎💎💎- @the-arcana-fan-fic​

Wow just wow. My heart is in pain and you are the reason Allie, I swear to god. I have some more Shirakumo angst coming your way bc people like to suffer apparently. Its me, I am people. So you better be ready for some pain. Love ya. 💖💖💖

warning: angst, unplanned/teen pregnancy, ouch my heart.

-You and Oboro have been together since the last year of middle school and you couldn’t be happier.

-He could go on for hours about your guys future and he even bought you a promise ring with the intention of replacing it with an engagement ring when he opened his agency.

-He would marry you the moment you graduated but he wants you to be a queen, and he’s broke so....

-You two have been active for about a year now and let’s be real this cloudy menace may have no experience but boii does he know how to make you feel good. 

-Because of this mutual enjoyment and the intimacy of those moments, you two go at it like rabbits. 

-When you start showing symptoms, Shirakumo is the first to say that you might be pregnant but he meant it as a joke.

-He was right though!!

-You ignored all the symptoms your body was giving you and just scratched it up as some bug. 

-Then the incident happened. 

-You called Aizawa searching for Shirakumo because he wasn’t picking up, only to get an ‘I’m sorry’ from the boy.

-Turning the TV on you saw the scene of the villain attack alongside a reporter saying that a UA student had been fatally injured, being announced dead on arrival at the hospital.

-Severe head trauma they said.

-At the sound of those words you collapsed. 

-You didn’t have time to cry or scream, your body reacted on its own and put you into a dreamless slumber.

-You awoke on a hospital bed with some tubes going into your arm and your mother sleeping next to your bed. 

-She woke up when you moved and dashed outside calling for a doctor. 

-You asked her why you were here and what happened, having forgotten everything about Shirakumo.

-That lasted however only for a moment.

-Once she told you that you fainted in the living room, everything came back. 

- “Where’s Shirakumo?”

-Her eyes widened at that a sad smile forming on her face.

- “No, no no no no no. He is fine, he’s alright. Please tell me he’s alright!!”

- “Sweetheart calmed down, please. It’s not good for you.”

-The doctor entered at that moment and almost manhandled you on the bed again. 

-She explained that your fainting was a combination of the shock and the pregnancy and advised that you don’t over stress yourself, if you want the baby to be healthy.

-I swear to god you could feel your soul leaving your body. 

-From that moment on you stayed silent, the few times that you did answer it was short and one word answers.

-This continued until you arrived home where you broke down completely.

-The love of your life was gone and you were left alone with another life to care about, when you could barely care for your own at this point.

-A life you two created.

-He should’ve been here.

-He HAD to be here.

-You couldn’t do it on your own.

-It took you a couple of days to calm down and think straight.

-You went to the funeral and never mentioned anything about your pregnancy to your friends. 

-In a few weeks you would be out of Japan and on your way to the USA.

-You had decided to take your mother’s advice and move with her to America, start from scratch and have no reminder of him.

-You also saw this as an excuse to not bother your friends. 

-They had just lost their best friend, you were brought into the group by Shirakumo, having them worry about your baby would just be cruel and unfair. 

-And with that you left. 

-The 8 and a half months that followed were hard. 

-You had settled down and were taking online classes in order to finish school, but you became quieter and quieter as time passed.

-Your mother was almost certain you had fallen into a depressive episode, and she couldn’t really blame you. 

-The baby was healthy though, you made sure of that.

-Your baby girl was born on a cold December night, right after Christmas.

-She was so cute and she helped pull you out of the depressive gutter. 

-As she grew older, she resembled him more and more.

-From her hair which were the same sky blue his was, to her personality. 

-She had his sense of humor and kindness while being a mini you with just his hair and eye shape.

-She had your eye color.

-When she developed a quirk you knew that karma was a bitch. 

-She had a weird combination of your quirks and you can imagine how fast she learned how to ‘drive’ her clouds.

-When she finished middle school she asked you if she could try for UA.

-Said she wanted to be a hero.

-You couldn’t say no to her on that.

-She wanted to be a hero after all. 

-Just like her dad.

-You just wished that she didn’t have the same fate as him.

-Time can heal, but losing both of them won’t.  

TAG TEAM AY:

@the-arcana-fan-fic​ , @brattyquirks​

[sweets-r-cool]

Not the Right Birthday Present

Bakugo Katsuki x Reader

so- I think this would’ve been better if I didn’t get played by google bc when I clicked off of full screen all my work got reset at some point so it’s not as good bc I forgot what it said but yeah-

Warning: Angst

A birthday is supposed to be a happy day filled with presents, laughter, friends, sweets, and fun.

It took a certain kind of person to hate birthdays, and as much as Bakugo would say he hated how you and the extras that followed him around would make a huge deal out of his birthday, he couldn’t shake that stupid light and warm feeling that captured his chest.

The same one he would get every bright smile you’d send his way. The same one he got when you kissed his face more times than he could count, bouncing up and down as you gushed with excitement when he got down on one knee, asking you to be his for life. That same feeling he got when he pushed that gold ring onto your finger as you did the same to him. 

Looking back on it, you were generally the cause for that damn feeling that invaded his chest. Even Bakugo couldn’t stop himself from genuinely laughing as you wiped cake crumbs off your face after tripping as you tried and failed to cake him on the two of you’s wedding day. 

Birthdays were supposed to be filled with happiness, not grief, regret, confusion, and hurt. God, did it hurt.

All Bakugo felt now was the opposite. Heavy, like gravity had betrayed him as his footsteps were heavier than ever before. His whole body was fatigued from fighting against the strong pull that made him feel like he was going to fall into the ground. Hopeless and unmotivated, the ash blonde didn’t even want to get out of bed.

 Was there a point? 

You weren’t there to complain at him to make breakfast. You weren’t there to make breakfast yourself, not standing the kitchen in one of his shirts that covered your entire torso as well as a good part of your thighs. He wouldn’t be able to sneak up on you and hug you from behind, burying his nose in the crook of your neck, feeling your warmth and the stove.

Things were just cold. And empty.

Bakugo laid in bed, exhausted for so many reasons.

...

Things were so calm, so dark it was nearly impossible to see anything, even if you squinted. Part of the perks of a house just barely on the edge of the city, away from the blinding lights and the loud noises of bustling night life.

Things were quiet, save for your rhythmic breathing as your chest moved up and down.

Out of nowhere, you shot up, and so did Bakugo who was unable to sleep already due to a weird feeling in his chest. Not the warm one, but rather one that told him it wouldn’t be good to sleep right now, a sort of anxiety. 

You had shot up due to the fact things had changed in the matter of one (1) second. There was an explosion, followed by two (2) more and now things weren’t calm, or dark, or peaceful. 

Peeks of a dim orange light shone through the blinds that were previously closed. A groan naturally came from you as you moved to reach for the blue light shining from your phone as Bakugo looked through the window.

You sighed with a slightly laugh, “Hm, we really can’t rest. Huh, Bub?”

In a matter of ten (10) or even less minutes, you and Bakugo were suited up and in your cars.

Out of all the times, 3 am was when the villains chose to launch a large attack on the better part of the city. But, of course, because that was what villains were. Nothing but inconveniences until Bakugo beat the shit out of them and got them to a jail cell.

“So, what exactly is going on?” you asked Deku on a call connected to the Bluetooth of the car as Bakugo sped- definitely going over the speed limit, but it wasn’t like it mattered at the moment.

The green-haired hero had barely managed to explain before more explosions went off and the line went dead. You were worried, but there was no choice but to push it down, as you were already at the scene. 

It looked like the apocalypse. 

Fire was everywhere, cars crashed, building crumbled, there wasn’t a bit of glass in sight left unshattered. 

The causes were at the center of it all, all the chaos. Countless heroes were already injured, but those who weren’t passed out stood as best as they could against the villains.

You and Bakugo had your work cutout for you.

That didn’t stop from an animalistic grin working its way onto Bakugo’s face as he warmed up with a few smaller explosions. 

~

It was now late into the morning. No one was entirely sure what time it was, but the sun was visible making things a lot easier. The known villains had finally been apprehended, but the damage was done.

It was time to check for survivors, the worst part in most heroes opinion. It always left a sad feeling inside of them, knowing how many lives were not saved. There was still fire everywhere, and of course, there was still a chance of villains roaming around that hadn’t been discovered yet, no one was letting their guards down. 

You had been able to keep a relatively neutral expression this entire time, not an ounce of fear evident. Though, you knew it was simply because there Katsuki was beside you. 

Bakugo had felt the same way, only before he noticed one of the attacks getting way too close to taking your life, had you not narrowly dodged it.

The aura around you always made him feel like everything was gonna be okay, at least eventually. In his eyes, you were the meaning of resilience, always bouncing back from any situation. The ash blonde was trying to keep that in mind.

Being a hero was tough, everyone knew. 

After more deaths of those close to you than should have been normal, you were still fine. Still able to proceed with life as normal.

It was different at this moment.

You had flinched significantly when you realized there was a little girl trapped in a burning building. There was no doubt, the building was extremely unstable, and would crumble any minute. The gash going from your collarbone to your shoulder didn’t look good, so Bakugo immediately stepped up.

“I’ll go,” he stated, already on the way before you stopped him.

Time was running out quick, “No, I’ll go,” you said, pushing both hands on his chest as you looked directly in his eyes pleadingly.

“You’re injured, dumbass,” he scoffed, continuing despite you still trying to block him.

You sighed, pushing him harder, “I’m going, Katsuki,” you pressed, “You know that you’re sweating like hell right now, it’s not worth that risk.”

You moved off him when he stopped. He hated that you were right, he didn’t like this. Not at all. He wanted to do it.

You smiled, about to run off before Bakugo had caught your wrist in his larger hand. You turned, “Katsuki-”

He cut you off, “Just come back to me, alright?”

You nodded, “Of course, I have things planned for your birthday next week, but I can give you one of the presents early later,” you teased, smiling even as you parted, getting closer to the girl and farther from him as you entered the building immediately working on getting to her.

There was far too many things the both of you noticed that went unsaid. However, there were reasons they went unsaid. 

The reality of the situation was far from good, or even okay. It was worse than ever. You’d both known from the start a lot of people had died, and were going to die. But it was also that Bakugo had noticed the way you shook, as if you had been freezing.

It was fear.

You had noticed Bakugo’s quirk was overused, as well as the fact his arm was definitely broken.

Bakugo couldn’t have gone. It was simple as that. If he’d gone it would just be stupid, putting everyone at risk. He might not have been able to carry the girl, or his quirk- which again, was overused- could’ve gone haywire, setting off explosions. Though the latter wasn’t likely, it was still a risk that shouldn’t be taken.

Bakugo didn’t like the unsureness in your smile, and definitely not the way it completely faded from your face the moment you turned. 

It was because you knew that the building might not just crumble. 

It had been one minute since you had gone into the building, Bakugo knew because he was subconsciously counting. It had been one minute, and he was being dragged away from the building by three (3) other heroes.

Something felt feral in him, he snapped, “What- What the fuck are you bastards doing?!” 

“It’s not safe, Ground Zero Sir!” one of them shouted, struggling against Bakugo’s thrashing. 

“Of- fucking- course, it’s not, but I’ll be fine outside!” the blonde hero screamed, the heroes- despite outnumbering him- could only hold him down on the spot that was far enough they wouldn’t be fatally injured, but still too close to the range of which they could be hit by flying debris and injured pretty bad.

“What do you mean, Sir?” another one questioned, “that building could blow up, it’s an apartment building so there’s a chance of one of the water heaters exploding. That could kill anyone.”

The rest of the world seemed to numb for Bakugo. Everything always went quiet before the storm.

Bakugo had to watch as the building exploded just like the other heroes had said. 

Bakugo had to watch as the event that most likely costed him the love of his live’s life unfolded in front of him.

He had to watch as all his light in the world shrived to nothing but ash and debris. A part of him still had hope despite the burning hole in his being. 

Bakugo tugged himself out of the heroes’ grasps, running towards the pile of broken concrete. Your quirk should’ve saved you somehow. In some way, it did something. That was probably what happened, right?

Bakugo’s being was shaking as he dug, pushing chunks of broken walls off. He had no idea where you were, but he’d find you. Finally, the blonde saw a piece of your costume, he moved more debris until he was able to uncover your limp body.

You were already gone.

Bakugo hand quivered as he moved hair out of your face. “Y-Y/n...” things were getting blurry, “Y/n, wake up,” the blonde pleaded. 

This couldn’t be happening. This was some cruel joke you were pulling to get back at him for something he did, probably. 

Bakugo’s breath was quickening in an unhealthy fashion, “W-Wake up, you damn-” it was like bitter weights filled Bakugo’s mouth as he lacked the ability to think about anything other than your name. “Y/n?!” he began to shake you a little.

You had so much more stuff left to do. So much to do together. Bakugo’s jaw clenched as he held you closer to him. His breath hitched, it felt like he was being stabbed in the stomach repeatedly. 

This couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be.

This was some cruel joke. Maybe even a dream. He really wanted it to be.

...

Bakugo woke up. He was sweating and his lungs hurt, he was breathing quick but he refused to open his eyes.

He didn’t want to take in reality. He might’ve been forced to do that if he did open his eyes.

A feathery touch to his cheek made him flinch. Prying his eyes open as he was unable to understand what was going on this very moment. “Hey, Bub,” your soft, just over a whisper voice cooed, “It’s your birthday!” you giggled, sitting upright on the bed besides him.

Bakugo felt the warmth invade his chest, only slightly this time as you continued, “I know you don’t want to wake up right now, but Mina, and the boys will be over later in the morning.” You glowed, your cheeks slightly flushed from how happy you were for a birthday that wasn’t even yours as you continued to rake your hands through Bakugo’s ash blonde locks.

Bakugo grunted when he felt his lips turn upwards. Not wanting you to see, he moved to bury his head in your lap, eliciting a giggle from you, as you continued to stroke his hair.

When he wrapped his arms around you somehow despite the position your were in, you scoffed playfully. “I woke you up for a reason, silly,” you admitted, ignoring Bakugo’s grunt of protest when you began to move to get up, “Please, Bub? I wanted to show you something before I go,” you pleaded.

Begrudgingly, Bakugo let you go and only after a second or two that you got up, he did too, following you to the piano. He scoffed with a smirk, crossing his arms as he leaned on the wall nearby. That piano was something you bought completely out of impulse, promising you’d learn, but the only thing you did learn was Hot Cross Buns. It was more like furniture to look at, only there for the aesthetic but never actually played.

You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear as you positioned yourself to play.

Bakugo thought you looked angelic at that moment, but he was sure that the sounds you were about to make weren’t.

However, the ash blonde stood corrected as you played ‘Happy Birthday’ in a tune that wasn’t simple, but rather more than just the basic keys involved. Some of the noted dragged in to each other in a nice harmony, while some of the others were short and quick but worked perfectly nonetheless. The sound was actually elegant, light, and beautiful, some more words Bakugo would be able to describe you with, even if he didn’t say it.

Your voice- also light and airy- worked well with the piano, maybe you could’ve been a singer if you tried that route instead of becoming a hero.

It was now that Bakugo realized, you simply were his light. You didn’t just cause him to feel that light and warm feeling, it was that you lit his life up and gave it warmth.

It was when the song came to a close, Bakugo felt something was off.

“Happy Birthday, my love,” was all he heard before everything went dark. Bakugo, was most definitely awake. So, why did it go dark?

An overwhelming feeling of dread filled Bakugo to the core.

It was freezing, as he had already broken into a cold sweat. He was nauseous.

Bakugo reached around for a light switch, his pupils dilating smaller when he was blinded by the artificial lights in the ceiling.

He caught sight of the clock on the wall.

3 am.

It mocked him, being awake at this hour for no reason at all.

Bakugo dragged himself to bed, dropping onto it without bothering to pull the blankets up despite his cold body.

He shut his eyes.

...

This time the ash blonde was woken up by a series of loud knocks. Strangely, the knocks were not from his front door, but rather right outside his bedroom door. Bakugo groaned, reaching around the bed for warmth, the blanket had fallen somewhere too far for him to find without opening his eyes, so his next source of warmth would be you.

Sleep weighed down his eyes just as much as his mind. He reached so far across the bed he only reached the other edge of it. You weren’t there.

Not anymore.

The thought sent Bakugo’s eyes opening in panic. Where were you? Why weren’t you there?

Another pang of pain went through his chest at the realization. 

You weren’t ever gonna be there, never again. You were cold, flashes of your lifeless e/c eyes appeared in Bakugo’s brain, hitting him with a wave of nausea. A strangled sob came from the ash blonde’s throat as fresh tears began to fall from his crimson eyes. 

He was never going to hold you in his arms, he was never going to eat your sometimes shitty food, he was never going to see you again. Bakugo would never feel that same warm and light feeling again.

He couldn’t breath. It felt like bile was scratching up the inside of his throat. The knocks had stopped, most likely after the loud sobs filled the room. Instead, it slowly opened, revealing Kirishima with a deep frown on his face. 

He got inside the house with a spare key you’d given him, but he tried to give Bakugo at least a little bit of space by knocking. It was clear he wouldn’t be able to do that.

The words that left Kirishima’s mouth in a sad attempt to get his usually standoffish best friend to stop crying went unheard by the blond who had his face buried in his face.

The rest of the Bakusquad- now turned into the ‘take care of Bakugo squad,’ was waiting in the living room, a solemn atmosphere weighed down on them as they were forced to listen to yet another round of sobs from their normally angry dead friend.

It had been a full week since you died, and Bakugo still felt in denial when he dreamed of you. It was his only peaceful time. He had barely eaten any of the food the Bakusquad had brought him, but it was enough to keep him alive.

They all knew in the back of their minds that Bakugo hadn’t known it’d been a week. He was on an emotionless autopilot when he was crying. Not only did your death hurt the Bakusquad horribly, but the state it left on of their other friends in. He wasn’t even himself anymore without you, just a mere shell.

Kirishima sighed, he was gonna save his birthday surprise until he felt a little bit better, or at least until Bakugo stopped sobbing, but the redhead couldn’t see when that would be.

He unlocked Bakugo’s phone, knowing the password because of you, and pulled up a video from a hidden file. Bakugo didn’t spend enough time on his phone for him to notice a file he never made.

Bakugo was still crying when he heard your voice, the fact he’d never hear it again made him confused. Then he realized it was the video on his phone.

Bakugo shut himself up upon hearing you, still crying, just quiet.

“Okay!” you grinned at the camera, a smirk on your face. “It’s currently... March 29...?” you questioned, checking your phone for confirmation and nodding when you knew you were correct.

You continued, looking back up, “Today is day one (1) of learning piano for my dear Katsu!” you grinned, a ghost of a smile prodded at Bakugo’s mouth, but it never showed, “He got mad when i bought the piano out of impulse- so I’m learning so he’ll owe me like a million kisses!” you proudly proclaimed, eyes sparkling, so different from the last image of them, forever burned in Bakugo’s brain. 

You stretched, “I guess I should be talking to the camera like I talk to you, so- uh- I’ll do that?” you giggled, “Okay! Back to the task at hand! I want to learn a bunch of songs eventually but for now I’ll focus on Happy Birthday and maybe your favorite song?”

Watching you do all this made the tears run dry, you really wanted Bakugo to be happy on his Birthday. 

Bakugo’s red eyes remained glued to the screen before the last part, “I know it’s not your birthday right now, but that’s when you’ll be seeing this. So, Happy Birthday, my love!” you beamed. 

You’d done all this, spent all that time learning piano for him and yet you never got to play it for him in real life.

Flashes of last night came pouring back in. Was it a dream? That same single phrase echoed in his mind like a mantra, “Happy Birthday, my love.” That was what you said to him in the dream- or was it real life?

Bakugo couldn’t tell.

He as much as he wanted to be happy on his birthday like you’d wanted, he just couldn’t do it. Not when the only thing he really wanted was for you to be alive. Not when he just wanted you to be okay. Now you weren’t, Bakugo wasn’t okay.

He wasn’t sure he ever would be.

Was it so much to ask for you to be with him on his birthday? He didn’t even want cake or present. Everything would’ve meant nothing to him if you were here. You were his world, his everything. Now without you, there was nothing but gray.

You were gone, and that left Bakugo broken, empty, and cold.

[angelicspaceprince]

Photographs

Author:  Ama

Title: Photographs

Pairing: Established Beetlejuice/Reader, friends Beetlejuice and Lydia

Character/s: Beetlejuice, Lydia.

Word Count: 1, 814 words

Warnings: Mentions of yellow fever and death, possible historical inaccuracies, Beetleboi being a sad boi.

Tags:  @justballoonfishthings, @beetlejuicecansteponme, @yankyo, @beetlebitchywitch, @scribblepigeon, @trelaney, @kyuubinu, @imma-fucking-nerd (some I tagged bc I wanted you to suffer with me, others bc I’ve been ranting about this to you guys all morning, enjoy!)

Summary: Lydia finds a box at Beetlejuice’s house, not realising that what it contains is an emotional subject for her friend. He goes through each item in the box and explains the history of the person the images are centered around.

Notes: Two fics within hours of each other? What magic is this? Also, I hit you with cuteness, and now I hit you with sad. Suffer.

So, I’ve fallen in love with a song that Alex Brightman sings from the 35mm musical called Cut You A Piece and it gives me tears every time I hear it so here. Have a fic loosely based on it.

Basically, the Beetlejuice I’m using is Musical!Juice but stuff like Lydia visiting his house in the Netherworld is more from the cartoon. You were alive in the 1850s. There are mentions of yellow fever and death in this fic. It’s pretty sad, if people want a happy ending hmu and I’ll try and scrounge something together. I also based the hair colours off dreammbc’s mood ring hair headcanons found here. Takes place after the musical, Beej disappeared for about a year before returning to hang out with his best friends and everyone in the Deetz house are fine with him sue me I want a happy family ending. Female reader, soz all. Enjoy!

Buy Me a Coffee

Photographs

Beetlejuice hadn’t thought of you in the better part of sixty years. Possibly longer. It was too hard to think about you and what happened. He didn’t like crying or feeling broken, but after everything that happened? He just broke down whenever he thought of you.

So, when Lydia brought up the box in the living room that remained firmly shut, the sudden onset of emotions that attacked him was enough for Lydia to decide to get out.

He was never good with emotions.

It took a couple of days before he calmed down, his hair slowly having blue and yellow slowly streaking into it compared to the pitch black it had been since Lydia brought up the box. It took another day for him to sheepishly return to the Deetz’s to apologise, box in hand.

He apologised for scaring her (he didn’t) and that he just needed his space (she knows) but if she really wanted to know what was in the box, he could show her now.

The curious teen tentatively took the box from him and opened it up. Inside were a few, old looking photos of a woman dressed in what appears to be just an everyday dress from the mid 1800’s and a very clean looking Beetlejuice dressed in similarly aged attire. Both of you were laughing and smiling, holding onto each other, clearly very much in love. Beneath all five of the photos was what clearly used to be a pressed rose, although it looked a little beyond dead at this point, and two silver rings, one larger than the other. Lydia carefully held each object as Beetlejuice looks down at them next to her, clearly in another world as he just watches her go over every single item. “Who was she?” She finally asks, pointing to the woman in the picture.

“Y/N.” He breaths out, a small smile appearing on his lips as he takes the photo, the last one the two of you took together before-. “She was my fiancé.” He explains softly as he thumbs over your laughing face at whatever bad joke, he had told you right before the photo was taken. “Well, nearly.” Lydia looks over at the photos again, it’s clear in every single one Beetlejuice is absolutely smitten. She turns over the top photo in the pile on her lap, in green ink and swirled writing she makes out the caption. ‘June 6th, 1852. Beetlejuice and Y/N, New York. Pretty sure the photographer was over us by the end.’

“How did you meet?” She doesn’t look up from the pile in her lap, continuing to turn over each photo to reach the written message on the back. She didn’t notice the fond smile and his mood ring hair slowly turning to a pastel green.

“Her friends summoned me as a joke.” He starts. “19th century was filled with people who wanted to communicate with the dead, her friends didn’t think that anything would happen but then I showed up and they all booked it. She thought I was hysterical so she kept me around. About a year later, she asked me to court her and so we started dating.” He starts to fidget and fiddle, putting the photo back in the box so he doesn’t ruin it with the anxiety that’s running through his body. The last thing he wants to do is crinkle the photos or, God/Satan forbid, rip it. “We dated for about three years, those photos were for our first anniversary. She didn’t believe in the whole getting married thing, we were already living together and that was enough for her. Bit unconventional for the time, but that was my Y/N.” His smile widens slightly when the happy memories start to wash over him. “Was always there if I needed help scaring someone, always there to bounce ideas. Couldn’t stand the fact that I was filthy all the time, so I took to bathing for her which was a big deal for both of us. She had a higher standard of cleanliness than most people back then. Couldn’t dance to save herself though. Not wearing those dresses, she kept tripping over the skirts.”

Lydia listens to every word, letting Beetlejuice more or less spill his heart out. Neither of them are into heart-to-hearts, but its pretty evident that this time around, its what her friend needs. She listens as he lists off every single thing he loved about her and the things that frustrated him about her, every tiny detail she loved about life and the things she hated, what she loved about him and what caused her to want to beat him with a stick. It was like all of a sudden, he could remember every detail that he had thought he had forgotten, and if he didn’t voice them, they’d be gone. By the end of it, his hair was streaked with faint blue with his pastel green, voice was wobbly, and eyes wear close to shedding tears. Lydia knew that he had to get it out of his system and, even though it made her uncomfortable, she wanted to give him permission to just let it out.

“What happened to her?” Her voice is gentle and encouraging as he clears his throat, not really wanting to tell her how your relationship ended, but needing to nonetheless.

“She died.” He quietly admits. “Yellow fever, there was an outbreak around 1853, 1855. She was one of the last ones to die.” He swallowed before continuing. “I thought something was wrong, but she insisted it was just a cold. She was so hot, couldn’t even stand to hear me walk across the floor to get her something to drink. Couldn’t eat she was so tired, but she was in so much pain she couldn’t sleep. So, she just cried and held on to me to keep her cool.” Beetlejuice closed his eyes, already seeing her face resurfacing in his mind. “It was after three days of pain she started to puke her guts up. Three days after that, she was vomiting blood. Two days after that, she started going yellow. She kept saying that she didn’t want to go to hospital but when she started to go yellow in her eyes and her skin looked like she had been rolling around in the yellow dye vat at her work, I just stood up and carried her there myself.” He swallows. “I should have taken her there sooner, by the time we got her there she was already too close to death. I stayed with her in that hospital, helped her drink whatever little water I could and let her sleep with me keeping her cool. She just continued to go yellow. There was so much blood, Lyds, I never thought a breather could produce so much.” He needs to breath, the smell of the hospital refilling his nose was getting to be too much for him. “Eventually, she just slept. She slept for another week before she died in my arms. And that was the end of that.” He retakes the photo from before and flips it over, in his messy and almost illegible handwriting he reread the words he’d written there over a hundred years ago in the same green ink. ‘Marry me?’ “I should have taken her to the hospital sooner, but I thought she’d know best. She was still a breather, I hadn’t been alive for centuries by that point, I thought perhaps I was overreacting because I was excited. I found out about the clause, if you marry a breather you become one too. I was going to propose to her and explain that we could have an actual relationship together and die together, be a bit more normal. I never got that chance.” In anger, he throws the photo back down as he slams back onto Lydia’s bed. It’s only now that she realises his hair is streaked in almost every colour of the rainbow as conflicting emotions hit him from left, right and centre. She gives him a minute before slowly packing everything away.

“Did you look for her?” She hears him nod against the mattress, his eyes still pressed firmly shut as he tries his best to cry silently.

“Spent nearly a hundred years looking through the Netherworld tryna find her. Spent a bit of time looking up here too. No luck. She’s gone, babes. You will never find what you’re looking for in the Nether, so there’s no point in looking.” He cracks open an eye to look at the box now sitting between him and the goth teen and sighs. “I try not to think of her, it hurts too much. But wherever I go, she comes too.”

Lydia hums. She gets it, to a degree. It hurts every single time she thinks of her mother, how sick she got and how quick she had died. But she still needed to think of her, she’d rather face the pain than forget her mother. And she also knows what it feels like when wherever you go, you feel like you’re carrying that person with you. “Perhaps it’s what you need? It hurts but you still have all your good memories.” He hums, not really agreeing or disagreeing. “It sounds like you cut her a piece of you, and she cut you a piece of her. You carry her now and I think she carries you too, Beej.”

Beetlejuice doesn’t make a sound, but he did hear her. It takes a while for his emotions to slowly simmer down to background noise and once it does, he simply sits up, grabs the box and shuts it away, leaving everything as it was before he opened it. Perhaps one day, he will be able to open the box without hurting and perhaps, one day, he will run into you again. Perhaps it’ll work out for him in the long run. But for now, he’d rather not think about it.

“Let’s go scare your dad kid, I’ve been letting him relax for too long now.” The demon offers as a distraction. Lydia, under normal circumstances, wouldn’t let him get away that easy. But she’s willing to let this one slide as the two of them leave the room to go plot a way to give Charles the fright of his life, leaving the box on the bed unattended, unseen, as it opens, and a sixth photograph appears on top of the pile. Of a very sickly-looking woman sleeping in the arms of a very stressed demon sleeping in a hospital bed surrounded by other sick people. On the back, the words simply say ‘Wherever you go, I’ll go too. I lost my life when I lost you.’ You can wait for him to be ready to find you again, however long it takes.

[in-tua-deep]

me n a friend have been talking abt how to make a happy au where everything works out for the best and tbh my proposal is: that last time five time travels he doesnt make it to the apocalypse, he jumps right into reginalds funeral and just the fact that their annoying rebellious preteen brother who needs people to look after him is there, they collectively pull their heads out their asses and the apocalypse doesnt happen thru the power of sibling love (+being made more responsible), ur thoughts?

OOH curious, an au where Five travels straight from when he was thirteen to his dad’s funeral? 

Five absolutely doesn’t believe that Dad is dead or that his siblings are his siblings until they PROVE it and then he basically is like what the fuCK luther you’re HUGE and allison your hair!! klaus you got so tall!! why is everyone except vanya tall as fuck!! 

“Hey where’s Ben?” Five asks, all excited and wide-eyed and the rest of the squad is like surprisedpikachu.jpg

When he finds out that Ben is dead he tries to travel back in time to prevent it and that’s when he comes to the realization that moving forwards in time is a whole different kettle of fish than moving backwards in time which sparks its own little breakdown because until that moment he was treating this as sort of a fun vacation with his cool older siblings and didn’t realize that he was stuck there

So the whole squad gets to find out via breakdown that Five hadn’t really meant to run away and was always intending on going back to them and that he just got stuck

Five calls them out on their bullshit regarding Vanya because he literally just came from a time where Vanya used to sneak into his room in tears after Reginald called her useless and ordinary for the nth time so maybe he’s a little protective and he’s just like “holy shit dad is DEAD and y’all are STILL spouting his same bullshit regarding Vanya”

Diego, who hates the fact that he was just compared to Reginald, decides to be a contrary bastard and immediately start treating Vanya nicer because honestly sometimes spite is the best motivator

Seriously how do the siblings not cotton onto the fact that their brother who sees the dead can see their very dead brother?? whatever, Five is from a time where Klaus was just doing weed and not heavy drugs so as soon as he finds out Ben is dead and after he has his subsequent breakdown he turns to Klaus like “hey hey ask Ben where the fuck he put my book on interdimensional theory I need it for reasons” and Klaus is so surprised he just automatically relays the information and then the rest of the family are like “what” as Five jumps to go retrieve it

Five is still conditioned by Reginald to like. Be a good little child soldier. And I’m gonna say the running out wasn’t a common occurrence, so instead Five gets to bug his siblings to take him places because also he’s thirteen and can’t drive

“Dad is DEAD” five says, wide eyed with possibilities, “holy shit. Is griddy’s still open? can we go to griddy’s? in DAYLIGHT? without sneaking out? holy SHIT”

in the face of this excitement over something as small and simple as being able to go to a diner when he wants, it’s not like they can say NO. even luther wavers because honestly griddy’s is a nostalgia trip and a half and he’s been on the moon for four years and… dad’s dead it can wait for like, an hour right?

The commission is like “hmm. fuck. better send some people to get the timeline back on track” except now it’s the whole squad who deal with the Griddy’s Assassin situation and Five helps because this is what’s he trained to do!! taking down armed gunmen! look at them doing their job as a family

meanwhile the others are freaking out internally because five is a BABY and he’s in DANGER also looking back they were ALL BABIES WHAT THE FUCK DAD and five is just smiling while warping around bashing people on the head with diner mugs

Klaus and Vanya are ducked under a table bonding about not being super helpful in fights and Klaus is like “tbh idk why dad let me go on missions and not you like i remember when you got allison to teach you that highkick p sure you’d be more useful than me” and vanya is touched

they don’t come out unscathed and Five is bleeding and everyone is freaking out over it and five is just like “dude i’ve had worse lmao like literally dad has given me worse than this” and everyone is reminded that their dad was a dick and even luther finds his faith shaken because five is so little and he doesn’t remember them being that little,,,

they still make Five get patched up when they get back home as they try to figure out Hey What The Fuck Was That and five is literally getting stitches and he’s still excitedly asking them questions about their lives

and he’s thirteen and so sheltered i cry so he’s very impressed by like, everything

“we should watch some of allison’s movies!! we can watch movies together now, right?? i mean even dad would let us watch a movie if it had one of us in it surely! i want to see!” “!! Luther you went to the MOON? what was it like? were there aliens? did you see the flag? did you bring back moonrocks? can I have one?” “klaus your skirt!! i know dad never let you wear the stuff you wanted and now you just can! you can wear whatever you want! that’s so cool. can i do that? can i wear whatever i want? klaus klaus can you paint my nails? can ben pick out the color?” “vanya you’re in an orchestra!!! and you have a concert! that’s soo cool! does it matter that you aren’t first chair? you’re in an ORCHESTRA. i knew you were gonna be great with the violin!! can we go to your concert?? please? how much are the tickets? I probably still have my piggy bank in my room if no one’s touched it”

(Klaus touched it. Klaus 100% stole that money a long time ago. Allison cuts in and decides that as the wealthiest sibling and the currently most maternal and she is just melting at all this she will buy the whole family tickets to Vanya’s concert and they’re all going to attend as a FAMILY even if she has to drag everyone there by the ear)

everyone is immediately like “i am going to give this child the world and do all the things that we never got to do as children holy shit also now that i’m more distant from the events i never realized just how little autonomy we had and the fact that Five is so excited about being able to wear non-uniform clothes is a little depressing”

luther out here like “but,,, but the murder mystery”

and they all consider that and think that hmm. maybe those mystery griddy gunmen actually had something to do with dad’s death? okay okay, maybe just maybe luther isn’t being an idiot about this

if you think thirteen year old five doesn’t JUMP at the chance to be a part of uncovering a murder mystery you are incorrect and the siblings are immediately like “hmm. five has already gotten hurt. he is child. we should be,,, protective.”

vanya goes back to her apartment and still meets leonard peabody sorry guys but it’s kind of her job and i don’t want to take that away from her

she does still end up going to leonard’s house except five gets really bored of being smother by the rest of the squad (and they’re all WEIRD about the oddest of topics it’s stupid) so he goes off to find her and ends up ALSO at leonard’s house except he find reggie’s notebook and is like “hey i recognize this!! this is dad’s! i saw him writing in it yesterday!” and instead of letting anyone know he just kind of stuffs it up his shirt and steals it (it’s not stealing if it belongs to dad) and bugs Vanya into going home with him

he looks at the journal (he was always too curious for his own good that’s what got him into this situation) and so he reads about vanya’s powers

and immediately busts into the kitchen for family dinner like “GUYS HOLY SHIT”

and so that’s how the family finds out vanya has powers, it’s a big revelation, five is super enthusiastic because now vanya can come on missions with them suck it dad!! because he 100% isn’t aware yet they don’t still go on missions together and five is already like “we gotta train this!!”

idk pogo probably comes by and reveals the whole nanny situation and allison makes that reveal and vanya is fucking DISTRESSED and tries to leave but five latches onto her wrist and is like “vanya’s never been ordinary a day in her life!! have you heard her play the violin!! your rumor didn’t even work!” which is v touching to vanya and calms her down at least to continue the convo

luther is like “clearly she’s on the meds bc she’s dangerous so we can just continue those it’s fine” because it’s not like she’s hurt someone he cares about in this timeline tbh

allison meanwhile is trying to be a better sister in general so she counters back with “she was FOUR she didn’t understand the concept of death, now that she’s older and past the toddler tantrum phase i think it would be fine for her to actually learn about her powers”

but it’s klaus who’s like “hey, maybe we should ask vanya what she wants??”

and vanya is like,, i want to know. it wasn’t nice feeling like a burden back during the diner shootout, and i think i’d like to maybe try and explore this - and if it’s too much then there are always the pills (bc at this point vanya is still on those and doesn’t realize they inhibit her emotions, when she does she ends up not wanting to go back on them)

vanya gets the love and support she needs!! luther gets some validation for his dad was murdered theory bc the squad investigates with him and they find out about reggie faking his murder a lot earlier! allison doesn’t get her throat cut! klaus gets the love and support HE needs!! and decides (with ben’s input) that he needs to at least attempt to be a good role model bc five has already asked him if the drugs are more important than family when klaus tried to duck out of an allison movie night! diego gets to leak his protective instincts all over five and also take out his anger issues on the commission agents being sent after them! five gets to have an actual childhood even if he does chafe sometimes at his siblings being weird and protective!

literally the apocalypse is ended by five gasping and saying “WAIT can we go to the ZOO?” and making them all go on family trips together where everyone is included because!! they’re his siblings! he wants everyone to be there! he’s gonna see a lion motherfuckers! in person!

also a lot of the things five thinks of are things the siblings just,, never had time for. so it’s a first experience for a lot of them, and so no one really has a good reason to say no?? because they kind of want to go, too?

five, literally vibrating in excitement: i want to go on a roller coaster

like i know you said about preteen rebellion but look he’s come out into a world where his dad is dead and so there’s the potential to do ALL the things he’s always wanted to do but knew dad would never let him like holy shit!! family laser tag! paintball! let’s take a roadtrip to the beach guys i’ve never seen the ocean!! let’s go ice skating! go on a ferris wheel! eat ice cream on the couch! throw popcorn at the tv! lets blast abba songs through the house and make a blanket fort!!!

like it’s gonna take a while to get through the exhausting excitement of “LOOK AT ALL THESE FORMERLY FORBIDDEN THINGS I CAN TRY”

and just throughout this they’re dispatching commission agents and fighting hazel and cha-cha and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with that as well as teaching vanya how to control her powers which everyone is trying to help out with and also dealing with five literally bouncing off the walls one half of the time and the other half of the time being passed out somewhere due to running out of energy

“klaus i want to get a puppy” “we are absolutely doing that, no ben we don’t need to consult anyone else about this” “i’m gonna name him mr. pennycrumb” “you do that buddy why the fuck not”

but yes. what an absolutely blessed and happy au. i love u and tell ur friend that i love them, too

prevent the apocalypse through the power of reconnecting with your inner child and dragging your family along behind you

[yaboylevi]

What about this chapter did you not like? love your art btw ❤️

Thanks!

Sorry for the wait, I wanted to read the official chapter and wait for a bit to see if my feelings changed (spoiler: they didn't).

It would be way faster to list the few things I enjoyed but alas.

VERY negative opinions under the cut. Seriously, if you liked the chapter, don't read this, I don't want to spoil your fun or upset you. I didn't bother to write this in a respectful tone, it's not an analysis, it's just me venting. That being said, if you guys read this ignoring my warning and get upset, it'll be your fault and responsibility, yeah.

The Annie's father stuff was okay, though I hope it's gonna be explained why he was the only one in Liberio running against the flow of the screaming crowd.

Then we get Reiner being pathetic once again, I am so tired of this. What's his purpose in the story aside from killing people, being a nuisance and or dead weight to others and feeling sorry for himself? I would've appreciated if he had had some introspection on how his rushed plan was partially the cause for Porco's death and Falco's transformation (and all the other deaths bc Zeke would've never screamed in Shiganshina if Reiner hadn't pushed for another attack there). But anyway if he'd had introspection, it would've been about self-pity and NEVER growth because he seems unable to have that, so I would've disliked it anyway. 

If I wasn't already rolling my eyes this hard at Reiner, then I would've started at Gabi. She's all over the place and I guess it's understandable since she is a kid and also deeply shocked and in pain. I understand it. But I don't like how Isayama made her go from despair, to murder instinct, to calm and collected in 2 pages. It's just ???? Then we have the Eren parallel and I groaned out loud. Whatever its meaning is. It's just forced.

One of the things I hated this chapter for and that I'm becoming so annoyed at in general lately, is that EVERYTHING parallels something that has already happened, and I don't understand if Isayama thinks he's being smart or if it has some deeper meaning like "oh see, history repeats itself!! wow!! a concept that is not being repeated ad nauseam in the series, not at all!! /s". I don't need it to be shoved into my face.

Idk. Also Reiner, of course, being safe in a house amongst titan territory...of...course...

Then the 104th scene. Ugh. Jean's delusion is so annoying. One moment he's rational, the other is like "muuuuu ereh is doing this for us!!! we couldn't do anything!!!", then he's rational again. Maybe if they had paid attention to Eren, and didn't only take into consideration stupid ideas that would've never worked for 4 years, maaaybe yeah, this wouldn't be happening. Who knows. I'm just tired of the 104th whining about their situation. I understand where they're coming from, their feelings, etc, I understand it's a crazy and emotional situation and all, but we already have SO MANY CHAPTERS about it, it's time to move on at least with the plot. It's just so pathetic and annoying. It makes me angry how he's basically trying to avoid responsibility or rationalize genocide like all the Eren goat stans in the fandom. I hate this mentality so much. "if they disappear, so will all the hatred! Do we really have to stop him?" JESUS CHRIST JEAN..............yikes

And then of course they (and Isayama) had to ruin chapter 108.

Then Jean also had the guts to say they should kill a kid so they can revive a commander, just bc he's too scared to take the reins of the situation. Again, I understand the struggle, it's the same as Hange afterall, it's just very, very ugly how he didn't even waver. Connie's been acting irrational, and he's been swept up by his anger for a while now, so I understand his development. Plus I find it more relatable to wanting to make a big sacrifice for someone you love, rather than someone you (think you) need. But Jean???? wtf. He doesn't even think back on the sin he was willing to commit, he isn't ashamed.

Armin as well doesn't even care that it's a kid they're talking about, he's only strategizing. And here's another annoying point: he's able to make these calculations now but when it comes to Eren his brain freezes and he becomes a delusional kid. Where were his brains when he had to think up of ways to negotiate with the world? Anyway, I get it, it's because Eren's his childhood friend and family. I am just so tired of seeing this again and again, and again. We've been stuck on this for over a year... Nothing has changed, they're just dejectedly going back and forth on their opinions and feelings. Really goes to show that Eren was the real heart of their group...

Connie flying away from the battlefield, effectively splitting again the povs we need to follow is...big yikes.

Parallel to Trost, parallel to Serumbowl. Yeah wow so interesting.

Nile dying so quick like that was also underwhelming. And it was unnecessarily cruel, imo, that as a titan he tried to kill children when as a person he was so sweet with kids (except with Eren, of course...).

The Gabi-Sasha parallel left me a bit confused. On the one hand, I don't like the killer being paralleled to the murdered. But on the other hand, I understand why that is [/inserts meta that i don't care about writing]. The Kaya-Gabi moments were also cute + Nicolo's little speech was nice, though a bit awkward, imo. I bitterly laughed at Gabi finally admitting that she mindlessly killed people just to be praised. At least she can better herself from now on! If only her cousin could take his self-pity and do something to change himself with it, but no, he just wants to change others or run away (and this is why i don't like reiner anymore).

Shadis saving these ungrateful kids was pretty cool.

I felt bad for Yelena, I want to see more of her (and maybe Mikasa+Louise), but instead, we have Jean vs Floch angst and I'm already sleeping, because I care so little about both of them.

Isayama painting Jean as a cool leader is just embarrassing when moments before he was pathetically whining and trying to kill a child (to which there was no setup, especially comparing it to the setup for Connie's plot thread. The last we saw of Jean with a kid was him wondering if he hesitated in killing the Cart because of Falco 15 chapters ago...and that was a compelling doubt but I guess he hadn't hesitated at the time, after all lol). The pages dedicated to the killing of the titans were boring, occupying space for nothing imo. Glossing over them would've sufficed, there could've just been the Pixis stuff, and it would've been fine. Which, btw, made me laugh a little in retrospect, because Armin is once again involved in the death of a Commander. Oh well.

I also didn't like that mini-flashback with Eren&Pixis. I guess Isayama wants to ruin every single nice moment Eren had with other people, because Eren is soooo so so bad now uwu, for no good reason, and it's only his fault right? people were nice to him and look at how he repaid them uwu. Big yikes for me.

I expected more from that Louise panel because it made me go [EYES EMOJI], but I guess I'll have to wait.

It's also unbelievable that NO ONE IN THE WHOLE STORY has thought of stopping Floch, when last time they arrested him, so technically why would they even leave him running around NOW? It's beyond me. Do they have a brain?

As for the basement conversation with Gabi, I hope that "I won't give up on Falco" panel + Armin looking at Gabi thoughtfully will start a "We can't give up on Eren" mindset for the 104th, but I doubt it's gonna be handled in a non-pathetic way, considering how's been done as of late.

Gabi screaming to talk to Eren was also very embarrassing from a reader pov (well, my pov). Because she was RIGHT THERE when EMA talked last time, and she should know that would most likely not work (I guess she's talking out of desperation but still...ppl be like "yeah!! they should talk to ErEn!1 why didn't they think of it!?!?!" and I mean it's probably gonna come down to that if the final audio is of any indication...I just find the presentation of this concept awkward and forced). 

I really disliked most of Gabi's part, even though she's a character I have learned to enjoy. I guess what shined through in this chapter is exactly what I don't like about how Isayama uses Gabi's character: it seems like she's just there as a fast-paced mini representation of the story themes, so she's just an instrument to the story. Sometimes I feel like she's a real character, sometimes I feel she's just a tool for the story and the themes.

Armin's reaction to hearing about Annie is...I don't know. aruani has been one of my first ships and I used to be obsessed, but this is just awkward and forced, just like the previous aruani scene that made me angry at Armin. I don't even understand if Armin's shocked, scared or happy. All of these don't make sense to me, because I have no clue what he even expects from her.

Annie's release from the crystal happened in an unexpected way which i appreciated, though I would've liked it more if she had decided to get out on her own. But it depends on if she was stuck in there or if she was still willingly escaping from reality. If she was stuck, I will love this a lot more, because basically Eren set her free.

Also, Eren's radio podcast was longer I guess ("Eren said he would undo all the hardening"), and I wonder why we couldn't hear it all. Sigh.

In general, the "theme thread" of the chapter (adults & kids) felt really pushed in our face. I appreciate when things are a bit more subtle, this just came off as...boring, because every scene made me go "well, of fucking course this scene would end like this...". The only tense moment was the Connie part, let's be real.

And yeah, my perception may be also partially because I am so tired of no Eren pov and "eren is the evil, evil villain" rhetoric, so maybe I will appreciate this chapter more once we get his pov at the end of the story (bc i have no illusions left that this won't happen anytime before the finishing line). For now, I'm just frustrated because I didn't care about ANY of the things that went down in this chapter. Like, okay, let's move on, ffs.

Everything felt forced and contrived, like, Isayama must know that nobody cares about this stuff that much and everyone would prefer to see literally anything else amongst Eren, Historia, Levi&Hange, the Colossals. Hell, imagine if this chapter didn't have Annie at the end. That was the only thing that made this chapter barely worth the read for me. I hope the next one will at least follow Connie and Annie, if I can't get any of the other things that interest me.

[thegeminisage]

the tornado story

ok so what happened was there was a tornado in georgia & i got a warning for it on my phone & i was like “lol thats weird who cares about a tornado in georgia we’re not in georgia” except a bit later like RIGHT after we left my brother’s house (he’s in greenwood & we were visiting for mom’s bday) my phone went FUCKING BANANAS lit up with warnings like “torando warning we’ve laid eyes on it take shelter NOW” thats just how fast the goddamn thing was

& my mom was like, it’s totally calm out here, it’s 70 frickin degrees, im still smoking, we already left (we were like...stopped at a gas station just a few blocks away), she wanted to go home, and i (having an anxiety disorder and having also seen twister) was like HAHA NO? & she was like “look if u dont want to drive let me drive” & i was like “u can drive but i am not going on a bigass long road with a tornado on the ground in the DARK i am staying here at this gas station & i will somehow find my own way home after there is no longer a tornado u can take my van but i am a grown adult i will not move my body” and she thought i was being STUPID and i had to like really start letting my panic slip thru to get her to believe i was serious AND THEN

my brother, a real g, called & he was like, my & SIL’s phones just went apeshit there’s a tornado come back to our house & wait it out and so that’s what we decided to do

except we’d spent all those precious minutes ARGUING about it.

i should note that like as soon as mom mentioned how still and calm the weather was it turned pleasantly breezy, and then windy, and then started to drizzle, then rain - it had been overcast all day ofc raining on & off but it like then it really started to RAIN rain

so we drive back to my brothers house, again only a few blocks away, and im like apologizing to my mom bc its her bday celebration & i know how bad she wants to go home etc etc etc and believe it or not lads 

we fucking drove almost right through it

the rain was so thick and so fast that i could not see how to drive my van. i had my headlights on, my hazards on, my wipers going, etc - i’m no stranger to extremely heavy storms, i live in the southeast, i’ve been to florida, strong storms don’t scare me, but jesus FUCK...i cannot do justice to just how pants-shittingly terrifying it was to look out from the windshield and see nothing but this...horribly violent and turbulent grayish wall of water

and like the rain hitting the windows was DEAFENING but even through that you could hear the wind doing this weird...low...it sounds like a train and i only ever hear wind do that in hurricanes. sometimes you can almost feel it in the ground, that frequency - and you could hear not only the thunder rumbling but like things cracking and breaking - tree limbs, my best guess, we were lucky nothing hit the van

and i could feel the wind pulling at the car like i had to fight to keep it going straight and i want to emphasize again that i COULD NOT SEE i don’t mean low visibility or even extremely low visibility i mean i COULD NOT even a LITTLE bit see!! my van might as well have been in the bottom of a lake my windows might as well have been covered in blackout paint i mean there was NOTHING...i was inching along and every once in awhile caught sight of a landmark through a gap in the water or the silhouette of one when lightning flashed (which it did frequently)

and my mom thought i was overreacting the ENTIRE time. like my atheist ass was out here mentally reciting the lord’s prayer just to keep my mind on something so i didn’t go into a blind panic and she’s like “meh, weather” - we got back to my brother’s house and parked in front and she was like “eeeehhhhh idw get wet let’s wait it out in the car” & i was like (nicely) “are you fucking kidding me” so we went in but the little groove next to the sidewalk ur supposed to park in was just like FLOODED so when i stepped in it (not being able to see) i dead ass got soaked up to my ankle. i had to drive home in my socks. my shoe is still sodden

we stayed at my brother’s house a good 45 minutes but as it turned out i fucking DROVE through the worst of it lol also i kicked his butt at tetris while i was there he was really nice though like my mom wasn’t taking me seriously and i was trying to impress upon him that he nearly just lost both of his living family members 1996 style & he like turned on the ps4 while i was talking and put a controller in my hand and then before i knew it i was fine

anyway the tornado was supposed to head from greenwood straight over to clinton (where i live) which meant that it was supposed to run along most of the road i would have driven home on so we stayed there until it had passed even clinton, & called my aunt to make sure she was ok (she was fine)

and on the way home we passed like...so many places that were just. dark. like certain intersections (there’s no freeway out to greenwood unfortunately so u pass a few major intersections) they were just...off. the stores, the stoplights, everything. multiple times we saw two cars almost run into each other bc the stoplights werent working and nobody could agree on who had the right of way (if you didnt know, intersections w/ no power are supposed to work like 4-way stop signs). tree limbs & shit on the road, cars in ditches & police & ambulances out w/ flashing lights being the only light you COULD see at all aside from headlights, it was already COUNTRY dark out there so it was so spooky, and even on the way home it was still POURING and the wind fought with the car, we had a little lightning and thunder, it was fucking post-apocalyptic

but the creepiest part is to get home u have to cross a bridge over lake greenwood and its a bigass bridge and on one side of the bridge the power was on but on the other the whole lake (which is normally lit up and pretty) was just totally dark. and i dont mean. hard to see. i mean it was DARK. it was vantablack. u couldnt see the horzion unless lightning flashed. it was like the void

we have power off on the intersection closest to our house too but thankfully it’s on here...but it’s out in places all over town & there are tree limbs EVERYWHERE

we got home safe and sound (i had left my WINDOW open) & all the cats & the dog are OK, altho i know they had to be scared to death bc the dog hates storms and some of the cats do too. i dont normally mind them but that one really got me

and to think we talked all day about how nice it was that the high was 74 even in january. mother earth is trying to KILL us

[mieczyhale]

throwing together some of my recent/ish hc posts/tags for @hellomyguru bc its a thing, babey (i have no idea what you’ve seen and what you havent bc tumblr really just suck like that so lmao)

my tags on this post::  #HELL YEAH HELL YEAH #more pride hcs!!! noice!!#i love these sfm#like klaus always taking part no matter how bad shit is bc HIS PEOPLE!!! and ben trying to punch picketers and homophobes is fucking adorbs#and i would kill (whoop) for the day klaus makes ben corporeal during pride and ben can punch all the people and then disappear#vanya’s is cute. come to the light darling!!#and diego fksgjf okay listen whether one hcs him as bi or not this is 1000% something he’d do either way#he’s supportive!!! and he has lgbtqa+ family!!! and nobody gets to be mean to his family but him!!#see also:: the first year after the apocalypse is avoided five decides to tag along when klaus saying he’s taking dave to#his very first pride. he not only enjoys himself but he learns a lot and either then or over the course of the following weeks figures his#own labels out - bc i hc five as asexual and i just have a thing for klaus being the all knowledgeable one about something for once#and his siblings learning about gender and sexuality from him and maybe discovering something new about themselves along the way!#except luther. he’s a cis hetero and we all know it#but maybe he learns to be a good ally. maybe#i mean probably not but whatever#allison is the only other person in the family who i’d even consider calling straight#bc there’s nothing wrong with being straight and i just.. dont have another label that i think fits her really well#so yeah ive got gender and sexuality hcs for them all flgkscndn happy pride month bitches

my tags on this post:: #’you’re telling me this happens every year?? for a whole month??!’ #actually i need every possible concept of dave experiencing pride month and seeing how far things have come for gays#like rainbow shit everywhere#and of course the legalization of gay marriage#out and proud gay politicians and gay people in positions of power#the amount of support that comes when homophobic shit happens now#homophobia isnt the accepted norm anymore#another thing i like is the concept of - either during pride or just in general - dave being excited to learn about the community as a whole#his boyfriend is a nonbinary pansexual and klaus has explained before what those words mean but dave wants to really understand#we stan a supportive and loving couple#dave has a lot to learn in 2019 but i think this stuff would be the most important and have the most effect on him yknow??#shit isnt perfect but its better and now he can work on getting passed the environment he was raised in#so he can hold klaus’s hand in public and kiss him around other people without panicking and eventually he proposes because HE FUCKING CAN#HE CAN DO THAT. HE CAN JUST.. ASK HIS BOYFRIEND TO MARRY HIM. LEGALLY.#good fucking shit

my tags on this post:: #did you see the state of the sky in the apocalypse?? there’s a chance he really wouldnt have noticed#i mean like yeah it could be a funny plothole#but there could also be reasons for why thats not something he noticed#or idfk man timeline shit#maybe the moon didnt explode the first time around#maybe it did and there’s just another moon somehow some way#maybe he didnt notice bc he was first too scared and then too frenzied and angry probably and then he had shit to focus on and math to do#and then dolores wanted to go on dates to the local wine cellars and flat empty areas that used to be parks and then there was spending days#in the library together like having a girlfriend is a lot of work okay#maybe five just didnt have the time to slowdown and consider things like space#maybe his headspace was too fucked#sometimes you just forget about the moon - i know i do!#so sfgksncjf okay y e ah

my tags on this post:: #YES!!! #yes yes yes #okay #so#everytime someone mentions or even hints at dave having anger issues i wanna fucking cheer bc thats one of my biggest hcs for him#like yeah he’s sweet and gentle and respectful and all that - genuinely a good man - our lil jewish gay#BUT#he did grow up in the 50s and 60s which as op said would have surrounded him with a lot of toxic masculinity. now i dont think he would be#a toxic kind of masculine AT ALL but it definitely would have forced him to hide his emotions and feelings and idk hobbies and of course his#sexuality. and i say hobbies bc there isnt a canon answer for it i dont think but i personally hc dave as being someone who loves art#specifically: drawing. dave keeping a lil sketchbook and some pencils under the pillow on his cot in vietnam?? yes please#so anyway yeah - he wouldnt have really had any good examples of how to properly take care of your anger - although he has enough#heart and common sense to know its really fucking wrong to take it out on women and children and people one is dating WHICH - another hc i#have that ties into this is that somehow his dad found out that he’s gay and beat the crap out of him over it. because unfortunately thats a#thing that happens. so his main male example was an abusive pos. and then he goes to vietnam which is fine because its not like he has#anyone stateside that will miss him - that will talk to him anymore - and its a warzone so there are a lot of ways to work out your anger#and yeah that of course includes bar fights. and he does - usually - try and keep a hold on his anger until he’s away from anyone who might#feel threatened - and he doesnt wanna end up taking out an innocent on accident - but he’s not actually perfect and so sometimes he fails#and it happens around klaus one time and seeing his love’s reaction - the making himself smaller - trying to hide - going quiet and so#clearly afraid - and not just afraid but afraid OF HIM - freezes him to the core where he stands because nobody has ever reacted like that#before. or if they have he never noticed or cared because they didnt matter. but this is klaus. his klaus. who he loves and would never do#anything to hurt him. his klaus who he protects and defends and knows he wants to spend his life with - no matter how impossible it is#he wants to go to klaus and apologize - try to undo the damage done simply by him raising his voice and lashing out - but he doesnt know#what to say or how to say it - he doesnt know what to do with the situation honestly. so he leaves the tent and goes to take his renewed#anger and frustration out on whatever he can find so he can calm down and hopefully get into the right headspace to have whats#no doubt going to be a really hard conversation with his boyfriend. because where do you even start??#but of course they talk it out and dave promises to work on his anger and on how he lets it out and yknow.. its dave so klaus trusts him and#it takes some time - there are some incidents - but dave works hard and learns a lot from klaus - including how to unlearn a lot of shit he#grew up with - and its rough but having a partner from the future who breaks all kinds of barriers definitely helps#so y eah. those are my brief feelings on it and i wanna marry op 

my tags on this post::   #!!!!!!!!!!!! #YES #i adore this post#i could never pinpoint why the introduction on the bus made me feel like That but this is it!!#its just so sweet and innocent - even surrounded by other soldiers in the middle of a warring country#the innocence and unbearable fucking adorableness of their first convo on that bus just… its so bright and lovely it makes everything else disappear#the only thing that matters is the two guys getting to experience that ‘o h’ moment for the first time in their lives bc their childhoods#never let them have that #i assume#bc like op said klaus didnt go to a regular school and he wasnt p much stuck in that house and then he was on the streets so#and for dave like.. i guess he could’ve had that moment in school? but it would’ve been one-sided and he never would have#told anyone. 1960s. gay jewish man. yeah.#they’re each others first (and only) loves and i just really fucking adore that and live off of posts about them 

my tags on this post:: #what if he wasnt dead-dead though???#bc like… the day five found them all dead was apparently the day the apocalypse happened right? so its not like they’d been dead for days#weeks or w.e yknow??#and the time between klaus dying and coming back is varying and undetermined - there’s no canon timing for the length of his deaths#so what if he came back to life??#like okay i know its not really possible in canon bc five buried them i think?? or is that a fanon thing??#i cant remembering #anyway#but still - in general klaus not being permanently dead in the apocalypse is another possibility#and five didnt know about it bc after finding them all he began his 45 year journey#and klaus wakes up alone and essentially has to learn to survive and he doesnt know five was ever there bc..well.. yeah#five is long gone#maybe klaus lives out his days in that wasteland#and he doesnt remember it where five does bc five time traveled back and klaus didnt. the klaus that got stuck in the#apocalypse is a different klaus - like a different timeline. the klaus from ep1 never got stuck in the destroyed future so#he’d have no knowledge or memories of it or anything#or - second thought - he kills himself at some point after waking up and either begs god to let him stay dead or he strikes some kind of#deal with her so he doesnt have to return to whats left of earth#oooo or something happened that put a lock on his powers?? like yknow those cuffs and devices and stuff in stuff in fantasy that freeze the#users abilities?? that’d be an interesting plotpoint bc then like who did it and why and what was the last day really like? yknow#vanya’s meds but More is the idea #just a thought#but anyway idk im just a big fan of klaus with the inability to die and all the possibilities that brings 

my tags on this post::   #i’ve actually never stopped to consider why he didnt notice them except for my v first tua watch-thru#which is odd bc like that seems like a thing one should notice after a few watches??#but w.e #anyway#my only other hc for that part of the episode isnt that klaus didnt notice them bc he’s used to guns#it’s that he didn’t hear them#or that they weren’t loud enough -to him- to register as gunfire initially#bc like one of my close hcs is that he has bad hearing. growing up with people screaming in your ears 24-7 365 can’t exactly be good for#his ears now can it? and with how loud some of them are and how close they can get to him - without touching him - that’s just.. a lot of#fucking volume okay#now add in the academy’s mission alert siren#how loud he listens to his music with headphones on when he’s trying to drown out some REALLY LOUD SCREAMING#and then being near gunfire growing up. those bank robbers had guns and weren’t exactly a big distance away#all the raves and clubs and parties he goes to?? places where music is played so loud the room shakes and you cant hear anything else and#the music itself can be heard from blocks away?? that’s an indeterminable amount of intense noise#and then of course the gunfire of vietnam#so like… boys ears have SUFFERED. whether they wanna acknowledge that in canon or not#so the shooting at the theater - the shooting thats IN the theater - which is large and meant to house sound#thats happening across a big city street from where they’re standing and they’re behind the food truck and if klaus was ordering when it all#started that was just another level of sound and he’s not exactly focused bc everything is awful yknow?? so either it takes him a second to#notice or register it on his own or maybe he doesnt and ben says something?? idk but that’s kinda the field i’ve landed on for that scene#not that im not here for op’s hc!!! bc it really is a good one and it makes sense. im just rambling my own theory here bc i like considering#the Ways for Things sometimes. esp with klaus involved. this does make me wonder tho… if his hearing somehow is -fine- in canon…. h o w?#bc like bitch who tf can take all that and have perfect hearing?? thats gotta be impossible. if they are fine is it related to his powers#somehow?? like.. does his casual passing between life and death all the time mean he doesnt have mortal ear weaknesses? its weird but im..#i’ve got theories. 

my tags on this post:: #probably in the massive fucking pockets of his fluffy coat#see also:: a dealer’s place #a boyfriend’s place#an ex-boyfriend who is also a dealer’s place#a girlfriend’s place #a partner’s place#all ex’s of course bc dave is the only valid romantic relationship#he made friends with the person who owns a nearby thrift store and they help him out#he has a locker at a public place like the ymca#he only has one outfit before returning to the mansion so he has nothing to carry - ever on the move#he thiefs off of people in rehab and crackhouses he stayed in that are dumb enough to leave their shit unattended#when he sees something he likes or he feels its time for an outfit change#he mostly sticks with his lace up pants as far as bottom pieces go bc its much harder to sneak away with skirts#and the kind of crazy pants he likes. there’s only room for one pair of pants for this pan disaster#after returning to the mansion he has access to the funky gay clothes he had managed to aquire before leaving all those years ago#bc like… i kinda hc that he got out of there fast and probably higher than fuck and had nothing packed#have you ever tried to pack while high?? it’s harder than it has any right to be#crack theory:: he had a bag - we just never saw it bc in the beginning he wore it under his floofy coat bc safety and he didnt need it the#rest of the time.#i have a lot of thoughts and headcanony opinions about klaus’s time on the streets so thank u#for giving me a place to dump some of them   

[anxaanya]

Chapter 1

Ok hi, this is gonna be a long intro so no on has to read this. But, very unrelated to what I am posting. I am super down at the moment? I literally have no friends and feel very pathetic rn so I wrote something? My life is literally a downhill spiral rn and I don’t even have anyone to talk to about it. Literally no one so I wrote bc I want to be in a another world so bad(preferably a really chill happy shojo anime where everything is pastel). Its not the best, i just wrote this on a whim and no one has to read this seriously but I want to be a writer and just wanna get myself out there. 

But anyways this is a part of a bigger story. I basically created a whole new character that i was debating on making it my own thing or just do a fanfic but I decided on fanfic bc it’s too similar to bp lol. So basically it’s about this girl named Amale who escaped like a slave trade and lost everything but years later she becomes like a warrior who wants to over throw the royal family bc they don’t do shit about it and like it keeps happening. And shes apart of like a girl warrior group like the Dora Malije and Erik comes and helps them lol. Its stupid but its not meant to be romantic. It’ll get there but rn I just want it to be super badass with badass women. And I want this to be comic(bc comics are basically fanfics, they just write different stories for the same characters lmao) 

But also Amale is inspired by Sumrider, this cool badass martial artist I love, check her out and also catwoman cuz animals are a big influence(I love animals) used later on and shell be really graceful and I just think catwoman is the coolest ever lmao

So here we go also trigger warnings: blood, human trafficking, rape, murder, death

I smiled as I dug my fingers deep into the bowl of wooden beads. They clanked beautifully against each other and in evidently calmed my nerves. I finally took one out the bowl and marveled at the walnut colored wood that was painted with ascents of red. I glanced in the mirror and met my eyes in the reflection. My cornrows were fresh and neat and ran down head, twisting, turned and overlapping each other along the way. The hairstyle allowed for my round forehead to be on display but I didn’t mind. They were painless yet tight enough to pull my already almond shaped eyes back to a smaller squint. I slipped the last bead on the end of my braid that fell over my ear, allowing it to move freely. I marveled at my bead work, shaking my head, letting the plaits dance as I closed my eyes.

               “Amale.” Startled from my trance, I spun my head to the call of my name. My eyes were met with Sa’diyah’s. They were round and kind and shone through the only light in the dim room allowing for me to see her dilated pupil that swam pools of amber. Her locs were rolled into a secure updo and in the graceful way she walked, she began to saunter towards me, and folded her long legs under her as she sat.

               “I really think you should have choose a more practical hairstyle,” she laughed as she softly pushed my long braids behind me.

               “I did. It’s way more practical than an afro.” I retorted. “Which makes no sense. You know my hero is afro samurai,” I continued and she laughed again, still running her fingers through my braids breaking the quiet of the night with the clacking beads.

               “Are you ready for this Amale?” She asked as she dropped her hand from my hair and stared at me again.

               I bit my lip and turned away. “You know I have to.”

               She didn’t speak. Her unakite stone pendant glistened in the light. The crystal I gifted to her. The crystal that belonged to my sister. The crystal I could no longer hold because of the memories it held.

 I remembered the last day I saw her wear it.

 …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 “Amale come!” My sister tugged at my wrist. My ears rung and my sister’s desperate plea voiced. I was frozen. I stood and never took my eyes off of my father’s body that lay in front of our front door. I stood as I watched the blood seep out of his still body. I watched as men in heavy uniforms and thick boots shot carelessly around our village. Their boots stomping on everything. Our crops. Our animals. Or lives. With giant guns strapped to their back, they killed those that were of no use to them and took those that were.

One of those men lay dead on our floor in the living room. He barged in uninvited. We were home alone. I sat on the couch watching afro samurai, one of my favorite shows and in that moment would finally witness merciless murder like those in this show. My sister hated that show and would never understand why our father would let me, a 10 year old girl watch something as violent as this. He always replied with, “Maybe she’ll learn something.” But I knew it was because he didn’t have the heart to tell either of us no. Spoiled was an understatement. My older sister was at the table, brewing a cup of tea for my father for when he returned from work. The sun was close to setting and he loved his cup of tea at the end of a long day. The tea sat on the counter as my sister washed dishes and talked on the phone to her boyfriend. I think they were fighting. He was cheater and I ever understood why my sister didn’t just leave him. Everyone wanted her. She was beautiful or I guess whatever was considered beautiful in these parts. We both shared a signature almond eye shape with a feminine slant and large full lips, two traits we inherited from our mother. My sister had long beautiful locs that contrasted amazingly with her skin. Her hair was as black as night and her edges were often free and curled in naps and kinks. (She didn’t care much for re-twisting.) Our black hair is another trait we had in common, although mine was much wilder, never done, and could barely hold a curl. My sister’s skin was a light golden brown, (that kind of reminded me of a lion’s coat which I would tease her for) and she has a cute button nose. I was told I would eventually grow into my forehead. My skin was a rich mahogany brown, kind of like…the rich beautiful brown of an antelope (My sister also hated my weird possession with animals.)

“Afia, I’m sorry, you know I love you,” I could hear the man on the other end speak as his voice was deep and booming. I could see why she liked him, he was super tall and muscular and I was too scared to ever look him in the eye when he spoke to me. “I hear you Oko just let me think about it.” She was now done with the dishes and leaned on the kitchen counter, playing with the unakite stone in her pendant that belonged to our mother. The stone aids in health and healing especially within pregnancy, which I find ironic as she died right after I was born.

The man that lay dead by our coffee table, barged in. And went straight to my sister, and yanked the phone from her fingers. “You’re a pretty little thing aren’t you,” he spoke through clenched teeth as he held her face tight towards his. I jumped from the couch attempting to pull him away from her. He glanced down at me and kicked me, sending me flying. “You’ll also do well in time little girl,” he spoke as he pushed my sister aside and began stomping toward me.

Out of nowhere I heard a loud boom. I screamed as blood flew from the man’s chest onto my face and he fell with a thud next to me. I shivered in shock as I just witnessed a real life murder. Afro Samurai still playing in the background and the sound made me sick to my stomach. My sister began to run to whoever stood behind me, tears streaming down her face, I heard the figure voice out, “Afia wait,” he called out to my sister.

I turned my head to see my father, shaking in fear. He held a tiny gun in front of him aiming at the man that lay next to me. He bleed out through his hip, the only spot without armor. He wasn’t dead.

“Father! Watch out!” I managed to scream. It was too late. The world moved in slow motion. My hearing was gone so I couldn’t hear myself scream in terror as I watched my father’s body drop. Blood spilling from his head. My sister’s screams were muted and I watched as she ran towards him and cried on his chest. I quickly remembered the man and grabbed my father’s hand gun that was soaking in a puddle of blood. I aimed at this man’s head and pulled the trigger.

My ears rung and the world was silent. Tears streamed down my face and I felt my sister grab my wrist, knocking the gun from my hand. She shook me to and fro as she screamed something I couldn’t hear. Her heavy pendant knocked against my shoulder as she yelled and I turned my attention to my father who I didn’t take my eyes off of. The sound returned and I finally heard my sister urging me to come and get out of here. All I could think of was the tea on the counter getting cold.  

 ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 “Amale, I’m sorry.”

“Huh?” I unconsciously played with Sa’diyah’s necklace.

“For bringin up-“

“It’s fine.” I cut Sa’diyah off and dropped the pendant.

“I just…please don’t be mad at me.” She continued.

I looked into her large round eyes. “I could never,” I retorted. I meant it. “You’re like my little sister Sa’diyah. I could never.” I glanced down. “My older sister was never mad at me. Or she never made it obvious at least.” I forced a laugh. And she laughed too.

Silence filled the room.

“So as your sister,” Sa’diyah’s began as she broke the silence. Her posture straightened and she smiled exposing her larger, straight white teeth. “I can tell you anything right.” She continued.

“Of course.”

“Um, I’m not gonna tell you now, but it’s about you know...”

“No I don’t know,” I answered trying to hide my annoyance.

“You know the guy that came out of nowhere kind of sorta leading our group in this rebellion.” As she spoke, I wished I weren’t this annoying at sixteen…

“What Sa’daiyah? What about him?” I said with a tone that showed my displease.

“Well it’s just, I was thinking that maybe-“

“He’s an amazing asset to this team. He knows everything about the royal family and he can get us in. Overthrowing them is essential. He’s essential. Remember, they took my sister. They did nothing when my village was taken over. My father died-“

 “My village was invaded too,” Sa’diyah spoke with an attitude.

“I know Sa’diyah, all the more reason.” I touched her shoulder but she brushed it off.

“I’m just saying, I don’t trust him.” Her eyes narrowed and her voice shifted to a hushed tone. “You better be right about him. If he-“

We were interrupted by melodic clanks. We both looked to see a large hand move away the beads that hung down the doorway. In walked a tall man, heavy boots, military pants and a tight tee. His weapons decorated his large solid body and his dreads where braided in two cornrows a top his head.

               His deep voice boomed. “Y’all ready?”

[angeljonghyun]

So i guess here goes my longer ramble about my feelings and thoughts. No need to read it. Feel free to ignore it. The only way for me to feel relief is to post it online in some way and although i know tumblr is such a toxic site its the only space that feels right for it. its probably full of typos and doesnt make any sense, but hey who cares.

So yeah

Lately a lot of things happened, things which im thankful for and things that help me heal, but theyre not big of a help since my emotions are so strong. As some might know im currently in a clinic for relaxation 5 days a week from 10 am-2:30 pm and its pretty tough. Being around people again, experiencing painful moments during acupuncture (they find good spots that make me cry, not even really bc theyre hurting but they just make me feel all my inner pain all at once), feeling uncomfortable around certain people there and not loving all therapists bc theyre way too harsh with their words.

The past weeks have been intense and exhausting.. and since its all about relaxing i had much time to think. I had lots of time to think about jjong. Sadly it never felt like i have space, strength and time to heal properly.

I feel lots of pain,my heart feels so heavy, im bitter and im weak? Im forcing my emotions to stay calm, i hate crying in the clinic, i cant open up properly and just dont want to cry there all the time although i know i should but i just cant.

Jjong is on my mind 24/7 like literally 24/7 hes always there, always was and idk how much longer he will be but i want him to leave. My memories and the emptiness which i feel is too much, its draining me its hurting so freaking much that i cant even put it in words and the bad thing is that no one really understands.

People may know that im sad in a way but i dont think anyone understands my pain completely, obviously not, no one ever knows how one truly feels, but its a devastating feeling. Its a feeling that makes me feel quite lost and lonely, because the only person i always believed would understand my pain was him. He was my safe haven, he was the one who would be there and never judge and just understand.

Its a really sick part of my mind which has still control over this part of my emotions, i cant trust anyone, i always.. ALWAYS feel judged and i always feel like a burden and i never want to talk about my struggles because it only causes so much more chaos or eventually i never feel like the person tries and feel all lonely and unimportant again.

Jjong he was just there.. you know ?

Just his existence caused some kind of comfort for my soul, a place to rest and feel nothing but good things for a bit although even he was hurting me too, but i accepted it bc he was far away and it was ok. He was so far away always and that gave me the chance to create the 'perfect' comfort zone. I didnt know him, he was never here.. i will just pick out parts i need and use them to stay alive.

Its not something good, but i feel like everyone does this stuff with their bias. Some more than others. I did it too much and that shows how weak and hurt my soul is. Instead of working on my problems properly i just fled into the comfort of jjongs existence, one that was so very similar to my mothers, my mother who i have lost in november 2014. winter... buried in december. Winter. The season where I lost the most important person in my life not only once, but twice now.

Jjong was like a mother to me. I cant describe my feelings for him in another way. He protected me from so much evil within myself while i wanted to protect him too at all costs and it feels HORRIBLE to have failed yet another time. It hurts so fucking much that i lost him too. He who was the biggest reason for me not to kill myself after my mom died. He who was the reason why i started eating again after developing an eating disorder. He who caused so much good in my life. He who in some way managed to manipulate me in the best possible way.

In the end it was all me, i know that, but its still the bond i had to jjong. A sick and sad one and the worst part is that i felt ready to let go slowly at the end of last year. I started realizing that i coudlnt be thinking about him all the time anymore. I want to start going to school again after 4 years of nothing but therapy. I would HAVE to let go and create a more healthy relationship. I was so ready. And then he took his own life..

He stole the opportunity from me to change. He left me here. He left me and all my problems still attached to him behind. Hes not here anymore and although i never saw him or heard or felt him in real life it makes such a huge difference to me and at the same time it doesnt. That is one of the most confusing and depressing feelings ive ever felt.

I wanted to see him in 2018.. i had many chances to see him but never one to go with me. I finally had someone to go with... and now im here.. with that opportunity gone. My biggest wish my biggest dream, the ONE thing that kept me alive for so long. Gone... all ive ever wanted was to see him live. And now.. yeah.

Those are all selfish reasons. I know that. If you even read this then no its not all i feel, but of course my feelings towards him are most important to me, its the only feelings i can work on and the only ones i truly feel. My healthy grief is there too. A distanced version of what i personally feel and no other could. But thats not truly what this post is about. Please dont judge.

So now im here and i dont know what to do.

Death has been the worst and most intense trigger in my life forever. I started being so afraid of death as a child that i could not sleep anymore bc i thought i would die. It was a horrible time, therapy followed, fear left for a few years and came back as strong as ever. Its here too now. My fear. Another reason why i am alive now, yet its not strong enough to truly shut my self destructive thoughts up. Ive noticed that around the time of jjongs burial. I was ... so ready to leave. I still feel sympathy and empathy for myself there. Bc my pain is so big. Its truly so immense but no one truly knows or cares much. Maybe my therapist, but i doubt it.

Well im now always thinking about death and jjong being dead and ive said before that these thoughts are really killing me inside. Idk where he is, how he is, how he feels, does he feel? Whats up with him... what happens??? Its so scary. I find zero comfort in the thought of him resting bc where is he? Is he resting? Does he know? Where is the man i love so freaking much? Where is my mom? Is she with him? Are they lonely?

Ive always said

When its about death, i envy religious people. They have something to hold onto. I have nothing but the unknown in my head. Another one of my biggest fears and my loved ones are stuck in there. In the unknown. And im not there and i couldnt say goodbye to either of them.

Im so bitter i envy everyone whose bias is still there and im always thinking why him. Why HIM why another person of My life why someone i love so much why when i was feeling so much better thanks to him why did he have to suffer. Will i lose everyone?

Im afraid to sleep still bc im scared to wake up to news of another loved one gone. The fears and memories, theyre everywhere. I cant escape and i hate it and dont know how to process.

The most important form of jjong to me was and still is the fictional one, although jjong as a distant human being will always be more fictional to me than real. The fictional version which i have created for my own reasons, its still there just like always, its still cheering me up, its sweet its cute and lovely, but still hard to work with bc i always end up thinking about the real jjong.

Now after seeing the pictures of his grave i rather see that image than him as a person. I welcome that. Im glad i saw the pics bc its all more real to me now, im glad i saw the burial video.. although i never wanted it to be filmed or real in the first place. I dont think i would be still as sane as i am atm if i didn’t see this stuff.

I know that im doing quite good.. i should be proud of myself i guess.. but my pain is overshadowing everything else to the point where im completely at loss of every emotion just thinking about jjong not being here anymore.

Knowledge about his passing, own experiences and the whole process, everything. It haunts me.

Its quite a long way to go i think. I always felt so close to him, we were so similar and although he had many flaws i didnt quite like, especially as i was getting more healthy and he was still stuck, i still loved him so much and accepted that. He was getting so much better from and outside point of view and maybe that was the reason why he finally found strength to leave and its such a sad thing to think about, but i cant really change a thing anymore.

Sadly. Yeah ..

At the end of this i just want to say. Please just care, be there and if a depressed person in your life gets better please pay special attention bc it might be their chance to end it all. I dont want people to die bc of that dumb fucking illness anymore and i know its not possible to prevent it completely but well..

Im tired and theres still so much more to say for me but i cant say much more now. My head hurts and i need to get up and do something in order to forget about all of this for a while.

Please stay strong, please dont give up. I promise you one day it will get better, never fully ok, but better.

Im trying my best to find joy in jjong and shinee again, i doubt that i will, but im trying. I wont leave the fandom now, but im not the same anymore. Listening to shinees or jjongs music is impossible, watching videos too. If you feel the same its fine. Just do whats right for you. Im just here feeling happy for the others and hoping that theyre feeling better slooowly each day a little. Just like i hope it to be for everyone else.

If you came till here. Thanks for caring. Please take care of yourself, you are very loved. Life is hard, but not impossible.

Stay strong.

[nneoculture]

crush - mark lee bulleted scenario

a/n this is my first thing ever and my requests are open!!! request scenarios, reactions, and mtl’s pls! nct only!

summary: you have a huge crush on mark and donghyuck snitches and you try your best to avoid him as much as possible genre: fluff

- so you’re like ,, super close with donghyuck but not as close as he is with mark - and you like mark A LOT but you don’t even know him personally you just hear about him from donghyuck and see him around school - and OFCOURSE you wouldn’t tell donghyuck about your crush on mark. that boy can’t keep his mouth shut even if he tried - so like one day you’re just hanging out with donghyuck doing your own best friend-y things at this cafe - then suddenly mark and their other friends (literally the rest of 127 but thats so irrelevant) come in so donghyucks like YOOOOO U GUYS ARE HERE TOO - so he calls them over and hes like this is y/n they’re my bff - and you’re like . h-hi stutter stutter bc mark!!! lee!!! is standing right in front of you - and theyre like oh nice to meet you but we gotta get going now we’re gonna be late for our thing - so they leave and as soon as they’re out of the door donghyuck turns to look at you and goes - “i have no idea why i never realized” - and you’re like “bitch what” - and he’s like “you like mark DON’T YOU????” - and you’re like “I DONT EVEN KNOW HIM” - and he’s like “shut up i saw how you were looking at him earlier i bet you didn’t even see the other guys” - and you try to defend urself by saying “i paid attention to the other guys just as much as i did to mark!!!!! the hell are u talking about” - and so donghyucks like “then whats the name of the guy with the pink hair?” - you’re like “tae……yeon?” - and hes like SEEEEEEEEE - he doesnt stop teasing you about it - you eventually get fed up and youre like “OK I LIKE MARK NOW SHUT UP BEFORE I BREAK UR NECK!!!!! keep it a secret though or i’ll actually break your neck” - so donghyucks like “ofcourse your secrets safe with me” - you don’t trust him but you don’t really think much of it - so a few days pass and you’re at school and you notice marks kinda glancing at you but he never really says hi - but youre like oh maybe he just recognizes me from the cafe - and this happens a couple more times which makes u feel kinda :3333 bc mark lee is looking at u but maybe he just looks at everyone so ur also like ;(((( - then probably a week after the cafe thing you’re eating lunch with donghyuck at school and you notice he’s really quiet - and he’s being EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA nice for some reason and youre like. this can’t be real - so you’re like “what are you hiding” - and donghyuck stares at you in shock - then he stuffs a whole spoon of rice into his mouth - and he’s like “imayormaynothavetoldmarkyoulikehim” - and you obviously didn’t understand a thing he said because it was muffled by all that RICE - so you ask him “what did u say” - and he swallows his food and goes “DON’T GET MAD AT ME PROMISE YOU WON’T GET MAD” - you’re like ok i promise - and donghyucks like “i told mark you like him” - AND YOU KICKED HIM IN THE LEG FROM UNDER THE TABLE SO FAST - HE’S LIKE “YOU SAID YOU WOULDNT BE MAD YOU PROMISED” - and you’re like “YOU KNEW I’D GET MAD” - then you two are just sitting there in silence til u finally calmed down and went “when did u tell him” - and donghyuck says “like … last week maybe” - and you’re like UGH THATS WHY HES BEEN STARING but u dont tell donghyuck that because hes annoying so u say “what did he say” - so donghyuck goes “he just said oh really?” - and you’re like OH REALLY ? - TF DOES THAT MEAN - so ur over it (on the outside, because you don’t wanna talk about it with donghyuck anymore) but on the inside you’re silently freaking out and now you don’t wanna have any encounters with mark at all - so you start avoiding being near him at all times - see him in the library? RUN!!!! - oh he’s in the nurses office too? you’re suddenly not sick - donghyuck wants you and his friends to catch a movie together??? you suddenly have so much homework sorry can’t make it - you’re just doing everything in your will to not encounter mark because its kinda embarrassing if he addresses it ya know - so one day you’re walking your dog in the park - and you let her off her leash bc its safe anyway let her have fun ok whatever - then you’re just sitting on a park bench just on your phone texting and shit - then you look over at where your dog is and you see ANOTHER DOG HUMPING HER - so you’re like OH MY FUCKING GOD - and you rush over to where the two doggos are at - and so does the owner of the other dog - and you’re too busy RUNNING OVER TO YOUR DOG TO REALIZE THAT THE OTHER OWNER IS NONE OTHER THAN MARK LEE - so u finally get there and u look at him and you’re like AW CRAP - and he looks at you and goes “oh hey y/n…… sorry about this” - and you’re like “uhhhh its fine i mean i guess she’s old enough ugh what am i saying im sorry too” - and he just laughs and inside ur like HES SO CUTE - but yeah deep inside you’re like “UDHDHHDHDJD THIS IS SO AWKWARD OUR DOGS ARE LITERALLY MATING AND THERES NOTHING WE CAN DO” - so youre both just standing there awkwardly - ……waiting for your dogs to finish - and he breaks the silence by saying “you’re pretty close with donghyuck huh” - and you’re like “oh uh yeah our parents are friends” - and he’s like “if i hadn’t known better i would think you’re dating tbh” - and you’re about to say “BUT U KNOW I LIKE U” - but he doesn’t know that you know so you’re just like “hes like a brother to me i’d never date him” - but then he goes “so who would u date” - and ur like wtf is he trying to get me to say its him thats so cocky of him - and something just comes over you because bro. mark lee is right here talking to u just take ur chance RIGHT - and u go “i know donghyuck told you” - and hes like ???? what - and you’re like “you don’t have to deny it mark i know donghyuck told you about my crush on you” - and marks like “WHAT CRUSH HE DIDNT TELL ME ANYTHING” - and you’re like WHAT - but what you weren’t expecting was this - mark goes “DONGHYUCK TOLD ME HE TOLD YOU THAT I HAD A CRUSH ON YOU” - and youre just SHOOK - you’re like “THATS WHAT HE TOLD ME ABOUT YOU” - and youre both too shocked at how well donghyuck planned this - you’re literaly forgetting to acknowledge the fact that the feeling is mutual and YOUR DOGS ARE DONE MATING - then it hits u and ur like “wait u like me?” - and marks like “i always have??? YOU LIKE ME?” - and youre like “I ALWAYS HAVE TOO” - and marks like “damn….. donghyuck really did this…..” - and you tell him you’re already planning dh’s death - and marks like “count me in…. he’s dead to me too….” - and you’re like “ill hold his arms you hold his legs” - so mark goes “we should plan this thoroughly over lunch… maybe this saturday?” - and you’re like “is that a date?” - and he’s like “PSH NO obviously nOt its a plan to kill donghyuck” - you’re like :333 “see you on saturday then” - and hes like “lets not bring our dogs” - and you’re like “agreed” - so now you’re going on a date with mark all thanks to donghyucks devious plan. that boy lied to both of you to get the truth out GENIUS

[lizziebennet]

Hi Aurora okay first tysm for your blog It's so lovely to have another person so passionate about my fave things (i.e hp and period dramas) Anyway, i recently read the HP series (again) and found myself feeling SO MUCH. I genuinely teared up at so many different touching parts and I was just wondering what are your favorite most heart-wrenching/emotional parts from the books? I realize this is a lengthy quesition so feel free to never answer this or take a year.

ye S SS i love being passionate ab things and sharing that passion w my followers!!!!! i love yall esp when u ask me questions like this where i get to talk ab my fave things everrrrrrrrr (ps thank u so much for letting me take forever to answer this ur so cute to say that ilysm)

ok so literally i will cry my way thru the entire series when i reread bc harry potter has so much emotional weight for me and so many memories that go along with it. but i decided to limit myself to just 10 bc otherwise id be sitting here typing all day. so w/o further ado: 

AURORA’S TOP 10 MOST TEARFUL HARRY POTTER MOMENTS: 

((in no particular order)) 

HARRY READS LILY’S LETTER IN DH: listen harry doesnt actually spend a lot of the books angsting over the fact that he doesnt have parents but in moments like this u remember he IS AN ORPHAN AND IT GETS ME SO HARD. fuk like just picturing harry crouched on the floor of sirius’s bedroom reading that letter… rereading it… crying… wow.gif!!!!! the line that makes me cry eveRY TIME is “She had made her g’s the same way he did : he searched through the letter for every one of them, and each felt like a friendly little wave glimpsed from behind a veil.“ LIKE RIP RIP RIP ABORT ABORT ABORT ITS TOO SAD!!!!!

THE LOST PROPHECY IN OOTP: JESSESCREAMING.JPEG!!!!!!!!!!!! listen ,,, i talk ab this chapter so much on my blog. it is my #1 favorite moment in my #1 favorite harry potter book which is my #1 favorite series of all time. SO ITS A PRETTY BIG DEAL. harry’s reaction to sirius’s death… his anger at dumbledore… his grief… his discovery of his fate… its beautiful writing and its so painful but so amazing to read. LIKE!!!!! MY BABY!!! HE’S LOST SO MANY PEOPLE!!!!!!!! MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD!!!!!!!!!! “I DON’T CARE!“ Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!” “You do care,” said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”” LIKE LITERALLY WHEN I GET TO THIS POINT I HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!! also fun story: one time i was listening to ootp on audiobook while on vacation and we were in the car waiting to taxi on to a ferry boat and we were listening to this chapter when the ferry guy came by to take our tickets and i had like TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE and jim dale is yelling as harry in the background…. the guy was like ‘is this bitch ok??’ lmaOOOOo 

HARRY AND THE MIRROR OF ERISED IN SS:  this is another one of those moments where you remember that harry is an orphan and its /so/ painful. thinking about this teeny 11 year old baby harry sneaking out every night just to sit in front of this mirror so he can see his parents………my darling baby sweetheart i love him So Much. it just makes me so sad like hes /so young/ AND HE JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!! it also gives way to one of my all time favorite hp quotes: “It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” 

HARRY STOPS SIRIUS AND LUPIN FROM KILLING PETER IN POA: me reading this part is literally ISAYTHATSMYBABYANDIMREALLYPROUD.GIF!!!!!! like!! my boy!! he finds out this man literally caused the death of his parents and he MAKES THE GROWN ASS ADULTS SPARE HIS LIFE… LIKE… he literally acts twice his age and is so mature and is just…….so amazing. it shows such strength and wisdom and it makes me SO PROUD. the way he references james also makes me cry because you see the relationship harry has with james even though he’s literally never met him and its so beautiful. i love harry so much. 

HARRY AFTER SECTUMSEMPER-ING MALFOY IN HBP: this is literally the opposite of that last one where im so proud of harry this is def… not one of his best moments lol. he rly rly fucks up and his guilt is so raw and it makes me so emotional because i feel SO bad for him. its def an important harry moment in the books because it shows his flaws and the consequences of his rage, but it also shows how GOOD he is because he feels so bad about what happens and like willingly takes his punishment even though it means that he cant play in the quidditch match. he really like… atones and even tho its rough to read i def love that its a part of the series bc its a really like watershed moment for harry and i think it really reminds him of the wizard he wants to be. this part also leads to i think a more satisfying harry/ginny first kiss bc ginny defends harry and then him not going to the game leads to “several sunlit days” AKA ONE OF MY FAVE HP MOMENTS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

HARRY AND HERMIONE VISIT JAMES AND LILY’S GRAVE IN DH: “But they were not living, thought Harry: They were gone. The empty words could not disguise the fact that his parents’ moldering remains lay beneath snow and stone, indifferent, unknowing.And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off or pretending? He let them fall, his lips pressed hard together, looking down at the thick snow hiding from his eyes the place where the last of Lily and James lay, bones now, surely, or dust, not knowing or caring that their living son stood so near, his heart still beating, alive because of their sacrifice and close to wishing, at this moment, that he was sleeping under the snow with them.”  THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS THAT I HAVE TO STOP READING BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS ANYMORE. I CRIED TYPING THIS. IM SO SAD. 

THE FOREST AGAIN IN DH: hoo boy. hoooooo boy this is a Big One. this one is really…. wow. just. wow. [deep breath]. there is So Much in this chapter that makes me cry where do i even START. harry realizing that he has to die and ACCEPTING IT BRAVELY LIKE THE HERO HE IS. “Why had he never appreciate what a miracle he was,  brain and nerve and bounding heart?” im crying….. hes so good. HARRY NEARLY STOPPING WHEN HE SEES GINNY and ginny’s crying and comforting some girl and im crying too. JAMES. SIRIUS. LILY. REMUS. WHEN HARRY ASKS IF IT HURTS TO DIE LIKE LITEARLLY I HAVE TO PUT THE BOOK DOWN AND GET UP  AND WLAK AROUND THE ROOM BECAUSE I GET SO EMOTIONAL LIKE. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! when harry sees harry and screams at him ……………… rip in pieces me!!!!!!!! ALSO ONE OF HIS LAST THOUGHTS BEFORE THE AVADA KEDAVRA IS OF GINNY AND KISSING HER……….. [GUNSHOTS] [SCREAMING]

BELLATRIX TORTURES HERMIONE IN DH: fuk this scene is no joke scary like it took harry potter to another level of real darkness. hermione being tortured was so chilling like beautiufl amazing smart snarky hermione it was so painful to read like my heart rate goes up when i read it bc im worried for my girl :/ and ron is sHAKING and like screaming and literally throwing himself at the walls to try to get to her and its SO upsetting like. they are still CHILDREN like theyre all so young and they dont deserve this like. hearing her plead and stuff … its just…. too much. these are my CHILDREN i have to PROTECT them. 

HARRY DIGS DOBBYS GRAVE IN DH: this is another one of those harry moments where i just want to give him a huge hug. like he insists on digging dobby’s grave by hand which is just ..... [gets choked up] its fine. and his thoughts while he dig make me so sad. he so /tired/. hes so frustrated with dumbledore and he the hallows and the horcruxes and he feels responsible for what happened. and ron coming out and helping him dig silently makes me so happy and its one of those times u really see how much rons friendship means to harry. and harry comes out of this like ... older and more mature? his wisdom and knowledge is rly apparent when he talks with griphook and olivander right after this like. he knows what hes going to do. hes made his choice. hes not going to race voldemort for the wand. i love him so much for that choice. hes such a grown man in this part like accepting responsibility, taking care of hermione and everyone like getting things in order. i love him. 

MRS WEALSEY HUGS HARRY IN THE HOSPITAL WING IN GOF: “’It wasn’t your fault, Harry,’ Mrs. Weasley whispered. ‘I told him to take the cup with me,’ said Harry. Now the burning feeling was in his throat too. He wished Ron would look away. Mrs. Weasley set the potion down on the bedside cabinet, bent down, and put her arms around Harry. He had no memory of ever being hugged like this, as though by a mother. The full weight of everything he had seen that night seemed to fall in upon him as Mrs. Weasley held him to her. His mothers face, his father’s voice, the sight of Cedric, dead on the ground all started spinning in his head until he could hardly bear it, until he was screwing up his face against the howl of misery fighting to get out of him.” HARRY POTTER DESERVES MORE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he feels so guilty about cedric and god bless mrs weasley for telling him it wasnt his fault because it WASNT!!! he did so amazing in the graveyard like.. .he saw voldemort return and he fought him and he survived and he saw his paretns and hE TOOK CEDRICS BODY BACK SO IT COULD BE WITH HIS FAMILY!!!!!!!! HE TOOK IT BACK FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  i would die a thousand deaths if it meant that harry didnt have to experience this pain!!!!

whew so there we go!!!!! the bottom line is obviously that i love the harry potter series more than anything and specifically i love the boy harry potter so so SO much and his suffering is agonizing to read and he didnt deserve any of it!!! i can litearlly think of SO many more heartbreaking moments in the series but here are just a handful. happy birthday to harry!!! 

[blookmallow]

some 2064rom, the GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY ITS ALL GONE TO SHIT edition

---

i cant believe turing just fucking murdered me 

LET THEM BE PRETTY

dont show nonya the laser gun he gets big mad 

:’)

i wasnt even actually gonna shoot him i just use every item on everything,

usually you get judged by the game for messing with the laser but then it goes “ok are you really, actually gonna do this” and i dont know what happens if you say Yes at that point but i always stop it before it Actually happens. nonya still gets mad tho :’) 

im gonna do another run and just fuck everything up later lmao

BABY’S HAD ENOUGH

ok no really what the FUCK are we doing

charlie.... mentioned the guy who does his Totally Legitimate Brain Surgeries. so we. helped a christmas rapper to get in to see nonya. who got very grumpy at us but eventually turing saw another one of his customers referenced on his computer. so in order to find out if there might Maybe, Possibly, be a link between who’s messing with charlie’s articles and who’s messing with this guy’s, we’re. breaking into his apartment. to force him to speak with us

turing we are going to get arrested. im going to die in jail and i dont know What they’re gonna do with you 

SURE. THIS GUY WE DON’T KNOW WHO IS REFUSING TO ANSWER THE DOOR WILL DEFINITELY BE WILLING TO COOPERATE WITH US IF WE CLIMB THE FIRE ESCAPE TO GET INTO HIS FUCKING WINDOW,

I GUESS SO. APPARENTLY I NEED IT SO I CAN BREAK INTO THIS GUY’S HOUSE. DONT MIND ME 

i was. supposed to trade him something for the umbrella and was doing my usual routine of ‘do every wrong thing first’ figuring he probably wanted the headphones but he got. really excited about the business card. so. uh. ok, 

:’ ) 

thats the second time now ive assumed the correct answer was the headphones and it ended up being something completely unrelated

the headphones might also have worked tho i dunno 

i was messing with the christmas tree and turing got mad at me :’) 

ohhhhh m y fucking god. he’s dead isn’t he. im gonna turn on this light and theres just gonna be a corpse lying on the floor. hes fucking dead 

oh g o d

theres no way that guy’s not dead. his rom is all fucked up now and doesnt understand. it just thinks hes sick i cant do this 

what is WROng WITH IT 

fUCK there it is. god 

i guess. he probably wont mind us breaking in, then,

except now my fingerprints are probably on the light switch and whatever else i was messing with, we’re potentially on security footage, the rom saw us and spoke to us so might have some record of us being here, and there was a witness outside who, uh, actively helped us break in here, (he thought we live here and were just trying to get in bc forgot keys but if the police came and asked him about anything unusual, ) 

so if we report this we gotta explain why the fuck we were in here in the first place, and if we dont, there’s evidence of us being here but never telling anyone, which will probably be discovered when someone Does find the corpse and an investigation starts, so either way we’re probably the prime suspects now 

i..... tried to tell it its master is dead i couldnt bear just leaving it here to go about its business with a corpse in the room thinking everything’s fine but it just

turned off 

WHAT????????? WHAT???????? EXCUSE ME FUCKING WHAT

who did this to him i will fucking destroy you

WAS IT THE FUCKING. HUMAN REVOLUTION GUY. DID HE DO THIS. I HAVE A LASER GUN I WILL SHOOT HIM IN THE FACE

i mean i know there being a potential threat to charlie was already established but i didnt thiNK THIS WOULD ACTUALLY FUCKING HAPPEN

WAS THIS MY FAULT???? DID I DO SOMETHING THAT CAUSED THIS TO HAPPEN??? I M SO SORRY YOU DIDNT DESERVE THIS 

also literally like 3 seconds after this nonya tried to leave and JUST GOT HIT BY A FUCKING BUS RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES,

i mean i didnt like him anyway but he didnt deserve that either, 

fuck

WE’RE ANGELS OF DEATH, TURING, I DONT FUCKING KNOW,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ok lets sj ust lets jsut CALM DOWN, it wasnt EVERYONE it was. only....five.....people...

and the... media company lady might not even have been dead!!! she might still be alive we dont know!!! 

fuck. FUCK