#dialogue is hard to write and im gonna post thiS ANYWAY

[screamingfrenchfries]

bless google scholar because i just KNOW if i searched "psychological abuse in relationships" on normal google id be put on some sort of watchlist when i'm just trying to do research for an essay on some silly little cartoon guys

[youngpettyqueen]

for prompts, might I suggest a number 14 with Julian takin care of Kira, and a ‘it feels worse than it looks—no wait-‘ with Julian being a bad patient?

oh my god I finally fucking finished it.

I am SO SORRY this took so long I got hit with. the most violent writer's block ive had in a HOT minute and this had me fighting for my life. I dont even know how many times I wrote and rewrote this. I went through so many different ideas it was actually ridiculous. at one point I had something finished but it Was Not Good and I dont believe in posting writing I dont like so I scrapped it and started again

I keep waffling on whether or not I like this, but thats entirely because ive spent way too long staring at it. im sure in a few days ill actually really like it, cause I really like the dialogue, which was what I wrote out first. pulling myself out of my perfectionism, I do think I like this, and at the very least im proud of getting it down when it gave me so much trouble

again, im so sorry it took so long, but writer's block is a bitch and ive had a lot going on lately, so I hope you understand <3

for the readers- 14 on the list is "Stop pretending that any of this is ok. It's not." I did adjust that one a bit cause I was having trouble making it flow. but, without further ado, here's what I've got! 

Kira slides down with her back against the wall, grinding her teeth as she clutches at her wounded shoulder. The pain is still hot, the hole burned into her skin practically still smoking. She hisses as her palm makes contact with the sticky, raw flesh, but she still clamps down. 

“Anytime you wanna get over here, Julian!” She calls, her voice strained. 

“Doing my best, Major!” Julian calls from where he is, hunkered down behind some debris as a makeshift shield against the barrage of disruptor fire. 

This is, in eloquent terms, a right fucking mess. Getting into a fight with a bunch of Jem’Hadar soldiers is never a good thing, even when they’re prepared. When they’re not prepared, it’s even worse. And this time, they weren’t prepared. Because there weren’t supposed to be any Jem’Hadar on this planet. This was supposed to be a quick pit stop for the Defiant, replacing some whatsit that O’Brien said was damaged in their last firefight, but then there were Jem’Hadar soldiers and they’ve managed to land themselves in a whole different firefight. 

It really just hasn’t been a great week. 

Kira inches closer to the wall’s edge. Her grip on her phaser isn’t stable, but it’ll have to do. She takes a deep, steadying breath, and then she twists over so that she’s peering out from behind the corner. She spots the Jem’Hadar pinning them down, quick count tells here there’s 3 of them, and she snaps her phaser up to hit them with some fire of her own. The motion pulls at her injured shoulder in a way that makes her want to scream, but she bites down on it. 

Julian, bless him, takes the opportunity to lunge out from behind the debris. He scrambles across the gap, barely dodging the returning fire from the Jem’Hadar, and manages to throw himself down behind the security of the wall. He plasters himself up against the wall beside Kira, right as she ducks back behind cover as the Jem’Hadar’s fire intensifies. 

Kira looks at him. He looks at her. He’s breathing hard and heavy, his hair a mess and dirt and blood staining his face. She musters up a grin to tell him, “You’re late.”

Julian gives her a flat look as he turns to her. “Forgive me, it’s a bit difficult to make house calls in the middle of a battlefield,” He replies, sounding very, very tired. But then his eyes flick to her bloody hand, still clamped over her wounded shoulder, and she watches his expression shift as he clicks back into what’s affectionately referred to as doctor mode, “Let’s see that shoulder, then.” 

Kira moves her hand, letting Julian get a look at the wound. She winces as he pulls aside the burnt fabric, taking a deep breath in through her nose and resisting the reflex to jerk away. “How’s it look?” She asks, mostly just to distract herself. 

“Like it needs more than what I’ve got,” Julian replies, frowning, “The dermal regenerator I have will do for now, but this is deep. I’ll need to immobilize your arm,” He tells her, giving her an apologetic look, “If you move it too much, you’ll risk tearing it open again.”

“Just do what you have to,” Kira tells him, “Won’t be the first time I’ve had to shoot myself out with only one arm.” 

Julian nods, and returns his attention to her wound. “Right,” He pulls his kit up and rifles through it for a second. The first thing he pulls out is a hypospray, which he quickly sticks into her neck. Kira relaxes fractionally as the painkillers immediately start to work, dulling some of the burning in her shoulder. Then he’s pulling out the dermal regenerator, and bracing his hand against her shoulder again, “Try to hold still.” He advises.

Kira just gives a tight nod, already gritting her teeth and bracing herself. She feels the dermal regenerator start to work. The hypo helps, but it doesn’t take away that burning, itchy sort of feeling of muscle and nerves and skin stitching itself back together inch by inch. She clenches her fists tight, breathing hard through her nose as Julian works. 

“Sorry, I know this stings,” Julian says, “I’m doing the best I can. This regenerator wasn’t meant for a wound like this.” 

Kira grunts a wordless acknowledgement. If she says anything, it’s just going to be a string of curses. Instead, she focuses on keeping her ear on the sound of disruptor fire, making sure it isn’t getting closer. If the Jem’Hadar decide to come after them, she wants to be ready. 

“Done,” Julian pipes up. She looks over as he puts the regenerator back in his kit, taking the worst of the pain with it and leaving her with a dull ache, “That’s the hard part done. I’m going to move your arm now,” His hands are gentle, taking her arm and carefully easing it away from her side, “There we go. Alright, hold it there, please.” 

Kira does. Julian sits back, and unzips his jacket to get at his undershirt. “This will have to do,” He tells her, tearing a couple of strips from his undershirt, “These won’t be the most comfortable, but they’ll have to do. I’m out of bandages.” He leans back in, starting to bind her arm with the torn fabric.

“Sorry about your shirt.” She cracks weakly.

“I’ll get a new one.” He replies, without so much as a smile.

She hates how flat his voice is. Hates how… unlike him, it is. Quiet, with no bite. “C’mon, Julian, where’s that boyish optimism of yours?” She asks, “I could really use a hit of it right about now.”

Julian secures the bandage around her arm. “I must’ve dropped it when they started shooting at us,” He says, not meeting her eyes, “Do me a favour, Major. Don’t pretend any of this is ok,” He sits back again, still not meeting her eyes, all caught up in taking in his work, “Cause it’s really not.” He does look her in the eye, then. And he looks so… tired.

But then, he’s looked like that for a while, hasn’t he?

Kira gives him a smile. A sad, quiet little smile. “I never said any of this was ok,” She corrects, “I’m just… used to it, at this point.” Very, very used to it. Used to it in a way she hopes he never is. 

Julian considers that for a moment. His expression is hard to read- sad, maybe. Sympathetic. Then he sighs, and breaks eye contact. “Well, I suppose I’m getting used to it, too,” He scrubs a bloody hand through his hair, “We should get going. Can you walk?” He asks.

No time for sentiment, then. Kira nods. “It’s just the arm,” She assures him, “I can do a hell of a lot more than walk.”

“Good,” Julian starts to push himself up to stand, “Let’s-“ He doesn’t get far. He wobbles suddenly, his eyes widening slightly as he nearly topples right over. He barely manages to catch himself, bracing a hand against the wall before he can fall against it.

Kira quickly reaches out to steady him. “Julian?” She sits up, frowning, “What’s wrong?”

Julian frowns, confused. “I… don’t know,” He says, looking down, “I can’t feel my-“ He cuts off, suddenly, his eyes fixing on something, “Ah.”

Kira’s brow furrows. “Ah? What’s-“ She follows his gaze, and comes to the same abrupt halt as she sees just what he’s found, “Ah.” 

Julian has a substantial wound in his thigh. A chunk of his pant leg has been burned away, revealing a raw, painful-looking burn that’s steadily oozing blood down his leg. Kira’s eyes widen at the sight of it. That doesn’t look good. That really doesn’t look good.

“Well,” Julian says, “That’s not ideal.” And then he sways alarmingly, nearly crumpling right to the ground.

“Julian!” Kira lurches forward, manages to catch him by the arms. He grimaces as he eases himself down, taking his weight off his injured leg, “Damnit, Julian, what were you thinking ignoring this? Gimme that tricorder-“ She reaches for his medkit, not waiting for him as she rummages through it herself.

“I wasn’t ignoring it!” He exclaims, “I couldn’t feel it! Honest!” 

Kira finds the tricorder and pulls it out. “Don’t tell me they augmented the ability to feel pain out of you,” He shifts again, adjusting his position to give her a better angle to scan him, and it draws a painful hiss out of him, “Guess not.” She hums.

Julian manages a weak chuckle, the first one she’s gotten out of him all day. “Not as such,” He confirms, “I’ve just been- gah!” He grinds his molars as she pulls the burnt fabric away from the wound, “Preoccupied.” He growls.

Kira huffs softly as she reads the results on the tricorder. It’s not a fun wound. “So busy trying not to get shot that you didn’t realize you got shot?” She asks, arching a brow at him, “I’m almost impressed.”

“Only almost?” Julian asks, all mock indignation, “I’d hate to see what I’d have to do to actually impress you,” He mutters. His eyes drift down, then back up at her. He looks worried, “How bad is it?”

Kira puts the tricorder down. “How bad does it feel?” She dodges. 

“Pfft, this little thing?” He scoffs, gives a weak little wave that’s probably went to ‘wave off’ the pain, “It’s nothing. Just a scratch. It feels worse than it… no. No, wait, that’s not right,” He blinks, and she can almost see the gears in his head turning as he tries to figure out the order of the words, “I don’t mean to alarm you, Major, but I think the shock might be setting in.” He tells her.

Kira can’t help but roll her eyes. “No kidding,” She says, “This isn’t my first time, Julian. Hand me the regenerator, I’ll do what I can with it.” She holds her hand out expectantly.

Julian hands it over. “Now who’s being serious?” He asks.

Kira adjusts how she’s holding him, making sure she’s holding the burnt edges of his uniform away from his skin so that she doesn’t accidentally fuse any fabric to him. “Oh, so you can make jokes,” She takes the dermal regenerator and adjusts her hold on it, making sure it won’t slide out of her hand, which is slick with blood, “I thought you dropped that along with your optimism.” She gets the regenerator going, doing what she can with the wound.

Julian chuckles again, grins at her. “I told you, the shock’s setting in,” He replies, all charm, “I’ll say anything just to say anything. Apologies, but I’m going to be talking your ear off until we get out of here.” He warns.

Kira keeps her eyes on her work, keeps her hand braced on his thigh to hold him still. “As opposed to when you don’t talk my ear off.” She counters. After a few seconds, she can see that the burn’s healed as much as it’s going to. She switches the regenerator off and hands it back to him.

“Rude,” Julian huffs, taking the regenerator and putting it back in his medkit, “How’d the regenerator do? I don’t want to look.” He’s looking even as he says it, like he can’t help himself. 

“It’ll hold,” She tells him, not seeing any point in sugar-coating it. He would see right through her in a second, “For now. I’m gonna bandage it, just in case,” She adds. Now it’s her turn to get at her undershirt, tear it up for strips of fabric, “I liked this shirt, you know.” She informs him as she does.

“I suppose we’re even, then,” Julian cracks weakly, “Have I ever told you you’d make a great medic?” He asks.

There’s the Julian she knows. “Flattery will get you nowhere,” She tells him. Satisfied with her bandages, she gets them ready, “I do have one question for you, Doctor.” 

Julian frowns, confused. Yeah, the shock really has set in if he can’t see what she’s doing. “Go ahead.” He invites.

Kira starts wrapping his leg. “What are your plans for the rest of the day?” She asks.

He looks even more confused. “What are my-“ She yanks the bandages tight before he can finish, and he cuts off with a pitched yelp, “Fuck!”

Maybe it’s a bit mean to chuckle, but Kira can’t help it. She doesn’t often get to hear him curse. “Oh, language,” She tuts as she finishes tying the bandages off, “There. Nice and tight. That oughta hold you together till we get out of here.” She gives his knee a pat. 

Julian pouts at her. “You enjoyed that.” He accuses. 

“I did no such thing,” Kira replies smoothly as she pulls his medkit closer to her and starts rifling through it, not bothering to ask him, “Want a hypo?” She offers.

“No,” Julian shakes his head, making her stop short and give him an incredulous look, “I’ve only got the one left. Save it for someone who needs it.” He reasons. 

Her look quickly flattens. “Don’t start with the heroics, Julian,” She advises, “You’re not gonna be treating any patients until after you’ve been treated. On the Defiant.” She doubts he can even stand on his own, let alone treat people.

“I can hold out till then,” He insists, “Someone else might-“

“Julian,” Kira cuts in, not giving him any room to argue, “Take the fucking hypo.” 

Julian’s brows shoot up and he looks a little stunned. Just for a moment, though, before he huffs a bit of a laugh. “Now who needs to watch their language,” He says, his tone light and teasing, “Alright, go ahead.” He nods.

Kira takes the hypo out of his kit. “Oh, thank you,” She replies, making sure her own tone savours strongly of sarcasm, “You’re a terrible patient, you know that?” 

There’s that grin again. All charm. “So Nurse Jabara keeps telling me.” He replies, like the pain in the ass he is.

“You should listen to her. She’s always right,” Kira sticks the hypo in his neck, and watches his shoulders instantly sink down a notch. She didn’t even realize how tense he was, “Better?” She asks. 

Julian takes a deep breath. Probably the first one he’s taken all day. “…Much,” He admits, with the decency to look a little sheepish, “Thank you, Major.” His smile’s a bit less charm now, a bit more sincere.

Kira finds herself smiling back. “Anytime,” She says. She shoots a quick look around, regaining her bearings a bit now that they’re both taken care of. She can still hear blasters firing, but not as close. They might’ve moved off somewhere else. Or they could be waiting, “We should probably get moving.” She suggests.

“Probably,” Julian agrees, “Just one problem, though. I don’t think I can walk.” He tells her.

Kira figured. “Can you limp?” She asks, “I’ve still got two good shoulders, both perfectly good for leaning on.” She offers, patting her shoulder for emphasis.

There’s that glint in his eye. First time she’s seen it today- stubborn determination, or, in another word, cocky. “I think I can manage that.” He says.

Kira grins. “Great,” She ducks in and gets her arm around his waist, pulling him in snug against her as he wraps his arm around her shoulders, “Alright, lean on me. Steady. And…” She pushes herself up, and brings him with her. He leans heavy into her side, and she tightens her hold on him to keep him steady, “Up we go. Ready?” She asks.

Julian takes a moment to find his balance, shifting most of his weight off of his injured leg and compensating on Kira’s shoulder. “As I can be,” He tells her with a nod, “Let’s go.”

And they’re off. Making quite the sight as they hobble back into the action, pressed hip to hip and clinging tight to each other. But, hey, they’re still kicking, and they’ve still got their phasers, so they’ll make do. They always do. 

[choccy-milky]

Their kids are so cute omg i'm gonna dir of adorableness

lewis: then die LMFAOO NO BUT FRR THANK UU IM GLAD U THINK SO🥹🥹💖💖💖all the love for them (esp lewis) gave me the idea to draw him deflecting all the attention so ty for giving me the excuse to post it....we luv our aloof distant boi🥰

its funny bc i was JUST talking about this recently, but i dont like pet names at all BAHAH, hence why seb and clora dont call each other anything, not even nicknames.... seb calls her the light/princess/a bird sometimes as playful and teasing jokes, but doesnt actually address her like that. and clora always calls sebastian by his full name as well, bc i was basing her dialogue/my writing off the game dialogue...bc for as close as anne and ominis are to seb, both of THEM call him sebastian in full, so maybe it was a victorian thing that nicknames werent really common? plus clora's so proper that it just feels like its in her personality to always call seb "sebastian"... i feel like if she ever DID call him "seb" he'd do a double take and be like ...HUH? who are you???......are you polyjuiced? LMAO. i do imagine seb calling clora "love" when they get older tho (not in hogwarts) bc i like how simple it is, and imagining him saying stuff like 'careful, love' makes me🫠🫠🫠🫠

aw TYY💖💖 honestly i didnt give the victorian setting TOO much thought, other than making clora more modest/not used to wearing trousers etc. like the actual victorian courting process was that youd ALWAYS be chaperoned by at least 1 other person and you wouldnt be able to kiss or anything, so the fact that our mcs are in a co-ed school with free reign already ruins that, so i wouldnt worry too much about it. a lot of it you can just wave off with the excuse that wizard society is more advanced than muggle society, which is true anyway LOL. i just kept the parts that i thought were fun/made it feel victorian ENOUGH but got rid of the stuff that was too annoying (one big example being the amount of clothing they wear....i said it in the notes for one of my chapters, but i wasnt about to make seb go through like 5 different layers just to touch cloras titty LMFAO) and no i didnt have 1 specific website i used, id just google "blank in victorian times" and look through all the articles and resources i could on that subject, and take little bits of it. SO YEA i wouldnt worry about it too much, just take what you want if you think it could enrich your story, and leave stuff out if its annoying to deal with BHAHA. and GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR WRITING!!💖💖

BAHAHA yeah sebs bark was defs bigger than his bite when it came to actually having kids/getting clora pregnant LOL. he defs loves the pregnancy part, but i feel like seeing her go through the actual labour was super hard on him/made him feel guilty bc he hates to see her in pain, let alone bc of HIM. not to mention that i imagine he would still work even once they have kids, so to leave clora with like 6 kids by herself isnt something he would have wanted to do LOL. once both lewis and celeste are in hogwarts tho i actually imagine seb and clora still doing curse breaking as well (albeit less dangerous jobs/not as far away) BUT YES having a third kid that looks like seb and is sassy like anne would be SO CUTEEE...a happy accident is a good idea too, tho i kinda like the idea of it being cloras idea.....like, she gets baby fever again now that the kids are kinda growing up and sebs like no i dont wanna put u through that again... but obvs seb wouldnt be able to resist if clora was begging seb to put a baby in her LMFAOOO its already as good as done at that point😇😇 AND THANK YOU, and im glad you liked it!!!🥹💖💖💖

@the-kcm-muggleborn AWWW ur right thats so pretty.....ty for showing me!!🥹and im glad it make you think of clora...SHE WOULD APPROVE OF THESE STUDIES👌⭐🌙

[autisticjoshrusso]

ok ok ok. a post about josh, buck, and maddie at dispatch as promised. (and because i dont feel like writing a whole separate post or repeating myself etc, if im pointing something out as evidence for my autistic josh headcanon, it'll be in parenthesis like this) also this is long because im going basically line by line in some places so just be prepared for that and such.

the first thing i wanna say before anything else is that like... as far as how this conversation fits into the larger narrative, i was fairly disappointed, due to the way that including this scene like this is kinda implying that the racism was fine because of being closeted etc. HOWEVER. luckily for my sanity it is pretty clear that from a character perspective, that's not at all what's being said by josh himself here, and we can be pretty certain that he is not aware of tommy's past behaviors. in fact he has almost no facts or context about the situation, which i'll get into later.

now that the disclaimer is out of the way, im gonna move onto character analysis and will not be touching on what i think the narrative might have meant etc. any further. like this is going to be purely talking about character dynamics and dissecting the dialogue etc.

we start out right away by skipping all the exposition right into a hard cut of maddie reacting to the news that tommy and abby were engaged. LOVE this set up we get right into the important part quickly and we as the audience only have to hear information that is new to us, not the information being repeated back to the character for whom the information is new.

and oh maddie. i love you so bad. she's like DAMN thats crazy, and then makes the obvious turning people gay joke. her energy here is sooo like it didn't make sense until looking at it in retrospect, but she's shocked and invested yet not taking it very seriously as a concern for buck, because well, she's having a baby and this is objectively not that serious comparatively <3 but i do love that she sees buck's reaction and quickly reins it in and is like woah im kidding im not actually being homophobic holy smokes. which. it kinda still is a little. but i think she's allowed <3

and then... josh enters the scene. he apparently only walked in as buck was saying "-kissed a boy" so of course he had to be like huh? gay shit? something gay? boys?? what's going on over here? and i love that for him. and i love that maddie immediately is like oh hi bestie i catch u up to speed on the tea <3 the maddiejosh bestieism is so back we never lose <3 and that fact that she's like. feeding in the facts in a way to dramatically amp up the tale i love it. she really said man the things my baby brother gets himself caught up in are wild.... anyway <3 true sibling behavior is finding the perfect balance between being supportive and being so so annoying <3

and she is supportive still. like when it becomes clear that there's something deeper going on here she does try to help him work through it. and its so interesting to me the way she is sort of seriously contemplating his words and is shocked when josh not only speaks up but is being very serious and equally focused on the problem at hand. it's like... she's trying so hard to figure out how to help her brother with something she doesn't fully understand that having someone else speak up to help them kind of shocks her and boy does that say something about their lives and the buckley sibling dynamic!

side note, the way josh is jokingly like "she didn't bring her personal life to work, unlike SOME people" and maddie's little look of mock offense?? they're so cute i cant handle it.

i also really love how the shots are framed during this conversation. at first, even when she's not talking and is just listening to josh talk, maddie is still in frame, we're still getting her reaction, she's an active participant in what's going on. and then there is the one shot where she's talking and josh is out of frame, hidden by buck, because whatever reaction he might be having isn't important, it's a buckley sibling moment. (he's not an active participant at that point; he's entirely observing and reacting and gathering information, not dictating the direction of the conversation whatsoever.)

it's only when josh gets very serious and it starts to turn into a heart to heart moment just between him and buck that maddie is allowed to leave the frame. it still goes back to her in very brief cuts when her reaction is relevant, but she steps back out of focus and let's josh handle the conversation. and i love that so much. thank GOD someone else is helping buck sort out his problems that isn't his parentified sister or just generally someone more marginalized than him. it was kind of getting irritating to watch, as much as i love buck so much. like dude... the emotional labor. watch it.

and man. this conversation guys. everything about it makes me an insane crazy person. ive already mentioned this in the tags of some other posts but like... its so fascinating because on the surface it is such a cohesive conversation, but when you really break it down and analyze both of their expressions and body language alongside what they're saying, you can start to see the cracks in it. what one of them is saying is not what the other one is hearing, in both directions. they are having two different conversations and i think it's critical to analyze both of those conversations and how they are interacting with each other. what josh says, what josh hears, what buck says, and what buck hears are four entirely separate things happening alongside each other.

the first part is josh trying to get a sense for how serious this relationship is to buck. when buck falters at the question of "do you love him?", he elaborates with follow-up questions that, to josh, define "love" or close enough to it. answering "yes" to those questions is close enough to a "yes" to the question of "do you love him?".

(which. ok. the particular choice of questions makes me insane because they do essentially boil down to "do you prefer this person to solitude and grant them an equal or greater importance to yourself?" which is sooo... it's said from the point of view of someone who greatly values their solitude and would not easily grant someone that level of importance.)

unfortunately, well, buck is NOT someone who greatly values his solitude, and puts other people before himself quite easily. buck would answer "yes" to those questions for basically anyone. josh does not know or understand this about buck and takes buck's answers at face value, while buck is taking this as sort of... it's hard to explain, and i think others have done a better job of capturing buck's perspective already tbh. he's convincing himself that he loves tommy here because josh is unknowingly handing him that information and expectation, and buck loves to mold himself to fit an expectation etc.

and then comes the second part, which... i think this is where it is most critical to realize that josh has none of the context about tommy, abby, and buck and those respective relationships. by his own admission, he didn't really know much about abby or about her breakup with tommy beyond the fact that it was upsetting. he didn't hear the way tommy talked about abby to buck at dinner, and he definitely didn't get to see any of the real fallout and damage to her psyche that tommy leaving her caused.

but buck did! im not inclined to rewatch s1 to get any exact quotes or anything but from what i remember, she either outright said or implied that she was so heartbroken because tommy left her because of her mother's illness. buck is understandably very upset because he understands exactly what she went through and how, unless abby was lying to not out him, he didn't exactly come clean with the breakup, and left her feeling like it was her fault, like there was something wrong with her or she was being weighed down by caring for her mother. he calls tommy's behavior exactly what it is: dishonest and cruel.

but josh doesn't know this. all he is hearing is a young, freshly out bisexual calling a gay man "dishonest and cruel" for having been engaged to a woman for his own protection. and he responds exactly how you'd expect! he reminds him of queer history and the fact that he doesn't really have a right to judge the people who grew up and had to survive in a world that was much less safe to come out in.

(and i said in my other post that's still doing numbers that "pre-Glee/post-Glee" is an actual queer discourse talking point and makes sense that it'd be used here, as awkward and cheesy as it seems, but it's also a win for my television/film/popular media/hollywood culture/etc. as a special interest headcanon. <3 we love to see it)

and it kills me because of course buck is just going to take this at face value and decide he needs to stop feeling the discomfort he's feeling, leading to the subsequent doubling down and over committing that is typical of his unhealthy relationship patterns.

(and then at the end of the speech josh has to literally announce that he's leaving DSJFHJKDSKJ. because walking away/ending conversations is so awkward and difficult and the easiest way to mitigate that is to lean into the Dramatic Homosexual Stereotype mask or whatever <3 i've long been of the opinion that josh is someone who uses the behaviors associated with queer men and queer masculinity as the blueprint for his neurotypical mask, which is why he often comes across as being just a little bit off from the Funny and Bitchy Gay vibes that it seems like he's going for. and boy did his exit from this scene just reinforce that headcanon so hard!)

they wrap the scene with a little bit more levity too which is kind of nice to like. move on from that. because it got kind of heavy there for a second.

overall i do like what this scene accomplished, but like i said at the start, i think it has some really unfortunate implications that weigh it down for me. still, always nice to get more josh content, especially when it's pretty consistent with his character as established AND not at all related to doing his job. we got to see him and maddie being goofy and maddie being allowed to let someone else deal with buck's problems for a second. and the whole thing was very well shot! excellent camera work going on throughout.

i don't actually know how to end this post so yknow. im gonna make a dramatic exit now or whatever <3

[cadaveerie]

the things i'm the most and least excited about for Dragon Age: The Veilguard!

includes DATV spoilers from the trailers and articles

i might continuously edit this post until the game actually launches as we receive new info!

all of these have been confirmed by the devs, except for those in which i clarify the opposite (ie: those that i write with a "possibly", which have probably been only suggested). if you want the source for any of these specifically let me know!

and a big shoutout to felassan for answering my question, because i started wondering if i just made up the 'pause during cutscene' thing, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out where I'd heard that lol

anyway, here it is!

GENERAL

no EA app or online mode/internet to play the game

pause during cutscenes

interruptible and resumable banter

no micro-transactions

CC

the character creator!!! - more diverse bodies, better (and darker. and better dark) skin tones and afro-textured hair!

change of voice pitch for Rook!

trans Rook! they/them Rook! and the ability to express that in-game!

b-bulge slider.......? t-tittie slider?????

different lighting options in character creator :]

in-game name suggestions for rook :]

nudity :D:D:D SEXOOO

PURPLE ROOK!!!!! (sarcastic/charming, like hawke. im gonna be insufferable to solas specifically)

CHARACTERS

"not that skeleton, but we're not saying no skeletons" as an answer to whether we can romance manfred (..... the fuck. idk what that means but... im game)

bi/pan romanceable companions! - it makes me happy, especially as someone non-binary and genderfluid. i'll die on this hill

paraphrasing: “the most romantic game yet”..... mmmm… yes….

the companions overall... i rly like both the designs and what we know of them

"are there companions gifts again" John: "(...) you very well might find things in the world that certain companions would appreciate!"

John: "Not going to get into specifics on interactables, but there is more to do in the Lighthouse than conversations with companions. The Lighthouse does have a kitchen, and your companions acknowledge it/use it both narratively and ambiently. Some maybe better than others."

more focus and intentionality on the companions' stories and relationships! yay!

inquisitor presence :D

maybe solas and inky? - not confirmed that they'll interact, but pleaaaase let them. no matter if it's a romance, friendship or hateful relationship, i need to see a reunion

the relationship between solas and rook! - from what they'd said it looks like they're gonna have a fun dynamic!!! i hope that it's kind of a bad relationship but that at some points there can be some appreciation, or respect. i think they said that it could be change, depending on you

cameos!!! - we know there will be some. confirmed morrigan cameo! my bets for others are on dorian (and mae), fenris (copium), zevran (copiumx2). and maybe these are reaches but... perhaps cassandra? leliana? illario? alistair? sten? either way im looking forward to it!

700 characters (wtf)

140,000 lines of dialogue (wtf x2. almost double of Inquisition's (80,000))

DREADWOLF WOLF FORM! DREADWOLF WOLF FORM!!! *scratches his belly*

LORE

visiting places we have never seen before like Tevinter, Antiva, Anderfels, Nevarra, Rivain, etc

more thedas deep lore!!! - elven gods! and this hasn't been confirmed, but since we'll go there... will there be tevinter lore? anderfels lore? rivain lore? antivan lore? titans lore (my theory is because of Harding)!?

GRAPHICS and CUSTOMIZATION

possibly a camera mode

beautiful textures!

beautiful landscape!

very nice hair physics! (big improvement)

gear customization + transmog

enable/disable helmets for cutscenes

COMBAT

I rly like the subclasses… they feel so…. gothic

combat looks more dynamic overall!

combos with the companions!

finisher animations!

mages can move while attacking apparently?

and they^ can use staffs, daggers and orbs :0

parry + shield toss :0

and i'm just excited to see how it actually feels while playing and how everything progresses!

things I'm kinda sad/disappointed about. just a little

only can bring two companions along (probably a 3 party total?)

probably no trans, they/them or they/x companions? :( (im assuming there will be characters that are trans (mae) and go by them/them or multiple pronouns, but i mean companions specifically)

only 7 companions. i was a little disappointed at first but tbh im fine w it now haha

they haven't talked about rook as a character much so im a little worried about that, their personal journey, their dialogue etc :')

that rook doesn't seem to have different beginnings depending on his origin :( not a huge deal but tbh i loved that about origins

can't choose multiple pronouns :( perhaps it's possible? they've explicitly said that you can go by he, she or they, but i don't think that implies multiple at the same time. it can't be that hard to program it so that it randomly changes between two or more pronouns, right? idk about game development so i dont actually know, sorry if i'm ignorant

this is suuuper nitpicky but in relation to the graphics.. i kinda wish the skins looked slightly.. different? idk how to put it, but they look kind of smooth? maybe too much? i just wish they had a little bit more texture, it kinda looks like they have a beauty filter, imo, and i think it would look better if they look slightly differently

and i have mixed feelings about how the characters are stylized overall. like... y'know, the whole "cartoony" discourse. at first i didnt like it at all, but since we've seen more im way more on board. still... i kinda feel like some things could look a bit nicer

idk how i feel about how the darkspawn look. like it's not a huge deal to me either, but... i just wish they looked different. lol. they do look a little bit goofy

and idk if i like the... veiny/nervous system looking-thing in demons either? like, i like it in theory but tbh in practice im not too sure

the remake of the warden's logo :((

that's it!

tbh im just happy about most things they've said and shown so far. i think a lot of these things are a good sign. also, things like the "not ea app necessary" make me inclined to believe that this is something they've had to fight for (cause you know, if ea could choose they'd do things their way) and that's something i appreciate a lot. that's why i think this and a lot of other choices and changes they've made in relation to the last game, are good signs that they've listened to our feedback in a lot of things! and i hope this reflects in the entirety of the game. i hope it's the case. idk i'm positive about this game! a little scared ofc, because i care and i want it to be as good as possible, but excited nonetheless!

are there things i didn't include but that you are excited about? what are you looking the most forward to, overall? i'd appreciate to see your excitement and know what you like the most!

[qoldenskies]

okay...genuine question before I take my energy drinks and finish my work somehow WITHOUT my Grammarly subscription...

is there anything you would like to see in a cc fic? Like, something that would work no matter what someone would be writing? A scene, a dialogue, an action, like, literally anything.

I know you like to just see people's interpretations and headcanons, and that your easy to please, but idk. I just want to be able to add something, no matter what that is, that you yourself would want to see. (One would might say a little print). It is in the perspective of Donnie. I miiiight change perspectives, but it'll prob be once or twice. I have no idea how long or short it's gonna be. I still haven't landed on the intro, just the ending... but still, I want it to be a love letter to you. A very formal, yet personal love letter that may or may not make you smile or cry or throw up or whatever bodily action it might get out of you-

(I SWEAR if I put all this time and thought into this and ao3 ends up crashing on me or not letting me upload it or somehow not gifting it to you I will RIP MY SKIN OFF)

God knows it's gonna take me like 45 minutes to figure out how to tag on ao3...honest to god that's probably the biggest thing I'm gonna screw up. This is quite literally the only thing I will have ever posted, lol. Anyway, love ya, and I hope you like whatever I end up making. It's prob gonna be pretty out of character, but I've tried to get to understand your thought process and have read most of your breakdowns of his character, so hopefully I get something right :]

HRNGNGHHHH wow this is a lot of pressure!! i do have some ideas for what i would want to see but they're mostly scenes that didnt get put in cc (that i dont plan on ever writing) due to them being redundant or already vaguely explained-- that being the immediate aftermath of CL (it haunts me dawg, both raph or splinter's povs there would be awful and heartbreaking) and the day leo was gone to go ineffectively throw hands with kitsune, because that includes the whole "you have one month left" news broken to donnie, who was Not doing well and calling for leo the whole time, and draxum was watching all of this happen/being filled in more thoroughly about what happened (honestly potential to write from his pov? i originally planned on including draxum more thoroughly in cw after chapter 13 but it never came to pass .... but if anything i could see all of this putting him in the reluctant father figure position more than ever, especially with donnie ngl). i couldnt really twist either of these in a way that felt worth writing them so i leave them up to interpretation! but that's more premise-related stuff and im not sure if you have more fleshed out ideas for what you want to go with. also theyre both coda premises lolol

otherwise its :') youre so sweet!! its hard to fathom that ive done anything to deserve a love letter like that. i am in fact very easy to please i suppose ,,, i find joy in the fact that every style and interpretation of my work is different, and i adore when people put their own spin on my concepts and mold it to make it something their own!! its why i reread cc fics so much. go at your own pace and dont worry about making it perfect, the fact that you want to do something like this at all already means the world to me!

[kinardsevan]

this was actually a Send Me Asks list I posted back in June, but I'm bored and want to answer these anyway sooooo. enjoy.

🫓 What is your most popular fic? -this really depends on which metric we base it on. hits: empty bones. comments: empty bones. kudos: the saboteur (in terms of WIPs and not one shots, aneurysm fic is first) bookmarks: it's gonna be alright (piece by piece) [aka aneurysm fic] that all said, these two get just about equal attention (which is why I love them both equally)

🥘 What category do most of your fics fall under? 😂😂😂😂😂 emotional angst, hurt/comfort. my friends have a lot to say about it too 😂😂😂😂

🍲 When did you start writing and why? literally as a little kid, because my mom told me about her writing poetry as a little kid and gaining recognition for it. i thought that was cool. given the fact that I'm now a published poet and have had a group exhibition, I'd say my artistry is paying off.

🍱 Do you read your own fics? yes and no? I don't read all of them, but with stories like aneurysm fic and empty bones (and a little bit the devil doesn't bargain), I need to refer back to them for information. Plus, I tend to write shit I end up being really proud of, and I like to read those scenes back to myself.

🍛 Have any comments, tags or reactions to one of your fics every made you laugh or cry or both? make me laugh? all the time. @im-turnip and @girlwonder-writes always entertain me with their responses. I haven't really ever had one that's made me cry, but every time I've gotten a review on Empty Bones (or Lost That War in the PLL fandom) about the way people could relate... I screenshot and save those babies as memories that someone else understands it too. Makes me feel less alone and more understood.

🍜 Do you ever feel pressured to write? fuck yes. I thrive off of positive reinforcement, and at one point last summer I was posting EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. Waking up to those reviews drove me to write even more. Now that I'm back in school and have less time to write, it's harder to generate content, but I still crave that attention. But even beyond that, I know there are people waiting to see what's going to happen (fun fact: you and I are going to find out together 😂), and I don't like the idea of letting them down.

🍠 How long does it take you to write one of your fics or a chapter/part? ....depends. if I have the time, an 8-10k chapter can be cranked out in about 3 days, sometimes less. For something with chapters the length of aneurysm fic (which started at 10k and now have some as long as 20k)....weeks? chapter 6 probably won't be done before November. Honestly it just depends on how much detail goes into one scene and how much I've mapped that dialogue out in my head.

🍢 Have you ever gotten hate on a fic? yes. not in the 911 fandom (yet...that i can remember lmao), but way back when I was a teenager writing in the tslotat fandom, I got it more than once.

🍣 What helps you focus or get in the mood to write? music. youtube videos. little 'what-if' scenarios.

🍥 What's your favorite fic you've written? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

DON'T ME PICK BETWEEN THE TWINS, OK?

Ok ok, though... it's empty bones. BUT. It's my heart and soul and I just... you know?

But also, it's aneurysm fic, because of the level of work and research and it's my little baby and and and. So.... you know?

🥮 Do you have any writing milestones you're working toward? I know at the end of the summer I was closing in on like 400k on the year. I'd like to hit 5 and maybe even further. in the depths of my depression in 2013, when I quit writing, I'd done roughly 750k that year (for a fully calendar year), and there's something enticing about breaking that record, especially knowing my mind is in a completely different place these days.

🍡 Which of your fics was the most emotionally difficult to write? One Tear At A Time. I wrote that entire series off the heels of my friend dying when we were 21. I had a really hard time dealing with it, especially because I was living at home with unmedicated, severe depression and no prospects for my future. He was married, in the army, with a baby on the way. I used that story as a vehicle to really face my issues with the fact that I was angry about my own situation and also talk about what it's like to lose someone you were once in love with at such a young age, but I still cried while working on it.

🍘 Is there a fic or idea for a fic that you've abandoned? oh absolutely. 40 Days was supposed to be a 4 story arc. I wrote two of them and started the third....and then fell off hard.

in terms of what I'm working on now.... I mean I still have my list of ideas. I wouldn't say I've abandoned anything newer, mostly that I'm just super busy and haven't found time to get back to them. even with Your Arson's Match, I know what happens next. I just have to get around to it 😂😂😂😂

🍙 Is there a fic you wish had gotten more attention? I mean selfishly I want them all to 😂😂😂 However, I realize that I write a particular brand of fic (angst) for a ship that, while it's doing well, isn't the #1 ship for its show. That all said... empty bones and aneurysm fic 😂😂😂😂😂😂

🍚 What genre do you have the toughest time writing? .... .... .... ( @girlwonder-writes no one asked you 😂😂😂) ...fluff.... LIFE IS PAINFUL OK. I NEED TO PROCESS THE ICK. 😂

[aurumalatus]

Anons being rude is just.. not it >:( If they don't like seeing you or whatever you make, they should just block!! Simple. But. More importantly, I am here to say that I really adore your writing!! I'm not very interested in romance, even in fiction, and you managed to make me giggle and kick my legs like a high schooler!!!! (It's all abt the yearning I love it when I see characters yearn and do nothing about it)

Your dialogue specifically makes me go insane. (In a good way of course) A big problem I had (both past and present) while browsing fics for either Xiao or Kinich is that I couldn't find many with dialogue I could reasonably conclude 'yeah they would say that' But you?? Banger line after banger line. I CAN HEAR THEIR VOICES WHEN I READ YOUR STUFF!!! It makes me so genuinely happy :]]

Anyways! The things you've written so far are so up my alley, so thank you for writing and posting them!!! Angst with no happy ending.. Mutual pining... Shit so good it's in a frame. Hopefully the anon stuff stops soon <3! Really looking forward to seeing whatever you write next :]

hello hello anon!!! first of all thank u for this ask!!! i love reading everyones thoughts esp when theyre long and detailed hahaha

im glad u enjoy my dialogue too! for the characters u mentioned specifically, i think its rlly rlly hard bc canonically those two like …. just dont talk very much LOL. but no talking makes it hard to drive a fic sometimes so u gotta force it which can be rlly difficult… even i sometimes am like fuck it we r just gonna go on vibes LOL

thank u so much for reading!! i hope u enjoy my future writing as well

[aspergasm]

anon from last time (or at least last post) and IM BACK I FINISHED THE FIC. m gonna explode, dickriding your writing again, stuff i didnt mention last time is that you write patrick's pov amazingly, it feels very him and you nail it. the descriptions and in depths of shit is so good, and you tend leave a good setting every scene to imagine in the head as it goes down. and i love that the sexual scenes are never just sexual scenes to be there, they add and i love patrick's conscious rambling while it all happens and his own little details. also, how you write side-ish characters like price and all, i think you accomplish their personalitys or at least dialogue really nicely

now the way the last chapter goes is amazing i love the random switch up with a script like writing and i hate-love that you leave it open ended, more love really, duh

the little hints that paul may or may not be there, that he really killed him and this is all just perhaps in his head, mixing in and out of reality - or really it's just patrick's nervous conscious blending in the realities of his mind and digging himself a bigger mental hole and he is alive but still avoiding him and patrick is hallucinating him - or that really paul is there and patrick is losing it and shutting him out and making himself think paul has gone away but he hasnt. at all.

theres just so many wrecking possibilities that you leave us the reader with and I LOVE IT

actually magnificent. fucks hard. i love how you wrote the parts where patrick is just down in the dumps. i cant explain it but the way he's in major shambles is great, and greatly in character - paul realizing patrick wanted to kill him at first and making that an irredeemable fact and all (thank GOD), plus patrick's realization that he figured it out is asfjchjd super.

ive got a loose storyboard of an animatic (that may or may not just stay in my drafts if i ever finish but i NEED to inform you of the song at least) with the song "cornerstone" by arctic monkeys, it's very this fic to me, hopeless patrick for the win, down the lane of after the events of the fic + paul calling back and all was a hallucination of his

again, im actually losing it i heart this fic

omg omg omg ily ily ily

THANK YOU SO MUCH! I SO appreciate you saying that the sex scenes aren’t there just for the sake of smut because YES!! I PUT SM THOUGHT INTO THAT SHIT!! ITS NOT JUST FREAKY- It’s like, I’m not gooning I AM ANALYZING. To me, this project was just like a HUGE exploration on Patrick’s sexuality, and the struggle that it puts him through. Internalized homophobia for the win!! Anyways ily for that, I realize that there was like a lot of smut going on there and I SO hoped that it never was feeling repetitive, so yay. also “dickriding your writing” made me laugh out loud pls.

I’m super glad you’re happy with my ending!! And that the kinda openendedness that i tried to end it with seems to have gone over pretty well, in a true American Psycho fashion!! Like, what is real! What is not? Do I even know?! IDK?! And you’re so right. Sad Patrick Bateman is the best Patrick Bateman.

also. Omg. omgomgO!M!G!

I AM FREAKING OUT!!! WDYMMMM YOU HAVE AN ANIMATIC DRAFTED BASED ON MY FIC!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! AHH!!! ILY!!

I NEED to see it someday. My life will never feel complete if I don’t get to see it someday. Omg. If you ever do finish it PLEASE SEND IT MY WAY OMG!

As much as I love hearing people’s thoughts on my work and my writing- and I LOVE THAT SHIT IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY !!-

NOTHING compares to what it makes me feel that MY artform inspired SOMEBODY ELSE to create something. like, that is just so nice and sweet and omg omg omg im giggling and kicking my feet and omg just feeling all warm and fuzzy inside and omg

The funny thing is is that MY ASS CAN NOT ANIMATE!! BUT I HAVE SO MANY THINGS GOING ON IN MY HEAD AND SUCH VIVID PICTURES OF ANIMATIONS TO LITERALLY GO WITH MY FIC!! BUT IM SO NOT TECH SAVVY SO I CANT DO TS!!!

i don’t even care how rough you think it is, i hope i get to see it someday :) Just remember- it took me a LOT of convincing for me to post my writing in the first place cuz i didn’t think it was that good! we’re all our own biggest critiques!! I would love to see it one day! but then again, if not, no biggie! the sentiment means a lot to me at least~

and I listened to the song, a few times actually! and omg are you right or what! it’s very fitting!

“nothing but a vision trick” “close enough to be your ghost” “And tell me, where's your hiding place? I'm worried I'll forget your face and I've asked everyone. IM BEGINNING TO THINK I IMAGINED YOU ALL ALONG?!!!”

gosh. just the coolest people read my writing- It makes me so happy :) I’m so glad you liked it and THANK YOU! AHH!! MWAH!

[kaleidosouls]

im too lazy to put the vpn on to tweet so im gonna tumblr post; talk watch abt the amazing digital circus ep 3 (spoilers ofc) [Edit: i had more thoughts i guess il put it in the replies bc tumblr has those now? maybe itll be more accessible for my twitter generated yapping disorder)

finally some appreciation for my man and favourite character kingler like he goddamn DESERVES. i actually have not enjoyed tadc very much theres so much i rly dislike abt it but its like super well produced and indie so like you watch to be on the loop (i wish it was actually rendered closer to the quality of cd games from the 2000s that it seemed to be referencing but like, it looks how it looks and thats how it is), i rly disliked the script for the mpst part in the first 2 eps but ive loved kingler from day 1 so having an ep with mostly just him and pomni (i have mixed feelings on her too but w/e) was great great great and we had some lore n stuff but rly like i could smell a fellow traumatized man whos a bit wacky to cope from miles away and im glad to be proven Right

sorry im older man fucker so he rly hits all the boxes bc hes actually so sweet and helpful hes just mentally unstable (love him for that) and a lot of his endearing like caring nature comes thru in the physical aspect of the character and with less dialogue, rly the less dialogue the show has the better, idk who does the scripts and i dont wanna diss them but like oof i fucking hate it shkdh like its not like its never funny but its just, off, ive still not been able to properly explain to my wife the way that its off to me, and it bothers me to not be able to cohere those emotions! anyway

kingler so cute so very handsome and uwu so gentle and kind 💖💖💖 i love how gentle he is and good to pomni (ofc ppl are gonna call it fatherly or god forbid grandfatherly when hes like 40, and now if you ship them ppl will say its incesty when theyre two grown adults but w/e) like idk i just love a kind mentally unwell man!!! im simple!!! him just overexposing at the near end in dialogue was rly awkward in the writing like man they just, the dialogue is so not good. but in theory his character is so good and the thing abt the darkness and such was sweet. like hes just always been so endearing and the ep just gives a lot of free real estate kingler screentime to drink with my eyeballs, it doesnt change my opinion on the character at all bc ive always loved him this much

the rest was ok just the typical fare for the most part, like tadc rly often makes me so dissatisfied bc it has so So much potential but the ways it kinda just ends up like a dumbed down typical cartoon is really meh. i do love caine though and more proof that hes a non malicious (although maybe harmfully ignorant) ai. his gags almost land for me if they werent really Really lampshaded, i love how much he cares but is incapable (yet) of improving, i thought it was sweet zooble was so earnest with him. like, the whole tadc def improves the less mean spirited it is, for me. which is hard bc the most favoured character is rancid mean disney purple guy.

gghh why is this show so agdidhsifirh (gestures of anger) like its like, much worse ENA or smth but i know theres more that bothers me abt it than that, and i cant grasp it. im stil in hell irl so i cant cohere a lot in general so w/e, i need to chill and let go. i did like the horror trophy head designs of everyone that i could see (i wanted to get a better look at kinglers but i couldnt find a good frame from watching on my phone) like they were super over the top and fun. i wish the settings they travelled to still felt like, even remotely circusy? they truly feel like just we’re in a different cartoon. but its ok i only hate 749374947493 things abt the shows style choices

i want a framed photo of kingler so i could kiss it. or maybe i could trt to makena plush of him. he is my beloved to hurt/comfort. hes wacky and nice and traumatized and has memory issues and i wuv him

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Some of you have probably noticed that I havent made a liveblog post in a while. Well, thats because I usually read on the bus and during my classes and then I come home and summarize my thoughts on the 2-5 chapters I read after theyve marinated in my head for a little while, but unfortunately i appear to be incapacited at the moment so I cant do that. But because its been weeks and I dont wanna forget anything and I would very much like to finish this series soon, I'll try to read at home sometimes from now on. Since my brain is still a lil mush Im gonna do what I did for my last post, which is write down what Im thinking as Im reading instead of summarizing all my thoughts retroactively, except this time I have my german copy on hand so if I want to quote something it'll be a translation

Anyway, with all that said, welcome to my twisted mind, please enjoy my thoughts on A Court of Mist and Fury Chapters 40

Chapter 40

Ive been wanting to say this for a while now but i kept forgetting, but they translated 'winnowing' as 'den Wind spalten' ['splitting the wind'] and that is objectively so much cooler, shoutout to my gal Alexandra Ernst for that

Feyre being like "ugh, its so pathetic how these human guards think they could stand a chance against even one of us" hurts me so much you guys what have they done to my girl

Once again, its apparently perfectly fine if Rhysand doesnt tell Feyre anything "because she never asked" but if Tamlin doesnt tell her anything when she never asked hes the devil

Also once again, Feyre is perfectly not-triggered at Mor wearing a scarlet dress

Idk how to explain this, but Rhysand saying that Feyre is wearing a golden crown because "she looks so good with it, how could he not give her one" is somehow the perfect encapsulation of the hollowness of her High Lady title

Oh, of course three of the queens only showed up to watch the other two talk, itd be too hard to write dialogue if they actually participated in this important conversation

hello???? Feyre referring to humans as "your kind" ??? wth is going on

"every side bears some blame" hey rhysand ive got a question for ya. which side enslaved the other again

everytime the oldest queen does anything the prose feels the need to remind me of how old and wrinkly she is and its like, i get it, shes OLD

The oldest queen is spitting so hard rn, Im not even gonna question how they heard of the night court when Feyre, who lived closest to Prythian for many years, didnt know anything aout the individual courts prior to getting there herself, Im just gonna put her whole little monologue here: "Oh? [...] The High Lord of the Night Court asks that we join him so that we can save lives together? Fight for peace? And what about the lives that you have taken during your long, despicable existance? What about the High Lord who shrouds himself in darkness and destroys the mind of those who stand in his way? [...] We have heard of you on the continent, Rhysand. We have heard of what the Court of Night is capable of, what you do to your enemies. Peace? I wouldn't have thought that you - a man who enslaves the minds of others and kills them out of pure enjoyment - even know that word."

Anyway, she was spitting absolute bars and Feyre gets super mad about it and almost commits arson but manages to reign herself in and its like girlie, why are you so upset? one of the first things we find out about the night court in this book is that they apparently indiscriminately kill (or atleast torture) anyone who crosses the night court border without permission like theyre the fucking us government, i think the bad reputation is justified

Forgive me if I sound callous, but I have absolutely no sympathy for Rhysand flinching at the mention of Amarantha when Feyre didnt even use her name and is also talking about how she fucking DIED AT HER HANDS

God, I feel like I have something to say about every single line this post is gonna be like 10 thousand words long by the time Im done

So lets take it from the top; Feyre tries to convince the mortal queens to give them the half of the book by recounting to them how much everyone suffered under Amarantha and how she was gruesomely beaten to death and then revived, which is not a compelling argument to me, who actually witnessed all of that, much less these queens who have barely any context for anything shes saying right now

The oldest queen is like "you dont know anything about anything" which is true what the fuck does Feyre know about whats going on in the human world or even the fae world at large, and then Rhysand growls "dont you dare talk down to her!!" because shes passionate and speaking from the heart or whatever and its like, okay, shes still not good at politicking or even just basic negatioation and shes talking to a seasoned politician who old as fuck

Like, if Feyre was actually smart, she wouldve long since realized that she couldnt convince these queens to protect this little slip of land right up to prythians border and been like "okay, you dont wanna protect the land, but can you atleast organize an evacuation so you can atleast save the people" Sure, they definitely still wouldnt have agreed to that because its a sjm book and theyre written to be comically evil, but it would atleast demonstrate Feyre being a little savvy, because right now all we're getting is her being stupid and stubborn in a situation where she really cant afford that

god, im just now noticing how pissed off I am, its been bleeding into my commentary and its not gonna stop, Im sorry. wait no, if youre reading this youre probably looking for negativity, so youre welcome, actually

Anyway, Rhys also says that Feyre is a kindhearted soul looking out for people who cant defend themselves even though she definitely thought that those human guards were pathetic for wanting to defend themselves when she and the other fae were soooooo much more powerful and he definitely knows that because the mental bond is fully open during this meeting and he chastises the queens for being selfish and cowardly when its like, my brother in christ you are doing the exact same bullshit, but atleast the queens are defending a wholeass continent while hes defending one (1) city. and iirc that city ends up getting attacked and destroyed anyway so good job my guy

Theres something so oddly biblical about the story Mor is telling about Miriam, down to her name being Miriam

That island thats removed from time is such bullshit istg

Is it just me or have these bozos not actually explained what they even need the other half of the book for. theyre just like "we need to stop this war and we'd like peace between humans and fae" and its like cool, hows the book gonna help with that though

im sorry, feyre wants to punch that old woman in the face????

the chapter ends with Elain being like "I hope they burn in hell" and i get that, they just straight up said that they want to abandon a whole bunch of people (them included) to die if a war breaks out, but you cant say that the night court girlies are not also at fault for being so fucking bad at politics

[hatsukeii]

hiii! im relatively new to your blog, but after read just one fic (guess which hahah), im stunned. your writing falls into place like absolute poetry. i wanna ask which books/media inspire you write or influence your style! im also craving ring pops now lmao. all in all, thank you sm for all the great fics, im gonna have a very fun night reading them all 💗💗💗

hihihihi!! welcome to the blog!! so happy to hear that you enjoy my work<33

i like to think of my style as a bit of an amalgamation of everything i've consumed before, whether it's actual books or fanfiction :)

a lot of my dialogue is inspired by how i talk with my friends, as well as by normal people by sally rooney! i love the way that rooney writes dialogue, it's heartwrenching and to the point, and doesn't drag on, so it feels real! normal people is such a great read as well, i will never get over that book HAHA

in terms of my general style, im a big fan of imagery, since it's kinda right in my ballpark and one of my biggest strengths in writing. it does get a bit hard thinking of new descriptions for similar things, so im working to try and improve on that. i think it's always a good idea to incorporate symbolic imagery into more sentimental works, so that's where a lot of my personal voice is derived from when i write angsts or complex emotional connections!

when it comes to humour i tend to use deadpan dialogue and absurdity because it just hits different LOL idk how to explain it tbh im a fan of writing character and relationship dynamics that are feasible, but also relatable in a way that gets people giggling:)

if you go down a deep dive, you might realise that almost all of my works are inspired by lyrics and song titles, because i actually get most of my style from how a song sounds! that's why i have my playlist linked in my intro post LOL i like to just sit there and shut my eyes for like a solid minute with a song in the background so i can figure out what vibe im going for in a piece

anyways that's all i can think of atm, but thanks so much again for liking my writing! it makes me really happy to hear that my writing sounds like poetry to you like it makes me giggle and kick my feet a little bit ngl ;PP

[fearowkenya]

Winds of Change

Chapter 4: Stemming the Tide

It’s hard to hold onto hope when panic and fear take root and start to spread, climbing the notches of his spine and weaving back and forth between his ribs. But Ryo knows now, that hope and fear can both exist at once—he’s seen it for himself.

The group witnesses something that looks a lot like a miracle, but it's still not enough to chase away everybody's fears. Ryo and Shuuji each find themselves with separate demons to battle as they resist the pull of despair.

ao3 link in source, extended end-of-chapter author's note below!

editing this chapter took WAY longer than usual. I do two proofreads per chapter before i post, and if i edit more than a couple of sentences at any point, i start the entire proofread over. needless to say, i did a LOT of editing and rereading before finally making it to my posting checklist. ultimately though im pretty happy with it. mostly im just so glad to have finally posted the scene that was jokingly titled "labramon the egg wizard" so i could talk about how much I enjoy the title "labramon the egg wizard". jokes that are for me

anyway, "labramon the egg wizard" is one of the first parts of this fic that i wrote! there's a skeletal outline of the events in that section in my replay notes, though a lot about that scene has changed since then. it was always going to be labramon who was gonna help out though! why labramon..? … … well she's a dog , and it made me go 'heheh' to think of her doing pointer behaviors. no other reason (:

i know we get renamon egg in moral, but i don't actually remember much of what that looked like because it lasted like 2 seconds. thats absolutely NOT what i wanted for shuuji - i wanted it to be a scene that completely bodies him, where hes got this unexpected second chance hovering just beyond his reach, but he has to confront exactly what he's done in order to get it. i dont remember a lot of 02, but that one episode where ken goes looking for wormmons egg has this very specific vibe where its like, "here's some hope for you when youre at your lowest but never forget that you seriously fucked it up". it was brutal but beautiful and then i cried a bunch i think. idk it was a long time ago. maybe im completely misremembering that scene, who can say. thats how it lives in my memories tho

in any case, i definitely wanted it to be from ryo's perspective for the same reason that the aftermath of wendimon was from his pov. he's so much more observant than shuuji, who would not take notice of what the others are doing and saying while he's in the middle of getting pingponged between hope and gut-wrenching remorse.

the middle section, titled in the draft as "mcfreakin losin it", was a lot of fun too! the Plan(tm) at the beginning was something i edited in pretty late in proofreading. having an itemized list like that might feel more like a "shuuji thing" than a "ryo thing", but i think ryo's active effort to take responsibility and try to help kunemon with what hes stressed about would lend to him trying to come up with something a little more concrete. unfortunately for ryo, he has no backup plan for when the first one is turned upside down, and we all know what happens when something catches him off guard lmao. it was actually really interesting to write ryo in a position where he's witnessing more or less what he himself is like when he shuts down. being the one who has to snap shuuji out of this state has ryo realizing that this is what takuma and kunemon have to deal with when he's the one freaking out. i think that's kinda fun.

the last section has what feels to me like the most editing. it really wasn't a section that i spent a lot of time fiddling with until now because the bulk of it was quoting or paraphrasing existing dialogue from the start of part 6 for context, then diverging into what that scene looks like in a world where lopmon isn't around to be unable to explain what happened. like i said on ao3, as i was reading over the canon dialogue in truthful for reference, i realized i really just…didn't like it much. the argument escalates and de-escalates several times but never to a degree that feels all that extreme, and ends up feeling like it's just dragging out for no reason. people make their points at times that feel WEIRD, particularly ryo. lemme see if i can explain this.

so ryo doesnt say this til the latter half of this argument, and i HATED THAT because it's like… after everything he's been through with kunemon, it doesn't feel right that he's having those doubts. but i thought about it and i actually think it makes sense for him to have a momentary lapse where he slips back into old habits - letting fear take over and pushing away anything and anyone that has even the slightest chance of hurting him. he spent a LOT of time in that mindset, and even though he's working on reversing it, it's not gonna happen in a day. that said… the placement of ryo's doubts in the canon dialogue still feels super weird. i think it makes a lot more sense for him to panic at the very beginning of this argument, and then calm down as he remembers how solid his bond with kunemon is before sticking up for the digimon a little more aggressively. it just feels so passive in-canon when i think he would have taken a much more active role in defending falcomon and the others once 1) he remembers the context surrounding what happened in the waterway, and 2) he's reminded of how kunemon has helped him change.

i know some of the weird pacing of this dialogue is because the player needs to have input at some point, but i think takuma could've been much more powerless during this argument - the game has no problem taking away agency, since saving ryo is the only thing that will save shuuji, no matter what the player does. maybe im nitpicking, idk.

regardless, minoru's dialogue makes the most sense, but i still think it could have been condensed into a much sharper and more sudden escalation. it keeps being like "(minoru voice) IM MAD IM MAD" "(takuma voice) chill" "(minoru voice) oops sorry. … … … IM MAD IM MAD IM MAD" "(takuma voice) calm down" "(minoru voice) oops. … … … IM MAD IM MAD" etc etc etc. it just made the argument feel weak and drawn-out instead of intense and explosive.

i did keep some of it though! i thought that minoru's paranoia and sudden fear of trusting his partner was pretty compelling, which is why i kept those doubts in and quoted the lines about him wanting falcomon to prove his loyalty.

i chose those lines specifically because they say a LOT about minoru once you connect this argument with what i think is the root of his insecurities - his parents' divorce.

it's funny because as far as im aware, The Divorce doesn't even come up unless you choose an INCORRECT ANSWER in an OPTIONAL affinity event with minoru. im not 100% sure thats the only mention though! im currently at pt8 of my replay where the goal is to see every bit of truthful route dialogue possible. if it comes up in other routes, i managed to miss it lmao. anyway, because of that, for the longest time i thought The Divorce was just a popular headcanon, and didn't actually see that dialogue until recently. but as soon as i did i started looking at the stuff he does and says through the lens of somebody who was affected extremely poorly by his parents divorce, and it contextualized A LOT for me. suddenly the way he reacts in pt 6 makes so much sense, because imo falcomon turning around and killing him isn't his only concern: he's also terrified that he was vulnerable in front of someone who doesn't actually care.

pre-game minoru lacks a support system, and is afraid to rely on a new one. im not going to go on about it for too long because we'd be here all day, but im pretty sure that his parents divorce was MESSY, and he witnessed all of it. that same event where he mentions to takuma that his parents are divorced is also when he says that he doesn't think his mom has noticed that he's missing, even though at this point the kids believe that they've been gone for several days. he doesn't see his mother as support because she's too busy working, and since he doesn't even know where his father currently lives, clearly he doesnt get much if any support from his dad. the difficulty minoru has in shedding the goofy exterior and being genuine and vulnerable in front of people makes me think that he never found a support system to replace the one that he watched crumble in realtime when his parents split.

prior to part 6, we can assume that minoru started to see falcomon as someone that he could allow to see his insecurities. i also believe that minoru understood that shuuji and lopmon's relationship was supposed to look a lot like his and falcomon's, or like anybody else and their partner's. minoru could see lopmon trying to be supportive, so the dysfunction only seemed like it was on shuuji's end. so when lopmon flies off the handle and tries to murder shuuji, one of the things that minoru gets from it is that, no, actually, the trust and support that the digimon have for their partners is NOT unconditional. i think that watching this happen looks exactly like how it felt when the support system he'd had in his parents completely fell apart, except the lopmon situation comes with a fun extra "I'm going to kill you" sort of vibe that tells minoru that his relationship with falcomon is just not safe.

or worse, maybe that support system was never real in the first place. what if there was something darker beneath the surface that he just couldn't see?

anyway.

now, as dracmon says, all we gotta do is hurry up and wait. well. you do. i dont, im gonna be editing chapter 5 til the cows come home. im getting the distinct impression that it's gonna require even more reworking than this chapter did.

but that's neither here nor there - id love to hear your Gamer Theories about what im cooking up. there are a few things that are still going unaddressed after four chapters, and i wonder how much of it can be puzzled out based on what i've said so far. obviously im not able to see the story from a reader's perspective, so im not really able to gauge if the stuff that's being foreshadowed or otherwise implied is starting to become clearer. so please consider leaving a comment with what you think, or your favorite part or anything else that stood out to you! I'd much appreciate it. thank you for reading, and see you… mm… nnnnext…week…? ideally.

[starrazors]

more side order rambling and pointless speculation that will probably be incorrect

WARNING: im rambling and not really thinking about it TOO hard. also this is based on like 50 different theories that have a good chance of Not being true. also ignore grammar/spelling errors (im bad at writing)

i believe ive talked about how i think there could be a metaphor/straight up depiction of healing from traumatic situations and/or learning how to cope with mental health struggles in the game in the past? anyway im gonna do it Again

this kind of hinges off the belief that the octoling shown in the trailer is octarian/not from the splatlands (whatever the correct term is i forgot). if the octoling is from splatsville then uh whoopsie. this is Not Relevant and will age like milk. anyway

octarian society definitely has a lot of strife. especially when in the military. suddenly trying to enter inkopolis and being met with turf wars suddenly being for fun and almost a complete lack of strife has to be wayyyy too much for some octolings. ive mentioned this in a prior post though thats from the perspective that the sr octoling is agent 8 (which im hesitant to believe but this is not the main point for this post specifically) id just like this to be true to contrast with what i think will be a revolving point around marina

and yeah, thats my main point, i think marina will have stuff to work through, too. i dont think she'll be an antagonist, but rather someone who's doing the wrong things for the right reasons or someone who caused a bad situation (which ill just call the death of coral here) on accident while trying to help. she was in the military at a very young age and escaped to inkling society, but the stuff after final fest is what im thinking about.

i can really only bring up NOA dialogue (aside from one thing, if i can find the source for it), so this may be off, but i dont have the resources to look up a 100% authentic translation

the fest stressed her out, and she was very worried about the band breaking up. this is clear in dialogue

though of course pearl comforts her that this isnt the case, i wonder if that fear still lingers in her mind. im not too knowledgeable on marina's characterization (i heard NOA isnt either so, lol) but it seems in character. she definitely hasnt unpacked(? i believe that is the right word) the fear on screen as far as i can tell, though, and i think side order might be about that, a little.

what interests me most is this unused dialogue from if team order won, though:

of course its unused so it doesnt hold as much weight as canon dialogue, but i wonder if she'll hold a similar mentality. she has control, and she sees that she can shape the world. i dont fully agree with her changing everyone to be the same, since she later says this:

if she were to do anything, i think she'd change the world that may try to be like this, but something in it would be functionally unsound and cause the whole thing to break. im not sure if she even would in the first place but i can acknowledge the possibility. itd be ironic, shes good at building machinery but not building a utopia.

i dont think she needs to be saved in this scenario, i think its best if she were to save herself. but this is verrryyy speculative so i cant say much.

tangent aside. marina understanding and moving on/healing from her fears being compared to the protagonist octoling's own journey on recovering would be great. itd be even better with agent 8 in my opinion, since theyve clearly gone through Some Shit and definitely need therapy for it, but i dont want to speculate too much. im expecting all of this to be Wrong but i cant ignore that ive been thinking about it like this lol

[sirmidezz]

Erm hellur fellas

I'm aware its been some time since I have been on here, a lot has happened and I mean A LOT. Lets start off with explanation on what has been going: I used to live in Mexico when I first started posting on here, at first I had an American phone which allowed me to do a variety of things such as draw digital art without my phone glitching, able to make posts without it buffering and then deleting my work. I then got a Mexican phone from an oxxo (basically a gas station :'[) and that phone didn't seem to work like at all and I kept on having complications. so I wasn't able to post for quite a lot of time, even before I got my new phone I had zero internet connection so I wasn't even able to get on the internet or do basically a lot of things. More recently though I moved back here to America, so I was pretty busy with everything and everyone. I wont say I will be able to post more often now with the big move and everything but this time I can and I will try to post at least once a week. Another thing I want to discuss is about the new stuff I will be making content about, I will be dedicating this account to team fortress, yes after all of these years my friends managed to finally drag me into this wacky fandom and game and I can say I love it a lot more then I expected. I still will be writing about all of my other fandoms and stuff but I just want to let yall know I'm gonna be stuck with tf2 for some time as my main. What I also am gonna disclaim is certain topics that really require a TW for S@. recently I underwent a very traumatic experience that really changed my life, I wont get into details, but I'm really hoping to find people to share my story with and heal alongside me as I journey through the the unknown silence that comes after the S@, and for anyone else reading this who has been through stuff like this just know, you are still loved, you are heard, you are seen, and your not fighting this battle alone, my page is a safe space for everyone who has suffered stuff like this and I hope to one day be able to not only see others heal greatly but to also see myself grow from the experience I have had. It's hard thinking that stuff like this would've never happened to you but it suddenly does and now your lost on a road you would have never expected to be on because you always had it in a very convincing vision. I'm glad I'm able to be back on this platform and explore new ideas and see how much my mutuals have grown, even if they moved onto different fandoms I probably wont be apart of anytime soon lol. But any who, a big announcement, I wont be posting art a lot anymore until further notice but, I still will be posting stuff like silly headcannons, short excerpts of storys' I will be working on and random play dialogue with my favorite characters and a few OCs and my self inserts if I'm feeling the mood to be in my own worlds. but anyways to end this little note I would like to say that after all of this waiting I'm finally 16 so as my mother told me to type "clear the streets the beast is running wild." a reference to the fact im old enough to drive legally. :)

[betweenthings2]

this snippet. im sick. im unwell. you are an angst god and i am going to cry

“You can’t. You can’t undo it. You can’t undo what he did to me. You can’t fix it. You can’t help.”

STTOOOPPPP?? i might actually die . oh my god. ur gonna post this and everybody ive ever spoken to ever is going to know about it. oh mY GOD. "you cant undo what he did to me" im gonna throw up and die i want this on my headstone. BEAUTIFUL

George is silent for a moment. He’s not entirely sure what to say or how to respond to all the concerning things Matty’s just said. What comes out when he opens his mouth is, “Do you, I, you, kill yourself? Matty, fuck, Matty, do you wanna kill yourself?”

girl matty might not want to but i do after that ?!??!?!!? im in a state of Shock this is so like. IN A GOOD WAY BTW such a good way oh my god it's the way u've written matty being soo convinced george is like,, too good for him? or convinced he's not good enough for george, rather. im just so obsessed w how u write their dynamic in this universe like its SO good. matty's so hopeless and george is so sad for him and the way u've gotten that like. the way it affects the people close to u. oh my GOD. will never ever ever be able to explain how. amazing. u are. apologies for the fact this ask is practically incoherent too because it does Not do u justice like pls u are a GOD. ive been AFFECTED

First of all, thank you so much!! =)

Poor, poor fictional!Matty is so sad, but he's also so, so scared. He's trying so hard, but he's so scared and he doesn't know what to do with fictional!George's care and love, just thinks he's too broken for fictional!George.

Fictional!Matty is not actively suicidal, just to make that clear. He's just not doing great for the time being. He might be a little happier by the end, who knows. Not me. I don't even know where the end is yet.

I did cut part of Matty's dialogue that spawns another 2000 words of angst out of this, so there's significantly more to this, but you'll get that when I finally publish the fic. Also, don't die because you'll miss out on the other 10k+ words.

Anyways, thank you so much and the fic will be done soon, I promise! 💚💚