#different style for this but it was kind of painful so probably wont be doing it often | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

artemismoorea03 · 2 years ago

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Protective Urge (Chirp pt 2)

Yet another super fun collab between @monkiebois and I! This time we went more where each of us wrote parts of the story so the writing style shifts part way. I might edit this post later and change the word colors so people can tell who wrote what parts but I think the shift is already pretty easy to tell. IAnyways, this one is a bit less fluffy and has some minor violence. :D

I hope you all enjoy! Please check out @monkiebois profile to see some of their amazing art and works if you haven’t already!

This will also be posted on A03 under the same name :D

Sun Wukong tried to keep his 'issues' close to the vest. He didn't like to burden, bother, or worry others with his shortcomings, anxieties, and past mistakes. Though, it seemed like after he got a successor that's all he could think about.

The friends he had lost.

The friend he had killed.

The pain he caused others.

The headaches he occasionally still felt.

It was hard not to think about all of the things he had done wrong. The people he had hurt. The people who had hurt him. But the things he tried not to think about most was how his mistakes would affect MK in the future. He tried not to dwell on the fact that more people from his past would come to try and hurt MK in the future.

Macaque had been proof of that.

Sure, the kid claimed that Macaque was his friend. That Macaque helped save the day - which, yeah, Wukong had seen for himself but he still didn't believe it was out of the 'goodness of his heart' - and had made up for everything he did wrong. But none of that was Macaque.

Macaque wasn't the type of person who just did something because it was the 'right thing to do'. He was the type of greedy, self-centered and cold bastard that he had always been.

Those thoughts were only cemented by a phone call he got from Pigsy one fateful Friday. (Why he let MK convince him to give his number out to Pigsy and Sandy he would never remember.)

He didn't even get a chance to say "hello" before Pigsy's frantic voice asked.

"Where does Macaque live?!"

Wukong blinked in surprise. "Probably a dumpster somewhere." He said.

"Don't joke with me, Wukong! This is serious. He has the kid!"

Suddenly any other jokes he could have considered making were gone and replaced with panic. Wukong’s fur bristled slightly, his tail lashing as he got to his feet and walked out of his shrine.

"What happened?"

"No idea. I got a picture of MK… asleep? Unconscious? I can't tell but Macaque’s stupid scarf is in the photo and is the only clue we have to go on other than a message that says 'MK is mine now. He wont be coming back tonight.' With a stupid fuckin smiley face at the end of it!"

Wukong growled, mentally racking his brain to try and remember where MK had mentioned seeing Macaque in the past. All he could think about though was that damn rocky area they’d fought in! But if MK had been training with Macaque for a while he had to be training with him away from prying eyes. Plus MK had mentioned something about a play? So maybe a park? Though Macaque hardly seemed the park type… was there a different kind of ‘play’?

“Where was the kid last?” Wukong asked, jumping onto a cloud as it shot through the Water Curtain Cave, the waterfall opening just long enough for Wukong to slip out and fly towards the city of Megapolis.

“A delivery, when I got the message I sent Mei to the drop off. She found the tuk-tuk, signs of fight, and blood but no sign of the kid.”

Blood.

Macaque had hurt his kid hard enough to make him bleed?!

He clenched his fist, letting out a snarl. “We’ll find him. MK mentioned a ‘play’ once. What is it?”

“The Shadow Play! Tang, text Mei and tell her to check the theater. Also, message Sandy, he mentioned the other day that he saw Macaque near the pier. He might be living in the area.”

Shadow play.

His rage faltered for a second, his heart squeezing as he remembered the first time Macaque showed him his abilities. He had been so small, shy and quiet. He wasn’t one to speak out of turn and often just observed but that didn’t mean that Macaque wasn’t one of the first to point out when Wukong was being dumb. Wukong had respected that a lot and liked that he had somebody he could count on to call him out on his bullshit.

It’s why Wukong felt so drawn to Macaque in the first place, and insisted on spending time with him over many others. Perhaps that was part of the reason that Macaque let him watch the first time he used his shadows to put on a puppet show for the infants of the Troupe. From there Wukong got to watch as the stories that he told at dinners and parties were retold with shadows to the younger generation.

Was he still telling Wukong’s stories or was he telling his own stories now?

Wukong shook his head as he poured on the speed, getting closer to the city as he activated his gold vision and scanned the horizon. He couldn’t waste time caring about if Macaque liked telling stories still or not. Not when Macaque had his successor and had hurt him. If he got caught up in the past now then he wouldn’t be able to do what he needed to do in the present.

He just hoped MK would forgive him for whatever he had to do next.

“Monkey King, you there?” Pigsy asked and Wukong jumped slightly.

“Yeah, I’m here. Listen, I’ll call you if I find him. Please do the same.”

“Of course. Watch your back, Monkey King. This could be a trap.”

“Yep.” Wukong said, then hung up and slipped his phone back into his pocket.

Was this a trap? But if it was then why did Macaque only message Pigsy? Surely if it was a trap he would have just used MK’s phone to send him a message instead, right? Unless he was trying to capture the entire group and use them all as bait for Wukong? Honestly, knowing Macaque, that was completely possible.

He spotted Sandy on the pier walking around and decided to land. If Pigsy was right about Sandy seeing Macaque in the area then it would be best to start with them and go from there. When he got close enough to the pier he dispersed the somersault cloud then jumped onto the ground near Sandy who jumped, but then smiled.

“Oh, hey, Mr. Monkey King.”

“Hey.” Wukong replied, it always caught him off guard how much Sandy felt like Sha Wujing (he knew why he did but still). “Pigsy said you saw Macaque around here?”

Sandy nodded, “I did! Only a glimpse of him heading that way.” He said, pointing further down the pier. “I didn’t get a chance to talk to him but when I told MK about it later that day he said ‘he’s finally home, maybe now I can talk to him!’ then ran in that same direction.”

Wukong glared down the pier and began to walk. “‘Home’ huh? So he must be crashing somewhere around here. Any ideas where?”

Sandy walked along side him, the blue cat that was always with him - Mo? - was walking in front of them, sniffing the air. “There’s a bunch of abandoned buildings in the area, but a few were recently purchased.” He hummed with thought, “You know, there was a building that was being used as a Dojo for a while, but I haven’t seen it active since the Lady Bone Demon incident.”

“That’s it. Can you show me where?”

“Sure thing, Mr. Monkey King! Follow me!”

They walked further down the pier until they reached a set of doors outside of a rather run down building. Though it was clear by the scent in the area that Macaque had been here frequently. It almost felt like an insult having such a strong scent so close to MK’s territory. Like there was a trespasser on the land of an ally. What was more insulting though was the fact that MK’s scent was mixed in with it and was fresh.

“They’re in there.” Wukong said about to kick down the door before Sandy stopped him. “What?”

“This is private property, Mr. Monkey King.” Sandy said and Wukong growled.

“And?”

“And it would be wrong to break in.” He explained and Wukong would have rolled his eyes if it hadn’t physically hurt him to hear that. Damn Sandy. Damn Sha Wujing. Damn memories.

“Then what do you suggest?” Wukong asked, then felt dumbfounded when Sandy gently knocked on the front doors. “Knocking? This is Macaque we’re talking about, he won’t just open the door!”

The door clicked and opened, a familiar tired looking black monkey standing on the other side.

“Macaque.” He snarled.

Macaque bristled, slightly. “Uh… yo. I expected the blue guy, but you’re a surprise. I was hoping I was mishearing.”

Wukong went to throw himself at Macaque but again Sandy held him back.

“We’re looking for MK, is he here?”

“Yeah, he’s inside.” He said, glancing between the two hesitantly, his eyes lingering on Wukong the longest. “Come on in, I guess.”

‘What’s his game? What does he want? Why is he so calm!? This is totally a trap. I have to get Sandy and MK out of here.’ Wukong thought as he followed Mo and Sandy into the building as Macaque kept a close eye on the two of them.

Wukong faltered slightly when he saw the state of the building. Dusty, messy, with parts of the floor chipping and broken windows. It was clearly lived in but it was like Macaque hadn’t been cleaning it or taking care of it for a while. Then again… a glance at Macaque’s fur could pretty much confirm that the monkey also wasn’t taking care of himself either. His fur was messy, ungroomed, and part of his tail was even matted.

The one part of the room that wasn’t completely destroyed though was the center where a nest had been made and sitting in the nest rubbing his eyes sleepily was MK.

“Little buddy! There you are!” Sandy said, walking over.

“Sandy?” MK yawned, then looked at Wukong and scrambled to his feet. “M-Monkey King!? W-w-w-what are you doing here?” He asked quickly.

“Pigsy called me.” Wukong said, keeping a close eye on Macaque as he moved closer to MK. “You okay, bud?”

“I’m alright.” MK said, slowly moving to Wukong. “Just hanging out with Macaque.”

Wukong picked up MK’s phone off the floor, handing it to him and after MK looked at the screen he paled. “Hanging out, huh? If you were ‘hanging out’ willingly I doubt you would have abandoned your tuk-tuk and deliveries, I also doubt you would have ignored that many phonecalls.”

“Dammit…” MK said, then looked at Macaque. “It’s okay. I’m fine, guys. See, no harm done! My head doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

“Your head?” Sandy asked concerned, “What happened?”

“I-I um, I hit it?”

“I slammed it against the floor of the alleyway when I kidnapped him.” Macaque said, hands in pockets. There was a flicker of something in Macaque’s eyes. Confusion? Guilt? Wukong didn’t know and after hearing that he didn’t care.

“So you admit it! You son of a bitch.” Wukong went to take a step forward but MK slid between them.

“W-wait! Monkey King, it’s not as bad as it sounds!” He promised.

Wukong growled, then looked at Macaque who looked almost relieved with the kid between them. “MK. Move.”

MK hardened his glare. “No.”

“MK. Move.” He said again with a soft glare. “He can’t keep getting away with this shit!”

“He didn’t do anything! Well… he did but if you just let me explain, I-”

Macaque wrapped his tail around MK’s middle causing Wukong to snarl viciously. Especially when Macaque walked right up behind the kid. “Listen, Wukong. I messed up today, I attacked the kid but it wasn’t… I didn’t mean to-”

“Stop hiding behind the kid.”

“Not until you listen to me.” Macaque said, “Something is going on with MK… or maybe me? Doesn’t matter which but something is changing and you need to-”

“The only thing I need to do is get him away from you and beat you into a bloody pulp!” He said, baring his teeth, feeling a bit of pride when he saw the way Macaque flinched. Though that pride was replaced with guilt when MK shrunk down as well.

His successor’s flinch made Wukong’s fighting spirit die out, he…he had scared his kid. Memories of being possessed flashed before his eyes and made Wukong take a small step back. His tail twitched anxiously behind him, taking a second to look between the two in front of him and consider his actions. He had come here to protect Mk from Macaque yet here his kid was defending the person that had thrown his head into concrete ground, His hand twitched as he contemplated grabbing Mk and shoving him out of the way but-

If Mk is so bent on protecting Macaque there has to be a reason, as much as he trusted Mk he didn't trust Macaque. Had he manipulated Mk again? His kid is too good for his own good. Perhaps Macaque had realized it was well and came up with some sob story to get the kid to put down his guard? Only to betray him just as he had before.

“Kid…what happened?” Wukong finally sighed, he needs the story first. Maybe that will get Mk out of the way.

“W-well, okay so-and it really wasn't that bad so don't get mad-”

“Kid” Wukong cut off Mk’s ramblings

“Right okay yeah so basically, Macaque attacked me when I was out doing deliveries-”

Wukong’s fist clenched.

“So I pulled out my staff and defended myself, it wasn't that bad of a fight anyways and I barely even got hurt at all-”

Wukongs eyes widened with a hushed hiss, protective anger boiling in his chest.

“But after he threw me into the ground he hit me with the staff, then he tried to to do I again and I blocked so he tried again but the-”

Mk’s rambling was once again cut off but this time it was by a loud monkey screech as Wukong stepped to the side and tackled Macaque. Macaque gasped, using his hold on Mk to throw him to the side as Wukong attacked. He moved quick enough that Mk had barely enough time to defend the darker furred monkey.

Macaque and Wukong both fell to the ground, Wukong had grabbed Macaque's forearms and now had him pinned against the ground. Macaque growled and bared his teeth, the shadows beneath him darkened and shadow ribbons emerged. Quickly grasping onto Wukong and throwing him into the nearest wall, causing cracks to form on said wall. Wukong recovered quickly just as Macaque did. Both monkeys glaring each other down with fangs and claws bared, fur bristling and low growls echoing through the tense room.

Wukongs fur bristled yet again, sensing something behind him but he didn't have enough time to react as two shadow clones had manifested and grabbed Wukong by his arms Macaque suddenly appeared in front of him and punched him in the gut. Wukong doubled over with the clones holding him up, but Macaque was close and with Wukongs current position he had the perfect opportunity.

Wukong reached his head out and opened his jaw wide then bit down hard onto Macaque's arm. Digging his fangs deep into the shadow demon's arm and breaking skin. Wukong could taste the metallic red liquid drip out and down his arm as Macaque roared in pain and used his other hand to grab a handful of his fur to try and yank him awa-

A scared chirp echoed through the room, breaking through the sounds of the bloody fight. Both monkeys froze in place and all attention was pulled to the source of the chirp.

Sandy stood with an arm out in front of Mk who looked near a panic attack. Shaking and breathing hard and fast, his hands up by his mouth in shock with wide scared eyes.

Wukong slowly let go of Macaque's arm. Something…new, stirring within him. Something telling-screaming at him that whatever he was doing just now wasn't important. That nothing was as important as scooping Mk up into his arms and comforting him. Making sure he felt safe and loved.

Yet his hesitation made him forgo the chance to do any of that since Macaque had moved much quicker then Wukong did. He panicked as Macaque pushed Sandy aside and scooped Mk into his arms yet he was still frozen in place. Mostly because.

Mk didn't look upset by the action. In fact Mk seemed to embrace it. He wrapped his own arms around Macaque from what Wukong could see.

Shakily, Wukong stood up straight, noticing now that the clones no longer held him. He looked up to Sandy who merely shrugged in confusion then looked back to the two.

“K-kid…?” Wukong croaked out. That protective urge still beating in his chest like a drum, the chirp-that was a chirp holy shit that was Mk’s chirp how long had he been doing this why is he doing this- still echoing in his ears like thunder.

“H-hey hey it's okay, don't be scared. I’m sorry I'm sorry….shhh your safe now, nothing will hurt you. I promise”

Those words reached Wukongs instead of an expected reply from Mk. They almost made him freeze once again. What was Macaque doing, why was he comforting Mk when Wukong was the once that should be comforting his cub-no not cub Mk’s a human. A Human teen. Not…not a…

Wukong stepped forward. He kept slowly approaching the two until he could get a good view of Mk. He had buried himself into Macaque's chest with his shaking arms wrapped around him. Macaque held Mk protectively, rubbing circles into his back and using his other hand to gently comb through his hair. Once Macaque had noticed Wukong had gotten so close he bared his fangs and growled protectively while his tail wrapped around Mk’s middle.

Wukong is normally good at controlling himself, he’s had eons of practice and reasons to. Yet now in this moment he can't help his spiraling thoughts. Why is Macaque holding his cub, why is Macaque the one soothing his cubs worries, why had he hesitated to protect and comfort his cub. Protect, protect protect-

“Mk?” Wukong broke through his spiraling, gently reaching out for Mk despite the growing growl from Macaque. Mk flinched and didn’t respond.

“K-kid im…im sorry. I didn't mean to scare you” Wukong pleaded but Mk still didn't reply, instead straightened his back and raised his head to hide underneath Macaque's scarf.

If Wukong didn't have so many other things spiraling in his mind he would have thought that was the cutest damn thing he’s ever seen in his life.

"How about we all sit down for a moment?" Sandy suggested calmly, "I think it's time we all hear what MK has to say, don't you?" Sandy asked and despite the smile he had the way his eyes looked said it wasn't a suggestion.

Wukong looked at Macaque with a glare but sighed. "Fine."

"Good! I'll make some tea!"

Wukong kept his gaze locked on Macaque as the darker furred monkey moved back towards the nest, sitting down with MK as Macaque kept whispering to MK while glaring over at Wukong. It was clear neither side wanted the other near the cub kid. But given the fact that MK was clinging to Macaque in a way that didn’t seem to make sense to even MK they had no choice but to let the kid lead the situation.

Though the worst part of the entire situation happening in front of him was the fact that MK had chosen Macaque of all people over Wukong! Macaque was a villain! A villain with messy hair, a bad smell, and clothes that were at least two sizes too big on him! (Maybe they should worry more about that…? Nah, Macaque was fine, because again he was a villain!)

Wukong sat on the ground flicking his ear at Sandy who was starting to clean up the kitchen area as he prepared to make tea, meanwhile Mo sat between Macaque and Wukong almost looking like he was scolding both of them for their actions. It felt strange to even consider that the blue cat was aware enough to scold them but in that moment that was exactly how it felt. Wukong sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, looking over at Macaque.

“Are you okay, MK?” Wukong asked.

MK glanced over at him, his eyes with dark circles under them, his nose pink from fighting off tears. “I was trying to explain… why don’t you ever listen…?” He asked in a whisper and Wukong’s tail dropped sadly.

“You’re… you’re right bud. I need to listen more. So… can we try again? Please?”

MK hesitated, but nodded, ducking out of Macaque’s scarf as he sat near his leg, letting Macaque continue grooming his hair, the dark furred Macaque’s eyes locked onto Wukong with a glare. In that moment as their eyes met the only thing Wukong could think was; ‘If looks could kill he would have killed me five times over.’

“I-I’ve been making that noise all day. I don’t know why but the first time I made it was when Macaque attacked me this afternoon. “Next thing I know Macaque brought me here, we made a nest and then we just took a nap. That was all that happened. He hasn’t hurt me other than in that fight and that fight stopped the second I let out that little hiccup-burp-squeak-thing.” He explained, hugging himself. “I don’t understand and I don’t think Macaque understands either… which is why I think he brought me here. And why he-”

Macaque’s cheeks grew red as he quickly covered MK’s mouth. “We don’t need to say anything else.” He said, his tail swishing.

Wukong glared. This whole situation was suspicious and he still had red flags going off in the back of his mind. Macaque was a villain, not a monster, so he doubted he’d done anything too vile to the kid but the secrets of this whole situation still made him uncomfortable. Not to mention the way he was still holding MK with his tail made his chest flare with a type of protective - or maybe even possessive - rage.

“Okay.” MK said when Macaque moved his hand and Macaque sighed.

“Listen, Wukong. I don’t care what you think about me and right now I could hardly care about you but the last thing I want to do is hurt MK. Hell, in this moment I honestly don’t think I could if I wanted to. But I can and will hurt you. You need to figure out what’s going on with my cub before he gets hurt or sick.”

Wukong blinked in surprise, “Your cub? Who the fuck gave you dad-rights, you hobo?”

Macaque snarled. “Who said I’m taking dad-rights. I’ve taken mom-rights you strawberry-blonde bitch.”

Sandy returned with cups of tea, handing the first one to MK before handing one to Wukong and Macaque. Sandy then sat near Wukong, letting Mo climb into his lap as he pet the orange fur on the blue cat. “Now, let’s stop with the insults for a moment and talk about what’s happening. Wukong, how about you tell us what you’re feeling and what you think about this situation.”

‘Gross, we’re dealing with feelings.’ Wukong thought, but didn’t argue as he sighed. “I feel like Macaque shouldn’t be anywhere near MK, or any of us. He’s dangerous, cold, cruel and only thinks of himself.” He spat, as Macaque’s ears and tail both dropped slightly but he continued. “I can help MK figure out… whatever is happening with him, without Macaque in my way. But if he’s here it’ll just slow down my progress.”

Macaque went to argue but Sandy shot him down with a single glance.

“I see, but without Mr. Maquack here to tell us about this issue we might not have known it was happening at all.” Sandy pointed out to them. “MK has the unfortunate habit of keeping this kind of thing to himself and unintentionally hurting himself. Something that has happened before and could happen again. MK needed somebody in that moment and who he had was Macaque. From what I understand Macaque handled the situation well, though the message to Pigsy could have been a bit more clear on his intentions.”

Macaque looked away as MK sipped on his tea, not looking at anybody.

“Tsk. I guess.” Wukong growled, “Doesn’t change the fact that he attacked MK though.”

“You’re right, it doesn’t. But that’s not for us to get mad at him for with only the facts we have. We don’t know what made Macaque attack MK, and given the way MK is acting with Macaque now he wasn’t hurt too badly. Now, let’s move onto Mr. Macaque, can you explain why you attacked MK, how you’re feeling and what you think about all of this?”

Macaque hesitated, “I um… honestly? I-I don’t know why I attacked MK today. My plans were just to mess with him a bit; take his keys, waste time, make a bunch of trouble. But when I saw him I got so mad about things that aren’t MK’s fault and just… attacked. Then he chirped and it kind of snapped me out of it? I realized that I wasn’t attacking the person I was actually mad at and instead I was hurting a kid. I panicked and brought him here, doing what I could to make him comfortable until I figured out what was going on with him. The kid fell asleep and told me to message Pigsy, so I did. I honestly didn’t expect him to bother Wukong with this though… guess that was an oversight on my part.”

Sandy nodded slowly, taking a small drink of his own tea. “I see. What’s a chirp?”

“That little noise he made. It’s how infant monkeys express ‘big emotions’ like fear, pain, and distress. It’s sharp, loud, and easy to catch over the sound of a fight. In Demons and Celestials though this noise can also stimulate the instincts of those of the same species. In a way it forces us to stop and take notice even more.” Wukong said.

“It’s why we stopped fighting.” Macaque said, “We literally couldn’t help it. It overwhelms our senses and depending on the situation, relation to the one who chirped, and a few other things it could make us protect the cub more quickly or cause fights to turn more vicious because we have to protect them even more from whatever is hurting or scaring them.”

“Okay, I understand now.” Sandy said with a smile. “So when you heard this chirp from MK your instincts stopped you from hurting MK and you went into overdrive to try and protect him?”

Macaque nodded, “Y-yeah. Those instincts haven’t gone away yet which is why I don’t think I could physically hurt him…” He said, looking away from MK who glanced at him.

“S-so wait… did I brainwash you? A-am I hurting you?” MK asked worriedly and Macaque turned his gaze back to him.

“What?! No, of course not, cub.” Macaque said, “It doesn’t hurt. It’s a little… overwhelming but not painful, just stressful because I know that I hurt you and that you’re hurting. It also brought back up emotions I haven’t felt in a long time. But I’m not hurt and I’m not brainwashed. I promise.” He patted MK’s hair. “I’m all good, bud.”

MK relaxed, then looked at Sandy as the blue man began to speak again.

“So, MK. What do you want to do? How do you feel about all of this?”

MK played with his hands, “I… I don’t know how to feel about it. I haven’t felt… right since the Lady Bone Demon thing, it’s like a bad feeling is just constantly crawling down my back and I can’t ignore it. T-then when Macaque attacked me all I could think was ‘this is it, this is the next big fight’ and I got scared. Like all my fears and pain raised up and I let out that noise. Then it all stopped, it all stopped and Macaque was looking at me just as confused and scared as I was. Then he hugged me and I just… I crumbled. I didn’t realize how hurt and scared I was until he held me and I felt safe again. I don’t… I don’t think I can leave Macaque but I know that I need to go back home.”

“But now home feels weird without Macaque there?” Sandy asked and MK nodded.

“Kid… listen, I’ll… I’ll stay put for a while, but you’re right, you’ve got to go back home. You’ll know where to find me, right?”

MK looked at Macaque, “But what about you? You’re not okay either, Macaque. You’re scared, confused and… lost like I am. Plus you were so sad when I chirped at you, I don’t want to think that you’re here alone and sad by yourself.”

“He's a dangerous bud.” Wukong said again as Macaque shot a glare at him but didn’t argue. “Besides, he’s more of a loner anyways.”

“Mr. Monkey King.” Sandy warned softly.

“No, Wukong is right. I’m better off alone and I am dangerous.” Macaque said, untangling his tail from around MK, letting him go at a speed that was infuriating on its own. “But I’ll stay close so you can come see me now and then and I’ll stop hiding from you and your friends when you swing by… just don’t swing by every day, okay?” He said, his voice cracking slightly.

“Okay… are you sure you’re going to be okay?” MK asked.

“Totally, cu… MK. I’m fine. You just go home to Pigsy before he tracks me down here too and tries to rip me a new one. Honestly, that pig scares me more than even Wukong does.” Macaque said with a whisper making MK chuckle.

“Alright.”

Wukong glared at Macaque for a moment longer before MK got up and walked over to Sandy who smiled and patted his hair. “Well if we’re done here I’m going to go home.” Wukong said with a stretch, “I need to brush my teeth and take a bath to make sure I don’t get fleas.”

Macaque growled slowly, before wrapping his tail around himself. “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.”

“Then I’ll wash these out and walk you home.” Sandy offered MK.

“Don’t worry about it, I can do my own dishes.” Macaque said, “Just get the kid home safe.”

“Are you sure?” Sandy asked.

“Yep, no problem.” Macaque said.

Sandy shrugged, “Okay. Do you want a piggyback little buddy?”

“Sure.” MK said, glancing back at Macaque one last time.

Wukong was the first one out of the dojo, waving to MK and Sandy before flying just out of sight. Once he was sure he was gone long enough he transformed into a bird and flew back to the dojo, peeking through one of the broken windows at Macaque who was still sitting in the middle of the nest.

Macaque was now curled up in a ball, his arms wrapped around his knees, his ears down and his eyes downcast.

Wukong was conflicted on all of this, especially seeing the smaller monkey so disheartened. He was not only the Monkey King but the Monkey God (though that title was a bit too much for even him sometimes). It was his job to keep all monkeys - Demonic, Celestial or Mortal - safe and protected even from each other. In some ways this all felt backwards, keeping a human teenager safe from a monkey but it’s what he needed to do. He needed to keep Macaque away from MK for the kids' safety.

But seeing Macaque like that… so down in the dumps and heartbroken reminded him of the first night after they met. While the rest of the Sages celebrated, or passed out drinking and Wukong went to join his Troupe for the evening he got a report that Macaque had wandered off alone by one of his generals. Wukong found him a short time later curled up under a tree, picking at his own fur in attempts to get a knot out of it. He had noticed immediately about Macaque that he was messy, knotted, and unkept though Wukong assumed it was just because he was lazy, seeing him like that though proved to Wukong that he didn’t have anybody to count on. He didn’t have a family to teach him how to groom and clean, how to be a monkey… any of it.

Seeing Macaque curled up in the dojo looking even worse than he had then hurt his heart. Especially when he saw the way Macaque’s shoulders trembled.

‘Is he crying?’ Wukong thought with a squeeze of his heart. ‘This has got to be a trap. Macaque is an actor, no way he’s crying for real. If he is crying it’s all a ruse because he knows I'm here watching him and he wants pity from me.’

Wukong flew down to the door, transforming back to his normal form as he opened the door and walked back into the dojo. Wukong then leaned against the far wall until Macaque acknowledge him.

“What do you want?” He asked, his voice cracking.

“I want you to leave the kid alone. Killing you would make him lose any trust he has in me but I can’t let you get close to him. Stay away from MK, because if something like this happens again, I will kill you. I care more for the kid than I do for you, monkey or not.”

“Please, tell me something I don’t know.” Macaque said, “You know he’ll come looking for me.”

“Then give him enough reasons not to Liu’er Mihou.” Wukong snarled, punching the wall with the side of his fist causing Macaque to jump. “You and I both know it’s safer for everybody if you stay the hell out of his life. Whatever your problem is it’s with me, leave the kid out of it and stay the hell out of his life. Do I make myself clear?”

“Wuk-”

Wukong walked over, grabbing Macaque by the hair as he forced Macaque to look at him. Tears in his eyes, his nose slightly pink from crying and a slight tremble in his shoulder. “Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear?” He snarled.

Macaque looked away, “Yes.”

“Good.” Wukong let him go then scrunched his nose. “Take a shower while you’re at it, you’re a mess…”

“Just… leave, Wukong…”

Wukong shrugged, guilt clawing at his stomach as he walked out of the dojo and once again flew in the direction of Flower Fruit Mountain, this time not stopping or taking any detours. It hurt to see Macaque that disheartened, especially when he was the cause, but it’s what had to be done. Macaque was a schemer, he made plans and stuck to them until the very end. That’s what made him a nuisance and a long-term threat, but what made him dangerous was his powers. His powers and his emotions were connected.

If he got too attached to MK, to any of them he could hurt them… or he could destroy himself. For the safety of all of them he had to keep Macaque from getting any more attached to MK.

No matter the cost.

#Chirp Au #LMK #LMK Fanfic #lego monkie kid fanfic #Monkiebois #inspired by MonkieBoi's posts #collab au #collab writing

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mochiimiiki · 5 years ago

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| What they’re like when you’re hurt |

[Kaeya, Childe, Venti x F!reader]

Okay so basically you two are out battling some hilichurls

nothing unusual

the other knights were occupied and he needed some assistance (at least that’s what he says but in reality he wanted to spend time with u)

you guys relish in your victory, another camp down! all seemed well when suddenly out of nowhere appeared an abyss mage

the first thing it did was attack you, leaving you severely wounded

however, before it could get away kaeya sprung into action and defeated it

immediately after he ran over to you in hopes you were okay, however upon further inspection the abyss mage had wounded your leg

this gentleman without thinking twice scooped you up in his arms and bridal style carried you back to mondstadt (luckily you weren’t too far)

now while everyone says says kaeya has this flirty, no care just get it done attitude i strongly believe when a situation needs to be taken seriously he WILL take it serious

this was one of those situations

after you got to mond you received some healing from barbara

it didn’t entirely heal but it helped speed the process and take away some pain

however for about a week you were bed ridden

so in this time kaeya made it his own personal mission to help you in every way possible

need a drink? on it. need help changing? on it. need food? on it.

by your side as much as possible, and if he has to leave hes going to beg amber, lisa or even jean to stay and help you out (despite you being capable of lasting an hour or two alone)

he wont outwardly express it or directly say it but he is super worried about you and so just by being able to do these little things for you consoles himself (as well as you)

however once you’re all healthy again expect him to tease you about relying on him

but bring up the fact he was worried and you may see a blush 0///0

okay totally different situations

the person who hurt you was him :(

he didn’t mean to!

it was just that both of you had been training and he got a little rough and may have accidentally sent you flying

however once he hit you it immediately dawned upon him what he’d done

he ran towards you and lifted you to your feet (strong man)

when you wobbled over and fall into his arms complaining about being sore he won’t let you go

like kaeya he scoops you up into his arms and bridal style carries you back to where he’s staying

there he attends to your wounds himself, cleaning up any scratches or cuts (with alcohol) to prevent infection

once your cleaned up and in comfy clothes he’ll ask if you need anything

if you do need a drink or smth hes rushing to get it but if you decide to rest he’ll leave you be

at first when staring at you he doesn’t know what to feel, he never intentionally set out to hurt you

but as we all know in his foul legacy form he can be a bit... rough

he kind of just sits there not knowing what to do with himself

he wont leave you but he’s afraid if he touches you he’ll hurt you again

however you reach out first and demand cuddles, a no will not suffice 😌

the boy delivers but he’s noticeably more gentle with you, careful not to move and only shifting every once in awhile to remain comfortable

even if you assure him you’re okay hes still going to feel guilty

big brother instincts

in the end it’s okay though he just has to remember you can get hurt easier than him

baby tone deaf bard who is a stinky twink man (jk i love this boy)

anyways where was i?

oh yes you got hurt

to put it simply you were probably doing something stupid like climbing up the walls of mondstadt

no ones going to tell you no though because like... it’s the city of freedom...

anyways you climb up one but lose ur slipping

most likely it had something to do with the hilichurl camp you’d raided earlier and how there was slime, afterall no one cleans their shoes when they’re outside?

but luckily you caught ur fall only to land awkwardly on your ankle

now venti is practical yet playful so he’ll take you straight to barbara

probably coming up with a song though to go with your injury

“Silly silly is the girl, much like our friend the hilichurl.

up and up she climbs, but beware beware of slimes!

They leave their sticky icky gooey substance, and now you must get healed

why hush your reluctance!”

he totally did it to get on your nerves, however it was kind of cute he made a song about you and your injury, despite the reason as to why

once barbara has healed you up he’ll poke fun at you for your clumsiness shouting things like

“I wonder what my next song will be about your clumsiness! WHY it could be about the time u broke a whole glass of dandelion wine!”

...

...you did say sorry

anyways venti is mischievous and so if by any chance ur injury still kind of hurts hes willing to pull all sorts of tricks to make you smile (i guarantee that he will make you smile)

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zirkkun · 5 years ago

Text

I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

#zircon rambles #a lot #lol #its very long im sorry #i spent way too long writing this too #also please don't reblog this

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astrology-with-charu · 5 years ago

Text

20 Jan 3:38pm ET Mars Conjunct Uranus 6º44’

Aquarius Season Begins ! Focus of Feb 2021 by sign :

So we have talked about it, warned about it, fret a little about it and at the same time felt a little excited about it. Mars Conjunct Uranus is here. As its not just a day long transit we have felt this about a week or so coming in and would continue to feel for a week on the way out though it wouldn’t ever be fully out. Fixed aspects are such they are never out of our system.

They create long term shifts in fixed corners of our psyche.

This is the most interesting aspect and to some its scary & erratic as well as it acts out of character or norm and its unpredictable. I have this aspect in my natal chart in a square and I can tell you people who deal with me have that kind of varied response too. Some find my actions interesting, some erratic, some strong willed and some think I am downright nuts - mission accomplished, keep them guessing 😉 When Mount Etna slowly but surely exploded its lava out after seething for a while it reminded me of this aspect. Whatever is hemmed in surely explodes - thats one thing thats certain of this aspect - Need for Freedom.

We take what we want from each aspect and each person so I am going to try and see if we can draw the best of this aspect. It happens every year & in Taurus it helps over seven years release fixity in comfort zone corners of our life in food, in money, in assets, in economy, in voice, in talents. The special and unique thing about it this year and about 2021 as a whole is that this aspect are / will aspect the 5 planets in Aquarius over Jan and Feb - nothing real or noticeable happens without a square - I mean what’s the point if it wont be in your face 😉. You cant ignore a square, its not easy but it makes sure you notice it and do something about it cause otherwise it just hurts too much to live with it. It actives us to make the shift.

So if you feel the pain in places you used to draw comfort from, know its your body and psyche giving you hints like boulders to make that shift.

I noted where and what this aspect is happening in my 2021 note as thats something where every fabric of your being would look for more freedom and shift in. How will it play out though, where would it manifest is another story cause those 5 planets in Aquarius in this season will help you put the sand in the sandpit for you to play in and display your need for freedom, brilliance and change. Mercury will also be going retrograde in Aquarius (30 Jan-20Feb) so you will have some rethink, rework before you put the first layer in - this process will go on this year as Saturn and Jupiter go back and forth over it helping you create source of your next 20 years of growth using this first layer of sand you are putting in Aquarius season.

Videos by sign done before :

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLv3tUTLu8-MT2IvHWqfAHwrOXVpEPjfxw

Across signs Mars Uranus is a volatile energy so physically you would want to be careful with devices, knives etc especially fixed signs : Taurus, Aquarius, Leo and Scorpio especially planets around 7º.

Let’s begin - by sign what are you about to begin:

#Aries : Network, platform, investment gains, group of influential

Looking to have a platform or a group of influential people or a fan base or a set of like minded people - your tribe who can work on the new vision you have of your life. That’s where it will manifest. What’s the driver and what’s the Mars Uranus restleness and brilliance - its in your money, confidence, self respect and assets house. You seek freedom in financials, radical self confidence in your personal assets and its a drive to prove your worth to none other than yourself. It’s you wanting to play and have fun with assets and money without being tied down. Creating all of it from the things that bring you bigger vision of life and helps you connect with people on larger scale instead of being confined and limited in your outlook to life. So you would work on money & asset shifts and manifest it in form of a platform or a network or a group of like minded people working on a larger vision - also through investments beyond a job, gains from investments. Detachment from fixity of assets and any kind of source of income that inhibits your freedom would seem urgent and essential. It might almost feel manifestation of your vision is impossible without it. Money becomes a means to freedom and you look to stop trading money for time as how you spend your time becomes more meaningful. A step towards that vision is what this season is about.

#Taurus : Job, career, leadership style, your title

Looking to start a new job or a new way to do a job or a shift in title - what you are know as and known for, shift in how you are a leader of your life. Driver is you don’t want to be who you were before. You want to detach from your past life in some ways as you would like to be more authentic to yourself, be more of you instead of what others want you to be or see you as. As you “show yourself” so as to speak - the existing mode of how you express yourself - which is normally our profession, our formal title - would also shift with it cause you want it to. Mars Uranus right now might make you feel very rebellious - wanting to jump out of your skin - sorry I don’t know why the werewolf analogy is popping in my head - you are beautiful inside out - but as risk of offending you I will use that analogy. It’s about you about to pop out - if you are a wolf inside and have been a sheep outside, it wont work for you especially not in your job. Yes it can be an erratic display, a conflict, a fight with authority but you know what - its long overdue probably. We can manage how it looks but not how it is - how it is , is how it is. So it would be a bit of truth time and time to move to what’s more real to you as you make a new start this season in your work.

#Gemini : Travel (jeez talk about being a tease), adventure, higher education, publication, putting your content on a platform, teach, higher mind

Geminis are going places, wanting to start something that gives them adventure, gives them that high vibe they crave. Aquarius season activates a very positive and to some extend radical part of their chart - this is what makes them so brilliant and interesting. They get radical also positively. They look like they are thinking of ten things at a time seemingly lost on all ten but inside they are synthesizing how to take over the world. This is where Gemini converge all they have learned and put it into a book, into a publication, on a platform, they teach, they engage with people who are different and far from them using tech and state of art platforms, they create state of art platforms to publish information thats useful and meaningful. Their drive is this Mars and Uranus bringing all thats within to right in from of them - they don’t feel scared any more of endings, of facing any demons within or outside, of facing their own fears - they have got to do it cause they are after finding their place in this wide wide universe. They are after establishing meaning of their existence and wanting to make it valuable beyond imagination. They want to wrap all their hidden talents, hidden insecurities and light it all on fire to get out in the open. It’s almost like they are asking - let me see how my worst fears play out - let me see what was I really afraid of. So I don’t ever have to use that word “fear” ever again anymore. Preach Gemini we are all ears!

#Cancer : Give & take in partnerships, Karmic, depth, healing

You know they say those who hurt so much, learn to heal others of their hurt. I always think of Cancerians when they say that. Cause why else would God or higher powers make them feel so much... unless it was to help them understand how every living being feels in every living instance. Human emotions isn’t the only thing Cancerians are expert on using their intuition on - they are sensitive on knowing the undercurrent of society and even financial world if they apply themselves to it. They are brilliant in seeing things below the surface but they create a protective layer even against their own intuition sometimes cause sometimes what they see hurts them. That sometimes makes a Cancerian stay in dysfunction longer than they should. So its a new wave of detaching ourselves from what’s karmic what’s bad for us and our intuition has told us so many times but we have been shielding ourselves from our own knowing. Its time to start a new ledger and put a knot on all old karmic ties so you establish a blank slate. A new start in much more powerful way of being when it comes to partnership, seeing the writing on the wall and handle give and take differently in relationships, use your depth and intuition in financial matters where you know things way ahead of time. Using your knowledge of matters unknown to others by putting that knowledge out on a platform, on a screen, for wide population to see. Sharing your depth, your knowing, your ideas with a larger set for their benefit versus reserving all your heart and love for one. Uranus and Mars will introduce you to unique people, offer you opportunities to work on new and state of art platforms to put your knowledge on and help you detach from past patterns in relating to others. Love is a tough topic, actually not love but intimacy and that depth & returns you seek in relationship is cause may be for far too long we have been mistaking unease, dysfunction, pain and karmic for depth and love. Love is not supposed to feel like pain. This is process of relearning it all by detaching from dysfunction. Starting new without the heavy.

#Leo : Clients, contract, commitment

Restless restless Leos have been looking for that thing, that thing they don’t know what thing, but that thing in their work, in their business, in their title, in the way they rule that domain of theirs - that links what they feel inside with a manifestation outside. They feel like a king or a queen inside - larger than life, magnanimous, caring for the people who benefit from just their smiling confident gaze. That’s their true self, that’s who they were born to be. But then life got in between and daily annoyances, need to pay the bills and take care of people got in the way. Licking the wounds of not being themselves for far too long, Leos have been waiting to roar. Fixed signs are triggered and Leos are on top of the list cause they crave and need to break out of these shackles that hold their mind down and make them be who they know within they are not. The place they would want to be themselves the most would be in how they handle their job, their work and especially in the one on one interactions with their clients and partners. You are preparing a stage for your enormous potential. It could be by working towards a new contract that allows to access to the client or people who you crave to connect with or gives you the kind of freedom and eclectic freedom and brilliance in work you crave. You want your clients, your partners, your platform to benefit from your ideas and brilliance. You need a mode to convey that - may its not in the traditional job or may be a traditional job needs to follow some new rules to make that happen. Either ways if there is not a way you will make a way - such is the fixed intensity of your Mars Uranus in your career - it will make you jump through jobs, rebel at jobs, create unique roles, create unique career - till you have got it. What would you start new to make it all happen - a new contract, a new commitment, a new partnership or a unique disruptive partner which helps you explore your own psych to see why any of the titles not fitting who you feel within. May be cause what you want doesn’t exist right now, may be cause you are a creator and not a follower, may be its time to stop looking for someone to create what you want and make it yourself.

#Virgo : Order, job, project, coworkers, work place, mind body connection

When Uranus first entered their house of higher mind over two years back, it was almost like something very subtly but surely shifted in them. Whatever they thought they knew about life and where theirs’ is going at least changed. It’s a weird thing - philosophy - its supposed to be nebulous, non physical thing but its one thing in our life which if shifts - everything consequently has to shift to adjust it. As their philosophy in life shifted and is in process of fully changing who they are - Virgos have to adjust the most important thing in their life to adjust that to go with it - their own daily routines, the thread of life that runs their physical existence - their processes, their work environment, who they work with and what kind of projects they work on and most importantly how they take care of your body. Its a cause of friction when your life philosophy and who you are within has expanded but you still continue to work with the same people or employ the same people you did before or the way you handle your body and your routines stay the same. When your higher mind has been set free you need to start a new chapter in your physical reality as well - new start in your own daily routines, when you work out, where you work out, how you take care of your body, what kind of projects you work on, who you work with or who you hire, what’s the structure of your work place, what’s the kind of workplace you go to. Its got to reflect it all - your daily environment has to mirror your higher vision else you will feel a friction in your body and that friction would show up in form of non stop conflicts with coworkers or unease in health. Use this season to break a pattern and start anew.

#Libra : Risk appetite, love, passions, children, joy

People have a lot against pandora box - I love the unexpected nature of it all - I love the fact that it shows that side of us that we knew was in us but it wasn’t oh so kosher to show up cause of others. But when you close it - the gifts go back in as well as does hope, joy and passion. The very balanced and my beautiful Librans can write their own book on balance and the evils of opening such boxes but what if it was knocking on their own doors. Uranus and Mars wakes up a dormant yet very important part of Librans thats not only powerful, its essential to help them make their passions come to life. Some call it kundalini release some call it that coiled serpent - one thing thats common in it all is that its not something that anyone attaches with a Libra archetype. Its raw passion, even anger, jealousy, need to be powerful, establish that right give and take in partnership, knowing your own worth and not being shy of making it evident and asking returns that corraborate that. Its somewhat essential to release that - cause its also the part of you that helps you go after your desires, helps you take a bit of risk in your love and professional life, helps you give birth to what you love and would cherish as your legacy. So thats where we begin - driver is to come into your own power, to release archaic ways of give and take in partnership, to let the patterns play out as they should and not on basis of how good or bad they look. What you start new to give that drive an outlet is a new passion, a new appetite for risk in life and that could be in form of a new love, a new hobby, a child, a business thats like a child - its you giving birth to what you would love, cherish and is an extension of your love for self. This is excellent season for you Libra as its your house of joy which is woken up but its facing a hesitance - a bit like resistance to ones own happiness as it requires you to go out of your element to get there. It requires you to not hide the powerful side of you when you deal with others and let them know what you know.

Don’t reduce yourself to make mediocre feel comfortable. They aren’t elevated, we become mediocre in the process.

#Scorpio : Home, family, ancestors, place of living, comfort

People don’t understand why a Scorpio needs to be sure before going into something or going “steady” and why they have to “sense” out things. Sage the hell out of their aura cause they are about to occupy mine for a lifetime says my Scorpio rising.

People don’t get that as much as we are eager to act and ready to face any consequence, we have a fixity in our relationships and partnerships. Partners and relationships never leave Scorpios even when they leave. But the “please no drama” zone of partnerships to be honest has become a bit of battlefield lately. What are we fighting for though. More freedom, more authenticity possibly. But may be more passion, more expression, more dynamism. Its such a contradiction isn’t it - the area we seek the most stability in - we also seek the most excitement and freedom in as well. That kind of freedom can only be based in trust, can only be based if we feel stable in our footing. Feel sure of the ground we stand on and then we can build all the existing relationships, connect with unique partners and clients / networks with. Aquarius season and this year of Saturn Jupiter in our house of home, family, place of living is aiming to do just that. Beef up the home metaphorically and physically. So this season we do something new in that direction so we can take more risks in our business and personal partnerships. We embellish our home, shift houses, countries, find a home within home and find the resources that beef us up from within or find that tribe we can call family that help us get there. Nothing above the surface can fly higher without that home as much as we would want to run away from it. So it might be time to put roots, find that place or do something make your family comfortable in some ways so you have a sure footing within - by purchasing real estate or changing your lease or shifting something in the house or deciding which country you would live in. Normally modern family structures and home structures suit us, possibly away from place of birth or away from parents in some ways - Scorpios cherish the closeness that comes from letting them have their “space” - may be time to find a bit of space so you can think, create and draw strength from. Beef those roots up.

#Sagittarius : Communication, immediate environment, commercial skills

Like a fish out of water, Sagittarius might have put themselves in a zone totally out of their comfort zone cause what they themselves don’t understand right now is that traditional isn’t cutting it for them as much as they are trying. Old isn’t vast enough to let them be who they need to be. The kind and level of commercial success and to some extend the kind of impact they are looking for doesn’t come from traditional careers. They are looking to create something unique and its coming in tough by sticking to old work environment or even that environment might have stopped suiting who they are becoming. Its a process that started over two years back when Uranus first started in their house of work and health - creating a bit of environment of restless brilliance which is just waiting to pop but not yet finding possibly its outlet. Not yet finding that outlet cause may be using the old skill sets and using the old teachings / learnings or old modes and methods of selling / communicating. When you cannot stand the confinement of your surrounding, usually your immediate environment needs a shift - as does the people you see on a daily basis, the road to work you take, the car or vehicle you use and the platforms / devices you use for communicating your perspective along with the words that you are communicating. This new start this season is an up skill to a new commercial reality by changing what you talk, what you sell, what your talents are. I love that unique brilliant futurist sign of Aquarius sits in mind of Sagittarius - it makes them say what they think but also say what they see far ahead of time. They blurt out outstanding thoughts... well without a thought. Possibly a new course can be pretty helpful just to open your mind to new way to commercialize those brilliant thoughts. Perhaps a new neighbourhood or new surroundings can open the mind to more suitable environment that help you commercialize. Perhaps a new platform or new communication devices help support your work in the way you would like. Perhaps a new route to work could help support the new health routine you are looking for. Anything that opens your mind to new economy would be a helpful hand in your journey to get more freedom in your work and provide a platform for you to express your ahead of time ideas. But speak, sell, communicate, connect, commercialize - its time to.

#Capricorn : Money, assets, networth and self worth

I have said it before and I am going to shout from the rooftops till everyone knows, I love love the Uranus transit Capricorn are getting on. Its so freeing - its going to free their sense of joy, their ability to connect with the fun playful innocent child within which has been forced to grow up way too fast with the last few years of transit. Uranus in your house of joy and passions is screaming to release all thats fun, confident, talented, creative, passionate about you. You feel driven to take the risks you have not taken in love, in money, in business - it creates this radical confidence in your ability to bring things to life, in your ability to give birth to the unique thoughts within. And it all, as with everything else with Capricorn, has got to be something real - something touch it feel it. The manifestation of it all to start with could be seen in your financials , in your assets, in things you are going to buy or invest in. Aquarius season starts a new cycle in your networth and self worth. New source of income, new asset, new investment, new purchase that would add to your networth and a new sense of self that helps you go after getting true value of your talents. You might even go after aquiring some talents that help you create more value e.g. in stock markets. You are on a new journey where you want to be free of guilt in being happy, in being fruitful, uninhibited smile - whatever brings that on, bring that on!

#Aquarius : You

Everyone’s talking about you or of you, you don’t necessarily like that... you didn’t ask for it but may be you did - its all been going stale for a while so you did ask for it all to become interesting and it all started being a bit more interesting two years back and now its just all changing way too fast. More importantly think I am changing too fast and rest is changing with me cause my comfort zone is shifting - cause well I wanted to do something different. So here it is that time to start new life, new you in your season - Happy Aquarius Season to you and happy birthday to Aquarius Sun. It just is how your season would be for next few years but this is a landmark one as lot of energy concentrated in your sign is being challenged by your own inertia to change things cause you feel the comfort zone will be lost in some ways - not registering there is no comfort zone anymore. When a kite has taken a flight there is no ground to rest on so its better to learn to fly breathlessly a bit cause stopping isn’t an option at this stage. Unprecedented growth is the reward awaiting of you taking over the reigns of your life in your hand. You have taken a journey where you are fully owning everything in your life, now so don’t look back - start another new chapter in that new direction you have decided to go on. There could be physical volatility in home, family or place of living - its like some constant ground you stood on is shaking - cause its limiting your ability to go where you need to. Its like you need to almost forget where you came from to become who you need to be - leaving the nest is one thing, forgetting the patterns that physically kept you there is another. This is like you are literally being reprogrammed as a person - physically in your body, in your fitness, in what kind of a leader you are and how you show up to the external world. And as part of that reprogramming, your old patterns would have to be irrevocably erased. Whatever it takes!

#Pisces : Peace, healing, health, recognizing your hidden talents & place in universe

Most brilliant creators go to isolation away from everyone to create their masterpiece even though the masterpiece is for the enjoyment of the very people they are going away from. Its like somehow they need to connect with themselves before they can give to others their best work. Its like for it all to be kosher pure chaste and brilliant it needs to be all free of any influence. Do you feel the need to shut all that noise sometimes so you can hear what the universe is trying to talk just to yourself - so you can find why you came here - what is your role and what are you here to serve. Uranus in your house of mind, create such sensitivity and brilliance in your mind that you feel sometimes an idea a minute coming - yet not having an outlet for it all sometimes just leaves a restless feeling that makes it impossible to settle down or sleep sometime. What if you needed a beat to put it all down, what if you needed to create your island so you can in that silence synthesize all that the rest of the connections have inspired you to think of. I am in no way suggesting its time to go on a mountain but I am saying there are two parts of you - conflicting parts of you fighting it out right now. One is teaming with day to day bustle, so much talk, so much information, so much connection, so many ideas, so many people in surrounding acting erratically. Yet not being able to leave that cause I know I can create here something unique, I am learning so much commercially, I am meeting so many unique people, I am actively engaged in my mind and body. Yet this can make you exhausted and scattered. Aquarius season and this year helps you find that corner behind the stage where all the real work happens. You work on a network project behind the scene there, you find peace in your thoughts there, you possibly connect with your hidden skills there, you meditate, put yourself in unique healing positions and potions to bottle all that brilliance into something of value, something of impact, something that can benefit many people. Gift that place behind the stage this season by starting a practice, finding your spirituality again, work on a behind the scene project thats your vision, deal with your fears and inner world. Its going to completely change how you deal with that active, bustling yet brilliant external life of yours. All innovators do this and you are one. All innovators also decide to give away & serve before they get & gain.

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wonwvoo · 5 years ago

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Content Creator Year in Review

tagged and mentioned by the talented people @xuseokgyu, @coupsnim, @uriboogyu, @myunqho, @art-hao thank you so much for either tagging me or mentioning me in this, im so happy and sorry it took so long ;-;

first creation of 2020:

ahh it was this fear gfx i made when i came back to tumblr

most recent creation of 2020:

joshua one i did for his birthday!

one of your favourite creations from 2020:

its my wonwoo one ;-; i love love how the first panel turned out

a creation you are really proud of:

probably my poster one, because i determined myself to use scenes from the mv as background and im glad it turned out pretty

a new style you tried this year and a work that uses it:

mingyu one, it was my first time to do a themed one and it was kinda harder than i thought to follow a certain theme

a creation that took you forever:

joshua brithday one, i started it at the start of december but i kept changing my mind and i think i had abut 10 different panels to choose from, it was painfulll

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes:

my poster one! im glad it got the most notes, that is the only gfx i made i think its pretty

a creation you think deserved more notes:

my wonwoo one ;-; i love this set and i think it deserved more love but it is what it is and we move on :))

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it:

hmm i didnt do this but i guess i came back to tumblr after like 4 years? does that count..

a creation you made that breaks your heart:

i dont really think i have one? but maybe my dwc one because it turned out pretty but i wanted to make way different one and it wasnt turning out the way i wanted to so i just went with it

a simple creation that you really love:

wasnt really simple to make but again my wonwoo one hahaha can you see how bitter i am

a creation that was inspired by another one:

i dont think i have one?

a favourite creation created by someone else & some of your favourite cc from the year:

im gonna combine these two bc ill mention some of my fav cc and fav creators from them! i wont be tagging any of you bc i think its too late? but please feel free to do it if you havent already done so id love to see it and also bc i wanted to mention those who mentioned me :)

@xuseokgyu: its this one for sure! i still remember thinking it was a real poster, belle is the best when it comes to doing posters for fanfics, id never have the determination and skill to do something for so specific

@coupsnim: i never properly looked at your edits, damn all of them is so nice. you know how people press flowers in books? somehow it makes feel the same way, so delicate and elegant? i cant find the words but i love all of your edits, if i had to mention one its this one! its so retro-ish but so different retro feeling, i cant describe it well but pls know i love it!! also shinee blog? im coming for this blog when i revamp my blogs

@uriboogyu: i also never properly looked at your stuff and there is so much pretty stuff on there, i just fell in love instantly when i saw this tho! i love the transitions, typos and everything, the patience to do these kind of edits? i admire, and your love for bread seungkwan is so cute ;-; (we are mutuals btw hehe my main blog is not this one so you were probably confused)

@myunqho: i love your colouring so much!! they all look so soft, i think they are the prettiest gifs ;-; but if i had to choose one, its this one. when i saw the colouring in this, i gasped, its sooo pretty

@art-hao: i love love this one!! i used to buy these japanese fashion magazines when i was in high school and it reminded me so much of those! thank you for mentioning my poster, please know this edit also stole my heart and hasnt returned it. also i love your unfinished thingy, it looks so pretty!!

and some of my favs:

@johajaho: i love this art, i feel blessed whenever i look at it, i love your style!

@seungwoonies: this one is so colourful i love it, positioning of those three, the typo, colours, everything!!

& so much more, but my small brain can’t remember a lot now. im so glad caratrevival happened and there were so much good content out there. i hope 2021 blesses us with a lot more creations and let’s support each other bc now i know why people were saying blogs only like and not reblog, it is painful ;-;

and also happy new year!! hope everyone enjoyed little bit of holiday spirit even in this tough times :)

#mtnd ♡#sorry it took so long i get soo busy at the end of year so just had the time to sit down #pls know i appreciate every one of you and your creations #pls dont get discouraged by the number of notes and keep doing what you love ;-;#there are of course some creations i missed and im so sorry #im sending every creation out there some love bc tumblr became a tough platform to create and receive love

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statticscribbles · 5 years ago

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Shadow

Summary: Steve/Billy, I love some good body horror, also this was written like years ago, so it might be a little different to my usual style

He’s tried his best to ignore it, the hissing; the way he can feel his own heartbeat being twisted into screams; how nothing smells the same; there’s some sort of sweet rotting scent, like vomit or drying meat. It takes him far too long to realise its himself; he watches the veins, the tendrils sliding against his skin, he runs his fingers over them, feeling ridges and coils he knows he shouldn’t. He cant help but shiver, picturing unblemished skin, picture harring-don’t think don’t think don’t think, he screams in tandem with the veins, with the creature that sinks below his skin as he sunk below the world, do not give him away, keep him safe keep him safe, don’t think don’t think, he knows its dissecting him, pulling him apart in pieces, internally; he imagines someone cutting him open once it kills him; his brain scrambled beyond function, his organs cut into chunks, into ribbons and shredded beyond the worst murders any of them have seen.

He can feel movement, not under his skin as he expects but himself moving; he knows he hasn’t been outside in hours weeks days, too long; he cant feel the sun, cant feel the cold wither; he’s not sure what he needs to wear; he’s unconcerned, he needs- dont think dont think dont think; it breaks, the way he grits his teeth scowling at himself at how the veins choke against him; with how they recede, how he can feel warmth suddenly rushing through him like water; he knows it knows too; he’d tried, he reminds himself, took the better part of however long it had been; he likes to think days; he knows he probably doesn’t have that.

He’s moving too fast, begging himself to slow down, to act human to appear what everyone sees him as. Nothing changes except he can no longer feel once more; he knows he should be tired dimly recognising the area he’s in, how far he’s traveled; how far it forced him to go, he staggers forward unsure of the ringing in his ears, the way the ground twists, his face hitting the grass; he wonders if the ground will swallow him once more. Instead light floods his vision, he can see feet moving towards him; he struggles finding himself bound to the earth; he can feel the veins pulsing the excitement they both feel is making him sick.

-Jesus- He doesn’t hear the figure speak just knows the way the face moves and the concern melts; he can feel the figure picking him up; he feels like he should weight ten tons but the veins are so busy thrumming in his ears he’s barely aware the figure is talking let alone the other people who seem to have appeared, he wants to shut his eyes; the lights are undulating against the shapes and items he no longer can name. He can feel everything spinning around him as a central point; he cant even move to turn to vomit; he cant hear anything suddenly; everything fully being silenced. he doesn’t struggle, doesn’t move frozen; numb; waiting for what happens after the silence; waiting for the screaming; the sound of bone snapping and fragmenting; the feeling of blood dripping from inside him to pool against his skin and muscles unbroken.

Nothing comes; he tentatively closes his eyes relieved when he can. He sleeps on his own for the first time. He doesn’t wake up, just as he doesn’t fall asleep. He’s only aware of the not being when his vision seems to return to him, when the blurry expanse of gray and blue pull back, the flashes of light and prickle of fire recede from his body. He cannot turn his head. He cannot move his body. He cannot feel what is not his; for the veins, the smoke that bleeds from under his skin has soaked against his body, he can feel it feather light in its movements as it coils around his organs, snakes between his bones and pulls the marrow from them. He knows he shouldn’t fight anymore; not now, not yet; he lets the smoke, the cool leeching from inside him settle centered in his chest.

He wonders if the smoke is what’s keeping his heart beating, surprised when he can feel the hold it keeps over him lessen. Fix it, fix it, fix it. Is all that come through when he tries to move, tries to think about what is suddenly flashing in front of his vision. Hand, fingers, arm. He sighs, letting the air return to his lungs by himself. He cringes knowing the creature has given him control back to posess someone. He reaches half blind towards the heartbeat the creature allows him to hear. Take, take, take. He’s confused when he can feel panic rise, the smoke bubbling into his throat cutting his breathing off. Wrong, wrong wrong. He leans his head against the wall keeping his eyes closed trying to avoid the feeling of everything twisting from under him. He opens them slowly surprised to see something sitting across from him. He doesn’t scream, his eyes clouded, he wonders why he can’t see.

“Billy, what happened.” Oh no.no, no no, wrong wrong wrong, not him not him, not him. He wants to vomit, he can feel his mouth cracking, his teeth grinding as he pries them open, fighting his own nerve impulses and synapses to manage to unlock his jaw. His vision goes black but the sound stays, he can hear it, the same creature that came to him in the other place, the broken screaming thing that stuttered and vomited sound, that was drowning in static and too much of everything, warping his vision the same as it is now. The sound is what he remembers, he can feel his arms, his hands trying to move towards his own mouth, to shut him down, to bring him to control once again. He can hear the scream clearer, its more of a whine, a pitiful noise the kind animals make when they’re wounded, not a creature from the other place he reasons, something from this place, something from here. He can feel a finger hooking into his mouth, his own trying to force his jaw closed or maybe to make him puke the creature so it can find a new host, so it can find something better.

Instead he doesn’t scream , he cannot when half is hand is being crushed by his teeth. He doesn’t feel pain, he can’t feel anything just as he can’t see and then he can’t hear. He knows the creature is angry, he can feel the way it ripples against him, like water damp and heavy. It vanishes all at once, and suddenly he’s lying on a bed, in a house, in a room , in Steve’s room, with Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve bleeding from his hand, half of which is now on the bed sitting next to him. He looks up, Steve’s face twisted in horror, his hand reaching hesitantly out. Fear, fear fear, he’s afraid he’s afraid of you, you’re bad, you’re bad. He can hear it echoing before everything is taken away again. He understands his last view of Steve the figure was meant to be agonizing for him to think of.

He’s not sure if he’s sitting or laying once more, he can faintly feel a hand somewhere against him and he reasons someone must had at least restrained him. Those wont stop us, we need, we need. He screams into his head, howling and trying his best to drown it out. He’s given sound and partial sight back, he’s still sitting, the figure Steve is next to him, he flexes his fingers twining them with Steve the figure’s. He watches the figure relax, can see his mouth moving but not the sound that comes out. He watches, tracking his eyes and skipping a breath when he sees his hand, uninjured next to him; the part he’d bitten off, the fingers he’d crushed under his teeth sit next to it, blood staining the sheet and the flesh itself a dull gray and sheened black. “What’s going on,Billy, what happened?” He swallows confused how clear Steve is. “It; it wants-“ “Want’s what?” Steve’s fingers tighten, the other hand brushing up his arm. Wants you, wants you wants you, want you, want you, want you. “Don’t know, just know I’m supposed to bring it what it wants.” “You can’t remember anything from-“ His voice cuts off, as if he’s underwater and he waits patiently for Steve the figure’s voice to return. “Billy?” He relishes in how comforting his name is. He blinks at Steve, not nodding, not moving, the burning in his chest reminding him he’s not breathing either. He waits, curious which will give in first.

“It wants you.” He breathes out before it can choke him back down. Steve freezes nodding slowly. “Why?” “Because I want you.” Steve’s eyebrows knit together but he nods. “And you’re the creature right so-?”

“No! I want you! You’re mine!” No right to him, no right to him, mine mine mine. He screeches, snarling in the space between them before he tugs Steve even closer, pulling him on top of himself effortlessly, he can dimly hear the hand, his hand, thunking to the floor and he pays no mind as he curls around Steve. He doesn’t struggle, laying there limp, shaking only slightly. He can feel his hand running through Steve’s hair, humming softly. Mine mine mine mine. “It wants what I have what everyone here does, it wants. It hurts with it, like I do, why we match so well.” He mumbles hand petting Steve’s hair. “I thought it wanted to take the world?” “Yes.”

“Am I like a gateway or somethin’? If anything El would-“ “Mine.” Billy hisses between his teeth and Steve looks up. “Oh.” Billy hums please when Steve nods slowly, he presses their forehead together and they sit content in silence for a moment, Billy trying his best not to choke on the veins that burrow into him like barbs.

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#billy hargrove x steve harrington #steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove #billy hargrove imagine #billy x steve #stranger things request #stranger things imagine #stranger things #stattic

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fruitpunchninja101 · 5 years ago

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Slow Dancing In The Dark

Characters: Hanji Zoe x Levi Ackerman

Genre: Romance/Fluff

Rating: T

Here’s part 1 of my gift for LeviHan Eggscghange 2020 :) I hope my dear giftee enjoys this.Part 2 will be out in a couple of days!

You can also read this on AO3

@levihanweek

Working for Sina Industries has always been a life long dream for Hange.As a wide eyed child,she would always watch live broadcasts of their space launches and tell herself one day shes gonna be there.Standing in mission control smiling as she watched one of her creations get sent to a different planet.Armed with a degree & a determined heart,she applied as an engineer.You could imagine her disappointment when she was crammed into an 8x12 cubicle in the basement to design and develop circuitry which their boss greedily takes credit for all the damned time.She's pretty good at keeping a front that shes a pretty chill with all her bosses bullshit but she finally lost it when he started harassing a temp.Hange bravely spoke out and got into a heated argument with her boss.She got supended for a week after that.

It took almost six months before she was promoted to another 8x12 cubicle.Only this time,shes moving up on the infamous 17th floor.The place where they flung all the adept yet problematic employees.Its pretty much the same,shitty boss,intricate work but now on a higher pay grade and a lot more hearsay about her reputation.Its not so bad though,despite the lack of recognition and grueling work hours she met a handful of wonderful coworkers who shared the same pain.

Mike and Nanaba were sort of the required stable couple of the group.She met them a month after the big promotion when she caught them making out in the copy room.She's probably standing there for an entire minute awkwardly making fake cough noises to alert them of her presence.Enter Erwin Smith,he casually strode up by the couple and grabbed the box of printer ink Hange desperately needed.He's like freaking Captian America & Superman combined except he has a mind of a slytherin.Not that it was a bad thing.

And then there's Levi,The crabbiest member of their little group,Mr.I-look-very-angry-and-irritated-all-the-time-but-inside-lies-a-total-softy.He’s a clean freak who befittingly,is a sanitary engineer.Rumors say that Levi had tendencies with violence and had to be sent at 17th floor for precaution.There used to be a time when they didn't get along.She'd been very welcoming towards him but hes always been aloof and cold.She didn't mind it at first,but after a while it kinda got into her nerves.Til that christmas party back in 2017,where she had a few drinks and sort of confessed that she liked him and it really bummed her out that he didn't feel the same way.For the first time,she saw something other than disinterest and irritation on his face...she saw confusion.He asked her what shes on about,then reminded her that he just made her chocolates for valentines day when she won't shut up about craving something sweet.He doesn't do that kind of shit just for anyone and after that,hange was pretty sure they've become best friends.

Their friendship was forged in companionship in misery but as time passed they became her second family.

One of the things that Hange looked forward to is hanging out with them every Friday night at a dive bar a few blocks away from their office where they get shit faced and let off some steam from their work.Hange was preoccupied with the jukebox when Mike arrived with his arm slung over Levi dragging the smaller man into her space.”You'll never guess what happened.”The man announced and before she could answer the man screamed."Someone got asked for a date!"

"Ohoho!Whos the lucky girl?"Nanaba came out of nowhere carrying two mai tais and handed one to Hange before heading over at Mike's side.

"Petra Ral."Erwin chimed cooly while sipping a glass of scotch.His blond hair still laid perfectly even after a long tiring day at work.

"From PR?Holy shit!Good job!"Hange said slapping Levi’s shoulder hurting her hand in the process.The man didn’t even falter from where he stood,all he did was stare straight at her before scowling."It's not a big deal.”He said settling his gaze on his side.

Hange smiled.

He’s shy.Levi Ackerman is actually being shy about getting asked out by an adorable strawberry blonde colleague.Isn’t that precious?She’d never seen him like that before.Heaven knows how much she wanted to tease him about his situation but she can clearly tell by the way he clenched his jaw and the deep creases on the space between his brows that if she says anything,he'd run straight to the wall to escape,cartoon style.

Mike started telling the story and Levi sneakily started edging towards the exit.Before the questions came flooding in,Levi was already gone.

“I think I should follow him.“Hange announced.

"Try to convince him to go out with Ral!"Mike shouted which prompted Erwin to take his drink away from him."I think you had enough."

"Goodluck!"Nanaba raised her drink at her.Before helping Erwin keep Mike's drink away from him.

Hange found Levi brooding on the sidewalk while smoking.”Can I get a light?”She asked.

“Its cold.”He said,which also translates to she should go back inside or she’ll catch a cold.Levi’s nice like that,it took everything in her to hold back and not make a snide comment.He alwas hated it when he gets called out for being considerate.

“So Petra Ral huh?”She started.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“We don’t have to,If you don’t want to.”Hange calmly took a box of cigarettes from her pocket and stood a bit closer to him.

“Good.”He said before tossing her his lighter.

Hange bit her lower lip to stifle a smile and Levi was already armed with his grumpy face.He's getting a little agitated.She let the silence drag on for a while as she started to giddily shift from where she stood.Unable to contain her curiosity.

“But its Petra Ral...The Petra Ral!Our company sweetheart.”She exploded.

“I barely know her.”

"Isn’t that what dating is for?!Besides,She probably just needs to get dicked down."Hange said casually."Go for it!Have a little fun.What’s there to lose?"

"Yeah well...I don't think I could."Levi started bouncing his leg.Is he nervous?Agitated?Both?It seemed like he's trying to say something.

“Levi,you know we wont judge you if you’re gay right?You don’t have to hide it from us.”

“Why would I be hiding that if I was?”

“Then what are you nervous for?"

“I’m not nervous...I.."Levi paused as if he's considering if he should tell her."I haven’t...I...”

“You're acting like you've never been out on a date."she said.

Levi visibly stiffened and averted her curious eyes.From where she sat,she could see how levi clenched his jaw and feel him hold his breath.No?It cant be...

"Oh.Its been a while for you huh?like 6 months?"She tried to take a wild stab but was met with silence.Hange sobered."You’ve never been on a date before?"she repeated a little louder than she meant to and not soon after she found Levi's hand over her mouth.

“You wanna scream that a little louder?“

“EVER?!”She peeled his hand off her face and asked.

“Tch.I dont need this.“Levi rolled his eyes and started leaving but hange caught his arm.

"Hey!I'm sorry.I didn't know.Its nothing to be embarrassed about.Its just,its a little uncommon you know.I'm really sorry.I didn't mean to be a dick.”

She assumed that its not because of the lack of people who wanna date with him.Believe it or not,this whole quiet mysterious guy persona is a total chick magnet.She even had several people from the office ask about him every once in a while.So what happened?Is it trauma?Is he aromantic?Holy shit!How could she be so insensitive?

“Stop looking at me like that.”He frowned.Snapping her out of her thoughts.

“Sorry,I was just thinking...”

“Don’t think of anything.Just mind your own business and let me be.”

“What kind of friend would I be if I let you be?”

“A good one.And stop drawing conclusions!I can practically see the thoughts up your head.I'm not anything I just...dont know how.”

“why are you so intent on giving up?!I thought you like her!”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Oh please Ackerman!How can you not?She's the perfect mix of adorable,kind,fiesty and beautiful...she’s perfect for you!”

"What do you want me to do?"he asked,in his how can I make you shut up tone.

"What if I help you?You could...I dont know...practice with me?I could help you with the whole dating thing!"Levi looked at her as if she grew another head.Honestly shes just happy he didn't look disgusted with her proposal.He gave her a once over before pinching the bridge of his nose.She knows this maneuver.Its the what-have-i-gotten-my-self-into or holy-shit-am-I-actually-considering-this move.“Are you sure about this?”He asked.

Hange made a gesture of crossing over her heart and raising her right hand up and levi scrunched his brows together.

“Quit downplaying this.I’m serious.”

“I wont offer it if my not 100% I’m serious. The last guy I went out with was a total disappointment and Petra deserves better than that.You know she helped me last Christmas...”

“Yeah,yeah she helped you change your tire."He supplied,refraning hange from tellong the story again.

“And in exchange I'm gonna help you be more fun and well rounded for your date!It's the circle of life!”Hange enthusiastically smiled.

“Alright.How do we start?”Levi asked.

"Ask Petra to reschedule your date for next week,Then we can take the whole week to practice."

The harsh sun bore down on Levi as if reminding him never to indulge Hange with her antics again.Aparrently,she found Petra's online journal and identified that she had two dream dates.One is a carnival date (which explains why he is standing in line for cotton candy out in the middle of the goddamn afternoon.) and the other was spending an evening at a local jazz bar in the city.

Levi doesn't know how she successfully lured him out.You see,he liked his comfort zone and for some unknown reason Hange always challenged him to take a step out of the little box he created around him.And although there are times when she proved that taking a risk was worth it,Levi never really appreciated getting stuck in very shitty situations like now.He doesn't know how she seemed fine with all these shitty conditions.Maybe because she's been busy talking about her new droid remodel.

"Hey Levi are you listening to me?"

"Yes."He said exasperated.

"What was I saying then?"She folded her arms and raised her brows,challenging him.

"You're planning to replace fiberglass with aerogel as insulator on your next shitty droid."He said which earned a bright smile from her.Tch!He rolled his eyes at that and stepped forward after the couple infront of them was served with an unreasonable amount of cotton candy.

"I'll get the giant sunshine surprise."Hange said and the vendor then started shaping the cotton candy into a big daisy.Hange looks absolutely delighted.

"That will be 50 dollars."The vendor said offering his open palm to him which prompted him to turn towards Hange."Oh!let me get my wallet!"Hange started going though her bag and for some reason he felt chills run through him.WheN he raised his head,he noticed that people around them started glaring at him.Oh great he forgot!He's in a fake date.He assumed people still think he's obligated to pay.Tch.So fucking primitive.Although he's never the guy who gave much fuck about what others think,he didnt want people to think Hanges being mistreated.Begrudgingly,he paid for the goddamn cotton candy.Hange took that opportunity to talk about how expenses should be handled during dates,she personally likes going dutch but immediately started going on about some studies that says women generally like it when the males carries out the expenses.

Hange's like a battery that never runs out of energy.She wanted to ride every possible attraction from the carnival!Beads of sweat are starting to form on her forehead but she never seem to notice,he started leading her to a park bench to rest for a bit.He appreciated how much she prepared.She was very keen on citing the psychology articles and some magazines she read to help him be better at dating.He doesn't even know why would anyone even exert that much effort for him.

She really is something.

He pulled out his handkerchief out of his pocket and started gently dabbing it on her forehead.

She smiled.

Hange didn't really need to teach him much.Despite the seemingly abrasive qualities Levi possess,the man is a very courteous guy.He said thank you,please and treated the park employees with respect.Shes pretty sure he wouldnt have much trouble impressing a girl."You never told me why you've never been out on a date."She started.

"I was never asked."Levi shrugged as if telling her its no big deal.Hange was shocked at his honesty but appreciated his straight answer.

"Based on my observations today I'd say all those girls that didnt ask you out missed out on a good time."

"Tch!Quit bullshitting me."

"It's true!You diligently listened to my stories, joined me riding all the and most importantly,you bought me an unreasonably overprized cotton candy."

Levi let out a soft chuckle at that and Hange immediately panicked.This is the first time she ever made him chuckle and goddamn it was glorious.It's like his features lit up and made him look years younger.She had to bit her lower lip to sort of calm her wild heartbeat.They stayed seated on the bench for a while when Levi surprisingly asked her to walk around some more.As they started to amble along the park,an idea popped on her head.

Her hands gently crept on his wrist and made way to cup his hand "what the..."He glared at their joined hands,but didn't find the need to pull away."You're sticky."He remarked

"Does sticky hands really matter if youre holding hands with your crush?"She asked.He kept his eyes on her and he saw blush creep up to her face."I-I mean not me...I meant Petra...which is basically me because im her placeholder at the moment and..."

"Hange."

"Hm?"

"Shut up."He slipped his Fingers against the gaps of hers and continued wandering around the park.

#levihan #levihaneggschange #levihaneggschange2020 #hange zoe #hanji zoe #levi ackerman #snk #aot #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk fanfiction #fanfiction #otp

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terminally-karkalicious · 4 years ago

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allow me to rant about the only thing that has been in my brain for the past two months and that is doll customizing babeyyyyy

i know there’s a 90% chance that you wont give a Shit about any of this but here we go anyways

SO first you gotta choose a doll. preferably one with a high range of motion to avoid creating new joints or having annoying limitations like not having elbow joints for some fucking reason. what the fuck mattel. give monster high dolls back their ball jointed shoulders and elbow joints. smh

the most common dolls ive seen used as bases are monster high and ever after high. most customs ive seen are highly stylized so the stylized face molds work well for those types of dolls but dolls like barbies are good for when you want a more realistic face-ups.

once you’ve got your base picked out you gotta wipe that bitch’s face off with like. acetone or nail polish remover or something strong like that. you can also use acetone to shrink doll heads which is cool as hell imo. n e way once the face is wiped you gotta chop off the hair and remove the hair plugs from the inside. ive seen this done several ways but the easiest and most common way ive seen is to dunk the head into boiling water for ~30 seconds until it gets squishy and malleable. once you’ve got the head back, you can use pliers (i think tweezers would work in a pinch) to pull out the hair plugs which are kinda icky because theyre covered in glue and other gross shit. ew

now you must decapitate the doll. dunk em back in the boiling water to soften them back up then just tug the head off. the neck pegs look funky and are usually a different color than the body so thats cool ig

once the head’s off, you can start the face-up which is basically just giving the doll a new face using stuff like watercolor pencils, acrylic paint, gouache, and a whole lot of other stuff. hell ive seen people use person makeup on these dolls.

next,,,,, hair. there’s about twenty million ways to do hair from gluing yarn wefts to sewing to rerooting with purchased nylon doll hair or yarn wefts but i’m gonna talk about the most common one ive seen which is rerooting and gluing.

before you can reroot, you need doll hair. which, as i mentioned, can be bought at stores like the doll planet or made at home with yarn in literally any color. have fun with it! make rainbow hair or something idk

to make homemade wefts, you take some acrylic yarn, cut it twice as long as you want the hair to be (keep in mind you can cut and style the hair once it’s been rerooted), fold them in half, and tie it to something sturdy like a wire coat hanger for the next step.

once you’ve got your yarn tied to your hanger, use a pet brush and brush the yarn until it’s wispy and looks like hair. then take a straightening iron and iron the weft flat. then remove from the hanger and boom. hair wefts. ta-da

to reroot the wefts onto the head, use a rerooting tool (which can be as simple as a needle with the eye cut at angle) (just google it please i’m shit at descriptions)) to poke small sections of the hair into the head. you can use the pre-existing rooting holes for your own reroot as they’re usually pretty reliable. to reroot, take a small length of you doll hair (about 10-15 strands), loop it in half, and put the middle of the loop into the reroot tool. poke the end of the tool with the hair on it into the pre-existing hole and remove the tool. the hair *should* stay in and fill up that plug!! also remember to plug thickly at the hairline and part of the hair where it's most noticeable. it doesnt matter as much in the center of the head as that’s not usually visible on the doll. once you’ve rerooted, squeeze in strong glue through the neck hole and squish around the head to make sure it covers all the plugs and secures them in place. then pour hot water onto the head to make the hair lay flat for styling later.

also, you can reroot yarn directly into the head to make thicker, more textured hairstyles. and since the yarn is thicker, you dont need to glue the inside of the head for the hair to stay in place!!

if youre not doing body modifications (which are also cool as hell) then it’s time for clothes but clothes are boring and i like body mods more so i’m gonna rant about them instead

the material ive seen most doll artists use is apoxie sculpt, which is like play doh on steroids. it comes in two parts which you gotta mix together for some reason. why dont they sell it pre-mixed. what was the reason. also once it’s dry it’s super super strong and you can sand it, drill into it, paint it, and all kinds of stuff. very nice and i want some for myself.

you can use hand saws and drills and shit to whack off doll limbs to make stuff like digitigrade legs or new joints. also dont be afraid to use other mismatching doll parts when customizing like heads and bodies and forearms and hands and shit. it literally does not matter if youre gonna recolor the doll anyways so have fun with it. make frankenstein’s doll if youre feeling spicy

accessories my beloved. stuff like tiny beads and clay baubles and shit will literally transform the entire doll plus they’re adorable and multi-purpose

i suppose i must talk about clothes now. ah well. you can find great clothing patterns if youre new to customizing on other customizer’s etsy shops and probably google although those will probably be lower quality than paid pattern pieces. and keep in mind that if it exists as clothing irl, you can likely make it doll-sized. there are literally no limits to your clothing options as long as you can execute your idea.

the once all your components have been made, you can assemble the doll again!! and finally see what all the parts look like together!! very cool 10/10 stars.

ight that wraps up my doll rant. i could really go into more detail on certain parts but thats a whole other rant for a whole other day smh. sorry for fucking flooding your inbox ender ahaha……………. you asked for this

little did you know that dolls have been one of my favorite things since like ever. if i can read a 25 chapter long fanfic i can read this B)

mattel definitely fucked up by completely ruining MH doll designs and just stopping EAH, alot of their profits most likely came from people who collect and customize dolls and by changing MH doll designs/Stopping EAH dolls they 1. most likely lost a small (or big if we're not jus talking people who customize dolls) part of their profit and 2. made it harder for doll customizers to make dolls/get commissions out rather quickly because they probably have to waste more time making joints or learning how to make joints.

EAH/MH dolls (specifically MH dolls) had AMAZING MODELS because there was so much variety with height, face shapes, etc (my favorite molds had to be the short/tall dolls and the cat molds because of the tails) and doll customizers really went all out with enhancing a molds unique features. The only "downside" abt MH dolls is that they (or atleast most)(from what i remember)) had slimmer faces but wider eyes while EAH dolls have wider faces with slimmer smaller which left a canvas for the face and not the eyes (and vice versa for MH dolls)

I've never seen any videos where a barbie is customized (maybe because i absolutely despised barbies at the time) so I'll definitely have to check those out but they seem to be good for realistic makeovers. I've seen like like semi realistic makeovers for EAH/MH dolls that were pretty good too tho (pretty sure mostly EAH dolls since yk MH dolls were used for creature makeovers while most EAH dolls weren't)

yeah i was always amazed by the head shrinking with acetone. honestly i still am?? idunno i have no idea how that chemical bullshit works. Ive seen a few of uh makeovers that just pain over the face (in multiple layers ofcourse) but that's usually when they're painting the entire body a different colour (again usually when they're turning a doll into a funky little baby man). I've also seen a few that just chop the hair off and take out the hair plugs yk without uuh like softening the head or just go straight for the hair plugs after taking off the head (i used to do that it was funny to me??). i always really liked when they used watercolour pencils or just colour pencils in general to draw/sketch on the face cause like wow ur drawing on ur doll without ruining it?? kinda epic maybe even poggers and pogchamp?? oh god my brain is failing wjshsmsj.

Watching them putting the hair back on the doll was, other than the face stuff, was the BEST part for me. Favorite type of hair was iuuuuuh was either thick yarn or brushed out yarn. Literally worship the people that would reroot the hair, theyre the most patience people on this earth!! it's literally insane but i guess that's what happens when you've been doing that for years? you guess kinda get used to it. when they put glue into the head does it just become stiff?? like it's just a clump of dried glue or does it like..hollow out again??

dude you literally cannot convince me most of the supplies used for doll makeovers. APOXIE CLAY LOOKS SO FECKING GOOD. its edible and i will die on that hill. The body mods are literally so amazing!!!!! it's so impressive how theyre able to imagine certain features THEN LIKE ACTUALLY MAKE IT LOOK ACCURATE TO WHAT THEY WANTED TO LOOK LIKE AFTER LIKE ON TRY (or many yk trial and error is very necessary for..everything). Absolutely loved when doll customizers would saw off a dolls legs and use different ones or just completely get rid of the torso to use a different one. it's like uuh that one big guy that's mismatched and sewn together. very cool. The accessories are so fun!! just small little details you seen really need but can add because it's your feckin doll!! I used to be absolutely obsessed over the doll clothes i would find on etsy, so much so that i started sewing shitty shirts and dresses for my uh "customized" dolls (they were absolute HORRORS idk WHY my mom let me feck up my dolls like that).

Thank you for this!! i haven't been able to talk about any of my interests for a while and this just really made me happy!!

Question fer u my fellow MH/EAH enthusiast: what was your favorite MH/EAH movie/episode and doll series. Mine was The fusion dolls (MH obvi) and that MH movie "Haunted" cause we got to know more about Spectra :D

#YOOOO LONG POST?!#long post #:) hehehe #this was very fun to read cant wait for ur next fanfic length ask #asks :D #theoreticallyjasper

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axemetaphor · 5 years ago

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wwwhats up its 430am I cant sleep and I dont think I've ever done an annoying headcanon ramble for jdate on here so here we fuckin goooo I'm on mobile but I'm gonna try my damnedest to do a read more and if it doesnt work and looks stupid well sue me

amy is the one routinely awake before the other two. I dont mean shes always the first one to wake up, but her back pain is more likely to have her up in the early hours of the morning. shes also the only one who has anything thay resembles q sleeping schedule of the three as john is just like, completely fucked in that department and Dave's insomnia/depression-sleeping fucks him over sometimes. basically amy Has A Brain and also lost likely schedules it so that she can be falling asleep as her pain pills take effect.

amy also is the one who's like fairly into self care stuff like fuckinuhhh face masks and shit—look, I dont inow jackshit about self care, but I mean amy strikes me as the kind of person to actually maintain her appearance in a fairly regular manner. john will just like "forget" to take care of himself and then just Be Decadent for a week and then "forget" again (either going on a bender or just actually being normal for once) and all dave knows of self care is "when I get the urge to eat an entire pie, and give into that urge, That is self care"

anyways Partially because of that I headcanon Dave gets acne like Pretty Much All The Time and hes just kinda stopped caring about it. amy gets acne Sometimes because it just like Happens. john is that one lucky motherfucker who just is somehow naturally immune. perpetually clear skin on this man. I hate him

also dave Kind Of strikes me as the kind of guy fuckign "3 in 1" shampoo is targeted towards the man just Does Not Care. other girlfriends have tried to get him into actually using different kinds of soaps and not just defaulting to "3 in 1 wherever I think soap should go" but its amy who actually succeeds in breaking this terrible habit hes had.

also I think that Despite his hair being described as frizzy and all that, John actually takes care of his hair. except for times when hes Less Than Functional. and also yknow when the world is fuckin ending but I doubt anyone really has time for a haircare routine when they gotta be fighting monsters and shit

amy again is just a normal person about hair. but shes the only one who can actually cut hair and tbqh I think she does it Pretty Well! shes no professional but shes not john either that's for sure (if you let john close to your head with scissors, well— it's your funeral, man)

this is completely projecting and also like totally Useless but I just think it would be funny if Dave has exploding head syndrome. if you donf know what that is it's a phenomenon-or-something where right when you're dropping off to sleep your brain just liek idk gets bored I guess? and comes up with some phantom Loud Noises to startle the shit out of you. it's great! and by 'great' I mean terribly annoying! but in general I think Dave is a Very restless sleeper so him suddenly flinching himself awake isnt exactly Abnormal.

amy sleeps like a normal human being Mostly, I think she Might be one of those sorts who likes to sleep curled up in the fetal position which is so very valid. she gets night terrors sometimes though because ✨trauma✨. the best way to comfort her with that is a tight hug cause I feel like her Main fear would be that shes all alone again and a hug sure does help people feel less alone I think,

john either starfishes out when he sleeps (also I headcanon he likes to sleep at least Partially on top of Dave and Dave only pretends to hate it) or grabs hold of something and clings to it tightly. hes a very light sleeper, though, and snaps awake at any loud noise or especially if he gets bumped into too strongly. this doesn't always play well with Dave's restlessness and tendency to Sleep Fight but they manage.

I feel like its fairly common to Assume john has tattoos but specifically I feel like a lot of his tattoos are things he or his friends have drawn, I wrote about it Once Or Twice but maybe not here so I'll just like say it again, I think he asks his friends to draw shit on him then goes and gets it tattooed later (or, hell, right then and there lmao) and it's like a Mark of Friendship. he claims Dave has drawn the most on him because Dave's his best friend but whether or not that's true, who knows. the first one was from Dave, though, and john did it himself stick-and-poke style the night of. that happened while they were still in high school and Dave was actually Slightly Embarrassed because what he doodled was just like really stupid looking and fuckin hell john now you're gonna have that on you forever what the hell man? but the rest of John's tattoos, if not done by friends they're either things he drew (I maintain he still draws in his downtime I love the idea of artistically talented john so much-) or weird shit he found online.

I honestly didnt think Dave would really get tattoos because he does state hes afraid of needles BUT as someone Also afraid of needles who paradoxically wants tattoos .. he could probably power through it and get like A Few. one of them is from John (stick-and-poke style, again,) and I am Not actually sure how many hed have but definitely less than John. amy only has that one tattoo that I keep forgetting when I draw her godfuckendammit-

John is the one who makes the most Food Monstrosities (Dave barely even bothers to cook) and he does this by making just the worst decisions both technical-wise (as in, hes Definitely the "just turn the oven temperature up to speedrun cooking" kind of guy) and taste-wise. dave on the other hand is likely to make terrible drinks like jack daniels + mountain dew which my buddy Ben so fantastically dubbed "jack and piss." the sheer Concept of jack daniels + mtn dew tho is thanks to that one kurtis conner video about becoming a country boy which is entirely unrelated but everyone needs to know. ANYWAY.

john and Amy like playing pranks on each other (and dave). they're in an ongoing low-key prank war and Dave is Mostly just spectating but sometiems they Conspire to commit mischief against him. it's annoying sometimes but ultimately more endearing than it is annoying so he never gets Too mad.

john and Amy absolutely have Gaming Nights(tm) that sometimes include dave as well unless they wanna play some like fps game, I'm fairly sure hes said he doesnt really like those. but they also can get Competetive which, dave tends to act as a bit of a buffer to keep them from getting Too into it ... but sometimes he gets a little competitive too. what I'm trying to say is them playing mario kart is absolute chaos and also an event i woudl buy tickets to

john has a youtube channel for sure. he is So obnoxious. he hardly has any audience because let's be honest his videos kind of suck— they're all either kinda boring vlogs or him recording the cases he and Dave go on (when he can convince Dave to let him) which are almost always declared Fake by the commenters. amy is subscribed to him. dave probably doesnt even have/use his own YouTube channel so he was not subscribed until john stole his phone and did it for him. (he never watches the videos) the videos are not edited much, I dont think any of them really knows too much about video editing shit.

dave cant fuckin do math.

John and Dave do Not know how to handle crying. like Dave's learned what helps Amy, in specific, but anybody else? clueless. Dave also just does not cry very often in general (shut up lemme project again LMAO-) and tends to just refrain from doing it even if he wants to/probably should, rarely ever actually breaking down and letting it all out; he'll stop himself from getting there/even crying much in the first place. he doesn't exactly have a Reason for it or at least not one he can recite (it's the bullying. we dont get details of how that was beyond The Locker Room Incident which I wont go into but I'm just going to project the rest of it was similar to shit I went through, It's The Bullying). John also kinda Doesn't Cry and actually hes even more restrained about it than Dave, because he won't even cry around either of them if he can avoid it and if it happens he 1) will Not address it, 2) prefers no one else acknowledge it, and 3) will Run The Fuck Away if it's acknowledged. they both try Really Really Hard to help amy when shes crying though, if shes crying for a Big Reason, cause they both also understand she just cries easily and doesnt always need or want comfort.

that,s all for now BUT if I come up with mroe. there will be a reblog. also these are not all like "I am the only one who's ever tho ig ht this" or w/e a lot of them are from me talking with other people or Absorbing much older posts on here because I read Everuthing I can find.

I sure hope I can sleep soon, this is probably mostly incoherent. gnight

#jdate #john dies at the end #not sonic #rambles.txt #do i dare ? i do indeed csuse several dave headcanins here are projection #kin

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massistocchifontana · 4 years ago

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The hunting of men… The dissolution of our past through the recognition of our mistakes

I am a man. I am a man who strives to be better every single day but am haunted by my own personal reflection that I have done wrong in the past. Like every man going through their various stages of growth there are moments when we are completely oblivious to why we act in the manner we do and we can analyse these experiences to the point where there is a psychological explanation for every single facet of our behaviour. I do not believe that this is the problem because like every man or woman there are stages of development and growth that we go through and this is essentially a process to become more conscious and aware and steering towards becoming more self-actualised individuals.

In other words, we do not come out the womb with this experiential knowledge of how we should be. This is down to life and the experiences that we encounter along the way. There is no one blueprint to how men should be and this phase we are in currently is highlighting an interesting shift that more and more men are becoming aware of themselves and the mistakes they have made.

Let me rephrase that: Men are becoming more aware of the bad choices they have made!

The problem with experience is that there is no master reset like a video game. We only have one shot at the experience itself and once we make a particular choice, we have to follow through with the chain reaction that follows. No matter how quickly or delayed we may be in recognising these bad choices, once made they will be imprinted in our minds forever.

Men have a different relationship with shame and what I mean by this is that we all have encountered shame throughout our lives but the manner in which we bottle it up and hide it away is very unique to us. We almost dissociate from the actual feeling itself and we will continue to find other avenues of achievement to mask the real knowledge that we carry this shame within us. It is only through very deep self-reflection that we realise how we have attached this shame to something enjoyable like sex or masturbation or work and other achievements. We have an uncanny ability to mask this shame.

Regardless of how many years of therapy I have done for myself and the continual personal development that I embark on daily, there will always be a conscious connection with the shame I feel towards the bad decisions I’ve made in the past. This is not to say that I am a monster or a villain like most men, but the manner in which I have carried myself in the past in relation to anyone or anything still holds an imprint deep in my soul when I compare who I was to who I am today. I believe this is a common feeling for many men, where you will find a common statement heard “can we move past this please”.

This is because there is shame there, and we feel it. But unfortunately we do not have a machine that can quantify how much shame we are feeling to visually illustrate to the person in front of us that we are feeling remorse and are deeply pained by the way we have been.

Most if not all of us going through this process of development can recognise that with hindsight we have probably behaved badly according to the current blueprint of how men should be and we are quickly labelled with the toxic masculinity title, or the narcissistic brand. I too am culpable of using these titles for men but I do so with knowledge of their history and most importantly the desire within them to change. Not using them in a manner to squash the individuals who are doing the work.

I truly sit here struggling to write this piece because it feels that there is a 50/50 split at the moment between men. This split is being maintained by very regressed men who do not want to change because their ecosystem they find themselves in wont challenge them enough to make the necessary changes, so why should they.

There is no immediate gratification in making these changes as a man, especially if it means that we have to change to suite others around us. There is not allure to being more evolved and being more conscious because it is too healthy and not charged enough. There is no draw to making love over fucking like animals where we can appease our ego drive in its fullest. Immersion into our conscious self takes time and patience and perseverance but is not easy.

So the question is why should we change as men?

The simple answer is one of respect. The man who does not try to become more within himself so outwardly he can serve more is a man who has no respect for himself and the world he lives in. There is no denying that men want sex all the time but this doesn’t mean that the manner in which we go about getting it isn’t sullied. We need to become more reflective of the kind of man we want to be and make the changes necessary to achieve that self-image. Because we have a choice in most things, the moment we become more conscious in our ability to make changes, this is where our responsibility towards our self and others becomes paramount and we have to honour ourselves in the quest to achieve this.

We are given a loose blueprint of how to be as men. This blueprint is constantly changing but can be seen to slowly shift towards a better model, but unfortunately still maintains very bad traits. The blueprint that has been bestowed on us may not be a conscious one in its acceptance and its seldom a case where someone has sat us down and explained this is what is expected from us being men. Instead most of our learning is achieved through the collective of men we engage with. It is only within recent years that we can say that men’s groups are becoming more popular and we now have a platform to face up to the varied styles of masculinity and most importantly the shame we harbour.

The importance to change, is not about change but growth. This may be a clever term for the same thing, but I truly view this process as one of growth. Growing inwards towards a more connected and authentic self, grounded in the knowledge that everything we do as men can be founded on a principle of love and kindness. The knowledge that we can still be “manly” and love motorcycles and extreme sports and bars and pubs and all the things that stereotypically have been labelled as things men like to do. BUT, it too means that we have a choice in how we relate and show love in our fullness because in essence we as men want to show this love but struggle with “getting it right”.

The realm of relating and being exposed in our vulnerability is not an easy task for anyone especially men. Unless you’ve been fortunate enough to have these feelings normalised we run risk of not knowing how to navigate the space and in general the masculine mindset is about “getting things right”. This is usually why one of the most common problems in relationships is the man trying to fix the woman’s problem rather than knowing that holding the emotional space will be more effective over the long run in comparison to finding a solution.

We run an additional risk here and that is not knowing against who we should model ourselves on because there is such a variety of masculinity available. We have the tendency to model ourselves against men who are high achievers and unfortunately these are the men that will more often than not have a voice and be bold and stereotypically “alpha”.

We confuse achievement and success with acquisition and forcefulness. We confuse dismissal of the other with knowing how to navigate a debate linguistically and be present in doing so. We confuse our partners emotional turmoil as a task to fix and avoid learning to sit with discomfort. We confuse what society says about emotional expression as a means to express our anger towards someone rather than processing it in a manner that is constructive for you and the relationship you are in. We confuse superficial infatuation with deep love because we are mostly not able to navigate the full range of emotions. Ultimately this list of critique can go on and on, and we can point out all the flaws that men have.

The one thing we must not do is shut down a man who is really trying to change and be better. Because the harsh reality for many men out there is that we are afraid or have been afraid that our shame is provoked through an altercation or interacting with someone and instead of the actual work we’ve done being the primary focus we are hunted for being men on the backs of other unevolved men and on the backs of our forefathers and the mistakes they have made.

Like most atrocities in history, there is a collective reparation that needs to be spoken about and implemented. This doesn’t mean that there should be more segregation between men and women but really a coming together where we can celebrate ones self-actualisation and recognition that we are changing. This is not an easy process for people going through it and especially for the people who have experienced an unevolved man.

My hope is that the more and more men coming together to explore and understand the range of masculinities that are out there are also understanding that there are other more effective ways of being. More effective and fulfilling processes to challenge our ego and shadow and ultimately get to grips with who we are as men.

It is essentially brave for men to embark on this, but it is also incredibly courageous for women to accept and trust this process so that we can evolve forward.

Via Con Dios

#men #masculinity #masculine development

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valhallanrose · 5 years ago

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Hey, nobody asked for it, but I did the entire NSFW alphabet for Zelda because I could and here it is on your dash.

Under 18 don’t interact I’ll die

Anyway horny under the cut

[A] Aftercare

So here’s the thing about Zelda: she’s got the stamina of someone twice her size. No matter what role her partner takes/she takes, unless she has been completely worn out, she’ll take care of the cleanup/

Her favorite way to relax with her partner afterwards (or between rounds, if they have the energy) is with their head on her chest, so she can wrap her arms around them and run her fingers through their hair. Especially so if their hair is longer - she’ll play with it until she passes out, hand still half woven into the hair at the nape of their neck.

Sometimes, if she’s really into her partner, she’ll weave illusions for them. The ceiling of her room is enchanted, done just so to mirror the stars outside, but she’ll add her own magic to the enchantment so she can pull the stars down to her level. The constellations coalesce, tiny strands of light dancing between her fingers and down her arms, letting her manipulate them into creatures from everywhere between the depths of the sea and the highest mountain’s peak.

[B] Body Part (their favorite of theirs & their partner)

On herself - she likes her hips. Some of it is utility - balancing a basket is easy between her hand and hip and it’s convenient - and it’s the natural place her hands fall when she’s thinking or talking. But they’re also a good place to squeeze, with just enough softness to her to make it comfortable no matter why you’re clutching her hips.

On her partner - Zelda enjoys people’s hands. Not only for the pleasure they can provide, but also for the stories a person’s hands tell. She’ll take in the scars, the curves, the lines, whether your nails are manicured and well cared for or rough with ages of physical labor. No matter what, she’ll bring their hands to her lips, press a kiss to their knuckles and smile as she gives them a squeeze.

Also, if she’s bottoming and her partner (equipped with a strap or nature’s strap) holds her hand as they’re lining up? Oh my god, she fuckin’ dead

[C] Cum (anything to do with it)

She’s kinda neutral on this one? She doesn’t go wild for it but she doesn’t hate it

Please don’t cum on her face, that will have her nope out of the situation so fast (unless you’re afab in which the answer is please do she’ll feel like she did good)

Amab, just warn her and she’ll swallow instead

And if you want to cum on her, ask, because that’s not always something she’s into anyway. That has weird marking connotations for her.

She’s more pleased to know that she’s the one who made you feel that good rather than seeing the cum itself

As for her, she eats a lot of fruit, so hers ends up tasting sweet above all else, so if you’re not a fan tough shit because she won’t stop eating her fruit

[D] Dirty Secret

Really wishes someone would just drag her into a private space, pin her up against the wall, and take her right there. Clothing removed beyond the necessary is optional.

Like...full legs thrown over her partner’s arms, hips slapping together, having to bite down on her hand to keep from alerting anyone that she’s being absolutely railed in the shop’s backroom while loving every second of it.

She’s normally a ‘soft and slow’ person but that’s been one of her fantasies for a long time and she’s never felt comfortable enough with a partner to ask them to do that

Zelda, you’re drooling, get it together this is only the fourth letter

[E] Experience

Not wildly experienced. I’d say, in any timeline, she’s only had maybe two partners that got to a point of sexual encounter. It’s not that she’s opposed to casual flings (she’s had one or two), she just doesn’t always click with people, and she needs that connection to feel attracted enough to engage in a sexual relationship of any kind.

[F] Favorite Position

Lotus, for sure

She likes riding/being on top but she really generally enjoys the connection of being able to see her partner, kiss them as much as she wants, press her forehead against theirs

But also she’s up for smothering someone in kisses while giggling if they squeeze her sides in a weird way that makes her feel ticklish and that’s easiest to do when you can face your partner

[G] Goofy (are they serious or humorous in bed)

Definitely goofy. She’ll laugh it off when bodies make a weird noise, crack jokes, and bonus points if you dish it back.

Sex for her is about having a good time, and not just the pleasure aspect of it.

If you’re serious in bed go away her four-poster is for lighthearted sex only

[H] Hair

Definitely keeps things trimmed neatly, because she can’t stand the feeling of it getting long, nor can she even begin to tolerate the feeling of hair growing back after shaving it all off. She’s done that, she regretted it deeply.

A little lighter than the hair on her head, and let’s be real she probably oils it because she likes being generally soft and also prepared for a hypothetical encounter

[I] Intimacy

Intimacy comes easier to her if you reciprocate, obviously

Spread across the act, from foreplay to aftercare

Lots of gentle touches and soft words of praise

Feels most connected to someone during sex the more intertwined with them she is - hence why she likes the Lotus position. It’s easy to see them, watch their pleasure, press gentle kisses to their lips and face and smooth back their hair

In a relationship, it’s the most intense way she can show her care for her partner, given that she’s already quite physical

Please cuddle her after she just has so much love in her body for her partner and needs to express it

[J] Jack - off (masturbation hc)

Zelda usually has trouble getting off on her own, so this isn’t something she tries often, but her most successful effort involved a rather potent aphrodisiac and a dildo

With those + her fingers for clitoral stimulation? That’s probably the only time she successfully reached orgasm on her own

Which ties into her biggest kink/preference...

[K] Kink

Overstimulation.

Since she can’t often climax on her own, and if her partner is willing, she’ll go until she drops

Especially with the combo of g-spot and clitoral stimulation, she’d die and go to heaven

Prefers to be

Laid out beside her partner so she can kiss them with their hand between her thighs

Straddling their face and grabbing something, be it the headboard or some fixture on the wall

Or laying back on the bed, hands buried in her partner’s hair and her thighs hitched over their shoulder

Do not recommend a sixty-nine if you’re overstimulating her because she will get so into pushing her hips into your face she’ll kinda forget to reciprocate

[L] Location

Prefers to be somewhere private and comfortable, which usually means her home. Otherwise, she is content to have sex involving any surface in her house.

Except for the shop display case, please don’t make her polish that thing more than she has to she’ll be so salty afterwards

[M] Motivation (turn ons etc)

Intelligence (big brain sexy)

Seeing someone blush

A hand on the small of her back or on her knee

Idle fingers tracing patterns on her thighs, innocently or not so

Someone she’s already attracted to smelling absolutely delectable

Kisses on the inside of her wrist will really get her

So will kissing her freckles

[N] NO (turn offs, deal breakers, things they wont do ever etc)

Zelda’s only hard no is public sex, because she’s too noisy, but she’s willing to try almost anything at least once

She’s not into receiving pain (save for like, a smack on the ass/a bite/a hickey/etc) and not really into choking (also receiving) but just about anything else is fair game

[O] Orgasm Denial (how do they do it, do they like it done to them)

100% willing to give

Prefers oral as her tool of choice, but will alternate between mouth and hands to offer kisses as her partner settles down

Never cruel about it, always willing to relent if you use your safe word or ask her to let you cum

Really, really doesn’t like receiving

She doesn’t get to get off on her own and she’s not gonna deny herself guaranteed pleasure if she can help it

Will be a no unless she’s been with you long enough to know you won’t leave her high and dry

[P] Pace

Usually prefers softer and slower sex, mostly because she likes taking her time. However, if you’ve been teasing her all day? She will have you pinned to the door of your place or hers before it really has time to shut.

[Q] Quickie (where, how often, do they like them)

Likes them, but has to be in the mood for them

She doesn’t really like feeling rushed when trying to enjoy herself and make sure her partner is too

However, a promise of a more thorough round later usually is enough to placate her

[R] Risk (experiments, do they like pushing themselves/their s/o)

She’ll try anything once, but don’t spring it on her in the middle of the act. She’d rather sit down with her partner and talk about it, maybe do some research, give her time to understand the best way to go about it and what they need to do it properly. She’s not really spur of the moment.

However, positions? That she’ll try in a heartbeat. If Zelda could be described by one word, it would be curious.

[S] Stamina

Lots of stamina. Faster sex wears her out more, so her preferred slower pace is part of it, but she just generally has a lot of energy. Could go multiple rounds, and her partner’s recovery time just extends her stamina a bit more.

Really shouldn’t have this much stamina but part of it comes from a lot of time doing physical work in the shop/her garden so whoops

Cold showers have been a useful tool when she just can’t settle down

[T] Toys (do they own any, do they use them, how often, where)

She has a few different styles of dildos and vibrators that she’s tried to see if she could find something for her that works, but nothing really does, so they’re all shoved in a box under her bed.

Are aphrodisiacs applicable? Because she absolutely has and will experiment on her own with them, otherwise their involvement is up to her partner

[U] Unfair (how do they tease)

Really dependent on her partner and what she knows gets them going

Generally lots of subtle, under the table touches that could possibly be construed as a mishap

At least until she squeezes your thigh or skims her fingers far too high up for it to possibly be a mistake at all

[V] Volume (how loud, what do they sound like, what sounds they make)

Very pretty sounds. She won’t get vocal unless her partner explicitly tells her it’s okay, and until then she’ll bite her hand or her lip to keep quiet.

Not vulgar when she speaks during it - kinda polite, actually, paired with sighs of delight if you oblige any requests she makes (see below for examples if you desire)

“May I touch you here?”

“What are you doing? I can’t kiss you properly if - oh. Oh. No, please, keep going, I -” (cue some mild incoherent babble)

“Please, please, more”

“Yes, hah, right there - oh!”

[W] Wild Card (random NSFW hc)

She broke a headboard one time while riding someone’s face (grabbing onto it) and she’s never been able to look at one the same since

Sometimes in her post-overstimulated orgasm headspace she’ll thank her partner a couple times in this dreamy little voice and kiss the closest part of them she can reach without moving

If you’re overstimulating her, especially if you’ve been at it for a little bit, she’ll start to speak in her native dialect (Neviv/Nevivonic/whatever you hc Julian and Portia to speak. I believe it’s Russian sue me) \If you happen to speak it, she might just cum then and there

[X] X - ray (what do they have going on under their clothes)

Usually doesn’t end up with matching undergarments but if she does you know she wants to get laid

Lots of lacy underthings and thin bralettes because full bras are The Devil, typically bright colors for fun

If she’s feeling really saucy, she’ll go with a full bralette/panties/garter belt/stockings combo just to really show off for her partner once the outer layers come off

Usually she just ends up laying around her house in nothing but her panties and knee socks that match in no other way but height and texture

She has a near perfect heart shaped birthmark, right where her inner left thigh meets her pelvis. She likes it, but teasing her about it or kissing it will make her both melt and go cherry red.

Fun fact: if you leave a hickey anywhere near it, that’ll get her going like nobody’s business

[Y] Yearning (how often to they think of sex, how long can they go without it etc)

She can go without it for a while, but she’s got a high sex drive, so she doesn’t want to

Sex really only comes to Zelda’s mind when her partner does something that really gets to her (see Motivations)

Willing to Yearn if she’s not sure the sexual feelings are reciprocated

[Z] Zzz (how quickly do they fall asleep, do they snuggle, etc)

Very affectionate and very cuddly. Catch her with her forehead pressed to her partner’s, giggling a little as she rubs her nose against theirs, smiling into kisses and burying her face in their hair as she lets her hands wander idly.

However, unless you’ve totally worn her out, don’t expect her to fall asleep right away.

One time she cleaned the whole shop after masturbating at like four AM and she’s never gotten it that clean again

#zelda hollyheart #lemon juice

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greenwaterskeeter · 5 years ago

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College Advice

My brother was like, hey if you have any tips… So i wrote this! And then thought, there’s lots of people on tumblr just now going to college too…

Theres nothing in here about covid or making sure you have enough money– because i dont know anything about being a student during covid and i wouldnt give the same advice for getting money to everyone (and i wouldnt always know how anyway). I assume in the advice that the reader has enough money, because my brother does. That makes a big difference! Someone struggling for money wont have the bandwidth or time, probably, to do a lot of the stuff i advise. Edit: ugh i forgot, this is about US schools, specifically liberal arts US schools. Sorry about that!

Also, I didnt feel right taking the affection out of it once i decided to share it publicly. Help yourself! I may not have as direct an interest in your life, but there’s nothing in there i wouldnt wish for anyone going to college right now. (there’s also quite a bit that I think applies to anyone regardless of whether they do college or not).

Hi ******!

College Advice:

Work: No matter how important your work is or how much you have, take at least one day off a week. No schoolwork or working for money or any kind of work at all that day! (if it works better for you to take a half-day here and there instead of the whole day, that will do). More than one day is preferable, but there may come times when you have So Much To DO that sacrificing your free time doesn’t seem so bad and even one day off feels like too much.

I’m sure you’ve had plenty of this already, but people will keep telling you (by things they say and don’t say) that what you accomplish is the most important thing. It is not. What is most important is up to you– but I think it’s being your own authentic self. That’s complicated of course, but it boils down to: you already have everything you need in yourself, and keeping in touch with what you really truly want and love comes before everything.

If you flunk out of school and all your nightmares come true and you still remember who you are, I will consider you to have succeeded. (but if you do forget– and so many things conspire to make you forget!– I will still be proud of you).

GPA: It’s not the same as it was in high school! I won’t get into specific numbers because different schools have different ways of calculating it, and different rates of gpa inflation etc. It’s mostly bullshit. Unfortunately, if you want to go to graduate school, it is bullshit you have to pay attention to, but even then it’s not as all-important as it was in high school. You don’t need a 4.0, not even to become a doctor or a lawyer. A 3.5 or 3.6 is plenty for the highest ambitions, especially given that you’ll be doing extracurriculars.

I would advise keeping half an eye on the numbers, and not straining yourself for even one additional 0.1 above your target, whatever you decide that is. If you decide not to do graduate school, you honestly could get any GPA as long as you don’t end up on academic probation (which i think goes on your permanent record? Or maybe not. I was on academic probation my last semester of senior year and i’m still not clear on whether it’s on the transcript somehow). After college, people only care that you have your bachelor’s, not what your grades were while you got it. They mostly won’t even care what the bachelor’s is in! It’s very strange, after all the work you’ve put in! (many of them only care that you had the money to go to school, very disappointing)

Extracurriculars: I did a lot of different ones, and still don’t feel entirely qualified to advise about them, because I hated most of them. My mistake was doing things I thought I should do instead of what I wanted to do. I think you should do what you want, even if there’s no existing group for the thing you want to do, for a few reasons. 1. You should enjoy yourself! Having fun is a very serious matter! Keeping the joy of living alive in your heart will make living feel worthwhile, of course, but it will also give you courage and the power to stick by your principles and keep pursuing your goals. 2. It doesn’t actually matter to graduate schools WHAT you did for extracurriculars; what they’re looking for is evidence for what kind of person you are, and they judge that that’s shown through HOW you do your extracurriculars (with commitment and integrity etc) rather than which ones you do. (even so, don’t let the “commitment” part keep you stuck in a soul-sucking activity!)

Choices: You’ll be told you’re supposed to choose your major on a certain timeline, do this and that and everything to very specific deadlines, all very proper. Of course, the more deadlines you meet, the easier things are. But on the other hand– human beings are not machines. You’re allowed to change your mind! Even after you were supposed to be sure! It’s much better to listen to your own misgivings and really look at them to figure out what you want as soon as you know they’re there rather than pushing them down in a panic because you’re not supposed to have them. If they’re ignored, they won’t go away, and they’ll eat at you, and one day they’ll ruin things. (this may be what midlife crises are made of).

Friends: I know you have an established way of having friends, very different from mine, and that’s a good thing! I also know a lot of people take going to college as an opportunity to finally allow themselves certain things. There’s all kinds of takes on this, from putting on a poorly-done accent to binge drinking to coming out. It’s much better to stretch your legs this way than otherwise, I think. We need all the autonomy we can get!

My advice here is: trust yourself. Listen to even your very quiet instincts. They’re there for a reason. You may elect to ignore them, but consider them first, and reject them afterwards if you must. The extreme end of this is Having A Bad Feeling. Listening to that has saved me from some sticky situations! A more mild form is the weird feeling of dissonance between you and an old friend. There are many reasons you may feel that, but unfortunately, in college, one of the most common reasons is that you’re becoming different people who aren’t so suited to being friends as your high school selves were. It’s painful! At the same time, it’s okay to love someone and not be together forever– but I suspect you already know that!

The one thing I would absolutely forbid is isolating yourself. It may seem impossible from where you are now, but that’s what I thought at the beginning too. College is a weird place, not exactly school and not exactly work and not exactly home, and it’s too easy to slip into anonymity. Tell your friends how you feel, good or bad! If you feel like you’re imposing on them, impose!! If they love you, they will prefer inconvenience over learning later that you were in pain and said nothing.

How to Learn: It’s true what they say, that teaching is the best way to learn. Your peers may not always welcome this– I was rather disliked in study groups for always explaining the answer, before I reined it in a bit (things were still awkward unfortunately! possibly for other reasons lol). Of course, other people’s jealousy isn’t your responsibility, and you may sow discord with your brilliance with my full blessing. If you’d rather not do that, my advice would be to become a tutor and/or TA in the subject(s) most important to you at your earliest convenience/whenever they allow you to. It really does make you an expert!

Humanities: They’re going to make you read a lot. Excessively, some might say! You’ll learn which readings are actually necessary to pore over, which ones you may skim, and which ones you may skip altogether. Please don’t feel guilty for not always doing all the reading! Almost no one does all of them. I didn’t even do all of them, and I was a stickler for Doing It Right.

Papers: my tricks are the Purdue OWL website (for brushing up on grammar, looking up how to do those goddamn finicky citation styles, seeing examples of finished papers in those styles), outlining, and rest time. Leaving time between drafts of a paper helps a lot! (that being said, I will be very surprised if you make it all the way through college without turning in at least a few first drafts. It’s not the end of the world, and if you’ve got a knack for it, the professors may not even know the difference! Very amusing). Reading through what you’ve written out loud also helps, however silly it may feel. It has to do with how your brain processes information, and hearing what you’ve written is different enough from seeing it that you’ll be more sensitive to errors and weirdnesses.

STEM subjects: For these ones, it’s more important to do all the homework, because they may only give you one problem per concept. Be very literal about how you interpret things, that’s how folks in STEM usually expect you to think. Office hours are gold, if you can get them (and if the professor isn’t an ass). TAs are hit or miss. Readings are usually super important, relatively short, and can be read multiple times for more benefit.

General knowledge: Don’t forget to think critically! You’d think that’s all you’ll be doing, but in fact most professors only want you to regurgitate their own thoughts back to them. Very disappointing. However, that doesn’t have to stop you! You can always think: “Who benefits from this? What voices aren’t I hearing from in this story?” (even in STEM there are stories). “Why is this important?” In general, don’t stop asking questions! This is where I think true intelligence lies.

I’m sure you don’t need ALL of this advice– please don’t think I don’t think you know what you’re doing! I’m being a little over-cautious not because I don’t trust you but because if there’s any chance of my mistakes and accidental successes helping you do better than otherwise, I want to give all of them that opportunity. Kind of a shotgun approach!

All my love,

Autumn!

#by auti #college advice #adulting #i guess? yeah i think this is that #and i'm mostly teasing abt wanting my brother to make ppl jealous #the joke is that he would NEVER #but i realize now it doesnt translate well to a general audience lol

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gyromitra-esculenta · 5 years ago

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Even If the Waters Rise 1/3

Talked myself into Mermay. But it’s Shadowrun based mermay with (something that resembles) plot. Mermaids are now metahuman, and, boy, do I have the issues with Sea Dragon’s design. It got 6k words on the first chapter.

Also, warnings for the whole planned thing: blood, gore, and violence; cannibalism (human on metahuman); questionable jokes and questionable totem choices; ambiguous relationships; referenced limb loss/cybernetics/etc; mating cycles.

(...)

Later, the deep throbbing bites on his back, shoulders, and neck almost manage to take his mind off the itching under the sleeves, the kind anything but scratching the skin off whole does nothing for. The bites, they should bother him more but feel only right, as does the thumb following the line of his spine, up and down each bump, ceaseless, building the pressure up and then letting go. Jack has to wonder as he drifts off if it's one of those times Gabriel will stay until he wakes.

He does. Looking with the usual neutral expression when Jack gulps for the air, the lingering vague memory of drowning but not sinking while something gorges itself on his flesh with little bites tearing him apart fading slowly.

(...)

Coming off the sedation after being cut was always a mixed bag. This time, though, the bustle of the street outside filters in slowly, rising like a wave over the ocean of static and breaking when the stims start doing their job.

The first breath is always the hardest, some kink in the lungs that kicks them into filtration mode each time the loss of consciousness occurs and demands focus from Jack to consciously switch back into the atmospheric intake.

"With us again?"

"You tell me, you're in my brain."

"Being obstinate will net you no points," Sombra mentally scoffs. "The pain?"

"No worse than usual."

"Arms up. Good, neural's working with no lag. And thank you very much for that kick, the legs are doing fine too."

"All?" Jack looks over the utilitarian metal surfaces of his limbs, the make and the model different from anything else he has seen on the market.

"Now, yeah," Sombra winces, pulling the plug out. She doesn’t need it but had told him once there were times she felt safer working with one. "For final calibrations, I need more data, so let's slap synthskin on those."

"What are they, anyway?"

"Scrubbed milspec, last year's model, or so I'd been told."

Sombra directs the assistant. Each applied sheet of layered synthskin gives Jack a lurch of unpleasant sensations before settling into annoyance, tension, and oversensitivity. A dance he's familiar with - a day or two before the brain puts a dampener on the sensory input when it integrates properly.

"I know why you're doing this for free, but why is he spending so much on this?"

Sombra flinches.

"The last batch you got rid of was worth more than those."

"It won't stop the demand, only the price of the meat went up."

"And the ability to process it for consumption went down. You know what's my take on it," she signs something on her pad. "Anyway, have fun tonight. I'll get in touch with you tomorrow to finish the calibrations."

"Not seeing much of a difference now," Jack pulls on his clothes, mindful of the temporary sleeves making sure the skin stays in place. "Tell me I won’t control and crush anyone."

"Implemented mental blocks. No limiters, so they can over-perform and get bricked, too."

"Taking bets on when I brick them?"

"Honestly!" Sombra throws the pad at him and Jack deflects it into the wall - looking back to her with a sheepish grin as it falls to the ground. "Too slow. Also, I don't want to see you in the professional capacity for at least half a year, but I'm giving you a month."

"Not very generous, and you're making me think you don't like it in my head."

"I don't, it's a jumble there since..." She stops herself, glaring daggers at the assistant who, granted with the rare ability to read the room, makes himself scarce - finding something urgent to do in the back.

"Since the glorified accident at work I don't even remember, seriously, five years, it's enough to stop treating me like I'm going to break about it." Jack pulls up the hood. Sombra's thinking about something, her brows drawn together in a worried frown.

"Aren't you curious?"

"Not really. Nightmares are a clue enough that something took out a lot of bites, and really, can't blame them, can I?"

"That's enough." She sends him a slightly nauseated look. "Scram now, have fun."

"Do you think he will tell me where he got milspec from?"

"He didn't tell me, so he's not going to tell you."

"But you've got an inkling how he got it."

"Maybe." She waves him off and Jack rolls his eyes, shrugging. Needling her for information has never worked before, anyway, and probably never will.

"See you when I wreck those."

"Fuck off!"

In less than an hour, there will be no trace left of her inside - and of Jack himself - the room is already being stripped down as he makes his way out of the basement up the concrete stairs with walls covered with dangerous amounts of mildew. Pushing past a corner stall encroaching on the doorway, he picks up a wrapped piece of barely seared meat waiting for him and waves his bracelet at the chit reader.

The air is wet and salty, like waves on the harbor, not even the smells of the market drown it out. The corners of his lips curl up at the thought tomorrow, or the day after, he'll be back out there, out on the sea, taking a dive into its depths, water everywhere, below and above, invisible current carrying him on its whims. Jack hails down the cab, the smile still on his face.

It remains there even twenty minutes later as he gets off by the hotel, both far too expensive and far too cheap at the same time. Too expensive for his own tastes, too cheap for Gabe to rent a room in it. Alas, here they are - and he sends a quick text.

'I'm coming up.'

Almost to the top, feeling vaguely claustrophobic in the humming elevator thankfully bereft of the usual muzak (apparently some taste did come with the money, but not enough for the interior to keep consistent style), he gets the customary message back. 'Open.'

Jack lets out the breath he's been inadvertently holding in when the doors open and he's left in the corridor, looking for the right entrance. A suite, of course, worth a chuckle as he walks inside, the only source of light the city's glow coming in through the windows.

And Gabriel, of course - again - standing with his back to the window, the only discernible features of his in the dim the almost glowing red irises and the white markings creating a vague outline of some animal face. Dramatic asshole, as usual.

"Show me."

The tone of authority and ownership demanding obedience - the order itself - coming from anyone else but the man who one way or another did own everything that made him, would have Jack snarling and pouncing whoever dared to speak to him like that. Hearing it from Gabe, though...

"Not even 'hi, how are you' or 'greetings, mortal'?"

Jack rolls his eyes, stripping down completely out of his clothes, leaving them lying on the plush carpet as Gabriel comes closer. Always smelling faintly of the deep ocean, or rather, of how Jack would imagine it to smell if it did.

Fingers dig around the edges of the sleeves on his shoulders, feeling the joints underneath, moving down to repeat the same around his hips. Synthskin sends confusing signals, not quite the pain yet, and a pinch of irritation.

"Looks fine."

"Will you tell me how you got your hands on last generation's milspec?" Gabriel ignores the question - no acknowledgment of it being asked even - as he's wont to do. Instead, he picks up a pillbox from the dresser. "I still got them."

"I know. You're dosing too low."

"Orgasm in a pill seems a bit too convenient." Jack massages the joint of his shoulder, moving to the bedroom. The carpet, probably soft on any other occasion, scratches his soles. "And a bit awkward."

"A fortunate coincidence of it interacting with your physiology."

"Yeah, coincidence. You're sure it's not another leash to keep me on?"

"If it were, you wouldn't be able to skip a dose. I'd make sure of it."

"I'm pulling your leg. I rather suspect you wouldn't do that, or would you?" Jack climbs the bed and props himself on the pillows - eyes focused on the single pill held between Gabriel's fingers, tracking it as he puts it in his mouth advancing - crawling over the covers, and Jack himself, with the grace of a predator playfully stalking a prey he knows cannot flee, the kill only a formality decided beforehand.

Drowning, always drowning in those eyes, black sclera and red irises blurring together into one, always looking too deep into him until he feels they don’t see him at all, his tongue brushing against sharp pointed teeth in an open-mouthed kiss, electricity traveling back and forth the nerves of phantom limbs with the speed of light coming to stop in a single burst leaving him breathless and shaking under Gabriel.

"Dutiful boy. You deserve a prize."

Jack chuckles at the first trace of any emotion in Gabriel's voice. The possessiveness is never truly gone, it's as much an integral part of him as are his looks, but there's a note of fondness giving Jack the incontestable impulse to almost preen: lower his lashes and incline back his head, hand sliding along dark red lines on Gabriel's arm.

"She's going to touch up off this."

"Are you worried about your privacy?"

"I'm used to having none with her. That was," he inhales sharply, feeling the bite on his collarbone, "for your benefit. I can see now you don't mind."

"I do not."

Jack merely snorts, rolling over and promising himself again to figure out Gabriel's trick with the clothes, there one moment and gone in the next, probably magic, but if he ever had any spark himself it was long lost with all the work done on him since the accident. Blunt as a troll's fist, this one.

Not that he has the ability to dwell on it while getting drilled into the mattress.

Later, the deep throbbing bites on his back, shoulders, and neck almost manage to take his mind off the itching under the sleeves, the kind anything but scratching the skin off whole does nothing for. The bites, they should bother him more but feel only right, as does the thumb following the line of his spine, up and down each bump, ceaseless, building the pressure and then letting go. Jack has to wonder as he drifts off if it's one of those times Gabriel will stay until he wakes.

"Lungs are still giving you problems."

Bathed in the sunlight, Gabriel looks as striking as in the darkness - minutely less dangerous now, however surface and not representative of his true nature the impression is. Regal. Focused on the multitude of holoscreens floating in the air before him.

"No. Not really."

"You were choking."

"Only a bit." Jack stretches, still feeling relatively boneless and exhausted, sticky with perspiration, too tired yet to consider the shower to be a genuine need right now. He slips off the bed only to retrieve the wrapped meat from the pile of discarded clothes in the other room and climbs right back into it.

"It's almost raw," Gabriel mentions when Jack's well into a third of his snack.

"Yeah. I'm finding it's not that bad at all, all things considered. Are you going to comment on my obviously poor dietary choices?"

"No. I'm rather curious about why would you consume it raw." A note of amusement, rare as it is, floats in Gabriel's voice. Jack shrugs.

"Started as a fucked up way to get closer and understand them better, and it grew on me. Not like I'm doing it a lot, wanted to treat myself tonight. Want some?"

To his astonishment, it does take Gabriel's attention away from the screens, as if he's considering the offer seriously - not that Jack would mind - and he leans in, hand trailing on Jack's shoulder for a moment and coming away with blood on the fingertips. Which he licks off.

One of the bites must’ve opened.

"No."

"Shit," Jack chuckles, pulling knees closer to his chest, resting his arms on them, just looking. "Could you just tell me what you are?"

"No. Probably never will."

"Suit yourself then, Knife-ears."

Soon afterward, Gabriel disappears in the bathroom and emerges back fully clothed, the suit so plain and unassuming it has to be worth its weight in diamonds, at least - and leaves without a word. Nothing about it bothers Jack, really, that's the only way he has ever known him to be: someone who's either rich or influential enough to never have had to conform to any social standards so they're like an alien concept to him. If anything, it tickles Jack's ego, the fact Gabriel spends both money and time on him regardless of his inscrutable reasons for it. And even if the time is scarce, the money comes in sums so high Jack’s not going to bother trying to figure the specific amounts out.

With a sigh, Jack plugs into his own pad, trying to ignore momentary vertigo any kind of connection, even the shallow one, gives him - waiting for Sombra to get to him. If she wanted anything from him, she always found him the second he jacked in.

The mental equivalent of a giggle has him rolling his eyes.

"You can say it."

"Boy, did you get screwed silly."

"I feel like I got some of my brain matter fucked out, that one's a freebie."

"What the hell are you eating now? Feedback from your tastebuds is giving me shivers."

"You too?" He bites off another chunk.

"What are you eating?" Sombra repeats, the tone akin to the one used towards a pet that definitely got into trash or picked up something suspect on the way.

"Almost raw meat."

"Interesting," she says after a pause. "Anyway, I'm done."

Jack flexes the free hand, clenching and unclenching his fist a few times.

"Not seeing any difference."

"You shouldn't because I know how to do my job. Also uploaded keys to the blocks, the data on the job, and you've got incoming charter on the roof in five hours."

"So I do have time for a bath then," he hums, smiling.

"Knock yourself out, I'm leaving you alone, you get weird in water."

"Thanks, Som."

"No biggie." Her presence warms up before blinking out, leaving Jack to sort through everything she's left behind both in, and on the pad. Processing plant, the floor plans from several flybys, one drone shot down by a spirit, two points of entrance, Genji on the spot, Jesse and him coming from the water with a few hours to spare, full carnage.

Jack smirks, pulling out the plug. Just how he likes it. He moves to the bathroom, the alarm set for two hours.

The bathtub is nothing spectacular, at best a tight fit for more than two people - still a fancy one with an array of controls barely anyone bothers to use. He picks the temperature and plays a bit with oxygenation and flow. Jack lowers himself into the water slowly, the cold playing havoc on the still sensitive synthskin. The nonexistent heat regulation of milspec freezes his joints with pain. All par for the course as he exhales before submerging in full.

And then, he breathes the water in.

The surface breaks with the remnants of the air pushed from his lungs. It's a poor man's substitute for the real thing but the pressure and the dampened hum of the surroundings, however dissimilar to a swim in the ocean, bring his mind some respite.

Running down the pier barefooted with the warmth of the sun on his back - jumping - the whiplash of the impact - diving deep, to look back from below at the light glimmering on the waves, the rays reaching for him - the hands reaching for him from the depths and pulling down.

With the sound of the alarm, Jack jolts up to a sitting position, coughing out the water. Another bout gets rid of the rest of it from the lungs, and he changes the temperature. The bath heats almost immediately.

The dream changes, but the ending remains always the same.

Head leaning against the rim of the tub, before properly washing, he spends minutes motionless except for the occasional shiver until his core warms up. Remaining two hours Jack idles away eating a late breakfast and not really watching some show on the holo while sprawled in the bed still smelling of sex.

Moving to the pad grants him some suspicious looks he can't fault people for because he does stick out here in his clothes like a sore thumb - and then surprise as his bracelet lets him pass through the gate and into the waiting Osprey with rotors running hot. A waste to use the craft fitted for carrying almost forty personnel merely for him, but he's not the one paying. At least, there's room enough to stretch his legs and to think very hard on how much he's unafraid of flying, his stomach doing backflips as it takes off.

The fact the crash might have been involved had occurred to him long ago.

Fifteen minutes in, Jack gives up and reaches out to Sombra, for which she ridicules him mercilessly but keeps him company. Getting angry helps to take his mind off of how fucking terrified he is. Even if he could run fucking laps inside the cabin, the changing tilt reminds him he's in the air, and the moment Osprey touches down three hours later, Jack's out like there's a pack of devil rats on his heels, relieved to have solid ground back under his feet.

Jesse, holding his hat down against the draft waves at him. The coyote stitched on his serape seems to stretch and yawn with the fabric moving, probably does so in truth, but Jack can never tell.

"Lúcio's finishing on the sub, we're going to drink tonight, coming too?"

Jack looks to the harbor and shakes his head.

"Not this time. I'll check the gear and maybe go for the swim."

"Dude, no, not in this water, trust me. Too much industrial, and many critters out here. Best case, you'd break out in boils after a dip."

"Can't be that bad."

"Well, Lúcio says that a pyramid had been hit hard some months back, there's been some runoff and an uptick in critters. Really want to chance it with whatever's in the water now?"

"Guess not." Jack shrugs, walking away from the powered down craft towards the only building on the pier.

"So how's about that drink?" The coyote on the red cloth sits down and scratches its ear. If he were to associate Jesse with any other spirit than it, he would be hard-pressed to find anything fitting.

"Pass. Just don't get in trouble with the locals. Or old pals."

"Hey, don't bring up my stalker vampire ex, the next time I see 'er, I have a stake with her name on it." Jesse throws his hands into the air, pausing in the doorway, letting Jack pass him.

"You know it doesn't work on her."

"It will slow her down."

"If you manage to stake anything vital."

"Oh, I will, because this," Jesse points to himself with a wide smile, "is absolutely irresistible to her."

Jack laughs, eyeing the crates set up inside.

"Yeah, there's no accounting for taste."

"Dude, harsh. Anyway, that's yours."

"Everything's in here?"

"I wouldn't know, I try not to touch your shit," Jesse gives an exasperated sigh while digging in his pockets for a cigar, the coyote snapping at it as he puts it between his lips. "Well, see you in the morning, dude," he adds before turning around. Jack nods, moving his attention to the boxes and working his way through their contents.

The story behind the coyote Jesse tells is as outlandish as the man himself, and a question for the ages of how he wasn't rad-insane or sporting another head. Yet.

In the German wasteland (the only place on earth one could be a real cowboy anymore, Jesse insisted), drunk off two shit beers because his ex fed off him earlier, and high on some local shrooms, staring at the dying campfire, the coyote came to him and took him on the trip. Jack would gladly chalk it up to alcohol, hallucinogenics, radiation, and exsanguination, all working in synergy - if not for the hard fact the coyote itself was very real, and as helpful as it turned out to be an impediment, or a bother, the other half of the time.

Methodically, Jack picks out the gear - the rest going back to their crates - and then he double-checks the selection, looking for any identifiable problems and defects. When he's finished and satisfied, it's well into the wee morning hours. He drags a random deck chair to the end of the pier and lays down in it. The city, as small as it is comparable to the majority on the coast, doesn't sleep - there is no escaping the lights and the sounds - but in his chosen spot overlooking more water than the land he can doze off.

If either Jesse or Lúcio notices him gasping for breath as they finish loading the sub, they don't mention it.

"I'm not hauling your shit," Jesse gestures to the container Jack left outside, by his chair.

"Hi, man," Lúcio smiles. "Also, I dig your new set, what's the specs?"

"You'd have to ask Sombra for technicalities, I'm only using them." Jack stretches, there's a kink below his left shoulder blade he tries to work out by rolling it. Almost manages to, too.

"Cool, will do. By the way, he tried to throw hands only once."

"Dude. Squeal much?"

"It's called being the responsible one," Lúcio shrugs and Jesse groans in response, muttering something sounding suspiciously like 'don't need a chaperone'.

"Sub's all ready?"

"She's right up purring now, the lady she is." Lúcio's eyes light up. "Nothing left to squeeze out."

"I'll hold you up to it." Jack gets up and drags the container to the sub, the box grating on the concrete, and brings it into the cabin, pushing it behind the seats.

"Oh, man, do that, love to see the data after you push her."

"Will do on the way back. Jesse, inside."

"That wasn't me sleeping when me and Lúcio were breaking our backs," Jesse snarks sliding into the pilot's seat, knowing well Jack's impatience and what they will use the spare time for. He doesn't mind, usually.

"Good hunting, guys." Lúcio mock-salutes as the hatch seals.

Before they're out of the harbor and submerged completely, Jack's out of his clothes, save for the boxers. Despite the sub being state-of-the art, with two people in it gets hot inside in less than an hour.

He starts on the sleeves, peeling them off slowly.

The synthskin underneath is still oversensitive, but no longer tries to overload his brain with conflicting or extreme stimuli. It just feels like blanched with boiling water and any negligible otherwise touch almost painfully tickles.

"Kinda creepy, like a snake's molt."

"Note to self, I look better with my skin falling off my frame."

"Hey, I'm just stating the bare facts. Fuck, ew!" Jesse leans away to evade the sleeve Jack waves in his direction. "Dude. No. That's uncalled for. I'm driving, I could crash us."

"Into what?"

"I'd find something!" It's either a threat, a promise, or a commentary on the nature of Karma.

"Out of the two of us, I'm the one who can breathe underwater, so..." Jack lets his voice hang as he reaches for the pillbox he left on the shelf earlier. It's a short debate if he should take one because even if he could take them as he felt like otherwise, risking going into implant rejection on the job was far from reasonable. As soon as the aftershocks fade, Jack leans back into the seat, lazily watching the water on the screen.

"And that's also creepy as fuck," Jesse comments, sounding a bit more somber. "You look like you just got your dick sucked off, every time."

"Honestly? Feels like it, every time."

"And you know what makes it even fucking creepier?"

"You're going to tell me and I can't stop it."

"Because this shit looks goddamn miraculous and I may have helped myself to some," Jesse begins, waving one arm in the air and Jack mutters that of course Jesse fucking did, "and they fucking don't work. And you know what's in them?"

"Not that interested as long as they work."

"It's people, dude."

Jack sends him a blase look.

"And you ate it."

"Yeah, but I didn't go looking like I creamed my pants after that."

"It's for implant rejection, so it only makes sense it has reconfigured genetic material in it. Also, do not eat my drugs, it's people."

Jesse grimaces.

"Dude, you made it sound weird."

"I made you getting into my stash of pharmaceutical drugs you personally can't get high off sound weird?"

"Dude, it's even weirder now. How do you do it?"

"What?" Jack chuckles. "You mean, use my brain, sometimes?"

Jesse mutters some expletive under his breath and Jack closes his eyes leaving it without comment as the whole chat makes him revisit more or less cloudy memories of the first months he's spent either half-conscious because of pain, or half-conscious because of drugs and pain.

At least, until the pill, and the moment when the pain finally went below the...

"Amida Bongo Christ Almighty!" Jack turns immediately at the sound of the genuine panic in the voice to see Jesse try to become one with his seat, pushing back with his feet against the floor, pointing at the screen where a shadow in the water comes into focus, massive, gliding with deliberation. "Of all the fucking things to run into, the Sea-Fucking-Dragon... we're all gonna die."

Jack kills the engine in his stead and swipes at the screen, focusing the image. He can't deny his own heart is hammering in his chest when he lets out the sigh of slight relief while trying to ignore Jesse's doom-saying.

"It's not her."

"What?"

"It's not her. Doesn't look like her, and it's much bigger."

"That's supposed to help us exactly how!?"

"Take her five hundred to the left," Jack, already climbing over the back of his seat and almost falling in a hapless heap on the container in the process, barks at him. "I'm going out."

"Are you fucking serious, dude? Of-fucking-course, you are!"

"Chance like this isn't going to repeat itself!"

"A chance to get fucking eaten by a dragon?"

"That too!" Jack locks the airlock behind himself and fits the propulsion module as it fills with water. There's no time to wait for the slow pressurization. When there's no air left inside, he forces the emergency release, pulling himself to the outside, and pushes away from the body of the sub.

"Dude." Jesse, switched to the comms, sounds appalled compared to the earlier panic, which is considerably better for the situation. "Did you just lewd a dragon?"

"Maybe possibly." Jack smiles, cutting across at an angle. "Remember, five hundred, match speed, if I do get eaten, go silent and wait, rendezvous with Genji, do the site rep, and then decide what you do."

"You're literally the last person who should give orders."

"Next to last. You're even less qualified."

"True what they say, the truth hurts."

The dragon is massive, its form much more suited to the open ocean than what footage of Sea Dragon there is shows of her. He's yet too far to discern if it has limbs or only the fins. It moves with a misleading slow grace, the powerful twists of the wide tail propelling it forward. Getting caught in the vortex of the currents pushed with each beat could be - is - deathly dangerous.

Smaller shapes swim with it, congregating around the middle part of its body.

At first, Jack takes them for merrows, they're known to attach themselves to big predators and form codependent relationships, but it's the perspective lying to him. They're bigger, more agile, gleam occasionally with reflective scales. A brood of young, maybe? If yes, the endeavor is even more foolish than in the beginning, but even that won’t deter him from undertaking it.

Two of the smaller creatures break away from the formation as he gets closer and approach, their tails swishing wildly in the water. Mermaids. Mermaids traveling in a pack with a dragon. Not something he had expected.

They're coming both from the above and the below, a male and an older female, judging by the scars and veils, still colorful but ripped and missing pieces. It's hard to keep up with their rapid movements. Jack curls his hands and legs to his body as they circle him.

"Please, don't bite," he tells them. "There's almost no meat and you will probably break your teeth on me."

The mermaids observe him warily. The female chirps once and turns back, the male following in her tow. She's green and yellow, the pattern reminiscent of the stripes on a perch or other fish known to thrive in greenery. When no light catches on her scales she blends with the deep green agate hue of the water, but Jack wonders if she's maybe better suited to sargassum forests. Her partner, on the other hand, with his solid canary yellow, stands out like a sore thumb - at least until both of them gain distance and rejoin the group amid some agitation from the closest mermaids, the reactions playing out like a change of direction in a school of fish.

It's his first close encounter with live mermaids since the accident, and he has been judged as neither a threat nor a meal. In this moment, Jack feels some of the rush bleed away, allowing him to slip into simple sensations, focus on them, and appreciate them: the steady pressure of water against every inch of his skin, the additional tension in his scalp when his hair, however short, drag with each movement, the cold seeping into him from the inside, the weightlessness - even if he knows his limbs would pull him much further down.

The ocean is far from silent - never silent - full of sounds he can hear with his ears, and the ones he cannot - he hears with his whole body - the symphony of the dulled hum of static and single notes played on different instruments, not unlike the sounds of traffic in its structure.

His eyes drift back to the dragon.

It's foolish. It's not borderline suicidal, it's just plain old suicidal. And he won't let a moment like this slip like air between his fingers.

Hand on the controls of the drive, Jack resumes the approach.

The dragon looms closer, its body at least thirty meters long from the tip to the tail, probably more. He can now see its limbs tucked close to the underbelly - the fins reminiscent of underdeveloped wings.

He swims parallel to its head, advancing.

Bone-like white crest covers its front. The black scales, even if they seem to have an inner shine to them, appear to consume the light voraciously. The dark red lines streaking along the sides twist and mold with each move of the powerful muscles hidden underneath.

Jack's heart does not fit into his chest, so hard it hammers against his ribs from the inside - with fear, with excitement, with awe - and that's before the low rumble resonates within him as the dragon opens its eyes, one after another, five of them on the side he's facing - each an abyss of darkness ringed with glowing red slowly focusing on him: an insignificant speck in comparison.

"God. You're beautiful."

No. It was a worthless descriptor when applied to the apex predator wrought with raw power both physical and not.

Sublime.

The dragon disregards him - its eyes swivel to look forward - he cannot fathom expecting to keep such creature's interest for longer than this. But it's also an invitation, he's considered to be harmless, hence nothing to bother with, and Jack slows slightly while swimming up. Above its bulk, he notices some mermaids just clinging to the body, clawed fingers curled around the edges of the scales. Stupid, again, but he is going to try the same: hitch a ride on a dragon.

The thought is intoxicating, sends his mind reeling with unsuppressed glee.

He dives forward, his fingertips brush the hard surface - with caution he digs his fingers underneath the scale - the other palm he lays flat against it as the propulsion module switches off.

Jack pulls himself closer against the current, that rush of underwater wind. Never has he wished for his limbs back more than now, to touch and feel with his real skin, not even when the bones that aren't his anymore burn with that deep ache that sends all the thoughts skittering away with no control. Instead, he pulls flush against its body, forehead pressed into the scales, each contraction of the muscle below them felt intimately.

At the moment, he doesn't count time, not until another rumble, one he feels against his skin, makes him realize almost two hours have passed.

He looks back to see the mermaids otherwise swimming try to grab onto scales as it continues. In the front, what he took for vestigial wings - the fins - slowly unfold to reveal skeletal-like frame filled in with dark ethereal filigree straining on the currents.

It's a profound kind of sadness Jack feels loosening his grip. Drifting - falling - sinking - away.

The wings spread and angle. The dragon's back winds up like a spring.

Then it soars underwater, deep in the ocean, each beat of the wings carrying it further away into darkness.

The rush of water pushed by the dragon sends him spinning. Jack instinctively curls his limbs to his core to wait it out, losing all sense of direction in resulting vertigo. When it stops, it takes him a while to orient himself, the leviathan nowhere to be seen anymore.

"Jesse, it's safe to approach. Can you get to my signal because I'm fucking lost?"

"I see you," the response comes with a delay. "Coming from your general six. Dude, do you know how much is the footage worth?"

"It's worthless." Jack turns around with a few kicks.

"All would kill..."

"You can't put a price on it, it will put a price on your life." He can see the incoming lights blinking for his benefit as they draw near. "And you want to put out there a proof of a dragon that had remained away from the public knowledge until now?"

"Fair, even I'm not that stupid. I think. With the way you put it."

Jack swims towards the sub and grabs one of the railings, pulling himself towards the airlock. Minutes later, he climbs into his seat, dripping water everywhere.

"Got what you wanted outta that one? Besides getting eaten?"

"I think I've found god," Jack smiles, genuinely. It's a memory he's going to treasure, one unlikely to be eclipsed by any other in the foreseeable future.

"You going to be one of them dragon-worshipping freaks? I've heard things, and none good, I say."

"Not like that."

"So," Jesse turns his head to look at him. "You want to dick down a dragon."

"When you get down to it," Jack starts carefully, eyeing Jesse with a certain degree of suspicion, "yeah, basically."

"Heard about that one club you can meet one, violet eyes and..."

"I don't want to dick down a dragon, I want to dick down this one."

"Okay. It's important to have goals in one's life. I'm not judging."

It's at this point that something about a much earlier conversation occurs to Jack and he stills before covering his eyes with his palm.

"Jesse?"

"Mhm?"

"When you said you have a stake with her name on it... Did you mean your dick?"

Jesse raises his eyebrows, makes finger-guns with his hands, and goes for a pithy imitation of 'badum-tss' sound.

"You fucking moron." And Jack can only laugh.

#sometimes I write #reaper76 #r76 #mermay

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oikiwitooru · 6 years ago

Text

➳ 𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 - tanjirō x reader

"Tanjirō, Aoi has told me to give you your clothes. I'll just left them here." the girl points out to the said boy, before putting the clothes down alongside his other two companions. The trio was taking a bath in the Butterfly estate after their successful mission. The girl however, being a demon slayer herself isn't allowed to partake in any missions yet since she was currently injured from her last one. As disappointing as that is,

"Ah- thank you (y/n)!" the voice of the cheery male rang inside the huge bathroom hidden behind the paper walls separating her from them.

She had met them in the Natagumo mountain where she was also given the same tasks as other disappearing demon slayers had. She can't deny the fact that she was terrified, many of her co-slayers, even friends didn't return after their quest. She was slightly anxious she won't also return back.

But apparently, she had a strong will and determination which a trait everyone admires from her, she isn't that strong, nor too weak either. as a Tsuchinoto she was belittled by her relatives. Apparently her family has been appointing slayers upon slayers for generations now, and all of them achieved the Kinoto even the Kinoe rank after 2-3 years of being a member.

The girl however was a part of the organization for almost 3 years now, but she had never not even once promoted from her Tsuchinoto rank. Now that she's 15 years old the thought was really suffocating her, to the point of hating herself for not being good enough.

But the certain red hair boy had managed to see right through that and comforted her in a way she wouldn't expect someone who just met her, would.

"It's not how strong, how powerful you are. But how much you could contribute to assure the success of something."

it was refreshing to hear those words come from someone else's mouth rather than the usual words that pierce her like sharp knives.

seeing his genuine smile, his caring nature, his kindness in general just gives her this ray of hope, this blissful feeling she'll never know she needed.

She couldn't even believe that someone like him actually exist in this cruel world. his overall existence seems like a dream inside the dream itself. It hurts her how kind this boy can get despite all the hardships and pain he's been through at such young age. She couldn't bear to even think about how much he had endure at this point. The thought simply pains her.

She prepared to walk out of the room when she caught the familiar pair of hanafuda make-shift earrings resting against a clean towel. The glassy exterior of the cards wont go unnoticed against the warm light of the room. Inspecting even closer, they look pretty worn out, like it was passed down per generations. The thought intrigues her. It must be really important for the burgundy-haired male.

She was walking down the open hall, ready to take a good nap after her much needed bath, when she came across Tanjirō who just happens to finish his bath and is currently drying his hair using a spare towel in hand. He's clad in white robes and his hair which was usually slicked back was down, gently tickling his eyebrows and barely covering his iconic scar.

"Ah, (y/n)... You're still awake?" he asks walking even closer to acknowledge her before giving her a polite smile.

She managed a small nod in return, too distracted at the way how the male looks different with a different hair style to the point that it made her cheeks heat up in a flustered manner.

"The night's colder than usual. Glad there's a hot spring nearby." Tanjirou opened up, chuckling as he slowly roll up the used towel in his hands, his eyes looking up towards the sky dusted with ivory stars, providing a serene atmosphere.

He inhaled before turning his head to gaze back at her.

"I'm actually looking forward to work with you on missions though.." he admitted, a smile never leaving his face.

her heart warmed up at the thought that Tanjirō felt the same way, she couldn't even be more grateful. "I was thinking about that too actually." She admitted back in return, fidgeting with her hands in sudden nervousness.

The male hummed in response, inhaling the cold evening air before letting out a tinkling of laughter that made her confused.

"Why?"

He shook his head slightly, before turning to look back at her again,

"it's just that... your smell.."

at this, her whole face went red with embarrassment. "Wh-what do you mean by that?" She knows about Tanjirō's keen sense of smell, both in a sense that it made her somehow weary of the boy. She almost felt the need to smell herself in case she somehow smelt bad even though she just finished taking a warm bath.

However the burgundy-haired male only laugh heartily at this, finding her reaction amusing.

"d-do I smell bad?" she felt the need to ask.

"N-No, that's now what I meant." he reasoned out in between his gentle chuckling which droves the poor girl even more flustered than ever.

After a while he finally calmed down, releasing a small sigh before finally turning back to look back at her, his eyes held genuine sincerity which (y/n) always finds compelling.

"it's just that... now that you just took a bath-your smell still lingers in the air. It won't go unnoticed." he points out,

"was it a bad thing?"

he laughed, "no, no. it isn't. This isn't any new actually, I've always encountered this numerous times before..." he explained, sighing gently before rubbing a palm against his nape.

"But, I was impressed that among all the other scent here, yours stood out the most... Don't get me wrong," he smiled "It's a comforting scent, it reminds me of so many things, like the first bloom of flowers on spring field, lavenders. Even the warmth of morning sunshine... It's a very distinct scent... almost like home..I like it." his eyes held a distant gleam in them as he spoke ever so casually.

If it's possible to grew even more redder, she'll probably be as red as a ripe tomato.

"..r-really..?"

"hmm."

"Ah! by the way..."

Amidst her flustered mess, the male however, was still oblivious about it. He took something from the small bag he was holding, as he fished it out, it was his pair of earrings.

He turn to her with a big smile, "turns out I have to put them on again before I go to sleep..."

"Can you help me?"

without any hesitation, she immediately obliged.

The male gave both the pair before scooting even closer, instantly making her poor heart thump uncontrollably from her chest.

The closeness isn't helping, she felt like she'll faint.

Why did this boy even had this kind of effect on her?

She gently use her thumb and index finger to lift up his earlobe slightly in order to insert the small stem, before finally securing it with the clasp that comes with it. It was pretty much easy, but her slightly shaking fingers isn't making things any better.

"The right one is finished." she claimed, before moving onto the opposite side to do the other ear.

The male however was uncharacteristically silent, she peered over slightly to take a look. And she noticed how his face scrunched up slightly to show uneasiness.

With this she instantly grew worried, "Did I hurt you?" she asks, panic was etched across her face at the thought of hurting the boy.

But the male immediately shook his head no, denying her thoughts. "n-no, it's not like that..." he reasoned, a slight chuckle leaving his lips.

"t-then.."

"Apparently, I never had anyone put these on me aside from the first time I bear this... I always put it my own after I took baths." he explained even further.

"But now that I experience it with someone else's help... I realized how ticklish I was when they put it on me back then...and I still does as of now." he admitted, an embarrassed hue etched itself across his cheeks, mirroring the girl's.

"well... do you want me to continue putting the other one? Or you'll do it instead?"

"No, it's okay. I didn't mean to offend you in any way. It's alright." he assured her, giving her a gentle smile in return.

She proceeds to done the same to his other ear, even though she can feel the male tensed up slightly from the slightest of her touch.

"It's finished."

Tanjirō released a sigh of relief before turning to look at her once again, beaming a huge smile.

"Thanks for the help, (y/n)! I really appreciate it."

"No problem."

"Now we should head to our quarters now. It's getting late, and you need your much needed rest of course!" Tanjirō reminded, putting his hands against his hips to further deepen his point.

she laughed slightly at this before agreeing with the boy. "Yes, I will sleep well. "

"Well then, good night (y/n)!"

"you too." he bids her goodbye with a smile etched across his lips as he sauntered off to his room.

what an adorable boy.

#kimetsu no yaiba #demonslayer #tanjirokamado #tanjiro #gamabokosquad #kny #kimetsunoyaiba #gonpachirokamaboko #vanillashakelle #xreader #reader

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