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softlypaintedseafoam · 4 months ago

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the summer moon was born from the waves to be loved

synopsis. you get pregnant and the ghost of university days past finds out five years later.

pairing. gojou satoru x f!reader (afab)

word count. 10.2k | masterlist

content warning. 18+ (mentions of sex but nothing explicit), college au (no powers), friends with benefits, pregnancy, hidden child trope, onesided feelings (unreliable narrator), use of y/n

reblogs & interactions appreciated.

a repost of an old favorite two-part story of mine. this story originally came about as a what if discussion concerning characters from jjk to tokrev to even bllk and the gojou idea was the most inspiring so i really ran with it. pt 2 will be posted later this week. this is filler while i work on my current wips

o. ghost

This felt like something out of a bad movie.

One of those “yeah, that’s me. The one looking like she just shit herself because the ghost of Christmas past just showed up” kinds of movies. The ghost of Christmas past whom you haven’t seen in the last five years.

The ghost of Christmas past that your daughter looks at curiously, wondering who put you in such a stupor as she asks sweetly, “who’s he, Mommy?”

The ghost of Christmas past whose face is unreadable as he looks at Itsuki before he settles his gaze on you. “Yeah, [First],” the ghost asks. “Who am I?”

Where did I go wrong?

A rhetorical question.

A lot in life has to go wrong for a man you thought you left in your memories to show up at your doorstep but you can pinpoint the exact moment in time in which you screwed up. It’s all because you sat next to Ieiri Shoko in your mandatory calculus class. If it weren’t for that, none of this would be happening.

No, that isn’t it. Your gaze turns to Itsuki, who looks back at you with familiar light blue eyes and white hair. She may have gotten the Gojou Satoru eye and hair colors, but her hair texture and skin tone both pointed to you. If I sat anywhere else she wouldn’t be here. And even if you knew that sitting next to Shoko meant meeting the world’s most aggravating man you could have fallen for, you feel like you would have taken that path once again.

No, sitting next to Shoko wasn’t where you messed up all those years agoー it was telling her you were pregnant in the first place.

i. spring tide

When you met Gojou Satoru, you considered it a godsend.

Not because his eyes were a rare shade of blue that most would kill to have. Not because he was drop dead gorgeous and the last person you were expecting to see when your classmate Shoko invited you to eat lunch with her and a couple friends.

The reason was a lot more simple thatー he was the first person you’d met in years that had watched and liked Digimon more than Pokemon. I am so glad I sat next to that Shoko girl, you thought in gleeful disbelief as he told you his personal favorites before flipping the question onto you. “I’m basic,” you told him with a laugh. “I’ve been riding the wave of Gatomon love since I was 7.”

Getou Suguru, Satoru’s childhood best friend from what you’d gathered, groaned, “please don’t make him continue with your excitement.”

“Ignore him,” Satoru pushed Suguru’s face away with all the nonchalance in the world. “He thinks Digimon is stupid.”

“It’s a Pokemon bootleg!” Suguru shot back with a sly smile.

In unison, you and Satoru gasped in disbelief and offense. “Boy bye! You can talk all the shit you want about Digimon, I can rest every night at ease knowing if my house were on fire Agumon would be able to say ‘[First], your house is on fire’,” you sneered in jest at the man, Satoru clapping in agreement all the while at your defense. “You don’t get that kind of insurance with Pikachu! ‘Pika pika’ could mean so many things!”

“Where have you been all my life?” Satoru snickered, holding his hand out for a high five you reciprocated with complete enthusiasm.

“Watching Digimon by myself,” you laughed, whipping out your phone. You needed this man’s number stat. “The next time I have a Digimon rewatch, I’m inviting you over. Like, you don’t have the option to refuse, you’ve doomed yourself.”

Satoru’s eyes were gleaming from his lowered shades, “funny, I was about to say the exact same thing to you,” he glanced over at Suguru with a teasing look. “Friendship ended with Suguru, [First] is my new best friend,” the white-haired student declared as he typed his number into your phone.

He labeled himself Digidestined Satoru, sending a text to himself: This is coming from the phone of Digidestined [First]. Your cheeks hurt from how widely you were grinning as you looked at the message. “That better be what you put me in your phone.”

“Definitely, new best friend,” Satoru promised, whipping his own phone around to show your new contact in it. Digidestined [First] it was.

Despite the apparent disownership, Suguru looked amused and unbothered, “okay but see if your ex-best friend takes notes for you if you ever take off from class.” Suddenly your new brother-in-Digimon was singing a different tune, waxing poetic about how Digimon and Pokemon were brothers from different mothers. You rolled your eyes but you’re unmistakably giddy as you watched him talk with his hands.

“There doesn’t need to bad blood between the two,” Satoru ended with a grand bow. “As such, I declare that I can have more than one best friend.”

“How did we even get on the topic of Digimon,” Shoko asked with an amused look on her face, cracking open another beer. “That was so random.”

You grabbed your own beer with a light giggle, you felt rather light compared to how you started this day. “His sunglasses had a Metal Greymon-like pattern and I had to say something about it,” you say after a few sips. “Glad I did because now I have a new brother-in-Digimon.”

Blue eyes held your gaze for a moment and you clacked your cans together in celebration.

That was how your friendship started. Clothed in beer and Digimon. It took about a week before he swept over to your place, seeking out the promise to watch Digimon together. If you can really call what you did watching, you spent more than half of the time talking over the episodes about miscellaneous topics than actually watching Tai and the gang try to get back to the physical world.

He’d known Suguru since he was 5.

(“We got into a fight on the playground. I wanted the swing and he wouldn’t get off. So I kicked him and he threw sand at my face, we’ve been buddies ever since.”

“I have a lot of questions about how y’all went from trying to kill each other to being best friends.”

“Look, don’t question our methods.”)

He was a December Sagittarius, born December 7th.

(”Yeah, I can tell!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”)

He apparently started eating sweets to stimulate his brain but ended up with a sweet tooth.

(“That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, did you get that shit from Death Note?!”

“…. no.”

“Oh my god, you did!”

“You literally got a tattoo of a butterfly because of a crush you had on Jolyne from Part 6, shut up!”

“Satoru, don’t play these games with me.”)

He sounded eerily similar to Bruno Bucciarati from part 5 of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure.

(”Arrivederci!”

“Oh my god that’s insane! You do! Say something else!”

“STICKY FINGERS!!!”

“PFFT-”

“See? I could totally get away with saying I voiced him and no one would bat an eyelash.”

“Who else do you sound like?”

“I’ve been told I make a great impression of Kuroo from Haikyuu!!”

He did, by the way.)

And he was currently enrolled as a business major.

(“My old man wouldn’t get off my back about it. You?”

“Marine biology.”

“We have that program here?”)

He had a natural charisma that just drew people in, yourself included. That’s why you think it was so easy being with him, he made it feel like you’d been friends all your life even if reality said otherwise. He made everyone feel like that, that’s why he’d always be surrounded by people.

Still, he’d find a way to make you feel special when his eyes would light up in recognition when he saw you wave across the room at parties.

How he’d jig across the room with those lanky limbs of his to grab you in a hug. “[First], you finally made it! Thanks for coming out of the bat cave you call a room to grace us with your presence!”

It made you feel special that you were friends with the person adored by everyone else. That’s why you could playfully push him off of you and say, “you mean the bat cave you crawl to when you lock yourself out of your room and Suguru isn’t in either?”

“I’m hurt, why are you being mean to me?” Satoru pouted batting his white eyelashes like a distressed damsel. “Don’t you know who you’re being mean to when you’re being an ass? This, this is who you’re being mean to,” he gestured to himself.

“Last week you ate my fries after I specifically said not to touch them because I counted how many I had left, I know exactly who I’m being mean to.”

“How was I supposed to know you’d count them again whenever you decided to eat them?” Your irritation from last week had long since passed though, that was why you could laugh it off with a shake of your head. Satoru was Satoru, it was what you liked most about him even if he could be a pain in the ass.

Suguru’s brown eyes twinkled as you joined the small fray of him, Shoko and Utahime in a corner of the room, “I’m just glad I’m not the only one dealing with him anymore.” Satoru suck his tongue out with a ‘rude’.

“Someone has to do the dirty work,” Shoko replied as she raised a cigarette to her lips. “it might as well be us.”

Utahime smacked the tobacco stick out of her girlfriend’s hands as she said, “I’d rather not be included in the list of people of doing the dirty work.”

“Et tu, [First], et tu?” Satoru asked when you made no effort to come to his defense.

You raised your hands in mock defense, “I have to be a little mean to you sometimes, Satoru,” you told him with a snicker. “It keeps you from getting too big an ego.”

Whether or not that was working was debatable.

The night went on smoothly until your favorite brand of beer had been noticeably picked off from the coolers.

That’s my cue to leave.

“Sorry gang, but my lips don’t touch anything but Don Equis and Asahi,” you said with an air of regality not suited for a party of college students. “Maybe Corona if there’s nothing else. I’m not drinking… whatever this is. So I’m gonna head out, there’s a 24 hour liquor store around here somewhere.”

A chorus of farewells came from your friends minus one. “You coming back?” Satoru looked over at you in earnest.

But you shook your head, “nah, I think I’m done for the night,” you told him truthfully. Your social battery was gone for the rest of the evening and home was the only place you wanted to be. “I’ll catch you guys later though,” you stood up with a stretch.

Satoru stood up with you, “I’ll walk you back to your place then.”

Which was how you ended up sipping beers at the park, laying on soft grass. It wasn’t truly quiet, not with the passing of cars and the occasional passersby but it was quiet enough compared to the welcomed ruckus of the party. “Satoru,” Satoru hummed wordlessly in acknowledgement. “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”

“Dunno,” Satoru shrugged back pressed against the earth snuggly. “I never really got to think about it.”

He was an only child and as such the only one his parents’ turned their gaze to with pressure of taking over the family business. He confided in you ages ago how he hated it when you started seeing more sides of Satoru than the mischief-loving comedian he presented himself as.

You scooted closer to him to lean over his head, “well I think whatever you end up doing, even if it ends up really pissing off your dad, you’ll be great at it. You’re Satoru, that’s how I know you’ll be fine,” your voice held the tone of a promise. I promise you’ll be fine and you’ll be happy.

Thanks, [First]. You liked to think that was what that look on Satoru’s face meant. “I think you’ll make a great part-time aquarist, full-time whale researcher,” Satoru replied instead.

“You’re damn right I will,” you smiled warmly at him, moving a stray strand of his hair off his forehead. “Be careful I don’t disappear for months, spirited away by the sea folk on my Children of the Sea shit.” You took his sunglasses off, you had no clue how he was able to wear them 24/7. Even stranger was how he was still able to walk so easily at night despite having them on. Apparently the Gojou eye genes were built different; the colors of his eyes certainly were. “I’ll come back to shore occasionally, mysterious as the sea itself.” The sea you got to see every time you looked at his eyes, even if now they were barely visible even with the street lights.

Satoru looked back at you with a small smirk, “even if you got spirited away, I’d just go and bring you right back. Suguru’ll kill me if I try and make him watch Digimon Tamers with me again. You said it first, remember?” His voice was low as he recalled your exact words from your first meeting. “You’ve doomed yourself. There’s no ditching me now, not even at sea.”

“I did say something like that, didn’t I,” you smiled wryly.

He didn’t say anything back, but you could guess that he was likely thinking something along the lines ‘yep, that you did. No take backsies.’ A comfortable silence fell between the two of you, his eyes staring up at yours. It’s then you swore you saw him glance at your lips from where he laid and just when you considered the idea of kissing himー the sprinklers turned on.

Even worse, in your surprise his head clashed into yours as he tried getting up with a start.

Then there was a dash of bullshit on the side when your beers spilled over into the grass.

Great, you thought as Satoru tossed your emptied cans into a nearby trash can after you got out of the line of fire. You shook your arms, droplets of water flying off your soaked sleeves.

You should have taken that as a major sign from the universe that you would be making a mistake of gargantuan proportions if you kissed that man.

Instead, the two of you looked at each other and laughed. “God I hate this park, why do we even come here? Nothing good ever happens when we do,” Satoru said with a shake of his damp hair.

“This is the first time we’ve ever even come here,” you snickered.

“And see what a great start we’re already having with it?”

“Come on,” you tugged him by the wrist. “Let’s just change at my place, you have some clothes somewhere over there.”

A smarter person would have left it at that once you got home and showered, placing your clothes in the wash. It could have been a pleasant end to the evening, the two of you crashing on the couch while watching some dumb movie you never heard of on Netflix.

But the same atmosphere from the park came back with you when he came out of the bathroom at the same time you planned to knock on it to ask if he wanted something warm to drink. “Oh, sorry-” you say when your fist lightly landed on his chest instead of the door. “I was just gonna ask if you wanted tea or something. I bought your favorite brand of honey.”

“Sure, I’d like that,” he answered but you made no move to go to the kitchen and he made no move to ask when you would.

Who kissed who first, you weren’t sure. It didn’t really hit you that you were kissing until Satoru tore his lips from yours with a pant, “hey how drunk are you because I really just wanna make sure-”

“I’m not,” you pulled his lips back onto yours and Satoru hadn’t wasted time in hoisting you up by the legs.

ii. neap tide

When does one stop sleeping with their friend? You suppose it is probably when you realize you have feelings for them.

You didn’t do that.

If it had been anyone else doing this to themselves, you would have told them to cut the cord while the feelings were still manageable.

Or maybe you at least tell the other party how they felt.

You didn’t do that either.

Maybe that was why it was all catching up to you one day when you woke up feeling like crap. The physical manifestation of your stress coming back to bite you in the ass. Right before the trip you were planning on taking with your friends, you started feeling like crap only exacerbated when Satoru was in your presence.

But you still went despite your physically manifested stress because you’re a pushover. Or more specifically, if it involved Satoru, you folded faster than Sunday morning laundry. You had to when he looked at you in concerned disbelief you were trying to drop out of your plans last minute.

“Satoru, it isn’t the end of the world if I stay home. It’s just a week long break.”

“A week long break from your friends? From me? Your best friend?”

You struggled not to laugh, “last week you said I was kicked from that position because I watched one episode of Love is Blind without you.”

Satoru scowled at the memory, “because that’s our show, we started that together, there’s no watching ahead,” he reprimanded you. “And clearly I’ve forgiven you since you’re back in that position because I can’t believe you’re trying to leave me to survive with a couple and Suguru for a week!”

You puckered your lips and shrugged, “if it’s any consolation, Suguru is your boyfriend like 95% of the time.”

“Well right now Suguru is that asshole Kenjaku’s boyfriend and Kenjaku is supposed to be coming and I do not want to fourth wheel that by myself.”

You flicked his nose softly, “so you want me to third party fourth wheel with you so you don’t have to be alone with two couples?”

Satoru grinned and you stopped yourself from rolling your eyes. “Third party fourth wheel with benefits, yes.”

You stared at him for one, two, three seconds before you relented. “Look, I’m only going because I want the sex, not because I’m happily agreeing to fourth wheel with you.”

Satoru whooped regardless in his victory, “works for me!” He chortled as he went back to scrolling on his phone.

Silence fell over you as fiddled with your pointer finger and thumb.

“Hey,” Satoru spared a glance from whatever he was staring at on twitter. “What are we supposed to be?” Blue eyes grew to the size of saucers and you continued, “Classic no strings attached? Or is this supposed to be going somewhere?”

That made him set down his phone, “why,” he licked his lips before grinning, but it looked forced even to your eyes. “Why are you asking me that so randomly?”

You deserved an Oscar for how smoothly you delivered what came from your mouth. “Well what if the receptionist there is hot? I don’t need to make things between us awkward because it turned out we aren’t on the same page,” you thumbed behind you in the direction of the hotel. “‘What the hell, [First]’,” you deepened your voice, puckering your bottom lip as you whined. “‘I thought we had something special and you fucked the receptionist? What if they end up fucking with our reservation now?!’”

“First of all, that is not what I sound like,” Satoru stuck his tongue out at you but his shoulders were relaxed and subtle he tried to be, you could feel the relief rolling off of him in waves. “Second, fucking the receptionist does sound like a terrible idea because what if they do fuck our reservation because things go south? Just find someone at a club like the rest of us. But fucking someone else is a non-issue, get all the ass you want.”

“Well glad to know I have the Gojou Satoru thumb of approval,” you smiled and Satoru grinned in return, giving you a nudge with his elbow and you nudged him back. Underneath the calm, you were a storm of turbulent emotions. You weren’t surprised, your feelings had been confirmed. This wasn’t a Disney movie. You weren’t Tiana and he wasn’t Naveenー you weren’t going to turn this commitment-phobe into something he wasn’t. Yet the pain of the confirmation echoed in your chest. “Well, not when it comes to the receptionist.”

“Because no one fucks someone with the power of their reservation at their fingertips, that’s like,” Satoru searched his mind for the perfect example. “Handing over the poison to a chef and that chef was the person you were planning on poisoning.” So is continuing to sleep with someone who didn’t want the same things as you.

You couldn’t help laughing at your idiocy, relieved that Satoru took it as a humorous dig at his less than perfect metaphor. “I’m still fucking the receptionist if they’re hot.”

“I hope they’re married and old, how about that?”

“I’ve always liked them with a little salt and pepper. I fucked your prematurely whitening headass, didn’t I?”

“First of all, this is all natural-”

You’ve doomed yourself.

iii. red tide

Denial.

Anger.

Bargaining.

Depression.

Acceptance.

Those are the five stages of grief. It was certainly the steps that you experienced when the fact your period was late hit you while you were floating when Utahime gasped about the sea turning red.

Red tide, it was the first you’d ever seen it. But that excitement or concern about the possibility of what that meant completely subsided as you stared at the reddening shoreline when you realized a noticeable absence of red that week.

There was no way you were late for any particular reason. This was one of those flukes, your period always had a tendency to be finicky. It would be early or late at its convenience, never mind you being the one suffering. That’s why it was absolutely ludicrous that you left the beach to buy a pregnancy test.

And if you were the word you refused to think, it was your own damn fault for playing with karma the one time you decide to trust Satoru’s pullout game. Both of you were stupid, very very turned on and stupid and you should have just waited to get a condom.

But in the chance you weren’t pregnant, you swore you were going to remain celibate the rest of your university experience. You’d focus on other things, like journaling consistently like you said you would when you were writing your New Year’s revolutions.

Bargaining means nothing to biology, however, that was what you took as the universe’s answers when you were forced to look at the positive result staring back at you.

A lot of thoughts would run through a person’s head at an unplanned pregnancy resulting from a very ill-advised friends with benefits relationship.

Were you still in depression? Or had you reached acceptance yet? You weren’t entirely sure as you stared out the sparkling sea. Your sight blurring the stars above and the stars below did little reassure you as the possibilities ran through your mind.

What would you tell Satoru?

How would he react?

Would he think this was why you asked him about where your relationship was supposed to be heading?

Would assume the worst of you and accuse you of trying to trap him into a relationship when it was clearly supposed to be no strings attached from the beginning?

You didn’t know which unknown would hurt you more.

I should really decide on whether or not I’ll keep it to begin with before I start with all the scenarios, you inhaled deeply with shudder but you didn’t bother to wipe your tears. The blurriness was your own punishment. If I don’t, I never have to tell him anything. We can just cut this off and he’ll be none the wiser.

It was the most optimal scenario when you were still in college. You were barely handling the fees you currently had to pay for school, a child definitely wouldn’t help with that.

Was it too late to find something unhealthy to use as a coping mechanism?

“Yo,” you could have laughed bitterly. Of course, this is when Satoru shows up now. Right after you’ve isolated yourself away from everyone else on the more populated part of the beach. He was grinning, you could hear it in his voice. “[Fir]- hey are you alright?”

Great.

“Yeah, it’s just, you ever see something so beautiful you want to cry? It’s one of those things,” when he looked unsure, you grinned widely and wiped your tears. You didn’t need him to suspect a damn thing. “Seriously, dude, this was the reason I wanted to go into marine biology as a kid. I saw a picture of it once and decided, I wanna see that too. It’s just a surreal moment for me.”

At your reassurance, Satoru sighed, “geez, don’t freak me out like that.” You snorted as he settled next to you and you couldn’t think of anything humorous to say.

“Pretty cool, right?” The blue of the bioluminescence was reminiscent of his eyes, the thought crossed your mind now that he was in front of you.

Satoru whistled, impressed, “yeah but what is it?” He slapped a foot down on the ground, whistling again at the additional sparkling at the stimulus. “You’re the marine biologist, explain the science to me.”

“Sea sparkle,” you told him with a snort, heart drumming all the while. “I never thought I’d see something like this in my life. Red tides are signs of algal blooms are going to happen. They can be harmful but sometimes, completely harmless. This is the completely harmless kind,” a sparkling wave rolled across your feet as if to prove your point. “Well, technically harmless, there’s some conflicting evidence on whether or not it’s okay to swim in. We shouldn’t touch or swim in it to be safe. It’s just been a childhood dream of mine to do this, so don’t tell my friends in the not-dumb-scientist community. And wash your skin really really well tonight before going to bed.”

A grin blossomed on his face in his usual expression of mischief, “I ain’t no snitch.”

“Good because if you do I’m telling Shoko it was you that ate her leftovers,” you stuck your tongue out petulantly and Satoru kicked a splash at your thigh.

“Anyways,” Satoru drawled, observing the glow of his footsteps in the sand. “How long will it last?”

“It depends, sometimes a week. Sometimes a month,” definitely longer than the two of you and the situationship you’ve maintained thus far. “Once the food source runs out, they’re out. But hopefully they’ll be here the rest of our vacation, it’s pretty cool, right?”

“Yep, pretty damn cool,” he repeated like you hadn’t already asked that question earlier.

Satoru wasn’t yours, nothing was going to change that.

iv. ebb

If I’m not going to tell him, I need to leave.

That was the conclusion you came to after ultimately deciding to keep your child. Gojou Satoru wasn’t yours to keep, that was more than apparent. You wouldn’t force him to stay by means of a pregnancy.

You weren’t the first single mother in existence, you doubted you’d be the last. You’d do everything, without his help. Everything would be figured out in due time, it didn’t matter the run around you would have to take.

It took a week after the trip for you to come to that conclusion, packing your bags so you could head home. You’d transfer to a different school, there was no way you’d be able to keep a pregnancy underwraps on campus. Especially not from your friends.

You tried to distance yourself from your friends slowly, but even an inch was noticeable.

You alright?

What kind of sadists are your professors if you’re this busy?

Just let me know if you need me to come over some kind of distraction. Sorry for coming over earlier unannounced, I shouldn’t have assumed. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.

Those were the texts Satoru sent you the most. If any your friends doubted you, it seemed Satoru doubted you the most despite your reassurance that once you got your workload more manageable you’d be more available. You told him things were fine, maybe he just doubted you because you never told him he couldn’t come over whenever he felt like it. That was how things had been since you became friends.

Your place was his place, his place was yours.

That’s why Shoko had to be at your apartment, arms crossed and looking thoroughly tired.

“What’s been up with you anyway?” Shoko barged into your apartment before you could stop her. “Satoru’s been driving me insane asking me to check on you.” So she said, but you saw the worry on her face even if she tried to hide it. “So what’s going on? He says he’s pretty sure something is going on and you don’t want to tell him. Are you failing a class or something?”

“Nothing,” you told her a little too quickly and the brunette gave you a look that said ‘girl, please’. If your attempt to look as composed as possible wasn’t doing you favors, neither was how messy your room was. “Seriously, Shoko, I’m fine. Satoru’s just being overdramatic. It’s Satoru, you should know this. He went to your clinic once for almost breaking a nail.”

Shoko rolled her eyes at the memory, “yeah but now he’s pestering me to see if you’re actually fine or if you’re just trying to shut him out,” she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose before the concern peeps out of her face. “He said once in high school Suguru pushed him away and stuff went bad between them for a while. He felt like it was his fault for not trying hard enough to see what was bothering him. The rest of us are being chill about everything but we are worried too, you know. Just considerably less dramatically than others.”

That made your heart twist in both in the best and worst ways.

“It’s…” you took a step back and held yourself. “It’s fine. Tell Satoru he’s just being dramatic.”

“Then why is your suitcase out?” [Color] stared into brown as Shoko’s look told you that she wouldn’t drop it until you came clean to her. “Is it that serious? I won’t force you to talk about it, but I at least want to know how okay you are and it’s something you can manage on your own. That’s all, I promise I won’t say anything to Satoru if you really don’t want him knowing,” she’s the most gentle you’ve ever seen her. Only Utahime is privy to the softest of Shoko’s expressions but you can’t help but appreciate the look of worry she has. But I don’t want you to just up and disappear on us either.”

You opened your mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “I,” you licked your lips and sat down on your couch. “I’m thinking of transferring to another school.”

Shoko peers into your face, “and you’re worried about how we’ll take it?”

You shook your head. “I am worried about that but, I’m more worried about the why I need to leave. My parents will probably freak out too, but I’m going to promise them this isn’t going to stop me from pursuing my education.” Wide as her eyes already were, Shoko’s eyes were practically the size of dinner plates. You cut her off before she could say anything else. “I’m pregnant. I found out on the trip we took.”

…

“It’s Satoru’s,” it wasn’t a question.

Your silence was enough of an answer.

“You’re plan was to transfer schools because you don’t want to tell him you’re pregnant?” Shoko’s eyes were wide and you looked away from her. “[First], you can’t expect me to not tell him about-”

Your eyes snapped back to look at her, “you can’t tell him about this.”

Shoko shook her head, “this isn’t just your kid-”

“I’m the one who’s pregnant, I’m the one who decides what to do with it! It’s none of his business!”

Shoko probably would have slapped you if you weren’t expecting, “it’s his kid too, of course it’s his business!”

“Fine,” you muttered coldly, fixing your friend with a cold stare. “I’ll tell him if you can tell me you genuinely think it’s going to go well. That you can really Gojou Satoru dropping everything to become a father for a kid he never planned on having with someone he never planned on being with. Mr. Heir of the Gojou Conglomerate Satoru,” you remember his genuine fear and subsequent genuine relief. “Hell, that he won’t think I tried babytrapping him because I asked him recently if he saw what we had going anywhere and he clearly didn’t want that. And even if he doesn't, do you think his parents would be happy with this? Truly?”

Shoko couldn’t say anything.

You shook your head with a humorless huff, “yeah, that’s what I thought too.” You paused to close your eyes and inhale deeply before looking at your friend once more. “I’m not telling him anything. I don’t need his help to raise this baby, I can do this myself.”

Shoko eyes are dark and you knew she was second guessing everything. “[First]-”

“You can’t tell him anything. Not even Suguru, especially not Suguru. He’d tell him right away.” Suguru was your friend, he was a great friend even. But you knew where his loyalties lied. He’d tell Satoru in a heartbeat. “Please,” you pleaded. “I’m asking you as your friend.”

Shoko reached for the pack of cigarettes sticking out of her pocket before dropping her hand to the side. Right, your pregnancy.

You looked at her in desperation, biting your lip. “Please, I’d never ask you this if it wasn’t important. Satoru doesn’t want me,” your eyes stung at the admission even if you accepted that truth ages ago. “Not the way I want him.”

“I,” Shoko released a shaky breath. “I won’t say anything. I promise.”

You dropped out of school without a word to your friends before the month ended.

v. moon

五条・五月。

Gojou Itsuki; you considered writing that on her birth certificate when she was born. Instead, it was your last name Itsuki received.

五, that was the only part of Satoru you would give her, the ‘five’ in Gojou. You promised that little girl you would love her five times as much for his absence.

vi. flow

That all brought you back to now in the present, Gojou Satoru sitting beside you on a park bench while you daughter looked nervously between you both. “Go on then,” you sweep your hand in the direction of the swings. “I’ll be sitting right here, okay? Have some fun with the other kids.”

Yet like moth to a flame, the man with snowy white hair is all your daughter can focus on. “But who is he?”

Satoru opens parts his lips and you beat him to the introductions, “he’s just an old friend of Mama’s, that’s all. Like Aunt Shoko. We haven’t seen each other in a while and we just want to catch up, that’s all. Right?” You shoot Satoru a pleading look.

“That’s right,” Satoru beams. “Maybe I can push you on the swings later.” That makes Itsuki grin back widely. She looks so much like him that there is no denying who she is to him. You know it and so does he.

The smile drops the moment Itsuki is out of an earshot. “You really never planned to tell me about her,” his eyes that normally remind you of crystal clear seas look more akin to frigid chips of ice as he looks at you. “You stop talking to me, you block me on everything out of nowhere and when you dropped out of school, I had no idea where you were-”

“Satoru, you have to understand,” you start, it sounds weak even to you.

Satoru looks at you with a look of pure offense. You can read his mind clearly, “What is there to understand?”

“This was the best outcome for everyone involved. You, me and Itsuki.”

“That isn’t the kind of thing you decide on your own, it takes two to make a child, [First]!”

“We’re not arguing in front of my daughter, Gojou Satoru.”

“No,” the smile that spreads across Satoru’s face is feral. You’ve seen that smile before, one he had whenever he was on the brink of swinging and starting a fight. Never before had that smile been directed at you. “She’s our daughter. My daughter. And I had to find out from Shoko five years after she’s been born that she ever existed in the first place!”

“Like you wanted to be a father anyway,” you hiss, glancing at the growing concern on Itsuki’s face.

“You didn’t even bother asking me what I wanted,” Satoru snaps back. “I would have helped. I want to help.”

“I didn’t want or need your help then and I sure as hell don’t need it now,” you stand up, swinging your wrist away from the large hand that tries to stop you. “You aren’t even her birth certificate,” Satoru flinches like you shot him. “Not your name, not your birthday, not anything. Itsuki’s never even asked about her father,” a lie. It isn’t nearly so frequent as to be considered a problem, but Itsuki did ask about the whereabouts of her father every so often. “It’s just us, Itsuki, I keep telling you that.”

“Do I have another mommy then?”

“No, it’s just us.”

Still, she asks. But Gojou Satoru didn’t need to know about that. “Just go the hell away and leave us alone. I’m not asking for your help, I’ve been doing this alone so far and I plan to keep it that way.”

You take Itsuki home, telling her not to mind the sad-looking man you left on the bench.

“Before you say anything,” Shoko starts when she answers the phone. “I know you’re pissed off.”

“No shit,” you all but seethe at your closest friend. Itsuki is asleep and it takes all of your willpower to not turn a firm but loud whisper into shrieks of hysteria. “Shoko, what the-”

“[First], I had to tell him,” Shoko sighs and you can practically smell the nicotine through. “I get it, you were scared back then but Satoru deserved to know he is a father. Itsuki deserves a chance to get to know her father!”

“You don’t get to decide what my kid needs,” you retort immediately. “We have been doing just fine without him in our lives and that’s how I wanted to keep it. Now she keeps asking about the man with the white hair and why he looked so sad and-”

“This isn’t one of those situations where you had a surrogate and did this all on your own, [First]. And he isn’t some random stranger you met some campus party years ago, this is a friend! Why on earth would you tell him that you never put him on the birth certificate.”

“Was. He was a friend,” you correct her. You push back the memories of late night study sessions gone awry by Satoru shoving his phone in your face to show you some video in his recommended list. You ignore the creeping reminders of sharing shit-eating grins, waiting for the moment Suguru learned that you changed his autocorrect for chocolate into something stupid. “We haven’t been friends in years, we’re just old school acquaintances at this point. You know why I never told him about her. And I said it so he would have an out; he doesn’t need to stick around to be her father.”

“And what if she gets tired of you skirting around her questions about him?” Shoko shoots back without giving you a moment to reply that you would handle it if it ever got to the point that it became a problem. “You might be able to skirt around it now but when she gets older she is going to ask and ask and askー and she is going to keep on asking before she does research of her own! There was no way you’d be able to keep this a secret for the rest of her life, what were you planning to do then?!”

“… I was going to figure that out by then.”

“Right and that was going to go by so smoothly and Itsuki wouldn’t feel hurt or betrayed you took away the choice for her to get to know her dad. That could ruin your entire relationship with her.”

“You couldn’t have at least asked?!”

“You never let me! I’m sorry, I’m sorry I betrayed your trust and said things behind your back. I told him to at least let me call and tell you that he knew, but he wanted to meet Itsuki.”

“I just…” your back hit the wall and you slid to the floor, resting your head on your knees. “I don’t know what to do. I didn’t think I would ever see him again.”

There’s silence when Shoko hesitates to reply to your tired voice, “look, I get it. As much as I can try to get it, anyway.” There is only so much that your child-free doctor of a friend can relate to when it comes to your situation. Things worked out perfectly for her when she fucked a friend, Utahime and Shoko’s names were written in the stars. You only admit your envy on lonely nights when thoughts of university days past make a reappearance.

“Satoru is a lot of things. He’s a clown, he’s insufferable and he’s Gojou Satoru that’s enough trouble as it is,” much to your chagrin, you can’t help snorting at her comment. “But he should have a chance to get to know his daughter. You’re a great mom, you’ve been doing great without him. I’ve seen you handle everything, you even went back to school to get your degree. You’ve got the job, everything. I’m not trying to say you need his help, I just want you to be open to the idea of letting him get to know her.”

You think of Itsuki and her questions and the look of hurt that graced Satoru’s face earlier that afternoon. “I don’t want Itsuki to get attached to him only for him to take off,” but a bitter taste fills your mouth at your words. I’m only using Itsuki as an excuse, you can only admit to yourself. The one who doesn’t want to see her father is me.

Fearful you may have been, it was no excuse to keep her away from her father.

“If he does that, I’ll kill him myself. But he wants to be there,” Shoko promises, her voice the softest its been the entire conversation. “He wants to get to know her. She looks just like him.”

She does.

You grab a baby wipe, rolling your eyes in amusement, “Itsuki, you’re getting syrup all over your face, hold still,” gently, you wipe away the sugary mess on her face before it dries and becomes even stickier. Itsuki always leaves the table looking like she’s been off to war. “You definitely don’t get your messy eating habits from me. Let me clean your hands and the fork too.”

Itsuki’s eyes sparkle curiously, “is Daddy a messy eater?”

You look at your daughter, her white hair pulled into pigtails by pastel knockerballs and her blue eyes that sparkle with hope that you’ll have some sort of answer as to the mystery of her secret parent she doesn’t realize she’s already met. “Yeah,” you whisper softly, the ghost of smile on your lips. “He got pretty messy whenever we ate.”

“Really?”

“Yep, and he would always steal the chips out of my bag whenever he thought I wasn’t looking,” you smile knowingly. He isn’t the only one guilty of such a crime. “Kinda like how someone always takes extra bites out of my pudding cups when she thinks I’m not looking.” Itsuki erupts into giggles as you pinch her cheeks now free of syrup. “You really want to meet your papa, don’t you,” you ask almost weakly, resting your hand on the table.

With a nod of excitement, Itsuki answers your question with an unmistakable yes.

“What if Mommy brings Daddy to pick you up from daycare soon? Would you like that?”

Itsuki gasps in disbelief, “Really?!”

Your nerves don’t show as you grin in return, “really.”

The first few rings you wait for Satoru to pick up the phone later in the day are painful.

I should have just asked Shoko to do this, you pace anxiously in the employee parking lot of your job. A childish part of you wishes you had asked your friend seeing as she had already spilled the beans to you. But you remember the more than subtle tone in her voice when she mentioned the other day that Satoru’s number hadn’t changed in all the years you spent out of his life. He’s the father of your child, [First], you scold yourself. Get a grip.

A second later when he picks up the line, you almost hang up in a panic.

“… Hey, [First],” he sounds like he’s grinning but it lacks his usual bravado. “You didn’t change your number.”

“Neither did you,” you reply nervously, fiddling with the fabric of your uniform as the expected awkward silence filled the air. Five years ago, Satoru was one of the easiest people in the world to talk to. Annoying and arrogant at times, most of the times even, but still easy. He spoke his mind clearly; it’s hard reconciling that person with the silence on the other side of the phone. “I shouldn’t have kept Itsuki from you,” you finally begin. “And I shouldn’t have said what I did yesterday, you have a right to be mad at what I did. I’m sorry.”

Satoru’s sigh is slow, “why didn’t you tell me in all these years? If Shoko never said anything, were you really not going to tell me about her at all?”

“Can we not-”

“No, I get to know why you didn’t want to let me know I had a daughter,” Satoru’s voice hardens and you know that running away isn’t an option. Old habits seem to die hard. “You didn’t even tell me you were pregnant.”

“I was scared, okay?” Scared and pathetically in love with someone who didn’t want you back. “I didn’t know how you were going to react… and I didn’t know if you would want to be part of the baby’s life if I decided to keep it. We weren’t even a couple. I freaked out and thought this was best course of action.”

“I would have helped, I would have been there. We were friends, [First],” you can’t tell if he sounds more angry or sad with your younger self’s line of reasoning. “You really thought I would have let you done everything on your own? I would have had your back from day one.”

“…. I’m sorry, I can’t take it back but I’m sorry,” you rest your back against the side of your car. The breeze on your skin doesn’t calm you as much as you’d like.

Satoru sighs again and he’s quiet, contemplative and your heart races wondering what is going through his mind. Would he curse you? Maybe he would take you to court for his parental rights. Instead, Satoru peacefully asks, “what’s she like?”

“Adorable,” your lips quirk slightly at the thought of your child. “I’m pretty sure Shoko’s probably shown you some pictures, so you probably know that already.” Painfully adorable and the entire world knew it, it’s a blessing she isn’t nearly as much of a troublemaker as her father. If she were, you don’t doubt Itsuki would get away with most of her ‘crimes’. “She’s a sweet girl, if she sees a caterpillar on the neighbor’s strawberries, she’ll pick it up and ask if we can take it to the park so it can eat there instead.”

You both share a laugh at that. “She’s smart too, she just sucks things up like a sponge. And she’s popular at daycare, you know,” she gets it from her father, that is easy to admit. Satoru definitely surpasses everyone you know, yourself included, when it comes to attracting people to him. Even when he’s annoying you can’t help but be drawn in. “She’s good at making friends, always looks out for the ones there who have a harder time connecting with people.”

“It’s nice to know she got all her charm and good looks from me,” Satoru chuckles smugly. “It’s a no-brainer the people love her, I expect nothing less from my kid.”

“Oh shut up,” yet you can’t deny his claim. She is Gojou Satoru’s daughter through and through. “She’s a lovable kid; Itsuki was born for it.”

“Was Itsuki the only name in the running?”

“It’s a pretty name, isn’t it? There were others in the running though,” you count down on your fingers the various options you ultimately decided against. “Itsuki stuck out the best.”

“What characters did you use to write her name?”

“The characters for ‘Five’ and ‘Moon’,” you answer softly, remembering the various combinations you could have gone with. Ultimately, there was only one that you could have gone with. “I got the idea from your last name, I… I wanted her to have a part of you with her even if she didn’t know you.”

There’s a pause then a shaky breath. “Gojou Itsuki,” Satoru says finally, sounding a million miles away despite being just on the other line.

“She has my name,” you tell him gently.

“I know,” Satoru replies softly yet there’s a tinge of emotion you can’t quite place. Melancholy? Acceptance? Perhaps a little bit of both. “I just wanted to try it out.”

Silence falls over you both again and you hug yourself despite the sweltering heat of the afternoon. Shoko is right, your secret wasn’t one that was sustainable. “Do you,” your lips suddenly feel too dry and you lick your lips. “Do you want to pick her up from daycare with me today? She wants to meet you, she always has. She even asked about you this morning.”

He does. It shouldn’t surprise you that he does and it doesn’t. Still, your heart pounds when you see him show up at the daycare your daughter spends a large portion of her time at. “Hi,” you greet him nervously.

“Hey,” even though he’s grinning, his smile is a bit off kilter. A sugary pink bag hangs from one his arms. “I uh, didn’t know exactly what sort of things she like but I got her a present. You said she’s really into whale sharks, right? So I got her a plush.”

You don’t have the heart to tell him Itsuki already has five. She’d love his gift anyway. Maybe the one he got her would become her favorite.

“She might adore that more than you,” you joke but you give him a nod a beat later. “But don’t worry about what happened last time. She’ll be happy to see you in a better mood, she was worried about you when we left the park.” Maybe that was the father-daughter bond at work, or maybe it was your child’s empathetic nature.

Maybe both.

You already discussed things with him after he agreed to come meet her properly. He could get to know Itsuki, could even meet the daycare attendants. It would just be a while before you’d be able to trust him with being an emergency contact.

“Hey, Choso,” you wave at the man with pigtails. Intimidating as he looks, his daycare is surprisingly popular due to the low rates. He wanted a place where his youngest brother could grow up happily with his friends. “This,” you start before Choso can question you, gesturing to Satoru. “… This is Itsuki’s father. You’ll uh, probably see him coming around a lot more when I pick her up from now.”

There’s a lengthy pause.

“Nice to meet you,” Choso’s tone says otherwise. If it were possible, Choso’s face would be place right under the definition of judgement. He is definitely deeming Satoru a deadbeat that was finally crawling out from the woodworks.

Satoru ignores it with the air of confidence he didn’t have a few minutes ago outside, “thanks for looking after my kid while [First] was busy. I haven’t been around but I’m hoping to make up for all the lost time.”

You doubt that was meant to be a dig, you still take it as one. “Itsuki’s playing with Yuuji and the rest of their friends right now. You’ll see her at the playground,” he gestures at the infant in his hands. “I have a diaper to change.”

“Don’t worry, I got it,” you wave. “And tell Kechizu that he needs to stop cooking better than me. The other day Itsuki said she liked his lunches more than mine.” That manages to get a snicker out of the man.

“Itsuki!” You call out once you’re on the playground and you see her eyes light up with recognition and a ‘Mommy!’ Even funnier is her little excited jig before she runs over to hug you although she stops as she recognizes the man beside you.

She glances between the two of you and you smile reassuringly. “Why are you getting so shy? Don’t you remember what I promised at breakfast?”

Itsuki’s eyes widen and her jaw drops wordlessly. You suppose she might not have truly been expecting you’d make good on your promise. At least, definitely not so soon.

“Itsuki, this is Satoru, your father,” you tell her gently, smile small. “Although I suppose, you already met him yesterday. It just didn’t go at all the way it was supposed to.” But what was done was done; Itsuki deserved to know her father. You wouldn’t take away that choice because of your own fears anymore.

“Daddy?” Itsuki asks Satoru, voice just above a whisper.

Satoru nods, settling down on one knee to look her in those familiar blue eyes. “That’s right, kiddo,”

“Daddy?!” Itsuki hops in disbelief, looking between the two of you before her eyes settle on yours again. “It’s really Daddy?!” You aren’t sure if Itsuki knows whether she wants to cry or run away in disbelief that this moment is finally happening.

You knelt beside your old friend, “say hi to your father, Itsuki.”

The tears suddenly well in her eyes but despite Satoru’s panicked voice, you can tell they aren’t sad ones as Itsuki throws her arms over Satoru’s shoulders. And if your eyes are warmer than they were a few moments ago, you don’t mind it as you watch you’re daughter hug her father for the first time.

Itsuki adores Satoru, that’s what you learn in the span of a single afternoon. And yes, she does love the whale shark plush he got her more than the other five you already purchased. She cried even harder when he hugged her back, softly promising he wasn’t going anywhere. That he’d always be there and he would come see her as much as she wanted.

She adores how he took her out for ice cream before dinner and how even after dinner, he purchased even more dessert.

He was weak to her with no immunity built up over the past five years.

This was why he couldn’t say no when she pleaded he stayed over to at least watch a movie with her before bedtime. Not that you had any room to talk considering how easily you agreed.

“So she had to get Merlin’d?” Satoru asks incredulously as the credits roll across the screen.

“That is not what was supposed to happen, the beautiful girl is subjective to the one who got cursed!” You tell him, flabbergasted that that was the conclusion he came to. Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarves is far more than a comedy. It’s social commentary! “Not to mention the body positive message it sends with the fact that shoes represent societal standards of beauty along with the objectification and idolization Snow experiences while wearing them which further supported the fact that had she had gone to the F7 as herself they wouldn’t have he-”

“Nope, too late. I like my idea better,” you could strangle this man.

“You’re going to ruin Itsuki’s perception of love,” you shoot Satoru a look of amusement and annoyance. At the very least, you know he enjoyed it.

“Good, I don’t need some snot-nosed brat trying to win over my kid that’s obviously aroace,” Satoru says firmly as he picks up your very much fell-asleep-before-the-movie-ended daughter. It’s almost uncanny how natural it looks to you, like he had been around from the start. He probably should have been. You were the one who took that choice from him and made him an unintentional deadbeat.

“Satoru, she’s five and doesn’t even know what that means yet,” you say instead, Satoru oblivious to the thoughts running around your head. One day you’d tell Itsuki the truth, once she was a little older.

“What? She told me she was aroace when I asked earlier today,” Satoru tells you petulantly, moving away when you try to hold her.

“Only because you told her you’d give her ice cream if she agreed to be,” ice cream she wasn’t even supposed to eat because it would spoil her appetite for dinner in a moment you weren’t supposed to see. “It means you’ll love Daddy forever and think everyone else is gross,” Satoru happily exclaimed, holding a cup of Itsuki’s favorite salted cookie dough ice cream. The five year old happily obliged to his whims.

Maybe Satoru will be right in his hopeful predictions that romance will be the last thing on your daughter’s mind in the future thought. On the other hand, maybe he’d be dead wrong and forced to tolerate whoever she brings home in the future.

“They’re just like you, Dad, but they’re brilliant!” She’ll say, hearts in her eyes.

You almost wanted to manifest the opposite of his wishes, only to see the face Satoru would make. It is far too early to be thinking about such things however.

“I don’t want my kid to date anyone, sue me. So I’m manifesting early,” Satoru pouts as he starts takes her to her room to lay her across her bed.

“You’re so stupid,” you roll your eyes and shake your head in exasperation, but a look of fondness is apparent in your expression.

Maybe you were born to see this moment, the moment you could see that Gojou Satoru is absolutely smitten with his daughter. You can see it in how he presses a kiss to the temple of her forehead as he takes her to his room.

Itsuki was born to be loved, she makes it too easy just by being herself. Suddenly your fears from before felt unfounded. You knew underneath the rejection of Satoru in your life that he would have been there and he would have been more than happy to shoulder the burdens of parenthood even in a platonic way. You stop yourself from wondering what that path might have looked like. You made your choice and this is path you’re on now, there is no other way but forward.

“I’ll have you know,” Satoru points a finger gun at you smugly when he returns, child-free, “my kid thinks I’m the smartest man in the world. So one of you is lying and I know it’s not her.”

“Your kid is biased and spoiled from snacks and gifts,” you retort softly with a grin.

“I don’t hear the voices of the naysayers praying for my downfall, sorry,” you both release a chuckle at your exchange and a comfortable silence falls between you both. “I should probably get going I guess.”

You smile at him politely, “we should do this again sometime, I wanna see what else in our movie collection Itsuki will have you watch next.”

Satoru grins, “it better be the Digimon reboot DVD set I saw in the corner,” he pauses before asking you seriously, “our kid does like Digimon, right?”

“You’ll be happy to know that her favorites are Palmon, Kokomon and Wormmon in that order,” you tell him smugly. How could he think otherwise? Did he forget who you were? “The plushies are just in the toy chest she has at the foot of her bed.”

Your child had to be a fan of Digimon, she had no other choice.

translation:

五月 five moons (same character in Gojou as well as a radical in Satoru) ⤷ 五・いつ - five ⤷ 月・つき - moon

part 2 ->

#romance dawn ー 🌅#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojou x reader #gojo x reader #gojo x black!reader #jjk x black!reader #jujutsu kaisen x black!reader

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seventeenlovesthree · 5 months ago

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Madoka Magica Ship Analysis - HomuMado

Based on these two polls [X] [X], I will write an analysis that'll also include how I feel about the ship (similarly to my Digimon shipping game analysis posts).

Disclaimer: I won't claim this to be a conclusive/definitive analysis of all of the ship's aspects. I have watched the original 12-episode-series and movies (including Rebellion), the Magia Record anime and I've read several manga series (the Original, The Different Story, Wraith Arc, Rebellion Story, Oriko Magica, Another Story, Mitakihara Anti-Materials). But I'm aware that I haven't seen/read all of what's out there and am also not thoroughly familiar with the games. Plus, oftentimes, ship dynamics vary depending on which series/timeline you are looking at. I'm fairly certain that thousands of words must have been written about this ship already, better and more elaborate than I probably ever could - so this is going to be my personal take on it.

Whether canon provides input on them or not.

As the main faces, characters (and ship) of the entire franchise, it's absolutely impossible to watch/read/play the series without taking note of Madoka Kaname, Homura Akemi and their dynamic. Their characters, arcs and development are irrevocably connected with one another - no pun intended (yet) - and without them, we wouldn't even have a story to talk about to begin with. But let's start at the beginning, shall we.

On one hand, we have Homura - who initially started off as a shy and timid girl, prone to sickness and ridden by insecurities. Presumably raised as an orphan at a government-funded orphanage, she struggles to find her way, fitting in at school, keeping up, making friends and socializing in general - thus she becomes an easy target for corruption (we shall keep this in mind for later) and is almost being dragged into suicidal tendencies by a Witch... If it wasn't for the pink-haired Magical Girl (and her Senpai) who is going to rescue her - and Homura has no idea yet that she'll end up committing her entire life and purpose to her soon after.

Madoka initially starts off as not considering herself to be anything special - but is still determined to do good as a Magical Girl, she appears to be straight-forward yet kind, gentle and welcoming... Especially towards Homura. So - is it really surprising that Homura, timid, insecure, lonely Homura, would end up thoroughly enchanted by Madoka? The first real friend she must have had in ages? The person who smiled at her, reached out and encouraged her in her pure, innocent ways? Absolutely not, it's highly relatable, endearing... And thus, it shall be even less surprising to see Homura not wanting to lose her again. The feeling of being wanted, appreciated - of not being alone anymore.

After watching Madoka sacrificing herself, ending up killed by Walpurgisnacht in the original timeline, Homura makes her wish to become a Magical Girl herself - not just to meet Madoka again, but to be the one to rescue her this time. What appears to be a wish of determined, unexpectedly confident heroism at first will, just like every other wish, turn out to be a multi-layered mess of human complexity. An underlying desire born from affection - that will eventually turn into something deeper, desperation, obsession, whatever you may want to call it.

Homura lives through countless timelines, repeating the same month over and over again to save Madoka, discovering the fate of Magical Girls to become Witches eventually along the way, becoming more and more skilled at weaponry combat... At some point, she was already perfectly ready to become a witch alongside Madoka, as long as they're together, destroying the entire world - but is held back by Madoka's wish to prevent her from falling for Kyubey. And thus, Homura thoroughly hyperfocuses on her personal mission, so she won't lose the last bit of hope, no matter how bleak the situation may be. However, in the process, she is growing more and more distant, not only from Madoka and their fellow magical girls, but also from herself. Hardened by the experiences, she develops a cool facade and a stoic attitude, swallowing and locking away emotional attachment to anything and anyone that is not Madoka in order to reach her goal.

With every timeline resetted, more karmic energy revolves around Madoka - but with Homura's wish revolving around saving her, she also becomes increasingly more timid, reserved and insecure each time(line). While her general stance on Homura is still mainly the same - finding her, her look and name cute/pretty -, their ability to relate to one another dwindles with every reset. Homura's attempts at reaching Madoka, as desperate as they may appear, rather scare and alienate Madoka - who cannot possibly understand what she has been going through, the time she had spent, the absolute commitment...

Until Madoka eventually makes her own wish to honour all of Homura's achievements - until she wishes for Witches to never have existed and, enabled by all the karmic energy, she becomes a literal Goddess in the process, the Law of Cycles to keep magical girls from despairing, creating an entirely new universe... One in which she has never existed as a human, but only as a concept. Selflessly wishing for everybody's happiness - whereas Homura wishes she didn't. While Madoka thanks her for all she had done for her sake, giving her her red hair ribbons as memory for safekeeping, Homura cannot fully accept this new reality. She does fight on at first, honouring Madoka's wish within a world that has Wraiths instead of Witches, determined to defy anyone and anything that shall threaten her legacy... But this state isn't meant to last.

The long twintail-braids shy, timid Homura used to wear alongside her glasses, mirroring Madoka's red-ribboned twintails as a symbol of innocence, are merely a memory of who Homura Akemi is going to become. For the sake of her initial wish, for the sake of devotion and love that have turned into an obsession that doesn't allow much deviation. And her will to keep living in Madoka's universe is fragile - as she has to overcome temptation in the shape of shape-shifting Wraiths, showing her her beloved Madoka once more - just for example.

And eventually, despair takes over: Trapped within a Witch's barrier inside of Homura's own Soul Gem, a world has formed that technically would have granted her biggest wish - a world in which Madoka exists happily alongside her and her/their friends, fighting together, living a peaceful life... But this world is just a facade as well, meant to lure the Goddess into a trap to regain power over the old Witch System of an alternate reality. And Homura, whose hair can never be turned back into braids again, who has lost her way and purpose, turned into a Witch and is ready to sacrifice herself if it means keeping Madoka safe once more. But even as she is, once again, mercifully saved by Madoka in the end in another act of selflessness - Homura's initial wish takes over. To be the one to save Madoka - in Homura's sense, means to stop her from being selfless for once, giving her the chance to live a normal life in another fake reality. It's Homura's, presumably, selfish desire in contrast to Madoka's - as they have truly become opposites in every single way. In order to fulfill her wish and become Madoka's sanctuary - even against her will -, she became a Devil to defy the Goddess' universe, following a corrupted form of love once born from the wish to protect the one most important to her. To maintain the image of Madoka she had formed in her head, regardless of whether that is what Madoka has eventually become and wished for by herself. And thus, she cannot wear Madoka's red ribbons, the sign of her legacy and innocence, anymore. A black dress and red eyes now have to face a white dress and golden eyes. The braids cannot return... At least not for now.

... Too long, didn't read: There is A LOT to work with, you already know all of this and yet, I am pretty sure I haven't been able to capture every aspect of them.

Whether I think why and how they’d work.

As mentioned, depending on timeline, universe, state of progression, their dynamic tends to be WILDLY DIFFERENT. You can take Moemura/Shy!Homura and OG!Madoka, you can take Cool!Homura and Anime!Madoka (and their various states in between), you can take EndofAnime!Homura and Madokami, you can take Rebellion!Homura and Rebellion!Madoka, Homucifer and Madokami and you can take Homucifer and FakeWorld!Madoka... The possibilities are ENDLESS (especially when you also include the more comedic-leaning portrayals in spin-off mangas like Homura Tamura).

The good part about this is - you can basically pick your poison, you can make this dynamic as wholesome or as toxic as you desire your own personal brand of Yuri to be. Which is, in my opinion, one of the aspects that make Madoka Magica and HomuMado in general so unbelievably intriguing.

Let's start with the toxic side of things, because I would argue that this is where Rebellion left us hanging and where Walpurgisnacht Rising might continue (at first): Homura's wish and her mingling created a very idealized version of Madoka in her head that she wishes to protect and maintain. Her initial thankfulness and endearment towards the kind, strong Madoka in the original timeline have basically been replaced by her unshaken desire to SAVE her. She has to be the one who (selfishly?) stops her from being selfless, she has to be the one to shield and protect her from any harm, keeping her locked in a precious glass bowl preferably nobody else can mess with. The problem here is that this version of Homura (which is basically Homucifer, but also several stages of her before that) cannot accept any other reading of reality than her own. Yes, in an ideal world, she could have allowed Madokami to finally take her away to exist with her in lesbian heaven for the rest of eternity - but that was not what Homura had wished for. And also probably not what Homura thought she deserved after everything she had done. In a way, having her turn into Homucifer was also some kind of self-chosen punishment as a "sinner"...

And Madoka, honestly speaking, probably had a very idealized version of Homura in her head as well. I'm not just talking about Rebellion!Madoka (or FakeReality!Madoka for that matter), whose memories had been tampered with, but also Madokami - who claimed to have seen all that Homura had done for her, in all timelines and realities... But apparently, she hadn't noticed her state of mind, her being so close to despairing and snapping because she just couldn't take this universe. That she couldn't let Mami or Kyouko in, no matter how hard they tried. She still felt alienated from them and lonely, thus she always reverted back to her initial goal, as she simply didn't belong into this universe. It kinda leads me to believe that it may be impossible for even Madokami to see Homura as anything other than the braided girl from the very beginning, her "best friend" from the original timeline.

Long story short - these two need to actually TALK for once. Getting to know their REAL CURRENT selves in whatever state or timeline that may be. Seriously, letting Madokami and Homucifer have a verbal conversation about all these misconceptions and misunderstandings about each other, talking about needs and desires and BOUNDARIES in a meta-kinda-way would be incredibly satisfying to watch. (And I am pretty sure, such scenarios exist in both fanfiction and doujins, but I haven't found them yet!)

Personally, I also highly enjoy the dynamic between Moemura and OG!Madoka - even after a few timelines have passed, as it has been depicted in the second season of the Magia Record anime. It gave me the impression that Homura had already gained a little bit of confidence and Madoka was still hands-on enough for them to be on a similar wavelength - which makes their dynamic among the healthiest in the entire franchise and gives them a lot of opportunities to bond and develop. For Homura to form a proper sense of self, encouraged by but not entirely dependent on Madoka. Actually, this version is also incredibly close to the Rebellion dream versions of Homura and Madoka - which, unsurprisingly, also is one of the most peaceful versions of them, having them sit together in a flower field, talking for hours about actual things. However, this Homura is still hyperfocusing on Madoka here - and it may not even have been her 100% authentic self, since her memories had been influenced by Homura's vision of her.

However, you have to allow them to talk and actually get to know each other and their flaws, let them banter and tease... Let Homura see and learn to accept undesirable aspects of Madoka - and let Madoka shout back at her if necessary. Deep down inside, they both adore and admire each other - which is why they were compatible in the original timeline in the first place. Homura admired Madoka for her strength, whereas Madoka admired Homura for her coolness. And they absolutely have the potential to help the other to become their best selves. But they need to see each other for who they really are and thus have to abandon codependent tendencies for it to work; Homura has to accept that Madoka is her own person who doesn't need to be overprotected - and Madoka has to accept that she cannot "save" Homura just by herself, but that she may encourage her to get therapy to deal with her self-image first. Let Homura understand that "love" also means to let go. Let her see that different people define "love" differently as well and that you have to understand how your significant other loves to love them back right.

Whether I’d prefer them as platonic or romantic ship.

When I had watched Madoka Magica for the first time approximately 10 years ago, I was positively - and obviously - in love with this ship and its potential. I adored Rebellion for how tragically it portrayed it - and again, I'm not even sure if I did them justice in comparison to everyone who wrote about them before me. As outlined above, it has various layers to pay attention to and I absolutely cannot wait to see how Walpurgisnacht Rising will add to my initial analysis of them. Because their dynamic WILL change, there is no denying.

Even after all this time, I still (want to) see the romantic potential between them. They may not be my favourite Madoka Magica ship anymore, but I still rate them very highly due to their complexity, my own nostalgia and hopefulness - although I'm aware that I would ship them in very idealized ways myself that are self-indulgently peaceful (and required a lot of therapy). As much as I want to see them get a happy end one way or another - I am currently very invested in exploring Madoka's and Homura's polycule potential dynamics with the other members of the Holy Quintet and am looking forward to writing more ship analysis posts soon!

#madoka magica #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm #homumado #madohomu #homura akemi #madoka kaname #my two cents #meta #ship analysis #long post

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azaracyy · 1 year ago

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to the next stage of our adventure! digimon survive week 2024 day 7: post-game / future personal thoughts under the cut - less about the artwork and more about shuuji and lopmon themselves. a long rambling containing major spoilers and heavy topics. will cause whiplash. proceed with caution.

other than the fact this may be boring and long-winded, cw and tw: there will be mentions of self-harm and suicide. if these topics make you uncomfortable, please step back. if you're sure, then alright. i'm aware this is a weird place to ramble about shuuji and lopmon considering the notorious highlight of their story would match the themes of day 5 (villains) and day 6 (dark & loss) better. unfortunately (ironically?) i never planned to feature them for those days, so... pretty sure i'm not the only one feeling this, but when i discovered that a good part of the fandom seems to loathe shuuji with utmost passion, even after they claimed to have completed the game, i was confused. the way his death happened and (understanding) the cause made me uncomfortable for a while, but never drove me to the point of hate... once i recovered from the initial shock, what i felt towards him was more pity, then respect (on truthful route). i feel shuuji should have been one of the most appreciated characters in survive. yet it was the opposite that happened. (between you and me though, knowing there was this discourse with the fact digimon survive is a visual novel, i'm not that surprised it turned out this way...) from my point of view, lopmon evolving into wendimon then killing shuuji symbolizes suicide, the act of taking one's own life. it was the climax of shuuji's mental breakdown, leading him to basically self-destruct, causing damage to everyone around him and ultimately himself. lopmon evolved, just like he hoped. but failed to do it like other kemonogami partners (maintaining control of themselves and fending off enemies). the next and final outcome was death, through his own partner actually eating him alive too. it reminds me how when someone thought they have prepared well for something important yet it failed spectacularly, the devastation and frustration would eat them in the same way from inside. and they probably would for one second think, "i'm better off dead". the more i pondered about it, the more it hit home, so of course, the last thing i could do is hate him, when his struggles sound similar to my own - having to rely on consistent achievements to prove your value, to feel you are worth living and not a waste of resources. the part where shuuji went all abusive on lopmon felt like the equivalent of pushing yourself to the extreme to reach your goal, to the point of neglecting your own needs. it's like a student so absorbed in their study, sacrificing food and sleep, until their body eventually snaps and shuts down for good (...this in fact happened to one of the students at my previous workplace. she was in her last year of high school. life was just about to truly start for her when her classmate informed us of her sudden death). even in truthful route where shuuji and lopmon survive that point, things aren't immediately nice and easy for him. you can see that he still has self-doubts, and what i think is impostor's syndrome. he could be making a great contribution to the team and still put himself down for having done "nothing". i have found it interesting that artists and writers tend to be especially fond of shuuji. so perhaps it's not just the matter of one's upbringing - whether you were raised in a harsh, competitive environment and/or with family with (unreasonably) high standards so you can relate more easily to him - but also whether one can see just what every struggle shuuji and lopmon went through symbolizes shuuji's mental state. out of all survive characters, i think shuuji and lopmon pulled off this thing called "surviving" the hardest, no joke. which is why i almost always gravitate to drawing them happy because that's what they deserve :') after all this, what i also would like to say is, it's okay if a character makes you uncomfortable. it's okay if you hate a character. but never, ever bring down the character to people who like them or even consider them their favorite or comfort character. if you must, do it in your own space and only with like-minded people.

#digimon #digimon survive #shuuji kayama #lopmon #survive week #survive week 2024 #obligatory shuuji-focused post where i make myself go a bit ✨ extra ✨#sorry for the long rambling tho i just thought i never had the chance to put this in words and this time i really want to do it #thanks for being patient with me :')#so i didnt manage to post for all days after all but i still have the ideas and sketches #if i ever finish them i will post and tag #if we have another survive week next year i hope i can actually prepare early so i could just schedule posts like a boss #then enjoy every submission without having to worry about finishing my next one #back to commissions starting tomorrow o7 updated my vgen listings recently so feel free to look around if you'd like #let's keep surviving y'alls #png

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perhaps-sunlight · 1 year ago

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Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free pass on to five other writers to spread the love. 💗

Hi, thank you for the ask 💗 It's difficult to pick, not because I think all of my fics are amazing, but because writing takes a lot of effort so I only make time to write the ideas that I love. Right now, as a survival technique, my favorite fics are my three WIPs (one in each of my fandoms).

Focusing on my completed fics, in descending order:

5 -- In Your Image (Harry Potter, Tomarry):

It's rare for me to finish writing a fic and look back upon it with the feeling that I accomplished everything I intended from the outset. This is one of the exceptions. Aside from phrasing and word choices that can always be improved, I am satisfied with my Tomarry take on The Picture of Dorian Gray, and I'm especially proud of the climax and ending.

4 -- Inventing Paradoxes (Harry Potter, Tomarry)

This is a sentimental favorite. I came back to the Harry Potter fandom during the pandemic as a coping mechanism, so I wanted to write something lighthearted and happy (though one could argue I should've picked a different ship). With the Paradoxes series, I regained confidence in writing, a skill that had grown rusty, and I also got a lot of support from my readers, which made me feel like part of a community during a difficult period.

3 -- Perhaps Love (Digimon, Takari)

Another sentimental favorite: I first started planning / writing this fic when I was a teenager, upset with the non-canonical ending to my first ship. The heydays of the fandom have long past by the time I posted, but I was able to find readers who felt similarly disappointed and appreciated the ending that I provided. As with many of my stories, Perhaps was written around three pivotal scenes, and when I reread them years later, I can still appreciate the emotional impact that I was aiming for.

2 -- (never) let me go (Harry Potter, Tomarry)

I've always been and am still fascinated by the concept of death. As a teenager, I wanted to write a story where Harry struggles with the concept of immortality as the Master of Death because it means leaving his loved ones behind, but I didn't have the life experience to pull the story together. After discovering Tomarry, I reframed my original idea into a story about the acceptance of death: both from Harry, who doesn't want to lose someone he loves, and from Tom, who's afraid of moving on.

It's sort of a strange story, and I still find things I'd like to improve when I reread it. However, I was happy that it found readers who enjoyed its strangeness and super flattered that it was bound into a little book!

1 -- Once Upon a Fairy Tale (Digimon, Takari)

Like In Your Image, this is one of the few stories where I feel that I satisfactorily translated my complete vision to paper (and more). I enjoyed exploring how two characters can fall in love and yet still not be together, a theme that I revisit in other works, whether consciously or subconsciously. And when I reread the story, I can discern the hopes and dreams of a person who has yet to experience the ups and downs of real life, which fills me with bittersweet nostalgia for the innocence I once had.

Thanks for reading my rambling!

I'll tag @moonytear, @isalisewrites, and @kippipies (but no pressure at all!).

#sl writes #tomarry #takari

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curedigiqueen · 3 months ago

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I love Beyond as an AU of the Kizuna timeline etc., because Beyond is the first new content since I've become a digimon fan that feels like Adventure. I dont hate Kizuna, I definitely have some issues with it but there's also a LOT I appreciate. Admittedly, when I say Beyond feels like Digimon Adventure, I kinda literally do just mean the character designs, art style (when was the last time we really saw Adventure's digital world? Tri's digital world lacked Adventure's stylization), and the main plot idea, (digidestined being targetted by militaries) which feels like a natural bridge between 02 and the epilogue.

That's almost certainly in part because, it is just a short music video, so that's all there is in it. Which means it doesn't have the room in it to tell me things that I will disagree with. It does raise a lot of questions, but nothing specific. Like why is Takeru in what looks like the dark ocean? There could be 10000s of explanations, and a lot of them would make sense so there's less need to worry about specifics. It also doesn't promise to answer those questions, having been marketed from the beginning as a standalone thing. Its a very different beast from a stand alone movie which requires a clear story arc and character drama that has to resolve quickly, so I'm not disparaging Kizuna and 02tb for NOT diving into that kind of plot, but acknowledging that it made it more difficult for me to care.

A lot of post 02 adventure content has addressed the need for movie content by introducing new characters/conflict that they can resolve in the limited runtime rather than taking from pre-existing threads which does make sense for the format but does leave those stories feeling superfluous. Kizuna and 02TB also take the epilogue for granted rather than seek to show the progression towards it. Not to say there isn't any recognition of the inevitable ending but that this underlying thread takes a backseat to more specific conflicts within the setting of a world approaching a digimon partnership singularity.

I don't think its necessarily a bad thing that they try to use the audiences understanding that the epilogue is canon as a way to filter the story through to make you question the things the characters tell you. Like obviously "digimon disappear when kids become adults" and Taichi and Yamato's separation can't be the whole story if the epilogue shows us that it won't stay. So we are theoretically driven to read between the lines and look for the discrepancies and clues about what IS going on. But it IS extremely frustrating to have mysteries raised but not show the resolution for a 20 year old show, especially after tri. wasted a lot of audience goodwill on that kind of thing.

I also think a huge part of what makes Beyond feel more like Adventure is the lack of adhesion to real life for the setting. 02 took place 2 years into the future from when it was written. Not significant amount of tine, but like 9/11 happened between when the show was written and when it was set. It and especially the epilogue were written speculating about the future that they couldn't really predict. And so tri. Kizuna and 02TB which were all written after the time they take place all try to emulate the real world past, invoking nostalgia of that time period as well, when the world of 02 was already going in a different direction from ours. So I think naturally a world where the timeline has diverged more strongly than from our real timeline would reflect in things like fashion and societal behavior, and even the characters adhesion to the norms that exist.

This of course shows in things like the cell phones and Sora's fashion. I don't think Sora wearing typical Japanese adult women's fashions is at all inaccurate to her character, particularly in the timeline/world those entries present (ie more similar to irl). Similarly Ken and his long hair; long haired Japanese high school boys isn't particularly realistic to the fashion norms of our world, but it IS in line with Ken's fashion choices in 02 and the epilogue. Just two different approaches to the kids designs.

But I personally ultimately do like the Beyond outfits more, because they feel more like a progression between 02 fashions and epilogue. And also I don't really have nostalgia for the 2000s-2010s, much less in Japan. But this also extends to things like character arcs, where I don't think that it's not possible for the chosen children to be plagued by the kind of doubts we see them suffer from in recent iterations, and those doubts make for continued stories for them, but I don't think that's the only potential future for them. So seeing a Sora who is happily flying freely in the digital world makes me happy (and for me calls to mind her Best Partner duet).

I do think I would love a novelization as an elaboration to know what the vision for Beyond is, but I'm otherwise so burnt out Adventure that I don't want anything higher budget to tell me what happens. It's highly possible that any further elaboration on Beyond (such as a novelization) would tell me things that I don't believe. The thing about a show that's had such a long-standing presence is it doesn't really belong to anyone in particular. Shows like Digimon Adventure are made by a group of people at a particular time, so no one person, or even group of people from the crew are the one authority on the story. It's impossible to truly have one true canon continuation of the story, but to me Beyond feels at least somewhat close.

I do appreciate the inclusion of Meiko (&Lui) as sort of a assurance this isn't a pure rejection of other official interpretations of post-02 content. That stuff isn't without merit. But beyond is just one of the creators visions on the subject filtered through music video time constraints rather than big budget movie constraints. Just one potential path.

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure beyond #just my thoughts on Beyond #or really the state of post-02 adventure content ig #i was extremely hyped about digimon con #and I LOVED beyond for exactly what it was #a music video with no further baggage #I might elaborate on what I mean by how the kids adhesion to social norms based on timeline events #leads to differences in their characters though #because honestly its an idea that fascinates me a lot #but the pokemon anime funnily enough has my attention right now lol

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goodlucktai · 11 months ago

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tagged by @bobtheacorn like...... 3 weeks ago 😭 my bad

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

283

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,353,670

which seems.......excessive

3. What fandoms do you write for?

actively, one piece and tmnt, but that is ruled by the demons in my brain that control the hyperfixation machine.

fandoms ive posted 3 or more fics for:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends Good Omens Final Fantasy XV Undertale Mumintroll | Moomins Series Harry Potter Young Justice 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia 陈情令 | The Untamed King Falls AM Percy Jackson and the Olympians Rise of the Guardians Voltron: Legendary Defender

4. Top five fics by kudos?

Exclusivity - 11,116

walk straight through hell with a smile - 9,152

Inanition - 9,039

there is thunder in our hearts - 8,161

trouble is a friend of mine - 7,842

5. Do you respond to comments?

i do try to but i can't always :'( and i feel terrible if i manage to reply to most and then forget someone and only realize it months later. but i read every single comment and i appreciate them more than i have words for

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i tend to veer away from angst, but off the top of my head....

where the good men go or if i go i'm going on fire

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

99% of my fics have a happy ending because thats my BRAND but i suppose give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around or the weekend we were in love OR put your empty hands in mine

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not often, but i recently had someone who REALLY disliked the way things change because i 'villainized' raph. which is definitely news to me, since raphael is the love of my life

9. Do you write smut?

nope

10. Craziest crossover?

i wrote a tmnt/one piece crossover once ? but now that we are actually getting a tmnt/naruto idw run it doesnt feel that weird to me anymore

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

only once if i'm remembering right ?? it was a long time ago and wattpad related, which is a site that i dont really understand and therefore tend to avoid

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes ! i'll often have people request to translate my stories and it blows me away every time

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Devil took your hand was written by myself and @moogsthewriter

14. All time favourite ship?

ineffable husbands, wangxian, or leosagi

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

how much time do you have 😭

16. What are your writing strengths?

i want to say characterization and narrative voice. i'm also pretty good at maintaining a throughline, even if it sometimes gets a little wobbly

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

conflict ! i hate it ! i will avoid writing it at all costs ! i also tend to struggle with writing fight scenes, especially when there are several characters involved :') staging any kind of choreography is my opp

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i try not to but if it feels unavoidable i google the heck out of it

19. First fandom you wrote in?

honestly it was either digimon (which also inspired my og penname) or xiaolin showdown lol

20. Favourite fic you've written?

i'm stealing bob's idea and going top 5:

there is thunder in our hearts - this story came together so easily for me, like i knew exactly how i wanted to tell it from start to finish

the only hoax i believe in - a kfam fic in my top 5s why yes and i'll tell you why. because i poured so much of myself into this fic that they could probably read it at my funeral instead of a eulogy

traveling so far to get there - after party au raph and mikey continue to take up so much real estate in my brain and for what

now the darkness comes alive - this one is more recent but im so happy with the way it turned out :')

if we could stay all day in the sun - it was a lot of fun reimagining one of my favorite fairy tales and doing a bunch of unnecessary research for this story i will stand by it until the day i die !!

i'm tagging @mykimouser, @owletstarlet, @portgas-d-aroace, @mad4turtles, @camsthisky, @remedyturtles, @pickledcarrotsandradish, @swordsmans, @mangogreent, and anyone else who wants to !

#blah #my writing

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themattress · 16 days ago

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An appreciation post for works flawed in production and execution but that I still love.

The Star Wars Sequel Trilogy - The BTS chaos and divisive audience reaction of this film trilogy has been well documented, but I appreciate it regardless. The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker in particular suffer from more failings compared to The Force Awakens but also contain bolder narrative choices and superior set-pieces, so they deserve more respect.

The MCU Multiverse Saga - Both on the whole and with particularly flawed, messy entries such as Black Widow, Eternals, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, The Marvels, Captain America: Brave New World, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, and What If? Yes, I miss the cohesion of the Infinity Saga, but there's still more good in the MCU than bad now.

Pokémon: Best Wishes - The producers, director and writers had a plan for this soft reboot of the Pokémon anime, but several real life factors piled on top of one another to thwart it. But despite that, it still succeeded in breathing new life into a formulaic, stagnating metaseries, establishing many beneficial new trends, telling more interesting and risky stories, and re-engaging my attention. We wouldn't have the great stuff in XY&Z, Sun and Moon, Journeys and Horizons without Best Wishes paving the way. It failed short-term, but won long-term.

Digimon Adventure 02 - It's a mess of narratively confused ups and downs, especially in the face of its legendary predecessor, but the heart is still there. It is still thoroughly enjoyable.

Avatar: The Legend of Korra - Just copy-paste the above description; it fits here too.

Voltron: Legendary Defender - Made by people from The Legend of Korra, this show started out with a creative vision that it delivered for its first third, then compromised on in its second third (which I personally enjoyed best), and finally lost altogether in its final third. And despite how disappointing it makes that final third, especially the ending, at the end of the day it's still a high-quality production and I consider it the best thing to bear the Voltron name to date.

Steven Universe - Cartoon Network fucked with this series (including Steven Universe Future) from beginning to end, leading to many glaring mistakes, but Rebecca Sugar's passion plus the talents of the other writers, animators and voice actors still carried it and made it something worth watching. Here's hoping it still holds true for Lars of the Stars.

Star vs. The Forces of Evil - The second half became a trainwreck, but the first half is still legitimately great, and even in the second half there are many shining gems of episodes and characters / character development scattered throughout. On the whole, I like this show.

The Owl House - It's received worldwide acclaim despite being cut short of its originally intended length by executives. I'd have liked the longer version, but I still love what we got.

Star Wars: Andor - Copy/paste the above.

Arcane: League of Legends - Copy/paste the above again.

Gundam: The Witch From Mercury - Given the shitshow BTS production and the fact that it only received two cours rather than the usual four, it's something of a miracle that this show still ended up being as good as it was. Despite some glaring flaws, the story of the Gundam franchise's first female lead in its first gay romance keeps you engaged from start to finish.

Once Upon a Time - A show that started out incredibly strong only to gradually decay overtime thanks to the incompetence of its showrunners, there are still just enough people striving to do good across its whole production to make it a series I appreciate all the same.

RWBY - This show suffers from its creator dying after plotting out the first three seasons, leaving the next six seasons feeling kind of rudderless, often repetitive, and atrociously paced, but the crew behind the show is still trying - you can't say they're half-assing anything, and that sort of passion for their work shines through and makes it worthwhile.

My Hero Academia - It has a brilliant first act, wildly uneven second act, and downright awful final act, but the strength of its concept alone (American superhero comics meets Japanese manga) helps carry it through, not to mention the legitimate excellence that is the Todorokis.

Sonic the Hedgehog (Archie) - This largely was Sonic for me as a kid! For all its many, many, many lows, I can't ever bring myself to hate this comic series. It's just so damn....unique!

Puella Magi Madoka Magica: Rebellion - This movie notoriously had an ideological clash between its director and its writer affect the ending, which brought about a cliffhanger that has remained unresolved well over a decade later. Despite that, it's still an artistic, aesthetically and emotionally pleasing work, and as iconic as the show it spawned from.

Angel Beats - As an anime, it was cut down from two cours to one which required it to be heavily condensed. As a visual novel, it only released one entry before the project was cancelled. As a manga, it's been on hiatus indefinitely after reaching the halfway point. Angel Beats has no luck no matter what the medium, but its earnest heart and off-the-wall comedy has made it legendary all the same. Once you've seen it, you aren't likely to ever forget it.

Dragon Ball Super - In both anime and manga form it's basically been Buu Saga levels of messiness the whole way through, with alternating highs and lows, but that just made the Buu Saga more palpable than it was before, plus it fixed the original underwhelming ending.

The Land Before Time - See this post.

Spider-Man 3 - Undeniably the weakest of Sam Raimi's Spider-Man film trilogy due to the excessive executive meddling, strange creative choices, and haphazard editing that makes it feel like a two hour rollercoaster ride, this movie still has the heart and effort that Sam Raimi showed in the previous two. It's highly entertaining in both a sincere way and an ironic way.

Glass - Once again the weakest of a film trilogy, but once again full of the same heart and effort by its director, to say nothing of its actors. I am glad we live in a world where this exists.

Wish - Corporate Disney absolutely fucked this movie in order to force it into a 100th anniversary box it was better off outside of, and while the end result is underwhelming, it was made with sincere love and I still feel that love shining through, much like the wishing star. Plus, you just can't help but laugh at and enjoy the inexplicable awfulness of its song lyrics.

The Hobbit Trilogy - Another example of corporate fuckery on a project that everyone involved is trying their best on. I only really like the first movie, but there is good in the whole trilogy and the effort of those who made it even under great duress should be commended.

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith - We come full circle! When it comes to the Prequel Trilogy, I can't sit through The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones the whole way. They have good parts in them, but on the whole they just suck. Revenge of the Sith, on the other hand, is a flawed masterpiece of epic proportions. It had its 20th anniversary this year, and its story of a democracy giving way to a dictatorship is more relevant than ever.

#Opinion #Comparison #This has been a PSA

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otakween · 10 months ago

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Digimon Data Squad (Savers) - Episode 3

I smell a ship 😏

Wait. Why are they suddenly appealing to the female gaze with this episode? Having rival dudes is par for the course for Digimon, but the fanservicey (or should I say MANservicey) shower scene in the Japanese version really threw me off lol. Of course it was cut from the dub...(probably for the best, it was hella awkward).

Notes:

Why do they keep drawing the girls in this show with soulless/brainwashed eyes? It's very distracting

This series no longer does the thing where they pause to give you the digimon's name/info and I kinda miss it. It is more natural this way, but sometimes I appreciate the info.

All of the Tohma exposition in this was pretty cringe. They were like "he's super duper handsome, a genius, and he's an olympic-level boxer, and he's fixed all of our computer systems and you'll never be as good as him Masaru!" Like, please show don't tell, show. Sitting through people talk at me about how great a character I've barely met yet is is not fun.

Gaomon kinda has that "silent and serious" vibe that Renamon had. Kinda shocking we haven't had a dog digimon in the main cast yet! (Unless you count Terriermon, but everyone knows he looks like a bunny. Also, Garurumon is a wolf). Just like Agumon he's got ~accessories~ I like his curly tail in his digivolved form.

Suddenly I'm watching One Pound Gospel again with that boxing match lol. That face punch Masaru gave Tohma was pretty satisfying.

Masaru and Tohma's red, angry faces post-fight were cute. Lots of great expressions this episode. (Hopefully Yoshino doesn't take a backseat with how much they're pumping the dudes up as fighters).

The PuchiMeramon digieggs were very specific looking (with flames on the digieggs). Sometimes digieggs are really vague and sometimes they're not lol

I kinda wish they'd just reveal who that old dude is already. It's so obvious that they're gonna reveal something about him and I just wanna get it over with

Fanfiction prompt: bitter rivals at work are forced to become partners (oh nooo!! 😉😏😘)

Tohma is a pretty generic "arrogant elite dude" archetype. I guess it's cool that he's Austrian. That's pretty rare for anime...

The fact that Masaru needs to punch a digimon in order for Agumon to digivolve feels a little contrived. I wonder if they'll get to the point where that's no longer a requirement.

#digimon savers #digimon data squad #anime #digimon

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popart-vvv · 1 month ago

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Momocon Summary

Okay, this might be the actual longest post I've made because of one key detail: Momocon is four days long instead of the usual three for these kinds of events.

Anyways, Momocon was baller, just like LVL Up Expo! And the "low-key" prediction was kind of half-and-half--it wasn't busy for me like last month, though I still had fun, especially because I was wearing my new cosplay of Yu Narukami. And my brother was there with me because some of the guests I visited starred in his favorite media.

Day 1

The first order of business was meeting Colleen O'Shaughnessey! I gave her my fanart and bracelets, referencing Tails and Wasp, and my brother talked about his own love for the Sonic franchise. We all took a picture together.

Then we met Jason Griffith, the mid-2000s actor for Sonic and Shadow. Gave him my own bracelets, shared my favorite lines from the two hedgehogs, with reference to Black Knight and '06, and my brother talked with him too. Another picture ensued.

Day 2

I met Johnny Yong Bosch, a personal GOAT, gave him some bracelets and fanart as well as a little letter describing my love for him and his roles. I gushed quite a bit about the Persona 4 dub as he signed a print, talked about how much Persona means to me, and then we took a picture together.

I then met Amanda Hufford again! Gave them a nonbinary bracelet, some plush pics I had made since Vegas, and a letter relating to my Shadow Ragatha essay. I reiterated my love and sympathy for Ragatha, which they appreciated a bunch. A selfie ensued!

I then went and met Casey Mongillo, mentioning that I've been taking in five of their roles as of late: Shinji, Nahobino, Emporio, Chilchuck, and Klace from Komorebi (deep cut I know!) Gave them some bracelets relating to the former two, plus another nb bracelet, and we took a picture together!

I then went to a photoshoot of Persona cosplays and partook in it in full costume. It was fun meeting a lot of fans cosplaying, though there was a low point at the event--when the host called for cosplays of Teddie, a lot of people booed, one of them calling him "the worst character". Like, why?! 😭

I also visited a little Power Rangers shop booth manned by two Zeo stars: Nakia Burrise and Catherine Sutherland. I bought a Green Zeo Ranger coin in honor of JYB himself, and talked with Nakia a little. I mentioned that one Zeo episode I liked was when Tanya was playing baseball, which she appreciated, and she mentioned a Power Rangers comic she co-wrote.

Some time after that, I attended the Sonic panel with Jason, Colleen, and Dave B. Mitchell (Knuckles). I got to ask a question: "If your characters could choose, Pokemon or Digimon?" Look up their respective connections to either show, then guess what they answered. XD

Day 3

The first guest visit of the day was Mela Lee, who starred in Fire Emblem and Fate/Stay Night, the latter of which I started watching lately. Told her that I was starting to like her character Rin, then had her sign the edit I showed Cristina Vee in Vegas, thus completing the Miraculous Ladybug/FE Engage crossover joke.

I then went to the Glitch fans' get-together and met some of the people behind TADC-Encore, including one of my mutuals! @marinette-the-clarinet it was so fun meeting you and your friends, and I still can't get over the fact that I got to interact with the famous life-sized Jax plushie.

I also met the legendary Nolan North! I had him sign a piece related to a deep cut role of his: Resonance of Fate. He's Vashryon, the guy in the leather jacket below. He expressed pleasant surprise over my knowledge of the game, then we talked about Deadpool for a bit. He wants to do an animated Deadpool series.

Stage two of the day was bringing my brother to see two actresses from one of his favorite shows as of late: Demon Slayer. Kira Buckland (Mitsuri) was up first. I gave her bracelets referencing Jolyne, 2B, and Heart Aino and complimented her on her devoted performance of the former, quoting a YouTube comment saying that she "understood the assignment". My brother then explained his own love for Demon Slayer, I complimented her range being on full display in Danganronpa with her two characters, and we took a picture.

Here comes the fun part: We then got a picture with Abby Trott (Nezuko) for free! I gave her a Momo bracelet and talked about DanDaDan and her performance of the Smash Ultimate theme, then my brother talked with Abby about Demon Slayer.

For the rest of the day, I went shopping and bought myself three plushies: An official Gummigoo plush, as well as the cat plushes of Charlie and Vaggie from Hazbin.

Day 4

The only thing on the agenda was meeting Chris Sabat, the voice of Vegeta, Piccolo, and All Might. I got his autograph on a print featuring the latter for my brother, who's also a fan of My Hero Academia. In the meantime, I gave Chris a Vegeta bracelet as well as a little note referencing both Vegeta and Garland (Final Fantasy). I also told him that I've been following Dragon Ball for ten years now, and shared my favorite Vegeta lines. "I shaved my moo-stache, idiot!" "Sure, let's go see Yamcha." XD

So yeah, another success in the books! And a special thanks to @justtheclippy for being such a delight and for appreciating my gifts! This isn't the end of the fun for me yet, though. hehehe

#momocon #sonic the hedgehog #persona 4 #tadc #tadc encore #colleen o’shaughnessey #jason griffith #johnny yong bosch #amanda hufford #casey mongillo #mela lee #nolan north #kira buckland #abby trott #christopher sabat

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remember-digimon · 1 year ago

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And now, I would like to put my extensive hyperfixation knowledge about astrology to work and tell you how I hc each kid's sun sign.

Please keep in mind, this is just my opinion, and if you hc a different sign for someone, your headcanon is still valid 😁 this is just my dumb interpretation.

If you have any thoughts, please feel free to let me know in the replies! ❤️

(Click to view the post! It's a long one lol I didn't want to destroy everyone's dash 😅)

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Starting off with Tai.

Obviously he's a fire sign. There's no way he isn't a fire sign. So that's Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius. Aries is brash and rambunctious. Leo loves the spotlight. Sagittarius is untamed and full of wanderlust. To me, there's no way Tai *isn't* an Aries.

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, so this sign doesn't have the 'experience' the other signs have. But they make up for that by charging into things, eager to experience new things, and to prove themselves. Aries is ruled by Mars, and in a better aspect than Scorpio. Aries is Mars being projected outwards, Scorpio is Mars projected inwards. (Spoiler alert: more on this when I get to Matt.)

Tai is impulsive and wants to take action. He is Mars in motion, taking action, full throttle forward movement. As the beginning of the zodiac cycle, Aries urges us to move forward, just like how Tai urges the group to move forward.

His career as a diplomat might not seem fitting to an Aries, who are known to be hot-headed in some instances, but I think it works out because he's blazing a new trail.

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Next, Sora.

Since she is the mom friend, my first instinct for her is Cancer, ruled by the moon, a very motherly-love sign. Cancer is a water sign, which is at odds with her Digimon being fire-based, but I don't think their Digimon necessarily have to match up with the element of their sign.

Anyway, Cancer being a water sign means emotions. Especially for a water sign ruled by the moon, which pulls the tide. Cancers need to be needed. They want to take care of their loved ones. Being ruled by the moon, a Cancerian could be prone to mood swings as the moon changes phases so often.

Sora wants everyone to be happy and to get along. More than once she has an inner monologue where she is concerned about everyone's mood; most notably after Tai and Matt's big fight during the early part of the Dark Masters arc. She notices that everyone is tired and cranky and just generally beat down. It's very Cancerian for her to notice the mood of the group and worry about them.

Her career as a kimono designer makes sense because she was lead into appreciating traditional Japanese culture by her mother. It's also a creative career which is a good avenue for a water sign.

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Next, Matt.

*points at him* SCORPIO

I have never been so sure of a fictional character's sign in my LIFE. And I'm not just saying this because I'm also a Scorpio 😅

Scorpio is ruled classically by Mars, and Pluto in the modern era. This sign is all about passion, intensity, secrets and mystery, and jealousy. Matt feels things so intensely that he can't help but blow up on Tai; the majority of their fights happen because Matt can't control his emotions very well. Granted, he's 11, so it's just a life skill he hasn't learned yet. By the time 02 happens he's much more in control of himself.

As mentioned above, Aries and Scorpio are both ruled by Mars. In Aries, it's outward, and in Scorpio it's inward. This means that Tai puts that Mars energy (passion, action, driving force, etc) forward while Matt keeps it bottled up. I think this is why they tend to argue so much, and also why they get along a lot better when they're older and more mature.

In any case, Matt has a lot of strong emotions that he has trouble showing, he is great at intuitively reading people, he hides his true self behind a cool personality that he developed as a coping mechanism. This all screams Scorpio to me.

For his career as an astronaut/aerospace engineer, he's exploring an unknown, which Scorpio craves. They want to know every secret. Even those in the scientific community.

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Next, Izzy.

I'm gonna say Aquarius. Ruled by Uranus, the planet of sudden change, breakthroughs, innovation, and cutting-edge technology. It's also an air sign, which governs communication, thought, change, and the mind.

Personality wise, I've always thought Aquarians of being nice enough, but a little hesitant in revealing their true self. Unlike Scorpio, who hides out of self-preservation, Aquarius does it because they don't want to dump their theory of the universe or whatever on some poor soul who wasn't interested.

An Aquarius will be a deep thinker, if not abnormally intelligent for their age, and they might feel separated from their peers because of this. I think this applies to Izzy; he is very smart, specifically because of how he thinks and approaches problems. He doesn't just magically know the answer; he isn't above collaboration to get to the bottom of something. In fact, he spends a good part of 01 looking for Gennai because Izzy knows he knows a lot more than him about the Digital World.

Outside of just being smart, though, Aquarius is also about revolution, ushering in change, and doing what's best for the group. They're progressive, but also independent. They have the majority in mind, but also maintain their own perspective. Sounds like Izzy to me. This all adds up with his career in computer science, too.

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Next, Joe.

Capricorn. This is an earth sign ruled by Saturn, the planet of responsibility and duty. Earth signs have a 'slower' energy than the other elements, and can be well-grounded or stubborn. Capricorn specifically is the sign of 'work smarter not harder' and accomplishing goals.

Joe's work ethic is shown in his studies. When the kids go back home mid-season, he goes to take a practice test. When he fails it, he's worried for a moment, then resolves to study harder and do better.

It's also reflected in his behavior in the Digital World; he readily takes on responsibility, like when he climbed the mountain on his own just to resolve an argument between Tai and Matt.

As a doctor, Joe had to put in a lot of hard work without immediate payoff. This is something that Capricorn thrives under.

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Next, Mimi.

For awhile, I had a hard time deciding between Taurus and Virgo for Mimi. Since they're both earth signs, I looked to their planets; Mercury for Virgo (communication, thought, travel) and Venus for Taurus (beauty, comfort, aesthetic). So basically I've decided on Taurus lol

Taurians are stubborn. They also like good food, nice things, comfy spaces, and they LOVE being at home. They'll make a little nest for themselves to get cozy in just about anywhere. They can also be bossy.

Sounds like Mimi, huh? She is stubborn, and she's the one most often complaining about wanting to eat or stop for a rest or wanting to go home. She straight up sobs with joy when they get back to Japan. She also puts a lot of effort into her aesthetic, not because she cares what other people think, but because it's important to her to look nice. Looking nice makes her feel nice.

She goes into cooking as a profession. In the original Japanese she's a nutritionist, while in the dub she hosts a cooking show. If there's one thing a Taurus loves, it's food, so it makes sense that she would pursue a career focused on cooking.

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Next, TK.

I'm just gonna say Pisces. Water sign ruled by Neptune. Pisces is the last sign of the zodiac, and therefore has the 'experience' of every other sign. But they do have their own issues.

Being ruled by Neptune, they're liable to fall into daydreaming. In fact, if I could describe Pisces in one word it would be 'dreamy'; not in the 'good looking' kind of way, but 'head in the clouds' kind of way. Pisceans rarely get mad, but when they do it can be scary. They're almost calm when they're really mad.

TK has a vivid imagination and gets along with just about everyone. He also has a child-like outlook, even when grown up. The one time he got REALLY, ACTUALLY mad was when he confronted Ken as the Digimon Emperor, and we all know how that went. His career as a novelist also fits a Pisces.

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Next, Kari.

I'm going with Libra. Libra is an air sign ruled by Venus. They are diplomatic, fair, and generally pacifists. They want to get along with everyone and be everyone's friend lol. They're also very charming.

Kari is a sweet kid, and while I don't remember a lot from 02 (I still need to do a rewatch) I do recall Kari being very patient with the new DigiDestined, and very kind to them.

Libras also can suffer from indecisiveness, much in the same way Gemini does. They want to weigh out each option carefully before proceeding.

As a teacher, particularly a kindergarten/primary school teacher, being a Libra would help Kari with looking after a bunch of little kids.

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Next, Davis.

Leo! Center of attention, lover of the spotlight. Leo is a fire sign ruled by the sun. Just like how staring at the sun can make you go blind, overexposure to a Leo will make you exhausted. They're full of energy, love to be the one everyone's talking about, and constantly need their ego boosted.

Davis kind of fell into the same trap as Tai back in the day (and maybe nowadays, too) where fans like to portray him as stupid. Neither Tai nor Davis is stupid. Tai just doesn't have much inhibition and Davis wants to look cool. If rushing into danger will make him look cool, he'll do it. If being the best at soccer will make him look cool, he'll play as hard as possible. When something happens to him that makes him look not so cool, it's a big blow to his ego and he can get bummed out really easily.

Leos are show-offs, but they have the talent to show off in the first place. They take great pride in being the best they can be at something. They're confident and very generous.

As a ramen chef, Davis wants to be the BEST ramen chef. He wants to make something of himself, and also provide something amazing for other people.

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Next, Cody.

Capricorn. As stated above with Joe, Capricorns are earth signs ruled by Saturn. It would be strange for everyone in such a large group to have different sun signs, and it just makes sense to me for Cody to also be a Capricorn.

Cody is a diligent worker, level-headed, and very responsible and respectful. Where Joe channels his Capricorn sun into being the 'grown-up' and becoming a doctor, Cody's motives are to make his family proud of him. This loyalty to family is pretty common in earth signs.

With a job as a defense attorney, Cody would also need to study hard and attend college past a bachelor's degree. This shows his diligence and work ethic.

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Next, Yolei.

Gemini. An air sign ruled by Mercury. Mercury moves fast around the sun, and it goes retrograde a lot (meaning it appears to move backwards in the sky and causes setbacks in its dominion of travel, contracts, and communication). This can make a Gemini sun to appear scatterbrained.

Yolei is full of enthusiasm and is desperate to be seen as an individual thanks to her large family. Geminis don't like to be left alone, as the sign of the twins, so she needs someone alongside her to bounce her wild ideas off of. Geminis can also be judgemental, but they change their mind very quickly.

Geminis are also known to be very talkative. They might ramble when they're nervous.

As a stay-at-home mom, she likely enjoys the rowdiness of raising three kids. Though once they get older and can start chatting and asking questions, like kids do, she would get pretty tired.

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Finally, Ken.

I'm gonna put Ken down as a Scorpio, also. A water sign ruled by Mars and Pluto.

The difference between Matt and Ken as Scorpios, in my opinion, is that Matt is more of a Mars Scorpio (passionate, intense, driven) while Ken is more of a Pluto Scorpio (secretive, magnetic, elusive).

As the Digimon Emperor, Ken is just about everything bad about Scorpio. Manipulative, ill-tempered, and withdrawn. Once he gets over that, he still keeps to himself a lot and doesn't like to show what he's really feeling.

A detective is a classic job recommendation for a Scorpio. We like to get to the bottom of every secret.

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