#discourse and extremely out of touch takes aside

[incorrect-httyd]

Bruh politics side of tumblr is actually insane

[plaexus]

https://www.tumblr.com/plaexus/782333836281397248/i-know-that-if-you-werent-in-med-school-you?source=share anon i hope you don't get offended but nsfw content has been a reality in fandom since the creation of time. Morality of rps aside, it's simply part of human nature to have outlets. It just so happens that k-pop is literally wired to fester this kind of consumption; it feeds to parasocialism, projection or simply just tickles something in people's minds to create scenarios. The morality of what can be considered "okay" nsfw work has been debated up and down in all kinds of forums everywhere, and there's no end in sight I fear.

GP has been around for a bit now, it's not a new thing and not restrained to k-pop. The discourse around this particular preference has been talked about for so long; it actually hurts to think about because it just brings lesphobia, biphobia AND transphobia to the forefront. Be careful of what you call "shameful".

People write and draw as outlets, to process trauma, to relieve memories and or simply have kinks. I remember reading a thread on tumblr with another fandom: an author posted a r*pefic to process what they went through in their youth. Another post that stuck with me during the rise of GP years ago was a transwoman writing gp fiction as a way to express her diaspora during her transition, and that work is still in my bookmarks to this day. Again, I reiterate: Be careful of what you call "shameful".

So long as said kinks are done in proper spaces (ex. Left as a written work and not done upon actual people) + by adults and not minors!! Even the most debased 50k fiction is generally harmless.

Now, nsfw RPF is another ballpark but in general, it's an unspoken rule to at the very least not let it get to the said subjects. But let's focus on AO3: AO3/wattpad in general isn't high up upon a typical kpop idols' radar. Yes, they know it exists, but this site is still a drop in the ocean compared to much much more accessible sites like Naver or Twitter, if that's what your worry is from. The chances of idols seeing deepfakes of them with tens of thousands of views is alarmingly higher than them going through a 10k word fanfiction of getting railed by their bandmate.

I agree with plaexus' general shortlist of RPF practices though, people just have to be mindful of what, where and who they post for. What is not okay is welcoming minors into +18 plus communities. Another thing that is not okay is the witchhunting happening on both sides of the fighting going on now. The people who produce nsfw content put up barriers for a reason, there's literally no reason to bang on their doors to demand accountability if they're obviously trying hard make sure that what they talk about is firmly behind locked doors and not accessible to the aes-girls.

This got long haha so I'll end it here: https://x.com/h4bb4ngz/status/1917415425316425743?t=-R0imlZpJ_1Flcn5AbO2ng&s=19 I'd like to share this from a fic author I follow, this has been a really great take on RPF, from the viewpoint of a gg fanwork creator. I hope this gets around more, a lot of the essences of RPF has been touched upon here!

this is a splendid discussion and i agree with all your points. i've read loads of fics with what could be considered as triggering even dead dove content, to find out by the author's note that the author used it to process their own trauma and other hardships. isn't that one of the greater powers of art? obviously, we don't know what the authors of these g!p / abo verse, etc. fics and nsfw artists are drawing from. but as you said, there's no point crucifying these creators over their art when they're sharing it for the consumption of a specific audience and are not making it extremely accessible / locatable by the subjects / inspirations of their art and are not doing what they write / draw about onto actual people. of course, i recognise that words / art hold a lot of power and can cause actual harm, but i think it's also part of the audience's responsibility to know their limits and define their boundaries

also writing this to the anons questioning whether i support so and so for what they write and what they've said in the past. for me personally, i am able to sharply delineate what is real from what is fiction. i'm morally against a lot of the concepts tackled in rated works, but i'm not against them existing in those forms because i know they're fiction. i can consume something with dicey, triggering, morally-bankrupt themes and read other people talk about it and react to it because it's fiction and i'm not going to suddenly be brainwashed and act on what i read. i don't like a lot of things i encounter in rps / rpf spaces, but so long as they're kept there (and hopefully properly tagged with warnings so minors can't see them), i'm not clamoring for their censorship, again because i know they're not real. deepfakes are a whole other issue and i think all deepfakers should d!e. but anyway, i'm very much pro-self-initiated content moderation using the tools at our disposal. if you don't like something, mute or block or filter or scroll down, so you don't see them. if those are not enough and you still feel unsafe, maybe you shouldn't be a user in that space you're in. and yes, we have to be especially careful and discerning, considering we deal with real people in our shipping. do what you must to protect your peace and your mental health, but persecuting people is neither productive nor healthy. keep minors out of 18+ communities, properly label your accounts, just be responsible online

the witch hunts and infighting and constant discourse about what is "morally upright" within aespa rps spaces -- coupled with fic writers hiding / deleting their works because of rampant ai, plagiarism, etc -- are legitimately so concerning. again, i'm reminded of what happened to loona rps / ficdom and i dread thinking that could happen to aespa rps, especially now that the community is growing exponentially along with fanworks. let's just all be mindful, respectful, and responsible

and yes! i anticipated h4bb4ngz's essay as soon as she said she was writing it, and i read it practically the moment she released it. it's a wonderful, insightful read, and it's especially pertinent for jmjers. there's still a lot that can and should be discussed regarding gg rps and i too am surprised it took this long for someone to write about it, but yes it should be mandatory reading for all of us

[suitablysolemn]

which is to say like. obviously i dont owe anyone an explanation for who or what i am. i dont have to defend my life choices to strangers on the internet. i really don't care what other people think of me that much and debating over the technicalities is not worth my time. again, maybe thats a privileged thing to say--im in a position where i dont HAVE to defend my reasons for calling myself whatever i do. im in a position where i dont HAVE to care what other people are saying about me or the types of people i identify with. i'm not, like, being called a pedo and a pervert like trans women are, for example (not that im incredibly public about my gender identity in the first place, which probably helps me stay unassociated with, like, Negative Stereotypes(tm)).

but aside from my own personal opinion and my own takes on my identity and online experience.....man. the discourse i see, on the odd chance it is on my feed???? man ive just been down a deranged rabbit hole. literally nothing matters this much. it's not that deep. it's going to sound patronizing but i'm going to say it anyway: go talk to some real people. go "touch grass," as it were. i'm keeping this vague to avoid like Revealing Identities or anything like that but i cannot fathom either having such an extreme opinion about something OR feeling the need to personally attack someone because of having said opinion. and again maybe thats a privileged thing to say, i dont have to have extreme opinions because i havent been, like, harassed or abused because of my gender identity or my Trans Experience. i havent been driven to such extremes, i guess. im sure those people didnt arrive at said opinions by choice. we're marginalized people. im sure they were backed into a corner where there was nothing left to do but defend themselves or be squashed completely.

but it's just so, like. you dont have to Say That. i don't know. im trying not to be a complete asshole about this (i accept that i am a little bit of an asshole) and my memory of the specifics is already gone due to memory problems but just like.....i don't know, man. the internet has made it so easy to harass people and so easy for every little tiny opinion that's shared to be brought to the public eye, and scrutinized, and people are going to take advantage of that, both for good and bad purposes. i cant say things like "no one cares" or "no one is affected by that" because it's obviously untrue--SOMEONE had to be affected by it for the opinion to surface in the first place, and it circulated because it resonated with many other people. but the like. i don't know. the getting down to brass tacks of it all. love each other, okay? sometimes people are going to make general statements about certain identities that may not specifically apply to you but you don't have to be a jerk about it either. sometimes u just gotta let shit go. (and sometimes you DONT have to just let it go--if cis people are saying making general statements about how "all trans women are predators" you DONT have to just sit there and take that--but i'm talking about people within our community, people who use the same labels, nitpicking others' statements because there's something they slightly disagree with. with love, it's not that deep.

tl;dr i'm glad i deliberately curate an online space with as little discourse as possible for myself because i would be both out of my mind and absolutely miserable if i spent half as much time dealing with deranged takes as i see some other people doing.

this is probably a privileged ass thing to say but holy shit i am so glad i dont go to discourse. it crosses my dash once in a blue moon but i try to keep it out of my life whenever possible, and whenever it DOES show up, i remember that i do that with good fucking reason. because holy shit.

[vibraniumwing]

only girl in the world.

a sam wilson x fem!reader wherein the reader cleans the apartment due to jealousy.

WARNING: NSFW (18+, minors DNI. ), praise kink, oral stimulation (f receiving), fingering, vaginal penetration (wrap it before you tap it lovelies), light choking, swearing, the setting is set somewhere in between AoU and CACW so like around the time in Ant-Man ?? also slight au ( i think )

A/N: so this is for @anchoeritic's 3k writing challenge! seeing that she’s a fellow sam wilson simp, i chose him for this fic (and we are seriously lacking in sam wilson content i hate this) and because it’s sam’s birthday we’re gonna celebrate >:)))) icb he’s an aries though. uGh

prompt/scenario: character A catching character B singing

word count: 3.7k

---

Dating a superhero meant there was a lot of restrictions; cuddles and movie dates with them are fleeting moments since you never know when they would get a call about a grape-headed alien terrorizing the planet and you couldn’t flaunt them as much as you wanted to because your safety would be greatly affected if their arch nemesis finds out about your existence.

But regardless of it all, you were thankful because Sam never made you feel less of what you really are to him. A lot of your friends who know about your relationship with The Falcon were envious about how mature the both of you are, managing to balance both of your work lives and your personal ones at home; none of them really knowing how immature the both of you are behind closed doors.

Making this another reason why you loved the privacy being hidden from the public eye; you felt like you were in your own coming-of-age, rom-com movie with Sam with all the hidden rendezvous at The Washington Mall at midnight and drive around the empty streets of the city just until the crack of dawn or just stay at home and cook countless of meals, teaching each other recipes from both sides of your families

It was the relationship anyone could have ever dreamed of.

---

“You’re not making this any easier for me, baby girl.” Sam said, sighing inwardly as he stuffed his duffel. He was going over to New York for a few days, probably on another mission with the Avengers (or training with them) and you weren’t having any of it; wanting nothing more than to have him home and with you for a few more days一 possibly forever if that was even possible.

You groaned softly at his response, sitting on the bed with your knees hugged to your chest as you watch him ready his things for yet another mission. “Then don’t go” You simply told him, face holding the same sad expression as your lower lip was jutted out in a small pout as you looked away, not waiting to tear up once again; him leaving for missions was always the hardest.

A chuckle left his lips, setting the suitcase down on the carpeted floor of your shared room before claiming his spot next to you; the dip of the bed from his weight caused you to look at him. “You know I wouldn’t dare to leave if I had the chance to, right?” He asked, his scooting closer to you and pressed a kiss to your shoulder. “But I always come back, right? Because you’re my home.”

You relaxed under his touch, stretching your legs unto the bed and wrapped your arms around his muscular frame, hugging him close to you in fear that he might disappear all of a sudden. “I know, but do you really have to go?” You murmur, hiding your face against his neck, the way your breath falls on his skin causes goosebumps to rise on his own.

“I have to, they need me, sweets.” He explains, wrapping his arms around your own frame and squeezes gently, enough to convey that he’ll be fine; that he’ll be safe and unharmed after all of the fighting he has due.

“I’ll be back in no time.” His reassurance made you sigh inwardly, knowing that you can’t convince him otherwise. Sam was always just like that, once something is set on his mind on something, he won’t stop until he gets it done. He rarely second guesses what he wants and he does, you’re the person he talks to.

You didn’t speak anymore, opting to let the warmth from his body consume you and lull you into sleep, his hand tracing small shapes into your back as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Go to sleep, baby. I love you.”

---

The sunlight that peeked in through the sheer fabric of the curtains was enough to wake you up, reaching over to Sam’s side, expecting to feel him there but instead you were greeted with the sound of paper crumpling from the side of your hand. Stirring awake, you sat up and grabbed the note that was folded neatly.

“I’ll be back soon, baby girl. Don’t miss me too much, I love you.” You read outloud, adoring how neat his handwriting was, hugging the paper to your chest before whispering, “I love you too” before placing the note by your bedside table, rolling out of bed to get on with your day when your phone dinged. Looking at the lit up screen, you smiled at the message from Sam.

[ from: birdman lover ]

- It hasn’t even been a day and I already miss you.

- This’ll be a long week.

- Have a great day though.

- I love you.

---

- Steve’s still clueless on how phones work but he’s getting there. He “greets you a hello”.

The rest of the week was your normal routine, aside from the occasional texts and calls you would get from Sam whenever he had the chance to check his phone; telling you how much he missed you and sharing stories of what’s going on inside the compound. It was like he never left, the only difference being he wasn’t physically there to give you the affection.

Saturday morning soon rolled around and you were bouncing off the walls excited that you had to wait just one more day before Sam could come back home; come back to you. You practically bounced off the walls as you did all your errands一 mainly you getting your car cleaned and your weekly Target run一 and your day was all rainbows and sunshines.

Until it wasn’t. You were scrolling through your Instagram when you saw a picture that made your blood boil immensely. It was a photo of an actress (who was extremely good looking) in the arms of The Falcon. You had to take a few moments in to fully register the fact that the woman had managed to snag a photo with him, “He’s even hotter in person.” You read the caption out loud, eyes rolling in irritation, even replying to some comments from her fanbase, making it seem like they were dating.

You rarely get jealous about anything with Sam, being so secure with your relationship with him but seeing someone who has a platform freely post him made you writhe in your seat about how you should be the one flexing him like that, not her or anyone else.

You opted to call your lover to tell him how you feel but there was this side of you that didn’t want to go through a whole discourse with him through the phone so you went with the better option, cleaning the fuck out of your apartment until your agression washes away.

Plugging your phone to the sound system, you started off with Rihanna’s Only Girl in the World before grabbing the broom from the small closet in your apartment's kitchen, starting to sweep the floor. “You’re a bad bitch, Y/N. Now go clean,” You hyped yourself up in the mirror before strutting back to the living room to sweep your emotions away.

Unbeknownst to you however was the fact that Sam was well on his way home. He got to go back home earlier than expected and he didn’t tell you, wanting to give you a surprise. Jogging up the stairs of your apartment complex, he was practically rushing to make it your door so he can finally kiss you.

Finally finding the keys to your shared apartment, he opened the door and slowly creeped in, expecting to see you seated on the couch but what he saw was something else. He was stunned beyond words to see you clad nothing but his shirt and a messy bun while holding a broom, singing your heart out.

“Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world” you sang out loud, holding onto the broom as if it was a mic while you danced, awkwardly body rolling to the beat. “Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever love, like I’m the only one who knows your heart” You continued, starting to “sweep” the floor again while grooving to the beat of the song, not noticing Sam who was silently watching you.

“Like I’m the only one who’s in command” Your voice blending into the music as you rocked around the room, singing your heart out to the chorus. “Cause I’m the only one who understands how to make you feel like a ma一 Sam!”

You dropped the broom, jumping up in the air as you turned around to see your boyfriend leaning by the wall, watching you with an amused expression while holding his arms out to you. “Are you just gonna stand there or come here and give me a hug?” He questioned, raising up an eyebrow at you.

Wasting no time, you paused the song before making your way over to him and jumped into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist as you hugged him. “How long have you been here? Why are you here already? Shouldn’t you be coming home tomorrow?” Your bombardment with questions made him chuckle, his arms going under your thighs to support your weight, walking towards the couch and settling the both of you on there.

“I wanted to surprise you, baby. We finished a little bit earlier than expected so the moment we got back to the compound I was well on my way home.” He answered, one of his hands retreating from your backside to sneak up and cup your jaw, thumb tracing it gently. His eyes were locked with yours, filled with adoration and love as he continued, “turns out you have a surprise of your own for me. What’s got you cleaning so aggressively?”

You laughed, the anger you had just moments ago melting away as you lean into his touch, “It’s nothing, Sammy. Just me being a little jealous, is all.” You explained, finding it easy to admit your feelings. Your relationship with him was just like that; centered on honesty, understanding, and love. The reason why you’re so assured with him.

“Jealous? What’s got my baby jealous?” His brows were furrowed at the answer, mind trying to remember his actions prior to this conversation to see if he had done anything wrong but came up with nothing. “Did I do something?” He questioned, sitting up a bit as the conversation got more serious.

“I just saw this picture of this you and this actress posted on her instagram and一” you paused, finding it silly now that you’ve even been this jealous about this in the first place. “一I just got jealous that she could post you on their social media so freely. Kind of made me realize that I’m still not existent in the eyes of others; I should be the one posting you like that. Kind of made me realize that I’m not the only girl in the world that wants you.” you finished, not wanting to look into his eyes anymore at the sudden sadness from being hidden.

Normally, you wouldn’t even bat an eye on it but seeing how broken you were, Sam was shattered that you had to go through that thought. “There’s no need to feel ashamed that you got jealous, Y/N.” He said, the hand that was on your jaw now going under your chin to make you look at him again. “I know I insisted that I hide you from the public eye so you can be safe from harm and I’m sorry that because of it makes you feel like this.”

He sighed softly, leaning in to press a chaste kiss against your lips. “But if you’re ready to be introduced to everyone, even to the team, then I’ll be more than glad to show you to the world.” Sam said, his lips just millimeters away from yours, “The only girl I’ll ever love.” He finished, locking his lips with yours.

You swore on the fact that Sam’s lips were made for your own, the pace slow and sensual, enough to relay that he was sticking to his words and that you didn’t need to worry about anything. His plush tiers felt soft against yours, his teeth sinking into your bottom one, nibbling against it softly before swiping his tongue against it.

“Does my angel want me to show her how much she really means to me?” He whispers, pressing one more kiss to your lips before pulling back, locking his gaze with yours, pupils blown with love and adoration clouded with a hint of lust over the thought of seeing you squirm under him.

Given the fact that you were sitting on his lap, you could feel how hard he was under you. “You feel that, darling? You do that to me.” He groans as you shift, the friction causing his dick to twitch inside his tight jeans. “Be a good girl and use your words, baby.”

“Want you, Sam.” You say, mind too aroused and clouded with perverse thoughts due to the lack of touch you had from him this week to make a concise sentence. “Want you to make me feel good, please.” You beg, brows furrowing lightly in need as you watch him study your expression, a small smile forming on his lips as he easily hoists you up, arms gripping your thighs.

“How can I resist such a good girl begging for me to make her feel good?” He questions, gracing your lips with another chaste kiss as he carries you into your shared bedroom, placing you on the bed as he hovers above you. “I’ll make you feel so good tonight, sweets.”

His lips are then on yours again, his lower half grinding on yours a few times to rile you up, making you elicit a few moans that caused him to go overdrive. He grunts, taking in the scandalous sounds you make before sitting back up, taking the shirt off from your body, throwing his head back at the sight of you clad in only your underwear. “You do know how to make me go wild, baby doll.”

You smiled at him, happy that you were able to make him go haywire at just the sight of you not even fully naked. “My clothes never seem to stay on with you around anyways.” You answer, making him chuckle lightly as he started to attack your neck with kisses, nipping at the skin quite harshly making you hiss in pleasurable pain.

“You look better naked” was all he said before taking in one of your breasts, tongue swirling around the hard nub as his hand teased the other, fingers pinching on it lightly making you take a sharp gasp. He did this for a few moments before kissing his way from the valley of your breasts all the way down to the top of your panties.

Sam looked up at you with a devilish grin upon the realization of what lingerie you were wearing, “My angel looks so good.” he praises, taking a moment to admire your already fucked out appearance with lips swollen and hickey littered skin. He was quick to take off your underwear, eyes filled with hunger at the sight of your soaking cunt.

This feeded his ego to no ends, seeing you so needy for him. “I haven’t even touched you yet you’re already so wet for me, baby girl.” he commented, hands caressing your inner thighs teasingly as he took a moment to drink in the sight of you.

The way his rough and slightly calloused hands were in juxtaposition to the smoothness of your skin granted goosebumps to run along your skin, the cold air of the room adding on to your arousal. “Sam, please. Need you.” You begged once more, attempting to close your legs for some needed friction but his sudden grip on it making you think otherwise.

“Almost there, baby. Patience.” He said, bringing two digits to very lightly graze upon your slit before bringing it up to your lips, his thumb tapping your bottom lip, “Open up, sweets. Wanna see you taste yourself first.” He ordered, wanting to see you suck on his fingers.

Wanting nothing more than his touch, you easily obliged and took his fingers in without him prying them open. Your eyes were locked with his as you sucked on it, setting a blaze inside his eyes that you haven’t seen before, that lone making your stomach twist in knots.

As soon as Sam was satisfied at how wet you made his fingers, he finally gave your throbbing pussy the attention it yearned for. Inserting the two digits inside of you with ease as he slowly started to pump it in and out of your heat while his thumb rubbed circles on your sensitive bundle of nerves.

You were a moaning mess under his touch, back arching at the slightest touch he would do to your clit. You were overwhelmed with the pleasure he was providing you. “F-fuck!” You breathlessly moan, hips bucking up as you wanted more of his touch.

Sam then leaned, tongue lapping up your sweet juices as he sucked on your aching clit, the gentle suckling was sinful to your ears. He moaned at the taste of you, its vibrations against you making you whine at the contact. He curled his fingers inside you, easily finding your sweet spot upon seeing how you writhed under his touch.

With Sam’s tongue abusing your clit to no end and his digits mercilessly pumping in and out of you, the tension was all too much to handle that the knot that was in your stomach finally broke. “Go on, baby. Come for me, why don’t you.” He said, feeling how your walls were clamping up around him. The euphoria that followed made your legs tremble as you reached your high, shamelessly moaning Sam’s name mixed with profanities as he continued to finger you through your orgasm.

“Such a good girl for me” Was his words, rising up from his position. You watched as he licked up every last drop of your cum off his fingers, rolling off the bed to rid himself off from his own clothes, your mouth practically watering at the sight of his rock hard length that sprung out from the tight confinements of his boxers.

You were gonna reach out to feel him when he stopped you, “No, baby. Tonight, it’s all about you, remember?” he said, stroking his length a few times, thumb circling around his tip that was glistening with pre-cum as he got back on the bed, positioning himself on top of you. “You ready?”

“Y-yes, Sam.” and upon hearing your answer, he eased into you. Both moaning at the longing of feeling each other intimately. No matter how many times the two of you would fuck, you still couldn’t get used to his size. He filled you up quite easily, his hips meeting yours as he filled you in deep.

Ever the gentleman, he waited for you to give the signal that you were ready and upon your nod, he started to move slowly, wanting to ease you into the pace.. Sam’s groans were music to your ear, “So fucking tight, angel.” He said, one of his hands reaching up to wrap around your neck, pressing against its sides lightly.

“F-faster, Sam. Please” You said and he complied, like your words were pressed a switch in him, he started to relentlessly slam into you, fucking you into the bed and into oblivion. His other hand was on the headboard, palm spread out to gain some support, the bed shaking violently as he continued.

“Let me hear those moans, angel. Let everyone know who you belong to.” Sam said, the hold around your neck tightening slightly, wanting to see you slowly gasp out for air as you let out those heavenly yet sinful sounds, “Who do you belong to, baby?”

“Y-You, Sam!” You answer, feeling your body writhe as another orgasm was already brewing at the pit of your stomach. “F-fuck, I-i’m yours!” You continued, eyes practically rolling to the back at the immense amount of pleasure you got from him drilling you into the mattress.

With those words that left your lips, he started to pound to you even rougher, not caring if the neighbouring apartments heard your cries of pleasure or the squeaking of the bed. You were his and it was his very intention to let everyone know that. “That’s right, doll. You belong to me.” he said, his eyes on your fucked out face. “Mine to fuck and mine to love.”

Feeling the knot in your stomach about to burst, your hands were gripping the bed sheets as you cried out in pleasure, “I’m gonna cum!” body unable to handle the amount of pleasure being handed to you as Sam continued to fuck you out, riding out your high until his own climax hit with one final slam, moaning as he filled you up with his own cum.

Pulling out slowly, Sam took the time to admire his own cum mixed with your drip down from your cunt, a feeling of satisfaction spread through his chest at the sight of you. He leaned in to kiss you once again, this time it was soft and just filled with love, hand running along your sides gently, “Such a good girl for me.” he whispered, pressing one last kiss before he stood up and walked over to the bathroom.

You attempted to follow him, but ultimately failed as your legs were shaking too much from your recent orgasm. You could hear Sam chuckle as he re-emerged from the other room, a wet washcloth in his hand as he approached you. “Let me take care of it, alright princess?” He said softly.

He then started to clean you up, making sure to whisper soft praises about how you took him so well and of how you were so good for him. The moment he was done, he mindlessly threw the cloth into the hamper, collapsing on the bed and took you in his arms, eager to cuddle you. Sam pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, “I love you, Y/N. You’re the only girl I’ll ever love.”

You hummed softly, making yourself comfortable in his arms, reaching up to steal a kiss from him, “I love you too, Sammy. I’ll always love you.”

---

TAGLIST: @harrysweasleys @selenasprompts @weasleytwins-41 @anchoeritic @darthwheezely (hello fellow the falcon simp)

if your name is in bold, it means that i can't tag you for some weird reason. join my taglist! find the link in my main masterlist!

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

sorry to ramble. i just need to say this. the zero to one hundred from fandom with jensen gives me whiplash. i’m not defending. it was an uncomfortable dean “joke” and shouldn’t be excused, but it seemed to suddenly erase his trans positivity and saying “whatever gender identity, it wouldn’t affect jack’s role on the show.” (as a nb person, i didn’t expect it and was touched.) news flash: our faves fuck up. they’re not perfect. they can say shitty things without being evil people who deserve to be vilified for sticking their foot in their mouth. i’m more of a misha supporter. i’ve seen how misha fucks up (even more than jensen because he’s just more vocal about things) and has bad takes, but i’m not at his throat for it. they don’t need me to go to war for them, but cancel culture rots this fandom from the inside out all the time. also, the jack comment aside, fandom cherry picks when jensen is their friend or foe too often. he has to be 100% finale-negative, he has to be explicitly destiel-positive, he has to say dean is bi. things aren’t that black and white, and there are so many hurdles he jumps we don’t even see. his opinions are validly his and they shouldn’t even matter. we don’t need him to validate us. a lot of times, actors can only do so much. just think before jumping at people’s throats is all i ask. again, the jack comment is valid to be upset about, but the extreme aggression and cherry picking aren’t healthy.

yeah. there's a modicum of conversation that can be had about why this was problematic (and validly so, it was!) but to immediately jump to "we burn jackles at the stake at dawn" to me is Much too Much; and to also do so while ignoring what he did say in that same answer, and the other things that he said in the panel is what my main beef (or meat pie) is with the entire discourse.

[cartoonsbyandie]

Discourse: Is Eri in fact a worse parent than Kogoro?

I have a bunch of thoughts on this oh lordy. Disclaimer that despite shipping Kogoro (I'll use sub names this time) with other people (namely Ginzo) I do like Eri and I find their relationship really interesting, although I haven't seen even half of the episodes Eri is featured in so I'm sure there's a lot of details I'm missing, feel free to correct me on any of this.

I feel like the show tends to treat Eri and Kogoro like they would get back together, if it wasn't for Kogoro screwing up at every turn. Like Kogoro is/was the problem and Eri is perfect, cooking aside. She is established as extremely smart (she's teamed up with Conan for deductions on multiple occasions) and seems like she's good to Ran. Like they go shopping together, seem to have nice talks, the only time there's really tension is when Kogoro comes up.

And it really forces you to wonder why Ran doesn't live with her full time. She has a better/more stable job, clearly has a nice place (I'm pretty sure Ran has stayed over before, at least in Movie 2), and doesn't have Kogoro's problems of being a drunk and a chain-smoker, among his many other issues. Even if you assume Kogoro was a better person back when they first separated, he still had just resigned from the police so he wouldn't be investigated for shooting a hostage, which could've come out in a custody battle. Honestly Eva is one of the best lawyers ever right? If she wanted full custody at any point I'm sure she could get it.

The two options that make sense to me are either that Eri didn't/doesn't want custody, or Ran didn't/doesn't. And that very well could've changed or flipped over time, I've seen theories that Ran is staying with Kogoro just out of a sense of responsibility, that she has to take care of him. That sort-of makes sense now, but Ran was six when they separated, I don't think she'd think that way then.

I'm willing to bet that Ran was closer to Kogoro than Eri. Kogoro is extremely emotional and Eri is extremely not. And those traits can be good and bad, but Kogoro was probably more fun. (I think there's a chapter where it shows he let Ran ride around in his squad car while he was on the job. Meanwhile Shinichi's standout memory of Eri is him and Ran being scolded by her, so it seems like she was the strict and responsible one to Kogoro's dumbassery.) So maybe if Eri saw that Ran was closer to Kogoro, she'd come to the conclusion that he should have custody. (I have no idea what their custody arrangement even is, it feels like her and Ran just meet up whenever they have time, and not on like a set schedule.)

That's just speculation though. Maybe Eri wanted to focus on her career or something, but it does seem like she loves Ran. And while Kogoro isn't a good parent, he is the one that stayed. She did decide not to be a part of her life, at least not nearly as big a part as Kogoro, so I think whether you consider her to be a good or bad parent depends on how you view that decision. As Kogoro driving things to the breaking point and giving Eri no choice, or as Eri being selfish and choosing her own happiness over Ran's. Or both.

(Sidenote that Kogoro did manage to be a single dad for ten years while apparently just being self-employed. Crap detective but apparently good enough to keep the lights on. Doesn't outweigh that he's a drunk that punches kids and keeps trying to flirt with college-age women but y'know, it's something. And yes I will take a chance to plug Known Associates because that touches on their issues in a really neat way and also it's just very very good if you like thinking about Kogoro in general.)

[echo-hiraeth]

The Depiction of Women in Frankenstein: Mary Shelley as a Staple of Social Commentary

A/n: As promised, my final piece of uni writing! This landed me a 13.75/20, which means that it is fairly-well substantiated and a valid piece of literary analysis. The main point of critique was that I didn't interact or go into discourse enough with existing sources. Otherwise my essay was deemed "quite inspirational". So instead of uwu fanfiction I'd like to present you this more scientific and academic (maybe even boring) side of myself. Do enjoy!

P.s. My dm's are always open should anyone be interested in going into this a little bit more or should anyone have any questions.

The Depiction of Women in Frankenstein: Mary Shelley as a Staple of Social Commentary

Daughter of two vociferous literary revolutionaries and wife to a renowned poet and activist, societal expectations for Mary Shelley and her work were always set high. Her publication of Frankenstein was nothing short of successful and pivotal in that “Shelley invented modern science fiction” (Sturgis 59). Though the novel was initially presented and perceived as a “ghost story” (Shelley 7) there appeared to be an underlying tone of social commentary present. This, however, is not surprising, as Mary’s mother, Wollstonecraft, was an avid advocate for women’s rights and gender equality. It becomes apparent through the characterisation of women within the text that Shelley seeks to denounce the idealisation of uneducated, objectified and submissive women. In doing this she presented herself, akin to her mother, as an activist for women and their rights.

In this essay I will argue that Shelley condemns the view of women as submissive, passive creatures through the male protagonists’ descriptions of women. I will do this by analysing the stark contrast in depiction and characterisation of several women within the text, through the male protagonists’ eyes. To achieve this, I will primarily focus on three female characters, namely Elizabeth Lavenza, Safie and the female creature. I chose these personalities specifically because they each represent different values and types of women. In addition to this, I will also be touching on Mary Wollstonecraft’s call to the education of women as addressed in her A Vindication of the Rights of Woman. This because Shelley herself plays around with the same ideas and concepts. In doing so I will bring forward Shelley’s own advocation for the education and emancipation of women.

Before I start analysing Shelley’s work I want to introduce Mary Wollstonecraft’s A Vindication of the Rights of Woman. In her work, which was “the first book on women’s rights published anywhere in the world” (Botting 296), Wollstonecraft called for the education of women as she believed that “if woman isn’t fitted by education to become man’s compassion, she will stop the progress of knowledge” (2). She furthermore argues that education was crucial in women’s understanding so they wouldn’t revolt or rebel against their “duty” (Wollstonecraft 2). On top of this, she condemns the sensibilization of women, stating that “their conduct is unstable because they feel when they should reason: and their opinions are wavering because of contradictory emotions” (Wollstonecraft 42). Here we see that Wollstonecraft disapproves of the emotionalism of women and how she wants to step away from the stereotypical depiction of woman as a sentimental creature. In her work she ultimately claims that due to the lack of reason and plethora of sensation, women are considered to be weak and “fragile in every sense of the word” she also adds that they are therefore “obliged to look up to man for every comfort” (Wollstonecraft 42). This then implies that the emancipation of women is achieved through education and reason.

Continuing on, I would like to shift my focus to Shelley’s novel and its female characters. As stated before, I will be analysing the three figures of Elizabeth, Safie and the female creature. In this part of my essay I will concentrate on Elizabeth Lavenza specifically. I will be analysing her characterisation and portrayal through the eyes of Victor, the main narrator in the book. In the novel, we are introduced to Elizabeth through Victor who describes that she, as a “sweet orphan” (Shelley 35) was taken in by his parents. From the very start she is presented as some sort of object, Frankenstein’s mother even referring to her as “a pretty present for [her] Victor” (Shelley 35). He seems to consolidate this sentiment, describing Elizabeth as “[his]” (Shelley 36), the possessive pronoun reaffirming the objectification. Aside from being seen as a possession, we see that after mother Frankenstein passes away, Elizabeth is appointed the new matriarch of the house. This is especially shown here: “She devoted herself to those whom she had been taught to call her uncle and cousins” (Shelley 44). Here Elizabeth is presented as the nurturing, parental figure and even further along in the story we see that she often intervenes as a nurse or caretaker: “how often have I regretted not being able to perform it myself! I figure to myself that the task of attending on your sick bed has devolved on some mercenary old nurse, who could never guess your wishes, nor minister to them with the care and affection of your poor cousin” (Shelley 64). Examples such as these reinforce the portrayal of the compassionate, caring woman. In terms of her personality, we soon learn that Elizabeth is a very emotional and sensitive woman. A good example would be her reaction to the death of William: “She fainted, and was restored with extreme difficulty. When she again lived, it was only to weep and sigh” (Shelley 72). Remarkable here is that Victor is said to be the “comforter” (Shelley 73) of the family, which coheres with a concept that Wollstonecraft previously introduced: because Elizabeth is so frail and emotional she needs Victor’s support. Wollstonecraft’s sentiment regarding the wavering of rationality and reason due to overwhelming emotionality is furthermore confirmed when Elizabeth is called on as a witness during Justine’s trial. We see here that while “simple and powerful” Elizabeth’s testimony “was excited by her generous interference, and not in favour of poor Justine” (Shelley 85). In other words: her passions and emotions contributed to the conviction of her friend, thus reinforcing the idea that strong emotions are a weakness, as they cancel out any reason. In terms of characterisation, we also see that Elizabeth is often described as a “sweet girl” with “gentleness, and soft looks of compassion” (Shelley 189-190). Throughout his narration it becomes apparent that Victor sees Elizabeth, as the perfect woman, even going so far as to state that he “never saw any woman who excited, as Elizabeth does, [his] warmest admiration and affection” (Shelley 151). We can conclude from this, that Victor deems the emotionally vulnerable, nurturing and motherlike woman the ideal one.

The second character I will be discussing is Safie. Here it is important to mention that unlike Elizabeth and the female creature, this character is observed and narrated from the creature’s point of view. We are introduced to this character in chapter XIII when the monster is in hiding, taking refuge in a local cottage. Very noticeable is that in comparison to Elizabeth, the focus with Safie mostly lies on the woman’s physical features rather than her emotionality. The creature describes her as having “a countenance of angelic beauty and expression” (Shelley 116) and being “charming” (Shelley 121). In terms of her personality, the creature deems the Arabian to be “sweet” as well as “lovely” (Shelley 117). She is furthermore described to be “always gay and happy” (Shelley 118). While these traits are directly worded by the creature, through reading her story we see that Safie is actually a very brave, smart and self-governing woman rather than an overly sentimental one. Her independence and bravery were inspired by her mother who “taught her to aspire to higher powers of intellect, and an independence of spirit, forbidden to the female followers of Mahomet” (Shelley 124). Following her mother’s advice, Safie abandons her religion and sets out to Europe as “the prospect of marrying a Christian, and remaining in a country where women were allowed to take a rank in society, was enchanting to her” (Shelley 124). This reveals to the reader that Safie’s priorities include intelligence and independence, rather than motherhood or love. While Felix is definitely a romantic partner to her, having been referred to as her “lover” (Shelley 127), the marriage is also a sort of leverage, ensuring her freedom as it offers an escape from her repressive and sexist religion, as mentioned in the quote. However during her travels to unite with Felix, Safie’s companion falls ill and passes away, leaving her “unacquainted with the language of the country, and utterly ignorant of the customs of the world” (Shelley 127). Here her true bravery shines through as she keeps pushing forward with the help of an Italian family, despite being alone in a foreign country. Eventually once settled in with the De Laceys, the creature, who is equally “unacquainted” (Shelley 127), informs the reader on their learning process, stating that “she and [him] improved rapidly in the knowledge of language” (Shelley 118). This then also supports the statement that Safie is indeed a smart woman, being capable of learning a new language in a matter of months. When we apply Wollstonecraft’s philosophy to this, we see that Safie closely resembles that new woman considering that she is in touch with both her reason and passion. She furthermore endorses Wollstonecraft’s educational stance as she actively pursues knowledge. In terms of sensibility Safie has only been described to “[appear] affected by different feelings; wiping a few tears from her lovely eyes” (Shelley 117) once, when meeting Felix. We can conclude that in terms of this character we see a healthy balance between emotionality and rationality, therefore introducing a different “type” of woman. It is safe to say that Safie is to be regarded as “the incarnation of Mary Wollstonecraft in the novel” (Mellor 5).

Moving on, the third and final character I would like to discuss is the female creature. It is once again important to note that this part of the story is told from Victor’s perspective and that this creature was never actually brought to life. She was merely an idea and request. We learn that the idea of the female creature is introduced by Frankenstein’s monster, after he fails to find a human counterpart: “I am alone, and miserable; man will not associate with me; but one as deformed and horrible as myself would not deny herself to me. My companion must be of the same species, and have the same defects. This being you must create” (Shelley 144). This request, or demand, is however not well-received by Victor: “Shall I create another like yourself, whose joint wickedness might desolate the world? Begone!” (Shelley 145). However after a lot of contemplation and convincing, Victor agrees: “I consent to your demand, on your solemn oath to quit Europe for ever, and every other place in the neighbourhood of man, as soon as I shall deliver into your hands a female who will accompany you in your exile” (Shelley 148). The task proved easier said than done, as Victor struggles to “overcome [his] repugnance to the task which was enjoined [him]” (Shelley 149). Victor seems to think and overthink his decision until ultimately he decides against it, therefore breaking the agreement. He comes to this conclusion after thoroughly considering what a new creation might bring forward:

I was now about to form another being, of whose dispositions I was alike ignorant; she might become ten thousand times more malignant than her mate, and delight, for its own sake, in murder and wretchedness. He had sworn to quit the neighbourhood of man, and hide himself in deserts; but she had not; and she, who in all probability was to become a thinking and reasoning animal, might refuse to comply with a compact made before her creation. They might even hate each other; the creature who already lived loathed his own deformity, and might he not conceive a greater abhorrence for it when it came before his eyes in the female form? She also might turn with disgust from him to the superior beauty of man; she might quit him, and he be again alone, exasperated by the fresh provocation of being deserted by one of his own species. (Shelley 165)

This revelation brings more to light than meets the eye and requires a more thorough reading. I will start with analysing the female creature’s speculated character. This is speculation because she was never actually brought to life. In other words: this version of the female creature only ever existed in Victor’s inner thoughts. Nonetheless, we see that this female is depicted as malevolent or violent and seemingly emancipated since she might not conform with what her creator, Frankenstein, imposes on her. On the other hand, the creature is also described as “a thinking and reasoning animal” (Shelley 165), which strives from Victor’s ideal woman (cf. Elizabeth) and makes her a threat. Here lies the sexism and Shelley’s critique thereof. She exposes Victor because “he is afraid of an independent female will, afraid that his female creature will have desires and opinions that cannot be controlled by his male creature” (Mellor 6). What we can also deduce from this is that Frankenstein seeks to adhere to the “sexist aesthetic that insists that women be small, delicate, modest, passive, and sexually pleasing – but available only to their lawful husbands” (Mellor 7). We see throughout the story that aesthetics and beauty are important virtues as both Elizabeth and Safie, though perceived by two different protagonists, are praised for their beauty. This is in stark contrast with the female creature, as Frankenstein reasons that the male creature might perceive her as a “greater abhorrence” (Shelley 165). Shelley with this shows the superficial mind of Victor Frankenstein and brings a whole system of sexism in societal standards to light. It is remarkable to see how, despite never even having lived, the female creature becomes one of the most crucial characters in outing her criticisms.

When comparing the three female characters with one another, we notice a sort of spectrum. On the one end there is Elizabeth who is seen as the perfect woman and wife by Victor’s standards and on the other end we have the female creature who is nothing short of horrifying, violent and a threat to him and his standards. Somewhere in the middle we then find Safie, the fictional embodiment of Wollstonecraft and her ideals. Now, what sets Elizabeth apart from these other two women is her objectification. She is often presented as a matriarch and sometimes even an object or something akin to a pet in relation to Victor. She is submissive and for the most part reliant on the men in her life as previously mentioned. The other two women differ in that they strive for emancipation and independence. Furthermore these two women are described as rational creatures, rather than “sensible” or emotional ones, which is exactly what Wollstonecraft was advocating for.

To conclude, while Shelley’s Frankenstein at first glance presents itself as a “ghost story” (Shelley 7), a thorough, more critical read brings to light a sharp piece of social commentary. Shelley masked her criticisms, which were heavily inspired by her mother’s A Vindication for the Rights of Woman, by writing mostly from the perspective of males. These criticisms entailing women and the sexist expectations that society has provided are revealed through the male depiction of three female characters. There are several things to be established surrounding these women. First of all it becomes apparent that Victor favours his Elizabeth, who is the staple of a housewife: submissive, oppressed and dependent on her husband or provider. Then there is the self-governing Safie, who travelled across the continent just to obtain her freedom as a woman. The third and final personality, the female creature, is pivotal in that she is the epitome of Shelley’s critique. Victor Frankenstein fears this female creation as she is rational and will likely have a strong will of her own and can therefore not be controlled by his male creature. He furthermore is appalled by this creature as she does not conform with the stereotypical beauty standard. Throughout this narration Shelley brought to light the intricate and subtle elements of sexism in which Victor, the man, presents himself as superior to women. Shelley’s work went on to inspire and “managed to change the Western world’s conception of women’s rights, human reason, education theory and romantic love” (Sturgis 55). In her work Shelley advocates, as her mother before her, for the education of women and gender equality and seeks to denounce the submissive woman as a whole.

(2681 words)

Works Cited

Botting, Eileen Hunt. “Crossing Borders and Bridging Generations: Wollstonecraft's ‘Rights of Woman’ as the ‘Traveling Feminist’ Classic.” Women's Studies Quarterly, vol. 35, no. 3/4, 2007, pp. 296–301.

Mellor, Anne K. “Possessing Nature: The Female in Frankenstein.” Frankenstein: The 1818 Text, Contexts, Criticism. By Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley. Ed. J. Paul Hunter. New York: W.W. Norton, 2012.

Shelley, Mary. Frankenstein. Edited by M.K. Joseph, Oxford University Press, 2008.

Sturgis, Amy H. "Feminism, Frankenstein, and Freedom." Reason, vol. 47, no. 2, 2015, pp.54-60, 6.

Wollstonecraft, Mary. A Vindication of the Rights of Woman. Edited by J. Bennett, Oxford University Press, 2017.

[lazyliars]

//rp

Before I get into it, I want to state that is EXPLICITLY an analysis of the Characters, and is not intended to touch on how the cc's played them in a meta sense unless specifically stated otherwise.

Also, I just wanna put out there that I started writing this as soon as the streams ended and I LOVED THEM SO MUCH. I had such a good time watching them, and serious kudos to all the cc's for putting on such a good show.

I'm not writing this analysis to critique the way the story is being written, I really, really enjoy it, I just want to put my two cents out there on some of the differing character interpretations going on right now. I think this will come off as critical of the Syndicate, but I'm not trying to tear them down from a writing standpoint, but examine the characters' morality, the narrative direction that the story is going, and express my overall thoughts on both.

NOTE: The original post ended up breaking Tumblr's post editor because it was so goddamn long (i think??? or tumblr just hates this meta specifically.) So there is a part two to this, which I cannot link because it screws with Tumblr's tagging system. Thank you, you garbage website.

-

Tommy.

There is a relatively large section of people who believe that Techno and Phil's characters reactions to Tommy dying (Techno saying “pog” upon hearing that Tommy was beaten to death, and Phil's chuckling and insistence that he wasn't really dead) do not reflect on their characters' moralities.

I HUGELY beg to differ.

Tommy and Techno had a massive falling out. I'm not going to talk about who was 'right or wrong' in this situation because at the end of the day, they both ended up feeling hurt and betrayed by each other.

I think there is a degree of misplaced anger over this reaction and feeling hurt on Tommy's behalf, as he implied that he wanted to reconcile with Technoblade and clearly still cared about him on some level. However, this is audience only knowledge. Techno has no way to know this, and shouldn't be criticized for feeling more or less on same page as he was post-doomsday, seeing as Tommy never got the chance to try and make things better or even just talk to Techno, either by choice or by chance.

That being said.

Techno is the one who, himself said “I would have fought the world for you-” during their screaming match on Doomsday. Techno knows that Tommy went through something deeply traumatic due to Dream during exile, although not the whole of it. Techno is the one who took in the half-dead raccoon boy who had nothing to offer him, and tried to make him an ally.

It's not unreasonable to be shocked, surprised, or concerned that his reaction to a former friend's brutal death at the hands of his abuser was, and I quote, “Tommy's dead? Pog, I hated that guy.”

Yes, Techno feels betrayed by Tommy. But that doesn't mean that the attachment that was clearly there (again, took in the half-dead raccoon boy who had nothing to offer him) turning to spite and mild joy at his death should go without comment because “it makes sense.” It is still shocking. It is still worth examining as a character moment.

This is not meant as a critique on how cc!Techno is playing his character. I am pointing this out to say that I think this reaction was intentionally done to portray c!Techno as a person who has been so blinded by the attacks against him and the hurt he feels that he would revel in a former-friend's brutal murder, which is in my opinion, and I know this is a controversial take, kinda fucked up. (the c!techno part. Playing a messy character is pog.)

Now, none of this inherently makes Techno a villain*. He's allowed to feel however he wants about whoever he wants, and none of that makes him a villain. It does however deal a hit to his morality. It's not... good, to laugh at someone dying to their abuser in a prison. It's something that might make sense for someone in Techno's situation to do, but the fact that it makes sense doesn't mean it's not still a huge dick move.

He (and Phil for that matter) are both fairly emotionally stunted people – they struggle to express themselves well, and often hide their true feelings. It's fair to view this reaction as a form of denial, shoving down any last traces of attachment to Tommy and laughing it off instead, similar to Jack.

However, it reads less like that to me, and more like Techno has already cut Tommy, and by extension all of those residual feelings, out of his life. Which is still a coping mechanism to deal with the pain of being hurt by someone you care about.

But he and Tommy didn't fall out over nothing – Again, I don't want to get into the morality of who was right or wrong on Doomsday, but It's fair say that they both felt hurt, and had such a bad miscommunication by the end of things that it came as a surprise to them both. Even if Techno was 100% morally justified on Doomsday, the fact that he was surprised by Tommy's switching sides should be an indication that he missed something - that he needs to look beyond the surface level.

This coping mechanism is dangerous – it paints Tommy as something a lot worse than he was to Techno, and helps him further ignore the idea that he had any fault for what happened, or to perform any introspection going further.

Once again, this is not a bad writing choice. It's actually really compelling.

((*note: the definition of 'Villain' I am using here is:

1 : a character in a story or play who opposes the hero. 2 : a deliberate scoundrel or criminal.

c!Techno is not currently opposed to a 'hero' character, and he is not AFAIK deliberately being 'villainous' or 'criminal.'

I think it's important to differentiate a character that is acting amorally or immorally, from a character who is being cast narratively as a villain. More on that later.))

Phil is a little more clear cut, but also a little more ambiguous, and... that's right... you know what time it is!

IT'S SBI FAMILY DYNAMICS DISCOURSE TIME! YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!

...no thank you actually.

The SBI family dynamic is so, so fraught, and so argued inside and out and backwards and forwards... I'm tired of it and I don't really have anything to add. I'm just gonna clarify how I personally interpret Phil's relationship to Tommy, and then move on with that assumption in mind.

Tommy seems to view Phil as a father figure, someone who he wants to impress and earn the affection of, as seen when he tries to claim that he was the sole builder of the hotel to him, and also someone who he sees a protective figure, as seen when he calls out to him in the prison, multiple times.

I've seen some people argue that the above lines aren't canon, and are meant as meta jokes about cc!Phil, and.... I disagree? Both are stated during and about lore, extremely heavy lore in the latter case when Phil is one of the first people Tommy calls out for after being resurrected. It reads to me as an intentional character moment on Tommy's part.

Whether or not Phil knows that Tommy views him this way is up for debate. I'd argue that he probably doesn't – Phil doesn't seem to think much of Tommy one way or the other, and only seems to view him as an annoying kid that followed Wilbur around.

As an aside, I have seen some people claim that c!Phil doesn't know c!Tommy at all beyond their canon interactions, but I haven't seen anything from Phil's streams to confirm this as canon? I don't catch all of his streams so it's possible that i've missed this, but it would a huge deal if so and a bit of an outlier within the overall SMP. Almost all of the characters on the SMP come in with their out-of-character dynamics to other streamers somewhat intact. If there is genuinely a clip of Phil saying that his character has not met Tommy before this, please send it to me.

I'm gonna direct anyone else curious about this topic over to @lucemferto​'s excellent video, link in the source. It goes over the muddled history of the SBI family dynamic in an accessible and informative way.

To summarize: I consider Tommy to view Phil as a father-figure, while Phil does not return the sentiment. That's what we're going with today, watch them canonize Tommy as his biological son tomorrow just to spite me specifically.

So, after all that, does it matter when looking at Phil's reaction to Tommy dying?

Well, not really. Phil's reaction was a lot more... reasonable. That is to say, he completely denied it and therefore did not go through any processing of it. We don't know exactly what he'd think, if he discovered it was true, and there's a good chance that we wont seeing as Tommy has been revived.

He also seemed a surprised by Techno's cold reaction, assuring Ranboo that “he has a heart in there somewhere.” It's just theory at this point, but I do think this suggests that if Tommy was proven dead, Phil probably would have a more emotional reaction.

I do want to take the chance to comment on Phil's overall relationship with Tommy though, and why it matters to his character as a whole, mainly because he canonized a little something today.

Wilbur wrote him letters.

And if you're telling me that Wilbur “Don't call me your brother I'll cry” Soot wouldn't be telling his dad about Tommy – Tommy annoying him, Tommy's stupid cobblestone towers, Tommy sacrificing his discs, Tommy, his vice president and best friend,

Then I have to ask if we're talking about the same guy.

And this is why, even if Phil's first time ever talking to Tommy was after Nov 16th(something that I highly doubt) It still wouldn't make sense for the audience to disregard Phil's more callous interactions with Tommy, such as during Doomsday, and the fact that he hasn't really taken any interest in Tommy or had any urge be active in his life.

Just like L'manberg was Tommy's last connection to Wilbur, Tommy is one of Phil's last connection to Wilbur – he is one of the last remaining things that Wilbur truly cared about, however strained it was at the end.

I think that reading Phil as a character going through a negative arc rather than a positive one is a valid interpretation. I don't think it's the only valid interpretation, but it's one that can and should be discussed by those that want to engage in analyzing the dsmp. Phil, as a character who is failing, who is genuinely doing a disservice to himself, Tommy, or both, is a facet of this character that should be examined, and his non-relationship with Tommy is a good avenue to do so.

TLDR: Techno's reaction to Tommy dying paints him as being blinded by hatred. Phil's reaction less so, but it points to a general disinterest in Tommy's life that ought to be better explored.

In part two, we'll look at the syndicate as an entity, what it's role in the story might be, and, of course...

[stomp-that-ho-regard]

Needed to get this campaign wrap-up rant off my chest...

This is the specific part that irked me:

MATT: "While he never voiced this in game, Caleb's feelings for Jester have been an important part of his journey. Did he ever come close to confessing? How was playing such a long lasting, one-sided love after our last campaign's bittersweet ending for a Vax and Kiki?"

LIAM: I was never going to do romance of any kind, one-sided or otherwise in this campaign, because I felt like we really explored that pretty heavily campaign one. I think you'll remember Jester drove Caleb nuts at the beginning of the campaign, and so it was nothing that I ever expected at all. And then when they were in, was it Rexxentrum wherever the dance hall was. And I alluded to this earlier, dancing was never anything that I imagined for Caleb, but it was just like, and you were asking him to dance, Jester was asking him to dance. I was like, "Oh, this could be an interesting way to like sort of seed my story, that we're not really around yet." And there was something about, not the dancing, but the way that Jester treated him kindly after the fact like his response was to be like, "I'm going to go fucking vomit in a street, and just be by myself," and she wouldn't let it happen. And that was just like this first little moment where someone was like-- Everyone in the Nein-- I want to answer another question while I'm answering this. I wonder if we had gone that different direction that we talked about earlier where we didn't go crime, and we had gone into Rexxentrum earlier, and if Caleb had started interfacing with his past earlier, I think he would have had a gnarlier, more severe trajectory in this campaign. If he had touched his past sooner, it would have changed what he was, but he spent way too much with the Nein, for when we finally did catch up to them, it was too late, that he'd already been healed enough by the Nein, it didn't matter. And everyone in the Nein had an effect on Caleb, they all had their love like in different ways; Yasha, he could relate to. Caduceus was like a guru that confused but inspired. Fjord, who Caleb thought was real hot at the beginning of the campaign, was a great leader and, like, just I don't know, I feel like he was his closest friend, outside of Nott, early in the campaign. Beau brought tough love. Veth was this ultimate support no matter what happened. But what started to happen with Jester was that she was treating Caleb like the person-- She was treating him as if he was the person he should have been. Like none of it had happened. And he became like-- It just got in him, but he would have never wanted to saddle her with all his shit. And the difference, like-- There was also a point in the campaign where I could see, in Yasha's absence, Beauregard warming up to her, and I already quietly been thinking and going like, "Well, I'll just have this little thing that maybe fans will see," and some did early on, like it was silent. It was all silent. And then I was like, "Well, Travis is never going to do it." Oh, Travis just came online, so the entire side of the table quietly like, "Oh," at Jester for a while. But Caleb knew that Beau and Fjord would've been far better for her, because they would have put aside anything for Jester and made her their number one. And Caleb knew that, as much as she like changed him and helped him in a very specific way, and and he quietly fell in love with her and like a Jane Austen, I'm never going to say it. That he would never have set aside the things that he was trying to do. He would never have set aside trying to either get back to his parents and fix that. He would never set aside trying to undo the Cerberus Assembly if he were strong enough, so, like, that was too all-consuming, and so he would never wanted to saddle her with it, so it was always going to stay inside. And there were multiple times in the campaign where Jester teasingly needled Caleb, and I was terrified that you would say the word "Insight check," multiple times.

LAURA: I think I did it once.

LIAM: Well, you must have rolled really low when you did because I did my best to like pull faces at you, and poo poo it, and do something silly to dodge out of those situations.

LAURA: Are you secretly in love with me?

LIAM: And yeah, you said that, and I went like (blows raspberries) that's fucking ridiculous with my face, and we moved on. (laughter)

LAURA: It's so funny when you joke about the whole table being in love with Jester because Jester had, like, no concept of it at all. Her whole upbringing was everybody being in love with her mother, and her whole, and she knew she's so different from Marion, in her appearance, and the way she presents herself that-- To her, that is what people want, that's what everybody would be in love with. And so there was never-- She would never have thought in a million years that Beau would have been interested, or that Caleb would have been interested, or that Fjord would have been interested. She tried to be Marion and when she was coming on to him in the early campaign, and obviously, it did not work. So she was like, "Okay, then-- Nobody's-- That's not going to happen for me." So it just like turned off in her brain, like nobody will.

TRAVIS: There was a moment where that stopped, too, because like you doing the thing that you thought your mom did and that worked, you know, Fjord's like, "I've never been flirted with before, I don't know what this is. Stop doing it." All that behavior stopped, and you like let the happy Jester fall away. Like, I think it was on the sea, right, like with the jellyfish scene. And then it all happened.

MARISHA: That's when you started crying. There was a few times where there was these moments of Jester smiling, but tears were streaming down her face.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: Trying to be the happiest person in the room. And then, yeah. I don't know. Jester always had this, but I think why Jester is so enigmatic, and so easy fall in love with is because she is the purest person in the room, so that it invites this kind of--

LIAM: Which doesn't even mean innocent, it just means the purest person--

MARISHA: Pure, yeah. It's just very endearing and it got in the way-- and this is almost going to sound condescending-- but almost in the way that a child is where if a little girl runs up to you, and they're like, "Look at this card, I think I want to cover the whole thing in glitter." You kind of have no choice, but to be like, "Yeah, that's a great idea."

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Cover the whole thing, and like, even if it's bad. She felt like almost like the perfect exercise for "Yes, and-ing." Like, the concept of "Yes, and-ing," because half of them were terrible ideas, but you were like, "Yeah, brilliant."

LAURA: Also, I feel that people are drawn to somebody who sees the best in them, right? You're drawn to somebody that loves you, and she just has an unconditional love for like everybody--

LIAM: She changes everyone she meets, including a hag in a hut.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yes.

Laura’s answer here is, for the most part, true. Jester was always pretty oblivious to people being into her. That was a pretty clear character trait. However, that still doesn't explain her roleplaying choices after Beau’s confession. And I wish someone was able to ask her about that and get a direct answer. Why was there a behavior shift? Was it just Laura trolling and teasing Marisha about it, or was Laura actually trying to force Beau to confess directly?

There was a pretty condescending post about this that I found in the discourse tag that said: I know it won't happen cause people never cared about what she says anyway, but Laura confirming again that Jester never knew about Caleb and Beau's feelings for her should be enough to stop the dumb takes like "bj was happening before the hiatus but then they decided to change it" or "Jester was falling in love with Caleb and she changed it" or whatever.

‘Laura confirming again’ Again? What other time has she said this?

‘Jester never knew about Caleb and Beau’s feelings’ Laura said that ‘She would never have thought in a million years that they would be interested’ and included Fjord in that section too, so whatever point this person’s trying to make is moot.

Countering that, I want to say, that nothing in Laura’s answer seemed to give the impression that Jester would have turned down Beau (or, hate to say it, even Caleb) had they actually confessed to her. There’s nothing in her answer to imply that Jester could not have reciprocated those feelings had she known. Nowhere did I get the implication that Jester was only ever interested in men and that Fjord was the only viable choice. (Laura still has not addressed Jester’s sexuality. FJ shippers love to ignore that, and still swear up and down that she’s straight.)

Now when Marisha piped in, she didn’t even focus on Beau’s feelings, and the depth of what she was feeling at the time. Instead, she’s wrote them off. Again. Intentionally minimizing and essentially doubling down on what was said in ep108. That it’s just so easy for anyone to fall for Jester, even going as far as calling her ‘pure’. Basically infantilizing her, by comparing her behavior to that of a child which yes, Marisha, does sound condescending. (You can add that to the list of ‘sparkles’ ‘confetti’ and ‘shiny’.) And that’s it. That’s the extent to which she talks about it.

Also, the fact that the Beaujester stuff was only brought up (very briefly and casually), as a sort of ‘b’ topic to WJ. Liam got to go off on this whole extremely long-winded reminiscing answer because he got a direct question about it. It’s like, “And none for Beaujester!” Once again, Caleb’s feelings being given more weight than Beau’s ever were. 

So, another kick in the teeth. Not so much from Laura. But from Marisha. The person who MADE THE CHOICE to inject Beau developing feelings for Jester into the canon narrative. The way Marisha talks about it now, it’s just a complete mind fuck as to why she made the decision to have Beau confess at all. Why even open that door? Even if she felt, at the time, that Beau would feel this way, she could’ve just kept it to herself. And not made waves about it. And not doubled down on it the following week. And not had continued for at least THREE MONTHS after that to roleplay Beau STILL having obvious feelings for Jester. I mean, come the fuck on.

Look at ep93 with the Hag. When Jester was telling the group that she gave the Hag something she had never given anyone before. Beau frowned and said, “Did you kiss her?” Beau had it so bad she got jealous of the Hag. Jealous of a fucking monster. Then ep94. Beau wanted to climb a tree to get a better look at their surroundings. Out of the blue, Jester smacked Beau’s ass to give her Guidance. She shot up the tree like a rocket and Jester was impressed. Marisha had to make it a point to say, “She thinks it’s the Traveler. It’s just ‘cause Jester smacked my ass though. I’m just very invigorated by THAT.” And of course ep99, with the sunburn compliment.

Marisha was definitely keeping this thing going, all the way up until the hiatus.

So why the weird answers? Why the vagueness? Why does she seem so insistent on driving home to the viewers that Beau’s feelings were/are no big deal. Does she think that talking about Beau’s feelings to the fullest and reminiscing (like Liam did) on a few of their moments would be some sort of insult to BY?

I will never stop being baffled.

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Higurashi Gou Ep19

OK this episode was actually just fucking with me by having Rika at a Western-style preppy boarding school drinking tea in a parlor and having debates with people. This level of concentrated Umineko content bait is going to literally kill me at some point.

Thoughts under the cut. [Plus even more Umineko stuff, but honestly who can even blame me at this point, lmao]

I don’t think I commented on it last week, partly because I was hoping we’d get the actual visuals for it in this episode, but the new ED theme is extremely good. I think I like it a lot more than the first one, but they’re both really good. I’m kinda biased though, since the new ED feels extremely Umineko-y, but still, it’s really good.

I’m kinda surprised that we still haven’t gotten the visuals for it yet. And instead of just having the ED theme play over the final scene of the episode or something, it was another round of having the credits roll over a black screen for the duration of the ED, which makes the continued lack of visuals really noticeable. I guess it’s possible that they just haven’t completed the animation for it yet, but I’m hoping that they’re holding back on it because something about the visuals for it is a spoiler for something that’ll happen in the next episode or two. And that makes me really curious to see what it might show, since at this point there’s only a narrow list of things that could probably be ‘spoilers’ for upcoming stuff in this arc.

Realistically I doubt it’d be on the level of straight up showing Umineko characters, but I’m probably still gonna get my hopes up anyway, lol.

At the very least, with how this episode brings us to 1987, and we know that Rika dies as a teenager in 1988, we’re rapidly approaching the point where everything goes to shit, and we already know that Satoko apparently got contacted by Oyashiro-sama, so honestly it wouldn’t be that strange for some kind of witch character to show up, even if maybe they’ll be presented in a somewhat abstract and indirect way.

Anyway, this episode went a long way to show the path of trauma that leads Satoko to initiating the new loop, but I think there’s going to be more going on in the next episode or so that really pushes her over the edge. Obviously she’s already in a downwards spiral because of Rika drifting away from her, and her being socially isolated all over again, but I don’t think this alone would make her go as far as trapping Rika in an endless torture loop.

I wonder if maybe Satoko is going to start getting directly bullied by the other girls at the school, rather than just being ostracized by them. It’d suck to see it happen, but it’d be the sort of thing that’d make her situation even worse than it is now. 

From what we heard here about how the school runs, I don’t think they’d directly expel Satoko for having low grades, but if she winds up slipping into the Special Class, it’d probably make her feel more and more like everything could fall apart for her at any moment, which could also make her way more volatile.

I’m pretty sure we already know that Rika ends up getting killed in 1988, and that’s how she got thrown into the new loop, so I’m curious to see how that ends up panning out. Satoko might just end up snapping and straight up killing her out of anger, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s some kind of horrible accident. With what Satoko was saying in this episode about wishing she could just have fun setting up traps around the school, I could see her setting up a situation that ends up getting Rika killed.

Either way, it feels like we’re on the brink of disaster, and I’d be surprised if it takes more than one more episode to show how everything falls apart and the loops start.

Which is also making me wonder how the arc as a whole will be paced out. In spite of being the longest arc in the show, it feels like there’s still a LOT that needs to be covered. We still need at least one more episode to conclude this big flashback sequence, then we’ll probably get some sort of flashback to show how the Gou question arcs played out in the background to solve those mysteries, and then we still have to go back to the end of Nekodamashi to follow up on that whole cliffhanger, and get into whatever the true ending of the show will be.

I still doubt that we’ll get a full second season, but I’m just not sure if five more episodes will be enough to do everything it needs to do.

At the very least, I’ve basically given up hope on Gou doing more than the bare minimum to touch upon Rena or Shion’s backstories at this point, lol.

I’m also still wondering what the ending will be like in the first place. Ideally everything would just work out fine and Rika and Satoko will talk things out and resolve everything peacefully after we return to Nekodamashi, but I’m feeling more and more like this will have a darker ending than that. Mostly because it really feels like this is barreling straight towards the ‘Bern/Lambda origin story’ route, and that just makes me feel like the ending will be really depressing and make it more clear why Bern is so messed up in Umineko.

And on that note, on top of it just being really nice teasing, it’s actually kinda neat to see Rika entering this sort of Western-style ‘high society’ life, since it goes a long way to clarify why Bern’s entire personality and aesthetic is the way it is. They never really ‘explained’ it in Umineko, aside from it just matching more with Umineko’s more Western-style setting, and in a lot of ways it feels like this ‘explanation’ was thought up way after Umineko was written anyway, but even as a retroactive explanation it’s still nice to see them show why Rika ends up that way. They haven’t shown exactly why she’s so bitter in Umineko, but at least now we know why she’s the sort of person who likes stuff like this.

In a lot of ways, everything about this whole arc and the St. Lucia’s stuff kinda feels like Ryukishi’s sort of clumsy way of directly tying together these loose threads between Higurashi and Umineko, and showing us exactly why Bern ends up the way she does. I kinda agree with the criticisms I’ve seen that Rika apparently idolizing high society upper-class life and seeing St Lucia’s of all places as Heaven on earth feels really forced, and I think that has a lot to do with what I said about how Ryukishi probably just designed Bern as a Western-style goth lolita because that fit Umineko’s setting more, and he’s only just now trying to go back and give an in-universe explanation for it via Gou. So for better or worse it kinda has this vibe of retconning parts of her character in order to brute-force this connection between the two series.

Though I can’t help but be OK with it, at least for now, since it just makes it feel like he’d only be this overt about it if he was actually setting up for something better that justified making up all this new story stuff just to contextualize Bern’s whole character in Umineko. It might just be his way of tying things together and he’s not setting up for anything, but it’d feel like a waste at this point if he’s not, considering how many people are already feeling like he’s messing with Rika’s character retroactively to make it all tie into Umineko. So it’d at least feel more justified if it’s actually setting up for something along the lines of an Umineko anime remake, even if that’s still probably just wishful thinking. 

Anyway, I think this episode is gonna cause lots of discourse about how people feel about both Rika and Satoko’s choices in this episode, but my stance right now is just that they’re both understandable, while also both being in the wrong in their own ways. Ultimately this just boils down to them not communicating with each other properly. I can see what people mean by Rika’s whole attitude here feeling out of character, but I can understand why she’s genuinely enjoying her new life, and honestly she’s always had major issues with not talking to people about things and just going with the flow, so I get why she’s not doing more to reach out to Satoko, especially since doing so would mean rocking the boat with her new friends who clearly all look down on Satoko.

And on the other side of things, I think Satoko’s whole side of things makes total sense, even though she’s also in the wrong for continuing to respond to trauma by bottling it all up and rejecting any help or communication that people offer her. That at least feels like a totally natural extension of her personality, especially when you think about how the current timeline is one where Teppei never came back to the village, and so she never had to have her whole character arc where she learns how to open up about her trauma to people and seek help. Also the end of the episode makes it feel pretty likely that this is going in the direction of her re-developing HS, which would go a long way to explain why she’d go into a full on downwards spiral, mentally. I highly doubt that she actually got completely cured for good, even if Hanyuu’s absence changed how the virus works.

Which also reminds me that we still haven’t heard anything about what happened to Satoshi, despite them talking about the virus more or less going away. At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s past the point of no return, and learning about his fate might be one of the things that fully pushes Satoko over the edge.

Either way, I get why a lot of people don’t really like where this is all going, but I’m at least enjoying it for what it is [even though I’ve had to really readjust my expectations for it, lol]. But tbh at this point a big chunk of this is just me being hype about the pipe dream of a new Umineko anime, and if this ends up not leading to that, I’ll probably be a lot harsher on Gou in hindsight after it ends.

[thejustmaiden]

Fiction and Real Life Go Hand In Hand

This blog goes out to all those pro-Sessrin fans out there who refuse to acknowledge the very real effects fiction can have on our world and vice versa. I highly encourage other Inuyasha fans who defend/enable these shippers to read this, as well. I assure you, by no means are my intentions here to stir up trouble. Honestly, I just want some good healthy discourse for once if that’s not too much to ask. If you do decide to engage, please be mindful of that and treat others with respect and I will do the same in return. All in all, the goal of this blog is to exercise my right to speak out and be critical about content I believe to have very potentially detrimental repercussions. I ask that you not attack me or insult me simply for stating an opinion. Thank you! 

It’s like the title says, meaning fiction does matter. Where do you think we get ideas for all the stories we tell? Where do we draw inspiration from in the first place?

Real life, that's where! And yes, always with a touch of imagination! Long story short: fiction matters because real life does.

Allow me to elaborate.

Shippers of the Sesshomaru x Rin (Sessrin) pairing say it's not fair of us to throw around serious accusations or use certain deragatory terms that suggest such awful acts like child grooming or pedophilia because of the harmful implications. One of their reasonings being that some people IRL have actually lived through these traumas, so we shouldn't dare to assume they're comparable since one is just fiction and the other is not. But this isn’t about which is worse than the other, because they’re both super problematic. All we’re literally doing is making a link between grooming in real life and grooming in fiction. They mirror each other. Same issue; different mediums. We’re not undermining any one’s past experiences with grooming or the like, nor are we prioritizing fiction to diminish real life abuse. They’re both awful in numerous ways and that’s all we’re trying to say. In fact, if anything we’re attempting to demonstrate just how crucial this correlation is between them. In order to protect past victims and prevent future ones, we must remain vigiliant of the content we consume, and yes, sometimes that means we have to challenge it too. Just because it’s widely-viewed does not make it widely-accepted or well-received. It is paramount that we educate ourselves on how to be more critical of some of the harmful tropes and images that are still way too prevalent in mainstream media. Sexualizing young and pre-pubescent girls is way more normalized than some of us even realize. It’s sad but true that Sessrin is just one of many examples. I know it feels like society has failed us in a lot of ways, but it’s never too late to re-evaluate and re-learn better and more improved ways of viewing and processing information presented to us.

Our mission: Let’s not show our kids that grooming or any other form of abuse are acceptable if they may ever come to experience or encounter it themselves. Be it the real world or on screen. Deal? 

There have been a number of occasions where real life victims do speak up against the Sessrin ship and express how extremely uncomfortable it makes them feel by what it represents. The problem is that it’s becoming more evident now that many of their fans will dismiss anything purely on the basis that we pose a threat to their ship and nothing more. What it comes down to is they have no real leg to stand on and cannot possibly top any of what we have to say so instead they simply disregard it. Our inconvenient truths don't fit into their ideal *cough* OOC *cough* narrative so they just choose to be willfully ignorant. It conflicts with their fantasy, so rather than present a sound argument of their own, they flat-out reject it and offer no plausible back-up behind their reasoning besides "I don't interpret it that way." GUYS, CHILD GROOMING IS NOT UP FOR INTERPRETATION.

Just because you so desperately want your ship to come true does not mean you can up and decide to redefine a word so that it caters to your stance. Remind yourself that these are complex AND objective terms that we have no right to fiddle with to serve our own selfish purposes. This is why we can conclude that there's no debate about Sesshomaru's actions towards Rin embodying child grooming.

I apologize if any of my words are triggering by the way, so please feel free to take a break and return later if that’s more suitable for you. it's just really important that everyone in this fandom comprehends the extent in which Sessrin going canon is catastrophic. And no, I'm not exaggerating; I'm simply speaking the truth. Shippers justifying these horrible acts- yes, even in fiction- is usually due to the stubborn refusal to hear us out. No offense to anyone (just stating facts), but more times than not antis like myself feel as if we’re talking to a brick wall when we interact with Sessrin peeps. They go in circles and never expand on their perspectives. 

Just a head’s up: THIS GETS LONG. Stick with me. :p

Just look at their take on the Inukag vs. Sessrin relationships for example. This isn't a question of age gaps, this is a question of physical/emotional compatibility. Inukag are the same age mentally wise regardless of one being demon and the other not, whereas Sessrin is not and never will be, and yes, even once she's an adult. The thing is we have debunked this time and time again, because they’re not the same and therefore not comparable, but for some reason these fans won’t drop it. Nothing has changed in their argument, yet they’re persistent in bringing it up. I choose to not go into more detail, since like I said, you can find it around everywhere. I just wanted to touch upon it briefly to prove a point. Maybe it will come up again later in my blog though! 

Where was I earlier? Right, child grooming! Haven't you guys realized that what you’re doing is precisely what child groomers do to make excuses or deny any grooming took place at all? (FYI: I’m not accusing you of being child groomers yourselves.) “They reciprocated so the feelings are mutual" is a typical groomer response, but of course it varies. More often than not, victims of grooming aren't even aware they've been groomed until much later. That's how manipulative groomers are that they can legitmately convince you that maybe you're wrong in questioning their motives. Perhaps in the victim’s mind that because one huge indicator of grooming never actually took place it technically cannot constitute as grooming. They start to doubt themselves even though their intuition is telling them something’s off. They should just ignore it then since it can’t possibly be grooming if that one particular thing never happened, right? Wrong, grooming isn’t strictly this or strictly that. It's much more complicated and multi-faceted. This is why the “but Sesshomaru left Rin in the village” point upsets me greatly. HE WAS STILL INVOLVED IN HER LIFE, Y’ALL.  

On top of that, are you aware that this is the exact same kind of predatory mindset pedophiles use to describe their infatuation with children? They'll say things like, "I don't see them as an adult and a child. I see them as two people with a soul connection." Okay no joke, I wish I was lying, but that is literally a point one pro-sessrin fan on here recently used to defend this ship. It both astounds me and terrifies me that they don't see the glaring similarities they share in common with actual pedos.

Alright, I want to quickly return to what I was saying earlier about fiction's impact on real life. (Sorry, I’m a bit of a scatterbrain!)

The characters and their worlds in our stories that we dream up and bring to life are nothing short of awe-inspiring and magnificent if we so choose them to be. If it wasn't for our imaginations, stories like Inuyasha would have never come to exist. Fiction provides us an amazing outlet where we are given the opportunity to express ourselves and explore its infinite creative possibilities.

But strip away all the demons and magical components of this show we all love so dearly and what are we left with?

At the very core, Inuyasha is a story that's very reminiscent of the human experience: love, camaraderie, a sense of purpose, and much more!

So perhaps we got a full-fledged dog demon like Sesshomaru, but does that necessarily mean we can't relate to him or understand him simply because dog demons don't exist in the real world? Well, I hope that's not how you view it or else you're missing the whole point of why humans create stories to begin with. We create them to make better sense of and thus connect with the world we live in. And when you really think about it, our stories are just a celebration of life- both our struggles and our triumphs. Now I'm no philosophy professor, but I'm pretty sure they'd say I hit that nail right smack on the head. ;)

All shitty jokes aside, the whole reason I’m mentioning this specific example in the first place is because this recently came up with another Sessrin supporter. That supporter tried to defend the ship by stating that we aren't allowed to use Sesshomaru as an example to judge by since his kind don't exist in the real world.

Now if it isn't evident already, this "it's just fiction" argument is a popular go-to stance many Sessrin fans will resort to once they've run out of ideas and are metaphorically backed into a corner. The funny/sad thing is that they seem to sincerely believe this is strong enough evidence to defend their ship with, but per usual, they fail to see how hypocritical that would be. I’ll clarify soon down below. 

Seriously, since when did we decide that fantasy- or any story genre for that matter- stopped reflecting the real world we live in? I mean, we humans are the ones writing these stories. Our human influence is bound to make an impact in some capacity. In fact, we want it to!

Obviously none of us have ever met a dog demon like Sesshomaru, because how could we? Let me tell ya, this is gaslighting at its finest! This is a fictional story with fantasy elements, so of course there will be beings and creatures in their world that don't exist in our own. Does that somehow translate to the fact that nothing from the story of Inuyasha can be applied to our own personal stories or that there aren't meaningful messages to be taught and learned?

So on the flipside, if they're not screaming at us "it's just fiction" for the hundred billionth time, then they are, believe it or not, doing the reverse and comparing it to real world history. One instance of this is how they tell us we're making a big deal about something that isn't real, but go right ahead and use the history of feudal Japan to support Sesshomaru's decision to court (aka GROOM) a young girl because that's how it was done back then. And so, your point being?? It wasn't right then just because it was legal, and it's most certainly not right now. This is how all of their arguments go by the way, where you'll constantly witness a cherry-picking approach. It's agonizing to endure contradiction after contradiction in their arguments filled with nothing but holes in their logic.

I'd just like to add that if we're overreacting to this fictional ship like they love to say we are then technically so are they. They tell us things like "grow up" or "nobody is telling you to keep watching," yet fail to realize they're reacting just as fervently as we are but just on the opposing side of the same damn argument. I find it interesting how they're as invested in this show but pretend they aren't then STILL have the audacity to say it's only us who care this much!? So thank you Sessrin shippers for further proving our point that fiction is more than capable of affecting reality and the people- YES, US- who reside in it.

It's insane that people act like pedophiles and other creeps don't enjoy entertainment too like the rest of us. Believe it or not, they look just like you and me most of the time. Yes, that means they can easily pass as a “regular guy” if they so wished to. My question to you is how do you think pedophiles will take it when they discover others- underage fans more specifically- who dig the same kinda media they get off to? Maybe not in the exact same way, mind you, but there's a thin line between them when you really think about it. I mean, what other explanation is there for why literal pedos on the internet have been known to sneak into pro-sessrin group chats here on Tumblr before? (Thankfully, they were later kicked.) I know that for a fact! It's almost as if the universe is trying to tell them something they refuse to listen to elsewhere. Hhmmm I wonder what that may be. 

I imagine it’s possibly one of the hardest things to admit out loud and to themselves, but I can almost guarantee you that most of these Sessrin shippers who are victims of CSA and who still see no issue with Sessrin must be living with some sort of unresolved trauma caused by the very abuse they claimed to have undergone. It's been proven that victims who do not seek or properly receive the help and treatment they need in order to address and live with a traumatic experience such as this are more likely to perpetuate that very same abuse themselves in some way, shape or form. What if in this case fiction is enough for them, but who's to say it won’t eventually manifest itself in other more dire and far-reaching ways? It's not like we haven't seen this vicious cycle before, and I can promise you that Sessrin won't be the last. LET'S STOP NORMALIZING & GLORIFYING THE ROMANTIZATION & SEXUALIZATION OF CHILDREN. Fictional example: Usagi Drop. Need I say more? Real world example: Woody Allen. Again, need I say more?

Bottom line is that Sessrin shippers don't want us to think too critically about this ship of theirs, because if we dig too deep then they're forced to face the very troubling implications this pairing really stands for. Of course they'll never admit to them, because instead they rather double down and grasp at the same old straws as long as it means their precious ship is protected at all costs. Screw everyone else if that's what it takes, because they'll threaten to burn down legit buildings in real life if that ensures Sessrin goes canon! (True story, this happened on Twitter.) They’ll taunt and bully anyone who disagrees. Even if all you literally say is that you don’t like the ship, they’ll gang up on you. Tell them about your past experience with being groomed? They’ll laugh in your face. I wish I was kidding, but I assure you I am not.  And they say we're ridiculous and taking this way too seriously? Yeah...

The typical behavior of a Sessrin shipper demonstrates an overly aggressive front since they're usually on defense mode anyway. They only want to ship their sick ship in peace in other words. But just because neo-nazis have a right to spew their bigoted ideology, doesn't mean we don't got the right to punch them! Freedom of speech doesn't equate to freedom from consequences. And Sessrin shippers wonder why they got so many haters. Just sayin'.

Their presence on other platforms like Twitter and Reddit are some examples of how delusional and unstable some Sessrin fans are capable of becoming. Even recently, an anon here on Tumblr sent Richard Ian Cox (English VA for Inuyasha) a totally uncalled for ask telling him that "sessrin is love and there's nothing he can do about it." (That's not verbatim, but if you're interested I'll link you to it.) It appears they discovered that he didn't like Sessrin based on how he had been replying to asks, and just for that reason alone they thought they had the right to harass him. For simply stating his opinion, y'all. They didn't even have the decency to show their face either. Talk about immature and cowardly! 

Just yesterday (or was it the day before?) a fanatic Sessrin user on Tumblr- who’s also been known for hateful remarks on Twitter but those tweets have of course been deleted since then- went out of their way to not only lurk in a group chat they don’t belong to on here but to then proceed to harass a few of us in there. They had the guts to take screenshots from that group chat, tag us in posts on their page regarding what they read in there, and without our knowledge or permission went ahead and actually blogged them?? I mean, who calls out people behind their backs while they're just minding their own business?? It worries me how unhinged and out of touch with reality some Sessriners are. Not all of them, but a whole lot of them. 

It seems all they are doing is looking for trouble, as they just can't stand how much we hate this ship. So it's more than okay if they love on their ship but it's not okay if we don't and we should just keep our mouths shut. But since when do Sessrin fans have authority over our opinions? Even if they were officially canon, nothing is ever gonna change our opinion. Now when they actually do decide to participate in discourse with antis, you'll see them fishing for excuses to bow out. How they normally go about this is by fabricating a way to blame us antis for their exiting a conversation as if we're being the irrational ones here.

There’s no denying that some antis can also be overly blunt or aggressive (nobody is saying we’re perfect here), but speaking for myself, I know I would never make such nasty comments about other fans and their personal lives. And honestly? It would make me feel like shit talking bad about someone I don't actually know. Nah, I won't stoop to that level or give haters that satisfaction. I may not attack them as people, but that doesn't mean I can't attack some of their messed up ideas that threaten to distort how we should or shouldn’t perceive certain dangerous situations and events. Seeing as how for me this is more than just a matter of opinion- it's a moral responsibility and even an obligation.

I know it's difficult to remain civil when things get heated and people start taking things personally- yet more proof that fiction impacts our lives- but that's the only way any of us will ever have constructive discussions about serious topics like this. Unfortunately, Sessrin shippers, from what I can tell, are incapable of engaging in real discourse for the most part. They may be vocal but that doesn't mean they can pack a punch. I’d really love to be proven wrong someday.

Okay, moving on! If they're not involved in some big-time gaslighting then they're using their infamous strawman argument approach.

Sessrin fans’ sole purpose isn't really to defend their ship, per se, but rather to deflect and antagonize. They like to mislead in order to shift the focus/blame onto their opponent or something else that's not related so that they can stray from the main point. 

Take the drama CD for example. It's officially NOT considered canon, right? But that hasn't stopped many fans from referencing it anyway so let’s too consider it for a moment. The point is that they use its "existence" whenever convenient then deny it or downplay it whenever it’s not. So on one hand, it's plain as day that they celebrate it as proof of a romantic future for Sessrin. But then later once we point out to them that Sesshomaru is essentially confessing to Rin that he will wait for her until she's of age, they'll brush it off and quickly add that they didn't interpret the scene that way and leave it at that. I mean how else would you interpret it? And if it's not a proposal of sorts then why exactly are you bouncing off the walls about it to begin with?? If that's all it means is nothing then why are we even talking about this?! You see what I mean here??! And somehow we're the crazy ones? 

Let me to be frank with you. If you haven’t listened to it already, this proposal he offered her sounded like a declaration of love in a multitude of ways, which is wildly inappropriate since Rin was only 12 at the time. Signifying that Sesshomaru was/is indeed grooming her. Well, that is if you choose to recognize the drama CD. Nevertheless, whether you do or not, I personally hate that this non-canon satire is even associated with the Inuyasha name to begin with. Ugh. 

Intentional or not, Sesshomaru made a deliberate decision in that moment to tell a little girl- and not just any little girl mind you but a girl he's taken in under his care for a good year- that he would wait for her if she so chooses once she's old enough. 

The issue is that it isn’t only age of consent we’re concerned about regarding this pairing. What Sessriners fail to see is that this grown male authority- her vassal, her guardian, her adoptive father, or whatever you wanna refer to him as- is basically making a move on this girl he had in his company for quite some time. There's no sugarcoating that. Us antis call it how it is, and I'm sure as fucking day other people who don't watch the show would most certainly agree that the Sesshomaru/Rin bond is filial. Set aside those rose-tinted glasses of yours, and going by everything we’ve been delivered in the manga and parts of the anime (and NOT the drama cd), there are literally no hints that indicate a blossoming romance between this adult male demon and this small human girl he’s taken under his wing. You can imagine them all you want if it pleases you, but that doesn’t mean they’re there. Adult!Rin is a figment of your imagination, nothing more. The idolization of this pairing is pretty disturbing seeing as all we have to go off of in canon is Child!Rin. There have only ever been sweet and innocent moments passed between the two, which is why I’m positive that an unbiased viewer or an outsider would state their dynamic resembled something akin to a father-daugther relationship. I would bet a shit ton of money on that, believe you me!

Rin's inhibitions are low because children are naturally naive and don't know any better. Remember, she adores and trust this man with all her heart, so why would she think any of this so-called grooming is not normal behavior. (I only say “so-called grooming” because I don’t think Sesshomaru bringing her gifts in the village has to be a romantic thing.) Or how would she ever be able to understand that she’s being taken advantage of if she has no previous experience with it? Maybe if she was present for that time Inuyasha and the gang scolded Miroku when they had learned that years previous he had supposedly proposed to this young girl in the village they were visiting, then Rin would. And he didn’t even assist in helping raise her but look at how they reacted! How is this any different than Sesshomaru hooking up with Rin later? It’s actually worse in Sessrin's case. Do you honestly believe that Inuyasha and the others would take kindly to this?

It's not uncommon and considered harmless for young children to have crushes on adults, after all, but the adults in these scenarios should never resort to using and abusing the position of power they held or continue to hold over this child for any reason whatsoever.

What I'm trying to get across here is that no matter how you spin it, Sessrin can NEVER be deemed a morally acceptable pairing. Like ship what you want, we're not saying you can't ship Sessrin. What we're saying is this:

STOP referring to their bond as "pure" and not expect backlash for your grossly inaccurate statements. Just admit it's toxic, because it's extremely harmful to many viewers- and not just victims- to pretend and suggest otherwise.

Please remind yourself of the very real canon fact that Rin traveled with Sesshomaru and they established a bond all while she was just a girl. Oh, and he saved her life too many times to count, not to mention brought her back from the dead TWICE. This is why I don't care much for your counter argument "that dynamics can change over time," because although that's true, like with everything in life there must be standards we adhere to. Exceptions to rules, if you will. Our own basic morals demand it.

For instance, it’s normal that some childhood friends begin to like each other as more than friends years down the road. Nothing wrong with that, because that's a natural and healthy occurrence. Now you cannot apply this to an adult and a child for obvious reasons, but what you also cannot do is apply this to an adult who met and knew another adult while they were still just a child. Why? Well, because it'd be like betraying and perverting that former child's view of you. They were never your equal because your established dynamic resembles that of one an adult posesses with a child even once they've grown up. Think about it this way: it's in the same bracket of family members or family friends who've watched you grow up and mature into an adult. Then later just because they're all grown up, does that mean that those children "are not off bounds" - that's quoting a Sessrin shipper by the way- to these certain family members and family friends? 

If you're still struggling to grasp this, I urge you to take a moment (or all the time you need!) to really put yourself in that child's shoes and self-reflect. Would you truly be alright with a family friend you haven't seen in years (but sorely missed because they used to occasionally babysit you) just someday coming back into your life and then very inappropriately flirting with you or even making sexual advances on you? (Sorry for the run-on!) Or even worse, can you picture this happening to one of your own children??! Seriously, ask yourself that and sit with that for a while and really take it all in. It’s not fun, I know, but if that’s what it takes to help you finally understand then please try and practice more ways to utilize your self-awareness in the future. It’s for everyone’s benefit, not only yours, I promise! You'll also find it makes it tremendously easier to empathize with others.

I got news for those fans who don’t view Sesshomaru as a father figure to Rin. The title we give him doesn’t hold as much weight as a lot of us are making it out to be. Let’s try to be neutral here and stick to the hard facts, shall we?

*Sesshomaru is an adult male authority whose protection Rin is under*

*It’s safe to assume that Rin has grown attached to him and maybe even looks up to him*

*They care about each other and the other's well-being*

*He has has played a crucial part in her supervision and care for a significant period of time (yes, even if it’s just passing a message along to Jaken)*

Not so random anecdote: In an Inuyasha episode I recently revisited, Sesshomaru had just rescued Rin from Kohaku who had been possessed by Naraku and was ordered to kill Rin. Anyway, at the end of their scene you can hear Jaken ask out loud, “what should we do for dinner, Lord Sesshomaru?” And that’s about the most domestic thing I’ve ever heard come out of his mouth. They’re such a family dammit and nothing will ever change that!! <3

This is precisely why I could never in a million years view those past students of mine in a romantic light. I don't care how many years have passed, it's just not possible for me. Just the idea of pursuing a romantic and/or sexual relationship absolutely repels me.

Speaking as a former teacher, you don't need to be a parental figure who's around all the time in order to have great love and affection for a child. I would've done absolutely anything in my power to protect them even though they weren't my own. Then again, I did consider them my children in a way even if wasn't in a familial sense. Does that make my love for them any less unique? No, it's just different but not inferior. When you stop to think about, it really doesn't take as long as you may think to establish rapport with a person, particularly children. Connecting with a child is almost instant (but of course some are more receptive than others), and once you do make that special connection one can only make with a child, a strong and overwhelming need to guide and protect them kicks in almost automatically. The unconditional love an adult feels for a child is powerful and constant, and nothing should ever change that. As much as some of you really want to believe otherwise, that feeling doesn’t just go away because they turned 18. In your eyes, they’ll always be that kid.

I get it, sometimes when we escape into these fictional worlds of ours, it's difficult not to project our own wishes and desires onto certain characters. I don't blame fans for picturing themselves with Sesshomaru- I know I did haha- but never once did I self-insert myself as Rin. I know she's one of the biggest catalysts for his character growth- if not THE biggest- but how and why does that need to turn romantic? There are other antis who I have spoken with on this. They informed me that they used to live vicariously through Rin and ship them together, as well. As they got older, they later learned how weird and twisted this ship actually was. That's what's supposed to happen, y'all, you're supposed to grow out of that fixation. 

Now take your mind out of the Inuyasha universe for a second and hypothetically (or not hypothetically if you have kids) answer me this: if and/or when you ever have a child, would you genuinely be comfortable with the idea of them dating and eventually marrying their father’s best friend who was also there to witness them grow up? Be honest please. 

I highly doubt you would want that- or at least I hope not. You see, that's another MAJOR point I've made a few times already and yet you Sessrin shippers continue to avoid the question. It's pretty obvious it hasn't been rhetorical either. Ignorance is bliss?

Finally, I’d like to address one more point. It seems there is a HUGE misconception and I'd like to clear it up real quick. That is Sessrin shippers misinterpret one of the issues we have with this ship. They chalk up our complaints of Sessrin being canon (which is a LIE, nothing has been confirmed yet) to us just being salty because that somehow means our ships aren't or won’t be. I assure you, readers, other antis and I will attest that this ain't about dumb shipping wars, this is so much bigger than that!!!

I noticed recently that some Sessrin fans have even begun calling us Karens lolol like if anybody is a Karen it's them! This ain't about some mere difference in taste, this is very likely to have LONG-LASTING NEGATIVE EFFECTS. Sessrin going canon is a very harmful message to send viewers and children/teens especially. So if anything, it’s these shippers who are being the entitled ones here thinking that the fact we don’t support their ship is the worst thing in the world. NO, THE REAL PROBLEM IS CHILD GROOMING. GET OVER YOURSELF.

Out of nowhere, some of them even started assuming all us antis were white, which in their books is also equivalent to Karens or even white supremacists somehow?? Those aren't one in the same, but it's easy to make it appear that way when the US is currently tackling major systems of oppression and racial injustice. Because to them, all antis must be from over here. (Yes, I'm American. But no, I'm not white.) How else can anyone explain not shipping Sessrin, right?! Somehow they have it in their heads that ALL of Japan and surrounding places are super approving of this ship, and that everyone else isn’t because of their upbringing and “Western way of thinking.”  

To give you an idea of what I mean, look back at what I talked about earlier with their incessant mention of Sessrin vs. Inukag. Because THIS is another popular example of how these shippers present their side and then ignore all the facts. Many fans have already proven how fucked up and inaccurate it is to label whole countries and cultures. It’s like they simply think mentioning it makes it count even though we’ve discredited their points over and over. Nah, you got to back it up with good reasons that support your side of the argument. That’s How To Have An Argument: 101. So at the end of the day, all they're actually achieving in doing is making dumb and entirely unrelated accusations based on nothing just to lead to deductions that are equally unfounded. Nothing at all is accomplished but more gaslighting and hurling of insults on their part = a complete waste of time for antis = an excuse for them to peace out early from the conversation & that’s what they wanted all along

We’ve reached the end (finally! sorry for all the rambling!), and I hope those of you who stayed till the end or read enough can take something positive out of this. As many Inuyasha fans are aware, there will be a livestream with the VAs for Sesshomaru and Rin coming out within the next few hours. We don’t have all the details yet, and afterwards we probably still won’t. I’m not just talking about Sessrin here but about the sequel in general. Whatever happens, please just remember to be kind to one another. If you don’t think you’re capable of doing that, then it’s best you vent and fume elsewhere. Easier said than done, I know, but just try. Throughout this blog, I admit there were moments where I got frustrated and took some jabs at Sessrin shippers. Please believe me when I say that I do not and would not ever wish any of you ill will. 

Inuyasha was such a huge part of my childhood, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m anxious as hell that Sunrise will ruin one of the best things I loved about this show. So pardon me if my reactions are too visceral for your liking. haha Also, like the movies and the drama cd, this sequel is not in fact canon. Therefore, for those of you who disagree or who still plan to enjoy this new series, respect the fact that some of us fans will definitely “cancel” it if we feel that’s what we have to do to come to terms with it and move on. Fans have that right, after all. Why should we get on board with something if it’s so uncharacteristic of and unrecognizable from the original source material? If all this is some sort of cash grab of Sunrise’s doing, then count me out. I truly hope that this sequel turn outs being a lot more promising than a lot of us are expecting. I’m begging you, Sunrise, I wanna believe you’re better than this. Please and thank you!   

By the way, if you’re interested, feel free to check out my two other blogs on this same subject. Click here and here. The last two screenshots do not come from something I’ve written myself. If you’d like to read more from where those came from, let me know and I’d be more than happy to send you the links. Okay, bye for now. Peace out and stay safe, everyone! 

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

04. The Apex Begins

AU Grace and Simon story. Takes place in the instance that they never got on the train, but crossed paths and became friends. But, for the sake of anyone who wants to view it as a series, I’ll number them. 2468 Words TW for violence, mental health discourse, unresolved trauma

NOTE: I wanted to sort of put the concept of “the apex” into the story without actually having a cult of children. I think that the circumstances of the train led to the philosophy going that far, but I still think that in real world situations, both of these characters would both 1. be prone to violence and 2. develop an us vs them mindset.

Previous

This was who they were together. Grace and Simon. She would venture into town, figure out some excuse, and he would meet her. They traveled the city together, taking whatever they wanted, because rich people sucked and if you owned a business, you were rich and deserved whatever happened. They got into scuffles with people who seemed to disrespect one or both of them. They instantly went into defensive mode over each other. 

Neither was afraid to resort to violence, because that’s just what you did for friends. You did anything that they needed. You did whatever you had to do. That was a good sign of survival of the fittest. That was the proof that you were better than everybody else - that you were the apex of human evolution. 

If you had to answer to people and were afraid to challenge them and fight for yourself and your loved ones - you were less than nothing. You were a “null.” Grace and Simon had decided that they would never be like that, and they didn’t have to be, because they had each other. He thought she was a true queen, and she trusted him with her life. 

She lost her driver over it. That was one of the things that she did hate, because he sort of had to suffer for her to be able to have this solid friendship with Simon, and she loved her driver and everything...

But he wasn’t Simon, so he could be sacrificed. He had to be. She had come back to the car with a huge plug of her hair missing and she laughed it off and said that she had gotten caught on something on the train and accidentally ripped it out. That was actually partially true. 

A woman on the train got herself into a fight with Grace. She was some college lady, making faces whenever Grace and Simon were talking too loud and practically snarling at Grace. Simon began to imitate her, and she sat there growing red in the face, obviously noticing them, but whenever Grace joined in to make fun of her as well, she got irate. They called each other names and Grace dared the woman to hit her, so... she was willing to sort of take responsibility for the fact that the woman came through on the dare and slapped her right in the face. Grace laughed, but also charged towards her...

The woman had taken a handful of her hair after an argument that escalated into violence, into her punching the woman in the gut while she clutched Grace’s hair trying to get her off, and it didn’t end until Simon had dragged the woman off of the train in a choke hold and threw her down on the terminal, ready to stomp the life out of her. The woman shielded herself with both of her arms, praying that this boy didn’t kick her. Fortunately for her, he didn’t. He wanted to and definitely would have after the way that she’d attacked Grace, but Grace stopped him. 

She pointed to a surveillance camera, with her other arm blocking her face from it.  She and Simon took off running, leaving an almost passed out (obnoxious) college student with a bruised midsection and holding a plug of hair in her fist. Simon stole Grace a mask not too long after. He had nothing to lose as far as he was concerned, but her family was well known in this place and she did worry about them knowing about this part of her life.

The driver had been going through months of covering for Grace, but this missing plug of hair - he had to take action. She’d told her lie and her mother stressed over all of her beautiful hair that they had to shave off, but she spun in that Grace was doing “the big chop” and going natural… Grace was kinda into that. She often had curly styles, but her hair wasn’t that type of curly, so work went into her look. Work that she hopefully wouldn’t have to go through for a while, now that she was starting her hair journey over. In her video chat with Simon afterwards, he thought it was an amazing look for her, so she quickly got over it.

The driver spoke with her parents, admitting that he allowed her to spend time with a friend in town sometimes, (he didn’t give them details about Simon specifically), but that he honestly thought that she might need some professional help, because she always came back banged up or covered in something suspicious. She’d freshen up and change in the car and clean out the backseat with extreme diligence and tell them a lie about where she had been. Well… This was not only news to them, but HAD to have been fake news.

They weren’t sure why he would LIE this way about their perfect child, but they knew he was, because there was no way Grace would EVER stand up against them. 

“I think that she may need some serious help.”

“You are the help,” Mrs. Monroe told him.

“I’m not the kind of help that Grace needs…” He started.

“You’re right,” Mr. Monroe told him. “You’re obviously useless. Expect your last paycheck in the mail. We no longer require your services.” Whenever Grace was sent for, she passed the driver on the way to the living room. He looked sad and wished her well as they crossed paths. “Grace!” Her father called. She jumped and ran into the room. “We’ve let your driver go.”

She gasped and placed her hand over her heart, “Oh my God! What happened, Daddy?”

Her mother spoke, “He suggested that you need help. We gathered that he was insinuating psychiatric help, from the tales he was spinning about your behavior in the city.” Grace froze and touched the spot where the missing plug of hair had been. That must have been it. The thing that was about to lose her everything that she had formed with Simon… “Of course, we know that he is mistaken. We didn’t raise someone that weak or lazy.” Grace’s eyes were large and damp. She nodded. “IF you needed help… that would be very unfortunate. A lot of work would be down the drain.”

Grace’s throat was dry as she said, “I’ve told you everything that happens whenever I go into town. I;m not sure why he would say that I’ve done anything wrong. I would never embarrass you.”

Both of her parents advanced on her and she was frozen still, unsure of what would happen next. They both gave her a hug and told her that was the perfect response. “Imagine! Our daughter needing help, aside from the likes of the staff? I never thought that I would ever hear something so ridiculous,” her mother said, then quickly grabbed her by the chin harder than she knew was out of love and the threatening look in her eyes confirmed that much as she said, through the teeth of her smile, “And we’d better not ever hear such a thing about you again.” She nodded, terrified. 

Mrs. Monroe let go of her face and Mr. Monroe simply gave her a look, the look that told her he knew that she was lying and he was disappointed in her. At least he wasn’t saying so. But, Grace was both relieved and shaken up. 

So, they gave Grace a new driver, and Grace explained to him straight out of the gate the way it was going to work for them to function and him to keep his job. He was younger than her last driver, and didn’t mind letting her sneak off and enjoy herself. Her parents were total hardasses,so he understood her desire to get some time away sometimes. Plus, he had no idea the kinds of things she got up to whenever she left the vehicle. He didn’t know that the last driver was absolutely right and that she probably did seriously need some help. Unfortunately, she didn’t know it either. She just knew that she had to be more careful.

A mask helped, and because she had the body of a dancer, some counter culture street wear and a shaved head, people often seemed to think that there were two boys terrorizing them. Simon shaved the back of his head in solidarity, but she thought he did it to look “even more broody.”

Any time that Grace and Simon engaged with someone in conflict, Simon had a habit of taking something off of them and giving it to Grace. Her collection was getting pretty big. She kept all of the trinkets in her hope chest. The thing was just symbolic, anyways. She was never gonna get married and she wasn’t sure that her parents honestly expected her to.

Compromise only went so far with the Monroes. Grace had become brave enough to make suggestions in her sweetest voice without paralyzing fear, but she definitely still felt afraid whenever she did speak up. Being 14 and old enough to go to high school, she REALLY wanted to finally be able to go be with other kids! She wanted to meet other people and find out things that they had in common or whatever else teenagers did when they got to high school. And, fortunately for her, her father was sure that another recession was coming and didn’t mind saving a little on private instructors… 

HOWEVER, she definitely wasn’t going to be allowed to go to Simon’s school (the school she’d suggested). So, they enrolled her into the most prestigious private school in town. 

Whenever she found out that she would be going, she asked Simon if it was at all possible for him to go to that school too. After two full minutes of him laughing in her face, to the point of belly ache and tears, he cleared his throat, wiped his eyes and reminded her, “That place is for rich kids.”

It just so happened that she had read about this school and there were multiple programs in which less fortunate students could earn scholarships. She had known Simon for almost 4 years and had seen him be very good at many things that required mental intelligence and/or technical skill. He was good at creating things, building stuff, writing, photography.... There had to be something he was good enough at to gain a scholarship.

“There is literally nothing that I’m good enough at to get a scholarship into a school like that,” he said, while she was pacing and talking to herself about all of the things that Simon was great at, going down the list out loud to come up with a plan to get him into school with her. He rolled his eyes and went back to typing on the hand me down laptop that he’d gotten from her whenever her parents bought her a new one. Simon really appreciated that Grace thought so highly of his skills, but he knew that the school wouldn’t share her affinity for him or any of his skills. 

She sputtered air through her lips - a habit that she’d had for many years, and then she looked up and said, “Write an essay about your family.” He tensed up, frowned and stared at her. 

Grace smiled, put her hands behind her back and sauntered over to him. “It sounds painful right now, BUT this will not only give you a chance to get out some of the stress that you hold inside, keeping it all in, it’ll ALSO be just what those stuffy adults on the board need to have some mercy on us and let you into the school. I’ve read somewhere that it doesn’t help to hold things in. Think of it as... journaling, but for your future!”

Simon did journaling, sort of. He definitely wrote about his life, but translated it into fantasy, outside of his manifesto, of course. But, that wasn’t the point right now. “You think that telling people that I accidentally let my baby sister die, which caused my mom to become so angry at me that she devolved into this abusive and suicidal phantom that lives in our house, and made my father neglect me and her, up until he reenlisted in the military and left me to take care of somebody who absolutely hates me - is a good thing to tell a place with an upstanding reputation?”

She winced with every word he said. She had been around for most of that and had been the only person to see him through most of it. But, now, she was telling him exactly this. “I think that this kind of stuff, while atrocious and painful to US, is like a drug to them. They wanna take you and say, look how I’ve fixed this up. They want to take your pain and make it into a story that they can brag about.”

“And why would I want them to do that?” he asked, shivering at the thought of anybody else but her and Samantha to ever learn about his family issues. Journaling was one thing, but this was something different and it felt extremely uncomfortable.

“It’s not that you would want to do it. It’s that it would be a way for us to be in school together,” she said. 

“It’s asking a lot, Grace.” He set the laptop aside and shook his head, “I wanna be with you. You know I do, but it’s really asking a lot.”

She lowered her head, nodded, and flopped down on the seat next to him on her cushioned reading bench. “You’re right. I’m so sorry that I suggested that. I guess desperation made me weird. I don’t see the point of even going to school and meeting other people if I don’t have you there with me. You’re kinda like the other side of me that my parents never let bloom. Me in a new school surrounded by all those strangers without you… That’s gonna be like me navigating life chopped in half. I know that I can't be my best there without “us.” I guess I panicked and didn’t think about what it would mean for you to have to think about the way your adults have done you.” She clasped her hands together, sputtered out some air, and rested her lips against them, silently praying for some type of plan or something.

He didn’t like the condition she was in and now he felt guilty. “Okay,” Simon said. He reached over and covered her clasped hands with one of his own and pulled her into a hug with his other arm. “I’ll do it.” He was shivering and she wanted to tell him not to worry about it, that it was too much to ask and if he didn’t want to, not to do it for her benefit. But, she was 14, and very selfish. So, all she did was smile at him and push some strands of hair from his face. Their faces were really close, but she didn’t really ever think about stuff like that. There wasn’t any “personal space” between them. He was her other half and that meant his personal space was simply an extension of hers. He had other thoughts about it, but he certainly wasn’t going to say so.

He blushed and grabbed his laptop. “I’m gonna work on it at home, though…” They told each other everything, but he didn’t necessarily trust himself to be presentable as he relived some of these things about his life. He didn’t want her to see him crying or having a tantrum or tugging at his own hair to redirect his pain. He wanted privacy to dissect his heart this way. He wanted discretion. He didn’t want to look weak. You couldn’t extend to the apex by being weak.

She was looking in the mirror and admiring her face, seemingly oblivious to the turmoil he was facing by agreeing to this. He understood. He often admired her face too, though he didn’t know how to tell her that the rest of them were a little luckier… She looked even prettier in front of you than she did in her reflection. She smiled at him and squinted her eyes, “What?”

“Nothing! I’m going now. Bye.”

“Until later!” she cheered. She had no idea how hard his night was about to be. She didn’t even ask… but he also didn’t tell her...

Next

[hecohansen31]

The Magic Words Is:

F&R! Michael Langdon+Inscure! Reader

(A/N): Hello there, lovely!

This suckety suck...

But also I don’t like keeping my things to myself and also... honestly... you have read worse from me, so...

This came up when I was talking with @blakewaterxx and she jokingly said, after I apologized a few too many times that if I kept doing that she would make Michael punish me... and I took it a bit more seriously than I should have... 

So here comes this...

Have fun reading it!

Let me know what you think, and I also let’s hope this doesn’t die as my all my fics lately... I am just too done to deal with that right noq!

WARNINGS: Dom-Sub Relationship, Spanking, Punishment, Sexual Themes, Mention of Sexual SItuations, Nudity, Mention of Self-Harm.

It wasn’t that Michael despised that you had this kind of gentleness and frailty to you.

No, he actually enjoyed it.

But he couldn’t tolerate anybody else taking advantage of it.

Aside him, obviously.

It was mostly because it would show some kind of emotion he had defined as weak since it would show your submission to someone else…

… that wasn’t him.

That morning: Jeff and Mutt had tormented you for the entire morning under Michael’s attentive gaze, and although he had wanted to intervene, he couldn’t do much, mostly because you personally didn’t want him to intervene in your work life, but also because he had wanted to see how far this would all go.

To see if you would fight them back.

Through the entire morning you had bended yourself to Jeff and Mutt’s will, the two cokeheads taking extreme advantage of your willingness to please, till it brought you over to the edge of a big psychotic attack, since their coke-burned brain thought that you could much more than it was humanly possible.

But you instead of shutting them off or fighting them off… you had continued on undergoing their humiliations, but worse of all, apologizing for any mistake they made you notice, although half the time it wasn’t your fault, and the other half… you didn’t do it on purpose.

He hated whenever you would apologize with no reason for it.

He desperately had tried to force that attitude away from you, in a calm way, simply trying to make you notice the error of your way, but apparently it wasn’t enough.

He had to use something that would get into your little insecure mind.

He had called you after lunch, making sure that the two cokeheads watched as his arrival accidentally burned their newest stash of purest coke and he made no secret of his link to you.

You never wanted to let your relationship be out in public, so this was a big no against all your rules.

“It wouldn’t be professional” you chanted gently, whenever the argument would be brought up, as he looked at you confused, mostly because he knew how much you liked being taken over the desk at work, but he didn’t dare intervene on such things, preferring to leave you the control of it.

But he had had enough, today.

“Mr Langdon, what did you need me for?” your eyes shone already bright as you closed the door behind you and he settled on his work-chair, preparing yourself to a session of hard sex, knowing all too well that Michael was a man that liked to be pleased at his own orders and commands and who requested extreme discipline.

“(Y/N)” but something broke your mental scenario as you heard him calling you like that.

You usually roleplayed since it was a kink you both shared, mostly if something was going down in the office, but whenever he called by your name not only it meant he wasn’t in the mood to play, but he wanted the true “(Y/N)”, not some doe-eyed and sex-starved secretary as in your shared fantasies.

It also, most of the time, meant trouble.

“Michael” you knew better than to answer with anything other than his name, since it shared some kind of deep intimacy Michael ached for, more than the sex and the thrill.

“… you do realize what you did today, don’t you?”.

You actually didn’t but you also knew that if Michael was using that tone you had done something bad for sure so there was no use in pretending.

“I don’t know, sir, but I am sure that it was something bad” because whenever you were Michael’s “good girl” he wouldn’t have that flaming look.

“Then why don’t we go over your morning?” he replied, mentioning for you to sit onto his lap, something that made you huff a breath of relief, although you knew it wasn’t over.

But the fact that you were allowed to touch Michael was something that made you truly happy, and wouldn’t always be allowed during your punishments, making everything even more hurtful.

“… I came in early as always…” mostly because it would be just you and Michael and more time than not, before he had to give an important discourse, he would love to have a quickie with you, so you had to be there for him… or you might get punished.

(One time you hadn’t been able to come at work because of a terrible stomach flu and hadn’t even been able to raise from the bed to tell the Cooperative that you would be taking a sick day and Michael had strangely surprised you to your apartment.

You had half-expected him to want sex or anything, but he had just explained to you all the research he had done on how to cure stomach flu, parading yourself with an entire pharmacy, and asking whether you felt up to eat something so that he could order someone to cook it for you.

You had tried to excuse your terrible state, but Michael had ignored all your “sorry”s and just pushed you again in bed, gently pushing away your sweat-filled hair from your forehead, meanwhile he cooed you to sleep and relax).

And from that memory you realized what you had done wrong.

“…is this because I said ‘sorry’ too many times?” because Michael had shushed you every time it would happen, mostly when it was about things you couldn’t control, like Jeff and Mutt’s stupidity.

He smirked, but his smile was in no way reassuring.

“Oh, don’t I have a smart girl on my lap?” he praised you and gently leaned down to kiss you, his hand securely lacing though your hair pulling on them lightly, but enough to make you moan in his mouth “… then you’ll know what you get for this”.

You nodded, already trying to make your way to his laps, in order to lay with your tummy flat against his them, but he kept his hold onto your hair tight, keeping you in place.

“… but first I need you to tell me what you did wrong and why it is so wrong”.

His tone was extremely honeyed, and he made sure to look at you in the eyes, another technique that you couldn’t stand, since when he had first met you, you would barely be able to hold his gaze, and although it still embarrassed you, mostly during sex, you had gotten better.

And Michael didn’t mind the little blush on your cheeks.

He actually cherished it.

“I showed no concern for my own physical and mental health, letting those two idiots…” Michael’s grin grew bigger, since before him you wouldn’t have even brought yourself to think even something remotely wrong about your colleagues, but he had influenced you, in some way…

… well it truly showed that he could corrupt even the purest of souls.

“Continue, (Y/N)”.

You trembled at the mention of your name, and he gently pushed a kiss onto your forehead: the stillness in his movement acting as some kind of calm before the storm.

“… and I let them bully me, and most importantly I acted as if it was my fault for every mistake they had done, hence apologizing uselessly and degrading myself to a position that doesn’t belong to me”.

“What is your natural position, lovely?” he asked and grabbed strongly onto your chin, making you face him, feeling the slight warmth of your heated cheeks.

“By your side, on your lap or down on my knees…” you replied, without thinking, something that pleased Michael to his oblivion, since he was rather glad that his pet knew her place “… solely belonging to you”.

“That is a good answer, sweetheart” he mumbled, but his gaze didn’t show any kind of mercy and he didn’t help you in the slightest as you pushed yourself to face the desk, moving your body so that your arms could rest onto it, meanwhile you moved away from Michael’s lap, pushing your toes to meet the ground and stay there.

Then your spread your thighs, although you didn’t dare to remove your skirt.

It was a frilly thing that Michael had gotten you for a day-event you had attended with him.

He hadn’t minded too much about the design or the price the most important thing to him was the easy access of the entire thing, barely needing for Michael to raise it and push your underwear apart to enter you.

…had you worn panties.

Which didn’t happen today.

Michael snickered at your improper condition and gently mouthed a small kiss onto your shoulder, over the silky fabric of your blouse, and then he blew some soothing air in your ear, making you shiver, the perfect occasion for him to remind you to stay still.

“I’ll need you to count…” he whispered in your ear, gently palming your perfect ass, a little lighter than the rest of your body, almost as a proof of your innocence, which he couldn’t wait to taint “… or I’ll lose the count and end up being a bit too rough, understood, lovely?”.

You nodded, but to Michael it wasn’t enough and pulled again on your hair.

“… yes, sir” you mumbled, and he welcomed your obedience with a caress on your lower back, which, although had some kind of calming effect, it didn’t make you less aware of what was going to happen.

“They’ll be fifteen slaps” he explained to you, meanwhile he got the skirt completely out of the way and you gripped onto the edge of his desk “… one for each time you said ‘sorry’, today“.

You rolled your eyes (you were almost thankful that he couldn’t see your face) at the thought that he had actually counted them.

You knew it pissed him off, but you didn’t expect him to get this serious about it, although it all worked in your favor, seeing as you could already feel wetness between your thighs and arousal pool in your stomach, making you quite excited.

You already knew it would have been a tough session, it always happened when you weren’t roleplaying.

But you were ready for it.

You almost ached for it.

“Understood, sir”.

The first slap was always the hardest one, and not because Michael could be vicious, but more because of the surprise effect it always had, not matter the fact that you knew it would be coming.

You swallowed and Michael hung his hand back, waiting for your response which came in a low squeal, mumbling “one” and a “thank you, sir”.

He smirked satisfied and leaned closer to you, who immediately shifted lightly away from him, again for the surprise and anxiety than for the actual hurt, which was soothed by his big hand, gently palming it.

“Good girl…” he mumbled in your ear, before he laid there a kiss, his hair tickling your shoulder.

The praise and the tickling sensation made you giggle, but another slap shushed you, pushing you further away on the desk.

The came an another.

And a fourth one.

Fifth and sixth where were you got used to the feeling, the constant burn of your ass, dulling a bit the following hits, meanwhile wetness kept on dribbling from your cunt

As you went to reach your tenth slap, you were lightly overwhelmed, since Michael had slapped your cunt instead of your ass, on the previous, making you yelp at the pleasurable pain and you were sure that one of your manicured nail had etched itself on his desk, at the sudden wave of pleasure.

You tried to calm your breath but the tenth was too sudden, again hitting your clit and setting it on fire and you screamed more out of instinct than actual thought:

“Yellow”.

Yellow was the color to make Michael slow down and he did, gently pushing himself away from you, meanwhile you took some deep breaths, trying to shift away your focus from your cunt and ass, both aching, but for different reason, hence making you even more confused and overwhelmed.

Michael brushed some strands of hair away from your face and solely in that moment you realized they were drenched with sweat, and your bottom lip being not only swollen from your compulsive biting, but also wet due to the saliva that had gotten on it.

“Was it too much” he asked, trying to keep his tone even and neutral.

He wanted to seem distanced, as he always did when you would either say your safe-word.

He thought that he could pretend he didn’t care, but you knew all too well he did.

He would hug you a bit too tight after those session, worried that you might run away.

“No, I just need a breather” you commented as soon as you regained your voice, calming yourself from the messy sensations going through your body, trying to focus on regaining control over it, meanwhile Michael gently caressed your back.

“I am ok, you can start again, sir” you commented once you felt comfortable again, gently setting down so that you wouldn’t get stabbed in the stomach by Michael’s laptop onto the desk.

He set himself up behind you, again, but before he went on to carry on the rest of the punishment he pulled you against him and not only you felt his breath against your ear, but you understood that you weren’t the only one affected by this situation, feeling him gently press his hard length against you.

“Do I have to avoid something, (YN)?” again your name meant that he was serious, and you just shook your head, but Michael needed again vocal confirmation.

“No, I am fine” and when he searched your eyes, you added “... seriously”.

At the start of your relationship you had used the harsh sex and the punishments as a way to cope with some awful things that had been going through you, hence it had been extremely painful for you, enough that although you should have safe-worded, you hadn’t.

This had reached a point that broke you internally, and Michael had known it…

… and he had brought you back from it.

He knew that he was supposed to be happy of your broken and corrupted soul, but he had realized that you didn’t deserve it.

And that was the moment he had realized that he loved you.

And would cherish you and protect you to the end of the world.

“… then you have five more, don’t you”.

You nodded your head eagerly, opening your mouth to answer him and he made you close it with a harsh slap, although he avoided your cunt this time, hitting the fullness of your blossom, so the hit was less painful.

The twelfth wasn’t, since he hit were the skin was more red and hurt, and you were sure that his handprint would already show on your ass and they would remain for even the following day.

You didn’t mind it.

The thirteenth was also strong and the fourteenth was slowed only by Michael’s own hand hurting, and it stilled on your ass, slowly moving to cup your cunt, making you gasp lowly and you closed your eyes at the sudden sensation of pleasure, already ready for the fifteenth slap to end this torment.

Would you have to beg Michael for the sweet release, or would he have given it to you as a reward?

“Sometimes I wonder whether I am truly punishing or indulging your little flaws” he mumbled, against your ear.

You could feel his hand being left in the air, halfway through meeting your ass, and you closed your eyes, squeezing them together, already ready for the pain.

But the fifteenth slap was a simple pat on your ass.

Which didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt, since your ass was irritated and swollen, but wasn’t what you expected, showing you a softness which was unusual with Michael, but you knew he held just for you.

It was what had brought you back after you had been thoroughly broken.

Michael wasn’t careful with you as a china-doll but he surely knew better than you your body.

“… but I also can’t deny that this has some kind of allure to me too” he said as he cupped your cunt and collected some wetness from there, swiftly turning you around and pushing you onto the desk, his laptop effectively burying and marking your back, but you didn’t care.

Not as Michael tasted you as if you were his favorite meal, gently swirling his tongue around his finger in a show of tongue that almost got impressed in your mind, and made you ignore his question.

This time a light tap was delivered to your thigh making you bite down onto your tongue and Michael sent you a harsh glare, although he did repeat what he asked of you.

“Why did I punish you pet?”.

“Because I put my health to risk, undervaluing myself” you knew it.

It was hard to fight that sense when you just felt so damn insecure all the time.

But slowly Michael was making it all better.

“It wasn’t you who was bad, was it?” he mumbled, gently pushing his fingers away from your thighs, moving onto your inner thighs, meanwhile he came closer enveloping you gently, being careful to avoid brushing your ass.

“No, it wasn’t me who was bad, it was my actions that were bad”.

“… and bad actions always have consequences” he finished softly, before he suddenly sank to his knees, between your thighs, a truly magical sight “… but good ones do also have some consequences. Are you ready pet for your reward?”.

Well this time, all you could say was “thank you”.

---

Tagging some of the few that are on my taglist:

@blakewaterxx @emmyrosee @1-800-bitchcraft @rocketgirl2410 @ladynuwanda @frenchbread4ever @lovelylangdonx @kaetastic @lathraios @rosegoldrichie

[theatresteph]

Is it healthy? Bellarke vs Clexa, as shown in 3x05 and 3x03

I was texting a friend about The 100 and Bellarke and Clexa, and basically I spiralled and wrote this whole thing by the end, so buckle up if you’re down 😂. And I’m going to make it clear now that, as much as I love discourse from different perspectives, I don’t tolerate rude comments, so be polite if you choose to respond. And it should go without saying that this post is Bellarke-biased, though my points are valid and true to canon.

This is a compare and contrast of two crucial scenes for Clexa and Bellarke, demonstrating how Clarke’s relationship with Bellamy is far more healthy than it ever was with Lexa. Through these essential scenes of character and relationship development, we can see the greatest example of the key difference between the relationships and why one is healthier for Clarke than the other.

(Pardon my essay-style tone here, I’ve been writing academic papers for over a week now and like the pattern)

And in case anyone chooses to bash this without even reading it, I’d like to make it clear that Clexa as a relationship did have it’s good moments and I talk about those as well.

When I compare what makes Bellarke healthy to what I think makes Clexa unhealthy (aside from A LOT of obvious things), I keep remembering 3x05.

Like Clexa in 3x03, they're at odds because of politics and Mt Weather and how this is the first time they've really spoken to each other since it happened. The most important similarity is that, in both conversations, a lot of blame is being placed on Clarke for Mt Weather, even though Lexa knows that it was her choice of accepting the deal that forced Clarke into that position, and Bellamy knows that every awful decision up-to and including pulling the lever (with his help) that he's throwing at her are choices that she didn't make lightly and that she made because she was pushed into the situation when all she wanted was a peaceful solution the entire time.

They both KNOW that she isn't entirely responsible for everything that happened, and they both know that she already blames herself, and adding to her pain by saying this to her isn't what she needs to forgive herself in the long run. But the difference? Lexa says it coldly and with extremely little emotion because, as she says, she needs something from Clarke, and reinforcing her guilt makes her want to continue being distant from her people and only be vulnerable with Lexa. And to be fair, I'm sure that some of this encouragement of her guilt was because she genuinely believed that it was in Clarke's interest to be harder and more Head like her, and it’s Lexa’s nature to be hard and extremely limited in expressing emotion, even to those she trusts, cares for and loves most, but it can't be forgotten that Lexa was actively hoping that Clarke would choose to stay with her in the tower, alone with her and distant from her people, helping in the war against Azgeda as a pawn. A powerful one, but still a minor player to serve Lexa.

But Bellamy... the difference is PROFOUND!

Everything he said to her, we know he didn't mean most of it, didn't want to add to her pain, but it was the explosion of everything he'd felt since they pulled the lever. He never got the chance to be angry with her about TonDC even though we know he understood why she did it, never got to tell her any of his feelings about the trauma of the mountain, and most of all, never got to work through pulling the lever because he couldn't do that without her, couldn't break down over it because he had to stay in Arkadia and take care of their people, like she asked him to, like he knew he had to because that's who he is. He couldn't do any of those things he needed to do desperately because she left him.

I'm positive he even hates himself inside for letting her go, for loving her so much that he, once again, disregarded his own wants and needs so that he could give her what she insisted she needed.

Loving her is why he let her go, why he didn't do everything he could to make her stay, or go with her, and when you add that anger and pain onto LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE, there came an inevitable point where he couldn't keep hiding it from her, and, like Octavia said later in the season, he was hurting and he lashed out, not just when he joined Pike after the Mt Weather bombing, but in this pivotal moment.

Honestly, the only way he held back in this scene was from outright saying "You were my partner, my best friend, the person I needed the most. I loved you, and YOU LEFT ME! I know why you did, and I couldn't bare to deny you what you needed, but what about what I needed, Clarke? I needed you, loved you, and you were gone. And for some fucked up reason, I STILL love you, but you don't get to come to me today and tell me what I need to do, or that YOU need ME, when you left me TWICE".

That’s where the original conversation ends about Bellarke. Using only these 2 scenes as a basis, it’s extremely obvious which relationship is healthier, but I’m not one of those people who watches scenes in isolation, and there are FAR more examples that exemplify why Clarke’s relationship with Bellamy has always been far more balanced than her relationship with Lexa, this is just the most crucial to me.

I can’t say that there is any period of Clexa’s relationship that I found healthy, because either there was a clear imbalance of power (most heavy in season 3 because Clarke is no longer the leader of Skaikru and staying in Polis to continue to run from her guilt and grief) or there’s a sense of manipulation or isolation in their interactions (e.g. TonDC). This is my opinion and I stand by it. 

Every time I’ve rewatched the show in it’s entirety and their scenes in isolation, I can’t help but be bothered by the fact that so much (if not all) of their romantic moments occur when Clarke is feeling alone and distanced from her friends and family. I can’t emphasise enough how unhealthy and detrimental that is for Clarke! Loving someone just because no one else is able or willing to support you or relate to you is not indicative of a strong relationship.

I hated the master-student dynamic where Lexa was imparting her “wisdom” onto Clarke - the “love is weakness” bs being the most prevalent - because it elevates Lexa’s position while devaluing Clarke’s, as if she isn’t the most commanding person in all of Skaikru! This did change in the moment that is, in my opinion, the best of all Clexa scenes; the confrontation scene in 2x14. This is my favourite of their scenes together because it’s about Clarke reasserting herself and defending Octavia, her friend who, even though she just judged her for TonDC, she cares about and won’t let Lexa kill just because she is a risk to Lexa’s reputation. I love this scene because Clarke refuses to let Lexa dominate or coerce her to accept her position and calls her out on her facade of coldness. What makes this scene great is that it’s one of the few moments where I truly feel like Clarke is an equal in their relationship, and the fact that it doesn’t come off that way in most of their moments is telling of how lacking it is in balance.

I also have to point out that, in all of these moments except for when Clarke sends Bellamy into Mt Weather and chooses to stay in Polis (moments that feel more about Bellarke), Bellamy is absent, and not just that he’s not in the room, he’s actually well over a mile away, in a completely different place and position from her. One has to wonder whether this relationship would have been able to develop at all if Bellamy had been around to balance Clarke like he always does. I doubt it. Bellamy is canonically her best friend by the time she and Lexa meet, and yet this relationship happens during the times when he’s absent from her life, both times having pushed him away because either “love is weakness” or because she can’t face him while she’s in pain after Mt Weather. I said it before and I’ll say it again; a relationship that develops when you’re essentially isolated from your friends and family is unlikely to be a lasting one. I feel like I’ve made my point.

Now, I do want to state that the fact that I believe the relationship was mostly unhealthy does not mean that it had no value. On the contrary, it had a lot of value! Clarke learned a lot about herself and the kind of leader she wants to be, and Lexa was able to find love again after trauma convinced her that her feelings were dangerous and limiting. When they said goodbye and had sex in 3x07, they knew they were probably saying goodbye for good, and they accepted it and chose to make the most of it. I do love this moment too because it’s actually very healthy; they know they can’t stay together even though they both want to, and they know it’s because, even if they were living in peace, they would never be able to choose each other over their people as long as they’re leaders. What came after was poorly done, but this moment was touching and should be celebrated. They got to say goodbye, and I hate that Clarke immediately had to lose her and feel that significant trauma, but I’m glad that they also got to say goodbye one final time in the City of Light. This closure is comparatively much better than how her relationship with Finn ended, and I’m glad she got to have that, though I’m looking forward to her finally finding lasting love and happiness, and I do believe she will find that with Bellamy.

On that note, I believe I’m done. I can’t wait for season 7 to air in under a month! Bellarke endgame 2020!!!!

[princess-of-france]

I’m interested in your take on Angelo & Isabella w/ personality parallels (also just your opinion on Angelo especially tbh because I feel like I under-analyzed him when I read the play bc I was just. Well, found him scary :P) because obviously w/ your production you’re pretty deep in and I don’t see a lot of MFM content

Oof, this is a loaded question.

I’m happy to answer it, but I think I should make a disclaimer that—as you point out—my opinions of Angelo are skewed by my experiences as an actor inside a specific production. I’m also not an English scholar; I’m a theater artist. My lit crit skills are dodgy at best (as @lizbennett2013 knows all too well), and I don’t believe there is a single way to interpret any character in drama, especially when you’re dealing with heightened text. All I can do is give my honest appraisal of Angelo as I have encountered him dramaturgically through cutting our script, rehearsing Isabella, and seeing his iterations in other productions. 

So! Angelo and Isabella. Two sides of the same coin. I really think they are.

Let’s get the obvious stuff out of the way first: Angelo is scary. He just is. His sexually motivated exploitation of authority continues to be one of the most transcendent aspects of this ever-timely play. However you stage it, however you trim the text, whatever charismatic actor you slot into the role, Angelo is a capital-T-Terror and there’s no getting around it. Coercive, manipulative, hypocritical, ruthless, misogynistic, fraudulent, and cruel, he basically spends the entirety of MEASURE FOR MEASURE committing crimes and then soliloquizing about how painful it all is for his bargain-price conscience. You’ll never hear me say he doesn’t deserve his reputation as one of the most reprehensible tyrants in all of Shakespeare. 

But.

Of the three defining qualities I see in Angelo—ideological dogmatism, rhetorical prowess, and professional pride—there’s not one of them that is not blisteringly prominent in his antagonist, Isabella. Despite the fact that she’s a Catholic republican (“Butt out of people’s lives, Big Government; God will judge us when we die!”) and he’s a Puritan[ical] bureaucrat (“My job is to regulate people’s lives because purgatory is a myth!”), they have far more in common, cognitively, than not. Understand: I’m not saying that Angelo is not a piece of shit for how he behaves throughout course of the play. Nor am I implying that Isabella is somehow culpable for his masturbatory exercise of power over her. My girl has flaws, but she’s unquestionably the hero of M4M. What I’m trying to articulate is that Angelo and Isabella were born with the same psychological toolkit, which they elect to apply towards radically different purposes. (Think Parseltongue and “It is our choices that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities…”) This shared intellectual arsenal is what makes their pair of scenes in Act Two so iconic. We basically get to watch them play out Newton’s Third Law in real time: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction… As far as rhetoric goes, neither Isabella nor Angelo can overwhelm the other. For every argument she makes in favor of mercy, he punctures it with legalism. For every judicial explication he provides, she dissolves it with morality. One minute, we’re nodding our heads along with Angelo as he explains why Christian values should have no place in a court of law; the next, we’re on our feet cheering for Isabella to convince him to factor human integrity into his role as a public servant. I can’t read 2.2 as anything other than the blueprint for every screenplay Aaron Sorkin ever wrote. It is the ultimate courtroom drama.

Just look at the play’s opening act. Angelo’s hasty promotion aside, both he and Isabella begin the story at the lowest rung of their respective vocational ladders: he’s a would-be Chief Justice, she’s a would-be Prioress. Deputy/nun. Politics/religion. Different spheres/same ambition. And, in like true zealots, both Angelo and Isabella express their commitment to their new duties in terms of self-flagellation:

“You may not so extenuate his offenseFor I have had such faults, but rather tell me,When I that censure him do so offend,Let mine own judgment pattern out my deathAnd nothing come in partial.”        (Angelo, II.i.29-33)

“And have you nuns no farther privileges?[…] I speak not as desiring more,But rather wishing a more strict restraintUpon the sisterhood, the votarists of Saint Clare.”        (Isabella, I.iv.1, 3-5)

It’s also worth mentioning that our first introduction to these characters features them scurrying along in the wake of an authority figure they respect. 

Act 1, Scene 1: Angelo wants to know the extent to which he can wield his law degree at the pleasure of the Duke of Vienna (the Duke himself!). 

Act 1, Scene 4: Isabella wants to know the extent to which she can practice self-denial for the glory of God and the approval of Mother Superior. 

They are both drawn to gravitas, to figures who represent order and authority. They are also drawn to discipline. He’s a non-drinking, non-smoking Precision. She’s a gluttony-abhorring Bride of Christ. Let the rest of the world eat cake. They will be eating their sins and purifying their souls, thank you very much.

At the risk of descending into the flaming pits of cliché, I’ll also touch on those three qualities I mentioned earlier, because who says the TPE (Three Paragraph Essay) is dead? 

First up: ideological dogmatism.

[Side note: I may be a crappy historian, but I do recognize there’s a historical paradigm at play in this text. Vienna needs to be a Catholic city and Angelo’s Protestantism needs to be allusive because Shakespeare presumably valued all his limbs and didn’t relish the idea of rotting in a Cheapside prison. If he’d lived in a “free press” kind of sociocultural context, he might have endowed his religious figures with a bit more Opinion. I digress.]

In the M4M-centered episode of Isaac Butler’s phenomenal podcast, “Lend Me Your Ears,” he interviews JohnPaul Spiro (Assistant Director of the School of Liberal Arts, Villanova University), who does a wonderfully unfussy job of summing up the Angelo/Isabella ideology parallel:

“In much the same way as our era is filled with political zealots—as well as, to a certain degree, religious zealots—what you’ll find when you look closer is there’s a small number of very loud people who are dominating the discourse. And a lot of people are in the middle and would rather not have to take sides. Claudio, he seems to be monogamous, he seems to want to just live a very simple life, he’s not really concerned with theological things. And when pressed on theological things, his point is: ‘I don’t really know. No one really knows what happen when you die, so I’m scared.’”

Because religious extremism lies at the heart of the rhetorical warfare between Angelo and Isabella, I think there’s a misconception that M4M is a Play About Religion. But the ONLY characters who canonically go to the mat about the finer points of theology are…wait for it…Angelo and Isabella. This is an early modern text brimming with religious figures (Sister Francisca, Friar Thomas, Friar Peter, even the phony Friar Lodowick), but not a single one of them gets on the pulpit about ANYTHING in the course of the entire play. Sister Francisca’s role consists of bemusedly listening to her youthful novitiate describe her desire for stricter prohibitions at the cloister. Friar Thomas, a sycophantic priest whose parish coffers are probably lined with Vincentio’s gold, spends his one onstage scene nodding his head sympathetically as the Duke over-explains why he is disguising himself as a monk. Friar Peter, the poor Jesuit roped into delivering the Duke’s messages, forgoes moralizing and instead uses his limited dialogue to try to help two disenfranchised women receive justice for their abuse. And Friar Lodowick, of course, is nothing but an alias for a cowardly sociopath who wants to run the world without being held accountable for his mistakes. Nothing evangelical about any of that.

But Angelo and Isabella? They can’t shut up about religion. 

Isabella wants Angelo to temper his punitive Weltanschauung with morality, ideology, Platonic ideals, metaphysics…in short, all of the intangibles that can’t be used as evidence in a court of law. 

“Why, all the souls that were were forfeit onceAnd He that might the vantage best have tookFound out the remedy. How would you be,If He, which is the top of judgment, shouldBut judge you as you are? O, think on thatAnd mercy then will breathe within your lips,Like man new made.”        (Isabella, II.ii.97-103)

Angelo, in turn, wants Isabella to recognize the futility of Catholicism as a proper tool for creating heaven on earth because Catholicism permits withdrawal from the world and the abdication of earthly responsibility (cf: nunnery). Instead, he argues, what God actually needs is for people to actively toil in their communities to criminalize, punish, and eradicate sin. 

“I show [pity] most of all when I show justice,For then I pity those I do not know,Which a dismissed offense would after gall,And do him right that—answering one foul wrong—Lives not to act another.”        (Angelo, II.ii.128-132)

They take up the two sides of a theological debate that predates Christianity: ethics vs. justice. And that conflict is itself inextricably tied to the timeless political debate of non-intervention vs. regulation. And the thing is: even when Angelo and Isabella realize the irreconcilability of their respective schools of thought, they KEEP ARGUING ABOUT IT because extremism is just that: extreme. Angelo and Isabella may be major players in M4M, but they represent the radical minority of their world. They are the “small group of very loud people” and literally everyone is a moderate next to them. Ideology, not desire, is the bedrock of their personhood. When confronted with a person of an uncompromisingly polar viewpoint, they behave as if it might be possible to change the viewpoint of that person because the alternative is to admit defeat. To tragic effect, they hold their ideals more sacred than human life. For Angelo, that ideal is the law (i.e. integrity of action). For Isabella, it’s chastity (i.e. integrity of the soul). They are dogmatic in their beliefs, inflexible in their opinions, and inalienably convinced of their own “rightness.” They are austere, incisive, independent, articulate, and sharp. They are disgusted by the depravity of the world around them and determined to transcend it. What differentiates them is the content of their convictions, but they rate the value of that conviction equally.

So, yes, M4M is a play acutely interested in how religion shapes the law and human behavior. But I would argue that it is really only about one thing: power.

Which brings me to rhetoric.

Angelo and Isabella are lawyers. Both of them. High-powered, quick-thinking, weakness-sniffing, self-righteous litigators. Sure, Isabella may not have the paperwork to prove it; she was conceived by an Englishman in the early 17th century. But much in the same way that it’s obvious to everyone with eyes that would-be nun Maria [von Trapp] is a born music teacher from the first scene of The Sound of Music, so is it evident from Isabella’s first moments onstage that she is a born lawyer. She was, quite simply, born to argue.

Consider her first scene onstage: in the nunnery, with Lucio and Francisca. Unlike the audience, Isabella doesn’t have empirical evidence of Lucio’s amorality and notorious womanizing. She doesn’t need it. She can smell it on him. And in six short lines, she wipes the mosaic-laced marble floor of the cathedral with his ass:

LUCIOCan you so stead meAs bring me to the sight of Isabella,A novice of this place and the fair sisterTo her unhappy brother, Claudio?

ISABELLAWhy her “unhappy brother”? Let me ask,The rather for I now must make you knowI am that Isabella, and his sister.

LUCIOGentle and fair, your brother kindly greets you.Not to be weary with you, he’s in prison.

ISABELLAWoe me, for what?

LUCIOFor that which, if myself might be his judge,He should receive his punishment in thanks:He hath got his friend with child.

ISABELLASir, make me not your story.

LUCIO‘Tis true.I would not, though ‘tis my familiar sinWith maids to seem the lapwing and to jest,Tongue far from heart, play with all virgins so.I hold you as a thing enskied and sainted,By your renouncement an immortal spiritAnd to be talked with in sincerityAs with a saint.

ISABELLAYou do blaspheme the good in mocking me.

        (I.iv.18-40)

I’m not going to venture down the English professor’s rabbit hole of rhetorical devices and syntactical analysis—partly because there are thousands of scholars who have already done it better than I ever could (check out Claire McEachern and Julie Felise Dubiner!) and partly because I’ve been blathering for too long in general. But sufficed to say that three hallmarks of a good lawyer are as follows: 

The ability to seize and repurpose the language of one’s opponent (“Why her ‘unhappy brother?’”)

The ability to spot and sidestep landmines (“Sir, make me not your story.”)

The ability to redirect conversation (“You do blaspheme.”)

By that metric alone, Isabella’s performance here is worthy of the Harvard Law Review. 

And then, of course, two scenes later, she meets her match. 

A dear friend of mine, who is a first-year at Georgetown Law and basically the smartest person I’ve ever met, once told me: “The best and worst thing that can happen to a good lawyer is to meet another good lawyer with different ideas.” I do apologize for invoking Sorkin twice in one essay, but honestly: “The President likes smart people who disagree with him” (Leo, The West Wing, 2x05). It is a truth universally acknowledged that however infuriating it is for a highly intelligent person to debate with an equally intelligent person who disagrees with everything they stand for, it can also be unbelievably stimulating and monumentally entertaining to watch. (Hello, 50 million seasons of Law & Order.)

I’m now two weeks deep into rehearsals for M4M and I still get gobsmacked, daily, by the sheer majesty of Angelo’s and Isabella’s rhetoric. Theirs goes so far beyond the mental agility of anyone else in this play, or even—dare I say it—in Shakespeare’s canon. They are beyond intelligent. They are freaky genius kids with the kind of sanctimonious stubbornness that would be obnoxious if it weren’t so damn compelling. Between the two of them, between their two infamous scenes, they pull out every rhetorical trick in the book and play approximately seventeen unique rounds of intellectual checkers. (I say checkers because chess is too slow for them. If you want chilly brinksmanship, check out the Roman plays. Angelo and Isabella have agendas and professional pride on the line. Time is of the essence.)

ISABELLAI do think that you might pardon him,And neither heaven nor man grieve at the mercy.

ANGELOI will not do it.

ISABELLABut can you, if you would?

ANGELOLook, what I cannot, that I will not do.

ISABELLABut might you do it, and do the world no wrongIf so your heart were touched with that remorseAs mine is to him?

ANGELOHe’s sentenced. ‘Tis too late.

ISABELLA“Too late”? Why, no. I, that do speak a word,Might call it back again.

        (II.ii.67-78 [italics are mine])

Things get even more complicated when they start moving into those same theoretical marshes I described earlier:

“If he had been as you, and you as he,You would have slipped like him, but he like youWould not have been so stern.”        (Isabella, II.ii.84-86)

“The law hath not been dead, though it hath slept.Those many had not dared to do that evilIf the first that did th’ edict infringeHad answered for his deed. Now ‘tis awake…”        (Angelo, II.ii.117-120)

ENOUGH WITH THE METAPHORS ALREADY. CLAUDIO IS ON DEATH ROW.

And even when they finally, finally get to the point, they remain at an impasse:

ISABELLAYet show some pity.

ANGELOI show it most when I show justice.

        (II.ii.127-128)

Which causes Isabella essentially to lose all sense of self-awareness and control because goddam it, never once in her entire life has she met a person she couldn’t out-argue, who the fuck does this deputy think he is, this was supposed to be a simple mission and she’s been standing in this room for ten minutes and he’s still siTTING THERE SMILING AT HER WHAT THE F—

“So you must be the first that gives this sentence,And he that suffers. O, it is excellentTo have a giant’s strength, but it is tyrannousTo use it like a giant[…]Could great men thunderAs Jove himself does, Jove would never be quiet,For every pelting, petty officerWould use his heaven for thunder,Nothing but thunder. Merciful heaven,Thou rather with thy sharp and sulfurous boltSplits the un-wedgeable and gnarlèd oakThan the soft myrtle. But man, proud man,Dressed in a little brief authority,Most ignorant of what he’s most assured,His glassy essence like an angry apePlays such fantastic tricks before high heavenAs makes the angels weep, who with our spleensWould all themselves laugh mortal.”        (Isabella, II.ii.134-152)

Which causes ANGELO to lose all self-awareness and control because goddam it, never once in his entire life has he met a person he couldn’t out-argue, who the fuck does this nun think she is, this was supposed to be a simple smackdown and she’s been standing in this room for ten minutes and he’s still waiting for her to admit defeat and oh God oh no oh no oh no why can’t he look away from her face, what the fuck is happening what the F—

ANGELOWHY DO YOU PUT THESE SAYINGS UPON ME?

ISABELLABecause authority, though it err like others,Hath yet a kind of medicine in itselfThat skins the vice o’ th’ top. Go to your bosom,Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth knowThat’s like my brother’s fault. If it confessA natural guiltiness such as is his,Let it not sound a thought upon your tongueAgainst my brother’s life.

ANGELO, asideShe speaks and ‘tis such senseThat my sense breeds with it.

        (II.ii.163-173)

Finally, Angelo gets her to leave and faces the music. My tremendous co-actor, Jude Van der Voorde, always slays this soliloquy.

“What’s this, what’s this? Is this her fault or mine?The tempter or the tempted, who sins most, ha?Not she; nor doth she tempt, but it is IThat, lying by the violet in the sun,Do as the carrion does, not as the flower,Corrupt with virtuous season.”        (Angelo, II.iv.199-204)

[Non sequitur: Jude is the kind of actor actors dream of acting with. He’s always got at least one trick up his sleeve, so my Isabella is constantly second-guessing herself around him. And he does the “sleazy wunderkind act” with a panache rivaling BJ Novak’s in Season 4 of The Office. He’s also one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. Kids, don’t be Method. Make friends with your fellow actors. Leave the emotions onstage and go get a midnight pizza. You will be so much happier.]

With regards to the M4M narrative, we all know what happens next, although it takes an agonizing 175 lines of text in 2.4 before Shakespeare levels off and gives us the canonical threat:

“Redeem thy brotherBy yielding up thy body to my will,Or else he must not only die the death,But thy unkindness shall his death draw outTo lingering sufferance. Answer me tomorrowOr by the affection that now guides me mostI’ll prove a tyrant to him. As for you:Say what you can, my false o’erweighs your true.”        (Angelo, II.iv.177-184)

What precedes this is the kind of tension-groaning, hair-splitting, goosebump-raising rhetorical tarantella that television writers today spend their entire careers trying to emulate. Isabella plays the fool for as long as she possibly can…

ANGELONay, but hear me.Your sense pursues not mine. Either you are ignorantOr seem so, crafty, and that’s not good.

ISABELLALet me be ignorant, and in nothing goodBut graciously to know I am no better.

        (II.iv.79-83)

…but eventually Angelo forces her hand and she has to deflect his onslaught with the sleek diplomacy of a kidnapping victim.

ISABELLABetter it were a brother died at onceThan that a sister, by redeeming him,Should die forever.

ANGELOWere not you then as cruel as the sentenceThat you have slandered so?

ISABELLAIgnomy in ransom and free pardonAre of two houses. Lawful mercyIs nothing kin to foul redemption.

ANGELOYou seemed of late to make the law a tyrant,And rather proved the sliding of your brotherA merriment than a vice.

ISABELLAO, pardon me, my lord. It oft falls out,To have what we would have, we speak not what we mean.I something do excuse the thing I hateFor his advantage that I dearly love.

        (II.iv.114-128)

Remember when I said that Angelo and Isabella are alike in that they are inalienably convinced of their own “rightness”? That still holds true. But now Angelo, without warning, has moved beyond the conceits of debate and is taking Isabella’s rhetorical arguments from 2.2 at literal face value in order to trip her up. He’s brought ideology crashing down to earth and introduced their physical relationship into the conversation…again, without warning and very much without her consent. And she has to figure out a way to back-peddle on her words without yielding defeat of the argument. It is nigh impossible. And I bring it up because guess who gets trapped in the exact same situation three short acts later?

LUCIOCome, sir; come, sir; come, sir; foh, sir! Why, you bald-pated, lying rascal, you must be hooded, must you? Show your knave’s visage, with a pox to you! Show your sheep-biting face, and be hanged an hour! Will ‘t not off?

        (LUCIO pulls off the friar’s hood and reveals the DUKE.)

DUKEThou art the first knave that e’er made’st a duke.—First, Provost, let me bail these gentle three.—Sneak not away, sir, for the friar and youMust have a word anon.—Lay hold on him.

LUCIOThis may prove worse than hanging.

DUKEWhat you have spoke I pardon. Sit you down.We’ll borrow place of him.       (to Angelo)Sir, by your leave.Hast thou or word, or wit, or impudenceThat yet can do thee office? If thou hast,Rely upon it till my tale be heardAnd hold no longer out.

ANGELOO my dread lord,I should be guiltier than my guiltinessTo think I can be undiscernible,When I perceive your Grace, like power divine,Hath looked upon my passes.         (V.i.395-421)

Game, set, match.

As for ego… Do I really need to talk about professional pride? I don’t think so. It’s Angelo and Isabella. Pride leaks out of every virtually every line they speak in this play. Pride in their conviction, pride in their moral righteousness, pride in their intellect, pride in their ability to judge the world with clarity (or whatever). Angelo actually admits it out loud to us in perhaps his most famous soliloquy, because the little fucker has a lot more Catholic guilt about lusting after a novitiate nun than his Protestant heart would like to admit:

“The state whereon I studiedIs, like a good thing being often read,Grown sere and tedious. Yea, my gravity,Wherein—let no man hear me—I take pride,Could I with boot change for an idle plumeWhich the air beats for vain.”        (Angelo, II.iv.7-15)

And even though Isabella could easily be the poster child for Christian piety, she’s so damn proud of her own humility that she occasionally threatens to void it altogether. 

ANGELOWhat would you do?

ISABELLAAs much for my poor brother as myself.That is, were I under the terms of death,Th’ impression of keen whips I’d wear as rubiesAnd strip myself to death as to a bedThat longing have been sick for, ere I’d yieldMy body up to shame.

        (II.iv.107-111)

Look at me, Angelo. Look at this body. It’s mine. Mine and God’s. I see what you’re doing, I know where you’re trying to go. And it is never. going. to happen.

Two weeks into rehearsal and I’m still not sure I’m convincing in my delivery of these lines. I’ve watched every filmed production of M4M I can get my hands on, and it’s no help. I just don’t know what to make of this. Scholars disagree virulently about these lines, but also…scholars aren’t actors, you know? I find myself questioning everything every time I get to this passage. Is Isabella actually a virgin? I’m not sure. Chastity and virginity aren’t actually the same thing and Isabella, for all her idealism, is more worldly than many of her ingenue brethren. One thing is for sure: she’s flushed with self-righteousness when she speaks these words. Angelo may be a haughty son of a bitch, but so is she, so is she, so is she.

Ugh, these characters. I love them so much. I hate Angelo, I do. I also love him. And God help me I love Isabella. They’re dumpster fires of human conviction and I’m so grateful to Shakespeare for giving us their story and for understanding four hundred fucking years ago, that this, THIS is the pinnacle of hell in the female experience: “Who would believe thee, Isabel?”

#MeToo

Thank you, Will. Thank you.

I feel like I should apologize for the length of this reply, but I’ve had so much freaking fun that I also don’t feel apologetic. Thank you for this amazing question! Hope you’re doing well! xx Claire

Tagging @malvoliowithin @measureformeasure @harry-leroy @suits-of-woe

[chiclet-go-boom]

waxing philosophical about star wars on main because i don’t do side blogs

There’s a meta post from @symptomofconvalescence going around this morning about Kylo Ren/Ben Solo that crossed my dash a couple of times, stating that the base of his character is wanting to be loved and valued and seen. I don’t normally involve myself with meta discourse but I quietly disagree with most of the opening statements although I’m in general agreement with the tone of the conclusions, so I’m going to take a minute to talk about why. I’ll quote the relevant passage below: 

Fundamentally, he wants to be loved, he wants to be valued, he wants to be seen. But he isn’t getting that love or understanding. Very early on in his life, he becomes convinced that his family betrayed him- justly and unjustly at the same time. His family loved him but they did make mistakes, grave mistakes, and Snoke was there to take advantage of that immediately. Understandably, he turns to Snoke who promised to make the pain go away, to make him a new person. But at some point he realizes that Snoke never cared for him either, and his heart and loyalties complete their shift to Rey. When Rey leaves him, he feels that he truly has no one left he can care for and no one who can care for him, so he spirals out of control into despair and anger.

Some quick notes on this:

Kylo’s had love and rejected it.

Kylo knows he has value - he’s had both sides of the sith/jedi line fighting over him his entire life after all and they’re still fighting. His entire life is a smoking battleground because of it.

Kylo doesn’t turn to Snoke because he thinks his mentor cares about him or is offering him less pain or an easier path. The Dark path is notoriously hard to walk. He doesn’t turn from Snoke to Rey because Rey cares more or that he wants someone to care about. Caring isn’t the problem here. 

What Snoke promised and what he killed Snoke for, was acceptance.

A statement to start with. Ben Solo is an extremely powerful Force user and part of his skill set includes both defensive and offensive telepathy, empathy and mental manipulation (along with incredibly fine-grained telekinesis and battle precognition but while I could absolutely get into that, it’s irrelevant to this post). He has the ability to break minds and extract information with ease and in movie-canon he appears to be Snoke’s chief torturer in that respect, sent to interrogate both Poe Dameron and Rey with the implication that this is just part of what he does for the First Order. 

Kylo knows he’s loved because he’s empathetic. He is also not unaware of what Snoke feels about him which isn’t going to be any kind of tender emotion like caring, except in the possible sense of how one might care for a pet - some amalgamation of possessiveness and pride and control for owning something rare and unique. When Han tells Kylo that he’s being used and will be discarded, that isn’t any sort of revelation; he knows that Snoke is trying to break him, trying to sift out the pieces that Snoke doesn’t want.

What Snoke offered to Ben was acceptance of who he was. Snoke wasn’t afraid of Ben’s anger - in fact, he praised him for it, elevated him for it, told him to embrace it, told him he could use it. Growing up with every adult in his life afraid of him on some level, that had to have been a very tempting feeling, to be wanted for exactly the flaw that everybody else wants you to carve out of yourself. Did Snoke stoke that feeling? Absolutely. Did he poison all of Ben’s interactions to make that crevasse, that disconnect wider and wider? You know he did. But it was still there to start with, Snoke just made it deeper and darker. 

That’s how the Dark works and what the Dark promises. That it’s possible to be self-contained, beyond all reproach, beyond all judgement if you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get there. Self above everything, above all things — everything else, every one else irrelevant. Ben felt (and for practical purposes was) betrayed by everyone in his life and Kylo is on a quest to amass enough power now — secular, mystical, emotional — that he can’t be judged and found wanting by anyone anymore. 

He wants to stop feeling bad about who he is. Wants desperately to stop caring what other people think of him because for all this power, all this potential, he’s been told over and over again that his essential nature is wrong and always has been.

Circling back, there is no way Kylo’s unaware of what his mother and his father feel for him - he’s right in front of Han after all, who I will remind everybody has nothing in the way of Force defenses, while they talk on the bridge in that pivotal scene in The Force Awakens. Han is pouring out likely megatons of emotion at his son in those few minutes - love, regret, guilt, compassion, determination, desperation - along with his verbal words begging his son to please come home, that he is loved and that he is wanted. Han’s not lying. And notably neither is Kylo which is why the whole thing is so terrible. 

For while Kylo verbalizes his conflict, acknowledges that he still feels, still cares, he still sacrifices his father because what Kylo wants in that moment is more important than his father’s actual life. That’s a quintessential Dark side move even if the aftermath didn’t necessarily accomplish all that it was supposed to. In that moment, Kylo chose himself while looking love right in the face.

So love isn’t what Kylo wants because he’s got that and it so very clearly isn’t enough. 

(As an aside, he’s in communication on some level with Leia in The Last Jedi when he’s targeting the command deck of the Raddus, although whether its empathic or telepathic isn’t stated nor what specifically passes between them. Simple awareness? Actual conversation? It does, however, turn Kylo back from matricide so the question there is - why? Love didn’t stop him before so why does it stop him now? You could argue that since killing Han didn’t bring him what he wanted, he’s reluctant to sacrifice his mother for the same net zero gain. There’s a ton of nuance here, it’s not going to be a single, clean answer for this. Did he blame his father more? Does he blame his mother less? Anyways.)

As for the question of value, Ben Solo has been in the middle of a vicious tug of war since he was in the womb and he knows it. Yet neither side wants him as he is. He’s got too much Dark for the Light to trust him - hence Luke’s betrayal, Han and Leia’s abandonment. He’s got too much Light for the Dark to be able to use him easily - hence Snoke’s escalating (and calculated) disgust and ridicule, keeping Kylo unstable. Snoke is Dark but not Sith; it’s fairly obvious from the outside perspective that he’s not teaching his apprentice to surpass him, as a Sith master should, but to make him strong in the Force while keeping him emotionally weak and manipulatable. 

The Jedi espouse that there is no emotion, except in the abstract. The Sith espouse that the only feelings that count are the ones that aggrandize the self. Ben didn’t fit into the first and Kylo can’t fit into the second no matter how hard he tries.

So what Kylo is truly looking for is acceptance for who he is and how he is, which is why Snoke ended up dead on his throne because in that moment after touching hands through the Force bond with Rey, Kylo thought he’d finally, finally found it. 

Which bring us to Rey.

Rey is uniquely positioned to understand both Ben Solo and Kylo Ren. First, the Force Bond has made her confront her own prejudices as Kylo makes her question the lies she was told and the truths she wasn’t and she can feel what he feels, all that swirling rage and hurt. She’s also grown up alone and rejected and carries her own scars because of it, even as she managed to hang onto both hope and compassion when Ben couldn’t. Rey is angry over what was done to her. But better, Rey is furious over what was done to him. 

That isn’t abstract emotion. That isn’t generic Jedi compassion for all living things. That’s Rey, willing to confront the legendary Luke Skywalker over what he did to Ben specifically and then completely abandon her mission to recruit the Jedi back to the Resistance because of it. 

Rey is the only one who could look at Kylo Ren and see all that he is and accept it because fundamentally that’s who she is too. Look at Rey when she fights. She’s not in the least passive about it, she’s channeling nearly as much rage as Kylo does. She’s not trained in the Dark, she doesn’t accept the mandates of the Dark but she’s not Jedi either. She feels too much, just like Kylo does. 

But… she doesn’t accept him. In the home stretch in the throne room, Kylo planted his feet on all the choices that got him this far and chose himself, chose to consolidate personal power regardless of everything and everyone else — and Rey chose the good of the many over the needs of the one. They were both right. And they were both wrong.

But the crux of it is that it’s not about love or value at all, that’s not the essential problem. Rey and Kylo can love each other to the ends of the universe and back if they want to, see themselves mirrored in each other, understand each other, and it’s still not going to change anything.

They have to accept each other, as they are, without trying to change each other’s essential nature. Rey wanted Ben and refused Kylo and that’s where it all blew up and we ended up with a kyber crystal that split itself in half rather than decide.