#do things > crash > grieve the life i lost > crash harder

[sskybooks]

This is for the grief prompt. This is more of what if but it was very fun to write. Hehe. I hope you enjoy reading this:

Life is a stream with so many crazy curves.

And sometimes you hit the sweet, sweet, jackpot, where everything feels perfect; your parents, home and life in general. Lady Luck herself seems to be smiling upon you.

My life was filled with the beautiful landscape whizzing as we drove on ahead to somewhere new in whatever car we'd rented. Don't get me started on the foods I have tasted. So many unique flavours have melted on my tongue before.

..............................................................................

I hear the distinct screech of the horn . The car doesn't manage to come to a halt until it crashes into another car. I wonder who was inside that one. The windows shatter on impact. I hear mum screaming and then she faces me. I start to slip into unconsciousness. Her lips move but the voice doesn't follows or maybe I can't comprehend her words anymore. The world turned black as I get trapped in the confinement of my own mind.

..............................................................................

I wake up at a start. All sort of different medical equipment wires are attach all over my body. I look around. I am in a hospital room. Well, I guess the wires made that obvious. My heart monitor shows that my heart beat is fast-pace. Was I still in shock? There's a buttom, labelled with something but I don't bother to read the words - I just press it. My head still aching. I slowly raised my hand to my head with care in order not to tangle the wires. I wonder what half the wires are even for.

"Hello?" A lady dressed in nurse outfit says. She slowly makes her way towards me, glancing at the machine that I don't understand every few seconds. "How do you feel?"

"I don't know." I reply honestly. I look away from her to look at the window. The curtains are drawn apart allowing me to see the blue sky. Perhaps it's midday. "Where are my parents?"

She stares at me, worried. Her buttom lip quivering as she opens her mouth to speak but no words come out. I edge towards her, keen to hear what she has to say.

"T-they're-" A tear runs down her cheek. "There was an accident. You were immediately took to the hospital."

I nod, waiting. That much was obvious - why else would I be here?

"I'm so s-sorry." She rubs at her eyes. "T-they didn't make it."

I sit still, processing these words. I wanted to believe it was cruel joke but...

"I'm promised the doctor did everything they could but..." she trails off. Then looks at me. I must look like a mess. The nurse mutters something before leaving the room.

Honestly, I never thought I would lose my parents, especially this young. Maybe I would have handled it better if I was at least old and had many creases on my body and had given them many, many, grandkids and maybe even great grandchildren... but I didn't. I was just twelve and already lost two people that meant the world to me. To lose someone is to lose a world of opportunities. No more late night talks. No more kisses on the cheek. No more stupid dad jokes. No more evening card games. I already miss everything about them even the annoying things. I start to cry even harder. My whole body shakes with each sob. Grieve is a very, very, deep cut; I don't think it can ever be healed.

I would do anything to have them back.

Awwwwww. this is so sad I can feel the pain. I love how you write! There is a lot of interesting pose and just plain flare. It was so fun to read.

[lady-embers]

The fandom is so lucky to have you! We appreciate having you here and all that you contribute to it ❤️❤️

1. What brought you into the fandom?

2. What character(s) do you feel the most connected to and why?

3. Out of all of SJM’s books, which one means the most to you and why?

4. Out of all of the SJM couples (fanon, canon, endgame, etc) which one means the most to you and why?

Keep doing you ❤️

Awe! You are going to make me cry! 🥹 (Only happy tears, though) Thank you so much for the kind words!! I am so happy to be a part of this fandom with a lot of amazing, wonderful people 🫶

To answer your questions (and sorry this might be a bit long)

1. The TOG series did! But what brought me into the ACOTAR Fandom specifically was ACOSF. After reading it, I wanted to discuss my thoughts/opinions with others who've read the series. Since then, I've gained a lot of new, really good and close friends. I'm incredibly grateful that ACOSF brought me into this fandom 🥰

2. Gwyn and Nesta.

Gwyn, because I have SA trauma myself, and I've fought hard to get where I am today. I'm a survivor just like she is, and I won't let anything break me. Plus, I'm a coppery haired woman, so I feel connected to her that way as well.

Nesta, because I'm the eldest of my siblings. I've also put on an icy front to not let anyone get too close after all the trauma I've endured being the eldest sibling (because it's not easy being the oldest and all the expectations placed on one for being the firstborn), growing up poor, my SA trauma and everything else life has thrown at me so far. I relate a lot to the anger she had at the world and herself as well as feeling like I failed at times to protect my younger siblings.

3. This is a tough one, but ACOSF is the ultimate winner.

It healed me in ways I didn't expect. Nesta and Gwyn both had me crying because of our similar stories/feelings. Nesta story and the unexpected connection with Gwyn and her story, too, allowed me to grieve and heal parts of me I didn't realize still needed healing from. It especially hits me even harder on rereads since I lost my own mom not too long ago. Nesta healing from her father's death and not having the best relationship with him mirrored in a way my own relationship with my mom and the loss of her and grieving/healing from her abrupt passing.

4. Gwyn and Azriel.

Their potential story together would show SA survivors they can have a healthy relationship in and out of the bedroom and heal a lot of people who have been through what Gwyn has. Their story has the potential to show a lot of people who feel unworthy because of things they've done or had done to them that they are worthy of love and joy in their lives. Their story will show that even if you feel alone amongst a crowded room, there are people around you willing to be there, to help, and to love you as you are. That even on the darkest of days when hope seems lost, there is light to walk to. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and thinking, "I am the rock against which the surf crashes. Nothing can break me."

[cyanomys]

Letting myself be angry at and grieve my illness is a form of healing

I habitually used to call myself lazy or unmotivated when my body fails me or when I listened to my body, when the true reality is that my motivation vastly exceeds my physical capacity. I love life. I love doing things. And then I slam into my limits like a bus into a wall

I learned to blame myself because neither I nor my family were prepared to accept the truth. Because the truth is fucking depressing. Grieving sucks. Accepting my health situation is so much less inspiring than thinking “if I just want to be better harder I’ll get better.”

But blinding myself to reality has caused me to make myself sicker. So much sicker actually. I don’t know how much of my current disability can be attributed to my pushing myself too hard, and what would have happened if I hadn’t. But I’m certain it wouldn’t be as bad.

Fuck it. Having my conditions (vestibular migraine and etc) is a shitty hand to be dealt, and I may never be able to do all the things I wish I could do, and I may be disabled forever. That’s it, I said it, the end.

But that doesn’t mean I’m helpless. Now I have to live in this body and figure out how to make a life with what I have.

If I live within my limits I will a much fuller life than continuing to push myself until I crash over and over, each time slowly chipping away at my abilities and shrinking my world a little more. If I am careful maybe I will even be able to gain back some of what I lost. Patience. I have to accept, and be patient, and be grateful.

Now instead of telling myself “just try harder!” I can say “what compromises can I make to set myself up for success and health.”

Maybe I won’t ever have a “real career.” But I can derive meaning from my hobbies, and maybe even do a little part time work from home someday. I can be grateful for my husband being able to work and support me.

Maybe I won’t ever be able to play roller derby or be a hiker. But I can go on a walk most days and dance a little in my living room. I can be grateful that I am able to stretch my legs.

Maybe I won’t ever be able to go to conventions or play games at busy game stores. But I can play TTRPGs with my friends online, or have friends over for board games. I can be grateful to have a wonderful online community.

Maybe I can’t go on vacations or fly in a plane. But I can go on a picnic with my husband and dog. I can be grateful for good food and that nature is so accessible to me.

[taanoir]

Milo found himself back in the position of babysitter. Jimmy was crushed by his father's passing. He didn't want to be home and Rita didn't want him out alone.

Milo knew Evie saw it, but she was grieving deeply, and didn't have the capacity to address it. Jimmy and Rita were back off the wagon. He saw it in their faces, heard it in their voices and saw it in their actions. Milo didn't love the roll but he did love the girls and wanted to make sure they were cared for.

Gene was working hard towards another promotion and dealing with his own grief. Milo had learned that work was his way of dealing with things, which wasn't helpful in this situation. Milo felt isolated in a house full of people. Not to say that he didn't miss Julian himself. Julian had always been kind to him, before Milo moved in Julian had offered to create an art studio for him on the third floor. Milo had declined it, he didn't want to impose, but the offer still made him feel wanted in the family outside of Gene.

Milo's relationship with his nieces was strong but in the shadow of Julian's passing he found that roll expanded. He helped Tiffany try her first foods. When Nicole lost her first tooth, Uncle Milo was her first stop. Milo was conflicted, "these are firsts their parents should be here for, not their uncle. Part of me is happy for the girls, they are getting bigger and doing all kinds of neat things, and they want me there for them. I love that and I'm glad I can be. Another part of me is sad for their folks, these are moments they won't get."

Milo had less time but making art became a personal priority. His paintings were selling for significantly more and he was starting to become well known in the San Sequoia art circles. Not to mention he was making a comfortable income selling his work through the Berkley Art Center. After years of struggling he was finally getting noticed.

Some days, Milo felt that his creative pursuits were the one thing he did for himself, his art became his respite. He could concentrate his joy, grief, frustrations and pride on to the canvas.

He adored the girls, he was glad they hadn't moved out. Some days the clouds gathered and he would think back to Gene's big promotion and their decision to stay, there were pangs of regret but then the reality of the situation would crash in. "What would this look like if it was just Evie here with them?" danced in his mind.

Gene had wanted to go, "let's just pack our stuff and start our own life. Away from my parents, my brother, all of it. Just you and me, like we always talked about." Milo had been the one to suggest they stay, "We have our own space and your parents aren't getting younger. If there's a problem, who catches things? Your parents are going to ask for your help, which is going to be harder if we move. You don't want to be an extension of your brother but I know you, you're not going to leave your parents in a lurch. If they get sick or there's was a problem, you'll have your bags packed to head back here faster than Carl Lewis".

That conversation played in Milo's mind every time he started feeling overwhelmed. He chose this, even all those months ago when Jimmy and Rita were living sober and Julian was a picture of good health. Milo knew in his heart it was the right call, just some days it was all too much.

[dowhatisaynotwhatido]

1. FBT - Finding Billy and Tommy

Paring: F!Reader x Wanda Context: After Wundagore in Multiverse of Madness, Wanda finds what she has been looking for in a small town – more precisely, in you. ... This one might ring a little (lot) different. Is more of a fluff-comfort-family thing.  Warnings: just comfort, fluff, angst(?), light - grief Word Count: 2.5 Part 1 (this) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4*

- “Are you there, Ms. Franco?” The voice echoed through your phone. You could hear the nurse loud and clear, you were just too shocked to say anything. Your brother had been on a car crash 5 days ago and were currently fighting for his life on the ICU - he had just lost the battle.

----- A couple weeks after your brother and sister-in-law passing, you were still getting use to not be alone anymore. On your 30’s, you have been living alone since after college, not even a serious relationship to keep you company. Your nephews rarely slept over, and now you had the two 6-year-old living with you. They hadn’t understood their parents’ deaths until 1 week after your brother’s funeral. Billy was the first one to miss them, but Tommy got the worst of it. For 5 days, the little kid did not sleep, crying day in and out, while Billy acted out making pranks and being loud– just as a normal grieving kid. You had to ask a leave from your work to be with them 24/7. Although your mother helped you, she simply didn’t have the energy to do more after losing her own child. You live in a small city and work as a math teacher in the only high school in town. Being a single woman in your 30’s were already hard on a small town where the gossip flew by. Being a lesbian single woman? Even harder. But when you added “mom solo” to being a single lesbian 30yo woman? The pitiful judging eyes of the whole city followed you everywhere. The market gave you priority in line. Your neighbors had the civic sense to feed you and your nephews for almost a month after the tragedy. Your coworkers no longer shoot you casual texts, but always hard and heavy “how are you”, “I know is hard, but if anyone can do it is you”. Gifts? The kids were swamp in clothing and toys. You know they were trying to help, but the intensity of it all, just made you fall even deeper in reclusion.

You opted to let the kids go to school to have some distraction, as their therapist suggested. Weeks passing by, the whole mood was getting better and lighter. Tommy no longer cried to sleep, although he still woke up to go to your bed every night. You got use to them, finally bought extra pillows and a mattress wrap – no longer a problem with the night leakages of Billy’s mind screaming for help. You grew calluses. You never had the proper time to grieve the loss of your brother and best friend, but you shrugged off any kind of fragility or overthinking. Your late nights with some stupid Netflix drama turned into Paw Patrol and some horrific YouTube channels of slimes and sticky gross toys. Your tacos Tuesdays at Amanda's? They turned into toasty bread and cheap butter you could barely afford with your only salary divided per 3. Your wine and crossword Saturday afternoons turned into puzzles, Lego and an exhausting game of chasing around kids. You were extremely pushed to your limits, but you didn't allow any self-pity, convincing yourself that you didn't have the time for it. It was mid-April when it happened. They had been with you for the best part of a year, and you always kept the idea of being their legal guardian and maintaining their parents image awoke on their minds. Tommy had gone to your bed just as usual, but this time he woke you up and asked to be cuddled. Once he was properly comfort in your big spoon, he said “Thank you, mommy”. It was sweet and spontaneous. From that day on, your little family finally found a new meaning, and you became their mom. ------ “Wanda Maximoff” – she said to herself in the mirror “You are Wanda Maximoff”. It was a grounding exercise she had learnt in Hong Kong Sanctum Sanctorum. After Mount Wundagore events, the Scarlet Witch used her last strength to teleport herself out of the mountain collapse – retracting back into Wanda’s to recharge her magic. Once Wang and Strange found Wanda wandering around the snowy mountains, she was brought back to the Sanctum where she trained to keep SW imprisoned inside.

They had tried to kill SW, to get her out of Wanda or to weaken her. Wanda tried and insisted that killing her was the only way – but SW wouldn’t let her pursue that route by herself and the Avenger's refused to go down that road after Natasha self-sacrifice. Soon they found out that Wanda and the SW where the same person, and the only person who could stop SW was exactly Wanda.

She trained day in and out, strengthening her hold on her own mind and body. After a few months, SW was no longer able to fully corrupt and possess Wanda, leaving her just a small part of her previous ability, still able to talk and get into Wanda’s mind in the days Wanda was specially distracted or exhausted. After a full year, SW simply resigned at her inner cell and stopped trying. That was when they concluded Wanda was free to live her own life out of the Sanctum. Of course, she wasn’t doomed responsible for the Westview or Wundagore accident, being obvious she wasn’t the one in control neither of the time. However, she still blamed herself and decided to retire her powers. She refused to use them for any harm or to go back to the compound; she was no longer an Avenger. The year after, she spent trying to find a little corner of the world where she could retire in a resemblance of peace. She decided to stay in the US due to the proximity to the NY Sanctum and Avenger compound in the eventuality SW got to possess her over again. After Thanos, Wanda was a celebrity and the public was fast to recognize her in every single character she tried to hide herself in. She tried to dye her hair brown, blonde, black, short, long, curly, straight, it didn’t work. She was too famous – and as the public didn’t know about Westview and the Darkhold: they saw her as a hero. The first town found out her secret in a week, and the over affection drew Wanda out of there last than a week after. The following ones were slower, they took their time to figure her out, but as soon the secret was gone, she was followed everywhere with hot meals and praises. Every damn grandma on those cities decided to cook her lasagna, cookies, and ever so sweet meat soup. At the last city, she gave up on trying hiding herself, and decided to assume her identity as a former Avenger and current history teacher. That is where she found a home. ------ Farmville, 20.000 habitants, 4 hours away from NY. After six months of your work leave, you were ready to go back to teaching. Leaving Tommy and Billy at school and going to your classes turned out to be a healthy new routine. When you got to the teacher’s lounge on the first day, you noticed something had change. Yes, your coworkers were still the same, kindly welcoming you back, but your gaze followed an imposing presence on the back of the room. There was the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. Wanda noticed the commotion in the room and spared a quick glance to see someone being hugged and kissed by the other teachers. She couldn’t decide if she was annoyed at the loud noise or interested on the new woman. You were on the pretty side of the people spectrum. Soft skin, hair held up, well-put together, nice formal clothing. Apart from the sleepless nights clear on your face, you could put a nice show. Wanda got herself staring at you more than once in that morning. You were the math teacher who had adopted your brothers’ twins. Even Wanda knew the gossip after being the history teacher on the same HS for a couple of months. She haven’t seen you around town, but it wasn’t a surprise: she kept to herself and your domestic life didn’t actually allow you to go out and be seen. You were reserved and introspective. Your lunch breaks spent in your classroom tutoring some students to get extra money. Once you got out work, you went straight to pick up your kids. You weren’t usually on the teacher’s lounge during your breaks or empty calendar, using the lazy time to grade in your classroom, run some errands or just tutor some more. Wanda got herself searching for you in the corridors, going round the square just to pass through your door and spare a quick glance. She was interested in the shy, cute and very busy woman you presented to be. Embarrassingly, she had even allowed herself to search for your thoughts during a special day where you looked more troubled than usual. Of course, you didn’t know any of that.

The gossip about the retired avenger moving into the city reached you as it did to everyone else. However, for you, it didn’t actually matter. You had your own life to sort through, too busy to be worried about some significant celebrity or superhero. At school, you quickly learned that Ms. Maximoff was a great teacher: she could keep even the most troubled student in her class, using her red magic to construct live presentations and scenarios of historic events. Even the teachers and the principal herself – a former history teacher- were caught in the interest of watching to one or two of her classes.

It was a Wednesday evening a couple weeks later, the first time you actually spoke to her. Both of you had a Parents and Teachers meeting that night, and the twins were with you mother. After your last class in the afternoon, you decided to pass the time grading and preparing your next class in the Teachers’ Lounge. When you got there, you noticed the fresh coffee scent and the red-haired sat in the only table of the room, lost in a thousand pages and books. You acknowledged her, but got silence in return.

She was concentrated, mumbling to herself while correcting what it seemed to be a particularly bad exam. Avoiding her papers and material, you sat in the far corner of the table and started to grade yourself. A few minutes later, a steamy cup of coffee was magically placed in front of you. “Black, no cream, no sugar” Wanda said with a small smile, still seated across the table, with her red eyes confirming that she was the one behind the floating Harry Pottery mug. “Thank you, Ms. Maximoff” you said shyly blushing. How could she know how you take your coffee? “Wanda, please” “Wanda. That was very thoughtful. You are the one who looks like you need a coffee, though.” You chuckled “How bad was that test?” “Bad. She just doesn’t get it.” She sighed, “I have tried everything, but she just…” “Have difficulties on an area that is not the one she is good at?” You said warmly “Who is she?” “Angela Brinks” She huffed “It is not it, she understands and pays attention- but fails every test.” “Angela? She is failing my class too. She was so good at math a year ago,” You thought going through you notes. “She is just having some trouble back home. “ Wanda slipped. She was not supposed to tell you that. She felt like invading someone’s privacy - is not like Angela told her about it. She couldn’t help: when the thoughts were too loud, too intense, or someone were just too close, sometimes their thoughts just invaded her mind and she couldn’t block it. “I just wished I could help. I am not used to be so powerless.” You smirked “Yeah, welcome to the ordinary” You said as a joke, but Wanda did not laugh or say anything about it for the pass hour. You thought it was a touchy subject so after long minutes of silence you spoke up. “I am sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude” “You weren’t.” She looked at you with a kind grin “You are a nice person, aren’t you?” You smiled shyly at the way Wanda was staring at you “Everyone has their demons, Wanda. I am as nice as anyone else” “Except that isn’t true” She dropped her pen and frowned as she tried to understand you. “See? If it is not true, then I am a liar – so, it is true. ” You winked “Plain old logical proposition” Both of you laughed.

You kept grading and making small talk until the parents meeting. You were clearly their favorite teacher, and the parents welcomed you back warmly, some brought gifts, others asked about the twins, and a few got your phone number for more tutoring lessons to their kids. After the meeting, Wanda stayed behind waiting patiently for you to finish a talk with yet another mother. “Someone is popular” She teased “Is nice to be back. I missed this” You sighed “Being a super mom isn’t enough?” Wanda said with a light tone, but she felt a sting of jealousy in her heart. You chuckled “Is definitely something. However, here I can just be me, you know? I am not their aunt, or mother, or whatever. I am not here for anyone else. Just… Y/N.” You blushed “Sorry, this sound so selfish” “There is nothing wrong with that. Being selfishly you is also part of being a mom. We need to be ourselves too” “Oh. Are you a mom too? I didn’t know” You stared at her. Did you miss that gossip? Wanda gulped. Yes, she had been. For a brief moment, she had her own set of twins and she was complete. After Westview, that feeling of nurture and love was just taken away, leaving a hollow vacuum in her chest that nothing or no one seemed to fill. You notice her eyes tearing up as she zooned out “I am sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.” “It is ok. I might tell you one of these days. Not today though.” She tight lip smiled as you reached the parking lot. “So, I hear you are giving tutoring lessons” “Yes. I need the money” You shrugged searching for your car keys in your purse “I am basically doing anything that brings me one-step farther from crippling debts” You said with a light tone. Wanda made your comfortable. Every time actually paying attention to you. It was refreshing. “I need some help on Saturday. I was just going to hire someone else, but do you want to help me?” Wanda asked. She didn’t really need any help, but she wanted you to say yes just to spend some more time with you. “Really? With what?” You asked interested, finally having found your car keys and opening the door. “Organizing” She said plainly. She had not properly taken her stuff out of the moving boxes since she got here. “I will be there at 8” You smiled getting into your car with a fresh smile and a warm heart.

Part 2 

[amxranthiine]

kalon

(n.) the kind of beauty that is more than skin deep.

request:  Can I ask for platonic Thranduil with sister in law reader, reader is Legola's aunt and she saved Legolas' mother from dying but ended up paralyzed from waist down, needing to be on a wheelchair (let's pretend they have wheelchairs), and Thranduil is very grateful and helps reader a lot with things?

pronouns: she/her

a/n: like six months late but ITS FINE

warnings: ANGST n fluff. mentions of death and orc attacks. nightmares.

---

“Nana? Nana! Wake up, nana, please! You have to wake up!” A little Legolas screams as he watches his mother and aunt’s bodies be carried in by his father’s guard. His mother was pale and lifeless - cold hands and dark eyes, staring back into his own blue orbs as he shook her body. Though, he felt no love from her stare. Nothing about her was the same, her soul had already been lifted from her fragile body.

Next to her lay his aunt, Y/n, his mother’s sister. She was alive but unresponsive, blood was leaving her body faster and faster each second, pooling beneath her like a crimson ball gown. From behind Legolas, his father, Thranduil, was quickly approaching the scene. Loud orders from him to his guards could likely be heard throughout the palace. One would be a fool to miss the fear, desperation and anger laced in his voice.

Y/n stirred from the commotion, her eyes burning and her body flaring in pain as she tried to become responsive once again. She could feel every centimeter of her wound, the sword that stabbed her was likely poisoned - and it embedded it’s way into her spinal cord. She could feel her life force being drained, the light becoming far too close for her liking. Even if she lived, she knew nothing would be the same - with her body and with her family. She had been too late to save her dearest sister, and that thought alone was almost enough to make her give up. However, her little sister left her a nephew and a brother, both of which would need guidance recovering from her sister’s death.

“My King Thranduil -” Started the Captain, though he was soon hushed by the horrified Elf. Thranduil was terribly shaken up, his hair was messy and his robes wrinkled, likely from the speed at which he was running.

Thranduil looked at his beloved Wife and sister in law, and he felt his blood run cold. There was - there was so much blood. His wife was nearly blue and unconscious, was she... No, he wasn’t think like that. He looked over to Y/n, where she was struggling to open her eyes, and groaning from the giant hole in her back. He could feel the tears in his eyes, and he knew deep down that his son no longer had a mother.

Y/n heard her brother in law approaching, and even though she was on the verge of death, she felt as though she had to be the one to break the news. “Thranduil?” She croaked, her throat dry and her lips cracked.

The King rushed to her, grabbing a waterskin in the process and lifting it to her lips. She coughed as she drank down as much as she could. “Y/n...”

She ignored the burning in her eyes and looked up at him, and suddenly, she wanted to cry. She didn’t have that much time left, and she had so much to say. Y/n attempted to take a deep breath, then said her last words.

“I’m so sorry, Thranduil. I - I couldn’t save her - I tried so, so - hard. Please, tell Lego - Legolas we loved him.” She used the last of her energy to say those words, and soon, her eyes slipped shut.

“No! Y/n! You can’t leave me! You can’t leave us! Legolas will need guidance. I will need guidance! Legolas just lost his mother, he can’t lose you too!”

The weight of losing both the love of his life and his sister crashed down on him, and he fell to the ground with a heartbroken scream. A tiny body forced itself into his lap as his son wept along with him, not knowing if he’d ever see his mother or aunt again. Thranduil’s arms wrapped themselves around Legolas as he rocked back and forth on the floor, weeping and crying out to the Valar, cursing them and asking to spare them.

Thranduil gasped for breath as he jumped awake, beads of sweat rolled down his face as he regained consciousness, the nightmare - no - memory he had tried so hard to forget was now engraved into his head once again. He felt the urge to go check on his, now paralyzed, sister in law. Her wounds from that awful day were fatal, but somehow she pushed through the worst of it.

Though, not without consequence. Apparently the blade had all but destroyed her spinal cord, and because of it she was paralyzed from the waist down. The healers told him that it was a miracle she was still alive.

He got out of bed and put on a velvet robe, ignoring the chill in his bones from the cold air. He quietly tiptoed to her room, trying to ignore the feeling of dread, likely the product of his nightmarish memory.

Soon enough, as it was right down the hall, he arrived at his sister's chambers and, as quietly as he could, opened the door. His heart dropped when he saw that she wasn't there, and her wheelchair was nowhere to be found.

Thranduil panicked, his mind buzzing for any clue as to where she could be. The kitchens? No, she has trouble reaching the cabinets, and the accident made it even harder for her to see. Legolas' chambers? Hard no. She could be quite clumsy and can't be quiet to save her life. Literally.

He was starting to panic. What if she was kidnapped? His dearest sister in law, kidnapped by the very creatures who paralyzed her in the first place? It seemed realistic. At least, it did to Thranduil - who was losing his mind from worry. Though the only way they could get into the palace was through the-

Of course! The Royal Gardens!

In his state of worry, Thranduil had conpletely forgotten that Y/n liked to go to the gardens when she was having a hard time, because it was one of the only places that reminded her of her sister, the place where they had the most memories.

He took off towards the Gardens, not really caring about it being in the middle of the night as Elves were light on their feet anyway. In moments he was standing before her, nodding at the guards who took place at the Garden entrance.

Y/n was laying on the grass, her wheelchair was forgotten next to her, and she was playing with an orchid she had plucked, twirling it between her fingers carefully. Thranduil's heart throbbed as he realized that orchids were his wife's favorite flower, and that Y/n was missing her as much as he did. If not more, the sisterly bond between them was something he had never seen before.

He cleared his throat, alerting the woman if his presence. Her head turned slightly to the left as a way to acknowledge him.

"You scared me, Y/n. I couldn't find you, so I assumed the worst." He muttered quietly and sat down next to her.

She chuckled, "You've known me for how long and you still don't know that I tend to... gravitate here?"

The King sighed, he had always known that she used jokes as a coping mechanism, a way to escape her reality. "Yes, yes, I know. I just... I was worried," He frowned, taking the delicate flower from between her fingers. She paused, and he could practically see the gears grinding in her head out of his peripheral vision.

"You're having nightmares again, aren't you?" She asked, and he could feel her eyes burn into his head.

"They aren't just nightmares, Y/n," He twirled the flower absentmindedly, "they're memories."

This time, it was her who sighed, "Of that day?" She questioned, already knowing the answer, but his nod only confirmed it.

"I miss her," Y/n said, looking up at the night sky. Thranduil went to say something, but she held one finger up. "Let me finish. Sometimes I wish it were me who died, instead of her. She had you and Legolas to come home to, and I didn't really have anyone. Yes, I had family here, you and my nephew for example, but my sister was your wife and his mother, and the queen for crying out loud. Why am I saying this? I honestly have no clue. I suppose my point is... After the accident, I was overwhelmed in guilt and sadness. I didn't really focus on the fact that I was alive because of you. You and Legolas have taken care of me since day one and I can't remember if I've thanked you for that. So... Thank you. For helping heal my mind, and my body, even if their isn't much left of it. I am eternally grateful for you, brother."

Thranduil stared at her, and Y/n sniffled. At some point along the way she had started crying, and he felt like he was going to as well. He pulled his sister into his arms and held her tight as she cried, holding onto one of the last pieces of family he had left with an iron grip.

"You do not have to thank me, sister. You are family and you will be treated as such, even during hardships such as that one. If anything, I should thank you for being there for both Legolas and I while we were grieving, even if you weren't in the best state yourself."

Y/n giggled, much to Thranduil's delight. The sound had pulled a small smile onto his face and they both relished in the quiet for a moment.

Finally, Y/n pulled away, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her robe. "Alright, my King, help me up."

Thranduil laughed, a very merry sound, and helped her into her wheelchair. "As you wish, my Lady."

[scififantasy-fandoms]

Ch.3: Crying is the Rain

After Tartarus, after Annabeth dying, after ending the war with Gaia, the thing Percy wanted most was to see his mother again.  He’d lost 6 months to a coma and amnesia and aside from the short Iris Message he sent from Alaska, he hadn’t spoken to her in that time.  She wasn’t home.

              After Tartarus, after Annabeth dying, after ending the war with Gaia, the thing Percy wanted most was to see his mother again.  He’d lost 6 months to a coma and amnesia and aside from the short Iris Message he sent from Alaska, he hadn’t spoken to her in that time.  She wasn’t home.

He ended up finding her in a graveyard, her and Paul.  He stared at the gravestone, inscribed “Here lies Sally Jackson-Blofis, beloved Wife and Mother.”  His baby sister never got to be born.  He found out that they had died in a car crash during the time he was in Tartarus.  It was so bizarre, after so much time in the world of gods and monsters, that his mother could die to something so mundane.

It was raining, and the raindrops joined the tears streaming down his face.  He dropped to his knees in grief and the world felt like it shook.  He screamed and he cried as he felt his world crumble down around him.  First Annabeth, now his Mom, the two most important people in his life were both dead.

Percy doesn’t know how long he spent weeping.  The ground he knelt in had turned to mud.  A figure appeared and approached.

“Percy, you need to control yourself,” Poseidon said. 

“Mom is dead!” Percy cried as the earth shook, “How could you let this happen? You were supposed to protect her!”

Poseidon looked at the gravestone with surprise, “I…didn’t know.  The split personality issue was disorienting, I wasn’t paying as much attention as I normally would.  I—I join you in your grief, my son,” Poseidon said while kneeling and extending his arms to hug Percy.  Percy sobbed into his father’s chest and the rain fell harder.

“Do you even know what you are doing?” he asked his son concernedly.

“What do you mean?” Percy asked confused.

Poseidon sighed, “Earthquakes and powerful storms, hurricanes, across the eastern seaboard, the Caribbean is absolutely devastated, and I’m not the one causing them Percy, you are.”

“Oh…,” Percy said, stunned.

“I know you are grieving, but you need to calm down and get control of your powers.  Breathe with me and relinquish your control of the storms so I can guide them instead.  Just take slow deep breaths,” Poseidon said while holding his son.  Percy’s sobs lessened as he breathed as instructed and though his eyes still watered with tears, his cries weren’t as forceful. 

Eventually Percy’s breaths evened out as he fell asleep.  “I’m sorry,” Poseidon whispered to Sally’s grave.  He buried a pair of drachmas in the mud of their graves to ensure they had safe passage. Carrying his sleeping son in his arms, he teleported them both to Atlantis.  Poseidon held Percy close, cocooning his power in his own, as his son slept feverishly.

Mortal Threads (And Lack Thereof)

Percy Jackson fic, prequel to a DCU crossover

Ch.1: Tartarus & Misery

Percy chokes on Misery’s poison and sees Annabeth suffering the same.  He fell into Tartarus with her to protect her, to save her, yet finds himself powerless to help. 

Annabeth dies and suddenly something in Percy breaks. 

He can feel the poison choking him as if it were water, he feels the poison Misery wields and takes control of it, bending it to his will.  He chokes Misery, Akhlys, with her own poison. She tries to struggle free, but he feels the ichor in her veins as blood and immobilizes her with it.  He feels no remorse as he chokes her to death; she killed Annabeth.

He cradles Annabeth in his arms and tries to will her heart to beat once more, but it is too late, she is gone.  Yet, he cannot leave her behind in this terrible place.  Would her soul even be able to pass on the Elysium if her body were left in Tartarus? He can’t take that chance. 

Percy carries Annabeth’s body in his arms, not sparing a glance for the goddess he had slain in his grief, and he continues on towards the doors of death.

*** Percy makes it to the doors of death with Annabeth in his arms.  His hands were not free to fight the monsters, but any who approached he willed for their hearts to stop, for them to die, and they faded to dust accordingly.  He exuded an aura of such intimidating power and ruthlessness that most monsters quickly fled rather than try and face him.

It felt like forever riding the elevator up out of hell.  He held Annabeth close and finally allowed his tears to fall. 

He sees his friends at the end as he loses consciousness, the exhaustion finally catching up to him.

***

Percy woke on the Argo II to the sight of Nico watching over him.

Nico noticed him wake. “How are you feeling?” Nico asked awkwardly.  Percy stared blankly, feeling empty. Nico sighed, “It’s Annabeth, she….she didn’t make it.” Nico watched Percy carefully, uncertain of his reaction.

“I know,” Percy replied, “She died earlier, I just, I couldn’t leave her behind in that terrible place.” Percy sat up on the bed.

An uncertain silence filled the room.

“I failed,” Percy spoke at last, “I fell into Tartarus with her on purpose so that I could protect her, so that she wouldn’t be alone, and in the end I wasn’t good enough, I failed to save her.”

 “You might not have saved her, but at least you ensured she wasn’t alone down there,” Nico spoke, knowing personally just how terrible it was to be in Tartarus all alone. 

“Yeah, I guess,” Percy said despondently. Nico slowly sat down next to Percy and opened himself up for a hug.  Percy leaned into him and started to cry.

“I want my mom,” Percy whispered as he cried.  Nico held him in comfort. ***

The next day they held the funeral.  They had prepared shrouds for each of the seven and kept them on the Argo II.  Percy took Annabeth’s camp necklace to keep and placed drachmas in her eyes before wrapping her in her silvery shroud.  He was too choked up to give an eulogy.

Nico said a prayer in ancient Greek, wishing her soul safe passage to Elysium.  Percy lit the shroud mournfully. It burned bright through the rain.

[bumbleklee]

Could you make a fic based on the song Moondust By Jaymes Young? With Xiao or Zhongli? It’s fine if you decline, I enjoyed your Lonestar fic a lot! Also, thank you in advance if you do this! ^^

after this, i decided im a monster. this is so sad, like so so sad. i don't know if this is what you had in mind but since the song is basically about learning how to live/love without someone, i went down a death route. i also went w xiao. pls enjoy (and grab a tissue)

before reading: ANGST!!! you literally die and are a ghost the entire time. mentions of injury and blood as well as self-harm and suicidal thoughts. word count is around 2.1k (under cut for length)

I'm building this house, on the moon Like a lost, astronaut Lookin' at you, like a star From a place, the world forgot And there's nothing, that I can do Except bury my love for you

Death was quick.

You know instantly that you’re dead the second you open your eyes. You can still remember the feeling of the Fatui pyro agent slicing his knife across your throat and if you think about it enough, your neck tingles. You remember falling to your knees, being laughed at, and then you saw nothing.

Well, you saw blackness.

And then when you came to, you were standing in the middle of Liyue Harbor. The world seemed duller but it was real. No one paid any mind to you, so you assumed you were a ghost.

It’s nice to still be able to watch the sun rise high above your hometown.

There’s no panic, no rush to find out what’s going on, you don’t need to. Your hands travel to your throat and the horrific wound is gone. In fact, all of the scrapes and bruises and imperfections on your body were gone. Death brings solace, you humor.

Your peaceful moment was interrupted by two frantic voices. They catch the attention of everyone in the area, including you, and you spin around quickly.

Xiao.

“Break the contract, please, Zhongli-” His voice is frazzled, filled with a sadness the living can’t understand. “I can’t live without them.”

You looked down at your left hand, heart shattering at the absence of the jade ring. Right. You were going to marry Xiao later that year. Not anymore.

A hundred thousand memories of sweet kisses and long nights flooded into your mind. They caused you to hold your breath, too many emotions crashing through your tired form. You felt like crying but couldn’t (ghosts didn’t have tears, you guessed).

You’re standing right in front of the love of your life and he can’t see you.

Maybe it’s a good thing he can’t see you because Xiao already looked wrecked. His eyes were puffy and red and his hair was disheveled. Unhealed scratches wound his arms like ribbon. You had been with Xiao for years, through the good and the bad, and never once had you ever seen him in this state.

He’s pleading still and Zhongli has an indescribable expression on his face. “I can’t,” His voice is barely a whisper, “You know I can’t.”

Xiao wails, falling to his knees. Zhongli feels his pain, you know he does, yet he won’t put him out of misery. You watch as Zhongli bends down and lifts the adeptus into his arms, swiftly walking away from the crowd. You follow ensuite and Xiao’s eyes are hazy, staring through you over Zhongli’s shoulder.

“I’m right here.”

But he doesn’t hear you.

The brightness of the sun, will give me just enough To bury my love, in the Moondust I long to hear your voice, but still I make the choice To bury my love, in the moondust

You begin to follow Xiao around. Not that he goes anywhere, too heartbroken to move, but you keep watch of him like he once did for you.

He resorts to staying in Zhongli’s apartment. The consultant isn’t around most of the day and Xiao rarely leaves his bed. His tears stain the satin pillowcase and he curls upon himself. Sometimes you stand in the doorway and stare, other times you muster up enough courage to go and sit on the unoccupied side of the bed.

The first time you touch Xiao again is at night. He’s crying and without thinking, you wrap your body around his. His chest is pressed against yours and you press your lips to his shoulder.

It’s not warm anymore. In fact, it feels like nothing.

But still, you hold Xiao until he’s asleep. You don’t let go all night, opting to watch your beloved finally get some rest. You wonder if this is how it’s going to be for the rest of eternity? Would you follow Xiao around aimlessly for centuries more?

Or maybe you’re just stuck here. You recall a saying from an elder in Liyue years ago, “Spirits with unfinished business can’t move.”

You decided then that you were going to help him move on, help Xiao bury his love for you.

Nothing can breath, in the space Colder than, the darkest sea I have dreams about the days, driving through your sunset breeze But the first thing, that I will do Is bury my love for you

There’s no book about being a ghost. You have to figure it out on your own and you’ve never been more grateful no one can see you go straight through the wall for the third time that hour. Over time, you create your own handbook in your mind, jotting down anything you discover as your time as a dead person entails.

Within the first week, you understand that no one can see you, hear you, or feel you. And while you can vaguely touch objects and people, the sensation is different than when you were alive. Every human trait was thrown out the window - you don’t need to sleep, breathe or eat and drink anything.

You attend your funeral exactly a week after your body was discovered and someone propped your sword against your casket. You try to grasp it, to pick it up, but you only manage to push it over with a gust of nonexistent wind. It clambers to the floor, the funeral parlor growing silent, and you take this as your cue to leave.

You wondered if Xiao, or anyone of that matter, could sense you at least. Even if Xiao couldn’t see you, just him knowing you were there would ascend you to the afterlife (right?).

You also find out you can’t leave Liyue. There’s an invisible border keeping you trapped in the country and, frankly, you don’t mind. Xiao won’t leave Liyue so you don’t need to leave Liyue. But sometimes you get anxious that one day Xiao will leave Liyue and never return. And if you haven’t accomplished your goal yet, would you truly be stuck as a monster among men?

The brightness of the sun, will give me just enough To bury my love, in the Moondust I long to hear your voice, but still I make the choice To bury my love, in the moondust

On particularly good days, Xiao talks to you. Zhongli was gone early one morning and Xiao pulled himself out of bed and to the living room, opting to open the blinds and see sunlight for the first time in weeks.

You sit on the coffee table with your legs criss-crossed as Xiao mumbles desolate words.

“I keep just wishing I would wake up dead. I miss you so much.”

You frown. “I’m here, I’m right here.”

But he can’t hear you. “You aren’t here to make me laugh at your stupid jokes anymore. And I just...I should have been there! I should have-”

His voice cracks and you move off the coffee table, wrapping your arms around his quivering body. You try to press yourself against him, squeeze your arms so tight that he’ll feel you, but you can’t. You can’t kiss his chapped lips and move your bodies so he’s curled into the crook of your neck.

Sometimes, you watch Xiao hurt himself. He digs his nails into his arms or thighs until he draws blood, only to push it all away and scream into the ground. You want to snap him out of him, tell him to stop doing that to himself, but you can only sit and stare.

You were nothing to Liyue - a common human who added nothing of importance to society. Yes, your death was sad for many people but the world kept turning. Xiao, on the other hand, was so special. He was the Vigilant Yaksha - the people of Liyue needed him forever.

“I miss you. I love you. I miss you.”

I'm a cast away, and men reap what they sow And I say what I know, to be true Yeah I'm living far away, on the face of the moon I've buried my love to give the world to you

Xiao goes out sometimes. It’s either to patrol the city or on a walk with Zhongli. It’s not much but it's an improvement. Like always, you follow him.

He’s started to have nightmares, waking up in a rush. He used to comfort you when you had nightmares and it pains you that you can’t return the favor. You try, by God, you try. You run your hands down his back comfortingly but Xiao only cries harder.

When Xiao sees Ganyu for the first time in months and she gives him homemade almond tofu, he smiles. It’s small and quick but you see it.

Growing up, you had thought that the living mourned the dead. When your grandmother died, you felt broken for a while, but that pain was minimal compared to this. Having to live endless days as an invisible soul while the living grieved was unbearable.

When no one is around, Xiao breaks down. He hurts himself, insults himself and wishes for you endlessly. When Xiao tries to jump off the roof of the apartment complex in the middle of the night and survives with only an injured arm, you realize he’s pushing his body. He’s trying to kill himself.

So, you scream.

Every waking hour of the day you scream.

“I’m right here, Xiao! I love you and I’m right here! I’m sorry for being careless and getting killed but you aren’t ready to join me yet!”

You know he doesn’t hear you, he can’t hear you, and yet Xiao slowly stops hurting himself.

The brightness of the sun, will give me just enough To bury my love, in the Moondust I long to hear your voice, but still I make the choice To bury my love, in the moondust

It takes a year for Xiao to finally begin to cope with your death and you know your journey will be coming to end soon.

He still talks to you except now it’s hopeful and filled with acceptance. On the anniversary of your death, he travels to the Dragon-Queller early in the morning. He sits down in the spot he used to take you to and rubs the grass softly, as if motioning for you to sit down next to him.

You do.

“I’m leaving Liyue next week.”

A million feelings run through your veins. You want to throw up, scream, cry. Is a week enough time to get Xiao to move on from you? Had he already moved on? There were too many questions you couldn’t fucking ask.

You can’t bear to listen to the rest. Your feet travel on their own, taking you far away from Xiao and back into the heart of Liyue Harbor. You didn’t know where you were until you heard a voice call out for you.

“Hey, you!”

You were imagining voices now. You felt sick to your stomach.

“Y/N!”

A short, young woman came into your view and you finally looked up. You had walked right into the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. Hu Tao was staring at you, not through you.

“I knew you were still here.”

Hu Tao could see you.

It didn’t make sense but you didn’t have time to make it make sense. Without thinking, you cried out to Hu Tao and begged her to help you save Xiao, save yourself.

“I want to go with him,” You say.

“But you can’t.”

“Then he’s going to forget about me.”

Hu Tao chuckled softly, “You think Xiao would forget about you?”

You don’t answer. Maybe it was you that didn’t want to forget about Xiao. Either way, it hurts. “He’s going to fall in love with someone new and-”

“Isn’t that what you want?”

It was. You wanted Xiao to be happy without you, to learn to love again. You wanted him to bury his love for you so you could both be free.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Hu Tao says, “Xiao will find you again one day.”

She clasps her hands together and reaches them out to you. You look down and see a moving image of Xiao. He’s still talking softly, this time with a small smile on his lips. You close your eyes suddenly, not wanting to see anymore. You step outside of the funeral parlor and whisper “I love you” into the wind.

The sun is shining high in the sky when Teyvat begins to disappear from your vision.

Maybe in another life you and Xiao will spend forever together. You’ll have a grand wedding, start a family, and grow old together like you should have. But for now, you’ll see him from the moon.

[nobodyfamousposts]

Miracle Queen Aftermath

Because there is a disappointing lack of focus or depth for the aftermath of Miracle Queen in canon, I have made my own.

Be warned of: Chloe salt. A lot of it. Chloe faces consequences for things.

Some Bustier salt. Some Adrien being called out on things (but he gets better).

Enjoy!

In the weeks following the Miracle Queen incident, a lot had happened.

Hawk Moth had increased his power, and was now able to summon akumas and amoks at the same time.

Master Fu was gone and now Ladybug found herself the official Guardian of the Miraculous—along with the Miracle Box, kwamis, and duties that entails.

Marinette had resolved to let go of her crush on Adrien, and to support him and Kagami in their new relationship together.

And Chloe had been arrested and would now be going on trial for assisting a terrorist.

It was that last bit of news that had caused the most commotion in Paris and the world at large. What people would have dismissed as simply another akuma attack turned into a much greater matter when accusations started to be made about Chloe helping the super villain intentionally. This was soon backed by multiple eyewitness accounts and further proven by leaked video evidence showing Chloe not only attempting to grab a butterfly for herself after she was de-akumatized but even negotiating with the terrorist before the incident in which she betrayed the heroes of Paris and revealed the identities of most of the team.

To say that the people of Paris were outraged was putting it mildly. People were akumatized over it. Chloe was in a secured facility where she had armed guards around to watch her just as much as they were there to protect her. New legislation was being considered to specifically address willingly aiding supervillains. The backlash was so severe that many were calling the mayor’s own position into question.

After all, if his daughter could do all of that, who was to say that he wasn’t also in Hawk Moth’s pocket?

For Mayor Andre, his hands were tied. While he had covered for his daughter and her selfishness in the past, this was one thing he couldn’t overlook. Not when it brought his position as mayor under scrutiny. And certainly not when it opened a probe into his own dealings.

None of this was helped either by the multitude of witnesses of Chloe‘s past behavior. In particular, her many victims over the years.

And there were a lot.

Now that Chloe was actually being held accountable for something, it seemed to have opened a floodgate of outcries as the many people she tormented finally felt able to air their grievances. They came out on TV, on social media, on radio. Stories littered the air and internet of the horrors of dealing with this single teenage girl.

“She tried to cheat during this designing competition. She apparently stole some other girl’s hat design and tried to pass it off as her own.”

“She was the reason the mayor tried to shut down my ice skating rink! To build another gym! Paris has enough gyms! Why couldn’t she just go to one of those?”

“She had her dad shut down Clara Nightingale’s music video and got her akumatized just because she didn’t get to play Ladybug. We waited in that line for HOURS and didn’t get chosen either, but no one else threw a fit over it.”

“She shoved a giant signed poster of Adrien Agreste professing his love to her in my friend’s face just to make her cry! I found out after the fact that he didn’t even know about it!”

“Our entire school was punished for someone pulling the fire alarm except for her because she threatened our principal. So while the rest of us were having to clean up the school, she spent the entire time insulting and making fun of us.“

“Knowing her, she probably pulled the fire alarm in the first place.”

“She tried to crash a train! I don’t think I can emphasize that enough: she tried to crash a train!“

“Chloe Bourgeois joined up with Hawk Moth? Can’t say it’s a shock.”

“Yeah, given how many akumas she caused, I’d been wondering if she hadn’t been working with him all along.”

It wasn’t that unbelievable to the populous. Nor did anyone feel particularly sympathetic towards her for her current situation. Some might have for lack of knowing her, but Chloe had carved herself a special place in the memories and hearts of nearly every Parisian. There was nobody who didn’t know of her or have some experience with her by this point. So when it came out that she was arrested and facing criminal charges, the response was…rather telling.

Practically everyone was calling loved ones as soon as they heard, resulting in high phone and internet traffic. The Ladyblog crashed after making the announcement. Several people threw parties. People over the internet started coming up with a list of “Things We Will Be Allowed To Do Once Chloe Is In Prison”, with a count that currently rested at 139 and was rising quickly. One guy bought 500 cupcakes and just started passing them out to people on the street singing a jaunty little tune from some late 1930’s cult classic American movie. The school had closed down for a couple of days due to several teachers calling out sick—possibly with hangovers from celebrating a bit too hard. Various Queen-related hashtags and memes were trending with each seeming to fight for the top spot of most used. #let her eat cake was currently in the lead. And Mr. Ramier somehow orchestrated a 21 pigeon salute. On Chloe’s rooftop.

As it was, nobody expressed surprise when it came out that she worked with a supervillain. Many were disappointed, shaking their heads and saying “if only something had been done sooner” or blaming the parents and teachers and other adults in her life. Most were angry, mainly that things had been allowed to get this far and that they hadn’t been acted on earlier—particularly after the train incident.

But no. Nobody was surprised.

Except, perhaps, Marinette herself.

Still reeling from the events of Miracle Queen and the aftermath of…well…everything involved, Marinette had been questioning herself. Constantly. Incessantly. Going over and over in her mind all the things she could have done differently. Blaming herself for all the major blows to their team.

She lost her mentor. Her allies have been compromised. Chloe, one of her former allies, chose to betray them all. Hawk Moth had the grimoire now. Marinette didn’t have a grimoire. Fu had no memories.

And it was all because of her mistakes.

Last time, the prospect of never having to deal with Chloe again had been a relief.

Now…it was background static to her.

She could barely hear the announcements and cheers over the endless cycle of her own thoughts.

I should have tried harder. I should have been more aware. I failed them all. This is because of me.

So while everyone else in Paris was celebrating, de-stressing, or just outright reveling in the news, Marinette was grieving. With the help of the kwamis and Chat Noir, she had been trying to come to terms with what happened and figure out the next plan of action.

Hawk Moth had changed the game, so she needed to step up hers.

The days seemed to have passed in a blur. Between working with the kwamis, trying to recreate and retranslate the grimoire, and simply trying to deal with the remnants of Fu’s life that he had left to her, Marinette had barely even kept up with the current state of things in Paris. Or in particular, Chloe.

Not until the day came when Bustier made an announcement.

Chloe‘s trial date was finally decided. And though she didn’t say as such, it was clear that the case against her was pretty solid. There was video evidence. Eye witness accounts. And Chloe’s own words and actions working against her.

The odds were not in her favor on this. Even if her parents did try to help her, she wasn’t going to get off this time. Aside from getting the best lawyers money by, there really wasn’t much they could do.

Maybe that was why Bustier had tried to step in?

“Now class, I have received word that they are moving to the next step with Chloe’s hearing. Right now, they are looking for character witnesses for Chloe’s defense.” The kind teacher explained, causing Marinette to snap to awareness and realize just what was going on. Partly because of the mention of Chloe and her court case.

But mostly because of the sudden dead silence in the class…

To be fair, she wasn’t sure she could say anything either. Marinette felt her throat go dry and her muscles tense. There was a sudden tightness in her lungs that while she could breathe, it felt like she was suffocating. Why was Bustier bringing this up now?

The teacher smiled, seemingly unaware of the sudden tension and Marinette’s slow drowning. “I know this has been a difficult experience knowing that one of your classmates is facing such a trial. And Chloe will certainly need support. So I thought it would be kind if everyone wrote a letter supporting her for the hearing coming up, so the courts can hear about Chloe and understand more about who she is.”

Silence. Dead silence.

Maybe Bustier herself picked up on the growing tension, as she proceeded to move to passing out papers to the class. “I thought it would make for a nice project, so I will give you all the forms explaining the requirements. Take some time to think over what positive things you want to say about Chloe. If you have any questions, please feel free to come talk to me.”

After that, she quickly left the room, citing the desire to let them have this free time to work on the letters.

The class remained silent for a good minute after she left. Almost as if they were questioning if she would return. Or perhaps if she was listening.

Then—

“‘Think about what positive things we want to say about Chloe?’ Well that’s easy!” Alix spoke blithely, curling the paper she received into a ball. “Nothing!” She shouted and tossed it over her shoulder. “Assignment done!”

Murmurs filled the classroom. Some sounded uncertain, but most seemed to be in agreement. Or at least expressing distaste for the assignment.

“Is she serious?”

“Does she really expect us to?”

“Of all the worst ideas...”

Marinette could hear them, but couldn’t seem to acknowledge anything around her. And furthermore, she couldn’t make herself respond.

Chloe‘s trial was set for a point in the next few weeks, and at this point there was no denying just what type of person she was. If anything, this was probably the first time that anyone was allowed to actually speak their mind about the girl, and they were all reveling in it. Her classmates in particular.

Marinette couldn’t quite bring herself to.

Sure, Chloe has tried to blackmail her more than once.

And damaged her gift to their teacher.

And attempted to frame her a few times.

And stolen her hat design.

And her diary.

And a Miraculous.

And all of the other Miraculous.

But...she had been doing better for a while there, hadn’t she?

Didn’t she only betray them all in the end because Marinette had chosen Kagami over her for her own selfish reasons? Didn’t Hawk Moth only capture Fu because of her own mistake? Hadn’t Chloe only revealed everyone else because she felt betrayed? Couldn’t Marinette have done more to prevent Chloe turning?

Wasn’t a simple letter on Chloe’s virtues the least she could do?

So why...

Why couldn’t she seem to bring herself to?

Kim frowned, looking at his paper in worry. “We’re not going to get graded on this, are we?”

Nathaniel huffed. “I’ll willingly take the failing grade any day.”

“Hear hear!”

“But if it’s a grade…” Max murmured to himself. Out of everyone in the class, he took his grades the most seriously, so this was no doubt a difficult choice for him. He looked at his paper with a rather conflicted expression for a minute before sighing and turning it face-down on the desk. “No. It’s an impossible task in the first place.”

Kim rested a hand on Max’s shoulder in sympathy. It wasn’t that he cared as much about grades as Max did, but it was clear that the fallout of refusing could be more troubling for the genius who took his academic performance so seriously. If Bustier did make it a mandatory assignment with a grade, it’d be horribly unfair of her.

“What was it Chloe said before?” Ivan asked, looking over his page with a glare. “Once a monster, always a monster? I guess she’d know more than anyone.”

Mylene hugged him. “You’re not a monster. You never chose to be.”

“None of us did.” Nino agreed.

“Nobody did except her.” Alix bit out.

Mumbles of agreement came from the rest of the class. It was clear that none of them were on board with having anything to do with Chloe, much less try to help her with her current legal woes.

There was a large part of Marinette that agreed with them. But even so, there was also a large part of her that insisted she had to do the right thing and help.

She knew she should say something. She was supposed to say something here. Because it was her fault, after all. She was Ladybug. She had to be the better person. Shouldn’t she?

“Marinette? Girl, are you okay?” Alya asked, drawing her attention. “You look a bit pale.”

It was too much. It was suffocating.

“I think I need some air. Excuse me.”

She didn’t know if anyone watched her leave the classroom. She hadn’t even noticed if anyone had chosen to follow her.

Not until…

“Marinette, are you all right?”

She spun around in surprise.

“Oh! Adrien! Hey! Hi! Hello!” She blabbered. Why was he here? Did he come out after her? Why? She didn’t need this right now! She struggled enough with him under normal circumstances, she wasn’t sure she could handle being alone with him now. Her stress over everything was bad enough, but having him approach her set her anxiety skyrocketing.

“Hey,” he replied, smiling at her—and oh, what a beautiful smile. On any other day, it would ease her worries and make her want to swoon, but right now, it just made her more nervous.

“Are you all right?” He asked again. “You didn’t look so well in class.”

“Y-yeah. Just…” she sighed. “I just have a lot on my mind. With…you know…everything.”

He nodded in understanding. “I know what you mean.”

She smiled. She could always count on Adrien to be a calming supportive friend. He was always so sweet and reliable. If anyone could understand or relate to the chaotic mix of emotions she was feeling, he could.

He sighed in sympathy. “Poor Chloe.”

She froze.

“Chloe?”

“Well, yeah.” He replied, like it was obvious. “I mean, she did a bad thing, but now she’s going through the worst experience of her life. One that could ruin her future. And people are glad about it!” He shook his head. “It’s just too cruel.”

Marinette just stared.

He wasn’t wrong. But…that was what he was worried about?

She couldn’t fault him of course, because Adrien was always so kind and considerate and of course he’d feel for Chloe but…something about this just…pulled at something inside of her and was choking it.

“Chloe is already suffering enough and it feels like no one wants to help her. You heard them.” He gestured back to the classroom. “We’re being given an opportunity to make a difference for her and they’re all just saying she deserves it. Chloe is alone and hurting and they want her to hurt more.”

She felt a denial on her lips but couldn’t give voice to it.

“Everyone is so great with each other. It’s always just Chloe who is kind of on the outside. I know you’ve seen it.”

She hadn’t, actually. Because it was never Chloe on the outside looking in, it was Chloe looking down on them. Whether it was because she genuinely thought she was better or because it made her feel better to do so.

He hesitated for a moment before looking at her. And there was something in his expression that told her he was about to ask something. A gut feeling told her that it was going to be something she wouldn’t like.

“Do you think you could talk to them?” He asked her, looking so sad and despondent that she just wanted to hug him and agree to anything to make that look go away.

“M-me?”

He wanted her to convince her classmates to help Chloe?

“I know you and Chloe have had your differences, but you’ve been able to see past her front. And you’ve done a lot to help her before.” He smiled. “Like the party you threw for her after she became Queen Bee.”

A traitorous voice asked if giving her a second chance with the Miraculous she had previously stolen wasn’t enough? Why did she have to feel bad for her leaving and throw her a party to make her feel special?

“Chloe really needs the help right now. And you’re always so good about that sort of thing.” He looked to her imploringly. “Do you think you could try to get them to at least give Chloe a hand? I don’t know what impact it’ll have in her hearing, but any little bit helps, right?”

Go back in there? With the tension and the suffocation to try and convince her classmates to help when she was questioning whether to herself?

But she had to, right? After all, couldn’t she have prevented this if she had acted sooner? Couldn’t she have helped sooner instead of being focused on her own petty problems? Isn’t that what Ladybug should do?

“Please, Marinette? They listen to you. If you asked them to, I’m sure they’d be willing to at least try.”

Her vision started to dim, seeming to tunnel in on Adrien and his sad and hopeful expression. Her thoughts crying about CHLOE and poor CHLOE and how hurt CHLOE was and how it was her fault for CHLOE—

“I—”

“Oh no! No, you do NOT.”

Marinette suddenly found herself torn away from Adrien by a sudden grab of her arm and pulling sensation. She felt as if she was pushed out of the way by a fierce gale. Like a raging whirlwind had spun her around and behind it.

That whirlwind’s name was Alya.

“How dare you? How dare you try to make my girl be responsible for this!”

Marinette floundered because she had not expected this and oh no now her best friend looked ready to tear her crush’s head off!

“Alya, we don’t have to do this!” She pleaded, trying to calm the other girl down.

“Oh, we most certainly do.” Came another voice. And sure enough, the rest of the class had stepped out as well. All of them looked in varying ranges of frustrated and that frustration was clearly directed at her and Adrien.

Or rather just Adrien, as Marinette discovered when Rose and Juleka pulled her aside and out of their direct line of sight. They were all looking at Adrien, and those were not nice or understanding expressions.

Oh no! This was a disaster! Now everyone was upset and she should have just agreed or said something sooner!

Completely unaware of Marinette’s inner turmoil, Alya stepped forward and jabbed at Adrien in the chest. “You are not going to make my girl feel bad and try to help someone who has never done a single nice thing for her or anyone.” She spat out, forcing him to back away.

Adrien held his hands up in a placating gesture. “Come on, Chloe is not that bad.“

“Not that bad?” Nino exclaimed, shaking his head in disbelief at his friend’s words. “Adrien, Chloe betrayed us!“

“She took over Paris!”

“She turned us into her servants!“

“Not to mention the other things…”

“Do we really have to name each time?” Alya started to count on her fingers. “Chloe CHOSE to take the Miraculous for herself instead of returning it. She CHOSE to transform in front of everyone and reveal her identity to the world. She CHOSE to try and crash a train, risking the lives of EVERYONE on board just to show off. She CHOSE to run off with it when Ladybug tried to take it back.”

“She also chose to continue being horrible to everyone even after Ladybug gave her a second chance.” Nathaniel added, bitterly. “She didn’t get better after becoming Queen Bee. It just became another thing for her to lord over people.”

Alya nodded. “And when Ladybug made it clear to her that she wasn’t going to be Queen Bee again, she felt ENTITLED to something that was never hers in the first place. And because of that, she made the active, knowing, and willful choice to work with Hawk Moth.”

“And out all of us while she was at it.” Kim added. “Turning us into her personal ‘guard’. Making us fight our heroes against our will.” He shuddered. “I don’t know if you were hit by those things, Adrien, but it was NOT a pleasant experience having your body turned into a puppet.”

Adrien wanted to argue that he understood full well, but that was only as Chat. He couldn’t say that here.

Unaware of his inner turmoil, Alya continued. “So no, we are not going to forgive Chloe. We are not going to try and ‘get along’ with her because her own poor choices have led her to have a ‘rough time’.”

Adrien grew nervous at the way the others drew closer to Alya as she spoke, clearly backing her statements as she continued.

“We are not going to defend her or speak up on her behalf to the entirety of Paris she ALSO betrayed. Whatever consequences Chloe has to face—quite possibly the first ones she will EVER have faced in her LIFE—are nothing less than what she deserves.”

“Yeah!” Came the exclamations from the rest of the crowd.

“She didn’t know what she was doing!” Adrien argued.

“Not know what she was doing?! Adrien, she willingly accepted an akuma! She used it to take control of us and revealed us to Hawk Moth!” Alya exclaimed. “That’s just—how can you even justify that?”

With as angry as Alya was, any lesser or wiser man would have backed off.

Adrien…well, she certainly would never call him unwise, so it had to be because he was more strong-willed than that to be willing to stand his ground here.

“Hawk Moth was the one who manipulated Chloe!” He insisted. “And he’s the one who got away scott free and left Chloe to take the fall.”

“And whose fault was that?” Alya countered. “Chloe HELPED him. He only got as far as he did because of her and he only got away because she helped him!”

“Don’t you think this is cruel?” He argued back. “Yes, Chloe was wrong, but she was already called out for what she did by Ladybug and Chat Noir. The entire city hates her. Isn’t that enough?”

“NO!” Alya shouted. “No, it isn’t! Because Chloe has always gotten away with her antics in the past but you’re actually trying to get us to let Chloe off for a legitimate crime here! If Chloe is going to prison, it’s only because she deserves it!”

Around them, several of the others in the class nodded in agreement.

“How can you say that?” Adrien demanded. “Chloe made a mistake and she’s suffering for it! All this time, she’s felt left out and cut off and this only further emphasizes that for her! She’s been alone all this time and now she’s alone and miserable!”

“Then why should that be OUR problem?” Alya questioned, raising her hands in exasperation. “Why are you trying to MAKE it our problem?!”

Adrien drew back, looking genuinely hurt.

"But treating someone badly never made them become a good person."

"Yeah, because letting Chloe have her way all this time has totally made strides in her path to becoming a good person." Alix called out sarcastically.

"If anything, it's made her worse." Max added. "She's gone from simply causing akumas to intentionally becoming one."

“But—”

Alya cut him off. “But nothing, Adrien! You have to have some gall to be trying to get us to make nice with Chloe after she betrayed us all! And here I thought your little lecture to Marinette to make her feel bad for being relieved that Chloe was leaving Paris was pretty hard to beat.”

Nino blanched at that. “You did what?” He turned on Adrien. “Dude! You know that happened after Chloe tried to crash that train!”

“She was just trying to prove herself.” Adrien weakly argued.

“PEOPLE were on there!” Nino bit out. “They could have DIED because Chloe was showing off! And you got on to MARINETTE? Where was this attitude with Chloe?”

“I’ve called her out!”

“Yeah, one time.” Alya groused. “AFTER the rest of us had spent the better part of the day cleaning up after HER mess. Which she never apologized for or admitted to doing, by the way.��

“And in response, she threw a party.” Juleka muttered.

“It was a nice party, sure.” Rose added quickly.

Alya though shook her head. “But being a good hostess is nowhere near the same thing as being a good person. And before the night was over, you rolled over for her and she went RIGHT back to acting as she always had.”

“She made Mylene cry.” Ivan glared. “She made Mylene cry and you just laughed.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“You said it yourself: ‘she’ll never change’. Except you said that like it was a good thing.”

Marinette looked back and forth between the two, everything inside her screaming at her to help. But she was completely lost on which one she was supposed to help. Because Adrien had a point about what Chloe’s going through but Alya was right about what Chloe did and she needed to do the “right thing” and help Chloe but why did everything Alya say resonate so strongly with her and bring such a feeling of vindication—

No. She was getting distracted. She needed to help. And right now, it was Adrien against the rest of the class.

But Alya was worked up. And Adrien was looking past her to Marinette, eyes begging for help and still so hopeful that she would step in. And Chloe was still in prison and Marinette could fix everything if she just tried so why can’t she try?

“Alya,” Marinette tried. “You told me to give Chloe a chance before after the fire alarm incident, remember? You said we were a lot alike.”

“That was to get you to go to a party!” Alya shouted, making Marinette step back in surprise. “I never meant it like this!”

She stepped forward and took Marinette by the shoulders, holding her sternly.

“Marinette, you are nothing like Chloe! Not where it counts! Yeah, you both can be short sighted when it comes to trying for what you want, but you at least notice and CARE how other people feel! And when you make a mistake, you at least TRY to make it right!”

She shook her head.

“Chloe…doesn’t.”

“She doesn’t try to.” Alix cut in. “If Chloe was feeling sad and lonely, that was pretty much her own fault.”

Adrien looked like he wanted to argue, but Alix didn’t even give him a chance.

“It wasn’t like we left her out. We went well out of our way to try and befriend her. We invited her to things. We tried to help her. Hell, you said it yourself—Marinette has tried to help her more than anybody! And each and every time, Chloe only took what we offered like it was something we owed her but that she was also too good for. I mean, I certainly can’t recall a time she ever thanked me. Can you?” She asked, turning to the other classmates.

All around them, there were murmurs of agreement. Maybe a couple hesitated as they tried to recall a time—one single moment of kindness on Chloe’s part only to come up empty.

“Chloe’s had a hard time.” Adrien insisted. “You know how her parents are—”

“Oh yes, her ‘Daddy the Mayor’.” Alix rolled her eyes. “Like we don’t hear enough about him every time it comes to something Chloe wants. She only threatens us or anyone with him every other day.”

Adrien shook his head and tried to explain. “It’s only because her parents aren’t there for her emotionally.”

“Again, not seeing how this is our problem? Or justification for anything she’s done to us? Or how this excuses her willingly helping a supervillain?”

“Because we’re her classmates!” He argued back, gesturing to all of them. “Out of everyone, we’ve all had the most interactions with her.”

“All of which were negative.” Came a cutting remark, followed by grumbling.

“There were good times, too!” Adrien insisted with a frown. His eyes spanned over the assembled classmates before they came to rest on one in particular. “Kim, you have to have seen Chloe’s good side. You liked her before.”

“Before.” Kim replied, emphasizing the word and the timeframe it referred to. “But being humiliated and her sending out that pic to everyone in school kind of crushed that crush.”

“How did she even have our numbers?” Ivan asked.

“But there had to be something that made you like her in the first place.” Adrien encouraged.

The taller boy shrugged, uncertain and uncaring. “Maybe so, but was it something that was really there? Or something I just wanted to see? Because I’m looking back and quite frankly, I don’t know what past me was thinking.”

“Wow, that’s deep, man.” Nathaniel whispered.

“Thanks!”

Seeing Nathaniel gave Adrien an idea. “Wait, Nathaniel! Didn’t Chloe let you put her in your comic?”

“Forced us to, more like.” The artist bit back. “And even when we tried to fit her, we got nothing but complaints from her. It was no wonder we never got past the initial concept art for her character.”

Adrien winced. “It was an attempt, at least?”

Nathaniel wasn’t buying it. “A poor one.”

“She’s been trying to be better.” Adrien was getting increasingly frustrated. This was not how he was expecting this argument to go. “Rose? What about you? You’ve seen it, haven’t you?”

After all, Rose was sweet and caring, always willing to see the good in anyone. Surely she would have something nice about Chloe!

Juleka frowned at him over his focus on her girlfriend and moved to stand beside her. “Don’t push her.”

Still he tried.

“Rose?”

“I’m sorry, Adrien.” Rose said, hugging herself. “But Chloe has done nothing but hurt people. And going out of our way to protect her has only ended up biting us.”

That wasn’t true. Not...all the time at least. There had to have been at least one instance where she did the right thing!

Adrien brightened in realization. “Didn’t she catch you when you fell after being deakumatized during Heroes Day?”

The blonde girl frowned. “Well, yes…but she wasn’t very nice about it. Even though I did the same for her before.”

“Rose, come on…”

She shook her head. “I put myself at risk to help Chloe when she was being chased by zombies, and only got turned into one for my efforts. Chloe never appreciated it. She never thanked me. She didn’t even do anything to help when we were trying to keep her safe!”

“We all ended up kissing zombies because of her.” Alix accused, crossing her arms and looking particularly annoyed. “And not just because she caused the akuma in the first place.”

“Why are you pushing this?” Mylene asked. “We’ve been asked. We said no. Isn’t that enough?”

“But—”

“Adrien, you’ve got a good heart.” Ivan started.

“Easy for him when he’s not the one who has to be on the receiving end of Chloe’s tantrums.” Alix cut in, clearly sounding bitter.

“You’ve got a good heart.” Ivan repeated, sending Alix a look that asked her to back off. “But Chloe…doesn’t.”

Adrien shook his head, remaining insistent. “That’s why she needs help.”

“If she needs help,” Mylene spoke, “It should come from her parents. Her teachers. Any of the adults in her life. She has plenty of adults who are fully capable of helping her. It should not be expected to come from the kids she’s spent years tormenting.”

She gestured to herself and the others around her. “And that’s what she’s been doing: tormenting us.”

“To great joy, might I add.” Max droned.

“She hasn’t been cruel to everyone.” Adrien muttered.

That brought out a backlash of outrage.

“She outted my crush!”

“She insulted Mylene’s cooking and made her cry!”

“She got Aurore akumatized and nearly caused Paris to be incinerated in a volcano!”

“She tried to push Mylene out of the lead role of our movie!”

“She locked Juleka in the restroom!”

Wait...

But that hadn’t been Chloe. She had stayed with the class at the time. The one who did do it was...

He glanced around until he saw her—a redhead in the background behind the rest of the class. She looked anxious and uncomfortable, and almost seemed to be trying to edge around the class to get to the stairs.

Adrien did seem aware. Or rather, he was focused on the fact she was there.

“Sabrina? What about you? Chloe was your friend!”

Of course she would help! Because who better than her own best friend to speak on her behalf?

The rest of the class broke into mutters as they realized the same.

But Sabrina...bit her lip and looked away. Refusing to even meet Adrien’s gaze.

“Sabrina?” Marinette tried, concerned about this reaction. Sabrina had been Chloe’s best friend—or at least the closest thing she could have to a friend. “Minion” or “Servant” would be more accurate. “Slave” would be more honest.

The girl had been Chloe’s only real fan and follower, and had assisted Chloe in some of her worst plots.

Marinette had briefly seen another side to her. A girl who was so desperate for friendship that she latched onto even the slightest bit of kindness and went to the greatest of extremes to appease the “friend” so they wouldn’t leave her. It was no wonder she had fallen in with Chloe—someone like that was perfect for the spoiled girl. Compared to her, Marinette’s anxieties and need to please were nothing.

And Chloe had pretty much been her world for years.

What must she be feeling now?

“Should we really be getting her opinion?” Ivan whispered. “You know how she and Chloe were…”

“Well, if anyone would have anything positive to tell the courts about Chloe, it would be her.” Mylene whispered back.

Sabrina took a breath and spoke quickly—almost shouting in her rush.

“I’m sorry but my therapist said I shouldn’t!”

That got a surprise. The rest of the classmates glanced to each other before looking back to the girl. Adrien in particular looked shell-shocked. Marinette couldn’t blame him. She felt the same.

Sabrina for her part seemed to tense up, as if ready to defend herself from the rest of the class.

Marinette stepped forward. “Sabrina? Are…you okay?”

The other girl shook her head, looking close to tears.

“After word got out what Chloe did, the police had to question me about Chloe. They were able to see that I wasn’t involved, but they…didn’t like what I told them about our relationship. Afterwards, my dad decided to have me see a counselor and she…has been telling me things that I hadn’t really considered.” She curled in on herself. “They all think I should stay away from Chloe and anything directly related to her…for my own health.”

Adrien frowned at that. “But don’t you want to help Chloe?”

Sabrina jumped. “Of course, I do!”

“Hold up, Adrien!” Nino stepped in. “She just said police took her in because of Chloe!”

“But they let her go…”

“It still happened!” Mylene argued. “It doesn’t matter how nice they are, how innocent you know you are, or if you’re released in the end, it’s still terrifying when it happens!”

"And it only happened to her because of Chloe." Alya added.

Rose, in her infinite sweetness, reached out to take Sabrina’s hand in support. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

Sabrina sobbed and covered her face. Aside from Rose, no one else really attempted to comfort her. Most of them simply watched her, pitying her current state. But they also remembered how complicit she had been in Chloe’s schemes, so they were conflicted. While they did feel bad for her current situation, there was a part of most of them that noted how she had brought it upon herself by being Chloe‘s lackey for so long, so their sympathy was limited.

Perhaps it was out of awkwardness, or maybe an attempt to give some respect for Sabrina’s privacy that the classmates turned away from her and instead focused on the heart of the argument.

“Man...” Nino tried. “Maybe you should let it go?” Though it was clear from his tone that he knew it wasn’t likely.

Because Adrien had still not given up, it seemed.

He looked around between of the classmates, growing more desperate. But those that remained either looked at him straight on as if daring him to call on them or looked away. A few of them even closed ranks as if to block his view of certain others. It was clear none of them were willing to help him on this.

None of them except…

“Marinette.” He called out, drawing her gaze to him instantly. “You understand, don’t you?”

She bit her lip. “I…”

“Back off, Adrien.” Kim said, giving the other boy an angry frown as he stood in front of her to shield her from his gaze. “It’s not on Marinette to help Chloe.”

“Yeah! She suffered more than any of us!“ Ivan shouted.

“She has been Chloe’s main target for years.” Nathaniel agreed. “She is the last person who is obligated to help Chloe now.“

Adrien winced at the harshness of their words and in their tone. “I just thought that Marinette could help. Like before.”

“Just because she could doesn’t mean she should have had to.” Alya countered. “She’s a teenager. Dealing with Chloe should have been the job of adults. Her parents. Bustier. Damocles. Any one of them should have done something—and if they can’t, the courts will. It’s their job. Not ours.”

“And getting her to help you wouldn’t make a difference anyway even if you had convinced us.” Max said, shifting his glasses. “Chloe helped Hawk Moth. There is nothing we could say that could undo that. And even if we did try, we would either be guilty of committing perjury or aiding in a conspiracy.”

“What?” Adrien jerked in surprise.

“The best we can do is be character witnesses.” Mylene explained. “But this is a court and we can’t claim something that isn’t true! We can’t say anything nice about Chloe when she hasn’t done anything nice!”

Max nodded and shifted his glasses. “Furthermore, our testimonies—even if they were positive—would only serve to create a narrative about Chloe and the type of person she is. They can’t explain away the current evidence against her.”

He rubbed the back of his head. He knew there were issues, but he also knew Chloe. He knew what she could be like. He knew she was a good person deep down. “I know she’s made some mistakes—”

“No.” Alya stated sharply. “Calling them ‘Mistakes’ implies that her actions were unintentional. ‘Mistakes’ implies that people were harmed by accident. ‘Mistakes’ implies that she would have any point learned from them. They weren’t mistakes, Adrien. They were willful acts of cruelty every single time.”

Ivan shook his head, pityingly. “We can’t save Chloe from this. We have nothing to say in her defense. The kindest thing we can do for her is stay silent.”

“She’s better than you think she is. She threw that party once for everyone, remember? You all went.” Adrien reminded them.

“That only proved that she could throw a party and be a good host, not that she could be a good person. There is a difference.” Nathaniel pointed out.

“Not that Chloe could tell.“ Alix sniped.

Adrien ignored the barb. He had given up on getting any of them to listen and now only had eyes for her. His last hope.

“Marinette….come on…please.”

She hesitated.

Everything in her that was Ladybug and her crush on Adrien and her desire to make people happy and take the high road and give second-third-fourth chances wanted nothing more than to give it to him.

Except...

There was a long pause. No one spoke.

The other classmates have had their say. They were letting Marinette have hers. And she knew in that moment that if she spoke up…if she did as Adrien wished and tried to help Chloe…she knew they would go along with her. It may be more out of respect for Marinette than it would be out of any sort of forgiveness for anything Chloe had done, but it would still help Chloe and it would still make Adrien happy.

…and hadn’t Marinette already done that enough?

“Did you know?” Marinette started, not looking at anyone. “I would have been well within my rights to press charges against Chloe?”

Adrien balked at that.

“She’s stolen from me at least three times now.” She shrugged. “I mean, sure, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything about my diary since she had Sabrina steal it for her, but she did steal my hat design for a competition and I had proof. I could have pressed charges against Chloe and let her face some consequences…but I didn’t.”

She looked up at Adrien. “I also could have pressed charges for what she did to my gift for Madame Bustier. Since she did break into my locker and vandalize my property while it was still technically mine…but I didn’t.

“Adrien.” She spoke almost in monotone, the only sign of her emotions being how she clenched her fists. “Did you know that after the fashion show, my parents and I took a train to get home?”

He furrowed his brows in confusion. What did that have to do with anything?

“It was the same train Chloe took control of and nearly caused to crash.”

Several gasps resounded around them. Apparently this had not been common knowledge.

“Even if Chloe could have bought her way out of any consequence for the other things, we all could certainly have had her face some major trouble for that one…” Marinette took a shuddering breath. “But we didn’t.”

Adrien frowned. “I…I see that—”

“No, I don’t think you do.” She cut him off. “Because instead of any of that…rather than hold Chloe accountable at any point, I catered to her. I tried to understand Chloe. I tried to make things nicer for Chloe. I tried to excuse Chloe. Time and again. Just like everyone else. Just like you wanted me to. Just like you’re asking me to now. And what did that get us?”

The more she talked, the more words filled out and she was unable to stop the torrent.

“I defended her from Alya after Madame Bustier was akumatized, and Chloe stole a Miraculous and nearly got my family killed. I helped Chloe bond with her Mom—costing myself any chance at a once in a lifetime opportunity in the process—and Chloe tried to get me banished from Paris just for saying she wasn’t a superhero. I threw Chloe a party to show her some appreciation, and she willingly worked with a supervillain to take over Paris. Just to fuel her ego and because she felt she was owed something that wasn’t hers.”

She tilted her head, considering.

“What is that American saying? Three strikes and you’re out?” Her eyes narrowed. “I have given Chloe more than three chances. I have done nothing BUT give her chances. And clean up after her. And just…try to help her. At no point has she been grateful. At no point did she ever apologize. Or show the slightest bit of remorse for anyone she hurt. Or just…try to do better.”

She stepped forward. Past her classmates. Past Alya, who looked ready to tear into Adrien herself.

“So tell me, Adrien. How much more am I supposed to do? What miracle am I supposed to achieve to help Chloe to be a better person that I haven’t already done?”

“You can just try.” Adrien begged. “Chloe’s alone. She has no one in her corner. You’ve given her chances before! Can’t you find it in your heart to give her another chance this time?”

“Why haven’t you?” Alya demanded.

Adrien drew back in surprise at that.

But the girl wasn’t letting him off. “If you’re so certain Chloe is the victim in all this, then why aren’t you stepping up to help her? Why are you pushing Marinette and the rest of us to do it?”

Alya wrapped an arm around Marinette in support. “If you truly believe Chloe has some sort of inner goodness that only needs the right person to bring it out, then it’s pretty clear Marinette is just not that person. She’s tried enough.”

Alix nodded. “I’m pretty sure she could’ve demolished a brick wall with how many time she’s banged her head against it by this point trying to drag a decent person out of Chloe.”

Others in the class also nodded and gave sounds of agreement to that.

Adrien frowned, lowering his head despondently. “I’m just one person. There’s only so much weight my word will have. I just...I just want to give her the best chance.”

“That’s nice for Chloe, I guess.” Kim muttered. “But not much for us.”

Adrien looked up in surprise. “What do you mean?”

Alya stepped forward, releasing Marinette in the process. “Adrien, why should we as Chloe’s victims have to help protect her? That’s the thing we’re not getting here. WE are the ones she hurt. WE are the ones she betrayed to Hawk Moth. So why are WE supposed to try and save her from her own consequences? Why are you wanting us to?”

Adrien hesitated.

“Can you even imagine what it was like? Being frozen in time. Unable to move or speak? Only able to hear her voice in your head? Feeling your body respond as she’s calling you and being unable to stop?” She clutched her arms, as if trying to hug herself. “Do you have any idea how terrified I was knowing what she was doing to us but being completely unable to stop it? How humiliating it was when she had us bowing to her and calling her our Queen? And then…” She took a breath. “She made us fight our heroes. Ladybug and Chat Noir trusted us to help them and we used the Miraculous they entrusted to us to try and kill them.”

“We were just lucky that they were able to turn the tables on us.” Kim muttered. “I don’t even want to know what would have happened if we had won.”

“Luka still has nightmares.” Juleka whispered. “He won’t talk about it, but he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks.”

Marinette winced. She hadn’t even considered that everyone else could be suffering ramifications of Miracle Queen as well.

“We could have killed them.” Max stated. “Given the nature of the Snake Miraculous’s power, we very well could have more than once for all we know.”

“Maybe you wouldn’t have killed them?” Rose suggested, trying to be positive. “I mean, Chloe wanted all of the Miraculous, right? She probably wanted them as her servants as well.”

Max glared. “I’m pretty sure I attempted to send Chat Noir into space. Even a Miraculous can’t protect someone from that.”

Adrien tried not to wince at the memory. How he managed to even move enough to activate the Miraculous, he still wasn’t sure.

“We fought against them. We never wanted to, but we did.” Alya bit out. “Not even because of Hawk Moth this time, but because of Chloe. And now you are wanting us to just…overlook the trauma of the whole thing to help Chloe after what she did. For something she hasn’t shown even the slightest remorse for.”

She shook her head.

“I know you’re nice, Adrien. But this level of kindness is a cruelty.”

He winced. And it looked like he wanted to argue. But he just…wilted.

“I just…it feels harsh. What’s happening to her. The amount of hate she’s getting. That her entire life could be over.”

That was true. While they felt her current status was well deserved, it was a harsh sentence for anyone. Especially a teenager.

Nathaniel sighed. “Adrien, it is harsh. Maybe cruel. But fact is that she still brought on herself.”

“Isn’t that just victim-blaming though?” Adrien countered, frustrated now. “I mean, Hawk Moth manipulated her! How was that her fault? He’s the one who did it. She was…” He clenched his fists in anger. “Chloe is a victim.”

“No, we are the victims.” Alya insisted, gesturing to herself and the other revealed former heroes. “We were the ones used to fight our heroes. We were the ones who had our identities revealed to the world against our will. And now we are the ones having to live with the results of Chloe‘s choices, just like we always are.“

Adrien looked ready to argue. And maybe he would have, except...

Nino rested a hand on Adrien’s shoulder.

“Adrien. Dude. Just stop. We have enough to deal with and this…this isn’t helping.”

Adrien frowned at that, concerned by his friend’s attitude. “Nino?”

Nino lowered his head. “I wasn’t going to say anything. Really, I was trying not to think about it. But my parents are currently talking with police about their options. Now that I’ve been exposed as one of the temporary heroes, they’re questioning if it’s not safe for us at home anymore. There is a chance of us having to go into protective custody.”

Alya winced at that, drawing attention to her. “My parents have been talking as well. My mom quit her job. She said she doesn’t want to work for someone who would let their daughter do such a thing and put me in danger. She’s looking at drawing me out of school since it was pretty much Chloe‘s base of operations. And since Chloe is the Mayor’s daughter…and Hawk Moth…and just…everything?” She looked away, clearly anxious.

“There’s a chance we may have to move out of Paris altogether.”

Marinette gasped.

Alya looked to the other girl, sad and guilty all in one. “I’m sorry, girl. I guess I’ve been hoping it wouldn’t be an issue. I’ve been trying to talk them out of it, but it’s hard given everything that happened. Currently, the only reason they’re willing to stay is to see through to the end of the trial. But after that…” She shrugged, shaking her head uncertainly. “Who can say?”

“No…” Adrien whispered in shock.

The others in class came closer around her, trying to offer some comfort and reassurances—what little they could give, at least. This was a situation that was clearly beyond them. Marinette herself hugged Alya tightly for all she was worth, and the other girl held her back just as much, neither wanting to be parted.

Adrien, however, remained on the outside looking in. Watching the people Chloe had tormented even before Miracle Queen and realizing just how badly they’ve been hurt by this. It hit him then—for what was perhaps the first time just how much pain Chloe had caused his friends. And how unfair he had been to expect them to simply deal with it.

He stayed the lone person outside of the circle. By this point, did he really deserve to join in the comfort? To try to be the one to give comfort? After what he had tried to push on them all?

After minutes passed, they were finally able to draw away from each other.

“I’m sorry for not saying anything sooner.” Alya told Marinette. “I guess I was just hoping…y’know…that it wasn’t real. Or that it would go away and things would work out on their own.”

Marinette smiled. “No, I understand.”

And she did. That’s exactly what she herself had been doing for the past few weeks as well. Trying to deal with things without really dealing with them. Working without acknowledging just what it all meant because she was scared she would break down and that would be just one more thing Hawk Moth would have won because of this whole mess.

“I was kind of the same way.” She admitted, and it felt like a slight relief to be able to say aloud to someone. “I’m sorry I couldn’t talk to you about it.”

She still couldn’t, unfortunately. Not about Ladybug and the kwamis and the Miracle Box.

But…she could talk about Fu. How she lost him. How she feels. She could help support Alya and her classmates and be there for them in the meantime.

She…hadn’t lost everything.

Not yet.

And that was the scary thing…

Adrien gaped at the group. He had thought the trauma was bad enough, and that at least could be worked through. But this...

“I’m sorry. I...I didn’t even realize...”

“Adrien, what Chloe did put a major target on our backs.” Alya explained. “Nobody knows how we became heroes, or that Ladybug was the one to specifically choose us and give us the miraculous to use. Nobody knows WHY we were chosen. It’s not just Hawk Moth, any regular criminal can come after us now in an attempt to get a hold of that power. And we can’t exactly protect ourselves.”

She shrugged helplessly.

“We kind of have enough to worry about with the fallout of Chloe‘s actions. And now you want us to try and protect Chloe on top of that?“

Seeing it now, in this light...it was cruel. It was cruel and unfair and hurtful, and Marinette felt horrible for considering letting herself be talked into it.

Adrien himself felt horrible for even suggesting it.

“We all have to live with the consequences of Chloe’s choices.” Alya stated. “So why shouldn’t she?”

Silence followed. It practically echoed throughout the entire hallway.

He said nothing in response. What could he possibly say? He’d known that Chloe was…difficult with other people, to say the least. He’d known the type of person she was. But she was his friend and friends forgive and support each other, right?

But they were right as well. It wasn’t fair to expect them to help Chloe after what she did. Especially once he knew of the level of harm she’d caused them. He felt the horror trickle in. The trauma everyone felt. The knowledge of what they’d been forced to do. The fact that…

He suddenly found it harder to breathe.

Nino could leave.

Adrien could lose his best friend because of this.

And who knew how many of the others would be forced to leave as well. Aside from Nino; Kim, Max, Alya, and Luka were other heroes as well. Juleka was Luka’s sister. And how many of the other classmates might be pulled out of this class and school because it’s unsafe? And Kagami—oh god, she was outted as well. He hadn’t heard from her in a while. Her mother is probably furious. She could move back to Japan because of this. And Marinette…she had been lucky to not be caught up in that fight since she was a hero only the one time, but that could have been just one more thing Chloe ruined for her…

…what about himself?

He paled.

He was longtime friends with Chloe. Went to school with Chloe. Was in class with Chloe. Chloe, who was currently getting a lot of heat from all of Paris. How was his Father going to react to that? The man was always focused on the company and appearances…what would he do now that Chloe had fallen from grace in such a way? Would he forbid Adrien from talking to Chloe again? Would he pull Adrien from school?

…would he ban Adrien from leaving the house altogether?

How was he only just now considering the impact? For himself or anyone else? Of course people would be hurt. Of course they would be upset. Of course people would respond. Somehow, he knew that, and yet he had only been focused on Chloe that it hadn’t actually hit home until now…

And in that light…

It had been selfish to ask. Honestly, he’d known that when he first tried to approach Marinette. But he felt he had to try. Honestly, part of him had known better than to ask in the first place. But at the same time…there was a part of him that still believed things could just go back to “normal”.

…how foolish. That was a “normal” that nobody else wanted. And even more, it was one that was now impossible…all because of Chloe herself.

“I just wanted to help.”

He deflated, losing all remaining fight.

“I’m sorry.”

The classmates glanced between each other. There was much they could have said, but really, anything they could have said already had been. And with him seeming resigned, it appeared there was no longer a need to defend themselves.

Marinette—ever the mediator, stepped up and hugged Adrien.

“Adrien, this isn’t something you can help with. None of us can. What happens in the trial is up to the courts. And what happens to Chloe is up to her.”

Slowly, he reached up and hugged her as well. The warmth and comfort brought some limited solace in this situation. He felt lost. Out of control. Like the world was moving around him and he didn’t know where he was standing much less where he was supposed to be.

They weren’t ready to forgive Chloe. And he couldn’t force them to be. Given the circumstances, he couldn’t blame them. And it was really unfair of him to try. Especially…

“I’m sorry, Marinette.” He whispered to her.

He had tried to use her. Looking back, he had a bit of a tendency to rely on Marinette to fix things when she shouldn’t have had to. Especially when it was for Chloe’s sake. He knew plenty of times Chloe had done things…but he always seemed to overlook how hurt Marinette was because of it, simply due to how well she always appeared afterwards. She was strong and confident, but also a good listener and willing to forgive. It was like nothing really brought her down.

It was due to this that Marinette was often the one he turned to whenever things happened. Because she would listen. She would understand. And she would always try to help, regardless of her position.

In this light…he may have over relied on her too much.

“I wasn’t fair to you.” He admitted. “I just saw Chloe hurting and only thought about how to fix things for her. I didn’t consider your feelings.” He hugged her more strongly. “I’m sorry.”

She didn’t speak. But she squeezed him back.

He felt another body press against him. A quick glance showed it to be Nino.

“I’m still super mad with her. And I don’t like how you tried to push us to defend her after what she did. But I get that she’s your friend and you care about her. I’d do the same if it were you in her place.” He gave a small laugh. “Not that I think you ever would, of course.”

Adrien smiled back. “Thanks.”

This…this felt much better.

Things weren’t okay right now. He still wanted to help Chloe. His classmates were still hurt. People were still angry. Hawk Moth was still out there.

But whatever happened...in this moment, he felt they could make it.

[thereaderstea]

I am back! I’ve been having a tough time to be honest and I was wondering if you have any fic recs that deal with mental health/illnesses? Just need fics that let me know I’m not alone here:( - ☂️

welcome back and merry meet, ☂️ carissima! i'm so happy to see you again! i'm sorry to hear you've been having a tough time; i want you to know my inbox and dms are always open if you ever need a listening ear 💜 also, here’s a mental health resource list.

mental health and mental illness are my favorite topics! so i have a lot of them in my library. i have also started reading on and navigating ao3, so i included a couple of fics from there. i included just the mental health warnings for each fic, but please check the fic's warnings before reading as most (if not all) of these fics are heavy and the multi-chaptered fics indicates what each chapter includes.

general warning: these fics (under the cut) may contain topics of mental health, mental illness, physical illness, death, grief/mourning, suicidality, panic attacks, abuse, and more.

BTS Mental Health Fic Recs

lost, then found by @magicalcrwn ➵ksj x reader | angst, fluff, hurt/comfort | oneshot | 2.2k ➵mental health warnings: talks of loneliness, existential crisis, implied suicidal thoughts

“When it comes, the two hands overlap / Then the whole world holds its breath for a moment / Zero o’clock“

Life is hard, sometimes you just gotta take a step back and breathe.

Stay by @sahmfanficbts ➵jjk x reader | hurt/comfort | established relationship au | oneshot | 2.9k ➵mental health warnings: depression, recovery, mentions of suicide

“Till death do us part” Your husband JK will do everything in his power to help you see how much he needs you to stay.

Candle by @tae-cup | The Reader's Tea ➵myg x reader | angst, fluff | oneshot | 4.3k ➵mental health warnings: depressing thoughts, thoughts of suicide, recovery.

You met him at the lowest point in your life. He was your candle, your light, and he helped you fly to the clouds.

nightlight by @minniepetals ➵ot7 x reader | angst, fluff, hurt/comfort | mafia au | oneshot | 7.7k ➵mental health warnings: mentions of abuse, mentions of death, reader has insomnia, nightmares.

things have never been easy for you but you never expected it’d be them that would make things easier.

heartbeat by minniepetals ➵ot7 x reader | angst, fluff, hurt/comfort | hybrid au | oneshot | 9.7k ➵mental health warnings: mentions of abuse, anxiety, nightmares.

running away from your master is never easy so you deem yourself this will be the last time if you are fatefully brought back to his hold again. so what happens when you stumble upon seven men who says they won’t bring you back? what happens when they promise you their love and care instead?

comforting arms by minniepetals ➵ot7 x reader | fluff, hurt/comfort | established relationship au | drabble | 1.2k ➵mental health warnings: stress, sadness/feeling down.

they come home to find you silently crying to yourself.

What Money Can Buy by @jeonstudios ➵jjk x reader | angst, fluff | oneshot | 17.8k ➵mental health warnings: reader has depression, loneliness, mentions of death.

in need of money, jeongguk signs up as a sugar baby, assuming he’ll be paid for sex by some old kinky woman. he never expected to meet someone like you. what were you doing on that site, and why would you have to pay for company?

A Place Called Home by @agustdakasuga | The Reader's Tea ➵➵ot7 x reader | fluff, angst, hurt/comfort | hybrid au | series | 88.3k ➵arctic fox!seokjin, panther!yoongi, golden retriever!hoseok, wolf!namjoon, calico cat!jimin, tiger!taehyung, rabbit!jungkook,  vet!mc, human!mc ➵mental health warnings: ksj has anxiety, ksj was non-verbal, pjm has PTSD and anxiety, recovery, mentions of abuse, mentions of death, injuries, fighting rings.

Having saved your own injured hybrid, you were determined to try and help any other hybrid that crossed your path who needed saving. But being a vet in a small hospital wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to do more, you wanted to make a difference. You wanted to give them a home.

Fix You by @casuallyimagining ➵myg x reader | fluff, angst, slow burn hurt/comfort | hybrid au | series | ongoing ➵mental health warnings: discussion of physical abuse, emotional abuse, discussion of sexual abuse, discussion of self-harm

When you take in a stray cat, you have no idea he’s secretly a hybrid trying to escape his past. Can you help him heal?

Filtering Light by @sybilwriting ➵jjk x pjm x reader | fluff, angst | hybrid au | series | ongoing ➵bunny!reader, human!jimin, human!jungkook, ft. human!seokjin, human!yoongi, golden retriever!hoseok, tiger!taehyung ➵mental health warnings: mentions of past abuse, allusions of sexual assault, recovery, reader has anxiety and PTSD, panic attacks.

the reader is a bunny hybrid with a past that has left her traumatized and struggling to heal. some things can be helped with therapy, but some things can only be fixed through realizing you’re not all of the things that hurt you—you are, in fact, just loved.

Before I Leave You by @hollyhomburg ➵ot7 x reader | fluff, angst, slow burn, hurt/comfort | omegaverse, mafia au | series | ongoing ➵omega!reader, omega!seokjin, omega!jungkook, beta!yoongi, alpha!hoseok, alpha!namjoon, alpha!jimin, alpha!taehyung ➵mental health warnings: emotional and physical abuse, forced mating marks, graphic murder scenes, negative self-talk, self-esteem issues, non-verbal characters, abandonment, PTSD, hurt/comfort, agoraphobia, implied/referenced self-harm, suicidal thoughts and brief desperate suicide attempt, gender dysphoria, internalized transphobia, internalized misogyny, unintended outings, epilepsy.   

Someone always has to leave first; They just didn’t expect Yoongi to come back with a new omega (who’s clearly been through some shit).

Don’t Worry Love by hollyhomburg ➵jhs x reader, pjm x reader | angst, hurt/comfort | duology | 4.5k ➵mental health warnings: mc has anorexia/eating disorder, anxiety, fainting.

You thought you had your bad habit under control- but when you wake up in a hospital room your boyfriend: Jung Hoseok confronts you- rightfully angry that you nearly starved yourself to death.

Part 1: Don’t Worry Love | Part 2: Just For You

Open Up Baby (Just Let Me In) by hollyhomburg ➵jhs x reader | fluff, hurt/comfort | established relationship au | oneshot | 2.1k ➵mental health warnings: depictions of mental illness, mc has PTSD, night terrors, anxiety attacks, flashbacks, implied abuse.

Hoseok knows that opening up is hard, and that healing is harder. But can see you struggling- but he’s torn, he can’t let you drown under the weight of whatever this is. He just wants to help you. He just wants to know.

Eyes On Me by hollyhomburg ➵knj x reader | fluff, hurt/comfort | established relationship au | oneshot | 4.3k ➵mental health warnings: knj has anxiety and panic attacks.

Kim Namjoon knows how bad his anxiety can get, but when he starts having panic attacks you decide to step in: lakeside hijinks ensue.

Sweet Like Honey (Break Like Glass) by hollyhomburg ➵kth x reader | fluff, angst | established relationship au | oneshot | 6.7k ➵mental health warnings: mentions of body dysmorphia, self-esteem issues, dysphoria, internalized self-hate, references to eating disorder.

Taehyung knows there’s something wrong with his girlfriend; the way she can’t look at herself in the mirror sometimes or the countless other bad days. He makes it his mission to make her feel as beautiful as possible.

eternal sunshine by sunlightvmin (ao3) ➵knj x jjk | angst, domestic fluff, hurt/comfort | android au | oneshot | 13k ➵mental health warnings: epidemic, death, suicide attempt, depression, anxiety disorder, grief/mourning, recovery, philosophical/existential talks, morality. ➵make sure you read/scroll all the way to the bottom because i almost didn’t and nearly lost my heart.

When half of the world dies, Namjoon forgets what it is like to live.

Android JK-0901 helps him learn how to, again.

Calcu-LATER by tae-cup ➵kth x reader, pjm x reader | fluff, angst, humor | college au | series | ongoing ➵ mental health warnings: slight internalized homophobia, anxiety attack, implied disorder.

Math never fails you. The numbers might not always make sense, but you know there must be a solution. Everything fits together like a perfect puzzle, like your tidy life and solitary living…until Kim Taehyung spills paint all over your notebook. He, quite literally, trips into your life.

Ch 1. Gouache on Calculator’s by Kim Taehyung | The Reader’s Tea Ch 2. Social Events? I Think Not | The Reader’s Tea Ch 3. Valentine’s Day | The Reader’s Tea Ch 4. Colossians 3:9 | The Reader’s Tea

it's hard to keep the colors inside the lines by orphan_account (ao3) ➵pjm x knj | college au, cafe au | duology | 38k ➵mental health warnings: pjm has insomnia, implied eating disorder, anxiety, panic attacks, mention of suicide. ➵i actually just started reading this the other day and haven’t been able to finish it yet but i love it so far! knj is an adorable, lanky barista who rambles and pjm is, in the author’s words, “a soft anxious cupcake.”

Park Jimin’s just trying to get through life without collapsing of sleep deprivation. Good thing Kim Namjoon works at a sleep clinic.

If I Only Get A Year With You by hollyhomburg ➵ksj x reader | angst, domestic fluff, hurt/comfort | oneshot | 2.1k ➵mental health warnings: mentions of death and self-harm, grief.

When both of your significant others die in the same car crash there is no one else you can turn to besides your longtime friend, Kim Seokjin. You both run away to grieve, but what you find in your sadness is more than you could have ever hoped for.

Beyond Reach by @jimlingss ➵jhs x reader | angst | grim reaper au, ghost au | series | 6 ch. | ➵priestess!mc, ghost!hoseok, reaper!namjoon, ft. other members ➵mental health warnings: death, topics of suicide, topics of illness.

If someone could see what you could, they’d pass out. But you don't blame them. Who would ever expect for a ghost, a priestess and a grim reaper to be together - much less be rescuing others.

Stay by @deepdarkdelights | The Reader’s Tea ➵pjm x reader (first person pov) | angst | oneshot | 1.8k ➵mental health warnings: topics of death and dying. quote from stay:

“The world was one that had been plunged into darkness, devoid of the sky, devoid of the ground, and devoid of life. It was just the dark mist overhead and me. [...]

Was I even alive, had I ever been born? What is this strange but familiar place?”

here you go, mea ☂️ carissima! i hope you enjoy these stories, and remember that i’m here if you need an ear 💜 i wish you a well journey through your tough times.

sweet water and light laughter till next we meet,

your fellow reading monster, tor-mon 🖤

[goggles-mcgee]

Too Late: Luka & Kagami (commission for miner249er)

Chapter 6 of the commission for @miner249er 

Previous Work

Last Chapter                              Next Chapter

Summary:  Luka and Kagami just being there for one another and trying not to drown in their guilt and grief

It was mostly quiet between the two, Kagami had taken to channel surfing while Luka strummed his guitar aimlessly till he got sad and frustrated that he couldn’t find a melody. Then he would meditate before trying again. Mostly he was trying to get back into the music for his mom and Juleka’s piece of mind, he knew they were worried about him, he knew they noticed the lack of music in his life, but he also knew they knew why. Marinette. Even just thinking her name made his heartstrings tug painfully. How had everything gone so wrong? Him and Kagami had a plan, at the time it seemed like a good plan, but thinking back on it now he couldn’t help but see it for all it’s flaws, and there were...many. He felt like a fool, but he hadn’t brought up their failed plan because he knew Kagami could not handle hearing about their failure. He could hear it in her song, he could see it in her eyes, it was seeped into her very being, and all he could feel was pain and regret. That’s why there was no more music.

The “music” he would make would sound like his heart and his thoughts, and at the present they sounded like someone threw silverware in a blender and he felt like he was in that blender himself. Constantly hurting, constantly trying to get out and heal, but never being able to because he was too caught up in the motions. Once he had gotten the Snake Miraculous, he thought he understood the saying, “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” His power was all about learning from the “past” and that saying had always been something that had stuck with him. He thought him and Kagami were well prepared to handle anything with their plan, but the more he thought of it, the more he screamed at himself that they should have told Ladybug, they should have told Marinette, they should have said something, anything. 

Romeo & Juliet had always been his least favorite Shakespeare play, he hated miscommunication in tragedies. It worked well as a plot device in comedies, but in tragedies it was just frustrating. Luka always believed people could be better than the famous star-crossed characters and everyone else in the play, he truly believed he was above that level of miscommunication. Sure he had trouble explaining himself, more often than not he used his music as his voice, confident it would make sure his feelings were communicated clearly. Then Marinette came and he found himself wanting to talk without his instrument as the voice, each day built his confidence, he had never been that confident in his talking abilities, and then everything crashed and burned. Miscommunication was the fuel. 

He was sure if he hadn’t cried as much as he had already he would be in a fit of sobs at the moment, but as it was, Luka was all cried out. So was Kagami it would seem, whose mother uncharacteristically was actually giving her time to herself, time to grieve, and time with her “friends.” Luka knew the only friends Kagami had were him and Marinette, and there had been that air of almost more that hung above them all, but just thinking of that hurt him more than he could ever put into words or song. It was easier to deal with the heartbreak of the things that came to be and passed rather than the ones that hadn’t even had a chance to see the light, or even have the opportunity to be a proper thought that was discussed. No. No. He wouldn’t think about it. He couldn’t think about it. 

“Luka? You okay?” He heard Kagami’s soft voice ask. He looked to her immediately hoping he wasn’t showing the desperation he was feeling, but at the tight smile he got in return he knew he failed hiding it. “Thinking about her again?”

He made a noise somewhere between yes and no. It was harder to talk when she disappeared, but he didn’t want to leave Kagami to have to interpret all his sounds so he cleared his throat and pushed past the lump that seemed to be stuck there no matter what he did. “Shakespeare.” 

Kagami nodded and took a seat beside him on the couch and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Romeo and Juliet again?”

Luka sighed and nodded as he closed his eyes and leaned his head on top of Kagami’s softly. “I know it’s not technically history, but it’s a part of history and it made me think.” 

“I would say stop thinking since that’s all you’ve been doing today, but I know that is not easy and not actually achievable.” 

“If I could stop thinking that would be great. I just...she would still be here if I had-”

“If we.”

“If we had just communicated we wouldn’t have lost her...I...we…” Luka growled before sitting up and grabbing his guitar and playing an angry harsh cord. He held his guitar to his chest like a lifeline, his grip not loosening, the string biting into his skin and for a moment he wished it stung or imprinted but his callouses protected him. 

“I know. I know. She...Marinette was my first friend. The first friend I had ever made on my own. Not one my mother made me have because it would be good for the company or because it would make me or her business partners look good.” Kagami started to tell Luka, of course he paid attention, Kagami wasn’t really one to open up about how she felt. Even with all the time she had spent with him and Marinette and all the encouragement they both gave her to be more open with them. “I thought...I believed our plan was foolproof. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t stop to think of human error, and everything that could go wrong. Marinette...Marinette and you gave me optimism Luka. I had never looked at the world or any situation I had faced with optimism. It’s not how I was raised. Or any Tsuguri for that matter.” 

Luka didn’t know what to say so he held Kagami’s hand and gave it a squeeze for comfort and a way to say to continue if she felt comfortable. There of course was an anxious little voice inside his head that was screaming that, maybe, just maybe, if Kagami hadn’t spent so much time with them, everything could have been avoided but he quickly shot that thought down. He would never regret becoming friends with Kagami. Never. She was Marinette’s and his compass. She gave them control and direction when the two of them wandered too far. Luka was the calm, he was the ship’s wheel. He followed the compass and made sure to keep them all steady and comfortable, but he was always ready to change the course if they all needed the change of scenery.

 At first, Luka thought of Marinette as the sea. Beautiful, full of life and emotion, taking care of all the creatures and life in its waters, and filled with creativity. Then she changed in his mind to a lighthouse, something that would call him and Kagami home, a safe haven, something to strive for. Again the image in his mind changed to her as their anchor. She kept them both grounded, she made sure Luka didn’t get too lost in his thoughts and she made sure Kagami didn’t second guess herself. She kept them safe. Marinette was all those things and more. 

“But you guys,” Luka tuned back into Kagami and berated himself for getting lost in his thoughts, “you guys gave me optimism. I was no longer just thinking about the bad that could happen in things. When we made our plan, I thought I had been thorough, that we had been thorough. I wanted to believe we were doing the right thing. The intelligent thing. Most importantly, I wanted to believe we were doing the helpful thing. I was optimistic. I was hopeful. And in the end we lost her…”

“Kagami...There is nothing wrong with being optimistic.”

“Did I say there was?” She snapped before her expression fell and she held Luka’s hand in both of hers, her eyes teared up as she looked at him. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you didn’t mean it Gami.”

“That doesn’t make it right.”

“Maybe not but you have already apologized. That’s what makes it okay.” 

“If you say so...I’m just not entirely convinced, but okay. It’s just, I love that you and Marinette are optimists. I liked seeing things positively for once and not always thinking what could or will go wrong if I didn’t do things perfectly. But the one time I do so, it bit me in return. I...I hesitated Luka. Now Marinette is gone, the media only reminds us of her akuma and only wants to speak of her akuma and not the wonderful person she is. Except maybe Nadja and Aurore’s blog. It’s all that’s on TV, then there’s the whole Agreste situation that I would prefer not to think about but again, the media is focused on it.” After Kagami let all that out it was like she deflated and sunk into the comfort of the couch. Luka decided to join in and just flopped himself back into the couch and just stared up at the ceiling. 

“Oh yeah...that. On one hand I can believe it, on the other I don’t want to but yeah let’s just...not get into that today. Maybe another day,” Luka grimaced at the memory of all the Agreste “rumors” flying around, and honestly he understood why Kagami would prefer not to think about any of that. 

“Or ever. That could be beneficial too.” 

“Gami. You know it’s better to face something than avoid it.”

“Perhaps, but avoidance sounds like the better option considering everything that has happened.” 

“Have you spoken to Adrien at all?” 

“No. Not since I found out he had no spine. And now...now I don’t even know how I would go about speaking to him. I do feel for him, but he’s not someone I consider a friend anymore. If anything he’s an acquaintance by necessity.” She huffed out with a shrug of her shoulder as she once more grabbed the remote for the TV and returned to channel surfing. 

“Yeah, I get what you mean. It’s....talking with Jules has been hard. It was hard before, but now it’s...I don’t know. I know she wants to talk to me, I try to talk to her, but she won’t talk to me. She used to before Lila. Then we fought...we never fought...but she didn’t want to listen to me about Lila and her screeching of a song. Juleka got mad that I couldn’t see the “true” Marinette. She said I was blinded by my...my feelings.” Luka preferred not to remember him and Juleka fighting but it had become normal ever since his sister had started listening to Lila Rossi. After everything that passed though, Juleka wouldn’t even look at him unless it was in worry, like she couldn’t look at him. Not because he wasn’t worth her time, but because she seemed to believe that she wasn’t worth his. 

 In the simplest of terms, it was heartbreaking. 

“Rossi has been exposed now though. She knows you were right.” Kagami said full of confusion, and Luka could admit it sounded confusing no matter how you looked at it.

“I think it’s because I-we- were right.” 

Luka glanced over at Kagami and saw her frowning, “She’s angry that you, that we, were right?”

“I think it’s more shame than anger. I don’t doubt there is anger there, but it’s most likely directed at herself.  Her song is all over the place…” He admitted with a sigh, he just wished that Juleka would open up to him like she used to so he could help. He didn’t know what was going on, but he knew that something was happening at her school and it wasn’t good for her or her classmates. He hated thinking his sister was getting bullied but with Marinette’s rise to fame as an akuma and her almost cult-like following and those who raised her to martyr status all around, he wouldn’t be surprised if the “Akuma Class” was being “taught a lesson.” 

“And yet she still won’t talk to you?” 

“It’s...complicated. We are both not the strongest talkers, but it has always been worse for Jules. Now with everything that has happened…” Luka let out a frustrated breath and ran his hands over his face. Before him or Kagami could say anything else to add on to the conversation they heard rushed footsteps hurrying down the stairs towards them. Immediately, Luka recognized them as Juleka’s footsteps. 

Juleka burst into the lounge from the deck, one look at her and Luka felt his anger rise. His sister’s clothing was ruined, her jeans that she had painstakingly sewn the lace to the outer edges of herself were splattered in paint and if he wasn’t mistaken there were rips on the knees. Her shirt looked wet and paint splattered, as did her hair, and one glance at her only visible eye told Luka she had been crying. She seemed startled to see them there and for a while none of them spoke, the only noise came from the TV where it had seemed to stop on a news channel since Kagami stopped her channel surfing in favor of focusing on Juleka’s entrance.

As soon as Luka stood up to comfort Juleka, maybe ask who the hell did that to her, she just as quickly shouldered past him and ran into her bunker with a slam of the door. That was another new thing, though not unneeded, they both got separate rooms after...after Marinette had helped Luka convince his mom they deserved separate rooms. Especially because of Jules and his ages and the fact a curtain wasn’t enough privacy but then there was the fighting due to the Lila and Marinette situation. It was just easier for them all if he and Juleka got separate rooms, his mom agreed, he knew it was because she noticed the tense silences and the loud music coming from them both during that time. So Kagami and Marinette helped Luka clean out another bunker room that had been used as a storage room and then helped him move in. 

Luka didn’t know how long he stood there just looking at Juleka’s door but he came back to himself when he felt Kagami place her hand on his shoulder. He looked down at her to see her giving him a sympathetic smile and gave his shoulder a squeeze for comfort. It was grounding, but Luka’s heart still hurt at his sister’s refusal to talk to him or Kagami. He knew she needed him, and honestly he needed her too, he just wanted to be her brother again, and her be his little sister that was sometimes annoying but it was in a loving way. Everything had changed and Luka felt like he was on a sinking ship with nothing to grab onto for support except Kagami but he didn’t want to drag her down with him. 

“I just…” He started, his voice tight with tears.

“I know.” Kagami answered. 

“...Collège Françoise Dupont.” Both of their heads whipped towards the TV once they heard the name of that school. On the screen were two reporters that neither were very familiar with but they had seen the news channel in passing. 

“Is that right? An investigation?” The male reporter asked.

“That is correct Robert! It has been confirmed by inside sources that a full scale investigation will be launched on Collège Françoise Dupont! Not only for its horrible negligence against The Protector but because of new reports made by students who no longer fear having to be akumatized since Hawkmoth has conveniently disappeared. Apparently the number of calls to the Board of Education was just appalling. As were the reasons behind the reports.” The female reporter announced with a plastic smile, but if you looked it would twitch every so often like she was fighting to keep smiling.

“I would like to say I’m surprised Madeline, but that would ultimately be a lie.” Robert quipped back with an equally plastic looking smile. 

“Yes it would Robert.” The reporter called Madeline chuckled as she said that. “In other news still connected to The Protector, her parents will be getting an official apology from TVi Studios after said studio used footage of their daughter without permission written or otherwise.”

Luka and Kagami winced at the mention of Tom and Sabine as they knew the couple were having a hard time, but they had no idea that TVi Studios showed that segment without permission. Luka especially had a hard time believing it considering Nadja worked there and was a good friend of Sabine’s. Kagami looked particularly worried about this so Luka nudged her as a way to ask what was wrong. “Do you think they sued the studio? I don’t think M Dupain and Mme Cheng are in the right state emotionally to go through a lawsuit.”

“Well...they said it was an official apology so I don’t think they sued, which is good, because you’re right. They are in no state to go through a lawsuit or anything much at the moment.” Luka agreed.

“On to World News, there has been an amazing recent discovery in Northern Scotland. It has stumped the people, and historians. When we come back from the break we will talk about this historic find and what it means for the people of Scotland. See you after the break Paris!” Robert said before the commercials started up. Luka didn’t know why, but something told him that discovery was important.

Next Chapter

[may-fanfic]

In A Minute 

summary: natasha wasn’t the same since the blip and after 5 years, she finally found a sense of hope, only for it all to come crashing down for you when Natasha doesn’t return like she’s supposed to 

warnings: death, angst 

rating: 18+

word count : 2,473

a/n: just watched endgame again and im grieving so i wrote this enjoy the angst 

masterlist 

((feel free to send in any request you may have))

--------

Natasha watched closely as you moved things around her office, throwing away things that you deemed useless which was nearly everything in the messy office. she had been in such a rut and you knew it couldn’t be good. you knew Natasha had been close to everyone on that team and she had felt like pieces of her went missing.

“you don’t have to do that,” she stated from her seat, her eyes growing watery. it has been nearly five years since the blip and you knew if Natasha kept up this way, she wouldn’t be useful, like thor and you couldn’t lose nat too.

you dropped the mess of papers in the bin before making your way over to the girl who stared hopelessly at you. you noticed the bags under her eyes and her chapped lips. she was wearing the same sweats from the last time you saw her.

“natty, I need you to be at your best.” Natasha looked like she lost some weight and you wondered when she had her last meal. she shrugged lightly, her lips quivering as she did so. you moved to kneel in front of the avenger placing your hands on her thighs, resting your chin against her knee.

“I miss you nat.” you knew that you saw her nearly every day but you missed the person she used to be, before Thanos and everything. she was always so carefree and happy and now it seemed that the smallest thing could tick her off. your comment made her eyes flow freely as her shaky hands came to rest softly against your cheeks.

you leaned against her warm hands causing her thumbs to brush against your cheekbones. “Just please take a break for me, baby,” you begged her, your own eyes turning watery and when she nodded, you leaned up catching her lips in a soft kiss.

it had been a while and Natasha forgot how much she missed it. you pulled away too fast for her liking but she figured she’d save the kissing for later. you had continuously promised her that you and her would figure it out, in due time and maybe you had been right to tell her to worry less.

------

Natasha had moved through the compound, drying her damp hair with a small towel before she stopped at the kitchen, watching quietly as you moved through the area, setting the plated food on the table and it dawned on her all at once that, yeah, she lost a lot of her loved ones but you were still here and she hadn’t been appreciating that enough. she knew she’d completely lose it without you. you turned to catch her warm gaze and the tiny smile that had formed on her lips.

"come here,” she muttered setting down her towel and opening up her arms. you were quick to move into her embrace, resting your face in the crook of her neck as her arms found your waist, reeling you impossibly closer as you hook your arms around her shoulders, letting a soft breath go when her arms tightened around your waist.

"I miss this." she purred out, her hands rubbing up and down your spine with ease. as much as she didn't want to think about everything going on, she couldn't help it. she nuzzled her face into the nape of your neck, breathing in your sweet scent. it made her feel safe, feeling you so near made her feel whole and all she wanted was to soak up this moment as much as she could because it was perfect. everything about you was perfect.

"me too." you breathed out, your eyes falling closed, taking in the feeling of her hands over your back. this was the Natasha you missed, the one who was always so careful and affectionate with you.

------

when ant-man came along, rumbling about time travel, it gave Natasha a sense of hope. finally, for the first time in five years, she felt like they had a chance to turn all this around and you wanted to believe it for her sake because she seemed so happy, so you went along with the man's theory. you knew Natasha just liked to feel useless, she hated just sitting around and waiting for something to happen.

the night before the mission, Natasha could hardly sleep as she gazed over your soft expressions. she knew that there was always a risk when it came to the things they did but she hoped everything worked out perfectly. she just wanted everything back to normal.

she reached her hand over to gently caress your cheek. your eyebrows knitted together, letting out a soft sigh in your sleep and she couldn't help but grin at you. she thought about the chance that something would happen to you throughout all this, she knew she wouldn't be with you and the fact that she wouldn't be able to protect made her feel uneasy.

she couldn't lie and say she had no fears when it came to what was to come but she knew it would work out exactly how it was meant to and with that sobering thought, she drifted off to sleep.

-----

your hand was tighten entangled with hers after you both had been suited up, you had a moment with just each other. Natasha liked the comfortable silence but she also had so much to say to you, she just didn't know how to say it so she was glad when you spoke up first. "I love you," you whispered out, turning your attention over to the girl who looked down at you with a gentle smile. "I just wanted to say that in case-"

"I love you too," she uttered out quickly, her smile growing when she noticed the way your cheeks burned a bright pink. "everything's gonna be okay, love." she reassured, her fingers caressing gently at your knuckles. "it's only gonna be a minute." she reminded you with a smile and for a second you felt at ease, simply looking up at the woman whom you loved dearly.

"longest minute ever," you whispered gaining a soft laugh from her as she turned her body to embrace you completely. you rested your head against her chest when she pulled you into her. her hand came up to hold your head in place while the other wrapped securely around your waist. she brushed a soft kiss to your hairline, holding you as close as possible.

"Alright girls, let's go."  clint tapped on Natasha's shoulder and she reluctantly let you go, offering you a sweet smile as she took your hand and walked you up the platform. you couldn't hear steve's speech over the sound of your heartbeat, it was louder than ever. you knew he was finished when Natasha squeezed your hand softly to get your attention.  her smile was wide, she seemed so excited and ready to take on whatever would come in her way. "see you in a minute, baby." you smiled back at her when she brought your knuckles up to her lips to press a soft kiss against them. just a minute, you reminded yourself when she let your hand go.

you wish you knew before that would be the last time you'd see Natasha because then you could tell yourself to not let her go, you'd go back in time to kill ant-man before he could even give them the idea but that wasn't the case and you had to live with the repercussions of it all.

-----

your mission with thor and rocket went pretty smoothly, for the most part, you let rocket take the lead and when thor was under control, it worked out perfect. you got the stone and headed back in no time and you were happy for thor who got the closure he needed. he seemed unstoppable at that moment.

Natasha's mission was mind-boggling, she and clint sat around for moments, trying to figure out a way for the both of them to come out of this alive but there wasn't any way around this, Natasha knew what she had to do. her mind was made up as she thought of you, your smile, your voice, everything.

she knew clint had a family and there was no way she'd leave them without their dad but the thought of leaving you pained her. she knew how broken up you'd be because she promised she'd come back for you and now she wouldn't be. she hoped you could understand it one day. with shaky hands, Natasha pulled out a necklace that she swore around her neck, smiling down at the ring that she was determined to give to you one day. you'd always asked her about the random ring that hung from her neck and she'd always tell you that she just found it one day. she didn't want to tell you that it was for you, it'd ruin the surprise.

she always saw herself growing old with you and now that didn't seem possible. she wrapped her hand around the ring completely bringing it up to her lips to press a gentle kiss to it as if it was you at that moment, she wished it was. "whatever it takes." she spoke softly as she shot up from the rock she sat on. clint turned to her with tearful eyes whispering something, she couldn't listen to him right now.

"listen, clint-" she cut him off, reaching for his hand and dropping the necklace into his hand before balling it up for him. "tell her I love her okay?" tears fell past her eyes but the wind was knocked out of her when clint flipped her on her back, they fought for a moment but ultimately, she won as she dove off the cliff, stopping Clint from his demise.

there was a second of regret when clint cried out for her to hold on but then she imagined all the stress she felt for the past 5 years and she knew if she hadn't done this, her life would be full of regret. "it's okay." she smiled up at the man, tears in her own eyes. "it'll be okay." he cried even harder but before she could regret it more, she kicked herself off using the cliff and fell.

when clint opened his eyes again, he was surrounded by water, his tears clouded his vision as he opened his hand along with the soul stone,  was the necklace. he wasn't thrilled about having to see you.

----- everyone cheered when they were returned to the platform, the smiles on their lips had you grinning before your eyes locked with clint's tired, tearful ones and then you noticed the empty space beside him.

"Clint." you tried but your voice shook so much when he met your eyes. "where's natty?" he didn't have to say anything for you to know that she wouldn't be coming back. your eyes filled with tears as he began apologizing to you. everyone else was too quiet and it made your cries echoed in the room.

"no... no... she was supposed to come back! where is she, clint? what did you do?" you slammed your hands against his chest when he made his way over to you. you hated him so much right now. deep down, you knew it wasn't his fault but you'd blame just about anyone right now.

"where is she?" you cried harder when he forced you into a hug, trying your hardest to break free of his hold but he was strong and after a moment, you stopped fighting.  you couldn't stop your cries as the thought of never seeing the love of your life again replayed in your head. none of this made any sense, she was just here and now she was gone forever. "I'm so sorry." he cried out with you, rubbing softly at your back. when you weren’t strong enough to stand anymore, clint tugged you down on the floor with him, hugging you tightly into his embrace but nothing could ever be better than Natasha's.

she was the only one you wanted to see when you came back, she was the only one that didn't come back.  your cries shook you as you tried to rack your head around it all. why couldn't she just come back? there wasn’t anything anyone could say to ever make you feel better. you just wanted to see her again and if you couldn't get that, you'd never be happy. everything was suddenly ripped away from you, you needed her.

------

you felt solemn as you sat in the church, your eyes drifted over to the empty coffin then it was the big picture that was placed beside it. there she was in all her glory, you'd do anything to have her back. tears flowed freely from your eyes as you snapped your gaze back to your hands. the funeral ended an hour ago but you didn't have the energy to move.

you couldn't do anything, what was life without Natasha? you were so wrapped up in your thought that you hardly noticed the body that sat beside you until his hand hovered over yours for a moment. "she wanted me to give you this." he spoke softly and when his hand left, the necklace laid in your hands. you stared blankly down at the familiar ring that hung from it, feeling the fresh tears stream from your eyes. "you know, she loved you." he whispered, his lips quivering as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

"I'd never seen her so in love before you, she was crazy about you." you let out a small laugh through your cries as you glanced up from the ring over to clint. he offered a sad smile, his free hand coming up to brush away your tears. "she'd always talk about marrying you." he whispered, nudging his head in the direction of your hands almost to explain the gift he handed you.

"I wish she was here to tell me that," you whispered, letting your head fall against his shoulder. you would've married Natasha in a heartbeat had you gotten the chance. "I know..." he spoke softly, his eyes trained on the picture of her in the front of the church. "she's a hero," he uttered, trying his best to comfort you.  "she brought my family back... I just wish there was something I could do to repay her." you nodded, your eyes moving back to the perfect diamond ring, you could almost feel her on it.

you knew Natasha died a hero, she died doing what she was meant to do. it was hard to imagine your life without her but you knew in some way, she'd always be here.

[cazzyvintage]

Could I request Laszlo reacting to his wife dying in child birth? Sorry if that's too dark, I enjoy your writing and was in such an angsty mood :)

Warnings: Death, Sad Laszlo

A/N: As I got to the main part (you'll know what part) terrible things by mayday parade started to play and like the timing was so perfect because it fits so well and now I am sobbing.

Extra A/N: Okay literally out of every song on my sad playlist it's choosing all the ones about or that can be associated with death, this is unfair. First 'Terrible things', then 'if I die young' and now 'all I want'. Wtf.

- You and Laszlo were so excited to start your family. You still remember the moment first moment you told Laszlo you were pregnant. You don't think he had ever kissed you as passionately as he did at that moment. He was crying tears of joy as he managed to rest both his hands on the slight bump.

- He became so protective of you, being extremely cautious about everything you did so that you were okay. His arm would be constantly wrapped around you, helping you to new places as it got harder for you to move around.

- Every night he would whisper to you how excited he was your child to be born. He would tell you all the things he planned to do with the child, places he would show them, books he would read, all that he would teach him. In his life he had always been searching for some purpose, it's why he started the institute but he had never felt more like he had found his purpose when you told him you were pregnant. Everything just felt right.

- He'd shower you in kisses every day, telling you how wonderful you were, how beautiful you were. How he loved and adored every little thing about you. John often remarked that he never thought he would see Laszlo expressing his feelings so much until you came along.

- Unfortunately, Laszlo was not at home when your contractions started. You and Sara were having a tea party in the garden when you felt your water break. She managed to guide you into the living room to lay down on the bed, where she managed to call John who rushed to go and fetch Laszlo from his work

- You were screaming in pain as you clutched Sara's hand tightly, it was one of the worst feelings you felt. You wanted it to all be over but the shock waves of pain kept crashing into you and you were beginning to feel so weak. There was a ringing in your head as your eyes became blurry from the pain as you tried to breathe in and out. From the side of your eyes, you could see Sara become paler as he gathered lots of sheets to try and stop the blood from staining the sofa. She didn't know much about giving birth but she didn't believe there should be as much blood as to what was currently coming out of you

- Laszlo had never sprinted so fast to his carriage. After John ran into the room he was in with Theodore what was happening he had charged into it and told Cyrus to get him back to the house as quickly as possible. Already a lot of time had been lost with how long it had taken for John to be informed and then to find out where Laszlo was and rushed to get him.

- As he arrived pain stuck his heart as he heard your shouts of pure pain even from outside the house. He quickly barged into the house, frantically looking for where you were. Usually, men waited outside the room for the baby to be born but he couldn't bear being away from this moment, plus it was unlikely they would be able to get you to a hospital in time and he was the only one even slightly qualified to deal with this.

- He was at your side the whole time, letting you clutch his hand tightly as you squeezed. He kissed your forehead lots of times reassuring you that you were doing great and that it would all be over soon as he anxiously watched where you were pushing. There was so much blood, more than there should be and he didn't need to know from Sara whispering to him 'something is wrong' but everything would be okay. They had to be. They will be.

- After hours the baby emerged. John helped Laszlo pull the child, which was a girl out, and positioned her in his arm. Laszlo's eye sparkled with joy as he looks down at his daughter. 'Look y/n' he mumbles, bringing your daughter over to your side but as he looked back up at you, panic gripped him. You were barely conscious and the ghost of a smile was on your lips as your half-closed eyes looked over at Laszlo holding your child in his arms.

- You shakingly lifted your hand slightly, whispering to Laszlo to hold your hand. He passed your daughter to Sara as he clasped your hand. He started begging you to stay awake, to keep pushing through and that you would be okay as he covered your hand in kisses and clasped it tightly to his chest. His eyes swarmed with tears as you shook your head slightly. 'I love you Laszlo' you whisper before your eyes finally close and your hand goes slack in his.

- He screamed, cried, let out all sorts of noises as he clasped your body, pulling it over to cradle in his arms. Sara and John quickly left the room taking your daughter with them so that Laszlo could have this moment of peace. Tears flowed out of his eyes and fell onto your ever-growing cold skin. He kissed your forehead, closing his eyes as he whispered at you to come back, that he couldn't do this without you, but you never did.

- For the next month Laszlo was an echo of himself. He hardly talked to anyone or interacted with any of the kids at the institute. It was as if a part of himself switched off the day you died. What was supposed to be the happiest day of his life became his worst. Sara stayed around the first few nights looking after your daughter as Laszlo grieved but after a while, she had to go. Laszlo wanted nothing more than to be with his daughter but every time he looked at her he felt the pain of losing you come straight back.

- He blamed himself entirely for your death. He was the doctor he should be done more to ensure your safety, he should have never left you alone that day. It was stupid of him to ever consider working when you were due, if he had been there he could have taken you to a proper hospital. John tried to tell him that it was just a cruel twist of fate and there was nothing else Laszlo could have done but Laszlo refused to listen. He was to blame, that was sure.

- Laszlo hired a nanny to help look after your daughter. He knew in the state he was he couldn't look after her, he needed help. He assumed after a few months he would be able to take on more of a parental role for her but the pain never faded. Especially as the more your daughter grew the more he realised she was a spitting image of you.

- It was like she became another child of the institute. He would watch her play with the other children but he was almost a stranger to her. After missing out on those early years of bonding he just didn't know how to anymore. He desperately wanted to, he would push all the pain he felt inside to try and to talk to her, ask how her day is, even try to take her out to the fair which he thought she might enjoy. But his mind always wandered back to imaging doing all these things with his daughter with you. In the awkward silence between him and his daughter was the reminder that you were no longer there.

- In the end, he had to settle to knowing he would never be as close to his daughter as he truly wanted to, he had to watch her be happy from the side as he slowly caved inwards from his grief.

A/N: I'm so sorry

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[itskatastrophe-x]

Far Off Places (CH 1)

Overview , Chapter 1 , Chapter 2

Word Count : 2,487

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Pain. That was the only thing you knew. The only thing you felt. Not just physically, but emotionally. Your kingdom had been doing so well. You had everything. It was all right there in the palm of your hands for years. All of that had been undone in a matter of minutes as lava poured from the sky and bombs went off under the surface. After fighting for so long, your advisors told you to run. Start fresh in a new place. Find new friends and live a normal life. What even was normal? You had lived in the spotlight for so long, ruling over the same people, the same faces, the same memories. This kingdom was all you knew, and now it was being burned to the ground. 

You kept running, tripping over your own feet and branches as you went, your breath catching in your throat every few seconds, making you feel like you were drowning on land. The smoke from the fires wafted through the trees, burning your lungs and stinging your eyes. Your cheeks were red and puffy from crying for the past couple hours, the bitter wind chilling them. You only stopped once going up a large hill about half a mile outside the city walls, and then again once you reached the top. You collapsed roughly to your knees at the base of a tree, hunching over and putting a hand against said tree to keep your balance. You spluttered and coughed violently from all the smoke you inhaled and doubled over in pain, scrunching your nose and closing your eyes tight. The distant sounds of fire crackling and wooden supports crashing to the ground echoed around you through the valley. You recomposed yourself and slowly brought yourself to stand, still leaning against the tree so you wouldn’t immediately fall over from the burning sensation in your legs. 

You stood there with your back facing the mess for what felt like hours, but was probably only a couple minutes. Part of you wanted to turn around. The other part wanted to keep running. So you stood there. The sounds making you sob harder, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. Not yet. This was your home. How were you supposed to just let this happen? How did this even happen in the first place. You couldn’t remember making any enemies, so who could have done it? A neighboring country? You highly doubted that. You were hundreds of miles away from anyone else, your kingdom was basically hidden away in a valley between mountains, making it extremely hard to get to. 

Time kept passing and the roar of thunder washed over you slowly, lightning flashing in the far off distance over the mountains. The setting sun finally dipped below the horizon and the fires blazing harshly behind you cast the scenery in a dim red glow. To say the scene before you was beautiful was a sin, and yet you enjoyed looking at all the colors laid out in front of you. You just wished that it wasn’t caused by your home being torn apart. You grieved all the lost, innocent lives that were taken. All the time and memories, now all ash and dust to be forgotten. For all you knew, you were the only one that survived the massacre, though you hoped that wasn’t the case. 

You finally brought yourself to a solid standing position and pushed off the tree, steeling yourself as you turned to face your city in paradise. The sight was horrific, and somehow the smell had gotten worse upon turning to face the blaze. Lava flowed from the city walls and scorched the surrounding bushes and trees, the buildings were undistinguishable, and the castle way off in the distance was missing chunks as it continued to burn. Rustling around you alerted you to animals evacuating their homes as well. You were glad they could at least make it out. The smoke rose into the sky and danced with the clouds, a beautifully terrifying kaleidoscope of red, orange, and grey. The wind was getting harder, sending spirals off the sides to dissipate in seconds. Thunder cracked again and finally the sky started to cry alongside you and your own tears. It started as a drizzle as you turned on your heels and lowered your head to check your bag. Two golden apples, a loaf of bread, a couple fish, a notebook with a quill and ink, and a torch at the bottom. You pulled the hood of your cape up over your head and tore off a piece of the loaf and started to nibble on it as you moved yourself forward into the night, leaving the ruins of your homeland behind you to fall to the ground and be lost to time. Where would you go? You had no other family, knew no other rulers, and didn’t know what laid beyond the mountains. 

Your trek through the thick foliage was slow and grueling. The wind had picked up, sending violent ice-spike-like raindrops to attack your face and arms, soaking through your torn and dirtied clothes. You were thankful it was the middle of summer and overall a warm night, but the wind mixed with the rain had chilled you to the bone, sending shivers to wrack your whole body every couple of minutes. You had a large diamond axe on your hip as well as a bow and a few arrows slung across your back. The only things that remained of your homeland. The light glow from the axe and bow from the enchantments being the only light in the dark jungle. 

You had been running for miles before you decided it was time to sit and rest and possibly try to get some sleep somewhere. Luckily you had the knowledge on how to survive in the wilderness despite being locked behind walls all your life, so you stopped to scout out a safe area to set up a small base. In the dark you made your way to a smaller tree and started chopping, tightening your grip on your axe so the rain wouldn’t make you lose your grip. It took roughly two hours to collect all the necessary materials to build a small tent-looking structure, but it was good enough to sleep on and safe enough from the hostile creatures that lurked. You fought off a couple zombies on your endeavor, but nothing too serious. You took off your torn up cape and laid it on the ground to sleep on and set your axe and bow next to where your head should rest, bringing your book, quill, ink, and torch out and setting up to write.

Journal Entry : New World 1

Today, my empire was lost. I don’t know where to go or what I’m even looking for, but I hope to find someone or something to help me along my way. It’s been raining for hours and the sun should be up soon, but I still haven’t slept, as I have been running all night. I’ve set up a small structure to keep me safe for the time being. I don’t know where I am and the surroundings all look the same to me. I don’t understand what went wrong. Hopefully someday I can go back and investigate when I feel like I’m safe from whatever or whoever set my kingdom ablaze. For now I should rest, but I doubt that will happen with all the thoughts and questions running through my head.

You set the supplies back into your bag and break off another piece of your bread. Soon enough you’ll have to go hunting for more food. You’d rather save the apples for when you truly need them and you still had two fish, but you had half the bread you started with and you had no idea where you were or how close the next village or kingdom was. You sighed and bit into the bread, cringing as it was slightly hardened from being in your open bag for so long. You prayed the fish would last until you needed it as you laid down and put out the torch. You listened to the rain coming to a light drizzle again and chuckled at the timing. Of course it would stop raining only when you were in a shelter to protect you from it. You closed your eyes and drifted into a, thankfully, dreamless sleep. It only lasted about four hours, but it was enough to get you through the day.

The sun glared down on your small shelter, heating you up and making you extremely uncomfortable. The sky had cleared up and it seemed to have just gotten past sunrise, as the sun was just coming over the tops of the mountains. You groaned as you sat up, the pain from running all night finally catching up to you as sweat dripped from your brow. You cursed the summer heat and wished that it was raining again, so that you might get a break from the sun. How did it manage to break through all of the surrounding trees and hit your little home so perfectly? It didn’t make any sense. Within a few minutes, you knew, it would be off the shack and onto the tree behind it, but for now the heat was unbearable. You packed up all your things, rung out your cape and shook it off, and exited the structure, ready to set off again. You looked around to try to get a sense of where you should go, and eyed up a path clearly made by travelling animals. You adjusted the bow and arrows on your back and went to the nearest tree to cut off a good sized branch to use as a walking stick to ease the pain in your legs. 

Hours pass by, and then days. You feel like you’re walking in circles at this point, but the only thing keeping you on your path is the rise and fall of the sun. The jungle had changed into a spruce forest and the weather had cooled down immensely. You had heard of this happening in different regions but had never experienced it for yourself, so the new terrain and chilly air came as a shock. Off in the distance you could see snow capped mountains and lights reflecting off of the white landscape in the dawn. You grabbed some pork from your bag and chomped down on it, stopping to get a good look at your surroundings and supplies. Two and a half days of walking, battles with mobs, hunting pigs for food, and sleeping on the dirt. All of that had finally lead to what looked like a small civilization in the distance. You sighed into your food, taking another bite as you peered into your bag at your book and quill. You decided to get both out and sat down against a tree, pork in your mouth as you set everything down.

Journal Entry : New World 2

Almost three whole days of walking. My kingdom is long behind me. Snow in the distance. The air has gone cold and dry as I get closer to this new, unfamiliar place. I’m worried that I won’t be welcome in this new place, but there’s nothing left to lose so I’ll keep pushing on. I don’t have much to offer aside from my skills and a couple golden apples. I just hope I won’t be attacked or turned away on sight. Maybe there’s no one there, but I doubt that. 

You set the book and quill back in your bag, slinging it back over your shoulder and pushing yourself up, mentally preparing for this last leg of your journey. You had no idea what awaited you, and part of you didn’t want to know, but you knew that talking to locals might be your best option at finding somewhere to stay or maybe a direction you could go to start over. All you knew is that your legs now moved faster in nervous anticipation, the thought of a fireplace and a nice warm bed carrying you faster and faster, almost tripping down the hill in front of you numerous times. 

Soon enough the woods gave way to the snowy expanse and you pulled your destroyed cape as close to you as you shivered. You got out your torch and lit it, keeping it close enough to you to keep you warm, but not close enough to burn or set anything on fire. You set off across the snow, cursing your torn up shoes that were very clearly not made for this kind of weather. You had lived, surrounded by jungles and hot, humid, sticky weather all your life. To say this was a shock was an understatement. Your clothes were not made for cold, and your body was not conditioned for it either. You cursed, wishing you had hunted down some wolves for fur before coming this far. You trip and fall in the foot of snow covering the ground, and you can see clouds in the distance with wisps falling from the undersides. It would snow again, and soon. 

You picked yourself back up and trudged farther and faster, the houses in view now. There was smoke coming from the chimneys and the lights were on. You made out a house poking out of the side of the mountain farther past them, black cats running around in the snow, kicking up snow in the process as they tackled each other. In a matter of minutes, you made it across the large field, your breath coming out in puffs, visible in the sunrise as it peeked over the trees. There were two houses side by side, a shack full of dogs next to the one closest to you, and farther to your right was a pen full of cows. The dogs went up in an uproar as you neared the houses. You mentally cursed yourself for getting so close, seeing as they had obviously alerted the people inside the buildings. The cats now standing nearby, watching you closely as you made your way slowly. 

The curtains in one of the houses shuffled and then a door was heard opening, a loud sound emitting from the hinges as it was thrown open and a man with wings came out in a hurry, blankets spilling over his arms. And that’s the moment exhaustion finally took over, black dots forming at the edges of your eyes before you finally fell into the lush snow, your torch falling from your hand, extinguishing upon impact. The man gasped and rushed himself faster to pick you up and wrap you in blankets before promptly lifting you and taking you into the house, setting you on the loveseat and alerting the other man in the house to help. 

[winchesterxxi]

Maybe Poe and Skywalker reader being married to each other. Their life together, struggles and everything in between

(force awakens to rise of Skywalker)

WARNINGS: Non-canon content for the sake of the request; Focuses more on the Reader x Poe relationship, so many plot points are left untouched (as in, Reader doesn’t know Kylo is her brother)

THE FORCE AWAKENS

You were stationed in Jakku with your dad and Chewie when a girl and a guy board onto the ship;

“Who the hell are you?” you ask, you and your dad with blasters pointed out to them.

They throw they’re hands up and from behind them rolls out BB8 and you immediately drop to your knees.

“BB! Oh my God, where is Poe? We lost his TIE signal two hours ago, we’ve been worried sick!”

“You know Poe Dameron?” Finn asks you, lowering his hands.

“I’m Y/N Skywalker, his wife.” you eye him, only now noticing he is wearing your husband’s jacket “W-Where is my husband?”

That’s when he gives you the news of the crash and you latch onto your dad, crying.

Days later, on Takodana you are under an attack by the First Order and just as you thought there was no hope left, a fleet of X-Wings come in and save you.

After the fleet landed, you went to meet you mom, knowing that she was the Commander behind this offence against the First Order.

“It’s not me you have to thank honey.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your husband’s the one behind it this time.”

“My...?”

She just nods your head and cups your cheek, stroking your teary eyes, knowing how you’ve been grieving, thinking that Poe had died

“Go find your husband.”

You run past her and your dad to the the landing site trying to spot Poe in the crowd, heart beating hard in your chest

“POE?” “POE!?” you scream is name, trying to find him.

Then

“Y/N?” you stop in your tracks and turn around, spotting your husband.

Your run to him faster than you’ve ever ran until you crash into him in a tight hug, crying.

“I thought you - I thought you had -” you sniff between the tears.

He cups the sides of your face “I know, but I’m here, honey. I’m sorry to worry you. You’d never get rid of me so easily!” He smiles into the crashing kiss.

He helps you blast the FO’s base's thermal oscillator after you witness Kylo killing your father, tears stinging your eyes as you charge ahead.

Afterwards, him being your shoulder to cry on as you mourn your loss.

THE LAST JEDI

Flying alongside him on the dreadnought attack;

“Y/N, FIRE NOW!”

You do as you’re instructed, your shot igniting the explosives that had been set inside the dreadnought making it light up like the 4th of July

“THAT’S MY GIRL!” he shouts over the intercom

When back at the ship, reunited with your mother, you’re the one that spots the Star Destroyer in the radar grabbing Finn’s forearm, alerting him to the map.

“We need to jump to lightspeed!” he states running to your mom, awaiting clearance to do so, hot-headed as always.

“Poe, we can’t do that! We only have enough resources for one jump and if we do so, they’ll just track us again and be without fuel.”

You eye your mother, looking for some help.

“Permission to jump on an X-Wing and blow something up?” he addresses your mom.

“Poe w-” you start

“Permission granted!” your mom agrees as Poe darts running

“MOM!” 

“Go get on one as well.” she comes forward and kisses your forehead “You’re a team now.”

Just as you and Poe are about to reach the X-Wings, him slightly ahead of you the FO manages to blast the platform, sending him flying against you as you both crash to the ground.

He his also next to you when you spot your mother floating in space after the attack and he grips your hand tightly.

You insist on pushing her to the medical wing but he stops you before you can do it

“Poe, I need to be with my mom please.” you grip his arms, sobbing.

He kisses your forehead

“I’ll go with her, you stay here please.” you nod, teary eyed at him “Finn, take care of her for me while I’m gone”

*FASTFORWARD TO HOLDO’S EVACUATION PLAN*

You believe her plan won’t work either so you lead the mutiny alongside your husband

That is until he is stunned against the wall.

You throw yourself on your knees beside him, cradling his head.

Turning back you spot your mom, alive, holding the blaster

“MOM? WHAT THE HELL?”

“I know you love your husband but for once, just drag his ass out.”

You are holding his hand when he springs back to life.

“What - What happened?” he is shaken

“Poe I-”

He pushes past you running to the nearest window

“NO!” he slams on the glass and you come up behind him hand on his shoulder

“Honey,...” he shrugs his shoulder off, facing you, hurt tainting his face.

“Don’t... Call me that.”

“Poe...”

“No! I thought we were in this together!”

“This plan is gonna work, you have to trust me!”

“How can you ask me that after what you just did.”

First serious married fight... yay.

You look at him, biting your lip, tears in your eyes before walking away.

“Poe.” he turns around and finds your mom, calling him and that’s when she shows him Crait and explains him the full and he realizes he was just an asshole to the person he loved the most.

“Oh my god, I’m such an idiot.”

“Yes you are. Now go apologize to my daughter.”

“Yes ma’am.”

*Cue romantic, cute and awkward apology scene*

When the time comes to face the First Order he boards on a speeder and you on your father’s Falcon alongside Chewie

And of course you then help him lead your people out of the cave

THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

So...you’re kind of the captain of the Falcon

Despite Poe being an undeniably better pilot than you, he insisted that you were the rightful captain of the ship now that your dad was gone.

And he loved to call you captain

It made you smile every single time

Fastforward to Kijimi when Poe has a blaster pointed to his head

You are quick to point your own to the armored woman behind him

“Blaster off him, now.”

“She won’t ask twice, I would listen to her”

“Who are you?” you ask, blaster still up as she hadn’t let hers down

“Honey, this is Zorii. Zorii, this is my wife, Y/N”

Her helmet turns to you “Wife? There are actually people out there who go along with what you say.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised.” he retorts and you snap a look at him

“I could pull this trigger right now.” She says, pushing the blaster harder against Poe’s head.

“You do that, my blaster is the last thing you’ll see in this life.”

“We’re trying to find Babu Frik.” Poe tries to ease the situation

“He only works with the crew. That’s not you anymore.”

“What does she mean crew?” you ask him

“Oh your wife doesn’t know?”

you look between her and him confused

“Funny he never mentioned it...”

“Married people are still allowed secrets Zorii - “ he tries

“Your husband was a spice runner.”

Your eyes almost pop out of your eye sockets

“You were a spice runner? In almost 5 years of marriage NOT ONCE did it occur to you to mention that!?”

Once again, next to him when one of the stormtroopers blasts him in the arm inside the Star Destroyer

“POE!”

Standing in line next him, Chewie and Finn

“Were you ever going to tell me you were a spice runner?”

“You’re still on that?”

“OH I’M SORRY, IS THIS A BAD TIME?”

“IT KIND OF IS, YEAH!”

“Well, because later doesn’t really seem like an option right now -”

“You don’t say -”

“And if my husband has some other important life information before meeting me that I should be aware of, I would like to know becasue for all i know, you could’ve even been a stormtr--”

BAM

Troopers dead, you all alive

Hux admits to being the spy

“I KNEW IT” he points out

“No, you didn’t.”

 While on one of the Endor’s moon your mom uses her last breath to reach out to you trough the Force

You are a few feet behind Poe on the grass and fall to your knees with a thud

He looks over at you, face dropping as he runs in your direction

Your face is white and your look is blank and he is trying to shake your shoulders to gain some attention from you

“My mom...” You look up at him and he immediately understands, gulping hardly. He doesn’t say a word, simply pulling you into a crushing hug as you scream into the ground, tears running down.

Later, back at the resistance base, after you’ve said your goodbyes to your mom, Poe is the one sitting next to her linen-covered body

“I... I promise I’ll take care of her. Not just now, or in the near future, just... forever. I’ll stay by her side, always, Leia. Your daughter... Your daughter is the love of my life.”

After you defeat the First Order, during the celebrations Poe pulls you aside to a quiet place and tells you that he wants to settle down.

You agree with him, teary eyed, kiss kiss, you know the drill

BB8 beeps at your feet

POST TROS BONUS

The both of you settled on Yavin 4, his home planet

You are blessed with kids, first a baby boy and then a baby girl, 2 years apart

Who you name Kes and Leia, after Poe’s dad and Leia’s mom, who devoted their lives to the resistance and in one way or another were behind the reason your life path’s ever crossed

Poe cried like a baby when you told him you wanted your first born to be named Kes

Occasional visits form uncle Finn and uncle Chewie

When it’s just Finn, him and Poe tend to go out and do “guy stuff”

While you sit back at home with the kids and BB8 who loves to entertain them 

And it isn’t rare for sometimes you being sitting on a bench, watching the three of them play in the distance, head on Poe’s shoulder, his arms draped around your waist

And you look to the side to be met with the Force ghosts of your family members looking down at you

[parkers-gal]

he remembers T.H.

okay major trigger warning // suicide, death, abortion if you interpret a bit

wc: 1.3k (angst)

If you're reading this, it's probably too late. 

It had been three days. Only three days, but they felt like centuries to Tom. He was sitting in her desk chair, reading the letter inked in her perfect handwriting. His eyes had deep, dark bags under them. His hair was greasy and untamed, and his body odor reeked strongly. He hadn't thoroughly cried yet; he was still in shock, to be honest. He thought things were going great, but obviously, he was wrong. 

I just feel so goddamn empty. 

His brows were furrowed; in anger, in sadness, in confusion. For the first time in a long time, he didn't have the answer. He hadn't expected to find an answer, but walking into the home office for the first time that week, he saw his name on the letter, and rushed to open it. 

I'm sorry. 

Tom paused to take a breath. He placed the letter on the desk and took a deep inhale, trying to compose himself even though no one was watching. He had several panic attacks throughout the week, and he was hoping he wouldn't have to deal with one right now. 

I was so unloved. Though, 

Above all else, Tom was lost. He hadn't expected things to turn out the way they had; he imagined getting married and starting a family and growing old, though life had its own set of plans too. 

that's partially my fault, for being so unlovable. 

He wanted to scream and shout and cry all at once. He wanted to scream in frustration, for her, for himself. For everything. He wanted to shout the one question he'd been asking himself all week: 'why?'. 

Crying seemed so hard right now. Crying for the girl he was in love with seemed impossible, because the situation he was in, was impossible. Tom was so frustrated at himself for letting things get this far, and for not realizing sooner how not okay things were. Why can't you fucking cry? he asked himself.  He thought he was broken for not letting the tears drop down his face, but he just didn't know why they weren't falling.  

Nothing could've fixed me. 

A memory flashed through his mind. One of him and her on a picnic in a meadow not too far from the house. 

---

They had finished lunch around thirty minutes ago, and now they were laying down on the blanket, side by side, staring at the clouds as if it were a scene from UP. She had just confessed something that had taken Tom's breath away, disbelief at such a dark, horrible thought; she was wrong. 

Tom had talked to her for ten minutes, about how she was perfect and that she was loved, and that even if she was broken, people could still love damaged goods. Tom had kissed her gently, and got her to giggle for the first time in at least twenty minutes. 

---

Tom remembers that day vividly; she was wearing a yellow sundress and her favorite pair of Birkenstocks. Her makeup was natural, almost nonexistent, and her freshly cut hair was flowing freely in the wind. A picture from that day sat on Tom's nightstand.

I never deserved the wedding that comes with this ring. 

Tom glanced into the envelope. Sitting there was the engagement ring he had given her four months back during a bath together. It was unplanned and the opposite of cliche, but she had told him it was a perfect moment, a perfect memory. 

He remembered everything from that day, too. The way her face went through too many emotions the minute he had popped the question. He remembers hugging her and eating sour patch kids in the tub, and he remembers the way her eyes sparkled. 

I'm so weak, so pathetic. 

Now, Tom was the one who felt weak and pathetic. He wanted to know when it went downhill for her, when things started to crash and burn. He thought he was the actor, but she was even better at pretending to be happy. He thought a lot of things, but he was wrong. 

He believed that things would get better, and they'd get their perfect happy ending. The ending they deserved, but he got the opposite. Instead, he got the epitome of melancholy and depression. He got to find his fiance, dying in the very same bathtub he had proposed to her in. Tom had to be the one to make the call for an ambulance, and he was the one to find the empty pill bottle sitting in the bathroom sink. Tom got a lot of things, but a happy ending wasn't one of them. 

So pathetic that I can't even stay alive, even when I'm carrying our child. 

At this, Tom dropped the letter onto the desk, his mouth ajar and his eyes wide and red with tears. A hand flew to his mouth to try and suppress the sobs, but nothing would be able to quiet these. The first of many choked sobs that had been held in the back of his throat were coming out now. The tears were free falling fast, and Tom felt dizzy. His sobs turned into frustrated whales and cries, ones that had Harrison and his mother running upstairs. 

They were staying with Tom until things got a little easier, but Tom had never experienced grief before, so the process was harder than they thought it would be, especially since it had seemed like Tom wasn't even grieving. 

"Tom-!" Nikki had exclaimed, rushing through the door with Harrison on her tail. "What's-"

But she didn't finish her sentence, because Harrison was pointing to the slip of paper on the desk. Walking over, she kneeled down and rubbed his back, whispering comforting words to Tom before he enveloped her into a tight hug and cried the hardest he's cried in his entire life. 

Harrison had picked up the paper, reading it through before quietly gasping and putting it back down, covering his mouth as tears filled his eyes too. He tried to keep them in, but his orbs had betrayed him. 

Twenty minutes had passed, and both boys had calmed down to some degree. Nikki had read the letter, before excusing herself and leaving Tom alone, as he had asked. Harrison had given Tom a tight hug before making his way down the stairs and into the kitchen to make lunch with Nikki. 

He picked up the letter again, finding where he left off before finishing the letter. 

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I love you too fucking much, and I don't deserve to be in love. 

He wanted to yell again; yell that she was wrong and that she deserved everything good in the world, but Tom was too late. Tom cursed at himself. Repetitively, for the next two minutes. Tears were welling up in his eyes, but they hadn't fallen again, yet. 

l'm sorry you couldn't save me. 

He didn't deserve this, and she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve the demons she had. Tom thought back to a memory of them in the kitchen, talking about her and her suicidal thoughts. 

We talked about this, he thought. So many times.

And it was true, they had talked about it. Every two to three months, Tom told her how she could deal with those thoughts, and he made sure she knew he was there for her. They had talked about what to do with the thoughts, but never about what to do with the actions.

He saw her neat signature at the bottom, and he swore his heart broke again. Tom had lost his future wife, and his child. A child he never got to appreciate while it was alive. The demons Y/N had once had, were left behind and lingering on and in Tom. They were beating him up, bruising and breaking what was already shattered. 

How much can a broken thing break? he thought. 

It was only a matter of time, before he found that answer too.