#eddie would probably be able to actually move on and not place shannon and their relationship on such a pedestal

[halfshelley]

every day I think about how shannon diaz deserved better

[semperama]

While we're doing Shannon meta, I've been trying to make a post about this for a while but was worried it's too controversial but, screw it: I think the main reason Eddie romanticizes his relationship with Shannon so much is because deep down he feels guilty, and very rightly so, about how he treated her, and so he builds their marriage up to something that it really wasn't in his mind in order to avoid the fact that he hugely fucked it all up. Sorry to Eddie, and it's not totally his fault, because he was a scared kid who was given way too much responsibility way too soon and had no support and awful parents who planted awful ideas of what a man should be into his head, but he dealt with all of that in a way that basically totally ruined Shannon's life. He abandoned her with their child, left her vulnerable to his critical parents and no family of her own to lean on, he never showed her any compassion or support for her fears that she failed Christopher somehow, he never treated her like a partner, he was emotionally cold and distant at best and bordering on cruel to her at worst. She left, but in some ways it's his fault that she had to, because he put her in an otherwise impossible situation. He proved time and time again that he was never going to listen to her or give her desires and needs fair consideration, so what choice did she even have?

Again, I think we all understand why Eddie acted like this. He was literally raised by a father who taught him that a man's place is to provide monetarily for his family while the woman raises the kids, and this is what partnership is. And I think now Eddie knows that's not how a marriage should work, and he probably would do things differently if he had the chance, but the fact remains that what he and Shannon had was not good or healthy for either of them. But if that's the case, then her life was miserable for no reason, without even a loving relationship to justify it, and Eddie just can't deal with that. It's not so much that he puts Shannon on a pedestal as it is he's imagining what it would be like if they actually had the kind of partnership they both deserved, and then substituting that imagination for reality. But we know that he doesn't really believe it, because even when he's half-heartedly trying to get back together with her, the best metaphor he can manage for their love is that it's like falling into molten chocolate that's a little sweet maybe, but mostly it drags you down and nearly drowns you.

And as @livesbetweenpages says in the tags here, all of this is part of the reason the writers had to have Shannon leave, and specifically to leave Christopher and not contact him for so long. Because there's no way we'd be able to sympathize with Eddie if we didn't have some reason to put some blame on Shannon too. She should never have punished Chris for Eddie's mistakes, but of course people are messy and imperfect, and where we end up is with a situation where you can blame both of them but also see where both are coming from. Still, the discrepancy between how their relationship is shown to us (a constant slog of misery and fighting) and how Eddie reframes it in his own mind (being with her was effortless) is always so fascinating and tragic to me. And I think it's important characterization for Eddie, because these are THE fatal flaws for his character, that 1. he resists help, guidance, and partnership over things he feels he should have under control, to the point that it hurts both himself and those close to him (see also: shutting everyone, particularly Buck, out of his decision to move to Texas), 2. when he can't deal with a hard truth, he just pretends it's not the truth at all (see also: Ana).

[thetrialsandtribulationsofeb]

it’s kind of interesting how buck is always the one who wants people to move in with him (waiting for abby at her house, trapping taylor, asking tommy to move in), and eddie is always the one who wants people to move out (not letting shannon in after they reconnect, telling ana she should go home, asking marisol to move out)

but with buddie, buck was the one who moved in, and eddie was the one who moved out

like, instead of trapping someone else, this time buck trapped himself in eddie’s house

and instead of kicking someone else out, eddie moved himself out

they kind of placed themselves in the positions of their previous love interests (buck = taylor, tommy; eddie = ana, marisol)

and buck didn’t actually want to move in - because it was for the wrong reasons:

taylor = buck trying to hold on to her after his cheating

tommy = knowing buck is in love with eddie and not him and they’re just using each other

buck = moving into eddie’s house officially means eddie and chris won’t come back

and eddie didn’t actually want to move out, just like ana and marisol didn’t either

he only moved out because he needed to be there for chris, but it’s obvious they belong in LA, not in el paso

and now buck is moving out (something eddie would usually want from his love interest), but eddie doesn’t want him to - he wants him to move in with him (something buck would usually want from his love interest)

so the one who clings becomes the object of clinging

and the one who exiles becomes the one who clings

so with this reversal, buck is giving eddie - and himself - space to figure things out, instead of “going with the flow and finding himself in a relationship with no idea how he got there or what to do when things start to go wrong”

and eddie has space to hear his inner voice and make a conscious choice, instead of “moving too fast, going with his gut, and letting his head catch up later” (which in his case usually equals dating whatever woman someone suggests for him who will also be good for christopher)

buck being the one who pulls away (like shannon did with her decision to divorce) will force eddie to think about just how much he both needs and wants him in his life. i feel like it’s hard for eddie to break up with people (because it’s not like he wants to break their hearts), but it’s harder for him to do the opposite - to let them know his feelings out loud and ask them to stay. and it’s even harder to admit to himself his own real feelings for someone

and buck taking a step back in his situationship with eddie will also be a major growth point for him, because he usually jumps into relationships whenever there’s someone on the horizon - even if they’re wrong for him - to avoid being “alone.” so reflecting on his feelings for eddie and deciding that he can’t keep being in this more-than-friendship with him will force him to draw a clear platonic line. because these buried but still very much alive feelings for eddie are not making him feel less alone when it comes to his romantic life. so he’ll probably want the two of them to define what they are to each other

and this whole dynamic - buck giving them space to protect his own peace (which he almost never did in his previous relationships), and eddie realizing he doesn’t want the space (which he was more than okay with in all his previous relationships) - will definitely create something new between them

and it’ll end with them not being able to contain their true feelings anymore, so they’ll burst

and it probably will be in a messy way - because it’s buddie. they’re never normal. and i love them for it

but i’d love to see buck make a conscious decision to let go, instead of being the one left behind

and eddie being forced to make a choice for himself and act on his real feelings - for the first time in his life

and this is exactly why the slow burn works so well for these characters

this 7-year situationship they got themselves into is making them grow and evolve

“you don’t find it, son. you make it”

they can’t just go with the flow and jump straight into bed with each other, because the friendship they built is both their foundation and the barrier that keeps them from pursuing their feelings

it pushes them to very consciously choose each other - with minds, hearts, and bodies aligned

and this will be the first relationship in their lives where it all does align

the hardest part is crossing that bridge that leads them to their future together

[beatlesgrl]

Here have a little fic I wrote. I could be persuaded to continue but for now!

It doesn’t happen because of some near death experience. Eddie sometimes wished that he came to that realization during some insane call. Maybe a fire where the floor gave out and one of them fell a couple stories. Or they’re dangling from a cliff and they have to save each other. It would probably be less embarrassing. 

He didn’t want to die or anything, just maybe it wouldn't be as boring as it actually was.

No, he doesn’t realize he was in love with Buck because of anything like that. He realized it on a boring Tuesday afternoon. 

Buck and Eddie were in his living room, talking through the logistics of getting Christopher home from Texas. Thank God Eddie didn’t move to Texas, apparently he just needed to wait out Chris’s stubbornness to avoid telling him about his parents. He wanted to come home as soon as he could, but as he was in the middle of the school year, it was all about when to move him so he didn’t miss a lot of classes. 

There was a ring at the door, and Eddie looked up confused. “Buck did you invite anyone else over?” 

Buck was running to the door but replied, “Nope! Buuuuut-” He opened the door and picked something up, “-I knew this would be a late night sooo....”

The smell of spices and warmth filled the living room, and he recognized the logo on the bag. “You got us Mexican?” 

Buck smiled as he came back to the couch, “Yeah from that mom and pop place around the corner!” He started unloading the smell, and the waft of it hit Eddie square in the nose, “I knew we’d be here for a while and we didn’t really eat before our shift ended.” He got up and headed to the kitchen, probably to grab some plates and forks.

“I love this place...” Eddie stated, then sighed, “If only they had-”

“Your abuela’s guacamole?” Buck finished, and like magic he produced what he knew was an old tupperware container from his kitchen. “Made it yesterday while you were napping. Surprised you didn’t see it earlier Eds.” He sat next to him and gave him a fork. 

Eddie stared at him. “You-you made my abuela’s guacamole? How’d you even know the recipe?” 

Buck shrugged, “She sent it to me a while back, something about making sure you need to keep the tradition alive somehow.” He dished himself some guacamole as well as the enchiladas, and started eating. Like he didn’t just somehow have his abuela’s guacamole recipe. Her sacred recipe. 

Eddie would know. Shannon would always point out that it was how she knew she wasn’t accepted into the family. She would ask abuela every other month for that recipe, and every other month she would say no, or somehow forget, or insist she sent it already. Eddie asked her once why she wouldn’t send it to Shannon, and she would always insist that only family can have it. 

Somehow, though, Buck got her recipe with no fuss. His best friend was able to get something Shannon could never get. 

And just like that, everything started to click in his head. 

Buck is Chris’s legal guardian if anything were to happen to Eddie.

Buck yanked him under the fire engine when he was shot, risking his life to get Eddie to safety. 

Buck, taking blood thinners, searching LA for Christoper after the tsunami. 

Buck.

Oh my God.

“I-uh.” 

How does one go back to normal once you realize that you’ve been in love with your best friend this whole time?

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

new key!!! 🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲magical au hoh buck?? yes pls 🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼 need more shannon in my life thank you!! 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕buck & bobby and eddie & chim???????????????? say less ⚡⚡⚡⚡and to help you with this one

HELL YEAH! Let's go!

30 for 🌲:

---

A two word sentence is actually rather articulate these days. 

“I was just calling, because… Well, we had a sort of hard call at work this week. With a kid - a teenager, just a little bit older than you, and… I just miss you, I guess. And I wanted to check in.”

Eddie is expecting Christopher’s usual wall of stony apathy in response, but instead, he gets something different. Some sort of emotion. Chris’ mouth twitches. His eyes dart around, searching for a response.

“I…” He trails off. “Uh, what happened on the call?” 

Whoa.

Okay, damn. A question. An honest to god question.

“Weston,” Eddie says. “He’s on his high school’s cheer team. At a game, a football player crashed into him, and he fell and broke his pelvis really badly.”

Chris winces. “Ow.” 

“Yeah, he was in a lot of pain,” Eddie says. “But he’s a trooper. He’ll be okay.”

“That’s good,” Chris says. “Will he still be able to cheer?” 

“I don’t know yet,” Eddie admits. “I hope so. Seemed like he was pretty good at it.”

---

39 for 🔼:

---

Probably not a great time to process. There is, potentially, more blood in his dick than his head at the current moment. But, overall, Buck thinks the current makeout is sort of significant for several reasons. First being, it’s Eddie. Eddie Diaz. His best friend. Who is married with a wife. A wife that also kissed Buck. It bears saying that Buck is fairly certain he never kissed any married people before he met them. Now he’s kissed his way through a whole legal union. But also, Eddie is a guy. A man. Historically, Buck doesn’t kiss men. 

To be honest, at this juncture, Buck isn’t sure why he hasn’t kissed men before. Because honestly? This is sort of great. Eddie’s hands are big and strong and a little calloused and it’s sort of thrilling. Buck has him pressed against the door now, but Buck knows Eddie could flip him around and take control just as easily. He smells good. Like cedar. Buck thinks he’d like to kiss him until he runs out of oxygen.

Unfortunately, Eddie doesn’t seem to think that’s a good plan.

“Wait,” he pants, breaking the kiss. “Wait, Buck.”

Crushed, Buck steps back. He drops his hands to his side. His lips are still buzzing. 

“Sorry,” he blurts.

“What? No, don’t be sorry,” Eddie says. “I just… I have to pick up Chris soon.”

“Oh,” Buck exhales. “Right.”

Right. Other things exist. 

---

39 for 🤕:

---

“Only parts of it,” Bobby says. “But, listen… I need you to free me, carefully. You can’t be doing too much, okay? I can’t have you hurting yourself worse.”

“And we don’t want to cause further collapse,” Buck reasons.

“That too,” Bobby agrees. “Start with my arms, then I can help.”

“Okay,” Buck says. 

Carefully, Buck gets to work cutting the pinned fabric of Bobby’s turnout coat from the fallen rebar, and removing any other debris on top of him. Bobby winces at one point. There’s probably a small injury, some bruising or a sprain. Nothing life threatening, Buck would guess. But, then again… Bobby thinks he has a brain injury. Maybe he shouldn’t be guessing anything at all. 

Within a minute or so, they’re able to get to a place where Bobby can prop himself up a bit more on his elbows. 

“Okay,” he tells Buck. “I can feel my legs enough to help you, I think. I’ll push up, and all you need to do is hold the concrete up long enough for me to slip out.”

“Alright,” Buck says. “Got it.”

“Count of three, okay?” Bobby prepares him. 

“Okay.”

Buck gets a firm grip on the edges of the concrete slab over Bobby’s legs. 

“Okay, three… Two… One…”

Bobby grunts as he pushes the slab upward. Buck lifts, body twisted so that the majority of effort is concentrated in his abdomen. A stab of pain cries out from his gut.

“I’m free, I’m moving,” Bobby says. “Hold on.”

Bobby shimmies out, hissing in pain as he does.

The moment he’s clear, Buck drops the slab with a hefty exhale. His gloved hand flies to his stomach, to the source of the pain. 

---

12 for ⚡:

---

Determined to get to the bottom of his feelings - and whether or not they’re justified - he talks to Bobby. He’s always been able to talk to Bobby. That’s nothing new. But ever since they actually talked out everything between them - their place in each other’s lives - it feels even more natural. Like, duh? Obviously he should bring everything to Bobby. Especially if it involves Bobby’s future grandchild.

He tells Bobby everything in his office during a slower shift at work, the day before Eddie has arranged for them to meet Lourdes with Pepa. Bobby listens quietly as Buck explains his position. 

“Am I being an asshole?” Buck asks. “Because it sort of feels like my opinion is like… Crappy?”

[sevensoulmates]

@buddiesystempod Just discovered your podcast the other day and finished listening to your Buddie astrology episode a minute ago and loved it! You definitely convinced me of each of their placements. I originally had a couple different placements, but the only definitive thought I had was that Buck had to have Cancer somewhere in his big 3 and Eddie needed to have Scorpio somewhere in his big 3.

I wanted to add something about specifically Eddie's Moon in Scorpio because after listening to y'all talk I think you hit the nail on the head!

Something that hit me as y'all were talking about Eddie's Scorpio Moon, that you didn't touch on, is that the Moon represents the Mother, right? Your moon placement can often reflect your relationship with your mom, and in this case, I think it's also reflecting on Eddie's relationship to "mothers" in general, and my mind just went haywire!

Because Scorpio also represents sexuality, right? And Scorpio being ruled by Pluto, which represents shadow sides, & Mars, which can symbolize struggle, means that Eddie's Scorpio placements likely strongly correlate to his issues with sexuality as well as WITH MOTHERS. Specifically, The Mother is the main tool that Eddie uses to repress his true sexuality/desires.

I'm gonna start with Helena. She's his literal mother and, I would argue, more than Ramon, has harmed Eddie the most emotionally growing up. She was the present parent; she was the one who made him feel like he wasn't enough, and nothing he could ever do would ever be enough. She continued to shame him as he grew into an adult, specifically about how he PARENTED, and she canonically made Shannon feel like a horrible mother as well. Eddie's Scorpio Moon likely correlates to strong conflict with the mother, specifically in regards to repressing his true self, likely in relation to sexuality, and the heterosexual biological consequence of sex, procreation aka Chris. Her extreme shaming of him over getting Shannon pregnant (which probably caused massive shame in him around Sex in general) and then again trying to remove Eddie from the role of parent to place herself there is a recurring issue since Chris was born.

Now I want to move on to Shannon, and how she has always represented the Ultimate Mother Figure to Eddie. She's a martyr in his mind, and when Shannon comes back, he has a hard time figuring out if he wants Shannon back due to the fact that he wants her to be Chris's mother, or because he wants her as a woman and wife. It's only once Shannon is about to become a mother again does Eddie decide he will stamp down on his feelings and go back to her. Then after she dies, Eddie struggles with dating again. He doesn't actually want to date, never has, and only got back into it because he was convinced that Christopher needed a mother. So he looked for a mother to Chris in Ana, and when that didn't work, he looked for a mother in Marisol, and when that still didn't work, his last ditch effort was to find the literal doppelganger of his Ultimate Mother Figure Shannon in Kim. And when finally it all blew back up in his face, what happens? Helena swoops in at Eddie's most vulnerable and removes Eddie from the role of parent, this time successfully.

Now I want to talk about Ana. He was always subconsciously looking for a mother figure for Chris in her. That's why when she was perceived as Eddie's Wife in public, which is something his true self was not actually okay with, he had his panic attacks and ultimately could not continue that relationship.

And with Marisol, we see her as a former Nun, once again connecting her to the LITERAL HOLY MOTHER. Eddie then suffers literal sexual dysfunction after that. He can't look at Marisol without thinking of Mothers and to Eddie, Mothers = Shame/Sexual Shame. Shame from Helena, Shame from the way he "dragged" Shannon down by getting her pregnant and then "abandoning" her for the military, Shame for the way he wasn't able to love Shannon the way she deserved to be loved, Shame for using Ana, Shame for not being able to want any of these women the way he's been told he's supposed to want them!

Eddie also uses sex with women as a distancing tactic. He has sex with Shannon in s2 to avoid the real problem of bringing her back into Chris's life, he was dating Marisol for months, having a lot of sex with her, but never actually got to know anything about her in all of that time. And when he sees Kim again he's reminded of sex with Shannon because he deludes himself into thinking the reason he's having sexual issues with women is because they're not Shannon.

Scorpio also represents death and rebirth, right? And pluto, the shadow side, the shadow of Eddie's sexuality that he's been repressing this whole time. This new cycle of rebirth is forcing him to unveil why he's had such strong issues in relation to Mothers, and his struggles with his sexual feelings towards women.

I strongly believe his next arc HAS to involve a confrontation with Helena, specifically, in some way, as well as him finally putting to rest his rose-colored idolization of Shannon. It's only once he's able to recognize that his role as Father does not have to be separate from his role as Mother too. Eddie can be both Father & Mother to Chris, because obviously Chris does not want a replacement for his mom, understandably.

And of course, Scoprio also has a strong correlation to the "taboo" in sexuality as well. In Eddie's mind, he may find homosexuality to still be personally "taboo" (in an internalized homophobia sense like "everyone else is fine to be as queer as they want, but *I* cannot be). This also connects back to the Church as well as his community which may have instilled that in him.

Oh, I also forgot that if he was born in 1991, then his Pluto is likely also in Scorpio, which also points to issues with sexuality as well!

All in all, this is just a super long way of saying that Eddie needs to un-repress his gay-ness, build his true home with Buck and Chris, and stand strong in his confidence that he is a good parent on his own and that he can be even better by letting Buck support him as well!

[michaelormewood]

hi i wanna know your opinion about this bc im also interested with eddie’s current storyline what if eddie and kim actually end up together will it be weird what if they fix whatever is wrong with eddie (therapy and stuff) and he realized kim is not shannon and he lets kim be who she is and decided to be with her or would it be too confusing for chris

hmmm. i could maybe see kim sticking around and her and eddie developing a relationship after eddie goes back to therapy (and chris too, tbh), and he is finally able to fully let shannon and his idealization of their marriage go. (eddie and kim having only an emotional affair at this point, and them cutting out an apparent kiss from the episode could be indicators that they'd like to keep her around in some capacity, and audiences are probably more likely to forgive a messy but non-sexual/non-romantic entanglement than physical cheating.)

personally i think if they really wanted to do something with eddie/kim, it would have to take place at least a year or two down the road, after eddie's faced his grief over shannon and begun the healing process/is genuinely moving on. i would be intrigued by your idea of eddie moving on, realizing/accepting kim isn't shannon, and falling for her on her own merits. but i also honestly don't know if chris would ever be okay with eddie becoming involved with a woman who looks so much like shannon (which is why i think an actual bonafide romance between them is probably unlikely at this point).

i should add, also, that i suspect a portion of the audience wouldn't accept kim as a love interest for eddie regardless. i did consider the idea that they could bring devin back as a third character just to capitalize on the actors' chemistry but admittedly that's a bit silly and out there, lol.

[shipskicksandgiggles]

chapter 2 is out now!

Maddie decided to crash at Buck’s apartment for a few days once she was back in LA. Not that she couldn’t have stayed at Howie’s, but it felt right to give him some space since they’d already spent so much time together on the drive back. 

She was alone now that Buck was on shift, so when someone knocked at the door, it startled her. She went to the door, expecting a delivery of some kind more than anything, but that wasn’t the case. 

“You know that Buck is on shift, right? He’s covering for someone I think. He’s not here.”

Eddie Diaz looked back at her, clearly not expecting the deluge of words. “Yeah, I know. I didn’t come here to see him.”

She certainly wasn’t expecting that. “What?”

“Yeah, is that okay? I brought some tea.” He held up the box. 

It was the fancy stuff that she always kept in stock at dispatch. The only other person who knew about her stash was-

“Linda told me this was the kind you like the first time I spit the coffee Josh made into the sink when he wasn’t looking. I hope that was alright, I promise I refilled it so you would have it when you came back.”

When you came back echoed in the back of her head like a gong. 

“Oh, thank you,” she said, stepping back to let him inside. 

He immediately went towards the kitchen, finding Buck’s kettle with ease, and setting it to boil. 

“I’d have brought a bottle of wine, but it’s the middle of the afternoon, and I figured tea might be better.”

The memory of the first time they’d done this after Shannon’s funeral flashed through her mind. 

“Right.”

“So, how are you?”

Maddie looked at him suspiciously. “Did Buck make a spreadsheet for me?”

Eddie smiled, clearly holding back a laugh. “No, he didn’t, but I could see where you got that. Nope, I’m just here as your friend. I missed you, and thought maybe you’d want to talk about it.”

As ridiculous as it was, she believed him. “Boston was fine. Not that I really saw much of it while I was in treatment.”

He shook his head. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

She did know it, but most people were used to talking around the issue. 

“I don’t know how to talk about it.”

“That’s okay,” he said simply. “You had to get away, you’re going to feel a lot of ways about that. Hell, you probably already do. I figured you might want to talk about that with someone who actually gets it.”

And there it was, wasn’t it. Every time someone expressed their sympathy, it was clear that they pitied her, but also that they wished she’d done something else. That she shouldn’t have run, but they didn’t get it. Eddie did. 

“I needed to do it. It was what was best for her. For both of them.”

“And for you.”

“What?”

“You say that it was best just for Chim and Jee, but I think you need to recognize it was best for you too. It’s okay to take care of yourself.”

“I guess,” she admitted. “I just feel guilty. Like maybe I shouldn’t have come back.”

“So why did you? And don’t just say that it was because Chimney showed up.”

Why did she? She had to think about it, but that was fine, because the kettle whistled, and Eddie got to work making them both tea. 

He pulled two mugs out of the cupboard for them without seeming to think about his movements, and Maddie didn’t think to wonder how he knew where everything was. The way he moved around the space allowed her the peace of mind to actually consider his question. 

“Can I ask a different question?” Eddie asked, setting her mug in front of her. 

She supposed she had been quiet for too long. “Sure.”

“Why Boston?”

That was an easier question. “I trained in Boston. I lived there for a long time, it was home before I came here. It wasn’t really going back to my roots, but it was like reconnecting with the worst of myself. The constant reminder that I had come back from that place and was doing better for myself told me that I’d be able to come back from this too.”

“Okay, so let me ask again: why did you come back?”

“Because I wanted to come home. I wanted to be back with my family again. Not just Chimney and Jee, either, I mean Buck and Hen and Bobby and you. The 118 and its insane extended family. The dispatch too. I missed it while I was there, and that only made it worse because I felt guilty and I thought you all would hate me for what I did.”

Eddie walked around the counter and pulled her into a hug. “We would never hate you,” he said over her head. “We love you, Maddie. You did what you needed to do to survive. To get to the point where you could come home and be a part of this family you’ve surrounded yourself with.”

“But I’ve missed so much, and I’ll never be able to take that back.”

He pushed back from her and leaned against the counter, considering her for a moment before he spoke again. “Can I say something that’s going to hurt?”

She already knew what was coming, so she waved him on. 

“You’re not going to get those things back, Maddie. It sucks, I get it, but all you can do is move forward now. As much as you might want a time machine to get those milestones back, it’s just not going to happen.”

“I can’t just forget that I missed those things though.”

“So use it as a reminder to enjoy the milestones you do see that much more. Cherish those moments because they’re going to go by so fast that you’ll hardly even notice, but you know what?”

“What?”

“You’ve got a lifetime of milestones left to go. Maybe you’ll still miss a couple, but that’s life. You can’t be everywhere all at once, but that’s what you have your support system for. Chimney, Buck, plus the rest of the 118 family and dispatch, like you said. Our kids have the biggest, messiest, most loving family they could ask for because we’ve managed to create one, blood or otherwise.”

“Better than we got when we were their age.”

“Exactly,” Eddie assured her. “We’re doing the best we can for them. That doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, but you grow alongside them in your own way.”

“When did you get so wise?” she asked, teasing him lightly. 

“Probably around the time I realized I was running too. Not that I didn’t try to make excuses for it, but I was definitely running away from everything that was going on. I missed a lot of Chris’ early milestones. I feel guilty about it to this day.”

“So what do you do?”

“Enjoy the milestones I do get to experience. The start of every new school year, first crushes, school dances. I love that kid more than anything in this world, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to make sure he’s happy, even if he will almost certainly get embarrassed that his dad will get emotional in the drop-off line on his first day of high school the same way I did when I dropped him off on his first day in LA because it feels like yesterday that he was that small.”

Maddie laughed at that, brushing away the tears gathering in the corner of her eye. “God, is it really going to go that fast?”

“Oh yeah, you’re going to be dropping that little girl off at kindergarten in no time.”

“Don’t even speak it into the universe, I want her to be this little for a while longer.”

He smiled, clearly holding back a laugh. “That, Maddie Buckley, is the universal experience of parenthood.”

She laughed then, and he laughed with her. She felt something in her chest release, like maybe things would eventually be okay. 

Once they’d quieted down, she risked asking one last question. “Will it get easier?”

“Parenting? God no. If anything, that gets harder as they get older.”

“You know what I mean.”

He sighed. “There’s good days and bad days,” he seemed to settle on, “but you can’t let your guilt define you. If you let that shadow linger, if you cling to your guilt, it’s going to control your entire life. Take it from me, you have to find something that’s not guilt to keep you going. Being a human and being a parent are so different sometimes, but you’re both of those things. Don’t let one side overrule the other. She’ll forgive you, as long as you’re there for you to forgive when she’s old enough to understand.”

“Thanks Eddie.”

“You don’t have anything to thank me for. Call it returning the favor.”

“We really need to make time to get together when one of us isn’t having a crisis,” Maddie laughed. 

“Oh, for sure.”

Just then, they heard keys rattling in the lock and the door opened, the telltale sounds of Buck coming home from a shift.

“Maddie, I brought home some takeout from the place you like by the station,” Buck said as he came in the door. “I hope that’s okay, we just had a long shift and-“ he stopped short. “Eddie, what are you doing here?”

“Just keeping my favorite Buckley company,” Eddie winked at her as he moved to leave. “I’ll be out of your hair in a minute, don’t worry.”

“I-I’m not worried, but I guess I didn’t realize you were that close. Unless you’re not and this is like, you making a move or something because if so that’s-“ she watched Buck’s face run the gauntlet of emotions before he landed on disgust, “that’s so not cool, dude.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and clinked his mug against hers before he downed the last of his tea and put his mug in the sink. “We’re friends, Buck, I promise. Contrary to popular belief, I talk to people who aren’t you.”

Buck just shoved him playfully. “As long as you’re not planning on making a move on my sister.””

“Please, you know I already have everything I need.”

Maddie caught the fond smile on his face and recognized it for what it was. She raised an eyebrow at him, and he shook his head subtly. 

In their own time, she supposed. 

“Hey, why don’t you stay for dinner?” Buck offered, setting the bags of food down on the counter. “I ordered extra anyway.”

“Don’t worry about it, I know that’s for your lunch tomorrow. I have to go pick up Chris from a friend’s house soon anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow, Buck. Bye Maddie, text me and we can make plans.”

“Bye Eddie!”

The door closed behind him, and they both stared at the space where he had been. 

Buck was the one who broke the silence. 

“When the hell did you become friends behind my back?”

here is the eddie and maddie being besties fic that I needed in my life so i wrote it, and yes, this is part one of two, I know

read Survivors' Guilt here on ao3

He’d been to wakes before. He remembered the whole song and dance of ‘I’m sorry for your losses’ and pitying looks. 

This was worse somehow, more personal, he supposed. Shannon was his wife after all. 

Funeral parlors were all sort of the same. It smelled like stale perfume and chemicals, which wasn’t really what death was supposed to smell like. Death smelled like wet dirt and gasoline and blood. It smelled like fire and burning flesh and metal. 

This was the smell of what came after.  

Most people had already filtered in, all of the 118 and their families were present. Eddie’s family too, and what was left of Shannon’s. 

He surveyed the room from the seat he’d commandeered once people had stopped coming up to him to say that they were sorry for his loss. He was still in full view of the casket, but he had a good vantage point on the rest of the room as well. 

He saw Buck with a dozing Christopher perched on his hip talking to his parents and Bobby. It was an exhausting day for the kid, and Buck hadn’t minded being a shoulder for them both to cry on. It made him feel better about sitting down knowing his kid was taken care of. 

Hen and Karen were sitting at the back of the room with Athena, looking through photo albums, keeping an eye on their own kids who’d found a deck of cards somewhere and were playing some game that probably resembled Go-Fish more than poker. 

Other family members were scattered around, engaging in similar activities. The atmosphere was muted and strange, but familiar at the same time. 

Someone sat down next to him. He didn’t look over to see who it was. 

“I know how you feel,” Maddie Buckley said quietly. “How it’s all kind of hollow? Like you’d rather lock yourself in a dark room than be here?”

Of everyone here, she really did get it. 

“Yeah,” he said, ignoring the rasp in his voice. 

“You know, between you and me, there’s a bathroom on the third floor that no one really uses. Great place to take a break from it all if you ask me.”

He finally spared a glance at her. 

She smiled softly. “Up the stairs, to the right. All the way at the end of the hallway, last door on the left. I’ll cover for you.”

Caring seemed to be a Buckley family trait. He nodded as he stood up and made his way to the door. He wasn’t as close with Maddie as he could be for as much as he spent time with her brother, but they got along. 

He found the bathroom without much trouble, exactly where she said it was. It was small, decorated with the same floral wallpaper as the rest of the place, but if he turned off the light, he could ignore it. He locked the door, sat down on the lid of the closed toilet, and finally was able to breathe. 

Some time later, he gathered his strength and made his way back downstairs. Buck caught his eye as he reentered the room, but he just shook his head and sat back down. Maddie reappeared at his side a few moments later. 

“Thank you,” he said. 

“Of course,” she answered. 

“How did you know about that?”

“When Doug, you know,” she made a motion with her hand, “I still kind of helped plan his funeral. I don’t know why, it felt like the right thing to do. He still had people that cared about him, mostly coworkers and distant family, but they were on the East Coast which meant someone still had to work with a funeral home to ship the body back there. I don’t think it had to be me, but I still kind of felt like I had an obligation. I was here a lot, and the number of people who still apologized for my loss were overwhelming, so instead of waiting in the hallway when they were on the phone to the funeral home in Boston, I found my way upstairs.”

“Jesus.”

“I know, I probably should have let someone else handle it.”

“Maybe,” Eddie admitted. “But I kind of get it.”

Maddie gave him a look that he could only interpret as disbelief. 

“She wanted a divorce.”

She inhaled sharply. “Right.”

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes more. 

“What are you doing after this?” Maddie asked suddenly. 

“I’ll probably just go home and eat dinner,” he answered, knowing it was a lie. He hadn’t been able to stomach the idea of eating much recently. 

“Why don’t you come over? I know the department is giving you time off to grieve, but they all have a shift. Buck’s been in a mood about it, he’s worried about you.”

“So this was Buck’s idea,” he couldn’t help but snark.

She rolled her eyes. “No, it’s my idea, but I think he’d appreciate someone keeping an eye on you. I’m guessing Chris wants to spend some time with his grandparents while they’re in town anyway, and as much as you probably want to be alone, it wouldn’t hurt to have some company. I’ll cook, and I think I have some wine stashed away somewhere.”

Eddie groaned. “Dear god, please don’t even think about cooking. I have so many frozen meals in my freezer that I feel like I won’t have to buy groceries until the new year. Between Bobby and my abuelita, they’ve found a way to make the most of the space in my freezer. I think they exchanged numbers, which I can’t think about right now. I will absolutely take you up on the wine though.”

“Deal. I’ve heard rumors about your abuela’s tamales.”

“I’ll bring them over.”

She patted him on the shoulder before she stood, going to find Chim who’d joined Hen, Karen, and Athena. 

After another moment of staring at the casket, he rose as well, making his way over to Buck’s side. 

“Is he asleep?” he asked quietly, nodding at Chris. 

“Yeah,” Buck answered just as softly. “Should I wake him?”

“It’s okay, I got him.” He turned so he was facing Buck, and shook Chris’ shoulder gently. “Hey buddy, time to wake up.”

“Dad?”

“You bet, kid. How do you feel about giving Buck his arms back?”

Chris whined and buried his face in Buck’s shoulder. Eddie chuckled. 

“Come on, mijo, you can come with us,” his dad jumped in, taking Eddie’s cue. He knew Chris wouldn’t be able to resist his grandparents. “There’s a pool at our hotel, I think your dad packed your swim trunks in the car.”

He picked his head up at that. “There’s a pool?”

“Yep, but you can’t go unless you wake up, sweetheart,” his mom said. 

“Okay,” Chris finally decided. 

“How about Buck takes you out to the car while I get your bag, okay?”

He turned to his parents once Chris was loaded into the backseat of their rental car. “Thank you.”

“You know we’d never turn down spending time with our grandson,” Ramón said. 

“Or our son,” Helen hinted. 

“I’m okay, we’ll catch up at breakfast tomorrow, alright?”

“Alright, Edmundo, we’ll see you in the morning.”

His mom kissed him on the cheek, and his dad patted him on the back. He watched them drive away, almost wishing he was keeping Chris by his side, but he knew this was what was best for the both of them right now. His parents would take care of him for the night. He would be fine. 

~~~

He pulled into a parking spot near Maddie’s apartment and grabbed the bag full of tamales from his passenger seat. 

Maddie met him at the door, taking the dish and pointing him towards an already poured glass of wine. 

“Should I put these in the oven?”

“Yeah, at 350. Pour a cup of water in the bottom of a baking dish first, though.”

She nodded and set the oven to preheat. 

“So, do you want to talk about it?”

Eddie was shocked by her bluntness. “Do I get a choice?”

“Well your options are to talk about it, or to sit here in silence, which sitting together in silence just seems…”

“Pointless,” Eddie finished. “Like I should have just stayed home.”

“I mean, sitting together in silence is still better than being alone, but you get the point.”

Eddie laughed. “So I should probably talk about it.”

She nodded for him to continue. 

He stared into his glass, willing the words to come, but none did. 

“Alright, let’s try something else,” Maddie said after a while, clearly noticing his struggle. “Tell me about her.”

That he could do. “We met in high school. We had some of the same classes, and we kind of just clicked together. It wasn’t even romantic at first, she just fit into my life like she’d always been there.”

“But it wasn’t romantic?”

“Not really, not in the way that everyone expected it to be, I guess. My parents always pushed us about it, hers did too, it just wasn’t what we were looking for.”

“So what changed?”

“The pressure got to us,” Eddie admitted. “It wasn’t like I didn’t love her, I did, but ultimately I don’t think either of us wanted things to change. Obviously I’m not upset about the results now, I love Chris more than anything, and I’m happy with where my life is-“

“But you couldn’t help but wonder what might have happened if the pressure hadn’t gotten to you,” Maddie finished. 

“Yeah,” Eddie said softly. “Because then I ran, and then she ran, and then she tried to run again, and here we are.”

“What was she like this time around?” Maddie asked after a pause. 

“What?”

“You’d been apart for a few years, right? Tell me about her more recently.”

Eddie had to think about it, which was fine because the oven beeped to let them know it was heated. He watched Maddie follow his instructions and set a timer to remember to pull them out after a while. 

After sitting with the question for a moment, he had an answer. “She changed so much but at the same time she didn’t change at all,” he said carefully. “Like, she was more mature, obviously. She had a life for herself here, but there were moments where I felt like we were 17 again, laughing like no time had passed. She still loved Christmas and s’mores and the beach. We still fought about the same things we’d fought over for years.”

“Is that why she wanted a divorce?”

He shook his head. “She told me it was because she needed to learn who she was without being married. I understood, I think we probably both needed to do that. Now she’ll never get the chance.”

Maddie nodded, but didn’t press him further. Instead, she took his glass from him and refilled it. She seemed to be thinking about something, but didn’t know how to express it. 

He’d seen that look before, on Buck’s face. The Buckley siblings were remarkably similar in some capacities, which made it easy to ask his own question. 

“What are you thinking?”

“Have you ever heard of survivor’s guilt?”

He had. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“It’s usually associated with trauma you don’t have control over, combat,” she took a deep breath, “abuse, accidents,” she finished, looking pointedly at him. 

“But I wasn’t in the accident with her,” Eddie said. “It’s not like we both got hit and she died and I didn’t. She died on her own, I just happened to catch the aftermath.”

“It can be more complicated than that, no one said you both had to experience the trauma in the same way.”

“The connotation is kind of there, though.”

Maddie rolled her eyes. “No two situations are the same, and no one said emotions were rational. Think about how many times in your life you’ve almost died.”

Eddie absolutely did not want to think about that. He was fully aware of his statistical outlier number of run-ins with death. “It’s a lot.”

“Right, so you didn’t die when you were overseas when you left your wife the first time, and you shipped out again.”

“Because I was trying to support my wife and son.”

“And maybe you were a little bit scared of settling down and facing life back on the ground, but you came home, and you tried, and you managed to create a life only to have it ripped out from under you again. Which you lived through, and you kept living through and you were trying to create the life you thought you should have had before. Then Shannon ripped it out from under you, and then she died, and you’re still here, Eddie.”

He stared at her for a moment. “You’re dark, has anyone ever told you that?”

She shrugged. “Sometimes it’s easier to be dark than to talk around things. Sorry if it was too much.”

She seemed sincere in her apology. And, the thing is, it made sense. Against all odds, he was alive. Shannon, who lived a life that should have kept her safe until she got old and gray, wasn’t. 

It wasn’t fair. 

“Survivor’s guilt,” Maddie repeated. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

“What I’ve always done,” Eddie sighed. “Survive.”

[lover-of-mine]

Yk, I'm a believer that Eddie went through all the stages of realizing he's actually in love with Buck and is now settled in the acceptance that he will be Buck's best man and it's trying to be okay with it. I don't think that at this point you can say Eddie doesn't know. I think Buck doesn't know how to name it, because he always loves with all he has and he thinks romantic love is this all consuming thing and Eddie is safety so he doesn't fully understand what they have. But Eddie knows. And it goes back to the beginning, to Buck stepping up with Chris without being asked to and never making Eddie feel like a bad parent, just realizing he needs help. But because of the Shannon of it all he didn't stop to consider those feelings until the tsunami and the lawsuit. The there's no one in this world i trust with my son more than you is very telling but I also don't think Eddie stopped to consider what it meant that he actually means that. And then Eddie lost his footing not being able to talk to Buck because he got used to Buck always being there, because up until that point Buck has always been there. It's why he gets so mad at Buck and there's the grocery store of it all because that's not a fight you have with your best friend, you don't bring up your kid to make your best friend feel bad for leaving you, you just don't, and also the way Eddie just let it go the second Buck apologized for not considering him in his decision. And he spends a while ignoring his feelings, until the well. Signing a legal document that makes a guy you've known for like, 2 years, who's single and has no kids of his own, the legal guardian of your kid is crazy. Like, Eddie's lawyer probably stared at him like he was insane because one, Eddie has living family that's very willing to take care of Chris and two, Buck is also a firefighter and not only he's a firefighter, he's Eddie's partner, so if Eddie is in danger, Buck is probably in danger too. And he just does that. And doesn't mention it. And I feel like that is because, mentioning would mean thinking about his reasonings to do it and thinking about his reasonings would be thinking about Buck's place in his life and more importantly his feelings for Buck and he didn't want to do that. But then he got shot. And he was trying to reach Buck. He asked if Buck was hurt as if he was not bleeding out. And sure, you can brush it off as he needs Buck to be okay because one of them needs to go home to Christopher, but when he tells Buck about the will, it's not really about Chris, is about Buck acting like he somehow matters less and Eddie can't have that. Then there's the PTSD of it all too, but with the PTSD, there's Eddie going to therapy and learning how to stop moving past things. You can't tell me season 6 Eddie doesn't know. Because he does. He's just living in his bubble with Buck and Chris and acting like that's enough and hoping that maybe Buck will get where he is eventually until Buck dies and meets someone else and Eddie has the revelation that he's not what Buck wants, so he needs to move on. It's very interesting that Eddie decides to date after Buck makes it seem like this random woman is the love of his life, because what it tells him is that he's never gonna have that. But Buck thinks love is work, but in that way that makes him ready to kill himself to make it work, and he hasn't realized the amount of work he's put into his relationship with Eddie and that Eddie is right there with him and doesn't realize that he already has the thing he's searching for. So Eddie knows but accepted it's never gonna happen and Buck needs someone to shake him so he can have his oh moment.

[finduilasclln]

Welcome to my Buddie Fic Rec List!

Since I read so many Buddie fics, and some of them are so good, I thought I’d share them in some handy lists. I’ll be posting them in different categories, and you will be able to find all the posts HERE.

Disclaimer: Always read the tags and warnings! Also, tastes differ. These are my personal favorites, which doesn’t mean they’ll automatically be yours of course. If you want to reblog and add some of your own favorites that fit the category, please be my guest! I always love discovering new fics. I will also add new recs of my own whenever I stumble upon them.

One last thing: Please like and comment when you’ve had a nice read. It means so much to authors to hear your thoughts! And don’t hesitate to share this post and spread the love for these fics around!

Buddie Fic Rec: "Getting Together".

I could read about them falling in love and getting together a million times...

falling, by elisela (@elisela) || 1298 words ||

Buck’s looking at him again. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?"

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes, not looking at the view at all. He runs his thumb over the birthmark above Buck’s eye, then, gently, down to the one on his eyelid before moving his hand back into Buck’s hair.

Take Another Little Pizza My Heart, by Phraekycat || 6491 words ||

In which Buck helps Christopher with his Valentines for school, and discovers some things about himself.

OR

Buck is oblivious, but Eddie loves him anyway.

Mother's Day Blues, by hideeho (@agentlemuse) || 2983 words ||

It's the first Mother's Day since Shannon's death and Eddie's parents are in town. He's handling it as well as you'd expect. Fortunately he has Buck on his side.

die for you in secret, by extasiswings (@extasiswings) || 8046 words ||

Eddie Diaz is very good at being in love with his best friend. Which means, when Buck finds a baby and everything changes, Eddie is committed to doing anything he can to make sure Buck has whatever he needs.

If that means locking his heart away for a little while longer—or forever—he’ll do it.

It's probably for the best anyway.

[Companion fic to keep my brittle heart warm (give me peace)]

Medicine Man, by LovelyLittleGrim (@lovelylittlegrim) || 4152 words ||

Buck doesn't know what to do when Eddie kisses him on the forehead the first time (or the second time) but he does know he wants him to do it again.

i think i might have inhaled you, by aresaphrodites (@aresaphrodites) || 25994 words ||

How do you tell your best friend that you're actually in love with them? If you're Evan Buckley, you don't.

17 Steps to Inevitability, by allyasavedtheday (@littlespooneven) || 12024 words ||

Eddie doesn't plan for Buck to become part of his and Christopher's family; it just sort of happens. He doesn't plan to fall in love with Buck either; that just sort of happens too.

you can tell everybody this is your song, by woodchoc_magnum (@woodchoc-magnum) || 492714 words ||

"It's not a date if Chris is here with us."

At that, Buck's eyebrows flew up, and his face went pale. "A… date?"

Eddie nodded, a little nervously. "Yeah. This is a date."

as ordinary things often do, by hattalove (@hattalove) || 3997 words ||

“Uh, Chim,” he says, “why would we be kissing each other in the first place?”

“Oh, no reason,” Chimney shrugs. “That’s why I figured you’d be on board. Just don’t kiss each other for a week, which you already do. Easy money.”

spoiler: it's not easy money.

it always leads to you, by woodchoc_magnum (@woodchoc-magnum) || 24984 words ||

Missing scenes from Season 2 onwards, in which Buck becomes a fixture in the Diaz household, and he and Eddie unwittingly build a family together.

And fall in love, of course.

paint me a heaven with your bloodied mouth, by extasiswings (@extasiswings) || 3345 words ||

Buck.

Four letters. One syllable.

Eddie knows it’s a nickname. He doesn’t know why Buck picked it or why Buck seems to use it exclusively, but he figures it isn’t really his business. And also that it probably isn’t that deep—all of them use nicknames at work or otherwise in their daily lives. Eddie himself might find it weird if anyone outside of his immediate family suddenly started using his full name regularly after so many years of only rarely hearing it from anyone else.

So. Eddie calls Buck Buck. And he doesn’t think anything of it.

At least…not at first.

Let's not sleep together, by lasvegas_lights (@starlingbite) || 5047 words ||

It's been a month since Eddie left and Buck hasn't spoken to him since. The whole thing has left Buck angry, work just isn't the same and he's not sleeping. Turns out Eddie isn't sleeping either.

A.K.A: Six late-night conversations between Buck and Eddie after 5x10.

must be some kind of twist, I can get used to this, by soyxunxperdedor || 38794 words ||

He doesn’t remember much from last night, even less after the fourth or fifth tequila shot. So he certainly doesn’t remember bringing someone back to his room.

He steels himself for the lancing pain and cracks his eyes open.

Oh. Oh no.

This is either really bad or… Well, not really good, but just. Not really bad, and that’s probably all Buck can ask for it to be.

Because Eddie is in his bed, Eddie’s arm is wrapped around his waist, Eddie’s legs are tangled with his. And he has no idea why.

baby, say you'll always keep me, by hattalove (@hattalove) || 8251 words ||

“Yeah,” Eddie says, and the darkness behind his eyelids takes on a white edge. “Be good. Nice to be married,” he yanks on Buck’s t-shirt, “best friend.”

Finally, Buck takes a breath that sounds off somehow, but he laughs too, and that sounds normal, Eddie thinks. A normal laugh.

“Sure, Eds,” he says, and there’s his hand in Eddie’s hair again, a puff of breath on the crown of Eddie’s head like Buck leaned in to press a kiss there and then stopped, but why would he stop—“I’ll marry you if you remind me tomorrow.”

or the one in which joking about being married to your best friend is all fun and games, right up until you realize that you're not laughing.

stranger sunlight, still, by mmtion (@mmtions) || 64541 words ||

When the 118 find out about Buck’s secret thirst account on Instagram – to raise fire safety awareness, obviously – they make fun of him the appropriate amount and move on. Eddie, who has had some recent and birthmark-shaped revelations about his feelings, finds it a little harder to do the same.

Of course, Eddie would never invade Buck’s privacy by searching for and finding the anonymous account. Or looking at all the uploaded photos late at night. Or even directly messaging Buck’s secret account. That would be weird, because he’s certainly not planning on doing anything about his newfound attraction.

However, anonymous account @elbombero118 has no such limitations.

from the ashes, by casfallsinlove (@oliverstarked) || 7038 words ||

It makes the breath catch in Buck’s lungs. He doesn’t know how it’s possible when he’s just spoken to him but suddenly he misses Eddie with such a fierce intensity that it leaves him aching. He presses the phone to his chest so hard it hurts, but he wants the words inside of him, wants them bruised onto his skin and scratched into his ribs. You’re the love of my fucking life, he wants to say back. What he actually types is just as honest.

Sent 10:53pm I miss you.

-

In which Buck's father dies and Buck takes the long way home.

something to hold onto, by foxwatson (@eddiediazes) || 5185 words ||

There’s about a palm’s width of distance between Eddie’s knee and Buck’s thigh, where they’re both sitting on Eddie’s couch. It would barely take any movement at all for Eddie to just nudge his leg over a little further, press their knees together and let his rest there.

or the one where frank tells eddie he should work on letting himself want things, and eddie starts by cuddling with buck

let go of that whipping post, by foxwatson (@eddiediazes) || 4241 words ||

Eddie comforts Buck after a nightmare - only it's less like the nightmares Buck is used to, and more like a stress dream. Thankfully, just like always, Eddie seems to know exactly what Buck needs without Buck even being able to say that he needs it.

falling apart (feeling lucky), by elless || 1108 words ||

Eddie shifts beside him, his hand brushing the back of Buck’s. He shudders and bites his lip.

This hadn’t been the plan when Eddie followed him home after their shift this morning. Buck would never plan this. Dream about it, sure, but he’s spent so long pressing it down and hiding the way he feels, he’d never dare make the first move. A quick nap and a planning session about what to get Chris for his birthday and then baked ziti for supper after they pick Chris up from school, that’s what they talked about in the truck on the way back to the station after their last call.

But then Eddie kissed him.

Or, the aftermath of their first time.

find a way to you (if it kills me), by foxwatson || 19572 words ||

the one where eddie decides to start dating again, buck figures out his own feelings just a minute too late, and then he spends a week going through the five stages of grief

wedding bells, by renecdote (@renecdote) || 1969 words ||

The background noise of the movie and the warm weight of his best friend against his side is lulling Eddie towards a nap when Buck breaks the silence.

“Do you want to get married?”

“Sure,” Eddie answers sleepily. “Fall wedding?”

“What?” Buck frowns, and Eddie realises: oh, he meant do I want to get married generally not to him specifically. Then Buck is asking, “Why fall?”

In which Buck and Eddie plan a wedding.

***

I will be adding my own fics that fit the category, in case you want to read those too:

Show me everything we built, by Finduilas || 1802 words ||

Written for the Tumblr prompt: "Your smile brings me so much joy."

Buck is watching Christopher. Eddie is watching Buck.

[liesoverthec]

I don't know if you've paid any attention to this but do you know the official ages of the main characters? You've always paid attention to little details so i feel like you'd be the right person to ask this to.

Hi anon! ❤️ I’m SO SO sorry this took so long!

I appreciate you thinking of me for this - I have in fact paid attention to this 😂 I know about the general age of some characters, and I know within a year of others (depending on when their birthday is they may have aged up already!)

Bobby - 54. He says in the pilot that he’s 50 years old, and so you figure he’s at least 54 by now, if not 55 if his birthday was between January (when the pilot aired) and now!

Athena - mid 50s. In Athena Begins, I feel like it’s safe to assume she’s around 22 or 23, since she’s in law school but not close to finishing (and I really don’t think she took a gap year), and that was 1989, so she was *probably* born around 1966-67. Which would put her around 54-55 right now, which fits with how old Bobby is!

Hen - 41. She says in Future Tense that she joined med school at 40 (if she’s not rounding for dramatics). Since she got into med school last year in the s3 finale, I’d say 41 now. If she did just say 40 bc it was easy, I’d still say she’s between 39-42 now, bc she’d have to be close in age to 40 to round so automatically like that imo. But at this point I’m going with a simple 41.

Chim - Late 30s to early, early 40s. Chim is one of the two I really don’t have a good idea on. Chimney Begins is set in 2005, and he’s at least 21, since we see him drinking beer in that episode. So he was born sometime before 1984, which would make him 36 right now if he was exactly 21 then, but I think he’s a little older than that, since he’s been working in the bar for a while before the fire. I can’t remember any other details that would give him a more specific age, so if someone does and can provide them I would love to add them! Personally I’d say 39-40, bc I think he’s a little older than Maddie but not by much. I can say however that he has a March birthday! EDIT - thanks to the wonderful @shannon-diaz who remembered that we see Chim’s birthday on his license in 2x10 (you can see the pic provided in the notes!) HOWEVER! I want to make a disclaimer (which I would like to emphasize is not me trying to argue against the lovely Ann at all, she’s absolutely right about this, I just wanna say this) - they have already been changing Chim’s birthday since then, since the license says 10/20/1977 and they’ve since moved his birthday to March. So it’s absolutely possible that they’ve decided to change his age as well. BUT! At the point this was shown, they’d already committed to Madney becoming a thing, so it’s likely they thought about how old Maddie and Chim were in relation to one another. What I don’t know is if they thought about Maddie’s age before then, or if they put it off until they had to during the Daniel arc. All of this is to say - right now, as of end of s4, the best info we have says Chim is 44. But I could also absolutely see the writers pulling a switcharoo on the poor props crew and changing his age, since they’ve already discarded the birth date. So I say, go forth and know that Chim is 44! But also please don’t get mad at me if that information changes in the future 😂

Buck - 29. During the entire Buck Begins arc, they say multiple times that the family has been hiding a secret from him for 29 years, etc etc. In the Valentine’s Day ep in s1, Abby says Buck is 26. And in Kids Today (the opener to s3) Maddie specifically mentions he’s 28. So I’m most sure about Buck, out of everyone, esp since Oliver himself is 29. I think he’s the character where they’re sticking closest to the actor’s actual age.

Maddie - around 37. We know Maddie was 9 when Daniel died (Chim says she made the promise to not talk about Daniel when she was 9). Since Daniel died a little over a year after Buck was born, that puts Maddie around 8 at the time Buck was born, making her 37 to Buck’s 29 as of right now. Also, in ep 4 of s4, her mom mentions her being a “high risk pregnancy” since she’s over 35, but specifically does not say she’s over 40. So 37 or 38 for her. (Side note - Maddie is older than Daniel by between 1.5 to 2 years, since she says Daniel died when he was 7.) like I said, I’m most positive about Buck’s age but Maddie’s is a close second.

Eddie - early 30s? I also have no idea about him. My personal best guess would be 33, since that’s how old Ryan Guzman is now, and they’ve never in my recollection said anything to indicate a different age for him! (Same thing here as goes for Chim - if anyone can remember something let me know!) Note - I’ve been thinking on this a while and I actually feel pretty good about 31-33. We know Chris was born in 2011, so he’s turning 10 sometime soon, and that would make Eddie somewhere between 21-23 when he was born, which I feel fits with a timeline of him taking time to work with his dad after high school, and then joining the army, doing basic, and getting deployed all in time to get leave for Christopher’s birth.

And there’s all 7 mains! I’m going to link this in a bullet point in the next character details post, so if anyone wants to add information for Chim or Eddie (preferably with an episode number and/or scene so that I can verify it), I’ll edit this post and give you credit, so that way when I link this post, people will be able to see it all in one place, and the edits w credit will be in the tag for everyone to see!

Also all of these ages are as of right now, end of s4. If you want to write future fic or fic for a past season you’ll want to add or subtract years accordingly!

Thanks for the question, anon - putting together the “age puzzle” is like my favorite kind of challenge!

🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝

[tripleaxeldiaz]

you’re my living proof my love is alive

for @eddiediaz HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAY <33

read on ao3

“Did you ever think we’d get here?”

Eddie opens his eyes, the shade of the tree they’re under saving him from an assault of sunlight. He’d been dozing off and on, lulled by the warm day and the soft breeze and Buck’s fingers raking through his hair where his head rested on his lap. But something about Buck’s voice — not a sadness, not an edge, but something — wakes him up fully, and he rolls onto his back to look up at Buck’s face. He follows where Buck’s eyes have landed — on their family, spread out around them, absorbed in their own conversations while kids flit in and around them like over excited butterflies. He’s looking at them wistfully and in some sort of awe, and Eddie waits for him to elaborate.

“To the park?” he asks slowly when it looks like an explanation isn’t coming. “It’s like a 10 minute drive from our house.”

Buck tugs his ear, fighting and losing to the smile spreading on his face. “No, asshole. I mean all of this. Our family. You and me. Did you ever imagine we’d get a life like this?”

The breeze seems to blow a little cooler as Eddie takes that in, because honestly? No. All of this, the joy that he’s found here, is brighter and better than anything he ever let himself dream about.

And it’s not that he never thought he’d be happy or filled with some kind of lightness. It just wasn’t a priority — not when he had a team to lead or a marriage to try and fail to fix or a kid to take care of on his own. Everything and everyone else came first because those were things he could handle, tangible things with some kind of concrete solutions, the direct opposite of the amorphous, unreachable discomfort that always seemed to sit right at the base of his skull. And there were moments of joy, especially with Christopher — his smile, his laugh, the way he lit up at any opportunity to learn something new. Those were good moments, great moments, and Eddie treasured all of them, locking them up tight in his heart because they were sometimes the only things that got him through the day.

But still. No matter what, at the end of the day, he’d find himself in bed, surrounded by silence, fighting off the aching loneliness that grew stronger as the sun went down. Only then would he let himself indulge — he’d imagine a dip in the mattress next to him, warm skin begging for his touch, craving that feeling of being wanted by someone else despite the demons and nightmares that still haunted him.

He doesn’t really know if it made the loneliness better or worse.

Moving to LA helped — a fresh start for both of them, more opportunities, no one hovering over his every move waiting to swoop in the minute he made a mistake. He felt lighter, excited even, like maybe now things would actually turn around for him, like maybe he was ready to fill that space that sat in his heart. Maybe Shannon coming back was a sign that she was supposed to fill it the whole time, just like he thought when they were 19.

But then she left, permanently, just as quickly as she came, and suddenly he wasn’t sure of anything his heart or soul was telling him anymore.

So he threw himself back into what he knew best — being there for everyone else. Whether at work or with Chris, his focus was solely on the outside, ignoring any pangs of longing or indulgences because they didn’t matter. A person could only survive so many broken hearts in their lives, and he’s certain that watching the life fade out of Shannon’s eyes with no way of stopping it was the last one he’d be able to handle. It wasn’t a waste, this focusing on other people, and he wasn’t unhappy — how could he be when he had the best kid, the best friend, the best family that he’d cobbled together for himself, that had saved him time and again without even knowing it?

The loneliness lingered, though. It wrestled with the fear he felt so hard sometimes it blew the breath right out of his lungs. He thought he did an okay job of hiding it until Bobby sat him down and told him it was okay to move on, that it was okay to want to let someone in, to not carry the burdens on his own anymore. And he knew that, rationally, but that wasn’t the problem.

The problem was that in the moments when his resolve cracked, his indulgences were no longer faceless. They had broad shoulders and strong arms, a halo of curls and eyes so blue they put the ocean to shame. 

The problem was that this person was real and solid, an unshakeable presence in his and Chris’ world who smoothed out creases and stitched up tears in a way that was helpful, not in a way that made Eddie feel guilty for letting things get creased in the first place.

The problem was that the person his stupid, lonely heart had let in, without his consent, without him even noticing, was the person he knew would shatter his heart into a billion, unrepairable pieces if he ever lost him. 

So he settled instead. 

He found someone who was nice and low maintenance and good with Chris and it was enough. Or almost enough. Or as close to enough as he felt he deserved.

He feels another tug at his ear. “Did I lose you? Pretty sure your eyes just glazed over for like two minutes.”

Nothing he does gets past Buck, that’s for sure, and the knowledge of that warms him better than the sunshine. He reaches up and threads their fingers together, kissing the back of Buck’s hand before resting both on his chest, over his heart. He sighs, eyes slipping closed again. “Sorry. Zoned out for a second.”

“And forgot my question,” Buck says, squeezing his hand. “So did you? Imagine this? Or something like it, I guess.”

He’s better with words than he used to be, can be straightforward with his feelings without breaking out into a cold sweat. But still, these words stick, because years and countless therapy sessions later, he knows exactly how deep the darkness went back then, and he hates thinking about it. Hates remembering the full body ache of loneliness, how dull and bleak it made everything seem.

But also, he can’t — won’t — lie to Buck, and he’s warm enough now, surrounded by sunlight and laughter and Buck’s hand on his chest, that he’s not worried about being pulled under again.

“No,” he finally says. “I didn’t let myself think about anything like this for a really long time. But when I finally did, it was never as good as the real thing.”

Buck hums but doesn’t say anything else. He traces carefully over Eddie’s knuckles and the back of his hand, and Eddie almost falls asleep again. 

“What changed your mind?” Eddie opens his eyes and Buck’s looking down at him now, an intense curiosity in his eyes, like he was just cycling through everything he knows about Eddie trying to figure out what made him believe in love again.

Knowing Buck, he probably was.

Eddie’s happy to save him the trouble. “I got shot,” he says simply, and Buck’s hand finally stills. Eddie reaches up, cupping Buck’s cheek, relishing in the way he automatically leans into his palm.

“I got shot,” he says again, “and you saved me, in every way you possibly could.”

It’s true — it wasn’t the first time a bullet had found a path through him, or even the first time he’d seen his life flash before his eyes. But as he lay there in the street, hot asphalt underneath him, weaker by the second, the only things running through his head were Chris and Buck and ChrisandBuck, and his only regret was that Buck didn’t know — about his guardianship of Chris, about how he made Eddie feel something like hopeful for the first time in years, any of it.

As his vision blacked out, Buck’s face streaked with blood and panic was the last thing he saw, and he vowed to make sure Buck knew everything if he made it out of this.

Of course, nothing is ever that easy. 

After he woke up, with Buck’s name on his lips but Ana’s hand in his, everything became a waiting game. 

He waited for Buck to show up at the hospital, out of breath but still so dazzling, his very presence making Eddie feel like he could run a marathon right then. 

He waited for them to finally be alone so they could talk, but only got through telling him about the guardianship before Buck got a text from Taylor that made him smile so softly the rest of Eddie’s speech died in his throat. 

He waited to break it off with Ana long enough that he didn’t seem like a jackass, waited as Buck and Taylor flew higher and higher before crashing, waited for days and weeks and months, waited, waited, waited. 

But it didn’t hurt. All that time, it wasn’t excruciating, it didn't feel like a waste, because he knew from the minute he woke up that he was waiting for something. He could feel the anticipation burning up inside him, and it wasn’t going to be for nothing this time. 

Finally, finally, just as naturally as they had fallen into each other’s lives the first time, they fell together again — in the dim light of Eddie’s kitchen, empty beer bottles and raw, unfiltered words between them, reliving the day they hadn’t been able to talk to each other about for the past nine months. Eddie’s hands shook and Buck took them in his and Eddie knew this was his moment. 

He looked Buck dead in the eye and said, “You’re the reason I’m sitting here right now, and I’m in love with you.”

The evening air crackled in the silence, and neither of them moved. Eddie was pretty sure even his blood had stopped flowing as he waited, until suddenly everything snapped. 

Suddenly they were both leaning in, suddenly they were kissing and whispering I love yous soft and desperate across each other’s skin.

Suddenly everything began.

He shakes his head a bit as he comes back to the present. Buck doesn’t say anything this time, just smiles and kisses the center of Eddie’s palm where it’s still resting on his cheek, tangles their fingers together again before placing them back on Eddie’s chest. 

“You saved me too, you know,” Buck says quietly. “I wasn’t the one who got shot, but still, you did. You always do.”

“Always will,” Eddie says, because it’s true, and the easiest promise he’s ever made. Buck is his hope, his light in the dark, every other cheesy cliche, and Eddie will work for the rest of his life to make sure Buck feels safe and loved. It’s the least he could do for all that Buck has given him.

They lapse back into quiet, enjoying the sounds of the park and their family, and Eddie feels something he's been too afraid to name until now, a holdout from years of guarding himself.

He’s happy. Truly, with no caveats or strings attached, unbelievably happy. 

[readinginthereadyroom]

let’s talk about 9-1-1 buddie headcanons:

- eddie gets rid of his truck. christopher is getting older and wants more independence so he gets something with better clearance. and I’ve decided that something is a dodge durango. eddie is actually really into it. can’t stop talking about the fold down seats and towing capabilities. buck teases him and calls it his soccer mom van. then immediately starts researching CP-friendly soccer leagues for chris.

- buck strikes me as a podcast kinda guy. I feel like a lot of his random facts probably start with information learned via podcast and then researched separately on google or wikipedia. 

- luddite eddie my beloved. but not like luddite luddite. eddie’s a millennial so I see him as okay with all the 20th century technology he grew up with and just not all the newfangled smart home/internet gaming stuff. 

- abuela gives eddie an old turntable and a box of records and he falls in love with it. likes to play spanish love songs while cleaning on the weekends.

- eddie breaks up with ana. he does it quietly and cordially a couple weeks after the sniper incident.

- buck and taylor date for a little while but never really take off. and it’s super important that it’s buck who makes the decision to break up. they both have very busy lives and different priorities. and taylor acknowledges she probably shouldn’t have kissed him in the first place. she just hated to see buck so broken and wanted to comfort him. they decide they are better as friends.

- bosko and eddie friendship rights! eddie actually apologizes to her and they become gym buddies. lena stops going to the junkyard fights and finds an MMA gym that she’ll take eddie to. during the pandemic they somehow find themselves doing socially distanced tai-chi in the park. they keep it up once the gyms reopen.

- side note: lena does in fact get a cat. he’s a huge floofy maine coon named sarge who absolutely adores eddie. rubs his head all over him and immediately worms his way into his lap when eddie visits. he hisses at buck tho and lena finds it endlessly hilarious.

- demisexual eddie! I like the idea of lena no-nonsense asking eddie if he’s ace one day and eddie just having an internal panic attack but not being able to figure out why. karen gently brings it up few months later and he’s just deny deny deny. then he overhears david telling michael that he gives off ace vibes and that’s the last straw. so eddie pulls a full buck and starts researching just to prove everyone wrong. except it’s like a lightbulb clicks on and yeah. maybe there’s something to this.

- eddie and karen have a book club every other week. usually novellas or a short story collection. queer theory and literary fiction. the occasional poetry book. at some point they invite david to join them. they also have a not-so-secret romance novel exchange because they are big saps.

- eddie is also a sucker for a really good cup of black coffee. has a favorite hole-in-the-wall cafe where he buys beans in bulk. buck calls it his diesel fuel drink and grimaces at the taste. he prefers simple oatmilk latte from the place near the station. and yet buck always seems to know what days eddie will be running late and rushing to work and has a cup from said hole-in-the-wall coffee waiting. despite it not being on buck’s route. 

- christopher loves buck’s loft. buck keeps a stash of toys and coloring books in his coffee table trunk for when he visits. chris sees the stairs as a fun challenge and will often ask to go up and sit on buck’s bed to watch the city. or sit on the patio while buck bbq’s dinner for the three of them. he thinks it’s the coolest house ever.

- buck actually rides his bike. it’s not just for show. especially after the pandemic hit. he likes to go out in the mornings. drives to a nearby trail on his days off and enjoys the scenery while the sun comes up. sometimes eddie and chris meet him there after his ride and they have a breakfast picnic.

- the diaz-buckley-han’s share one netflix account. it’s technically buck’s in that he pays for it, but when maddie moved to LA he set her up with her own profile. then logged into his account at eddie’s one day and never logged out. renamed the profile buck & eddie after he setup a kid’s profile specifically for chris. then after learning about maddie and chim’s not-dating buff-fridays, buck put both their names on her profile as a prank. and then it just stayed that way. jee-yun even has a profile despite being a literal infant that doesn’t watch tv. maddie cried when she saw it.

- buck takes the legal guardianship thing very seriously. he’s already really involved in essentially co-parenting chris but he starts getting really nervous about asking invasive questions about chris’ medical history. so eddie sits him down with chris and the three of them talk about it. eddie very specifically asks chris if he’s okay with sharing that kind of info with buck. because even tho christopher’s a kid eddie always wants him to have a say in his own health decisions. then he has a more in-depth convo with just buck about insurance and bills and doctor’s visits. makes sure buck has access to all of it. 

- chris played secret matchmaker. went to his old friend santa claus and asked if buck would stay forever. santa came thru, as always.

- also carla knows. buck starts spending more nights at the diaz house and one morning she lets herself in and sees buck coming out of eddie’s room in just a pair of sweatpants. she gives him a coy eyebrow raise and buck blushes. then she just laughs, pats his cheek affectionately, and says your secret’s safe with me buckaroo. when a bleary-eyed eddie wanders out a half hour later she pushes a cup of coffee into his hands, waits a few moments, looks eddie dead in the eyes, and points at buck. I see you took my advice. eddie chokes on his coffee.

- speaking of carla she is family. she and her husband are regular guests at the 118 get-togethers, holidays at the firehouse, and family meals. she occasionally takes on other clients, but she’s mostly exclusive to the diazes these days. esp as christopher gets older and wants more independence. she’s been around since he was 7 and he’s comfortable with her. she stays his home heath care aide until she retires. then she personally vets a new one. because not just anyone will do for her boy. they throw her a huge retirement party.

- gonna jump into the future because christopher absolutely names his daughter carla shannon buckley-diaz. there isn’t a dry eye in the house.

- and I don’t actually see chris calling buck pops or anything. he’s just his buck. tho I can see eddie asking christopher if he wants to hyphenate his last name when buck officially adopts him. buck’s his hero so chris is 100% onboard. 

- buck and eddie don’t have more kids. eddie never wanted more and buck is surrounded by the ever-expanding horde of firefam kids. they love their little trio.

- also eddie is hilariously terrible with other kids. he just. doesn’t know how to talk to them. he’s literally the best father ever with christopher, but any other kid and he’s all awkward hello small human. it’s also the reason the team sends buck to handle kid rescues. he knows how to speak to kids and they light up around his sunshine energy. but then there are certain kids who just glom onto eddie. usually the quiet ones. they find something about his calm dad presence very soothing so they just cling to him until buck can coax them around. 

- I do not see the buckley-diazes getting a pet. buck and eddie work long shifts and it’s not fair to put that kind of extra responsibility on carla when her job is to care for chris. however, as chris gets older he does get a mobility service dog to help with counterbalance. she’s a golden retriever named stella and she’s a very good girl. 

- buck proposes by accident. they’re at the park with christopher and marriage just sorta comes up during one of his infodumps. eddie is eating his sandwich, nodding along, and just casually says of course I want to marry you. buck stops talking. christopher giggles. eddie panics. but when he looks at buck he’s all puppy-eyed and hopeful. you do? eddie nods. chris chimes in with a stage whispered ask properly buck and say yes dad. so they do.

[libraryofloveletters]

Misplaced Promises

Eddie Diaz x Sister!Reader

Warnings: sibling arguing, general protectiveness, a few swear words and that’s it I think ? 

Category: angst/fluff

Word Count: 3.6k

Author’s Note: This one mostly focuses how Eddie tries his best to keep promises he makes and be a good brother but he keeps fucking up. I also tried my best for this to follow a timeline and make it make sense with canon but idk, I made shit up go with it. // 

---- 

14 years old // 19 years old. 

The 2 of you were 5 years apart but you were attached at the hip. Eddie was your big brother, the guy you looked up to the most, the person you went to when you didn’t know what to do. You had 2 sisters but what you and Eddie had was different. Sophia and Adriana were the two older ones, they stuck together and they included you but it wasn't the same. 

The day before Eddie announced that he enlisted, he had been quiet, shifty and weird all day. He avoided you at all costs. You needed him to look over a project for you - seeing that you ended up with the same English teacher he had in high school but he kept coming up with excuses as to why he couldn't help you. 

“Running to the store to pick up something for mom, I'll check when I get back” 

“Going to play some ball with the guys, remind me when I get back” 

“Gonna shower, I'll do it after” 

“Let me go see Shan for a bit, I'll check it when I come home” 

Excuse after excuse, he was up to something and knew you would be able to tell so he ignored you at all costs. The next morning at breakfast, he announced that he was enlisting, Shannon was at breakfast too and she didn’t seem shocked at all. 

Your father asked him why, your mother began crying and your sisters wished him good luck and hoped that he would be safe. You on the other hand, had your eyes glued to Shannon. 

“You knew?” your question directed straight at her. 

She nodded, “he told me last night” 

“Huh,” you scoff, getting up. “you told her before you told us ?” looking towards your brother. 

“y/n, don’t” his look pleading you not to start and you didn’t, simply walking away and going to your bedroom. You can hear bits of the conversation from your room, Eddie telling your parents that he’s only going to do one tour just until he finds what he really wants to do. 

It was a while before someone came looking for you and no surprise, it was Eddie. 

“Can I check the paper for you now?” he sticks his head in from the doorway, waiting for your answer- his way of hoping that you’d talk to him. 

“Sure” nodding toward the computer on the desk. Eddie made himself comfortable in the chair and began going over the paper. The keyboard clicking as he edited the paper and your sighing were the only sounds to be heard. 

Everyone had been dealing with the news differently. Your father had turned to whatever project he was building in the backyard, your mother had stepped out- probably to go to the store to get stuff to make one last proper meal for him before he left and your sisters seemed to be handling it well, you could hear them bickering in the hallway over who would get his room as they passed by. 

It’s not that they didn’t love him, they just had a different version of the world and of love. 

The whole family did.  

Sophia and Adriana were the first two, all the love and support of your parents was what they basked in. 

Eddie was the only boy, automatically gaining him an in as a mama’s boy and his father’s only son, someone to show off- he was their pride and joy. 

That left you, not that they loved you any less because they ‘love all their children the same’ but you never got the parental love and affection that your siblings did. Your parents were busy working and now that you were in high school and capable of looking after yourself, you saw them even less. Eddie had always been there, at the recitals, school concerts, whenever you learnt a new trick and was looking for someone to show, he was there. 

In some way, Eddie raised you more than your parents did. 

That’s why you couldn’t wrap your head around it. 

“Couldn't just find a job here like every other lost kid after high school ? You had to go sign up to get yourself killed?” sitting up, you look towards him. 

Eddie sighed, leaning back into the chair and looking at you. He looked sad, almost hurt. “I didn’t ‘sign up to get myself killed’” he tells you, “I can’t sit around watching Soph and Adriana get their lives together meanwhile I'm still living with mom and dad and I have no idea what to do” 

“So what? you take a little longer to get your life together, that’s not the end of the world.” 

“I’m supposed to know what I want to do, I've been out of high school for a year and a half. Most people have already moved out of their parents’ houses” 

“God you’re so stupid” you groan, falling back onto the bed.

“Excuse me?” he looks at you, obviously offended. You get up off the end, pacing the room for a moment, trying to gather your thoughts. 

“Just because you’re lost doesn't mean you sign up for the fricking army! Eddie, you could die” your voice breaks at the end of the sentence. Then and only then did Eddie really see how upset you were, you really thought he could die- yes there was that possibility but he knew that when he signed up. He gets up off the chair, you were now facing the window, not wanting him to see the tears that were forming. His hand resting gently on your shoulder. 

“I’m not gonna die” he whispers, pulling your shoulder towards him which caused you to turn. “You better not, I'll kill you” 

“But I'll be de-” “shut up” you give him a look, he chuckles and pulls you in for a hug. “I promise I'll come home, who else is going to keep you in check?” he teased which earned him a smack to the side, “more like who’s gonna keep you in check” you rebutted, a smile on your face now. Eddie kissed the top of your head, his cheek now resting atop of head - abuela’s words ringing in his head. 

“Don’t make promises you can't keep Edmundo” 

She had scolded him for promising to give his sister her candy back after he knew he was going to eat it (and he did, but that’s besides the point) 

He promised to come home but he didn’t know if he would. 

--

17 years old // 22 years old 

“We’re having a baby!” Eddie’s arm around Shannon as they announce the second piece of exciting news for that evening to the family.

Eddie had finally returned from his first tour with the announcement that he and Shannon were getting married all while they were expecting as well. Your parents were the first up to go congratulate the love birds, your sisters are next and you follow last. Hugging Shannon who was already beaming with happiness and then your brother who hugs you for a second longer than needed, whispering that he wants to talk to you afterwards. Humming, you step back and go to help your mother set up for dinner. 

The rest of the evening is spent talking about when the baby is arriving, the plans for the wedding and whatever other exciting things are happening for them at that moment. You tuned out about halfway through the conversation, only replying with the simplest answers to make it seem like you were actually listening. 

Your sisters, mother and Shannon were in the kitchen all gossiping and making plans for the wedding. A big church wedding, ‘do it right’ as your mother would say because ‘if you do it right the first time, you don’t need to do it again.’

The whole big wedding thing was a scam- a pile of bullshit that you wanted no part of. Don’t let that fool you, you were beyond happy for your brother, becoming a husband and a father- those were things the two of you used to joke about, thinking that it was such a long time from then yet here you are. 

The door slammed as it shut, Eddie sitting beside you on the porch. He set a bottle on the step beside you. You glance at the bottle and then at him, brows furrowed. 

“Thought you could use a drink after all the exciting news” he hums, taking a sip out of his own bottle. 

You let out a dry chuckle, taking a sip yourself. “Yeah, congrats dude. Husband and baby daddy in one go ? You got the guys around here beat” jokingly nudging him with your shoulder. Eddie laughs, “yeah.” the word kind of trailed off, there was more to the answer than he was letting on. 

“What's wrong ?” 

“Are you really happy for me ?” he turns to you, “I know you weren't exactly happy when I left, especially that I told Shannon first. I just.. you’re my little sister and it means so much that you’re on board with everything-” your hand rests on his. 

“You always were kind of an idiot huh?” you pat his hand, Eddie looking clearly offended again. “Of course I'm happy for you. You’re my brother and no matter how much we fight, there’s no way I wouldn't be there for you. Eddie, you’re going to be an amazing dad, you know that right ?” 

“Yeah ? You think so ?” 

“Mhm hm, know how I know?” 

“Do tell” 

“Because you raised me and I turned out just fine” you smiled and so did Eddie, shaking his head. 

--

23 years old // 28 years old 

Eddie’s place was covered in boxes, the fight with your parents was the last button to be pushed. He packed up the remnants of his life in El Paso and was on his way out to the door.  

Christopher was sitting on the couch, his favourite show on tv as you were packing up the last of the dishes in the kitchen. Eddie had just stepped back in after taking some boxes out to the truck. You leant against the counter, looking at him. He knew you weren't the biggest fan of his plan but you supported him nonetheless because that’s what siblings do. 

“What? Why do you keep staring ?” he snapped. 

“Jesus, who pissed in your coffee?” rolling your eyes at your brother.  

“Sorry, I'm just ready to get out of here” he tosses a few things into a box. There had been unspoken words between the two of you since he mentioned that he wanted to move. You didn’t say anything, just listened and helped pack boxes but all of that stops now. 

“Are you sure this is the smartest thing?” 

“What do you mean?” he stops what he was doing and turns his attention to you. 

“I know mom and dad were in the wrong for asking- telling you that Chris should move in with them, that’s bullshit. He’s not their kid, he’s your kid but why are you running Eddie ? You have family there besides them, Sophia and Adriana and me. I’m here Eddie, I've always been here, helping you with Chris since Shannon left.” 

“That’s exactly the point, Shannon left. She upped and left us y/n, left me to raise Chris by myself.” 

“So did you.” you tell him what you had been waiting to tell him since Christoper was a baby. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” the anger visible on his face. 

“You left. You upped and left Shannon when she needed you the most, she needed a partner that was here and not thousands of miles away. She just had a baby- your baby and you left her to go to the fucking desert! you risked your life for what ?! you had a family Eddie! You promised just one tour but you just had to go back, you had a family that needed you!” 

“Exactly! I had a family that needed me! That’s why I left, I had to provide for them.” 

“Don’t give me that shit. You wanna know why mom and dad walk all over you when it comes to raising Chris ? Because you left! You fucking left when the mother of your child, your wife and your child needed you! He needed a father and you left Eddie! Do you know what that does to a child?!” 

“Don’t tell me how to raise my child and you sure as hell don't get a say in where my marriage went wrong!” the two of you stood in the kitchen shouting at each other. 

The things you said were nothing but what you felt was the truth - he did leave Shannon after she had Chris, when she needed him to be there. You weren't siding with her but you weren't picking up for him either- someone had to let him straight and your parents would never dare say the things you would say to him. Although they didn’t like his approach to raising Christoper, they would never say that because Eddie was their son. They much rather half ass suggest things and beat around the bush than tell Eddie straight what they felt. 

The rest of the night was quiet, nothing left to be said between the two of you. Tucking Chris into bed one last time before they leave, you spend the night because you promised Chris you’d be there when they left. 

The morning comes and Eddie is quiet, no surprise there. Chris is attached to your hip and the 2 of you stood outside the house, saying goodbye. You crouch down in front of your nephew, “will you come visit?” he asks you sweetly, your heart breaks a little knowing that you won’t be visiting anytime soon but you put on a smile for him. “Of course, only if we stay up late and eat all the candy we can find” you tickle his side, earning a full belly laugh- your favourite sound. 

“I love you always, you know that right ?” you look up at the little boy who's nodding. “I love you” he smiles, his finger tapping your nose, yours comes up to mirror his action. 

“Okay, give me a big hug and you be good for your dad, he’s a good guy. He just bugs out sometimes” you hug Christoper, his arms wrapped around your neck as you pick him up, carrying him to the trunk. 

Eddie comes out just as you’re putting Chris in. He hands you the keys to the house as he checks to make sure Chris is buckled in properly. 

The two of you standing there awkwardly before Eddie mumbles bye and walks around the truck. Stepping back, you watch as they pull you, Christoper waving to you from the window. 

--

25 years old // 30 years old

El Paso had treated you well, growing up there and going to school but you needed a change now. Applying to teaching jobs all over the country, you hear back from two- one is Minnesota and one in LA but you couldn't handle the cold so LA it was. 

The staff at the school were sweet and welcoming, you had arrived just in time for the new school year. The woman at the front desk was asking you some standard questions when she came across your name on the form.

“Miss, is it l/n or Diaz for your last name ? You have both listed here” she looks to you for an answer. You stared at the paper in front of you- l/n was your mother’s last name and Diaz was your father’s. All your legal documents had Diaz on it but you weren’t sure if you wanted to go by it or not, maybe make something for yourself with the Diaz family name attached to you.

“Miss ?” She asked again, looking at you.

“Diaz. Y/n Diaz is fine” 

Classes start and you’re getting settled in nicely, there’s still some shuffling around in terms of students and you get a finalized class list at the end of the week. Not really looking over it, you set it on the desk until the next morning when you say hello to your new class.

You begin writing your name on the board as the children set in.  

Ms. Diaz in big bold letters. 

“Hey! We have the same last name!” a little boy calls out- voice almost identical to your Chris’ voice. 

Turning, there he was sitting n the middle of the class, your nephew Christopher - except no one knows he’s your nephew nor did he seem to remember that you were his aunt. 5 years without a phone call or a visit is a long time, you wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't remember you and he doesn’t. You treat him as you would treat the rest of your students. 

The end of the day rolls around, Chris is the last student waiting with you. It was getting a bit chilly so the two of you headed into the classroom. Christoper tells you about his dad- unknowing to him that Eddie is your brother and talks about how he’s a firefighter and all the cool things he got to do when he visited the station. 

A blonde man, tall and built in stature comes running into your classroom. “Chris! Buddy!” he heads over to the boy, giving him a hug. “Buck!” the boy smiles, returning the gesture. It was obvious that he knew Chris, the man noticed you watching them. 

“Hi, I'm Ms. Diaz, y/n. Christopher’s teacher” you introduce yourself. The man smiles, “I'm Buck, I work with Christopher’s dad” 

“He sent you to pick up Chris ?” 

“Oh no, he's parking, I just came in to find him because we didn’t see anyone outside. Sorry about that, work ran late” he apologizes. 

“No worries, Chris is a great kid. oh buddy, I was supposed to give you a sticker for your work today hold on” you leave Chris and Buck by the door as you go back to your desk, looking for a sticker sheet. When you returned, Eddie was there with Buck, both men had their backs turned to you. 

“Yeah! She has the same last name as us dad, there is she” the boy smiled, waving at you. “Ms. Diaz!” he shouts as you make your way over. You don't look at the men instead you step past them, crouching down in front of Chris showing him the sticker sheet. 

“Which one would you like?” showing him the sheet, Christopher picks out a little green star with a smiley face on it. Peeling it from the sheet, you stick it on his shirt. 

“Can dad and Buck have matching ones too ?” he asks sweetly and who were you to turn down such a cute face.

“Of course,” smiling at him, you stand and turn to Buck. “Can I ?” he nods, watching as you repeat the process and stick the green star to his shirt. 

When it comes Eddie’s turn, you can feel Buck’s eyes on you and you see him move to Eddie as well. As for Eddie himself, his eyes were wide, he hadn't spoken to you in almost 5 years and his parents refused to tell him anything other than ‘she’s fine’ when he asked. You didn’t ask him, you just stuck the sticker on him, on his forehead to be exact. 

Eddie pulled you in for a hug, a well needed yet weird one. Buck and Chris are whispering behind the two of you. 

“I’m sorry” Eddie whispers, his arms still around you. 

“I’m the one that said all that shit” you tell him, he shakes his head and lets you go. 

“You were right. I’m sorry. I know sorry isn't going to fix it but you’re here and I- I just wanna fix things. I miss my sister and I know Chris misses his aunt” 

“Yeah, you’re an ass but you’re still my brother. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try” 

Buck goes “oh” behind you, you’re now standing beside Eddie- arms folded and brows furrowed, the same expression on both of you. 

“Yeah, I see it now” Buck mumbles, “I’m starving, what’s for dinner ?” he asks, him and Chris walking towards the door together.

 You and Eddie follow them out, “why don't you join us for dinner ?” Eddie turns to you, you give him a look. “I can’t crash your time with your boyfriend, y’all are probably-” “my what ?” once again, Eddie had a stupid look on his face. 

“So you’re telling me that wonderful human ball of joy isn't your boyfriend ?” looking at your brother, the stupid look still on his face. 

“No, why would you think that ?” hearing the genuine confusion in his voice, you laugh. 

“No reason, but if you’re not gonna date him, I might.” Giving your brother a smile, his head tilts and a look you know all too well on his face. 

“Don’t” his finger pointed at you, you were now biting back a laugh. 

“Hey Buck!” you shout, running towards him, Eddie running behind you and shouting for you to stop. 

Things were going to fall back into place pretty easily. 

-----

taglist: @advicefromnixxxx @keenmarvellover​ @beth-winchester21​ @fernandaweasley2​ @yikesyikesyikes95​ @hotchsdarling​ @duhbar1975​@hailsstormthings @averyhotchner​ @captainxholmes​ 

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞

Okay so since ❄️ is finished I'm gonna replace it with ⚡️ since I REALLY need to finish that chapter. Enjoy!

48 for 🔼:

---

“And if it takes Buck with him…” Chim says.

“We might never find him,” Hen finishes. 

Bobby grits his teeth. “Then let’s pick up the damn pace.”

🔼

Buck bangs on the side of the metal walls of his makeshift prison.

“HELP!” He screams. “HELP! HELP ME!”

He feels sort of pathetic, if he’s being honest. He’s supposed to be able to help himself. And honestly? Usually he can. He spent years on the road, bouncing from place to place, with only himself to rely on. But here he is, for the second time this year, trapped and helpless. Except last time, his team was there. This time…

He’s on his own. 

“HELP! I’M HERE!”

This is probably useless. 

He should probably give up. 

Except, then he starts spiraling about giving up, a little. Because, what if he dies? What if he actually just dies out here? From his perspective, he’s just dead. But what about Shannon and Chris? They’d be, like, kind of traumatized, right? If he died immediately after helping them. And Eddie! Eddie would feel bad. Eddie made him leave the house. Then there’s Maddie. She’d be pretty bummed to lose her only sibling. She was pretty pissed when he had the damn embolism. So that’s, like, at least four reasons not to stop trying. 

Buck has to survive. God, what a chore.

He keeps banging on the side of the metal.

“HELP! I’M TRAPPED!”

And then something strange happens. Something that makes him sort of feel hopeful, but in a cautious way. Like, the hope could also be dread very quickly. 

The water levels start to decrease. 

It’s not sudden. Not a huge, swirling drain. 

---

48 for 🧟‍♀️:

---

“They were firefighters?” Athena asks. 

Chim nods and points at the ground below. “He was my old captain.”

“The racist piece of shit?” Hen asks.

“The very same,” Chim confirms. 

“They came here to take our kids,” Hen says. 

“What?” Bobby demands. 

“They wanted child soldiers,” Athena adds. “To train up for some new world order.”

“Oh my god,” Karen exhales heavily. 

“What’s worse?” Athena adds. “I think there’s probably more of them where these two came from.”

▪️▪️▪️

There are three possibilities. 

First - the best option - Sal and Gerrard, as Chim says he was called, are anomalies. Two batshit individuals who thought they were starting something. Delusions of grandeur. Meaning, the threat is over. Possible? Yes. Likely? No. 

Second - slightly better - they’re not alone, but their ranks are small. Maybe this was a real body blow to them. Whoever they are. Maybe the loss of two of their men will be enough to deter them from trying anything. At least for a while. Maybe the library will be seen as strong. Not to be trifled with. 

Third - and this is the worst option - all this will do is piss off a heavily armed group of ambitious men. Not a great position to be in. Especially considering the two automatic weapons their dead members carried with them. 

They can’t ignore the possibility that the latter option is the truth. They have no way of knowing for sure, so they have to operate under the worst case scenario. That’s how you’re prepared enough to survive. As brutal as it is.

Athena and Hen clean themselves of Sal’s blood while the others get to work preparing for option three. They hide the evidence of children that’s visible from the outside of the building. They go through their intruders’ things. Guns. Ammos. Knives. Bindings. Gags. Anything they can keep and repurpose, they do. The rest, they leave in the Hummer. 

---

15 for ⚡️:

---

Eddie’s not entirely sure what to do. He’s not up for a lot, to be honest. Moving and work in what has felt like an endless rotation these past two weeks has left him sore and tired. But he wants to make a good day of it. Just the two of them. 

“Is there anything you want to do today?” Eddie asks Chris. “We could say goodbye to the house? It’s our last day with it.”

“Say goodbye to the house?” Chris asks. “What would we even do? Wave?”

Alright. Sass.

---

15 for 🪞:

---

 “It hurt. It hurt seeing other mothers with their babies when I wasn’t with mine. When… I don’t know. When I guess I didn’t trust I ever would be again, in a permanent way.”

Chim crosses the kitchen to give her a hug and a kiss on her temple. 

“That was never going to happen,” he tells her.

“I know that now,” Maddie says. “And I know that Eddie will get Christopher back, too. But maybe he’s in more pain than he’s saying. And maybe he thought he could be there for you and Dove, but when faced with it, it’s too much.”

Buck sighs. “Yeah, that… That makes sense.”

“Damn,” Chim mutters. 

[buckleysjareau]

you feel like the perfect escape now

"In the symbolic language of jewels, a sapphire in a wedding ring means marital happiness."

or

Eddie planning his proposal with the help of Hen and Karen. Featuring good ol' Buck and Chimney banter, soft and in love boyfriends, and tooth rotting fluff.

part two of three in my series ‘cause i’m not too far and you’re my favorite place on ao3

Eddie Diaz was never the type of guy to actually think about marriage. He’ll sound horrible saying it, but he didn’t really think about his marriage to Shannon. He loved her, he’s loved her since their third date when they were caught in the rain and instead of freaking out, she grabbed Eddie’s hand, dragged him out from the shelter and spun them around, head falling back in happy, care-free laughter. He loved her when she told him, with tears in her eyes, that she was pregnant. He loved her as she walked down the aisle with a grin on her face, carelessly happy. He loved her when she gave birth to their world.

But he never thought about it as it happened. When she’d told him she was pregnant, after he got over the initial excitement, his first thought was oh, we should probably get married now. Before that, it never occurred to him that he would ever marry Shannon, even though he loved her.

It was different with Buck.

Realizing he wants to marry Buck, not because he should but because it’s the only thing he can think of when he goes to sleep at night and when he wakes in the morning. He realizes the difference in the thought when it comes to planning his proposal to Buck and how he treated Shannon’s proposal.

He loved Shannon, but he was never in love with her. The thought sends an uncomfortable amount of guilt through him, but he hears Buck’s voice in his ear saying, you can’t help who you fall in love with.

Not exactly what he meant when he said it but it helped Eddie shake a lot of the guilt.

He was wholeheartedly, one-hundred percent, completely, utterly and stupidly in love with Evan Buckley.

The second it struck him how much he not just wanted, but needed to marry Buck, he couldn’t wait a second longer to start planning it. 

The first thing he has to do before he even starts planning anything, though, is ask Christopher if he would be okay with him marrying Buck. He knows his kid loved Buck more than life, but sometimes he’s scared that Chris will think that if he marries him, he’ll be replacing Shannon.

When it happens that Buck and his schedules don’t line up, he takes Christopher to lunch at his favorite place and asks. 

“Christopher, can I ask you a really important question?”

He giggles when his son looks up from his triple chocolate pancakes with whipped cream and chocolate already covering his mouth. “What is it, dad?”

“Abuela’s gonna kill me for letting you order all of this sugar.” He shakes his head as he smiles before he clears his throat. “You know how before Buck and I got together, I asked what you’d think about it?”

“I said I loved my Buck and got really excited.”

“That’s right! Well, Christopher, how would you feel if I asked your Buck to marry me?”

Chris’ smile grows immediately. “You’re gonna marry Bucky?”

“If that’s alright with you.” He smirks.

“Yes! Yes!” 

His heart soars. He was really going to ask Evan Buckley to marry him. 

After he texts Hen for her help and the twenty texts he receives of her freaking out in the language of keyboard smash, he tries to plan it. Keyword: tries.

From Hen;

Alright, alright diaz-buckley, how do you plan to do this

To Hen;

I have no clue!!! That’s why i asked for your help to research and what not. I’m not Buck, i’m not good at research or whatever

Also

*future diaz-buckley, we’re not married YET

From Hen;

boy... you’re in love in love huh

Your boy is sitting right across from me 

*photo attachment*

What’s he smiling at eddie?

To Hen;

Probably dog videos 

Now helllllppppppppppppp

From Hen;

You were right. A golden retriever looking at videos of golden retrievers

Patient, diaz! 

Got a call, we’ll talk later

To Hen;

Tell buck to be careful!

You too obviously

bu t you know what I mean 

He doesn’t know why he thought he could get anything done regarding the proposal through text. That’s how Hen and him were, they had never been able to stay on one conversation at a time when texting. There was one time when Hen had asked him for a recipe Buck wouldn’t give her, followed by a text about a playdate with Denny, and a text asking his high score in Candy Crush. He responded to say he’d ask him and send it and continued the conversation. Talk of playdates turned into talks of weirdest calls, talk of high scores in Candy Crush turned to talk of modern technology and so on. By the time Hen stopped responding, presumably because Karen got home, Eddie realized he’d never given her the recipe. 

It was different in person, they could sit for hours and talk about the same thing. He cherishes any conversation with Hen, though. He cherishes their friendship so much. Next to Buck, Hen was his best friend. 

That’s why he couldn’t think to ask anyone better to help him plan the next step in his life with the man that he loves.

From Hen;

Heads up, your boys in a sour mood 

Dont worry though because ik you are!

Im sure a nice cuddle from his soon to be fiance will do the trick

To Hen;

Why shouldnt I worry? An hour ago you sent me pic of him smiling 

Now hes in a bad mood? Something happened

Hennnnnnnnn tell me what happppppennnnnneddddd

What was the call

im bored and worried 

From Buck; 

Can I stay the night? Ill bring wine and chinese <22222

<4444

To Buck;

You okay there babe? Haha

You never have to ask 

Or bribe me with food and alcohol

But i will accept it <3

From Buck;

You know i hate texting don’t judge me!

See you in 10 love love love you <3

Eddie’s worried. Buck practically lived at the Diaz’s, he never had to ask to stay the night and he knew that. All Hen had sent back was the shrug emoji so he was on his own to figure out why.

As promised, Buck walks in ten minutes later with two bags of chinese food and a bottle of white wine. He seemed tense, but when he sees Eddie in his presence, he can automatically see his whole body relax. 

“I hate when we’re not on shift together.” Buck says in lieu of a greeting. He places the wine and food on the coffee table in front of them before he plops down next to Eddie.

He leans into Eddie’s touch, instantly lying his head on Eddie’s chest and closes his eyes.

Eddie smiles down at his boyfriend, automatically moving to run a hand through his curls, wrapping the other arm around Buck’s chest. “Me too. I missed you today. So did Chris.”

“I missed you both like crazy today. I can’t wait to just cuddle up to you and fall asleep.” He mumbles. “You’re my world.”

Even after all of this time, Buck can still make Eddie blush like it’s nothing.

He presses his lips to Buck’s forehead. “And you’re mine.” 

It stays quiet after that until Eddie’s stomach growls, startling Buck into sitting upright in laughter. 

“I think it’s time to eat, huh?” 

“You’d be right.” 

Buck gets up and gets two wine glasses from the kitchen. The way in which Buck walks so comfortably around his home will never fail to bring a kaleidoscope of butterflies to his stomach. He knows where everything is and he knows how everything works and it feels empty when he’s not there. 

Eddie turns on the TV and picks a random station that’s playing reruns of a cop show he’d seen here and there. Eddie and Buck’s legs are interlaced and resting on the coffee table, food in their laps when things settle. The ease on Buck’s face makes him wonder why he was even worried in the first place.

They don’t talk as they eat their food and sip their wine. They just take in each other’s company as they watch what’s on in front of them, perfectly content in just being together. 

Buck’s phone rings from the coffee table. When he lets it ring through to voicemail without even looking at ID, Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Aren’t you the one who said you should answer every phone call because it might be important? Or are you just a clone of my boyfriend?”

Buck snorts. “I know it’s not important.”

It starts to ring again and Eddie sees Maddie’s name flash on the screen. “It sounds important.”

“I promise you it’s not.” 

Then she calls a third time and Buck groans. “Fine, fine. I’ll answer.” 

He doesn’t leave the room, doesn’t make any effort to grab his phone, just sits back and pouts as Eddie hands him his phone. 

He listens to Buck’s side of the conversation closely. He’s talking about not wanting to go somewhere because he doesn’t know if someone is going to be at that place and he doesn’t want to risk it. Hm.

“I was having a nice, relaxing night with Eddie before you called about something you knew the answer to, so if you’ll excuse me, I’d love to get back to that.” He throws his phone onto his lap after he hangs up, then smiles sheepishly. “Any chance you can ignore that?”

“If you don’t want to talk about it right now, that’s perfectly okay. But we do have to talk about it eventually. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you snap at Maddie, so something must have happened.”

Buck cuddles back into Eddie’s chest, revelling in his arm comfortably wrapped around his shoulders. “It’s really not a big deal, Eds. It’s just stupid.”

“Well, lucky for you, I like hearing everything you have to say. Even if it’s stupid.” 

“Did you just boop my nose?” 

“And what about it?”

All Eddie feels is the shaking from Buck’s giggling. “Shit, whoever decided I was good enough to have you in my life is someone I’d like to meet because...man, I love you.”

“Hi, nice to meet you.” Eddie smirks.

Buck hides his face in the nook of his neck. “Stop making me blush.”

“Never.”

It’s quiet again after that until Buck finally talks. “So, uh…”

“Yeah?”

“I got a wedding invitation in the mail today. It’s from my cousin, she’s getting married in Los Angeles so she invited Maddie and me. We get along just fine, always have, but I haven’t talked to her in a few years and now Maddie thinks it’s completely necessary to actually go to her wedding. I just don't know if I want to risk going and have them be there as well, you know?”

“Your parents?”

“Who else?”

“Well think about it this way. If the risk of seeing your parents again was out of the equation, would you want to go?”

Buck sighs. “Of course I would. It’d be nice to see her again and have a good time, but Eds… you know how my parents are.”

It’s true, he did know how his parents were. He remembers when they’d come to Los Angeles when they found out their first grandchild had been born. He remembers how tense Buck had been the entire time, how he let his parents walk all over him and tell him how big of a failure he was like it was a normal day to day conversation. He especially remembers yelling at Buck’s father after a particularly barbaric comment on Buck’s lifestyle. 

He knows why he’d want to avoid his parents, because Eddie would too. 

“Can you bring a plus one?”

“What?”

“Can you bring a plus one to the wedding?” He smiles when Buck nods. “Take me. If your parents are there, I’ll have your back. Plus, your cousin seems nice, I’d love to meet the family that’s not pretentious.”

Buck choked on the wine he’d taken a sip of. “You think Maddie’s pretentious?”

“Oh, yeah, definitely pretentious.” He jokes. “I mean your extended family. You’ve met mine.”

Buck sighs. “Whatever. I guess we’re going to a Buckley wedding. I really did want to see McKenna so you win.”

“I always do.” He grins before he connects his lips with Buck’s and giggles against it when his fingers press against the only ticklish part of his body.

“What? Did that tickle?” Buck gasps. “You said you weren’t ticklish!”

“I’m not!” 

“Mhm.” 

Then suddenly, the wedding worries were long forgotten, tickle war long taking its place. 

“Oooooooh, so you’re going to a wedding with him, huh?” Hen wiggles her eyebrows from where she stands across her kitchen. “That’s gonna be you one day.”

Eddie sighs exasperatedly. “Not if I have nothing planned. I wanna make this special, okay?”

Hen’s face softens. “Anything you do to propose will make it special, honey. You’re Buck’s world, a simple Marry me? would be the most romantic thing in the world to him.”

“Maybe so, but that’s how it was with Shannon. She was pregnant with Christopher so I thought the next logical step would be marriage, but this is different. Buck is different.”

“Alright, alright, let’s get to work, then.” She opens her laptop. “What are some of your favorite things about him?”

Eddie’s face erupts into a look of pure adoration at that question. “Oh, Henrietta, you have no idea what you just got yourself into, asking that. What are some of my favorite things about Evan Buckley? Let’s see… When he wakes up in the morning, he makes this cute little noise when he stretches and it makes my heart fill with joy. He loves Christopher like he’s his own and he never treats him differently. He just has so much knowledge about literally anything. Random facts upon random facts are stored in that beautiful brain of his and whenever he tells me one of these random facts, it’s suddenly the most important thing in the world. He’s so selfless, you know this. When we got together and I still wasn’t sure about being open about my sexuality, he put my fears above his own fear of telling you guys. He’s an amazing cook, so amazing I have a hard time believing that before he joined the one-eighteen the only thing he could cook was ramen. Even if he could still only cook ramen, I’d still love him, we’d just be living off of frozen food. I love the little family we’ve got going on now. I can go on for hours, but I won’t. Any of that help?” 

By the time he was done, Karen was home and trying her hardest not to tease the lovesick man.

“Oh, honey, you’ve got it bad.” Karen giggles. “Buck has it just bad, though.”

Hen clears her throat. “What’s something that’s specific to you and Buck? Christopher, too. You can always propose that way. Doing something and it’ll just come completely unexpected?”

The metaphorical light bulb over Eddie’s head flashes on. “I have it!”

It’s a Friday morning at the firehouse and Eddie finds himself next to Hen, looking over her shoulder as she helps him navigate what needs to be done to propose. 

His eyes travel up to meet his boyfriend’s as he walks up the stairs, and even though his smile is bright as he sees him, there’s bags under his eyes. The second his eyes land on Chimney though, he deflates and rolls his eyes. Chimney has a smug look and Eddie knows he definitely missed something.

“You can’t avoid me forever, Buckaroo.” 

Buck looks over to Hen and Eddie, making an exaggerated face of confusion. 

“Did you guys hear something?” 

Bobby laughs from where he’s at in the kitchen, Hen snorts, and Eddie is grinning, looking between the soon to be brother in laws.

“How mature of you, Evan.” Chimney rolls his eyes. “I just wanna talk about the wedding next week and he keeps rolling his eyes and running away. Eddie, make him stop.” 

Buck scoffs. “You’re sitting here whining and you’re calling me the immature one.” 

“I wouldn’t be whining if you just talk to me for once. I just want more information, who I’m gonna meet, if your parents are coming, c’mon give me something.”

“Alright.” Buck smirks. “For good luck, Egyptian women pinch the bride before the wedding.”

Chimney groans. “What?”

“Engagement and wedding rings are worn on the fourth fingers of the left hand because it was once thought that a vein in that finger leads directly to the heart.”

“That’s beautiful, but I wanna talk about the wedding next week.” Chimney whines.

Eddie is torn between wanting to laugh and being worried about his boyfriend. It’s obvious Chim doesn’t know that this is Buck’s classic mode of deflection, and Buck seems to know this. Eddie can tell Buck is just beginning, too. 

“Seventeen tons of gold are made into wedding rings each year in the United States.”

“Maddie says you would know more about the family that’s going to the wedding, so why won’t you just tell me?”

“Ancient Greeks and Romans thought the veil protected the bride from evil spirits. Brides have worn them ever since.”

Chimney turns to Eddie and Hen, arms out in exasperation, desperate. “Eddie!”

Eddie shrugs his shoulder. “If he doesn’t wanna talk about the wedding, don’t make him talk about the wedding. I’m not gonna make my f- my boyfriend do something he doesn’t want to do.” 

Buck’s too distracted in his minds’ files of facts on weddings to tell Chimney to hear him almost slip up, but Chimney’s got his eyebrow raised and he hears Hen snicker under her breath, nice one. 

Chimney eyes him suspiciously for a moment before he goes back to the problem at hand. “Maddie doesn’t know her cousin all that well, she’s more around Buck’s age, I just want to know what I should expect because I know how the Buckley’s are. Why can’t you just tell me something, man?”

“The most expensive wedding was Sheik Rashad Bin Al Maktoum’s son’s marriage to Princess Salama in Dubai in 1981. It was forty-four million dollars.”

“What about your cousin’s wedding?”

“In the symbolic language of jewels, a sapphire in a wedding ring means marital happiness.”

Before Chimney can ask once more, Eddie cuts in again. “He hasn’t seen anyone in his family in years, why would he know who’s going?”

“Thank you!” Buck sighs and drops next to Eddie, who shuts his laptop so fast it probably would have broken the screen. “I have plenty of more facts about weddings if you want to keep talking about the wedding, though.”

Chimney hears the message it is and sighs. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t like talking about your family. I’m just feeling a little anxious here, ya know?”

Buck sighs. “Me too, Chim. But if it helps you any, McKenna is not at all as pretentious and callous as my parents. That’s all I can and want to tell you about though, so please… Let it go.” 

Hen reaches over and places her hand on Buck’s in an attempt of comfort before her soft smile turns to a smirk. “So Buckaroo, why do you know so much about weddings?”

Eddie’s eyes go comically wide. 

“A little late night reading.” He shrugs. 

“Hm.” She turns to Eddie with a smirk when Bobby calls Buck over to help.

Eddie groans softly, resting his head on the cold wood of the dining table. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

Three days later, Eddie finds himself at a jewelry shop on Wilshire with Hen and Karen.

“I feel like all of these rings look the same.” He whines. 

“You’ve looked at four rings and this store is huge.” Hen rolls her eyes. “You’ll know when you’ve found the right ring, okay?”

“Will I?”

Karen snorts. “Yes, you will. Trust me, I went through this same thing when I was proposing to Hen. You’ll just know.”

So Eddie keeps looking. He’s completely indecisive as if it’s him that’s going to be wearing the ring, because Buck definitely wouldn’t care about a fancy ring or any ring at all, but Eddie needs it to be special. 

“How about this?” Karen calls from the other end of the store. When Eddie reaches her, she’s pointing at a black band, definitely something he can automatically picture on Buck’s hand. It still didn’t feel right to him, though. He says as much to Karen before he starts searching the glass case in front of them for more. 

He gasps as soon as he sees it. Hen was right about just knowing.

He calls over the jeweler and asks to see it. The second he’s holding it in between his fingers, he can see himself getting down on one knee. He can see it on Buck’s ring finger, shining brightly to everyone Buck proudly shows it to. It’s definitely the ring.

“This is it.” He grins, looking side to side at the women standing next to him and then smiles at the jeweler. 

Karen and Hen squeal loudly. “What is it about this ring, Diaz-Buckley?” 

“In the symbolic language of jewels, a sapphire in a wedding ring means marital happiness.”