#eli doesnt write sometimes

[eli-writes-sometimes]

GUESS WHO JUST WON ITS FIRST NANO!!!!

HINT ITS GOT TWO SHAKING HANDS AND IS CALLED ELI

[josswritessometimes]

@writersmonth Prompt: Day 31 - Fall

Fandom: Teen Wolf | Sterek WC: 1k

AO3

XXXI. Fall | Piles of Leaves

“Eli, please don’t…” Derek started, as soon as he saw the mischief in his son’s eyes when they passed a considerable pile of leaves on their walk through the preserve. He interrupted himself the moment he noticed his husband had already jumped on it, dry leaves flying all around Derek’s feet. He let out a sigh and counted to ten, giving himself a little space to calm himself before facing his husband again. Who was now making a leaf angel while Eli tried to do a belly flop on the leaves, landing half on Stiles instead. Derek was thankful for that, both because it broke his son’s fall before he landed on the ground, and because of the way it had left Stiles slightly gasping for breath. ��Having fun, you too?” He asked, gently prying Eli off of Stiles so his husband could get some air, instead of Eli’s bony elbows to his stomach. 

“Yeah, it’s Fall, Derek! The best time of the year. Get in here!” Stiles said excitedly, throwing a bunch of leaves at Derek’s face, and taking Eli from his arms to set him on the pile of leaves next to him. “Make an angel with me, munchkin!” Stiles said excitedly, showing Eli how to make an angel on the floor. Derek simply watched as both his husband and son covered themselves in mud and dirt, finally allowing himself to laugh. He could really do without the mess, but he knew what he was getting into the moment he met Stiles. 

“I’m okay over here.” Derek said, stepping back to allow Stiles’ long legs to move more freely.

“Oh, come on! You are wolf. Be one with nature and all that.” 

“Papa a wolf?” Eli asked, trying his best to get back on his feet, but landing twice on his butt before Stiles could stop laughing enough to help him to his feet.

“Yes, Papa’s a wolf but it’s a secret, honey, remember?” Stiles said, placing a finger against Eli’s lips. Eli nodded hard enough that Derek kneeled next to him to hold his head.

“Secrets are for Pack only, aren’t they, son?” Derek coaxed, and Eli nodded again, but now that Derek’s hand was mostly holding him in place it was a lot less violent. 

“Eli!” Stiles called, and the boy immediately turned to him. “On three?” And Derek felt he had missed a full conversation. Until Stiles suddenly yelled three, and both Stiles and Eli grabbed his arms and pulled him until he landed on the leaves with them. 

“Don’t you love Fall?” Stiles asked, as Eli grabbed handfuls of leaves from around and used them to try and cover Stiles up, who simply allowed it to happen.

“It’s not specifically Fall I love.” Derek answered with a smile. 

“Oh, look at you being all romantic. I’m glad. Eli’s going to need a shower and he’s still terrified of them since that time he saw Malia trying to take one when she fell on the mud puddle and he thought she was a monster. “

“Stiles, you told him she was.”

“She looked like one! I didn’t think he would believe me. Also, she was coming out of the shower, I don’t know why he thinks the monster lives inside the shower.”

“Stiles, again, our son is three years old. He believes everything you tell him.”

“I’ve to teach him critical thinking.” Stiles decided, intertwining his fingers on top of his chest and coming up with different ideas.

“Again, Stiles, he’s three.”

“And he’s ours. He’s smart. And much too trusting. He believes everything Jackson tells him. The other day, he was looking for the Tooth Fairy.” Derek barked a laugh at that.

“You know, I actually think I trust Jackson the most with telling Eli all kinds of things.” 

“Yeah, Scott tried to convince him that pizza is made out of broccoli so he could eat the last slice.” 

“You did not let our son be fooled out of pizza.” Derek said incredulously, turning to look at his husband, who was now mostly covered in twigs and dirt.

“Of course not.” Stiles snorted, upsetting a few of the leaves on his face, which Eli was quick to replace.

“No move, daddy! No move! I make pile! On daddy’s face!” Eli reproached, grabbing more twigs and placing them on top of his face. “Papa, daddy gone!” Eli laughed, turning around and pretending to look for Stiles.

“I can only hope, son.” Derek answered softly, low enough that only Stiles heard him. 

Stiles was still unable to speak, because he was hidden, so he settled for slapping his husband on the face as hard as he could without moving too much. It wasn’t too hard, but it got message across. Derek laughed, catching Stiles’ hand in his and kissing it softly. “I will always find you, my love.”

“You better, you asshole.” 

“I found him!” Derek called at Eli, raising Stiles’ hand in his to show his son. 

Eli laughed excitedly and jumped on top of Derek. 

“You found daddy!” 

“He always does, champ. And he’ll always find you, too.” Stiles promised, doing his best to get out of his dead leaves tomb. 

“That I will. Now, how about a shower ? Daddy smells like the forest.” Derek proposed, getting to his feet and placing Eli on top of his shoulders, before helping Stiles to his feet.

“And you love it, Sour Wolf. But I do need a shower. I think I have dirt inside my underwear.” 

“What’s underbear?” Eli asked, and Stiles decided the best option to answer that question was to explain to Eli how underwear came to be. Eli watched attentively, holding on to Derek’s hair. And Derek just led them both back home, waiting patiently to when Stiles would be done with the story, and Eli would nod and ask an incredibly weird question, and then ask the original question once again, this time for Derek to answer in a way Eli would understand. And he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

[eli-writes-sometimes]

leaving some old FMB art here so i don't lose it from my old laptop, enjoy :)

[rjschoicesstuff]

1, 3, 6, B

For Rex, Eli, and AU!Rippy

Thank uuu (link to the ask game)

(For Ripley I'll b writing about the au where she's a vampire and could somehow have a baby, unless said otherwise)

Also mb good to know:

As of now Rex will have 2 kids (I might make it more idk still on the fence, ik Rex likes the idea of a big family tho): Ruby (she/her, orc) and Firven (he/him, half orc half elf) also I'm writing about them as if they're close in age, but I have been considering giving Ruby and Firven a 14 year age gap or something

Eli and Kieran have one changeling child, still unnamed, goes by they/them.

Ripley has one daughter in the au, she's named River, she's a witch but not a vampire. I also imagine she calls Ripley and Gabe some variation of 'mom' while Cas is just Cas.

Answers under the cut cuz it got long

1. Who do the kids enjoy playing with the most?

Rex x Tyril x Imtura:

I think Rex usually, because she's just more playful than Tyril. But whenever she's staying over, the kids gravitate most towards Imtura bc I think she'd just allow a lot more than Rex and Tyril and in general is more like the fun cool aunt than their mom u know? And they only see her every few months so I think that just makes her more interesting to them lol. I think she'd be a bit rowdy for Firven sometimes though lol. Rex too tho tbh, tho Rex immediately starts fussing over him when she's been a bit rough with him and he starts crying. While I think Imtura just kinda laughs it off like 'Come on, you're fine.' (He is fine)

Eli x Kieran:

A part of me is like omg am I mischaracterizing her, but I just like the idea of otherwise more put together and serious characters that are way different and more silly and playful with their kids, so I'm gonna say Kieran!! I also think Eli just tires out more easily because when they have their kid he's in his late 40s/early 50s, like he loves playing with them but he definitely doesn't have the energy and stuff he had in his 20s and 30s lol, whenever it's something more rowdy/active at least.

Ripley x Cas x Gabe:

I imagine it depends on what she wants to do, but I do think Gabe is like the parent she can do the like more stereotypical girly stuff with that Cas and Ripley aren't usually super into lol. I always imagine Cas is the one 'parent' who doesn't rly hold back on the vampire stuff around her, like he's super protective but doesn't rly baby her much, trusts that if she falls off something he can catch her. Makes her feel like a Big Girl lol. Like I think he'd take her to the roof of big buildings and stuff like that and if especially Gabe saw that she'd get a heart attack probably. I think Ripley is just rly fun to play with because she's just like Silly and Funny and just like rly clearly always enjoys spending time with River, I think in a way it feels the most like playing with another kid lol.

3. Who does the baby follow around more?

Rex x Tyril x Imtura:

Ruby gravitates a lil more towards Tyril while Firven is really clingy with both of them, but especially Rex when he's small. He also just really clings to Ruby a lot and wants to tag along a lot wherever she goes. When Imtura comes over Ruby always wants to spend a lot of time with/around her. I think when he's younger Firven is a bit shy towards Imtura but as he gets older and more familiar with her that goes away.

Eli x Kieran:

I think they cling to Eli a bit more, though they get more independent as they grow up and stop doing that as much, like as they get older they also need time alone more often.

Ripley x Cas x Gabe:

I feel like River is rly drawn to Cas when she's very little because he just has a lot of like shiny, dangling accessories nd chains like theres a lot going on there LOL. Ripley for a while rly tones down on all that + in general wears very simple outfits because she doesn't really have time to worry about her looks/clothes much (and just doesnt rly care either tbh) and it'd just be in the way whenever she has to feed River + it's likely gonna get dirty anyway.

6. Who has their kids’ favorite movie nearly memorized on account on how frequently they request to watch it?

Rex x Tyril x Imtura:

They don't have movies obv but they definitely have their favourite books and I imagine Tyril is the best reader so, him. But also let's be honest, Kade is The Storyteller so whenever he's over he's the one being begged to tell them their favourite stories again. Rex also loves telling stories but she always makes them up on the spot and lets them decide what's gonna happen next, I think sometimes the kids ask if she can tell a certain story again but she already forgot.

Eli x Kieran:

Eli loves reading and as an extension of that also loves reading to his kid, it's definitely gotten to the point where he can just tell some of them without needing the book at all.

Ripley x Cas x Gabe:

Ripley and Gabe, I don't think River could get Cas to watch any kids movies with her and if he caves he's doing something else the whole time. I do think when she's like 12 he's gonna try to watch a 'tame' horror movie with her and cover her eyes any time there's gonna be any gore because He has the whole thing memorized from watching it so often. She does like that tho because she likes creepy stuff and horror film plots but she's very squeamish when it comes to blood.

B. What was their first night as new parents like?

Rex x Tyril x Imtura:

Ruby was born after a cryptic pregnancy, so Rex did not know she was pregnant until she went into labor, so like Ruby's birth was terrifying, like I think Rex genuinely thought she was dying.

But ok, considering that, her thoughts are just racing that night whenever Ruby doesn't need her and she gets a moment to Think, with her feeling guilty and scared and honestly also just feeling really stupid and embarassed. It'd take her a few days before she starts talking about that.. She's been acting like everything's good and chill and no big dealll, everything will be okay.. She really is happy with Ruby though and felt a bond with her right away, so she just latches onto those feelings, in a way it feels wrong to her to start a new life on a negative note? I dunno it's just a Lot and she's feeling a lot lol, I think she hates that she didn't know, because then she'd have had all those months to process some of those feelings I guess?

That said, I think she handles actually taking care of Ruby pretty well + I think Tyril would also just (attempt to) be rly helpful n not like tht kinda partner tht just leaves her to tend to Ruby because she's the mom and the person in charge of keeping her fed and stuff, like if she's up he's up too. Though in the beginning he's still very clumsy with a lot of it because I imagine he has like no experience with babies lol. I do think after like a week of sleepless nights the whole reality of it all does actually kick in more though.

No Imtura mention because she's at sea when Ruby is born. And only finds out a few weeks later.

Eli x Kieran:

Right after his kid is born Eli is like the happiest man alive, absolutely elated, super excited. Feels like he has everything he ever wanted. I like to think that Fae and Changeling children are less fussy and need to eat less often than human babies so everything also seems like a breeze, he expects to be super busy, overwhelmed and get no sleep, but it's not that bad. I think instead of that he'd just watch them while they sleep like he can't believe he got to become a dad for real after all. I think he also starts to worry a bit for the first time about his age and like, if he and the baby will age at the same pace? Like I think he's scared he might not be there for some of their milestones, especially because his own parents died when he was still young. Like he's a lot older than both of his parents were when they passed away and that night is the first time that realisation kicks in and it scares him. Like he's just feeling a bit angsty lol. He doesn't sleep and it's not because the baby keeps him up.

Ripley x Cas x Gabe:

Ripley's mom has been really supportive the whole time, like I don't think she really thought it was a good idea for Ripley to keep the baby, but also felt like ultimately that's Ripley's choice and she would be there to support her, because that's what you do as a mom. And so she also stays with her that first night to help out, along with Gabriela and Cas. So Ripley feels really lucky to have the support, because she DOES get a bit of a wake-up call for how much a baby needs to be fed and changed, how much work it is and not just like snuggles with cute lil baby lol. I think it helps that vampires don't need to sleep though, so like after a few hours they send her mom away so she can go sleep.

I feel like Ripley and Gabe are just in awe and I think Ripley is really happy because Cas also was there with her even tho she knows the whole situation is really weird and uncomfortable to him. I think Cas wld rly warm up to River once she's born anyway, just the idea that he's her dad is weird to him lol. I do think he'd leave at some point in the night because he needs to be alone and Think. I do there's like an air of melancholy too because everyone realises that things have changed now and will never be the same.

I think in any non-vampire au, Ripley at least always really has an 'oh shit what did I get myself into'-moment that first night because the lack of sleep and being woken up constantly would very quickly get to her lol. So like funny enough even tho this is the au where it's not a great idea, she's not exactly ready for a baby and she's only 19, she does cope best because she doesn't need to try and get all the sleep she can get + walk around during daytime feeling like a zombie.

[irrelevaantidiot]

I've legit given up on any hope that I'm gonna get a good night's rest it's literally 4 am so im gonna ramble about anything and everything

Also tree is staring at the huge ass ramble

First of why he look like that anyways actual ramble time

I was on discord earlier and I was scrolling through my dms list in hopes I could find my friends dms, appearantly I didn fucking close an ex friends dm where she was guilting me like 6 months ago, also she still had a pfp of the character that I INTRODUCED her to like bro stay out of my fandom now grrr

Another ramble, I've been stuck on the same doodle for like. the last 2 nights? idek what it is I gues shrrrresjsjsjajjjwj

Also pinterest doesnt save my images sometimes like holy shit u guys do not realize how long it took for me to get this shit to download

Bro is skedaddling

Anyways I also realized that i have a whole list of ocs I've projected on and idk how to feel

Akakakaksoeoeoekeoewwsseeeesjsjeeeesw my insane dreams are returning guys help

Also um. i think im becoming obsessed with mlp hsjekkee help!!!

Anyways I've been considering working on an astrobiology painting because brainrot is real i am normal about that shit even tho that's literally cringe eli you're shipping a tree and a blackhole that's physically imposible!! dont care!! anyways im blackhole

I've been meaning to work on my DPA gijinkas but I no no wanna rn man

Also umm dr fizz hyperfixation please send pics of him if u want I need to add it to a collection

Oh have I mentioned my astrobiology shrine yea I printed out some screenshots for it and it disappeared and I'm mad??

Liam plush has been doing well

Winner and blackhole are the realest characters ever /hj

I made an object sona and hes a bitch and I also want his gender

Need I say more I think I'm becoming a silvercandle fan like dude this whole scene was the most goofy shit ever

Also tag urself I'm tree and I'm only bringing up this image because it reminds me of the time when I was 4 and I got my finger stuck in a soap bottle

Also HAJSJJnnnsnwweee!

I'm excited for the omori manga dude!!!! Genuinely I love omori sm im so glad it exists

I realized I'm on tumblr and I can follow the tags for anything and everything I want and I'm happy

Anyways baller

This is literally me and my friend

Sometimes i remember the very dark era like 3 months ago where I was a huge fucking simp for my own oc

Sometimes I wanna write dialogue between my two characters that just. try to kill eachother

Radio session over thank you for coming to my tedtalk this is literally my face rn it is 4:50 am

[elysium555]

intro post

hi, my name's elysium, ellie or eli for short. i use she/they/he pronouns. this blog is basically where i go to yap (im a pro yapper) about anything that makes me feel a feel. my reposts go on @elysium5555. i also have secret rp blogs.

i also write fanfics sometimes 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️

interests

biological archaeology; ghostbusters; equestrian sports; mythology and theology; herbalism; wings of fire; red dead redemption 2; biology; sociology and anthropology

boundaries

dni: basic dni; anti-therians; dsmp fans; 'horse riding isn't a sport'/'ride me like you ride your horse'/etc; anti-shifters

languages and accessibility

first language is english, learning spanish, german and polish. i also have access to google translate so wtv

im hard of hearing. doesnt really apply to this but i am trying to learn asl.

im not doing photo descriptions. cant ever figure out how to make them work and accurately convey the image. if you want the image described, just asl, ill try my best

follow for yapping, asks open

[eli-writes-sometimes]

Thanks for the tag!

In Superlosers, Ivy has a way with cats and Luke loves dogs, and Harper makes jokes about the two of them being horse "girls" in another universe

Tagging - @new-royston-cursebreakers @e-lisard @charlesjosephwrites

Question - what's your oc's biggest fear?

OKAY!

WRITEBLRS if you're seeing this, you're legally obligated to reblog with an answer, and then a new question for the next person!

Here's the start:

Which of your OCs is most likely to punch somebody in the face?

[away-ward]

hey, thanks for the mbti discussions KO! It was fun talking to you about it. This might the last one from me about damon and kai though, because i cant lie, they really never interest me that much before, so for me to even put two and two together about their characters this week already got me feeling ☠️🙂‍↕️😵‍💫 however, unlike kai, it's kinda obvious in the way that i was pulling for straws to understand damon's arc, because ngl, even thinking about him then writing his name in the same discussion post with emmy made me feel nauseous, lmfao! (If you cant already tell, i really hate his character so much!!! 😭🤣)

But i agree with you in that i believe damon's characterisation suffered from PD wanting to do the most most mostest everything for him. Like Rika. Yeah no wonder idgaf about them. I hate it when authors just can't write characters with flaws and try to make characters be so complicated, only for us to watch them fail to do that by the end of the series. Like what was the point of all that toomfooleries? Damon and Rika look like clowns! I laughed when they said they wanted to build the world because they got no skills to execute that. Just because you got ideas doesn't mean you have the skills or talent to make them a reality. That's what Damon and Rika's characters felt like to me.

PD could just give their stories one or two trajectories and stick with that, but nooooo they just HAD to be and be in everything 🙄 At this point i'm trying to see the good in Damon's character or see any valid points to make him likeable TO ME but he always failed, because i feel like he was never gonna be enough, again FOR ME. Like Damon's character doesn't feel like he deserves all that happiness by the end of the series. His risk was not worth the pay, unlike Emory. I like villains, i like anti-heroes, but not the Wallmart versions like Damon Torrance. For example, i LOVE LOVE LOVEEEE Victor and Eli from Vicious. V.E. Schwab gave them clear trajectories and they never had to be everything or anyone else, never had to act like they're good or suddenly be everything like Damon was.

That's why Vicious' villain arcs are super interesting. Rin from the Poppy War by R.F Kuang had a really interesting hero-anti-hero-villain arc too, and she actually scare me sometimes with her craziness, hence why i really like her character. Pippa from a Good Girl's Guide to Murder had similar arc, and by the end of the trilogy made me feel like "damn, this is what dark romance could look like if authors have good writing, good plot, would want to deal with morally grey characters who have good reasons to be one, characterisation doesnt seem to come out of their asses but logical to the surroundings, wants and the nature of the MCs, and actually understand how romance can work even when there's no sex in their books, AT ALL". Dark romance today's just full of shocking sex/harems/orgies, absurd ass plot and "dark, broody, tall" characters. I truly believe that PD's bias towards Damon was what cheapened his arc and his potential.

Ugh sometimes i wish i am a damon torrance lover (or even bystander) so that i can relate to the majority of this fandom, but i can't choose who i like, and i definitely do not like him or his characterisation at all. Noo bcausee it's the way you counter my observation of him and even after some thinking, i really don't have any resoonse to that, because idgaf enough about him to think deeper, hahahahaha! Omg i realised today that i can be really bias with characters i hate, heh. Anywaym idk. I wish his fans, or rika and winter's fans are active on tumblr making discussion posts, because at least then maybe i can understand more of their fav characters?

Idk. These three, along with Michael are the shallowest characters in the series, and maybe that's why i don't like them? i would rather read about Micah and Rory's story than reread their books, tbh. Idk, their motives always felt so surfaced-level no matter how many times PD liked to write their conversations as "meaningful". I remember One ironic moment in Kill Switch when Damon was upset at Winter for having "a shallow heart" for not trusting him and i was like 😭🤣🤣🤣 broooooo, talking about a pot calling a kettle black. Like why was he looking down on Winter right now? She was the 16 year old blind girl who had to deal with the mess you started, not you! You deserved that jail time, not only for lying but for all the petty crimes in the phone too! OMFG! Like why do yall think yall soulmates for life? You both are dumb, AND SHALLOW! To a certain extend, You gotta attract what you are, and what you like most.

And Damon liked her enough that her shallowness didn't matter before, so why now? Winter too with Damon, she never expected him to be smart or good or with depth. She didn't even give a fuck if he was someone she didnt know when she was horny af. Like girl youre blind? And you dont have any allies at home or in town, why are you being YOUR best ally then? She literally just kept on believing lies left and right because she want to escape her life. Other than Damon, Dancing was the only thing that made her feel alive. So why was she even surprised taht he was sketch as hell? Winter is so fucking dumb! Like what? Not even until the end of KS had she ever acknowledged her own stupidity and fault in the trajectory of her own story. And I was again baffled when Damon was confused with Winter's arc, because when was she described as having depth? Even by him? Just pure and beautiful, untouched by anything ugly, the one who told him to use pain one at a time. Her character only exist to be a muse for Damon 🤣😭 and clearly winter never gaf enough about fucking her own sister's husband but why was she going around acting holier than thou all the time, and even in private, slut shaming girls left and right for fucking anyone? And not her shaming arion for her adventurous sex but continue to fuck damon and will at the ssame time? Winter's such a fucking dumb hypocrite.

and She sounds just like damon, only a very less ugly version of him! Like not damon slut shaming everyone and looking down on arion, when he was just as bad, if not worse than the girls he looked down on, but nobody called him a whore ass low life? Sometimes i wished in nightfall that emmy called him a slut and a motherfucker to see how he reacts because for all the hurtful things and pain he caused and said to his friends (especially the horsemen) and innocent people in this series, him betraying michael and working with his brother for no fucking reason than his stupid jealousy, i believe Damon's happy ending is not well-earned enough for me. I literally want someone to drown him in the sea like what he did to kai, will and rika, cause him all this turmoil and backstabbing like what he did to banks and michael, and torture and shame him in a chamber like what he did to rika and winter. When winter was angry at damon and spouting shit at him in KS, I was cheering for her, wishing she said more, because if that was me, i wouldve done and said worse.

Because TO ME, Damon really didn't deserve anything good in his life, not his sisters, not his wife, his bffs, his future. Shoudl've just died in a ditch somehwere. One thing that Damon and I are similar in that we both knew this was true. It's hard now for anyone to convince me that he does deserve them. Oh and also that scene in conclave with him and misha? What the fuck, misha didn't even do anything to him. Fuck Damon honestly. Suddenly be obsessed with rika? And for what? Ugh cringe as fuck! I can't believe winter wasn't suspicious of him having borderline polyamorous relationship with everyone, especially rika and will. (But winter has to only be close to him? 🙄) The high pain and disrespect from him to everyone, and him keep acting dumb and going around saying shit like "if theres anybody who knew how low life and hell life could be it was us" in KS, was not worth anything that he can offer them. But then i'm not them, and they're not me, clearly michael see enough value in him to want him on his team. Even emmy would pick him before the readers, so that's why i still don't see any reason to go so hard defending emmy. No characters in this series were ever painted as a righteous character, i don't trust any of them irl.

No matter how angry DamonWinter fans can be angry at me for this, this is just one point they can't deny. Winter is the most useless character in the series. Like how is her kid gone in fire night but we see more of other chars being distressed than herself? I can't with PD sometimes 😂 like at least they could try to not make it THAT obvious that they didn't care much about Winter's character. And just like how Damon only attracts what he is, it's also similar to how authors only know to write what they know, hence why not all "smart characters" are "smart", because some authors are just not smart enough to think of a plan for characters to show how their characters are capable of being smart without them shoving this shit in your face in their text explicitly all the time. Like how PD wanted to make Damon, Rika and Alex's characters capable of everything, but failed because when you lay them down with logic and timelines, they don't match up ☠️ like? Well, at least rika herself was aware of her flaws. But not PD, ofc. Like WTF? And just when we're about to see the real Alex, where her character has flaws too and not just strengths, PD glosses over them again when it's inconvenient for them to explain. PD really sucks at writing details and timelines, no matter how much they said they're a big planner. A big planner doesnt make a good planner.

idk how my initial MBTI discussion has become a Damon hate rant post but ugh i finally let out my unsatisfaction of how his character was written into the world. I too, love to read about villains, i too want to love an anti-hero, i too want to read soft characters like winter, but not when they're shallow as fuck, and until the end of fire night they did not change at all. Or even when they change, it's minimal. One thing that i agree with some of readswshelby's (from tiktok and youtube) take about about willemmy's story (unlike the rest of the couples) is for what it's worth with their shitty plot, you can see that from the start of the series and the start of the book to the end of the series and the end of the book, their characterisation and story changes from a to b. What does that mean? It means they have progressed, they have changed, and they have put work on themselves to change for the better. We dont always got to see them because PD didnt gaf enough to write about Willemmy more, but we knew willemmy had progressed. Which also leades to a differnt kind lf discussion.

Emmy started nightfall believing she cannot have the things she wants most and will started night with plans because he felt loss and alone but both still have understandble fears in building back their relationship and connecting with each other and with others around them, because they were nit ready and were always seen to be holding on to the past, but then one step forward, they decided how their story is gonna be like, and they ended nightfall with some of the most impactful closing scenes and lines from this series as a couple and individual, that summed up their past doubts and worries

"my life finally starts" because finally will executed what he wants by being beside emmy, even to bring down the gate to get to where she was, killing martin with his own hands, and was always seen running towards emmy despite what damon, aydin and alex kept on doing to him and his woman, he was fully ready now. Even to be a father and get back to academia. He was even ready to be there for his friends and family as compared to how he was scene in that hideaway extra. Just because emmy was there, will was tured of his past, and they wanted and will work forward together for their future. (Only damonwinter came close to this, but not the two other couples)

"i have everything i want, education, brothers, family, husband that i love, would love and fight for me", because emmy finally fought for the one thing she wanted the most, will, and she also had all the other things she wanted and need and are proud of like education, career, family, loving brothers etc., and she was finally ready to go on adventure with them now, and nothing else matters anymore, and not only this was true in nightfall, her character was also seen reassuring will's doubt in fire night about their life and their world, and her being part of the crew that handles the police report, then btpeating up ilya etc., solidifies not only willemmy's relationship in this series, but also her place in their family. We truly know now that even if we dont get bonuses of them, WillEmmy is thriving and nobody can touch that. Interesting how back then how at point a she was the one who kept on running around, and now, heakthier, at point b, she was the cornerstone that her husband, nephews, nieces, family and friends can rely only. This was what growth was supposed to look like in romance, which leads to the next point.

"we're free, nobody can stop us", and this is the truest thing ever because in the early stage of her fighting for Will, emmy finally initiated/ responds to the fight with anyone that tries to come in between her and will, be it her brother, aydin, alex, dmaon, michael and kai. Even her thought in the bridal room towards will's girl family members sounds provokinb of some sort, like how she was surprised they didnt say anything, which even if they did, she would definitely put them down for it. And then we see her in all the scenes after until FN, where her thoughts, beliefs and words match up with actions because not a single time she wasn't there for what she promised. Again, begins with point A and ends with point B. Her caharcter, and will had the most progress because they put in the work. (there were many more, but i dont feel like including them, but if you have anything to add KO, please do)

and this is why i think willemmy felt like the most balanced and full fleshed out characters. Because they have a worry of their own, and they have worres togetehr, but from point A where they couldn't sove it in the beginning, progress was done actively/passively then we got to point B the ending. idk if DN readers realised this, but this maybe why PD got so much criticisms for their MichaelRikaBanksKai content, because not only they fucked up with KaiBanks, they promise us now that they have no HEA for these two couples. And HEA is what the romance genre is mainly known for, especially by seasoned readers and writers. Writers, editors, readers, and even the industry knew that this is one of the biggest promise that consumers will get when they consume the romance genre. That's why readers got angry when couples dont have chemistry, or no promisin HEA. They felt cheated. Many famous authors have discussed this, and and many romance readers agreed to this rule, hence why the romance subreddit too, have a rule of "have to be HEA, if not, it's not romance" or redit users can put on a disclaimer on their book posts if they want to suggest non-HEA books.

You can look up to what make the romance genre a genre online, and also see all the many romance subreddit post about what makes romance a Romance to them. And this is what PD failed to deliver. But then i only found out later that PD actually labelled Corrupt as Dark Erotica (not Dark Romance) and PD had been known to not like to be boxed in strict labels, so maybe this was where one of the readers' misunderstanding, unsatisfaction and confusion of not getting enough romance in this series could come from? Idk, once i change my mindset of DN to dark erotica, i didn't feel like i was lied to as much, because erotica is very different from romance, and i dont have the same expectation of a romance book to an erotica. Erotica will have sex that progresses the story as compared to romance where the romantic tension was what build of the relationship. Maybe that's why DN felt out of place because it wasn't marketed right?

But i feel like THAT's also why labelling is so important in marketing and advertising especially for the romance genre, because the romance genre is so big, and it could literally change readers' opinions and understanding of the books they're reading, but PD is PD and their confusing vagueness was what started all of this 🙄 idk, but i feel like they're a messy person as in, they like to cause mess bu don't know how to clean that up, but then putting something in a box later felt too real and felt like they have to confront with what's expected from the box and the consequences of it, so the easiest way is for them to cop out and abandon that all, and just write what they want and leave the rest to everyone but PD themselves. Idk, but i think i associate PD's personality as being irresponsible and messy now, because clearly they cared enough about what readers thought of their works to the point the took a break from DN, but not enough to change i guess? No matter how i see it, i just cannot look past how they handle this. Like at all. And it's something to keep in mind when i come across other authors and how they respond to readers and their crafts.

wow, this was a long ass post KO. Hopefully you dont find them burdensome 😅 thanking you for taking your time to reading this and responding

This might the last one from me about damon and kai though

Heyy! Don't worry about it. I don’t think I have much new to say anyway.

Regarding your feelings on Damon, though, that’s totally understandable. Like everything in Corrupt, there was such good potential in him, but I think the more we shed light on him and the less mystery, the less interesting he becomes. That’s true about a lot of things though. Unfortunantely, I think it would even be true of Micah and Rory. You know PD would never just let them be a cute domestic couple forever if they were to expand on their story. The more you get to know about them, the less interesting they might become. Or worse, you might even come to be unsatisfied with them to the point where you hate it. Best to leave things be.

Some of the things you said got me thinking, and I’ve never mentioned this before because I kind of thought everyone thought the same way – like it was written in the subtext of the series, but maybe it wasn’t the same for everyone.

All of the characters are supposed to be soulmates, right? Platonic and otherwise.

Like, the way the story is written, they hear a unique call that nobody else hears and that’s why they are drawn together. They’re unable to resist the call, and the more they try to deny it, the more restless they become. When they finally admit that these are their people and this is who they’re supposed to be, they feel a sense of contentment and belonging. For Damon, it’s the basis of his obsession. These are his people, and they have to feel it, too. There’s no way they can’t feel it. It doesn’t matter what Winter is or isn’t; she’s meant to be his and for no rhyme or reasons, he’s not going to let her go. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t get along with Kai most days. They’re drawn together because of this intangible thing and nothing can touch it or kill it. It's the same for all of them. Unlike Misha, who didn’t hear the call, and whom Damon eventually tolerates for Rika and Will’s sake. I just wish that it was touched on more from other character’s perspectives. I mean, I could be making this all up, but that was the impression I got.

For me, I think PD struggles the most with when to be over the top and when to bring it back down. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy they have fun with their ideas and fully lean into them, but it’s a skill to know when to pull back. Like the example you mentioned, Damon’s comment about ruling the world. Because, like, why? What would he want to rule the world for? And how are they going to convince themselves they’re not criminals when they’re trying to “rule” the world? Whereas, it would have had a more significant impact if he said something like, “we’re going to run this city, Rika.” Even though the Thunder Bay is much smaller than the world, it really shows how they’re going to carve out a corner for themselves, take control, and be a real threat to anything that tries to cross into their territory. And while I know Damon was probably speaking figuratively, it’s just such a weird way to say it.

I don’t expect a realistic plot from content like this. I expect over the top nonsense from start to finish. But there’s a balance to it. And when things are imbalanced, we get a laughable, cliché mess of a story. Which is why even some dark romance (or erotica, if that’s what it’s better termed as in this case) are still better written than DN, even though the intent behind them was the same. Character arcs, too, seem to be a mixture of darts thrown at a spinning table and “ohh won’t this be fun?” Which can be fine for a first draft but really should be refined before release. The narrow window between KS and NF, and possibly listening too much to fans and not enough to their own creative instincts, are two things I think really impacted how poorly some of these things came across.

I doubt I’ll ever understand the extent DamonWinter love, or even the Winter love. And I also wish there were Rika and Winter blogs, because I’d love some good analysis and insight on them. I’m so open to other people’s opinions, even if I don’t agree, and I know that there are others in this fandom that are, too. I also know how hard it can be to take things that you think and feel, and put them into sentences that make sense! But I’d love some explanation on Winter from a fan that’s as completely obsessed as I am with Emory. It doesn’t have to be good, it doesn’t have to be well written, it doesn’t even have to be in line with what I think; I’m open to changing. But just something thoughtful.

And just when we're about to see the real Alex, where her character has flaws too and not just strengths, PD glosses over them again when it's inconvenient for them to explain.

Yes! I was telling a friend that hasn’t read DN that part of the problem with Alex is that the other characters are never allowed to be mad at her. Friends sometimes cause problems, they offend, things go off track. Alex is a controversial character, not because she’s an escort, but because she doesn’t care about opinions. But not caring about opinions and always doing exactly what you want often times causes problems, especially with people you’re close to. PD is really trying to tell us that for five years, Alex has never done anything that didn’t sit right with any one of these incredibly different characters? Michael and Kai fight over how to handle Rika every two seconds, but nobody cares that Alex is trying to distract the security guards from their duties, because she’s just so cute? Alex roofies Michael and potentially jeopardizes the entire rescue mission, but as long as she’s safe it’s all okay? She leaves Emory open and exposed to violent predators and a man who by all visible signs hates her, but Emory can’t be mad because it’s Alex.

All of these things would be interesting and great characterization, a good way to look into the dynamics of the group, if the other characters were allowed to deal with it, but I can’t think of a single time a character has chastised her other than Banks on one or two occasions. They can be mad at her and still be her friend; it’s not one or the other. It would even be interesting to see how Alex uses her ability to manipulate on a character like Michael or Kai when she’s done something that upsets them – but they’re never that upset with her. It’s weird and annoying.

As for your Willemmy analysis, I see everything you’re getting at. I think willemmy’s characters and storyline make more sense than Damonwinter and is packs a more emotional punch that Michaelrika. And Will annoys me less than Kai (sorry KaiBanks fans).

idk if DN readers realised this, but this maybe why PD got so much criticisms for their MichaelRikaBanksKai content, because not only they fucked up with KaiBanks, they promise us now that they have no HEA for these two couples.

I think most readers probably know what their issue is. I wonder if PD realizes that’s why there was an uproar. See, if a fan wrote something like that, other fans who are into those scenarios probably would have gobbled it up. But having it come from the creator, making it canon, ruins the impression that other fans who don’t want that have. Even if PD had just said “Yeah, sometimes I think about the four of them together.” That would be different than an entire scene where it becomes “official”. As a fan, they have the right to think of DN however they want, but as the creator, their words carry power and authority. I remember when that scene came out, they were thinking that people didn’t like Rika and Banks, but that honestly wasn’t the issue. I’m not a Rika fan, but I would have read a boring scene just to see what’s going on with her.

PD had been known to not like to be boxed in strict labels, so maybe this was where one of the readers' misunderstanding, unsatisfaction and confusion of not getting enough romance in this series could come from?

Yeah, I would say DN fits a little better when I don’t think of it as a romance, but as a story with a romantic storyline

but PD is PD and their confusing vagueness was what started all of this

The way you’re saying this makes PD sound like one of those ao3 writers that’s like “no tags, just read” like the tags aren’t there to be spoilers; they’re there for a reason. But I don’t know if PD was intentionally being vague because they didn’t want to give anything away or just thought the “dark romance” would be enough to cover the content. Maybe like you said, there was a misunderstanding on what makes it a romance, and of course, they wanted to be seen, and it has a romance storyline, so it’s not lying to put it in romance…

The confusion is unfortunate, but I wouldn’t rake anyone over the coals for it.

Hopefully you dont find them burdensome

I don’t find them burdensome at all! It just sometimes takes me a while to get to them. I mostly always respond on a desktop, because reading the longer ones on mobile is hard. That’s why it takes me so long to respond. Thanks for your patience though! And for sending in your thoughts. I enjoy the discussions.

KO

[beannary]

so what if your ideas are dumb and stupid*? do thaey make you happy? go for it!! i guarantee you theres at least one other person who would also enjoy it! Be cringe and happy!!!!

*(not saying yoir ideas are dumb and stupid btw)

—💜🐺Eli🐺💜

that is super true! i am trying to move on from like my whole "if its cringe then its bad" mindset and im just trying to like genuinely enjoy writing and drawing without like worrying about if its good or not or if its cringe and stuff but it's still a process and sometimes my mind gets to me haha orz

that being said it does mean a lot to me when people send me messages like this just as like a reminder that it doesnt matter if what i make is cringe or whatever, what matters is that im creating

[sharkmobster]

more funtime found family au stuff but this time focusing on funtime freddy and michael's relationship. it's incredibly rambly and turns into off-kilter dialogue but i gotta get this off my chest.

tw mentioned child abuse/death

• doesn't actually like michael (at first) even tho i draw them hanging around each other a lot

• bon bon is the only reason he does loaf around him. (bon bon and bonnet being the only ones who like Michael in the beginning.) They're attached to each other so it's inevitable that they would hang around mikey.

• ft freddy plays really mean spirited jokes on michael bc he's not allowed to harm him. he has to get real creative. (ft freddy has a lot of anger inside of him. people write him off as being dumb and goofy but really that's just a mask that he put up so he didn't scare people away. of course the funtimes know how he is, knows who he is right to his core bc they're all connected on a deeper/technological level.)

• (slaps funtime freddy. this bear can fit so much trauma and abandonment issues in him!)

• can be incredibly vindictive when he wants to be and takes out a lot of his agression on Michael. michael shares the afton name (bc he sure as hell doesn't look like william in my au lol) and that alone is enough for ft freddy to bully him.

• (the funtimes blame william for abandoning them so ft freddy takes it especially personal when his ankle biter comes around to "liberate" them. and on some deeper level freddy is just terrified that michael will abandon them all, just like willy did. he never voices this of course. opting to show his apprehension and fear in a more destructive way, pushing Michael further away.)

• canon ft freddy: sinister but still goofy and knows how to have a good time

my ft freddy: goofy and repressed anger issues, doesn't know how to enjoy himself without causing someone some kinda pain.

• michael gets fed up with being terrorized eventually and confronts him, and ft freddy drops the silly act for a bit just ready to blow up at him. (he can't even place why he's still so angry at michael when really he's been nothing but hospitable and accomodating to their wants and needs but fuck he's just so wound up he doesn't know what to do) michael compares him to william during the argument (cruel and vindictive just like william wanted) and ft freddy nearly rings his neck, absolutely seething but bon bon doesnt let that happen of course. (idk if this is confirmed canon but bon bon was designed to placate freddy. he raises his voice even slightly and bon bon's petting his face, stopping him from getting even more agressive)

• ft freddy shuts down after the confrontation ends (emotionally, anyway) and the blow out itself is completely anti climatic, nobody getting hurt. he ends up isolating himself from the others with bon bon hovering around like a concerned mother hen. Baby and the others give him space but michael (after he cools down anyways) won't leave him alone.

• See the thing is: Michael understands. Michael understands more than anyone what it's like to feel so deeply, what it's like to hate and hate and to keep hating until that rage is your whole life. It's suffocating. and he had to deal with that all on his own, choking on his own grief and rage without anyone to guide him. (his brother is dead bc of him and he carries that with him everywhere he goes, in everything he does.)

• They're living in the countryside of France at this point in time, far off from any wandering eyes, a thick forest surrounding their home. Freddy has a few hiding spots that he scouted out within the first few days of staying there. And that's where Michael finds him, hiding out in a small alcove by the a creek, throwing rocks at the trees (and sometimes wildlife).

• freddy doesn't aknowledge him, ignoring him like a child would and bon bon frets nervously between them, not wanting another fight to break out. Michael tells them that he's not here to fight anymore, he just wants to talk. you like to talk, don't you? and freddy doesn't say anything, running his fingers through the dirt, absentmindedly.

• michael asks bon bon to leave so that they can have a private convo and bon bon freaks out like absolutely not, he might hurt you and michael asks freddy directly like "are you going to hurt me?" freddy still isn't talkative, and he's rigid when he shakes his head no after a bit of silence. Bon Bon asks if he's alright with him leaving and freddy just shrugs, still staring at nothing in the distance. bon bon hesitates for a few moments before finally leaving, telling Michael to call out to him if he's in danger but michael rushes him along.

• it's just them now, nothing but the sounds of nature around them. michael asks how he's feeling and freddy shrugs again. Michael strikes up a one sided conversation, stepping closer and closer to him over time not really getting any kinda response out of him but eventually, during his rambling, freddy finally looks at him and says "Y-You just don't get-get it." and then goes back to the silent treatment.

• Michael's quiet, having made his way up to standing right next to freddy (he's only a tiny bit taller than him when he's just sitting like that). he nods his head, considering something for a while until finally he goes "Did I ever tell you about what it was like? Ya know. Being William Afton's golden child?" freddy doesn't say anything but he pauses from drawing circles in the dirt, tilts his head just a fraction to let mikey know he's listening.

• michael stares at the creek. "He wasn't the most outwardly loving father. Wasn't really the nicest one, either. But, I wanted his approval so bad, I'd do anything for it." Freddy slowly turns his head to watch him carefully. that's got his attention. "I did a bunch of stupid shit back then, all cause I wanted to be noticed by him. But all that attention went to my little-" and michael draws in a sudden breath, pained. stays silent for a moment, working up the courage to speak. "I did something awful to my brother. All for my father. And it's an awful thing to say but his death didn't matter. Pops didnt bat an eye and Mom was too far gone by that point after Elizabeth...." he looks back in the direction of the cottage. "Well.... you know what happened to Elizabeth." Freddy's stare is hard and unyielding. "He's gone now and I was the only one who cared enough. His fuckin' abuser cared more for his passing than his own father did."

• "He threw me into the basement. Did you know that?" Michael bounces from one foot to another, anxiety written into his very bones. he's lost in his rambling now, having never spoken these words out loud to anyone. "I killed his son and he locked me away in the dark for three years." Freddy fully turns to give Michael his undivided attention, stock still, hanging off of his every word. "I got out. Eventually. I ran away and lived on the streets for years until someone got a hold of me. Told me my old man was missing, presumed dead. Got a pretty penny from the fazbear business he co-owned with Mr. Emily. Things were going good, I guess. I was overwhelmed for the most part, didn't do anything other than bounce around from hotels every few days. In some way, I felt like he was still out there, watching me. I just kept running. And then i found out about you." He glances at freddy and looks away quickly when he finds an unblinking visage staring back. "Found out about all of you. Locked away in a storage facility for over 30 years. In the dark. All alone." an incredibly long silence stretches out between them, freddy fidgeting, hyperaware of every noise going on around them.

• "You think I don't get it. But I do. I think I understand you more than anyone could." Michael's staring back at him, raw emotion across his face, eyes soft with empathy and that's what makes Freddy turn away from him. Suddenly uncomfortable. "I don't want to fight with you. Not you. Not Ballora, or Foxy, or Eli-" He visibly winces, but regains his composure. "...I just... need you to understand that I want to help."

• Freddy's never been so quiet, and it's such an odd sight. Michael's not sure if he should say anything else or if he should leave the bear alone. the bear speaks up, finally "W-We could've kill-killed you."

• "That was always a possibility, yeah. I woulda deserved it." Freddy's not sure if he likes the way Michael talks about himself sometimes. "I needed to get you guys out of there, though. That was more important than whatever could've happened to me." Michael huffs. "Besides, if I hadn't bailed you guys out then I would've never gone to Paris. Ballora has good taste in real estate, I think." and despite everything, freddy lets out a sudden breath that could've been mistaken for a sensible chuckle. Michael smiles anyway.

• Things settle down afterwards, though there's no bite to Freddy's jokes now. They're not as close as Michael wants, Freddy still keeping his distance, keeping his walls up but it's something.

• Freddy starts watching horror movies with him late into the night and until dawn. Doesn't let Michael sleep in afterwards and he might just regret this but it makes Freddy happy. Things go back to normal in the cottage, as normal as things can be for a motley troupe like them anyways. Michael starts laughing at his jokes more.

[theunconcernedembalmer]

what’s the issue with elisop? is it just bc you hc aesop as ace? im so concerned by seeing ppl adamantly opposed to mlm/wlw ships but im also genuinely curious about why you dislike it and other lgbt ships so much lol

hmm. that is a strong accusation, n i find it just a bit odd. are you new here? or perhaps you are taking personal offense at my dislike towards a favourite ship of yours and using the lgbt argument as moral high ground?

whatever the case may be, i thank you for asking. if u r truly looking for an answer, its below the cut n it is very very long. mind u these are all my personal opinions n i am in no way policing how others enjoy ships. just in case this wasnt clear; i dont wish to start discourse on this blog, especially since my takes are probably... unpopular.

firstly i would like to address the “disliking lgbt ships” bit, because this has very strong implications in itself. i have nothing against lgbt ships. i enjoy them, even. if the two characters have chemistry between each other, i ship it. however, the moment characterization is broken for the sake of romance, i lose interest. this is generally my stance on ships in general, n this applies for both straight n lgbt ships. 

the ships themselves are fine. however, i do have issues with the ship dynamics, so ill let u in on that.

i want to touch on mlm ships in particular; i believe u are familiar with the top/bottom dynamic that is rampant in these kinds of ships? (i wont deny that this dynamic can be found in other types of ships, but for arguments sake i will be focusing on gay ships because i feel that this occurs more commonly here) its such a popular dynamic that is prone to stripping the personality from one if not both characters, only for them to be reduced to being dominant/submissive. for a character to be pigeonholed into a stereotypical category based on... preferred sexual positions? its just downright insulting, never mind the larger more problematic implications of it. top/bottom is not indicative of someones personality, by the way. flattening multi dimensional characters into these stereotypes is so so so insulting.

unfortunately this is The Most Popular portrayal of just about any gay ship around. ive seen it being used everywhere in so many fandoms n it just about becomes apparent to me that ppl come to stories looking for a Ship. not the stories, nor the characters, just a ship. while id like to say theres nothing wrong with that, keep in mind not everyone is just looking for 2 characters that look pretty next to each other. if i ship something, i see interesting n meaningful interactions between 2 characters, which is so often not the case once u bring in the top/bottom dynamic. why is it so popular? because somehow this is what ppl like from a gay ship n hence it sells. ppl want the drama, characterizations be damned. ppl want to see the big kiss that happens in the end, n maybe the sexy parts that come after. characterizations be damned.

so u can say im a little wary of gay ships when they cross my feed. hell, as a joseph aesop shipper i see this trope everywhere n im pretty disappointed as well. small tangent but i feel like this is the reason why zh0ngli n ch1lde is so popular in g3nshin. i try to see the appeal, i really do, but after a long while of analyzing their respective characters i dont think they have as much chemistry as ppl think they do. dont even get me started on how incredibly ooc they make either of these very interesting n unique characters in ship portrayals. all because of the top/bottom dynamic that ppl want to see. i say this for that particular ship, but this is pretty much the case for a lot of ships out there, n the latter part is painfully true even when the 2 characters do have potential between each other. ill say it again im disgusted by the blatant disrespect to the characterizations if all ppl ever want is 2 pretty puppets to mush lips together. cos thats what theyre essentially reduced to this way.

n its so obvious to see when an artist subscribes to this rhetoric, because u can so clearly see it in the way they draw their characters. the “top” generally has sharper features to go with their “dominating personality”, while the “bottom” has disturbingly softer, feminine, dare i say sometimes child like features “to submit”. n thats where the uwu soft gay trope comes from, i believe. which, in case u still dont know, i hate with a burning passion.

so again for ppl with impaired reading comprehension, im fine with ships, including lgbt ones, but the moment u break characterization for the sake of the ship, im not that okay with it. u want to do it for a short crack comic? fine. but if thats the only way ur portraying the 2 characters then im immediately wary of ur content. ill still look at it cos usually the art is really good, but im very very wary. so im not “adamantly opposed”, just very critical of how the ships are being portrayed. if other ppl want to enjoy their ships like that, sure. just dont expect me to join in on something i dont agree on.

.

now id like to address not shipping “because i hc aesop as ace”. for ppl who are new to the blog (hello there), im an ace in a romantic relationship, so thats definitely not the reason i dont ship elisop. its more of being in a relationship has largely shaped my views towards romance as a whole. even before i met my boyfriend, i hated the romance genre in stories n media. most of it comes off as incredibly forced, especially those love triangles they seem to love putting into teen novels. thats one reason why i stopped reading when i was younger, but i digress.

did i partake in shipping when i was younger? i did. for a gay ship too (if anyone really wants to know, its kurotsukki from haikyuu. at least this was one that i can remember, i was mostly working on my 20 odd ocs for the longest time). i also used to write little short romance ficlets that i never posted anywhere cos i hated (n still do hate) my writing. but writing romance when u dont have experience was really just a way of projecting n probably a way of coping for myself, not that i knew at that time. but after i actually started a relationship with my boyfriend (whom i love n cherish a lot thank u very much), i began to see how much all these have skewed my views towards romance n have actually done some harm to our relationship. the bullshit that the general media feeds u constantly doesnt help in the slightest either.

quick topic shift to elisop in particular (about time, right?). i already stated that i only ship characters if i sense chemistry between the two personalities, n if u have seen the part where i dont ship elisop then u must have seen how agonized i am over not being able to have a concrete personality for eli. that is the main problem i have with elisop: eli does not feel like a solid character to me. n that is a huge problem, because if he doesnt have any defining characteristics besides being mild n nice, then he can be whoever i want him to be. (i have done this in my exorcist comics, i will admit this. n the fact that i can just do that... it really does not sit well with me personally.)

n that is dangerous.

back to young me doing lil ship things. i think its also pretty safe to say when u really do ship 2 characters, chances are u kinda really relate very very hard to at least one of them. that very quickly can turn into projecting, n shipping therefore is not “exploring the relationship between 2 characters” n it becomes “my preferred dating simulator 101″. of course this isnt always the case, but at least it was for me, n subconsciously it might be for lots of ppl too. n since this is ur mental playground, u call the shots, n there is no consequences if u slightly (or even entirely) alter one or both personalities to fit ur desired narrative. n u wouldnt even notice or know, cos ur blind to ur own biasness.

we bring our perceived notions into real life, im sure u know that. so when ur partner does not become that perfect knight in shining armour, or when they get upset at things that u do (which is a very normal thing by the way), n u think (very subconsciously), That isnt what my otp would do, something is wrong here (nothing is wrong, actually its just ur skewed perception of a stable romantic relationship). why wouldnt ur otp do this? because u are both halves of ur otps, there is no hidden secrets between them (apart from the pining part but thats irrelevant), n again they have been altered to fit ur preferred narrative. 

a real relationship requires a lot of communication between parties, because newsflash, liking someone doesnt mean that u have to like every single thing they do, they will make mistakes n it will hurt u, n guess what, the reverse is also true. if u do go with absoutely anything that they would do with 0 objections whatsoever, ur not crushing on someone, ur idolizing them, n that power imbalance is detrimental to a relationship. these things are not obvious to ppl, especially when the whole climate is hell bent on getting into romantic relationships by a certain age or some bullshit. communication is key n is pretty much the only way to solve relationship issues, because the other person has a lot that u r not seeing n vice versa. as similar as 2 ppl can be, i doubt u can have 100% the same thoughts on all things. i dont make the rules.

so in ur mental playground u focus on the fluffy parts, maybe there is communication, but rarely is there any meaningful conflict. thats unrealistic, n if u bring that mindset to an actual relationship, thats not going to end well. i say meaningful conflict, because yes, generally u shouldnt have conflicts with ur significant other. but inevitably when ur with each other for long enough, u will realize that there are habits that u must change in order to be with the other person. habits that are harmful to the other person directly, or harmful habits towards yourself that indirectly harm the other person. these are meaningful in a sense that if left alone, it will manifest into larger problems that will harm u, the other person n the relationship as a whole. its meaningful to the relationship.

all these is made even worse if ur neurodivergent. maladaptive coping practices, self sabotaging behaviours, inherent disabilities. all these must be adjusted n addressed. im so incredibly thankful for my boyfriend for being incredibly patient with me when working all these out, n it has not been easy for me to work on myself n all my problems, n im still not done working on them. this aspect is often not explored in romance in general (or properly), n there is a very good chance i would have still been stuck in the unhealthy mindset of “this isnt like my otp, maybe we’re not meant to be”. because loving someone is a choice. no one is made for each other, it is a conscious choice made between 2 ppl to make things work. this is how arranged marriages work, i am told, n i do see the appeal, not that it actually does appeal to me culturally.

special mention to the kurotsukki ship, cos from there i found a very, very good fic that explored their relationship before n after getting together, n it actually showed aspects of this problem in the incredibly slow burn of (at that time) 20+ chapters. it was just one fic (n a very good one at that, i believe it was called Leviticus), but it had a lesson i never thought i needed to learn, n learn it i did, with a lot of help from my dear. 

this is also probably the reason why i dont really want to delve too much into romance now. i know its a lot of work, n everything (mostly) that the media feeds u is really false advertising, but ppl eat that shit up n so it remains one of the most popular genres to date. im just very wary that if i do start on a romantic story, i want to be able to show it in a way like that fic did, the truths of relationships, because i dont want to make something that sells, i want to make something that meaningful to me, if a little indulgent. n that also includes being very careful in how the respective characterizations will change in a relationship. almost too careful now that i think about it, but its not something that i mind. i was never one for romance from the start, n now im very careful about shipping because of what happened to me persoanlly.

okay enough about me, lets talk about aesop. in any au u put the character in, the essence of the character must remain despite the change in environment. so lets say we have ur typical modern au. dead mom, check. shitty mentor doing illegal stuff? also check. autistic boy with social anxiety? we’re good to go. all these have implications on aesop as a character, n while ppl are aware of this, again the way they go about portraying it can go, in my personal opinion, very wrong. ppl who immediately woobify aesop completely because he has autism annoy me. ppl who reduce him to uwu soft boi cos he has social anxiety do not know how the disorder really works n as someone who has that i hate it to the core. ppl who do all these for the sake of ship have lost my respect. its insulting.

remember the top/bottom dynamic? not that elisop is completely free from that (even if i dont know much about eli, to put him in either one of those stereotypes feels very insulting to his character. i wont even say anything about doing it to aesop its so upsetting), but its not entirely made up of either. but now i want to introduce another trope i am very wary of, which is “i can fix him”. im sure u guys have seen the meme going around poking fun at this trope (for those who havent, its along the lines of “u can fix him? well i can be his worst nightmare”) n no doubt yall would have seen it n gotten sick of it in some forced hetero romantic bullshit. we have one damsel in distress with a saviour that solves all their problems just by existing n being romo with each other.

remember “my preferred dating simulator 101″? this is not mutually exclusive n from my point of view this is dangerously close to this trope. lets be real, if it was actually a thing that all ur deep rooted trauma magically disappears if someone were to waltz into ur life, we would want it. definitely. no painfully dissecting ur own problems n constantly facing them head on. real life states that this is not the case, but it will not stop us from dreaming. n so this trope is born n lives n will go on.

(finally) pulling aesop n eli into this, at least in my mind, u have one severely traumatized boy with lots of issues n u have this. nice mild guy who can be anything u want him to be. i hope u can see where im going with this, n thats the direction i see some elisop heading towards (i dont read a lot of elisop to be fair). if u came from my eli character talk, i mentioned that it is incredibly one sided. this is exactly what im talking about.

putting it all together in case u havent already, aesop is the damsel in distress, whose problems magically disappear because of elis godly kindness n little to no work on improving himself, n they lived happily n gayly ever after.

can u tell how much that does not appeal to me. 

never mind the butchering of character that inevitably happens somewhere somehow, the unrealistically perfect themes n implications of this trope makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is, of course, due to personal reasons, n i definitely see the appeal of this dynamic because i would probably have been interested in this once upon a time as well. but as i am now, with everything i have explained up there n everything i have been through, i would politely rather not.

n its difficult to think of another dynamic, because of how little i know about eli apart from him being this saint, which easily makes him a candidate for being aesops trauma panacea. never mind aesop rarely, if ever, does anything for eli as a character in return, n its so damaging to buy into this rhetoric, where a person like this who would solve all ur issues no strings attached exists somewhere in the world. they really dont. a relationship has to be mutually benefitting, or it will be draining n disastrous. maybe u say, Oh its nice to imagine it once in a while. n yeah, i agree, except once in a while is a little difficult to keep track of n that is sort of what happened to me. id rather stay as far away as possible from this kind of unrealistic fantasy, i just got this shit sorted out with myself n my boyfriend.

i have some other reasons, but theyre more personally problematic, so i wont go into them here. but this is mostly n generally why i do not ship elisop romantically. if u do, u do u, and have fun, but again dont expect me to join u. thank u for coming to my ted talk, this took a lot longer than expected.

[eli-writes-sometimes]

guess who's having Ideas

[erixyin]

Idk where i saw this but i need to write my own

MLQC Boys React - MC wearing their shirt/tshirt as a dress in public.

Note: have been dating for a while, like 6 months?

A little NSFW but not too bad x

Victor:

You had stayed over at his for the weekend and now it was Sunday and you had run out of clean none-casual clothes. And you had forgotten to pack any with you or go shopping because you had been very distracted all weekend. By victor without a shirt on wahhhhhh

You rummaged through his closet quickly. Boi was already at work he had a 6am meeting. You dont know how he has the energy to do that. You would literally die if someone said you have to be out of bed before 6am

He looked at his long fancy shirts and you had an idea. You grabbed the one that felt the nicest and that was not the boring grey shirts he usually had. It was a purple silk shirt and it came down to about your knees. MC is so small.

Little did you know that that was literally one of the most expensive shirts he owned...

NOT IN THE CAPACITY TO KNOW FANCY BRAND NAMES OK

You sinched it in at the waist with a belt you had worn over the weekend and put on some gold earrings and necklace. You finished the look with black tights and your black doc martens, PRAYING that no one at work would mind that you looked more SMART CASUAL than SMART.

You thought u looked hella cute in the mirror so u went to work at 9am.

You had forgotten you had a meeting with Victor at 11am.

he did a double take when you walked into the room.

He squinted at your “dress” and you could tell he was going through his memory bank of where he had seen it before.

“Is that... new?” He asked eyeing you every so often before glancing back down to your weekly report

“Uh... yeah relatively. Do u like it?” You asked innocently batting your eyes.

“Where’s it from?” He passed you back your report, forgetting to give any negative comments unusually. He thought you looked hella cute but he totally wasn’t going to tell u that.

“I-I can’t remember.” You blushed hiding behind the report a little.

He stood up and leaned against the front of his desk, now towering above you casually. “I thought you had enough clothes, without needing to borrow mind”

Ok. Now you were bright red.

“D-d-do you not like it?” You stammered and then flashed him a cheeky smile, “i can take it off and give it you back”.

Victor’s hear stopped momentarily before going “Dummy” and patting you gently on the head.

You walked out of his office 2 hours later feeling on top of the world. that’s not the only thing you were on top of

Mr CEO was surprisingly in a good mood for the rest of the day and even gave Goldman a small smile. GOLDMAN IS FREAKING OUT.

Lucien:

It had been a last minute decision sleepover... totally innocent absolutely nothing happened what are you talking about.

Lucien had already left for a lecture he was giving at the university. You had promised to meet up with him once he had finished his schedule.

Now you totally COULD simply go back to your apartment and pick out something you’d worn a few times and Lucien had seen you in. OR you could actually conduct an experiment of your own and make Lucien hella blushy - even if boi went a little red it would be a triumph in himself. BOI HAS A BETTER POKER FACE THAN VICTOR HOW

Being a little bit devious you decided to raid Lucien’s closet. BOI LIKES TO BE STYLISH

He has everything coordinated by colour and by season/activity. Jumpers go in the bottom right next to the winter coats and shirts were hung up towards the left for those “casual days”.

Boi doesnt own a tshirt, he only knows smart casual and smart. Loungewear? Sweatpants?? Boi has never heard of em

Most of his clothes were black and white with a tad bit of grey and brown in there but you found at the very back of the wardrobe a white shirt with pink butterflies patterned over it. Masculinity is so fragile, let the man wear pink. He can OWN it.

You decided to go for it and match it with thigh high suede wedges to give yourself a little extra height. You sinched it in with a simple black studded belt and added nude tights. You put your hair up into a “cute messy” bun and popped a pencil in to keep it in place. You paired it with a little black satchel and “natural” makeup with maybe a red lip tint? Lucien likes a red lip and you can’t tell me otherwise

It was about 2pm and you decided to head over to the university. A little spring in your step.

You knew his schedule by now so you knew he’d be in his office round about now. You checked the times 2:30pm. Half an hour before his next and final lecture.

You entered his office, you didnt need to knock anymore. He knew it was you. Students would always giggle LOUDLY outside his office before knocking. Mainly female students and you PRETENDED not to notice.

He could totally tell you noticed and were trying to hide it

You saw him tapping away on his computer, eyes lost in data.

You plopped your bag over the sofa and walked over to his desk. Kinda annoyed he hadn’t noticed you but also kinda excited because of the build up?

He had a light smile on his face, “Hello MC, i was expecting you a little lat-“ he glanced at your outfit. Boi actually halted his sentence. You were delighted.

You saw the tips of his ears turn pink. successs

he gulped and brought a hand up to his face as his eyes looked at your outfit in detail before looking you directly in the eye, a michevious look on his face, “i haven’t seen that shirt in a very long time. Have to say, it looks better on you”. He watched as you leant over the desk resting on your elbows.

“I think the thigh highs are a nice bonus” he said making it very obvious at where he was looking.

“What time is your next lecture again Luci?” You asked sweetly, leaning over to boop his nose gently.

“Actually my last lecture had to cancel due to some strange unforeseen circumstances”, he said typing the email as he spoke.

“Isn’t that lucky?” He chuckled while glancing at the office door

You gave him a brief kiss on the cheek, “very lucky”

He didn’t make it to the 3pm lecture

Gavin:

He had left some of his clothes at yours before heading out on a mission. He’d been gone for a few days but he had called and said he would be home soon. Weekends were usually spent with you waiting for gavin. He had promised he would stop going on big missions now he had something to come home to.

You kinda got bored waiting for him, because he said he’d be home today. You had told Eli that if he came back with a new bandage you were going to kill him and make him sit in a salt bath. Eli knew you weren’t joking.

You decided to pull out one of the many tshirts he had left at yours. It was an old rock n roll band tshirt. You didn’t know them too well but Gavin had liked to listen to their music every now and then. He didn’t wear it that often anymore, it was a bit too tight on him since he had bought it in his college days.

You had washed it already because you sometimes slept in it. You had been binge watching DIY youtube videos all day when you had a great idea. You really liked the look of the cut out ladder look the girl had done in her youtube video so you decided to do the same. You grabbed a pair of scissors and got to work.

You also decided to give the thsirt a little bit of a v-neck but leaving a piece around the neck for that fake choker look. You looked at your handy work and decided you really quite liked it. The back wasn’t too exposed because of the laddered look but you could always wear something underneath like a mesh top.

It came down to just lower than your thigh. You looked at yourself in the mirror. Considering it was the only piece of clothing you had on right now besides your little running shorts, you thought you looked really cute.

You spun around happy when you saw gavin staring at you COMPLETELY RED outside the window.

“Gavin!” You squealed excitedly as you went to open the window and let him in.

The wind blew underneath your dress/tshirt a little to lift it. You quickly pulled it back down.

Bird cop has stopped working

“You look...” Gavin stood in front of you staring at you. You could see there was a new scar on his neck and arm but no bleeding on any of his clothes.

“I’m so glad you’re home!” You wrapped your arms around him, breathing in his scent

He hugged you bag but went even more red - is that even possible??? - when he felt that the back was laddered and an entrance to your bare back.

“Um you look... very cute” he was now imaging you wearing all of his clothes. Boi was beetroot red someone help him.

“I could pair this with some denim shorts and it would be a date night outfit yeah?” You said taking a step back and spinning round for him

MC why u wanna make this precious boi jealous?? XD

He pulled you in for a quick kiss, “no this is just for me. You’re mine. No one else can see you looking this...” he paused as his ears started to go red again, “good”

Safe to say you didnt kill him for discovering he had several bruises across his back. BUT MC U SAID NO BANDAGES OR BLEEDING SO TECHNICALLY ITS FINE

Kiro:

You had woken up super late - like 11am - after gaming and doing other stuff.... all night. Your body still kinda hurt and ached a little... clearly from doing all of that just dance marathon stuff. If you think kiro isn’t a just dance kinda man i will fight you

The bed was more spacious than normal and you didn’t have a cute blonde cuddling up next to you. Odd. You looked over towards the bathroom but the light was off.

God what day was it? You reached over sluggishly to the bedside table and looked at your phone. It was Wednesday but thankfully you were having a week off after finishing a big project with Kiro’s help.

You had worked the hardest with the late nights and the weekends you had sacrificed. Anna and Kiki thought it was best for you to have a little holiday.

You stretched and sat up. You looked around. Kiro’s jeans were gone and phone. Maybe he had gone to the shops?

You honestly couldnt remember if had anything in his schedule today. Even though he was taking a mini holiday himself - you both timed it perfectly - he still had to do interviews here and there to make Savin happy.

You rubbed your eyes. You didn’t remember where you’re clothes from last night were but they were in NO state to wear. Clearly because of all the sweat from just dance AND NOTHING ELSE ;)

You opened Kiro’s walk in wardrobe. You lazily looked for something to just wear so that you could walk round the house, comfortable but not just nude. Kiro’s house was big and Savin had a key

You picked up a signature yellow and white tshirt that Kiro often wore to events and fan signings. It matched his hoodie but it was perfect for the warmer weather.

Boi was only a few inches taller than you so it JUST came to below your butt. You’d have to bend from the knees and not the waist. Unless you want your butt to be on show.

You found some black unused underwear and popped them on. You debated onto weather you could be bothered putting socks on or not. Then you remembered that Kiro had central floor heating so nahhhhhh

You wandered round the house looking for Kiro. Your bare feet making a gentle thudding noise across the marble floor.

You gave up home when you couldnt find him in the games room or living room so you decided to go get yourself a snack.

You walked in and froze as you saw Kiro. In front of a camera. A LIVE camera. And Savin sat just out of frame.

You just remembered that wednesday afternoons were the weekly Kiro livestreams.

KILL ME

Boi instantly caught your eye and then looked at what you were wearing - barely anything

Whatever he was saying before he was silent. Boi was SHOOKETH. He COUGHED LOUDLY and went a bright scarlet red from his neck to his face.

The livestream chat was going mental as they couldnt see you from the camera angle positioned on Kiro’s face. They were wondering what he was getting so worked up about. It was a really good job that the camera could only see from the waist up

“H-hey guys, sorry I’m gonna have to cut the livestream short.” Savin had his head in his hands, “I’m just not..” he stole another glance at you while you were trying to reach the top of the shelf where the cookies were and his tshirt lifted up higher exposing more. “I’m just not feeling too good.” He chuckled bashfully as he rubbed the back of his neck embarrassed.

The chat soon filled up with #get better soon kiro as well as #curiouskiro was trending. Some people speculated that Kiro might have a lover. The fan theories went mental.

“I’ll see you guys next week bye!” And the livestream ended. You blushed as you saw Kiro’s gaze and you crunched on your cookies while looking at the floor.

Savin got up to go and leave and sort things out for Kiro online, to make ensure his reputation wasn’t going to fall because of this unexpected situation.

“Thats my tshirt!” He said as he came over to you still red

“Yeah... and?” You mumbled a mouth full of cookies. Thats not the only thing your mouth’s gonna be full of in a minute miss chips - I’m sorry please forgive me i had to XD

“Miss chips is not allowed to look that good” he whined, “i was doing an interview, i was gonna be back in like half an hour and you looked so peaceful-“

You pressed a finger to his lips to shush him, “well we can still go back to bed now...”

SAY. NO. MORE

Boi picked u up and carried you upstairs, bridal style.

A week later you made your relationship public. At first the fans were a little upset but then soon adored you when you revealed a little of why Kiro was so blushy the previous Wednesday. #blushyboikiro was trending for a MONTH

BONUS: Shaw:

He had to rush off to his exam in the morning after promising to meet up afterwards for breakfast/lunch

This was at 8am. [bitch you aint getting out of bed at 8am on a day off? Beauty sleep is very important]

His exam was three hours long [the pain of uni exams, i get you Shaw i get you] and you woke up at 11:39

SHIT

You scrambled for your things but the night before outfit was not really brunch appropriate so you settled for something a lil more casual [and devious]

You grabbed one of his favourite tshirts which fell down to your mid thigh, and cut a slit at the bottom and safety pinned it together [ya know for that EDGY look] [i dont know what the kids are up to these days but i saw my friend do it and she’s cool so]

You grabbed ur cropped zip hoodie, put on some thigh high stockings, put on ur black boot heels from last night and you were ready to go. [you also sprayed some perfume on ur neck, wrist and garter while u were at it. LOOK SIS YOU DEVIOUS AND U KNOW THAT SHAW LIKES IT]

You rushed out the door and thankfully the subway wasnt busy and you got there just as the doors opened and the students came plodding out. You stood there with a coffee in your hand and the other one twiddling your hair in an OH so cute way. [you know how to look cute mmkay]

Several students walked out through the doors but you didnt end up seeing him. Darn you for being so short.

So you sat down on the low wall near the university’s fountain. Your little safety pin glistening in the sun and the tshirt putting your garter on show. [we like that casual but i secretly put in loads of effort kinda vibe]

You started scrolling through Moments incase he got out early but the shitty university wifi meant that it wasn’t refreshing. Furthermore the sun was shining in ur eyes so you couldnt really see much even when your phone was on full brightness

Then a tall shadow blocked the sun and you looked up and saw Shaw stood over you with a sleepy but piercing gaze.

“What are you doing wearing my Black Sabbath Tshirt?” He looked you up and down. Boi was clearly shook but he was damned if he was going to let you know this. Even though you already knew this.

“What you don’t like it? How did your exam go?” You said getting up to give him a quick hug. You knew Shaw had expressed he wasn’t a fan of physical affection but he secretly enjoyed the odd hug/hand holding or head scratch from you. Though he would never share this

“You really think you can distract me from your lazy sense of style?” He raised his eyebrows and looked you up and down again. You could see the twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

“Your rebelliousness has rubbed off onto me” [in more ways than one] you gave him a little spin raising your arms a little so that the top of the stockings and garter would come on show.

You could see that his nose went a little red along with the tips of cheeks. He coughed and placed both hands on ur arms firmly. “Let’s go get something to eat.” He swung you around so that you were now walking back to the subway, with his arm round you.

“But this is the way home...?” You started as you turned to look at his face, still walking

“Well we’re skipping straight to dessert” you could see the glint in his eyes and you allowed yourself to be lead.

Now that thsirt was his absolute favourite, especially whenever you decided to surprise him with it after an exam x

[abrakophile]

I was looking through a bunch of junk and found some letters from my dad when he was in the army. I’m afraid I'll accidently toss them, so maybe I’ll put them here?

OPs Name JUNE 02 03

I LOVE YOU

THIS IS MY NAME IN KURDISH

*my dad wrote his first and last name, and under it, in Kurdish*

ILL TRY AND FIND OUT HOW TO WRITE YOUR NAME AND MOMS TOO.

ITS STILL HOT. I WORK AND READ BOOKS TO PASS THE TIME AWAY.

HOW ARE YOU DOING? GOOD I HOPE. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? DO YOU EVER HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS? TELL THEM I SAID “WASSUP?” NAH, DONT TELL THEM. TELL ME WHAT YOUR THINKING. I’M TRYING TO SEND YOU SOME MORE OF MY DRAWINGS. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU? DID YOU LIKE THE DRAWING I SENT YOU OF YOU NAME? ITS ALRIGHT IF YOU DIDNY. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU DO WANT ME TO DRAW YOU.

(Flip Page)

THIS IS WEIRD! (The page does not have lines on the left side of it) i WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS PIECE OF PAPER. HaHa

I MISS YOU ALOT. PLEASE SOND ME SOME MORE OF YOUR DRAWINGS, YOU CAN DRAW ME ANYTHING YOU WANT TO.

ARE YOU BEING GOOD FOR YOUR MOM? ITS NICE IF YOU HELP HER OUT WHILE I’M AWAY.

HAVE YOU BEEN ANYPLACE NEW? HOW IS SCHOOL GOING FOR YOU? IS MOMMY GOING TO SCHOOL? I KNOW I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL WHEN I GET BACK. HOPEFULLY I GET THE CHANCE TO LEARN EVERYTHING THAT THERE IS TO KNOW. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

ALSO, ID LIKE TO DO SOME FISHING? HOW ABOUT YOU? I GUESS ILL END HERE. BE GOOD AND STAY IN SCHOOL. AND JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS.

THEYRE BAD.

I LIVE YOU OP

*hearts and x’s* DADDY

---

(I don’t know if all these pages are in order or if it’s missing any, but this was the letter in the same stack as the last but this one was for my mom. In some places his indents indicate passage of time.)

I HAVENT HAD ANY TIME TO WRITE SINCE WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD, NOT TO MENTION THAT WE CAN’T SEND MAIL WHEN WE’RE MOVING ALL THE TIME.

WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR ABOUT FIVE OR SIX DAYS, I HAVENT REALLY BEEN COUNTING. I KNOW I TOLD YOU THAT WE’D BE IN KUWAIT FOR A WHILE, BUT THAT WAS SO YOU WOULDNT BE WORRIED. I’M GOING TO KEEP THIS LETTER THOUGH, TILL I GET HOME.

ABOUT TWO NIGHTS AGO, WE DROVE THROUGH BAGDHAD, SOMEBODY SAID THAT THERE WERE PILED BODIES, I DONT KNOW IF IT WAS TRUE.

AND I GUESS YESTERDAY, A COUPLE OF PEOPLE SAID THEY SAW A MISSILE OR SOEMTHING SHOT AT US. I WAS TRYING TO FIX A TRUCK SO I DIDNT SEE IT.

ITS NOT AS DUSTY HERE IN IRAQ. IT REMINDS ME OF THE CONVOYS IN KOREA.

MOST OF THE PEOPLE WILL WAVE “HI”. SOME OTHERS DONT.

I SAW A KID OPEN HIS HAND ONCE WHILE MOVING, AND IT SAID “BUSH” THAT WAS KIND OF COOL.

OH YEAH. HERES A STORY. WHILE OUT DOING A MISSION, ONE OF OUR “BRADLEY” TANKS FIRED ON AN ENEMY AMMO TRUCK AND CLIPPED A KID. THE ROUNDS BLEW ONE OF HIS LEGS OFF AND SOME OF THE OTHER, FROM THE KNEE DOWN. SO THE MEDICS PICKED HIM UP AND BROUGHT HIM TO OUR RECONCOLIDATING POINT FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. I GUESS HE EVENTUALLY DIED FROM LOSS OF BLOOD THE NEXT NIGHT AND YESTERDAY THEY TOOK HIM OUT AND BURIED HIM.

ALSO WE PICKED UP ABOUT 25-30 P.O.W.s AND SENT THEM SOUTH.

IT GETS PRETTY COLD AT NIGHT. AND THE DAY’S ARE VERY HOT.

SINCE WE LEFT KUWAIT ITS BEEN ME AND MENDOZA IN THE FIVE TON WRECKER AND I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT ITS BEEN EXCITING. WE KEPT GETTING SEPERATED FROM THE CONVOY AND BREAKING DOWN. BUT I THINK THAT WERE BETTER NOW. HOPEFULLY.

IM STILL WAITING TO BE AMBUSHED TO MAKE ALL THIS SEEM REAL TO ME. A PART OF ME WANTS IT AND ANOTHER DOESNT.

AND IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY OUR UNIT HAS TO STAY IN UNIFORM, EVERYONE ELSE WEARS T-SHIRTS AND BANDENA’S AND RAGS ON THEIR HEAD

WERE STILL GOING NORTH. NOBODY KNOWS HOW LONG WE’LL STAY. ITS NOT THAT BAD HERE. MEANING, IT COULD BE WORSE. 

I USED A “SHIT-CHAIR”. ITS JUST A METAL CHAIR WITH A HOLE CUT IN THE MIDDLE AND THE SEAT FROM A TOILET BOLTED TO IT, GROSS.

HELICOPTERS CAN BE HEARD ALL DAY AND NIGHT. I GOT TO SEE THEM DROP BOMBS ALL DAY ABOUT 3 DAYS AGO, FROM A DISTANCE OF COURSE.

ILL BE DRIVING AGAIN, IN A MINUTE. PROBABLY RE-FUEL AND BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN. IM ENJOYING IT.

I HAVE 8 MAGAZINES FULL OF ROUNDS. NO GRENADES, BUT I LIKE IT LIKE THAT.

SOMETIMES IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT.

I GUESS ILL END IT HERE FOR NOW

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU TWO TWICE IF NOT THRICE AS MUCH AS YOU MIGHT MISS ME TOO.

HELLO AGAIN. WERE SOMEWHERE NEAR TIKRI + MOSUL. YESTERDAY, ME + MENDOZA WENT LOOKING FOR MOMENTO’S. WE BROKE A LOCK TO A NEAR BY BUNKER AND FOUND 6 A.K.47s! BUT ON OUR WAY BACK TO TURN THEM IN, MAJOR TATU GOT THEM FROM US. I WAS SO PISSED. BUT I GOT A GAS MASK w/ FILTER, A FULL MAGAZINE CLIP FROM ONE OF THE A.K.s AND A BERET WITH IRAQ 1 RANK ON IT.

I MADE A STENCIL FOR THE TRUCK WERE RIDING IN. ITS CALLED THE “GAMBLER.” YESTERDAY MENDOZA DROVE, SO TODAY ILL BE DRIVING.

IM NOT POSITIVE, BUT, I THINK WERE GOING TO TURKEY. NIETO SAYS THAT HE OVERHEARD SOMEBODY FROM S1 (or SI, I’m not sure) SAYING WE MIGHT GET PAID EXTRA FOR GOING THROUGH BAGHDAD.

I THINK NIETO’S MAD AT ME. CANT EXPLAIN WHY. MAYBE ITS BECAUSE IM RIDING WITH MENDOZA AND HE DOESNT LIKE MENDOZA TOO MUCH. OH WELL, WHATEVER REASON, HOPE THINGS GET NORMAL AGAIN. HAVE TO GO,

*hearts and xs*

TODAY IS THE 25th OF APRIL, I RECEIVED FIVE OR SIX (OR SEVEN) LETTERS YESTERDAY. THE LATEST WAS DATED 07 OF APRIL. THAT TELLS ME THAT ITS GOING TO TAKE A WHILE TO COMMUNICATE.

WE HAVENT RECEIVED MAIL BECAUSE WEVE BEEN MOVING NEVER STAYING IN ONE PLACE MORE THAN A DAY, OR TWO, UNTIL NOW. WE’VE BEEN IN THIS SPOT GOING ON FOUR DAYS TOMORROW?!

GIVE ME A MINUTE...

FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS IVE BEEN HELPING MENDOZA PULL THE ENGINE OUT OF A 5 TON TRUCK AND SWITCH IT w/ ANOTHER ONE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY BUT THE FLY WHEEL SEIZED UP INSIDE THE BELL HOUSING. ITS FINISHED NOW AND THE RUMOR IS WE’RE LEAVING  (OR MOVING) AGAIN TOMORROW.

ITS 10:33 THURSDAY MORNING. YOUR TIME IS 12:32 JUST TURNING THURSDAY.

I ALMOST CRYED WHEN I SAW ELIS PICTURE. I REALLY MISS BOTH OF YOU. LET ME BACK TO BEFORE I GOT DISTRACTED. I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SEND MAIL BECAUSE WE’VE BEEN MOVING. BUT I GUESS THAT WHATEVER THREAT THERE WAS (IF ANY), ISNT SO THREATFUL ANYMORE, WE CAN START RECEIVING AND SENDING MAIL. NO PHONE TO CALL FROM, AND NO INTERNET TO E-MAIL FROM.

THE WHOLE UNIT IS SCATTERED, SO EVEN IF I GET WHAT YOU NEED IT’LL TAKE FOREVER TO GET IT TO YOU. LET ME PULL THOSE LETTERS BACK OUT. OH WAIT. I DID LAUNDRY AND SOME UNDERWEAR THATS DRY, FELT HARD, OH WELL, WAIT A SECOND, K

I HAD TO FOLD SOME T-SHIRTS. ALL MY SOCKS ARE STILL DAMP. 

YOU CAN USE MY CONTRACT TO SHOW THAT I ENLISTED IN TEXAS AND HOWS THIS

*On a separate sheet my dad wrote a detailed note for my mom to give to someone to confirm that he did want to buy a house. He writes “I AM ALIVE AND WELL.” and “PLEASE ACCEPT THIS PAPER”, then he signed it with his scribble signature, and underneath it wrote his name in print and added “1st SQUADRON 10th CAVALRY HEADQUARTERS TROOP (I have no clue what this means)*

HOW’S THAT? HOPE I SPELLED EVERYTHING CORRECTLY. IM ALMOST READY WITH A DESIGN TO COVER THE OTHER TATTOOS ON MY LEFT FOREARM.

I JUST FINISHED LOOKING OVER ALL THOSE LETTERS YOU SENT FOR ME

IM BACK! I GOT SLEEPY SO I TRYED TO LAY DOWN FOR A LITTLE BIT. NO SLEEP. I DONT THINK. I DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH WATER TO WASH MY DCV’S AND A PAIR OF BDV’S. BESIDES FOR DRINKING WATER, BUT WE HAVE TO CONSERVE IT.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE RUMORS. TOMORROW WE’LL BE LEAVING FOR THE IRAN/IRAQ BORDER TO DO “PEACE KEEPING” FOR 3 TO 6 mths. OTHERS SAY THAT THE 4ID (i think is what this says) GENERAL WANTS TO KEEP US HERE TILL NOV., THATS WHEN 1 CAV WILL COME TO REPLACE US. WHILE OTHERS SAY WE MIGHT LEAVE BY JUNE. NOTHINGS FOR SURE.

SMALLER RUMORS FLOATING AROUND THE SITE ARE; RAMSEY AND SFC BACON ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER. SGT SIREK HAS PLANS TO TAKE NIETO AS HIS APPRENTICE AND PADIWAN LEARNER OF THE DARK SIDE. LITTLE BLACK ARNOLD IS MILITARY INTELLIGENCE FOR SPECIAL FORCES OPERATING UNDER COVER A SURVEILLENCE AS PART OF

*the rest of the page is blank*

IM BACK. TODAY IS THE 27th. I GOT BACK TO THE LITTLE CAMP AREA ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO. I LEFT YESTERDAY MORNING TO, WELL, AS PART OF DE-CON (DE-CONTAMINATION) MISSION. HERES THE INFORMATION THAT I GATHERED.

A SITE HAD BEEN FOUND THAT WAS THOUGHT TO HAVE CHEMICAL WEAPONS AND 1-10 WAS APPOINTED TO GO TO THE SITE AND DE-CON THE CIVILIANS THAT WERE GOING TO OPEN THEM. AS IT TURNS OUT THE CIVILIANS HAVE BEEN DE-LAYED AND WOULD BE SET BACK 1 DAY.

THE NBC TEAM THAT I WAS WITH WERENT PREPARED TO STAY OVER NIGHT AND AS FORCASTED BY SSG MINOR WE MIGHT HAVE HAD TO STAY 3 TO 4 DAYS. EVERYBODY WAS PISSED.

LATELY ITS BEEN GETTING REALLY COLD AT NIGHT AND WE JUST HAPPENED TO BE NEAR A RUNNING RIVER. SO THE, ITS ABOUT 9 O’CLOCK AND IM BEAT, NO SLEEPING BAG OR ANYTHING TO COVER UP WITH AND I DECIDE TO TRY AND SLEEP. I GET AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE AND I GET ATTACKED BY MOSQUITOS. NOW IM PISSED SO I DECIDED TO JUST TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT. ABOUT 10PM ONE OF THE HEMTT (this might just say “hemi”, I don’t know) FUELERS SHOWS UP AND SGT TORRES SAYS HE HAS EVERYBODYS SLEEPING BAG! THE SITES ABOUT 45 MINS AWAY AND THEY LEFT SOMETIME MID AFTERNOON TO GET OUR SHIT, I HATE THESE PEOPLE.

RIGHT NOW ITS 9:01 PM AND ITS 11:02 AM YOUR TIME. I MISS YOU.

RIGHT NOW IM GOING TO ADDRESS AN ENVELOPE AND HAVE IT READY TO SEND TOMMOROW THE 28th. IM SORRY IF IT SEEMS THAT IM NOT WRITING VERY OFTEN. FOR A WHILE WE COULDN’T. AND NOW THAT IT SEEMS WE MIGHT BE HERE A LITTLE WHILE, THEYVE KEPT ME REALLY BUSY. LET ME ADDRESS THE ENVELOPES (he drew a star here)

ALL DONE. I THOUGHT ABOUT THE HOUSE A LOT TODAY AND YESTERDAY. IM SURE BY THE TIME THIS LETTER REACHES YOU, YOU’LL HAVE EITHER GOTTEN IT OR GAVE IT UP. IM O.K. WITH EITHER DECISION YOUVE MADE.

YOUVE KEPT THIS FAMILY TOGETHER, AND THAT MAKES ME PROUD. YOUR SMART, ATTRACTIVE AND FUNNY. AND YOU DONT TAKE ANY SHIT FROM ANYBODY. I LOVE YOU.

I HOPE THAT OUR DAUGHTER TURNS OUT TO BE LIKE YOU.

I GUESS ILL MAIL THIS TOMORROW, FIRST THING, SO

EVER YOURS

EVER MINE

*my dad signed it with his scribble, and wrote his name under it. under that are hearts and x’s with my mom’s name and then my name under hers.*

[lloyds-department-archive]

talk about the drew gonzalez twins??

Ellana and Elyjah Drew-Gonzalez

Ellana: Ellie is the older twin by two minutes. Her favorite color [if it was hard to tell] is a light blue-green color, which she likes because it looks cool. Although she looks loud, she is a gentle creature who is very protective of her brother. She is bisexual and goes by she/her pronouns. She likes designing clothes and doing other people's makeup because it makes her happy.

Elyjah: Ely is the younger twin. He likes the color pink because it's a color he associates with happiness. He is pretty reserved, only talking to his sister, his partner, or his friend group. He appreciates that his sister is protective of him. Ely is a transgender male. He's asexual, androromantic, and goes by he/him pronouns. He likes writing and sometimes he helps Ellie with makeup stuff.

Both: The Drew-Gonzalez twins have one parent, they were adopted. Their father, Remy Drew, didnt want to force them to change their last name, but the twins ended up finding a better solution and use both the last name given to them by their birth parents and Remy's last name. They are identical twins [my art style doesnt do that justice]. They're both 6'2, and they dont actually have hair dye in their hair. It's hair chalk! Although the twins have their differences they have a common interest in their friend group, considering they didnt have friends before that group.

[bunny-heels]

half-life characters as people on twitter

gordon: retweets funnies and serious issues, occasionally spirals into their special interest publicly, doesnt shove his voice into issues that don't concern him, likes are full of just happy things

alyx: 50/50 on memes and world problems, commonly says their acc is a safe place, likes are full of people that are happy and hashtags to inspire people to feel good about themselves

barney: mainly retweets memes, doesnt care who you are as pong as you dont be an asshole to others, will randomly spike up in seriousness when theres a bad world problem, likes are full of stupid funny shit

eli: a mix of a dads and obamas twitter, retweets most of alyxs posts, likes are full of other dads and their daughters

kleiner: bill nye, without the swearing

magnusson: some really fucking weird mix of elon musk and neil degrasse tyson but without the memes

uriah: just retweets all the stuff from all the science twitters, makes his own tweets sometimes but writes weird, likes are full of other aliens

d0g: alyx runs it, types in dumb baby speak, 'chimken', likes are full of dogs and other dog-like creatures

judith: sorta like a mom who used to be a conservative because of her husband but now retweets a bunch of positive stuff and shows support for people in the minority, likes are full of dogs and cats

grigori: the only priest on twitter that anyone can follow because they support all religion and all people, likes are full of other religious people who do good

odessa: mark hamil, but mixed with a little more narcissism, retweets news and likes are full of other old dudes on twitter that are like him

gina+colette: joint acc, switches user everyday, never knows what the other did until the next day, 50/50 of memes and science, likes are also 50/50

griggs+sheckley: another joint acc, except user switches every few hours because someone will tweet something stupid, 50/50 of serious and memes in retweets and likes

adrian: leaves for a while and comes back a lot, annually, has a burst of tweets before he leaves, probably used to show support for the military and now retweets some posts about the bad things they do out of spite, likes are full of dogs

rosenberg: neil degrasse tyson, but not narcissistic

keller: neil degrasse tyson, all of it

breen: elon musk, but everyone finally decided not to like him

lazlo: that guy who made one tweet and went into a coma for like 10 years but instead of him coming back he never wakes up

gman: never makes his own tweets, retweets cryptic stuff, likes are full of cats and every single tweet from the aboves twitters, follows the above twitters only aswell, sometimes goes on private