#embrace multishipping and poly ships

[ultimate-marysue]

I feel like an office comedy is the best place to have a poly-cule. You get it?? It's funny because Alice is sticking her tongue down Sam and Gwen's throat

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Very very delayed (over 2 months later) responses here:

@ciaran:

huh, i sort of took for granted that that’s the appeal of non-monogamy when it comes to ships? one of my favourite poly tropes is “established couple gets attached to a supposed-to-be-temporary third”—maybe it’s also bc i really enjoy that kind of imbalance where two people have a pre-existing dynamic and a newcomer has to navigate that, a dynamic which can be configured in multiple ways

So, I do love this sort of thing, absolutely (the two as-yet unattached points of a V coming together, partly on the basis of shared emotional investment in the third person, soooo often gets me). But I'm actually talking about something slightly different here - not triads, but just putting one character in multiple relationships at once, and feeling compelled to do that specifically when they're already attached to one person.

Like, I had a discussion awhile ago with some Hannibal fandom colleagues about Will Graham multishipping, and it's made me realize that the Will Graham multishipping scenarios that my mind most instinctively concocts are, in fact, post-canon scenarios. And the entrenchment of Hannigram during that time period is exactly why - it's a reason to get him involved with more people, not a reason not to. Embracing Hannibal fully, and by extension embracing the long-suppressed parts of himself, just seems like it could naturally be followed by him having further erotically violent entanglements with other people! And I am invested in those dynamics reflecting back on Hannigram in some way, because they triangulate with everyone, but I am absolutely not invested in them developing into full-blown, codified triads. Hopefully that clarifies what I mean!

@epochryphal:

exactly exactly exactly! not “frequent and easy” but rather “rolls into further exploration, such that stopping feels artificially curtailed, even if few POIs are actually found” — and it’s terribly interesting to play out different unfoldings of multiships without a long lingering on the very first connection, so there’s momentum, impetus, energetic movement even

@ducktoothcollection (I can't tag you for some reason!):

ooh, yeah, I relate to that but had never really managed to articulate it before! It feels like a natural extension of “the sky is bluer and grass is greener because I’m in love”. (for me it tends to translate less into nonmonogamy and more into “monogamy plus five unrequited crushes” bc I’m a horrible introvert but y'know)

I'm really glad to know other people can relate. It's not a POV I've ever seen articulated before in specific. "Frequently attracted to people" and "not seeing being in a long-term relationship as a barrier to having other relationships" are articulated all the time, of course, but "specifically being motivated to seek other relationships with I'm already with someone"/"feeling attracted to more people more easily when I'm already interested in one person", as the direct inverse of what some monogamous people report feeling, less so.

Thoughts on nonmonogamy and fandom -

I think part of the shape of my own inclination towards nonmonogamy is that - I see some monogamous people say that they just don't feel much attraction towards other people or inclination to be involved with other people while they're partnered up. And I honestly feel like the direct inverse of that - it's much easier for me to be attracted to people in general if I already have one point of interest established. Because it puts me back in that mindset, and gets me more in tune with that possibility. This is why I find the framework of monogamy restrictive - because so much of how I feel attraction is about expansiveness, something that goes beyond that specific person. Exclusivity in a relationship would feel like clipping my wings, putting a cap on the joy I feel.

(This has sort of created a frustrating "entry level job/3-5 years of experience needed" learning curve to be hurdled for the past 2+ years, honestly, because after several false starts I just haven't been able to muster that kind of crush-like investment in someone that would rekindle that possibility more broadly and generally. Which is fine, as I'm more content directing my social energies elsewhere for the time being, but it does feel hard to explain, since most people associate nonmonogamy with being very easily and frequently romantically interested in others.)

But anyway, I've come to realize how much this informs my approach to fandom. My impulse is very often to explore my multishipping scenarios for a member or members of the main couple after they're together. Because it just seems natural and intuitive to me that of course being settled and happy with one person would make a person want to explore other similar connections, and because romances are most meaningful to me when they awaken some sort of erotic potential within the self that extends beyond the bounds of that specific relationship, and grants new context and shape to other connections. And it can be... alienating, to get struck with the reminder that many other people equally intuitively conceive of endgame coupledom in the opposite manner, and take it for granted that partnering with someone is the end of the line and indicates being fulfilled in only that person.