#especially in respect of caste and status

[raspberry-gloaming]

I'm curious to what type of robes she would be allowed to wear. Like everything on Gallifrey, clothing seems to be linked to rank, even if it is mainly to do with how many shevrons your robes have in classic who. Leela is different - an outsider, but also has the rank of lady. I feel like there's a big debate amongst time lords of whether its worse for her to wear time lord tm robes without being a timelord or to where her home culture's clothing with so much exposed skin. Leela on the other hand doesn't give one fuck. She is cutting the sleeves off robes and suddenly they have the worst of both options.

really the most plausible clothes for leela to wear would be modified time lord robes. like she just nicks some standard robes and cuts the sleeves off to the horror of all time lords everywhere. and rolls with it

[starlightgum]

[Honest] Na Baek Jin x Reader (NSFW)

Synopsis: You’ve been dating the head of the Union and childhood sweetheart, Na Baek Jin, for some time now. Your boyfriend was everything you imagined him to be and more: loving, kind, and caring.

Despite all his qualities, his packed schedule and work kept him busy and away from you. As you grow restless with the passing of the days without seeing him, you end up missing him terribly and finally decide to pay him a visit in his personal office.

Warnings: Explicit (+18)

Note: This is quite the first piece of writing I’ve ever uploaded, I loved Weak Hero Class 2 and the lack of Baek Jin works were honestly disheartening, so I had to step in. This is not proofread nor corrected, also, please keep in mind that English is not my first language. It’s entirely self-indulgent!

✦✧✦✧

You shift in your shoes before looking up to the metal door in front of you. The hallway where you were accompanied by one of the guys at the front gate from the bowling club was empty but well illuminated.

You knew the man inside the room was waiting for you, as he was informed beforehand of your presence. Regardless, you knocked out of respect, bumping your knuckles twice and waited.

Placing your hand on the knob, you didn’t twist it until you heard a clear and deep “enter” echo throughout the walls.

As you opened the door, you peered inside until your eyes found the other set of inquiring and sharp ones, steadily expecting you from his table.

Setting your foot inside, you notice his usually hard gaze visibly softening. You close the door behind you before dropping your school bag onto the sofa unceremoniously and slowly making your way to his desk.

Your follow the edge of the table with your finger as you cast a quick glance at his surroundings. On the desk there were neatly arranged pens, a box with organized files, and color-coded documents.

Near his hand were his water bottle, his two phones, his personal and work one, and in the corner tucked safely were his keys, hanging with a small charm with your initial matching with your own B hanging from your bag.

A gift you gave him the first week you began dating, which he gladly accepted with a small smile and a pat on your head, although curiously asking why.

You knew everything about him when you began dating—his status, his work, and especially his enemies, so you also knew you couldn’t endanger him or yourself by giving out your relationship so easily.

Normal things like uploading your couple pictures online to boast him to your friends, hanging around in the city at any time, or having your photo in his phone case—those small variables were risks

You knew, and you accepted everything that loving him entailed. That’s why you had to be subtle. Even if it felt a bit overwhelming at times.

Baek Jin on his side was setting the documents he was holding before on the surface and turning his chair towards you, all without ever stopping looking at you ever since you walked into the room.

As he came to face you, he slowly rolled his very tense shoulders until his back was fully resting against the chair. His stare slowly drinking you in, as he was recharging from not seeing you physically for days. A slow smile started to form on his face.

The white turtleneck was hugging his torso nicely, topped with a light black jacket and some wasted dark jeans. A comfortable attire you suppose he changed into after classes when he was working at his "business".

His hair was nicely brushed and neatly kept, just the way he liked. The white light coming from the lamp was showing a nice contrast to his profile, which made his features look even sharper if possible.

You wondered how he managed to look so well-kept and dressed with how little time he had and how little he rested.

“Have you eaten yet? It’s nearly dinner time, y'know,” you muttered, while letting yourself appreciate the fond expression on his face, only reserved for you.

Baek Jin was a very hardworking man. He was always busy; when he wasn’t studying, he was volunteering; when he wasn’t doing extracurricular activities, he was working in the union; and when he wasn’t being a multitask man, he was also your boyfriend. 

And the fact is, that you missed your boyfriend very much.

“I was waiting for you, actually” he mused when you got close enough that your knees touched. He was sitting with his legs in a relaxed, wide stance, a hand supporting his chin, as he analyzed every single detail, from your shoes to your hair—a routine you got used to.

True to his high capacities, he was also a thoroughly observant individual; he always took care of his belongings. He also could only trust a few people, which he could count in one hand. For these few particular beings, he would do anything to ensure their safety, be it fight for them or kill for them. Therefore, he needed to be strong, sharp, aware, and instinctual. Which didn’t always play in your favor.

“Is that so? If I hadn’t come, would you have starved?” You half-jokingly asked with a small grin as you raised your hand to poke his forehead to ease the tension in his brows as he took notice of your demeanor.

From the exterior, you looked relaxed, a playful facade playing on your face, but your eyes couldn’t lie to him, nor your body.

You were fidgeting in place, unconsciously switching from fixing on his lips up to his sharp eyes repeatedly ever since you came into his field of vision.

And you should know better by now. You could never fool a man like Baek Jin, not him.

He suddenly took your wrist and pulled you closer. To avoid falling, you reflexively put up a knee in between his much bigger legs to balance yourself and he held your hip with a strong grip with his other hand to keep you upright.

“I know for a fact my demanding girlfriend wouldn’t leave me hungry; isn’t that so, love?” He answered with a knowing smirk, muttering the last infatuating nickname as he inched even closer until your noses bumped.

This only deepened the already shade of red forming on your face, and you tried to hide yourself from his penetrating stare into his neck. As you breathed in you noticed the smell of his expensive cologne, a sweet scent mixed with an edge of soft lavender and coconut blend.

Knowing you like the back of his hand, he rotated the chair until you were trapped between his chest and the edge of the table, effectively throwing you out of balance in the small space.

You held on to his lean chest with both of your hands, wildly meeting up an already amused expression looking down at you.

In this position, you were forced to straddle him, his strong arms encapsulating you and not letting you escape. You resignedly sat on his toned thighs as the embarrassment wasn’t stilling inside your body yet. Your uniform skirt slightly riding up as the position didn’t make it any easier.

“You’re not being fair; I came to pick you up for dinner, and you’re trying to-” you tried to struggle to avoid looking into his perceptive eyes and the hot fanning breath near your lips.

“You think I don’t know you?” He muses while wetting his lips once, your focus entirely falling into that action. “You need to be more honest with your intentions; you know better than anyone I would never deny you” as he dipped down to your ear, he whispered “anything.”

His hands slip until they rest on your half-covered thighs, thumbs rubbing small, feathery circles.

You visibly shudder in his hold, which makes him let out a low laugh you could’ve easily missed if his mouth wasn’t right next to your ear. You reach back to look up to see the damned face of your unpredictable boyfriend and notice a single strand of hair adorning his face from the movement, making him look insufferably more handsome.

You sit like this for a few moments. Baek Jin alternating between circles and taps on your thighs as he waited for you to answer, looking like he had all the time in the world to spare.

You sigh and realise there was no escape; you would have to talk.

“It's just that I missed you, I-” you mutter looking down again, focusing on his bobbing Adam apple instead to gather some courage to speak up.

However, he was having none of that, as he takes your chin almost immediately and raises it until you have to slightly crane your neck to look into his dark eyes.

“I like to be looked in the eyes when I’m being spoken to,” he demands with a warning tone that makes your back stand upright. “I can barely hear you either, dear.” He points while fake-disapprovingly shaking his head.

As he waits for your answer, his lips never leave the slight smirk, so when your shy stare finally meets his waiting eyes, his side smile only deepens until one of his sharp canines shows.

“I want us to go have dinner at that restaurant from last week again-” you start slowly, Baek Jin slowly nods as he was making a mental note to check off later.

“I’ll make time for you, just say which day” he simply answers and gives an appreciative squeeze to your hip with his large hands that sends shivers from your back till your neck.

“Also I want you to-, I want you to kiss me,” he hums affirmatively, and starts by leaving an innocent little peck on your cheek before going for another one lower on your neck.

Your reactions weren’t going unnoticed by him; the way your breaths were coming out uneven, your skin progressively heating up, and your eyelids fighting to stay open every time his lips came in contact your skin.

Leaving a wet path behind, he trailed even lower, the next kiss pressing harder into your neck.

He knew that was your weak spot. He was clearly messing around with you, and you were letting him get away with it.

Suddenly you feel his teeth slightly grazing your skin, which catches you off guard and accidentally clench your thighs around his own.

As you instinctively grind closer to Baek Jin, you feel something hard pressing into you through the clothes. A tinge of pleasure runs across your center.

At this, he suddenly halts his ministrations to hold you against him on the same spot, not letting you bulge an inch.

“And then what, beautiful?” He asks in a low, deep teasing tone only meant for you to hear, as if it were a secret. Slightly panting, he rises up his head to his height. From your position, you notice his eyes momentarily unfocused, desire pooling his dilated pupils.

His hands follow his gaze, thumb caressing your pouting bottom lip, slowly tracing the line from one corner to the other. He adjusts himself in the seat making you brush yourself against him again. You barely manage to muffle a sound coming from your throat at the feeling.

As the seconds go by, he grows more and more restless.

Surely, patience was one of Baek Jin’s best qualities. But even the strongest of the Union couldn’t hold himself back when his very own fantasy came true was sitting so prettily on his lap, in his own office.

You try to blink away the coming tears of frustration adorning your wet eyelashes. Not being able to wait any second longer, you let the distress from all these past days come forward on your next words.

“A-And I want you to fuck me.” You whimper the last words as you fist the jacket of the man beneath you. You needed him, badly. “P-Please Baek Jin”.

His eyelids drop lower as a satisfied lazy grin spreads on his face. He stands up while easily lifting you up from your upper thighs, letting your legs hang on from his hips. You hold onto his broad shoulders tightly to bring yourself impossibly closer to him.

Clearing the desk with one hand, he slips your back on the surface while speaking a promise onto your lips. “As you wish, my love.”

✦✧✦✧

[smokesandsonatas]

among the twst cast, who do you think will be the best in-laws? just asking out of curiosity, cuz i personally think that trappola fam will be chill, also i imagine them doting on their grandbabies, or like crying at your wedding day xd

- I go crazy when I receive asks like this, djsjhs. I included everyone and how I think their actions will be justified as to whether their families will be good or 'bad' in-laws.

Reader is termed as "wife" and as a normal human. -

Right off the bat, let’s start with Riddle. You and Riddle’s mother will never get along. She and her son have much to discuss anyway, and we know how Riddle even mentioned that the Queen of Hearts has a lovely relationship his parents could learn from. If Mrs. Rosehearts is strict with her own child, imagine how much more she’d be with you! She probably has a list of acceptable spouses for Riddle, so just imagine her shock when he brings you home—shock that quickly turns to rage when she realizes you’re magicless. She will be a horrible mother-in-law. Mr. Rosehearts, however, will most likely be courteous about your relationship with his son. In fact, I can see him helping you and Riddle move somewhere away from their house in the Queendom of Roses. He’ll probably attend your wedding, but Mrs. Rosehearts? Probably not. It will take a long time before Mrs. Rosehearts can accept you wholeheartedly, and when she does, tears will be shed.

The Diamond family is harder to gauge. Mr. and Mrs. Diamond would likely respect your relationship enough to make sure you’re comfortable. Cater’s sisters, on the other hand, might urge you to become their new doll—though not as extreme as they did with him. Overall, they will accept you as part of their family. And if Cater doesn’t want to attend family reunions, they’ll accept that, though they can’t help but feel a little hurt and neglected. Maybe they’ll even start to reflect on how they’ve treated their son.

The Clover family are lovely people! When Trey introduces you to his parents, they’ll erupt into cheers, baking you pastries and a personalized cake tailored to your tastes. They won’t care if you’re magicless; as long as you make their son happy, that’s all that matters. Mr. and Mrs. Clover will even offer you and Trey the chance to manage their bakery. It’ll be up to you both whether to accept. Overall, they’ll be great in-laws, and they might even make wonderful grandparents.

Deuce’s mom, Dylla, is such a girlboss! As a mother-in-law, she’ll be the cool type, letting you hang out with her at car races, driving trucks, or doing anything outdoorsy. She might even suggest that you, she, and Deuce get matching small tattoos. She’s very chill and will always welcome you with open arms. You’ll have no trouble getting along with Deuce’s mom—sometimes, Deuce even wonders if his mom loves you more than him.

Ace’s family will welcome you with open arms—and with a bunch of pranks! Mr. Trappola is a normal human, so he won’t hold your magicless status against you. Ace’s older brother, however, will endlessly tease him with some good old brotherly banter. Mr. and Mrs. Trappola will probably shed tears on your wedding day, making it a fun, sentimental, and most of all, enjoyable occasion.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The Kingscholars are royalty, so let’s be realistic: they’ll most likely not approve of Leona, their youngest son and second prince, marrying a normal human, especially a magicless one. They probably have plans to arrange a marriage with a fellow beastman from another noble or elite family, and your relationship could cause a scandal. But if Leona insists, then a wedding will happen. It will take a lot of convincing for the Kingscholars to accept you, especially since Mr. Kingscholar is ill. Falena will most likely be the first to accept you, either out of love for his brother or perhaps because he sees you as a key to fixing his strained relationship with Leona. Cheka, on the other hand, will love you! In fact, he might prefer your company over his lioness mother’s, though he won’t admit it.

Grandma Bucchi will shed tears of joy when Ruggie brings you home and introduces you as his lover. She’ll feel relieved that Ruggie has found someone who’ll take care of him—a lifelong companion, since she’s not as strong as she used to be. Prepare for a deep heart-to-heart with Grandma Bucchi, who will also show you pictures of baby Ruggie! She may even drop hints that she wants a grandchild from the two of you. Yes, she takes care of the other beast children in the neighborhood, but it wouldn’t hurt to give her a mini Ruggie.

The Howl family will accept you wholeheartedly. They believe that wolf beastmen like them have only one soulmate, and if Jack has found that in you, who are they to oppose? They’re not overly bearing, but they might occasionally ask whether you and Jack plan to have little Howl children. Jack’s siblings will adore you!

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The Ashengrotto family will welcome you! Azul is their baby, so whoever Azul loves, it’s guaranteed that they’ll accept you too. It probably won’t matter if you’re a human or magicless. Azul has a way with words and will have nothing but praises for you in front of his family. Mrs. Ashengrotto might sulk a little if Azul chooses to live on land and start a family with you there rather than in the sea, but the compromise is that you’ll build a house near the seaside. Mr. Ashengrotto will likely insist on having both a sea and land wedding, though Azul probably planned on that anyway. They won’t be toxic as in-laws and will likely dote on you, but they’ll definitely want to take care of any little Ashengrotto babies you have. Sometimes, you might wonder if they’re a bit too attached to their grandchildren…

The Leech family will also welcome you. If you decide to marry one of the Leech sons—or both of them (polygamy isn’t unheard of in the sea; hey, different customs)—they’ll make sure you feel at ease. Mr. Leech, who reminds you so much of Floyd, might ask if you know self-defense. When you say no, he’ll laugh and assure you that his sons will protect you anyway. He finds it amusing that Floyd calls you Shrimpy, though there’s a certain air of intimidation when he speaks... Mrs. Leech, who reminds you of Jade, is beautiful and speaks just like her other son. She’ll ask you questions like, “My dear, how can you protect yourself when you are magicless?” with a smile on her face. At one party dedicated to your arrival into the Leech family, you saw firsthand how Mr. Leech made everyone sign...something. When you asked the twins about it, they dismissed your concerns and assured you not to worry. They’ll be cool in-laws, but they won’t disclose any personal business with you—only with their sons. No matter how much you ask about their family business, because you want to help, you’ll get nowhere (it's for your safety, they say). The Leech family will dote on you, but there’s always an underlying sense that you’ve been inducted into something much larger and deeper than just a family of merfolk eels. Sometimes they have unexpected visits to your house in land, and you had a feeling that Mrs. Leech might dote on you only so she can spend time with her Leech grandbabies...

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The Al-Asims are so supportive of Kalim! There’s a certain sense of relief that you’re not associated with anything in their world, because they might worry that whoever is with Kalim, one of the richest men on earth, would take advantage of his kindness. But you don’t. Mr. Al-Asim will provide anything you ask for and will probably give you and Kalim a bunch of mansions, cars, and luxuries everywhere. Though they likely have a list of potential spouses for Kalim, the Al-Asims are glad he chose you. However, they’d be delighted if Kalim produces an heir one day. If Kalim chooses to be monogamous, they’ll accept it.

The Viper family will be glad to welcome you. Although they belong to the servant class under the Al-Asims, they won’t force you to serve them too. You think Jamil might have something to do with this… Anyway, they really like you, and they see how genuinely you admire their son—a mere servant in their eyes, but so much more to you.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Mr. Schoenheit will adore you! Because Vil is his precious, beautiful child, that love will extend to you too. He’s a different man as Eric Venue on set and as Vil’s dad in personal life. He’s quite strict, or so you’ve heard from the actual staff on a movie he’s co-producing, but the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. The Schoenheits are hardworking, perfectionist people—not in a bad way, of course. When news breaks that you and Vil are expecting a child, either Eric Venue or Vil will put out a statement asking for your privacy to be respected. Overall, Eric will be a good in-law and a great grandfather. Imagine how cool it is to have a famous celebrity as an in-law and imagine being surrounded by a literal DILF and the most beautiful man in Twisted Wonderland. Damn. It’s a guarantee your child will be as beautiful as their father. Sometimes, though, Vil gets a little pouty when you stare at his father for a little too long…

You know the feeling of a family getting together for the first time in years despite their busy schedules to enjoy days full of celebration? That’s how Rook introduced you to his family. It is lively! The Hunt family likes you! The first thing they ask you and Rook is how the family planning is going. They’re quite a big family with six children, so they expect the same for you and Rook. Mr. and Mrs. Hunt are adoring in-laws, but when you ask about their family business, they’ll merrily dodge the questions, much like Rook does, telling you not to worry. When Rook leaves for long periods of time due to work, he’ll vehemently update you every hour. In the meantime, you and Mrs. Hunt, along with Rook’s sisters-in-law—the wives of his brothers—will go on pampering girls’ days! They’ll make sure you never feel lonely or left out, even when Rook’s away.

The Felmier family threw a celebration in your name when Epel introduced you. Grandma Marja cried, seeing how much her grandson has grown. Mr. and Mrs. Felmier hugged you tightly and thanked you for being with their lovely son, and you swore you felt a tear trickle down your cheek too. They will be loving in-laws, with a tight-knit family that supports each other. Once news breaks that you and Epel are expecting a child, another celebration will be held to welcome the new apple of their eye. They’ll likely insist on a traditional apple-themed baby shower, and they’ll spoil you and Epel with home-cooked meals, ensuring you’re both well cared for.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The Shrouds, especially Mrs. Shroud, will be ecstatic once Idia introduces you to them. Mr. Shroud, while less outwardly emotional, will be overjoyed in his own way. Over time, you’ll notice just how much he and Idia resemble each other. It won’t matter if you’re not as tech-savvy as they are; Idia already has S.T.Y.X.’s management covered. Mr. and Mrs. Shroud will show their affection in small but meaningful ways, or surprising you with thoughtful gifts—your own helmet. If any negative comments about you and Idia pop up online, they’ll be blocked faster than you can blink. Kidding—mostly. They’ll likely expect a little Shroud or two in the next few years, and they’ll gently remind you of this as they’re getting older and eager for grandchildren. Despite their eccentricities, they’ll make you feel like a cherished member of their family, though you’ll need to adjust to their unique ways of showing love and the way of their work, ergo taking care of S.T.Y.X and their various shady businesses.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The Draconias, especially Grandmother Maleficia, will formally welcome you into the family. However, the atmosphere might feel a bit too formal for your liking. A relationship with Malleus is one thing, but marriage is a whole different story. The Senate will likely oppose the union, with Grandmother Maleficia caught between keeping her beloved grandson happy and appeasing the increasingly vocal pressures from the Senate and close-minded fae who cannot accept a human—especially a magicless human—as their future queen. The weight of these expectations will hang over your relationship, adding tension to an otherwise loving bond. The prospect of Malleus Draconia marrying a human would be met with significant resistance within the Briar Valley. The fae population, steeped in centuries of tradition and wary of outsiders, would likely view such a union as a potential threat to their way of life. Some might even call for extreme measures, such as political unrest or, in the worst-case scenario, a war to prevent the marriage from taking place. However, Malleus will stand by you, determined to weather the storm together. Over time, and with Malleus’s formidable power and influence, even the most skeptical fae could be convinced that this union could bring about a new era of understanding and unity between their worlds. As for Grandmother Maleficia, though she may seem distant at first, she’ll eventually warm up to you, especially when she sees how happy you make Malleus. And should the two of you have children (the Draconias badly needed predecessors), she’ll be the first to dote on her great-grandchildren as long as she is alive, ensuring they’re raised with both love and the proud traditions of the Draconia family.

The Zigvolt family is not new to interspecies relationships, with Mama Zigvolt being a fae and Papa Zigvolt a normal human dentist. She will support you! Her fiery nature as a fae will come in handy, while Papa Zigvolt's kindness will help balance out her energy. Overall, they will be happy for you and Sebek. Grandfather Baur, on the other hand, might accept you more easily than you thought—he is not a close-minded fae anymore. He is at a point of contentment, so whoever Sebek or any of his grandchildren chooses, he will be eager to accept them. Also, he might—or might not—visit you every afternoon (he's just concerned, not excited... he says as he hands you a crocheted baby comforter) once he hears you're expecting a mini Sebek Zigvolt.

Silver’s relationship with his father, Lilia, is central to his life, so naturally, Lilia’s opinion of you will weigh heavily on him. Fortunately, Lilia err Mr. Vanrouge is likely to be one of the most supportive and understanding in-laws you could ask for. His playful and easygoing nature means he’ll probably tease you a bit, but it’s all in good fun. Lilia will genuinely be happy for Silver, and he’ll go out of his way to make you feel welcome in their home. Expect to be roped into all sorts of whimsical activities—like trying out new (and sometimes questionable) recipes, or being part of his elaborate pranks. Lilia will also be very protective of both you and Silver, always looking out for your well-being. And if you have another baby addition to the Vanrouge family, Lillia will be the happiest Fae alive.

Lilia Vanrouge is an ancient and enigmatic Fae, while appearing child-like he possesses a kind heart and incredible wisdom. While traditional in-law doesn't apply to him (seeing as he is the in-law himself), he does need someone who can stand beside him as a parental figure, particularly for Silver and by extent Malleus. Lilia’s “family” may be unconventional, but his close bonds with Silver, Sebek, and Malleus make them feel like one. He’ll cherish every moment with you, appreciating the little things that come with mortal life, and your companionship will be a light in his long existence. Your role isn’t just as a partner to Lilia, but as someone who can guide and protect Silver alongside him, offering the same wisdom, kindness, and love that Lilia has given. If you and Lilia have children, they will grow up surrounded by love, knowledge, and a deep sense of wonder, with Lilia ensuring they never lose their sense of playfulness and joy. Should it end like that then Lilia can say that he has lived it all, and he can go on to the stars wholeheartedly. He lived his life surrounded with the people he loves, finding contentment at the end of his days.

[barcapix]

A prompt Max Verstappen dating Mark Webber’s daughter?

✮ Intensive Duo - Max Verstappen

max verstappen x webber!fem!reader

sy: a small prompt for when your father, mark webber, rambles on with his lecturing after the first day of ‘25 testing, but really max is only there for you. although, your father doesn’t know your actually dating.

a/n: feel like i may extend this when i get back from work but i’ll see if it flops or not. im really sorry this took so long!! but thank you gorg<3

warnings: nope!

masterlist

the sun was dipping below the skyline, casting honeyed, amber hues over the bahrain circuit.

the pre-season testing was in full swing, each teams garages roaring with fierce engines in a newly competitive environment for the 2025 season.

but this year, its a smidge different. this pre-season is different. your relationship status is different. unbeknownst to your dad, the driver he considered to be like a second son to him, was dating his very own daughter.

although neither of you had the guts to tell him.

max was behind the wheel of his rb21, pushing through the laps with the same intensity and determination that he always remarked.

your father, mark, kept his attendance at significant events—as such testing event this year in support of redbull themselves but more so as a prominent guide for verstappen.

max was on his forty-fourth lap, his car slicing through corners and weaves as he was making it to his forty-fifth.

you both watch the telemetry on the screens, engaging with the dutchman’s lap times and car data streaming in.

“he’s pushing pretty hard today,” mark mutters, eyes trained to the screen. “i’ve noticed he’s like this every test session—chasing the last tenth.”

as you glance back over at the screen, you couldn’t help but notice the brief inconsistencies with the cars performance. “do you think he’s overdoing it?”

mark gave a small laugh. “nah, not overdoing it. he’s doing what he usually does. but with the new rb21, he may have to dial it back a little; the cars different this year.”

you nod, turning back to the figures. max’s aggressive style had turned him into a champion—multiple times—but the new car seemed a little more unpredictable.

just then, max peeled into the pit as he brought the car to a stop. it wasn’t the fastest pit stop, though—it was clear he was exhausted. he stayed in the car for a second longer than usual, adjusting his helmet before finally getting out.

the fatigue in his movements were evident. the dull efforts in raking off his helmet, the breathless exhales when communicating with the engineers and lastly, the sluggish strides as he made a sprint for the pair of you.

his arms stretch out in a subconscious, almost hug, before he promptly snapped them to his sides and cleared his throat as if he had to remind himself where he was.

easy mistake—but it’s the secrecy that counts.

“hey,” the driver greets, voice a little drowsy, but still upbeat. “how’s it looking?”

you offered him a grin and subtle wave, watching as he wiped the sweat from his face. you knew him well enough to know that if your strict-to-be father wasn’t here, without hesitation, he would of reeled you in for a hug and maybe even let his head fall against your shoulder.

although instead, he kept a respectable distance. “you’re pushing hard, as usual.”

your father chimed in almost immediately. “you’re doing good, but you’re definitely overdriving in places.”

oh great, here comes the inevitable lecture.

“don’t forget the car’s different this year, and you’re not giving it time to settle,” he points out. “you gotta adjust your driving, especially with the new aerodynamics.”

“yeah i know, i felt it. it’s definitely more stiff than last season.. it’s harder to get the balance right,” max exhales, running a hand through his hair.

you bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from reaching out and fixing the utter mess he had just made with his hair.

“i know,” mark says, nodding. “just remember—it’s all about the consistency.”

he leans in further, now using his hands as a form of declaration. “don’t chase lap times. chase stability, and everything else will come.”

max let out a tired chuckle. “yeah, yeah. easier said than done.”

the frustration in his eyes is palpable, and he hated being anything less than perfect. sure, it was only the testing of the 2025 season, but this was a setup for him to chase the world champion title again.

your father is about to open is mouth again until he spots liam across the room, immediately making a beeline for him.

“lawson! lawson, over here!”

liam, who was about to slip away unnoticed, freezes in place like a deer caught in the headlights, as your father barrels toward him.

max mellowly chuckles, sighing in sheer relief. “so.. does he scare everybody or just me?”

“that depends,” you bite back a laugh, tracing absent patterns on the back of his glove. “are you asking if he’s harsh on everyone or just you?”

he squints. “both.”

“i mean.. i don’t know, liam looks like he’s getting a handful,” you nod in their direction.

you both glance over, and it’s true. liam is stuck fidgeting with the visor of his helmet in his hands—looking mortifyingly terrified at your fathers instructions.

max huffs a hushed laugh. “poor guy. he’s not getting out of there anytime soon.”

“neither are you,” you tease, jabbing him playfully into his chest. “you know he’s gonna circle back and go away on a tangent about something evermore irrelevant.”

max flutters his eyes closed as if he was mentally and emotionally preparing himself for whatever your father was going to counteract him with.

“do you reckon i can get back onto the track before he turns around?” he genuinely suggests.

you raise a brow. “what, and leave me with him?”

“eh i’m sure you can tolerate him more than i can,” max chuckles, flickering his gaze back to you. “sometimes he can be a d—”

you cut him off with a dramatic cough, folding your arms. “are you forgetting that’s my dad?”

“i’m choosing to forget,” he shrugs, scratching the back of his neck. “just momentarily.”

“momentarily why?” you question, confused.

the dutchman tilts his head to the side, his eyes narrowing down to your lips. “so i can do this without feeling like i’m going to get punched.”

that’s all he needs to say before pulling you in by your waist, finding the small of your back and holding you steadily against him.

his lips hungrily mould into yours, as your hands find a way to knead up from his jaw into his damp hair. max kisses you like he needs the adrenaline and when he gently pulls back, his fingertips find their way to your cheek.

“it’s a good thing you took this off,” you tap onto his helmet that’s loosely in his other hand. “so now you can carry on kissing me.”

max grins, tilting your chin up with his index finger. “best decision i’ve made all day.”

the gap between your faces are about to close again, until a loud, familiar boom echoes against the concrete walls; almost making him jolt.

“verstappen! i’m not done with you yet!”

you watch amused, as he groans like a man walking to his own execution.

“wait what are you—” marks voice suddenly shifts in realisation. “that’s my daughter!”

max barely has time to react before your father starts marching towards him—jaw and fists clenched.

“well i’ll see you later baby,” as he takes a swift step back and presses a gentle makeshift kiss to your forehead. “meet me in the paddock in 15—thats if im still alive.”

he shoots you one last frantic look as you barely contain your laughter—concealing it with your hands. your now-not-so-secret boyfriend spins on his heel and sprints away as your father storms after him.

sometime, somewhere, you’ll break the news.

[fyeahnix]

Ambessa Medarda expects nothing but the best from her pets. How else would she be able to show them off in front of the other warlords?

cw: wlw, consensual D/s, inspection, fondling, fingering, smut

------

"Display."

The command from behind snapped you out of your brief reverie. You spread your legs apart and placed your hands behind your head with elbows spread wide. Held still. Naked and still with your eyes cast downwards.

Warlord Ambessa Medarda hummed as she circled you. "Hm, faster this time, eh? I'd almost believe you'd been practicing without me. Even still..." Her words lingered. She stopped behind you once more, and you shuddered when her lips ghosted the shell of your ear. "...your stance"—she pushed the inside of your thigh with two fingers—"needs work. I expect them wider."

You widened.

"Forty-five degrees, pet, like I taught you," she scolded. When she reclaimed her spot in front of you, she examined the space between your legs. "Not sixty and not thirty. Don't make me repeat myself. Understood? Speak."

"Yes, Warlord."

Despite your official status as her beloved concubine, you didn't have the luxury of undermining her right now. Ambessa was a large and intimidating woman, ruthless and cunning beyond her stature. The scars decorating her dark skin dictated a thousand stories of war and betrayal, situations of life and death you'd never be able to comprehend. In what world would you jeopardize her position and claim to authority for a temporary ego boost? This wasn't the practice session for it. You'd have ample opportunities in the future.

"Straighten your back, little one." When you did, Ambessa proceeded with her study of your form. "I did inform you this banquet is important, didn't I? I see you've taken that to heart. But did I tell you why?"

You did not respond, only made the minute adjustments to your form as she demanded.

"We Noxians respect power over all, no matter what form it takes. What better way to display such power than through the subjects you command?" She paused. Gave you a once-over. She cupped your cheek with a large hand, then ventured south over your collar to balance one breast in her palm. Your lack of a reaction earned you a pleased nod. "The banquet is nothing more than a gathering of warlords eager to boast about their claims. Important, still, but a...networking event, so to speak."

You swallowed as her touch lingered at your breasts, unable to help the shiver from the possessive graze of their undersides.

"You'll be on display. At my side, of course. You are my most prized pet, after all. But you will be scrutinized by the other warlords. Touched..."

She pinched a nipple.

"...Fondled..."

Kneaded your ass.

"...Violated."

Two fingers slid along your cunt.

You whimpered and flinched, nearly dropping your stance.

"Your ability to keep your composure reflects upon me." She teased your entrance before breaching slowly. "What kind of lord would I be if I couldn't train my own pets? That's why I demand perfection from you. All of you. But especially my prize."

You dripped around the one finger that had entered you, and a single bead of your arousal slid down your thigh. You fidgeted in place, mentally begging to be put out of your misery in this godforsaken position. But you had to hold on. For you and for her.

"I have high expectations for you, pet. I need to know you're ready for what comes ahead. It'll be a special day for us both."

Your breathing grew erratic. You blinked multiple times in succession, hoping to rid yourself of this nightmare.

Another finger filled you as the pad of her thumb caressed your clit. Your breath hitched and you could not take any more.

Ambessa shot you a look that bordered between mischief and pity, a look you barely caught out of the corner of your eye. "Hm? Is there something you need to say? Speak freely."

"M-May I come? Please..."

"Already?" Her scarred lip twitched in mirth, and she withdrew her fingers, pulling a groan from your chest. "I've barely touched you."

You whined.

Ambessa tutted. "Ah ah. Don't you dare. Use your words."

You sighed instead. "Please, Warlord? Please let me come..."

It may not have shown on her face, but Ambessa broke in seconds. She found your whining unbearable, but hearing you beg never failed to make her falter.

"You did improve your timing today. Though, I still expect better from you in your positioning." She pressed her palm against your pussy, and you jerked against it, breaking your rigid stance. She sighed dramatically.

"You may."

You only lasted four thrusts after she plunged back into you. Noxian swears dribbled from your lips as your orgasm ripped through you. Shaking and spent, your knees buckled and you collapsed into her chest. Your heart clamored in your ribs while hers beat with the whisper of a soft drum, utterly calm and at ease. When she pulled her hand away, your cunt twitched and grasped at nothing.

She held you close, and you floated away in her arms to land in the plush satin of the canopied bed you sometimes shared with her on nights you desired her embrace. When your brain reset itself and your attention returned, you opened your mouth and stuck out your tongue as you were trained to clean up your messes after making them.

Ambessa wiped her still-wet fingers across and down your tongue, painting your mouth with your own essence. "You should know, pet, I don't plan for anyone to touch you in the ways I do. It would be an act of aggression against me. We Noxians may exhibit pride in our strengths, but we aren't barbarians. You can at least expect a level of respect when you're there."

When you cleaned off her fingers with your lips and tongue, Ambessa cupped your chin. "Now, what do you say?"

You locked eyes with hers, the only time you were allowed during your training and scenes. "Thank you."

"Good," she husked, and released you thereafter. "That's enough training for today. Now, come. We both need a bath. That is...if you can still walk."

[starmaidengarden]

Can I request Riddle rosehearts with a s/o that has a big inferiority complex 😫? for example they didnt confess to him (until he did) because they thought he was too good for someone like them. Pleaseee!

— riddle : x gn!reader. Self-esteem struggles, Emotional distress. dividers: uzmacchiato

Heartslabyul's rose gardens were usually where you felt the most at ease. Maybe it was the scent of fresh blossoms or the meticulous rows of red and white that spoke of control—perfect and orderly, everything in its right place. Things you never felt about yourself. You weren’t sure when your admiration for Riddle turned into affection. At first, it was simply respect. He was brilliant, confident, articulate—everything you weren't. Even in his strictness, there was a sense of purpose. People either feared or respected him, and in your case… it was both. But quietly, as time passed, something softer took root.

You loved the way his expression softened when he talked about the Queen of Hearts’ rules, how he sometimes adjusted his collar when flustered, and especially how hard he tried to be better than the boy he'd once been. You knew the stories—Trey had told you some, Cater had filled in the rest with dramatic flair. Riddle wasn't perfect. But he was trying. And that made him feel even further away.

But you? You weren’t strict or smart, or powerful. You struggled with things others breezed through. You often second-guessed your own existence in a room. And what did you have to offer someone like him? A heart too small, a voice too hesitant, and eyes that rarely met his. You could never be his equal. So you stayed quiet. Until he didn’t.

You hadn’t expected him to show up at the garden that afternoon, red robes fluttering in the wind and an expression unreadable. You were watering the roses. You barely registered his presence until his shadow crossed over yours. “I’ve been looking for you.” Your heart jumped. “I... I didn’t break any rules, did I?” looking back heart still beating. He blinked. “No. This isn’t about rules.” Then, with a short breath: “It’s something I would like to tell you.” Your grip on the watering can tighten.

“I wanted to speak plainly. I've thought about this long enough.” Riddle stood straighter, his voice calm but betraying a tremble of nerves. “I’ve admired your gentleness. Your quiet dedication. Your way of listening—not just hearing, but understanding. You see things in people that others miss. I—” He hesitated, eyes burning crimson, “I thought I’d made it obvious.” The silence that followed wasn't romantic. It was suffocating. You stared down at the ground. “I like you,” he repeated, more softly. You almost dropped the watering can. Your chest caved in on itself. “You shouldn’t.” His head tilted slightly. “I beg your pardon?”

“You’re... ,” you said painfully. “You’re brilliant and respected and strong. And I’m—” “Stop.” His voice was sharp, commanding, but not unkind. “Don't say that about yourself!” You flinched. “But it’s true. I’ve always been behind everyone else. I can’t cast spells, I’m not clever in class, and I mess up when I speak. I’m nothing like you. You’re the top student in the dorm. Why would someone like you ever look twice at someone like me?” The words spilled out like poison, old wounds you’d kept buried for too long.

Riddle stepped forward, slowly, as if approaching a frightened animal. “Is that why you never said anything? Why you avoid me when I tried to speak with you more... personally?” You nodded, eyes brimming with tears you hadn’t realized had formed. “I thought you were just being kind. Or... polite. I didn’t think I was even an option for you.” Riddle was quiet for a long moment. Then he spoke with a clarity that made your breath catch. “I never cared about status, or power, or magic ability—not when it comes to you. If anything, I envied how you made people feel at ease, how even the first-years come to you for comfort. You carry warmth in a way I... struggle to.” You looked at him then. Really looked

“I’ve made so many mistakes thinking everything had to be perfect. But the truth is, I like you because of how you are, not despite it.” His gloved hand reached for yours, tentative, but not trembling. Your breath hitched as your fingers curled into his. “I don’t expect you to believe it right away,” he said quietly. “But I’ll remind you every day if I must. Until you can see what I see.” You choked out a laugh through your tears and leaned into the warmth of his palm. For the first time in a long while, you let yourself believe—maybe you weren’t too little. Maybe you were just enough.

[river-of-wine]

Molly O'Shea is Irish on purpose. Everything about her was written on purpose for a reason. I rattle on a lot about Irish identity in Red Dead, but it seems to only be taken into account when discussing Sean when it comes to the Irish characters, and that is to be expected when Sean talks about it the most. However, it is a relevant part to every Irish character in the game. The O’Driscolls more as a unit, as we’ve only got two named members of that gang who aren’t just there to shoot you and be shot, but it’s still immensely important to recognise when discussing them and how they function, operate and exist. It’s important for Colm, and why he pronounces his name like that, his rejection of his Irish identity in favour of assimilating more with America, presenting himself as an American man, whilst taking advantage of the disenfranchised men from his same background and exploiting them just the same. It’s important for Kieran, even with his own disconnection from his culture and how out of place constantly seems to be. And it’s important for Molly. They’re all Irish on purpose. There was a choice made for this character, for every character who falls into any kind of vulnerable class in this country, in this time, in this society. There’s a reason why Dutch van der Linde - who willingly uses the exploitation and genocide of Native Americans to further his own goals, who runs a gang full of people indebted to him with no choice, no safe, realistic options other than to depend on said gang for their survival and safety - is written to be in a relationship with a young Irish woman. Molly’s age tends to be the aspect of their imbalanced relationship most frequently examined, to the point where little else about the unbalanced scales of their dynamic is looked at in equal measure here. Yeah, it’s very weird how Dutch is about young women, and it’s pointed out by Molly herself, that she - a woman who is referred to on multiple occasions as a girl rather than a woman, who is older than Mary-Beth but still clearly young herself - is too old for him. Molly being young is important and intentional, but so is Molly being Irish. She is in an abusive relationship with an older man, but she is also in an abusive relationship with an American man, and this is as inseparable from their dynamic as her age is. This is 1899 America, and this is Dutch van der Linde. This is a man we know - especially with Red Dead Redemption in mind - will exploit the vulnerable and whose violence towards women is no secret. Molly is in this gang for incredibly different reasons from everybody else around her, and even in comparison to the other Irish gang members she is out of place, but functionally, she needs the gang just the same, and Dutch has made this young, vulnerable woman completely reliant on him, only to cast her aside and refuse to give her such basic respect as her first name when she becomes more trouble than she’s worth. He does not treat Molly like a person. He does not value her feelings or her needs, he will only give her any attention when it is done in his terms, the results of his emotional abuse and neglect are nothing more than inconveniences to him. He doesn’t respect her. He doesn’t value her. The woman he gawks at, the younger, more desirable woman he attempts to make a move on when Molly loses her appeal, is a young American woman. Mary-Beth is younger, yes, but she’s also American. Molly can never be younger, and she can never be American. Molly is the only Irish woman in the gang, and it is her that Dutch is in a relationship with, and it is her who is treated by Dutch the way she is. Inherently, Molly’s status as an Irish immigrant is built into both her character and this relationship. That was done on purpose. Her poem is written the way it is on purpose. Molly is Irish on purpose. Do you see what I’m getting at here? Am I making sense?

[hyperstell4r]

No Church in the Wild

Finding yourself in a new world, you worry that your status as an outworlder will raise suspicion among the people in Teyvat. However, as you befriend the many characters you meet along the way, there seems to be a special connection between you and this world - you realise you worried over nothing. (or: isekai sagau headcanons with creator!reader) Words: 798

Sunlight pours through the gaps in the tree canopy, casting a warm glow on your skin. You expect to see the familiar ceiling of your room when you open your eyes, however, the soft chirping of birds and the faint chattering of squirrels tell you to expect otherwise.

When you sit up to take in your surroundings, the sight that lies before you is not that of your room, but a massive tree providing shade in the otherwise empty plain. Taking in the gorgeous scenery, a glowing teal butterfly catches your attention, leaving a trail of sparkles in its wake.

You soon realise what you saw is actually a crystalfly, a creature that should only exist in -

Oh this cannot be real.

Processing that you've somehow been transported to a world that should only exist in a game is an adjustment, to say the least. Deciding you need to find work if you ever want to live a normal life in this world, you join the Adventurer’s Guild. It pays well and gives you the chance to travel to different nations on the pretence of completing commissions. 

When you’re out late at night in Liyue Harbor, you find yourself gravitating towards the Wanmin restaurant. Xinyan looks up from taste-testing Xiangling’s new recipe to wave and call you over. Ever so thoughtful, Xiangling quickly makes you a bowl so you have something to eat while you talk to them. The two of them let you sit down and talk whenever you need them to lend an ear - bless them. Sometimes when you visit the restaurant, Shenhe is there too. She appreciates being able to relax in your company, seeing how you never force her to participate in the conversation while you respond to Guoba's cheerful chirps.

Nilou's dance all but mesmerises you when you watch her practicing a new choreography, perfecting her steps. You only realise you’ve been staring by the time she finishes her dance. The girl stops you from apologising for your rudeness, inviting you to watch her next performance at the Grand Bazaar. From then on, you attend as many of Nilou’s performances as you can, always bringing her water and snacks for the both of you to share while you celebrate another dance well done. There's an especially important performance one day. When you present to her the bouquet of Padisarahs you so carefully prepared, they are the most resplendent flowers that the dancer has ever seen. She almost wonders if you witnessed the Padisarah bloom for the Goddess of Flowers all those years ago.

Of course, being a member of the Adventurer’s Guild, you often have run-ins with Bennett, Fischl, and Razor. You join them on their picnics, admiring the scenery together as you tell them stories from your world. Your friends listen intently while you speak of horseless wagons made of metal and buildings that scrape the sky. It's hard to tell whether they are just being polite, or if they are extremely invested in the concept of electric toothbrushes. Nevertheless, you always enjoy these times you spend together. The weather is always perfect and you never see monsters around, as if nature itself wishes to please you.

Beidou warns you to be careful when you sit on the edge of the Crux, your legs dangling above the water; but she can't help the smile that comes with watching you and Kazuha excitedly exchange songs and poetry of the respective worlds you hail from. Your voice carries an indescribable peacefulness to it as the world seems to bend to your song. A gentle breeze blows through your hair, and you swear you can hear a faint whisper. There's one time you fall over the edge and start plummeting towards the ocean below. Kazuha reaches out to catch you a moment too late; but before you hit the water, a gust of wind lifts you up. The whispering is more apparent this time, almost as if the wind is giggling, teasing you endlessly. Kazuha, seeing your flustered expression, can't help but smile as he thinks, so you can hear it too.

You find Kirara makes an excellent adventuring partner. You often run into each other, sometimes deciding to go fishing together as a break. You opt for a rod from the Fishing Association while Kirara prefers to rely on her feline instincts, jumping into the lake. When the sky grows dark and you're sitting on the beach enjoying the grilled fish you prepared, the courier points out how brightly the stars are shining tonight - as well as how much they resemble your eyes.

In your new life, the people of Teyvat are ever so good to you and you hope for this peace to last forever, but it seems you have spoken too soon.

[marsprincess889]

Uttara Phalguni_ the bonds, the tribe, the family bussiness

Part 1

A lover AND a fighter

How to create bonds that last, how to build an empire, how to rule a kingdom

☀️

Intro/note:

Hi everyone, so this is the teased Uttara Phalguni women trope post.

A lot of these examples in media are the ones I love and have come to me in times and moments when, now I can see it in hindsight, they were relevant.

In the aftermath of claire nakti releasing her video on Uttara Phalguni men and the fairytale/story trope associated with it, I want to share my observations on this nakshatra (which is also my ascendant) and especially the women who carry it, which have been sitting and simmering in my head for a long time, longer than I knew at first, because a lot of this is kind of also my life.

I had to split this into two parts. Part 2 is right here.

This first post overviews Uttara Phalguni in general and then connects its themes to Uttara Phalguni women in various films and tv shows. The second part continues that theme, and then it ends with another review.

The main focus of these posts is Uttara Phalguni women.

Uttara Phalguni on the zodiac/nakshatra wheel

To overview this nakshatra a bit, Uttara Phalguni is a Sun ruled nakshatra in the second (out of three) stage of the civilization, bridging the signs of the Solar, fiery Leo and the Mercurial, earthy Virgo, the signs of the 5th house (pleasure, creativity, children, worship, recreation, self-expression) and the 6th house (everyday life, the mundane, health, routines, work) respectively.

The deity ruling it is Aryaman, one of the adityas, god of partnerships and contracts. Uttara Phalguni means "the latter fruitful/reddish one" 🫒, completing the fertile duo with Purva Phalguni and setting the stage for arguably the most materialistic nakshatras thematically_ Hasta and Chitra.

It's classified as warrior ⚔caste, stable/fixed in nature, and its yoni animal is the bull 🐂(male cow, yoni consort of its opposite Uttara Bhadrapada).

All of this associations have some kind of relevance to the themes I discuss later.

Setting the stage for the Uttara Phalguni story: ties, loyalties, family bussiness

5th house is coorelated to the offspring. The other two nakshatras in Leo_ Magha and Purva Phalguni, rat yonis, both relate to family trees in some way. Magha relates to them directly, connecting to ancestors and their power to give them the "claim to the throne". Purva Phalguni is about procreation and continuing the family line.

Uttara Phalguni, the last nakshatra of Leo and the first nakshatra of Virgo, is about the completion of that pattern, the fruits being ripe for harvest, the stability after the passion, the abundance and relationships within the (extended) family that carry to the work life.

Uttara Phalguni natives, having this energy in them, know and understand that all kinds of relationships should be built on honesty, truth, loyalty and support, and that takes work. They know that fun comes with responsibilities, and they know that being part of a family is a real job...

The Uttara Phalguni woman ⚔☀️🐂🫒

The family darling, the good girl, or is she?

The Uttara Phalguni woman begins as a beloved daughter or a daughter like figure in many stories. She's often privileged, good-natured and willing to help, and has the reputation of a sweet, somewhat innocent figure.

Uttara Phalguni's basis above is "wealth gained from one's family", basis below "wealth gained from one's partner", these bring about the accumulation wealth.

They are portrayed as supportive and loved by the whole family, like the person in the family that nobody can completely hate.

Despite their reputation and "princess"-like status, they always have a spirited and adventurous side to them, a strong and stubborn character that never clashes with their goodness and niceness, but, as we will see as we go on, it does often clash with her family.

We see her remain kind-hearted and sweet through time, but in almost all of their stories, she secretly (or eventually, not so secretly) feels out of place in her own family or in the imposed role.

The Sun_ Uttara Phalguni's nakshatra ruler (also its sign ruler in the Leo portion), as discussed by many in vedic astrology, is the planet of the individual in its unapologetic and radiant state. It represents the soul, as it's constant and immortal. Uttara Phalguni natives live by their integrity and hearts. They have to be true to themselves, but as family and community is important to them, they never want to hurt the people they consider to be in their tribe.

This is the beginning of the dilemma of Uttara Phalguni that is the running theme in these stories: do I abandon so much of what is dear to me and hurt my tribe, to follow what I feel in my heart?

Her image of a "good girl" is often crucially tied into it. Uttara Phalguni women, as the general archetype of the nakshatra, are not devil-may-care femme fatales, nor are they ethereal, almost mythical feminine figures, they're not the nonchalant "black cats", skilfully/secretive and manipulative women or the completely submissive, infantilized "babygirls". They're "real", kind, open, bright, spirited and honest women with honor and integrity who know themselves and their values by heart, who follow their hearts and stick to their convictions, who stand with their tribe and support the people they love. They are driven by their personal fire and guided by their bright light within. They have generous, golden hearts, ready to give to those who deserve it, ready to forgive those who they consider family, ready to stand by their loved ones' sides forever, and to shower their people with happiness and beauty.

All Virgo nakshatras represent the female/feminine in the most literal, earthly sense, and Virgo women are embodyments of that. Uttara Phalguni, being the abundant and giving/ripe one out of the three, has a unique role which has to navigate both generosity and receptivity.

All of this sounds poetic and beautiful when said like this, and it's true, but those who fail to see the worth of these women often crudely label them as "boring", "vanilla" or as "good girls" who have nothing interesting to offer other than being sweet and good. Their Earthy, grounded and stable nature, along with other classic indicators, often push Uttara Phalguni women into the role of a "girl next door"_ the easily available/accessible girl who is known for being "normal" (Lili Reinhart's Betty from "Riverdale", Olivia Newton John's Sandy from "Grease", Emma Watson's Hermione from "Harry Potter" films are great examples of the archetype, and all of these actresses have Uttara Phalguni in big three).

This image and role is also often unconciously imposed on her by her family, which dims her true light and consequently makes her desire to distance herself from them stronger and stronger. The role can be something considered "ultra-feminine"_ unrealistic standards that were born out of twisted masculine projections or the opposite_ something masculine and giving, where the Uttara Phalguni women constantly adjusts to male whims and dims herself, so that unhealthy masculine energy is satisfied.

This can easily turn into silently tragic circumstances for Uttara Phalguni women, as I explore it in part two.

So, unfortunately, these women often feel misunderstood, used and taken for granted.

Uttara Phalguni's connection to family extends to friendships and partnerships, where they treat each relationship with serious intentions but loving ease and playfulness at the same time.

With friends, they value understanding, support and loyalty. With romantic partners, they value all those things too, but since they often feel like something is always missing when viewing themselves just as a part of their family, the romantic interest serves a different kind of role.

In these stories, the choice of her love is different than what people would expect from her. She wants to state her choice and "prove" to everyone that she's more than what most make her out to be, to be seen and appreciated for who she truly is, not for the role she was pushed into.

The interesting and extremely common pattern is that, often, her partner is the one who understands her deeply and sees her for who she actually is, and often, the partner is considered to be "less than" her in one or more ways. In a lot of those stories, a big factor or indicator of her choice between duty and self-interest is a man she chooses to love, who is in some way always less privileged and often, in one way or another, part of a completely different world.

I want to mention how perfect Saturn ruled individuals are for them as romantic partners. Saturn people, in my opinion, are really the only other planet type(this can also apply to other Sun-ruled individuals..) that notice and recognizes her for who she actually is. Refer to the Sun women part in this post to read my take on it. Saturn is also connected to hardships, representing which type of individuals Sun women feel best with, as two of the Sun and two of the Saturn nakshatras are yoni consorts.

Sybil Crawley (U.Phalguni Sun Jessica Brown Findlay) in Downton Abbey, Sarah Cameron (U.Phalguni Moon and Asc Madelyn Cline) in Outer Banks, Queen Clarisse (U.Phalguni Asc Julie Andrews) in The Princess Diaries, Elena de la Vega (Uttara Phalguni Sun Catherine Zeta Jones) in The Mask of Zorro, Princess Isabella (U.Phalguni Asc Sophie Marceau) in Braveheart, Winnie Foster (U.Phalguni Sun Alexis Bledel) in Tuck Everlasting_ all fictional women who are in love with lower class men/men considered "below them". Their love for them is clashed with their love for their family of birth or the obligations that they feel come with their status in the family.

Since her choice of a partner is often not approved, Uttara Phalguni women often fall into the trope of "dating what daddy hates", which combines her desire to follow her heart with the willingness to defy her family.

There are more examples, you'll see them throughout the post.

...

In "Downton Abbey" a kind-hearted daughter of an Earl (Uttara Phalguni Sun Jessica Brown Findlay) falls in love with the family's chauffer. They bond over their shared ideals and values and she decides to marry him, even though she knows her father is going to disown her.

Uttara Phalguni Sun native Jessica Brown Findlay plays Sybil Crawley_ the youngest daughter of the Earl of Grantham. She's known to be kind, helpful and supportive, adored by her whole family (that is not exactly the case with her two sisters and two of them are at each others' throats constantly, but they both love her).

She treats the servants like her friends, gets interested in politics and attends rallies and meetings. She's open minded and supportive to people around her, and her traits make her parents smile at first, but later they turn into a reason for conflict.

Spoilers: she ends up marrying him and after she herself passes away, her husband becomes an essential part of the Earl's family. He also helps to save the estate and becomes a brother to her two sisters, being genuinely loved by everyone, just like his late wife wished.

In the end, she brought a blessing to the family, even if it seemed like the opposite at first.

In "Outer Banks" the daughter ("kook princess") of the wealthiest man of the island_ Sarah Cameron (played by Uttara Phalguni Moon and Ascendant Madelyn Cline) falls in love with leader of the "Pogues"_ a friend group of the poor kids from the other side of the island. Her turbulent relationship with her father is one of the highlights of the show, which is not uncommon for Uttara Phalguni women in real life (I asked my followers and others publically and you can see the comments for yourself).

Like in many stories feautring Uttara Phalguni women, she's seen as too proper or boring from distance/from most, or even seen as a spoiled and stuck-up by some. Only her love interest_ John B sees her as who she is (something that is extremely common among U.Ph women in fiction and I think in real life too): spirited, brave, compassionate and full of integrity.

Uttara Phalguni women are rarely, if ever hesitant to fight for their true values, especially when it comes to love, and they're always ready to to stand by their partner. As I have said many times, they take their bonds seriously and conciously or unconciously view all of them as "marriage", in the sense that they consider all parties bound by both mundane and cosmic law.

In Vedic texts, even on websites that can be easily found online, moon in Uttara Phalguni is considered a great day for couples to get married, one of the rare ones to be so, and according to some, the best one.

"In sickness and in health", they are ready to stand by and fight alongside their beloved. Being a fixed nakshatra, having a bull yoni and ruled by the radiant Sun, these women are steady and reliable sources for people in their lives, especially their romantic/sexual partner.

In "The Mask of Zorro" the daughter (secretly adopted) of the governor of California (Uttara Phalguni Sun and Ketu Catherina Zeta-Jones) meets a rogue rebel and people's hero_ Zorro, falls in love with him and gets on his side, standing against the man who raised her in order to do what she felt was right.

Uttara Phalguni Sun and Ketu native Catherine Zeta-Jones plays Elena De La Vega (known as Elena Montero), daughter (secretly kidnapped and adopted) of Raphael Montero, governor of California, powerful and influential politician. She falls for a masked men fighting for the freedom of people, against the man who raised her. Once again, her love for and attraction to someone "below" her is in conflict with her traditional duties and obligations.

This story also has an important element of feeling out of place in your family, like the examples before, but here the issues with a father figure is even more apparent.

Sun rules the father, and the sign of Leo (and the 5th house), in which Uttara Phalguni begins, relates to linages and procreation. 6th house_ the house of Virgo (where most of Uttara Phalguni falls), relates to work in its traditional and hyper-mundane sense, as it's the place of "the material" in every sense of the word.

In Uttara Phalguni, there's a theme of family feeling like a job or a chore, even if money and "privileges" are theirs because of it, just because the emotional connection and support isn't there.

To go back to the "good girl" image that these women feel trapped in, Elena herself expresses her struggle during a confession:

Elena: I dishonored my father.

Alejandro (Zorro/the masked man/her love interest, pretending to be a priest): That is not so bad. Maybe your father deserved it.

Elena: What did you say?

Alejandro: I said, tell me more, my child.

Elena: Well, I try to behave properly, the way my father would like me to. But I'm afraid my heart is too wild.

Alejandro: Too wild?

Elena: Yes.

At the end of that scene, he tells her something_ the conclusion that Uttara Phalguni natives eventually have to reach:

"Seorita, you have done nothing wrong. The only sin would be to deny what your heart truly feels. Now, go."

Catherina Zeta Jones has Uttara Bhadrapada moon too (and yoni consorts do share many traits) but in this film I think that her Uttara Phalguni Sun and Ketu are emphasized, due to the themes of her character and the fact that Antonio Banderas only has Uttara Bhadrapada (yoni consort, Saturnian) as moon.

The full scene (please watch):

The theme of complicated or strained relationships with fathers or father figures among Uttara Phalguni women is depicted really well in this film. This often overlaps with the theme of defining family as bound by blood or from the heart. We could also connect this to the idea of "chosen family" as family through marriage to see why exactly marriage and relations (and other gains) through it is such an important theme here ("Wealth gained from one's partner").

In "Tuck Everlasting", a teenage girl named Winnie Foster, played by Uttara Phalguni Sun Alexis Bledel, falls for a young man from a family of oucasts, despite knowing that her rich parents would disapprove. In this story too, the Uttara Phalguni heroine wants to experience something "more" than what the confines of her obligations offer, as she feels inadequate or miserable there, and in even in cases where she does not, it's still not something she's ever fully satisfied with.

A more tragic example is Princess Isabella (Uttara Phalguni Ascendant Sophie Marceau) from "Braveheart" (1995) who falls in love with a foreign rebel despite being promised to a prince.

As Uttara Phalguni women are often depicted as privileged, they're also often depicted as literal royalty, as the themes of Uttara Phalguni are all important for powerful families.

"Wealth accumulated through one's partner"_ Royal through marriage

In "The Princess Diaries" Uttara Phalguni ascendant Julie Andrews plays Queen Clarisse. She's responsible and reliable (Earth element, sthira/fixed/stable nature, Bull yoni) but also giving and kind, loved by her people (a general pattern among Uttara Phalgunis, especially women, is love from the community).

In the second film it's revealed that although her marriage was arranged (she became royal by marriage, another U.Ph theme), she and her husband King Rupert were great friends who truly cared for, supported, and in a unique way, loved each other. The Queen describes it like this: "We became very fond of each other... he was my best friend". 

But all that time, she and the head of royal security_ Joe, were not so secretly and quetly in love with each other.

Uttara Phalguni women are often the embodyments of "marriage/wife material", the best candidates on the marriage market who, for one reason or another, many men want/is the best choice.

An interesting example would be Cora Crawley for Downton Abbey, played by (most likely) Uttara Phalguni moon Elizabeth McGovern. In this text she's talking to a newfound admirer who she enjoys spending time with, not because she has any ill intentions towards her husband, but because he gives her more (and much needed) time and attention than what her life as the wife of a Count and mother of grown women can offer. Early in the show it's revealed that Robert Crawley (played by Purva Phalguni sun Hugh Bonneville, making them a "Phalguni" pair) pursued her for money, to save the estate, but within in a year he was head over heels for her. It's shown many times and in many ways that their marriage is remarkably strong (no matter the challenges) and that Cora is incomparable as a wife and even as daughter-in-law to a notoriously harsh/critical (and a force to be reckoned with) Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (played by Uttara Phalguni moon Maggie Smith, a character who also joined the family by marriage).

The lack of true appreciation that Uttara Phalguni women get used to in their families, blood or otherwise, is shown time and time agsin in her story and arc. Despite coming from privilege and marrying into privilege and having nothing but sweet intentions towards everyone, Cora is still mistreated multiple time throughout the show. She also posesses strong will and character similar to other Uttara Phalguni women, showing that despite their kindness and giving nature, Uttara Phalgunis are not the kind of women to be underestimated, underappreciated or disrespected.

Cora: London scared me at first. I'd only been in a school room a few months before. But my mother was eager. Why especially? We weren't really in the first rank in Cincinnati. Still less when we moved to New York. My father was Jewish and the money was new. But there was a lot of it and I was pretty, I suppose I can say that now I'm an old lady. She thought you'd make a better match over the Atlantic. And suddenly, here I was in these vast ballrooms, and all the other girls seemed to know what to do and what to wear and how to flirt.

Her admirer: I bet you were more beautiful than all of them. More original, more real.

Cora: I certainly got a lot of names on my dance card... Listen to me bragging! Please forgive me, I never talk about myself.

Her insecurities regarding her femininity as a young woman is also a common occurence among U.Ph women, both in fiction and real life.

This storyline eventually ends with her husband, as he becomes extremely jealous, finally realizing that he should have been more appreciative of Cora and not taken her for granted.

In an interesting way, the feelings or life events that Uttara Phalguni women often go through is depicted amazingly in the show "The Great" through Uttara Phalguni moon Elle Fanning's character, Catherine.

She starts of as an Austrian lady, about to marry King Peter of Russia. She seems too "sunny" and optimistic about it, maybe even naive, but when she arrives there, despite trying to stay kind and be the best wife she could, her spirit is soon broken.

Elle Fanning's moon is in Leo and so the rulership aspect of this lunar mansion is much stronger in this story.

After she realizes that she won't be treated like she wants to, she starts her search for like-minded people who can be friends/allies in that hostile environment that seemed to constantly and overwhelmingly be against her.

Aryaman_ the "companion" God of contracts and agreements.

Catherine made the impression of a naive young woman, perhaps what people call "vanilla" today, and she was in truth sweet, but she soon learned to use that reputation to her advantage as she started plotting against her abusive husband.

"The Great" is a highly exaggerated and over-the-top dramedy that contains many themes, which include the dynamics between Sun and Saturn individuals (more specifically cow yonis as Nicholas Hoult is Uttara Bhadrapada moon), the compromise and fusion of energies through marriage (creator_ Tony McNanamara has Ketu in Vishakha) and the story of the Uttara Phalguni woman archetype as she navigates family dynamics, communities, bonds, love and personal power. Those who have watched the later seasons know that Peter is not exactly the villain, but he certainly starts out that way and for all intents and purposes, he WAS abusive to Catherine at the start.

Catherine learns to adapt (Mercury/Virgo influence) and use her cunning to gain power in little ways, through connections.

In this show too, the Uttara Phalguni woman becomes royal by marriage, but even when she was the one who gained privilege and benefitted more from the marriage on paper, her partner is still the one considered "below" her, even by Russians at court, especially the ones who know Peter well: Catherine is extremely intelligent, well-read and is generally seen as more capable than Peter in many ways, while Peter is shown as contrastingly crude and dim (at least in the beginning).

Catherine is a remarkable example of an Uttara Phalguni woman: kind, intelligent, beautiful, down-to-Earth, self-reliant, giving, ready to compromise, but she's also strong, unafraid to fight back, ruthless when overstepped.

Even though she started out in a weak position, barely tolerating the place, she naturally became the Queen who was truly feared and respected by her people (not unlike Queen Clarisse in The Princess Diaries, who reigned after her husband passed away and was greatly loved).

I highly suggest watching this show if you can.

"Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story" is similar to "The Great" and shares many themes with it. The titular heroine is Queen Charlotte of England (based on the real Queen Charlotte), played by Uttara Phalguni Sun (and possibly moon too) India Amarteifio, starts out as a foreign noble lady who is off to be married to King George of England, without her consent. She feels deeply betrayed because her own brother had an active part to play in it and failed to consider her wishes (dissapointment from family and/or men in their lives is an unfortunate running theme in both fiction and real life for U.Ph ladies).

She feels unnatural in the new country, even just because she's the subject of rude and improper discussions about her appearance. Despite this, like Catherine, she tries to settle in by beginning to find allies. She finds a lifelong friend in her servant Brimsley (although she does not know it yet) and in a new peer_ Lady Agatha Danbury, who she immediately bonds with because of their similar age and the shared struggles (being the only black women at court when it was rare and pretty much unheard of, even though they were privileged in other ways).

She's kind but sassy (like Catherine) and values loyalty in every bond she makes.

Which leads us to George_ who she tried to run away from right before the wedding.

In this story too, even though on paper she's the one who benefits more from the union, George is still viewed as someone "below" her, because of his mental health struggles. He was hidden away by his family and tortured to "heal" but Charlotte stood by him despite getting a welcome that was way less than ideal. She defied everyone who tried to "help" George and helped him truly.

Again, the Uttara Phalguni woman proves to be a real blessing to her partner and his family and in this case, his country too.

Her friendship with Lady Danbury is interesting too because it just reminded me of Catherine (from "The Great") and her friend Marial: Charlotte and Agatha befriend and understand each other easily and they are, uniquely, equals, but Charlotte is seen as more naive and "vanilla" (again, I do not know how else to describe it 😭), perhaps because she's younger. She did not even know about her "marital duties" at first. All of these were the case with Catherine and Marial.

Despite all of this, both Charlotte and Catherine find their footing and end up as beloved (more feared, in Catherine's case) and important figures. Later in her life Charlotte is shown to be exactly as sassy, kind and fun-loving as she was in her youth, but much more beloved and respected than before. Her friendships and love for George endured and the community she built is the whole backdrop for the "Bridgerton" seasons.

The beauty in this story lies with the true love that grows from their union (same is the case in "The Great" and with Lady Grantham from "Downton Abbey"): Charlotte's efforts to save and protect the marriage resulted in an enduring and unconditional love between them. As George's mental health struggles worsened with time, Charlotte became the only real person for him to rely on.

I am genuinely getting emotional remembering the ending

This is another story of the Uttara Phalguni woman being a bringer of prosperity and love to their community, and another one where she did so by following her convictions and her heart.

But as much as they can give, they need the at least the same amount given back to them, which is seldom the case, especially when these women are younger. They learn lessons about reciprocity and loyalty, and they deal with heartbreak from close people (Elena from her false father, Sarah from her father, Catherine feom her mother, Charlotte from her brother...) and the betrayal cuts them deep.

...

End of part one, part two is here.

[imustbenuts]

Wolfwood is an underdog character screwed by social hierarchy and Japanese cultural subtext more ways than one: a messy half-assed write up.

This is me saying that Wolfwood is in no way the equivalent of 'white' or even near the top in terms of class even when viewed with a Japanese lens and there's at least a few threads you can follow that will lead up to that conclusion. So to try and (badly) cover this topic as best as I can, the sections highlighted in this post will be the following

Colorism and imperialism

Tribes and burakumin

Shintoism and the burakumin people

Wolfwood's entire fucking design

I explode

Colorism

So in short. Asia has a colorism problem on top of a racism problem, but people like me get really frustrated when a more American POV is applied to try and shoehorn the discussion into purely racism. The reason is: history.

So. Japan was super imperialist back in history. And so was China, which Japan took many inspiration from in terms of language, culture, and most importantly, governance.

In order for their particular system of governance to work, both China and Japan ended up having their own respective court systems where the aristocrats and nobility would spend their days indoors as they administer governance. (Or more accurately, to be so educated, cultured and refined as the world outside implodes.) Thanks to this system, there is essentially a walled garden system where the well-educated nobles would spend their time well away from hard labor like farming under the sun.

This meant there is a greater amount of favoritism towards fairer skinned people as opposed to tan, since it became a quick indicator of class and status. Bc only laborers tended the field under the harsh sun, and women got this especially bad, bc imagine her having to tend the field like a peasant. Gasp.

Anyway bada bing bada boom white skin eventually became so associated with beauty and status. The old poverb, "色の白いは七難隠す", or White skin covers seven flaws, refers to women with pure white (sometimes powdered) skin is attractive no matter what their physical flaw might be. Think Geishas and their job of entertaining at private events with a face full of white powder makeup.

This colorism also hits men less, but the idea of status stays.

...Wink. (To note the above gif here for a sec: IMO Vash doesn't qualify as desirable purely because he's a blonde. A foreigner. An Other. But the hiding flaws part might be worth chewing on.)

And now we suddenly are looking at some kind of a vague hierarchical system. And indeed, Japan has had a caste system of sorts in with varying degrees of social mobility depending on which era you look at. The lowest in some era were slaves. And even then, there is another class even lower than that, the Burakumin. Put a pin in this bc it'll be important in the next part.

Tribes and Burakumins

There are actually, in fact, different tribes (or rather, ethnic groups) in Japan even today. Current day, the well known ones are the Yamato people, who make up 98% of the population in Japan. Mostly fair skin, black hair. East Asian.

Then there are the Ryukyuans, who live mostly in okinawa with their own culture, and then the Ainus.

I don't want to get even MORE historical, but those two groups were conquered and forcibly had their culture identity, language, and even land stripped off them. Attempted to have loyalty towards the emperor instilled towards them at various points. One might think the presence of these two might mean that there were more tribes back in ancient Japan, and, yes, you would be right!

Many of them might have been assimilated into what we think of as Japanese people today. There are always variation in skin color, hair color and facial features alone if one pays attention even in Tokyo. Not all East Asian are fair skin and have straight black hair, but an overwhelming majority do. (plus hair dyes and perms wahoo. who's to know sometimes)

One example perhaps is this. Ever watched Princess Mononoke? Did you know that part of the story centers around Ashitaka, who is part of the Emishi tribe, who are a group who has been rebelling against the Emperor Yamato for 500 years? And so he shoots samurais on the regular?

So here's the rub: the Emishi were in fact a real indigenous group who were basically conquered and assimilated. Some did resist during the 11th century, with their villages/hamlet out deep into the north of Japan. They were of course, greatly outnumbered.

These people who resisted the rule all over Japan with different identities, names and culture and survived came to be called the Eta 穢多 (lit. abundance of filth). Later, Burakumin.

EDIT: Another class of people called the Hinin 非人 are also closely associated with the Eta. 非人 lit means non-human. Hinins were more criminals in the eyes of the law, as these are the people who did not pay taxes or commited crimes like theft etc. The status is hereditary, same with Eta.

Now I mentioned the Burakumins. Burakumin are written like this 部落民, and refer to a strongly discriminated class of people who live in discriminated villages/hamlet. The kanji though, literally translates to "People who falls outside of the order", or, "Outcasts". In other words, even though there's a caste system which basically at least recognizes people as part of a governing system, the Burakumins do not qualify to even as to be human in this system.

And indeed, some of these tribes who had their culture and identity stripped off them are not even people in the eyes of the ruling government. Today, the term refers to the descendants of these people, and they do encounter a lot of discrimination and abuse in their daily lives from social to work. It's so bad that parents do not tell their children of the ancestry to avoid discrimination. Also its possible to know if one is a burakumin just by checking family names and registers jsyk, since they were once location based.

EDIT: thus the word Burakumin will refer to both the Eta and Hinin. These two are closely associated with each other even in feudal Japan.

More info by a Japanese guy regarding current day burakumin problem here on youtube.

Oh and also, many burakumin ended up joining criminal gangs like the yakuzas. Put another pin in this.

Shinto and the Burakumin people

Preface: shinto is a very sacred religion to many Japanese people and is still actively practiced today. Be respectful and just know I'm being hyper specific about this singular aspect of shinto. It is a very old religion full of fascinating history.

But to not talk about this specific topic would be to kinda miss what Studio Orange has been doing to Stampede Wolfwood so I'm just gonna do this super quick. A more indepth messy write up can be found here if you like.

Right. So. Like with many religion, Shinto was also used as a means to convince people to fall in line. One thing that Shinto has is the concept of cleanliness, in this case spiritual cleanliess. Dirtiness/defilement/pollution is generated upon contact with death, blood and disease. Being dirty would then draw evil spirits and invite terrible misfortunes, so being clean is important in Shintoism. So important that meat was considered dirty. (With the exceptions of game meat and the whole religion thing applied to them.)

It's so important that certain professions such as Butchers, Tanners, Gravediggers etc were seen as so terrible that no one but the etas, the burakumins would do it. This whole thing then reinforces the hierarchy. And meanwhile the rulers in their court and shinto priests could conduct rituals to purify themselves.

And for me, this is the most insane thing since dirty jobs like that must be done no matter what era it is. Just by being alive, people get dirty and there's no avoiding that.

Anyway. In Trigun and even Japanese media, this gets translated into what I would call The Tormented Ones Whose Hands Are Permanently Stained With Blood.

Nicholas the Undertaker was certainly an interesting choice of writing. At least imo.

FUcK

Ok now to recap. I've established that even without colonization and talking about (american pov) racism specifically, there are still very real elements of Japanese history that is too strong, too deep, to intertwined with classism to ignore.

This is the historical baggage of Japan's colorism. Whether or not if Wolfwood is a burakumin here is not the point, but rather that it borrows from that issue all of its influence in varying shades.

It's the erasure of ethnicity and culture in its totality, or to be so consumed by the bigger ruling group that this thread straight up disappears. And to be considered so unwanted that even their descendants today are considered dirty.

They abolished the feudal caste system in the 1800s by the way. Still dealing with like over a thousand years' worth of shit though.

Now I can finally talk about Wolfwood.

Wolfwood's entire character design and writing choice.

Since trimax wolfwood is the base, I'll start with that.

Dark(er) skin, sunglasses, a business suit and a kansai dialect.

All of those are significant.

Now remember that I've mentioned Fair Skin and Black Hair to be the most defining trait of an East Asian. Even people who say East Asian even casually have that specific image in mind. But Wolfwood with the exception of BLR has always been depicted as just slightly tanned especially beside Vash.

The shade fluctuates all the time depending on the artwork, but it's clear that the production staff knows the roots his character design is touching on in order to elicit that "otherness" from the Japanese audience. Which is all that above. The entire post.

Sunglasses and business suit also has a significance. One might think it's just the outfit of an average Japanese salaryman, and yes, that would be technically correct. More so though, this combo is also the outfit style of the Yakuza. Sans ties maybe bc Ww hates his organization.

This is a picture of a Yakuza group known as the Yamaguchi-gumi. Their leader stands in the middle of this photo, the oyabun/father of the group, Kuzuo Taoka. More info and another rabbit hole here.

The Yakuza are a historically violent criminal gang whose membership often consisted of societal outcasts. Outcasts like the Burakumins, who due to their status in society could not find a proper job, and suffer abuse. Being in the Yakuza meant respect and status, and turned boys into men.

All that was needed is absolute loyalty to the leader, the oyabun or the patriarch of the group. If he says it, white is black and black is white. Disloyalty means to chop one's finger off.

If any of this sound even familiar.... Well, yeah. Unhinged criminal boss Knives and his merry Gung Ho Guns.

Next, kansai dialect. So, Japanese dialects are never properly taught when one attempts to learn Japanese. It's a thing that's not Standard and therefore unnecessary to learn. We learn the -desu's, -masu's, the keigo, but never the '-yan's', the 'eenen', the 'akan' or the 'chau''s. (Or even the many other dialects out there)

I will now ask you to hold the idea that 'dialect' and 'language' can be interchangeable. The implications of the Standard Japanese is that it is the ruling class' language and the most proper form of it above all else. Seeing as the Capital of Japan is Tokyo, and their government centers there, it would not be stretch to also call Standard Japanese Tokyo Japanese.

Which means, Tokyo is the classy city and Osaka, the largest city in Kansai, is not as classy. Not as important. Not as well educated or hold as important of a place to the entire country.

It is also very common to hear Japanese people mask their dialect with Standard Japanese when they're in Tokyo, and then go back to their hometown and code switch. Because it's considered 'hick'.

Which, if you haven't considered is also a thing many of us do, I now present you the gift of this fun knowledge.

I Explode

In closing I hope this at least is interesting to chew on for anyone interested. It's by no means perfect and I might have gaps in my knowledge but fwiw, I hope it's at least fun.

Nightow has stated Wolfwood's ethnicity is ambiguous, which I would also interpret as him saying indirectly that Wolfwood is as valid an interpretation to see him as anything but a privileged guy having a good time in the story of Trigun.

It's possible that his ambiguity of roots is meant to simply elicit the idea of a "stolen child".

One fun thing I do consistently notice is that Fanon Wolfwood almost never is in a comfortable position in life even in AUs, and always somewhat broke. In both EN and JP. Which, yeah. Yeah.

There is intersectionality going on and I hope this post helps people see some of it at least. So thanks for reading! (sorry it got so long...)

Additional cool posts other people have written from their pov:

udon-tea's write up about wolfwood's unestablished canon ethnicity

interesting thoughts about tortoise matsumoto being the base and what they think of wolfwood's possible ethnicity

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

the arrangement. [part 2] l General Marcus Acacius

[PART 1]

Summary:  you have to ask General Acacius for help and you know that only one thing can convince him

Warnings: +18, smut, unprotected sex (don't do that), breeding kink, mentions of death and blood, a bit of sadness

A/N: i didn't plan a part two, but - here it is! if i disappointed anyone's expectations, i apologize. here i tag people who requested it @hidden-poet @stormseyer . have mercy on me.

Crowds of people looking for good entertainment gathered in the coliseum that hot day. You never liked this place, but your position obliged you to appear there, especially when you were invited by prominent people of Rome. It was the same this time.

You hadn't spoken to Marcus since your last meeting a few days earlier. You carried out his orders as he asked you to. Despite the pain, you appeared in the city, you also received a few guests, no one guessed that your heart was shaking. You also didn't meet General Acacius anywhere. You couldn't and didn't want to expose him to any consequences if it turned out that the Emperor would also look at you unfavorably.

"Lady Y/N, I’m delighted to see you here." the voice of one of the senators tore you from your thoughts.

"The pleasure is mine, Senator." you replied, nodding your head slightly. "Wonderful weather for the games, don't you think?"

"Wine, food and beautiful company are enough for me, games are an addition and a whim of the Emperor." the man laughed "I was hoping to see you here. The latest rumors about your... ekhm... slave. Outrageous."

"Thank you. Fortunately, the law is clear."

"Right, right!" the senator took a sip of wine. "Each of us should know our place."

"Wise words, Senator."

The lodge was filling up with more guests invited by the Emperor. More greetings and smiles, the clinking of goblets and laughter. Excitement was reaching its zenith.

"General Acacius!"

A nervous shiver ran through your body, but you decided to only cast a quick glance at the man who had joined the guests. Dressed in white and gold, his skin touched by the sun, his dark hair with a few silver strands gleamed in the rays of the sun. General Marcus Acacius looked like one of the gods' favorites.

Only the appearance of the Emperor with his closest entourage tore the group of people who were delighted with him away from him.

"Lady Y/N."

His warm, quiet voice touched you gently like a pleasant evening wind.

"General." You curtsied slightly to pay him respect.

Your gazes met, and his slight movement of the head gave you more answers than all the words he had spoken could. In one moment, you ran out of breath, and your eyes stung from the tears filling them.

"Don't show it. They're watching." Marcus said, standing so close to you to shield you from prying eyes for a moment, his hand lightly grabbed your arm, this gesture was the only tenderness he could afford in that situation.

It was the first time he had seen you so broken and his heart couldn't bear it. He wanted to take you in his arms, let you hide in his embrace and protect you from all this evil and despair.

However, all he could do was give you a few moments to put yourself back together and show an unwavering face again. But not a single tear scratched your cheek.

"I am grateful to the Gods for seeing you healthy and strong."

Although Marcus could hear a slight tremor in your voice, the people around you couldn't do that.

"Your words, my lady, are the greatest grace." He replied, taking your hand in his and kissing the back of it tenderly. "I’m grateful that I can feast my eyes on your sight today."

He saw you part your lips to say something, but the sound of trumpets tore you away. The show had begun, and Marcus could only pray that you would hold on.

His dark eyes were on you almost the entire time. He could see you clearly, you were like a statue of a goddess in one of the temples. Unwavering, strong, with a mysterious smile that appeared on your lips whenever one of the guests spoke to you. Only once did he see a crack in that wonderful facade—when Margo appeared in the arena and her spirit left her body—Marcus thought you were going to faint, but you didn't take your eyes off the bloody sand of the coliseum.

As guests and spectators began to leave the coliseum, he stood by your side again.

"My lady, do you have someone who could take you home safely?" You seemed distracted to him, and your gaze was absent. "Let me take you to my place. I don't want you to be alone."

"General... Marcus..." his name on your lips sounded like the sweetest melody to him. "Thank you, but I can't..."

"Don't make me beg you here," he whispered. "Please."

After a moment of thought, you nodded and let him lead you to the exit.

General Acacius's house was a quiet and peaceful place. The evening air was cooler and a pleasant gentle breeze blew through the open shutters, filling the rooms.

Marcus made sure that the servants prepared a bath for you and didn't bother you even when you dismissed the women accompanying you to be alone. This was your time, and he wanted to give you as much of it as you needed.

"Marcus..."

He looked up and saw you standing in the doorway of his chamber.

A silk robe gently wrapped around your still damp body. Your gaze was full of pain, but you looked at him gently.

"Y/N, please." he began, approaching you. "I beg your forgiveness, I couldn't do anything. I tried to talk to the Emperor, but I couldn't do anything. He didn't care about her, and our involvement..."

"Shhh..." your delicate hand tenderly stroked his rough cheek. "I have to thank you, Marcus. For everything you..."

"I didn't do anything! I couldn't!" he interrupted you sharply.

"But you tried. I believe in it. I couldn't demand it of you. I don't know what I was thinking, asking you to risk so much for me..."

"I would give my life for you, you know that."

Your hand slid down his neck and rested on his chest. You felt his heart beating hard, his chest heaving with each breath.

"I know Margo was reconciled with her fate. I could feel it looking at her. She was strong, but calm." your voice was calm "Maybe you won't understand this, but she was my best friend. For years. She was devoted and loyal to me. I just wish she didn't suffer."

"Death came for her quickly. Now she's calm and safe."

"Thank you, Marcus."

His hands stroked your shoulders, and his lips kissed your temples lightly. His closeness seemed as natural to you as never before.

"Stay here tonight. I don't want you to be alone with all this." He said, and when you opened your mouth to say something, he added "I know you can, you're a strong woman, but today you don't have to be like that. Let me take care of you."

His eyes were so sweetly apologetic, you knew he would take on everything you felt just to make you feel better.

"You can take my chambers. You'll find comfort worthy of a queen there."

"Marcus..."

"I won't even touch you with a finger. You're safe with me."

"I know."

You trusted Marcus completely. Even when he walked you to his chambers, he didn't insist, nor did he make any move to suggest that he wanted to go there with you. It was you who, before leaving, kissed his lips gently. No words. They weren't needed.

But sleep wasn't a pleasant escape. The minutes passed, and you still felt wide awake. You weren't sure if you had slept for even a few moments. The house was quiet, only the cicadas in the garden keeping you company during the next few sleepless minutes.

No one heard your footsteps. You quietly left the bedroom and made your way through the darkened corridors to the room where Marcus slept that night. The door opened and you slipped inside.

The room was a bit smaller than the bedroom Marcus left you in, but you could smell the same pleasant scent of jasmine and burning candles that brightened the interior. You saw him sitting in an armchair with the shutters open. You thought he was dozing, but when your hand slipped into his tousled hair he stirred restlessly.

"Have mercy on me." he whispered, turning slightly and spotting you behind him. "You would be the perfect assassin, sneaking up on me so silently."

"Is that a compliment?" you asked, a faint smile appearing on your lips.

"I'm completely defenseless around you, so yes, it's a compliment." he replied. "You can't sleep. Me too."

"This house is so quiet and peaceful." you sighed quietly as he took your hand and touched it with his lips, standing up. "I feel like I don't know the words to thank you for what you did for me, then and now."

"I didn't do anything, Y/N."

"You were my rock, Marcus. That's more than anyone else has done."

"But I couldn't save you from the pain."

"Can either of us do that?"

He stared at you intently. His eyes were full of sadness and tenderness. Maybe that night gave you courage, maybe what Marcus did made your heart open to him. But you felt so safe with him that you wanted to be even closer to this man.

You didn't push away his hand that stroked your cheek. It was a relief for his heart.

"I'm ready to fulfill my promise, Marcus." You said calmly. "I'll stay with you in this house, we'll fill its quiet rooms with the laughter of children."

"Don't say that if you don't mean it." He replied, taking your face in his hands. "I couldn't do anything against your will."

"But it's my will, it's what I want. My heart has always been yours, but I was afraid."

"What were you afraid of, love?"

"War. Death. Enslavement. You were the image of all of this." He closed his eyes, probably guessing it. "So I was unavailable to you. I wanted to get rid of this feeling, but you never made it easy for me. You were my daily fear and night dream. Everything I feared and desired. I was sure that you only desired my body..."

"I don't deserve you. I don't deserve even one of your glances, love."

"So why am I here? This is what I wanted. I want you."

You took his hand and slid it down to your chest. Only a thin layer of silk that separated his hand from your soft and delicate breast. When he squeezed it lightly and saw how you parted your lips, he was sure that grace had descended on him.

His lips collided with yours in a kiss, and his warm tongue slipped between your lips, caressing you tenderly. He absorbed you with his presence, and you submitted to him humbly. You clung to his strong body, feeling his desire grow.

The silk robe that wrapped around your body slid to the floor. You stood naked before him, his eyes adoring you.

"You'll make me the happiest man in the world by letting me love you." he whispered.

"I allow you, Marcus."

In an instant his lips were on yours again, kissing you passionately and hard, and before you knew it you were already in his strong arms as he lifted you up and carried you towards the bed.

You felt the cool sheets beneath you, and then your eyes stopped at Marcus. He took off his toga. His body looked like it was created by hands and in the likeness of gods. Broad shoulders, narrow waist. You noticed a few scars on his skin, but they didn't destroy his image. And finally his hard cock, so ready for you.

He covered you with his body, his lips roamed over your stomach and chest, showering your body with kisses. Warm lips found your nipple and closed on it, you felt his tongue teasing you sweetly. Your body arched, and Marcus' strong arm slid under you and you knew you wouldn't get out of this delicious trap.

The tip of his cock teased your entrance, and you felt yourself getting wetter with each of his movements.

"Tell me you want me, please." he whispered, kissing your neck. "I'm begging you."

"I want you, Marcus. I need you more than air. Make me yours."  

He groaned painfully, kissing your lips. Strong hands gripped your hips to position you the way he wanted you.

His tip slowly slid into you, filling you completely. You caught your breath, trying to get used to the feeling of Marcus being inside you. He must have felt the same, because you could hear his slow breathing as he buried his face in your hair.

"It's wonderful to feel you." he whispered, looking at you, his eyes as dark as ever before. "I've wanted you for so long."

"And you have me."

One strong movement of his hips, a quiet moan escaped your lips. Gods, he would give his life for that. He began to move faster, more rhythmically, feeling your pussy take all of him. He tightened his grip on your thigh, afraid that he would hurt you, but you didn't even flinch. Your fingers intertwined in his hair, pulling him closer, kissing him like you needed him to be able to breathe, and with each thrust he heard those sweet sighs escaping your throat.

He felt like a barbarian destroying something as beautiful and sacred as you. But you wanted him. He felt it in your every move, saw it in your every look. You wanted him.

"Marcus, please..."

Your velvet walls squeezed his cock harder and harder, and he knew he wouldn't last long. He'd wanted you for so long. But he wanted to see it. A few more hard thrusts and he saw your body arch in the rush of pleasure flooding your body. Your nails dug into his shoulders, and you bit your lip, feeling like you were about to fall apart. But his arms held you tight and steady. You were safe.

And Marcus didn't slow down. The way you squeezed his cock made him closer, and his movements were faster and harder now. You could feel his sweaty body against you, his quickened breath.

"Fill me, Marcus... Let me carry your child." You whispered in his ear.

He came with a loud groan, digging his fingers into your thighs so hard that you were sure you'd see bruises there the next day. Warm streams filled you to the brim.

Marcus made you his. He filled you with his seed, you'd be full of his child. If not now then soon, you were sure of it.

"Tell me you're not just a beautiful dream."

His rough voice brought you back to his arms. You looked at Marcus, his eyes full of adoration for you. He looked so vulnerable that you began to understand what he meant by calling you the perfect assassin.

Even though you were the one who promised him your devotion and loyalty, you were both on the same page.

"What if I was just a dream?" you asked, stroking his cheek tenderly, his cock was still inside you, you could stay like that all night.

"I don't want to wake up then." he replied "I don't want to see another sunrise knowing I can't have you. That would be torture."

"I wish we could stay like this forever. I feel your love and it fills my heart too." You saw his gentle smile "Let's take what fate has given us, maybe we shouldn't doubt anymore."

"So you'll stay?"

"I will. I'll be proud to be your wife, General Acacius."

"You'll be so much more." His lips brushed yours in a tender kiss "My queen, my goddess. I will worship you until the end of my days."

And you knew he wasn't lying. General Marcus Acacius was a man of honor.

And he was yours.

Forever.

☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

[colinrobinsonscardigan]

A Needlessly Thorough Examination of Raphael’s Diary Entries

A close reading by ✨me✨

-

Raphael’s diary entries are, without a doubt, some of, if not my favourite piece of video game flavour text, ever. They provide far more depth to our encounters with him in the game, an insight into his horrible little brain, and detail his downfall in three acts.

This close reading seeks to pick apart the entries, and see what they allow us to glean about this evil doom-seeking-missile of a man, starting with…

ENTRY 1

“[A chapter from a diary penned in Raphael's sybaritic hand].”

So right off the bat, this one line does a lot. His handwriting being described as ‘sybaritic’ is delightful: it’s not just neat, it’s not just nice, it’s luxurious—this is no utilitarian affair. Raphael consistently surrounds himself with fine things, so it’s unsurprising his hand reflects this, he probably wrote all these entries with a silver-nibbed, peacock feather quill or something.

It’s also notable that it’s not ‘a sybaratic hand’ it’s Raphael’s: his handwriting is distinctive. As someone who wants to be king of the Hells, and then the entire multiverse, it’s unsurprising that he wouldn’t want his handwriting to get mixed up with anyone else’s.

Lastly, this sets up a clear precedent for what Raphael’s handwriting normally looks like.


“While I have (over many a sumptuous season) cast the net of my contractual predilections both far and wide, never have I been so attracted to mortals as I am to those infested by the tadpole.”

First of all, and most obviously, his choice of words really is something: “sumptuous”, “contractual predilections”, as with his dialogue Raphael writes like he swallowed a thesaurus. Notable, however, is that this is a diary: this is private, he isn’t speaking like this to impress someone.

Whilst I do think Raphael likes to think of himself as a bit of an intellectual, it also alludes to his love of words. He’s constantly reciting poetry (his, perhaps?), Yurgir’s contract takes the form of a song, he has a giant fully stocked library. It’s showy, obviously, but I do think it displays an earnest passion for language.

This is furthered by the consideration for how his writing sounds. The sibilance (I got my Nat 5 English!) in “sumptuous season” especially displays obvious intention in regards to sound, perhaps shared by the repeated ‘ck’ sound in “contractual predilections”. This all serves to reinforce that Raphael’s love for poetry and music is more than just for appearances.

This is firmly headcanon territory, but I do wonder if Raph’s preference for poetry, music, and plays (see his frequent references to theatre), which are usually spoken aloud, are an attempt to distance himself from his father, Mephistopheles, who is basically Hell’s No 1 Wizard, and therefor almost certainly a book-guy.

Second of all, in terms of the actual things that he’s saying, Raphael essentially conveys that he finds those infected by mind flayer tadpoles unusually interesting, which I think is indicative of Raphael’s love of struggle.

He finds Hope fascinating because she’ll never bend to his will; he outright says Act 1 “I like it when my clients out up a fight, only to realise victory was never an option”; he picks up Mol and rejects Voss in Act 2, yes, because Mol is desperate and Voss has little to offer, but I suspect it’s in part because he respects Mol’s struggle, and objects to Voss’ pursuit of what he sees as an easy answer. He won’t even let you make a contract with him following his offer in Act 1! Dude this is literally your job!!!

So yes, undoubtedly the reason he finds the victims of ceremorphosis so interesting is because they are struggling against the inevitable. I also, and this is purely headcanon, wonder if this reflects the belief that he has set himself apart from his father and forged his own path, rather than accepting his nepo-baby status. Who knows!

This section also sets up the fishing metaphor he uses consistently through his diary entries, because of course he has an allegorical through-line in his own private diary.


“These particular fish find themselves splashing towards their doom, towards a steel hook unblemished by bait. How they resist the current! How inexorable its whelm, its tug, its dark undertow! At the other end of the fishing pole, the illithid. How their tentacles must quiver like cooled jelly at the prospect of more catches: more and more each day along the troubled riverbank. This process has a name I sample now aloud, to saver its taste: Ceremorphosis.”

Minor notes: the alliteration in “unblemished by bait”, and Raphael’s remark that “I sample now aloud, to saver its taste” do continue to emphasise his love of performed language.

“These particular fish find themselves splashing towards their doom, towards a steel hook unblemished by bait.” I would assume this is a reference to the fact that in order to take/corrupt mortal’s souls and take them to the Hells so they can become Devils themselves, Devils must make deals. This isn’t something illithids must do.

“How they resist the current! How inexorable its whelm, its tug, its dark undertow!” Continues Raphael’s delight in struggle.

“At the other end of the fishing pole, the illithid. How their tentacles must quiver like cooled jelly at the prospect of more catches: more and more each day along the troubled riverbank.” I feel that Raphael’s choice of “cooled jelly”, a slightly gross sounding comparison, does betray some level of disgust, disdain, or even just plain weirding-out at the notion of illithids. Remember, this the same man who brought us “sumptuous seasons”, he could have gone with something more appealing.

I personally just think he finds them icky, but maybe he’s trying to place them beneath himself: ‘yes, you kind of do the same thing I do, and maybe you do it in a more efficient manner, but I’m a lot cooler about it’. Who knows?

“I shall make crafty use of this development.”

Not much to say besides “crafty” definitely fitting with his perception of himself as a fox*: a cunning, resourceful creature. Raphael in general has an extremely high view of himself (sometimes to slightly deluded extremes) so this reinforces it, and I think it’s kind of funny.

*when Raphael meets the player, he recites the poem

“The mouse smiled brightly, it outfoxed the cat

Then down came the claw, and that, love, was that.”

If asked whether he’s the cat or the mouse, Raphael will answer ‘the fox’.


“For with the hook glinting, and death so close, what could loom larger in the stricken fish's mind than the prospect of rescue?”

So, amongst Raphael’s fixations, another which stands out maybe a little less but once you see it you can’t unsee it, is his love of perceiving himself as a saviour. He describes himself as “helper of the hopeless and despairing”, even here he picks ‘rescue’ over say ‘help’, which I (subjectively) feel has less knight in shining armour connotations. And of course let us not forget the ever-iconic "Am I a friend? Potentially. An adversary? Conceivably. A saviour? Now that's for certain".

To be absolutely clear, this is not a benevolent interest, getting people out of doomed situations is generally implied to be how he makes most of his contracts (including how he tries to, or does, make a contract with Tav). He is a saviour who takes complete and total advantage of those he “””saves”””. That said, idk, it’s an interesting thing for him to mention so frequently, and I wonder to what extent he believes it.

Still, for his possible misgivings regarding mindflayers, his final line confirms he finds ceremorphosis fascinating. “This process has a name I sample now aloud, to saver its taste: Ceremorphosis.” Perhaps because it’s very different to what do Devils, undoubtedly a little because he enjoys the struggle against the inevitable, and because, to dip wayyyy back into headcanon territory, I think it’s an erasure of the self that he finds morbidly fascinating.

Ceremorphosis, an assimilation into a hive-mind, stands starkly against the sort of prideful individualism that Raphael revels in. He wants to be King of the Hells! He wants to be the saviour! He wants to be the specialist little boy that ever lived! But becoming a mindflayer wipes out who you were, links you up to a collective consciousness, and makes you identical, cookie-cutter, incapable of going against the grain. You cannot be Hell’s specialist little boy if everyone else is just as special as you.

I think the idea of becoming a mindflayer scares him, but becaus it’s not happening to him, he finds it morbidly fascinating. It’s a bit like body horror having a tendency to appeal to those with negative/complicatef relationship with their own bodies, it’s seeing your worst fears played out whilst you’re totally safe. That said, where they did not actually turn Demi Moore into a horrible two-faced abomination for The Substance (as far as I’m aware) this is a real thing happening to real people, so it’s a little more fucked up that Raphael takes pleasure in it.

-

The only closing note I have on Entry 1, is that fishing as a choice of metaphor is important because it’s a very tranquil, very methodical form of hunting. You are not stalking your prey through the undergrowth, prey which has the chance to flee if they hear you, or you miss your shot; you are sitting back and luring your prey, and once it has bitten down on your hook it can thrash and thrash but is unlikely to get free. Fishing is even often regarded as a way to relax. This reflects the mindflayers’ and Raphael’s remove from their prey, and their relative positions of safety.

Uh, RIP king you would have loved Shakespeare.

———

ENTRY 2

Entry 2 is by far the weirdest, but it’s also probably my favourite. I will say that this whole entry, to my mind, is not supposed to tell a clear narrative (i.e. the fire represents Mephistopheles, the hooks represent his plans, etc. and when you slot those in you get a coherent story). I think it’s more representative of Raphael’s subconscious fears, and the forces he feels are acting upon him.

“[A chapter from a diary penned in Raphael's steady, imperious scrawl]”

Right in with entry 2, even before you’ve got the actual content, there’s an obvious tone difference from the previous entry. ‘Steady and imperious’ implies a lot less enjoyment than ‘sybaritic’. It’s a little more practical, there’s less flair, maybe even implying tension in the usually flamboyant cambion. ‘Scrawl’ is perhaps also a little less grandiose than ‘hand’ in terms of word choice. Still, it is collected: Raphael hasn’t gone off the deep end - yet.


“Last night I dreamt of a river. Waist-deep I waded it. Rusted hooks curled up from the water like the snaggled teeth of something ancient and diseased and submerged. The moon over the water cracked and fire flew out on the stubby wings of gormless insanely chirping chicks. They transformed into wriggling oblongs like sperm, yet by the time they hit the water they were fish with scales of orange and gold. There came a rushing sound, the dark water ablaze as if the fish were matches and the river a snake of oil. Approaching me out of the flames came the tadpole-infested. There was one among them who spoke for the rest. They gestured to the melting hooks, suddenly glanced my way, and in their face I saw they had the best of me.”

Because this paragraph is quite big, I’m going to go through it section by section for ease of reading. I would also like to point out the paragraph’s size as a possible indicator of Raphael’s descent. This is a man who delights in language, and takes pride in the way his diary is written: a structureless unburdening this not. Entry 1 has several, mostly even, short-ish paragraphs. This block of text evokes an unbroken stream of consciousness.

“Last night I dreamt of a river. Waist-deep I waded it.” These two sentences immediately place Raphael in the previous domain of the infected. Where before Raphael was the fisherman, casting his net, now he’s right in there with the fish. “Waist-deep” is also pretty deep, if you’re waist deep in a river, especially a fast moving one, you are very much at the mercy of the water. Does this represent that he feels he’s losing control over his situation? Mayhaps.

“Rusted hooks curled up from the water like the snaggled teeth of something ancient and diseased and submerged.” There are, I think, two main ways of interpreting this, but regardless this furthers Raphael being placed in the position of the fish (the en-tadpoled), no longer the hunter but the prey. Where before Raphael was either the fisherman, or a safe and removed observer, he is now in the shit with Tav and the gang. He is now in danger of being caught.

The first way of interpreting this line is that he has grown tangled in his own (and others’) metaphorical nets. He suspects (perhaps unconsciously, and almost certainly correctly if you’re rifling through his pockets) that Tav and Co, the increasingly powerful gaggle of oddballs, are going to turn against him.

He’s also battling with the Emperor, who has its own goals, and Most Certainly Does Not want Tav and Co making deals with Raphael, and is also actively subduing the threat of ceremorphosis, which was Raphael’s former point of leverage.

This also to say nothing of the rogue elements, like Gorthash and Helsik, whom Korilla accuses of spreading the word that Raphael has the Orphic hammer.

Raph may be beginning to wonder if he’s bitten off more than he can chew.

Speaking of chewing, based off Raphael’s allusion to “snaggeled teeth”, the other main interpretation I see is Raphael’s subconscious fear of being eaten. If you look in a crystal ball in the second floor of the Devil’s fee after you murder Raphael in his home, the Narrator informs you “*Within the ball you see Raphael, broken and bloody, dangling above the maw of the archdevil Mephistopheles, who is preparing to devour him.*”

Raphael’s mention of teeth could indicate this is a fate he already suspects will befall him if he fails, whether because it’s something Mephistopheles has threatened him with in the past, or because he’s seen the same fate befall others who incur his father’s wrath. It is notable that Mephistopheles is well known for killing those Devils in his court who threaten to exceed him, and it’s possible Larian feels that consumption is an appropriate execution method for a Devil as hungry for power as Mephistopheles.

I should clarify that I don’t think the hooks represent his father, rather that his choice to compare them to “snaggled teeth” indicates being eaten is one his mind (and not in a fun, sexy way!).

I think both these interpretations are valid. This whole entry is probably the most up to interpretation of all of them, and if you disagree with both these readings and/or have your own, please put it in the notes, I would love to hear.

“The moon over the water cracked and fire flew out on the stubby wings of gormless insanely chirping chicks. They transformed into wriggling oblongs like sperm, yet by the time they hit the water they were fish with scales of orange and gold. There came a rushing sound, the dark water ablaze as if the fish were matches and the river a snake of oil.”

This is a passage I am a little hard pushed to interpret, and I am certain other people are going to have different readings.

The chicks turned sperm, turned fish are almost certainly supposed to represent the tadpole infected, as indicated by the reference to fish (something Raphael previously compared the tadpole infected to in Entry 1) and sperm, something that the tadpoles do kind of resemble. The transformation from ‘gormless chicks’, a freshly hatched - flightless animal of little danger - to fish - something adapted to their marine environment- could perhaps represent Raphael’s fear that Tav and Co are growing more competent than he’d like.

I think that here fire implies Raphael’s own fears about his father. Mephistopheles is literally called the Lord of Hellfire, both for his fiery temper but also because one of the lates in Mephistopheles’ long line of arcane interests is hellfire. Mephista, the main city in Cania and where Mephistopheles resides is also often remarked upon for its warm, blazing hearths. Tldr, Mephistopheles is closely tied to fire, and it seems unlikely that Larian’s writers would have included such a prominent reference to fire without this in mind.

This doesn’t literally means that Raphael thinks Tav and Co are being aided by daddy-dearest, though Haarlep (gifted to Raphael by Mephistopheles) can end up a great ally to you in the House of Hope, rather that his father’s possible influence, or just his father in general, are on his mind.

Finally, the burning of the river is the transformation of his previously tranquil hunting grounds into something dangerous and volatile. Comparing the river to burning oil brings to mind a loss of control, something Raphael is averse to (before he fights Tav in the House of Hope he complains about their bringing chaos into his house). Raphael likes method, order, a fishing rod and bait, he doesn’t hunt his prey with oil and flame. His river no longer serves him.

“Approaching me out of the flames came the tadpole-infested. There was one among them who spoke for the rest. They gestured to the melting hooks, suddenly glanced my way, and in their face I saw they had the best of me.”

This section outright states Raphael’s fears of being bested. Out of the burning wreck of Raphael’s domain comes Tav and Co. The hooks (Raphael’s schemes and traps) are melting in the heat of the burning river. The leader, presumably Tav themself, has defeated him. This is Raphael’s worst-case scenario.


“In waking, my courage has firmed. I progress my plans for the tadpoled even now.

I am Raphael. I am not easily bested.”

For all the tomfoolery of the rest of the entry, these might be my favourite lines. Raphael dreams all of that, goes ‘nope! Not listening!’ and shoves it back down into the depths of his subconscious. No doubts to see here, folks! Because of course he is Raphael, and Raphael doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t fear, “retreat begets regret” as he once said to Mol, and he is not about to have his ambition checked.

“I am Raphael. I am not easily bested” is such a brazen display of arrogance, but paired with the entry we just read it feels more like he’s painting over the cracks. I don’t think that Raphael can admit the possibility of failing to himself, at least not consciously, but he’s kind of increasingly - though subconsciously - aware that it is a distinct possibility.

But also, he writes all of this down! For all his pomp at the end, he does not write ‘I had this really weird dream about a burning river but it probably means nothing lol. Anyway, here’s how my dastardly and most ingeniously constructed schemes are coming along.’ Raphael, is, in his own way beginning to doubt himself, which is fantastic because when you see him in the game he never comes across as anything less than 100% confident. He is bluffing, regardless of how much he would like to admit that to himself, and it adds a lot more depth to your encounters with him.

Fantastic! Peak flavour text! Amazing soup, Larian!

———

ENTRY 3

And so, this brings us finally onto Entry 3, and though I think Entry 2 is my favourite because I like my men pathetic and suffering, Entry 3 100% ends things with a bang.

“[The final chapter from a diary penned in Raphael's hand. Here and there his composed hand stiffens and moves erratically, as if he were by times seized by emotion both powerful and unexpected]”

This is it, folks! The culmination of our Raphael handwriting arc. Immediately, his hand is no longer ‘sybaritic’, not even ‘steady and imperious’ it is just his handwriting.

Furthermore, there is one thing Raphael seldom is (outside of brief bursts of quickly concealed anger) it is ‘erratic’. The handwriting and language in the first entry displays a level of care that goes into his diary, care which he has obviously been unable to maintain. Call this man officially ruffled. We have been told that Raphael is not his usual self.

“The plot thickens goes the aphorism - entirely inadequate. The plot mutates. It fluctuates. I have conceived no less than thirteen variations by which I might seize the Crown of Karsus. Yet in the tumult of this eternally flowing river of schemes, I, the most careful of fishermen, finds his catch elusive and difficult to wrangle. Even in cooperation such ambiguity and delicious surprise! But the hook has snagged, the doom of ceremorphosis has abated, yet they could not predict (could they? could they?) that in leaving behind the river they have in fact welcomed the fishbowl? I am master here. A prince of bargains cloaked like scarlet satin. All that hidden under sublimely obvious truths that cannot be discounted.”

Here again we get another large text block. Again, this diary is becoming less and less a leisure activity and more a confidante.


“The plot thickens goes the aphorism - entirely inadequate. The plot mutates. It fluctuates.” ‘Mutates’, ‘fluctuates’, these are not the words chosen by a man who is in control. ‘Mutates’ stands out especially because of its more organic connotations, the plot is alive and sick, something that undoubtedly does not appeal to the control-loving Raphael.

Also note the short sentences: these increase the tempo of the writing, like a quickening beat in music, as well as standing out as odd from the usually verbose Raphael. The staccato sentences convey a feeling of intensity, stress.

“I have conceived no less than thirteen variations by which I might seize the Crown of Karsus.” So we don’t know what Raphael’s typical number of contingencies is, but his use of “no less than” would seem to imply this is a lot for him. It could imply he is worried, and it could also be a form of self-reassurance - ‘I have devised so many ways by which I might gain the crown, surely I must succeed’ - I suspect it is a bit of both.

“Yet in the tumult of this eternally flowing river of schemes, I, the most careful of fishermen, finds his catch elusive and difficult to wrangle. Even in cooperation such ambiguity and delicious surprise!” He’s having difficulties, obviously, but Raphael of course delights in struggle, as he always does. I do think that Raphael found his battle for the Crown exciting, at least on a surface level, but I also suspect that this stroking of his own ego, describing himself as “the most careful of fishermen,” is similar to when he says he’s ‘not easily bested’ at the end of Entry 2. Yes, he believes it, he’s so far up his own arse he can probably see daylight again, but he’s also trying to reassure himself.

“But the hook has snagged, the doom of ceremorphosis has abated, yet they could not predict (could they? could they?) that in leaving behind the river they have in fact welcomed the fishbowl?” Raphael, at this point, sounds manic. “(could they? could they?)” marks the return of the short sentences, and also clearly expresses doubt: Raphael fears that he’s met his match. I’m also fairly certain the second ‘could’ should be capitalised, and if so, I feel that Raphael would have to be in a fairly dire state of mind to let slide poor punctuation.

His metaphors are also growing more strained. “in leaving behind the river they have in fact welcomed the fishbowl?” It gets his point across, but it’s not elegant, he’s stretching. Are you wanting Tav and Co as pets now, Raph? I thought you were hunting them.

This is also Raphael acknowledging that he has lost his original bargaining chip - the offer of saving Tav and Co from ceremorphosis - but he tries to reassure himself that they’re out of the frying pan and into the fire.

“I am master here. A prince of bargains cloaked like scarlet satin. All that hidden under sublimely obvious truths that cannot be discounted.”

See here the further boasting. This is Raphael at his most nervous, and it’s also when he’s the most self-aggrandising. He wouldn’t feel the need to clarify that he’s the ‘master’, that he’s in control, if he didn’t feel that control slipping. If you heard someone describe themself as “A prince of bargains cloaked like scarlet satin.” you would laugh, because it is a fundamentally ridiculous thing to say about yourself, and yet here he is, committing it to paper.

Having “All that hidden under sublimely obvious truths that cannot be discounted.” as a separate sentence is possibly for rhythmic reasons, but given the subject hasn’t changed, it should grammatically speaking definitely just be the same sentence as ‘scarlet satin’. Raphael’s punctuation has taken a wee bit of a nose-dive, which is absolutely deliberate. It is also a second, fundamentally ridiculous thing to say about oneself. On all levels possibly including physical, Raphael is white-knuckle gripping the bathroom sink as he goes through the world’s most absurd list of daily affirmations.


“So the fisherman reels! The tadpoled are my catch. Struggle as they might, writhe as they wish, flop and squirm and thresh with every ounce of strength, no matter.”

Return of the fishing metaphor, but Raphael has presumably dropped his previous ‘fishbowl’ comparison, unless we are to believe he’s casting his line into a fish-tank. There are two short sentences, followed by one very broken up one, which serves to ratchet up the tempo and tension before the final line. Raphael continues to try and convince himself of the inevitability of his victory, because surely he can’t fail.


“By all the reeking flames of Hell I will not be denied.”

What a closing line. Were I more trite, I might be tempted to call this bratty: to be clear, I do not believe he was spoilt by Mephistopheles, but his initial station as son of the Lord of the Eighth must have earned Raphael a certain level of entitlement, and the sheer magnitude of his ambition undoubtedly would have done the rest. Raphael will not allow himself to entertain the idea of failure, not least of all because he probably suspects that defeat would cost him more than the centuries of sunk time and energy.

-

My closing notes on Raphael’s final entry, is to point out how starkly it contrast with the first. Entry 1’s closing remark, “This process has a name I sample now aloud, to saver its taste: Ceremorphosis.” is an especially poignant comparison: he is savouring, he is taking his time. Compare this to Entry 3, which is rushed, impassioned, manic, and dare I say just a little bit scared.

The last entry also casts a whole new light on your final encounter with him in the game if you decide to kill him. That’s the first time you see him properly angry in the game (he quickly recovers himself if you accuse him of being scared of Yurgir in Act 2), and almost unprompted compares Tav to ‘doomed Karsus’: projecting much?

This entry shows us what was roiling beneath the surface to cause his agitation, and definitely gives an edge of desperation to Raphael’s final act. Perhaps that’s even why calls on Yurgir to aid him in his fight, someone you can make your ally instead, for a - granted, quite challenging - persuasion check, another of Raphael’s schemes you can turn against him.

———

Overall, Raphael’s diary entries serve to both reinforce and subvert what he see of him during encounters, and allow us a glimpse beneath the mask of a character who is always performing. Where Raphael wants Tav to see a cunning negotiator and saviour, one later catch seemingly completely off-guard, the diary entries paint the picture of a man driven to mania by his own ambition, and subsequently caught on the hook of his own line, then devoured.

Anyway, I do have more things I could say about Raphael’s fucked up little brain, but I think I’ll save that for another post, because this one is already pretty long.

Please, please share your own thoughts about this examination. The diary has been rattling about the echo-chamber of my own brain for weeks, so undoubtedly I have missed/misinterpreted things.

[dollyyun]

DKP 7.4, FINALE (incomplete draft)

note: this is not proofread, so what you're about to read is the finale in its raw form with horrendous typos, grammatical errors and some paragraphs and even dialogues that don't make sense so don't expect much.

also way below are spoilers/details of the unwritten scenes (also in its raw form aka messy af) again i’m sorry if they don’t make any sense. i promise the revamped will be better. do send asks if you have anything to clarify!

wc: 11.9K

Time eventually became a valuable essence you began appreciating more, as well as cultivating your career, your friendships, your familial ties, and most especially your relationship with the guys that continues to blossom, because days turned into weeks, and weeks slipped into months just like how time slipped between your fingers before you could even grasp onto it a little longer.

Just thinking about the journey you sailed throughout those periods has you breaking into a soft grin while the upturned shape of your lips can be felt on his shoulder, prompting him to cast a quick glance down at you with a raised eyebrow. It is as though the past recollections are a memorable playback in your mind with waves of nostalgia descending on you benignly. 

It has been three months since you agreed to and established a polyamorous relationship with the guys, but it certainly was not all sunshine and rainbows ─ not saying that you often had arguments with them or that your relationship was all toxic. In fact, the guys genuinely and solemnly stayed true to their words in regards to treating you better than they did before.

But at the end of the day, they’re humans too, so flaws were inevitable. There were moments when you got into minor disputes with them and felt infuriated by their actions that ticked you off the same way they felt towards yours. However, a clear rule had been established that was deemed important in your relationship: listen and hear each other out before proceeding to the communication stage, followed by any needed consolation.

Those moments were rare, but they happened, and it is cliché to say this, but after every argument or petty dispute, your relationship seemed to improve significantly each time, and you slowly began to understand each other’s flaws and complexities better with open minds. You also acknowledged that not once did they ever raise their voice or hand at you during arguments, even if anger brimmed in their veins, and you appreciated that, just as you began to appreciate every little thing they did.

To the guys, their love for you outweighs anything else, and they treasure you more than you will ever know, which is why their anger would always be short-lived, as all that mattered to them was you running and seeking comfort and home in their arms at the end of the day. All in all, they had been nothing but amazing lovers in spite of their flaws and differences.

Speaking of differences, the dynamic flow in your relationship is oddly smooth, considering that each of them has a primal instinct of possessiveness towards you, but somehow, they make it work, and no schedule is needed when it comes to the fairness of spending time with you individually. Likewise, how being in a relationship with four guys didn’t feel as awkward to you as it was in the very beginning.

Plus, your friends in Milan were informed of your new relationship status, and they were more than accepting that you’re a taken woman. Initially, you did have some lingering worries about your friend’s differing opinions despite being accepting, but they treated you just the same, only putting a little more distance now with Eunwoo and Wooseok. The two older guys have known and seen how possessive your boyfriends could get, and so they respected your boyfriends enough to establish more boundaries between you and them. But to you, the two men probably wanted to save their hide from your lovers, who are more than capable of doing any form of harm.

As for Jennifer, she still doesn't particularly like your boyfriends, but after seeing how evidently happier you are compared to the years she spent with you, she couldn’t deny that your being in a relationship with them was right and meant to be. Of course, she gave a strict warning to your boyfriends, albeit they didn’t feel threatened by her, about breaking your heart again and taking good care of you on the day she, along with her father and your boyfriends, helped you in moving out.

Moving out of your apartment, especially when it was Jennifer’s father who generously gifted your once-humble abode to you, was honestly a challenging decision because even though you were totally psyched about living with your boyfriends, your apartment held both bittersweet memories of both hardships and ease.

As for Jennifer’s father, aka Mr. Huh, his reaction was not what you expected, albeit he looked a tad astounded after he had been told of your polyamorous relationship. Since he took you under his wing for quite a period of time and regarded you like his second daughter, it was natural for you to feel obliged to formally introduce your boyfriends to him, and you couldn’t lie about how nervous you were for them because Mr. Huh is an austere man who is fiercely protective towards his loved ones and has high standards, but much to your surprise, he seemed accepting and amiable enough to welcome them to the family on behalf of your parents.

Upon watching the interaction between your father figure and the loves of your life, you couldn’t help with the guilt pulling at your heartstrings of making the decision to move out of your apartment as you felt incredibly indebted to Mr. Huh for everything he had done and for supporting you when you had nothing in the beginning of your new journey here. You consulted about living with your boyfriends permanently with both Jennifer and Mr. Huh, and you even apologised to him profusely with tears filling your waterline, but the elder reassured you that he understood your decision and remained a supportive father figure till this day. 

Both Jennifer and Mr. Huh wanted you to worry less about such trivial matters and instead, they genuinely wanted you to be happy with your life and your blooming relationship because you deserved it after going through different stages of tribulation. Just like your boyfriends, your comfort and happiness matter the most to the father-daughter duo.

On the other hand, the guys moved into the mansion two weeks before the actual date of their lease termination over the penthouse that also held memories you made with them. They refused to do it at the very last minute, and plus, it would be convenient for them in advance as they wanted to focus on helping you with packing and moving out after dealing with paperwork and other vital issues at hand.

Moving in was the easiest part, considering you had more help than you would’ve thought, but to unpack your stuff from the boxes was simply gruelling that you had to take a day to take a breather before resuming it on the day after instead. Thankfully, your room had already been meticulously furnished by them, so it lessened your burden as you only needed to unpack and organise your stuff; even so, you felt easily fatigued.

When you first stepped into your designated bedroom, a wave of nostalgia hit you like whiplash in the face while you were in awe at how similar the design and layout were to your old bedroom back at the palace in Seoul ─ the walls were painted in cream that made the room more spacious than it already was, a queen-sized bed with upholstered bedframe that looked like puffs of clouds pressing up against the wall where the windows were nearly situated and by the window sill had ample space for at least four people to sit on top of the white fleecy cushion, your very own personalised makeup vanity corner with a full-length mirror next to it, and a fairly big walk-in closet for your clothes and other storage.

You felt the sincerity and love in their efforts in the way they organised and designed your room, rendering you overwhelmed and tearing up as you felt deeply touched. The guys panicked when a single tear rolled down your cheeks, but you chuckled and reassured them that you were being melodramatic. Of course, you didn’t forget to deliver your utmost gratitude to them even though they insisted that it was nothing and that they were simply doing their job as your lovers.

Frankly, it took you almost a week to finally settle in with the help of the guys, even though they had work obligations to fulfil during the daytime, but that also meant depriving you of being intimate with them. Hence, you took the liberty to organise and create schedules for each of them who would be having individual appointments on different days with you.

The sensation of warm, soft lips pressing into your cheek pulls you out of your reverie as you blink your eyes repeatedly before looking at Jake, who has been observing you with curious eyes. “What got you smiling like that, sweetheart?” He asks with an amused smile, placing his hands on your bare thighs and rubbing them in soothing motions as you are perched comfortably on his lap with your folded legs encasing his outer thighs while he is seated on his computer chair.

“Nothing much. Just thinking about our love-life,” You say lightly with a sheepish smile on your lips, eliciting a breathy yet fond chuckle from him as he leans back into his chair leisurely, his posture no longer as tense as earlier. You take a glance over your shoulder, looking back to see his computer screen that displays data and code that you are unable to decipher while a frown slowly tugs at the corners of your lips. “Are you still not done with work yet?”

You don’t want to sound like a whiny, clingy girlfriend, but this time, impatience is absent from within you. Unfortunately, Jake’s appointment with you clashed with his impromptu work schedule that required him to complete his follow-up tasks. Despite the disappointment, you understood that he must attend and fulfil his work obligation since he’s the head of the security team after all.

So you decided to hang around his personalised office room, but boredom eventually struck you, and your patience was running thin as you watched him in his element. Though it had been half an hour since you settled in his office, you chose to admire his handsomeness that nearly enticed you to pounce on him like an untamed animal to kill the time, but it was ineffective to your boredom. Somehow, Jake was able to sense your dampened, sulky temperament as his work forced him to neglect you for more than it should, and so he beckoned you over to sit on his lap while waiting for him to finish. 

You obviously felt keen and rushed to him, nearly tripping over some wires that had him chuckling at your clumsiness. Your short pleated skirt allowed easy access for you to settle your thighs over the sides of his as you managed to perch on his lap comfortably with your arms around him, to which he didn't mind and instead adjusted his seating position for your arms to wrap comfortably around him.

Every so often, you would rest your chin on top of his broad shoulder and give him tender kisses on his neck in an attempt to ease him whenever you felt his body tense up while listening to the sound of keyboards being pressed behind you. Of course, you did not miss the opportunity to bury your nose into his chest, nuzzling and inhaling his scent that offered you solace with his warmth cocooning you like a safety blanket. Despite being focused on his work, he would smile or press a tender kiss on your crown at your every action that he finds endearing.

Seeing the adorable pout on your kissable lips, Jake chuckles breathily as he grabs your hand before pressing a tender kiss on your knuckle in apology. “I’m finally done with my last task. I’m sorry you had to wait for so long.” He leans back against his chair, his head tilting lightly yet adorably while he gives you a boyish grin that sends familiar flutters to your beating heart. “I’m all yours now, lovely. So what do you want to do?”

“Honestly, I just want to cuddle with you and be close to you like this.” You tell him rather bashfully while his eyes soften as he gazes at you with an unmistakable fondness, knowing that you haven’t gotten the chance to be closely intimate with him alone ever since you settled in the mansion for a week now. “We can also watch some movies after cuddling or make something in the kitchen. Plus, I’m kind of craving s'mores.”

Jake nods his head meaningfully before leaning forward to place a chaste kiss on your lips. “Anything my girl wants,” His voice is laced with affection, and his eyes are gazing at you adoringly, which has you feeling all giddy. “You said you want to cuddle, right? We can cuddle comfortably there.”

Holding your thighs securely, Jake rises from the computer chair as he carries you with ease while you instinctively wrap your arms around him with your legs locking around his waist securely. He proceeds to amble across the other side of his office room. “We can do it like this.” He suggests with a mischievous grin, letting himself fall backward while squeals leave your lips as you hold onto him tight, embracing yourself for the incoming impact before he finally lands on the beanbag with a grunt that sounds huskily low and has you feeling something else straight in your lower stomach.

As the last of your giggles wane, you feel a palpable shift in the air around you, something rather raw yet intimate, before noticing the way Jake gazes at you with intense yet adoring fondness as he strokes the back of your head gently with his fingers playing intermittently at your strands. “I’d love to cuddle with you more than anything, but I feel a little tired, sweetheart. Plus it feels nice to hug you like this. What if I fall asleep?”

“Then sleep. You deserve it. Besides, you’ve been working for over two hours." You reassure him, smiling softly as you see how his eyelids are getting heavier with each passing second. You lift your head up for a bit to place a tender kiss on his lips before murmuring. “I love you, Sim Jaeyun.”

Jake smiles lazily against your lips, and just before you can pull away, he cradles the back of your head with his palm and presses your lips into his, kissing you deeply. The kiss feels sensual yet so innocent, his lips moving with yours tenderly in an unfamiliar dance, but soon enough, you feel something hard poking your lower abdomen that has you gasping softly into the kiss. Just like that, the last traces of sleep dissipate as his kisses begin to feel ravenous in the way his lips devour yours, utterly insatiable.

“Jaeyun,” You utter his name breathlessly as he pulls away from your lips, only to be startled when he switches position before you find yourself leaning on the beanbag with your legs being forcefully spread by his frame, barely giving you time to process the change of once tender atmosphere when he leans down and captures your lips in a kiss that demonstrates his desperation for you.

“Change of plans, sweetheart,” Jake rasps against your parted lips as you pant for air. He gives you no opportunity to recover from the nearly heated makeout session when he moves down to assault your bare neck with his ravenous lips, kissing and sucking your skin that forms a new hickey while your breaths become rapid with breathy moans leaving your lips as you buck up your hips, causing your clit to throb incessantly at the sensation of his hard bulge grinding directly at your clothed cunt.

“Are you not tired?” You manage to ask breathily despite your head spinning with desire for this insatiable man. You feel his hand moving underneath the material of your shorts and panties while your heart pounds harder in anticipation as his fingers nearly reach your throbbing clit.

“I’m feeling rather famished for something else,” His husky voice sounds heavenly in your ear, and there is an unmistakable desire in the cadence of his voice, borderline ravenous, that you feel giddy at the thought of him devouring you until you are reduced to nothing. He pulls away, only to meet your eyes and smirk down at you as he sees the utter want in your pretty eyes. His smirk melts into a soft grin for a fleeting moment, murmuring gently. “I love you more, my sweetheart."

Loving Sim Jaeyun is so easy, and you always find yourself falling in love with him over and over again. He is annoyingly mischievous at times, but he never does anything to upset you and tries his best. Even when you have already known that he is the most volatile with his emotions and his past diagnosis with borderline personality disorder, your love for him only grows as days pass. Although you also trust the other guys, you find it most comfortable to confide in Jake about any concerns, just like how you did back in Seoul.

As for sleeping arrangements, well, you don’t really have one with them, but on some nights Jake abandons his own bed just to head over to yours and sleep with you with his head on your chest as he listens to your steady heartbeat, simply because he wants to make sure your heart remains beating. You know that he fears losing you, and so it has become a habit for him to listen to your heartbeat whenever he lies on top of you, anchoring himself to you to reassure his paranoid mind that you’re real.

After Jake’s appointment is Sunghoon’s, but instead of you taking charge in planning leisure activities for the two of you, Sunghoon takes an insistent initiative, as according to him, he has been planning this surprise for weeks now, even before your settlement in the mansion.

Though Sunghoon is confident that you will love the surprise, he can’t lie about how nervous he feels, facing you as he carefully guides you to the awaited location of the surprise with his hands gripping yours, albeit the surprise is in the mansion itself, while your eyes are wrapped with a blindfold.

“Hoonie, this is so silly.” You remark with chuckles leaving your upturned lips, your eyes unable to see anything but the warmth of his hands providing you comfort, and his firm reassures you that he wouldn’t let you walk into a wall or bump into any object. “Why must I wear a blindfold when I could just close my eyes instead?”

“Because knowing you, you’d attempt to peek,” Sunghoon counters knowingly as a smirk touches his lips at your lips jutting into a pout. He intervenes before you can even make another comeback at him. “Don’t ruin the fun now, princess. Besides, we’re almost there. Just a few more steps.”

Sunghoon stays true to his words, because just a few more steps, you find yourself stopping in your tracks at the same time he does. He slowly lets go of your hands while you are shortly occupied by a fresh scent of something so familiar yet unfamiliar as it infiltrates your senses. “Okay, you can remove your blindfold now.” He instructs gently, his eyes remaining fixed on you.

You do as he told you, your fingers curling around the blindfold before pulling it down. Your eyes immediately adjust to the luminance encompassing the entire place, and after blinking for a few more times, your breath hitches in your throat at the pleasant surprise of his.

“Sunghoon…” You are at a loss for words, and maybe you are being melodramatic, but you can’t deny the whirlwind of emotions within you that threaten to overwhelm you. To others, the surprise is probably not a big deal, but to you? This has to be one of your memorable surprises.

For once, Sunghoon is unable to decipher the emotions swimming in your eyes and your impassive countenance—are you happy? disappointed? Or are you even surprised at all? He has no fucking clue, but the tension in his nerves becomes tenfold as he waits impatiently for your utterance. He desires your approval and satisfaction, and if he fails at pleasing you, it also means that he fails at being your lover.

“I know it’s not the surprise that you expected it to be,” Sunghoon finds himself needing to explain, albeit in a ramble, as the persisting silence from you unnerves him, but little does he know that you are simply occupied in admiring the sight before you. He tries his best to be subtle, but the nervousness in his voice is painfully evident in his ears. “I mean, you’ve already seen the library at the palace in Seoul back then, and the libraries we’ve been to in Milan are monumental, so this is probably nothing much.”

Sunghoon is silenced by your lips slamming into his parted ones with your arms thrown over his neck to pull him down just slightly, and he instantly wraps his arms around your waist, kissing you back with equal fervour, but there is a shared tenderness as your lips move against his slowly. Before you can get too carried away, you pull away from his lips, managing a soft, toothy smile at him while he swears he is falling in love with you over and over again. 

“You have no idea how much I love it. Thank you so much for the surprise,” You say with utmost sincerity and gratitude that has his heart swelling. Your eyes soften as you see a rare display of his vulnerability in his eye, prompting you to place another kiss on his lips. “I love you, Park Sunghoon.”

Sunghoon feels like he’s on cloud nine at the irrevocable love and devotion in your beautiful, sparkling eyes as you look at him. All the hours he spent planning and designing the entire place to make it look similar to the one in Seoul, as well as his efforts in working together with the contractors, are all paid off. He would do it again just to make you happy like this.

Sunghoon feels a tug at his wrist before looking down at your hand. “Explore the library with me.” You say in a demand that has him breaking into chuckles before letting you navigate the library on your own with your fingers intertwined.

Even though the mansion’s library is not as monumental as the one in Seoul, it still looks beautiful and royally elegant with its interior design and opulence. It makes you feel like you’re a real princess with your very own royal library. So how can you not love his surprise and him? 

No matter how tough and callous his demeanour is, you have always known that he is a softie at heart as you observe his every nuance before noticing the tip of his ears turning red, eliciting soft chuckles from you. The fact that Park Sunghoon, who you once knew, was never a man of romance and gifts, gifted you a place where you can explore different genres of fiction books that are filled to the brim on each shelf and read to your heart’s content is more romantic than he thinks.

Now, when it comes to Jay’s, you lack ideas of what to do and how you intend to spend the entire day with him, but fortunately for you, Jay loves to take charge and to be the one who plans your dates, not wanting his angel baby to think and worry incessantly. Apart from spoiling you with gifts, planning dates is part of his love language too.

Initially, you assume that he will be bringing you out to a more fancy date, but when he tells you to dress up in proper safety gear, you have a strong inkling that he will be bringing you out to a ride somewhere, and so you do as he tells you, donning black jeans and a leather jacket over your tight-fitting tee. 

The next thing you know, you are perched behind him on his motorbike with your arms wrapped around him for security as he speeds on the broad road where there are towering boulevard trees on each side of the road. 

You have no idea where Jay intends to bring you, but you trust him and his plans. Besides, you don’t mind riding all the way till night as you get to be this close with him, and so you enjoy this much-needed closeness with your arms hugging him tight enough that has him smiling behind the dark-tinted visor of his helmet. Turns out, the date not only includes bringing you out for a ride, but also exploring a street where you have never been as well as dining at a restaurant for lunch and trying out delectable pastries.

After the whole food adventure, Jay resumes bringing you for a ride with a fixed destination he intends to head to, and soon enough, you find yourselves entering a nearly empty yet broad parking lot with the beautiful orange hues of the impending sunset as a backdrop.

“So what are you planning on doing, exactly?” You ask with keen curiosity as you remain seated on his bike, your eyes following his movement and watching him as he presses the record button on his phone screen that is set up in a tripod stand, which he retrieved from your thigh bag.

Jay pushes up his visor to meet your eyes, and you see the way his eyes soften amidst the optimism. “I had this idea for a while now, and I’ve decided to capture moments of us on camera often from now on, whether they’re silly ones or not,” Just by the shape of his eyes alone, you can tell that he is smiling. “Because I want to show them to our child in the future; at least the glimpses of our love and dynamic.”

Your heart beats in a cadence that sounds symphonic in your ears while your eyes widen slightly at his statement. “Jay….” Your voice trembles with emotions with tears prickling in the corner of your eyes before you blink them away. You already know that he has the intention of marrying you one day, but to hear the two words of ‘Our child’ from his mouth hits you in the gut in a good way.

Jay’s chuckles through your helmet’s intercom send you butterflies all over as he extends his hand to you. “Come here, angel. We should say hello to our baby.” He beckons you over, and you proceed to dismount his motorbike before gravitating towards him and placing your hand on his, only to be startled when he swiftly pulls you in for a back hug and faces his recording phone. “Hi, baby. This is your parents.”

You can’t help but let out a laugh at how awkward the introduction was. “That’s not how you're supposed to do it, babe,” You tell him in between chuckles as you look at him with crescent-shaped eyes while he narrows his eyes in return. You redirect your focus on the camera and wave your hand at it. “Hi baby! This is Mummy!" You add a little yet dramatic flair to your introduction before gesturing your hand to Jay behind you. “And this is Daddy! We can’t wait to welcome you and hold you in our arms one day!”

Soon enough, the flow feels natural as you and Jay continue to give content to the recording camera—yapping off, teasing, and chasing after each other around the parking lot that is within the camera frame, and just being yourselves around one another without caring that you two may look like idiots in public, but at least no one is around. Plus, you get to see a new playful side of Jay.

After another round of chase, the two of you return nearer to the tripod stand while you pant lightly from all the running and laughing. Jay faces you, and as though you understand his telepathic message, you step a little closer before throwing your arms around his neck at the same time he hoists you up, prompting your legs to lock around his waist. 

You are too caught up in the moment to notice that the timestamp nearly reaches fifty minutes with a rare, vulnerable intimacy wrapping around you and him as he gazes fondly into your eyes. “I love you, Y/N Kang.” He says, his voice sounding deeper and slightly muffled, and you initiate the helmet kiss in return before breaking into fits of giggles. Just like that, the two of you end off the first content that will be saved in a folder for your child in the near future.

Finally, the long-awaited day to spend alone time with Heeseung beckons, and it starts off with you dragging him to the newly furnished arcade room that has been ready to use since two days ago. Since the other guys are also out of the household, you plan to spend the entire day playing with him to your heart’s content.

You are not a fan of arcade games, really, but you can’t deny the thrilling rush of competitiveness as you challenge Heeseug in a race where the two of you are now at the motorcycle racing simulator. But just like the previous games, you can see how he deliberately loses against you, as though he is letting you win when you know it yourself that Lee Heeseung hates losing.

You have no idea whether to be annoyed at him for letting you win so easily or not, especially whenever he innocently shrugs his shoulders or grins boyishly at your accusatory glares, but the undeniable flutters you feel in your chest are all you need to know that you are falling head over heels for him again.

“I know that you’ve been losing on purpose, but can you please not go easy this time?” You implore him with your fingers intertwined as you stand in front of the two basketball machines.

Heeseung simply smirks at you as he slowly releases your hand. “As you wish, my love. Just don’t sulk when I win.” He acquiesces, and the confidence exuding from him fuses the competitive tension in the air around you as he rolls his shoulders to the back before pressing the start button simultaneously with you.

As soon as the balls drop, you waste no time grabbing one and launching it into the hoop before doing it repeatedly despite missing the net. You can’t help but take a glance at Heeseung, in awe at how he is doing it with ease yet expertly and the fact that the balls he launched managed to swish through the net while maintaining a cool demeanour.

You can’t even be mad that by the time the countdown eventually stops, you have lost against him with a huge difference in the scores, because damn it, your man looks distractingly attractive in his competitive element. Even he has been aware of your eyes on him almost throughout the game.

“You didn’t even try to win, love,” Heeseung chuckles as he grabs you by the waist and pulls you to him, his dark eyes drinking in how you look prettily flustered under the intensity of his gaze. “Was I too handsome for you to find it hard to look away?”

Warmth weaves across your cheeks as you smile bashfully and nod your head in response. His eyes soften with adoration for you, but there is something else present in them, as though he has more to say to you in his mind. A fleeting hesitancy flickers in his gaze before he leans in to place a chaste kiss on your lips while cradling your face with his thumb stroking your cheek tenderly. “Where to next, my love?”

In response, you break into a roguish grin before grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the arcade room. Not too long later, Heeseung finds himself strolling around the outer part of the stupendous mansion with you, his fingers intertwined with yours while he listens to your rambles attentively and gives his remark whenever appropriate. Honestly, he doesn’t mind spending the rest of your day like this, as it is what he needed after not being able to have more time alone with you except sleeping with you in his room at night because over the course of weeks, he had other important matters to deal with.

Soon enough, the two of you are seated on the water fountain ledge, which is situated in the backyard, with you yapping off nonsensically until an abrupt silence from you draws Heeseung’s attention. The loss of your warmth as you slip your hand from his prompts him to look at you, his eyebrow raising as he becomes intrigued at the stark mischief written across your features with a devilish smile on your lips.

“Beloved, what are you doing?” Heeseung asks slowly, his sharp eyes watching you with scrutiny as you remove your sandals before rising from your seat and dipping your bare foot inside the water fountain. Eventually, the lower region of your white dress is completely drenched, with the entirety of you now in the water fountain. “Sweetheart, you’ll get cold─”

In a blink of an eye, Heeseung feels an instant yet abrupt chilling sensation hitting him in the face, but wet before quickly comprehending that you just splashed a handful of water on him, rendering him nearly drenched with his white shirt visibly soaked and his hair wet. 

That was definitely done on impulse, but you meant to do it anyway. You can’t help it with laughter leaving your lips, even if there is a chance he is pissed at your playful antics. You splash water at him again, but he abandons his seat and turns to you with a scowl on his handsome face, and yet the corner of his lips twitches into a menacing smirk.

“You’re so gonna get it, pretty girl,” Heeseung growls out at the same time you let out a squeal, unrelentingly marching towards you as he is now in the same fountain as you, unbothered by the water soaking the untouched part of his clothes. 

Your gleeful shrieks and laughter echoing in the air create a euphonious symphony of pure delight that is both infectious and dear to him as he wholeheartedly entertains you, chasing and splashing water at you the same way you do to him.

“Don’t let me catch you, love,” Heeseung says, stopping midway as the two of you decide to take a moment of respite from the battle in the fountain, standing further apart opposite each other. “Or I’ll devour you like a predator does to its prey.” He grins deviously as he takes steps forward, intensifying the trepidation in you that propels you to jump over the ledge.

The chase prolongs even when the skies are painted in dusk, and you are now running barefoot and trying to elude Heeseung, but the latter seems to be guiding you in an unknown yet intended direction that eventually leads you further away from the backyard. Nevertheless, you play along, because being with Heeseung always seems to summon your inner child to come out.

Something nudges you to turn to the right, and you do, but your pace decreases and your smile falters, feeling mildly confused yet intrigued upon seeing pavement of cemented flagstones that seem to lead you somewhere with the beautiful hedges of greens and flowers on each side. 

The chase with Heeseung has long been forgotten in your mind as you become immensely intrigued as you continue to advance forward, your feet stepping on the cold flagstones while Heeseung follows you from behind quietly yet stealthily with his hands tucked in his pockets, his features softening with unmistakable fondness.

Your face contorts into confusion as you begin to notice glowing radiance that flows faintly through an unbarred entrance with embellishment of elm leaves all over. Your steps hasten, feeling an undeniable sense of keenness at what may await you, and before you know it, the sight before your very eyes knocks the breath out of you. 

Your eyes go wide while your lips go parted, in complete awe at the beauty of this seemingly secret garden that you had no idea existed. The adornment of fairy lights hanging intricately on the towering tree branches above you encompasses this newfound wonderland, making it appear as though you have entered a magical realm. 

As you venture just a little deeper, you begin to notice some child-friendly amenities in some parts of the area: swings that are authentically crafted from slabs of wood for seats and affixed with thick ropes that are tethered to the stout branches, an impressive treehouse that looks sturdy with a scoop-designed slide, a cute playhouse painted in beige, and mini wooden benches.

The rustle from behind you pulls the trance that you are in, drawing your attention to Heeseung, who has been observing you with fond eyes, and you find yourself being rooted to the ground. “Heeseung, what….” You can’t seem to articulate your feelings that are jumbled into words while cacophonous questions clamour in the confines of your mind.

Heeseung briefly assesses your surroundings rather meaningfully as he ambles forward. “It isn’t much yet, but I do have plans on adding more amenities that are safe and fun for our kids in the near future.” He divulges the surprise he has been preparing for a while now.

You remain silent, feeling a whirlwind of emotions within you that threaten to sweep you away, and your heart continues to pound harder against your chest. He meets your eyes, and for the first time, his coolly collected demeanour cracks with the subtle yet sheepish smile unfurling on his lips as he rubs his nape. “I had some help from the guys and a contractor friend of Wooseok to come over to supervise the final condition of the amenities for safety reasons, but I crafted and assembled the swings on my own. Besides, it’s my idea in the first place.”

Your heart swells with so much affection as he takes pride in his hard work in the way he speaks confidently and takes the rightful credit. Just then, something clicks in your mind as you recall. “Is that why it was always so hard to see your face on most days since two weeks ago? Because you were busy planning and working on this beautiful wonderland?” You ask, your voice trembling with emotions.

You can’t lie that you are on the verge of bursting into a torrent of tears even though your waterline is void of tears as you think about how hard he has been working that even on the nights you slept with him, you noticed faint lines of exhaustion on his countenance. It deeply touches the depth of your heart, most especially when he thought of your future kids.

His eyes soften as he notices the way yours seem to glisten yet so beautifully under these fairy lights. “Yes, and it was all worth it for our future kids.” He says softly, his hand cradling your face with his thumb stroking your cheek tenderly. “I know it’s way too early to build a fun sanctuary for our kids, and I’m not even sure if you ever want kids, but that’s okay because this place is for you too. You can come here anytime and whenever.”

“I do want to have kids with you, Hee. More than anything.” Emotions manage to seep through the crack in your voice as you look into his eyes with unconcealing sentiment. You place your hand above his and lean into his touch, not realising a single teardrop manages to escape the corner of your eye as it rolls down your cheek that prompts him to wipe it away with his thumb. “Thank you for your hard work and this beautiful gift for our kids.”

Heeseung smiles in return before dipping his head and pressing his lips into yours, kissing you slowly with a careful gentleness, but you can feel his love pouring into the kiss as you reciprocate. You don’t even complain when the kiss lasts shortly as he pulls away first before resting his forehead against yours, basking in the serenity and tender intimacy that wraps around you.

“I love you, Y/N Kang,” He whispers affectionately before placing a kiss on your forehead. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened in my life.”

“I love you too, Hee,” You reciprocate, your eyes roaming around his chiselled yet beautiful features and burning them into your memory. You grab his hand and tug at it, a silent permission of wanting him to follow you around to explore. “Can we─”

“Of course, we can.” Heeseung says with a warm smile before you proceed to drag him with you, your pace and demeanour displaying exuberance. 

You begin your exploration in every part of the beautiful sanctuary with unbridled enthusiasm while Heeseung only watches and chuckles fondly at you, but he is attentive enough to prevent you from potentially falling or hurting yourself when you climb up the treehouse to explore and try out the slide or when he pushes you as you sit on the swing. You even carve out your initials on the tree trunk just below the treehouse with him, as well as the date, wanting it to be a permanent engraving for your future kids to see.

“Thank you for today.” You break the comfortable silence as you are now lying on the ground with him, facing the starry night with your head resting on his arm and attached to his side, seeking each other’s body warmth despite your still drenched clothes. You adjust your position, turning your body sideways to face him with your arm hugging him comfortably as if he’s your bolster. “I love everything that you have done, and…”

Your words become mushy as exhaustion begins to dawn on you, eliciting a chuckle from him, seeing the way your eyelids are struggling to stay open. “You can go to sleep, my love.” He murmurs, stroking your cheek gently as you drift off to your dreamland. It isn’t long until Heeseung is tempted as well, facing you with his eyes closed and his arms cocooning you, sleeping under the glinting stars.

But of course, just when you think that everything is all well and good, you receive texts from your best friends in Seoul to remind you of the monthly FaceTime tonight, and that is when realisation hits you that they haven’t been informed of your established relationship yet. You also doubt that Jennifer told them because if she did, the other two would have already bombarded your notifications.

Though you have no reason to fret over the outcome of revealing your relationship to Wonyoung and Karina since they were understanding and giving you advice a few months back when they were here, still, you can’t help with your overthinking mind of the worst possible outcome, worrying that they may not be as accepting as Jennifer.

“Hey, babes,” You greet your beautiful best friends right after they accept your call. You decide to settle in the living room, seated on the floor with your back rested against the large sectional sofa and your laptop on the coffee table while the guys are nowhere to be seen.

You try your best not to sound nervous, mustering a small smile at your best friends on your laptop screen. Jennifer must have noticed it first in the way she looks at you with knowing eyes while her pink lips twitch into a faint smirk.

Just when you intend to give her a glare, you are interrupted by Karina, her tone sounding astonished. “Girl, is that a whole new living room I see in your background? It looks massive.” 

“Since when did you move into a new apartment?” Wonyoung asks with genuine curiosity, her eyes narrowing at you with the slightest suspicion that has you swallowing your spit hard.

“The thing is, I’m living with the guys now, and it’s permanent,” You go straight to the point without beating around the bush as you want to get this over with. You curl your fingers into fists to prevent them from trembling while your resolve is teetering in the way your pupils shake, feeling unnerved by their unreadable expressions except Jennifer’s. “Which also means that I’m in a relationship with them. Yes, the four of them all at once. We’ve been together for three months or so.”

There is a pregnant pause with a rather painful silence emanating from them, as though they need some time to process this revelation, and you wince visibly, only to be taken by surprise at the positive change in their countenance.

“Details, Y/N! You know we love details, especially the juicy ones!” Karina demands in a whine, her sharp eyes displaying genuine interest that has your frayed nerves allayed. “There is absolutely no way you’re getting away without telling us how it happened.”

You groan out half-playfully as you rub your face, because as much as you want to, it feels repetitive to let them know what you told Jennifer back then and the fact that you have to rack through your memory. “It’s a long story.” 

“Summarise it for us, then.” Wonyoung is just as insistent as Karina, their eyes displaying impatience and expectation, and you know that you cannot refuse them, and so you begin to divulge to them, albeit keeping some details concealed.

“I mean, if you are happy with them, then we’re fine with it,” Wonyoung gives her conclusion as soon as you finish, and while you are more than glad that they’re accepting, you become easily distracted by four familiar yet handsome figures sauntering into the living room. “But tell your boyfriends that if they ever hurt you again, we’ll hunt them down and chop off their dicks.”

“Wony!” You exclaim, appalled and in disbelief by her warning that is uttered calmly while her face displays no remorse for the vulgarity that left her mouth, but more importantly, the guys heard her loud and clear, as evident in the look on their faces.

“Yeah, you heard that, guys?” Karina adds fuel to the fire as she quickly grasps the embarrassment on your face that your lovers are in the same room as you. “You’ll have us to deal with again if you dare to hurt our precious Y/N.”

“I can assure you that they wouldn’t do anything to hurt me,” You affirm assertively despite the warm temperature persisting in your cheeks as you ignore their amusing gaze on your face. “I’m sorry to cut our FaceTime short, but I’ll catch up with you girls in our next session. Love you.”

After bidding your goodbyes, you close your laptop, still refusing to meet their eyes. “Well, that certainly was something.” Jay speaks up, and you can’t resist looking at him just because of the attractive drawl in his voice. Your cheeks flush even more as he smirks at you, leaning against the wall with his arms folded over his chest. 

“Sorry, they’re still protective over me,” You tell them sheepishly as you rise from the floor and gravitate towards them, unable to resist the magnetic pull before Sunghoon grasps the first opportunity to hold you in his possession. You look up at him with your arms around his body, your lips forming into a small pout. “But I swear they won’t chop off your dicks. I’ll make sure of that.”

“Of course, you’ll make sure of that, or else we’ll be experiencing another brat moment of you being deprived of our dicks.” Jake remarks with a chuckle, his lips adorning a devilish grin that has you groaning out in embarrassment before you bury your face into Sunghoon’s chest while the rest join in to tease you the same.

“Don’t worry, princess. We’re not in the slightest feeling threatened by them.” Sunghoon chuckles breathily, his hands cradling your face with the sulky pout that remains adorned on your lips to which he can’t resist giving you a smooch. “Besides, why would we feel threatened when we made a promise to always protect and cherish you?”

“I know, Hoonie,” You say softly, your eyes gazing tenderly at him and the others while your heart swells with irrevocable affection and trust. You sigh softly before beaming with a smile, deciding to dismiss the air of melancholy around you. “Anyway, shall we start preparing snacks for our game and movie night?”

With that, Sunghoon whisks you off to the kitchen with Jay trailing behind you while Heeseung and Jake proceed to convert the modular sofa into a reversible sleeper chaise bed that is rather massive to fit six people in for movie night later, and thus your first weekly Friday fun night begins ─ the fun part consists of you preparing snacks and baking last-minute sweet goods with Jay while Sunghoon every so often clings to you and distracts you with kisses, earning him a glare from his best friend.

And so, the remainder of your night is nothing short of bliss, having to spend more quality time with four of your boyfriends at once. You are not even fazed by the fact that you lost four times in a row against time, your laughter being accompanied by their playful banter and finding great joy in being in the presence of the ones who occupied your heart, and before you know it, time flies fast as movie night commences.

The movie that is still playing on the massive television has lost its essence in keeping you captivated as your eyes begin to wander elsewhere. Presently, the five of you are nestled in the sofa with a fleecy duvet shielding your bodies from the cold temperature and pillows supporting the back of your heads, which isn’t necessary for you, considering you are being cocooned in both Jake and Jay’s arms as you are right in the middle, not that you have any complaints.

“This is the happiest I’ve been in months,” You break the comfortable silence, feeling awfully sentimental as tears are wetting in your waterline while a soft smile touches your lips. You look at them, noticing their eyes attentively on you with equal fondness. “I’m glad that you all didn’t give up on me, even when you thought that finding me would be impossible.”

“Well, we have Sunghoon to thank for that,” Jake murmurs, his hand reaching up to cradle your face while Jay soothes you with an affectionate rub on your tummy. 

“Why are you tearing up, my love?” Heeseung asks gently, drawing your attention to him. Just the tenderness in his eyes is enough to make you burst into a rivulet of tears, feeling overwhelmed by their unconditional love, but you hold back the dams.

“I’m just happy,” You manage to utter, your voice trembling with emotions while a tear escapes the corner of your eye. “Thank you for loving me.”

“No, baby, thank you for accepting us back,” Jay insists softly as he grabs your hand and places a kiss on your palm, a gesture of affection that always has your heart flutter.

“You do know that you’re not stuck with us forever, even if you decide to change your mind?” Jake chuckles breathily, pressing a kiss on your temple, but you are no fool to dismiss the darkness that belies his light-hearted tone.

“I would love nothing more,” You say with a smile, baring your heart and soul, which are theirs to cherish forever. “I love you guys.”

“We love you too, princess,” Sunghoon reciprocates, and with a few more words exchanged mindlessly, the animation on the bright screen is forgotten and neglected, and soon enough, the five of you have inevitably drifted off to the same dreamland.

▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰▰

In the serene confines of your room, the gradual evening sunray filters through your window, painting delicate tapestry across the ceiling. Humming a familiar tune, you sift through your wardrobe, your eyes and hands meticulously searching for the dress you had prepared and ironed three days in advance.

A delicate smile touches your lips as soon as you find the dress before grabbing it with your fingers, careful enough not to crease the ironed fabric. After slipping on the dress, you exit your wardrobe, and the way you move with grace has got a certain someone hypnotised as he stands by the doorway before deciding to watch you in a silent admiration, leaning sideways against the frame with his hands tucked in his pockets.

But you are too preoccupied to notice his presence as you are seated in front of the vanity mirror to apply the appropriate make-up that is not too glamorous but enough to enhance your features. Completing the touch with a cherry red lip tint and your favourite perfume, you move over to the full-length mirror to marvel at the final transformation with a small satisfied smile on your lips.

The black dress holds a blend of elegance and allure as it accentuates your contours perfectly while the low-cut flaunts your cleavage with the familiar platinum ring necklace resting delicately below your clavicle. You decide to let loose your natural locks as they cascade down your shoulders. Just when you think you are ready, you forgot about a pair of earrings that Jay gifted you last night.

The whole process of beautifying yourself probably took an hour, but it is a necessity since tonight is a little special. Unfortunately, it is not a date night, but rather, Jay’s company is hosting a private event tonight, and the rest of your boyfriends, including you, are part of the exclusive guests ─ of course, having been personally invited by Jay himself.

Initially, you refused to go even after being relentlessly coaxed by your boyfriends, but you couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in Jay’s eyes any longer, and so you begrudgingly agreed. Your intention is to be a good girlfriend and moral support to your boyfriend. Plus there will be free food and drinks.

As you examine yourself for another time, your eyes trail to the figure decked out in a black blouse with the sleeves rolled up to his veiny arms that also display his tattoos, who has been standing and watching you by the doorway with dark, attentive eyes.

“Jay, you scared me.” You chuckle nervously as your heart continues to beat erratically, watching him in the mirror as he ambles towards you with his dark eyes looking as though they are about to devour you whole. “How long have you been watching me?”

“For a while now,” Jay admits nonchalantly, his dark eyes scanning you from head to toe appreciatively with a tinge of fondness, but there is an unmistakable lust swirling in them, affecting you right in the core. “You got me fully mesmerised, baby.” 

Your breath hitches in your throat as soon as Jay stops directly behind you, leaving no space in between your bodies as his warmth melds with yours. You watch him silently in the mirror, his hands abandoning your hips to wrap around your waist, which feels like a sensual hug in the way his body is feeling you up and his dark eyes flicker to meet yours in the mirror.

“You’re in the mood,” You point out rather breathlessly, feeling dizzy at the intoxicating fuse of his strong cologne and his body heat. With his lips pressing down on your shoulder, you can’t help but melt against him as you tilt your neck to allow more easy access for him to assault you with sensual kisses. 

“Babygirl, I’m always in the mood whenever I’m around you. How can I not be when you look truly exquisite?” He says lowly, his husky voice igniting the heat pooling in your core dangerously and his warm breath hitting your skin. He presses one last kiss on the sensitive spot on your neck, eliciting a mewl from you before he returns his dark gaze to the mirror with a suggestive smirk playing on his lips. “You have no idea how badly I need to ruin you now.”

“Jay, we can’t─” You gasp softly at the sensation of his prominent bulge pressing into your bums that intensifies the heat pooling in your core. Your pulse drums in your ears while your eyes follow his tattooed hand sliding down your tummy, heading straight for your throbbing heat. “You can have me after the event or tomorrow. Just not now, please?” “I don’t think I can wait that much longer, angel baby.” Jay smirks, seeing the emotions in your hooded eyes contradict your words and your staggering breaths as his hand gets closer to the intended journey, but too caught up in the nearly blissful erotica that wraps around you like an intoxicating haze, you fail to realise another figure entering your room.

“So this is what the two of you have been doing,” Sunghoon accuses with a disbelieving scoff, and yet amusement is evident in his tone, prompting you to switch your position to view both of your dashing lovers better. “Might want to reconsider fucking around. Our chauffeur is arriving anytime soon now, so we better get going─”

The moment Sunghoon lays his eyes on you, he stops dead in his tracks while he feels his throat going dry at the gorgeous sight of you. He quickly recovers himself, clearing his throat. “Damn, princess, you look─” His heart races at a ridiculous speed upon seeing the shyness written all over your beautiful face, and he can’t seem to find a fitting word to describe your divine beauty, utterly speechless.

Despite your shyness, you flutter your curled eyelashes at him in a sly manner. Sunghoon recognises before meeting his eyes that seem to darken with a familiar desire. The corners of your lips curve into a small yet mischievous smile as you fiddle at the fabric of Jay’s collar mindlessly. “I believe that the word you are looking for is beautiful?” You say so slyly, and fuck, Sunghoon feels undeniably turned on by you.

Sunghoon takes two steps forward before extending his hand out to you. “Come here, princess.” He orders, and there is a discernible crack in his voice mid-sentence before he covers up with a cough, but not quick enough as he sees the way you break into a fit of chuckles while Jay watches the entire thing with a smirk.

Sunghoon lets out a frustrating sound between a growl and a gruff, displaying his impatience and annoyance in the way Jay is still teasing him with a smirk on his lips, whereas you seem to join the latter as you take your sweet time in moving towards him and accepting his extended hand.

Sunghoon catches you off guard when he takes a big step forward and wastes no time in grabbing your hand firmly before pulling you into him eagerly while you let out a startled squeal. He dives straight into your neck, unable to stave off the temptation, and places a lingering kiss on your skin. His desire becomes tenfold as your sweet yet exquisite perfume hits his nostril.

You gasp softly as he nips at your skin, and you arch your neck submissively to him on instinct, fluttering your eyes closed at the pleasurable sensation of him kissing and licking your neck. Your clit throbs once again when he presses his body against yours with his arms caging you, making you feel his prominent bulge.

“Maybe we should ditch the private event. I’d rather spend all night buried into you,” Sunghoon nearly growls out his words, his voice gravelly deep, and it feels like he has no intention of letting you go anytime soon.

But thankfully, you still have some rationality left in you. “Sunghoon!” You gasp at his words before attempting to push him away but fail miserably when you melt against his warmth. You sigh softly, leaning your head on his shoulder. “You know we can’t. It’s important for us to be there for Jay.”

Jay shoots his best friend a smug look while the latter rolls his eyes in return. Sunghoon reluctantly pulls away from you, but not before giving you a peck on the lips. He smirks down at you. “If you say so, princess. But the offer still stands even after the event, yeah?”

Before you can retort, another pair of footsteps can be heard outside of your opened door, prompting the three of you to look at the incomer. “Hey, guys. We really need to get going. Our chauffeur has just arrived, and Heeseung is waiting downstairs─” 

Jake pauses abruptly at the same time he barges into your room, and unlike Sunghoon, he continues to walk slowly towards you with his widened eyes fixated on you despite the fact that he is speechless, utterly in awe of your stunning beauty. “Holy fuck, sweetheart?” He says so breathlessly.

“Jaeyun,” You utter his name softly, your lips curving into a smile while your eyes soften at the way his features soften with a familiar sentiment as he examines you with clear appreciation. You feel Sunghoon’s arms loosen around you, as though he is permitting you to go to Jake, and so you naturally gravitate to him.

“My beautiful girl, you never cease to amaze me.” Jake breathes out in awe as soon as you stand in front of him, but he seems to be examining you for another time, as if the woman in his view is indeed a goddess. His Goddess, damn right. The warmth of his palms feels comforting as he cups your cheeks. A chuckle escapes you when his face twists into a playful scowl, but the possessiveness glinting in his eyes is not lost on you. “I’d hate for the others to look at you when you’re dolled up gorgeously like this.”

Jake captures your lips in a kiss, a short-lived one, and yet you can feel his burning desire even after he pulls away, but his lips remain grazing against yours, sending shivers down your spine. “Maybe I should hunt down and kill whoever dared to glance in your way after the private event.” He says softly, and you have no idea whether or not his words were meant to be playful.

“You look handsome, Jaeyun.” You compliment him earnestly as you marvel at his striking handsomeness, decked out in a suit similar to Jay and Sunghoon’s while his hair is gelled to the back with only a few strands falling over his chiselled forehead. The butterflies in your tummy are practically fluttering intensely as you look at your three lovers to appreciate their handsomeness for another time. “You all do.”

Before Jake can go in for another kiss, Jay’s stern voice cuts through the air. “Alright, let’s get going before we have another love fest here.”

“Fuck fest, you mean?” Sunghoon chuckles as the four of you proceed to depart from your room while you walk hand in hand with Jake, his warmth encasing you.

“You’re not entirely wrong, mate,” Jake shoots Sunghoon a mischievous grin, whereas Jay shakes his head, but a small smirk plays at the corner of his lips. Jake looks at you, and this time, you can feel his heated gaze that is burning with insatiable hunger for you as he licks his lips. “Our wife looks delicious enough to be devoured right here and now.”

“I’m not your wife yet, Jaeyun.” You remind him for the umpteenth time with a short huff, and yet it affects you just the same as you feel your cheeks warming rapidly the same way your heart races.

Initially, when they started to refer to you as their wife, every wire in your system went short-circuited, and you had no idea how to react. Sure, the five of you have been heavily involved in a serious discussion about tying the knots with you legally and officially in the near future, and the guys were determined to make it happen, but to you it was too soon for them to be referring to you as their wife and throw the term around so carelessly.

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re going to be our wife.” Jay adds nonchalantly, draping his arm around your shoulder while you remain hand-locked with Jake. Despite shooting the three men the same glare, you can’t ignore the tension that has been building up ever since they came into your room.

You release a shaky breath as you decide to focus on the view in front of you, but it turns out to be a mistake, because one moment you’re descending the stairs, and then the next, you lock eyes with the only lover who hasn’t seen you until now.

Your breath gets stuck in your throat as you shamelessly examine him from head to toe. The all-black ensemble fits his toned physique perfectly, and his black hair is neatly parted so his forehead can be seen. Your heart swells with love as you see the familiar ring necklace that rests below his clavicle. When your eyes return to meet him, you swear you can feel your womanhood clenching with arousal as you notice the way his eyes darken with palpable desire despite the nonchalance in his demeanour.

His dark eyes continue to greedily drinking you in even as you finally stand in front of him. A soft smirk ghosts on his lips momentarily before he gives you a small smile and extends his hand out to you in a gentlemanly manner. “Shall we, my beloved?” Heeseung asks gently, even waiting patiently as you slowly unclasp your hand from Jake’s to take Heeseung’s, only for him to press a kiss on your knuckles while he maintains eye contact with you. “You look breathtaking, pretty girl.”

“Thank you,” You mumble, feeling utterly diffident as you are now being surrounded by four deadly yet dashing men, even though you have always been surrounded by them 24/7. You hope that your palm is not sweating just yet from all the nervousness as you busily cast Heeseung a small smile. “You look handsome, Hee.”

Heeseung reciprocates with a dashing grin before he begins to assist you on the way to the chauffeur, with the three musketeers following closely behind you rather protectively, as though posing as your bodyguard. Your eyes sparkle with fascination upon seeing the view of the sleek black stretch limousine parked directly outside of the entrance door, waiting for you.

As though the routine is rehearsed, Sunghoon takes the initiative to open the door for you before Heeseung assists you inside, to which you bend down your height slightly as you proceed to walk in. Your lips part open, and your eyes widen at the luxury of the entirety of the interior of the limousine, nearly bumping your head if it weren't for Heeseung’s hand cradling the back of your head before you continue to move further in until you finally settle on the leather seat.

For some reason, you resort to silence as you watch your lovers settling in, hyper aware of the previous tension that has resumed its course in the enclosed space. Your heart hammers harder as soon as Sunghoon sits next to your right while Heeseung is on your left. Not too long after, the limousine begins to accelerate, and the guys proceed to converse on a topic you don’t understand.

But the tension remains, thickening every second that has you finding yourself suffocated. It doesn’t even help that the intoxicating mixture of their strong cologne has your head spinning while you attempt to repress your burning desire in the way you squeeze your thighs together. You bite down on your lip harder, feeling your cunt throbbing with incessant need. Thankfully, you brought your emergency make-up kit so you can reapply your lipstick on your lips again.

However, throughout the ride, you fail to notice that Heeseung has been observing you from time to time, noticing the familiar pattern in your body language, bringing a discreet smirk to his lips. 

“Pretty girl, what’s wrong?” Your heart skips a beat when Heeseung places his hand on your exposed thigh, and despite the gentleness in his tone, you can discern a familiar deception that has you anticipating both with excitement and fear.

It isn’t exactly that you fear them, but with the thick tension hanging in the air and waiting to snap, the enclosed space of the limousine, the intoxication of their cologne, as well as the predatory gazes at your figure, you fear that the immaculate state of the limousine might turn into a sullied mess.

“Nothing,” You answer him, your voice sounding quiet, and yet it sounds loud to their ears, prompting the four men to exchange looks.

“Don’t lie to me, love,” Heeseung squeezes the flesh of your thigh, a warning you recognise, and yet you feel an unwise temptation to display your defiance to him, just a little, because the desire that is throbbing in every part of you desperately implores you to be released. “Tell me, what do you want?” His soft voice carries an undertone of dark sensuality, and you know that his question is an invitation.

“Speak up, princess,” Sunghoon joins in, adding fuel to the fire as he presses his body against yours, causing your breath to hitch in your throat. He grabs you by the chin firmly enough to force you to look at Heeseung in the eyes, and in doing so, allows you to catch the familiar hunger on Jay and Jake’s features as they also wear the same smirk on their lips. “Tell Heeseung exactly what you want. You know what you want, princess.”

It’s so mean, the way they all seem to be tag-teaming you, and how mean Sunghoon sounds, how Heeseung’s dark eyes are penetrating into you as though he is able to read your twisted mind, but if anything, everything seems to turn you on further, throwing you into the abysmal to the point of no return. Subconsciously, you bite down on your lower lip while your eyes become glossy with terrible need, drawing Heeseung’s attention to your bitten lip.

“I need you so bad.” You shamelessly admit with shaky breaths, feeling utterly humiliated by the knowing smirks they collectively wear on their lips, but you don’t give a fuck anymore. You allow your eyes to roam around his body and bite down your lips once more on purpose, knowing that Heeseung hates it when he isn’t the one doing it. “It doesn’t even help that you look hot in a suit.” You purr with an irresistible seduction that they can never resist.

“You heard her. Give what the wife wants, Heeseung,” Jay says loudly, leaning against the leather seat comfortably with his legs spread open while his clasped hands support the back of his head, as if the view in front of him is a show. “Driver, close the partition.”

On cue, the driver heeds Jay’s command, and in doing so, aids the now heated atmosphere with the partition finally closed. The next thing you know, you are being manhandled and immediately find yourself perched on top of Heeseung, causing your dress to hike up way past your thighs.

-from this point onwards would be the smut part but didn’t get to continue </3

unwritten scene 1 (the smut part in the limousine)

unwritten scene 2:

unwritten scene 3(the ending):

[room-surprise]

PSA: Mana doesn't exist in Dungeon Meshi

Some translations of Dungeon Meshi (specifically the English anime and Yen Press manga) have used the word mana to describe magic, when the original Japanese simply said magic (mahou, 魔法) or magical power (maryoku, 魔力).

Ryoko Kui does not appear to use the word mana (マナ) at any point in the manga, the published extra materials, or her blog, so calling magic “mana” is an addition made only in some translations.

For example, the French translation does not use "mana." If you know of other translations that do or don't use mana, let me know!

The use of the word mana in English comes from Maori and its earlier Proto-Oceanic ancestor language.

It describes a form of supernatural power tied to social status, respect and strength. Mana is a religious concept for many Austronesian cultures, and is not really "magic" in the way pop culture has defined it.

As best as I can understand it from an outsider's perspective, mana is more like attributing a supernatural quality to a person's charisma, or the awe one feels when faced with a natural wonder like a mountain or the ocean, or the intimidation one feels when facing a powerful group.

The use of the word mana as a generic term to refer to magical power has been criticized as being cultural appropriation of a real religious term, still used by living people, to describe fictional magic.

In addition to this, using an Austronesian word at random in Dungeon Meshi for one of the most important and fundamental forces of the universe (magic) is inorganic to the world that Kui has constructed, which is rooted primarily in Greco-Roman, Hindu/Buddhist Indian, Middle Eastern, and Germanic cultures.

Using mana to refer to magic would suggest that the Ancient culture from before the cataclysm was Austronesian, but the rest of the manga does not support such an idea at all.

There are references to Austronesian and Oceanic cultures in Dungeon Meshi, but they are mostly tied to the orcs, who don't appear to use magic, and whose culture clearly doesn't, and has never had, the social power to define what word the rest of the world uses to refer to "magical power."

How did a Maori word get so popular in English?

The concept of mana was introduced in Europe by missionary Robert Henry Codrington in 1891 after he wrote a book about his time in Polynesia. The concept was then popularized further in America in the 1950s by Mircea Eliade, an extremely influential religious history scholar at the University of Chicago.

Mana was first introduced as a magical fuel used to cast spells in the 1969 short story, "Not Long Before the End", by Larry Niven. Around this time it also became popular with new-age religious groups.

It has since become a common staple in fantasy fiction and games.

So why translate it as mana?

The choice to translate "magic" and "magical power" as mana was probably made to try and make Dungeon Meshi sound more like a video game/RPG, since so many Japanese fantasy manga feature video game or RPG mechanics, and translators working on Dungeon Meshi would have no reason to assume it would be any different, especially at the very start of the manga.

However, Dungeon Meshi is much closer to High/Epic Fantasy, like Lord of the Rings, and throwing random gaming terminology into the translation when it wasn't in the original text ("mana", "newbs" and "inventory" instead of "magical power", "newcomers" and "supplies") feels out of place.

I think adding the term mana is a disservice to the hard work that Kui has done with her careful attention to linguistic detail and culture.

In the process of working on my Dungeon Meshi research paper on real world cultural references, I have studied over 100 names and words used by Kui, and I have found that she is remarkably thoughtful and consistent in what real world cultures and languages she pulls from, and what fictional cultures she pairs them with.

Obviously I don't blame the translators for not knowing this, they had to make translation decisions before the entire manga was complete, and most likely they were doing work for hire, with no idea what Dungeon Meshi was about.

They had no way of knowing Dungeon Meshi wasn't a video game fantasy comic, and were just trying to rush through their work as fast as possible in order to get paid, and move onto their next project.

Once it became apparent that Dungeon Meshi was High Fantasy and not a world that functions like a video game, they'd already used the word mana, so there was no going back.

In an ideal world, if the translators had known the type of story Dungeon Meshi would become from the beginning, if they really wanted a single word to translate "magical energy" into, they could have picked a word that belongs to one of the language families I mentioned before, rather than using mana just because "everybody uses mana, so readers will know what it means."

What should I call magic power then?

If reading all of this has made you want to stop calling it mana, hooray! Thanks for listening to me rant. You could just call it magical power, if you wanted. Nothing wrong with that!

But if you want something a little less clunky, here's an incomplete list of possibilities in some of the languages most commonly referenced in Dungeon Meshi. Please note I have not done due diligence on every one of these, I believe none of them are exclusively religious terms still in use, but just words that could mean magic (both fictional and real) in various languages. If I'm wrong about any of them, let me know.

INDIAN: Maya, prana. MIDDLE EASTERN: Sihr, kiisum/kesem. GRECO-ROMAN: Ergon (as a euphemism), goteia, physis, numen/numina, mageia. GERMANIC: Seidr, galdr.

(This post is an excerpt from my Dungeon Meshi essay with additional elaborations.)

[windcarvedlyre]

Smile at Hope in the Name of Despair: on Komaeda and Nanami's deaths in chapter 5

Formalising the tags on this as their own thing because I'm going insane. Shoutout to @kaiokentimesten for letting me bounce ideas off them and looking over this before it was posted.

TL;DR:

DR2 Nanami is the person Komaeda desperately tried and failed to be over the entire killing game.

It makes their mutual destruction that was simultaneously a double suicide in chapter 5 even more meaningful.

Komaeda was someone who considered himself apart from the rest of the group, a supporter instead of an equal, and didn't see any future for himself with them due to circumstances beyond his control. Nanami was... someone who considered herself apart from the rest of the group, a supporter instead of an equal, and- based on how her FTEs ended- didn't see any future for herself with them due to circumstances beyond her control.

Both had strong ideologies around human worth that drove their actions over the game and led to them valuing other people's lives over their own. Chapter 5 culminated in both of them willingly sacrificing themselves for the greater good.

But their reception by the rest of the cast was very, very different for very obvious reasons. And the differences between them ultimately led to Nanami achieving everything Komaeda wanted, both on the surface and on a deeper, more emotional level, while he completely failed to.

On Komaeda

On the surface Komaeda strives for 'hope', right? He always acted for (what he believed was) the greater good by (in his perception) helping more talented people bring it about. Go slightly deeper and we see that he didn't actually just want to hang out in background, he wanted to be important, albeit in a vicarious way. He actively went against the will of everyone he tried to 'serve', engineering deadly conflicts behind their backs and manipulating the flow of information in trials, because he had his own ideas about what was best for them which coincidentally always had him pulling the strings. While initially unaware of his hypocrisy, his final message acknowledged this and took it to an extreme.

Go deeper still and it turned out that he truly wanted to be loved. For people to care about him and give a shit he existed. All of the above may have been, in my view, subconscious proxies for that: the only way he knew how to make people love him. Praise him. Raise statues to him. Remember him as the Ultimate Hope. Please.

But Komaeda didn't understand what hope is. His idea of it was too abstract, too utilitarian, too black-and-white. He reduced his classmates to interchangeable vessels of hope*, their individual value as living people dependent on their potential for it, and often callously discarded people that no longer met his standards. This ironically made him more of an agent of despair, especially after chapter 4 shattered a load-bearing part of his beliefs and destabilised him further.

He made the class despise him, died alone and afraid, and (if it had been real) would likely be remembered as an unwell person that tried to kill everyone. At most he garnered respect for his intellect, made the survivors take his luck seriously, and had Hinata torn about him posthumously; a lot of conversations during his investigation were more preoccupied with the end of the killing game than him no longer being with them. Had his plans ever succeeded, his final legacy would have been clearing the way for the creation of 5-15 new Junko Enoshimas and snuffing out what little hope humanity had regained. He took out someone who was virtually the Naegi of DR2 and her death ended up being the only one that stuck.

*There's nuance to that depending on the situation- and his views in general, especially considering DR2.5- but this is about his behaviour during/when planning murders and how it shaped his classmates' opinions of him. I have a post about it here!

Nanami, on the other hand...

...had a fundamentally different approach to morality, hope and what gives a person worth. She was built to have compassion for people that most of society would consider irredeemable: people whose net impact on humanity was extremely negative, who likely couldn't reverse that even if they aided humanity for the rest of their lives. She believed they had worth regardless and deserved a chance to be rehabilitated. Her death was only possible in chapter 5 because, even having seen Komaeda at his worst and knowing he was dangerous, she still believed in him and his right to second chances and tried to save him twice.

She was kind, level-headed, and had her own key moments in trials. People liked her and didn't reject her presence or tie her up in a draughty building for days. Hinata's heart raced when he did FTEs with her and he worked around the ways she was weird instead of storming out of conversations prematurely.

Faced with a choice between her life or everyone else's, forced by one of the very people she existed for, she willingly faced death and helped persuade everyone else to kill her (another thing Komaeda spent the entire game trying in vain to do). This wasn't easy, even after they reached consensus about Komaeda's luck, because she was their friend and they were distraught to see her die. By doing so- and again when she helped Hinata posthumously in chapter 6- she ultimately saved them, their 'dead' classmates (Komaeda included) and the rest of humanity, and her loved ones would never forget that.

Komaeda set out to dedicate himself to hope- to be remembered and loved as someone who heroically sacrificed himself for humanity. But Nanami was the person that actually achieved his dream.

-

As a final note, I love how the chapter's title- which I started this post with- can be applied to both of them. Komaeda idolised hope but his actions often brought about the opposite. Nanami sacrificed herself for Ultimate Despairs because she knew the real meaning of hope was believing in a better future.

[witchofthesouls]

There are many iterations of MegOp I can believe in... but not TFP.

Feels homoerotic or queer? Sure. A lot of tension? Definitely. A yearning or upon the cusp of something? I'm fucking dying right on that edge.

But TFP Megatron and Orion Pax couldn't even understand each other's histories and motivations, let alone have a hard conversation on their own philosophies, back up plans, and direction for society besides the pretty stuff. Y'all really think they fucked? Even if it's angled as 'hate sex' or casual, they fucking misread each other all the damn time, even if they vibed on the same level, which is so painful to watch. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them tried to subtly hit on the other in their own caste-derived/in-group's specific doublespeak... just for the other guy, who's an outsider, to understandingly not pick it up, but all their associated caste buddies did.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if that's why Ratchet and Soundwave have several tons worth of beef with each other's respective friend/war leader. Besides destroying life and civilization as they knew it.

The thing is to remember, Megatron is very much a social butterfly in a way. He genuinely likes people. He likes interaction. He has the flair and disposition for it. His inherent sense for the dramatics just enhances it. But the most important thing, Megatron was literally reared within the structure of the city-states. He intimately knows the social equations for his caste, has a lot of support in terms of emotional via friends, allies, and mecha with similar grievances, and is deft enough to wade through the avenues that are available to him and he takes them with both fists (gladiatorial clades into the political arena). Violence (and emotions) is a language that's easily available to him.

Orion Pax, on the other hand, is more careful. He has to be. This guy literally came from the boonies of Nowhere and got snatched up by a really powerful figure within Iacon inside the very heart of its machinations. People were beyond rage at that treatment. Orion isn't stupid but he's playing really dangerous games with colleagues that despise his very presence and multiple frameworks that literally eat people alive to keep a very brutal status quo. Then accounting Alpha Trion's own status as an Ancient Prime with the very relic with the power to foretell future events across the multiverse... it doesn't paint a kind picture on reasons why the hidden Prime plucked up Orion. The repression and stonewall tactics that Orion, and later Optimus, use really make sense with this in mind. The Iacon Archives are a keystone of the higher castes. Orion had to moderate his entire self around those people that would absolutely snitch if they caught a whiff of 'insubordination' or 'illegal' activities' or 'strangely sympathetic to those undeserving' along with the weird little side quests with Alpha Trion. Orion had to learn really fast how to bend before breaking, especially if he can only rely on himself in a perilous environment.

All I'm saying that these two spoke Neocybex, but absolutely missed all the cultural context of each other's backgrounds that would have easily explained the 'whys, whats, wheres, whens, and hows' of their decisions and behaviors. They legitimately did see something really amazing in each other, but never actually dug deeper thinking that the other mech would immediately understand their motivations and that's what so fucking infuriatingly tragic on why they felt so betrayed by one another.