#even though you can set your dash to automatically shorten them?

[zzazztrainer]

i think the biggest misunderstanding about art is the idea that there are Truly Objective Measures of Quality

like a there are a handful of compositional tricks and color theory and stuff that helps speed up the brain interpreting the image, but imo a lot of that is about just reaching more people and having more 'rolls of the dice' so to speak to click with someone, since if it's not as easily interpreted someone has to make a deliberate decision to engage with it and evaluate it. which isn't really relevant to quality, since a lot of the art people point to as being 'high quality' are very ambiguous anyway

meaning is highly affected by (or perhaps almost entirely derived by) context, and most of the time more than 50% of the context is entirely out of your control (especially on social media, since it's basically designed to strip context as quickly as possible since that gets posts to viewers faster just because establishing context takes time, and more views means more ad revenue) but otherwise the biggest part of context that is going to affect someone's interpretation is the context of their own life experiences. Since that's how they've gotten all the information they can refer to while interpreting the art, it is not something anyone can truly leave behind when engaging with art. (Although you can make a conscious effort to broaden the amount of information you are aware of, and i do think more people should, that is not entirely relevant to the point here)

where i think this is very visible is in the cliche of artists getting more social media engagement on joke posts than on 'real' art. everything you need to understand the joke is already inside the post, (or already in the surrounding context around the post, considering a lot of the jokes that get large traction on social media are jokes about the experience OF social media.) in a format where people are already going into it with a plan to continue scrolling as soon as they're done with the post, they're not going to spend time on something to figure out what's interesting about it.

I must emphasize that decision not to engage is not a quality judgement either. as much as people act like it is or even say it is. you simply can't absorb enough information in a glance to make a remotely objective decision about something like that. it's a short snap decision that everyone has to make all the time, since there is vastly so much more world than any one person could perceive in a lifetime. even outside of art, even without the immense and immediate potential access to information that we have with the current internet infrastructure, the amount of information even in one square foot of green on a boulevard is enough to fill a thousand lifetimes of study, if you decided to look close enough.

but a brain only has time to perceive so much, and it has Priorities, like continuing to exist, and if it weren't able to make some kind of snap judgement about what information in it's environment to prioritize, it wouldn't be able to do that, so it makes a priority judgement whether you think about it or not. Everyone's brain is a result of the way that priority interacts with the environment it ends up in, and the human brain is so flexible, and either via being able to change to fit the context or via simply being more of a blank canvas to begin with than most people are willing to admit (which is closer to what i believe, since I've seen so many things claimed to be 'deeply set instincts' at various parts of history only to be very obviously proven just results of the culture at the time) the context that even two people from a pretty similar environment come to a piece of art with can be very different in ways that are essentially impossible to trace the origin of.

so essentially art being considered 'good art' because a lot of people enjoy it is a lot more about luck than anyone is really willing to admit, so if you don't want to use that as a measure of objective quality you basically get around to the closest 'objective' measure being whether or not it succeeds at whatever the goal of the artist was. so then you need to consciously think about your goal to make any kind of 'quality evaluation'.

if you have a specific goal, you can optimize towards it. like if your goal is social media engagement, well, there's plenty of techniques for that, like making the context pretty self-contained, or using metadata/algorithm/whatever is relevant to the site itself to get it to people you think will have the most context in common, or just to get it in front of as many eyes as possible just to have more chances at finding the right people.

However, other goals are gonna be incompatible with that goal, which seems to be the biggest sticking point for a lot of people, since they want the numbers to go up without it being a gamble, but also want it to match some other goal, like being 'authentic' which as far as i can tell, often really means they just want the art to be changed as little as possibly from the original vision, which is kinda by necessity incompatible with optimizing it for a specific other goal. unfortunately, for a variety of cultural (authenticity is very popular) or logistical reasons (...less work if you don't have to change the original vision, tbh. that's the one I value most about 'authenticity' these days...) this kind of 'authenticity' is one of the most popular artist goals

(By the way, the quotes around 'authenticity' are less about derision and more about the fact i want to emphasize that i am using the specific definition for 'authenticity' that i just laid out in that last paragraph. this definition of 'authenticity' is actually a pretty major goal of my own art, jokes about amount of work aside, because my other largest goal at the moment is that i prioritize the art i do based on my own personal enjoyment of both process and outcome, and 'changed as little as possible from the original vision' as a goal often combines very well with what i find fun right now)

frustratingly, instead of confronting the consequences of conflicting goals, people resort to having wankfests about the broader public not recognizing True Genius, or making emotionally manipulative, guilting posts about how no-one appreciates their hard work so people better start engaging with their art in the specific way they feel is most validating or they're going to stop posting it.

this is, i think, because it's a very easy way to put the fault of this sucky situation on something out of their control. which is very funny, because there is a very present and obvious reason that is out of their control that they ended up in this sucky situation. which is that their only opportunity to get their art in front of people who it could connect with is by putting it out on platforms where the first priority is generating ad revenue and scraping user data, and the methodology the platforms use to achieve that is by pretending the platform's first priority is human interaction.

but since building a social infrastructure that isn't attached to an advertising and data meatgrinder is a uh..... well we can say it's a pretty 'long term goal' (read as: i do not know how the fuck to do that) it is usually just much easier to move your goalposts somewhere you can get to them. which can itself suck and feel like you're giving up. But a binary of failure/success is only really applicable to a specific goal with a specific endpoint, and 'being an artist' or even 'being a Good Artist' is not a goal with an easily definable endpoint, considering it's just really fucking ambiguous, and if you polled 10 people off the street on what a 'Good Artist' is, you'll probably get 20 different answers

so set a goal. as many goals as you want, because life is longer than you think it is, and you can change them again whenever you want. You can set goals that you don't know how to reach, but you can also set a bunch of ones you can reach, like deciding you want to get the most anatomically accurate art that you can, or deciding you want to have the most fun with your art, or picking a specific niche audience you want to see and enjoy your art, and you can use that as a metric to define quality in your own art's context as opposed to ambiguously chasing 'quality' without defining what that means to you (and without being tempted to measure that 'quality' entirely by whether it makes people more likely to click the heart button next to it)

Then you can kinda consider those measures of quality objective, because they are pretty well defined, but they're still not objective goals in the sense that every single person in the world will look at the art and go 'this is good art'. but they are actionable objectives. which is more important in my opinion, because art can only be 'good art' to anyone if the art has actually been done.

[aemonds-sapphire]

Weakness - Hawks x Reader

You knew Hawks’ feathers were his ultimate weakness, and you were going to use that to your advantage - Drabble

Warnings: NSFW. Featherplay. Dry humping.

Word count: 1.2k

You could count the amount of times you’d been able to be with Hawks in the last two weeks on a single hand. The general public might think the pro hero had everything: a great rating, ridiculously dashing good looks, a legion of fans who’d throw themselves at him anytime, a considerable amount of money, his own agency, his own place, and — unbeknownst to them — a lover.

But even someone like Hawks didn’t have everything. He didn’t have time to be free. To enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

He rarely had time for you.

Something always came up in the rare occasions when he managed to squeeze in a couple of hours to give his all to you.

So when his phone buzzed from within the pocket of his jacket, all you could bring yourself to say was:

“Don’t you dare.”

Maybe what made it even more frustrating was the fact that you were sitting on his lap, and were forced to break the kiss you two were sharing. It pissed you off to no end having to put everything on hold because people were too dependant on him.

The pro hero flashed you an understanding smile, sitting up straight on the couch. “I’m sorry,” he said as he picked up his phone. “I have to take this... fuck! I forgot.”

“Who is it?”

Hawks pinched the bridge of his nose in distress. “Some guy who wants to do an interview. I’ll be quick.”

You pouted. “No, you won’t.”

He mimicked your pout. “I will.”

“You talk too much,” you rolled your eyes, already admitting defeat.

It was his job after all. You couldn’t really get in the way and one could argue you had know what you were getting yourself into by falling for the number two pro hero.

He brought the phone to his ear, but not before motioning you to lay against him, with your head resting on his shoulder as one gloved hand traced circles on your back.

“Hawks here.”

A let out a deep sigh as he went on to talk with whatever asshole was on the other side. You had even put on some sexy clothes just for this moment, but it seemed like all of your plans were washing down the drain.

You stayed still for a few minutes, enjoying his touch and how his chest rumbled against your own each time he spoke.

“... yeah, being a pro hero can be really hard...”

Oh?

You shifted your head just enough to have your lips ghost the soft skin of his neck.

Maybe just a couple of pecks.

Slowly, you shifted in his lap so that you could press your covered pussy directly on his crotch. His hand abruptly halted, but he kept talking. This time, you decided to plant a few soft kisses on his neck, while simultaneously increasing the pressure on his covered cock.

This got his full attention. “I don’t believe in—” the words immediately died in his throat.

Suddenly, his beautiful scarlet red wings fluttered, and you felt a single feather enveloping your face in order to pull you away from him.

Still, you slid one arm over his shoulder as your other hand reached the side of his neck. What Hawks hadn’t considered was that you also knew how to play dirty.

He was quick to regain his composure, but you wanted to tease him even more. You tilted your head to the side, lifting your hand to touch his feather which caused Hawks to stutter for a brief moment, and you seized the opportunity to press a soft kiss on the thin red layer.

Much like you had predicted, that shot his hips upwards. “The job of a hero is... stop,” he hissed at you, one hand gripping your hip as he sent the feather flying out of your reach. “No! Not you... I’m sorry,” he hurriedly added.

The funniest part was that if Hawks really wanted to keep you away from him he could easily do so. His feathers were able to endure heavy weights at his command, so there was little doubt in you that he truly wanted you to stop.

The thrill of the danger, indeed.

You let your hand slide down to the base of his wings, sprawling your fingers against the velvety surface. Just like clockwork, goosebumps prickled at his skin, and you buried your face in the crook of his neck once more, planting a few more kisses from him. The hand he had tightly glued to your hip twitched, and you could feel his fingers digging into you.

But what really sent poor pro hero Hawks into overdrive was the way you began swaying your hips, adjusting your legs on either side of him to cradle his waist. You were grateful to be wearing only panties, since it allowed your clit to rub deliciously against the outline of his hardening cock.

“Uh... c-could you repeat that...?” His voice was shaky, and you vaguely wondered if the person talking to him would realize that something was off. “Wait... hmm... let me think about that for a sec.”

A very, very flustered Hawks pulled his phone away momentarily to eyes with you.

“You little vixen...” he growled through gritted teeth.

Your lips twisted into a vicious grin as you kept your body moving against his. “Tell them how hard it is to be a pro hero,” you made your point by sliding your covered pussy along his crotch.

Beautiful golden eyes widened at your taunt, but he had stalled for far too long, so he had no choice but to bring the phone up to his ear again.

“Yeah, everything’s okay. Just a little tired...” he was such a good liar, but even though his words were his best try at deception, his body language betrayed his efforts.

You kept caressing his feathers in an attempt to get him to hump you, and with each dragging stroke you felt the you man under you begin to quiver.

His wings spread open to the sides framing your bodies. It was a very good sign. Hawks had a very particular sex language, if you could call it that.

So when you leaned in to brush your lips against his ear piercing, his hips automatically jerked up to meet yours.

“It’s so hard being a pro hero, isn’t it?” You whispered, feigning innocence.

He paused for a second. “Hmm... it’s so hard...”

“Excuse me? What’s hard, Hawks-san?” The male voice on the phone inquired.

You would have laughed had it not been for the sensual rhythm Hawks had set, shortening your concentration span.

“Hawks-san? Are you there?”

You had his undivided attention at last, and you took advantage of that by snaking one hand between your bodies, and slowly pulling your panties to the side to increase the friction as your pussy soppy pussy soaked the fabric of his pants.

“Hawks-san?”

The pro hero bit down on his lip to fight the urge to moan, but when you tugged at your bra to reveal perky nipples that bounced in unison with each snap from his hips.

“You are in so much trouble,” Hawks hissed at you.

You heard a horrified gasp come from the phone. “Uh... w-what did I do, Hawks-san?”

At this, you had no option but to cover your mouth with your hand to prevent a loud chuckle from emerging.

“Not you! Let me call later,” he didn’t even wait for a response as he threw the phone across the room, the device landing somewhere with a loud crack.

You couldn’t stop smiling, though.

He was going to fuck your brains out for this, and you couldn’t wait for it.

-

Masterlist

[botwstoriesandsuch]

How to Play as Teba AKA Birb Favouritism By Kip

This was too big to fit in an ask so here ya go anon!

A handsombe birb with a bow and a little patience, constantly in a power squat with enough spite to rival Ganon: Here’s your guide to the best main in Age of Calamity 

Teba is so good he’s so fast and so quick like omfg holy shit those strong attack damage output fucking crowd control AND is faster than Revali and pretty much everyone else at breaking weak point gauges like holy FUCK man So don’t let the chaotic attacks fool you! 

Considering you are here and asking yourself: How the fuck do I play as birb dad? You’ve probably encountered one of two problems that prevent you from taking advantage of him. 1) wth are these attacks is he even doing damage to this moblin??? I can’t comprehend these combos because I don’t know what is going on plz I just want to shoot arrows or 2) Where the fuck IS he I can’t fucking SEE anything?!?! where did he GO I’m getting motion sick

Well friend, here I am to help you with both of those problems to help you 1) Understand what the fuck is going on and 2) Find out where the fuck he came from, and where the fuck he go, cotton eye joe

His Y stream is straight forward, quite literally. You’ll notice very quickly that his attacks move his character forward, rather than being more still and stationary like Revali or Zelda(slate). I’m pretty sure his Y stream (as in, a pure Y combo with no X/strong attacks) has the furthest distance in the game, perhaps rivaled only by Riju. So basically, save your big Y combos for crowd control and NOT bosses like Moblins and the such. You don’t want to move your directional input too much, since his attacks have incredible distance and range already.

Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y: Sweep left, sweep right, charge forward, mid-air arrows forward, stomp land, large spiral forward, flash stomp to ground, to an ending backflip. 

You can see the distance here, again, with no directional input at all. Just pressing Y.

So just remember that even though the attack looks very chaotic, it’s really just a big fat straight line. 

In all honesty though, you could forget about his Y stream all together. Any benefit to them is basically trumped by his different combos which are superior in both one-on-one battles, and crowd control. 

Technically on it’s own, Teba’s combos are just good. He’s got a wind stream here and a loop twirl there. But what makes his combos arguably one of the most powerful in the game, is this ability here

This is pretty much the single handedly the most powerful perk Teba has, and it’s not even his Unique Action! It’s slightly similar to Link’s additional X action, but better in everyway. One of the draw backs of many strong attack combos are the slower speed it takes to dish it out, but this perk basically makes that draw back obsolete. It not only gives you insane additional damage, but also doubles, if not triples the length of a combo. Not to mention that half his move set is in mid-air, so the longer your combo is, the more time you’re off the ground and not taking damage. Basically, this equals fast damage for as long a length of time as you want. So! Onto the specifics

= = = = = = = = = = 

Y-X: Wind Stream. Functions essentially the same as a Y5 (spiral forward) combo, except slower. Its strength, however, lies in your additional X input, which puts you in mid air and allows you to do what I like to call an

Additional X: Arrow Pivot. You’ll know when you do it when the “Press X repeatedly” option comes up. And the end of his wind stream, Teba flies into the air and, with directional input, fires a barrage of and enemies below him up to a 360 degree movement. Final shot will be of a bomb arrow dealing additional AOE damage. You can spam the arrows for around 4 seconds in midair before it forces the bomb arrow finisher, but you can force it early by not pressing X or pressing B. In fact, for all future additional X inputs (I’ll be shortening that to AXs from now on) you can stop anytime you want but just pressing B to hover in the air. All his combos have the ability to lead into mid-air state, which can let you ride the wind and do more damage, but I’m getting ahead of myself. 

= = = = = = = = = = = 

Y-Y-X: Bomb Arrows. Teba sweeps left to right before launching into the air to fire seven bomb arrows (with his LEGS BY THE WAY) in a wide area in front of him. Deals AOE damage, of course.

AX: Instead of immediately going to bomb arrows, Teba will rapidly fire normal arrows (at your X mashing input) and can (optionally) fly forward while doing so at your directional control. This is honestly his best combo in my opinion because it not only is the best for crowd control, but is also one of the quickest ways to deplete any weak point gauges. Just remember to keep him stationary and not fly forward if you’re doing one-on-one, as you might just accidentally fly away from your enemy 

= = = = = = = = = = 

Y-Y-Y-X: Wind Bomb. Not to be confused with the speed running strategy Teba hovers in mid air and fires one massive stream of wind with a bomb arrow. It’s trail also does damage and drags enemies. Deals a LOT of damage, I believe it’s his strongest?

AX: Instead of immediately firing the wind bomb, he will fire normal arrows, but still enhanced with the wind effect. You can control the direction of any of the arrows with the controller. The finisher will be the wind bomb. While this combo deals a LOT of damage (like two normal arrow streams can take out a solid chunk of weak point gauge) It’s the slowest attack in his arsenal. There’s a larger time between each arrow strike, and if you use the full AX combo it keeps him hovering in the air for like 5 seconds, which leaves Teba pretty vulnerable. If you’re using this attack, don’t bother waiting for the wind bomb finisher and end the attack early. So while it’s technically Teba’s “strongest” in terms of damage, I wouldn’t call it his best

= = = = = = = = = = 

Y-Y-Y-Y-X: The Teba Tornado. Ok THIS is the move that has been ridiculed to death because of how chaotic it is. Teba basically swirls around in a circle and sucks any enemies into his little tornado, and then finishes with a gust of wind upwards

AX: Extends the time of the Teba Tornado, and control it’s direction, lasts for about 9-10 tornado swirls. 

DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT LOCK ONTO AN ENEMY WITH THIS MOVE. You will DIE of motion sickness, probably. Ok I mean, you could lock onto an enemy, but that’s not what this move is for. It’s intent is for gathering huge swarms of enemies into one place. The camera zooms out for a reason! It’s great for crowd control, but terrible for one-on-one. Control the movement of the tornado by moving based on the “eye” of the tornado, and not based on where Teba’s character actually is. I still stand by the fact that YYAX combo is superior, as it has better control and is much faster, but hey, this move aint all that bad once you learn how to use it

= = = = = = = = = = 

Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-X and Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-X: Arrow Strike. This is the only combo that forces you into the AX “Press X repeatedly” state. Teba does his little Y stream thing, before launching high into the air, where you are then given a circle. Move the circle around while rapidly pressing X to fire arrows wherever you choose. Ends with a bomb arrow

Note that this attack will basically make Teba invincible. This is his highest attack, and even mid air attacks won’t reach him in this state. It’s also the longest lasting combo, giving you about 7 seconds to deal as much damage as you wish. Take full advantage of this. Excellent for weak point gauges, but the set up Y attacks do take time, so make sure to use stasis. 

= = = = = = = = = = = 

Dash-Y: Small AOE stomp. Nothing to write home about, not that much damage. Just your average set up for the combos that will actually do damage

= = = = = = = = = = 

Dash-X: Flips over enemies and fires arrows before continuing forward. Honestly looks pretty badass, similar to that backflip Revali does when he was about to assassinate Link. Anyhow, good for when you just want to kill something small but have places to be so it keeps your momentum forward.

= = = = = = = = = = 

X/AX: Fires arrows high into the air. After some time, the arrows will rain back down in front of you in an amount dependent on how badly you mashed X. (Note that the arrows will always land in front of you, so if you shoot off the arrows in one direction, but then turn around in another direction, the arrows will still land in front of Teba) Ends with bomb arrows. Pretty good if you want to stack the damage with a timed combo. Also automatically strikes onto big enemies if you’ve locked onto them. Good for one-on-ones but don’t rely on it solely. 

A really good thing about Teba’s strong combos is that ALL of them are mid-air, meaning you can instantly continue any combo with your aerial attacks. As usual, your aerial combo is just Y-Y-Y-X

= = = = = = = = = = 

Aerial Y: Fires arrows in front of you. You can press Y up to three times before you’re forced into the ground

= = = = = = = = = = 

Aerial X: Teba stomps onto the ground with his talons with the aide of a gust of wind. Deals AOE. 

= = = = = = = = = = 

Special Attack: Teba gives a thumbs up of encouragement before murdering everything in his line of sight. (Damages enemies in a direct line in front of him, plus AOE)

So that’s all of Teba’s attacks. Teba’s combos are really fast with that AX damage. A good stasis plus a barrage of YYX will guarentee you a weak point break, and even if you’re slow on it, just tacking on the aerial combo will definetly break it, or at least deal headshot damage cause again, everything is midair. 

Speaking of stasis, here be the Sheikah Rune set, which is ALSO arguably the best in the game.

Stasis: Upon activation, little crosshairs will appear on your screen. Use the controller or motion controls to highlight as many enemies as you wish, and when you press X to activate, all will be stasised. Not only is this overpowered considering you can stasis as many enemies as you wish, but you also can automatically head into a combo as there is no attack animation that you need to dash cancel out of. It is also the longest lasting stasis in the game. 

Cryonis: ITS A FREE FORCEFIELD! Unlike other characters, this doesn’t spawn a usable cryonis block for you to jump off of (because *stares at Teba’s pretty much pure mid-air move set* he doesn’t need it) but instead, spawns three ice blocks that encircle you. I know that it might seem like you have to position yourself so that you have to wait until the block goes directly in front of you for it to properly counter, but don’t worry. It’ll counter all cryonis weak attacks, (by EXPLODING >:D) even if it looks like an enemy is striking you in the gap between the blocks. 

This is the quickest cryonis spawn in the game, capable of countering enemies even the singular second before they hit you with their cryonis weak attack. But other than countering those ice attacks, doesn’t do anything. Still pretty great though! 

= = = = = = = = = = 

Bombs: Teba gets a fancy Sheikah Bow, launches into mid air, and you can aim with the controller/motion to launch a powerful bomb at an enemy/horde. It is guaranteed to expose an enemy weak point gauge, regardless of whether the enemy is using it’s specific bomb counter attack. Like the Y5X combo, this positions Teba at the highest point in the air, making him immune to damage. SO not only is this a good rune for great damage and countering, it’s also a quick dodge for  if you’re in a lick of trouble. You can move out of this rune into an aerial combo/riding the wind as well. 

= = = = = = = = = = 

Magnesis: eh. It’s there. It counters weapons. It does its job. If your enemies have metal weapons it makes a little magnet storm. I was too lazy to bother getting a group of enemies with metal weapons because I killed them all with one Y sweep and didn’t feel like restarting the level. It’s magnesis. What do ya want from me. Nothings gonna rivals Slate Zelda’s magnesis combo anyhow. 

And last but not least, Unique Action! Teba can charge up his bow with ZR to deal arrow attacks that get stronger the more you charge. There are four stages indicated by a little “ding!” and also the visuals showing wind forming around Teba. 

Charge one: Fires three arrows. Pretty basic, although it has a longer range than a normal attack

= = = = = = = = = = 

Charge two: Fires five arrows, again with a large distance and higher damage than a usual Y attack

= = = = = = = = = = 

Charge three: Fires a LOT of arrows covering 180 degrees in front of Teba. Very good for clearing out crowds if you couldn’t tell

= = = = = = = = = = 

Charge four: Fires 180 degrees of bomb arrows, as well as bomb arrows into the air AS WELL as bombarding the battle field with bomb arrows from above for the next 8-10 seconds or so. 

Charge four is really what you’re looking for, although three isn’t so bad either. But there really is no excuse to not use Charge four because Teba’s Unique Action can charge at any time. So long as you’re holding ZR, whether you’re in the middle of a combo, doing aerials, blocking, running away-- the attack will be charging. And you can hold it for as long as you wish. Charge four is very very very good so always be holding down that ZR and releasing it and recharging and re-releasing. You can’t be damaged by your own explosions and you really have nothing to lose.

SO what now? Well know that you fully understand what my birb dad is capable off, here’s what to stick to. 

If you got a giant horde of bokoblins or something, just us a Y-Y-AX and go ham. It’s like a giant broom that sweeps the battlefield, doing a lot of damage. 

Stasis is your friend and your best friend and your only friend. IF you’re fighting two bosses, it’s in your best interest to use stasis to halt both of them and more. Use stasis during weak point gauges to lengthen your time which, combined with Teba’s AX attack speed, with guarantee you a break pretty much every time you use it

Even if you don’t stasis during a weak point break, stasised enemies are a good enough time to use that YYYX combo as even though it’s more vulnerable and slow as I said, when you have the ability to stasis all of your enemies, it’s as good a time as enemies to deal that big damage.

Don’t use your Charge four on stasised enemies. I mean, you can, but it’s really better for when you’re in the middle fo battle, clearing the battle field, and dealing damage even while you’re dodging. 

Don’t lock onto enemies. It just makes it easier all around. Teba like to move, let the birb move. Don’t limit him to the bird cage of the focused camera movement, it’s just easier for everyone to move the camera manually. You can snap it on and off just to focus if you want. But personal experience says it’s easier just to learn how to move the camera you lazy bum

Bomb rune is very good. It’s a free weak point stun, and a free dodge. Use it

When breaking weak point, just use the YYX combo. Yes, the Y5X is good, but honestly they’ll both get the job done, so might as well do the quicker combo and save Y5X for crowd clearing. Besides, even if your YYX doesn’t immediately clear the guage (becuase you’re SLOW at button mashing for some reason) you can continue with an aerial combo

Ending a combo and letting the final animation fully finish will drop you to the ground. Don’t. Let the final animation finish and then immediately press B, or B cancel before the final attack starts. This is because you suck on the ground cause you’re a bird. Pressing B allows you to automatically go into glide state/”ride the wind”, giving you better time to glide away to safety, or lead into an aerial combo

Your unique action charge attack can be fired even in mid air. Note that weak point smashes, special attacks, and runes will cancel any charges you make

My personal favourite combo for levels are using stasis, YYX sweep for damage, then while stasis is still going, charging and releasing a Charge Four arrow, then finish by setting up a 5YX combo. That pretty much clears all hordes, then just stasis a boss’ gauge, hold ZR while I do a YYX plus aerial, boss is stunned, use the Charge Four arrow, fall back and do some normal X attack or Ys, then finish off with the weak point.

For his seals, I’d say invest in mid-air attack damage, strong attack damage, or attack speed.  

Teba’s final Falcon Bow seal bonuses are:

Midair attack damage (Star)

Damage to foes with status effects (Star) [this is pretty useless ngl]

So I’d say stick with mid-air attack just to get the seal bonus, but don’t put all four as it, as it’ll just waste a seal slot as there’s no bonus for 5 of the same seal. So I say 3 mid-air attack, and 1 strong attack damage. But then again it’s all up for preference! 3 strong attacks plus a single star seal isn’t gonna be a bad match either

Pretty much the most powerful thing about Teba is his ability to smash a weak point pretty much the instant an enemy is down. So use his stasis and combos often. 

Although obvious his general crowd control is pretty great too! He’s jut a really well rounded character that is pretty broken and honestly rivals Impa imo

The more arrows on screen, the more chance that fps may tank...just saying. BUT! It’s not really to a rate that’s that detrimental to the experience of playing as him. Just goes to show how overpower he can be if you push yourself enough

Congrats! You have learned the ways of the bird. Now get out of my face, I’m in the mood to post more Teba gameplay....

[illyria-and-her-pet]

My Browser Extensions & Userscripts

The browsers I’ve used are Opera (& Opera GX), Firefox, Brave, Google Chrome, Ungoogled Chromium, Microsoft Edge, Vivaldi, and Waterfox. These are the extensions I use on them. For any extensions that have to do with downloading videos, see my Video Downloaders post that includes not just extensions, but also download managers, websites, and more. 

Notes for Opera, Brave, Vivaldi, Waterfox, and Ungoogled Chromium:

Opera has it’s own add-on store along with the capability to download Chrome extensions. To download Chrome extensions all you have to do is download this extension.

Brave and Vivaldi don’t have their own add-on stores, but you can download any extensions in the Chrome store like you would in Chrome without having to do anything beforehand. 

Waterfox is a fork of FIrefox that works with legacy add-ons and most current Firefox add-ons in the Firefox store. To get legacy add-ons, download the classic archive XPI from GitHub.The legacy add-ons that I use that aren’t usable in Firefox are Simple Add-On Manager (it lets you enable/disable extensions, themes, and plug-ins easily), Chrome Store Foxifed (converts Chrome CRX extensions into Firefox XPI extensions), and BarTab Plus (automatically unloads inactive tabs). For any current Firefox extensions that say they aren’t compatible, you can just got to see version history of the the add-ons in the Firefox store and download an latest older version that is compatible and if none are compatible, check the classic add-ons.

For ungoogled chromium, you have to change chrome://flags/#extension-mime-request-handling to Always Prompt for Install and get the .crx files from sites like crx4chrome or crxextractor.

AdBlocker (ESSENTIAL TO HAVE ONE... Also don’t use AdBlock or AdBlock Plus... Please choose EITHER AdGuard or uBlock Origin)

AdGuard (Available for Chrome/Brave/Vivaldi/Yandex, Opera, Firefox, Edge, & Safari on computer + they also have a free app for Android & iOS [Safari on iPhone & iPad])

AdGuard is my favorite adblocking browser extension. I used to use uBlock Origin + Nano Defender, which are also excellent, but then I discovered AdGuard, which I liked even better and uninstalled those since you shouldn’t use more than one adblocker in your browser. The reason I love AdGuard is because it works while still enabled on sites where you would have to disable uBlock Origin to get the site to work (ie. stream.nbcsports.com, youku.com).

The default settings of AdGuard are already great (just AdGuard base filter enabled), but you can enable even more filter lists and settings for the best browser experience. The ones I enable to block the most ads/annoyances/get the best privacy, while also not breaking sites I use are: AdGuard Base Filter, Peter Lowe’s List, AdGuard Tracking Protection Filter, Easy Privacy, AdGuard Social Media Filter, AdGuard Annoyances Filter, Adblock Warning Removal List, Malware Domains, Spam404, NoCoin Filter List, and Filter unblocking search ads and self-promotion. I also have Phishing & Malware Protection and Stealth Mode (Self Destructing 3rd party cookies with 2880 lifetime, Hide Referrer from third-parties, Hide your search queries, Send Do-Not-Track header, Remove Tracking Parameters) enabled.

Social Media/Enhancers

Good Twitter (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi), Firefox/Waterfox)

Light extensions that change your user agent to Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 9.0; WOW64; Trident/7.0; rv:11.0) on only twitter.com to give you the previous twitter desktop layout back. 

If you have Firefox or Waterfox, you can also change your twitter back without an extension by going to about:config, find the general.useragent.site_specific_overrides setting, right click, choose new string, enter general.useragent.override.twitter.com as the preference name, and Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 9.0; WOW64; Trident/7.0; rv:11.0) as the string value.

New XKit (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox/Waterfox, Safari) 

Note: For Firefox there is a version in the Firefox add-ons store, but it is only version 7.8.2 instead of the latest 7.9.0, so I’m linking the github xpi instead. You can just click on the xpi and Firefox should display continue to extension from github, click continue, and then the normal add add-on pop that you get for any extensions should show up and just click add/confirm your installation. If that doesn’t work, you can save the xpi to your computer, go to your Firefox add-ons page, click “install add-on from file”, choose the xpi, and then the normal add-on pop up will appear and you can click add/confirm your installation. 

An amazing extension that makes using Tumblr 1000x better and allows you to add Tumblr enhancement extensions to tumblr.com. XInbox, One-Click Postage, One-Click Reply, Tweaks, and XCloud are already installed by default. The other extensions I have installed are Go-To-Dash, Don’t Stretch Photosets, Timestamps, Soft Refresh, Search Likes, Mutual Checker, Find Inactives, Outbox, Post Archiver, Post Limit Checker, Show Picture Size, Activity+, Anti-Capitalism, Drafts+, Mass+, Read More Now, Quick Tags, Reply Viewer, TagViewer, and View on Dash. 

Chrome IG Story (Opera/Ungoogled Chromium)

Note: This was originally an extension for Chrome, but got removed from the Chrome web store. I already had it installed from the web store on Chrome and it continued to work even after it was removed. However, you can’t install it for Chrome or Brave or Vivaldi anymore even with the CRX file because it will give you  a “CRX Header Invalid” error. From the site I linked, you can still install it for Opera though by simply clicking "Download from Google CDN” or “Download from Crx4Chrome.” You can also install it on Ungoogled Chromium, if you have chrome://flags/#extension-mime-request-handling set to Always Prompt for Install like I mentioned in the note at the beginning of my post.

An extension that lets you view, download, and get direct URLs for instagram stories and live videos on the web version.

Reddit Enhancement Suite (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox, Waterfox (use version 5.12.8), Edge)

Reddit Enhancement Suite is a suite of tools to enhance your Reddit browsing experience. It includes features such as: - Never Ending Reddit - never click "next page" again! - Inline Image Viewer - adds buttons to view images without leaving the page, including support for imgur albums and more - Keyboard Navigation - browse reddit more efficiently than ever before with keyboard shortcuts for most functionality - Uppers and Downers - see the hidden vote totals that Reddit provides behind the scenes - Account Switcher - switch accounts easily and quickly - User Tagger - keep track of users you run across frequently, complete with color coded tags, etc.

An extension that makes your reddit experience way better. It works best when you use the old reddit (you can opt out of new reddit design in your account or you can just go to old.reddit.com) aka the superior reddit.

Enhancer for YouTube (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox/Waterfox, Edge)

Tons of features to improve your user experience on YouTube™: 

 ✔ Control volume level and playback speed with the mouse wheel   ✔ Remove ads from videos (automatically or on-demand)   ✔ Whitelist channels to not automatically remove their ads   ✔ Remove annotations (automatically or on-demand)   ✔ Automatically play videos in 4K, HD, or any other preferred format   ✔ Loop videos (in part or in whole)   ✔ Use custom themes   ✔ Use a larger video player   ✔ Pin the video player   ✔ Execute your own actions using JavaScript ✔ Disable next video autoplay

Social Fixer (Chrome/Brave/Vivaldi, Opera, Firefox/Waterfox, Safari, Userscript) 

Social Fixer for Facebook fixes annoyances, adds features, and enhances existing functionality to make FB more fun and efficient. Filter the news feed, hide sponsored posts and political posts, hide parts of the page you don't want to see, and more!

Thread Reader (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox/Waterfox)

This adds an “Unroll in Thread Reader” option under the arrow with the more options in a tweet, which directly takes you the unrolled thread, making it easier to read twitter threads without having to tweet at the thread reader bot or manually enter URLs on their website. 

Userscripts

You can use userscripts by downloading the userscript manager extensions: Tampermonkey (Chrome/Brave/Vivaldi, Opera, Firefox/Waterfox, Edge, Safari) or Violentmonkey (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox/Waterfox). 

On Chromium browsers, Waterfox, and  Edge I use Tampermonkey because the AdGuard Popup Blocker only works with Tampermonkey for me and VK Media Downloader still works with it. On Firefox, I use Violentmonkey because VK Media Downloader stopped working for me with Tampermonkey on Firefox on both my Windows 10 and Linux computer. AdGuard Popup Blocker doesn’t work with Violentmonkey for me (or on my Windows 10 computer even with Tampermonkey, though AdGuard Popup Blocker does work with Firefox/Tampermonkey for me on Linux), so I also use Popup Blocker (strict) (Chrome/Brave/Vivaldi, Opera, Firefox, Edge) on Firefox.

The userscripts I use are:

AntiAdware- Remove forced download accelerators, managers, and adware on supported websites

AdGuard Popup Blocker- Blocks popups on all websites

Resize Image On “Open Image In New Tab”- Super useful userscript that automatically opens images in their original/largest size (especially useful for tumblr images from text posts that get cut down to like 500 width, but with this they go back to their original size like 540 or 1280)

AdsByPasser- Skips countdown ads or continue pages or shortened links

Local YouTube Downloader- Shows all direct YouTube googlevideo URLs under each YouTube video 

VK Media Downloader- Adds a download button to VK videos and allows you to view or download direct VK video URLs

KissAnime Anti-Adblock Blocker- Removes the cruft, obtrusive advertising and their Anti-Adblock nuisance screen

KissAnime Complete captcha removal- After installing this script you'll probably forget about captchas in Kissanime for good, because it jumps directly to the video without passing by the captcha's page. The only catch is that you'll be using Rapidvideo server as long as this script is activated. (In case you choose a different server you'll have to manually answer the captcha)

Productivity/Usefulness 

Extensity (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi)

A LIFESAVER and MUST HAVE extension for anyone who uses a Chromium based browser. It allows you to quickly enable or disable any extensions (so you don’t have to go to your browser extension page and manually enable and disable there), turn on and off all your extensions at once, and create different profiles for which extensions will be enabled or disabled in them. If you’re someone who uses a lot of extensions like me, it’s absolutely essential, especially since some extensions may break some sites and this lets you easily turn them off if they do. 

Google Translate (Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox/Waterfox) or Translator for Microsoft Edge

These give you the ability to translate entire pages in the same tab/page just like Google Chrome’s built in feature

PageZipper (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox/Waterfox)

A super useful extension that makes it so pages like photo galleries, articles/slide shows with “next”, forum posts, search page results, comment pages, basically anything with multiple pages, etc. loads all on the same page when you scroll. It’s so convenient to not have to constantly click next and spend time loading new pages. All you have to do to enable the extension is click on the icon in your toolbar (you can tell when it’s on when the icon turns green).  

The Great Suspender (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi) or Auto Tab Discard (Firefox)

Extensions that automatically suspend tabs you aren’t using, so they don’t use CPU or memory while they’re open

AutoplayStopper (Chrome/Opera/Vivaldi, also works in Waterfox using Chrome Store Foxified)

Note: Not necessary in Firefox or Brave. In Firefox, you can change media.autoplay.allow-muted and media.autoplay.enabled.user-gestures-needed to false in about:config settings to stop autoplay. As of Firefox 69, Firefox automatically blocks autoplay of both audio and video by default without having to change anything in the about:config settings! :D Brave automatically stops autoplay by default. Both allow you to whitelist sites where blocking autoplay makes videos fail to play. In Waterfox, you can set media.autoplay.enabled to false, but there isn’t a whitelist option and this can break sites, so I prefer to use AutoplayStopper since you can choose to allow autoplay on sites with the extension.

An extension that stops autoplay of HTML 5 and flash videos (you can also allow autoplay if it breaks any sites like rabb.it for example)

Buster: Captcha Solver for Humans (Chrome/Brave/Vivaldi, Opera, Firefox/Waterfox)

Buster is a browser extension which helps you to solve difficult captchas by completing reCAPTCHA audio challenges using speech recognition. Challenges are solved by clicking on the extension button at the bottom of the reCAPTCHA widget. 

f*ck overlays (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi) or ffCk Overlays (Firefox)

Right click on any element or overlay in a page and choose “fuck it” to get rid of it

Peek (Chrome/Brave/Vivaldi, Opera, Firefox/Waterfox) 

An amazing extension that lets you view downloadable media without having to download it! It works for me to watch mediafire videos without downloading them for example.

Page Cache Archiver (Firefox, Waterfox [use version 1.7.0]) or Wayback Machine (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi)

Page Cache Archiver is the best of the page archiving extensions because it lets you save current pages and get previous archived pages using basically all the archiving sites. It does have a Chromium version, but it’s not nearly as good as the Firefox version, so I only recommend it for Firefox. On Firefox, you see all the options when you right click the extension icon on the toolbar. On Chromium browsers... you can’t see any of the options and when you try to change the action on click it automatically goes back to default settings, so all clicking does is save current pages to archive.is. 

Wayback Machine is my preferred archiver extension for Chrome/Brave/Opera. It only uses Wayback Machine, but it allows you to save and get previous archived pages for any site. And if a site has a 404 not found error, it will automatically ask you if you want to find archived versions. You can also choose between the first archived version or the most recent one.

Volume Master (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi)

An extension that lets you adjust the volume for each tab and lets you increase the volume up to 600%. Super useful for any videos with really quiet audio. 

User-Agent Switcher and Manager (Chrome/Brave/Vivaldi, Opera, Firefox/Waterfox)

This extension allows you to reliably spoof your browser "User-Agent" string to a custom one. The extension provides a list of all well-known "User-Agent" strings for different browsers and operating systems as follows:

Supported operating systems: Windows, Mac OS, Linux, Chromium OS, Ubuntu, Debian, Android, iOS, AmigaOS, OpenBSD, BeOS, Haiku, Solaris, NetBSD, FreeBSD, Slackware, SUSE, gentoo, Fedora, Gentoo, Mageia, CentOS, Mint, DragonFly, Kubuntu, Mandriva, Zenwalk, Unix, GNU, OS/2, AIX, QNX, BEOS, RISC OS, Symbian, Nintendo, OpenSolaris, Kubuntu

Supported browsers: Internet Explorer, Safari, Chrome, Firefox, Opera, Edge, WebKit, Avant, Maxthon, Arora, Mozilla, Epiphany, Camino, Chimera, Chromium, Dragon, conkeror, Conkeror, Dillo, Links, Firebird, Swiftfox, Netscape, Flock, iCab, Iceape, icecat, IceCat, IceWeasel, Iron, Meleon, Konqueror, Lunascape, Lynx, MAXTHON, midori, Midori, KHTML, Mosaic, NetSurf, OmniWeb, Tablet, Mini, Phoenix, RockMelt, Safari, Browser, SeaMonkey, Slim, Webkit, w3m

Super useful, especially for Opera. For me, DisneyNow can’t be played on Opera because it will say my browser doesn’t support HLS Streaming, but I just change my user-agent to Chrome with this and then it works perfectly!

Picture-in-Picture (Chrome/Brave/Vivaldi)

Note: Not necessary for Opera or Firefox. Opera already has video pop out enabled by default and Firefox picture in picture can be enabled in about:config settings by changing media.videocontrols.picture-in-picture.enabled, media.videocontrols.picture-in-picture.video-toggle.enabled, and media.videocontrols.picture-in-picture.video-toggle.flyout-enabled to true.

For some video sites in Chrome/Brave (the well known ones like YouTube for example), you can just right click and see picture in picture built in. However, the extension is much better for working on nearly every site. The extension works on rabb.it and DisneyNOW for example, while the built in right click doesn’t. For the extension you just have to click on the icon in your toolbar. 

OpenVideo - ad-free streaming (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox/Waterfox)

You can... ...watch every video on the internet without ads or popups (even on sites which block adblockers) ...download every video ...watch every video in theatre mode (useful for annoyingly bright websites with too small video players) ...watch videos over a proxy for more anonymity and to surpass geo-blocking (eg. Indonesia) ...add subtitles easily from url or hard drive ...watch videos again over the library (starts video where you left) How it works: ► when OpenVideo detects a video on your current site, the number of detected videos will be shown on the OpenVideo extension icon ► click the icon to watch these videos without ads or popups The OpenVideo player is automatically used on the following streaming hosts: ► OpenLoad ► FrutStreams (Streamango / Streamcherry / ...) ► RapidVideo ► MyCloud ► Mp4Upload ► Vidoza ► StreamCloud ► Vivo ► VidTo ► SpeedVid ► FlashX ► TheVideo

The Camelizer (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox/Waterfox)

Shows price history while viewing items on Amazon

Absolute Enable Right Click & Copy (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox/Waterfox)

Gets right click and copy and paste to work on sites that disabled it. For any site that blocks right click and/or copy, just click on this extension and enable copy mode and absolute mode. Unnecessary on Chrome/Brave/Opera if you have the feature to block websites copy and right click protections in Browser Plugs Fingerprint Privacy Wall.

Privacy and Security

Privacy Badger (Chrome/Brave/Vivaldi, Opera, Firefox/Waterfox)

Privacy Badger automatically learns to block invisible trackers. Instead of keeping lists of what to block, Privacy Badger learns by watching which domains appear to be tracking you as you browse the Web. Privacy Badger sends the Do Not Track signal with your browsing. If trackers ignore your wishes, your Badger will learn to block them. Privacy Badger starts blocking once it sees the same tracker on three different websites. Besides automatic tracker blocking, Privacy Badger removes outgoing link click tracking on Facebook, Google and Twitter, with more privacy protections on the way.

Privacy Badger is an awesome extension that blocks trackers. For the most part, it doesn’t break sites, but if it does, you can easily just disable it for the site, if you’re not tech savvy. My favorite thing for those that are tech savvy though is you can adjust each individual tracker, so you can enable the one needed to unbreak the site, while still blocking the rest of the trackers. 

Decentraleyes (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox/Waterfox)

Protects you against tracking through "free", centralized, content delivery. It prevents a lot of requests from reaching networks like Google Hosted Libraries, and serves local files to keep sites from breaking. Complements regular content blockers.

Excellent privacy extension that has never broken any sites for me

HTTPS Everywhere (Chrome/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox, Waterfox [use version 2019.6.4])

Encrypt the Web! Automatically use HTTPS security on many sites. HTTPS Everywhere is an extension created by EFF and the Tor Project which automatically switches thousands of sites from insecure "http" to secure "https". It will protect you against many forms of surveillance and account hijacking, and some forms of censorship.

NOTE: Unnecessary if you use Brave, since HTTPS Everywhere is already built into Brave’s Shield. Also, for Opera most extensions download fine directly from the Chrome store, but for some reason this one is super buggy and doesn’t work for me a lot. But downloading from CRX4Chrome or CRX Extractor works fine for me.

Another privacy extension that has never broken any sites for me :)

Cookie AutoDelete (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox, Waterfox [use version 2.2.0])

Automatically deletes cookies from closed tabs or windows and lets you whitelist sites to keep cookies on, so you don’t have to constantly log back in and out

NoScript (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox, Waterfox [use version 5.1.8.4 through Classic Add-Ons Archive])

Note: You should only use this if you’re willing for a lot of websites to break because it disables javascript on all sites by default. You have to enable the scripts on a page to get the pages working yourself. I love this because it allows me to have only the scripts necessary for the website to work running, while all the other scripts get blocked. 

I don’t care about cookies (Chrome/Brave/Vivaldi, Opera, Firefox/Waterfox)

Allows only cookies necessary for the page to work and gets rid of annoying cookie notices on websites

CanvasBlocker (Firefox/Waterfox) or Canvas Fingerprint Defender (Chrome/Opera/Vivaldi)

Note: Unnecessary on Brave, since Brave Shield has the option to block 3rd party fingerprinting or all fingerprinting. In Brave, you can also change the settings per site in the shield to all device recognition allowed, if it breaks a specific site.

Fakes canvas fingerprint value to protect you from sites trying to fingerprint you

Browser Plugs Fingerprint Privacy Wall (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi)

Privacy extension that blocks font fingerprinting, webGL fingerprinting, can remove right click or copy restrictions, etc. There’s also a white list, if any sites get broken (for me I had to add youku, discord, and dailymotion to the white list to unbreak them). 

minerBlock (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox/Waterfox)

Blocks cryptominers, which is very useful when visiting torrent sites 

CSS Exfill Protection (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox/Waterfox)

Guard your browser against CSS Exfil attacks! CSS Exfil is a method attackers can use to steal data from web pages using Cascading Style Sheets (CSS). This plugin sanitizes and blocks any CSS rules which may be designed to steal data.

ClearURLs (Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi, Firefox/Waterfox)

Removes tracking and other extra unnecessary parameters from URLs using around 130 rules

Don’t touch my tabs (rel=noopener) [Firefox/Waterfox]

Prevent tabs opened by a hyperlink from hijacking the previous tab by adding the rel=noopener attribute to all hyperlinks (excluding same-domain hyperlinks).

Privacy Oriented Origin Policy (Firefox, Waterfox [use version 0.3.0]) 

Prevent Firefox from sending Origin headers when they are least likely to be necessary, to protect your privacy.

[eriktheswift]

The Holloween Tree (four years later)

Part I: The Kids

It was a small town by a small river and small lake somewhere in the world. Not Earth, just the world. Four adolescent teenagers showed up at the only four-way junction in the small town they live in. They call it “the spot,” though there are indeed many other such “spots” that they use throughout the neighborhood.

One of them, a sketelot, jumped off his skateboard, letting it roll across the quiet road, to hit the shins of his friend, the hoar.

“Oh my gosh, ah, that hurts guys,” he exclaimed, almost automatically.

“Sorry, Wally.” This was the Which talking. She was speaking for Tom, because she was not sorry. Neither was Tom.

The fourth member of the group pushed up his glasses, shoved his cellphone back into his pocket, flicked his bright green mohawk out of his face, and said “Yo, why’re we here again?” He was dressed as a zombie.

Tom addressed the situation. “Guys, don’t you remember? Today’s holloween! We have to go trick or treating like we’ve always done, pretending everything’s like it was.”

“Uhh, yeah duh,” Jerry the zombie said. “I got your text. Just why’re we here? Shouldn’t we be with Pip or something?”

“Oh my gosh yes! Where is he? He should be here by now! He’s never late, especially on hal-“

“Shut up Wally,” Tom stated.

Soon after, they all met at Pip’s house. Jenny was on the skateboard now*. Pip’s house was as dark as the forest that surrounded it. No pumpkins, no lights, no candy, no popcorn. Something was definitely wrong.

Tom said what was on everybody’s mind. “Something is definitely wrong here.”

They spotted a note on the door. It said: ‘Hey guys. If you’re reading this, then all went according to plan. I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye to you in person, but it would’ve been too predictable. Well, you go on without me. Don’t worry about me. Ready, set, go?’

“Wait,” Jenny began. “How old were we when we saved Pip?”

Jerry piped in. “I dunno how old we were, but that was four years ago this very night. Just sayin.”

“K’mon guys,” Tom said. “Let’s face it. Pipkin’s dead again. And there’s only one place for us to go.”

*Jenny, dressed as the Which, has obligations to be on a portable vehicle of some kind, to give her broomstick some appearance of flight. She’s quite good at it, having some practice a few years back when her and Tom were dating. She had a skateboard herself, but after breaking up with Tom, decided to ‘break up’ her love for him. Literally. They’re on speaking terms now, albeit fragile terms. As for her bike, she outgrew it four years ago. Now her hobby is jogging.

Part II: Moundshroud

The stormy clouds of October made an uncertain look to them, stars peeking through them, then quickly hiding again. Somehow, no matter how accurate you measured the moon, it seemed to grow larger and deeper in details every minute that ticked closer to midnight. Down through the forest they went, a kind of wind chilling their bones. Double the chill for Tom. He was twice as bony.

Long story short, they met Moundshroud again. “And just what do you want this time, Sketelot?,” went the creaky voice of Leonard Nimoy.

Wally began to say “We’re here for-“

“QUIET. I wasn’t talking to you, Tubby.” He peered a leering eye at Tom, half annoyed, half intrigued.

“Well,” Tom began. The presence of The Moundshroud was always a little frightening, for those with enough wit to know why. “We’re here for,” he glanced at Wally. “We wanna know where Pipkin is.”

“Ahh, that meddler! Yes, it’s as I should’ve known. You want to save the boy who’s worth more than your lives, hmm?”

Jenny crossed her arms. “That’s right.”

“Mmh, pity.” The pale-green face of a squash whipped his nose 180˚ around, drawing up his cape as black as pitch. He stormed out of the main room, leaving the four in an awkward silence. They heard various rummages in the back, followed by a “Hmph” Moundshroud came back, dragging with him a tattered old carpet. “Yes, his time is due alright. Unfortunately, he’s managed to plan his escape somewhat flawlessly. Somewhat flawless, I say,” He clarified. “He must’ve gotten word of his, ehem, planned ordeal four years ahead of time.” His nose pointed guiltily at the teenagers. “Ah well. Same deal as before, I assume?”

The kids exchanged slightly nervous glances. They each nodded in turn.

Moundshroud flung the mildew carpet on the ground, letting it slowly unravel itself and hover an inch above the hardwood floor. “What say you we begin our little hunt, ehh? Ready for another adventure worth a thousand generations, through time and space?” He jeered into each of their souls, ever so briefly. “Hm, me neither.”

Part III: Pipkin

To what seemed like a literal eternity for the teenagers was merely a blink of an eye to an outside observer. After seven continents and four dozen pyramids of adventure, Pipkin’s last desperate voice cried out, as his soul was finally captured by Moundshroud. Jenny’s voice crackled in Tom’s ear. “Okay, Tommy. Show’s over, nice job.” Tom engaged his thrusters and leaped back up the cliffside. Jerry’s arm shot down a vulturaptor that was following Tom’s tail.

Back at base, Moundshroud held up the weathered old pumpkin of Pipkin. “Well well, mine at last. You kids did a fine job, aye, fine indeed!”

Tom slurped some of Wally’s ‘Vulturaptor soup special’ and gave Moundshroud a look. “But wait, he’s not yours yet. We made a deal, remember?”

“Hmm? Deal? Ahh yes, hmm, beg pardon. Now what was it exactly?”

Tom washed the soup down with a swig of swill and stood up. “One year. From all of us.”

Moundshroud asked, “Was that one year from each of you?” His eyes blinked black.

The crowd of three shifted behind Tom.

Tom gulped noisily. “That’s right.”

The Pumpkin Manager smiled in a way they haven’t seen before, even through all the countless eons they spent hunting Pipkin with him. “I’m sorry kids, but that’s not enough.”

All teens unanimously said. “What?”

“You see,” He began. “You’re not holding up your end of the bargain.” He pointed at Wally. “You. You don’t have enough to give me. All you can spare is three months.”

Wally’s face turned beet red, then struck open into a ghastly white. All eyes were on him. “Oh my gosh, oh my goshohmygoshohmyhoghugmygosh…”

“Well great,” Tom said, darkness in his eyes. “Now Pipkin’s not gonna live as long, on account of Wally’s stupid choices shortening his life!” A bitter hatred flared up.

Wally began to recover. “Well, gee. I-I can’t spend anymore time for Pip. As it is, he’s gonna-“

“You’re pathetic.” This was Tom again. The hate remained. “It’s just the thing I’d expect from you. Don’t you know why we sacrificed our time for Pipkin? It’s because he matters. He matters more than any of us, especially YOU.”

“Oh, gosh Tom. I thought we were friends…” Wally innocently murmured.

“We were never friends. That’s why I always met up at our spot across the street from you. But we’re next-door neighbors. If it weren’t for Pipkin, I’d never hang around with you.” He sighed away the demonic anger. “But he always found time for us. Even you. All my life, I’ve always wanted to be just like Pipkin, just as jovial, just as meaningful, just as forgiving. He was the best. He IS the best. And he can always be here for us, just for a little bit longer. Just a few more months. Just to tell him that I…that I…” His eyes glistened with tears.

Jenny rolled her eyes. This is why we broke up.

Jerry stepped down. “Eesh. Look, I never had a prob with Wally here.” Wally gave him a trembly smile. “So if he don’t wanna sacrifice his life for Pip, well, neither will I.”

Tom darted his red eyes at Jerry. “That’s because you haven’t even done it before. You weren’t THERE the first time! If Ralph never moved away-“

“Oh, so THAT’S what this is about, is it?” Jerry spat. “Gonna pin the blame on me now as well, just because I’m not agreeing with your plan, now is that it? I’m just the second-rate, Johnny-come-late friend, who’s only known Pip for two years instead of five! Big deal!”

“Six,” said Tom. “And you’ve never been a replacement. You could never replace Ralph. Besides, your name is so confusing. I mean, it’s only two letters away from Jenny.”

Jenny stopped rolling her eyes. “He’s got a point, you know.” She blew bubblegum out of her mouth.

“ENOUGH!” Moundshroud extended his arm-capes in a fiery scowl. “I have all the time in the world and I’m not going to spend it on listening to your bickering and bitching. Are you in or out?”

Jerry took a step back. Wally just sat there, mouthing a certain phrase over and over. Jenny crossed her arms. Tom opened his mouth. “Okay. I’m still in.”

“One year from the end of your timeline, in exchange for a year of Pipkin’s life?”

“Well, no.”

“NO?!” Moundshroud’s face got really close.

“You see, I was thinking now more like…six months.”

The Wizard of Time leaned back. Almost disappointedly adding, “You’d do that for him?”

Tom gulped noisily again. Twice. “Yes.”

Jenny popped into the conversation. “Err, I’ll add three months.” Moundshroud blinked.

“What are you doing Jenny?,” the Sketelot said. “If you’re gonna participate, you gotta do six months. Make it a full year.”

Jenny the Which thought about it, shrugged, then thought again. She crossed her arms. “Fuck you Tom. You do it.”

In the end, Jenny agreed to give Pipkin three months, while Tom gave six. Moundshroud gave them each a drink (tasted like grape kool-aid) and said “Chew, swallow, swallow and…well, swallow anyway. And I hope I never have to see you all for a while now.” He smiled at Wally. “Except I’ll be seeing you very shortly.” Then, abruptly, he disappeared with the universe.

Part IV: The End

Before they knew it, the four teenagers found themselves in a cold field of overgrown weeds. The waining crescent beamed down at them. Shivering, they bundled up in their futuristic clothing and made a mad-dash to Pipkin’s house. By the time they arrived, the sun was just beginning to bring a light to the foggy ground. And there, up in the same old bedroom window, sleepy-eyed and dazed, forest of freckles, with Jupiter’s red spot doubled as cheeks, was Pip. “Hullo guys,” he said. “I had a strange dream last night. Something of laser-beams and vulturaptors and…well, thanks for saving me. Again. I owe ya one. Or maybe two. Well, how much do I owe ya guys anyway?” The sleep went away from his eyes. “No really, was it the same as last time?”

The kids exchanged looks and shuffled feet. Tom at last spoke up. “Err, don’t worry Pipkin. Everything’ll be okay. Well, see you tomorrow.”

As they began to walk away, ready to sleep for another eternity, Jenny whispered, “Has he always been like this? I dunno, maybe it’s just chasing him all this time made me sour.”

Tom sighed. “All this time trying to get him, just so we can keep him for a little longer. But he’s always the same. It’s not him getting older, it’s us.

“Gosh, I’ll say,” Wally went.

Tom told him to “Just shut up already. Look, you’ve only got three months left, right? That’s what He said. So why do you even bother hanging around us? Why don’t you just get all the drugs, sex, and rock-and-roll while you still can?”

Wally stopped walking. The others kept going.

Then Jerry said, “Say, I know what we’ll do next Holloween.” The others groaned. “Hey hey, listen here. How bout we just go out to a party like most people our age do? Get ourselves a drink, in memory of Pip or something.” They kept walking, into the fog.

One month later, Wally, the Hoar became the most bad-ass partier west of the Mississippi. Eight months after that, Pipkin choked to death at a movie theater.

[ryttu3k]

Best tips posted on 'things you didn't know you could do in BotW', posting here for reference!

When you have bombs equipped, you can drop them from the air and detonate them while paragliding by pressing the L button.

With a Hinox you can put on your stealth suit and then get onto his hand. Crouch down, then when he goes to scratch himself he'll lift you right onto his chest.

I didn't know you could just hold a Warm/Cold weapon to fight off the cold/heat.

Blue Hinoxes have shin guards made out of barrels around their legs. You can set them on fire, making them panic and try and stomp them out, which gives you extra time to attack them without retaliation. Doesn't work on the black one though, their shin guards are made of leather or something.

Metal actually, you can electrocute them.

When it's raining, any electrified sword like a great thunder sword or thunder blade does a lot of extra damage to enemies.

Continuously sneakstrike. If you sneakstrike an enemy-  they automatically go into a drop animation. when they stand back up- they will quickly face the direction you hit them from- so just stand opposite of that and sneakstrike them again and again. (make quick work of silver enemies)

bokoblins/moblins go to sleep from 10pm to 4am unless theyre on watch duty.

a jump into a shield slide is essentially a doublejump. you get extra height and distance- you can quickly unequip it before landing to avoid durability loss.

you can stasis+ an octorok's rock and neuter it for 10 seconds- as it can only have one rock at a time.

drop 5 wood then light it up. free infinite updraft. you've come across a korok pinwheel challenge and are low on arrows? use this updraft to get slowmo and hit each of them easily. also use it to slowmo on Lynels for easy kills. Use it as a discount Revali's gale too.

Jump cancel- attacks. Certain attack animations can be cancelled with a jump. Its uses? Timing. If you do the 2hand stamina swing- it finishes with a large overhead swing. But that takes long and you can't move while doing it. So just jump cancel out of the swing as means to end it without that finisher.

You can cancel most attacking animations by jumping or dodging. And specifically for Heavy Weapons, you can cancel some attacks by running. By doing this, some weapons can get a nice speed boost in terms of attacking speed, especially the Heavy Weapons. You can even cancel dash attacks and spin attacks this way. The only real exception is a Spear's dash attack, which lingers for too long and can't really be canceled effectively.

Star Fragments can be used as a very good light source, when held, if you don't have a torch. They're brighter than most other items you can hold, including bombs or Luminous Stones.

Chu Jellies are a decent source of early income since you don't really need to use them for much, and you can drop normal Chu Jellies next to a fire place to easily turn them into Fire Chu Jellies. Using this method, the selling price doubles from 5 rupees to 10, and additionally they make for a great fire starter if you don't want to bother with flint.

Hinox enemies are particularly weak to being struck in the face with a Metal Box via Magnesis. This trick especially helps on Eventide Island, which allows you to take him out with little to no trouble. Just lure him up the path that leads up to the Bokoblins and Electric Chu Jellies (after taking them out of course), and then use Magnesis to whack the Hinox in the face with a Metal Box over and over again before he eventually dies.

And speaking of Thunderstorms and metal weapons, you can place a metal weapon in a pile of dropped Chu Jellies in order to create Lighting Chu Jellies. 

An easy way to reflect a Guardian's beam attacks is by standing at the exact distance where they stop moving to approach you, waiting for them to charge their beam attack, and then immediately hitting the Parry button as soon as you see a blue light emit from their eyes (right after the red circle is gone). If your timing is good, you'll be able to deflect their shot most of the time. Adjust your distance to better suit your timing, such as walking slowly backwards to give yourself a few frames of extra timing. 

The Royal Claymore is one of the best weapons in the game, and it is super easy to get. It respawns at the top of Woodland Tower. 52 damage + 40 uses.

Ry’s note: try using Revali’s Gale to get on top of the stone thing if you’re not confident with your climbing!

You can stasis+ enemies then run up behind them and sneakstrike them. 

You can throw rusty weapons at Octorocs who will clean the weapon and make it quite formidable. 

Octoroks that do the deep inhale only... 

When using weapons such as fire rods pressing R won't throw the weapon. Instead it allows you to aim your shots. 

You can use stasis on a Bokoblin on horseback as they gallop towards you..It doesn't effect the horse so they end up stuck in the air as their horse runs off! 

You can cause those large groups of keese to flee by using stasis on one of them, and it works from quite far away. 

in many shrine trial puzzles you can stand on a button and use stasis on it to freeze the button in the pressed position long enough until you can make it to the gate, or in many trials there are hidden secondary chests that are made out of metal and you can push them around with magnesis to interact with the main puzzle to push boulders or conduct electricity or weigh down a switch 

repeat the path to zoras domain and fight all the lizalfos along the way for many arrow pick ups, use lightning protection/immunity if you have it 

Red jellies are more abundant than flint, and instantly ignite when tossed on briars. Additionally, they can instantly sear foods in bulk with no threat of burning them like a campfire. White jellies can freeze foods instantly, helpful if you're low on heat resistance in the desert.

Aside from converting blue jellies to red by tossing them in fire, you can also convert them to white, yellow or red by dropping a bunch and hitting them with elemental weapons. Came in handy when I needed colored chu jellies for upgrades. 

You can change the element of Chu Chu jelly - fire or hot area/cold area for red or white jelly. Or, if you swing an elemental weapon at dropped jelly it will change to match the element of the weapon without using durability. 

While it is raining, wandering merchant will sell rarer goods. 

you can farm arrows off of bokoblin archers just stand far enough away from then that they will fire at you while holding a wooden sheild up and the arrows will stick to it, after you get three to four arrows stuck lower your sheild and they will go in your inventory. wash rinse repeat. 

I like to use Stasis to locate hard to see items, such as things camouflaged by tall grass, or stray items after a fight where I was too busy to grab them right away. Magnesis sorta works as well, but only for metallic objects, so Stasis is better for this. 

Buying the stamina containers doesn't only increase your max stamina, it also makes you regenerate stamina more quickly so you can actually travel more quickly

Ice conducts electricity as rain or water does, so alternate ice sword and electric sword to clear groups even late game with relative ease. 

So you know that you can take Selfies in this Game and even pose Link right? But did you know that his expression during the Selfie actually changes if he's hot or cold? 

you also get more emotes when holding down ZL

To add onto this, the ZL + Left emote changes depending on what weapon type you have equipped, and in the case of one-handed swords, whether or not you have a shield equipped as well.

Fairies will only show up at the great fairy fountains if you have 2 or less fairies in your inventory. If you have more than 2, you can hold up to 5 fairies (like you are going to cook them) and then more fairies will appear. This way you can get a max of 11 fairies (go to a fountain with 7 fairies, hold 5 in hand so only 2 in inventory, wait for fairies to appear, put the five fairies back in inventory, grab the 4 fairies that just appeared). 

If you feed your horse an Endura Carrot it will have more dash charges when you mount it. 

You can make candy by just cooking honey. Want a Twilight Princess/Skyward Sword favorite? Pumpkin, Wheat, Milk and Butter will make you a lovely Pumpkin Stew (I know it was Soup in the other games but it's close enough) Milk, Wheat, Butter, and any variety of snail will make some Clam Chowder

There's a woman in Rito village that wants a baked apple. Afterwards, she'll continue to buy them from you with an increase in pay for higher bulk. Getting 100 apples, flash cooking them at death mountain and selling them at once got me 1200 rupees. 

Magnesis and Stasis are great for scanning a local environment for any spoils (weapons, food, rupees, etc) 

magnesis + metal weapon +  raft sail = raft powered. Just drop a metal weapon, use magnesis to pick up weapon and push it into sail. It will move the raft. 

If you have the Saas Ko'sah Shrine inside Hyrule castle, you can teleport there to gain a quite helpful effect. When you are inside Hyrule castle not only does the Master Sword always glow blue, but your Champion abilities such as Mipha's Grace and Rivali's Gale cool down get significantly shorter. It shortens the cooldown by 2/3rds. Revali's Gale is the shortest ability to recharge already at 6 minutes, but in Hyrule castle it recharges in only 2 minutes. Mipha's Grace normally takes around 24 minutes to recharge outside, but in Hyrule Castle it only requires 8 minutes to recharge. Urbosa's Fury only takes 4 minutes to recharge instead of 12 and Daruk's protection takes only 6 minutes to recharge compared to 18 minutes

A good way to take down Lynels is headshot, mount, then wail. Attacking Lynels while mounted doesn't wear down durability, so I do that with Barbarian set and Savage Lynel Sword 97 damage for that sweet 50% damage boost. I can kill a Lynel in less than 5 minutes using this tactic.

Hitting a metal object in the rain with electricity causes an AOE electric field exactly like the electric lizafolos. Shooting enemies holding metal weapons works too. Just the metal wielding ones. Any enemy caught in the AOE get elemental damage and if wielding metal drop it.

[jonathanbelloblog]

First Drive: 2019 Mercedes-AMG GT 63 S 4-Door Coupe

AUSTIN, Texas – Right now is not the time to savor the 1450-watt Burmester surround-sound audio system or the 64-color ambient interior lighting or the 12.3-inch high-res color navigation display because, at the moment, the speedo is flashing 159 mph and if I don’t brake immediately and very hard indeed I will fly right through Turn 12 at Circuit of the Americas and into the kitchen of the nearby Green Mesquite BBQ. Fortunately, I do not currently have two passengers riding along in the back seats, because going airborne would undoubtedly spill their Moët & Chandon Rosé.

Last year, the 2018 Mercedes-AMG GT R won one of eight coveted spots on our 2018 Automobile All-Stars list. Our resident hot shoe Andy Pilgrim dubbed it “the best example of brute force with no ignorance I’ve ever had the pleasure of driving.” The only problem? The two-door GT R allowed its driver to share its staggering muscle and handling brilliance with only one lucky passenger.

Well, AMG devotees can now invite three friends to the power party, thanks to the arrival of the all-new 2019 Mercedes-AMG GT 4-Door Coupe. Unlike its two-door sibling, the new four-door is not an AMG-modified version of an existing Benz. It’s an entirely AMG-bred machine, an all-wheel-drive, performance-biased rival to the Porsche Panamera. The U.S. market will get three versions. The entry-level model is the GT 53, featuring Benz’s all-new, turbocharged 3.0-liter inline six with an electric supercharger and a mild hybrid system dubbed “EQ Boost” that adds 21 horsepower and as much as 184 pound-feet of torque. Total output is 429 hp at 6,000 rpm and 384 pound-feet at 5,800. Next up is the GT 63, which boasts the same AMG 32-valve, twin-turbo 4.0-liter V-8 found in the two-door GT R. It delivers 577 hp at 5,500 rpm and 74 more pound-feet of torque than in the two-seater, 590 lb-ft at 2,500 rpm. Finally, at the top of the pyramid, just itching to meet a Panamera Turbo at a stoplight, is the version I drove around COTA, the GT 63 S, with its version of the twin-turbo V-8 boosted to a thundering 630 hp at 6,500 rpm and 664 lb-ft at 2,500. Both V-8 models are mated to a wet-clutch nine-speed automatic transmission; the GT 53 gets a nine-speed with a conventional torque converter. The V-8 GTs will arrive early in 2019, with the GT 53 following shortly thereafter.

As you’d expect from AMG’s star GT 4-Door, the 63 S is one seriously quick automobile. The maker claims a 0-to-60-mph time of just 3.1 seconds and a top speed electronically limited to 195 mph. There’s also the all-weather versatility of AMG Performance 4Matic+ variable all-wheel drive, which uses an electro-mechanical clutch to bias more torque to the front axle as necessary. Standard on the 63 S (and optional on the GT 63) is a Drift Mode feature, which deactivates the transfer case when the car is in Race mode, allowing the 63 S to operate entirely in rear-wheel drive—the better to burn the back tires into smoking husks while you pirouette sideways through turns. Also standard on the V-8 models are an electronically locking rear diff and rear-wheel steering. Up to 62 mph, the rear tires steer opposite to the fronts, effectively shortening the wheelbase and improving responsiveness. Above 62 mph, the rears steer in phase with the fronts—elongating the wheelbase for added stability at speed.

No fewer than six driving modes are available to tailor the 63 S to your motoring needs: Slippery, Comfort, Sport, Sport+, Race, and Individual, which allows the driver to create a customized profile of powertrain response, steering feel, suspension damping, and even the exhaust valves. Within the various modes is a new AMG Dynamics feature that—using on-board sensors to monitor such inputs as speed, lateral-g force, and steering angle—constantly adjusts the stability control, all-wheel drive, rear-axle steering, and the limited slip. The Slippery and Comfort driving modes get a “basic” setting, optimized for stability. In Sport mode the AMG Dynamics shift to “advanced,” which lowers yaw damping and quickens steering response for improved responsiveness. Sport+ gets a “pro” setting, which adds even more liveliness and driving assistance. Finally, for track driving, the Race mode uses a “master” setting that allows a bit of oversteer and the quickest steering response of all. Whenever a particular driving mode is selected, the corresponding AMG Dynamics setting is displayed on the multimedia screen.

While the GT 53 rides on an AMG Ride Control sport suspension with steel springs and adaptive damping, the V-8 models feature an air suspension, also with adaptive damping. Three different spring-tuning settings are available, depending on the selected driving mode. To reduce roll and pitch, the spring rate is also automatically adjusted in such conditions as hard acceleration, heavy braking, or sudden turning maneuvers.

Active aerodynamics are employed on every AMG GT, the rear spoiler flattening-out for reduced drag on straightaways and moving to a steep, high-downforce setting in turns. Choose the available Aerodynamics package (available only on V-8 GTs), and the size of the front splitter is increased while the active rear wing is replaced with a fixed, manually adjustable rear spoiler. At 186 mph, the fixed rear wing provides an additional 66 pounds of downforce compared with the active version. In front, 20 vertical fins in the lower front bumper are opened and closed by an electric motor to steer the airflow as necessary (and to ensure optimum engine cooling).

While nowhere near as dramatic as its long-hooded, two-door GT R cousin, the GT 4-Door is a clean, flowing shape with a profile a bit more rakish than its Panamera rival’s—though not as distinctive as the Maserati Quattroporte’s. The V-8 models get a sportier front end than the GT 53, with larger air intakes wrapped in silver trim. Optional cosmetic packages include Night (with high-gloss black trim), Chrome, and Carbon Fiber. Wheel sizes from 19 inches to 21 inches are available, all of them in lightweight alloy to minimize unsprung weight.

The GT 63 S is nothing short of gorgeous inside, leather-lined and radiating quality like a Louis Vuitton steamer trunk. Most important, of course, are those two rear seats—and I’m happy to report they’re plenty roomy. An available Executive Rear Seat Package includes a center console with touchscreen infotainment and climate controls, wireless mobile-phone charging, and even a temperature-controlled cupholder. The package also allows the rear seats to fold forward, increasing trunk space.

Up front, the GT 63 S features two huge 12.3-inch color displays with a choice of three modes: Classic, Sport, and Supersport—which adds additional performance info and, most helpfully when shifting manually via the aluminum wheel paddles, a large shift light that blinks red when you’re approaching the rev limit. The steering wheel is a superb, flat-bottom three-spoke design. It also sports “display buttons” that are actually tiny touchscreens capable of displaying various icons depending on the function being used. Without removing either hand from the steering wheel, the driver can control everything from the infotainment system to the preferred driving mode. And if you feel like channeling your inner Lewis Hamilton, every GT 4-Door comes standard with an AMG Track Pace package that, when driving on a race circuit, displays more than 80 pieces of data, from g loads to 0-to-60-mph times. In addition, the system can record lap and sector times, allow drivers to analyze their driving performance back in the pits.

On the road, the GT 63 S is refined and impressively quiet, with almost no discernable wind noise. Even in Sport mode, the ride remains fluid and comfortable, never turning harsh when the pavement is broken. As you’d expect given the 664 pound-feet on tap, the car surges away from stoplights and up steep hills effortlessly, the nine-speed transmission slicing-up the torque into seamlessly distributed chunks. Information is well-displayed and easy to read, though the interface can still be awkward to use (the central touchpad is overly touchy and difficult to navigate, especially on the move). If you like hanging out in nightclubs, you’ll love the glowing band of colored lighting that winds its way across the doors and dash.

It’s on the track, though, that the GT 63 S really shows its mettle. Lapping the 3.4-mile, 20-turn COTA circuit—home to the Formula 1 United States Grand Prix—I started out in Sport+ mode, following in line behind German racer (and winner of the 2018 24 Hours of Nürburgring) Jan Seyffarth, who wasted no time getting up to speed. For a leather-lined, luxuriously appointed Gran Turismo, the 63 S runs damn well. Acceleration is fierce albeit completely composed, the 4Matic+ system putting the power down seamlessly. At the end of the 0.62-mile back straight, the 63 S was closing-in on 160 mph; fortunately, the brakes are huge, ventilated and perforated composite discs with 6-piston fixed calipers in front. At no point during our lapping session did they even hint of fade.

AMG had not yet finalized curb-weight figures at the press preview, but it’s safe to say the GT 63 S is no featherweight—despite extensive use of aluminum and carbon fiber in the mostly steel structure. Yet it bites hard into turns, with little understeer, and displays impressive composure during transient maneuvers (especially welcome when you’re flying through COTA’s high-speed esses). Steering feel is excellent, nicely weighted and delivering useful cornering-load feedback. For one lap I switched into Race mode and, appropriately, the 63 S seemed to loosen-up, the tail definitely becoming more lively and steering feel seeming to quicken. I could still feel the stability system stepping in, though, if I was too heavy on the throttle exiting a turn.

Pricing is still to come, but figure a base sticker of around $150,000 for the well-outfitted GT 63 S. That puts it roughly on par with the Panamera Turbo and slightly above the rear-drive Maserati Quattroporte GTS. So it’s pricey, yes, but this new AMG does everything well: it’s comfortable, beautifully attired, loaded with every imaginable amenity, built like a bank safe, and fast enough to nip at the heels of just about any sports car you can name. Now, go choose three lucky friends.

[robertkstone]

2019 Porsche 911 Carrera T First Drive Review

Even among enthusiasts, confusion about the new Porsche 911 Carrera T continues to roil.

Let’s cut right to the heart of it: It’s got nothing to do with the underpowered stripper touring model from 1968, nor does it have anything to do with the 911 Turbo (though it does have two turbos). Here’s the thing: Porsche wanted to name it “Clubsport” after its spiritual predecessor, the 1987 911 Carrera 3.2 Clubsport, but BMW owns the trademark on that name these days. “T” is what they had left. They say it stands for “Touring,” but only if you use the autocrosser’s definition of touring.

Frame it in the context of the limited edition 3.2 Clubsport, though, and it makes a lot more sense. Unlike the original T, which was a base model with a much less powerful engine, the new T follows the Clubsport playbook to the letter. Less weight, sport suspension, manual transmission, mechanical limited-slip differential, and no increase in power. (PDK and rear steering are optional. The former is discouraged.)

Its mission is to be the best-driving street 911, which requires its own explanation. Although all Porsches are track-ready according to the company, only GT models developed by the motorsports division are considered track-prepped. You can absolutely track the 911 T, but what you really ought to do is what we did: drive the best parts of the Rallye Monte Carlo route.

On exceedingly narrow mountain roads with many times more curved miles than straight ones, you don’t for a minute pine for the extra 50 hp of a Carrera S and certainly not the 130 extra horsepower of a GT3. I’m extra certain about that last part because we also had a new GT3 Touring (aka rear wing delete) on hand, and it was more often than not too much car for the road.

That’s the beauty of the 911 T. On your favorite back road, you can use every inch of the car. You can absolutely whale on it, burn through the tires, and punish the brakes for all they’re worth without automatically putting yourself and your car at grievous risk of harm. Not too much or too little, the 911 T has just the right amount of power to feel like you’re getting everything the car can give you.

As our favorite roads, and incidentally our test route, tend to be in the mountains, there’s quite a bit to be said for the turbos on the latest Carreras. With their rear engines, 911s put down power exceptionally well, and the low- to midrange torque the turbos afford you allows the 911 T to leap off hairpin corners even at high altitude. A shorter final-drive ratio exclusive to manual transmission Ts makes the powertrain even more responsive.

More than just making the best of its power, the 911 T is about limits: finding them, testing them, exceeding them, and dancing on the edge of them. They’re more than high enough to have a ball on public roads but low enough that exceeding them leaves you room to recover. A GT3 on roads like these has limits so high by the time you’ve found them, it won’t end well.

Porsche 911 GT3 Touring leading a 911 T

The degree of precision and control Porsche has dialed into the T with just a sport suspension package, limited-slip diff, and rear steering is legitimately impressive. It’s as if it was set up from the factory for autocrossing. The car feels alive, desperate to tackle a turn the minute you set off. Every crack of the downsized steering wheel is met immediately with an aggressive tack into the corner, every routine maneuver an invitation to turn your commute into a race. The only thing this car wants is to be driven hard by someone who enjoys driving for driving’s sake.

Porsche will tell you some of this is thanks to weight savings, but take it with a grain of salt. Thinner rear glass and nylon straps for interior door handles do indeed save weight, but not much. Opting for the $5,200 carbon-fiber bucket seats will save weight, too (partly by removing the rear seats), but not a large amount. The best thing you can do to keep weight down is the same thing you can do to keep the price down: don’t add features. Sure, you can tart it up with adaptive cruise control, heated and cooled leather seats, a premium stereo, and more, but at that point you might as well just get a 911 GTS.

No, what makes the 911 T special is its lack of conveniences. It’s an enthusiast’s blend of semi-exclusive performance features at a price you can’t match playing with base Carrera build sheets. Even the carbon-ceramic brake option is up for debate. Unfortunately, unlike with some previous stripped-out Porsches, things like the stereo and A/C aren’t. On the former, the U.S. regulation requiring all cars to have reverse cameras beginning in 2018 prevents Porsche from ditching the infotainment system like they do in Europe, and if it’s there, you gotta keep the speakers, too, so it works. For the latter, Porsche simply decided an A/C delete was a bridge too far for a car nominally named “Touring.”

The good news is that none of that really matters. The T drives like a GTS for 20 grand less, which is to say it drives brilliantly. More so because the GTS has tricks such as Porsche Active Suspension Management, Porsche Dynamic Chassis Control, and Sport Chrono with adjustable drive modes. The T does it all natural. That’s really saying something; six months ago when I reviewed the GTS, I wrote, “If you want a properly sporty 911 with all the performance goodies and none of the coddling luxury bobbles, the GTS is the way to go (and it’s hardly a stripper, either).” The T has taken it a step further, stripping out the remaining luxuries of the GTS and just giving you the pure performance stripper we enthusiasts are always telling automakers we want.

Also while reviewing the GTS, I noted the shifter on the seven-speed manual could be a bit better, more like the one on the GT3. The T gets a shortened shifter, and Porsche has taken time to refine it a bit in the process. The gates are still close together, but I found myself missing many fewer shifts despite using the shifter a lot more. The shorter final drive ratio also had the welcome effect of shortening the gears, making you use the shifter more often, and that’s always a good thing. We buy manuals because we enjoy shifting them, after all.

Climbing behind the wheel, you won’t think the T is more raw just because I said so, either. The thinner rear glass and loss of some sound deadening provided by the now-absent rear seats (provided you upgrade to the bucket seats, which you should) will make you look over your shoulder to make sure a window isn’t cracked open a bit. The steering is quick and more talkative than the GTS’ through the smaller steering wheel. The damping is one size fits all, and it stands on a middle ground between a full GT3 and an actual grand touring model like the standard Carrera. The bucket seats don’t recline, but they’re comfortable on a long drive. They’re leather and Alcantara, but the standard seats are cloth with leather trim—aside from the steering wheel, dash cover, and center console, the only bit of leather that comes standard on the car (which is basically nothing for a Porsche that offers optional leather-wrapped vent slats).

2019 Porsche 911 GT3 Touring

Here’s the kicker: Because it had recently snowed on the Col de Turini, our car wasn’t equipped with its standard Pirelli P Zero summer tires. Rather, it was riding on Sottozero winter tires. The road was clear but cold and still wet in some places, so it was a wise decision, but you already know winter tires don’t grip like summers. Braking performance was most notably diminished, and understeer was more likely. The T left all these favorable impressions despite the handicap.

All of this is provided, of course, you show some restraint. Porsche will happily load the T up with leather-wrapped vents and power heated and cooled seats and adaptive cruise control and on and on if you’re willing to pay for it. If you want all that, just get a GTS. It’s already a great balance of performance and luxury. The 911 Carrera T is the performance-parts-only stripper we enthusiasts claim we want, but it only delivers the magic if you let it. Yeah, $103,150 is a ton of money for a “stripper,” but if you’ve got it and you’re serious about buying the best-driving no-frills street 911 you can, there’s no better choice.

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