#everyone else is part time and extremely overtime

[date-everything-has-taken-over]

Hi hi hiii I wasnwondering if u could do a fic thing where reader is basically dating most dateables n one day they (the reader) basically ends up feeling extremely sick from not taling care of theirself properly, running around to fix stuff, starting a new part-time job, going out with new friends. Could some of the characters included be dorian, eddie & volt, hector and whoever else? Pls and thank uu!!

Gonna add Barry and Betty because I think they'd fit in very well with this case (And they're my babygirls)

Dorian🚪

● One of the first to notice something was off

●After losing your job at Valdivian, you had gotten two part-time jobs to make up for it, and it was beginning to take its toll

●He was the kne to see you before you walked through the front Dorian. Before you would take a deep breath and put on your best, "everything's okay" face

●He'd try his best to convince you to give yourself a break and get some well needed rest, but you kept reassuring him you'd be fine

●Well, he was right. After one too many overtime shifts combined with coming home to help everyone with their problems resulting in many sleepless nights, you come home and practically collapsed in the front hallway

●"Right, that's it. You're taking a couple days off work and resting"

●Unfortunately, he's still the front door, so he can't take you to bed himself, but bedroom Dorian will take things from there

●If you thought he was like a bouncer before, you haven't seen anything yet.

●A dateable wants to see you. "Are you on the list?" "What do you need with them?" "You're not gonna cause a fuss are ya?"

●He even contemplates moving the hanks downstairs. Sure, they're usually in your room, but they're so loud. He gives them a stern warning (which scares them just a bit) and let's them stay

●He makes sure the house is safe and that your room is the pinical of peace

●"Autherized personal only" Dorian blocks anyone trying to get in, but especially the more rowdy members of the house

●"Darling, you never believe what I heard about Hoove!" Scandalabra tries yelling through Dorian, which was followed by a suspicious thud (I'm sure it's nothing to worry abt)

●Until he sees you're 100% better, Dorian doesn't let you out of his sight (not that he does that anyway). Going to the kitchen for chicken soup? He's got an eye on you just in case

●When you actually do recover, he's making sure you don't get yourself in the same issue and makes you promise not to push yourself

●"It's not just my job to keep you safe from the outside world, love." He holds you close to him, enveloping you in a warm hug. "I will always be there to keep you safe from all danger"

●Even after you're better and going back to work, he's checking on you every chance he gets, reminding you to eat and sleep at a reasonable time

●He may not woo with words as much as other dateables, but he shows how much he loves you every day by being a safe and reliable presence for you

Eddie & Volt⚡️

●Work was short-staffed, and with it being busy season, you were picking up extra shifts almost every day

● They know overworked when they see it, so when you show up to the club, noticeably tired, they clock you right away

●Volt takes a seat next to you, placing his lips on the side of you head

"You know we're always happy to see you, live wire-"

Eddie cuts him off

"-But you look dead tired, go to bed"

● Volt chuckles, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you onto his lap

"Our live wire doesn't need to leave to rest, do they?" He brings you closer. "You can relax right here, live wire"

●After that night, Eddie stopped letting you help out around the club

"Don't worry about it, alright? You look like you're about to fall over anyway"

●Eddie acts tough, but he's checking on you and bringing you water every time you visit the Breaker Box after work

●When everything catches up to you and you actually do end up getting sick enough to take a couple of days off work while stuck in bed, they're both worried (and a little pissed)

●They've seen you running around the house helping everyone, fixing things around the house, settling arguments between other members of the house so they have a pretty good idea of how you ended up like this

●They check on you every day to make sure you're doing alright

●If you're not awake when they come by, you'll wake up to find a glass of water, Nyquill, and a note

'Rest well, live wire -E&V

●After a couple of days of bedrest, you return to the club, and they're happy to see you doing well

●They've both accepted you're too nice to say no to helping everyone in the house, so how do they remedy this?

●By practically keeping you hostage in the club for the next couple of days (Can't get exhausted again if they just keep you at the Breaker Box)

●Eddie still refuses to let you help out even if you insist

"And you get on me for not taking a break," he sets a glass in front of you. "Little hypocritical, don't ya think?"

●He places a gentle kiss on the top of your head, keeping close for a moment before going to the back to do maintenance

●They may be busy running the club, but never too busy for you, and they make sure to remind you

Hector💨

●Also, very quick to notice

●He was very worried when he noticed how much slower you seemed lately

●Asks how you're doing multiple times a day. Never believes you when you say you're fine but he doesn't wanna push it and upset you

●Fully panics when he sees you collapse after walking through front Dorian

●The temperature spikes for a moment until he calms down

●He doesn't leave your side for a moment

●Takes extra care to keep the temperature at a comfortable level for you

●You don't even have to say anything. Ate you pulling the blanket closer to you? Heat up. Are you kicking away the sheets? Air on.

●He so badly wants to be there with you. To hold you and comfort you. But he's still terrified to leave the vents

●He's slightly soothed knowing Betty is taking very good care of you (but also kinda jealous)

●In the middle of the night, when he's sure everyone is asleep, he sits beside your bed, watching as your breath rises and falls

● He brushes your hair aside, admiring your beautiful face (even though it's sick and sweaty, he doesn't care)

●Before leaving, he gives your forehead a kiss. "Feel better soon, my love."

● If someone tried disturbing you or kept you awake, he'd turn the heat up in the room they're in to be petty

●When you're well enough to get out of bed, he's overcome with both joy and anxiety

●Joy because you're well enough to see him in the attic now. He can hold you again (and you can watch him turn bright red as you kiss his face)

● But anxious because, what if this happens again? What if the human keeps pushing themselves? What if it's WORSE next time?!

●He begs you to slow down and not push yourself too hard. To give yourself more free time and rest more often

●The look he gives you is like a kicked puppy, and you just can't help but hold him close and promise to take care of yourself better

●He clings to you for a bit before you leave the attic to go to bed "Rest well, my love."

● When you finally go back to work, he anxiously waits for your return, watching Timmy just a little too closely

●When you finally return, he observes your every move to see if you look tired or overwhelmed

●If not, good. But if you look any kind of distressed, he's whisking you away to the attic to cuddle, then practically dragging you to bed at the end of the day

●You're honestly a little surprised since he's normally not this bold face-to-face

●Even long after recovery, it becomes a new routine. If you come home tired, he's attaching himself to you koala style

Barry💄

● Well, technically, he noticed pretty quickly when he'd see you so exhausted every morning, buuuuut then he forgot and would notice all over again each morning

●Feels terrible when you come home sick and remain bedridden for days

●He's almost too nervous to visit you, scared you'd be mad at him

●"Are you feeling alright, darling?" He peeks into your room, "Anything I can do to help?"

●When you tell him you'd just like to hear his voice and that you love it when he goes on little rants about whatever he's obsessed with at the moment, his whole face turns red

●"Oh! W-well, that's, um, very n-nice, darling." He laughs nervously. He takes a moment to compose himself. "I 'm-I'm glad you enjoy hearing me talk. I'm happy to keep you company, darling."

●Since you're stuck in bed with nothing to do, Baeey is happy to keep you company while you recover

● He'll talk about just about anything that interests him at the time. Makeup, toucans, history, lions, movies. He's also happy to listen if you have anything to yap about

● If you're not able to shower, he'll brush your hair so it doesn't get too knotted while you're sick, taking care to be extra gentle.

●It's so soothing you send up falling asleep. He brings the covers over your body and turns the lights off, letting you sleep peacefully

●Before leaving, he leans down to kiss your cheek "Goodnight, darling."

● You may or may not have woken up with a lipstick smudge on your cheek, but you certainly didn't mind

●When you're feeling better, Barry helps you through your post-sick self-care routine. Warm bath, skin care, hair care

●Helps you with your bath so you don't fall asleep, definitely not because he wants to rub your soapy body noooo definitely not

Betty🛌

●She noticed right away. You've barely been sleeping and even when you do, you toss and turn all night.

●She tries to get you to come to bed early, but you're busy helping around the house. Then she tried getting you to sleep in, but you got called into work early.

●This repeated a couple of times until you stumbled into your room and fell onto her.

●She's happy to be able to spend so much time with you, but she wishes it weren't under such conditions.

●She holds you close, your head just under her chin and your face against her chest (awooga). She's somehow the perfect temperature for when you're cold or overheating.

●She'll gently stroke your head and hum softly until you fall asleep.

● When you wake up, she looks down at you and brings a hand to your cheek. "Good morning, lover." She presses a gentle kiss on your forehead. "I'm afraid I can't let you go anywhere until I'm sure you're better." Her gentle voice makes it seem like a joke, but you know she's serious.

● You wouldn't have thought to leave anyway, you could barely move, and your whole body felt achy but more importly Betty was just so damn sweet and comfortable.

●Ngl it's mostly sleeping and cuddleng with you and occasanaly getting food

●When you finally felt better, she convinced you to take an extra rest day with her "just in case"

Sorry, Betty's is so short! I couldn't think of much for her

[betternamenot2come]

Accurate portrayal of my assistant department manager and me, the most overworked part time clerk, trying to hold together our bakery department by shoestrings while everyone is either a) sick with Covid b) had a heart attack and is in the hospital or c) on fucking vacation for the second time in two months (*cough* my dumbass manager *cough*)

In other news I might get full time soon. It’s only been four years (five in January) since I asked.

[gay-dorito-dust]

hey, i really enjoyed reading your angst drabbles and i was thinking if you could write something like Viktor neglecting reader and all her attempts to be close to him again, and when she decides to give up on him, she almost die in the council room explosion, after he stood her up again, leaving her in some state of coma. then he regret everything, after all she should’ve been with him…

sorry if i made some mistakes, english is not my first language but im trying my best! 🫶🏻

Ah yes, more angst *laughs maniacally in several cups of coffee and severe need to make ppl cry* also your English is perfect, no need to apologise sweetie. Also! This is extremely long cuz I got carried away. Hope you enjoy tho! 🫶🫶

You adored Viktor greatly, for to you there was not a man who could match his brilliance and his resilience, his determination to see everything that he’s put his whole heart and soul into this hextech project through. Everything about him was enticing to you from his dream to better the lives of others, the twinkle in his amber eyes when he had made a scientific breakthrough, not to mention the way he became more animated and eager to talk as he spoke about it; he sounded more alive then ever before which you loved for him.

However what once brought you happiness would eventually become your downfall for as of recent memories as tensions between Piltover and Zaun heightened to a dangerous degree, Viktor had more or less had secluded himself to the lab from the early hours of the morning, rarely to come out for anything or anyone. Gone were the days where you’d see him in the hallways of the academy, blessing you with his beautiful smile as his amber eyes only seemed to glow within your presence in familiarity, offering a short greeting in passing but the recognition of your existence by him was more then a full length conversation with him would have given you.

He left your peripheral vision with nothing to remind you of moment, nothing but a flutter within your chest that’s warm and suffocating as the same time. Now you were left disappointed to ever think that you could recapture that moment again, such like a love sick individual who was detached from all forms of reality that didn’t have him in it. Times were changing and not for the better, for everyone was on edge with what was to come and the tension was so thick you could cut into it with a knife and anticipation hung heavy over everyone, dreadfully awaiting an attack with baited breath and clenched fists in an attempt of bravery in the face of adversity.

Gone were the brief glimpses you’d get of him from the corner of your eyes, leaving you to believe whether or not you did in fact see him or just someone who wore similar clothing. You’d sometimes catch him in the act of waving at you when he was in a hurry or -when he had time to spare- even making himself welcome to the unoccupied seat besides you in the library, looking over your mountain of books with a raised brow and sarcasm upon his lips.

‘You planning to read them all in one go or?’ He’d say, making you scoff as a smile blossomed across your face as you looked into his eyes, finding that they were already on you.

‘Yeah because that’s a completely plausible thing for a person with a simple mind could accomplish.’ You replied with your own form of sarcasm as your smile widens at the sound of his laugh, gladly to have made such a heavenly sound emerge from his mouth. You two would remain in those same seats until it was time to part ways once again, bidding each other farewells as the days drew to a close and you’d leave for home when Viktor would stay overtime in his lab.

Now you don’t see him at all. Your head would perk up at the sound your mind has made you believe was the soft love tap of a cane against wooded floor, only to have your heart clench and mind belittling you when it wasn’t anywhere near Viktor coming into the library but someone else entirely. You were left with a table littered with books and an empty seat besides you, now cold and devoid of the man who’d always sit there and let his thoughts flow freely and bluntly out of his mouth, and yet you’d much prefer that over the deafening silence that greeted you for the past months as the realisation of how cold and miserable you were without Viktor to make your day complete.

You use to frequent the lab more so then your own office just to see Viktor in the past. So much so that Viktor had left a spare chair by his workbench for you to sit on, letting you linger as he worked and never uttering a single word as you were too entranced by the ways his fingers moved and how his facial expressions fluidly moved from one another, it almost like they were telling a silent story of his emotions of his successes and failures within the project. From the highs and lows, the triumphs of learning something new, to the challenges that left dark bags under his eyes from all the late nighters he’s been pulling to at least achieve something in the midst of all the chaos.

Now the warmth that once filled you as you entered the lab felt cold, like you were intruding on something you shouldn’t have. Your once place of refuge had become a place you didn’t recognise as you immediately noticed the lack of the chair you once sat on, it’s location wasn’t a concern of yours more so than the ache within your heart at the seemingly small act. However for such an act as small as removing a spare chair from a workbench you felt as though this was a sign that your presence was no longer a welcomed one; you had become a distraction and in the worse kind to Viktor, and thus your chair had been taken away, signifying that those warm days of human connection had long since overstayed it’s welcome.

‘Viktor?’ You called out but not once did he show signs of recognition towards your voice nor bothered to look up from his work that meant so much to him nowadays. You didn’t know which hurt more, the lack of response or the idea that you were nowhere as dear to his heart as he was to yours at all, however you still smiled through the ache within your chest in hopes that it was just a delayed response on his part.

Nothing. Viktor didn’t even make an attempt to speak to you and just continued being hunched over his workbench with no intention on stopping, acting as though you were merely just a breeze that passed him by and not a human being he was once close to, begging him to acknowledge you and acknowledge the history between the two of you.

‘How long have you been cooped up in here like a little hermit.’ You tried to attempt a joke that only felt awkward and painful when the Viktor didn’t make a sarcastic quip back towards you. He left you in silence once again as you felt your hope slowly start to die within your chest and your smile began to fade from your lips as your resolve began to waver. You swallows thickly as you tired not to let this get to you and instead believe that he couldn’t hear you, and so you walked closer to him until you rested a hand upon his shoulder, making him stop working for a moment before going back to what he was doing soon after.

‘How long has it been since you slept, eaten anything, or just get some fresh air?’ You asked with concern towards his health and how it seemed that he was driving himself down into the ground for academic validation for his work. ‘Why don’t you take a break and take some time away from-‘

‘Not everyone has the luxury of time on their hands.’ Viktor cuts you off but not in the way you’d hope. His words cut through you, making you flinch away from him from the bitter tone that came from him as though he burnt you. ‘They need help now and I won’t allow any further distractions to hinder me from doing so.’ He adds and it obviously felt very pointed towards you as if you were the problem he now faced and you couldn’t help but get a little upset over this.

‘And kill yourself in the process? Who’s going to help them when you’re dead Viktor because it’s sure as hell not me!’ You bit back as you moved back towards the door, finding no point in standing by his side if he was so willing to discard you like you were nothing in the pursuits of science. ‘I’m not going to stand here and watch you lose yourself to your work, I won’t do it.’ You add with certainty but it’s Viktor’s next words that really hurt you despite the softness of his voice, now was sharp as ice and just as piercing.

‘Then don’t bother darkening my door any longer than you already have.’

You stiffened up at this as you felt your heart tore itself in half at the unnecessary hostility thrown towards you as the rift between the two of you had finally made itself known in this moment. The closeness you once shared with Viktor was now an illusion you fell for so willingly, all with the hopes that something more would come from it one day, much like the hopeless romantic that you truly were. However in this moment it was revealed that none of that mattered to him, not as much as it did to you and just as you were about to leave the lab, you looked over at his back and said;

‘Goodbye Viktor. I promise to never be an inconvenience to you ever again since that’s what you wish for.’ And without needing to hear him, you walked out of the lab, shutting the door behind you as you walked down the hall as silent tears fell from your cheeks as you kissed goodbye the one good thing you had left to keep your head above water; however without it you could feel yourself slipping beneath the waves that had threatened to crash over you for a long, long time as you had lost your anchor and you have the angry to care what happens to you.

…

Everything that happened in a matter of seconds. Too fast for anyone to notice what was going on before it was too late and a wave of pain greeted you as you blacked out.

The council was attacked and all signs pointed towards Zaun as the perpetrators.

Viktor was lucky enough to have somehow miraculously survive with the help of the hexcore but you on the other hand were left in a coma from the explosion. All Viktor knew when he came through in his new body was the news that you had could’ve died had you been just a tiny bit closer to bear the brunt of the unforeseen attack. The doctors were overlooking your possibilities of awaking from the coma, they claim that chances of that happening were slim but they believed that you were strong enough to pull through it, not that any of this mattered to Viktor as for all he was aware was that even if you did awake he’d be the last person you wanted to ever see.

He was told that upon being rescued from the rubble you looked like you had already died with the amounts of deep gashes that littered across your face, he got told that you didn’t even look like you were breathing at all, but you looked oddly at peace with the outcome of such a tragedy; as though you were silently suffering inside your own head for a long time and this was you gladly accepting the fate bestowed upon you.

Viktor didn’t know what hurt more, the fact that you could’ve died, or the idea that you were more then willing to have died in the attack then wake in a reality where he had all but pushed you aside. He couldn’t blame you for not wanting anything to do with him anymore, not after trying so hard to get through to him in the past, only for him to retaliate with words that you didn’t deserve. You had every right to never allow him into your life ever again, Viktor didn’t feel he was deserving of a second chance with you, especially not after something as traumatic as almost dying.

Now upon retrospect it would’ve been morbidly poetic had he did die in the attack, his hand reaching towards your own but never truly touching, a reminder that he had severed that connection with you the moment more was demanded of him and of hextech; A once beloved and respected connection that’ll never mend for the damage was already done due to his own hubris.

You deserved more then him and Viktor knew this painfully well enough to continue to drive the wedge between the two of you, all in hopes that you too would see that you were better off in search of something new with someone else, and yet he couldn’t help but cling onto you for himself so selfishly as though he wasn’t the one who caused you pain in favour of staying within the lab to his own devices. Viktor knew he was being ridiculous and he would only be hurting you in the process with his indecision of whether to keep you close by his side, or as far away from him as possible.

Yet everything within him told him to at least visit you, just to be certain that you would be strong enough to emerge from the coma, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that despite how much he wished to see you recover much like you had been bedside for him when his health declined sharply. Viktor remembered the day clear as day as the concern within your eyes shone, and the grip you had on his hand tightened every so often with every inhale and exhale, you didn’t say a single word but you didn’t half to as viktor has taught himself to read you better then most. It was clear that you were afraid but didn’t have the heart to speak up on it, and now he was face with a similar situation.

You were the ache in his heart that he couldn’t be rid of, no matter how much change his body went through, not that he wanted to either and Viktor knew he was the ache within your heart. You two pained each other with your absences, comforted each other’s overthinking minds and gave each other the company you so needed. You needed each other but didn’t at the same time, it was a never ending game with yourself and Viktor as you didn’t know whether to get close to one another or keep the distance between you and pretend that you’re both not hurting when you were.

However Viktor may regret the words he had spoken to you, it doesn’t change fate in the slightest, he was with his commune in the Undercity and you were still in that coma you should’ve awoken from weeks ago. Yet now and then Viktor would find himself looking to his side where he would normally feel you, only to see nothing but thin air and close his eyes as he took a deep breath to compose himself. He regrets everything he said to you but they wouldn’t change the hurt you were both suffering from, Viktor wanted you by his side in that moment but knew he’s better off wishing for that in another life, a life where he chose you.

Now he’ll get to know how sweet that life would be like and the ache within the remains of his heart hurt just that little more, for you, the ache within his him that he couldn’t get rid of but needed all the same to remind himself that he was still the Viktor you once loved.

[chrystal-ink]

Shadow X GN Reader

Close to you

Based off of this head cannon post. you and Shadow cuddle for the first time. Warnings: An Extreme amount of fluff, so much it almost rivals Shadow's chest.

Being in stasis for fifty years does something to you, ever since he woke up Shadow had known nothing but cold. it was in the air, in his lungs, everywhere. Biting, stinging at him, unable to fight it. How could he?

He tried hot beverages, jackets, blankets. Not even the finest sheets could fill the empty space Shadow felt.

Overtime he got used to it, he barley felt the sting anymore. the empty space screaming at him now reduced to white noise. he had grown numb to the cold, accepting it as a part of his life. just another thing separating him from everyone else.

that was until one day, you changed everything.

It started out as an accident. a small brush against his arm as you were passing by, the sensation barley lasted a second but for the first time he felt relief the biting cold dissipating for a brief moment.

"Oh, sorry Shadow."

"It's okay Y/N. Just be more careful next time."

"Sure thing, See ya"

"yah, Bye"

That night Shadow laid in bed stroking the small area you touched, unable to sleep.

"How did they do that?" he thought to himself. he couldn't make sense of it, he tried everything to get rid of the cold he felt, and in one fleeting second you had managed to fight it off for him.

A few months later, you did it again.

It was your second date and shadow was walking you home. the streets were empty except for the two of you the stars guiding the two of you to your destination.

"The stars are beautiful tonight" you commented

"It's a lot different looking up at them then being amongst them."

"What was that like?"

"The constellations were un recognizable me and Maria used to make up our own."

"sounds like fun"

"It was enjoyable although, I don't think the other scientists would agree"

you giggled as you turned your attention to the sky. the stars twinkled above you illuminating the night.

mindlessly your hand had drifted against his knuckle's barley touching.

the small moment sent a wave of warmth through his hand, but before he could even comprehend the feeling you took his hand in yours and held it.

You didn't let go and if he was being honest with himself he didn't want you to let go. somehow even through your gloves you had managed to break through the chill.

for the last few blocks shadow had gotten a taste of relief, but nothing could have prepared him for what would come the next time the two of you made contact.

The two of you had been official for the better part of a month. Shadow was over at your apartment watching a movie with you. the two of you sitting side by side, not uncomfortable but a little stiff to the outside viewer.

Shadow's attention was fully on the screen, the plot was a little cheesy for his taste but you had claimed it as your favorite movie so he was determined to complete it. he had been successful so far, that was until he felt a weight on his shoulder.

Turning he saw that you had placed your head on his shoulder using him to keep you upright.

normally with this kind of contact Shadow would have been resistant, shoving whomever off of him. but with you, things were different. not only did he accept your touch, he wanted more.

His arm moved on it's own wrapping itself around you bring you in closer. you happily accepted his guidance laying your head on his chest, not yet brave enough to burry your face in the chest fluff though.

you wrapped your arms around his middle holding him in a sweet embrace.

Shadows breath hitched, the sensations coming to him all at once. He felt your warmth cutting through the cold that had been so present. he felt your tight squeeze around him fighting off the emptiness he felt around him.

Colors grew brighter, a strange lightness fell upon him. For the first time in years Shadow had felt relief. Relief from the cold that had plagued him for the past fifty years, relief from the numbness he felt every day since he woke up.

He felt you nuzzle into him, sending another wave of warmth throughout him. he heard a faint purr escape your chest. he smiled wrapping you tighter in his arms. he didn't want this to end.

Then he felt it, a small vibration in his chest that reverberated through his whole body. He was confused until he heard it he was purring. He wasn't even aware he could until now. it was completely involuntary, but not unwelcome.

The two of you held onto each other, purring in tandem until the credits ended.

"so what did you think?" you asked softly.

"I loved it." He Responded. "Can we do this every week?"

[starkenobi]

JAMAISVU | matt murdock x reader

masterlist — warnings: soulmates; hanahaki; angst with no happy ending.

Summary: Like it or not, every choice has a consequence. And no matter how much Matt Murdock and Y/N tried not to acknowledge its existence, the connection of the red thread was there all along.

The wedding took place on a spring day, with flowers decorating every corner of the hall and matching the huge garden of the house. But, despite the festive atmosphere illuminated by the sun, there was something tragic about the whole situation. The forced smile that didn't reach the groom's eyes and the pale face of the bride as the maid of honor (the groom's best friend) ended the toasting session right after the best man.

I just wish you two a lot of happiness because your happiness warms my heart, Matthew Murdock.

Matt and Y/N have always been very close, a friendship so strong and in such harmonious harmony that it was hard to imagine the two of them being apart for long. Until Elektra, an old and turbulent romance, returns on a stormy night, and from that moment on, absolutely everything changed.

Matt's focus became on helping Elektra, the two of them getting even closer than when they were dating. It all happened very quickly. What at first was just helping solve a case, suddenly became wedding planning.

To the surprise of many, Y/N kept supporting Matt - even becoming a bridesmaid alongside Foggy - and taking part in the organization of the big event. Ignoring Frank's silent looks, denying Karen's offers so she wouldn't be alone, smiling when Clint tried to talk about the subject, even laughing when Natasha tried to corner her to find out how she was really doing. The answer was always the same: Matt being happy made her equally happy.

However, the reality was very sad, no one seemed to understand the extent of the seriousness and Matt knew how to pretend that everything was fine. Not even Y/N seemed to notice at first, but the signs were right there. The month that was supposed to be for the honeymoon and for the couple to take advantage of getting closer was canceled halfway through. Elektra was getting sicker and Matt started working overtime to pay the hospital bills.

It didn't take long for the pretense to be exposed, and the truth came out that Elektra had found her soulmate but that it hadn't had the positive results she had hoped for. Her soulmate was in a relationship with someone else and had no interest in forming a romantic bond or maintaining contact. The worst part about finding your soulmate is creating expectations and plans, but not preparing or accepting when the opposite happens.

Of course, the group of friends pretended not to hear the newlywed couple's argument; no one dared to give their opinion on the irresponsibility of the two in making a hasty decision. What would be the point other than making everyone even sadder and more worried? Y/N made a point of donating her time to help pay the bills, even if it was for food or medicine. She made sure to make sure Matt was eating right, getting enough sleep, and always offering a hug as a form of comfort.

Until, after a few months of marriage, the worst happened: on a sunny Sunday morning, Elektra was found dead in her hospital room. The bedroom floor was covered in red-stained white lily petals, and on the bed was a destroyed bouquet of striped carnations, purple hyacinths, and white tulips with a crumpled card that said 'I'm so sorry'.

Matt was devastated. It was extremely difficult to get him out of the hospital. Foggy and Karen took care of Elektra's funeral in his place. While Y/N chose to stay with Matt. They didn't talk much. Matt was immersed in grief and guilt, repeating that he hadn't kept his promise to help Elektra as he should have. After the funeral, things didn't seem to get any better; on the contrary, Matt seemed to lose himself even more in his grief.

Y/N's attempts to reconnect with Matt were increasingly unsuccessful. No matter the moment or the affection, the result was the same: Matt would remain silent, an empty expression contradicting his pain-filled eyes, and then he would withdraw and lock himself in the room.

Until Y/N finally understood the reason, and in the worst way. Foggy, Karen and Frank had just left, after a dinner at Matt's house. Everything seemed calm after a night with friends, until Matt took a deep breath and coughed hard, as if he had choked on something. Bringing his hand to his lips, he coughed for several minutes, a strong pain in his chest making him almost fall to his knees on the floor, if it weren't for Y/N holding him by the waist. When the coughing fit finally passed, Y/N noticed his lips dirty with pollen and blood... And a single lily petal in the palm of his hand.

Like a switch, things between Y/N and Matt changed even more drastically. He started to avoid her completely. It didn't matter how many times she invited him to share a meal, called or sent him a message.

In fact, after a few days, she discovered that Matt had blocked her on all social networks and on his cell phone. Attempts to visit him were also frustrated, the lock was changed and both Froggy and Karen were forbidden from letting her into the office. Y/N was no longer welcome.

Their friends noticed the change, however, no matter how much they asked and tried to understand Matt's reason for making such a decision... He just ignored it. All that was left was for them to split up, they knew there was a connection between the two of them, but if Matt didn't want it anymore, they needed to support Y/N.

What they failed to notice, even with her warning, was the speed at which the disease was taking over Matt. Y/N began to prepare for the worst, created a shock plan, she would face him and find out why she was removed at such a difficult time. However, life had its own way of playing with fate.

"Miss L/N? This is Metro-General Hospital, you are registered as Matthew Murdock's first emergency contact. He arrived unconscious and was taken to emergency surgery due to the advanced stage of hanahaki. Please, we request your presence here."

Maybe, if they had talked, if Matt had been honest about what he felt and Y/N were more obvious, things could have happened differently. Matt wouldn't have gotten sick, wouldn't have pushed himself to the limit, and gotten sick during work. He wouldn't have had to undergo surgery because his respiratory system had been compromised by lilies.

And Y/N wouldn't have gotten on the bike even with an anxiety attack, wouldn't have forgotten to tell her friends because she was nervous, would have paid more attention to the traffic and wouldn't have gotten into an accident. However, the possibility of things being different was almost zero. At some point, the disaster would happen. They both lost the opportunity that life had given them. And that's how everything changed definitively.

"Karen, who gave me that book?" Matt murmured, frowning thoughtfully.

Karen, who was packing one of the moving boxes, turned to see what exactly the other was talking about, her eyes widening automatically. She stood up quickly and went to her friend, taking the personalized book from the other's hand, the card written in braille 'To my favorite lawyer. From: Y/N L/N' previously stuck to the cover falling to the floor. "Hm, it was Y/N."

"That name is not strange to me." Matt tilted his head, Karen felt as if he was looking into her soul. "Did she fight with our group? I don't think it was a client, you speak of her fondly even though you try to keep me from hearing."

Karen stared at him for a moment in silence, her eyes shining with a sad look. "She's just not here anymore, Matt."

"From the way you talk, she seemed like a good person... I wish I could remember it too." Matt finally commented, a sad smile taking over his face, but he soon went back to taking the books out of the box and putting them on the shelf.

It was a lie to take the weight off his friends' shoulders, who seemed full of fears and fear of hurting him. A big lie. Because the memories were all full of Y/N. He remembered, even though he missed some details. The surgery was only to remove the disease and the seed that caused it. It didn't matter if he moved to another apartment, the work routine, and his friends tried to avoid talking about Y/N.

Matt lived with sweet memories mixed with melancholy, what could have been a maybe became a never. It was all his fault. Guilty for once again putting the obligation to help others above his own feelings. He took it for granted that she would always be by his side and that everything was fine with the way they acted towards each other. He wasted time making mistakes that he had made after meeting Elektra again and lost the chance to be honest by diving into the feeling of guilt. So when he felt a small twinge in his chest again and coughed with a taste of pollen... It was a comforting feeling.

Flowers Meaning:

lily: innocence, pure love.

striped carnation: regret, unrequited love.

purple hyacinth: sadness, forgiveness and regret.

white tulip: forgiveness.

comments, likes and reblogs are welcome and appreciated! thank you for reading and supporting my writing 💜

[snowfires]

What would happen if one of them accidentally injured reader after getting into a relationship with her?

Ooo. Definitely lots of hurt/comfort if this happened from all of the boys.

Killer accidentally hurts you no matter how many years you’ve been in a relationship. It’s the unfortunate reality of having a soul filled with LV and stage 4. While experience would help you learn to get to his soul before he slices you up with a knife (and the other boys would certainly help restrain him), accidents still happen from time to time.

Killer’s always as doting as he was in chapter 5, cleaning your wounds and giving you healing items, tucking you into bed and staying to ensure you don’t hurt during the night.

What Killer hates, however, is that you don’t ever blame him for it. You fill his soul with that intoxicating affection and then follow him around for days to keep him happy.

Overtime, he would start to hate himself for it. The others don’t hurt you this often. They don’t need you to exhaust your magic just to get control of their emotions. You’re his mate, his wife, his other half and he can’t even prevent himself from hurting you! Killer doesn’t get insecure often, but it starts to eat away at him. Is he your worst lover?

One time he would hide himself away after it happened, going off to some distant AU and refusing to answer calls. When you find him, he’s curled up in some woods with at least a dozen random cats that he’s picked up. You lean your head against his and remind him that you always knew this would be part of dating him, and you aren’t angry with him. If it bothered you, you would’ve cut him off when you first met.

What you are annoyed about is that he now wants to add another twelve cats to the fifty+ ones he already owns.

Cross would be most unlikely to accidentally injure you. His LV is much lower than the others, so he doesn’t suffer from LV rushes, and he’s extremely disciplined during combat. His swords and magic attacks always land where he aims them. Once you’re in a relationship with Nightmare, you’re his Queen. He takes his role guarding you very seriously.

So if he were to injure you, it would likely be because you changed positions unexpectedly during a fight. In the moment he sought to protect you, he grazes you with his sword—harming the one he swore to defend at the cost of his life.

The way you cry out, eyes momentarily filled with betrayal, shatters him. He teleports you both out of the situation, calls Nightmare to pick you up, and brings you home cradled in his arms. He’s tearing up the whole time you’re being fixed up by Horror, sobbing when Error comes to give you stitches, and hiding his face in his hoodie when you look up across the room at him.

“It’s okay Cross,” you whisper, but he doesn’t believe it. If he’s not perfect at protecting you, then what good is he? Why would Nightmare allow him anywhere near you? He destroyed his entire family, his world, and now he’s destroying you… what if you don’t love—

“Cross.” You open your arms and he falls into them, apologizing over and over. You stroke his head, hushing him. It was frightening, but you know your sweet soldier would never do that purposefully.

While you’re recovering, Cross tends to you with absolute devotion, not leaving your side for a second.

The beginning of Dust’s relationship with you was wrought with violence. It’s in the past, but never forgotten. He notices how you flinch away sometimes on his bad days. He knows he’s not allowed to roughhouse with you the way he does with everyone else.

When he accidentally hurts you again during a LV rush, he’s terrified you’ll get rid of him. The way you scream, the scent of your magic flooding the air as you try to defend yourself… it’s the first time the relentless urge to KILL has just… stopped. But the damage is done.

You won’t let him touch you, or carry him home. Horror says it’s better he stays out of the infirmary. Cross refuses to eat at the table with him.

Dust assumes your relationship is over.

A few days later, however, he’s brought into the infirmary by Horror. You stare at him from your place nestled among soft blankets Error has prepared from you, and slowly ask if he meant it. Dust says he didn’t, and turns to leave. What more is there to say? Look at you. He did that to you. He doesn’t deserve to be your lover anymore.

Horror hauls Dust to your bedside, dumping him next to you. To his surprise, you reach out a hand to take his. When he realizes you’re forgiving him, he curls against your side, murmuring quiet apologies. He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness, and he’s terrified it might happen again… but you want him, and you deserve everything you want.

Horror most likely would hurt you indirectly. There are times he forgets where he is or that the famine is long behind him, wandering the castle grounds and setting up traps. If you went off the usual path, deep into the woods to forage together, there’s a high likelihood you stumble into one of those traps.

It’s not terrible—a few deep cuts on your ankle, nothing Error can’t stitch up. You know Horror doesn’t mean to set these things up. Really, they need to make a better system of dismantling them.

But Horror feels sick, especially considering you are exactly the prey he set those traps for. He hangs around the infirmary, bringing you your favourite flowers and sweets and special meals only for you. You keep telling him that he doesn’t need to look so upset; you’re alright, and you’re not mad at him. It’s not even that bad! Still, he feels better taking care of you.

Error doesn’t go around using weapons or killing specific people. He deliberately destroys AUs. Though sometimes he does it slowly—corrupting the code piece by piece to avoid Ink noticing and causing a fuss.

The important thing is, there’s absolutely no way he’d hurt his wife like the others.

At least Error thinks that, until one day he’s messing around with you, hoisting you up in his strings to get a view from a large tree in an AU you went to together. Some animal ends up crawling along his leg, and he glitches out from the sudden contact. But the strings glitch too—into you. They should have stayed wrapped around your arm, but they cut into the skin, drawing blood.

Error immediately starts fixing you up, grabbing monster food from an AU and stitching you back together. He hadn’t meant to harm you. He didn’t even know that could happen.

He spends the next few days reappearing in your room in the castle with offerings, including extra soft bandages sown by hand and new movies and games to play together.

Nightmare is neither human nor monster. He possesses power far beyond what is normal—it is the reason many call him a god. At his heart, however, he’s a romantic. Tales of soulmates and lovers who would sacrifice anything for each other fascinated him from the time he was child. He believes one should treat their lover with the utmost reverence; doubly so for his Queen.

Hurting you was never something Nightmare wanted to happen—but in the midst of a fight, when his focus is split between many opponents, you lift your bow to the sky, sunlight reflecting off the notched arrow… and for a moment, he thinks Dream is there.

Nightmare’s tentacles lash out by instinct, picking you up and tossing you across the battlefield. He sends Killer after you, but Killer can shortcut—he lands without any pain. And when Killer looks down, it’s not Dream lying there but you, arms limp and a thin trail of blood dribbling from where you hit your head on a rock. The wound isn’t fatal, but could have been.

It’s the first true fight Nightmare and Killer have had in decades—Nightmare wants to rush you home and care for you, but Killer won’t let him anywhere near you. How can he trust Nightmare won’t freak out on you and hurt you again right now?

Once Killer gets you home and has Error help him tend to you, he relaxes around Nightmare. Killer knows he didn’t mean it.

Nightmare comes to you in the dead of night, wrapping a soft blanket around Killer—who is fast asleep in a chair in the corner—before running a tentacle through your hair. You stir, and he feels your fear, and your worry.

He apologizes profusely, speaking near-poetry into your ears of his reverence for you, and what a grave mistake he has made. Nightmare is incredibly ashamed—he believes it was unforgivable, what he did to you, yet he still wants you to forgive him. He wants to remain at your side.

Naturally, you do forgive him, though you insist he gets you a new bow—one in a colour starkly different from Dream’s.

[decepti-thots]

Only if it's fun for you, but: what are Autobot meetings about understaffing like. Who is aiming weapons at who about We're A Family Here We Just All Have To Do Our Part

this would be continuity dependent but we both know idw1 so let's do that. 'high command' is an extremely ill-defined concept in that continuity, so for simplicity's sake i am assuming that prominent g1 characters are mostly assumed, by virtue of Main Character Energy, to be command in some way.

mirage is a rich motherfucker whose bios have all historically been like "this snobby little shit" and to me, that has BIG "never been anything less than a manager of employees" energy. he definitely thinks "we're all a family so pull together, i had three zoom meetings today" is a progressive, friendly approach. he stayed late last night! on mute in a very boring meeting! this is the exact same thing, probably!

magnus canonically gives lectures on labour rights to swerve unprompted and i think he is a rare case of a by-the-book uptight asshole whose idea of "by the book" includes things like "unpaid overtime is Illegal" and "studies show that adequate breaks improve efficiency by 84%". he should by all rights also be an annoying rich asshole, however unlike everyone else he really is the sort of person who memorized the employee handbook, and if you tried to argue that "we're like a family, not a workplace!" he would in fact take personal offence. how dare you. this is a place of work and there are rules. mirage if you let your agents do unlogged overtime again he's throwing you in the brig. he does also time bathroom breaks though, jesus christ dude. he sits in the middle.

jazz used to run a union. and it would not actually be possible to start one up in the mess that is the autobot army, but the implicit threat that if someone as highly respected by the troops as he is ever tried he could bring everything to a standstill in the middle of a Literal Fucking War means that all he ever has to do when things get too bad is make an offhand, not-quite-joking comment and optimus is like "okay okay everyone calm down" immediately.

prowl will call his agents at 2am and if you try and object he literally ignores you and just keeps talking.

[davekat-sucks]

Bro vs Eridan in terms of being an awful person is tricky considering Bro was being possessed by Cal and Eridan was a 13 year who had to do Feferi dirty work his entire life so her Lusus wouldn't destroy everything. I genuinely think Bro had no choice in anything he did considering his note to Dave was something Caliborn came up with. Eridans case is a bit more complex given the circumstances of his planet, none of those things he did were ok to do but either feed the monster or have everything destroyed. He's the whole reason the trolls were alive in the first place. Considering he had to risk his life everyday for everyone else, him attempting to join Jack isn't out of the ordinary for dangerous stuff he encounters. Yea he's douchey and destroying the matriorb was dick move, but everyone on the meteor lost their minds and had or attempted to kill someone. Tavros tried and Kanaya sawed 2 people in half.

I am also on the side that Bro was possessed or mind controlled to some degree. But the fandom sees things like his strife battle with Dave as more serious because the other ones are played for laughs. Forgetting John would strike is father with a hammer and Rose threatened to commit suicide in front of her Mom. Jade's case is sadder when you remember that when Jade played with the double pistols, Tavros had used Bec to redirect the bullet to kill Grandpa English. She indirectly killed her guardian and wouldn't realize it until later on in the game. Bro's last act would be attempting to fight Jack Noir before dying. So does that mean people think Jack Noir is a HERO for killing the abuser? They forget that DAVESPRITE was present too when they both went after Jack. Bro had no reason to do anything to someone that's a brother from a different timeline. And yet, he was able to let Davesprite run away to safety and fought Jack on his own before dying.

But nobody in this nu-fandom remembers this or thinks hard about that last moment. They only care about his past actions and think it is played for straight abuse. It only applies to him and cannot be applied to other characters unless it's part of a gender arc for a character to transition. It's true Eridan would hunt lusus to help feed Feferi's. Even he admits it can be tiring to figure out when it is the proper time to hunt or not. Hinting that they can't overfeed or underfeed Gl'bgolyb. But you also can't deny he was also doing it to get closer to Feferi and be in a closer relationship with her. Which is why people label him as an incel and people flanderize that to the extreme which gave us Cronus. Then there's the line about him saying he killed marine life accidental.

If it's not sarcasm or poor flirting, it could also mean Eridan had unintentionally killed a lusus and gave it to Feferi to help feed another lusus to try and justify what he is doing is good. And overtime, he gradually accepted it and continued. Getting close to his crush Feferi would also tie in too. You know what they say about psychopaths, first sign is them killing animals. Sure the animals were parents for a troll, but they are still ANIMALS. Kanaya, Karkat, and Terezi accepted that Eridan was a piece of shit and want him to stay dead. Even if he was the reason said trolls are still around, they would never want to bring him back because of his horrid actions on the meteor. As we see when Karkat ended their friendship and Terezi talking with Vriska on who to revive back, Eridan doesn't deserve to be revived. And no mention of Equius, as being the Void player..

Nepeta may have felt Eridan had died, but it's unknown if she knew about Eridan wanting to join Jack. She wasn't even present with Aradia and others in the Vriskagram after becoming a ghost to meet up with him. Though we have yet to see Terezi and Vriska act on that promise on reviving said trolls. The reason they haven't because Terezi found out that Gamzee was trapped in the same fridge as her corpsed friends and didn't want to see him. Maybe the dead trolls will come back for Homestuck Beyond Canon, but that's just wishful thinking with how dead Nepeta jokes are still around and they only brought ghost Eridan in Epilogues for a 'redemption arc.

Eridan got what he deserved and died for his actions. But does he deserve to get brought back? How long should the punishment of his death last? To the cast and narrative, he can never be brought back to relevancy. The other reason the fandom likes Eridan recently is because of Pesterquest putting through the gender arc. Saying his seahorse dad was abusive that didn't acknowledge his gender, despite it's never shown in the webcomic he was this. And because of that, people instantly love him and ignore his past actions and stance on hemospectrum. All for the sake of making the March Eridan meme less transphobic. Nu-fans don't give a shit that he was racist, killed animals and Feferi, destroyed the Matriorb, and had killed Kanaya. All it matters is his label. Yes he is a racist asshole, but he's a NON-BINARY racist asshole. Both Bro and Eridan had done horrible things in the past. But one got more heat over the other. As one got love and attention because of a non-canon moment in a side game, despite people had hated him for those past actions. It's sort of insane about the priorities we have going on in this fandom.

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

That feeling when you feel like you have to keep an eye open around people who call themselves "leftist", yet a number of their media takes frankly sound dangerously like they'd be supportive of extremely authoritarian or outright genocidal mindsets just because the bad guy "had a point". Like, I understand that people's morality shouldn't be judged based on their takes of media, and that media doesn't inherently inform every aspect of a person's moral system, but good lord does some of these things just makes me feel...unsettled at times.

Takes like "The Jedi deserved to be genocided because Dooku/Sidious were right about how flawed and corrupt they actually are" (ignoring how much propaganda those two are spewing and the sheer amount of corruption from the REPUBLIC around them, and how much Jedi philosophy isn't based on Christianity and fundamentally opposes everything they just said, and no Anakin isn't a good indicator of that corruption because he's a terrible person, patsy, and propagator for the space fascists). Or how the genocide of Mantle was good because Ironwood was "thinking about the bigger picture". This speaks for itself.

Or people who favor Thanos' "kill half the universe because overpopulation", ignoring how Malthusian (I think that's his name?) philosophy ignored how much technology and means of gaining resources would change overtime to accommodate for increased numbers, and that overpopulation has rarely been an actual issue because the lack of resources almost always comes from rich billionaires and corporations hoarding resources at the expense of everyone else, not the poor people trying to make a living.

Or Senator Armstrong's "social darwinist utopia" being a good thing, never mind that social darwinism is a fucking stupid thing that's never worked, or only favors those who already have massive advantages (ie, the people Armstrong knows are part of the problem), while screwing over the little guy. Also his gall of acting like war makes people strong while having never served IN a war, and saying this to a FORMER CHILD SOLDIER who know how hellish and evil war actually is.

Like, maybe you need to take a harder look at your beliefs if you keep on siding with the villains just because they have one or two good points mired in openly fascistic rhetoric.

"Genocide is bad actually" should not be the fucking hot take you'd think it is, but for some people, the only purpose of social justice is figuring out who is acceptable to hurt and how to hurt them in the worst way possible while still feeling righteous about it.

[galazy-101]

Was going through some of my old drawings and found this old skeleton oc of mine that I kinda never figured out nor finished what I had in store for them. I thought posting them to see if you guys would like me to use them as well and possibly have them interact with Atmos in post's.

Their name is Fusha, and I can't seem to find the fount that I based her off of as it was similar to wing dings but wasn't and I don't think it had a an official name either, it had like numbers and letters as its search name if, and that the first character was a "F" hence why her name is Fusha. But yeah, tell me if you guys want me to finish her up and have her interact with you guys here.

Edit: Fusha from what I remember was my true first official try at making an Undertale oc for me instead of just small doodles of Sans, Papyrus, Undyne, Gaster and all the others. I had made her with the intention of a story that was around not to long after Frisk broke the barrier of the underground and that all monster kind lived on the surface now amongst humans peaceful, that Frisk would somehow convince either Asgore or Toriel to show where possible the old monster town was if it was somehow still around, and of course it is and Frisk dose convince them and the main gang goes for a simple sight seeing trip. They get there and start exploring the place with them talking about certain things about the place and how things would have worked within the town, only for Frisk to start exploring an area that had been even longer forgotten within the ancient monster town and starts to find stuff that not even Asgore and Toriel knew about and the group starts exploring that part to soon end up somewhere in a very more ancient part of the town. Basically they find a hidden part that seemed to be hidden overtime that it was completely forgotten about and lost in monster kinds history really. After they find it and start exploring it, they start hearing noises from some random part of the place, and from the sounds, they can definitely confirm that someone was there with them and of course Frisk being the Determined child that they are, they go running after them with everyone else running after the human. After some time of running after the mysterious cloaked person, Undyne is the one who tackles them down somehow without hurting them, but Undyne tackles them and manages to hold them down or something as they start trying to basically have Fusha confess on why they here but doesn't work because Fusha doesn't speak the human or modern world language and can only speak in very specific fount, so she remains silent, it isn't until Frisk points out something I'm not sure exactly what as I can't fully remember, but something that if I'm correct Undyne tells Papyrus to pull down her hood and he does which leaves everyone in complete shock, especially the two skeleton bros as they find out that she isn't a human and is a boss monster, more specifically a skeleton that somehow is a boss monster, of some sort, which no one has ever heard of a skeleton being a boss monster so this was more shocking information and find out that she's been there an extremely long time. I can't remember what else I had planned for here, but that was my base plan before I kinda forgot about her. BUT if you guys want, I can try to write or comic draw her story if you all are truly interested in seeing what I tried to have going for her.

[dolliswurld]

Am I holding onto middle school regret ? Or highschool angst ?

Recently, my therapist asked me why I refuse to tell people that they suck the energy out of me. Why do I constantly forgo setting boundaries with my friends and family? Well as much as I want to say I have no idea, a little part of me knows where it started. I told her that I have never had an actual genuine friendship without having to compromise my own integrity while also bowing and shutting up to make sure I am appeasing my overlords (my "friends"). From a young age I learned that I will ALWAYS been seen as some form of a bad guy in my life. I am not a bad person, but like all humans I can be morally gray. But that isnt what I experience, I dont get in trouble for doing something wrong, I get in trouble for being a black woman. I am not able to be happy and bubbly because I am darkskin and I am not allowed to be good at anything because I am supposed to be a steorotype.

I have had teachers tell me that I am bullying my bullies, that I take abuse and blow it up. For a while I had to even defend my right to vent, I had to defend myself for seeking advice and community while everyone bitched to me about how I am so wrong. I have had people I trusted betray me by going along with masses.

But I suppose thats life?

It hurts to feel othered, to feel like your consistently being misunderstood. Ill tell you a story, so you can maybe understand me and maybe understand why I refuse to set boundaries, maybe this will give me some insight.

I met this person who we will call Dirty for now, as much as I hate this person I wont put their name out there. Dirty and I started off trying to be in a friends with benefits kind of way, but during that time, I knew what I wanted and it wasnt them. They honestly were a terrible person, someone so deeply insecure that they would lash out and rage whenever they perceived you as "being disrespectful". Now I have been insecure before and my philosophy is to help your neighbor, I cant do the work for you but I sure can be a shoulder to cry on. They took advantage of this.

I am the first to admit I am a broke college student who couldnt keep a job, and I told them this constantly but they insisted on paying for me, "because thats what friends do." It was kinda a insecurity at the time for me considering that I had just come out of a friendship where I was being put down for being broke, and I absolutely hated it ! In October I decided I wanted to go out and have fun, my "bestfriend" was being weird and I didnt want to think about him or his bullshit ever again, so I made my own plans as a means to seperate myself from him. I called Dirty and they also had a friend who wanted to come to the city and party. We shall call this friend Bug. Bug and I shared the same sign and got along fine, she seemed to really adore me.

But Bug--like Dirty--was extremely weird around my girlfriend. They both constantly sexualized her, shes a stud (a masc presenting black woman), shes 6' and very beautiful. She told them this made her uncomfortable, but they never stopped. Instead they tried to make it seem like they were just trying to be her very good friend. Bug would buy her expensive gifts , like weed and pokemon plushies and pretend to be interested in her life. Bug wanted to fuck my girlfriend and Dirty wanted to be loved like I was.

Dirty wanted to be feminine, but they werent tapped into that side of them. Their partner seemed disinterested in them, and I think seeing me and my girlfriend be happy and in actual love made them jealous. I dont want to toot my own horn but neither of them were prettier than me, hell they both looked run down from life. I took pride in my appearance, I still do! I worked hard to lose the weight, learn how to do makeup and keep up with myself in order to maintain my looks. I dont do it for anyone else but myself and thats what they never got.

They were extremely jealous and overtime they let their insecurities take over, I was being watched and then judged by people who wanted parts of me they couldnt have. A joke I would make would turn into a think piece on how I am so terrible--even though the same joke would get a laugh from other people. Their favorite thing to do was ignore me until I started talking about my girlfriend, and keep me trapped like a prisoner on boring facetime calls.

It all came to ahead when I tried to plan a group trip to my home country. I was excited to share this part of my culture with them, Dirty-- as always --seemed disinterested. Bug seemed excited and I tried to get everyone just as hyped. Dirty, instead of telling me that they didnt want to go, chose to me bitchy and nasty instead.

I called them out on this, we had before established a relationship where they told me about myself, so I thought that we had that kind of relationship. They told me when I was doing too much so I could tell them the same ? Specifically I told them they were being bitchy and bratty and if they didnt want to go thats totally fine but the least they could do is not be mean. All hell broke fucking lose. They literally sat there antagonizing me, calling me out my name and saying I was so childish, (their favorite thing to say to me because Im two years younger than their old ass), and they kept bring up my financial situation.

Mind you, I didnt say anything comparable. All I said while I was being accosted was that no one wanted to go to fucking texas for spring break and that they were doing too much, while they were telling me that I shouldnt even be talking cause I am not putting money in. They told me I wanted to run the trip when all I was doing was giving out suggestions. No one, not even my girlfriend was on my side. Bug kept telling me I was wrong because I called them bitchy and bratty but never told Dirty how what they said was even worse. My girlfriend just went along with the crowd, which in my head was the ultimate betrayal.

All of this was so unnecessary. After that, as I always do, I stayed friends with them but kept my distance. They didnt like my boundaries and continuously disrespected them. I voiced this and they just kept talking behind my back, and testing my boundaries. I just got sick of it after a while. Finally Dirty's partner (DP because theyre so irrelevant that they dont deserve a alias) decided to send my girlfriend this long paragraph about how childish we are(I hate this argument, you bitches arent that old and wise and have the thought process of a tiktok comment section.) I completely blew up and cut them all off.

This is all to say that I honestly hate how I pick friends, I hate how people pick and choose who they want to favor and how thats never me. I'm not evil and I try my best to be good to everyone but still I am made to feel like I am the worse.

Honestly, Im so confused. I hate being so confused and it makes me over critique myself. I dont know.

Thats all- A very confused Yodibear.

[bleach-boyz]

Chapter 5: Haggard

prev. // next

In late 2002, Jackass: The Movie was released to monumental success, and the whole cast became full-blown celebrities. Audiences loved it, and its popularity led to each cast and crew member getting lots of recognition and a huge check. This was the first time you felt not only creatively satisfied but financially satisfied by a project you worked on. The entire experience truly felt like a gift. 

As a member of the crew, you were able to go to all the promotional events and parties the cast were invited to, which meant you got to meet and party with countless famous people. 

The partying had definitely been taken to the next level in terms of how fucked up everyone would get. You’d occasionally take part in some pills or other drugs that were offered to you, but mainly you stuck to just drinking. You definitely couldn’t keep up with Steve-O or Pontius for very long at a Hollywood party, but you’d stay on pace with people like Ryan or Knoxville. 

Truly, your lives had never been more crazy, but with Bam, there was always another project to work on. Even while you were working on Jackass, he’d been insisting you still pump out new CKY films, the fourth of which was released only a month after the Jackass movie. He was an extremely ambitious force, which you admired, but it meant there was rarely a break from the chaotic lifestyle you’d all adopted. 

Earlier in 2002, while Jackass: The Movie and CKY 4 were in post-production, waiting to be released, Bam had come to you with his idea for the movie Haggard, which he’d started writing recently. He wanted you to work closely with Joe Frantz, basically just being another assistant director like you were for the Jackass movie. You agreed, but there was one aspect that made you hesitant to be involved. 

The film was about Ryan Dunn’s relationships. 

After your dramatic acceptance of your feelings towards Ryan that night in Tokyo, you had been avoiding spending too much alone time with him for your own sanity. Although his breakup had actually stuck this time, he definitely still needed space to figure himself out and move past it all. You hoped that’s what Haggard would do: let him release all his frustration and finally walk away. 

Still, you two continued to be around each other constantly with all these projects you were working on, and Ryan kept confiding in you with his feelings about the breakup when he could get you alone. He still looked to you as his friend and someone to lean on, and even though the platonic nature of your relationship pained you, you couldn’t deny him what he needed. 

You’d resolved for your feelings to remain unrequited, at least till the end of shooting for Haggard. It was borderline masochistic on your end, but you felt a responsibility to your friends and coworkers to make sure there was no interpersonal drama or complication. You’ll reassess whether or not it’s time to say something once the film is done. 

Filming in West Chester for Haggard was a bit complicated sometimes. The director and star of the film were now super famous and in high demand, and Bam, in particular, was always having to fly out at the last minute for random appearances and projects. The constant stopping and starting was annoying to you since you were the one having to make the shooting schedule. You had a late June release date in 2003, so you were working overtime to plan everything out. Really, all you could do was make sure you filmed as much as possible when everyone was in town. 

There were some particular scenes that you weren’t looking forward to filming—those being between Ryan and his new love interest, “Heather”. For obvious reasons, helping direct and film your crush being intimate with someone else would be difficult for you, and you were especially insecure about it because Jenn had asked a really attractive friend of hers to play the role. 

Jenn actually found out about your crush on Ryan during a drunken confession one night when you two were out alone. You’d sworn her to secrecy, and as far as you knew, she hadn’t told Bam. She would often encourage you to make a move or tell him your feelings, but you insisted that it wait. 

The only other person who knew about your feelings for Ryan besides Jenn was Dico. You hadn’t intended on telling him either, but after living with someone for so many years, you’re able to pick up on subtle changes to their usual behavior. He’d noticed the way you avoided taking smoke breaks with Ryan as often and how you’d make sure when you all went to bars or restaurants you weren’t ever sitting next to him. At first, Dico thought something had happened to make you dislike Ryan, but after an interrogation, you just decided to tell him. You also swore him to secrecy, and although it didn’t seem like it had gotten out yet, neither Jenn nor Dico were historically good at keeping anything quiet for too long. You were anxiously awaiting the day Bam or Raab would bring your crush up publicly to embarrass you. 

The first night you were scheduled to shoot with Ryan’s love interest “Heather”, you were shooting in a local bar that had agreed to let you film for an hour. All you really needed was some b-roll of the two being lovey-dovey to establish the budding romance. 

-

"Well, where the fuck is she?” Bam asks Jenn as she comes inside after calling her friend. We are all set up to film, but the girl who’s supposed to play Heather is nowhere to be seen. 

“She’s not coming.” Jenn says. 

“What do you mean she’s not coming? Why not?” Bam asks, annoyed. You can tell he’s starting to get a bit cranky, like he usually does at the end of a long day of shooting. Jenn rolls her eyes. 

“I don’t know what to tell you. She said her boyfriend got skeeved out at the last second about her making out with some random guy, and he won’t let her do it.” Jenn says, and you furrow your eyebrows. 

“Well, what are we gonna do? Frantz and I are getting on a plane tomorrow to shoot the HIM video, and we only have the bar today for like 45 more minutes.” Bam states. 

“We’ll just get someone else here to do it.” Jenn says and looks over at you suggestively. Bam notices this, and your eyes widen. No way did she mean you. This had to be a joke.

“You don’t have any other hot friends who could get here quick?” Bam asks Jenn.

“Not quick enough. Also, most of them already said no when I was asking around for someone to play the part in the first place.” Jenn responds, and Bam pouts and grabs the shooting schedule for the rest of the month from Joe. This is supposed to be the last month of filming, and every day Bam is going to be in town, we have something else lined up. 

“It would be best to find a way to do it now. It was already a bitch getting the owner to allow us this time today; we’d have to find another day he’s okay with, and I doubt he’d give us a time that would fit into our current schedule. We’d have to rearrange things, and we’re already running behind given our release date.” Joe explains. Bam sighs grumpily. 

“This is the best option; it’ll be great.” Jenn says, smiling at you. You suddenly remember what the conversation is about, and you start sweating and shaking your head. 

“Well, alright, fine.” Bam says as he scans you up and down. “You’ll need a different shirt, but I guess it’ll work. Jenn, you two switch shirts.” He says. You look down at your shirt, which is an oversized WaWa t-shirt. Bam would have to blur out a logo like that in post. 

“Wait! I don’t know if this is such a good idea." You finally get some words of objection out. You aren’t an actor! And there's no way you’ll be able to keep your cool playing Ryan’s love interest. 

“I don’t want you to do it either, but do you see any other chicks here?” Bam asks, and you look around. Nothing but dudes. Fuck. 

“Can I talk to you in the bathroom?” You ask Jenn and grab her arm before she can answer. You two walk through the bathroom door, and you cross your arms. 

“What the hell was that?” You ask, and Jenn throws her arms up in defense. 

“What?” 

“Your friend doesn’t even have a boyfriend.” You say, and Jenn smirks. 

“Yeah, but I thought I’d help you out with your little crush.” She says. 

“How is this gonna help me?” You ask, rubbing your face with your hands. 

“Well, you two can finally kiss and be intimate, which is what YOU want. And Ryan will totally be into it and realize how horny he is for you, and if he’s not lame, he’ll ask you out or whatever.” She explains. 

“That’s very optimistic... Also, we’re shooting a movie; none of it will be genuine.” You say. 

“Who cares?”

“I don’t know Jenn,” you start, and then hear a pounding at the door. 

"Cmon, we’re running out of time!” Bam yells from the other side. 

“Look, if you really don’t wanna do it, then you can go tell everyone out there I lied, but I think you should just get over it and see what happens.” Jenn says.  

You sigh. You know that, feelings for Ryan aside, you are the only option if you all want to keep this film on schedule. That commitment and responsibility would have been enough to make you agree without thinking, had your scene partner been anyone else. That fact that it’s Ryan, though, makes you incredibly nervous and hesitant. You are mainly afraid you’ll somehow, through acting, reveal your true feelings and embarrass yourself. However, you’d be lying if you said there wasn’t anything exciting about the situation. Jenn is right; you do desperately want to kiss and be intimate with him, and you are compelled to just take what you can get, regardless of how “real” it will be. 

Knowing you need to make a decision, you finally cave and take your top off. “Give me your shirt.” 

When you two walk out of the bathroom, you spot Ryan wearing an eyepatch and sitting on a bar stool at a small table in the back of the bar. You could only reserve the back section for shooting, so there are a few random customers milling about, mostly paying no mind to the camera.

You feel very self-conscious, as already a few men are eyeing you. Jenn is smaller than you, so her black top fits you very tightly. Additionally, it’s pretty low-cut, leaving you showing off more cleavage than you usually do in public. You haven’t been exceedingly insecure about your body since high school, but you still feel most comfortable in oversized t-shirts and sweaters. A lot of the time, you get jealous looking at women like Jenn, who wear a lot more feminine and fitted clothing, because you don’t think you have the confidence and body to pull off wearing anything similar. Right now, this self-consciousness is only exacerbating your feelings of anxiety over the entire situation. You cross your arms in front of your chest and nervously walk over to where Ryan is sitting. When you arrive, he looks up at you and smiles. 

“Are you okay with me filling in?” You ask, making sure he isn’t uncomfortable with the idea. 

“Oh yeah, it’s chill; I don’t mind.” He says. 

You sigh, relieved, and drop your arms as Bam heads over to you.  

“I should make you two switch shirts more often.” He says, and you roll your eyes and maybe catch Ryan checking you out in the process. That gives you the tiniest boost of confidence, and you sit down on the stool across from Ryan. You take a sip of the beer that has been sitting on the table. 

“Just tell me what I have to do again.” You say, feigning annoyance when really all you can feel is unease. 

“All I need is like a few minutes of footage of you two being flirty and talking and kissing or whatever. I’ll speed it up in post and throw a song over it, so it doesn’t really matter what you say. You just need to seem into each other. Try not to look awkward.” He says and directs that last part to you. 

“I’ll do my best.” You say sarcastically and look over at Ryan. His face is unreadable. 

Bam walks back behind the camera, and the two of you are left staring at each other. You want to say something—maybe crack a joke to diffuse the tension—but you can’t. 

“I hope this isn’t too weird for you.” He finally says, and you take a deep breath. 

"Well, is it weird for you?” 

Before he can answer you, Bam calls action. 

It’s not quiet, due to the commotion happening in the other parts of the bar, but all of that feels incredibly distant. You somehow manage to keep your eyes on Ryan, lean in, and put your elbows down on the table to prop your head up with your hands. 

Ryan takes this as his sign to move closer, and you feel his legs intertwine with yours under the table. He lights a cigarette. 

“I don’t know what to say," Ryan says as he takes a puff. 

“Me neither.” You say and observe Ryan’s body language. He is leaning in, but his speech and his face make him seem a bit timid now. He’s nervous, maybe. He is playing with his cigarette in his hand, and you can feel his leg shaking under the table. He doesn’t look uncomfortable necessarily; he's just a little lost on what to do and antsy. This display diminishes a lot of the intimidation you were feeling, and you realize that you need to take the lead. 

You lean forward even more and grab Ryan’s free hand with yours. He looks down at this and then back up at you. 

“Just be normal. Act like I’m a girl you really like.” You say, trying to focus him in for the sake of footage but also pining for his attention. You two had never really been in a position like this, and you’d spent the last few months so needy for his touch that you don’t care if your friends are watching and filming you now. You want him badly. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Joe bring another camera over to film from a different angle. You look at him for a second before Ryan lets go of your hand and grabs your chin to focus your eyes back towards him. You feel your face burning up; you’re wearing makeup today, though, so hopefully the redness doesn’t show. 

Ryan tucks a piece of your hair behind your ear and offers you the cigarette he’s smoking. You try to keep your hand steady as you grab it and take a puff, never letting your eyes leave Ryan. You hand it back to him, and his other hand goes back to holding yours. You look down and think about how big his hands are compared to yours. 

“What are you thinking about?” Ryan asks, and you look back up at him. His energy shifted entirely after what you said, and now everything about him is dripping with confidence and flirtation. You don’t know if he’s just a good actor or if there may be something real to it, but you are absolutely not in a position to complain. You decide if he’s going to turn it up, you might as well go for it too. The fact that you can hide your real feelings behind the pretense of acting drives you to take your chance and be as forward as you like. 

“Your hands are big.” You say, playing with his hand. 

“Yeah?” He says and watches you, amused. 

“Also,” you begin, eyeing him coyly, “it’s probably time for you to kiss me.” He raises his eyebrows. You have a tiny moment of regret, afraid you might have made Ryan uncomfortable, but soon after, he’s smirking and leaning in. You hold your breath and lean in too. 

It’s just a peck, but as he pulls away from you, you can’t help smiling. It was innocent and only lasted a second, but you can’t help feeling so happy. You know you may be giving yourself away, but Ryan’s face surprisingly reads just as content as yours. Before you can say anything, he’s leaning in again to give you another quick peck. When your lips touch, your heart skips a beat, and when he pulls back, you feel all giddy. 

You think you hear Ryan say “cute” under his breath before he takes another drag of his cigarette. Soon after, Bam calls cut, and you’re brought back to reality. 

“Good, now I wanna get some more footage of you guys standing up over here.” Bam points next to the pool table. 

You wait for Ryan to get up before moving yourself. You follow behind him to where Bam had pointed. You try to regain composure and not think too much about the fact that you just kissed your crush for the first time. Well, the first two times in fact. 

You and Ryan stand opposite of each other as Joe sets up the cameras. 

“Having fun?” Ryan asks you, and you let out a pained laugh. You resent the fact that he can stay so calm during this. 

“It’s alright.” You say and he grins. He’s being so cheeky, and it’s impossible to tell if he’s enjoying being intimate with you or if he’s just entertained by the whole situation. 

“Alright, ready to go.” Joe says, and soon after, Bam is calling action again. 

Ryan immediately grabs your waist and pulls your body closer to his. You feel weak over how close your bodies are and grab Ryan’s hand to steady yourself. 

Being affectionate with Ryan makes you painfully aware of how much you miss being this close to someone. All this time, you’ve been yearning for Ryan, but above that, you yearn for someone to hold you, a companion, someone who desires you as much as you desire them. Behaving like this warms you up inside. Ryan kisses you on the forehead, and you swear you’re about to melt. 

You stay close like this for only about a minute before Bam yells cut again. It takes you a little longer than last time to snap out of it and let go of Ryan. When you finally do and take a step back, you feel cold. 

"Alright, we just need to get some more interior and exterior b-roll of the bar, but you guys don’t have to be in that. We’ll meet you back over at Ryan’s for the sex scene.” Joe says, and you freeze. 

“Sex scene?!” You ask frantically. You don’t remember ever talking about that. 

“It’s not really a sex scene; we just need some footage of you guys making out for the end when we show all the couples getting together.” Joe explains, and now you remember. 

It’s one thing to do cutesy flirting and tiny kisses with Ryan; it’s another to put yourself in a compromising position and fully make out with him. When you agreed to step in and play the part earlier, it totally slipped your mind that you would not only have to film the bar scenes, you’d have to film all of them. 

“Do we really have to?” You ask for your own sake and catch Ryan raising a quizzical eyebrow at you. You realize that he’d known this whole time that he’d have to make out with you, yet hadn’t shown any concern about it.

Of course, you’ve imagined making out and even having sex with Ryan. Late at night, you’d often fantasize about different scenarios that would lead to the two of you being physically intimate. Needless to say, the situation unfolding right now is not at all similar to any of your past fantasies, and you really have no idea what to expect from Ryan. All you know is that the chances of you keeping your composure are slim to none. 

“Every romance movie needs an obligatory sex montage. Keeps the dudes interested.” Bam states. 

“This is a romance movie?” You ask. 

“Look, just drive over there; we’ll meet you.” He says, and you make eye contact with Jenn across the room. You signal for her to come with you and you make her get in your car with you.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do here, Jenn. You gotta help me.” You say as you two sit inside your car, still parked outside the bar. 

“You’re doing great; you two looked so cute.” She says as she adjusts the rear view mirror to look at herself. 

“This whole thing is so weird. It’s gonna freak him out if he finds out I actually like him.” You groan. 

"No, it won’t. I swear he looked really into you in there. And Ryan is definitely not a good enough actor to fake something like that. If anything, he’s probably gonna pop a boner when you make out later.” She jokes, and you throw your head back against the seat. 

“Jenn,” you start, and then hear someone knock on your window. The sound surprises you, and you jolt forward, only to see it was Ryan. You roll your window down. 

"Sorry, you know how to get to my apartment, right?” He asks. 

“We’ll just follow you.” Jenn responds, and Ryan nods and leaves. You roll your window back up and start your car. 

“I’m gonna be sick.” You say as your nerves travel from your chest to your stomach. 

“It’ll be hot.” Jenn says and smiles mischievously at you. 

You get back to Ryan's, and it’s just you, him, Jenn, and Ryan’s roommate Justin for a little while. 

While you wait for the others to show up, you all have a couple beers and a casual conversation. You feel awkward because all you can think about is what comes next, so you hardly say anything, just listen. Jenn tries to get up at one point, but you grab her leg and make her stay by your side. You catch Ryan eyeing you periodically, but do your best to ignore it. You have to focus all your energy on attempting to appear normal. 

When Bam and Joe finally arrive, you’re a few beers deep and feeling slightly more relaxed. As they set up the camera, Jenn comes up beside you and offers a mint. 

“Funny.” You say sarcastically but still grab one. 

“Don’t worry, I gave Ryan one too.” She laughs. 

They set up the camera in Justin’s room because Ryan sleeps on a mattress on the floor in the basement. You feel a little weird about making out on a random dude's bed while he’s in the building, but he assures you it’s fine. 

You and Ryan enter the bedroom, and it’s about as quiet and weird as you expected it to be. 

"Okay, so I guess just lay down and both of you take your shirt off." Bam starts, and your heart thumps louder than you’ve ever heard it thump before. You look over at Ryan, who is already taking his shirt off, and you slowly start to do the same. You try to tell yourself that it’s no different than going to the pool, as you are left in just a bra on your top half. You then go to lay down on the bed and watch as Ryan comes up beside you and stares down at you. You shiver and avert your eyes. 

"Alright, now I know this is kinda weird or whatever, but I just need you guys to make out for about a minute. The camera is gonna be really close to your faces, but try to ignore it; definitely don’t look at it. I’m gonna start rolling now, so just go whenever.” Bam instructs. 

You look out at Bam and Joe right up on you, and Jenn is watching from the doorway. Your breathing increases, and you feel your face warm up at how tense and uncomfortable the atmosphere is. You then feel the pressure of the bed shift as Ryan starts climbing on top of you, caging you in. 

“Are you okay?” He asks as he holds himself over top of you. 

Are you okay? Well, no, you’re not. At no point throughout this whole process have you been okay. You’ve only been able to get through so far by focusing on your feelings of responsibility and desire. You felt responsible to keep the film schedule on track, to help your friends when a problem arose, and to fix it. And you felt desire—the desire to touch Ryan, to be with him no matter the circumstance. It’s clear now, as you look at him over top of you, which of these two feelings is starting to take over again. 

Ryan’s face reads as protective and eager while he waits for your answer. You can tell he’s concerned about your comfortability in this moment, but you see an unbridled hunger in his eyes, like he could pounce any second. This look sends a surge of lust through you, and suddenly everyone else in the room falls away in your mind. 

You reach out and grab Ryan’s face, pulling him down and connecting your lips into a kiss. There’s a half-second of surprise from his end before he’s kissing back with fervor, supporting his weight with one hand, and holding your face with the other. 

You try to keep up as he takes control over the situation, forcefully slipping his tongue into your mouth. He kisses you like he needs it to live, and his passion and dominance does nothing but turn you on. 

You tangle your fingers in his hair and let one of your hands travel down his back. Ryan’s body rocks back and forth, causing your crotches to graze over each other ever so slightly. You almost whine, wanting more friction, but suppress it and kiss him back with even more neediness. 

At some point, he starts kissing your neck, and your head starts spinning. He sucks on your skin ever so slightly, and you can’t help this time from letting out a small moan. He stops what he’s doing and looks at you ardently, clearly excited by the noise you just made. You blush and just pull his head back up to keep kissing you. 

After a few more moments, you hear Bam yell cut, but it feels far away. You somehow manage to snap out of your daze and pull your lips away from Ryan, opening your eyes and seeing all the others in the room staring at you two. 

You, feeling suddenly embarrassed by how taken away you got, push Ryan off of you. He looks just as out of it and goes to sit on the end of the bed. 

“Jesus Christ you guys.” Bam says teasingly. 

“Are we good?” You ask bashfully as you sit up. 

“Yeah, good work.” He says, still poking fun at you, and you get up, put on your shirt, and leave the room. Jenn follows you out to the kitchen, and you let out a huge breath you didn’t know you were holding in. 

“That was crazy.” She says, and you shush her, afraid the others might hear. 

"Sorry, it’s just that he’s definitely into you.” Jenn whispers. 

Up until now, you wouldn’t have believed that, but what just happened in that room had you rethinking a lot of things. Ryan had come at you with such force and need that you didn’t see how it could be fake. All this time, you’ve thought your crush was hopeless and that Ryan would only ever be able to see you as his friend. Now, you weren’t sure what to think. You know that your behavior exposed your own feelings, though, and you definitely don't want to know anyone's opinion on it right now.

Ryan, Bam, and Joe walk out of the bedroom, and Ryan looks distracted. Bam and Joe seem to be laughing to each other about something, likely what just occurred. 

Part of you wants to talk to Ryan about what happened, and part of you wants to take him back into the bedroom and continue it. Your thoughts feel too scattered to be able to speak coherently, though, and you can’t shed how flustered you feel having been filmed getting so carried away in front of your friends.

“I have to go cause, uh… well, Dico and I were gonna watch a movie, and uh… yeah.” You say, quickly wave, leave the room, and head out the front door before anyone can respond. 

You silently drive yourself back to your apartment, ignoring Dico once you get there and throwing yourself down on your bed. 

You check your cell phone and see a missed call from Jenn. You grunt and toss your phone on the floor. 

What did this all mean? That’s all you could ask yourself as you lay down in the dark. 

Ryan had clearly kissed you the way you’d kiss someone you liked. You couldn’t deny that. If he did like you, though, how long had he liked you? It can’t have been too long, seeing as he’s been so hung up on his ex. Had he just realized it today, as Jenn said he would? What does he want? To fuck? To date? Nothing? There are too many questions. 

You are adult enough to know there’s no way to get an answers without talking to Ryan directly, but god, that’s so scary. There’s always the chance that his behavior was just a momentary lapse of control. That he, having not been intimate with someone in a while, got carried away, and it had nothing to do with you being you. If that were the case, bringing it up might only make things awkward. 

Regardless of what his deal is, you’re now stuck playing his love interest in the movie. Luckily, there aren’t many other scenes you have to be in, and none of them are like the ones you did today. Nevertheless, you're dreading having to meet for those scenes now that you've made yourself so transparent, and you know you'll be unable to avoid any teasing from Bam and Joe.

You roll over on your back and stare at the ceiling. Even through all this worrying, you can’t help but crack a hopeful smile. 

Because maybe this is the start of something.

---------------

Heyyyyy. It's been a second since my last chapter, so sorry about that. Things are moving hehe. Again I appreciate everyone reading, hopefully you like the way things are going. Finally gonna move into Viva La Bam era next chapter and we're gonna stay there for the rest of the story. Lmk if you wanna get tagged.

@arsonistsloth

[jad0re-g0re]

𝐒𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐚 "𝐬𝐚𝐦" 𝐀𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ۶ৎ

(Just something I found in my notes,i may have already posted these but I'm not about to spend an hour on trying to find the og on my main, so uhh enjoy)

tw:Depression, self-harm, disordered eating)

She has anisocoria, meaning her pupils are different sizes one noticeably larger than the other. Because of this, she's extremely sensitive to bright lights.

Due to being “put back together,” she has limited mobility and experiences a fuck ton of chronic pain.

Since she’s technically dead, her body doesn’t produce oxygen. The only reason she’s alive is because of the pseudo-immortality granted to proxies (and other residents), which prevents them from dying or being killed.

This is also why her body hasn’t decayed or gotten infected—though she still takes hygiene seriously.

During missions, residents are temporarily granted enhanced abilities. For that time, Sam is basically functional almost normal.

But once the mission ends and that "veil" lifts, she’s a wreck.

The nerve damage and lack of coordination come back full force. Sometimes, she needs a mobility aid, and there are days when she physically can’t walk.

Her body is constantly working overtime just to function. She's severely underweight, always cold, and only held together by Slender’s power

. Because of the cold, she’s grown more body hair to try and retain heat.

Even though she’s regained memories from her past life, she doesn’t feel like the person she used to be. It’s like watching old home videos and recognizing they’re yours, but not feeling connected to them like a robot watching someone else’s life.

This disconnection is even worse physically.

She’s painfully aware that her body parts were taken, used, and most likely abused before being stitched back together. It leaves her feeling contaminated like something rotting in her own skin.

As a human, her skin tone was a rich tan. After reanimation, it faded to something similar, but with a permanent grey tint especially noticeable in the early stages of coming back.

Eating is hell. She avoids food whenever she can, even though she still feels the pain of starvation.

Her body rejects most solid food, usually resulting in vomiting. That acid is probably toxic by now.

She sticks to liquid calories and only occasionally attempts small portions of solids.

Her skin bruises ridiculously easily. The bruises linger for months.

She experiences frequent depressive episodes. When these hit, she neglects her usual self-care routine, and her body starts to smell like rotting flesh

.As a human, her depressive episodes were intense—she’d stop eating, sleep all day, vomit, and sometimes even wet the bed. Jordan was usually the one who took care of her during those times.

In the mansion, if she breaks down or relapses, it’s usually Jane who finds her collapsed on the floor late at night. Jane, with her motherly energy, picks her up, cleans her, and lets her crash in her room for the night.

These episodes don’t last long work won’t allow them to but the aftermath is awkward.

The next morning, the house goes quiet, and everyone avoids eye contact, because they all heard her having nightmares at 3 in the morning

[jabberwockprince]

🛝 and/or 🎉 for the cast of Spina Venatores, if you're willing?

HELL YEAAA SPINA SWEEEEEEP! ty for the ask (and for making the OC questions post!! <3) I made some quick lil silly doodles so ppl can remember who is who

also putting the rest of the post under a cut to avoid clogging ppl's dashes!

🛝: What do they do in their free time, if they have any?

A general rule of thumb is that the elite members of Spina Venatores often choose to spend their free time with each other, due to their obsessive codependency and need for companionship. Venison is the most extreme example of this!

They have no problem inserting themself into the routines of others, following them along and just lingering, or engaging in some parallel play. Venison is also entitled and confident enough to drag whoever into any shenanigans or to slack off, just for the sake of being entertained.

Ironically, despite Venison's role as the leader of Spina Venatores, they're given a lot of free time - Forget Me Not considers their clingy personality a great way to monitor others and prevent people from deserting, as well as to help Spina's members grow closer together and become much more susceptible to manipulation. It's two birds in one stone.

And even if we were to talk about their hobbies, they're also heavily influenced by either their desire for companionship or their work, because Venison is a character whose existence is defined by their relationships with others, a parasite that cannot stand on their own or be left alone. So, when it comes to their hobbies or what they would do if there's no one around to indulge them, then...

People watching and stalking - they absolutely love observing and studying others, taking note of every single reaction no matter how subtle, which helps them read others like an open book to absolute FILTH when needed. They love to know what their favorite people do when no one is looking.

They enjoy writing letters, and some arts and crafts, but even THOSE end up focusing heavily on their role within Manus/Spina lmfao. This mf has a talent for making every aspect of their life revolve around a SINGLE thing

🎉: What thing(s) in the 21st century would they really like or enjoy?

Social media, especially how easy it becomes to keep tabs on others and how difficult it is for people to get rid of their digital footprint.

This mf would be OUT THERE with the perfect daily routine to check on absolutely everyone they cherish or are obsessed with, managing a couple dozen accounts just in case. They're not a tech genius or anything, but for the sake of seeing what everyone is up to, they would definitely learn whatever is necessary to continue stalking others.

On a less intense note, I think Venison would also enjoy fandom spaces and online culture overall, given how it can both be precious moments of community and a cesspool of toxicity. I can absolutely see them building a little community for dead dove fics and being That One Guy people go to for advice when writing gore because they just happen to know a lot about how the human body works in specific conditions

🛝: What do they do in their free time, if they have any?

Mutton is a tricky one, because she insists that she has no free time at all - working on logistics and keeping everything in check takes up all of her time. But she's a desperate workaholic, using work to keep herself busy and avoid thinking too much about things she'd rather forget.

Whenever there's nothing to do, Mutton fusses over everyone else within Spina, taking on their workload and putting even more stress on herself. THAT's what she does in her free time. WORK. HARDER. Part of her does it out of genuine care, but overtime that's become just a surface justification of her controlling mindset. She's too used to filling the role of matriarch, a strong and reliable figure for those who look up to her, and instantly assumes that everyone will do a poor job, that she's the only one capable.

Despite being the complete opposite to Venison, the two get along extremely well because they follow the same pattern of behaviour - both of them need to make their entire lives revolve around something or someone that isn't themselves for whatever reason.

So her hobbies are also related to her people: Mutton is into fashion, she's a master seamstress and tailor. All these extravagant uniforms that all members of Spina Venatores wear? She made them herself by hand, even the ones that Disciples wear. Every single one. She loves to cook, and always overindulges everyone in Spinas with their favorite meals in excessive amounts. Mf is really the world's most fucked up, cynical, divorced housewife and mother of a couple dozen cultists <3

🎉: What thing(s) in the 21st century would they really like or enjoy?

The revival or renaissance era of old trends. Like, people going "we should bring back bell bottom jeans/we should start dressing again like we're in the 20's/we should go back to this and that". I think Mutton would find that endearing, silly and nostalgic, especially if they're given a modern twist - that's something she can definitely appreciate.

There's just something about people constantly yearning for things that already passed by and trying desperately to bring them back, but it's impossible to truly relive the past so what they end up getting is something brand new instead. Like electro swing <3! Yes there's a metaphor somewhere in there about being unable to let go, anyway. moving on.

Other than that, Mutton would also enjoy telenovelas and soap operas in general, or movies and shows full of drama focused on relationships - especially the ones that get EXTREMELY convoluted like Why Women Kill or The Handmaiden (2016). She'd get SO heated up about them, projecting so hard onto every character that mildly resembles her LMFAO

🛝: What do they do in their free time, if they have any?

Chevon is a rare case within Spina Venatores, because unlike the others, he actually has fucking normal hobbies that he indulges in during his free time that don't necessarily carry copious amounts of emotional baggage.

He likes to garden and flower arrangement, specifically. Not that he's any good at it, everything he touches tends to die pretty quickly, but he still likes to do it anyway!

More than often, Chevon will be accompanied by Poultry, the only one with actual knowledge when it comes to plants and flowers, and who keeps him from destroying the whole garden where she grows her materials.

Chevon is very interested in the process of decay when it comes to flora and fauna, so while his natural lack of skill in caring for something as easy as a cactus can come in handy for that sweet, sweet plausible deniability, everyone knows better than to fall for that that. This mf is out there trying to find the perfect point between life and death, growth and decay to preserve a living body forever, similar to how Druvis III can preserve plants in a frozen state but applied to actual people

But he also likes to read, Chevon will read literally anything, just because he's so very curious about other perspectives, even if he does consider each and every one of them useless and waaaay beneath his own. Complaining and criticizing others is also one of his hobbies, so be careful when it comes to him reading your work lmfao.

Whereas Venison is the guy you go to for undying support and blind love bombing, Chevon is the guy you go to if you need to be humbled to fucking shreds because of how direct and brutally honest he is with his opinions. It SUCKS because despite him being such a little hater, he does give extremely good criticisms and observations in that soft spoken and entirely aloof demeanor of his.

🎉: What thing(s) in the 21st century would they really like or enjoy?

Chevon wouldn't be as terminally online as Venison nor Poultry, but I like to think he would be SUPER into those fucking weird ass nonsensical things that are impossible to describe to ppl who haven't experienced them online - such as Goncharov, long furby plushies that you can actually buy, whatever the fuck Garten of Banban is, Redditor Island, Alexandria's Genesis with the purple eyes

Like, he would ACTUALLY have one of those centipede furbies with spider legs. He would eat EVERY single deep dive video on the most fucked up outlandish events to ever happen online. THIS MF'S SMALL TALK WOULD CONSIST OF SHIT LIKE "hey did you hear that they can run Doom on a stomach bacteria now? yeah its 1 frame each 70 hours"

Chevon is just mesmerized by the fact that God gave everyone free will and the ability to live beyond the year 1999 and THIS is the type of shit people chose to do with their time

🛝: What do they do in their free time, if they have any?

Poultry's hobby and passion, the one thing that consumes her entire life (as well as the entire reason she's the only fully conscious human within Manus and Spina) is to study and research arcanum through human methods, and see if it can be utilized and manipulated in ways no one has yet figured out. So her free time is spend borrowing a page from Mutton's work and studying/working even more!

She's constantly asking questions to any arcanist who passes by, following others like a lost duck, using Disciples like guinea pigs and potentially doing experiments that would put the Foundation to shame

I like to think that she was ruthless in her research, that she would often go days without sleeping or eating and push her body beyond its limits - that's how she managed to get results worthy of Manus Vindictae's recognition prior to being recruited, after all - but that, after joining Spina Venatores, she considerably calmed down!

...which is both good and bad because sure! she's getting healthier habits just by being so easily influenced by her seniors (Venison, Mutton and Chevon) and their weird habits that rub off on her all at once, but also her entire fucking life hinges on being useful to Arcana and Manus so it's a bit of a tough spot for her

🎉: What thing(s) in the 21st century would they really like or enjoy?

She would really love every single advancement in every single branch of science. Every single discovery, no matter how small, even if it's something in a field that she has absolutely no fucking clue about. There's just something so exciting in knowing that there's still so much to find out about the world and the universe, though it does tend to lean towards the excitement of being the first one to make those discoveries.

But I think that's it for now? Poultry and Veal are characters that I'm still working on, so I don't have as much to say about them as the first three! I'm still trying to figure out what she even likes about her current time and situation, lmfao

🛝: What do they do in their free time, if they have any?

Veal is a mystery to everyone, including some members of Spina and ALSO INCLUDING ME. What does this little guy do in their free time? Who knows! I don't!

Given how they're a shapeshifter and their whole lack of identity, I assume Veal spends their free time stealing someone's identity and just trying to mimic them to the best of their ability. So it's not too rare to see Chevon somewhere in his room and then find a second Chevon somewhere in the gardens.

This would also work as training and as a show of affection, since Veal believes that imitation is the highest form of adoration.

Other than that, I would say that Veal would spend their free time trying to find out ... something to do with themself, to start forming an identity beyond the whole fucking mess that is their existence as a doppelganger, but that's something that they'd do after Spina Venatores dissolves and Vertin takes them in!

🎉: What thing(s) in the 21st century would they really like or enjoy?

Same as the previous answer, I can only theorize about what my OWN OC MIGHT LIKE OR THINK ... Hmm ...

With how little info I have about Veal right now, all I can think of is that they would unconsciously gravitate towards things that remind them of their friends and family, both within and outside of Spina Venatores. Something something, you are made up of small parts from all the people you love, etc etc.

[magicmindless]

omg you should do rollie (and or brody headcannons (i’m so sorry if i’ve already asked this i have a very bad memory)

Yeah you did but Dw I have Rollie HCs (sorry it took a while, all of the lists are gonna take a while)

A HC list but it’s just Rollie

- Reserved, uptight, and isn’t the most expressive fellow, at least when it comes to him showing positive emotions. If you make him smile then he must really like you. Generally polite but he can and will insult people brutally if needed

- For someone so reserved he’s pretty outspoken when he’s unhappy with something. Those who know him joke that it’s easier to name things he doesn’t like than things he does like

- For one, he hates his baby face. People have thought he was younger than he was (youngest guess he’s ever gotten was 12 years old and he took it personally)

- He’s really not that frail or weak as people would think he is. He gets sick like a normal amount of times someone would get sick and only has like a few main allergies but none of them are life-threatening (except for mold). He was just unlucky back in the day

- His germaphobia seemed to develop ever since he was young. It wasn’t like there was one event that changed him or anything, it was more of factors that built up overtime. Germs and illnesses were the cause of a lot of stress in his life, whether it was from seeing his family or even himself going to the hospital with the chance they won’t come home alive, or witnessing mold growing in parts of his home causing allergic reactions, they were enough for him to want to avoid them all, even if it meant taking the most extreme measures

- Has a very strong sense of smell so he carries air freshener everywhere he goes which has inconvenienced some people since not everyone likes tons of air freshener sprayed everywhere

- Along with his germaphobia, he also has claustrophobia. Public transport is a nightmare to him so he mostly walks everywhere

-He doesn’t drive. He says it’s because it’s better for the environment which isn’t a lie but he’s also kind of terrified of driving

-He does genuinely like conservation and doing things to help the environment. Most of his cleaning detergents and stuff like that are biodegradable and he doesn’t like it when people litter

- Very squeamish about blood and needles, though he’s able to cope with needles better (like at doctors getting a shot) by being distracted by something. Meanwhile with blood he has fainted at the sight of it before

- Doesn’t like when people feel sorry for him, or infantilize him. To him, what’s happened has already happened and there’s nothing he can do about it

- Something else he likes is marine life. For whatever reason being around water makes him feel calmer and he just thinks fish are cool. He loved going to the aquarium tons as a kid, and it was one of the things he missed during his housebound period. He even wants to get his own fish tank for his home

- Koilee was his childhood friend so he’s known about his phobia for a really long time. She was always there by his side and when he became too scared to leave his house for years she called him every day to check up on him. He did find it annoying sometimes but in the end he’s actually grateful that someone cared about him

- His family would also sometimes call him asking why they haven’t seen him in so long or just what he’s been doing, though he’s never been close enough with his family to tell them about his severe germaphobia so he always just said that he was working overtime or studying really hard in college

- He was taking online college classes for some time majoring in writing since he didn’t know what other job to have. However, while he was getting therapy and slowly overcoming his anxieties he decided to switch majors to psychology since he didn’t want anyone to live the way he did before

- During self-isolation he talked to people mostly through chat forums being known as “LavenderIce316” or “Ice” for short (he’s never told anyone online his real name). It was where he felt most comfortable talking about his personal life (while also taking basic internet precautions) since no one really knew who he really was.

- The main friends he made online were Brody, Didar, Simone, Moe, and Kaleb. He doesn’t talk to all of them as often, due to time management but they have a group chat together that’s still kind of active to this day. Those he seems closest to are Brody and Simone. He met all of them post-Mocharia and it was a nice experience for him.

- He befriended Emmlette sometime post-housebound when trying to get to know more people. Turns out he went to the same high school she taught at but he was never a theatre kid so he never knew about her until now. She invites him for afternoon tea when she has time and even taught him how to make a simple bento

- Doesn’t know how to cook very well so takeout, frozen and instant food are his usual go-tos, but he’s learning how to cook from cooking classes

- Despite his dislike of being cold he likes the snow. It’s pretty and he likes staying inside because of it, enjoying things like hot drinks and warm fires. And Christmas surprisingly, he likes Christmas

- He absolutely hates spring however because of pollen and since he lives in Sakura Bay it gets really bad. Like said, it’s not severe, he’ll just suffer like any other person would so he wears a face mask if it gets bad.

- Also lactose intolerant. Sometimes he cares about it, other times he doesn’t. Also allergic to certain foods like bananas and peanuts. (Neither are severe. His stomach will just hurt really bad or he gets hives)

- He’s not a fan of physical affection, it’s something he’ll never seem to like, but his main love language is quality time. Just being and talking with someone he likes is enough for him

[addemius]

PIty this was left in the tags, but one of my favorite things is serious world building introduced as a joke. I attribute this to me growing up watching Red vs Blue, but regardless, these are all extremely applicable to all of the characters and their arcs.

One of the things that makes Savathun so grey is that her origin is in fact a tragedy, a struggle to survive. They took the role of the Hive, absorbed the worms in order to survive the attack on their kingdom and to extend the lives of their fellow Krill, and to this, they surrendered their souls. Savathun, more than her siblings understand this. She worked with her enemies, took on the Light and assisted the Traveler not out of the goodness of her heart, but to survive- and then the atrocities she committed after that were entirely her choice.

Eido's biggest flaw is her curiosity. She's too inexperienced to fully understand the pitfalls of the seeking of knowledge, unlike people like Toland, Eris or Osiris, and so she continues, so recklessly. She broke the law to free Eramis, dug up her father's past, and did research into the worst parts of Eliksni stories in an attempt for a cure.

Misraaks portrays himself as the unflappable Kell of Light, the one his people look up to the most, and is very kind to his allies- but despite this, quite literal Darkness grows within him- a consequence of a sacrifice for an ally.

Caiatl was never fully considered by her father as a successor- but to be fair, no one was. He dismissed everyone as an inferior due to his ego, and the empire began falling apart from his policies, to the point where she had to initiate a coup to kick him from the server.

Calus himself lacks purpose, he lacks motivation beyond hedonism since there's a black hole inside of him that can never be filled. But things like violence, like combat make him feel more alive than ever- this is exemplified in the loretab for Heartshadow- where he and Caiatl periodically send assassins after each other bearing the blade. This is the last connection between them.

Xivu, or Xi Ro as she was known at the time was the youngest sister who obediently let her siblings make the decisions for you, out of pure and absolute love for them. She was, more than the rest, to kill for their survival, because she wasn't just fighting for herself. She had no doubts until recently, when their position at the top was weakened by the loss of their power. No longer can she undoubtedly justify the Sword Logic because it lost it's original purpose- to protect her siblings. But regardless, it's all she knows...

Eramis originally was a revolutionary, one who wanted to overthrow the old ways and become the new order- but over time she's seen that the Witness would be infinitely worse for the Eliksni than anyone else would be. Overtime, due to the mercy extended by Misraaaks, her doubts have intensified about how she's the best way for the Eliksni to continue- but she's incredibly stubborn and as such refuses to talk to them. I love these characters.

Destiny 2 Alien characters as text posts